#tw drug addiction

[neonghostlights]

Chapter Three: Reflections, A Bench and Boardwalk Lights

A/N: I haven't been feeling very sure about my writing lately. Sorry if this sucks. Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Eddie Munson left you behind to chase his dreams before suddenly disappearing. When he shows up 5 years later, will he be able to work his way back into your heart?

Warnings: Discussion of past drug use and addiction, Abandonment, Mention of Heart attack and health issues, Very brief mention of Medication, Cussing, If I missed anything please let me know, 18+ Only Minors DNI

Word Count: 4.5k

Series Masterlist

You would hate to admit the amount of time you stood in front of the mirror. 

It had been several hours since you had spoken to Eddie outside the conference room earlier that day. It had been enough time to have the chance to squeeze in a nap, order some room service to fuel yourself, and to call Wayne to check on him. 

You kept the conversation with Wayne short to not reveal the massive shock that you’ve had since being here. You hung up the phone with guilt heavy on your chest. It felt like you were lying to him by not telling him everything but it was for his sake and yours. You thought it would be best to break the news to him about Eddie when you were with him in Hawkins since you weren’t sure how he would take it. 

You didn’t know if you could handle another scare with Wayne.

By the way the conversation on the phone went, it was impossible to tell if you were able to convince him that nothing was wrong and you were having a good time. You had to remember that Wayne was the man that single handedly raised Eddie and was always able to see through his bullshit. 

You applied some more chapstick to your lips. It felt like you were a teenager again. Getting all dolled up to see your crush for a late night rendezvous. If you had a net, you would trap those pesky butterflies that were fluttering about in your gut. 

You hadn’t brought many casual clothes with you on the trip. Just some jean shorts and a t-shirt just in case you did decide to sneak away to the beach while you were here. You were glad you decided to bring them so you wouldn’t have to go down there and meet him in your professional work clothes. That would have been awkward. 

It was just Eddie afterall, the guy who had taken care of you during a violent bout of food poisoning from the restaurant he took you to for your one year anniversary all those years ago. 

If you two weren’t already close after one year, then that surely took care of it. 

Despite the butterflies, you had mentally gone back and forth the whole time you got ready on if you wanted to actually go down to meet Eddie or not. Part of you thought that maybe you didn’t want to hear what he had to say, afraid that it would ruin the vision of Eddie that you had held onto for so many years. Would what you learned tonight destroy all of the sweet memories you two had shared? Prior to the break up things had gone so well. Yeah, Eddie was immature and flighty at times but he always made it up to you in his charming way.  There was no doubt in your mind that you had loved him despite everything. 

You wondered if the years and distance had given your mind a better version of Eddie than he actually was. 

A part of you raged at the thought of leaving this hotel tomorrow morning without giving him a piece of your mind.

You hated having to wonder this, but would he really care if you told him how much he affected Wayne’s health? 

The old Eddie you knew would care. He would be horrified to hear what had happened. In reality though, you didn’t know this new Eddie at all. 

Who was he now? You didn’t see a ring on his finger down at the restaurant but that doesn’t mean you didn’t miss it. Was he married now? Did he have kids? A family? A lot can happen in five years as you were well aware. 

Did he create a whole new life while you were mourning him? 

The reminder that he is now a stranger wearing a familiar face made you decide that you would not go down to talk to him. 

It was after nine o’clock by the time you changed your mind. Again. 

You were running fifteen minutes late and it had taken a lot of back and forth to talk yourself  into leaving the room.

The sandals on your feet echoed against the polished floor as you speed walked to the elevator. What if you had wasted so much time upstairs arguing with your reflection in the hotel mirror that you had missed your one and only chance at answers?

You pushed the lobby button to the elevator repeatedly once you made it inside, hoping that would make it move faster. The elevator jolted as it caught up to your button pushing, making your stomach flip as it descended. 

You practically ran out of the automatic doors when it dinged to let you know you reached the lobby. The poor traction on your shoes caused your feet to go sliding for a moment before regaining your footing and speed walking into the vast room.

The polished man working behind the reception desk gave you a strange look. You gave him one back. This might be a fancy hotel with a lot of business people, but this town was also a beach destination in California. You standing in the lobby clutching your chest and panting definitely wasn’t the weirdest thing he had ever seen. 

The enormous lobby was practically empty except for a few wandering people either coming in or leaving. Your eyes darted back and forth, hoping that Eddie hadn’t left because you were late. 

Finally, you spotted a pair of denim clad legs sticking out from the side of a chair across the room. You shuffled forward, wiping your hands on your shirt to combat the clamminess.

“Eddie?” You asked with a shaky voice, still breathless from your rushing. 

He whipped his head around in the high back chair, trying to get a good look at you. Once he confirmed it was you, he stood quickly. 

“Hey,” he greeted you. He was dressed the same as when you had seen him earlier in the day. It was funny how he looked good dressed up in his waiter uniform but also dressed down like this. The younger version of you, the one that you had been fighting all evening, felt their heart skip a beat. 

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

“Yeah. No problem,” he said as he fiddled with the rings on his hands, the same ones from five years ago. “There’s a spot we can go to talk if you want?” He asked as he eyed a few men in suits that walked through the lobby past you. 

“Close by?” You trusted Eddie enough to know he wouldn’t allow you to be harmed, but you weren’t sure about running around the streets at night in a strange city. 

“Yeah, right down the street.” He must have noticed your wariness because then he said, “If that’s okay with you? We can stay here if you want.” 

“No. It’s fine. We can go. Lead the way,” you gestured your arms in front of you, prompting him to show you where to go. 

And with that, you let Eddie lead you out of the hotel. 

The walk to wherever you were going was silent besides the sound of people around you and honking car horns. 

The hotel was located in a busy beach district. You think that’s how these conferences get so many people to come, by promising them a relaxing day at the beach but instead you spend most of your time locked in a meeting room. 

The closer you got to the beach, you could see the pier ablaze with activity. A ferris wheel spun around with bright flashing lights and the smell of popcorn and fried food permeated the air making your mouth water. 

You thought at first that maybe that was where Eddie was taking you to, but instead of ending up on the pier he took you down to the right where a bench sat on the boardwalk. 

The site of the attractions on the pier  made you think of the time you and Eddie had gone to the annual Hawkins carnival. He was so funny then, so lighthearted. Nothing like the quiet anxious stranger that walked tensely beside you. You remember laughing so hard with him that your side would hurt. That night at the fair, he had kissed you when the ferris wheel reached the top. It wasn’t the first kiss you two had shared, but it was the sweetest, the taste of cotton candy and young love melting on both of your tongues. 

You let out a sigh at the thought. Life used to be so simple. Love used to be a hopeful concept to you. Now, you were ashamed to admit you were bitter. You hadn’t been on a real date in forever. Besides the occasional fling, most of your nights were spent with either Lissa or your cat. 

It was dark out, but people still busied around. A few coming and going from the pier while others were on night time walks that were well illuminated by the boardwalk lights.

The ocean was too dark to get a good look at, but you could see the sand glittering like little stars, reflecting the lights around them. You could hear the waves crashing loudly, battling the noises of the tourists around it. 

Eddie sat beside you on the bench, silent for a moment before speaking. “I should have brought you here during the day. I remember back then you always wanted to see the ocean. I didn’t know if you had the chance to go yet or not…” He trailed off. 

“Nope. This is my first time,” you admitted. 

“Sorry,” he apologized. You wanted to ask what for, but you weren’t sure even he knew the reason. “Figured you would’ve come out here with your boyfriend earlier.” 

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. Of course he had to bring up Vance. Vance that you were sure was knocking on your hotel room door by now since you told him you were going to bed early and definitely not going out to meet a certain pretty, long haired waiter. You weren’t shocked when Vance admitted he heard the conversation between you and Eddie when he asked you to meet earlier. After some persuading, Vance had gone out with your boss and a few other coworkers for dinner and he was probably back at the hotel by now. 

Eddie caught on to your eye roll. “What?”

“You haven’t seen me in five years and you're more worried about my boyfriend than me,” you said with a shrug. 

“I just didn’t think that guy would be your type.”

Funny because Vance had said the same thing about Eddie back at the restaurant. You wanted to laugh, but you also didn’t want to let Eddie in on the joke. 

“I guess you don’t know my type anymore, Eddie,” you replied. 

He winced. “Yeah, guess you’re right. How have you been though?”

This time you did let out a laugh. “Cut the bullshit pleasantries, Eddie. Where the hell have you been? We all thought you were dead.”

Eddie took a deep breath of the saltwater air. “It’s a long story.”

“I think we have some time,” you said, not mentioning that you had a morning flight and actually didn’t have that much time. But if you rushed him, he might not give you the whole story. If it came down to it then you would just have to sleep on the airplane. 

“Right, well. You remember when I left Hawkins to come out here to California because that lady at The Hideout promised she could help us make it big?”

You nodded, bitterness brewing in your veins. When he had mentioned her when he was breaking up with you, he had said she promised them the world. Over the years, you wondered if he followed her for more than that. You wondered if there had been something else going on between them when he left. 

