#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
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Rating How Delulu You Are Based On Your Bias (GG Edition)
Disclaimer: This is all in good fun. Please don't take any of the jabs in this with sincerity - my sense of humor involves teasing that can be seen as mean at times, but I promise that I have no malicious intent. Although this shouldn't be needed, I would rather not end up all over Twitter, Tiktok, or whatever else. I'm also not going to tag this because I don't feel like bringing unknown attention to myself. We cool? ❤️ please don't cancel me. I just like to have some fun as a silly teen girl yk
Anyways, I can't believe I'm 19 🥹 it feels weird that this is my last year as a teen, but I am kind of looking towards my 20s. Thank you all for not only supporting my blog but also me as a person.
That's enough of the sweet and nostalgic things - it's time to get started with what you came here for. 😌😉
Dreamcatcher:
JiU
- like a solid 6/10
- always good to be a little delulu
- honestly thought y'all would be higher bc of the things Minji says
SuA
- 7/10
- can't tell if y'all are delulu for SuA, delulu for SuA being with Siyeon, or a bit of both
- valid any way you slice it bc she's hot-
Siyeon
- ♾️/10
- "siyeon's my wife-" no babes you need therapy there's a difference
- simply touching grass will not do the job, rolling down a grass hill and inhaling some just might do the trick-
Handong
- 4/10
- okay listen y'all are just chill and I love that about you
- and I respect the few fully dedicated soldiers to this women, you deserve nothing but the best 🫶
Yoohyeon
- 8/10
- you understand that you have no endgame with her but you still think she's your girlfriend 🤔
- a chill kind of delulu
Dami
- 100/10
- if y'all have seen those tiktok edits you know exactly what I'm talking about
- "She could run me over with her car-" SEE A THERAPIST (i would let her do worse 🤭)
Gahyeon
- 8/10
- you think she's your girlfriend but she's not, I'm sorry :(
- she takes the best selfies and has legendary photocards so I don't blame you at all for the delulu
Itzy:
Yeji
- 6/10
- Her dancing skills and stage presence makes us all a little delulu tbh
- her stans are chill tho and only come out of the woodwork for comebacks or her individual promotions
Lia
- 2/10 or 10/10
- okay listen Lia biased people either are completely grounded and down to earth or are a permanent resident on delulu island
- I am the latter 🫣 but it's LIA COME ON
Ryujin
♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️/10
- she can't be everyone's wife, you guys, you're not married to her. GET HELP
- I have yet to meet a non-delulu Ryujin biased person and yes that includes myself 😌
Chaeryeong
- 9/10
- a rare breed but you all are DEDICATED to this women
- I don't need to recommend therapy but you all are slowly getting a little too close to that line-
Yuna
- 4/10
- I'm so surprised that this isn't higher because have you SEEN YUNA?!?!?
- SHIN YUNA MY LOVE I ADORE YOU 🥹🫶 Don't worry I'm delulu for you any day of the week 😌
Blackpink:
Jisoo
- 10/10
- Repeat after me: YOU. ARE. NOT. MARRIED. TO. THIS. WOMAN.
- but it's Jisoo so I don't blame you 🤷♀️
Jennie
- 8/10
- definitely delulu but you're not as vocal about it
- you're mostly busy trying to fight off this 24/7 shitstorm that people fling at her, and I respect the grind 🫡
Rosé
- 1000/10
- consider journaling as a hobby and stop writing your fantasies on the internet. I BEG OF YOU- (this is also a self call out 🫣)
- "I bet she-" How about we NOT go there?????
Lisa
- 100000000000000/10
- Again, consider journaling as a HOBBY instead posting on the internet
- there's so many of you that the delulu is uncontrollable, so that's why the ranking is so high
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...hi? i'm back? (sorta)
this feels so weird like i feel like someone put me on a completely empty stage at my 7th grade talent show
uhhhh... hi everyone!
i honestly don't know what to say LMFAO like I've been thinking about it and the words just aren't flowing the way they should be, but hello! how are you all???? (if anyone is even still here)
i'll come out and say what some people might already suspect but im not involved in any of the fandoms i previously was at the same level anymore, so that's been making writing super duper hard. i've never been a fandom-y person, and when i started this blog i didn't think anyone was gonna read a single word that i had to say, but over time i started picking up a little community and i'm still forever grateful to you all for all the love and support you've shown me over the almost 2? 3? years
a lot has been going on in my personal life, namely getting adjusted to college and living away from home. my workload as a design student is extremely heavy, not giving me much time to really focus on my hobbies like writing during the year, and with the lack of inspiration it's really been hard to even think about coming back even part-time.
what exactly does this all mean?
well, firstly this is not goodbye! all my fics will still be up and available to be read, i lurk on this app quite a bit, and i have no intentions to quit tumblr for good!
additionally, i still want to try and finish within the valley! even tho im not as heavily involved in the MHA fandom as before, i love the story ive created and i still want to tell it. chapters are still being written as we speak and hopefully i can get something substantial out before the summer is over.
i don't want to make any promises i can't keep, so the main takeaway from this update should be im trying my very best. life has been beating everyones ass lately, and I've been treading water for a while, just trying to stay afloat. all i ask for is grace and patience (not that you've ever given me less than that)
there's not much else to this update, id love to know how everyone else is doing tho! i miss talking to you guys for sure! stay tuned for any news/updates i have in the coming weeks and thank you from the bottom of my heart!
lots of love,
peachii
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2022 Recap
Thank you @jjkeverlast for tagging me. This seemed like a ton of fun and was pretty nostalgic for me to go through! I've written roughly 400k this year which seems absolutely insane to me, and it all started with Mixtape back in very early April.
RULES:
post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)
your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year
your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year
your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year
your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!
TOP FIVE WORKS I'M PROUD OF
Carved
The Iron Ring
Mine
Don’t Read Dead Languages
Bite Me, Jeon
TOP FOUR WIPS
↳ Everyone knows about the new girl attending the academy. Taehyung has heard whispers about her since before their first day of school - the lone survivor from the destruction of the academy in London. Your arrival brings a tidal wave of weird happenings and mysterious disappearances. Everyone thinks you're a curse. But Taehyung thinks there is something about you that doesn't quite meet the eye.
↳ You've spent your entire life training to become the elite dragon rider everyone knew you would be. But just as you being to reach heights you never imagined, you learn that your history books have lied about the war of Fire and Ash and the fall of the enemy kingdom just across the sea, and the real history behind the forbidden Alchemy of Dragons.
↳The world loves Hoseok. They love his music, they love his energy on stage, they love the way he dances. He is adored, celebrated. No one would suspect that Hoseok has another hobby on the side of the flashing lights and glittering parties. No one knows that in an underground circle where money can buy you anything, Hoseok goes by the name Jack. And Jack is a very good serial killer. Until he meets you.
Omega Zero (bannerless)
↳Namjoon has lived his entire life knowing his purpose as an alpha. He always knew that he would be trained, prepared, and groomed to enter the ORD - Omega Retirement Division. In a world where humans have perfected the human condition by its creation of the beta, alphas and omegas are no longer required. Now the only thing left for alphas to do is what they do best: hunt down the omegas and retire them. But when Namjoon is assigned to a mysterious case of one of the last, elusive omegas in the city, his world turns upside down. Because Namjoon remembers Jungkook, and he's not quite sure if he can do what society demands of him.
TOP THREE IMPROVEMENTS
Writing smut, I think. Honestly, I owe a ton of my smut development to reading endless amounts of @here2bbtstrash and @nabiolive who write some of the most fantastic, toe-curling smut that you can imagine. Practice makes perfect and reading a lot of their writing helps my skill a ton.
World building. The Iron Ring was the first fantasy fic that I started on here, which is my preferred genre and it was a huge overall of world-building, establishing lore, and planning ahead and it is largely responsible for the dramatic increase in my ability to invent worlds and come up with ideas for other fics.
Being more inclusive - my first few fics on here are rampant with too many descriptions or attributions to reader that aren’t broad enough to fit enough audiences, but as I’ve written more I have tried to really hone in on making my works as inclusive as possible, which really relies on leaving any physical part of reader as blank as possible. I’m not perfect, but I am working endlessly on that.
TOP TWO RESOLUTIONS
Write a minimum of 200 words a day. It’s not a lot at all, but that way it will help slowly make progress every single day. 200 words is 100% doable, even on bad days so I really want to try this out.
Read more fics from other writers. It’s so hard to balance reading and writing in this space. I am constantly churning out content and when I’m not, I am trying to give myself the mental grace and break that I honestly should do more often, which means I don’t read other writer’s works because it feels like too much for my brain to do at the time. Next year, though, I really want to dedicate a single day to reading others works, which is totally stolen from @here2bbtstrash
ONE FAVORITE LINE I'VE WRITTEN
“You are beneath me in ways you cannot fathom.” - Carved, Chapter III
#this was kinda fun#feel free to steal and say i tagged u i hate tagging people i don't want them to feel pressure ok
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Heya im currently working on a book, it contains an arranged marriage, forbidden relationship and theyre royals.
however, ive no idea what to include in said book, like do i add a political element like a war? whos the villain? does the crown die and suddenly the main character is the king/queen! i just dont know and now im stuck.
any thoughts or advice for me?
Hey, anon! Hello and welcome!
Your story sounds cool, with classic and amazing tropes. A lot of good things can come out of that, for sure.
You seem to be in the brainstorming stage, right at the stage where you're deciding what you want before you start writing the thing itself. So keep in mind that it's okay not to have a very good idea of everything yet.
