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savannahsdeath · 9 months

Note

heyyy could u write something where like reader is about to shower but starts to get really insecure and kinda has a breakdown, BUT ellie reassures her. (pls also give reader stretch marks bc i've been so insecure abt mine lately and i have them literally everywhere. thighs, hips, even on my boobs lol) <3

ELLIE WILLIAMS X INSECURE!READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! but tbh its minors safe this time i think ??

writers note: just a reminder youre all beautiful no matter what!! beauty standards or wtv was it called are something we shouldnt base our life on but we sadly do. self love is the key to happiness and dont let other people ruin it!!🩷🩷and to our lovely anon, you dont need to worry about stretch marks. trust me, most of people dont even pay attention to them! its nothing 'special in a bad way'. i lately got some too, right before my holidays and theyre sooo visible through my summer clothes but its something you can get used to be comfortable with. please, anon, dont think less of yourself because of them nor any other insecurities. and this comes to everyone!!💞

it was already late so you were getting ready to take a shower to not waste any more time. you put your clothes on a nearby shelf. you stood in front of the mirror in your underwear only, looking for anything that could be possibly pointed out, like you didn't have enough insecurities already. feeling rather self-conscious, you were examining your reflection for any flaws or imperfections. every detail of your body was being inspected up-close, from the lines on your stomach, to the size of your thighs, to the shape of your shoulders and face. your eyes were scanning every inch of you, seeking any signs of something you could hate, even if others wouldn't notice them. you couldn't help but wonder if the things you were stressing over were even worth worrying about, or if you were just creating problems where they didn't exist.

either way, you couldn't help but hate them. and since you mostly focused on bad things and you didn't see your advantages - you hated yourself. in your eyes your whole body could change. or even should change.

the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, picking apart every little thing, the more you hated what you saw. it felt like nothing was good enough, like every little imperfection needed to be changed or worked on. you felt like you could never measure up to this impossible standard, like your entire body was inadequate. the insecurities were eating away at you, gnawing away until any confidence or self-love you might've had was gone.

that was the moment your eyes beginned to get glossy. you didn't cry though, oh, no. you hated the way you look when you cry, just like everything else, so you tried your best to hold back tears. the floodgates were beginning to open, but you held them back with everything you had. you despised the way you looked when you cried: the tears down your cheeks, your puffy eyes, all those disgusting, revolting imperfections. as much as you hated your flaws, you despised your crying face even more. you would never let anyone see you like that, never.

suddenly, your girlfriend and roommate in one, knocked on the door. "everything okay in there?"

she must notice you're taking your time instead of simply taking a shower already.

you stayed silent, knowing if you try to open your mouth you couldn't control what comes from them. you'd probably break down and the thick door won't be enough to mute your pathetic sobs.

you didn't want to answer, but then again, you knew if you stayed quiet, your girlfriend would eventually come in and check on you. you had to keep yourself together. you couldn't fall apart right in front of her like that.

you let out a shaky breath and replied, "yeah, everything's fine." you could feel your voice cracking with each word, but you were determined not to let her see you in such a sorry state.

what if she sees me the way i see myself?

your girlfriend wasn't fooled by your shaky reply. even if you denied it, she knew something was wrong. she heard the emotion in your voice and could sense the struggle to keep yourself together. without another word, she opened the door and walked in.

"what's wrong, pretty girl?" she asked when she didn't saw your glossy eyes yet.

you, on the other hand, couldn't control yourself anymore. the nickname 'pretty girl' hit you instantly, thinking you're anything but pretty.

pretty.

girl.

those two words hit you harder than a punch to the gut, evoking a strong reaction that you tried to mask. you took a deep breath to steady your voice so that you didn't break, but it was impossible to sound completely calm when you felt so much pain just from those two words.

"nothing." you muttered quietly, but your voice sounded more like a choke than a word.

she hugged you from behind, looking in the same, unlucky mirror. her hands softly touched the scretch marks on your hips as she hold onto them, gently rocking you back and forth.

you wanted nothing more than to reject this hug and flee from your own reflection in the mirror, but you were too weak to pull away.

"nothing?" she asked gently, planting little kisses from your neck to shoulders.

you felt a wave of shame and embarrassment wash over you as your girlfriend's touch revealed the marks on your hips. she immediately spotted them and caressed them with her soft hands.

it all felt too much. you were fighting so hard to hold yourself together, but when she touched you, it all came crashing down. the tears finally escaped and you began to sob, clinging onto her tightly as you broke down. "no... not nothing..."

she held you close, feeling your warmth as her arms wrapped around you and her hands comforted your pain. she rubbed your back and kissed your neck as she tried to soothe you. "shh, come here, it's okay..." she whispered gently.

she led you over to the bed and laid you down. she carefully took off her shirt, leaving on only her bra and boxers, then laid down with you, hugging you tightly. she kissed your neck, your face, brushed your hair back, caressed your body, your stretch marks, your insecurities (at least the ones she knew about), anything to try and comfort you. she whispered words of reassurance and love as she tried to fill you with the affection you felt you lacked. "i love you, my pretty girl... i love you." she repeated those words again and again, hoping you'd believe that someone could love you, and that someone was her.

ellie continued to hold you tightly as you cried into her. your tears soaked into her bra, but she didn't mind; you'd done that many times before. she rubbed your back in soothing circles as she let you let it all out, and she made small shushing noises in your ear. your sobs turned into whimpers and then into a soft murmur, and as your emotions died down, she gently wiped away the tears, replacing them with kisses.

as she noticed you calmed down she slightly pulled away to get a better look at you. "can you tell me what's wrong now?"

"i... it's just..." you started, and your voice broke as you tried to find the words. your girlfriend gave you her undivided attention, focusing on you and only you. "i- i don't feel pretty... i don't feel good enough... i don't feel... enough."

with her eyes looking deep into yours, you couldn't help but be vulnerable as you opened up to her. your insecurities and flaws, the things you tried so hard to hide, were all laid bare in front of her now.

a pang of guilt hit you in that moment.

what am i doing?

ellie was so sweet and loving, and you felt like you were just taking advantage of her kindness. like you're just an attention seeker.

but before you could say anything, she pressed a finger to your lips.

"no. shut your mouth." she said sternly, and you couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "that's not true. i don't wanna hear it, not another word." she leaned in and pressed her soft lips to yours.

you found yourself sitting on her lap, as she stroked your hair, whispering something or kissing you from time to time. you told her all about it, about what and how you feel. and she listened.

you were so lost in your emotional story you didn't even notice the way she slowly took off her rings - one by one, and placed them on a bedside shelf.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #reqs open #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x insecure!reader #ellie x insecure!reader #insecure!reader

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thisfanisgonesorry · 10 months

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norman jayden smut. ykw i want.

you got it. thanks for giving me ur copy of resident evil<3 cw: drug use/drug addiction/drug withdrawal, stay safe qts. tags: femdom, smut wow, dubcon for both parties?, exhibitionism, humiliation, lil bit of praise, he wants to call you mommy but he doesnt, begging, you give him a handy and thats abt it, genderneutral but implied fem reader (duh)

I was finishing up a quick job for Jayden as he was quickly sent off on another, something across the country. He trusted me to stay behind and make sure it got wrapped up, however, walking into work afterwards was another story.

