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#used for when someone is toxic specifically in relation to you and what you need. so i didn't put it in. but it rubs me up the wrong way
selectivechaos · 11 months
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cw: slurs ⚠️⚠️⚠️
quit using insecure as an insult.
quit using desperate as an insult.
quit using ‘needs therapy’ as an insult.
quit using psychotic as an insult.
quit using pathetic as an insult.
quit using clingy as an insult.
quit using sociopath as an insult.
quit using narcissist as an insult.
quit using dumb as an insult.
quit using slow as an insult.
quit using autistic as an insult.
quit using psychopath as an insult.
quit using insane as an insult.
“but sometimes they are these things.” an accurate label used as an insult is a mirror shard used as a knife.
you’re hurting real people. people who don’t deserve to believe they’re bad or flawed or wrong.
🌹🌹
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maryrouille · 1 month
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Toxic romanticization of studying
In a word of introduction, my profile partly shows that studying and exploring is wonderful. But as a person involved in science*, I would like to show healthy and true patterns of this beautiful adventure in acquiring knowledge.
The inspiration for writing this post this time was not the phenomenon from Tumblr (although you can also observe it here), but from Pinterest. There you can come across cycles composed of quotes and photos whose aim is to motivate young girls to learn, succeed and get good grades. These images often also show examples of characters from movies, TV series or real life that you can aspire to be like. Overall, I have to agree that it really works! But I would like to draw attention to certain elements that need to be verified.
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1. You shouldn't get up at 5am
First of all, the correct amount of sleep is one of the most important factors affecting the proper and effective functioning of our brain. During sleep, nerve cells regenerate, organize information acquired during the day and consolidate memory traces, which is directly related to learning. Lack of sleep increases impulsivity, deepens negative thinking and slows down the body's reaction time!
2. You can be a genius without good grades
Of course, good grades are a pleasant confirmation of our knowledge and praise for hard work. However, sometimes it is worth considering whether the structure of exams themselves, especially those with closed questions, affects the results. We often study for one specific exam, the knowledge of which may be very… limited and sometimes not useful, so it is worth prioritizing the topics that we study hard.
3. It's not cool to think you're better than others
We are different and have different priorities in life. It is also worth considering how many people escape from the rat race and start a slow, stress-free life. So we have to agree that judging people based on grades or responses under stress (sic!) is not cool.
The good thing about romanticizing studying
As I have already said, these types of collages are really motivating. So let's talk about what's great about them and what's worth highlighting and saving for later.
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1. Knowledge is beautiful, but your outfit and surroundings can also be
We know that we should never judge a book by its cover, but… the issue of social perception painfully confirms that we do and will continue to do so because this is how our brains work. And isn't it nice when someone looks at us and thinks this girl is so classy?
Moreover, a nice outfit that makes us feel good gives us a lot of self-confidence. There are also many studies confirming the positive impact on motivation and concentration of a neat and aesthetic workplace.
2. Not just cramming, but also discovering
Broadening your horizons is easier with passion and real commitment. And to achieve this, the topics must really interest us. Not everyone has yet found something that they are extremely passionate about in science, so that is why you have to dig deeper and discover different areas.
3. Don't be afraid to use your knowledge in practice
Schools and universities, unfortunately, have their own rules and they do not always allow you to show your 100% potential. Thus, share your knowledge with others externally, write essays, blog and social media. This form of activity also makes you learn things faster and easier. In addition, contacts with others will expand your knowledge.
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Therefore, I must say that it is worth choosing your inspirations carefully. Nothing helps you enjoy studying better than a clear head and lack of prejudices.
*This post was inspired by my own experience with studying. If anyone is interested, I think I can share my mistakes that did not help me in an academic adventure :)
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i know i've said this before but i'm so tired of people acting like Patton is the general embodiment of morality. as if he is the personification of the legal justice system and everything he does must be good and fair™.
folks, Patton is Thomas's morality. remember what Virgil said in the Q&A episode?
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this applies to all of the sides. every single one of them.
Remus wouldn't be the same for everyone, different people have different types of intrusive thoughts. Logan wouldn't be the same for everyone, different people have had different levels of education, different forms of intelligence and different applications of logic.
but the funny thing is, i never see people criticize the other sides for being too representative of their title. they don't reprimand Virgil for making Thomas anxious because that's his job. they don't bash Roman for being a perfectionist. but for some reason, people expect Patton to be a saint who does no wrong.
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it's emphasized so clearly in multiple episodes that the sides are the result of Thomas's upbringing specifically. Patton is simply the moral code that Thomas's parents and on a larger scale, society, had taught him.
“Patton was so accepting of Virgil but he couldn't accept Remus or Janus!”
yeah. because it's easier to deal with anxiety than it is to deal with intrusive thoughts. don't get me wrong, anxiety is definitely a serious issue. but Thomas's anxiety never went directly against his morals, if anything, Virgil's perspective aligned very much with Patton's. being anxious about say embarrassing yourself in public or not getting your work done in time is not as morally concerning as having thoughts about murdering your brother.
but Thomas, like many of us, grew up with no one to tell him what intrusive thoughts are or how to deal with them. when Patton was chastising Thomas for having these thoughts, that's just Thomas beating himself up over something he can't control.
the same goes for Janus. Patton had a hard time accepting Janus because Thomas had learned to always be selfless since when he was younger, and Janus was challenging that point of view. when Patton was pushing Thomas to be selfless, that's just Thomas pushing himself and feeling guilty at the thought of focusing on his own needs.
i feel like people think that Patton is actually Thomas's father figure or something. i understand if he reminds you of someone toxic in your life and it can be uncomfortable to watch. but while it's good to relate to the media you are consuming, it's also important to view things in context.
Patton is not a person, he's not an individual who has the freewill to do what he wants. he is only Thomas's morality and what his morals are heavily depends on what Thomas was taught and how he was raised.
Patton cannot control the morals that Thomas had learned. he can only try to implement them in Thomas's life and unless Thomas himself decides to unlearn some of the unhealthy ideals that he has internalized, Patton cannot go against his nature. he can only do what he has been programmed to do, with the knowledge that he has.
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icyg4l · 3 months
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Pick-A-Girl Group: What Purpose Do the Women In Your Life Serve?
Continuing on with my Women’s History Month series, I am going to do a reading on how the women in your life feel about you and the effect of these feelings. I am going to be using the True Heart Tarot Deck and the Archetype Oracle Deck. These readings are supposed to uplift, relate to and inspire women so I hope they serve their purpose. I Without further ado, please pick your pile. 🫶
***Disclaimer: Regardless of your gender identity, the women that are in your life deserve to be celebrated as long as they have pure intentions. Much love. 🩷
Left-to-Right (1-4):
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Pile One: If you resonate with the image of FLO, then you deserve the whole fucking world. Pile One, the women in your life absolutely adore you. You probably resonate with the song’s theme: recognizing beauty in yourself when everyone is against you, specifically as a black woman. You have come such a long way. The women that are currently in your life have seen you make mistakes and allowed you to do so. They recognize your evolution. A lot of you have a best friend who you’ve been friends with for a long time and she is so proud of you. She is proud of the person that you have become. This pile has some cheerleaders around them. I feel like the women in your life are meant to take inspiration from what you are going through right now. I think that you may be going through your redemption arc.You’re forgiving yourself for a lot of things that you’ve done in the past. The women in your life see that and are following suit. After all, living life does mean not being a robot. These women who are around you are all ears, very receptive to what it is that you are doing with your life. You’re like their Oprah, lol. If you have a story to tell, share it with her. She may need to hear it. I channeled the show: Beyond Scared Straight; specifically the parts where the prisoners talk to the kids about their life stories and the reasoning for why they should not end up in jail. I feel like you could be someone’s mentor, whether they’re younger or the same age as you, perhaps even older. You are someone’s Reesa Teesa too, lol. I get the feeling that you need to be talking about yourself, Pile One. There is an audience full of women who are willing to hear you out and listen. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 
God: Benevolence and compassion. Recognizing the eternal force within yourself and others/Despotism and cruelty. Using power to control people 
Mother: Nurturance, patience, unconditional love. Joy in giving birth to life/Smothering or abandoning children. Instilling guilt in children for becoming independent.
Poet: Expresses soul insights in symbolic language/Turns a lyric gift to negative or destructive effect. 
Cards Used: 2 of Swords, 4 of Discs, 9 of Cups, Prince of Wands (RX), King of Discs, Four of Cups, Temperance.
Pile Two: If you resonate with the photo of Destiny’s Child, you got some ride or dies around you for real. I think that you’ve been through hell and back with the women in your life and they do not play about you. I think the women in your life want you to know that you are so worth it. I’m not going to lie Pile Two, it sounds like you’re in a toxic love situation and your girls want you out of it. Your friends, cousin or little sister could have told you that you need to exit stage left multiple times. They absolutely believe you deserve better. Hypothetically speaking, If y’all fell out today and an emergency happened tomorrow, they would be on the way to the hospital. I feel like family is so important to you. They feel like you’ve forgot about them but I don’t think that you have. Circumstances make it difficult for you all to see eye-to-eye. The women in your life want you to know that you are not alone. They will forever be there for you no matter what, even if you have lost your damn mind. These challenging times will make the bond between you and these women stronger. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 
Artist: Expressing a dimension of life that is beyond the five senses. Inspiring others to see life symbolically / Using talent as an excuse to mistreat others. Posing as the Starving Artist to elicit pity.
God:  Benevolence and compassion. Recognizing the eternal force within yourself and others / Despotism and cruelty. Using power to control people 
Goddess: The feminine expressed through wisdom. Nature, life force, and sensuality / Exploitation of the female nature and form 
Cards Used: Ace of Discs, 9 of Swords, Princess of Cups (RX), Prince of Discs, The Hierophant, Princess of Discs, 4 of Cups (RX), The Devil (RX), 10 of Cups.
Pile Three: If you resonate with the photo of TWICE, you got the grandmother spirit around you. Did you grow up in the church? Or at least with a god-fearing grandmother? I feel like the women in your life hate to see you unhappy and this is what you’re feeling right now. I think that you may be uninspired/unfulfilled with what life is giving you right now. It’s not an uncommon feeling. But smiling can make all the difference. The women in your life want to see you smile, make you smile and laugh. They want to be there for you like how your grandmother was. No one will ever replace Granny but her presence is always there. You may be questioning God/your higher powers because of something that deeply affected you. But the women around you want you to not feel ashamed or want you to feel like they are judging you. They have been in the same predicament. They only want to see you get better. They hate to see you like this. It may be hard to do this but look at the glass half full, rather than half empty. They want you to get back to yourself, the version of you that isn’t defeated. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 
Child: Nature: Friendships with animals. Communication with nature spirits / Tendency to abuse animals, people and the environment. 
Destroyer: Releasing what is potentially destructive. Preparing for new life / Intoxication with destructive power. Destroying others’ dreams or potential.
Child: Magical: Seeing the potential for sacred beauty in all things. The belief that everything is possible / Pessimism, depression and disbelief in miracles. Believing that energy and action are not required for growth.
Cards Used: The Devil, Princess of Cups, The Star, Judgment, The Moon, Temperance, Seven of Swords.
Pile Four: And lastly, if you resonated with the photo of the Spice Girls, you seem very sensual. Are you a SWer? Do you attend pole dancing classes for fun? Do you know someone who does either of these things? I feel like the women in your life appreciate how physical you are. You’re probably an artist and you're sensitive about your shit too. The women in your life feel as though you have a lot of talents. You’re very multifaceted and they love to brag about it, especially the older women. You could been the cousin who had to show off the latest dance move. So as a result, you became the leader of the pack. You can be naturally nurturing but it can drain you. The women around you feel like you need to put up some boundaries so that you can still worry about you. They respect your quality of being a giver, but do you even respect yours-[GUNSHOT]. There is a woman that you are close to that admires a quality that you hate. She compliments it any chance she can get because she wants to uplift you. I feel like people always try to touch you, whether it’s your hair, your arms, or even your butt. The women around you could immediately shut it down or call them out or defend it. They want to protect your innocence. Even though you are grown, you have that ingenue within you. They know how you can get (especially while under the influence) so they refuse to let you get that way. When I pulled from my oracle deck, I got the following cards: 
Servant: Delight in serving others with a free and loving heart / Using the lack of money as an excuse not to move forward with life 
Bully: Highlights your tendency to intimidate others. Helps you confront the inner fears that bully you / Conceals deep fears behind verbal or physical abuse.
Hedonist: Inspires creative energy to embrace the good things in life. Celebrates the beauty in yourself / Pursues pleasure to the detriment of health. Indulges at the expense of others.
Cards Used: The Star, The Lovers, Judgment, The Emperor, 7 of Cups, 10 of Swords, Ace of Cups, The Moon, 8 of Cups (RX).
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who-is-this-weirdo · 2 months
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Do you have any hot takes about Hazbin hotel or helluva boss?
