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no-one-ever-questioned · 4 months

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having anxiety bcuse mom's giving me my phone back after school

ik i'm too far behind and am so close to getting an f/n on a couple subjcts but im just drained and struggling to care but also

ik i need to keep up, or at least do what i've been doing

the same thing over and over again, just keep it together

i can't cry when i need to and seem to want to cry at the worst times

i don't want to ask for help bcuse i've been gone for so long now why just show up only when i need help? idk i'm trying to get things back together

somethings wrong with cousin and mom wont tell me but i walked inside after walking max to hear her say "teenagers are assholes" like duh ik that and ik she was addressing her dad on the phone and kk but also something tells me its about cousin and whatever happened between them

idk what to make of life anymore and i keep telling myself it will get better but tbh i don't think improvement will be happening anytime soon and i wanna be so so strong for everyone else but it's starting to become noticeable ig sister keeps asking if i'm okay and gets mad when i say i'm fine or act "off" like what do you want me to act like??

keep going from normal talk to "professional" and like. i picked up a dictionary and it's helping me word and string sentances along and idk it's upsetting everyone else but idk how to make it stop either

siste(t) is upsetting me like she isn't bothering to like idk. i'm upset as is and she isn't helping ig. she's just idk it doesn't make sense and it might sound bad? she says she's hopeful she gets a phone before i get mine back but doesn't have an answer as to why. i've managed to be calm about everything but she just seems hellbent on pushing buttons like. she's not minding my personal space and i'm getting rather uncomfortable with the "suggestive" talk and shit just.

idk i don't want to deal with life anymore i'm so tired all the time and i either can't eat or eat too much cant sleep or sleep too much just mmmm

i dont want to burden anyone with my faults and flaws

and ofc sister apparently wants me to get with someone like. can she not stop? no. she cannot. she keeps talking about me having children in her dreams and ik its just dreams but i'm not parent material ik that much and i've never wanted to have kids but also babies are adorable?? like ik i dont want it. but im allowed to say that babies are adorable and i'd be fine with babysitting but never having one as my own like?? idk i dont make sense.

i cant tell if i'm spiralling downwards but this feels like a repeat of 13. functioning based off what ik emotion to feel and reacting how i see necessary/based on context clues and what i "should" feel while i'm either numb or upset. idk tbh just. want it to stop. my head doesnt feel right either. cloudy and like someone pulled the curtains over my windows and now i cant do anything

idk anyways rant of the day!

#tw warning #tw #tw vent #tw cursing #tw: mental health

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msm-tsotmw · 1 year

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4/15/20XX

Another day on Cold Island. Toorie’s still getting used to the below-zero temperature, but asides from that—and her broken leg—we’re doing okay. I’m trying to take a look at the weird “critters” that roam this island, but Toorie keeps on picking them up and saying things to them like “awww the spibbly poinky doo” or whatever.

Anyways, Mondo’s trying to convince us to come to his snow-house where they live with his sister. Pretty sure it’s just so they can go home early, which we are NOT doing until after we’ve reached Celestial Island.

ik we cant go home until the adventures over i just wanted to see my sister

…Fine.

So , Mondo , You Said You And Your Sister Live In A Pile Of Snow , Right ?

yea

…. Where Is It ? This Place Is Covered In Snow …

itll take some time but ill lead yall there

anyways pack ur shit cos were leavin and uh follow me

Okay ! And Please Watch Your Language . And Also Maybe Step Because I Heard It Rained Last Night

(The trio packs their shit and leaves.)

(After a few minutes of walking, the trio makes it to where the path they followed splits into 4.)

…So where do we go?

that way

where the really big tree is

Okay , Let’s Go Then !

(The trio passes the tree, and Mondo was right—it really IS big. Also really pretty.)

Wow , This Tree Is Really Pretty ! These Icicles Look Like Willow Tree Leaves , It’s So Beautiful !

yea :)

… Mondo , Why Are You Looking At Me Like That ?

uh nothin

lets just go

(The trio continues on their way to Mondo’s house. Toorie speeds on ahead, which is kind of surprising considering its broken leg, and Sprigg catches up to a very embarrassed Mondo.)

(…What the fuck was that, Mondo?)

(i)

(i dunno she just)

(looked really)

(ah fuck it)

(Looked really what?)

(uh)

(pretty)

(dont tell toorie but i kinda have a crush on it)

(Excuse me, what?)

(i said i have a cru-)

What Are You Two Talking About Back There ?

nothing just uhh

sports

…Mondo, I don’t even like sports. At all. Not after I was kicked around like a soccer ball.

uhhhhh celestials actually

did you know attmoz never brushed his hair in his entire life

Oh Wow , Is That True ?

…Mondo, you know DAMN FUCKING WELL that Attmoz actually cared a LOT for its hair. Vhamp even had to invent some kind of automatic hair-brushing machine for him.

he did

Yeah. Check your facts, smartass.

Oh , That’s Interesting ! I Never Knew The Celestials Would Care So Much About Their Looks .

I mean, why do you THINK Galvana looked so young despite being THOUSANDS of years old?

Uh , Immortality ?

(Sprigg faceleafs. Which is facepalming except there’s no hands and only some limb-like branch appendage on your head.)

No. Rejuvenating facial cream. Or maybe magic. Celestiologists are still debating that.

