#tw psychosis

[corollaservant]

The Host // Chrollo x f!Reader (18+)

Synopsis: Chrollo likes you, you remind him of someone he knows. Better yet, you might just be her. He's hosting a show tonight and you're starring in it.

Warnings: noncon/dubcon, yandere, kidnapping, drugging, manipulation/coercion, knives, oral and penetrative sex, psychosis/schizophrenia, stalking, 1 insensitive rape remark, Sarasa mentions (Chrollo's childhood friend), spoilers for the manga, would add more but it kinda ruins it.

A/N: inspired by Phantom Troupe's flashback in the Succession Contest arc + brainrot + my eternal love for Chrollo, played intentionally with the verb tenses // wanted to try something different.

The party. That’s right, you were at a party, a drink in your hand and your friend with you. Where was the party? A sharp pain pierces your cranium and you wince. What ever happened to your friend? You decide you can't show empathy at present time.

It was commonly assumed that memory followed a chronological sequence, that the human brain could recall memories exactly like they unfolded but in all honesty, memory recalling happened in fragments for most. The party. Your friend. The colors of the light. A man. 

A man. Who was the man and what were you talking about, you try to think but it’s kind of hard when you can’t see, you’re blindfolded and tied to a chair. Earthy odor, smells like soil, you note. Not that this takes you far. You had definitely been drugged, you felt weak and nauseous (it was a wonder the stills popped in your head) eyes so tightly folded, the little shapes and colors from the pressure increasing your fatigue, your heart palpitating. Was this date rape? You couldn’t touch yourself to find out but you felt intact. This was also not a date. Then why the abduction and ropes? To offer something, you think. But you didn’t have much to offer for the record. You try calming yourself down but the thought only stresses you further. Fuck, how long was this going to take?

Chrollo never did things without reason. Never talked without it, stole without it (debatable, but they were in need), never acted without it or killed without it. You being there was no mistake, he was wondering how you felt at the moment, not very familiar with human emotions, they all seemed wary, he thought, so he often brushed them off, not caring enough to dig deeper. Chrollo listened, he never talked. He could sit through a Troupe meeting actively hearing the members, knowing fully well when stupid proposals and ideas were spouted as they all patiently waited for his final word. He didn’t mind, he thought it was funny how people unraveled without him trying. His decision on you, he had to admit was made on impulse. He didn’t mean to drug you. He didn’t mean to abduct you. Unlike you, he remembers details. Him and the Troupe were in a club (silly to assume for entertainment, a stolen prize now decorating the heist gallery in one of the Troupe's hideouts) when he saw you. You weren’t far, a couple inches away, drinking clumsily and conversing with a person he presumed was a friend by the proximity of it. You had her eyes, he thought. Of course he could see perfectly in the dark, well, he could pretty much use any of his senses to a higher extent, he wouldn’t be a Specialist after all. Your wide eyes gleamed, they squinted when you couldn’t listen. To make matters worse, you had your hair in pigtails, loosely falling down your shoulders, long hair divided by two black hair ties. Just like hers, he thinks. Now, Chrollo is not sentimental, he really isn’t, but the optic parallels cloud his judgement and he wants nothing more but to be by your side, to reminisce the part of him that died a long time ago. He can’t cry, not unless he has a reason- he does nothing without it, but feels touched merely by your presence. Once the decision is finalized, he makes a move.

-

‘’Excuse me, miss’’ a voice rings behind you. A tall man with dark brown hair and a gloomy set of eyes holds out your house keys, you always shoved them in your pockets, as you considered it safer than your purse, not directly attached to your body. 

‘’T- thank you’’ you stammer, you’ve had a couple of drinks as the club lights hit on your face making you stumble against him, the guy behind you dancing so carelessly you’re being pushed left and right either way. 

‘’Be careful’’ he smiles as he extends his arm to hold you upright, a mournful look on his face as he walks away. The keys. The man. The drink. Dark. There is no memory of what happened after. 

It’s the same voice you hear entering the room, was it even a room? The sounds echo as if you are in a cave.

‘’Finally, here you are darling.’’ he smoothly says as you scream the first thing that comes to your mind ‘’What the fuck do you want?’’. Your voice rips through the ‘cave’ but you are certain it makes no difference. Whoever this is, doesn’t worry about the helpless sounds you’re about to make.

‘’Darling, please don’t yell, I’m right here.’’ the voice of the man inches closer, as the blindfold is being removed from your hurting eyes. Your heart races when you see him in all his glory, ominous stare and a tattoo decorating his forehead (did he have this at the club?), blue orb-shaped earrings, a peculiar attire that reminds you of a Victorian vampire- a long coat with feathers all the way down his ankles and some funny boots. His calm expression while supposed to be relaxing, just increases the nausea in the pit of your stomach, he seems familiar with such processes. As for the place, it isn’t coming to your aid either, you can’t recognize what this used to be (a warehouse? a prison? an actual cave for outcasts in the city suburbs?). You feel the known sensory feeling well up in your eyes, it’s starting to become serious. 