I mean, depends on what you call hot takes, for someone in the critical side it's basic and blend, but for most HH/HB fans it's blasphemy soooo:
- The series is not as progressive or as profound as yall seem to think
- The fandom is way too toxic and agressive over Redesigns and Aus, people have to say that they don't hate Vivziepop to be left alone, you don't see that even in other "toxic" fandoms such as Steven Universe, Mlp, or even fandom I don't really like, like the Dream smp or MHA, most of the time, people actually enjoy redesigns, the hate is very specific to THAT fandom
- HH/HB fans don't need safespaces in relation to being fans of these works, there's actual fandoms which are being hatecrimed (like furries), stop being so sensitive over small mockeries when some can get threatened with murder and doxxing
- There should be less sex humor and more death/gore humor, I've seen some people call this series "trash" (not in the garbage sense, but in the gore/violent sense) and I simply do not see why, this series is safe as fuck, asside from episode 4 which gave me a panick attack but that wasn't because of gore
- The treatment of rape is trash, full stop, Viv and Raph are rape fetishist and should not have worked on something about that topic
- Abusers in those shows are too obviously evil, that's not how that works, my dad used to beat and verbally abuse me but he's a strong dude, with humor, who liked to help neighbors, so no one really saw what he did as bad, some really young kids actually saw that I was scared of being in trouble with him and used that to their advantage, it's been a long time but it still haunts me
- Making your main canibal character (Alastor) black is kind of playing off of racist stereotypes, the fact that he doesn't even look remotely black and was made a black dude only so Viv could keep using and demonizing a religion is also gross
- Female characters are written horribly
- Two characters who are coded as autistic get a joke about them being raped
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maitanii · 7 months
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ABOUT YOU | INUI SEISHU
an: i don’t know how to write fanfics of x reader, it’s not really my thing. but i had fun writing this. so enjoy <3 i listened a lot to the 1975 while i was writing this and i didn’t know what to put as a title. this is just me loving inui seishu.
cw: bonten timeline (this takes place in 2013) | Implicit sexual content | toxic relationship (not the main one) | alcohol consumption (both reader and Inui drink a beer)
wc: 6k
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THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 5TH. 2013. 
"I'm looking for a job."
"Thanks, but no."
"I’ve seen the sign you have at the entrance and the job offer on LinkedIn."
"No."
The young man's eyes never leave the car magazine he's leafing through disinterestedly throughout the entire conversation. A pen is gracefully held behind his ear, and a grease stain adorns his pale cheek.
"Can I at least talk to your boss?" You put your hands on your hips. The man lets out a deep sigh before forcefully closing the magazine's pages. He raises his gaze to meet your eyes and forces the most insincere smile he can muster. In his green pupils, there's nothing but annoyance.
"Of course."
With heavy movements, he takes two steps with his long legs and elegantly opens the flip phone on the counter. After a few moments of awkward silence, another phone rings in the room. You search for the object producing the sound. When the phone's beep stops, a toilet flushes. The small wooden door behind the counter swings wide open, revealing a massive figure zipping up his pants.
"Seishu, damn it, you don't even let me go to the bathroom," The blonde man laughs, sarcastic, before returning to his serious expression. "Sorry, boss." He shrugs, raising his thumb and pointing at your figure, standing in front of him. "This girl here says she's looking for a job."
You look the sturdy man up and down who stands before you. You swallow hard as you examine the tattoos that decorate the side of his head.
Draken raises an eyebrow, looking at Inui, who leans on his arms at the counter, amusedly watching the scene. The tall young man with the tattooed skull returns the girl's gaze before extending his hand.
"I'm Ryuguji Ken," shaking his hand back, you pronounce your own name. "So you're here for the job offer... Do you know anything about motorcycles?"
"Not exactly. My father was a big enthusiast. But I learn quickly and make good coffee."
Inui continues to look at you with a poker face. Did you really come to apply for a job at a motorcycle shop without knowing anything about the subject? What's next, studying international relations and trying to build a bridge?
"Oh, I see," Draken says, touching his chin with two fingers, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. "You're young, pretty, and you seem nice. You might attract some customers and be of help to us. You're hired. You start tomorrow."
"What?"
"Yes!" Your exclamation only emphasizes the vein that protrudes on the blonde man's pale forehead.
Inui looks at Draken in disbelief.
"How is she supposed to help in the workshop if she knows nothing about motorcycles, Draken?"
"I put up the sign at the entrance because I needed someone at the counter, not to have another mechanic," Seishu tightens his lips and closes his eyelids. "Besides, if she needs help, you're always here in case something comes up, Inupi. It'll do you good to have some company to improve your social skills."
The tension in the room thickens as Inui grudgingly accepts Draken's decision, though he remains skeptical about the new addition to their team. With a deep sigh, he shifts his attention back to the tools in his toolbox, muttering something under his breath.
On the other hand, you do your best to conceal your excitement and nerves. You are determined to prove your worth, despite your limited knowledge of motorcycles. In truth, you don't care much about the specifics of the job; it's all about paying the bills for your apartment. Even though your mom insists on helping, it's too much for her. Several cafes rejected your job applications due to your refusal to accept exploitation or wear specific uniforms. That's why having a job just 20 minutes away from your house, with a consistent schedule and no split work shifts, feels like a great opportunity.
You are more than ready to embrace this new chapter in your life at D&D MOTORS, at least for the next few months until you earn your degree and sort out some other aspects of your life.
The one who isn't willing to embrace the concept of working with someone else is Inui Seishu. As you stand there, happily texting your mom about the new job, you can't shake the feeling that there's more to him than meets the eye.
THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 23TH. 2013. 
Inui Seishu is the typical man who hates Twilight. You haven't asked him, but you know it. It's not like you have the opportunity to exchange more than two words with him. Every time you try to ask him something, you get a 'uh-huh' or a 'look it up on the computer' as a response. The only moments when you have more chances to talk to him are when you make a mistake in naming a part of the order or point something out. Then, Inui's sermons, as cold and abrupt as he is, echo off the walls of the shop. Later, Draken arrives to tell you it's not a big deal and gives you a pat on the back.
Even though you have only been here for two weeks, you have already gotten used to the penetrating smell of burnt oil and gasoline at D&D MOTORS. Your mother isn't exactly thrilled about you working in such an environment, especially with the rise of gangs in Tokyo, but she can't complain much if that job helps you pay the rent. Every day you look at the calendar, hoping to get to the final exams of your degree and say goodbye to Tokyo to return to your hometown.
“My co-workers are not dangerous, Mom, I promise. I have to go in. Love you,” you close your phone and open the heavy glass doors of the shop.
Draken is looking at the day's schedule, and Inui is starting to set up his toolbox next to the radio he uses to play some music during work time. The doorbell rings when you enter, catching Draken's and Inui's attention.
“Good morning. You are a bit late today. Everything okay on the way here?” Draken comments as he continues to write things in the notebook. A few days ago, you mentioned that you don't live in a good area of the city, but it's what you can afford. Inui, at his boss's words, lifts his gaze and finally greets you with a nod. His expression remains as serious as ever.
“Hello,” you reply with a smile, trying to appear as relaxed as possible. “Yes, my mother called, and I couldn’t hang up sooner. Sorry,” you make a slight bow. Draken laughs lightly.
“No worries, woman. I arrived a couple of minutes ago. Inui is always the first to arrive.”
“I just like to get up early,” the blonde says without much emotion.
Draken approaches you, leaving the counter.
“Today, we have a couple of customers waiting for us to take a look at their bikes. You know how it works. Inui inspects, and you write down what he tells you, understood? I have to handle several orders, so I'll be at the counter for today.”
“Understood,” you nod as you hang your coat on the rack. You are determined to show that you can be a valuable worker. Draken pats your shoulder before turning to Inui.
“Inui, you know the drill. Today, you're in charge of the initial inspection. I trust you'll do a good job with Eiichiro. He really likes your way of working.'” Inui nods without saying a word.
Both of them go to their respective tasks, and you prepare to assist your colleague in the inspection.
The discomfort in the air is palpable. You can't quite understand what part of your personality Inui finds displeasing. But you are at work to work, not to make friends, so you have to swallow your colleague's attitude without complaint. After all, the pay is generous, you don't have split shifts, and Ryuguji (or Draken, as he has asked you to call him on the third day) is a great guy.
When the first customer arrives, you watch carefully the meticulousness and attention to detail with which Inui works. It's evident that he has outstanding technical skills. You begin to take notes of his observations, trying to learn as much as possible.
You can't help but be acutely aware of the silence that envelops the workshop. The client goes away to run some errands while the revision is being done, and Draken is nowhere to be seen. Inui's work seems almost unnaturally quiet except for the occasional sound of 'hum' or 'pass me the screwdriver,' amplifying the awkwardness of the situation." . Every move appears as if it's part of a silent ballet. He almost looks bored, if it weren't for the light reflecting in his eyes. Eyes that look at you from time to time discreetly, as if waiting for you to make a mistake. You almost feel like a child waiting to be grounded. The absence of chatter or the usual workshop sounds adds to the discomfort, making you feel like an intruder in this world of expertise.
With a notepad in hand, you begin to take notes of your observations, the sound of the pen scratching against the paper echoing in the quiet space. You have already familiarized yourself with the brake locations and even sketched a few diagrams detailing the engine parts. But in the hushed environment, you can't shake the feeling of unease, like an outsider trying to blend into a world where silence reigns, and every movement holds a weighty significance.
Whenever you think you have identified a possible issue, your eyes meet Inui's unwavering gaze. Although he doesn't speak a word, his discreet look seems to silently pass judgment on you. After a few minutes of inspection, you cautiously venture to ask a question. "Could it be an issue with the engine's synchronization?" you ask. Inui nods slightly, but his expression remains unflinching. Soon, he redirects his attention back to the motorcycle.
You decide to delve deeper into your theory. "Perhaps it’s a blocked exhaust valve," you mention, tilting your head, hoping for a response or a sign of confirmation. Once again, Inui nods with a minimal gesture, without saying a word. He stands up while removing his gloves and shakes them against his pants. You close your eyes as you watch him smear grease on the fabric. That stain won't come off easily, not even completely.
As if he was a mind reader, Inui speaks for the first time in ten minutes. "I don't come to the workshop to stay clean. The dirtier my uniform is, the harder I've worked in a day," he says. You nod at his words, although you don't entirely agree with his statement.
"Oh, of course, it makes sense,". It doesn't make much sense, but who are you to contradict someone who seems to have no thoughts behind their gaze?
Back when you still lived with your mother and came home after a night out, you tried to make as little noise as possible to avoid disturbing her. In those moments, you felt the same way, measuring your words and avoiding causing any disruption. The lack of conversation and the absence of the usual workshop sounds only make the situation more uncomfortable.
Tearing the page where you’ve been taking notes from the notebook, you leave it on the seat of the inspected motorcycle, and then follow Inui through the workshop. Appearing submissive is something you hate; but working with someone who makes you feel like a burden with every step is even worse.
“Hey, Inui”
“Uh-uhm.”
“Am I bothering you?”
“Right now? Not much.” Inui grabs a denim jacket from the rack and drapes it over his shoulders. Draken looks at him from the counter, raising an eyebrow. ” I need to step out for a moment.” You watch how he touches the pocket of his jacket, probably making sure he has the pack of cigarettes he always carries around “I  won't be out long. If Eiichiro comes back, you take care of it.” Nodding towards you, Inui proceeds to leave the premises. It has started drizzling not long ago. 
You follow his figure with your gaze, observing how his hair sways gracefully with each step his military boots take.
“This guy... “ Draken's voice breaks the silence with a comment that is more for himself than for you.
“He's peculiar. “ you add.
“He's really damn weird.” Both of you laugh at his comment “But he's a very good person and a great friend. He didn't have an easy adolescence when it comes to making friends.” As he pronounces the last word, he gestures with his hands as if making quotation marks. “Give him time, you'll get along well.”
The conversation with Draken continued for a few more minutes. The rain began to intensify. Eiichiro should have arrived a while ago, and Inui hadn't arrived either.
"Inupi didn't have an umbrella, did he?" Draken asks. You shake your head. "Here, take one for him. He's probably in the alley on the other street, having a smoke, and he can't come out in this downpour. I'd go, but I'm waiting for a call. If Eiichiro comes, I'll let him know to wait for a moment."
Taking the umbrella that Draken hands you and another for yourself from the umbrella stand, you nod and start walking to the location. It must be a frequent spot for him to know where he is with such assurance.
As you approach the alley, you hear hushed whispers beneath the sound of falling raindrops. Suddenly, laughter fills the air. You clutch the umbrella you're holding tightly and press the other one close to your chest.
"Inui, I brought you an—"
The words you were about to speak are left unspoken. The scene unfolding before your eyes is hard to comprehend. Seishu's back is visible in the darkness of the alley, but the hands gripping his scalp and exploring his back under his jacket are unmistakable.
When you were taking a step back to return the way you came, both figures become aware of the sound and turn around. Seishu raises his eyebrows, and your gaze instinctively goes to his swollen lips. In an instant, you cast a glance at his companion. You couldn't see his features clearly, but slanted eyes and white hair greet you in the darkness.
"...umbrella. Return carefully."
Dropping the umbrella to the ground, you run back to the workshop. Embarrassment starts to course through your body, and your cheeks begin to burn. Suddenly, laughter begins to bubble up, and when you arrive at the workshop, you close the door and bend over your stomach, laughing.