“Yeah. That was bullshit,” he started, pulling you out of your thoughts. “We came out to LA and it was okay for a couple of months. Me and the rest of the band were all crashing together and it was a lot of fun. Until we realized that she had stolen our money and took off. The guys headed back to Hawkins after that,” he explained. 

“Wayne called me when that happened. Right before I left school for winter break. He told me all the guys came back to Hawkins because they got scammed but you didn't come with them and it had been a few months without you,” you informed him. 

“I was going to come back with them at first but then I realized how much of a disappointment I would be if I did. I figured I could stay out here for just a few months longer and give it a shot on my own. But that didn’t work out..” he trailed off. 

“Why didn’t you call and tell anyone that? You could have at least written a damn letter. Like I just said, we thought you were dead,” you said harshly. His excuses weren’t good enough for you. 

“The plan always was to make it big and come back and get you. I need you to know I really planned on coming back for you. To me it wasn’t a break up, I just needed to focus on making all of our lives better. I watched Wayne struggle with bills all of the time and you were so damn responsible for the both of us. I didn’t want to hold you back anymore and that’s exactly what would have kept happening if I stayed. It wasn’t fair to either of you for me to sit around and do nothing anymore. It had been on my mind a lot at that time so when we got the offer I jumped on it. I thought I would get all this money and I could prove to you and Wayne that I wasn’t stupid after all,” he let out a dry laugh that told you what he was thinking wasn’t funny at all. “When it became pretty obvious I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was about to call it quits and come home, I got mixed up with a bad crowd in LA.”

You wanted to tell him that he was never stupid. He was creative, smart, and wonderful. But your mind couldn’t get past what he meant by getting in with a bad crowd. 

“How bad of a crowd?”

“Drugs,” he admitted after a brief silence, searching your face to see your reaction. 

Your heart sunk all the way to your gut while your blood chilled. You couldn’t tell if it was the ocean breeze causing you to shiver or the heaviness of what he was telling you. Eddie noticed your goosebumps and stripped off his leather jacket, handing it over for you to slip on. You didn’t fight him on it. The warmth felt so good surrounding you when you put it on. 

Eddie had dealt drugs back in Hawkins but that was just weed. He never messed with anything else. 

“What kind of drugs?” you asked, your voice shaking from your shock. 

“I don’t really want to get into that. They aren’t important any more.” 

You nodded, allowing him to start talking again. He seemed okay now but if it was that bad for him that he couldn’t come home, then what all did he go through out here?

“I’m clean now,” he said quickly. He must’ve seen where your thoughts were going. 

“I’m proud of you. And I’m so sorry you went through that. I just want you to know neither me or Wayne thought you were a disappointment. We just wanted you to come back.” And you meant it. Eddie looked at you like he didn’t believe it but then you saw it, the hint of sadness in his eyes. You wondered how long it had been since someone told him they were proud of him.

“It was bad for a few years. I didn’t realize how bad it was until one day I saw this damn ladybug.” 

“A ladybug?” You asked, not following what he was talking about. 

“Remember that one time we were sitting out on the picnic tables by the trailer?  You were trying to get me to study for some test. And I told you it didn’t matter because I was going to fail anyways? Well right after I said that, a ladybug landed on my nose. I tried to squash it but you yelled at me and told me it was supposed to mean goodluck.”

You nodded, vaguely remembering that day. It was funny seeing Eddie flailing from a harmless little bug. 

“I saw a ladybug and it made me think of you,” he admitted sheepishly. “I remembered what you said and I took it as a sign. I guess it kind of brought me back to reality a bit. After that, my buddy I had met when I first got here helped me get clean, get a job, and basically that’s what I’ve been doing since,” he explained like it was that simple. It was not that simple. 

“How long have you been clean?” You asked, scared to know the answer. 

“A little bit over a year,” he admitted. “I’ve been working at the hotel restaurant ever since.”

You weren’t sure what to say. You were angry that Eddie had gone through that, but also so proud that he made it out. 

Eddie took your speechlessness as a sign to keep going. “I still didn’t call after that because I didn’t want you or Wayne to know what I did and what I got into. I figured you would think that I just started over out here. I didn’t want you to think I was dead, but I also didn’t want to admit how much of a god damn failure I am. And I remembered how mad you were at me and how much I hurt you and I thought that you would just be better off without me in your life at all. ”

“You are not a failure.” You shook your head forcefully. “When you didn’t come back I blamed myself. I am so mad at you still, Eddie. I would’ve come down here in a heartbeat and helped you.”

Guilt pounded at you. There were times you had been hard on Eddie to get his shit together. You didn’t realize you were hurting him instead of helping him. 

You couldn’t help but feel like this was all your fault. 

Eddie sighed, leaning his head back and looking at the sky before he shook his head at your words. “I know you would have but you didn’t need to see me like that. You still have every right to be mad at me though.”

“I know.” You sighed. 

Eddie smiled at your answer. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw you at that table. I couldn’t believe that you were here. After all this time going back and forth on whether or not to go home and you just show up here.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I knew you’d be successful. I mean, what’ve you been up to? What’s your life like now?”

You shook your head, becoming angry again because this whole conversation he hasn’t asked about the one person who is supposed to be the most important to him. “You’re not even going to ask how your uncle is doing?”

Eddie sputtered for a moment. “Do you know how Wayne is doing?”

You looked back at him wide eyed. “What do you mean? Of course I know how Wayne is doing. Who do you think has been taking care of him since you left?”

It was a low blow. And Wayne didn’t exactly need taking care of. But it was still the truth. Eddie left and you stepped up to the plate. 

“What do you mean taking care of him? Is he alright?” Eddie sounded frantic now as he leaned closer to you. 

“He’s fine,” you said calmly. “But he’s got some health issues now.”

“Like?”

You fumbled, not sure how to break the news to Eddie. “About a year and a half after you disappeared, I got a phone call in the middle of the night because Wayne decided he was going to drive out to LA and find you himself without telling anyone. He made it all the way to Colorado before he had a heart attack on the side of the road. It was mild. He’s fine. I get him his medicine once a month. I make sure he goes to all of his doctors appointments. He had to cut back hours at the plant so I help him with his bills even though he fights me on it every time. I even tried to get him to move to Indianapolis to be closer to me just in case but he won’t because he’s afraid if you come back you won’t know where to find him and I just-” The strange look on Eddie’s face made you stop your rambling. 

“You do all of that for him?” His voice was breathy like he couldn’t believe it. 

“Of course I do. I wasn’t just going to abandon him too.”

Eddie nodded sadly as he processed your words, knowing that you weren’t wrong. “Does he know?”

“No. I talked to him earlier to check on him but I couldn’t tell him over the phone. I have to do it gently.”

Eddie dropped his head in his hands from shame.“I don’t know how to thank you for taking care of him when I couldn’t. I’ll make it up to the both of you, I promise. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt more than they already were. He’s really okay though?” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. You could see the tears shining in his eyes, illuminated from the lights around you. 

“He just needs to take it easy, but you know how he is,” you admitted with a shrug. 

“I really thought he would be okay without me…”

“He is okay. He just misses you, Eddie. Promise me if you make things right with him that you won’t just disappear and break his heart all over again. I don’t think he can take it.” 

You wanted to add that you couldn’t take it if he broke your heart again too. But he didn’t owe you anything. 

“I won’t. I promise I’ll make it right. Seeing you here was the sign I needed. I’ll fix this…” He trailed off looking at you with a thoughtful expression. “Besides taking care of Wayne, tell me about your life now,” he requested. 

So you did. You told him about your job. Your best friend, Lissa, and your cat, Junie, that had the attitude of a teenager. You told him about your apartment in Indianapolis that you might have to give up to move back to Hawkins eventually to be closer to your parents and Wayne. You told him that you were trying to get a promotion at work, hence why you came on this trip anyways. And lastly, you told him that Vance was not your boyfriend. 

“Wait so that asshole that kept touching you last night was not your boyfriend?” He asked incredulously. 

“No. Just a coworker that can’t take a hint.” You shrugged. 

Eddie shook his head, his jaw tensed and hands in fists on his lap. “You want me to talk to him?”

“I have to work with him. You’ll just make it worse. Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend out here or something?” 

Eddie looked at you confused. That question had really come out of nowhere. “Of course I don’t.”

You hated to admit you were surprised but also relieved. “What about that lady that you followed out here? You two never had a thing?” You hated how forced your nonchalance sounded. You knew he could read right through it. 

Eddie let out a laugh. “Baby, no. There was never anything like that. I did tell you she was like sixty years old right?”

Baby. He had called you baby. A jolt traveled through your heart at his words. Did he really mean it when he said it or was it just a cruel slip of the tongue? 

“No,” you admitted slowly. 

Eddie shook his head. “It was just business until she stole from us. Nothing more. I promise.”

You looked down at the ground instead of saying anything else. 

“When do you leave?” He finally asked. 

“I have a flight in the morning,” you said, looking at him to see what he would say. 

“Shit. And it’s getting late. I’ll walk you back,” announced before reluctantly standing, sticking his hand out for you to grab and pull yourself up.

The walk back wasn’t as silent as the walk there. You both moved slowly, neither of you wanting to admit that you didn’t want the night to end. Eddie took his time pointing out which stores were scams and which ones he had funny stories about. He also told you how to get to his apartment from the hotel even though you would never have the chance to go there. You felt like he was telling you just in case. 

