#why does he look so disappointed though???? did he want a tiger one instead?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leviiattacks · 3 years

Note

ceo levi falling in love?

author note :: THIS WAS SM FUN TO WRITE?? levi in the modern world is just always enjoyable for me. anyways it’s just lots of shy ceo levi and secretary reader :-) as always requests are open feel free to stop by !! :D word count :: some how i got to 2.4k,,,, i promise it was an accident it doesn’t feel that long

levi falls in love slowly. he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until he looks at you one day during a company meeting and is unable to understand why he can’t take his eyes off you

usually he’s able to shift his focus away but he’s stuck in place despite his efforts to look away

the entire meeting is him occasionally humming his approval at all the proposals and prospective business plans being presented to him

when, truly he is NOT listening at all. he’s trying to figure out when the hell and why the hell he began to feel this way for you.

it gets to a point where he’s so distracted over it he ends the team meeting early

everyone in the room exchanges worried glances between each other.

mr ackerman, letting them leave early? that’s a first but HEY!! they’ll take it!!

as everyone disperses out of the room he’s sitting with his back hunched in his plush office chair when he then comes to the realization that he has no idea when he did fall for you,,,,, it just sorta happened????

well, you are basically around him 24/7 and help him with everything but, his newfound feelings still catch him by surprise

at first he’s scared. the feeling is odd and the way his chest tightens as he speaks to you doesn’t feel right at all.

“any specific type of tea for today?” you ask waiting for his response

the rope squeezes at his heart and he squirms around a little.

“u-um, the usual is just fine”

WHY DID HE TRIP OVER HIS WORDS...??

WHY...????

but AGAIN he ignores it, he knows it’s for the best if he doesn’t get emotionally involved with you.

for the record, levi’s definition of emotionally involved is dating you, he doesn’t know that despite not dating you he is very much still emotionally involved with you

he’s pretty good at hiding his feelings though and the fact he likes you goes unnoticed by literally everyone

well, it does stay that way for a little while

that is until someone else expresses interest in you.

it’s a normal friday evening but for some unknown reason he can’t stop himself from clenching his jaw when he walks past you and overhears jean the new head of marketing ask if you’re single

levi is stood behind you and turns to hand his chilling stare to jean who slowly notices. he looks like his knees are about to buckle. “?,&:£:& sorry for asking,,, i’ll...... get going......”

levi just grunts in annoyance glaring at him even as he scurries out the hallway.

you turn to look at him and happily smile “ahhh thank you, i didn’t know how to turn him down he just joined the team so you know, it was weird he asked that”

levi just nods and tells you to get back to work and he hears you squeak out a “yepyepyep!!!”

levi is also very in denial about the way he feels

one day it’ll be “yeah i like y/n” the next it’s “no i do not...that is literally SO stupid. me??? in love?? never.”

also, when you accidentally brush past his skin he can’t help but tense up slightly and look anywhere but where you’re touching him

one time you place a hand on his forehead to check on his temperature because you do not trust him to be honest about having a fever

the scent of your vanilla perfume it’s sweet and simple but it makes him feel incredibly shy for no reason at all

GOD.

he feels like a stupid flustered school boy

ALL THIS OVER SOME PERFUME??

the man can’t even handle looking you in the eye. he’s reading his paperwork acting as nonchalant as possible when he’s really just freaking out

is my forehead sweaty?

fuck, fuck, fuck how do i look up close?

his thoughts are so jumbled up he doesn’t know how to respond to you when you ask if he’s really doing okay

“your cheeks are bright red, maybe you do have a fever?” you’re frowning and rummaging through your bag hoping to find something to help his pounding headache

but all he’s doing as he sits at his desk is nervously opening and closing his pen by the lid

he can’t tell if his face is red because he’s ill or because he likes you

and it’s driving him CRAZY??

wait a second.

does he like you? or does he like-like you?? or does he lo- no he does not love you that is absurd

what really cements his feelings for you is the day he’s unable to reel his mouth back in.

he just starts rambling about everything that has been stressing him out recently

the new company merger, developing new product designs, reviewing humongous stacks of paperwork, attending all these long meetings

he is being driven to his breaking point and you stand there taking it all in

“hey, take the day off.” your soft voice cuts him off mid sentence and he looks at you like you just told him to curl up into a ball and die

take a day off???? he does not have the time to take a day off??

he assumes you’re frustrated by his behaviour and begins to apologize. “i’m sorry that was unprofessional i shouldn’t have don-”

“i’ll finish the paperwork. your next meeting is scheduled for tomorrow. it’s okay to take a breather.” you pick up the stack of documents and move to transfer them over to your desk

but levi is persistent.

he stands in your way and you look at him expecting him to step out

“there is no need for that.” his tone is firm but you’re still defiant

“it’s my job as your secretary to alleviate your workload.” you don’t even spare him a glance and he feels like he’s burdening you now

sure, you are his secretary but allowing you to complete all that work on your own is ludicrous

waltzing around him you beeline towards your desk but again he steps in your way interjecting your path

“lev-”

your face morphs into a mortified expression and you panic, you did not just call him by his first name AT WORK

“i mean,” [insert an anxious yet deliberate cough] “mr ackerman.”

“listen, i understand you’re very stressed sir but i’ll finish the work off so please rest up. you need to be refreshed for tomorrow’s company dinner with the investors.”

you’re pleading he takes your advice but all he can do is blink in confusion

you would do that for him???

are you really just diligent and caring or,,, does he maybe have a chance at asking you out?

but again as quick as the idea enters his head it leaves.

asking you out sounds absurd to him, you deserve way better than someone like him

levi is having another one of his jealous moments

you’ve latched yourself onto reiner braun’s arm at the company dinner and he turns away frustrated

you look really pretty

like,,, sUPER pretty

like,,, drop dead gorgeous

he clears his throat when you both make eye contact

you perk up a little and your hand raises to wave at him but levi is so horrible at interacting with you he ends up ignoring you completely...

the pit of fire in his stomach flares up when he hears reiner compliment you, he’s surprised you even accept it and thank him

now, levi is not annoyed because you don’t deserve the compliment.

no, no, no you deserve all the compliments under the sun as far as he’s concerned but what the hell does “you look way better than normal.” even mean??

he thinks you look pretty every day so he’s just a tad bit offended by it

and he only begins to realize he’s in too deep when he sees the way reiner is getting a little too handsy for his liking

he doesn’t interrupt by saying anything even though he really wants to, you seem to not mind reiner’s touch

so he won’t step in between that, it’s not even any of his business

but it certainly doesn’t stop his displeasure from being blatantly obvious and displayed on his face

“ahhh mr ackerman, if it isn’t a pleasure to see you?”

levi hears an investor greet him but his eyes are glued on you.

you’re laughing so hard at one of braun’s jokes and he feels the same flame in his stomach.

it’s rising and reaches his chest igniting once again and he narrows his eyes finally looking away

he’s not going to spare you another glance this entire evening instead he’ll occupy himself with business talk

“mr acker-”

spinning on his heel he twists around and is face to face to with one of his close sponsors erwin smith

he smiles and the two shake hands discussing new company developments and shared work stress before some how shifting to each other's personal lives

“seeing anyone?” erwin’s question makes levi stiffen and his eyes flick towards where you were just standing a while ago

you’re no longer there but he spots you a little further away now sitting alone

you look a little lost and he feels a sudden and strong magnetism

he wants to approach you to talk so badly, and as his eyes scan around the room he sees reiner occupying himself in a suggestive conversation with a lady from HR

she’s definitely trying to flirt and he’s reciprocating easily

oh, so you’ve been ditched...?

is reiner OK???

first the backhanded compliment

now he’s ditching YOU???

it makes levi feel a little angry and frustrated

he doesn’t even notice at first because he’s so deep in thought but erwin leans in to whisper in his ear. “i know that look, go talk to your crush.”

“we’re much too old for you to be using the term crush. it makes it sound childish.” levi grumbles before taking a sip from his wine glass

“i’ll go keep my secretary company. i’ve spoke to most of the other investors it should be okay.” the statement is more of a question but smith nods in response

“it’ll be more than okay, go get em’ tiger!” erwin lands a light punch onto levi’s shoulder and he grins before walking away

to levi’s disappointment he’s unable to speak to you

you end up getting dragged into conversation with some of the other employees and he doesn’t see you again

so much for talking to you, he couldn’t even get within a meters radius

he’s now out on the balcony for a breathe of fresh air, the past few hours have consisted of tedious and forced small talk with an investor’s daughter

her father has been BEGGING levi, even bribing him to consider marrying her but levi rejects every single time

there’s nothing wrong with the girl really

she’s well educated and quite pretty but... that’s all he knows about her?

AND no one beats you, even though he’s still kinda in denial about liking you

hell, not like that part matters he doesn’t even know the girl’s name what does her dad expect from him?

was it sharron? shana? he forgot her name as soon as it was said

much to levi’s dismay he hears an unexpected giggle behind him and then an arm slinks over his shoulder, the investor’s daughter has followed him out and is now pressing her chest against him awaiting a reaction

frankly, he wants to push her off BUT he’ll be in big trouble and lose a key sponsor if he handles this incorrectly

“could you please distance yourself?” he tries to intimidate the younger girl away with the bitter tone of his voice but it only seems to motivate her

“feisty one aren’t you?” she’s looking up at him through her lashes and her poor attempt at looking appealing only makes levi internally face palm

her index finger is drawing circles into his tie and he feels his breath hitch due to how uncomfortable she’s making him

“please move.” he requests for her to listen once again and he’s now taken a step back but she only follows and keeps her firm grip on his tie

she doesn’t seem to be letting up and there’s nothing he can really do about it.

he guesses he’ll just wait till she gets bored but the time passes at an excruciatingly slow rate

in this fifteen minute duration she’s played around with his hair which has SERIOUSLY annoyed him because he took time to style it

and he thought it looked pretty cool

now she’s only pushed and pushed further and further into his chest and he can feel her hot icky breath hit his neck

the veins in his forehead are twitching in expanding irritation and he doesn’t know how much more of this he can tolerate

“you’re making him uncomfortable.” levi’s head snaps to the right and there you are still as beautiful as the last time he saw you

your arms crossed over your chest and you’re looking the girl up and down

“and who might you be?” the way she scoffs seems to be enough to piss you off because your face morphs into a scowl.

big Yikes...you’re mad

“leave him alone.”

“you must be of no importance, we have no time for-”

“step away before i make a report on the grounds of sexual harassment.”

you flip your phone out smirk plastered across your face

“it’s all been recorded. know your place.” you’re unyielding and even levi is thinking??? wow??? you know how to not be nice??? because well, he’s never seen you this mad

just as you expect she barges out in a fury (not before flicking you off), you’ve left her brimming with rage and you feel rather proud of yourself

you release a content sigh

“do i get a raise for saving you or what?” you dryly jab

he’s always loved your straightforward jokes, they align perfectly with his blunt humour

he murmurs his appreciative thanks

“are you enjoying yourself?” he asks the question eager to know what your answer is

it’s another way he knows he’s falling way too deep for his liking

he never asks anyone else these trivial questions

“enjoyable. although reiner is a little.” you pause to find the correct words

“he just made me a little uncomfy, he’s very extroverted so i felt out of place. thankfully he’s preoccupied himself elsewhere.” the same lonely look from before returns to your face

yeah, it is kinda sucky to have your date ditch you

“you don’t have to tolerate-” levi starts then stops.

you’ve leant in to hear him after saying you can’t hear much over the hustle and bustle from inside

“the- i mean- what i’m trying to say is” he looks at you completely stunned trying to piece together what he wants to say

wOWIE!!!! you literally look so stunning up close he can not formulate a sentence, he has officially LOST IT

the words he say next fly out of his mouth after a lengthy internal struggle “fuck. what i’m saying is, what i mean is, you could always come as my date next time.”

now you’re the one looking at him stupefied.

again, he’s looking anywhere but at you

the closest he gets to it is taking a glimpse of your dress,

it’s black and suits you well with the little ruffles and all.

“i’d love that.”

the tips of his ears grow red in embarrassment but... YOU ACCEPTED???

NOW. levi is giddy on the inside but makes no move to make it obvious instead he opts to scratch his neck and give you an awkward thumbs up

you take note of his body language and the possible realization dawns on you

but you can’t really tell if it’s the doing of alcohol

either way you grab onto his suit and begin to lead the way back into the main hall

“may as well start being my date now? not like reiner’s coming back any time soon” he can’t see your face but he can tell you’re smiling as you speak

levi’s cheeks are bright red but he thanks the chilly night air and darkness for hiding the way he’s reacting

he won’t confess just yet, it’s too early and again he’s in major denial but when staring at the hand that holds onto his suit jacket his heart tingles a little

more like a LOT...

but really whatever it is the two of you have got going on right now it weirdly makes the both of you feel weak at the knees

to be honest, levi enjoys it

and so do you :-)

#levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #levi x reader #levi x y/n #attack on titan levi #attack on titan #levi fluff #leviiattacks #modern levi #ceo levi #levi scenario #levi headcanons #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #levi drabbles

685 notes · View notes

canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 25 part two

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Jin Jerks Continued

Jin Furen is all judgy about Wei Wuxian, so it's hard to like her, since WWX is our protagonist and whatnot. But! Jin Furen is actually totally awesome. She adores Jiang Yanli and takes sides with her against her own son. She knows he likes Yanli and works her ass off to do all the courting for him, since he sucks at it, rather than picking a random wife for him and sticking him with her choice. She's always gentle with Yanli in her tone and body language. And Jin Zixuan had to get his good side from somebody.

Wei Wuxian politely tells Jin Furen that it's all over (again/still) between Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, and cousin Jin Zixun rushes up to argue with him, saying he's being too proud and that he shouldn't talk to Jin Furen that way, since she is his senior. Wei Wuxian, still politely, explains the clan politics that underlie every one of these Zixuan-Yanli interactions. As a matter of clan pride, the Jiang Clan can't allow Yanli to be insulted.

Cousin Jin Zixun immediately goes all in on the clan rivalry, beefing with Wei Wuxian about how much prey he caught. Everybody forgets all about Yanli's situation while they talk about the hunt results instead.

The Jin cultivators--parroting what they heard from Jin Guangyao--say that Wei Wuxian has flute-walked 30 percent of the prey into nets by himself. Lan Wangji actually decides to react to something, saying "30 percent? and giving Wei Wuxian such a series of LOOKS, oh my god.

This Wangxian moment is an important one, I think, because it shows where Lan Wangji's priorities are, and they're...wrong. He's continually telling Wei Wuxian "be good," in one way or another; trying to help him back to the correct way of being a cultivator. Meanwhile the Lans are totally fine with the Jins being murderous shits who feel entitled to insult high-ranking ladies.

CJZX continues to snipe at Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji continues to judge WWX for being unsportsmanlike.

(more after the cut!)

Wei Wuxian says that he's just showing his capability, and CJZX tries to tell him both that 1. he's practicing evil cultivation and 2. he's just playing the flute. WWX offers him Chenqing and says "show me your capability" which I think is cultivator speak for "fight me, bitch."

Cousin Jin Zixun moves the goalposts, saying that Wei Wuxian broke the rules, and starts in with class-based dogwhistling, saying "it's understandable that you don't know the rules," and citing examples of Wei Wuxian’s previous bad manners at cultivation events.

Things escalate and pretty soon Wei Wuxian is yelling at everybody, threatening to tell them why he doesn't carry his sword, (which would actually clear up SO much) and saying he's going to beat them all using necromancy whatever is just this side of necromancy.

Cousin Jin Zixun tosses his birth status at him, and then it's ON. Scary music, shaking fist, Chenqing booting up...

Lan Wangji, who has been singularly unhelpful since CJZX started talking, suddenly forgets his judginess as he's swept into motion by his constant fear of whatever is going to happen next time Wei Wuxian loses his temper.

He rushes to Wei Wuxian’s side, grabs his wrist, says his name, and wills him to chill the fuck out. Jiang Yanli joins him, grabbing Wei Wuxian's other arm, and Wei Wuxian manages to get control of himself.

Queen Yanli

Yanli has had it, and she has Wei Wuxian stand behind her while she goes to politely reduce Cousin Jin Zixun to a heap of smoldering cinders.

First she recaps CJZX's accusations against Wei Wuxian; says she doesn't know a lot about the hunt, and apologizes formally on her brother’s behalf. WWX says "Shijie!" but she shakes her head at him and he shuts up.

CJZX laughs and tells her, in a tone designed to infuriate Wei Wuxian even further, that Wei Wuxian doesn’t rate her apologizing on his behalf, and says that their clans are like family; reinforcing WWX's outsider status. I don't think CJZX is taking orders from Jin Guangyao, because he's way too big of a snob for that, but he's definitely helping JGY to move his agenda forward.

Even Lan Wangji is having trouble staying cool during this exchange; he is focused on keeping Wei Wuxian in check but he’s also angry himself, judging from what his neck is doing here, anyway. *Stares at his neck for way too long*

Wei Wuxian is super upset about Jiang Yanli apologizing, and he’s unable to hold back tears, even with Lan Wangji using the power of extreme staring to help him.

Jiang Yangli is nowhere near finished, though and she turns around and proceeds to tell everyone that they suck, that it's not Wei Wuxian's fault if he's more talented than everybody else, and that they are just making up rules because they are a bunch of losers.

Clan Leader Yao has the nerve to say that they know the rules "in their hearts" which is just another class-based dogwhistle.

Yanli defends Wei Wuxian's cultivation method to everybody, saying it's something he worked at and put effort into--that it's different, not wrong. She's literally the only person who defends his cultivation style, even though they all have benefited from it.

Then she gets right up in Cousin Jin Zixun's face and tells him that it's not ok for him to insult WWX by calling him the son of a servant, and she wants CJZX to apologize. (full gifset here) All of the Jins and Captain Blowhard Clan Leader Yao are SHOCKED at this idea. Jin Furen tries to talk Yanli down but Yanli politely nopes her away, so JFR tells CJZX to apologize.

He's saved from having to actually do it by the arrival of Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen, who jump down off a box fly over to find out what's wrong.

Jin Furen yells at smiley, blinkey Jin Guangyao, telling him he should be able to figure out what's wrong, saying "aren't you good at judging the situation," i.e. aren't you a conniving little creep? She's bitchy but she's not wrong.

When the "30 percent" thing is explained again, Lan Xichen gives Wei Wuxian the same Lan Glare of Sportsmanship Disappointment that his brother did.

Lan Xichen: It's fine for my boyfriend's obviously power-hungry family to insult my brother's war-hero best friend in a bid to reduce his social status, but him using magic powers in our magical creature hunt is super wrong.

Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen explain that they're going to open up more area for the hunt, but it's too late to make Cousin Jin Zixun happy. He takes his ball and goes home.

The Breaking of the Fellowship

The remaining group stroll slowly through the woods, Jin Furen and Jiang Yanli together, while Wei Wuxian walks at a bit of a distance and Jin Zixuan follows right behind his mother. His mother offers to beat him to make Jiang Yanli feel better. See? Perfect Mother-in-Law material.

Jiang Yanli tries to leave again, and is stopped again. This time Jin Furen tries to convince her to come back to the stands to sit with her and Jin Zixuan, and not to go with Wei Wuxian. First she tries saying that it's not appropriate for her and Wei Wuxian to be alone together. Yanli shuts that right down, saying that Wei Wuxian is her didi. Then Jin Furen says that Wei Wuxian has "strong wicked energy" and that he may do something evil. Like fighting back when he is ambushed on his way to a party.

Jiang Yanli repeats that Wei Wuxian is her didi, and says that she'll never leave him. JFR keeps trying but Wei Wuxian steps up and takes Yanli by the wrist and goes to lead her away. Jin Zixuan finally, FINALLY admits that he likes Jiang Yanli.

He is embarrassed, Jiang Yanli is delighted, and Lan Xichen is amused.

Jin Zixuan runs away and Jiang Yanli agrees to go back to Jinlintai with Jin Furen. Wei Wuxian is super immature unhappy about it....

....but he accepts her decision, in a nearly wordless exchange that we’ll see echoes of much later, between him and Lan Wangji. (Exceptionally cruel gifset here)

Wei Wuxian formally bows to Jin Furen, asking her to take care of his sister. Because he recognizes this for the parting that it is.

Jiang Yanli isn't wrong to make this choice. She deserves to be happy, and married women in this environment can't live with their original family. But she told Wei Wuxian, over and over, that the three of them have to stick together, only to change course and leave him behind with no warning. It’s not even five minutes since she said "I will never leave him." Wei Wuxian isn’t the only person making impossible promises in these parts.

Jiang Cheng and some Jiang cultivators show up, and everyone, including Wei Wuxian, tells Jiang Cheng that he missed an important scene, but nobody will tell him what actually happened.

Wei Wuxian says he's going into town, and he leaves Jiang Cheng behind just as abruptly as Jiang Yanli left him.

Jiang Cheng asks Lan Xichen what happened, and Lan Xichen says "there was an argument but it's mostly smoothed over now; also, Jin Zixuan says he likes your sister." Ha ha ha ha! Of course he does not say that, he says "You should ask your sister at the banquet" and Jin Guangyao says it wouldn't be appropriate for them, as outsiders, to comment.

I would like to see Jiang Cheng respond to this by beating the crap out of them with Zidian for being a couple of coy bitches, but he just furrows his brow.

JGY hangs back from the group for a second to tell JC that WWX is sooooo great, before they all head back to Jinlintai.

Insecurest Boi

As everyone is walking Jiang Cheng hears Captain Blowhard saying that Lotus Pier made a strong impression today, and that they'll be able to recruit a whole lot of disciples. The cultivators are of two opinions about whether having Wei Wuxian is a good thing for a clan.

Then a Jin cultivator says he heard that the Yin tiger amulet is made of the missing piece of Yin iron. He says he overheard it from Jin Guangyao. He says even if it's not for certain, the timing fits. Jiang Cheng reacts to this as if he 100% believes it, because Jiang Cheng is a dumbass sometimes.

He should just frickin’ ask Wei Wuxian about the amulet. Lan Wangji asked where he got it and Wei Wuxian told him, and Jiang Cheng, while they have their issues, is officially on WWX's side, so there’s no reason for WWX not to tell him.

The Jin cultivator goes on to say that the Jiang Clan ain't shit, that all their deeds belong to Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng takes all of this on board totally unfiltered. Literally everything that any Jin cultivator other than MianMian says is propaganda coming from Jin Guangyao, but Jiang Cheng thinks they're friends and doesn't know how to recognize manipulation.

Jiang Cheng is hearing the exact same criticism that Jiang Yanli heard, but he's not equipped to handle it, and instead of fighting back he gets angry at Wei Wuxian. Despite all his recent growth, he is still crushingly insecure, and this is hitting him right in his tenderest spot. Jiang Fengmian has a lot to answer for.

Instant Replacement Sister

Wei Wuxian is off working through his own feelings; he's wandering the street in Lanling with a bottle of wine in hand. Wen Qing, in her red Wen robe and her hooded cloak, is wandering the street in the opposite direction. They pass each other without seeing, in a moment that's excruciating to watch the first time.

But then some Jin cultivators obligingly push her to the ground, and Wei Wuxian, with his beautiful heart of fucking gold, hears someone who needs help and turns around.

For a moment he smiles in recognition, before the smile clouds over. Wen Qing, for her part, looks horrified; perhaps it’s everything she’s going through, but perhaps she can see that he, in his own way, is struggling nearly as much as she is. Meeting with her will galvanize him and give him the life direction he desperately needs.

A Day Late and a Tael Short

Lan Wangji wants to solve Wei Wuxian's problem, but he lacks imagination, so his best idea is to hide him in Cloud Recesses.

Lan Xichen points out that Wei Wuxian might not be on board with that. This conversation is short, but it has some layers, once you know about their parents' relationship. Lan Wangji frowns but doesn't have a second idea.

#the untamed #the untamed gifs #wangxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #clan leader yao #canary3d-original #my gifs #restless rewatch the untamed

215 notes · View notes

chibivesicle · 3 years

Text

Golden Kamuy - Kikuta deserved better - 273-276

As I catch up on things, I’m gonna hit the highlights that really stuck with me. Ogata is able to escape from Vasily using the tactics he observed from the showdown in Barato with Hijikata cutting through random row houses. He’s seriously gotten into Vasily’s head as he hesitated to snipe aggressively after killing the wrong guy with Ogata’s cloak.

The only worthwhile thing from this continued and seriously a no longer interesting plot point, is getting to see Ogata wiggle under a fence like a cat.

So, I approve of this at least. My own cat scores this as an 8/10 in cat wiggling. Minus 2 points for not enough emotion from Ogata’s face.

Thankfully, Asirpa was able to escape with Sofia after Tsukishima gunned down Ariko. It seemed to me that Koito froze/hesitated during that situation. Tsukishima had no problem brutally shooting Ariko at point blank while Koito literally just hung back and watched.

Asirpa is in a state of extreme shock. She just interrogated by Tsurumi to give up the code, watched Ariko be shot and now sees Boutarou’s corpse in the bottle-mobile. Our girl needs years of therapy - she’s reaching the same level as our male cast members at this rate.

At least she breaks down in tears as Sugimoto tries to console her. The artwork for this part of the page is excellent, it really does capture the melting of her mind and how she’s realizing how deadly the gold is.

It ties directly back to her argument with Kikuta before all this shit went down. I’m always giving Sugimoto crap for being a moron, but it seems that he did make the right action by reaching out to allow her to hug his arm. There is that soft look as he gazes down at her and just lets her be emotional. It is clear that his presence is a comfort to her as she takes her time before returning to a more lucid mental state. This is shown by how she opens her eyes and looks up before declaring that they need to meet up with Hijikata since she’s figured out how to crack the code.

Meanwhile, Kikuta rushed Ariko to a clinic to save his life. Being the father figure/older brother he is, he tells him that it isn’t his time to die; he never made that makiri yet! And to my relief, Ariko wakes up! Noda didn’t go for the lazy writing of killing of the minor Ainu character, something I was afraid of.

If his father saved him, it means his makiri was where he was shot in the chest under his uniform. There is a lovely transition about a makiri in a fictional museum that was made by him, implying that he returned home and did make the makiri and likely resolved some of his identity issues, though it was still likely a tough life for him. Ariko apologies for not being able to work as a spy for Central and really it isn’t like he’d be able to do so anyways. But he did verbally point out he’s now politically on the side of someone like Asirpa to fight for their culture and right to exist in spite of colonial powers. The middle panel of Kikuta bidding him farewell just gives me the feels. It is so clear that Kikuta knows he’s toast. He saw Tsukishima shoot Ariko and Tsukishima likely watched him as he tried to save the man.

The fact that he said a casual line about going to an onsen. Ugh, death flag for sure right there. It seems Ariko knows that as he looks forlorn. Kikuta is that sort of suave man who is going to look cool even though he’s doomed; he’s that awesome.

The action returns to Tsurumi at the church having solved the code. With Tsukishima gone off to try to kill Ariko, Koito has remained behind. All of a sudden Koito reverts to his extreme Satsuma accent when addressing Tsurumi in the absence of Tsukishima. I think he didn’t even realize it at first, just like how after they escaped the fight with Boutarou, Koito spoke normally to Tsurumi without realizing it.

It is clear it took him a moment to realize he was speaking ‘Koito’ as Tsurumi is unable to respond to him and he then panics. Koito is more than willing to chase after Tsukishima and support him, but Tsurumi instead recalls him.

At first he consoles himself that everything is okay.

He is trying very hard to convince himself that everything that they witnessed through the keyhole was all an act to get the key! Yes, it isn’t that Tsurumi doesn’t have some sort of awesome goal and this isn’t about how the death of his wife and daughter left him unhinged!

But the other random members of the 27th then comment on how strongly Nikaido reeks of beer . . . and Koito then thinks about how he and Tsukishima were hiding in the room at the church when Tsurumi ‘checked’ that he was alone. And then it hits him - they were also played as a part of the ‘Tsurumi theatre’. Unlike Tsukishima who has whole-heartily given himself over to Tsurumi, it is clear that Koito can’t.

That monologue sounded too good to be true. He weakly says Tsukishima’s name into the rain as he then thinks ‘No . . .’ The rain is really fitting in this scene, I think it really is a stand in for Koito’s own disappointment and tears in this entire crazy quest for the gold. Is he worried about his ‘older’ brother figure? Himself? Both of them?

He continues to try to rationalize the performance that Tsurumi gave them - even if Tsurumi lied to them, it wasn’t all a lie. Oh Koito. I want to give you a hug and pull you away as your little bon-bon-ness has won me over. Most of that speech wasn’t for Koito, it was for Tsukishima. Speaking about helping Japan is what Koito would like to hear but we can tell he doubts that as well. Hence, his waffling.

But then he realizes that as Tsukishima has given so much - all of Tsurumi’s words, even if they were ‘sweet lies’ as he he referred to them on Karafuto, it was just perfect for Tsukishima. However, Koito has broken the spell that Tsurumi held over him. The final page of the chapter of Koito looking at the illuminated Tsurumi and shutting the door on him. It is the exact opposite of when Tsurumi rescued Koito from the kidnappers when in his youth. I now find myself wondering how this relates to the tiger curse. It is clear that the curse for Tsukishima will not end well. After he shot Ariko, his eyes regained their sparkle! Not good, not good at all! However, have I misinterpreted it for Koito that by becoming disillusioned with Tsurumi he will be cursed to be miserable through him gaining independence from his hero worship of Tsurumi? The idea that ignorance is bliss, and now Koito is well in the know. The fact that when he and Tsukishima were sort of on the same page was when he could speak to Tsurumi but now that he’s on a different path from Tsukishima he’s tripped up again.

Chapter 274 finally allows Asirpa to determine the fake skins after what she witnessed with Boutarou in the brewery and thinking about Ainu garments that she figured out that Edogai likely went above and beyond with his fakes. Thanks money counterfeiting guy from the fake Ainu village for the inspiration. It is a lot of pages that tie together other plot points nicely but really doesn’t do anything for me as a reader personally.

The most important point is that as Sugimoto falls asleep while Asirpa and Hijikata work with the skins is that we get another flashback - one that links him to Kikuta!

and even more importantly - Hanazawa Yuusaku! Chapter 275 starts out with an homage to the classic movie ‘Singing in the Rain’. As soon as I saw Sugimoto spinning on a lamp post, it was obvious. Yes, small town boy in the big city - causing trouble. He gets in some sort of brawl with random guys from the army and is ‘rescued’ by Kikuta, who immediately realizes that he’s hungry and decides to treat him to some lunch.

It shows that Sugimoto has a short fuse and is an impulsive youngster. Really, he is lucky that he didn’t do more stupid shit to get him in trouble. We can also clearly see that Kikuta is a member of the 1st Division, the Tokyo based one that Sugimoto eventually enlists with.

Kikuta decides that he wants Sugimoto to impersonate Hanazawa Yuusaku and to go on a marriage interview for him. This is because Hanazawa Hiro, the now identified wife of Hanazawa, is pulling the strings in the background to prevent Yuusaku from becoming a flag bearer.

This then makes us wonder why these two parents have such contrasting expectations for their only son. It makes me think back to my theory that Yuusaku was a pretty poor solider and lacked any skill or potential. Long ago, Tsurumi told Nikaido that Ogata is the ‘true heir’ of Hanazawa inheriting his military and [some] leadership skills as he stood on the watch tower in Barato ordering the random gangsters how to fight effectively. Yuusaku is a disappointment for Hanazawa - he can only save face by having his son become such a symbolic part of the army.

