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flamingpudding · 10 months

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The Ghost King is my Uncle Drabbles

A/N: The original this sorta ties too: Original One Shot

>>Masterpost

Shovel Talks

Constantine swore up a storm of course only mentally. It wasn't like he was going to voice any of his thoughts right now. Not when he was faced with the good damn Ghost King. All he wanted was to summon one of his contracted demons to gather some information and what did he get the fucking Ghost King.

"Trench coat! We meet again. You worked on your manners, I hope?"

"Of course your majesty." Well he didn't but he avoided the freaking bats like crazy.

"Well I gotta thank you. Well you and my In-Law that's busy and asked me to substitute for your call since we meet and before and so on." The Ghost King casually waved his hand in a dismissive manner before looking around with his eyes sparkling in recognition and it sent a shudder down Constantine's back. "You are giving me the perfect opportunity."

Did… did the Ghost King just pull out a green glowing sword from a fucking portal and why did he have that glint in his eyes? Constantine paled. Why did this have to happen to him?

"If you will excuse me for a moment. I need to look for a Kryptonian real quick. I will deal with your problem right after. Promise."

With that the Ghost King phased through the floor apparently in search of Superman who just happened to be in the watchtower today. Fuck. Constantine run out of the room in mild panic and pushed whoever was on communication aside as he dialed for the bats. The moment someone on their end pick up he didn't bother to explain anything and just shouted for one of them to get their fucking ass here as fast as possible or superman was going to be history!

Okay that might also have sent the people witnessing his panic into chaos but this was a fucking emergency.

It was only minutes later that Batman did indeed arrived together with Nightwing and Red Robin with the Zeta-Tube at the watchtower to bear witness to Superman getting cornered by the Ghost King with Constantine bound by echo-bindings for apparently having annoyed the Ghost King with his pleading to spare the Kryptonian.

"Now I am sure I don't have to repeat myself but, IF you ever hurt Baby Bat a fate way worse than the Soul Shredder and the Nightmare Realm will be the least of your problems. The last guy that hurt my family is still in there and I will gladly make you permanently join him."

A cough resounded and Danny turned his head, a bright smile on his face as he spotted his little nephew and two of the little babies.

"Baby Bat, Baby Menace and Baby Stalker! I will be done in a little bit!"

"Ghost Ki-"

"Uncle Danny."

Batman let out a suffering sigh as Nightwing and Red Robin snickered.

"Uncle Danny. Why are you threatening Superman?"

"Because Jazz forbade me to use the Soul Shredder on humans but Superman is not human so I am allowed to use it on him."

"Uncle Danny, why do you want to use the 'Soul Shredder'" -as a joke Nightwing used air quotes- "on the him in the first place?"

"Shovel talk."

Batman chocked and Red Robin spluttered as Nightwing had a hard time suppressing a laugh. Constantine and Superman gapped at the Ghost King.

"You… are threading him for shovel talk purposes? What even is the nightmare realm?"

"A place you don't want to be in. Very traumatic and perfect to externally punish anyone that hurts my family in any regard as long as I am allowed to dump them there."

There was an added barely hearable grumble of "I would have sent the Joker and Ra's in there long ago if Clockwork weren't such a stick in the mud about keeping the timeline straight and their roles and bla bla bla."

Red Robin did a double take. Did the Ghost King just admit that he would have liked to sent their rogues into a place that was most likely hell? Wait didn't he mention sending someone in there permanently earlier.

No one noticed Superman slowly inching away from the blade still pointed at him while the Ghost King's attention wasn't on him. Well the bats noticed but didn't react to it, deeming it safer for the Super.

"Uh you said you dumped someone permanently in there?" Red Robin tried to keep the attention on them.

"Well yea." The Ghost King casually shrugged, adjusting the blade so Superman could no longer inch away from him. "I looked away from the Ice Mirrors for a week and someone dared to hurt Moma Bat. Of course I was enraged and snatched that guy off the street to permanently drop him in there."

There was a beat of heavy silence. Batman under his cowl bluescreened especially with how casually Danny just admitted at having snatched up his parents murderer to punish the man. Well that explained why he never found the culprit.

"Now If you excuse me little Babies I am gonna finish this talk with the Kryptonian and make sure he knows what will happen if he hurts Baby Bat."

With this the Ghost King turned back to the rapidly paling Superman with a feral grin. The Birds sweat dropped as Batman was still not mentally present, his mind still working through the information.

"Think I would be able to borrow that sword?" Red Robin suddenly asked as Nightwing eyed Batman worringly. "He only said that Great Grandma forbade him to use it on humans. He never said we couldn't."

"Don't let Robin or Hood hear that." Nightwing said, even if he wanted to borrow it himself too. With B mentally still checked out he had to act as the responsible one. That wouldn't stop him from asking their Ghost Uncle later if he could borrow the sword anyway.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #dp x dc #fanfic #crossover #tim drake #dick grayson #bruce wayne #superman #john constantine #DPxDC #Ghost Uncle Danny #Shovel Talks #dc x dp fic #crackish #no beta wie die like danny #drabble

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strelitzia-mystery1097 · 2 months

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Cloud 'needs so much therapy that it isn't funny' Strife

*spoilers* for Ff7 Rebirth.

So Sephiroth really is trying to break Cloud more than in the original.

To start off, Sephiroth tries to make Cloud think that Tifa wasn't Tifa. That she was fake.

Why would he do that?

Answer: Because she's the one to piece together Cloud's memories. If Cloud can't trust her than he can't trust her account.

He also does his usual tricks of 'Black Materia', 'Puppet', 'Reunion', ect.

But Cloud this time around is constantly getting harassed and manipulated by Sephiroth, like way more than in the OG. Cloud also is coming to different conclusions and ideas from the OG like for example, he's degrading. He thinks that's why his memories are a mess because of degradation.

Even when he takes one step forward by remembering Zack, he then thinks Zack got washed away by the river instead of that infantry guy.

There's even times when Cloud straight repeats something Sephiroth says word for word and it doesn't register to him.

But yeah constantly his mind is under onslaught of Sephiroth.

By the time when we get to the Temple of the Ancients I'd argue that Cloud's mental state is worse than what it was in the OG in the scene when he gives Sephiroth the Black Materia.

In the OG he still has the creepy giggle moment but he snaps out of it. And when he gives the Black Materia to Sephiroth it's an out of body experience where we clearly see Cloud's inner self be against it but powerless to giving his body giving the Black Materia to Sephiroth or to beating up Aerith.

But after that Cloud finally realises something is horribly wrong with him. That Sephiroth can control him and almost doesn't go after Aerith because he's scared of himself.

...And Rebirth Cloud has it worse in my opinion.

There is no inner self. And Cloud is an obedient puppet that Sephiroth is toying with. Sephiroth already had the Black Materia and throws to Cloud and tells him to give it to him, and Cloud is almost eager to obey. Tifa tries to stop him and Aerith does too and Cloud chases after her and it's almost worse than silently beating her up because now he's toying with her while still so eager. She gives it to him and Cloud only snaps out of it after he gives it to Sephiroth. He then tries to save Aerith and well-

He wakes up after the multiverse stuff and the OG dream of Aerith being like 'imma go bye'.

But this time he doesn't freak out, terrified that Sephiroth can control him. He just... doesn't acknowledge it. He just goes on to find Aerith. When Yuffie asks what happened how did Sephiroth get the Black Materia if he didn't beat up Cloud he just goes 'uh...' and when Tifa asks him to let her know if he's getting weird thoughts he asks Tifa about what she means. She gives the example of thinking she's fake and he apologises, but the fact that he doesn't immediately realise that she's also talking about Black Materia is a bit of red flag.

And he might as well be using those red flags later on for semafor because oh my god-

What happened with Aerith's death is weird. At first I thought it was two worlds overlapping but no-

Cloud's mind f^@&ing snapped and thinks he saved Aerith.

That's why Cloud doesn't properly react to Aerith's death. No speech about his feelings and no scene of putting her in the water. He's full on hallucinating her. Whether that is Aerith's ghost or not doesn't matter because he's convinced himself that she's fine.

That's why he talks about Aerith waking up or going home because he can't cope with her being dead.

Sephiroth screwed with Cloud's mind so much here that he genuinely is more insane now than what he was in the OG.

So you can bet when they get to the Northern Crater, Sephiroth will use the truth of Aerith dead along with the truth of Nibelheim to break Cloud even more.

...And now I have to wait 3+ years for part 3. Rebirth really was a gift that gave me despair.

#ff7 rebirth #ff7r spoilers #ff7 cloud #cloud strife #ff7 tifa #tifa lockhart #sephiroth #sephiroth ff7 #aerith gainsborough #ff7 aerith #ff7 rebirth spoilers

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chibishortdeath · 6 months

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Simon derangement page number um I lost count!!! Time to explain things and transcribe my handwriting lol >:3

I put a photo of the whole page here because some things were hard to single out into separate images :)

A pose study! I was trying to work on foreshortening with that arm position. Just imagine that he’s talking to someone off screen and sweating cause he’s been working out or something d(^^ )

Two of these are based on some reaction image doodles I ran into on Pinterest that I’m pretty certain originated on tumblr lol. The bottom left one says “*realization*” and the top right one says “deranged —>” with the arrow pointing to our Mr. Deranged in question, Simon. The Simon and Richter one is kinda poking fun at the general Smash Bros fandom depiction of them and is also based on a doodle I saw on Pinterest.

Bottom left says “he has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces” lol. Dw! He is your friend! I just forgot to write that part :). I hope the tbh creature doodle is appreciated, I’ve drawn him like that more times than I’d like to admit—

This one is based on a photo of this guy (gotta be a Snapchat one idk I’ve never had Snapchat) with a monster energy and caption “KILL”. I think it fits the vibe.

Bottom left says “monsert!”, a silly bastardizarion of “monster”, again the energy drink. I feel like Simon would be the kind of guy to have caffeine at like 6PM and then wonder why he can’t sleep later lmao. Or worse have caffeine to avoid sleeping 💀. The other two doodles I drew because I woke up one morning and immediately imagined Simon with raccoon stripe hair for no reason.