Ooh :0

Anyways , I’ll Just Keep Walking Now ! You Two Gonna Come And Catch Up ?

uh yeah

later maybe

(Toorie turns away, leaving Mondo and Sprigg back in their secret conversation.)

(sprigg i need help how do i tell her)

(Don’t ask me, I’ve never dated or loved a single Monster in my life. Besides, I’m aroace so I don’t plan on doing that kinda shit.)

(oh ok)

(You know, for a self-proclaimed “rizzler” or whatever the fuck that is, you’re pretty bad at flirting.)

(ik)

(i wanna tell her but idk how and im scared shell reject me)

(Listen, a Monster THAT nice would never reject you. Plus, you and her are already pretty close friends, so it probably likes you back.)

(thanks)

(Don’t mention it.)

You Two Coming ?

yea wait up toors

This is… probably going to take a long time so I’ll stop writing here now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

i’m giving 9-year-old (past) me the PomPom x Mammott content she wanted 😇

-Mod Jimmy 🗣️

#my singing monsters #msm #msm au #my singing monsters au #pompom #pompom msm #furcorn #furcorn msm #mammott #Mammott msm #‘’confident and chill’’ people who are actually massive fucking messes my beloved

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remcycl333 · 2 years

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this might be all over the place so im sorry in advance, but i really need help. i feel so lost and completely unmotivated to manifest my desires like i really just dont know what to do. ive been feeling depressed lately and i really just want to change my life to how i want it to be, but i have no direction. literally on tumblr theres blogs arguing/talking about how a certain to manifest is wrong so it feels like im running in a big circle over and over again. i also dont know how to stay persistant ill admit. i dont know if its because im being impatient or if i just dont have enough self discipline. but i am just so tired of living the life im living now im starting to lose hope. i thought manifesting would be my chance to finally be happy with myself, but i still havent managed to manifest any "big" desire such as physical appearance or even just manifesting to see a random car. ive known about manifesting since 2020 so i know its taking longer than it should, i also know its my own fault that im still stuck here but idk what to do anymore. the only thing i have manifested is seeing angel numbers everywhere but that wasnt even intentional so i dont even know how i did it. im so scared that ill have to live my life like this forever while everyone else on here is living their dream lives. i just want to be happy like i really dont understand why i cant just grasp this simple concept like everyone else

baby, work on your self concept. you'll feel so much better and confident, and manifesting will be easier for you. choose the way you want to manifest, and do it. and stick to it. if you like to affirm, then affirm. if you like visualizing, visualize. don't listen to any blog who tells you affirming doesn't work. that is bullshit, as most of the bloggers you see on tumblr manifested their dream lives by affirming. any way you want to manifest will work if you assume it will. but at the end of the day, you have to choose. you have to decide that you're sick of your current circumstances--sick enough that you will actually be willing to do whatever it takes to manifest. ik that in a strange, twisted way thinking negative thoughts can be comforting and help you feel like you have more control over things, but that is not true. nothing bad will happen if you simply decide to give manifesting your all. nothing bad will happen if you stop thinking about how much you hate your life and how hard manifesting is and how difficult it is. only good can come from that. put yourself on a mental diet and stay consistent.

nothing will change if you keep thinking about how awful your life is. absolutely nothing will change. you have to let those thoughts go. i know it can be hard, but if you really want to see change, you have to let it go and trust that as long as you persist, you are guaranteed your new life. you persist by continuing to stay faithful to your new story even if you see absolutely no evidence of it in the 3D. even if you see the opposite. you persist by not taking no for answer, and never ever saying "it didn't work." it always works, even in you haven't seen the evidence of it yet. every single thing you want already exists in your 4D: you just have to stay faithful to the 4D and persist in it until it manifests into your 3D. everything you want is possible, but you have to let the old story go. it is dead and gone. and it is perfectly safe for you to let it go and to persist in your new story instead.

but at the end of the day, you have to decide. you have to be your own motivation. you are responsible for whether or not you manifest your desires, no one else. all of us have seen people shit on the way we like to manifest, or have seen 500 different new contradicting techniques, but we all sifted through all the information and found what worked for us and ignored the negativity we sometimes see on tumblr. you already know everything you need to know. if you need to take a break from tumblr (and all manifesting content) until you manifest your dream life, do it. but you have to put your foot down and decide for yourself. everything i just wrote will be all for nothing unless you decide to listen and choose a better life for yourself.

you got this. you are god. stop saying you can't manifest and step into your power. give it you all. you won't regret it.

#asks

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pub-lius · 2 years

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my thoughts watching the john adams series as i eat an uncomfortable amount of granola: dont tread on me 🥶🥶🥶

“you are here now 🥰 and you are safe 🥹” “uh… *leaves*”

1777 is my favorite year of the revolution tho, it was so slay ngl (totally not saying this just for von steuban)

i think john and abigail adams is good example of 18th century gender roles, where the man’s job was politics in government and the woman’s was politics in the community like social standing and all that. however it must be acknowledged that there was tension between them over these roles bc of how often john was away, which was kind of abnormal, likely bc john played so many diplomatic roles, much more than other men

“if i were a man, id be in the field of battle” idk why this made me sob. abigail knows so much about the war and what the soldiers go through, but she can only act vicariously through her husband, when this implies she really wants to do more ☹️☹️☹️☹️

IM ADDING LIKE 15 CHARLES ABUSE POINTS FOR THE SCENE WHERE JOHN AND JOHN QUINCY LEAVE BC FUCKING OWWWW charles abuse 1-15

john adams: VOMITING - john quincy: tu es 🥳 il est 🫣 elle est 🤨 je suis 🥶

omg the naval fight scene FUCKED ME UP the first time i watched it. i was like “omg his leg- OMG HIS L E G-“ and my dad was like “yeah thats what happened when you get SHOT DIRECTLY IN THE LEG WITH A CANNON”

ik this guy is having his leg chopped off and all but im just like “omg a good representation of 18th century medicine 🥰”

so uh… anyone want a granola bar?

