#very easy for these fucks to dehumanize her for so long that she began to really deeply internalize that but I am veering off

[yelenasdog]

romance and espionage (eggsy unwin x fem reader)

genre: fluff w/ whole lotta angst

summary: who knew names could be such a touchy subject?

words: 2.4k

warnings: literally saying fuck everyother sentence, kissing, golden circle spoilers (is that a thing? idk), mentions of harry’s supposed death, mentions of roxy’s death, guns, and i think thats it.

ok, all my cm moots don’t judge me. 

a/n: ight so uhh as i’m posting this i’m finding out taron is an incel so that’s kinda oW but uhh i haven’t seen the secret service, i just rewatched the golden circle the other night and hyperfixated on taron so... uh here’s this LMAO. also! this takes place after the golden circle, and reader took roxy’s spot as lancelot. ok enjoy!!

♔♂♔

“God, Eggsy, would you quiet down?!”

He snarled meanly in a way that could make Bennie and Jet’s metallic forms cower in fear, his thin lips turning into a grimace.

“Don't call me that here. It’s Galahad, and Galahad only.”

The other agent only scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Lancelot’s surroundings were dark, although quite stunning nonetheless. It was clear and starry night sky, perfect for romance, the worst for espionage. The air felt so refreshing on her skin, allowing her to feel free in some way, even just for a moment, which she savoured, as a feeling such as that was rare in her line of work.

Now, if the girl had been with someone other than the annoying, prickish, and (even though it pained her to the highest degree to say it) handsome fellow, she maybe would have tried to have a little fun to pass the time. Maybe fool around a bit, fraternize with a coworker, eh?

But alas, ever the one with amazing luck, she was stuck with him. 

Which meant rather than perhaps getting crescent shaped markings on her hips from a quick rondevu under the indigo sky and sparkling stars, so roughly placed to match the moon that hung in it, she was crouching uncomfortably, only wishing that the former scenario was taking place.

 Not that she meant with fucking Eggsy, of course.

Well ok, maybe, just a tad.

“Fine, have it your way, Galahad.” She flailed her arms about in a jazz hand motion, making the blondy roll his twinkly eyes in a boyish manner. She fought the urge to grin widely, a warm feeling blooming in her chest, even at his obvious arrogance and upset towards her.

She wanted to blame his feelings towards her on her being a freshmen agent, recruited right after the convergence of Kingsman and Statesman in an effort to rebuild the organization. She had been childhood friends with Roxy, who had long ago tried to get Y/n to join the agency. When faced with her friend’s death, she wanted to honor her wishes, even if this wish was a little, well, extreme.

He only sighed in response to Y/n, tapping the side of his thick rimmed glasses twice.

Y/n’s eyes followed his hands as he did so, enjoying what she was seeing a great amount. She bit her bottom lip subconsciously, losing all focus that was there to begin with.

“Lancelot? Lancelot? For fucks sake, Y/n!”

She snapped her head up, her eyes becoming magnified even further through the faux tortoise shell glasses that Unwin would never admit framed her face wonderfully.

No, not a chance.

He wouldn’t dare even let the thought about how the soft skin of her freckled nose looked even more kissable, her eyes even more full of depth and wonder, or how kind and sweet she looked when she tucked a stray strand of hair away from her face. All because of the damned glasses. Never.

So rather, he settled for pointing over to where the subject of their stakeout was now standing, gun in hand as he conversed with one of his comrades.

But although her body followed his, listening to his directions, most of the information was going in one ear out the other, her brilliant mind occupied by a certain agent and his endeavors.

She was hard in thought, wondering about names of all things. A simple subject, easy to address, you would think. But apparently it was not so, not at all.

You see, Eggsy never had called Y/n by her name. It was always either “Lancelot”, or “Agent”, Y/n only being used for the exception of if he needed to quickly grab her attention.

And on the flip side, she was never allowed to call him anything other than Galahad. Agent was sparse, it put her on very thin ice, close to splitting at any second with no prior notice.

Now obviously, with Y/n being Y/n, she was determined to crack his rough exterior, despite however much he presented himself as “unbreakable”. (His words, not hers.) So, much to his displeasure, she often called out a quick “Oi, Unwin!”, or a “Jesus, Eggsy!” whenever he got in her way, which usually resulted in a similar distasteful glance to what she was recieving now being shot in her direction.

“Alright, Eggsy, I’m thinking that his partner is-“ She used her glasses X-Ray feature, confirming her suspicions. “The partner is in the abandoned pharmacy across the street, should we wait or go now?” He was silent, staring straight ahead, scrutinizing nothing in particular with a stare that was set in stone. 

She whistled lowly, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Eggsyyy-“

“Lancelot, would you shut the hell up! Don’t fucking call me that!” He stood up, leaving a vulnerable feeling Y/n in his wake.

Y/n’s jaw was suddenly like it was wired shut. She was paralyzed, unable to speak, only keeping her gaze fixated on Galahad.

“Look, I’m sorry-“

“Yeah, well good, then! When will you ever learn, we’re not friends, nor will we ever be. Get it through you’re fuckin’ head. It’s like you think you’re Roxy or some shit-“

Sadness and guilt turned to anger rather quickly for Y/n at his unfortunate choice of words.

“Stop it! Would you please, just stop it! For fucks sake!” Her voice was harsh, something he never would had never expected out of Y/n. Tears sprung into her eyes, and her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, no doubt drawing crimson liquid in the process. She tasted iron on her tongue, feeling it seep into her taste buds.

“Lancelo-“

“Fucking hell, shut the fuck up! Really, please, Galahad, listen to me, for once in your life.” She was the one who shot up, inching closer to him with every word. The sticks and leaves crunched under her feet, causing her to cringe at the sound, hoping it didn’t alert the targets.

He nodded solemnly, his jaw locking up, and his hands she had been admiring only seconds before clamped into fists at his sides.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, Harry’s words of “remember your training” ringing through her head. She internally began chanting it like a mantra of sorts.

But if she was being honest, she couldn't quite remember a chapter in the Kingsman handbook (that she most definitely did read during training) that talked about emotional distress due to your coworker who you’re extremely attracted to calling you only by your dead best friend's name, but hey, who knows.

“I know I'm not Roxy. Nobody else could ever be Roxy. I know that, you know that, hell, she knew that. And I would say that you have no idea how it feels to be reminded of one of your closest friends who is dead every time someone calls you by a name that feels as if it isn’t your own, but you do, Galahad. Or you did. But now Harry is back and- and Roxy, well Roxy is gone!”

A single tear slipped out of her left eye. The agent in front of her felt a strong urge wipe away the tears he now felt guilty for playing a large part in. But he resisted, his hands remaining stuck to his side.

“So why would you do this? Say these things, act this way, when you know I have to live every day with you for some reason calling me Lancelot in every situation and me having to call you Galahad all the same! Maybe I shouldn’t have stepped up to be Lancelot when Roxy was killed, if I can’t handle it, can’t handle the dehumanization that comes with only being known as an emotionless fuckin’ agent to you.” 

She stopped, hanging her head. She looked over to the flickering neon lights of the pharmacy, watching the outlines of the targets move around.

“I honestly have no idea if any of that made sense, or if I’m just rambling, I don’t fucking have the slightest idea what the fuck I’m even doing anymore.” Her voice got significantly more quiet, her sentences reduced to mumbles.

Aside from the target and his partners yelling at each other, it was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

His usually stern tone he took with the girl was softer now as he spoke, “You made perfect sense.”

She gave him a half smile before continuing, feeling oddly validated by his words. 

“But what I’m trying to say, Galahad, is that I’m a fucking human being. I have a life outside of this Godforsaken job, and-and emotions, too! I mean, I might even have kids that you don’t know about!”

He internally rolled his eyes, yet again fighting another urge, this time to smile widely at Y/n. Weird.

“Do you have kids I don’t know about-“

“Of course I don’t!”

They shared a short laugh as their words overlapped, harmonizing in a sweet way, their voices like thick and golden honey. Weird.

The two were then succumbed to a blanket of comfortable silence, but only for a short moment before the hushed whispers of Unwin’s voice were heard.

“D’you wanna know why?”

Y/n cocked her head, beckoning him to go on with whatever it was he was going to say. “Why what?”

“Why I only call you Lancelot, why I don’t let you call me Eggsy.”

She nodded, sitting down once more and tucking her leg under her chin in a manner that Eggsy found endearing and adorable. It distracted him slightly, but not long enough for his starry eyed staring to become creepy. Not that Y/n would have it in her capacity to ever think that of him, if she was being honest.

“If I start to think of you as ‘Y/n’, rather than Lancelot things get too real. If you hurt, o-or if you get kidnapped, or God forbid- die.” He momentarily paused, looking up to meet Y/n’s eyes.

“It would make it all too real. I can’t do that, Y/n. After what happened to Harry and then Roxy, and everyone else,” he shook his head, his expression showing him close to crying at the thought of what he was speaking of.

“I can’t lose you too.”

It was like her soul had become visibly lighter, feeling an unimaginable relief flood throughout her system at his proclamation. She was able to come down from her, so to say, “high” almost as soon as she had started it, placing her hands on his, using them as leverage to pull herself up.

“You can’t be so afraid, Galahad. You gotta, you know,” she shrugged, offering him a small smile.

“Live a little.” She moved to look down to meet his eyes where his head was suspended in shame, forcing him to look back up.

“And also, try not to let your fear turn you into a dick, which is by all means just a suggestion.” Y/n laughed at the last bit, smiling and glancing to the side slightly.

They both shared a second laugh together, and it seemed as if for a short while, time stopped. It was just the two of them, features illuminated by the pale moonlight. No target, no saving the world, nothing. Just them. 

So he reached forward, unsure if what he was doing was the right thing, just like always. The damn question of righteousness was engrained in his brain, restricting him like it did majority of the time. But for once, he decided to disregard it in it’s entirety.

So throwing all caution to the wind, unable to contain himself any longer, he closed the small gap left between the two, connecting their lips in a long awaited kiss.

One of his hands flew to the side of her face, the other wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer with a squeal. He laughed into the union, and she only smiled. One of her hands went to entangle itself with his on her waist, the other resting on his shoulder.

She could smell his cologne that he most definitely should not have been wearing per Kingsman on the job regulations, and welcomed the scent, doing her best to commit it to memory, a permanent reminder of what it felt like to be so close to the man.

After what seemed like a long time (but never long enough, honestly) they pulled away, panting for breath. Their foreheads rested on each other’s, the cool night air flowing around them, calming the pair completely.

Still struggling to catch his breath, Eggsy reached forward, taking both of her hands. He ran small circles over her knuckles in a way that made her heart flutter, before dropping them gently, reaching a hand out.

“Let's start over.”

She giggled and widely grinned, and he swore it was becoming his favorite thing in existence when she would do either of those wondrous things.

“Come on, put her there.” He shook his hand slightly making a silly face as well, widening his eyes and looking back and forth from his hand and her face. She placed it in his, proudly smirking as she did so. Their shiny rings clanged, which resulted in another small giggle errupting from her throat.

 He shook it back and forth, a sly smile painting itself on his lips. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Eggsy Unwin.”

She quirked an eyebrow, retracting her hand momentarily, letting it linger in the air.

“Eggsy, hmm? Bit of an odd name, don’t you think?”

He scoffed, placing his hand over his heart in false offense.

“Well if it’s so bad, what’s yours then?”

“Y/n Y/l/n.”

He looked to his feet momentarily, lifting his hands on either side of his head. “I digress, you win.”

She bit her bottom lip again, wincing as she hit the same spot from before. She ran her tongue over it, breathing out quickly.

“I’m not so sure. I think Eggsy is growing on me.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

They smiled at each other like lovesick teenagers, still lost within the moment.

And although the bubble of ignorant bliss they were in was something the two of them never wanted to leave, it was sadly inevitable that it would be popped at some point in time.

And almost like an alarm to wake them up from a beautiful dream, gunfire was able to be heard ringing throughout the building across the way.

They pulled apart with a groan coming from Y/n, and a “For fucks sake” from Eggsy. With displeasure lacing their expressions, they began to run towards the pharmacy when Y/n felt a hand tug at her wrist.