“Why aren’t you with Jayden?”

My boss spoke harshly with a donut and cup of coffee. The conversation was shortlived;

“I didn’t want to go?”

“Get your ass over there or you’re not getting paid.”

And so, much to my reluctance, I was coerced into joining him on the case he was deployed to. I was packed up and shipped off within the hour, with not much preplanning and not a single word was spoken to Norman about my arrival.

Not too long after landing, I’d been set up in the same hotel room, and was directed to the police station where they updated me on the case.

I synced up my ARI glasses to his as I walked through the building, trying to skim the current information on record. I was slowly making my way to his new appointed office.

Walking into the room was the last thing I expected.

The back of his chair was facing the doorway, but I saw myself— or an AI version of myself (which was, for some reason or another, completely naked)— and his whines were filling up the room quietly, and by the moment it seemed he didn’t care about being caught in his office. The AI looked up at me, and Jayden immediately flung his glasses off, causing the AI to disappear. He quickly pulled his pants up and spun his chair to face me.

His tie was loosely strung around his neck, despite being completely untied, his button up messily unbuttoned at the top and his jacket slung around the top of his chair, his pants still unzipped and unbuttoned, though he was modest enough to hide his dick behind his underwear.

“Are you joking?”

I slowly took my glasses off, folding them and placing them in my pocket. His face was completely white and pale, his nose was bleeding slightly and his hands were trembling as he desperately held onto the arms of his chair.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry- I don’t- I don’t know what this is. I’ve never- I’ve never seen this.. Before. In my life.” He realised he was caught in a lie as he spoke the wrong words, stammering over every word he could get out. “God, what is this strange technology?” He pretended to analyse the glasses, really trying to take the attention away from himself.

“Norman.”

“I’ve never done this before. I promise.”

“I don’t really care if you have or haven’t.” I sighed. “You’re on tripto again?”

“Can’t..” Jayden cut himself short, unable to continue his sentence. His bloodshot eyes looked up at me, a hint of desperation in them. His clammy hands struggled to keep a solid grip on the armrests. I couldn't help but wonder how long he'd been like this for, he’d been alone in this city for a few hours, and however much longer had he been locked away in this grungy office, trying not to get fired.

There’s a moment of silence between us, it was awkward, the room was hot and he was drenched in sweat. My eyes slowly scanned him, trying to fully process what was going on.

“I need to stay busy until this goes away.”

“I’ll let you—” I spoke, turning to leave.

“No.” He rushed out. “Please. Stay.”

“I don’t want to fuck you like this.”

Jayden's brows furrowed, as he quickly blinked. “I’m not high, Alright? I can consent, god, I’m so fucking sober." He spoke quickly.

“Norman—”

“You just saw me jerking off to an AI version of you.” He did a loose hand gesture, motioning about his previous actions. “Wouldn’t you say we’re past formalities?”

“How long have you had that?”

“Long enough to know that I want this.” The words hung heavy in the air, exposing his previous lie. As much as I wanted to believe the withdrawal was speaking for him, him having such a thing is not something made in just a moment’s notice of desperation. How long had Jayden wanted to fuck me?

I sighed and walked closer to him, one hand placed on the top of the chair like the AI had, leaning over him. “You are despicable.” I spoke harshly and he only let out a pathetic whine.

“Please.”

His button and zip remained undone, his white underwear made this seem almost innocent. Almost. I slid my hand under the fabric, feeling his wet and hard cock beneath my fingers.

“Ah, fuck.” He whined, jerking his hips upwards to meet the touch. I slowly wrapped my fingers around the girth of it, every single touch made him react like a virgin. “So soft.” He whispered, his hips twitching at the sensation.

“What if our supervisor saw that thing? What do I even call it?”

“It’s you.” He mumbled out.

“It’s not me. I’m me.”

“It’s.. I wish it was you.”

“You have to tell the supervisor about this.” I said sternly. “You’re explaining this to him.”

“Yes, yes, anything, just touch me, keep touching me.” He pleaded.

He threw his head back with a moan as I slowly stroked his length, limited by the fabric. He got the hint and tried to free himself from the tight clothes, lowering them just enough to give me control before his fingers returned tightly to the armrests.

“Good boy.” I purred and he took the fastest double take I’ve ever seen in my life before whimpering, going slightly limp in the chair.

He kept squirming slightly at my touch, writhing against it as his head stayed tilted back. There was a sheen of sweat covering his entire body and at this point, it was hard to tell if it was from me or not.

My hand reached the tip of his cock, lingering there as I gently squeezed the soft head, his body tensed up completely and his head jerked forward to look at me with wide eyes. His lips looked red and plump and his face was a subtle pink. His fingernails dug into the soft plush of the armrests, threatening to rip it to pieces.

“Touch... Let me...” He struggled out between pants. “Please.”

“Go on.”

He didn’t need much permission beyond that, quickly tugging at my white t-shirt, successfully pulling it over my head, despite needing to lose contact, he was being so, so very brave about it. I tugged his jacket off the top of his chair, throwing it around my shoulders to cover my back from the doorway and placing my shirt in its place.

“Someone could walk in. You know that right?” I spoke, wrapping my hand around his aching cock again.

He nodded mindlessly, still a whining mess as his hands reached up to feel my torso, his palms explored as much as he could. He was still meticulous, almost careful to not push his luck despite how unfortunate of a situation he’d found himself in.

“I wanna do so much to you.” He confessed, still mindless, I don’t even think he was aware of the words leaving his mouth as his eyes stayed glued to my body. “Please don’t let this be the only time we do this.”

“Keep it down.” I spoke sternly. His response was merely an incoherent string of ‘Yes, sorry’ and ‘Please, more’, and it was hard to make it out. “Do you want someone to catch us?”

“Yes—”

He quickly let out a loud moan before covering his mouth with his hand, closing his eyes and harshly hitting his head against the headrest. His other hand was still on my body, greedily squeezing what he could.

“You want that to be your first impression?”

He shook his head, keeping his hand tight on his mouth.

“Or do you want everyone to know I’m all yours?”

“God, fuck, yes.” He finally choked out, lowering his hand. “Y’re so sexy. They’ll want you s’bad, I want you. So bad.”

“You’re pathetic.” I whispered, leaning closer to his face.

