#this is what I'm doing instead of revising for mocks

[sohcah--toa]

Cicada

I'M SORRY the quality kinda looks like dogwater in pic 1 (have no idea what happened) 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️

But ahh!! Here are some doodles!! I was thinking of doing a few for Bullet Train as well~ :")) YEAH I was pleasantly surprised by how good the story was. Is the movie accurate to the novel or completely different? haha

Oh!! And also!! There's a third book in the series and it's called The Mantis. It's pretty interesting as well!! You should definitely read it if you have time!! It's quite different from BT and TA since it's centered on 1 character: Kabuto (who is honestly very wholesome despite his career choice lolol)

Thank you for reading!! I hope you liked the posttt :DD Have a good day or night!!

#three assassins #cicada #bullet train #doodles #kotaro isaka #this is what I'm doing instead of revising for mocks #pls history #this book destroyed me

[shredsandpatches]

The Devil Has All the Best Tunes: Ranking the Mephistopheles Arias

Since getting myself properly acquainted with Arrigo Boito's Mefistofele, I've been thinking about how much the character of Mephistopheles brings out the best in opera composers, although that's only fitting, since he also did for Goethe. And the idea of this listicle suggested itself to me pretty quickly as something to think about while I was having a slow day at work on Friday. Thus! My completely idiosyncratic ranking of the eight arias sung by Mephistopheles over the three classic Faust operas:

La Damnation de Faust (1846), Hector Berlioz

Faust (1859, later revised), Charles Gounod

Mefistofele (1868/75), Arrigo Boito

All three operas are considered in their best-known forms—like, I know there's a recent recording of the 1859 version of Faust but I haven't heard it and it doesn't even have "Le veau d'or." I'm also not rating the specific performances I used for the audio/video illustrations—all of these are of course extremely well-represented in recordings and have many, many, many versions on Youtube (the playlist I made while prepping this post has like 56 and it's only a small fraction of them all). I just picked ones that a) I like and b) allowed me to use eight different singers for the eight arias.

Finally, in case you're wondering: all of these are actually fantastic. There's only one that I don't absolutely love and I still really like it. This is just a straight-up array of bangers from beginning to end.

Behind the cut: the bangers. Join us, won't you?

8. "Vous qui faites l'endormie" (Gounod) (Text/translation)

So, here's the one I just like instead of being generally feral about. If this is your last-place entry in a ranking of arias you're doing fine. And it's basically right from Goethe! But while the evil laughter is fun, the melody just doesn't stick with me, and while comparisons are odious (pfft, right, I love comparisons) I think Berlioz did a much better job with this text.

That said, one way to make me love it is to have Bryn Terfel sing it while pawing at a strung-out (in-universe!) Roberto Alagna. What can I say, I'm a slut for Faustopheles content. (And I do love me some Bryn Terfel)

7. "Une puce gentille" (Berlioz) (Text)

We now arrive, basically immediately, at the portion of the list where I unqualifiedly adore everything on it even without the benefit of particularly gay stagings. In general I feel that my rankings here don't quite reflect how much I love La Damnation de Faust (although longtime readers of this blog will have noticed), but I think the strength of the piece is not as much in the arias (although I love the arias) but in the duet and ensemble scenes. In any case this is a delightful number (again, directly from Goethe, also set to music by Beethoven and, later, Mussorgsky) which is also not even the strongest bass aria in the scene. I think we can all agree Brander comes out on top in the Auerbachs Keller bass throwdown, right?

As far as video choices go I always have mixed feelings at best about fully staged versions of La Damnation to begin with—performing it with onstage action belies the extent to which the most important action is psychological, and conversely there are some truly epic moments that are almost impossible to stage in a way that does justice to the music. That said: here's Ruggero Raimondi camping it up.

6. "Devant la maison" (Berlioz) (Text)

Up above I mentioned that Berlioz does a better job with Mephistopheles' serenade than Gounod does—this is just a fun, snarky little trifle with a mock hurdy-gurdy accompaniment* and a collective evil laugh for the chorus. What's not to love?

Berlioz wrote some alternative readings into the Damnation score so that the role of Mephistopheles could be played either by a true bass or a baritone. I prefer the former (as do I think most contemporary conductors, as I haven't seen many other recordings that cast a baritone**) but Jules Bastin's lighter timbre suits the intricacy of this melody and his suavity contrasts well with the rough edges of the chorus.

*The libretto specifies that the singer of Mephistopheles should pantomime playing one, although this seems not to have been followed by most performers. **There is one with Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau as Mephistopheles and Placido Domingo as Faust and, bafflingly, it sucks. Go figure.

5. "Ave Signor" (Boito) (Text)

We aren't even quite into the top half of the list yet (I know! Like I said: THEY ARE ALL SO GOOD) and we're already getting to the real heavy hitters. This aria wins the special recognition for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Cuntiness. Like, sure, you're leading your best demonic life, why NOT have a casual chat with the old man (il vecchio, lol) upstairs, pout about how humans suck so much it's no fun to even tempt them these days, and then make a little bet about that weirdo Faust, all to a jaunty little flute accompaniment? Magnificent. *chef's kiss*

Erwin Schrott never fails to bring the sass and that suits this aria perfectly. The leather jacket is an excellent touch as well. I want one. (I actually own a giant leather jacket but the collar doesn't do that. I want one where the collar does that)

4. "Voici des roses" (Berlioz) (Text)

Okay, I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret which is that STRICTLY SPEAKING, from a musical standpoint, I probably should switch around this aria and the previous. But this one gets a generous helping of sentimental favorite points for two reasons:

a) I am, as discussed, a slut for Faustopheles content and this is the single most homoerotic Mephistopheles aria in the operatic Faust corpus. He calls Faust "beloved" (bien-aimé) and sings about how he's going to be covered with "crimson kisses" and it's amazing. And very, very gay.

b) I've been onstage while John Relyea sang this and I was part of the ensuing chorus, an extended, complex seduction/dream sequence which I am pretty sure took up about half the rehearsal period all on its own. When Mephistopheles sings his recitative at the very end of it ("c'est bien, c'est bien, jeunes esprits, je suis content de vous") it always made me so happy because yeah, we EARNED THAT. But the moment before the chorus section, hearing such a commanding singer perform such a beautiful and sexy aria and then coming into that and not breaking the mood—God, it was just pure fucking magic.

So here, of course, is John Relyea singing it. Not the production I was in, for the record. I probably don't need to clarify that I have never been in the chorus at the Met. (The video cuts off before the chorus anyway but does include "Une puce gentille" and the following recitatives, and I'm not sure YouTube lets you timestamp your links anymore so if you want to skip to "Voici des roses," start around 3:15. Or you could also listen to "Une puce gentille" again because John Relyea just crushes this role)

3. "Ecco il mondo" (Boito) (Text)

Of the three great Faust operas, Mefistofele has its finger most firmly on the pulse of the sheer chaos muppet energy exuded by its title character. This aria reprises some of the motifs introduced in "Ave, Signor" (the jaunty flute line contrasting with the grandiose intervals of the vocal line) and revolves around some really fun stagecraft. In performance, during this aria Mephistopheles displays and then smashes a model of the world—the original libretto calls for a glass globe, while the most iconic modern production uses an ordinary latex balloon. Sometimes you'll see grouchy opera purists grumble online about the latter, and they are silly: it's a perfect reflection of Mephistopheles' disdain for the "filthy and mad" (sozza e matta) human race—and his perhaps more complex feelings about one particular representative thereof. I haven't seen enough versions of this opera to cite any performances where the second half of the aria is addressed directly to Faust, but there's some pretty fabulous potential there.

Going old school for the recording here, with Cesare Siepi. Found this one in a blog post that was mostly devoted to pearl-clutching about the Carsen/Levine staging (in its most recent revival) and the sight of Christian Van Horn in tights: the reviewer found Van Horn to be a second-rate version of Siepi (on vocal grounds, not shirtlessness grounds). Harsh, man, and I'm not even that into Christian Van Horn, at least not in this role. But this is a great recording all on its own. I'm not sure why they put Emil Jannings on the cover though.

2. "Le veau d'or" (Gounod) (Text/translation)

What can I say? This one needs no introduction, really. It's one of the great operatic bangers of all time (and one of the most persistent earworms). It was in Hannibal (I think)! Its reputation precedes it and the only reason it's in second place here is because there's one more aria that's even more awesome.

I've always loved the way Rene Pape sings this—obviously you could eat the vocals with a spoon and his physicality lends a sort of Orson Welles-y* gangster energy to the role, but also there's something about his approach to it that gives you the sense that, as @skeleton-richard once put it, "he's been both the calf and the idiots in the mud." I also love that he gets to do a little dance in this version. LET MEPHISTOPHELES TWERK.

*And wouldn't late-period Welles have been PERFECT as Goethe!Mephistopheles? I weep for the lost opportunity.

1. "Son lo spirito che nega" (Boito) (Text)

And here we are. This aria is just an absolute masterpiece, the greatest of a truly impressive array of bangers. It just captures everything we love about the character of Mephistopheles: the chaos and terrifying cynicism, the subterranean low notes, the compelling derision and mockery. The whistling! How can you not love it? The whole thing just makes my toes curl. It really sums up why this opera should be better known and loved, because fuck. Brain chemistry forcibly altered.

AND SPEAKING OF TOE CURLING. For this bravura composition, a bravura performance by the great Samuel Ramey. He absolutely owns this role and that's perhaps nowhere most evident than right here. Even if he doesn't do his own whistling.

#opera #faust #gounod faust #mefistofele #la damnation de faust #mephistopheles #mephistopheles monday #this was a lot of fun to make #should i tag all the individual singers? #or does tumblr still cut you off after five tags? idk

[worksby-gabriella]

Ours

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: The jury's out, but Y/N's choice is Eddie.

No specified gender for reader

A/N: I don't really love this, as I've said before. I'm goinna label it as a drabble but I'm probably gonna add more to it at some point soon when I actually KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING WRITE. 😄😭

Inspired by: Ours by Taylor Swift

Nancy is rambling on and on about something for the school paper in the journalism room, I wish I could listen and focus but instead I’m soaking up the stale morning air in the room. I spent the night with Eddie and I feel like that’s enough of an explanation on its own.  

