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quarryhag · 1 year

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@popularmxnster gets a drabble (or a starter if you feel like it!)

It was a Friday night; in October of course. The leaves had turned, the air was starting to cool, and each night the moon was getting brighter. Each weekend there was somewhere to go, dressed up- endless possibilities; you got to be whoever, and whatever you wanted to be. It was magical. So, what had Dylan dressed up as for the nights events? He hadn’t. Truthfully, he hadn’t been much into costumes the last few years. Before college, he really go into it, but here, he was just wanting to get through. Sam wanted to go out; which was not like her- but who was he to say no? It would be good to get out of the house. He was starting to think that the horror movie binges were getting to be a bit much.

Inside the house, the music reverberates against the walls, and Dylan swears he can feel it in his bones. He’s not huge on these big house parties, but he can usually find a corner to tuck himself into where people filtered through, giving small talk, and having a few laughs. It was the best way he knew to meet new people, without having to exhaust himself trying to find someone who wanted to chat. Tonight, he was in the kitchen. It was busy, but the people tended to filter through quickly. Things were going well, even if he had an underlying sense of dread beneath the surface. For a moment, the room had nearly cleared. Odd. He thought- until he sees Billy backing some partygoer into the depths of the kitchen. Dylan knows the look in his eyes; and he doesn’t know why he knows it, he just does. As the unlucky, unknown guy’s back is about to hit the wall, Dylan shoves him down, stepping in front of Billy’s path.

Dylan hadn’t thought much past this part of the plan. Billy was in a rage, and while he’d never seen it before, he knew how it had ended last time. Dylan trusted him, at least up until this split second, where his fingers are closing in around his throat- what that said about him, he didn’t want to dive into. His back thuds against the wall, as he realizes he nearly can’t breathe. He attempts to deepen his breath as he stares into Billy’s eyes. He sees the rage and the excitement that lay beneath it.

Ah, fuck. He thinks as one of his hands beats against the wall in a clenched fist. Who knew being choked- like actually getting fucking choked, hurt so bad? He’s got to realize- Dylan looks at him determined- willing him to realize. His hand reached up to pull Billy’s wrist away but then he realizes he’s stopped squeezing. Dylan's hand drops to his side, leaving Billy’s hands tucked neatly around his throat. Now, they’re just frozen, aside from breathing nearly in sync- Dylan can’t look away from his eyes, and Billy can’t seem to stop staring at his lips.

It feels like they’re frozen like that for an hour, but in reality, this whole event took place in a matter of seconds. The door to the kitchen swings open, and he hears Sam calling her dad’s name. The contact is ripped apart, and his breathing is going back to normal. “I’ll call you later,” Sam told him, eyes glaring as she tore her dad from the house- it was better that way; even if it left a very shaken up Dylan alone, being gawked at.

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girlwithfish · 9 months

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also am not taking rly good care if myself this week. idk im used to cooking at home nd eatinf the same things i eat at home and im stupid so ifk what to bring to work to eat and jts like 90-95+ degrees evey day and theres no break room to sit and eat inside so i have to eat in my car or go out nd i dont like leaving my car running for AC for an hour lunch break etc nd idk ig i cld go somewhere like a dast food restaurant to sit down inside bc its toochot to be in the car at thus timecof rhe yr and idk i like do not eat well at all at work ill eat loke toddler food leftovers if theres aby left when my kids r having lunch then sometimes get like smth at dunkin like toast or fast food or eat like chips its like not good nd i always feel so tired at the endnof day and today was particularly bad and I also held my pee until 8pm and also had to shit rly bad bc i okly had coffee during my break bc i didnt wanna spend extra miney on food at dunkin i am not trying to be Ed tw cringe rn and then yeah ummm. feeling so dysfunctional today nd its bc i havwnt eaten properly or healthy at all lol. ir slept that good all week bc im stillnot used to sleeping early even tho i rly shld lol

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rubiesintherough · 3 years

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#(( ooc. ))#pls may i have some spare good vibes?? day has not gotten any better.#and kinda contemplating deleting my blogs and vanishing into the wind #i wont. i promise. but damn im just. idk. tired. numb. having a real bad time lately.#so ummm if i could get a smol hug and good vibe that would be amazing if u have any to spare #venting tw

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cupofkey · 3 years

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hot girl just said something abt moving in together next year ive known her for 4 days she is no longer hot

