#when do I get freedom

[knockingfrominside]

I feel like a zombie

Like I have nothing left to give

And I’m just existing

Perhaps it’s the new meds

Or perhaps I just have hit my limit

#bpd #poetry #poets on tumblr #dpd #love #self love #writers #poems #severe depression #triggering words #depression poems #depression poetry #tired #when do I get freedom

[lucky-slice]

Do you understand how much kevin respects neil? And i don't mean when it comes to exy, like sure there's a whole lot of you're not good enough followed by you will make court bluh bluh bluh, i mean fundamentally as a human.

Kevin and Neil's conversation after the truth of Neil's father is revealed drives me absolutely insane because I think it highlights a lot about how Kevin views Neil.

so indulge me for a bit....

I think a lot of people forget, in light of Andrew choking Kevin for not telling him the truth, that Kevin's initial reaction was to tell Neil to run.

*sorry for the quality - these are all screenshots off my phone

Kevin's instinct is to tell Neil to save himself, despite what that would mean for the team's success and for Kevin himself. This is significant to me for two reasons.

It highlights that Kevin genuinely cares about Neil outside of his exy potential. For most people, this would be a pretty obvious response to finding out your teammate has a guaranteed death sentence if they stick around, so it might not seem all that meaningful, but Kevin was raised in such an environment were you continued to play no matter what - even at the risk of death. Kevin is unflinchingly callous when it comes to exy and his teammates (*see his reaction to Seth's death), but he is frantic in his concern for Neil in contrast to his fairly passive response to basically anyone else's wellbeing outside of exy. Neil's death will have no real impact on Kevin. If Neil dies or goes to the ravens, nothing changes for Kevin. He is not at a greater risk of being hurt by Riko or the Moriyama's nor will his exy career be effected. That's not to say he would tell Neil to stay if he cared about him any less, but there is a desperation that implies a depth beyond just that of a teammate.

The fact that Kevin is frantic and desperate for Neil to leave, gives weight to his decision to keep teaching Neil in the aftermath of the revelation.

Neil doesn't want to run - he wants to be Neil Josten until the end. He gave Kevin his game and now he's asking him to keep it and Kevin obliges.

This is essentially Kevin promising that he will keep Neil's secret. He will allow Neil to wear his mask and continue teaching him despite the fact that Neil is essentially a dead man walking. This, to me, is Kevin ultimately respecting Neil and his choice. At any moment, Kevin has the ability to got to Wymack or Andrew and give Neil the chance at surviving, but that would mean betraying Neil.

Some people (certainly the foxes) would view refusing Neil's request as the proper and morally correct thing to do. But I think Kevin's immediate acceptance of Neil's decision is both immensely meaningful to Neil and also a signifier of a shared understanding between to two.

Imagine how impactful it must be for Neil, who has never had autonomy over his own life and has been marked for death basically since he was born, to be told that not only will his decisions and his autonomy be respected, but there is someone who will stand by his side on the court, knowing the whole truth, until the very end.

Kevin doesn't have much to offer Neil at this point. He can not give him a future - he'll be long dead before he can ever make court, and Kevin is a coward - he is not andrew, he can't stand up against the Moriyama's or Riko or Neil's father. Kevin can not protect Neil in a way that matters. All he can do is promise to keep Neil's secret and offer him a few more months of being Neil Josten.

I'm not including this to disparage Andrew or to suggest that he does not respect Neil, but this highlights that Kevin knows the decision to keep Neil's secret is one only Kevin would make. Andrew without a doubt would immediately try to get Neil to leave or attempt to get him into protection. I'm not passing a judgement of morality on what would've been the right thing to do, but I do think Kevin's reaction is indicative of the fact that Neil and Kevin understand each other in a way that no one else really will.

Neil and Kevin are a parallel's in a number of ways. Kevin lived the life that Neil was supposed to have and they are two parts of one story.

