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bachissidehoe · 8 months

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look at the mess you made - itoshi s.

chapter 3 of 7 of the blue lock band series. chapter 1. chapter 2. chapter 4. chapter 5. chapter 6. chapter 7.

synopsis: y/n struggles to leave some of the bands' post-concert parties without the help from one of the members, but surprisingly, drummer itoshi sae is the only one around to provide her an excuse. even though she knows sae the least out of the band members, she'll still let him walk her back to her room...

warnings: smut; penetration; riding; degradation; facial; scratching; fem reader; minors DNI

disclaimer: all songs referenced are credited to THE DEEP END

w.c. 3.2k

The life of Blue Lock’s professional journalist involves awkward hours consisting of interviewing the boys, watching and taking notes on their shows, frequently meeting with Reo and Bachira to proofread articles and social media posts, and setting up discussions with potential sponsors. And so far, it’s been fantastic. Their past 3 shows have completely sold out and she’s only been working with them for a month. But it can also be exhausting, so when she gets the opportunity to wind down, she takes it.

Tonight, however, is not one of those nights.

“Another, miss?”

“Let me buy it for you, gorgeous!”

“Come dance with me.”

The sounds of semi-important people connected to the band somehow. Rich people who sponsor them, engineers who worked the show, their families. It’s a frequent occurrence, these parties that take place after a show. It’s important that these events are good so they continue to get sponsorships, or at least that’s what Reo says. But anymore, it just seems like a festival of horny old rich dudes who ogle y/n like she’s an object for their use. She can’t even count the amount of excuses she’s had to come up with to avoid making a random guy mad that she won’t fuck him.

“Sorry, I have to-” She stops, realizing none of her usual excuses are here. Usually, nobody will question it if she has to “ask Isagi a question” or “go over something with Mikage”. But both of them, in fact most of the band, seems to have left already. She can feel her blood start to boil, knowing that more than likely, Isagi’s found another random girl to fuck. It shouldn’t still bother her, considering she still lets him rail her whenever he sees fit, but she’s a little tipsy so she can’t help it.

“What do you have to do sweetheart? Going somewhere?” An arm is suddenly wrapped around her shoulders, trapping her from going any further.

“Yeah, what’s wrong? Have another guy you’re supposed to meet up with?” Another man slurs. They’re clearly drunk, and it doesn’t help that maybe y/n herself had one too many drinks, making it harder for her to think on her feet.

She scans the bar, her eyes slightly blurred, looking for anyone she recognizes who might be able to help her out of this.

“Goodnight y/n~” A familiar voice calls to her, halfway out the door.

No, don’t leave.

“Chigiri.” She says. Not loud enough. “Chigiri.” She tries again, but he’s also pretty drunk and stumbling. He might not be able to help her either. “Hyoma!” She says.

“What’s it? Prrrretty girl~” He turns around, stumbling back through the door. “Who are youuu?” He turns his attention to the man holding onto her. “I don’t think she likes you, right y/n? She likes meeeee~” He giggles, hiccuping as he catches his balance on one of the bar tables next to them.

“Well she’s with me tonight Chigiri Hyoma, hope you don’t mind.” The man smirks. For the life of y/n, she can’t remember his name. Some sponsor, some business owner, something like that. She’d get a serious talking to from Reo if she pisses him off.

“Well I do~ mind.” He giggles again. “Y/n, when am I gonna get to fuck you? Like Isagi and such?”

Y/n nearly falls over, and not because she’s slightly drunk. Why would he say that in front of these guys? Clearly he’s lost it. This doesn’t help her at all, it actually might make it worse.

“Um, uh if you see the chance take it.” She rushes through her words, her eyes darting around again, looking for a way out.

“Y/n! With Chigiri Hyoma!”

“Oh no.” She mumbles, as another familiar voice enters the conversation- if this interaction can even be called a conversation.

“Aiku!” Chigiri throws his arm around him like they’re best friends. It’s not like they’re not friends, but definitely not the type to hang over each other the way they are now. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like Oliver is sober enough to help her either.

Oliver Aiku, the lead singer of Blue Lock’s opener, Ubers- also consisting of lead guitarist Aryu Jyubei, bassist Niko Ikki, and drummer Barou Shouei. As if the misfortune is following l/n y/n tonight, none of the other members of Ubers are around either. Just Oliver, the known fuckboy, who’s even more drunk than Chigiri.

“Y/n, are we all taking you upstairs or what?” Oliver jokes, nudging Chigiri and the other man who still hasn’t stopped touching her.

“That would be lovely.” The man grips y/n’s shoulder tighter, which honestly seems to sober her up quite a bit. That doesn’t sound lovely, it sounds awful.

“Alright, that’s enough. Y/n, help me take these guys back to their rooms.” A new voice, a deep, monotone, unbothered voice. A voice that doesn’t sound drunk at all.

“Sae!” She practically leaps for joy, meeting his striking teal eyes.

“Let’s go. You’re pretty sober now, I could use your help with these two.” He places his hand on her shoulder. “If you’ll excuse me.” He nearly growls, dusting the man’s hand off her like it’s a bug he’s grossed out by.

Y/n breathes a sigh of relief, finally stepping out of the unfamiliar man’s grasp.

“Have a good night sir, I have to help out with these two, thank you for coming!” She exclaims frantically, a nervous smile plastered across her face as she loops Chigiri’s hand over her shoulders.

“This mean we’re fuckin’?” Chigiri slurs through his words, his eyes droopy as he uses y/n’s shoulder for support.

“Why are you so fuckin’ heavy?” Sae groans, holding Oliver upright as they finally make their way out of the bar and begin the short walk across the street to the hotel. “Where’s Hyo’s room key?” Sae barks.

“Are we fuckin’ Sae too?” Chigiri giggles.

“You’re not fucking anything.” Sae sneers.

“Hah! Fuckin’ virgin!” Oliver cackles, nearly slipping out of Sae’s grasp, but Sae grips harder, practically digging his nails into him to prevent him from falling onto the hard pavement.

“Am not!” Chigiri argues. “Y/n told me when I see the chance, I should take it. Look see, she’s touchin’ me~ she wants me so bad hm~”

“Ah, found it.” Y/n pulls her hand out of Chigiri’s pocket, pulling out his hotel room card.

“Found Oliver’s too.” Sae holds it up, looking for the room number.

Luckily, they’re on the same floor, making it easy enough to locate their rooms and put the drunk idiots to bed. It’s always someone who overdoes it, and after the long stretch of shows the boys have had, they probably deserve it too.

Y/n sighs, leaning against the outside of Chigiri’s hotel room door and sliding down. She could fall asleep here, really. But she’ll take having to walk a drunk Chigiri home over having to fuck an ugly old guy any day of the week.

“You feeling okay, y/n?” She suddenly notices Sae standing in front of her, staring down at her pathetic looking figure. He sounds less than concerned, almost like he’s attempting to sound like he gives a fuck. It’s not necessarily working.

Sae is the one y/n could say she knows the least out of the Blue Lock band members. He’s rude, stand-offish, and never seems like he wants to be there. Though he enjoys being part of the band, his attitude tends to spark conflict with potential sponsors and collaborators, leading to quite a few conversations between him and Reo about acting nice for a change.

The drummer was a music prodigy as a child, having articles written about him, news stories done on him, and a number of fans even as an elementary school kid. He would frequently play shows as a guitarist with his younger brother Rin on bass, and it wasn’t until he went to study music at only 12 years old that he decided he’d become a drummer instead.

“I’m fine, just resting for a sec.” She answers, forcing herself to her feet.

Surprisingly, Sae grabs her arm, helping her stand.

“I’m not drunk anymore.” She chuckles, referring to his hand tightly gripping her forearm.

“I know.” He says. “Where’s your room?”

“Floor 10.” She answers. “I’ll be fine.”

“Sure, but I’ll walk you back there.”

Y/n stays silent, unsure of how to respond to a gesture like that. It seems reasonable enough, a guy wanting to walk a girl back to her room, especially after saving her from a potential harassment situation just an hour or so ago. But for Sae, it’s definitely a bit abnormal. He’s not usually one to take interest in protecting her, or anyone else for that matter.

“What?” He asks, clearly noticing y/n’s change in demeanor.

“Oh, nothing, I just didn’t expect you to wanna do that.” She says calmly as they begin their walk down the long hallway.

“Why not?”

“What is this, 20 questions? I dunno, you just don’t seem like the type.”

“And you don’t seem like the type to be fucking Isagi every chance you get but here we are.” He fires back, clearly not the sudden nice guy y/n thought he turned into.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” She tugs her arm away, indicating that not only can she walk by herself, she’s also slightly annoyed.

“You’re awfully attached to him, considering he couldn’t care less about you. That’s all.”

“Isa- Yoichi cares about me.” She argues.

“Sure, as a person, as a friend maybe. But not how you want him to.”

“Who are you to tell me how he feels? Or even how I feel?” She stutters, feeling the tears welling already. Maybe she’s not as sober as she thought.

Bachira said the same thing to her weeks ago now. And she still went back. She still hung onto the idea that maybe he was just using those girls to purposely make her jealous. She still convinced herself that Isagi Yoichi was- is- in love with her. And she still let him take from her whatever he wanted.

“I’m just observing.” He shrugs.

“Don’t you have to go find some girl to fuck? Like Isagi and Nagi and them almost every night?” She spits. It’s not a good comeback, but she can’t think of anything that’ll get under his skin. She’s too tired for an argument with Itoshi Sae.

Sae just chuckles.

He’s a complicated one, for sure. He definitely doesn’t bring girls around as much as the other band members, except for his brother Rin, who does so even less. But still, he does occasionally, and never discusses it. In fact, Sae doesn’t discuss much at all. He’s the one who wrote one of their first songs “Look at the Mess You Made”, and insists it stays on their setlist, but y/n has no idea what makes him so attached to that song out of all of them. She’d love to know more, if she wasn’t so pissed at him she’d want to ask him some questions, get inside the mind of Itoshi Sae.

“How drunk are you?” Sae asks, pressing the button on the elevator.

“I’m not drunk anymore.” She places a hand on her hip as if he was accusing her, stepping inside the elevator as the doors swing open.

“Good.” He says, following her and watching the doors begin to close, his teal eyes peering to the side. Suddenly, y/n feels uneasy under his gaze- or maybe something different- somewhat aroused?

She doesn’t have time to analyze it further. The split second the doors shut, Sae has her pinned against the wall, his lips feverishly slamming into hers. She can’t react, she can’t tell her body how to handle this situation. His lips are already on hers. And she finds herself letting her eyes flutter shut, meeting each sporadic movement of his soft, pink lips with her own, letting her body go limp under his rough touch. His tongue slips and slides against hers, and she lets him too, making room for him to explore the insides of her mouth.

She can only manage quick breaths, most of which turn to soft moans. He’s so harsh, so intense with his kiss, it’s nearly desperate. One of his hands remains pressed to the wall to hold her in, the other softly yet threateningly cups her cheek, the cold pads of his fingers pressing against her soft skin as if he’s holding back from breaking her neck.

Every movement Sae makes is soft and smooth, riddled with an aura of sexual experience y/n would never guess he had. It’s so calculated, the way his tongue moves against hers isn’t forceful, but isn’t submissive either. She wants more of him, she wants to know how he moves, where his hands will go next, what positions he’ll put her in. She finds her hands traveling to his hips, a single finger dipping under his shirt to feel the softness of his muscular skin-

Ding.

And the elevator opens, forcing the two apart, with Sae suddenly standing at the door of the elevator to lead her out.

They remain silent as well, y/n due to being completely stunned, and Sae due to pure smugness for pulling it off at all. He can read every emotion on her face, and most of them are horny.

“This, um, this is my room.” She says quietly, awkwardly. It’s not that she didn’t like it, she actually wants more. But it came out of nowhere, she doesn’t even know Sae’s intentions.

Sae stops, saying nothing as she unlocks the door.

But she keeps going back to Isagi, doesn’t she? Even after Bachira arguably fucked her better, even after knowing he doesn’t intend to fall for her, date her, or even view her as anything other than a little fuck toy whenever he wants it. Maybe knowing the intentions makes it worse. Maybe this situation is exactly-

“Alright, night.” Sae turns around as y/n walks through the door of her dark hotel room.

No, no. She shouldn’t. She doesn’t need any more of this. She doesn’t need to make this mess worse than it already is.

“Wait-” She stops him, her body’s needs overpowering her logical side.

“What’s that?” Sae turns around, a smug smirk plastered across his gorgeous face, his lips still plumped from kissing her just moments ago.

She doesn’t say more, she doesn’t need to, instead grabbing him by the hand and pulling him through the door.

Y/n feels like she blacks out for a while, kissing him like she’s been desperate for him for years, touching his body and giving him access to everything he wants of hers. By the time she comes back to her senses, his cock is stuffed deep in her soaked pussy, squelching noises echoing around the room as she bounces on him. It’s hard and fast, her hands pressed to his chest, his hands gripping her hips, guiding her up and down on his thick cock.

Her legs already burn, but it doesn’t matter. She’s determined to ride him all night if she has to. She never thought it would be Sae out of all of them, she never thought she’d stare down at him, his eyes snapped shut and his auburn hair messily sticking to his forehead, short moans leaving his lips as she fucks herself on his cock.

He’s so quiet, restricting himself to heavy breaths instead of speaking aloud. He doesn’t need to speak or tell her to go harder or compliment her- the way his body moves is enough to motivate her. How his cock twitches inside her as her walls hug him, how his chest rises and falls every time her hips crash down on him, how his hands squeeze tightly at her hips as if he wants to poke through to the other side.

“S’good Sae.” Y/n restricts her vocals as well, but her shaking body hurdles closer to her orgasm with every movement. She leans forward on him, her lips nearly touching his as she bounces her ass on him, grinding into his cock so it hits the right spot to bring her closer. Her breath tickles his lips, his tongue, his nose- he loses himself for a moment, kissing her weakly, licking the drool off her lips. “So close~” She whines, pressing her clit into him, creating the last bit of friction she needs to drive her over the edge.

“F-fuck~” Sae curses, his muscles tightening as he feels her pussy squeeze him in through her orgasm, his cock feeling every sensation of her wetness surrounding him like he’s drowning in it. Maybe he wishes he was.

Y/n shakes, her body already burnt out from fucking him so hard, and she collapses on top of him, her muscles completely giving out.

“Not done.” Sae groans, wrapping his arms around her limp body and swiftly flipping her on her back, her tits bouncing beautifully as she looks up at him, dazed and sensitive.

He plunges back into her, feeling her warmth surround him once again, fitting snugly inside. In just a short second, Sae goes from being ridden like a dildo to fucking y/n like she’s the toy, rutting into her with a strength and speed that can only be described as godly, a beautiful destruction.

Suddenly, Sae’s the only one who’s silent, with y/n completely unable to control the whimpers and curses that escape her into his awaiting ears, just motivating him to fuck her harder. She pushes at his chest, her weak hands pressing his skin and running through his hair, desperately clawing at him like she can’t decide if she wants him to stop or go harder.

She sings his name like she’s praying to him, her rhythm matching with his deep thrusts, his experienced hands gripping at her tits. The overstimulation becomes too much, embarrassingly much, as she unexpectedly cums again, fluids rushing to coat the base of his cock and inner thighs as he drives it into her like a sword.

“S’ry, Sae~ ah~” She can’t prevent the tears from streaming down her face as he leaves no part of her pussy unfucked.

“You look pathetic.” Sae grunts, placing a hand on her wet cheek almost like he’s threatening to slap her.

“Fuck~” She throws her head back.

“Ah, look at me.” Sae demands, forcing her gaze back to his striking teal eyes. Those eyes, they look so emotionless, which somehow makes it hotter. He doesn’t care if she lives or dies, and that’s all she could expect out of Itoshi Sae. “Gonna cum all over that pretty body.” He grunts.

It’s the first compliment he’s given her, catching her off guard enough to prevent her brain from processing his words. With a few more rough thrusts, he pulls out, stroking and squeezing at his cock as he holds it over her, finally spraying his thick load all over her. White ropes spurt from his twitching tip, coating her face, her hair, her tits. She’s covered in him.

Her breathing is heavy as she lays helpless under him, drenched in his sticky cum, her pussy throbbing yet still pulsing for more.

Sae snickers. “Hm, look at the mess you made.” He says, pressing his pink tip against her entrance once again.

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heich0e · 2 years

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a gentle tap against the metal of the trailer door has you turning towards the unimposing sound.

"oh!" you say, setting down the brush you'd been cleaning as you spot a familiar figure in the doorway. "good morning."

touya dips his head in a little nod of greeting. his voice is sleepy and thick as he rasps out his own little g'mornin back.

he looks around the empty trailer, three seats and stations open in front of him. you follow his gaze as it travels across each available chair, and then back to you.

"where do you want me?"

you tap the back of the seat closest to you. "here's good!"

touya shuffles in, dropping himself into the seat. he's got a coffee in his hand, and you can smell the warm, rich scent wafting up each time he tilts the to-go cup back to take a sip. it's not from a nice cafe like you might expect but rather a simple cup emblazoned with the logo of a convenience store, and even though you're not the one drinking it, you swear you taste the familiar, slightly burnt bitterness of cheap coffee on your tongue.

"just you and i again this morning?" touya asks through a little yawn as you line up some skincare and shaving products at your station in front of him.

"you take the longest, after all," you laugh lightly, glancing at him in the reflection of the mirror. his disarmingly bright eyes meet yours, still slightly lidded with fatigue, and you quickly look away once more.

"i'm the problem child," he sighs jokingly, slumping down into his seat. he's still got his puffer coat on--it's barely 5AM, and it's chilly outside since the sun hasn't yet risen over the production lot--and you swallow down a laugh as the collar of his coat bunches up around his cheeks, like a down-filled ruff.

touya's special effects makeup takes a minimum of four hours to apply--and that's in its most minimal form. if he needs his chest and arms exposed in a scene, it can take upwards of 8 hours to get him ready for set. it means his call times are almost always earlier than his cast mates, and as you're the lead sfx artist on this season's production, it means the two of you often find yourselves alone for the first few hours of the day as you begin the process of turning touya into dabi.

the first step in the undertaking is shaving.

touya doesn't have a particularly notable amount of body or facial hair, but the adhesive that affixes his character's prosthetic scars and staples to his skin requires as smooth of a canvas as possible for best performance, so every morning you carefully shave the smooth planes of his cheeks, jaw, and throat (occasionally down to his chest and arms.)

it's a surprisingly intimate, harrowing ordeal, dragging the sharp straight razor across his skin. you pay careful attention not to nick him, knowing it will just make your job harder down the line if you have to treat a wound. you often find yourself holding your breath as you pull the blade softly along his jaw, your eyes watching your every movement raptly.

