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vroenis · 4 years

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The Internet Is Not Remarkable | Which Is Why It’s Remarkable

Oddly I’ve not ever felt the need to unplug. I don’t have a sense of separation between life happening away from the Wire and life happening on the Wire or the Wire not being life. It was never a distinct thing I ever had to decide was or wasn’t life or became life, either. Being born in the early 80′s, I guess means the Wire wasn’t always there as a salient presence, integrated into the fabric of life. Heyo I had a Nokia 3210. That doesn’t mean anything, by the way, it just places me on a timeline. Nostalgia sucks and is literally valueless. Let’s make art you can steal.

Anecdotally it means I saw the internet happen as a Thing. It’s less important than it sounds. Also the internet going from not being a Thing to being in our pockets. OK. But honestly it’s not very important. As in the transition isn’t important. There were a lot of people there when it happened and I think a lot of us if and when we’re honest will tell you now, in retrospect, it’s not a big deal. People older than I am and some my age and younger who have an ignorant and uninformed understanding of life and experience will go on about life being better or significantly more meaningful before or without the Wire but honestly they’re wrong. I’ll come out and say it’s flat better. Sure it makes misinformation easier as much as it makes all the good things better but wow media control and information mass-dissemination before the Wire? Are you kidding me?

On the topic of unplugging and digitally detoxing and I realise The 1975 just made a video all about it that was overly cute, yes, but still pretty fucken’ great. Let’s link it because honestly, it’s a wonderful snapshot of its time that they’re unquestionably aware will date immensely and that is a big part of the point. The 1975 hardly need any more promo but what can I say, I’ve no problem being part of an adoring fanbase and adore them we do. Let us adore.

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That it’s so on-the-nose and that it’s a big part of the point is going to anger and frustrate people so much, moreso that exactly that reaction is a part of being caught-up in the inevitable participation in what the song and indeed, what Matty as an individual and what the band as a commercial and cultural entity are. The too cool thing to do is say you didn’t know anything about it, you didn’t watch it, you don’t care for it, you’re immune to it and continue to be ignorant of it - sure, I used to be cool like you. The thing is I both care less and more about being cool.

I love this song, I love what it’s doing and what it means. I love being a fan of and loving things. I love that other people love things I love. I still love loving things no-one knows about but I always love other people finding and loving my things, even if and when some of them behave badly because as an adult and an individual, I understand that participating in one cultural activity doesn’t mean I’m fully represented as a whole cultural entity.

Coming back to unplugging and that not being necessary for me, it connects to not being overwhelmed by it, which connects again, to the Wire not being separate and distinct from what I see as my experience of life. If the Wire is a mundane aspect of life then it’s unnecessary to disconnect from it. I engage with it as much as I engage with other things, that is to say I’m fascinated by, obsess over, and grow bored with things on it as much as all subjects, objects and activities in life equally. I don’t think this is unique to me at all, I suspect it’s quite common.

As it happens, I got into Instagram in a big way around the same time I got into contemporary board games. Both of these things I’ve almost wholly discarded. Almost, but not quite. I still maintain my Instagram account because I’ve made some valuable and enduring connections on it and as a platform I seem to have nurtured some semblance of an audience for a sprinkling of subjects and visual motifs. As for board games, I’m actually still quite interested in them but there’s so much about them as an industry and culture I actively dislike and have also grown bored of that I’ve consciously disengaged from them.

Facebook as a culture has always been weird to me, I can’t say I’ve ever understood it as a platform. Primarily it seemed to function as a space to connect with people you already know - OK. So then we’re encouraged to engage with one-another on... topics we may or may not already be engaging with either in our physical time together in which case, it’s redundant? Or we post articles we expect others to read which mostly they don’t unless aaaaaah - they’re short, reductive and in simple language and now the exercise is hazardous. The platform then actively co-opts strangers into discussions by facilitating cross-posting intra-sharing articles, which to be frank is about eyes on ads and ad-revenue, here we get to the ultimate objective of Facebook as a platform which I guess is why none of it makes any sense. Engagement at all costs. Of-course Facebook doesn’t care about racist groups and the real violence it precipitates, why on earth would that matter to them? The only thing that matters is capitalist gains. As long as it doesn’t directly cost them and as long as there are no economic consequences for them, they will proceed, and this is pervasive and transparent in the way all actions are facilitated and encouraged on the platform as a utility.

There’s more to discuss about Facebook but you’ve had those discussions before and they’re boring. Facebook is boring. The way people use Facebook is boring. Many of my peers ported to Instagram because as many of them said “It’s like Facebook but just pictures” and something along the lines of “It’s just pure” and there’s a high degree of truth in that. The sense of purity comes from the feeling of positivity in that thumbs becomes hearts - the likes an image gets. Engagement is fairly low-level. People express their endorsement of an image or do nothing at all. Occasionally there’s discussion, predominantly positive and for the most part I’d agree it’s wholesome. You can find toxicity easily enough and all of it is bad, but there are whole spaces on Instagram where you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a platform free of it altogether.

I guess it’s worth mention when I was peak Instagram, I was producing a super lo-fi but passionate board games podcast I recorded with R and we were also running several public and private board games groups around Melbourne. There was a lot of good about that sense of community and some of those people are still in our lives now. Platforms like Instagram are great for celebrating many of those aspects, I’d still say better than Facebook. Instagram is more approachable and simpler for just showing a thing and liking it - the engagement is direct and the commitment level (sign-up, visual clutter, privacy concerns, settings digest etc.) is minimal.

There are some Instagram Stories (read: Snapchat clones) there listed under This Account that briefly go thru the effective mothballing of my account. To have a different discussion here, I know how much and what kind of work it takes to build and maintain and audience on Instagram and it’s not interesting to me any more. It’s boring. I don’t mean to disrespect the audience I have there, all audiences are made up of people. Their behaviour on the platform is indicative of the cultural space that Instagram is, not their respective characters and that’s fine. That I’m bored is indicative of my feelings towards the platform and the culture it fosters, not how I feel about the people themselves. I still really like most of the people I’ve made connections with on Instagram and ping them DMs about beer, Lego and art once in a while. Instagram is about keeping it light - or lite is perhaps more appropriate - and I’m happy to keep my engagement level likewise.

That makes it extremely strange that I chose tumblr as a cultural space for my long-format writing, then, hey. Sure does. I did write about tumblr as a cultural space and honestly I still feel the same way about it - I absolutely love it here. Even tho I don’t engage in tumblr at all in the way the culture here utilises it, oddly I still feel right at home, fitting that one of the titles of the entry is Hiding In Plain Sight.

I don’t effectively have an audience for my writing here, tho, and that certainly is different. There’s a certain buzz missing from seeing a post light up with hearts, but then I think - a post gets a tally of hearts, of likes, so the people around me - my audience - likes an image and/or the accompanying text I’ve written tho that’s unlikely as the ratio of viewers to readers is likely to be extremely low. So if I think about how meaningful the text is to me versus the image, sometimes it’s split down the middle, but often the writing is far more important or at least there’s massive intent for gravitas to the image. Without the text, the image would be pleasant at best, and I realise that’s what people are engaging with and throwing a heart at, and I’m not interesting in doing that. I’m interesting in writing and expressing because I’m doing that anyway. I’m talking to and for myself regardless which I’m very happy to do, so if I’m going to do that, I’m happy to do it on the assumption of no audience and just express freely without restraint on subjects that interest me the most.

I either will or won’t develop that audience, but it will have to be with people who are dedicated enough to read and that might be a thing just yet, but who knows, there may be coming a time when people realise it’s not the Wire they need to unplug from. I’m not spinning up theories because it’s less complicated than that. I still operate a Facebook account. There’s a lot to hate about Facebook but of itself it’s mostly banal. Sure its UI and UX both are horrors that precipitate actual nightmares (unrelated but recent: none worse that iTunes MY GOD WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY) but from a utility perspective it can be useful in the least. I have connections with a handful of people and communities which are useful to me for the moment so until they’re not, I’ll use the platform - but my weekly usage would be measured in minutes, I’m not sure I’d make cumulative hours in seven days.

When I moved away from Twitter and Instagram, I wanted a more considered approach to everything including images. I did once take long walks in Melbourne and photograph things that I found aesthetically interesting and under the circumstances that isn’t possible. I did stop doing that much earlier than Covid19 tho but that’s due to family circumstances alluded to in other posts. I still think if I ever take up photographing things with the same regularity, those images will end up here, simply because if I want to cut in with text, I can with better control. But also because it’s more meaningful if I don’t, and also as an artefact, a html page is something that invites a more static approach to the scrolling endless feeds of Instagram and Facebook. That design is absolutely intentional to promote short engagement and continued dismissal and that’s not something I want to encourage, with mine or anyone else’s art, thoughts, responses and engagement.

I don’t think I’ve addressed how The Internet Is Remarkable, but it’s pervasive in much of what I do on and with the Wire. I think accessibility is one of the most powerful things we do as humans. I’m sure there are folks who are sick of Margaret Mead’s healed femur anecdote or at least people quoting it. I fucking love that quote. I might not like people not fully comprehending it but I sure love what it truly represents. I think something people may be surprised to hear from me is that I will never say that I don’t like people. I really don’t like the quips and memes about hell being other people or I don’t mind going outside, it’s the other people ad infinitum. It’s easy to look at a large representation of behaviour and say “People are stupid” but it’s much more difficult to sit in a room of people you know and tell them they’re stupid. I might find it increasingly difficult to find other adults with which I can engage, on subjects I and they both can and enjoy engaging on, but I both have the willingness to and the optimism that it will and should happen. A part of that is the exercise - the practice of considered expression, of thinking, language and performance. Some of that for me is writing here, some of it is in the musical instruments I play, some of it is in the oral auditory words I speak.

Fucking around is good fun, we don’t always take life too seriously - sure, but we also don’t just fuck around. If that’s all you end up being able to do, there’s so much you end up not doing, not seeing and experiencing. Imagine the only form of expression you have is to tap a heart. That’s not to diminish the power of tapping that heart - mate, smash that shit - did you see that last picture of the beers we bought? DID YOU SEE MY BEERS? Those are some champion fucken’ beers, follow my Instagram.

Look you might need to unplug occasionally or partially or permanently or whatever. This isn’t a sermon, I’m not talking at you, I’m talking to you or rather I’m talking to myself. I’m telling you about myself because like everything I do and typically will always mention, it’s a provocation but also an invitation to talk about yourself. We share with one another to learn about other experiences and grow perspective on our own - you get all of that. That’s why the Wire is a good thing. Accessibility to broader experiences is a good thing.

This mass documentation we’re doing? Even if no-one reads it, even if only a tiny shred of it is shared... do you realise how immense that tiny shred is? Of a billion billion billion terabytes of unread, unseen, unknown data, the tiniest fraction that gets shared between humans is still huge were it to remain hidden and secret - all the wonderful art, the ugly horror, the juvenile silliness, the unending pain and sorrow, the saccharine sweetness, the lilting playfulness, the nonsensical vagary, the bare minimalism, the overbearing eloquence, everything subjective and argued and agreed and ignored.

The internet is an ordinary book of everything made of electricity and you carry a copy of it in your pocket.

I’ll echo similar sentiments to those in the feature on Jeremy Blake. You can be an arsehole, or you be awesome and kind and we can do amazing things together.

#internet #chrono #2020 #nostalgia #nostalgia is pointless #no really nostalgia has no value #steal this art #The 1975 #The 1975 The Birthday Party #NOACF #Facebook #Instagram

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haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles · 5 years

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anonymous asked: How would you feel about an Avatar AU? I’d love to see what element, or if a character is a non-bender, you feel would match your favourite characters in HQ!

oh-HO. i am unsure if you know that Avatar is one of my all-time favorite shows so when i saw this ask i was pumped!!! without further ado: i finally had some inspiration. i took this a bit farther than just my fav characters (i did as many as i could think of) and although i say in my rules i don’t do hc’s i felt this ask was best answered in that format so i did my best! i hope you enjoy 😁 im nervous as hell about headcanons 😬 some i have reasons for (serious or funny) and others i just...have a feeling

special shoutout to my discord fam that i love so dearly and especially to @animelake13 and @justoverseas for helping me out 💕💕

Karasuno:

Daichi:

Alright with those thighs and that dependability?? Earthbender through and through

He is a rock solid, all-around player that holds Karasuno all together

he is their BASE, stable as fuck

he didn’t get those thighs from nothing he got them kicking around some boulders

didnt get those arms from nothing either, punching rocks out of mountainsides

Suga:

Waterbender for sure

Hello? Mr. Refreshing

Very calm and level-headed, but like Katara: DO NOT. FUCK WITH HIM.

He’ll fuck you up

again like Katara, mom friend, supporting the whole team, caring a lot about them and getting ready to fight and ready to jump in and help at a moments notice

Asahi: (Thanks Louie!)

ok so this boy was hard to decide bc, he’s a nervous bean but also the motherfuckin ace so he ain’t playin around

so i decided on earthbender because, he’s a big boi; a powerful and all-around player that has the respect of his teammates

and although he’s nervous, so maybe he doesn’t use earthbending to the extent of other benders but when he needs to, he will

and when he does it has impact and he is a pretty strong earthbender to boot

he can move fucking mountains when he wants to

member of the white lotus bc he only uses his immense power when he absolutely has to

noya: “asahi!! show us your bending”

asahi: “oh im not much of a bender”

MOVES A CONTINENT

Noya:

While my first instinct was firebender

the more i thought about it the more airbender made sense

air is the element of freedom and Noya is the definition of wild and free

not only that but his position too! airbending is almost purely defensive

sounds like our guardian diety to me

also can u imagine

Noya and Hinata racing like maniacs on air scooters

Daichi throwing up barriers all over the place to stop them but they just nyoom around them like obstacles

airbending is all about circles too and roooooolllliiiinnnng (hehe) thunder!!!

Tanaka:

alrighty well here is Karasuno’s firebender

Firebending is known for its intense and aggressive attacking style and literally

Tanaka yells like a maniac anytime he goes in for a spike

and firebenders can be hotheaded (dont have to be, Iroh for example) BUT say anything about Kiyoko, Karasuno or really anything and he’s ready to throw down

it might be all talk but he still gets fucking triggered

he fires up two flames in his palms and makes that face “ehhh what did you say about our lovely Kiyoko-san?!?”

Enno:

airbender

he has such patience and probably mediates or something

or else he’d go crazy from Tanaka and Noya doing stupid airbender/firebender shit and burning down the entire town

deals it out when he needs to, sometimes blowing Tanaka and Noya to opposite sides of the room and pinning them there until they calm the fuck down

anytime Tanaka gets too heated, Enno just shows up and blows out his fire

Hinata:

ok so i kinda spoiled earlier

but airbender

i know airbending is defensive and Hinata sucks at that aspect, but his personality man, airbender all the way

again imagine him and Noya zooming on air scooters around

they would be a MENANCE

but also in the same sense, airbending is all about finding a way around the “normal” way of fighting (they refuse to harm anything is what i mean)

Hinata had to find his own way of fighting in volleyball and yeah…airbender

possibly bc he’s a bit of an airhead too

Kageyama:

WATERBENDER BUT WITH BLOODBENDING BACKGROUND

ok hear me out

he used to want to control people and make them do what he wants, otherwise get rid of them bc they’re useless and who needs ‘em

but then he meets this stupid, bounce off the walls, airbender who he doesn’t need to control bc this kid already does what he couldnt find in anyone else

and he slowly learns to stop using bloodbending, sometimes slips and lapses, but for the most part has left that part of him behind

also water is the element of change and Kageyama certainly goes through a major change in character throughout Haikyuu

everytime Hina and him fight, they make a snowstorm that nobody can stop and it pisses Tsukki off bc he can’t do anything about it

Tsukki: (props to Lake for this one)

tsukki why are you an enigma

nonbender and is a sword master

with his ability to analyze and control, he would heckin destroy

sword fights are a lot about watching your opponent and being able to make a quick decision to block or counter attack

he can definitely make decisions at the drop of a hat and his strategies work and work well

Yamaguchi:

THIS BOY

IS A WATERBENDER BUT SPECIALIZES IN HEALING

when Karasuno needs him most!!! he’s there!! ready to help and get his team back on his feet, in this sense by healing them

and also like Suga, mirroring Katara, don’t fuck with him. especially when it comes to Tsukki

AGAIN like Katara/Suga, mom friend, there to support all the time and bust in and help when needed

More teams under the cut!

Aoba Johsai:

Oikawa:

so there’s a bit of a trend here i see

but Oikawa would also be a waterbender, i guess it’s a setter thing

water is the element of change and Oikawa adjusts his setting style and approach for each of his team members to bring out the best of them

waterbenders let their defense become their offense turning their opponents own forces against them which i think fits Oikawa to a T

can make ice spikes he can throw long distances with scary accurate precision

like, one can just zip past your ear, and you dont see him anywhere where tf is he?!

Iwaizumi:

i couldn’t decide between firebender and earthbender

so i went with the lovely mix, lavabender

just like Toph, Iwa shows his affection through some sort of violence, but thats just cause he cares a lot

oikawa has mastered the art of distinguishing flaming hunks of smoldering rock thrown at his face

also stubborn unmoving like a rock

and when he gets heated, he is fired up

and finally, arms. where did he get ‘em? throwing boulders around.

Shiratorizawa:

Ushijima:

metalbender, bc he’s definitely an earth bender but there’s something special about him

he’s a little dense (ok maybe not a little)

Earthbenders are generally muscular, tough and direct AND HELLO. thats Ushijima in a nutshell

Tendou:

our guess monster is definitely a non-bender

like ty lee specializes in chi-blocking

he can disrupt someones chi pretty easily making them completely helpless

sometimes he does it to be funny

like make Ushi’s right arm useless for a day

and Ushi is like “Tendou. I don’t use that arm anyways.”

“i knoooooooow Wakatoshi thats the point!”

which for some reason Tendou thinks is hilarious cause now he really cant use it

Semi:

firebender

mainly bc of his hotheaded and competitive behavior

his desire to show his abilities in his words is “uncontainable” and that kind of made me think of Azula

wants to show off and be the best

Shirabu:

so although Shirabu is also extremely hot-headed, he hits me as a waterbender too

maybe just because every single setter so far has been a waterbender but its just my gut feeling 🤷

Nekoma:

Kuroo:

firebender but can lightning bend

dont ask me why it just seems right

he has the concentration and flow it takes to lightning bend, i mean he has that whole speech he gives to his team before every game

“We're like the blood in our veins. We must flow without stopping. Keep the oxygen moving and your mind working.”

and while this may lead to possibly thinking he could be a waterbender, he uses his knack for fluid motion and deceptive strength for a different purpose

not only can he lightning bend, he can redirect lightning which takes an immense amount of skill and is drawn from waterbending techniques

maybe its also the hair cause it looks like he got hit by lightning

Kenma:

ill be honest, i dont think Kenma would be a bender

what he would be ilike is Sokka, super smart, the strategizer, the man with the plan

who people look to for the next step, the brain of the operation

and i dont think he’d necessarily have a speciality besides overwhelming ability to observe and make decisions

so basically…he’d be the same LOL

Yaku:

earthbender

being small (dont kick me Yaku) means nothing (uhh have you seen Toph?)

super dependable and not gunna take anyone’s shit

Yamamoto:

Tanaka’s counterpart

his homeboy

his fellow firebender

both ready to throwdown at a moments notice

Fukurodani: (wow i suck i dont know anyone well enough but these two)

Bokuto:

did someone say airbender??

i just keep imagining he was the one to teach Hinata the air scooter and they fuckin zoom around while Bokuto is hollering at the top of his lungs

his hair already looks winblown, like he just stepped off his glider and doesn’t bother to fix it

also im cackling bc airbenders prefer evasive manuevers and…i keep thinking about that time he ran away from a block and Akaashi called him out for it

Akaashi: (ily Lake for helping)

so apparently setters are waterbenders

bc this boy is definitely one

he has nice fingers (weird i know) but i can see him just making these beautiful hand motions to bend water and hnngg yes

ok but in a more real way, waterbenders have strong fluid motion and understand those around them, they believe in very strong connections between individuals

so even when Bo is out of the game, Fukurodani doesn’t fall apart because they have strong connections and can survive without him

#haikyuu avatar!au #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu writing #haikyuu blog

