To Worship a War Goddess in the Modern Era
This devotional writing is dedicated to the Great Queens, Na Morrígna, She who has called me to service. Inspired by a nightmare, this writing is offered to uphold an exchange. May these words aid not in teaching others how to think, but in learning to listen.
One thing since being called by the Morrigan that I’ve had difficulty resolving is the Morrigan’s being a war goddess in the age of the military industrial complex, where wars, especially on the part of the US and other imperialist nations, are fought not for sovereignty or “defense,” like so many USAmericans are raised to believe. Authors on the Morrigan agree war has changed since the days of her worship among the Celts, but none I’ve found talk about what it means to worship her in the face of wars fought for unjust causes and for profit, or the fact that veterans are made forgotten victims instead of honored warriors, or in watching the genocide of the Palestinian people, among other ongoing injustices worldwide. I worry that sovereignty for the Morrigan is equated with imperialism, colonialism, and white supremacy, especially given some personal history interacting with devotees who themselves hold such values. Surely, with just how sick the land and its people are thanks to poverty, climate change, etc., the current “sovereigns” in power do not have the Morrigan’s blessing?
I admit I do not have all the answers or all the vocabulary to speak as strongly as I feel on this topic. As only an Acolyte still forging my relationship with the Morrigan, I am in the process of learning what worship of a war goddess in the modern age looks like. The Morrigan and her care have changed since ancient times, and they should. Her being able to do so speaks to the power of what she represents and the needs of the communities who call on her. Her complexity only grows in the modern age, especially in the face of global economies and imperialism, and as her worship is taken beyond the bounds of her homelands. Thus, I am left wondering how to consider or work with her warlike aspects.
In folklore, the Morrigan is often an antagonist, appears to fight for the “wrong” side, and starts wars out of nowhere. Authors like Courtney Weber (2019) and Stephanie Woodfield (2021) mention that we do not know for what purpose she started wars in ancient times, but both urge that the concepts of war and violence are complex not just to the Morrigan but to humanity. The Morrigan, by her very nature and actions across even her seemingly mortal lifetimes, is a goddess in the grey areas who rejects false binaries between life and death or war and peace. She teaches us not to believe in things blindly or warns us against simple stances on complex subjects. Jewish Witch, devotee of the Morrigan, and staunch anti-Zionist Asa West (2014) says, “The Morrígan implores us not to glorify war or reject all armed conflict on principle, but rather to understand and work through humankind’s propensity towards violence.” I think to deny violence on principal, and especially to uncritically shame its use by others, is a shortsighted stance. I firmly believe in the necessity of violence to end violence. I believe that victims of state-sanctioned violence have a right to defend themselves. I believe that nonviolence has its place (this is the purpose of magick, after all, as well as the Morrigan’s and the Celts’ battle cries, so that enemies may be deterred from battle), but it cannot be the only way to peace when the tools and means to defend oneself are available and help ensure one’s right to life. In these ways, I feel that I understand the Morrigan better. She is not a goddess of war and violence to glorify it, but because it is a facet of our reality. If there are any gods to rule over war, I would want her to be one who understands all its facets, complexities, necessities, goals, and consequences, who mourns as well as celebrates, who seeks peace as its ultimate means, and knows that none of it is so simply defined or easily attained.
So how does the Morrigan fit into modern concepts of war, if we recognize violence as a both a reality and a necessity? To that end, I think it is important to look at the ways war has changed in modern times. To USAmericans and other global imperialist nations, wars are rarely if ever fought locally. Our views of war have become physically distanced as a result of deploying our people overseas, selling weapons to arm other peoples for us, and by employing technologies like drones for environmental terrorism. All this makes obliviousness to and normalization of war easier, contributing to willful ignorance to those impacted by the machinations of individuals who perpetuate and profit from it. As a result of the military industrial complex, I think the purposes of war get lost and even corrupted. I fear oversimplifying this discussion, but I find it important to at least describe how a world economy based on war not only distances us from the realities of war, but makes it easier to forget the different types of, ways that, and reasons for which wars have been and can be fought. Given how often the concept of sovereignty is debated in the Morrigan’s community, perhaps the concept of war requires it, too, because I refuse to believe in a god who would condone the actions of, incite the kinds of violence perpetrated by, or fight for a “side” like those of Israel and United States over the years.