“I know.”

“You always like this?”

“Sometimes.” He spoke quickly, opening his eyes briefly to watch me. “Not always.”

My hand lingered back to his tip, squeezing it again, watching him squirm helplessly beneath me as he struggled to breathe, talk or even think. The only sounds that left him for the few moments I kept him like this were whimpers.

“You think about this often?” I moved back to stroke his shaft, harder and faster, getting sick of this taking so long but it was expected from a drug addict.

“Sometimes.” He stammered out.

“Not always?”

He just sighed before a deep moan crawled its way out of his soul. “Ohh, fuck me. Please please please.” He pleaded, his eyes wide once again.

I smiled down at him and he looked like he was about to cry at the sight of it.

“You moan like a pornstar.”

“Y/n, I’m so fuckin’ close.” He whined out desperately.

His hips began to jerk to meet my movements.

“Let me, please, let me—”

His jaw finally went slack and his breathing quickened, he tried to swallow thickly but his throat was completely dry, his hands fell from their places without moving very far, one landed on the armrest and the other desperately clung to the jacket.

“Be a good boy.” I praised and he instantly preened under the words. “Cum for me, Jayden.”

“Oh god, fuck, oh god.” He spoke, slowly chanting as it peaked in volume. It was high pitch and sounded like a squeak as he got faster. “Oh god, fuckfuckfuck.”

I quickly moved my hand to the tip of his cock, catching all his cum in my palm to not ruin his suit, or make our rendezvous more obvious than it already was. He desperately thrust into my hand to finish his orgasm as he whimpered and whined through it.

“You got it. You’re doing great.”

He sighed though it sounded the exact same as a whine as he tried to milk his cock with my hand before slumping down completely.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” He babbled, trying to catch his breath.

I pulled my hand away from him, opening my palm to see his mess. I furrowed my eyebrows, unsure what he was even apologising for, if it even was for anything in specific. He squirmed and slightly thrashed against the chair as he tried to calm himself. I couldn’t find anything in the room that I could wipe my hand with, and keeping it open only made him stare into it.

“I’m so sorry.” He pleaded.

“Relax.” I said sternly, shaking my head at him. “Use your words.”

“About the AI, I just—”

“It’s fine, consider it forgotten.”

“It’s weird, it’s creepy. I feel like a ra—”

“Then don’t use it again.” I said bluntly. “This conversation's over, Norman.”

He looked up at me, nodding slightly as he glanced back down to my palm. He wasn’t the easiest to read but it was clear to tell he had a million thoughts.

The door opened and I flinched slightly, turning my head to see a cop walk in, careful to keep my back to him and my cum-covered hand hidden from view, while also shielding Jaydens flaccid cock from prying eyes.

“Carter!” Jayden exclaimed, looking like a deer in headlights, still hiding behind my body.

He stared in silence for a moment, tossing the new file on the desk and turning around and leaving without a word.

“Two things you have to explain to our supervisor.” I said plainly.

I walked past him and found something to wipe my hand on, finding a packet of tissues hidden away. I opened it harshly, as best I could with one hand, wiped off the solidifying liquid and tossed it in the trash.

“You should get your pants on.” I spoke, standing in front of him again, handing him his jacket so I could put my shirt back on.

He frowned. “Don’t act like this. Please.” I figured once he’d came, he’d go back to his usual self, but of course not. He was still vulnerable and I was being a dick.

“You did great, Norm.” I praised softly.

He sighed as he tried to shuffle his pants back on, doing them up properly this time. He tensed slightly, and I tried to sooth it by running my fingers through his sweaty hair. He looked completely dishevelled, and Carter probably had the sight of his life.

“I meant it.” He spoke boldly after a few moments of silence. Despite his scruffy appearance, Jayden wanted his intentions to be as clear as possible. “I don’t.. I don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

“If we don’t get fired, I’ll make a note of it.”

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infiniteorangethethird · 6 months

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hey! sorry if this is weird but would u mind explaining what being "loveless" means? like in the way people say "loveless aro" or "loveless apl" etc

Heya there, not a weird question at all! However I do wanna preface this by saying that other ppl in the community might have different experiences with the term than I do, different reasons for identifying with it, so just keep in mind that as almost everything, being loveless is a spectrum and others might have slightly varying definitions of it.

I'll give a shorter, more generic reply, and then a longer explanation of my own relationship with the word, hopefully it'll be enough to paint a picture to anyone new to the term. (If not, feel free to ask follow-up questions! I love talking abt this stuff lol)

In general terms, loveless is pretty much what it says on the lid. The LGBTQIA+ wiki describes it as someone who "is in some way disconnected from the concept of love, does not feel love, may doubt that they feel love, or rejects the idea that they need to experience love". Basically, someone who doesn't feel love, or feels it in a way so disconnected from how other people seem to experience it that calling it love would feel disingenuous, wrong. Ppl who identify as loveless are usually reclaiming a word that has been used against them so many times - essentially saying "actually I don't feel love (the way society expects me to) and that is okay".

In terms of my personal experience: from what I can have seen, when people say they love someone, what they mean is an emotional desire to be with someone - to spend time with them, to talk to them, to make them happy, make sure they are safe and well. You get the gist. The important parts to consider here are the fact that it is an emotion, and that it is directed at a person/concept, not the actions surrounding that person/concept. It doesn't matter what you do or what the other person does, you want to spend time with them, even if it would need you to do or try things you otherwise wouldn't even think about doing. (The trope of "going to see a movie you hate but your loved one loves" comes to my mind.) You don't desire the actions, you desire the person, so to speak.

And this is exaclty the thing I don't experience. When I spend time with people, I do it with the expectation that I get something out of the interaction - a good time, help or support, a listening ear to my current brainrot, whatever, which I "pay back" by offering my support, my help, my listening ear when the other party needs it. I am not drawn towards people but rather experiences - and if those experiences involve or are made better by involving others, it matters little to me who those others are, so long as the experience itself is not ruined. It's always so strange to me when people go into things they don't really enjoy just to appease someone they love - if you don't want to do it, then why do it when someone else wants you to? And even more so: why do you want to spend time with someone when every interaction you have with them makes you unhappy, makes you suffer? ("They sometimes treat me badly but I can't just stop loving them" is a sentiment I hear a lot and don't understand at all.)

But most people don't view relationships as exchanges of goods and services, and have an expectation of this emotional drive from the other party. This emotional drive is what I'm missing, and this lack of drive is the reason I choose to call myself loveless. It might be tempting to assume that I choose to not feel love, that I am deliberately distancing myself from people, but trust me: I've tried for many many years to force myself to love others, but emotions don't exactly work like that. Me calling myself loveless is accepting that there's an emotion others experience that I don't, and that it's okay to not be able to feel love. It frees me of the expectations I have been putting on myself for so long.

