#this is just a trauma dump I'm sorry guys I need this out of my system

[myazavier]

First of all this is so wild yall this acc is a bastardisation of my deadname (based on some nickname but spelt wrong) but hi ig I'm back to rant.

I'm just so sick n tired of my parents and I just feel so bad when I see them emotionally neglecting my brother. they've just had another kid n they have just started w the barrage of "shut up idc that you're upset" and he just wants his mum to give him the attention she gave him before. but they won't. and I can't stop feeling guilty for it, as if I can fix anything. I'm still a fucking kid but I have the intense need to make sure he doesn't end up how I did. that he feels loved. they act surprised when he acts the way they raised him to. they've already started the "stop that you're not a child!" as if he isn't a 6 year old. but why is it my fault? why do I have to pick up the slack? this is one of the most important academic years of my fucking life. and I now also feel guilty for not being a pseudo parent

quite frankly I'm just sick and tired. I'm sick of my dad already thinking I've had my 18th birthday. any other birthday I'd not really care. hes never been very present, why would he know how old I am? but he didn't even remember whether his oldest child was a legal adult yet. and then I'm the issue for being upset about it. I'm sick about the fact that I can never say this ever to anyone in school despite literally treating my physics teacher as a pseudo mom figure, because I know the potential safeguarding fallout. I don't even know if I'm a safeguarding issue anymore. am I telling everyone too much? am I too much? ugh that's just my mentally ill thoughts again just I thought I was doing okay.

I really thought I was doing well. but ig nothing can ever change. I'm still fucking traumatised. because when will I ever not be. its not like they're ever going to get better. it's not like I'm not going to be unable to walk and then get told off when I agree to accepting things people offer bc I'm "selfish" for being,,, yknow,,, too disabled to put weight on my leg rn. and then given the things but in a way that still makes me feel awful. and I'm just sick and tired

and they're just fucking sick. who treats a child like this? who decides that this is how you act? I never got a fucking childhood. I didn't know how to talk to people until fucking ages 12 because noone talked to me as a child. I was a fucking cunt. and hurt people. and got hurt. and yknow what, who else can I blame it on? if I got better n treat people better, clearly I just wasn't taught how to act. and whose fault is that? the parents who did the exact same thing they're doing to my brother to me. caring for (rather than 6, 2) and then tossing me aside for the next tiny thing to come along n be loved.

I spose the one good thing about this is that I can feel again. I have the ability to *feel* the traumatic event when it happens. I have the ability to feel my parents slowly chip away at me as a person and deal w it that day. which feels like a backhanded achievement. my brain has decided I'm strong enough to see the reality of where I am. and I hate it

but hey. 1 year to freedom. 1 year til I move out to uni and I can live away from them. they can't hurt me if they can't interact with me, right? it's really the only thing keeping me holding on

#mya vents #trauma dump #this is just a trauma dump I'm sorry guys I need this out of my system #tw childhood abuse #tw ablism #tw abuse #am I really just downloading tumblr every time I have a problem to come n complain n then to log off? apparently

[satorusugurugurl]

My Wedding Date is an Escort!

Summary: When invited to your best friend's wedding, you panic. One of the groomsmen, Toji Fushiguro, is your ex-fiancè. Not wanting to deal with probing questions and the embarrassment of being single, your friend Haibara recommends using an Escort! Taking a leap of faith, you book one, the hottest one. Gojo Satoru is hot, sweet, and funny! The package deal! Men and Women pay thousands to go on a date with him (even more, which he doesn't do often). So when your request comes in, the desperation and pleading tone of your voice. Gojo’s heartthrobs, even more so when you tell him you don't want to have sex.

Pairing: Escort!Gojo x FAB Reader

Word Count: 3,882

Warning: Mentions of depression, anxiety, language, steamy kisses, pillow walls

A/N: Ah yes, trauma dumping before things get super spicy!!! Love the communication, it’s giving this could be a great relationship but it’s complicated. If you want to be included in the tag list, you MUST have your age in your bio PLEASE!!! Thank you!!

Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five

Your breathless words had the world crashing down around Satoru as he stared at your flushed face. His eyes widened as he released you, his own heart hammering in his chest. He had never lost control like that before! But there was this pull in his chest, one that screamed that he needed to protect you from the walking douchebag with black hair away from his; no, what the fuck? Not his girl, his client! 

“Holy fuck, I'm sorry! Shit, uhm, I shouldn't have done that.” Satoru grumbled, scrubbing his hands down his face. “I’m sorry.”

Your fingers trailed slowly over your lips. They were still tingling. “No, it's okay. I almost blew our cover.” Satoru slowly dragged his hands down his face, his eyes transfixed on you as you spoke. “That was all part of the act. If you didn't do that, it wouldn't have looked as convincing.”  Satoru visibly seemed to relax, shoulders slumping as he sighed.

“Thank fuck.” 

“It was just weird.” 

“I'm sorry?”A white eyebrow cocked up at your words. “Me kissing you was weird? Was it bad?” 

Your face flushed more, the heat spreading across your cheeks before setting over your chest. “Oh god, that came out wrong!” Your hands shot up in defense. “I-I didn't mean like that, Satoru! I just—I haven't kissed anyone in over a year and a half. So I guess I just—yeah, I’m rusty.”

“No,” you jerked your head up, “no, it was nice.” Stunning blue eyes softened, making you swallow hard. He thought it was nice. He is the hottest man on the planet, and ESCORT thought kissing you was nice.

What the fuck was this life?

Snapping out of the trance Satoru had you in; you cleared your throat. “I-I think I’m gonna take a s-shower!” You tossed the extra pillow to the futon on the floor. “Oh, and uhm, that kiss was nice for me too.” You turned, bolting for the bathroom before slamming the door. 

You slowly slid down it, sitting on the ground as you touched your lips. Satoru had such soft lips. It felt really good being kissed like you were wanted. No, no, it was an act! It's all an act. An act that had Satoru pacing the floor as he ran his hand through his hair.

It was only once he heard the shower running that he sat on the ground. What the fuck was that?! His pale skin was almost red as he tugged at white tufts of hair. He never got flustered with clients before! Maybe he was going insane. He must be because his mind keeps replaying the kiss repeatedly. 

The way you stiffened, how your hands gripped him so tight as he kissed you like he had never kissed a client before. Satoru slapped both his cheeks before shaking his head. That breathtaking kiss was nothing more than him doing his job. He was looking out for you as a client. Yeah, that was it. That asshole of a guy was the reason his heart was still racing as he thought of you and your lips.

By some miracle, both of you managed to pull your thoughts away from the kiss. You showered before switching with Satoru. He finally came out ten minutes later, grinning as he witnessed you placing the four extra pillows down the middle of the futon. You fluffed, pushed, and sat back to assess your constriction before repeating the process repeatedly until Satoru barked out a laugh from behind.

“Quit the impressive wall you’ve built.” Looking over your shoulder, you watched Satoru pull a tank top over his head. He slowly pulled it down over chiseled abs that had to have been crafted by a Renaissance artisan. Because there was no way those were real. “I’ve never had a client do that before.”

”Please don’t take it personally.” You whispered under your breath before fluffing another pillow. “It makes me feel a bit better; I haven’t shared a bed with anyone in a while.”

“Hey, no worries, whatever makes you feel comfortable, you keep doing it.”

God, why was he so nice? Sure, you paid him the big bucks to pretend to be your boyfriend. But that didn’t mean he had to be so understanding and kind regarding your antics. If anything, you would have assumed your pillow wall would have irritated anyone. You know for a fact that Toji would have hated it.

His kind, understanding patience had you transfixed on his movements as you both settled into bed. You were on your side, facing him as he stared at the ceiling, his hands resting behind his head. The silence wasn’t at all awkward. It was comforting in a way. You didn’t have to force yourselves to make dreadful small talk; you could enjoy the silence. 

The silence, however, had questions eating away at your insides. “Satoru?” Your voice mingled with chirping crickets and the warm spring breeze outside. You waited until his head turned in your direction before you continued. “Would it be okay if I asked you a question?” His face softened as he nodded his head.

”Of course.” 

“Why did you become an escort?”

Satoru chuckled, rolling onto his side so you both faced each other. “I think I’ve answered that question about a million times, so it’s easy.” His arm snaked around one of the pillows between you, hugging it to his chest. “I come from a pretty influential clan. It’s all about power, money, and success with them, and being an only child, they expected a lot from me.” His eyes rolled. “The old geezers kept going about when I would get married and have my own kids. And I didn't want anyone else feeling that way.” A cunning smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “So, I became an escort to help people.” He snickered, hugging the pillow tighter. “Plus, I get to annoy those controlling old farts. So it’s a win-win for me. But I still handle my family affairs; being an escort is like my second job.” His words were genuine, and they had you smiling.

”That’s actually really sweet.” You shifted, inching just a bit closer to him. “You seem like a genuinely nice guy, doing stuff like this for strangers.” You giggled nervously, shaking your head. “That speaks volumes; I know you’re a nice guy, but I don’t know a thing about you.”

”I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Honestly.”

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“Okay, so do you like sleeping with your clients? Or has sex lost its spark?” You watched him curiously.

He shrugged a shoulder, smirking. “Sex is still good when it's with a good partner. But I honestly don't sleep with a majority of my clients. One because, well, let's be honest, they can't afford it. I charge double the price of a single day for sex. So that's ¥240,000.” 

“For sex?!” 

“Yep! So people can't afford it, especially when I do family events like this. But I usually refuse; I don't particularly like sleeping with someone unless I know them. You know?” 

You hummed, and Satoru grinned, inching himself closer. Another one of your constructed pillows shifted out of the way. “I understand. I'm glad you have the right to refuse.” He nodded, blue eyes almost sparkling in the light of the moon flooding the room. “Have you ever been in love?” 

“Puppy love, nothing more than that.” Satoru pursed his lips in thought. “But I'm not opposed to falling in love someday.”

“God,” you groaned, rolling into your back, “look at me, asking you stupid questions like I’m in high school.”

Satoru sat up, laying on his elbow as he looked down at you with a pout. “No! No, I don't mind! I like talking to you.” He was leaning over you, smiling wide, white strands of hair falling in his face.

“I like talking to you too, Satoru.”

Satoru wanted to reach out and move Y/H/C strands out of your face. To see if your skin felt as soft as it looked, to feel your warmth. His hand moved, and just before it touched you, he dropped it, clenching it in the pillow

“Y/N, could I ask you something?” 

“Seeing as I asked you something, it's only fair.” You smiled, and it was so fucking cute Satoru wanted to bury his face in the pillow and kick his feet. Restraining his urge, he cleared his throat. 

“You mentioned your ex in passing. I'm assuming it was that asshole from earlier?” You frowned, nodding. “I don't like to pry or push my clients, but I keep thinking about what you said. What did you mean by ‘why didn't he?’ when I asked why he broke up with you.”

Sitting up, you sighed, eyes slowly shutting. Remembering that night was something you desperately tried to avoid. Satoru, however, had opened up to you, and he was helping you. Plus, he'd already caught a glimpse of Toji, so you might as well bite the bullet and tell him. 

Sucking in a deep breath, you exhaled slowly, bringing your knees to your chest, hugging them. “Toji Zen’in and I were high school sweethearts. He was my first for everything, so of course, I fell hard. We moved in together when we graduated high school into a small apartment in Kyoto. We got engaged at nineteen, and things went downhill.” Your grip tightened around yourself. “To make a painfully long story short, Toji developed a gambling habit, burning through his savings while I was in college.” The sheets shifted as Satoru sat up, turning to watch you with narrowed eyes.

“So, as a novice baker working at my parent's inn at twenty-one, I faced a dilemma. My fiancè was jobless, nonetheless, and behind on our rent.” The inside of your nose began to burn as tears threatened to escape. “I could leave him and focus on me and my career. I'd be losing my home and the supposed love of my life. Or I could use the money I saved up for pastry school to cover the rent we were behind on.” 

Sheets shifted, and a large hand gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look into Satoru’s eyes. “You didn’t.” The tears streaming down your cheeks answered his question. “Y/N—” A sad, broken laugh sounded in your chest. 

“I did. Used everything I saved up to keep us in our apartment for four years.” Nausea churned in your stomach as you laughed a little louder. “After all of that, everything I did, he broke off our engagement. He said he didn't love me, that he couldn't see himself with me five years down the road.” More tears fell down your cheeks, landing on the sheets. “Toji said I was too focused on my career, my dreams, that I was eating too many sweets. That I wasn't as exciting as I used to be.” Satoru’s gaze darkened as you spoke, watching you wipe uselessly at your eyes. “That devastated me, so I packed up, moved to Tokyo, and got pastry training. I haven't been back since.” 

“That fuckin’ dick!” Satoru looked obviously upset over everything coming out of your mouth. “Seriously, you're beautiful, god I hate people like that!” No one should ever be treated the way you have been. To take care of a partner, give up on a dream for someone who you were supposed to marry, to have them pull shit like that. It made Satoru sick to his stomach. 

“Yeah, I'm still trying to get over it. In a way, I guess I'm happy it happened because I feel like I wouldn't have gotten as far in my career as I have. But the scars are still there, along with the trust issues. I can't bring myself to date anyone, let alone have sex.” 

Oh. Satoru perked up at you mentioning sex. You had told him you didn't need sex. The reasoning behind that was like an itch he couldn't scratch. You brought it up, so he might as well take the opportunity to ask while he had that.