"don't sweeney todd me," touya murmurs as you hold his chin in your hand. his eyes had been closed as you worked, but they flutter open to peek up at you as his words hang in the air between you.

you chuckle breathily, redistributing the froth of the shaving cream along one side of his chin with your thumb. his skin is warm and smooth under the slip of the foam. "stop talking, and I won't have a reason to."

next is a simple cleanse to clean off any lingering shaving cream or hair, and to prepare his skin for the skincare you'll press into it to protect it from any negative effects as a result of all the makeup that will follow. you have a hairband that you keep on hand just for touya—half because it's effective, and half because you think he looks sort of cute with his fluffy white hair pushed back from his face like that. it has two little cat ears on either side of the band, and he'd actually giggled the first time he'd seen it, much to your surprise.

(you keep two spares tucked away into the back of your kit, in exactly the same design, just in case anything ever happened to this one.)

then finally, after his skin is sufficiently prepped—soft and dewy with moisturizer that rapidly sinks into his pores—the real work begins.

you keep reference photos on hand—touya's face and body, in full makeup, from every possible angle—affixed to the mirror and spread across the station countertop to make sure you're recreating his character's appearance in exact detail. it's an arduous, painstaking process, that requires a professionally trained eye and meticulous attention to detail. by the end of the application, your hands sometimes ache—your knuckles tender to the touch—and sometimes you need assistants to come in and help put on finishing touches if you're short on time and rushing to get him to set. but you take your job very seriously, and refuse to let him leave your chair anything short of perfect.

"how's it feeling?" you ask, applying a bit of shading onto the prosthetic attached to his neck—raised, textured skin to imitate a burn that you're hand-painting to look more realistic. the familiar smell of liquid latex and alcohol hangs in the air, slowly overtaking the residual smell of the skincare you'd used on his skin.

"awful," touya gripes, though you expect nothing less.

"so, same as always?"

"same as always," he agrees with a little laugh.

you glance at the smartwatch on your wrist, backing away from touya’s personal space and setting your makeup brush down atop your station. “it’s almost eight. a PA should show up with your breakfast soon before I start on your face.”

“wow, is it that late already?” he asks, surprised, sitting up slightly in his seat.

“sick of me yet?” you tease him, wiping some of the reddish purple pigment from the tips of your fingers onto your smock.

he smiles as much as the prosthetic affixed to his neck and chin will allow as the glue sets, and shakes his head.

“nah.”

touya’s breakfast on set is always the same: another cup of coffee (black), a little cup of fruit salad (he eats around the green grapes and yet never asks for the caterer to leave them out), a granola bar which he tucks into his pocket to snack on later even though it will definitely mess up his makeup, and a breakfast sandwich.

“how come you don’t eat the grapes?” you finally ask the question that's been plaguing your mind for the past few weeks, watching as he sets the little plastic cup aside with 8 green grapes still sitting in the bottom.

he chews the piece of strawberry he still has in his mouth, swallows, then speaks.

“they’re gross.”

“they are not,”—you roll your eyes—“they’re delicious.”

touya’s nose crinkles. “they’re squishy and sour and taste like wet raisins.”

“they are wet raisins,” you remind him pointedly.

touya shoots you a look as if to say exactly.

“oh, let me guess, you also hate tomatoes?” you go on to ask.

he gags dramatically.

“don’t!” you chide him, seeing the way some of the staples lift along his jaw. you surge forward and grab his chin in your hand to still him, tilting his face so you can survey the damage. you click your tongue and dab a bit more adhesive onto the little metal bits and press them into his skin. his eyes watch your face while you work.

“I never took you for a picky eater,” you remark softly as you hold the pressure steady against his cheek.

“don’t you have any foods you don’t like?” he asks you, equally quiet, while you wait for the adhesive to take.

you hum curiously. “not really.”

his turquoise eyes widen. “nothing?”

“i mean,”—you lift your fingers off his face and watch to make sure the staples stay in place—“i don’t really love those really weird, funky cheeses. you know, the ones that look fuzzy?”

touya shudders—evidently he does know, and he agrees.

you glance at your watch again. 8:20. it’s time to get back to work.

“down your coffee, we’ve gotta start on your face.”

touya sighs, but doesn't complain, reaching for his half-drained drink obediently.

the face is inarguably the toughest part of touya’s makeup. the camera will be focused there most closely, meaning it’s the most important part to get right. the staples need to be in the exact right place. the adhesive must be applied liberally enough to keep everything in place, but not so thick as to limit touya’s ability to emote.

there’s music playing in the makeup trailer, but its kept relatively low—your own playlist that you have free reign to control until other artists and talent show up to begin their days, and the noise in the space grows too loud for any music to be heard over it anyway. it’s a mix of old favourites and songs you’ve found recently that you’ve been enjoying. touya never complains about the unusual mismatch, hums along softly to the ones that he does recognize, and and you’ve even caught him shazam-ing a song or two a couple of times in your mornings together, which fills you with an unusual feeling of pride.

you’re quiet as you work, completely immersed in the task, and the only sound in the makeup trailer is the playlist in the background, you and touya's alternating breaths, and the sound of your tools as you pick them up and set them down on your station.

“do you want them?” touya asks you softly, shattering the silence as you hold the fake scar tissue under his left eye, waiting for the glue to set enough to take the pressure of your fingertips away.

you tilt your head to the side as you lean over him, painfully close to his face.

“huh?”

“the grapes,” he says quietly. “do you want them?”

your breath catches a little in your throat as you watch his eyes flicker unmistakably down to your lips.

your chest feels tight, and you will your fingertips not to tremble.

“maybe later,” you murmur.

“later?” he echoes. but it almost feels like he’s asking about something else entirely.

you hum, not sure you'd be able to form any words even if you tried.

another makeup artist shows up moments later, the metal trailer door creaking open as they enter. she greets the two of you and claims the station at the far end of the trailer, and it's like the bubble of intimacy enveloping the two of you up until that point has been punctured and popped.

you’re a little grateful for the interruption, you can’t help but think.

touya's impossibly soft question of later? echoes in your mind for the rest of the morning.

#touya x reader #touya x you #dabi x reader #dabi x you #touya todoroki #dabi #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki x you #bnha drabble #bnha writing #writing #actor au!touya

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firefly--bright · 1 year

Text

jean kirstein modern headcanons!!!

warnings : none! gender neutral pronouns used, if any.

a/n: HI HELLO I'm so so SO sorry for the late fics. my finals ended like a month ago and oh my god I've just been Going Places™ like my schedule is jam packed with meeting up with people i haven't seen in three months because of the exams :/ I'm working on the requests!!! i promise, i read them and i am working on them. but!!! here are some headacanons to.... make up for the lack of content :3

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody , @holding-ishu-and-a-book

✿ masterlist is in linked in pinned post! ✿ enter my taglist ✿

• he doesnt have a big sweet tooth but he LOVES chocolate like can't live without it. if you're also a chocolate person, he'll buy your fav ones for you and lowkey judges you for it ("why would you like this one???? the one i like is wayyy better you should get those")

• he's most definitely a friend's to lovers type guy. he never really thought he would be, though. he's a hopeless romantic and falls in love with anyone and everyone BUT he's also, as mentioned before, more hopeless than romantic. he'll yearn for the person from a distance, so he doesn't really think that he would go and fall in love with his best friend, of all people. you fall first he falls harder type beat yk?

• he's kind of gives off this confident, cocky and kind of intimidating vibe about him. when you first met him you just knew he thought a little too highly of himself. but after getting to know him, he's super vulnerable and soft and actually tries to be close to you. his intimidating Mr. i-fold-my-arms-over-my-chest-to-show-off-my-biceps persona is just a front, like he thinks being that coccky guy will make people think he's like mysterious or something and want to be his friend/partner

• i have a bi jean agenda actually

• thinks VERY highly of you. asks for your advice on everything even if you might not be good at giving it, hed want to know what you, specifically, think

• he's an architecture major :D i know alot of people have diff headcanons of him doing pol-sci/law (which are all valid tbh i agree with those hcs) but!!! i think he chose architecture because he has the right amount of passion for it. it's the closest thing to art he can have. he loves art but he's also aware that it doesn't...pay well, neither does he want to loose his passion for art. hes heard one too many stories of people choosing art and regretting it because their passion for art is no longer just a passion. Jean's scared he'd lose his love for it.

• isn't really used to physical touch, and if you're a touchy feely person, he's a little surprised when you hold him for the first time. he quickly grows into loving your touch tho and initiates cuddles :)

• hes kinda super smart. like he scores really well in class and always has. not only that, but he's gifted athletically as well

• he's more of a listener than a talker, i think. hed initiate conversation, ask you about you day and let you take away the conversation. doesn't really mind if it's "all about you", but if you ask him about anything, he'd gladly talk.

• hes actually SO shy when it comes to actually doing relationshippy things. the first time you held hands as a couple and not just friends, he had a nervous breakdown. he couldn't even look you in the eyes when he asked you out on a date, even if it was just a casual movie night at home

• he's very organized, surprisingly. he's not a clean freak but he just likes knowing where things are. rarely rearranges anything because it not only frustrates the hell out of him, he'd also have to get used to the new arrangements.

• he has a fixed skincare routine!!! he had acne as a teenager so he started taking skincare more seriously. knows a lot about different products, and if you don't have a fixed skincare routine, he'd tell you to have one. if you have super sensetive skin (like me) and can't handle anytjing other than basic face wash, he'd remind you to wash your face every night.

• he also is protective of his hair!!! he used to have dyed hair, but it didn't go well. he TRIED to bleach his hair but failed and half of his hair came out :')) he never dyes his hair anymore but he does freshen up his mullet every now and then. doesn't let anyone but his mom and you touch his hair.

• asks you if you can help him with oiling his hair because he saw one of those tiktoks saying they work really well. if you're anything like me and are used to oiling your hair every week, you'd massage his hair and his eyes close and his entire body relaxes the moment your hands weave through his hair <3

• LOVES showing you off. either in little ways (by swinging your hands together while walking) or by literally making his entire Instagram page about you. all of his six posts (he rarely posts, but whenever he does it's all about you) have you in them. the cheesiest captions, too. if that wasn't enough, he'd have (y/n)'s with your fav colour heart emoji next to your name in his bio to let literally everyone know who he's with.

• he actually loves to cook!!!! as said before, he'd very organized, so i feel like he'd also be into meal prepping. he watched those aesthetically pleasing videos of people rearranging their fridges with ungodly amounts of plastic cabinets. his own fridge is sort of a mess becahse he doesn't know what goes where :') but he does meal prep, and sometimes even packs you lunches with lil notes

• speaking of notes, he's not really good at talking about his love for you. like he'd show it in so many ways but he can't say it out loud. not only does he get uncharacteristically shy, he's always had issues with saying the words "i love you" out loud, so he either writes about it or draws you <3 you'd find random notes and letters written to you, sometimes with just. a cheesy joke, sometimes he actually Tries and writes a whole letter for you pouring out all the things he can't say out loud.

• the start of your friendship, you two bicker alot. it's clear you care about each other, but he loves teasing you because he knows you'll shoot back.

• he wears really thin eyeliner on special occasions <3 he doesn't like bold looks, but he does like how subtly the eyeliner makes his eyes look different. if yiure good at makeup, he'd ask you to help him.

• has a plethora of diff hats tbh like he collects them like an addiction. he has a fedora and beanies and bucket hats and normal embroidered hats. he has so many it's concerning

• he's very good at driving. when the two of you started getting closer, he'd ask you on long late night drives, either for take-out or just to listen to music and talk. he enjoys your company while driving. if you usually have motion sickness in cars, you will never feel nauseous in his car. he drives very smoothly, not too fast and not too slow. he's kind of a perfectionist (not extremely) and literally screams at Connie to slow down when he goes even a little over the speed limit. he drives the whole time in every road trip.

• his fav dessert is cheesecake. his unpopular opinion is that they're the perfect ratio of sweet and savoury, crunchy and soft.

• hes one of those people to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. on the couch, at the table, no matter how loud it is or how bright it is. he's a light sleeper and also a snorer. if you're cuddling together, he'd either lay on top of you or wraps not one but both of his arms around you. one under your neck to provide a nice neck cushion, and one draped over your stomach.

• he runs warm, which is both a blessing and a cruse. in summers, even if he'd want to cuddle with you, you feel the need to get as far away as him because he's just so warm. you'd wake up in your own sweat if you do decide to take the risk and let him cuddle you. in winters though, his warmth is very welcome.

• loves it when you hug his arm while walking. if you're tired and kind of lean into him, expect him to eat that shit UP because he loves your warmth as much as you love his. loves it when you lean into him or hug his bicep. even flexes his muscles for effect (you definitely tease him for that)

• is not a fan of thunderstorms, he kind of has bad memories. either from being left out while the ither kids play in the rain, either from the rumbling and the scary sound that comes with thunders that resembles the sound of his angry father or its just how inconvenient it is.

• his dad wasn't really in his life that much, always away on business. every time he would come home, he'd srot of criticize jean's hobbies :( his mom eventually seperated from Jean's father and started her own bakery, hence Jean's love for chocolates.

• he panics very hard when you feel sick. he jumps right into his mama bird genes and makes you a soup from either his mother's recipie or he'd call your mother and ask her for her own sick day recipies. he'd feed it to you and refuse to leave you alone until you've had your meds.

• he loves kissing your forearm for some reason. you loop your hands around his neck after kissing him, so it's the closest to his mouth. he turns his head slightly, closing his eyes as he pecks your forearm :3 it's kinda a weird spot to like kissing, but it's really endearing when it comes from him.

• he has a couple small tattoos here and there. two of the five he has have actual meaning whereas the other three are just for fun

• he wants whatever you want. if you want children in the future, he'd be there with you. if you want nothing but a large house and a couple pets, he'd love to make your dream come true. he's passionate and extremely good at what he does, and he takes pride in it.

✿

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x you #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan

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howtofightwrite · 11 months

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in a lot of zombie stories like The Walking Dead, the only way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain. Given that the skull is designed to protect one of our most important organs, how hard would this be on average? Would it be easier with bladed weapons like a hatchet vs blunt weapons like a baseball bat? And while killing anything is easier with a gun, I’ve heard headshots can be quite hard to nail. Is this something that can get better with practice, or will it always be something of a crapshoot?

Honestly? Thinking about it, destroying the brain to put down the zombie doesn't make that much sense. The first problem is the brain itself. The skull is pretty good at protecting the brain most of the time, but that's more impressive when you consider just how fragile the brain is. It's very soft tissue, suspended in fluid. It's also one of the first organs to really suffer from decomposition.

Particularly, the brain is the organ you have to really worry about when someone flatlines. It will start suffering serious damage within 30 seconds of being deprived of oxygen. Within minutes of death, it undergoes irreversible chemical changes and starts to break down, so, it follows that, the brain isn't going to be in a usable state by the time the zombie virus tries to claw its way back to the living.

This is a different kind of problem with living “zombies,” such as the 28 Days series or REC. Though, in those cases, the zombies would have a very limited shelf life, as the strain of the virus would kill them long before the second film rolled around. But, in those cases, massive trauma should still kill the zombie, so you don't really need headshots, when a shotgun, center mass, will get the job done.

For clarity, you know there's no way to answer that comment about headshots without sounding like a psychopath, right? The short answer is that, yeah, if you' know what you're doing, and you know your gun, you can hit a small, semi-mobile target at medium range. A sapient being? That's harder, people don't tend to present their head for a convenient bullet, like a video game shooting gallery, but, with practice, you can reliably hit a head sized target at about 30m. Landing that shot against a live person running for cover or shooting back might be a bit tricky, but against a shambling, reanimated, corpse, it should be pretty doable. Obviously, I don't have a lot of first hand experience shooting reanimated corpses, so I'm having to make some educated guesses here.

However, having just said that, I'm immediately reminded of something the Resident Evil 2 remake pointed out: Shooting someone in the head doesn't mean you destroyed their brain. Surprisingly, shooting someone in the head will only kill them about 98% of the time, so I can see some logic in the thought process.

That said, shooting zombies tends to run up against a problem, that doesn't make a lot of sense when you step back and think about it. Generally you don't want to shoot zombies because the sound will attract more zombies, and there are inevitably more zombies than you have bullets. This the exact scenario that The Walking Dead works with. So, I have one small question: How did we get here?

Before we go any further, and spoilers for a comic book that published 15 years ago, but The Walking Dead did answer that. (The TV series and comic have different answers. In the TV series it's a virus from space that reanimates corpses, in the comic book it was a presumably supernatural force reanimating the dead. Though, it might have become a space virus now. I stopped reading the comic when it just got too goddamn depressing.)

When you're looking at a city like Atlanta (from The Walking Dead), and you're facing something north of six million zombies, yeah, that's a serious problem. You can't headshot six million zombies. But how did you get six million zombies? Six million zombies is a problem that can't be solved with brute force. Six-hundred-thousand zombies is a problem that can't be solved with brute force. But, sixty-thousand zombies? That can be contained. Six thousand zombies is an orderly riot. Six hundred zombies can be locked in a building and disposed of. Sixty zombies can be easily contained and neutralized. Six zombies? You can send out animal control and nip that problem in bud before there's an outbreak. And without higher brain function, there's basically no chance of patient zero avoiding detection.

But, I know the answer to this one, “well, they sent cops to catch patient zero, and the cops got bitten, then they turned in the hospital, and...” this would be a lot more plausible if rabies didn't exist. Actually, with the reputation of American police, there's basically no chance a zombie gets within biting distance. But, even if they did get closer, you know what else likes to bite cops? Meth heads. You know who has more higher brain function than a zombie? Meth heads.

Is there zero chance of a first responder getting bitten by a zombie? No, there's a chance. There's basically zero chance of that zombie biting anyone else, and on the slim possibility that the infected first responder turns and manages to chomp on one of their coworkers, there is no chance that the infection daisy chains out from there.

There's also a real likelihood that any growing outbreak will suffer, “a negative biomass shift,” as it tries to expand. That is to say, if someone sends twenty soldiers to contain 100 zombies, and those soldiers are overrun and infected, you're not going to have 120 zombies. You probably won't have 100 zombies, after they're infected and turned. So long as those soldiers drop more than two zombies, the horde will experience negative population growth. Incidentally, it doesn't matter if this is a modern or medical fantasy setting, in either case, the zombies aren't going to be able to put up much of a fight against armed and armored troops. Militaries train to fight against sapient foes, while zombies are going to be little more than training dummies. Even if they are eventually overwhelmed by the hoard, the hoard only gets a few corpses to replace all the zombies it lost. (Note: This doesn't apply if you have necromancers raising undead forces, in those cases, the actual loss of zombies will be minimal, as they reanimate zombies that were damaged enough to break their previous reanimation, but could still be used on the battlefield, so in this specific case, the goal would need to be more egregious destruction of the corpses.)

So how did we get to six million zombies? Any zombie outbreak will be at its most vulnerable when there are only a handful of infected. This even applies, to some extent, when you're looking at non-traditional zombie scenarios, such as fungal infections. Zombies are generally not very stealthy. (Ignoring The Walking Dead (TV)'s ninja zombies for the moment.) So, if you have a biohazard situation like that, unless there's a very long incubation period (which most zombies don't exhibit), then the danger of them going undetected and reaching critical mass is pretty limited.