Draken is just finishing his call when he sees you walk in the door. Hearing your laughter, a smile spreads across his face. The redness doesn't leave your cheeks, just like the feeling of embarrassment that penetrates your mind.
"He..." You still haven't caught your breath enough to articulate a word properly. "He was..." Opening your mouth to laugh again, you raise your hands to start clapping your fingers together, mimicking two people kissing.
Your boss laughs again.
"Oh, so you've met Kokonoi."
Approaching the counter to pick up your water bottle and take a sip, you heard the door beginning to open.
"Now," your coworker's voice made you jump, "now you're really bothering me."
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 9TH. 2013.
Inui Seishu's lip balm has the scent of vanilla although his mouth carries the taste of tobacco. Kokonoi loves the former, but he detests the latter. However, whenever he sees Seishu, he doesn't waste much time before capturing his lips, entwining his fingers in his long blonde hair. He is the one who gives him that lip balm; the same one that Akane carries in her school case whenever they go to the library. This brings him closer to understanding what it would be like to kiss her.
But he's sure that Inui Akane wouldn’t have hands as big and calloused. Nor such a broad back. Nor the prominent Adam's apple in his throat. That's why closing his eyes and kissing Seishu is the simplest way to live out his fantasies
"I have a business trip tomorrow. I'm going to Hong Kong for a couple of weeks."
Oh, that's great," Inui replies, his attention still on his phone. The screen congratulates him for completing another Candy Crush level when he presses the lock button. "Are you going with the Haitani brothers?"
"No." Kokonoi's coat costs more than the entire D&D MOTORS shop and the rent of all the buildings in his neighborhood. Seishu watches closely as Hajime adjusts the collar of his shirt, covering any possible marks decorating the smooth skin of his neck. Any mark that brings him thoughts of Seishu; any mark that reminds him that it doesn't belong to Akane." "I'm going alone. I'll leave you money for the taxi and for another shampoo."
"Shampoo?"
"Yes." Turning towards him, Kokonoi approaches his body lying on the bed and grabs a strand of hair. 
"I don't like the scent of the one you use. It's too strong."
"Ah." Seishu moves his hand aside to sit up on the bed. He takes his white T-shirt from the end of the bed and starts to get dressed. "Lately, my hair has been falling out quite a bit. Draken told me this one would help, but it's true the scent doesn't suit me much."
"Certainly not." Checking the time once again, Hajime gives a final look to the hotel room before approaching the door. "Goodbye Inupi, take care."
The sound of the closing door echoes within the four walls. A sigh escapes Seishu's lips. The king-size bed, covered with high-quality Egyptian cotton sheets, is too big for one person. Surrounded by fluffy pillows, he sat on the mattress and watched the flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. He could take the opportunity to watch "House of Cars" and entertain himself. He had asked for the day off from Draken, so he wasn't in a hurry to go back anywhere. Although, in his day-to-day life, he never really rushed for anything. He didn't even have to go back anywhere.
He decided to lie back down and rested his forearm against his forehead. The distant sounds of the city served as a lullaby; Koko always chose hotels away from the crowd. He had time to stay in the room until six, and it was only four. He considered taking a nap but opted to check his mobile phone again. He had an unread message from Draken.
"Look at what you're missing out on," he smiled upon seeing the photo that accompanied the text. It's a blurry picture of a plate of Takoyaki and some fingers with silver rings peering in the lower corner of the photograph. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know that the low-quality jewelry belonged to you. Tomorrow you would come complaining that your fingers were turning green. He would take the opportunity to call you Hulk, and you would get angry and say, "are you implying that I'm a monster?"
Seishu laughs before locking his phone and closing his eyes, sinking deeper into the tranquil cocoon of the luxurious hotel room. Outside, the city's lights began to twinkle as evening settled in. 
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 4 TH, 2013.
There are good days and bad days. Today was one of the latter kind. 
The guy you had been seeing had been leaving your messages on read for three days. It's not like you had grown too attached, but he provided some company outside of friendship. On the other hand, you had continuous arguments with his family for the most absurd reasons. Your roommate thought it was a good idea to finish your cereal box without asking and to constantly bring her boyfriend into the common areas of the house. To top it off, you got your period before leaving home. You felt like a matchstick being dragged across the box, destined to turn into white phosphorus at some point.
When your umbrella wouldn't close at the entrance of D & D MOTORS, and you arrived fifteen minutes late (with wet hair and socks) for your shift, the last thing you wanted to deal with was your coworker's comments.
Draken had to go on a business trip to pick up some parts in Osaka and was going to take the opportunity to see some old friends. Considering the time he spent at work, you were sure he could use some time away. However, this also meant more time with Seishu. And that didn't excite you much. He had been quite irritating lately. You had heard Draken talking about a fight with his boyfriend (or whatever their relationship was). You didn't care much about people's sex lives, except when it directly affected you. Whatever was going on with Inui, he was taking it out on you at work. So the best thing that could happen to him today was to keep quiet until the clock struck six, without sermons, sharp comments, or unnecessary sarcasm.
“Christmas is approaching, have you thought about asking Santa for a watch?”
“What?” The vein on your forehead starts to throb.
“I’m asking you if you've thought about being on time for once. Draken should start deducting hours from your contract.” 
When his words meet silence, Inui places the wrench he was holding on the floor. He turns his body to face yours. His green eyes inspect you from head to toe with an indifferent look. Instinctively, you cover your stomach with your hands. Has he noticed that you look more bloated today? Without saying a word, he turns his head and goes back to his business.
“Are you going to start working now?” he asks.
You don't know if it's the stress, the piercing pain in your lower back, or the bad weather. But the tears in your eyes start to burn more and more.
“What have I done to make you treat me like crap?” The words flow from your throat before your brain can process them.”If you want, I can talk to Draken and ask him to switch my shift. But I don't deserve to be treated like this.”
“Like what? Look, I don't understand what's wrong with you today.”
“It's not today, Inui, it's every day” Tears began to roll down your cheeks. Damn it, you didn't want to cry today. At least not in front of anyone. “I don't expect us to be friends, but lately, it seems like you hate me, and I don't want that either.”
Seishu looks puzzled as you bring your hands to your eyes and try to wipe away the tears before they fall from your cheeks. How badly had he behaved? He wasn't the most careful person when speaking; his parents always nudged him when he was opening Christmas presents to make him put on a better face. Words kept coming out of your mouth, but Inui had stopped listening to you a few minutes ago, thinking about the interactions of the past week and measuring the words of what he was going to say next.
“I don't hate you. Not at all. I had a fight with someone important to me, and it affected my behavior. I'm sorry.” Bowing slightly, Inui prays that this will be enough to stop your tears.
“...and you're always so obsessed with me being a few minutes late; are you that obsessed with the time?” Your eyes remain hidden behind your hands, which continue to wipe away the salty drops endlessly pouring from your eyes.
He clicks his tongue and straightens up at the same time. With all the gentleness that his calloused hands allow, he delicately grabs your forearms to separate them from your body.
“Hey, did you hear me?” Moving away abruptly, you bring your arms to your chest protectively ”I don't hate you, okay?” He continues speaking. “To be honest, I'm just like that. I thought you knew” You raise an eyebrow at his words, sniffing the mucus generated by your tears with your nose.
“Did you think I found you that unpleasant?”
“No, I didn't mean that” He laughs lightly, putting a hand in one of his pants pockets, and handing you a tissue. His laughter is a very pleasant sound. “I'm not the most expressive person, I guess. I don't know, I'm a bit reserved. I don't usually express things the way I should. But I don't hate you, not at all. I haven't stopped to think about how I made you feel with my words, to be honest.”
Your reddened eyes meet his. For the first time, you notice that there is no boredom in his gaze. Just genuine concern. Despite your anger and frustration, something in the way he looks at you makes you lower your guard a bit.
“Well, that's a start, I guess” You murmur, feeling the tension slowly subside and bringing the tissue you had taken from Inupi to your nose. Inui nods as if he agrees with you. He seems uncomfortable, but he's willing to try to resolve the situation.
“I'll pay more attention to how I act, I promise.” You smile at his words.
“I've never heard you laugh” The poker face disappears from his face. The slightest blush decorates his cheeks. “I like your laugh, Inui.”
“Of course you like my laugh, you sound like a newborn piglet when you’re laughing” A mischievous smile appears on his face.
“Take that back!” Grabbing a cloth from the seat of a motorcycle, you start whipping his shoulder. Laughter begins to resonate in the shop as his Adams apple moves with every sound.  “Good thing you have a boyfriend, because you're terrible with women.”
Taking the piece of fabric from your hands, Inui Seishu stands in front of you with an eyebrow raised. For the first time, you are aware of how tall he is. Despite his soft features, he has a very masculine jaw. Your eyes instantly shift to your hands, where you hold the other end of the cloth tightly.
“I don't think I'm bad with women in any sense. You can ask one of my ex-girlfriends if you want tho.”
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13 TH. 2013
The rainy days are the least crowded in the store. Only half an hour left before closing time, and it didn't look like any customers were going to walk in through the door. In the fridge, there were a couple of beers that Draken had bought for the Friday night shifts.
"You're going to laugh at me." The glass of the Asahi bottle was freezing the tips of your fingers. Inui had taken the last Kirin.
“Oh, believe me, I don't need to know your favorite movie to laugh at you. You give me plenty of reasons already.”
“I know, but I know you, and you're going to annoy me day and night.” 
“It's Twilight, isn't it?” Silence fills the room before a deep laugh erupts from his chest. The sound quickens the pace of your heartbeat. It’s too pleasant, too familiar. If death were to knock on your door at that moment and offer you the chance to hear something for the last time, you would choose to hear Inui's laughter.
“Yes” You answer without thinking, with a smile on your face and a blush spreading across your cheeks. Your favourite movie isn’t Twilight, you don’t even like vampires. It was probably a 2000s sitcom or some Adam Sandler comedy. But you were still enchanted by the mischievous smile Inui fixed on you.
“Kokonoi has always hated Twilight” When he spoke those words, Seishu fixed his gaze ahead. He never talks about him. And you don’t really want to know.  You observe how  a sad smile makes its way in Inui’s face. 
“And you don't?” You ask, giving him a light nudge in the torso.
“I love it” In response, your body turned automatically, your mouth opening in surprise.
“NO WAY” Now it’s your turn to laugh. Inui's eyes fixated on the dimple that occasionally appears on the right side of your face. He likes it (the dimple and your laugh).
“Draken and I went to watch Breaking Dawn Part Two at the cinema last year. Some girls invited us for a drink after the movie. It was fun.”
“Oh well, you use it as a flirting technique” You roll your eyes. A strange knot forms in your stomach as you speak those words “That doesn't count.”
“Pf, I don't need to say I like Twilight to flirt. Just covering this up with a bit of concealer is enough” His fingers pointed to the red mark that covered a quarter of his face.
Your eyebrows furrow at his words, and a wave of questions and emotions fill your mind. Why would someone as attractive as Inui feel the need to hide a birthmark?
“Why would you do that? You have a beautiful face.”
A lopsided smile appears on Inui's lips before he took a sip from his beer bottle. You can be as blunt as him when you want. (He also likes that)
“You're very kind. Try telling me that when we're not drinking” he says while flicking your forehead with his free hand.
“Inupi, are you laughing at me?” Grabbing his cheeks between your hands, you gently squeeze his face between the sleeves of your sweater. “You have an enviable face. You don't have to be ashamed of a birthmark.”
“It's not a birthmark” Setting the beer aside, the young man grabs your wrist and rolls up the sleeve of your sweater on your forearm to let your fingers touch his forehead.
Feeling the wrinkled skin under your fingers, you shiver. It indeed wasn’t a birthmark; it was a scar. So Inui decides it’s time to tell you everything. The fire, Akane, Kokonoi, Shinichiro, his adolescence. Throughout the monologue, your hand continues to caress his head, alternating between his forehead and some strands of his hair. (He appreciates that). His voice didn't waver at any point. It almost sounded like a rehearsed speech, bordering on robotic.
Evoking pity is disgusting. Just remembering how his family's friends acted after the fire makes him angry. The looks they gave when they discovered the mark beneath the bandage, the whispers when they left his sister's room, the loneliness of his parents. Everyone went to say goodbye to Akane, but no one stayed with the Inui family. Except Koko.
"And at what point in your story do heels come into play?" Your voice disrupts his thoughts. He notices your hand is no longer on his head. Sitting on the floor, imitating his posture, your pinky timidly caresses the back of his hand. A shy smile decorating your face, inviting him to speak more. "When did you start liking heels?"
He was never a cheerful child, but he was a child who loved to laugh. Akane always tried by all means to erase the poker face from his expression, and most of the time, she succeeded.
At some point during his speech, his pinky ends up entwined with yours.
MONDAY DECEMBER 23RD 2013
The day Inui Seishu cuts ties with Kokonoi Hajime, the workshop is swamped with tasks. Christmas is in two days and people want to be able to travel with their bikes. Draken never stops answering calls, and you attend to customers, jotting down the problems they describe and directing them on where to park their motorcycles for Inui to inspect later.
It's not traumatic, and no tears are shed. It's expected by both parties. They haven't slept together for weeks. Inui is always straightforward with his words, and that day is no exception. Koko chuckles and affectionately caresses his cheek. His white hair is tied in a braid, and a diamond adorns his right ear.