“Y/n wait!”

Her eyes widened as she looked at him as if he was a mad man, only slowing to a backwards jog. She gestured around her to the burst of red and orange explosions that were now going off around her, screaming “What?!”

He sprinted to catch up with her forcing her to come to a complete stop with a firm hold on her shoulders.

“Eggsy, come on! Lets go- Ah!”

He cut her off with a firm kiss, gripping the sides of her head, scrunching his fingers in her hair. She let a small moan slip out at the feeling, which he responded to by chuckling. He then pulled away, a shit eating grin written on his face. 

She stood in shock, unable to move from her place. He started running, turning over his shoulder.

“Come on, Y/n, keep up!”

Not focusing on where he was going, he tripped over himself, letting out a small yell of surprise. Y/n laughed loudly, going to chase after him with a miniscule shake of her head at his antics.

But nonetheless, the only thing going through Y/n’s mind during that situation that should have been horrifying, was that maybe she was wrong all this time.

Romance and espionage did go well together, especially when it was with Y/n and Eggsy.

♔♂♔

hello!!! so this was a multi-fandom account to begin with anyways so honestly i feel like i should start a seperate masterlist for “hj’s hyperfixations”. but yah this was my first fic for him and idk if i’ll do another but i hope u enjoyed this! also it’s my bday tomorrow (sept 7th) so this is a self indulgent fic. as a treat. ok love u bye!

xx hj

also avery asked me to tag her so @spideyspencer​ LMAO i’m so sorry for this mess.

#taron egerton #taron egerton x reader #taron egerton x you #taron egerton fanfic #taron egerton fic #taron egerton fluff #taron egerton angst #taron egerton kingsman #kingsman #kingsman eggsy #kingsman golden circle #kingsman secret service #eggsy #eggsy x reader #eggsy x you #eggsy unwin #eggsy unwin x reader #eggsy unwin fluff #eggsy unwin fanfic #eggsy unwin angst #eggsy unwin imagine #eggsy unwin one shot #kingsman galahad #eggsy kingsman #fem reader #kk bye #taron #taron x reader #taron x you

[brutal-nemesis]

EoS: Rescue O’Clock

FYI There’s a bit of a time gap (like 6-7 hours) between this chapter and the previous one but all the in between stuff is just like more torture and I’m thinking of ordering that stuff a little differently. I just wanted to get to this bit because :) I think it’s fun :)

 Ingredients: restraints, needles, betrayal, sort of mock execution/death threat, mouth sewn shut (the process is not described), dehumanization, referenced paralyzation

←Previous - Masterlist - Next→

Jairus couldn’t sleep. But how could he? His feet were slashed to hell, the burn on his chest stung horribly, the “cot” in his cell was practically just a piece of wood, and the col...that thing around his neck was incredibly uncomfortable. Oh, and his arm was full of fucking barbed wire. Not that it hurt that much if he could keep it still, but even when it wasn’t lighting his arm on fire, he could still feel it in there, and that was horrifying in itself. He’d been rendered completely powerless in a matter of hours, and his body was already littered with constant reminders. So yeah, he couldn’t sleep. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there in a state of half-consciousness, fighting the urge to toss and turn. He had finally almost dozed off when he heard a wooshing sound, like a gust of wind. Cautiously opening his eyes, he felt his blood run cold. That witch had teleported in his cell. Jairus quickly sat up, ready to make things as difficult as possible for her. But as she walked towards him, Jairus realized it wasn’t Einn at all. In fact, it was someone he was very glad to see.

Before Jairus could stop her, Elitar had wrapped him in a tight hug. He fought back a scream as the pressure of her embrace squeezed the barbed wire into the flesh of his arm. 

“Ah, could you-not-”

“What the hell did you get yourself into,” she asked, pulling back to look him over. Jairus gently pushed her away from his left arm before answering.

“I’m-look, can we talk about this once we’re out of here? Just get this stupid thing off me first.” Jairus yanked the chain attaching his collar to the wall.

“Of course, of course.” Elitar muttered a simple spell and the chain snapped. “I’ll get it all the way off once we’re back, don’t you fret. Get on up now, you don’t want me to teleport while you’re sitting down.” She grabbed his right hand and pulled him up. Jairus stood without thinking, pain exploding in his feet the moment they touched the ground. Falling back onto the cot, he stifled a scream as Elitar looked at him with concern.

“She-my feet-I forgot,” Jairus huffed through gritted teeth as the agony in his feet started to die down.

“Captured for a day and you’re already this helpless.” Jairus shot her a pained glare, and she laughed. “Kidding, kidding. Here,” she bent down and slid one arm under his knees and the other along his back. Jairus shifted his left arm, careful that she didn’t grab onto it. With some difficulty, Elitar stood up and quickly muttered the same teleportation spell she had used to get there.

In the blink of an eye, they were in Elitar’s workshop. Jairus felt himself relax at the familiar sight of its cluttered workbenches covered in scattered papers, potion ingredients, and gemstones of all shapes and sizes. Grunting, she set him down on the padded table in the center of the room and started to clear it of clutter. “Well, what exactly did they do to you?”

“They just, you know, cut my feet a bunch and burned me with a knife and, uh, put some barbed wire in my arm. For the stuff that you need to heal.” 

“How did they get barbed wire in your arm? Shouldn’t it heal itself too fast for something like that?” Elitar had finished clearing the table and began mixing something at one of the workbenches. 

“They had this...what does it matter? They put in there, that’s all you need to know to fix it, right?” He wasn’t afraid to talk about it at all, he just didn’t need to right now. And he was tired. That was all. “Where is everyone?”

“Asleep. They were up all last night worried about you.” Elitar sighed. “I had to force them to get some sleep. And no,” she cut Jairus off as he opened his mouth, “I’m not going to wake them. The whole incident has already scarred them enough without seeing you...like this. I’ll get you fixed up and you can see them in the morning.”

“But you can’t use water magic, how are you gonna-”

“You think all these potions are for show? And your arm will heal itself, at least.” Jairus fought back a wince as she gently grasped his arm and examined it. “Go ahead and lie down.” Jairus’s gaze shot to the leather straps dangling off the table before he could stop himself, his heart rate beginning to spike. No, no, he was safe. Elitar wouldn’t do that to him right now. She only did it that one time because she had to. 

But what if she had to again?

“I-I’d rather just, uh, stay sitting, if that’s okay. I mean, I’m fine to lay down, it just, uh, hurts...my arm.” Elitar sighed in response.

“Considering the fact that I’m about to put you to sleep,” she walked over and pushed him down so many hands grabbing his unresponsive body and laying it on the table no stop get off, “it’s best if you’re lying down.” 

“Right. No that’s fair. It’s all good. I get it.” Jairus shifted a bit, trying to get comfortable, deluding himself into thinking he was in his own bed. “Hey, uh, you’re going to take this...metal thing off me, right?”  

Elitar turned and gave him a confused look. “Of course. I’ll take care of everything once you’re out. All you need to do,” she held up the syringe she had prepared, “is hold still.” Jairus nodded and watched it move towards his neck she was going to paralyze him his right arm, trying to relax his muscles. He was safe now, he was just being paranoid. He was...

Jairus expected to wake up to pain, but not this much. His face felt like it was on fire, particularly around his mouth. He tried to open it, but pain flared up as soon as he tried to move his lips. Something was keeping them together. 

Stitched together.

His eyes shot open. He was still in the workshop, still lying on the table. He tried to sit up, but something stopped him. Horror began to sink its icy fangs into his rapidly beating heart as he looked down at his body. Leather straps encircled his body.  Elitar really had restrained him. Instead of healing him, helping him, she’d strapped him down and stitched his mouth shut. She’d left that collar around his neck. He felt his breathing hasten as doubt wormed its way into his mind. Was Einn right? Had Elitar just been using him? No, no, no there had to be some kind of mistake. She was like a mother to him, she said he was part of the family. This wasn’t Elitar’s doing. It couldn’t be.

But it was. 

“I see you’re finally awake. I considered just finishing the job while you were still out, but I’d rather you not die in blissful ignorance of how much of a fuck up you are.” Elitar stood over him, distaste written all over her face. “You had one fucking job, dragon hybrid.” She shook her head. “You were just supposed to kill the demon hybrid. That was all. One easy task. But could you do it? No. No, you had to take pity on her and run off, and my useless children couldn’t even stop you. And then you got yourself captured.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Pathetic. I knew I shouldn’t have used a street rat for this.” Jairus shook his head in disbelief, each sentence hitting him like a punch in the gut. 

“So now I have to clean up the mess you’ve made. But I’ll do you one kindness. My children are never going to find out how much of a failure you are. I won’t let them see the pathetic thing you’ve become.” Elitar drew her knife, pointing the sharp tip directly at his heart. “I’m going to put you out of your misery. So be grateful.” Jairus was  frozen under the blade, this couldn’t be happening, he didn’t want to die, he couldn’t, not yet, not here, not now, Elitar please please don’t do this what did I do wrong I-

The scene shifted before his eyes, the cold gray of the workshop warming to a familiar reddish brown. The knife at his heart was removed, the woman holding it still familiar. Jairus felt sick to his stomach as Einn’s face broke out into a twisted grin. “The look on your face,” she laughed, momentarily unable to hold in her delight, “That was absolutely worth it. I’m sorry, dear little dragon,” she leaned down over him, ruffling his hair, “I wouldn’t let you get away that easily.”

TAGS: @galaxywhump

#finished writing this while watching a stream lets gooooo #my own evil makes me smile sometimes #please let me know how obvious it was that there was something sus goin on #i didn't intend for it to be too sneaky but I Am Curious #elitar is not that much of a bitch i swear #einn was just being sneaky with the illusion magic bs #it was not supposed to be as whumpy as it was but i physically cant write happy content #so every single thing *elitar* did just became. whumpy #can't use quotes so i have to use asterisks #now onto things involving other ocs :o #jairus #einn #elitar #end of summer #needles cw #betrayal cw #mouth sewn shut #dehumanization cw #i wrote something

[haro-whumps]

Box Boy Plurality: 02

Second whumpee won the poll. Be warned, this chapter’s a longer one

CW: Dehumanization, slavery, creepy + intimate whumper, brainwashing, manipulation, illegal business practices

Tag List: @thatsthewhump​ @whump-it​ @ashintheairlikesnow​ @fairybean101​ @finder-of-rings​ @comfortforthepain​ @shameless-whumper​ @that-one-thespian​ @burtlederp​ @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​ @raigash​ @im-not-rare-im-rarr @spiffythespook​ @whumps-the-word​ @frnkieroismydaddy​ @whumpity--whump--whump​ @michelleswhumpyreblogs​ @jo-castle​ @newandfiguringitout​ @lumpofwhump​ @infested-with-blood​

Masterlist

Ren looked up from their work computer, eyebrow arched. It wasn’t time for Yanni to come in and complain about the broken clasp on her phone charm, which Ren would ever-so-generously offer to replace for her. She wasn’t due to notice it until her midafternoon coffee break, since she wasn’t overly invested in checking the thing during work hours. 

It wasn’t Yanni, unsurprisingly, but it also wasn’t anyone Ren could say they recognized. Oh, sure, they’d seen the man’s face around before, but they’d never spoken with him, and they weren’t even sure what department he worked in.

“Mx. Pavlish, is it?” he said with a friendly, though nervous smile. He was an okay actor, though. They could only discern his nerves due to their practice at it.

“Hello,” Ren said, carefully, pleasantly neutral. “I’m afraid I can’t recall us ever meeting.”

“Ah, we haven’t spoken,” he said, taking the somewhat-cramped office chair they kept available for visitors and dragging it over to their desk. “My name is Mike.” 

He offered his hand for shaking, and Ren inwardly cringed at the feeling of his sweaty palm against their own. They took a squirt of hand sanitizer immediately after, and Mike chuckled with a self-conscious little rub to the back of his neck.

“So, Mike, what brings you here?”

“I work in security,” Mike said, and Ren felt every nerve in their body become immediately alert. “I know, uh, about your little ploy.”

Blackmail, then. He was here to blackmail them. They very, very carefully sized him up. 