This one is based on a tumblr post, it says “(Simon) the psychiatrist diagnosed me with divine madness” “(Christopher) any other diagnosises you’d like to share?” “(Simon) Autism”. That ending panel of Simon saying autism ended up a sticker in a discord server I’m in lmaooooo. Also I need to have more Simon and Christopher interactions cause I think they’d be friends aaaaa

The top doodle is based on a Simon MMD model I found of him as a Vocaloid and I thought that was hilarious and banger, we need more people making fun crossover stuff like that in the world lol. The bottom one is just him vibin(?). Idk he seems pretty distressed, but that’s his usual state so uh—

Another little pose doodle. I think his preferred sitting position is like criss cross applesauce on the floor. I don’t think he’d sit normally in chairs at all. I am now picturing him leaning a chair back too far help 💀.

This one is based on this meme that’s kinda poking fun at the art styles commonly found in yaoi with the last one being left blank for putting whatever you like there and implying in a comedic way that it’s ‘straight man yaoi’, I’ve seen ones with things like football players or idk Breaking Bad put there lol. Basically I saw the meme and realized that all the different styles kinda lined up too well with some Simon designs and well yeah this happened 💀💀💀. So we got Ayami Kojima’s design as “straight woman yaoi”, the NES cover art/X68000 as “gay man yaoi”, Simon’s Quest as “lesbian yaoi”, and Captain N thrown into “straight man yaoi” lmaooo.

Okie that’s all for this one, I will make more inevitably lol

#castlevania #castlevania games #simon belmont #art post #my art #simon’s quest #Castlevania nes #akumajou dracula #castlevania chronicles #silly posting #shitposting?#castlevania memes #I think that covers all of it uh yeah #I have too many ideas most of the time and then get overwhelmed by them #BUT when I do get them on paper things like this happen so eh it’s worth it I guess #I keep realizing that there’s way more things to post here than I thought #these are all fairly new tho tbh I think #time is not my strong suit tho 💀💀💀#I think of Simon as a little bit more deranged than how I’ve usually seen him depicted #please imagine Simon sitting in a chair like an absolute disaster thanks #he would sit sideways with his legs crossed and over one of the arm rests #possibly also just criss cross applesauce on the chair lmao #now imagine him in a public space where you have to say seated generally uniformly hahahahahdjddkahskfkdj #ok wait just imagine Simon in public—#I need to draw some of the ideas I had of him like in modern times cause like #bro was around before the time of wide spread trains in Europe and would’ve probably never had a tomato so like #I think a cherry slushee would (figuratively) kill him #he’d probably like it tho ngl #simon can be a little silly as a treat he worked hard for it #aaaa not enough tag space I need to incoherently rant about him more

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loveofdetail · 7 months

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@sigilmint oh friend this comment made me so 😍

Short version: As far as in-game actions, really all you need to do is initiate his romance, betray the grove, roll to convince him to stay in the party, then continue his romance, roleplaying the situation however you want from there.

Long Version beneath the cut—this has a lot more to do with how my own out-of-game decisionmaking got me here, and how I interpret the macro-arc of my party/character.

My first bg3 campaign is a co-op game where we are mostly trying to do Good Route Things. Gale has been stuck in camp permanently because I was dead set on playing a wizard myself.

So I started my solo campaign with the vague notion of doing a Full On Evil Run. My character, Vuei, is a disillusioned and broken oathbreaker paladin. I was planning to romance Minthara because if she's only available in the evil route, might as well go all the way.

But I recruited Gale and immediately had a category 5 "Ohhh I can't not fuck him" moment.

Now, at the time I thought that betraying the grove would straight-up lock you out of his romance. Tbh I'm not sure why I thought this? But somehow that was the impression I'd gotten, so, I promptly jettisoned all my Evil Plans in favor under Get Under Gale's Robe ASAP.

I got all the way into Act 2 like this. Defeated and looted the whole goblin camp, made it to Last Light, all that.

Then one night I wanted to play but I was feeling too mentally wiped to make real progress and real decisions, so instead I loaded a save from right before saving the grove. I figured I would see what it was like, get to hear some Minthara dialogue, that would be that.

Instead I got one of the most immersive emotional rollercoasters a video game has ever given me.

I failed some rolls to deceive Minthara and started spinning a narrative where Vuei, who has recently lost everything and everyone they thought they valued, just... panics. Doesn't see a way out other than bending to Minthara's demands. Goes reflexively numb and nihilistic because apparently this is just the way the world works.

From there, the entire sequence from the combat itself, to Karlach (who was in my party) leaving me, to the reactions of various people at the party... it was just Moment after Heartwrenching Moment. I'm leaving some details out here because they really deserve to be experienced first-hand but at the end I was like. Staring at my ceiling processing all the implications for the characters.

Gale specifically delivers one of the Verbal Smackdowns of All Time to you afterward. You have to persuade him to stay.

But he does stay.

This was the point when I started getting the feeling that maybe his romance flag was still active? And the implications of THAT... my mind just ran wild with them. Who was this guy who would bitterly, righteously tell you that you're making him worse, then give you a second chance, secretly thinking maybe he's Not Actually So Different, then fall in love—ACTUAL love, not just 'I don't deserve better' resignation—with you despite it all?

I never reloaded my original save.

The game doesn't actually let you have any additional decompress-and-discuss dialogue after persuading him to stay, but in my imagination what I filled in was: a really painful heart to heart where Gale and Vuei agree Never Again. Where they are both at a loss as to how they can even go on from this. But they have to. So they will. At least they know the other feels just as guilty and ashamed as themself, and that counts for something.

It also made me think, why the pure black and white Evil Run/Good Run dichotomy? I really, REALLY latched on to the story structure of a party that makes One Huge Ruinous Fuckup at the very beginning that colors all their further attempts to Do Better, and that's how I RP'd going into act 2.

For instance: we couldn't rescue the tieflings but maybe we can extend the same grace to Minthara that we hope might be extended to ourselves.

In terms of game mechanics I actually took quite a hit here. Karlach took a bunch of great gear with her when she left (this may not happen in the current patch? unsure) and I decided my characters would not have it in them to go back to the goblin camp just to completionistly gobble up loot.

It felt like penance. The very beginning of the tangible consequences of the thing my character will regret most, for the rest of her life.

I felt closer to my remaining companions. Bound by atrocity. The last ones standing. By the gods it shouldn't have happened this way but after that we will NEVER doubt that we have each other's backs. I put Astarion in my party for the first time ever and this is when I began warming up to him as a character. Eventually when Shadowheart killed the Nightsong, it was like Vuei (and Gale) deeply disapproved but couldn't bear to cast judgement. The only thing to do is be there for her and hope she does better next time. We are all just hoping we'll do better next time.

The morning after our lowest point, we trudged resignedly to Rosymorn monastery. The stark, sublime grandeur of the landscape was a slap in the face. It was wrong that such beauty could still exist as though the world was indifferent to what we'd just done. It was wrong that we could literally climb above the ruins we made and in the distance they're just... another part of a breathtaking view. But here we are, standing on this cliff, somehow still able to feel wonder.

The new dawn imagery was both a lash and balm.

We carry on. We find a way.

OH ALSO I gave Gale Volo's eye and continued making Alterations to him as things progressed. Being vague because that's quite a bit further in but yeah, Gale Undergoing Changes is another big part of my vision here. It's All Connected.

#no joke the mountain pass will now probably always be my favorite location in the game #because i can't divorce it from the rawness of the very very beginning of a redemption(?) arc #i was at my lowest point and still saw beauty and that made it The Most Beautiful #bg3 #bg3 meta #kinda?#gale dekarios #i am shutting my eyes and deciding to stop editing this. it's a ramble but it is what it is #ppl say things like 'did we play the same game?' but if you RP hard enough to really CAN access secret galaxy brain timelines :P

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hollywoodxwhore · 10 months

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Ours | Chapter 13

Colson x Presley (Original Female Character)

Synopsis: Presley and Colson fell in love accidentally, but they were meant to be. Now that all the obstacles have been removed, they're moving in together in LA. Now, they have all the time in the world for Colson to teach Presley all of the things he knows. This fic is the sequel to Mine, which can be found in my masterlist!

Warnings/Content: shit's about to get real so PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS!!! Almost suicide attempt, panic attacks, suicidal ideation/discussion, Big Fucking Sad (I'm serious y'all, it's sad as fuck), swearing, mentions of guns and pills, hospital trip

PLEASE take care of yourself and skip this if you think it's going to be triggering. Without giving too much away, there are pretty graphic descriptions of thoughts leading up to an almost suicide attempt. I promise if you skip this chapter it won't mess up the plot too much for you. I love y'all.

Colson

Presley isn’t answering me.

I’ve called about a thousand times and sent twice as many texts. Nothing. Her phone is on do not disturb. I get that she needs space, but the state of my mental health is scary right now and I’m not thinking perfectly logically. In the forefront of my mind is a voice telling me that she’s done with me, that this is just too much to handle and that she’s going to leave. That she’s already left.

As it nears the evening and she still hasn’t reached out, my panic reaches new heights. I call her once more, praying that she’ll answer, but it goes straight to voicemail. I try to control my shaky breathing as I prepare to leave a message. I haven’t left any voicemails but maybe if she hears my voice, she’ll realize how sorry I am.

“Pres,” I say, and instantly, my throat is thick with emotion as more tears spill from my eyes. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight and I had no right to talk to you that way. Please come home, baby. Please. I need you.” I pause for a second, then hang up just in time for a sob to rip itself from my chest. I let the phone clatter onto the island as I drop my head into my hands.

I pick up the phone and call Ashleigh. It rings several times, then goes to voicemail. Slim, too. When it happens with Rook, a cold fear causes sweat to prickle on my skin. They’re all ignoring me. I’ve fucked up too badly this time. I jump to my feet and pace. My hands are damp with sweat and shaking like crazy. My breath is shallow and my stomach is in knots.

“Fuck,” I whimper, tearing my hands through my hair. What am I going to do? Everyone thinks I’m an abuser. Everyone I love is going to turn on me. I’m going to lose Presley, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The abuse allegations are going to ruin my career.

What do I have left?

Absolutely fucking nothing.