"One less Christmas gift to buy, huh?" A mischievous smile spreads across his face."Take care, Inupi. You always know where to find me."
A light drizzle falls over Tokyo. Upon entering, Inui fixes his gaze on the scene unfolding before him. The last customer has just left the shop when you place a Christmas hat on Draken's head. He's smiling as he bends down slightly. Seishu closes his umbrella and approaches the counter. Your eyes meet his, and your hand extends a piece of red fabric, shaking it slightly.
"I'm not going to wear a Santa Claus hat."
"I know you're not going to wear it yourself," you say, circling the counter and getting closer to him. "I'm going to put it on you."
"I don't have another choice, do I?" he asks, but your arms are already outstretched, and the synthetic fabric is caressing his still damp hair. Seishu's impassive face doesn't reveal any emotion, but a slight glint in his eyes indicates that he's not as annoyed as he's trying to show. When you finish placing the hat, you lightly pat his cheek.
"Look at yourself!"
"I'm not going to."
But even with the worst expression on his face and speaking with as little energy as possible, the smile struggling to break through gives him away. As you step away for a moment to go to the bathroom, Draken winks at him. Inui's middle fingers don't take long to show his boss his shiny black-painted nails.
"Nice color."
"Screw you."
"Thanks, buddy."
Seishu approaches the motorcycle he has to finish fixing. A liquid leak can be repaired in 45 minutes if he hurries.
"Inui."
"Hmm?"
"Teach me how to ride a motorcycle."
The blonde pauses in his work. You? On a motorcycle? You, who trip over your own shadow and seem always about to cry when it gets cold and you forget your jacket? (he always ends up lending you his) Well, no, he's not going to fix the bike’s problem in 45 minutes.
"Don't you think it's a bit dangerous to learn to ride a motorcycle in this weather?"
You sit down next to him on the floor and decide to watch as he resumes his work on the motorcycle.
"I can live with the risk it poses."
"All right, then. But I won't do it. Ask Draken," he says, rolling his eyes at your words. You huff. Not even a Christmas hat can motivate him.
"Draken is going to Osaka tomorrow to spend Christmas Eve with his friends."
"I know, he invited me to go with him."
"And? Are you going?"
"No, my parents want to have dinner with me" Inui lets out a sigh.
"Oh, well, that's fine," you reply. "So I guess we'll see each other on Wednesday. Don't think I'm going to stop insisting tho" you add.
Seishu smiles inwardly. He doesn't expect you to stop. (He doesn’t want you to.)
As you stand up to start tidying up the workshop, Draken says his goodbyes to both of you. He still has some packing to do, and he has to leave early in the morning, wishing you both a Merry Christmas.
"Why the sudden fixation on learning to ride a motorcycle?"
"I want to impress someone."
In all your interactions during the few months you've known each other, Inui has been the one to speak plainly. You always try to express things differently, frustrating everyone who dislikes indirectness (Him).
Seishu begins to remove his gloves. A small wrinkle forms on his forehead as he furrows his brows. Your shoes suddenly become the most interesting object in the room. So much so that you can't, and don't want to, take your eyes off them.
"Do you think you can impress someone by taking them on a motorcycle ride that could potentially end in the hospital?" Inui is the first to break the silence. His hands finish cleaning the motorcycle he has just repaired.
"He's used to my clumsiness. I don't think he'll be too impressed." The heat begins to rise in your cheeks as you speak each word.
Inui arches an eyebrow, intrigued by your words. But still, he doesn't say anything immediately. Instead, he stands up and places the gloves on the freshly repaired motorcycle. His eyes carefully examine your shoes for a moment, trying to see what's so interesting that you can't look at him.
"What if you tell him how you feel instead of trying to impress him with daring maneuvers?"
A mix of surprise and nervousness is reflected in your gaze. You know Inui always gets straight to the point, but speaking openly about your feelings is a bit more unfamiliar territory. However, you have resolved to take a step forward.
"That sounds too easy for the person I'm trying to win over. Don't you think a good dose of bravery on a motorcycle might be more effective?"
Inui smiles slightly, as if enjoying the wordplay.
"Oh, c’mon." Placing a hand on your head, he affectionately ruffles your hair. "What could be braver for you than being honest with yourself and others?" Fortunately, your brain can't throb like your heart is doing at that moment because, knowing Inui, he would drag you to the hospital in a heartbeat. "But, okay, if you think impressing him on a motorcycle is the best way to have a chance with him, then go ahead. I'll try to help you."
Your lips curve into a grateful smile.
"You're great, Inui, tha—"
"However, I have a condition. Actually, two." Placing a hand on your chin, he holds your head still to look into your eyes once and for all. Your shoes will have to stop being interesting for a few minutes. "The lesson will take place as soon as we finish the shift." As you open your mouth to reply, his finger moves to rest on your lips to prevent you from speaking. "And when we finish the lesson, invite me to watch 'Twilight' tonight and ask me out on a proper date. I'm not a fan of indirects."
"And what if I already have plans tonight?" you comment, gently withdrawing the hand that prevents you from speaking. Seishu smiles without taking his eyes off yours. His eyes reflect, for the first time in a long time, happiness. Your fingers interlace with his and his thumb caress your hand instantly.
"Then," leaning in close to your ear, you feel his breath on your ear. You love the smell of his shampoo "now you have better ones."
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seleniangnosis · 1 year
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What's coming your way ?
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Shortly, this pac will address something that you can expect to take fo or place in the near future. Take what resonates and/or applies to your specific situation.
The decks I used for this reading are The Rws and The lenormand ones.
Feedback is appreciated 🤍
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Pile 1
Ace of wands, 2 of swords, The sun, The star.
The ship, the stork, the Sun, The cross.
The opportunity of starting something new is right ahead. If you've been stuck in a period of indecisiveness , now it's time to make that move. If this is not about something you want to do/ hadn't had time or possibility to start, it can also refer to a change in your mindset. If you have thought that you're procrastinating and unable to feel successful, a more prolific way to deal with setbacks in your life is coming.
Your advice here is to develop your self esteem. Be more self assured, optimistic and believe in yourself. Miracles won't manifest by themselves if your attitude is one of feeling defeated. Keep an eye out for people in your life that might bring you either support, or some good news.💌
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Pile 2
Queen of Pentacles, 6 of Wands, Page of Pentacles.
The Whip, The Moon, The Cross, The Sun, The garden.
For you pile 2, success and recognition is coming, and alternatively for some of you, rewards for all the hard work you've accomplished up to this point. I see this being related in most part about a work/ a job. It's possible that you have endured some sort of difficulties and harsh conditions at your workplace ( a manager or boss who is hard to please and picks up on everything that's not perfectly done / working extra hours etc) , but this hasn't been for nothing. You might receive some extra money OR ( again for some of you) you'll leave with all the money you've made and be successfully accepted to a new job, if that's something you've been looking for, if not this could simply represent public recognition for your work and efforts.
Your hardships are ending and you should be proud of what you've achieved. You'll be able to enjoy the " small fortune " you've made while working in harsh conditions.
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Pile 3
2 of cups, Page of Cups, Strength, 4 of swords, 8 of pentacles
The birds, the whip, the sun, the book , the ring 💍
I will not jump towards romantic relationships, because what I see is more about an improvement in your relationships with friends, colleagues or people in general. This might be an " internally driven change " , where you either look for ways of having more fulfilled communication and connections with others, or you decide work better on your skills of making friends.
Some of you might be having to deal with toxic, gossip-y people in your life, so you might start to prioritise your mental well-being and those close to you rather than please and be nice to absolutely everyone. You will develop more emotional strength, and not let yourself be put down by those who attempt to make you feel small and unimportant.
You might need to put a bit of work into learning how to distinguish genuine connections when trying to build a relationship with someone, or use the knowledge that you gathered to your advantage, in the future.
You'll be more willing to put behind what no longer works and stop sacrificing yourself.
I'd like to finally add that this can apply to a business contract as well/ connection in the business/ work world as well. You'll learn what and who isn't deserving of your time.
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mjanelupinblack · 1 month
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starving creatures | chapter two 🖤
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pairing: xu minghao x reader // jun x reader (mainly lol)
description: starving creatures have arrived at your homeland in forks. little do you know, they not only intend to drain the blood out of you... they'll also to break your heart in two.
genres: slowburn (please bare with me), fluff, angst, vampire!au
warnings: blood drinking, lot of blood related themes, repressed emotions, family issues, miscommunication, kinda toxic friendship with cheol? blood and smut will be mixed. emotionally and physically starved vampires oops. did i mentioned blood?
minors dni!!!
Check out the fic’s playlist 🖤
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CHAPTER 2
Not even two days were necessary for your neighbors to become a sensation at the school hallways. Rumors are quick travelers, as you told Joshua before. But you forgot to warn him about how easily they tend to blend with the truth. Especially when they linger around people with such an enigmatic aura, like Jun and Minghao. How maddening it is to know that they have so many adventurous stories to tell, but neither of them dares to share a word about them! How unfair to admire their beauty from afar, since they won’t come close enough for one to scrutinize their eyes. Locals get upset with strangers who refuse to comply with their requests...
That’s when fantasy starts to play its game.
Who are they? Orphans of neglectful parents. Why did they leave California? A girl accused Jun of leaving her pregnant but he’s actually not the father and she ruined his reputation and his life. Some people even say their parents kill themselves, but there’s no way of knowing the truth. So, what are they doing in Forks? Protecting each other. Trying to heal from generational trauma. Finding refuge. Surviving. And it is a heart-rending story. Minghao would do anything to protect his younger brother and the only reason why you’d find them separated from each other would be because of school… where Jun sits next to you.
And who are you? Of course, Cheol's friend, but they've never seen you around that much. That is probably because you used to miss the majority of your classes and now you don't because Jun is here, so you must be a gold digger. A freshman asserts he heard you and Cheol get into a fight because of Jun the other day. Another one is saying that your aunt is sick. But one of your classmates bets that, actually, she's a witch. So maybe you are one too. Who lives in the middle of the woods in plain XXI century anyway?
You never liked the attention. You neither want it, nor need it. It’s impractical in a town like Forks. So, during history class, you decide to confront your seatmate about it.
“I would like to know how you handle all this stuff, because it’s driving me crazy.” You say, assuming he will know exactly what you’re talking about. Most of the time, he does.
“Ignore them,” he advises. “They will find someone else.”
“You ignored them, they found me, how do you fix that?” you say. “They say I’m a witch.”
He chuckles. His usually petrified gesture gives up and breaks into a wide smile. You start laughing too, given the ridiculousness of the situation. Rumors are so dumb.
“Mr. Wen,” Professor Moon calls. “As you are so distended in my class, I’ll assume you know by heart all of the themes we’re talking about in this lesson. Please, enlighten us with your knowledge. Let’s go back to World War I. Maybe you can tell us why it was initiated.”
“That’s a tricky question, professor,” Jun answers, still cheerful. “But if you want a concrete answer, I’d go with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary.”
“Place and date?”
“Sarajevo. 1914.”
“You said a concrete answer. Let’s go with the wider one.”
“I’ll have to ask you to be more specific about it. What do you want me to talk about? The alliance system? Economic factors? Nationalism? I can go on all day.”
Well, well, well… If someone had told you Jun would’ve been so thrilled about playing trivia with Professor Moon, you wouldn’t believe them.
“That’s enough, kid.”
After that, he comes back to your conversation.
“You could be a witch, you know?”
“Sorry?”
Before he can say anything, Jun stops himself.
“Nothing,” he answers. “It’s a compliment.”
•••
Minghao avoids discussing the details about the night he got turned. As for most of his kind, it’s a sensitive topic; no one wants to remember the moment they lost their right to die.
He hardly discusses the topic with Jun. Primarly because his brother was the sole reason he ventured into this sick lifestyle.
After a century of consumption, it would be easy to believe that Minghao would have grown accustomed to replacing his bitter coffee with morning packs of blood, but that isn’t the truth. The heavy liquid turns his stomach the same as the first time he tasted it. However, after all these years, the feeling comes hand in hand with the pleasure of satiety and the twisted desire for it not to come from an animal, but from a palpitating neck.
An unthinkable notion that no one dares to speak out loud, leaving Minghao feeling horrible about it.
Joshua tries to reassure him. He says that, in terms of nutrients and structure, pig blood is the most similar to human blood. They’ll have to endure it for a couple of months, at least until Vernon gains the trust of the hospital staff and it becomes easier to sneak out some bags of human blood.
Minghao envies Josh’s lack of interest in human nourishment. Many times he tried to free himself from his appetite, but his instincts won every battle, obliging him to succumb to hospital blood. His instincts are stronger and also wiser than he is. Nevertheless, he tries to suppress them every chance he gets. He does so by exercising, or perhaps painting. He no longer dances because he found movement is a catalyst that, sooner or later, will make his needs erupt like a volcano. So he replaced it with painting, meditation and pottery.
Given the circumstances, his knowledge as a nurse is only a remote memory.
“Hi.”
He’s grown accustomed to suffocating his desires to the point where he completely forgot how to experience them. You, on the other hand, aren’t quite as skilled at concealing your emotions.