I laughed at the next page where Kikuta confirms that Hiro is colluding with the young heiress to steal Yuusaku’s virginity and thus preventing him from becoming a flag bearer. I love the posture of the terrified Yuusaku!

However, Hiro’s plan has been found out by Hanazawa and he consulted with the leader of the 1st Division to assist him with resolving this unpatriotic and embarrassing issue. Recall that Ogata was born as a result of Hanazawa being posted to Tokyo - this implies that he likely became good friends with the leader of the 1st Division during this time.

To prevent anyone from identifying Sugimoto, he’s the perfect substitute for Yuusaku and changes into Kikuta’s uniform. He’s one of those guys who just has that look. Sugimoto immediately thinks that since he’s been treated well by Kikuta, joining the military might be a good way to find security - in food. However, we get a link of the cap to Kikuta and what appears to be his dying younger brother.

Kikuta looks so sad, like there is something unfortunate with Sugimoto’s statement of food. We don’t get to see his expression, indicating he’s likely hiding his emotions from Sugimoto and instead tells Sugimoto he’s going to have to train him in food etiquette.

He’s presented with some Western cuisine, something that may blow his cover and something that Kikuta didn’t expect as he watches from a tree outside. But again, due to his extreme luck, he’s able to use nervousness as an excuse and it gives him time to state his family his super traditional so they wouldn’t have eaten food like this. When he’s removed the cap, Kaneko Kaeko is smitten with his handsome face. He can use his excuse as a way to have an out for not knowing how to eat that tasty ebi fry (why to I hear ‘ebi fry’ in Nyanko-sensei’s voice?).

As she explains the fancy places she’s dined at, Sugimoto thinks about how he was living off of cat food. Cue another reason why he just hates on Ogata, since he was stealing food from Ogata’s people!

The rest of the dinner goes well, and Kikuta checks in with him. Meanwhile, our wealthy heiress is completely smitten with him!

As Sugimoto mulls over the idea of a somewhat arranged marriage as a negative he spills the beans about Toraji and Umeko. And Kikuta isn’t having any of his bullshit. I love how Kikuta points out how selfish and downright stupid Sugimoto is being in all of this. Kikuta gives Sugimoto good advice - which he’s clearly still never followed.

He makes it clear that he’s got to give up on that hometown and move on. Which will be completely ignored as Toraji will end up in the 1st Division with Sugimoto in the trenches. I’m now wondering how Toraji and Sugimoto reconnected. Hrrrmmmmm? Is this something that Sugimoto encouraged and that’s why he has all of these unresolved emotions about Toraji’s death in the war?

The chapter reveals to us that Tsukishima’s love ended up marrying the cousin of Kaeko, making Tsukishima’s acceptance of her ‘death’ even more heartbreaking as he thought that Tsurumi had lied to him about her fate. [weeps bitterly].

As Kikuta and Sugimoto discuss what appears to be Yuusaku’s lack of a free will, he’s told not to meddle in others concerns. What does Sugimoto do? The man just can’t keep to himself and he goes and finds Yuusaku to confront him. He wants to know if Yuusaku wants to be a flag bearer even though it is a death sentence. How does that conversation go? Just how we’d expect with all of the information we know about Yuusaku.

I love how he’s like it isn’t to meet my father’s expectations! It is because understand my father’s convictions and fight for my country. Okay, you keep telling yourself that Yuusaku, but it still sounds like you are doing this for your father, you know tomay-to, tomah-to. Sugimoto mulls over what Yuusaku would choose if given the choice. I just sigh as we know enough about Yuusaku’s backstory that the man only does what his father says - with great conviction. All of our Ogata flashbacks have made this so clear, Yuusaku is a doomed man from the moment he entered the army. Maybe even a doomed man from his birth even. Perhaps, he’s acutely aware of this, but based on how freakkin’ awkward he’s with Ogata and his older brother actions, I continue to think he’s not the brightest bulb in the pack and can only be used as a patriotic pawn.

Yuusaku then becomes suspicious of Sugimoto’s line of inquiry and realizes that he’s got Kikuta’s cap.

Not sure how to respond, he runs away and we learn that Kikuta’s younger brother died of illness during the first Sino-Japanese war. That same war that killed Koito’s older brother and that Tsurumi and Tsukishima fought in as well. With the statement of illness, I know what most likely killed Kikuta’s younger brother - malnutrition - specifically beri beri. As the Japanese military rapidly modernized using European models, they ran into an issue with many soldiers and sailors dying of some sort of mysterious illness and it wasn’t something that impacted the Westerners at all. Most of this has to do with the ability to eat white rice which was much more processed. It made it more expensive, but was nutritionally bad for men who came from lower incomes or poverty. Remember how stoked Asirpa was when she ate white rice all the way back at the herring fishery? If anyone has read “House of Five Leaves” by Natsume Ono, you’d know the protagonist is a poor ronin and he falls ill due to beri beri. The solution was to return to the countryside/hometown to eat a more diverse diet. For a more detailed explanation of how bad this was for the Japanese military check out the video by Linfamy on youtube here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzIBpFDRr5g

The video even highlights the fierce (and counterproductive) competition between the Army and Navy which has already been well defined through Koito’s backstory. The chapter ends with Sugimoto dropping the cap and the polite man who picks it up for him is Tsurumi with Ogata, Usami and Tsukishima in Tokyo. The plot thickens . . . somehow Sugimoto got mixed up in the business of the 27th and apparently Tokyo isn’t a vast city that you can get lost in and everyone knows everyone. Like how I was on flight to Saskatoon and the man next to me started up a conversation how he was from Burlington and went to Guelph and my friend who I was going to visit was also from Burlington and went to Guelph it is a small world kinda moment and in agriculture. I digress though. Things are starting to pull back together but I’m still not 100% on with this plot direction/story arc.

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy meta #sugimoto saichi #ogata hyakunosuke #asirpa #ariko rikimatsu #ipopote #warrant officer kikuta #tsukishima hajime #koito otonoshin #hanazawayuusaku #hanazawakoujiro #hanazawa hiro #kaneko kaeko #Usami Tokishige

71 notes · View notes

nymphigeon · 3 years

Text

From me, to you || 07

♤ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

♤ Genre: fluff, angst, romance, hybrid au, hybrid!Taehyung, detective!reader

♤ Words: 2.5k

♤ Rating: PG-13

♤ Warnings (for this chapter): Mentions of hybrid abuse, swearing.

♤ A/N: Surprise! I'm really sorry it took me this long, but I finally found the time and drive to write again :) Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Synopsis: A story in which he has never known love, so you’ll give it to him.

Series masterlist

06 07

"What do you mean this hybrid doesn't exist?"

Her eyes are wavering with an unspoken fear, perhaps caused by the bitterness my questions holds. I'm not happy, and she knows.

“It’s just, the chance that a dangerous breed such as the tiger hybrid would escape our system is basically zero..” The gaze she held on the computer screen unsurely moves my way. My expression must've instilled another layer of anxiety to the already existing one, as her mouth abruptly stops moving and her pupils dilate.

“Go on, explain.” The tone of my voice softens a bit as I notice her visible discomfort worsening. Even if there is no way that I’ll get any information from this place regarding Taehyung and his owner, I would still like to know why they’re both not showing up here.

Eun-ji takes a few deep breaths to stabilize her voice. As she does her posture slowly relaxes just a little and her eyes lose some of the nervousness they held before. “Because the first ‘successful’ tiger hybrid ran rampant after killing their creator, anyone who still breeds or creates them is being watched very closely by us, as well as by some other institutions.”

Perhaps it’s my lack of reaction that causes her to trail off at the end. Though I’m not judging her or her story, unlike she may think. To encourage her to continue, I give her a nod, tilting my head to show interest.

“The regular citizen isn’t even allowed to have one, needing special training to handle them. It’s like that for most hybrids that find their origins in wild animals. Creating tiger hybrids obviously requires a lot of knowledge when it comes to playing with genes and breeding them…. Well there are only three organization that are authorized to do so. All the resulting hybrids are registered and chipped.”

The explanation, which turns out to be a lengthy one, gets broken by a shuddering breath leaving her lips. She composes herself, clinging on to the little confidence she has left in her line of work to speak about the rest of her clarification.

“Of course people have tried to do it themselves, but those d.i.y operations have always ended in disappointment. If not taken proper care of, with substances only a board certified hybrid doctor can provide you, the pregnancy will fail. These are no easy practices they are dealing with.”

After the girls’ last words I give myself some time to think, letting a silence full of tension fill the room. It must be obvious that my mind is somewhere else at the moment, as the other girl in the room does her best to stay quiet. I don’t need much time however, my thoughts having quickly rearranged themselves as they were trained to do.

“So what you’re saying is, since tiger hybrids are hard to ‘create’, if you will, there are only a few people who actually manage to bring them to life. And so those few people are kept under close watch, as are the hybrids they successfully wake, am I correct?”

Eun-ji nods affirmatively, clearly happy that I seem to understand the situation. “So there is absolutely no way that someone without authorization has had a decent attempt at either genetically merging a human together with a tiger or getting a tiger hybrid pregnancy to be successful?”

Perhaps there might be a bit of scepticism in the question I asked, as her attitude immediately changes into a defensive one. “There is not! Whatever hybrid you’re searching for either gave you a false identity or is not a tiger hybrid at all, which would seem rather unlikely. I told you they get chipped right? Why not go look into that.”

“He doesn’t have one. We already had a hospital take a look at him, they didn’t find anything. ” The statement seems to shock her, the gears in her head instantly turning as to find an answer to this riddle. She however can’t seem to get one.

“They can be removed, can they not? They’re just under the skin. If someone decided to just cut it out they could. Terrifying, but plausible. Either that or one of your faithful authorized employees has been leaking information to outsiders.”

This is where Eun-ji seems to give up. Her shoulders sagging and a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “There would still be the problem of the missing equipment, test subjects, practice… How would you even get hold of fertilized human eggs to play around with? But I guess that wouldn’t be totally impossible. As for cutting it out… There would be a noticeable scar. The implants are always put in the same place, it wouldn’t be hard to miss.”

I make a mental note stating to ask Taehyung about all of this when I get back. If anyone knows how he got onto this world it would be him. “Is there a possibility that you could have someone look into it?” The girl nods in defeat, paying more attention to the ground than to anything else. “I’ll see if I can get someone on the case. I’ll have them contact you if we know anything.”

After those words she turns around in her chair, facing the monitor that had already put itself into sleep, and turns it off. Taking a notepad out of the drawer to her left, she quickly writes something down with the pen from her breast pocket. “I’ll get on it right away. Would you like me to walk you back to the exit?”

I shake my head. “No It’s okay, I’ll find my way back. Thank you for cooperating.” Eun-ji gives me a small smile, followed by a bow and walks out of the room taking the note with her, presumably immediately keeping herself busy with the extra work. Not wanting to waste any time I copy her, walking myself back into the direction we came from. Turns out it proves quite easy to find the exit by myself.

It’s already far past dinnertime when I make it back to the office. Not many of my colleagues have remained in their seats, most of them opting for a nice meal with their families. The few that have stayed behind are mostly known to live alone, quite like myself.

I quietly knock on my supervisor’s door, but when no response emerges from within the room, I can safely deduce that she too has already returned home. “I’ll have to write her a report about today later..” I mutter to myself, before stepping away from the door and instead heading to the cells at the back.

Technically the arrest period had already ended for Taehyung, as the law wouldn’t allow us to keep him locked up for any longer without any charges being held against him. His cell however technically was never locked and so even now, he is free to go wherever he wants. Though it didn’t change the fact that he still has no place to go to.

“Good evening. Had anything to eat yet?” He just chose to stay here and we accepted it. “Oh, hello! Yes, that tall handsome bulky man gave me something earlier, I can’t remember his name. He said something about it ‘being the best shit in town’.”

I slightly giggle at his quote, knowing immediately who it belongs to. “That definitely sounds like something Namjoon would say. What did he give you?”

Taehyung looks a lot better than he did yesterday. The stress of the interrogation seems to have completely worn off, instead traded for the sweet bouncy personality he used to show around me.

“Umm it was something in the shape of a circle and it had meat all over it… Oh! I think he called it a pizza? It was delicious!”

“You’ve never had pizza before?” The words leave my mouth before I actually get the chance to process them, causing me to instantly regret ever even opening my mouth. These days are stressful enough for him as they are, he doesn’t need a painful reminder of the life he never got to live on top of that.

The question doesn’t seem to hit him as hard as I though it would though. In fact, his demeanour doesn’t seem to change at all. Although sadly, it doesn’t make his next words any less painful. “Nope! When I first got adopted all they would feed me was wet cat food. It wasn’t great, but at least I got my three meals a day. The foster family I stayed at after my first owners mysteriously disappeared didn’t actually have the money to even take proper care of themselves, so at that time all I would get was whatever was left of their dinner that day, if there was even any left. It was mostly just greens. The lack of meat made me real sick at the time.”

He pauses talking for a second to look up at my face through the metal bars. The content look on his face quickly changes to one of worry once he catches my eyes. It’s no mystery why, I know I look at him pitifully. Even if he may not wish for my concern, I am only human. I can perfectly hide it when I need to, but this is not one of those cases.

“There it is again, that sad look on your face…” He sits up straight on the side of his bed to fully observe me, a tilt of his head giving him away. I send a sad chuckle his way as I reach for the door of his enclosure, inviting myself into the small space with him. He doesn’t object.

“Is it that obvious?” It was meant more as a way to lighten the mood, not as an actual question that needs answering. He still does however, giving me a simple slow nod. “You don’t need to feel bad for me.”

“Someone has to. You deserve at least that much.”

There’s a chair neatly placed under a small desk in the room. It used to be quite lively, with all kinds of bright colours blending into each other. It was a little positive additive into the dark grey room, but after all the anger that has been acted out on it, it no longer has that same shine.

I pull the chair out to place myself upon it, straddling the seat while I rest my arms on top of the back rest. Facing the tiger I use my arms as a pillow to lean my head on, making myself comfortable on the creaking furniture.

“Say, Taehyung, do you remember anything from when and where you were formed?”

He seems slightly taken aback at first, though quickly regains his composure. He also doesn’t immediately answer, first taking some time to think before coming back to me. “I was born a hybrid to two purebred tiger hybrids. They did their best trying to care for me in the little time we got to spend together, but seeing as it happened on a breeding farm getting to spend time with my parents wasn’t the plan. I got sold off pretty quickly, as soon as I learned to hold my first few full conversations.”

“Do you… Would you happen to know what happened to the farm? To your parents?” I fail to hide my apprehensiveness, needing too much space to form a careful approach. This shouldn’t feel like an interrogation to him, I never even announced one. There is little reason for him to answer me, the vital information from his side has already been given anyway. Nonetheless, even though I probably shouldn’t be doing this right now, I can’t just miss this opportunity.

“I heard my adoptive family talking about how the place was burnt down a while later. Most likely the police had caught a hold of it and they had to delete their left behind evidence. Both building and hybrids.”

Despite talking about the death of his parents, he seems to tell the story with relative ease. Probably not having much connection with the far past, his brain too young to truly hold on to the memory of them.

“They were successful too, as the case got dropped faster than lightning. It wasn’t long before the general public forgot about it too, believing it was just another misunderstanding. Besides, hybrid lives weren’t as important anyway.”

The amount of rights hybrids had when they were first created back in the day were close to zero, only strictly being seen as objects to show off whatever possible wealth one may have had. For a while there was even a popular theory going around that hybrids didn’t actually have the ability to feel any kind of emotion or pain. The genetic puzzle wouldn’t allow for it, as it had been tampered with to an extreme extent. This only built on the carelessness shown towards them, slowly chipping away at their sanity.

Although the rumours were wrong, they came from a place of truth. Facial expressions were rare for hybrids, as was the ability to speak. Most of them couldn’t even keep up with regular humans, exhaustion quickly taking over the little anger they could show. Scientists hadn’t yet quite figured out how to perfectly combine the pieces of genetic code and so hybrids were more like living dolls in the eyes of evil humans. Having no voice to object and barely any means to actually hurt anyone, it wasn’t much of a surprise the selfish nature in humans came to rise.

Luckily, or depending on how you look at it, sadly, these first generation hybrids were never able to reproduce. The doll like hybrid features eventually died out with the rise of the newly perfected pieces and the theory was debunked by a group of scientist who actually did care about the hybrids’ wellbeing. Those hybrids had lived through countless punishments, and every single one of them had hurt. A lot.

Right now hybrids in a lot of ways are superior to the rest of us. Having the combined senses of both animal and human alike, society has reluctantly given up on trying to contain them. They are still to be bought and owned, but no longer to be treated like dirt. The smartest of hybrids have even already gotten complete freedom to do as the please, no longer having to be bound to a human to roam freely. However, those unable to pass the close to impossible tests aren’t so lucky.

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

Taehyung gives me a reassuring wave of his hand, effectively trying to lighten the mood, along with a sad smile. It wouldn’t take a trained professional to know he still longs for his parent’s presence, even if he may do well hiding it.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”

That doesn’t make the situation more okay, but I hold my remarks back. For now, that might just be for the best.

Taglist

@suhappysuho @intellectualxprincess @sana-b @littlewolfieposts @nellaphine @the8luvr @deathkat657 @elenaramos1 @namjoonies-dimple

88 notes · View notes

i-stan-nct-and-satan · 3 years

Text

Not Broken (Jaehyun Mafia au pt 16)

Not Broken Masterlist

Jaehyun X Reader

Y/N is a burlesque dancer living in Seoul. Jaehyun is one of the most powerful mafia men in Seoul. How will Y/N survive when Jaehyun suspects that she is involved with a rival gang?

Reasons to read this story: Ten’s a cross-dressing madam so….. yeah read it ya freaks.

Trigger Warning: mentions of past abuse

Beep! Beep! Beep!

My head instinctively turned to stare at the alarm. I watched as it continued to beep. Usually, the harsh tones of the alarm were enough launch me out of bed. Every morning I somehow managed to reach the ungodly contraption to silence it before it even began to muster out its third beep.

Not today though.

I had been lying awake long before my alarm started to sing its first note. I had just been staring at the ceiling, anticipating the events that were to come. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get at least a bit of sleep. I probably managed to get in a few hours before waking up to see that the neon green numbers I had gotten used to seeing read, 2:46 a.m.

My mind was too anxious to fall back asleep, but my body was too stubborn to leave the comfort of the satin sheets which were messily draped over my body.

I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what awaited me and I felt as though leaving my bed would be what put said events into motion. Thus, when my alarm began ringing, signaling to me that it was time to get up, instead of rushing to towards it, I merely stared at it. I continued staring until the digital clock changed from 4:00 to 4:01 and then to 4:02 and finally to 4:03 before I decided it would be best to put an end to the incessant beeping before it caused a disturbance to those who still might be sleeping.

I dragged my body towards the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked dead, not like I cared. In a way, I felt as though I might actually be dead; that perhaps I died long ago and that every event since my death was the result of divine punishment. Punishment for what, I didn’t know.

I chuckled at the overly dramatic thought.

I splashed cold water onto my face in an attempt to return my rationalities, though it was no use. There was nothing rational about my situation, so how could I think rationally while in it?

I instinctively began brushing my hair, before stopping midway to curse myself. It was like I could see into the future. That narcissistic scumbag, Jaehyun, would interpret any step I took to freshen up as an attempt to impress him, something I definitely didn’t want him thinking.

When I trained with Jeno, it would take me roughly an hour to fully wake myself up, get dressed, and freshen up before heading down to the training room around 4:50. I could tell that today, I wouldn’t need as much time to ready myself.

I quickly tied my hair up in a ponytail, simply to keep it out of my face. When I opened my closet, Jaehyun’s words found themselves at the front of my mind.

“You should wear something blue. The color suits you.”

I scoffed to myself as I grabbed the first blue piece of clothing I saw and threw it to the side, missing the trashcan by more than a few feet. I instead picked out a yellow workout shirt and grabbed my regular leggings from the floor. I only had a few pair of leggings so I would often re-wear the same pair, not wanting to wash them after every use. I brought the leggings up to my nose and smelled the already worn-out fabric. They were definitely reaching the point where they needed a wash. I put them on anyway. A part of me hoped that the smell of old sweat would keep Jaehyun from making any advances, or at least turn him off from the thought.

It reminded me of how women would skip shaving their legs before a date to prevent themselves from going home with a guy, though in my case, it was like putting my legs on display to keep the guy from thinking I’d want to go home with her in the first place.

I looked at the clock.

4:34.

I definitely finished getting ready much earlier than usual, but I didn’t want to make any steps towards the door just yet. I even considered waiting until it was after 5:00 to leave my room, just to spite Jaehyun for telling me that being late wasn’t an option. This thought lost traction as soon as I remembered the things Jaehyun was capable of when even just the tiniest bit annoyed.

Better not to anger him.

<><><><><><>

“Right on time, babe,” Jaehyun welcomed me in the most unwelcoming way possible.

He was already on sitting on one of the weight machines. From the beads of sweat that dripped down his jaw on onto his white t-shirt, I could tell that he had already gotten in quite the workout. I wondered how long he had been there for.

I didn’t want to ignore him, but I didn’t want to exactly engage with him in conversation either, so I gave him my best “fuck you” smile and proceeded to set my water bottle down on the mat.

“What? No greeting? Not even any pleasantries?” Jaehyun asked as he stood up from the machine. He stared back at me using one of the gym’s towels to wipe his red tinted face.

I silently scoffed, smiling at his audacity.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hello Jaehyun! How are you? Still holding women captive and forcing them to be your bride? Oh, you are? Well, isn’t that just swell?”

I expected Jaehyun to snap at me for such insolence, or to at least look a little upset, but he just smiled back at me and laughed.

“That’s funny,” He said wagging his finger at me.

“Just remember, who’s training you for the next hour.”

I froze, unconsciously biting my tongue. He was right. I shouldn’t push my luck too much. I had no idea why Jaehyun was in such a good mood this morning, but I knew it was in my best interest for it to stay that way. At least until after our little competition.

Like a beaten dog who’s finely entuned to their master’s change in mood, I noticed a sudden glint of disappointment in his eyes. I watched them trail over my body in search of something he just couldn’t find.

Once he noticed my noticing, he exhaled abruptly as if he were expelling his thoughts along with his breath.

“Let’s start by going over yesterday’s match.“

I stared at him silently, waiting for him to elaborate further.

Jaehyun looked away briefly, clearing his throat in order to break the silence.

“I am of course, referring to the tactic you used...”

I continued to stare at him not quite sure where he was going. He stared back, gauging my reactions.

“-or am I just assuming that your decision to storm me was a strategical one?”

“Does it matter? It didn’t work,” I responded.

Jaehyun relaxed a little.

“Ah. So, it was thought out.”

I silently sighed to myself, ready for him to explain why my strategy was flawed or how my impulsiveness is what led to my defeat. I already began piecing together my response. I’d probably ask him how else I was supposed to fight against someone much stronger than myself, or if there even was such a tactic. I could feel the words bubble in my throat waiting for the criticisms, he was about to list.

“You surprised me. That’s not something that happens very often. You should be proud.”

“Wait, what?” I blurted out, suddenly breaking my façade of nonchalance.

Jaehyun’s eyes widened a bit only for them to crinkle as he laughed.

“What? Were you expecting me to say something else?”

I reached my hand up to rub the back of my neck. Once Jaehyun understood that I wasn’t going to give any more of a reply, he flashed me a smile that seemed too genuine to have come from a man so... well, ingenuine.

“I’m being serious. I was really quite impressed. You were fighting against someone you had no chance of winning against, at least not with physical prowess, so you came up with a strategy and not just any strategy, a good one. You understood that I had certain expectations of you and you somehow managed to subvert those expectations in your favor. I had expected you to be hesitant in your actions and assumed that you would wait for me to make the first move. Yet, as soon as the whistle blew you came at me full force. I mean-” Jaehyun stopped abruptly to stare at me.

I was smiling.

I hadn’t meant to. I just wasn’t thinking about it. I mean, could you blame me? Maybe it was just my ego. What can I say? I’m the type of person who likes being praised. Sue me.

As soon as I realized why the sudden pause, I forced my face back into one of disinterest. I silently prayed that he would let it slide just this once.

He didn’t.

“Don’t get big-headed on me now. Just because a cat learns it has stripes, it doesn’t suddenly make it a tiger. You still have a long way to go before you’re ready to use your claws,” He said with a smirk.

I couldn’t tell who I was more embarrassed for; me, for having come across as a girl who just got called pretty by her crush, or him, for having used such a cheesy metaphor, one he was somehow proud of.

“Now let’s go over some technique. Yesterday, when you charged me, I used a simple maneuver to use your own force against you. Come over here, I’ll show you,” He explained, walking towards the center of the mat.

I hesitated but opted to follow suit as he had instructed. I stopped when I was roughly 4 feet in front of him.

He took a few steps closer, causing me to back away.

He paused.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to slam you down this time. I’m just going to show you what I did so that you can learn how to avoid it next time, or perhaps even do the same to me.”

I didn’t back away because I thought that he would slam me down on the mat. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. I just didn’t really feel comfortable with being handled by him, even if it was for instructional purposes.

He stood there, waiting for me to come closer. When I didn’t, he took another step towards me instead.

Again, I took a step back.

Jaehyun let out a sigh.

“How am I supposed to teach you if you won’t even let me touch you?” He asked, obviously annoyed.

“Can’t you just explain it to me verbally?”

“Of course, not. Even if I were to show you the move by doing it on someone else, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to recreate it when push comes to shove. Muscle memory is important. You should know that as a dancer.”

I quirked my head to the side.

“You can learn to dance from watching others dance.” I retorted.

Jaehyun stared at me as if he were a teacher waiting for a disruptive student to stop acting out.

I looked down at the floor.

“That may be true when preforming a solo act,” He began.

“But what about when you’re learning a choreography that includes more than one person?”

“Then we practice the choreo on our own. Even when we practice together, it’s not like we really need each other,” I asserted.

Jaehyun groaned.

“I’m talking about dances that directly rely on being in sync with the other person’s moves. Like this.”

Before I could dodge his advance, Jaehyun wrapped his arm around me, capturing my waist and pulling my body into his so that our chests were practically pressed together. I tried to wriggle my way out of his grip but before I could, he used his other hand to grab mine, tightly squeezing it as if warning me that he was not in the mood to play games.

“Can you waltz?” He asked.

“Never tried it.” I answered.

Without any other warning, Jaehyun began moving his feet dragging me along with him.

As he moved in precise uniform movements, I stumbled around awkwardly, somehow managing to step onto his feet with every other step. Instead of scolding me, Jaehyun continued to waltz, ignoring my steps as though I were merely a ragdoll he was throwing around as he danced to a song only he could hear.

“The Waltz is a uniform dance with very little room for variance. One could learn the steps and even master them on their own only to flounder around like a fish when matched with a partner.”

“Yeah, but you can’t exactly learn the steps from practice alone. You need some sort of instruction,” I complained.

Jaehyun’s steps came to a sudden halt. Instead of releasing me like I had expected him to, he let my body fall, catching it in what I recognized as a “dip.”

“I completely agree, so why don’t we do a little of both? I’ll lead.”

He released his grip on me and I fell flat onto the mat.

I sat up, seething with annoyance. Jaehyun stared at me, arms crossed and with a grin so wicked, it’d make the devil anxious, though I’d be surprised if a devil greater than Jaehyun truly existed.

<><><><><><>

Jaehyun showed me exactly how he managed to pin me down so fast. When I came running towards him, he applied a heavy pressure to the top of my chest, thus using my own force against me. He explained that by stalling my upper half, I actually did half of the work for him in knocking me down. Because I had charged so fast, my legs barely had any time to catch up as my upper half was held in place, so they continued to run, flipping me onto my back.

Once I understood where exactly I went wrong, Jaehyun spent the first half of our session showing me different ways to keep myself guarded against an attack so that I could, in his words, “not be used as a weapon against myself.” The second half of the session was spent showing me examples of ways I could use someone’s force against themselves as he did had done to me. This part was my favorite because Jaehyun let himself fall to the mat every time I followed his instruction in order to show me exactly how the move would work. Even though I knew he was letting me take him down for practice’s sake, I still enjoyed hearing the loud smack it made when his body came in contact with the mat.

When we finished, he tossed me my water bottle. I quickly down the remainder of its contents.

“Here, toss it back,” Jaehyun called out, his hand outstretched.

I did as he instructed.

He began walking away motioning for me to follow.

Once we made it to the water fountain, Jaehyun opened my bottle and filled it, tossing it back to me before taking his turn to drink directly from the fountain.

I stood there watching him, unsure of what else I could do.

Once he finished, he turned to me.

“How’s your rib feeling?”

“My rib?”

I looked down at my torso having remembered where Taeyong had touched it. The pain, which was sharp and sudden at the time, had now turned into a dull constant.

“It’s alright, I guess. Better at least.” I informed him.

Jaehyun looked at me, navigating whether or not I was lying.

“Good, that’s good. I was worried that after yesterday I might have made it worse.”

It was strange. I knew that he was the one who broke it in the first place, but that didn’t keep me from seeing his sincerity.

“I’ll try my best to avoid damaging it any further during our match. I’m sorry that’s all I can do for you given the circumstances of our bet.”

I knew that his statement was bullshit. I mean, he knew about my rib when he decided upon the terms of our bet. I knew that fighting him on the matter would be pointless though.

“Will it go back to the way it was before it was broken?” I asked.

Jaehyun seemed caught off guard by the sudden question.

He took a second to think.

“Are you trying to ask if it will heal properly, or if it’ll go back to the way it was before it was broken?”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” I asked.

Jaehyun gave me a look that seemed to question if I really didn’t know already.

I quirked my head to the side showing him that, no, I really didn’t know.

“When a bone breaks, it's because the bone’s developed a fracture.”

“Okay?” I scoffed, asking if he was really trying to explain what a broken bone was to me.

“Just, listen,” He continued.

“During the healing process, a callous of extra strong bone forms around the fracture, bonding it together again. This new extra strong bone is meant to protect the fracture as the bone heals but once the bone is fully healed, the area of the fracture is stronger than it was before the break ever occurred so-”

“So, bones heal stronger?” I interrupted.

Jaehyun smiled gently towards me and took a step closer.

“Y/N, I can’t tell you that your rib will go back to the way it was before, because that wouldn’t be the truth. What I can tell you though, is that maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

Jaehyun reached a hand out towards me. Before I could think about it, I jerked away from his touch.

Jaehyun hesitated before reeling his hand back. He looked away from me for a second before returning his gaze to mine.

“We should probably start today’s match so that you have enough time to get ready.“

<><><><><><>

Just like the day before, Taeyong blew the whistle and shortly after, I was pinned to the ground. This time I didn’t charge at him, instead I chose to go on the defense. It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to make his move, pinning me instantly. Luckily for me, I didn’t suffer any pain, just frustration. It was like Jaehyun had just picked me up and set me down, easily managing to hold me there until Taeyong called the match.

I wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still disappointed. The Jaehyun’s newly discovered tenderness from before the match had disappeared, immediately replaced with his usual dirtbag self. Not more than a second after the match had ended, he instructed Taeyong to escort me back to my room to catch me up on today’s plans. Before he left the room, he turned back towards me as I just gotten back on my feet and said, “Don’t be late now, Honey.”