To them exy is not a game, but it's not really about exy either. It's about deciding to stay just to play for a couple more months even though you'll wind up dead because playing means you finally get to live after years of being a ghost. It's about playing to be the best no matter what, even though the consequences are having your hand smashed and the life you know completely demolished. It's about playing even though you're shaking with fear and anxiety because you need proof that your life, whether it be running to survive or living under an abusive hand, was not a waste.

Kevin agrees to keep Neil's secret because if the roles were reversed, Kevin would like to believe that he'd be strong enough to ask Neil for the same thing. This is obviously conjecture and a heavy heavy reading between the lines, but I'd like to think there's some truth there.

Finishing up with this line because it makes me a little emotional.

Kevin starts the conversation by calling Neil "Nathaniel" and ends it by calling him Neil again. Its right there in the text, "it was a promise". Kevin is offering Neil a life that is fully his - not his father's, not Riko's, but Neil's to do with what he would like, even if its only for a couple more months. If that's not respect, than I don't know what is.

#kevin day #neil josten #gnat be quiet #aftg #screaming and smashing bottles and shouting do you get it at the top of my lungs #do you get it? #this is what kevin does #he believes in people until the very end because that's only thing he can offer #I think there's a lot to delve in here about choices and freedom and growing up without either #and about what it means to live for yourself #even when that means dying for yourself too #maybe kevin doesn't know how to be brave but he knows how to give other people the chance to be

[mattodore]

playing with dionte's hair bc i'm procrastinating

#river dipping #dionte duval #lykos #ts4 #i do really love how dionte and nicholas kinda have a b4b (bald for bald) thing going on.... but that first hair........ #he looks so good... the urge to keep it is gonna make me develop a twitch under my eye... #i love the shadows the locs add btw like i personally loveee when hair creators add shading #like the DRAMAAA it adds!!! #also don't look too closely at him here bc i actually haven't updated him yet hence no proper edit of him (tho i probably won't change much #i'm really just supposed to be cleaning out the hundreds!! of duplicate households in my library dkhjnkfgh i just. get so distracted #i also have to fix mattodore's households bc i think i accidentally deleted the updated version of them at 20... #like there are multiple other saves?? but they're all with matthias's old chin??? like literally WHERE did the updated version go #so i need to clean out my library from the top down and fix their sims #i really messed my sleep schedule up the day before yesterday when i was working on those edits of delphi btw #but i did enjoy rewatching secretary and watching charade while staying up all night to do them <3 #also listened to the first two chapters of freedom is a constant struggle! editing may take me forever but i do do other things as i do it #...........talking a lot in these tags bc i'm seriously procrastinating jdkhnf i do NOT ! want to clean through my library it's a mess #OH. ALSO GOOD MORNING I FORGOT TO SAY THAT ‼️ #seeing this again two days later and seeing the amount of notes....... y'all weren't meant to reblog this kjhdkfjhndkjgnh #now i'm like damn... is there any reason to make his intro edit like i did for ria and delphi 😭😭😭😭😭

[essektheylyss]

Honestly, I'm very excited to find out what happened to Caleb and Beau, but specifically because Ludinus's current status is WILD for Caleb's epilogue in particular. It means his boyfriend is basically free and clear of everyone who has explicit material knowledge of the deal he made. It means the goal he planned to dedicate his life to is basically complete within six years. It means that virtually no one left on the Assembly cares much what kinds of changes he makes to Soltryce from here on out.

Ludinus is on the moon and probably not coming back, given the general expectations of the heroic fantasy genre, and the rest of it is a whole lot of "not Caleb's problem".

What does this man even do with the rest of his life?

#also who succeeded vess. this is the real question. no one in that role isn't fucking evil. #I'm just thinking about it. I don't imagine they'll have the same kind of time in the one-shot to go through epilogues again but like. #I do hope there's a lil bit. I wanna know what caleb does knowing that this massive problem is no longer a problem for him. #I am admittedly also presuming that margolin was implicated in or at least disgraced by the scourger shit cuz like #that's just not an easy thing to claim you knew nothing about lmfao #and fuck 'im #but like. the rest of the group is just. whatever yanno. but does caleb keep pushing? idk #I think he should get to be headmaster he'd be great at that #but then I am a caleb as magical headmaster truther so #ANYWAY I just want to see it. I wanna see what caleb looks like when he has absolute freedom before him. #it's WHAT HE DESERVES DAMMIT. #critical role #caleb widogast

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows

but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there

(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in

& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)

"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"

but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.

and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.