OMG PARIS PARIS PARIS DHWJWHWJ they did it so well every time i see a scene in paris i piss my pants /pos (tmi but its that good)

bro who even liked ben franklin??? everyone who worked closely with him seemed to hate him or just tolerate him. like he’s funny, but damn bro. then again, the people i have in mind aren’t known for getting along with others, so maybe its that

i hate rich people but 1770s french aristocratic fashion… 🥵 (IM KIDDING IM SORRY DJSBWJWBWN)

“how is your french?” “uh… oh pas très bon…” “ah, that is easily remedied. you must either attend the theater or take a mistress” “DOCTOR FRANKLIN-“ me asf

im so shit at french, i cant even make fun of john

the whole quote john says about “i must study politics and war so my sons can study philosophy and shit so their sons can study music and whatever” is actually pretty dope. good one johnny

“he’s worked it all out” LMFAO I LOVE THAT GUY

OMG ITS LITTLE BABY LOUIS MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW omg you cant tell me he’s not ace, he’s literally wearing purple

he’s fr me tho like. “hello dr franklin!!! you have sex!!!! weird!!!! hello other guy!!!! …😐😑😐 you don’t speak french??? 🤨 not a word??? 😕… HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA bye *flutters away*”

is that vergennes? if its vergennes i’ll shit myself rn to fully understand what its like to be an absolute BABY

BEAT HIS ASS FRANKLIN BEAT HIS ASS

oh it was vergennes. i guess im going to have to shit myself. (i fucking hate vergennes so much he’s so annoying)

string quartet 🥺

D’ESTAING????? OMG LITTLE SCRUNGLY JEJEHWWBJ such a flirt too like bro keep it in your pants

who is this other guy?? who is he. he looks like my uncle. wait is that. who is the doctor. he’s a doctor. the bloodletting guy, he’s related to the schuylers. the surgeon general who is he. HELP ME WHO IS HE????

john quincy is smarter than his dad at like 12, i’ll give him that, but what is that haircut 🤨🤨🤨

OH NO OH NO ADAMS DONT GO IN THERE NO ADAMS FRANKLINS NAKEY DONT GO IN THERE NO DONT DO IT PLS STOP PLS NO JOHN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hes dead

“i have been left kicking and writhing in the myre” you’re what 🤨

he’s right about franklin tho, he’s a shit legislator

child abuse 1: verbal abuse @ nabby who never did anything wrong.

fr tho john is being highkey negligent of his family at home like. bro you don’t have to write to your wife about politics???? just tell her you’re okay tf, she’s worried. this pisses me off as someone with a dad who couldn’t see me all the time for his work and still went out of his way to be there. so yeah, fuck you, john. fuck. you

oh god the netherlands negotiations 😒 its so painful to watch

also the dutch architecture slaps just as much as the french

“*CHOKING AND DYING*” “are you will” “*STILL CHOKING* im fine” 🤨

YAAAS SLANDER HIM FRANKLIN SLANDER HIM!!! 🤩😌😊😊🤪🥰😒🥰😜🥸😊😊🤩🙂🤪😜😒🤨

“..do you mean… have i failed here as well?” yeah, actually.

child abuse 2: sending j.q to russia when he doesn’t want to and also with that bitchass haircut

was that a duty and inclination reference 😨

#john adams #john adams series #historical drama #EW BLOODLETTING IM GONNA FUCKING VOMIT I CANNOT WITH THIS SHIT JDHDKS

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pandasized-crevice · 2 years

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MY FRESH JUST WACTHED KINNPORSCHE EP 9 THOUGHTS

I’m shaking,sweating in my boots let’s go

hmmm hmmm hmm giving a sob story huh

SIT THE FUCK DOWN SIR LIAR

i love kinn raising his eyebrows he's so FINE

NO FUCKING WAY THE WATER WAS POISONED?!?!

KING!!!!!!OHMYGOD HE LOOKS STUNNING PER USUAL

YES LETS KILL HIM

AYO WHO ARE YOU BIG TO GIVE YOUR TWO CENTS

oh wait big suspected tawan as a traitor perhaps ill let him slide

don't speak to porsche whore,keep my kings name outta your mouth too

NOOOO I WANTED DEATH TO TAWAN

big giving tawan the death stare as he should

why hello kim (jeff is so beautiful fr)

STOP HE'S THINKING OF CHAY AND HIS SONG IM FADING

POL AND ARM AND PETE MY LOVES

got that bitch under surveillance

ARM DOES KNOW....pete babe come on put the pieces together

i forgot to turn off the water arm please

HOES FOR ABANDONING PETE

H EY bet this when kinn gives pete the mission to spy/infiltrate

I KNEW IT

pete said i am not the one mr kinn

its so cute the arm and pol were just watching and ran back to pete after kinn left i love them

no sleeves for tawan ig

NOT THIS MUSIC CHANGE HEY

when all three are in the same room i break out in hives

PAUSE; kinn looks adorable in the picture

the way porsche is trying to see too

WE REALLY GOING DOWN MEMORY LANE RN?!?!