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visualcommune · 4 years

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Ari Wil 0:01 So today is October 16, Wednesday and I'm sitting in Dunkin Donuts with Taja Cheek. Yeah, Did I pronounce that right? Taja Cheek 0:10 Okay. Um, yeah. Ari Wil 0:15 If you just want to state your name and your occupation. Okay? Taja Cheek 0:21 I'm Taja Cheek. I'm an assistant curator at MOMA PS 1. Ari Wil 0:25 Ok, so I'm just gonna go into it. I saw.. I read an interview with Interview magazine. Graduations on literally killing every thing. Taja Cheek 0:36 Wow, I forgot that that existed Ari Wil 0:39 You so much stuff online actually, I think in your name was exhausted. Congratulations. Taja Cheek 0:47 I thanks, I forgot. I have a very distinctive name so it's hard to hide. Yeah. Ari Wil 0:53 Yeah, no, I thought it would be but I just typed in Tada. Immediately. Taja Cheek 0:58 Crazy. Yes, really. Ari Wil 1:00 But yeah, in the interview magazine, they're just there's the description of your work that said something along the lines of dedicated to call fitting spaces for queer musicians of color. And experimental creators who are too often cast to the periphery. So I was wondering how does your institution enable or inhibit, like this process? Taja Cheek 1:26 That's a bigggg question. You know, I can only speak for myself and what I do you really ultimately, you know, I think it starts with intentionality, of kind of dating that as my interest in my purpose. That's what makes it easier to figure out how to make choices about who to include there are millions of artists and I think, You know, knowing that that's kind of my own personal interest for many reasons, particularly black artists. Just like stating that intentionality, I think, is important for me. And so, you know, it's not a part of like the institution's mission or anything like that, per se. But there are other things that are stated in, you know, how we think through each season and how we think through the program as a whole. So we think a lot about place, and how that plays into how artists make work. And so for me, that makes me think about black artists in particular, and how they are placed and rooted here and displayed, and that's sort of like the most urgent thing for me and we also talks a lot about artist making work in other media, about, you know, the specificity of New York City. It's all about kind of like circles around black and brown artists for me, especially black artists, especially as one. I don't know if that answers the question. Ari Wil 3:17 No, no. It actually does. But can I? Taja Cheek 3:23 Yeah. Ari Wil 3:25 So, are you saying that MOMA kind of gives you the opportunity to pick? You know, like to make your own decisions as to how you're going to be inclusive or which ways? Taja Cheek 3:39 You know, curator is also a creative practice. Museums can often knowingly and unknowingly position themselves as usual bodies, but they're made up of people and people have interests and perspectives. And that's what I have so, you know, ultimately, it's, you know, there's a small group of us that are making decisions about shown when and, and try to make arguments for why we think it's important. And so, yeah, that's my own personality. Okay, discuss it as a group and it's not like a solo decision by any team, but I have a co worker that I working together, we think through the program as a whole. And she's going to be here at the PS1 way longer than I have seen beginning of Sunday session. And of course, it goes through like the territorials we met this one too. So in terms of things that have sparked my interest. I feel like you know, the most urgent issues of our time are kind of circling around black and brown bodies, makers. That kind of where my interest lies. Ari Wil 5:00 Have you felt like the community has been receptive to that and like your internal community and the external community? Taja Cheek 5:09 I think in hope so, I think, you know, there's a difference between, you know, performance inherently deals with bodies and people in the space. And so that tends to have a lot of baggage that comes along with that. And I think, because it is dealing with bodies that a lot of times, especially in institutional settings, those bodies end up being blacker or browner or queereer than they are in other galleries spaces. Because they are like, it is, you know, and in permanent art. And so, you know, it can be seen as, you know, they're being left over risk, or it's more fleeting So it's easier to position artists that are working with your performance in that kind of setting. And that's kind of like an age old trope that I want people deal with and think about. But yeah I all that to say I feel like especially in New York that is kind of like - not an expectation but it's like more accepted I think than other art forms like it is more even seen historically about certain types of like, black and brown bodies and what it means to like shuck and jive and all those things, youre expected to be a preformer and preform in a specific way.Whereas other sort of settings its more difficult. We think about you know, when we're not expecting institution, but so it's also different but if you look at like museums, collections and how black and brown people are representatived in that that might that might be different than, you know, the artists that have performed their maybe. Ari Wil 7:08 Um, so, as a black and brown person, I just know that when I go into a space that's led by black and brown people, right, we are just more comfortable. We're able then to like, break down some of those barriers. Yeah, like where you don't have to shuck and jive or whatever. Have you ever noticed though, like where in those spaces, someone might still be excluded? Yeah, like Do you ever see that like that was maybe removed one thing but then something else will come out? I'm kind of talking about like intersectionality here. Taja Cheek 7:45 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a way I mean, there's so many layers of it, right. It's like can be dealing with another black person. Another brown person or another queer person, but there's so many other layers of interacting with an institution. And so many other people that you interact with, you have different ways of expressing themselves of communicating. And, yeah, that can sometimes be a barrier to entry, or there's an inherent skepticism of the institution as a whole. which is understandable. Yeah, but sometimes people come with that then, you know, you have to accept it for what it is because you understand on one hand and another, you're also like trying to work with them and trying to make them feel at home. And other way there's always like an extra layer of work that kind of comes with working with Ari Wil 9:00 So how do you for yourself to find access and inclusion? Taja Cheek 9:05 I'm still trying to figure that out. There's a lot that I don't know, a lot that I do know, inherently that I haven't necessarily unpacked in like an official way and a lot that I don't know. So, you know, I don't know if you read about the sort of like the AI plan that all the students in New York are going through now. But basically, there was a long period of research that the city is undergoing, just to kind of take stock of who makes up the institution, the art institutions in the city is going to them and like in a lot of detail. And so after that, after a lot of meetings, and sort of going through the primaries in the data, now there's kind of like an imparitive for all those institutions to create their own plans. And it's kind of being left to the institutions to figure out what that looks like to a certain extent. Just because, you know, some people have more money, some people are, like, have very like, you know, neighborhood specific or like cultural, cultural, cultural specificity, that's like tied into their mission or whatever it may be. every issue is different, essentially. But it's being linked to funding a lot of places. Institutions can't get certain kinds of funding if they don't adhere to this imparitvive and try to change the makeup of their institution. Ari Wil 10:42 Wow. Taja Cheek 10:44 So a lot of people are thinking about that in the city right now. Especially in New York City. Ari Wil 10:49 So is this a conversations you're having inside of MOMA? Taja Cheek 10:52 Yeah, there is a DEI commity. I'm not really on it. Right now. for a lot of reasons, but there are a lot of people that are not, you know, thinking about it in a very broad level, like, accessibility in terms of like price points. Ari Wil 11:11 Yeah. Taja Cheek 11:12 I mean museum is free for New Yorkers. So there's, there's that, but we do charge for performance programs. What does that look like? That's something that we think about a lot or warm up or whatever. And, like, world specificity, like who like Who's coming? What is their experience, like when they're here? So, you know, a lot of like, ADA complaincy stuff we're thinking about. MOMA has a really robust access department. Ari Wil 11:41 Yeah. Taja Cheek 11:42 And they have touched tours and all these things. And we don't really have that, really, we don't have an education program. We don't have public programming really, that gets kind of folded into what we do. But we're we're really focusing on performance. So idle conversations are happening now. They've been happening, but now that we have a new director, I imagine that those coversations will happen even more. So yeah, I mean, not a lot of layers to pursue in your public institutions. Ari Wil 12:16 I've always gotten the sense that ps1 was kind of meant for the fringe almost like it's, it's like for the for the marginalized. So I'm just kind of finding it pretty ironic that PS 1 is also the one that has no like education programming or is lacking in resources. So is that a conversation that's had it ps1, like, what's going on with MoMA? they're playing out? Taja Cheek 12:44 Yeah, totally. I mean, you know, we're trying to figure out our relationship. It's always evolving and changing. You know what resources we take from MOMA is a slow process and figuring out how that works. So we often work with loans education department, and we're trying to figure out they just did a presentation months ago about a lot of their, like accessibility initiatives. So a lot of us, myself included, didn't even know what was happening and click right there. Yeah. So now we know and now we know who to contact, all those things. So it's a really slow process. But something that's happening. And there's a lot that will make and probably learned from us in terms of like, how we program things and our timelines, and like, you know, the diversity of our performance program, especially Sunday sessions. But, you know, we pretty much exclusively work with women and gender non conforming artists, not because it's like a token thing and the thats not even some thing that we just barely call out. But it's just who were interested in and who are prioritizing. Yeah. So anyway, all those things are things that most probably go back and forth. Ari Wil 14:03 So, um, what practices of accessibility inclusion can or do you incorporate into your design into your curation? Like what you're thinking when you enter into a project. Taja Cheek 14:17 To be honest, the building isn't super accessible as it is now. I mean, we have ramps to get into the, into the dome. That's one thing we need to do and that is important to us that people can get into the physical building in terms of equity. We try to keep our price points successful. And we also embrace was it was artists about, you know, guest lists. Oftentimes, artists will have their own sort of like personal calls in their publicising the event like if you need, you know, if you're unable to pay, like, let me know and our guest list are humongous, as a way of like circumventing certain impartives that we have as a institution just like you have to charge, right? and ///we obviously want to meet our revenue goals, but we also don't want to be inaccessible to the communities that we're inviting in to preform work./// Again, just sort of like, just in terms of our priorities, we're kind of looking to bring in not only artists, but their entire community. And the communities that we're usually most interested in are women of color, and queer communities. We prioritize those. Those are the main things. I mean, I think we want to be more accessible and more trying to learn how to do that trying to figure out what it cost and the experts are and how to do that takes time. I just had a conversation today about like, how do we get information on our website more easy to access for people who do have specific needs as they need interpreters and stuff like that. And that's something that's on you know, our shared website. We have a we share our website it's more like where to find information where its placed how that happens. But that's a lot of conversations that have to happen just to change something on the website. So to get to the point where there's like a budget for other things, other thing we're working towards but yeah we're not totally there yet. Ari Wil 16:31 You just mentioned something I hadn't thought of before which is guest list. Taja Cheek 16:34 Yeah. Ari Wil 16:36 When I usually think about guest list. I think they're an exclusive thing. Like, you know, you have your special friends on the guests like that. I felt like finding that kind of has perpetuated for me the idea of exclusivity and like, I'm sure the bros on the guest list could probably pay but like, other people aren't. Yeah, how do you guys like mitigate that weirdness with guest list?Because it seems like you're doing like a proactive thing. But yeah, that's it. Still got weird, you know, like for an entourage pulled up? Taja Cheek 17:03 It can. I mean, I feel like for the most part people are mastering that are artists. So they're really kind of like prioritizing people in their community who they want to come. Ari Wil 17:13 Okay. Taja Cheek 17:13 Or, you know, we had a sex workers festival resistance a couple of seasons ago. And we're working with a partner in Scotland called Erica, you know, you were kind of working with them to figure out how to message sex workers that aren't able to pay but want to come like, how can come to the door. And, you know, basically, we just had language that was like, you identify the sex worker then you can come free. Ari Wil 17:39 Very cool. Taja Cheek 17:40 So things like that. I think we're very conscious of like, who we're inviting in and trying to make sure the jars do very centrally as possible. But like, we have to charge just as an institution non profit. Yeah, also. Yeah. So but we're also like, you know, we're creating New Yorkers, even if were doing something in the domes we also will often happenings in the building that are free with museum admissions. So, we try to work around it. Ari Wil 18:12 Okay. And then what are the incentives to being accessible? Taja Cheek 18:19 I mean, I, I feel like it just supports our whole mission. Really my whole mission. Like I feel like I'm sure my co workers felt like I feel like that's the whole point of being a public institution. Like, there is no point anything I'm doing. If its not inclusive but more so than diverse, which, you know, our programming. I hadn't actually thought about it this way, but it might not be like diverse. Diversity is often a code word for like black. And it may not be diverse. It's mostly women and queer people so in that way, it's not necessarily diverse its just like critical and intentional. Yeah I dont know. Ari Wil 19:11 I was gonna ask this later, but maybe. Okay, um, yeah, so you just said that your spaces are primarily like, women queer. Taja Cheek 19:29 Or we try to at least like I'm not gonna, like, make myself seem like we're doing more work than we are. We're trying Yeah, yeah. Ari Wil 19:37 But also another thing that's been kind of coming up in my research is this idea of implicit bias. So we just tend to hire the people that look like us. Yeah, um. Do you feel like maybe that's a part of what's having the space become like kind of intentionally more woman? Ideas surounding implicit bias is basically the question. Go. Taja Cheek 20:01 Yeah, totally. Um, I, I, in my mind, I'm like trying to work against like, the bias of working in a predomientaly white institution, like, people always think of culturally specific institutions as being like, the like, the Studio Museum or like el Barrio. But like, you know, MoMA is a culturally specific institution its a white institution. And so it's like mostly working agianst THAT I feel like is what im trying to do. is what I'm trying to do and I feel like the experiences of black Americans, slave descendants is something that is the most directed. And so, that also happens to be who I am. Yeah, but I also think there's an urgancey there. Mostly like trying to fight against like the implicit bias of the institution, more so than it is me, at least in my imagining, I mean, maybe there's something to me being like, Oh, you look like, but you know, it's more, it's more about that like fighting against the with the bias of the institution and less like you look like me heres the job. Ari Wil 21:21 Um, I do have to say, I'm really glad that you simply just called out the Studio Museum and El Barrio, even though it's gonna be on the recording, my professor keeps forcing, like trying to push me to go to like, those two specific institutions and like, El Taller, yeah, and another one, which is cool, great. I really do want to go study them. She was almost telling me like not to come and do this interview, because I had these resources. But I'm just like, I go to the MOMA. You more than I've ever been to the student museum. Yeah. So I'm curious about how this works. I'm just really glad that you said that Taja Cheek 21:53 It just like operates very differently in those institutions, like there's a lot like I've never worked there but like I feel like most people I've encountered in the art world have gone through one of those. And if there are, you know, black or brown or Latnix. And yeah, there are certain assumptions that don't have to be made. Right. So like you think about diversity very differently. You know? Ari Wil 22:19 Yeah. Taja Cheek 22:19 Like it's maybe scrutinized more when studio has a white curator. You know, it doesn't really happen here. Ari Wil 22:30 Do you see that it's like a, an advantage or disadvantage. Taja Cheek 22:38 Advantage in what sense? I guess like there is.. there's, you know, it's just a very different experience than working around other black people in the world which is not an experience that very often. Probably count on one hand how many times thats happened. It does different things to the stuff you're making. I'll say like, you know? When white institutions exclusion, it try to cover topics that are sort of outside of their, like cultural specificity, let's say, like there's just like certain things that happens to those projects where they're always looked at differently. It would be interesting to see like, how they're funded, like, when they're funded like,how their talks about like, what sort of context that looks like and ends up being like what that container is. And story Yeah, so it's sometimes it can be difficult even when you're just working with black people but it's still within a White institution. Ari Wil 23:49 Yeah. That makes sense. This one is going to be a little different but are there any specific tools you use to gauge audience needs? Taja Cheek 24:05 Thats a great question. I think a lot of things happen at PS 1 pretty organically. It's like a weird institution because it's attached to this huge thing, MoMA and but it's also definitely still has to spirit of being this scrappy artist space from the 70s it's constantly kind of like yo yoing between those two. Wait I just totally forgot the question. Ari Wil 24:40 Well, how do you gauge audience? Taja Cheek 24:41 Oh, yeah. So I think you know, Sunday sessions when I know of it's usually in a very humble in the beginning and it kept growing and growing and production value has increasingly become more intentional on a lot of things happen though we haven't been able to engage that very much. I think we barely kind of know where audiences we know that they are artists and New York centric, like mostly fairly educated, like we know some small things about that audience but we're for the first time doing a email survey which we've never done before it was really really important for us to figure out like who we're serving and who where it was like it was coming because we don't actually really know like we have some guesses. Ari Wil 25:27 Yeah, yeah. And so no your gusses just from like, being there and experiencing kind of Taja Cheek 25:33 Being there and experiencing. You know, there have been some PS1 surveys I believe. So we kind of know about our audience versus MOMA audience but we don't know specifically about Sunday Sessions. Ari Wil 25:47 Okay, (inaudible.) I think it might have been in the same Interview magazine interview, I'm not sure. But there's a quote where it says you are a "self described curious, outsider ally, facilitators practitioner." Is there anything else you would add to that resume identities thing? Taja Cheek 26:27 Oh, man. I don't know. I feel like ultimately I feel like I'm sort of in the process of trying to take things away. Ari Wil 26:37 Oh! Taja Cheek 26:38 Rather than adding. I feel like a lot of times - Ari Wil 26:41 Why take away? Taja Cheek 26:42 Well, I feel like artists especially are like I can only say this because I also like to work but I feel like a lot of arts administrators probably feel this way but artists are often looked at like a separate class of humans. and like they have special needs and special things and totally they interact with the World in this way. And I think it's true if I didn't believe in an artist, I wouldn't be doing what I do ultimatley. But I also think that artists are just people. And that we should really be thinking about them as people and that like everybody has like a creative side to the work that they do. And like, I just saw Martha Wilson talk yesterday, who co founded like, who founded Franklin Furnace, and she was talking about being an artist and a curator. And she was thinking through that, and just kind of saying that at some point, you figured out that being an Art Administrator is a form of creative practice. And yeah, I feel like a burden and ultimately unhelpful sometimes to think of artist as being i separate process only a few people that are like good enough to do a certain thing like ultimately, like we all are just attracted to certain things and there are certain people that we That are given opportunities to perform in certain places or exhibit places but that doesn't mean that like the person who's making music on the street corner as like any less of an artist, I think the more that we can just like making these designations and people being artists or tutor this or that it's like, makes it it just makes it more Heirarchal. Ari Wil 28:25 Do you identify as an artists though? Taja Cheek 28:28 I guess so. Yeah. Ari Wil 28:29 Ok, cool. Yeah. Um, you also one time said that it's becoming increasingly more difficult for artists to sustain themselves, spiritually and financially. What do you mean by spiritually? What would you think? Taja Cheek 28:50 I guess now, I don't exactly know what I was thinking about then. I guess now I would think about time, like time is a resource and leisure is a privilege. And that if you are constantly working and thinking about how you're going to make ends meet, or like having meetings for your work for artists in general, like you don't have a lot of time to just like do nothing. I mean, talking to a lot of other working artists, I kind of sympathize with that. Just like time is a limited resource. Ari Wil 29:28 And I want to look at how we can be accessible to artists, you know, and inclusive to artists. How can curators or just like, yeah, the arts institutions help out these artists that are, are separating these ways and like don't have the time or what support do you need? Taja Cheek 29:52 Yeah, that's a good question. I think we're all kind of thinking about that. I'm thinking about that. A lot. It would be with the musicians because they into like an art spaces. Music kind of occupies this really weird space where it's kind of foreign to the art world, but also like really connected to in a lot of ways. And it's like hard to tell how, you know, and I'm sort of in this position where I'm thinking a lot about music specifically, and I'm trying to think through what musicians need. It's sort of unclear how we can support. Yeah, it really depends. I think we have to figure out who our community of artists is first. Right. I think that's sort of where I am. At least I can't speak for institution, obviously, but like, you know, Long Island City is changing a lot. And it's pretty much the biggest, fastest growing residential market I think maybe in the country. It's a very part of the reason why Amazon has been moving here, like all these things are happening here. And so our you know, Our general community is changing. And so it's like what does that mean for artists? Where are we serving? Is it mostly artists in New York? Is it young artists, older artists, is it everyone? Is it like, what are our priorities? What are we interested in? Kind of working interested in? And so I think I'm at least in the point where I'm still interrogating that and trying to figure out, like, what we're doing and who we are on that level, which is constantly evolving. And so I can't really answer that question. So I figured that out. But like, space and time, I feel like are mostly the things like you have a residency program that my coworker has really been spearheading, where, you know, we have this giant dome, and it's just sitting around all the time. We can give that to people as resources use, yeah, and work on things that they're preparing for, even if they are presenting work at the PS1 they can use it as a place to work on other things. When you think about that idea, though, Does that seem achievable? Thank you feel like you can approach your institution as often about using the dome in other ways. Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's it's happening. It seems like something that they want to do more. Yeah, it's funny for music. I feel like we were thinking about I was just talking today during a meeting about rubber tracks. Ari Wil 32:13 Rubber track? Taja Cheek 32:14 Yeah, it was like this is this converse initiative. It sounds really silly because it's like a corporate entity. But they provided such a crazy, immense resource to musicians when they had a physical building with, I think one or two recording studios, rehersal space. And it was an application based process so you could apply and they're like, they asked you if you want to work on one song or a part of a song or an album, and you send some samples of your work and like when you're available and they happened on like, some sort of cycle. They would select people and they'd match you up with engineers, and incredible equipment, the files, no strings attached and you get to shoes I think. Ari Wil 33:02 Wow. Taja Cheek 33:04 I think, you know, thinking about things like that, like, how do you like literally how do you like facilitate the process of making or making, or giving people like at a space level, I hope that our program gives people, the artists that we invite to make work, an opportunity to make new work, and to either like, try a part of their practice try to expand a part of their practice that they don't usually have a chance to think about or exhibit and or to like go deeper into something that they're already interested in. But always making new work. Ari Wil 33:37 Yeah, but might you say that's part of like the spiritual like work that needs to be upheld for artists of having that space? Taja Cheek 33:43 I think I have space and I'm lucky to have and so I think I felt a little bit of an obligation to share it. Its kinds of really where that came from. I, that happens less now. And I'm trying to figure out like, what my relationship to that is because I also felt very draining me and a lot of ways personally. But yeah, I think I just came out of that. And I just knew a lot of people that were like the guitarist, and they need a place for her during the day to be loud in their apartments, like I live between three or four churches. So I don't really have to worry about noise because there's no one really there and I have stone walls, like no one really cares what's happening. Yeah, I'm very lucky in that sense. Ari Wil 33:43 Yeah, speaking of space I do remember and a lot of your interviews the mention of your basemnet that you use. Can I ask you to talk a little bit about that? Like, what promted you to do that? Taja Cheek 33:43 Yeah. Ari Wil 34:33 So, like, what have you seen, like immediate benefits to like providing that space to people are like, Yeah, what kind of rewards came from that? Taja Cheek 34:44 I don't know, a sense of community. I think more than anything, especially with extreme improvisers, and sort of like people making more experimental music. It really became an important part. Though, I think the landscape in New York for like really niche kinds of music. That's a double edged sword too, because I sort of realized, like, as I was opening my home to other people that, you know, MY sense of like, who I wanted to use the space was necessarily open to this coming necessarily. Like the sort of like build it and they will come mentality is like, not a thing. Like, you have to really be intentional about that. And so I was like, oh, there are a lot of like, white guys using the basement Like, what does that mean? Like, how does that work? You know, so that kind of way slow down too. That was another part of it too. It's also because of like that particular scene, there are not tons of black and brown people but there were times when like, I don't know sometimes we would list things on the internet, which is kind of crazy that we did that. That was kind of like before a lot of, you know, the sort of like the DIY warehouse tragedies happened .. so once that happened, we started like cracking down on how we were publicized. So before that we're kind of just like Loosey Goosey about everything. And so I remember once we have this show, and I met this like, black woman, and they were kind of like, sitting in the basement and I was like "whhhhat are you doing here, like you're here!" and I went to talk to them. They're like, "Oh, yeah, I just saw it on the websites. I just came in. Like, I didn't know that there are like other black people doing things like this". It's like moments like that would happen. And that would make it really worth it to me. I'm not I'm under no illusion that it was like the most diverse space. And that's why the reason why it kind of slowed down Ari Wil 36:40 Thats a part of creating accessible spaces anyone's gonna come in. Yeah. That's accessible and inclusive. Yes, that is right. Right. Okay. Sick. Thank you so much. Yeah, yes. Okay.

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multifandom-damnation · 6 years

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Before they could reply, an angry, booming voice shouted out from behind them. “What did you do?”

Panicked, the Stoll's spun around, Connor tripping over his own feet and almost falling on Nico if Travis hadn't caught him. It’s not that they were afraid of the son of Zeus- Jupiter... whatever, these Roman/Greek god things made no sense- but watching him storm up now, hands clenched at his sides, face contorted with rage and light glinting dangerously off his glasses was like being trampled by a heard of pegasi.

"H-hey Jason." Travis laughed nervously, as Jason stopped in front of them "what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

"Don't play dumb with me boys," Jason snapped, pushing the Stolls aside. "What did you..." his face fell. "Oh, hells."

Thank you to @ilyone and @betsib for both this art: http://ilyone.tumblr.com/image/90365923058 and for this fic: http://betsib.tumblr.com/post/89905696302/jasico-delirious-hi-honey-hope-youre-having-a ! I hope you dont mind me writing something off of them, I just love them so much and couldn’t help myself x

Camp Half-Blood was full of demigods the month before the older campers left for college, the cabins fit to busting and the tables crowded with siblings.

The Stoll’s had decided over a too-late night coffee to pull off one last prank –the prank to crown all pranks- and had enlisted the help of Carrie Kingly, a daughter of Hecate.

In her hand was a small milky sphere, the size of a tennis ball, undulating and twisting in her hand like it had a mind of its own. “Who am I throwing this at again?” She turned to the Stoll’s, who were busy standing behind her and giggling.

“I don’t know,” Travis looked around the courtyard. “I suppose we just need to see who needs the most fun. Get them to lighten up.”

“Take a load off,” Connor added with a smirk as he stood on his toes and swiveled his head around the courtyard. He spied Nico di Angelo leaving the Apollo cabin with colorful band-aids on his skin and a lip-shaped bruise on his neck. Connor squealed in delight, dropping from his toes and grabbing his brother's shoulder. “Look!” He pointed.

Nico was making his way towards the stables, probably to take Percy up on his offer of horseback riding lessons, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “He’s coming this way.” Travis laughed, grabbing his brother and Carrie by the arms and dragging them behind the Hermes cabin. “Carrie, you ready?”

“Wait, you want me to use it on the Hades kid?” Carrie looked confused as she allowed Travis to drag her into hiding. “Wouldn’t that just backfire?”

“No no, it’s fine!” Travis’ eyes greedily followed Nico’s approach. “If there’s one person in this camp who needs to lighten up, it’s Nico. Ready, 3....2…1… NOW!” he shouted with laughter as Carrie lobed the ball at Nico’s feet.

The soft Italian song Nico was singing under his breath stopped as a cloudy ball landed by his feet and exploded, covering him in a suffocating fog of Mist, making him blink and the would swim.

When the Mist cleared, Nico was falling backward onto the dirt, blinking and looking around. Frowning, he reached his hand out and swatted the air, head tilting upwards as if following something high into the air. “Wow…” he breathed quietly.

The Stoll’s jumped out from behind their cabin, high fiving each other and cheering, attracting the attention of other campers who started to slowly make their way over. Nico didn’t pay them any mind, too busy looking down at his hands in awe, turning them over slowly.

They crouched down, poking Nico in the legs. “Hey, Nico,” Connor asked, stifling his laughter behind pursed lips. “What’s up?”

Confused at the incessant contact, Nico looked up, but instead of looking at the brothers he seemed to be looking through them, but then they turned around, nobody was there. Nico tilted his head. “Bianca?” The word was soft, loving, sweet and the boys sat back on their hunches, suddenly deflated. “Mama? Come e’ stai?”

Before they could reply, an angry, booming voice shouted out from behind them. “What did you do?”

Cassie, the smart girl, was nowhere to be seen.

"H-hey Jason." Travis laughed nervously, as Jason stopped in front of them "what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

"Don't play dumb with me boys," Jason snapped, pushing the Stolls aside. "What did you..." his face fell. "Oh, hells."

Nico was smiling, placing invisible cards down and speaking in Italian to people who weren't there. "Bianca? Il tuo turno."

Shoulders tensing, Jason kneeled down and placed his hand on Nico's arm. "Nico, hey man, can you hear me?" He shook the smaller boy.

Blinking, Nick bleary looked up at him and tilted his head. "Si?" He grinned. "Oh, you're pretty looking." He turned to the side. "Bianca, look! Don't you think he's pretty looking?"

"Nico, do you know who I am?" Jason decided to ignore Nico's other comment. At Nico’s blank stare he sighed. “It’s Jason. You know me.”

“Oh, you’re like my card!” Nico exclaimed, delighted, as he mimed pulling a card out of his deck and shoving it in Jason’s face. “Descendent of Zeus! 89 hit points, has 200 attack powers, plus 6 to saving throws! I have your figure somewhere…” he started patting down his pockets, and Jason gripped him by the shoulders as he looked around the group. “Bianca, do you know where my figurines are?”

A cold sense of dread trickled down Jason’s spine. He’d heard that name before, pained shouts at night from the mast of the Argo II, whispers from older campers of when he first arrived, the quiet explanation from Will as to why Nico always left a space beside him at the campfire or the tables. He whirled on the Stoll’s. “Explain this, now.”

“It was just a Mist Bomb,” Travis explained quickly. “Nothing harmful.”

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. “He’ll be tripping balls for the next few hours but it won’t hurt him.”

“Right, sure.” Jason stood, carrying most of Nico’s weight as he walked him towards the Hades cabin. “Don’t expect to be let off on this scotch free you two.” He called over his shoulder as he pushed open the cabin door.

It was as cold and creepy as Jason expected, black obsidian walls and skeleton arm sconces. He set Nico down on his bunk and put a hand to his forehead when he glanced down. “Nico, is that a bruise? Did they hurt you? Those lying sons of-” He paused as Nico shook his head.

There was a dreamy expression on his face as he smiled with far away eyes. “No, it was from Will. He has very soft lips and sometimes when he bites, it-” Jason put a hand to Nico’s mouth to silence him.

“Not now, Nico,” Jason stood and turned to the picture of water resting on a table. “You can tell me your deepest darkest secrets later, but right now you’re out of your mind. Let me get you a glass of water.”

When he turned back, Nico’s eyes were wide with fear, hands fisted in the sheets and his breathing coming in panicked gasps. “Where am I?”

"Nico...?" Jason trailed off as Nico flinched and put his back to the wall.

"Stop talking." Nico hissed, looking around desperately. "You can't trick me this time. I'm smarter than that now."

"Hey, Nico, what are you talking about?" Jason placed the glass of water on a table. "What's going on?"

Suddenly, Nico gasped and dived past Jason to the other end of the room, pulling his sword and holding it in front of him. "Stay away!" He cried, eyes wide and fearful. "Leave me alone!"

"Nico, it's me!" Jason took a step closer but Nico pointed his sword at Jason's chest. "What's going on with you?"