‘’W-what to do you want?’’ you utter, unable to scream, well you could but see no point.

‘’Are your hands in pain my darling?’’ his eyes look over your tied wrists with concern as he flinches looking at the knot. ‘’I told Feitan to go easy on you.’’ ‘’Well.. he just never listens.’’

‘’What do you want from me?’’ you cry out, since is he not responding to your questions. You want to scream and beg him to let you go, he didn’t assault you so what does he even want? You had no use to a person, as far as you knew, an unessential addition to people’s lives.

‘’My sweet darling..’’ he murmurs as he prolongs the sentence, his words making the bile rise in your esophagus and travel to your mouth, your nausea from the drugging never really went away.

What sick game is this?

‘’Please excuse the sudden change of heart after our brief encounter at [ ]. I was hoping you can understand that I wanted you here today for a very special reason.’’ he starts and your heart’s thrumming, as you silently beg him to get to the point. You want out of there immediately.

‘’Please!’’ you yelp frustrated ‘’ just tell me.’’

‘’How about I show you? Hmm?’’ he responds, his velvety voice making you gag. ‘’Shalnark!’’ he calls and a blonde guy (boy?) makes an appearance holding a.. tripod and a digital camera, which he sets right next to him, adjusting the tripod’s legs and connecting the mounting head with the camera.

‘’Everything's set up, anything else boss?’’ this guy literally beams as your eyes widen, was this a perverted farce? What did the guy mean with fucking boss?

‘’W-what is this?’’ you yelp but ‘boss’ has his a attention directed at the blonde guy. 

‘’Think you’re forgetting something, Shalnark..’’ he playfully scolds the boy and the boy’s eyes light up as if having a sudden godlike revelation. 

‘’You’re so right, boss!’’ he widely smiles as he exits.

‘’W-what are you gonna do?’’ you are crying, indescribably anxious as you can't think straight – the psychotic simulation suddenly makes you wish it would’ve been a date rape.

The boy comes back and this time he is holding a wireless microphone, which he passes to the ‘boss’, his name unknown and not your concern at the moment as he wordlessly leaves you once again to his mercy.

‘’Now, sweetheart’’ you flinch at the choice of words, ‘’I would like for you to hold this right here.’’ he tells you indicating the microphone ‘’I’m gonna untie you, please think carefully of your next move’’ he says as he comes close to you, removing the ropes and freeing your bruised wrists. Your eyes flicker, should you try this? He knows. He sees you. He is a Specialist after all, he has a reason. The split second your left foot is turned towards his right side, a wide knife with a sharp blade is pressed to your neck, while you’re being headlocked to his sides. This happens so fast you hardly have time to comprehend it.

‘’Sweetheart’’ he sighs. ‘’The knife’s not just sharp, it’s also poisonous, so please behave.’’ He goes about it as if he deals with things like that daily, you feel your legs trembe and almost snap but he lifts you up and places you back to your initial spot. What kind of a psychotic freak has a poisonous knife on them? And why are his reflexes so fast?

‘’Will you please hold this, darling?’’ he patiently asks again, as he hands the microphone over, your hands shaking and you take it, eyes wide in fear.

‘’Now’’ he smiles. ‘’We’ll go over the script, oh..it’s been such a long time since I’ve done this!’’ he exclaims looking.. happy?

He hands you over a paper with a language you can’t understand and small dialogues, you take it it’s a German variation, as there’s these funny dots over the vowels but also has some incomprehensible words and you can’t make the distinction. On the bottom there’s this image of some superheroes with cleaning devices, one holds a broom, the other one a mop. Nothing makes sense and you feel exhausted as you try to negotiate a way out. Maybe he is just a freak who wants a stupid script played out, maybe it’s that. Maybe you will be able to be free, to see your cat again. Maybe. Logic has left you, but you don't seem to notice.

‘’W-will you.. please ..let me go.. after?’’ you whisper, ready to hear the worst when he simply replies:

‘’My precious, of course! Please grant me this favor and I will set you free immediately, I ask for you to forgive previous gestures on my behalf, it just happens that they mean so much to me’’ as you suspiciously eye him up, this is not a time for bargains or reason so you’ll comply to the freak’s needs. 

You start reciting as he cuts you off. ‘’More passion, my angel, you need to say it aloud, shout out the line!’’ and you sniff, what a fucking weirdo. 

He makes you retake the incoherent dialogues multiple times, cutting you off, correcting you, shouting at you for not waiting for his part. Of course he assigned himself the leader role, must've been some god complex, no wonder from a perverted mind like his.

It is around the middle of the play, when you mispronounce a word that he seems agitated as he approaches you. He slaps your face with malice, an ominous stare, his eyes burning as you let the microphone fall from his hand’s impact. 

‘’You mispronounced this, she’d never do that.’’ he spits and you start feeling a new round of tears forming in your eyes, who she is and what you had to do with her not making any sense in your mind. You start sobbing as you mewl out brokenly.