(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)

and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know

i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4

However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.

which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!

all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself

(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)

#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together! #i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk #trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret #SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me #its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane #like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on- #there is something soooo wrong with him <3 #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone #but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them #he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the - #i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to #but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines #in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives #they're authentic in their ignorance #and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation #no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change #they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they? #so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More #the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside #bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it? #idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo #doing what You want. you can just Be' #but yk. what was i talking about again #oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark #he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing #hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!! #FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH

[imminent-danger-came]

They're so fucking mean

#''When I could do magic I finally felt like myself'' -> get's possessed because he used magic #''I felt like myself!'' -> ''parts of yourself you can't understand'' #I'm fine #I'm fine!!! #Also god Finnegran's ''You have all the power and control here! If you care about them so much set them free'' #Like bro just shoot me at this point #Truly Callum wanting the freedom to do what he wants to do is everything to me #wait huh do you hear something- *Sun Wukong hits me in the back of the head with a steal chair* #tdp #the dragon prince #tdp parallels #tdp callum

[neechees]

You know when like a book or a show etc is about racism & then the White fans will try to say the messaging is about literally everything EXCEPT racism. That's what ppl are kinda doing with Spirit (2002)

#they do that with irl issues also #'its about freedom''its about escaping authoritarianism'' 'its about child abuse' 'its just about animal exploitation' #or 'its just a horse movie' #like. i mean who am i to say your interpretation is 100% wrong since ppl get different things from narratives #but i feel like if you think its NOT about racism when the messaging is so obvious then thats a little obtuse

[w1lmutt]

You know the Totk experience is getting bad when you get commitment issues to do any quest and just walk around in a region for 30 min and then turn off the game

#I have two sages left to unlock what do y’all mean you’ve beat the game???????? #man it’s just. you know when you have so much freedom and so much to explore you don’t even know what you want to do #but at the same time I keep getting roasted by keso for my average lvl 30 weapons fhfhffhfhffhf #w1l says some stuff #totk

[windslar]

drafting a legacy challenge because i'm not already playing two of them right now ✌🏼

#text post #i've been working on it for the last month-ish? #here and there just adding bits and pieces to it #but last night i was working like i was getting paid a seven-figure salary to make it LMFAO #when i publish it it better not flop #i'm counting on you!!! #it's for my bbs who like structure but also freedom #for my bbs who like lists of things to do but also like “your sim is feeling this way about their love life” -- what do you do? #for my bbs who like to take online personality tests bc “OMG that's ME”

[faithfromanewperspective]

gotta say it now bc i've been spending so much time in the 5sos fandom where we're all super protective of our creators: I know supporting an author isn't the same. I know cassie doesn't put herself out there in the same way as zillennial musicians. and I know there are things people in the fandom disagree with her on and I'm not here to minimise that.

but everywhere I interact with the fandom and it's been like this for years now, jokes and things about how old we'll be when the series is finished and yeah it's funny to some extent but as someone who knows what pressure to create does to me, who knows how much it dries my creativity, she's on tumblr. she's seeing some of this. and we gotta tow this line and be careful: careful as to how we're treating her and also careful for the sake of fans ourselves--we don't want to be acting in ways that incidentally result in content being delayed and lower quality because she's been burnt out for ages and we're just giving so much pressure to read twp, read tbvotd and read whatever else she'll doubtless come up with after because she loves the shadowhunters world, she always ends up writing more for it even when she says she won't. and aren't we lucky for that? we love the tsc universe. and if we're old by the time it's all finished, that's the result of her loving this universe she created so much that she just kept writing for it. it's a blessing.