“And what ploy, exactly, is that?”

“You unplug the ethernet cords to Jasmine’s and Cassandra’s computers just so you can be the one to fix them,” Mike stated, and Ren’s eyebrows shot up.

“You’ve been sitting on this for a while,” Ren mentioned, “I haven’t done that in going on three months now.”

“Wait have you been doing something else?”

“Is that relevant to this conversation?”

Mike chuckled again. “I guess not. But hey, listen, I get it. We all want to impress pretty ladies, right?” He gave Ren one of those nudge-nudge wink-wink kind of smiles, and Ren tilted their head consideringly. Maybe not blackmail? His tone and mood weren’t exactly right for it, but Ren couldn’t rule anything out. “Look, my cousin’s friends with Jasmine, I could have her set you two up on a ‘blind’ date, if you want.” Mike even made the little airquotes around the word. Precious.

“And why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve kinda got a favor I’d like to ask you?”

Hm. Wishy-washy. The threat of tattling on Ren for the sabotage hung, but distantly, left on a backburner that Ren could be aware of but neither would necessarily acknowledge, while Mike offered a perceived reward instead. Ren lifted their finger to their lips, pressing it horizontally along the line.

“I’m listening,” they stated evenly, curious.

“So, I saw you on the news. And your box boy has been, ha, everywhere. And you’re kinda like, the model citizen of whumpee-ownership, yeah?”

Ren blinked slowly, and said, “I might be.”

“God, ha, kinda cagey aren’t you?”

“I prefer to know what I’m dealing with. Continue.”

“Right, so,” Mike shifted in his seat, hands moving from the armrests to scratch at the side of his nose and then back on the armrests, “the law states that pets cannot be held legally accountable for crimes they committed under past owners. The idea is that the new owners will discipline them better, yada yada, behavioral psychology babble, you get the drift. Anyway. I am in possession of a particularly… let’s say, criminal box boy. Defiant and loudmouthed and it turns out he’s been getting into trouble while I wasn’t looking. Ha, pretty embarrassing for a security guard, huh?”

Yeah, no way in hell this guy hadn’t been using his pet to do the things he was too chicken-shit to do himself. It was a smart move, though, Ren would give him that.

“So basically, I need to do some... let’s call it whumpee-laundering. Change hands before the cops get the dna work back. He’s a good lad, y’know, don’t want anything bad to happen to him, much less for him to get locked up. So, howsabout you, oh model pet owner, take him for, what, a week? Two weeks? Just long enough for things to simmer down. I’ll take him right back off your hands as soon as this whole mess blows over, and I will definitely get you a date with Jasmine. Yeah?”

Ren stared at him contemplatively. Definitely not blackmail, this guy was in a bad way, and didn’t want the cops to have custody of a defiant whumpee that would talk the moment it was taken in. He needed Ren to say yes to this deal. But contemplative silence on a man already squirming in his seat worked wonders to sweeten the deal.

“And hey, I mean, he’ll be legally yours, right? So, like, whatever you wanna do to him while he’s at your place, you can do it. I mean, as long as you don’t kill or sell him, I do want him back. But like, if you wanna, fuck, I dunno, chop off his arm or some shit? Be my guest. As long as I get him back alive I don’t care, no restrictions, right? It’ll be fun, he’s got a pottymouth but if you gag him he’s not a bad looker, all things considered.”

Ren hummed, tapping a finger up and down against the back of their own palm, hands clasped loosely in front of their chin, elbows on their desk.

“Say, Mike?”

“Yeah?” he answered eagerly, body jumping lightly in the chair, sitting up straighter.

“I appreciate the offer to set me up with Jasmine, but I actually have no interest in dating her. You’re right; it is the simple act of showing off that I like the best.” Mike visibly began to panic, and Ren took a small mercy on him. “But there is something you have that I would be deeply appreciative of receiving.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I want full access to company surveillance cameras and audio recorders, on my devices, and no record of my permissions.”

“Oh.” Mike blinked, and then grinned. “Oh! Oh, yeah, of course, easy as pie, I can so do that for you. So you’ll take him? Tonight, ideally?”

“When I meet him, I will assess him,” Ren stated. “If I perceive that he is any threat to my own box boy, the deal’s off.”

“Oh, oh no, I’m sorry, I gave the wrong impression!” Mike said with a much more relaxed laugh. “He’s got a defiant mouth but he won’t act up. His bark is way worse than his bite, don’t worry, he isn’t a fighter.”

“I’ll see that for myself, but very well. Bring all of his paperwork with you,” Ren said as they wrote down their number on a notepad. “Text me. I’ll send you my address. Meet there at 5:30, and no earlier. Bring any disciplinary tools you own along with him.”

“Not gonna use your own?” Mike asked with a glance at Ren’s hand sanitizer. 

“Don’t own any. I have the blindfold and sensory deprivation hood that came along with my pet’s box, but I haven’t used the blindfold since unboxing him and I’ve only touched the hood to put it away somewhere in the basement.” Actually, where had they put that thing? “My pet is too well behaved for such things.”

Mike whistled. “Nice. You get an expensive model?”

“Well, he wasn’t cheap. But he was exactly what I wanted.”

“Ooo, custom?”

“In training. His appearance was already precisely suited to my desires.”

Mike laughed and extended his hand again, before seeming to think better of it and he shot Ren a two finger salute. “I’ll see you tonight then.”

Ren nodded in return with a pleased little. “See you tonight.” Ren thought of one last thing. “Oh, and Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you told him that you only plan on selling him temporarily?”

“Ah, no, just recently came up.”

“Don’t tell him this isn’t a permanent arrangement. He’ll be easier to mold, that way.”

“You’re the boss,” Mike said with double pistols, and left their office.

The moment the door closed behind him, they pulled out a notebook and began jotting down a list of pros and cons. Their agreement had been deeply tentative, not that they’d let Mike know that. They would thoroughly scrutinize the concept, and then rigorously test the box boy himself once he was brought over.

The idea of having someone to yank around, though. To punish, perhaps with some of the tools Host had listed in their disciplinary video… Ren swallowed, their mouth watering. Skin that they could pinch and cut and bruise, not deeply, nothing permanent, nothing too mean. Someone they could sink their claws into and throw away in a week or two, leaving their home unblemished and perfect, just Soren and them. Just a quick little fix. Just a nice little treat.

The potential cons outnumbered the pros, but the potential pros were of a much higher quality.

They drove home quickly that night, bidding Yanni a very short goodbye, citing business that needed attending, and they weren’t even lying.

“I bet you just wanna get home and cuddle your boy,” she teased them, sticking her tongue out.

“And I bet you’re going to do the same to your babe,” Ren teased in return, wiggling their eyebrows at her. Yanni giggled and admitted to being guilty as charged, and didn’t whine or cling any longer. See? Convincing her to get her own pet had been such a wise decision. So useful. 

“Soren!” they called the moment they walked in the door.

“Exalted!” Soren called back, and they noted the sound of a hair dryer cutting off. “You’re home earlier than usual!” Soren said as he rushed down the stairs. His hair was still a little damp, they noted, as they pulled him into a hug.

“I am. I have a big evening ahead,” Ren stated, handing him their lunch bag and prying off their jacket. 

“What’s on the agenda, Exalted?” Soren asked, hanging up their jacket for them and following them into the kitchen.

“Tonight, depending on how introductions go, we will be adding a new box boy to the house.” Ren snorted, pulling down a glass and opening the fridge, digging around for their ginger ale. “Well, a used box boy. I’m taking him off a coworker’s hands.” They “casually” glanced over their shoulder to see Soren’s reaction, and he was white as a sheet.

“E-Exalted? I, I don’t…”

“Soren, baby?” they asked sweetly, pretending not to understand.

“If-If I haven’t,” Soren stuttered shakily, eyes wide and vacant, staring somewhere far past the kitchen tile, “If I’m not, pl-pleasing you, if this, is,” he raised a shaking hand to his hair, a front lock, one of the beautiful portions he might have turned into bangs, “is about, what I almost did, I’m sorry, I can do better, I can be better, please, I don’t--I can’t--please, Exalted, I just need to know, just tell me and I’ll do it, I want to, I, I need to, please, just tell me, tell me anything I’ll do anything Exalted please, please, I can be good, I want to be good! I want to, I want to be good, I want to, Exalted, I want to be good for you just tell me please I’ll do anything, I’ll do anything!”

Ren sipped idly at their ginger ale, not bothering to mask their face with concern or pity when he clearly couldn’t see them anyway. God, he sounded so pretty like this. Tears budding up in his eyes, his hands shaking so visibly, his body trembling in a more subtle, yet equally delicious way. It was all so perfect to watch, to listen to as he broke down. They knocked back the rest of their drink and set the glass down on the counter.

“Soren, angel,” they crooned, face twisted up artfully and voice sweet as honey. They gently pried Soren’s hand from his hair and placed it on his collar, which made him gasp, eyes blinking rapidly, immediately grounding him. They caressed his face, then tilted it up. Petting at the lock of hair he’d just been tugging at, they smiled pityingly. “My sweet little bird, no no. You haven’t done anything wrong, pet. I’ve forgiven you for hurting me so badly, it’s in the past my darling angel, weeks in the past. My precious, sweet Soren, shush now, shush. Nothing bad is happening to you. This will be a good thing! Just because I’ll have a new plaything doesn’t mean I’ll neglect you, Soren, sweetheart. And you’ll have someone lower than you on the pecking order! Won’t that be nice?”

“I--I--”

“Shhhh, Soren, shhhhh, shush now. It’s okay, it’s alllllll alright. You’re my favorite, darling, you’ll always be my favorite plaything, don’t worry.”

“Th-thank you, thank you Exalted, thank you.”

“There, there’s a good boy. So well mannered, saying exactly what you’re meant to.” Ren hugged him tightly, too tight, but only just a little. “Don’t forget, my pet. You will belong to me forever. You will kneel at my feet only, you will eat only when I am the one to give you food, you will never set foot outside this house without me and you will never belong to anyone else. You’re mine, mine alone, and mine forever, Soren.”

“Yes,” Soren said, sounding grateful and relieved, just like he was meant to. “Yes, Exalted, thank you, thank you so much.”

Ren grabbed a fistful of hair and kissed him, and he kissed back eagerly. 

“Soren, tell me you love me,” they ordered sweetly, and Soren beamed. 

“I love you, Exalted! I love you, Ren!” He leaned against them and they let him. “I won’t ever love anyone as much as I love you, Ren.”

“I know you won’t, my angel, you’re so good.”

And that was when the doorbell rang.

“Right on time,” Ren mentioned with a glance at the kitchen clock. “Come along, pet, let’s go interview our new potential plaything.”

“Yes, Exalted.”

Mike looked no less awkward standing up than he did sitting down, Ren thought, as they opened the door. He held himself like an adolescent trying out for theater who had no idea how to act and was in possession of limbs too long for his body. Behind him and to the side, a box boy carried his box on his back, looking very much like he was about to be crucified or somesuch.

“Come in,” Ren welcomed, “Take off your shoes.” Not that it mattered. The boy was filthy and bloody. Every room he set foot in would need to be thoroughly cleaned. Honestly, Mike couldn’t have even given him a bath before bringing him over? He really was in a rush.

“Set the box down; let me get a look at you,” Ren ordered. They observed the box boy, a young man with short (ugh) brown hair, too short to even grab efficiently. Nothing to yank him around by, and no time to grow it out. Whatever, they'd just have him wear a leash or somesuch. Brown eyes, tan skin, ambiguous ethnicity. Somewhat muscled, but half-starved and visibly exhausted, so he moved with a weakness. He let the box thunk down on the carpet, and when he raised his eye he met Ren's boldly. 

“Position two,” they said with a snap of their fingers, and they heard a pair of knees hit the floor before they saw the new boy kneel. They turned with surprise and saw Soren kneeling, which prompted them to laugh. 

“Oh no, no, Soren, angel, sweetheart, no. Both of you, position one. Soren, now, listen--haha! You just stand there and look pretty okay?” They pet his hair, admiring the way he flushed with embarrassment over his mixup. “You just stay put right here and watch. I'm interviewing the new boy and testing his behavior, alright? You stay put.” They kissed him and turned back to the boy. He was, at the very least, standing in position one, his chin tilted up just a little too high for submission but that was something that could be beaten into him. “Position six,” they ordered, and he held out his wrists with a silent glower. But, ah, to listen to his breathing, was that fear they could detect?

