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jupiter-letters · 1 month

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Dating Number 4/ Klaus Hargreeves would include☂️👻:

Fem! or GN! Reader TW: Brief mentions of addiction

A/N: I started Umbrella Academy a week ago and I’m obsessed, I’m almost done with season 3 and I can’t wait for season 4. I’d managed to fall in love with Robert Sheehan all over again and all that love has to go somewhere so here it is.

Waking up to little peppered kisses on your back and up your torso. If you don’t open your eyes he’ll just start blowing raspberries into your neck and on your face. Once he hears you laughing he’ll stop and flip you over. He likes being the first thing you see when you wake up. Some days are a little more peaceful and less silly, you wake to see him still asleep. A mess of curls and smudged glitter eyeshadow is the first thing you see. He’s at such peace and the most still you’ll ever see him.

Putting makeup on each other, whether it’s going out or just playing around with new looks it doesn’t matter. Being able to experiment with new colors and combinations with each other is so much fun. On date nights you’ll pick outfits for each other, sometimes even just wearing each other’s clothes. Doing things like this with him leads to doing most things together.

Why have him do things when you can do it for him? Or even with him? He loves having you wash his hair. Showers, baths? Of course we have to both be in there at the same time! Klaus is so touch starved any reason to spend time together he’ll take it,an added bonus is your company keeps the spirits away.

You’re always in close proximity to each other, so your skin is always touching. Klaus just can’t get enough, physical touch becomes his middle name. He’s a natural affectionate person but just having you near is very grounding for him.

He’ll draw on you with little glitter pens he carries in his pocket, he likes to call you his “canvas and his muse.” Even without the pens he’ll trace random shapes and words onto your arm or your back when you both lie in bed. Klaus also likes to play with your fingers when he’s bored.

Kissing!! He’s such a fiend for kissing my god, after that first kiss he’s finished. He always says he wants just one but it ends up escalating to a full on make out sesh. Doesn’t matter if you’re public or not you look too good it’d be a crime not to kiss you. Klaus doesn’t really give a damn about public embarrassment, if you wanted him to he’d run through central park naked, he would.

Once he knows you’re ok with all the random bursts of affection he really piles it on. Neck kisses, shoulder kisses, nose kisses, not one day goes by where he doesn’t kiss you. He kisses like he wants to devour you, if he wasn’t able to kiss you that’d be hell on Earth. If you’re a fan of random kisses at the most inappropriate times he’s a professional. You’re driving, he’s gonna make out with you. Out shopping, kissing! Right now! Doctor’s appointment? Kisses under your jaw in the waiting room, he can’t help it, he's bored.

Helping him get clean, you and Ben have been pretty good influences in his life. Trying to keep him on the straight and narrow for the sake of his health. He wants to be present for you, he wants to be able to remember the things you do together. You help him find fun things to do without getting drugs involved. Taking your time and being patient with him means the world to him. He loves his siblings but they aren’t the best at helping him with it. They do try a little harder when you come around seeing how serious you are about helping him. You stay awake with him when his nightmares get too bad or when the withdrawal is really wearing him down. If it’s the ghosts that are bothering him you just tell them to piss off.(he really appreciates that)

Klaus begins to teach himself new skills to help you out around the house, cooking, cleaning you name it. He doesn’t do it very well but you appreciate the effort anyway. Chores become another activity for you both to do. He’ll even indulge in some of your hobbies just for the fun of it.

Tattoos! He gets something on his wrist that reminds him of you, he can’t wait to show you too. If you get one related to him, god forbid a little number 4 on you he’ll cry. He does eventually tell you about the rest of his journey in Vietnam and Dave. Klaus wants to be sure you know he won’t compare you to him, He’ll always love Dave but he doesn’t love you any less. He’ll get really shy if you kiss his hand tattoos, there aren’t a lot of ways to fluster him so that’s a good one.

Being surrounded by death and destruction most of his life really makes him appreciate what you have. The way you indulge in his antics and impulses makes Klaus feel so seen. You don’t feel real to him sometimes; late at night he’ll just lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beating.

When some crazy new developments or drama happens in his family you’re first to know. Luther tells him something very personal and secret and 15 mins later he’s calling you on the mansion’s phone.

Luther: “This stays between us Klaus I mean it…” Klaus: “Of course Lulu I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone you’re dirty little secret” A few moments later… Klaus: “Babe you’ll never believe what Luther just told me!”