I’ve struggled with my mental health for…pretty much my entire life. I can remember feeling overwhelmingly sad, even as a young kid, even before my mom left and my dad went off the deep end. It got worse when my mom left, of course. My abandonment issues started there, at the ripe age of nine. And then my dad completely changed. The abuse started and the loving father I knew was just…gone.

I have great friends. I have an insanely perfect wife. My mom is back in my life. But do they want to be in my life? Do they want to be friends or family with someone whose mental state is so precarious? A tortured artist with mood swings and allegations up to his fucking eyeballs. If I were no longer in their lives…would they care? And if they did care, wouldn’t they be able to get over it?

Would it really matter if I was gone?

I own guns. Several. A shotgun just because I thought it was cool, a couple of handguns. They’re all locked in a safe and haven’t been removed for years now other than to be cleaned. My hands twitch at my sides. Then, I shake my head. Presley would be the one to find me, and even if she’s done with me, I can’t do that to her.

But what if I take some pills and just…fall asleep? Never wake up? That won’t leave a mess.

What if I send a text to someone else so they find me first? I can leave the door unlocked and they’ll find me. Presley won’t have to.

Suddenly, I’m numb. The tears dry up and my hands stop trembling, and a wave of calm washes over me. I always knew I’d die young, I just didn’t know when. Everything is screaming at me that it’s now. This is when I leave.

I grab a fifth of Jack Daniels from the fridge, then go to our medicine cabinet and gather what I need. But then, a sound makes me freeze. A knock on the door. I blink and try to focus, wondering if it’s all in my head. But then another knock sounds. I swallow hard and put my supplies back. I wipe sweaty hands on my legs and then wipe my face. I know I look like hell, and I have no idea who’s at the door. Hell, it could be cops coming to arrest me for domestic abuse charges. Longingly, I look at the cabinet, but another knock shakes me out of it and I hurry to the door.

I look through the peephole and my heart jumps into my throat when I see that it’s Cash. It may not be Presley, but it is her twin, and it is the person whose house she slept at last night. I open the door quickly and Cash immediately analyzes me. We don’t even say anything to each other as he studies me. “Hey,” he says quietly, eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re…not okay, are you?”

It’s less of a question and more of a statement. Still, I hang my head and then shake it, throat tightening once again with the threat of tears. Cash sighs and steps into the house, shutting the door behind him. He kicks off his shoes and steps forward, and then he’s hugging me.

Cash and I are close. He’s my brother in law, and despite what happened in the past, I’m happy to give him the title of my brother. But we’re not hug-while-we’re-crying-and-falling-apart close. Still, I sink into the embrace. A deluge of tears flows onto my cheeks and all of a sudden, I’m not just crying, I’m having a full-blown panic attack.

I can vaguely hear Cash saying my name but my ears are ringing too loud for me to be sure. My whole body has gone numb and tingly; I can’t feel any of my limbs which only makes me panic more. My knees give out and I fall to the floor, but Cash stays wrapped around me. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but they’re words of comfort. I’ve never lost it quite this badly in front of someone before, and I find myself glad that it isn’t Presley, or even Slim or Ash. Cash has known me the least amount of time and for some reason, it’s easier to break down in front of him.

“...Colson. Colson!” I’m so stunned by the fact that he’s calling me Colson and not Kells that I snap out of my attack, just a little. The ringing in my ears intensifies and then eases up, which makes me feel like I can breathe again. Slowly, the numbness fades but the tingles stay, and all of a sudden, I’m shaking like a leaf. But at least I’m breathing again and I can focus on Cash.

“Deep breaths, brother. C’mon,” he soothes, and I understand why he and Presley are so close. He’s great at this whole comfort thing. I do as I'm told, even though my breaths are shaky and ragged at first. But Cash continues to sit with me, his arms wrapped around me, my body leaning on his, and we breathe together.

I have no idea how long we’re sitting on the floor before Cash takes a final deep breath and lets out a little chuckle. “Jesus. You scared me for a second,” he mutters, and the calmness in his voice makes me realize how trivial this all feels. Megan told a straight up lie. I didn’t even do anything wrong. The only thing I did wrong was to take it out on Presley. And all because she left I was going to, what, kill myself? Jesus Christ.

When I realize that I would’ve gone through with that stupid decision if Cash hadn’t shown up, I start to tremble all over again. I let out a pathetic whimper. Even though it would’ve been self-inflicted, the near-death experience brings a rush of adrenaline into my body. But Cash brings me back with his soothing but firm voice.

“Hey,” he says. “What is going on? You need to talk to me, Kells.”

“I-I w-w-was g-going to–” My voice is trembling too hard for me to make out the words. Cash shushes me and rocks me a little, and the gesture is surprisingly soothing. It takes me back to childhood or something.

“Breathe,” he murmurs. “You were going to what?”

“K-kill myself,” I finally manage, my voice totally miserable.

I feel Cash go tense but slowly, it eases, as if he’s purposefully making himself relax. “How?” he asks.

“Pills,” I sob. “Jack.”

“Did you take anything?” he asks, voice a little higher with panic, but I quickly shake my head.

“I had the fuckin’ bottles i-in hand,” I hiccup, “when you knocked on the door. Jesus Christ, Cash. If you hadn’t shown up…”

“God dammit, Colson,” Cash says thickly. “You’re my fucking brother. God dammit.” He squeezes me tighter and takes a steadying breath. “We need to go somewhere. We need to take you to the ER.”

“B-but I didn’t–”

“Only because I showed up,” Cash interrupts. “If I hadn’t shown up, you’d be…you’d be….” His voice tapers off and he shakes his head. “That’s too close for comfort, man. Please. Just…for me?”

It’s really the least I can do, knowing that Cash is the sole reason I’m alive. Besides, he’s right. That was way too close for comfort. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts like that in forever. It’s scary just how close I was to following through. Hesitantly, I nod, and the breath leaves Cash’s lungs in a relieved whoosh.

“Okay. Come on, brother,” he murmurs, pulling me up. “Let’s go.”

I hate the idea of being "famous." I hate when people use their fame to get special treatment. As much as I love the luxury of private jets and expensive restaurants and being able to travel anywhere in the world, I try my best not to take advantage of my name.

But I’m not complaining about the privacy I receive at the emergency room.

We’re able to check in over the phone and wait in our car. I walk through a door in a secluded part of the hospital so no one sees me, aside from the staff. I’m whisked right into a room and treated immediately. It makes me sad knowing that there are other people waiting, but at the same time, I was at risk for dying tonight.

A woman in a white coat slips into my room and smiles warmly at me. “Mr. Baker?” she asks, and I nod. “I’m Dr. Schultz. Thank you for your patience.”

I barely had to wait. Still, I nod and smile politely.

Dr. Schultz studies me for a second. “Honey, I want you to know that you’re safe here,” she says. Her voice is warm and calm and instantly, I feel soothed. “We’re going to take care of you. Okay? I just need you to be honest with me.”

“Got it,” I croak.

Dr. Schultz pats my hand and smiles softly. “Okay. Tell me what happened.”

From there, I walk Dr. Schultz through the bullshit that has been my life recently. She listens intently, never once rushing me through the evaluation. After I explain what happened, we go through my medical history, medications I’m on, whether or not I’m drinking and taking drugs, and what diagnoses I have. I’m exhausted by the time we’ve talked everything out.

Dr. Schultz closes her notebook and clicks her pen closed. “Colson, I would like you to stay overnight,” she says. “Since you and your partner are in an argument and you’re not sure if she’ll be home tonight, it would give me some peace of mind if you would stay here overnight. I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping and we can give you something that will help.”

I nod, feeling relieved that I don’t have to go home to an empty house. Even though I scared the shit out of myself and feel like I’ll never even come close to suicidal thoughts again, I agree with the doctor. Staying overnight would give me peace of mind, too.

I’m set up in a room shortly after, and I text Cash letting him know what’s going on. He assures me that he’ll be here in the morning to pick me up, and he asks if I need anything from home. I don’t want to burden him more, so I tell him I don’t need anything. Then, I silence my phone and set it aside.

My sleeping medication is administered soon after I settle in. All I want is to talk to Presley, but she needs time, and that’s okay. For now, I just want to sleep, and thanks to the medication and the doctor, I do.

Taglist: @triplexdoublex@jaxbreaker@mgklove99xx@jinx-on-mars-19xx@iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker@anonymousme86@whiteleoqueen@feroniakutenpuu@hxllywoodwhxree

#mgk #mgk fanfic #mgk fan fiction #mgk angst #colson baker #colson baker fanfic #colson baker fan fiction #colson baker angst #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly fan fiction #machine gun kelly angst

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alanfromrochester · 2 months

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THG book 1 reread thoughts

THG rereads book 1

The TBOSAS movie inspired me to finally read that book and reread the originals

The start does well at setting the scene, but that might be helped by having first read knowledge to work off of.

"inside the woods is the only person with who I can be myself: Gale" is common Everthorne fodder but in context it comes right after who can be trusted with political rants. A child repeating what they shouldn't is I thought of with Posy but it's mentioned with Katniss and Prim. Tesserae did seem like part of divide and conquer within districts, and Katniss describes Gale saying just that.

There is much more to the story than the love triangle, of course, but I couldn't avoid thinking about Everlark shippers insisting it was set up already. I do see a lot of potential with Peeta and not much romantic about Gale however close they are otherwise. (At first I saw friends-to-lovers potential with Everthorne and figured Everlark happened because of shared experience with the Games)

I'm hardly starving but could still relate to the dumpster diving - the bins had just been emptied is frusting timing. I forgot the details of the all important Peeta giving Katniss bread. It was fresh but burnt, I had mentally assumed it was stale. Deliberately burnt to give away? Even if it's a lost sale rather than just giving away something that would be trashed anyway, she's still being cruel. Also note that Mr. Mellark will only trade for squirrels when she's not around. When Peeta didn't say anything to Katniss, I had assumed he was too much of a dork to talk to girls (I can relate to that too) but I got the clear impression he was scared of his mother.

Haymitch and Effie's appearances were refreshing - highlights there's more to him than a drunken idiot and more to her than being vapid about the show.

I wonder if Haymitch told Peeta about the forcefield around the tribute center because of the one at the edge of Haymitch's arena. Avoiding tributes escaping or being killed (note no fighting each other, with neutral sparring partners available) before the Games felt like a reaction to the haphazard early procedures in TBOSAS.