He was bruised and bloody and tired, in all ways just in a horrible state of disrepair. He would require so much fixing, and honestly that thrilled Ren. They took his barcoded wrist and read off the numbers tattooed underneath it. 843-902. 

“02, huh?” Ren mused aloud. “I think that’ll make a fine nickname for you.”

“Oh, his name is--” Mike started, but Ren cut him off. 

“Irrelevant.”

02’s nostrils flared. “If I'm going to buy him, and I think I will, then the creature he was before coming into my service is entirely irrelevant.”

“Oh, good, you'll take him then?” Mike asked, sounding nervous and relieved. Ren delighted in how much control they had over him, at that moment. 

“I'm not done deciding yet.”

Mike’s flash of nervous panic was so delicious, really. As was 02’s confliction. He didn’t know if he wanted to stay with Mike or be taken by Ren, aww, how cute.

“State your type,” Ren ordered, and 02 snarled. Honest to god snarled. Ren had to swallow, salivating at the thought of how much fun it would be to break that.

“Fff-” 02 choked on his own word, conditioning clearly warring with whatever it was that he was trying to do, and Ren arched an eyebrow. “Fuck you.”

They saw Mike twitch agitatedly in their peripheral, but didn’t pay him any mind.

“Position five.”

02 dropped like a rock, his forehead actually hitting the floor, and Ren chuckled. His Processors had done well with him, whoever they’d been, but not quite well enough. The image was all too clear now. Mike had bought himself a box boy, discounted for his bad mouth, and used his excellent behavioral obedience in order to commit whatever crimes he’d forced the boy into, while tolerating his naughty little words as nothing more than a background nuisance. Or, given the bruising, knocking him around for the disobedience, but never bothering with legitimate training.

“State your type,” Ren repeated, their tone taking a special quality that meant firm disappointment. Soren eeped behind them, and they got to watch 02’s chest seize.

“Combination, Ren.”

“Oh no, darling,” Ren said with a laugh, “You don’t get to call me by name.” They nudged his temple with the side of their foot and stated, “Position two.” Once within range, Ren gripped his chin and forced him to look at them. “You will refer to me exclusively as Exalted, or, if you feel I am in a particularly good mood with you, you may call me Honored One. My name is not to come out of that filthy little mouth of yours. Not until we’ve cleaned it thoroughly. Understand?”

They released his chin but he continued to hold their gaze. “Yes,” he stated, “Honored One.”

“Aww, Mike,” Ren cooed, turning to him. “He thinks he’s cute,” they intoned, sounding very much charmed, like a child had just fallen over while dancing. 

“I know he’s got a big mouth but he really does obey,” Mike assured.

“I can see that,” they said airily. “Come join me in my office, we’ll discuss price and the paperwork. 02, take your box down into the basement and stow it in the back corner of the laundry room, on top of the other one there. Take Position two in the center of the room when you are done, and wait. Soren, heel pet.”

They led Mike and Soren away from the foyer, not checking if 02 was obeying and not needing to. He might hesitate or linger, but Ren knew with full confidence that by the time they were done signing the papers and lightly harassing Mike for the evening, 02 would be exactly where they’d told him to be. 

“Actually,” they said at the door of their office, turning with raised index fingers. “Soren, baby, why don’t you go ahead and get started on dinner for us, mm?” Ren kissed him and patted his cheek sharply, twice. He nodded, worrying his lip, but scampered off to do as he’d been told.

“He’s beautiful,” Mike commented, before Soren was entirely out of earshot. “Even prettier in real life than in the ads, and I mean, wow,” he said with a chuckle, “you know?”

“I do know,” Ren said, gesturing for Mike to take a seat as they closed and locked the door. They pulled up their surveillance cameras on their computer, turned away from Mike, and got their scanner ready to make copies and digital files of the documents. “Did you bring the tools I requested?”

“Sure did,” Mike said, patting his backpack. “Retractable cane, whip, two different gags and a muzzle, which, heh, he hates so much, let me tell you. Handcuffs, too, those too.”

“And the documentation,” Ren prompted, watching him pull them out of the bag.

“You are, heh, quite the presence, you know that Ren?” Mike said as he pulled out a manilla envelope, a cheap blue folder, and some--GOD--loose leaf papers. The fucking audacity, really. The messiness, the lack of professionalism. He couldn’t have haphazardly shoved them into the cheap folder? He really had to go around carrying official legal documents loose leaf? Their BLAW405: Filing and Organizational Systems professor would’ve made a five minute ordeal of tearing this poor, poor fool a new one. Ren tried to make themself pity Mike’s incompetence, because it was just about the only thing preventing them from feeling an unseemly amount of rage.

“Like really, I’m a security guy, you know? I’m kind of hired because not a lot of people intimidate me but you’ve just got this, uh, aura, I guess? Just sorta the way you talk and hold yourself and--oh, yeah, you just, yeah go ahead,” he cut himself off as they took the papers from him and skimmed over them, sorting them into some semblance of a reasonable order to be holding these files in, and read over them quickly but carefully one by one. They were familiar with most of this--they did, after all, possess a box boy of their own--but it never hurt to be thorough.

“I have a certain way with people, it’s true,” Ren commented idly as they shifted through the papers. “Sign here. You’re quite fortunate I am in possession of a notary’s stamp and can forge an impressive signature, you know that Mike?” Ren asked, pulling the stolen (well, illegally purchased. Their mama was a persuasive woman in her own right, and there was little on the black market she could not or would not acquire for her child, at their asking) stamp from one of their locked drawers.

“Oh, fuck, we gotta get a notary for this?”

“Some countries do not require it, and I hear the American legislation on transfer of ownership even varies from state to state, but our homeland is a little more meticulous in these matters. But like I said,” they took the signed paper from Mike and aligned the stamp carefully, before bringing it down with a satisfying thunk, “you’re in luck.”

“You are,” Mike said, chuckling nervously, kind of breathy and rather high, “really something, huh Ren?” They loved his discomfort.

“Mm,” they hummed, pleased, preening a bit, but hey, they deserved to. “Sign here.”

Four signatures later, Ren tapped the stack of papers against their desk, bringing them all nice and neatly in line, and then set them into their copier. “Now, the access files I requested?” Ren prompted, extending their hand. He unzipped an interior pocket in his windbreaker and produced a thumbdrive. “Perfect. You’ll have 02 back as soon as you’re ready for him.” Their copier whirred to a halt and they took the stack of copies from the tray, then slid all of them into the manilla folder, rather than breaking them up like a moron. They held it out for Mike and flashed him a darling smile. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding a little dazed, taking the folder like it might get up and start moving. “You, you too. Ha, wow, you are efficient.”

“It’s why I have the job I have, and why I lead the life I live.” Ren stood and ushered Mike out of their office, then out of their home. “See you next time.”

“Yeah, thanks again!” he called, and they waved with a bright smile.

“Exalted?” Soren said behind them once they shut the front door, “Dinner will be ready in 40 minutes.”

“Perfect, Soren. I’m going to go greet our new addition, you may come if you want to.”

“Yes, Exalted, I would like that,” he said, wringing his hands anxiously. They placed their palm on top of that worried movement, and Soren stilled instantly.

“Shhh, pet. Remember, you’ll always be my favorite, alright?”

Soren nodded rapidly, but did not appear soothed. Hmm. “A-are you,” Soren hesitated, searching for the words. “Are you going to punish 02 for his defiance, Exalted?”

“I am,” Ren admitted easily. Soren twitched, distress increasing. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re worried for him?”

Soren nodded. “You’ve always been so good to me, Exalted, I don’t want, um, I don’t--I…” Soren pulled on a lock of his own hair, and they shushed him again, caressing his cheek.

“He’ll only get what he deserves, my precious angel. I can treat you well because you’re a very good boy for me, Soren. I’ve rarely had to punish you; you only occasionally fuck up. But my coworker clearly hasn’t given 02 the structure or discipline he needs in order to make him good, so I’m going to have to fix him. And fixing him will require punishing him. Don’t worry, though, pet, I won’t be cruel. The punishment will fit the crime; he won’t get anything done to him that he doesn’t deserve. I promise. He’ll deserve everything that happens to him, baby, sweetheart, I promise, I promise, absolutely all of it.”

Soren nodded again, gripping his collar and relaxing, a little. It was so nice to see him keyed up and anxious. It was so nice to make Mike squirm and sweat. It was so nice, knowing that their own personal chew toy was kneeling painfully on the concrete floor of their laundry room, just waiting for them to go down and bloom a few more bruises across his skin. Perfect, perfect, all of this, perfect. Exactly what Ren deserved.

“Yes, Exalted.”

“Come along, pet,” Ren beckoned, and Soren followed them down the stairs.

02 greeted their arrival by spitting on the floor at Ren’s feet.

“Oh, disgusting little bug, aren’t you?” Ren asked mildly, stepping over the splotch. They gripped his chin again and he glared up at them. “Tell me, 02, which do you consider to be worse? Death, or refurbishment?”

02’s eyes went wide, suddenly struck with fear. Ren of course would do neither, this was a temporary arrangement, after all. But 02 didn’t know that.

“...Exalted?” 02 asked in a voice that was very very very small.

“Answer the question. Which is worse?”

02’s chest began raising visibly, rapidly. Hard to miss, with how thin he was. “D--”

“And don’t even think about lying to me, slave.”

02’s breath caught, a delightful little gagging noise escaping him. “Refurbishment, Exalted.”

“Hm. Then allow me to make something very clear to you, 02. Soren outranks you in every capacity. You will not eat until he has eaten, you will not sleep unless he has first gone to bed, you will not so much as speak if he has something to say. And if you decide that that makes you jealous, or angry, or if you just decide you don’t like my precious boy for some miscellaneous reason, allow me to make it entirely understood that if you harm so much as a single strand of hair on his head, I will personally instruct the Processors to make sure you beg for death before they put you up for resale.” They released his chin with a small flick of their fingers into the soft underside, and were gratified by the little jerk, and the way his eyes stayed on them. “Do you comprehend?”

“You--you’re warning me to keep my hands off your pet?” he asked, fearful and yet still incredulous.

“Of course,” they said, placing a hand on the front of his close-cropped hair and slowly stroking his skull, cradling his head. “Soren is my precious little bird. And you?” Ren moved their thumb sweetly, back and forth, against his prickly hair. “You’re nothing more than some worthless mutt.”

Next

#whump #slave #box boy #bbu #dehumanization #brainwashing #manipulation #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #codependent whumpee #possessive behavior #multiple whumpees #defiant whumpee #ren #soren #02 #mike #mine #writing

[kuvopal]

Kuvira: balance & motivations

... and the future of a Destruct sequel for those that are interested

remember when years ago i wrote a small essay on kuvira’s motivations?? i should’ve published it before the comics came out -_- 

Kuvira was raised in a self-sufficient utopia and wished to extend the security she felt there to other places. Her fatal flaw was that she did not actually feel secure and was not dealing with the trauma she’d experienced as a child when she was cast aside by her parents. She was so wrapped up in obtaining loyalty and power to satisfy what she’d needed as a child that she perverted her goals of preventing the nation as a whole being treated the way she had been. This was because she was never going to be satisfied as long as she didn’t address the real motivation behind her actions, and she became so consumed by her need for power that she was willing to destroy everything and everyone in her path.

The best way we can see this is by holding Suyin as a character foil to her. Most characters in this show can be held as a sort of foil to each other, and they sometimes even talk about it openly as a way to empathize with each other based on similarities. Kuvira and Suyin both sought to create societies they thought would benefit them and their citizens, but Suyin is a wiser and more balanced person. Suyin’s goal was to create a society independent of monarchy where primarily metalbenders, but also people in general, could nourish their gifts. Suyin, unlike Kuvira, did not wish to extend her power passed her own life and those who chose to live with her and actively chose to take part in her society without coercion or threat.