In the modern age, I think the Morrigan incites the internal wars, too, both within the individual and within a country’s political climate through protests, demonstrations, political movements, and the like. These, too, are wars, where violence occurs and where it has shown to be necessary, though not the only armaments for change and peace. Wars for justice in the modern era are ones that have brought us concepts such as Restorative Justice, which seek not only to put an end to things like retributive justice and the concept of a carceral state, but improve the lives of even perpetrators of violence and harm. Woodfield (2021) says of the Morrigan that this is the true cost of peace:
“I could hear the Morrigan in my mind, saying, ‘The true price of invoking peace is that you bless even your enemies, so that all might be whole again.’ Because how you end a battle is sometimes far more important than how you began it in the first place. Or how you fought it […] [A]ll people will remember is how it ended. […] Peace really isn’t peaceful. It’s earned only when you are willing to fight for it.” (p. 67)
Peace doesn’t mean people aren’t held accountable—that’s among the ideas that Restorative Justice seeks to uphold. Peace means ensuring all involved parties learn, grow, and heal from the experience.
And it is why that I believe the Morrigan revels in these grey areas of the definitions of and purposes for war. All authors agree the Morrigan is a peace-bringer as much as she is a war-maker. Those who analyze her mythologies will tell you she wages the wars she does specifically to bring about the kind peace she ushers at the end of the Battles of Moytura. Perhaps the true reasons of the wars mentioned in the mythologies are lost to time or have been romanticized for the purposes of a good story, but there are still lessons to be learned there, I think, for the Morrigan’s faithful.
I am personally drawn to the myth of Macha Mong Ruad, who, in defeating Dithorba’s sons, did not kill them, but charged them with constructing her fort, Emain Macha. Rather than killing those men, she reintegrated them into society, she gave them work, and she presumably treated them well so that they could complete that work. I see that work being a form of justice as they took part in the construction of safety and peace against which they had originally rallied out of selfishness and disrespect for Macha’s sovereignty and gender identity. I imagine they most definitely were outcasts among Macha’s people henceforth. Her people even question why she spared the men in the first place. Shame is a necessary for accountability to take place, and it is sadly something perpetrators of violence and injustice avoid or refuse to let themselves feel, because oppressors can only ever imagine the violence they commit being done unto them. Macha’s decision was an important one for her to make so that not only was peace maintained and her power demonstrated, but also so Dithorba’s sons could be given time to learn the lessons of their transgressions and experience all facets of accountability, including shame.
Peace is a war, too, as we try to heal and restore others to health and happiness, give even our enemies the space not just to learn from and internalize the lessons we have sought to teach them through war, but now ensure that they thrive because of it. Revenge on and eradication of our enemies is what we have been taught war is in the modern era, but I prefer to entertain the notion that that is not what it should be. I would love to reach an era where international wars are fought differently, where machines of violence are eradicated, and where the struggle is spent learning to empathize, learning to negotiate, and learning to wish wellness upon even the people who have hurt us. Revenge and retaliation distract us from and become easy ways out of the harder, healthier work. Thus, we must work to get there, which in this day and age means making use of the tools available to us in order to secure not only our survival and victories, but our abilities to thrive afterwards.
I like to think the Morrigan knows all this, too, and this is what she wants. If she didn’t before, then maybe she knows now as her worshippers have found her across all corners of the globe and as she has grown and changed with them. I think it is important to remember that faith and spirituality are ecologies: there are things gods can do that mortals cannot, and there are things mortals can do that gods cannot, so they rely on one another. I think that ecology includes the negotiations for change and growth, if we are all living and continually changing aspects of nature. Change is good, change is expected. It is a war goddess like the Morrigan, whose changes are near constant, I would trust with the domain of war. May we all, in the face of war both just and unjust, learn to grow, change, and heal together just as fervently as we fight.
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@harrypocter Week 4: Padma Patil
5 times Padma stopped Parvati from doing something + 1 time she didn't
1.
Padma had learned to pick her battles.
She was a brown witch with a muggle grandparent growing up in a society which dripped with white pureblood supremacy and with a best friend who was part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, a Ravenclaw with a Gryffindor sister thought of as little more than an airhead, and a member of Dumbledore’s Army.
She had had to learn.
“He was our headmaster!” Parvati hissed. “We have every right to stay and attend his funeral!”
“Not on my watch,” Their dad snapped.
“Ma!” She appealed to their mother. “Come on. Hogwarts is the safest place in Europe!”
Their mother visibly hesitated. “I’m sorry,” she said gently. “But we can’t believe that. Not after the Sirius Black fiasco—”
“He was innocent!” Parvati snapped with the vehemence of someone who knew Harry Potter and how he grieved his godfather.