“Why is that? The sex part, I mean, you deserve your needs to be taken care of as much as the next person.”

“That my friend is because he broke up with me right after we had sex. Imagine just having an orgasm, and your boyfriend gets off of you and tells you he wants to break up before listing everything wrong with you.”

“Fuckin’ shithead.” Satoru wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest and hugging you as tightly as possible. “I'm so sorry you went through that. He's an asshole for doing that to you.” Satoru’s hand gently stroked your head as your face rested in the crook of his neck. “I hope you recover soon because you deserve to feel loved and happy.” His hand paused as he snickered. “And have mind-blowing sex that makes you forget all about those bullshit excuses he gave you.” 

Gojo Satoru’s words and tone were so genuine you found yourself smiling into his neck. Your arms wrapped around him as you lay down. “I hope so, too. Thank you, Satoru.” 

“No, thank you for sharing that with me; it means a lot.” 

The two of you stayed like that, his hand stroking your hair while you rested on his chest. Your pillow wall lasted thirty minutes and was never constructed again that night or the following one because there was a comfort you and Satoru found in each other.

The two of you had so much fun during the day. Laughing and talking as you would hang around with your family and friends. You told stories and jokes and went to dinners with the wedding party together. He got along well with everyone, and your friends liked him and his looks. At the same time, your parents admired him for helping around the inn, delivering towels to guests, and cleaning up with you. They saw him as a perfect partner, just like you had paid him to do it.

But you were beginning to wonder if it was just his job or just him being Gojo Satoru. The amount of laughing and talking you did in front and behind closed doors didn't feel like he was doing another job. He seemed to be enjoying himself truly. The days seemed to fly by, and it was hard to believe it was Wednesday night. Satoru walked you to the bar your friends were at for the bachelorette party. If it was Wednesday, you only had four days left with him. 

“Are you planning on getting drunk, like super drunk?” Satoru asked, looking at you from over his sunglasses. “Because that's a sight I would pay money to see.”

“Nah, I'll have a few drinks, but I don't like getting hammered drunk.” You gently bumped your shoulder into his side. “You sure you don't want to join us? The girls said they’re okay if you join.”

“Eh, I don't like drinking. I'm a lightweight, and it never appealed to me. If Suguru were here, oh, he'd be down.” You beamed up at him as he mentioned his one and only best friend. “Seriously, he'd love this shit. Being surrounded by girls, drinking with them.” Satoru shoved his hands in his pockets. “Seriously though, he'd love you. You two would get along great. I’ll have to introduce you to him when we get back to Tokyo.” 

His words struck you like a hot iron. He was pulling out his phone and checking the time, oblivious to what he had just said. The man you were paying to be your boyfriend for a week wanted to introduce you to his friend? His best friend! 

It had your heart fluttering as butterflies swarmed in your stomach. Satoru hadn't even corrected himself as he peered down at you, returning the warm and happy smile you were positive was tugging at your lips. God, you hadn't been this happy in so long.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” 

“Cool! We should set something up. Maybe we could get din—”

The door to the bar flew open, and your friends, all looking intoxicated, spotted you. “There she is! Hurry up, Y/N, you need to catch up!” the bride-to-be slurred as she reached for you. 

“Waaait!! Mina, let her say bye to Satoru!!” another bridesmaid said, smacking her arm. 

“Right! Right, sorry!”

You giggled, looking into Satoru’s cerulean eyes. “I'm being summoned. I should get going.” Gojo snorted, leaning down and kissing you on the lips. “I'll see you later.”

“Uhm, excuse me.” Mina had a disgusted look on her face. “What the fuck was that lame-ass kiss?” Your other friends nodded in agreement. “Satoru, what the fuck? Don't you like Y/N?” 

“Of course, I like my girlfriend Mina.” 

“Then kiss her like you mean it!!” 

You turned, giving Mina a look that could curdle dairy. “Mina, stop.” She flipped you off, her attention never leaving Satoru’s face.

“If I don't get to go to a strip club, I wanna see a steamy kiss!” The other girls whistled and cheered. “I want it steamy! I'm talking smutty romance-level shit!” 

“Mina!” 

“What you both are hot as fuck! Consider it a wedding gift!!”

“Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!!” 

Oh great, now your drunken friends were chanting, and bystanders were watching. With a grimace, you turned to the very amused Satoru, who stared down at the drunken girls before his gaze fixed on you.  He shrugged a shoulder as if saying, sure, why not? But he left the decision up to you.

While you were tempted not to make your poor pretend boyfriend a walking spectacle for a group of drunk women. The thought of having to listen to them bitch and moan about you being a party pooper was way worse. So you sighed before turning to face Satoru with a smile. 

“You heard them. If we do this, I can return the dish set we bought.” 

“You don't have to tell me twice.” 

Satoru grabbed you by the throat, pinning you against the wall of the bar. His lips slammed against yours in a heated kiss you'd only seen in movies. His tongue was licking your bottom lip, and you so willingly obliged, opening your mouth, allowing his tongue entrance. Satoru trailed the hand that was around your throat down your curves. His large hand gripped your hips as he growled. Fuck he tasted so good, like cola and vanilla candy. Your tongue moved against his, trying to taste more of him. 

While you tasted like strawberries and chocolate to him, it was like a symphony of tastes between your tongues. One that he didn't want to end, his knee pushed its way between your legs, pressing firmly over your clothes core, making you gasp into his mouth, eyes going wide as the intimate touch. Your moan only made Satoru kiss you harder, desperate to feel the vibrations from the desperate sounds escaping your mouth.

“Whoa! Okay! Okay!” Mina shouted, her wine spilling as she hurried forward. “I said kiss her! Not fuck her in public.” Your best friend playfully swatted at his arm.

When Satoru broke the kiss, a string of saliva connected your bottom lips as you both gasped for air. The sheer intensity of the kiss rendered you speechless as he allowed his eyes to trail over your face. Taking in the flush tint of your cheeks, the way your body trembled under his hand, and the subtle way your hips rocked forward against his thigh. It looked like the kiss had as much of an effect on you as it did on him.

He pressed a soft kiss against your slightly swollen lips. “You did ask for a smutty book kiss.” Satoru sighed as he pulled away. “I just delivered what you asked for.” Mina said something along the lines of ‘smutty kiss without the smut, please’ as she headed back into the bar. “Well, she might not have enjoyed it, but at least you seemed like you did.” His teasing tone slowly brought you back to reality.

”Y-Yeah, it was lovely.” You fanned yourself before heading to follow after your friends. “I’ll see you later tonight.” You breathed out, but just before you could make it inside the door, Satoru grabbed your wrist, pulling you in for a hug.

”Call me when you’re done, and I’ll come get you, okay?”

”Okay.”

His lips were against yours again before he released you. “Okay.” He repeated your word back to you before waving you off as he headed back in the direction of the inn.

His kiss, the tone of voice, and the mere conversation of introducing him to his best friend whirled around your mind as you guzzled down a shot of sake, which had to have been the fifth one in the last forty minutes. While the other bridal party members were laughing and talking, you stared at the table. The kiss and Satoru’s words replayed over and over again in your head, like old sitcom reruns. 

Was it normal for an escort to tell a client they wanted to introduce them to their friends? Was he just being friendly or taking pity on you? Then there was that kiss outside of the bar! He didn’t have to put his knee between your legs, but he did! Now your panties were wet, and the more you thought about the kiss, about him, the wetter they seemed to get.

Holy shit, what was wrong with you!? 

Just three days ago, you told the guy you didn’t have sex; you didn’t need it. But the more you got to know him, the more times he kissed you, the more your icy resolve began to melt. Gojo Satoru was lighting a fire within you. One that you were very cautious of because you didn’t want to be burned again.

You got up from the table, swaying as you headed for the bathroom. Was Satoru just being nice? Or did he feel the same way you did? There was some sort of connection between the two of you. One that you might want to explore if he wants to as well. Why else would he talk to you the way that he did?

Entering the bathroom, you sighed, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Your fingers trailed over your still-swollen lip. Toji had never kissed you like that in the past. Staring in the mirror, you groaned. An image of Toji stood behind you, haunting you like he had done for the last year and a half. 

“Ugh, just get the fuck out of my head and let me heal already.” You scolded the image of him in the mirror, flipping it off.

”I’m in your head?”

Your heart stopped, and your hand dropped to your side. Toji’s image smirked as he tilted his head. You were getting ready to ask yourself how drunk you were when Toji moved. His hands landed on the sink, caging you in while the smell of cedarwood engulfed you like a cloud of smoke.

”Toji—!”

“Shut up, we need to talk.”

(TBC)

Taglist:

@arminloverlol @jamzywiththejam28 @gojoful @maskedpacific @ahseyy @kash77 @sadmonke @ari-maccha @sugurubabe @hyori2 @bluechocolatemint @itsinherited @dellappatca @therealestpussyeater @dead-at-tokyo @nvrgojover @drakenswifeyy @nealeart @yunho-leeknow @fire-child-kira

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[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Sagau touched starved reader but you know got trauma so not comfortable with being touched. Like staring like a cat for affection but terrified of being hugged back or things like that

You got it, Anon! Though, I will warn you a little: I'm not going to go too deep into detail with the trauma stuff. It'll be very brief.

Touch Starved! Reader Wanting Hugs From Zhongli, Diluc, and Al-Haitham...With A Twist.

Zhongli

The moment he realizes that you are touched-starved, this old man isn't exactly sure what to do. After all, you got some extreme PTSD going on after the whole "imposter-creator" fiasco.

He does try to approach it as a topic, but since you're weary of (quite literally) everyone and find suspicion in every action, you kind of catch on to his intentions. And Zhongli notices this, but he's still going to take it slow.

"I assure you, Your Grace, I will not push your boundaries lest you are uncomfortable." He's sincere and means every word. To him, this is like signing a contract. He's the God of Contracts, so this is especially important to him. What he says is solid as stone—his dedication to prove that is clear as day.

This man is also very keen—he sees how you look like a touch-starved cat when you want affection, but are too scared to approach and ask. It kind of breaks him, but he doesn't show it because he wants to prove that he's not helping out of pity, but understanding.

In the end, Zhongli will probably be able to be near you, and get in a few (with consent) head peats that you are very well aware of. It's going to take time for you to warm up to him before this guy gets to hug you.

Diluc

This guy probably understands your intense cat-staring the most. He sometimes feels like that after his father passed. He's very unsure and awkward of what to do, if I'm being honest.

After a little while, of course, Diluc feels like he should place the offer out. He feels too awkward and guilty for just noticing you like this and not doing anything about it.

"Your Grace...I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries, but please know that I am willing to offer you any assistance you need." It's only later does he realize you wanted hugs and were too scared to ask for it.

Yeah...he's not exactly that open with his emotions either, so it will definitely be awkward, but he is willing to give it a few tries. Diluc will also be the first to pull back and apologize if he realizes you are in any discomfort.

To say it took a while is only putting it in the simplest form.

Alhaitham

Oho...if you though Diluc was awkward, consider this man. He's more "thinking machine that feels" than like his roommate ("feeling machine that thinks"), so he definitely does not understand the "social cue" that is your cat-stare.

He has done research (aka read books way back in the days and remembered the contents) and understands the mental turmoil you've gone through, so he has gone through the steps of trying to get out of your way, and also try and link you to a therapist. This, of course, kind of fails.

"Your Grace...please get some therapy. It's beneficial for your mental health." Quite literally might drag Tighnari or someone else into this if he can't convince you. This is quite literally out of his expertise.

The entire "I want a hug" cue flies completely over his head, and had it not been for Kaveh (and/or Nahida), he probably wouldn't have realized his mistake.

...Yes, it took what felt like 3 eternities just for him to try and give you affection. Must I say anything else?

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: AND HERE WE ARE! Anon, I am so sorry for taking 30 years to do this, but I have finished it! Boy, I was so tired and stressed these days, but I'm kinda glad I finished this!

For anyone waiting for The Lost Shining God of Celestia Pt. 2, please have some patience—I currently do not have much motivation to work on that series. Instead, feel free to dump requests in my mailbox!

Also—feel free to dump any HSR requests into my mailbox! I want to give them a try :)

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

#genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #sagau x reader #genshin self aware #sagau #sagau genshin #yandere sagau #genshin cult au #sagau brainrot #sagau cult au #sagau angst #sagau isekai #imposter sagau #sagau zhongli #sagau alhaitham #sagau diluc #sagau impostor au

[fellow-anime-weeb927]

Hii, I'm back. First off, I'm sorry about the request I send yesterday, I think? I didn't see the 'angst' under the 'don't do' 😭 🙇‍♀️but I'm back with a rant (I should pay you rent for staying in your asks this much- I can pay it with kaldo drawings 😭)

I recently checked the sons' ages and well- Doom, Fanim, Epidem and Delisaster were born with only 1 year of difference (also, the whole family was born of 11th of something- Innocent zero was a weird guy. He even shares birthday with Mash lol) and knowing that a pregnancy lasts 9 months there would be 4 months of non-pregnancy state with each of the 4 first sons (I calculated it- I needed to know if it was actually possible to pop out 4 kids in 4 years like that). Yes, they literally were born Doom-January, Fanim-February, Epidem-March and Delisaster-April (Domina was born in May, but Mash wanted to be different and was born in November 😭). There is a problem, Mash and Domina were born the same year, less than 9 months in between their birthdays. To which I can only find the excuses that, again, Mash wanted to be different and decided that he would be born premature lol (or they just speed up his birth, if mother was getting ill or her health was going down). Also, I checked how much each kid weights and I'm pretty sure Innocent zero starved them- BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN DOOM (who's 2 meters tall) WEIGHT ONLY 88KG??? THAT MF IS HUGE😭 My older brother (who's 25, 5 years younger than Doom, apparently) is like 1,80m and he weights 110kg😭 Domina (who's 1,76,i think) weights 68kg (that's around my weight, I'm 1,65± and 15 y/o). So, knowing that information I want to add that after mother fell into a coma, Innocent zero had more power over the sons so he starved them (bc before it was impossible. If they told mother that they wanted to eat, or even if they didn't, she gave them food and made sure they ate at least 3 times a day. Since she suffered a lot from starvation herself and almost every family member (all of her three brothers and her mom) died due to starvation), and it would also explain why tf Delisaster has such a thin waist.