sTOP the pictures are cute damnit

porsche doing the jumps in the bg someone stop this

kinn please stop this sir YOUR OTHER MAN IS IN THE SAME ROOM HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU

porsche losing his mind i the bg i know it CUZ I WOULD BE

why does tawan speak in third person?

oh its the grabbing kinns arm for me,if i was porsche id walk right in between them like EXCUSE ME

DUDE THIS IS ASS FOR PORSCHE I HATE YALL

finally porsche speaks up my king you don't need this

kinn ik you're not doing this on purpose but im still going to beat your ass

the look porsche is giving kinn

what meeting?!?! kinn ik your mentally FOOLISH THAT IS WHY IM GOING TO OPEN UP A HOSPITAL-

tankhun i love you sir

not another gift basket porsche...actually yes yok deserves them

her jacket is fabulous omg

YOK IS ALL KNOWING

porsche sweetie that is not the way

ooooh i wonder what yok's way is

SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS THIS SLIDING IN SCENE

FUCK IT UP PORSCHE YES KING

porsche & his white undies man

wait are we acting pathetic to get a mans attention?????

dear lord kinn looks so fine SIR OUT THAT CHEST AWAY ITS LETHAL

WE ARE ACTING PATHETIC FOR ATTENTION!!!!!

A Y O CLEAN MY BODY kinn babes if you don't see this as the ruse it is....

damn porsche way to be subtle

YOK I LOVE YOU QUEEN

P A U SE I CANT GO ON IF PORSCHE STARTS MAKING NOISES I JUST CANT

STOP the face kinn is making when he leans in

DAMN PORSCHE SLAMMING THAT MAN ON THE COUCH

J E S U S CHRIST

BITCH YOU CAN SEE THE BOTTOM HALF OF KINN PLEASE

PETE THAT WAS DISGUSTING

SARANGHAEYO pete i swear to god

kinn you whore you liked that close call?!?!

why tf is kinn moving his feet

PETES RIGHT THERE!!they are so foul horny bastards fr

ew tawan OH?what just happened?

vegaspete enthusiasts are screaming rn

pete....ONE JOB

macau shut the fuck up about tankhun

BIBLE IS SO STUNNING

porsche tf you doing?oh cameras right

YOU ARE SO COOL your hand in marriage arm thanks

OH SO PORSCHE IS DOING TO SEE/HEAR WHATEVER KINN WAS DOING IN THERE WITH TAWAN OH

man damn it either have the evidence tawans way or nothing

CHAY BELOVED!! go out with your friends chay :(

AH THE UNDERWATER SCENE

THE FUCK IS VEGAS DOING HERE GIRL WHAT

porsche dont drink that shit please be wary

ID SAY LEAVE FOOL

dear lord vegas

IM GONNA PISS MY PANTS KINN WAS THERE THE WHOLE?TIME

could you imagine if tawan whips out a gun rn......

NOO id throw myself into a river that is so embarassing

oh hell no porsche is not the mole don't twist this around you snake

NO FUCKING WAY DAMNIT DAMNIT NO

kims making those annoyed sighs and im going to beat his ass

HE MADE HIM A GUIATR PICK IM SOBBING

AHHHHHHH A CONFESSION?!?!? CHAY IS BRAVER THAN THE FUCKING MARINES HOLY SHIT CHEEK KISS?!?!

tawan i swear to god he's such a bastard

tankhun the only one with brains in this godforsaken family

PISSING SHITTING MY PANTS ITS VEGAS

ep10 preview: PETE GOES UNDERCOVER FOR PORSCHE?!?!BITCH

#cellulars fjwkpt #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #kinnporsche ep9 #thai series #thai bl series #god so scared for ep10....#I’m shaking FREE PORSCHE DAMNIT #tawan were it not for the laws of this land....#all my homies HATE LOATHE tawan

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funkylittledemon · 2 months

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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

#life updates with fish #vent post #ig #honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed #im doing better than i was though #but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable #long post #fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be #oops oh well

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lesbianyosano · 6 months

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manifesting Fukufuku dying in each others arms -> I am losing it slowly anyway thoughts on the newest chapter?

this has been sitting in my askbox since september and im really sorry anwsering took so long, but ive been trying to articulate how the last few chapters/last episode made me feel and im still not sure, because there have been so many bizzare choices made by both asagiri and the ppl behind the anime i still cant wrap my head around it fully (this got stupid long sorry)

starting with fukuzawa, i made a post a while back talking abt how i was assuming he was going to die/why it'd make a lot of sense, and there were really two main reasons for that; 1. he hasnt had anything interesting to offer for the story for a while and 2. his ability actively stops other important characters (mainly atsushi and kyouka) from further developement. the first thing is now gone which im pretty happy with! i love fukuzawa a lot so it's nice to see him finally have a purpose in the main story and im excited to see where it will go (also fukufuku you will always be famous to me <3333333), but the issue of his ability is still very much here. ive seen ppl theorize that all men are equal is just him lying and there is no ability but i honest to god would hate that, bc it would seem like such a shallow twist. atsushi's conflict with the tiger is central to his character so if it suddenly got revealed that a huge reason why he's even capable of using his power is just placebo "believe in yourself" bullshit i think i'd tear my own hair out. so im still thinking fukuzawa may get killed at some point, esp with the position he's been put into now and how much he seems to not want it.