“But he still got in,” Dad emphasized, voice breaking. Padma looked at him. “When he was believed to be a mass murderer.” He gulped and closed his eyes, making the dark circles under them even more evident. “Cedric Diggory. Katie Bell. Now Death Eaters got in here—”
“You can’t throw their names at us,” Parvati said, her lips trembling. “You can’t use his memory to – to force us to leave—”
“We’re not forcing you,” Ma said. She leaned forward and reached out to Parvati, who brushed her off. “We’re begging you. It’s not safe here.”
“We agreed at the beginning of the year that Dumbledore being here and the protections the Ministry set were enough,” Dad said forcefully. “For some reason, I let the two of you remain even after the attack on your classmate. You could have died last night.” His voice broke, and his hand trembled. “No more. You’re coming home.”
It wasn’t that they weren’t right. With Dumbledore’s death, the castle had become a lot less secure. With his funeral being held right there, thousands would gather. Any one of them could be a Death Eater in disguise. She had no doubt the funeral of pretty much the leader of the fight against You-Know-Who would be an incredibly strategic target.
“I want to attend the funeral!” Parvati said sharply. “It’s not like home will be much safer.” She pointed out. Their parents flinched.
Padma had seen the way her dad tensed every time news of a murder came in - especially Amelia Bones, who’d had the same amount of security and notoriety the Patils had. She’d seen her mother having nightmares from her time fighting in the first war as Magical Law Enforcement Patrol. She’d seen the way Pansy avoided her gaze when talking about the holidays.
But Parvati was right too. Hogwarts was where they belonged, with their friends. She knew her sister immensely regretted not having her DA coin on her last night, that she’d joined the fray too late, after Draco Malfoy had fled. Padma wanted to attend the funeral of their headmaster too.
Her skull felt like a million red hot hammers were pressing into it. She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall as her parents and sister argued in circles, making the same points repeatedly.
“You’re our children!” Dad said, sounding crazed. He pressed his hands in his hair. “You have to understand – we need to keep you safe! How are we supposed to let you stay here, when it’s so dangerous, when the Ministry is months from falling, when any time someone might come to recruit you, when you’ve already decided to become child soldiers—”
“The DA isn’t about fighting!” Parvati said angrily. “It’s about defending and—”
“Okay,” Padma cut in. “We’ll come home.”
She had learned to pick her battles and this wasn’t one she wanted to fight.
“What?” Parvati turned on her, stunned. Padma had to swallow at the look of betrayal on her face.
“They’re right,” she preempted her sister. “It’s too dangerous. We need to go home.” She tried to convey the complexities of the matter silently – their parents wouldn’t give in this time, it truly was dangerous, remaining at Hogwarts was pretty much pointless when school was over and everyone was wrung out with grief and exhaustion and worry and half were leaving anyway, their parents’ trauma was affecting the way they viewed things and the twins couldn’t make it worse, they could argue about attending the funeral and seeing their friends later – but Parvati didn’t meet her gaze.
Dad turned to Parvati with an air of triumph that made her wince. “Dekho! Your sister agrees. Now—”
“Meri jaan—” Ma started, trying to remedy that.
“Don’t, Ma,” Parvati said tiredly. “Fine. We’ll go pack.”
All her defiance was gone. Padma swallowed again.
Parvati turned on her the moment their parents left them at the gates of the castle. “How could you?” She demanded, sounding close to tears. “How could you side with them?”
“Parv—”
“It’s dangerous?” She laughed maniacally. “Like the entire world isn’t going to fucking narak right now—”
“It wasn’t only about that—”
“Like all our friends aren’t here, like the person after whom the DA was named for isn’t dead, like we both don’t know we’re going to fight in the war because our friends will because Harry has to—”
“Mujhe pataa hai! But that doesn’t need to be addressed right now—”
“I just figured,” Parvati shook her head. “That you of all people wouldn’t disagree with and abandon me.”
Her throat closed up. “I’m not doing either of those things,” she tried.
“Pack your bags, behen. We’re going home, apparently.” She said bitterly and stalked off.
Padma stood behind, watching helplessly, eyes stinging with tears.
Had there been a right choice?
2.
“We’re nine!” Parvati said, jumping up and down. “We’re so big now! Paresh mama has to stop calling us the babies now,” she said, nodding determinedly.
“We’re still younger than the others,” Padma pointed out, stopping her sister’s growingly physical excitement.
Parvati stopped flailing about, pouting. “Tu mujhe mazaa karne kabhi deti hi nahi,” she complained.
