#what we SHOULD be doing is actually tackling those expectations and pressures instead

[soracities]

Hi! So I tried not to say anything about some anti makeup posts I saw on your blog but I need to say this. I think you're very wise and I agree it's very important for us to love ourselves as we are. But some people like myself doesn't care about 'empowering' of makeup or whatever but we just have fun with it and we just love it. I say we because I know there is a lot of people like me. Yeah, we are feeding capitalism or whatever, but world is beautiful and it's also terrible so people trying make themselves feel good, have fun, ect. I see a lot of people who don't wear makeup and i'm happy for them! I didn't wear makeup until i turned 20 i think and felt good.

One thing I wanted to add is in response of post about feminine girls. I think everything needs balance and sometimes people tend to overreact in their opinion and divide everything in black and white. Personally I never cared how women around me looked and what they were wearing. But I would like to have same treatment, and not to feel silly for wearing pink or feminine clothes.

Sorry, I don't know English very well so maybe I can't translate my idea entirely. What I'm trying to say i think everyone should do what they like and leave each other in peace.

Sorry for this essay, just wanted to share my point of view.

Hi, anon! I'm sorry for the delay in getting to this, but I appreciate you writing this (and your English was fine, don't worry)

I think the main argument of those posts (and my own feelings about this) is not about makeup on its own, or even judgement about who does and doesn't choose to wear it--what they are criticizing is a particular part of the society we live in which puts a huge emphasis on women's beauty and appearance in order to fulfill an idea of what a woman "should" be, and the role that makeup plays in that as a result. Because whether we like it or not, whether we believe in them or not, whether we feel pressured by them or not, these expectations do exist. How we personally respond to them does not change that.

I personally don't have an issue with makeup or the concept of it (in almost every culture on earth, humans have been using makeup of some kind for literally thousands of years)--but what I do have a problem with is when we treat makeup, or other traditionally "feminine" forms of expression as neutral things when they are not. A comb or a hair tie is neutral--it's just a thing. Lipstick and eyeliner are also just things, but only when they exist by themselves--and in reality they don't exist by themselves: they exist in a world where we value women on their physical appearance before we value them for anything else--lipstick and eyeliner exist to emphasise parts of your appearance, to make you look a certain way--and in a society where we put so much importance on women looking a certain way, they aren't just ordinary things you toy around with for fun. You can have fun with them, but it doesn't change their role. They can't be treated as exceptions from the world they are used in.

I think sometimes people assume that being anti-makeup is the same as being anti-women-who-wear-makeup, which misses the point (and also suggests a very dangerous idea which I think, sometimes, is why people respond so angrily to these criticisms: because if we believe that being anti-makeup = being anti-women, then therefore makeup = womanhood, and this is simply not true). Whether you wear these things just for fun and to enjoy yourself isn't what is being talked about because these criticisms are not about you on a personal level: they are about looking at a society that is as image-obsessed as ours, and asking why makeup has the role that it has when 1) it is almost exclusively aimed at women--women who, as a group, have been historically marginalised, and whose value, historically, has almost always been measured in terms of their beauty before anything else and 2) the makeup that is emphasized, the trends and styles that come and go, are often not so much about self-expression (if they were, people would be freely wearing all sorts of wild colours and styles: when we talk about "makeup culture" it's not the same kind of makeup used in the goth, punk, or alt scenes for example where makeup plays a very different role) but almost always about achieving or aspiring towards a type of beauty that is valued or expected: to make you look younger, to make your eyes brighter or larger, to make your lips bigger or sexier, your cheekbones more prominent etc--again, on their own, these things may not be a big deal, but they exist in a world where having these looks means you are valued in a certain way as a woman. And when this exists in our kind of world, where the power dynamics we have automatically mean women's perceived power is through beauty, and where we insist so much on women being a particular kind of beautiful (and this starts in childhood) we have to ask and investigate WHY that is--why this type of beauty and not another? why (almost only) women? who benefits from this? who suffers as a result?

The argument of "not all women" wear makeup for empowerment misses the point of these criticism, because it is focusing on a person's individual choices in a way that suggests our choices can define the world we live in, and they can't. We are deeply social animals. Therefore, how we appear to each other and to ourselves is a socially influenced phenomenon. This applies for race, for sexuality, and for gender. How women are perceived at large, in different social structures, is a social phenomenon influenced by the societies we exist in and the values of those societies. These criticisms are about the society we make those choices in and how that can affect us. For you, makeup may be something fun and enjoyable and that's fine. I'm not saying that's untrue or that people don't feel this way or that you are wrong for feeling this way. It's also not saying that you are brain-washed or oppressing yourself for it. But it doesn't change the world we live in. Someone feeling perfectly happy to go out with makeup or without makeup, and feeling no pressure to do either, is great--but it doesn't mean there aren't a lot of women who do feel pressured into wearing it, and that pressure is a social one. It doesn't change the inequality that exists between how women's physical appearances are judged compared to men's. It doesn't change the fact that almost every childhood story most kids hear (that aren't about animals) have a "beautiful princess" (and very little else is said about her except that she is beautiful) and a "brave" knight/prince/king/whichever: the princess (or maiden or whatever young woman) is defined by how she looks; the male in the story by how he acts.

It also doesn't change the fact that so many young girls grow up hearing the women around them criticize various parts of their bodies and that they carry this into their lives. It doesn't change the fact that we expect (in Western countries at least) for women to have criticisms about their appearance and they are "stuck-up" or "full of themselves" if they don't. It doesn't change the fact that magazines photos, red carpet photos, films, tv shows etc., feature actresses who are beautiful in a way that is absolutely above and beyond exceptional (and who either have had work done cosmetically, or are wealthy enough to be able to afford to look the way they do through top-class makeup artists, personal trainers etc) but who we think are within the "normal" range of beauty because faces like theirs are all that we see--how many famous actors / entertainers can you name who look like they could be someone's random uncle, or "just some guy" (writing this, I can think of 5). Now how many actresses, equally famous, can you think of that are the same? Very, very, very few.

The point of those posts, and why I feel so strongly about this, is that we have a deeply skewed view of beauty when it comes to women, because, as a society, we place so much on how they look in such a way that it is not, and was never meant to be, achievable: therefore anything that contributes to how women look, that markets itself in the way that the makeup industry does in this day and age, needs to be questioned and looked at in relation to that. No one is saying don't wear eyeliner or blush--what they are trying to say is that we need to be aware of the kind of world eyeliner and blush exists in, what their particular functions as eyeliner and blush do in the world that they exist in, that we exist in, and how this does impact the view we have on makeup as a result. Your personal enjoyment may be true to you and others, but this doesn't change the role of female beauty in the world because, again, our personal choices don't define the world in this way. Often, it's the other way around. And we cannot deny this fact because, while it may not affect you negatively, it does affect others.

I absolutely agree with you because I don't care how other women around me choose to dress or express themselves, either--that's their freedom to wear what they want and enjoy themselves and I want them to have that freedom. But my view is not the world's view, and it's certainly not the view of a lot of other people, either. I don't care if another woman loves pink and wearing skirts and dresses--but, like makeup, pink, skirts, and dresses, are not neutral things either. They're tied to a particular image of 'femininity' which means they are tied to a particular way of "being a woman" in this world. I'm not saying, at all, that it's wrong to wear these things. But I'm saying we can't treat them as though these are choices as simple as choosing what kind of socks to wear, because they aren't. They are choices that have baggage. If a woman is seen as being silly, childish, or treated unequally because she enjoys cute tops and ribbons and sundresses, that's not because we are demonizing her choices, or because being anti-makeup is being anti-woman (again, it is absolutely not): it's because we as a society demonize women for any choice. That isn't because of anti-makeup stances--that's because of sexism.

You mentioned that you want to be treated the same as anyone else for wearing feminine clothes--but the fear that you wouldn't be isn't because of the discussions critiquing makeup and other traditionally "feminine" things--it's because we live in a society where women are constantly defined by how they appear on the outside, and no amount of our personal choices will make this untrue. Whether you are a girly-girl or a tomboy, you'll always be judged. And, in reality, when women follow certain beauty standards they do get treated better--but this doesn't mean much in a society where the standards are so high you can never reach them, and where the basic regard for women is so low to begin with (not to mention the hypocrisy that exists within those standards). This is what all those criticisms towards makeup and "empowerment" are about: it's about interrogating a society that is built on this kind of logic and asking why we should insist on leaving it as it is when it does so much damage. It's saying that that if we want everyone to truly feel free in how they choose to present themselves we have to go deeper than just defining freedom by these choices on their own, and look at the environment those choices are made in. And that involves some deeply uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

Also, and I think this important to remember, views on makeup and the social place of makeup will also depend on culture and where you are, and the beauty expectations you grew up with. And when it comes to the internet, and given American dominance online, a lot of these posts criticizing makeup and the way makeup is being used to sell an idea that wearing it is "empowering" to the woman (which is basically saying: you are MORE of a woman when you wear it; you are stronger and more powerful because, in our society, beauty is portrayed as a form of power: it tells you, you can battle the inequality women face by embracing the role beauty plays in our lives but it doesn't tell you this emphasis on beauty is part of that inequality), are based on the way makeup is portrayed in mostly English-speaking Western countries. My views are shaped by what I grew up seeing, and while a full face of makeup (concealer, primer, foundation, mascara, highlighter, contour, blush, brow tint, brow gel etc) may not be daily practice or even embraced in a place like France or maybe other places in mainland Europe (but that doesn't mean they don't have their own expectations of feminine beauty), they are daily practice in places like the US and Britain, and this is what most of those posts and criticisms are responding to.

We can argue as much as we want about makeup, but when you grow up in a society where women feel the need to put on makeup before going to the gym there is something seriously wrong. Embracing makeup and enjoying makeup is one thing, but it cannot be a neutral thing when so much of it is about looking like you're not wearing makeup at all, or when we assume a woman is better qualified for a job or more professional when she wears it. It cannot be a neutral thing when a singer like Alicia Keys goes makeup-free for a red carpet event and it causes a stir online because people think she looks sick (what she looks like is normal--I would argue above normal--but wearing makeup to cover up "flaws" is so normal now that we genuinely don't know what normal skin is supposed to look like because the beauty of these celebrities is part of their appeal: they are something to aspire to). It is absolutely very normal for me, where I am, to see young girls with fake lashes and filled in brows: it's not every girl I pass, but it is enough. I'm not saying they are miserable, or brain-washed, or should be judged. I can believe that for them it's something enjoyable--but how am I supposed to see something like that and not be aware of the kind of celebrities and makeup tutorials that are everywhere on TikTok and YouTube, and that they are seeing everyday? How am I not supposed to have doubts when people tell me "it's their choice!" when the choices being offered are so limited and focused on one thing?

I never wore makeup as a teenager and I still don't, but a lot of that is because I grew up surrounded by people who just didn't. Makeup was never portrayed as anything bad or forbidden (and I don't see it like that either)--it was just this thing that, for me growing up, was never made to be a necessity not even for special occasions. I saw airbrushed photos and magazines all around me, for sure, and I definitely felt the beauty pressure and the body pressure (for example, I definitely felt my confidence would be better if I wore concealer to deal with my uneven skintone, and I felt this for years). But I also know that, growing up, I saw both sides. No makeup was the default I saw at home, while makeup was the default I saw outside. And that does play a part, not just in the choices you make, but in the choices that you feel you are allowed to make. No makeup was an option for me because it was what I saw everyday, even with my own insecurities; but if you do not see that as an option around you (and I know for most girls my age, where I grew up, it probably wasn't) then how can we fully argue that the decision you make is a real choice?

If I wanted to wear a cute skirt outside, for example, and decided to shave my legs--that isn't a real choice. And it cannot ever be a real choice, no matter how much I say "this is for me" or "I prefer it like this" because going out in public with hairy legs and going out in public with shaved legs will cause two completely different reactions. How can I separate what I think is "my choice" from a choice I make because I want to avoid the negative looks and comments? And how can I argue that choosing to shave is a freely made choice when the alternative has such negativity? If you feel pressured into choosing one thing over another, that's not a choice. Does this make sense?

This is how I feel about makeup most of the time, and what I want more than anything else is for us to be able to have a conversation about why we make the choices we do beyond saying "it makes me feel good" and ending the conversation there. Again, I'm not saying people need to stop wearing makeup or stop finding enjoyment in wearing it, but I think we tend to get so focused on our own feelings about this and forget that there is a bigger picture and this picture is a deeply unequal one. That is what this conversation is about. I hope this explains some things, anon, and if I misinterpreted anything please feel free to message me again. x

#i think in essence what i'm trying to say is that #some things are true in a microcosm but you cannot make a universal application for them bc the microcosm isn't representative of the whole #and it is dangerous to assume that it is or that it can be bc you're erasing the bigger picture when you do that #it would be like a poc saying they never felt the pressure of skin-lightening creams which is amazing but it doesnt change the fact that a #whole industry exists selling skin-lightening products BECAUSE there is a demand for them and that demand exists BECAUSE there is an #expectation that they SHOULD be used and this is because there is a belief that lighter skin = more beautiful. regardless of how messed up #and damaging that logic is that doesn't mean it doesn't exist in the world #and therefore those industries exist to maintain that belief because that belief is what drives their purpose and their profits #and we are doing no favours to the countless poc who DO feel pressured to subject their skins to these products or who come away with #a deeply damaged sense of self-worth (not to mention the internalised racism that's behind these beliefs) bc of constantly being told they #are less than for being darker than a paper bag which is RIDICULOUS #saying its all down to choice is not far off from saying you can CHOOSE to not be affected by the pressure but like....that's just not true #you can't choose to not be the recipient of colorism any more than you can choose to not be the recipient of sexism. and its putting a huge #amount of pressure and responsibility for an individual to just not be affected by deeply ingrained societal pressures and expectations whe #what we SHOULD be doing is actually tackling those expectations and pressures instead #they are leaving these systems intact to continue the damage that they do by making everything about what you as an individual think and #believe but while we all ARE individuals we dont live in separate bubbles. we are part of and IN this world together. and it acts on us as #much as we act on it. but like.....i think i've gone on enough already #ask #anonymous

[diaryofanaverageunicorn]

Exam day.

Day 3

Alright, I got a 7. That's around 72%? I dunno, the Danish system is weird, but it's like, it's an alright grade. I expected exactly that, a 7. The project was a mess from the start and even though we all had great ideas, we were just pulling in too many different directions and tackling too many things without a clear goal.

I overestimated myself twice. I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a realistic way. In a way that would translate to me being gentle with myself.

I set out to do both yoga and Italian after the exam. Realistically, I can only do one of those after an exhausting day like today so putting both on my to-do list was just setting myself up for failure. I haven't done any Italian or yoga.

We schedule our work shifts a month in advance, which means that I scheduled my non-available days around mid-December. I did not schedule a rest day after today, so they ended up giving me a long shift tomorrow. Second overestimation. I absolutely should have thought about my social and mental exhaustion after difficult days and should have requested tomorrow off instead of hoping they would book someone else.

The lesson that we should all take from this Conscious Experience™: DO NOT OVERBOOK. EVER. And by overbooking, I mean the neurodivergent kind of overbooking. Because, yes, our neurotypical frens might do these things regularly but most of us who are struggling with a menty d, constantly ignore our own limitations (I ShouLd Be Able To dO iT. It'S ToteS FinE). Then, when we fail to perform up to the unreasonable standard that we set up for ourselves we feel like garbage. That's what I meant when I said "being gentle with myself". Setting yourself up for failure just because of some external or internal pressures is not worth it. I do not support all "f*ck it" culture, but here, it is absolutely necessary. Oh, and I forgot my contraceptive for the first time. I should seriously consider the implant option, with the amount of anxiety that "taking a pill every day at the same hour" gives me.

Wins of today, however, are — printed my Italian grammar textbook, got through the exam just fine, the project is finally over (I made it woopwoop), got myself the jellybeans I had been craving for two days, saw The Captain (fren), ran into the Head of Studies who did read my email, and Might be able to switch my Speech Workshop (from hell) to the one I actually wanted, wore my wig all day, with minimum discomfort (my natural hair is fine but a bob, and I want shapeshifting superpowers, you get it).

So, it has been a lomg day, with some hiccups, but I got through it alright. I'm not sure how tomorrow will be but I'm hoping for minimum anxiety and just brain smoothing activities. My paramour awaits!

Goodnight,

M.

#journal entry #day3 #18.01.2023 #adhd #exam day

[locustheologicus]

Political Charity: Rather than dismiss government learn what it actually does and why we should value it.

Pope Francis and the Catholic social tradition has always advocated for the necessity of government and the values of good governance. Today, we see that many people from all political stripes and none are quick to dismiss government as simply inefficient and even unnecessary. In the United States the Republican party, and specifically its libertarian wing, are often eager to attack any existing government intervention and regulations as forms of socialism that destroy our individual freedoms. This is a very simplistic and erroneous narrative that often supports large pro-corporate policies in order to dominate our social reality. In his recent social encyclical Pope Francis tells us that:

I would once more observe that “politics must not be subject to the economy, nor should the economy be subject to the dictates of an efficiency-driven paradigm of technocracy”. Although misuse of power, corruption, disregard for law and inefficiency must clearly be rejected, “economics without politics cannot be justified, since this would make it impossible to favour other ways of handling the various aspects of the present crisis”. Instead, “what is needed is a politics which is far-sighted and capable of a new, integral and interdisciplinary approach to handling the different aspects of the crisis”. In other words, a “healthy politics… capable of reforming and coordinating institutions, promoting best practices and overcoming undue pressure and bureaucratic inertia”. We cannot expect economics to do this, nor can we allow economics to take over the real power of the state.

After offering this analysis into the necessary role of politics especially in its ability to regulate and thus balance economic systems and their proclivity for social disruptions for the sake of profit Pope Francis then offers this insight into the moral purpose of the political system.

In the face of many petty forms of politics focused on immediate interests, I would repeat that “true statecraft is manifest when, in difficult times, we uphold high principles and think of the long-term common good. Political powers do not find it easy to assume this duty in the work of nation-building”, much less in forging a common project for the human family, now and in the future. Thinking of those who will come after us does not serve electoral purposes, yet it is what authentic justice demands.

Adam Conover from the famous series "Adam Ruins Everything" is known for his deep social analysis on many issues that are often seen as complicated. Believing that education is important and that an informed mind is an essential component of a functioning democratic state he offers this series that allows us to see and understand how concepts like government actually function with all its messy complexities. Adam is highly critical of almost all social systems and I find him to be almost anarchistic in his critical approach to... well everything. But for Adam the bottom line is critical truth and reality so it is with those lens that he enters into his present subject matter, which in this case is government.

In the second part of his G-word series, when Adam tackles government programs and intervention in weather disasters, Adam reveals a moral insight that I believe connects deeply with Pope Francis' teaching.

Do you know what I love about the weather? It unites us. When a storm rolls in, everyone in town is thinking the same thing. Oh, first, I gotta buy milk and toilet paper immediately! But then, I gotta go check on my neighbors. When we work together like that, when we take collective action for the common good, ther's no limit to what we can do. And giving us a way to do that, giving us a way to come together and protect each other in the face of life's greatest disasters, on its best days, that's what a government is. Even if it doesn't always live up to it.

These expressed vision of good governance go against an existing and very disturbing narrative in our nation; a narrative that is causing Americans to dismiss government and almost renounce their own civil and political power. In our society we hear from those who push us to dismiss our existing democratic form of government by highlighting fears and potential insecurities which, so we are told, the government is to inept to respond to. With people thinking that they cannot rely on government or in their own ability to influence and organize their government in order to address issues (think of how people dismiss voting because the narrative includes a deep state of political corruption) the solution then is for a movement to topple democratic government in favor of a designated strongman that will give the illusion of order (even though that person belongs to the same economic system that is causing the social instability in the first place). This narrative comes straight from the Star Wars universe playbook. The election of Palpatine to reorganize the Republic into an empire with himself as the ruling Emperor is a cinematic social statement to this very point.

January 6, 2021 was a disturbing event in our nation's history and we should all be mindful of it. It was the moment that an angry mob that bought into the divisive narrative and led by a potential strongman, attempted to usurp our democratic election in support of his own desire for power. With the hearings currently underway into the event of 1/6/21 we should all be attentive to what is emerging from this incident which in my opinion is nothing less than an attack into the very fabric of our democratic process. Pope Francis warns us that these existing narratives that fuel events like 1/6/21, "sow nothing but division, conflict and a bleak cynicism incapable of mobilizing people to pursue a common goal."