‘’I-im sorry, we..w-we can redo this, please..’’ and he stares at you, the same pitiful expression on his face. He doesn't look upset though, all that pent up anger left him, the more he looks at your pretty eyes, how could he stay mad at you? You were after all the person he used to care for the most. A veiny hand approaches your now disheveled pigtails (pigtail in actuality, as one hairtie had fallen off during your abduction) and his fingers twirl around it. His lower half close to your face as you look up at him. He is absentmindedly staring at your hair when he kneels down to your height. 

‘’I’m sorry’’ he smiles. ‘’Would you forgive me, my darling?’’ his breath fanning on the red mark and your parted mouth. Tears are staining your cheeks as he swipes his thumb to 'clean' you. The proximity gives you chills, his composure remarkable and you hesitantly avert your eyes as you gulp.

‘’Y-yes, sir’’ you whisper, ‘l-let’s continue this’’ you were eager to be let free, eager for this twisted game to end. 

‘’No, we shall not occupy ourselves with my play anymore, Sarasa.’’ he tells you.

Sarasa? Who the fuck is this and what did you have to do with her? 

You didn’t like the new proximity, it made you anxious, his hands were cupping your jaw as he stood up and tightly grasped the loosened pigtail.

A prominent bulge was decorating his pants and while you tried to avert your eyes, you couldn't help but notice it. His finger grazed over your lips as he slid one in your mouth, observing you from above the whole time, a sigh escaping his lips when he heard you gag.

‘’Suck on it...’’ he orders, ‘’please, darling’’

There was no plea in this tone, just authoritative command. You did as asked and he readjusted his legs. You guessed what was coming and you wanted this to be over, there was no escape but if sucking him off meant you got to be free you’d be more than willing to do that.

He unzips his pants, sliding them down together with his boxers as his cock springs free, he is probably the biggest you've ever seen and you feel anxious thinking of him in your mouth. He must’ve noticed because he chuckles and approaches you. You were about to shut your eyes and start the lewd act when he stepped aside and tied your wrists behind your back again. Left with your mouth hanging open, a victim to his merciless desires, he put his fingers in your mouth again. Your saliva coated the digits, which he removed and placed cautiously on his cock, stroking himself to the sight of you, stricken with fear and quivering, his good Sarasa, how he had failed to protect her,  as he continued to jerk himself off in front of you. The scene is lewd, his naked torso protruding over his ridiculously oversized feather coat, his cock oozing his precum and making wet sounds coming in contact with your saliva and a tormented face – his head's arched back and slow ‘’im sorry’’s exit his mouth. You feel a sting in your core looking at him and the vague bile you had in your throat makes you audibly gag. How can you be thinking like this right now? But your body isn't run by your superego, your moral compass doesn't dictate your body’s instincts as your legs are unconsciously brought together to alleviate the pain.

He is getting himself off, glancing at you, knowing you drink him in and his strokes become faster when he suddenly touches your lips with his thumb and parts your mouth only for an angry cock to slam against your throat without a warning, thrusting in and out of you. He hisses and grabs your head to push your mouth and nose all the way down, he wants his release and wants it now. You can't breathe or shout or protest in any way, only wiggling your tied hands and crying out in pain, which comes off as groans that reverberate on him and he crumbles, falling apart, moaning and shooting all his release down your throat. Snots and tears fall on his cock and he slowly removes himself.

‘’What a mess you made, darling’’ he sighs, composure quickly regained.

You were responsible for this? 

‘’I hope the camera is still on, because I am intending to punish you, Sarasa’’ he said. ‘’You only had one line, my angel, one line in the entire play and you couldn't make it. You know how much this upsets me?’’ his voice almost breaks, the whole ordeal messing you up even more.

You seriously couldn’t understand him at all, you wanted to get out, your throat already hurting from his penetration and fearing for the next part. You knew it would involve sex and shuddered at the realization he would have to touch you..down there. The thought that you had been wet up until he came in your mouth, the fact that he would soon enough know this, the fact that you had been involuntarily aiding his mission by complying to his cruel needs made you feel vile but you had no time to process that as you felt two arms cutting the ropes quickly, letting you free from the chair you were tied to. 

You jump up before realizing it, you’ll run you think (you really don't have time to think, you act solely on instinct) but his agility prevails once again, fast reflexes have your neck choked as he grabs you from behind, the knife with the black handle against your artery as you halt. 

‘’This was my last warning, sweetheart, please comply before it’s too late.’’ 

He is dragging you back, forcing you to turn around, his cock still free and semi hard, was he seriously turned on again by your futile attempts for freedom?

What a sick person he was.