Also, once you start looking at urban environments, that's not a great space for zombies to navigate. Things like storm drains and security barriers can effectively stop zombie advancement through an urban environment. Sure, zombies might be a threat to massive glass windows on the ground floor, but how are they going to operate the elevators, or the keycard reader to get into the stairs? Much less climb multiple flights of stairs to find the survivors? They might be able to chase them up the stairs, but getting there under their own initiative? Not so much. Same problem with any structure that puts steel bars on the windows. Zombies can't get in, or out.

After that, there's still the problem of decomposition. Dead bodies don't typically hold up particularly well. Maybe there's an embalmed zombie out there somewhere, shambling around, years after the outbreak, but most of the corpses will, quite literally, fall apart in a couple weeks. (Probably less, if they're chasing after survivors and slamming into walls.)

Having said all of that, I don't hate zombie fiction. Zombies can be a fantastic metaphor. You can even come up with compelling and interesting zombie scenarios. I know I just said it was implausible, but I don't hate The Last of Us's scenario, even if I do have some issues with some of the writing (specifically in the last few levels of the first game, before anyone asks.)

So, would it be hard to kill a zombie? Usually no. You might have some exceptions, such as magically reanimated corpses that really don't need to be intact to continue trying to kill you. Dead Space's necromorphs come to mind as an excellent example of creative zombie assembly.

The issue is usually the volume of zombies, just the sheer number threatening to pour out onto the street at any moment. Which requires that things went exceptionally wrong in ways that don't really make a lot of sense when you step back and think about it.

The issue wasn't shooting one zombie in the head, it was the next ten, and the next hundred, and the next thousand. Because, in those numbers, it doesn't really matter if they're easy to kill, there will always be more.

-Starke

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#writing advice #writing reference #writing tips #how to fight write #starke answers #zombies

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maochira · 11 months

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Let me be crucified - on you! (Ryusei Shidou x reader)

Synopsis: Shidou has a crush on you and is VERY open about it. He flirts with you at any chance he gets but also ends up saying a few more or less unholy things.

Tags: gn!assistant!reader x Ryusei Shidou, suggestive flirting, 16+ I guess?, title is a line from Crucified by OOMPH! because it just screams Shidou energy to me

This is part of my Shidou birthday countdown event and also plays in my Neo Egoist League series!

Ryusei Shidou. He's an absolute menace in many aspects. Especially since he just loves to make your working hours even harder than they already are. Either he constantly asks you for help when he doesn't even need it, or he follows you as you complete your task. He's a bit like a little clingy dog. Except for the fact that dogs usually listen when you give them instructions, and Shidou doesn't.

For the past few days, you were busy doing tasks you were assigned to do around the other teams, which meant you got a bit of a break from Shidou. Today you're back to doing work around the PxG team, and of course, the first person who spots you entering the team's area is Shidou. He remembers the time when you usually arrive there, so he probably spent the last few days hopelessly waiting for you. But well, here you are now.

Surprisingly, he doesn't approach you like he usually does. He doesn't even say a stupid pickup line, and neither does he greet you. Instead, he looks at you with a cocky grin as you walk past him. You're genuinely surprised when he doesn't talk to you, but decide to not comment on it. After all, you have work to do and this might start a conversation with Shidou that will end up getting way longer than you'd like to.

Even though Shidou is annoying most of the time, you can't help but admit he's grown onto your heart at least a little bit. He started crushing on you just a few days after meeting you for the first time, but so far you haven't found yourself falling back for him. Shidou doesn't give up, though. He likes to tease you whenever he gets the chance and almost everything he says to you is in a flirty tone. As much as you hate to admit it, he definitely has a certain charm that just catches a part of you. No matter how annoying you think he is, nothing ever makes you feel as if you genuinely want him to shut up. But if he wants you to fall back for him, Shidou certainly has to try harder.

While you're busy with your work, every now and then you can spot Shidou near you or just walking by in the corner of your eye,. But for some reason, he still hasn't approached you. Well, maybe that's because his teammates are around most of the time and while you believe Shidou doesn't feel any shame, that might be a reason why he's currently holding back. Or maybe he's planning something new. Or did he lose his feelings out of nowhere because he didn't get to see you for three days? No no, that can't be the case. He still has this overconfident grin on his lips when he's near you. He's definitely trying to come up with something new.

The PxG players are in the middle of today's practice when Loki asks you to refill their almost empty water bottles. You were just standing there watching the team anyways, so you quickly left to do your given task. But just a few moments after entering the hallway, you can feel someone following you. Without looking back, you immediately know it's Shidou.

He doesn't talk yet, though. But when you're opening the first water bottle to refill it, Shidou quickly stops you by hugging you from the back. He rests his head on your shoulder and you can just sense the smirk on his face, even without seeing it.

"You're doing really good work, assistant-chan." Shidou says while pulling you a little closer to his body.

"Assistant-chan?" You raise an eyebrow. "You know I have a name?"

Shidou lets you go from the hug, but grabs your shoulders and makes you turn around to face him. "Assistant-chan! Because I adore how nicely you do your work. But you know... there's some special work you could do to help me out."

Shidou is about to lean his face a bit closer to yours, but you already took a step back. It's more than obvious that he's not genuinely asking for help, but instead trying to flirt more. He might be interrupting you at your current task, but at least he's amusing.

You let out a short chuckle before continuing to talk. "And what do you happen to need help with? You see... I'm actually busy refilling water for your teammates, who are - other than you - at practice right now."

"Oh come on!" Shidou raises his voice a little, but in a rather teasing than aggressive tone. There is a slight hint of aggressiveness, but it sounds fake. "Do I look like I need to be at practice? Especially when I can be spending my time with a sweet thing like you?"

"You, Shidou-chan," You start in a slightly teasing tone, "Should be at practice because your team needs you. And I, your 'assistant-chan', need to do my job."

Shidou seems to be taken aback by the hint of teasing in your voice. He's flirted with you so often and has always tried to get more of a reaction out of you other than rejection, but now that you're starting to tease him back even just a little bit, he seems to be out of words for a moment. Well, until he gets a new thought and starts speaking once more.

"My assistant-chan? At this point, why don't you become my personal assistant, eh?" The grin on Shidou's face widens. "I certainly know something you could help me with. Hint: it's in my pants."

The immediate response in your brain is 'What the fuck did he just say?' but if you backed out now, Shidou would see that as one step closer to winning your heart - which is something you definitely don't want him to think.

It takes you a moment to find a good response, but you win a bit of time by finally starting to refill one of the bottles. Your back is turned to Shidou now, so he can't see how you're actually struggling to come up with something.

After you finish refilling the first bottle and put it aside, you turn around to face Shidou again. "You're so unholy sometimes, I think you deserve to be crucified." You tease him again.

"Oh, I'd love to!" For a second, you could swear there were little sparkles in Shidou's eyes. He seems to enjoy how you're starting to tease him. "Let me be crucified -" Shidou pulls you closer by your collar and leans his face towards yours, "- on you."

And this is the first time Shidou manages to put a genuine blush on your face. But in no way are you giving in to him like this.

"I'll admit, that was smooth." You carefully remove his hand from your collar before grabbing his instead, pulling him even closer to your face. "You're getting better at this." You pull him just a bit closer, acting as if you're about to kiss him. And as Shidou leans in for that, you push him away with both of your arms on his shoulders.

The startled look in his eyes is absolutely priceless. You've never seen him this caught off guard by anything.

"If you get even better, maybe I'll have to actually crucify you! But I won't let you know if it's gonna be in the way you want it, or the way I want it."

Taglist (sign-up link): @starhrtz @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @acacIa @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @ririgards @depressed-bitchy-demon

#💟 maochira writes #bllk #blue lock #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #ryusei shidou #shidou ryusei #shidou x reader #shidou x you #ryusei shidou x reader #ryusei shidou x you #bllk shidou #blue lock shidou

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ccasey0 · 2 months

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Okay, i have the first five stars. this took way longer than expected lol.

@allyheart707 is the one on Casey's tail. she is the star of sleep, and her bow carries dream arrows that grant those she shoots with it the dreams they will love the most.

@onlyhereforturtles is the fox looking at the black that Casey always leaves behind when he walks. They are a kitsune with markings that were surprisingly hard to get right. i was unable to add in all the stuff they mentioned, but i hope this is still acceptable.

@kitmay05 is the one waving at Casey. She is a small farmer who harvests shinedust and gifts it in little pouches to people in need. different kinds of shinedust has different qualities. she has a hoe that can be used for farming or whacking.

@cosmocafe is the goat floating at the top left. the only thing they mentioned was for the goat to have a scarf, so i made up a few little things while i was drawing. they can float and wherever they step they leave swirls of various different temperatures depending on the season. they help make the winter cold and the summer hot.

@icequeenabby is the little owl on Casey's head. she flies around the night sky while the other farmer stars are working to harvest the shinedust. she likes to fly underneath them and catch some of the stray dust on her wings. she will then happily fly around the newer shines that are just blooming and shower then with the dust to make them glow even brighter. she also has a stick. there isn't anything special about this stick. but she will kill you if you try to take it from her.

Whew, okay. that took forever. i still have two more stars to add to this, and then i wanna make individual drawings for each star. also, im calling the characters "stars" and the actual glowing dots in the sky "shines" so as not to get them confused with each other. I also want to add that i'm sorry if the stars don't look exactly how you guys described them. i did my best, and for some of the harder ones i just gave up and simplified them. at this point i'm too tired to change anything about it. oh. the explanation for why the stars are following Casey. sometimes, Casey will be walking through the Night sky to do something. sme of the stars see him and decide "oh! it's the Night Spirit! i bet i could help him with some stuff!" and they just start following him. they usually follow him around for as long as possible until he tells them to leave or to go do something. they will even follow him outside of the nighttime. Casey acts like he despises these little guys and their persistence. but he actually adores each one of them and will take a bullet to protect his tiny star bebes. the edgelord will never admit it though.

also, fun fact: the night sky is a little world of its own! it may just look like the sky from the earth, but it is more of a vast expanse of white where all the night spirits live. and yes, i know what you are thinking. "white? shouldn't it be black?" well, It is a mix of both. Wherever the upper spirits walk, the leave black footprints that spread like markers bleeding into paper. the blackness will eventually all drip away and land on the border between the celestial realm and the mortal one. then it just stays there, making the sky look black to everyone below. the Shines are bright enough to be able to shine through the backness though, giving the look of a night sky. also, only spirits can go through the borders alone. any mortal has to have celestial help to get to the celestial realm.

it might be a bit until i work on this again since i have a ton of work to do, family staying at our house for the eclipse, a bunch of other drawings i wanna get done, and way too little sleep to function properly. so yeah, imma sleep for a bit. catch up on some stuff. and then i will likely start up on this again. ALSO!! feel free to make this digital and add your own stars to this! i'd love to see what other people can come up with for this!

info on the au can be found Here! oke, bye now. hope you like it!

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fewwawifwiends · 2 years

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soft serve ice cream

this is a story that might appear innocent. but it's not. reader discretion is advised for the filth that follows.

trigger warning: none that i can think about?

word count: 11,345 (this has not been proofread as much as it should, beta'd or anything of the sort. so, small disclaimer: it might have been better and it's also my first attempt to smut, constructive criticism is welcome)

soft serve ice cream

fucking imperial system. his gps for some godforsaken reason had changed upon landing to england and now his drive was approximately 68 miles. how hard would it be to have one system and fucking stick to it so that people can have at least one thing in common worldwide?

an image of the babel tower as he used to imagine it as a child collapsing flashed through his mind as he connected his phone to the car’s speakers and put his spotify playlist on shuffle. he shook his head, and a few blond strands of hair fell in front of his face, pushing them back harshly; this had not been an easy day and the slightest inconvenience, that otherwise he might have brushed off, now fuelled his anger more.

trying to leave all thoughts of what happened in the testing session behind him; he’d heard once that a good way to do that is to imagine all negative thoughts and emotions becoming smaller and smaller when picturing them in the rear-view mirror, quite literally, leaving them behind. but max could now attest that this was a bunch of horse shit. all this ‘mindfulness exercise’ did was to bring images that he wanted to forget right in front of him. quite frankly, now he didn’t want to leave them behind but have them right in front of him, ready as ever to run them over. or run that cocky bastard over, whatever came first.

surprisingly, the turn that his train of thought took, along with the visual of a certain driver’s face flattened by his wheels, brought him some clarity and peace. his pride allowed him to acknowledge this much, so perhaps that exercise wasn’t as useless as he initially thought, even though he knew fully well that it was his ideas that had worked in the end. then again, he did always require to personalise everything, make it somehow his own, one way or another, why would something like that be any different?

he even took a deep breath, concentrating on that for a few minutes, while his eyes wandered aimlessly in the somewhat scenic route around him. who would have thought that his might actually work? not him, that’s for sure. but it did help. the deep bass blasting from the car’s speakers had a part to play as well; it was part of his ritual now, and rituals equal routines and routines equal stability. quite a simple equation, even though it took more than he would have liked to fully understand it.

soon enough though, his mind started going back, desperately trying to make him face what happened, who said what and why. needless to say that max wasn’t having any of it, so he trying converting miles to kilometres in his head, trying to also somehow measure the distance he’d already made, and subtract it from the total, which was a logistical nightmare on its own accord. his speedometer showed 130 kilometres, you know, like a normal person. and then he realised that that wasn’t exactly a normal person’s speed margin on a freeway, but there was no way he’d budge on the metric system. or slow down.

he was driving as if he were in some kind of trance, not fully aware and definitely not realising when he reached london’s civilisation. but he was there, and the sun was still up, so he probably had made good time.

he figured that parking in the centre of the city would be much harder than it turned out to be, so he was quickly out of the car, absentmindedly banging the door on his way out into the street. apparently just driving didn’t cut it, his nerves were still on the verge of snapping. but he was prepared for that, he knew that much, so his plan wasn’t obviously to just drive; that would be irrational, who works to let off steam caused by their job?

“shit” he cursed under his breath, retracing the few steps he had taken away from the car; his phone was still in there, and while he couldn’t care less about being reached from anyone in the team, or his family for that matter -god forbid, his father- he’d rather shoot himself in the face than not having music taking his mind off things. sometimes, it was the best company he could ask for and the only thing he needed. other than bashing a coworker’s face in, of course. but that wasn’t socially, or legally acceptable for that matter, so music was the next best thing. he wasn’t one to settle, but exceptions had to be made from time to time.

with quick and sudden movements, he opened the door, grabbed his phone and, oops, banged the door again.

his step was heavy and determined, even though he had no clue where he was going. a park would be nice, probably get a jog in there as well, and just his luck, regent’s park was only a song’s walk from where he found a parking spot. to be fair, he had no idea if the place was actually called regent’s park but there was a park and a train station with that exact same name, so how far off could he be?

he entered the park, making a conscious effort to slow his pace, breathe in through his nose, exhale through his mouth, take in his surroundings and all that yogi bullshit that he could think of, in what, in retrospect, could only be characterised as pathetic attempts to act like a person and not a kettle about to explode.

he made a challenge with himself, to take a note and comment on everything his eye caught, in some adult version of ‘i spy’, in order to enhance his mindfulness. sometimes he wondered how he was even related to his sister, when such words came out of her mouth in all seriousness. for a few minutes, his challenge was something along the lines of ‘tree - very green, tree - almost dead, squirrel - kind of cute, trash - much like the human that left it there, tree - barely clinging to life, middle-aged jogger - enough to discourage me from jogging at the end of the day, group of loud girls - ugh, group of teenage boys pining over the girls - double ugh, dog shit - ew, much like the human that left it there’ and so on, until he saw it: a vendor.

the humidity and heat of an english summer was enough to drive him mad. he was sweaty but not exactly sweating, and everything felt sticky. peeling off his skin seemed like a very nice workaround to survive this. or an iced tea and some shade. and that’s how the vendor from a simple man in his forties, became the closest thing to a god max could see that day. picking up his pace in spite of himself, he found himself releasing some more of the tension that he kept on holding -and that useless challenge did fuck all at getting rid of it. perhaps a nice exercise was in the cards for him, but the mental image of the shirtless skinny middle-aged man was now etched in his mind. so an iced tea and just trying to fucking relax for once was the plan he chose to stick to.

approaching his own little oasis, he saw a girl getting in front of him, in the same direction. trying to suppress a groan -because of course nothing would go his way the first time around-, he fixed his sunglasses and silently accepted his fate, waiting as patiently as he could behind her, not even realising that he was tapping his foot on the gravel. his eyes searched for a quiet bench and he marked one just before it was his turn to order at that over-packed stand. he could only hope that it was still be unoccupied when he reached it.

max’s interaction with the vendor was brief, his eyes focused on the bench, as if mentally claiming it, only darting at the man who was supposed to be the main focus of his attention, just enough to make sure that the transaction would be completed and successful. not wasting a fraction of a second, knowing full well the difference it can make, he walked towards his bench with long, assured strides.

but it was all in vain. like appearing out of thin air, the same girl who took his place at the vendor, was now taking a seat on his bench.