I hope this helps answering your question 😊 other loveless ppl feel free to add onto this, the more thoughts shared the merrier!

#loveless #loveless aro #loveless apl #loveless aromantic #loveless aplatonic #aromantic #aro #arospec #aplatonic #aspec #queer stuff #posts that are made awkwarder when i realize im mutuals with an irl friend #please don't be mad at me for this bestie :(

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toomuchsky · 4 months

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got a new car. having a lot of feelings abt it that i’m journaling abt on tumblr instead of processing internally. (lots of very privileged Big Money Feelings fair warning) but also look at him. momo. 🥹🥹🥹

basically after the insane amt of car troubles the last car gave me and the extra 4k it was asking from me in repairs, my dad finally was like “can you let me help you” and offered to help me buy out the loan on appa. one contingency was that i had to buy a new car, not anything used. so my car payment basically more than doubled, but i do have a car now that can take me from point a to point b and will hopefully ! not break down on me anytime soon. (with my luck tho who knows). i also still have the credit card debt from the engine but he was like “do your best to pay it off but if there is a difference at the end of the 0% apr period well see what i can help with”

i’m having! weird feelings abt it! lots of shame around having to accept money from my parents, lots of guilt around having parents that can afford to do this, also a lot of like. relief right?? i have a car that works! and he’s cute!

but also new cars freak me out dude. cars should all be dumber in my opinion. why is there an ipad on a vehicle that i can also drive at 90mph??? why is it yelling at me to brake leave me alone let me brake on my own terms!!! and every single thing is electronics. and they break so often and are so expensive to fix!! and everything these days is built to break!!! it makes me so mad and angry!!!!

but also on the other hand! i feel like i understand every single rich person neuroses now. every single speck of dust on this car is tantamount to a dent on another car. if i even scratch this car i’ll be so sad bc it’s NEW! she has 10 MILES ON HER. and there’s too many features!!! how am i supposed to learn them all!! feeling very old man yells at cloud abt it all!!! like normally i am also very generous with my car! i’ll let people drive it i don’t care etc but with this one i’m feeling extremely like don’t even breathe on him actually please don’t even look in his direction. like i’m feeling insane. u know that monopoly study they do where people become more stingy the richer they get. that’s how i’m feeling.

also having some feelings about what a new car like this looks like to people idk. like what will people perceive me as???? like this wasn’t my choice!!! tbf the car market is still insane and even a slightly used car would be abt the same price tbh but. feeling like i need to process these feelings with everyone so that no one judges me for having a new car or feels weird abt my parents having the ability and willingness to help me out here. like i understand this is mostly projection bc IM feeling weird about it and wealth (lol at the thought of wealth. i’m like 40k in debt not including student loans at 29 which feels insane.) and all that but.

he’s smaller than a lot of the suv’s i’ve had before but honestly probably enough size!!!! also the car payment is so much and idk how i’m gonna afford it for 6 years. i love him so much i can’t wait to go on a million road trips now that i can trust my car won’t break down on me in the middle of the road AGAIN. i also wanna throw up whenever i look at him. i love feeling safe and cozy and playing with all the new features. if it gives me a lane warning again i’ll blow it up myself.

dualities man. here we are.

#don't look at me

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sinsandsweetness · 7 months

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hey t, 🍒 here!!! i’ve seen 🧸 and bby’s messages and it’s kinda made me feel a bit braver to let this out. i recently turned 18 (like 3 months ago) and my further geography teacher has been kinda perving on me 😭 like don’t get me wrong he’s not bad looking and i’d def SMASH but i feel like it’s a bit off since he’s taught me since i was 16. and it’s not just normal ish stuff like he calls me baby and babygirl (tbf tho he calls everyone nicknames, never that though), and he was helping me out with something the other day and his hand was on my thigh. i feel kinda grossed out but i kinda want him uhhh what do i do??? ts so wrong but like sorta hot ughhh do you have any advice because i feel super objectified but i really want his attention because his subject is important to me and also it does seem like he really cares abt me but i’m still really unsureeee

Hi sweetie <3

I want to be super super clear about this and I don’t want you to think I’m being mean in any way. I just have really strong feelings about your situation.

He’s grooming you.

The fact that he’s your teacher, while the situation might be hot in your mind, would be abusing his power over you. It’s beyond creepy that he has known you since 16 and now that you’re of legal age, is making uncomfortable moves on you. He’s an authority figure and he knows better than to be talking to you that way and touching you that way. I assume he’s in his 30s or 40s and when it comes to maturity, there is a HUGE difference between 18 and 30. Even between 18 and 21, I myself am an entirely different person than I was at 18. Your frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed by 25. I know that might not feel good to hear but it’s true.

To put it blunt, your teacher is a creep. If you were 30 and doing your masters or your phd, I might feel differently. But you’re not. You’re freshly 18 and he’s your teacher.

Don’t go for this. Don’t do it. Don’t romanticize it. Don’t convince yourself that you need to sleep with an older guy just because anyone else is. Or even just because you have convinced yourself that you want to. You said yourself that it grosses you out and makes you feel objectified. That is enough for me to see you don’t actually want this. You just want some form of attention and validation that sleeping with him would bring.

Spoiler alert, it won’t. In fact, it’ll probably make you feel worse. It will make you feel even more objectified.

I slept with guys back at 18 for the sole purpose of attention. Looking back now, there are things I did that I definitely wish I hadn’t. And they weren’t even any older than me.

And sweetie… you’re still a kid. Like you said, you can’t even drink yet. There’s no way for me to look at this situation and feel that sleeping with him or pursuing him is a good idea.

It’s not.

Next time he makes an uncomfortable comment or touches you like that, you should probably bring it up with your principle or some other trusted staff member.

I say all of this with immense kindness and concern in my heart.

Be safe my love <3

#🍒 anon #serious talks with t #inbox

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hibernationsuit · 8 months

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Ask game :)

3. [I] trusted [you]

thank uu!!!

wanted to work on Toby's pre-Hope story so get some tired scientist thoughts who's about to Fuck Up badly :(

I trusted you Sometimes, working somewhere is hard when you have a strong sense of ethics. Sometimes, you want to bring it up. Sometimes, you get fired for that. Good thing there's always a chance to collect some evidence while you're still there. But is talking to your coworker about it always a good thing? aka Tobias sets up a meeting with a journalist in a dark alley in the middle of the night. Nothing goes right. Warnings: death, blood, violence mention, gun mention

also yes he's gonna be fine dw abt it

The whole walk the only thing I had thought about was that I really should've taken a bag. The cold wind was blowing right into my face, and the hood did nothing to stop the raindrops from getting into my face. My hands were clutching a datapad and two folders close to my chest, as if protecting them from the rain was more important than myself.