In this post I suggest we should allow Adam Conover to shed some light into the purpose of government and the reality of what works and what does not. Then we can integrate the values and wisdom of Pope Francis and our Catholic social tradition to explore how we can support good functioning governance that can help us achieve the common good while protecting our basic liberties. With the 1/6/21 hearing underway this can be the teachable moment for all of us to enter into a reflection on our own civic involvement and for us and our politicians to reflect on the value of politics and their own political role. Pope Francis offers us these political reflection questions toward the end of his encyclical.

At times, in thinking of the future, we do well to ask ourselves, “Why I am doing this?”, “What is my real aim?” For as time goes on, reflecting on the past, the questions will not be: “How many people endorsed me?”, “How many voted for me?”, “How many had a positive image of me?” The real, and potentially painful, questions will be, “How much love did I put into my work?” “What did I do for the progress of our people?” “What mark did I leave on the life of society?” “What real bonds did I create?” “What positive forces did I unleash?” “How much social peace did I sow?” “What good did I achieve in the position that was entrusted to me?”

These reflection questions can help the person discerning their potential political career but they can also help us all consider what we are looking for and how to evaluate those who serve us in government. Instead of dismissing governments and our representatives, instead of leveling ad hominems at caricatures of certain political figures, let's evaluate our own political role based on what we believe and examine the people who represent us beyond their political affiliation to see what stance they have on the issues and how we can support or challenge them on these issues. By engaging in this process and recognizing the moral role of politicians in promoting the common good we enter into a broader form of charity that Pope Francis calls political charity.

For whereas individuals can help others in need, when they join together in initiating social processes of fraternity and justice for all, they enter the “field of charity at its most vast, namely political charity”. This entails working for a social and political order whose soul is social charity. Once more, I appeal for a renewed appreciation of politics as “a lofty vocation and one of the highest forms of charity, inasmuch as it seeks the common good”.

With the 1/6/21 investigation underway we need to recognize this tragic event for what it was and instead of dismissing our governmental institutions let us once again value the rightful role of government. As Americans we need to believe again in the democratic ideals of our nation and support representational government. My appeal with this post is for those of us who are tired of politics as usual and may be tempted in dismissing civic participation. May we instead delve into the role and function of good governance and be agents of change by engaging into the system that can work to represent our common interest. Adam ends his series with this powerful insight:

People aren't perfect... So, our government is far from perfect too. You know I've really struggled with how to summarize everything I've learned making this show. Our government is powerful and democratic and caring and destructive and discriminatory and cruel. It's everything all at once. Because we the people are all those things too. But a better world is possible and on its best days our government is a tool that we can use together to build that better world for ourselves and each other. Should we choose to. And for that reason, it's worth fighting for.

With the value of political charity in mind I ask that we see the analysis into our existing government system which Netflix offers with "The G-Word with Adam Conover" and as a supplemental resource consider the short but wonderful educational series that PBS offers below with their Crash Course Government and Politics videos.

#government #us politics

[slightlycrunchy]

pre-slash geraskier, angst with happy ending, whump, bodyswap, hc

1800 words

Enjoy!

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

“Dammit Jaskier, did you really have to call her that—“

Geralt stops mid-sentence, hand flying up to his own throat to stop the sound that has come from his mouth. He’s panting slightly, the witch having thrown them through a shoddy excuse for a portal into some endless partition of wilderness.

It looks like Velen. He’s sure it’s Velen.

His fingers crawl up his throat to his face, feeling slight stubble instead of the beard Geralt has grown over their weeks on the Path, which blankets a thinner face than Geralt is accustomed to. He looks down, expecting to see leather armor covering black cloth, the straps that cross his chest to hold his swords at his back, only to see silk; red, and gleaming with gold stitching across his torso.

Jaskier’s favorite.

He curses inwardly, kicks himself mentally for bringing the damn bard along. Of course he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, of course just as Geralt had finished his business with her and was accepting payment the foppish dandy had to go run his mouth.

“My dear, I thought witches could keep themselves young forever, and well, I think we can all see that maybe you aren’t as powerful as you try to appear—“

The bard had got no further than that. Witches and mages have notoriously short tempers and Jaskier knows this—and yet, here they are.

Thrown away like refuse and trapped in each others’ bodies.

Geralt can feel the snarl on his lips and it feels entirely wrong, the shape of his mouth pulling where usually it would not. He feels small and light, where usually the bulk of his own muscle would weigh him down at every turn, and as he lifts his hand to marvel at the foreign sensations, he gapes at his long and slender fingers.

Geralt has always felt…something about Jaskier’s hands, something he struggles to name. Sometimes he thinks it admiration—for their ability and their elegance. Where Geralt’s are toughened by hard labor and age, Jaskier’s have always been the complete opposite.

Geralt has held them, a time or two, and the almost feminine quality to them is a novelty. He looks at them now, controlling them as he clenches and spreads them, flipping them over to see unblemished skin and pale knuckles. He’s so engrossed for a moment that the rest isn’t noticed immediately.

Silence.

Pure, blessed silence.

It surrounds him, like a cocoon, like thick wool wrapped up to his ears in softness and calm. Geralt has lost his age—he stopped caring decades ago, after all, the information does him no good—but he knows he’s over a century by now, and yet he can’t remember the last time he felt like this. A time when every snap of a twig or breath of the people around him could be heard and analyzed for danger. Hypervigilance. Always, always Geralt is ready. For his next fight, his next job, the next time he must defend himself from the world that dislikes him for no good reason. His time before the trials is blurry at best, forgotten at worst, and he decides right now that this is the most peace he’s ever felt.

He should have known it wouldn’t last.

“Ger-Geralt,” Jaskier gasps as he falls to his knees inside a witcher’s body.

It’s strange hearing his own voice sound so vulnerable, broken, breathy and quiet as he rushes to Jaskier’s side while the bard’s chest—his own chest—rises and falls rapidly. The comfortable silence inside his mind is restless now; Jaskier’s suffering is loud and insistent in an intangible way. It always has been.

“It burns Geralt—“ Jaskier bites out between clenched teeth, canines long and conspicuous. It’s strange seeing his own body like this, housing Jaskier’s soul, his very being. It clenches something in Geralt’s chest that he has not time to name.

“Jaskier, what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”

Had the witch done something else to him? In her anger had she cursed the bard, hurt him in some other way? He can’t smell blood—but then again he wouldn’t be able to now, would he?

Jaskier’s body is heaving, on his knees and doubled over like some wounded thing. Geralt can see tears fall and hit the dirt, nails scrabbling for purchase at Geralt’s borrowed forearm, nearly tearing at the thick fabric of Jaskier’s frivolous doublet.

“My head, it’s exploding— It’s too much— How do you…” Jaskier starts and stops and slowly, in horror, the reality washes over Geralt.

While Geralt enjoys his first peace in an era, Jaskier has been dropped into a pit of torture.

Immediately Geralt places slender hands over Jaskier’s ears, attempting to muffle the onslaught of sensation that he must feel. Every sound, every vibration must be pounding at Jaskier’s head, wave after wave of movement, life, the earth shoving its way into Jaskier’s consciousness.

Jaskier’s golden eyes connect with Geralt’s borrowed blue, wide and wet, before he promptly turns and vomits onto the ground.

“Jaskier, I’m sorry, I’m sorry just—hold on.”

He doesn’t know what to do. They’re an unknown distance from the one who caused this—from relief—and yet Jaskier can hardly handle minutes of this. Jaskier chokes and spits, his entire body trembling under Geralt’s palms and the witcher can do nothing but stroke gentle thumbs over wet cheeks. It hurts him when Jaskier rises again, looking with pained eyes at Geralt. He doesn’t speak, Geralt isn’t sure if he really can, yet his eyes plead with Geralt to end it, please I can’t take it.

Geralt doesn’t know how he understands these words without hearing them, but they only drive the stake further into his heart.

Jaskier is suffering, and it’s Geralt’s fault.

He can remember, now especially, how those first weeks had been at Kaer Morhen after the trials were complete. Utter agony and sleepless nights as he withered away with the inability to keep anything down. Sound, feeling, pain overwhelming him constantly until his body could adjust. He remembers the fevers, Vesemir by his bedside with cool cloths and the kindest words he could remember hearing in recent memory.

He thought he would die.

“End it, please I don’t want to do this anymore—“

But he had survived…and somewhere along the way he had forgotten the beginning, the mutagens running through his veins like fire and adding to the never ending harshness of his new life. Now, however, he remembers in startling clarity.

Jaskier won’t survive this.

Geralt brings Jaskier to his smaller chest, forcing one ear against his rabbiting, human heart all while holding his hand closed over the other—acting as a beacon, a point of focus for Jaskier’s hearing that takes in everything around them. It won’t fix anything, but Geralt hopes it will help. Jaskier shivers, his breaths stuttered and sick, gasps taken between chattering teeth. Geralt knows his real body will be fine, it hasn’t stopped being a witcher’s after all, no matter who holds the reins, but Jaskier’s mind…humans were not built for this. They are fragile, temporary things.

Geralt feels panic bubble up within him and it is a sensation he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Geralt feels fear, contrary to popular belief, though not for himself. He has felt fear on behalf of others many times, but it is dull, manageable. He can easily breathe through it and tackle the situation at hand, the slow beat of his heart keeping the adrenaline from flooding his veins. But Jaskier’s body is mortal and weak in this regard, and he feels it slam into him, sharp and all encompassing as his stomach lurches when the bard falters beneath his palm, sagging with exhaustion so quickly that Geralt struggles to hold him up. Geralt’s borrowed muscles strain, but they hold; to be honest, Jaskier’s body is stronger than Geralt would have given him credit for.

He tightens his hold on the bard, and a thought suddenly occurs to him.

“Jaskier, you’re going to be alright, I want you to listen to my voice.”

Jaskier’s voice has always been calming to Geralt, and so he does the only thing he can think of: he talks.

About what, he doesn’t know; he certainly doesn’t have the wherewithal to make a coherent storyline, but he babbles all the same. He speaks of Roach and his contracts, his brothers and his childhood—the good parts that he remembers and his early days on the Path.

All the while he runs hands through white strands, putting a pleasant (he hopes) pressure against Jaskier’s scalp. He remembers Eskel doing this for him in those early days; it helped. He hopes it helps now.

He doesn’t know how long they sit there awkwardly upon the ground, Geralt’s untrained legs falling numb as his knees begin to ache. The time doesn’t matter, only keeping the pain at bay, the war against Jaskier’s fragile mind as it rages and slashes at the door.

Eventually Jaskier’s stamina gives out, and he falls, but only so far. Geralt catches him, and after folding his legs out from beneath him with a grimace, lays his actual body against his borrowed one, Jaskier’s head falling to the side in his unconsciousness. All the while long, slender fingers never stop carding through white strands.

Geralt lets the panic ebb away, having come up with a plan some time ago while holding Jaskier so close they practically felt like one. Jaskier’s bag lays to Geralt’s right, just at arms length and inside he knows the xenovox is cradled between extra pairs of garish clothing. When Geralt had remembered, he had never been so happy that Jaskier tended to keep his things on him rather than tied up with Roach.

Roach. With a sigh Geralt realizes he needs to find her too. Another thing to take care of after the witch.

He won’t forgive her for what she’s done.

With ginger movements so as to not wake the sleeping bard on his lap, he grabs the bag and soon finds what he is looking for. He savors the moment of quiet that has descended in Jaskier’s sleep, letting the panic and fear that tastes bitter on his tongue disappear into a practiced ease.

Yennefer will be annoyed with him, and once Geralt has gotten over what has just happened, he in turn will be annoyed with Jaskier. The bard got them into this mess after all. But as he looks down on Jaskier, his own sleeping form—a shudder going through him at the wrongness of it all—he decides perhaps not.

The bard has gone through enough, after all.

A voice comes over the device, slightly muffled and crackling, “Geralt?”

“Yen.”

“The bard? What are you doing with this, this wasn’t for your use.”

“Yen, it’s Geralt.”

Silence rests between them for a moment, the only sound Geralt hears with his human ears being the rustling of wind through the trees around him. He tries to savor it.

She sighs. “Oh, for fucks sake.”

He smiles.

#the witcher #geraskier #angst #hurt/comfort #my writing #fic

[phantom-curve]

For @panickosdisordr2, set in a high school AU where everyone is alive, I give you absolutely flustered Luke and poor, sweet, long-suffering Julie.

#38: stroking their leg & #41: sitting close and knees touching

Luke was still getting used to the fact that being Julie’s boyfriend meant he didn’t have to be so nervous about touching her anymore. For so long he had been forced to overthink every single interaction with her, needing to constantly toe the line of friendship even when he wanted so much more. Every touch, every lingering glance, had to be just this side of friendly. And no, he wasn’t always successful. Quite often his glances lingered a beat too long and his touches came close to being more proprietary than he had any right acting as a friend. Luke had made a list of rules to keep himself in check and he repeated them over and over before, during, and after he spent time with Julie.

Rule #1: No looking at Julie for longer than 30 60 seconds.

(30 seconds had been the goal, but who was he kidding? Julie was a freaking wrecking ball of musical talent and wickedly beautiful. 45 seconds was the absolute minimum he could handle, and even that was kind of pushing it.)

Rule #2: No writing blatantly obvious songs about Julie.

(Because really, every song was about Julie. But Julie didn’t need to know every song was about her. And Alex and Reggie really, really didn’t need to know, and no, just because they guessed didn’t mean they knew.)

Rule #3: No looking at Julie’s lips unless there was a microphone between them.

(He barely managed this one, which was why he kept sharing the mic with her more and more the longer they practiced and the more comfortable they became preforming together. It was the best kind of torture, and it wasn’t creepy, Alex, pay attention to drumming and not front people stuff!)

Rule #4: No touching Julie except for her shoulders and her arms and her waist (but only if they were hugging!)

(So what if Luke made sure to hug Julie a lot. He was a touchy-feely kind of guy, everyone knew that, and he only hugged someone after making sure they were okay with it. Julie never pushed him away, in fact she seemed to like the fact that he was so open with affection and comfort. It was fine.)

But dating Julie meant that all of those rules went right out the window. And Luke was still figuring out how to navigate that.

Julie didn’t seem to have any problems on her end. She slipped seamlessly from best friend to girlfriend without missing a beat. She would lean into him when they sat next to each other during lunch and move his hair out of his face without hesitation as she gazed into his eyes with a million stars dancing in her own. Her touch was casual but affectionate, her fingertips almost always finding some patch of skin to skim across whenever he was within arm’s reach. She kissed her way along his skin with an enviable ease, never holding back because she wasn’t sure he would like it, but instead blazing a path along his cheek or his collarbone or molding her lips against his as if she had always known that was what he so desperately desired most in the world.

Luke would never tell her, but part of his hesitation was because he felt wholly undeserving of her unwavering devotion. What had he ever done to earn someone as bright and beautiful as Julie Molina? He knew if he told her, she would have a million and one reasons why he was wrong, so he mostly kept it to himself and reveled in her easy affection every chance that he got. He should have known that eventually she would call him out on it.

“Luke...do you...not want me to touch you?”

He just hadn’t expected her to ask like that.

They were working on a new song out in the studio, a place Julie had chosen that he had assumed was because she didn’t want Carlos bothering them and because they had easier access to their instruments out there. They were sharing the couch, sitting across from each other with a shared notebook open between them, offering different lyric ideas back and forth as they tried to nail down the right lines. Luke hadn’t even realized that Julie had slowly been moving closer. He had only registered the feeling of their knees brushing occasionally, skin touching skin because his jeans were ripped, and she was wearing a pair of shorts to combat the stifling LA heat. Every time she had leaned in, he had leaned back, his years long set of rules so engrained he had forgotten that he didn’t have to follow them anymore. It was only when Julie quietly posed her question, teeth peeking out to bite down on her lower lip, cute little top gap flashing at him and reminding him that she was his girlfriend now, that he realized what he had been doing.

“Julie, no, of course I want you to touch me!”

Luke felt himself flush from head to toe as he realized how his words had sounded. He scrambled forwards, knocking their knees together painfully, although Julie, to her credit, didn’t even flinch. He took a deep, stuttering breath and tried again.

“I didn’t...I wasn’t trying to move away from you. I just...sometimes I forget I get to do that now.”

Julie quirked a brow and tilted her head slightly. Luke wanted to scratch his eyeballs out so he never had to see her looking so hurt and confused again. He groaned, reaching behind his head to give his hair a soft tug, recentering himself in the moment. He forced himself to meet Julie’s gaze and explain in a way that would actually make sense. He also made sure to scoot forward a bit so that their kneecaps were firmly pressed together, skin to skin.

“I just...for so long I wanted to be able to touch you in any way and have it be totally normal and okay.”

The words weren’t flowing perfectly, and Luke cursed the fact that Julie was able to scramble his brains and mess with the one thing he had always felt confident in. He pushed on though, because this was Julie, and if anyone was going to understand him, it was her.

“But I didn’t...I couldn’t...we weren’t like that, you know? We were friends and yeah, I love my friends, and I hug my friends, and I’m affectionate with them or whatever, but with you it was...different. I didn’t want to just be friends. But I also didn’t know what you wanted, and more than not wanting to just be friends, I didn’t want to not be a friend, so I made these rules. Rules about how I couldn’t say too much or do too much or touch you too much because it would mean more to me than it would to you and that wasn’t fair. And then everything changed, and you liked me too, and now we’re like a freaking dream, like I don’t always believe it kinda dream, and so I fall back on the rules. Because what if I say too much or do too much or touch you too much and I ruin everything?”

That...was a lot more than he had meant to say. But Julie wasn’t looking at him with judgement in her gaze. Her eyes were gentle and warm, her lips parting almost as if she was in awe, her features softening completely. She reached forward, slowly and deliberately, to place her hands along his thighs, just above where their knees were still touching. She leaned in, the pressure of her hands strong and steady, her scent invading his senses until everything in his world shrunk down to nothing more than JulieJulieJulie.

“You could never say or do too much. And you 100% could never touch me too much. Do you know how long I waited for you? Do you know how many rules I tried to come up with, how many nights I told myself over and over again that I needed to just get over you because it was never gonna happen? How many times I was so sure I was going to ruin the band and our friendship because I was so stupidly in love with you and nothing I did could stop it?”

Luke was having a hard time remembering how to breathe. He hadn’t ever thought about any of that. Because Julie had always seemed so confident and self-assured. She had been the one to make the first move that turned them from friends to more. She had been the one to confess how she felt first. She had always been his safety net, taking the plunge before he could, reassuring him so that when he stepped off the ledge, he knew she would be there to catch him.

“God, I love you so much,” his words were fierce and intense as he touched his forehead to hers and whispered them into the small space between their lips. “What the hell would I do without you?”

“Well, you’d probably still be trying to figure out the bridge and ending to Edge of Great without me.”

Luke growled and lunged forward, tackling Julie to the couch, and smothering her shriek beneath his lips. He felt her mouth curve into a smile, the kiss turning sloppy as she giggled uncontrollably. Her hands wound around his shoulders, twisting into the hair along the nape of his neck and threatening to turn him boneless against her. He broke away, propping himself up on his forearms so that his body remained stretched out along hers as he stared down at her.

“I can’t believe I get to be with you. You promise it’s not a dream?”

“If you’re dreaming, I’m dreaming. And I don’t think we can actually share dreams no matter how much we love each other. So, you’d better believe it, babe. I’m yours, forever.”

That did turn Luke boneless, every inch of his being melting down on top of hers, so they were connected from head to toe. Julie didn’t protest. She just pulled him closer, whispered you’ll always be mine against the skin of his neck, her breath hot and spellbinding against his skin. Luke didn’t argue. Who could argue with a goddess like Julie and expect to win? The best prize of all was knowing she loved him just as deeply as he loved her; he wasn’t about to try and convince her otherwise.

If Luke was able to love Julie for the rest of her life, it wouldn’t be nearly long enough for him to show her how much he cared. But that’s what ever afters were made for, right? A lifetime and then some. Luke knew with every fiber of his being that he would love Julie far past the time their respective stars burned out. That’s what destinies were all about. Loving forever and ever and ever. Even after you thought you were gone, the legacy lived on, timeless and unbreakable. That was them. Forever and a day, no end in sight for the rest of eternity.

#I'm on a soft Juke train tonight and I cannot be stopped #choo choo motherfuckers #THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER OKAY #will I ever write Luke without making him insecure in the face of Julie's incredibility? probably not #mads writes #jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #jukebox #jatp ficlet #juke ficlet #julie molina #luke patterson #send me prompts for my birthday!

[ilovemesomekillianjones]

Navigating the Storm 2/4

Summary: Emma Swan navigates the aftermath of Neverland by trying to deal with everything the way she always has, by locking all her feelings away. Between having to share Henry with two other people now, her parents confession in the Echo Caves, her parents pushing her towards a man she has no interest in, and feelings for another man that she never expected to feel, Emma is at the end of her rope. *Post Neverland - No Curse*

Author’s Note: Thank you again to the wonderful @hollyethecurious for beta reading services! After the response to Part 1 - I am so nervous in hoping that Part 2 lives up to its predecessor. 