Kuvira viewed Suyin’s abstinence in refusing to become what was basically a new Earth Queen as cowardice. In reality, it was partly Suyin wanting to conserve her way of life (a ‘me-and-mine’ attitude which Kuvira shares) but largely her wisdom in knowing where the road would end if she chose that path. If Suyin was the type of person who would have tried to take control of the conflict and enforce her ideals on an entire nation she would’ve ended up just like Kuvira had. Kuvira began her journey with as good intentions as Suyin, but her intentions converted to excuses with her first taste of the power/support she’d needed as a child.

Kuvira, like all the other villains in TLOK, serves as an example that even pure/harmless ideals can be corrupted under imbalance (in Kuvira’s case: fascism, and fanaticism and hypocrisy in other cases). A metalbending city under a balanced individual turns into a nation where all but metalbenders are used as slave labour, where dissenters are not banished if they threaten security but rather imprisoned (re-education, work camps), where security turns from protecting a way of life from a tyrant (the Earth Queen) to building walls and mobilizing an entire country to protect another one.

When Korra stops Kuvira, she demonstrates to Kuvira that the world is in good hands and that’s a reason why Kuvira surrenders. But Kuvira starts slipping before that when she tries to stop her spirit weapon’s power, to control it, and finds herself unable to. In that moment, she realizes how truly out of control and out of balance she is, as well as possibly why she’d felt the need to exert that power over others, why she was willing to torture and murder others over loyalty. It’s suggested that she thinks about her motivations in the moments afterwards because that’s when she yells at Korra about her family. But I think something’s important about this, and her apology to Suyin later. Something that people in a society who are groomed to romanticize and empathize with oppressive figures might miss.

It doesn’t actually matter. Trauma is valid, but weaponizing trauma is not, and that’s what Kuvira does. She uses her pain as her excuse for her actions, to tell herself that she’s committing atrocities in order to build a strong nation that would never feel the way she’d felt, when in actuality she was only building a strong nation in order to protect herself, inflicting the exact same pain and worse on the citizen’s she’d dehumanized. And at the end of Book 4, despite her surrender, Kuvira is not suddenly in balance or capable of a redemption arc. In fact, there’s no evidence she’s even interested in redemption the way a person who’s committed war crimes should want redemption.

Coming back to Suyin, how does Kuvira apologize the one time she apologizes? She doesn’t apologize for the people she’s killed, the people she’s forced to work as slaves, the people she’s threatened and tortured. The only family among the hundreds that she’s torn apart that she deigns to apologize to is Suyin’s. Kuvira is still not balanced, at the end of the day she is still limited to herself and the people she deems relevant to her - the Beifongs who took her in (whether you interpret that as adoption or just letting her into Zaofu). Suyin on the other hand, while not a perfect person has lived a long life and is someone much more balanced and at peace with herself, does not accept Kuvira’s feelings. Rather, she grounds Kuvira to the larger apology Kuvira has to make, to all the people Kuvira’s wronged, that Kuvira will pay for all she’s done including crimes Kuvira shows no evidence she’s interested in atoning for. Suyin sees the bigger picture, but Kuvira is still limited by herself and by her experiences and her ideals (as were the other villains).

I find it very easy to rationalize character motivations because it’s one way I cope with atrocities and irrationalities, I attempt to understand why a human would make a choice and I choose not to. But the key is, as it will always be, choice. We can always choose. So I find it difficult to ‘choose’ to expend energy on writing on understanding a fascist beyond my need to understand fascists as a mechanism of my predicting their behaviour and humanizing them so that they are not a supernatural monster lurking in the shadows  my bed but something that can bleed like me. The point is, at the end of Book 4, Kuvira is still a mass murderer. If Korra wasn’t strong enough to stop her, Kuvira literally would have kept going enslaving and murdering people seeking more and more power until she killed herself (literally. Korra saving Kuvira from herself was Kuvira’s turning point). And Kuvira’s still a fascist.

Kuvira is a fascist despite our interest or investment in her character. Most importantly, she’s demonstrated no interest in changing her views, or any remorse for the harm she’s inflicted on anyone not directly related to her. We can’t give a redemption arch to someone who doesn’t want one and keep their characterization intact. We cannot ‘save’ fascists, and I think entertaining thoughts of redemption for fascists in this current world we live in, and fuck it ALL worlds that have ever been or will be, is dangerous. Humanizing an unrepentant fascist and attempting to ‘bring her back to the light’ is something I view as an inherently abusive and futile exercise. So I find it difficult that I will be able to write Kuvira/Opal fic until either Kuvira has undergone cannon growth or until fascism has been eradicated. whichever comes first. At any rate I hope whoever reads this essay will consider reading Kuvira a little more in depth, whether or not they like her character.

Edit: my views have changed somewhat w.r.t. someday writing a Destruct sequel, because prior to the comics I felt like people were too willing to forgive Kuvira. Little did I know that the person most willing to forgive her and swipe her crimes under the rug was one of the several LOK writers (the only way I can justify what happened is by reminding myself that DiMartino only wrote 3 of the Book 4 episodes, only one of which really had anything to do with Kuvira). As such, I feel more comfortable cracking my knuckles and writing her ‘redemption arc’ the right way - aka holding her accountable. And Opal is honestly the best character to do this. Anyway :) I feel pretty invigorated about someday writing a Destruct sequel, because for awhile there I was really not into it because of the above reasons. Ironically, it’s the state of the comics that pushed me there. Probably what I’ll do is retcon the last chapter/epilogue of Destruct, change some of Kuvira’s background (aka probably not go with my headcanon but also not make Kuvira a literal adoptive sibling to her future fiance (or Opal lmao)), and continue onwards with the plot itself (though I’m still not going to reinstate the monarchy @ michael dante dimartino what were you thinking man??????? Oh NOW we’re going to be realistic about political upheaval?? in the world with brainwashing tinfoil hats?? just say you’re voting Biden and go).

#kuvira #suyin beifong #anyway.. if bryke say in cannon that kuvira is willing to put in the work to make up for her crimes than I'll be okay #but I can't find it in myself to make the first steps for her #clarification: i believe all people can change and all people are capable of atonement (though I don't believe atonement = forgiveness nor #do I believe forgiveness should be the motivation behind atonement) but however me writing a redemption arch for Kuvira is not atonement #me humanizing someone who's a cannon fascist and doing the work for them is not real redemption. do you see what I mean? #written #meta #uhhh this devolves into a rant abt the rote comics at the end pls dont mind me #tl;dr kuvira needs therapy and if/when i rewrite a destruct sequel its going to essentially be a michael dimartino callout post #rote spoilers

[mariemarvelbear]

Who’s there

Avengers x Reader

Warning: Angst.So much Angst.Slow burn angst.Abuse.Mention of rape.Brainwashed.ANGST.Blood.Torture.Swearing.Kidnapping.

Part 26

The gates creaked open and the team marched into the fort. Fear and dread coursed through every knight’s veins, swarming like ants, dressed in blood-red scarlet. The team caught everyone off guard, the cavaliers not even prepared to offer a good fight against Earth’s mightiest heroes. No one was even sweating as they kill anyone trying to block their path towards the very end of the tower.  Steve groaned, throwing his shield as it knocked off a handful of armies, Natasha somersaulting a knight that attacked her-Wanda and Pietro killing silently as the witch used her magic, her twin catching anyone off guard.  Everyone was doing their tasks effortlessly; chuckling- Thor gazed at the captain and Tony at his far left “This is odd. They’re all…weak.” The mighty God mumbled, easily swinging Mjolnir; rolling his eyes as he saw a bunch of guards on their way to attack him- half of them dead as Bucky and Sam tackled them. Thor quickly regretted his statement, From the shadows of the mere guards a while ago, comes a creature along with a noise enough to make all of them look up. They lifted their heads in confusion, needing to ascertain what the hell was making that noise. They saw the thing-the guards becoming kronans-they heard its snapping and its new whining. Peter saw it rearing up, spinning in circles, pounding the dirt and the already previously trampled rapeseed with its foremost legs. Making a shoddy looking crop circle, with various elongated edges.Their  legs snapped outwards no more than an inch, running towards them as all of them jump into a fighting stance. Wanda chuckled, Pietro looking at his sister weirdly- they’re in a fight and- the witch was smiling. But for Wanda, the guards transforming to kronans was a confirmation-that she was right. You’re here, and they’ll finally bring you home.Steve and the others finally catching up with her, and now-they would never give up now that they knew that you were alive and somewhere out there. So, It was right out of the same old playbook - dehumanize, destabilize, antagonize-anyone who’d come to their way.To get you home.

 The scream that rent the air was as good as a siren. Nobody screams like that unless it is terror beyond endurance. It was unmistakably a child and a young one. Every head turned and several sets of legs sprinted in the direction of the cry, until a pair stopped the others. Wanda looked at Tony and Bucky who was on their way towards the direction she’s about to take “What was that?” Bucky muttered, confusion evident on their faces as they chase their breaths away. Fighting kronans wasn’t as easy as they all thought it to be, and as the numbers of the mentioned creatures multiply-Wanda knew the others would be needing these two towards the wing where they think you are detained. “ I don’t know.” Wanda lied, her heart sinking more as her powers worked perfectly-instantly knowing what that scream was-or who was it. “ I’ll check on it.Go, Help the others.”  She sprinted away from the team, not giving the pair any more looks as Tony looked at her weird. Pietro quickly followed her, it was a millisecond just before he was already in front of her “You feel something?” He knew her too well, and he knew that the way she was sprinting and panting-it had to be urgent, enough to pull her out of her trance on getting towards you. The real mission. Wanda gulped, looked away at her brother as they both fought the guards that was stopping them. Oh, how badly she wanted to be wrong. “What is it?Wanda?You’ve got to answer me sis.”

 Wanda was about to answer Pietro was gone, he was behind her holding a pillar that was about to fall off just right to her head. “How can you not feel that?!” He yelled, angry as to why she didn’t even feel the force nor the sound it made. “What’s going on Wanda?”

 “They need you there ‘silver.” Their heads turn, seeing the other red-head; her eyes direct to Wanda’s ones. “We’ve got this.” Pietro was about to oppose when Wanda told him to go, Pietro didn’t understand. But he knows his girls knows what their doing. Quickly, the three went on their ways. As the two woman sprint towards the end of the hall, the primal yelps of need getting louder.

 “Mama!I want to see my Mama!”

 “Is it-“ Natasha gasped, her eyes wide as both of them opened the doors- “Eviana?”

“It’s not.” Wanda mumbled, her eyes filled with tears as she dare star at the blue doe one’s looking at her- “It’s her child.”

 The acrid smell of stale gunpowder envelops in Steve’s nasal cavities. The war has grudged on for five years now. And their sanity was on the verge of extinction. Looking around, all they can see are stray limbs and dead creatures - once fine young men, women and kronans, who now are no longer recognizable as human. Then the gunfire starts, yet again. The fight continues, as all of them were on their own assigned wing. Him, Tony, Thor, Clint and Bruce took the North, As the others took the South, East and West wing.

Tony panted, he may have looked calm on the exterior, but he was locked in his own mind, his own anxiety and worries were paralyzing him.  The visions of losing you the first time kept playing like a recording stuck on replay; he could hear the screams as if he were in that moment again right now. How could he possibly survive that loss again? Losing you once, one of the people he loved the most in the world was traumatic enough- but if he ever knows that this day would end and they wouldn’t be on the winning end -yet again, he knows it would destroy him.

 “Isn’t this a delight?” A loud eerie voice stunned the men, fighting their way towards the end of the hall. No one ever expected to hear him ever talk again, that this was the end of their mission; of finding you, as Korvac stood tall in front all of them-behind his team of growling creatures. “I can’t help but feel disappointed Captain,” He smirked, irking everyone as Steve took a stance in the middle-ready to battle, more than ever. “It took you and your team five years to find her. Made yourselves fool for one of my tricks!Ha!” He laughed, Tony growling at the sound of his chuckles lingering with pride and mischievousness, remembering Mystique and how they were all fools to fall to his trap,letting you down even more.

“You son of a bitch.” Clint was the first one to answer, anger boiling up in him just like the rest of his teammates.