It's also possible that, instead of her bearing the children in her womb, they just decided to mix their DNAs in an incubator of some sort. Innocent zero would say something that it wasn't necessary for her to bear them and that it wouldn't benefit neither of them, since he doesn't want for a strong ally to be unable to work for over 9 months and he read that it pregnancy can affect her health (again, that means that his ally will be weaker than before (imagine his reaction when she randomly falls into a coma after mash's 'birth'- and doesn't wake up for a long time). And mother would also prefer it by just mixing the DNAs (✨trauma✨, and probably not liking physical touch?). I'm also sure that after some time, Innocent zero would put some spell on mother just to keep her in the coma (let's say her necklaces worked only around itself and since it didn't cause any actual damage they weren't activated) so that he can manipulate the sons more. I also imagine them visiting her, maybe on their own birthdays or her birthday or just randomly showing up to check on her idk.

I also imagine that when Innocent zero is defeated by Mash and mother wakes up and gets context of everything that happened during her 'absence' (she really didn't care if the realm was destroyed since they didn't care about neither her or those similar to her), she would be mad with both Wahlberg and the divine visionaries (even though she didn't like the realm, she had some respect for Wahlberg when they were young bc he had good ambitions and she expected for him to at least try to make them reality) bc "what do you mean after 100 years the law against lackmagic is the fucking same and nothing changed? And then you dump it all onto a 15 y/o boy? Wtf" She would 100% slap Wahlberg in his face (and it's a good one, after all the sons didn't get the physical abilities from their father lol) and say that if they don't change things soon, she won't hesitate to start a revolution. I also don't know how would Mash react to his biological mother appearing out of nowhere. They would probably have a talk, at least and she would say that she won't interfere in his life unless he wants to and that he should contact Domina if he wants to talk with her or needs something from her, since she doesn't have a phone bc she was in a coma.

Also, after Innocent zero is defeated, I'm sure that the castle doesn't fall down, so as she wakes up she goes through it and sees all of her sons (or their remains) dead (Except Doom, since he did live after the battle with Mash) and she doesn't know the cause of it yet, but when she sees the 'arrows' that attacked Domina she would get the puzzle together that Innocent zero have killed at least one of her sons (she couldn't care less about the realm, but won't hesitate to hurt someone tenfold if they hurt her sons in the slightest), he would have had hurried to hunt that mf down, but tending to Doom's injuries is more of a priority at that time.

Anyway, I'm really sorry for that request, it was my bad. I would send a kaldo drawing as an apology, but I can't send photos when asking as anon🙇‍♀️ have a good time

-🎨anon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(original ask:)

A/n: dear anon you sure are discovering a whole lot oh my goodness- now that you explain the entire thing I’m like o_o I’m literally confused about the logic (but anime/manga logic am I right?-) so I’m not sure what to do about this, would you still want the ask?

#mashle x reader #mashle magic and muscles #mashle magic and muscles x reader

[disneyprincemuke]

trauma dump some more bestie expose that failure!!!!!!!

also this is me asking if u got my other asks

REALLL again, sorry carlos girlies i really am pretty down bad for the man, u know, but he's just so red flag ridden I'm sorry girls I'm sorry

guys blink once my way literally just once if you want me to release the screenshots LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you stare into the mirror, lip gloss wand in your hand as you make one last swipe on your bottom lip. you press your lips together to incorporate the liquid together. "are you ready?" your roommate asks as she passes your room, tapping her hand against your door to get your attention. "we're going to be late for the birthday party." "yeah, let me drop them a text to let them know we're going to be late," you call out to her. you balance yourself on one leg as you extend your hand to grab your phone lying quietly in your closet. you tilt your head when you open your messaging app, an unexpected notification makes you forget your original task. carlos has seemingly sent you a text message. which is odd, because the phone call had gone sort of alright. and you have not spoken to him since. i have evaluated what you said and felt that you might have blown everything out of proportion, and it is in fact unfair to me because i feel you lack communication skills to resolve issues within a relationship. no relationship will ever last long-term for you. due to your own selfishness to run away from your own problems of vulnerability, and hurt others, unless you recover and lean towards a more secure attachment. if my assumptions are true, you're a girl with low self esteem and you tend to believe that people will always leave you and that you have abandonment issues. don't you see that your incapacity in voicing you wants/dissatisfaction are hurting yourself and your partners? i am a self assured guy and i'm sorry but i don't think i'll ever want anything romantic with you anymore. read the article i linked because i don't think you will ever be ready for a long term relationship, until you seek therapy. i will still be here as a friend if you need help. you tilt your head and press your lips together. you quickly type a response, after reading the message he has sent you. i don't have a fearful avoidant attachment style or anything, i just don't want to be in a relationship that's cute, thinking i've got low self esteem issues. if you can't handle getting dumped, that's on you. not me. if you had gotten all of this from me simply pulling away because i refuse to lead you on and hurt your from things i have yet to internally process, i don't know what to tell you. just end this here. move past this entire ordeal. lose my number, if you need to. because i don't see the need to be friends either if that's what you think of me. you giggle and walk out of your bedroom. you find your roommate sitting comfortably on the couch, waiting for you. "catch. look at what i just received while we were getting ready." your roommate catches the phone with ease, shooting you a stare of confusion before she reads what's on the screen. a squeal passes her lips. "has this guy gone batshit crazy?"

#disneyprincemuke asks #carlos sainz x reader #disneyprincemuke 3k celly #disneyprincemuke 3k tds

[deserteye]

CHAPTER THREE ;; Tall & Blonde

YOUR P.O.V.

After I shook Bill's hand, I could feel myself being pulled awake as my body lifted up and I gasped for air. The triangle seemed to fly out of the dream and float in mid-air for a moment before Bill's form grew muscle over the triangle, and it changed from a triangle to more of a human form.

His body grew a torso, hips, and a head, and he slowly floated to the ground, now a tall, around 6'0, golden blonde male with a yellow vest, white button up with a black bowtie and pants, accompanied by a matching yellow jacket with a long tail. He smiled, an upside-down black triangle eyepatch forming over his right eye.

"That's better! If I'm gonna be in the human realm, I might as well blend in!"

He smirked and laughed, swinging his cane in his right hand. I picked myself up and wiped the dirt off my pants and sweater.

"Yeah.. I guess that makes sense."

I mumbled, avoiding looking at him.

"Hey! It's rude not to look at the person you're talking to!"

He scolded, tapping my shoulder with his cane, causing me to jump.

"S-Sorry! I'm not the best at eye contact.."

I mumbled again, making eye contact with him. He laughs and smiles.

"Well common, back to your cabin."

He hums, walking in the direction of my cabin.

"Wh- Hey! How do you know I live in a cabin?"

I asked, jumping to keep up with the taller male.

"Haha, I know everything about everyone, kid!"

He laughed, throwing his cane up as it disappeared and he walked with his hands behind his back, his chest out.

"Oh- Okay.. What do you know about, Dipper and Mabel Pines..?"

I asked, deciding to test his knowledge and just picking the first names that came to my head, being Mabel and Dipper.

"Ugh.. Don't even mention Pinetree and Shooting Star around me. It's their fault I even needed a second chance, if it weren't for them, Point Dexter, and Shriner I would be ruling this dimension with an iron fist!"

Bill growled and rambled, my eyebrow raised, looking at him with confusion, causing his eyes to roll.

"It's a whole thing, I'll explain the Zodiac to you later."

"O-kay.."

I mumbled, looking back down at the ground, feeling the awkward silence settle in. Even after I looked at the ground, I could feel Bill staring at me, studying me.

"D-Do you need something-?"

I asked after gaining enough courage to ask him.

"No. I'm just trying to figure out how I never found you until now."

He responded, moving to look in front of us.

"What's that supposed to mean-?"

I asked, looking up at him.

"Well, you should know that your entire family is cursed because of Miss Sphinx's and mine battle back, maybe 5000 years ago or so?"

He mumbled, calculating in his head.

"Curse- 5000 years?!"

I asked in surprise.

"Yes, yes. That birthmark of yours is a curse I gave your family so I could easily find you. Plenty of humans have some sort of secret godly power they're gifted from their ancestors that they can never harness, but none have that birthmark. Besides your family."

He hummed, explaining everything but the 5000 years bit.

"I- Oh.. That's probably because my parents kinda, self-isolated me from the rest of the world. It's why I can't really make eye contact-?"

I laughed nervously, feeling like I was trauma-dumping onto this guy. And 5000 years?? God, how old was this guy??

"Ah, that would make sense!"

He hummed, twirling his hand and summoning his cane, as he started walking faster as we neared closer to my cabin.

~TIMESKIP~

DIPPER'S P.O.V.

We were abruptly woken up at around 3 AM by Great Uncle Ford slamming our door open. I flew up from the sound, while Mabel tiredly lifted herself up, rubbing her eyes. Ford was breathing heavily, fear in his eyes.

"He's back."

Mabel and I were up and dressed, standing in the kitchen with Ford and Stan, Stan sitting at the dining while Ford was pacing.

"What do you mean he's back?"

I asked, sounding angry when really I was terrified.

"But, we defeated him. With Stan, and the memory gun-"

Mabel defended, gesturing to Stan with a stuffed unicorn in her one of her arms.

"Yes, but when Stan regained his memory, the possibility of Bill returning came as well. With the statue, we were sure it wasn't possible-"

Ford explained stammering and gesturing his words with his hands.

"Wait, what statue?"

I asked, Mabel and I were both confused.

"I thought you said you'd tell them, Stan."

Ford asked in a more confused and tired tone than the serious and angered tone he was intending.

"You really were going to rely on my memory when I just recovered from amnesia?"

Stan defended, throwing his hand in defense while the other held his forehead.

"Before Stan and I went to go on our ocean hunt, we stopped by the place where Bill's castle came from, and, his body was a stone statue, his hand still out to take Stan's."

Ford explained, stopping to stand in front of us. Mabel and I looked at each other before looking at Ford.

"How do we even know Bill's back? What told you-"

Mabel asked before Stan cut her off.

"I had a dream. Or, more like a nightmare. All of my memories from the Weirdmagedon came back, and then Bill rose from his statue and, turned into a human."

Stan explained, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

"He can do that-?"

"He can do anything, Mabel. Turning into a human doesn't sound like him though. Someone must have made a deal with him. But what kind of deal would prompt him to make a human form?"

Stan explained, before asking himself, he sighed and pushed the hair out of his forehead.

"We should get some rest, and then gather the rest of the Zodiacs for a meeting tomorrow."

"Shouldn't we check the statue first-? Just to make sure it wasn't a nightmare."

I mentioned, and Ford nodded.

"Yes, good idea Dipper. Is everyone still in town?"

"I think Pacifica moved to California, and Robbie and Gideon moved out of town."

I added.

"We'll call them tomorrow if the statue is gone, hopefully, they aren't too far out of town."

Ford sighed, holding his head and placing his hand on the table.

"Go back to bed kids, we're gonna be up for a minute."

Stan ordered, earning a nod from Mabel and I, as we walked back upstairs to the attic, tucking ourselves back in bed.

"Do you think.. That Y/N Sphinx has anything to do with this?"

Mabel asked, holding his unicorn plush close to her chest, Waddles curled up next to her.

"What makes you think that?"

I ask, staring at the ceiling before turning my head to look at her.

"Well, during Weirdmagedon, we didn't see them at all. Even though it was like, almost a week long. Everyone else doesn't even talk about Bill Cipher.. Maybe they made a deal not knowing what he did.."

She explained her theory, and I looked back up at the ceiling.

"That's.. Actually a good point."

I hummed.

"So, maybe?"

She asked.

"Maybe. Let's bring it up to Stan and Ford tomorrow, okay?"

I added, turning to face her.

"Hm, good plan."

She agreed, turning to look at me as well.

"Goodnight Mabel."

"Night Dipping Sauce."

· · ─────── ·⃤ ─────── · ·

Next Chapter | CHAPTER TWO ;; That Old Statue

Last Chapter | CHAPTER FOUR ;; Knowledge from a Demon

#gravity falls #dipper pines #mabel pines #ford pines #stanley pines #stanford pines #pines #bill cipher #bill #x reader #reader #y/n #y/n sphinx #bill x reader #bill cipher x reader #dipper x reader #dipper pines x reader #mason pines #maeve pines #trans dipper #trans dipper pines #gender neutral reader #gender neutral y/n #non binary y/n #nb y/n #enby y/n #nb reader #enby reader #bill x gender neutral reader #bill x non binary reader

[galaxythreads]

Hello! I’ve liked your fics for a long time, and was wondering if you would write something with fem- presenting Loki? There are some gender-fluid Loki fics on ao3, but I Need More To Live. I would write one, but I wouldn’t ever finish it.