and as for the "chuuya was never a vampire" fiasco, i honestly have no words, it was so unbelievably bad. ik there's been a ton of posts about how "its actually good" bc fyodor's death was caused by his inability to trust, and dazai's belief in his allies is what put him at an advantage, which is nice yeah, but it doesnt change how fucking stupid of a plan that was. if their goal is to kill fyodor, why not do it in that flooded room? fyodor escapes solely bc chuuya gets him out but if he was concious the entire time why not just leave him there? why continue to pretend? im usually not a huge fan of getting angry over plot holes when the narrative and themes are whats more important, but this is just so blantantly stupid. it feels like asagiri just wanted a plot twist for a plot twist's sake. mersault in general is so poorly constructed as an arc (dazai communicating via his heartbeat,,,, give me a break) but at least you'd hope it would end in a way that makes you excuse all of that, and then it doesn't. i think this post sums up how i feel about this than i ever could

and the fact that its december and we are STILL behind the fucking anime asagiri be so for real. it's easy to see now that the constant half chapters and short releases were a deliberate choice to have the anime catch up which i dont love, but fine, whatever. but now??? what the point of half releases? these chapters have been ready for a long time, and there's no way asagiri and the editors and whoever else is involved arent aware of how frustrated the readers have been for years now. the only explanation i can think of is that maybe the manga will have a different arc conclusion and ctheyre trying to idk, make it seem like we're following the anime closely? idk this shit is so stupid

overall this past arc or two have been bad, there are some elements that make them enjoyable still, but there is no theme consistency and overreliance on cliff hangers (that ppl still somehow buy). it feels like there are no stakes to the story, and that's really bad. maybe it's why i was hoping for fukuzawa to be killed alongside fukuchi idk, it'd finally feel like something is changing

on a brief positive note i quite enjoyed fyodors death, weird catholic freak, ofc nikolai is cradling your arm like this. i was a little suprised to see fyodor killed just yet (bc he always needed to die for the story to be able to wrap up eventually), but given the jesus quote, he may as well come back in some way tbh

#and then there the bsd anime sucks issue #s5 in particular but i think its in huge part bc it seems to have been rushed #like dazai leaving mersault with no blood on his clothes/suddenly walking with no issue #and again. so sorry for not anwsering for months im really bad at running a blog #ask

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nikokopuffs · 1 year

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yk what ill never understand how some people get so comfortable in a friendship that they stop giving back?? its so frustrating being on the side where u give the other person attention and always do everything you can to help them in any way and let them know hat you love them and care for them and believe in them and all that. and dont get me wrong, it makes me happy to help the people i love but its so fuckign draining when i never get anything back. even in response to these things they would just say “ily” like i cant believe you dont have the energy to at least spell the phrase out to seem more genuine at least??

and when you talk ab someghing thats bothering you or something that happened all they can manage to say it “im sorry that happened” “im sorry you went through that” “idk what to saybut i really am sorry” you can take ur sorries and shove them right up ur ass cuz i dont give a fuck. im not asking for constant attention, im not asking you to be my therapist i dont fucking need anyone to do that, all im asking is for people to learn that relationships r not take and take and take its not meant to be one sided in any way and im so fucking tired of people acting like that.

im grateful for the fact that i have people in my life that care and i have never taken that for granted, but its just so frustrating when u spend time and energy to help someone and when you do whatever you can because you just want the people you love to be happy and inthe end when you go to them for something they dont do anything like...at least try please ik words `arent everyones things but just..idk i hate ranting on here but this shit has been bothering me for so long because what do you even do in a situation like this its so infuriating and draining and i cant stand it atr aalallkjwwhas

#people r so #lame sometimes #i'll probably delete this later #maybe idk #anyways #rant

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i-dont-know-nor-care-go-away · 2 years

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me: *is out of school and trying to recover from depression and ed n shit*

my (lo key bad n toxic) friends:

(friend *threatens suicide and tells me to kms too* )

🤝🤝🤝triggering me and relying on me for support I can't really give🤝🤝🤝🤝

(other friend *asks for help starving themself*)

