#which i still do not know

[onbearfeet]

When you have a wheezing fit in the middle of a paragraph so now your character has breathing problems too.

#writing nonsense #fanfiction #i have decided jack has bigger lungs in wolf form #which makes sense considering the thicker chest and also extra aerobic capacity #like dude those jumps take OXYGEN #so going back to jack size is a little wheezy sometimes #this insight brought to you by whatever the fuck is wrong with my lungs #which i still do not know #and no I've never had covid or smoked

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[mamawasatesttube]

BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...

#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually #and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash #and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change #also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb #from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs #and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash #or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into #and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is #ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)! #rimi talks

[hansoeii]

crowley

#fem presenting crowley you're everything to me #as you might know I've been recovering from an injury these past few weeks which is why I couldn't draw as much as usual #been doing a bit better so I wanted to give drawing a try again #while my arm isn't back to normal yet it feels a LOT better than 2 weeks ago #which is a good sign #still gonan take things easy of course #good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #fem crowley #why was one of teh suggestions for that tag fem crocodile #I'll have to look that up #david tennant #crowley fanart #aziracrow #aziracrow fanart #my art #fanart #my good omens art #good omens 2

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

#Sir Crocodile #Monkey D Dragon #Emporio Ivankov #Dragodile #Crocodad #My art #One Piece #We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay #Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao #I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally #He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace. #You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that #Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy #And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do #But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨ #And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out. #and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day? #or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

[petricorah]

I love "i would kill for you" ship dynamics but what about "i would stop killing" ship dynamic??

I would lay down my sword for you. I would change my nature and go against everything i've known. I would resist the easy way out of solving my problems. I would give up the adrenaline of battle to stay by your side and make tea instead. I'm not sure I know who I am without a weapon in my hand because I've had to fight for so long but for you I'm willing to try and figure this out.

It must be hard. To put down your weapon that's protected you for so long. It's allowed you to stay alive it's kept you from getting hurt--physically and mentally. Because you've never had to worry about a real relationship if you think you'll be dead at the next battle. And you feel naked without it and it feels like you're ripping off an extension of yourself. Are you even whole without it? Are you worthy of being loved if you can't prove it by risking your life? And yet they've found someone who's asking them for something much harder than dying in battle on their behalf. They've found someone who wants them to live. And that's much more terrifying.

#i know this sounds like the 'bad guy falls for good guy' which can be fun but thats not what i mean #anyway. this wasn't quite zukka but i do think it aligns with my au of zuko not dying on the throne and sokka retiring his sword to paint #and living like piandao in the mountains. urging zuko to retire and zuko no longer needing fire bending and not knowing what to do with #himself if he doesnt have to fight #so he uses his bending to make tea instead :) #aka this is how divorced zukka can still get together #zuko being upset bc sokka chose work over them in the first place but so dodnhe #but he gets a second chance in retirement #if he can give it up

[thesociallyanxioussociopath]

Part 4 and End of Alastor's bad day Alastor survived his fake date and will probably (not) think twice in the future before trying to one-up Lucifer on unknown projects. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #radio demon #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #radiostatic #kinda ? #charlie morningstar #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #vaggie #my art #and we will never know what else happened on that fake date #except that Vox is still alive after it which is a miracle #also yes I do have the full color HD version of the photo #still haven't decided if I'm gonna do something with that #it's just my desktop background for now #fun fact their poses in the photo was greatly inspired by the “cock shame”/“pussy facing the world” meme

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[eggsdrawings]

movie trio 🍿🎬

#bnha #mha #izuku midoriya #shouto todoroki #katsuki bakugou #origin trio #todobakudeku #? i suppose #an attempt at me drawing chibis. i still dont know how to do that very well #i imagine they are watchin RoboDestruction 2 or Pretty Unicorn Rainbow. you can decide on which one and who chose it #eggsdrawings

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Vanessa questions the power of remnant

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #fnaf vanessa #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly #fnaf #fnaf movie #sister location #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #Vanessa was just curious!! she wanted to power scale remnant BAHA #Michael only heard the cut off the head part and got spooked #which is so fair #I think Vanessa and Michael have general knowledge of remnant #but don’t know nearly enough as their dads #Michael knows a bit more through being covered in it #but still ah interesting question on how much can remnant can actually do #The alt universe Afton siblings content continues 🩵💜

[starryaike]

The Jesters!

#my art #sundrop #moondrop #fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf sb #sun fnaf #moon fnaf #daycare attendant fnaf #im sorry for so many tags i still do not know which ones to use #these were super fun! #i love them sm my blorbos

[collophora]

Sleep time.

#star wars #the bad batch #star wars fanart #the bad batch fanart #tbb #tbb fanart #I was trying coloring methods #idk #they still rely on me doing a clean sketch #and I'm really bad at doing clean sketches #and color tooo #It felt like most of the time I success randomly without knowing why #which is a problem if you wanna do it on command to get a job ya know #or do commissions #oh btw I finally cut my hair #I baked sweet potatoes cinnamon rolls too #Ok bye

[pocchi-poket]

You know, I feel like we're not talking enough about the fact that Alastor has in his room a full reproduction (?) of a swamp-forest that's highly likely very similar to the one where he was killed. Talk about being morbid.

Edit: someone pointed out in the comments that the swamp-forest is called bayou. It's a kind of ecosystem in Louisiana.

#And he was eating a deer in it #And we know he kind of embraced his deer identity #Idk I feel like there is some symbolic meaning related to his feelings about his death that I'm not fully grasping #Maybe something connected to his obsession with power because by doing this he's stating he isn't affected even by his own death? #Which is an act as shown first of all by the panic attack he had when he did almost die against Adam #And second (if it's still canon) by his fear of dogs #Still I find this interesting #hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor the radio demon #the radio demon #alastor hazbin #hazbin hotel alastor

[yuurionviktor]

Back to my meme redraws

#the locked tomb #kiriona gaia #kiriona the first #ianthe the first #ianthe naberius #kirianthe #I would say it’s literally the opposite but still #gideon the first #gideon the ninth #nona the ninth #things ive made #I just remembered this meme and couldn’t stop thinking about it #so you have to see it too now #gideon nav #ianthe tridentarius #my favorite thing on AO3 is people having tags like tw: Ianthe #also I want to honestly admit that I do not know which hand is the bone hand and I never do or will keep track of it in a drawing #I mirror drawings all the time so even if I do sketch it with right intent any asymmetrical element is a coin flip