“Oh,I thought your captain didn’t like that kind of talk?” Korvac jested, his eyes all knowing as if to say that he indeed was watching them for a long time before taking you in captivity.  

“It’s you.” Tony threatened, “We can say whatever the fuck we do.” Korvac loved what he was seeing. The men in front of him was evidently heartbroken, shattered really, robbed of anything that is necessary to put their souls back together.And it was because of him, He won and the Avengers lost.

“Finish them.” Korvac exclaimed, his eyes wide as his minions of kronans growled their way towards the already in-fight Avengers men. “Make sure no one enters the Queen’s quarters.”

The sounds of gunfire and explosions filled the hall along with their comms, As Tony tried and summon any of the team, “Hello?Anyone?!We found Korvac!”   Steve grabbed Tony’s arm as a group of kronans was about to ambush them from behind, the billionaire looked at the Captain with wide eyes-panting as both of them started fighting again,killing the creatures with no remorse.

Steve and Tony ran towards the end of the hall as fast as their legs would allow. Their eyes locking to Korvac’s golden ones, instantly-Korvac was floating as Tony tried to charge towards him with his repulsor beam. “You’re a coward!” Tony grunted.

“You call me a coward?!I did everything I wanted. I planned it perfectly, and I got what I want- and all of you fell into my trap. You were all suffering and devastated enough to not know that the girl in front of you wasn’t the girl your looking for!You’re all idiots, fools!” Korvac spat, proud of his actions as he charge his power towards the two, completely missing them but enough to separate and distance them from him. “And Eviana,”

“She was perfect.So perfect.” He mumbled, his eyes going back to it’s human colors as he daydreamed about you. “ So innocent of everything. And no one of you dare to teach her how to be a proper woman!She was a masterpiece waiting to be noticed-And then I saw her, in the news back at Midgard.She was a goddess, But then- years later, I saw her with the god of thunder and his brother-walking in the garden back at Asgard,and the stories pale in comparison to her beauty when looked upon with my own eyes.”

Every word stung, only fueling the fire that burned inside of Steve and Tony as they listen to what Korvac did to her, on what he meant on “teaching her to be a proper woman.”.  You can see it first in Tony’s eyes, then a tension of his muscles, an inability to think clearly soon followed. His rationality was long gone and offline and the primitive Tony who reverted to his old habits was in the room-and suddenly his liberal opinions were gone, his ability for nuance and emotional generosity were gone too-just like with Steve, as.every phrase violated him and was like gasoline to the anger boiling in his heart, his fists began to clench as his jaw rooted. “What did you do to her!” Steve couldn’t take it anymore, He felt the tears brimming his eyes as he forcefully threw his shield towards the deity’s head-knocking him out. There was stillness on both sides. If hatred was visible the air would have been scarlet. Then suddenly movement, so much force in every blow. Tony and Steve rained blows onto Korvac’s as if they meant to smash him into the very earth and Korvac did the same.Thor swung Mjolnir perfectly toward’s Korvac’s head.Tony was quick to follow as he let his repulsor beamed with its highest force of power directly hitting Korvac, as Thor followed their lead as he let his surge of power combine with Tony’s. Bruce’s eyes widen as he witnessed a different set of beam merge and blend with Tony’s and Thor’s-Vision’s. Each didn't just want the other dead, they wanted him smashed, obliterated, nothing left to bury.

Clint,Bruce and Pietro backed down as the felt the heat of the trio’s power, all of them knew that it would be impossible for him to bear that and still be alive-or even be conscious.

Pietro was quick enough to notice that no one was guarding the room at the end of the hall, it’s golden gate made his and Clint’s heart beat faster. It was the only door different to all of the other’s rooms, and it only had to mean one thing. “It’s the King and Queen’s quarters.” Bruce mumbled, his throat dry as all of them hear shuffling and sniffing at the other side of the door.

 “Who’s there?”

#marvel #mcu #avengers #steve rogers #tony stark #bucky barnes #chris evans #iron man #captain america #winter soldier #fanfiction #ao3 #smut #fluff #angst #hardangst #natasha romanoff #blackwidow #masterlist #avengers masterlist

[danvssomethingorother]

Start of Something More (P1)

Summary: A look into another time line where Ego never came to Earth and instead Yondu had changed Meredith’s life.

Characters: Meredith Quill, Yondu Udonta

Warnings: some violence, but nothing graphic.

My entry for @yonduweek.  I was just gonna post this large as heck thing for the last day only (AU) but there are elements of all the prompts in this. I wanted to break it up to be easier to read because 20 pages is just too much for me to expect people to swallow.

Also on A03  

-New York, 1988-

 “Come on…come on…”

 Meredith Quill bit harder down on the thin flash light hanging out of her mouth, her jumbled curses shaking her only light source around. She paused and quickly snapped the light off hearing a loud crash, she stood straight up and quickly moved behind a dumpster by the back entrance of the Stark warehouse. Waiting. Waiting. After several tense moments passed and nothing came of it, she went back to picking at the door.

 She got this damn far, she wasn’t stopping now.  

 In her backpack she had quite the collection of authorized paperwork she had picked off Howard Stark himself over the months of her grueling, almost dehumanizing internship. She had to wonder if Howard would have looked past her genius and went on to the next applicant to work by his side if wasn’t for her ‘womanly charm’ as Howard liked to call it (or as she put, he liked looking up her skirt).  

 She worked hard to crack into the safes and get close enough to flirt with Howard and get him off his guard enough to get this info. This was the greatest information she had ever accidentally stumbled into ease dropping on Howard’s private phone calls. Howard Stark was helping an organization called Shield crack into what sounded like a real space craft and the icing on the cake was they had a real life alien in their possession.  

 Often she was made fun of for her belief in extraterrestrial life. During her time at Stark Enterprise, the only joy she got was getting Howard’s college aged son riled up with her beliefs. Tony rolled his eyes and only promised to keep listening if she worked her magic and got him some of his dad’s good stuff he wasn’t allowed to touch. She always obliged to the request so they could both share some secrets between each other, if she went down tonight, she was telling Howard about all the things Tony had been hiding from him just to cause some chaos between them before she was probably arrested.

 She didn’t really feel she had anything to worry about though, Meredith Quill was getting off this rock for good tonight and no one was gonna stop her.

 Being an engineer who worked under a weapon manufacture certainly had its perks.  She smiled as the lock clicked indicating she had opened the door. Show time, she mouthed pulling a trigger from her pocket and activating the bombs she had set up around the area to distract the few people inside while she made her move.  

 She flinched a little feeling the earth shake from each bomb she had painstakingly set up. Months worth of grueling labor on her part. All the forms of security had to be memorized and she had to learn how to bypass it all. All the prototypes she had to steal. All that wiring she had to set up and men she had to deal with to help her plan go this smoothly. All of it was paying off and she couldn’t be prouder.

 She walked in with pride after waiting for the people in the facility to run off at the sound, her distraction working. She knew only three staff and three security personnel would be here tonight, most would be at the Stark Convention. She silently thanked Tony for the info she could get out of him while the little idiot was drunk.

  She walked into the work area and her eyes lit up at the space craft left unattended in the middle of the room. This was it, she was gettin’ off this rock once and for all. No more fighting with her dad, no more dealing with Stark’s shit, she was finally gonna be out in the stars like she had always dreamed.

 A loud snarl brought her from her day dreams, she looked across the room to the cell that housed who she guessed was the alien. He wasn’t too different from most Earth men. Big and burly, trying to act all big and tough in his leather jacket. The only real difference was he was blue. He was glaring at her and she glared back.

 “I worked hard to get in here tonight, Marvin the Martian and even ya aren’t stoppin’ me from getting off this rock and on my way to a better place.”

 He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head nudging his head towards a table with supplies neatly laid out across it. Each item bagged and tagged as being from the ‘unknown species’. She picked up what looked like an ear piece he was pointing at and gently opened the bag, sliding it in her ear as he was gesturing her to do.

 She jumped a little as the alien began talking to her and she could understand what he was saying.

 “Listen good girl, if ya want my M Ship, ya ain’t goin’ anywhere without me.”

 “And why would I want to bring ya? Ain’t ya havin’ fun with yer new friends?”

 “Just try to get far without me, girl,” he chuckled, “I would really love to see something entertaining, Terrans are awfully boring with all their talk of ‘science’ and ‘America’ and ‘Greater Good’.”

 “That sounds like Howard alright, you should try being his intern. Its like taking care of your oversized three-year-old…His son Tony ain’t so bad, has great taste in music.”  

 “All the Starks are nothing but pompous a holes to me,” he chuckled again making Meredith approach his cell, for a gross blue alien he weren’t so bad.

 “Can’t disagree with that, but hey I wouldn’t be here right now if Tony weren’t so young and gullible, so can’t complain too much about it either.”

 “You good with engineering, girlie?”

 “Wouldn’t be on Howard’s good side if I weren’t.”

 “Grab that Fin right there they so rudely ripped from my head and re attach it will ya?”  

 “I don’t even know who ya are, blue man. How do I know ya won’t eat me for comin’ near ya.”

 “It was very ungentlemanly of me not to introduce myself right away to a lady so brave enough to come rob my ass while I’m down,” she couldn’t help her smile at his sarcasm, “Yondu Udonta, my lady.”

 “Meredith Quill,” she said instinctively not wanting to seem too rude glancing back at the front entrance to make sure they were still alone.

 “Ya bought yerself only a little time, Merry Death,” she scowled at the way he pronounced her name but didn’t sink to his level by doing it to his own name, “Clock is tickin’. Ya best hurry and decide what yer doing.”

 Meredith thought about it for a moment. She was running out of time fast, her diversion wouldn’t keep them occupied long. She stared at the alien, her stare telling him all.

 “If’n ya don’t do that, yer gonna be defenseless on yer own when they get back. I like ya a little more than those idiots, so don’t fail me girl and I’ll drop ya off on Xandar when I get my ship back and ya’ll be right where ya need to be.”

 “Alright but I suspect foul play….I’ll…” she thought for a moment before pulling a bottle of pepper spray from her bag, “I’ll mace yer ass and it won’t be pretty. Hell, might be lethal to ya for all I know.”

 He just laughed at that not taking her threat too seriously. Taking a deep breath, she picked the lock of the cell as quick as she could making the man’s smile widen. She shot him a smug grin. Dating bad boys had its perks.

 As soon as she got in, she tossed her bag to the side and got to work on installing the fin back to his head as fast as she could, not wanting to chance them coming back so soon.  It was easier then she suspected it would be, like putting an engine back together. All the wires were easy to figure out, some needed a little bit of pressure to get back into place, those idiots probably just yanked it out of his head while he was unconscious. She felt bad, that it musta hurt, she gently shushed him when he groaned a bit at her tightening it, even taking the time to message the side of his scalp as she tightened the last part in to help him feel a bit of comfort.

 Her luck was never great though, good but not perfect. As soon as she got the fin reattached to his head, she heard someone already coming back. Fuck, fuck, fuck, she mumbled.

 “If yer comin’ with me ya best hurry.”

 She nodded grabbing her back pack off the ground and hurrying out the cell with the alien who looked thrilled to be on the outside looking down the guards guns.

 “How did the specimen get out?!”

 The lead doctor pushed past the guard and stared behind a very smug looking Yondu and stared straight at Meredith who shrank back a little beating herself  up a little for not getting that ski mask.  

 “Meredith?! How did this nut job get in here?!”

 “Ok but that hurts,” she scowled at the man, “At least I got here for actually knowin’ what I’m doin’ and not cause ma daddy’s got money, Carl.”  

 “As much as I’d love to stay here to watch ya tear this guy to shreds, Merry Death, I got shit to do, may I do the honors of gettin’ us outta here faster?”

 “What did the creature say?!”

 Meredith ignored her former co worker and nodded. To her surprise her new partner in crime let out a soft whistle and something shot off the table beside them. Meredith’s hair flared up as something whizzed past her. She briefly glanced at the red streak as it passed her by and drove forward and through the six men in the room.

 She didn’t expect he meant murdering her former colleges. She was shocked and unable to move for a second just staring at the blood that splattered on her shoes. She never liked these people sure but murder was a bit much.