yes I know that I should be supportive but I'm so fucking tired and more mentally ill than them. I understand it's not a competition but I'm venting shut up. like, bro no. 1 is threating suicide and then when I say "hey what about my mental health is that a reason to live?" basically says I should kms. he knows I'm also mentally ill, he meant it. ik it's because he thinks death is good for him and it would be good for me or whatever but shit still hurt. then my other friend makes it worse and then I have to tell her shut up then I have to tell her to not get an eating disorder and she's like ur a role model. BITCH IM IN THE SAME GRADE??? HOW DO YOU LOOK AT MY ED?? THEN SAY ITS A GOOD THNG?? TO MY FACE???? LIKE I HAVE ONE, YOU KNOW IT, YOU ASK ME FOR ADVICE TO STAVR URSELF AND THEN ACT LIKE ITS A GOOD THING???? AND THEN BLAME IT ON THE FACT ANOTHER DUDE IS TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF??? I UNDERSTAND UR FRUCKED UP BUT IM DEALING WITH THAT THIS COULDNT HAVE WAITED 1 FUCKNG DAY??? I KNOW YOU NEED COMFORT BUT PLEASE IM SO FUCKING TIRED I LIVE IN A ABUSIVE HOME (YOU DONT! STOP ACTING LIKE SHITTY PARENTS ARE AS BAD AS ABUSIVE ITS NOT THE SAME THNG) AND AM TRYNG TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE ALIVE JUST WAIT A DAY PLEASE. IM SO TIRED OF HURTING SO BAD AND HAVING TO COMFORT PEOPLE THAT ARE BETTER AND DONT ACCEPT HELP AND JUST MAKE ME COMFORT THEM. I UNDERSTND THEY HAVE NO ONE ELSE BUT LET ME BE MAD 4 A MOMENT IDGAF ABOUT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS RN. I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE COMFORTED EVEN IF IT DOESNT HELP BUT IM DEALING WITH MY ABUSIVE MOM AND DADS SHIT, MY OWN VERY BAD SHIT, AND OTHER PEOPLES SHIT AND YOU GUYS CANT HAVE SOME FUCKNG DECENT TO ME?? I CANT HELP YOU IF YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ALL THE WORK IM TOO FUCKING TIRED FOR THAT EVEN IF IM WILLNG. THIS IS WHY I DONT WANT FRIENDS. I DONT RELY ON PEOPLE SO WHY DO THEY RELY ON ME?? GOD ITS SUMMER I JUST WANT TO RELAX BUT MY MOM SUCKS AND IM DYING ON THE INSIDE AND I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF 2 OTHER MENTALLY ILL BITVHES??? AND I CALLED THE SUICIALD BITCH'S SISTER AND TRIED TO DM HER AND SHE DOESNT PICK UP OR GIVE A SHIT!! GIRL UR BROTHER IS SUICIDAL PICK UP THE GODDAMED CALL. HE HAS A FUCKNG ROPE AND PLAN. GOD UR SO STUID. EVERYONE COMES TO ME AND VENTS BC IM "WORSE THAN THEM" AND UNDERSTAND. LIKEN IF IM WORSE THEN YOU WHY DO YOU COME TO ME??? IT FUCKING SUCK IM NOT A GODDAMED THERPIST. I CANT DEAL WITH CRYNG AT THIS POINT. I CANT CRY OR BE AROUND CRYING PEOPLE BECAUSE ITS TRIGGERUNG AND I HAVE TRUAMA ABOUT IT. IM TOO TIRED TO BE NICE OR KIND AT THIS POINT, ITS JUST TOO FUCKNG MUCH. I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE I HATE THIS. HEGAGWHAGDGSGAGAGAGAGS WHY CANT PEOPLE NOT RELY ON MY FOR EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM THEY HAVE?? YES I KNOW WHAT UR GOING THRU BC IT WAS WORSE FOR ME. ITS TRIGGERINF AND I CANT HELP U BC IM TRYING TO HELP MYSELF

#vent #tw ed mention #tw sui implied #tw attempted suicide #tw sui attempt #tw suicide

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liquidstar · 5 years

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i wanna follow more ducktales blogs bc i love the show SO much but so many ppl ship webby with the triplets and i 🤢

#incest mention #shes written to be like an adopted sister to them! they call her family like... MULTIPLE times #even the crew has said theyve written it as a family dynamic #its gross and i do not like it please just . keep it away from me #whatever do what you want i dont give a shit like ik i cant stop you but I Dont Wanna See It #i know a lot of the fanbase is fairly young though so i know they dont know better but #whats that one buzzfeed unsolved quote?#''any time you have to say its technically not incest thats not good''#something like that. it applies here #not to mention its also bad bc ur saying u dont view adopted family as real family. no... theyre real family.#its about more than just blood but the relationship and dynamics between them and i just Do Not Like webby shipped w any of them i dont!!!!!#shes their sister #denying that fact is a huge disservice to her character tbh! i mean #all she wanted was family. the main theme of the entire series was family. shes their family #as well as their charmingly violent best friend #its even WORSE when they ship all 3 of them with her and they just pass her around and its so WEIRD and just #uncomfortable. i do not like it not one bit #i know some ''anti anti uwu'' asshole is abt to barge in on this post so i wanna say 1. im not an ''anti'' im just a normal person #who is allowed to be grossed out by this stuff and have options on it #and 2. youre a hypocrite if youre gonna yell at someone for saying they dont like something you like because ''everyones entitled to their-#opinion'' yeah well mine is that its gross live w it idc #sorry i ranted a bit i am just SO sick of seeing it u_u

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wickedpact · 3 years

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You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

#nicoloalkaysani #it took me So Long to type this up #asdfghjk

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annakarenina · 2 years

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are you currently working or in college? sorry for asking you this and you don't need to answer if you don't want to, ofc. but like, i'm 20 and i have no clue of what i should do, i'm so lost. not sure if i should do something i love (even if it's harder and it'll cost more money) or anything else just so i don't stay here, in this small town, doing nothing. i feel like at this point i should be doing something but i just don't know what, and right now i'm just existing instead of living, it feels like everyone else is living their best lifes and i'm here, slowly dying inside.