and maybe i sound like an aussie who grew up under a rock in the middle of the bush (which I am) saying this but. when my only queer representation was a singular jacqueline wilson book until i was 14 and read malec's story in tmi, when i've never seen another author portray such a diverse range of realistic neurodivergent characters, when i'm a half white poc with grandparents from borneo which is partially in indonesia and magnus is indonesian, I do find in myself some appreciation for her: the author who created a world of characters I see myself in and I do hope she's okay and I want her to recover from burnout, I know how much it sucks, and it still kinda baffles me how she'll share bits and pieces of her mental health experiences (and she's my parents' age!! and a lot more emotionally aware than most gen x's I know which I so appreciate) and we don't, largely, as a fandom, seem to care. like i get we're in a fandom for the characters and stories she created not her, herself, but like ???

I love seeing the artist behind the art they create. I love it when they're human and imperfect and yet we can still see the good in them that they put out to impact the world with, a legacy, and when we see their imperfections and we can acknowledge this all together, acknowledge and come together for the fans who have been hurt by these mistakes, oversights, harmful views, that are mixed in with the good. and I love it when we can still come together after this and be like, I support this creator, I want them to be okay, I want them to keep discovering love and I want to see it in their writing. and this I don't think should only apply to conventionally attractive twentysomething men who sing! maybe i'm biased in the observation that it is usually where I see the most artist support. or maybe it's actually a trend and as feminists, as people who see our dignity in more than being fuckable and more than being Perfect Leaders, we can do better.

and so i don't care when the wicked powers come out. i'll have finished my masters' degree before I finish that book series and hear the rest of kit and ty's story i started reading in high school. but that's okay. if that's what it takes to get a good story. i don't care when we get the final tec book, even though i've got two copies of the other two on my bookcase and don't know if the cover art will even be the same when the third one comes out. because we love pretty timely things but we're not owed them. and I have to say, this isn't completely true. I do care. I do want to know. I do want to experience that joy. but much more than that I want cassie to write at her own pace and I want her to enjoy it and I want her to keep discovering her own creativity and the proof is honestly in the pudding that every artist I've seen decide to do things at their own rate has ended up way more productive than before they decided that. and artists are people after all. it's what makes their art so good and forms the basis for the fandoms we're in. so I hope she knows it's okay to take her time.

#cassandra clare #tsc #tmi #tid #tda #twp #tec #the wicked powers #tlh #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #again. i really don't want to say 'she's perfect and can never hurt people' #but the point of this is that she still deserves to have freedom over her schedule and we can do our part by not being demanding to the #extent that we forget that she's human. that she's poured so much of herself into the characters and worlds she's made and she deserves to #keep looking after herself even when that means we don't get what we want as soon as we want it. we can be a loyal fandom

[brittie-frog]

UPDATED Run through of all the demon lore on Tina's 14 hour stream (and some funny moments and only half timstamped because im lazy and doing this for the second time):

- Tina flew for the first time confused, questioned if she was a god and pretended to be an angel to Etoiles

8:10:40 - started flying again and put on an echo-y voice and then a deep voice as she threatened Etoiles for diamonds but still confused why she could fly

- recklessly flying around and most times the echo voice was put on (demon voice??)

(8:35:00 Troubleshooting her demon voice and also states that apparently the flying wasn't planned and she has no clue whats happening)

8:39:40 - let the flying get to her head in that she'll be stronger and better than everyone else because she "forgot how good it feels" to be herself

(angel wings are faster than demon wings apparently)

- flew back to her house - insulting Cellbit's house and threatening him and being possessive of Bagi before realising how possessive she was being and decided not to be demon mode anymore

(Asked the updates admin not to tell others so she could keep the flying because she's a good guy)

(8:54-10:04 break of making a gift box for Empanada and just hanging around)

10:04:50 - she lost empanada and began to fly around and use the demon voice to find her and when Em questioned her flying Tina tried to move the situation on

10:18:35 - suddenly went into cinematic mode where it darkens on top and bottom with a bright spot in the middle in the shape of an eye then it kept flicking on and off and she promised not to do "it" again

- "No watchers necessary" the fuck does that mean

- a ring of fire started to form around her and Em and she begins to threaten the air and say she's has no intention of going home

- shouting that she shouldn't have spread her wings but she's not going home - is being threatened for flying and they've come to drag her back to hell as punishment

- got given a key called "you" and belives that the threat was also extended to the people she loves (Em and Bagi) so wants them to be fully protected

- mentions she has wings and is given a teared feather

- em is excited and wants to go flying but apparently its a "great sin" that comes with trauma and baggage

- "they don't like my type of flying, birds only I guess" hell linked to the federation?? Evil cuca??