“fucking unbelievable” was all he could think and the words turned into a sound before he realised it.

a quick scan of the area provided him with an alternative, not too far away. certainly close enough to keep an eye on his original bench and reclaim it as soon as she got up. trying not to fuss over it too much, he sat down and took a few large gulps of his drink, enjoying the cool feeling in his hand and almost feeling his throat opening up again as soon as the liquid touched it. a headache he didn’t know he had subsided substantially and everything seemed a bit brighter, in spite of his dark shades.

however, his mind was still fixated on its previous activity: observe and note, so in lack of anything more stimulating to occupy his brain with, he drifted back to finding patterns and correlations. this time around though, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the girl on the bench. unwillingly on both ends, she was the object of his observation now, and there wasn’t anything either of them could do about it.

her hair was a sweet shade of brown, with something that resembled gold highlighting the strands framing her face when the sun hit just right. he wasn’t close enough to notice her eye colour, but he imagined a plain but warm brown. fitting of the bitch that took his spot, derailing his plan to actually catch a god damn break. she was no one, and yet, she already held that much power over his mood. not only was she no one, max didn’t even know her. it wasn’t a matter of socioeconomic standing at that point. unbeknownst to her, it became personal.

one hand was holding a cup and the other a spoon, presumably soft serve vanilla ice cream. she looked like a vanilla kind of girl, which pissed max off even more. not to brag, but he always felt some considerable steps ahead of anything vanilla. and now that exact same thing had the audacity to get in the way of his one big attempt at finding some god damn peace and quiet.

still, he couldn’t find the power in him to look away. only if he took in every single detail about her would he be in peace, his brain dictated and max could only accept and follow that; so what else besides a fairly common hair colour, a definitely dull eye colour and the fact that she was eating ice cream on his bench could he gather about her?

on her right, on the far end of the bench, she’d placed a white (or beige?) tote bag with a minimalist design he couldn’t quite make out, as it was scrunched and crumbled away into a shapeless mass. all he could see were black lines, ‘artistically’ squiggled on a what could’ve been white canvas. max had never met a girl who carried a tote bag and wasn’t pretentious. she’d definitely go on endlessly about feminism -which he was all for, don’t get him wrong- but then complain that chivalry is dead the instant he doesn’t open a door for her, as if it made a fucking difference.

and then her rest of her clothes went through the scan; her plain white t-shirt, elaborately white as to not have the sun constantly overheating her -a smart move, no doubt, considering he didn’t bother to change out of his dark blue, borderline black redbull attire- didn’t give anything away about her figure, short of her arms that were exposed. they were not the skin-stuck-to-bone arms he was so used to seeing, there was a bit more to it, and he had to admit, it was a bit refreshing. nothing strong enough for this heat though. certainly not as effective as his lemon iced tea, from which he sipped on carefully, making sure he had enough to last him for however long he’d stay there; he could splurge on his way home. or to the hotel room he’d call home for the next few days.

her legs were covered by an equally white, long skirt, reaching all the way down to her ankles, which were laced with the thin straps of her leather sandals. another smart move on her end, he hated to admit as his jeans felt like they were embedded on his thighs and calves more and more as the minutes in the heat went by. she’d be able to feel the slightest breeze, while all he could savour was the sweat beads that were slowly forming on his brow being slightly cooled, if some wind blew his way.

a few moments passed and max was having a very hard time accepting his defeat. it was always a hard pill to swallow, made even worse by his a small voice in his head dared to whisper that the girl did absolutely nothing wrong, certainly nothing to be in the receiving end of his temper. but that voice was quickly silenced, no questions asked. she was his nemesis, for the day at least.

his gaze was fixed on her movements, time passing by so, oh so slowly. he felt the heat having a consistent toll on him, despite of the fact that the sun was about to set, not really relating the cues of his body to his mental state. he took his eyes off her to enjoy the split seconds of another big sip of his iced tea, but when he opened them again, there she was again. it was ridiculous to expect that she would be gone in an instant, but a man could hope.

he was now watching her hand guiding the plastic spoon to take a scoop of the ice cream and bringing it to her mouth. it was a very simple thing for a person to do, but max couldn’t help but notice how her wrist flicked almost delicately, and how her lips wrapped softly around the spoon. he kept watching her, repeating the same monotonous moves, spicing things up a bit by playing around with the spoon from time to time, making sure that no ice cream was left when she dipped it in the cup again.

she seemed so lost in her thoughts that he couldn’t help but feel a sting of jealousy overcome him. how would max have liked to just be lost in thought, mindlessly repeating the same motions over and over again, just a nudge away from his mind going completely blank. but he couldn’t remember the last time he ever felt that calm, a thought which caused a scoff to escape his lips while a smirk formed. was he ever capable of something like that?

still, this served as some kind of trance, slowly bringing his blood down from its boiling point that it had been reaching, but just not quite, for hours on end now. but of course, this couldn’t go on forever, not that such a thought ever occurred to him. a sudden move from her was enough to bring everything crumbling down all over again: angrily she stabbed the ice cream with the spoon, and with a very sudden move she turned her head to face him. before he had a chance to collect himself, he heard her voice.

“can i help you?” her tone was sharp, and very much directed at him. turns out she had a bone to pick with him? well, wasn’t that just rich!

“you’re sitting on my bench.” he replied calmly, stating his fact, not letting his smirk being wiped away as he pushed his weight forward, arms resting on his knees. if she wanted to play, he was more than willing.

“oh i’m sorry, i didn’t realise it was reserved for assholes” her voice dripped with sarcasm, and normally that would be okay. max was no stranger to delivering verbal blows ever since he found out that they were more acceptable then physical ones. in his current state, he was practically itching for a fight, and a stranger calling him an asshole would be ideal.

in a weird twist of his brain though, it had the opposite effect. he wasn’t the asshole in the situation, but he momentarily remembered the voice that he was too quick to silence earlier. he wouldn’t dream of calling that voice reasonable, but maybe it had a point. the girl had done absolutely nothing wrong from an objective standpoint, and all she’d received was some guy eyeing her for no apparent reason. he’d come off as a creep at best.

max sighed as the realisation dawned on him and a hand reached to scratch the back of his neck. he looked down and forced his legs to help him stand up and take a few steps towards her, his drink still on hand. behind his sunglasses he could see a flicker of fear in her eyes, although the rest of her body was consistent in its aggressive stance towards him.

“i- i’m sorry. i had a really shitty day and i know it sounds crazy, but i was looking forward to that specific bench. and then you just came and took it-”

“how old are you?” she cut him off, venom still slowly dripping from her words.

“three and a half.” max replied, defeated, concealing exactly two decades. a small smile formed on her lips, fit for a victor.

“i appreciate your honesty. you can sit here, if you want.” she said simply, gesturing at the empty space next to her, her eyes averted from his, as if she didn’t care, knowing fully well she had indeed already won.

“thank you.” he replied almost coldly, taking the offered seat.

quite a few silent minutes followed, during which max realised that the location of the bench didn’t to the slightest difference for his mood. this was all in fucking vain. but he couldn’t let it go to his head, not again.

in a desperate attempt to keep whatever was left of his cool, he decided to take up his little challenge again and the first thing he noticed was her, the girl sitting next to him, so he decided to take a closer look.

her features weren’t exactly typical; cheekbones were high but not sharp, her nose was long and straight and her mouth was perhaps small, but her lips were full. he smiled when his eyes met hers; he was fucking right, plain brown. there was absolutely nothing special about them, but for some reason he couldn’t quite define, he couldn’t look away so he stayed there, staring looking. they were brown, sure, but there were some darker lines and a weird feeling in his chest. fuck him if he’d ever met another human being who could convey their emotions just by a single look so effortlessly. and she felt… defensive.

“what the fuck are you looking at?” her words indicated more than ferocity, there was definitely a hint of regret, if not that fear he detected in her eyes earlier.

“i tend to stare and zone out.” he stated, keeping his tone as neutral as he could. his breaking point wasn’t far off and he’d already established it would be a shame if he took it out on her.

“that doesn’t make it any less creepy. nor did i hear an apology anywhere there.” her last words came through gritted teeth that he was sure she wouldn’t hesitate to bare, figuratively or literally.

max took a deep breath, taking her words at face value, trying to ignore her tone or what she might have meant.

“you’re right. i am sorry. it’s very rude to stare, even where i’m from.” he forced a chuckle to lighten the mood and it seemed to put her at ease, even a little.

“and where might that be?”

“i’m dutch, actually. and my name is max.” he extended his hand.

“amelia”

“you have a very nice handshake there.”

“hm… this tends to intimidate men like you.” she let go of his hand and took a long look at her palm, as if she were trying to figure out if there was something wrong with it.

max raised an eyebrow in response.

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” his tone was borderline playful and if he were to be honest with himself, he didn’t exactly have the capacity to sugarcoat or hide anything. so it came as quite a surprise when her comment didn’t push any more of his buttons. but boy, was he right. he was in for a rant and there was no way out of it but through.

“oh you know, insecure creeps who think that a woman is inherently ready to eat from their hand.” she replied matter-of-factly, still examining her hand.

“that’s quite a leap to make, isn’t it?”

“i’ve made quite a few attempts to help you prove me wrong, but none of them have turned out in your favour, i’m afraid.”

“i’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to believe him when he says that he’s not a misogynist.” he laughed at the turn this conversation took. once he managed to let out the last chuckle he continued; “worst thing you can charge me with is anger issues. but if you ask me, those are just rumours.”

“how’s that supposed to make things better? okay, so now you’re an unstable creep with an elevated social vocabulary who can quote notting hill.” she sounded almost exasperated and he felt something connect a bit different inside him, like he took a wire that almost fit, put it in the right spot and now it was surging with electricity. looks like her victory might have been short lived after all, and he needed a win.

“if you ask me, i’m managing my anger just fine. and the fact that we’re talking like civilised adults does prove my point. besides, i told you, that’s just a rumour.” a smirk laced his words and he saw her lips pout just slightly, mind racing to find the words to wipe it off.

“this is just pointless. guess i’m glad i didn’t get killed, or worse-”

“expelled?” he finished off her sentence, barely holding back another surge of laughter. “oh come on, it was right there!” he responded to her glare.

“god, you’re a privileged asshole!” her hand collided against the wood of the bench and instantly reached for her bag, which she put over her shoulder and picked up her ice cream, getting up to leave.

his reflexes worked faster than his brain, that was what he was supposed to do anyway. it was his job, so in a sense, it was a good thing. grabbing a strange girl’s arm as she’s trying to leave, on the other hand, might not be considered that good. for a second he froze, body locked in place, fingers against her arm, eyes for the first time, gentle, even if just a little.

“this was your bench. i should be the one to go. i have to get back anyway.” he let go as soon as he could; it was like touching ice: the mistake doesn’t quite register until it’s too late and your hand is on fire so you drop it. and that’s exactly how he let go, he dropped her arm as if it was burning cold. “i’m sorry.” he continued. “i- i don’t know why i did that. have a good one!” he flashed her a smile and a small wave, like he was trained to do by his pr specialist when he needed to end an encounter in a friendly way, a tip he hadn’t used as much as he should, but was apparently engraved in his brain.

and just like that, he turned around and left.

two days later, the weekend was looming and he felt very close to bursting, so much so that tuesday felt like a walk in the park (pun sort of intended). he realised that at this point, his biggest threat was himself. everything else had worked like clockwork, his team was a well oiled machine but that fucker was still finding the smallest and subtlest ways of getting to him; a passive aggressive comment muttered under his breath, a cocky wink when things didn’t turn out as his team expected to name a couple.

the press conference wasn’t much easier. max found himself gritting his teeth and digging his nails into his palms every time he opened his mouth. by the end of it, he couldn’t tell if he felt more angry or anxious that he wouldn’t be able to control it. however, eventually it did end and feigned a bullshit excuse to get out of the rest of his responsibilities for the evening. he needed to rest and get ready for the start of the weekend the day after, it was only rational to take an evening off to collect himself.

thankfully, the team refrained from asking too many questions. most of them probably knew exactly what was going on and knew better than to push him further or try to make him talk about it -ugh. and those who didn’t, those not yet familiar with max’s moods, received glares from everyone else, alerting them of the potential and imminent danger speaking about it would put them in.

if there was something in max that would balance out those moods of his, that would be his consistency and professionalism. he never read too much into it, but it looked like those two attributes helped him get away when he needed, because it had only happened a handful of times in the five years of his career and he’d always make sure that everything was set before demanding strongly asking to be excused.

after a cold shower his room seemed too small, as if it couldn’t fit him anymore, so he found himself in the leased honda once again, taking the exact same route he did two days earlier. getting to the park was much easier, considering that this time around he knew where he was going. he didn’t know why he chose to be there again, but rationalising at his current situation wasn’t a strong suit. all max knew was that repetition did him some good and that was enough. it was far and familiar enough to at least pretend that it could help.

he forced a smile at the same vendor he found, with the same iced tea in hand. max felt his lips relaxing into a more genuine smile as he managed to sit on the bench he had set his eyes on from the get go the first time around. for some reason this felt more fulfilling than knowing that everything was exactly as it should be to grant him another pole, if not another podium -wouldn’t want to get too cocky now.

the park seemed more peaceful than it did the other time he was there; less people, less noise, letting the nature really speak for itself. of what was left alive of it, anyway. it was a much nicer time to be there as well: the sun was almost setting when he sat down, giving a warm hue to everything, making the sky a true spectacle. maybe not everything about england sucked. max felt finally free to get out of his head, let go and just close his eyes, and enjoy life as it was at that moment; calm and serene. he allowed his elbows to rest on the back of the bench, almost levelling with his shoulders, and the cracks from his shoulder blades indicated that this was a smart move to make, allowing him to finally start relaxing.

“you have got to be fucking shitting me” his peace was short lived, as the familiar-but-can’t-quite-place-it voice stabbed it in the neck, letting it bleed out profusely, much like his patience.

blue eyes shot wide open, one eyebrow instantly and instinctively raised, head turning to his left, the exact location of the sound. his gaze landed on what’s-her-name from the other day. just his fucking luck.

“we have to stop meeting like that” he said with a snicker, trying to lighten the mood, more his than hers.

this earned him a very intense eye roll, but she remained silent, continuing her path. it didn’t take more than a couple of steps for max to notice that she was headed his way and before there was anything he could do about it, she took the empty spot on his right. he opened his mouth to speak, his next snarky remark just hanging on the edge of his tongue, but the glare she shot him shut him up pretty quick, albeit not for long.

“now who’s being entitled?” he just couldn’t keep it in any longer, there was no other option.

“you’ve got some nerve.” she replied, not even bothering to look at him.

“you called me privileged the other day.”

“mmhm…”

“what gave it away?”

“name one article of clothing on you that isn’t designer.” she stated simply, still not even facing in his direction.

“why did you sit next to me?”

“you said it was my bench, didn’t you?”

“i also said i was three!”

“you certainly keep acting like you are.”

“oh that’s rich coming from a girl who sat here out of pure pettiness.”

“don’t you ever shut up?”

“am i wrong?”

“i just go after what i want, and i wanted this bench.” she finally looked at him.

it took just this one simple phrase to make his eyes darken.

“you clearly have no idea who you’re talking to.” he smirked, knowing that he knows better, gaze locked into hers.

“max, right?” she faked a ditzy look and a wide smile, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, which made the lights in his head go on. god, she knew exactly which buttons to push.

“aw you remembered! such a good girl.” max made sure to stretch out his words, certain that it would sound condescending enough to get her as riled up as he was.

“i’m not leaving.” she stated calmly, thinking that she saw right through him. but he didn’t want to make her leave, not in the slightest. it hadn’t even crossed his mind. out of everything he’d tried in the past two days, this was the only thing coming actually close to help him let off some steam.

“i’m not trying to make you leave.” his reply was sincere, but still not enough to change the tune of the conversation.

“you sure as hell are doing your best.”

and just like that, for the first time, silence fell between them. but max was now noticing her every move.

she took her canvas bag off her shoulder and placed in the small space between her and the far right end of the bench. with swift movement she placed the cup she was holding between her knees, bringing to his attention that she was wearing a pair of jean shorts this time around, that surprisingly, didn’t cling to her skin. he caught only a glimpse of it, careful to not give himself away, but even though she was wearing the same plain white shirt, the shorts did baffle him; like her arms, even more so perhaps, her thighs were more than skin clinging on to bone, but the shorts weren’t suffocating her. an amazing fit, if he had anything to say about it.

the cup, he noticed next, contained both chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream, and somehow it felt good that he’d been wrong about her choice of ice cream flavour. even though he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it…

before he had a chance to lift his gaze from the ice cream cup, a book made a loud noise as it fell on her thighs, constricting his view. he could sense a hint of disappointment, but it wasn’t enough to pay attention to. max could have at least noticed the title, see what she was interested in, but that didn’t interest him enough. he decided to wait a few moments, let amelia (he finally remembered her name, fuck yes) get lost in her book, whatever it was, other than a heavy stack of pages stitched together, before annoying her again.

“so vanilla and chocolate, huh?”

“what of it?” her voice gave nothing away, as if she was keeping her cool, but the fact that she didn’t look at him once again and a quite violent flip of the page suggested otherwise.

“i just took you for a vanilla kind of girl, is all.” max replied, taking some weight off his statement by nonchalantly drinking some of his tea that he’d almost forgotten.

“you clearly have no idea who you’re talking to” she returned him his exact words, holding her ground, with her indifferent tone and her eyes glued on her book but the blush on her pale cheeks betrayed her.

“amelia, right?” he kept up his charade of pretending that this conversation was as casual as talking about the weather.

“does this conversation have a point? i’m kind of in the middle of something.” she shook the book that was carefully held open in place with her thumb.

“does everything have to have a point? i’m just trying to get to know you-”

“no need.” she cut him off and picked up her book with her left hand, emphasising that she was busy.

that was enough to shut him up, but only because his mind was now otherwise occupied. the innuendos certainly helped with that. her actions brought his attention back to her bare legs, as now there was no book to cover them up, not spending as much time on the cup, as on the fact that her thighs clung on to it. she wasn’t thin, which meant that she wasn’t his normal type. but that didn’t stop him from having images flooding his brain, namely of what her skin would feel like, especially perhaps around his head.

for those fleeting seconds that that mental image lasted, he lost touch with reality and that was an unfamiliar and unwelcome feeling, so he shook it off. he didn’t know her, he didn’t even know if he liked her, for that matter. averting his eyes, his gaze landed on her face, but he had a new thing coming; apparently, while he zoned out, she’d taken a spoonful of the ice cream, which she was now nursing, full lips softly wrapped around the relative small bite. once the spoon was empty, she darted out her tongue, collecting what could have remained. this time around, max didn’t even have to zone out, it was taking place right in front of him and he found himself unable to look away.

“you have got to be kidding me.” he muttered under his breath, not really caring if amelia heard him or not. there was no way this was as innocent as she’d certainly have him believe.

“hm?” she gave him half a glance and a raised eyebrow in response.

“was this on purpose?” max almost pleaded. almost. there was no way he’d give away that much.

“maybe.”

“so you’re not denying it.” not a question anymore. a part of him was relieved that he didn’t have to explain himself which would inevitably end in a very well deserved kick in the balls. another part of him was getting riled up all over again over the sheer audacity of that girl.

“that’s what you get for calling me vanilla.”

she was playing him like a fucking fiddle. he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, his brow furrowing. there was absolutely no emotion in her voice, talking as if to say that the sky was blue, not even a hint for him to cling to. she knew what she was doing better than he cared to ever admit out loud.

without really realising why, max stood up and started noticing their surroundings. the park was notably less crowded as the orange and pink colours of the sky faded to be replaced by purple and dark blue. it was around the time that normal people went home. he knew he wasn’t normal and he was certain she wasn’t either. and then it dawned on him: he was actively looking for some place with a bit more… privacy than their current location. was this really where the evening was going?

"that's all it took to get you to leave?" there was a tone of superiority in her voice, proud that she was able to push his buttons so easily. perhaps a little disappointed that it was that easy.

she spoke as if she didn't care if he were truly about to leave, which realistically, would make sense. but he wasn't done yet and he chose to interpret the disappointment in her tone as an opportunity to take this just a little bit further. his next words weren't carefully chosen per se, but he knew it would make or break whatever that was.

"what will it take for you to shut up?" he glared at her, unable to hide his frustration. max felt his eyes darken as they were locked with amelia's, that were laced with a gleam that made his blood boil all over again. nothing was final until she spoke again.

"why don't you find out?" a smirk formed on her lips as she slowly closed her book and putting her ice cream cup on the side, almost… preparing for what would follow? was he really that transparent?

he didn't take time to dwell on that, it was the last thing on his mind, not that the list was very long. with his body on autopilot, he found himself just dropping his body on top of her, his hands wrapped tightly around her wrists, pinning them to the hard wood beneath her, his face a few centimetres away from hers, blue eyes still locked into brown ones.

her gasp was sharp and short lived, immediately turning back into the smirk she had on moments earlier. she raised an eyebrow as she spoke, her sweetened breath hitting his face.

"is that all?"