I scoffed at him. He laughed at my reaction which made me want to do a lot more than just scoff at him. I was caught off guard by his sudden usage of the pet name I had called him at dinner the night before. It became clear to me that that’s why he used it instead of opting for “Kitten,” like I had come to expect from him. When spoken by him, the word felt less like a term of endearment and more like a taunt, though a taunt was still better than a threat.

“At least he’s in a good mood,” I thought to myself.

Taeyong brought me back to my room, instructing me to shower and put on the dress he left for me on the bed. Once I did as I was asked, I opened the door to let Taeyong back in only to see that both Haechan and Jaemin had been waiting there with him.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Wow, Y/n. You aren’t gonna ask why I’m here?” Haechan pouted over-dramatically.

“I already know why you’re here, Dongfuck. You don’t have a life and so you like to drop in on mine,” I quipped lightheartedly, suddenly realizing that I had to come up with a new nickname for Haechan now that I’d discovered that his name was, well... Haechan.

Fuck, what insult even rhymes with Haechan? Faketan? No that’s stupid and probably problematic. Besides, Haechan’s darker skin tone is literal perfection. Even I have to admit that.

I physically shook my head before going on.

“I’m asking why Jaemin’s here because he normally takes care of Jisung and Chenle around this time of day.”

I turned to Jaemin who simply laughed as Haechan stuck his tongue out at me.

“Wow, you really were close friends before this, weren’t you?” He commented.

“What do you mean were? Haechan demanded wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“Y/n and I are still as close as a pair of conjoined twins.”

“Please, never use that metaphor ever again.” I sighed already exhausted from the encounter.

“Anyways, today you’re going to be officially meeting Chenle and Jisung as their soon to be sister-in law. Jaemin is here to make sure that it goes well,” Haechan explained, answering for Jaemin before the poor man even had the chance to open his mouth.

“Wait, what?”

Instead of explaining further, Haechan guided me towards the vanity, sitting me down in the chair, and immediately going to work on my hair.

Taeyong and Jaemin both sat on the bed and got to explaining the situation.

“So, as you already know, Jaehyun has two younger brothers, Chenle and Jisung. I believe that you’ve already met them before, but as a hostage, not as their sister-in-law.

My mind flashed back to meeting the two younger boys back when I still had horrible bruising all over my face. I recalled the image of a queasy Chenle, asking if his brother really was the one who did that to me.

“I can’t tell them the same story, I told Jessi. They already know that Jaehyun was the one who nearly beat me within an inch of my life!”

Taeyong and Jaemin looked at each other, obviously aware of something I was not. Haechan on the other hand, continued to act like a dumbass.

“Ooh! Already on a first name basis with the former lady of the house, are we? So, I take it you’ve successfully gained Jessi’s approval, not that I’m surprised. Personality wise, it’d easier to believe she was your mother than Jaehyun’s. I mean-”

“We’ve already taken that into consideration,” Taeyong began, cutting Haechan off right in the middle of his rant.

“Fine, I guess I’ll just leave since I’m just gonna be a nuisance,” Haechan pouted.

When no one acknowledged him, he scoffed in annoyance, but stayed quiet.

“You see, the boys actually know a lot more than just that,” He continued, glancing at a now sheepish Jaemin.

“The boys have a habit of eavesdropping and while they were supposed to be in my care... I accidentally fell asleep and they listened in on one of the group’s official meetings.” Jaemin admitted.

“At the time, you were still under suspicion for IU’s death.” Taeyong explained.

A look of horror took over my face, causing one to come over Taeyong as well.

“D-don’t worry! Everything has been cleared up. They know that you are not responsible for the death of their sister. They have also been informed that you are responsible for the death of Lucas. They know that you killed him on accident in an attempt to fight for your life, though out of respect for you I didn’t going to any other details of what you went through that night.” He said in an attempt to reassure me.

“Wait, but if they know the truth then what about-”

“Mrs. Ho? She is to remain in the dark about the true nature behind Jaehyun’s and your relationship. They understand the gravity of the situation and have been instructed to speak as little as possible about anything that might rouse suspicion. Jaehyun and I have also decided that it would be best to pretend as though you’ve become something of an older sister to the two of them, but that this is the first they are hearing about your engagement. That’s why Jaemin is here, to help you learn as much as you can about the boys to make this ruse as believable as possible.”

“What the fuck?” I exclaimed, dumbfounded as to how on earth Jaehyun and Taeyong could have decided that this was the best route to take. Having me pretend to know about and be extremely close to a pair of teenagers that I met once and talked with for all of like, what? Five minutes?

“I know it sounds daunting, but Chenle’s been feeling a bit under the weather lately and Mrs. Ho is aware of that, which gives us an out if anything goes wrong. We even have a signal in case Chenle should need to bring up his condition as an excuse to cut the meeting short.”

“Still though,” I hesitated, not fully convinced.

“Listen,” Jaemin interjected.

“You don’t have to act like a big happy family, giving them hugs and stuff. If anything, that would make Mrs. Ho really suspicious. Just act like how you would any other teenager. Act snarky, roast them, I don’t know. There are more ways to show closeness than acting like you're in a lifetime Christmas special. Besides, it makes sense for you to not know everything about them since Mrs. Ho still believes that you and Jaehyun met only a few months ago. We just have to get you knowledgeable enough for Mrs. Ho to-”

“Knock! Knock!” Someone called from outside the door.

“Why say ‘knock?’ Why not just do it if you’re gonna say what you’re doing?” Haechan groaned, almost unreasonably annoyed by the knock knock-er’s chipper demeanor.

Taeyong scowled at Haechan before walking toward the door.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“That should be Momo with the boys,” Jaemin answered.

“Wait, what? Why are they here? I’m not ready.”

“It’ll be fine. Think of this as a practice round. You’ll do great!” Jaemin gave me two thumbs up as Taeyong opened the door.

I definitely was not ready and by the looks of it, neither were they.

Momo and Taeyong stood by the door as Jaemin motioned for Jisung and Chenle to come over.

It hadn’t been more than a couple days since I had last seen the two of them yet I wouldn’t have recognized the yellow haired boy had I not been expecting to see him. While Jisung looked almost exactly the same as the day we met, Chenle looked as though he were the one who had been locked up in the estate’s basement, not me. The dark spots that lay wrapped below his eyes took up more space on the young boy’s face than the eyes themselves. The state of his cheeks made it obvious that what he lacked in sleep, he definitely wasn’t making up for in calories. The chubby cheeks I had remembered were long gone, now sunken in to the extent one might mistake the boy for a character in a Tim Burton movie. He looked less like a teenaged boy and more like an old man, hair loss and all.

To describe him as a bit under the weather as Taeyong had only moments prior would be like saying that Hitler was kind of a douche; not necessarily untrue, but definitely not the most accurate way of portraying the severity of things. Chenle looked sickly, though I couldn’t think of any sickness with symptoms so... apparent.

Neither him nor Jisung looked particularly excited to see me, which is of course understandable since to them, I’m practically that one distant relative who your parents made you hug as a kid despite your apparent discomfort. Though, while Jisung just looked awkward and unsure of where he should focus his eyes, Chenle looked at me as though I were the cause of his illness.

It looked as though simply being near me was physically painful for him. I kept his gaze, trying to uncover the cause of his extreme discomfort towards me. It was strange. There was no hatred in his eyes, something I should have been relieved by given that we were going to have to act all buddy-buddy with each other, but I couldn’t help but wonder why he was looking at me like a child who’s about to be told on to his parents.

“I thought we could start with you guys telling Y/n your interests. Does that sound good?” said Jaemin.

The two took turns telling me about which video games were their favorites and about what sports they played at school. It was awkward at first, especially since it felt like the first day of school and our teacher decided to make everyone takes turns introducing themselves and saying three things about themselves, something which teachers don’t understand is actually torture in its purest form.

Though I was lost as fuck when Jisung tried to explain this game called Amoungus to me, Jaemin interjected to ask the two of them what their favorite show was. That was when things started to look a bit brighter.

“Well, right now, me and Chenle are watching this show called HunterXHunter.”

“HunterXHunter?” I asked, suddenly more serious than was necessary.

“Uh, yeah. Have you heard of it?” Jisung asked, confused.

“Which one? The 1999 one or the 2011 one?”

Both of the two boys lit up a bit.

“Wait, there’s a 1999 version?” Chenle asked, this being the first time he spoke without being needing to be nudged first by his brother.

“Uh, yeah. And get this, it’s better. Don’t get me wrong, the newer one is great. I love the art style, but the 1999 verion includes more from the manga that the 2011 version completely leaves out.”

“You read manga?” Chenle asked, excitedly, and for a split second, he resembled the boy I met before, still strung out, but not as much so.

“No, I just read an article comparing the manga to the show- Of course I fucking read manga,” I replied, probably laying the sarcasm on a little too thick.

I paused as the two boys looked at each other and nodded.

“Do you like shoujo or shonen better?” Jisung asked, though it sounded more like a demand.

“I won’t lie, I like shoujo a lot. Don’t roast me though I like both. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I wanna read a high-stakes power fantasy battle palooza with fucking lasers, and other times, I just wanna read about a high-schooler asking out his crush.”

“I get that,” Jisung nodded.

“Yeah, that’s because you get all your dating advice from playing dating sims,” Chenle snorted.

Jisung glared at Chenle and raised his hand, but quickly lowered it as though reconsidering hitting him when the older is in such a weak state.

The four of us started laughing only to be interrupted by a concerned voice.

“Mrs. Ho, what are you doing here?” Taeyong stuttered.

Momo quickly bowed to her, prompting Jaemin to stand up and do the same.

“Is it strange for me to be walking around my own house?” Jessi asked eyeballing Taeyong.

“No, of course not ma’am. It’s just that I was expecting for us all to meet at the dining room table later today like what was planned.”

“I too thought that that was to be the case, but when I heard my son’s laughter from Y/n’s room, I figured I’d stop by.”

Jessi walked further into the room. Everyone did their best to hide any signs of the shock, nervousness, or stress they were feeling, though nobody did a good job.

I let out a soft laugh. To think that I was going to have to rely on them, they’re the ones who’ll be depending on me to make this go smoothly.

“Jessi! What’s up?”

Jessi wipes the back of her hand over her forehead as if wiping off an imaginary bead of sweat.

“Whew. Thank god. I thought you were gonna be all formal with me again just because there were others around.” She laughed, taking a seat on the vanity table

“You know, this might actually be better having a formal meeting anyway,” Jessi said, switching to Korean for the rest of the room’s inhabitants.

“Oh, uh... sure. Why not?” Taeyong replied.

Jessi stared at him silently, making Taeyong even more nervous.

“Well?” She asked.

Taeyong hesitated, unsure of what to do.

“Yes?”

“Go get him.”

“Pardon?”

“Jaehyun. Go get Jaehyun. He should be here for this shouldn’t he?”

“Ah. Yes. Of course. Right away.”

Taeyong gave me a look as if to ask if I’d be okay while he was away. I gave him a little nod and made a “shoo” motion in response.

Both him and Momo disappeared, her bowing once again before making her exit.

Luckily, the moments that were filled with Taeyong’s absence had been taken up by the exchange of simple pleasantries. I asked Jessi how she slept, she told me she slept well. She asked me the same, I replied the same. Then she turned to Jaemin to ask whether Chenle had taken his medicine yet, to which he responded with a simple, yes.

Taeyong returned as quickly as he came which was surprising given how Jaehyun must have been busy with other matters given the meeting’s spontaneity of the meeting.

He entered the room following Taeyong and stopping to rest his hands on my shoulders as he stood behind my sitting place. I had expected him to do something physical since his mother was here, so I was able to mentally prepare myself and refrain from flinching away from his touch.

The meeting was short, with Jaehyun announcing that he and I were getting married. Jisung and Chenle reacted with surprise and then faux excitement. I hadn’t needed to do much except for sit there, which was a relief. Jaemin and the kids were the first to leave, with Jaemin announcing that it was time for them to work on their homework. Taeyong escorted Jessi back to her room leaving Jaehyun and I to be the only ones left.

“Good job.” Jaehyun said, now having sat directly in front of me on the bed.

I nodded trying my best to hide my anxiety.

“Tomorrow I’ve arranged to have several dresses sent to the estate for you to try on. You may pick whichever one you like. My mother will be there to aid you.”

“Dresses?”

Jaehyun laughed at my reaction.

Jaehyun set his hands onto the bed and leaned back slightly.

“I do believe that it is tradition for the bride to wear a dress on her wedding day,” He mused.

“Oh.” I muttered.

Jaehyun stared back at me with a relaxed smile.

I took the time to get a good look at Jaehyun, something I hadn’t thought to do during the meeting. He wore a simple white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his forearms. I remembered walking in to find him sitting on the weight machine only a few hours earlier. It made sense that he worked out given his build. Body types like that don’t just happen naturally. Even his hands were muscular.

I felt conflicted. If I had seen this man on the street a month ago, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to imagine those arms wrapped around me, or maybe even his hands digging into my hips, but after what I had experienced, all I could think about was the feeling of losing consciousness as their grip tightened around my throat.

I did my best to be subtle as I looked down at his thighs. I wasn’t surprised to see that the light grey slacks did little to hide that they, like his arms, were... large.

We sat in silence just staring at each other until Jaehyun stood up from the bed, now at least 3 heads taller than my sitting form.

He leaned forward resting his hands on the armrests of my chair. Trapping me.

I froze.

“It’ll probably take the entire afternoon to finish all the work I have left, so I likely won’t be joining you all for dinner.”

And with that, he left.

<><><><><>

Jaehyun was right. He wasn’t be able to attend dinner. I wasn’t surprised by his absence; It was everyone else’s absence I was surprised by. Not a single member of 127 nor Jaemin or Jeno attended dinner that night, leaving Jessi, Jisung, Chenle, and I to awkwardly sit around theorizing about what business they had that kept them away.

<><><><><>

Jaehyun could feel his blood boil as Taeyong and Jeno made him aware the sudden turn of events.

“And you’re sure the messenger was unaware of the message’s contents?” He asked the two men.

“We’re sure,” Taeyong answered.

“Since we don’t usually receive deliveries directly to the house without being made aware of them in advance, I took every precaution in questioning the man myself,” added Jeno.

“His story checked out. We quickly confirmed that he was a registered courier at a local delivery service within the district. I opened the letter in front of him and once I realized its contents, I demanded all information regarding the letter’s origin. After informing Taeyong, we sent over several men over to inspect their security footage, but it seems that the letter was actually delivered to them via a different delivery service. We have men over there as well checking their footage and all, but it seems as though they managed to send the letter through a system I’ve never seen before. The letter was put into several other envelopes, each one containing instructions and payment for the next delivery. Since each company only opened the outer envelope, we were unable to see any past instruction that may had been included before the letter reached each individual company.”

“How long will it take to trace the source of the letter?” Jaehyun inquired.

“We don’t know. It depends on how many companies they went through. We won’t be able to locate the original sender, especially if their trail is long gone by the time we reveal any trace of their identity. We might not even be able to discern how long the letter has been in transport for quite some time. Our best guess is that it’s only been in transport for 1 to 2 days.” Taeyong sighed, showing his frustration at the situation.

Jaehyun dragged his hands down his face, his good mood now a distant memory.

“Two days, huh?” He pondered, staring down at the piece of paper he held in his hands.

If you fail to hand Y/N over to us, then prepare for a red wedding.

“Call everyone up here, now.“

Jaehyun watched silently as his office began to slowly fill with the members of 127.

Taeyong and Jeno made sure to inform them all of the gravity of the meeting thus ensuring that none of the members were to speak until Jaehyun officially started the meeting.

“Where is he?” Jaehyun demanded.

Everyone began exchanging glances, not yet sure of who exactly it was that Jaehyun was referring to.

“We’re here,” Taeyong announced as both he and Winwin entered the room.

“And where exactly were you?” Jaehyun asked, making it obvious that his question was directed more at Winwin than the both of them.

“He was in the library, reading,” Taeyong answered for him.

“If he was that close, then why was he the last to be found?”

Winwin approached Jaehyun. He reached his hand into his pants pocket, retrieving a pair of earbuds before placing them on the oak desk.

“I had them in, so I couldn’t hear my name when it was being called,” Winwin smirked, staring straight into the eyes of the man sitting in front of him.

Jaehyun scowled.

“You know, Winwin. Ever since I relieved Johnny of his duty to keep an eye on you, I often spent my time wondering where you were and what you could be off doing.”

“Well, isn’t that sweet?” Winwin commented, his tone filled with mockery.

Instead of getting angry, Jaehyun smiled, catching everyone, including Winwin off guard.

“As it turns out, my musing was pointless,” Jaehyun explained, as he placed the letter on the desk, directly on top of Winwin’s earbuds.

Winwin read the letter without needing to touch it or lean closer to it.

He frowned but said nothing.

Jaehyun continued.

“I don’t have to ask myself where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing because I already know.”

Winwin already knew what was coming.

“You’ve been telling Wayv our secrets.”

The meeting went as one would expect. Jaehyun showed the letter to the remaining members, had Taeyong and Jeno go over what they had gone over earlier with him, and then Jaehyun posed the very important question, “How come only days after Johnny stopped watching over you, we receive a letter from Wayv confirming that they found out about the wedding?”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Yuta interjected.

Everyone looked up at him expectantly. Yuta froze, as though he came to Winwin’s defense without having even thought of what he was going to say.

Before Jaehyun could move on, Taeil began to speak.

“Wait, he’s right. Didn’t Taeyong and Jeno say that we have no way of knowing for sure how long the letter has been in transit? It’s possible that the letter has been in transit since before Johnny stopped keeping watch over Winwin.”

“Yeah,” Yuta exclaimed, having regained his momentum.

“And besides, wouldn’t Winwin have known that updating Wayv this soon after regaining his freedom would put him under suspicion?”

Jaehyun paused.

“Perhaps, but that doesn’t out rule the likelihood that Winwin’s loyalty is with Wayv. It’s highly probable that he prioritized his mission to leak information over his own safety.”

“No, that’s not necessarily true. If that were the case, then why would Wayv have sent such a message? If they knew that the wedding going to be announced in five days anyway, then why would they put Winwin under suspicion? Wouldn’t they want us to trust Winwin so he could leak information more easily?” Taeil pressed on.

Jaehyun, Taeil, and Yuta continued arguing with each other as Winwin and the others watched in silence.

“I’ve made my decision,” Jaehyun announced.

“Winwin will be removed from any NCT related activity until further notice and will be placed back under heavy watch.”

“Will I be the one to watch over him again?” Johnny asked.

“No,” Jaehyun answered.

“This time, Taeil will be the one to watch over Winwin.”

“But sir, I thought you said you didn’t want me to watch over him given our close relationship.”

“I am aware of that Taeil, but given how eager you are to prove Winwin’s innocence, perhaps that will motivate you in making sure that nothing gets past you. If Winwin were to fall under suspicion again, just know that you’ll be the one to we turn to in confirming his innocence. I also doubt that if Winwin were to display suspicious behavior that you would try to cover up for him.”

Jaehyun looked at Winwin.

“Today cameras will be set up in your room. You are not to leave your room without Taeil there to escort you. You will not be permitted to use any electronic devices without Taeil either. As for the rest of you,”

Jaehyun looked around the room.

“From this moment on, no one is permitted to speak to Winwin regarding anything NCT related.”

174 notes · View notes

honeymoonjin · 4 years

Text

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ot7 x reader || ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 6.3k || ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smut - rated 18+

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:

Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now!

Congratulations! You’ve been accepted as the Lady in the first season of The Gentlemen.

<- prev || masterlist || next ->

banner designer @jamaisjoons

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: voyeurism, exhibitionism, filmed sex, praise, anal, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, massage sex oh i wonder who it could be, fingering, nipple play, cursing

DAY THREE

You wake up with a pounding headache, faint whispers of a nightmare with long shadows and wounded glares, a familiar face wracked with hurt.

Your heart thuds sickly in your chest as you fumble for the phone on your nightstand, wincing at the sharp light of the screen. Earlier than you would have liked, but you need reassurance of the conversation you’d had the night before.

Not the one in the rec room - you still grimace at the thought of how badly you handled it - but the text conversation held much later, one that had eased your worries then. You hoped it could still provide that relief now that guilt was pooling up inside you again.

When starting the show, you’d been given everybody’s phone numbers but hadn’t really needed to use them. So late last night it had come as a shock to you when your phone buzzed, lighting up with Kim Namjoon on the screen.

Part of you had been worried that he was going to yell at you or be crying on the other end. Biting at your nail, you’d let it go through to voicemail. Less than a minute after your screen went dark again, leaving you in shadow, regret had seized you, and you’d rushed to pull up his contact, sending a text. You look over it now.

He hadn’t replied after that, so instead you send him a quick good morning text now before getting up out of bed.

When you get ready and go downstairs, anxiety easing once more, you see that true to his word, Namjoon’s outside walking again.

If any of the other guys know it’s your fault, they don’t say anything, Yoongi silently smiling in greeting from where he sits at the kitchen bench, hunched over a cup of coffee like it’s a lifeline, scrolling on his phone.

“Morning,” you say with a yawn, gravitating towards the still-steaming electric jug. Past Yoongi, the sight you’re greeted by in the adjacent lounge area gives you pause.

Completely unawares to your entrance, several figures gather around the coffee table, where Hoseok is sitting with eyes closed and mouth hung open, moaning pornographically at the hands that expertly dig into him, massaging his muscles.

Behind him, Taehyung’s dressed in nothing but black boxers and a rosy silk robe, brows furrowed in focus and lips twitching with satisfaction as he rolls his thumbs between Hoseok’s shoulder blades, kneading out the tension.

Yoongi sighs. “They’ve been doing it for over an hour. Hoseok’s only the second person to get a go and Seokjin and I are still waiting. Taehyung just finished Jungkook, that’s why he looks dead.”

True to word, Jungkook’s body is splayed out on the couch beside the action, boneless like a corpse, eyes lidded and hair in a tangled nest. Yoongi calls out to him to confirm he’s still alive, receiving a wordless grunt in response.

“He’s fine,” Yoongi decides. “Do you want a go? Lady of the house, I bet you could skip the line.”

“I think I’d rather check how long it takes Jungkook to recover. I can’t be out of commission for the whole day.”

Yoongi hums thoughtfully, finishing off his coffee. “I guess Jungkook can now that he’s done his prompt. Not really much else for him to do except wait to see if he’s staying or not.” He bites his lip for a minute, jaw working as he mulls it over. “Do you have any thoughts so far? About who’s maybe going, who’s definitely staying?”

You shrug. “Seems pointless to consider before you guys have all finished, you know? Either way the decision is going to suck. I’d rather just enjoy myself for now.”

Yoongi pauses while a moaned curse fills the room, Taehyung’s elbow now running down Hoseok’s spine as he bends over, hands splayed on the table to keep himself steady. The older man huffs out a laugh at their antics. “Hoseok really doesn’t seem bothered, huh? I don’t think I’ve seen him trying to put the moves on you once.”

You grin, side-eying him. “What; have you been watching me? But no, he hasn’t, really. I’m glad to see them comfortable to be here, you know? This could have easily been so awkward for all of us.”

Yoongi hums in thought, nodding eventually. “That’s true. It’s a good bunch of guys they’ve managed to pick.”

“You included,” you add with a nudge to his shoulder. “You aren’t going to whip it out in the middle of the kitchen and get your turn over and done with?”

“Are you wanting me to?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow in contained surprise. “But no; I’m still mulling mine over. Seeing what the others do, what you like. I’m patient.” You stare at him, eyes searching for any signs of deception, but he seems genuine. He turns to you with a droll look and jerks his chin towards the lounge. “Taehyungie on the other hand looks like he’s warming up for the main event.”

“Does he now?” you murmur under your breath, looking over to the lounge area, where Hoseok has replaced Jungkook for most boneless contestant, spread-eagle on the carpet and sighing happily. Seokjin’s now under Taehyung’s grasp, lips not stopping for a second as he instructs Taehyung on where exactly to press and how hard. Taehyung, however, has his eyes on you, and a bolt of shock runs through you when your gazes connect.

“Come on over,” Taehyung calls out with an inviting smile. “Seokjin-hyung is almost finished.”

“Hey, you brat, you only just sta-ow!”

Jin jumps like he's been shocked, rubbing at the base of his neck with an expression like a wounded puppy.

"There," Taehyung announces firmly, "finished. Y/n, come over!"

Yoongi pushes you closer with a fond shove. "Go get 'em, tiger. Preferably in a different location to me."

"Beggars can't be choosers," you quip in a singsong voice.

"Oh, when it comes to it, I won't be the one begging," he answers casually.

You falter, open-mouthed, but Yoongi has already turned back to his phone, the faintest hint of a smirk still tugging at his lips.

Going over to the couches, you step over Hoseok’s splayed-out limbs and throw Jin an apologetic smile. The oldest contestant joins Jungkook on the couch, chatting in a low murmur with the blissed-out boy.

Taehyung waves for you to sit down on the coffee table, and you do, eying up the collection of suspicious and rather wet-looking bottles just beside you.

“Pick your poison,” Taehyung chimes when he sees your dubious glance. “Massage oils. There’s lavender, jasmine, eucalytpus and spearmint, almond oil, calendula and coconut oil - that one doubles up as lube - and jojoba oil.”

You blink, feeling overwhelmed. “Uh… What did the others use?”

“Hoseok got almond oil, Seokjin had the jojoba one, and Jungkook asked for the lubey one.”

“Of course he did,” you murmur. “I’ll have the jasmine one, if that’s okay?”

Though Taehyung seems a little disappointed at your choice, he wipes the oil on his hands off on his pants, leaving glossy smears on the soft black fabric, and reaches for the appropriate bottle. He’s dressed comfortably, just loose black cotton pants and an equally baggy tee, faded green. The thick curls of his hair still hang in his eyes, but it doesn’t seem to bother him as he cracks the lid of the bottle, pouring a generous amount of thin oil in his palm. “You’ll have to take your shirt off,” he points out, capping the bottle again.

You frown, looking over at the other guys around the room. “They didn’t take their shirts off.”

“Hoseok pushes down his sleeves, Jungkook did actually take off his shirt, he just put it back on once he was done, and Seokjin’s- Seokjin had a speedy massage.”

“Speedy, my ass,” Seokjin complains from on the couch, jostling the black-haired boy who’s fallen asleep on his shoulder.

Ignoring him, Taehyung warms the oil between his hands slowly. The sight of glistening skin, thick drops running down his forearms where he’d poured a bit too much, and the lidded look in his eyes has you obeying, and you awkwardly slip out of your shirt, balling it up and holding the fabric in your lap.

Taehyung hums in approval, stepping up behind you and nudging you into position with the backs of his hands, knuckles pressing against the bare skin of your shoulders. You feel awkward, sitting in the middle of a room of guys in your bra, but you suppose it's probably good practice considering the show you're on. At least you still had-

"Could you push the straps down?" Taehyung's voice asks lowly from behind you, already slipping into a sensual drawl, the one he must be used to putting on for clients. "We'll start with a shoulder massage."

Great. With an unsteady breath, you shuffle them down one at a time, jumping when warm, slippery hands rest on your bare skin.

"Relax," he coos, and the more he speaks the more you forget your surroundings, the other people there. "Can you close your eyes for me?" You nod, not trusting your voice. After your eyes have slipped shut, you hear him again, his voice like an anchor in a black, hazy ocean. "Take a big breath in for me. Good, and exhale. That's it."

Somewhere to your right, Jin pipes up. "I didn't get this special treatment," he points out with a petulant whine.

As his hands run up and down your upper arms and shoulders, spreading the oil, Taehyung doesn't miss a beat. "If you don't shut up, Seokjin-hyung," he responds in that same sweet and husky tone, "the only treatment you'll be getting is medical."

Jin huffs, but leaves it at that, murmuring something you can't quite pick up. As you shiver at the feeling of Taehyung's smooth hands on you, dipping in front to lightly coat your collarbones and sternum, you hear what's undoubtedly the muffled groan of Jungkook waking up. After that, a thud, an oof and three sets of footsteps patter away into the distance.

From further away, another voice, this time Yoongi. "I'm assuming I won't be getting my massage, then?"

"Another time," Taehyung calls out, the slightest hint of irritation. "You guys aren't even paying me."

The ceramic scrape of a coffee mug being placed in the sink and Yoongi leaves too, the only sound in the room Taehyung's rich voice, smooth and velvety in your ear.

"Anyways, where were we?"

You crack a smile, eyes still closed. "I'll give you another week's accommodation here if you give me a good massage. Is that payment enough?"

He hums at that, almost like a purr. Slowly, you feel the gliding swoops of his fingers begin to slow, spots of pressure as his thumbs begin to deftly seek out any tension. "Is that so?" As his fingers dig in to the taut muscle just behind your shoulders, you feel yourself sigh, mouth falling slack. "I have to say, the coffee table isn't the best place for a massage. I'd be able to give a better service if we relocate-"

You fight a moan as he targets a spot just to the right of your upper spine, pleasure rushing through your body at such a simple touch. "If you take your hands off me for a fucking second I'm kicking you out right now." Though your voice is lofty with relaxation, the threat is there, and Taehyung presses deeper, triggering a cut-off moan that falls from your lips unbidden.

"Noted," he says simply. "Eyes still closed?" At your subtle nod, he continues. "I want you to picture a meadow. Green grass, gentle sun. You can smell the flowers that bloom around you, carried by a gentle wind."

With every word, and the nimble circling of his thumbs easing the knots of tension, you feel yourself unravelling. No longer is the floral perfume from the oil, but instead from petals of every colour, rising up between blades of soft grass. No longer is the cool moving air on your skin from the air conditioner, but a natural breeze that lifts your spirits. Through it all, his hands and his voice encompass you in a cocoon of bliss, head lolled back with the depth of it.

"It's just the two of us in the meadow. We're alone here. No responsibilities or deadlines or worries. We can be at peace." You gasp, core clenching as his hands lift slightly, sliding over your oiled skin to wrap around your neck. But instead of applying pressure to your throat, his fingers find the nape of your neck, stimulating the muscles at the base of your scalp before they snake upwards through your hair, bold circles and decisive lines that have you sinking deeper into a blissful abyss, textured grass of the meadow in your mind morphing into soft sheets, the sun a warm blanket and Taehyung's hands on yours not in your hair but drifting lower, lower...

You let out a strangled moan when you realise his hands moving downwards isn't just in your dream, but in delicious reality.

"Shall we take this off?" his honeyed voice questions in a murmur, and it takes your fuzzy mind a moment or two to connect his voice to the feeling of a finger tugging at the strap of your bra where it meets the cup, his knuckles brushing against the swell of your breast.

Unable to form words, you nod breathlessly, eyes still clenched shut in pleasure.

Rather than remove it completely, Taehyung pushes the cups down, exposing you to the cool air. You hiss at the feeling on your peaked nipples, panting as his hands sweep down, pressing the flesh on either side of your breasts and cupping them in his hands. He must have stepped forward at some point, because you become aware of the way your back is tucked against his front, head at the level of his lower chest, and a distinctly recognisable hardness pressed to the middle of your spine.