  I’m reminiscing about last night’s venereal events when I’m snapped out of my haze by Nancy and Fred snapping their fingers at me, “Helloooo, earth to Y/N.”  

 I hear Nancy’s annoyed voice ring throughout the room, the silence is deafening.  

 I whip my eyes to hers as Fred joins into the conversation, “You were with the freak last night, weren’t you?”  

 His eyes look at me accusingly but I get defensive and ignore what he asked me, “Hey! Don’t call him that.”  

 I glance down at the typewriter I was working at, when I hear Nancy tsking and see her shaking her head slightly out of my peripheral vision.

 “What Nancy?” My voice comes out irritated because I know what she's getting at.  

 “I told you he’s a bad influence.”  She says in a mocking sing songy, I told you so tone.

 “I- What? N-” I start but Fred interrupts me.  

 “She’s got a point, you came in late today, you don't pay attention, you skip 4th period, and by the way we can see the hickey on your neck.”  

 I self-consciously tug up the neckline of my sweater, “That's not true, he just brings out a more contumacious side of me.”  

 “That's literally the definition of being a bad influence, Y/N.”  

 “Ugh. Not it’s not, he makes me more outgoing, I feel excited and giddy around him. Plus, I love him.” I stick out my tongue at my two friends and they lay off a bit, laughing at my childish antics.  

 Speaking of Eddie, I start to feel a sense of longing for him in this very moment. Ever since I’ve met him, I feel this constant sense of boredom when he's not around. He makes me feel alive and exhilarated. If he were here right now, we’d be laughing our asses off at everyone’s too serious expressions.  

 I feel myself smiling like an idiot at my thoughts, and glance up at the clock eager to see Eddie once again.  

 “Alright everyone, it’s 10:30! Time to wrap it up! For the long of God please make sure all your pieces have been written by tomorrow or principal Higgens will have my ass!” I yell out to everyone as they start packing up their stuff and heading out the door.  

 I’m one of the first to leave and as soon I exit the doors a pair of hands wraps around my waist, spinning me towards them. I come face to face with a smiley Eddie. My lips immediately separate and form a wide toothy grin. He pulls me closer as I laugh. Our noses are touching and he whispers, “There’s my little writer.” against my lips before giving me a quick peck on the lips.

 He pulls away as I say, “Well hello to you too, Mr. Munson.”  

 We start to walk down the Hall as he wraps a protective arm around my shoulder.

 “You know, sweetheart, I’m actually kind of digging this whole sexy teacher thing you have going on.”  

 “What do mean?” There’s a humorous tone in my voice.  

 “I was watching you through the window on the door. You’re all walking around revising people’s work, directing them, dismissing them.”  

 “You're crazy, Munson.”  

 “Only about you, Y/N, only about you. Almost makes me want to join the school paper.”

 I’m laughing and Eddie is watching me with a content smile. I notice people are watching me and him walk together. It’s not unusual for this to occur, when people found out about me and Eddie, they were nothing short of shocked. Hawkins High had an idea of me, an idea that couldn't be any more different than the idea they had of Eddie.  

 Their idea of me is very clean. I’m a good student, I get good grades, I abide by the rules, I’m innocent in every way possible, I’m soft, a people pleaser if you will. I’m nothing more than good. Their idea of Eddie is extremely tainted. He’s not the brightest, he’s a rule breaker, he’s a stoner, he’s rough, he simply didn’t care. Where they right? Perhaps they were but that doesn't mean someone like me can’t love Eddie, and that Eddie is crazy in every way. You know what they say, opposites attract.

 “They're staring again.”  

 “Hm, I guess they are.”  

 I hide my face in the crook of his arm not liking the attention.  

 “Well then let’s give them something to watch.” There’s a mischievous glint in his eye.  

 “Eddie-” 

  He cuts me off, kissing me once again, his lips move in sync with mine, and I can feel the tips of his tongue start to nudge my lip, asking for permission to enter my mouth. His hand moves down my shoulder to my waist, pulling me closer as we stop walking all together. I hear movement stop in the hallway and the nose level gets slightly more hushed. His hand travels back up my back and into the hair at the back of my head, twisting in my hair. One of my hands is grasping his bicep for leverage as the other holds my notebook. I let out a whimper, only quiet enough for to Eddie hear.  

 Before Eddie this wasn’t my thing, PDA that is, but since him, all I want is for him to act on his desires at any moment. It makes me giddy when I think about him wanting others to know about us, he wants poeple to know I'm his and he's mine. I think it's sweet, and like, insanely hot.

 He finally pulls away, leaving me to hope we’ll resume this rendezvous later, in private. His lips are ever so slightly smudge with my pink lip-gloss and I can just feel how swollen my lips are, “What were you saying?” He asks me, smugly.  

 I shake my head, moving his hand back to my shoulder, “real smooth, love.”  

 People carry on with their judgmental looks and Eddie knows it’s making me conscious because he tips my head up with his free hand, “Hey sweetheart, people only care so much because they love to be envious when others are happy. Or at least I hope your happy.”  

 He adds that last part to lighten the mood.

 “of course, you make me happy.”  

 He gives me a warm smile as I continue on, “People love to throw rocks at things that shine.”  

 “Exactly. And don’t you worry your pretty little mind because we are carrying on that little stunt later.” He winks at me pulling away, and slyly slaps my ass as we arrive at my next class.  

#eddie munson/reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things smut #stranger things moodboard #stranger things #fluff #steve harrington #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #max mayfield #eleven #chief hopper #taylor lyrics #joyce byers #johnathan byers #argyle #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair

[beelmons]

A story of 'maybe's and 'what if's

cw: @snarkylinda made a post about when JJ asks Spencer what he would have been in another life and said Spencer probably writes coffee shop AUs. So here's a small peek at cowboy!spencer with his small town!BAU AU. Gif credit @imagining-in-the-margins (couldn't find it on tumblr's gif search bar so I had to use a link). Nothing happens in this fic, just Spencer doing cowboy stuff and being happy with his life, like he deserves.

Focus: Spencer Reid x Reader (vaguely), everybody else on the team is mentioned.

The rule of the land was to trample or be trampled, a rule that was much to the dislike of Spencer Reid.

"Stop moving, let me see you." the young cowboy would shout as the small animal thrashed around in his arms.

Once he was able to contain it, he could notice the fracture on the middle part of its leg. A youngling rabbit had wandered into his ranch early in the morning and his cattle, albeit small very lively and wary, had tried to kick it out of their area by force.

During his first round, early in the morning, of revising the cows, he noticed his herd dog heavily interested on a random hollow rock, barking and bending with his tail wagging from side to side. To his surprise, the source of amusement was no other than an injured rabbit, to whose rescue he went.

"I don't think I have enough to take care of it here, we're going to have to go the sanctuary." he huffed in disappointment.

The small animal was put into a weary satchel after being given a light sedative, this to protect it from hurting itself, and Spencer went on his merry way. As routine marked, he stopped by the local coffee shop to grab some liquid energy for the day, and after chatting with his friend Kate, he headed to the flower shop down the street. Something caught his attention inside the café, though, a face he had never seen before. A passer by, he figured, and he didn't pay much attention before he left.

"Morning, Reid, you're out early." Will pointed out as Spencer entered the small venue.

"There's something I have to do right away, is JJ in?" he asked

"She's in the back, I'll tell'er you're here." the man, dressed up in local police uniform, reassured before disappearing behind a cloth door. Shortly, Jennifer came out with a bright smile on her face.

"Good morning, Spence, good to see you awake before nine." she joked.

"I'm usually awake, I just don't go out until I make sure the horses are clean for the day." he quickly explained before he turned attention to his original purpose "do you have any lilies or daisies?" he asked.

"I must have some left in the back. Got a date?" the blonde woman teased.

"Haha" he mocked "Could you please go get them, I'm in a rush." Spencer said.

"Yes, just let me— Oh, welcome!" she suddenly changed her tone and Spencer could notice it was because of another costumer behind him.

"Hi" you said, walking to stand next to Reid by the registry "I'm here to pick up an order? I'm—" you began to explain until JJ interrupted you.

"Yes, my husband said you called last night. Your order is ready, I'll go get it." she turned to face her friend instead "And I'll get your daisies for the date you don't want to tell me about, lover boy." she teased Spencer.

The man simply made a mocking face that caused her to laugh as you were left alone in the room. He took a second to try and glance at you from the corner of his eye, trying to double-check of the suspicion of you being the same person as in the coffee shop was true.

"Daisies for a date?" you said, trying to break the ice "A bit unorthodox, they aren't necessarily the most sensual of flowers."

"It's not a date." he said politely, although his slightly awkward pursing of the lips made you realize he was not the most comfortable, so you decided to shut up.

"Here." thankfully, JJ appeared once again to give you the order, and after taking your cash you dashed out of the place.

"Who is that?" he asked, his eyes looking back to the door you had just walked through.

"Oh." JJ said with a specific suggestive tone "Why, interested?" she propped herself curiously onto her elebows on the counter.

"You know what?" he was about to start telling her off when he felt a slight twitch in his satchel "Actually, I have to go." he said in a hurry and snatched the flowers from the counter to head to the sanctuary.

Maybe not interested, yet, but he was certainly intrigued by the random, and in his opinion quite attractive, stranger that just appeared in his town.

However, he would have time for that later, he needed to get to the animal sanctuary.

"—and over there you take a left and you will immediately see the police station." or not, since you were right there in the animal sanctuary, conversing with Morgan "You can ask the secretary for sargeant Hotchner, if he isn't there he might be at Rossi's, the local saloon, you can ask detective prentiss to take you."

"All right, thank you." you said with smile

"Welcome, take care, sweetheart." he charmingly saw you off.

Before you could exit the place, though, you crossed sights with Spencer. The awkward smile appeared on his face once again and he raised a hand to give a lame, weak wiggle of his fingers.

However, this caused you to get a warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest, and you hit him with a smitten grin.

"Good luck with whoever is on the receiving end of those daisies, lover boy." you joked in his direction before you disappeared, yet again, behind the entrance.

Morgan stared with raised eyebrows and startled eyes.