"oh for the love of fuck" he muttered while closing the distance between them, lips clashing.

it wasn't sweet or soft, far from it; it was violent and deafening. nothing else existed for those moments, just skin against skin with his hands still holding her down, lips against lips. she opened her mouth, maybe trying to pull away, add another snarky remark but he didn't let her. he grasped the opportunity to deepen their kiss, if he could even call it that, slithering his tongue in her mouth, grazing it with her teeth before finding her own. this was their first gentle contact, and he dared think the last of the sort. she let it be gentle, knowing fully well that it wouldn't last; that much was evident from her attempt at pushing her body closer to his. once again, he didn't let her. he pulled away, breaking some of their contact. like hell would he let her have it her way.

reality shot him though as he opened his eyes and he saw the sight in front of him: the girl, eyes wide open and dark. he couldn’t be sure if this was because she felt what he was feeling, wanting this as he wanted it, or because she was about to engage in either fight or flight.

“you sure?” he whispered, voice barely reaching his throat, breath uneven but just not quite.

she slowly blinked and her head nodded a slight ‘yes’. her teeth found bite marks on her lips that he left and his eyes followed them. maybe reality was a tad better than he thought it would be.

he let go of her right hand, grip never wavering on her left. her eyes found his and he found them anxious. did she think he would just up and leave? perhaps he was that kind of sadist, but certainly not that kind of masochist. however, he couldn’t help but grin at the thought of walking away, imagining the look on her face; simply priceless.

smirking still, he took his sweet time to make a move. any move other than breathing. a few seconds later, he yanked her hard enough to let her know it was time to get up.

“i’m not a dog!” she hissed, but her body followed him with no resistance, bag hanging from her free wrist, clicking on her legs as she half-jogged behind him in order to keep up.

“give me 10 minutes.” he turned his head as he replied to her, making sure that she saw the smirk still etched on his face.

he heard her huff in response, still following his lead. a few meters later, just a bit deeper, there were no passersby and a tree that probably predated his grandfather, big enough to provide some sense of cover. he didn’t waste any time rushing towards the tree, his stride wider than before, hearing amelia struggle to keep up behind him. the rest of the things that happened between max locating that tree and having amelia’s back pinned on it, both hands now in his grip, above her head, would remain a mystery.

all he knew was that he was once again crashing onto her and while he was kissing her lips, he was admiring the smell of her neck, which he found irresistible, he simply had to dig in. and so he did, teeth latching onto the part where her shoulder met her neck, slowly but intensly worked his way up, until his lips were now on the back of her ear. his free hand reached to cup her face.

her eyes were closed and from her mouth escaped small, almost inaudible, rhythmical sighs. until his hand that was cupping her cheek inched fast but strongly downward, his thumb moving, closing a bit around her throat. that was when be felt her eyes open and her sighs collecting into one sharp gasp that quickly turned into a small moan.

‘don’t mind if i do’ thought max, having the green light and letting his thumb squeeze a bit harder, a smile growing wide on his lips against her skin.

he let go of her hands and she didn’t waste any time digging into his hair, ready to tug. his teeth toyed with her earlobe as his now free hand reached for the thighs he could only image the touch of only minutes earlier. her skin was soft and he didn’t know why he was surprised by that. he allowed some pressure in his palm and found the sense more than gratifying, letting it squeeze and grab and feel until he felt like it was barely enough to not leave a bruise.

with slow but rough motions, his hand found her waist, not neglecting to admire her figure and giving it a squeeze as well, and after that he stopped right below her breast. face now moving away of hers, he expected to see some pleading look, but he was bound for disappointment. in her eyes he saw inextinguishable fire, but not a single sign to show anything that would allow him to feel on top of the situation.

determined to make that change, his arm left her chest, snaking right beneath her belly, stopping where her thigh met the crotch of her jeans. max looked up once again, hoping to see a change, but she wouldn’t do him the favour. determined still, he moved his hand forward, reaching exactly between her legs. at the same time, his other hand reached to find her nipple and give it a tug, a contact that was over as soon as it started.

the look in her eyes didn’t waver, but amelia pouted her lips, letting a very exaggerated breath through her nose with a faked grunt accompanying it.

oh, he could do this all day. he reached for the same spots again, making sure to linger a little longer this time. results remained the same, until the third time, when max unbuttoned and slid down her shorts instead of attempting to tease. in a flash, he was on his knees, helping amelia get one leg off, so he could spread her legs just wide enough to be able to reach her panties.

max would never remember the colour of her underwear, but the smell of her cunt would be hard to forget. his face inched closer while his hand hooked her panties and pulled them to the side, until he was close enough to place a swift lick along the length of her slit, making sure to thoroughly check her taste and how wet she was. he moaned in accomplishment. she was wetter than he thought and she tasted sweet and tangy; perfection.

he thought he heard her release a moan, so he quickly made sure to look up and make sure she heard him.

“don’t you dare make a sound.” this would be a fun game.

“bold of you to assume you could get a sound out of me.”

“now that was a whole string of sounds.” he smiled too sweetly as he talked and looked up at her. “and your only warning.” eyes darkened in a matter of milliseconds and torn away from hers.

returning to his prior position, max continued offering long licks along her lips, suckling and biting slightly even, to exploring her folds and entrance with his tongue, to giving small and tentative licks and suckles on her clit.

amelia remained silent, but her body told him all he needed to know; the grinding of her hips when she needed more and the slight convulsion of her thighs around his head let him know when to stop so she wouldn’t come were enough. once he calculated that she was a few seconds away from release, he gently pulled away, making the transition as slow as possible, torturing her for a little longer. once satisfied by the sight, he reached up.

“you were so silent, such a good girl.” he whispered softly, raising her head with his finger, so he could look at her when he praised her.

“like i’d want to get caught with you” she retorted, averting her gaze to the ground.

“was that a sound you just made?” his voice remained soft, his eyes, reflecting his tone while searching for hers, as if it wasn’t the insult that got to him, reminding her calmly of her second strike. if that’s how she wanted to play, he didn’t mind reminding her that she was never on top of their game. did she know that most things end on strike three?

when she not only didn’t reply, but didn’t give him any cues either, he completely let go of her and took a step back.

“it’s okay, you know. if you don’t want to get caught with me, you can just leave.” he called her bluff, still giving her an out.

“and miss this?” came her response as she closed the gap between them and reached for his erection over his pants, making sure she familiarised herself with the entire outline.

“sounds like you need me.” max smirked, lacing his hand with hers over his cock.

“i feel like you need me.” she reciprocated his smirk and squeezed a bit harder and then proceed to unbutton his pants, slithering her hand behind his boxers and letting her fingers find his cock and start playing with it.

he bit his lower lip and inhaled sharply through his mouth.

“your pussy was dripping into my mouth not a minute ago.” he replied, an edge in his voice.

amelia squeezed her fingers around his cock just a little too hard. “you’re lying.”

in an instant, his hand was dipped between her legs. he took a few seconds to run his fingers through what his tongue was all to familiar with, giving her clit a couple gentle flicks, for good measure. continuing to toy around for a few more seconds, he suddenly located her entrance and quickly added two fingers, making her inhale sharply, in both pleasure and surprise.

the softness of her pussy lips paled in comparison and she was oh so deliciously wet, but he knew that she could do better, so he curled his fingers slightly searching for what made her tick. after finding and repeating the move he found to make her shake her hips ever so slightly a couple of times, he took his fingers out, bringing it between their faces.

“taste it.”

amelia reached closer to max’s fingers painfully slow. locking anew her look with his, she stuck her tongue out and kept it hanging from her mouth until she tasted herself. she took a long lick of his fingers and then, in a swift motion, took them inside her mouth. she used her lips and her tongue to clean his fingers off her juices, eyes filled with an innocent look which drove max insane because she knew exactly what she was doing and there was nothing innocent about it.

“is this you asking if you can take me in your mouth?”

she didn’t reply, she just winked at him, lowering herself, getting to eye level with his crotch.

before he knew it, he was sure that she was doing to the spoon and his fingers she was now doing to his cock. the thought was enough to make him twitch inside her mouth. forcing himself to relax, he sighed and let his muscles drop. he closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of her lips wrapped firmly against his length, her tongue darting all over the head, making sure to taste it all.

amelia’s hands didn’t stay idle; she gripped his thigh for stability with one, nails digging into his skin, while her other one covered what her mouth couldn’t.

max couldn’t be sure for how long she was in front of him, sucking him quite expertly, he could say, but he’d be lying; the expression he was looking for was more along the lines of better than he expected, even though his expectations never fell under than that. and if not that, then best he’s ever had would cut it. but then again, all of that was just details, as was the time. it could be standing still or rushing past them, it wouldn’t matter. all that mattered was to feel her until he had his fill.

“do you want me to cum in your mouth?” he hissed as he felt his orgasm build up. she didn’t react, other than looking up at him and maintaining eye contact, while crossing her tongue around his head.

“we can stop, you know.” escaped another hiss from his lips, unsure of whether he’d gotten a yes or a no in his question, holding himself back as best he could, nearing closer to the edge with each passing millisecond.

with a throaty groan -the vibrations of which max could feel send a shiver down his spine-, amelia broke eye contact and started working harder on his cock. in his book that was a yes. a hell yes. a satisfied smile formed in his mouth as he reached down to grab a handful of hair by the root. he made sure to tug just hard enough and then reward her with a soft caress before resuming tugging.

he felt his orgasm build even more intensely than before, and in a few seconds he, no she, let him explode in her mouth. slowly she got up, releasing her head from his hand, and looked him in the eye before swallowing discreetly and licking her lips ever so slightly. with his body on autopilot, max closed the distance between them and then some, pinning her against the tree and kissing her with a new fire burning in his stomach. his tongue still had her taste while hers had his, and the combination was heavenly.

he sensed her pulling away and reluctantly, he let her.

“condom?” her voice was hoarse and low.

max immediately sobered up and frantically searched for his wallet; he must have one stashed in there somewhere.

“don’t get your knickers in a twist” he heard her voice again, along with a small laugh. he stopped fumbling as soon as she reached down for her bag and had one in hand in just a few seconds. how could she be so calm and collected? she would definitely use his lack of composure to get back to him, it was just a matter of time and he knew it.

she gave him the condom and he wore it as discreetly as he could, taking comfort in the fact that there wouldn’t be as much of need for him to be discreet, but for her.

he pushed down her panties, dropping them to her ankles and then turned amelia around with a sudden and quick grab of her arm, her back now facing him. her hands reached out just in time, just as he expected her to; ready. and just like that, he slid inside her with ease.

once he was inside her, he felt all inhibitions abandon him. hands kept a firm hold of her hips, eyes fixed on the curve of her back. it didn’t take long for him to go feral at all. allowing amelia only a couple of seconds to adjust while he familiarised himself with how she felt around his cock, in contrast to around his fingers. his body was now in control as he thrust with quick and deep moves, almost curious to see just how deep he could go.

he heard her breath align with his thrusts, and from simple exhales go to sighs and from sighs to the softest of moans. needing to hear more of her, he released his right hand from her hip, reaching up to the curve of her neck, pulling her head upwards, resting it against his shoulder. his mouth was now right next to her ear and almost daring her to moan for him.

she breathed in again and instead of just the breath leaving her mouth, so did another moan. instantly his right hand snaked over her neck reaching for her left breast, making sure to apply just the smallest bit of pressure in his forearm, against her throat.

“didn’t i. say. not. a fucking. sound?” he accented every part of his sentence with a considerably slower and more forceful thrust and a graze against her nipple, as his fingers squeezed around it, making it just a little bit harder for her to stay completely quiet. his words, should she listen to them, would bring him less of her. but if there was one thing he was known for, was consistency.

but she didn’t even try. she kept tickling his ear with her moans, so he decided to take it one step further. continuing with his slowed pace, he let go of her hip, reaching out for her pussy. exploring her folds, he found her clit and run gentle and rhythmic circles over it, making sure to keep pressing on her neck and playing with her nipple.

he continued for a few moments, allowing her to relax in his touch, letting her back hit his chest.

“do you like that?” he said softly, his breath hot on her cheeck .

“mhmm” she muttered between increasingly louder sounds and audible gasps.

that’s all he needed. max pulled away his hands, keeping his steady rhythm, slithering them down her arms and on her waist.

“not until you stay quiet” he said through gritted teeth. he almost hoped for a whimper to escape her throat and it would be a shame to not have his arm still around it to feel it, but no such thing ever came. all the reaction he got from her was a twitch of her hips and her small sounds turning back to almost even breaths.

he smiled and half a chuckle left his lips. he kept going, enjoying the feeling of her pussy sucking in his cock, certain that her juices were flowing around him. after god knows how long, he realised that he’d lost himself in a trance, and no sound from amelia to break it.

“hm. that’s my good girl.” he said with a hint of pride lacing his voice and a small smile forming. he decided that they both waited long enough for her to cum and resumed his hands in their earlier positions: right hand over her throat, bringing that small pressure back, palm on her left tit, fingers toying with the nipple. his left hand was once again focused on her clit, finding the rhythm that made her gasp and break her silence. he heard her immediately suck in her breath, scared that he might have heard and take his hands away again.

another small, throaty laugh escaped max’s throat at her reaction. there was no way he’d tell her that it would be okay to let go a little now that he was touching her again, this was about her at the end of the day. if amelia wanted to make it harder on herself just because, he wouldn’t interfere.

a short while later, it seemed like amelia had enough, as her breaths became more and more shallow, until she was very clearly inhaling in sharp gasps and exhaling even sharper, slowly morphing into now familiar small and barely audible moans; music to his ears. he smiled as he reached down to suckle on her neck, surprisingly careful to not leave a mark.

it didn’t take long for her to come undone in his arms. with very little warning, he felt her cunt spasm around him, her back arching. he saw her close her eyes. he heard her release the most satisfying and satisfied sound.

when her orgasm started to subside, she rode it out on his dick, rolling her hips along with his movements and reached behind to grab his waist, making sure to let her fingers run along the side of his chest and abdomen.

her soft caress and the softer noise topped with her orgasm fading out around him was enough to send him over the edge again. he held on to her tightly, as he tried to control his body as much as possible, remembering that anyone could pass by at any time. but that only made him cum harder.

once his own orgasm was starting to subside, he found the strength to pull out of her. as he took off the condom and tied its end, she turned around, her chest centimetres away from his.

“want more?” he asked, a gleam in his eye.

“you can go again?” not only did she not answer his question, and she also had the nerve of raising her eyebrow.

“last chance, amelia.” he growled. “do you want more?” he knelt down, bringing his face a breath away from her pussy. he gave her a long lick. “god, you taste so good and you’re so wet. you’ve been a very good girl for me, amelia.” he said, looking up, sure that his words would press her buttons.

“i don’t need you to make me cum again.”

“good girls get what they need. but bad girls get what they want, isn’t that right?” he paused, enjoying the confused look on her face. “so, do you want more? don’t make me repeat myself a fourth time.”

“or what?” she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

“that’s for me to know and for you to find out.” he said before burying his face between her silky thighs again, only coming up for air. “so are you a good girl, or a bad girl?” he asked, squeezing her leg for emphasis of his patience running out.

“i’m both.” she replied shakily.

“and what do you think little brats like you get?”

“your face between my legs.” she muttered, careful not to be heard.

instantly he sent his hand to play with her, keeping his face purposely just far enough. after a few moments of his index and middle finger working inside her, his thumb explored her lips and clit out of tempo, earning him a frustrated groan and a buck of her hips, attempting to get closer to his face. another small win.

allowing her to be tortured for just a little longer, max enjoyed the sight of her biting down on her lips, exhaling sharply, trying to contain the sounds escaping from her throat, eyebrows furrowed.

when he finally decided to give in, amelia didn’t waste a second; her hands reached for his head, keeping it in place. his fingers were still inside her while his tongue met the same rhythm, her hips grinding on his face following shortly after.

lapping hungrily at her cunt, unable to get enough of her taste, max almost didn’t realise it when she came. his only indication was a new wave of her wetness and her hips slowing down, but max didn’t think much of it. he wasn’t done with her yet, so he kept going.

before long, her hips were picking up the pace once again, more forcefully this time around, her thighs forcing his head into place, still, and it felt even better than be imagined so he couldn't help but lose himself in the sensation. his fingers were still playing with the sweet spot they’d found inside of her and his tongue kept contact with her pussy, but other than that, he stayed completely still. after a few movements of her hips, he felt her thighs crushing his head but he didn’t stop; she was on the edge, there was no way he’d let anything stop him from licking her clean. soon, her small spasms became more frequent until they became one longer one, cunt rubbing shamelessly against his lips, a small scream escaping from hers.

he stopped moving and refused to do anything until he knew she was satisfied. he looked up, waiting for amelia to open her eyes so he would know. the second she met his gaze, she gave him a smile and nodded, and that was his cue. with careful moves, he pushed her shorts and panties up from her knees, planting kisses on her legs and then, he pulled away, pulling his own pants up.

“where’s the condom?” came her voice in a breathless whisper.

“dunno. around here somewhere, i guess.” he replied, not really able to follow, but still looking around for it.

“you need to throw it away.” she continued, buttoning up her shorts and fixing her shirt.

“it’s your condom!”

“exactly, i did my half of the job, now you do yours.” she said reaching down and picking it up, having found it.

“i think i did my half by fucking you.” he carried on his defensive tone.

“oh please” she extended her hand, the used condom dangling from her fingers.

“you’re being ridiculous!”

“and you’re being a child!”

“oh for fuck’s sake!” he took it from her hand, and walked away, trying to find a trash bin, not bothering to dwell on the triumphant smirk on her face. “happy now?”

amelia picked up her bag from the ground and met him halfway.

“sure, you’re decent.” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“i think making you cum three times deserves something more than decent.” he kissed her again, making her sigh into his mouth, proving his point. “thought so.”

“fine.” she sighed. “max,” sex was dripping from her voice just from uttering his name, sending a jolt from his brain straight down to his cock. “you were the best. thank you for making me cum so hard and for letting me suck on your cock and taste your cum.”

he kissed her again, hungrily, fingers laced in her hair, biting her lower lip and then running his tongue over it before meeting hers.

“good girl.” he smiled against her lips, pulling away ever so slightly.

“was that enough to stroke your fragile, male ego?” her fingers played with the collar of his shirt, tingling him whenever they made contact with his skin. her voice was soft, but her tone was razor sharp, contrasting the blush creeping up her cheeks.

“why are you insisting so hard on accepting the fact that you’re being such a good girl for me?”

“because good girls don’t fuck strangers in public places.” came her reply, simple and unapologetic.

“we’re not strangers. you know me. i’m an entitled bastard with anger issues. and i know you. you’re a loud-mouthed, disobedient and independent brat with a secret praise kink.”

“some couple we are.” she scoffed and pulled away, not denying a word he said. “how’s that anger thing going for you, anyway?”

“better now, thanks.” he gave her a small wink and for the first time during their evening together did he notice the passage of time. it had to have gotten pretty late, considering how dark the sky was and how he couldn’t hear anything but the sound their synchronised footsteps made on the gravel as they walked back.

he should be getting back, resting, preparing for the weekend ahead. but a few more minutes couldn’t hurt, right?

he lead her back to their bench, and sat down. amelia surprised him by sitting down next to him and snuggling up to his chest, resting her head against him. instinctively almost, his arm reached around her shoulders, holding her closer, leaving absentminded strokes of his fingers along her arms.

they didn't speak for a while, and max had a strange feeling. he was feeling… serene, in a way he'd almost forgotten how, so he stayed there, emptying his mind of any thought that wasn't her, enjoying having her in his arms, for however long that would last.