He languidly sits on the chair with his coat draping and touching the floor as he positions you on his bare lap. You draw a sharp breath, as you feel him under you, a disgusting cock rubbing your clothed entrance as he sighs and pulls you in an embrace. He smells like cedar, you think, cedar and sweat as he brings his lips to yours, connecting them softly. You keep them shut, your eyes open and he knows it because he quickly pulls away. ‘’Darling, why don’t you kiss me?’’ he murmurs. You feel a sharp blade trailing down your spine, his knife moves to your sides and pokes at the flesh as he brings his lips close again. Your skirt reminds him of hers and it makes him desperate for closure, he'd protect her better this time, he thinks as his stiff cock touches your panties connecting your heat to his and making you softly whine, sounds you can't control. ‘’Please..’’ he whispers as you connect your lips to his. You let yourself get lost in the moment, your freedom is close but the more you think about it, the more anxious you become and his sadistic tendencies leave no space for slip ups. His mouth devours yours, as it clashes against you, his tongue overlapping yours, of course he'd be in control, while the knife rests on your lower back. You start grinding down his length, hands digging at the roots of his hair as you feel yourself lubricated against your will, you wanted this to be over, that’s what you tell yourself. 

With a hand behind your back holding the knife and the other one free, he decides to feel your silky softness, test it for himself, his good girl, how obedient she is under his touch, how eager to be punished for her wrongdoings. He teases your entrance, as he smears the wetness gathered around, you choke on a moan, your still functioning conscious and pride making you want to stay silent but that's impossible with a hand around your clit, a finger sliding with ease inside your walls, curling up and poking inside you. The knife also doesn't leave you with another choice.

‘’I want you to call out my name’’ he hums as he continues his rhythm, you are slowly coming undone on his fingers.

‘’W-what’s your name, sir?’’ you manage to breathe out in between thrusts, you’ve been trying to simultaneously fuck yourself on his fingers, the pressure building up steadily within you.

‘’Chrollo’’ 

What a funny name. 

‘’P-please..Chrollo’’ you whimper, it's when he decides to remove his fingers from you. 

‘’Oh, Sarasa’’ he sighs, ‘’you’ve misbehaved enough today, I really wanted to punish you, you know?’’ 

‘’N-no, p-please, Chrollo’’ you purr his name. At this point calling you Sarasa doesn't even bother you, you got accustomed to it some time ago. 

Something in the way you hum his name makes his eyes flicker and he wordlessly drops the knife behind him, as he squeezes his cock to line up with your entrance.

‘’Don’t think I don’t have other means to restrain you, darling’’ he mutters and pulls you down on him, giving you no time to adjust to his girth, the head slamming against your insides as you let out a lewd moan. 

‘’S-sir’’ you moan, as you're sucking him in, taking every inch as best as you can given the circumstance, you are dripping down his length, as large palms viciously grope your behind, smashing your hips down his pubic bone. Your pretty face bouncing atop him, wide eyes (oh these eyes) looking at his now fully darkened ones and he watches his pretty girl come apart, soft moans leaving your smudged lips, pigtails now fully disheveled as your hair bounces freely on your delicate shoulders. He observes your mouth, how beautiful it looks each time it curves and smiles at him, each time you’d tell him ‘’Look at what I found!’’ excitedly, a tape among the junk, a broken toy– you were his favorite companion. Chrollo feels himself jerk within your walls, you're trapping him inside and he won't last long. 

‘’Come for me, please’’ he hisses, pushing your hips in a way that has your clit touching his groin, you are gripping his hair fervently as you let out small ‘f-fuck 's (involuntarily, you convince yourself) and rock yourself on his length. 

He is inching you closer to your relief despite your disdain and you can tell he is there with you, parted mouth leaving shaky, pleading blabbers, as he grabs your hair and twists it in his palm, tugging at it harshly. You are forced to throw your head back so it gives him the opportunity to assault your neck, sucking and biting on it, the sensation tingling and arousing as you come apart, an orgasm taking over you.

‘’C-chrollo’’ you sing, pleasing him and making him groan and cum once again inside you, your core spasms and tightens, clit pulsating and muscles taut as he thrusts upwards to fill you up as much as anatomically possible, his cum seeping from within onto his thighs. He's marked you his twice and doesn't think he'll ever forget.

‘’My good girl’’ he exhales shakily, ‘’my precious, little girl’’ he continues, rubbing your back, as your weight falls on him, the knife tossed behind him looks at you and you shut your eyes.

-

Chrollo lets you go. He doesn’t order you a ride or have the blonde guy escort you. You have to walk 45 exhausting minutes to find a bus stop and even then, you hardly recognize the area. 

Chrollo leaves for the next 6 months, not communicating anything to the rest of the Troupe, people overestimate their closeness. He replays your video every night while he’s away fighting and earning (stealing) abilities, your beautiful, expressive eyes haunt his dreams, Sarasa would like you if she met you. Sarasa would make friends with you. Sarasa, you. What's the difference? 

He comes back only to find you sleeping, so peacefully he rejoices at the sight. Absolutely perfect and innocent, he tainted you and you didn’t even care? He smiles. He tells himself you're a bad girl for sleeping with your doors unlocked, just like Sarasa liked to wander on her own and look where that got her. Maybe the door wasn’t unlocked, it’s something he finds irrelevant now. He had kept his promise, he thinks. You should be grateful he’s honest.