"You're not real!" Nico's voice broke as he scrambled backward, desperately clawing at the cabin walls, eyes fixed on Jason. "You never were! I won't ever get out of here and this is my punishment, isn't it?" He looked around the room, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Akhlys, is this your doing? Is this a joke? You told me I was already broken; why would you make it worse?"

Jason paused, heart-catching, as Nico curled into himself and sobbed into his arms, sinking to the floor and muttering in Italian. Akhlys, Jason thought she was in Tartarus. Percy and Annabeth told me about her. Does Nico think he's in Tartarus?

"Nico," Jason cooed quietly "it’s alright. You're at Camp Half-Blood, not Tartarus. You’re in the Hades cabin. You're safe."

"Hades doesn't have a cabin at Camp Half-Blood and I'm not accepted there anyway, so I wouldn't go back if you dragged me." Nico sniffled, trying to become one with the wall. "You can't trick me. Not this time."

Reaching out, Jason rested his hand on Nico's arm and grabbed his wrist when he pulled away. "No Nico, this is real. You're safe, you made it out. You're ok."

"I don't believe you," Nico whimpered eyes darting around. "I'm going to die down here alone and nobody is ever going to miss me."

Balking, Jason shook his head, gripping Nico tighter. "Nico, that's not true. We'd all miss you, me and Hazel and Leo and Piper and Frank, Annabeth and Percy-"

"Great, now I know this is Akhlys' doing." Nico snarled as he tried to stand. "I told you, leave me alone. I know better than to talk to ghosts and illusions anyway. Get out of my face."

It was hard to comprehend that this sniveling, scared boy was Nico di Angelo. One of three to ever endure Tartarus and live. One of 2 to be born from a different time. Son of Hades. This must have been what Nico was like as a kid, Jason thought, but then realized Nico is a kid. He’s 14. Not 18, not 16, not 20, he’s 14.

“Nico,” Jason whispered, barely heard over the sobs of the younger boy in front of him. “What can I do?”

“You can go away and leave me alone.” Nico hiccupped. “It’s not like you haven’t already made my life a misery. Leave me alone.”

“But Nico-”

“Stop it!” Nico screamed, the sconces going dim and the room falling colder than before. If Jason could see the grass beneath the cabin, he was sure it had wilted. “Stop filling my head with… with lies and fake promises! I know who I am and what I am! I know I’m going to die down here and I have nobody to miss me! You don’t need to tell me that!”

“Nico, I am real!” Jason gripped Nico’s arms with both hands now, pulling the resisting boy closer. “Listen to me! Can you feel me touching you? It’s real! You found the Doors of Death and we defeated Gaia! You’re dating Will Solace from the Apollo cabin! You teach sword fighting classes and the little kids here love playing with you! Sally Jackson sends you a cake every year on your birthday! Nico, listen, this is real, I’m real. You have to believe me.”

Slowly, not as fast as Jason would have liked by slowly nonetheless, Nico’s resistant struggles weakened and the glaze in his eyes faded slowly, the tears down his face and in his face glinting in the sluggishly burning torchlight. “Jason?” his whispered, voice caught on a sob “You’re real? I’m- I’m out? It’s not real?”

“Yeah Nico, I’m right here.” Jason brought Nico to his chest and held him while the younger boy sobbed into his chest and clutched at his shirt. “It’s alright, I’m right here. I’m not going to leave you.”

After a few moments of sobbing, Nico whispered “I’m tired now” and Jason lifted him up and carried him to his bunk, but Nico was still desperately clasping onto his shirt. “Don’t leave.”

So Jason made himself comfortable and laid down with Nico, covering the blankets over both of them as Nico writhed and sobbed and hiccupped and begged, muttering words like, Percy, Will, Bianca, Mama, why, Father, Bob, help, Jason, how, what did I do, I’m sorry, and Jason just clutched him tighter to his chest and held him until they both fell asleep.

Nico was gone when Jason woke up, the covers pulled neatly over him and tucked into the sides of the bed and the early morning light streaming in through the uncovered windows to glitter across the floor.

The first thing Jason did was to find Percy, who was frantically shoving rubbish and unfolded clothes out of sight. “Oh, hey man.” Percy shoved a half-eaten jar of peanut butter (which seemed to be eaten with rather large fingers) into a helmet with a blue plume and turned it upside down. “You come to help clean up for inspection?” He flashed Jason a grin. “Or do you need help with yours?”

Jason shrugged as he closed the cabin door behind him. “Nah man, it’s Piper and Annabeth. I’m usually let off the hook a little with them.”

Almost dropping his armful of clothes, Percy turned to gawp at Jason. “What the hells? They nag on me more! Annabeth has never once let me off the hook.” He scowled before throwing a shirt at Jason. “Well, if you’re here, you can assist. I’m the only occupant in the cabin so I don’t have any help for inspections.”

Frowning, Jason walked to a pile and started folding clothes. “If you’re just one person, how do you manage to make so much mess?” He teased.

“Shut up, Grace.” Percy laughed tossing a shoe at Jason’s head, which he ducked and it bounced harmlessly off the back wall. “Sometimes my brother stays over as well. Tyson? I don’t think you’ve met him, but he has like, an addiction to peanut butter. I only just managed to clean it off the walls by his bunk.”

“Oh right, I think I’ve heard of him. Cyclops, yeah?”

“Yeah, he’s a big adorable goofball. I love him to death.”

“I’d love to meet him one day.”

“You should. You two would get on like a house on fire.”

Jason grinned, but the mention of death reminded him of what he was really there for, which may have been unfair to Nico. “Hey Percy,” Jason opened a drawer and shoved a handful of freshly folded socks into it. “Did you hear about what happened yesterday?”

Currently trying to hold back a torrent of clothes and knickknacks from falling out of the cupboard, Percy gave a strained grunt. “I didn’t hear anything. I was at the stables all day man, so unless you want to know about the newborn fowls or the pegasi sugar cube addiction, I don’t think I have any news for you.”

“About something that happened with Nico?” Giving up with the closet, Percy slammed the door shut before anything could tumble out and had taken to pulling objects out from under his bunk, but stopped at the mention of Nico’s name, hand buried in dust bunnies. “And the Stoll’s?”

“I already don’t like where this is going.” Percy sighed as he sat heavily on his bunk and waved Jason over to join him.

“You shouldn’t.” Looking around the slightly cleaner cabin, Jason was surprised that he couldn’t quite find the words he wanted to say, not with Percy’s eyes boring burning holes of concern and anger into his head. He hadn’t realized how intimating and dangerous the son of Poseidon was before, but he very much did now. “Have you heard of a Mist Bomb? New toy from the Hecate cabin repertoire. Connor and Travis thought it would be funny to use it on Nico.”

“Holy Hephaestus please tell me your joking,” with his mouth hanging open and his eyes bulging, Jason understood now why Annabeth often ridiculed that Percy looked like a fish. “What happened?”

“I got there when there was already a crowd, and Nico was on the floor,” Jason explained. “He was talking in Italian. To Bianca and his mum, but I thought Bianca was reincarnated?”

“She is, it wasn’t her ghost if that’s what you’re thinking.” Percy leaned his head against the back wall. “Trick of the Mist, like when Hazel does it.”

“Yeah. He called me ‘pretty-looking’ and said he didn’t know who I was but said all these numbers I couldn’t understand. Called me a ‘Descendent of Zeus’ and went looking for my figurine?”

There was a ghost of a smile on Percy’s face, a memory of a time long gone. “Myth-o-magic. When we found him, he was obsessed with that game. Bianca died on a quest we went on together to free Annabeth, trying to get him the only figurine he didn’t have.” Percy looked defeated. “Would you believe that it was the Hades figure?”

Jason blinked. “I never knew that.”

“Yeah well, I should have been there to save her.” Percy rubbed the back of his neck. “What happened next?”

“I took him to his cabin.” Jason cleared his throat. “It started off fine. I stopped him from talking about his personal life though. I went to get him water and when I turned back around he was scared out of his mind. I thought he was going to kill me.”

“Nico? Scared? I don’t think those words have ever really gone together lately.”

“He didn’t know who I was. He thought he was still in Tartarus.”

Percy closed his eyes. “I don’t know what else you expected. Probably the most traumatic experience of his life and he went through it alone. That’s gotta suck. If I hadn’t had Annabeth, I doubt I would have made it out of there in one piece. Hells, I still don’t think I made it out in one piece.”

Rubbing his hands roughly through his hair, Jason sighed out his nose. “I’ve only just realized that he’s 14, Perce. He’s younger than all of us, yet he’s been through more than any of us could ever dream of.”

“Yeah, he and Hazel are the youngest, but they’re the oldest too.” Percy agreed. “I don’t know how that would work. Technically speaking, they’re both in their 70’s.”

Jason shivered. “Ugh, please don’t make me think about that.”

They were silent a moment, contemplating the unfairness of life when Percy spoke out of the silence. “So, what do you want to do about it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Connor and Travis. You don’t want to get them back for what they did to Nico?”

Looking around the cabin, Jason took in the wrappers and tissues on the floor, the twisted and knotted fishing net tangled with a trident up on the roof, the clothes covered in dust still peeking out from under the bed, the faint smears of peanut butter on the opposite wall but the very strong smell. “But… the inspection?”

Percy waved him off. “What about the inspection? What’s Annabeth going to do? I can handle stable duty, I basically do it anyway.” He leaned forward, a new, mischievous smirk in his eye. “So come on, what have you got in mind?”

“I honestly didn’t get that far ahead,” Jason admitted. “We could probably just teach them a lesson.”

“I have a much better idea.” Percy stood, strolling to his cabinet, where he pocketed Riptide and walked to the door. “One on one combat, the sons of Hermes versus the sons of the Big Three. I mean, we’re not going to hurt them much, but how embarrassing would it be to get their ass beat in front of the whole camp?”

Grinning Jason took Percy’s outstretched hand and stood with his friend. “I like the way you think, Jackson.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Grace. I’ll take Travis, you take Connor.”

“Deal.”

#pjo #hoo #percy jackson #jason grace #nico di angelo #connor stoll #travis stoll #tartarus #hallucinations #pranks #the stolls are pains in the ass #and nico just can't catch a break #my writing

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mysplaced-pen · 7 years

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How would the RFA++ react to an MC who works as a manga artist and has written a ton of successful horror mangas? (Also sorry for spamming you yesterday 😂 your headcanons and fics are so good!!) Thanks! ♡

hey! No worries for spamming me, I’m happy you like what I write ahhhhhh♥

also, this was a fun request, thank you!!

zen

ok so he saw mc’s drawings when he was looking for a certain script

and though he’s lowkey scared of the rather graphic drawings, he’s impressed

he asks mc about it when they get home, since they never really talked about it

mc’s just glad he’s interested and starts telling him everything

zen’s never seen mc’s eyes light up this much and he just loves it

sure, it’s about scary stuff, but to him that’s all the more intriguing?

“mc, if someone makes a musical out of this, I want to play that character”

now mc is even more excited because that would be hella cool

they probably start making a manga that would fit to zen more, like character-wise

and he is Hyped…they’re both Hyped

look, they’re just so excited about each other’s work that sometimes zen makes up songs for mc’s manga and mc draws the characters he plays

they fangirl over each other at this point, its hilarious and adorable

the fans love it

yoosung

horror isn’t his thing, really

but at the same time, he’s really interested about mc’s characters

helps with world-building! and character arcs!!

he loves getting all the sneak peeks and knowing what happens before everyone else

his college buddies hate him because he always “guesses” right

and then they find out about mc and call him a cheater

but anyways, he’s more interested in the characters and worlds they build up rather than the actual plot

when mc is out of inspiration, they run to him and he knows the best solutions to things

they made a character based off of him!

yoosung was so flattered

“…i don’t die though, right?”

“no, of course not! you get to live, I promise”

they kind of based it off how he went to Mint Eye and hurt his eye

jaehee

horror is also not her favorite, but she’s more interested than yoosung in the genre

she is so impressed with mc’s drawings like wow, how

you should see her face when mc tells her what happens

“you’re cruel, mc. it’s going to be amazing!”

helps out more with plot and characters. especially characters

gets emotionally attached to mc’s characters

“nooo, mc!! why did you kill her, she was my favorite! she deserved so much better” :(((

mc just evil laughs

what kind of betrayal

when mc gets it published, she sells some copies at the cafe

it helps spread publicity both ways!

all the regulars read in the cafe and talk to jaehee about what happened

“I know, right?! they’re evil. but they write and draw so good!” and she smiles at mc

it’s adorable, really

jaehee also helps comes up with merch ideas!

jumin

he is honestly so impressed

this one helps with plot

and he is so cruel!! mc loves it they are truly an evil duo

but it’s also so captivating and suspenseful that people can’t stop reading

he helps get mc’s stuff published

even the guards read it

everyone reads it, it’s company policy oops

i mean, unless you really don’t want to

the reporters around them ask about sneak peeks

jumin never tells them a thing, though

insists elizabeth makes a cameo in one

of course, she can’t die

“hey mc, so I had an idea about what should happen to the main character”

“oh, do tell……holy moly that is a great idea”

jumin just smiles. no one knows how he comes up with these things

707 / luciel / saeyoung

he saw some of their stuff from the background check

and he was an automatic fan

so when he sees mc drawing a new panel, he’s like

“what’s gonna happen nextttttt???” “no spoilers, saeyoung”

somehow he manages to always guess what mc’s going to do

sometimes he offers better solutions

and helps make the character reactions more realistic, given all he’s seen

also offers some of his spy stories as plots

which mc actually uses sometimes

when mc has the idea to do a space horror type thing, he is first in line with ideas

it’s their joint creation

saeyoung calls it their child

it was his idea to have the reader fall in love with a certain character and oh look, they’re the real antagonist and now you hate them

spreads word by hacking into social media sites and advertises there

i mean…it worked

v / jihyun

love love loves it!

who cares if it’s horror, it is absolute art

and v’s main job is color help

which mc is actually very thankful for, now their manga has a different color palette than every other horror manga

and these characters look good

he also helps with symbolism and plot twists

spreads words through the party and his connections

the rfa always asks for sneak peeks, but jihyun is the Master Secret Keeper

he does not tell a soul, not even jumin or saeyoung

“why would I ruin the element of surprise for mc? that’s disrespectful to their hard work!”

v, please, they just want to know if someone lives

no, they get nothing

once in a while, he comes up with the most amazing plot twists, mc is so impressed

surprises them at one point by finding look-a-likes for their characters in case, you know, there’s ever a movie or tv show

saeran

this is his shit

helps with all the horror elements and loves everything

sometimes, he gets emotionally attached to a character and mc has to change the plot so they don’t die

they can’t stand to see the poor bean sad because they killed off a character

but she doesn’t tell the rest of the rfa that the plot changed, so they think she’s lying to them all the time

when, in reality, that was the original plan. saeran just really liked this one person

he’s a good drawer, too, and he helps with background sometimes

mc is thankful and honestly really amazed, his backgrounds are so detailed

he’s also a good worldbuilder!

part of the reason his backgrounds are so detailed is because he has some plans for horror stuff and it can incorporate the scenery

mc is impressed

totally also makes him a character that survives everything

he grins. grins. it’s so cute

“i survive? after all that?” he asks

“yes, you do. and you get a happy ending.” and he smiles wider

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger hc #mysme headcanon #jaehee kang #yoosung kim #zen mysme #hyun ryu #jihyun kim #v #jumin han #saeran choi #saeyoung choi #707 #long post #ams has rambled #a request!#i-stole-your-kohai

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diggerhome64-blog · 5 years

Text

Beau du Bois Does the Truffle Shuffle at Corner Door

Since its opening on a quiet stretch of Washington Boulevard in June 2012, The Corner Door has become a neighborhood favorite and a destination for cocktail enthusiasts, who make the pilgrimage to Culver City for the inventive, classically driven drinks offered by Beau du Bois. The accolades for du Bois have been a constant from Day One, including being named to the Zagat 30 Under 30 in 2013, and Eater LA’s Bartender of the Year in 2014.

During a lively brunch service at Eveleigh, du Bois talked about his favorite L.A. bartenders, an unforgettable trip to Oaxaca, and his latest Corner Door menu, which was inspired by a beloved 80s summer blockbuster. “Obviously there’s always going to be a need to do seasonal, refreshing menus. From an administrative standpoint, with the popularity of cocktail programs and seasonal menus in Los Angeles, I wanted to make [the current menu] seasonally driven but also kind of put some talking points on it, so I decided to choose something that would really inspire me and also inspire people to be at tables and start chatting about it.”

“The memories of The Goonies – I think 95% of people have some sense of nostalgia towards [it] and it’s a timeless classic,” du Bois continues. “It’s such a beautiful ensemble of cast and characters and events, and it’s a great adventure story – there was plenty to pull from to build a well-balanced, versatile cocktail menu. But also have some spring, seasonal and summer influences as well, so that people can feel a transition from L.A. ‘winter’ to L.A. spring and summer.”

Truffle Shuffle at The Corner Door | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

Du Bois is pleasantly surprised that the breakout drink from the Goonies menu is the Truffle Shuffle, made with Nikka Coffey Grain Whisky, house-made hazelnut liqueur and cacao nib bitters, served with house-made trail mix. “What’s really interesting this time around is the standout cocktail is the one ultra-premium cocktail that I put on the menu,” says du Bois. “I knew it was a great cocktail [with a] beautiful presentation, but at $18 I was like, ‘We’ll see how this does,’ you know? I think it’ll sell here and there, but only for groups that are looking to celebrate or really cap out their night together and share it. It’s really encouraging and incredible to see at $18 apiece, nobody’s batting their eye.”

The hazelnut liqueur is made from a Laird’s base with some hazelnuts. “Then I make a hazelnut cordial, a few different spices that elevate the hazelnut flavor. And then I did an infused cacao nib bitters, which is a combination of some aromatic bitters that I let sit with a bunch of cocoa nibs.”

“Just stir that together, so it’s basically a Japanese whisky Old Fashioned. Japanese whisky is so delicate and subtle in itself that it even boils down to how many times the bartender can stir it, which is significantly less than an Old Fashioned.”

The Truffle Shuffle is served with a hedge of house-made trail mix that’s made exclusively for the cocktail. “I bake hazelnuts and pistachios in honey, butter, cinnamon, garlic, brown sugar and salt. It’s served with dark chocolate bits and dried mandarins. Delicious, very smooth, very approachable. The whole presentation comes out very beautiful – you have your drink and your snacks.”

Du Bois adds, “The trail mix is addictive. Oh my God. Right now… it’s only for the cocktail, that’s it. People are like, ‘Let me just buy a plate of it, PLEASE!'”

During a recent trip to Oaxaca, du Bois’ feed started blowing up. “Who is this ‘Jeff Cohen‘? I realized, that’s the actor that played Chunk. He was tweeting about the Truffle Shuffle at Corner Door! That’s all I could hope for. He’s been a very outspoken, big supporter of the fanship around Goonies. He’s a retired actor and is now a lawyer representing child actors, but he always seems like he’s had a warm spot for Goonies and the fanship around it, which is great.”

Mama Fratelli at The Corner Door | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

“The other stirred cocktail is a rye-based cocktail called the Mama Fratelli, which I think is one of my favorite cocktails I’ve ever done. It’s Rittenhouse Rye with espresso infused Carpano Antica, a little coconut liqueur, and salt. Not really an archetype there, you can kind of say it’s a Manhattan variation, but there’s so little vermouth in it – and also the coconut liqueur and the salt. It’s very rye driven but I’ve never tasted anything like it, and honestly without the salt it would be half the cocktail it is now.”

Data Plan at The Corner Door | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

Some of the shaken cocktails are doing really well, says du Bois. The Data Plan is made with strawberry infused Altos Tequila, falernum, Miracle Mile Bergamot Bitters, lime juice and Dolin Bianco Vermouth. “Light, bright, lush, jammy, refreshing, beautiful presentation. That’s a big standout for sure as well.”

Astoria Country Club at The Corner Door: green tea-infused Pisco Porton, Chareau, honey, cantaloupe, lime, prosecco | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

Rich Stuff at The Corner Door: saffron-infused bourbon, Cynar, Creme de Peche, lemon, egg white, orange bitters | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

Du Bois says, “Whenever you can do a seasonal menu like this and put a theme around it, it also demonstrates to your guests: here’s the rest of our cocktail menu, here are some of our house classics – the French 75, the Mezcallin, the Taco Truck – but this little subsection down here, this is really where we cut the cord to the brakes and get nerdy and creative without alienating anybody at the same time.”

Taco Truck at The Corner Door | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

Speaking of the Taco Truck, it remains a favorite of imbibers near and far and has continued to win new fans since its debut at Art Beyond the Glass II in 2013. “Such a great story with that cocktail,” says du Bois. “I was told that I was going to be doing a mezcal sponsor, La Niña del Mezcal. I came up with this really, really overly contrived cocktail during the week leading up to Art Beyond the Glass. I was doing all my mise en place, getting my prep together and batching the cocktail. And literally the night before, I’m like, ‘I hate this cocktail.’ I hate this drink, it’s way too heavy on the mixology, it’s way too contrived, and it’s dumb. I’m showing off way too much. So I decided, I’m just going to do a Negroni variation. I’ll infuse the Campari with flavors that complement and elevate mezcal. And that’s it.”

Du Bois continues, “It’s an event that is bartender driven, bartender attended and friends of bartenders. Such a great event. Everybody’s doing X, Y and Z, and I’m just making this Negroni, which was super easy. People were loving it, and regulars at Corner Door were there – ‘You gotta put this on the menu.’ I put it on the menu at Corner Door, took it off the menu, and there were riots in the streets. I put it back on the menu and I’ve never taken it off. gaz regan reached out to me and said it was one of the best cocktails in the world, a few other people [said it was] the best Negroni variation in the U.S., Imbibe has featured it a bunch. It’s just a perfect example of how the simple stuff, the stuff that doesn’t get overthought, sometimes tend to be the best.”

Du Bois is also rolling out the latest iteration of The Other List, his “secret” menu designed especially for regulars and cocktail enthusiasts. “This one is going to be a hyper-focused vermouth edition of The Other List. We’re going to do some vermouth based cocktails – Vermouth Panaché, Fifty-Fifties. I’m really going to try – easier said than done – to make L.A.’s best Manhattan. I want to do a nice, beautiful proprietary vermouth blend, maybe with a few infusions here and there. Have a lovely menu [with a] Fifty-Fifty, Manhattan, Vermouth Panaché and a dry vermouth Daiquiri. Feature some of the house vermouths.”

“If you hang out on the Westside and talk to any bartenders on the Westside, they will always tell you – with a smirk on their face – if I’m walking into your bar, you have to get your dry vermouth out. [laughs] That’s all I drink, is dry vermouth.”

Asked if he’s been to Moruno at The Original Farmer’s Market, du Bois enthusiastically answers, “The second I saw [info] about their vermouth program, I went straight there. Had some breakfast at [The French Crepe Co] – which is always delicious – and I tried their vermouth.”

“I had expectations as an old, bitter, cynical bartender that I was going to taste something that was really good but not great – ‘I see what you’re trying to do and I think that that’s fantastic.’ WOW, I could not have been more wrong. It was amazing. It was seamless and it was beautiful.”

“Putting it on tap is one of the most genius things you could do from an administrative standpoint,” he continues. “And as I’m drinking it, geeking out over this dry vermouth on the rocks, served with a orange wedge and olives, I look around and I’m like, ‘I’m probably the only one drinking this.’ Not the case. Once again, wrong. I look around and everybody is finishing their meals with dry vermouth or sweet vermouth. And I was like, ‘OK, so this is what heaven looks like.’ The balance of the dry vermouth was way beyond what I expected. Amazing. I can’t recommend it enough.”

El Silencio Master Mezcalier, Pedro Hernández and Beau du Bois | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

During the second year of The Corner Door, du Bois began a fruitful relationship with Mezcal El Silencio. “Marcos [Tello] and I have known each other for a long time,” says du Bois. “He’s always been such a great resource. We just got to talking. I don’t know how long they had been doing their Espadin. I tasted it, it was a great product for what we were looking for. It just made a lot of sense to fit into a place like Corner Door. I think the Corner Door brand and the Silencio brand just seem to work really well with each other. I’ve always loved the flavor of the mezcal, so the rest is history.”

“They’ve been nothing but great – it’s such a supportive, family driven, bar community based mezcal. They never cease to meet my standards by any means when it comes to my needs for support for events or anything like that.”

Mezcallins and Taco Trucks at the “Get Lost in L.A.” launch | Photo courtesy of Beau du Bois

In March 2016, El Silencio helped sponsor a media event in New York to promote the launch of the “Get Lost in L.A.” campaign for L.A. Tourism. [Full disclosure: I’m the Content Manager for Discover Los Angeles.] The event featured cocktails by du Bois, tacos by Guerrilla Tacos and a live art installation by street artist Colette Miller. “We made the Mezcallin and the Taco Truck and featured El Silencio. I think they had just activated in New York so it was perfect for them as well. The event was such a smash hit. It raised awareness for Corner Door and obviously for Los Angeles, but definitely for Silencio as well.”

“So [El Silencio] approached me, ‘Hey, we’re taking 80 people to Oaxaca to visit our palenque, see Oaxaca as a city, do a little cocktail competition and all that. We would love to have you.’ It was one of the few times where my schedule opened up and I could actually go on a trip, which was nice.”