I really want Loki to join the avengers in 2012 so that the other stuff doesn’t happen. sometimes I want Loki and Natasha to make fun of the rest of the avengers.

Idk I just really like the idea that Loki and Natasha would be friends. Or Loki and Wanda. (Except for all of the aforementioned characters got done so dirty by MCU. Isn’t that like a trope? Kill off the girl so the guy has a motivation to defeat the bad guy? Like from Green Lantern or something?

And Loki and Wanda got rewritten.). Whatever. I’m PERFECTLY OKAY! *eye twitches*

That kind of turned into a rant. Sorry.

Here are more of my headcanons, because I’d rather dm someone on tumblr instead of actually making a post on my blog. I’m weird.

-Loki was friends with Tchaikovsky and Mozart and Shakespeare. Maybe even Paganini, or like Ada Lovelace. Or Albert Einstein. Basically a lot of historical figures and also musicians from the 1980s.

-Loki is an honorary gay, because he’s an alien and aliens don’t have human concepts of gender and sexuality. But also you saw that 🏳️‍🌈hand flip🏳️‍🌈 he did in the 1602 episode. I mean, he was just being so gay in that 1602 episode. It was beautiful.

-Loki is a sad little boi. 🥺🥺

-Loki is a good little boi who got did dirty by MCU and Odin. (🥺🥺)

-Loki isn’t always a boy.🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️(unfortunately no gender-fluid flag emojis so 💕🤍💜🖤💙)

-Loki knows all the languages.

-Loki would watch anime and Kdramas if HE WASN’T DEAD.

-Loki is a theater kid.

-Loki is cat

-Loki knows how to play ALL the instruments. He likes cello the best though. Also he has perfect pitch.

-Loki needs therapy. Like two blue whales worth of therapy.

-If Tony and Loki ever had a long conversation, they would figure out how to solve world hunger and climate change and overpopulation AND THEIR MOTHERS. (It doesn’t make sense but just roll with it)

-Loki is a Major Fucking Nerd About Everything.

-Loki likes calculus as a hobby.

-Loki is, (un?)fortunately, a British stereotype.

-Loki ships appledash and narusasu.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Bye, and thanks for letting me dump headcanons on you.

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing all of these with me, it's so fun to see other people's headcanons about Loki and their excitement about his character. I love discussing this blorbo and cracking him open like an onion to peal away layers of trauma and reveal the nerd beneath.

Lol, the amount of times I've thought about doing an MCU rewrite post a1 to fix everything is insane. If I did do this, I'd actually probably start at civil war, because personally, I feel like everything was (generally) actually okay and enjoyable until infinity war. Civil war is just a good place to kick around the fix-its because everything is such a mess.

As far as your request goes, it might surprise you, but you're actually NOT the first person to approach me about a genderfluid, fem-presenting Loki. More like the....4th? or maybe 5th? Idk. I've definitely been approached by multiple people over the years about this. Firstly, thank you for trusting me with your idea and your headcanons, I'm humbled and honored that you would approach me about this because you believed I would be able to write the story in a way that you would find meaningful and enjoyable <3

Second - I really just don't know. My first inclination is to say no, not because I'm not interested or don't care, but mostly because I'm so busy right now I really don't know when I'll be able to get to the story. Plus, I'm really not sure how to go about this. I'd need to figure out what direction I wanted to take the story, because Loki being genderfluid wouldn't change that much except their outward appearance. Loki + genderfluid + Natasha friendship is an amazing concept, but it's not a...plot, if that makes sense? "Fixing" a1 could be 50,000,000 separate things, and if it goes out as a fix-it for mcu, that would be an enormous project. Easily 200k-400k+, which would take me like...uh 1-3 years to write.

Loki being genderfluid IS something I've thought about just adding to my fics in general now (i'm really not sure, because I love cis male Loki, and I know it's canon that he's genderfluid, but I kind of disregard most things from the series anyway?) but Idk?

+ and this is just a personal one for me, but I don't know how to include Loki being genderfluid as a major part of the plot/story right now. Like, for example, I've been in the process of dumping all of my religious lgbtq+ trauma on peter parker in a (massive) one-shot that revolves around Peter learning to accept himself as being gay, but the point of the story is that Peter doesn't accept himself at first and the conclusion is when he does. (I don't know if I'm ever going to share or finish that fic by the way, so don't look for it) I don't know how to take the concept of this story, turn it into a fix-it for Avengers 1 with Natasha, and have a meaningful story about being genderfluid at the same time?

Like to me there's two different ways to go about lgbtq+ stories: a story about being gay that is intended to talk about lgbtq+ experiences and focus heavily on that, vs a story where the character is lgbtq+ and it's just part of their character and not something we spend a lot of time talking about because we don't need to. The story isn't about them being lgbtq+ specifically, it's about the character. Recently, a lot more media has started doing the latter, which is really, really nice because I don't feel like being lgbtq+ has to be justified every 20 lines.

The story I'm writing about Peter Parker is the former. It's about being gay. The entire story revolves around it. What I can tell from what you're saying is that you want something where Loki just IS genderfluid, but it's not something we spend a whole lot of time discussing because the story isn't ABOUT being genderfluid, it's about fixing mcu with genderfluid Loki as the main character, if I'm understanding this correctly? Which is fine and I absolutely support it because there is nothing wrong with writing genderfluid Loki and I wholeheartedly support those authors.

So i guess to shorten this - because this isn't just like a ~5-15k one-shot (which are about the only length of requests I can successfully complete right now), as respectfully as I can, I'm going to have to lovingly turn you down. I'm not saying no, I'll never write about genderfluid Loki, because I'm like 90% sure I will eventually, but I just don't know about a fix-it for MCU from the first Avengers. One suggestion I have is maybe, if you really really need to see this come to fruition, is to just write a bunch of one-shots that are interconnected based on each of your headcanons and then publish it as an interconnected series, not so much a full length novel like I would write. I can easily see this being a really enjoyable series. Best of luck

~galaxy <3

#loki #fic request #lgbtq #galaxy's writing #i'm so sorry really #i can tell that you have SO MUCH passion for this 'verse and I wish that I had the energy to bring this to life for you #but I'm just so busy and so mentally ill and I just wish I could pick this out of my brain and gift it to you instead #but i just... #ghusdghsd #i'm sorry #:/ #i'm so burned out with writing right now #i think rewriting my og novel 4 times and the second book twice on top of all the fic projects I've been doing #kind of left me a very burnt out husk

[onlyjaeyun]

jaemin foul for cheating but he kinda valid for speaking up about not feeling loved?!? Idk I mean ofc he shouldn’t have cheated and there should have definitely been more communication to help them but is he so wrong for feeling neglected? Idk idk I just idk sympathize with him but still fucking hate that he cheated as way to be validated!!

I think I sympathize because my ex bf was the same where there was a lot of priority given to everyone but me and I was kinda just there to nurse his ego and make him feel good but never vise versa and that shit broke me the difference being I accepted that as my fate and he would tell me it’s because I’m “hard to love but he’s trying his best to love me” and like I carried that with me everywhere and I was always like … dang and idk i stayed in that cycle until he broke up with me but I feel like if jaemin didn’t cheat he might have been in the same place I was idk?

Sorry for the random trauma dump

-🦒

noo dont ever be sorry baby!!!! what im about to say is in absolutely no way belittling or disregarding your experience because i myself know exactly how you feel/felt and the cycle you are talking about and even if i didn't i'm pretty sure i can somehow phathom what you went through. (i'm so proud of you btw!🥺🤍)

now onto COLD HEARTS!jaemin however, he's just..not in that position. i've tried my best to depict him rather toxic and manipulative but i have realised that i should have made it more obvious or like out in the open to give his charcter the light i needed him to have.

ofc he's absolutely valid for feeling neglected, however – and this will be revealed in future chapters – he was never really neglected in the first place. he simply hates everyone in y/n's life and wanted her all to himself all while maintaining his own social circle as usual. on top of it all, he was actually the one in your ex bf's position since he constantly told y/n things like "nobody can put up with an attitude like yours" or "you're so difficult to talk to i feel like i can't ever have a normal conversation with you" when he simply didn't like her responses in the sense of its meaning and not even necessarily her tone.

you will understand the type of person he is the more chapters come since, yes they broke up, but he'll remain a firm part of the story till the very end!

i hope this somehow makes it a little more understandable which pov i wrote jaemin from.

sympathising with him in that matter is absolutely understandable bc we all would feel the same way, but i can reassure you that CH!jaems isn't one of us 💀

oh also, additionally i gotta comment here that y/n had to raise herself and her siblings and grew up in a very difficult household which lead to her having said attitude jaemin complains so much about. he knew this and basically – as the boys state in chap 5 – has made it his challenge to see if he can have her submit to him and prove himself that he can handle every type of woman.

i hope this all makes sense, i sometimes tend to forget that you guys cant actually look into my brain so i gotta type these thoughts and behind the scenes out every now and then! thank you sm for your feedback baby, ily 🥺🤍

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts #okay shakespeare nobody asked you to write a novel damn

[joesmemes]

THINGS SAID IN THE GROUP CHAT SENTENCE STARTERS

Assembled by @sheenathehyena.

I gave you a beach house now be normal

It's just so fucking ridiculous it circles back around to being poignant

I'm fine but what an inconsiderate toolbox

the fucking white boi who is trying to "find himself" that you meet all of once at the beginning

Yeah you want me to shoot my baby batter all over you cover you with almost - children

YOUR PLANET'S HOPE IS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG'S TRANS ASSHOLE

Not sure how to feel about talking to actual fucking yakuza members for entertainment purposes

On a scale of Balan Wonderworld to Silent Hill, how are you dealing with your trauma?

Roses are red, violets are blue, singular they is older than singular you

Concerned Ape noises

You ever think about the fact that [name] really said "the birds work for the bourgeoisie" & they were right

My patience for slipping over improperly spilled blood has run out.

If you can see the bones of your whipped pupil, you failed.

You know the healer's oath: Only do moderate harm to those who cross you.

Man I don't know if lack of shame is a blessing or a curse.

Parsooth m'lady but would you be so kind as to partake of the exquisite past time of role playing?

So they aren't DENYING the piss kink

uhm you need to be more of a doormat…..your boundaries are making me uncomfy 😦

That's HARLEQUIN NOVEL descriptors of sex

where is my mouse arrow? where is it holy fuck

fetishize urself ig

It's always people with feet fetishes or fat fetishes that be so open about it

Look at this unhinged mother fucker

Fuck you I hope your pice of shit family burn in a dumpster fire

Sorry you had to overshare about a tough time with some random chick in school but it's not relavent to my cat at all.

We're at a sword store and it's full of exactly what you'd expect.

Nobody was reading Lemony Snicket going "teehee they made Count Olaf bitch sauce"

Wikipedia I love you but your donation pleas sound like a lying teenager begging for money online

There's no right way to look at the guy that tossed his baby off a cliff and say "I think he needs to look cool for a minute there" is all I'm saying

Okay, wonderful. GREAT, take them all. Please leave immediately

one time I ran a server and I was being weird so I changed literally everyone's nickname to Frank

AKGHDLK I'm gonna SOB they asked if they could share their ticklefics

heavy meals always make me HONK MIMIMIMIMI

I found a fucking book of Mormon lmafo

lemme go take a dump and ill set it up

THREE. THREE TIMES. HE'S BEEN ARRESTED FOR INSIDER TRADEING THREE FUCKING TIMES.

tell her it was you who farted, establish dominance

I have been hoarding vidya games for the three of us to play like a dragon

Nearly had a heart attack because I was poopin and saw blood but realized it was my period

Ok we need to get a big cardboard box and a vaguely feminine scarecrow dressed as a boyfriendless girl

Puts my head in your lap like a cat

Some Filipinos wanna buy your titty mousepads

the chris chan trials are about to be the depp vs heard trial for people who had unrestricted internet access at a young age

Now u will screenshot us talking shit and put it in the callout 😭

GUYS I NEED PROOF THAT [name] IS GAY TO STICK IT TO A 19 YEAR OLD ALT RIGHT IDIOT

🙂 our fursona is gonna b friends with sonic

I both love and hate [name]’s writing. How they go from ancient purple prose to “oh shit oh fuck”

i guess you could say…. this was a triumph

#rp meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #roleplay memes #resources #rp meme blog #starter set #starters

[souryogurt64]

I’m so tempted to go to the last show but I already went to Saturday’s show and my mom will most likely not let me go because she’ll say that I already went. Might fuck around and ask my dad to get us tickets because I need to see this last show….

I am really sorry to trauma dump on your ask specifically, and this doesn't really seem like it's your situation. But. I've been wanting to tell you guys this happened last month. I didn't really know how because it was so extreme, even for me usually. But I get a lot of kids venting to me about their parents in my inbox. Just in general, but especially a bunch lately regarding Fall Out Boy concert ticket drama. So I guess this is a cautionary tale and advice for any kid following me with emotionally abusive parents who is having a hard time getting to whatever show on this tour, because I think there's got to be at least ten of you following me

Backstory, I'm 24 and got my first "real" job in February. It's like. An actual job that pays well and has health insurance and time off and benefits and stuff. I never thought this was achievable for me. This came very out of nowhere and was a huge shock to everyone.

