Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Post activity is at the highest at 4:00 pm EDT; notes peak at 10:00 pm EDT.
#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.
whomturgled
·
11 months
Text
yrkeby4ur8
#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and
#ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that
#already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!
#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.
#like. i exist! i guess? idk.
#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.
#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.
#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak
#which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.
#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.
#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.
#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just
#would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse
#also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and
#trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.
#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.
#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like
#withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health
#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.
#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?
#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.
#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know
#that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc
#at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????
#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff
#there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned
#im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say
#in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
pochaulloac
JUGUETEANDO
twistedbudz
Twisted Budz
translations2
translations
lanatural-books
Book Blog
zedmaster
Zedmastermind