He’ll always be looking at you, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing you have his full attention. Klaus will just be gazing at you lovingly while five is trying to talk to him, eventually he’ll just ignore him and go to talk to you. You're his favorite person to talk to; he never gets bored with you.

Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think. Please like or reblog if you like my stuff.

#~⋆｡°tales from the dreaming #the umbrella academy x reader #klaus hargreeves #robert sheehan #robert sheehan x reader #tua x reader #tua imagines #the umbrella academy imagine #klaus hargreeves x reader

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dont-tell-them-i-died · 1 month

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wgat i think you look like based on your main fandom

umbrella academy: as a tua veteran i can confirm that every tua fan is either a carbon copy of Klaus, or a middle aged woman

Bigtop burger: you wear a lot of bright colors and have definitely bought into the "clown-core" craze at some point. That or you just have a thing for zombies

Scott Pilgrim: either a y2k girl or an incel who thinks he's could pull the y2k girl

psych: you are who "nice guys" think they are. You're probably a nerd and really funny

tales of arcadia: if you prefer the main series, you have like 30 versions of the same outfit in different fonts. If you prefer 3below, you're a FREAK for retrofuturism or fruitiger aero. If you prefer wizards, you're probably emo.

Monster high: you dress in a lot of nostalgic clothes. Vintage, y2k, or just stuff that reminds you of a simpler time. You also listen to living tombstone and don't care who knows it.

Ena: you're the exact opposite of those people who incorrectly assume they have niche taste. You think that everyone knows what you're talking about but realize halfway through your conversation that they're very confused.

community: you dress like abed

#This is for shits and giggles none of it is personal #If i was wrong about you I'm sorry #tua #bigtop burger #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim #psych #tales of arcadia #monster high #ena joel g #community

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05raine · 5 months

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Their teamwork could use a bit of, well… work.

I didn’t want to just draw them normally so I was like- what if they were fighting some guys but they’re not quite used to working with each other so a lot of friendly fire happened

(Original under cut)

#tales of arcadia fanart #toa hisirdoux #toa wizards #toa douxie #the umbrella academy #tua five #tua fanart #Danny phantom #danny phantom fanart #comfort characters #artists on tumblr #raine’s art

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clangrogu · 3 months

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Characters I Think Would be Girl Dads (with zero explanation) Pt. 3

Diego Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

Kingo (MCU)

Hoban “Wash” Washburne (Firefly)

Edmund Pevensie (Narnia)

Gwaine (BBC Merlin)

Lotor (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Jim Lake Jr. (Tales of Arcadia)

Damian Wayne (DC)

Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Stiles Stilinski (Teen Wolf)

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elder-sister · 6 months

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Intro!!!

Hi person, my name is Elder.

PFP is a Columbo screenshot (from @columboscreens)

I'm a genderfluid pansexual guy (I make a LOTTTTT of... Um. Questionable jokes on here.)

Special Interest: Earthbound! Love it sm... ah

Hyperfixation list: Columbo, Ace Attorney, The Umbrella Academy, aSoUE, TiaET

Favorite bands are Queen, Tally Hall, and Metallica

Asks WILL NEVER CLOSE. SPAM ME!!!

I should probably mention my fucked up body (Celiac's disease, and also generally just being a 13 year old female)

And Autism+ADHD that too.

woohoo do I think I'm awesome.

Friendos!!! - @commandernachos @askjonathancrane @eway @coochie-sniffer3000 and how did I forget @kirbytimelma0

Sideblogs!!! @ask-the-triple-kill-squad @ask-the-attorneys @pearl-pokemon @definitely-supreme-court @earthbound-twitter @elders-archive @tiaet-official

Fandom tags!!! vvv

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beasanfi1997 · 7 months

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When they will made Darth Vader miniseries set in 9 BBY, i Hope that It will show us the prediction and foreshadowing, Four years before Star Wars Rebels because we will see Darth Vader, Qi'ra, 10 years old Ezra Bridger, Admiral Thrawn, Darth Maul, Arihnda Pryce, Maketh Tua, Morgan Elsbeth, Yogar Lyste, Kallus, Konstantine, Grand Inquisitor, Seventh Sister, Fifth Brother, Morad Sumar, Grint and Aresko and because First we see Anakin Skywalker made the seed of the Rebellion meeting Saw Gerrera on Onderon in Star Wars the Clone Wars season five before Disney bought Star Wars and now we see Ezra Met the Ghost Crew and i Hope that when they will made tales of Jedi another season we will see that Darth Vader said at Ezra to be careful during the ending scene from the First episode Spark of Rebellion from Star Wars Rebels season One Remember that he did It during the Clone Wars