- mouse can be told and Tina wants her there but BBH is a bottom of the barrel/last option because she gets annoyed by him (doesn't know if mouse fell or was born demon)

- it's a last ditch option to turn Em into a demon to survive but Tina doesn't know how to do that (if she fails to save Em "God so help [her]")

- giant fire appears on top of the hill and she comments how unforgiving and cruel they are because she's been the best (out of the demons??) And she's promised not to do it again but they're still taunting her

- chat and Tina get jump scared by an enderman

- doesn't want Em to tell Bagi but she will tell her she's a demon in either a month, year or century because she's surely awake or alive at somepoint

10:52:50 - Tina calls for a pause/cut so she can eat

10:56:56- got the shit scared out of her by the sudden appearance of a vat of acid in the lake (Em couldn't see but heard the burning)

(Em got Bad Omen for an hour and 30 and Tina fished up neptunium)

11:08:20 - a tree is lit on fire across the water and Em tells tina after it finishes but it starts again so she can see

- cinematic mode comes back and she begins to complain in demon voice to the "big guy downstairs" and doesn't know what the eye shape means questioning whether they're looking through her eyes

("Spending my Saturday night with my child" it's Thursday morning???)

- fire appears on the land across from the dock with a floating crown that then disappears before the fire

- quickly flies up a bit before settling and saying "interesting" - testing if there is immediate punishment??

11:17:42 - got the achievement "Who's da New King of Hell?" With an image of the crown from before and the step backwards and be lit on fire and tells the "dumb bitches" that she's not coming back

(Ben_Fox_ that was not the time but it was funny as fuck and you had an excuse)

- doesn't want Em to hang out with Mouse too much now - maybe doesn't know if mouse would also be contacted and how she would react?? Saving Em from more danger??

(Tina's scared that her lore could hurt Em and it can't happen because she only has one life)

11:41:15 - Em's favourite creature is a moloch and since she likes fire Tina wonders if she can live with her (in hell??? She'll have to eventually go back??)

11:50:11 - Tina mentions that Em "could be happy there" while she's staring at her Moloch pet/child - maybe if she took Em to hell she'd be safe than in the overworld

11:56:39 - tina tells Em to kill the bees' bloodline and praises her for her bloodlust and then uses her calm demonic voice to call her over to start fishing (the demon power is going to her head and its scaring her child...)

- Tina is now incredibly paranoid about everything

12:24:03 - Em disappeared and Tina immediately panicked and used her demon voice (but she just went to name her moloch Aelia) and then flew up a little - possibly to see if they would come back/she would be punished??

- started accidentally flying again while cutting trees but because nothing happened she continued to because it was easier

12:38:16 - Em tells Tina about her accidental trip to the Nether and Tina tells her not to go again because she doesn't want her to get hurt and she get get stronger if she hangs out with Uncle Bad a bit

(When Empanada goes off to put torches around Tina begins playing No More Birthdays by Sophie May and has canonically said this is how q!Tina feels about Em)

- was using her demon voice to compliment Em but then was messing around with the settings to make it high pitched

(Tina wants a lasso - take her daughter flying??? Please!!)

13:17:11 - realised that she had Speed for like 10 seconds and she doesn't know whether it's her "demon-like reflexes" or the pie but she didn't get it before so definitely demon shit

13:18:01 - accidentally flies again and then in demon voices says she's "changing" - return of her demon powers she can no longer suppress!!