“You’re Minghao, right?”
Minghao answers without ceasing his task. With his upper body unclothed, you find him outside his house, leaning over his pottery wheel, his clay-stained arms embracing the wet piece as if it were a long-awaited lover. A wave of heat quickly flushes your cheeks. Your neighbor stares at you, likely curious about the reason for your interruption. He’s used to being interrupted while working. Encountering a nearly naked man in the middle of the forest isn't something you can claim to be accustomed to, on the other hand.
“Sorry for interrupting. Have you seen a white cat?” You ask, with a jar of sardines in your hand.
“Cotton ball-like fluffy, with a black spot on his left eye…”
“Sorry, I’m afraid not,” Minghao answers. “What’s his name?”
“Cat,” You say, a bit embarrassed of your thirteen years old self. “Just cat.”
“I’ll let you know if I find Cat then.”
“Great! I’ll keep looking. Thanks.”
As much as you’d love to continue chatting with Minghao about anything —truly anything— else, your lack of creativity doesn’t stop at your difficulty to name your pet. He continues working on the edges of his raw ceramic vase; fingers sticky from the wet paste he tries to stick the handles with. You don’t have the heart —nor the ideas— to interrupt him once again. And that’s when your seatmate comes to save the day.
“You’re not going anywhere, y/n,” Jun says, appearing next to you like a magician mesmerizing everyone with the trick of teleportation. “I mean… not alone. Especially with a storm coming. Where are your manners, brother?”
“Shouldn’t you be studying or something?”
“Get your ass off that wheel and help us look for the pet. One cup less isn’t gonna hurt anyone.”
“It’s a vase.”
“Honestly, I couldn’t care less.”
You thought he’d be harder to convince, but as soon as Jun orders it, his brother stops the wheel and puts on the t-shirt he was sitting on. Minghao's resistance to the cold weather impresses you. His muscles don’t even flinch at the freezing breeze coming from the north.
“A penny for your thoughts?” your neighbor teases.
“You’re so annoying.”
•••
It was a huge mistake not to get rid of that mirror the moment they got it.
There was no use for it in the middle of the living room. But there was also no reason to keep it in the basement, as Vernon had insisted. It usually wasn’t pleasant to get into a discussion with his friend. So, as he attended his interview to get a job at the town’s hospital, Joshua found himself following his orders and carrying the furniture down the stairs and to the basement.
The material it was made of felt unbelievably heavy, even for a human-fed vampire. Like Sisyphus, Joshua repeated the same routine until he reached the cellar; going down two steps, stopping abruptly, and trying to catch his breath before continuing.
When he finally reaches the ground, he understands the reason behind Seungkwan’s little present. And he’s grateful that Vernon is not there to see it.
In front of him, he finds his own image. First young, like he hadn’t seen it in more than a hundred years, and then gradually rotting until his skin starts to detach from his cheeks. So that’s the infamous Life Mirror. There are very few in the world, and Joshua never thought he’d get to see himself in one. The more you mesmerize yourself at your young image, the more crudely it’s going to show you the reality of your soul. Joshua used to believe it was just a myth from the vampire folklore. But he should’ve known better. Myths tend to be history for the immortals.
“Son of a bitch.”
That's the last straw. Joshua doesn't care about Vernon's instructions when the Boo Family's welcome was, in fact, a declaration of war—a war they're not ready to fight, nor would they be even if they wanted to. Years of weakened minds and bodies are not so easy to recover, not even with a gallon of fresh blood.
He needs to destroy that mirror before his friend comes home. But his knuckles aren’t strong enough to do it, and the hammer is near Minghao’s workspace, who’s most definitely going to be curious about the reason behind his urgency. As a temporary measure, he decides to throw an old blanket over the structure.
He needs air.
Outside, the ground shakes with the wind. Minghao is no longer at his station, yet the piece he was working on lies unfinished over the wheel. Rain will catch it any second, converting it into a liquid vestige of what could’ve been a beautiful plant vase. That’s an odd behavior from him. Where could he possibly be?
His question is quickly answered by laughter emanating from behind the lodge. Joshua follows his senses until he finds Jun and you jumping like crazy to reach one of the thickest branches of a tree.
“Stop! You’re scaring him.” You tell Jun, who insists on being the one to bring the cat back to the ground.
“Scared? No! He rubbed his head on my wrist.” Jun complains. He sounds very determined.
“Jun, Y/n is right. It’ll be better to bring a ladder. He doesn’t know you.”
“I got…I got him!”
“Wait! He’s gonna…”
Blood. Lots of it pouring from your hand. Maybe trimming your cat’s nails would’ve been a wise decision to make before throwing yourself in the territory of four very thirsty vampires. Your scent is strong, like cold pennies resting on the palm of your sweaty hands, but it is also sweet. Pig’s blood could never be that sweet. The thought of it makes Jun’s fangs start showing without him being able to notice. Minghao notices and quickly grabs your wrist. He turns you around to face him, leaving a trace of dry clay over the spot your blood flowed.
Clay and blood, intertwined.
Your heart races. Minghao's touch is both frightening and tender. He worked hard on his self-control just to be able to handle these types of situations. If you saw Jun in that state, it would be over for them.
“Are you okay?”
But now that he thinks about it, your blood smells like candy taken out of its wrapper. And it running so fast due to your nervousness releases a scent he never sensed before. One that has him dying to let go of his virtues and succumb to sin.
And Joshua notices.
“T/n! Come here, let me see.”
He rips you out of Minghao’s clutcht to check at your wound and you head inside together.
“Guys, grab the cat and come inside before it rains. T/n, does it hurt too much?”
In another scenario, you might have noticed he was trying to distract you. But right now, the spot where Minghao's hand was grabbing still feels hot and throbbing when Joshua touches your hand. It’s hard to concentrate. He gestures for you to sit on the sofa, and you comply. Not even two seconds later, he returns with a first aid kit. You can't help but contrast Minghao's firm grasp with the compassionate way Joshua is holding you while disinfecting your cut.
“You must think I’m a terrible mother,” you say, watching Joshua shake his head as he kneels in front of you to examine your hand more closely. “He’s not usually like this. I don’t know why he got so scared.”
Animals rely on their intuition. They detect danger and protect the people who love them and take good care of them. Joshua knows you’re not a terrible mother. It was Jun’s hand your cat was trying to sever.
“Don’t punish yourself,” he says. “He’s lucky to have you. It was Jun who drove him crazy.”
“He was so nice though, trying to help me,” you hiss at the strong liquid Joshua pours over your skin. “Do you think Hao is okay? His eyes went all weird when he looked at the scratch.”
“What do you mean, weird?”
“I don’t know, dark? I think it disgusted him.”
Thank goodness you think that, among all the things Minghao’s look could have made you think.
“Oh… Yes. Hao can’t stand blood. There’s no wonder he refuses to become a doctor.”
“He doesn’t need to. He’s so talented in ceramics.”
“He is. He will appreciate it if you tell him. Do you see all of the pots and vessels in the house? They’re all his work. Minghao is an artist, he’s always been.”
He truly is. The fact that the piece he was working on has already lost its shape due to the rain makes you feel sad and guilty about interrupting him. You're amazed at how your neighbor achieved most of the patterns and textures. They highlight the house, once yours, with the sparkle you thought it would never regain after your uncle’s death. It’s fascinating to realize that Minghao’s mind is so vibrant with colors.
“You don’t stay behind,” you say to Joshua, as he bandages your now disinfected hand. “Suddenly it doesn’t even hurt.”
“You are too kind,” he answers, smiling shyly while he stands on his feet. “I appreciate the compliment. But I hope I never have to display my skills on you again.”
“Sorry. I’ll pay you next time.”
It’s heartwarming to make him laugh. Before making the comment, you had a hunch that Joshua would crack a smile if you told him something along those lines. His smile is not only kind, but also genuine. It makes you wonder how many of the ones you were given before might have been only half as sincere.
“God, no, t/n,” he answers. “Please just take care of yourself.”
After a few minutes of watching the storm shake the trees, a soaking wet Jun opens the door for his brother, who enters with your cat purring in his arms. You wonder if your eyes are deceiving you. Cat is an animal of strong character and delicate temper. Yet, he sleeps like a baby in your neighbor's embrace, as if he has been charmed into tranquility.
“He liked Hao best,” Jun explains, with his hands on his waist. “I don’t care. I’m not a cat person anyways… Now, who’s making dinner?”
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⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ ⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ ⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
Heyyyyyy let’s play a game. I write and you tell me how many taylor’s songs possible references you find ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ (there’ll be many lol)
Taglist: @90s-belladonna @milopenne @angel-ishere @cheiyoma @hipsdofangirl
⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ ⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ ⋆˚☆˖°⋆。° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
masterlist | next chapter (soon)
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dk-ghostmachines · 4 months
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i gotta talk about FourDogs
I really do. 'Cause I posted a lil' passive-aggressive hot take a few days ago, but this is Tumblr not TikTok. Here we can have our 60-second hot takes and eat our long essays too. Kipperlilly Copperkettle was introduced as a rival in episode 3, after which there were a number of posts criticizing The Bad Kids' response to her, labeling it disproportionately mean at best and bullying at worst. I think that's an unfair reading of that interaction and I'm gonna talk about why.
Now, I'll be the first to admit that it's parasocial as fuck over here and The Bad Kids are my personal best friends actually, so where necessary I'll do my best to separate the ((loyalist ride-or-die-bad-boys-for-lyfe emotional reactions)) from the actual points I'm trying to make.
((That being said, the fuck was FourDogs talking about? Y'know? Like what was she on about, for real?))
Here's what's true: over the course of their time at Aguefort, three adults directly related to The Bad Kids - Jawbone, Gorthalax, and Gilear - have been instated as faculty or staff. And if I'm a third-party, especially another student, then for sure. It's giving nepotism, it's giving cronyism, and I'm drinking my Haterade about it every morning. But favoritism is about treatment. It's about actions, rewards, benefits - and ma'am, if you're gonna levy a charge like that, I'm afraid you're gonna need receipts!
What actual benefits have The Bad Kids received from the school that is not available to other students? In freshman and sophomore year, The Bad Kids get detention like anybody else, they don't make it on the Bloodrush team, Gorgug in particular was always not doing great in Barbarian class, they take their midterms, they have to complete the big 60%-of-the-grade spring break project, etc. And now this year, Fig is getting punished for not going to class, Kristen is getting consequences specific to being a kid with ADHD who doesn't live at home anymore, Gorgug's still getting the literal opposite of favoritism from Porter, and Riz, Adaine, and Fabian are all getting the treatment from professors that is proportional for historically successful students in good academic standing.
((And someone else brought this up but, re:that 60%-of-the-grade project, miss ma'am, what were you doing in the Far Haven Woods?? In addition to saving the world again, The Bad Kids endured borderline psychological torture for their final grade, while the Buttcrushers got to step on bugs in the neutral zone??? But they're the privileged ones, no, for sure))
Whether or not saving the world is as big a deal in-universe as it would be in our real world is up for debate. Brennan said it was an outstanding feat in the scope of student adventuring at Aguefort to consistently complete Class B and C quests, but then, when TBK comes back from Hot Yorb Summer everyone acts like they went on a class trip to Six Flags. Either way, unearned success is the wiiiiiildest claim to lay at the feet of consistent world-savers.
Freshmen year it was the Helioic Fundamentalist Apocalypse and the Emperor of the Red Wastes. Sophomore year it was the Nightmare King and the Night Yorb. They've saved the whole school, they've saved specific students at the school. They My Little Pony-ed Ragh, one of the biggest actual bullies Aguefort had, and then Fabian killed toxic masculinity! Even if the favoritism was in the room with us, would it not be the natural result of all this hero shit??? Aguefort hasn't done The Bad Kids any favors he wouldn't do for the rest of the student body, but even if he had I'd get it because KRISTEN APPLEBEES SNUCK HIM INTO HEAVEN AND THEN BROUGHT HIS ASS BACK TO LIFE.
Again, maybe not remarkable in a world where Revivify is just a thing you can learn, but y'know! Shit!! Diamonds aren't free!!
Also FourDogs' whole tone of disdain for the "eccentricity" of Arthur Aguefort's administrative decisions truly boggles the mind, because we found out in freshmen year that he has some kind of mass Power Word over the government of Solace that allows the students of his school to do crimes, AND in sophomore year he has that auto-call-ex-machina that students can evoke when they're in danger overseas. His "eccentricity" is the reason the school can function at all, put some respect on man's name.
Now, let's get word-perfect.
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That's the American Psychological Association.
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And that's StopBullying.gov, which is managed by the Department of Health and Human Services.
Here's what's true. At moment 00:00 of their relationship, Kristen said something pretty freakin' mean to Kipperlilly for an audience of her friends with like, no provocation.
Kipperlily then revealed that she has based her entire campaign around addressing the perceived privilege that "some students" have under Arthur Aguefort's rules. And THEN, Jawbone revealed that Kipperlilly had been snooping around asking questions about Kristen's relationships with her god and trying to get general dirt on The Bad Kids. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE, in the preview for episode 6, we get Murph's line of "Kipperlilly's team is trying to get us kicked out of school".