 There was something between you and Eddie that you couldn’t deny. It was obvious that five years hadn’t healed you like you thought it would. Especially since you were able to intensely feel all of the emotions you had been locking away by just being near Eddie for a short amount of time. 

You wondered if Eddie could feel it too. The spark in the air that was mixing with the salt water. You were still pissed at the situation but you wanted to understand what he went through. You wanted to be patient with him like you used to be before the world gave you a hard shell. 

Eddie escorted you back up to your hotel room, letting you know he’ll be fine walking back to his apartment alone.  You both paused in front of the room door, neither of you sure what to say next. You stripped off his jacket, handing it back to him even though you wanted to keep it forever. 

You were about to ask him the question, the big ‘now what?’

But before you could, Eddie had pulled you into a bone crushing hug. You were shocked, at first, but found yourself breathing him in and leaning into his embrace. 

“I miss you,” he whispered into the side of your head. His breath blowing over the sensitive skin of your neck gave you chills.

“I miss you too,” you admitted softly. 

He pulled back, taking another look at your face like he was trying to memorize every feature. 

“Do you want to come inside for a little bit?” You asked softly, not ready for the night to end. 

You braced yourself for what he might say.

Your heart fluttered when he said yes. 

#eddie munson au #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson series #eddie munson imagine #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem reader #tw drug addiction #tw addiction

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Hazbin Hotel Rewrite; Opening up at the Bar

From what I seen from hh with how it handles sa topics, it's very...questionable. Now the show hasn't still come out yet so I won't go into detail about it, but with how they use the song 'poison' and behind the scenes of it (viv making a sex joke as marketing the song and the lead storyboard shipping val x angel despite what it's meant to portray in canon) makes it understandable for people to critque the show's portrayal of it. So for here, I want to approach Angel's truama as respectfully as I can with Angel opening up to Husk as it seems to be the same episode where both of them improve their relationship. I hope I'm able to address sa well because I know it's a very delicate topic that shouldn't be written lightly (especially for truama responses like hypersexuality) so if you have any problems with how I written it and how I should change it, please let me know. I will rewrite it until I portray this topic properly and credit you for your critque/help (unless you don't want to)

Content Warning; SA and mention of drug/alcohol addiction

A bar full of bottles and boozes sitting there in windless silence, aching for their next customer. Its emptiness is numbing, the stranded desert of this hotel. Husk, tapping his fingers in rhythm, halts it as though the ticking of a clock stops and sighs in relief, grateful that his work is now done. He takes a bottle of booze, fulfilling its fate as he opens the lid to drain it all down, until he hears the door creaking. 

He groans “Oh it’s you,” as Angel Dust drags himself towards the bar, collapsing his face to the poseur table. “What do you want now? Bar’s gonna close soon. So hurry up.” 

Angel’s face tilts up. “A drink, please.” His voice is soft yet hoarse.

Husk rolls his eyes, wishing for that sweet graveness to enter this bar once again. He goes through his bottles. “Which one?” He asks with a hostile glare.

“Any.”

Angel Dust slowly lifts himself up from the table, staring in discomfort at Husk grabbing a random bottle from his shelf, a sense of dread lingers onto him. 

“Husk…” His voice grows quiet.

“What?”

“I’m…sorry.” His eyes not meeting Husk’s gaze. 

“For what?” He responds snappily, placing one hand to his hip.

“For earlier…” Angel answers, his eyes still refusing to see Husks. “For saying and doing all those weird things to you, I'm sorry.”

His grouchy face still remains. “Whatever,” firmly placing the bottle to the table and swishing it towards Angel. “Don’t do that again.”

“Yeah,” his body tenses, “I hope so…”

Husk brows raised. “Hope so? What do you mean?”

The question hangs on as Angel Dust fiddles their hands, looking down at the wooden dry floor. The room has been fogged in silence as Husk finds himself repeatedly tapping his fingers, wondering when the clock will finally end its grating tick. 

“Well…” His voice quivers, tracing his eyes back to Husks. “I don’t know…”

Husk’s face turned puzzled. “The hell you mean you don't know?!” 

“I-” Angel pauses himself for a moment, “I don't know. I just don’t know.” His face bangs on the table as his arms come to cover.

“Ah well, might just be a you problem then.” He cackles at his own joke, with hollow applause. 

Angel huffs, “That’s what you all think.” His voice became more irritated. 

Husk’s laughter abrupt into cold stillness, his voice freezes with the rest of his body. 

Angel continues, “All of you think i’m just some dirty sex pest, huh? A running sex joke?” Anger starts to rise through his voice, “Even Charlie thinks what I do is just who I am- like I chose this!” He cuts himself off, facing down to the lifeless floor again. “Like I chose this…”

Husk words vanished, his voice having trouble coming out of his mouth. All he could do is stand there, watching Angel Dust ponder through his thoughts. 

“You know I don’t actually like being sexual twenty-four seven? Crazy right?” He formed a smile, though not by sweetness, but by bitterness. “I don’t actually like making endless sex jokes or dirty talk, I don’t actually like to constantly fantasise or masturbate or sleep around with a bunch of nobodies,” bitterness starts to spread through his voice, “and I especially don’t like working in that place!” He holds his breath, exhaling to serene air. “But I do it anyway, no matter how hard I try.” His finger scratched the table harshly with a melancholic frown. “I don’t know what is wrong with me, I didn’t used to be like this, it was only after-” Angel cuts himself off as his body starts trembling. He places a heart on his hand, feeling the rapid sounds of his heartbeat. “After…” He slows himself, unable to muster anything else to speak of. 

His eyes lift to Husk, seeing the statue that he became, his widened pupils not even taking one blink. Angel’s face rose with worry, “Oh uh…sorry.” He murmurs. “Sorry, I’ll just take the booze or-”

“Go on.” Husk's voice comes back again.

“W-what?” He quivers, taken aback by what he heard.

“Go on…” Husk's voice trails off, still a statue of himself.

Angel Dust pursed his lips, facing down once more. “There was a time back then, when I sneaked into a bar for some alcohol, the thing that helped me most when I was alive. There was a really fancy bottle, porcelain white shimmering with bubbles, I couldn’t help myself. I had to have it. Then he caught me, I thought he would kill me. Instead, he made a deal; that if I work in his business, I won’t need to steal anything or even need a place to stay…” He breaks off, his fingers scraping themselves to a shell. “So I worked as one of his sex workers; a stripper for his bars, an actor for his films, anything to do with sex, really. It wasn’t what I was always interested in, but it felt…better? Being more open and honest about myself that I never got to do on earth. That is, until I came back to his home…He told me he wanted to show me something, my ‘reward’...” He holds back on his words, wrapping his arms around in a warm embrace. “After that, I…I don't know, I guess that’s where I started becoming more sexual. It’s like a switch where my mind now constantly thinks about sex, even if it’s not what I want. It’s my poison.” He holds onto his words again, reflecting his thoughts. “Maybe it’s a way of control, to take back what he did to me, not letting him hurt me…but is it any good if you can’t control it yourself?” He finds himself eyeing at the bottle of toxicated liquid. “That’s why I came here, I couldn’t find any drugs. So alcohol will just have to do.”

Husk exhales a quiet breath, with Angel’s words stalling through his mind. He saw Angel reaching for the bottle. “Wait!” He alerts, taking the bottle before Angel could have the chance. Angel looks at him, confound. “Why?” Husk fell silent, wavering on his memory like a lightning struck in a bottle. He places the bottle back to its fateless place and starts rummaging through the tea bags until one reads ‘Black Caravan Tea’. He places the tea bag in a muggy cup and clicks the kettle to brew. Minutes go by as the kettle finally makes its thump, breaking Husks trance as he pours the steamy water onto the cup and gently pushes it over to Angel. “Here” He says softly. “Careful, it’s hot.” Angel slowly directs his eyes to the hot tea, then back to Husk, his mouth making a quiet gasp. “I know it’s not much,” He adds. “But for you, I hope it can be enough.”

Angel dust calmly blows the steam off his tea and takes a sip, warm smoky sweetness filling his mouth in peaceful bliss. He continues sipping it at a slow pace, enjoying each moment with him and his magical tea, transforming his mind to ocean waves, hearing its soothing whooshes and the pleasant echoes of bird’s chirping. After taking one last sip, he notices Husk with his own muggy cup, cooling off the steam before slurping down the whole tea to an empty cup. His grouchy face disappeared, replacing it with a genial smile; friendly and relaxed. Like warming his face with radiant golden sunlight. 

“What’s this?” Angel asks as soon as Husk tastes his last drop.

“Black Caravan.” Husk replies, licking his lips. “My Babushka always makes this tea, saying ‘If you get upset, don’t waste your mouth with vodka, relish it with Caravan.’” He glimpses away from Angel dust, shining a little star in his eyes before glaring at the shelves of bottles and boozes. “Heh, no wonder I hadn’t remembered…” 

Angel snickers. “My Nonno says something similar. He said; ‘You don’t stuff your mouth with alcohol, you stuff it with Frittelie!’” They both chuckle with each other, reminiscing of their old lives before the room went to silence. Both eyes looking away from each other as Angel proceeds to fiddle with his hands and Husk tapping his table, now only slow and with no rhythm. A clock’s final strikes till midnight. “You know,” He spoke solemnly. “After you're done with work and all, instead of finding drugs, you can come straight here to talk or have some tea. Either one or both to get off some steam.” 