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washymylifeaway · 3 years

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MatsuHana fanfic recs

HI LOVES :D MatsuHana is one of my FAVORITE ships and I always love reading their fics! I’m procrastinating my other wips rn, so that do be why this is coming out rn LOL. Also that ask really made me get onto writing this, so anon thank you for sending it in LOL. There are some with VERY sensitive topics and they’re very BOLD, but I hope you all are safe while going through this list <3 (also matsuhana leans more to lots of drinking, spicy smut scenes, and teenage boy humor (like d*ck jokes and sexual innuendos) and sometimes I don’t remember to warn for that, so again CAUTION)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

plus one by orphan_account (G) 6.1k // this fic made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside LOL. It’s also hilarious and is definitely worth a read! When will I get to share a heart shaped bed with someone :( But I really love it when they just go with the flow of things, and other people are like,,, aren’t you already dating? BUT THEY’RE LIKE UMMM NO? HSAKJSH.

rated m for by orphan_account (T) 10.7k // I love this fic it made me laugh so much throughout the whole thing! The vibes in this fic are immaculate and give me life (we love a good reunion with mystery writers), it is SO good! That’s why you should never leave/stop listening prematurely (@ iwa when he was a single dad fic).

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // THIS IS SO GOOD, I love this fic. It really takes you through the emotions, and I love all the development in it!!!! Their relationship with one another (but only as homies right? ofc ofc), and even their families loving the other, this fic is so good! Read it even if you don’t like slow burn, you won’t even notice <3333

call me maybe by totooru (T) 33.6k // okay yea another (semi) chat fic,,, fight me. MatsuHana are just funny in general but throw some other characters (like Kuroo) into it and it turns into a comedy show. But the main point of this fic was like the near miss meetings and I think that the misunderstanding were hilarious (as much as I hate misunderstandings LOL).

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // I lost this fic once and I searched for it FOR THE LONGEST TIME. But that’s cause I wanted to reread this masterpiece. IT’S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND DOMESTIC AND UGH. Also the small angst made me SO SAD. But the ENDING? THE KISSES AHHHHHHH. (I’m yelling a lot BUT that’s cause I really love this fic <3333)

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // I love the Makki hates Mattsun initially but then falls for the irresistible charm he posses trope. It might be my favorite trope for MatsuHana specifically LOL. Like I really love this fic and it has MAGIC. It’s like a magical version of the VA one LOL. But like no radio shows or reunited best friends in this one :(

THESE ARE VERY ANGST!!!!!!!

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // this made me so sad and empty after I read it. Like I just sat there being like wtf did I just read I’m sad now. Again read the tags, there is a suicide attempt but there’s also some cheating in this one. This one also ends happy. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

New:

kiyala // this writer has a LOT of fluffy MatsuHana and I really love their works! It’s just all (for the most part) really cute and there’s a lotta blurred lines and boundaries that get cleared up (they define what their relationship is but with ~love~) in their fics :) My fav? Making Sense by kiyala (T) 1.5k // it’s very cute and I am one who loves when things just fall into place :D

tookumade // this writer has some of MY FAVORITE MatsuHana fics in it and I’m kinda really sad I don’t get to ramble on about them here :( (dw I will elsewhere LOL) If I had to choose, I would say Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k and Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k were my absolute favorites, but I cannot choose between them so don’t make me.

plumtrees // I LOVE THIS WRITER OMG. Again, someone who has written my all time FAVORITE fics (did I mention OF ALL TIME?) and I’ve obsessively read some of them too many times :’) Because I already recommended my other faves above, Captured Light by plumtrees (T) 3.5k will be my acting favorite rn. It’s really cute and depicts some really sweet moments between MatsuHana too!

h_lovely // this writer has SO MANY GOOD FICS! I really love their series and their getting together fics are all SO GOOD UGH. I recommended my favorite teen one above, but the other ones I loved are explicit so just check out this writer in general LOL. (I REALLY love mirror flower, water moon, it’s my favorite but it’s E cause some smexy scene happen, but it’s really SO good omfg. Also the roses series IS AMAZING as well!!!!)

cream puffs and carnations; by crossbelladonna (series) 11.6k // AU SERIES!!! I love the AU’s in this series and I really liked the prompts they chose for this MatsuHana week :D My favorite from this series might’ve been there he is again by crossbelladonna (T) 1.6k cause a) I love the mattsun hc in this (for his appearance) and b) IT’S CUTE :D I definitely related to Makki and his not very subtle crushing, and also I like the IwaOi + Makki as friends trope (and then they meet Mattsun), if you couldn’t tell yet LOL.

on the anatomy of crushes by carafin (T) 2.3k // (kinda cp but not LOL) it’s very short and cute and I love it a lot LOL. I love medical AU’s (even though it’s very back burner LOL), but also, like Mattsun saves the day is the move. Like the dedication he has even going on the bus? Especially for a guy? Amazing. I could never :’)