Here are some tips that might work, IMO:
Think about the theme and/or message. It doesn't have to be something deep. It doesn't need to revolutionize the world or induce a paradigm shift. It doesn't even have to be new. But it has to be something that helps you focus, see the point of your story and what you want to tell. Even the good old 'love conquers all' helps to put a focal point. For example, showing the two royals loving each other despite being a forbidden romance illustrates this well. So the challenges will have to try to break them and not get it permanently, reinforcing the theme. Hence, from these limits now placed, you can think what kinds of challenges would best illustrate. Studying your elements that you want to put in and why you like them will help you find your theme. Adventure and friendship in the face of challenges can hide a theme from the power of friendship, not losing faith that something will work hides a theme about hope. It's about what you want to go through.
Discover the genre of your story. From what you've told me, she has a lot of romance so you can already trace some things like you already did. Ask yourself, is my book all about romance or fantasy or another element also has prominence. For example, if it's a fantasy novel with a romance, the fantasy will also need problems and resolutions. Look up the conventions of the genre and try to work from them. It will help to assemble the previous stitch, inclusive.
Think about what you like. We tell stories about our points of view. Our opinions appear in our art because they are part of us. So, find what you like and put that in the book. Helps a lot.
Go berserker with your inspiration! Make music playlist, moodboard, jot down all ideas including weird sleep deprived ones at 3am! Look for things that remind you of your book and save it!
Search, Search, Search! Know how a plot works, what are character arcs. Writing is a skill, so we have to improve it.
Only share when you are ready. The pressure for validation is high, but showing it to the public ahead of time can ruin your motivation. I've been through that. Give yourself time to think.
And remember, you and only you are the author. Neither I nor anyone else can talk about what you are going to write. The story is yours and that is our greatest blessing and pleasure as authors. We can create worlds and plots as we want and no one else. Enjoy it. And don't worry if someone else will like it. The answer is yes. There is always. Someone already likes. You already like it. And I can tell you from experience, your love for your book will reflect and beautify your stories for others like no other method of outreach could. Nothing shows how amazing a book can be like the faith and love that we writers have for our stories.
I hope my advice can be useful. Writing is a strange but wonderful hobby. You'll do fine :)
Some useful blogs:
@writingwithcolor
@wordsnstuff
@pens-swords-stuffswords-stuff
@hyba
@writing-is-a-martial-art
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tagged by @thehairthefreak thank you for tagging me!! i do love an excuse to overshare with y'all
favorite time of the year? the very beginning of spring, when it's still comfortable temperatures out (i live in the very far south of the us so this is like the last time it's 70 degrees) but the flowers and bees are starting to come back, also halloween season
comfort food? definitely gumbo
favorite dessert? root beer float
things you collect? lil hobbies. i have adhd so i pick up so many creative hobbies. namely writing, bass, sewing, embroidery, those are the main ones. i might drop them for months at a time but i always come back and pick them up like no time has passed. also rocks
favorite drink? i don't drink alcohol if that's what this is talking about. all time favorite beverage is probably peach crush, but right now i am hyperfixating on lime cucumber gatorade (it's so weird)
favorite musical artist? loathe, hands down. i saw them live in april and it was the best day of my life. i gave myself whiplash from headbanging too hard and had bruises on my legs from moshers pushing all the front row ppl into the stage, and i got to meet them afterwards (except for erik he was busy) and they signed the vinyl i bought and gave me hugs and i just wish i had time to tell feisal he's the reason i started playing the bass again. i will try to next time they come to the us. also griffin taylor from vended (the first opener at that show) spit on me and i realized some things that day
last song listened to? echolalia by faetooth
last movie watched? the hobbit
last series watched? stranger things
currently watching? on my 5th rewatch of the last kingdom
current obsession? i think it's kind of obvious given the content of this blog ajgfhksdf
dream place to visit? i don't have a specific place in mind, but at some point during my upcoming vacation i want to drive far enough to see the actual night sky without all the light pollution
place you wanna go back to? i don't have an answer for this one bc i've never had the money or opportunity to go anywhere, except to the nearest big city for concerts. but i don't go because of the place it's for the concerts so i don't think it counts
something you want? not to be all existential and sad but literally just to exist freely as who i am without fearing for my safety irl that'd be fucking crazemazing
currently working on? 2 chaptered fics (1 stranger things + 1 cyberpunk2077) 1 oneshot and 1 that may end up as a chaptered fic, and may just end up being one long thing. also learning doomtech by vein.fm on the bass and attempting to sew a pocket into a pair of jeans that doesn't have one
tagging the first 5 mutuals on my dash (sorry if you've already been tagged/don't like these hdjshgks in that case just ignore): @eddiemunsonbby @metal-munson @dankpunks @t4teddie @eddies-guitar-pick
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Flirting and meeting new people
Hey y’all I didn’t really want this to be my first post on this blog but I just think it’s a good thing to talk about. When you find the courage to talk to someone you don’t know just because they are cute and not only do you get a reply back but you even start talking is an amazing feat. It takes a lot of work to get there, and I would know. Because when it comes to how I feel about myself it really took some guts. So yesterday I was proud of myself for going up to someone who I thought was cute (Although in hindsight that was a bad idea because he kinda looked like my ex but I mean it’s ok to have a type).
I put on my best perfume and I had on one of my cutest outfits and I went up and asked him if he had a snap (so juvenile I know) He gave me his insta instead and I followed him. We started a lil convo and he was so slick with that “What’s the name of your perfume I can’t get it out of my head,” stuff. Then we started talking again the next day and stuff. We talked about our hobbies and workouts and stuff.
Now of course my dumb behind was not paying attention to some red flags like the fact that he likes hunting or the more obvious thing was, HE STARTED TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIS FOOT FETISH. (Which honestly is not shaming anyone just like we met a day ago. Why are you telling me this but I digress). Honestly I felt a little bad after that tho because when I met him the day before I had not only done a foot peel but I put those cute toe tips on and had on a cute pair of wedges so my feet looked really good, and I mean if this was to become a relationship then that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
But this ladies and gents is not a love story. So we keep talking, I have no indication that anything is going south until I ask “Can I ask you a question.” Next thing I know is instagram telling me this user page has been deleted, So in my head I’m trying to figure out what I did wrong, even consulting my counsel of friends for advice on that situation. Only for my friend to show me that I’ve been blocked.
For what reason I don’t know. And honestly before I get ahead of myself I forgot to tell y’all the reason I said that was because he had some girl's profile tagged in his bio, (again another ignored red flag) I was just trying to figure out if I was some other woman before we even got to that stage. So to be for real with y’all even if he seems sweet off the jump a dude can still be weird.
I mean after all the sweet dude you can end up talking to a dude who’s only attracted to your feet and butt. But don’t take this as me saying don’t put yourself, please if you feel like you're ready for love or you just want to meet people then by all means do it. Just remember to stay safe when doing that because you never know who you're gonna find, take it from me.
(Now I'm gonna go write fanfictions about my favorite men to make myself feel better so check that out on afrowrites)
Your Best Black Girlfriend,
Afro~
XOXO
#blog#dating#dating advice#dating and relationships#black girls of tumblr#black girl blogger#girl blogger#tumblr blog#talkin to myself#dumb stuff#why are men like this#black girl relationships#finding love#and failing#we still here tho#relationship#life advice#note to self#things to think about#we are manifesting#a good boy
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Anxiety: Over planning, over detailing, and over perfecting
Day 13 - Nov 18, 12.023
Well, I'm still unsure if I will reset the counter, seeing how it was yesterday. But whatever, today's is Day 13! And because my, luck number? brand number? Is 013, why not a post that I kinda promised in my intro post in @guz013 when I entered on Tumblr?
This is a problem that probably everyone also has, even more when you work in creative fields and/or have some sort of anxiety. And I would say that is a two-sided knife, because planning is something which you should learn, but it can get out of hand easily. Which is exactly what always happens when I try creating something new.
The introduction post
Click here if you want to know what post I'm talking about.
When I wrote that post, I was in somewhat of a burst of inspiration/motivation, in the past days I was doing nothing, and needed to do something and start to be productive again. My mind can't really remember why I had that motivation burst, I unfortunately didn't note it somewhere, but sometimes you kinda just wake up with an idea and start doing it out of nowhere. So I remembered about Tumblr, how I wasn't really liking other social medias, and that I needed to create a blog at some point, so I did it.
But then anxiety and the need to plan something started. So I started to question myself if I should separate the blogs in topics, because coding and art in just one blog would feel weird somewhat, and because Tumblr had the option of side-blogs, I created one for each topic with this idea of each one being of one topic that I like and maybe one more personal to post more randomly and just post things such gaming or whatever that is more hobby-ish than work-ish - and as you can see now, the personal one now is where I talk about everything pretty most. - Before starting to post on Tumblr, I just explored it a little, and saw that people made intro post or pinned post to give basic info about them and their blogs, so again, I planned/thought on how I should make one.
I never made an actual intro post in any social media, and something that worried me is that I was "uninvited" to be here in someway, every social media has its own culture and community in some shape or another, and the only thing I knew really was from videos of r/tumblr pretty most. So, to me, I needed to explain everything and even say why I was here in the first place, which kinda difficult writing in a more natural and relaxed way. I checked a lot more to see if my English was correct and if somehow it could pass the tone that I didn't want, if I said everything, how could I place the tags in a way that didn't feel too unnecessary or just "hey, give me attention/retention!". Just the idea of placing another social media listed there was wrong for some reason, I didn't want to it to feel like a brand or advertising in someway.
The same process repeat to the pinned posts and other intro posts for the other blogs. In the art blog, things such as "should I talk as it was myself or my fursona/persona?", "is this "Hewo!" on the pinned post too cringe?" and "should I draw something new just to the pinned and intro posts?", which made me postpone the writing of them even more, and now you can also see why my code and this blog haven't an intro and pinned posts to this day.