Lorne Balfe will be the composter of this show

The cast Is:

Hayden Christensen: Darth Vader

Emilia Clarke: Qi'ra

Lars Mikkelsen: Admiral Thrawn

Ray Park: Darth Maul

Rupert Friend: Grand Inquisitor

#made darth vader miniseries #young ezra bridger #darth vader #qira #admiral thrawn #arihnda pryce #morgan elsbeth #maketh tua #grand inquisitor #alexsandr kallus #tales of jedi #tales of jedi spoilers #darth maul #disney bought star wars

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mokolat · 2 years

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Once upon a time was a puppet who aspire to become a real person. But he was a brash, naive, and lost puppet, and he couldn't stop to lies to himself and others and fall into troubles, despite a mini-conscience followed him in his misadventures. After being fooled and transform into donkey on the Land of Toys, the Blue Fairy come to give him some consolation...

Klaus as Pinocchio, illustration for “Once Upon a Time in Void” artbook collaboration organised by @imrights and with many others fanartists.

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sissytobitch10seconds · 2 years

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The Prince and the Knight

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: The story of the knight and his quest for his prince. Warnings: Viktor's deadname and she/her pronouns are used for the beginning part of the story until he comes out Word Count: 1,760 Ship(s): Five Hargreeves/Viktor Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: This is completely unedited and I have not read through it before I posted so if there are any typos of inconsistencies that's why. This is a type of writing that I have only ever tried once before so an assignment and I wasn't able to do it very well back then so I don't know if this is any better than that, haha. I hope that you all enjoy! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Once upon a time, there lived a very wealthy and powerful king. This kind had a wife, one who was very beautiful and very talented. She bore him two children, whom they cherished very dearly.

The children were the gems of King Reginald’s kingdom, loved and adored by their people as they were raised to take over their father’s throne when he passed or relinquished the power to the sharper minds of whichever of his children he chose.

The younger, meeker of the twins, Princess Vanya, was just as reclusive as her mother had been. It was said that she had also inherited her mother’s talents of music. The older twin was known to make appearances at the local taverns around the castle city, talking with the citizens of the country and fueling the economy by clearing out most of their cellars with his profuse drinking.

One day, Princess Vanya disappeared from the kingdom entirely.

No one was quite sure where she went, just that she was no longer there. She had always been reclusive, confiding only in her brother and Prince Klaus’ childhood best friend. She was unable to form that kind of bond with any of the children that she had been tutored with despite the ladies of the court forcing their children into her circles whenever possible. The closest that she got was Marcus, but when questioned he had no idea where she had gone either.

Queen Abigail became so upset about the disappearance of her beloved child, the one that she had helped nurture and develop while her husband focused primarily on Prince Klaus, that she passed away.

The entire kingdom was devastated, launched into a deep seated mourning both for the disappearance of their princess and the death of their queen.

In an effort to bring what remained of his family together, King Reginald called all willing and capable knights to report for duty. Once they had arrived, he informed them all of their quest: They were to set out across the lands- both friendly and hostile- in search of the missing princess. As soon as she was found, she was to be returned home to the waiting arms of her father. The knights were promised the chance to win the princess’ hand if she were so inclined to accept a proposal from them.

Many months of fruitless searching followed after the declaration from the king. The knights spread out across the lands and each of them returned home with their heads held low and their horse carrying one instead of the two they had been hoping for. Some of the knights did not return at all, instead making their own journey to the Undying Lands where the Queen now rested.

The King was growing restless, desperate to find his daughter and make sure that his children were still safe under his careful eye. He was running out of options, having exhausted all of the knights that had the ability to answer his summons and even reaching out to some of the other royals scattered across the lands in other kingdoms.

However, one knight had yet to answer the call. Sir Five, one of the most handsome, fearsome, and valiant warriors that the land had ever seen, was off on another quest for Madame Handler, a rival monarch to the king of the land that he hailed from, when King Reginald had issued his proclamation. As soon as Sir Five returned and his most loyal servants informed him of the chance to take on yet another heroic quest, he set out on his journey to the court of King Reginald.

Sir Five was given the same instructions as the other had been, though the king was fully expecting to lose his greatest knight on the fruitless quest to get his daughter back.