"She hasn't been here more than a day and you already bagged her?" Morgan let out an impressed sigh "Gotta get me some of that cowboy game."

"Can everyone stop? I don't even know her name." he said as he stepped closer.

"Whose name?" Penelope entered the waiting room with her particular beaming attitude.

"The girl who was asking about Hotch's." Morgan clarified to her.

"Oh, I think she's pretty, do you?" Garcia asked Reid.

"No!" he almost yelled defenssively.

"Oh my god! You totally like her!" she shouted and Morgan laughed in response.

"Can we get back to my actual problem?" he once again tried to change the subject, gently laying the bag on the counter to open it "Poe found it hiding, I think the cows broke the leg. Can it stay here for a couple of days? Brought flowers as a payment." he raised the bouquet in her direction.

"I love daisies, they are like the poster flowers of joy. Thank you, Reid." she took the flowers before setting them in an empy container on the fron desk "Now, let's get you better, little thing."

With care, she took the bag to take it to the hospital area, leaving only the two men there.

"Rossi said he is hosting a private dinner at the saloon tonight, you coming?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know. Blake asked me for help to prepare some material for her class." Reid answered with tiredness.

"I know for a fact that she's gonna be there." Morgan teased with a grin, subtly referring to you.

Spencer remained quiet, apparently unamused, for a second.

"We'll see." he said.

However, there was nothing to see. He was intrigued, and if there was something Spencer Reid couldn't control about himself was his curiosity.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #this is so stupid but it was so fun to write hehe #criminal minds #blurb: mine #blurb: spencer

[jadeclaimedflowers]

wednesday, march 27th - day 251

late update due to the absolute shitshow yesterday was

what's on: Dive Back In Time by bicaso, Gen Kakon

sleep: 6 hours

screentime: 5 hours 27 minutes

productivity bar: 30%

tasks covered:

called uni office

finished uni application form

gave an interview (it went horribly lol i am NOT getting the program i applied for)

covered news for the day

tasks missed:

mock test

notes revision

japanese lessons

wins:

none

losses:

cried like a baby the whole day

slept very late...woke up very late...

forgot to write...and read

gave up a mock test in the middle

feeling: horrible and pathetic. my interview went so bad and i felt like such a massive fool that i ended up breaking down in tears in front of my mother + 1 passerby (feeling very embarrassed thinking about it...sorry my guy...). also very sad because i am most definitely not getting the program i applied for which i was really looking forward for it.

march is about to end and its been a month of desperately trying to stay productive and failing. time is running out for me. i know i won't be able to feel satisfied until i achieve a structured routine, and cover my four month backlog. i can feel all depression habits coming back...fucked up sleep schedule, too much screentime, poor hygiene, giving up on projects halfway. i can't allow that, i have to get out of this damn rut.

i'm also currently crashing at my cousin's place, and because of moodiness yesterday, i pissed her off and now she's not talking to me. she also probably told her bf to not to talk to me. (???) she's the one who pays all my bills online (and i give her cash in exchange since i can't do online transfers due to bank problems) but she's not talking to me and 2 of my bills are already due and i do Not know how to approach her about it. also the chronic back problems from sleeping on a futon on the floor for the last three months are catching up to me.

lessons for tomorrow (today):

you can't go back in time, look forward

journal/write your thoughts instead of spending 3+ hours ruminating

sleep on time!!!

don't get swayed by distractions...don't be a moron

it's called a learning curve, not a learning escalator

one day at a time

focus on the process, not the results

Every minute that I dialed back in time. Every single existence rewinds

Come back from the dive back in time

#motivation #studyblr #studyspo #self improvement #study blog #study inspiration #study study study #yuki's 252 days of productivity

[raspberry-gloaming]

I ought to be revising for my mocks but instead I've spent the last hour tallying and compiling a list of how common the endings of time-lord prefixes are. I'm currently up to F on the wiki and -on is currently the most common (e.g. Elbon, or Antimon), and an in universe meta could be linked to Rassilon ig. I'm not including renegade names and am a bit ?? of what do do on the names the wiki at least has formatted in a Firstname Lastname way, like Livia is Livia Coralis not Liviacoralis. I am also not including individuals that sounded weird and untimelordy, and turned out to be faction paradox, which the names of that media tend to be a bit different it seems. Also not sure if I should count ten -ak endings, because I believe there have been 10 different presidents called Pandak? or only count any mentioned on the wiki.

Why am I doing this? uhh just to see tbh, and also to work as a guide or helper for anyone making ocs, or needing background names, or whatever. since timelord names are... a mouthful, it can be a lot of different elements to get sounding time-lordy? also using this once I've made it into a spreadsheet I can work out which human names would work easiest! since e.g. Lukas, who is one of multiple time lords with an -as prefix ending. A human-coincidental name that could work for a time lord based on commonest of prefix endings (so far) might be Colton or Amos.

#amber rambles #doctor who #gallifrey #gallifrey audios #doctor who meta #meta #time lords #names

[justastrugglinghotchocolate]

Chapter 1 of the Role Swap fic

Some time ago, I wrote out an outline for a role swap au (I would give you the link, but tumblr doesn't like when I do that), and over the last few days I have written a chapter of this au (I don't have a name for it yet, so suggestions are appreciated!). Thank you to everyone who interacted with my first post, and please, let me know what you guys think, I loved hearing your feedback!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional writer by any means, and admittedly it has been a while since I've read the book in depth. Some characterizations may be a tad off, but I've tried my best to keep canon in mind, while also changing them to reflect the new context. Additionally, I am not from, nor have I ever been to England or anywhere near the UK. Though I have put in a lot of research of the time, I have only a base understanding of the period, so things may be somewhat inaccurate.

In the golden afternoon of a warm August day, Dorian Gray sat across from Lord Henry Wotton, engaging in light banter. The two men would be involved in a scandal and crime in the coming years, but on this day, they discussed their friend, Basil Hallward.

Some months ago, Basil had been accused of unseemly behavior. Everyone involved in high society might have turned a blind eye, but when evidence from that night was presented, most turned away from the painter. Fortunately, the courts didn't find Basil worth the time or resources to jail; instead, they took away his wealth and the rumors took away his clientele. His name was only spoken in warnings or vicious gossip.

Dorian and Henry were left to watch as it all happened in a whirlwind of speculation and accusations. Though they offered help, the artist declined, fearful of what might have befallen his closest friends should they try and intervene on his behalf. In truth, his concerns were for Dorian; he had known Lord Henry would somehow be unaffected as usual.

What the artist did not know was that the lord was far from unaffected.

“He refuses to speak with me,” Henry grumbled as he smoked, “Does he think I would mock him over this?”

Dorian smiled politely, still unused to such a sight. In the time he had known the man, Henry had seldom shown any emotion besides amusement and glee. The recent event had not only revealed that the lord was capable of more than that, but that he was particular to worry.

“We've known each other for years, surely he knows that I would never make light of a situation like this!” he puffed his cigarette—his fourteenth one in the hour and a half Dorian had been there, “Especially because it's him!”

“Perhaps he's embarrassed,” Dorian offered halfheartedly. He understood Henry's worry; he himself had been concerned ever since the night after the trial. Until that night, Dorian had thought himself as the one person Basil could never turn away. After a panicked cry and slammed door, he revised his outlook on his perceived favoritism.

“Embarrassed? By what? Some daft rumor?”

“It was more than a rumor, Harry. He lost everything. People refuse to even say his name!”

“Because they are all hypocrites! They've done much worse than our dear Basil, yet they act as if he murdered someone!”

“They've done more for less.”

“Yes! They have! It is infuriating to see all of this happen and then to have Basil turn me away, to avoid me! I don't understand any of it,” the lord ended his rant with a scowl.

“I invited him to tea today.”

Henry perked up, “Did he say he'd come?”

“No, but I'm sure he will.”

“Why's that?”

“Because I'm leaving.”

Basil Hallward followed the servant into Henry's study. This was the first time he had ventured out of his home since the trial and the first time he would see Dorian and Henry after that night. He wrung his hands nervously as the servant notified the lord and Dorian as well. The servant motioned him in and then closed the door behind him.

In a blur of blonde, Dorian tossed himself into Basil's arms, tightly hugging him.

“Dorian!”

“Basil, I knew you'd come!” he grinned and guided the man to sit nearby Lord Henry, who had hurriedly stabbed his cigarette into an ashtray. He attempted to look composed, but relief could be clearly seen in his eyes.

“Basil, it's good to see you're alive,” the lord tried to say smoothly, “I knew you'd come out eventually.”

“Liar,” Dorian hissed, “Basil he was worried sick! I can't get the smell of smoke out of my hair because of him!”

The lord cleared his throat, “Dorian, don't pout, it mars your face.”

Dorian stuck his tongue out, then turned to Basil, “Please stay for a while? I can't stand Henry when he's worried.”

“Oh, I'm sure it wasn't so bad,” Basil fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve, “Are you really leaving Dorian?”

The young man froze and looked at Basil and then to Henry for help. Eventually he solemnly nodded, “In about a week.”

“How long will you be in France?”

“I'm not sure,” the young man said, “Apparently my songs are quite famous there and an unexpected number of orchestras have asked me to play with them.”

“It could be anywhere from a year to ten,” Henry supplied, “It might become a lifetime.”

“Nonsense!” the blonde cried, “I will return. I would never leave the two of you behind.”

“Don't limit your experience because of us, Dorian,” the lord smiled sardonically, “France is known for its many delights, someone with your beauty can easily experience them all.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “I had to deal with this for weeks, Basil. You're the only one who can temper Henry's philosophical ramblings. I'll die if I have to listen to another!”

“Well, you have nothing to worry about, you're leaving for France in a week,” Henry chuckled, but his smile fell when he looked towards Basil, “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Basil said unconvincingly, “I'm happy for you Dorian, truly I am. But I will miss you greatly.”

The young man smothered the other man in another embrace, “Basil, I'm going to miss you the most! I'll write to you, I promise!”

“Calm down, Dorian,” Basil focused on the divan past Dorian, “I don't think you'll have the time to do so.”

“I'll make the time,” he insisted, “Always for you.”

“What about Henry?”

The lord scoffed good naturedly.