A recurring problem
The process that said posts had, is something which happens also in my projects/brands a lot, but with different worries. My entire dream of creating the A Capital brand was abandoned for years because I tried to always see how I could plan and protect things such as copyright and trademark usage of it, which is pretty much impossible to do at this stage. The Lored brand had the same things, and no just that, but also the identity of it changed over time because I never felt satisfied with it, and something such as creating the README.md of the organization on GitHub, and pretty much for every single project, had the same worries as the introduction posts here.
Something which is happening now, is that I'm trying to reorganize my organizations on GitHub again, because I didn't want to mix personal projects, for-developers projects, and end-user projects - why? "Because someone that want to contribute can feel lost, or I can have problems managing permissions for each repository, etc." - and now my paradigm is: My user profile: learning projects, dotfiles, etc.; Lored: developer focused projects, libraries, tools; Guz's Projects (now to be Capytal Code): End user, commercial projects, applications.
And I don't need to say why and even how much of a nightmare is managing my other social media accounts and trying to have things such as the same profile picture for each one.
No one cares
This is something which I always try to say to myself: stop it, no one cares enough or will notice the imperfections, and you can plan and do the rest after. And it is true, no one cared about my introduction post, and even if in the future any of these profiles ends up having some sort of attention, no one will really see them or care enough to see the errors or appreciate the details really. And that fucking ok, I'm not the protagonist of the world, just of my own life, but that also the problem, I'm the one who will actually care and notice, I'm my worst critic.
And in the end, I will want to make something perfect to be proud of. But most of the time, actually, all of them, I will need to compromise and understand that good enough is not a problem, and maybe I can improve it in the future.
You can't predict the future
Something which I need to improve daily and is one of the main things which I talk with my therapist about, and independent of the level of anxiety you have, and even if you don't have any, it's still hard to overcome. I always try to plan things in advance, in a way very often I won't do anything if I didn't expect to be doing it some time before, I want to be organized and decrease the amount of unpredictable things that happens, primarily the bad ones, from my life. But I can't predict the future, and I end up more living in the future instead of planning it.
This type of feeling and anxiety really increased when I started dating my girlfriend, because we are in a long distance relationship, and you need to have some sort of plan of when and/or how you will visit each other, and even more, how you will live with each other in the future. For this reason now I'm hoping to get a job within the next year, because I need to stabilize myself until this possible future come. But let's just say that trying to plan when you are anxious and insecure is not the best things, and I have to admit that a lot of times we discuss because I want to know how we will do something which we simply cannot know how it will be in this stage, we have at least two years until that future, and a lot of things can happen in this time period. Thankfully since the start of the relationship, my anxiety and insecurity improved a lot, but there are still some day which I end up vulnerable to some thoughts, unfortunately.
Writing this blog
Creating this blog, I would say that somehow helped me a lot on improving this problem of trying to perfect or plan everything. These daily journals, normally I try to write right when I'm preparing my morning coffee, and very often I don't have a theme or actual subject to talk when I sit down with my laptop. When I open my note-taking app and create a new note to write on, I try to just create a good title, and then I start writing based on that title's subject. That's it, never go back a paragraph or another to correct something (except for wrong grammar/spelling), I write a sentence after the other and that's it, without worrying if it has the best structure, storytelling, or even if it is totally within in theme of the title after some paragraphs. Each post, most of the days take around two hours to make, even more the ones with this size-length, and I don't want to spend more than it on each one, it would take a lot more hours if I was reworking entire paragraphs and trying to perfect everything.
And I really don't know why this happens just for this journal, maybe the time constraint in general, but knowing that I don't need to perfect everything, plan what topic to write each day, or delete entire paragraphs to make something good enough, really helps prove to myself that not everything needs to be so rigid and planned before. Being honest, I love how even knowing that these posts have a some sort of structure, it is simply just me writing word after word like I would say out loud to someone, it is just more natural and makes these post be actually a thing that can be pinpointed to me because of it. I still try to give attention, try to prevent from saying too much of my personal life and I worry about things like tone or if I can offend or generalize wrongly something, but I can apologize and edit after if I need to. Everyone makes mistakes and tells something not so good in a conversation sometimes, and that's ok if you recognize it.
The other side of the knife
To finish it off, I also want to remind myself that this problem is also something which can help sometimes. Planning is a good skill to have, and when your mental health kinda forces it to do so, you can at least learn something about this skill. Perfectionism can be something good, and it is natural when you love what you create, you will want to make it perfect and something to be proud of, and in can make you want to learn more and more to improve yourself and your skills.
But like everything in life, and like everyone else already knows to say but not to actually do, balance is everything.
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Today's artists & creative things
Album: Adeus, Aurora - by Supercombo - I already recommended a song of this band, but now I actually want to give a spot just for them and one of their albums. Every time I start listening to them, the songs of this album pops up, and I can recognize from where they are. This album has a beat that I would just call balanced, it has enough hard guitar, drums, beats that I like, but also big stops and buildups to not be overwhelming or "hard".
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Copyright (c) 2023-present Gustavo "Guz" L. de Mello <[email protected]>
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0) License
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εїз (All your muses)
Send “εїз” to hear a Headcanon the Mun hasn’t been able to organically implement into the blog yet (X)
k this is under a cut cause shit i got a lot of muses lmao
Hawkeye: lucky has been trained as a hearing assist dog, i know its on his character page but like. i havnt really gotten to use it much and the good boy deserve to be acknowledged for all he does for clint lol
Boone: boone is so fucking touched starved like yes we all know this its practically canon but like. the first time this man receives a hug from anyone he breaks because lets be real he hasnt hugged anyone since his wife
Deacon: god the trauma around his lying and the fact that he forgets what hes lied about. he genuinely cannot remember what he does and does not like anymore or even events that have actually happened or ones hes made up, everything is too tangled up in his head, legit someone get this man a journal or something he needs help
Mondo: he eventually takes up little creative hobbies like knitting and stuff!! he makes little sweaters for whenever he gets a dog (which better be a service dog i stg im literally begging someone to get this man some help) and his friends get little things too but only taka knows he makes them himself instead of buying them like he says <3
Gundham: the languages this man can speak!! asl is good for training animals, and is obviously necessary for ones that are deaf, but he knows a little bit of so many languages for the same reasons!! he rescues so many animals that he feels need him so its only natural that not all of them are able to understand him because they were trained under something different. he knows a bit of french and spanish (mostly only because those are the most common where i live and its easier for my brain) and can give basic commands and such in them!! hes so big brained!!! he deserves to be acknowledged for this!! and his big heart!!!! he does so fucking much for his animals and i love him for it
Kaz: the reason why he never locks his doors is because his parents would get pissed they couldnt go in his room and such and would accuse him of hiding things from them. if his bedroom door was locked, it got kicked down no questions asked. hes had things stolen from his shop and his room because he just. cant lock his doors, theres a mental block there he just cant do it. someone needs to tell him hes allowed to have privacy i stg no one is going to break his door down or anything unless he Dying on the other side
Fuyuhiko: remember when i made a post once that kaz gave him a little bright pink water pistol as a joke and he still has it? yeah i really want him to scare the shit outta someone with it before squirting them with water like. i want him to have fun!! he deserves fun!!!!!
Asahi: he has. so much weird shit in his room like hes into weird and creepy dead things hes not all pure and cute and soft sunshine. he can tell you every stage of every poison ever as it kills someone. he can tell you how to hide a body. he as skulls in his room. actual fucking animals skulls and one that even looks human ????? no one knows where he gets them from but his room is the home of nightmares. also birds. so many fucking birds
Charlotte: her prosthetic!! shes missing part of her leg from like the mid thigh, and its a really high end thing one of her dads built but its not perfect and i really wanna write her dealing with it breaking down or phantom pains and such!!
Oliver: he may look hecking tiny but holy shit can he eat. no one knows where it all goes but he may even be able to give akane a run for her money, just maybe not as fast as she can mow through food
Garrus: he eventually learns to paint!! please let him have hobbies outside of the war and calibrating oh my god. tali and/or shepard gives him one of those paint by numbers meant for little kids and he loves it!! he loves it so much!!!!! he has trouble holding a paint brush but still!!!!!
Teddy: he can dance!! swing dancing is his favorite please someone take him dancing hed have so much fun!!
Mordecai: oh the ptsd this man fucking has. hes lost so much, almost died a couple times, was an alcoholic, recovered, is probably more scars then person, literally jumped from 'friends' to 'married with a kid' with brick like. hes been through so goddamn much its gotta leave some scars that no amount of shooting shit and new fancy guns can help
#i forgot how many fucking muses i had until right now hfjskfdh#some of these ive kind of touched upon but not as much as i would like you know#headcanons
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I just wanted to say - I really really love reading your analysis posts! You explain things so well and you're always so thorough in your analysis!
I was wondering if you could talk about how to write yandere characters so that they feel fresh? I find it really hard to come up with yandere characters without them feeling trope-y and kinda same-y. I guess I'm kinda in a bit of a creative rut. Otherwise, do you have any recs for media that take a unique spin on the yandere trope?
Hi there! Thank you so much. Haha, I'm glad that my analysis is clear since sometimes I feel like I'm kinda just rambling on about stuff and I kind of lose track of my original ideas sometimes (I guess it's fine? Writing is hard but I do my best) and I'm really grateful that people find it fun to read or interesting to read! Still, lately, I've been having a hard time coming up with good analysis posts to write about, so if anyone has any suggestions it would be very heavily appreciated, haha.