Unlike the other knights, Sir Five was intelligent about how he set off on the quest. The first thing that he did was pay a visit to the princess’ brother, Prince Klaus. He approached the young prince and asked, “Where has your sister gone?”

“I know not of any sister of mine,” the prince replied dismissively.

“I wish not to return her to your father, but to have the honor of saying that I have located her,” Sir Five replied, and he was speaking the truth. He had no interest in returning the princess to the control of the king, he only wished to do what others had not been able to do before him.

“I still know nothing of a sister of mine,” the prince replied sourly. “I only have a brother.”

Sir Five had been given information that none other had before as the prince was able to see into the knight’s soul, to tell that he was honest in his reasoning for wanting to find the missing royal.

He set out on his journey with the information that the prince had given him, stopping to question several more people that the missing twin had been close with before his disappearance. Sir Five was able to collect enough knowledge from these people alone to know where the younger of the two princes had gone.

He braved the perilous lands, fighting the ogres that challenged him to battle and freeing several spirits and fae that had been captured by the other knights who had gotten this far. They repaid him by helping him along in his quest just as the people of the kingdom had done before, guiding him closer and closer to the missing prince.

It had only taken Sir Five a fortnight by the time that he stumbled across the little cottage that he had been directed to by being after being. It was idyllic, something that the peasants of every country dreamed of having to retire in after their wearing lives.

The cottage itself was only big enough to hold one or two people comfortably, very obviously not built with children or relatives in mind. There was a quaint vegetable garden pushed up against the northernmost side so that the plants would be able to soak up as much of the radiant sunlight as they could during the daytime hours. There was also a small gathering of fruit trees, so tall that the sheep underneath them couldn’t nibble at the already budding fruits.

Sir Five approached the home, hoping that he would be sent on the last leg of his journey by whoever resided there, just as he caught sight of the man tending to the garden. The man sprang to his feet, his eyes wide and his stance defensive. “How did you find me?”

“I followed the way that the people of the kingdom gave me. Have you not received the other knights that have been sent this way?” Sir Five asked carefully.

“I have not,” the man replied indignantly. “No one else has been able to make it this far. They have been stopped. I wasn’t meant to be found.”

“Are you the missing prince?” Five asked. Not only was he one of the most sought after knights because of his fighting ability and his regal beauty (something that attracted many noblemen and women alike), but he was also fiercely intelligent.

“I might be. What is it to you?” the man asked.

“I simply wanted to say that I found you. Do not worry, I have no intention of returning you to your father,” Sir Five reassured quickly.

The prince, who had yet to give his newly chosen name, relaxed upon hearing the reassurance from the knight. “I am glad for that. I do not wish to ever go home. I am happy here.”

“How did you come across such a place? Surely you would have had to bring someone else with you to assist you in building your home,” Sir Five said. He knew, logically, that it had to have existed long before the prince’s disappearance because of the worn nature of the fence (a telling sign that it had been through many a winter) and the size of the fruit trees.

The prince gathered up the crops he had been harvesting from his garden and then walked closer to the knight. “I happened upon it during my travels, trying to find somewhere that I could be myself without the legacy of my mother or the watchful eyes of my father. The couple staying here had outgrown it and gifted it to me. They wished to be closer to the wife’s family as they had a son.”

“You like it here?” Sir Five asked as he took another look around the quaint meadow that the prince had made his home in.

“I do, very much.”

“Do you get lonely?”

They both seemed surprised that the knight had asked that, but neither shied away from the conversation that they had been having. The prince thought about it for a long moment before he answered, very quietly, “Yes.”

“Do you ever want to go back?”

“No.”

“Why?”

It was very unlike Sir Five to ask such questions, and yet he continued anyway. The prince didn’t seem very perturbed by it. Instead, he seemed happy to have company for the first time since whoever had owned the cabin before him had left. “I like it here,” he answered. “I can be myself, as I said earlier. I miss my brother, but he prefers to be around our people and receiving attention from the members of our court.”

Sir Five had heard rumors of Prince Klaus’ daliances with the noblemen of King Reginald’s kingdom, but for the most part he had tried to ignore them.

They both stood there, the soft breeze brushing across their skin and rippling the long green grass the coated the rest of the meadow the same way that fur would a sleeping dog, for a long moment. “Would you like to see what it’s like? To live a life where you can be who you wish whenever you wish?”