Rated M        3.1K        ao3         ffnet        Part 1        Under the cut, promise

Emma woke, wrapped in a warm embrace and her body immediately tensed in the fog of early morning brain haze. She never spent the night! Then she remembered where she was and who she was with and although a new fear popped into her head as she realized she was exactly where she wanted to be, Emma decided to unpack that later. They were both on their left sides and his right arm and leg cocooned her. She relished just how nice it felt to be right here, right now. Under normal circumstances Emma might feel smothered, but the crisp Maine air had penetrated the cabin a bit and his body heat was heavenly.

“Don’t run off, Swan,” he grumbled in a raspy, sleep-filled voice. “I can feel you thinking.”  

“What do you mean, ‘feel me thinking’?” she asked, mocking his husky morning voice and accent. She fell into giggles when he squeezed her in his arms and tickled her side. 

“Your body tensed as soon as you woke, that’s what I mean.”

“I actually wasn’t thinking about running off.” Emma sat up as she pondered how to translate what she was feeling. “I mean I was, but I was more thinking about not running. I know this is going to sound ridiculous because it sounds stupid in my own head, so don’t laugh.”

“Try me,” he said softly, as he sat up next to her. 

“Have you ever done things the same way for so long, or done the same thing so many times, that to not do the same thing scares you?”

Hook chuckled and nodded his head as he picked up on exactly what she was saying.

“I said no laughing,” she deadpanned.

“I wasn’t laughing at you darling, I merely know exactly the feeling you are referencing.”

Emma folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Let me share with you,” he offered, “since I see you are doubting me, despite your lie detector’s silence.”

Emma narrowed her eyes, damn him for always being so right about her. Open book, his words echoed in her head.

“Why do you think I left when you appealed to me to help you and your boy, to be a part of something?”

Emma took a moment to consider this, and though she’d always assumed it was because he was the ruthless Captain Hook, maybe there was something to what he was saying. “Because it was what you had always done? Look out for yourself, you’ll never get hurt.”

“Precisely Swan, but - and this is where I understand what you are talking about, when you appealed to me, every part of me wanted to stay and help. I wanted to stay for you. For the first time in centuries, my focus wasn’t on my revenge, and that? Well that scared the shite out of me.”

Emma was a little bit speechless, she’d always been thankful that he’d come back, but she’d never stopped to really question why. In fact, she was embarrassed to admit that at the time, she’d assumed he’d found some self-serving purpose to help them. Placing her hand on his cheek, she leaned in to kiss him gently. “Thank you for coming back,” she murmured. “I don’t think I ever truly thanked you. And since you’re always asking for gratitude in the form kisses, that’s what that kiss was for.” 

“Let me show you how I say you’re welcome.”

Emma laughed, a carefree little thing, as he tackled her to the bed and kissed her soundly. When Hook broke the kiss, Emma tried drawing him back in, but found he was sticking to his word. While she was disappointed to not experience more of this man while she had him in bed, she knew that this was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for her, putting her well-being first, even when she didn’t want to.

“We should get you home, lass, your parents are probably worried about you. I don’t suppose you checked in with them on your talking phone?”

“It’s just a phone,” Emma giggled, secretly finding it adorable that he was trying to learn new world lingo, “not a talking phone. And no, I didn’t. I left my phone at the diner so no one would bug me.”

“Bollocks, Swan. You’ll be lucky if there isn’t a massive search party underway already,” he said as he jumped out of bed. 

Emma took his proffered hand and left the comfort of the bed as well. “Ugh, you’re probably right.”

“Let me walk you home?” Hook asked after they’d dressed.

“I’d like that,” Emma answered. “Think we have time to grab a cup of coffee at Granny’s?”

They walked in relative silence as Emma pondered her next steps in helping herself. She was tired of feeling like a prisoner in her own life. Hook had made some really good points last night. Who knew Captain Hook was a life coach in training?

By the time they arrived at the loft, Emma had made a choice. Grabbing his hook, since he was holding a coffee in his hand, she said, “I’m going to talk to my parents this morning, about everything.”

“I think that’s a smart idea, love,” Hook affirmed, before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Will you come inside with me?”

After choking on his coffee and coughing until he was almost blue in the face, he answered truthfully. “I think that is the opposite of a smart idea, but… as you wish.” 

“Thank you,” Emma sighed in relief. Before she could grab the handle to the door, it swung open. 

“David, it is her!” Snow called over her shoulder. “Emma! We were so worried about you!” she cried as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. “I heard the coughing at the door and hoped it was you. You didn’t come home and I was so scared someone or something had gotten to you.”

“I’m fine, mom,” Emma assured her, hugging her back with her free arm.

“What’s he doing here?” 

Emma gritted her teeth as she peered into the loft and saw Neal standing inside. What the hell are you doing here? she wanted to scream at him. “I asked him to come with me,” Emma answered with a measure of calmness she was drawing straight from where she was still gripping Hook’s hook.

David stepped forward to join his wife and daughter in an embrace. “I’m so glad you’re alright,” he whispered. “Come inside,” David said as he ushered Hook and Emma into the loft. 

“Where’d you spend the night,” Neal asked.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” Emma growled. 

“Why is he here?” Emma asked, looking between her parents.

“I called him this morning when you hadn’t come home,” Snow confessed, eyes downcast to the floor. “I asked him if he knew where you were and he got worried and came over. We were going to get a search party organized. I’m sorry, Emma.”

“It’s okay,” Emma said, reaching to grab her mom’s hand. She didn’t miss the way her mom’s eyes shot up to meet her own, relief clear in the relaxed set of her brows as Emma uttered those two simple words. She gave her mom’s hand a squeeze before letting it go. “Let’s talk.”

Turning to Hook, she nodded her head toward the kitchen and pulled him forward. They both sat down at the dining table, where Snow and David joined them.

“I’m sorry I worried you guys last night. It was… bad form,” she smiled at the turn of phrase, “of me to leave my phone at the diner and not let you guys know I was okay. Killian was kind enough to let me stay aboard the Jolly for the night.”

“You really think jumping straight into Hook’s bed is the best thing for Henry?” Neal sputtered.

“You’re out of line, Bae,” Hook snapped.

“It’s okay,” Emma whispered to Hook, then she stood from the table and walked straight over to Neal, until her face was inches from his. 

Anger boiled in her belly, but she tamped it down and instead spoke with composure she didn’t feel. “Again, I fail to see how that is any of your business. I don’t give a fuck what you think about who I spend my time with or where I spend my nights. You lost that right so long ago. And I would never do anything to jeopardize Henry’s best interest, so you can stop using that as a cover for your jealousy of Hook. Now you can stay or you can go, but the conversation I am about to have with my parents probably isn’t something you want to stick around for.” She whipped around without waiting for a response and sat back down next to Hook at the dining table.

Emma looked between her parents as they sat next to each other holding hands, and it made her happy that they had each other. “Mom, Dad, we have to talk,” Emma started, pausing only momentarily when the door to the loft opened and slammed shut. “I let everything build up after we got back from Neverland. Last night was the absolute wrong time to try to make you guys understand all I’ve been keeping inside, and I’m sorry that I went off and then stormed out. I’ve never been the best at talking things out.”

“Emma, we only want what’s best for you,” David said sincerely. 

“I know that,” she said confidently. She reached across the table to place her hand atop her parents' joined hands to make sure she had their attention. “Neal is not what’s best for me.”

“I’m sorry we were pressuring you toward him,” her father interjected. “It’s obvious now that something happened between you two, but your mother and I didn’t know that.”

“That’s what I wanted to discuss this morning,” Emma said, sitting back in her chair. “I want to tell you what I should have told you from the very first time you mentioned Neal and I getting back together. Killian once asked me if I’d ever been in love and I lied to him. I lied because I was ashamed to admit that I had been in love once and I’d gotten my heart broken like the stupid, naive teenager I was.” 

She looked over to the man himself, and took his hook in her hand again. He smiled at her, giving her a reassuring nod. “Look, I’m going to make this as quick as possible, because this is something I hate to even think about, let alone talk about. Without going into all the details, when I was sixteen, I met Neal. We got together and eventually decided we wanted a better life, more than petty crime and sleeping in stolen cars. Neal said he had a way for us to make that better life, but it involved one last job, and I was stupid enough to help. When all was said and done, he left me holding the bag for his crime, because Pinocchio had found him and told him that I was The Savior. An anonymous tip was made to the cops and I was arrested. I was charged with possession of stolen goods in an amount exceeding the grand theft larceny limit, and they put me in prison for eleven months.”

Hook shifted in his seat, and she didn’t miss the fury in his eyes. “That’s where I found out I was pregnant, that’s where your grandson was born,” Emma’s voice cracked with a sob as the pain she’d dealt with on her own came rushing back. “What exists between me and Neal now, can only be based on what happened between us then. I hated myself, and by extension I hated him, because I did the one thing I’d vowed my whole life that I’d never do if I had a child of my own. I gave him up.”

David and Snow sat silently, grief stricken as they listened to Emma tell the story of what had happened to her when she was still just a child herself. A steady flow of tears trailed down Snow’s cheeks as she faced the collateral damage of a choice she’d made. David was ashen as he thought back to the moment he’d placed his precious daughter into that wardrobe so she could be The Savior. 

“And I hate that I put those looks on your faces, I know you had no choice in sending me away, but I didn’t know it back then,” she continued, straining to get the words out through the tears. Emma leaned into Hook when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, helping her to fight the intrinsic urge to shut down, with just his supportive embrace. 

“I didn’t make the time to process anything that happened over the last few months, Neal returning, Neal dying, Henry being kidnapped, Neal being alive, mom wanting a new baby, Dad almost dying, Henry almost dying. Then we came home, and not only did I have to share Henry with Regina, but now I had to share him with Neal of all people. And he just wouldn’t let up about getting back together and putting the past behind us for Henry’s sake, like it was my fault that there is this wedge between us. The final straw was having you two push me toward Neal, it made things…  unbearable.”

“I’m so sorry, Emma,” her mother spoke first, “we had no idea.”

“How could you,” Emma said, “I tried to sweep everything under the rug instead of talking to you guys. I didn’t want your pity and I didn’t want to be the reason you’d pass judgement on Neal.”

Snows brows furrowed. “Emma, sweetie, parents are always going to lament the wrongs their children experience, it’s because we love you, not because we pity you. It’s especially painful, at least for us,” Snow said, looking at David for confirmation, “because we weren’t there to pick up the pieces with you.”  

“I’m sorry I never took the time to explain any of it,” Emma apologized.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” David spoke. “That… coward, he’s the only one at fault here. I’m just sorry I didn’t know sooner.”

Despite the somber mood, Emma couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Hook sat next to her, no doubt spoiling for a fight with Neal, and her father looked just as primed to knock her ex down a peg or two. “He’s still Henry’s father, and I didn’t want everyone in town to hate him because of what happened between me and him. That’s why I never said anything. And now that I have, I don’t need you, either of you,” she amended, looking between Hook and her father, “seeking to avenge me.”

“No sucker punches, then?” Hook asked, looking at David while rubbing his jaw subconsciously.

“Or sneak attacks with a crowbar?” the prince asked, eying Hook.

“Exactly,” Emma said, “I just need my parents to back me up when it comes to the fact that there is no me and Neal, and there never will be.”

“We promise,” David said solemnly. 

“Of course,” Snow agreed. 

“And just so there is no question, I am happy that you guys want to try for another baby. I was just a little taken off guard when you mentioned it in Neverland, I was already struggling with the whole orphan game that Pan was playing. I’ve always felt replaceable, a byproduct of being in foster care, and no one has ever stuck around, so it took me a hard minute to realize that you weren’t trying to replace me.”

“We just got you back!” Snow exclaimed. “We would never try to replace you, Emma.”

“I know that, logically. Like I said, some of this was my bullshit that I needed to deal with. I just wanted you guys to know that I am happy for you, and I also needed you to understand where my head has been these past two weeks.”

“Thank you for trusting us enough to confide all of that to us,” David said. “I hope you know we are always here for you. And Hook,” David continued as he extended his hand across the table, “thank you for taking care of our baby girl last night, she needed someone and I’m glad you were there.” 

Hook scratched behind his ear as he tried to come up with an apt response. His instinct was always toward sarcasm or innuendo, but he knew now was the time for neither. Accepting the handshake, Hook replied graciously. “You’re welcome, Dave. I’m glad I was there, too.”

“All this talking has made me really hungry,” Emma said. “Anyone up for breakfast at Granny’s?”

“Why don’t you and Hook go,” Snow suggested. “Your father and I already ate and now that there is no search party, we can still make our appointment to look at a property.”

“A property?” Emma asked.

“We want more space,” her father started, “and I miss having land and animals around.”

“I guess it is a little crowded in here,” Emma laughed.

“Not space from you,” Snow corrected, “you’re more than welcome to come with us when we find a new place!” 

The cheerful hope behind Snow’s voice almost made Emma feel guilty about the fact that she already knew there was no way she would be moving with them. “Thanks, mom.” Emma didn’t miss the swell of elation that crossed her mom’s face at the sentiment. “You ready to go eat?” Emma asked Killian.

“Aye, love.”

“Maybe you guys can tell me and Killian about the property over dinner this week?” Emma asked, and she didn’t miss the shocked expressions on each face in the room as so many things in that sentence gave each pause for different reasons. 

“Sure, honey, that sounds nice,” David answered, a genuine smile touching his eyes. 

The four said their goodbyes and then Emma and Hook headed out the door hand-in-hand.

“Does she mean like a double date?” Snow asked.

“I don’t know,” David admitted, hands on his hips, “but I think he’s good for her.”

“You? You think Hook is good for our daughter?”

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Snow said, a smile ticking her lips. “What a difference a trip to Neverland will make. You couldn’t stand Hook.”

“That’s before I knew what kindred spirits he and Emma are. I think he understands her in a way we never will.”

Snow’s face crumpled a little and her husband was quick to pull her into his arms to reassure her that he hadn’t meant it as a slight to them as parents. “Emma knows we love her, all I’m saying is she and Hook have a lot in common. They understand each other just as you and I have always understood each other.” 

Tagging some folks, please let me know if you want to be added or removed ♥

@laschatzi @qualitycoffeethings @hookedonapirate @wordsmith-storyweaver @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @wyntereyez @hooklineandswan @teamhook @let-it-raines @spartanguard @whimsicallyenchantedrose @tiganasummertree @apromisednightcap @xemmaloveskillianx @elizabeethan @cocohook38 @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @timeless-love-story @jennjenn615 @girl-in-a-tiny-box @thesschesthair @galadriel26 @ultraluckycatnd @lifeinahole27 @therooksshiningknight @kday426 @djlbg @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @lfh1226-linda @delightfully-difficult-pirate @thejollyswan @csalltheway @xarandomdreamx @resident-of-storybrooke @vvbooklady1256 @withheartfulloflove @mcakers @gingerchangeling @searchingwardrobes @snowbellewells @nadine200179 @alexa-fangirl-forever

#cs ff #cs fan fic #captain swan #CS is my otp forever #cs fan fiction

[life-rewritten]

Lovely Writer Episode 3/4; The Discovery of Identity; Transformation, Perceptions and Hidden Ideals

Writing about this show is interesting, mostly because I have so much to say about everything. With this show it’s layers upon layers upon layers, it’s a lot of information even if it seems like a cheesy BL and like a typical storyline. The story tackles with so much irony and hints and clues to unveil and also representations of real life that takes sensitivity and time to understand and acknowledge. The show is so good already in 3-4 episodes and it’s also at times soft and romantic whilst also at times real and painful about some of the truths about society and the acting and writing industry. The director, screen writers and producers of the show have come with this ideology that they are making a BL storyline but they do not want to repeat the same mistakes as the previous, no instead they will call it out, educate the audience and also still have flawed characters learn and grow from their actions. That’s why with this show even the villains are not villains per say but humans who are forced to act the way they do to survive, they’re understandable and have reasons for why they will end up being an obstacle but also this show has no heroes, at first it seems that Gene and Sib the main characters are going to be perfect, and one dimensional caricatures that fall in love with no personality, depth or growth but actually both of them are flawed, have interesting perspectives on things, attitudes to people and ways of thinking that is vital to connecting them to where the story is going. And that’s brilliant. Whilst episode 3 is more information and outlook into the other characters as Gene deals with pressure of the industry and people and his new feelings for Nubsib, episode 4 is a softer , calmer episode dealing with Gene and Nubsib actually making their relationship mean something to the audience, showing that they could have a chance to grow a healthy, romantic love story and not the toxic, worrisome ones we feared.  And I adored both episodes. So this essay we are going to be focusing on the love story of Gene and Nubsib portrayed in these two episodes, but also how it connects to Gene’s self awareness, and also unveiling Nubsib’s character more and changing him from being seen in a sinister scary light to a soft romantic light instead.

The Price of Ambition: The Effects of Pressure

So First of all Episode 3 maps out what the writers and director want to achieve with this show. I tend to think this show becomes like a self insert for the director/writer. What they make Gene say about the way a story should be written, is also what they want to tackle and achieve with this. The nightmare scene discusses about the physical nature of BLs when it comes to NC scenes, the show mocks the lack of actually talking about the reality about what that entails by showing us Gene learn about positions and educate himself on that topic, but also it mocks the audience who expected from the books for the show to be more explicit and aggressive with NC since that’s what happens in the novel with Gene and Nubsib. Gene says in the nightmare scene that all he wants is a story that does not need that type of content to get fans but focuses on the depth of its characters, fleshing out their romance and showing why they are in love, a way to make the audience focus on the humanity of the characters as they fall in love. And that’s exactly what immediately the show starts to show, we start to immediately after the nightmare scene see Nubsib’s true colours and realise he’s not just with Gene for physical chemistry but he’s actually warm, comfortable and his love for Gene is actually quite pure and innocent despite him using inauthenticity to show it. So that’s important to think about because the next episode goes into more detail as well about these two’s romance, we start to really flesh out our characters opinions on companionship and love and we evade a NC scene by focusing on gentleness, devotion and protective love that Nubsib has for Gene as he ensures that he treats Gene properly and does the right thing and wait for consent. That’s one of the best things about this show, it will talk about the issues of BL industry but it’s not going to repeat the same mistakes its making. Yes Nubsib seems like a typical controlling, manipulative BL lead but actually he’s different and all we have to do is wait to understand why he’s hiding who he is and what his aims are. But the show is also not afraid to talk about flawed characters, and problematic actions, we may have characters that make mistakes because that’s life but they will learn from those actions. This is why I’m really in love with this show.

 Episode 3-4 also tackles transformation and the discovery and awareness of self. Especially since in episode 3 the theme is pressure, the pressure to conform which makes Hin want to start writing new BL novels like Gene did so he can get more success and notice from his writing, pressure to be something different like Aey has to do because he’s pressured to act romantic on set with Nubsib with people who objectify and sexualise them, and pressure for Gene to write more NC scenes and lose his own values and ideas on what he wants his content to be like. So there is this idea of pressure causing characters to transform and push down parts of them self.

Desperation and Transformation

I do not know where Hin is going in the storyline of course episode 4 focuses most of the story on the development and intimacy of Gene and Sib’s new relationship but in episode 3, I still feel like I could be right about Hin. Hin is a mirror image of Gene just like Aey is a mirror image of Nubsib. Both of them are exposing the hidden flaws of the characters.  The more we focus on him the more we have a storyline for him building, we’ve been told he wants to be a writer,  he’s not making money, he’s not being noticed, he has a lot of things that he wants to do but his sacrifices hint that there is a desperation in him that I think it’s really important to observe and notice that’s going to make him soon snap or act out. In episode 3 Hin mentions his new BL novel more, and he asks Gene to look into it. I do need to mention that Hin and Gene have essentially the same outline/novel idea because it’s both based on the love story of Gene and Nubsib brewing. Gene is writing about an actor and a writer falling in love with each other, Hin is writing about an editor in chief falling in love with an actor it’s really similar, like really really similar as a layout, it may be different because he doesn’t always see them but what are the odds that he is writing out the same dynamics as Gene’s new novel and asking to Gene to look at it. If the novel ends up being similar isn’t he essentially a rival to Gene? Where is Hin’s storyline going? No matter how much I want to say his journey is to write and become popular and to assert himself with his BL writing, I just don’t see it not being more important?