The knowledge that he's getting off on this awakes your nerves even more, and when you feel his fingers come in, rolling your nipples just hard enough to feel, it's electric. You moan, sucking in gasps of air, his hands rising and falling with every shallow breath.

When Taehyung speaks again, his voice has changed; a little darker, fuller. "But you don't want to be in a meadow, do you? I bet you wish you were splayed out on a bed, feeling my hands all over you, touching you, teasing you, fucking you. Because my hands aren't the only thing you want, hm?" Your mouth never closes, an unending stream of moans and whimpers filling the air as he grinds himself slightly against you, hands slowly building up more pressure until he's kneading your breasts and tugging roughly at your sensitive peaks. You realise now why he stepped forward; you're pinned between him and his hands, writhing but unable to shake off the intense pleasure, though you wouldn't want to. He keeps you close as he bends down, hooking a leg over the coffee table so that he's sitting behind you, slipping his arms under yours to continue flicking and scraping your nipples, a new sensation of his teeth on your right earlobe joining the fray. You rock your hips, unable to find an angle that gives you any friction.

"You're such a dirty girl," Taehyung purrs in your ear, evoking a throaty groan in response. "Look at you, grinding at the table. I bet your pussy feels neglected, hm? Must be so wet for me and yet I won't touch it. I'll make you cum from this alone, make you soak your panties just from my hands on your perfect tits, how about that?"

"Please," you whimper, feeling a high begin to build inside you, but one deeper than you've ever felt before, coming from a new source.

Taehyung's fingers speed up, merciless as they wreck you, your nipples on fire even as they sing out in pleasure. He growls in satisfaction as you pant out his name. "That's it. You filthy little thing; getting off to this. Are you going to cum for us?"

You suck in a breath, brows furrowing. Us? As your climax draws unbearably close, you force your eyes open, keening when a cool gaze greets you, the lazy smile and unruffled appearance of Jimin, watching you from the couch.

The sight of him, so calm and collected, fully dressed in his usual formal attire compared to your half-naked debauchery, sends you over the edge unable to break his gaze as your thighs shoot together like you've been shocked, trembling with the force of your orgasm, Taehyung's fingers not letting up as he purrs sweet nothings into your ear, flooding your body with inescapable pleasure.

Jimin watches you intently as you fall apart in front of him, one leg crossed over the other and champagne silk shirt making his eyes seem even blacker in comparison. Though you'd been on camera the past two times you'd engaged in anything sexual, his gaze on you makes you cum harder than you ever have before, his unique quality of making you feel studied, analysed for every minute reaction.

Once you finally come down from your high, thighs shaking as they grind together and core throbbing, Taehyung takes your weight, letting you lean back against him. You tremble as he uncaps the bottle again, this time pouring a glossy streak directly on top of your breasts, the feeling of the cool liquid on your heated skin making you whimper and look down. Finally breaking Jimin's gaze, you watch Taehyung's hands collect the oil, massaging it gently over the tender skin, shushing you softly when you hiss and jump in oversensitivity.

As you gasp for air, the rest of your energy leaves you. Your head lolls back over Taehyung's shoulder weakly, and you sigh as he presses a single soft kiss, right at the base of your neck, past your collarbone.

"Show's over," he says in a low tone, the melodious flow replaced by his usual voice. It takes you a moment of confusion to realise that he isn't talking to you, but to Jimin.

You watch bleary-eyed as the blue-haired man stands up, smoothing out his pants before he steps up to the two of you. You go still in anticipation of him touching you, his eyes heavy as they run up and down your half-naked figure.

A single hand reaches out, fingers laden with silver, and you swear you don't even breathe. Rather than your breasts or your face, however, his fingers find your throat, tightening just slightly as he watches you intently, head cocked to the side.

You can feel the cold metal of his rings digging into your throat, and when he applies enough pressure to restrict your airflow slightly, you let out a thin whimper, hips rocking against the table.

With a cat-like grin, he takes his hand away quicker than it came, stepping back. "Thought so," he surmises with a lilt of satisfaction. His eyes lift up past you, to Taehyung. "Good show."

Before your mind catches up to what just happened, he's gone, the creak of the stairs the only sign that he was ever there.

You try to catch your breath, sitting up as your vision blurs for a moment, still feeling blissed out from the massage and orgasm. "Holy shit," you make out, "what the fuck just happened?"

Taehyung gets up off the table but reaches a hand out to steady you, still slippery with oil on your shoulder. "A good show, apparently," he quips, "though if you let me take you upstairs I can give you an even better one."

Your hair must be a mess, your panties are sticking to you uncomfortably with the evidence of your orgasm, and your bra is still shoved halfway down your chest, but you take one look at the need in his eyes and the tent in his pants and you're nodding. "Please, Tae. I need you."

His eyes fall shut for a moment, like he's savouring the comment, before he opens them again and fixes them on you. "Let's go clean you up. And then we can make an even bigger mess." He grabs the coconut oil, the one that he'd proudly declared had doubled as lube, and flicks you a wink.

Still with shaky legs, you slip your bra back on properly, wincing at the fabric over your sensitive nippes, and hastily slip on your shirt as you follow him up. “My bathroom?” you offer, knowing full well it would be bigger than his.

In front of you, making his way to the foot of the stairs, Taehyung pauses. “...Yeah,” he answers after a moment, “I think that counts.”

You furrow your brows in confusion, but let it slide, content to watch the outline of his ass in the thin cotton as he climbs the stairs. At the top, he turns right and makes his way to your room, opening the door with a bounce in his step.

Once inside, he beelines for the bathroom and curses lowly under his breath in awe. “This is huge,” he gushes. “A shower and a tub?” You watch in bemusement as he whirls around with a boxy grin on his face. “Can we have a bath, Y/n? With bubbles?”

His innocent glee combined with the fact that he was still rock hard in his pants makes you laugh. “Okay, sure, we can do that.” You make your way to the jacuzzi, but just as you’re reaching for the faucet, Taehyung stops you with a tug on your shirt.

“Not now,” he whines. “We haven’t had fun yet. C’mere.”

You let his grip on your shirt pull you back to him, enough momentum for him to dip his head and join his mouth to yours, the hand that grabbed at your shirt snaking around your waist to hold you close, your still-sensitive chest pressed against his. He kisses much like his massage; thorough, not holding back. His tongue runs over the seam of your lips hungrily, making you gasp, and he takes your parted lips as an invitation to devour you further, your head rocking back and force slightly with the depth of his motions. His free hand finds your hair again, winding it in his hand, tugging just enough to draw a moan from you, grinding against the hardness in pants.

“Taehyung,” you gasp as his teeth find your lower lip, nipping teasingly. “Please, I need you.”

He hums against you, licking into your mouth hungrily for one, two, three more moments before he pulls back, chest heaving. His eyes are like two points of black fire, burning into you from behind curls of hair, and the desire in his gaze has you breathless. “I’m gonna make you feel good,” he promises, ducking down to steal one last chaste kiss before he releases you, stepping away to grab a towel from the rack. It’s the same thick white kind of an expensive hotel’s, and he shakes it out, laying it on the floor. Grabbing another one but leaving it folded, he places it at the head of the towel, the side closest to the bathtub. “Let’s get these clothes off,” he guides with a husky voice.

You let him undress you, urgent but not rushed, placing every article of clothing on top of the vanity. You stand, breath hitching as he unhooks your bra, crowning each reddened nipple with a soft, reverent kiss. He kneels to undo the button of your jeans, sliding them and your panties down so smoothly that you don’t have time to be self-conscious before you’re naked. His fingers wind into yours, pulling you down and helping you lie down on your back. Your head is resting on the folded towel, and the feeling of the slightly rough fibres against your back, butt, and calves has you shivering.

“You just relax,” Taehyung murmurs from above you, running a comforting hand up and down your thigh as he kneels and uncaps the bottle of oil with one hand. You bite your lip, looking down your body to where he settles between your legs, spreading them. “Fuck, look at your perfect little pussy,” he swears. “So wet. Should we make it even wetter?”

You swallow and nod, gasping when he turns the bottle upside down, and a stream of glossy oil, slightly thicker than the other one, stripes across your lower abdomen in a broad arc. Taehyung looks so in his element as he caps the bottle and sets it beside him, palms flat as he collects the oil and spreads it, tongue peeking out of his lips in focus.

Due to being in the state of unbelievably turned on, even the feeling of his fingers slipping down the creases of your thighs has your muscles jumping, a jump as he skims past your core.

“Shh,” he soothes, voice dipping back into that sensual chant, “I’ve got you. Just relax. You can close your eyes if you want.”

But you shake your head. For now, you want to look up at him knelt between your legs, the shine of his elegant hands soaked in oils as they run over your inner thighs, stomach and mons pubis, avoiding where he knows you need him most. “It’s not fair,” you mumble, tongue feeling heavy in your mouth. “I’m naked, and you’re still fully dressed.”

He scoffs softly, barely more than a puff of air, but pulls back to lift his shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly away. One of the more tanned men in the house, he’s a bronzed god, hard chest and soft stomach, biceps flexing with every nimble movement as his hands return to your quickly heating body. “Better?”

“Better,” you answer with a pleased smile, eyes roaming over the smooth lines and shallow curves, the dusky brown of his nipples and the trail of baby hairs that lead below his bellybutton to the waistband of his pants, the elastic worn enough to hang low on his hips.

You let out a throaty sound of dissatisfaction as he continues to pass around your dripping core, rocking your hips up with a pout. "Tae," you whine, spreading your legs further apart. "Don't tease."

"But you look so beautiful when you're needy," Taehyung retorts with a smirk.

Just as you're about to protest, though, you feel a single finger slip down between your folds, rubbing against your clit. You moan openly at the sudden pleasure.

"Oh that's it, you're so gorgeous," the masseuse praises, his own chest hitching just from watching your reactions.

You groan, rocking your hips at that single finger as it simply runs straight up and down at a glacial pace.

"So needy, petal," he gushes, voice velveteen, "was the orgasm I gave you downstairs not good enough, hm?"

You pout. "It was good, Tae."

"Then why does my baby still want more?"

You pant, staring at him with pleading eyes. You don't know what he wants to hear, all you can think of is his finger lazily running up and down your core and the smirk on his face.

That same smirk widens into a grin, not boxy like usual, but darker, slightly asymmetrical. "Maybe you're just greedy, petal. Are you greedy, baby?"

You whine, legs tightening on either side of his waist. "I'm greedy, Tae, please just give it to me."

"Fuck," he swears under his breath, leaning over you to capture your mouth again, hot and needy as you finally feel his finger circling your entrance before plunging in in one slick thrust, curling inside you so that you moan into his mouth, keening underneath the pressure of his body on yours.

"Tae, fuck!" you cry as he pulls out to slip a second finger in, immediately crooking and curling them inside you like he's giving you a massage from inside. The thought has you shuddering, letting his mouth, his lips, his tongue swallow your moans of pleasure.

The sounds of his fingers as they fuck into you fill the room, and there's no way of telling what is oil and what is your own arousal, wetter between your legs than you've ever been before.

Expertly, his thumb finds your clit at the same time that he moves up to three fingers inside of you, and you cry out at the added sensation, falling apart under his trained touch.

"You're so beautiful," Taehyung pants in between passionate kisses, licking the inside of your mouth like it's oxygen. "I wanna feel you cum for me again, petal, can you do that for me?"

"Yeah," you make out, voice breaking as his fingers speed up. You can't stop moving, hips rolling and back trying to arch even as his body cages you down to the floor, mouth slack as he takes what he wants from your body, surrendered willingly.

He's so skilled with the hand between your legs that you don't realise he still has one free until you feel fingers close around one of your raw nipples, rolling the bud mercilessly. You scream into his mouth as you cum, vocal cords vibrating violently, vision whiting and body convulsing, pitched to heights as his hands speeds up impossibly, stroking at your g-spot and rubbing your clit. "That's it, you're so perfect, give it to me, Y/n."

You cry out again as his mouth leaves yours and instead ducks lower to nip at your neck, sucking a single point of colour at the base of your throat. Mouth now uncovered, your moans spill out unbidden, raising in pitch as the warm coil of pleasure turns sharp, your nerves overstimulated. "Fuh-fuck, too much," you sob, weak hands pushing at his until he pulls out.

As you fight to catch your breath, still shivering with aftershocks, Taehyung sits up, hands running smoothly up and down your sides, one slick with oil and one slick with you, though your mind is too heavy with pleasure to work out which is which.

"You did so well, deep breaths, baby," he guides in a voice like honey. It anchors you, brings your vision back and your mind back into your body. You blink, dazed, and stare up at him with an exhausted but satisfied smile. "There she is," he chimes warmly, eyes appraising you like he's proud of you. "Do you think you can cum one more time for me, petal? You're doing so well."

You let out a breathy. "Fuck. I don't-"

"I can just clean you up and help you to bed if you don't want to. I can take care of myself. You don't have to."

You bite your lip, gathering the energy it takes to lift your head off the towel, looking down to see him palming at his crotch just enough to relieve the pressure. Though you're sure he wouldn't hold it against you if you took him up on the offer, you can't deny that you want to be the one to make him cum, not his own hand.

"No, I want to go again," you decide, voice still quiet as your heart rate returns to normal. "But I'm still so sensitive."

He hums in thought. "We have options. It didn't say in your limit sheets that you were opposed to anal." Your breath hitches and you find yourself nodding, wanting to feel him inside you so desperately. "Good? Okay then, petal, I'm going to need you to turn over so I can get you ready for me, yeah?"

He helps you up, guiding you onto your knees, facing away from him and gripping the edge of the bathtub for support.

"Is this okay?" he checks one last time, and you nod, arching your back in response. Taehyung chuckles, punctuated by the sound of a cap clicking open. "So you are my greedy girl."

If there was a reply in your head, it dissolves the moment you feel a cold liquid running down your cheeks, cooling your heated core. You sigh, folding your arms on the edge of the bathtub and resting your head, eyes closing as the pressure of a single finger circles your ass, tight muscles fluttering at the contact.

"Relax for me," the masseuse coos as he breaches you, sinking in easily with the aid of the oil even as you clench around the intrusion.

There's something different about the pleasure like this. It feels deeper, primal, dirty as he slowly fucks into you, the tip of his finger crooking inside to ease your muscles.

You only realise that your hips are moving when he lays a forearm on your lower back, stilling you. You groan in frustration, but it just makes him laugh, pulling out of you to press in two fingers instead.

"Two orgasms and baby still wants more," he muses, speeding up his fingers to make you whimper, moans catching in your throat with every thrust.

"Fuck, yes, I need you now, Tae," you babble in a reedy voice, back arched under the pressure of his arm holding you steady. The room is filled with the smell of sex, but it's lifted by the floral tones of the oils he's used, and it makes your head spin, dizzy with arousal.

He pulls out his fingers, smacking your ass lightly. You wait with baited breath as he shucks his pants, letting them pool on the floor around his knees. You crane your head back to look at him, but he's already pressing his head to your entrance, pausing to pour some more oil over his length before he's snapping his hips and fucking into you, bottoming out on a single thrust.

The breath is punched out of your lungs, and your hands scramble to hold you steady against the edge of the bathtub as you cry out brokenly. "So full," you moan, toes curling.

Taehyung lets out a throaty growl as he stays sheathed in you for a moment, grinding his hips against your ass as you adjust. "Oh, fuck," he curses lowly. "So good, baby."

After another moment, you feel him shift inside you, like he's adjusting his stance. Reflexively, you grip onto the side of the bathtub, moments before he pulls out swiftly and thrusts back inside you, your whole body jerking with the force of it.

You let out a long moan, voice jumping every time his hips meet yours, shallow but quick strokes that have you drooling. With every slide of his cock inside you, so unbelievably slick with the excess massage oil, you feel yourself being fucked dumb, incoherent.

"Tae, Tae, yes, god, hngh, please Tae," you chant thoughtlessly as he fills you over and over again.

His growls of response and the slap of skin-on-skin surrounds you, flooding your senses.

"I'm not gonna last long," he warns, but you feel your own high building inside you, only needing a little more to send you over.

"Cum inside me," you gasp, "please, fuck."

He moans at that, not a low growl but a keening moan that's followed by him speeding up inside you, a hand finding your clit and stroking roughly over it with four fingers, desperate.

Your third orgasm hits you like a train, rendering your whole body boneless as he chases his high, cursing when you begin to clench around him. Unlike the other two times, you don't moan or cry out. Instead, the pleasure is so blinding that a single sound doesn't come out at all, your eyes rolling in your head and your limbs going slack.

He spills inside you moments later, hands sliding up to massage your breasts as ropes of cum paint your insides.

When the two of you come down and he pulls out of you, you can't feel your legs. He cleans you up with a towel soaked in warm water, but you're so far gone that you barely feel it, content to let him manipulate your body, eventually picking you up, your vision swirling as the next thing you feel is a mattress below you and a blanket above. You mumble something, not even knowing what, and let the smooth motions of a hand rubbing your back soothe you into sleep.

TAGLIST

All tags will now be in the comments as that’s the only way I can be sure you’ll get notified. Apologies!

2K notes · View notes

riverdale-retread · 3 years

Text

Riverdale S3 E20 (Spoilers)

- The Junior Prom episode, wherein terrible things happen to Betty and I was a bit disappointed she wasn’t truly harmed. I feel weird about enjoying watching a beautiful young woman in dire peril, screaming for help and running for her life. Normally I don’t like this kind of thing as entertainment, because this shit happens to vulnerable people all the time and it doesn’t sit right with me. But, in this narrative, this is what she deserves and oh god I feel really weird about this sentence. At least three unnamed people die at this prom because Betty Cooper is an arrogant obtuse fool so I sort of wanted her to bleed a bit, instead of being comforted by Jughead at the end of the evening.

Hal Cooper Fake Death - The bus transporting prisoners has blown up, so Betty takes Veronica to see if her dad has died, and Veronica is the right person to call because they both kind of want their dads to die and kind of not.

Sidebar: How do titles work in Riverdale, the town? Mayor McCoy is always Mayor McCoy until she’s Attorney McCoy and everyone calls her Attorney McCoy throughout. Dr Curdle Jr. is called all three of those things every single time even though Dr. Curdle Sr is long dead by this point. And yet FP is just Mr. Jones and not Sheriff Jones to Veronica and Betty. Do the residents all have some sort of board like on Tumblr (ahem) where they can specify how they want to be addressed?

Veronica (and Archie)

- Veronica later getting into Harvard is possibly the most justified Harvard acceptance in the history of people getting into Harvard on TV and I fully dispute that it was due to Hiram nepotism. Veronica decides that it’s her job to just help everyone level up when no one (OTHER THAN REGGIE, THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER DIRECTLY HELPS VERONICA AND SACRIFICES THINGS FOR VERONICA) helps her do anything. She’s an only child with eldest daughter impulses. Her semi-ex boyfriend that she wants back gets into boxing so then she learns everything about it right away and becomes The Best Amateur Boxing Manager. She turns a profit on her own business, for which NONE of her “main four” friends volunteer any time or any tips or anything at all, and then decides she will funnel that money directly into Archie’s struggling venture. When Veronica does seek help, she always figures out how to compensate that person for the help provided, and asks in a respectful way every time.

- HOWEVER, what I find horrible about Veronica is that she’s just such a desperate fucking doormat for Archie. She makes a huge logical fallacy about Archie. She seems to think because Archie is the opposite of Hiram (stupid v smart, guileless v wily, impulsive v scheming) he must be Good/ Jedi to Hiram’s Bad/Sith but actually, the key thing Veronica should’ve focused on is that Archie likes to harm people himself, directly, while looking right at them, and Hiram does not.

- Doormat Veronica is completely unable to prevent Archie from destroying himself at all whatsoever. The eating disorder montage - ice baths! sweat suits! - gets Eye of the Tiger because this is what Archie learned from that one time he watched Rocky on cable, and as per usual Archie is wrong. He plunges on with the doubled booked second match because he’s a moron, overrides and embarrasses Veronica when she tries to help him out, and then gets a concussion. I hate Archie again.

- Oh and did I howl in rage when Veronica says “we” about Varchie and Archie picks up on it and they quietly celebrate being a “we” again like REGGIE DIDN’T GO THROUGH WHAT HE WENT THROUGH WITH VERONICA ??

Mary Andrews (and Archie)

- Mary Andrews says she isn’t here to stop Archie from boxing, but then won’t support him, and then says she didn’t even want him playing football which by the way, why can’t Archie go back to playing football??

- Punching his punching bag really REALLY hard as soon as his mother refuses him something is a really terrible thing to do, but Mary is too ineffectual as a mother to do anything about it, and this presages him destroying that tv with the baseball bat in her presence later. By the way, we cut immediately from Archie punching the punching bag to Betty shooting the heck out of a target. Barchie are united by their enjoyment of and capacity for violence.

- And anyway Mary wasn’t lying - she does to channel this new thing for boxing into a more productive future oriented way - by bringing her secret girlfriend/recruiter from Naval Academy, but not before Archie forges her signature, tries to give himself organ failure, and chooses to risk brain damage instead of just telling his mom to bring the recruiter to the one match he has (but it’s just as well, because he loses).

- Archie is a gifted athlete. It’s established in universe and anyway, he moves so very well so we all agree on this. His problem is that he has the same arrogance problem as Betty - he keeps refusing guidance, refusing coaching, graduates himself too early to pro-level when he should go through things stage by stage. That’s why his performance is so erratic.

The Jones Family

- I really like how Jughead is with Jellybean. This is a calm, rational, amused Jughead of the type he used to be in the halcyon days of Jopaz when Toni managed to make him tone it down a bit.

- FP is really still very terrible at being Sheriff. I realize his arm is broken, but bringing in his son who is technically a witness to whatever it is that happened with Kurtz to where Kurtz used to crash is terrible form. And Jughead straight up steals the Gospel and FP has no idea whatsoever, but then this is FP who also didn’t see or smell Tall Boy’s giant corpse decomposing directly under his butt in the Bunker so this is not a surprise.

Bughead is 95% Jughead and Betty Is Totally WrOnG About Everything

- Betty has a completely unjustified superiority complex about never having played the GG game and as a result, she doesn’t take any of it seriously, which leads to every other kind of bad thing in this episode. Her self-absorption is also insufferable - it’s not important if it’s not about Betty. (See c.f., Veronica - it’s not important if it’s just a pure Veronica issue). I want Jughead to be loved, so I want Betty to love Jughead, but it’s so hard to find! If Betty wasn’t so very beautiful, with her lovely face and sweet voice and sexy figure, would we want Jughead stay with a girl who behaves like this?

- Betty manages to say to Jughead that she’s sorry Gladys is gone, so, that’s nice. But in the immediate next second, she straight up rolls her eyes when Jughead brings up the on-going Gargoyle King problem, when he was so sympathetic and kind when she was ranting on about something they all thought was crazy - her idea that her dad had survived a hand amputation and a bus explosion.

- Back in the Serpent Lair, Betty is staring at Hal’s photo on the Parentdale Murder Wall they’ve rigged up because doing crafts is Bughead Foreplay while Jughead is reading the Gospel. Betty is so! annoyed! by all the things to do with GG, and that’s because she is not the center of it. This is kind of her blind spot as an investigator - both of the Farm and of GG. Whatever she’s not the center of, Betty just finds so boring.

I like how Jughead thinks Betty is thissss close to losing it, throughout this episode. He’s watchful and wary. Jughead says “if you need a couple days, you take a break’ so carefully. When Betty is putting together her cockamamie theory that Edgar = Gargoyle King, Jughead keeps trying to steer her towards sanity but he’s just so very kind to her. “I know that Edgar’s been messing with your family” he begins, and she interrupts with Think about it (which is Condescension 101) but even if she hadn’t, I don’t think he would’ve completed the thought with but it’s not always just about you. Jughead’s face throughout is concerned, rather than persuaded.

It looks really cozy and colorful in the Serpent Lair, by the way. Domestic Jughead strikes again!

- So Jughead goes to the Farm to protect Betty and be her backup but he knows she’s wrong, which is why he hangs back and she says all that stuff by herself. Bughead Hive Mind is not activated. Jughead really understands Betty: She won’t listen to anyone (including Jughead) about anything, and has to have the humiliating slap in the face in order to back down. So Jughead lets her do this, and then is there to cushion the fall (’Don’t worry about it, it’s a relief your mom isn’t marrying a second serial killer’ with the CUTEST LITTLE SMILE and Exhale of Companionship). He allows this entire time and energy wasting interlude that Betty insists on before he continues on the right track, which is to study the Gargoyle Gospel.

- Betty just does not understand Edgar whatsoever. He would never, ever, not for a second, even consider doing a thing where his face and torso are covered. The man is too vain for that.

- Hal, by the way, or is it Penelope , or is it Kurtz?? Whoever it is that decided to call Betty out just alone to meet the Gargoyle King also understands her egotistical vanity perfectly Of course she would think the G-King would want to talk only to her. She’s the great Betty Cooper, egomonster. She doesn’t comply so much to save the other attendees of the Prom, she goes because she agrees with the invitation’s implication that she is the Most Important Girl in The World. Her vanity is such that she doesn’t even wait for the Bughead Hive Mind to kick in and for Jughead to just turn around and make eye contact, because you know that the second that she does, he would get it. Betty keeps choosing her own vanity above Jughead.

- Betty’s entire analysis and summation of the G&G game and Gospel is that it was to get her together with her Dad because the Coopers are Important. Jughead, noticeably, does not voice agreement with this, because it’s wrong. He doesn’t correct her, because he’s kind.

- Betty ends with deciding to stay on the Farm without any sort of consultation with Jughead, which means she thinks the Farmies, which are 90% women with one psycho male leader are going to offer her better protection than the Serpents, the Poisons, and Archie’s boxers combined. That’s how little respect she has for her friends, by the way. She thinks Edgar can protect her because he beat her once.

OK fine so, some cute Bughead:

- Betty loves asking Jughead to do this super normal boyfriend girlfriend thing, going to the prom, because this is how far he’s come, really as a person, to just like doing nice fun things with his girlfriend. I love how she asks him all warm and teasing, and how his face almost bursts apart from clamping down on the big stupid grin spreading across his face.

- Bughead sidling up to a sad, dispirited Cheryl like doing their Mind Twins act - same expressions, one thought two mouths - like a pair of demon Mormons never! gets! old! I also adored Jughead’s raspberry of disbelief at how easily Cheryl just lets them do whatever, because she no longer cares.

Pretty Poisons is the Best Gang (> Serpents, Ghoulies, Gargoyles)

- Despite that bitchy thing Jughead said about the Pretty Poisons being Cheryl’s vanity project, it turns out they are actually a much sturdier group than the frigging Serpents because their spiritual leader and their sponsor both get whisked into a cult (because of BETTY USING EVERYONE) and yet they stay loyal to each other, elect Peaches as the leader, and have internal cohesion. Eat it, Jughead. Also Peach’s lipstick game is just perfect.

Hal and Edgar’s Sexual Fixations:

- Hal finally gets to play a game of G&G to which he was never invited nor told about in high school. Poor dumpy stupid Hal. He must’ve helped Kurtz write this Gospel (because it’s Kurtz, right?) and definitely co-wrote the things in Prom Night, because he knows Betty’s vanity and need to be the One Special Girl all the time. He does this so he can chase the daughter who has not yet given birth around and manhandle her and make her scream (vomit in my own mouth).;

Same vein: Why does Edgar want to only keep girl children and gay boys, hmm???

#i want to like betty cooper #because i want jughead's love to be justified #but i just don't see it and it makes me frustrated and sad #jughead jones #veronica lodge #justice for reggie mantle #mary andrews #the farmies of riverdale #the pretty poisons #riverdale #riverdale recap #riverdale episode recap

18 notes · View notes

writer-ish · 4 years

Text

hopeful hearts

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Brooke Spiers)

Word Count: 2,515

Rating: T (for now)

special thanks to: @openheartthot for being lovely and supportive and the inspiration for this piece, in part due to all the hard work she does with the chapter scripts each week. ♥️

Notes: This takes place during the Gala, before and after Ethan and MC’s very public kiss.

I wanted to flesh out this beautiful scene in a way that breathed new life into it, delving into the psyche of these characters and further detailing their thoughts and feelings in those lovely moments. PB gave us a lot with this chapter... but sometimes, it still doesn’t quite feel like enough.

In other words, please enjoy my self-indulgence.

Dr. Brooke Spiers sighs heavily as she shifts from foot to foot, hoping to ease the ache that is beginning to grow in her toes. The shoes she had touted as “so comfortable!” just a few hours earlier now seem like devices specifically designed to torture her into revealing state secrets.

She is tired.

The night is wearing thin, the sheen of such a spectacular display starting to dull around the edges. She finds herself longing for the more ascetic hospital she’d grown used to over the past two years. The decor is already tiresome; she craves the familiarity of its former sterility.

I should be walking these grounds saving asses and not kissing them, dammit.

She sighs again, her eyes casting about, looking for a reprieve of some sort.

She finds it almost immediately in one Dr. Ethan Ramsey. Exactly the familiar and welcome sight she’d required. It still amazes her how finding his form in a crowded hall or room can immediately set her at ease. As though something just clicks into place whenever he’s near.

Ah, says her soul each time. There he is.

She watches as the donor Ethan had been speaking to walks away. Continues to watch as Ethan’s shoulders sink, the man physically deflating before her eyes.

He looks exhausted, she thinks, a pang in her chest as she briefly allows herself to consider how full his plate of worries is. She watches as he heads to the bar and she finds her feet taking her in the same direction, practically of their own volition.

He looks up as she approaches and she catches the slight softening of his gaze, even as his full mouth stays in a hard line.

“Holding up okay?” she asks, hearing the gentle sympathy creeping into her tone.

“Ask me once I get this next drink,” is his curt response, as he gestures to the bartender.

“That bad, huh?” His abruptness no longer bothers her. She recognizes the surface-level gruffness for what it is: a shield. To protect a man who already has the world on his shoulders from caring about too many things all at once.

He proves her correct when he performs his telltale stress maneuver: squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. Something is bothering him.

She waits patiently for him to tell her what it is, like she knows he will.

“I just wonder…” Bingo. “How did we come to this, Brooke? We should be solving cases, not rubbing shoulders with smug idiots in bowties.”

She nods slowly, resisting the urge to run her hand over his tense shoulders.

“I know how much you dislike this sort of thing,” she says softly, looking up at him through her lashes.

His breath catches almost imperceptibly as he stares back at her.

“For whatever it’s worth,” she continues, “I’m really proud of you for stepping up anyway.”

She can see how her words impact him through the way his nostrils flare, the piercing blue of his gaze narrowing with the dilation of his pupils.

He clears his throat and blinks the expression away quickly, turning back towards the bar. When he speaks again, his tone is dry. Back in control.

“Stepping up, as you put it, is necessary.”

As he speaks, the bartender slides him his drink. Ethan catches the glass and lifts it to his lips in one fluid motion, throat working as he swallows in a single swig.

“I always told myself I'd do whatever it took to save lives,” he says after a pause. “Whatever extreme measure was required. Which is why I'm compromising myself this way. You showed me that 'whatever it takes' includes making moral sacrifices, too. In fact…”

He pauses again, his eyes catching hers once more. She allows him to gather his words, sensing the weight of them.

“Somehow,” he continues eventually, “you've managed to make them without weakening your convictions or becoming jaded and cynical.” He shakes his head, as though the thought of it is a marvel to him.