As for tips, I'll do my best to give some advice on how to write more fresh(?) yanderes, but for the most part, I feel like it's going to be more general writing tips. This is also more applicable to yanderes that are written with a story in mind. Hope it still helps you though, haha.
The first thing I'd say is to create the character before creating the yandere. This might sound kind of weird, but - at least from what I can tell- any character can be turned into a yandere, which is evident in yandere!characters that are in tumblr and other fanfiction places. For me, at least, it's important to at least establish basic characterization before making a yandere oc, so that the character itself isn't completely defined by the yandere archetype. It doesn't have to be super complicated at this stage, but having a general idea of how a character acts or how they are presented is a good way for at least a basis on how they may act as a yandere, and having other goals or hobbies can give more flavor to what the characters are like. A character that is more charismatic will act differently as a yandere that is more antisocial, just as a yandere who has strong morals may have different ideas than one that is morally gray.
Consider the role in the story and why or how they achieve it. Obviously, when it comes to yanderes, the goal is always tied to the s/o somehow, whether it be for their benefit or against it, which is already a huge thing for a character since that means that they have their basic driving force in the story already checked out. What purpose do they have in the story and why is it important? I'm going to dump my own oc in here as an example because of course, I am (I also keep on moving his purpose in the story too much but whatever), but Beta's main purpose in his story is to be an antagonist towards the main character Alpha and Scientist, who are living together. Because Alpha is much physically stronger than Beta, he can't use force to get rid of her and has to use other tactics such as manipulation to get rid of her. This is important for Alpha because it forces her away from Scientist, who is what's preventing her from going into an eventual downward spiral later in the story. Obviously, the purpose of the yandere will always be tied to the s/o, but there are a lot of ways to do it. One role that's more primary role is protecting their s/o will be different than the one that's primary role is to get rid of everyone around them, and the ways on how they achieve it might be different as well, again based on their own personalities, strengths, and actions.
Ask a lot of questions about your ocs. It can be more serious and in-depth things like their backstories or fears, or it can be more silly like how many rubber ducks they can balance on their heads. The general idea is to flesh out your character as much as possible and perhaps think about why specific answers are the way they are. If you have an ask blog, the people who ask you the questions allow you to think more deeply about things you might not have considered before, whether they be more silly or detailed. If your character can balance a lot of rubber duckies on their head, it might show that they have good balance, are silly enough to own that many rubber duckies, or can show just how determined they are to balance them all on their heads. In terms of yanderes, you might want to ask more questions related to tropes that yanderes are associated with. Are they more likely to directly fight back against someone that might hurt their s/o or are they more indirect? How willing are they to hurt their s/o? If the yandere is not already with the s/o, what is preventing them from being together? Is the s/o aware of the yandere tendencies and if so, how do they react to it? How would the yandere react if the s/o asked them to kill them or kill themselves? What tactics would they use if they were to get rid of someone? Questions like this might help in making some interesting yanderes in the long run.
Another thing that I like to do is to think of weird scenarios or "What If" Questions for plots/yanderes. This is more obvious when you do know the general cliches of yanderes, but try to think of what-if scenarios of things that you wouldn't normally find yanderes doing. For instance, most yanderes are antagonistic, or are normally rather morally gray, but could it be possible to write a yandere that's lawful good or neutral good? Because a lot of yanderes tend to have a lot of power, what if there was a yandere that had struck rock bottom and was climbing his way up to the top to a s/o who had it all? Yanderes are usually depicted as being always loving towards their s/o, so what if there were a yandere that had a hate-love relationship with their s/o and how would that work? Many yanderes are very manipulative and think ahead of their s/o, but what if their s/o was the one thinking ahead? What if a yandere had to forcibly change bodies constantly, how would they be able to be with their s/o? What if the yandere is destined to end up with someone else than the s/o, what would they do to combat it? Lots of fun questions like this might help with making an interesting yandere and seeing what they would do.
The final thing is to consume lots of different media. The best way to get ideas is to look at other people's ideas, and this doesn't always have to be yandere related. In some cases, something completely different from what you would like might help you build something new, and learning new things helps you think up new ideas.
Obviously, there's no way to make anything completely original and for a lot of yanderes, they still will be restrained to the same or similar things (stalking, violence, and imprisonment will always be staples of the yandere genre, even if not all yanderes do these things), but using these things in different situations or having different reasons for doing these things might help with making a good character.
Here's a list of interesting yanderes that might help you:
What If… Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?- Kind of a dark AU of Doctor Strange, but it does give a good depiction of how living the past can suffocate people and it shows the dark end of a yandere that succeeds and destroys everything.
Warehouse - Didn't really expect a yandere to pull off a revenge scheme with their s/o, but here it is.
I Don't Want This Kind of Hero - Long and I always recommend it, but it is interesting seeing the yandere commit crimes to gain the attention of the s/o that hates him.
World End: Debugger - I'm a sucker for killing game-style stuff and it's interesting to see how they work together, despite yandere hiding his obsession towards the main character.
He’s Harmless, I Swear! - Probably been recommending this one too much, but it is a good look into a more harmless yandere that can still pack drama into a pretty realistic relationship.
Infatuation - A game/wattpad story but I do think it's interesting how the different yanderes act towards the MC and how they change because of the MC's actions. You got lots of different yandere types in this one, that's for sure.
Akkun to Kanojo -I haven't really seen a tsundere yandere before, so this one was interesting. It's also a comedic series and the manga is translating.
Anyways, hopefully, all this stuff ended up helping you!
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Hi!! I've been following your blog for a while and you're such a jack of all trades and I really respect that. I wonder where you learn the things you learn about? I feel like I lost a little bit of curiosity in university due to the stress to get good grades. Maybe even more specifically how do you go about when learning for fun? Whether you answer this or not thank you for all the stuff you share on your blog, it has really broadened my horizon.
tips for learning and expanding your interests. 💡
frequent a spot in your favorite room reserved only for deliberate daydreaming. a chair, corner of your bed, wherever you want. put a to-do list somewhere next to it. at the point where you forgot that the list is there, it starts filling with things your want to look up online almost automatically.
install a battery-powered light at your bedside and place said list right — for nighttime — beside your pillow. with a pen you write somewhat legibly with. and it shouldn’t leak to keep the sheets clean. go to bed a bit earlier than usual. your brain is still working at high-speed, your inhibition is lowered because it’s night time, and you lay still on your pillow. guess what happens. you keep on switching on the light to quickly note something down that you’re curious about or want to do. also makes you look forward to the next day. you’ll also be less forgetful and ‘accidentally organized’ as i call it.
the youtube algorithm takes you places if you feed it well, in the most unsuspecting moments. yes it’ll give you things to distract yourself but even those videos have value. and — lead you to many a google rabbit hole that will be worth it.
know that the education system ties learning to your self-worth and sense of survival through grades i.e. either a feeling of shame or victory. that this understanding of knowledge operates inside you when you pursue your hobbies is something to observe. i don’t say struggle to get rid of it since it’s already ingrained, just watch when it happens and remind yourself that you want to learn for enjoyment. to reinforce that, drop unfulfilling hobbies religiously.
every interest you develop has a forum with masterposts in it. and people of all stages of knowledge.
stress is not a knowledge-killer, denying yourself of new things is.
your learning type determines everything. i learn visually and have bought books just because the illustrations were nice and learned something along the way.
there’s a reason why all great thinkers and teachers preferred isolation instead of much social input even if they shared their most brilliant ideas and had peers. socializing is just back and forth or communication of what’s already there. you operate more from belief systems and psychological needs in conversation, even in uni classes. unless you date socrates, you won’t learn new things since you’re in belief system and give-me-love mode. if you’re alone, you aquire times the interests according to your own pace, format, choice. even original ideas come your way in the most random manner.
write fics. story research makes authors almost omniscient if they do it for long enough. PS: i wrote the most fics while i was busiest at uni. the heightened activity gave a bonus impulse. time is no excuse, only lack of ideas and drive are.
weird and particular interests are good interests. most niche topics lead to central topics if you’re preoccupied with it for years.
instead of sighing about being stuck in a fandom, seeing the reason for it and exploring its multiple content formats will get you back on track. once you embrace fandom, it helps you branch out again, and you regain other hobbies.
if people send asks to your blog about a variety of topics and you select what you want to answer well, sooner or later you gain advanced knowledge in several topics. expert knowledge if you naturally stay invested. it has to happen automatically.
don’t be afraid of putting your private interests on your blog as well as presenting several. even contradicting topics are great if not perfect to make it all well-rounded. few people will be able to pigeonhole you either, nor will you end up with polarized interests.
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Pond Diving - Supernatural-Jackles
Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!
Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.
“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You
Name: Jen
Age: 24
Location: Ontario, Canada
URL: @supernatural-jackles
Why did you choose your URL: I wanted a Supernatural theme for my blog when I started watching it and Jensen Ackles just happens to be my favourite on there so it became that.
What inspired you to become a writer: I’ve always enjoyed stories. I’ve loved the aspect of taking your mind to a whole other world and living in it. As I grew up and continued reading, my love for stories became stronger and stronger. I fell in love with characters and places. I wanted to always have a way to go back to those places and take other people to those places. I wanted to create stories for others to fall in love with the way I fell in love with them.
How long have you been writing: I have been writing since I was 8 or 9.
What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? Right now, my Nintendo switch is a good friend of mine. Due to the virus, I spend a lot of my time inside when I’m not at work. I’m either writing, working, sleeping or playing switch.
How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since 2012
Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I am in the Harry Potter fandom, and Marvel. I don’t write for them though. I don’t feel the same way about the characters as I do with the SPN Fandom.
Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I have been working on my novel for the last two years on and off. I just find a lot more joy in writing Supernatural fanfiction at the moment, so my soul focus has stayed on that.
Favorite published author: Margaret Atwood or John Green
Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: There was this one book I read. I was about 18 at the time I believe. All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. A very triggering book, just so you know. I remember sitting there reading it and wondering why I’m putting myself through something so draining and daunting. The book was very upsetting and I found it didn’t tackle the issues at hand in a very tasteful and realistic way. As someone who writes fanfiction about mental health, it influenced me to be open and honest about the way reality is, but in a way that would shine more positively towards mental health struggles. I never wanted to be that person who ruined every mental health book for someone else like that author did for me. It was a negative impact, but I think it had some positive results.
Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I enjoy all genres to be honest. It really all depends on the mood I’m in that day. It’s fun to switch it up every once in a while and enjoy the mixed emotions you get when you read or write said genre.
Favorite piece of your own writing: One and One Make Three or Just Want to Be Loved.
Most underrated fic you have written: I might have to say More Than a Fling. It was the sequel to Summer Fling and everyone was interested in a second series. It soon went on permanent hiatus due to lack of interest.
Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Owe You One
Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @kaz-2y5imagines, @jawritter @mariekoukie6661, @torn-and-frayed
Favorite fic from another writer: Breathe by @luci-in-trenchcoats
Favorite character to write: Dean/Jensen
Favorite Pairing to write: Undecided. I love reader inserts and I haven’t done many pairings other than that. I have toyed with Jensen/Reader/Danneel before and I enjoy writing them.
Least favorite character to write (and why): Castiel. We only see so much of Cas and there aren’t as many complex layers of him so he’s harder for me to explore.
Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? @luci-in-trenchcoats
Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? Finish everything I start, and be proud of every piece I create.
How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Ummm probably upwards to the mid 60’s I want to say.
What are you currently working on? I am in the very early stages of writing a Jensen x Reader Bodyguard AU series. Twisty and turny and very different from what I usually write, but still very me.
“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing
What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? I have the biggest influence on my writing for the most part. I always stick with what I want to write and what I’d love to read. That’s what gets me started on most pieces. My dear best friend who shall remain anonymous, has an influence on me as well. She mostly inspires me to write what I want to write and reminds me on a constant basis that I am doing good and to keep going with my ideas.
Best writing advice you've been given: Don’t be afraid to get a little out of your comfort zone.
Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Time management mostly. Deadlines are not my best friend, that’s for sure. I am often filled with a lot of self-doubt when it comes to getting things done on time. Then I wonder if it’s good enough for publishing or if I should wait.
What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? The research process for certain fics can be daunting. Especially if you don’t know where you need to start looking. Then fact checking, and making sure it works in the story. I have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end.
Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am pretty open with writing most of the things I want to. Getting out of my comfort zone is something I regularly do. It’s always fun to challenge yourself into writing something you’d never think of doing. I certainly have enjoyed the things I was scared to try and it was worth it in the end.
What inspires/motivates you to write: Any selfie/picture posted by Jensen. My best friend and the lovely people around me. @luci-in-trenchcoats is a big influence on me and she always keeps me going!
How do you deal with self doubt: I constantly have to remind myself to get out of that headspace unless I am writing about being in that headspace. It’s a hard cycle to break. Reminding myself that what I am doing is making me happy. I’m making the rules. I’m writing this for me. I have to please myself first and that’s what matters the most. I know myself and the way I write, and that is enough. That’s what I keep on repeat in my head.
How do you deal with writer's block: Cry profusely? I’m kidding. Writer’s block for me, usually comes from something I don’t like that I have written. If it’s minor, I go back to the point where I was happy with where the story was going and delete everything after that. Give it a fresh new start and prospective. If the block is more severe, I take a break. Watch a movie and don’t stress myself about it. I get ideas anywhere, and it will come back eventually. Sometimes it’s just your brain's way of saying “hey, you need to take a break. Do that.”
Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Generally yes. I like to know where my story is going. Most of the time my outlines are more extensive rough drafts. It’s a way of processing my thoughts and writing them down so I don’t forget later. It’s a lot more fun for me to build on stories.
Do you have any weird writing habits: I either have to sit in a silent room, or I have to listen to music. Lately it’s been more silent. It depends on the subject.
Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I’ve received my share of hateful comments. Each one sucks, I’m not going to lie. Knowing that there is someone out there that hates the way you wrote something so much that they had to tell you isn’t nice. It kind of comes back to the self doubt thing. You have to remind yourself that this is one person’s not so kind opinion. You are the writer, you are in control of this story. This is you and you’re proud of this.
Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Any feedback is my favourite feedback. Every heart, every “I love this”. Every “You’re my favourite.” I can’t pick a favourite. If someone can take the time out to say they’ve loved something I have written and that it meant a lot to them, then that's the best reward I can get.
If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Keep writing everyday! You don’t see it now but the more you write, the better you get.
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No Returns, No Exchanges
Disclaimer: I have debated for quite a while whether or not I should post this blog. Social media is such a curated space for joy and happiness, it can feel oppressive at times. There is so much life-changing positivity, from engagements to new jobs; and don’t get me wrong, that happiness is great to see. But on the other hand, all of that positivity makes me feel like sharing any kind of negative information is attention-seeking and an immense overshare. So let’s ask ourselves why I feel that way. Why is happiness celebrated while the sad, sometimes harsh realities of life are thought to be oversharing? More specifically, why do we feel like life-changing news can only be shared when it doesn’t make other people uncomfortable? Our expressions of pain should not be regulated by the comfort levels of the people who surround us. There comes a time when not sharing something begins to feel like hiding something, and hiding something turns to shame. That is a feeling that I refuse to welcome into my life right now. So here we go.
It has been a while since I posted anything… a really long while. It has been rare, these past few years, that I have even felt I had anything much to say let alone write anything, mostly because my life has been fairly normal, fairly unextraordinary, and I am rather blessed to be saying that during such a difficult time for so many. The few moments where I have felt like I had something to say have been fleeting, and after a good 2am word vomit on paper, I have filed these musings under “not to be seen by the light of day” which is probably for the best.
Sometimes in the past I would find myself wishing I had something interesting going on in my life, something worthy of commentary… I don’t know, I was thinking like a cool hobby, an interesting skill, a kick-ass career, or a run in with Tom Hardy like I’d always dreamed of… something.
Well, to whoever is in charge, this is not what I meant, and I would like to request a refund.
Because as its final parting kick in the ass 2020 decided to gift me with breast cancer. This isn’t a bad punch line, it’s just the truth.Let me give you a second to process that one. I certainly needed a few.
The thing is, a little itty bitty 3-centimeter tumor- that’s not something I can give back, as much as I might want to. It’s not a too-large sweater you can return with a gift receipt, and it’s not a bad haircut you can complain about and get your money back (though it certainly will include one in a week or so!)
A lot of you already know this story and frankly it’s not one I can tell with much finesse or humor, so I will keep it brief. It was a dark and stormy 6pm when I found a lump in my breast in the shower back in November. My initial thought was “you’re a crazy lady and a hypochondriac, let’s give it a few weeks since this is probably nothing.” A few weeks, when my imaginary lump seemed to not actually be imaginary, I figured okay, it’s time to see my doctor, it’s probably nothing but we need to make sure. I was in fact so unconcerned about it that I didn’t even see my regular doctor. I figured I just needed a medical professional to feel me up and let me know what to do next. I didn’t even bother mentioning it to my parents. (For context of my laissez-faire, when I was 14 I found a lump in my breast that turned out, after little fanfare, to be a cyst which was unceremoniously drained on a cold metal table by a male doctor in a somewhat traumatizing but ultimately benign event. That’s a longer story for later).
Cue a physical exam, confirming I was not crazy and there was a lump, but it was probably nothing; an utltrasound, confirming the lump was a shape that they did not like, but it was probably nothing; and an ultrasound guided biopsy, in which the probably nothing was sampled. The week between Christmas and New Year’s was spent impatiently waiting for the news, increasingly feeling that my probably nothing was maybe, actually something.
On December 28 around lunch time I received a phone call in the middle of the work day from the radiologist, who while very nice, was someone I had only met once while she shot a needle in and out of my boob. She asked me how I was doing and then told me my test results were in. “I’m sorry to say it’s not good news,” she said.
And believe it or fucking not my immediate thought was “It’s not good news… it’s great news!” My brain supplied this as if on autopilot like some kind of 90s game show host, knowing fully well that I would not be so lucky because we are not living in a Brooklyn 99 episode. It’s weird where your brain goes under duress.
It was one of the most uncomfortable phone calls I have ever had, wherein I found myself trying to reassure a complete stranger that I was okay and I’m pretty sure I even said, “it is what it is.” I was told a breast surgeon and oncologist from my provider network would be in contact and the call ended. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with Stage 1B Triple Negative Invasive Ductal and Lobular Carcinoma. No returns, no exchanges.
I am two months into my diagnosis, and 1/8 of my way through chemotherapy, the first part of a three series treatment (to be followed by surgery and then likely radiation.) This Friday, after my second chemotherapy treatment, I will begin to lose my hair. Anyone who knows me at all knows that the hair loss will be a pill likely far harder for me to swallow than the chemo itself. And while the look may have worked for Demi Moore in GI Jane, I do not have her bone structure, nor her body. I anticipate I will look more like the yellow peanut M&M, which while obviously the best M&M of the bunch, I think we can all agree is not a cute look for me.