Angel glances back to Husk’s sentimental gaze, his eyes lit up. “You’ll…You’ll do that?”

“Yeah.” He responds, keeping his gaze to Angel Dusts. “I’d do. For you…”

Their eyes locked in their gazes, their beating hearts twined to one another. Angel’s eyes turn away from the burning faint shades of pink of his face, looking steadily at the cup. “Yeah,” a small line shaped to a tender smile, “I’d like that.”

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin critical #hazbin criticism #hazbin critique #hazbin hotel rewrite #tw sa #tw sa mention #tw sa implied #tw drug use #tw drug addiction #tw drug mention #tw alcohol #tw alcohol addiction #tw alchohol mention

[loonybun]

hi guys i’m here to talk about drugging and whump. and not in the ways you may think!

(put under cut for topics of drug addiction)

an idea i’ve been absolutely obsessed with is a whumper who regularly gives whumpee addictive drugs. like just imagine the possibilities for a second. whumpee feels dependent on whumper, and even if they ever try to run away, they’ll experience drawback symptoms that might just be strong enough to bring them right back. bonus points if it’s a drug that only whumper has access to so whumpee literally doesn’t have a choice. sorry im normal

another thing is not letting whumpee know that they’re being drugged. maybe whumper frames it as a supplement or gives it to them in a more conspicuous way. then when whumpee leaves and starts experiencing drawback they just get hella conflicted on why they feel so sick whenever they’re not around whumper.

#whump community #whump #whumpblr #whump writing #whump prompt #lab whump #sadistic whumper #drug whump #drugging #tw drugs #tw drug addiction #medical whump #domestic whump #pet whump #so normal about this #this is so vian you people don’t understand #this is literally just what vian does #like oh sweetie you need to take your meds #BAM 💥 addiction.

[cheetahf]

The fact that ctommy has a sort of addiction to invis potions because not being there made him feel truely happy for the first time since L’manberg is so sad. He resorted to drugs as a coping mechanism just is so telling of how he thinks he can’t be fixed. Him being happy because of drugs it’s heartbreaking. He wanted to be out of the spotlight, away from people because he believes he’s the problem. He hates himself so much and goes to the last resort so he could finally feel something.

#c!tommy #dream smp #tommyinnit #dsmp #liveblogging #tw drugs #tw drug addiction #dsmp tommyinnit #tw self hatred #<— not me but ctommy

[yikesharringrove]

He doesn’t know why, but he’s laying down.

It’s the first thing he realizes. A stupid thing to notice, but just one minute ago, he was standing behind the counter at Family Video, and now he’s laying down.

His eyes are heavy, and it feels like it takes a huge amount of effort just to open them.

He’s in a fucking hospital.

He knows from the stupid white color of the stupid drop ceiling tiles. From the stupid annoying beeping of the stupid heart monitor. From the stupid scratchy gown he’s wearing instead of his sweater.

He heard a muttered curse next to him, and slowly lolled his head over to look.

Hopper was sitting next to his bed, his hat balanced on his knee, looking grumpily at the crossword printed on the back of The Hawkins Post. Steve wanted to laugh at the image, the chief of police swearing as he scribbled out something.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Nobody knows what the fuck that is.”

“Blame Nancy,” Steve croaked. His head throbbed and he closed his eyes again. “She convinced them to add that. Said sales would go up.”

There was a rustling of paper.

“Smart girl,” Hopper said. He paused for a moment, and Steve felt like he needed someone to come and crowbar his eyes open or they would stay closed forever.

“You collapsed. Scared the shit out of your girlfriend, and everyone else at the video store.”

“Not my girlfriend,” Steve mumbled.

So that makes sense, why he was at work one second, and in a lousy bed at Hawkins General the next.

“You didn’t hit your head. Hargrove caught you before you went all the way down.”

Jesus, Billy’s reflexes really are something else. Steve’s gonna need to thank him for that. The last fucking thing he needs is another concussion. Maybe, to show his gratitude, he’ll suck Billy’s-

“I’m here because we need to talk about what the doctors found in your system.”

Steve’s mind went blank, and his eyes flew open.

Hopper was looking at him, his face an unfamiliar mix of sad, and angry, and fucking, disappointed.

Steve felt like he could vomit.

“They ran your blood. Routine E.R. shit, I’m told. But they found some, some substances that shouldn’t be there.”

Steve swallowed down the lump in his throat.

He knew the guilt was written all over his face.

“How long?”

“Since the summer.” He couldn’t look at Hop in the face. Not while he admitted this shit.

He was fucking stupid to think he wouldn’t be caught.

It’s a miracle Robin hasn’t walked in on him doing bumps in the bathroom at work, or Billy hasn’t found his stash tucked between the mattress and the box spring.

Hopper sighed.

“I know we all went through a lot last summer. With your friend getting trapped in the Upside Down, and you getting captured-”

“Tortured. I got tortured.”

Hopper sighed again.

“Getting coked up isn’t going to help anything.”

“What is this? Fucking Family Ties?”

He felt Hopper’s glare more than he actually saw it.

“It’s stupid-”

“You just don’t get it! Okay?” He really didn’t mean to yell, his head just fucking hurts and he’s so fucking stupid.

“Oh yeah,” Hopper snarked. “I fucking forgot. You’re the only person in the goddamn world that’s ever dealt with fucking drug addiction. So sorry.”

“I’m not addicted!” Lie.

“I don’t fucking believe you.”

Steve glared at Hopper.

“So, what? You’re here to arrest me?”

“No. I’m here to talk some fucking sense into you.” He shifted in his chair, the newspaper slid off his lap and fell on the floor. “You’re around those kids all the time. You fucking drive them around. You have been endangering their lives for months. And why? Because you can’t handle the trauma? We all have trauma. You think your friend Hargrove is totally fine after being stuck in that place? After realizing some fucked up doppelgänger was killing people? You think your girlfriend is totally fine after being tortured by the Russians too?”

“I don’t do it when I have to drive the kids, Hop I swear.” That, was the truth. “Okay, the other stuff, I get your point, but I need you to know, I wouldn’t hurt the kids like that, I-” the heart monitor was speeding up, getting louder in Steve’s panic. “You have to believe me, I’ve never driven them high.”

“Okay, okay. I believe you.” Hopper sighed again. “Just, why?”

Steve gulped.

“The Russians, they drugged us. They said it would make us tell them the truth. And I don’t know what it was, but fuck. It felt good. I couldn’t feel the pain, and I wasn’t scared, and I just. I didn’t know how to stop being scared.”

It was embarrassing.

Admitting that he’s been scared shitless ever since that first demogorgon dropped through the Byers’ ceiling.

Admitting he’s been doing lines of coke to keep himself from spiraling into inconsolable panic.

“I did some at a party, and it was the closest I felt to that feeling.”

Not technically true. He and Billy did some together last August, and it was like the fearlessness washed over Steve in warm waves.

But he can’t throw Billy under the bus like that.

And if Billy ever found out, that one night of drug experimentation between lovers turned into a full-on addiction, he’d never forgive himself.

There was a pause.

“Have you been snorting or shooting?”

“Snorting.”

“Okay,” Hopper stood up, stretching his arms above his head and placing his hat back on. “I’m going to tell your friends what’s going on. Not the kids, just Hargrove and Buckley. Joyce, too. Then, when you get out of here, you and I are going to clean out any stashes you’ve got. And we’re all going to be watching you like a fucking hawk.”

“Wait,” Steve croaked, his heart rate jumping up again, the beeping speeding up. “Don’t tell Billy.” Hopper shot Steve a look that said really? “Let me tell him. He needs to hear it from me.”

Hopper paused, on hand on the doorknob.

“Did he get you hooked? Is he on it too?”

“No! Nothing like that. Please? He’ll be upset unless I tell him.”

Hopper gave him a look that was a little too searching to be comfortable.

“Okay. Okay, kid. I’ll send him in. But he’ll know what’s going on one way or another. Don’t make me tell him that you’ve lied. Don’t think he’d appreciate it.”

He left the room without another word, leaving Steve to stew in his shame.

He’s such an idiot.

Why did he ever think he could get away with this and not one person would notice?

Even if they didn’t know he was regularly doing cocaine, Billy and Robin already knew something was up. They kept asking him if he was okay, coming over for impromptu sleepover parties. It was nice, he loves them both, but it was only a matter of time before the penny dropped.

It’s just embarrassing. That a routine blood test exposed the amount of uppers in his system. Exposed how little he’s dealing.

He rolled over, waiting for Billy to come into the room and blame himself for Steve’s stupidity. He didn’t want that.

Billy didn’t have a drug problem. He thought it’d be fun for them to get a little high and do stuff together. And it was! It was so fun, and they’d talked about doing it again.

Steve can kiss that idea goodbye.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Billy started following him into the bathroom to make sure he wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be.