Katniss worrying about not helping Lavinia feels kinda like Coriolanus and the Sejanus situation from TBOSAS.

I had forgotten the beginning to middle Games because the finale was so dramatic.

I thought of Clove as the District 2 psycho, but Cato isn't the most mentally stable individual either, I had remembered him as more of a straight up meathead/jock. "I kill her in my own way" could be interpreted in a particularly sinister manner. It reminds me of the hero escaping because the villain takes his time, like monologuing to a captive James Bond. Maybe it's doubly personal because of not only his close call with the tracker jackers, but Glimmer's horrific death, a Cato/Glimmer hint perhaps.

I rmembered Rue helped Katniss by pointing out the tracker jacker nest, but I forgot how closely they worked together. Rue talking about 11 being even worse than 12 made me think of all things The Big Bang Theory - Stuart the comic book store owner is even more antisocial than the nerd main characters. Maybe dramatic contrast is part of the point. Katniss thinking that conversation might get censored made me think of how a Peeta interview in Mockingjay was quite interesting for the audience as no Victor had previously spoken publically about their experience in the arena.

Marvel killing Rue with Katniss immediately shooting him was hard to forget but I hadn't remembered he snared her first. The memorial wasn't as extensive as I recalled but perhaps that's because the movie really emphasized it.

Careers carrying minimal food and being vulnerable to disruptions was interesting as both a comment about starvation and Games strategy.

I also hadn't remembered the fire sequence. Perhaps Haymitch was able to save sponsor money for the burn ointment because Katniss is an experienced hunter and gatherer so the money didn't need to go to food.

I remembered Peeta was sick in the cave and the feast included his medicine but forgot just how dire the situation was. Blood poisoning used in the medical sense for infection complications (apparently when bacteria from the infection get into the blood) threw me for a loop because the xenophobic usage was in the news December 2023 (with Trump channeling Hitler about immigrants). "Remember, we're madly in love, so you can kiss me whenever you want" even when he's half dead I saw two ways - that crush is severe, and/or he still has the sense to play up the star crossed lovers act.

I do feel drugging Peeta when he said not to is acceptable because he's clearly not in his right mind, physical illness analogue to involuntary committment for mental illness.

In the cave she dreams about being snug at home, that seems telling.

Katniss thinking about the truth of Peeta's first day of school story is some "real or not real" already, I wonder if SC deliberately planned it that way or later decided to reference the earlier concept. I figured Peeta meant it, maybe played it up, even if Katniss didn't reciprocate.

Her not wanting to sing because it reminded her too much of her dead father is how I think I reacted to baseball for awhile.

The movie emphasized the Rue mutt if I recall correctly; the book highlighted Glimmer and Foxface. I recalled Katniss putting Cato out of his misery with the mutts but forgot that dragged on all night.

I wasn't surprised there was some sort of new victor interview, but I had forgotten about the highlight reel and the platforms and the stage being modified for two.

With a new appreciation for Everlark, the ending was heartbreaking where Peeta is shocked at it being at least partially an act/strategy on Katniss' part, highlighting how real it was for him at least. The book ending before the homecoming was an interesting dramatic choice.

#thg #the hunger games

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caintooth · 1 year

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you give off grad student vibes; are you?

yeah i’m a grad student, like, spiritually ;) no LMAO i’m kidding it would be fucked if someone actually claimed that

real answer tho, no i’m not currently! i’m taking some time off to work a job, have hobbies, and be a “student of life” or whatever, which is what i was trying to convey with that bad intro joke.

so, this is way more than you asked for, but… idk i’ve been meaning to say a lot of this for a while and writing it all out felt good, so unfortunately your ask is now the base for it lmao!

i think it’s important to talk about academic stress and how it can ruin not just your love of learning, but your sense of self.

for background info, i have a general Associate of Arts degree, and a Bachelor of Arts degree for which i completed a comparative literature major, with an ‘official’ focus in creative writing (though ‘personal’ focus in poetry, video games, film, and the fluidity between those mediums), and a minor in religious studies. i graduated in may of this year.

now, as a child, my mom was very harsh about school, to the point that my cousins would not want to come over during summer breaks because they knew we would be doing some sort of worksheets that my mother had designed. my “free” time was filled with non-stop educational camps, day classes, documentary watching, museum trips with worksheets, etc. until i was about age 14. and i do know that on one hand i am extraordinarily privileged to have had those experiences, and i am very thankful for them! but the reason those stopped is because i also grew up with several undiagnosed, thus untreated and increasingly severe mental illnesses. so i’m sure you can make the connections necessary to see how… damaging… my mother’s academic pressure became. i didn’t continue with further extracurricular programs because i ceased to be able to go even to regular school. my anxiety, both academic and social, became so severe that i was placed on a local program called “home hospital school”, which is normally reserved for terminally ill patients. i eventually transferred to an “early college” program because i could not go back to “regular” high school and at that point, wanted to be done with school as quickly as possible.

i took a gap year after graduating with both my high school and 2-year college degree on the same day. i was terrified and exhausted and having regular breakdowns about having to apply for more undergraduate classes. eventually i applied to 2 programs just to appease my mother that i would have at least one school and a “back-up,” and my first choice was the program at UNC-CH i just graduated from. i attended therapy just to push myself to do those applications.

and the first half of my time at UNC was… terrifying and confusing. i didn’t know what i actually “wanted” to do with my life let alone my day-to-day time, what i enjoyed, or why i was there. my dissociative disorder grew worse during that time than it had in my entire life. but eventually, being away from my mother gave me the chance to explore topics i never thought were even possible in an academic space! i took classes where we played video games for an hour straight, talked about the social origins of different urban legends, dissected how people fall for conspiracy theories, excitedly discussed queer and disabled life as a form of radical resistance… i even got so lucky that in my senior year, i was able to take only the classes i wanted and had chosen for personal enrichment.

what i’m trying to say is that i’d forgotten that learning could be fun. the reason my mom pushed me so hard in the first place, that little spark she saw in my eye: i fucking love learning, i love to discover, to fuel my curiosity, to ask dangerous questions. i love digging into the meat of life and finding out why and how. because it helps me understand more about myself, my friends, my passions. i spent so long doing what my mother wanted that i no longer knew what i wanted, or who i even was outside of her expectations.

which is exactly the reason i can’t go back to school right now. what i hope anyone still reading takes away from my words is this: if the subject doesn’t make you hungry for more, it’s not the subject for you. if you’ve spent so long being force-fed that you can’t remember what’s actually good to eat anymore? you must re-learn not only how to chew, but how to truly taste your food.

‘cause personally i feel like i need to stock my kitchen with so many more ingredients before i’ll be ready to cook the meal i truly want, y’know? and i know some of those ingredients i probably don’t even know the name of yet. to go back to school right now would be limiting for me. i’m pirating anthropology essays, experimenting with new photography methods, taking metalworking classes, writing a fake thesis about my favorite band, reading and reading and reading whatever the hell i want about any weird subject that strikes me. i’m expanding my goddamn palate.

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stitchthesewords · 1 year

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HI I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I ACTUALLY READ THESE CHAPTERS SEVERAL DAYS AGO BEFORE STITCH MADE MAJOR CHANGES TO THEM AND OH MY GOD SHE MADE THEM SO MUCH WORSE THE BOYS JHJKSJKFSJKKJ I AM RATTLING AT MY BARS-

ANYWAY. This was so much better than what I imagined but oh my god. The funny cute banter between Scar and Mumbo that is like barely inches from flirting. The teasing. The little jokes. Scar's fascination with "human stories." His excitement over the most mundane of memories, the minecart ride and the discoveries AND THEN WHAM, HURT!! ANGST!! NO COMFORT!! "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" AND THE RUNNING AND THE SHEER PANIC OF IT ALL OHHFDSHHAH-

Okay. Okay lemme back it up. Man the cute domesticness at the start, the little signs of Mumbo warming up to Grian (my dear readers that scene originally went very different and as good as the original was I am delighted by the change). I still can't get over the mental imagine of "Scar! :D And Grian :|" but he's warming up and he's becoming fond of the bird boy and aaaaaa I love them and they love each other <3 Helping Mumbo do something as boring and domestic as make item frames and just mmmm <3

"We have guns" YEAH WELL GUESS WHAT SCAR THAT'S NOT GONNA FUCKING HELP-

The minecart ride.... you should totally post the whole thing as an aside on tumblr or something, the long 700-ish word version was very fun :) But you summarized it very nicely here <3 I just love Scar tripping as he gets out and Mumbo ZOOMING over to help him, like honey I think you cut some of Grian's hair there LMAO

Just the whole arguing about the chorus fruit. "I'll go first, no I'LL go first you could get hurt, no ME-" Then Grian just fucking peaces out and immediately injures himself SORRY that SENT me I love them so much. I wonder how Mumbo and Scar react to that. "No I'll go first you're accidEEEGRIAN-"

Grian batting Mumbo away from the flame with his wings and Scar floating his staff away LMAO. Mumbo just Causing Problems On Purpose. Grian and Scar fighting to keep him Away From The Torch and him just being like having no self preservation cares BUT THEN TWO SECONDS LATER JUMPING AWAY WHEN THE TORCH GETS TOO CLOSE ON ACCIDENT LMAO. I'm sorry I love him so much, turns out a wet cat is still a cat indeed-

And Grian getting lost in his memories. Like he was in two places at once, in his head and physically (that is such a mood ngl, me every time I walk across my grandmother's farm jkgfdkj). The concern Mumbo and Scar have about him getting lost in thought and Scar's excitement over him getting a little flash of a mundane little memory aaaaa <3

THE ONES WHO CAME BEFORE I LOVE IT. I mean you know me you know I love a good ancestors and city ruins plot. AN ANCIENT MOB FARM KJFJKSJKFSJK at least they get the idea to dig around it. My god Mumbo's immediate "No you are not building a bridge here" and trying to be Intimidating™ and Firm™ and Scar just looking him dead in the eyes and lighting the torch to send him scuttling back like the wet cat he is under his vampirism HJKFSJLFKJSL I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH also the "I'm not as flammable as Scar says I am" WHY DO I GET THE FEELING YOU ARE LYING MR. JUMBO HUH?? HUH????