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE CONSTANTLY. I hate math. Just putting that out here. And while it’s a math fic, IT? IS? SO? GOOD???? And like I love it when characters are smart, like I love intelligent characters so like this was just ajndf. (also same Mattsun, I am allergic to normal math.)

live it up, drink it in by punybastard (T) 2.1k // GAH this one! This is a pretty iconic fic in MatsuHana hell (in my personal opinion) and if I didn’t have that two fic limit on my staple fics, this would be there. I really loved the ending of it (v cute and v well done), but also the small side stories that were inserted made it all the more entertaining :D (aka the volleyball) But they are drinking underage, so if you’re not about that BE WARNED.

it's cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // PLEASE I LOVE THIS FIC. YES READ YESYESYES READ. OKAY FIRST check tags and warnings, there’s a lot going on in this fic. Like don’t be stupid like them, drinking underage, and don’t do drugs not a good idea very very bad. Aside from that, I am in love with sad sad sad Makki (along with stupid IwaOi) and him being a sad drunk made me ajhkjdfs. Just read it and feel the akfnakjs with me LMFAO.

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // I’m starting this out with I LOVE the ending and I REALLY LOVE the way this confession panned out. It’s such a great concept and it made me ajhfldshf inside!!! Also, recursive endings are some of my favorites (if you couldn’t already tell LOL), and I think it really makes something so nostalgic and adds depth to a fic.

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC YES!!!! OKAY TW CANCER THERE’S CANCER IN THIS NO DEATH JUST PAIN and chemo (which basically is pain). Some controversy, but the angst part of me wanted him to die DONT GET ME WRONG, I’m glad he lived, but like imagine. I really love this fic, and his efforts in the bucket list were admirable :’)

we could be the greatest team by anyadisee (T) 5.7k // it’s my crack fic :D Yes, this is just Seijoh messing around, boys being boys, relationships being compared with other relationships. No pining, just me with my established relationships (and Iwa fanclubs cause those are a thing. ALWAYS).

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E) 5.4k // SMUT ALERT okay but like while it’s a major plot point (lmfao I can’t believe myself), the storyline itself is good. Also, I’m all here for bartender Makki and tattoo Makki and not subtle at all Makki and basically everything Makki. I like banter and stupidity okay?

[obnoxious clucking noises] by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.4k // some more crack fic for you <3333 Literally, just idiots being idiots. That’s the fic. LMFAO but seriously, I would like to participate as well,,,,, I have yet to lose a game of gay chicken cause of my lack of fear akdjaslk.

that's what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T) 4.2k // THIS IS SO FUNNY. I love Elvis cause he’s always officiating marriages in my fics LMFAO. But also IwaOi in this added some real nice comedy, and overall another crack fic but I really liked this one (AGAIN LMFAO).

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // first I want to know how they got the flour to scream, I just can’t figure it out so if anyone would like to send me pictures that’d be great. Second, they would do this bs and this is all canon. I said what I said, and I don’t take criticism. Like, matsuhana best parents proven by the magical mishaps fic (LMAO).

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic (renaissance) (M) 2.1k // okay I just wanted to say that the accuracy in the math stuff being mentioned makes me feel like this writer was in calc ab or something and that’s trauma right there. Anyways, it’s a texting fic kinda sorta getting together kinda sorta not? Idk how to explain it, but it was funny and then smut LMFOAJIAHFSJS (the derail was just like IwaOi in gay chicken, someone call the police LMFAO).

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // I like the casualness of it. Like the confession was just so casual (smooth Mattsun) and like the progression was GOOD. Like, it’s a very poetic fic and there’s lots of thinking of deeper meaning, but its still got some comedy sprinkled throughout. I really loved the flow of it!!!!

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // I too would have a breakdown over school (me pretending like I haven’t already done that ahaha), but I really love so many things about this fic! Everything was just so ajsdfljdsn and I really love the 3 part plan Mattsun comes up with :DDDD (esp pt 3). Also, to propose while having an emotional breakdown at 3am in a McDonalds drive through. A mf dream.

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // PLEASE IF THEY DIDN’T MEET AT HS THIS WOULD BE CANON ASF. You cannot tell me you don’t think this would not be cannon asf. They would meet like this. Also poor Teuchi stuck in the middle of all of this. I haven’t watched naruto, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is random emotional sexual bonding over something. That is important. (THE ENDING AJKFHKJ)

You're in Pink (and I'm in blue) by Hyeyu (T) 4.4k // whooooo Hanahaki whooo anyway, despite how it seems, I like the hanahaki trope. I don’t fully understand it sometimes (most of the time tbh), but it adds some nice angst and desperate confessions, and I do appreciate those :D Honestly, I really liked the way this fic panned out, and I felt really bad for Iwa LOL.