My parents definitely did not think I was ever capable of doing this. I think they're kind of in a "denial" phase. They had me 100% convinced I was never going to be able to hold a job and I was always going to be dependent on them or homeless or something, IDK. Anyway, I’ve been there for almost 6 months, so I was taking my first vacation-- like my first-ever actual one with PTO-- to visit my friend and see Fall Out Boy.

My parents had offered to let me borrow the car to do this. They had been telling me everything was fine for months leading up to it. Stuff had been going fine between us for awhile. I delivered my mom’s favorite flowers for mother's day because I was on a business trip. Like a week before this I went out for a "really important" dinner with my dad and his boss and his boss' daughter as a "huge favor."

I also needed to be home that week anyway because I had to see my psychiatrist, and also it was my best friend from high school's 21st birthday. And my parents have 2 cars, my dad works from home and my mom works at a school a 5 minute walk from our house and it was July. So it made no logistical sense for me to get a rental. But if they hadn't offered or been okay with me taking the car, I would have said "Ok, no problem."

Anyway, as soon as I got off the Metra, I knew something was weird. They made me drive and my mom was screaming and gasping and saying I was driving "crazy" and "too fast" when I was going 20 below the speed limit. Also that my sunglasses "weren't safe" for driving. But instead of taking them off, I had to wear hers. She did this when I was a kid and I got anything nice like a sleepover or a Girl Scouts trip or something. She was trying to pick a fight that she could progressively escalate, and then tell me I couldn't go because of something I did or said. And sure enough, when I tried saying no to one of her weird power plays, she started saying I had to do it or I wouldn't see Fall Out Boy.

Except I'm not a kid anymore so this was meaningless. Once we got home I tried to disappear but my dad wanted us to "talk it out." It kept escalating because my mom was fake crying and saying she didn't know anything about the concert until the night before and wasn't okay with me taking the car. Which was all a lie. I started to get pretty agitated, because it was gaslighting in a non-post-ironic sense, and she started filming me. This was something she did a lot when I was younger.

I had been trying my best to ignore her. At this point though, I felt this was going to go on for however many hours it took for there to be some kind of insane drama, and my dad was going to enable it.

Again if they hadn't wanted me to take the car, that would've been fine. But by offering to let me take the car and then pulling this, they tricked me into a situation where getting to Fall Out Boy was either going to be a very prolonged and horrible emotional nightmare, or a a very expensive logistical nightmare. It was also about trying to punish me for going and make my special first vacation-slash-Fall-Out-Boy-Extravaganza as miserable and stressful as possible, I think, which definitely worked.

So anyway, she starts filming me saying I'm being hysterical and out of control. I was pretty upset but I was just sitting at the table and kind of crying.

I was holding a glass of water, so I stood up and threw the water at her. At this point I think everything went off the deep end. I don't want to get into all of it, but there was a lot of screaming. Other highlights included my dad grabbing a knife laying on the counter (lol) and me shattering the actual glass. Then things started getting very physical so I kicked my dad in the balls as hard as I could. After that my mom started trying to call the cops so she could try to get them to take me to the psych ward in a cop car again but I said some stuff that scared her into stopping.

So for anyone following me who's younger and has parents with like mental issues or is in an abusive household. There is nothing you can do to prove to your parents they should "let" you go. There is no magic age where you will be "old enough" to leave the house or do things. There is no GPA you can achieve or degree or even job you can get that will make your parents okay with you going places and doing things. There is nothing you can do to earn it. It is never going to happen.

You just need to get out as soon as you can and minimize contact. Better yet, find a way to go to concerts anyway. I had money and access to a car but I was afraid of drama and thought if I just tried hard enough someday they'd let me go. They were never going to. Just go to the concert anyway and ignore whatever drama happens and know it will be over eventually. The fact that you went will matter way more in three years.

My honest advice to any teenage girl whose parents won't let them go to a concert is this: Literally any slightly older boy will take you to a concert if you buy him a ticket. Do not mention anything about your parents not knowing because they will get paranoid. Be safe, only do this with people you know and trust, do not have sex with anyone, and use your best judgement about the kind of people you hang out with. But this is your best bet. Sneak out if you have to.

But as an example, my friend worked at Jimmy John's in high school and college. All her coworkers were guys and some of them were college aged. We'd go to their Dungeons and Dragons sessions. Literally any one of them would've gladly taken a free ticket to see Fall Out Boy, and none of them would've done anything weird. I could've just told my parents I was sleeping over at her house and not said anything. She could've gone too and then I could've actually spent the night at her house. It would've all been fine. I was just too scared of my parents to do anything like that. If it's on a weeknight just sneak out and deal with it or say you're working and don't come home. Make sure you go to school the next day though.

Also I had money and worked a lot but my parents were really obsessive about my bank account. If you're in a situation like that, just ask your job to start giving you checks, open an account at another bank, and start cashing only some of them there. It's hard and scary and a lot of responsibility, but it's easier than you think, and it's worth it. The people at the bank will help you, just don't mention your parents because they'll get paranoid. (The earlier you start doing this the better--I'm 24 and dealing with the bank drama now and it's way worse than if I had thought about this 8 years ago). You deserve to do things like this and you should not feel guilty about it

Just your gut. Do not sleep over or get drunk/high with a guy unless it's someone you really know and trust. If you're going anywhere with someone just actually be friends with them first. Also do not do this with guys that are too much older either, because they're definitely going to be weird. But if you're 17 and give a 19 year old friend-of-a-friend a free ticket to Fall Out Boy, they'll gladly drive you. If you're in college, just be smart, and be safer than you think you need to be. But this advice applies to a lot of like 18-20 year olds too. Good luck haha

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

since you really love demoman, can you help me to like him more? like dont get me wrong, he's very cool dude and i kind of like him but also i hate his guts. tbh im projecting into him too much because he's alcoholic and it reminds me of my father which also is an alcoholic... i dont want to trauma dump or something (sorry if it look like it) but i just want to have better experience in tf2 and it's kind of hard when one of them triggers me and i dont want it to look like i hate him because of his race for example (which is kind of common in tf2 community to completely erase him, i hope you know what i mean) so i reached out because from people i know here you're the one who seem to like him the most. sorry if it sounds weird or something :(

Anon I'm going to try to be as nice to you as I can but like. this does sound weird! I understand having trauma associated with your father, but taking that to "hate the guts" of literally everyone else with the same addiction has extremely negative social consequences. The idea of addicts (and since we're in context, especially black addicts!) being inherently more violent, aggressive, dangerous, etc. is an extremely prevalent and harmful social idea that does absolutely nothing to help anyone and instead reinforces the terrible treatment of people with addictions (who are almost always also mentally ill and/or physically ill and/or poor, etc.). Again I understand why you feel that way and I'm not saying you're not allowed to have triggers, but when your triggers are affecting the way you see a vulnerable group of real people (because this kind of thing does not stop and end at fictional characters), you need to like. step back and take some time and self-reflect and sit with yourself and let yourself feel uncomfortable for a little bit. Challenge your ideas. A lot of people leading a lot of negative social change use their trauma as a shield for why they think the way they do, and if you don't catch it fast, that's how it ends up. There are so many lovely, lovely people in this world who also happen to be alcoholics, reducing a person (or in this context a videogame guy lol) to their addiction and using that reduced, dehumanized version in your head to write them off as bad and inherently just like your shitty father is um. it's bad to do that. People with addictions, just like people with any other illness, are still people and deserve your respect lol idk what else to say about this

#also overall yes it's weird to go into the inbox of a stranger and tell them you 'hate the guts' of their favorite character lol #ask #anon

[renjunphile]

Kiss Me Lifeless | Jeongcheol

⇢ word count: 8.4k ⇢ pairing: svt's choi seungcheol / s.coups x yoon jeonghan ⇢ tags&warnings: exes to lovers!au, non-idol!au, fluff, some angst, one kind of dubcon kiss ⇢ synopsis: choi seungcheol spots yoon jeonghan first across the room in a basement bar. it's been 3 years and seungcheol's words and thoughts are all tied up. ⇢ notes: i am jeongcheol trash!! i really didn't know how to end this but i was desperate to send this out into the world!! maybe one day i'll re-do the ending, but for now, i hope you enjoy everything else :) as always, likes and comments are appreciated<3

i. it's my birthday

Seungcheol spots him first, one arm leaning on the bar top and the other swirling a whiskey gently as he talked animatedly to another taller, older man. Since when did Jeonghan drink whiskey? Seungcheol thinks to himself before scoffing; it's been 3 long and arduous years and everything he knew about the still-blonde boy had probably changed.

The lighting in the bar is dim for the moody ambience, but it seems like Jeonghan is glowing amongst the dark surfaces clad in a cream shirt and a cream blazer. Seungcheol's throat feels like its closing in on itself as he swallows deeply, eyes still trained on the man. How could this have happened?

"Seungcheol?" his coworker tries to catch his attention beside him when he noticed that Seungcheol had stopped listening to his rambles, "Seungcheol!"

Snapping out of his trance, Seungcheol reluctantly tore his eyes from the men at the bar as if he was scared they'd disappear the next time he looked back. Seungcheol looked across apologetically at his coworker, "Sorry Hyun."

"Who's that at the bar? Are you interested in one of them?" Minhyun inquires cheekily, nudging him lightly, "You should go up to them."

Seungcheol debates in his mind for a quick second whether to spill his secrets to his friend before deciding quickly against it. No need to trauma dump on a guy on his 5th shot of the night.

"It's no one," Seungcheol mumbles, "You know, we should get going. It's getting late and your wife is expecting you home."

Minhyun grumbles, but agrees, "I hate how responsible you are. It's a Friday night, but you're right. How are you getting home? I'm calling a taxi!"

"I'll get a taxi too. Shame you live on the other side of the city, Hyun. You can go before me; I just need to grab my things in the coatroom," Seungcheol urges, hoping for a quick escape.

Minhyun nods along, giving his colleague a quick hug goodbye before making his way to the exit. Seungcheol exhales deeply and looks out through the corner of his eye. Jeonghan and the man were still there, now joined by a shorter female.

All Seungcheol had to do was make his way discreetly to the coatroom, which happened to be in the direction of the bar. It was fine, right? Jeonghan was surrounded by people and there was no way he'd pick out Seungcheol moving quickly if he was engrossed in conversation.

Seungcheol huffs, gets up and trods towards the side-room determinedly. He sighs in relief when he makes it in one piece before handing the ticket to the worker and being handed his coat and satchel from work. Okay, all he had to do now was make it to the exit in a discreet fashion and it would all be okay and he could forget that this night ever-

"Seungcheol?"

Seunghceol's heart leapt in yards and bounds as his stomach dropped. Would he be a terrible person if he ignored the calling and just continued on his merry way? Would that hurt more or less?

While Seungcheol was debating and hosting an inner monologue, Jeonghan had wrestled out of the hurdle he was in and approached the man, placing a light hand on his shoulders, "Seungcheol?" he called again.

Seungcheol turned around with an awkward smile, meeting the soft (and slightly red) eyes of his former lover, "Oh, Yoon Jeonghan! Fancy seeing you here!"

Jeonghan spluttered as he looked around and assessed Seungcheol, "W-what are you doing here?"

"I just had some drinks with my coworkers. They all already left," Seungcheol tried to explain, pretending oblivious to the actual meaning of his words.

Alas, Jeonghan was a persistent one, "No, Cheol. In Seoul. What are you doing in Seoul? Coworkers? Don't you work in Daegu?"

Seungcheol's lips pulled up into another awkward smile and laugh, "Ah, no. I got a promotion that came with a relocation to headquarters. Here in Seoul. This was my welcome drinks gathering, though I started two months ago."

"Two months ago?" Jeonghan's eyebrows converged into a furrow, "No one told me you were coming back."

"Sorry," Seungcheol breathed out, "I kind of didn't tell anyone. Wanted to settle in and see how it'd go."

"No one at all?"

Seungcheol scratched the back of his neck, "No. Look, I don't wanna keep you from your people. I should really get going but it was nice to see you, Jeonghan-"

Jeonghan took a hold of his wrist and frowned, "Seungcheol, don't go yet. I have so many questions to ask. I-"

"Do you think that's the best?" Seungcheol interrupts gently.

A look of slight hurt and disappointment washes over the angelic features of the man in front of him, making Seungcheol regret the words that came out of his mouth.

Jeonghan bit his lip as he looked at his ex and it was probably the alcohol that prompted him to be so bold with his next words, "I missed you, Cheol. I wanna know how you've been!"

Seungcheol's eyes widened at the confession, his neck flushing in a deep red, "Oh. Don't you have someone at home that would object to that?"

He doesn't. Seungcheol knows he doesn't.

"No," Jeonghan mumbles, "Can't you stay a bit longer? I'm just with my coworkers; we go out for drinks all the time."

Seungcheol looks at his watch and then at the man. How futile; he'd spend a trillion years ignoring his duties just to spend time with his lover. Or he would have. He doesn't know the right thing to do anymore.

"I should get going," Seungcheol utters reluctantly.