#hunter x hunter #chrollo x reader #tw dark content #hxh fanfic #yandere chrollo #chrollo hxh #sarasa hxh #chrollo lucilfer x reader #chrollo lucilfer #chrollo smut #chrollo x you #tw psychosis #tw dubcon #tw noncon #corollaservant

[jinxed-ninjago]

Can we talk about Jay literally being psychotic and delusional at the beginning of Crystalized more

Like he LITERALLY fits the medical definitions of psychotic and delusional.

I’ve analyzed Jay’s mental stability before but there’s a reason his behavior is how it is at the beginning of Crystalized. Jay is literally the most mentally and emotionally unstable person on the ninja’s team. He needs to be around people to stay mentally and emotionally stable, and he lost that when he became a hermit.

In Jay’s case, mental and emotional instability leads to psychosis.

That psychosis is why he seemed to take Nya’s sacrifice worse than Kai. That psychosis is why he didn’t think anyone else cared that Nya was gone. That psychosis is why he was talking to glasses of water like they were Nya.

He was literally so detached from reality that he was experiencing delusions, and possibly hallucinations (specifically auditory ones in the form of hearing Nya speaking to him) to cope with losing Nya.

I can understand being upset with Jay’s behavior at the beginning of Crystalized, but I also don’t think it needs to be criticized from a writing standpoint. Jay’s mental health needs to be taken into account when we talk about how he grieves. He’s not mentally stable and frankly I don’t think he’s ever been whereas the rest of the team does pretty well staying grounded on their own, why is how Jay responded to Nya’s sacrifice so surprising? Because when you take Jay’s mental health into account it shouldn’t be surprising.

It’s even shown that once Jay regains some of that mental stability that requires he be around other people his grief is closer in exhibition to Kai’s.

But people still don’t acknowledge that the reason Jay acted like he was the only one who cared about Nya is because he was in a psychotic state, and I hate it. Jay’s psychosis in Crystalized NEEDS to be acknowledged more.

Also before someone brings up Tournament of Elements, Jay didn’t become a hermit in Tournament of Elements and thus was still around other people, which probably kept him sane and grounded. He literally retreated to the lighthouse prison and became a hermit after Seabound.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #ninjago jay #jay walker #tw psychosis #tw delusions #tw codependency #dude literally has dependency issues #and it is NEVER acknowledged

[mpregfrance]

ok hear me out on this

remember when fandom creators would take the whole 'england sees things that aren't real' canon and interpret that trait as him having a psychotic disorder?

and now we're saying that's cringe??

like yes it was usually done poorly. making light of psychotic/schizophrenic disorders or framing hallucinations as a silly goofy quirk in a 2012 fandom type of way is ultra ableist.

but when done in a respectful realistic way? there's a lot of potential there for neurodivergent arthur and i actually don't think it's cringe to take things like that and put a more serious spin on them. i think we should explore this more tbh.

btw having psychosis doesn't make you evil or 'crazy' it's more common than you'd assume and i think some of y'all are just ableist

#not the most coherent i had long strenuous day #that man has issues. respectfully #aph england #hws england #arthur kirkland #england hetalia #hetalia headcanons #hetalia meta #tw psychosis

[ikamigami]

Love and pisseace for everyone <3

#i'm not sorry #at all #lmao #sun and moon show #sams #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #sams meme #tw delusion #tw psychosis

[urfavisdisabled]

Our first post is Yuki Takeya from school live! SPOILERS

Yuki struggles from an unnamed psychotic disorder and is heavily implied to have ptsd and a developmental/intellectual disability. In the show she experiences frequent and severe delusions and hallucinations. She is eventually able to improve over the course of the series

Negative stereotypes? None! Despite experiencing psychosis Yuki is never seen as an evil person, nor does she fall into the "psychotic killer" stereotype

#school live! #gakkou gurashi #yuki takeya #psycosis #mental health #mental disability #disablity #actually disabled #mental health advocate #disability pride #chronically disabled #tw psychosis #spoliers #cw spoilers #school live spoilers #gakkou gurashi spoilers #anime spoilers #developmental disability #invisable disability #intellectual disability #idd

[floralcyanide]

𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 ⊹ 𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐲

Ethan Landry x Gender Neutral!Reader

Ethan is in love with you. But you aren't real.

warnings: visual and auditory hallucinations, psychosis, bipolar disorder, descriptions of such topics, one-sided feelings (technically)

word count: 1015

author's note: helloooo here is a little thing I wrote. I personally have bipolar disorder and have experienced psychosis. it's terrifying but I'm medicated for it now. I have had auditory hallucinations but have never had visual ones. if you suspect you're in psychosis or feel unsafe, please talk to someone.

masterlist | add yourself to the taglist here

this fic has been cross posted to ao3.

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.