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // I really like this one :D:D:D I love Makki + Oikawa friendship and they’re really the best to each other :’) The ending was satisfying, and the PLOT omg. It was SO good. I feel like I say this a lot though LOL, but I’m just really into fics with good plot progression (or else I don’t read them OOPS).

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // chaos ahahhaha. Another crack fic? I hope no one is surprised LOL. It’s just a really short and simple, cute getting together fic with a LOT of insults LOL. I love this one in particular, “Tooru’s dinner special”.

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // THE ROOMMATE AD PLEASE. I honestly would never think Oikawa would get a snake, but that doesn’t matter LOL. This was me indulging myself in the makki IwaOi best friends and mattsun stranger agenda but it’s a great agenda okay? It’s a good fic and there’s a microwaved fish :D

Lemonade by carriecmoney (T) 4.1k // okay once again, responsible drinking and don’t drink underage bad idea smh. But MatsuHana just making out where they want? I could see that. Yeah. Anyway, as much as public make out seshes make me *gag* feel embarrassed, what made me feel more *gag* embarrassed was the fact that the girls? just? stood? there? Like why are you watching this. Is that just me? I feel like they should’ve left smh.

surprise, surprise by airblends (T) 7.6k // some more pining and dancing around the issue whoooo. As much as I hate them not getting to the point (almost as much as I hate misunderstandings), it was a great fic. This is nosebleed c*ck block (idk if I needed to censor that but I did fight me).

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // I love the Hades and Persephone trope! Okay, I just love mythology leave me be, but anyway I really love a lot of this fic. Like how Mattsun thinks it’s a little brighter with Makki? CUTE I LOVE. But also, the fish funeral is ridiculous but also very on brand for Oikawa. And some BokuKuroo (idk is that their ship) in here as well :DDD

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City by AngryKitten (T) 4.4k // literally it is the title. Just you know, looking for the best place to cry in the city,,,, I’d like to say, don’t cat call people cause we’re not about that here. Even if it worked out for them, just don’t do it :/ Also don’t follow strangers. I feel like that’s a given but jic ya know?

this isn't exactly how i thought i'd be spending my adult years by jadedpearl (NR) 7.5k // okay petty Makki is yes and so is my Makki + IwaOi agenda LOL. (I’m thriving here can’t you tell? Yes regular skype/phone calls constantly) Anyway, blackouts and sickness really be here getting people together. (I’m asking nicely, nike.) And Makki is smooth with his words. (SHORTER MEN MADE ME LAUGH)

chocolate by tellalie (T) 3.6k // the dedication in this fic was amazing. Like making a whole a cake? Someone go do that for me. (For mankind.) Fake dating is really something else, but fake dating to out gag your best friends? Seems like I need to step up my game (but no seriously, my best friends are PDA monsters I hate it here). Also practice confessions are wack.

FINALLY I MADE IT. You don’t know how many times I almost gave up on finishing LMFAO. Is this my longest list? Idk. But I just know that I would’ve finished faster if I didn’t end up rereading almost every fic on this list LMFAO. Like no seriously I almost had to make a post saying this wouldn’t be coming out cause I got distracted by one of the longer fics (I’m blaming Mirror Flower, Water Moon specifically). But I hope you enjoyed this, and once again go thank that anon for spurring me into finishing this list LMFAO (am I a horse? Yea, probably but if one thing, I’m not sturdy).

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wsgeon · 3 years

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hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc.

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

#ws:intro #frankly my characters end up a lil different from intended 90% of the time soooo take my description of his personality w a grain of salt #this intro is long and illiterate but i'll fix it at a later time

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reversecreek · 3 years

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clicks onto the dash wearing kitten heels n coyly holding my bang....... hi. me again. it took me so long to select a gif to use on cricket’s intro n i settled on this one bc he looks so unsure abt his smile n it’s rly his essence <3 u can find his pinterest board here n his (work in progress) spotify playlist here. hmu to plot!!!