Anyway Grian just SEEING the purple light in the distance and knowing it's the Rift and immediately being mesmerized by it, drawn forward. God I want to see that scene from Scar and Mumbo's pov, Grian just running past them and flying and just jkfgkjdkj. AND THEN. THEN THE RIFT????? PUTS HIM IN A MEMORY???? I legit thought for a moment that Grian was remembering his home falling apart and then it just turned out to be an accident and then Mumbo and Scar's voices and words just melded with the memory?? dream?? and he had no idea what was really happening AND ALMOST WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THE RIFT I AM SOOO JKDSJKFJKS

AND SCAR SCREAMING. SCAR REALIZING WHAT'S HAPPENING AND SCREAMING AND GRABBING GRIAN IN POSSIBLY THE MOST PAINFUL WAY SO HE CAN DRAG HIM BACK WHILE THE RIFY TRIES TO EAT GRIAN?!?!?! THE RIFT REACHING OUT FOR THEM AND INJURING THEM??? OR ONE OF THEM IDK HOW MUCH I CAN SAY BC GRIAN IS DISASSOCIATING AND THE FEAR AS HE REALIZES WHAT'S HAPPENED AND THAT THE RIFT LURED HIM IN AND EVERYONE SCREAMING WONDERING WHAT'S HAPPENING AND SCAR YELLING AT MUMBO TO STAY AWAY FROM IT AS HE BODILY DRAGS GRIAN AWAY AND THEY RUN AND DON'T STOP AND THEY JUST RUN AND RUN BECAUSE THEY NEED TO GET AWAY (ARE THEY BEING CHASED TOO??? IF SO BY WHAT SCAR SCRAMBLED AWAY FROM THE HOLE AND MUMBO SEALED IT IMMEDIATELY JKSLK) AND OH MY GOD THEY HAVE CHOSEN THE WORST POSSIBLE OPLACE TO PUT A VAULT-

BUT. The first time, when Grian went through the first time it showed him grassy fields........ it didn't lure him in with a memory/dream IT TEMPTED HIM IN. BUT IT DIDN'T CONSUME HIM THEN. WHAT'S HAPPENING. But god imagine seeing grass and sunlight only to walk through INTO A FUCKING CAVERN. AND THE THOUGHT THAT HE WAS BEING CHASED I AM WONDERING NOW AND I AM. SO FEARFUL. STITCH. S T I T C H. WHAT IS HAPPENIIING EVERY TIME I THINK I KNOW YOU THROW A WRENCH IN IT HHJSDJHJKFSKJ

Anyway so obviously if you could not tell by my unhinged screaming this chapter was amazing and I am DYING holy shit. Thankyou for this it's wonderful <3

HI I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN THREATENED WITH THAT MIDNIGHT UPDATE FOR WEEKS AND IT WAS DESERVED. RATTLE YOUR BARS, YOU CANNOT STOP ME

I am clapping from my glass lil box of emotions though bc have the two of us in our dms last night while we freaked out about each other stories was the most fun I’ve had w writing in ages and genuinely so much joy in my heart. Could not have been a better night. AND YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES I ‘m glad the panic got across. I was typing, VERY fast.

That scene did originally go. Very different. Actually here hold on-

“Well. You don’t have to show us anything then. It’s our vault, and we know you used a chorus fruit to get in. So, we can just do that,” Mumbo said. His tone was a bit colder now and Grian swallowed.

😊 I much much much prefer ‘Grian [neutral]’ I think but man there is something about Mumbo slamming his metaphorical door shut in the original scene too. But also yes the domesticity of storage organization. They’re all so married already its sort of insane.

ITS FINE THEY WERE FINE EVERYTHING’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE

I should post the whole minecart scene actually. Not here, I’ll do it later. Shout at me if I don’t do it later klghsdhs But I really love it. I’m like a kid in a candy shop w the redstone mechanics and the minecarts in MC I just. Love. Them. So much. AND YES SCAR TRIPPING which was inspired by the fact that getting into and out of rollercoasters for myself is a fucking time and a half tbh. I love Mumbo using his Vampire powers for like, mundane everyday things like helping scar I am soFT ABOUT IT

Fun fact what you DIDN’T see was the original where Mumbo bit into it – the only reason I changed it is because it was weird having the non-POV character teleport away. The tension of the scene got muddled. Also peacing out w a chorus fruit in the middle of an argument about who should actually use the damn thing seemed like either a very Grian or Scar thing to do anyway sooooo. BUT YES HE JUST. IMMEDIATELY CAREENS ONTO HIS CHIN. Bless his hollow boned ass. They’re all such wet cats.

I picture mumbo as one of those tuxedo cats who just always looks like they are Up To Something. Slinking around. Making a lot of ruckus but then always sitting politely when you go to check on them. Batting at everything and anything. You get the drift. He is. SUCH a wet cat

[Grian would be an orange tabby and Scar would be a tortie, for the record. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.]

One of my favorite like. Bad??? Things?? [Well. Not necessarily always – disassociation and getting lost in your memories can be good for you in certain places for sure] the human brain does is go “Mmm hey there’s this Thing That Happened but instead of thinking about it directly we’re going to make you spiral around it like a bathtub draining and THEN let you remember what it was.” You know? Idk I think it’s a really interesting aspect to like, healing from trauma/how the brain deals with difficult memories. It helps, too, that there’s definitely Weird Magic Things at play too, which is a really interesting way to examine it. IDK one of my favorite aspects of fiction is how we can explode the human condition outwards to utterly ridiculous lengths in order to really peel back the layers of our own experiences and study them and learn from them/how to deal with them. And then the fact that not only is Scar Concerned and Excited but Grian has even attracted Mumbo’s Concern like. Mumbo Jumbo you are not living down the ‘Actually Cares About The Bird’ allegations.

FUN FACT ‘THE ONES WHO CAME BEFORE’ IS SOMETHING I STOLE FROM MY NOVEL- That’s what the people who live in the ‘modern day’ call Human Ancestors [Like, neandertals and homo erectus]. I DO know you love a good ancestor city ruins plot 👀👀👀. I do in fact know this about you. Eyes the recent midnight update. ALSO YEAH ANCIENT MOB FARM DLKGADFG They used to be so much easier to build I miss it. I should go back to alpha for funsies. Also I love mr Wet Cat Jumbo he’s so Scary tm and then he’s not at all in the slightest actually. It’s so funny. Scar has put up with him for so long. TBF He has put up with scar also for so long.

IN HIS DEFENSE, WHICH ONE OF THEM IS LYING TBH. THEY BOTH WOULD CATCH FIRE LIKE MATCHSTICKS LKADFG but also 😊

A little bit of excited to see it again a little bit of lured in. Excited /neg. I guess. Also I too want to see that scene from their POVs so. Uh. We probably will. Rift AU IS self-indulgent first and foremost after all 😊 AND Y E A H I wanted the Rift to get to play with Memories and Dreams in a really funky way for Reasons Revealed Later. I LOOOOOOVE How confusing it turned out to be honest. It is meant to be read as disorienting and not clear when is why is how. BUT THAT SCENE OF HIM ALMOST WALKING IN – I HAVE HAD THAT PLANNED BASICALLY SINCE I STARTED THIS AHHHH

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE PANIC Okay like I didn’t do a lot of description of the room the Rift is in because Grian has got Bigger Fish To Fry and taking time away to describe this MASSIVE PURPLE RIFT IN THE CAVE WALL felt out of place but. Imagine you are Scar. And the Avian you’ve grown fond of who occasionally does work for your lowkey criminal empire is walking towards it and not responding to you screaming his name and you have seconds to act and you GRAB HIM BY HIS WING which is a thing that’s already been shown to be a little bit sensitive [a lotta bit sensitive] and you feel the feathers pull out under your hand but you have to pull him away and as you do TENTACLES OF LIGHT BURST FORTH FROM THE RIFT, REACHING FOR HIM, SEARCHING FOR HIM [their POV is gonna be. Fuked.] AND ITS ALL YOU CAN DO TO GET AWAY BUT THE DAMN THING GRABS ONTO YOU AND YOU CAN FEEL THE SKIN OF YOUR ARM BRUISING AND TEARING AS YOU PULL YOURSELF AND GRIAN AWAY FROM IT I CANNOT BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS SCENE, OKAY? OKAY. AND THEN YOUR BEST FRIEND ALMOST LOVER ISS WATCHING AND ABSOLUTELY TRYING TO GET CLOSER TO HELP BECAUSE, I MEAN, HELLO, AND YOU CANT LET HIM get any closer, you can’t let whatever the hell this is touch him, hurt him, so you start just screaming. And running. Aaaaaugh. AND THE TWO OF YOU ARE RUNNING AND you’ve GOT GRIAN IN YOUR ARMS AND GRIAN IS FUCKING GONE HE’S SOBBING INTO YOUR CHEST AND NECK AND SHOULDER AND YOUR LEGS ALREADY HURT BUT YOU CANT STOP RUNNING AND-- 😊I cannot be normal about this scene okay I CANNOT.

WHAT IS HAPPENING INDEED, MY DEAR BELOVED FRIEND ATHERIX, WHAT IS HAPPENING INDEED.

Thank you for screaming it was a DELIGHT I cannot wait to write the next chapter I am practically vibrating out of my skin about it.

#Asks #Mutuals #Atherix #Rift Asks #Rift AU #Hermitshipping #Mumscarian #<- Implied/Future so I figured I would tag it #G O D I WANNA WRITE CH 3 #BUT I NEED TO GET SOME WORK DONE ON MY EXCHANGE FIC TOO???#REPLY TO ALL MY COMMENTS ON AO3???#AH

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fifthmoon0 · 1 year

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I want to take a moment to talk about why Dabi is the way that he is. I’m not going to go in depth about the correlation between his trauma and his actions. I’m also not going to try to figure out what mental illness / illnesses he may have. But I am going to talk about the trauma itself and how it severely damaged him.

It’s obvious, but the biggest reason he is the way that he is , is due to the trauma he endured growing up. I’ve seen a lot of people online claim that what he’s doing isn’t justified when you compare it to his actual trauma. That’s complete BS. What you endure emotionally / physically as a child can manifest itself in many different ways as you get older and into adulthood. Even the slightest bit of trauma can evolve into something much worse later on in an individuals life. Also, what Endeavor did may seem subtle and not that bad to some people, but it had worse implications than you may think.