Ethan scrubs his scalp, sighing as the hot water hits his back just right. It was late at night, probably in the AM at this point. He had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch and slept the whole evening away. Ethan needed the rest, though. He’s been severely depressed and on the verge of a psychotic episode. His episodes were relatively tame- he would lash out sometimes, but it wasn’t as bad as it used to be. He also had trouble sleeping but would eventually get his sleep routine back in check. Ethan also had weird hallucinations, seeing shadows in the corner of his eye and hearing his name being called when no one was there. And sometimes, although rarely nowadays, he’d see you. But then, shortly after his psychosis ended, you’d be gone.

As Ethan starts conditioning his hair, he hears weird things downstairs again. He chalks it up to his roommate, Chad, being awake still with some of his friends. But then he remembers Chad has an exam in the morning and would be asleep by now. Ethan ignores the sounds, hoping it’s his brain playing tricks on him with the sound of the shower water running. Once he starts running his soap over his body, he hears his name being called.

Ethan yanks the shower curtain open, checking to see if anyone is in the locked bathroom with him. He knows it’s locked because he checked several times, not because of OCD or anything, but because having a roommate means being walked in on if you aren’t careful. Ethan was glad that he only had bipolar disorder and the anxiety, depression, and other symptoms that came with that. He doesn’t know how he’d live having OCD. Bipolar is enough, especially with the super fun psychotic episodes that lasted weeks to months or the mania that was the same way. Ethan is lost in his thoughts as he rinses himself off and almost doesn’t hear his name being called again. Almost.

He sighs and turns off the shower, sliding the curtain open before grabbing his towel. He unlocks and opens the door to see the entire apartment is pitch black. No one is there. He begins to dry himself off, trying to ignore his name being faintly called. Ethan decides he needs to tell his doctor to up his medication dosage when he sees him next week. But the thing is, he doesn’t want to. 

“What do you want?” Ethan whispers to his reflection in the mirror, glancing behind him, waiting for the inevitable.

After waiting a minute, he tears his eyes away from the mirror to get dressed. Once he finishes, he returns to the mirror and nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Took you long enough.”

You’re standing there behind Ethan, just barely visible. Your voice is hushed and almost inaudible. The hallucinations of you that he used to get aren’t nearly as severe anymore. Ethan used to be able to touch you and feel you there. Sometimes he misses that.

“You aren’t supposed to be here, Y/N.”

“I know. But I’m still here, aren’t I?” you lay your head on his shoulder, looking at your reflections in the glass. 

Ethan can no longer feel your chin against his skin, your breath on his neck, or hear your voice quite as loudly as before.

“You’re fading,” Ethan wants to reach up for you, but he knows he won’t feel you there.

The longer he takes his medicine, the less frequent and less intense the hallucinations are. But he needed something stronger for you to go away completely. But he isn’t sure he wants that. He already misses you enough, although he’s starting to learn to live without you now.

“Yeah,” you sigh, pulling away from him, “But I’ll always be here,” you say, pointing at his heart.

Ethan feels his eyes burn with tears. Even though you aren’t real, something about you is. And that will always stay with him. He thinks the death of his brother and what he had done is what conjured you up. A psychotic break. One that was tapering off but still intense enough. But now that Ethan has a therapist, those feelings of unwavering anger, unforgiveness, sadness, grief, denial, and so on aren’t as bad. And when they were was when he’d see you the most.

“Your brother loves you, Ethan,” you say sadly, “He’d want what is best for you, you know.”

“And what would that be?” Ethan asks, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes to force the tears away.

“For you to let go and say goodbye.”

Ethan’s hand flies away from his eyes as they snap open. He looks down at you; you’re as real and visible as ever. Just as you were when you first appeared. Ethan hesitantly reaches out to touch your hair, and he cries when he feels the strands. He knows what you’re insinuating.

“I don’t want to,” Ethan frowns, his eyes looking into yours, drinking in their color because he knows this is the last time he’ll see them again.

“You have to, or you’ll never get better,” you pull Ethan’s hand from your hair and to your face, pressing his palm into your cheek.

You lean into his touch one last time.

“I will always love you,” you whisper.

“I love you too,” Ethan whispers back, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

He sighs, opening his eyes. You’re gone.

When Ethan wakes up the next morning, the apartment is eerily silent. For the first time in months, he doesn’t hear his brain buzzing constantly. And he doesn’t see you or hear you anymore. When Ethan tells his doctor about you, he’s concerned but dismisses it as he is no longer hallucinating. He puts Ethan on something stronger for his bipolar disorder and psychotic episodes. Ethan tells himself this is for his own good, and that you were never real. But the love he felt for you over the last 9 months was real. And he would never take that back.