 All I see is a layout for Gene and him being rivals even though it doesn’t seem like it right now but for him to be like Gene you’re my idol, I look up to you and I really love you, yeah positivity, it’s great he’s inspired by Gene, it’s great that he feels these emotions towards Gene, and there’s no hostility, but I do think that if he thinks Gene is taking writing for granted, or doing something that makes him look like he’s taking that path for granted, then he would be affected, and be disappointed, and disappointment breeds resentment so I think it’s really interesting Hin isn’t being noticed by the publisher, he’s in a desperate situation right now,  pressured right now to do something good and so he’s started to start writing BLs similar to Gene, I can’t help see similarities to ideas about plagiarism, because twice they have mentioned him being immensely helpful and writing the same ideas as Gene, I can’t help notice that they’re both writing for the same publisher and one of their new books is going to be seen as more fit for the publisher, and three Tee has directed and loved characters that seem positive and obsessed with the main character only for that character to be revealed to be the obsession drove that person to villainy. Pressure and Desperation reaches a height with him, and he reacts by giving into that and being an obstacle to Gene later. I love Hin right now but I can’t help thinking he’s going to be an obstacle to Gene and Nubsib, I can’t help thinking he’s an obstacle to writing path of Gene because   he really could sacrifice Gene to become like Gene, to replace Gene, because he needs money and notoriety to make it as a  writer.  Hin also mentioning Gene as an idol is mirroring Nubsib because that’s exactly what Nubsib also sees him as, Nubsib relates to Hin, because  he understands being affected and looking up to him the same way.  Gene gives him a positive feeling and makes him want to do well, and pushes him to do more I’m guessing.

There is twice that Gene is mentioned as an idol to others, he’s an idol to Hin and he’s an idol to Aey. Nubsib does not like that Aey has read Gene’s novels, he does not like the fact that Aey seems really supportive towards Gene. One Nubsib can call out bullshit, because he’s king of faking and pretending,   and as mentioned Aey is like Nubsib’s mirror character, I think Nubsib knows how fake Aey is and he sees Aey as a rival. I really do think the mirror characters may be rivals to each other to and that’s the pattern. Two is Nubsib jealous because he thinks there’s any chance for Gene and Aey to get close? The jealousy and frustration and possessiveness he feels for Gene around Aey is something that needs to be noticed, because Sib definitely has an issue with Aey only he and Aey knows about. I don’t know why he’s so upset about Aey’s actions because he’s literally doing the same thing, he sees Gene as an idol etc, so why’s he upset about Aey unless he sees Aey in him  and that he’s just as fake as he is being. So there’s two reactions from Nubsib towards the two who mention they look up to Gene, one is jealousy and disgust and anger towards Aey and the other is support and understanding towards Hin.

In the episode where the nightmare scene talks about how Gene wants to focus on characters and not focus on the sexual relationships of the BL storyline, not focus on the toxicity of the characters but the depth and reality about their relationship and personalities, we finally get to see the answer to our question, Nubsib is 100% in love with Gene, there is no  weird scary feelings about him in both episode 3 and 4. Episode 3 exposes how he feels for Gene, his natural state and personality with Gene, even when Gene is not watching him, he’s still devoted and caring about him when Gene is sick, he doesn’t need to do that if he’s being creepy and evil and what not, every single thing he does with Gene it’s like there’s a hold on him, and he forgets where he is and it’s just filled with ultimate devotion, ultimate care, and three Nubsib is someone who cares and cherishes Gene so much that his consent is important to him. Nubsib is very practical and serious about issues with consent, even with the kiss, he ensures Gene is okay with it, even in episode 4, he struggles to not give in to Gene’s drunk demands telling Gene he’ll wait till he’s ready. He’s not forceful, he’s not controlling, all he wants is for Gene to be near him and okay.

 Now you could argue that there is a line between non consent and manipulation/coercion but I do think Nubsib was falling more into the line of coercion a little bit as first like manipulating a need for a kiss, but the most important thing that has been noticed since episode 2, is that it’s not by force, he gives Gene a lot of options repeatedly, even if he acts all sad to get guilt, or what he wants. It’s also not because he is sad that Gene is like let’s do whatever it is, it’s more like Gene sees it as opportunity to get better with his writing since Sib inspires him to write, but also he feels comfortable and safe with Nubsib. Nubsib asking for consent is something I really appreciate about him and something I like about him so much.

  Gene’s self discovery is also explored in episode 4 more when we have an episode that just focuses on him and Nubsib starting their relationship. There is a transformation of Gene who is avoidant and evasive of companionship to someone who starts to want that and see the value in that by living with Nubsib for almost a month. By the end of episode 3, his fear of vulnerability and the truth makes him regress and try to bring back what he sees as normal and get some kind of control of his environment that Nubsib has successfully invaded in.

Nubsib; The catalyst for transformation and inspiration

Nubsib causes Gene to have a transformation. Not that being an introvert is a bad thing, I’m an introvert and I also dislike always being forced to go out and hang out in large crowds. But it’s about how Nubsib’s presence is essentially making Gene become better, discover his loneliness in distancing himself from people due to his obsession and focus on writing. Nubsib makes Gene feel good and that’s why you see a difference in him from episode 3-4 after spending just almost a month with him. Even though I was confused with his transformation this episode just because he seemed more outgoing, a bit more open to people, as we see in episode 4, his work is what pulls him away from people but also it’s how he feels when he’s surrounded by people who make him feel uncomfortable. People who bring out worry, insecurity and more. He rather just focus on writing than deal with those people.

I do agree that Nubsib is invasive until episode 4 ha. Gene is an introvert. And as one the way Nubsib does invade his space was a lot, but Nubsib just has feelings for Gene, he’s a doe eyed puppy around him, he loses himself basically when he gets into caring mode with Gene, he doesn’t try to hide his support and eagerness to be with Gene and show him affection,  because it’s so automatic for him to  take care of him, protect him, treat him, because he sees Gene as a romantic partner so I do agree it is uncomfortable but that’s not the reason why Gene is even weird about it. Episode 3 and 4 is about Gene’s internalised homophobia about his sexuality. When Gene starts to put two and two about his feelings for Nubsib he explodes with anxiety and anger because he’s still struggling to accept who he is, but also he has a lot of misunderstandings and biased opinions about what being gay/queer actually means. Because of the way BL has made him view it as unrealistic, shallow, and well toxic, not that being gay is that, but he believes him ending up that way makes him like the characters in his novel, makes him be part of a world he’s seen so negatively about, something he’s trying to escape from because of seeing it as shallow and toxic. When Nubsib invades Gene’s space as well, its for positive reasons  it’s not  him purposely trying to make Gene uncomfortable, it’s to help and make sure Gene is okay, safe and cared for. So it’s not because Gene is scared by Nubsib’s actions because he’s scary but it’s because of panic and repressed feelings he’s felt for him since episode 1. So these are ways we can tell that Nubsib’s feelings under his façade is genuine, he’s just like Aey and others where they are inspired and affected by Gene.

Nubsib: The catalyst for transformation and self discovery

The past two episodes instead of seeing Nubsib being ‘shady’ just like what Gene wanted from the nightmare scene, we saw Nubsib’s good side. His genuine personality with Gene is exactly how he treats him. What I’ve decided with Sib’s character is he’s not evil, manipulative or someone so powerful he thinks he can get with everything. He’s not greedy or scary. He’s just a spoilt child. A child who wants attention, a child who feels neglected, hence he acts like how a spoilt child does, he manipulates the situation to get what he wants and is  a brat, but acts like an innocent person on the surface to get what he wants but he’s in a position of being used to getting what he wants, a position of power especially with Tum who he screams at and shouts at, that’s what a child does, just throws tantrums and make it hard for the person they know they have control over. He’s just a child who’s naïve, puppy like, who wants Gene to look at him. But he’s also spoilt because he’s in a place of privilege, so him being spoilt makes him treat others badly, but Gene makes him different, he wants to be someone better for Gene.    

As of episode 1, it has been hinted that Gene is attracted to Nubsib, he feels this inherent care for Nubsib, wants to hang around him and is also curious about him naturally. He is affected by Nubsib’s presence, and his presence  is the the thing inspiring him and makes him want to write. He’s being inspired by his real feelings but doesn’t know that because he has IH. So the question was in episode 3, as the show started to hint about it; if Gene knows about his identity and sexuality and who he is or was he learning about himself through finally falling in love with Nubsib. I thought he was learning about it but episode 4 made me think he’s known and has just been avoiding it. Gene isn’t homophobic as I’ve seen people worry he is, he has a very ignorant, uneducated, societal opinion on what those relationships is like. So Gene is like very similar to another character Tee directed Type from TharnType (before all those who detest this idea start to click of listen to the explanation),  the thing with Type was his was psychological trauma and hate and pain making him have the mindset he had, he never got to know or understand who he was because he tried hard to avoid thinking about anything to do with sexuality. With Gene, it’s his writing that makes him act sometimes homophobic, makes him overreact when there’s ideas to him being queer/gay or being in a situation like that, the way he acts is because of the corruption of the industry he has had to witness; its why he thinks its all shallow, no substance, it’s so ironic and funny to me because he’s about to find out that what these stories portray or the boys love does have substance, because now he’s falling in love, like real love, authentic love he now understands the real feelings behind wanting to write a boys love story about just two men in a relationship, he now understands the sexual attraction behind some things, why it’s just like any other novel about real life relationships, he understands why characters in BL might be more important than just what the industry is using it for.

Gene’s way of educating himself as the show goes on in this industry is so great to me and one of the reasons I adored episode 3. Opening himself, researching and trying to understand more about things is so important because

1.       He’s a writer trying to do well by this genre but he also feels uncomfortable about

2.       He’s someone represented by this genre as he is  queer character.

3.       He’s literally going through self discovery the more he writes his novel

 For example the nightmare scene in episode 3 is the catalyst of that episode. It what spirals the transformation in Gene’s character we start to see, from being withdrawn to starting to be comfortable and open. He goes through the nightmare and Nubsib shows him care when sick. (That’s what he represents to him, comfort, healing, warmth, companionship, protection). Because he feels cared for by him, he also starts to want to show the same to Nubsib to show him the same care, warmth that Nubsib was showing him etc. And because he has been holding unto his feelings for Nubsib, has been feeling overwhelmed by his fear about them, when he gets drunk to avoid dealing with him sending him away, he blurts out all he’s felt, he becomes the most truthful at that moment because he’s been holding unto all these thoughts since he first met him. But he also says to Nubsib in episode 4 that he reminds him of a lead BL character and it’s like aww he complimented his looks but the fact that Nubsib reminds him of that isn’t a good thing to Gene remember, he doesn’t want to end up like BL characters because he thinks there’s no substance, no truth, just toxicity with that situation so it’s something he panics about that it’s ironic because he’s essentially falling for someone and playing out a BL trope. 

BL: The pressure of transformation and authenticity 

Another thing meta about this show is the inclusion and mirroring of Bad Engineer the series. I mentioned in my previous essay whilst Bad Engineer is another meta call out to the industry it also could play a role as a shadowing device to show you similarities and differences between Nubsib and Aey the actors who play Kin and Bun the caricatures and characters that are exaggerated. It kind of exposes the thoughts and ideas about these two in an interesting way. Let me explain.  Bad engineer starts of with Bun being forced to get the attention of Kinn who is aggressive and seen as wanted and powerful but too scary to go near to. After he hugs Kin we already are hinted from Nubsib’s audition line that Kin could not let go of the mark Bun left on him and becomes essentially obsessive and controlling over Bun wanting to be with Bun. Okay first of all it’s already calling out and exaggerating the obsession that Nubsib seems to have for Gene, he would go to lengths to hide who he is, make up excuses to be near him and hide his power and privilege (by lying he’s poor, and about his housing situation essentially lying about the power he probably does hold over people) which is why his exact words he says to Gene in the audition is foreshadowing, he knows who Gene is before, he’s been affected by whoever Gene was to him in the past and he’s in love with him. Just like Kin proceeds become hooked onto Bun.  

 What’s really funny is that Aey is playing a character that is very vulnerable and gentle and sweet, like what is normally perceived as a typical feminine uke stereotype. It’s interesting because its because he gives of this vibes that he was chosen for this audition, but also in reality he’s wearing a mask to act like this to Gene and everyone around him especially the vulnerable act, where he makes you feel guilty for being in his way or making you feel pitiful for how he’s treated by Nubsib. The fact that Tawan (played by Mhok in the series) is a second lead in bad engineer the series and Mhok is essentially in the second lead role for Aey, he’s the one behind the scenes unrequitedly loving and caring and worrying about the main lead but is always neglected or pushed aside for the other main which is mirroring how Aey isn’t seeing how Mhok cares for him (he gets so jealous if you notice whenever he has to see Aey and Nubsib together) and is pushing him away to focus on his hunt for fame by getting Nubsib’s attention.

Nubsib has a different type of similarity with Kin. It’s how people perceive him that’s similar to how Kin is on the surface, but also Kinn is an exaggerated character, who is toxic and Nubsib as finally shown isn’t going to be toxic or problematic because the writers don’t want him to be that way. For some reason Kin is filled with anger and is aggressive and loud, Nubsib isn’t as angry as Kin but he also expresses his distaste of things when it doesn’t go his way with anger and tantrums to Tum especially because he’s a spoilt child. Kin is possessive, aggressive and obsessive and even though Nubsib isn’t like that in a large scale, he has some of those traits, he is possessive with Gene, and protective and jealous easily when it comes to him thinking something is in the way. Kin is a trope, he’s written to make fun of semes in BLs like Fighter from WhyRU, someone seen as cold and indifferent to people who is meant to be seen as rough and mean, rich, but then the story unveils a softer side when he’s with his partner later. Or Kin also reminds of toxic Kdrama male characters (its not just BL this trope is used), like Gu Jun Pyo from boys over flowers who is just like Kin because he’s rich and spoilt. The reason why Kin and Nubsib is similar is because is that Kin likes to get what he wants, he’s just as invasive, he’s forceful (though as mentioned Nubsib isn’t as problematic with this as Kin), he’s just as determined to do what it takes to get his partner. Both portray this demenour around them where they are not meant to be messed with. 

And I think that’s important about Nubsib, there’s some kind of power and control he has that makes people not mess around with him when  Gene is not in front of him, he doesn’t try to be nice or kind as he does when he’s with Gene. Things that they don’t have in common is that for Gene, Nubsib is the opposite, he’s gentle to Gene, because he’s determined to a better person to him, he’s manipulative but he’s not forceful or aggressive towards him, although he wears a mask, he’s actually authentically automatically the way he is with Gene as we have seen in both episodes. Gene transforms him; he makes him kind, caring and sweet. Gene is a prized person to him; so valuable and worthy that he doesn’t even think he’s worthy as he is for him hence why he chooses to be better with him,  he doesn’t see Gene as less than him but the others he does which is something that does need to be worked on. But if he is spoilt and privilege, if he’s been so used to people treating him this way then I can see why he can be this way. So Kin and Nubsib’s character calls out Nubsib’s flaws and Aey and Bun’s character also show what Aey wants people to view him as on the surface and Mhok and Tawan are mirroring the same roles. 

Bad engineer being written by Gene is so funny to me since all he does is like complain how much he hates everything to do with tropes like it, so there must be some kind of shame inside him for him writing it to remove pressure from his company even though he doesn’t want BL to mean that. It also again shadows Hin’s desperation as Hin takes on his own BL novel, because Gene must have been so desperate when he first wrote it because he was writing it just to also please people and be noticed as a writer more.

Lovely Writer is it obvious despite my late releases of my analysis that I am obsessed and I have high respect and love for this show? The fact that there is problematic worries in the storyline, there are flawed characters and action in the plot, but they’re so real and human. The fact that this show talks about BL, and is trying to make fun of it, call it out but then the characters in it are also falling into some of its tropes and ideas. But it does show that with love sometimes people do get into these situations even though it’s seen as problematic or weird, but it’s dealing with sexual attraction, showing instant connections and portraying passion, sometimes when people are into someone you can get crazy, possessive, sometimes you may even want to be with that person all the time. It’s really important that the show is drawing a line between what is toxic and what is not, what is romantic and what is not, the authenticity of romance vs the idealism of romance in tv shows and  books. The fact that Gene and Nubsib are falling in love with each other and are going to go through a lot together I think shows me that at the end I will also think they’re meant to be together, they’re like a realistic couple falling in love. Gene feels real to me. Nubsib feels human to me even though we’re uncovering his personality. All of the characters feel real and dimensional to me. It’s something I love about the show, it just feels so real despite being literally a BL that’s making fun of how unrealistic BLs are, it’s so real, it’s so meta, it’s so important and I really think it’s needed in this genre, and industry. I think it’s such a great, great show. I love Tee, because he’s good at directing these layered, meta, deep shows always able to provide reasons for why the story is the way it is, what its trying to show, why the characters are the way they are and make mistakes, there’s so much depth to his stories and the things he chooses to focus each time he does a show. In a way Gene’s character development and growth is so important to me because to him the BL industry and genre is bad, and the show seems like that’s what its message is as well, because that’s what his perception seems to portray only, as Gene falls for Nubsib who is literally like a trope that reminds him of the stories he seems to hate (especially when he discovers his inauthenticity) ,  as he falls in love and finds out more about his relationship, his sexuality, his identity as he starts to realise how BL should be written, why it should be created, that there can be authentic love stories in BL,  he can change what BL represents for people like him. I just think its fantastic to see him with a negative perception on writing BL to finally understanding why it should be written but it should be written in a different way, or changed to fit a different way, instead of letting corruption happen he shouldn’t give in but should try and change. He may be making fun of the fact that BL is known for its weird tropes like NC, but NC is real its just attraction between two people, as long as its not toxified or problematic its just another way people can show feelings, there’s so many het series that have NC scenes but when it comes to BL its seen as a fetish or something negative when really if done right its just two people being like normal couple and giving into their affections for each other. Yeah I think this is amazing to talk about and portray. This is one of my favourite shows right now, and I’m so eager about where we’re going with this. Because I just love the layers, the message and the story.

#lovely writer #lovely writer the series #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #nubsib #cwg #nubsibgene #march #kaoup

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse: Max’s Embarrassing Date Review

Hello House Mouses and welcome back to the house of mouse. Another comission by Kev and my second House of Mouse for the valentine’s season. This time we’re not tackling a Valentine’s Episode necesarily, but a romantic one all the same as fan faviorite couple Max and Roxanne finally go on a date.  I always liked Max. Even as a kid when I wasn’t the biggest fan of “A Goofy Movie”, didn’t like the darker patches like the principals office scene or the Pete Hot tub scene.. though in hindsight both had legit greviances with Max... it just dosen’t make either less terrible as the principal still told an innocnet man who wasn’t responsible for what his kid did and was trying his best that his son was going to become a crminal because of one stupid but mostly harmless prank, and Pete.. is just an abusive, unlikeable and unlovable ass in both Goof Troop and Goofy Movie, and I hate how he treats his son, don’t blame his wife for leaving him or taking their daughter and dog, and am really sad he got custody of PJ somehow. And for the record this isn’t ALL petes, just this version. The rest are fine and just the right level of asshole. 

Point is despite my problems with the first film, I had none with the second and even now I like it due to having some really good ideas and concepts while also being gloirously rediclous due to the loveably dated X-Games element. While I do have a spot in my heart for the Dana Hill and Shaun Fleming versions, especially the latter once upon a christmas is awesome, Jason Marsden’s version is the best by the mile having the right amount of ego mixed with self doubt to make him likeable enough to brook him being an ass to his dad a lot. He’s a good character.. and it baffles me Disney NEVER uses him nowadays. No really, the last time he showed up was in twice upon a christmas and no one liked that because he was dating someone who wasn’t Roxanne just to rehash the same plot they’d already rehashed better in Extremley Goofy Movie. I REALLY need to rewatch that one. Hmm.... gonna see if I can squeeze that one into May or later in April. That’s for another time. 

But yeah while he’s at one of the disney parks, that’s it. The character just .. vanished, and hasn’t been brought back in any way shape or form. Though I could see either a Disney Plus reboot of goof troop or a goofy movie with max having his own kids. That could be intresting. Also bring Roxanne back as weirdly this episode i’m reviewing, a goofy movie and now her ducktales cameo are her ONLY apperances. 

Seriously I get she’s not the most fleshed out.. but then flesh her out. Like Max she’s crminally underused and while I get her absence as a character in the sequel, the plot really didn’t need her, he still could’ve been dating her off screen. Though clearly the two worked things out and tried again as this episode came out AFTER extremely did. But did this episode work out? Join me under the cut to find out. 

As i’ve decided is my standard for House of Mouse Episodes, shorts first, then wraparound, then Mickey Mouse live sex celebration. Though I will say i’ve picked up there are two kinds of formats for the show: They either use two of the longer Mouseworks shorts or just one close to 11 minute short, a medium one, and one of the little two minute segments. There might be a break from this in the future, we shall see but for now those ar ethe two standards. This time we have two longer shorts. 