“Harry doesn't appreciate my letters. He says he adores my romantic notions of friendship, then throws them away in front of me!” Dorian glared at the man in question, “And I'm not a boy, I'm twenty-four!”

“You do act like a child,” Basil admitted.

“Basil!” Dorian gasped dramatically and threw himself onto the nearby divan, “I have never been so betrayed! I shall never recover!”

Basil smiled. Henry motioned for him to sit next to him, then gently grasped the other man's hand, “I am happy to see you again.”

The trio found themselves locked in easy conversation about everything and anything but Basil's situation or the events leading up to it. Easy laughter and general pleasantries were shared all around, but the knowledge of the limited time they had pressed heavily against them.

“It's getting rather late,” the painter stood up, “I should leave.”

“Stay for the night, Basil,” Henry said.

“No,” he said far too quickly to be reassuring, “No, I couldn't possibly do such a thing.”

The reason went unsaid.

“You'll come by tomorrow, won't you?” Dorian fluttered his lashes at the man, “And every day, until I leave?”

“I can try,” Basil said, uncomfortable with the intensity, “But I'm not sure I'll be very entertaining to be around.”

“We can keep our meetings in our respective houses,” Henry offered.

“Please, Basil,” Dorian clasped his hand together as if he were praying.

“Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.”

“And the day after?”

“Yes, every day until you leave.”

Dorian grinned triumphantly, “Oh, before you leave—!”

The blonde fished through the inner pockets of his coat and pulled out a small wooden box with a crumpled bow.

“Oh, it looked nicer before,” he muttered. He handed it to Basil.

It was a brown ornate box with a golden key on the side of it. The top of the box had an intricate carving of what was assumedly a floral scene. Dorian winded the key, then opened the box and turned it towards Basil. On the inside, it had three miniature orchids, one red, one purple, and one white, each with a basil leaf adorning the sides.

Then a gentle melody filled the room. It was beautiful, delicate, and filled with a sense of longing. The orchids slowly turned, like they were dancing.

“Is this one of your songs?” Basil asked.

“Yes.”

“I haven't heard this one,” Henry leaned forwards.

“That's because I finished it a few weeks ago. It's for you Basil.”

“The box or the song?” the lord looked at the artist who appeared shocked.

“Both!”

“Both?”

“I wrote the song for Basil,” Dorian beamed, “Then I had the box commissioned. You two are the first people to ever hear it, besides me of course.”

“You wrote this song for me?” Basil murmured, “Why?”

“Because you're his favorite,” Henry joked.

“Because you mean a lot to me, Basil. No one can do what you can with your paintings. I have never met someone so intelligent, yet so careful and caring. I wrote that song to express the beauty of your soul,” Dorian confessed. Henry opened his mouth to speak, and the young man threw a pillow from the divan at him, “What do you think?”

Basil looked at the man in earnest, “I think I'm going to cry.”

“Oh!”

“I was going to tell you,” Henry said. He patted the seat next to him, “Bring him here, Dorian.”

Tentatively, the blonde led the crying man to sit, then frantically said, “If you don't like it, I can take it back. I didn't want to hurt you.”

“You haven't,” Basil sobbed, “I promise, I'm not hurt.”

“No, really, Basil, if you dislike it at all, I'll take it back and throw it away or burn it or whatever you like. Just tell me and it will be gone.”

“And throw away your work?! I'd rather die!”

Lord Henry shook his head, “Why are you crying then, Basil?”

“It's just,” Basil wiped his eyes and took a shaky breath, “It's just moving, that's all. Do you really believe that about me, Dorian?”

“Yes. Every word. If you'd let me, I would like to name the song after you. I want you to be known for centuries after today.”

A sob escaped the painter, “Oh, how I wish I could capture beauty as you do! To be able to do such a thing, I'd do anything! I would befriend the devil himself!”

“Basil,” Henry laughed, “That is quite unlike you!”

Dorian giggled behind a pale hand, “Besides, Harry is right there, Basil.”

Henry threw the pillow at Dorian. Basil genuinely laughed for the first time in a while.

At his home, Basil laid in his bed, still awake despite his many attempts.

He couldn't stop thinking about the end of the week. While he was happy for Dorian, he was worried too. Dorian wasn't the most responsible and he was often too willful for his own good. A week from today, he would be all alone in a completely different country. Basil hoped that the young man at least knew someone there and wasn't rushing into this as he normally did.

He got up from his bed and searched for something to busy himself with. Eventually his eyes landed on the small music box Dorian had given him. He picked it up and clutched it to his chest, then, feeling childish, shyly placed it back down.

Basil sighed as he absentmindedly turned the key. When he had it far enough, he let it play as he sat at a desk to sketch. He drew flowers, houses, and then Dorian. Surrounded by flowers, the young man smiled in the sketch and Basil felt a sense of sadness flood him. He tore the page and returned to bed, falling asleep to the music box's gentle song.

First(You are here!)//Next

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed, again let me know what you think! The song in the music box can be whatever you want, but I personally think it's Million Miles Away from "Belle" because the lyrics that play in the only music box version will be painfully ironic in a few chapters. Also, Sam Yung has a beautiful extended piano and string arrangement that would totally be Dorian's composed version.

Next chapter we'll meet the capitalist!

AO3 link:

#the picture of dorian gray #basil hallward #dorian gray #lord henry wotton #role swap au #alternate universe #fanfic #the losing game

[fufukunaga]

sakuatsu | secret relationship, office au, lots of kisses, implied nsfw

"Miya," Kiyoomi says as he drops a folder onto Atsumu's desk with his usual frown. "The numbers on this report are wrong. Please revise it and send it to me by the end of the day."

Atsumu takes the folder and smiles up at Kiyoomi. "Okidoki, Omi-kun. I'll have this by your desk later."

Kiyoomi scrunches his nose in disgust. "Please refrain from addressing me so casually. We're in a workplace."

Atsumu winks. "Right-o, Omi-kun-san." He does a mock salute.

Kiyoomi merely rolls his eyes and walks away.

"Why is he always so grumpy?" Inunaki who works at the desk beside Atsumu's asks. "It's like he's always got a stick up his ass. I'm so sorry about him, Atsumu. You didn't deserve that."

"Thanks, Wan-san," Atsumu replies.

He tries to resist the urge to laugh. Kiyoomi isn't the most well-liked employee in their department but he more than makes up for it with his work ethic and incredible skill and intuition.

He's always grumpy, especially to Atsumu.

Hah, Atsumu thinks. If only they knew.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay and accompany you?" Inunaki asks as he begins packing up his things.

Atsumu shakes his head no. "S'okay, Wan-san. Ya don't have to do that. I'm just finishing the reports Omi-kun asked me to revise. It won't take long."

Inunaki huffs angrily. "You really shouldn't be doing this for him."

Atsumu can't help but chuckle at that. "I'm fine, Wan-san. I'm almost done anyway. Go meet up with yer girlfriend."

"Okay," Inunaki relents. "If you say so. See you tomorrow, Atsumu."

"See ya, Wan-san."

Atsumu is left alone in the office finishing the report.

After a few minutes of complete silence and the sound of keyboards clacking, the faint sound of approaching footsteps can be heard.

Atsumu smiles to himself, giddy and excited.

"Not done yet?" Kiyoomi asks.He turns Atsumu's chair around to face him.

Atsumu glares up at him. "And whose fault is that?" He challenges.

Instead of answering, Kiyoomi leans down to place a chaste kiss on Atsumu's lips. Atsumu hits him on the arm before Kiyoomi can deepen it "We're in a workplace, Omi-kun," Atsumu mocks.

Kiyoomi ignores him and crashes their lips together again, this one more sweet ang languid but definitely deeper. Atsumu can't help but groan when Kiyoomi's tongue enters, exploring Atsumu's mouth.

"Omi," Atsumu groans. "I have to finish work." But he makes no move to pull away from the kiss.

"It's not enough that I only get to kiss you every time we're alone," Kiyoomi mumbles in between kisses. "I want to kiss you every second. So this is me making up for a day's worth."

Atsumu chuckles softly at that. "Well ya certainly don't act like ya want to kiss me at work. Wan-san thinks ya hate me."

"I won't be able to stop myself otherwise," Kiyoomi says, nipping at Atsumu's bottom lip.

"Omi," Atsumu breathes. "The report."

"Just do it tomorrow."

"But—"

Kiyoomi interrupts him by capturing his mouth and Atsumu is but a weak man to fight his boyfriend on it.

"Let's go home," Kiyoomi implores. "Please. I miss you, Atsu."

Atsumu laughs. "We work together. We literally see each other 24/7."

"It's not the same."

Kiyoomi nuzzles his nose under Atsumu's chin, sending shivers up his spine.

"Yer gonna be grumpy to me tomorrow when I don't finish the report," Atsumu whines.

"I won't. I promise. Please let's go home, unless you want to take you right here right now."

"That's not very professional of ya, Omi-kun," he jokes. "Besides how can I pack up my things if yer clinging to me like that?"

Kiyoomi reluctantly pulls himself away enough to let Atsumu gather his things. And they immediately made their way home together.

The next morning, Kiyoomi strides to Atsumu's desk with his usual frown. "Miya. Are you done with that report I asked you to do yesterday?"

"Not yet, Omi-kun-san," Atsumu pipes, a little too proud and cheery for someone delivering bad news.

"Please try to finish it today."

"What was that, Omi-kun?"

Kiyoomi's eyes widen in slight fear. He clears his throat and says. "I mean, take your time. And tell me if you need any help."

Atsumu nods. "Why, that's very kind of ya. Thank ya Omi-kun."

"No problem," Kiyoomi says and walks away.

Beside him, Inunaki stares in disbelief. "What the fuck did I just witness?"

#sakuatsu #haikyuu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #bre's thread fics

[captaindibbzy]

I think one of the stupidest things in education is you don't know the content of a course till you have paid for it, and you can't access exams without paying for a course.

I signed up to this AAT course in September and it's hanging over me like a fucking anvil. And I'm really struggling to do it cause it's so fucking boring. I know this stuff. I need, at most, a list of definitions for certain words so I know the correct terminology to use. It's not complicated.