"will i see you again?" amelia broke the silence but not their contact.

“probably not, but doesn’t that make it better?” his question was rhetorical, he didn’t expect an answer, nor did he get one. there was a mutual understanding: they knew that leaving things as they are protects them both. he didn’t get to know her better and neither did she; there was nothing to tarnish and eat away at what they had, no matter how brief. both of them knew just enough to make this a fun and pleasant memory.

she nuzzled closer to him and he smiled, against his better judgement. he wasn’t one to smile at intimacy. it was something entirely unfamiliar, but it was… it was a good ending. soon her breathing became even and heavy. max glanced down at amelia and found her sleeping soundly. in his arms. was she really that reckless or did she feel that safe? and what was the difference between the two?

he reached out and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. this shouldn’t go on and it had already dragged on more than it should, or more than it did normally for him, anyway. that didn’t mean that he had to ruin it for her as well.

“wake up, princess. it’s time to go home.”

--------------------

if anyone's interested in more filth, you can find part two here <3

#and they were roommates!!! is my first published smut fic #this came first and took like 5 months to complete #heh #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen smut #max verstappen imagine #formula 1 smut #f1 #formula one smut #formula one fic #formula 1 fic #f1 smut #f1 imagine #f1 x you #f1 x reader #original named female character #f1 x y/n

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mysticaldeanvoidhorse · 3 months

Text

Together Always

Gally x Reader

The Maze Runner

Part 2

You had been there a week, and had spent a few days at each job trying to figure out what you would do. Today was the day you would be working with the builders. You couldn’t help but be nervous, not knowing if you were any good at it but mostly hoping you would be able to impress Gally, or at least not embarrass yourself in front of him. You had found that you wanted to impress him more than the others and though it was early, you knew you were having feelings for this particular Keeper. You knew that wasn’t a good thing, knowing it wasn’t a good idea to have feelings for any of the boys but especially this one; mainly because you knew he would never feel the same. He was so closed off and hardly seemed to notice you even existed. However that would change since he would be overseeing you today.

At breakfast, you went to sit next to Newt, who quickly became your closest friend. You realized everyone liked him and you weren’t surprised at all.

“Hey Newt,” You greeted, sitting down across from him.

“Hey Y/N, ready to try out a new task?” He asked.

“Not really, I feel like I will somehow mess up” You laughed, trying to hide your nerves. The truth was you weren't nervous about any other task, knowing if it wasn’t a fit you would find something else. This particular task had more at stake.

“You’ll be fine, besides Gally won’t let you do anything too stupid. He is pretty good at making sure everyone stays safe.” As if appearing out of nowhere, Gally had just shown up.

“Talking about me, Newt?” You quickly turned to see him standing next to you.

“Yep, just reassuring your mentee that you won’t let her screw up too badly.” You shot him a bored look.

“Nah, I’ll make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone. Mostly worried she will hurt herself.” You couldn’t tell if he was completely joking or not.

“Hey, I am not that bad!” You faked being hurt.

“Guess we will see.” Gally smirked at you. His intense stare still had you weak in the knees and you were glad you were sitting down already.

“Guess you will have to keep a close eye on her.” Newt said, though you were too busy to see him and Minho exchange a knowing look.

“I guess so.” Gally said, not breaking eye contact.

After breakfast Gally had brought you to the worksite that was surprisingly farther away from the main area than you had expected.

“We will start with something small. Do you know how to use a hammer?”

“Honestly, I don’t remember ever using one, but I think I have the main idea.” You wanted to be honest, but also didn’t want to look dumb.

“Cool, well, take this nail, and hammer these two boards together.” You grabbed the hammer.

“Are you going to watch me do it?” You asked, when he folded his arms and stared at you.

“Yes.” Was all he replied. You just rolled your eyes and did as he asked.

“How did I do, boss?” You said sarcastically, knowing you had done a decent job. Afterall, it wasn’t rocket science.

“Just making sure you’re competent.” He said, grabbing the hammer from you.

“Wow, with compliments like that you might make a girl swoon.” You joked. He just stared blankly at you. “Geeze, tough crowd.” You said lightheartedly.

“Follow me, we will work on something a little harder.”

“Sounds good.” You said, following him. You wanted to be his friend at the very least and you could tell you weren't off to a great start. You would just stick to talking only when necessary.

The rest of the morning went well, and you were proud of what you were able to do. Lunchtime came and you walked over with the rest of the builders, minus Gally. He continued to finish what he was working on. You admired his work ethic.

“How did the morning go?” Newt asked once he sat next to you.

“Not too bad, I haven’t created any major calamities yet.” You joked and he laughed.

“I don’t think Gally likes me that much though.” You confessed and he looked at you surprised.

“Why do you say that?”

“I think I am a nice person” You started.

“Obviously.”

“But I don’t think my jokes or efforts to reach out are well received.” Newt seemed to think about that.

“Why do you think that?”

“Well he just seems like he tolerates me at best, and seems like he can’t get away from me fast enough. So I just decided to not talk so much. Just do what I am told.”

“I think he just doesn’t know what to say. He has always been a little awkward like that, but especially with a girl around his whole personality changes. He isn’t a bad guy he just is rough around the edges and you are trying to break those walls down.. I don't think he knows what to do with that.” You thought about that.

“I guess that makes sense. I just don’t want him to not like me.”

“And why is that?” He gave you a knowing look.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked a little too defensively.

“It just seems like you are trying hard to be on his good side.”

“Well of course. He is my boss for the day so I want to make a good impression.” You reasoned.

“Well I don’t think that is your problem.”

“Then what is?” Before he could reply, you saw Gally walking up to the food line, subconsciously grabbing his shirt to wipe his face. You were not upset by the glimpse of his abs he granted you with the action.

“You okay Y/N? Looks like you got a little drool there.” Minho teased you. You turned red.

“Shut up Minho.”

“Oh someone is a little defensive,” he joked.

“It’s just because you didn’t give me the same show, so I had to look elsewhere.” You joked.

“I know you are in love with me, I am sorry I am driving you into the arms of another man.” He faked seriousness. You gagged causing Newt to laugh.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the maze?” You asked.

“Yes, but Alby needed something today so I am here, lucky you.”

“You’re a runner right?” He nodded. “So run along then.” You rolled your eyes.

“Sounds like you are annoying our Greenie here.” Gally said behind you. Shuck this boy was more stealthy than you would like.

“Nah, she can’t get enough of me.” Minho joked.

“Not convincing.” Gally said, sitting next to you. You were not upset that he had taken to sitting next to you since you arrived. At least that was what you let yourself think since you couldn’t be sure he didn’t always sit here before you arrived.

“More like I get too much of this guy.” You said to Gally. He smirked.

“Ouch, that really hurts. And you just said you were in love with me.”

“When did I ever say that?” You deadpanned.

“Well, when you were ogling Gally, you said it was only because - ouch!” Newt hit him. Your eyes went wide. Gally turned to you.

“What is he talking about?” A look of amusement on his face.

“Do I ever know what he is saying?” You played off, not able to keep looking at him.

“That’s true.” He said, not entirely convinced.

“Minho just saw you with your shirt lifted and tried to play it off as me looking and not the fact that he was checking you out himself.” You joked.

“Well that makes more sense. I knew Minho had less than honorable intentions towards me.” You stopped and looked at him.

“Was that a joke? Did I actually hear your joke?” He gave a sheepish smile.

“I guess so.”

“Well I am glad that you are finally able to joke around me. I thought I was annoying you with my sense of humor.” You said half seriously. He leaned over slightly.

“Not at all, I enjoy it actually. I just don’t always know how to respond. No one is as happy and lighthearted as you, it is something to get used to.” You just looked at him. “I don’t mean that as a bad thing” He said quickly. “I just am not a funny guy, not like Minho or even Newt.” He said the last part a little bit harsher.

“You don’t have to be. Then you wouldn’t be Gally.” You smiled at him and he smiled back. “Besides, I am just glad that I haven’t freaked you out.”

“Did you think you had?” He asked.

“Well, kinda. I mean, whenever I joke around, you just look at me like I have grown two heads so I thought you figured I was crazy.” You played with the food on your plate, hoping to hide your nerves.

“There’s something different about you.”

“Well I am not a guy, there’s that.” He rolled his eyes.

“Obviously. Besides that. You are so refreshing around here. You are a light in the dark…” He trailed off.

“You think so?” You prodded, softly.

“You’re pretty great, Y/N.” You took a moment to stare into his eyes. He was so beautiful it hurt.

“But that can’t be a shock, everyone here likes you a lot. A little too much” He slightly frowned at the last part.

“I’m just glad you like me.” He looked at you, trying to find a lie but he didn't and wouldn’t.

“Yea- yeah. You’re a good friend.” He smiled and backed away slightly. You tried to not be hurt. You should just be glad at how much he opened up to you just now. He may never feel the same, but at least you knew he didn’t hate you. Progress.

After lunch you went back to work, and you ended up helping some other builders while Gally got called away. You found that though you weren’t incredibly strong, having smaller hands and being able to fit into tighter spaces helped in more ways than you thought. However, that got you into more dangerous scenarios, like the one you found yourself in. There was an old building that needed a plank fixed and there weren’t any ladders nearby. So to help you were ‘volun-told’ to get up onto a 2x4 and reach awkwardly to try and fix the beam. As long as you didn’t overreach you would be fine. You wanted to help and show them that you could do whatever they could, if not more since you were the only one small enough to reach. You took a deep breath and climbed up. It wasn’t incredibly high, but if you fell, it would hurt. You managed to stay focused, asking for the tools you would need from one of the boys behind you. You were almost finished when you heard it.

“What the shuck is going on here?” Uh oh. Gally.

“She could fit, it needed to be fixed.”

“Not that way! No one should be up there like that, especially her!” You quickly finished and handed the tools back to whoever would quickly take them. Gally came up under you.

“What are you doing?” He half yelled.

“Trying to fix this beam.” You told him as calmly as you could.

“Why are you on a flimsy board and not a ladder? That shuck thing won’t hold you. Get. Down. Now!” He sounded panicked.

“It’s okay Gally, I am finished, I am getting down now.” You tried to tell him reassuringly, but because you were distracted your foot got caught and you slipped. You managed to stay right side up, holding onto the board. Shuck it, the only way down was to let go. So you did. You expected it to hurt, but you landed in some strong arms. Looking up you saw it was Gally. You couldn’t appreciate being in his arms because his face was fuming. If steam could come out of his ears it would.

“Are you shucking kidding me?” He wasn’t really asking.

“Gally, I am sorry but I thought I could fix it quickly.”

“I don’t need to hear excuses. You should never have been up there in the first place. On a flimsy board, not even tied down, no ladder. What were you thinking?”

“I fixed it, I am okay, I-” But he cut you off.

“You weren’t thinking. Use that shuck head of yours, you could have gotten yourself killed!”

“I wouldn’t have died, Gally. At worst, a broken arm or something, but that didn’t happen.” You tried to remain calm but your patience was wearing thin.

“That’s because I caught you. You need to think! You are smarter than that.” He said the last part no longer yelling. It was at this moment you both realized that he was still holding you tightly. He slightly released his grip but not enough to let you move away. “Are you hurt?” He asked.

“No. And the beam is fixed.” He didn’t say anything, just kept looking at you with those beautiful eyes. After a second, “Everything is fine. The beam is fine, I am fine. You are fine, right?” You asked after a second, putting your hand on his chest. His heart was beating fast still, but he had calmed down slightly.

“You’re asking if I am alright? After you fell?” He asked incredulously. You just shrugged.

“I could have hurt you, and you seemed pretty upset. Just checking you are okay too.” He couldn’t seem to process that. He just nodded once. “Okay, well I am going to let you calm down and put away my stuff.” You pushed him back slightly and he held onto you for a second before releasing you. It was quitting time and you wanted to be anywhere but there. You didn’t know what just happened, but you didn't like being yelled at by Gally, especially in front of everyone after doing him a favor.

After you walked away, Gally knew he messed up. He was really concerned and he didn’t know where these feelings came from. And it scared him. But what scared him most was the idea that you could have gotten hurt. And it would have been his fault, on his watch. And he would never forgive himself for that. But he yelled at you and he hated himself for it. His feelings for you were intense and they scared him. He just hoped he hadn’t scared you away.

#the maze runner #the scorch trials #the death cure #tmr gally #TMR #TMR fanfiction #gally maze runner #gally x y/n #gally x you #gally x reader #gally imagine #together always

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the-boy-meets-evil · 1 year

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tell me how it got this way | ch. 6

pairing: jungkook x f.reader, hoseok x f.reader genre: fwb to lovers/friends to lovers, love triangle | non-idol!au, angst, smut, est. relationships rating: 18+, minors dni warnings: mentions of past issues (so brief), lots of kissing, explicit smut (seriously minors DNI), fingering (f. receiving), orgasm denial (f. receiving), unprotected vaginal sex (they've talked about it previously but don't do this), slight marking, begging, mentions of multiple orgasms, cream pie kinda, mention of oral sex (f. receiving), mention of shower sex, mention of bathroom sex, mingyu makes an appearance as the shithead roommate, i think that's it? word count: ~9.7k (idk what to say, it got away from me)

a/n: SHE IS FINALLY DONE! this is the fic that completely got away from me, ended up being much harder to finish than i imagined, and went some place completely different from the original idea. this was definitely not the ending i imagined, but sometimes you just have to go with what feels natural rather than forcing something that doesn't. i hope you enjoy it and sorry for the length.

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With a new day also comes the realization that you don’t get another pass. Today you don’t get to just tell people you don’t want to talk about the conversation with Hoseok and actually have them respect that. It’s time for you to start figuring out what it is that you feel and process your emotions. To use Jimin’s words, you need to start acting like an adult that’s published multiple books and earned a streaming deal. Which is kind of terrifying. All you want to do is pull the covers over your head and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

You’re seriously considering that when you roll over to your side and Jungkook isn’t there anymore. And your feelings about him being gone are complicated. The rational part of you knows that he has his own life, his own things to do, he doesn’t owe you his free time. But, it was really nice just to fall asleep cuddled up with him, no sex or talking, just comfort. It’s also a little gut-wrenching to think he might have left without a word. That’s no who you are, is it?

Then Jungkook walks back into the room, still in just his briefs, with a mug in each hand. You sit up with a smile and accept the cup when he hands it over to you. It smells amazing, which isn’t a surprise. This man is good at everything, including something as simple as making the perfect cup of coffee. Surprisingly, though, he never takes the credit. Just reminds you that it’s easy to make good coffee when you’ve got a full coffee bar in your apartment. And because Jungkook is a saint, he tells you that he’s ordered breakfast from your favorite place.

For all the time you and him spend together, it feels like it’s been ages since you had a day like this: both free from work or other plans, a full day just to be lazy together. You don’t even have to talk about it, you know you’re both on the same page when he asks if you have anything to do and says he doesn’t either. Seems really happy to be able to spend the day with you too.

Okay, so maybe you did sneak an extra day of not having to talk about your feelings after all. It’s not like you were going to answer text messages when you were with Jungkook and it wasn’t like he asked about it either. Which suited you just fine.

Today, though, you agree to go see Yoongi and Jimin. Without the special guest this time, because you really do want to figure out how you were feeling. And to do that, you really needed to take him out of the equation. As amazing as he is as a friend on top of everything else, this just isn’t fair. It’s not fair to ask for advice now. Besides, Jungkook has been at your place since two nights ago and Mingyu, his roommate, is getting whiny. Not that it’s unusual, but it does mean Jungkook should go home.

You suggest going to Yoongi and Jimin’s apartment since they’re both there, which annoys Jimin since he was excited to get out of the house. Even if it was only to come to your apartment. Your offer to bring coffee and pastries, anything he wants, which quiets him back down again. There’s also a strategy in it. Part of you isn’t entirely sure what your friends are going to say and going to their apartment gives you the chance to run, if you need to.

You don’t, thankfully.

Both listen intently as you relay your memories from the conversation the previous day. Jimin, as usual, interjects more than Yoongi does. He wants to know things about Hoseok’s body language, facial expressions, if he leaned in or fidgeted in his seat. And just as usual, Yoongi lets his boyfriend pepper you with questions throughout the story, only listening intently. It makes you a little nervous, though, because you know that he’s going to have something to say and you’re really not sure what it’s going to be.

“I think this is a good thing,” Yoongi finally says, even earns an eyebrow raise from Jimin.

“You do?” both you and Jimin ask together.

“I do,” Yoongi responds. “Even if you haven’t been talking about it, this fight with him and losing that friendship has been hanging over your head for the past 5 years.”

“He has a point,” Jimin agrees.

“I remember when we met, it couldn’t have been much after the fight, I’d say a year max,” Yoongi starts and you nod. “I didn’t know what happened except that there was this pain completely covering you.”

“Wow, thanks Yoon,” you say, sarcasm kicking in as a defense.

“Will you just…listen?” he asks. There’s something in his tone that makes you roll your lips together and nod. “You wore the pain like armor, still do sometimes, but wouldn’t it be nice to not have to anymore? Wouldn’t it be nice to be free?”

“Yeah, I mean of course it would,” you say, letting out a sigh in the process.

“You’ve got that chance,” Yoongi says. “Jimin and I can’t tell you what you feel…”

“Though I’m happy to offer opinions,” Jimin interjects, only to be silenced by a look from Yoongi.

“But you have a chance to get closure, real closure, and move forward from one of the worst things you went through,” Yoongi says. “So figure out what you feel and talk to them both.”

“Both?” The surprise is clear in your voice and on your face.

“Oh honey,” Jimin says almost like he’s pitying you. “Jungkook?”

“I’m not sure…” you start and Jimin is even quicker to cut you off.

“I don’t wanna hear about how it’s just casual or you’re not actually in a relationship because it’s bullshit,” Jimin says. Which catches you off guard, a bit, because he doesn’t usually swear like that in your direction.

“I know things have gotten deeper,” you concede.

“He was worried about you the other night, when we went out,” Jimin admits and you realize you never actually asked Jungkook about the text. “He texted me…”

“When did you get his number?” Yoongi asks and Jimin smiles.

“Aww is my Yoonie jealous?” Jimin taunts, earning nothing more than a huff in response.

“You know she’s my best friend, right?” Yoongi grumbles under his breath.

“Yes, my grumpy little cat, I know she’s your best friend. We exchanged numbers a while ago because I put him in touch with someone I knew about a job,” Jimin says and continues before either you or Yoongi can ask any questions about the vague answer. “Anyway, he texted me after he’d texted you a few times. Just wanted to make sure you were okay and nothing had gone wrong. I told him we were out and things were fine, but that I was sure you wouldn’t mind if he went over anyway.”

Not what you were expecting. Although you’re not sure what you really expected. The whole thing has been different than you were expecting.

“Since he has a key and we do not,” Jimin adds and you laugh.