nah don't be sorry anon it's ok!! i'm currently working AKA i've graduated college and worked for like 2 years and now i'm taking a break because i didn't like my job

not sure if im the best person to give out advice but: i think u should do what u love bc if u dont then ull keep wondering abt it. if ure free to be free then do whatever u want (responsibly) and do what makes u happy!! someone once said if ure happy doing what ure doing then no one can tell u ure unsuccessful <3

miss rodrigo once said: "their win is not [your] loss" social media is an evil lie ppl only let u see what they want u to see. trust me i know things 👍🏼 just never ever compare urself to others. ik it's cliche but it's true 😁

i think u should also remember that u have all the time in the world!! in the words of billy joel: "slow down you're doing fine / u cant be everything u want to be before ur time / u got ur passion, u got ur pride / but dont you know that only fools are satisfied?"

and idk what living personally means to u (the grind dont stop? writing a full length novel within a week? flying out to bali every weekend? starting a family?) but u are already living your best life even if ure just doing the smallest of things: reading books for fun, listening to birds chirping, knowing the words to your favorite songs, going out for 15 minute walks, baking cookies and then forgetting about it so now they're burnt, watching the sunset, loving ur friends etc like it doesn't have to be all shiny things or social media worthy or outside validation←especially not this

also read this person's reply to my post i love it so much!! the tom holland part tho did u know he's tired of acting. he now wants to be a landlord or a carpenter or some shit jgkfdhsghj now uve learned a tom holland fact against ur will x

#answered #THIS IS SO LONG OH GOD IM SORRY #i dont even talk this much irl GJHREWUGDHJDHSHJG #anon: should i do this or that? me: when i was born #ask

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probablydinosaurs · 3 years

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Ok super unpopular opinion/question: whats so inherently wrong with "wooifing" more problematic male favs? I see people doing it for girl characters like azula all the time and no one butts in to remind u of all her sins and yet i want to draw goro akechi in pastels and someone has to go "HE KILLED PEOPLE!!!!! STOP BABYING HIM!!!" like. You look at catra or the diamonds from steven universe and go "aaw what a cute kitty girl and such pretty milfs~" like they weren't just as flawed and fucked????? Why cant we just woo and baby all are problematic favs. As long as they arent rl assholes/serial killers, i dont see it. Ya u can say "oh your ignoring there toxic masculinity and just simplifying there character into hot and male" im noy ignoring anything. You can "wooify" a fav and still be heavily critical. Just sometimes u don't WANT to defend every little thing u enjoy. Sometimes u don't want to actively say u don't support a characters actions. I just want to go " i want to draw simon from infinity train in more crop tops and give him a boyfriend" without Needing to defend myself. I still realistically hate his guts. I still can think critically on his character. Me wanting make believe good things for a shit character is rooted in my fascination with them as a character and shouldn't be looked down apon just because a few outliers go too far and cant do both. Ik people who fully wooify and will fight to defend their sweet baby boys. Dude please draco was in a family of fascists and never openly said he stopped believing bullshit. Accept that AND still enjoy your drarry fics. U need both. U need to be aware that they are assholes first. U need to be critical first. Then you can do whatever u want within legal reason. As long as ur aware. Im mainly just tired of people acting like the act alone is a red flag and shitting people for it.its happened to me with my notable bad taste all the time.

#that took a hour to write and its 3am #also fuck hp. that was just the first example my sleepy ass could think off but if u still like hp in 2021 please fuvk off

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heliophilial · 3 years

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𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒔 . (a tbz 3rd year anniversary special)

genre :angst ,fluff (more of brotherhood)

group and member involved :the boyz ,all members are involved !

between :the whole group and thebs hello cuties <3

warnings :u may or may not cry but i cried typing this so gluck ig HWUJDF

word count :844 (i didn’t count my notes to thebs and the boys in)

brief description :when all seems dull ,when times are grey ,it is only when we are together that the world gains its colour .theres no one else like you ,no one else like us ,theres really nothing like us .

playlist :literally just nothing like us by justin bieber like a 1 hr loop or smth ,depends on how long u take to read this

before you continue to read also please note that ‘we’ refers to thebs here !!

quiet .peaceful .light snores of the members filled the dorm .the room filled with nothing but darkness .black shade hovering over the members faces .they had just wrapped up a little celebration in the living room with cakes and party poppers to celebrate their 3rd year together not long ago .shortly after wrapping up the party ,they had fallen asleep on the couch ,all lying on one another comfortably .

sangyeon slowly blinked his eyes open .he rubbed his eyes and slowly unwrapped eric's hands from his waist and placed chanhee's legs that were on his lap onto the space of the sofa that he had previously occupied .careful to not wake the members up .

he looked at the members' sleeping forms and smiled ,glad that they were finally able to catch some rest after their packed schedules .he walked to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water and at the corner of his eyes ,he spotted a glimmering light .he placed his glass down and approached the light that was so very alluring for some reason .

there on the shelf of where all their awards have been placed on ,laid a book with its contents blinding his eyes with its bright light .he inspected the book for a while before proceeding to open it with caution .

inside the book ,there were sketches of the key moments the members have shared together such as their debut stage ,their first ever music show award as well as their first ever full length album promos .as he flipped to the first page that displayed their first moment together ,there were harsh winds blowing past him and a force from the book pulled him towards the page and right into it .