It’s sweet, that his boyfriend cares so much about him that he would, hypothetically at least, do that.

But Billy’s got enough on his plate, and if Steve knows anything about him, it’s that he blames himself for shit just as much as Steve does.

He focused on the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Still elevated, his nerves for the coming conversation getting the best of him.

His head was pounding in a way that said it was time for his next fix.

He squeezed his eyes closed, willing away the need thrumming under his skin.

“So, you finally gonna tell me why you’ve been actin’ all squirrelly lately?”

#tw drug abuse #tw drug addiction #tw substance abuse #ask to tag #steve harrington #Jim hopper #harringrove #it’s mentioned a bunch #yikes writes #I don’t like this but *shrugs* #zest of lemon #again #mentioned in a few places #billy Hargrove

[meadow-hearthfire]

Meet Jake, another Funk-Rock Troll inspired by @zivazivc's OC Flea.

Jake is Reuben's older brother. He's the leader, manager and bassist of Stardust Dice. He's a rocker and a rapper because, like I said in my Tyrese post, I refuse to believe Prince D is the first Hip-Hop/Rapper of his tribe!

When Stardust Dice was just a ragtag group of kids, Jake would try to keep his brother and the twins Beck and Biff out of trouble and keep them from going too far in their mischief, and was often pushy about it. However, he was never above things like pulling a chocolate pudding heist (that Floyd may or may not have been roped into 🤭) with the group at their local school at night on a weekend.

Jake's bossiness carried into Stardust Dice's activities when they became a band, but he would ease up thanks to Floyd's intervention.

Side note: Jake is Floyd's age while the rest of Stardust Dice is three years younger.

[TW: drug use, drug addiction, alcoholism]

Jake is a chill dude when he's not under stress nor pissed off while under the influence of alcohol.

Jake started smoking when he was 18 (his two moms and dad wouldn't let him and Reuben smoke or drink until they reached that age). It helps calm the nerves and relieve stress from managing the band, keeping his bandmates outta trouble, or being in crowded areas for too long (when he's not high or drunk). That habit would come back to bite him in the ass in the form of headaches, coughing fits, breathing problems, and addiction.

As time went on, Jake's role as the wrangler and his bandmates' as the ones needing to be kept out of trouble would be reversed as he got deeper into drugs.

As indicated by Jake's tail, his dreadlocks aren't natural. Here's what it looked like when he was a kid before he had it done.

Here's what Jake's fur pattern looks like without the fuzz effects:

Jake is also inspired by D Smoke during his part in Rare Americans' "Rythm Kitchen". Which reminds me, Jake can cook a mean dish, but he can be a bitch in the kitchen when it comes to sanitation and making sure the food isn't ruined. In fact, he keeps the hair band on his wrist (plus a few spares in his mane) so he would tie his hair up at any moment when he's about to cook or clean.

Fun fact: When Jake was a kid, he had a squeaky voice which would later shift to a baritone as he went through puberty.

#meadow draws #fan art #trolls #dreamworks trolls #tw drug use #trolls mirverse #trolls 2 #trolls world tour #trolls 3 #trolls band together #funk troll #rock troll #trolls oc #trolls fc #stardust dice #j-smoky #jake #smoking #cigarette #tw drug addiction #tw death #smoke

[sickficideas]

I read a fic yesterday that briefly mentioned Dazai not ever allowing Akutagawa to take pain medication and they wrote "there is not a hurt in his body that Akutagawa will risk angering Dazai for" and I kind of love that as a concept because of the multitude of reasons Dazai would have more denying him that, and reasons for Akutagawa to obey him, and the effect it would have on him after Dazai leaves...Akutagawa always refusing medication no matter how much pain he's in and no one understanding why...but the adverse too, maybe he gives in one day and realizes they do help, even if it's just a little, he's always in some sort of pain 😭 and becomes dependent/addicted

#op was seriously cooking #i need to read it again because i read it half asleep and that line at the end was all i remembered lol #but its very well written and i love the complicated Akutagawa and Dazai angst #it hurts so bad #akutagawa #bsd headcanons #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #whump #angst #injury #medication #tw drug addiction #dazai #fanfic

[riality-check]

Contrary to what her felon of a husband started telling her when the honeymoon phase of their relationship ended, Rebecca Munson is not a stupid bitch.

Well, she’s definitely a bitch, but she ain’t stupid. She’s made bad choices - letting herself get pressured into a shotgun wedding at sixteen to a man five years her senior, havin’ a baby at seventeen at home because she couldn’t afford a hospital, and too many failed attempts at sobriety to count don’t look too good on paper - but she ain’t stupid.

She knew the second that the cops came to their house at two in the damn morning to pick up John that he wasn’t comin’ back. She decided then, after ten G-d awful years of living with him, that she wasn’t comin’ back either.

Her family was across state lines and didn’t much like her since the wedding. But Wayne was two towns over and said to her, over and over again, that his door was always open.

(One Fourth of July, probably when Eddie was six or so, before John realized he wasn’t going to have a little football-loving clone and still humored him by playing tag, Wayne was a few beers in and told Rebecca, point blank, that she deserved to be doing so much better.

“But he’s your brother,” she said, pointedly not looking at the can in Wayne’s hand. It was her first try at staying away from that stuff, and she lasted a full two weeks until her next fight with John.

“That’s how I know you could be doin’ better than him,” Wayne said, taking a sip of his beer. “You’re a good woman, Becca. He ain’t a good man.”

Sometimes, she wondered what her life would be like if she listened to him then, if she didn’t need an arrest warrant to convince her of what she knew, deep in her soul, the second she said “I do.”)

So, that’s where she’s standing now. In front of Wayne’s door, hand poised to knock, Eddie at her side with his headphones on and music cranked loud.

“It’s fuckin’ freezin’,” she murmurs before knocking lightly.

“It’s August, Ma,” Eddie says. Not meanly, but not nicely either. He just says it.

Rebecca almost misses when he was little and tried to warm her up by rubbing his baby palms up and down her arms. She doesn’t miss when he had to call an ambulance for her. She definitely misses when he used to call her “Mama.”

She knocks again. Waits. Tries not to shiver because Wayne will know what that means, and she can’t take pity or rage right now.

She’s fucking trying. This is her trying, this is her quitting, this is her, hopefully, staying sober. 

She doesn’t have John, shitty as he was, to fall back on anymore. Eddie needs her, all of her, so she needs to stay present.

The door opens a crack, then fully. Wayne stands there in his pajamas, sipping on a mug of coffee, looking surprised but not quite.

“John got arrested,” Rebecca says.

Eddie just nods, picks up his bag, and walks right on inside.

Wayne raises his eyebrows. “You know what for?”

“Second degree murder.”

“Jesus H. Christ.”

“And I ain’t payin’ for a lawyer for his sorry ass, so he’ll get some court-appointed schmuck, get sent to hell, and hopefully stay there,” she says brightly.

Wayne snorts and holds the door open for her.

His trailer is small, but they make it work. Eddie gets the bedroom, a notion which he puts up a losing fight to, Rebecca takes a cot they set up in the living room, and Wayne takes the couch. She offers to alternate nights with him, but he waves her off and says it’s fine, it’s comfy enough.

If Wayne liked women (Christmas, 1971, spiked eggnog heavy on the spiked all responsible for her knowing that bit of information) she should’ve married him instead.

He tells her, spotting old track marks and the tooth she lost last winter, that she better not bring any of that shit into the house.

It helps, though maybe not as much as it should. It means she has to rely more on chain-smoking cigarettes and drinking the beer Wayne likes than the variety of harder shit she’s been on and off of since she was seventeen.

Once again, fuck you John Munson.

It doesn’t quell the itch. The first few weeks at Wayne’s are hellish, between the sweats and the shaking and the dry heaving.

But all she has to do is look over at the door to Eddie’s room and remind herself that if she fucks up the same way she’s fucked up countless times throughout her boy’s life, then he has no one.

It’s just barely enough. She’s still drinking way more than she should, enough to not remember when or where she falls asleep, but it’s the longest she’s been off crank, so. Small wins.

She gets a job waitressing at the diner next door to the barber and across the street from the hardware store. It pays alright, and the farmers and miners tip her better if she leaves the first two buttons of her blouse undone.

Men.

Eddie ain’t doin’ much better. The kids at his school are mean sons of bitches, the kind that yank on his hair - he’s always liked it long, and Rebecca really doesn’t give a shit what it looks like as long as it’s clean - and slap his things out of his hands and make fun of the books he reads.

But he’s angry at the world, and he doesn’t take shit from anybody. They leave him alone soon enough, after a couple of fights Rebecca doesn’t blame him for getting into. Between the time he bit a boy’s shoulder after he punched Eddie and called him a fag, and the rumors about his music making him a Satanist - ridiculous, it’s just noise - they give him a wide berth.

He says it’s fine, but Rebecca knows. That boy thrives bein’ around people. Loneliness could kill him straight out.

It’s Wayne who keeps him alive. They fight like hell those first few weeks, the worst of it being when Eddie throws the salt shaker at him and screams about him not being his father.