“Yoongi does have a key,” you say and laugh harder when Jimin playfully smacks the older man.

“It’s for emergencies, Jiminie,” Yoongi reasons, unbothered.

“I’m gonna need my own key, then,” Jimin says.

“Anyway,” Yoongi adds, trying to reign in the chaos. “Yes, both. You deserve the chance to get closure with Hoseok and move forward. But Jungkook also deserves to know where exactly you and him stand.”

It’s a completely fair point, entirely understandable to lay it out like that. Only one problem. You really don’t have any idea about the answer. Despite admitting this, Yoongi stands firm that Jimin can’t help because you need to work it out on your own. Can’t even offer his thoughts or a little suggestion. Yoongi puts his foot firmly down. And he’s right, isn’t he? This isn’t something for them to figure out. This is your life and they’re your relationships. You can’t have someone else tell you how to feel.

You take the time that you haven’t given yourself to process. Time to sit alone with yourself and your thoughts, no distractions or outside opinions. It’s not as scary as you thought it would be. There’s a strange kind of comfort in it. Maybe that’s a sign you’ve grown. Not a lot, there’s no need to go crazy, but at least enough to examine where you are.

In the past, it might’ve taken you weeks, or even months, to process your feelings. Largely because you never actually stopped to process them. Now that you’re actually giving yourself the time and space, it’s only a couple of days. Well, it’s not that you think you’ve figured it all out. You just know Yoongi was right. You need to talk to Jungkook and you need some form of closure with Hoseok. Since you haven’t seen Jungkook in a few days, you figure inviting him over will at least get you moving.

The best thing about Jungkook, and there is a lot to pick from, is that he always goes with the flow that you set. He’s supportive and kind and caring without being overbearing. The problem with that, though, is you never really noticed when the roles changed. Never noticed how much more observant he became. Never noticed that you know him as well as yourself. Never noticed that you depend on him more than anyone.

He listens to everything you have to say, keeps his face carefully neutral while you relay the conversation you had days ago with Yoongi and Jimin. If he feels any kind of way about you processing without including him, he doesn’t show it. His face is thoughtful, at times, but you’re not entirely sure what he thinks. There’s something for a second when you say that you had to figure out what your feelings for Hoseok are. And it’s gone just as quickly.

“You know he’s the reason nothing has ever worked, right?” Jungkook asks and you look for some sign he’s upset or hurt.

“I’ve always said that. That him throwing our friendship aside has made it hard to trust people,” you respond automatically.

“That’s not what I meant.” His voice is soft and low.

You want to look down and avoid his eyes, but something keeps your eyes on his. Maybe it’s that you don’t know exactly what’s going to happen now that he’s said it aloud. Maybe it’s wondering if this is the last time you’re going to see that warm smile directed at you, the one that always makes you want to smile in return. You don’t know if everything is going to change.

You do know exactly what he means, though. You’ve known since Hoseok appeared back in your life. And maybe it’s not exactly what you expected. Hoseok’s sudden reappearance meant dealing with a lot of emotions and pain that were unclear 5 years ago. Emotions that are both clearer now and still not crystal clear. But struggling internally is very different than having this person you care so much for pointing it out. It scares you. Just how much has Jungkook realized?

“I don’t know what to say, Kookie,” you admit, finally looking down. You pull your lower lip between your teeth.

In a second, he’s closing the gap between you and tilting your head gently up to meet his eyes. He smiles softly, the same as always. “There’s nothing to say, I get it.”

“How long have you known?” You have no idea why this is the question you ask in your hushed tone, but it somehow seems important.

Jungkook is quiet for a moment, like he’s thinking about what to say because he’s not usually one to say much unless he has time to think it through. This is different though. He seems to want to answer. “I guess, well I think I knew there was something when we first started hanging out. I was sure at that gala you brought me to.”

“I’m so sorry,” you repeat and he’s shaking his head.

“We’ve always known what this was, you and me, and it’s always been great,” Jungkook says and you start to open your mouth. You’re not actually sure that he realizes what you want to say. “Don’t worry. You never hurt me. Just don’t fuck it up now, okay?”

“What?”

Jungkook smiles again and shakes his head. “Tell him. Tell him for real this time, before it’s too late for you to say something, before he disappears to give us a chance.”

“To give...us? I don’t…” You’re sputtering the words out, so confused with not only what Jungkook is saying, but with your emotions as well. Your head is a mess again and you’re not really sure what you’re supposed to say. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.

“I could see it on his face, the last time I saw him, he thinks I’m good for you,” Jungkook says.

“You are,” you say. “You know me so much better than I ever realized, so much better than I think either of us planned.”

“I know I am and I know I’m also the only one you’ve let stay around for this long. It’s just time for you to take a chance at getting what you want, even if you’re scared,” Jungkook says. Part of you really wants to disagree and doesn’t. Chicken.

“Can I ask you something I have no right to ask?” you ask. Jungkook arches his eyebrow at your question, clearly intrigued, but possibly deciding if it’s a good idea.

“Sure,” he says, curiosity winning over.

“Were you seeing anyone else? Like while we were doing...whatever this was?” you ask. The answer somehow feels important to you. So much so that you hold your breath.

“Casually dating, I think is the word,” Jungkook offers.

“You’re cute, but I think we both know we sucked at casual,” you say and Jungkook chuckles.

“Did we?” Jungkook asks.

“I mean, yeah? Jungkook, you literally show up at my apartment with coffee or breakfast when I’m hungover. You have a key, for fuck’s sake. I’ve asked you to come to events with me. You bring me to events with you. We hang out and do things without it being sexual at all,” you say and he looks like he’s about to say something. “Which I love, to be clear. I wouldn’t change anything about how we’ve been.”

“I wouldn’t change it either,” Jungkook says and is thoughtful again for a moment. “No, though, I wasn’t.”

“You weren’t?” Somehow this surprises you, even with how bad you were at casual.

“Nah, it was just you,” he says and you nod. “How about you?”

“Please, I always was clear I wasn’t seeing anyone else,” you say.

The conversation is just so casual, so easy. You know you should be able to think of another word to describe things with him, but you can’t. He’s such a steady presence in your life that you’re not really sure how to go forward with his advice, even though you know he’s right. It’s weird to think you might have a Jungkook-sized hole in your life soon. He’s made himself at home and you’re not really sure you’re ready to lose that safety net.

But it’s not fair to anyone. It’s not fair to Jungkook, even if he says that he’s really not looking to be in something serious with labels and expectations. In the back of your mind, you do know that the two of you have basically been in a relationship for months without calling it that. This conversation with Hoseok is just one that you need to have. You know that there were more than just friendly feelings simmering beneath everything that happened. Not everyone gets closure, but you can and you’re going to try.

You’re nervous. Like really nervous. Like the kind of nervous where your leg is jiggling almost uncontrollably and you react every time the door opens. Okay, maybe that’s because you had entirely too much caffeine in your system. This had been the compromise though. Overly caffeinated was fine, apparently having a drink (or four, who’s counting) was a bad idea. You were internally cursing at taking Jimin’s advice on doing this sober. What did he know anyway?

(Jimin is in a happy relationship, you remind yourself, with someone you never thought would settle into something as easily as he had with Jimin. Okay, so maybe Jimin knows something, but you’d rather die before admitting that because he’s smug enough already, thank you very much.)

So yeah, the caffeine isn’t helping the nerves. Knowing Hoseok is on his way and you’re going to tell him how you used to feel is worse, though. You know there’s a part of you that has feelings for him now. You know that’s why you fell into bed with him. This seems like something he should know, or should have known. Or maybe he does know and he just hasn’t said anything. Feels bad about Jungkook. Which you do too, honestly.

No, you need to stay focused and you’re cursing yourself that the only time you can ever be early seems to be when you’re meeting Hoseok. It’s giving you too much time to think and re-think. Maybe you should just get up, text Hoseok that you’re sorry but something came up with the series and you’d have to catch him another time. (Which, you then remind yourself, is a terrible idea because one of Hoseok’s dance students is in the series so he could definitely tell Hoseok nothing came up. Ugh.)

And then he walks in, just walks through the door like there isn’t anything to worry about and nothing is going to change. Which maybe nothing will change for either of you, that thought has been on your mind constantly. Jungkook seems sure that Hoseok has feelings for you and seems sure that you have some kind of feelings for him. Maybe he’s right.

Hoseok’s smile upon seeing you sitting there is instant and genuine, that warm smile that’s always felt like it was only for his favorite people. Once upon a time, you knew you’d meant the world to him. Now? You aren’t sure.

As soon as he had a coffee of his own, he joined you, sitting down looking suddenly apprehensive and something else you can’t place. “It’s good to see you.”

“Thanks for coming to see me,” you say, not sure exactly how to act.

“I wasn’t sure, after that whole thing about the TV series,” Hoseok says and you sigh.

You apologize for that, because you know it wasn’t ever a serious thought that Hoseok would do something like that. He isn’t underhanded or calculating. Sure, he hurt you all those years earlier, but getting close to you again just to help someone get a role in a TV show? No. That wasn’t Hoseok. You’re falling over yourself to make sure he understands just how sorry you are for it. In typical Hoseok fashion, he accepts it easily.

“It was really bad timing,” Hoseok admits, “running into you out like that, us being drunk, ending up back at my place.”

“That wasn’t exactly what I signed up for,” you say.

“No, I know, and then with Jungkook, I know you said it wasn’t serious. But, I see how you and him are together. He’s good for you,” Hoseok says, kind of rambling in an uncharacteristic way.

“Yeah, he has been really good for me,” you say. “I guess…this has all been confusing and I’m not really sure what the future is for him and me.”

He’s surprised, clearly. He was sincere in saying how you and Jungkook were good together. You think you see something else too and you’re not sure what it is. When did you get so bad at reading his emotions? There was a time you knew his face better than your own.

“What happened?” Hoseok asks. “I don’t ever remember seeing you like that with anyone, even if I have missed years of your life.”

That gets a sigh out of you. “Jungkook is different. He’s kind and patient, listens even when my mouth can’t keep up with my brain, which seems to be a lot. He supports my mood swings while I’m writing. He’s really good at calming me down when I want to throw my computer out the window and quit writing.”

“Which also probably happens a lot,” Hoseok jokes and you can’t completely fight a laugh.

“I’d like to say it’s better now, but it’s not,” you concede.

“So why aren’t you sure?” Hoseok asks.

“Why did you pop back up?” you ask. “Why now?”

Hoseok lets you answer his question with a question.

“I don’t know,” Hoseok says and thinks about it. “I knew I made a mistake, that I fucked up for what I said then. I think, eventually, she knew it too. I couldn’t get why she was so threatened by our friendship, she couldn’t get why I didn’t get it. I had all this regret and I didn’t know how to apologize.”

“I’m sorry for being a dickhead is usually a good place to start,” you offer, and Hoseok levels you with a look. “Sorry.”

“We finally broke up and I wanted to call you the minute she left. I just felt like that would feel off? Like ‘hey, we just broke up, you were right and I’m sorry’ just felt lame,” Hoseok says.

“I want to say it wouldn’t have been, but I also don’t think I would’ve been in the right headspace to hear it,” you acknowledge.

“I figured,” Hoseok sighs. “So I waited, and then you had a book drop and some time went by. I was getting ready to reach out, when I looked at your Instagram. The last two posts were a super heartfelt post about a friend of yours that you referred to as your best friend and then a picture with some really attractive guy looking at you like you were his whole world.”

You thought you remembered the timeframe and who you’d been dating. Seokmin had been wonderful and beautiful and cared deeply for you, a feeling you weren’t able to return completely.

“The post with Yoongi, who I had to fight to even get pictures with for the record, must’ve been hard for you to see,” you acknowledge and Hoseok looks puzzled. “The one gushing about him being my best friend?”

“Oh, sure, that was the harder of the two,” Hoseok says and for one of the first times in your life, you feel like he’s lying.

“Still, though, if it’s when I’m thinking, I dated that guy like over a year and a half ago,” you say. “And, to be fair, it wasn’t as serious as it probably looked.”

“I just, I don’t know, I missed you. I was at my sister’s with her and her husband and I just, I missed you,” Hoseok said.

“I saw pictures from her wedding, she looked stunning,” you say and then, almost without a thought, “and so did you. I mean, you looked really handsome.”

The tips of Hoseok’s ears flushed a bit, another something out of character for him.

“She was so upset. She thought I’d have patched it up with you by then and you’d have been there. She nearly told me not to come unless you were there too,” Hoseok says.

“I missed you too,” you say and sigh because you know you have to just say it.

“I’m surprised you thought about me at all,” Hoseok says quietly.

“Well I tried not to, it worked a lot. Not nearly as much as I’d have liked. But artists are supposed to suffer, right?” You laugh a little without any humor. “Look, I have to put my cards on the table,” Hoseok says. “All those years ago, the things I was saying. I realized later I had it backwards. I’d been in love with you since we slept together that summer. I just, I didn’t really know what to do with my emotions and you were so sure about pretending it hadn’t happened. I’m so sorry for everything that I said and for everything that it put you through. I know it doesn’t make up for it now and I can accept that. I fucked up. Plain and simple. And I’d be willing to spend however long I needed to showing you that I’m so sorry. That’s why the relationship finally ended, though, she realized I was still in love with you. It wasn’t just that I felt bad for what I said, which I still do, it was that I couldn’t help from bringing you up, especially when anyone talked about you as a writer. I was still in love with you and she felt like she couldn’t compete.”

“What?” you ask, unable to form other words.

“I’m so sorry to dump this on you now,” Hoseok says and you sigh.

“You weren’t alone and she wasn’t entirely wrong,” you say and his eyes lock on yours. “I did have feelings for you back then, super complicated feelings that I didn’t really know how to process. Or even what they were.”

“You’re talking in the past tense,” Hoseok comments and you bite your lower lip.

“I am, aren’t I?” you ask idly.

“I’m too late,” Hoseok realizes and you look away.

“Hobi, I do have feelings for you, that drunken night wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t,” you say and chuckle. “We’re way too old to act like drunkenly falling into bed is meaningless.”

“No, I agree there,” Hoseok says. “But?”

“I think I just walked away from someone I shouldn’t have so we could have this conversation,” you say.

“I think you did too,” Hoseok admits after a moment and you can see how hard it is on him.

“You don’t get it though,” you say and shake your head. “It was never serious with Jungkook. Never something we labeled. He let me walk away to come talk to you. He encouraged it. He doesn’t want more with me.”

“Of course he did,” Hoseok chuckles. “What was he supposed to do?”

“Ask me to stay?” you ask and Hoseok looks amused.

“You don’t see the way he looks at you, at least the way he did at that Gala. It took me a long time to approach you because of it. I was already there when you and him walked in,” Hoseok says, which really catches you off guard. You’d assumed he was a late arrival or at least that he hadn’t seen you yet. “You were sighing and I could just imagine you talking about how much you didn’t want to be there, but his eyes just stayed on you. So fond. And then there’s the way he apparently looks at you when he shows up to the set.”

“How do you…?” you ask and then realize. “Chan, of course.”

“He didn’t know what he was doing, just mentioned a guy with tattoos that seemed crazy about you showing up pretty often,” Hoseok says. “Chan’s so obsessed with your work and so happy about the project. He was all starstruck talking about the guy that looked at you like you hung the moon while you were just drinking your coffee.”

“Yeah, well, I need my caffeine,” you say. What else are you supposed to say? Your brain wants to process it all and wants to believe it. It’s just, it goes against everything you thought you knew.

“We were too late and that’s something I have to live with. And maybe it’s for the best, we’re not 22 anymore,” he says. “But you don’t have to be too late for this.”

“I’m so sorry, but I have to go,” you say and rush out of the coffee shop.

Even though you spend a lot of time at your apartment, you still spend some time at Jungkook’s apartment too. The downside is just that he lives with a roommate. Not a downside really, because his roommate is great, it’s just that sometimes he complains about how single he feels around you and Jungkook. Which you didn’t really understand until now. It’s like now you can see exactly how you’ve been the entire time. You’re not sure how you missed it.

And it’s Mingyu that answers the door. You forgot that he’s like 7 feet tall as you’re looking up at him in the doorway. He looks confused for a second before he’s leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Long time, no see,” he says casually.

“I know, is Jungkook here?” you ask and he shakes his head.

“I thought you’d be with your new boyfriend,” Mingyu says and you frown at him. Frown because he didn’t answer your question. It doesn’t even occur to you that he wouldn’t know about Hoseok unless Jungkook was talking about it.

“Please, Mingyu, is he here?” you ask again.

Mingyu sighs and steps aside so that you can come in. “He’s not, but you can wait.”

“Do you know when he’s gonna be back?” you ask.

Mingyu opens his mouth, probably to say something sarcastic, and then stops himself. Which is weird. Weirder still, his face softens.

“I really wanna fuck with you, but I’m hoping that it’s a good thing that you’re here,” he says. “He legit just went around the corner to get coffee so he should be back really soon.”

“Thank you,” you say. And you mean it.

“Can I say something?” he asks, seems to be fighting with himself.

“You’ve never hesitated before,” you answer. Which is true, you don’t know Mingyu that well, but Jungkook’s roommate has never been shy around you.

“You mean a lot to him,” Mingyu says. “I know he’ll never come out and say it like that and he’d probably kill me for telling you, but you do. I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t do for you. I’ve known him for years and he’s never been like this about anyone.”

“Yeah, I think I’m realizing that,” you say, earning a smile from Mingyu.

“Just give him a shot,” Mingyu says.

He’s about to say something else when you both hear a key in the lock, both turn to look at the door when the handle turns, both watch to see the reaction of the man walking in.

“Gyu, I got you a coffee too even though you’re a complete…oh!” Jungkook says, catching sight of you in his living room. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, it’s just…well, I,” you start, tumbling over your words and miss Mingyu shaking his head.

“No, sorry, that came out wrong. I’m happy you’re here, I just figured you’d be with Hoseok,” Jungkook says and his face crinkles. “Don’t tell me that idiot turned you down.”

“Thanks for the coffee,” Mingyu interrupts. “I’m gonna head out, actually.”

“I thought we were…” Jungkook starts, adorably confused.

Mingyu only claps him on the shoulder. “Another time, trust me.”

“Can we sit?” you ask and Jungkook looks unsure but he nods.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get coffee for you too, I didn’t realize,” Jungkook starts.

“No, it’s fine, I definitely don’t need more caffeine,” you say.

He laughs, “well that’s a first.”

You take a deep breath and try not to watch the range of emotions on Jungkook’s face because you’re scared you’ll lose your nerve.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly to your hands.

“For what? Did he turn you down?” Jungkook asks. You can hear the protective side of him coming out.

You ignore the second question. “For everything that’s happened since that Gala I dragged you to. All the times you’ve had to pick up the pieces, all the times you’ve had to comfort me, all the advice you’ve had to give about another guy.”

“Oh,” Jungkook says softly. “Well, that’s okay.”

That makes you look up. “No, it’s not. You don’t deserve that. You don’t ever deserve to think that you’re anything less than amazing. I know I’ve made you feel like a second choice, like a back-up plan, you’re not.”