The knight thought about it for a long moment. Of course, he loved being a knight and getting to go on quests to help people and to prove that he was capable of such feats, but it did tire him so. “I suppose that I would, my prince.”

“I am not a prince as much as I am no longer Vanya. You may call me Viktor,” the man replied, a small smile gracing his features. “Now go into the house and change out of the stuffy armor. I am going to teach you how to garden.”

#fanfiction #writing #fanfic #archive of our own #ao3 #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fanfiction #the umbrella academy fanfiction #fiktor #five hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #five/viktor #viktor/five #five x viktor #viktor x five #fairy tale #trans character #trans viktor

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jamies · 2 years

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people talking about allison being annoying this season, when grace is literally right there

#i hate religious fanaticism as a plot point so fucking much #i HATE it #yall allison feels like she has nothing ??? she's literally traumatized ????#grace here is a fucking robot who talks about god and dressed herself like she just got out of the handmaid's tale lmfao #every time grace came on the screen i literally ??? wanted to power her down myself bye #tua spoilers #the umbrella academy spoilers #hush elle

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commissionsdarian · 1 year

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Same question as last night, why didn't you just show up next to them and briefcase him away or punch them?

🤷🤫

#dead men tell no tales #darian vaguely answers stuff #tua rp #oc

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orotrasparente · 2 months

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il problema diventa tale quando inizi a dover elemosinare anche piccole attenzioni banalissime, c’è una linea di non ritorno che coincide col momento in cui inizi a sentirti svalutato, quando una persona (che sia un’amicizia o di più) danneggia gravemente la tua autostima devi solo scappare ma correndo proprio come se ti stesse inseguendo un branco di lupi

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ruporas · 10 months

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apologies if you've already been asked this but do you have any favorite trigun fics? i absolutely adore your art btw!

thank you!!! and i've answered this on insta, but i don't think i've ever shared on tumblr... i'm not good at reading fics, esp long ones, because my attention span is pretty bad, but from the ones i have bookmarked, i'll share some that i like in no particular order

hills like white elephants (meet me halfway) - adlvnam

pairing: vashwood word count: 1.1k, sfw, vague post v.10 spoilers ‘I read a story once,’ Vash says, unsure. ‘I’m kind of thinking about it right now.’

i like a lot of adlvnam's fics, i find them very unique and creative in their execution, and their writing is wonderful! this was the first fic i've read from them and it's stuck with me ever since. others that i like from them are in manus tuas (no spoilers) and vox dei (warning for post vol.10 spoilers).

stay - Anonymous

pairing: vashwood word count: 2.3k, sfw, no spoilers “Hold up,” Vash groans. He presses his free hand to Wolfwood’s mouth and shushes him. He’s probably going for a stern look, though between his poor attempts to stop grinning like the biggest idiot this side of the planet and the way he’s patting him, it’s hard to take him seriously. “Stop laughin’. Where’s the keys?” “What keys?” Wolfwood tries to ask, muffled by Vash’s hand, and his tongue is a little thick and slow in his mouth so… something comes out, but it’s probably not very wordy. Word-like. Not a sentence, probably. (or, wolfwood and vash get drunk, bicker, and then share a bed together.)

i enjoyed the mundanity and silliness of this fic and i think about it from time to time... i think fics where one of them or both drink together are pleasant to read.

Last Summer - varilien

pairing: vashwood word count: 741, sfw, no spoilers You are what you love.

tags on this one are "sunrises, morning routines, coffee, sentimental" which caught my attention. very sweet and beautiful.

Rain - Kokohamstar

pairing: none, wolfwood centric word count: 768, sfw, major spoilers - post v.10 Ever since he was a little kid listening to Bible stories, he dreamed of the day the world would be washed clean and wondered what the rain would feel like on his face.

as most wolfwood centric fics, it was a gutpunch and melancholic, but still soooo.. augh.... the last paragraph really does it for me.

water bucket blues - fathomfive

pairing: vashwood word count: 3.7k, sfw, major spoilers, post trimax Vash the Stampede goes on the record about a friend he once had. Also about card games, cats, family, and some other things. "Start with a piece of the whole, Meryl said. It doesn’t have to be the first piece. Start with a specific. That’s what they mean when they throw around the words human interest. I know the pieces. Believing they make a whole is another thing. But she’s a broadcast professional and I trust her advice. Maybe if I can figure out how to tell one piece—like the story of Wolfwood as I knew him—I can learn how to tell the others."