 “Ya comin’, girlie?”  

 She stared at the corpses around her and knew she had no other choice. She was getting what she came for or she would stay behind and likely face a lifetime prison sentence or worse. She quickly ran into the space craft with Yondu.

 “What the fuck dude?!”

 “Wha?”

 “You didn’t need to kill them!”

 She felt her emotions buzzing in her head, what the hell was she getting herself into?

 “Its just quicker that way,” he shrugged pushing her down into the co pilot seat and preparing the ship to leave, “Ya got a lot to learn girl.”

 “Don’t patronize me!” she snarled but made no move to stop him as he helped her buckle herself in.

 “Just don’t think about it anymore then, Merry Death,” he grunted taking off through the hangar someone must have left open on their hurried scramble in and out of the warehouse during Meredith’s bomb scare.

 “Those weren’t good men. If ya weren’t part of their species, hell maybe that don’t even matter in their pursuit for ‘science’, ya would have been on their chopping block next like ya saved me from being.”

 Maybe it was the shock  but she couldn’t find the words staring at his solemn and serious face. Like this weren’t the first time this had happened to him. She felt a little guilty about not coming sooner.  

Guys like Carl were a little too happy about cutting into things they didn’t understand. While it was fine he did it to his prized taxidermy collection (always making Meredith’s skin crawl a little with how he described his exotic hunting trips and how he would dissect those creatures to know a bit more about them), it shouldn’t be legal to do that to something sentient. It was disgusting and cruel.

 “I’m only given ya what ya want cause ya saved me back there girl, so don’t take this like I like ya or nothin’. I’ll drop ya off at Xandar, you should be able to find some noble law abiding do gooder ta help ya from there.”

 “What were ya doin’ on Earth to begin with? It don’t seem like yer the type to abduct humans for experiments.”

 He snorted at that giving Meredith an incredulous look that made her sink a little in her seat.

 “I’m as low as they come girlie but I ain’t no slaver. That’s a low I will never get to. I ain’t gettin’ close to bein’ that again. I was just on a drunken joy ride and thought it would be funny to stop on a primitive planet. It weren’t.”

 She didn’t question him any further, not really wanting to know what he meant by that. She slid her head sets on and turned on her favorite band, Electric Light Orchestra and let Sweet Talkin’ Woman take her mind off things a little.

 “What is Xandar?”

 “The more advanced Terra. Bad place to be for a thief and murderer like me but its safe and harmless and should help ya find where ya want to go. We’re just gonna make a pit stop to find my crew and make sure they haven’t destroyed my mother ship yet.”  

 She nodded, even after watching him kill people, she knew he wouldn’t harm her, might as well just go along with what he wanted for now.

 They never quite made it to Xandar. Meredith couldn’t tell you when exactly she went from ‘cargo’ to a full-fledged ravager but that was just how her life went it seemed.

Like my work? Buy me a coffee.

#yondu week #yondu udonta #meredith quill #space lily #Dan's fics #SOSM #Part one

[fromseattlewithlove]

I have forgiven : I am free

I don’t know if it’s relationship abuse month or anything like that, but to me, every month, every moment, I appreciate the fact that I made it out of an abusive relationship a better person and quite frankly.. Alive..

Just as a warning, this post will contain graphic depictions of abuse and I understand that this is a very sensitive topic. So tread carefully..

Not many people have heard my story, but I was inspired to share mine when a long term friend from school shared hers with the world a while back. For a good period of time she was someone very close to me and of course as time goes on, you make new friends, you change in high school, blah blah blah; believe it or not we were both suffering together and I don’t think either one of us knew it.. This is when I realized I needed to speak up, because at the time, going through it all, I was deathly afraid to. Literally, my life was threatened multiple times, the boy I was in a relationship with threatened taking his own life many times as a manipulative tactic to get me to stay. So I kept my mouth shut, I censored everything, and I stayed, trapped in the arms of someone who I thought loved me. But here’s the kicker : if you love someone, you would never hurt them.

I will never forget the sense of peace I felt when I shared with a friend for the first time that I was being abused, and out of some sheer ignorance I believed that it would all end because he would tell his mom and she was a police officer and she would be able to do something about it. Wrong. Nothing changed that next morning, and I went on living my life as a lie for the next two years. I didn’t speak of it again until we finally broke up after being together for almost three years. The people in my life knew it was bad, they just didn’t know HOW bad..

Now you may be wondering, three years of abuse? How did you put up with that? WHY did you put up with that? I was scared. Scared shitless. This human I chose to share my insecurities with, lose my virginity to, and claim to be my first love; was troubled, deeply. He suffered from bipolar, depression, mania, anxiety, etc, and the only way he knew how to love was to possess, manipulate, and control. Being tortured by someone who doesn’t even realize that they are damaging you is much more dehumanizing and emotionally taxing than at least knowing the abuser’s intent and knowing that they are achieving what they sought out to do. And at sixteen years old, I didn’t know any different, I had nothing to compare it to. I just, for some odd reason, believed that he was worth the fight.. The fights that would go on every day, til countless hours of the night, the fights that would affect my school work, my relationships with EVERYONE around me - including my childhood best friends - but most importantly the relationship with myself. He had mentally and emotionally beaten me down so many times that I felt worthless, all while he felt so powerful because I was finally powerless. And when that began to slip, he started to get physical.

I can’t place the first time he actually put a hand on me as for I blocked out a lot of those memories. However, I do remember the first time I was cheated on, spit on, stuffed and silenced with a pillow, thrown up against the wall and strangled. When I sleep, sometimes I can still feel his hands around my neck. I’ll never forget the way his eyes changed when he got like this. He pulled a knife out on me once, threatened to kill me, kill himself, my family, and the sweet, innocent boys who had attempted to save me from this toxic relationship. I often remember being scared to fall asleep next to him because I didn’t know if I would wake up in the morning. I didn’t know what he was capable of doing after experiencing all that already. I remember being on my knees on my own prom night begging him not to leave me, after experiencing one of his episodes and being choked because I was talking to a guy he had forbade me to speak to. I remember our last argument, in the Fred Meyer parking lot, he showed up at my work place unannounced expecting a conversation. He told me he was going to run away and that I would never hear from him again. My mother called and he made me put it on speaker phone to convince her that I was okay and would be home late, except she knew something was wrong because he kept yelling at me to hang up the phone - mother’s intuition ehh? I managed to get out of his car at one point and hide behind other cars to indeed warn my mother that I was NOT safe and needed her to come get me as soon as possible - turns out she was already in the car and on her way. I remember him throwing a skateboard at me as I ran away. I remember him yelling “I’m going to kill myself!” And “Fuck you bitch!” For the longest time just hearing the words “fuck you” was a trigger for me. I was brought back to that very moment, seventeen again and shattered. And maybe I’m writing this today because those triggers no longer have control over me.

Before all of this I was not the submissive type.. I didn’t put up with the bullshit, I was the one kicking boys in the playground and making them cry! It only became the other way around once my fire was taken away from me, he watched that happen and he enjoyed it. He destroyed everything that I loved, he convinced me that I would not be able to live without him and he would not be able to live without me. I remember being strong and independent when we first started dating. I remember being in awe of him and all his life stories - for a fifteen year old boy - stories, that to this day, I have no idea are true or false.. I can sit here and admit confidently that I do not know anything about my first love and I do not remember any happy memories with him when his name gets brought up.

I’m sharing my story with you here today because I hope to God that nobody ever has to experience what I went through. I know how common abusive relationships are and I know how easy it is to just keep your mouth shut rather than bring attention to the subject. I know what it feels like to be afraid of your own parents’ reactions, to admit to your friends that someone you thought loved you was actually slowly destroying you. I know what it’s like to hide under the surface of your relationship, to make up excuses for him, to live in denial, to force yourself to wear a mask, and to convince yourself that you deserve the abuse. I am here to tell you - women, men, gay, straight, WHATEVER - that you DO NOT deserve it.

Relationship abuse is a real thing, it takes on many forms; whether it be physical or psychological, and if you are going through it, speak up about the issue, ask for help, because keeping it all in is even worse. I know how scary it can be to open up and let the truth pour out. Yet the reality of it is, whether you bottle it all up inside or share your story, you will continue to live with it and it will taint your future relationships (hopefully not forever - I’m still figuring that part out). You will convince yourself that you do not deserve the best forms of love that exist. You will build up these walls that will take years to break down. So embrace it, because living in the dark is so much worse and I cannot even begin to express how freeing this was for me. I hope me sharing my story inspires others to share theirs, to break ties with the person that is destroying them, because nobody deserves to be censored, put down, and broken. Everybody deserves to be loved, appreciated, and supported, and it is time we stopped making up excuses.

If you or anyone you know is currently a victim of relationship abuse, GET HELP! Reach out to a loved one, anyone, even me - I am here, I am with you. Forgive yourself, you didn’t know he or she would hurt you. You are stronger than you think.

#relationship abuse #abusive relationships #abuse #violence #relationships #abuse survivor #emotional #speak your truth #I am with you

[royalnightoutphff]

Chapter Twenty-Three

A/N: Here we gooo. Also, it's my birthday today, so any kind of feedback/comments would be lovely ;)

Lexy was having a great day. She’d talked up three times in her seminar, had finished all of her papers, and the kids at work were off school, so she didn’t have to go in. And then, to top her day off, Harry called her out of the blue, even though she still hadn’t answered his text.

“Hi love,” he said as she answered, opening her door and finding that Nicole was still gone. “I’m having a bit of a rough day.”

Lexy frowned, throwing her bag on the floor and laying across her bed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nearly half past ten, but I was sitting here listening to the radio, something I never do, and then the broadcaster of some radio program I’ve never even heard of, starts talking about my mum. And normally I wouldn’t let it get to me, but sometimes it’s just so difficult that people legitimately think that my father had her killed.”

Lexy squinted at her world map in confusion. She had many questions for him: why was he listening to a radio program at 10pm? Why was this host talking about his mother? But she also felt that neither was appropriate, so she bit her tongue.

“I’m sorry, Haz. It isn’t fair. What did he say?”

“Just the usual. That it was all plotted. Which it wasn’t, by the way. They like to think my grandparents had something to do with it, but to tell you the truth, I think my grandfather liked my mother more than my father.”

“Do people actually think that?”

“Yeah. And I guess they forget that she actually died and that me and my brother were very much affected by it. I guess it’s easy to forget that we’re people too.”

It was the first time she’d heard Harry refer to William as just his brother and it made her wonder just how much he was affected after all. She’d died a week before his thirteenth birthday after all, and that was enough to scar him permanently.

“I think it’s easy to dehumanize people when you don’t know them. We see it all the time.”

“Mhm,” Harry muttered.

Lexy wasn’t sure what to say after that. She could tell he was upset but she wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. Of course, she’d helped her other friends when they were sad, but Harry was different, and she couldn’t help thinking that this was some kind of test to see if she could actually comfort him.

So she took a deep breath and let it out. “What do you miss most about your mom?”

And it was apparently the right thing to say, because Harry began talking as soon as she said it.

“Everything. I miss her voice, the way her laugh used to make everyone in the room smile. The way she would yell at me when I did something naughty, with the right look in her eyes that would let me know that I wasn’t in that much trouble and that she still loved me. She was away from home a lot, or William and I were away from home, and she would call often. You have no idea how long I’ve just been sat holding my phone, before I rang you. I can still remember her number.”

Lexy’s heart broke for him and his words and the way his voice broke in the end. Harry cleared his throat and began to speak again before she could.

“But mostly I miss just looking at her. She was so beautiful, Lexy. So beautiful. She was one of those people that you could just see the goodness radiating off of her. Pictures don’t do her justice.”

“You’re beautiful, Harry,” she told him. “Just like you’ve described. You have her blood flowing through your veins and her in your heart. I’ve never met a person as kind as you, as good as you, as wholesome as you.”

Harry tried to laugh but it sounded more like he was choking. Lexy wished she could be there to hold him, to let him know it was all going to be alright, like he had done for her so many times before. “You must not have met many people then.”

“I definitely have. I’m sorry this has happened to you. I wish I could go back in time and save her, so that you could have had a few more years with her.”