#ethan landry #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x gender neutral reader #ghostface #scream #scream 6 #scream 2023 #slasher #ethan landry fanfiction #ethan landry fanfic #ethan landry fic #ethan landry imagine #angst #tw psychosis #tw hallucinations #ghostface fic #scream fanfiction #scream fanfic #scream fic #ghostface fanfiction #ghostface fanfic #slasher fic #floralcyanide writes #tw bipolar disorder

[problematic-alters-unsilenced]

cw cultural appropriation? descriptions of trauma (including CSEM, stalking, psychosis/mental health)

Not sure if it counts for this blog but three of our main protectors are siblings all of which are a creature from local native mythos, we're bodily white (well, we're technically metis (mixed white+indigenous) but we're just at the cutoff so just white ig) and we always get flack when we talk about any of those alters' source.

the reason they all split was because of a traumatic event where our mother was psychotic and we went through "shared psychosis" (never diagnosed, but we were psychotic while she was, had similar delusions, etc) about the creature(s) stalking us and our mother, about one posessing us (which was very likely just one of our alter's attempting to talk to us, she attempted to tell our mother to take us somewhere safer and get help) and about basically being chased out of the area. The event was traumatic in many other ways (specifically our mother selling nudes of us (at the time 14) for gas money) and anyways it all culminated in them all three splitting.

the issue arises when we tell people their origin without any context, they say we're culturally appropriating, but none of the alters want to "change their source" specifically because the trauma endured litwrally made them trauma holders in a specific way that only makes sense to our brain if they stay the same. we try to use language that's respectful (hence us not naming the thing in question, and frequently just saying they're shapeshifters rather than the whole truth) and its so fucking annoying that its one of our top reasons for wishing we weren't a system

that sucks.. we are white ourself so we cant talk for POC people but i feel like.. we really need to remember alters cant control their source, and they cant control why they were made.

#ramcoa #hc did #anti endogenic #anti endo #actually did #did osdd #actually osdd #did system #osdd system #dissociative identity disorder #did alter #did #low spoons #cultural apropriation #??? #tw stalking #tw csem #tw psychosis #tw delusion

[aristotels]

me: i mean, its not that bad, i have a p good grip on reality

the invisible entity in my head which controls my thoughts and actions: you should stop taking your antipsychotics they just make you blind to the actual reality

#tw psychosis

[samsrosary]

sam week day three : neurodivergent sam / mental health / trauma

#this is awful im so sorry HELP #tomorrow i have better more unique ideas #samweek2023 #sam winchester #my art #fanart #cage trauma #possible triggers: #tw ed #tw unreality #tw psychosis #tw abuse

[mossy-headstones]

I was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia (again) and I was hoping to find someone who I could talk about this stuff with just someone who relates and can talk openly about hallucinations

About me: I’m 18 and a man ,,,,, I love to write poetry, watch videos and learn about psychology ,,,,,,, I am non judgmental and looking for someone who is the same

My main schizophrenia symptom is hallucinations and I would love to talk about it with someone who understands

#mental ill meme #seriously schizophrenic #tw schizophrenia #schizo spectrum #schizophrenic spectrum #schizoposting #actually schizophrenic #schizophrenia #schizospec #schizoaffective #tw psychosis #actually psychotic #psychosis #bpd tag

[lifexxxdeath]

Reflecting on my last appointment with my psychologist and her talking about our experience with paranoia and psychosis and how it relates to our DID and BPD diagnosis' because it really changed how I thought about my symptoms.

DID paranoia (C-PTSD psychosis) isn't about feelings or thoughts being invalidated/rejected like BPD is. It's the belief, no matter how ridiculous, no matter how small, that the person/thing/place/etc is here to harm me because they've resembled a familiar PATTERN. Now the system thinks the body or mind is in danger and is reacting how it's made too. But we aren't in that danger anymore or the threat might be harmless or misinterpreted. I don't think this is talked about enough in DID spaces because "psychosis isn't in the diagnostic criteria for DID" but it can and is, definitely a symptom if you have C-PTSD, which a lot of systems do.

I think this is what makes relationships very hard for our system because even though we may be in a healthy relationship, there can still be things done/said that resembles an abuser, now we fully believe we are in danger regardless of all the evidence to the contrary that's provided to us.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told "sometimes you treat me like I'm them" or "you're reacting like I'm doing xyz" etc. I'm literally stuck in a psychosis loop due to xyz and to me, at this moment, you ARE that person. Even though in actual reality, you aren't that person and very far from it.

Idk if this makes ANY sense to anyone else but it definitely helps me and most of my head mates on how we think about our triggers and how we respond to things.

#tw psychosis #tw dissociate identity #tw cptsd #tw therapy #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative identities #dissociative amnesia #bpd tag #traumagenic did #actually dissociative #actually multiple #actually traumagenic #endos dni #endos do not interact #tw rant #tw triggers #plural #actually did

[pandora5things]

you’re “delulu” because you have a crush on someone. i’m delulu because i feel like there are bugs crawling inside my intestines and there are eyes on the walls. we are not the same.

#FUCK people who use the word delulu you are so annoying #you are not funny i promise #delulu #delusional #schizophrenia #tw psychosis #tw bugs

[daybringersol]

i think the reason that i love william wisp so much is that hes literally me when i was younger, like back when i was depressed, self-hating and refused to try cuz i was scared. i felt hollow, like there wasnt any personality left under that pain. at some point, the idea of getting better felt terrifying to me, cuz i didnt know what id find under all the pain and trauma, if there was even anything left under there.