i love vash pov fics and i love it when it's first person and this one in particular hits because it's his pov and he speaks, honestly, openly, telling a tale that he can't really flub because it's about the people he loved. i love how grounded this fic is in the present of max, i love how vash grows within the 3.7k words, i love how he moves forward with the world he's living in. this fic makes me teary if i think too much about it... it's really wonderful.

it’s a summer day, and I want to be wanted more than anything else in the world - goldenglitz

pairing: vashwood word count: 3.9k, nsfw, no spoilers Vash has the lung capacity of a man who’s cried for 150 years. It isn't like Wolfwood takes more than he gives — but like with most things, he barely keeps up with Vash. He works his body to the limit, even as his lungs burn and his legs and arms give out under him. They fuck like they’re on borrowed time. All of this makes it so easy — so much easier than just talking. Wolfwood would sometimes rather pull new and interesting noises from Vash with just his mouth than do anything else with it. Their own dialect: moans, groans, and four words. “Yes” — “Please” — “Vash” — “Wolfwood.”

i love all of their vashwood fics, they only have 3 but they're all lovely and has a sort of characterization to both vash and wolfwood i don't see often. definitely one of my faves, especially when it comes to explicit vw fics.

i think these are all the ones i'll share for now!!

#asks #thanks for sending this!#one day ill get around to the chapters long fics that has really enticing summaries #most of the fics i like tends to be more trimax based i realized... It's not that surprising but i always go like yay yippee whenever i fin #a more max-canon fic - not something i intentionally hunt down for but i have my bias dmgkgs

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angelap3 · 2 months

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Non so perdonare. Né dimenticare.

Lettera scritta in risposta ad Alberto Jacoviello, inviato di «la Repubblica» e «L'Unità», che si scusava per averla offesa in passato.

Caro Jacoviello,

....chiedere scusa, come tu hai fatto, quando si ha torto, è sempre nobile. E non molti ne sono capaci, non molti ne hanno il coraggio. Però devo dirti ciò che dirò e, se non lo facessi, mentirei non solo a te ma a me stessa.

....Io non so perdonare. Né perdonare né dimenticare. È uno dei miei più grandi limiti forse, e il più lugubre. E meno che mai so perdonare quando una ferita mi è stata inferta da persone dalle quali mi aspettavo affetto, tenerezza, o sulle quali mi facevo illusioni positive. Ciò non significa, naturalmente, ch'io dichiari guerra o resti in guerra con coloro che mi hanno ferito, offeso. Significa che quelle persone le liquido. Le cancello dai miei pensieri, dalla mia vita. Se le incontro per strada le saluto, in alcuni casi ci scambio una parola, ma dentro di me è come se mi rivolgessi a un'ombra. Esse non esistono più.

.....In questi ultimi due anni, cioè da quando la morte e il dolore si sono abbattuti su di me indurendomi, ho liquidato più persone che in tutta la mia vita. Non v'è uomo o donna colpevole verso di me che non sia finito nella Siberia dei miei sentimenti.

Hai perfettamente ragione a chiudere la tua lettera dicendo che chi non sa perdonare condanna sé stesso alla solitudine. Però hai torto a ritenere che tale «condanna» sia per tutti insopportabile. E dimentichi il proverbio che dice: «Meglio soli che male accompagnati». Non sempre la solitudine è una prigione. A volte, per alcuni, è una conquista che difende da ulteriori ferite ed offese. Solo i deboli e i poveri di spirito hanno paura della solitudine e si annoiano a stare soli. Io non sono debole. Sono molto forte, e durissima ormai. Non sono neanche povera di spirito. Quindi non ho paura della solitudine.

Tutte le volte che ti ho visto mi hai raccontato antichi insulti scritti i pensati. E tutte le volte che ti ho visto è stato come ricevere una coltellata nel cuore. Mi ha colto una nausea che solo la mia capacità di controllo è riuscita a nascondere o a vestire con gli abiti dell'indignazione. È probabile che la tua coscienza si senta lavata dal fatto di avermi confessato quegli antichi insulti scritti o pensati. Ma io non credo che confessare un peccato equivalga a cancellare il peccato. Quel concetto cattolico, anzi cristiano, mi ha sempre inorridito. I peccati commessi restano peccati commessi e niente può cancellarli: né Dio, né il diavolo, né gli uomini, né una sfilata di pater e di ave-maria detti per penitenza. Ciò vale per me, per te, per l'umanità intera presente e passata. Ecco perché non riesco a perdonare. Non voglio.