Jeonghan's demeanour drops visibly at the rejection, "Do you have someone waiting for you?"

He doesn't. Jeonghan knows he doesn't. Or at least he didn't last time he asked.

"No," Seungcheol quickly corrects, "It's just- I don't know if this is right. It's been a while and-"

"It's my birthday," Jeonghan blurts out suddenly.

Seungcheol pales. The days in Seoul had all blurred together and he couldn't tell you what day it was. It probably would have taken him the morning to have realised that, but he guessed it was a bit past midnight on October 4.

"Oh, happy birthday, Jeonghan-ah."

Jeonghan face palms and exhales, "What I mean to say is that I'm having a birthday party tonight. As in later in the evening once the sun comes up and then goes down again. You should come."

The invitation truly took Seungcheol by surprise, "Look, Jeonghan. I don't know if that's such a good idea. I haven't seen everyone in ages and it's a bit weird for me to drop in like that."

Jeonghan shook his head vehemently, "No, no. It's perfectly fine. They'd be so happy to see you and I know they miss you so much and everyone's coming and- and Jisoo!"

"Jisoo?"

"Jisoo! Jisoo's flying into the airport in the morning and Seokmin is collecting him and I know you haven't seen him in 3 years so you need to come!" Jeonghan urged. When did he get this brave? He was truly surprising himself.

Ah, Jisoo. Their missing puzzle piece and the 3rd in their trio. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had met the American on the first day of college and they all instantly clicked and everything fell into place. He was their brother, their wingman and their platonic soulmate. Well, that was when Jeonghan and Seungcheol thought each other to be their romantic soulmate.

"Please, Cheol. It won't be awkward! Now that you're back in the city, we can all be friends again!" Jeonghan clapped. He was always the more optimistic one and that was what hurt Seungcheol when he walked away from Jeonghan's pleading tries of 'we can make this work!' 3 years ago.

The defences came bouldering down when Jeonghan tugged on Seungcheol's sleeve and pulled his angel eyes, "Please?"

"Fine."

The slightly tipsy boy squealed in delight and squeezed Seungcheol's wrist, making his blush deeper in colour.

"What's your number? I need to text you my address."

Oh hell, Seungcheol thought to himself. He was so, so screwed.

------

ii. does it hurt to say you miss me too?

Seungcheol thought Jeonghan's reception to him would be cold at worst, reserved at best upon seeing him for the first time in 3 years. When he awoke in the morning in the sweet confines of his own bed, he was quickly overcome with thoughts from the night previous. How in the world was Jeonghan so nice to him when Seungcheol walked away so easily all those years ago?

That's what Seungcheol loved about Jeonghan in the first place anyway. He was warm, inviting and so lovely to everyone he met, despite being the cheekiest boy with his friends. Jeonghan loved to tease and he loved to trick and he loved to play games, but when it came down to it, Jeonghan was dependable and caring.

Seungcheol had been pondering over the past 3 years repeatedly why he left Jeonghan. When he was all alone in his flat in the centre of Daegu, he'd look over to the other side of the bed and wonder how it would feel to have Jeonghan occupying the other side. When he was having dinner alone on the couch, he would dream of Jeonghan sitting cross-legged beside him, slurping up his food despite complaining that Seungcheol was a terrible cook.

There was absolutely no denying that Seungcheol missed him. He never stopped missing him. But he was the one to walk away, so it was not his choice and privilege to come back and beg for forgiveness no matter how hard he wanted to.

3 years ago, they had just graduated from college and living together in a studio apartment on a 6-month lease. They were coming up towards the end of it and all they had done since then was fight and fight and fight. It had baffled them both considering they lived together in their last 3 years of college so why were they fighting now? Jeonghan was pushing hours at the marketing office he had landed a position at, to try and impress his coworkers, meanwhile, Seungcheol was working at the convenience store every night and most days while scrambling to find a job in the field he actually wanted to work in: music. They would work and work and come home to each other tired and exhausted, which would just lead to fights. Seungcheol hated how he couldn't provide more for his lover and Jeonghan detested that Seungcheol was never present at home. Eventually, when an offer to work at a music studio in Daegu came, Seungcheol took it and left the next day.

In his wake, he left behind a trail of disappointed friends, but most importantly, a heartbroken Jeonghan who had pleaded him to stay. Seungcheol had a lot of regrets. Not answering Jeonghan's or his friend's call for months being one of them. He was weak and he was a coward and if he could turn back time, he would. Losing Jeonghan was the worst thing that ever happened to him.

A call on his phone tore him away from his memories and only then did Seungcheol realise he was crying. It was Joshua, surprisingly.

"Shua?"

"Cheol! Guess what? I'm in Korea! Surprise! I'm here for a week and a half and I was thinking I'd come down to Daegu to visit you in a few days or you could come up to Seoul? I really miss you and I just landed and Seokmin picked me up," Joshua babbled happily.

When Jeonghan and Seungcheol broke up, Seungcheol had lost touch with mostly everyone. He still spoke to Jihoon often due to their musical ties, which by extension meant he was still in contact with Soonyoung, who never left his fiance's side. Other than that, Seungcheol only maintained regular contact with Jisoo, his very best friend. The only thing was that Jisoo never brought up Jeonghan unless Seungcheol asked (which he did so every year on his birthday, but reluctantly at that).

Jisoo never had the trouble of having to split his time between Jeonghan and Seungcheol because he left soon after their graduation to do his masters in his hometown and stayed there after. Jisoo had no problem keeping in contact via texts and calls with either of them.

"Ah, sorry Shua. I'm really busy with work. I don't know how much time I have," Seungcheol plays off regretfully. He knew he'd see his far away friend later on in the evening but Seungcheol wanted to have some fun.

"Oh," Joshua sighed, "I get it man. I should have told you sooner; sorry. I have some news to tell you, but I see Seokmin now so I'll tell you later or tomorrow."

"Bye Shua."

The call clicks to an end and Seungcheol finds himself face to face with his lock screen that only has one notification on it from an unknown number.

[unknown] hey, it's han. praying you gave me the right number, otherwise dick move. my address is [x] and you can come like at 6 or something. no need to bring anything.

Seungcheol's phone buzzes again and he's so glad he doesn't have his read receipts on.

[unknown] oh, and good morning cheol :)

Seungcheol takes a few minutes to reply, not wanting to seem to eager.

seungcheol i'd never give you a fake! thanks for the invite. let me know if you change your mind about me coming. shua called me just now and i rejected him offering to come to daegu so don't tell him i'm coming

seungcheol good morning jeonghan

jeonghan no smiley face for me? it's my birthday! :( but i won't tell shua. i guess i won't tell anybody and it can be a surprise. i'm sure they'll be happy to see you

seungcheol i'm sorry. happy birthday again jeonghan :)

seungcheol but why are you being so nice to me?

jeonghan don't interrogate me, it's my birthday !!

jeonghan can a man not be nice to his friend?

seungcheol are we friends?

jeonghan can a man not be nice to his *ex-boyfriend? hey, the word friend is there

seungcheol so is the word ex

jeonghan i miss you, that's why

seungcheol what are you expecting from me?

jeonghan all i'm expecting from you is to come to my party. that's all, seungcheol

jeonghan does it hurt to say you miss me too?

seungcheol kind of

--------

iii. no hard feelings

He's nervous. More nervous than the time he met Daegu's finest- Min Yoongi- and wrote a couple of verses with him. He's trembling on Jeonghan's doorstep, hyperaware of the noise coming from the other side of the door. It sounded like there were people there already.

While Jeonghan said to not bring anything, it was only the polite thing to turn up with at least some food, so he was gripping a bag containing an assortment of cakes. He was pretty sure his knuckles were white and stripped of blood supply.

After a few deep breaths and a mumbled pep talk to himself, Seungcheol mustered up the courage to knock at the door. His whole body tensed when the noise cut abruptly and someone was bounding towards the door.

"Seungcheol-hyung?" it was Chan that had opened the door, a look of perplexity overcoming his features. Jeonghan was bounding towards him worriedly, as if he had meant to grab the door first, "Seungcheol-hyung, what are you doing here?"

At the call of his name, many more footsteps came rushing at the door, uttering his name in confusion. Great, Seungcheol thought to himself, all 12 of them had arrived and he was the freak in a glass box.

"Ah, let me explain," Jeonghan sighed dejectedly as he pushed everyone back into the living room. Seungcheol didn't dare to look any of them in the eyes nor speak a single word.

Everyone fell back in their previous positions, though now with eyes trained on their long-lost friend. That was an exaggeration- Seungcheol said happy birthday to everyone every year and kept up small conversations over social media.

"Yeah, you better," Seungkwan piped up. Seungkwan had been the one to maintain some kind of coldness towards Seungcheol, being overprotective and emotional. Seungkwan highly disagreed with what Seungcheol did and he made that known to him.

"Is this why you rejected me coming to Daegu?" Joshua was the only one to approach Seungcheol and envelop him in a tight hug, "I missed you, man."

Seungcheol could only just say back the same thing before Jeonghan began explaining.

"We met at the bar last night. We were both with our coworkers. I told him to come so he could see you all again. No hard feelings," Jeonghan clapped decisively at their college friends.

"What about you, Hyung?" Mingyu directed at Jeonghan, "No hard feelings?"

Seungcheol froze up.

"It's been 3 years, Mingyu. Time heals all, so be nice to your hyung. I know you all miss him," Jeonghan stares pointedly around at the boys with sheepish faces, "I know you stop talking about him every time I walk into a room, so here's my present for you. On my birthday."

"Gosh, you're such an angel," Jihoon drawls from beside his fiance before grinning at his stoic friend, "Man, loosen up. We're still your friends."

Seungcheol sighs and his face couldn't help but transform into a grin. Jeonghan took the bag from his fingertips with a whispered thank you, before disappearing into a foreign room.

"This is crazy," Seokmin utters, "I did not expect this."

Joshua has an arm around Seungcheol's shoulders and leads him to a space on one of the two couches between Minghao and Hansol. Thank God for Jisoo because Seungcheol doesn't know if he can trust his legs.

He was nervous, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly why. He had known his friends for years, some since college and some before. No one seemed like they actually hated him and no one was jumping on him beating him bloody and bruised. So it was good on that front.

But he was in Jeonghan's apartment. On Jeonghan's birthday. On Jeonghan's couch.

What did that mean?

"Are you back in Seoul for good, Hyung?" Minghao asks, perched on a dining room chair while swirling his usual red wine in a glass.

"Yeah, I got a promotion. They relocated me to their Seoul headquarters," Seungcheol explains.

"Then why didn't you tell any of us?" Junhui frowns.

"I don't know," he shrugs, "Was scared."

Seungcheol's breath hitches when Jeonghan returns to the room with the cakes he brought now laid on two plates that he sets on the coffee table. Seungcheol looks around. It was spacious and definitely much nicer than the apartment they had shared back in the day.

"Nice, huh?" Wonwoo claps Seungcheol's back as he walks past, "Jeonghan-hyung is rich now."

"I'm not," Jeonghan scolds with a faint smirk, before looking over at Seungcheol, "I worked hard for this. I worked a lot since I had nothing else preoccupying my time."

Ouch, that felt like a dig.

"Ah well, congrats Jeonghan," Seungcheol says politely. Jeonghan settles himself on the arm of the other loveseat that Soonyoung and Jihoon were occupying.

A silence falls upon them and Seungcheol cringes internally. Maybe it really wasn't the best idea to come.

Chan clears his throat before looking around and assessing the atmosphere, "So, drinks?"

There was a collective sigh of relief.

------

iv. these chickens won't pay for themselves

Seungcheol doesn't see Jeonghan for a while after the party. It takes a few weeks in fact for the two to reunite. The party had passed by quickly and went the same as always: Mingyu would get drunk the fastest despite his huge stature and Wonwoo would drag him out first (of course, accompanied with screaming, kicking, crying and whining from the giant), Soonyoung would get drunk next and would begin making out with Jihoon who would roll his eyes but secretly enjoy it, Seokmin and Seungkwan would load up the karaoke machine before they even got tipsy and sing from their hearts until they got a noise complaint and Jeonghan- well, Jeonghan would get drunk and cry.

That was when it got awkward.

At Jeonghan's first sniffle and wobble of the lip, Joshua had dragged him out into the square kitchen with an unreadable glance.

"Oh, you know that news I had to tell you?" Joshua began, "Well, I feel like I should tell you now, but I'm moving back to Seoul too!"

A grin became of Seungcheol's face as he hugged his best friend, "Oh my God? How come?"

"Well after two years of working in that drab company," Joshua rolls his eyes, "I found a job here! I'm basically here this week to meet with the company and sort some things out, then I'll be back two weeks after I leave! Isn't this great? All of us in the same city again?"

"Yeah," Seungcheol breaths, "No, yeah, it's great. Feels just like the old times."

A pitchy yell/son cuts through the apartment.

"Speaking of the old times," Joshua began, "I think it's best for you to go home. I don't trust Han in this state."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how Jeonghan cries when he's drunk. His topic back in university used to be his stress from schoolwork and his family, but the boys have told me that now, he cries a-"

"He cries about me?" a pang shoots to Seungcheol's heart.

"When he's drunk," Joshua adds, "So I think you should go home in case he says anything he doesn't want you to hear. We can take care of him."