Pluto’s Penthouse Sweet: 

I’ve mentioned in the past I dont’ really get why Pluto is part of Disney’s sensational six along with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy and Daisy. And I stand by that: While he’s had his own cartoons they just aren’t as entertaining and creative as MIckey’s or hilarous and relatable as Donald and Goofy’s. He’s just an average cartoon dog. He works fine in tandem with Mickey, but on his own he’s just nothing and his spot should be taken by pete, who while not a goodie all the time, again the goof troop version needs to step on a rake and fall into a well.. somehow. i didn’t think my insult through. Point is pete is better.  And this short isn’t BAD .. but to me it’s what some fans THINK the disney shorts are: Bland, maybe one or two good jokes but almost nothing new or intresting. As I found out last year, that’s far from the case, as a lot of the Donald shorts are still hilarious today and a lot of the mickey shorts are shockingly creative, like Thru The Mirorr where he goes .. well thru the mirror into a wonderland like world where all the inanaimate objects are alive and he can shrink and what not via astral projection, or Mickey’s Mechanical Man, which I sadly didn’t know about when I did the MIckey Birthday Special and for some reason isn’t on disne plus. In it Mickey creates a robot and has it box a monsterous looking gorillia. 

How has Mickey piloting this thing but giant sized against various kaiju been a thing yet? And if it has someone tell me. Seriously with all the comics and animated series how. I’d even settle for a Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse episode. Just bring this guy back. Point is there was far more invetnion than it seemed.. at least at first as it slowly died out as they went by the late 50′s. But Pluto just seemed even in their hayday like your standard pet gets into antics thing without the creative slapstick of tom and jerry or the likeablity of sylvester who never could get that asshole Tweety Bird. This is just weak sauce and whiel I could forgive the older shorts, as their from another time and likely lead to say Tom and Jerry... I can’t forgive this which was made probably in 1998 and released in 1999 originally. Comedy had evolved a LOT by that point and unlike the Goofy how to shorts, which are a format that is immortal and still evolved to match the times and felt fresh, these just feel stale and boring and like the last Pluto short I covered this one was a chore to sit through though not nearly AS bad. 

Still though the premise is about the same, Pluto’s left to his own devices, and finds a female dog, though in this case she’s VERY intrested in him. I”m also not entirley convinced she’s a dog, but instead one of Jumba’s experiments and that Lilo and Stitch later had to journey to.. wherever these shorts take place to fetch him. Or more likely the house of mouse. I mean Proud Family, Recess, American Dragon Jake Long and Kim Possible all take place int hat universe, why can’t house of mouse? Also tell me you wouldn’t watch an avengers style team consisting of Kim, Ron, Jake, Penny, Probably TJ, Lilo, Stitch and Donald Duck. If you wouldn’t i’d call you a liar because you would be. 

Seriously the eyes give her away.... just look at them. Very experimenty. But before Pluto can do it like they do on the discovery channel he has to get past the guard dog.. though how he does produces the one great gag of the short, as he BUILDS A GIANT, TROJAN HORSE ESQUE PLUTO OUT OF JUNK. Just holy shit that’s awesome> It gets him inside, only for him to find his lady friend is a bit TOO affectionate and he has to escape, he does so, and MIckey wonders if he missed him etc lame button. This short was a vacuum of comedy outside of GIANT PLUTO. Seriously where’s my disney giant mecha series. YOu have five main characters, and Pluto among with MANY, MANY side characters, frmo scrooge to the boys to hopefully Della, to even possibly pete and mortimer who could have their own mech against the heroes but maybe join them in the last episode. Maybe max and pj could have some, have a father vs son thing with PJ and Pete. I”m just saying, i’d watch it. I know my nieces would watch it. I know my nephews would watch it. Greenlight it. Or i’ll make it.. somehow. 

How to Ride a Bike: Speaking of the How To Shorts, as usual for the House of Mouse era ones.. this was awesome, pretty much what you’d expect, some goofy, pardon the pun, gags about goofy riding a bike and then a fun climax of him in a bike race. Not a ton to add, other than that hamster bike above is genius. Just needs some tweaking. Really funny, really simple, and really good as you’d expect from a good Goofy Short. Easily the best part of the episode. 

Max’s Embarrassing Date: So this was a disapointment. Like i’d try to be nice.. but I had high hopes given this brought Roxanne back, and while the premise was stock maybe they’d do something funny with with it. 

But no the plot is pretty standard, very predictable and fairly obnoxious. Max has a date with Roxanne, and is playing it cool and what not, but is worried his dad will find out.. which he somehow did offscreen. Probably Clarabelle.. I mean they do go out sometimes in this one, wouldn’t surprise me. 

So Max pleads with the rest of the HOM staff to keep him away because he fears his dad will overdo things, which.. is fair and one of the few things I like> He dosen’t want him to overdo it on the mood because this is well.. a first date. He dosen’t want to pressure her or himself and just wants it to be nice and calm. The problem is it’s framed like him once again being embarassed by his dad and having to learn better.

At this point we’d had TWO movies do this already, one of which was only two years old at the time of this episode. This plot is stale as old toast even if it dind’t have goofy in it. And the twist is predictable: the HOM crew end up also overdoing it: Minnie comments on how cute they are and wants candles brought, Daisy gets them a bigger table forgetting how dates work,t hough we do get a great gag of hte 7 dwarves stacked, and Mickey while having .. some.. gopher? I honestly can’t tell who it was, usually i’m better at the cameos. Speaking of which they also have a runner of beast going on a date with Cruella Devile. 

I mean is he cheating on his wife? Is she holding his wife hostage? Is this before belle because we see a post transfomratoin beast too so maybe the House of Mouse is an intersection of space and time? That’s.. actually the most resonable answer I can think of honestly and when i’m focusing more on how the hell your gag works than how funny it is, you clearly failed somewhere along the line. 

Point is Mickey puts his good friend in a pothole, and not only calls max little max, which while an understnadably close family thing to do is still embarassing, but also takes pictures while their eating the spagetthi.. which i’m 100% sure was Huey’s idea nad had Mickey not interrupted, would’ve been tied up down the middle for a lady and the tramp thing. It’s his signature move. Well that and having a panic attack. That’s also one of mine the others being lettterkenny refrences and sex jokes about disney characters.  But yeah this just.. dosen’t work. Them being as embarassing? that’d be fine.. if they weren’t wholly unsympathetic for not only keeping their friend from WELL INTEITONEDLY trying to help his son on his date, something his son shold have no problem with since ROXANNE’S MET HIM. AND IS FINE WITH HIM. AND NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU BEING HIS SON LIKE THE DICKHEADS AT SCHOOL. MINUS BOBBY WHO YOUR FRIENDS WITH FOR SOME REASON. My point is this plot bothers me a lot, and it makes the mickey crew come off like assholes for doing this to thier friend instead of just talking to him like a person. Especially since only ONE of them is a parent and Conviently donald is mostly absent. Likely because he realized this was going to end badly and just agreed to tie the spagetthi like huey taught him to keep his involvment in this shit show and gaslighting his best friend to a minimum. 

Eventually Mickey takes things a step too far and has Sebastian almost sing kiss the girl. Max cuts him off though yelling that he just wants them to back off, he just wants them to relax and he TOLD them this, which makes them come off worse as they KNEW he didn’t want this and did it anyway and never apologize becaue apparently the first rule of house of mouse is never apologize for anything, huh huh. Goofy naturally steps in, tells them off and agrees to serve them and Roxanne finds him entertaining and gives him a nose kiss for being a good dad. He’s a good guy that Goof.  Roxanne then whispers something in max’s ear at the end of the date... which gives him an audible erection. No really. And given his age is vauge here I’m suddenly super duper uncomfortable so let’s move on. 

So max tells them she liked it and wants to come back.. 100% sure that wasn’t what she said but what she said isn’t fit to print and you’ve seen what i’ve said and what I put in the we’ll be right back. Point is he’s happy, though Mickey says we’ll try to make it extra special next time. Mickey.. did you do a space mountain’s worth of pills and cokea nd just forget the entire evening? Did you take some of those hangover roofies/ Why would you do that? Was that pete’s new plan to steal the house of mouse? To drug you guys and make you forget you already paid the rent? Did PJ stop him? Inquiring me wants to know. 

Final Thoughts: Yeah this wasn’t a very good episode. Roxanne is wasted despite having a suitable replacment Roxanne voice in Grey Delise, with no real depth just to rehash the plot of the first and second goofy movies. And this one didn’t have an inexpilicable beatnik cafe, PJ getting laid and finally being happy for once, a standard college fraternity plot  surgeically infused with an out of nowhere obession with xtreme sports that was nowhere in the first film, Goofy in an afro, Goofy finding love, That disco sequence, and a climax in which Goofy carries Brad Garret out of a fire, then Brad Garret probably kills the villian of the film who certainly deserved it. My points are this episode was an underwhelming rehash only saved by some good shippy moments and a good goofy short. It was weak, not all that funny, and not all that intersting.  My other point is that an extremley goofy movie is awesome and also kinda insane and I love it for that. I’m glad I saw this one but i’m really disapointed in how bleh it was. Next time I visit the house of mouse is.. actually in a few days as Pete Does a One Man Show. So yeah already 100% better just by having THAT musical number in it, see you then and if not, there’s always another rainbow. 

#house of mouse #max goof #roxanne #the goofy movie #max x roxanne #goofy goof #goofy #donald duck #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #daisy duck #cruella de vil #beast #disney #comissions

[lunacrow-writes]

Brotherly Love- Obey Me

Words-1854

It wasn’t a secret that the brothers picked on Mammon the most. They called him terrible names often. Names like scum, waste of space and air, and other horrific names. Yeah, he was a demon and could probably take it but after a while it has to get tiring or start to affect someone. Right? Being called the same thing over and over again, daily, not to mention by your own brothers. 

MC had gotten tired of it. Day in and day out, the same names were tossed at Mammon. He breathed the wrong way and he would get called a waste of air. He’d get called scumbag, worthless and useless. They were sick of it. It was the last straw when Leviathan had told Mammon to go die for the 5th time this week at dinner.

“That's it. I can’t take it anymore. Send me home or to a different dorm. I can’t take this fucking nagging and bulling of Mammon. You’re his brothers for pete's sake! I get you’re all demons and can probably take it but after a while its gonna start hurting. It's bothering the shit out of me. I brushed it off long enough. If you call him scum for liking money and everything that makes him who he is, then you’re telling him its wrong to be himself. If you attack him for being the Avatar of Greed, then attack Lucifer for being prideful. Attack Asmo for being horny all the goddamn time.“ MC stood up, knocking their chair over. “Every time you call him names, I’m going to fire one right back. Don’t expect me to respect someone who doesn’t respect someone who is being themselves. 

Everyone went silent and stared at me. Mammon looked at me with wide eyes, a slight smile on his face. His brother glanced at me before looking around at each other with amused looks. They bursted out laughing.

“Sweetie, like you said we’re demons. He can handle what we throw at him,” Asmodeus managed to get out while laughing.

“Demons don’t need to have sex everynight like a whore.” MC spat. Their blood pressure was rising every second. Asmodeus stared wide eyed at MC, hurt across his face. MC simply raised an eyebrow. 

“That hurt, didn’t it? I attacked you for who you are. For being the Avatar of Lust.”

“It’s not like its getting to Mammon!” Belphie stated. 

“At least he knows what day it is unlike you who probably doesn’t know cause you sleep most of the days away. Do you even attend school? Do you know what 2 plus 2 is, Belphie?” That caused the sleepy demon to stop and look over at MC with narrowed eyes. 

The rest of the brothers were slowing their laughter. This hurt MC to do. It wasn’t right to do to them what they were trying to get them to stop doing to Mammon. But it was proving a point. The next victim was poor Beelzebub.

“Beelzebub, we need the food for dinners. So unless you plan to take up gardening, stop eating all the fucking food. Your demon form may shape up your body but it doesn’t help with your actual one.” Beelzebub put down his fork to cover his stomach.

“Leviathan, maybe, just maybe, if you stopped acting like a weirdo you could actually get a real life girlfriend instead of having to jerk off to fictional characters.”  Leviathan scoffed, looking off to the side.

“Satan, get over your fucking daddy issues with Lucifer. Just because he looks out for you and thinks you’re capable of great things doesn’t mean he is pushing you to be like him. You are your own person. He can’t change that so get fucking over it. Being angry and bitch isn’t a personality trait.” 

Satan glared. His blue eyes filled with anger and annoyance. “Lucifer isn’t my father.”

“Moving on, last but not least. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer. Stop being a fucking prick. Just because you are stressed and frustrated because of everything Diavolo has you doing, doesn’t mean you can take it out on your brothers. Get your head out of Diavolo’s ass and start making decisions for yourself. I know everything that happened with Lilith. It's kind of hard to disobey him because you swore loyalty to him. But taking your anger and frustrations out on your brothers doesn’t help. You’re acting more like a wimp than facing your problems and feelings.” Lucifer sat back in his chair, offended but curious to see what was going to happen.

MC looked at Mammon who was staring at them, He looked nervous to see what they were going to say.

“Mammon, is it getting to you? You can be honest.” His eyes shot down to his plate. One by one the brothers looked over and waited for his response. The air was tense. It was silent till a small sniffle broke it. Just as it broke MC’s heart. MC walked around the table and pulled Mammon into a hug. He latched onto them, burying his head into their shoulder.

“It didn’t hurt at first but then it seemed to get worse. I put up with it because I figured if I mentioned something to them It would get worse. I am the second strongest of the sins, I should be able to take it.” MC could feel small tears hit their shirt. 

The room was silent so everyone heard his comment. Beel and Belphie looked at each other and then Mammon. Leviathan was staring at his plate, eyebrows scrunched together in thought. Asmo and Satan were staring dead at Mammon with contemplation in their eyes. Lucifer looked everywhere but at his brother. 

Mammon pulled away and wiped his eyes. “But don’t you worry, human. There is nothing that can stop THE Great Mammon. Not even comments from these losers who just got roasted.” MC laughed. 

A chair was shoved back and Asmo stood up, walking over to them. He gently moved MC out of the way before placing his hands on Mammon’s shoulders.

“I'm proud to call THE Great Mammon my older brother. I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t be yourself without being hassled.” Asmo pulled Mammon into a hug. The white haired demon held up his hands in shock.

“I think this is the first time we’ve hugged, Asmo. I'm scared of what diseases I may get from this.” He commented.

“I’m hugging you. You’re not reciprocating it. AND NONE! I don't have any!” MC grabbed Mammon’s hands and placed them on Asmo’s back. The two hugged for a moment before pulling away. “I’ll try to keep the harsh comments back. Unless you’ve touched something of mine. If that’s the case, I will skin you alive.” 

Satan stood up and walked over, taking Asmo’s place. The Avatar of Lust stood by MC. The two brothers stared at each other. Satan sighed, looking over at MC before back at Mammon. 

“Look, Mammon. I don’t mean the things I say. I’m not good with emotions or words. I know you guys tried to make me not all wrath and anger but those are the only emotions i'm good at showing. I’m working on the others but just know, I-I-” Satan cleared his throat. “I love you, brother. Okay? You can be greedy and money grubbing to an extent. Just don’t touch my books okay?”

Mammon laughed. “Don’t go soft on us, Satan.” That earned him a punch in the arm. “I’m joking, gosh. I love you too, Lil bro.”

 Beelzebub was next up in the family bonding moment. He just walked up and picked Mammon up in a bone breaking, bear hug. “Even though you eat my food. I still love you.” Mammon’s face was growing red the more time he went without air.

“Love you- I can’t breathe. Beel, put me down!” Beelzebub dropped Mammon. He started gasping in air, coughing like a mad man. Belphie walked over and stood quietly in front of Mammon, staring at the ground. We all waited to see what he was going to do or say. The tsundere boy was silent for a moment. A hand lifted up to wipe his face as he looked up at Mammon. 

“Mammon...I know we tell you to go die often...Please don’t. I don’t think I could handle losing another sibling.” Belphie shuddered for a moment as he drew in a shaky breath. He looked up at his older brother. “I would feel like it's my fault and I couldn’t forgive myself for not being able to save another one of my siblings. Please stay with us.”  

Mammon was the one to initiate this hug. He pulled his younger brother into a hug. “I won’t, Belphie. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”  Belphie latched onto his brother’s shirt. They hugged for a few more seconds before pulling away. Two more brothers. They both hadn’t moved from their positions.

“I’m sorry,” Was all Leviathan said. Mammon looked at his younger brother. “I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry. I know we don’t deserve forgiveness this easily. I hope over time as  we loosen up on the words, you can forgive us.”

Mammon set a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Thank you.” 

Last but not least...Lucifer.

We all stared at the eldest. He clicked his tongue and looked at Mammon. 

“I have a pile of bills on my desk addressed to you. A pile of complaints about you. I have people contacting me asking for you cause they’re angry.” Mammon looked down at the ground. In the split second before he looked up, Lucifer got out of his chair and hugged Mammon. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about or love you any less.” MC smiled at the two.

Mammon froze in place. This time Asmo was the one to fix Mammon’s hands. The other brother’s let them hug for a moment before screaming “family hug” and practically tackling them. Beelzebub had to pull Levi in the hug. The seven of them laughed as they embraced. Lucifer rubbed Mammon and Beelzebub’s hair affectionately, messing it up. 

“Hey! Not the hair!” Mammon said, reaching up to fix the mess. 

Asmodues stood on his tiptoes, reaching in front of Mammon, towards Lucifer. They all watched as Asmo’s hand just barely reached the top of Lucifer’s head. He struggled to ruffle it. Beelzebub chuckled, grabbing Asmodeus by the waist, lifting him up so he can reach better. The other laughed as Amso squeaked at the sudden elevation change. Asmodues smirked and started ruffling his older brother’s hair. Lucifer looked at his younger brother, smiling with a raised eyebrow. 

MC watched beside them, smiling at the siblings. 

Satan and Belphie pulled back one arm and extended it towards MC. 

“You’re part of the family now too.” The Avatar of Wrath said. 

“I just roasted all of you except Mammon and you consider me family.” They all nodded.

“If you couldn’t do that then what kind of person are you. Those were pretty good comments though,” Leviathan spoke up. MC jogged forward and joined the hug. Feeling the warmth of everyone surrounding them.

This is their family now and no one could take that away.

#Obey me #obey me: shall we date #obey me mammon #Mammon #obey me satan #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me leviathan #obey me levi

[awhitehead17]

Universal Signs

Chapter 19 / Previous Chapter 

Also on AO3

Enjoy! :D 

Kon knew to expect a lot of things when facing against the League of Assassins. He knew what he was getting into when he decided to rescue Tim from the Demon’s Head and disobey orders by leaving Krypton but he never expected this.

He stares at the two familiar figures in front of him. Both of which he hasn’t seen in a long time nor has even thought about.

Match and Thad.

Match is a half clone of Kon. The idea of cloning had originally been the leader’s idea, something about saving lives and helping to replicate organs. From what Kon knows, they had begun the experiment by replicating full Kryptonian’s to make sure everything could be fully functional before moving onto individual organs themselves. Kon never understood it and he never looked further into it.

Match was the first and last experiment Krypton conducted. Kon’s DNA had been taken and used to create Match after Kal offered it up. Kon of course was furious after he found out but once he calmed down the idea of having a sort of brother excited him. However the cloning didn’t go to plan, Match once he was created, went berserk and became unstable and to deal with it the leader’s chose to terminate him. Or at least that’s what Kon had thought.

Thad’s and Bart’s situation is the exact same. They used Bart’s DNA on Keystone to make Thad and it didn’t go to plan. Like Match, they thought Thad had also been terminated. Obviously not.

How they ended up with the League Kon has no clue but the major fact is that they are and they’re now standing in the way of the ship that’ll get them free. Next to him, Kon could hear Tim’s confusion as he questions their sudden appearance and he could feel both Bart’s and Cassie’s shock at this revelation.

At the sign of an oncoming fight, Kon automatically drops down into a defensive position, besides him his teammates do the same. He stares at the clones defiantly. “Don’t get so full of yourselves, you couldn’t beat us last time and this time will be no different.”

“Well, we’ll just see about that won’t we?”

Knowing what’s about to happen, Kon glances over at Tim who’s stood there wide-eyed staring at the pair opposite them. He’s seems to be shocked and unsure on what to do and Kon knows that he needs to get away as soon as possible. He’s hurt so he wouldn’t be effective in a fight and also because he’s the one they want.

Kon turns to look behind him where Kara and M’gann are positioned, both standing defensively waiting for the upcoming fight that’s about to happen. He shakes his head. “The both of you get Tim to the ship, we’ll take care of these two.”