But when inquiring about the course it's just "yeah you learn accounts :)" and I assumed that accounts would be more complicated than what I was already doing. It's not. It's really fucking not. It's basic maths. I got a B at GCSE maths and that has more than qualified me for this gobshite. There are sketchy one man businesses out there that know less than me doing their own accounts with the confidence only an idiot can possess. And they're doing just fine.

But I wouldn't be able to just rock up somewhere and go "hi, when are you doing the next AAT exam? Can I pay to do it?" No. I have to pay out the fucking nose for the god damn work book, when about 3 mock exams and a pamphlet would have done it. This section is 30 hours long, one of five, and I spend most of that getting angry cause it sounds EXACTLY like by school science teacher who used to think it was more important we write out something to revise from rather than learn the content first time through, so she would dictate the answers to us instead of letting us write it ourselves.

Anyway, the only thing I have learned in the 3rd bullshit module is it is a legal requirement to number your invoices in ascending order, so these experts confidently saying "lol why would I number my invoices?" Are breaking the god damn law.

#personal

[khaleesiofalicante]

I have mid-terms this week and next week (Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday) and I’m kinda struggling to study.

Usually I get super anxious and the anxiety doesn’t let me study efficiently but now I’m really unbothered. Like I actually don’t feel super anxious ans that’s scaring me a but cause that means I’m not studying. It’s like a “I made it” type of feeling except I still have a bit more to go. I can’t act like I’ve made it now cause that could potentially prevent me from actually “making it” (though that is VERY unlikely) but I still feel like I’ve made it so I don’t want to study. Especially since I know my grades can recover from it if I was to do not so good (which again, is very unlikely to happen)

I dont know if that makes any sense to you or anyone else but any advice or tips?

It makes a lot of sense. What you are feeling is a place in between overconfidence and apathy. And I know it can make the anxiety worse, especially when you get closer to the exam.

If you are finding it harder to study, I would suggest that instead of studying you actually keep doing mock exams. Learning/revising the material is very different from doing a test (even at home). I usually do the latter when I feel too tired to study or when I feel like "oh i know this already".

Doing mock tests (per chapter or even subject) will help you also figure what you actually know and don't know. If you find something you don't know or are unclear about, you can then study those and only those.

Some ways you can do mock tests (this will depend on your subject and exam style):

Find past papers online if you can, find online quizzes on random topics (for eg i used to do random online quizzes on clinical psychology - you just gotta google them) you might know the answer to everything but it's still good to try them out. Ask a friend or family member to quiz you (give them your notes/books and just ask them to ask you random questions).

I sometimes also do quick flow charts instead of studying. This involves you covering your syllabus in a flow chart by connecting the topics. It's sort of a memory mapping technique. I'm happy teach you how to do it.

But yeah. Bottom line, if it's hard to study then don't force yourself to study. Keep doing tests/quizzes to revise and practice.

SENDING YOU BEST WISHES AND LOTS OF GOOD LUCK.

#support

[atlaese]

prompt ─ "my darling, you will never be unloved by me. you are too well entangled in my soul."

requested by ─ @buellersdayoff. cassie, <33 thank you so much for sending this one in, i hope you like it!! (i couldn't find a decent college!matt header so i went with this one, just imagine his goofy college look instead lol)

tw ─ college!matt, a little anxiety for a final, mentions of food, pure fluff.

words ─ 1K (i couldn't stop writing this so its extra long lol).

"Fuck, I'm never going to pass this final," you sighed, dropping the book you were holding over your head on your face, welcoming the sudden darkness and the musty scent of used books.

You and Matt were sprawled out on his bed in his dorm, his back against the wall as you rested your head on top of his thighs. It was a comfortable position to study and to revise out loud, but the heavy book that was now hiding your face from the world made breathing a bit hard.

"You'll pass," Matt said sternly, his hands trying to tear the book away. "Please don't suffocate yourself with this book, I can't drive you to the hospital if you need help."

"Ha, ha," your voice was muffled from under the book, your hands tightly gripping onto it. "I'm just over it Matt, maybe the knowledge will go into my brain through osmosis if I continue smothering myself with this book."

"Hey," the whine left your throat as Matt was finally successful in removing the book, tossing the book on the ground. "You're no fun."

"C'mon, let's take a break," Matt groaned, making no attempt to get you off his lap. The soft fabric of his sweats was also too comfortable to lay on for you to even consider moving your head to a pillow.

"I kinda wanna take a nap but I'm also not tired and I'm just so stressed and we're out of coffee," you sighed, rambling off every thought that was consuming your mind.

"Okay, just calm down," Matt said, not really helping to put your mind at ease.

"Oh, yeah of course, hadn't though of that captain obvious."

"I didn't mean it like that," he laughed, licking his lips in thought as he stared off into space. "Let's play a game okay, to get your mind off of things."

Now you were intrigued, eyeing the neck of his sweater that was hiding his cross necklace. "What game?"

"I recite a quote and you tell me who said it," he smiled down at you, his brown eyes clear as you felt a tiny rush of excitement. "You're a bookworm, shouldn't be too hard."

"Alright, but don't go easy on me," you replied, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. You didn't let go but kept playing with his fingers as Matt thought about a quote.

"Alright, what about it is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the lights?"

"You're going easy on me, you liar," you gasped, squeezing his hand again in retaliation. "Aristotle."

"I'm just building up difficulty!" he scoffed, though you knew he was messing with you. "You asked for it."

Matt's fingers slotted between yours, palms touching each other as he tried his best not to blush at the close contact, his mind a bit scrambled.

"Okay, life is made of ever so many partings welded together."

"Ooh okay, yeah that's a difficult one. I know it though, just give me a minute."

"59...58...57...," Matt began counting down, a laugh bubbling up in his throat at your protests. "You said a minute."

"God, you're insufferable."

"C'mon, I know you've got this."

"It's Dickens, isn't it?" you guessed, looking at his face to see if his pokerface also worked when he wasn't doing mock trials.

"Two for two, okay one last one and then I want food, I need some sustenance if we're going to be pulling an all nighter," he sighed, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand.

It was quiet for a second as he thought of one, his eyes flitting between non-existent pages of a book.

"My darling, you will never be unloved by me. you are too well entangled in my soul."

"Hmm, I don't think I've ever heard this one before," you thought out loud, racking your brain and thinking about who possibly could've said it.

"And you're sure I know this person?" you asked, trying to figure out why his smile was so... soft. Unlike any smile you ever seen on his face before. Or maybe you just hadn't paid as close attention to it as you should have.

"You know them pretty well actually," Matt encouraged you.

"If you tell me it's Shakespeare or something I might just stop reading for the rest of my life," you groaned, mentally preparing to eat shit in front of Matt.

"Hmm, close." The smugness was almost dripping off the words, slow and rich like the sweetest of honeys.

"I give up," you said after listing three other people. "You've officially bested me, Murdock."

"But you were so close," he whispered, his face coming closer to yours as you tried your best not to stop breathing. You weren't ready to go if this was something that could happen.

"Oh," you breathed out, your eyes almost laser-focused on his pink lips that always seemed to be pulled in a smile when you were around. "Who-who was it then?"

"His dorm is kinda messy and his roommate likes metal and right in this very moment, there is a beautiful girl that has been on his mind for months," he softly said, licking his lips as he hovered over you. "Do you know now?"

Instead of replying, you lifted your head up a little bit, just enough so your lips could touch as his free hand softly cupped your face.

God, how softly he kissed you. How softly his hand cupped your cheek as if you were a package he had to unwrap carefully, trying his best not to rip the paper.

"You're such a flirt," you breathed out as he pulled back and you rolled off of him, trying to control your heart that was on its way to jump out of its cavity straight into Matt's open arms. You'd gladly let it.

"Hmm," he simply hummed, a smirk present on his face. He pulled on a ratty sweater and then held out his hand to pull you up. "You still wanna go eat something?"

#ari's blurbs #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x y/n #matt murdock fic #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock blurb #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock #daredevil fic #mcu #marvel #matt murdock reader insert #ariwrites

[sammiestudiesdrugs]

61/150 - 150 dop

Friday!!! Today's achievements:

Completed German hw

Did Chemistry practice questions on Acids and Bases, and Transition Metals

Attended chemistry support after school

Went to dance class

I got back my first essay on film techniques for Das Leben der Anderen (we've only done character analysis before) and i got 33/40 which I'm pretty proud of :)

62/150

Today my mum and I went to the offer holder day for the university I have an offer from. I really liked the campus, the labs are amazing and I can really see myself living in this city! I don't know what I'll choose to do but I'm finally feeling good about next year.

63/150

Spent more time working on apprenticeship applications today - I completed the assessment for the last company I applied to, and submitted my application for another.

In other news, I have mocks over the next two weeks so of course I'm procrastinating and trying on fun outfits instead of revising 😅

Hope everyone has a good week!

#150 days of productivity #a level biology #a level chemistry #a levels 2022 #sammie speaks #a level german #bharatanatyam #a levels

[9tzuyu]

the art of delicate hands – pt. i

[ wandanat. ]

College AU.

Multiple part series ;

↳ snippets of their relationship and how I perceive them.

sumary:

wanda doesn't like to talk very much, only to her brother (and sometimes her lovely redheaded girlfriend).

notes:

if anyone international is reading this, ASL is shortened for american sign language (language of the hands).

+

this is a revised and edited version from when i wrote it on ao3 in 2018.

The only person that knew was Pietro. It was her little secret, and she could only hope that no one now would find out. She knew she shouldn't be ashamed, it was nothing to be ashamed over. Unsurprisingly however, it became her biggest insecurity – years of relentless bullying ensued that.

Wanda was always anxious. When she was seven she began experiencing panic attacks. The metallic taste of blood in her mouth became familiar over time as her panic attacks worsened.

All because she was mute and didn't feel comfortable to speak to anyone, including her parents. The only person Wanda felt comfortable enough to talk to was her brother (you could say that's because they're twins).

A doctor in Sokovia mentioned to Wanda's parents that therapy may help, that it may get her to speak more than four words a week. So her parents moved her when she was 16 and hoped for the best.