“I let you have plenty of fun!” Padma protested, insulted. “And if you had kept making that much noise, Ma and Dad will come up to scold us. Stop it.” Parvati let out a loud sigh. Even she clearly thought it would be a pity to end their amazing birthday with their parents coming to yell at them for staying up past bedtime.
“In two years, we’ll get our Hogwarts letters,” Padma said excitedly, changing the subject.
“That’s two years!” Parvati said, waving her hands for emphasis. “Doooooo saaaaaal,” she stretched, giggling. “I can’t wait! We’ll have so much fun!”
“You, Pansy and me,” Padma said, nodding fiercely. “We’ll make an amazing trio!”
“Dad says it’s a castle,” Parvati said in awe. “With a large talab!”
“Lake,” Padma corrected. “We’ll have to speak only in English there. Not many people will know Hindi.”
“Doesn’t mean we have to stop speaking it now,” Parvati protested. “Did Pansy say something?”
“Nahi!” Padma squeaked. “I just think we need to practice.” She added, hoping it had thrown Parvati off the scent. Pansy hadn’t said much, she’d just made a casual comment about it being difficult to switch to speaking only in one language for them after being bilingual their entire lives. But Padma had taken it to heart, like she did with most criticism.
“Not now,” Parvati decided. Padma shrugged and nodded. It was fine. Pansy and their parents and their teachers wouldn’t care, which was all Padma cared about. “Cordelia and Gillian want to play a joke on Mister Ramsay tomorrow,” she continued. “Mein ne bola mein madat karoongi.”
“Parvati!” Padma scolded.
“It’s just some fun,” her sister said. “We’re going to put some sneezing pilleties—”
“Pellets,” Padma corrected.
Parvati waved a hand in a dismissive way. “On his desk. That’d mean he’d achoo-achoo his whole way through class!” She said, clearly pleased with herself.
“But that could be khatarnak,” Padma said, frowning.
“Kaise?”
“Sneezing continuously makes you dizzy,” Padma said, adopting her lecturer’s pose. “And you don’t know what’s in those pellets!”
“It’ll be fine,” Parvati argued.
“Parv, our class is forty minutes, sneezing continuously for that long could be really bad!”
Parvati looked doubtful. “Okay, but I can’t stop them. . .”
“They’ll listen to you! How would you feel if they were called to the principal’s office? Or Mr. Ramsay had to go to the nurse?” Parvati persisted. “They don’t even have magic to heal him!”
That sold it. They were too used to having their parents magic away every booboo. “You’ll help me?” She asked.
“Bilkul.”
“And we can do something else, something that isn’t as dangerous,” Parvati decided. She didn’t look enthused. “Come oooon, Padma. Pleeeeaaaase?”
Padma sighed. “I can’t let you get into trouble without me.”
“Yay!” Parvati squealed, jumping into Padma’s bed and hugging her.
“Parvati, they’ll come up!” She hissed, but hugged back.
“You’ll be with me even if they do,” Parvati said, sounding remarkably unconcerned.
“Obviously,” Padma rolled her eyes. “We’re sisters.”
“Behen!” Parvati cheered. “Together forever!” She held out her pinkie. Padma stared at it, unimpressed. “Come on.”
Sighing, she wrapped her own around her sister’s. “Together forever.”
“Maybe we can do an agni yajna to seal it!”
“No, Parvati.”
3.
A loud scream echoed through the Great Hall.
Padma turned, concerned. “Who’s that? Can we help?”
Madam Pomfrey shook her head, her usually stern but kindly face melted into despair. “That’s George Weasley, dear.”
“George?” Padma blinked. “Wha – what happened?”
“It’s Fred,” Anthony Goldstein said grimly, not stopping applying dittany on an unconscious Ernie Macmillan’s arm.
“He’s not--?” Padma started, but she didn’t need to finish. The scream had trailed off into gasping sobs.
Padma swallowed as she mended Devin Abbott’s broken arm, moving to Janet Waite, who had multiple wounds from Acromantulas.
Her throat was dry. Fred Weasley. She remembered him from her sister’s tales of the Gryffindor common room, from pranks and jokes in the corridors, his awe-inspiring defiance of Umbridge, and his excellent wandwork in the DA.
And she had never once thought of him without the addition of George.
His twin brother. George had lost his twin.
Feeling a sudden bout of empathy and panic, Padma’s hands shook as she forced down a Blood Replenishing Potion down the throat of someone she didn’t recognize.