You need to think about what Touya went through and put yourself into his shoes. Originally Endeavor thought so highly of him. Touya felt loved, cared for and special. Fast forward just a little into the future and you’ll find that this changes for Touya. Now he was being told that he is actually weak and because of this, he isn’t useful to his father anymore. On top of that, Endeavor straight up started to ignore Touya. He threw him to the side like he was some kind of wasted science experiment and not his child …. Endeavor only cared about him when he was useful to him. At this age, Touya was still developing mentally, so this behavior was detrimental to his mental health. Also, children, especially young children, love and admire their parents with all of their heart which just makes trauma all that much worse… I could tell that Touya really looked up to his dad. Trauma isn’t only an outcome from physical abuse. Emotional neglect , mental abuse and verbal abuse can also be super damaging to the ego and can cause so many negative side effects.

Quick side thought - I find it hard to believe that Touya still cares about his siblings, his father or even his mother in any capacity. And even if he does, I can tell that those feelings are nothing compared to the anger he feels instead. Mentally he isn’t well and and hasn’t been for a long time ... At this point he just cares about hurting and killing his father… 😓

Ok getting back on track. SPOILER ALERT - As a child Touya tried to kill baby Shoto. This is awful and you can’t deny that … However, you have to look at the situation at the point of view of a child. Touya was praised and loved so much but then suddenly tossed aside. Endeavor didn’t just tell him ‘hey we just can’t train anymore’ , he literally just stopped interacting with him in any way :/ At this point in time Touya was a very misunderstood, ignored and unloved child…. Children have a hard time expressing their emotions as it is and they often go to extremes without even fully understanding why. Imagine how much worse they must feel when they are also traumatized! Touya’s father straight up didn’t care about him anymore. I don’t think that he 100% stopped loving Touya, but I’m sure that’s how it felt for Touya. He felt an insane amount of misunderstood jealousy and anger towards Shoto. He probably also thought that ‘if Shoto is gone then dad will love me again’…. Again, he was at an age where his brain was still developing and he was going through emotional neglect. 😓… I do not think that this was in any way a case of Touya being naturally psychotic or anything like that. Not a chance. I think this was a negative set of emotions that stemmed from the trauma and neglect he was going through. Children already don’t completely understand the consequences of their actions or even understand death. And with Touya having having endured trauma so early in his life, his actions were probably more extreme than a usual child’s actions would be. Endeavor didn’t even consider this behavior as a warning sign or a call for help or anything. He did jack shit. That’s fucked up.

This may also be SPOILERS for some, just a warning. It’s also more or less a recap of some things I already mentioned. But basically , in the manga Touya learned that his body can’t withstand his own quirk. Because of this, Endeavor stops training him, which is honestly a good thing…. But as a result of doing that, he also just completely stops being there for Touya. He straight up ignored him and neglected him emotionally without any concern for him. He didn’t even go to check in with Touya. Just zilch. Nada. Nothing at all.

The fact that Touya was told that it was dangerous for him use his quirk no longer mattered to him. What really mattered to him was getting his fathers attention and getting the much needed affection that he was so desperately needing from him. That he used to get from him… Endeavor should have still been there for him, quirk or not. He should have been a loving and caring father no matter what. And he wasn’t. At that time, in Touya’s mind he believes the only thing that will help achieve this and make him feel better is by training himself so he can show his dad that he is actually worthy, even though his body can’t handle it. His flames became too powerful for him and well that’s as far as I’ll go because there’s more spoilers. But I can only imagine that this incident plus the events that took place afterwords only made his mental state that much worse. I can’t even imagine how bad it all must have been for him….

If Endeavor had just been there the whole time for his son & loved him for who he was and not just for his damn quirk, this would have not have ended up happening. For Endeavor it was just a matter of his son supplying him with what he wanted. We saw that with how he treated Shoto too. And he tossed his other children aside as rejects also, which is just so wonderful 🙃…. Touya was a different situation because he was cherished at first and then he was just thrown out like he was nothing. All of these children went through severe trauma but I believe this action towards Touya is particularly damaging. (It’s also interesting with Shoto because he was physically, mentally & verbally abused but also praised for being strong. This was also very damaging, but obviously brought a different outcome with it)

I don’t think Dabi’s actions are right in any way. He has done terrible and unforgivable things and he is not a good person in any way, shape or form. But you have to understand where it all stems from. And I can’t help but feel bad for him. I also really like him. He’s definitely a problematic fave of mine (I really like the other LOV characters too, for both similar and different reasons) To sum everything up, Endeavor was an awful father and husband. He has a huge mess to clean up that was caused by his actions as a father (and inactions) And although I find it hard to like his character, I’m glad that he is actually trying to atone for what he has done. That’s more than what most parents do. But like Dabi said… You reap what you sow…. :/

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carcharsaur · 1 year

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alright I finished another game, this time it's amnesia: crowd

^a succinct summary of my thoughts on this series as a whole this came out as a 2-in-1 pack on the switch last year, bundled with amnesia: later as both are follow-ups to the original amnesia: memories but I had to take a uh. almost 7 month break after finishing "later" because I literally have to build up an immunity to the parts of these games in particular that piss me off. but also I still really really like kent so I keep buying it LOL I'll put my deranged unfocused rambling under the cut though

my fav parts of this game were the "suspense" scenario things for ikki and kent, most the "work" scenarios and then like basically everything else is just "ehh" or actively grated me.... the after stories were weird also because some of them had to jump around to avoid overlapping with the after stories from "later" which for the most part I liked much better (for the characters I actually care about anyway). I'm too lazy to go into real gritty detail but a lot of stuff just felt regressive compared to the developments that happened in the first FD!?!? and I don't understand why.... it felt like suddenly they had to be a god-fearing christian game.. was there some controversy back in the day when they first were developing this for the vita LMAO it might just be I'm weary with it's... extremely stereotypical japanese 'demure woman vs voracious men' thing but it felt worse than normal. I think I might just spoiled from playing games that are as good as cupid parasite but also just most newer otome games being more comfortable with talking about sex in a way that doesn't feel fucking insane to me. there's making a nonsexual or asexual friendly mc/game and then there's "how are you alive" levels of airheaded unawareness that are just plainly grating.

I will hand it to this game that it finally did make my like ukyo more than I did through the first two games, where I thought he was just very "whatever" but despite the like... weirdass nature of "evil alter ego" they ended up resolving it in a way I think was pretty good and fully undid the initial game's thing about supernatural mental illness = inherent evil nature uh oh!!! but he still has hilarious joker mode sprites so it's still like. funny as hell but also taking itself seriously? at least I'm amused instead of completely checked out I still want toma to just die forever, hate his whole character and the dynamic he has with the heroine and I WONTTTT say more because I will write 3 paragraphs analyzing his character and tearing into how much I hate his fucking writing and how gross every bit of his execution feels. shin is still just unsatisfying as hell and actively frustrating at times (STOP BRINGING UP WHEN YOU WERE ALL 6 YEARS OLD YOU'RE LIKE 19-20 YEARS OLD MANN) also I'm still bearing a grudge on whoever did voice direction for the game because I'd never imagine kakihara would be so boring to listen to!!!!!! ikki was a little funny, sometimes good, but other times just... eyerolls forever and ever and less interesting than in the first FD and thennnn kent is still one of my fav LIs ever, to the point that I still don't know how someone that wrote him and his dynamic with the heroine and then also wrote the rest of these damn games... but his after story frustrated the fuck out of me. it wasn't necessarily ooc but just a couple of the narrative choices they made for it were unfitting and felt contradictory with the "later" route which is somehow still canon and so I was left kind of conflicted and frustrated with it.

the work scenarios were all cute though, and I enjoyed the really good side characters still being involved in the unlockable mini scenarios (except the New side character is just straight ass no question about it) but the minigames were tediously time consuming to get all of them unlocked =_= also kent was SO good in it that I wish his canon route had their coworker dynamic... instead of "math tutor to rival to lovers" LOL

and other than the ones I mentioned earlier, the "suspense" scenarios were just.... mehhh... and the fact I did enjoy kent and ikki's a lot leads me to think it's not just me. or it's just because I do not care for the other characters much LOL maybe both also the unlockable scene with orion, it's not outright 'wrong' sure but it's so fucking weird man. obviously gross bait. wish it wasn't there lmao

anyway taking a complete left turn, to me in my delusional mind palace they're a throuple with an adorable adopted child. or ikki is the mother👍

(the other half of this cg has all the other LIs pointedly avoiding holding hands with each other so this is real TO MEEE because ikki and kents dynamic is so fun forever also this:)

also, pointlessly, here's my fav clip

#car talking #car's 2023 media #also god the original art style is. it's own thing for sure #but all the timeskip outfits for the dudes were STRAIGHT ASS!!!#anyway overall. mid ass series but kent is so good that even though I'm sick to bastard death with half these guys #if they localize amnesia: worlds for some fucking reason I will still buy it #not a series I would really recommend to anyone though unless I thoroughly know what all their icks are. ymmv etc #glad to have it out of my small backlog though

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nighttmr · 2 years

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I’ll Be The Villain So They Can Be Heroes Ch. 19 Deleted/Alt. Scene

Original: Ch. 19 - Barbara (pt. 3)

“Dick, did you cut yourself because you were raped?” There was no easy way to ask but he knew it had to be done even as his heart was breaking at the devastated look on his son’s face.

Dick was frozen, the air knocked out of him, the blood draining from his face, as he was thinking what the fuck.

He stared at Bruce, horrified. How could he have known? How long has he known?

Oh god, does Bruce think he is unstable now? Was Bruce trying to gauge his mental state to decide if he should even be near the children right now? Was that why he wanted to have this talk in the first place?

He didn’t notice when the room was getting smaller or when his breathing quickened or Bruce shouting in alarm and trying to calm him down.

“Dick, you’re okay. You’re safe. Please look at me.”

Dick’s vision was blurry but he managed to focus on Dad’s voice, on his face.