Within a year and a half Wanda was able to develop a clear understanding of American Sign Language. Eight months into the move and Wanda's parents had given up on Wanda ever talking, something that she took personal. They didn't catch on to English as quick as the twins did, their native language stuck closer than expected. Pietro didn't mind learning English quickly as he wanted to fit in school, and he also didn't mind studying ASL to communicate with Wanda on a deeper level.

American high school wasn't much better than her hometown. People talked, whispered and gossiped about her in class, muttered hurtful things about her appearance and the way she carried herself; a shy, quiet, timid girl. The worst part of it was when they mocked her for using a language that was supposed to feel safe for her. Pietro always came to her rescue, shooing people away, reminding them that she's his sister. The silver haired boy had no problem fitting in, it was only when they were apart did people tease the younger brunette.

When their parents died, Wanda took the brunt of the emotional attack it had on the twins. She'd been sitting in the backseat of the car, earbuds in, with her music volume at maximum capacity. Her father had tried to tell her to turn down the music while her mother rest in the passenger seat, window down with her eyes closed. When Wanda didn't hear her father, he reached over, eyes off the road, and tapped her. The second she registered his touch a semi-truck hit her father's door. In a matter of minutes Wanda and Pietro both were left alone to fend for themselves.

Putting the blame on herself only caused her to shut down further. It took over a year for Wanda to speak to Pietro again.

But as per usual, the twins stuck together and finished high school. The only difference was that they lived in foster care, they belonged to the state, up for grabs if anyone wanted them. That came to an end six months into their stay. The foster family proposed the idea of adoption, they had no problem in taking care of the twins for the rest of the time being – or, if they wanted, every day after as well.

At twenty, Wanda and Pietro eventually both went to college and shared a house with a bundle of other people on campus. The younger sibling even found herself a girlfriend within the group, her name being Natasha Romanoff.

Natasha didn't mind at all how little Wanda talked. She was curious, of course, but even before their relationship Nat never pushed her girlfriend into anything uncomfortable. Natasha could tell Wanda always made effort though, that's what drove the brunette into allowing herself a relationship.

When the redhead would sleep, Wanda would continuously practice signing. She'd sign songs and poems, movie scripts and books, everything she possibly could to improve herself. It was a very personal, in touch form of language for her.

Wanda had been with her girlfriend a little over a year and Natasha still didn't know all the unpleasant factors that came about her life. Wanda only told her just enough to get by, and she felt immensely guilty for that. Truth was she desperately wanted to tell Natasha, she just didn't know how. She'd thought about just signing something to her and hoping she would catch on, but figured that would be too much. Anxiety spiked in her chest and in her bones, and she was tired of feeling like a liar.

With a sigh, Wanda plopped down on her bed and pulled her phone out from her back pocket. Unlocking it, she went to her text messages and scrolled to Pietro's contact. When she was sure no one else was in the house, she tapped the call button and listened to the phone ring until Pietro answered.

"You know I'm in the other room, right? You literally could've called my name." He greeted, accent heavy through the speaker.

Wanda giggled as she ran her fingers through her hair. You're safe. Speak, it's okay. She reminded herself.

"Yeah, but are you free?"

"Always."

"Can you come here? I need to ask you about something." Pietro gave out a loud, playful sigh but walked to her room, disconnecting the call on his way in. "What is it, my dear sister? What could possibly be troubling you here on this day? Is it that scruffy redhead?" He smirked arrogantly but sat down in the desk chair across from Wanda, not failing to notice how she rolled her eyes.

"She doesn't have scruffy hair and you know it. It's soft, gentle – and much less damaged than your shit show of an excuse for bleached hair."

"Whatever you say, little chaos."

Wanda groaned, "Why must you still call me that?"

"It suits you well."

There was a shared moment of silence between the two before Pietro spoke up. "What was it you wanted to ask me about?" A small frown was plastered on Wanda's face and Pietro found himself wanting to know even more now. Wanda waited another minute before finally answering. "Should I tell her? You know, about..."

A huge smile took over her brother's face. He was ecstatic that she wanted this for her girlfriend. "Of course you should! I really think she'd be interested to know more about you – y'know, since you don't ever tell her anything."

"I tell her things!" Pietro shook his head, "Does she even know your birthday?" Wanda nodded and turned herself away from him. "I just don't know how to do it. I mean it'd be kind of heavy just taking her out to dinner only to tell her my deepest, darkest secret afterwards. I'm scared she'll hate me, Pietro! And I've never even spoke. More than like, 12 sentences all at once with her!" He softened knowing how much trouble one past  had caused his little sister. "Write her a note?" He suggested, but she shook her head. "I want to tell her, not write her."

Right before he was about to speak again there was a knock at the door. The pair looked up to find Natasha standing in the doorway smiling down at the two. "Am I interrupting?"

Wanda froze while Pietro arrogantly raised his eyebrow and announced his answer. "No. We were just finished talking."

Confusion was written on Nat's face and she stood there until Wanda shook her head and muttered a small "No," giving her the signal that she could come in.

"I'll be in the other room if you need me." Pietro got up, despite Wanda's silent plea for him to stay. He gave her a thumbs up and left the room.

Natasha closed the door and laid next to Wanda, wrapping her arms around the younger woman. "You okay?" Wanda nodded in reply and Natasha knew not to push. For now she'd just keep an eye on her, reassuring her that she could talk to her if need be.

Over the next few days Wanda seemed to be doing better. She was supposed to go to a party with Nat, but opted out to study for classes instead.

"Be safe," she whispered and planted a small kiss on Natasha's lips.

Everyone else went to the same party, leaving the house to just Wanda. She sent out a group message telling everyone to text her or ring her (at the very most importance) if they needed a ride. Wanda didn't drink much anyways so she didn't mind being the designated driver of the bunch. And besides, she didn't mind having some time alone, it gave her the absence of the boys so she could study.

However, after over an hour or so of studying Wanda was beginning to feel stressed. Her nerves were building and she could feel her jaw clench.

She needed a break.

With a small sigh, she got up and connected her phone to her speaker. After scrolling and clicking on her song of choice, Wanda found herself signing the words to a Modest Mouse song.

Green eyes closed as her hands began to string along with the words of the song. It was rather fast paced, but Wanda was able to keep up fairly well thanks to years of practice. Lyrics flowed through her fingertips and in the palms of her hands, her stress levels immediately decreasing as she went on.

Unbeknownst to her, however, Natasha was standing in the doorway watching her every move. She was absolutely mesmerized by Wanda's hand motions. Her finger spelling was very fast, and Natasha was curious to know how long Wanda had known ASL.

When the song was over, Wanda stopped her music and moved herself so she could study again. She grabbed her pens, pencils and highlighters, along with her textbook while her back faced Natasha.

"I didn't know you could sign." Natasha commented. A mix of shock and uneasiness quickly took over the calm look on Wanda's face.

It wasn't until then when Tasha put two and two together. She quickly rushed over to her girlfriend, and carefully engulfed her into a hug.

"Hey, no, I think it's really cool. You don't have to worry now, your secret's safe with me." Wanda began to shake in her grasp, tears forming in her eyes. She backed out of the embrace and against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest.

"No, you're supposed to hate me, laugh at me. You're supposed to be anything but be cool with it." Natasha tilted her head, "Is that what they did to you?"

Wanda peaked out from underneath her arms, the confirmative nod sent Natasha's heart well beyond sinking. She’d never understand how people could willingly be so cruel.

"I'm here to listen, not judge." Her words softly echoed in Wanda's mind, and she watched Natasha carefully to see if she was lying. When she didn't make any remarks or snide comments, Wanda knew it was safe. Accent heavy, she began letting words slip from her mouth.

"I have really bad anxiety when it comes to talking, so I just don’t. Asl makes it easier to communicate, but growing up I was often teased for it. You’re really good at reading me without it, so I hid it from you. Guess their words still haunt me...” Wanda finished, giving Natasha a little more insight on her life.

Natasha moved closer to her girlfriend, bringing Wanda’s shaking body into her embrace. She then kissed the top of her forehead.

Wanda looked up to see Natasha thinking, her eyebrows scrunched together and she was chewing on her lip. She nudged her.

“I think it’s quite beautiful if you ask me.” Wanda cracked a smile and rest her head on Tasha’s shoulder. “Beauty comes from pain, I guess.”

But Natasha shook her head, “No, No, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Wanda nodded. She understood what Natasha was saying, she just didn’t believe it to be true when it came to herself. Nonetheless, she spoke the words, repeating the mantra so that maybe she could start to feel a belief in them.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

#wandanat #scarletwidow #scarlet witch x black widow #wanda x natasha #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader

[catchmewiddershins]

ahh ok ok, it's good !! i'm only halfway thru but mAN, i'm hooked HAHA, and abt the type, mmm i don't really have a preference tbh, i just take a look at the blurb and if it's interesting to me, then i send a message to my mom n she decided whether to buy it or not

as for recs, i've only gotten into reading recently, but i have a few that i've been wanting to read

- agatha christie seems to be pretty popular, and i think she writes on horror, so i'll look into that

- there's also this guy, anthony horowitz, and i'm very interested in reading a book of his, the word is murder (it's out of stock on our local bookstore, so i'm just waiting on it)

- one of us is lying and one of us is next is popular with my friends and classmates, so i'm interested in it as well

but do you have any book recs? i'd like to get more into it, but i haven't been able to find a lot of good ones ; i dont mind the genre, i just get at what seems interesting to me, so feel free to drop your favorites :D

HMMMM IMMA CHECK THAT ONE OUT :DD

ok so what you got sounds good I'll give you some basic recs because I want to explore the genre a bit more myself lol (my sister also really wants to read One of us is Lying lol)

Classics (not old but like... famous):

- an Inspector Calls - a play that's quite famous, it's a script so it's all dialogue and the story is revealed through an interrogation it's a classic for a reason :) - An inspector comes to the house of a rich family in the (oh dear) like mid 1800s? Anyway he claims that they are all guilty of driving a working class woman to suicide and the whole story is slowly revealed it's so GOOD

- Oedipus Rex - ok this is an old classic but :)))) what can I say - it's another play and it's good! Technically it's a tragedy but the plot of the tragedy is Oedipus trying to solve a mystery - chances are you know the ending but that's the point, knowing the ending creates tension as he tries to figure it out and you wonder when the ball is going to drop