They go to respond but Tim speaks up instead. The human turns to the assassin mixed within the group. “Pru do you have a lab on the ship, a laboratory of some kind? I have an idea.”

Before Kon could question what he was on about, and before he could hear Pru’s response, a shout from in front of him gets his attention. “Enough! Time to end this!”

From there his mind is taken off Tim because he’s suddenly dodging punches and kicks from his very own clone. He side steps and ducks various of times before starting to push back, however he finds he’s not as powerful as he should be. His punches aren’t having as big as an impact as they should each time they hit, and it’s only when a foot collides with his stomach which knocks him to the ground that he understands why.

Kryptonite. It’s because of the kryptonite that he had been injected with earlier, it’s still in his system and is now affecting his abilities to fight, it’s making him weaker than normal.

A punch to his head snaps his attention back to the moment. Match is now above him, raining down an assault of punches which Kon could barely defend himself against.

“We were discarded from our home!” The clone shouts at him. He grabs the front of Kon’s shirt, lifts him up from the ground only to slam him back down with a great deal of force which knocks the breath out of him. “We would have been better off being killed. But no, the leader’s shoved us both into a pod and shot us into space without any hesitation, with no regards to what would happen to us. We were abandoned, left to defend ourselves with no where to go!”

Kon tries to shove him off but without his super strength to challenge Match’s, he’s left squirming on the ground trying to gain any sort of leverage to use against him. His attempts go ignored.

“But then he found us. He realised what protentional we had and took us in, gave us training and then a purpose. He saved us. In return all we had to do was pledge our alliance and serve every command given. And what a ride it’s been.”

If he weren’t trying to break out of the hold Match has on him, Kon would be more invested in the story, however he is trying to break free and wasn’t doing very well at it. Match just seems to be putting more and more pressure on his chest which in return makes it increasingly more difficult to shake him off.

Then suddenly the weight disappears off him and Kon blinks to find that Cassie had tackled Match off of him. He takes a moment to breathe as he watches the two of them grapple with one another next to him. They trade blow after blow but Kon could see that he’s beginning to overpower her with each one.

It also hits him that Cassie is too depowered like him. The Demon’s Head had forced some kind of enchanted bracelets on her meaning she doesn’t have access to her abilities.

With that in mind Kon scrambles to his feet and also tackles Match back down to the ground. They wrestle for a moment but try as he might Match gets the upper hand once again ends up on top of Kon, pining him down to the floor.

Kon struggles underneath him and prepares himself for a punch that’s coming when Match raises his fist, however it never comes. Kon stares in bewilderment as it appears that Match is frozen above him. He could see the fear and confusion in Match’s eyes but doesn’t dwell on it, instead he takes the opportunity given and slams his own fist against the clone’s head effectively knocking him off Kon and onto the ground. Kon quickly follows through to grab his head and slam it to the ground to knock out the cloned Kryptonian. He ceases the action as soon as he feels the body go limp in hands.

Now Match is no longer a threat Kon’s eyes dart around looking at the scene. What he notices first is M’gann. The Martian is stood off to the side and has her back to him with a hand stretched out towards the other side of the room. His eyes drift in that direction and he sees a mirror image of what just happened with him and Match.

Bart had been fighting with Thad in motions that were nothing but a blur. That had been the case until Thad suddenly freezes, as if a force had suddenly grabbed hold of him and stopped him. Bart takes the opportunity to knock him out and Thad hits the ground with a heavy thump.

So the freezing had been because of M’gann, his mind rationalises. The Martian had used her telekinetic abilities to freeze their opponents providing the perfect advantage over them.

Kon climbs to his feet, wincing as he does so because everybody part is suddenly protesting at moving, and walks over to M’gann. He stands by her as Bart also makes his way over. “Not that your help is appreciated but what are you doing here? Where’s Tim? Why aren’t you with him?”

M’gann sends him a look, one that tells him she isn’t impressed with his clipped tone but she apparently lets it slide. She answers his question as she observes their surroundings. “I had been with him, however he sent me forward to prepare the ship so when he arrives we can immediately leave. He has a plan and Kara is currently with him. The human was on about making explosions before we leave.”

Kon blinks at her wondering if he heard her right. Perhaps Match had knocked him harder in the head than he thought. Did she just say Tim was planning on making explosions?

“Why didn’t you take him to the ship!” Kon exclaims. It was a simple enough task so why didn’t it happen?

M’gann doesn’t provide him with an answer, instead she glares at him before walking away towards one of the ships parked nearby. Deciding not to engage further with the Martian Kon turns to his team instead, checking them over and seeing if they’re alright.

Bart’s staring at Thad’s unconscious body as he speaks up. “What should we do with them? Leave them behind or take them with us?”

Kon’s instinctive response is to say that they should take the clones with them but he stops himself from voicing that opinion. What should they do? Recalling what Match had told him during their scuffle, the leaders clearly didn’t want them around. Could there be a way to compromise? As much as there is bad history between them, Kon doesn’t think being with the League of Assassin’s is anything good. Anywhere but here would be better despite what’s happened in the past.

He sighs and looks over at the unconscious bodies and the ship M’gann went to. “We’ll take them with us. We can deal with them properly on Krypton, anywhere other than here is better. We’ll keep them restrained until we return to the planet.”

Cassie and Bart both wordlessly nod at that. While they don’t voice any protest against the idea, Kon doesn’t know if they actually agree with it or not.

He makes a move towards Match’s body when Cassie speaks up, but not about the clones. “Kon we need to get our remotes, that’s if the Demon’s Head hasn’t already found them.” Letting out a curse Kon turns back around to face his teammate. He had completely forgotten about those. “We can’t risk leaving them behind.”

“I know,” Kon says thinking through ways they could try and find the remotes to get them back. It’s a long shot that they haven’t been found yet but they can’t leave them here. After a moment of thinking Kon gets an idea and turns to Bart. “Bart, can you search through the ships for our translator remotes and Tim’s too? You can use your speed to whip through different ones.”

Bart eyes widen before they narrow. The Speedster crosses his arms over his chest and scowls. “There are thousands of ships here Kon, how am I supposed to search through all of them? And without getting caught? I’m fast, but I’m not fast.”

Cassie responds to him before Kon gets too. “I know the rough location of the ship that we arrived on. Unlike Kon, I was partially awake when we arrived. If I give you an area do you think you can search there? I also remember where I hid the remotes to begin with.”

Bart’s glares softens at Cassie’s suggestion. A moment later he nods and listens closely as she describes the location of where the ship is parked. Then without any warnings he’s disappears in a blink of an eye.

Knowing that there isn’t a lot else he can do, Kon continues to move towards Match’s body. He picks his clone up off the floor and carries him over his shoulder’s, making sure he has a tight grip on him. He grits his teeth at the additional weight, normally he wouldn’t have any trouble but since he’s without his super strength it’s a little harder than usual.

Once he’s stable, Kon turns and heads for the same ship M’gann had disappeared too earlier. He has to admit, while her appearance was certainly unexpected it’s extremely appreciated because she really has helped them out so much since being involved.

As he gets closer to the ship he inspects it. It looks like all of the other ones surrounding them, black, smooth curved edges with hidden latches on the side. If Kon didn’t know better he would have assumed this is simply another one of the League’s ship, however he does know better and is informed that this is M’gann’s bioship.

It’s currently disguised to appear as one of the League’s ships. Just like the Martian is able to, the ship can shapeshift. This also contributes as another reason to why having her here is appreciated.

When Kon reaches the ramp a loud rumble could be heard throughout the docking bay. The sound is quickly followed by sudden shaking that unbalances him and with the additional weight he’s carrying Kon couldn’t keep his balance and falls to the floor, landing in a heap underneath Match’s unconscious body.  

Kon grunts and pushes Match off of him and frantically looks around until he sees Cassie who is also on the floor underneath Thad’s body.

“Cassie?”

She looks up at him, her eyes wide in question. “Kon what’s going on? What’s happening? We need to get out of here!”

A second rumble sounds out which is followed by more shaking. Moments later alarms begin to blare out around them and flashing red lights appear. Something major is happening, whatever those rumbles are, they’re causing the ships warning systems to go off like they’re about to prepare for battle.

“That’s Tim!” M’gann’s unexpected exclamation makes Kon look up at the ramp where she’s stood. “He’s creating miniature explosions to go off around the ship as he and the others work their way back here. Now get inside the ship so we can go once they arrive!”

“Creating what?” Kon asks completely bewildered. How is he creating explosions inside a ship full of assassins? Could that be where he disappeared off to earlier?

Knowing he isn’t going to get answer by thinking about it, Kon shoves it out of his mind for the time being, he’ll have to question Tim when he sees him. For now he climbs back up to his feet, having to steady himself when a third explosion happens, and lifts Match’s body over his shoulders. With great effort he carries the clone onto the ship. Cassie isn’t too far behind him carrying Thad.

It’s once they deposit the clones down in a cornered off cell on the ship that Bart makes a reappearance. He blurs to a stop in front of them within the cockpit looking frantic and confused. “What is going on? There is suddenly shaking happening and then alarms are blearing, I thought youmayhavealreadyleftorbeencaught!” His eyes flicker between him and Cassie as he rapidly speaks but he doesn’t let them answer before he’s talking again. “Anyway that doesn’t matter. I managed to find all the remotes! They were right where you said they were Cassie!”

Bart triumphally holds out three translator remotes. Kon lets out a relived sigh at the sight of them. At least that’s one less thing to worry about. In the back of his mind he knows that there’s a feeling of wrongness about the situation because the Demon’s Head surely would have found them, but Kon’s willing to overlook that feeling and take it as a win. Hopefully it doesn’t come to bite him in the ass later on.

“The ship is ready take off. All we’re waiting for now is the others to get back here.” M’gann reports to them from her position at the control panel. Kon nods his acknowledgement and looks out of the view screen, trying to get any glimpse of the human.

The alarms are still blearing throughout the docking bay and it’s making Kon nervous, he really hopes Tim hasn’t gone and got himself re-captured. He knows Kara and Pru are with him but anything could happen and until Kon sees Tim himself, he isn’t going to be able to relax.

A few more tense moments go by without any signs of them appearing. Next to him Cassie makes a comment on how she’s surprised that they themselves haven’t been found by any other assassins yet. Her comment is countered by Bart saying how the assassins are now running around trying to restore the damage that the explosions have caused, it’s leaving them distracted.

Now Kon’s thinking about it, that was probably Tim’s plan all along. Create a distraction so they could have a higher chance to escape without being noticed. It’s both smart and stupid. He still needs to question Tim on what he was thinking about the whole ordeal.

“They’re here!”

Kon’s brought out of his thoughts by Cassie’s shout. He focuses back on the window to see three figures running towards their ship. Kon’s heart skips a beat when he spots more figures, a group of assassins, not far behind them.

He watches helplessly as the assassins start gaining on his friends. If he had his powers he would be able to help them out, unfortunately that’s not the case at the moment and he would probably only cause more problems instead of helping them.

While running Tim trips over his feet and is saved from falling on his face when Kara manages to grab hold of his arm to keep him up right. An exchange happens between his cousin and the human before Pru gets involved by shouting something at them. In the end Kara simply picks Tim up and carries him the rest of the way to the ship while Pru hangs back and slays down the advancing group of assassins.

Kara runs up the ramp and into the ship with Pru following behind her moments later. Once they’re both on board M’gann wastes no time in getting them up in the air to make their escape.

It becomes absolute chaos.

From the moment they leave the docking bay everything becomes hectic and it’s unclear to exactly what is going on. The ship violently rocks side to side as M’gann navigates her way through the League of Assassin’s ship as she tries to find an exit point.

Despite how big the docking bay is, it seems to be impossible to dodge everything inside. They collide with other vessels, bounce off the walls and there’s a constant shaking to the craft like they’re being fired at by various of weapons.

“I’m going to have to crash through other ships to make it out!” M’gann informs them with a strained voice. Kon could see the toll it’s taking on her to keeping her ship somewhat under control through this turmoil.

“Do what you must!” Cassie shouts back. She’s currently pressed against the wall to help stabilize herself so she isn’t being flung around the place.

“Hold on!”

At the Martian’s shout Kon grabs onto the closest thing which happens to be a chair and does exactly that.

M’gann jerks the ship to the side, forcing it downwards towards an open hatch where a space pod had just entered the docking bay. With no hesitation, M’gann lets the bioship collide with it which nearly causes them to go off track but she determinedly keeps going. The rebound is brutal when they hit the pod and then bounce off the side of the hatch but soon enough they end up out of the docking bay and into the void of space.

M’gann doesn’t stop for a second because once they’re in space she’s pressing different controls on the dashboard and starts expertly flying them away as fast as she could.

It becomes a smoother ride now they’re flying through space, while the ship occasionally jerks and shakes, it’s certainly a lot better than before. At least with the situation now, they can stand up on their own and not worry about being thrown around.

“We’re not safe yet, I’m going to get us some distance away, make sure we’re not being followed and only then can we relax.” The Martian tells them as she continues to steer the bioship through the universe.

Kon nods, trusting her to get them through this. She’s already got them off the base ship, he’s sure she can get them away from anything that may chase after them.

“Kon!”

The shout of his name gets his attention and he looks around the cockpit to see who had called him, but when Cassie and Bart shake their heads he realises the shout came from outside of the room. He frowns for a moment before his mind catches up and he remembers the others who are aboard the ship with them.

Kon immediately darts out of the room and heads towards the lower deck of the bioship, that’s where he finds the three others on the floor. Tim is propped up against the wall, his head falling down to his chest before it jerks back up again and he seems to be attempting to wave off the other two hovering at his sides.

Kara and Pru are crouched at his sides speaking to him but Tim is either not paying attention to them or isn’t comprehending anything they’re saying. Maybe both.

Kon moves over and crouches down at the end of Tim’s feet. “What’s going on? Tim you okay?”

Tim blinks at him for a long moment and just as Kon’s about to ask the question again Tim frowns and suddenly looks confused. “Kon? Is that you, how are you here? Did they capture you too? I’m so sorry, all of this is my fault, I didn’t want this to happen.”

The way his voice sounds shaky and the way his words slur together has Kon on the edge of panicking but it’s his choice of words that really have him worried. Does Tim not remember anything that’s just happened? Surely he can recall them escaping the ship and then doing whatever he did to create the explosions.

“I’m tired.” Tim states blatantly, blinking slowly as his head drops to his chest again. When he jerks it back up he mumbles, “and my back hurts. Why does everything hurt?”

Kon looks helplessly at the other two who seem to be just as confused as he is. He has no idea on what to do right now or what it is that Tim needs.  

“Just go to sleep.” Pru tells him almost forcefully. Tim’s eyes flicker to her and he frowns. Pru rolls her eyes, “when you wake up everything will be better.”

Tim’s gaze turns back to Kon. ”Are we safe? Can I go to sleep?”

Kon forces himself to smile, he reaches out and pats Tim’s leg in a comforting manor. “Yeah, it’s okay to sleep Tim. You’re safe.”

Of course Kon cannot yet guarantee that and he has no clue if sleeping is the best option for Tim but he doesn’t see any other option and at least if Tim is asleep he isn’t feeling any pain. Kon watches as Tim’s eyes close, his head drops and this time doesn’t come back up, then just like that he’s asleep.

The three of them watch the human for a moment until Pru breaks the silence. She glances at Tim before looking at him and Kara. “His wounds on his back will have to be checked. They hadn’t healed when you arrived and with everything’s that’s just occurred, they may have re-opened. That’s probably what’s causing him pain.”

Kon nods in understanding, hating the fact that Tim is wounded and in pain. He hates everything that the human has been forced to endure recently.

“Right, we’ll find a place to lay him down and then you can treat him if you don’t mind. I’m sure M’gann has everything you need somewhere.”

Kara picks Tim up off the floor, taking caution to be careful, and then they find a place to lay him down. After some direction they find what they need to treat Tim and Kon leaves Pru to attend to him, though he asks Cassie to assist her. While Pru has been a massive help and has had a massive role to play in their escape, she’s still an assassin and Kon feels a bit more comfortable with someone from his team sat by Tim’s side while she treats him.

With Tim now being looked after, Kon returns back to the cockpit and stands by M’gann who is still steering the ship through space, creating a larger gap between them and the League of Assassins.

“Are we in the all clear yet?” He questions her.

She shakes her head in denial. “No. Not yet. While nothing has appeared on my radar I’m not taking any chances.”

“Very well, I trust your judgement. When you think the time is right, set course for Krypton. The sooner we get back the better, they won’t attack us when we’re there.”

She simply nods and goes back to focusing on flying. Kon leaves her to it, he drifts over to where the others have gathered at the back of the cockpit. He stands by while they catch up and talk about different topics, Kon lets their voices wash over him as he reflects on everything that’s recently happened and as he begins to think about what he has yet to face in the near future.

#universal signs #Kon-El #Tim Drake #cassie sandsmark #bart allen #kara zor-el #prudence wood #m'gann m'orzz #core four #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #fights #angst #injuries #exhaustion #escaping #fanfiction

[brandstifter-sys]

Under Pressure

Chapter 11: Tennis            (Ao3)

Word Count: 1408

Relationships: Royality, implied Royaliceit

Characters: Roman, Patton

Rating: T

Warnings: Villain!Logan, mood swings, emotional confrontation, fire, mild angst

----

It was strange passing through the door, like he was pulled on a different path from the others, like splitting apart from his brother all those years ago. Roman couldn't be sure why he felt that tug in his navel but he knew it meant trouble.

"What the hell is this?" Patton questioned as the two of them entered the room. It was odd. The ceiling was higher than expected, about twenty feet up, and the left wall was a giant mirror. There were six outcoves on the back wall, close to the tile ceiling, all blocked by glass.

"It's a puzzle, Padre, obviously," Roman scoffed and scanned the ground, "Why don't you pretend to have the answers while I figure this out."

"What?" Patton questioned in disbelief. Roman shrugged and carefully paced along the tiles, searching for switches and traps.

"I'm not blind to your tactics," Roman shrugged, "and you played me for a fool for long enough, I ought to know by now." Patton's jaw dropped, too flabbergasted to even squeak indignantly. He glared at the king, fighting back the bile of harsh words brewing in the back of his throat. Roman paid him no mind, more focused on the floor. There were two tiles that were sightly raised and off-color.

“My tactics,” Patton hissed after a beat of silence, “were never meant to influence you that much. I was confused and trapped in a corner. Wasn’t it obvious I was pushing and pushing for my own sake?”

“If it were obvious, then mark me as oblivious,” Roman quipped and stood on one of the raised tiles. It sank under his weight and merged with the rest of the floor.

“If you’re so unsure about what you should be doing, make yourself useful and come here and stand on this switch,” Roman commanded with a regal air that made Patton see red.

“How about you ask nicely instead, since I’m a person, not a dog,” the emo huffed and crossed his arms. Roman stared at him tiredly and rolled his eyes. He was going to be trapped here with Patton for a very long time.

“Would you please make yourself useful and stand on this switch?” he asked as if the words burned his mouth, caramelizing the sickeningly sweet tone he opted for. Patton huffed and marched over to him, gracelessly shoving him aside and standing where he was told. Roman stuck his nose in the air and marched two feet to the other switch.

A satisfying click sounded when Roman's weight caused the switch to slide in place. Then a loud noise overhead caught both of their attention. The glass blocking the outcoves lowered, exposing the candles to the air.

"We need to light them. I could throw you, and that fiery temper of yours would do the trick," Roman mused.

"You're the one who was literally on fire, I should be throwing you!" Patton argued and crossed his arms, "But we shouldn't have to throw anyone."

"Is this another one of your moral lectures?"

"No! Think about it! It's a puzzle! Would Logarithms really want to make any of us use brute force to get back to the main mindscape?!" Patton fumed. There had to be a trick to it all. He couldn't jump high enough to light those tiny candles, and he couldn't throw Roman. Besides, the wind would blow out any matches.

"I suppose you have a point," Roman sighed dramatically and flicked his wrist, conjuring a ball of fire, "It's too far to aim a blast of fire, even if you had the strength to throw me." He lazily bounced the ball on the ground and caught it, using the motions to help him think.

Patton would have corrected him, he was strong enough, but his attention was on the fireball. He couldn't look away from the swirl of flames moving up and down.

"I suppose we'll be here for a while," Roman mused, "you could use it to apologize to me."

"It wouldn't matter, I can only apologize so many times, you don't want to forgive me. I don't want to forgive me, but I know demanding another apology won't change my mind," Patton said and slumped his shoulders, still hypnotized by the fire.

"Patton I trusted you, I believed that you could never steer me wrong. I loved you and you turned my world upside down. Now I have to depend on my own judgement, and I don't know how I can forgive you without becoming dependent on you."