* alex wolff, cis male + he/him | you know cricket donahue, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to should have known better by sufjan stevens like, a million times this year, which slipping on wet leaves to photograph a tree struck alight by lightning, delivering a tedtalk to your own reflection to hype yourself up to buy groceries, hiding your hands inside of your sleeves in case you grew an impromptu megan fox thumb overnight thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 1st, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

cricket ws born to a couple tht lived in lilac ridge. their trailer was tucked closest to the woods n always fell under the shade. it was like the leaves wanted to pretend they were a perpetual hanging cloud on the family n that was kind of fitting. their only reason fr having him in the first place was a kind of shrugged like........... we’re under the income bracket we’d get child benefits so why not! may as well try it to rake in some extra cash! needless to say they didn’t rly think it thru or anticipate all of the responsibilities tht came w children n wound up seeing him as an extremely large burden n boy didn’t he know it!

(child neglect & abuse tw) i’ll try to keep this part vague n brief but things were Not Good for cricket growing up. people in lilac ridge didn’t like his parents n it was for a gd reason. he remembers foggy things. being little n wandering around combing the grass with a stick to search for wrappers to suck on bc he was hungry. feeling uneasy when the front door opened. finding out his name was cricket bc the insects used to crawl into their trailer thru the vents n his parents liked to squish them into the carpet -- his mum told him as much once. i think this says a lot. to excessively trim the fat of the story he wound up entering the system at around 8 after his latest and most serious hospital visit. his parents hd to deal w the authorities n last he heard they bounced to evade charges.

(anxiety & violence & trauma tw) cricket sustained a few lifelong injuries from his time in lilac ridge. his knee didn’t heal right which meant he had (n still has to this day) a limp n he’s partially deaf in one ear. he’s always been an incredibly insecure n anxious person so this mde him rly self conscious going into a strange n new environment tht wld b difficult fr any kid to adjust to, nvm w these added worries. he jst felt like something weird to ogle at honestly. he probably wld have felt like that no matter where he was or what he looked like. he cld be in a huge hall of 200 people all wearing the same uniform n he’d still feel like the odd one out. needless to say this didn’t rly help him make friends

cricket’s coping mechanisms were romanticising the things tht other people found ugly or embarrassing or painfully ordinary. he liked it when the rain hit clunky drops against school windows n forbid everyone from playing outside bc he could feel the vibrations through the rubber soles of his shoes n it was a little bit like hearing all of the world at once fr just a moment. he liked medieval fantasy lore about stout gnomes w crumbs in their beards n cheeks red from ale. he liked fallen nests with the remnants of hatched eggs still dirty from the branches n soil they’d hit on the way down. he liked the way the sunlight leaked thru the leaves of the trees in the woods and how, when he sat very still, he could tune into the ringing that was always in his ear n pretend it was coming from the same place, that light thru the leaves, that the angels were trying to talk to him.

he spent a lot of time in the red room at his high skl (i’m begging u this is not a 50 shades reference) (after googling i jst realised it’s called a darkroom bt i’m leaving this fr the sake of sexy bimbo authenticity) n felt quite at home in there. he borrowed a camera whenever he cld (maybe he did yearbook) n photography became his way of immortalising the world as the romanticised version he wanted it to be. his memories were bad bt his photos were beautiful. maybe if he took enough they’d paste over n bleed into each other. maybe bad cld be replaced w beautiful if he tried his very best.

he got placed into fostering w a family once bt apparently didn’t meet the vibe check of their tastes so he wound up returning to the group home he’d initially been placed in. overall this is where he grew up n he aged out the system rather than getting adopted. there was a sense of floundering/isolation/not feeling gd enough in tht bt cricket made do the best he knew how.

that said there were some gd points! (shocking i kno bc his life hs been so fking bleak so far bt please it’s ok........) (is it?) (🤔). basically he interned as an assistant at this local photography studio during high skl working under this kind of whimsical yet endearing old man. suspected wizard possibly in cricket’s eyes, as an avid fantasy genre reader. for one of his bdays said old man / his boss bought him his very own film camera n cricket cried bc he’d never been bought a bday gift. this ws rly embarrassing bc this old man didn’t know how to emote n neither did cricket so he ws jst sort of sat wiping his eyes n sniffling saying he wasn’t crying as the old man pretended to suddenly clean his lenses. when cricket graduated he offered him a full time position there. they do like. wedding photographs n family portraits n all kinds of things...... pay isn’t huge bt it’s something n he Loves taking photos so it’s sexy <3

PERSONALITY:

SUCH an anxious person it’s actually unreal. overthinks absolutely everything he’s ever said. one morning he might hv put green socks on n for the rest of the day he’s nervously looking around like omggggggg they’re all looking at my socks probably thinking im a little green sock boy thinking i’m a fool n a jester this is all everyone’s probably thinking about i hv to hide my green socks..... even tho literally no-one cares

once saw a girl eating a chicken wing n in his head was like ok she likes chicken good future gift idea..... n turned up at her house with an entire rotisserie chicken

probably thinks WAY too hard abt what to write in bday cards n googles like generic ideas that he can use.... u open a card from cricket n it always says smthn weird like “Warmest wishes and love on your birthday and always!” or “You deserve everything happy. Wishing you that all year long!” tht he got off google

nervously fiddles w things a lot. literally anything. his hair. the cuffs of his sleeves. a thread on his bag. u name it

struggles w eye contact sometimes............ it’s like. he wants to talk to ppl n make friends bt he’s honestly so bad at it. he’s fumbling thru life like a nervous headless chicken

ALWAYS has his camera on him. like always. will tke a photo of u bc he thinks u look nice then be like im so sorry im so sorry...... bowing his head shakily holding his camera bc he doesn’t even kno what possessed him he jst thought it’d be a nice photograph bt boundaries exist. probably breathes very heavily over this later in his room panicking thinking he nw seems like hannibal lecter

probably more confident online bc he has time to think abt what he says more.......... i can see him hving a group of online friends tht he’s more confident w. honestly he’s pretty witty at heart he jst has a hard time verbalising things so ppl overlook him sometimes bt once u get to know him more / he’s more comfy he can b a funny little man.....

loves photographs where he cuts something out of them. loves missing spaces n voids. thinks it’s a rly interesting concept when something that isn’t there becomes the focus of a photograph where everything else is. probably loses his mind fr a collage like a front row 1d stan. likes experimenting w light n perception. pretty artistic honestly hs probably made a stop motion film in the past bc that’s just an extended form of photography in his mind bt i doubt he showed anyone

ummm...... very sweet bt like. he reminds me a lot of this quote. “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” feel like tht sums him up quite nicely

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone he met at a wedding: cricket probably ws forced to photograph a wedding fr his boss one time n it cld b interesting as a place to meet from that....... like. i can imagine either it being rly awkward maybe he accidentally spilled a drink on ur muse n was stuttering rly apologetic n it ws just a train wreck. or mayb they took pity on him or even (in a shocking turn of events) a shine to him n invited him to drink n dance. omgggg the thought of cricket trying to dance makes me wna die n probably mkes cricket wna hyperventilate bt idk maybe he went wild n let loose. mayb they wound up damaging the camera somehow. mayb they had to scramble to get another one n ur muse covered the cost n it was a strange late night excursion tht cricket thought about a lot since. cricket probably vowed to pay them bk somehow no matter what. idk. we can work things out. lots of diff options here. doesn’t have to b a wedding either can b any event tht required a photographer

ppl he went to school w: pretty self explanatory i suppose...... maybe they were frm completely different worlds..... mayb ur muse was popular n cricket was definitely not but they got paired fr an assignment n had to work on a project together....... mayb cricket asked ur muse on a date one time n it was completely embarrassing bc he didn’t realise they had a bf n it haunts cricket at night still bc he’s rly dramatic.... mayb ur muse felt sry fr him n ate lunch w him n inducted him into their group like a lost puppy finding a home.... world’s our oyster

neighbours from his brief time at lilac ridge: not to reference taylor swift but i’m gna reference taylor swift n say we cld do a seven inspired plot here. sighs a little..... then sighs a lot. he was here ages 0-8 so idk. we cld work out childhood plots perhaps....

sickening simp: i mean.............. cricket probably gets crushes on ppl so easily like just. anyone who’s the slightest bit nice to him.................. he’s a disgrace. ok i take it back. bt also please get it together freak............... i didn’t say that. he’d probably b extra nice to this person n try n pay close attention to things they liked so he cld get them little gifts. just a bit embarrassing n lovestruck bless his heart. wldn’t expect anything back tho honestly that just isn’t something he tends to do.

let’s go gays: cricket’s bi but he probably was rly in his head abt liking boys n tried to sort of squash it internally during his younger yrs...... i think he’s more comfy w it now MAYBE idk bt back then i picture him having a friend tht ws kind of like. similarly loserish as him perhaps (no offence to ur muse potentially filling this plot or cricket bt let’s face the facts) n they’d hang out n play games a lot n one time it jst kind of happened n he was like............. *struts in looking around sharply* What going on here? except not. bc it’s cricket. more like *shambles in looking around anxiously* What’s, uh... What’s... the happenings? S--... I’m sorry. (immediate apology for saying what’s the happenings bc nobody talks like that n it was an impulsive panic bc he didn’t know what else to say)

those who grew up in the system w him: maybe at the group home or i’d also like the family that fostered him n said sayonara. honestly i imagine the parents just thought he ws a bit too much of a handful / had too much baggage which is rly quite merciless n terrible but. if u think that aligns w ur muses home situation hmu......

um. can’t think of more bt just anything honestly. jst go wild.......