“Ethan…” God, the way he makes her feel. There had never been a man like this one when it came to the effects of his fleeting words of praise. She would bend over backwards for a single throwaway acknowledgement, every time.

How embarrassing. Clearing her throat, she tries to gather the shards of her scattered thoughts (and dignity).

“Everyone knows how much you do to save people.”

He lets out a humourless laugh. “In the diagnostics office, sure, but have I really done everything I could? If I'd listened to you sooner, would we really be in this situation right now?”

The stark, self-directed derision in his tone gives her pause. Had he ever doubted himself in this way before?

Her hands itch to reach for him, but she holds back out of the agreements they’ve made, unspoken and not. Instead she settles for saying his name again, the syllables falling off her tongue like a caress. “Ethan…”

She sees how it hits him, in the way that his eyes close briefly and a slight, almost indiscernible shiver runs through him. She doesn’t realize that she’s caught her lower lip between her teeth until she feels the sharp pain of it.

Until his eyes catch on it and he swallows hard, before tapping the counter for another drink with a sigh.

“Honestly, it's not even the shilling for money that's bothering me. It's letting Naveen down.”

The words send a shock through her. Naveen? “What? What are you talking about?”

He rests his elbows on the bar, leaning forward as he waits for his drink, and stares at some distant point beyond them both.

“When I lose a patient, I stay up half the night turning possibilities over in my head. Things I could have done differently.”

She knows this. Knows how she does the same.

“And I can't help but wonder what would be different now, with the hospital, if I hadn't been so damned stubborn.” He rakes a hand through his hair with an aggravated sigh, then drops his clenched fist to his side. “Now that I see what I could have done…” He shakes his head. “How will I tell Naveen that his legacy fell apart...because of me?”

The vulnerability in his tone almost cracks her composure. She opens her mouth to respond, to tell him how ludicrous, how irrational he’s being, when a new voice chimes in from the side, fond amusement evident.

“I suppose you would say exactly that!”

Brooke and Ethan both turn, mouths agape at the sight of Naveen standing right behind them.

Ethan recovers first and remarks dryly, “You know it's rude to eavesdrop.”

“True,” Naveen acquiesces, the cheeky grin never leaving his face, “but I never could resist a juicy conversation. Besides, I think this concerns me fairly closely, don't you?”

Brooke silently looks over to Ethan, who is staring at his mentor with a furrowed brow and conflicted gaze. He doesn’t speak and neither does she, both waiting for Naveen to continue, likely for different reasons.

He doesn’t disappoint.

“Ethan…” His tone is soft now, though the good humour and affection remain, “you do know that what I built here, what you helped me to build...it was never about my legacy, or even about Edenbrook.”

Ethan is already nodding. “It was about the mission. For the people with nowhere else to go.”

“Precisely!” Naveen exclaims, as though Ethan has once again proven himself to be a diagnostic wonder. “And no matter what happens to Edenbrook, that mission will never end.” A grin splits his weathered and jovial face. “You'll carry it on wherever you go.”

Brooke feels her heart soar, as though Naveen’s words were meant for her, too. She knows what this validation means for Ethan - what it has always meant. Tears well up in her eyes as she looks over at him and sees the emotion in his own face.

“You really believe that, Naveen?” The question is quiet, though the gravity of it remains clear to them all.

Naveen shakes his head fondly, before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around a shocked Ethan. Brooke sees how it takes him a moment to register the embrace, before he fiercely brings his arms around his mentor in return. The men slap each other’s backs once, twice, in a masculine acknowledgement of brotherhood, understanding, and even love.

After a moment, Naveen pulls back and holds Ethan at arm’s length, strong hands gripping broad shoulders.

“My friend,” he says, “it's the most important belief I hold. And for maintaining that legacy?” There’s a twinkle in his eye as he speaks his next words: “I couldn't be more proud of you.”

Ethan’s own eyes glisten as Naveen gives him one final pat, before turning and walking back into the gala, a smile on his face.

They’re alone once more. Brooke glances over at Ethan, unsure of what kind of emotion she might see on his face. It surprises her to see him clear-faced, eyes bright. He stands tall, taller than before as if that were even possible. He looks suddenly unburdened. Reinvigorated.

“So,” she begins and he almost visibly startles as he looks at her. The heat of his gaze washes over her, his eyes sweeping her up and down, the way they had when he walked into her apartment for the first time that afternoon. She swallows, feeling her nipples peak beneath the bodice of her dress, even as she tries to ignore her body’s response to him.

Clearing her throat, she continues: “What's next for Dr. Ethan Ramsey now that he's not so 'damn stubborn' anymore?”

Her lips quirk in a smile, even as she watches him closely, finely attuned to his next move—the way she would watch a tiger let loose from its cage. A thrill runs through her at the look in his eyes.

“I…” When he speaks, his voice is hoarse, and his body leans towards her almost unconsciously. “The thing is, I've been meaning to…” He shakes his head suddenly, as though frustrated with himself. “Oh, to hell with it.”

She barely has time to gasp before Ethan’s hands are on her, the tips of his fingers weaving into the loose curls at the nape of her neck. He draws her to him forcefully, loose limbed and sure of himself, and she has nowhere to go but along for the ride.

Their lips meet and it’s not the first time or the second or the tenth, but it’s revelatory nonetheless, an absolution and a celebration all at once.

She’s dimly aware that an audience is growing, but she can’t bring herself to care, focused instead on wrapping one arm behind his back and carding the other hand through his hair, his clipped locks silken beneath her fingers and slightly stiff from whatever product he’d used.

She tightens the hold she has on his hair and he groans softly into her mouth, wrapping his arms around her tighter. The kiss is soft, open, and wet, and she feels the lazy trail of its spark make its way from her lips, down her chest, and further still until she presses against him even harder, heated and restless.

“Ooooh!”

“Oh my god…”

“I knew it!”

A cacophony of exclamations around them slowly bring them back to reality. Brooke feels her feet gently touch the ground once more and Ethan’s strong arms loosen their hold on her slightly. He pulls away after a moment, breathing heavily, seeming as reluctant to part from her as she is to let him go. Their breaths intermingle as the last few wolf whistles and catcalls die down and the Gala attendees go into their dark corners to gossip further about what they’ve just seen.

Brooke is dimly aware that a song has begun to play, only because the tune almost feels as though it’s an extension of their kiss, slow and melodious as it is.

Ethan strokes her back and pulls away completely, before offering his hand.

“Shall we?”

She resents him his composure, looking only slightly mussed and otherwise perfect, his bowtie barely askew, while she is certain she resembles a feral raccoon, emerging from the dumpster.

“I don't know, Dr. Ramsey,” she murmurs, attempting to regain the upper hand ever so slightly. “I thought this wasn't even a date.”

She likes to throw his own words back at him, even good-humouredly, as a reminder that he best not deny what they have any longer. That he is as inextricably tied to her as she is to him.

He grins unabashedly, immediately taking her meaning.

“Just shut up and take my hand.”

The commanding tone in his voice sends a pleasant warmth zinging through her and she finds herself placing her hand in his before she’s even aware of what she’s doing.

He leads her out to the dance floor and wraps an arm around her, his hand resting on the small of her back. She can feel eyes on them both and it makes her tingle a little unpleasantly. She’s dimly aware of the knowledge that this was what he was trying to protect her from, all this time.

“I can’t believe you just kissed me like that,” she breathes, leaning into him ever so slightly, “in front of the entire hospital.”

He squeezes the hand he has in his own and softly presses her further into him. She inhales the scent of his cologne, masculine and sweet, and realizes that, despite her discomfort at being the centre of attention, there’s no place she’d rather be in this moment.

“It just doesn't feel like I need to pretend anymore,” he admits, his deep voice a gruff whisper as they sway.

“That was a very public way to get over your concerns.”

He shoots her a crooked grin that leaves her breathless. “It felt freeing, didn't it? There are some things crowds are good for,” he adds, slyly.

His hold tightens on her and she tries to get even closer to him, shifting restlessly, her breasts pressing against his chest. She has a sensation that surpasses contentment - a crawling need for the man before her, a need to be near him, even closer than she already is. Perhaps closer than they’ve ever been.

“Then again,” she whispers, her voice catching slightly. His gaze zeroes in on her mouth. She can feel his body, hard and alert, flush with hers, “there are some things crowds aren’t as good for.” She looks up at him, slightly breathless, watching as he captures and holds her meaning.

“True…” he murmurs, leaning forward and bringing his mouth to the shell of her ear. “But that's why they invented private offices. No need to pretend there. Or worry about who's watching.”

She swallows hard, her breath shaky.

She knows everyone’s eyes are still on them, awaiting their next move. What leaving now would mean for them, for her, in the eyes of the hospital and her peers.

The real question was: how much did she care?

✨✨✨

[if you’re interested in reading the “office scene”, feel free to let me know... I might just be persuaded to continue this thing ☺️]

#open heart #open heart fanfic #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #open heart 2 #choices open heart #oh #oph #my fics

130 notes · View notes

ri-ahhh · 4 years

Note

Okay but hear me out: Grayson begging to come with you to take care of your baby siblings (like 2 and 4 years old) and he’s ON IT but then they get really out of hand and he’s like “I can see why birth control is a thing”

Listen I worked in a daycare for four years and I’m a firm believer that anyone wanting to have a kid needs to work that job for a week. Or like, forget the stupid baby dolls you take care of in high school, let a 15 yr old take care of 5 babies or 10 2 yr olds by themselves and see if they’ll have unprotected sex lol

You’re walking around your apartment, straightening up the place and removing anything potentially breakable or that might be a choking hazard in preparation for the day you promised to babysit your niece and nephew, when your phone buzzes in the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hello?” you answer, unplugging a stray phone charger from the wall socket by the couch and replacing it with one of the childproof plastic covers.

“Hey,” came Grayson’s voice on the other end of the line. “What time do you think you’ll head over?”

You pause in the middle of the room, confused momentarily, then smack your palm to your forehead. You had totally forgotten the plans you had made with your boyfriend to have a pool day at his house.

“Shit. I’m sorry, Gray. I totally forgot, I told my brother like three weeks ago that I’d watch his kids for the day while he and his wife go house hunting.”

“Oh, damn,” he says, disappointed. His voice perks up when he speaks again, however. “I love kids, though! What if I came over and helped you out?”

You raise an eyebrow. “You want to spend your Saturday wrangling two toddlers? They’re little hellions, babe, to put it nicely.”

You can hear his grin through the phone. “Yeah. I wanna see you be an auntie.”

After a few seconds of hesitation, you relent. You’d be lying if you tried to say that you aren’t thinking about him being in dad mode for the day now, too. “Alright, but you don’t get to bail when shit hits the fan. Let me check that it’s cool with my brother.”

An hour later, you’ve got your just-turned-two niece Cami and her four year-old brother Cash sitting on your couch, entranced by Aquanauts playing on the TV, when Grayson knocks at the door. The kids’ heads jerk up, and your nephew looks at you questioningly, always excited for the opportunity to be a big boy and answer the door. You smile and nod, giving him permission to scramble off the couch with you following close behind.

You help him heave the door open, and he looks up at Grayson standing there, friendly smile fixed on his face when he sees your nephew.

“Hey, little man! Can I come in?”

Cash nods with an excited smile of his own. You had already told him that your friend Grayson would be coming over to play with them. Outgoing and extroverted and a genuine people-person to no end, he had been as jittery and excited as if you had given him a spoonful of sugar ever since.

Grayson steps past the threshold of your apartment, and holds his fist out for Cash to bump. “I’m Grayson.”

You feel two little hands tug on your shirt, and you look down to see Cami reaching up to be held, curious about this new person but also cautious. You sweep her up and settle her on your hip, then nod at your nephew. “Gray, this is Cash. Tell him how old you are, bud.”

“Four!” he shouts, counting out the correct number of fingers before holding them up to Grayson. “I had a Spider-Man party! Do you like Spider-Man?”

“Dude, I love Spider-Man,” Grayson says exaggeratedly, giving Cash an enthusiastic high-five. He looks at Cami, who’s got her head resting on your shoulder as she watches this stranger interact with her brother. “And who’s this?”

“You gonna tell Grayson your name?” you ask Cami, knowing it’ll be hit or miss if she does or not. Much more of an introvert and also used to having an older silbling do everything for her, she isn’t quite as quick to warm up to people as her rambunctious brother. Sure enough, today is a no-go, but she still observes Grayson with big eyes and a fascinated little smile.

Before you can answer your boyfriend, Cash speaks for her in that typical older-sibling fashion. “Her name is Campbell, but we call her Cami. Or Cam.”

“No way! My sister’s name is Cam, too!”

That’s all the small talk and mutual ground Cash needs to grab Grayson by the wrist and drag him into your living room to play with the pile of toys on the rug. He flashes you a grin as he passes, clearly impressed with himself that he’s already made such good friends with Cash.

You grin and roll your eyes, but follow them and sit with your back resting against the couch and Cami planted in your lap.

Admittedly, Grayson is a natural as he makes all the appropriate dinosaur and car crash noises and gladly accepts the Batman action figure instead of Spider-Man. He even coaxes Cami to take one of the animal figures, meeting her smile with a bright one of his own, glad to be making some headway now with the precious little girl in your arms.

Until Cash catches sight of the little plastic tiger now in Cami’s hands, and decides to ruin the moment completely.

“That’s mine, Cam!” he shouts, dropping Spider-Man and snatching the toy from her.

You know it’s coming, but Grayson is completely unprepared for the shrieking scream that Cami lets out as she clambers off your lap to take back the toy. Gray winces and looks at you in shock, but you’re just immediately going into ‘stop the fight’ mode.

“Cash, you weren’t even playing with that,” you reprimand, holding out your hand for him to reluctantly drop the toy into. You sit Cami on the rug next to him and make her look you in the eye. “Cami, use your words next time. What do you say when you want something?”

Her eyes light up when she sees the toy in your hand that she knows is about to belong to her once again. “P’ease!” she says, swiping her hand across her chest as well, leftover baby sign language engrained in her little brain.

You hand her the toy and make her say ‘thank you’ as well, then catch Grayson watching you in awe. “You handled that well,” he says.

You blush a little and shrug, crawling across the carpet now that the kids are happy and occupied so you can plant a soft kiss to his lips. “Hi,” you murmur, grinning against his mouth.

He chuckles and kisses you again, equally as chaste. “Hi.”

There are a couple more arguments that you have to stop, then they settle down for a bit while they eat a morning snack of banana slices and Cheerios. Cami definitely dumps her half-empty bowl on the floor to signify that she’s finished, and Cash accidentally spills his water everywhere after taking the lid off because ‘he’s not a baby.’ Grayson offers to clean it up while you take the kids to the bathroom to wipe Cami’s messy hands and face and to change Cash’s soaking wet clothes.

There’s a park nearby your apartment, so once everything is tidy again, the two of you round up the excited little balls of energy and head out the door. Both kids have easily become infatuated with Grayson, and as the four of you walk the sidewalk on your way to the park, he carries Cami on his hip while holding tightly on to Cash’s hand to stop him from chasing bugs into traffic. It’s an adorable image, to say the least, and makes your chest swell warmly.

You like watching him run around with Cash equally as much while you push Cami on the baby swings. Grayson is learning first-hand that even someone as in-shape as himself is no match for the energy of an excited four year-old. He chases Cash around the playground, flies him around like an airplane, and plays a game of tag before finally convincing him to come to the swings as well.

You laugh when he makes his way over, panting heavily. “Having fun?” you ask amusedly.

Grayson doesn’t answer, just takes his place behind the swing Cash chooses and catches his breath for a moment as he starts to push him.

“Just trying to figure out how my dad did this with me and E.”

Lunch and nap come next, which goes a little smoother than snack had. Grayson plays with them on the floor again while you cook, and you let him put out the squabbles himself until everything is ready. Cash only puts up a small fight when you lay them down in your bed. They’re both out in a matter of minutes, exhausted by the activities and excitement of their morning.

When you emerge back in the living room, you find Grayson slumped on the couch, staring at the TV that’s now playing Dora.

“Brushing up on your Spanish?” you ask, plopping down next to him and snuggling up to his side. “Or are you watching for the adventure?”

Grayson chuckles and wraps his arm around your shoulder so he can pull you closer to him, his voice gruff and tired. “You were right. Hellions, both of them. Cute, but insane.”

You tip your head up to kiss the underside of his jaw. “For what it’s worth, they loved you.”

“Really?” he asks, his voice lighting up with the smile you can’t see.

You nod against his chest, grinning as you think back on the day. “Absolutely. Cami never takes to strangers that fast, and you were able to keep up with Cash, which is a feat not many others can do.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Kinda makes me scared to have kids now. It’s only been like five hours and I’m already exhausted.”

“You’re meant to be a dad Gray,” you assure him quietly, lifting your head and offering him a gentle smile. “If I didn’t already know that before, everything I saw today definitely made me think so. And no good thing comes easy, right? I think being a little tired is worth having one of those of your own, don’t you?”

“For sure,” he nods, cupping your cheek and dipping down to kiss you softly.

You hum into his mouth, needy for him now that you’ve got him all to yourself, and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down until you’ve got him sprawled our on top of you. You trace his lips with your tongue before slipping it between them, but at the first slide of it against his, Grayson pulls back.

“Is this okay, you know, with them...?” He nods down the hall to the closed door of your room.

You nod. “They’re heavy sleepers. We should probably keep it to over the clothes stuff just in case, though. And my brother will be here in an hour to get them, so we only have to wait until then.”

It’s enough to satisfy him, and Grayson ducks down again, ready to pick right back up, until he breaks away from your mouth once more.

“What?” you ask breathily, looking up at him with both confusion and frustration.

He reaches an arm behind you to grab the remote sitting on the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry, I just can’t make out while Dora is screaming at me to ‘vamonos.’”

#dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fic #blurb #g blurb

167 notes · View notes

euphoria-vmin7 · 4 years

Text

tiger flower 02 | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre/warnings: angst, hanahaki! au, non-idol! au, heartbreak, unrequited love, swearing, drinking, sad ending, implied/mentions of death

word count: 4,805

summary: the petals were supposed to be your secret.

rating: pg-15 (swearing and drinking)

– a/n: tiger flower was actually just supposed to be one part. i had no plans of writing a part two BUT since quite a few of you asked for it, I got inspired and wrote this. it turned out longer than i expected tbh. there’s a lot of angst and crying in this but honestly, that was expected with this au lol. i hope you guys like this :)

reposting this cuz i had some technical difficulties oops-

read part 1 here

Jungkook felt an odd mixture of confusion and worry. Normally, he’d be used to you acting crazy and all, but this was different. He watched with concern as you took another lazy swig from the bottle of beer in front of you. Though, the fact that you were drinking wasn’t what was concerning him. It was the way you were acting.

Jungkook had known you for years now. He had been with you on the first night the two of you had ever gotten drunk. And to this day you had always been the same while tipsy: loud, energetic, and giggly. There wasn’t a single time he could name where you had been any different. He couldn’t even count on his fingers how many times he’d have to shush you in between giggles as you shouted random words that seemed to make sense in the middle of the bar. Crazy, loud drunk had defined you for as long as he could remember.

And though sometimes it frustrated him to no end, he found it endearing all the same. In fact, tonight he had been counting on it. He had called you to come out for a drink with him in hopes of feeling a bit more cheerful after watching you get drunk. He needed to get cheered up.

Though, instead, tonight you were different.

You were hunched over and quiet and zoning out too easily. The happy, cheerful, boisterous drunk in you had disappeared and instead been replaced by this. Whatever this was.

He briefly worried that his frown lines would permanently etch themselves to his young face.

Jungkook had been having relationship problems. That had been the sole reason why he had invited you out tonight. Though he and Jieun had only been dating for roughly three and half months, they had fought one too many times already. He loved her, he really did. But the two of them were so different in personality, that when they clashed, it didn’t end up pretty.

Another more selfish reason had drawn him to pulling out his phone and dialing your number that night. He hadn’t seen you in weeks. He had been texting you, calling you, and trying to catch up with you around campus, but every time he was brushed off in a hurried manner. He wondered whether he had done something to piss you off. But then he pushed the thought away because no, you always talked out your disagreements.

Maybe something was bothering you that you couldn’t tell him about. What it was made him frustratingly curious, especially considering that most of the times, you could always tell him about it. He’d understand. He knew you better than anyone, after all.

Or maybe it was just exactly as you said: “Sorry Kook, I’ve been trying to study for finals,”

Even though for the last few years you had always studied with him.

Maybe it was Jungkook himself. He knew that getting into a relationship had significantly reduced the time he had for you. Was he himself being distant? Perhaps you had grown so detached because he hadn’t even put in the effort to keep you close to him.

Whatever the reason was, Jungkook wished it was fixed soon. It was bad enough fighting with the girl he was dating. He didn’t want to feel your absence so deeply, either.

He thought that maybe your behavior in the past few weeks was being reflected in your drinking habits, too. Because now as he watched you gloomily take another chug of beer, he felt as though he was drinking with a different person.

He was tipsy himself, but felt as though he was seeing things much more clearly than usual. There were dark circles under your eyes that were not there before and he realized that you hadn’t once smiled fully since you arrived. You were different.

“(Name),” he nudged your shoulder, a bit surprised at how clear his own voice sounded. Your eyes lethargically moved to settle on him and he felt a bit hurt at the way you moved your body away, as though he had tainted you by the one touch.

“Yes Jungkook?” you drawled.

“What’s wrong with you?”

You snorted and chuckled. “What are you talking about?”

“Well for one you’re not standing on the table trying to imitate Jimin hyung’s dancing like usual, so what the fuck is wrong?”

“Maybe I’m just tired, Jungkook. You ever think of that?” you laughed quietly as you tipped your drink past your lips. Once again, he frowned.

“I guess…” he muttered, deciding not to push you too actively. He hoped the drinks he was paying for would help loosen your tongue. Help you spill your worries to him just as he had done to you a million times before.

“So…” you spoke up after another long gulp. “What’s with the sudden call?”

“We haven’t talked in weeks, Peanut,”

He didn’t notice how the nickname made you cringe.

“So I wanted to see you. Check in, you know?” he asked, looking down at his glass and traced the rim, feeling uncharacteristically shy. “If you were…doing okay,”

You smiled at him ruefully. He was so blissfully unaware of how everything he did made your heart swell and break at the same time.

“Kook,” you muttered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m seriously fine. I swear, I really had to study for finals and that’s why I haven’t been hanging with you as much. I’m sorry if I worried you,”

Jungkook released a breath, an unknown weight lifting from his chest. “Ah okay. Gotcha,”

You analyzed him for a solid second before leaning back a bit. “But that’s not the only reason you called me out tonight, is it Kook?”

He winced at your uncanny ability to pick his facade apart. “No…” he responded, a miserable tone overtaking his voice. “I just…Jieun and I have been fighting,”

He missed the way your shoulders sagged with utter disappointment. Though you knew deep down that his worry for you was genuine, the fact that he wanted to meet you for help with her stung in more ways than you cared to admit. You would never say that to him though.

Instead you raise your brows in surprise and show interest. “Oh? About what?”

“I’m…not really sure,” he replies, shrugging in defeat. “We just have petty fights. I don’t know where they come from but…they don’t end well at all,”

You hummed thoughtfully, finishing your drink and motioning to the bartender for another. “Did you two, have a conversation recently that ended…badly?”

Jungkook thought back to the previous week when she had casually brought up marriage and winced to himself. He hadn’t thought about the outcome of the conversation since it had happened, but with the way you were looking at him, worry swirling in your hazy eyes, he had the urge to spill.

“She was talking about the future,” he mumbled. “And I guess I couldn’t handle it,”

Your lips made an ‘O’ shape as you took in this piece of information. “What do you mean by ‘couldn’t handle it’?”

“I…” it seemed that despite you being much more drunk than he was, he was the one who was struggling to form words. “I just…couldn’t listen to it. And when I asked her to drop it…”

You hummed once again. “Well, I guess I understand why. You aren’t ready for that yet. But she’s started thinking about it, right?”

“Yeah exactly,” Jungkook nodded. “And like we’ve only been dating for a few months now. I didn’t even consider marriage when I started dating her,”

A stagnant pause took over the conversation and Jungkook quickly wondered whether he had said something unreasonable.

“Jungkook…” you asked quietly. “Do you…see yourself getting married to her in the future?”

He balked at the question, opening his mouth to respond but finding no answer. He stopped to think about it. Did he see a future with Jieun? Sure, he was crazy about her. Heck, he was pretty sure he was in love with her. But a future?

Could he see himself, years down the line, slipping a wedding ring onto her finger? Could he see himself, years down the line, holding their children by the arms and tossing them up to the sky, tiny giggles echoing in his ears?

He hadn’t even realized that he had shut his eyes, but when he had opened them, he saw you staring at him. God, why did you look so drained?

What happened to you?

Instead of posing these questions, Jungkook tried to give you an answer. “I…don’t know. I want to see a future with her. But right now…”

You nodded. You understood. Jungkook was younger than Jieun was. She had already lived through these few years that Jungkook still hadn’t reached. So perhaps he wanted to, just not yet.

“Tell her that then,” you replied with a soft smile.

“Tell her what?” he asked, confusion lacing his tone as he looked at you. You gave him a knowing look.

“Exactly what you feel. That you want to, but not yet,”

Your voice was tired, but not because of the drinks. Something was horribly wrong and Jungkook hated not knowing what it was. More than tired you sounded…broken.

“I…” he trailed off, looking at you with shiny doe eyes. You chuckled, patting him on the shoulder before placing cash on the table.

“Trust me. You guys will get over this. You need to tell her what you’re feeling though. Don’t just drop the conversation, you know?” you grinned. “Good luck, Kookie. I’m rooting for you two,”

You pulled your jacket off the barstool and slipped your arms through the sleeves. There was a pink flush in your cheeks and Jungkook watched the way your dim eyes sparkled with something new.

It wasn’t something good. It looked painful.

“I’m gonna go,” you sighed, pulling your hair out and over your shoulders. Jungkook was standing in a second, gripping your arm quickly, but gently. The touch made you stiffen.

“By yourself?” he frowned. “You’re drunk as hell, Peanut,”

“If you’re asking if I’m driving myself home, then no,” you snorted. “I’ll call a cab,”

“I’ll drive you,”

“Psh, if you think you’re in a place to drive, Kook, you’ve got another thing coming,” you giggled. “Just take a cab or call someone,”

“At least let me walk you there,” he said hurriedly. He slammed some cash down next to yours that roughly covered his expenses. Something was wrong. It was itching at his gut and bothering him to no end that you weren’t sharing your worries with him. You didn’t even remember that he had promised you he’d pay tonight. You opened your mouth to protest but he gave you a stern glare that had you sighing in defeat. You nodded mutely and turned to shakily walk out of the bar which had suddenly become far too loud for you. Your head was pounding as Jungkook’s heavy footsteps echoed in your ears when he hurried after you. He was at your side by the time you stepped out, taking a mouthful of the cold air to quell the familiar dizziness in your head.

You could faintly make out his sweet voice on the phone, calling you a nearby cab and giving the details of your location. You smiled weakly to yourself.

You found it harder than you expected to take proper steps and kicked yourself for drinking so much. Jungkook chuckled at you and felt his heart lift when you turned to smack him. He had the conscience to hold his arm out for you and the two of you walked down the street in relative silence. You mentally thanked Jungkook for letting you walk a bit before getting into a car. The nighttime air was doing wonders for your headache.

Jungkook glanced down at you, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he struggled to find a way to speak. How was he supposed to ask if you were okay yet again and expect a different answer?

“(Name)…” he asked.

“Hm?”

You weren’t looking at him. Lights shone in your eyes and for a second he believed that they were the ones he knew, but the bright buildings around him quickly diminished his hope.

“Are you okay?”

You grinned. “You’ve been asking me that, Jeon. And I keep telling you I’m fine,”

He watched your gaze travel around the city and he was hit with this unfounded feeling of longing.

I missed you.

“But you’re not fine,” he stressed, feeling frustrated in you and himself. “There’s something else bothering you and you’re not telling me,”

Your shoulders sagged and Jungkook mentally celebrated his victory. “I…” you started. “I promise, Kook. I’m really fine. I’ve just been studying so much and sleeping late…”

You sounded genuine. But he wasn’t sure. He used to be able to tell whether you were lying in a second. What happened?

“And…” you trailed off.

“And?” he urged, leaning closer to you.

“I’ve…been getting sick,”

He frowned at that. He never considered that it would be your health that was causing your avoidances.

“Sick?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I guess it has something to do with all the stress I’ve been putting on myself lately. But I’ve gotten sick a lot in the past few months so…”

He bit his bottom lip in concern. “Are you…feeling better now?”

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in. “Now…I’m okay,”

“But…?” he asked.

“But it might come back. I don’t know, it’s all really random,”

He rubbed your shoulder softly. “I’m sorry Peanut,” he felt guilty. “I haven’t even been checking up on you,”

“No,” you chuckled. “Not your fault, Kook. I’ve been keeping to myself. I didn’t want you to see me like that,”

The words confused him. You both had stumbled into each other’s houses countless number of times, no matter how sick you both were. The other one had always made chicken soup. It was a norm.

He worried.

“(Name)…”

You turned to look at him. He felt so empty when he looked into your dull eyes.

“Please take care of yourself,”

You grinned a bit and nodded. “I will,”

He barely believed that. Something was wrong. There was something else you were hiding.

You staggered a bit and Jungkook’s grip on your arms tightened. He was about to start scolding you for drinking past your limit but stopped himself. You laughed. The real laugh. Your eyes shut, pink flushed cheeks, and windswept hair, and yet, you looked so unreal. How long had he been away from you? Did you really have such a strong hold on him that in just a few weeks of being away from you, he had forgotten the way you laughed? He felt a surge of disappointment in himself.

“You’re crazy,” he said, shaking his head as a chuckle escaped his lips. “So fucking crazy,”

“Yeah yeah,” you brushed off, slurring a bit. “Which makes me much more entertaining than you are,”

He had it in him to chuckle. He saw the cab pull up and held his hand up to catch the driver’s attention.

“The cab’s across the street. Think you can make it without kissing the road?” he teased and you laughed once again. His heart swelled with pride and relief.

“I’ve got it,”

That was a lie. You paused a bit and blinked quickly, as though trying to get your eyes to focus.

Then you stumbled forward and Jungkook scrambled to hold you against him. Though he wasn’t prepared for the harsh cough to tumble past your lips. You wheezed in pain, clutching at your chest and his heart thudded with worry. The worry disappeared completely when he saw the petals. You hacked into your hands, repetitive coughs that sounded so painful, he felt it in his own chest. They continued to fall, bright orange against your skin. Petals turned into whole flowers.

When the coughs ceased, Jungkook was looking to your palms in shock. His heart shattered when his eyes darted to your face. You refused to look at him, instead staring at your shaking hands with one expression.

Caught.

His breath hitched, and then an influx of emotions filled his chest. Shock, then pity, sadness, and finally anger.

“What the fuck, (Name),” he uttered in a low voice. “What the fuck is this?”

He knew what it was. He knew what it meant. And the only thought running through his mind was killing the person who was causing this.

“It’s…” you started and he missed the way your voice shook.

“Is this what you meant by getting sick?”

“Listen-”

“Just how long have you been hiding this from me?!” he couldn’t control the volume of his voice. “Who is it?”

“Jungkook-”

“Who is it?!”