Does that excuse the thing Kristen said ((yes it was hilarious)), no. Not at all. She didn't know that stuff, Kipperlilly just failed a vibe check. In the moment though, that's all it was. The Bad Kids met someone they didn't like and perceived as a threat, and Kipperlilly had something mean said to her by people she already didn't like and already wants to see brought down. While she was not threatening them in that moment, Kipperlilly is a threat. She's not a victim, she is an equal with opposing goals. And now that Ruben has the song of the summer, The Buttcrushers are probably just as popular as The Bad Kids. There is no greater imbalance, they're just adversaries.
Ultimately, Kipperlilly's got them fucked up. But she's a kid. Kids are allowed to get shit fucked up and misdirect their anger at systemic unfairness. TBK are also kids and well within their rights to feel what they felt when Four Dogs walked up with self-righteous vibes and started yappin about academic privilege in what is already the most academically stressful year of their lives.
As the audience, we not only know all the shit TBK has gone through that Kipperlilly does not, we also are aware of how Brennan is introducing her in the story. As soon as he brings her into the scene, you know what's up. The voice he gives her, the tone, the actual things he's saying - if you watch everyone's face after the line about favoritism gets dropped it's the culmination of the whole interaction. Oh, she's our enemy, like our specific enemy and her team is coming for us, specifically.
So what do we gain from ignoring all that? From ignoring the JUICE of this rivalry and flattening it into "the bad kids were mean :/". I actually love Kipperlilly, the rivalry is giving and I love feeling big emotions and getting to use angry, feral, fandom language. FourDogs, can't wait to see you next week, and I can't wait to read the 40k word, FourDogsxKristen, enemies-to-lovers fics. And y'know, shout out to all the people who kin her because she found the rogue teacher, it's pretty goated, I won't lie.
But also. Bad Kids Supremacy. Buttcrushers, stay mad.
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transmascutena · 4 months
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what do you think about the incestuous relationships in revolutionary girl utena, and the root causes of the abuse? one of my favorite analyses I've read so far talked about how rape and incest aren't deviant, they are an extension of the patriarchal family unit. And do you have any thoughts/analysis about how it specifically manifests in RGU and the way the narrative communicates these themes?
It's so annoying the way some people act like the incest is just regular brother and sister complexes that's common in a lot of anime, and not an integral part of the show's themes about the Family fostering an environment ripe for abuse. The show treats these heavy themes seriously, and I wish I was smart enough to articulate my thoughts about Miki and Kozue, Anthy and Akio, etcetera. Hence, this ask.
Jsjsksks I know I sent an ask just yesterday about Revolutionary Girl Utena, but your analysis is so cohesive, and I really appreciate you bringing family/marriage abolition and amato-normativity into your analysis posts. It's very affirming to me as an aromantic asexual.
thank you so much! i will admit i also have a hard time putting my thoughts about these themes into words, because they are . a lot, so forgive me if this is a little rambl-y. but they are a huge and very important part of the show, so they're important to talk about.
i think i know the analysis you're talking about, and it's spot on. every kind of abuse we see in the show is a product of The System (patriarchy, the school system, the nuclear family, etc.) that's not to say that the abuse isn't purposeful, or that it doesn't often come from people choosing to do harm, but their ability to cause that harm is facilitated by these systems. for example, the system is not forcing akio to do what he does (although it is the reason he knows it will get him what he wants) it is just giving him the tools to do it effectively. abuse does come from people, but the systems are what makes the abuse so effective, and that's why we need to dismantle them.
this is something i've mentioned before, but a big part of why anthy was so trapped in her situation until the end, is because of the expectation to value family above all else, and to always love and forgive them no matter how they hurt us. and that is the reason why incest is so inherently toxic and abusive. it's not that it's "gross and unnatural" (such rhetoric really only serves to hurt and alienate victims anyway) it's that you cannot ever have a healthy relationship in a framework that tells you that you always have to stay with someone, and forgive someone, and love someone, no matter what. it doesn't matter if there's no age gap (seen in the kaoru twins) to create other kinds of power imbalances and it doesn't matter if they're not actually related by blood (seen in nanami thinking touga isn't her "real" brother, and in touga trying to use that against her.)
i've talked about how all this affects utena as well, and how even the state of not having a family makes you vulnerable to it, here.
it's not that siblings (or other family members) are more likely to be abusive people, but when they are, it is a lot harder to escape said abuse. leaving a regular abusive relationship is already incredibly difficult, but if they're you're family, it's even easier to fall into the mindset of "oh, but they really just want the best for me." when you've been taught that family is the most important thing in the world, leaving them is a huge decision. especially if you rely on them for material needs as well, like housing and food (which also happens a lot in romantic relationships and marriages.) there's also the way that with sibling incest in particular, especially if there isn't a big age gap, the victim will often be made to feel complicit in the abuse, either by their abuser or by society at large. like it's something "weird and taboo" that two people are doing together, rather than the abuse it really is.
that last part definitely manifests in the show, with the victim-blaming anthy recieves. from nanami especially. her desire to prove that she's "not like anthy" comes from an understandable place. she's dealing with figuring out that her feelings for her brother weren't what she thought they were, but it ends up with her putting equal amounts of blame on akio and anthy for the abuse she witnessed, even though there is a clear perpetrator (not helped by nanami already disliking and distrusting anthy.) it's clearest, i think, when she refers to them as "those perverted siblings" to utena.
it's funny (it's not) that this kind of thinking even manages to happen in the fandom itself. anthy is obviously not a perfect passive victim, and it's reductive of her character to say so, but the idea that she is as much an active participant in the abuse as akio is, is a take i have seen too many times for comfort. like, congrats, you fell for the exact kind of thinking that the show was trying to critique!
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silentcryracha · 11 months
Text
❍ ‗ What type of songs Skz would write about you ‗ ❍
Pairings : Stray Kids x reader
Genre/warnings : headcanons, possible use of swear words, mentions of intimacy, mentions of sad feelings and breakups
Summary : What type of songs I think Stray Kids members would write about their relationships
Word count : 1.7k
A/n : these are general headcanons that are described more in a technical way than a fictional one, so yeah
ps: There could be errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Chan ‗ ❍
Holy trinity: agsty, fun, horny
Chan seems like the man who would gain inspiration from strong feelings that he may experience.
The man has range and is talented af so of course he'd be able to write anything, BUT
My idea is that he'd be more inclined to write about angsty feelings ranging from sadness, maybe regret. He wouldn't specifically write about you or describe you as a person or your features, those are for him only to appreciate, or in this case, to miss. I think he'd write down his feelings, whether it's plain sadness and longing, or something stronger like regret, or unspoken things.
But he could also be really inspired by the thrill and 'primal' feeling that comes with the start of a relationship, or even a little earlier when it's the 'chasing' moment before getting together. He'd write about how he's absolutely whipped and stupid in love for you, but in the 'fun' way, not in the 'sad' way.
Both the angst and the fun could (and probably would) be mixed with some horniness, absolutely. He could write about how mad you make him and how fucking desperate he is for a taste of you. Again, this could be applied in a more fun and lighthearted song, like a honeymoon phase, or to a darker more 'toxic' context.
Minho ‗ ❍
A delicate story about romance in all its shades
I feel like Minho would keep the lyrics very vague, but still mainly focus on the other person, more than write about this own feelings. While Chan seems more the type to write a 'letter' type of lyrics, I think Minho would be more of a 'storyteller'.
He'd probably write more chill lyrics, never being raunchy or explicit, but could very well imply intimacy in a more subtle way. In a poetic way, if you will.
I do think that he'd give his best with romantic songs, though. He may not look like it at first glance, but Lee Minho is a romantic and you will not change my mind.
I could see him writing lyrics with a lot of artistic/literature/media influence. Which ties back with the whole 'storyteller' thing. They wouldn't be overly complex as in words choice though, they'll need to be simple and delicate with a perfect melody to accompany them. Maybe some technical or production related tricks (like the 'suspense' at the end of limbo)
The same exact style would apply for more angsty or sad songs. I find him similar to Chan in this aspect in the sense that he'd write about sad, depressing and heart wrenching feelings more than angry or vengeful ones. He'd also probably do it in a 'therapeutic' way, like writing down the last chapter of a story that will be finally be closed and locked away in his memories.
He could also write some more 'fun' songs but I think that they wouldn't be necessarily about romantic relationships. But who knows?
Changbin ‗ ❍
About you, about me, about us
Changbin is another master in the craft of composing and writing, which means that he'd be able to switch povs pretty easily in whatever story he wanted to tell, or even change the style of the narration itself.
He could write about any topic he wanted to be honest, and his rapping and freestyling abilities are probably a big help in that sense, but let's focus on romance now.
Bin looks like someone who cherishes a lot his personal life and feelings, which is why it would be harder to find lyrics in which he directly puts himself as the narrator. But it does happen sometimes, and it's usually a cry for help. May be a pleading to someone that left him, an apology to someone he hurt.
Usually though I feel like he's more the one to pick a specific feeling/situation and elaborate on it. Might be a specific argument, the way that a breakup happened, the mistakes that led to said breakup. In this case he would write openly, like he wants the person in question to hear him out through his music.
His lyrics wouldn't be adorned with pretty words or poetic comparisons, but only with real and raw feelings that will pull at your heartstrings for how honest they sound.
Hyunjin ‗ ❍
Straight out of a literature piece
Hyunjin *say it with me*, is a romantic. Yes, that's the key to understanding him, pretty much.
He is a lover, through and through. A lover of art, beauty, emotions, memories, of love itself. This is why I think that any lyrics that he may write will be almost like a dance of words, melodies, instruments, and feelings. He wants to put his feelings down because they overwhelm him.
With each of his songs he seems like he wants to curate every aspect to the T, almost as if he was creating his own little work of art. He wants it to be evocative, to make you feel what he does, and will do it with different tools such as poetical lyrics, a particular choice of instruments, and even the tone of his voice.
Ironically, I think that the more he'd have to 'hide', the more complex and embellished the lyrics would be. He could do a song with quite simple but direct lyrics, and sing it in an energetic way, almost desperate way, like he can't wait to shout out to the person he loves. Almost like a movie/book scene in which the love interest finally confesses their love.
The thing with Hyunjin seems to be that he enjoys writing about angsty feelings. Something that could be a problem of communication within the relationship, or confusion by getting mixed signals from someone, or again with a dangerous attraction for someone who isn't right for him but still manages to 'lull' him into this toxic relationship.
In both cases I think that he'd use a lot of artistic or maybe visually eliciting comparisons in his lyrics, playing with words and the emotions that those elicit in people.
Jisung ‗ ❍
Let it out, angsty boy
I really feel like Han writes when he doesn't find any other way out, so whatever it is it's likely to be explosive.
He's gonna write lyrics that scream how much he's wrapped around your finger, how your love is essentially all he needs to live and that you could do whatever you wanted with him because he's yours. Would be very smart in writing a whole story about it, mentioning mundane things and then ranging to use metaphors and abstract comparisons to let his explosive emotions through.
I feel like he could write out of frustration too, which would bring lyrics with a different tone to them. Whatever he feels must and will be reflected in the song. If the sentiment is cold, sharp and toxic, the producing part of the song will reflect that as much as his own intonation. If it was a cry for help, a prayer almost, you'd be able to feel it through the melody and the whole structure of the song, not only the lyrics.
He's another one who desperately wants and needs for his music to be honest and to elicit the same feelings that he felt while producing it in complete detail, similar to Hyunjin.
Felix ‗ ❍
A lot of feelings and honesty
Felix has range in what he writes, but what I noticed mostly in the projects that he's been part of, is that he uses his voice a lot to set the tone of the song.
Whatever are the lyrics, his extremely adaptable voice with automatically make you understand what he was going for 'emotion' wise. This also applies to the choice of the instrumentals.
I feel like he could be writing about more romantic and wholesome feelings, in this case with lyrics that sound really clean, pure and almost dreamy, but still simple.
But he could also be writing about more gloomy feelings, mainly of sadness and 'mourning', and would probably treat the narrative as something that is already in the past but with which he still has to let go completely. His main goal I think is honesty, which is why the lyrics would be quite simple but hurt where they should.
Seungmin ‗ ❍
Dreamy and emotional
I feel like he's truly someone that could make a listener go 'Oh, so he is in love LOVE' while listening to one of his songs.
The things that would inspire Seungmin the most while writing is the feeling of being in love. He'd probably be quite poetic, dreamy and transfer these vibes to the lyrics and music as well. His voice too, which is adaptable and very expressive.
He's also someone who tries to give a 'narrator' vibe to his songs, almost like he was telling a story that had a beginning and and end. He can write about pretty much anything if it has to do with love. Unrequited love, longing for someone, looking back on your shared happy memories with a hint of sadness. He is also someone who is quite honest and wants the song to represent his feelings in an almost 'dreamy' way.
Jeongin ‗ ❍
Delicate, warm and comforting
Jeongin is someone who seems more comfortable writing about delicate feelings, whether they're positive or negative. A delicate love, almost like a first love, or on the other end a sad ending to that same love.
They lyrics would be quite easy, not overly complex and aim to be as honest as they can in eliciting the same feelings that the writer felt as they thought them out. But there would be a factor of comfort and relatability to them that would pull at your heartstrings.