“That’s good, chum.” He felt Bruce put his hand on his chest and Dick could feel Dad’s strong, beating heartbeat underneath his fingertips. He clung to it. “Just focus on my breathing okay?”

It felt like forever before Dick was able to fucking breathe without Bruce’s help.

His voice was even smaller and more hoarse than when he was talking about his damn rape when he said shakily. “Please don’t take the kids from me.”

Bruce was startled. “What?”

Dick flinched before pleading, hoping against hell that he can appeal to Bruce’s softer side. “I know how this looks but I’m not unstable. I’m not crazy. Please don’t take Dami from me. I can’t— Please don’t take my son away. I’ll do anything. I’ll give up the suit. I’ll quit being a cop. Just please don’t take him from me. Please Dad. I can’t lose Dami.” Not again.

It broke Bruce’s heart to hear Dick begging like that.

“I’m not going to take Damian away from you. I’m not going to take anyone away.”

“Oh.” Dick murmured quietly, now feeling embarrassed for his outburst. He wiped the tears from his face, trying to ignore how he probably didn’t help his case to be seen as an adult and not a child.

He lived longer than Bruce. He was Nightwing, leader and founder of the Titans. He was Batman, on par with Superman and Wonder Woman. He was their equal.

“Dick.” Bruce swallowed the lump in his throat before trying again.

“Dick, I know you love Damian as a son and I know Damian thinks of you as a second father. I will never tear you apart.”

Dick just nodded, throat too clogged to say anything more.

“I’m sorry for scaring you and making you feel unsafe.”

Dick said nothing.

Why was Bruce always messing up? He didn’t mean to make Dick retreat further into himself? He didn’t mean to make things worse.

His heart froze.

What if this pushes Dick into committing suicide sooner? Maybe Alfred should have been here too since Bruce can’t seem to do anything right. He even practiced a speech in the mirror and look how well that turned out.

Dick’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“…I don’t do it anymore. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

His heart broke seeing Dick wrapping his arms around himself, averting his eyes from his gaze.

It was as good of a confirmation.

Maybe Dick isn’t contemplating suicide anymore (and isn’t that a relief) but that doesn’t absolve Bruce’s failures and lack of actions.

He did this. He pushed Dick to leave the Manor. He made Dick feel like he couldn’t back to Gotham, to the Manor for help. He made his son feel unable to reach out to his father.

This was how the original conversation went until I decided that I wanted to have Bruce and Dick talking about the kids and how Bruce wasn't going to take them away until after Ra's was dealt with.

I needed to have a reason for Dick to act reckless and go straight for Ra's throat and that can't happen if Bruce and Dick had an emotional talk that solved all their problems.

I still liked it so I added parts of it in Ch. 20. That's part of the reason why I didn't post this until after I posted the latest chapter. It had some spoilers.

#dc #batfam fic #writing #drabble #dick grayson #bruce wayne #tw: self-harm

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foxychaosstarlight · 2 years

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Beauty and the Beast

Vampire!Silco x Fem!Original character - NSFW! | MDN

Warnings: relationship development, age gap, attempted rape, virginity loss, peeping, gentle sex, blow job, hand job, bloodplay, bites kink, daddy kink, loud sex, unprotected sex, sex with a pregnant woman, alcohol, smoking, death of animals.

Sub-chapters 1, 2

Gina was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees with her thin arms and staring into space. The girl woke up very early from a sudden panic attack and now, when the first rays of the sun are about to paint the tops of green giant fir trees outside the window, trying to fall asleep again was a bad idea. Today she will have a meeting with her stepmother's new boyfriend. Gina knew by heart how this "most pleasant" acquaintance would go – in the morning, this b!tch will wake her up at the crack of dawn, put a rag and a mop in her hands and make her scrub the house like a last cabin boy, so that everything glitters when she returns from another expensive shopping this week. "How wonderful it must be to spend my father's money," - the girl thought sadly, furrowing her eyebrows angrily. Her father died many years ago when little Ginny was at school – the amount of alcohol consumed with his sick heart killed a seemingly healthy man, and her stepmother didn't interfere with his daily libations in any way. The girl painfully pushed away these memories – the thought that then she had lost the only person who loved her even a little bit, burned worse than hot iron. Her thoughts returned to the scenario of the upcoming unpleasant meeting: she knew that Rose would definitely yell at her when she returned and checked the whole house for cleanliness, and if she found at least one speck of dust (and she would, you can be sure, and even if she didn't, she would pretend), Gina will have to get into a scandal with her again, but this will not save her from repeated cleaning. The girl sighed and shivered when she thought of something much more unpleasant – a meeting with another lover of Rose. These oiled beauties (and Rose was greedy only for such) stared at Gina all evening like hyenas at a piece of fresh meat, tried to touch her knees under the table, while the stepmother, decorated in the style of Pennywise, chirped something that they clearly cared much less than the hips of a young girl.

Comparing her stepmother to Pennywise the clown, the girl smiled. Rose really was a hellish creature with the appearance of an angel, banished from Heaven, but before that she flew through all the heavenly weather troubles that were possible. In her early 40s, she looked quite worn out by life (numerous lovers who abandoned her with amazing speed – as soon as they got her money – didn’t add to her beauty), but still attractive, it couldn’t be denied: a tall slender cold blonde with brown, almost black big eyes and plump lips definitely attracted attention. How she also attracted the attention of Gina's father, whom Rose met at another conference.

The girl thoughtfully passed through her fingers a strand of her fiery red long hair. "The same color as dad's..." - Gina thought sadly, but she wasn’t destined to indulge in painfully happy memories of her father - a hurricane named Rose flew into her small room without even knocking.

"It's not even dawn yet, and she's already here, she's breaking records!" - the girl was mentally indignant, but aloud with feigned mirth she only said: - Oh, hello to the sleepless! Are you already carrying a mop?

- No, honey. You'll take it yourself. - the blonde hissed angrily.

- Pfft, stop playing the viper. Maybe you should have knocked first? – Gina, still sitting on the bed, looked straight at her stepmother, who was swollen with indignation.

- I'm in my house and I have the right to do what I want! I didn't ask a little b!tch! - Rose spat. - Well, who knows, maybe I'm here just having fun with your previous... what was his name? Henry? And then you burst in. - having said that, Gina watched with obvious pleasure as the blonde rolled her eyes, ready to scream so that her ultrasound would be heard in the neighboring city.

The girl didn’t wait for the slap, which was obviously promised by the outraged Rose's upraised hand, jumped out of bed and darted past the evil fury through the doorway, slipped into the bathroom and locked herself there, leaning her back against the cool door and exhaling.

Cheeks, chest and back were burning as if Gina was burning from the inside. Another quarrel in the early morning will not add calmness. Of course, Gina wasn’t going to have sex with any of Rose's vile fans, but it was masochistically pleasant to annoy her stepmother, who was already burning with anger and envy, although the girl knew that with this statement she hadn’t added points to herself in her eyes and now she would have to scrub the house almost all day.

Gina slipped out of a white short nightshirt, revealing the light peach skin of narrow girlish hips, a thin waist and elastic small breasts. Long wavy reddish-copper hair fell on her hips, enveloping her back with a pleasant warmth, warming in the coolness of the dark bathroom. Gina didn't turn on the light, not wanting to give away her location to the enraged stepmother, who was now rushing around the house in search of the daring stepdaughter, clearly wanting to lower a punishing hand on her cheek. And now she, stomping loudly, ran past the door, shouting "Where is this nasty little snake?!". Gina knew that she would soon calm down by going down to the first floor, counting a crisp (dad's...) bills and preoccupying her thoughts with the upcoming shopping trip. The girl didn't want to stay naked in the cool bathroom for a long time, so she threw her long leg over the high side of the ivory bath, stood in it, trying not to slip in the dark, carefully turned on the shower and with pleasure substituted her body with warm water jets. There was nothing more to fear, Gina had clearly heard that the fury had gone downstairs and was probably salivating there, counting dad's money. What a pity my father didn't take care of the will…Now both his money and his house belong entirely to his wife, who, even on the day of the funeral, was barely persuaded to wear black and she didn’t look upset at all, collecting a disapproving glances of neighbors and elderly distant relatives. Gina clearly remembered that day…She, the little tearful girl with red pigtails, stood at her father's grave and realized – that's all, there is no longer a single close person, only his body is here, not his soul. She won't hear his cheeky laughter anymore, he won't throw her up to the ceiling with his strong arms, laughing with her…

Gina didn’t notice of tears poured down her cheeks, she was so deeply immersed in memories that she realized that she was crying only when her eyes stung. Exposing her face to a relaxing jets of water, she washed away her tears, took a deep breath and turned off the shower. She had to pull herself together. Now is not the time to indulge in bitter memories, there is still a whole life ahead, and Gina hoped that it wouldn’t be as shitty as it is now.

The girl turned 18 two days ago (Rose, of course, ignored Gina's birthday, however, did she remember it at all? Gina was more than sure that she didn't), she had recently graduated from school with exceptionally good grades, which Rose also didn't care about. But the question about a university remained open. The evil blonde never had money for Gina, so it was useless for her to even stutter about paid training. From the age of 14, the girl worked part-time wherever she had to, she wasn’t afraid of work and wasn’t a sissy. But a money was obviously small. And now... for university, she will need a lot more than Gina has earned in her still short life. Well, she would think about it later, but for now…It's time to finish with the shower and start cleaning, the girl thought fatally. Anyway, this vixen will not let her live in peace if the house is not licked to shine before the arrival of her new precious boy.

#silco fic #vampire silco #silco x oc #silco #arcane

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icharchivist · 1 month

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You know what, I'm glad they use the extended time of the "Remake" (because it's not a remake, you know what I mean, you get me) to develop the characters and their relationships more

Of course it sucks if they miss and miss hard, but as long as the highs are high, I'm happy for you <3

THANKS <333

And yEAH honestly

like, they extended the game a lot and i'm glad when those are for characters' studies. When they really want to spend more time with the characters so that their development feels here and earned, and you really feel how close they become. For all the way the game isn't a straight remake, it really manages to highlight the big points of each characters' journeys and give a thoughtful build up in between.