The streets were quiet. Everyone would be inside right now, drying their clothes and getting a warm meal to fight the cold air and rain outside. No one goes out in a weather like this. Yet here I was.

When I scheduled the meeting with the journalist, I didn't think it would be raining like this. I thought that the dark evening would be enough to keep people from seeing us, but rain seemed like a gift to keep us safe from curious eyes.

Yet I felt like something was off.

Ignoring one's feelings is not a smart mive, but I continued walking regardless, determined to get my voice heard. No rain would stop me from telling the truth.

I spotted the alley right away. Normally, no one notices it - the gates are half closed and its front was always cluttered with boxes, trash cans and other things. That's why it seemed like a perfect meeting spot.

No matter how quickly I tried to walk, I was still late, and the clock on one of the house's walls clearly pointed that out. Sure the journalist would still be there?

I slipped through the gates, carefully stepping over a pile of newspapers and other things that fell out of a broken trash bag.

"Hello?" I called out. No answer. "Is anyone here?" Don't tell me she left already.

I clenched the datapad even more and looked around. The only working street lamp was right in the beginning of the alley, and the orange light didn't reach the end. I started walking towards it. "Hello?"

Still nothing. I felt like pacing around the alley for a while, before deciding to leave. If nothing happened, I'd leave and try again.

Walking back closer to the light I noticed a weird, human-shaped object laying next to an abandoned box, hidden well in a shadowy area.

It was the journalist. With a bullet wound in his forehead.

Oh shit.

I backed off from the body and bumped into the wall. I need to get out of here.

"Found your friend?" A familiar, husky voice startled me. I turned to the entrance and saw Laura standing there, with a pistol in her hand.

"You...you killed her?"

"Yes. And before you ask, yes, I am working with Jackson." She started walking, pointing the gun with the same calmness and steadiness as she held the test tubes in a lab. Has she done this before? "You really need to watch who you talk to, Tobias. Curiosity kills the cat, and so do loose lips."

"You...Are you serious? After all that I showed to you?" My voice trembled, and so did my hands. "I trusted you."

"I have a trustworthly face, don't I?" She chuckled. "Give me the evidence, and I'll finish this quickly."

"No, never. How can you defend all of this?"

"Everything has a price. They pay well for closing your mouth. Now be a good boy and hand over the documents."

"I said no."

"Fine, be like that. I'll just pry them from your dying hands," she frowned and pulled the trigger.

#asks #my writing #my ocs #oc: tobias #HE'S FINE. he's shot but he's fine 👍 i just felt like ending it on that hehehehe #long story short he wrote a note for himself to remember the meeting and left it somewhere visible. klara came home and saw it and called #for help. klara saves the day 🤍#and then ruins it again a few hours later by mentioning the hope. yay for that #apologies for the typos it's 1am and i simply don't care to proofread anything. enjoy!

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lloydfrontera · 1 year

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Hi, i just speedran the entire webcomic yesterday and kinda maybe? spoiled myself with the webnovel here on tumblr and i just had to ask--

Do you ever think lloyd ever mourns his past selves?

All the iterations of him that worked so, so hard to get closer to their goal but ultimately failed due to some blindsided error or something he didnt consider, and at the moment of their death, tried so hard to give at least one tiny hint to the next iteration of lloyd who would inevitably do the same things the last lloyd did up to that point and just hoping-- praying to whatever higher power is up there, that at least this version of lloyd, this next one, would get at least a little farther than him?

Do you think that, on a quiet moment after lloyd overcomes whatever killed a past version of him, he sheds a few tears for them? Counting how many lloyds deaths and clues and hints that helped him get to this point? Do you think that, with the weight and trust in all his past selves have in him or at least some version of him, he feels some sort of motivation to keep going? To go farther than all these past lives and accomplish what they couldnt both in his own name and theirs?

Do you think Javier ever finds him shedding these few too many (too little) tears and etching another line in either a notebook or his shovel and wondered, who are those lines for? What or who do they represent? Why do you cry for these lines? And why do they keep increasing in number?

I dunno, i just saw your post abt tbe Ending Spoiler thing and my brain couldnt stop brrrrrrrrr-ing since yesterday

ooohhh i like how you think <33 we can give lloyd so many more issues. besides the ones he already has obviously :)

i'll try to avoid as many spoilers as i can but still general warning for novel spoilers yada yada

i think. i think lloyd is way too busy to grieve. after all, grief is. it is too big. it is too heavy. if you stop and let it catch up to you it sticks to you and weights you down and makes it hard to start going all over again. and lloyd can't afford that, he has so much to do, so many things that need his attention, so many problems he has to solve, he can't. stop and think about it.

(he can't think of his future/past selves who lost everything and everyone and slowly one by one lost the will to keep on going. who had to have known he'd see them dying, that had to know they died and their deaths were nothing more than a warning for him. that's what grief does to you. it's what grief did/does/will do to him. he can't think about it)

(he does. constantly. endlessly)

(lloyd is good at lying)

(he's self-aware enough to know he's good at lying to himself too)

he sees those other versions of him and it's him, they act, speak, think like he does, they did exactly what he would've done, if he hadn't cheated, if he hadn't looked into the future, if he hadn't used histheir deaths to avoid falling to the same mistakes they did, that would've been him too.

but he did. so he isn't. and that's. that's enough for now. they died and he would've died but they died making sure he wouldn't and he can't stop to think about that because if he does the grief will catch up to him and he's seen what grief does to him and he can't afford to waste theirhis efforts like that.

(and if he cries in his room when the world is asleep and there's no work to be done until the sun comes out then that's between his pillow and him) (and the knight that eventually learned how to feign sleep because he has a master that puts himself in danger like he knows javier would fight heaven and hell themselves to keep him safe but also puts him to sleep before sneaking out to who knows where so what's the point-)

(the knight sometimes thinks his master is grieving someone but he doesn't know how to ask about it without asking if it's someone from a different world) (he adds it to the list of questions he has for when his master finally decides to trust him enough to tell him the truth)

(if the knight had known he never would he wouldn't have waited. an angry master was better than a dead one)

lloyd is, above anything else, pragmatic. he sees his future selves die and he takes the knowledge they desperately threw his way in a last ditch effort for him to avoid their fate and he applies it to his own fate and he doesn't die and he goes on living because theyhe died for this so he can't ruin it by feelings of all things

but. he marks them down, one by one, because if there's anything worth remembering, seeing yourself die and then avoiding it should be somewhere in that list. and it's a strange feeling, being able to look and count how many times he's cheated death, how many times he's tried over and over again to get the happy ending he's looking for. how many times he's failed but most importantly how many time's he's succeeded at getting closer to it.

he's already this far, he can't let himself (themselves?) down by not getting there at the end, now can he?