Anthony’s gaze softened when he looked at her. “Go. Find her. We’ll manage.”
“Thanks, Ant,” was all she managed before she ran off. “Have you seen Parvati?” She asked Hannah Abbott.
She nodded, hair falling back revealing a blood-stained scar on her face. “She was sent out to – to gather the wounded and dead,” she said. “I think she’s assigned to the first two staircases in the Entrance Hall.”
“Thank you!” Padma called as she sped away. She passed Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley hauling in a wounded man who groaned with pain, gave someone directions to Madam Pomfrey’s make-shift clinic, stopped to help Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt heal someone from a curse growing hair on the inside of their lungs, and finally reached the Entrance Hall. Emeralds from the Slytherin hourglass were spilled all over the floor, blood trickling through them. Mandrakes, strands of venomous tentacula and shards of crystal balls added to the general vibe of wartime chaos.
“I’m going after him!” She heard Parvati snarl. “Let me go! Now!”
Matharchod.
“Padma!” Katie Bell hailed her in relief, as she got closer and spotted the limp body of her sister’s best friend. It was instantly clear what had happened to her. Padma felt bile rise in her throat, but forced it down to look at her sister instead, and savour the guilty relief that she was safe.
The rest of the world could be dead or dying, but Parvati was safe.
“Padma,” Parvati echoed, her voice dead, launching herself at her. Padma wrapped her arms around her sister and held her tight, hearing George Weasley’s screams even though she was long past hearing range. “I need to go after him.”
“Parv—”
“No! No, you can’t—” she began sobbing. “Lavender is – she’s – how is she going to deal with the scars? She’s going to hate herself – that’s my best friend— I’m going to kill Greyback --”
Padma forced the knowledge of Parvati’s denial of her best friend’s chances of surviving back, instead holding her as she gave great heaving coughs and bawled into her shirt.
“We need to get her to Madam Pomfrey now,” she said, making sure Parvati understood the urgency. Still keeping a hold of Parvati, she moved to see how best to move the bo- to move Lavender. “Katie, levitation. Carefully.”
“Right,” the ex-Gryffindor nodded. The matter-of-factness reminded her of Pansy, and with a pang, she remembered how their last conversation had gone.
Not now.
Lavender gave a great groan as she was levitated, which gave Padma hope she might survive. She didn’t dare interfere – levitating a person was bad enough, and Padma might be an amateur healer, but she certainly wasn’t good enough to try her hand at cursed wounds, especially those inflicted by a werewolf.
They followed Katie to the Great Hall entrance, wands at the ready to take over, but the older girl had always been steady in her castings in the DA, and she had maintained it the past two years. Padma couldn’t make herself go inside. George was still sobbing, and it reverberated around the Hall.
She felt Parvati move from beside her the minute Lavender was swarmed by Madam Pomfrey, Healer Vance and Anthony, all looking grimly determined, and she reached out to grasp her wrist.
“Let me go,” Parvati hissed.
“No way,” Padma snapped back. “Are you insane?”
“Tell me you wouldn’t do the same if it was Anthony or Parkinson or me like that,” she said, deadly soft.
Padma forced herself to meet her sister’s gaze. “I can’t. But it’s not one of you, so I’m holding you back from going and getting yourself killed. Lavender wouldn’t want that.”
“How would you know what she’d want?” Parvati said angrily. “You’ve never once deigned to speak to her.”
She scowled at the reminder of her haughtiness towards Lavender. She sighed. “Fine. But I know you love her, and you would never love someone who’d want you to get yourself killed in seeking vengeance.”
“I won’t get myself killed---”
“Yes, you will.”
“I’m a good fighter—”
“I know you are. Believe me. You’ve outscored me every time we’ve had a decent defence teacher. You did amazing in the DA. It’s still dangerous.”
Parvati laughed scornfully. “You sound like our parents.”
“Parv. Greyback will have gone back to You-Know-Who – Voldemort – now. Charging in there recklessly like a Gryffindor will get you killed. That’s it. It won’t avenge Lavender.”
Parvati blinked back tears. “But then – I have to – he – I need to kill him. Or at least incarcerate him.”
Padma held back a sigh. Her sister, always a fighter. “I know. But you think he won’t end the ceasefire in an hour when Harry doesn’t surrender? The fighting will start again. Greyback will join the fray.”
Parvati leaned against the wall, the manic look fading, replaced by steely determination. “And then I’ll find him.” She took a deep breath. “Padma. I saw Parkinson near Greenhouse Three.”
“You what?”