“Fuck,” you swore, shutting your eyes and gripping your hair. “I can’t,”

He was livid. Red hot anger burned in his throat.

“You’re protecting him?! After you’ve been suffering through all of this?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

There was no way you actually believed you could keep this from him. You bit your lip to prevent a sob from escaping. You didn’t want it to happen this way.

“Get the surgery,” he ordered lowly and you remained quiet.

“Kook-”

“(NAME)!!” he yelled, holding your shoulders. “GET THE FUCKING SURGERY!!”

“I CAN’T!!” you shouted back, tears falling now. He stepped back a bit, though now he was even angrier.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU WOULD RATHER DIE FOR THIS BITCH THAN GET THE SURGERY-”

“IT’S YOU JUNGKOOK!!”

It took him a second to process what you said. He was so focused on his anger, on your tears, and on how stupid he had been for not seeing this earlier. When he repeated it once more in his head, fear swallowed him whole. His hands dropped as he looked down at you, lips parted, heart racing.

“What?”

“It’s you,” you sniffled noisily. “I’m in love with you. The petals came because you didn’t feel the same,”

What does one say to that? How does one respond to that?

I’m helpless.

For the first time in his life, Jungkook is speechless. He has no response to your words. No response that seems appropriate enough.

“I’m not getting the surgery for this, Jungkook. Anyone else, maybe. But you,” you cleared your throat and wiped your eyes. The dullness in them suddenly made sense, and Jungkook’s throat tightened. “I would never. Goodnight, Kook,”

You turn to cross the street and Jungkook is desperate to chase after you. But an unknown force keeps him rooted to the spot. His legs are heavier than any weights he has ever lifted before. And the image of your back getting further and further away from him paints itself into his mind. Petals fall from the sky and he cries.

Hundreds of texts and plenty of calls were ignored until he couldn’t take it anymore. He had always respected your privacy. He decided he was past that. His knuckles were stinging and he was sure they’d bruise with the force of his knocks. He knew you were in your apartment. There was no way you had left since the cab had dropped you off, as Jungkook arrived only minutes later.

Jungkook made a promise to wait there until you opened the door. And both of you knew exactly how stubborn he was. He was counting on it tonight.

“Open the door, (Name),” his voice was already shaking and he cursed himself. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to force you to think rationally.

His knocks were desperate. He wished you’d just give up and open the door, but he knew you were just as stubborn as he was. Memories of competitions and play fights flashed behind his eyes and his throat tightened. He swallowed thickly and knocked harder.

“What the fuck, Jungkook-”

He himself was surprised at the way you wrenched the door open but he got over it quickly and pushed his way inside. You were still dressed in the clothes you had worn to the bar, but you looked much more tired. He wondered how many more flowers you had coughed up since you left. The thought made him sick.

“Jungkook, please,” you sighed. “I’m tired I just want to-”

“How long?” he asked quietly and you sighed again.

“Kook-”

“How long?” he repeated. He already knew, but he needed to hear it from you.

“Too long,” you answered and he shut his eyes tightly. “Years, Kook,”

“Fuck,” he cursed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What good would it have done?” you turned away to walk to your couch. Memories of the two of you curled up on that couch made him wince.

“It…” he started but he had no answer. You smiled knowingly.

“Exactly. You would’ve just felt guilty for years and we probably wouldn’t have such a great friendship,”

“You should’ve told me,” he repeated, even though he knew you were right. You just shook your head to yourself as he took a seat next to you carefully, as though you’d break right then and there.

“It was my struggle. I have to deal with it,”

He took a shaky breath in, his hands clammy. “Have you told anyone else yet?”

“My parents know,” you sighed before chuckling at the pamphlets littering your center table. “As you can see they’ve been trying to persuade me to get the surgery-”

“And you should!” he shouted, though you barely flinched.

“Jungkook,” you said sternly, turning to face him. “You know what the side effects are, don’t you?”

He remained quiet, though yes, he did know.

“I’ll lose my memories. Of you. Of us. I can’t do that, Kookie,”

“Why not?” he asked, his eyes glazing over as tears pooled at his waterline. “Why can’t you?”

“Because,” you smiled ruefully. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you. I can’t lose that,”

He put his face in his hands and sniffled shakily. He could barely look at you. He hated that you’d given up.

“B-But I do love you,” he tried. His fingers were grasping thin air, but all they were catching were the petals of the tiger flower.

“No, Kookie,” you shook your head. “You know that’s not enough,”

Strong friendship was not enough. His friendship was not enough. He’d never be enough.

“I fell in love with you but you don’t love me in the same way,” you smiled up at him and he felt his heart break. “It’s okay,”

How could you say that? How could you pretend like everything was okay? Nothing is okay about this. He felt so useless. So upset. So angry. So helpless.

I fell in love with you but you don’t love me in the same way.

“No no,” he was crying. “No I do love you. I do,”

You shook your head sadly and he cursed you for being able to smile at him like that. Light he once knew, light that comforted him any time he needed, had completely disappeared from your eyes.

He’s helpless. He needed to do something. Anything, you persuade you. He had to show you.

I love you, I do. I’m enough, I swear. I love you, that’s enough.

When he kissed you, your heart shattered for the final time. You could taste the salt of tears but you weren’t sure whether they came from him or you. One kiss. One final kiss.

You had spent years of your life waiting for this one moment. But yet when it came, you wished it hadn’t. You wanted nothing more than for this moment to be yet another one of your wishful dreams.

Because you and he both knew that it meant nothing. It meant nothing that could save you. He was trying so hard to pull you back to him. To prove that he was being sincere. But whether he was convincing you or himself was lost in the sound of hearts breaking.

He pulled away, hands still holding your face, knowing that once he let go, he’d lose you forever. Your hair tickled his skin like the whispers of childish secrets once did, and he reveled in the feeling. He was sobbing. You had never seen him sob like this before.

“How could you do this to me?” you shut your eyes to avoid looking at him, his crumbling expression brewing yet more guilt inside of you. “How could you let me do this to you?”

“It wasn’t your fault, Kookie,” you chuckled weakly. “It was mine,”

“Stop it,” tears were dripping down his soft cheeks fast as he pushed his forehead against yours. “You’re hurting so much because of me. Stop it,”

What he was telling you to stop, even he didn’t know. A part of him wanted to shout and scream. To scold you for ever having feelings for an idiot like him. Just stop it. Stop loving me, please.

But even he knew it was easier said than done. It had happened. The damage had already been done.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered through cries. “I’m so sorry,”

“It’s not your fault,” you repeated, smiling. He loved that smile, but in that moment, he hated it more than anything. He prayed to the heavens that you would stop pretending like everything was okay. It was not okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.

“Get the surgery,” he pleaded. “Please (Name), get the surgery. I can’t…”

He choked on a sob but you knew what he wanted to say. I can’t lose you.

“Kook,” you mumbled, putting a hand on his cheek. “I never want to forget us,”

He broke then and there, legs going weak and he sobbed. He fell to his knees and cried into his hands. He knew that you had made up your mind. There was nothing he could do to change your mind.

He hated you. God, he hated you more than anything.

He hated the way you bent down to hug him the same way you had been hugging him for years. He hated the way you were the one comforting him when he should’ve been the one holding you. He hated how you were okay. You weren’t supposed to be okay. You were supposed to scream and cry and curse him for breaking your heart like this. You were supposed to hate him. Hate him so that he could feel the pain he had caused you all these years.

He quietly wished that he was the one coughing up petals instead.

Why were you so understanding?

How could you still love him after he had reduced you to this? How could you even bring yourself to hold him when every touch was killing you on the inside?

That’s when he realized that he would never be as good as you. All the playful competitions over the years that he had taken the prize for paled in comparison to this one moment. You won against him, but you lost everything, and his heart ached for you.

You were going. You were leaving him and there was nothing he could do to keep you with him. All his life, Jungkook had despised feeling helpless. But he had never known that it could feel like this. That helplessness could feel like utter destruction. He cursed fate. He cursed the universe. He cursed everything he knew because why? Why did fate have to do this to him, to you? Why did the universe create such a path for people? Why did the people who suffer meet such heartbreaking ends? Why you? Why did you fall for him? Why wouldn’t you let him go? Why you?

His arms felt like lead when they moved to wrap around you, but he held you tighter than he had ever done before. Your body was warm, and images of play fights, spontaneous knocks, and fortresses made of blankets and pillows filled his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking from them. Childish laughter echoed in his ears, melding with sweet whispers, and heartfelt secrets. Somewhere in the distance, something shattered. He felt soft petals brush against his skin. They tickled his subconscious, and he choked on a sob. He opened his eyes and looked down at his arms, cursing the lies and false hope he had tried to give you earlier. He praised you for being able to see through him, just as you had always been able to. He felt bile rise up in his throat as his glossy eyes danced over his own tattoos.

He hated Tiger Flowers.

a/n: i wanted to leave the ending broad like this so you can imagine what happens afterwards!! though i think the options are pretty limited lol. i hope you enjoyed :)

#heartsforbts #btsghostie #btsguild #btswriterscollective #btsbookclub #bangtanscenery #bangtanhq #bangtanarmynet #thebtsficarchive #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #bts x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #bts #jungkook #bts angst #jungkook one shot

214 notes · View notes

canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 22 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Not Quite Like Old Times

We ended the previous episode in daylight, with Lan Wangji putting Wei Wuxian and swordpoint and declaring his undying love lecturing him about his lack of sword skills.

We start this episode in full night, with the two of them sitting on a roof together. Presumably they spent the missing scenes getting dinner in the mess hall, doing some laundry, and definitely not making out. Fic writers, do your thing.

Finally, FINALLY, Lan Wangji has chilled out enough to actually sit and listen to Wei Wuxian, instead of yelling at and/or physically attacking him. The Zoloft is really helping!

Wei Wuxian is indulging in romantic recollections of their first rooftop encounter. Lan Wangji, who has loved him since he first laid eyes on him and who wrote a whole song with an entire music video about their love, featuring that very same rooftop encounter, shuts him down so completely he might as well have whipped out Bichen again.

First he corrects his description of events by pointing out they were fighting, not talking, back then. Then when Wei Wuxian continues in his charming, smiley reminiscing vein, Lan Wangji says "things change, how could they stay the same" with a deep, sad, weariness.

He seems like an old man in this moment, and I feel for him, really, I do. But he's not the one who's carrying the actual essence of death around inside him. Wei Wuxian is being much more generous in this interaction than Lan Wangji is.

Wei Wuxian thanks him for not narkng to Jiang Yanli about the whole talisman/forced suicide/ghost hummer/ghost flaying thing he did back in Yiling. Like there is any way Lan Wangji would ever tell Jiang Yanli, of all people, something like that about Wei Wuxian. He's lying to his own brother to cover for Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian totally doesn't get it.

(more after the cut)

Unfortunately, there's no reason Wei Wuxian SHOULD get it, at this point; Lan Wangji has not communicated anything but disapproval to him since his return, and Wei Wuxian, despite their (apparently temporary) mental linkup in the Turtle cave, is not a mind reader.

Lan Wangji is so hurt here, and Wei Wuxian appears to ignore that, continuing to smile and laugh; he’s still sunny, still happy. Seriously, they are so tonally out of step with each other in this conversation, it's excruciating.

Lan Wangji: I’m feeling good about my tear-holding-back ability Wei Wuxian: do I look more fuckable sitting up? Or leaning back?

But every one of these smiles is an absolute lie. This is Wei Wuxian appeasing an authority figure; baffling with bullshit and skating by on charm. This is not a young man confiding in his soulmate.

Even when the conversation shifts, and they talk seriously about what is going on with him, Wei Wuxian is barely confiding anything. He briefly acknowledges that he was in the Burial Mounds for three months, and shudders at the memory, but Lan Wangji doesn't respond to that other than to look away from his face.

This is almost the last thing Wei Wuxian will ever say to anyone about that experience. He only alludes to it again when Jiang Cheng visits the settlement and talks smack about their corpse turnips. Lan Wangji says he wants to know why Wei Wuxian’s cultivation changed, but he really doesn’t; he just wants to convince him to change it back.

Wei Wuxian explains about using Lan clan techniques to protect his temperament, as well as the flute and talismans, to control the resentful energy. This is a good reminder that Wei Wuxian was never a bad student. He was an outstanding cultivator within the Jiang Clan, and he learned a hell of a lot during his time in Gusu, despite getting expelled for fighting.

His original golden core was stronger than Jiang Cheng's, even though he apparently started cultivating later. Yes, he fell asleep during meditation that one time in Episode 43, but that's not because he's bad at meditating, it's because he was tired from getting railed all night by his boyfriend stabbed in the gut by his nephew.

Lan Wangji eventually manages to ask him a question like an interested fellow human being sharing knowledge, instead of like an authoritarian dick calling him to account.

Side note: I still am flopping around trying to find good-sounding English terms for Chinese philosophical concepts. I kind of like "ghost path" vs "sword path" for the two styles of cultivation - I don't know where I saw that, apologies to the translator. I like "necromancy" for the part where the dead are reanimated and controlled, because we definitely have that in English. But there are many layers of nuance in these conversations that English is not equipped to render in a natural-sounding way.

Lan Wangji tells him, again, that it's dangerous, but this time he does it in a gentler and more poetic way, saying it's like taking grain from a burning fire, and says he's in danger of becoming the novel version of Wei Wuxian a demonic cultivator. Wei Wuxian, also gently and seriously, says he knows.

Then he immediately goes back to his lightest tone and promises, with his three-fingers gesture, that he will not fall into demonic cultivation. This gesture is basically the Wei Wuxian "I am totally fucking lying" salute.

He is totally fucking lying, and he MUST know it. He's baking the Yin tiger amulet every day during his meditation, getting ready to use it against Wen Ruohan, getting ready to take over his army of the dead.

He has the audacity to ask Lan Wangji, "do you believe me?" and Lan Wangji, also totally fucking lying, nods. Their relationship is just as broken right now as it was before their courtyard sparring session.

You can tell it's broken, because after they've reached this apparent place of peace, Wei Wuxian just hops down off the roof and LEAVES Lan Wangji sitting by himself. When has Wei Wuxian ever been like "gotta go!" with Lan Wangji? The last time they were here, he spent the night sleeping on the roof tiles just so he could be near him.

As he leaves, Lan Wanji stands up and says "let me help you." Wei Wuxian is not a fan of that idea, at all, if his expression is any guide.

He agrees, though, and leaves smiling, apparently for real, but maybe just practicing for all the fake smiles in his future.

Hooray for War

In the morning, Nie Mingjue makes an angry speech to the 2 dozen cultivators who apparently make up the army. Extras are expensive, y'all.

The senior cultivators are standing to the right or left of him, with the Lan brothers bracketing the Yunmeng sibs. Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are both staking their claim to Wei Wuxian, while Lan Xichen is standing in the spot closest to Nie Mingjue; Nie Huaisang is on the opposite side with the Jins.

All of the random cultivators yell a war chant in response to Nie Mingjue's speech, while the senior cultivators are like, we don't have to do that yelling stuff, thank goodness.

Nie Mingjue's war outfit includes metal (ish) epaulets on his shoulders and a totally not-kinky belt featuring multiple rings with nothing attached to them (yet) and an angry demon face right above his junk.

Nie Mingjue says we're going to storm into Nightless city and I'm going to chop off Wen Ruohan's head! By which he means, I'm going to get captured and get my ass beat, and then my murder-babie ex-boyfriend who had this belt specially made for me is going to stab Wen Ruohan in the back while he's distracted. They do say no plan survives contact with the enemy.

Side note: Baxia makes a loud metallic "shnk" noise when NMJ takes it off his back during this speech, even though Baxia does not have a scabbard. You do you, Baxia.

All the senior cultivators file out down the center while everyone else parts to let them pass. Then everybody does the Electric Slide.

Jiang Cheng tells Wei Wuxian they should go ahead of the main force to get some killing in early, but Wei Wuxian just pulls a face and looks down, staying with Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng is disappointed, and no doubt takes this as a sign of WWX choosing LWJ over him. But actually, WWX can't fight side-by-side with Jiang Cheng without showing his weakness.

LWJ and WWX exchange one of their unspoken "let's go" eye touches and get ready to ride out together with the main force.

Lan Wangji is still super, super sad. Wei Wuxian is still fake. But something is starting to knit together between them, and once they can hit a battlefield together, it will get a lot stronger.

On A Horse With No Name

Everyone rides out on horses, which will presumably get eaten somewhere along the way, because they appear to travel on foot after this. While Wei Wuxian practices his horseback-flute-twirling, Lan Wangji asks why Wei Wuxian didn't go with the forward force to fight.

Wei Wuxian says that he has a case of the don'wannas, and Lan Wangji snarkily points out that he used to like fighting. Wei Wuxian reacts, just as he did at the end of their sword fight, with embarrassment, and doesn't answer.

Lan Wangji, sweetie. You are really not helping.

At this point, despite their ongoing fighting, Wangxian are clearly together again. Lan Wangji isn't riding with his brother; he's RIGHT next to Wei Wuxian, and will stay close to him through the rest of the campaign.

Nie Huaisang hollers "Wei-Xiong" from the top of the battlements and tells him to take care. Wei-Xiong lifts his flute in acknowledgement while Nie Huaisang looks worried. He doesn't tell Nie Mingjue or Lan Wangji to take care, just Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian is his particular friend, more than Lan Wangji is, but he may also be concerned because he can tell that Wei Wuxian isn't well.

Nie Huaisang hasn't yet developed the deep cynicism that he calls upon in his quest to avenge his brother, but he has always been a voracious collector of information, and he is keenly observant.

Side note: what the fuck is going on with this sculpture? Kudos to the artist. This has beautiful forms, and is weird and disturbing. The main head is wearing a horned skull on its forehead, small ungulates that I hesitate to call “deer” chilling on its horns, and...snakes? biting its ears?

Boring Wen Interlude

Wen Ruohan is waving his hands around. Sigh. This is one of the more boring villain performances ever, and it's not the actor’s fault. They could have given him a sidekick to yell at or something, so we could get more than just hand waving. I’ve given up screen capping any of this; there are more interesting things to look at.

Battle Moves

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng and their forces have an extended fight scene with a bunch of puppet dudes and stuntmen in harnesses.

It's pretty fun to watch. (Fanvid with more over here)

The gist of the fighting scenes is that Wen Ruohan is getting stronger, and Klingons are hard to beat.

Battle Planning

Finally we see a sidekick with Wen Ruohan, although he's blurry so it's hard to tell that he is totally Meng Yao.

The Sunshotters have set up a Battle Camp Playset. It's got chunks of gates and walls that don't connect to anything, like a Duplo set. It's just randomly open for most of the back area so that anyone can walk in.

They've got a cage of hilarious definitely-not-zombies set up, and the rest of the wounded cultivators are lying on the ground.

The main battle trio go chill in Nie Mingjue's incredibly fancy tent. They talk it over and say it's impossible to kill unkillable enemies, "even when we have millions of troops." And by “millions” they mean “dozens.”

Nie Mingjue decides the way to handle it is to kill the leader and everyone else will collapse, because he has watched vampire movies and the last season of Game of Thrones and that's how it works. Watching the last season of Game of Thrones is why he is so angry all the time He says he's going to sneak into Nightless City and assassinate Wen Ruohan.

Okay, first of all, Nie Mingjue can sneak? I don't believe it. Second of all, if that was possible, why didn't he do it as soon as Wen Ruohan attacked his clan?

Nie Mingjue wants to take the biggest risk because he's the commander in chief, which is not how commanding is supposed to work, but okay.

He says if he dies, Zewu Jun will take over. Jiang Cheng starts to protest but Zewu Jun appears as if conjured, and shows them a map that will...dear GOD his hands are beautiful.

It's a helpful map, painted in multiple colors with careful writing on it, so if anyone were to show it to Nie Huaisang he would probably go "oh cool Meng Yao painted that" because anyone who could paint that well probably spent a fair amount of time at it on a regular basis. But, Nie Huaisang isn't here so, nope.

It’s always nice to see Jiang Cheng smile.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Waniji examine some of the puppets to see what's up. It's transmitted by touch, and Lan Wangji says that curing one dude takes three months of spiritual power. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Writing Prompt: Missing scene! How did they get from the fight in the courtyard to the talk on the roof?

Soundtrack: 1. Shine on You Crazy Diamond, by Pink Floyd 2. Electric Boogie, by Marcia Griffiths

#the untamed #the untamed gifs #wangxian #the untamed meta #canary3d-original #my gifs #wordcount 2379 #restless rewatch the untamed

219 notes · View notes

writingwhimsey · 3 years

Text

The Tiger and The Oda Princess Ch. 6

Chapter 6

The next morning came and we were woken up with breakfast sent to our room. The food had been cooked by Masamune, so it was absolutely delicious. After eating, we were ready to depart the inn. I was surprised when I didn't encounter any of the Azuchi warlords on our way out. I felt a bit saddened as I thought I would get to see them before we headed home.

The disappointment I felt washed away as soon as we walked out the door of the inn. They were all there, waiting. "You didn't really think we were going to leave without saying bye? Did you lass?" Masamune asked, smiling at me.

"Well...maybe a little." I replied.

"I'll go get the horse and give you a moment." Shingen said, pulling me in for a hug and kissing the top of my head. He was then walking off to help Yukimura, Asuna, and Sasuke with the horses.

"I'm glad I get to see you all again before I go back home." I said, smiling at them.

"Of course we were going to see you off." Hideyoshi said.

"And I have a present for your trip back." Masamune said, handing me a package.

I opened and peeked in to see an array for snacks both sweet and savory.

"Gotta make sure you're eating well, since you're eating for two now." Masamune said.

"Yes and get plenty of rest." Hideyoshi said. "I hope you're taking plenty of breaks on your ride."

"We are." I replied.

"Here." Ieyasu said, handing me something.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's a medicine. I found an apothecary here who was able to give me the herbs I needed." He answered. "It's preventative. It will help keep you from getting a cold during the winter. It's very important you stay healthy."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Even though I was married to someone they considered an enemy and carrying his child, they were still showing me so much kindness and care. "Thank you guys!" I said, bowing.

"Hey cut it out with that formal stuff." Hideyoshi said before pulling me into a hug.

The next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a group hug once again. I let out a giggle. "Guys...be careful don't squish the baby, okay?" I said.

"Oh...right." Hideyoshi said, releasing me. The others followed suit.

"Take care, Ava." Mitsuhide said.

"Ava..." Nobunaga said, his voice cutting over everything else.

I looked up at him. "Yes?"

"See that you take care of yourself." He said. "You are still my lucky charm."

It used to annoy me whenever he called me his lucky charm, but now I understood it was his way of saying he cared about me. "You take care too...all of you."

It was then Shingen was returning, leading our horse. Yukimura, Asuna, and Sasuke were with him. "Are you ready to go home, Ava?" He asked.

"Yes." I answered smiling at him. I turned to my friends once again. "Thank you for coming to see me and for the gifts...that reminds me thank you for the fabrics and food you sent for the wedding. I'll see you guys later."

"Be sure you let us see you again before the baby is born." Masamune teased.

"Yes, I would love to see you waddling about." Mitsuhide teased.

I rolled my eyes. "You know we were having a sweet moment, but then you had to go and ruin it." I waved to them all before heading over to Shingen.

Shingen helped me up on his black steed before mounting up behind me, wrapping me securely in his arms. I couldn't help but to look up at him and smile. "Thank you, Shingen." I told him. I was then wrapping my arms around his waist hugging him. "You're the best."

I felt Shingen wrap his arms around me in response. He then kissed my forehead. "You give me far too much credit, my princess."

I shook my head. "I will hear no arguments. You, Shingen, are the best husband a woman could ever ask for."

"Only because you, Ava, are the best wife anyone could ever ask for." He replied.

We were then sharing a brief kiss before heading off. I had figured that my friends had already started their journey back to Azuchi, but I didn't realize they were still there and they had been watching us.

The Azuchi warlords...

"He could at least not rub it in our faces." Hideyoshi said with a sigh.

"Even though it's him...at least she seems happy." Masamune said.

The group began to ride off, back toward Azuchi. Nobunaga stayed back a moment, Ieyasu with him. "Why do you never say anything to her?" Ieyasu asked.

"Say anything to her about what?" Nobunaga asked.

"You love her."

"I do not know what you are talking about." Nobunaga replied. "Besides, even if I felt the way you claim, it would do no good to tell her. She would never look at me the same way she does him."

Ieyasu sighed. "It is not like you to easily give up on anything you really want."

"Who said I really wanted her?" Nobunaga replied. "Or that I was giving up if I did."

Ieyasu looked at him confused. "What..."

"It is nothing." Nobunaga replied, before urging his horse forward.

Ieyasu sighed. "Everything is such a pain." He then looked in the direction Ava had gone. "Take care, Ava." He said before taking off as well.

Ava...

We were about an hour and a half outside of Kai, when Asuna declared it was break time. We stopped to rest for a bit, stretching our legs. There was a rustling in the leaves, but it didn't seem like a small animal.

Shingen instantly pulled me behind him, taking a protective stance in front of me. His hand went to rest on the hilt of his sword.

Yukimura and Sasuke took up fighting stances as well. Asuna moved to stand beside me. Though she held no weapon, something told me she was being just as protective as the others.

"Well ,look what we have here." A deep voice said, as men began to step out of the trees and bushes. It was a group of abut seven men, all in rough clothing. "Just give us your money and we'll let you go."

"Hey boss, there's two women, too." One man pointed out.

The apparent leader of the group of bandits lifted his hand to his chin and eyes Asuna and me. "Yeah, real lookers, too. Bet they'd fetch us a pretty penny."

"You won't be getting near them." Shingen declared, his voice deadly, as he drew his sword.

"If you guys had any brains at all you'd just back away now." Yukimura added.

"You have a zero percent chance of winning." Sasuke agreed.

"So, you want to do this the hard way then?" The leader asked. "Well, we have been itching for a good fight."

The group was then surrounding us. Shingen, Yukimura, Sasuke, and Asuna formed a protective circle around me. I looked over at Asuna and saw her pulling out some long needles and holding them between her fingers.

I couldn't ask anything before the fight started. The bandits converged on us, but were quickly taken down. It was over almost as quickly as it started, but my heart was still racing. Shingen was putting away his sword and placing an arm around me. "Are you alright, Ava?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I answered. "Thanks to all of you."

"Any cramping or anything?" Asuna asked me.

I shook my head. "No, everything is fine...my heart is racing still, but that's all."

Once everyone was sure everything was okay, we were mounting back up and heading back to Kai. When we arrived Asuna insisted on taking me for an exam to be sure everything was fine. Since it was just her and I in the room, I felt like asking her what I wanted to when we were attacked, but I wasn't sure how to begin.

"Go ahead and ask." Asuna said, after finishing her exam.

"You're not just a midwife are you?" I asked her.

"You would be correct." She answered. "I am part of Lord Shingen's Mitsumono."

"So you fight?"

"Only when needed. Mostly I gather information." She answered.

"I'm guessing both your midwife skills and your fighting skills are why Shingen asked you to come." I said.

"While he hasn't said, I think I tend to agree with you there." Asuna replied. "I really am a good midwife. I haven't lost a mother or child."

I looked at her in surprise. "That's...actually reassuring. I guess I forgot that many women die in child birth...here."

Asuna looked at me, her eyes questioning. "You know, there's something very different about you...and Sasuke, too. I know you guys both come from the same place, but if you're still from this country how can it be so different? And why does it sound like you're wanting to say something else instead of referring to a place?"

I bit my lower lip and looked at her. I liked Asuna and she had just shared her secret with me. Could I share mine with her? And why did I want to? Before I could answer, Shingen was coming in the room. "So, how is everything?" He asked. "And why do I get the feeling I just walked in on a very serious conversation?"

"Everything is fine." Asuna said. "I believe both Ava and the baby are fine. And now we were just chatting getting to know each other."

Shingen looked at me. "So, you know Asuna is one of my Mitsumono?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it wasn't too hard to guess after what happened on our way back."

"Are you...upset at all?" Shingen asked, coming to kneel down beside me.

I shook my head. "No. I assume you just wanted to add an extra layer of protection for me. I couldn't get mad at you for that."

Shingen let out a sigh of relief. "I still feel like there is some tension, though."

"I was just asking Ava about her hometown." Asuna answered.

"Oh...I see." Shingen said.

"Do you think we should tell her?" I asked.

"I think it would be alright." Shingen agreed.

"What is it?" Asuna asked.

I took a deep breath. "I know that this is going to sound crazy and hard to believe, but every word of it is true." I began. "I am...not from this time. I come from five hundred years in the future."

"What?" Asuna asked. She was then looking between me and Shingen. "You guys are playing a joke on me right? Teasing me because you think I've gone too far in asking?"

Shingen shook his head. "No, everything Ava says is the truth. For one thing she really doesn't have it in her to lie."

"I really don't." I agreed.

"And I have seen it myself." Shingen said.

"Wait? What? How?"

"I am sure Yuki has told you about Ava having saved me?" Shingen asked Asuna.

She nodded. "Yeah, but I still don't..."

"In my time medical technology has come a long long way. We've eradicated many illnesses and people tend to live very long healthy lives." I began to explain. "When I finally found out about Shingen's illness, I told him the truth about me and suggested he come back with me and we could get him cured."

"That's...that's just crazy." Asuna said.

"But it's all true." Shingen said. "I am here now because of Ava and time travel. And the future is also very peaceful. No constant state of war and turmoil."

Asuna looked at me. "That...that would explain a lot." She finally admitted. "But now...I have so many questions...so wait what you said earlier about forgetting that women often die in childbirth here...you meant in this time? But that's not something that happens in your time?"

"It can still happen." I answered. "But not as often. Most complications are monitored and easily treated."

"I see." Asuna replied. "Who all knows about this?"

"Outside of those in this room, Yuki and Kenshin." Shingen answered.

"It makes sense that you would have told them especially before leaving." Asuna replied. She then fired off more questions and I did my best to answer.

"You have taken this news surprisingly well." I said, when she had finished with her questions.

"Well, as Lord Shingen said, you're a terrible liar." Asuna replied, looking at me with a smile. "But I've also known about his illness for a long time and I can see with my own eyes that he is perfectly healthy. That is something that is just not possible with the medical practices we currently have. And also why would you both lie to me about this?"

We stayed and chatted for a while longer before Asuna ordered me to get some rest. "And when I say rest I mean it. Nothing too strenuous." Her voice was stern as she looked at me and Shingen.

"For how long?" I asked, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. "I feel fine and it's not like anything happened to me. You all protected me and kept me safe."

"Just a couple of days. Though nothing happened to you, it was still stressful and the journey though small, still a bit of a ride. You need your rest." Asuna said. She then turned her stern gaze to Shingen. "And I mean it. You had better let her rest."

"I will make sure my precious wife gets well rested." Shingen said, wrapping one arm around my waist and then the other going back behind my knees, effectively sweeping me off of my feet and into his arms. "And I will start by saving you the trouble of walking, my princess."

Asuna rolled her eyes. "I can tell I am going to have my hands full with you two."

The next few weeks passed by. Winter had taken its hold and the world was blanketed in a canvas of crystal white snow. Fires were kept lit in the various hearths of the palace, keeping everyone warm. I had sewn many warm kimonos, hakamas, and haoris for the people of Kai.