Du Bois was talking to Alex Day two days before leaving for the event. “I really thought it was going to be a nice, relaxing trip to Oaxaca – get some sunshine, stay under the radar, sip some mezcal, lay by the pool, have some amazing Oaxacan cuisine. And then I found out Zach Patterson was going.” [laughs]

“Silencio absolutely smashed this trip out of the park,” says du Bois. “There wasn’t a minute of this trip that wasn’t planned, orchestrated and beyond fun, enriching and educational. There was a parade for us in the streets in Oaxaca. Just to go to dinner, there were 80 people in the streets with bottles of Silencio, and floats, dancers and mariachi. We’re walking in the streets and I don’t even know where we’re going. I think I’m eight shots of Silencio in. We go to dinner in this huge what feels like an army bunker of some kind. There’s fire, live music and all this stuff, great food.”

Beau du Bois and Josh Goldman at the El Silencio palenque in San Baltazar Guelavila | Photo courtesy of Mezcal El Silencio

“We painted the town red and the next day we visited the palenque and got to meet the master distiller, Pedro Hernandez, who is a ninth generation mezcal maker. And finally, the owner of Silencio, Fausto Zapata – such a lovely, charming, lively individual that it’s hard not to have a really incredible time anywhere, let alone Oaxaca, if you’re hanging out with Fausto.”

Du Bois continues, “Just getting ready to learn about the brand and the story behind it, seeing the agave fields – very family driven production behind Silencio. I think the best part of my night was after things kind of winded down, getting to meet the rest of Pedro’s family, all his daughters and his sisters. Introducing me to I think his second oldest daughter, ‘This is the next generation of mezcal makers.’ Lovely, very charming young lady who probably at this point in her very young life knows way more about mezcal than maybe all the bartenders in this room combined.”

“Getting to meet her and dance the night away with Fausto and Pedro’s family underneath the tents in the agave fields. There’s a worse way to spend your Saturday night in Mexico!”

The agave fields of Oaxaca are a long way from Ball State in Indiana, where du Bois was finishing his sophomore year in 2004. “My birthday is late in the year – May 2nd – that’s finals week, all that stuff. I was celebrating my 21st birthday that week. The Martini lounge in my college town was the fancy place. So my professors were like, ‘After you’re done with your friends, meet us at Motini’s and you’ll have a proper cocktail with us,’ which ended up being a gin Martini with Boodles. At 21 years old, I can say with great confidence I did not have the palate for it.”

“I overheard the owner talking to one of the professors, ‘If you know of any students staying over, I need bartenders.’ I had no bartending experience, so I’m useless. I’m waiting in line for the bathroom, and there are three beautiful blonde girls waiting in line as well. And I was that right amount of drunk to be that right amount of charming for that five-minute window. Apparently I made a joke that got them all laughing and giggling right as the owner walked by. He thought the girls were with me. Here’s this guy, he’s got three girls with him, we gotta hire him. So he’s like, ‘Are you staying over the summer?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you have any bartending experience?’

‘No, not at all.’

‘OK you start tomorrow.’ [laughs]

“Started the next day, learned everything – making Cosmos, gin Martinis, even Colorado Bulldogs if you’re old enough to remember what those were. It’s a White Russian with a splash of Coke on it. Actually, pretty good.”

“Fast forward, consulted on a few bars back in Indiana because I found this rich, American heritage to cocktail making. Just really started to get into it. Was gonna move to Chicago, decided to come to L.A. because the weather is … the weather. The L.A. cocktail scene was just starting to get the engine going. Took the better part of a year to find a job. [I was] the last bartender hired at the Hyatt in West Hollywood, which was the infamous ‘Riot Hyatt,’ just as they were getting ready to be renovated to the Andaz. Just kept studying, working, building my knowledge of classic and modern cocktail making.”

“I was reading a lot of Dale DeGroff, which was a perfect blend of approachable cocktail making, real serious classic standards and presentation focused as well. Try to imagine, nobody teaching you how to flame an orange peel, and trying to figure it out from a book. ‘I’m supposed to snap the orange wedge in half?’ Because he doesn’t look like he’s breaking it in the picture, you know? I was at home burning the shit out of my fingertips.”

Du Bois continues, “Hyatt closed and I used the in-between time – I went to New York for a little bit, and all I was doing was looking at books, memorizing how to make for instance a Vieux Carré, a Manhattan and a Gimlet. And then going and sitting in front of bartenders that I knew were established: Eric Alperin, Marcos Tello, Damian Windsor, Jason Bran. I don’t think they knew it at the time, but I would order a Vieux Carré from Eric and I would just watch him make it. I would study his technique and take notes. I would watch Marcos shake a Gimlet, watch Damian interact with guests and navigate Bartender’s Choices.”

“So there’s a handful of bartenders in this city – I don’t even know if they’re aware of this, but they’ve actually secretly sort of mentored me. I used that to become the head bartender at the Andaz and – aside from Eveleigh – doing one of the first farm-to-table cocktail programs in the city. I was way underqualified and I had to work really hard to make that work.” RH at the Andaz was du Bois’ breakthrough in the L.A. cocktail community and a harbinger of drinks to come.

After RH, du Bois helped David LeFevre open MB Post and consulted on a few other programs behind the scenes in L.A. “Then four years ago, the owners of Corner Door found me. ‘We like what you do, we just want more of it. We want it to be neighborhood driven, we want to have the same caliber of cocktails as some of the best places in the city, but we still want it to be approachable.’ The owners just wanted a place [with a] good burger, good beers and great cocktails. And that’s what we set out to do and it’s definitely been that and then some.”

Du Bois recalls meeting Julian Cox for the first time, which surprisingly didn’t happen until last fall. “Julian is one of the people that – for myself, my situation is a little different than some bartenders, not having had a mentor. And having to study these people, like Eric Alperin, Marcos Tello, Damian Windsor and Julian Cox. Reading about them as they’re building this revolution and cocktail awareness in Los Angeles.”

“One of the most heartbreaking things to me was learning that Julian was leaving the city, and he and I had never really been introduced. I went to one of his opening nights at Fiscal Agent and that was the first time we had ever met, which was incredible. He came around the bar and sat down and talked to me a little bit about his approach. I’m obviously a little buzzed, just spouting sonnets about what he was doing at Fiscal Agent – it felt like a total secret bartender paradise. Just watching somebody like him making the cocktails and explaining his creative process behind it was like fast forwarding four years of educational expertise.”

The L.A. bar community came out in force at a going away party for Cox and Kristina Howald at Petty Cash. “He was so charming at Fiscal Agent, I’m definitely going to [Petty Cash] and at least shake the dude’s hand and say ‘thank you’ for everything you’ve given to this city from a cocktail standpoint. I’ve interviewed countless bartenders who [said] ‘I took Julian Cox’s class.’ I’ve seen the difference in these people versus other candidates. You always see some kind of thematic throughline with each of the bartenders that Julian has trained, and it’s all very positive.”

“So being at Julian’s going away party, I think one of the most humbling moments for me was seeing Julian across a very packed room of some of the greatest bartenders in the city, and bar enthusiasts, writers and cocktail lovers in general. Julian makes a point to cross the room, shake my hand, and the first thing he says, ‘I can’t wait to be in Chicago and read about all the great stuff you’re going to be doing here in L.A.’ It was like a bear hug / punch right in the feels. Gave me a hug, shook my hand, we chatted a little bit. I got to meet his son, talked to Kristina and hear about all the great plans for Chicago, which is formidable. Getting to say goodbye to somebody like that, even though I know it’s not forever obviously, was probably one of my favorite Los Angeles bartending moments of my career.”

Yael Vengroff at The Spare Room | Photo by Eugene Lee, courtesy of Yael Vengroff

On the rare occasion when du Bois has a night off or has some time to go out and have cocktails (“I try to as much as I can”), who are the bartenders that he visits? “I’ve said it a thousand times, but it never loses its potency with me, sitting in front [of] or even just watching Yael Vengroff bartend is one of the most impressive things you can witness from an industry standpoint, or even a consumer standpoint. Yael is the real deal in the sense of where creativity, pedigree, speed and hospitality, all intersect.”

“Now that we’ve glamorized bartending – as it should be – we’re celebritizing the people behind these great programs, as many of those people deserve. It’s also attracted a saturated market of bartenders who are what I like to call ‘skipping steps.’ Racing, racing, racing for that title without paying their dues and learning from people like Yael.”

“Yael is a person that is – if you were to hold her hand out, it wouldn’t be a hammer, a nail, a screwdriver, a knife and a bottle opener. It would just be all knives. If each finger represented all of her skillsets, something she’s dipped her toe in at some point in her career, it’s all there. Witnessing that is obviously impressive, but it’s beyond humbling. Even for someone like myself who’s been bartending for over a decade, I still have so much to learn.”

“Ryan Wainwright is one of the hardest working bartenders in the city,” says du Bois. “He’s constantly posting cocktails from a number of the places that fall under the banner of his beverage director position. He’s just a cool guy, he’s a cocktail lover – which is great – to see somebody who actually enjoys the perspective of the consumer as they’re crafting and designing the architecture of their cocktail recipes, and seeing that is unbelievable. It’s like knowing that, whether I have $20 to spare for a cocktail – I know it’s well spent – or it’s my last one on the planet, I’m gonna have a great cocktail made by somebody who is obsessed with cocktails. And that’s Ryan Wainwright.”

“I’ve always been a fan of Gaby [Gabriella Mlynarczyk], when she was at ink, Cadet and now Birch. She’s unbelievably talented, very straightforward. All of her recipes are very academic and extremely well executed. I think that’s the short list. Obviously if I can sit down in front of Damian Windsor or Eric Alperin and have cocktails, I know that they’re going to be fantastic. But Yael, Ryan and Gaby are incredibly impressive to me.”

The Corner Door 12477 W. Washington Blvd. Culver City, CA 90066 310.313.5810 www.thecornerdoorla.com

Photo of Beau du Bois courtesy of Acuna-Hansen.

Source: http://thirstyinla.com/2016/05/31/beau-du-bois-goonies-cocktail-menu/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Coming Home Chapter 12 (Shalaska) - Jem

AN: I apologize profusely for the wait. I know I said last chapter that I was back, but I guess I’m not as good at sorting my life as I hoped I would be. That being said, thank you all for sticking by me and giving me feedback on where you’d like to see this story go. Special shout out to @thewritingnymph for advice and support!

Chapter 12

Violet was walking from her French class alone on Monday afternoon when Matt caught up to her. She hadn’t seen him since the other night when they’d kissed, and she was frankly unsure of how to act around him. She felt guilty over how she’d treated him, and she still wasn’t certain about how she felt about what had happened. Avoiding him had been the easiest option, but of course it hadn’t lasted long.

“Hey.” Matt greeted her with his standard nonchalance, but she could tell he was nervous by how his hands fidgeted in his pockets as he walked beside her.

“Hey.” She replied, trying to judge the situation. Matt didn’t seem angry, if anything he looked like he was holding something in. Violet didn’t want to force it, so she just relaxed her face so her brows weren’t furrowed and her mouth didn’t have its signature “bitch pout”. Maybe he’d feel a little better then.

“Listen Violet, I’m really sorry about what happened. I was being stupid and I wasn’t thinking.” Matt finally explained.

“It’s ok.”

Matt looked unconvinced.

“No, really it’s ok. You didn’t really do anything wrong. I actually had a good time before it all got out of hand.” That much was true. Violet had never been able to let her guard down like that before in her whole life. It was so nice to be able to feel like a real teenager, if only for a moment. Maybe they shouldn’t have gotten so drunk, and maybe they shouldn’t have broken into that building, but it had honestly been harmless fun. Everything had just happened so fast that Violet’s brain hadn’t been able to catch up with her actions.

“Were Sharon and Alaska really mad?”

“They were at first. But not about the crown, or the drinking or any of that really. We’re ok now.”

“I’m really glad….”

They walked together in silence for a moment. There was still some kind of unresolved tension between them that hadn’t been there before. Was it always going to be like this? It had just been a kiss and a silly fight, nothing monumental. Violet looked over at Matt; his blonde hair was messy against his forehead, and his blue eyes wandered in the awkwardness between them, not meeting hers. True, she didn’t know if she was really attracted to him, but she cared about the boy a lot and had found a genuine friend in him that she’d never expected to discover. She selfishly hoped she hadn’t compromised that after their kiss.

“I still feel bad and I’d really like to make it up to you.” Matt broke the silence, pulling Violet out of her thoughts. “The Winter Formal is coming up this Friday and I don’t know if you like dances or if you’re going with someone already but if you’re not, would you like to go with me? As friends?” Matt blurted out faster than she’d ever heard him speak before.

“Oh.” Violet paused. “I already told Fame I’d go with her, as friends. But I wouldn’t be opposed to a third musketeer?”

“She doesn’t still hate me?”

“If me and my stone-cold heart can warm up to you, I’m positive she can.” Fame had a good heart; she wouldn’t be hard to win over.

“Ok.” Matt agreed, smiling sheepishly.

“Ok.” Violet gave him a smirk and turned the corner into her next class.

——-

As Friday rolled around, Violet and Fame were getting ready for the dance at Violet’s.

Alaska had helped Violet sew her own dress for the event, which had been very exciting. Violet had always been interested in fashion design, and Alaska had the skillset to properly teach her how to sew for the first time. It had also been an opportunity for them to talk more about Alaska’s life.

“Did you learn all of this for art school?” Violet had asked Alaska as the woman was showing her how to pin her fabric tightly to the pattern they’d made together.

“Some. I did a lot of fibre and performance work in school. It was definitely… experimental in my early years.”

“Oh my god, please tell me you have them on video.”

“I don’t.” Violet sighed in disappointment. “But I’m sure Sharon does….” Alaska continued.

That had become a wonderful afternoon of watching not only Alaska’s cringey, but simultaneously brilliant, performance pieces filmed on Sharon’s grainy video camera, but also sneaky clips Alaska had taken of Sharon’s run in Miss Pennsylvania US. It was sickeningly sweet how much the two of them seemed to adore each other. And even with the distraction they’d still finished Violet’s dress in time for Friday.

The gown was made out of deep purple lace layered over top of solid lilac fabric. It had a sweetheart neckline with short, frilly sleeves over the shoulders and it fell just above her knees. Overall, the dress was simple but had vintage inspiration; Violet was really pleased with the result considering it was her first project. She paired the look with an amethyst necklace she’d borrowed from Alaska.

Her and Fame were painting their nails when Sharon knocked, with a visitor in tow. Matt scratched the back of his head nervously as he greeted Violet and Fame from the doorway of Violet’s bedroom.

“What’s he doing here?” Fame asked a bit coldly, and Violet berated herself for putting off telling her friend that he’d be joining them.

“He’s alright, Fame, I swear.”

The blonde girl raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

“He asked to join us for the dance, and I know we both could use your esteemed fashion and beauty advice.” Fame finally seemed to take a breath, content with the compliment.

Sharon ushered Matt into the room, but lingered in the doorway, obviously wanting to speak.

“Do you guys need anything?” She asked cheerfully, observing the fun.

“No mom.” Violet rolled her eyes but smiled.

“Ok. I’m trying to be the cool mom, so I’ll get out of your way. Let me know if you need snacks or drinks or anything.”

Violet nodded a bit expectantly.

“Ok, ok I’ll get out.” She raised her hands in surrender.

Sharon turned and left so Violet invited Matt to take a seat on the floor next to her.

“Hello Matthew.” Fame said a bit curtly, barely looking up from her manicure to meet his eyes.

“You can call me Matt.”

“Alright Matt, do you have anything to wear tonight?” Fame stopped her work and looked the boy over. Violet could see the wheels turning in her head; the girl could never turn down a fashion project, even if said project was an asshole sometimes.

Matt pulled a basic, black suit jacket, pants, and a shirt out of the garment bag he’d entered with.

“It’s nothing special, really.” He said sheepishly. “What are you guys wearing?”

Violet showed him her dress, and he looked impressed, especially knowing she’d made it herself. Fame had also chosen a beautiful, strapless tan gown that hugged her form down to her knees then billowed out in a mermaid silhouette. They’d wanted to make sure their outfits complemented each other, so Violet had worn nude pumps and Fame had a lilac stole.

“Wow, those are really nice.” Matt remarked upon seeing both of their dresses. He seemed sincere but his voice held a tinge of sadness.

“Matt, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid.”

“It’s ok.”

“We’re the last people who’d judge you.” Fame assured him, clearly warming up to the boy now that she saw some vulnerability.

“I’m just gonna look so plain in my hand-me-down suit and you both are going to be stunning.”

“Well… I’m not sure if Sharon and Alaska have any boy’s clothes…..” Violet trailed off.

Matt was quiet.

“Do you want to wear boy’s clothes?”

Silence again.

“I don’t know.” He finally answered.

“Matt, this is going to be blunt but, do you think you’re like me?” Violet blurted out.

“Like, transgender?”

Violet nodded.

“I don’t think it’s the same, like, I’m not a girl.” Matt began to play with his hands, not meeting Violet’s eyes. He was obviously uncomfortable, but not closed to the discussion.

“I don’t exactly feel like a girl either; gender doesn’t feel like it applies to me, I just like to present as femme, you know?” Violet added.

“I don’t mind presenting as a boy, like I am a boy, but I like those things, necklaces, hair, lipstick.” He elaborated. “I am happy as Matt, I am Matt, but I want more sometimes too.”

“Do you think you want to do drag, Matt?” Fame piped in.

“Like, dressing up as a girl?”

“Like gender as performance. Playing around with those feminine things you like, but not changing your gender.” Violet explained.

“That sounds kind of cool.” He sounded reluctant to admit it.

“Do you want to go to prom in drag?” Violet pushed.

“What? No! No way. Everyone would make fun of me.”

“Ok, ok. One step at a time.” Fame said gently. “Why don’t you try on that suit and let’s see what we can do.”

Matt went to the bathroom to change.

The suit wasn’t horrible, considering Matt had borrowed it from an older cousin. The pants were nice and the jacket fit him well in the shoulders, but the white shirt and tie looked like they were strangling him.

Violet got an idea and she ran into Alaska and Sharon’s closet to borrow a dark grey turtleneck shirt. She had him try that instead, and he immediately looked more comfortable and casual.

The whole look began to come together. Fame styled Matt’s hair so it was slicked back, and with encouragement he allowed her to do some makeup. The lines of gender began to blur as she traced his eyes with black and a hint of glitter, and he even let her paint on bold red lips that matched Violet’s. The final touch was the classic pearl necklace he’d worn the other night.

He looked at himself in the mirror, shocked but (hopefully) not upset. “Wow.” He said in a breathy voice.

“Do you like it?”

“I do.” He made a show of running his hand through his slicked-back hair. “Does this make me gay now?”

“Oh my fucking God, Matt.” Violet exclaimed, and there was the normal, slightly problematic but kind-hearted, Matt.

“That was shitty, sorry.” He blushed. “I think I am kinda gay though.” He said much more seriously.

“Aren’t we all?” Fame stated the obvious, rolling her eyes, but not unkindly. She glanced sideways at Violet but the girl kept her face stoic.

“Now let’s get out of here so that Sharon and Alaska can take the million pictures I know they’ll want without us being too late.”

——-

Violet wouldn’t consider herself much of a dancer. But compared to Matt and Fame, she was practically a prima ballerina. Fame wasn’t terrible with the actual movements, but she had no sense of rhythm at all, and Matt��. well he had about as much grace as a baby elephant. Luckily there weren’t very high expectations for a high school dance. In fact, the atmosphere was a lot more chill than Violet had originally expected. Someone had definitely spiked the punch, and everyone was having a good time and didn’t bother them the whole night. They danced all three of them, taking turns laughing at each other.

“Violet!” Two voices yelled out in unison.

Violet turned to see Katya and Trixie walking her way with linked arms. Trixie looked more than a little tipsy, and was visible leaning on Katya for support.

“You look so beautiful!” Katya exclaimed, reaching a hand to touch Violet’s shoulder. The gesture was enough to call Matt and Fame’s attention away from their failed dance attempts.

“Katya!” Fame yelled in excitement, rushing to hug her and Trixie at the same time. “Are you guys here together?” She asked, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Oh yeah!” Katya answered fairly loudly, and Trixie blushed but didn’t look upset.

“That’s so nice! I’m so happy for you two.” Fame looked like she was getting emotional, but she was always sentimental about romance if any kind.

“Matt?” Trixie asked, almost as if she didn’t recognize the boy.

“Yeah?” He said tentatively, broken out of his carefree daze. He suddenly seemed self-conscious of his appearance and the makeup on his face. He bit his lip a bit nervously, Violet noticed.

“You look really good.” Trixie said fondly, maybe even proudly.

“Thanks Tracy…” Matt’s eyes shone as he pulled out her old nickname. “I think I finally get why you wear so much makeup.” He joked, gesturing to his own face then hers.

“Yeah?”

“To look like a hooker.”

Trixie burst into laughter that quickly spurred Katya and the rest of the group to join. “Ooh, you bitch!” She yelled at Matt, who looked rather pleased with himself. “Maybe if you’re lucky someone will want to take you home.”

Violet made sure to look straight ahead but she could tell Matt was looking at her through her peripheral vision.

Eventually Katya and Trixie returned to their date, and they were contrasting figures in hot pink and black and red, but somehow it all worked together as they spun rather expertly on the dance floor.

As the night came to a close, Fame was sleepy and that meant she was affectionate. Violet linked her arms around her waist as Fame leaned her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes. They swayed together to some slow song Violet didn’t recognize, content in the calm.

She was grateful to have someone who seemed to support her no matter what she did. Sometimes Violet didn’t know how Fame could still put up with her when she was being cunty and insensitive, but as much as she hated to admit it, she was insecure about just about everything and needed constant reassurance that she was loved. Fame seemed happy to give her that.

“Fame?” Violet whispered as people began to leave the dance floor.

“Mhmm?” The other girl mumbled, not opening her eyes.

“I think it’s time to go home.” Violet looked up at Matt over Fame’s shoulder, who smiled and nodded, coming over to stand closer to them.

“Oh, but I don’t want to go…”

“C’mon, you can barely stand on your own two feet.”

“I’m just having the best time ever, aren’t you guys? This has been the perfect night.”

Violet couldn’t agree more, but every night had to end.

Her and Matt managed to get Fame into the car, and they dropped her off at home first. The blonde gave Violet a gentle peck on the cheek before bidding them both goodnight.

Violet dropped Matt off next, and they sat in the car outside his house for a moment.

“Are you gonna be ok to go home like this?” Violet asked, hating that she had to at all.

Matt only then seemed to remember that he was wearing makeup.

“Oh.” He said gently, but not as scared as he usually appeared when discussing his family. “Do you have anything I can use to take this off?”

She nodded, fumbling for some makeup wipes in her bag. Matt took off as much as he could in the car mirror in the dark, and Violet was so sad to see him have to do it. She could relate to not feeling safe to present how she truly felt. He tried to give her back the pearl necklace he’d borrowed but she insisted he keep it. Sharon certainly wouldn’t wear it anymore.

“I’m sorry you have to do that.” She spoke.

“It’s ok.” He said calmly, and she raised an eyebrow. “My parents are not my rulers, you know? And I’m not gonna let them stop me anymore. Maybe one day I’ll be able to explain it to them and they’ll begin to understand.”

“I hope they will.”

Matt sat quietly for another second before speaking up. “Violet, I want you to know you don’t have to worry about me.”

“You’re my friend, of course I worry about you.”

“I mean, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings.” Matt continued. “You know I like you, obviously, but I don’t think you feel the same and I’m content to have you as my friend if that’s all you can give. Because you’ve really been my best friend, I mean it.”

“Matt, I-

“No really, I feel like I’m finally finding myself, and that’s thanks to you. I want you to go after whatever you truly want, can you promise me that?”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yes, now get out of the car, you big lug!” Violet wrapped the boy in a tight hug and let him go.

She drove home, but she had so much on her mind that the drive went by in a flash.

“Oh, hi….” Violet entered the apartment, head still spinning from the wonderful night she’d had. She was surprised to see Sharon and Alaska sitting on the couch in the living room. “I didn’t think you’d still be up.”

“Don’t worry, we weren’t just sitting here all night worried about you.” Sharon joked.

“Actually, we have something to give you. I know it’s late we were just really excited.” Alaska added.

“Ok…..” Violet didn’t know what could be so important, and good mind you, that it warranted them waiting into the late hours of the night for her. She looked at them both expectantly, and after a few long seconds of her two foster moms smiling at each other, Alaska burst out with:

“You’re ours! The paperwork went through.”

“Oh my god, I’m adopted?”

“Yes baby, you’re our daughter.”

Violet felt tears welling up in her eyes and she didn’t stop them from trailing down her cheeks. Maybe it was a combination of everything that had happened tonight along with the realization of how this was the happiest she’d ever been in her entire life, but she found herself sobbing before long.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized, trying to wipe her cheeks dry as more tears fell.

“It’s ok.” Alaska pulled her over the couch and gave her a tight hug.

“What are you feeling right now, Vi?” Sharon asked.

“I’m just so happy. I never thought I’d have friends and family who love me and that I love so equally in return.”

Sharon went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate as Violet calmed down, but it wasn’t the normal kind from a powder mix. No, she melted two bars of chocolate into some milk on the stove and stirred it until it was warm and smooth. Violet was surprised that she hadn’t burnt it, considering her past kitchen endeavours. However, it seemed that Sharon was a hot chocolate connoisseur; it was one of the best things Violet had ever tasted.

Violet sipped the rich liquid and let the warmth fill up her body.