It was useless to protest. There was no reason for him to stay anyway, so he quickly left without saying goodbye to the boys in the living room in fear of being around Jeonghan, who was sprawled out on the floor like a starfish, for too long.

Anyway, the next time he sees Jeonghan was at the supermarket which apparently was a good distance between both Jeonghan and Seungcheol's apartments.

Again, Seungcheol spots Jeonghan first in the dairy aisle, looking at all the different types of cheeses. Seungcheol smiles to himself briefly, remembering the younger's affection for cheese despite being lactose intolerant.

He debates whether to call out for him or not, but figures it doesn't hurt to, "Old habits die hard, huh?"

An adorable yelp comes out of Jeonghan's mouth as he jumps in surprise, but relaxes and then stiffens when he sees Seungcheol, "Oh it's you. Hi Seungcheol. What are you doing here?"

Seungcheol motioned over to his half-full cart, "Grocery shopping. You come here often?"

Wow, Seungcheol. So smooth. As if that wasn't the most overused line in the history of all conversation starters.

"I usually shop on Friday nights but I had a day off today," Jeonghan says while placing a packet of mozzarella into his cart, "Jisoo told me you're picking him up at the airport in a few days."

"Oh, yeah. He was going to get Seokmin to pick him up but I offered. Should have just let them do their thing."

Jeonghan scoffs fondly, "After 6 years, they're still as oblivious as ever."

Seungcheol smiles, "Yeah. Yeah, they are."

Jeonghan stares down awkwardly at his shopping cart and Seungcheol knew it was time to exit the conversation.

"Well, I should go. These uh, chickens, won't pay for themselves," Seungcheol flushes awkwardly, avoiding Jeonghan's eyes before moving away. God, he was such a mess around Jeonghan, even now.

He moves out of the aisle without looking at his former lover again and reaches the drinks aisle before he stops and scolds himself in his mind for being such a disaster.

Back in the dairy aisle, Jeonghan smiles to himself.

-----

v. it's like a quadruple date!

It takes another 2 weeks for their paths to cross again. Even though they have each other's numbers on their phones, neither dared to reach out again after the initial conversation on Jeonghan's birthday.

This time, they were the first ones to arrive at the restaurant where they were having a group dinner.

Seungcheol had waited in his car for a little bit when he checked the time and it was still 5 minutes until their reservation time. Not everyone was coming, as far as he knew, but he knew Jisoo, Seokmin, Jihoon and Soonyoung to come at the very least. If everyone maintained the same traits since college, then at least 80% of them would be late and Seungcheol knew this, but as soon as the digital numbers on his dashboard turned 7, he couldn't help but to head inside and wait at the table.

It was 7:05 by the time Jeonghan arrived, hair perfectly fluffy and his outfit baggy as always. It took 3 blinks from Seungcheol to realise Jeonghan was wearing a hoodie that Seungcheol had been looking for for 3 years. He decided against saying anything about it.

"Oh, I didn't know you were coming," Jeonghan said casually, sliding into the booth around the circular table.

Seungcheol gulped, "I didn't know you were coming either. Is this a problem?"

"No," Jeonghan said quite quickly, "No it isn't. I just didn't know."

A silence fell quickly between them and Jeonghan busied himself with the menu. Seungcheol visibly deflated at this action. They had been coming to the restaurant since the start of their college days and Jeonghan for the duration of those 4 years had gotten the same exact dish each and every time; Seungcheol found it hard to believe he'd had a change of heart.

"What, you don't get your spaghetti anymore?" Seungcheol attempted to tease, but his tone came out more accusing.

"I'm surprised you remember," Jeonghan placed the menu down softly, turning his face to meet Seungcheol's eyes. That made him nervous.

Before he could reply with something like, 'I remember everything about you', Jisoo and Seokmin came bounding over to the table giggling together in their own little world.

"Oh! You two are here," Seokmin smirked, "Did you come together?"

Jeonghan vehemently shook his head, "No, no. Seungcheol came first. I just got here."

Jisoo matched his companion's expression, "Sure, okay."

"Why don't we talk about why you two came together?" Seungcheol fired in defence, eager to take the attention away from them.

"Jisoo-hyung doesn't have his car yet, so I picked him up," Seokmin said as if it were the most obvious statement in the world.

As if it were like the old times, Seungcheol and Jeonghan sent each other an amused and unconvinced look before realising what they had done and quickly looked away.

Eventually, Jihoon and Soonyoung turned up and increased the distance between Seungcheol and Jeonghan and distracted the table with more updates about their wedding plans. Apparently, they had decided on a mocha cake for the middle tier of their 3 tiered cake and that Soonyoung had found his tuxedo.

"It's still a year away," Jihoon mumbled every time Soonyoung had a lightbulb moment of more updates he had to tell the group, but everyone knew that Jihoon was just as excited as his fiance to finally get married after years and years.

15 minutes in, Seungcheol was surprised to see Mingyu and Wonwoo come hand in hand walking with no care towards the table.

"We've already ordered," Joshua laughed. Those two were always the most late and that was only down to Mingyu and Mingyu only. He got distracted easily.

Mingyu took a seat next to Seungcheol and looked around before his face lit up and he delivered his next sentence in the most oblivious and innocent manner, "Oh my God! It's like a quadruple date!"

Jeonghan almost launched himself across the table to strangle the tall man.

-

vi. strawberry soju

Eventually, New Year's Eve comes around and Seungcheol feels like he's been in the city for years. He's truly settled into his job and he'd regained the same relationship with his friends. Sure, there was a large part missing, but even having Jeonghan in close proximity just by being in the same friendship group was enough.

Because they were all adults with full-time jobs and responsibilities, they weren't up to their same college antics of partying and getting all sweaty and drunk in a random house. Of course, they were all down to go to the club, but by general consensus, they decided on just a simple gathering at someone's house with chicken and beer.

It was at Jihoon and Soonyoung's house, which was where most gatherings were since everyone lived in apartments and the house was the place where they were least likely to get a noise complaint. Plus they always had a stocked drinks fridge.

Everyone had been there for a while, enjoying each other's company and getting slightly buzzed on beer and satiated with endless chicken. The karaoke had been set up again, but Junhui and Minghao had found the Chinese ballads section and were slumped on the couch on the verge of tears singing their hearts out. While everyone found their source of amusement in this, the two Chinese devils had found their source by next forcing everyone to tackle a Chinese song.

Seungcheol was curled up with a beer can next to Chan, who was babbling away happily about the new class he was teaching at Soonyoung's dance studio and how the kids were so talented. Seungcheol adored Chan's company, but eventually, Seungcheol excused himself to the toilet.

"It's down that corridor on the right," Jihoon pointed out.

"But hurry back!" Joshua called after him, "It's midnight in 2 minutes and we're counting down!"

It was always their favourite thing to do to count down as a group and it ended with everyone taking a shot together before turning to their partners.

Seungcheol rushed down the hallway that took him out of sight from the party in the living room and he quickly did his business and exited, but not before giving his face a quick splash with cold water to focus himself. He had been distracted all night by the sneaky glances that Jeonghan had been giving him. He kept catching the blonde's eye while in mid-conversation with someone else, and each time their eyes met, Seungcheol's heart would beat faster and faster.

"Oh shit!" Seungcheol yelled as he exited.

Jeonghan was leaning up against the wall outside the toilet, arms folded and a leg propping himself up. It was dark in the corridor as Seungcheol hadn't been bothered to turn on the lights, thinking his escapade to the bathroom to be a short and energy-saving one. The only light illuminating Jeonghan's angular features was the bathroom light that Seungcheol was about to switch off, but dimmed as the door shut behind him a smidge. He should turn that light off after, he thought to himself, but for now, he let it brighten the hallway.

"Do you need the toilet too?" Seungcheol offered awkwardly to the other boy.

"No," Jeonghan merely shook his head.

"Were you looking for me?"

Jeonghan shrugged, "I guess so."

"How come?"

"Why don't you text me?"

Seungcheol was taken aback by his directness and found it hard to string together the words to reply, "Uh, I'm sorry? I didn't know if you were open to that."

"Do you not want me anymore?" It was definitely the alcohol talking. Jeonghan was very honest when it got into his system.

"Jeonghan-ah," Seungcheol trailed off before being interrupted harshly.

"It's a yes or no question, Seungcheol."

Well, this was not how he pictured his New Years' Eve going. Seungcheol swallowed hard before letting the words fall out of his mouth, "I do, Han. But we're not together anymore. I broke your heart and I didn't come back for 3 years. It's not that simple."

"You were a coward," Jeonghan half-spat, "You didn't call or text or give me a chance to beg. Cause I would have, Seungcheol. I would have begged. I would have moved to Daegu and tried to fix our relationship if you even slightly implied it. I would have told you that I wish you took me with you."

Seungcheol flinched at the harsh words, but he knew them to be the truth, "I know. I was a coward. I thought our relationship had hit a dead end and I thought that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I thought I was giving you an out."

"You were giving yourself an out," Jeonghan snarked back, before his features melted, "But I'm asking you if you want to try again. Cause I'm here now and you're here and we're still single and no one I meet has ever lived up to you-"

"5! 4!"

The collective counting from the boys filtered into the dark hallway. Jeonghan's eyes were boring into Seungcheol's soul.

There were no words to describe Seungcheol's spinning head. He was elated, ecstatic, happy, but at the same time so confused.

"It's not so simple, Han," he repeated, "We need to properly talk about what happened."

"3! 2!"

"I still love you."

"1!"

Seungcheol blinked once and suddenly he felt hands gripping his shirt and pulling him close, and he tasted strawberry soju on his tongue. The familiar taste took him straight back to college and all he could remember was lovingly wrestling a blond boy against every surface to exist and when their lips would meet after whispered endearments and happy laughter, Seungcheol would taste strawberry soju.

Jeonghan's lips on his were hesitant as if waiting to be invited in. Seungcheol found his arm snaking around the slim waist of his once lover as he deepened their kiss and savoured in the familiarity of Jeonghan's kiss.

The noise of cheering cut through the silence and Jeonghan and Seungcheol pulled away and occupied the hallway with their laboured breaths.

Seungcheol was confused as to why he felt so conflicted. There Jeonghan was, asking for another chance when it was him that had his heart broken. It was Seungcheol who had left him regretfully, but it pained him to think Jeonghan was the one to say that he still loved him. How could Jeonghan love a man who broke his heart?

Seungcheol could only do one thing. He fled.

-

vii. i hate you

3 AM a few days later, Seungcheol was awoken from his deep slumber by the sound of his ringtone filling his dark room. He had initially thought it was his alarm waking him for another long day at work, but a quick glance out to the sky told him it was still nighttime, or at least the early hours of the morning.

Seungcheol picked up without even reading the name of the caller, "Hello?"

"Oh my God, Hyung! Thank God you picked up! Sorry to wake you up."

Seungkwan's distressed voice filled his ears and Seungcheol frowned, "Kwannie? Is everything okay? Do you need me?"

"Yeah, but it's kind of a difficult situation," Seungkwan began, "You know how me and Jeonghan, Jun, Hao, Hansol and Chan went out clubbing tonight?"

"Yes, on a Sunday night. I remember," Seungcheol almost chuckled to himself before remembering the panic that Seungkwan was speaking with, "Why? Is everyone okay?"

"Well, Jeonghan-hyung is crying," Seungkwan deadpanned, and for effect, directed the microphone over to a familiar wailing.

"You know he does that. Just stroke his hair and let him cuddle you. He'll fall asleep or throw up eventually," he recalled easily. He'd had enough practice to forget how to take care of drunk Jeonghan.

"We tried, hyung," it seemed as if Hansol had snatched the phone from Seungkwan, "But Jeonghan-hyung keeps crying and he says he wants to see you and he literally refuses to get up off the floor. He always cries about you, but he got really drunk tonight. He's been saying something about you running away and he won't stop crying. We got kicked out of the club."

Seungcheol's heart dropped, "Oh. Do you want me to come pick him up? I don't know how happy he'll be in the morning but I guess if he's asking for me... Anyway, I'll come now. Text me your address. Is everyone okay?"

"We all pretty much sobered up from it," Hansol sighed, "Thanks, Hyung. Please come quickly."

Seungcheol only threw on a hoodie and joggers and ran out of his apartment in his slides, heart beating and adrenaline pumping. Thankfully, they weren't too far away from his apartment and the roads were mostly empty. Sure, he may have broken a few speed limits, but his Jeonghan was on the floor crying for him.

He pulled up near the group on the kerb and quickly got out to assess the situation. Jeonghan was still on the floor cross-legged, leaning on Junhui's legs while Minghao paced in front and Chan was trying to comfort the poor man.

"Hyung!" Seungkwan called out, tone laced with relief, "Thanks for coming. We really couldn't help this time."

Seungcheol's eyes softened at the boy on the floor who was sobbing into his sweater paws. Seungcheol bent down and reached eye level with Jeonghan, "Hannie, I'm gonna need you to get off the floor."

Jeonghan's eyes snapped forwards to him,m and it seemed that at that moment, anger coursed through him. Jeonghan started pounding with his fists on Seungcheol's chest and thankfully, he was drunk so they didn't really hurt physically. His state, though- that hurt Seungcheol to see him cry like that.

"What are you doing here?" Jeonghan cried out, "I hate you! You always fucking leave!"