There’s a new shaker, filled up to the brim, on the table the next day. She checks Eddie’s piggy bank while he’s at school and finds it, predictably, empty.

He’s a good kid. G-d knows if she was in his situation, she’d be angry, too.

Wayne tries to be involved. Tries talking about sports and hunting and other things Eddie doesn’t give a rat’s ass about. When Eddie goes on about the books he reads and the games he plays, Wayne’s face just goes blank.

In the end, it’s the music that does it. Rebecca spends weeks smoking and drinking and walking on eggshells only to find Wayne and Eddie on the couch, hunched over an acoustic guitar and listening to Johnny Cash.

She breathes a sigh of relief.

It’s better after that. There are fewer fights. The trailer is filled with music more often than not. Eddie makes friends.

And, after about a year and a half, Rebecca starts lookin’ to leave.

She’d love to stay here, but she can’t. Wayne was kind enough to take her in, but there ain’t no way in hell she and Eddie can stay forever. It’s time for them to get their own place, to get out of Wayne’s hair, to make a real, permanent life somewhere.

She looks around town, but there aren’t many places to rent, and the ones that can be rented are too expensive for her.

Eddie has been begging for her to let him go get a job, but she keeps putting her foot down. He didn’t get to be a kid when he was one, not with him always taking care of her and taking care to stay out of his father’s way, so he gets to be one now.

She owes him that much and more. So much more.

After a few months, she finds it. It’s a little ad in the paper, so small she almost missed it.

Honey Haven. Five miles outside Hawkins, Indiana. A newly planned, family-friendly community. All are welcome!

The number next to “prices as low as” catches her attention. She dials the phone number, and the sweetest lady picks up, patiently answering all her questions.

It sounds too good to be true. Rebecca tells the lady as much, and she, without hesitation, offers a no strings attached visit.

So, she figures, What the hell?

Part 1, part 2

#ria writes #eddie munson #wayne munson #rebecca munson #i'm making it a tag bitches #stranger things #st #stranger things ficlet #st ficlet #this is cult shit babes #have fun #tw cult #tw alcoholism #tw drug addiction

[hologramking]

Wip Wednesday, got tagged by @peaches-n-screem 🖤 I don't have much, haven't been writing at all lately but I can give you a sneek peak at this angsty Metalocalypse draft I recently re-discovered!!

#yeah i noticed the typo lol #Metalocalypse #dethklok #tw drugs #tw drug addiction #skwisgaar skwigelf #pickles the drummer

[paperstorm]

“My mom sent me to rehab. There’s plenty of good places in New York but she sent me to the other side of the country because she decided that one was better. My dad dragged me to Austin. Picked my therapist for me, made me live in his guest room like a teenager. And both of those things were the right choice in the end so I guess it’s not fair to be mad at them either, but neither of them asked me what I wanted, first. Or what I needed. They both just put me where they wanted me to be, and then expected me to be thankful for it.”

Love your new Missing Moments but this made me want to strangle TK. The spoiled brat should be thankful! If Gwyn had asked him what he wanted at that time he would have gone back to his little drug den and probably be dead. If Owen had asked him what he wanted before moving to Texas he very likely would have ended up back on drugs again and would probably be dead. I love TK to pieces, but you can't ask a drug addict what they want because a lot of times they're not strong enough to say that they want or need help.

Well first, in a way that is fantastic, because something I love playing with in these stories is an unreliable narrator who is giving voice to his own perspective and perception of events even if the reader isn't going to agree with what he's saying.

But second, as a recovering addict (who does not speak for everyone who suffers from this disability but can give at least some form of a voice to it) every case is different because every person is different. There are cases for sure where without forced medical intervention, a person will probably die. There are schools of thought that forced medical intervention is unethical even in these cases – the idea that forcibly removing someone's bodily autonomy in any situation where they are not an immediate physical danger to other people is not an ethical move even if it results in that person killing themselves. There are other schools of thought that believe things along the lines of what you said. I think I personally fall somewhere in the middle.

But choice and autonomy and agency are important, regardless of where someone falls on that debate. It's important to addicts because they are, first and foremost, human beings. And no human being likes to feel as if their loved ones are not respecting their autonomy or are forcibly removing their agency, even or perhaps especially if it's done under the banner of this is for your own good. TK, as I had him state in the dialogue, is very aware that his parents’ interventions likely saved his life. He is, as he says in a later paragraph after the one you quoted, grateful for that. But that doesn't mean he isn't also resentful of the fact that they never bothered to ask what he thought he needed.

Often addicts are very crystal clear about what they need. Often what's standing in their way is the fact that they can't get what they need, not that they don't know what it is. An addiction like TK's, in which he was still able to manage a full-time and incredibly difficult and demanding job, means he was not so far gone that he was incapable of rational thought 24/7. He wasn’t legally incapacitated, he would have been capable of participating in the conversation had his parents wanted to include him in that.

Even giving an addict a small amount of agency over their own decisions can be instrumental in their recovery, because it allows them to retain some semblance of control and to feel good about the fact that they are making the decision to get better. As an example, Owen could have let him pick his own therapist. Gwyn could have said "going to rehab is non-negotiable. Here are three I have done some research on, you can pick which one you go to." (As a side note, this is exactly why I think it's so important that in 3x08 she walked away at the airport and let TK go on his own. Because if TK had gotten into that car and said “Take me to a bar”, the driver legally would have had to do so or else it would be kidnapping. TK could also have just stood there for 10 minutes and then booked a flight back to New York. It’s so important that at the very end, Gwyn let it be TK’s decision to go to the clinic. For the rest of his life he can look back and hang his hat on that. That his mom gave him a push, but in the end he chose recovery. That he did it for himself.)

Sometimes, you’re right, there are situations where people’s loved ones are right to step in and take over. I don’t blame Owen or Gwyn for doing it in either of these moments, that’s their son and he was killing himself and what loving parent wouldn’t do what they did? But two things can be true. The fact that they made the right choice (and again, my TK knows that they made the right choice) doesn’t erase the fact that part of him is resentful that he feels like they didn’t value his opinion or his needs – or even know what his needs were, since they didn’t ask. And that lingering resentment flared up again when it felt to him like Carlos was now another person not caring about his opinion or needs. Those feelings I think are valid, even if they aren’t perfectly fair.

#911ls asks #tw drug addiction

[shmingleping]

Love the sound of the fans going or most especially music ~ $uicideboy$ ~ when that whole hearing thing is happening from iv cola.

#thoughts #personal #voices sound weirdly cool #so do fans #suicideboys #$uicideboy$ #iv drug use #tw iv drug use #coke #cola #shooting up #shooting up cocaine #tw drugs #iv drug addict #tw drug addiction #tw drug mention #i even googled the hearing thing after it happened the first time #didnt get a straight up answer though of course #almost seemed like doctors or whoever were also wondering why it happens #well it doesnt really matter either way #cause i just love that weird ass nonsense #i look forward to it every time #one of the things i fucking love about mainlining it #hate the fact that im shaky af and my heart is pounding tho #win some lose some #cant have it all be awesome right #im go fuck up my arms more for that high #✌🏼

[ntls-24722]

Voma, the lampliker

another case of me ruining things with lore

CW/TW: ↓ detailed description of drug use, addiction, and withdrawal (I realize that I really should've been putting this earlier... my apologies)

SO, PROPER NAMES: they are called the Possessed.

They're a spiritual zebraman militia who chew this fungus, a bioluminescent, poisonous stimulant in order to stain the inside of their mouth with the bioluminescence and get a high from it. They believe that the glowing mouths of Debu is the source of their strength and power, and by chewing the fungus they get that power too, which is partially correct - chewing it, they don't need to sleep or eat, get visions or hallucinations, and are working at 200% capacity while on it, becoming "possessed" by the Debu spirit (which is often said to be the source of their sudden bursts of violence...).

However, unbeknownst to the zebramen, this has awful effects on their body, as you could imagine. The Possessed are given the Possesion fruit (they call it a fruit, they are incorrect,) constantly - so they barely sleep at all, barely eat at all, outright collapse from exhaustion or drop dead out of nowhere, have seizures, chew at their fingers (sometimes they break or chew them completely off), they become nauseous and can barely hold down what little food they do eat, and their hallucinations and psychosis often scare them and lead them to depression and paranoia over everything/everyone. And if they survive THAT until retirement, they're going to have withdrawals for the rest of their life

One big symptom though, is the rotting of their teeth! The fungus is acidic and chewing it constantly has eroded their teeth into falling out, which is bad, but is especially bad considering that the zebramen are constantly showing their teeth! They have lips and can close them, but by default they're smiling. The Possessed either hide their bottom faces with cloth or unnaturally close their lips shut.

I imagine statues or sculptures of the Possessed look a lot like sumerian devotive statues... huge eyes because they're held so wide during possession that their scleras are constantly visible, and tight lips.

#also the horns are just part of the helmet. for stabbin' #ntls-24722 #music man #fnaf music man #music man fnaf #fnaf au #music man au #ffps au #homo mousike #voma #(almost) daily music man #tw drugs #cw drugs #tw drug addiction #cw drug addiction #drug addiction #drug withdrawal #teeth #teeth horror #cw teeth horror #tw teeth horror #cw teeth #tw teeth #...i think that's all the warnings i can find #speculative anthropology #speculative worldbuilding #digital

[magnusfox]

//OOC POST//

Little update for what will be happening on the Magnus acc. IT MAY BE TRIGGERING!!! This post will mention addictions!!!