#hey i got an ask #the-2nd-random-kid #the greatest estate developer spoilers #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #i just think. lloyd should've seen himself die a few more times. for plot reasons :)#also for bonus points it should've been increasingly obvious that as time went on and more attempts were made #and more visions were had. lloyd's deaths started being more and more self inflicted with each spoiler.#like. it starts with a monster invasion. then a sickness. then alcohol poisoning. then death by javier. and then. well.#i just think we should've gotten to see the obvious conclusion #altho maybe the ending can count 🤔?? mmmm many thoughts about that #thank you for the ask it was delightful <333 #tged

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seijorhi · 1 year

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Hi again, rhi! T’is I, the close-enough-mikey-ask-to-tailspin :-))) i have to admit that you got me at the edge of my seat when u suddenly posted sumn abt getting out of ur wips,,,like i really had a hunch that it was my ask and believe it or not, i really wanted to send u an ask to confirm it but i had to restrain myself bc i don’t want to look annoying or assuming or sumn haahhaha

But OMG i didn’t expect that this fic will feature not just one, but three tr characters!?!?!?? It’s really fascinating how you chose chifuyu as the one having a moral dilemma in dealing with restraining his feelings for the reader. Well imo, it’s very genius of you to have chifuyu portray the role seeing how his canon character in tr has a kinda similar drive to save the ppl he cherishes just the way takemichi does to everyone + he’s got that “good boy” kinda vibe (even though he’s a delinquent) like those really cute coffee/flower/petshop owners who’s all smiles once you enter their store (and you’ll later on know that they’re actually not who you think they are)???

Going back to the story, did chifuyu, in his time leap to “save” reader, instantly kidnap reader and explained his agenda to baji and kazutora, or was it a long process of gaining reader’s trust while the other two oblivious of chifuyu’s newfound ability, and their yandere tendencies towards reader just slowly manifesting the more they got to know them?

Thank you for gracing us with another lovely fic, rhi! Have a great day/night/noon <333

Lmao I made that post and then two hours later I was like… wait, did that come across too mean?? I was only joking 😭😭😭 shdhdjdkdllflf but yes, thank you for both asks my love!

The thing I love about Chifuyu is when you put him against characters like Baji and Tora, Mikey even, he comes across as a much milder option – the voice of reason, the friend you turn to. But there’s that scene where he talks about stripping people naked and beating the hell out of them because they were disrespecting Baji and like… that boy has issues <33

And that’s sort of reflected in the fic, I think? At first he paints himself as more of an enabler than anything else, letting horrible things happen to you because that’s what Baji and Tora want/need, and then it slowly comes out that he’s just as fucked up as they are, and wants you equally as bad.

As for what happens when he jumps back, Chifuyu’s terrified of losing her, so while he sets up on his little stalking mission, he also sets about making sure they have somewhere safe and comfortable to keep her, and figuring out how he’s going to take her and when. There’s no slow easing her into this, there’s really not much point.

That’s for the reader’s side of things. With kazutora and baji, it’s more… he doesn’t just come out and announce it, but he also doesn’t make much of an effort to conceal what he’s doing from them. It’s a waiting game – how long will it take before they notice he’s acting weird, and follow him one night to her place? How long before morbid curiosity wins out? By the time he’s ready to bring you home, they’re more than happy to help :))

Besides, he has the benefit of hindsight on his hands. He knows they’re gonna love her, and they won’t lift a finger to stop him from keeping her locked away and safe.

#rhi answers #THANK YOU NONNIE 💕#fic asks #tailspin

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rosekasa · 2 months

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I dont know who to ask but since ur an artjst, how do i feel better abt my art? i love the process, love to draw my thoughts but at the end when i see what ive made, im not happy? it doesn't look good to me and that just sours my happiness over the process entirely. i don't know why but i had fun doing it but now its disgusting to me and its an endless cycle

oh anon. big hugs. im so sorry you're dealing with this. ive struggled with this myself for years and it's so difficult, especially when you see others seemingly effortlessly creating whatever they want and having it look beautiful everytime.

this is going to sound so cheesy, but honestly? what helped me was believing in myself more. i tried to understand what exactly the difference is between myself and the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised it was very little to do with the actual end result of my pieces and rather how i felt about them -- i wanted to feel like i could have an idea and immediately sit down to draw it instead of wondering if i had the skills to, i wanted to be able to draw something that i was genuinely excited about rather than something i thought was 'safe', and most of all i wanted to draw without being scared that i might not like the results. not liking the end results for me wasn't a sign that my art was bad, it was a sign that I wasn't thinking or acting like the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised that that artist would not doubt herself so much, regardless of the results she's producing. she would know that if there's anything she wants to add to her skillset, she can experiment with it and have fun and live in the knowledge that whatever she produces will make her happy.

i give this advice but i also want to let you know that i still go through bouts of this and im sure every other artist does too. like, i havent drawn anything since october because my brain keeps telling me that art is hard and i wont be able to draw fast enough and there's nothing i want to draw anyway. it doesn't help when the evidence i see corroborates it too -- e.g., losing followers on instagram within a week of inactivity, or the fact that my folders for november to february are completely devoid of any art, or just the simple fact i have not willingly sat down with my ipad for a while. but something im starting to realise is that you dont need to wait for the things you see to tell you that you're the person you want to be. you can be that person regardless, because if you think about it that person probably also would have that same confidence in themselves!

i really hope this helped you anon. and if you have time today you should try to draw something and do it with utmost love and trust in yourself. writing this response made me want to do the same so we can do it like a challenge together, because im rooting you on!!!

#ask #anon

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8000000cherries · 4 months

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i think i just dont feel safe or secure w either of the guys im talking to and its my fault i think. guy 1 it's mostly because it's long distance so i see him like once or twice every couple of months but weve talked since july but we dont even text that often anymore but we call like twice a week or smthn like that and i like talking to him it's just not enough and i feel like something is lacking or like it's not indepth enough even tho i know i hold myself back a lot but i just dont feel comfortable expressing affection to him even tho it's what i want ig thats the only thing i miss abt my ex is we would say i love u to each other pretty often and i didnt feel awkward saying it but yeah.. i dont think im inlove w him tho but idk i just like him a lot and i think he knows it we would say it more in the summer but i wish i could say it more but i feel like i cant until he says it first i guess. but also i knew it wasnt going anywhere cuz he lives across the country and i only see him when he comes home to visit his family so any time hes back hes gonna prioritize seeing his family and friends which is understandable i cant expect a committed relationship from him but i just like him a lot and we get along well and he makes me laugh so hard but i think i built him up in my head for soo long. guy 2 i think is leading me onnnn but ive had a crush on him for like 2 years and we were friends before and i told him i liked him but dont trust him and it made him cry but he said he cares alot about me but never said he likes me back so it makes me insecure lol lmao. it feels like we're dating but also he isnt super affectionate or anything when we're in public and i think thats fine but i think if i were to be in a relationship w someone i would like some small forms of affection but also i think im self sabotaging and wont let myself be forward w him or tell him what i want whcih is my fault i think . but also why do i have to be the one that brings up the convo.. like about exclusivity and intentions and what not.sooo dumb. i guess i thought it would be like a fwb situation and i didnt wanna get my hopes up but i did so its dumb of me. he definitely is talking to other ppl i dont blame him we arent exclusive. dont even really know what we are. i want a relationship but i just dont know hes the right person for me i have that feeling in my gut but my brain tells me nothing is wrong and its fine and i still wanna talk to him and miss him. just have a feeling he doesnt really want me and he'll fuck me over. i wish things werent so complicated and i wanna communicate better and wish i knew how i felt really and how to not be scared of everything. i dont think im ready to love but i so want it and probably from the wrong people.