- Sherlock Holmes - I... I haven't actually read these but one of my best friends has and she KEEPS bugging me to read them so it's on the list because it's a classic and also my bestie likes them

- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Pretty short! And so so good! You probably recognise the story and it has it's fame for a reason... t's written from the POV of this Judge? I think? I can't remember his career, anyway he becomes involved in these murders and he decides to find out who's doing it and then track the perpetrator down and it's also sci-fi and psychological I believe anyway definite recommendation

Lower level (so like ages 11 - 15? I mean that's the age I was when I read them so):

- The Mysterious Benedict Society series - honestly? I want to reread these because a television adaption is coming out and I'm mad about some of the cuts they made - it's about a group of children recruited to stop someone from brainwashing the world

- the Lady Grace mysteries - definitely around the 11/12 age when I read these so they're quite an easy read but what can I say I still like them and easy reads are good and fun - it's set in the late 1500s and the main character is Grace, goddaughter to Queen Elizabeth the first, and she becomes a private detective for the Queen for various murders happening around court while outwitting the official (male) detective who thinks that her observations are worth pretty much nothing - she also has to keep it a secret from the other Maids of Honour (like ladies in waiting but... nobles)

- Orphan Monster Spy - ok I loved this when I read it at... 13/14/15? Anyway it's about a Jewish girl in WW2 who goes undercover at a school for nazi's children to gather information it is very good

- The murder most unladylike series - OK this I read at 10/11/12 as well but just because books are for younger audiences doesn't mean they aren't gripping and they're often more creative! My sister is reading this atm and she loves it ehe - it's two girls at a boarding school that start solving mysteries together

Higher Level (so like... 15/16/17? When I read or have been recommended and all that jazz):

- Oryx and Crake - This is written by Margaret Atwood which means it's good. The woman is a legend! Handmaid's Tale COULD be considered thriller or smth like it's sci-fi but like... cmon so that's another rec by her. My English teacher and my mum keep recommending me this but I haven't started it yet... general consensus is it's good though!

- Jane Harper - She's an author who's mysteries are apparently pretty good? I have one and they all seem to be popular sooooo a recommendation :)

- The Declaration + sequels - These are written by Gemma Malley and ALL I CAN REMEMBER ABOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE is that when I was taking my GCSE mocks (I was 15 half of us were 16) we had to do revision in an exam hall and um anyway I read this book and the Resistance instead and did not do any revision I was hooked - not really a mystery or crime technically I don't think but definitely that vibe - Basically it's a future world where children just aren't a thing? The government has designed drugs for longevity and kids born outside of the law become 'surplus' and are all housed together but this girl meets a boy from outside (I cannot for the life of me remember if they get together or not) and they escape and go to investigate the government and where these drugs are coming from

I'll add more if I read them... IDEA! This list will have a tag (#wid's book recs! and #wid's mystery recs!) so I'll add recs to it when I get them so it'll be constantly evolving and I'll do the same for other genres at some point! I had a few more that I wanted to add but I forgot and the cat is being clingy

#🕰️ deiseil #clockhand: maia 💥 #hour hands! #wid talks books #wid's book recs! #wid's mystery recs!

[wilstudies]

Hi! I'm doing my GCSEs next summer and I didn't end up doing any revision this summer, which I know isn't too much of an issue cause there's still time, but I'm wondering - if I do an hour's revision a night for about 4/5 nights a week where I make revision resources starting in September and start memorising things and doing past papers after my January mocks and increase nightly revision to 2/3 hours, will that be enough as long as I'm learning things well? Thanks :)

hi there! it’s great to hear from you and see that you’re being proactive with your studies over the summer, that mindset will get you really far in your education!

• in my opinion, it’s more so down to the amount of time you spend on revising a specific subject, rather than in general.

• it took me from the start of the year until around march to figure out a system that worked for me, so don’t be afraid to try new things (ulitmately, gcses are just preparation for a-levels and further education, however, they are important to allow you to move onto these pathways.

• in the end, i settled with this spreadsheet where i logged how much revision i would do per day, per subject. throughout the week, it would add it all up and tell me how far away from my goal i was, in real time. if you’re interested in trying this, here’s a video on how to make a copy of someone’s sheet.

• personally, i wouldn’t recommend starting proper revision right from the get go in september.

• instead, perhaps, spend the last one or two weeks of summer gathering your notes and making them into revision material (tip: scan them in with an app like notebloc or a usual printer-scanner and have them saved to your phone, for on-the-go revision).

• once school starts again, make sure you are very on top of making revision resources; when you get into the flow of your revision, condesing notes will seem like too much time spent.

• don’t be afraid to find other people’s mindmaps or flashcards online, if exams start drawing nearer and you’d be better off practising exam technique and knowledge application - but use these as a last resort.

• spend the months before mocks making a list of weak areas and pay extra attention to filling in those gaps in your knowledge, as you’ll want your main revision to be revisiting and consolidating already well-grasped concepts through practise papers.

• leave cracking down on this “main revision” until about a month before your mocks.

• then after mocks, take the next week to relax and reward yourself as it can be pretty stressful and exhausting if it’s your first taste of the exam experience!

• then over the next three weeks, or so, after that, review areas of weakness, that were made prevalent by the mock exam process. i’d also recommend making cover sheets for each paper with corrections, and a sticky note of topics to look back over.

• then slowly integrate the “main revision” until you get back into the swing of things.

these are all just my recommendations, feel free to bounce off this structure in order to find what works best for you. and remember, that on the scale of things, this is just a small (but necessary) stepping stone!

i hope this helps, my lovely! <3

#gcses #gcses 2021 #gcses revision #alevels #studyblr #studyspo #advice #revision #willow bushell

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I don't know if this could be taken the wrong way, so let me just say that I'm approaching this with the utmost respect and admiration for you work: would you ever consider writing a "how to" kind of tutorial for how to structure a smut fic? I love your fics and would love to get a sense of your process, since mine apparently does not work for me anymore.

Okay, phew, this took me far longer to get to than I’d hoped, my apologies, nonny! I’ve never considered writing a “how to” before, since I don’t really see myself as an expert or a teacher, and everyone’s process is very personal and subjective. But I hope this sort of slap-dash tutorial will help you in your writing endeavors!

Warning: NSFW and “crude” language ahead, since I’ll be damned if I’m bothering to use a bunch of euphemisms while I’m literally talking about writing sex scenes.

So You Wanna Earn that “E” Rating: One Kinky Idiot’s Guide to Writing Smut

(Shut up, I’m hilarious.)

First Steps: Before You Write

Okay, so, I say this pretty much anyone asks me for writing advice about something, no matter what the topic might be: start with research.

Shocking as this might be, I have not had sex with a vampire, a dragon, or a werewolf (yet, hit me up, I’m single). This is pretty easy for the reader to assume, since most of us have not met a vampire or any other supernatural creature (alas). But a lot of the other sex stuff I write about I haven’t done, either, and same with a lot of other writers. For example, I have never given a blowjob to an uncircumcised man. Garcia Flynn is from Europe, where it’s a lot more common for Gentiles (non-Jews) to be uncircumcised, so it made sense for him to still have a foreskin (compared to Wyatt Logan, being American where most men regardless of religion are circumcised). So when writing sex scenes, especially blowjob scenes, I had to know what the fuck to do with the foreskin.

RESEARCH!!!!

Research can also be kind of helpful in the erotic sense. Most articles such as “how to use a vibrating dildo” can be very straightforward and clinical, but the detail of their descriptions can help you to start picturing the sex scene you want to write.

So before anything else: if you don’t have the hands-on experience, RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. This includes reading other smut fics that have whatever it is you want to write about! I read a lot of gay smut before I wrote two men getting it on, seeing as I am not a man (I am as swift as a coursing river and have the strength of a raging fire but, alas, do not possess the force of a great typhoon and I am the farthest thing from mysterious as the dark side of the moon).

Another thing some fellow smut writers have found helpful is watching porn. They’re much more visual than I am, and so seeing things acted out, even if they’re acted in a cheesy way, can help them to get creative juices flowing and visualize what they want their characters to do. I do not like porn, since I am a fucking snob and criticize the lighting, the script, and the camera angles the entire time.

Yes, I’m a great time at parties, thanks for asking.

Also? Masturbation. YES I’M SERIOUS. Think long and hard (ha) about what turns you on when you’re touching yourself. I don’t just mean that fantasy about the pirate captain, I mean literally, what parts of yourself does it feel good to touch? Do you like to tease and take your time, or get right to it and be a little rough? Do you prefer big dildos that fill you up or a small vibrator that concentrates on your clit?

What you like and how you want to be touched is a great way to start.

Part Two: How to Get Your Blank Word Doc To Stop Mocking You

I usually start my smut scenes one of two ways. The first way is generally for my oneshots: WHAT KINK ARE WE GOING TO GET EVERYONE INTO TODAY??? LET’S SPIN THE WHEEL!!! *game show theme music*

The second way is more for my multichapter fics, which is: what is the purpose of the sex scene? Why are these characters having sex?

Everyone has times where they have sex just ‘cause they wanna have it. That’s what PWPs are for. “I’m horny and I want to read someone getting two cocks in their vagina/being tied up and made to orgasm five times/fucked against a wall.” Great! Excellent. Wonderful. For those cases I ask myself, “well, if I were in Character A’s shoes, what would I find hot?” I consider the person’s personality, and then roleplay in my head what would feel good to me to do. Then I swap and do the same thing through Character B’s shoes.

For example, I am very submissive in bed. I want my partner to tell me what to do (not all the time but when we’re getting kinky). I do not want to be the one giving orders. Lucy Preston, however, is dominant in bed. She wants to be in control. So when I write sex scenes I can’t just say, as Lucy the woman, “oh I want him to hold me down and fuck me,” because that doesn’t fit her characterization (at least, not the characterization I see for her). That’s important to consider, always.

CHARACTERIZATION IS KEY!!!! I can’t tell you how many damn good fics I was into until I got to a part where a character was acting OOC and it took me completely out of the story. Most recently, I was reading this hilarious and sexy smut oneshot that I was absolutely in love with–until I got to the end, and Character B, who is known for being very taciturn and not good with words, started spouting off all this really earnest and romantic stuff.