“I’m going to go sit with Lavender. Go find her.”
“Parv—”
“Go. It’s okay. I’m not going to run off.” She said reassuringly.
“I don’t believe you.” Padma said with narrowed eyes.
Parvati flicked her braid back. “You’re right, as always. Lav would miraculously heal herself just to come kill me if I went after Greyback right now. Without even proper make-up. And anyway—” she hesitated. “I need to know—”
Who else has died, hung in the air.
“I love you,” Padma whispered into her sister’s hair.
“Love you too, behena. Go be all lovey-dovey.”
4.
“What are you doing?”
“Has Anthony left already?” Parvati asked, startled. “I thought he’d stay longer.”
Usually Padma would’ve snarked that she and Anthony weren’t as codependent best friends as Parvati and Lavender were, but with Lavender still in St. Mungo’s, still in critical condition, the thought barely formed before being crushed.
“He went to check on his family,” she answered. “He’s worried about them.”
“Aren’t we all?” Parvati muttered wryly, eyes still on the parchment. The war had ended, but Death Eaters were still at large. Parvati was right, Anthony was far from being the only one who was paranoid about his family’s safety. “Have you heard from Parkinson?”
Padma reflected on how glad she was that her darker skin prevented blushing, because heat rose in her face at the thought of Pansy. “Stop distracting me. What are you writing?”
“It’s nothing. Anyway, you’re seriously telling me the witch who is in love with you enough to return to a battle she was terrified of hasn’t contacted you?”
Padma ignored that, walking over to the desk and seizing the parchment. “Chutiya!” Parvati cried angrily. “Give that back!”
She danced around the room, avoiding her sister’s grasping hands. “Dear Headmistress McGonagall, I thank you for the information and letter and hereby state that I will be enrolling for the ‘eighth year batch’ and—what?” She finished incredulously. “You’re coming back to Hogwarts?”
“So what?” Parvati asked defensively. “I want to. You’re going back.”
“Well – yes, but that’s because I need NEWTs to start a Mastery and go into Spell Efficacy and Research. You don’t need them.”
“I have every right to make my own decision, and this is what I’ve decided. I want to go back to Hogwarts.” Parvati said firmly, but she didn’t meet Padma’s gaze and her lips trembled.
“Parv,” she said softly. “We both you know you want to join the Aurors with Harry and Neville and Ernie and Morag and Ron and the others, and that like everyone in the DA you have that option. Why are you writing to go back to school?”
“It’s my decision.”
“Sure, and as your sister, I’m asking why you’re taking this particular one.”
Parvati paced the room. “I can’t leave you alone there,” she said, finally. “We just fought a battle at Hogwarts. It’s not safe, especially with so many high priority targets like Harry’s best friend and girlfriend attending.”
Padma raised an eyebrow. “Sure, and you are definitely someone to shy away from danger. You know I can take care of myself. Cut the crap. Sach bol.”
“Fine! How do I know this is what I want to do?” She asked. “I saw my friends get killed. I’ve seen dead bodies. I’ve killed. What does it say about me that I want to jump right back into the fight? How do I know this isn’t just because we grew up having to learn to defend ourselves and joined the DA? I’ve only wanted to be an Auror since—”
“Fourth year,” Padma completed, leaving since we saw Harry having a mental breakdown over Cedric’s dead body unspoken. “That’s more than three years now, Parv. Do you really think if it weren’t for the war, you’d take a nice cushy job? You’ve always defended people. You’ve always stood up for what was right. You’ve always been incredible at defensive and offensive magic – you were one of the best in the DA. You’ve always wanted to fight the good fight. Wanting to become an Auror was just another way to further that.”
Parvati furrowed her eyebrows. “Do you really think me being an Auror would be a good decision?” She asked tremulously.
Padma hesitated. All her bossy instincts and knowledge of who her sister was told her to tell Parvati firmly that yes, she was meant to be an Auror. Her protective side wanted to wrap her in basilisk hide armour and stow her away where no one could ever harm her again. She sighed. “I can’t tell you what to do or think. As someone who knows and loves you, I think that you’ve wanted this for a long time and that even if it eventually goes wrong, you’ll regret not taking this opportunity, especially since Death Eaters are still at large. But ultimately, this is your decision, and I will support you no matter what you choose.”
There. That was truthful and kind.
She was quiet for several moments. “I’ll talk to Lavender and Hermione and Neville first,” she said finally. “But … yeah. You’re right. I don’t want to go to Hogwarts. I’ll chafe there, after the year we’ve had.”