#irvingintro #abuse tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #DOES A LITTLE JIG #admittedly i didnt include a formative moments section like my other intros bc idk what kind of superpowers i was inhaling the fumes of #for those intros but #i'm a mere mortal now.

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rgefft · 3 years

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TW ED‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

first day of water fasting!!

**This morning “i forgot what exact time i did this” but it was on the 7th of September 2021 on Tuesday**

at like 1pm i put my food set for me in a ziplock bag and put it in a box so my mom wouldnt see and also so the trash wont be so HEAVY I’m rlly trying to do this right this time since if i dont ill litterally take forever with workouts and etc and most likely be in my shape 4ever witch i do not like at all, idk ab workouts but if you think i should start workout with this fast PLEASE tell me ill litterally do whatever.🤞🏾

**2:49 pm Tuesday sept the 7th**

i drank 14 oz of water so far *i woke up at 1pm btw*

I’m currently starving rn 😩😩😝 i heard that after 5 hours your body goes into anerxic state so idkdkd😩😋😚 yes so ummm im just writing this stuff down because it makes it easier fir me to fast, ill edit this throughout the day btw until its THE NEXT DAY LOL.

its 3:17pm

i feel bad like my stomach is doing all types of stuff and the ed posts are helping but yeah i just have this headache thats bothering me a-lot on top of the stomach ache, if i didn’t have this headache i would feel so much better ITS LITERALLY ONLY LIKE 3 IDK WHY I FEEL LIKE THIS BUT i heard during ur first two days of fasting u get rlly bad side effects at first but writing this down made me feel a lot better, I’m trying to drink as many oz of water i can its just hard to tho

7:00pm

headaches are coming back after i got up to hug my mom i want to eat but if i do it would just be a bad idea as i just looked in the mirror and i just cant believe i went this far off with my body I’m rlly upset i have school tmr especially since its a b day and i hate b days because i french class

9:01pm

i feel sad kinda wish i could eat but i’m not for the sake of my body its only the first day and i’m complaining so much lol, i just cant wait to loose weight the way i want to i’m so tired of waiting feels so lonely and takes 4ever, i hope tmr ill still be good in class and my mom wont get suspicious and give me food or put food in my mouth to taste it.

10:42

I DID A LITTLE CHEAT BUT it was VERY acceptable, after sniffing kimchi i licked it but only a bit got on my tounge so im pretty sure that means im still clear, i have to sleep soon which SUCKS but its whatever i just hope tmr isn’t a bad day im prob gonna end up snififng more foods but imma have to see if that build calories si imma check rq, turns out you can inhale calories so imma just try to stop with that but if im on the VERGE of eating ill inhale some calories or take a LITTLE lick 🤞🏾

#Fasting #Ed #TWED

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segatoys · 4 years

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Ummm vent under cut sorry im jsu<//3 OUUGHHHH

if u read tw for talk abt like. weight, body image (im tagging this as well bc idk if itll catch it in the blacklist feature)

ahh now i cnt stop thinking abt january. i was at a hralthy weight or at least i felt healthy, i felt.. idk ive never considered myself good looking but i felt so confident. like when i shaved my hair it was the first time ive ever been able to 100% choose my haircut and it felt so good.. i got compliments and again i was just so confident and now i just feel like a blob.. im gaining weight, my hairs growing out and its making my dysphoria just Bad, i can barely take showers without feeling gross about myself. :-( sucks

#weight mention /#body image ment /#vent /

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hanana · 7 years

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#ummm i feel rly bad for a lot of small reasons but rly no reason and idk what to do #I've been fine lately so I've like lost my coping skills or something idk #smoking would help but im out of bud #drugs tw #personal /

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setheldridges-blog · 6 years

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( austin butler | 21 | cismale ) i swear i saw seth eldridge around campus yesterday. i hear he is very empathetic, altruistic & insecure, which explains why when you think of them, you’d think of tired crystalline blue eyes paired with a warm smile & long, slender fingers deftly strumming the chords of a love song on an acoustic guitar. they’re in their junior year and studying psychology.