I do not say this to be melodramatic, I just say this because I am cynical and pragmatic by nature: I am not particularly surprised that I have cancer. And this is for several reasons, some of which probably deserve a longer blog later. To put it simply, I have been surrounded by cancer, both by choice and by cruel fate and happenstance, my entire life.
Cruel Fate and Happenstance: Having several relatives who have gone through cancer, and a mother with a BRCA 1 genetic mutation (which I had a 50% chance of inheriting, and in fact did) I always figured it would eventually happen to me. The odds this condition dealt me? “About 13% of women in the general population will develop breast cancer sometime during their lives. By contrast, 55%–72% of women who inherit a harmful BRCA1 variant… will develop breast cancer by 70–80 years of age.” That 55-72% is the kind of percentage you want winning the lottery, but the lottery this most certainly is not, and that much I understood. So, I always figured something like this would probably happen. Did I think I would be 28? No. But I figure that just makes me an overachiever.
Choice: I volunteered at a cancer support non-profit from the time I was 12 to the time I was 22, and I wrote my college senior thesis in anthropology on women with ovarian cancer, the cancer that killed my aunt Lizzy when I was 4 years old. I have likely read more books on cancer than your average newly diagnosed person, which I find to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I know some of what’s coming. On the other hand, I know some of what’s coming. Of course I don’t think any of these things gave me cancer but you might say I have been training for this my whole life. I think this joke is far funnier than pretty much everyone I say it to except my immediate family, because the Tenney/Koss folk are very big on gallows humor, in which case this is hilarious. Comedy is our family coping mechanism, and I am guilty of occasionally forgetting not everyone is wired like that.
So where are we right now? Taking it day by day. Do I frequently find myself wallowing in self-pity these days? Sure. But all the same I feel truly lucky. This is a feeling I am trying to hold on to, because I think the other options might be truly unbearable. Why? Well, I found this tumor. I’m 28-years-old, which means I am hardly old enough for a regular mammogram and MRI. My last yearly physical was a TeleHealth appointment (hence no actual physical) and I will be honest, I never made a habit of regularly checking myself like I should have. But this tumor just presented itself casually during a shower. Breast cancer, when caught early, is highly treatable and curable, and I am fairly confident, knock on wood, that is where this particular nightmare is headed. The fact that it was caught early: pure luck.
Another reason I feel lucky is for the most part, I feel like I actually have the stability to handle the oncoming struggle. I have a large and wonderful support system, an incredible and supportive partner, a savings account with actual savings in it, and a job where I am cared about as a human. If this had happened to me three years ago, almost none of these things would be true. There will never be a good time to have cancer, but some times are apparently better than others. Of course, the ongoing pandemic means I can’t have people go with me to chemo, or my wig fitting, or my surgery consultations, and alone a lot of this seems much more daunting and difficult than it might otherwise have been, but I am trying to make a habit of counting my blessings, and despite this terrible thing I’ve been given, my blessings are many.
There isn’t a “right way” to have cancer, but I think there might be a “right way” for me. I am a private person and I find sharing some of these details difficult and more than a little uncomfortable, but I am also intimately familiar with the healing nature of writing and comedy, so I am going to give it a shot.
And now that I think of it… the peanut M&M is going to make a really great Halloween costume.
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Blog #1: The Beginning
05/25/2021
Welcome to my, I have no clue what I’m doing so bare with me, travel blog!! For these next few weeks, I will be driving across the country and back, hitting around 19 states in 8-weeks.
Post grad life is a strange in between stage of: YES I DID IT and oh fuck I think I’m supposed to be an adult now. That comes with the constant question circling like a gnat on a hot summer day... So what’s next?
Honestly Grandma, Aunt Karen, Uncle John and Kyle’s mom’s lesbian partner, I have no fucking clue so please stop asking!!!!
But my actions are an answer to that question. I chose to postpone that whole adult career thing for a little longer. So I’m traveling for two months and I will avoid that question “What’s Next?”
COVID-19 really messed up the picture perfect ending of college, nevertheless, I still managed to have a blast every night in a “socially distant” manner ;)
Traveling has always been a dream of mine, and I always assumed it would be there when I was ready and I would be ready when it got here. Sheeshhh was I wrong... who would have imagined a pandemic closing down not only our borders to other countries, but state borders as well.
It’s now been over a year since I have left New York State, and quite frankly, I am ready to explore. So naturally I got home from college a week ago and now I am off...
Who
Who cares...
Three girls, one car... How bad could it be? No, really, if we come back with bruises and cuts all over, I didn’t “fall down the stairs” or “walk into a door”...it’s official, our cycles have linked and we have gone mad.
The goal is to meet new people along the way, people that touch our lives and make this trip more spectacular. And maybe we will touch some lives as well.
I can only imagine that who we are now will change and evolve throughout our journey, having only started this trip with hopes and dreams. When reality sets in, things will change, and discoveries about ourselves will begin to happen.
Self-discovery is such an important aspect of this trip for all three of us. Personally, by not having any clue what I want to do for the rest of my life, I hope the open mindedness of my current state will help me find joy in the simple life and give me insight into my future.
What
Whatever man...
Eight weeks of sight seeing, connecting to ourselves and trying new hobbies.
I hate jumping the gun and announcing any new hobbies because, 10 out of 10 times, I do one for a week and give up on that bullshit.
And sorry in advance if this blog takes a back seat... My plan is to prioritize life's natural beauties and learning.
I’ve always wanted to start writing but was never inspired, and fiction isn't up my ally... I have the imagination of a 12-year-old boy, so go about that as you please :)
While trying to disconnect myself to the social world as best as I can, this new digital age is not going anywhere and as a Communications major, I am not escaping its black hole effect anytime soon.
Blogging makes this feel less Gen Z and more “intellectual” if you will.
I hope to keep this blog updated once at the end of every week, including the stops made within the week and the Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How’s of that weeks adventures. With some room for special surprises:)
Overtime this blog will hopefully shape into what it needs to be. I researched many ways to blog and nothing caught my attention, so why would it catch yours? Here I am trying out my own version of this, so feedback is greatly appreciated in finding new fun ways to keep y’all entertained!
Where
Where are we...
Give or take, there will be 19 states we will stay in. Starting in New York, we will slowly move down south and wrap back around. I won’t be revealing the locations until the following week's blogs, or on my Instagram and Facebook.
We have secured 75% of the locations we will be staying at, and the rest is a fuck it. Hopefully finding some first come first serve campgrounds, or we’ll just sleep in the car.
When in these locations, we will either be camping or staying in motels/hotels in cities. Trying to do this the cheapest way we can think of, my glizzy art might just have to make a reappearance (If you don’t know what glizzy is, hop off this blog right now and go to Urban Dictionary. And if you are not familiar with my glizzy art, well you probably should have followed me on snapchat during the last month of college in a pandemic).
When
When in Rome...
Tomorrow people, it’s happening...
If you are reading this today, its tomorrow!!! If you are reading this tomorrow it’s today!!! And if you are reading this a week from today, go fuck yourself, now you have to catch up... don’t be late again mister!
Why
Why the fuck not...
There is some serious independence when it comes to taking off for two months in a car with friends.
I still remember when my mom had to drive me to my friends houses, and would talk to their parents to make sure I was safe.
Going away to college was a leap in the direction of being an independent young woman. But I also went to a small town college and had roommates, making it a great step to the adult world of being fully responsible for my own actions.
Next level right now. I will be living out of a car, buying my own food and supplies, and not having the security of my family being a simple three hour drive away... not that I ever took advantage of that (sorry mom).
Why the blogging...
Not knowing what I am good at is quite frustrating, four years of college later... so I am going to just try new things until I find my passion. And this blog is a great place to reflect.
Spending two months out of the job force is already a weird concept to me. I've had a job for the majority of college waitressing at a local joint (shout out to Sloan’s NY Grill!). I worked all throughout high school as well.
Not having any job obligation now seems strange, so let's hope this becomes self-discovery into multiple opportunities or it will be the most publicly awkward diary ever:/
How
How did you make it this far...
This came about one night drunk at a bar... simply expressing how weird it is COVID can take almost everything away from us so quickly.
Maya and Mary both have a direction in their life as to “What’s Next.” Both having spent their last semesters of college pursuing opportunities for their future, they have become idols to me.
I was lucky enough to bring this idea up before they left me for their full adult lives... getting an opportunity to travel with my two best friends.
Mary is pursuing a teaching degree and spent her last semester as a student teach back home. Maya spent the last few months doing an in-person internship in the city to further her connections in the fashion industry.
They both have this responsible adult thing going on, and I’m over here saying some dumb shit like “Hey let's take two months off of life and travel!” Weirdly enough, alcohol might have had an influential factor here, but they said hell yessss!!
The next morning, waking up with a classic hangover, we all texted each other and reiterated the idea of this whole cross country, two-month excursion.
And now look where we are :)
Bottom Line
Sooooo, this is a temporary blog that may or may not last. Don’t get your hopes up too high! I want to share this experience with everyone who has supported us through this crazy idea, and give a shout out to everyone who has reached out and wished us the best!
I am fully winging this and hope it's not too illiterate for you smarty pants out there... I’m just trying to have fun with it. This is not meant to be a job, but a start to finding the answer to everyone's question...
What’s Next?
#travel#beginners guide#fuck it#cross country#post grad#fuck covid#blogging for beginners#we are young#jubilation
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More than you could ever possibly want to know
I had a bunch of these to answer in my drafts and realized most of them were so similar so I combined them into one massive post. Given the sheer amount of questions I won’t tag anybody but feel free to answer any of these and let me know your responses!!