Sharon fell asleep in Alaska’s lap not much later, and god they were such a cheesy cliche of a family but Violet had never been lucky enough to have cliches before. She indulged herself, in what she would later call a moment of weakness, turned the lights in the kitchen off and went back to the couch to join them.

#coming home #jem #alaska thunderfuck #sharon needles #violet chachki #shalaska #miss fame #pearl liaison #parent #child #lesbian au #rpdr fanfiction #submission

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todokori-kun · 7 years

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Yeah, I think I’m ok :D (I’m gonna reread the entire series now though because my parents decided to buy it for me. I might cry during the reread…)

Ah, well. Death does make the most sense for Hohenheim, and now that I think about it, he was probably tired of living (that’s depressing but hey)

I don’t really know how I feel about Ed’s alchemy but I was a tiny bit disappointed because it felt like it was a small-ish price to pay to get Alphonse’s body back? Maybe it’s just me?

I’m always happy to get recs :D

WAIT. I actually know that book!!! I saw it when I was searching for a new fantasy series to read…most of the reviews were really negative and now I see why XD

Hisoka’s trash, but so is his best (only) friend (who could totally cut off his head with little to no regrets), Illumi. Illumi is the oldest son of the Zoldyck family. Let me tell you about the Zoldycks:

-asassins

-terrifying assassins

-baby assassins

-did I mention that they’re assassins?

-birthdays in the Zoldyck family=cake, presents, hugs

-the cake is probably poisoned to build up tolerance

-the presents are bombs

-mom’s probably hiding a knife in her skirt to stab you as she hugs you

-now figure out how to get out of this party alive

-good job, if you’re still fine by the end of the day momma is proud of you

-now go out into the world and murder people like a good child

-(Apparently they sometimes don’t bother to teach kids about manners and basic human interaction though, because Illumi has all the charm and social skills of a wet rag)

-(a wet rag with dead fish eyes)

-(a wet rag with dead fish eyes who literally digs holes in the ground and sleeps in them)

-(he’s also so obsessed with his adorable little brother Killua that he basically shoves a magic needle into Killua’s head and uses mind-control on him in order to make sure he never does anything dangerous)

-(even if that means controlling Killua so he’ll abandon his best friend to save himself)

tysm ;-;

sometimes I hate TG so much

Kimblee x Explosions vs. Alex x Shot glasses: which one is the bigger OTP?

Kimblee’s idea of sweet: “I only blew up twelve people and two buildings today. Are you proud of me?”

(and imagine when this couple gets into fights

Kimblee: “Really, Evans, I don’t understand why you can’t appreciate my art. I always support yours.”

Evans: “MY art doesn’t involve explosions! This ISN’T FUNNY, ok?!”

Kimblee: “No need to shout. And of course it’s not funny, it’s beautiful.”

Evans: “You know what, couple therapy. That’s what we need. Along with a lot of relationship counseling.”)

omg we’d literally be team rocket thank you for that mental image

That’s SO CUTE <333 I’d probably call you queen on purpose sorry not sorry

Evans might actually join you at some point. Poor Moblit would be left all on his own with three maniacs XD (I know right)

Hopefully Armin will live ;-; cinnamon roll child

I’m actually considered really tall for my age and I was actually mistaken for a college student once XD but yeah, I’m smol compared to you…

(that’s cool ^^ and wow, Levi.)

Glad I could make you laugh :D (I laughed way too hard while writing it too). But Kimblee would probably just blow up the court tbh

TYSM I’M SO HAPPY IT DOESN’T COMPLETELY SUCK ;-; and yeah, when I saw that quote I immediately thought of Uta…

I totally need help so yes, please, if it’s ok? TYSM <3

(and you’ve probably seen by now but I sent in two other aesthetics :D)

I adore all of FMA’S OPs and EDs. I agree with you, though, ‘Again’ is beautiful- I love the singer’s voice :)

I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET BUT I’M TOTALLY GOING TO SEE IT NOW

Aww, it’s gonna be fine! You’ll get over it ^^ Eventually… And that’s so nice of your parents! I wonder if you’ll actually cry :))

Honestly, I can’t blame him… His life wasn’t all that nice, but he was at least reunited with his wife? So he’s probably happier this was ^^;;;

Well, considering how valuable alchemy is to Ed, and how much he actually relied on it, it might not be such a small price after all. But, then again, a whole body in exchange for a skill that could potentially be brought back, that might be a bit unfair, true… I’m just glad my cinnamon roll finally has his body back T^T

FATE/ZEROooooo. Zankyou no Terror. Re:Zero. All of these have plenty of suffering mixed in. Also, don’t let Re:Zero fool you with its light colors and character design. That is one of the most mentally draining anime I’ve watched recently, because it’s literally a never ending loop of suffering.

This is Re:Zero.

This is also Re:Zero. Pay attention to the head.

Oh god if I was a person who left reviews on books, I’d leave a whole wall of text for the review. There’s a difference between making a character seem perfect, but making that a facade and using it for character growth and actually making the chacter flawless. Wow, that book irritates me XD

I mean… we all have our own quirks? But wow that’s messed up, big time. Shoving a magical needle into your younger bro to ‘protect’ him? Boy, that’s like one of those ‘I’m pushing you away to protect you’ *proceeds to angst* plots. Is Killua by any chance one of the two kid main boys? Cause the name sounds familiar ^^

Tokyo Ghoul is the manga that you have the love-hate relationship with. It’s more hate, but whatever.

Well, Alex x shot glasses at least isn’t destructive? So I’ll pick that one over Kimblee x explosions any day XD

Right, so sweet. Instead of 40 buildings, he only blew up 12. You should buy him chocolate as a reward XD Hopefully he doesn’t blow that up as well...

If you ever get Kimblee into art, make sure to give a separate room for that, otherwise, it might become a hazard. I mean, I can imagine him filling up water balloons with paint, hanging them on a canvas and then blowing them up.

Who’d be the smol pokemon tho? ((I don’t know the names XD))

I’d probably become an actual tomato.

I feel sorry for Mobilt XD He wouldn’t have just Hanji to deal with anymore, he’d have to deal with us as well... Poor Moblit.

He will! The fandom would probably riot if anything happened to Armin, especially after we already had the scare.

Kimblee would blow up Shuu. No evidence left behind (other than the huge crater that was probably left after the explosions)

You’ll definitely grow some more soon ^^

Uta is the one who brings popcorn to the fights, because they entertain him.

I’ll be honest, when I saw Tatsuo’s aesthetic, my first thought was Jumin Han. Then I remembered you never played Mystic Messenger XD

Right, so the thing you have to watch the most when making aesthetics is color. Always have a color palette in mind, because it’ll make finding the right pictures easier. Pick a color and stick to it. That way, it’ll be a tiny bit better, since it’ll also please the eye more. Also dark/light shouldn’t mix too much. It’s better if you pick one of those and mix with another color. Heck, if you get stuck, you can at least search *(color) aesthetic* and find a pic that fits through that XD

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK?? I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME, I’M SO EXCITEEEED

I’m sorry I didn’t answer yesterday, we had guests over and were preparing more or less the whole day. Among those guests was my 9 year old cousin, otherwise known as the most annoying kid on the planet. I wanted to punch a wall... First of all, I had to entertain him the whole time, and that’s not an easy feat for someone like him. I swear, the boy has worms in his ass or something, cause he can’t sit still for more than 10 seconds. Then, at one point, I took the laptop and started writing something, because inspiration struck (and internet died again). It was in english and he can barely speak the language, yet he was still trying to read what I wrote out loud and always asked me to translate what I was writing. At one point, I wrote the word ‘Shit’ and he went to my parents and told them ‘Luna is writing bad stuff’. I had to explain that the character swears a lot and that I actually keep it very kid-friendly with how it should be. Then, I received a message from my friend, but the two of us talk in english, so he started reading my texts out loud (a huge no-no for me, because I want my privacy when talking to people) and was basically being a brat the whole evening. Also, he chews with his mouth open. I almost ripped out my hair... True, I also get childish when he’s over, because he brings out that part of me. I mean, he’s the kid who tells me to let him win if we’re playing a game, even if the game is based on pure luck and I couldn’t let him win even if I wanted to. I sincerely hope your little sis is nicer than him XD

#evans #submission

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noidsome · 7 years

Text

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation.

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it.

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress.

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL???

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved. then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens.

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck.

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL”

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point.

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

#digimon tri #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure tri loss #review

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watahbufala · 7 years

Text

these questions are from @classesandaspects and are from this post

Aspect questions:

Which aspect(s) are you drawn to?: well im drawn to a few and i thought i should actually explain them. first off im probably drawn twords void allot just cuz i really love the void aesthetic, like big dark rooms, or like dystopian future style dark almost unimaginably big buildings (theres also the fact ive loved all the void players and thought they were rad), im also drawn twords the space aspect of course. space is something i really like in general, like its this huge dark lonely vacuum thats both comforting and makes me not feel so great about life. im also a creative person who tends to have issues with dimensions, and i love to explore things (i do a bit of urban exploration stuff allot) also the colors would look great with most god tier outfits. im drawn to time as well for its connection to mechanical things and death. i mean i think everyones a bit connected to death but im pretty numb to the idea and such. i dont really get to depressed when people i love die cuz i know its their time and everyone has to pass at some point. i also tend to connect with the heart aspect allot cuz it has to do with self image and such (but i think self image has to do allot with space as well). im also kinda drawn twords breath and mind just because i get breath allot on tests and love the pyropes

What drives you? What motivates you?: this is a big question for me. i tend to think that the future and what it holds motivates me but i think its allot deeper than that. i guess i look at the future as what i can become in the future an how i can like...up my skill?? idk. but i tend to think people motivate me, and the thought of getting things done and not having to stress anymore motivates me. first of all i think everyone could use a friend saying "you can do it!" every now and then. i tend to put out my emotions just to get feedback from people telling me that it will all be alright and that they care about me i guess. theres also the whole getting things done thing, i tend to stress out and just avoid doing things allot. like i just tend to procrastinate. i love to just do talk to people on the internet, read a book or just enjoy a story, and just enjoy doing nothing all day. so i mean getting done with things sorta quick motivates me but i also tend to put stuff off ALLOT. another thing that motivates me is me is like, what i can become in the future. like once i get done with all this i can be the artist of my dreams and be good at art and writing all that. i practice to make myself better i guess. my biggest drive for the last year or so (ive kinda been having depressive episodes) is the fact that one day i could write something that will inspire people and i guess make me important? like maybe make the world better for me and other people. i could write something amazing one day and couple it with amazing art. so uh yea. (all these answers are too long jeez)

How do you view the world?: man. this is kinda a deep question for me, i kinda dont think life has much meaning. like i think the point of life has been cemented in reality as like, enjoying it? thats the main goal people have. i think that we were put on the earth to make a better life for the people coming next tho. like create the new generation of the world and such.

Which aspect matches your personality?: man thats a good question. i would say space but im not sure. i think either mind or space. my personality is kinda wierd imo. cuz on the internet i act allot more analytical and in real life i usually do stuff and act random just to make people laugh. id say im like allot different than almost everyone i know, i have different hobbies and interests, have different sense of fashion, have a different music taste, etc etc etc. like i tend to just be different in general. i tend to do weird things just to make people laugh. like ill scream just to have a reaction. i tend to attribute these qualities to mind sorta? i also act very uncaring and unemotional irl, when online i can easily come out with my emotions and tell people how i feel (this is probs cuz i have more confidence online and think my online friends would listen more). i also think i sorta act motherly? maybe not really. i tend to have like a thing where if someone says "hey im gonna do this stupid thing!" ill say "no stop thats stupid" an nag them about it until they wont do that stupid thing. im also sorta protective. like ive been with someone and i was walking across the street and i almost got hit by a car, but i pushed the other person out of the way so i could take the hit and theyd be ok. but i tend to say i act like a space or mind player. possibly a breath player cuz of my uncaring attitude

Class questions:

How do you relate to your aspect?: personally i think my aspect is space, but its kinda hard to answer this question without being sure. and well i sorta look at space as what i want to be and what i am. like im creative, i love to do art stuff, i tend to deal with allot of problems that have to do with distance that can destroy me emotionally and thinking about them can ruin my day at times, and i like science. but across the board i act differently with different types of space. like i think im better than most creatively and have allot of knowledge on the creative process, i think i deal with allot of shit dealing with distance, and i tend to think im not the best at science (not doing the best in school science but i love science as more of a hobby. like not something i have to be good at. just something i enjoy. like i love allot of science youtubers and thinking about what i know of science). so i think im a bit different all across the board. i think i sorta just do whatever i feel like with space, which is usually just using it or learning how to do it better. like i wanna be the guy that does the space and does all the cool shit, but im not sure if i fit that role perfectly. i think im more of an observer that does things when they feel like it. or just someone that really likes space if that makes sense. so i tend to think i sorta feel the good and bad of space, and use it.

What is your role / archetype / character arc?: uh ive been described as the main character but thats not much of an arch. i think i need to kinda improve in skill an knowledge mostly, maybe i need to learn to be myself a bit more and come out about who i am more and stop sorta following others? im not exactly sure what my character arc is. i probably need to learn to be content with who i am, or maybe grow in skill and knowledge like i said before, maybe i need to learn how to grow in skill and knowledge. i think those are the 2 main things that plague me.

What do you struggle with?: i think i mostly struggle with internal issues, and insecurities. i also worry about whats to come quite a bit. i struggle with putting things off to the last minute allot. but it mostly comes down to the fact that i think im not the best and need to be better. ive gone through a few aspects and i always think "wow im not really good enough at this to be this aspect" i do the same with space but people tell me i fit it super well. i also tend to be quite depressive and lonely at times. i dont leave my house to go see friends too often and i mostly just sit inside and talk to people on the internet (which i find fun) but it gets me down because i feel pretty lonely. ive also moved allot over the course of my life and left allot of people behind (some without even telling them im leaving) and that really gets me down. when i think about that it can sometimes ruin my days.

Which class matches your personality?: this is a bit tricky, i tend to say knight because of how insecure i am and how i tend to conceal my emotions irl. but i also think im not insecure enough to be a knight (like dave and karkat had DEEEEEEEEEEP issues). i think im more akin to a seer, rogue, or maybe mage. ive been told i act like a seer a few times by friends. i tend to act a bit like terezi, so possibly. i also tend to relate to the mage characters being stubborn when it comes to space, and sorta having a sollux kinda mood most of the time. i say rogue because i tend to act a bit like roxy but that one is more meh. any of these 4 i sorta act like but im not sure which

(also keep in mind i typed this out pretty quickly if theres any spelling mistakes)

this was a private post. but im making it public cuz someone was using it as an example

also i came out with mage of space by the end of this if your curious

#classpect #me #about me #dumb #was a private post

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empire-stories · 7 years

Text

The Rejects: by Draco

int.North Pine high school principle office-day

The principle sits across from Angela as she is greeted at the school.

Principle

Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you to our school Ms. Pier.

Angela

Thank you, sir. I just hope I fit in.

PRINCIPLE

Nonsense a pretty girl like you will fit in just fine.

Angela smiles.

ANGELA

Hehe, oh stop.

Cut to:

INT.NORTH PINE HIGH SCHOOL-classroom-day

Angela stands next to the Female Teacher. Matt sitting in his seat looks up and smiles a little at Angela.

teacher

Ok, class, we have a new student that's joining us today.

ANGELA

My name is Angela Pier.

TEACHER

Well, Ms. Pier why don't you have a seat next to Matt.

ANGELA

Yes, mam.

Angela takes a seat next to Matt who greets her.

Matt

Hey, I'm Matt.

ANGELA

Oh Hey, I'm Angela.

Angela sees a strange book under Matt's arm.

ANGELA

Oh, what's that?

Matt picks up and shows Angela the strange book with weird markings on it.

MATT

This here is a book I found in an old building. It's really cool filled with all type of strange stories.

Angela giggles a bit.

ANGELA

Sounds like you should be an archaeologist.

MATT

Yeah, that's what my mom always say.

Slide to:

ext. North Pine high school-courtyard-day

Matt and Angela walking together talking among themselves.

ANGELA

Thanks again for showing me around.

MATT

Well, what can't say no to a lady?

Jeff and his three friends walk up to Matt and Angela. Jeff pokes Matt on his forehead.

Jeff

Well if it isn't dirt head Matt, picking the fresh meat before anyone else. Smart move.

Matt blushes.

MATT

Ah What, no, it's nothing like that.

Jeff notices the Book in Matt's shoulder. Jeff takes the book from Matt.

JEFF

What kind of weird book you have this time?

Jeff flips through the book and comes to a strange page with the image of a crystal.

MATT

Hey, give that back.

Jeff's three friends hold Matt back.

JEFF

Geeze, man why don't you just read normal books. Freak.

Jeff tosses Matt's book on the ground and his three friends walk away. Angela walks towards the book and picks it up.

ANGELA

I'm guessing those aren't your friends?

MATT

Ah, that's just Jeff, thinks he owns the place since his parents donate a ton of money to the school.

Angela hands Matt his book.

ANGELA

Wow, so there are people like that in the world. You know it is a strange book but I might want to read it sometime.

MATT

R-really?! Well, I can show you where I found it after school, maybe we can find another one.

ANGELA

That sounds cool, but I should check with my brother, were suppose to walk home together.

MATT

You have a brother? now that you mention it Pier does sound filmier but I can't figure out who is it.

Angela looks around and spots her brother then points.

ANGELA

Oh, speaking of which there he is now.

Matt looks over and sees Marcus and Henry facing off against each other readying for a fight.

Marcus

(To Henry)

Ok, Henry this time we settle things here and now.

Henry gets into a Martial arts stance.

henry

((To Marcus))

Run home now unless you want me to embarrass you.

Matt takes a step back in shock.

MATT V.O.

(To himself)

Oh man her brother is Henry! If I play my cards wrong then he'll karate chop me into next week.

ANGELA

((To Matt))

Looks like he's gotten into another fight. Mother will be so mad if he gets in trouble.

Marcus and Henry charges at each other getting closer and closer; Xiao grabs Marcus and Henry by the back of their heads and slams them both into the ground. Xiao stands up commandingly.

xiao

((To Marcus and Henry))

What are you two doing?

Henry lifts his head.

HENRY

((To Xiao))

Sensei?!

Marcus rolls over and looks up at Xiao.

MARCUS

((To Xiao))

This doesn't concern you.

XIAO

Fighting someone who just wants to pick a fight is no reason for you to fight Henry. You must have more discipline.

Angela runs off towards her brother.

ANGELA

Brother!

Henry looks over to see who is yelling. Angela runs past Henry and hugs Marcus.

MARCUS

Ugh, Angela! What are you doing here I'm in the middle of something.

Matt looks shocked as Angela helps Marcus up.

MATT

((To himself))

Ah, man, that's worst than her being Henry's sister!

Henry gets up and bows to Xiao.

HENRY

I'm sorry sensei.

Marcus punches his palm.

MARCUS

Hey, this battle isn't over.

Xiao walking away with Henry, Xiao looks over at Marcus.

XIAO

Yes, it is.

Xiao and Henry walk away.

ANGELA

Who are they?

Matt walks up to Angela.

MATT

Xiao Ming, she's an 8th-degree black belt and is an acting instructor for the school's martial arts class. Behind her is her number one pupil Henry.

MARCUS

Tsk, more like the only pupil.

Marcus looks over at Matt; raising one eyebrow.

MARCUS

Say, Mattie, why are you hanging with my sis?

Matt backs up in fear.

MATT

Who me oh I'm not hanging out with her I'm just-

ANGELA

((Cuts him off))

He's showing me around. In fact, he wants to show me his secret spot.

Marcus looks at Matt with his arms folded.

MATT

Wait I never said Secret spot! Besides, I didn't know she was your sister. I I-

Marcus puts his hand on Matt's shoulder and snickers with a laugh.

MARCUS

I'm just messing with you. So where is this spot?

MATT

Oh well, it's where I found this book.

Matt hands Marcus the book.

MARCUS

What kind of freaking book is this?

MATT

That's what I'm finding out.

Marcus looks up at the sky.

MARCUS

Well, it is getting late and if I return home without her I'm the one who's getting yelled at.

ANGELA

So I can't go?

MARCUS

I didn't say that. I'll just tag along with you guys.

MATT

Really?

Marcus puts his arm around Matt.

MARCUS

Yeah, it's a brother's job to protect his sister, especially with a secret spot.

Marcus gives an evil glare at Matt.

MATT

Ugh, Sure.

Slides to:

int. abandon house-study-evening

Matt, Angela, and Marcus are in the study looking around. Marcus flips open a couple of books from the bookshelf.

MARCUS

Where did you find this place?

MATT

Two days ago when I picked a different route home.

Marcus notices a black crystal encased in a glass jar.

MARCUS

Really got to hand it to you, Mattie, you excel in the unique department.

MATT

Yeah well, try not to touch anything since I don't know what exactly is in here.

MARCUS

This coming from the guy who took a book.

Marcus takes the crystal out of the jar.

MARCUS

Hey, Mattie thinks fast.

Marcus tosses Matt the crystal; Matt catches it.

MATT

Hey, Watch it will ya! What if I didn't catch it? And by the way, it's Matt, Just Matt.

MARCUS

Geez, Matt, you got to learn how to lighten up. Your too uptight, I swear he could swallow a rock and spit up a Diamond.

Angela dusting off a nightstand to look at a locket and jewelry.

ANGELA

Marcus, this is why you don't make friends.

MARCUS

Tch, Just saying.

Matt looks at the crystal.

MATT

Hey, this crystal is in the book. I wonder if this book was what this book was written for?

ANGELA

Well, it's getting late.

MATT

Yeah, I guess we'll leave.

Matt puts the crystal in his bag. The crystal glows a light dark glow as everyone walks out the room.

Cut to:

ext. city-streets-night

Marcus and Angela see off Matt as they are about to part ways.

ANGELA

Thanks again for today.

MATT

Oh, it was no problem.

Matt walks off. Above everyone two shadowy creatures watch them.

((End of Act 1))

((Act 2))

Cut to:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-NIGHT

Matt walking his bike gazes up at the sky.

MATT

Aw, man, I think I blew it. I should have said something more interesting. Maybe I can come up with something tomorrow..Hm?

Matt turns around and sees the two shadowy creatures walking towards him.

Cut to:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-other side-NIGHT

Marcus and Angela both walking home talking about the day.

ANGELA

And then we meet Jeff who was a real jerk to Matt, then I spotted you.

MARCUS

So as "first days" go how was yours.

ANGELA

Mmm, Pretty good I guess; Matt was pretty nice.

MATT o.s.

Ahhhhh!

MARCUS

What was that?!

ANGELA

That sounds like Matt, you think he's hurt or something.

Marcus takes off towards the scream.

ANGELA

Marcus!

MARCUS

Stay putt! Better yet go home!

Cut to:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-NIGHT

Matt running with the two shadowy creatures chasing after him; sliding as shadows.

MATT

Ahh! What do you want?!

Matt trips over out of fear and tumbles to the ground. One of the shadow creatures makes its way closer towards Matt.

MATT

Oh man!

HENRY o.s.

Back off!

Henry hits one of the shadow creatures with a wooden kendo sword. Matt looks up and sees Henry.

MATT

Henry?

HENRY

I was on my way home from Kendo practice and heard you screaming. Can you stand?

Matt gets up.

MATT

Yeah, thanks.

HENRY

Don't thank me yet, I still don't know what these things are.

Matt stands behind Henry.

MATT

That makes the two of us.

The two creatures make their way closer to Henry and Matt, as they both back up. A rock is thrown at one of the shadow creatures; the shadow creature turns to the direction of the rock. The creature turns and sees Marcus standing in the street.

MARCUS

Hey, over here you...EH, whatever you are.

Angela catches up to Marcus.

ANGELA

Marcus..I ask you to slow down.

MARCUS

Angela, what are you doing I said go home!

Marcus notices Henry; the two stare tensely at each other.

MARCUS

Hmmm?

HENRY

Hmmm?

Matt waves at the both of them.

MATT

Ugh, Excuses me, can you two not fight when we're in a crisis!

MARCUS

Right, I'll settle things with you once I take these two out.

The two shadow creatures turn back to back. Henry holds up his wooden sword and Marcus puts up his fist.

Marcus and Henry both stare at the shadow creatures with a serious glare.

ANGELA

Marcus?

MATT

It's ok Angela, these are two of the strongest guys in North Pine high school.

Henry and Marcus and the two shadow creatures charges at each other. Marcus strikes the shadow in the face as Henry attacks the other one across the back of its neck.

Henry and Marcus get back to back as the two shadow creatures get back up.

MARCUS

These guys are tough.

HENRY

Agreed.

MARCUS

Hey, Henry do me a favor and don't agree with me.

HENRY

Do me a favor and go down with these creatures.

ANGELA

Marcus! Stop picking a fight.

MATT

Yeah, Lets get out of here before there recovered.

One of the shadow creatures leaps after Matt with its mouth open.

A wooden sword impales the creature to the fence.

XIAO o.s.

Don't lose your focus, just because the battle seems won.

Everyone looks over and see Xiao walking towards them.

MARCUS

Xiao?!

HENRY

Sensei?

XIAO

I saw Henry running in a hurry, what's going on?!

Matt runs past and grabs Xiao by her wrist and takes off.

MATT

Explain later let's get out of here.

Henry, Marcus, and Angela take off after Matt and Xiao. The two shadowy creatures take off after them.

cut to:

EXT. CITY-warehouse district-night

Matt and everyone running, towards the warehouses see one open.