My appetite was back in full force and the morning sickness completely gone. My belly had also gained a gentle swell, the sweetest little baby bump. My days were spent working on more sewing projects. I made clothing and blankets for the people, but I also worked on some more personal projects.

I had started to make some different baby clothes and blankets as well as making some kimono and obis that would fit me better as my belly grew. Asuna worked with Otsuna to make sure I was eating a balanced diet and getting the proper amount of exercise, but not overworking myself either.

Asuna also kept me company while I sewed and she would ask me more questions about the future and what it was like and what my life there had been like. We had quickly become friends and I was glad of that.

I was currently sitting in the room I shared with Shingen, wrapped in layers and working by the fire, sewing another piece for the baby. Shingen came in carrying a tray of food and tea. "I thought we might enjoy a snack together." He announced as he came to sit beside me.

"That sounds lovely." I agreed. "I was just craving some sweet dumplings."

"Then it is a good thing that I brought exactly that." He said.

I reached over and took a skewer. "I think this baby has your sweet tooth, Shingen. I crave nothing but sweets."

Shingen smiled. "Well, she has to get something from me since everything else she'll get from her mother."

"I hope you're not disappointed if it's a boy."

"I could never be disappointed." Shingen replied. "The most important thing is that you and our baby are both healthy."

"It is nice though hearing you say you want a girl." I said. "Most men are obsessed with having a son to carry on the family name and all."

"That doesn't matter to me," Shingen said. "All I want is to have a family."

I smiled at him. "That's all I want, too."

He looked at me lovingly, his eyes wandering down to my belly. "And you look just as adorable as I imagined." He said, practically cooing over me. He was then pulling me into his lap and hugging my back to his front. He nuzzled my hair, eliciting a giggle from me.

"I don't know about that..."

"You're just too sweet and precious with this little life growing inside of you." He said.

"A life we created together." I added. "In our love."

Shingen smiled at me and kissed my cheek. He rested his hands lovingly over my belly. "Yes, you little one are our most precious life and we love you so much." He said, speaking to our baby growing in my belly.

I couldn't help but to gush over him. "I love it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Talk to our baby...it's the sweetest most adorable thing."

"Not nearly as sweet and adorable as you." He said, kissing me on the cheek.

I leaned into his embrace, resting my head on his strong broad chest.

"So, what have you been working on this time?" Shingen asked.

"Just some more baby clothes. We will have the most fashionable baby in all of Japan."

Shingen chuckled. "I think our baby's wardrobe will be bigger than yours."

"Babies are quite messy and require several outfit changes throughout the course of a single day." I said.

"Very true." Shingen agreed.

There was a knock on our door then. "Pardon me my lord, my lady." A vassal called from the other side.

"Come in." Shingen called.

The vassal came in and bowed. "Lord Yoshimoto has arrived."

"Thank you, we will be there to greet him in a moment." Shingen said.

The vassal bowed and left the room. I had almost forgotten that Yoshimoto, a distant cousin of Shingen's, was going to be coming to stay with us. At least for a time he would be. Shingen hoped to get him to join him in the coalition he was wanting to form to try hold those in power accountable.

I was happy that he had taken that idea from his time in the future with us and was wanting to use it. "Are you ready to go greet Yoshimoto, my princess?" Shingen asked me.

"Yes." I replied.

Shingen stood up and helped me to my feet. He then took my hand as we walked from our room to the main hall where Yoshimoto was waiting for us. As we approached, I could hear the voices of the maids of the castle.

"It's so wonderful to welcome you to the castle, Lord Yoshimoto."

"Is there anything we can get for you?"

I looked at Shingen. "They sound a little extra...eager to please than usual." I observed.

Shingen sighed. "It is what seems to happen to every woman who sees my cousin."

"So what you're saying is being a lady's man runs in your family?" I teased.

"I am only one lady's man." Shingen replied, bringing our joined hands to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on the back of mine.

We walked into the main hall together. All I saw was a circle of maids gathered around someone who I could only assume was Yoshimoto.

"Thank you ladies, but I do not need anything." A gentle male voice answered.

"Are you sure?"

"We'd be more than happy to get you anything you need."

Just then Otsuna came in. "Alright girls, come on there's work to be done." She declared and was practically dragging out the younger maids.

When they finally cleared, I could finally see Yoshimoto and to be honest, I could see what the maids were fussing about. If I weren't a happily married woman (especially with a husband who had the body of a Chip n Dale's dancer), I would have probably been swooning as well. Yoshimoto was indeed an attractive man. He had dark hair and beautiful golden eyes. He had gentle features, but I could tell even beneath his layers that he had a fine musculature from fighting and training.

"I see you still have the ability to work the maids up as usual." Shingen said, his voice teasing.

Yoshimoto looked up. "You know I don't do any of it intentionally." He replied. 'Unlike someone else I know." He was then eyeing Shingen meaningfully.

I had to suppress a giggle, remembering the flirt Shingen used to be. Of course he was still a flirt but only with me.

Shingen coughed awkwardly. "You will find that I am a different man now." He said. "Speaking of, let me introduce you, Yoshimoto, this beautiful goddess at my side, is my wife, Ava."

I felt myself blushing at Shingen's words. Of course, I was also smiling. That was the first time Shingen had introduced me to anyone as his wife and I have to say, the feeling was amazing. I recovered from my blissful feeling and bowed to Yoshimoto. "It's nice to meet you, Yoshimoto." I greeted.

"It is truly an honor to meet you, as well, Ava." Yoshimoto replied. He was then looking at Shingen. "I know in your letters you wrote to me, you said you had gotten married, but I found it hard to believe."

"Hey now...I....well I guess I really can't fault you there." Shingen admitted, his own cheeks reddening.

I couldn't contain my giggles now.

Shingen looked at me. "Why are you laughing?"

I smiled up at him. "Hey, I remember what a flirt you used to be. I remember several lines you used on me, in fact."

"It may have started out as just flirting, but my words of your beauty were always genuine." Shingen replied. "And clearly what I told you worked, otherwise you wouldn't be here with me now."

"Or perhaps I am here precisely because they didn't work." I quipped, unable to keep the smirk from my face.

"I...you..." Shingen stammered.

"Haha!" Yoshimoto laughed, clearly amused. His smile then gentled, but remained somewhat teasing. "No wonder you're the one Ava. I don't think I've ever seen anyone make my cousin speechless before."

I smiled and felt my face flush. "It doesn't happen that often."

"I'd say it happens more often than Shingen would care to admit." Yoshimoto said. "But it's good for him. I can see how much you two love each other...and that is truly a beautiful thing. Just as you are, with that radiant glow only an expectant mother can have."

I smiled as my hand went to my baby bump. My cheeks reddened ever so slightly.

"Hey, stop flirting with my wife." Shingen said, his tone teasing.

"You know me, I am a lover of all art and beauty." Yoshimoto replied. "And a woman is never more beautiful than when she is full of the special glow that comes from carrying another life."

Shingen wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. He was about to say something when Asuna was walking into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but Ava the seamstresses are all almost ready to head out into the market place." She said.

"Oh, that's right that was today." I said, having forgotten that I was supposed to go out shopping with the other seamstresses.

Shingen smiled warmly at me. "Don't worry, you go and enjoy yourself."

"Alright." I replied. I turned to Yoshimoto. "It was nice meeting you. I'm sure I will see you later."

"You as well." Yoshimoto agreed, returning my smile.

I felt Shingen's fingers beneath my chin, he was pulling my gaze back to his. "Be safe my princess, I love you." He said, before placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

I smiled, feeling my face redden since we had an audience. Though I could never be unhappy. I loved how openly Shingen showed me his affection. "I love you, too."

"Ugh, you guys are too much." Asuna said, coming over and taking me by the arm and pulling me away. "Don't worry my lord, I will keep her safe and make sure she doesn't slip or anything." She was then dragging me out of the room.

I dressed warmly before heading out to the market with Asuna and the seamstresses. As we walked around, looking at the new fabrics that had come in, my stomach let out a growl. Asuna pulled out some snacks that she had packed and handed them to me.

"Thanks." I said.

"I have to make sure you're eating properly." She said, smiling at me.

We spent the rest of the afternoon browsing and picking out plenty of more fabrics. Asuna kept me supplied with snacks, but she also kept me from eating too many sweets. She was starting to crack down on how many I ate.

Shingen and Yoshimoto...

Shingen had explained his plan and how it would work. "So, what do you say?" He asked.

"It sounds like a great idea." Yoshimoto replied. "And like a lot of hard work. Though I don't see how I can be much help."

"I know plenty of people who would still listen to you. You still hold sway even if you don't see it. Your men are still with you for a reason." Shingen replied.

"My displaced clan..."

"You and your men are all welcome to stay in Kai...whether you join me or not." Shingen replied.

"I will consider your plan." Yoshimoto replied, sipping tea which Otsuna had brought them.

"I hope you agree." Shingen replied. "It would mean a lot to have your support in this."

"Obviously you would be leading this coalition, as you called it, but what about your health?" Yoshimoto asked. "The last I knew..."

"I am cured." Shingen replied, cutting off his cousin before he could finish.

"But how?" Yoshimoto asked.

"By Ava and her love of course." Shingen answered. He knew his cousin would have a hard time accepting the full story, but he could get that part out.

"I don't see how that's possible." Yoshimoto replied. "But then again, I can see you are clearly much healthier than you have ever been...and you're finally settled down and starting a family. You clearly must be healthy...and Ava must truly be extraordinary. She did get you to stop flirting with every woman that breathes."

"You admire beautiful art and I have always admired beautiful women...though now I only admire the one." Shingen said. "You clearly have no room to speak."

Yoshimoto laughed. Before he could reply, Yukimura was coming into the room. "Our other guests have arrived." He announced as Kenshin and Sasuke followed behind him.

"Now it's a party." Shingen said.

"Only if there's sake." Kenshin remarked. "I can't believe I've let you talk me into joining this...coalition of yours."

"I am glad you could make it and that you agreed." Shingen said as Kenshin sat down.

"So, where is my sake?" Kenshin asked.

"You drink as much as ever." Yoshimoto said, smiling at Kenshin.

"He might be worse now." Sasuke replied. "It is good to see you again, Lord Yoshimoto."

Yoshimoto smiled. "You as well Sasuke."

Just then Otsuna was returning with more tea. "Here you are my lords." She said, bowing before turning to leave.

"Wait...what is this?" Kenshin asked. "Where is the sake?"

"We aren't keeping much in the castle. Only enough for the banquet tonight." Otsuna replied.

Kenshin turned to Shingen. "What kind of trickery is this?" He asked. "Why is there no sake?"

"Ava isn't able to drink while pregnant and I've been trying to be supportive and not drink it as well. So we haven't been buying as much. Only keeping it around for the vassals and special occasions." Shingen explained.

"I have never heard of anything so idiotic in my life." Kenshin replied, grumpily snatching up his tea and drinking it begrudgingly.

"So, you've joined this coalition, Kenshin?" Yoshimoto asked, surprised.

"Yes...returning to fighting with Shingen would be no fun. He is not the same." Kenshin replied, giving his excuse, though Yoshimoto could see the truth in his eyes. Kenshin actually considered Shingen a friend and wanted to continue the alliance.

The group talked a bit more before it was time for the banquet to start.

Ava...

I returned home with just enough time to get cleaned up and head to the banquet. I walked to the main hall with Asuna. "Do you think Lord Yoshimoto will have joined Lord Shingen?" She asked me.

"I don't know." I answered. "I hope so though. I think it would mean a lot to Shingen if Yoshimoto joined him."

We were soon walking into the main hall, where the others were already seated. I was surprised to see Sasuke and Kenshin sitting with Shingen, Yukimura, and Yoshimoto. "There's my beautiful wife." Shingen said, looking up at me as soon as we walked in the room.

I smiled, my cheeks reddening.

"Do you ever stop?" Asuna said, rolling her eyes.

"I don't think he does, but that's all okay by me." I said, smiling. I was then walking over to take the empty seat beside him. I turned to Kenshin and Sasuke. "I'm glad to see you guys here."

Asuna took the only other empty seat which was beside Yukimura. Somehow I got the feeling that Shingen did that on purpose.

"Glad to be here." Sasuke said, a small smile on his face. "I'm also glad to see you're looking well. You're glowing."

"I think you mean growing." Yukimura said. "Now that the belly has started, it seems to keep growing. I think that means it's twins."

I glared at Yukimura. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to comment on a lady's weight?" I replied. "Also the next person to suggest that I am having twins is getting a dumpling to the face."

Asuna was then reaching up and smacking Yukimura in the back of the head. "You're such an idiot." She said.

"Ow." Yukimura yelped. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were actually trying to hurt me."

"Oh, then next time I won't try I'll just do it." Asuna replied.

"You don't want twins?" Yoshimoto asked me.

"Childbirth scares me enough as it is with one baby." I replied. "Let alone two."

"Don't worry Ava, I have been working on some medicines that help with the pain." Asuna assured me.

"Well, I appreciate that." I said, but I still knew that nothing in this time period would come close to what was available in my original time.

Shingen put an arm around me. He then gave me a gentle reassuring squeeze and kissed the top of my head. "Don't listen to Yuki. You're absolutely beautiful. And twin wouldn't be so terrible."

I laughed and shook my head. I then leaned into Shingen. "Maybe not." I agreed. "I'd still prefer one at a time, though."

There was more talking and joking. Kenshin was given a steady supply of sake and pickled plums. I had finished eating the food on my tray, but was still hungry. As if reading my mind, Shingen lifted a sweet bun from his tray and held it up to my lips.

I looked up at him. "I couldn't take from your tray..." I began to protest.

"Ava, I can see the look in your eyes. You want more, have it." He replied. "Besides, I love sharing with my two loves."

I couldn't help but to smile. "Well, when you put it like that..." I was then opening my mouth to the offered sweet treat.

"That was your last one." Asuna said, she was then pushing a plate of vegetables towards me. "No more sweets for you. Too many is bad for the baby."

"But I swear that's all this baby wants to eat." I replied. "That's all I crave."

"I don't care. Too much sugar is bad for your health and for the baby's." Asuna said. "So if you're still hungry, then you better eat those steamed veggies."

Shingen leaned over and whispered to me. "Don't worry I'll keep sneaking you sweets."

"I heard that Lord Shingen and you will not." Asuna replied.

"You know maybe it would be easier for Ava if you would cut back on the sweets, too, Lord Shingen." Yukimura added.

Kenshin was laughing then. "Haha...I don't see how that can happen! He's already given up all other women, now sake. I doubt he can give up sweets!"

"It really would be beneficial to you both if you cut back." Asuna said.

Shingen's eyes widened.

I had to laugh, too. "It's alright Shingen. I won't ask you to give up sweets for me." I told him.

"Even you don't think I can do it?" Shingen asked. "It will be a challenge, but I can do anything for you and our baby."

"I am looking forward to this." Yoshimoto said. "He's had that sweet tooth since we were very young."

"Well, now I have to do it." Shingen said, pushing his tray, which was piled high with sweets, away. "I have to prove to all of you that I can cut back."

"Uh-huh." Yukimura said skeptically.

"I can do it." Shingen replied. "It just means I'll be having to give my princess more kisses, though." He was then pulling me close and gently kissing my lips.

I smiled up at Shingen. "Not that I am complaining, but how does kissing me more have to do with you cutting back on sweets?"

"Because there is nothing sweeter than you." He answered. "Whenever I am craving something sweet I will just have to steal a kiss."

I could hear the eye rolls from Yukimura and Asuna. There was a disgusted sigh from Kenshin. Sasuke let out an awkward cough and averted his gaze. Yoshimoto was actually giving us a warm smile.

The party went on for a while longer before we were all finally calling it a night. Shingen and I walked back to our room, hand in hand. "You know, you really don't have to give up the sweets for me." I told him as we walked.

"Does that mean you don't want more kisses?" Shingen asked.

"I will never say no to more of your kisses, Shingen." I replied. "I know how much you love sweets. I'd hate for you to give up something you love that much just for my sake. I can be a grown up and watch what I eat. Especially if it's for the baby."

Shingen was then stopping and pulling me into his arms. He lifted a hand to cup my cheek. "I can't let you be the only one to give up things for our baby." He told me, his thumb caressing my cheek. "I helped make this baby, so I can give up a few things to help make it easier on you."

"Shingen..." I replied, my breath catching at his sweet words and his touch.

Our lips were soon meeting in a sweet kiss. Shingen broke the kiss after a few moments. "Unless you can think of any other objections, then I will be cutting back on my sweets as well."

"I do have one other reason." I replied.

"And what's that?" Shingen asked.

"It's a bit of a selfish one...but if you cut back then who will sneak me sweets when Asuna isn't watching?"

Shingen laughed. "We'll sneak them together then."

"I like the sound of that."

Shingen smiled, is thumb now tracing over my lips. "Now that that's settled, I have another sweet treat in mind." He told me, his voice low and seductive.

I was drawn in by the magic that was Shingen and his seductive voice. I leaned in and stretched up, my lips meeting his. Our kiss quickly deepened, my lips parting to let his tongue inside to tangle with mine. By the time the kiss was over, I was only standing because Shingen's arms were still around me.

He smiled at me as he scooped me up into his arms. "I'm glad to see that I can still make you weak in the knees."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I don't think you'll ever not be able to do that to me."

We shared another deep kiss and then Shingen carried me to our bedroom where he made love to me.

Chapter 7 down here!

https://writingwhimsey.tumblr.com/post/656173331966541824/the-tiger-and-the-oda-princess-ch7

#ikesen shingen #ikesen #fanfic #chapter 6

8 notes · View notes

sokka-with-his-hair-down · 4 years

Text

The Carving of Whalebone and Hearts

Chapter Two

(Link to chapter one at the end)

***************

“He what?”

Zuko fiddled a little bit with his fingers. “He… knows we’re engaged.”

Sokka was pacing around their bedroom, and Zuko knew he wasn’t mad at him, because Zuko went to see his dad from time to time, and Sokka knew this. But he was frustrated. And definitely angry at Ozai.

“Baby,” Sokka said, gently grabbing Zuko’s wrists and holding them to his chest, “what did he say to you?”

Zuko sighed and pursed his lips, looking down guiltily.

“Nothing, really-”

“It’s not nothing, Zuko—!” Sokka caught himself yelling and took a moment to bring his voice down. This wasn’t the time to yell. “It’s not nothing. I know how your father is… so tell me. Please?”

Though reluctant, Zuko seemed to know that Sokka wouldn’t give up on this matter. After all, it was Ozai, the literal worst person currently alive, and he’d almost definitely said something awful to Zuko, Sokka’s fiancé, his one and only-

“Okay.”

Sokka refocused his eyes on Zuko’s. The Fire Lord looked dismayed at whatever he was about to say, but he wasn’t panicking, which was good.

Sokka nodded. “Okay.”

Before Zuko could start, Sokka led him to sit on the edge of the bed with him.

“It was just him trying to provoke me. You know that, right?” Zuko's expression was earnest and Sokka knew his words were true, but he was still so angry.

“I know. Just tell me what he said.”

Zuko shifted. “He said things about you. He insulted your heritage and your tribe, and I shouted at him for it. Because he doesn’t know what in Agni’s name he’s talking about, babe. He called you names and I lost my cool.”

Sokka almost chuckled at the use of the term “babe” thrown in there, but he refrained from it. Just this once.

“I don’t care what he said about me. What did he say about you?”

A slight shake in Zuko’s exhale made Sokka’s heart break a little. “Not much. Just his usual spiel he’s always thrown at me. I’m a disappointment, I’m dishonorable, blah blah blah.”

Sokka huffed in anger. “That pathetic sad sack of a person should never-”

“Sokka, it’s okay. It’s fine. He can’t do anything about it, anyway. I just… need to ignore him. For a while. At least until we’re married.”

Sokka felt himself soften at the prospect of that, being married, being married to Zuko, specifically, but he still couldn’t push away the fury he was experiencing within.

“Okay,” was all Sokka said.

Zuko smiled and looked down at Sokka’s neck, then reached up to stroke a thumb over the little carving he’d made that hung at the base of Sokka’s throat. (And forever would.)

“Okay.”

***************

It really wasn’t okay, but that wasn’t for Zuko to worry about. He should be relaxed, focused on his duty as Fire Lord, be excited about getting married in a couple of weeks.

Ozai was Sokka’s to worry about right now.

Sokka suspected that, sooner or later, Zuko would find out he went to visit his father. But with how he was feeling right now, it didn’t matter.

If Sokka could firebend, he was positive that his blood wouldn’t just be boiling metaphorically. What a twisted world view Ozai had… it almost saddened Sokka.

Almost.

Sokka made his way down the long corridor leading to Ozai’s cell. Two guards stood watch. Sokka halted and stood before them, bowing his head briefly.

“Who are you, and what is your business today?”

A standard question. Sokka understood.

“I am Ambassador Sokka, here to see my fiancé’s father.”

A look of understanding crossed the guards’ faces.

“Of course. Come right through.”

Sokka offered them a polite smile, but it disappeared the moment he stepped into the steel room.

It smelled awful, to put it simply, and something about it brought back memories of his time at the Boiling Rock. Maybe it was the atmosphere, or the stench, or just his nerves, but something about it was deeply unsettling.

And, of course, someone.

In the cell was Ozai, leaning against the wall, peering dangerously at Sokka like a wild animal.

Approaching the cell, Sokka made definite eye contact and didn’t break it for a second. Ozai was powerless, of course, but he was still Ozai, and that was enough to make Sokka feel threatened.

He hadn’t seen him since the war ended. Seeing him like this felt strange.

“And who are you, exactly?”

The man’s ragged voice came suddenly and eerily.

Sokka stood tall. “We’ve met. Take a guess.”

Ozai peered at Sokka for a long moment, then scowled even deeper. “You’re that hooligan engaged to my son, aren’t you?”

Sokka was reminded of the weight of the necklace on his clavicle. “Yup.”

“I should’ve been able to tell right away,” Ozai mumbled rather loudly, “just the sight of you is enough to unsettle any sane person.”

“Woah there, buddy. A little below the belt, don’t you think?”

“You disgrace the Fire Nation, you dishonor our people. You’re a-”

“Aaand, I’m gonna stop you right there.” Sokka cut him off. “I’m here to remind you that you have no authority. And that you don’t know the first thing about honor, very clearly. And that if you ever insult my people or Zuko’s choice in partners again, you’re gonna wish Aang had ended it that day.”

“How dare you interrupt me!” Ozai shouted, his eyes glinting with something that Sokka had often seen in Azula. Unchecked, raw helplessness turned into madness or mania or some mix of the two. Animalistic, one might describe it. “Just because my idiot son lets you push him around does not mean that you can do the same to me!”

“I think I can do whatever I want,” Sokka didn’t shout, but his voice was still startlingly loud, rivaling Ozai’s volume. “Besides, Zuko actually has my respect, unlike… some people.”

“You’ve been blindsighted.”

“Actually,” Sokka snapped, “I can see everything perfectly clearly. Zuko and I are engaged, you’re in prison, and there’s nothing you can do to stop us from getting married. So again, I’m telling you, you’re on thin ice.”

Ozai made a face that resembled a tiger-snake’s snarl. “You disgust me—your family must be ashamed. I suppose you and my son deserve each other, at least in that sense.”

Sokka shook his head and stood up straight. “I’ll be sure not to save you a seat at the wedding, Ozai.”

An angry shout ripped out from Ozai’s throat, but Sokka didn’t even listen to his words. He’d let his thoughts out. He was done.

***************

“I’m sorry in advance.”

Sokka pulled his leather hair tie out as he said it, placing it on the night and and walking toward the desk, where Zuko sat with a pen and papers.

“What for?”

“For a thing. That I did.”

Zuko lowered his pen and glanced up at his fiancé for a long moment before speaking. “Sokka, is there something you’d like to share with me?”

“I may or may not have gone to see your father in prison.”

Zuko went very still.

Sokka worried for a moment that he’d just made a gargantuan mistake, and that Zuko was about to shout and fuss and panic. Instead, he said:

“Oh.”

Huh.

“Oh?”

“I… why did you do that?”

Sokka put an arm on the desk and leaned into it. “To put your father in his place. Spirits know he needed it.”

Zuko’s face was inexplicably soft. Why was he reacting like this? “That’s… good, I think. What did he say?”

“About what you’d expect.”

Zuko chuckled. Sokka joined.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Sokka lifted his head and looked Zuko in the eye. “I thought you’d be mad at me.”

“I thought I’d be mad, too.”

“So why aren’t you?”

Zuko sighed and shrugged, a tired look on his face. “You can handle yourself. I know that.” He stood up and a smile crept onto his lips. “Besides, I can’t get angry at the guy I’m marrying.”

Sokka gasped. “How dare you call me corny when you say shit like that!”

Zuko grinned, stood up, and pushed Sokka down onto the bed that was across from the desk before brushing off his clothes and standing tall. “It’s late. You should sleep.”

“You mean we should sleep.”

“I have work to do,” Zuko stated, gesturing to the papers scattered on his bedroom desk.

“Zukooooo! Pleeeease?” Sokka did his very best impression of an animal begging for attention.

“Stop that.”

Sokka didn’t stop.

With an aggravated groan but a smile still present, Zuko resigned. “Fine, I’ll go to sleep.”

“Yay!” Sokka cheered like a child would upon getting a new toy. “A momentous occasion! We should throw a banquet, and get the musicians to perform-”

“If you don’t stop right now,” Zuko threatened, “I’m not coming to bed.” (Sokka didn’t believe him. He was already slipping under the covers.)

Sokka, elation not stifled, scooted up to him and offered the biggest grin he had at the ceiling. “You’re gonna love being married to me.”

“Shut up.”

Sokka frowned a little, but when he looked over, Zuko was smiling.

Yeah. Fuck Ozai.

Sokka smiled, too.

****************

Hope you enjoyed! Links below <3

Read on Ao3

Part one on tumblr

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #sokka #zukka #zukka fic #ozai #hating ozai hours #bitchlord ozai #l’oreal sokka writes #avatar #atla fic #avatar fic

88 notes · View notes

tanoraqui · 4 years

Note

Grave dirt baby... 🥺✨

me, procrastinating my actual fic? no... GRAVE DIRT BABY A-YUAN

HEY TUMBLR FUCKED UP ALL MY BULLET POINTS ON THIS THE SECOND I HIT POST BUT IT’S 4AM SO I’M LEAVING IT UP ANYWAY. STUPID GODDAMN WEBSITE.

Wei Wuxian has been in the Burial Mounds for like 2.5 months out of what he doesn’t yet know will be about 3. He’s not even sure he’s going to survive yet. But he has managed to manifest an evil sword - the evil sword - out of the aether/ambient resentful energy/an attunement set with an unwise touch in the belly of an evil turtle

and he does know that he’s not going to survive if he doesn’t get the power of the Burial Mounds under some sort of control

so he cuts his arm and with blood running down the blade, draws something adjacent to the first demon-summoning flag but as an array in the dirt. He stands in the middle and - keep in mind that he more or less hasn’t slept in 2.5 months - plunges the sword into the center, still coated in his blood, and draws in all the resentful energy of the Burial Mounds

was it supposed to go into the sword? Into himself? Into just the single 4ft diameter array area, a column of bound death? who knows, not Wei Wuxian! it’s pure gut instinct

u know what else works on gut instinct, thought? Fairy tales.

And in a fairy tale, why, clay of the earth plus iron enough for a blade plus still-warm blood to show the way...

There’s an implosion and Wei Wuxian is standing - somehow still standing - in a small crater where the array used to be, and his evil sword is plunged into the belly of a baby

He yanks it out in horrified reflex, and realizes a moment later that the baby seems unfazed by this. If there was even a wound, it closes before his eyes, and the glimpse he had showed something more bloody clay than flesh beneath the skin

the iron sword crumbles as he pulls it away, as though rusted a thousand years. the baby turns its head from the iron shavings that falls on it, but then reaches up for Wei Wuxian with a cheerfully demanding cry

he picks it up, of course. (he’d think he was hallucinating if he wasn’t absolutely and utterly aware that he’s not)

it is, as far as he can tell, with physical and spiritual resentful inspection, an absolutely normal baby

oh, except when he looks really closely. Then he can sense the neutron star–dense knot of resentful energy where a golden core might (but will definitely not have room to) form. Also, it can command the dead, and when he holds it, so can he. He’s not sure if it’s a proximity-based power share or if he’s passing his desires through the baby, but even Wei Wuxian, at about 3 months with no food save the rage of the dead and no rest save the promise of final release, has to stop investigating at some point. He has things to do!

specifically, he has Wens to kill

so instead of the iconic shot of the dark flautist in the moonlight, we get the dark, uh...man singing a very spooky lullaby to his baby in the moonlight. It is still deeply creepy. It’s a making-it-up-as-he-goes tune based on a Yunmengi lullaby that he certainly learned from neither of his foster parents, and the lyrics are along the lines of, “let them remember what they did, sweet little potato, let them remember why they’re dying”

yeah he’s been calling this child “Little Potato” for 2 weeks

why

is that not how you name a child

sometimes when he’s more annoyed at it, he calls it “Little Radish”, or even less appetizing root vegetables

by the time he walks in, the baby is asleep in his arms and he’s not singing anymore, just letting the dead do his will. This is what Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji see. The subsequent conversation, Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu at their feet, goes like this:

LWJ: Wei Ying. You have a baby.

WWX: Oh, uh...

PLAY DUMB!

WWX: What baby?

NOT THAT DUMB!

WWX: Oh, this baby! Haha yeah. I...found it.

JC: What the fuck

WWX: Yeah, weird, right? Right near the, uh...

LWJ: They said you were in the Burial Mounds

WWX: Yyyyup. Yes that is. I found this baby by the side of the road after I walked out of the Burial Mounds.

JC, briefly too morbidly fascinated to think about either the demonic cultivation they just watched or the fact that he wants to hug his brother like he’s never wanted to hug another being in his life: What did you name it?

WWX: ....

JC, desire to hug intensifying together with exasperation: oh my god

Sometime in the next couple days - after sleeping a bit, maybe - it occurs to Wei Wuxian that his raw instincts were right and things will go very badly for little A-Yuan (his siblings insisted he name it) if anyone finds out that he’s a not-yet-walking, not-yet-talking little neuron star of resentful energy. So he takes the iron shavings that are all that remain of the Stygian Turtle Sword and forges them into a Tiger-shaped Seal. He also carves a bamboo flute, like he’d been thinking about before the whole...baby thing. He loudly proclaims both to be dark and terrible weapons

(it really is helpful. The sword was...kind of A-Yuan’s other parent, after all, in addition to their third partner, the Burial Mounds. Chenqing gives him finer control of whatever stray resentful energy he chooses to pick up, and the Stygian Seal lets him channel A-Yuan’s power at need, even when not touching him. Which is good - a battlefield is no place for a baby)

even if that baby thinks ghosts and ghouls exist to pick him up and rock him or toss him around (babies like to be tossed)

Wei Wuxian puts so many goddamn spirit-repelling charms on that child, and lets it be marked down to the paranoia of a survivor

using whatever resentful energy he picks up is generally more effective, actually. Less strong, but it quickly becomes clear that the way this works does, in fact, involve Wei Wuxian communicating his desires through A-Yuan, or at least A-Yuan has to put up with the loan of power. There’s nothing quite like abruptly losing control of a field of corpses because the baby got abruptly uncooperative with anything that wasn’t barfing

the baby does eat, for the record. As far as Wei Wuxian can tell, he doesn’t actually need to, but once WWX fed him once, when they first left the Mounds, he wanted it all the time

he still takes A-Yuan with him when he can. That is the paranoia of a survivor. A-Yuan is...