Tagged by the lovely @storyinmyeyes, @cartoon-heart, @thatdamnokie, @honestly-wilde, @bookwormchocaholic, @heterocosmica, @notations, @apictureofspace, @panalegs27, @swanfireouat and @queenofglassbeliever. Thank you!
rules: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better
name: Heather
nicknames: none
zodiac sign: Aquarius
height: 4′11″
nationality: Canadian
Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff
fave fruit: peaches
fave scent: lavender
fave animal: cats
coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee first, but I love all three
last movie i saw: “The King”
last thing i thing i googled: actress Sarah Macrae
fave musician: Umm.... hard to pick one, but Mandy Moore is a serious top contender!
song stuck in my head: “Right on Time” by Dawes
other blogs: nothing active at the moment
following: 1186 (I’m sure many are inactive lol)
do i get asks: every now and then but not often
amount of sleep: probably average 6 hours
lucky number: Hmm—13, or maybe 26?
what am i wearing: t-shirt and sweat pants
dream job: I think I’d still love to do something with design and books (or magazines)
dream trip: easy—England and Scotland
fave food: pasta <3
instruments: a bit of piano, and I used to play clarinet in school
languages: English (and the teeniest bit of French)
fave songs: I have so many and my mind is going blank!
random fact: aside from university dorm rooms/etc. I have lived in the same house my entire life
aesthetic: 19th century English cottage with some modern elements for balance
relationship status: single
favourite colour: purple
top three ships: Red Cricket (Ruby and Archie) from “Once Upon a Time”, Anne and Gilbert from “Anne of Green Gables”, Abby and Connor from “Primeval”
fave fictional characters: too many
fave book: “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen
lipstick or chapstick: chapstick
last song: “Spanish Eyes” by Clanadonia
when blog was created: 2011, I think, but I didn’t started really using it until about 2015
why blog was created: I followed people over from Livejournal and then really started using this blog when my love for “Once Upon a Time” was revived between seasons 4 and 5
meaning behind URL: I thought it was a pretty/poetic/floral take on my name and it sounded like “Netherfield” aka Jane and Bingley from “Pride and Prejudice”.
fave candy: gummy bears
fave holiday: probably Christmas :)
fave season: summer
fave flower: lavender
cat or dog person: I love both but cats are my super favourite <3
number of blankets you sleep with: 1 big duvet
ever had a poem or song written about you? don’t think so, unless my ex wrote a poem at one point *shrugs*
last time you played air guitar: can’t remember, but I got my little brother to play it in the car a few months ago which was awesome!
celebrity crush: Raphael Sbarge <3
sound you hate and sound you love: I hate ticking clocks and I love the patter of rain on the windows or roof
believe in ghosts: no
believe in aliens: no
do you drive: yes
ever crashed: no, thank goodness
last book: “Where the Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens—which I recommend :)
currently reading: the complete works of Shakespeare and “A Breath of Snow and Ashes” by Diana Gabaldon
last TV show: “The Home Edit” on Netflix
currently craving: chicken fingers haha
do you like the smell of gasoline: um... sometimes a bit (so weird but it reminds me of some family members and activities I think?) but not really
worst injury: I’m pretty careful so I can’t remember... although I banged my chin pretty bad when I was about 7 or 8
current obsession: well I’m reading through all of Shakespeare’s plays so that’s been fun, especially tracking down as many adaptations and stage versions I can get my hands on
do you hold grudges? I’d like to say no but I’m realizing it can be hard to let go of the emotions that came with certain hurts/betrayals even if I don’t necessarily hold grudges...
sweet, spicy, or savoury: savoury
* * *
Tagged by the lovely @bookwormchocaholic and @mariequitecontrarie. Thanks!
How old are you: 32.
Surgeries: yup, quite a few
Tattoos: none, but it appeals to me more and more
Ever hit a deer: no, thank goodness
Sang karaoke: I don’t think officially...
Ice skated: Yeah—I’d love to do more
Ridden a motorcycle: nope and I can’t say I want to
Ridden in an ambulance: yes
Skipped school: yeah, probably when I wasn’t truly sick
Stayed in the hospital: yes
Broken bone: nope! I’m too much of a fraidy cat so I’m always super careful (and not particularly sporty)
Last phone call: my mom, I’m sure
Last text from: my mom
Watched someone die: My pets.
Pepsi or coke: Coke.
Favourite pie: I worked at a farm/farmer’s market baking (frozen) pies for yeeeeears—my fave was “bumbleberry” which was actually just a mix of apple, raspberry, blueberry, and rhubarb I think it was, ‘cause why choose just one flavour?
Favourite pizza: margherita or hawaiian
Received a ticket: Nope.
Sunset or sunrise: Either, both are beautiful.
Favourite Christmas song: "O Come All Ye Faithful” sung by Pentatonix
Cupcakes or cookies: um, cupcakes!
* * *
Tagged by the lovely @bookwormchocaholic. Thank you! Turns out I filled this out and kept in my drafts ‘cause I’m just crazy.
1. Are you named after someone? No, my parents just liked the name. (My middle name is after my paternal grandmother, though.)
2. When was the last time you cried? Probably a week or two ago, lol.
3. Do you have kids? No.
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not often, but sometimes.
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? How kind they are.
6. What’s your eye color? Brown.
7. Scary movie or happy ending? Definitely happy endings.
8. Any special talents? Writing, graphic design, singing.
9. Where were you born? Canada.
10. What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, sometimes crafts like knitting and card-making…
11. Do you have any pets? I used to have a cat for over 20 years, but we had to put her down 2 3 years ago. My mom and I would love to get another cat, but my dad doesn’t want a pet right now. Plus, I just miss my cat a lot…
12. What sports do you play? Nothing.
13. How tall are you? 4′11″.
14. Favourite subject in school? English.
15. Dream job? Honestly, I’d love to be a graphic designer for books and be involved in putting them together and then do writing as a hobby to take the pressure off. I think it would balance out the creative aspects if that makes sense. (I was so close to getting my dream job, too!)
#about me#tag meme#it was cool to see how these memes have clearly branched off from each other :D#long post
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Apprentice April Asks #1 Azalea/Imalia
Here are my answers to my Apprentice April Asks #1. Thanks so very much to @leis-main-blog and @verysoftthings for sending me asks! I honestly wasn’t expecting it. ^^; I tend to write books about these two, so I made a separate post.
1. The Basics. What is your character's name? How old are they? How tall are they? Skin color? Eye color? Hair color? Gender identification?
Azalea Larinya Nevra. 30, female. 5'6"; medium skin tone; eyes blue with gold around the pupils; hair aqua to coral ombre; medium length
Imalia Vilyana Gabriev. 36, female. 5'10"; fair skin tone; eyes crimson; hair brown with burgundy ends; very long (art by @carowhitewolf)
2. Love Interest. Who does your character love? What attracted them to that particular LI?
Julian/Lucio (different universes).
Julian - she loved how kind he was, and she adored his bumbling. She was compelled to help him because his cause was right. He couldn't be guilty, he was too much of a good man. She really wanted to help him with his own inner demons as well because he didn't deserve to suffer, even at his own hand. That glorious chest didn't help either, lol.
Lucio - she thought he was overall adorable. Yeah, he was hot as hell, but it was his personality that got her heart thumping. He really was brave and skilled, and she had a feeling that not many others had appreciated it much. Yeah, he had done some horrendous things; but Azalea could see the actual changes happening in him and she knew that he had hope.
Asra. She had known Asra since she was 15 and he was 8. They had a good 20 year friendship and she knew him very well. She fell for him when that friendship veil lifted after the events of The Arcana story and she finally really noticed how beautiful he was. "He's smart, kind, talented, awesome...AND hot?! THE WHOLE PACKAGE?! I'm such an idiot..."
3. Familiar. Does your character have a familiar? How did they meet?
Corva, a white raven. She met Corva when Malak led her to an alley where Corva was lying on the ground with a broken wing. Azalea nursed Corva back to health, and Corva refused to ever leave. (image c. Mike Yip)
Balthazaar, a phoenix. Balthazaar was one of the phoenixes in the magical menagerie at the University of Prakra. He was ornery, and the handlers had a hard time with him. Imalia liked how stubborn he was and over time developed a rapport and closeness with him. The university allowed her to claim him as her familiar and take him home. (image c. Kiss Clip Art)
4. Hobbies. What kinds of things does your character like to do for fun?
Parquor. She loves running around, slipping up buildings, jumping over rooftops and sliding down poles. XD She's a very high-energy person and parquor keeps her healthy and mentally sharp. She also enjoys writing. She will write on just about anything that has her attention at the moment. Magical theory is one of her favorite subjects, but she does enjoy writing fiction.
Her hobby...is harassing bandits. She gets perverse joy out of robbing robbers blind. If she can find the original owners of things that were stolen...awesome. If not...hey, this is an ancient Drakrian fertility statue! I'm gonna put this on my shelf at home. Oh, and leaving off-color messages in ancient languages in ruins. "Here I sit all broken-hearted..."
5. Hidden talents. Is there something neat that your character can do? Tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Say any word backwards perfectly?
Azalea is kinda like Sherlock Holmes. She can look at a person and form their entire story in her mind. She never uses it against someone; she just uses it to be more friendly. But if you're annoying her and won't go away...she will scare you with what she has figured out about you.
Imalia secretly loves to sing and isn't terrible at it. She's one of those people who will sing in the bath, and if someone mentions it, she acts like it didn't happen.
6. Magical talents. Is there a specific type of magic that your character excels at? Any magic they aren't so great at? Or do they actually shy away from magic altogether?