Ciò è spietato? Sono tanto spietata con me stessa che non vedo perché dovrei essere dolce con gli altri. Il massimo ch'io possa consentirmi è rispondere in modo esteso a chi mi ha scritto in modo esteso. Spiegarmi a chi mi ha spiegato. Ed è molto. Tu sei l'unica persona fra le decine che ho liquidato, esiliato nella Siberia dei sentimenti, cui abbia detto no con una lettera e non col silenzio. Di solito oppongo un silenzio di pietra. Quello che seguirà a questa lettera.

E così farò, sempre, in tutte le circostanze della vita, con tutti coloro che tentano di impormi una prepotenza. E non cederò, mai. Mai. E guai a chi si permette o si è permesso o si permetterà di mettere in dubbio la mia onestà professionale e personale: che poi sono, ovvio, la medesima cosa.

Ora mi è più facile dirti addio.

Peccato. Ma addio.

Oriana Fallaci

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fatalquiiete · 6 months

Text

...ogni tanto è bene ripostarlo:

7 frasi da evitare per non sembrare un analfabeta funzionale, di Dario Bressanini

1) “A me una volta è successo che…”:

sulla terra siamo 7 miliardi di persone, quindi quello che è successo a te costituisce “un settemiliardesimo” delle ipotesi possibili. L’esperienza personale non è una legge universale.

2) “Ho letto su internet che…”:

su internet c’è tutto, il contrario di tutto e tutte le sfumature che ci stanno in mezzo; se non hai le competenze specifiche per distinguere ciò che è plausibile da ciò che è inverosimile, quello che hai letto tu non significa assolutamente nulla perché tanto su internet c’è sempre anche il suo esatto contrario.

3) “Non credo alla versione/teoria ufficiale, dimostrami tu che è valida”:

una versione/teoria ufficiale è tale proprio perché gode già del supporto probatorio necessario per essere considerata preferibile a tutte le altre. Pertanto, se non credi alla versione ufficiale spetta a te l’onere di provare perché questa sia errata, e anche perché la tua sia invece valida. Pretendere l’inversione dell’onere della prova è un atteggiamento profondamente illogico e antiscientifico.

Il fatto che tu non comprenda il contenuto di quelle prove non significa che quelle prove non esistano o non siano valide, significa solo che tu non hai gli strumenti e le conoscenze per comprenderle.

4) “Ci guadagnano sopra, quindi sicuramente c’è qualcosa sotto”: se escludete i volontari e gli stagisti, tutte le professioni del mondo sono a scopo di lucro, quindi tutti noi guadagniamo da quello che facciamo. Ciò non ci rende tutti automaticamente parte di un qualche complotto o sotterfugio.

5) “Quella volta è accaduto che…, quindi anche questa volta…”:

“quella volta” è diversa da “questa volta”. Se una cosa capita in una occasione non c’è nessuna legge che stabilisce automaticamente che accada sempre e a tutti. Se un medico vende organi sotto banco, non significa che tutti i medici lo facciano ogni giorno; se un ingegnere sbaglia i calcoli, non significa che tutti gli ingegneri siano cani e non sappiano fare il loro lavoro; se un avvocato prende una mazzetta, non significa che tutti gli avvocati siano corrotti o corruttibili. Serve una prova specifica per ogni singolo caso.

6) “Tu hai la tua opinione, io ho diritto ad avere la mia”:

questo è un principio sacrosanto quando si parla di preferire le bionde o le brune, il mare o la montagna, la Juve o il Milan. Ma quando si parla di argomenti scientifici, la tua opinione non conta assolutamente nulla se non hai competenze e ragioni tecniche che possano dimostrare la validità di quella opinione; o forse pretendi di avere un’opinione anche su come si calcola l’area del triangolo?

7) “Non mi fido della roba chimica, quindi…”:

La chimica spiega la composizione della materia in generale, di conseguenza tutto ciò che esiste nell’universo è chimico. L’acqua ad esempio è composta da due atomi di idrogeno e uno di ossigeno, quindi è fatta di sostanze chimiche. E lo sei anche tu.

Se il vostro ragionamento si basa su uno o più di questi presupposti, sappiate che il vostro approccio è stupido, illogico e antiscientifico, quindi evitate di renderlo pubblico.

Ne va della vostra reputazione.

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