“A battlefield is no place for a baby, A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli says gently, as he sets out from Carp Tower after another stolen visit, another failed attempt to convince Jin Guangshan off his ass. “And you are...so busy. LanlingJin takes in orphans, you know...”

“A-Yuan...he’s my blood,” Wei Wuxian says quietly. He’s never been good at lying to his shijie

Whatwherewhenhowwho, he’d see on her face if he was looking at it. But he isn’t. It’s not shame, though, she can see (it really never is, with Wei Wuxian). Fear of disappointing her, slight resignation...but mostly acceptance. Determination. Something almost like contentment.

(When Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangj first took him back to whatever resembled a base camp - somewhere in Qinghe, probably, or maybe Lanling - he had to let a trained healer look at A-Yuan, physical and spiritual examination, and he held his breath and calculated how many people he’d have to kill to get out of here, how fast he’d have to move to not hurt his brother or any particular friends; thought, oh, he’s mine, in a way he hadn’t before - as a child, a son, not just a very strange weapon -

“He’s quite healthy,” said the doctor, mildly surprised, bouncing A-Yuan on one knee. A-Yuan gurgled happily. “About three months old?”

the longer Wei Wuxian took to answer, the more disapproving her stare got. But that did make sense)

Then all else can be dealt with later. “You should still leave him here,” Jiang Yanli says firmly. “You need to look after yourself and A-Cheng out there. I can look after A-Yuan.”

It takes a bit under two years to win back the lost and burnt territories, scour the Wens out of every crevice, corner Wen Ruohan in his precious Nightless City and bring it tumbling down. Nobody will know the timing but A-Yuan sleeps through the final battle, smiling at dreams that would make a grown man weep in horror. Somewhere, his father is playing a lullaby

About a week later, Jiang Cheng stalks into Wei Wuxian’s bedroom, which he shares with A-Yuan. One of the first rooms rebuilt in the new Lotus Pier. A-Yuan is there, too, playing with blocks while Wei Wuxian idly drafts talismans

“A-jie said the kid is yours,” he says, crossed arms. “Like, yours-yours. When the fuck did you do that?”

(Wei Wuxian has thought about this, by now; gone over the pros and cons of every possibility, the politics and potentials and maybe even the giddy possibility of telling something like the truth)

(the guiding principle is: he has no interest in drawing on the “Stygian Tiger Seal” ever again. The Sunshot Campaign is over. His loved ones are safe, and he sees no reason why they shouldn’t all live long, happy, normal lives)

(also/though, he will burn Jin Sect, Carp Tower, and all of Lanling to the ground before the new Chief Cultivator should touch his son)

“In Caiyi,” he lies. “Right before I got kicked out. I, uh, snuck out a lot more often than you noticed.”

His brother squints at him suspiciously. But Wei Wuxian can also watch him do the math in his head and reluctantly admit that it works.

“So are you claiming him or what?” he challenges. “’Wei Yuan’? You have a courtesy name - wait, no, you are not naming that kid again. You’re going to make his courtesy name be Carrothead or something.”

“Should I let you pick it, oh wise and noble shidi - no, shushu?!” Wei Wuxian teases, as A-Yuan gets tired of his blocks and starts climbing up him like a jungle gym

Jiang Cheng sighs like the north wind - gusting long and hard, with just the faintest chill to suggest that the skies will be weeping, soon

But...

Despite some evidence to the contrary, Wei Wuxian is generally fully aware of when he’s about to cross a line that cannot be backtracked over. So he meets Wen Qing in the city, and before going to Lanling, he nips into Lotus Pier and picks up A-Yuan

He might leave A-Yuan with Wen Qing in the city when he goes to Glamour Hall, but Qiongqi Pass happens with a toddler watching silently from Wei Wuxian’s hip. Does Wei Wuxian tell him to look away, bury his face in baba’s shirt, or does he not bother, knowing the sort of song that makes up A-Yuan’s sweet dreams?

The Wens become the second through 51st or so people who learn what A-Yuan is. Wei Wuxian briefly considers trying to hide it, but, honestly, there are dead things everywhere on the Burial Mounds, and despite his genuine efforts, he cannot convince A-Yuan that a fierce corpse is anything but the ideal patty-cake companion. (They’ll play with him for hours! It’s a two-nearly-three-year-old’s dream!)

(he doesn’t want to convince him, not really. The last thing he wants to do ever is give A-Yuan anything to be scared of)

nor could he possibly wish that A-Yuan not be...obviously hale and hearty, running rosy-cheeked and strong around these hills of death that slowly seep the energy from any humans, animals, or even sturdy root crops

“So, uh, this is actually my demon baby,” said Wei Wuxian as they all settled in

“this day has been so weird already, this might as well goddamn happen”, said the Wens collectively

“You created a living child out of dead earth, so I’m going to take that as a yes that you can bring my brother back,” said Wen Qing specifically

“...fuck. I mean, yes. I mean - fuck,” said Wei Wuxian. “I- of course I will.”

(it doesn’t work like that, though)

The 52nd person to find out what A-Yuan is is Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian very much does not tell him. They have a pleasant toy-shopping trip and lunch in town, and then the alarm talisman goes off and Wei Wuxian grabs A-Yuan and Lan Wangji tugs them both onto Bichen and when they arrive, Wen Ning is roaring. Lan Wangji knows what’s important; he takes A-Yuan so Wei Wuxian’s hands are free and he doesn’t have to worry about his son

except Wen Ning, black-eyed with rage, throws Wei Wuxian into a tree hard enough to crack a rib, and even as Lan Wangji raises Bichen, A-Yuan shouts,

“Uncle Ning, stop!”

and Wen Ning stops

(as a rule, Wei Wuxian can’t take over with himself and Chenqing anything A-Yuan is controlling, unless A-Yuan lets him, and vice versa. To eliminate variables, Wei Wuxian had made sure that any reins on Wen Ning were his (Wei Wuxian’s) alone. But in that moment, before Wen Ning came fully back to himself, his reins were swinging free - and they were back within the bounds of the Burial Mounds, where A-Yuan was always strong)

and Lan Wangji puts several pieces together at once and prays to every single god in heaven and every ancestor he’s disappointing right now that this was a miracle of love and a very cute child piercing through a fierce corpse’s mindless rampage. That he simply...hallucinated the burst of resentful energy he just felt from the child in his arms

but he’s absolutely, utterly aware that he didn’t

Wei Wuxian explains, stilted and awkward at the bottom of the hill. Challenging and terrified. Holding on to A-Yuan.

Lan Wangji promises to keep the secret.

Wei Wuxian takes Hanguang-jun’s word

Remember, oh, remember, that Wei Wuxian walks A-Yuan back up the hill until A-Yuan gets tired and Wei Wuxian picks him up, on their one-and-a-half–man plank bridge through the dark. Remember remember remember that before he can finish speaking that line, there is light - the clearing is lit with lanterns and secret-keepers 2 through 51, and I suppose 53 now that Wen Ning is awake, are waiting with dinner and warmth and welcome. Reader, remember this.

But then...

Aunt Qing and Uncle Ning had gone, and then, with a terrible expression on his face, so had A-Yuan’s baba. Now his baba’s anger and sadness is so strong that the weight of it makes A-Yuan cry from hundreds of miles away, and he curls into Granny’s arms and sends his baba everything he can. Will everything be okay, then? Will everyone come home; will they be able to smile again?

(oh, A-Yuan...)

(No.)

A-Yuan - Wei Yuan, Little Potato (when he’s good for baba or bad for Aunt Qing) or Little Radish (inverse); one day to be Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui - was born in the good old fairy tale way of earth and iron and blood. It’s a hard thing for any child to lose even a single parent - in one day, in one minute, A-Yuan loses two of three, as the father of his blood burns away in hand the last shreds of Stygian iron, and promptly loses control of his own resentful energy

(the Tiger Seal does nothing like explode, in this world. It was never more than a prop - but a vital one. the benefit of proving it destroyed would be worth the loss of a parent, if only a second didn’t follow on its heels)

A-Yuan has been a dead thing (or close enough) come to life all his life, and both dead and living have been his friends and family. But he’s never felt the transition the other way: from life to death

It’s no wonder, really, that he can’t remember it afterward. No wonder that even on the land that was the last part of him, he was feverish and barely conscious when Lan Wangji stumbled, bleeding, off of Bichen, and took in his arms. No wonder that he remembered very little at all, including the dead.

But he would be okay. Under physical and spiritual inspection, he’s a perfectly normal boy. He may not be able to form a golden core (there's something in the way), but there are...workarounds. He’ll grow up in one of the most heavily spiritually warded enclaves in the world, safe and loved as he relearns (mostly in secret) what he can do

(For the sake of this story, and A-Yuan’s survival as something close to canon, let’s say there are some truly dark things in the forbidden section of the Lan Library, that could only be used for nefarious purposes - though, I suppose we already knew that. Let’s say there are talismans that will disguise the very nature of qi, so resentful energy may appear spiritual. Let’s say, Lan Xichen becomes the 53rd to know the truth, because his brother needs help - and it’s Wei Wuxian’s child, okay? It’s just Wei Wuxian’s child, quiet and unsure rather than laughing as he always was. If you were in the inner circle of leaders of the Sunshot Campaign, you have absolutely met this child, probably held him and bounced him on one knee)

(What keeps Lan Xichen up at night isn’t the concealing amulet he helped his brother make, which Lan Yuan wears at all times around his neck. It’s the silence he keeps every time he meets Jiang Wanyin’s eyes over a diplomatic table. If anyone had the right to know Wei Yuan survived... But Sandu Sengshou killed Wei Wuxian, everyone knows that, and now he hunts demonic cultivators - what might his pride drive him to do to his nephew, if he ever learned the truth? (Selfishly, Lan Xichen know that if Lan Wangji lost A-Yuan, even just to living at Lotus Pier, Lan Xichen might lose his brother. That fear ebbs with time passing, but the the longer he hasn’t spoken, the worse it would be to do so...))

They don’t restrict Lan Yuan to the Cloud Recesses, no more than any other novice. For memory of their mother, neither of them could bear that. Jiang Cheng does eventually see him at a conference, and stops dead. Years have passed, but that is an entire goddamn nephew, right there. But - how? No, it can’t be. That’s...everyone knows Lan Wangji hated Wei Wuxian. It’s just...and someone would have told him. The Lans value propriety above all, after all.

Anything that can be done with spiritual cultivation can be done with demonic cultivation, save heal. Lan Sizhui makes up for it with an encyclopedic knowledge of undead and monsters, and a prodigal talent for Inquiry

On their first night hunt, the young juniors face ghosts. Unfortunately, this is when Lan Jingyi learns that he’s terrified of ghosts. He’s hiding behind Lan Sizhui and panic is contagious, and the senior accompanying them is in a different room of the abandoned house, and Lan Sizhui forgets that he’s holding a sword and just shouts, “Stop! Go away!”

the ghost, of course, obeys

Lan Jingyi peeks out form behind him. “Did- did you do that?”

“I don’t know,” Lan Sizhui admits (except that he’s absolutely sure he did)

There’s another flicker of movement, just the wind blowing ashes but Jingyi whips around with wild eyes. “Can you do it again?”

[friendship. my point is, he’s a demon baby but he has family and friends who love and accept him.]

And one day, some absolute fucking morons are going to bring him back home, where he can never be anything but strong, and threaten his friends and family? And the threat is an army of his old playmates, commanded by an attempt at recreating some combination of Chenqing and the Tiger Seal? He couldn’t manage it in Yi City, but now A-Yuan, Wei Yuan, Lan Sizhui stands on earth that has never stopped being part of him, or maybe he’s never stopped being part of it. If he closed his eyes he could feel every foot on it, living and restless dead. And they’re threatening his baba - who he remembers, as the earth remembers its old partner, even though the blood is changed - and his father Hanguang-jun, and his extended family and friends?

No.

#lyratalus #mdzs #the untamed #ficlet #lan sizhui #wei wuxian #uh who else is here #must i tag them all? don't wanna #my fic #hmm need the speaker for the dead variant to get more childhood stuff; they're similar there

166 notes · View notes

compassionthreads · 4 years

Text

Real Apologies

Someone asked how to deliver real apologies and how to grow out of behaviors that hurt others and here is what I can offer under the read more:

Why it can be hard to apologise

So why do so many people struggle with admitting their mistakes, electing instead to play the ostrich-head-in-the-sand game? Often masquerading behind stiff facades and a determination to shift blame (often onto the hurt party), and to save ego and skin, it’s a dangerous place to sit long term.

Owning and admitting mistakes of any kind can feel like a loss of power and a declaration of weakness. This is a phoney fear in reality as taking responsibility and apologising takes great courage and strength.

Studies also show entrenched non-apologists grapple with deeper psychological conflict around apologising as it elicits fundamental shameful feelings (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid.

Sue Parker wrote for SmartCompany:

For clarity, I’m reflecting in this article on the commonplace (but still harmful) mistakes that are made in our lives and businesses — as opposed to those of the monumental, historical, government, institutional and or royal commission kind. -SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

So, given that humans make mistakes, be they intentional or inadvertent, why is admitting and apologising with remorse often akin to pulling a decayed tooth from a tiger? What prevents people stepping out to take responsibility and remedy? Mistakes that are not addressed can be set in stone causing ongoing commercial and human damage.

“It’s never too late to put things right. It’s never too late to say sorry and mean it.”

A genuine apology can shift mountains of despair, alleviate hurt, elevate self-esteem and purpose, encourage honesty, build partnerships, foster trust and most importantly allow situations and relationships to really repair, grow and succeed.

An apology:

Is simply the right and decent thing to do;

Works to repair and re-establish relationships and trust;

Helps restores dignity and wellbeing to the other party who has been hurt;

Minimises conflict and gives the space for business creativity;

Strengthens self-respect and values

Minimises feelings of deep remorse that can impact you physically and emotionally.

-SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

Apologies are definitely “crucial conversations,” and the book gives good insight into the win-win potential a real apology creates:

…an apology isn’t really an apology unless you experienced a change in heart. To offer a sincere apology, your motives have to change. You have to give up saving face, being right or winning in order to focus on what you really want. You have to sacrifice a bit of your ego by admitting your error. But like many sacrifices, when you give up something you value, you’re rewarded with something even more valuable — healthy dialogue and better results.

According to The Power of Remorse and Apology by Hershey H Friedman an apology is structured in the next manner:

What does an apology entail? O’Hara (2004), synthesizing the literature on apologies, states that an effective apology has the following four elements:

(1) Identification of the wrongful act; (2) Expression of remorse and regret for having committed the act; (3) Promise to forbear from committing the wrongful act in the future; (4) Offer of repair.

There can be an apology without remorse. Indeed, this is usually a failed or pseudo-apology, an apology that does not heal and may make matters worse. Lazare (2004, pp. 85-106) describes various types of apologies that do not indicate true remorse, for instance:

An apology that minimizes the offense or implies that the victim was not really hurt.

A conditional apology such as “If anyone has been hurt by my actions, I am sorry” does not usually indicate remorse.

On the other hand, there can be remorse without apology. Remorse usually indicates that there are psychological pain and suffering on the part of the wrongdoer. They wish they could go back in time and undo the bad deed. Many people regret past misdeeds and think of them often but may, however, never apologize to their victims.

Remorse without an apology may mean that both the victim and the offender suffer an entire life; there is no opportunity for healing.

Engel (2001, p. 12) observes:

When we apologize to someone we have hurt, disappointed, neglected, or betrayed, we give them a wonderful gift that is far more healing than almost anything else we can give. By apologizing, we let the other person know that we regret having hurt him or her. Just as important, we let this person know we respect him, and we care about his feelings. It becomes one of the most effective tools for mending a relationship.

Therefore this begs the question what constitues then, as a Non apology?

According to Zahra Barnes (JUL 21, 2015); A non apology constitutes of Five core signs that the aggravator does not mean what they say.

1. They Don't Seem to Understand Why They’re Apologizing

After actually saying "I'm sorry," comprehending what they did wrong is the bare minimum for an apology. "Sorry on its own is like a balloon without a string," says Greer. "It needs to be tied to them explaining how they hurt you."

If they’re not showing an awareness of why what they did wasn't okay and how it affected your feelings, they probably doesn't get that they did anything wrong in the first place. "The apology is just the beginning," says Greer. "The first thing it needs to be packaged with is an explanation of what exactly they’re apologizing for."

2. They Make It All About Themself

Empathy is key for a successful apology, but it needs to be done the right way. "When someone brings in their own experience, he runs the risk of trivializing the intensity of your feelings," says Greer. Instead of making it sound like they know exactly how they hurt you, they could have tweaked the language and settled on something like, "I'm sorry I created some backlash that was upsetting for you. I've been through some myself, and it wasn't fair to help put you in that position." (On a social example.) That way, it doesn't make it seem like they think they're in the same exact situation.

3. They Make a Show Out of It

So about that whole getting-on-his-knees and apologizing to (social circle or media) thing. "That's television, so it makes more sense there, but if a person is falling all over themselves just repeating that they’re sorry, it may not be sincere," says Greer. Without an explanation of how they plan on changing any hurtful behaviors in the future, dramatic apologies can fall flat. "An apology should include some sort of intention about how they’re going to change going forward," says Greer. That's one major way you'll know they care about not making the same mistake twice.

4. Their Actions Don't Mimic Their Words

Following a person’s stated resolve to do better, they need to actually, you know, do better. "You have to give it time to play out because what people say in the moment can only be supported by what they do in the future," says Greer. Otherwise, a lack of change shows they can't take ownership of the apology.

5. They Expect You to Get Over It ASAP

If a person does all of the above, they could still undermine what would otherwise be a good apology by expecting you to go back to normal in an instant. "That's more about them wanting you to get on with it without fully understanding why you might need more time," says Greer. Instead, after explaining that they knows how they hurt you and what they’ll do to make sure it doesn't happen again, a person who's truly sorry will get that it might take some time for you to heal.

Given this information it’s understood that the structure of the apology needs to be characterized by giving a victim space, understanding, empathy, and giving oneself personal introspection and reparation.

But to be more exact, how do you say you don’t mean something, and/or how do you avoid saying the wrong thing?

Kelsey Borresen (04/12/2018) has a good list of things Not to say during apologies that are representative of nonapologies:

1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Even though this phrase begins with the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ it is not a real apology. It does not take ownership of any wrongdoing. It does not communicate remorse for your actions, and it does not express any empathy towards the other person’s feelings. Instead, it may imply that you think the other person is being irrational or overly sensitive. Try to understand and take responsibility for how your actions or words hurt the other person, saying something like, ‘I’m sorry that I canceled our plans at the last minute. It was inconsiderate of your time and I understand why you are angry at me.’” ― Gina Delucca, clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF

2. “I’m sorry I said that, but I never would have if you hadn’t behaved the way you did.”

“Again, we are hearing blame. ‘Look what you made me do.’ This is not an apology for one’s behavior but actually a maneuver to hold the other person responsible for one’s behavior. In other words, ‘You caused me to say this to you.’ We are all responsible for our behavior, no matter what the other person says or does. A heartfelt apology is to recognize the pain we cause and own our behavior: ‘I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did and upset you.’” ― Carol A. Lambert, psychotherapist and author of Women with Controlling Partners

3. “I was stressed out!” (or tired... or hungry... or in a bad mood...)

“This makes a recurrence of the offense almost inevitable. Always connect the apology to the future. For example, ‘The next time I feel that way (whatever triggered the offense), I will remember that I love you and that our bond is so important to me,’ or, ‘I’ll make sure I get centered in my values so I don’t act on impulse.’ The subtext should always be: ‘I’m sorry that I hurt you and harmed the bond between us.’” ― Steven Stosny, psychologist and author of Love Without Hurt

4. “I said I’m sorry already, why can’t you just let it go?”

“Blaming your partner for not immediately accepting your apology, forgiving you and moving on is unrealistic and unfair. For an apology to be effective, it must be clear that:

1) You accept full responsibility for your actions and inactions;

2) You are sincerely sorry for anything you’ve done to cause pain and

3) That you want to remedy the situation by giving your partner what they need to feel safe in order to move on and forgive you.

Not all apologies lead to immediate forgiveness. It may take time. And it may take apologizing more than once. Start by asking what your partner needs in order to trust you and feel safe and then do it.” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

5. “I was reacting to...”

“This is an excuse, not an apology.” ― Stosny

6. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“This is an example of a conditional apology that doesn’t truly acknowledge any remorse or personal responsibility. By using the word ‘if,’ you are communicating that the problem isn’t really about what you did, but is about how the person reacted to what you did instead.

Essentially, this type of ‘non-apology’ places the blame back onto the person it’s directed at. Simply remove the word ‘if,’ and your apology can take on a whole new meaning: ‘I’m sorry I offended you. I will make sure to be more considerate and careful with my words in the future.’” ― Tara Griffith, marriage and family therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF

7. “I may have done this, but you did that!”

“Try to avoid keeping score and bringing up times when the other person was in the wrong. An apology is about you acknowledging the wrongfulness of your own actions and making amends; it is not about pointing fingers at other people as a way to justify your actions.” ― Delucca

Here are six words that can sabotage your apology in no time flat delivered by

1. You

There’s no better way to apologize without actually apologizing than following an “I’m sorry” with this three-letter pronoun. “I’m sorry you … [feel that way/think that/misinterpreted things/anything else].”

If you’re sorry, be sorry for your actions. Don’t imply that the recipient was wrong to feel upset or hurt.

Of course, context is important. If it applies, then feel free to throw in you at other points, as in the always appreciated expression “You were right, and I was wrong.”

2. But

This little conjunction may be the ultimate apology annihilator. You never know what will come after it, but whatever it is, it’s bound to steer your mea culpa away from sincerity and down a road of excuses and exculpations . Best to leave the phrase “I’m sorry, but … ” at the door.

3. If

Such a short little pronoun, but its passive-aggressive power is massive.

“If it came off that way …” “If I hurt you …” “If you think I was wrong …” If you were wrong there should be no ifs about it.

4. I

It’s obviously OK to start an apology with I, as in “I am sorry,” but if the rest of your apology is filled with “I this …” and “I that…” then there’s a good chance you’re making it all about you, and not about the person you hurt. Be mindful of how you incorporate this term, and whether what follows is a line of defense, or something more earnest and useful.

5. Blame

While the rain (cue Milli Vanilli), tequila, or anything else may have something to do with your actions, saying, “I blame it on … ” sucks the sincerity right out of an apology. It implies that you’re holding someone or something other than yourself responsible, and it sounds more like an explanation than a plea for forgiveness. Plus, we all know that it can never really be the tequila’s fault.

6. Not

This mighty adverb can come in handy in all kinds of heartfelt apologetic phrases, but the tired “sorry, not sorry” isn’t one of them. Enough with the sarcastic sorrow. Can we please just banish this phrase already? Either be sorry or don’t be sorry, and if you’re not, then words like unapologetic , impenitent, and obdurate have a much nicer ring.

Then if it is this easy to own up, apologize and move on, how come so many people cannot do this?

Why Apologies Threaten Non-Apologists, by Guy Winch tells us that for non-apologists, saying "I’m sorry" carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:

Admissions of wrongdoing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.

Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can instead open the door to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes non-apologists feel bad about their selves—who they are—which is what makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.

While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.

Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability. If arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.

By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct.

However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case) will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.

Looking at the barebasics of the psychology behind non apologists, and what a non apology may look like, is it possible to implement an apology as an abuse tactic? The short answer ? Is yes, it is. And it is extremely common in familial and romantic relationships with toxic and or unhealthy people who do not know anything about emotional maturity. That and by abusers.

Emily Desanctis’s article for the Writer’s Corps tells us What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You:

1. A declaration made out of selfishness

Synonym: I don’t want to feel guilty anymore

I feel guilty because of what happened, and guilt isn’t a good feeling. I’m saying that I’m sorry to make myself feel better, not you.

2. A means to end a dispute that the apologizer would prefer to avoid, often for lack of caring

Synonym: This conversation is over

I’m tired and bored with this disagreement so I’m using these words to end it. I probably don’t believe it or don’t care enough to get to the real issue and so I’ll say this, so you’ll stop pressing for more. It may seem that I’m submitting to your point here, but in fact, I’m using this phrase to avoid doing so.

3. A method of appeasement to control another person

Synonym: I’m in control

I’m telling you what you want to hear not because I mean it, but because I know it will appease you and then allow me to pull your strings as I desire. If I don’t say it, there’s a high likelihood of some outcome occurring that I don’t want to happen—maybe you’ll stop talking to me or leave me home alone while you go out with your friends or break up with me for good. “I’m sorry” is simply a tool I pull out from my toolbox to prevent these things from happening.

4. A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”

Synonym: you should be sorry

I wanted to hurt you and I did exactly what I knew would do so. But you started it—like always, you did something to make me upset: you weren’t where you said you’d be, you smiled at that stranger in an overtly flirtatious way, you took too long to respond to my text. Even though you might pretend that you didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that’s a lie. This is really your fault; in fact, you should be apologizing to me.

5. A means of furthering the test of how far the apologizer can push the other person’s boundaries and get away with it

Synonym: I’m testing you

I know what will hurt you and I do it with pleasure. I’m testing you to see what I can get away with—to see what you’ll put up with and what you won’t. “I’m sorry” is just something I say before I do this again—maybe the same exact way, or maybe slightly differently. Don’t worry, over time you’ll become desensitized to this; it will simply be “normal,” and so I’ll continue to push further so I can provoke you to react and keep myself entertained.

The hidden meaning behind any disingenuous “I’m sorry” is the same: I’m not really sorry because you deserve it. This is the lie that manipulators who lavish false apologies spread.

In short, a sincere apology can be seen in 3 parts: “I am sorry . It's my fault .What can I do to make it right?”

And how can a person show that they are becoming better?

Respect boundaries. Respect people’s intrincasies or walk away if you cannot coexist healthily. Communicate, constantly. Everything and Anything will be misinterpreted. This is not a joke, it is a common human matter.

Surround yourself with people who will be ready to openly critcize, hold you accountable and/or call you out on your unhealthy behavior, not those that will simply not along to your actions or look the other way when someone is being hurt by you. Yes men are not a ways to grow up, they are enablers who will hold you back on your path toward becoming a better, healthier person and who will allow you to walk all over them regardless of their own feelings and opinions.

Cultivate Gratitude. Yeah. You’ve probably heard it a million times, but keeping a gratitude journal of what you’re thankful for can have a big effect on your mindset. Research has shown that incorporating gratitude into your daily life can help ward off stress, improve sleep, and cultivate more positive social relationships.

Anna Hennings, MA, a mental performance coach in sport psychology, recommends using the acronym GIFT to help you identify what you’re grateful for.

When thinking about things you’re grateful for, look for instances of:

Growth: personal growth, like learning a new skill

Inspiration: moments or things that inspired you

Friends/family: people who enrich your life

Tranquility: the small, in-between moments, such as enjoying a cup of coffee or a good book

Surprise: the unexpected or a nice favor

The next time you find yourself feeling incompetent or overwhelmed, try telling yourself:

“I know this change is going to be challenging, but I’ve put a lot of meaningful thought into it and have considered all the options open to me [fact], so I feel confident I am doing the best I can in this moment [optimism].”

Being kind to others can help give you a sense of purpose and make you feel less isolated.

Try doing something nice for someone at random:

Pay a compliment to a stranger.

Buy lunch for your colleague.

Send a card to a friend.

Make a donation to someone in need.

“You’ll notice your mood lift a little when you do good for the sheer joy of it,” says Roantree. (Studies Trusted Source) show that simply counting acts of kindness for one week can boost happiness and gratitude.

Allow the other person’s experience to be what it is, without trying to dismiss their pain. Work to extend true empathy, as you strive to understand their perspective. There may be a time to teach them a life lesson; for now, offer your love and care instead, which validates their experience.

Before offering your opinion or guidance, think carefully about how it’s likely to be received. For example, that critiques of one’s parenting are almost never welcome. You might also take a closer look at what’s driving the pattern of criticism, and discuss with the recipient how you intend to change your behavior.

Be honest with yourself about the feelings you have that lead to the behavior. If you’re unhappy about something and it’s worth addressing, find a time and a way to do it directly and honestly.

Take a close look at your patterns in relationships. Look into information on “attachment style” (like this book), which is how we tend to connect with other people. You might also address this issue in therapy.

Think about the people you’re close to and who is going through a hard time. Let them know you are there if they need anything. Put reminders in your calendar to check in with them regularly. And remember, it’s much better to support someone imperfectly than to be absent, even if you don’t know “the right thing to say.”

Share more openly with the people who need to know. This will probably be painful at first, but it will spare you and others pain in the long run. It is also likely to lead to more support than you otherwise would have had, and perhaps to a solution you hadn’t thought of.

When you listen and ask more, you are better able to learn and understand others. Compassion and empathy are learned emotions and behaviors.

When you people please, it’s not genuine. And people can definitely feel that and can tell. It doesn’t benefit anyone. The person who is on the receiving end feels uncomfortable and like the other person is acting out of obligation.

Have you ever met someone who was super nice to you, but rude to workers and waiters? Or they were always complimenting you, but always had something mean to say about everyone else? Or they showered you with gifts and ‘love’ only because they wanted something in return or to manipulate you? This is similar and these people may very well be people pleasers. They just want everyone to like them if it serves them.

This is not most people pleasers though. People pleasing often stems out of fear and anxiety, fear of rejection and low self-esteem which results in lower standards, letting people walk all over us, and being afraid to say no.

You should never try to be generous for the sake of being liked. That’s not generosity. It’s people pleasing. And people will often see right through it.

One should learn from other’s mistakes. This is one of the best way to become a better person. People around you - Parent, sibilings, cousins, friends make mistakes. Its always wise to learn from their mistakes, and avoid it in your life.

One should accept their own mistakes. This is first step toward improving yourself, if you don’t accept your mistakes, you are never going to improve. If someone think, he is always right, then in reality he is doing something terribly wrong.

Be humble and avoid ego. There is always someone, who is better than you, so having ego on something is never going to work.

And most importantly don’t pretend that “because it was (x time) ago” it does not matter or that the person / people you have harmed have to “get over it” or are “holding old shit” / “against you”.

Hurt is hurt whether you like it or not. And when you cause it, change needs to come from within, it needs to be a personal decision and choice.

Ask for introspective opinions and constructive criticism. Seek professional guidance and help. Sort your own shit out. Move on if you’re told to move on by your victims. Don’t cling.

Sources:

O’Hara, Erin Ann (2004). Apology and thick trust: What spouse abusers and negligent doctors might have in common. Chicago-Kent Law Review, 79(3), 1055-1089.

Lazare, Aaron (2004). On apology. New York: Oxford University Press.

5 Signs His Apology Is Bullsh*t

If You Say This During An Apology, You're Doing It Wrong

What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You

You’ve stuffed up, now what? Why the power of a genuine apology can move mountains

Writer’s name needed: https://www.dictionary.com/e/words-that-ruin-an-apology/

Lastly: Administrator’s personal imput.

#mental health #apologies #support #uhhh #hurting people #og post

124 notes · View notes