MATT

Let's head in there!

Everyone heads inside.

Cut to:

int. city-warehouse-night

Everyone gets inside; Marcus and Henry close the door and blocking it with a chair.

MATT

Everyone here?

ANGELA

Yeah, I think so.

Marcus walks up to Matt.

MARCUS

Ok, what in the world were those things?

MATT

I..I don't know. They just pop out of nowhere.

HENRY

Well, whatever they are we need to devise a plan to get rid of them then notify the police.

MARCUS

Good luck genius, fat chance they make it out here in time.

Angela pulls out her cell phone.

ANGELA

Shoot I have no bars.

The shadowy creature's claws at the warehouse.

ANGELA

What do we do?!

Marcus looks over and sees a sledgehammer and picks it up.

MARCUS

We fight back!

XIAO

He's right. That seems to be our only choice at the moment.

Xiao and Henry get ready next to Marcus. Marcus with his sledgehammer in his hand raises it a bit and Henry holds up his wooden sword in a fighting stance and Xiao puts up her fist.

HENRY

What's the plan? We just strike when they come in?

XIAO

You two hide!

Matt and Angela run off; the two shadow creatures break in and chase after Matt, slipping past Marcus and the others.

MARCUS

Wha!

XIAO

They're after Matt!

Matt running looks back and sees the shadow creature chasing him.

MATT

Why are they after us?! Or me? But why?

Matt running stops and looks in his back; Matt takes out the crystal and sees it glowing.

MATT

The crystal?! Hey, Marcus think fast!

Matt tosses the crystal at Marcus. Marcus stumbles and catches it.

MARCUS

Hey, what if I dropped it!

The shadow creature stops in mid stride and heads towards Marcus.

MATT

It's the crystal! They're after it!

Marcus looks down at the crystal.

MARCUS

This thing?

XIAO

What do we do?

HENRY

We should give it to them, they're probably spirits disturbed from their resting ground.

MARCUS

Or!

Marcus drops the crystal and raises his sledgehammer.

MARCUS

As our mom would put it, since you both can't play nice then no one gets to have it!

Matt reaches his hand out towards Marcus.

MATT

Wait don't!

Marcus smashes the crystal on the ground. A large surge of light emerges from the crystal; dozens of shards of light shoots out of the warehouse as a light engulfs Marcus, Henry, and Xiao. The light fades away. The two shadow creatures look at each other and skeet away. Angela runs towards her brother.

ANGELA

Marcus!

Matt looks around to see the shadow creatures are gone.

MATT

They're gone.

XIAO

Your plan actually worked.

HENRY

I have to admit that was clever, but how did you know?

MARCUS

Eh, I just wanted to do the opposite of what you said.

Matt walks over and picks up a shard of the crystal left on the ground.

MATT

I wonder why they were after this?

Marcus raises his sledgehammer.

MARCUS

Don't know, need me to smash it again?

MATT

I think you did enough.

Matt pulls out his book.

MATT

I'm sure that this book has the answers.

HENRY

Maybe we should head home.

XIAO

Good idea, how bout we regroup here tomorrow after class.

Fade to:

INT.NORTH PINE HIGH SCHOOL-gym-DAY

Xiao is in the middle of a circle face with an opponent. The two bow to each other and then pace around each other. The background a crowd of people cheers.

XIAO

I won't go easy on you.

The referee blows his whistle and swings his hand down.

A blue spark emits off of Xiao. Xiao throws a punch at the student, the student back up at the last second; Xiao's fist grazes the student. The student is sent flying to the wall; making an indent.

XIAO

What I barely touched him!

The teachers and students go over to see if the boy is ok. The Teacher looks back and sees Xiao leaving the gym.

Cut to:

EXT. NORTH PINE HIGH SCHOOL-COURTYARD-DAY

Xiao running stops and takes a breath.

XIAO

What was that?!

MARCUS o.s.

Yo, Xiao or do you prefer Sensei?

Marcus walks up to Xiao with his hands in his pocket.

MARCUS

Where are you in a hurry go?

XIAO

Marcus, have you experience anything weird since yesterday?

MARCUS

Weird like what?

XIAO

Well, just a few moments ago I just launched a kid to the wall.

Marcus leans on the wall.

MARCUS

Maybe you were just facing someone out of your league.

XIAO

I'm serious Marcus. Something weird is going on.

MARCUS

Look we're all going back to the warehouse tonight and see what Matt uncovered. I'm sure this is all nothing to worry about.

Marcus puts his hand on Xiao's shoulder; Xiao looks up at Marcus.

MARCUS

Hey, it'll be alright.

Henry watches Marcus and Xiao from afar.

Cut to:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-day

A shard of the crystal lays on top of a light post; A crow flies by and picks it up. The crystal glows as it's in the crow's beak.

((End of Act 2))

((ACT 3))

Cut to:

INT.NORTH PINE HIGH SCHOOL-CLASSROOM-DAY

Matt and Angela sitting next to each other are talking about the events that have happened.

ANGELA

((Whisper))

So did you find anything with the book?

MATT

((Whisper))

Yeah but it's totally crazy I can't wait to tell you and the others about it.

student o.s.

Ahhh!

All of the students gets up and looks over at the window.

ANGELA

What's going on?!

A giant winged shadow flies past the window.

MATT

Oh no, I was afraid this would happen?!

Cut to:

EXT. NORTH PINE HIGH SCHOOL-COURTYARD-DAY

Marcus, Xiao, and Henry in the courtyard look up shock at what they're seeing. Matt and Angela run outside to meet up with them.

XIAO

Matt?! What is that thing?

MATT

I can't say right now but we have to get away from here.

Matt pulls out the shard of the crystal.

MATT

It's probably after the crystal!

MARCUS

You brought that with you to school?!

XIAO

No time we have to lure that thing away from the school.

Xiao and everyone run away from the school; the large winged shadow gives chase after them.

Cut to:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-DAY

Everyone making a run to the streets; Xiao stops and turns around. Matt and everyone stops.

HENRY

Sensei?!

MATT

What are you doing Xiao?

XIAO

I have to stop that thing, I feel only that I can.

Marcus picks up a pipe off the street and puts it over his shoulder. Marcus and Henry stand next to Xiao.

HENRY

I won't let you face this thing alone.

MARCUS

And I can't miss an opportunity of proving I'm the best.

A large fierce looking crow lands down and spreads its wings open.

ANGELA

They're going to fight that thing?!

Marcus looks back at Angela.

MARCUS

Hey, sis stay back.

ANGELA

But Brother-

MARCUS

((Cuts her off))

Trust me I've watched enough TV and comics to know that I have super powers.

Everyone looks at Marcus as if he lost it.

HENRY

You are very stupid.

MARCUS

Hey, you want to go around! Look pal I know I have power with the white light and all! Just you wait till I find a way to activate it!

Marcus's fist emits a blue spark of light. The Crow flies up into the air and circles around them.

XIAO

Do you know what your "Superpower" is to stop that thing?

MARCUS

Don't know, but I do plan on hitting it.

Xiao offers her hand to Marcus.

MARCUS

Huh?

XIAO

I'll help you. Now give me your hand.

Henry looks at Xiao surprised. Marcus smirks at Xiao.

HENRY

((To himself))

So that's why.

MARCUS

Right.

Xiao and Marcus cuff hands.

XIAO

Hope you know, what you're doing?

Xiao twirls around Marcus, over and over like a cyclone. Xiao throws Marcus at the Crow. Marcus with his fist out like Superman gets closer and closer towards the crow. Marcus transforms in a bright light with a long trench coat and gauntlets on and cocks his right fist back. Bandages and belts wrap around Marcus's face covering it.

MARCUS

Barbados!

Cut to:

INT. CITY-WAREHOUSE-NIGHT

Everyone sitting around the warehouse as Matt explains the content of the book. Marcus and Henry fighting among themselves.

MARCUS

You're just upset that I bested you.

HENRY

If it wasn't for Sensei you would have never been able to beat that thing. And what's was that junk yelling Barbados?!

MARCUS

I gotta rep my homeland, that's why your just mad because your homeland name sucks!

HENRY

Ireland is a good name!

MATT

Are you two done?

Marcus and Henry walk over towards everyone. Marcus leans on the desk and Henry sits beside Xiao.

MARCUS

Yeah yeah, Indianan Jones so what's with the crystal and what happened back there.

White flash:

EXT. CITY-STREETS-DAY-earlier

The crow falls to the ground and Marcus beside it.

MARCUS

Alright! Marcus 1, Evil Bird 0.

A shadow creature pops up out from a shadow and makes it's way to the crow. Matt notices the creature.

MATT

Marcus Look out!

Marcus turns around and sees the shadow creature taking the shard off the bird's head and dipping back into the shadows. The crow reverts to normal size.

ANGELA

What just happen?

XIAO

Whatever it is we step in it big.

MARCUS

Ugh, guys how do I turn back.

XIAO

Didn't your comics tell you?

Marcus waves his arms around.

MARCUS

Hey, I'm serious! H-How does I turn back?!! I can't go home like this, my mom's gonna kill me.

fade to black:

INT. CITY-WAREHOUSE-NIGHT

Matt opens the book.

MATT

We should have taken that shard when we had the chance.

ANGELA

Why's that?

MATT

According to the book, that crystal is a key.

HENRY

A key, to what?

MATT

Something bad. I'm still figuring out the text but so far I understand that the crystal is a Key to open a door to something evil.

Fade off:

unknown

The shadow creature slides out of a shadow and with the shard in its hand walks closer to a Door with a red orb in its center.

MATT V.O.

I did find a name, however. Something called Ra's Al.

The orb glows red.

Blackout:

(End of act 3)

(Credits)

#scriptwriting #story #storytelling #top stories #anime

0 notes

accessthearts · 5 years

Audio

Ari Wil 0:01 So today is October 16, Wednesday and I'm sitting in Dunkin Donuts with Taja Cheek. Yeah, Did I pronounce that right?

Taja Cheek 0:10 Okay. Yeah.

Ari Wil 0:15 If you just want to state your name and your occupation. Okay?

Taja Cheek 0:21 I'm Taja Cheek. I'm an assistant curator at MOMA PS 1.

Ari Wil 0:25 Ok, so I'm just gonna go into it. I saw.. I read an interview with Interview magazine. Graduations on literally killing every thing.

Taja Cheek 0:36 Wow, I forgot that that existed

Ari Wil 0:39 You so much stuff online actually, I think in your name was exhausted. Congratulations.

Taja Cheek 0:47 I thanks, I forgot. I have a very distinctive name so it's hard to hide. Yeah.

Ari Wil 0:53 Yeah, no, I thought it would be but I just typed in Tada. Immediately.

Taja Cheek 0:58 Crazy. Yes, really.

Ari Wil 1:00 But yeah, in the interview magazine, they're just there's the description of your work that said something along the lines of dedicated to call fitting spaces for queer musicians of color. And experimental creators who are too often cast to the periphery. So I was wondering how does your institution enable or inhibit, like this process?

Taja Cheek 1:26 That's a bigggg question. You know, I can only speak for myself and what I do you really ultimately, you know, I think it starts with intentionality, of kind of dating that as my interest in my purpose. That's what makes it easier to figure out how to make choices about who to include there are millions of artists and I think, You know, knowing that that's kind of my own personal interest for many reasons, particularly black artists. Just like stating that intentionality, I think, is important for me. And so, you know, it's not a part of like the institution's mission or anything like that, per se. But there are other things that are stated in, you know, how we think through each season and how we think through the program as a whole. So we think a lot about place, and how that plays into how artists make work. And so for me, that makes me think about black artists in particular, and how they are placed and rooted here and displayed, and that's sort of like the most urgent thing for me and we also talks a lot about artist making work in other media, about, you know, the specificity of New York City. It's all about kind of like circles around black and brown artists for me, especially black artists, especially as one. I don't know if that answers the question.

Ari Wil 3:17 No, no. It actually does. But can I?

Taja Cheek 3:23 Yeah.

Ari Wil 3:25 So, are you saying that MOMA kind of gives you the opportunity to pick? You know, like to make your own decisions as to how you're going to be inclusive or which ways?

Taja Cheek 3:39 You know, curator is also a creative practice. Museums can often knowingly and unknowingly position themselves as usual bodies, but they're made up of people and people have interests and perspectives. And that's what I have so, you know, ultimately, it's, you know, there's a small group of us that are making decisions about shown when and, and try to make arguments for why we think it's important. And so, yeah, that's my own personality. Okay, discuss it as a group and it's not like a solo decision by any team, but I have a co worker that I working together, we think through the program as a whole. And she's going to be here at the PS1 way longer than I have seen beginning of Sunday session. And of course, it goes through like the territorials we met this one too. So in terms of things that have sparked my interest. I feel like you know, the most urgent issues of our time are kind of circling around black and brown bodies, makers. That kind of where my interest lies.

Ari Wil 5:00 Have you felt like the community has been receptive to that and like your internal community and the external community?

Taja Cheek 5:09 I think in hope so, I think, you know, there's a difference between, you know, performance inherently deals with bodies and people in the space. And so that tends to have a lot of baggage that comes along with that. And I think, because it is dealing with bodies that a lot of times, especially in institutional settings, those bodies end up being blacker or browner or queereer than they are in other galleries spaces. Because they are like, it is, you know, and in permanent art. And so, you know, it can be seen as, you know, they're being left over risk, or it's more fleeting So it's easier to position artists that are working with your performance in that kind of setting. And that's kind of like an age old trope that I want people deal with and think about. But yeah I all that to say I feel like especially in New York that is kind of like - not an expectation but it's like more accepted I think than other art forms like it is more even seen historically about certain types of like, black and brown bodies and what it means to like shuck and jive and all those things, youre expected to be a preformer and preform in a specific way.Whereas other sort of settings its more difficult. We think about you know, when we're not expecting institution, but so it's also different but if you look at like museums, collections and how black and brown people are representatived in that that might that might be different than, you know, the artists that have performed their maybe.

Ari Wil 7:08 Um, so, as a black and brown person, I just know that when I go into a space that's led by black and brown people, right, we are just more comfortable. We're able then to like, break down some of those barriers. Yeah, like where you don't have to shuck and jive or whatever. Have you ever noticed though, like where in those spaces, someone might still be excluded? Yeah, like Do you ever see that like that was maybe removed one thing but then something else will come out? I'm kind of talking about like intersectionality here.

Taja Cheek 7:45 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a way I mean, there's so many layers of it, right. It's like can be dealing with another black person. Another brown person or another queer person, but there's so many other layers of interacting with an institution. And so many other people that you interact with, you have different ways of expressing themselves of communicating. And, yeah, that can sometimes be a barrier to entry, or there's an inherent skepticism of the institution as a whole. which is understandable. Yeah, but sometimes people come with that then, you know, you have to accept it for what it is because you understand on one hand and another, you're also like trying to work with them and trying to make them feel at home. And other way there's always like an extra layer of work that kind of comes with working with

Ari Wil 9:00 So how do you for yourself to find access and inclusion?

Taja Cheek 9:05 I'm still trying to figure that out. There's a lot that I don't know, a lot that I do know, inherently that I haven't necessarily unpacked in like an official way and a lot that I don't know. So, you know, I don't know if you read about the sort of like the AI plan that all the students in New York are going through now. But basically, there was a long period of research that the city is undergoing, just to kind of take stock of who makes up the institution, the art institutions in the city is going to them and like in a lot of detail. And so after that, after a lot of meetings, and sort of going through the primaries in the data, now there's kind of like an imparitive for all those institutions to create their own plans. And it's kind of being left to the institutions to figure out what that looks like to a certain extent. Just because, you know, some people have more money, some people are, like, have very like, you know, neighborhood specific or like cultural, cultural, cultural specificity, that's like tied into their mission or whatever it may be. every issue is different, essentially. But it's being linked to funding a lot of places. Institutions can't get certain kinds of funding if they don't adhere to this imparitvive and try to change the makeup of their institution.

Ari Wil 10:42 Wow.

Taja Cheek 10:44 So a lot of people are thinking about that in the city right now. Especially in New York City.

Ari Wil 10:49 So is this a conversations you're having inside of MOMA?

Taja Cheek 10:52 Yeah, there is a DEI commity. I'm not really on it. Right now. for a lot of reasons, but there are a lot of people that are not, you know, thinking about it in a very broad level, like, accessibility in terms of like price points.

Ari Wil 11:11 Yeah.

Taja Cheek 11:12 I mean museum is free for New Yorkers. So there's, there's that, but we do charge for performance programs. What does that look like? That's something that we think about a lot or warm up or whatever. And, like, world specificity, like who like Who's coming? What is their experience, like when they're here? So, you know, a lot of like, ADA complaincy stuff we're thinking about. MOMA has a really robust access department.

Ari Wil 11:41 Yeah.

Taja Cheek 11:42 And they have touched tours and all these things. And we don't really have that, really, we don't have an education program. We don't have public programming really, that gets kind of folded into what we do. But we're we're really focusing on performance. So idle conversations are happening now. They've been happening, but now that we have a new director, I imagine that those coversations will happen even more. So yeah, I mean, not a lot of layers to pursue in your public institutions.

Ari Wil 12:16 I've always gotten the sense that ps1 was kind of meant for the fringe almost like it's, it's like for the for the marginalized. So I'm just kind of finding it pretty ironic that PS 1 is also the one that has no like education programming or is lacking in resources. So is that a conversation that's had it ps1, like, what's going on with MoMA? they're playing out?

Taja Cheek 12:44 Yeah, totally. I mean, you know, we're trying to figure out our relationship. It's always evolving and changing. You know what resources we take from MOMA is a slow process and figuring out how that works. So we often work with loans education department, and we're trying to figure out they just did a presentation months ago about a lot of their, like accessibility initiatives. So a lot of us, myself included, didn't even know what was happening and click right there. Yeah. So now we know and now we know who to contact, all those things. So it's a really slow process. But something that's happening. And there's a lot that will make and probably learned from us in terms of like, how we program things and our timelines, and like, you know, the diversity of our performance program, especially Sunday sessions. But, you know, we pretty much exclusively work with women and gender non conforming artists, not because it's like a token thing and the thats not even some thing that we just barely call out. But it's just who were interested in and who are prioritizing. Yeah. So anyway, all those things are things that most probably go back and forth.

Ari Wil 14:03 So, um, what practices of accessibility inclusion can or do you incorporate into your design into your curation? Like what you're thinking when you enter into a project.

Taja Cheek 14:17 To be honest, the building isn't super accessible as it is now. I mean, we have ramps to get into the, into the dome. That's one thing we need to do and that is important to us that people can get into the physical building in terms of equity. We try to keep our price points successful. And we also embrace was it was artists about, you know, guest lists. Oftentimes, artists will have their own sort of like personal calls in their publicising the event like if you need, you know, if you're unable to pay, like, let me know and our guest list are humongous, as a way of like circumventing certain impartives that we have as a institution just like you have to charge, right? and we obviously want to meet our revenue goals, but we also don't want to be inaccessible to the communities that we're inviting in to preform work. Again, just sort of like, just in terms of our priorities, we're kind of looking to bring in not only artists, but their entire community. And the communities that we're usually most interested in are women of color, and queer communities. We prioritize those. Those are the main things. I mean, I think we want to be more accessible and more trying to learn how to do that trying to figure out what it cost and the experts are and how to do that takes time. I just had a conversation today about like, how do we get information on our website more easy to access for people who do have specific needs as they need interpreters and stuff like that. And that's something that's on you know, our shared website. We have a we share our website it's more like where to find information where its placed how that happens. But that's a lot of conversations that have to happen just to change something on the website. So to get to the point where there's like a budget for other things, other thing we're working towards but yeah we're not totally there yet.

Ari Wil 16:31 You just mentioned something I hadn't thought of before which is guest list.

Taja Cheek 16:34 Yeah.

Ari Wil 16:36 When I usually think about guest list. I think they're an exclusive thing. Like, you know, you have your special friends on the guests like that. I felt like finding that kind of has perpetuated for me the idea of exclusivity and like, I'm sure the bros on the guest list could probably pay but like, other people aren't. Yeah, how do you guys like mitigate that weirdness with guest list?Because it seems like you're doing like a proactive thing. But yeah, that's it. Still got weird, you know, like for an entourage pulled up?

Taja Cheek 17:03 It can. I mean, I feel like for the most part people are mastering that are artists. So they're really kind of like prioritizing people in their community who they want to come.

Ari Wil 17:13 Okay.

Taja Cheek 17:13 Or, you know, we had a sex workers festival resistance a couple of seasons ago. And we're working with a partner in Scotland called Erica, you know, you were kind of working with them to figure out how to message sex workers that aren't able to pay but want to come like, how can come to the door. And, you know, basically, we just had language that was like, you identify the sex worker then you can come free.

Ari Wil 17:39 Very cool.

Taja Cheek 17:40 So things like that. I think we're very conscious of like, who we're inviting in and trying to make sure the jars do very centrally as possible. But like, we have to charge just as an institution non profit. Yeah, also. Yeah. So but we're also like, you know, we're creating New Yorkers, even if were doing something in the domes we also will often happenings in the building that are free with museum admissions. So, we try to work around it.

Ari Wil 18:12 Okay. And then what are the incentives to being accessible?

Taja Cheek 18:19 I mean, I, I feel like it just supports our whole mission. Really my whole mission. Like I feel like I'm sure my co workers felt like I feel like that's the whole point of being a public institution. Like, there is no point anything I'm doing. If its not inclusive but more so than diverse, which, you know, our programming. I hadn't actually thought about it this way, but it might not be like diverse. Diversity is often a code word for like black. And it may not be diverse. It's mostly women and queer people so in that way, it's not necessarily diverse its just like critical and intentional. Yeah I dont know.

Ari Wil 19:11 I was gonna ask this later, but maybe. Okay, um, yeah, so you just said that your spaces are primarily like, women queer.

Taja Cheek 19:29 Or we try to at least like I'm not gonna, like, make myself seem like we're doing more work than we are. We're trying Yeah, yeah.

Ari Wil 19:37 But also another thing that's been kind of coming up in my research is this idea of implicit bias. So we just tend to hire the people that look like us. Yeah, um. Do you feel like maybe that's a part of what's having the space become like kind of intentionally more woman? Ideas surounding implicit bias is basically the question. Go.

Taja Cheek 20:01 Yeah, totally. Um, I, I, in my mind, I'm like trying to work against like, the bias of working in a predomientaly white institution, like, people always think of culturally specific institutions as being like, the like, the Studio Museum or like el Barrio. But like, you know, MoMA is a culturally specific institution its a white institution. And so it's like mostly working agianst THAT I feel like is what im trying to do. is what I'm trying to do and I feel like the experiences of black Americans, slave descendants is something that is the most directed. And so, that also happens to be who I am. Yeah, but I also think there's an urgancey there. Mostly like trying to fight against like the implicit bias of the institution, more so than it is me, at least in my imagining, I mean, maybe there's something to me being like, Oh, you look like, but you know, it's more, it's more about that like fighting against the with the bias of the institution and less like you look like me heres the job.

Ari Wil 21:21 Um, I do have to say, I'm really glad that you simply just called out the Studio Museum and El Barrio, even though it's gonna be on the recording, my professor keeps forcing, like trying to push me to go to like, those two specific institutions and like, El Taller, yeah, and another one, which is cool, great. I really do want to go study them. She was almost telling me like not to come and do this interview, because I had these resources. But I'm just like, I go to the MOMA. You more than I've ever been to the student museum. Yeah. So I'm curious about how this works. I'm just really glad that you said that

Taja Cheek 21:53 It just like operates very differently in those institutions, like there's a lot like I've never worked there but like I feel like most people I've encountered in the art world have gone through one of those. And if there are, you know, black or brown or Latnix. And yeah, there are certain assumptions that don't have to be made. Right. So like you think about diversity very differently. You know?

Ari Wil 22:19 Yeah.

Taja Cheek 22:19 Like it's maybe scrutinized more when studio has a white curator. You know, it doesn't really happen here.

Ari Wil 22:30 Do you see that it's like a, an advantage or disadvantage.

Taja Cheek 22:38 Advantage in what sense? I guess like there is.. there's, you know, it's just a very different experience than working around other black people in the world which is not an experience that very often. Probably count on one hand how many times thats happened. It does different things to the stuff you're making. I'll say like, you know? When white institutions exclusion, it try to cover topics that are sort of outside of their, like cultural specificity, let's say, like there's just like certain things that happens to those projects where they're always looked at differently. It would be interesting to see like, how they're funded, like, when they're funded like,how their talks about like, what sort of context that looks like and ends up being like what that container is. And story Yeah, so it's sometimes it can be difficult even when you're just working with black people but it's still within a White institution.

Ari Wil 23:49 Yeah. That makes sense.

This one is going to be a little different but are there any specific tools you use to gauge audience needs?

Taja Cheek 24:05 Thats a great question. I think a lot of things happen at PS 1 pretty organically. It's like a weird institution because it's attached to this huge thing, MoMA and but it's also definitely still has to spirit of being this scrappy artist space from the 70s it's constantly kind of like yo yoing between those two. Wait I just totally forgot the question.

Ari Wil 24:40 Well, how do you gauge audience?

Taja Cheek 24:41 Oh, yeah. So I think you know, Sunday sessions when I know of it's usually in a very humble in the beginning and it kept growing and growing and production value has increasingly become more intentional on a lot of things happen though we haven't been able to engage that very much. I think we barely kind of know where audiences we know that they are artists and New York centric, like mostly fairly educated, like we know some small things about that audience but we're for the first time doing a email survey which we've never done before it was really really important for us to figure out like who we're serving and who where it was like it was coming because we don't actually really know like we have some guesses.