"Then don't. But stop asking me to apologize if you don't want to accept it. I can tear myself apart fine on my own. I hurt everyone and now the only one who actually wants to talk to me is Janus."

"Say one foul word about him and I'll—"

"I hurt him as bad as I hurt you, but he's still willing to hear me out and help me do better," Patton cut him off, blushing brightly, "He really cares deep down and he gives me the honey glows something fierce."

"You dare try to steal my queen?!"

"He's not your property, and last time I checked you decided you hate him and you insulted him repeatedly," Patton snarled and glared at him, "Or is that just how you show people that you love them?" Roman paused and stared at him, never halting with his toy. Patton sniffed and shook his head.

"No, that would mean you love me and I can't handle that kind of revelation," he sighed and blinked back tears. Roman was silent, studying him. The only sound was the impact of the fireball on the floor, echoing in the empty room.

That crackling and echoing bouncing was maddening, like the silence was deafening. Patton's eye twitched as the slow rhythm got louder and louder. He wanted to hear Roman denounce his claims, that he didn't love him. He would have been okay with him changing the subject, or even confirming his statement—anything but the looming doubt and wordless passage of time.

"Roman, stop bouncing the ball," Patton demanded as he shoved his hands in his pockets, clenching his fists to quell the rage bubbling up from his core.

"I need it to think. You don't want to be trapped here forever," Roman answered stiffly, not stopping, "Unless you have an idea, stand down."

Patton snarled and reached into his inventory. He had just the thing to break up that rhythm.

"By Zeus!" Roman yelped as Patton slapped his ball from under his hand, narrowly missing the royal fingers with the rim of a tennis racket.

The fireball hit the wall and hurdled back toward Patton. With a growl, he smacked it away, sending it upward toward the candles.

Roman's jaw dropped as his creation uncurled and vanished, lighting one of the candles. A grin spread across his face as he conjured another.

"How's your aim?" the king asked almost smugly, "You might have found our escape, Sunny Dad Real Estate."

"Better than yours," Patton jeered, already feeling the rush of adrenaline and endorphins filling him. Roman scoffed and tossed the fireball at him. He spiked it up and got another candle.

Roman kept throwing more balls, amused by the change in Patton's expression with each one. His bright smile was returning as well as his bubbliness. Roman's heart swelled when a giggle escaped Patton's lips as the final candle was lit.

"Perhaps you are right," Roman said finally, "Maybe I shower my beloved with ire and ill-tempered words. Perhaps it's my turn to—to apologize to you, Patton." The fire behind his eyes was reduced to embers, and Patton swore he saw the prince in that gaze.

"I'm—I'm sorry for treating you so poorly and demanding so much emotional labor. I would have followed you to the ends of the earth without question, you were my hero. Now I can see that I don't want a hero. I want a partner, perhaps not in a romantic sense, but a companion to support and be supported by."

Patton's jaw dropped at the same time as a door opened on the back wall. Without thinking he tackled Roman into a hug, far too elated to care about the exit appearing.

On the other side of the mirror, Remus watched the pair and groaned. He would need them to get to the next room, his current room, to keep going.

----

(Master Post)

#emo(tion)!patton #patton sanders #pride!roman #roman sanders #ts under pressure au #dark!logan #villain!logan #royality #royaliceit mention #mood swings tw #emotional confrontation tw #fire mention tw #mild angst tw #roman angst #patton angst #sandyscribed

[neongreengummiebears]

The Problem With Spinning Out and Zero Chill

Okay so spoilers. All the spoilers. Go into this at your own risk because every possible spoiler for both shows. Also: I will be speaking about these two shows with the assumption that readers have seen both and as such, will not need a summary of either. Okay, still here? Cool. 

I have no big hot take, just some observations that I would like to put out into the universe in regards to Netflix’s two most recent ice skating shows. Because I have a lot of thoughts, and also one big question for anyone who can maybe help me? 

For starters, Spinning Out and Zero Chill are both Netflix originals that premiered around approximately the same time, both of which feature figure skating as a backdrop for a lot of interpersonal drama surrounding the characters. It’s wonderful, because while I’m not very invested in sports I adore figure skating- It’s beautiful and fun to watch even if you don’t know a lot of the technical aspects or the names of the moves. However, for centering around the same sport the two shows are very different. Also, Spinning Out has already been confirmed to have been cancelled after the first season, while the future of Zero Chill is still up in the air.

In regards to personal preference, I liked Spinning Out a lot more than Zero Chill. It had a love story for me to invest myself in, as well as some messy, dramatic family dynamics, and overall the show was a lot more mature. I suspect that this may have actually been to the show’s detriment but that’s for later. In contrast, I found Zero Chill to be fluffy to the point of an ABC Family special. 

Do you remember those? Shows like Switched at Birth or Secret Life of the American Teenager, that tried to tackle big mature topics while keeping things family friendly? Do you remember how the writing was usually pretty sub par and the drama all seemed super contrived because there was only so much they could actually do within their given boundaries, so they made a much bigger deal out of small issues than they deserved? Yeah. Zero Chill felt like that. For example, the “hazing” from the hockey team was to...put balloons in his locker? And that was a...major diss? Worth getting super pissed? Idk. It’s just that, without the confines of being family-friendly day time programing, I have come to expect more from Netflix original programming. 

Alternatively, Spinning Out may have veered too far into the dark and gritty spectrum. If I had to guess where it failed, I would say that it introduced A LOT of drama, all within the first season and at times felt, overwrought. I think Spinning Out could have done with slowing down and taking a breath. Draw things out. Have the mother slowly escalate her abuse, stop and start with her medication, stretch out the love triangle between Kat, Justin, and Marcus. When I first started watching I thought that maybe Marcus would be Kat’s Luke Danes. Like throughout the show she dates other people, but eventually she realizes that she loves him and they end up together but...nope. The show established pretty early on that we were not going to have an epic, interracial friends to lovers romance. And I loved the enemies to lovers romance we got between her a Justin (Though I really think it should have taken longer. I liked that they hooked up before and that he was kinda low key pining but stretch it out. Sloooooooow buuuuuuuurn. Make it goooood. I want to feel the pining.) but it did feel like the cop out answer. And then they immediately introduce a black female character because apparently in the year 2021 we still have shows with exactly 2 black characters that are there to date each other. Like fuck, even South Park has made fun of that trope, it’s time to move past it. 

Secondly I think that it’s super out of character for Kat to ever go off her medicine, even if it is to help her skating. It’s the same way I felt when they introduced Ian’s mental Illness in Shameless. Like, maybe it’s a thing that people do and if you’ve known people that act this was in these scenarios than sure, maybe I’m wrong. But it just feels like they go to so much effort to show the effect that their parent’s mental illness has on them and their life when left untreated, they establish the characters as grown up too quickly, forced to mature due to their parent’s poor choices, and then just decide to have them follow in their mother’s footsteps when the plot demands more drama. I hated that as a choice for Ian and I hated it for Kat. Partly because I feel like it’s very out of character and cop-out writing, and also because I feel like if they had to do it at all it should have been later on in the series. 

One advantage that Zero Chill had for me over Spinning Out is that at least the characters were consistent. In this case I’m speaking mostly about Kayla, but also some of the others. Sure, I found Kayla’s impulsivity annoying instead of charming like I feel was the intent, but I liked her friendship with Skye arguably more than Kat’s friendship with Jenn. Mostly because Skye was pretty chill throughout the entirely of the show while Jenn would go from hot to cold and back. Do I think it’s stupid that Kayla and Skyle’s big storyline was “I want to skate with my BFF but regulations don’t allow it?” Yes. You’ve already established that Kayla doesnt care about competitions. The only time she ever did was because she wanted to skate with her OTHER BFF. So like....just skate now? You have Skye’s mom’s approval at this point, it doesn’t have to go anywhere. But at least the two seemed to genuinely be friends. Kat and Jenn started off with potential but then turned fairly toxic. Kat was never that supportive of Jenn, always wrapped up in her own stuff and Jenn just got crazy at the end there. I understand her being upset about Justin but then she learns that Kat is bipolar, you think theyre cool, and then she immediately throws that back in Kat’s face at the first inconvenient moment. 

Can I just say though, how much more interested I was when I thought the secret figure skater was someone on Mac’s hockey team? I was trying to guess which boy it secretly was and I thought that there would be a subplot about her trying to convince him to figure skate with her, but he would feel pressured by his parents to play hockey instead. And that would work as a foil to Ava, who wanted to play hockey but was instead forced to figure skate. And there would be an eventual romance because what can I say, I’m here for the romance. But no...it was Skye and then there was just that subplot about Mac wanting to date his sister’s only friend. And like, when I was trying to guess who it was I thought it might be Bear and that would be her romantic interest but....no. Bear just, also likes Skye. 

Also, is it some unwritten rule that for every white girl figure skater with brown hair, there must be an Asian best friend? This isnt a complaint, just an observation. 

And clearly I don’t ONLY have complaints. I thought that both shows ahd a promising premise, and I loved the relationship on Spinning Out. When Zero Chill actually bothered with real issues instead of contrived nothing issues, I think it did it pretty well. I liked the friendships and family dynamic better in Zero Chill, but wished that it would have been a little more mature like Spinning Out. I liked that the characters in Spinning Out were mostly adults and that it had a more adult tone, but I wish that they had dialed the melodrama back just a bit. What I really want, I supposed, is a combination of the two shows which leads nicely into my question for you all: 

I remember browsing Netflix months ago and seeing a figure skating show advertised, however it wasn’t either of these shows. It feels like these two shows were once one, and then got split up into two because I am completely unable to find the show I originally saw a commercial for. 

In that original ad there was a brother and sister, one who played hockey and one who figure skated. But the hockey brother was jealous of the sister because he felt like their parents prioritized her figure skating. So one day, before a big performance of hers, he met her right before the performance and yelled at her about how unfair everything was and it shook her up and when she went out on the ice she wasn’t focused. She slipped and fell, split her head open on the ice, and her confidence was shaken. 

But like...that wasn’t either of these shows so what the hell was it??? Were they once one? Was there some other show that hasn’t been released yet? Did I see it in a dream???? 

#netflix #netflix original series #zero chill #spinning out #zero chill spoilers #spinning out spoilers

[demoanais]

This will all be moot in a month but I feel like I'm in danger of being misunderstood so I wanted to make my position more clear for the record:

I AM happy Sharon is shown to be hurt, angry and cynical. She's more than earned that. EVC is perfect for playing with the dark side of her character, she has plenty of great experience to tackle that duality. Exploring deeper layers of Sharon is a welcome shift.

I AM happy that the show acknowledges that Sharon was wronged after merely doing the right thing and has long been suffering the consequences of a punishment that vastly exceeds the crime. Of course that's changed her outlook, how could it not?

I AM happy that Sharon has still managed to build a stable life for herself despite all this pain; she is extremely self sufficient and capable and takes great pride in that. It's the emotional blow that stings her the most - she has survived but it never needed to be this hard.

I AM happy that she didn't welcome sam and bucky with open arms and chat like nothing was wrong. She gave up everything and look where it landed her; they were being naive and insensitive to think she'd so happily jump back into the fray for their sakes with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

I AM happy that despite her misgivings and distrust, she still lent her strength to sam and bucky's efforts because at her core, that's who she is. She hasn't lost her sense of morality even if her heart isn't exactly in it like it used to be.

I AM unhappy about the execution of all of the above.

For example, you have Sharon ask about new cap. Before bucky can elaborate, she cuts him to the quick by accusing him of blind loyalty to the mantle. But that isn't accurate. If bucky's so-called arc is anything, it's demonstrating how his insecurity and lack of direction are causing his grudges to overtake his better judgement.

For him, *everything* is personal. He was steve's friend before he was captain america's, and that's where meaning dwells for him. He doesn't want the shield back or blame sam for giving it up too easily because of some idealogical obsession with 'stars and stripes bullshit' - he thinks it's a slight to steve that sam didn't honor his choice and that it's more than just government issue gear to be passed around. It represents many things (many of them bad, as the show points out) but he doesn't care about all that. To bucky it may as well be a family heirloom, considering what little he has left from his former life.

Of course, this is all what he has to overcome, to (re) establish his own position and identity in the world, and sharon isn't as privy to those struggles as the audience is. Allowing bucky and/or sam to actually elaborate on their issues with walker could have created an in for her to point out some hypocrisy or naivety on their part. But the opportunity was swiftly torpedoed because we really, really need the audience to get that sharon 2.0 is 'awful' now.

So what could she have criticized bucky for instead? Lucky for her, that problem was looking her right in the face drinking her expensive liquor. There is very little justification for the stunt bucky pulled behind sam's back by freeing zemo, and I can only assume consequences are around the corner. Yet again, bucky isn't seeing big picture, he's consumed by his own personal relationship to zemo and the super serum. He acted unilaterally based on his own fears and self doubts but wants to present his actions as logical and well reasoned. Zemo can help in the short term, but what is the cost?

Sharon, being the seasoned cynic she is now, would have seen through that in an instant. How difficult would it have been to jab at the irony, bucky being 'free' according to his therapist but chained to this person who used him as a tool, who continues to exploit his weaknesses, who seems to be far more in control than bucky is in the situation they're all in. Bucky is trying to prove something, he doesn't seem to be sure what that is yet, but he's stubbornly blinded himself to the possibility that he's going about it the wrong way. That is something that sharon could have rightfully called out, but for some reason bucky's most egregious flaw is presented as.... being steve's best friend.

Then you have her dealings with sam, who's problems are more from the other side of the spectrum. He isn't really allowed to bring his personal feelings to the table, he has to deal with the intense pressure of taking on a loaded persona when it may not actually ring true to him in his heart. He also trusted steve and had faith in what that specific cap stood for, but does that mean he's willing to put the whole system on his own shoulders now? He's trying to think above and beyond, about the legacies before him, about his own place in history when all is said and done.

Sam is all about big picture at this stage, and his journey would presumably have him work from the outside in. That's why the glimpses of his family life are invaluable, they give us that contrast between his day to day realities and the loftier, more abstract idealism of the falcon's (or cap's) heroism. His exploration is about staking his own personal claim on the symbolism of that shield, not just for his own sake but for the sake of those who will now look to him as a leader and an inspiration.

To be fair, I think some of sharon's dialogue with sam is marginally better, but still ultimately misses the mark. I envisioned an exchange where she might belittle his decision to continue acting as a representative of the same organization that failed her so spectacularly, suggesting he should tread carefully lest he find himself discarded once the government no longer finds him useful or compliant.

She...sort of got close to saying that? If I squint really hard I guess? But it's off because it's less about the posturing and politics of their roles and of 'the machine' so to speak, than it is about striving to do right when you can. It feels like she's criticizing the inherent value of what they try do rather than the shortcomings of the framework itself. If I get vibes that this sharon seems to waffle on whether or not she regrets what she did in CACW, that's not a good thing.

Bureaucracy, red-tape, iconography - all of the things walker is being parceled with; can you disentangle yourself while refusing to leave the system in the same state as you found it? If I want to be charitable I can chalk this up to semantics, but they haven't given me many reasons to be charitable so far.

Then you have the whole utterly nonsensical bargaining over her pardon (the stupidity of that particular exchange pointed out multiple times on reddit, of all places) and sharon's not-so-subtle suggestion that sam is basically lying to her when he says he can get her pardoned.

If she's trying to say she doesn't believe he actually has the pull to accomplish that, or that he's underestimating how difficult it would be, it's one thing. But saying that he's merely 'pretending' to clear her name is completely unfair. I don't care how ~jaded~ sharon is, there's no plausible reason for her to consider sam capable of such a lie and I find that an insult to them both. Naturally, I place blame squarely on kolstad's writing, and not on sharon herself. It's plain as day he didn't give a wink to a single implication he made with his script, nor does he care to do so.

Am I foolish for thinking her arc could be handled with more coherence? I like to think I'm already controlling for the lackluster quality of MCU writing in general; this actually surprised me. I expect basic and juvenile, but at least there's consistency. Frankly, I think Feige put a little too much slack in the reins here and the characters are paying the price.

Could I be crying wolf too soon before giving everything a chance to pan out? Of course, that's always a possibility and I'd be more than glad to eat crow if things turn out palatable in the end. Are the odds favorable that this will happen? Magic 8 ball says don't count on it, and I'm not in the habit of constantly lowering my standards until they're miraculously met.

#sharon carter #emily vancamp #anti mcu #sambuckysharon

[marnz]

pausing my “”productive”” evening to be briefly insane with rage at this extremely stupid, imprecise, and ignorant essay about garth greenwell and ocean vuong, holy shit, i guess punching down is quite easy when you don’t even feel the need to make a point. 

i haven’t finished On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous so I cannot speak to that aspect of the essay other than to say 1) the prose is amazing 2) writing to reach someone is the main function of a writer, you need to approach an emotional work in an emotionally open and receptive manner, 3) the critiques of the novel come across as jealous and a purposefully mean spirited reading. however,

if you READ What Belongs to You, if you READ Cleanness, you understand WHY these books are so sincere and WHY there is so much “”gay suffering”” and it is because the narrator fucking hates himself. This is not a secret. Greenwell’s primary aesthetic project in these books is tackling the intersections of shame and desire. What causes intense shame? The fact that the narrator’s father treated him horribly for his entire life because the narrator is sexually attracted to men--and so Greenwell explores gay sex and intimacy. I don’t think this could have been made more apparent? In the middle section of What Belongs to You the narrator reflects on his relationship with his dying father, and begins by discussing the innocent and familial intimacy between the two of them that vanished immediately when the father realized the narrator was gay, as a child. 

The narrator is “”sincere”” and confessional about everything as a way to convey the intersections of shame and desire using prose that mirrors the looping, sometimes ponderous thought process of the self loathing. He is capable of reflecting on his terrible qualities and unsafe sexual choices, his obsession with self endangerment through sex and his self blame/culpability, because he thinks there is something not only inherently wrong with him, but inherently unlovable. This is something he obsesses about and it is why partially why the book reads as confessional (the other reason is it is the contemporary modern style. Almost every celebrated litfic novelist is doing it nowadays.) Sex is linked danger, shame, and rejection over and over again for the narrator and he struggles to move on from it because it’s all he thinks he deserves! The craft decision to use sex as a way to explore not just shame/desire but the narrator’s character is incredible! More people should do this! In one of the most harrowing chapters of Cleanness, “Gospodar,” the narrator goes to a professional dom and confesses to wanting to become “nothing.” He explicitly engages in humiliation play. Enough said!

The whole “gay suffering gay man sad” thing is NOT done as suffering for shock value or because it’s a sincere belief in what gay people deserve. This was a common critique of What Belongs to You and I agree it’s thankless to read if you went into it expecting gay Pretty Woman or a happy ending, l m a o, especially since one of the other craft projects of the novel is using Mitko to symbolize Bulgaria post iron curtain/””communism.”” Greenwell then uses Cleanness address the gay suffering critiques by exploring the narrator’s relationship with R....and these chapters are absolutely beautiful and moving and healing for the narrator, he finally gets to say shit like:

 “Sex had never been joyful for me before, or almost never, it had always been fraught with shame and anxiety and fear, all of which vanished at the sight of his smile, simply vanished, it poured a cleanness over everything we did” and 

“I caught my breath at [something R did for him], I felt a weird pressure and heat climb my throat. I felt like my heart would burst, those were the words for it, the hackneyed phrase, and I was grateful for them, they were a container for what I felt, proof of its commonness. I was grateful for that, too, the commonness of my feeling; I felt some stubborn strangeness in me ease, I felt like part of the human race.”

I don’t think it’s ever confirmed that the narrator in What Belongs to You is the same narrator as Cleanness but I think they must be because of the social implications of cleanness as related to gay sex and to aspects of shame, especially because in part 3 of WBTY the narrator learns he has syphilis, which is a very publicly disfiguring disease if not treated. It’s sexual leprosy, it is disfiguring shame. We read all of Cleanness understanding certain actions he takes as being because of what happened to Mitko, like insisting on condoms. I think the choice of it being syphilis as opposed to AIDs is purposeful but that is another post i will not be making.

The relationship with R is doomed to fail partially because R also experiences immense shame connected to being gay for a different reason and because the narrator is predisposed to self sabotage and other various reasons. It does end, the narrator goes back to his dangerous sexual practices, and Greenwell is careful to show that part of the reason the narrator does this is because he finds social as well as sexual gratification from it. With R the narrator did not do any form of kink except body worship, but body worship is not what the narrator craves because he craves humiliation play! I think the thing that is most interesting about Cleanness in particular is the way it explores different avenues of intimacy, different modes, you can be with someone for a very long time and feel felt and loved and understood and then be with someone else and feel felt and loved and understood in different, equally important ways. Every single relationship in your life is a trade off of these and your own prioritization of your own needs. Greenwell shows that the narrator’s sexual practices and his love for kink is an important need just as it is a self destructive one because of the linking of shame and desire. This is all made explicit in “The Little Saint” (which we are given to understand is post-R) narrator acts as a dom for once and explores being on the other side of the coin. He gets into it and later finds it very upsetting because for him all shame and humiliation is linked to being gay, which circles back to his father, and the sub ends up explaining to the narrator that you don’t have to dominate someone by humiliating them like that. Like what’s not clicking here!!!!!!! 