There's also sometimes where they add stuff, like Tifa feeling conflicted about what they're doing is not really in the OG, at least not at this point, but it works, it plays on what we know of her personality as well, so it's nice they expended on that. Or even actual backstories and characters for Jessie Bigg and Wedge helps a lot also building their point.

I've seen them fumble some characters later on, but at least the straight extentions that exists out of it being a remake, are generally pretty interesting

the problem is really the whole plotline that makes it "not a remake", once you see it you can't stop seeing it Sephiroth shouldn't be there, and i hate how many scenes that are touching gets interrupted bc of that. (Aerith and Cloud's first meeting, that is genuinely charming in the original, being made almost entierely about the Specters and Sephiroth is one of my villain origin story, they didn't need to do that like holy shit dude.)

and i do think the remake is a lot less subtle than the OG on points that *are there* but are kept lowkey for a reason in the OG. Like Cloud being mentally unstable, which is far more focused on in the remake (+ his new visions from the future), is kept more lowkey in the main game in a way that gradually gets worse in worse -- the first time Cloud blacks out you're like huh. that's weird. anyway. And then the more it happens the more worried you get. But i think the Remake, with all the flash effects and adding more triggers than Cloud had eend up lampshading it too much. And also he shouldn't have visions from the future but yaknow.

The remake also goes a little too hard to really show just how much Shinra is making things worse to make Avalanche seem bad, while also constantly undercutting the branch we're in by saying we're not as radical as the other branches. It's hinted at in the Original game, but since you're limited to Cloud's perspective (which itself is unreliable), you don't actually see, like in the remake, Shinra make things worse on purpose. and it kinda bugs me because this ambiguity is the core of a character conflict between Barret and Cait Sith later on, which personally i find really interesting. But considering they're also NOT subtle about Cait Sith in the remake the whole thing feels handled in a very bizarre manner.

Personally i think the Propaganda machine in the OG being this uncertain, also reflects ultimately Cloud losing grasps on reality as well. When you only have the infos Cloud really has, everything can be questioned, and in a sense the propaganda lying ends up being in this same nebulous area that, say, Sephiroth's later manipulation will be, of taking the truth and just twisting it just enough that you end up doubting yourself about it. Aka "the game is working hard to gaslighting you as well as it gaslight Cloud". And i feel that by lampshading it because it comes with the "not remake" angle of "well you know what's up with Cloud anyway so let's just show you more", you lose a big part of the plotline.

and maybe i'm just a purist but i think we would need proper discussion on how propaganda have you question your own grasp on reality more now than we did in 1997, but what can i say.

I ended up complaining while i was being positive for once Nooooo

So yeah i mean, the game has a lot of good strength especially if you're a fan of the OG because it does give deep dives where it's needed. It's just wild that the "bad" stuff are just also stuff that feels so disconnected from the original game as well.

But i AM having fun and i do feel a lot of feelies over how i love and care for those characters.

so at least it's nice <3

#don't enable me to talk about ffvii i have so many thoughts--#ichareply #anonymous #ichafantalks ffvii #ichablogging ffviirg

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viaphni · 1 month

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Yapping about Corrupted Colors EP3

(I am going to headcanon refer to Chaotic with plural pronouns because that is just Better for the Multiple Personalities (????????????) thing man......)

I have to admit, I did NOT expect the main villain (?), Chaotic, to show up so soon. I thought there was going to be more time for other stuff, but i guess bro just got straight to it. Especially with the fact that the infection has already made it to the Redstone Kingdom (even if it did recees into stone upon Chaotic's leaving). It seems like this stuff is gonna spread a lot faster than they can handle? Maybe worse than the Darkness. idk its hard to get worse than dark diamond

I also didn't expect Chao to be the way they are,,, at all

The shot of them walking forward in the trailer (and the lack of a Mouth) immediately gave me the impression of something ,,, really quiet? For some reason? Really quiet and dark and sinister, contrasting to the bright and messy colors. like for some reason i was really caught off guard when they started talking. I think it was probably the association with Origin they had in my head.

(just gonna slip these back in here,,,,,,,,)

But Chaotic DID turn out to be. chaotic

They seem to be several conflicting people/personalities/motives in one body (i think Cosmo said he was canonically bipolar). They even refer to themselves as "everybody" and "nobody," like right here, during some kind of power surge—

I am nobody and everybody. We are everyone.

"I am nobody" and "we are everyone" continue on with many of the conflicting things they said throughout the episode and fight

These lines in particular are really interesting because they show that ONE side is doing the infecting and the OTHER is doing everything they can to stop it. It asked the other to "spare them" at one point too. And the harmful side doesn't care, doesn't worry, only seems to want to spread the infection and make everyone join the "party—"

—which i found strange too. The side that does most of the hurting seems to be very enthusiastic and happy about what they do, even opening up with asking Diamond, Lapis, and Redstone if he likes what they did with the place

The thing that REALLY gets me though is the last line Chaotic said before teleporting away (because they got driven back by the main trio, and I assume the pacifist(?) side won the mental fight)

"We won't forgive him..."

Can we even tell which side is talking there? Who is "him?"

I feel like it could be either Diamond or Origin. Origin allowed a lot of stuff to happen (while blaming on Diamond), i mean i think he even mentioned a consequence of Dia's universal travel being something like..... i dont remember. really deadly for their universe

Maybe this is that. Maybe Origin's consequences are coming to him. Could Pacifist BE Origin? I DONT KNOW. MAYBE ITS DIAMOND. BUT ORIGIN could have let the Chromatics die off and thats why the colors are corrupted??? WHYYY ARE THE COLORS CORRUPTING.

Stuff with the Chromatics makes me really concerned for the Professor too, with him being the only Red Steve left (that we know of)

Uhhhhhhgggghh i have so so many thoughts

#diamond's fantasy #bedrock rising #corrupted colors #cc chaotic #I Love This So Much so far. so so happy #I wonder when the next lotb collab will be #i will literally sob #i hope diamond CANT remember next time #RAAAGAH BUT CHAOTIC

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drewoclock · 3 months

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Doin' School

Originally published May 2nd, 2016

I’m not one to be embarrassed by very much, but there’s actually something shameful I’ve been intentionally hiding. Last year, myself and many of those in my high school senior class were finally graduating college after four years--except I wasn’t among them. My college experience wound up involving three separate colleges, and as it turns out, the collegic system makes it difficult for transfer students to graduate in their expected year. While I was meant to be a 2015 cap-wearer, reality sets me at 2016.

I won’t lie; this made me feel very inferior to the peers I was formally graduating with, and even more inferior to the peers I was going to graduate with instead. It was the mental equivalent of getting held back a year, despite the fact I didn’t do anything to academically deserve it. This was a matter of timing only and had nothing at all to do with my status--and yet, I’ve never mentioned anything mentioning the fact I’m still in school publicly up until right now. I felt small not being able to do it in four years.

This fear of not being my best checkered a lot of my academic career. I would feel pressure to take as many AP classes as I could, even if I didn’t want to take them. I had to be the smartest. I started out school as a great student but as the work became more consuming, my focus waned, and it was hard for me to stay a great student. In fact, I really wasn’t. Once academics became a real commitment, my straight As were gone, and at some point I got Fs.

Do I still regret these things? Yeah, I do. I wonder what it would have been like had I applied myself more. Had I not become a prolific class-skipper in high school and instead taken more challenging classes. I don’t tend to have the greatest capacity for retaining volumes of information, but perhaps applying myself would have sharpened these abilities. I could have developed better intellectual recall. I could have become a smarter human being.

But then again, it wouldn’t have mattered too much. I still wound up getting into one of the best film schools in the country, which turned out to be disappointing for me. It’s such a crapshoot. So much of that shame I felt was because I felt I was denying myself the opportunity to get the best college education, but now I realize that a good college education depends much more on luck than on grades. Still, it could have been nice to be smarter.

The worst thing, though, is that I don’t feel much of an absence in my life. So many classes I did not really apply myself to, and I don’t really feel any worse off because of it. And this was such a large portion of my life. I wandered through it half-aimlessly, just seeking to have fun, and it panned out. I’m glad I’m happy, but I’m sort of bothered by the pointlessness of it all. I guess I had enough moments of academic discovery, like the arts, to make it worth it. Though not nearly enough.

I think what really got me attached to school, however, was the community. It’s not that uncommon an idea of a group of people taking notes as a superior addresses them. But something about that specific classroom setting, and the specific experience of attending a school, has really stuck with me. It’s not technically remarkable, but the fact I’ve been doing it for so long makes it noteworthy. And of course, the friends I would make along the way was wonderful.

And the reason I write about all this? Today was my last day of classes, ever. Humorously, it’s also the only day I pulled an all-nighter before all of my thirteen hours worth of classes, so my attempt to stay alert for a personal record amount of time made the day even more memorable than it already would have been. I took notes while doodling on a piece of paper today and I thought, I’ll never really do this the same way again.

When I was younger, I was heavily sentimental about graduating a grade--I recall finishing elementary school to be a particularly hard time for me. It was very affecting for me to sprititually leave behind a chapter of my life that I had invested so much into. While I’ve become better at not being such a wreck these days, I have to say that it’s hard to not feel something here. It’s not just another year come and gone; it’s the whole academic experience. Sure, I can take other classes if I want to, but that official road of schooling for me has closed at last. I won’t think of years as September-August anymore. And it’s hard to believe.

I’m not even really going to edit this (though eh, maybe I will). I just wanted to freewrite how I felt right now. It’s not often that I get to feel like this. There’s never been such a large part of my life that I’ve had to say goodbye to before. It’s like a whole volume of my life has wrapped up. There are so many incredible chapters to reflect on that I’m overwhelmed. But it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to have been given the opportunity to feel so attached to something, even if it wasn’t of my own free will really.

What can I take from it? I would say that the most practical lessons I could give are “don’t make assumptions about what you’re capable of” and “follow through with things”. Doing both of those would have corrected so many of my academic shortcomings. But on a deeper level? The idea of growth. How sad and joyful it is to be able to change in such a way that you have to leave parts of yourself behind as other parts journey onward. And the idea of just how much happens. As slow as time moves for me, it’s wild when I remember all of the things that colored my timeline over the years. School is how I measured time. School is where I had so many opportunities. In a word, it was fulfilling, and I’m endlessly thankful for all of it.

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