So basically, for the context of what happened, Magnus and Jerome broke up. Jerome is staying at Arthur's for the time. Arthur has also started to drift away from Magnus. Magnus is not talking to Jerome or Arthur because of Magnus' constant fights with Deacon.

What will be happening with this account may be sensative topics. I have discussed it with some people, and I have found out Magnus' addictions. He will in the future (for the time being) be addicted to (TW ADDICTIONS) hard alcohol (specifically vodka), nicotine, and xanax.

Any post or reblog that mentions his addictions will be tagged. So before you look at a post on this account, please look at the tags if addiction of any of these may be triggering.

Please be wary on this page as it will be including posts about addiction and loss. Thank you for your time.

#jrwi rp #eldrick sillies #tw drug addiction #tw drug use #tw addiction #tw alcohol #tw nicotine

[bodhranwriting]

Sixsmith in the Lion's Den - Bodh M

“What are you struggling with, Doc?” Hecuba spun the syringe in her hand and smiled at him. “Sleeping – or – waking?”

Sweat beaded under his collar. Sixsmith swallowed and forced his shaking hands in his pockets. The voice in his head, the one he never listened to, screamed as his lips formed the word, ‘sleepin’…’

Hecuba’s head tilted, eyes flashing as the light caught them. “Far less expensive than the cordial, Doc. I got plenty of beds… just a few hours…”

He wanted it. Shades, he needed it.

Sleep…

Someone cleared their throat in the shadows and with it, came the sound inside his head of Talas choking.

Dying.

Stupid. Stupid –

“Gimme the cordial, Hecuba. Now!”

“Well, that’s rude –“

“A man is dyin’,” Sixsmith snapped, “an’ I need the antidote. I dun’t have time for your bullshit. Give it to me, or I’m takin’ it.”

"We still haven't agreed on a price."

"I'll pay it," Sixsmith said. "Just give it to me. He's dyin'."

He took a breath and continued, "I won't let him die."

Hecuba suddenly brightened. "You won't need to find it, Doc."

"What...?"

She nodded at someone behind him. Sixsmith tensed as a hand flashed past his face and slammed a sheet of paper down on the desk.

"You won't need to find the money," Hecuba said softly, as Sixsmith stared at his own face, "because your price just went up. Five hundred is more than enough."

Sixsmith backed away, his heart choking him.

#writeblr #writing #deaf #arcane skies #queer #fantasy #i’m writing a book #steampunk #tw drug addiction

[inner-visionz]

Sherbert (2d x autistic transboy reader)

Warning: drug use, drug addiction, blood, drug mention. Plz don't read if your under 16/17

Chapter 1

I must be the master of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I just moved here not that long ago and this is the second time I've seen a car crash right in front of me. I just want to see my dealer so I can get a few joints and go home, but I see a blue haired boy fly out of the wind shield and smack his head on the curb with a disturbing thud. I hear glass cracking underneath my boots as I run towards him. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get to him, I'm not in the medical field but my body just instantly reacted. 

I kneel down by his head while trying to avoid shards of glass to study his injuries. It doesn't take me long to notice that he's the same boy I saw in the first crash when they put him in an ambulance. His face has bruises and cuts in a few spots and blood is flowing from his closed eyes. I hear a soft groan come from him so I put his head in my lap to give him a bit of comfort. I'm sure his head is splitting right now. I can't believe I've watched this man completely eat shit twice. He has his lips slightly parted so I can see that he's missing two front teeth. Poor man has been through hell. 

I gently put my hand on his cheek and rub his face with my thumb. He softly groans then slowly starts to open his eyes. My eyes widen in horror as I see two black voids staring up at me. 

"Wow", he mutters with a small smile.

"Dude, are you okay?" I ask in a panicked voice. 

He winces in pain as he wakes up more and starts to feel the effects of going face first into a curb. "Me head hurts..a lot, but your hands and thighs makes it feel better". 

IS THIS DENSE MOTHER FUCKER TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME AFTER BENG THROWN OUT OF A CAR? 

I roll my eyes. "Maybe I should've just kept walking..anyway let's clean you up a bit yeah? Ya boats a mess". I don't know where the accent or slang came from. All I hear is the accent all day and I do tend to copy unintentionally. I take off my coffin shaped backpack and pull out some wet wipes then start to wipe the blood off his face. 

He tries to chuckle at my horrible accent. "Hey I was being sincere OUCH". He flinches in pain. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to", I apologize. I finish up wiping his face and my hand that I had cupped on his cheek. "Can you stand up? You need to go to the hospital". 

He relaxes a bit and slowly nods. The black eyed man tries to find his feet and stands up slowly. I put everything back in my bag and put it on my back. I stand up and look over him again. I realize I come up to his forehead in my platform boots but without them I'd probably come up to his chin. He stumbles a bit so I hold onto him as support. 

"YOU TWO ARE PERFECT!" I hear an excited and raspy voice call out to us. I look in the direction it came from and see an excited green man jump out of the wrecked car. I immediately take notice of his messed up nose and the upside down cross necklace that bounces around his neck as he comes towards us. I recognize him as the other person involved in the first crash. "Two tall and edgy people as my lead singers? Not to mention a black eyed God, the girls are gonna go crazy for him, ah your name should be 2D because you've got two dents in your head, much better than Stuart". He continues to ramble. 

The busted up man starts to stumble more against me so I sit him back down and turn my attention towards the other one. "You fucking idiot, you put this man through two serious car accidents and look at his face! What the hell are you going on about a band? He needs to see a doctor!". 

He scoffs, "Oh he's fine, look at him!" He motions towards Stuart who's wobbling even though he's sitting down cradling his head in his hands. 

I grab the man by his shirt collar and pull him to me. "Listen here you blithering cunt, you're taking him to the hospital NOW!" I yell. 

"Oi are you single by chance?" He gives me a gross chuckle, but I ignore his question. 

"NOW!"

He holds his hands up to surrender. "Fine, fine! Whatever you say". He rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone to call an ambulance. I let him go and let out an angry sigh as I walk over to Stuart. 

I kneel down in front of him and place my hand on his knee. "Hey we have an ambulance coming for you soon okay?" I say gently. 

He looks up at me with pain written all over his face. "Are..you coming with me?" He asks rather pathetically. In fact it's so pathetic I can't say no.

"Yeah, I'll come with you, my name is y/n by the way". 

"Mine is Stuart, but 2D sounds really cool too". 

—-------

At the hospital I found out the green man's name is Murdoc. He kept trying to convince me to join his band but I always protested. 

"Come on lass! Who doesn't want to be in a band?" He pleads.

"I'm not a lass", I inform him and cross my arms. 

Murdoc eyes me up and down with a questioning look, but he lets it go. "Whatever, who am I to judge, but that wasn't a no". 

I sigh in defeat. "Look I'll think about it, will that get you off my ass?" 

Murdoc beams with happiness. "I'll take it!" 

I scoff and go in to check on Stuart. The doctor said he looks okay but they wanted to keep him a bit longer to be sure. They said his eyes will stay that way forever and they gave him some pain meds for his head. Upon entering the room I notice a girl sitting beside him with choppy dark brown hair, thin eyebrows, and red lipstick on. I must have missed her when I was bickering with Murdoc. She notices me and gives me a 'what the hell are you doing here' look. I immediately know from this look that she's the girlfriend. Whatever, I'm not exactly interested in dating at the moment. 

I walk over to stand beside Stuart's bed.  "You feeling any better now?" I ask. 

"Yeah they gave me some painkillers so I'm feeling great now", he smiles at me. "Oh! Paula this is y/n she's the one that helped take care of me when we crashed". 

"He. I'm a boy", I say bluntly as I wait anxiously for their reaction. 

"Oh, you don't look like a-"

"I'm trans let's move on", I cut him off. 

He scratches his head in confusion. "Right, uh he's the one that took care of me". I'm pleasantly surprised at his quick fix to my pronouns. Both of the boys had a better reaction than I expected. They both get an extra 20 points for not being bigots in my book. 

Paula rolls her eyes. "Well whatever you call yourself, I'm his girlfriend so you can leave him to me now". 

I frown a bit in confusion at the sudden rudeness, but I'm not about to argue so I just step out and join Murdoc in the waiting room. He's the last person I want company with but I want to stick around until Stuart gets discharged. Although his girlfriend is here so I guess I could just leave him to grab my stuff and go home. I mentally sigh remembering that he asked me to come with him so no I can't just leave, but I could step out and come back. 

"Hey, I'm gonna step out for a bit. Can I see your phone so I can give you my number?" I ask Murdoc. 

"Of course I'd love to have your number", he winks at me then hands me his phone. I take his phone and put in my number then set my name as 'y/n (back up singer). I send myself a text so I'd have his number then toss his phone back. 

"Text me updates on Stuart and if he asks for me tell him I'll be back", I say as I turn my back to leave. 