Ari Wil 25:27 Yeah, yeah. And so no your gusses just from like, being there and experiencing kind of

Taja Cheek 25:33 Being there and experiencing. You know, there have been some PS1 surveys I believe. So we kind of know about our audience versus MOMA audience but we don't know specifically about Sunday Sessions.

Ari Wil 25:47 Okay, (inaudible.) I think it might have been in the same Interview magazine interview, I'm not sure. But there's a quote where it says you are a "self described curious, outsider ally, facilitators practitioner." Is there anything else you would add to that resume identities thing?

Taja Cheek 26:27 Oh, man. I don't know. I feel like ultimately I feel like I'm sort of in the process of trying to take things away.

Ari Wil 26:37 Oh!

Taja Cheek 26:38 Rather than adding. I feel like a lot of times -

Ari Wil 26:41 Why take away?

Taja Cheek 26:42 Well, I feel like artists especially are like I can only say this because I also like to work but I feel like a lot of arts administrators probably feel this way but artists are often looked at like a separate class of humans. and like they have special needs and special things and totally they interact with the World in this way. And I think it's true if I didn't believe in an artist, I wouldn't be doing what I do ultimatley. But I also think that artists are just people. And that we should really be thinking about them as people and that like everybody has like a creative side to the work that they do. And like, I just saw Martha Wilson talk yesterday, who co founded like, who founded Franklin Furnace, and she was talking about being an artist and a curator. And she was thinking through that, and just kind of saying that at some point, you figured out that being an Art Administrator is a form of creative practice. And yeah, I feel like a burden and ultimately unhelpful sometimes to think of artist as being i separate process only a few people that are like good enough to do a certain thing like ultimately, like we all are just attracted to certain things and there are certain people that we That are given opportunities to perform in certain places or exhibit places but that doesn't mean that like the person who's making music on the street corner as like any less of an artist, I think the more that we can just like making these designations and people being artists or tutor this or that it's like, makes it it just makes it more Heirarchal.

Ari Wil 28:25 Do you identify as an artists though?

Taja Cheek 28:28 I guess so. Yeah.

Ari Wil 28:29 Ok, cool. Yeah. Um, you also one time said that it's becoming increasingly more difficult for artists to sustain themselves, spiritually and financially. What do you mean by spiritually? What would you think?

Taja Cheek 28:50 I guess now, I don't exactly know what I was thinking about then. I guess now I would think about time, like time is a resource and leisure is a privilege. And that if you are constantly working and thinking about how you're going to make ends meet, or like having meetings for your work for artists in general, like you don't have a lot of time to just like do nothing. I mean, talking to a lot of other working artists, I kind of sympathize with that. Just like time is a limited resource.

Ari Wil 29:28 And I want to look at how we can be accessible to artists, you know, and inclusive to artists. How can curators or just like, yeah, the arts institutions help out these artists that are, are separating these ways and like don't have the time or what support do you need?

Taja Cheek 29:52 Yeah, that's a good question. I think we're all kind of thinking about that. I'm thinking about that. A lot. It would be with the musicians because they into like an art spaces. Music kind of occupies this really weird space where it's kind of foreign to the art world, but also like really connected to in a lot of ways. And it's like hard to tell how, you know, and I'm sort of in this position where I'm thinking a lot about music specifically, and I'm trying to think through what musicians need. It's sort of unclear how we can support. Yeah, it really depends. I think we have to figure out who our community of artists is first. Right. I think that's sort of where I am. At least I can't speak for institution, obviously, but like, you know, Long Island City is changing a lot. And it's pretty much the biggest, fastest growing residential market I think maybe in the country. It's a very part of the reason why Amazon has been moving here, like all these things are happening here. And so our you know, Our general community is changing. And so it's like what does that mean for artists? Where are we serving? Is it mostly artists in New York? Is it young artists, older artists, is it everyone? Is it like, what are our priorities? What are we interested in? Kind of working interested in? And so I think I'm at least in the point where I'm still interrogating that and trying to figure out, like, what we're doing and who we are on that level, which is constantly evolving. And so I can't really answer that question. So I figured that out. But like, space and time, I feel like are mostly the things like you have a residency program that my coworker has really been spearheading, where, you know, we have this giant dome, and it's just sitting around all the time. We can give that to people as resources use, yeah, and work on things that they're preparing for, even if they are presenting work at the PS1 they can use it as a place to work on other things.

When you think about that idea, though, Does that seem achievable? Thank you feel like you can approach your institution as often about using the dome in other ways.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's it's happening. It seems like something that they want to do more. Yeah, it's funny for music. I feel like we were thinking about I was just talking today during a meeting about rubber tracks.

Ari Wil 32:13 Rubber track?

Taja Cheek 32:14 Yeah, it was like this is this converse initiative. It sounds really silly because it's like a corporate entity. But they provided such a crazy, immense resource to musicians when they had a physical building with, I think one or two recording studios, rehersal space. And it was an application based process so you could apply and they're like, they asked you if you want to work on one song or a part of a song or an album, and you send some samples of your work and like when you're available and they happened on like, some sort of cycle. They would select people and they'd match you up with engineers, and incredible equipment, the files, no strings attached and you get to shoes I think.

Ari Wil 33:02 Wow.

Taja Cheek 33:04 I think, you know, thinking about things like that, like, how do you like literally how do you like facilitate the process of making or making, or giving people like at a space level, I hope that our program gives people, the artists that we invite to make work, an opportunity to make new work, and to either like, try a part of their practice try to expand a part of their practice that they don't usually have a chance to think about or exhibit and or to like go deeper into something that they're already interested in. But always making new work.

Ari Wil 33:37 Yeah, but might you say that's part of like the spiritual like work that needs to be upheld for artists of having that space?

Taja Cheek 33:43 I think I have space and I'm lucky to have and so I think I felt a little bit of an obligation to share it. Its kinds of really where that came from. I, that happens less now. And I'm trying to figure out like, what my relationship to that is because I also felt very draining me and a lot of ways personally. But yeah, I think I just came out of that. And I just knew a lot of people that were like the guitarist, and they need a place for her during the day to be loud in their apartments, like I live between three or four churches. So I don't really have to worry about noise because there's no one really there and I have stone walls, like no one really cares what's happening. Yeah, I'm very lucky in that sense.

Ari Wil 33:43 Yeah, speaking of space I do remember and a lot of your interviews the mention of your basemnet that you use. Can I ask you to talk a little bit about that? Like, what promted you to do that?

Taja Cheek 33:43 Yeah.

Ari Wil 34:33 So, like, what have you seen, like immediate benefits to like providing that space to people are like, Yeah, what kind of rewards came from that?

Taja Cheek 34:44 I don't know, a sense of community. I think more than anything, especially with extreme improvisers, and sort of like people making more experimental music. It really became an important part. Though, I think the landscape in New York for like really niche kinds of music. That's a double edged sword too, because I sort of realized, like, as I was opening my home to other people that, you know, MY sense of like, who I wanted to use the space was necessarily open to this coming necessarily. Like the sort of like build it and they will come mentality is like, not a thing. Like, you have to really be intentional about that. And so I was like, oh, there are a lot of like, white guys using the basement Like, what does that mean? Like, how does that work? You know, so that kind of way slow down too. That was another part of it too. It's also because of like that particular scene, there are not tons of black and brown people but there were times when like, I don't know sometimes we would list things on the internet, which is kind of crazy that we did that. That was kind of like before a lot of, you know, the sort of like the DIY warehouse tragedies happened .. so once that happened, we started like cracking down on how we were publicized. So before that we're kind of just like Loosey Goosey about everything. And so I remember once we have this show, and I met this like, black woman, and they were kind of like, sitting in the basement and I was like "whhhhat are you doing here, like you're here!" and I went to talk to them. They're like, "Oh, yeah, I just saw it on the websites. I just came in. Like, I didn't know that there are like other black people doing things like this". It's like moments like that would happen. And that would make it really worth it to me. I'm not I'm under no illusion that it was like the most diverse space. And that's why the reason why it kind of slowed down

Ari Wil 36:40 Thats a part of creating accessible spaces anyone's gonna come in. Yeah. That's accessible and inclusive. Yes, that is right. Right. Okay. Sick. Thank you so much. Yeah, yes. Okay.

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Zoe Interview Transcript

F: First can you just introduce yourself, like where are you from how old are you

Z: so um my name is zoe its always a weird question when someone asks me where im from because most of the time its like “what are you?” instead of where are you from

N: yeah i get that

Z: so um I’m half british and half ugandan and um i was actually born in botswana where my dad was teaching at a university there and then we moved to england when i was 4 and i lived in cambridge for like 8 months and then my parents were like this is way too expensive and the moved to a little place called huntingdon which is 20 minutes outside of cambridge and half an hour from peterborough so thats where im from and now im in london after studying a fashion and textiles degree at LCF

N: how old were you when you moved to here?

Z: I’d just turned 20 cos i did an art foundation course which w- and now that i think about it im so happy i came at that age because i had friends that came when they were 18 straight away to uni to london to a new city and i couldn’t have done it

N: really?? Z: I felt like i was too young at 20 to be in london N: Why??

Z: Just I dont know cos like suddenly when your with you parents and everything’s safe and you’re in this small town and blah blah blah and then being.. you’re thrown into this city also i didnt really like like the first two years of my course so it was a bit of an overwhelming experience and then yeah

N: oh god i feel that Z: but yeah im happy its over now F: How do you feel about living in this society Z: In...? F: in london

Z: in london um when i first moved here i was super excited like for me i always knew that i wanted something more than Huntingdon where i was cos its quite- i love my friends there and everything but its very stand still, nothings really happening nothings really going anywhere and i always knew i wanted something more i knew i wanted- i wanted to keep exploring and travelling so when i came to london i was so excited that theres stuffhappening all the time i can literally go to galleries blah blah blah meet new and interesting people um yeah i loved it and.. i .. it was also really good in the sense that back home i didn’t really feel like i fit in um there wasn’t really that many people into art

um... i looked very different from everybody else and all the things i hated when i was in huntingdon suddenly when i was in london everyone was like omg this is amazing can i shoot you? and can i do this and i was like ok? like this is cool like this is nice that all of the things that over the years I’ve started to hate about myself... i needed it then cos it helped me to just be like.. live your life you know and just be like just chill out you know like things are ok you dont need to be blahblah.. sorry i lost my train of thought now

N: thats cool, but like... has that stayed with you during your time in london like are you still, do you still feel like that or,

Z: still feel like?

N: do you still feel like you need to be part of this like everything constantly moving everything happening or

Z: oh yeah i do definitely when i slow down its like oh god whats going on, even though i complain all the time about commuting and stuff like that i wouldn’t pick anywhere else cos im so inspired every day when i walk around like people here are like everyones here trying to hustle and like do their thing get their work done and that drives me cos back home everyones in a different mindset they’re just living for the next day really

N: content with a 9-5 Z: yeah! N: yeah i get it

Z: content with a 9-5 but then spending all their weekend like spending all their money just getting... messed up... for no reason! like i look at them and im like it must be such a depressing..

N: yeah... yeah i totally get it like im from birmingham so like exactly the same mentality like no-one like everyones like happy being within this /thing/ like everyones locked in doing the same thing every day getting fucked on the weekend and then like going back again and yeah like here everyones kind of like here trying to do something BIG

Z: yeah yep

N: I feel like its cos London... like all the major cities in the world are like not really part of that country they are but theyre sort of.. theyre more part of their own country so theyre all connected theyre all more international thinking

Z: literally! N: Its so much better

Z: its so true like you know when brexit was happening like they were like cant we just make london separate because theres so many people from so many different places and thats what i love like yeah my hometown.. it was more diverse than a lot of places a lot of towns in the UK so i was around lots of-i was around people of colour- i think that would have messed me up even more if there was nobody of colour and it would have been just white.. but i think it was just more boys so obviously i wasn’t going to hang out with them

so for me a lot of my time was spent with one type of girl and thats what i then internalised as “oh i need to be like this and i need to look like that and anyway its just stupidness like when you were younger are youre like “oh boys aren’t going to blah blah blah and you’d be like well if i look like this and i talk like this and i act like this then ill be fine” so i feel like it was a very good move of me moving to london it made me realise... like why are you why are you thinking you need to be like that when you’re absolutely fine likeee just get on with it!

N: yeah its true! I feel like just moving in general like even if you dont move to london like you just have to move somewhere else like you lose all of that perspective of like what everyone else has been telling you and you get another group of people... and i think when you’re young as well youre just so soft-even if you’re like strong as yourself- like im very stubborn and like quite but like it affects you! you get moulded

Z: it really does! N: it breaks you down

Z: and you dont realise how much it does until you suddenly have this breakdown and you’re thinking about it and all these things and you’re like oh god ok that really explains that and like

N: sometimes it takes a while for your train of thought to like Z: kick in yeah N: and like be aware of it! Z: to catch up with you yeah

F: What do you love about yourself right now, how you feel you're the same or different as a woman?

Z: So uhh i im more comfortable in myself yes 100% yeah but during uni i- like i said before i’d been struggling my whole life like i had a bit of a breakdown in second year where i was just like i cant keep up with this work or the work that im producing just doesn’t seem to be what theyre wanting and im not very good at talking to people so i just kept it all inside and then i ended up just yeah... i had to go home for a bit i had to blahblahblah and throughout that period i realised i had a really bad problem with anxiety... just communicating with people like sometimes i come across as a really confident person and i can talk to anyone then theres other times where im just like i dont know how to have a normal conversation with you like im trying to and then i realise im starting to not make sense and that can so um yeah i am better but especially after uni im like im having a bit of like identity problems and stuff like that

N: placeless-ness Z: yes placeless-ness, definitely N: yea i totally get you, everything you just said i’m like YEP

Z: yeah i think the worst thing is when i find myself talking to someone and im like wow i cant even hold a conversation what is going on with me like- and then you can see other people are just like ok... maybe thats just me though maybe im being silly but yeah thats one of the problems with myself now that im trying to work on its my anxiety just being like hey zoe like why are you stressin like theres no point stressing like there literally no. point. at all. i say this to myself a hundred times a day but yet here i am like

N: stressin out!

Z: yeah, so yeah thats i feel like once i get grounded in what i wanna do thats gonna help out a lot when im like this is where im supposed to be im happy im fine. i mean its better than it was when i was a child i was very sen conscious i never thought like cos i was this massive 6 ft 15 year old like with like huge hair and everyone had like perfect straight hair n that was just yeah i was just always the different one and i hated being the different one. I wished, because of my anxiety i wished i could just be normal and like in the corner hidden away but yeah..

N: its good though like, i feel like now you seem to be more aware of everything so its like putting things in to perspective helps a lot like all those things that make you different like you start to just appreciate them and realise that yeah this is kinda cool like its shit, its shit being normal like why would you wanna be average i cant take it

Z: I think- it sounds funny but one of the things that hit me about my appearance- i used to hate my freckles because i thought it made me look dirty blahblahblah but when i came to london and you know there was- i feel like when i first moved here as well i was probably everyone was like ohhh freckles, cos you know you can get those freckle pencil from topshop!

N: yeah yeah!

Z: and one of my housemates in first year in halls every morning would draw on freckles so seeing that made me be like i need to be more thankful because these are natural like yeah im just gonna stop caring

N: ugh wholesome it’s so much better and wholesome way of thinking!

F: So how do you prefer to connect with other people now like do you prefer to communicate like straightforward or whats your way of communicating with society?

Z: i feel like right now im just a lot more straightforward, open, after i had to go home for ages i hated being like oh im just away for a bit i found it just a bit like ooh uhh not satisfying but more, it was easier to just be like look I’ve had to go home for a bit, I’ve been in hospital, im recovering, im gonna come back and it was better for me because then people knew exactly what was going on and they didn’t care they wanted to help which was better than me just faffing about so for me now i just try to be more open about everything if im having a tough day im just like look im having a tough day like this is whats happened blah blah blah i dont want to dwell on this i want to move on blahblahblah and if i wanna talk to people im gonna be like hey lets meet up lets do something so im just a lot more forward whereas before i just was trying to please people and i was just pussyfooting around everything and i wouldn’t get to the point and yeah

N: yeah i get that, i had a mental breakdown in likeee may this year and its because like i was just keeping everything in and it was its so difficult cos people like expect you to be a certain way especially if they like if they like semi know you

Z: YEAH

N: they think that thats you as a whole but really you’ve got all this shit going on and i was like look, im dying, im going to therapy now

Z: exactly, thats the hard thing though when people see you smiling all the time. i dont know ah its so sad but half the time its just fake like im just trying to get through my day the easiest i can so i can get home and you know

N: but its so much better you know when you’re sad to actually be sad so its like cos you dont have the pressure of being- the lie- the performance- the perfomance on you. The performance kills you

Z: yeah it was the performance and because i was so sad and i let it go on for 3 or 4 years i mean my mum kinda knew that i wasn’t happy and stuff like that and yeah.. that was so nice to be like yeah i don’t have to act anymore because that was another thing i was like it would make me hate myself, cos i was like you’re so fake youre this that and then it would be this daily thing of me- oh my god I’m gonna cry- it would be this daily thing of me just being like you’re a piece of shit like why are you even trying like whats the point. So for me to just be like no this is whats happening and this is whats going on it was just yeah, so much nicer to just sort of let go

N: yep yeah i feel that it’s difficult

F: Do you want to share a part of yourself with other people or do you prefer to hide yourself more?

Z: um so im a lot more cautious with who i share myself with, and I’m a lot more picky in a sense, and i know that sounds bad but i think you have to be picky with the people you surround yourself with and I’ve reduced it, because beforehand you’d have those friends that you weren’t really friends with you’re just like acquaintances and they were friends of a friend like you felt like you had to keep up so now that all of that is gone its just easier for me to be 100% honest with those few people and yeah it just you feel a lot more together for a start but when it comes to interacting with the world i just think to myself- like i wanna be a happy person in order to just because in london everyone is so moody all the time and i don’t think that people understand that you saying one horrible thing to someone can completely ruin their day cos its happened to me before when someones like pushed me in a queue or just said “move” or “hurry up” or something and I’ve already been in such a shit mood that its just added to the top of it and I’ve been like right I’m done like so for me its really important to hold myself and be like how i’d want people to treat me, yeah every day everyone is going through so much i just think its so horrible when people are mean or just impatient

N: its just not productive is it, where are we getting with it Z: yeah exactly

N: I get what you mean about the friendships i feel like we have a certain amount of energy and like when you have acquaintances and stuff or friends that are sort of fake like you end up giving if youre a sensitive person, you give them a lot of your energy and you don’t get that back theres this imbalance and that hurts

Z: IT HURTS

N: yeah it drains you

Z: thats the thing i was giving so much of myself spreading myself so thin. Whether that be oh yeah ill come help you with this and that and then i’d have no time to myself and i was running myself down and i wasn’t eating or sleeping blah blah blah all for other people! which yeah ok thats good but i wasn’t thinking like wait zoe you need to kind of look after yourself too cos thats one thing when youve got mental health issues you go through a while i think of not thinking about yourself, and then also sometimes people will call you selfish so its hard to remember like you need to take care of yourself

N: yeah you have to take care of yourself because like if you don’t then you wont be able to like your energy is precious like you need to nurture it with the people who are gonna give it to you back and like it should grow always

Z: exactly, the people who are there for you in the long run

N: like you said like your mom and everything, family and that kind of thing its such a special thing if you have a good relationship, its like so solid and it wont ever fade like you’ll do anything for each other. I think people have that with friends as well but then like theres certain kinds of friends where its just like theyre not gonna give you that back, and they’ll keep taking as much as they can because they only see that one side of you where you’re smiley and stuff. i feel like they don’t stretch their minds enough to understand that you’ve got this whole other world going on

Z: and also sometimes.... back to the thing about my mum. although she knew that i struggled a bit, i didn’t tell her the full story because in my head- because my mum is a really strict christian and um whenever i come to her with something she’d just be like shall we just pray about it and i’d be like its not...

N: I can relate!!

Z: I’d be like bless you but right now its not gonna do anything for me like, I’m telling you i wanna kill myself and you’re telling me lets pray to jesus.. it was frustrating and it was... hard and it did isolate me even more because i was like well who can i talk to?! and then i was like well stop being silly and when i got sent to hospital and i just told my mum everything she was like- she still is now like are you praying are you doing this and I'm like erm

N: it's difficult with religious parents because for them it's like the ultimate form of care they believe like that is what is going to help you and there only putting that forward because that is what they want for you they've got so much love for you it’s really difficult I went through that with my parents

Z: and you get to a point where you're like is there anyone even listening to me?

........(lost her train of thought here) F: so do you enjoy sharing part of yourself with people?

Z: when I can find people, where we’re on the same wavelength, we've got the same vibe, the same vision, we’re not wasting each other time, when are being those people where oh you read my text and you didn’t reply back. When you find people that you just get on with each other and you understand each other like if I can't get back to you right now know that I will do like I'm not ignoring you

N: I Actually had a conversation with my friend about this at like 3 AM he was like I've turned my read receipts on like my real friends will know I've read your thing and I will get back to you and then the other ones if they complain about it like why haven't you replied to me just leave them.

Z: literally I feel like people got so consumed by it atone point even I was like oh my god they read my message blah blah. So like when you find people you're excited to talk to it's so nice to be like let's just..... yeah so for me I love doing that but it has to be specific people who aren't here to mess around my time and just take things from me and like we respect each other it's a good working friendship

F: so what's your biggest difficulty that you overcome during your life? And your biggest story that you want to share.

Z: it's really strange when I talk about things because I have such a nice upbringing and my parents always in my life for like support and stuff like that.... One of the main difficult things that really hurt me and haunt me and I actually blocked it out for like a good chunk of my life..... A Family friend sexually abused me when I was between the ages of eight and 10 and it was horrible it was horrible that I didn't understand what was going on then so like I didn't make much of it I didn't realise how much of an effect it had on me growing up like I would cover myself up Head to toe like I'd wear baggy clothes I didn't want anyone to see the shape of my body I didn't hug people I was very like- people would be like oh you're very awkward because I wasn't into hugging I wouldn't be that warm I'd have to observe you first I didn't realise it at first both because I didn't want to let anyone into hurt me. And that was another thing that like in first year it was as if my brain and my body had shut it out and then I got to uni and like bam I started getting all these flashbacks I started to be like how fucking dare this person do something to me like that. It just fucked with me yeah really factor to me because even after that older men have always been interested in me even when I was like a 13 -year-old child teachers in school would always act differently with me it was just a bit like I don't like thinking about it I went to a phase where I was like is that all men want from me just sex

N: well, men are trash, it's not you Z: but then that's the thing though I thought it was my fault I thought I was to blame for it

N: but that's when is with anxiety everything just turns back on you you are literally like I'm the one to blame for everything for all of this misfortune, it's really difficult I feel like as well because you can be the most logical person in the world and you can see it as how it it really is but there is that Demon inside of you that's like

Z: it keeps telling you yeah

N: it's horrific

Z: with me it's just being like zoe you were eight like there is nothing you were doing... I still struggle with it especially when it comes the meeting potential boyfriends and stufflike that because I'm just like awkward like in the back of my head I’m like they just want sex, that's all they want. Then I can be a bitch to people because I put up a guard and I'm really rude and really defensive it's just because I'm scared

N: which is totally valid, completely valid. And I think people who are worth it will realise it, like they will work Z: to get through it yeah

N: and anyone that doesn’t, just put them in the bin

Z: yeah it took me awhile to realise that because yes so in first year, god everything happened in first year with first year I came to London and I I had my little ho phase, I think it's because in Huntingdon no one was really looking at me it was only really old men that would do that and I came to London like people my age were showing an interest in me and this was new so I ended up getting into relationships and seeing people that were trash and I didn't realise it until I was halfway through so I was like oh god I've made the biggest mistake and it took me till second year to be like stop like what are you doing you've got to focus on yourself first and be careful with people because although they act nice at first it could all change and yeah so I try not to dwell on it too much I used to wake up every morning and just be a bit blergh it's hard to just get over somethings, it has gotten better but every now and then there can be something that just triggers it and when it gets like that I just need to be like I'm here for a reason someone is trying to test me today

N: but it's important not to like, like it's not about just getting over something it doesn't just click and like everything is okay it such a slow thing but then slow things SO much better because it's solid

Z: I forget that every day I forget it and I'm like I wish I could just be okay that you got to realise a takes a while, but I'm an impatient person nine

N: you'll get there like you seem to be very reflective person I feel like that's the best thing that you can be

Z: the best thing has been going to therapy N: it's so good Z: so so good F: is it where can i go?

N: go at UAL its free!

Z: yeah I went to a lady at UAL but it wasn't like therapy she was a mentor but i could talk to her about anything, she'd be like that's probably the reason you can't do this and she'd help me just like Connect it

N: theyre like detectives innit

Z: because before that when you try and do it you make crazy assumptions, but when somebody else tells you it's a lot better and you're like okay this makes sense I'm allowed to be sad I'm allowed to hurt I'm allowed to feel all these things by car just let it consume me and I have to think about what I want from from moving on

N: my therapist was like, she let me talk about all of my bullshit and like I refuse to like believe that anything bad that happens to me is like worth me feeling shit nothing is really attacking me or whatever and then at the end of my rampage she was just like nabila; call it what it is, its trauma. I was like oh my god that's a strong word

Z: yeah cos again when you're that smiley friendly person you don't really want to think about all that stuff and you don't always want to bring it up to someone and be like- because I don't know about you but when we grew up I feel like we grew up quite tough and we just get on with our shit.