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 6 months

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Can I just say that I really love your Akari as protag? She's just such an authentic-feeling teenager, albeit one in various states of traumatic situations. Rei as well, in OoP, feels very believably like a teenager. It makes the betrayal they go through all the more hurtful to me, and makes me feel protective. All your Akari's do, though; I just want to wrap her in warm blankets and feed her good food and protect her from harm. It feels so unjust that this kid, who you make so convincingly adolescent, be stuck in these situations. But that's also what makes to so great to read, since it brings out such strong emotions.

WAAAH YOU ALL ARE BEING SO NICE TO ME...

ahem. um. yeah!! thank you!! no no we are completely in agreement re: all feelings about akari and the teenz in general. get her OUT of situations she should be tucked in cozy in bed (<- continuing to put her in situations). i actually think a lot about rei and akari and their relative characterization—since like, they're sort of meant to be blank slates in canon, but they've both developed into such distinctive characters in my head. and some of that does come from the protag-counterpart's characterization, yeah, but like, i don't think canon counterpart!rei is quite as much of a scaredy-cat as my rei is. counterpart!akari speaks in a more formal register and is more levelheaded. you get what i mean. they're different!

...i could talk a lot abt their characters really but. on topic, wrt wanting to protect akari, i think akari also. wants to be protected sometimes. like there's definitely a thing of kids wanting to be treated as adults, but like, akari is treated like an adult. by a lot of people. jubilife sees her as old enough to work one of their more dangerous jobs, to live on her own and more or less fend for herself. she's thrust into this role and responsibility of Hero, and she likes the respect and trust that gives her, and she wants to be the one to help everyone, but also. that respect and responsibility comes with an equal lack of support. and that's scary! she has to do this all on her own, with very little to guide her, almost nothing to fall back on if she fails. like, the adults around her do Exist, but again, they mostly treat her as this responsible, brave hero. they don't necessarily see her as a kid, exactly.

which i think is part of why, especially in oop, she becomes such fast friends with ingo. because ingo doesn't necessarily devalue her very real skills (teenagers soloing apocalypse cults is like a regular tuesday in The Future. any teenager can be scary if they turn out to be besties with a demigod or something) but he does look at her and still see how young she is, you know? and sometimes it's nice to be allowed to be small. to have someone say no, this doesn't need to be your responsibility. come here, sit down, i'll take care of it. you're safe. you can stop.

idk this was a lot of rambling maybe. points at Sinnoh is Silent that's also relevant. it's this delicate tightrope walk between "want to be a person with agency" and "don't want to do everything all by myself." yknow, like a 15 year old would feel! yknow?

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #anonymous #jailbirds au #pladoption au #i didn't talk about rei AT ALL oops. sorry rei it got too long #but yeah!! also him!! he's not even a hero ffs he truly is just some kid #getting caught up in The Narrative bc he's accidentally besties with its favorite person #i like writing younger characters bc i feel like they have more permission by default to be emotional #in a way that wouldn't necessarily be proportional for an adult #i like the expressiveness i like the Big Feelings. yanno #god this was a lot of rambling whoops. uh. idk why i said any of this you just hit the brain button i got a lotta Thoughts about them

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femmespoiled · 1 year

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As someone in the psych field and whos seen the darker less-discussed pitfalls of therapy- i wanted to ask you something abt your practice. What, as a shrink, do you plan to do to eliminate the power imbalance between therapist and client? Therapists have an extreme power over vulnerable people- those who have chronic trauma, poor boundaries, psychotic disorders and who’s reality is not so concrete and therefore they are easier to manipulate (and might not see the signs as easy as someone with a trained eye or a safe upbringing.) Its great to be trustworthy and have them put faith in you- but how do you plan to level the playing field and make sure the people you provide care to are not just placing their bleeding hearts in your hands and hoping you don’t crush it? What do you do so that a person knows you wouldn’t think of hurting them while at the same time giving them the material means to make sure you cant at all? Nobody can do this perfectly of course, but what steps have you taken in that direction, if any at all?

This is a great question and a question that I don't think is asked often enough. Healthcare professionals in general have a lot of power over their clients. It's not asked enough specially because some approaches sort of rely on that, such as psychoanalysis, from everything I've learned of it at uni, there's a huge emphasis on the power imbalance and why it should be maintained. That was never an approach that I identified with, though I have a lot of colleagues that follow it.

Regardless of the many possibilities of fault for my approach, as with any other approach, I do believe if used correctly that's an advantage of CBT, because, with the way I was trained at the very least, it is highly collaborative, with emphasis on feedback and trust. I want to be told if I got something wrong, if I misunderstood, I want to be told if I suggested something that didn't work, I want to be corrected if I made a mistake, so I can course correct, and for a lot of clients that takes some habit building and work on skills to be able to do that, but it is part of the therapeutic process. And being able to do that correctly as a professional requires a lot of introspection, experience and sometimes supervision.

With my approach, my goal is to move the directing of therapy from me to my client, knowing that we both have responsibility with the process, but that I'm here to empower them and help them manage situations in a way that they won't need me forever. It is silly of a therapist to need to be needed that way.

As a professional I have no intention to act like I am the person that has all the answers or will give you the answers, because that's not how I see this process, I'm only here to help in the process. Not only that, but I work on my biases and my own issues with my therapist, that I've been seeing for years now, which is something mental health professionals have to be extremely conscious of, what are you letting of yourself bleed onto your client's session?

I'll say it, I think every mental health professional should keep up with their own therapy because if you're not, you can get in your own way and in the way of your clients.

Another point is recognizing my limits and points that affect my core and my own insecurities. Countertransference can be worked on, but when I notice my biases, I'm not afraid of referring a client to a professional that better suits them. I think it is a huge mistake to make (providing) therapy a pride and ego thing and too many professionals still make that mistake.