(13:21:37 Met the English Bunny (his language was set to Portuguese, Xaninho/Agent 18??) That Em couldn't see and later named him Donny/Don-Don/Ronny)

13:27:55/13:30:47 - told Donny that the soul lanterns in her house weren't oil but lost souls she had collected but their not the ones of the people she's killed and used her demon voice scaring them

(Em nodding along to Tina talking about Ronny's appearance while not being able to see them and then proceed to fake sleep)

13:43:44 - Ronny finds the comments about fire and souls concerning so he questions the soul lanterns more and Tina explains they're not necessarily dead people but wandering souls kind of like catching fireflies

(Ronny tries to start shit between Tina and Bagi over the Giraffe and Tina threatens with her demon voice and is told to calm down)

14:10:48 - despite saying multiple times that she needs to only use her flying when needed she starts flying around Em again and then when Em gets her horse put Tina starts flying a few times to catch up/accidentally (really only stopping because Foolish was in chat)

#the thing is yeah she got to fly before phil and thats hilarious #but also he flies via elytra whereas tinas is creative mode double jump fly because she kept accidentally doing it when sprint jumping #when she was first flying someone in chat said “is this demon lore?/j” and oh boy no one knew what they were in for #key to unlock her true potential?? #i feel bad em has to lie to bagi tomorrow #she ended the stream with like 45 empanada signs thats not a collection that is limiting her freedom of speech #qsmp tina #qsmp demons #qsmp lore #qsmp #do these rabbits get fed i swear ronny ate like 20 pumpkin pies

[commsroom]

On the station they have many absurd protocols. What do you think is his least favorite. ? Like having to be in uniform or the hours? Just in general

oh, how could he ever choose? eiffel hates protocol as a matter of... well, protocol. uniform code was for sure one of the first things minkowski gave up trying to enforce; eiffel technically wears his uniform, but getting him to wear it properly was always a losing battle. he's never been a morning person, and having to get up early in the morning when there aren't even mornings is just insulting. there's all the repetitive daily tasks that will have to be done again tomorrow. never actually leaving work (and not being able to) really gets under his skin. there are so, so many things that he finds arbitrary, authoritarian, pointless, infuriating, and just plain wrong, but if there's one thing he hates the most, it's gotta be corporate-mandated fun. like, it's one thing to make his life a living hell, but it's a whole other thing to tell him he needs to boost morale about it.

#the mandatory talent shows (and minkowski's sincere enthusiasm for them) deeply offend his sensibilities #minkowski's thing about like. we're going to boost morale. we're going to bond as a crew. and we're going to have a great time doing it #the general lack of personal comfort and freedom is bad enough but the one thing you can never take from eiffel is his right to complain #master of malicious compliance. my hero. #anyway. #when he just wants to get his shift over with and kepler is making him play 20 questions. like. all of a little night music. etc. etc. #i think there's genuinely something to be said about eiffel's refusal to accept things as okay when it's literally. well it's in the dssppm #cutter's thing about 'positive attitudes' is certainly. a thing. #thank you for the ask!! #asks

[revenantghost]

To all the first-time readers of Trimax volume 10 who saw this/will see this and think, "I dun wanna ):<" Well... mood!

My first time through, I was so close to just dropping it after this point. But luckily I pushed through and used the forward momentum to keep reading because there are so many good moments to keep reading for. What will happen to Vash? What will happen to Knives? Will we get to know Livio/Razlo more? What about the rest of Team the Stampede, what happens to them? What are they even up to right now??? Not to mention, there are still a couple of other major characters to meet! Volume ten, for me, was by far the roughest to read out of any volume. It hurts so much to absorb, and as someone who loved Wolfwood deeply, just like any grief, it's hard to see the point in moving forward.

But I promise there is so much more to come, and it's worth it, or else I wouldn't have started @trigunbookclub

#Trigun #TrigunBookclub #Legitimately: if anyone needs future spoilers to take heart #And to keep going #(Or decide if you need to stop for your own needs) #Just send an ask #I know sometimes a spoiler or two is necessary for mental health reasons #So don't hesitate to hit me up #Also #I love having the freedom to just tag my own blog without having to worry if it's too much or I'm annoying the blog owner #IT'S JUST ME #I GET TO ANNOY ME AS MUCH AS I WANT #(FYI that I don't mind getting tagged in general; I do miss things sometimes but I love it when I see it)

[lizhly-writes]

hey guys do you wanna hear about my bad idea ahahaha i'm just joking i'm going to tell you whether you like it or not.

anyway! au where jiang fengmian brings back a starving orphan from the streets, and his name is yue qi.