N: yeah emotions aren't a thing

Z: i'll compare it to my boyfriend is American and he talks about his feelings all the time and I'm just like we are different and we were bought up so differently. Like I was brought up to just be like you're okay crack on get on with it it's not the best way and then sometimes I talk about my emotions too much and I feel like I'm being a drama queen or something and then I'm like stop hating yourself

N: I didn't realise it but when I was growing up I internalised this thing where I thought sensitivity was a weakness but the thing is I didn't see it in other people as a weakness I was always quite encouraging of it but when it came to myself I was like why are you being such a pussy why are you being like this and then someone said to me when I was having my tough time she just said to me nabila you're just sensitive you just feel things, I was like oh is that what that is? I didn't think I was sensitive

Z: it's horrible because you think you're weak and stuff but you just feel things a lot more

N: now I feel like my brain has reframed it and sensitivity’s such a strength to have. Because you can bond with people so easily if you want to not a lot of people have that which is kind of sick. that’s another thing that my therapist said to me, she was like not a lot of people have empathy you're quite lucky to have it and I was like “but I'm hurting”. She was like “no no is going to be alright is going to come to your advantage don't worry”

Z: literally now it's not even weakness I've mess only nice people that I can have conversations with and connect with them yeah I don't know I can’t see how it could be weakness

N: that's the thing though with sensitivity I feel like you can meet people and have these surface level chat where you chat about just normal shit but there is people that you meet can you talk about things in such a deep level and that's that crazy connection

Z: yeah and that's the difference like earlier on I was saying how I can't chat to some people I feel like with our generation at the moment as well as the industry we work in we're always looking for the next new cool thing who's got this who's got that sometimes

I feel like when you talk to people they are just judging you like oh have you got it... this is the word that just like my tutors would be like it's not quite it it hasn't got it it was always going round my head that I wasn't it

N: what is this it what is this perfection that everyone’s striving for

Z; yeah I'd always be like that but then I'd be like it doesn't matter if I can't have a conversation with those people that I don't even want to be around

N: yeah was having a conversation about this with my brother and he was talking about having ideals and stuff he was like I don't mean perfection but I said that literally the definition of ideal people shouldn't have these preconceived notions of what an ideal is then because then you always striving to something that you're probably not going to find I think you should just look at person or get to know a person and register what there and find the goodness in that and that's how you bond

Z: yeah exactly that's how you bond, yeah I literally agree so much I feel like so many people feel like they're going to change someone yeah let's adapt let me just completely change you and I'm like.... Yeah I don't want to

N: what's the point? how long are you going to be my life?

Z: exactly especially in London people aren’t in your life that long it's not long periods of time

N: and relationships don't have to be like that it's okay but you're always going to be your own life so you have to the most stable thing

Z: and that was lesson I taught myself like focus on your stability and are you going as a person rather than what anybody all anyone else thinks

N; what is the best thing that you can do really for your relationships with anybody else if you're solid then that's that then you can figure out how much energy you are going to give them you know?

F: so where do you find your energy and your strengths so where can you find your energy to support you?

Z: erm that's hard for me I think it's just productivity if I make sure I keep myself busy keep myself working and motivated that's what seems to work best for me even if I not working towards something and I'm not feeling very confident if I just do something for it I often then it just helps me get to get back into a mindset of being like yeah you can do something although not everything is going to be amazing you can just keep doing it and then my mum my mum is another one that just keeps me going just because her life is crazy and the fact that she's just so happy everyday like every day

F: me too Z: I'm just like your amazing N: where did she get her happiness from do you know?

F: she’s just simple, I have the same thing N: is it just the little things? Z: yeah

N: I've been trying to do that you know I was talking to my friend the other day we were talking about going through shit and how Life just seems to drag you down well she was talking about that and I was like look this is why go on about dumb shit like when the sunlight hits a building I'm like listen everyone stop everyone needs to absorb this

Z: yeah but I don't know how he does it everyday

N: I mean it's probably you if you don't know what is it probably is you

Z: ah but I feel like I’ve caused her so much stress

N: I don't think parents ever see like that though, I think something just happens when you give birth to another human being

Z: yeh! I have thought about this though right I just feel Like going through the whole thing of giving birth to something and then holding it in your hands I feel like you'll never stop loving like you can't ever

N: yeah I don't see how you can is literally a part of you and you're out here like breathing she is like yES I DID THAT

Z: yeah she keeps me going it's crazy N: mums are fabulous

F: yeah that's why I was doing this project in the beginning because of my mother like when I'm feeling upset or depressed I feel like my mum is always happy about things and she's just so positive all the time like everything is simple in her world but in mine everything is so difficult

Z: yeah definitely

N: we gets quite locked into our own worlds though and don’t realise that theres this whole.... Like ultimately nothing really matters apart from our happiness Z: yeah its just getting there, cuz we all know this it just

N: you get lost in it innit, its like you’re spinning around, you cant focus on the one thing, thats what happens all the time with everything whether you're doing a project or whatever you just completely lose your bearings but once you lock onto something everything is okay

Z: and that feeling it's such a good feeling when you're like actually I can do this I'm going to places yeah realising that you can do it

N: and that's my mums are there for they're just like yes you can do it I watched you learn to walk

Z: they just know they know N: I'm going to have to call my mom after this and tell her I love her Z: she hears all the time from me though im like I'm so sorry I love you so much F: what do you think of relationships and love

Z: very complicated, I found it so hard to be able to be comfortable with someone and just be my weird self again I just think I was looking to fill a whole with anyone and anything and I really been treated badly by some not very nice people and when I look back and it just makes me angry but then I'm like it's a learning experience you were young everyone has to go through this but now looking to the future I just want to find someone who were on the same page we Wanna work together in a functioning relationship functioning is the words we look after each other we care for each other we listen to each other like we've got each others backs I don't want you to tell me you love me every day and get me gifts I just want you to I don't know I just want to know they've got my back in situations for me that's just the biggest thing being able to trust somebody and I feel like sometimes I feel like our idea of love is so twisted like the way some of my friends talk to me about what they want I'm just like that so far away from why do you want that yeah I I've lost my train of thought.... It does make me sad though you know when you're 15 and everyone's telling you don't worry about it now and you still go through it all I wish I could go back and talk to myself and say you're fine mate just keep going just carry on you don't need anybody

N: it is difficult because I feel like everything when you're growing up all the movies all the books you read the music you listen to everything that everyone talks about it's like you have another half of yourself to find

F: its so true

Z: so true, I thought that for the longest time, I was like well for me to be complete I have to find somebody else it's not enough to be by yourself

N: it's super hard to get out of that way of thinking

Z: especially when your eyes have been opened a little bit but then you talk to your friend and they are the exact opposite they're like oh I need a man blah blah blah

N: that's the small town mentality jumping out

Z: I don't know about you but back home because it's like so small everyone just goes out with the same people so it's kind of incestuous and that was another reason why I was like I can't go back because I'll end up going with somebody's cousin all brother and I can’t

N: it's difficult to find someone with the same like that deeper level of connection rather than surface both difficult because everyone approaches any kind of relationship with the surface stuff you can't just go straight into depth it'll be a bit weird

Z: haha yeah so what do you think about life?

N: yeah we should just run these interviews we’ll start dating thing for next project... It really should be really easy to talk about that stuff straightaway it's hard because sometimes you're like in the past like back in the day things were different- but it wasn't really was it? I suppose it's never really be easy

Z: and even now I feel like the way we are shown couples you're supposed to look good together, do amazing things together and it's just like yeah you two can both look Peng and you can be like in Australia riding jetskis whatever but you might hate each other that's the worst thing and some people are like all this is the best thing I'm going to get so I'm just going to settle and that's the worst

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londontheatre · 6 years

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Soho Theatre Lucy McCormick Production

Lucy McCormick and her Girl Squad, are back at Soho Theatre having just finished headlining a two night run of Jonny Woo’s Unroyal Variety at Hackney Empire where she devised some brand new original material.

I had the pleasure of speaking with Lucy about her upcoming show and what audiences can look forward to.

Q: I wonder if you could start off by telling me what the show is about?

Lucy: The premise of the show is that I attempt to re-enact the New Testament, playing all the main roles myself. And I have these two backing dancers who join in the big group numbers, as we call them, and take on some “supporting roles”. So, of course, the whole central premise of the show is completely absurd and sort of impossible. The audience watch me attempt to achieve this really epic story but in a very DIY way and also with my own take on pop culture references, so using current pop music, dancing, a lot of vogue and queer gay nightclub references, and also from a feminist viewpoint as well. Choosing to try and retell this story gives me the opportunity to explore different kinds of gender politics and ideas around feminism and queer identity.

Q: You talked a little bit about DIY and the fact that this is a sort of impossible thing that you’re trying to do: Is there a failure element to the show that you enjoy; are there moments of improvisation and things that could go wrong?

Lucy: Yes, there definitely are, and I am really interested in that kind of genuine risk on stage, and genuinely possibly things might fail. But, I think when you play with failure in performance and DIY stuff, it’s about also questioning whether it is actually a failure or whether you can find success. Something could go wrong and this could create something really beautiful or hilarious. The fact the show has “failed” becomes the joke itself and that feels like success.

Q: So your title, ‘Triple Threat’, where does that come from?

Lucy: Well, partly it refers to me having a very traditional training quite a long time ago, being into musical theatre and being a singer. Then I trained traditionally as an actor, which sometimes is a surprise to people because the work I was making for quite a long time was really experimental; influenced by performance art, nightclub performance and subversive cabaret. This show is about me reclaiming my interest in [traditional] plays and musical theatre, but the audience knows I am not to the standard of a West End triple threat! It loops back to he “failure” joke. For me, I’ve always thought, ‘Well I wonder what the triple threat is’, because it could be singing, dancing and nudity or doing explicit things with my body, because that also happens. The last thing I like about the phrase is just that it has the word ‘threat’ in it; it’s sort of like ‘so what are these three threats?’, and I suppose you could even say there’s a kind of mirroring of the holy trinity with it being like a three and a three and for me that also works on a metaphorical level.

Q: How did you find going from quite a traditional training background into trying the more experimental and performance art type of performance?

Lucy: I think in performance art you don’t necessarily need to have a traditional skill, or the work can celebrate things like DIY and mess. In a way, it can sometimes be almost a bit uncool to have a really slick performance, so I do think they can be quite different worlds and they have a completely different set of politics. I also came at performance art from going to various gay clubs or just going to a bar and finding out there’s someone performing on top of the bar or in the toilets or something and you sort of think ‘Oh wow, OK, performance doesn’t just have to happen on a stage’. I suppose it was just a real eye opener in terms of the potential of performance and where you can do it and what you can look at. I think now I’m massively taking from both of those experiences.

Q: So you describe your performance as queer, as a queer club experience: What does it mean to you to make queer performance?

Lucy: I think, for me, it’s something about going back to the roots of choosing the New Testament; it was a way for me to try out these different identities. In one moment I might be playing Jesus and in the next moment I could be playing Mary Magdalene, and I think I feel that we kind of tie ourselves down to titles too much and sometimes there might be certain expectations on me as a conventional looking female. For me, the queer identity of the performance is about challenging expectations and thinking about my identity.

There are these two backing dancers who are male and super-hot and both have same sex relationships and identify as queer and I think that recently there’s been such a commodity of ‘queer’ and in particular the gay male. You see a lot of gay and draggy references in pop culture and I think it’s a chance to question and celebrate and play around with that as well.

Q: And then in what way, if any, would you describe the work as feminist?

Lucy: I would describe it as feminist because my understanding of feminism is about equality and is about humanism rather than it being sort of exclusively for women, let’s say. I identify as a woman and I’ve only got my own body to use and so it’s about how I fit into these roles that this story is giving me; if that’s even really possible in a socio-political way: being in a woman’s body and being in an historically, patriarchal society. So, it definitely is feminist and celebrates strong women, but I think it celebrates strong people and equality really.

Q: You talked about the show as having this religious story running through it, the retelling of the bible: Would you say that the show is aimed at a religious audience?

Lucy: So, I do have some Christian friends who have really enjoyed the show and that’s been so pleasing to me because I’ve never really set out to undermine the story, I’ve just taken it as this source material and then gone ‘How does that make sense to me and what are those kind of modern references?’, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be for everyone. But I think, just as much as you might be quite a traditional Christian person, you might be an atheist who’s quite traditional or just isn’t into subversive cabaret in which people get very messy and get naked. I think it’s for anyone who wants to have a really good laugh, but also is up for something maybe a bit challenging. I think it’s really, really accessible and that’s something I’ve been so pleased with. I didn’t necessarily expect it to be, that’s almost been a bit of a surprise, but it seems like the show is massively accessible. It’s a bit outrageous for some people, especially if they haven’t seen a lot of this kind of work. I think it’s an ideal sort of work Christmas outing!

Q: The show has previously very successfully played at the Edinburgh Fringe and at the Soho Theatre before, has it changed at all during its development?

Lucy: It’s changed a bit, especially since the very beginning; I’ve been clarifying some of the ideas and images. It came out of club performance, so by this point a couple of years ago I was making ten-minute acts to do in cabarets and clubs, and one Christmas someone asked me if I wanted to do a Christmas thing and I decided ‘Oh we could put on a little nativity’. It worked so well I thought I’d keep looking at the New Testament and see what else we could use.

At that point, I was really playing around with the story, but I think now the show has really clarified itself and it really works with the structure that we have. It’s one of those shows where you know there’s banter and chatting to the audience and, you never know exactly how it’s going to unfold, but the structure stays the same. When I was at the Soho last time I was downstairs in what they call the cabaret space, and this time I’m going to be in the theatre, so it’s going to be quite a different atmosphere. I’ve played it in both kind of spaces before so that will be exciting and, I suppose with it just being at Christmas, it’s just going to be so relevant to everything that’s going on.

Q: You’re working on this show with Ursula Martinez and you’ve previously worked with Lauren Barri Holstein on Splat!: Are there any other performers or companies who have inspired you in the work you now make?

Lucy: There have been so many inspirations. Ursula has been a massive influence and we’ve got a really specific way of working now by which I generally make the material and then she’ll come in and give feedback on it and help me shape it. She’s brilliant at doing that and she’s got such a naughty sense of humour so it’s worked really well.

Lauren is an incredible artist and has kind of paved the way in terms of the performance art stuff. And other influences – gosh I’ve got loads – David Hoyle is a massive influence, and Kim Noble. There’s a performance artist called Daniel Oliver who works in absurdity and awkwardness and I just love watching his stuff. I just want to be like that! But I think that’s what artists do all the time: taking these influences and letting them swim around in your own brain.

Q: What should audiences expect when they come to see your show; what should we be looking forward to or threatened by?

Lucy: Well, on the one hand the audience can expect entertaining dance numbers, lovely songs and lots of really hilarious moments, and on the other hand I think they can expect to be a little bit challenged and made to think a lot; to have some good post-show conversations in the bar – hopefully.

Q: And finally, you’re performing back at the Soho Theatre again: I was wondering if there’s anything particularly exciting about performing specifically at the Soho?

Lucy: I think the show is great for having a really diverse range of audience, because you’ll have people from so many different walks of life that will go there, whether that be because they’re literally walking past on the street, or they work locally and they like to go to theatre after work, or just because it’s a very central location. I also think they’ve got a really good reputation around artists and lots of more edgy performance artists. They do loads of comedy and stuff so I think it is a great place to get your work out there and not know exactly who is going to be in your audience. Whereas, with some of the venues, sometimes you can feel like it might be the same people a lot, or you’re performing to your friends, so it’s a great opportunity to get your work out there. I also think they do a good job at programming really interesting stuff and you know there’s a million different options for what to get for dinner, so it’s great!

Thank you very much to Lucy for being such a delight to speak to this morning. I very much look forward to seeing her show next month. Make sure to catch Lucy McCormick: Triple Threat at the Soho Theatre, Monday 11th to Saturday 16th December 2017, 9.45pm.

Interview by Joseph Winer

*******

Following smash-hit sell-out runs at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and the Soho Theatre, Triple Threat returns to Soho Theatre for one week only from the 11th – 16th December 2017.

United Agents & Soho Theatre present Lucy’s provocative and subversive cabaret show that retells the greatest story of all time. Triple Theatre gives the most unique twist to be seen on stage in the run up to Christmas.

Casting herself in all the main roles, Lucy attempts to reconnect to her own moral conscience by re-enacting the New Testament via a nu-wave holy trinity of dance, power ballads and absurdist art.

Triple Threat was commissioned by hÅb and Contact for Works Ahead, with support from Soho Theatre, Cambridge Junction and the Marlborough and funding from Arts Council England and is directed by Ursula Martinez.

Listings Information: Dates: 11th – 16th December Lucy McCormick Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, London, 020 7478 0100 Time: 9.45pm www.sohotheatre.com

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rexylafemme · 7 years

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infinite deaths lead to infinite transformations

i recognize lately that there's this lingering sense of failure & loss & sadness living in my body, existing just out of frame in my thoughts (meaning, i guess, i don't give real space, attentive space to), having specifically to do with [said in bratty, tongue-in-cheek, big big air quotes] "my identity," "my body."

the other night i was on the phone with a dear kindred friend of many years, was responding to something she said and i said, "if i were you, that would make me feel really bad. i mean, if i were a human being, that would..." i stopped and then we both started cracking up. freudian slip. in the moment, i'm not quite sure what i meant, but it felt like i really meant it, really natural to say. not being a human being is a sense i have about myself, i think because humanness is defined by things that are fundamentally exclusive of my experience, how i see myself, how i think, how i move through the world, what my body is. also, trans people just ARE mythical creatures.

anyway, whatever. i don't "exist" technically, but i do exist actually. and also, we have always existed, we-- trans people [which i use as a really broad, inclusive term to include all of the figures who never are/were able to claim that term, all of the figures for whom it does/did not exist, all of the figures it is/was robbed from, all of the figures who it is/was rewritten out of] have always existed. we are not new.

anyway, whatever. this quieted, stifled, devastated feeling of loss/grief/sadness/failure. though i wrote an article about it, i've never actually grieved testosterone. grieved taking it, grieved what i would not have not taking it, the death of the possibility. that my decision to stop was motivated by a number of things we aren't really able to talk about with pride, gusto, ease. [who is we in this sentence, all my non-human, trans self-states (?) strung together through this thread of my life, the life i didn't ask for but i have anyway and try to appreciate tho it seems widely the Reality i live in, am called Human or not-Human in, doesn't appreciate me often-- tho i have a lot of really amazing loving people in my life far and wide, and, yes, have fought to carve out space to be seen in, acknowledged in, appreciated in [not just for trans-ness] however fully or un-fully, however full of truths or lies.] i'm fucking crazy-- i identify that way, probably ahead of any other thing i am other than being poor and white, i am crazy before i am trans, i am crazy before i am anything that defines what my body is bc who cares and who knows but me [tho i recognize the political importance of identifying my body as something, i guess, even when it is nothing, feels like it or i am outside of it mostly or effectively it is treated like nothing, by me, others, lovers, the state, etc], i am crazy before i am queer-- if even i am that, having always had an ambivalent relationship with that term given its evolution as this annoying and unfortunate category that recycles exclusion and problems of white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, gatekeeping, rules for how to be, who to fuck/love/be close to and how, how to look, what to wear, what to like, builds institutions whose foundations are based in all of the above, etc. how quickly we forget how poor crazy black, brown, and white people radicalized the word queer, how it became Queer, trademarked by judith butler et al, liberal arts colleges, universities, research journals and then further used to silence, reject, consume, criticize, murder-by-complicity poor crazy black, brown, and white trans and queer people. rageful yawn! [so boring, so anger-producing, so over it]. and all of this so then jill soloway can make "the best tv series of the century" [so says a white cis old dude w/ money named sparrow to my trans coworker who gets fed up with him after he says something like 'oh your name is different than it was a few months ago, that's so interesting. no one changes their names anymore unless they're transsexuals" and then they were like "yeah that would be me." "OHHHH TRANSPARENT IS THE BEST TV SHOW OF THE CENTURY," sparrow says in response. sparrow, who said to me, as many before him have and many after will: "YOUR name is rex? YOU? it's so WEIRD, YOUUU have that name???! wow, who would've thought!" cuz being a grown-ass white man self-named after a fucking bird isn't weird at all. transparent, yay, the tv show about US, that's not really about US. and i watch it so i guess i'm probably a hypocritical asshole, but i am starving for some representation. anyway, whatever. i'm probably crazy and poor before other things because crazy and poor provides the wash over which everything else i live is experienced. crazy, poor, grieving this synthetic steroid i experienced as poison in my body and brain. this thing i can't have that i want. this toxic thing. toxic because it erodes away my vag, toxic because it could destroy my liver, toxic because continued use over time could pose all these extreme health problems, but who knows really! cuz, why would we study that?! and when we do study it, why would we focus on the multiplicity of bodies and spectrum of people who approach HRT?! toxic because i am a crazy poor person with a lot of health problems to begin with that i don’t talk about and i probably would develop all the like, weird anomalous issues that "most people just won't ever have to worry about"! [most people is... ? ]

toxic because i lost all track of how i related to myself, how i felt, or what i even wanted while i was on it. i know what i want and what i like [about what it gave me]: more hair everywhere [yay!], androgynizing body shape [awesome!], growth in my underwear [i don't really know what to call what in-betweenness is going on there, cockette i say to myself but that feels maybe too campy for general use and not sexy however fitting and hilarious. anyway, it's cool and fun!], androgynizing voice [sometimes sultry, sometimes pubescent, sometimes girly, fran fine as a man laugh, excellent]. and the goal was always androgynizing, was always becoming something else, not one thing. tiresias, venus as a boy, dionysus, whatever.

but so i am sad because i can't move forward with those things that i like. the embodiment. and embodiment for me, as a crazy poor person, is constantly difficult. am i ever even in my body, do i have one, what is it good for, why. i moved further away from a sense of even desiring "masculinity" when i started t. that was a gift, to realize my desire wasn’t about acquisition of “maleness.” i just wanted all the things i described above: the physical changes that for whatever reason signify "maleness" or "trans-maleness" and therefore told people that's what i wanted because i wanted those physical attributes. i don't wanna be a man or a trans man. man, not something that i ever felt like. boy, dude, male, maybe, some hybrid masc/femme thing, cross-human. i definitely didn't want the head-hair loss/thinning, which happened and put me into a neurotic, severely gender-NONCONFIRMING frenzy. i can't lose my hair i can't lose my hair. call it femme vanity, i dunno or really care, a bitch isn't gonna be bald, that's it, not ok not possible not happening so that also informed my decision to stop t, tho i didn't really admit it. i won't say i didn't/don't want the "he" pronoun, sometimes. i want them all. i'm greedy and excessive and i don’t like being limited. i want to be what i am: a mix, a shapeshifter. one angle i look like one thing, one angle another. the reason people stare at me all the time: bewildered, upset, confused, looking for clear markers. staring at my crotch or into my eyes, my face, working out their assessments. judging what i'm wearing against my facial hair against my makeup against my voice against an absence of breasts against my name against my...

anyway, whatever. i am sad because i can kinda have all of those things: more hair, more androgynized body. if i try hard enough. if i have enough time and money. because i could see a nutritionist and an herbalist specializing in trans health [they exist if you can pay to see them!]. or alternately, i could DIY it, buy all the herbs in the androgynizing herb regimen i came up with through research, and i could take them every day for... forever if i wanted, or for however long i wanted to, based solely on my desire to do it. not if i wanted, if i could. but i don't have the money. and i can't. and i could do all the exercises that would androgynize my shape. if i had the time and the energy. if i could get my shit together enough. if i weren't cycling in and out of housing insecurity since i returned to nyc and even before and through my whole life. if i weren't, some days, just able to do the bare minimum for myself, if i weren't racked with body pains somedays from a combination of: the things i do to my body that are bad for it [binding], not being able to sleep, work, running around, having a sick, sensitive body, the ways i carry stress in my body and where. if i didn't have problems prioritizing myself. if i weren't afraid of the structure of my exercise and nutrition regimen evolving into eating disorder and unhealthy obsession like they have before. if i weren't crazy.

it becomes about all the things i am always failing at that i can't do much about other than be patient and accept the material/systemic/emotional limitations that frame my life. back to poor, back to crazy: why i can't move forward at the speed that i would like to with my "transition." crazy means i can't be on t without being crazier and more sleepless and more in trauma self-states. crazy means i sometimes can't live up to my own structures and routines for my own health: body, mind, spirit. poor means i can't go to the trans nutritionist, the trans herbalist, buy the herbs and have them all the time. and i'm trying so hard to get that money, to do that. or, i'm trying so hard to be okay with not having what i want, what i need. remembering it's not my fault. there's nothing i can do about it. but that's not really a consolation so much as it is another reminder of my powerlessness to shift certain realities that affect not only me, but so many other people i care about, or people i do not know, everyone who should have everything that they want and need, regardless of who they are and what they can afford materially/socially/politically.

and i am grieving for all the knowledge we have lost and is not widely accessible. because tho i may not have the evidence or may not have done all the research, i fucking know people have been "transitioning" naturally and through magic for as long as people have existed and throughout all cultural contexts, whether trans-ness has been exalted (and it has, throughout time) or demonized/criminalized/driven underground. our mythological selves.

#trans #femmes #ambivalence #mental health #crazy #rage #androgyny #both/and #poor politics

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