“Hey, life is complicated, right? I’m a big boy, I knew what I was getting into,” Jungkook assures you.

“Still though,” you say.

“What happened with…him?” Jungkook asks. It’s the first time his careful mask has slipped and it gives you hope. Hope you’re not sure you have a right to feel.

“He told me he did have feelings for me, both back then and now,” you say.

Jungkook, usually so composed with you, lets some of his frustration come through his next words. “So what are you doing here?”

It’s harsher than he usually speaks to you and you know you completely deserve it. You need to actually get the words out and let him make a decision for himself for once, without putting you first.

“I realized that it wasn’t him that I wanted,” you offer, so quietly that you’re scared he won’t hear. But he does, of course he does.

“I don’t…” Jungkook begins.

“I think my feelings towards him have always been complicated, tied up in how he was the first real friend I’d ever had. There’s a part of me that did feel some kind of love for him and definitely some kind of physical connection to him,” you say and pause. You need to take a breath to keep going. To steady your nerves. “It wasn’t until I was sitting across from him that I realized, I’m not 22 anymore. Maybe it would’ve been right then, maybe it wouldn’t. But it isn’t right now and I don’t wanna be chasing something from years ago. Love doesn’t have to be that complicated.”

“I…no, it doesn’t have to be complicated,” he agrees.

“So he realized he was too late and I realized it wasn’t him I should be talking to,” you say and look up into Jungkook’s soft brown eyes. You’re not even sure he’s breathing with how intently he’s watching you. And hopeful, so hopeful. “It’s you that I want, Jungkook, if I haven’t fucked this up so bad that you can’t…”

You don’t get to finish your words before his lips crash against yours. And the feeling is warm and comfortable and electric all at once. It’s right in a way nothing else has been before. He just fits together with you like it was always supposed to be this way.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you say between kisses. “I am so insanely sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”

“It’s okay,” he assures you, not wanting to break apart.

You have to pull away though, his face between your hands. “It’s not and I want you to know that you’re my first choice. This, right here with you, is all I need.”

“I know,” he says. “And fuck, I’m so happy you’re here. I know we have a lot to figure out but can we just…can we do it tomorrow? I just want today with you.”

How can you deny him that? After everything that’s happened between the two of you, you really do feel like this is the least you can do. He’s also far more perceptive than you’ve given him credit for, so maybe it’s okay to just follow his lead this time.

Kissing Jungkook now feels…different. Not bad, just new somehow. Which is kind of crazy because you’ve kissed him thousands of times over the months you’ve been together. There’s just something about your brain and your heart finally seeming to be on the same page that makes everything feel more. More feelings, more happiness, more excitement. You didn’t think that kissing someone could get any better. It has, though, and you’re not sure you’re going to be able to catch your breath if you keep going.

Another amazing thing about someone who knows you as well as Jungkook is that you don’t always need words. When he stands and grabs your hand, you follow him into his bedroom without even questioning it. You watch, eyes probably full of some nauseating level of affection, as he sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out for you. There’s an equal amount of affection as you let him pull you in and settle on his lap, one knee on either side of him pressing into the mattress.

There’s never really been a rush with Jungkook, at least not since the first few times. Yeah, there have been plenty of rushed times, but just as many slow. This is somehow different, just like the kiss. And that makes sense, doesn’t it? Because you have all the time in the world. All the time to be together and figure each other out even more. Jungkook may have the edge there.

His hands are firm on your hips, keeping you anchored in place, stopping you from rolling your hips against his for the friction you crave. The control is a stark contrast from the softness of his lips moving in time with yours and it’s making you a little dizzy. You really thought you knew this man inside and out, yet here he is surprising you again.

Even more dizzying is the realization that you’re in so much deeper than you ever thought. It’s more than just caring about him, even though you do, probably more than you’ve ever really cared about a partner. It’s this inescapable feeling of being safe and on the edge at the same time. Knowing that if you fall, he’s going to catch you. It’s so glaringly obvious that you see why your friends were so insistent that you include him in the equation.

Just when you think you might explode, Jungkook pulls apart from you and studies your face. His fingers graze along the skin at your waist, playing with the hem of your shirt. You nod and lift your hands up as he grips the hem to pull it over your head. His fingers are so light across your skin when he unclasps your bra and slides the straps away.

Gentle. He’s so gentle. Like he’s telling you that it’s okay, that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Like he’s not sure this is real. It is, though. As his lips move down your neck, you can’t help the sigh that escapes your lips. The trails his kisses down to your breast, slow and deliberate. The way his warm breath meets your skin makes you suck in a breath.

He’s always been generous, always wanted to be exactly what you wanted, but this feels like even more than that. It feels like a side of him you should’ve known and yet didn’t quite. It feels like a last little bit of him that had been tucked away, just waiting. And that’s kind of exciting, to think that someone you thought you already knew completely can still surprise you like this. It makes all those hangups you thought you had about relationships seem insignificant.

And he’s getting a side of you that is a little different, too. There’s something about him that makes you needy, but it’s never been like this. All you want is more of him, more of everything he’s doing. You try to take advantage when he’s not anchoring you quite so steadily, roll your hips against his. While you’re rewarded with a low groan, he also puts a hand firmly back on your hip to keep you from doing it again.

“Please Jungkookie,” you whine, finally relenting. You will absolutely beg if it gets you what you want.

His eyes study you, so full of affection that you might combust. You don’t even realize he’s slid his hands under your ass until he’s standing up and you gasp. It’s just for a moment, though, so he can lay you back onto his bed. Almost immediately, you go to remove your pants and his hands are on yours, stopping you before you even get to the button. The next second, he’s pinning you down, one hand holding both of yours above your head, the other swiftly undoing your pants. If this is the way you go, a squirming mess beneath this beautiful man, it all might be worth it, honestly.

Jungkook pulls himself back off of you so he can pull your pants down, taking your underwear along with them. Even though you’ve seen him get undressed more times than you can count, you still find yourself watching as he removes his own clothes. Eyes taking in the recently added color of his tattoos, the lines of his body, the way his muscles contract as he moves.

He’s back almost on top of you, slightly offset so he doesn’t put too much weight on you, but it’s still a surprise to you when he starts kissing you again. You need something more, some sort of relief before you go insane. And you’re just about to beg for it when one of his fingers slides along your folds. So this is the game he’s playing, teasing you with just his fingers and making your back arch in response. You want to protest, want to tell him there’s plenty of time to go slow, but you just need now. With his lips so insistent on yours, though, that’s hard.

Thankfully, Jungkook isn’t cruel. After running his finger along your entrance, collecting some of the wetness there, he slides a single finger inside you. It’s so slow, painfully slow, but it’s something. It’s a start to the relief that you need. Okay, maybe he is a little cruel. His finger slides in as slowly as his kisses, which are all languid motions. Any part of you that wants to fight back sinks into the mattress as he licks into your mouth.

It’s honestly the most relaxed you’ve ever felt with someone like this. There’s a part of your brain that fights against that feeling for a second before you realize that it’s been there all along. This feeling of complete comfort and safety. You were just too caught up in the idea that it wasn’t that serious to realize Jungkook had made a home in your heart. Too caught up in your past bullshit to realize this person had carefully broken through every defense without you realizing it.

But, unfortunately, Jungkook is still kind of a shit. Through your moaning, he picks up the pace, something you immediately encourage. A chorus of nonsense mixed together with your appreciation. He had two fingers inside you and his thumb on your clit. All you feel is that you’re close, so close.

Until he stops. Just completely stills himself when you’re on the precipice. Ready to come on his fingers and body still wound tight.

“Not yet babe,” he says, eyes alight.

“I was so close,” you whine.

“I know,” he says, just confirming what a demon he is. He captures your next protest with a kiss and you tangle your hand in his hair without thinking. Anchor him to you. Take back some small, tiny bit of control.

It’s all too fast when he pulls away again and you recognize he’s looking for a condom. So you just tell him not to bother. You mostly haven’t been using one lately because you’re protected and you know both of you are clean. It’s something you’ve both talked about more than once.

And thank fucking god he seems like he’s on the same page as you again because he doesn’t question it. Just abandons his search and presses his lips to yours again. You arch your back into him, chase his lips with your own. It should be embarrassing, the way you just need, except that it’s Jungkook and it’s not. It’s just…natural. The most natural thing in the world.

He does successfully pull away from your lips again, sparing a low, quiet chuckle for the way you immediately pout your lips at him. But then he’s lining himself up at your entrance, using just a little bit of lube along his shaft, and pressing the tip into you. Just like everything else, it’s slow. So slow as he pushes into you, buries his length inside of you and lets you adjust to him. Wants you to feel comfortable. But you’re always comfortable with him.

The second that you try to move against him, Jungkook presses a hand to your hip, pins you down to the bed. There’s none of the usual wide-eyed wonder in his eyes when they lock onto yours, silently telling you that you need to stay in place. Be good. Somehow it makes you want to squirm even more. Instead you focus on the way the muscles in Jungkook’s arm that’s holding you down contract, focus on the furrow of his brow, focus on the lines of his chest.

You tentatively wrap your legs around him, wanting to change his angle and he moves his hand from your hip to balance himself over you. Somehow, even though this is not your preferred position, it feels…different, intimate in a way that usually scares you. You’re not scared, though. You’re only happy. Jungkook finally starts moving, too slow like everything else but at least it’s something.

Without warning, he pulls almost all the way out and snaps back into you hard, a perfect contrast to the previous thrusts. He must anticipate your reaction, too, since he leans down to kiss you, capturing all your pleasure. So you do the only thing you can think of and drag your nails down Jungkook’s arms. Part of you hopes you’re leaving a mark so that everyone will know he’s yours. Wholly and completely.

“Fuck,” Jungkook hisses.

“Do you like that?” you ask with all the innocence that you can muster.

“Don’t play games with me,” is the only answer you get.

“Then please, Jungkook,” you beg and he slows, still moving but focusing on your words instead.

“Please what?” he questions.

“Please just fuck me,” you supply immediately. “We’ve got the rest of forever for slow, just fuck me. Show me that I’m yours.”

It’s what he’s been waiting for. That last little thing he needs to hear. There’s a split second where he looks at you full of that same love and affection you’re sure was on your face earlier before he switches back to pure want and lust. And fuck this is what you need. What you want. The only thing in the world for you.

Jungkook picks up his pace, thrusting hard into you as you grip yourself as tightly to him as you can. Arch into him to change the angle, tighten your thighs around his hips. Before you can move a hand to your clit, he’s there. His finger along with the speed of his thrusts has you back on the edge. Your entire body is hyper aware from the earlier orgasm denial. He knows it, too.

“Come on baby, I want you to come for me,” Jungkook urges.

“I’m so close, oh my god,” you say through a moan. “Yes, oh my god, Jungkook, yes!”

“I wanna see you come undone,” he says, breaths getting ragged. “Fuck I’m close too.”

“Come for me then,” you whine.

“You first,” Jungkook says and thrusts even faster.

A few more thrusts and you’re cumming harder than you can remember in a while. Nothing coherent leaving your lips. Jungkook is just a few seconds behind you and you meet his thrusts through his own high. When he stills, he carefully drops himself down, half laying on you without putting his full weight on you either. Almost absentmindedly, you run your fingers up and down his arm, tracing the lines of your favorite tattoos, watching the way his body moves with each breath.

Jungkook looks up at you and he’s the same man that you fell in love with without realizing it. Except now you can accept it for what it is. You see the love and care in his eyes when he looks at you, the same look everyone else has seen the whole time. It almost makes you shy. He leans up to plant the softest kiss of them all on your lips before he pulls out, the mix of both of your cum spilling out in the process.

“We need to get cleaned up,” Jungkook chuckles. You can’t help but laugh along with him.

“Yeah, probably need a shower,” you agree.

“Let me check if the coast is clear,” Jungkook says and gets out of bed to pull on some boxers. He disappears out the door and you hear him out in the living room before he’s appearing back in the doorway. He’s got a smirk when you look over at him.

“Busted?” you ask.

“Better, he says he won’t be back until after dinner at least,” Jungkook says.

“Okay, sometimes he’s not the worst,” you admit.

“So shower?” Jungkook asks hopefully.

“Jungkook, I am not fucking you in the shower, do you remember that one time we tried?” you ask and he’s all smiles.

“Can you blame me for trying?” he asks. You’re so hopelessly endeared that it’s actually a little sickening. You’re also about to answer when he hops back into bed nearly on top of you.

“Jungkook, we have to clean up,” you say through a laugh.

“I don’t care, I’m just happy,” he says.

And that’s just it, isn’t it? That one word perfectly sums up how you’re feeling, too. This, with him, is what happy feels like. The lightness in your chest is only further confirmation.

You shoot down shower sex again, suggesting that maybe you should just shower separately to avoid anything awkward. But that doesn’t stop the two of you rolling to the other side of the bed to continue kissing each other. Doesn’t stop the kisses getting deeper. Doesn’t stop Jungkook kissing down your body until he gets between your thighs. Doesn’t stop him from going down on you and making you come hard on his tongue.

It’s probably good, you think as you’re heading off to actually shower, that Jungkook sends his roommate a text that he may not want to rush back. It should be embarrassing how quickly Mingyu says he’ll just be home in the morning. Or that he knows exactly what’s happening. All you can think about, though, is the overwhelming feelings for this man.

(Well, you try to shower and remind Jungkook that shower sex was a disaster. But with his roommate gone, that doesn’t stop him from bending you over the counter and fucking you. It also shouldn’t be hot but you love the way you can watch him in the mirror. In almost know time he’s pulling yet another orgasm out of you and you’re not even sure if you can stand in the shower.)

There’s a loud knock on the bedroom door seconds before a louder voice carries through it. “This is your 30-second warning, I hope you’re dressed.”

He doesn’t even give you that amount of time before he’s opening the door. And it’s fine, because you have one of Jungkook’s t-shirts on and he’s got boxers on. So you’re at least partially dressed.

“Oh, you are dressed, that’s so boring,” Mingyu whines, throws in a pout for good measure.

“Don’t be weird,” Jungkook says.

“Pot, meet kettle,” Mingyu starts but has to dodge the pillow Jungkook throws.

“Out,” Jungkook says.

“Is that any way to talk to someone who’s making breakfast?” Mingyu chides.

“Oooh you cooked?” you ask.

“You never get that excited when I offer to cook,” Jungkook whines.

“Out of the honeymoon phase already?” Mingyu asks and pretends to grimace.

“Babe, you don’t know how to cook and you won’t let him teach you,” you respond.

“Yes, I am cooking, we’re celebrating,” Mingyu says.

“Celebrating what?” Jungkook asks.

“Someone finally getting her head out of her ass and realizing how amazing my roommate is,” Mingyu says and is out the door before you can hit him with a pillow.

“Breakfast does sound good,” Jungkook says, a little shy.

“Okay, but then can we talk afterward?” you ask.

He nods.

Breakfast is good, but it comes with a side of The Talk from Mingyu before you even get to eat. Jungkook wanted to shower quickly before eating, and that’s fine. You’ve been alone with Mingyu before when you’ve been over at their apartment. He tries to make it a serious talk, telling you that he’ll come after you if you ever hurt Jungkook. It’s just, well it’s a little hard to take him completely seriously with his threats when he’s like the personification of a golden retriever. You do mean it, though, when you say you’re in this for real, that you care deeply about Jungkook. That you know it’s been hell for the last while and you’re so sorry it took you this long to see what was there all along.

After breakfast, some of the best waffles you’ve ever had, Mingyu leaves to go see a friend of his. And you all know it’s at least in part to give you and Jungkook time to talk. Still, you appreciate that he’s giving you the space you need to sort this all out.

“I don’t wanna pop this little bubble, but I think we have to talk about us,” you say when you and Jungkook are settled on the couch.

“I’m not sure how much there is to talk about?” Jungkook admits.

“Well, for starters, I need to know if you can actually forgive me,” you say. Jungkook opens his mouth, but you’re quick to continue, “and please really think about that, Jungkook.”

“I mean it when I say that it was mostly fine. I knew what I was getting into almost from the beginning. It was obvious you had some shit to sort through,” Jungkook says after a moment. “And I felt like you were always honest with me about everything.”

“And the times it wasn’t fine?” you prompt.

Jungkook takes a deep breath. “Yeah, those times kinda sucked. Like when you came home drunk that night after you talked to him and you called him Hobi.”

“I was so happy to see you, I don’t even remember calling him that,” you say.

“I knew it didn’t mean anything, I assumed it was just a slip, but it hurt my heart for a minute thinking you were just going to fall back into step with him,” Jungkook says.

“I can see that,” you acknowledge. “What about when I told you that I was going to go talk to him about whatever the feelings were?”

“I was, well I don’t know, I wasn’t really sure. I really wanted to be there for you because you’re such an amazing person and I do want the best for you,” he says and you find yourself studying his face. Finding more expressions there than you’re used to seeing.

“You just wanted to be the best for me,” you finish and he nods.

“I know I should’ve just told you how I felt and asked you to stay. But, I don’t know, there was this part of me that thought if you didn’t at least talk to him…” Jungkook trails off, unsure how to finish the sentence. “There was a part of me that thought if I asked you to stay, and you did, we’d both be wondering with him like hanging over our heads.”

“Honestly, I don’t think I had the right to ask that of you, or to even expect it,” you say. “I never really let you know where I was at.”

“You did,” Jungkook says and that surprises you. “I could always tell. I knew what I meant to you and I was…I was a little scared, even knowing how much you liked me, to just ask for it to be more.”

“I thought you didn’t want more either,” you nearly whisper.

“I didn’t, not when we met at least. I thought being with you would just be easy and casual and what we both needed,” Jungkook says with a chuckle.

“I don’t know that I’m easy,” you grimace.

“You are, what wasn’t easy was slowly falling for you. I’m not used to being the one falling first,” Jungkook says.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you say, “I would take it all back if I could.”

“I wouldn’t,” Jungkook disagrees. “I think we both needed to go through that to get here.”

“And this is somewhere you want to be? Here with me?” you ask, more honest than you’ve been in awhile.

“Yeah, I do,” he says immediately. “You said I deserved to know I was someone’s first choice and you do too.”

“I want you to know that I do realize I was unfair to you and that’s not something I want to ever do again,” you say carefully.

Jungkook takes one of your hands in his, always so thoughtful. “We all make choices we’d change if we could, but you chose to be here. You’re acknowledging it, so I think we can take that and move forward.”

“I wanna be clear about where we are though,” you say.

“I’m sure you want to take it slow, this is all kind of new territory for us,” Jungkook says.

“No, that’s not it,” you say and watch his face. “I mean, we can take it at whatever pace you want, I just mean I want to be clear. This is a relationship and I’m serious about it just being you and me. I don’t want there to be any confusion in defining it.”

“I don’t think there’s any confusion,” Jungkook laughs. “But yeah, I’m on board for that. We can figure out the rest of what a serious relationship looks like as we go.”

“Together?” you ask and he smiles your favorite smile. The one where his nose crinkles and you can see his slightly-too-big front teeth and his eyes seem to sparkle.

“Always,” he says.

thank you for reading and for sticking with me through this, i hope you enjoyed it <3

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