(what happened to wei wuxian? don't worry about it it's fine) (idk maybe he doesn't exist? whatever)

yue qi is strong. yue qi is talented. yue qi tries harder than anyone. yue qi is perfect and you can't even really be irritated at him for it, because he's nice and polite and good-tempered and absolutely everything you could ask for in a da-shixiong.

jiang cheng feels so fucking bad about this. second best even in a whole new au, huh, a-cheng? but it's not your fault. even op protagonist bing-ge couldn't beat yue qi in a fair fight!

nobody knows this, though, so you're just going to have to suffer through the comparisons. it's your mom and your dad and all the little disciples thinking that yue qi is better than you. ooooh, that can't be good for that burgeoning inferiority complex your mom's instilled in you, huh?

but, you know. jiang cheng's going to be sect leader. he's going to need a strong sect. even if his mom fuckin bitches at him for not being as good as yue qi -- yue qingyuan -- then at least he's going to have a strong right hand, right?

HAHAHAHA.

so there are two routes we can go here. for the sake of my early morning ramblings, we're going to go for the more unrealistic one that requires me to jump through more hoops, because i think it's hilarious.

yue qingyuan starts getting more distant as he gets older. going on long nighthunts away from the lotus pier, you know. he stops leading the disciples in morning drills -- or, well, it's less that he stops, and more that he's not around to actually do that.

he's not around a lot.

snide, snide commentary about how yue qingyuan is going to run away to become a rogue cultivator, just like -- (but we don't talk about them). how yue qingyuan's not going to be da-shixiong for much longer. every time yue qingyuan returns to lotus pier, he seems to be more tired, more wound up, more stressed out --

and then everything stops. yue qingyuan comes back one day emotionally catatonic. he doesn't respond properly when people talk to him. unrelatedly (of course it's unrelated), there is some wailing and weeping in the night. some little shidi thinks that somehow a resentful ghost has made it into the pier and alerts da-shixiong about it in the morning.

thankfully, da-shixiong is back to normal in the morning. "i'll take a look," da-shixiong says, and then everybody forgets about it because da-shixiong is back and da-shixiong stops going on those long nighthunts away and everything is fiiiinnnne, don't worry. and if da-shixiong is a bit more brittle after that -- well, you're probably just imagining it.

jiang cheng worries about it. but yue qingyuan never says anything, because that's what yue qingyuan does. he never says annnnnnything to anyone.

of course, there's only so long you can argue with da-shixiong when the plot is coming up. gusu happens. the wens happen.

jiang cheng and yue qingyuan get sent to the wen evil summer camp, or whatever it's called. indoctrination, right?

lectures. drills. meaningless busy work for the sake of beating people down. obedience, and more obedience. there's a wen staring down every class, just waiting for them to slip up. there's one in particular that seems to have it out for yue qingyuan, sharp mouthed and pointy and HAHAHA OKAY, you've probably guessed who this is, haven't you? you're a genre-savvy audience, i bet!

ah, but i'll spell it out anyway, don't worry. for a-cheng, maybe, because jiang cheng can't guess, because yue qingyuan doesn't tell him anything. jiang cheng's out of the loop, on the outside, like he always is with yue qingyuan. don't worry, jiang cheng -- you're not special. he treats you like he treats everyone else.

but ah, that's the problem, isn't it?

jiang cheng stumbles over da-shixiong at night, past curfew, arguing with the wen. or, really, it's not arguing -- the wen is verbally eviscerating him, and yue qingyuan is just letting him. attacks on yue qingyuan's character and talent and everything, and about how yue qi's CLEARLY found a replacement (replacement? what does that mean?) and fine, you think you're so respectable now, of course only a high-bred sect heir is good for you (that jiang-gongzi, do you think he's a better version of me) (is this the version of me you've always wanted?) --

all yue qingyuan says is "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry--"

there's got to be one question on your mind, huh, a-cheng? yue qingyuan seems to know this wen. pretty well, it seems -- those insults aren't generic, this seems personal. why? how?

who the hell is wen qingqiu?