Lightning. She's good at conducting the currents and utilizing its explosive capabilities. She also uses lightning as a personal shield while in battle. She is also really good at enchanting things; like her hair. She makes enchanted dreamcatchers that actually catch nightmares. Both Julian and Lucio appreciate this ability. (Lucio's dreamcatcher needs to be cleansed more often than Julian's)
Fire and Darkness. Imalia is in tune with fire and is extremely good at using it to its fullest potential; absolute destruction. As for the darkness...that will be explained in number 12.
7. Interaction. How does your character typically interact with people?
She is very polite, but not overly so. She tries to come off as someone you can actually have a conversation with. Sometimes if she's feeling nervous, she will go into overly-polite mode, but if the vibe starts to feel calmer, she will loosen up. She is very energetic and sometimes hyper with her friends.
She is ingratiating and very proper until you piss her off. Then you get things like "Why don't you get a horse, move up to the mountains, and don't bother anybody? You have the personality of a dead moth." (RIP Don Rickles) With friends, she's very laid back and frank with what she says.
8. Romance. What is something that your character and their LI love to do together? How do they show affection?
Azalea x Julian - They LOVE to read together. They have spent hours cuddled up together over a good book. Azalea shows Julian affection with gentle touches, kisses, and koala hugs. (she really loves how tall he is) She also makes sure he eats and gets plenty of rest. More than once, she has brought him dinner to his clinic while he was working late.
Azalea x Lucio - They love to spar. They are so different in fighting style that sparring really helps them improve their skills. Also, the prize at the end for the winner is quite nice. ^_~ Azalea shows Lucio affection by listening to him and holding him. She also likes to try to out kiss him. He reaches for her hand, she spins away and plants two on his cheek instead.
Imalia and Asra love to travel the Magical Realms together. They get into really long and in-depth conversations about the things they see and experiment with how their willpower affects the realm around them. Imalia shows affection by constant words of praise and sneaky touches and kisses. The more she can surprise him, the better. She also keeps a hefty supply of Lapsang Souchong tea at her estate for him and loves giving him little trinkets and things she has found on her travels.
9. Travel. Does your character like to travel outside of Vesuvia? How often? For how long? What kinds of things do they do away from home?
Yes. She loves to see more of the world and meet new people and see different cultures. She will travel maybe once every year or two. When traveling, she will typically stay away for 1-2 months. She loves adventure, but she does love her home more. Azalea loves to learn new types of magic or new methods of spellcasting from different cultures. She finds that certain techniques make her own magic stronger.
Definitely. She herself is originally from the northern hemisphere, so travel isn't something new to her. She gets wanderlust sometimes and has to get out into the world. She will be gone typically for six months when she decides to travel. She has been gone for three years before. She HAS to investigate old ruins wherever she goes. Who knows that treasures or knowledge lay inside? She must find out!
10. WTF. Has anything just...weird ever happened to your character? Something that made them stop and go "What just happened?!"
She was trying to brew a potion that would allow the drinker to become a mermaid for a short while. She ended up spilling it on a plant before it was done. The plant sprouted tiny muscular hairy legs and arms, stood up, walked to the window, shook its fist at her, and jumped out. Turns out she had forgotten a key ingredient in the early stages of brewing the potion. Mazelinka made fun of her for a solid week.
One time, she and a rival mage were about to have a battle. Right before they were to begin, this strange fellow wearing a sentient red cape fell from the sky and landed in between them. He promptly stood to his feet, apologized for the intrusion, and left. (Yes...I do mean Doctor Strange fell from the sky)
11. Crime. Has your character ever been arrested? If so, what did they do? Have they ever helped stop a crime?
She has never been arrested, however, she is guilty of petty larceny. It's not something she does often...just when some jerk needs to be taught a lesson. They always get their stuff back, but she will make sure they are thoroughly inconvenienced. She has stopped another thief before. The thief took the purse of an elderly individual who was trying to buy food. Azalea scaled up to the rooftops and cut the thief off, holding him down until the guards caught up and arrested him. She gave the money back to its owner.
Yep. She's been arrested plenty of times. Usually for assault and/or destruction of property. Hey, that jerk deserved to have his carriage set on fire. She has stopped several assassination attempts on her cousin, Queen Dreen Suval of Seiruun. She has also stopped dark plots at the Magical University in Prakra.
12. Secrets. What is a secret your character has? Are they in line for the throne in a far off land? Was there this one time at band camp...? Are they secretly involved in an assassin's guild?
Azalea secretly writes smut. She loves it. And her actual hair color is gray. The aqua-coral is an enchantment.
Imalia actually is in line for the throne of Seiruun; second in line, to be exact. But she HATES this. It's why she continues to live in Vesuvia rather than her home country. Imalia is also no longer entirely human. During an adventure that went terribly wrong, she summoned the Lord of Nightmares while inside the Magical Realms. (The Lord of Nightmares or "Lon" is an eldritch goddess) Lon then proceeded to implant herself inside Imalia. Lon is a being of pure darkness and nightmare, so Imalia has control over darkness when she taps into Lon's power. Through some creative wording, the contract between the two of them allows Imalia to use Lon's power and form when she needs to; however, Imalia is forever plagued by terrible nightmares that not even Azalea's dreamcatchers can stop. The dreamcatchers just catch on fire.
13. Overcompensation. Is there something that your character just HAS to do better than anyone else? Or are they just that dang good without trying? If they see someone else showing off, what is their kneejerk reaction?
She's actually quite humble. If she sees someone showing off, she really just concerns herself with their safety. "Please don't be careless and die, please!" But she IS gifted. Her magic is insanely strong, she just doesn't like to make a big deal out of it. She gets embarrassed.
She is the best in the room, and you'd better damn well know it. Unless she respects you. Then she will tone it down. But if she sees a showoff...she's got to mess with them. She's got to show them that they aren't all that and a bag of chips.
14. Fight Club. Is your character a good fighter? What kind of skills do they have?
She's pretty decent. Her attack magic is awesome, but her physical fighting mainly relies on how quick and squirmy she is. Her punches hurt, but they don't incapacitate.
She can fight pretty damn well. Her father made sure of it after most of her family was killed by assassins (it does sometimes really suck to be royalty). She is a heavy hitter and her intent is to end a fight with one strike. It doesn't always work, but hey...second, third, maybe fourth time is the charm. Or maybe you should just blow it the hell up.
15. The Arts. Is your character a creative type? What kinds of things can they create? Can they act? Street perform?
She is. Like mentioned earlier, she writes and makes dreamcatchers; she also gets into stage acting with Julian (when he's her LI). She's not a solo performer though. She has to be in a troupe or else she gets massive stage fright.
She can draw very well, almost photo-realistically. She mainly uses this skill for documentation when she's studying something. But every great once in a while she will draw a political cartoon making fun of some noble. Once she drew a penis on the face of one of Lucio's statues. He snapped back "I'd never put something that small in my mouth!" She retorted by drawing a full body penis on a different statue. It got misinterpreted by many townspeople as "Hey, look! Lucio is a dick!!"
16. Goofy. Is your character a clown? Do they like to make people laugh?
She does. She doesn't see herself as funny, but when she slips in something humorous into whatever she's talking about it usually takes whoever is listening by surprise. Spit your drink kind of humor.
YES. She has such a strange way of speaking sometimes that you can't help but snort at the things she says. Yes, it is entirely on purpose. She loves to crack jokes and has a self-deprecating sense of humor at times. She will also be hilariously over-confident as well.
17. Language. Is your character multilingual? How many languages do they speak? Do they have an accent? Is it sexy? Is it silly? Do they have the multilingual lisp?
No. She only speaks her native language.
Yes. Imalia speaks ten different languages. In her normal language, she doesn't have a multilingual lisp; but in about four of her other languages, she does. It drives her nuts, but she just can't seem to fix it.
18. Embarrassment. What is something really embarrassing that your character has done/said?
Azalea can't remember this, because it's part of the memories she lost. But Imalia remembers. One time she was going to meet one of the magisters of the Magical University of Prakra to see if she would be accepted. She spent weeks preparing how to introduce herself. On the day of, she mentioned how excited she was to meet Magister Asshole. Imalia blinked and said, "It's pronounced Ah-shole."
One time she said something quite rude about Lucio in front of Azalea (when Lucio is Azalea's LI). Azalea proceeded to tear her a new rectum, claiming that for someone so smart, she was incredibly closed-minded.
19. Memory. Has your character gotten any of their memory back? If so, what? Did it change them?
No. She insists that she doesn't want her memories back because she likes who she is now. She gets the important information from Asra and Imalia...her parents’ and aunt's names, what they were like, and how they died. That's all she feels that she needs.
*looks at me* "I'm exempt from this question. I'm your OC, not your MC." *walks out*
20. Family. Talk about your character's family. Who were they?
Her mother (Etoile) and father (Galen) were traveling merchants. Her mother was the one with magical talent. Her mother's sister (Sylvaine) owned the shop and taught Azalea most about magic. When Azalea was 13, her parents were robbed and killed by bandits just outside of Vesuvia. She lived with Sylvaine until she died of pneumonia when Azalea was 20.
Imalia's father was Vitalric Gabriev and her mother was Narsial Trevallan. When Imalia was 14, her father's family (the Sairuun royal family) were murdered by assassins sent by a rival country. Only Vitalric (and Narsial), Imalia, Vitalric's older brother Rhemun and his daughter Dreen survived. Rhemun and Dreen remained in Seiruun to run the place while Vitalric and his family moved to Vesuvia as a failsafe in case there were other assassination attempts. Vitalric started studying to become a doctor, while Narsial started grooming Imalia to wed into a noble family. Narsial was extremely abusive. Long story short, King Rhemun died of a hunting injury, and both of Imalia's parents died in the Red Plague.
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