"Hey wait does this mean you're in?!" He asks when he takes notice of my name in his phone. 

"Maybe" I say on my way out the door. 

—-----

I make it back to the hospital an hour and a half later after visiting my dealer. I always shove my joints or bag in a zipper pocket I made on the inside of my boots. It's a decent hiding place. 

I waltz back to the waiting room and sit beside Murdoc. "Hey, 'ow's Stuart doing?" Damn the accent came out again. Murdoc looks at me funny then gets really close to my face. Crap he knows and I can't keep a straight face when I'm buzzed. He stares intensely at me which makes me give a big goofy grin. 

He smirks. "Oh you're completely mullered aren't you?" He whispers. 

"Not completely just wee bit buzzed". 

"At least you know how to party, also your accent was terrible". He chuckles. 

"I know..it happens unintentionally, I swear I don't mean to". I ramble. 

Murdoc laughs and ruffles up my hair. "Don't get your knickers in a twist luv, it's alright". I flinch at his touch and move his hand off my head before I got used to the feeling. "Oh? Not a touchy person?" 

"No I am, it's just I'm not used to getting physical affection anymore". I look at the ground awkwardly. "Anyway, is Paula still here? I'd like to check on Stuart". 

"No, she left a bit before you came back", He answers. I nod then walk to Stuart's. I lean against the door frame as I watch him hold a hand held mirror to inspect his new facial features.

"Yeah, they're a bit off putting aren't they?" I state. 

He jumps so bad he almost drops the mirror then snaps his head towards me. "Oh, it's you," he chuckles nervously, "I think they're cool looking, and sorry about Paula earlier". 

I shrug. "It's fine, I don't care that much. She was probably just stressed because her boyfriend is in the hospital, I'd be snappy too", I reassure him with a smile. 

He smiles back at me slightly showing off his two missing teeth. It was cute in a dorky way. "Yeah probably, so Murdoc told me he convinced you to join the band?" 

"He was very convincing when it's all he'd talk about for an hour straight, besides I guess it could be fun". 

—------

About an hour later Stuart got discharged and I invited them to my flat because it wasn't far from the hospital. Stuart looked exhausted and I didn't trust that Murdoc would have a decent place for him to sleep. 

I bring them both inside then show Stuart to my bedroom. I flick on my black light to illuminate my room so Stuart could see where he's walking. My posters and my neon worm on a string wall decorations light up immediately, giving more color to the room. He takes notice of my bed half full of stuffed animals. 

"Never thought you'd have so many cute things based on how dark you dress". He states. 

"Can't be a hard ass all the time", I say as I go over to the bed and move an old, but well taken care of, light multicolored bunny stuffy from the empty side of the bed. I put it on the other side with the rest of the stuffies while making sure it was in a comfortable position. Stuart sits on the other side of the bed once the bunny is moved. I see him give me a gentle smile from the corner of my eye. He reaches out to touch it but I stop him. 

"Please don't touch him", I mumble. 

"I wasn't gonna move..him..I just wanted to see how it felt"

"I get it but please don't, look I'm autistic and that's my comfort item which means nobody is allowed to touch it", I say. 

He gives me a very confused look. "Man you got a shit pick of the draw didn't you? With you being trans and autistic I'd imagine you don't have too many friends". 

My face drops and I look away from him as I awkwardly rub my arm. 

He notices my changed mood and quickly tries to explain himself. "Oh no I just meant that people around here can be dicks. I'm sorry. Um hey my hair grows out blue and now I have no eyeballs or two front teeth so I guess I also got the shit pick so maybe we could be friends?" He rambles. 

I chuckle at his awkward attempt at making me feel better. "Yeah I'd like to be friends...you can feel his ear if you want to". 

"Are you sure?" 

I nod. "You didn't bat an eye when I said I was trans or autistic and you listened when I said dont touch him, so I think I can trust you". 

He smiles then gently puts a long floppy ear between his fingers and rubs the fabric. "He's very soft. I can see why he's comforting, does he have a name?" He asks. The fact that he calls the bunny 'he' and not 'it' makes me a bit more fond of him.

"Sherbert", I mumble a bit embarrassed. 

Stuart chuckles, "That's cute, so you mentioned that I listened to you and that's why you trust me, did other people not listen?" 

"Yeah, I've had three people over and they all purposely picked him up and moved him or pushed him on the floor. They wanted to get a reaction out of me and well they did but it wasn't what they wanted. I busted their faces then dragged them out of my flat, THEN I cried". 

He half smiles at me,"I promise I'd never be mean to Sherbert", he says softly like he's trying to comfort me. 

"Stuart I can't tell if you're being genuine or if you're secretly making fun of me" I say bluntly. 

"I don't want to break your trust luv, it's genuine and if I break that promise you can make me eat a curb again". 

I can't help but laugh. "I'll hold you to it, well I should let you get some sleep, I'll turn off the light so it doesn’t mess with your head". 

He takes one last look around and smiles warmly. "Yeah, thank you for everything today," 

"No problem, goodnight Stuart", I turn off the light and close the door behind me. I go to the living room and find Murdoc examining all of my bat and coffin decor. I take off my boots and get the joints out then I stand on the arm of my couch so I can reach the top of my bookshelf. 

"Ah so you dabble a bit too huh?" I turn my head to see Murdoc talking about my altar that has crystals, candles, a couple crystal pendulums, my tarot deck and a Loki statue. 

"Oh yeah I do some witchcraft", I say as I grab my little metal tin and put all of the joints but one in then put it back. I take off my backpack to grab my red Nokia and cigarettes then place them with the joint on the bay window. 

"Who's the statue of?" He asks. 

"That's Loki he's the god I work with slash worship", I inform him as I open up the side window and sit on the bay window. I light a cigarette and blow the smoke out. "Speaking of which, can you light his candle for me? It's the red one right in front of the statue, there's a lighter right beside it too". 

Murdoc scans my altar real quick before he finds the lighter and tries to light it. He tries to light it a few times but all that comes out is sparks. 

He starts to get frustrated, "Oi I think your lighter is dead". He says. 

I take a drag of my cigarette and shake my head as I go to him. "No that's not the problem," I put the cigarette in my mouth then take the lighter from Murdoc and light it with ease. I light the candle then smirk. "I'm so sorry I dared have someone else light your candle you fussy thing". I watch the flame get bigger and wiggle around then smile. 

"Let me see that lighter again".

I hand it to him and he lights it on the first try. "This is shit".

I chuckle and go back to where I was sitting. "He didn't want you to light his candle, I bought that lighter yesterday so I knew what the issue was", I say as I grab my phone and add Murdoc to my contacts. 

He rolls his eyes. "I guess he is a fussy thing", he mumbles then comes to me and pulls out his own pack of cigarettes, "Care if I join you?". 

I shake my head as I take a drag. "Open the other corner window and take a seat, blow your smoke out the window though. I don't want my place smelling like smoke".  

He nods and opens the window then takes a seat opposite of me. He puts a cigarette in his mouth and tries to light it but his lighter won't light. "You gotta be fucking me UGH". 

I laugh. "I guess Loki didn't like it when you called him fussy". 

"YOU called him fussy!" 

"I'm allowed to, that's how we joke", I chuckle. "Here use mine". I slide my lighter to him.

"Thanks", he says in an aggravated tone and finally lights his cigarette. "You better not make freaky shit happen when I get the band all put together", he slides my lighter back to me and takes a hit. 

"Don't fuck with me and it shouldn't be a problem", I chuckle. 

"Right", he says. 

We sit there in silence as we finish our cigarettes. 

"I was going to offer you a smoke with me after I got done smoking but I'm tired", I say as I put my cigarette out in the ashtray. 

Murdoc does the same. "Yeah I'm pretty tired myself. I'm gonna grab 2D and we'll be out", he says as he stands up and closes the window. 

"He's okay you can leave him", I say as I close mine then put away the joint I left out with the others. 

"Are you sure you're comfortable with that?"

"Yeah I trust him". 

"But you don't trust me to spend the night?" Murdoc asks.

I narrow my eyebrows at him. "I want you to look at Stuart's non-existent eyes and ask me that again". 

He scoffs. "I'm never gonna hear the end of this". He says as he makes his way out the door. 

I sigh in relief to finally have some alone time. However, I decide to enjoy it by falling asleep on the couch. 

#gorillaz #2d gorillaz #2d x reader #2d x autistic transboy reader #transboy reader #autistic reader #tw drugs #tw drug use #tw drug addiction #tw blo0d #tw drug mention #2d fanfic #gorillaz pre phase 1 #drug usage #drug abuse #blood

[can-y0u-hear-me-n0w]

TW SFX Makeup! Please only click read more if you’re okay seeing *fake* cuts!

Got super fucking high and cut three times today. I’m sick of being misgendered by the people who should love me the most. It makes me angry and jealous and sad and I hate that so much! I’ve been high for months but of course because my family don’t fucking know me they have no idea! I’m so fucking done with all this shit.

On the plus side my SH pics are looking better as I lose more weight.

#tw s3lf harm #s3lf harn #s3lfharmm #tw self sabotage #tw sh related #tw drug addiction #tw drugs #tw weed #tw sewerslide #tw abuse