My other main frustrations with this essay are:

the linking of sincerity = gay trauma when good art is often about sincerity and sincerity of emotion, either exploring it or eliciting it, even satire, even fucking...marvel movies, lowest common denominator writing wise, try to make their fans feel something

the fact HE CLEARLY DIDN’T READ THE BOOKS. i know Cleanness is set up as a collection of short stories so you have to take it apart line by line  but WBTY is not like that. The shame = bad dad aspect could not have been more clear if it was underlined.

The fact that the essay says Ocean Vuong “is an artist of the memorably obtuse one-liner” as a derogatory thing which is SO rude and comes across as incredibly petty and jealous. Ocean Vuong is a fucking genius. Go after Rupi Kaur if you want to critique a poet who is actually over celebrated, damn

the idea of sincerity = cringe and the inability of many modern critics to moderate their response to a piece of work based on the project or any of its other qualities it is doing instead of like, how it made them feel expressed as sarcastically as possible. I am not a critic but I do not think this is difficult to do. What Belongs to You made me incredibly uncomfortable and sad for much of the book but I was still able to appreciate it? Even when I was like “ahhhhh i hate this” I could understand and appreciate aspects of craft/characterization/emotion/prose/whatever. This is basic shit.

the fact this essay doesn’t even explore the craft genius of Cleanness? it is really subversive to use sex like that in litfic, let alone gay sex...like I understand not liking something just based on your personal tastes but I’m like ?????????? so shocked that the whole craft thing and aesthetic project just doesn’t come up???????? At all?????? ALSO YOU WOULD THINK in an essay that tries to cash in on the outrage of ‘all gay art is suffering’ would explore why the wealthy, straight, white publishing industry and literary elite does invest in gay suffering and the homophobia/history behind it but no! this essay doesn’t even do that!

the fact this got published at all

anyway this essay is stupid and i am stupid for typing up basically an essay about it but like! where else can i do this! if you read all the way to the end pls read Garth Greenwell and Ocean Vuong thanks bye

#i really do not get mad on the internet anymore as a rule but this..... #ugh and what drives me even crazier is i know this stupid fucking essay was published for hate clicks AND IT IS WORKING #garth greenwell #cleanness #homophobia tw #if someone comes to me and says these novels are like toxic and not morally pure uwu i am going to unhinge my jaw and swallow them whole #long post

[samcroslut]

The Devil’s Wife - Part 4 (Lucifer Morningstar Series)

A/N: Hey guys! Firstly, I am so sorry for the inactivity and i have explained why on my blog but I’m back with the highly requested next instalment of this series. I hope you all are well, like always, feedback is appreciated!

Tags:

@badwolf-in-the-impala @hismissharley13 @cole-winchester @lovereyes22 @rosepetalsandfandoms @anne-kollay @spnfan-96​ @squirreln-moose @thatravenclaw04​ @kittenlittle24​ @lostgirl219​ @inlovewithfreyamikaelson​ @chill-4-dayz​

Warnings: swearing and some strong violence and of course angst!

inbox me if you want to be added to my taglist, or if I’ve forgotten you!

Back when all of this started, life was hard for the soulmates. Pressure building and building as the tension grew in heaven, it was their job to control and maintain peace with their other halves. The true purpose was never disclosed but you soon figured it out when your husband fell: to be the upper hand for God. Using you to get to Lucifer, to control him. Things were never built on good intentions like it is shown.

Upon Lucifer’s downfall, or uprising depending on your perspective, you were punished. your one task, the only reason you were created in fact was to control and understand him. you did just that but what the winning side forgot was that emotions would come into play. Siding with them wasn’t easy when you’re in love with the other. Unbeknownst to you, they expected you to just open your mouth and the information to fall out but that never happened. It couldn’t. The one thing you swore to do was protect him and that’s what you did, you’ll be killed before you betray your literary soulmate. 

So when it came down to the dirty work you swore yourself never to speak of again, you lost all hope. A slight part of you expected there to at least be talk of a scheme made by your husband but no. Day after day you sat, tortured for eons, and not a single thought crossed his mind about you still being alive. It did hurt, but you learnt to live with it the hard way. The same stone walls surrounded you, suffocating your mind, and at one point you had hope; there was one guard who would look at you with emotion and would actually talk to you but that didn’t last long. Soon the other guards caught into your late night chats and spoke out about them. Hope vanished as fast as it came and that was a blow that you couldn’t recover from. 

The door creaked open, the sound scratching through your eardrums. Shuffling back further so that you were as far into the corner of the cell you could go, the smell of sweat and mould filled your senses. Glancing only for a second you saw the same sight you saw every morning: the chair. The man entered with his usual back, never uttering a word. You just nodded your head and rose to your feet. It was time. Multiple guards surrounded you, two holding you in place while the other one took apart your chains and disabled the cage you were bound to. Once released, you stretched out, preparing yourself for what was about to happen. Cracking if your back and fingers sounded the room, colliding with the noise of him setting out the agenda for the day. At this point, you feared the pain but apart from that, it was something to pass the indefinite time. Hands clamped to your shoulder as they forced your movements towards the torturous chair. The thought of whether they felt sympathy for you filled your mind, there was always a weak link in bands of guards but he most likely was just scared to hear the sounds escape the chamber like they always do. 

“So, what’s on the table for me today Mr?” That’s always how you started the day, and as he turned around with the blade gripped to his hand, your smile faltered. Here we go again. 

He approached you with the same lack of emotion he always does, he said the same scripted questions he always does and then the screams started as the blade found its home in your back.

Your eyes shot open, the sight of soaked sheets hitting you first, then him, peaceful. Tracing his face with you toughened fingers, they somehow even managed to scar you there. Closing your eyes and ridding your head of those thoughts you escaped his grip and made your way towards the en-suite, feet barely touching the ground in order to avoid Lucifer’s disturbance. Reaching the bathroom you went straight for the shower, letting your mind go blank and focusing on the task at hand. As time passed, quicker than you were used to, you were starting to finish up when the door swung open. At first you didn’t even notice it until the gasp. Swinging round, you expected to see you husband but instead you were harshly mistaken when Chloe stood there. 

“Get out!” She didn’t need to be told twice, the embarrassment filling her features. The minute the door thudded close, you sighed out of relief but it didn’t last long, then shame filled your body. Drying off as quickly as you can, you throw your hair up in a bun, the wet strands falling and framing your face. Exiting the bathroom and opening the drawers, hoping there was something you could wear. The sight of Lucifer’s old t-shirts made you feel a bit better, dressing yourself and grabbing some shorts you found as well. Taking a deep breath, you decided it was now or never. As you left the solace of the bedroom you expected Chloe to still be here, you were correct, she sat at the bar with her face still a slight reddish tinge. At least we were still in the same boat.

Clearing your throat to announce your presence, her head shot round, her mouth open to speak. You let her, making your way towards her. 

“I am so sorry, I didn't hear the shower on. I’ve found that his bathroom is the cleanest one here and-” Reaching for a drink, something strong you interrupted, “It’s fine, i'll make sure that a cleaner is hired, the other ones should be better from now on so if you don’t mind using those ones instead, I’d be very grateful.” The authoritative tone in your voice just made her nod. Then it hit: the awkward silence. Swirling the whisky around in its glass you figure it best to tackle the problem head on. 

“Are we just going to ignore the point of this uncomfortable atmosphere?” Raising your eyebrows at her, you came to the conclusion it would be better for her to give you her side of the story. “I didn’t really see much, the steam from the shower was a lot so.” Chloe hung her head and from that you knew. She saw it. “You aren’t stupid, and I appreciate your consideration but I know that you saw it Chloe. The scars, and i want to put it out there that they are none of your business. That and the fact I’d rather you not mention this to my husband.” And with that you gulped down what was left of your drink, placing it down on the table next to where she sat, looking at her for her agreement to keep her silence, she was in the wrong after all.

“Of course. Like you said it’s none of my business but, why not tell Lucifer?” Detective nature was starting to leak out of her and you could tell she wasn’t going to let this go. You smiled.

“Like you said yourself: it’s none of your business. I take it you’re here for my husband?” She merely nodded, straightening her back and raised an eyebrow. As you nodded, you made your way to the bedroom, needing to move the conversation to its end. You didn’t have all day to just sit there and be interrogated.

When you reached your bedroom, Lucifer was already sitting up, elbows digging into the mattress as he looked around for you. Smiling at him, you just admired him for a split second before he saw you. 

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes this morning, darling. Sleep well?” In all of your existence, you have never seen him smile so widely. Stepping forward towards the bed, you drop down and rest on the side on the bed. Hand finding his leg and resting it there. 

“I slept fine, my love. As much as I would like this to last longer, the Decker girl is here.” The smile on his face fell only slightly. Nudging him slightly, you stood up, attempting to coax him out of bed, even if it was the last thing you wanted. Wishing that it was possible to go back and spend all the lost time with him catching up. 

~~~

Dressed to impress, the suit he wore was always impeccable, even all those years ago. The only time you saw anything but a perfect suit was when  he was cast out. At least some things have stayed the same. Smiling, you sat on the sofa, gazing up at your husband. The amount of love you had for that man was so intense that sometimes it was hard to breathe being in the same room. 

“What is your plan for today then, darling? I have to go with Chloe today but tonight we will have dinner together, sounds good?” Always so polite. Shocking Chloe to hear Lucifer ask for something, instead of just telling. She shook her head and scoffed. Rolling your eyes at the uninvited woman, you answered him.

“I'm going to go out with Maze, I’m in need of some better attire than this.” Referencing your current mismatched attire.

“We need to go, you can catch up with your wayward wife later.” This angered you, as did it for Lucifer, his sculptured head snapping towards her with his eyebrows raised.

“Don’t speak about my wife, or to her like that Decker. You don’t want me mad and on your service all day, that I can assure you.”

~~~

The day passed relatively fast, Maze and you catching up and gossiping as if nothing had changed. It was refreshing. Bags littering your arms, you both decide to call it a day; you needed to get ready for your dinner date after all. That thought brought a smile to your face for the first time in a long while.

“What’s your verdict on Decker?” Maze quizzed you. Back way when, you weren’t the quietest about opinions and little has changed. “Rude, uninvited and unwelcome from my end. She’s starting to show her feelings. This morning she interrupted me and decided the words to describe me best was a ‘wayward wife’. Good I’ll give her that but she needs to be put in her place.” Maze’s face was riddled with shock at your words but said little, “How is Lucifer taking your return?” 

“Well we’re having dinner tonight, his idea, so I think well. Truth be told I haven't seen him smile so wide since we were young.” The happiness was short lived. “I wouldn’t be so sure, not to blow your bubble Esther but Chloe has got a hold on him. I wish she didn’t but she does. I just hope that you can loosen it.”

~~

It was way into your dinner date with Lucifer, and you haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise. Chloe this, Chloe that. It was breaking your heart as the seconds went by and the only thing he can manage to think of is his new woman. Dropping your cutlery, you’ve had enough.

“Enough Lucifer!” You bellowed. He hadn’t heard that exit you in so long, even then it was a rare occurrence. “What is wrong Esther?” 

He had some nerve, it honestly caused a laugh to escape your mouth. What’s wrong? Who does he think he is? Obviously over the years he had dulled.

“Is this a date or an excuse for you to confess your love for your new plaything?” Eyes wide with shock, he didn’t even try to think of an excuse so you continued on. “The entire time you father had me locked up, all I could think of was you. Hoping for you to come and get me, soon i realised that was bullshit. Was she the reason you never tried?! Because if she was, I swear to God I will kill her. The audacity you have to think that we can just continue on normally Lucifer, everything has changed and you don’t even want to admit it!” Fire was coursing through your veins and you weren’t gonna even try to halt it. 

“She told me about your scars,” It was barely a whisper coming from him but that whisper made you stop in your tracks. You scoffed, the one thing you told her not to do, she even agreed not to. “I didn’t want to mention it because it’s something that you should bring up, it’s your pain to share. I’m not going to pry it out of you.” His words were soft and sincere.

“I will tell you what happened Lucifer, just not yet. I have barely come to terms with it myself and I know it was a long time ago for you, but for me it was like it was yesterday. I asked her not to tell you that Lucifer, it wasn’t her place to say shit and yet she does. She cannot be trusted and I certainly don’t. She has come into your life and has a seemingly stronger grip on you than I, your wife does. So I am going to only tell you this once: she isn’t welcome in this house and if she does come here, she better know what she is risking. Am I clear?” 

At this point, you were both stood up and fuelled. “That is hardly fair Esther! You are my wife, My literal soulmate and i will always support and love you but this is my life. She is my friend and I trust her.” He tried to approach you but you stepped back, alarmed that he would defend this woman. 

“Since the moment I met her she has insulted, betrayed my trust and interrogated me. So no, this is fair! No one has the right to treat someone so badly without reason and the funny thing is, is that she does! The Decker girl is head to toe in love with you and I refuse to let her ruin a relationship I have endured hell for!” Panting, you looked at him, hoping that he would understand now, 

“She’s isn’t I love with me! This is ridiculous Esther, what has gotten into you woman?” Lucifer was angry now, but you didn’t care. You understood everything now. Shattered, you let the tears that had been building in your eyes during his response. 

“You’re in love with her..”

#Lucifer Morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer imagines #lucifer tv show #mazikeen #tom ellis #devils wife au #lucifer

[96thdayofrage]

Not only is white supremacy the root cause of all anti-Asian attacks, we are told, but the very mention of black assailants serves to bolster an illusory or harmful trope. Examples here include “Stop Blaming Black People for Anti-Asian Hate” (Newsweek), “Old tropes of Black-Asian conflict rear up after NY assault” (Chicago Tribune), and “Why the trope of Black-Asian conflict in the face of anti-Asian violence dismisses solidarity” (Brookings Institution).

On #StopAsianHate, a piece titled “The ‘Black-Asian Conflict’ Is a Problematic Trope—and It’s Time to End It” informs us that any anger directed at black assailants is a mask for “White establishment anxiety.” At Mic, Melissa Pandika argues that we should refrain from posting photos of suspects in anti-Asian hate crimes—but only if those suspects are black. “Posting photos of white suspects,” on the other hand, “can help counter the narrative that the majority of anti-Asian attacks are perpetrated by Black people, and convey what the research actually finds: White people are more likely to commit anti-Asian hate crimes.”

This brings us to the issue of crime statistics. Pandika bases her claims on a University of Michigan Virulent Hate Project study of news articles that describe incidents of anti-Asian racism. “In the 4,337 news articles that we reviewed, we identified 1,023 unique incidents of anti-Asian racism that occurred in the United States between January 1 and December 31, 2020,” the authors reported. And while “only a small fraction of news articles explicitly identified the race of the individuals who harassed or discriminated against Asian and Asian American people … in the few harassment incidents for which the news media explicitly stated the race of the offender, the majority of perpetrators of anti-Asian harassment were reported to be male and white.”

On page 14 of the study, we learn that the race of offenders was explicitly identified in only 57 anti-Asian harassment incidents. Of these 57 incidents, white individuals were reported as perpetrators in 44, Blacks in six, Hispanics in four, Chinese in three, Vietnamese in one. “The information that we have,” the authors conclude, “while limited and imperfect, does not support the common claim that Black hostility is driving the current epidemic of anti-Asian racism and violence.”

There are a few problems here, however. The first is that the data isn’t comprised of actual crime statistics, but just information gleaned from news articles. And even within those news article, only a tiny minority mention the perpetrator’s race. As the authors themselves note, “reporting practices might differ by the race of the perpetrator, and it is not clear how news outlets and individual reporters chose to navigate the complex issue of racial identification in its coverage of specific incidents discussed in the articles we reviewed.”

More importantly, the University of Michigan study groups together vastly different forms of behaviour, from harassment and vandalism down to “stigmatizing and discriminatory statements, images, policies, and proposals.” Among the 184 total incidents in which race is identified, more than two thirds consist of “stigmatizing statements and actions by politicians.” And even the category of physical harassment and violence groups together getting spat at and being assaulted with deadly force.

In regard to actual hate crimes, as that term is defined by the FBI, Voice of America has reported that “only two of the 20 people arrested last year in connection with [New York City anti-Asian hate crime] attacks were white, according to New York Police Department data analyzed by the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism. Eleven were African Americans, six were white Hispanics and one was a Black Hispanic.” According to the reporter, Masood Farivar, “most police departments do not publish this kind of data, but anecdotal evidence suggests the pattern seen in New York has emerged in other cities, as well.”

My intention here is not to perpetuate stereotypes about black people. Crime is perpetrated by individuals, not whole races. Moreover, to the extent that black people are overrepresented as assailants in this (or any other) kind of crime, it’s useful to note that crime often is linked to poverty and disadvantage, which disproportionately afflict American black communities. But that said, it is intellectually dishonest to ignore or deny the identity of real crime suspects in the service of protecting a certain kind of ideological narrative.

Even Asians themselves are being pressured to frame the attacks against them in this ideological context. UCLA lecturer Manjusha P. Kulkarni, the aforementioned co-founder of Stop AAPI Hate, has admonished Asian Americans for their anti-black and “white adjacent” attitude. “Sadly, immigrants come to the United States often and understand right away the racial hierarchy that we have in our nation,” she states in her widely circulated video. “And so they know that if they want upward mobility, they want economic security, they need to align themselves with whites, essentially. And so you see a lot of that white adjacency in our community or efforts to strive toward white adjacency.”

Such language channels the idea that, as recently described by Quillette contributor Kenny Xu, the success of Asian-Americans can be traced to their “proximity to whiteness.” Seen through this lens, even when Asian Americans feel themselves under threat of physical attack, they bear a special moral responsibility to ensure that their response is ideologically onside with the fight against white supremacy.

What does this mean in practice? According to journalist Kayla Hui, this means that Asians must resist endorsing the most obvious source of relief from street crime: the police. “Policing only catalyzes racial tensions between Asian and Black communities,” Hui writes. By way of alternative, Hui urges “bystander and de-escalation training to learn how to intervene when anti-Asian hate and harassment occurs.” And in the long run, “Asian solidarity with Black and brown communities [would serve as] a catalyst for tackling white supremacy and the systems that continuously uphold and enable racism.”

Cat Brooks, co-founder of the Anti-Police Terror Project, a black-led organisation based in Oakland, says that instead of funding increased policing as a means to prevent anti-Asian violence, money should go toward “groups that are doing this work anyway,” such as local community patrols. And in an NBC News article “Critics fear NYPD Asian hate crime task force could have unintended consequences,” reporter Kimmy Yam leads with the statement that “The New York Police Department’s new anti-Asian hate crimes task force could inadvertently put Asian Americans in opposition to other communities of color, some activists fear.”

In response to the recent spate of anti-Asian attacks, the US government has enacted the COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act, which promotes the reporting of hate crimes at local and state levels. One might think that Asian groups would welcome the move. Yet a coalition of over 100 Asian and LGBTQ organisations have opposed the law, on the basis that the mere collection and reporting of hate-crime data “contradicts Asian solidarity with Black, Brown, undocumented, trans, low-income, sex worker, and other marginalized communities whose liberation is bound together.” The idea here is that police should be removed from “communities and neighborhoods” altogether; and that the security of the population should instead rest on such “community alternatives” as “non-coercive mental healthcare infrastructures, neighborhood-based trauma centers [and] community food banks.”

The signatories believe that collecting crime statistics and empowering the police more generally fails to address “the structural conditions that lead to violence against marginalized communities.” Obviously, they are free to argue for such a wholesale reorientation of American public policy (even if it flies in the face of recent evidence). But it is disingenuous to pretend that they are doing so in the service of protecting Asian people from physical attacks, or protecting the interests of Asians more generally. From first to last, this manifesto reads as a defence of a certain ideological stance. And to the extent that Asians are treated as autonomous political actors, it is on the expectation that they will play their assigned role in expressing “solidarity” with other groups.

Indeed, one wonders what the true goal is here. Advocates will tell you that their fight against white supremacy is a means to protect hate-crime victims. But often it seems that means and end have become reversed, and that these crimes now serve as a prop in the larger ideological campaign against our supposedly white-supremacy-saturated culture—a campaign that Asians themselves are now being pressured to join. Whatever you may think of this ideology, it seems doubtful that its champions are motivated primarily by the need to protect Asians from violence.