Padma smiled softly. “You will. Why them, though?”
Parvati shrugged. “Lav’s my best friend, and I want her opinion. Hermione isn’t taking the Aurors’ offer, though she’s helping out, so I want that perspective. Neville was our leader this year, and he’s joining too, so it’ll be helpful.”
“Fair enough.” Pleased, she turned to leave, but her sister caught her.
“Oh, itni jaldi nahi.” She spoke. “I’m not wasting this parchment. You’re writing to Parkinson.”
“You don’t even like her!” Padma exclaimed, trying to get out of the grip.
“I don’t. But you care for her. You’ve liked her since before the Yule Ball, and honestly, you’ve pined enough.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” she muttered sullenly. “She was all gaga for Malfoy.”
“And she’s been gaga for you since we were kids,” Parvati said firmly. “Write.”
Padma sighed and obeyed. Her sister could be right once in a while, she supposed.
5.
“What happened between you and Pansy?” Parvati asked curiously.
“Pucho mat,” Padma grumbled.
“I’ve never seen you two fight,” she needled. “Ma says you told her to make Pansy go away! What did she do? Is it to do with us going to muggle school? Is it to do with Hogw--?”
“It’s none of your business, Parvati. Chup re.” She snapped. Her sister looked hurt. “Sorry.” She sighed and wrapped an arm around her. “I’m just really, really mad at her. You’re right, it’s about Hogwarts.”
“Maybe we’ll find a new best friend at Hogwarts,” Parvati suggested.
“She’s still my best friend!” Padma exclaimed, panicked at the thought that she wasn’t. Did the fight mean – were they not friends any longer? But she couldn’t! Maybe she should apologize. . .?
“Woah, Padma, calm down.” Parvati said. She swung her legs. “Pansy adores you. You’ll be friends again in no time.”
“But she was very bad to me,” Padma argued, remembering the cutting things Pansy had said.
“You’re the one who still wants to be friends.” Padma crossed her arms and pouted at that, since it was undeniable. “But soch, Padma, we’re finally going to Hogwarts!” She crowed. “Only one month left! It’ll be sooooo much fun!” She said in a sing-song voice.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Padma laughed. She’d think about Pansy later. Something occurred to her. “Did dad tell you how they Sort us?”
“Noooo,” her sister whined. “He says it’s tradition that first years go in without knowing.”
Padma huffed. “How can not knowing something be considered a tradition? It’s ridiculous.”
Parvati considered. “I don’t know. It seems adventurous, right? Going in without all the information.”
“It’s reckless,” she corrected primly. “I don’t like it.”
“Don’t worry,” Parvati comforted. “Dad said it’ll be in alphabetical order, so you’ll be called before me. And then I’ll just make sure we end up in the same place.” She nodded confidently.
“Wait, what?” Padma asked, bewildered. “Why would you do that?”
Parvati looked at her like she was crazy. “So we’re together, obviously! I mean, we’re twins. We’re similar enough that we can end up in the same house.”
“No you won’t,” Padma said sharply. “It’s a personality-based test. You’re going where you’re told to. You can’t argue just to be with me.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not right, Parv! You can’t just—”
Her sister’s eyes were filled with tears. “If you don’t want to be with me, you should just say it.”
“Waise mat bolo! It’s not that. It’s just—if you’re good for one house, and you insist that you want to be with me, maybe it’ll be bad for you! Maybe the house I’m in will treat you badly or something,” she fretted. “You should be somewhere where you can thrive and grow well.”
“But we’ve always been together,” Parvati whispered, slightly mollified at the reassurance.
“And we’ll still be!” Padma nodded determinedly. “If they say people from separate houses can’t be friends, we’ll just prove them wrong. I love proving people wrong.”
“Maybe if you were ever right, you could do it more often,” Parvati teased, now looking happy. Padma stuck her tongue out at her.
“Kids! If you want any pakoras or kachoris you need to come down now!” Ma called.
“Coming!” They both howled back.
“I get more than you, ‘cause you said you didn’t want to be with me!”
“No you won’t, you little--!”
+1.
“And the two of you will leave, of course,” Dad said, looking expectantly at them.
Parvati scoffed and laughed out loud. Padma simply stared at their parents.
“No, we’re not,” Parvati said confidently.
“Beta,” Ma said with trepidation. “You have to! This is—" she wrung her hands together, and Padma felt a stirring of sympathy. “This is the battle of the century! The ultimate one, if Harry Potter is here.”