// JRWI prime defenders S2 EP39 spoilers, tw for psychosis, derealisation and dissociation mentions

with this new era of william wisp, i wouldnt be surprised if I ended up relating to him even more. I think theres a lot of directions he could go towards, personality-wise, and even if he ends up not going the same route as me, i know that the idea itself of having to find yourself after so long spent hiding is gonna resonate with me no matter what.

another thing i find interesting is that i also got that moment when i realised that everything i wanted was at my fingertips, which was the catalyst for me eventually getting better. it was during my psychosis, this friend of mine (who i held in very high regards) ended up telling me off, i dont remember for what exactly (psychosis does funny things to your brain) but it was something related to me not trying to get better. they said something that triggered my derealisation, which of course, sent me into a derealisation/dissociation spiral for some months, and basically straight to rock bottom. of course, i wouldnt recommend that you do that for your friends who are going through similar stuff, im pretty sure i could have died multiple times back then, but in the end, its what pulled me through to where im at now.

i dont remember everything, but basically, the thought process was : nothing is real, its all made up in my head, so theres nothing stopping me from imagining a world where im happy and living in it. i wrote a poem about it, not my best work for obvious reasons, but theres still something to it i think. here :

I want to see tomorrow

I’ve been wishing my whole life for the strength to say "I'm doing great!" when someone ask me how I am

I've always had that strength

I can just say it

It's just 4 words

I

am

Doing

Great

Easy, see?

It doesn't matter if it's false

Or if the tone of my voice was off

Or if the way my eyes naturally met the ground as soon as you entered the room

It doesn't matter

So what, if I'm lying?

In a fraction of second, I might not be lying anymore

No

In a fraction of second, I won't be lying

I've been making planets and universes in my head since I could think

I never thought of making one where I was happy

Why should it matter if it's only in my head

My head is real, it's right there

And in the end, all the other stuff too was in my head

I can trust you

I can have friends

I can be myself

I can have my body back

I can be beautiful

Inside and out

I choose what is true and what is not

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to you

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself

In the end, we could be both only in my head

It wouldn't matter

So yeah

I want to see tomorrow

Even if it's raining and even if I don't even notice it's raining

I'll just close my eyes, and I'll have everything I've always wanted

so yea ! even if of course the superpower thing and coming back to life thing isnt very realistic, as a metaphor, williams story makes complete sense. i felt dead, back then. and i truly feel like a different person now.

and im looking forward to see where the story takes him in the future !

#jrwi show #jrwi podcast #jrwi prime defenders #solsthoughts #jrwi william #william wisp #jrwi spoilers #tw psychosis #tw derealization #tw dissociation

[ikamigami]

IMPORTANT

To all of those people who say that Sun can drink alcohol, I'm here to tell you one thing:

With such serious mental disorder as Sun has, he shouldn't drink alcohol.

Before someone tell me that he's robot so it doesn't matter, he sounded intoxicated when Moon and Solar went to check on him which implies it has an effect on him. So it matters.

And I'm very ashamed of all adults in this fandom who act like it's all fine.

No one who suffers from disorders with psychotic features or schizophrenia or shizoaffective disorders should drink alcohol.

Also you shouldn't drink daily to relax because it can lead to a development of alcohol addiction.

And no one should drink a bottle of wine a day because it's great risk to your health. Both physical and mental.

Another thing to note is that it seems that some people forgot that show implied that Sun most definitely has some sort of psychosis. And people who think that Sun can't have any other disorder alongside GAD are completely wrong.

Please, people educate yourselves on mental health first before you start talking nonsense.

It's important to look on more information on this topic other than your own experiences. Yes, your experiences are valid but they're limited only to you.

#sun and moon show #sams #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #tw mental health #tw alcoholism #tw psychosis #tw anxiety #tw schizophrenia #tw depression #tw depressive psychosis

[existential-cryptid]

you go to fix yourself in the mirror, at this point it's more of an empty habit than an actual gesture.

your reflection has been missing for months now.

while washing your face, you hear a loud crash from your bedroom. you dash into the room, but nothing is there.

on your way out, you catch a glimpse in the mirror and startle. your reflection has returned, it's staring at your back with a wicked look on its face.

it looks misshapen, almost as if it's dying.

it cocks it's head to the side, as it slinks into the hallway. you suddenly miss it's prolonged absence

#midwest gothic #wisconsin gothic #cryptic #cryptid #american gothic #southern gothic #regional gothic #liminal #tw paranoia #tw psychosis #i rly dont wanna trigger anybody apologies #elder spirits #elder gods #borderline horror

[gaybitch-3000]

there is something seriously wrong with me (≧∇≦)

#yamikawaii #menhera #menhara #kawaiicore #traumacore #tw psychosis