His voice can also be quite expressive and he knows is, which is why the intonation along with the instrumentals would be fundamental, even more than the words themselves maybe.
He'd like to take a specific feeling and make a song about it, it doesn't necessarily need to be a whole story, moral, or context. He just wants to be able to express his feelings as clearly as possible, without necessarily giving it a background. I feel like those actual moments would be very precious to him and would want to keep them private in his memory.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
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vasito-de-leche · 5 months
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I've read all of your Reverse: 1999 related posts about a hundred times already and I'm still mesmerized! I love how your writing is fluid and meticulous — all of your analysis feels so precise that it might as well be official.
I was wondering if you could write a one-shot or headcanons about Forget Me Not with a human partner, whichever you believe to be more fitting; to extend what you said in his relationship headcanons. It's such a fascinating concept... at least I think so.
If you are not feeling up to it, I beg of you to at least write some of your thoughts about this. That would make me more than happy!
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;R1999 FORGET ME NOT - Relationship Headcanons (2)
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Compilation of headcanons about Forget Me Not's relationship with a human partner. A continuation of this post.
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thank you so much for the kind words! I really love talking about blorbos so it means a lot to me that you like my work!! for this post, I went for HCs since I already wrote two FMN fics lolol
warning for abusive/toxic relationships!
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Even though this is a continuation of the first relationship post, I feel it would be nice to bring back that one point I made about Forget Me Not's potential relationship with a human or mixed - just so everyone knows the themes this post will dwelve into!
The way I see it, all of Forget Me Not's relationships naturally lean towards unhealthy and dysfunctional dynamics, regardless of his partner's status. Being a pure-blooded arcanist only means you're simply trading a specific set of problems for different ones.
So when it comes to humans (note, humans, not mixed - that's a whole different can of worms) Forget Me Not is at his worst. After all, you represent everything that he sees wrong with this world, he's conflicted and torn between his hatred and his love.
He's a difficult character to grasp, but it's clear that he's fully dedicated to Manus Vindictae's goals, as they align with his own unique set of experiences and emotional baggage - this means that he would need a lot of work, effort and time to reconcile with many, many things such as being in a relationship. Especially one with a human. And yet, I don't think it's impossible for him to grow and change as a person.
On the subject of Forget Me Not's mentality towards a human partner.
I want to stress the fact that Forget Me Not is, above all, a cowardly man - it's easier for him to act behind the scenes and react accordingly than to be upfront and confrontational.
He's manipulative, but not controlling.
And one can argue that manipulation is just a different type of control, I agree! But I feel there's a bit more of nuance in this context. Compare characters like Arcana or Constantine to Forget Me Not - the former use manipulation as a means to an end, it's just one of the many tools they can employ to maintain their control over their respective groups. But they have other ways to remain on top. Forget Me Don't doesn't have anything else. When it comes to Forget Me Not, his manipulation comes across as the single thing he can do to win, or turn the tides to his favour, even if it means winning by the smallest of margins. Chances are he's already mentally prepared himself for the worst, anyway.
This originates from the fact that he's fully accepted the fact that he's inferior, that the universe will constantly try to undermine and step all over him, dealing the worst hand for him over and over - so for someone like him to win, he needs to outsmart and pull the strings from behind the scenes, to cheat at a system that could never allow him to get his way. Hence all the emphasis on his two-faced and contrasting themes (a snake in the grass, waiting to reveal itself. a docile and put together bartender, controlling the flow of the market, etc).
Why do I bring this up? Because when it comes to something as unfamiliar and daunting as falling in love with a human, Forget Me Not doesn't have it in him to even take the first step or decide how he even wants to approach the situation. He knows he's already at a disadvantage, and so he defaults to manipulating.
A lot of his behaviour is heavily dependant on your personality and the way you see his actions. Again, it's much easier for him to adapt like this than to confront why he's having so much problems admitting he might've caught feelings for you.
Basically, this is a lot of text to give some insight to why he manipulates you. It's not done out of the desire to control and dictate your every move, your every thought, let alone mold and/or break you into a more ideal partner - Forget Me Not can barely take responsibility for his own life, don't expect him to do that with yours. He does it because he's very sad, pathetic and desperate, that's about it!
His view on love is also an important thing to discuss in this specific point - in the first post I talked about how Forget Me Not is quick to catch feelings, he falls hard and fast. This still applies despite everything I just mentioned.
In the context of this relationship, love and hate simply go hand in hand to the point where he cannot tell one from the other.
He latches onto you like a parasite because you're the only person who seems to care for him or give him the time of day. As negative or harmful as his interactions with you could be, he's addicted to your presence.
If his partner is oblivious to his actions and ties with Manus Vindictae.
I decided it's easier for me to just tackle all the big possibilities, so here we go!
This is possibly the best outcome for Forget Me Not, a partner who is entirely oblivious to his unpleasant sides and morally corrupt actions. It doesn't even matter what your opinion on Manus Vindictae and their goals might be, because you don't know he's related to any of it! This way, he doesn't have to unpack any of those complex feelings and thoughts, nor think too hard on the fact that you're a human - who cares? You're not tainted with all that unnecessary knowledge.
And this would also allow him to continue living in denial, to indulge in a delusional fantasy in which he gets to be happy without putting any sort of work into being a better man. It's perfect for him!
The top priority is to keep you in the dark, and he'll do pretty much anything to make sure you never find out anything that could paint him in a negative light. If he could edit his own files - the ones that the Foundation had - to erase all traces of his past, then he would have no problem gaslighting, lying and playing all these mind games so that you only focus on how loving and doting he is as a partner. All while telling himself that he's simply protecting and shielding you from the horrors of the truth, that he doesn't want you to deal with the stress.
Forget Me Not could continue with this façade for years, presenting his best, most gentlemanly persona to you. It's easier for him to be vulnerable, to allow scarce moments of quiet, gentle intimacy, now that he has a way to excuse his actions.
I'd say that the only thing that could ruin it is, as usual, his own mind. He's the one who took all these precautions into maintaining the fantasy of a perfectly normal relationship, and yet he'll start spiraling into depression over that exact same thing. What if you were faking these feelings all along too? He made you fall in love with a fake version of himself because there's no way you'd love the real thing, etc etc.
Depending on how long you two might've been dating, I can see him choosing to disappear from your life without even saying goodbye. One day, he's just gone and he makes sure that you cannot find nor follow him. Alternatively, he can fall victim to the usual impulses and confess everything he's been hiding, to scare you away and see how you'd react to the truth.
If his partner is aware of his actions and ties to Manus Vindictae, while being very vocal against it.
This dynamic is the one that absolutely leans heavily into a very codependent, toxic mindset. The relationship itself makes no sense: you're a human, therefore someone who Forget Me Not resents and loathes. And he's a member of Manus Vindictae, a group you recognize as extremely dangerous and biased, rejecting all of their ideals.
And yet, you two stick together exactly because of that. Whether you have good intentions (wanting to fix him, save him, what have you) or not, it doesn't matter because Forget Me Not will instantly assume that you're exactly like him: you want someone who sees you for who you are.
Knowing that you openly disapprove of everything that he does and says is addictive, as he's spent a good chunk of his life concealing all of these aspects. Knowing that someone sees him in his totality, without turning away, without fear, it gets to his head pretty quickly. You're the only one who knows him and you continue to stand up to him, all while claiming that you care for him - Forget Me Not eats that shit up. It's a type of affection he's never been shown.
But the more you call him out on his bullshit, the more you attempt to help or challenge him, the more Forget Me Not will sink into Manus Vindictae's mindset - because he loves to see you put so much effort into a lost cause like him. His manipulation tactics are used to make you believe, just for a moment, that you can truly change him for the better. He pretends to breakdown, to reconsider his lifestyle, just so you don't feel disheartened and continue pushing him.
In the previous post, I said that Forget Me Not would get a little unhinged around his crush - this also applies here, but on a much bigger scale. Everything he does is a cry for attention, he wants you to witness everything and still come back to him every night.
Given how self-destructive Forget Me Not can be, he would never think of ending the relationship. It doesn't matter if you begin to pose a threat to Manus Vindictae or The Walden or whatever, he'd gladly give up everything he's worked for if it means having his life ruined by your hands.
If his partner is aware of his actions and ties to Manus Vindictae, but supports him wholeheartedly.
One would think that having a supportive partner who encourages Forget Me Not to never change and to commit as many crimes as he wants as long as he has fun, would be a dream come true - but he's much too paranoid to accept this reality, always expecting to have the rug pulled from under him the second his guard is down.
Now, when I say "support" I mean a lot of things! From truly siding with Manus Vindictae and hating humans as well, to simply being there for Forget Me Not no matter what - as usual, it's up to you!
Your never-ending kindness throws him in for a loop and he channels all that energy into figuring you out. What do you get out of this? Forget Me Not wants to know the catch, and he grows more and more vulnerable each time you show him that there's no catch - you just love him, that's it. All of him, scales and all. At his worst and at his best.
Confronting the antithesis of everything he's believed in is difficult, but overtime I think Forget Me Not would slowly reconsider things - if you, a human, coud love him so earnestly regardless of his constant hatred and bitterness towards the rest of your peers, well... Maybe he can learn a thing or two from you.
This dynamic is the most confusing, however, as Forget Me Not will be clinging onto you like his life depends on it only to keep you at arms' length, emotionally and physically, for the next few weeks. A lot of back and forth between those contrasting aspects, cold and hot, love and hate - but this is good because it's a sign that he's reconsidering things, that he can't just make up his mind with a half-assed excuse. Here, Forget Me Not lacks that conviction and confidence from the previous two points, he doesn't know how to get the upperhand when faced against such brutal, honest love.
His manipulation tactics come across as a half-hearted attempt to get you to slip up or to distract you from the fact that he's losing his edge. Forget Me Not relies on his distant and intimidating persona to operate, but none of that works on you, and so he attempts to keep up the façade to make himself look cruel and heartless.
I think this is when you get to see Forget Me Not at his most pathetic and saddest self - the way he's been lying to himself and to the world for years, how hard he tries to have power to make up for the fact that he has any substance as a person. How afraid he is of letting you in his life because by doing so, he'll have to step out of his bubble and face the consequences of his actions.
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bblovetarot · 5 months
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{୭} What do you need to release?
ʚ ═══・୨ꕤ୧・═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══・୨ꕤ୧・═══ ɞ 
. ༄paid readings . ༄
。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.
。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't! 
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Pile 1
Pile 1, it seems like you've been caught up in overthinking a recent relationship that ended, questioning the reasons behind it and reflecting on patterns in your love life. The recurring theme of meeting similar types of people and relationships not lasting has caused you anxiety, potentially affecting your sleep schedule. Some of you may be asking, "Why do I always attract the same kind of relationships, and why don't they last?" The universe is urging you to step out of your head and ground yourself. For some, you may already have answers, while others might still be seeking clarity. Balancing feminine (heart) and masculine (mind) energies is crucial for clear thinking. Meditation, journaling, reading, music, dance, and yoga are all ways to ground yourself. Finding what resonates best for you is important. For many in Pile 1, a spiritual awakening has occurred, particularly related to relationships. A mother wound may have impacted your relationships, leading to an insecure attachment style. For those unfamiliar with attachment styles, researching this aspect can provide valuable insights into your behaviors and patterns. This moment is transformational for you, Pile 1. While it may feel daunting, remember that the universe supports you. Seeking the guidance of a therapist could be beneficial if you feel overwhelmed. Releasing the fear you've been holding onto is a crucial step, and for many of you, it seems like you've already begun this process. As you release fear, an important decision awaits you. This decision has the potential to lead to more committed and fulfilling relationships, especially if that's what you desire. In a broader sense, this decision will positively impact your long-term future. To make clear-headed decisions, finding balance within yourself is essential. If you're seeking change, trust in the process, be patient, and believe in yourself and the support of the universe.
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Pile 2
Pile 2, it's time to release the grip you have on a past relationship or someone you still harbor feelings for. Whether you are currently separated or entertaining thoughts of reconciliation, the universe is urging you to let go of the idea that this person is a "twin flame" or "soulmate." The relationship left you feeling hurt and possibly betrayed, and you might have shed tears over it. If you've been repressing these emotions, it's essential to confront them and allow yourself to feel. Memories of this person or past relationships may resurface, and you may feel ashamed or try to push them away. However, avoidance won't release these emotions; it merely suppresses them, waiting for an opportunity to resurface. Take the time to sit with your emotions, allow yourself to feel, and if needed, give yourself permission to cry. If you've been using distractions or toxic coping mechanisms to avoid the pain, it's time to release those patterns. There's a strong emphasis on avoiding reckless behaviors in this pile. Overindulging in risky actions, overspending, or excessive self-sacrifice without proper boundaries will only lead to more despair in the long run. Spirit advises caution and encourages you to look before you leap. Reckless actions might provide temporary relief but won't contribute to long-term healing. For those still entangled in this situation, the universe prompts self-reflection. Are you being fair to yourself? Are you living in alignment with your true happiness? It's time to release old patterns and people from your life. The universe is guiding you towards a different path, and this requires a leap of faith. Trust in yourself, listen to your heart, and believe in your ability to make the right decisions. While the mind may deceive with doubts and insecurities, your heart and intuition hold the truth about what you truly deserve, want, and need in your life. Trust in your inner guidance and take the necessary leaps when the time comes. If it means leaving certain people behind, don't let that hold you back. Some individuals are not meant to follow us on our life's journey, and new connections will emerge to enrich your path.