“Exactly,” Parvati exhaled. “Which is why we’re fighting. We can’t all run away or give up.” Padma looked away, unable to shake off the feeling of pointing her wand at her – whatever Pansy was to her.
“Not all of us, but you can,” Dad said angrily. “You have no responsibility to be here, no reason to—”
“No responsibility or reason?” Padma asked incredulously. “Of course we do! This is our school. It’s our home. Most of our friends are here. We’re fighting.”
Parvati smiled proudly. Their parents paled at their more reasonable daughter arguing too. They looked stricken.
Dad scoffed. “Don’t tell me you’ve gotten sucked into the Gryffindor heedless glory-hound mentality too, Padma.” It probably would’ve stung them more if he hadn’t looked so utterly and completely terrified.
“It’s not about the glory,” Parvati started.
“It’s about justice and what’s right,” Padma added.
“And fighting for it,”
“And for a world in which we want to live and grow up in.”
“It’s about love—” She thought of Pansy, who was so terrified, and of Anthony, setting his jaw and remaining at the Ravenclaw table.
“And about friendship and togetherness—”
“And because someone has to fight him, and the ugliness and the prejudice of our world and I am a Gryffindor and we do not run.”
“And I am a Ravenclaw and I know when to stand and fight.” Padma finished.
She wondered if this was how Fred and George felt all the time, with how they completed one another’s sentences. Unity and love and understanding swirled within them as they locked eyes.
Their parents looked defeated. Ma sniffed and wiped her eyes with a hanky she’d produced out of nowhere. Dad looked helpless, and yet so proud.
“I don’t know what we did to raise such amazing children,” he said quietly. “And while I certainly wish you had an ounce of self-preservation, well—” he smiled sadly.
“So where do we get our marching orders, generals?” Ma asked, and suddenly, she wasn’t Ma who scolded them and healed their cuts and baked and roamed around with frizzy hair and bargained with (yelled at) shopkeepers. She was the MLEP captain, who had won medals for her actions in the First War.
“Great Hall,” Parvati said, similarly struck.
As they walked, Lavender came over, said hi to their parents and started jabbering on with Parvati about something Padma didn’t care to feign interest in.
Anthony caught sight of her from where he was talking to Terry and Ernie, and came over. “Staying, then?” He asked quietly.
The corner of her mouth ticked up. “Naturally.”
He grinned. “Glad to hear it.”
The Great Hall was still teeming with underage stragglers, and Order of the Phoenix members giving commands, and roars of delight at seeing old friends and alumni.
Padma knew how to pick her battles, and this was one she was proud to be fighting in.
Her sister slipped her hand in hers as they waited to be assigned to their groups. “Love you,” she whispered. “Baadme, behena.”
“Love you too, behena.”
Hindi guide:
Dekho = See
Meri jaan = My life; an endearment
Narak = hell
Mujhe pata hai = I know
Behen = sister
Tu mujhe mazaa karne kabhi deti hi nahi = You never let me have any fun
Do saal = two years
Talab = Lake
Nahi = No
Mein ne bola mein madat karoongi = I said I will help
Khatarnak = Dangerous
Kaise = How
Bilkul = Of course
Agni yajna = Fire sacrifice
Matharchod and Chutiya = Swear words
Sach bol = Tell the truth
Itni jaldi nahi = Not so fast
Pucho mat = Don’t ask
Chup re = Keep quiet
Soch = Think
Waise mat bolo = Don’t say that
Pakoras and Kachoris = Fried snacks
Beta = child
Badme = Later
The length got away with me. Again. Though much more, this time. I swear, only the first part was meant to be posted.
The moments here mirror one another: 1st and +1 are Padma agreeing and disagreeing with their parents, 2nd and 5th are promising to be together and yet taking their own paths, and 3rd and 4th are Padma stopping Parvati from fighting and encouraging her to fight.
The Padma/Pansy thing started with the Parvati-and-Pansy-knew-one-another-before-Hogwarts theory, and went into me contemplating inter-house relationships, especially romantic, in the times of the war. Also, since Padma means flower and Pansy is a name of a flower it seemed cute. Of course, by that logic Padma and Lavender would make a cute pairing too, and I did consider that, but I thought that a Padma/Lavender rivals to lovers fic featuring Ron and Parvati friendship where they bemoan how their sister and best mate are in love deserved its own separate fic. And since I apparently have no self-control, I’ll probably be writing that too.
Padma and Anthony being besties who nerd out with one another is my new headcanon.
Feedback appreciated!
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