“Me too,” he whispered. He cleared his throat again. “Me too.”

“Why were you listening to that radio show anyway?” She asked, finally deciding he was okay enough for her to ask.

“I was bored again. I spent two weeks with you and I feel like I can’t do anything now that you’re not here.”

Lexy smiled. She missed him more than he knew. “I miss you too. But it’s almost the middle of April already and then I’ll see you in June.”

Harry groaned. “I have to go to church on Sunday. For Easter. I hate going to church.”

“Why?”

“I believe in God. I’ve told you this before. But while some people might turn towards religion when they go through things, I went the opposite route.”

“Oh no, I get you. I did too. It’s hard to feel like everything will be okay when it just won’t. And you know that it won’t, y’know?”

“Yeah. As if some thousand-year-old text is supposed to make me feel better.”

“Carrie always reads me bible verses when I tell her I’m sad.”

“As if I needed another reason to dislike Carrie.”

Lexy laughed lightly. “What are your plans for tonight?”

“I have work tomorrow. So, I’ll probably have a beer. Then sleep. Maybe I’ll wake up and go for a run tomorrow.”

“That’ll be good. Runs always make me feel better. And the weather must be getting nicer, yeah?”

Harry snorted. “I’m sorry, was it England you visited last year or the Bahamas?”

Lexy rolled her eyes. “I meant that it’s spring, Harry. And that the weather has to be getting better. Less cold, at least.”

“Well yeah, that does typically happen.” He sounded like he was going to say something sarcastic again but stopped himself. “Tell me a story,” he requested.

“What?” Lexy laughed, not understanding.

“Like a bedtime story. Tell me something.”

“I can’t just tell you a story. I need time to think about that.”

“Tell me about the best time you had with your mum.”

At first the request had her feeling like she would start feeling sad, but as she thought about it more and more, she couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her cheeks. “Um, well, you know how my birthday is in January?”

“Yeah.”

“Well we never used to have money in January, so I would never get presents. But by the time my half birthday came along, my mom would get her summer bonus. So this one year, the year I turned fourteen, we went out to dinner at this Italian restaurant about an hour away from my house. And then when we got there, just me and my mom, she told me that it was all for me.”

“Where was Sara?” Harry interrupted.

“She was pregnant at that time, with Deacon. My mom really didn’t like it. She came around eventually, of course, but I can tell you I was her favorite child for a while.”

“Brilliant,” Harry laughed. “Continue.”

“Well, we got to this restaurant and she let me order this pasta I couldn’t pronounce. It was thirty dollars and I didn’t even end up liking it, but she let me do it anyway. Afterwards we got cupcakes and she bought me this journal. I still have it. It’s filled up now, but I still take it everywhere with me.”

“What does it look like?”

“It’s got this sort of archaic look on it. With a world map. And it has just the right kind of paper in it. It was forty dollars.”

Harry whistled at the price, even though Lexy knew that it wasn’t a big deal to him. She wished she could one day let him know how much she appreciated him.

“Did you celebrate this half-birthday thing every year?”

“Yeah. But I wouldn’t really call it a half birthday. We didn’t really celebrate my real birthday much. Like I said, January was always a tough month for us. I think it’s why I don’t mind spending it alone much. But the half birthday thing was really only between me and my mom, so I haven’t celebrated it since she died.

“We’ll celebrate it when you’re here,” Harry promised. “We’ll do something special.”

“We don’t have to. Just having you know is enough for me.”

“Oh no,” he joked. “You wouldn’t let me visit you on your birthday. You’re not getting out of this one.”

“You gave me a gift! That’s more than anyone in my family did!”

“Did you like it? I wasn’t sure if you would. I hadn’t seen you wear much jewelry but I wanted to get you something that would help you remember your mum.”

“I did. I wear it all the time.”

“You didn’t while we were at your house.”

Lexy loved that he’d noticed that, that he’d been able to pick up on such minute details about her. “I didn’t bring it with me because Sara has a habit of collecting all my things, and if Liza-Belle saw it, she would surely want it.”

“Good,” he said, but this time it was a little smugger, like he was happy that he had gotten her the right gift. “I think I’m going to sleep now. Good night, babe.”

“Good night, Harry.”

And as Lexy took out her notebook to read over her lecture notes, she couldn’t help how happy she was feeling that she was able to comfort Harry for once.

**

A week later found Lexy knee deep in assignments. It seemed as if the fact that the semester was drawing to an end meant nothing to her professors. She was perpetually tired no matter what time she woke up, and she finally found herself in the middle of writing one of her political science essays on gun control at three am.

“Nicole,” she said, causing the girl who was still awake, working on one of her own essays, to pull out one of her earbuds. “Do you know if glocks are classified as military grade weapons?”

“What the fuck is a glock?”

“I should call my uncle,” she muttered. “Do you think he’s awake?”

“Probably,” Nicole glanced at down at her phone. It was 3:36, and she grimaced. “Maybe he gets up really early?”

“Maybe,” Lexy agreed. But when she called her uncle and received no answer, she sighed. Then she tried again. She said something to Nicole but the girl didn’t hear her, already having put her headphones back in.

Then Lexy decided to call Harry.

“Lexy,” he greeted on the third ring. “Good morning.”

“Are glocks military grade weapons?” She responded in her own personal greeting.

“Uh…no? They lack an external safety which is an automatic disqualification and they have an awful trigger pull.” He was silent for just a moment. “Also, if your only weapon is a glock, something has gone horribly wrong…that’s a handgun. You wouldn’t want to be up against an assault rifle.”

“Hm,” Lexy muttered, writing all of his words down. She’d paraphrase it later, find sources to back it up. “And do you know what a Sig Sauer pistol is?”

“Yeah,” he told her, and then proceeded to correct her pronunciation. “Those were designed by the American military. It’s a combat pistol. Lexy, what is this for?”

“I’m writing an essay and my uncle didn’t answer. Also, don’t you like, have to go through a lot of training to even touch a gun in the military?”

“Loads. It takes weeks. Sometimes months. What’s your essay about?”

“Gun control. Isn’t it interesting how soldiers have to go through tons of training to even get to touch a weapon but any ordinary civilian can just go pick one up?”

“Yeah. Also, seeing what happens with guns…I don’t know why anyone would want to own an assault rifle. Personally, I mean.”

“I have a lot of respect for soldiers,” she continued, acting like he hadn’t spoken. She was on some sort of delirious high that only occurred in the early hours of the morning. “Like that’s a lot of work to just be able to wake up so early and to be so physically fit. Not to mention being away for so long and always being prepared for combat.”

“Yeah?”

Lexy remembered who she was talking to in that moment. She’d forgotten it was Harry, probably due to her lack of sleep. She’d forgotten he’d done his own service.

“Yeah. I think it’s incredible. I think you’re incredible for doing what you did. Even with the Invictus games and everything, it’s amazing. And I mean, your biceps are really nice too. Nicole said that, not me. But I don’t disagree.”

Harry laughed. “Thanks, love. Is this call a result of late night Lexy? Or did you just miss me?”

“Both,” she told him.

“You didn’t call me today. I was getting a bit worried. I expected you’d try and call while I was sleeping, wake me up.”

Lexy flipped her pen in the air. “I’ve been really busy with school. And then I had to write this essay and it’s really early so no one’s awake.”

“Right. Well, I have good news.”

“Did you get me Ed Sheeran concert tickets? He’ll be in London May first and second.”

Harry laughed. “No, I’m afraid not. Is that something you’d like though?”

“Um yeah!” She said it so loudly that Nicole looked over at her, annoyed. Lexy quieted down. “But honestly, Ana and I are probably going to go when he has his US leg of the tour. We’ve been saving up.”

“Hm,” he hummed. “Okay. But if you ever want me to try and pull in some favors, I could probably swing it.”

Lexy’s jaw dropped. She took a moment to see if she could understand what he was saying. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“That I could find a way to contact Ed Sheeran? Yeah.”

Lexy squealed and Nicole looked over at her, annoyed again. “Oh my God, Harry. You have to do that. I listened to his music so much when my mom died, you have no idea. I love him so much. It’s my dream in life to marry him.”

Harry started laughing. “You are so ridiculous. But no, my news is better.”

“You can’t possibly pretend that your news is better than Ed Sheeran.”

“I got you an internship. For the summer.”

“Definitely not better than Ed.”

“Oh come off it. You’ll be working for a member of parliament about twenty minutes away from my house.”

“Exciting,” she told him dryly. But then it set in that she would legitimately have a reason to visit him and be able to get paid and she smiled widely. “I love London. But does this mean I should pay you rent?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Harry, you can’t expect me to just stay there all summer for free.”

“I absolutely can. I know you’re a bit squeamish when it comes to commitment, but I’m serious about this relationship, so take that as you will.”

“I am not!” Lexy said defiantly.

“Please. You can’t be good at everything.”

“Half the time I still don’t think this is real. I feel like I’m going to wake up and just be back home in Tennessee and be alone forever.”

“Nah. You’ve got Ed.”

Lexy laughed so hard that Nicole finally grew fed up with her. Lexy sighed and apologized and then said her good-byes to Harry, promising to call him the next day.

**

Lexy had been on her computer typing away rapidly for approximately six minutes when she heard the familiar skype ring tone start up. She hadn’t realized that she’d kept the app open and felt herself start to get even more stressed as she hit the answer button and Harry’s face fit the screen.

“Hey, I was just about to go out for the night, so I thought I’d call you.”

Lexy frowned but nevertheless continued typing. “Go out? Where are you going?”

“Out with some friends. One of them recently got married and found out his wife is pregnant, so we’re celebrating.” Lexy nodded but continued typing furiously. “What are you doing?”

Lexy was about to answer when her phone rang beside her desk. She looked at the number on the screen, one she had saved the week she got it, and immediately picked it up.

“Bueno?” She answered. “Si, si, soy yo,” she glanced at Harry who was raising his eyebrows. Lexy shook her head at him and then began to talk in rapid Spanish.

She kept her eyes on Harry’s as she listened and nodded occasionally. Finally, when she hung up the phone, she smiled at him. She felt her stress level decrease quite a few levels.

“And who was that?”

“That was the law firm in Spain. I applied for it before you told me about the internship last night.”

Harry frowned. “Are you going to do it?”

“Probably not. But it’s nice to keep my options open, and it means a lot that they even accepted me.”

“Do you want to go to law school?” His frown hadn’t yet disappeared. “I feel like that’s something you should’ve told me.”

Lexy shrugged. “You never asked me about my future plans.”

“Yes I did. The first time when I showed you Buckingham, and we talked about how you wanted to be a teacher but you had bigger plans. Then, we talked about how you wanted to publish a book at some point.”

Lexy squinted at him. “You remembered that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course I remembered. But when did you decide to go to law school?”

“I mean, I haven’t yet. But it’s just something I’ve always kept as a possibility. Ideally I’d like to work with policy, I think. But something that I could combine working with kids.”

Harry grimaced. “You’ll be so much more educated than me.”

“Is that a problem?” What Lexy thought was going to be a simple conversation had turned into an awkward one, and she wished more than anything that Nicole would just happen to walk inside.

“No,” he cleared his throat. “You’re just already so smart, and I love that about you, but it just makes me feel a bit like I can’t keep up.”

Lexy frowned again. “It’s not like there’s not lots of stuff you know that I don’t. I mean, I know nothing about the military, for example. And you’ve started your own charity, and the Invictus Games. You also grew up in a way I didn’t. Having more education just means that I’ll be doing what I wanted. What I’ve always wanted.”

They stared at each other for a while. Finally, Harry nodded. “Alright, well I suppose you have work to do and I should finish getting ready.”

“Don’t make out with any random strangers,” Lexy warned him.

Harry chuckled and smiled at her. “I won’t.”

Lexy smiled. “Good. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Looking forward to it. Honestly, I might end up texting you tonight, so be prepared.”

Lexy saluted him and a few moments later they ended the call, Lexy trying to recount the conversation they’d had and wondering if something was starting to go wrong, and thinking that Harry, all the way across the Atlantic, was likely to be doing the same.

#princeharryfanfiction #prince harry #prince harry fanfiction #princeharryfanfic #phff