#liz rants #yue qingyuan #jiang cheng #that feeling when your beloved shixiong loves your sect enemy more than you #yue qi's already given his loyalty to someone else! #so i call this the more unrealistic route because i suuuuper think that yue qi should be able to find shen jiu under these conditions #like how is he not finding shen jiu if shen jiu's spent all this time staying one place #AND he's in a sect that lets him fuck off whenever he wants (jiang freedom woooo) #more realistically i think that he would have brought shen jiu back to lotus pier #and it is THERE that jiang cheng has the horrible realization that his best friend's best friend is not him #miserable in a different kind of way! #or well would jiang cheng even form this connection with yue qi to begin with? yue qi and wei wuxian aren't very similar i think #and even if he did would yue qi really think nothing of it? #there's a difference between being friendly with your fellow head disciples at cang qiong #and being forced in a weird pseudo-brother position at lotus pier #probably some different emotions there #but then where do you get this across the war lines drama #where do you get yue qingyuan cutting himself off from the jiang sect after the war to try and save his xiao jiu? #a-cheng let's prove all your fears right #all this time you truly weren't enough #clearly yue qi never really DID care about you #svsss #mdzs

[slutdge]

i really cannot express enough how much i fucking despise that so much of people's wellbeing in our current society is contingent on having a biological family that cares about you

#i know im a broken record but im once again having a breakdown about whats going to happen to my remains when i die #there is absolutely nothing i can do to guarentee my shitty parents wont get complete control over my remains when i die #there is absolutely nothing i can do to have my wishes about whats done with my remains carried out #i wanna just go out to some remote location and fucking kill myself and pray no one ever recovers my body #no freedom in life from them and no freedom in death from them either :) how comforting

[caluupin]

Father!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

#caluuart #genshin impact #genshin #art #arlecchino #god she's just so. cool. pretty. ethereal. badass. #also I LOVE HER STORY QUEST SO MUCH!! I think it's definitely one of the best story quests in the game tbh. #wait uh arlecchino story quest spoilers below: #for one; the quest really gives even more depth to arlecchino's character. like yeah the whole thing is well. messed up. #it's an orphanage that raises orphans to be child soldiers after all. But it's also like. It's more.... humane? nicer? for the fatui anyway #which does bring me to the next thing. you know how arlecchino's like “if you're gonna leave the HotH you need to fight for it with ur life #I genuinely think that she's gonna just. straight up kill them. although it's not unlikely at all it turns out that (most of the time?) she #-just gives them a one trip to memory loss and set them free. which i do know it's kinda like death in genshin's lore but still. #I just find that pretty interesting. #also the cutscene where clervie says goodbye n stuff. It makes me cry EVERY TIME. ARGHHHH TRAGIC CHILDHOOD DOOMED YURI MY BELOVED :((( #clervie makes me so sad man. the fact that she just. accepts death. she really just let peruere kill her huh. crucabena when I fucking get #the hopelessness getting to her at that point. all attempts of freedom failed until that day..... GOD. and clervie finally getting closure- #-in the story quest as a spirit... I just..... man......... #on a lighter note :) #I got obsessed with a bloodborne OST LMAO. the uhh the lugwig boss theme. esp the sec phase one. it's SO GOOD. I first heard abt it in a- #-vid analyzing the ost musically. At the time i was like. woah. cool. what a cool sounding track. fast foward to like. a day before 4.6 #I'm watching a genshin theory video and I heard the music in the bg. I recognized it but I couldn't remember where I heard it from #UNTIL I REMEMBERED. and looked it up. And I have not known peace since. good music. #anw I've been rambling too much so yeah. gn my dear fellows!!