he looked at the 12 boys on stage ,introducing themselves for the first time to the whole wide world .and he looked at them with pride and honour in his eyes ,the boys' who had no idea what being idols would be like for themselves ,clueless of what the future had in store for them .he looked at them from the bottom of the stage and sucked in a breath ,"wow we've really grown a lot ."he thought .

after they had introduced themselves as a group and individually ,the sight in front of him suddenly pauses and his attention gets diverted to the door to his right .

he walked into the room .

he gets transported to the very first time they cried together ,over the pain ,over the stress ,over the tiredness of it all .

he looked at the 12 boys shedding tears of pain .he swallowed the lump in his throat ,the feelings of helplessness ,confusion ,fear coming washing over him once again as he sees the very moment they broke down .

tears flows down his face ,and that my friends are tears of the caretaker ,the leader ,the person whom the members depend on ,lee sangyeon .

as heavy as the weight he carried ,the tears poured like a fierce and powerful waterfall .

and then the door right next to him yet again invites him to step into yet another memory .

he steps onto the stage of road to kingdom ,and as he looks ahead the ending poses of all their road to kingdom stages are there right in front of him .all the members still and not moving ,just statures .

he walks down the long stretch ,as he looks at the legacy they left behind ,the power and strength ,the confidence from these stages that the members have gained progressively with each stage .

as he finally reaches the other end of the stage ,the screen opens up to when they had their 'the stealer'promotions .where they had their wins .

his smile grew wider and wider as he walked through all the performances they have done for the stealer and all the trophies they have gotten from the era .

and finally he reached another door .a door with a question mark on it .

he opens the door ,to pitch black .

darkness ,just darkness .and the fear in sangyeon grew ,"what does this darkness mean ?what is it gonna be for us ?"

suddenly , the door creaks open to reveal the members one by one .

sangyeon looks up at them and suddenly the fear stops ,hes no longer afraid as he looks into their eyes .

they ran to him and extended their hands out to him .

he proceeds to embrace all the members into a big tight group hug .drops of colour starts to paint the room ,slowly forming a picture showing the many stages they have performed ,every milestone theyve achieved ,the concerts ,every moment with their fans ,every moment together ,every vlives .everything starts out when theyre together .

we opened the door carefully ,proceeding to join our hands together and form a circle surrounding the boys .as we cried tears of joy and pride ,we hugged each other as well and this is when we knew

"theres nothing like us ,theres nothing like you and me ,together through the storm ."

for thebs

thank you for being one of the most caring ,loving ,welcoming and inclusive fandoms ever .to all the thebs all around thw world ,thank you for supporting them and giving them love as well .i love yall <3 lets protect them at all costs ♡

for my beloved boys

hello my loves ❤ik its 12 am in korea already but i still just wanna type this for you !so there's really a lot of things i want to say to you ,im sure many of us have already said whatever im about to say but i will still say it to remind you or to let you know that ,yes ,you do make me feel that way ,you do make me feel those kinds of feelings .

i dont know how ,like no nothing at all can show how grateful i am towards you .i cant tell you how many times there were this year when i just got beaten up (mentally)to the point that i couldnt even have the energy to stand back up and continue life normally .but whenever these times come ,ik i just know even though youre not here physically ,i know you want me to stop crying ,i know you would want me to stop hurting myself and i know you would stay with me even when my walls come crashing down onto me .you made me feel the greatest kind of happiness possible ,i never knew that this feeling was even possible to feel until i met you .

there was never a moment when i regretted stanning you ,supporting you and giving you all my heart and soul ,my energy ,everything .i just want you to know that you are so special ,so wonderful ,so incredibly talented ,so hardworking ,so beautiful ,just the most amazing bunch of people ever .ive never seen people so passionate ,so ready to help ,so genuinely loving and caring towards the people who love them .

i know its hard to be an idol ,and i know that its especially hard to even speak your mind ,speak what you wanna say without having the media chase you down .but i just wanna let you know that we are and will be by your sides forever .no matter what happens ,im sure ,very sure u know that u can run right back into our arms like how uve always welcome us back into urs .u are the people who made me feel the most bizarre feelings ,beyond happiness ,beyond joy ,beyond euphoria ,beyond all the feelings ive ever felt in my whole 16 years of living .

we are so proud of you of how far youve come ,how much youve accomplished .im so so proud ,so so happy to be able to call myself a fan of yours ,a theb ,someone who so dearly supports you .and i really hope you know that .i would wish for there to never be an end to this .for all i know ,im in this shit for life ,forever ,till the end .

im just so happy because of you ,i feel joy ,i see the light in life ,the reasons to live ,so much more prominent to me now because of you .there will come one day ,when we can finally see each other face to face and i can finally shout out to you ,my words of gratitude ,my words of thanks and my words filled with love and affection for you and just see your faces .but till then ,please take good good care of urselves ,rest well and eat well okay !we're always here ,remember !❤

its really been a rocky and crazy ride these 3 years ,you my friend ,are indeed the best character i can ever invite into my story 💜i hope youre sleeping tight ,i love you so much more than words can ever describe .with that ,happy 3 years to my favourites ,my loves ,my bbs ,my shining lights ,my everything ,happy 3 years to the boyz ❤💜💙💛 - berinne

#deobiwritersnet #the boyz #theb #deobi #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #happytheboyzday #the boyz imagines

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

Text

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

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