ahhhh, hi! i’m kayla and i haven’t been in a big rp for a minute, so i’m equal parts nervous and excited. let’s just pull a sarah baska and dive right in tbh. feel free to im me or drop a like and i’ll come to you <3

tw: miscarriage when seth was a little sprout, his parents were deemed unfit to raise him, so the eldridge family adopted him. debbie eldridge had recently suffered a miscarriage, so the baby boy looked like a symbol of hope to her. plus, they’re christian, so it was kind of ironic that he was named seth bc that’s the name of the baby adam and eve had after cain killed abel, idk.

so, he grew up in this small, conservative texan town with his mother debbie, his father frank, and his older sister abby. his mother taught elementary school and was the picture of encouragement, positivity, and vivacity. you got a shitty drawing? it’s going to be drowned in compliments and put on the fridge. his father was almost like debbie’s polar opposite. he was quiet, kinda broody, had obnoxious muttonchops, occasionally verbally abusive. they seem like an odd couple from the outside. as for the siblings, abby and seth’s relationship growing up was a bit strained due to a sizable age gap, but he loves her and his niece very much.

tw: murder; alcoholism: he did some digging about his birth parents behind his parents’ backs and realized why they weren’t too keen to tell him about them. his birth father was in prison for going on a random killing spree and his birth mother succumbed to alcoholism a few years after he was adopted. he felt physically sick when he found out.

growing up, seth was chubby and naturally sensitive, so he faced some bullying, which still affects his self-esteem today. he’s also struggled with depression for as long as he can remember, which obviously doesn’t help.

he lost the weight by joining the swim team his senior year of high school and still swims competitively at lockwood. he’s also pretty into music and can play guitar and ukulele. he can sing a little, but he'd describe his voice as far from amazing.

his main passion is psychology, and his dream job is to become a therapist and make a difference. partially due to his own struggles with mental illness, his fascination with the subject, and a latent desire to repay society for his birth father’s doings. it’s just pretty close to his heart tbh. he also has a tendency to psychoanalyze the shit out of everyone in his head.

personality wise, seth is a beam of light who’s frequently going out of his way to help other people. he’ll give a stranger the clothes off of his back or eat crackers until he gets a paycheck if it means buying a friend a much needed hot meal. he’s selfless to his own detriment.

he’s also a fucking chatterbox, so like, never feel the need to match length with my replies bc once he gets going, they can get a little lengthy lol.

pansexual af

ummm, i can’t really think of anything else rn, so i may have missed something, but feel free to ask questions or even just im me about your pets or something. :)

potential connections:

best friends, friends, fwbs, study buddies, bad influences, good influences, a roommate, exes on good terms, exes on bad terms, someone who just doesn’t like him? (maybe they think he’s fake or a try hard or something idk), someone to play music with, maybe someone who’s also on the swim team that he’s a little competitive with, someone he met in a psych ward (would be one of the only people clued into his mental state bc homeboy doesn’t open up much), etc.

#lock:intro #lock:ooc

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hxrryspotter · 7 years

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tbh if i could make this blog private like u can on twitter, i would. only bc i dont actually want more ppl followin bc really.. truthfully.. i dont want to interact im so tired and this is a mess of just thoughts and things i like. its not gonna be neat, my tagging is sloppy af and im gonna post abt whatever I want. yall must have noticed anon is off, sometimes I forget lmao. but yeah, i turned it off abt a wk ago only bc i felt bad that i couldn’t give you guys better replies when you sent love my way during my bad times. its hard to respond and show my appreciation when i do appreciate your thoughts, but at the same time, cant really believe any positive words. does that make sense idk??

anyways a bit of an official announcement for anyone who cares… this blog consists of: gay stuff, fandom stuff (hp, tw, got, skam, memes) mental health/depressing stuff, personal stuff/venting (its my blog im allowed), ummm music, aesthetic stuff, random stuff, pretty words, that’s abt it. basically just a big mess of jumbled things and half the time i wont exactly tag properly but ill try and tag most stuff! so really, yall can unfollow me i have Changed and i am boring and Sad now

#*#no really i hate tumble mobile bc my followr count is right there and idc if ppl unfollow i just #have a thing with numbers thnx ocd #its irrational and dumb #also idk if ill turn anon back on again?#last time i started bein a tiny bit more active here i got hate lmao #im too fragile for that shit man #most of yall on here are demons btw aka skam fandom and it has not been a pleasure in this demonic fandom #i will not cherish the times #if im followin u it's bc ur not a demon #(not 2 say everyone is a demon but... if the shoe fits...#im tired tell me to shut up

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meepface · 7 years

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these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!!

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?

#this was as expected.... very therapeutic #i recommend answerin these #helps u figure urself out #anywho #like if ya read #about me #long post

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