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Pile 3
Pile 3, it seems that you've been putting a considerable amount of effort into something, whether it's related to work or a relationship. However, despite your hard work, it has reached a point where things feel stagnant or unfulfilling. You might have wished for success, but now that it's here or hasn't arrived, you find yourself detached from the outcome and even apathetic. The universe is signaling that it's time to release whatever has become stagnant or stale. This release is not meant to be permanent, but rather a temporary break. The guidance is to take a step back, surrender to the situation, and refrain from making impulsive decisions. Continuing to push forward without a break might lead to burnout. There's a need for you to sacrifice the urge to take immediate action and instead focus on surrendering to the circumstances. Allow yourself to take a break and be in the energy of receiving. The universe suggests a period of rest and relaxation to rejuvenate your mind and spirit. If taking a vacation is possible, consider doing so, as it could be a healing experience. It's revealed that you've been overworking, possibly influenced by competition or external pressures, which has led to feelings of depression and a lack of motivation. Now that this phase has passed, surrendering and giving yourself the space to rest will allow the chaos in your mind to subside. By embracing the energy of receiving, you'll find yourself in a better place. It's time to raise the white flag, take a break, and let yourself receive the positive energy and opportunities that are coming your way.
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alpaca-clouds · 6 months
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Why do "conservatives" love the middle ages so much?
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Let me talk about this one topic regarding the middle ages and how they are portrayed in pop culture, but especially how a certain subset of people are very, very loud about it. And I with that I mean conservatives, or - let's be honest - right wingers.
We all know "sword guys", right? As someone, who was for a time part of the LARP scene, I knew actually several "sword guys". Like, nerds that collect sword replicas, at times even armor replica and then spend their weekends running around and playing "medieval knight".
In of itself this is not a problem. Everyone needs a hobby, right? But... I think that sword guys are actually a good window into what is happening the entire thing with the conservatives/right-wingers and the middle ages.
See, whenever anything medieval related is released anywhere - no matter whether it is pseudo-historic or outright fantasy - there is gonna be a wholeass army of nerds who will then come along and decry all sorts of stuff that they do not like as "ahistorical".
You know. Stuff like women getting shit done, or being in a position of power. Queer people existing. Or people of color doing the same: existing.
And yes, in fact there is a whole subset of "nerds", who are very vocal about what can only be described a "mythic past". As in, a past that has never existed. This is not really a new phenomena. This is something that mostly has its origin in 19th century Europe and it is called Medievalism.
I am not really interested in going into the origins of medievalism and how it is connected partly to the romantic movement. All you need to know is, that the Nazis were really, really into it - as were other fascist movements in medieval Europe.
There is a reason for this, of course. And this is linked to one of the cores of rightwing mythologies: A very toxic nostalgia and the idealization of that mythic past. Which is, ironically, also closely linked to capitalism.
Let me explain: A core part of both conservatism and ideas that are even further right are based on the idea that they want to either conserve a status quo - or more likely return to a past status-quo. And this is something that became more attractive specifically to a certain subsect of men under capitalism.
Under capitalism most people kinda feel alienated from their work and even society. Because most people feel like there is not much use in what they do and their work is not valued in all the important ways. And let me be clear: This is true. And this was true from the very beginning of capitalism. The working class is exploited, was exploited and always will be exploited.
This is also one of the core reasons for why right wing ideologies are so attractive to certain people is, that they give them an easy scapegoat in all the minorities they are blaming for... everything. "No, the problem that you are exploited is not capitalism, it is a Jewish conspiracy!" - "No, the reason you feel so alienated is not capitalism, it is 'the woke mob'." And so on.
And here is where medievalism comes in. Because it provides these people with a fantasy for them. A time where all was right (from their point of view) and where they would have been honored and could have been heroes. A time when they would have been knights and would have saved their distressed damsel. A time at which the gays were hung or burned, in which there was no feminism and of course Black people did not yet exist.
Of course, the reality is that in the medieval times they would not have been a heroic knight, but a peasant working on the field or - if lucky - maybe a tradesman. They might have been called in to fight, but it would have been a rather miserable and not at all heroic affair.
But they want that fantasy of that past in which all of the problems, they perceive in the present, have not existed. A past, in which they would have been seen as more valuable than capitalism sees them. In which they would have been honored just for being white guys.
This is a past, that never existed. But they want to believe in it - because right wing ideologies of course do not offer them any actual solutions for their problem. Because again: Their actual problem is capitalism, and right wing propaganda exists precisely to distract from this fact.
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soudakuwunmoment · 8 months
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About Dirk's role in the downfall of DirkJake
I mentioned recently in a post that I don't like DirkJake as much as I used to, and credited that to how Jake treated Dirk before they broke up. I know it's far more popular to say the breakup was Dirk's fault, but I'm here to add my perspective, because I truly don't think this is entirely the case.
Disclaimer, I am BIASED AS SHIT. I LOVE Dirk as a character, I relate to him on many levels, and his breakup with Jake is one of those levels. I was in Dirk's place a few years ago in a near identical situation, with a partner who was dissatisfied with our relationship and refused to tell me, while simultaneously distancing from me in a way which was incredibly unhealthy. I don't hold it against him now, and neither do I hold it against Jake. Both were teenagers. Immature and scared. However, while this gives me bias, I also think it gives me a unique perspective and experience in this exact situation. I think I have a place discussing this.
So, where to start? Well, first of all, let's establish what the issue was and how it led to the breakup.
After the time skip, we see that Jake is frustrated with how clingy and overbearing Dirk is being. He is overwhelmed by the intensity of the relationship, but is too scared to say anything because he doesn't want to upset Dirk or put them on bad terms. After all, Jake DOES love Dirk, despite what many people think. Having issues with your partner does not automatically mean you don't love them. In response to Jake's distant behavior, Dirk tries especially hard to impress him, make him happy. Dirk is anxious; he has been lonely his whole life, and has loved Jake for 3 years at that point. He is finally physically close with someone who he loves and is having his feelings returned. But now he senses that he might lose that. Dirk is VERY proactive about his problems, and is notoriously a chronic overthinker. So, Dirk attempts to "mend" things. He offers adventures and treasure and tombs; Jakes favorite things. Jake doesn't see Dirk's intentions and is oblivious to how anxious he is. He doesn't read behind the lines and therefore comes to the conclusion that Dirk has just been far too clingy lately. And so, we have a vicious situation. Jake's reaction to Dirk's clinginess is to hide, and Dirk's reaction to Jake's distance is to overcompensate and be more affectionate. It's a cycle that only gets worse the longer it's left unchecked.
So how can this be solved? Communication, obviously. It's the key to healthy relationships. I feel very strongly about that.
Both parties could do to communicate their exact thoughts, but in reality, Jake is more at fault. Sure, it would help if Dirk were to express specifically that he is anxious about the relationship and that's why he's being more clingy. But realistically, Does Dirk know that? Is he self aware enough of his actions? He never makes it clear whether he is. And him saying this to Jake, while it would help, it would only get them so far. The responsibility ends up on Jake. After all, Jake is fully aware of the reason for his behavior, we KNOW this. He tells us why he is doing what he's doing. And if he were to express this to Dirk, it would not only soothe his anxiety ("I see, so Jake isn't avoiding me because he doesn't love me/there's something wrong with me") but it would also spark a conversation about what to do about their situation. Perhaps a "I will give you the space you need so long as you don't become too distant/spend time with me" from Dirk, or an "I will spend more time with you so long as you respect my wishes when I wish to be alone" from Jake. But no, they can't have this conversation, specifically because Dirk does not know WHY Jake is becoming distant. Yes, Dirk DOES know Jake wants space. He is aware of this. But he does not know WHY. This is why he is anxious; he thinks it's because of his own personality or because he is a burden or because he is "toxic" as he often describes himself. And as long as Dirk is anxious, he will become "aggressive" in his clinginess. Sure, you could say this is a negative trait of his, but it can be avoided with communication, VERY easily.
You can say the breakup is Dirks fault all you want, and yes, he plays a role. But my opinion is that if either of them were to be considered a victim of the other, Dirk was the one who suffered more as a result of Jake's refusal to communicate.
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Note
Hey hey! I've read your rules like 3 times and I think this is okay, but I'm really sorry if I missed something! Self aware Leona, Azul, and Jamil with being the favorite specifically because the reader can relate to their trauma in a way?
Eg, having a golden child sibling (Leona), having been bullied (Azul), or essentially being parentified (Jamil)
I don't think this counts under the trauma dumping rule, but again, I'm sorry if it does, or even if it's on thin ice!
It’s (at least in my eyes) not exactly trauma dumping but you are right with it being on thin ice. Some authors are a bit more sensitive than others after all. Also, I have no siblings so.. uh… I tried my best with Leona.
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Self-aware au
I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, imprisonment, murder, unhealthy relationship, family problems, obsession, stalking, manipulation
Leona Kingscholar/Azul Ashengrotto/Jamil Viper-Player is able to relate to their problems
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Oh so you also have a sibling? Never heard of the higher power of this world ever having one
With Sunset Savanna being more relaxed but still very respectfull when it comes to you he isn’t going mad over new things he learns about you (just sometimes having that happy, bubbly feeling in his chest… gross… tell him more!)
But then his Overblot happened and… yeah… you two had a talk
Would you look at that? Even otherworldly beings can have that totally healthy and absolutely not toxic comparison to their supposedly better part of their family
Leona also already stalking… uh pardon. I meant sleeping everywhere you are doesn’t help either
But now your presence is even more like warm sunlight on his skin for him
So let’s set the scene, you are walking through the garden of the school and suddenly somone pulls you into the shade of the tree just to lay their head on your lap and sleep once more
And I am not talking about a ten minutes lap… I’m talking about a four hour thingy
But hey, the air is warm, the dorm leader who declared you his pillow hair is soft like a slinghtly heavy, warm blanket and you can’t remember when you had the last time more than a few hours rest
And boom! You wake up in his room
Oh no no no. This isn’t some sort of yandere fan fic… ha…haha… but the door is unlocked and nothing else but Leona clutching onto your side in his sleep is holding you back
What did you expect? A cage in his room with you in it? Do you even know how hard it is to take care of someone imprisoned whilst having to hide that you are the person who kidnapped them?
But that doesn't mean he won’t use other means to mentally chain you to him
Always using his brother to gain your sympathy, saying that you don’t care about him…
Before you know it you are once more his pillow, combing through his hair with your fingers
But wait, isn’t he smiling? Nah, he was just disappointed a second ago…
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Prepare for the tears
No joke, this poor octopus will break down the second he hears you have been bullied like he was
Azul is already… special when it comes to you and even hearing that someone called you once a not-so-nice name will make him break down
And later on burn with passion to make a deal that is totally not shady and not life-ruining with them
Please tell him that it’s alright
That was all in the past and you are now ready to move on and just live life the good way
Also, can you hug him? For him? For me?
What can I say, after you defeated his overblot form and had that talk he started to treat you like you were made out of glass
Not like it was much better before but… I don’t know… he just does the coodeling on a whole other level
Before this Flozd liked to squeeze you and Jade to be a well-meaning meneace in your life
Over those bone crushing and mind grinding times, you are going to be well protected until you feel like you are an antique in a Museum
And if someone dares to do something to you (or rather, what Azul understands under that) then whoopsy! They are suddenly gone
No need to visit the beach any time soon. That sea foam looks suspicious…
But believe me when I tell you that you will eat the best food you ever tasted in your life, for free!
You are more to Azul than just an allknowing scholar. You are someone who understands him and he will be damned if he lets anyone treat you less than with utmost care ever again!
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Cue to Medusa popping up and getting defeated
But imagine the shock on Jamil's usual calculating face when he saw you laying a cold towel on his head just when he woke up
Why was the Overseer teding to him? A mere servant who even betrayed his own master??!
He gets even more confused when you insist on helping him after Kalim is up to his usual doings
To be honest, he is thankful
He was a bit shaky on those legs after using so much magic and you helping him is something he appreciates
But this raises the question, why do you seem so experienced in taking care of someone and helping them as well?
Oh no, Jamil won’t be so tactless to just ask but he will watch you… right after he took care of the silk Kalim ordered
Jamil has admired you his entire life. An otherworldly being who even made the Sorcerer of Sands look up into the sky and search for your wisdom among the stars… how fascinating!
And what power you must posess! You were even able to enter his world-Jamil Viper, a student that doesn’t know you woke up without knowing how you got here one fateful day
After he gets better he is dead set on repaying you (no, he did not think about joining Octavinelle)
It’s just… you were so warm… and so kind… and so worryingly good at taking care of another person…
Wait… did he just become your own personal Kalim??!
This is also what made him finally questioning you about this and… safe to say his carefully crafted mask slipped from his face and smashed on the floor
Someone dared to make the Overseer take care of them??!
The aftermath to that is him becoming your personal servant. Kalim can get poisoned for all he cares. Now you are the important one here… in that room with the many locks.
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