Look, there are ways that a taciturn person, who isn’t good with words, can be earnest. Having them say cliche romantic stuff is not it. I was completely taken out of the story and that saddened me because I loved it up until that part.

***Interlude***

A good example of this is pet names! Pet names that characters call each other really showcase their personality. For example, I have Flynn call Lucy moja draga and moja ljubav which are Croatian for, respectively, “my darling” and “my love.” But he calls Wyatt moj tigriću which is Croatian for “my tiger,” because it just doesn’t fit the snarky, chaotic, initially-adversarial Wyatt/Flynn relationship for them to call one another “my love” or “my darling.” Wyatt calls Flynn “babe” in a way that started out sarcastic and became a habit before he could stop it.

I could go on (the trio has a lot of pet names for each other) but my point is, the pet names fit their personalities and their dynamics. Gotta do the same for your sex scenes! People don’t just become porn stars when they have sex, they’re still themselves!

***Interlude Outro***

Okay, so that’s PWP But what if it’s in a longer fic? What if this is the sex the characters have been building towards for 50k, 100k, 200 FUCKING THOUSAND WORDS WHAT THE FUCK–

*ahem*

Anyway, if you do that, then of course it’s not just about “hey I’m horny and have a thing for being spanked.” There have to be reasons why. Consider the circumstances. Is it a release of tension? Did they just have an argument and they’re running high on adrenaline? Did one of them just suffer a loss and they want physical intimacy to feel comforted? Why are they having sex now, instead of at another time, and once you figure that out, that’ll set the tone for the whole thing.

This was something I really struggled with in The Thing With Shadows Is (They Come From Light, From Somewhere). The setup for that fic is that Lucy was a dominatrix at a BDSM club, and needs to become one again to go undercover and get personal information on Rittenhouse members. To maintain her cover, only one person will be in contact with her, by posing as a client and doing BDSM scenes with her. The person chosen is Flynn.

This was a bit of a shameless excuse to have Flynn and Lucy fucking every chapter, but having characters doing sexy stuff to each other every chapter can get boring quickly. So every chapter I was thinking, why are they doing this. Why are they being sexually intimate? What are their emotional states? What do they want, and what are they not saying to each other? What is coming out through the sex because they’re refusing to use their words?

The why will immediately dictate what sex stuff actually happens in your scene. If a character is, say, grieving the death of a loved one and wants intense physical comfort, they’re probably going to want to be on the bottom (missionary position) so that the weight of the other person on top of them grounds them. Or, perhaps they would like to be on top, so that the other person can wrap their arms around them, and they feel held and cared for. Perhaps they want to do it with the other person behind them, kneeling, arms around them, so that they feel held but they don’t look at the other person’s face, because they can’t handle that kind of intimacy right now with all the emotions they’re struggling with.

But on the contrary–maybe they want to be fucked hard and rough, taken out of their heads, made to not think about anything at all! All of these are viable choices based on the character, and it’s up to you!

Comparing it to yourself can really help. How would you want to have sex in that given situation?

Is the sex tender? Is it explosive? Is it frantic and on the floor of the foyer with their clothes mostly on because they can’t get enough of each other and they’ve waited too damn long already? Or is it done slow and soft in a bed, fully naked, their hands interlocked, staring into each other’s eyes? What the characters are feeling and why they’re having this sex now, here, will help with that.

Figure all that out, then projectile vomit it onto the page.

Part Three: Revision, or, Taking Your Darlings Out Back and Shooting Them

Once I finish vomiting unleash my first draft, then that’s where the research comes in. I read the scene over again and go, okay, well, this and this and this are very hot, but this position here isn’t physically possible. Or I can add in bits of realism like, okay, here’s a part where I can describe the safeword, or how she tied the knots, or what the vibrator looked like.

Your first draft is where you just vomit up whatever you find sexy. Because if you keep stopping along the way to interject realism or to double-check everything, you’ll never get finished. Save that for the second draft.

And by the way–I’m using the word ‘vomit’ for a very important reason. The goal of your first draft is for it simply to exist. So often we want perfection immediately, and that’s not gonna happen. If you aim for perfection, your story will never be finished. It doesn’t matter how crappy your first draft is. What matters is that it exists.

So. Revision time. Now, fanfiction can be, say it with me folks, ESCAPISM.

LOUDER FOR THE PURITANS IN THE BACK!!!

FANFICTION CAN BE ESCAPISM!!!!!!!

So sometimes that means your sex is a little too good to be true, sometimes the BDSM practices are a little unrealistic (who the fuck is going to survive ten orgasms without a break, the closest I got was five and I got a fuckin’ UTI out of the deal), and so on. But! Don’t break the rules until you know what the rules are! Learn the rules! Do your research! Then you can break them without breaking your readers’ sense of realism.

For example, I have read fics where the person was tied up and had an unreasonable amount of vibrator orgasms, and yeah, probably in real life, there should’ve been a pee break in there somewhere, they should’ve stretched their limbs, taken a breather. But it was a damn good fic to fantasize.

On the other hand, I was rudely jolted out of a fic I read once when the dom fit his FIST inside the sub’s MOUTH.

I tried it, guys. My hand is not that big. It did not work. I was literally reading the fic screeching YOU’VE DISLOCATED HIS JAW, HIS JAW IS NOW DISLOCATED, OH MY FUCKING GOD.

So yeah. Do your research so that you know how to break reality in fun ways that enhance the sexiness, not in weird random ways that take your readers out of the story.

Going back in and looking at your sex fantasy (because that’s what your first draft was, a sex fantasy) through the lens of your research and your critical eye ensures that you can add in details that make it more realistic, and sexier.

When you’re three fingers deep (or jacking off, I don’t know, whatever your genitalia is) and you’re picturing your favorite actor fucking you, you’re not thinking about the details.

Unless you’re me in which case you halt halfway through because no no we should’ve taken our shirts off in the hallway and then she could pick me up–rewind, let’s take it one more time from the top…

And that’s good! You’re flooded with endorphins, you’re chasing an orgasm, who the fuck cares about logistics! But it’s an experience that’s just for you, in your head. When you’re writing a story, you’re giving that experience to someone else, so you have to provide them with as many details as you can so that they can experience that fantasy, too.

Of course, all rules are meant to be broken. There are times when a lack of detail is good, and fits the mood. My smut scene at the end of Love You Like a Killer (I Want To Make Your Heart Stop) was very mood-oriented, very emotional, very much about release and the connection between these characters. I had them make love during a goddamn thunderstorm of all things. So I didn’t go into huge detail about whose throbbing cock was where and so on. Because going into too much detail would’ve ruined the dreamy, emotional, romantic-music-swelling mood I was going for.

But yes, revisions, add in all those lovely realistic details about logistics (I have drawn stick figures in the past to figure out sex positions, do what you must) and things I learned from my research, and ta-da!

Part Four: Random Information I Find Helpful

Variety is the spice of sex. Be careful not to overuse words. This is something you tackle after you revise, when you’re on the more nit-picky stage. If you find yourself using the word “yet” a lot, or you’ve drawn attention to someone’s “massive” cock three times in the last paragraph or said that she spoke “breathlessly” a dozen times… grab the thesaurus.

Fanfiction is often escapism, that means it’s okay to sometimes leave out mundane details like “hey are you on birth control,” using a condom, peeing right after sex, tying your hair back so it’s not in your mouth while you eat them out/blow them, etc. You can use those details! But don’t feel shackled by them if you feel they take the reader out of the moment. Use your discretion.

Cock and dick are the words to use. Prick is okay but it depends on your audience–it’s a very British/UK term, but as an American it’s kind of a weird word to me (it always makes me picture his dick as like three inches long). Use your discretion. “Shaft” works if you’re stroking it or blowing it (i.e. she swallowed around his shaft) and don’t overuse the word. Personally I find “cock” is more erotic than “dick” so I tend to use dick for non-sexy moments and cock for when I’m trying to turn on the reader, but again, that’s personal preference.

For the love of God just call it her entrance, her pussy, her cunt. None of these ridiculous euphemisms. “Her lower lips”? What the fuck. Be careful not to overuse pussy/cunt though because those are unfortunately also used as insults so if you use it too much, readers can find it too crude. Find a balance. Yes it sucks. (Or y’know generally avoid using any term altogether which is what I do yes I’m aware I have a hangup stop looking at me like that.)

Common sense should always prevail. Know your biology. A 40 year old man is not going to get it up again five minutes after coming. A 20 year old man is going to have shit stamina. Characters should not be having athletic sex after they’ve been stabbed. Nobody can deep throat a cock without choking on their first time. And so on.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you don’t know how to describe the knots you’re using to tie your character up, then don’t describe it! Just say Character A tied them up! A good rule of thumb is if you don’t know how to describe something logistically, focus instead on how the character feels while it’s happening. Are they exhilarated by being tied up? Nervous? Describe that instead.

 It’s okay to write something you haven’t done. I was writing smut (well praised and enjoyed smut) long before I ever had sex (on a similar note, hey, it’s okay if you don’t have sex until your mid-twenties or even later, you do not have a “sell by” date, okay?). Don’t be afraid to ask questions of people you trust, if you want first-hand information.

Take. Your. Time. Don’t rush it! Savor it. Enjoy it. Really dive into it. Nobody likes rushed sex in real life and nobody likes rushed smut.

And last but not least, have fun! This should be fun, titillating, this is your fantasy about these two characters. Enjoy it. Maybe your kinks aren’t someone else’s kinks, but your goal isn’t to please everyone (that’s impossible) or even to write what you think will be the most popular. It’s to write what you want, and what you find sexy. So experiment! Enjoy!

We all have moments of writer’s block. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. I hope this was all helpful, dear nonny, and I hope that you’ve having a wonderful day and that you get your smut writing mojo back!

yes that was an Austin Powers reference I’m sorry I couldn’t resist please forgive me

#mads answers things #smut #fanfiction #fanfiction writing #writing #writing advice #smut writing #what the fuck else should I tag this #I was so tempted to specifically reference some really bad fics I read back in the day on FF.net #but I resisted #because I am (sometimes) capable of being mature #I had way too much fun with this