As a therapist, it is essential to work on myself to be conscious of these things, it's essential not to become too confident and complacent, not only because it is unethical but it'd be sabotaging my work and my clients. I always have more to learn and I learn a lot with my clients. I'm not somebody that's never going to make mistakes, I'm not this all knowing, all powerful being.

I don't have universal knowledge and skills. Which is another reason why I don't take every case.

Being a therapist is constant work on yourself as a person and as a professional to be aware of what ways you can fuck up and try to avoid it as best as you can.

As a somewhat tangential point, I think we need to work as a society on the systemic power we give healthcare professionals in general. I was just thinking about the absurdity of mental health providers having the power to basically qualify someone as trans enough or not for certain procedures they might need. It comes down to the pathologising of individuals and empowering of systems. And I'd talk a lot more about this but it's getting late.

#ask #psych project #bella rambles about psychology

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 9 months

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i think yaz&ryan and ryan&graham shouldve had episodes like the black spot or the girl who waited that centered their relationship and made them count on each other to save them, where like the doctor gets out from between them whether thats received well (black spot) or not so much (girl who waited)

i mean i can imagine graham might have some thoughts and feelings about the way the doctor - the other ostensible adult in the room - handles ryan and yazs - the kids' - safety. hes responsible for ryan and i can imagine he probably extends that feeling to yaz as like an honourary second grandkid

i would pay to see graham confront the doctor à la rory "you make people a danger to themselves" and "this isnt fair. youre turning me into you" (smth smth im one of the few who wont turn myself into you so you force me to idk not the point) not about the same subject of course but something like,,, well like you cant keep them safe

i think a lot abt like how graham literally doesnt have the skills or knowledge to keep ryan and yaz safe in alien environments so he has to count on the doctor for that. he cant do a whole lot of his own risk assessment in situations hes never been in before so he has to trust the doctor's are right. and from s12 onward it becomes clearer that sometimes shes Irrational As Fuck and when it's sometimes then it might be all the times and you have no way to gauge that and no way to mitigate it like shes going a little bit insane in front of your eyes and you still have to trust shes thinking clearly enough that she can keep the kids safe youre responsible for. like at what point do you just stop risking it and take them home?

in canon obvs graham never stops risking it but i think it would be really interesting if there was an episode where it's a bit too close and he confronts the doctor about that. about the fact that like, if youre denying everything you might be feeling then youre not gonna account for how those feelings might be affecting your decisions or perceptions. and then the doctor will freak out about being Abandoned and cover that up too so shes gonna say smth stupid and fucked up and diagonal like i just wanna see it. i just think it would be neat

and i want to see how like yaz&ryans friendship and ryan&grahams relationship would develop/change under stress and out of earshot/perspective of the doctor. like we get a lot of that - ryan and yaz on the veranda in australia or that time in tsuranga or the end of can you hear me - but i think it would be soooo cool to have like at least one episode just dedicated to each of those relationships. an episode where the doctor is,,,not an antagonist really but like, where we get to see their perspective, their situation, their relationship as its own thing that the doctor is not a part of

#i love ryan and yazs friendship but theres so little of it #i mean just add this to other things i'd change like ryans youtube channel or like #you could show yaz texting with him during flux #i wanna see the fam during s12 discuss What To Do About The Doctor #have them disagree maybe #you know?#also thinking it through i think it's less that amy and rory have Some Episodes and more that their relationship is just lik #through all of it hfkjhgjkgh #i mean its just the two of them #and the docotr #so it should be abt them but like. it is fhgkjghj

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hikeyzz · 6 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/hikeyzz/732190196144226304

can u explain a little more abt what u meant in the tags of this? i am still newish to kink and wanna do it in as healthy a way as i can

I am not an authority on kink and will not be speaking as such. I am still learning a lot myself. You should be consuming a variety of media on kink to learn more and determine what healthy practices look like for you. But I will explain my comment about harm vs hurt which I think is what this is about.

I was thinking specifically in terms of kinks that do cause pain/discomfort to at least one participant, things like impact play, biting, breath play, and more can all cause pain and hurt. Harm can go in many ways, though. But generally harm is accepted as things that cause damage, physical or emotional. In the context of kink we can imagine hurt and harm as two ends of the continuum. Because something like spanking with a bare hand may hurt, but spanking with a hard implement could break bones and damage nerves which would be harm. I cannot define for anyone where they draw their personal line between hurt and harm in their play. But since they are on a continuum, it is reasonable to believe hurt can slip into harm, with or without intention to cause damage.

This is most applicable with higher risk kinks like edge play, psychological sadism, breath play, and others that do risk semi-permanent or permanent damage to the receiver. I see posts all the time about carving your name into your partner's skin and for some it's just a fantasy, for others it is something they are interested in playing out in real life or have and enjoyed it enough to do it again. That is something that causes physical damage and potentially permanent damage, but is within the realm of what the receiver tolerates and enjoys. There are several levels to harm and I think it is something people have to explore for themselves and develop a deep sense of self-awareness around.

For example, I enjoy being made to feel as though my value as a person is tied to my ability to be sexual (sexual objectification). However, I draw the line at my partner trying to make me believe that's true. I want to feel like it could be true, but not believe that it is. That's hard to navigate at times so I am constantly evaluating the levels of hurt and harm I am asking my partner to inflict, or what they are asking to inflict on me. Down to the words they use, I think through how they make me feel and what I believe when I am with them. Do they make me feel like a sex object? Or do I believe they only see me as a sex object? Again, it's deeply personal and requires an ability to articulate your feelings and beliefs in great detail. But that is how I responsibly navigate my relationship to hurt versus harm, with the line I draw being that changing my beliefs causes damage to my psyche and harms me. But influencing my feelings only hurts me, and is something I enjoy playing with.

I have conducted these check-ins with myself and found that I have allowed (or not noticed) when play has slipped from hurt to harm. Sometimes it can be corrected through dialogue and additional safety practices, other times like when it has intentionally been driven from hurt to harm, I need to walk away and tend to myself. I come up with boundaries that can help me prevent slippage like that from happening again, using what I can learn from others and my personal reflections (in therapy and out - yes I talk to my therapist about kink and you should too).

I hope this helps clarify what I meant and you continue to question and explore kink safely and without rush. I promise you will have much better experiences if you go forward slowly and methodically. Even doing so will piss off the bad-actors who want you to feel like they're your only or best choice. Nothing pisses off abusive people like someone that is intentional and questions everything. The right people will appreciate and understand your caution, trust me. Best of luck.

ETA: I welcome discussion in the replies and feel free to offer (respectfully) different perspectives that may help anon or myself learn further 💗

#asks #hikey #kink philosophy

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