Tears welled up in Seungcheol's eyes as he wrapped his arms around the boy, encouraging him to stand up. Seungcheol didn't dare to meet the eyes of his friends who were definitely staring in shock at the scene playing out in front of them.

"I know Han. I know. I'm sorry for leaving and for running away," Seungcheol cooed. He had managed to wrestle the boy into standing, but his arms were still wrapped around Jeonghan, "Come on, Han. Let's get you home."

"I hate you," Jeonghan kept repeating. His beatings on Seungcheol's chest were reduced to taps as Jeonghan's cries faded down slightly. That was definitely progress, "I hate you so much."

"Do you know where he lives?" Minghao came up behind Seungcheol, "His keys are in his pocket."

"I got him, guys. Thanks for trying. Get home safe," Seungcheol murmured to his friends. Jeonghan was thrashing in his arms, but Seungcheol refused to let go, "Can someone open my passenger door?"

Junhui quickly opened the door and Seungcheol scooped up Jeonghan into a bridal style position in order to place him inside the car. It was definitely easier said than done because Jeonghan was very drunk and still crying a lot, but he managed to get it done with the help of Hansol who made sure Jeonghan's head didn't bump into the top of the car.

Seungcheol eventually got into the driver's seat after waving his friends away and sighed at the man who was still claiming to hate him. He put Jeonghan through a lot of pain and this was one of his first manifestations of it in front of Seungcheol. Jeonghan had always acted so indifferent and eager to get back together.

He reached over to secure the seatbelt over Jeonghan and quickly drove to his apartment. After a few more law breaks, they made it in one piece and Seungcheol was dragging a still crying Jeonghan into an elevator and encouraging him to take out his keys. In the middle of his babbles, he complied and dropped them onto the ground, but at least Seungcheol could open his apartment.

Jeonghan's cries echoed even louder in his apartment and it took 3 doors for Seungcheol to find his bedroom. As he expected, there was a glass of water and some hangover pills on the nightstand already. Jeonghan always prepared in the same way before a night out because he knew how he'd get. In the earlier years of their relationship in college, Seungcheol had been the one to prepare the water and medicine on the nightstand for Jeonghan, until Jeonghan himself caught on and began doing it for himself.

"Hannie," Seungcheol cooed again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"I love you so much, Choi Seungcheol," Jeonghan had cried out, "And I hate you for that. I was doing better and you came back and ruined it all."

Seungcheol managed to force a few gulps of water into Jeonghan's system and to take off Jeonghan's shoes and socks and he wrestled the drunk man into the bed. He turned on the fan as Jeonghan was fully clothed and was bound to get hot during his slumber, but Seungcheol was in no position to strip him.

"I know Han. I'm sorry. You need to sleep. Please get some rest."

Jeonghan's cries turned into whimpers as he buried himself into his sheets, "I love you, Cheol. Please stay."

Seungcheol sighed deeply as he pushed back Jeonghan's damp hair and placed a kiss on his forehead, "I'm not leaving again, Hannie."

"No, tonight," Jeonghan mumbled, "Please stay with me."

Seungcheol hummed, running his fingers through Jeonghan's hair repeatedly as he knew that to be the best way to coax him into sleep. He was perched on the edge of Jeonghan's bed, and as Jeonghan stopped moving around, Seungcheol was able to look around the room.

It was pretty plain. A bed in the centre, a desk with his gaming setup, a wardrobe in the corner and two nightstands on either side of the bed.

Seungcheol's eyes focused on a picture frame behind the water and when he processed the image, he felt tears gather on his lash line, ready to fall at the next blink.

It was a picture from their graduation day in their robes. Jisoo was grinning in the middle with an arm wrapped around both of his best friends. Jeonghan was on the left, a bouquet of flowers in his hands, but he was in mid-laugh, facing to the right where Seungcheol was grinning back at him affectionately.

It was the photo that Seungcheol and Jeonghan had displayed in the living room of their shared apartment, but Seungcheol hadn't realised that Jeonghan had kept it, let alone keep it on his nightstand. Had he had it up all these years.

He was snapped out of his daze by Jeonghan's snoring and realised he was crying.

-

viii. give me a chance

Jeonghan woke up with the worst headache he had endured in years. The blinding light from the window had directed itself into his eyes and no matter how exhausted he was, he was forced to wake up. He found himself still in last night's clothes, sans his shoes, but the fan was on and the glass was only half full.

Jeonghan looked to the other side of the bed. Empty, as always. Jeonghan quickly swallowed the tablet he had laid out for his hangover and downed the water, before groaning loudly at his antics. He could not believe how much he cried. Seungcheol had picked him up, right? God, he said so many embarrassing things, but they were all fuzzy in his mind.

"Jeonghan? Are you okay? I heard noises," Seungcheol burst into the room, causing Jeonghan to yell in surprise.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" Jeonghan screeched, covering himself with his duvet even though he was fully clothed.

"You asked me to stay!" Seungcheol defended, "I slept on the couch though!"

"Oh," was all Jeonghan could muster. Seungcheol had always been considerate of him in his drunk state.

"Anyway, I made breakfast," Seungcheol said sheepishly, "Sorry if you mind me going through your fridge."

"It's okay. Thank you," Jeonghan sighed, standing up and putting his slippers on, "Can I just change and wash up?"

Seungcheol nodded innocently before leaving the room and returning to the kitchen to attend to the eggs that were now a little over well done. Eventually, Jeonghan returned in pyjamas and dripping hair. He was always fast at showering and changing.

"How are you feeling?" Seungcheol placed a bowl of steaming rice in front of him as he sat down.

"Worst hangover of the century. I can't believe everyone let me get that drunk," Jeonghan scolded himself internally, "But thank you for getting me and taking care of me."

"No problem, Han. Anything for you."

Jeonghan tried to hide his blush as he looked at the clock, "Isn't it Monday? Don't you have work?"

"Yeah, but I called in sick," Seungcheol began, "I wanted to wait for you to get up so we can talk."

"Talk," Jeonghan breathed out, "Yeah, I guess we should."

"I just want to apologise," Seungcheol said, "For running out on you on New Year's Eve. I'm just so torn."

"That was a dick move. Again," Jeonghan uttered, "Why did you? Why are you torn?"

"You still love me, Han. You deserve so much better than someone who broke your heart," Seungcheol exclaimed.

"Isn't that for me to decide?" Jeonghan snapped back, shoving a mound of rice and egg into his mouth, "If you don't love me, just tell me. I hate this dancing around that we're doing with each other."

Seungcheol stammered, "I- It's always you Han. It'll only ever be you. I don't want to leave you again, but I want you to be sure of it."

Jeonghan scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Seungcheol, I'm the only one here that's been trying to get us back together. I'm the one that's putting my pain behind me and telling you that I still love you. Which of my actions say that I'm not sure?"

"I don't know," Seungcheol felt small, "I guess I'm being stupid. I just hate myself so much for leaving you that-"

"That you think you don't deserve me anymore?" Jeonghan finished, "Well maybe you don't. But we were together for over 4 years. We weren't fighting at the end because we didn't love each other; life just got hard and we weren't leaning on each other. All these years I've tried to move on, but I just couldn't stop loving you no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much you hurt me. I need you, Seungcheol. Just for once, consider how I feel and give me a chance."

"You're a better person than I'll ever be, Yoon Jeonghan," Seungcheol breathed out, staring at the man in front of him with something akin to adoration. For all the terrible things he had done, he was rewarded with such great things.

"I know I am, so come here and kiss me lifeless."

-

ix. shotgun

"What?" Seungcheol yelled into his phone, "You're doing what?"

"You hear me, Choi Seungcheol," Soonyoung giggled from the other end of the line, "Now get your ass over to the address in your best suit. You have an hour. And I assume you can tell Yoon Jeonghan too."

And with a click, the line dropped.

"Baby?" Jeonghan's figure entered the bedroom, "What's happening? I heard you scream."

Seungcheol looked up at his 2 month lover in amusement, "It was Soonyoung on the phone. I can't believe what he's doing."

"Is he going on another trip around Asia to see tigers again? Ah, can you even believe he's an adult?"

"No," Seungcheol wheezed out, "He's demanding we get to the courthouse within an hour in our suits."

"What?" Jeonghan's eyes widened, "Why?"

"They're having a shotgut wedding," Seungcheol grinned, "Soonyoung said they just can't wait 8 more months to actually get married so they're signing the papers today. Come on, Han. Let's get ready."

"Those crazy idiots," Jeonghan laughed, "It was Jihoon's idea, wasn't it?"

Seungcheol joined in with his lover's laughter as he wrapped his arm around the other and peppered kissed all over him, "Of course it was. Jihoon is so whipped for Soonie. Hey, maybe we should do something like that too."

Jeonghan rolled his eyes playfully as he untangled himself from Seungcheol's grip, "Slow your roll. We've only been dating 2 months."

Seungcheol's eyes brightened as he took Jeonghan's face into his hands and planted a passionate kiss on his lips, "But I've been in love with you for 9 years. A lot longer than Jihoon and Soonyoung."

It was true. They had met when Seungcheol transferred from Daegu to Jeonghan's school at the start of their junior year. Jeonghan had been tasked to show him around and to this day, Seungcheol claims it was love at first sight on the skinny boy with shoulder length brown hair. They had been inseparable all through high school, and Seungcheol followed Jeonghan into college and confessed on the third night that they moved out.

"Put a ring on my finger and maybe I'll consider it," Jeonghan smirked and pushed him away, "I'm gonna go to my apartment and change into a suit, so I'll meet you there?"

Seungcheol nodded, and Jeonghan connected their lips sweetly, "I'll see you later, Hannie. I love you."

"I love you too! I'm so excited to see you in your suit!"

Jeonghan let the bedroom door click shut behind him, leaving Seungcheol sitting on his bed in some kind of a daze. His best friends were getting married! They were having a shotgun wedding! They were crazy like that, he thought to himself.

Eventually, his mind and eyes wandered to the drawer in front of his bed that held his TV. In the third drawer, underneath his sleep shirts, he had buried a small and square velvet box that he had purchased impulsively at the end of his senior year. The ring that sat inside wasn't so expensive actually, but Jeonghan had pointed it out one day when they were walking hand in hand in the shopping centre. It had been on sale and maybe it was stupid of Seungcheol to dip into his savings and buy a ring, but he did.

Seungcheol knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jeonghan then, and he shared the sentiment now. He knew that if he got down on one knee, Jeonghan would say yes. He knew that if he seriously suggested following in Jihoon and Soonyoung's footsteps and saying fuck it to everything, Jeonghan would say yes. They were each other's everything- each other's soulmates.

He snapped himself out of imagining what married life would be like with Jeonghan and rushed over to his wardrobe to pick out his best suit.

Soon, Seungcheol thought to himself, soon.

#jeongcheol #seventeen #svt #seventeen au #fic recs #jeongcheol au #exes to lovers #jeonghan #seungcheol #yoon jeonghan #choi seungcheol #jeongcheol fic recs #jeongcheol fluff #jeongcheol angst #jeongcheol fic #fluff #angst #kpop au

[cottoncandy1322]

I am feeling so normal right now, 100%, totally...

My brain is spinning between two different shows right now so I'm gonna dump my thoughts here while I eat pancakes at 11pm.

So like wouldn't Loki and Sylvie technically be related or something??? I might be reading too much into them I just don't like their ship all too much. I also don't get how all this...uh...time travel multiverse variant stuff works very well so.

Mobius and Loki are so cute please I love their friendship why can't they just be gay for eachother instead.

It actually kinds makes sense that Loki's first live would be himself(Sylvie) cause...yk it's Loki. It's kinda funny.

Is Cole okay??? My mans did not seem very okay during the scene where he left to follow the mysterious Wu voice and I'm genuinely worried.

Jay is still Jay, loving those videogames, but he also a little snarky with was interesting to see in him. Still hoping he and Cole have an epic showdown.

That red djinn guy was...okay I guess. I'm disappointed my evil pirate genje man wasn't there. I'm still hoping he appears at some point.

You know how there ar a lot of peope upset with Zane being treated more like a robot than a person in Dragons Rising? We could write angst with that and you know I'm right.

I feel like Beatrix and Sons of Garmadon Harumi would kinda get along. Possibly cause some havoc together yk?

I saw a tik tok where some people thought it would be possible Lava ship might happen in Dragons Rising and I just want to say. Kai has a GIRLFRIEND if you didn't know. He's dating Skylor. Kailor(or however the ship name is spelled I forget) is canon. They are dating. I am sorry. Cole can still be gay though so it's not a complete loss.

I supsected something was being planned for Cole after the news of his new power was leaked on youtube. I hope he's okay but I also hope for angst tbh.

Is Dareth getting character development still going to be a thing?? I swear I heard it somewhere. Please say yes. Please. Dareth deserves it he's great.

Does Dareth canonically have powers now?? Does he still have them?? Does he still need to pee everytime he uses it?? Has he used it at all ever since that one episode??

I was excited out of my mind when Jay appears for a single scene. I knew he wasn't going to play a major role in this first season after a couple of tweets I saw posted on yt. I'm excited for him.

Do you suppose Zane and Jay will bond over memory loss trauma? ....We could write angst for that.

Okay that's all for now. Thanks for listening. :)

#loki laufeyson #loki series #ninjago #jay walker #dragons rising #cole brookstone #sylvie laufeyson #My brain is screing my body is screaming everything is screaming I'm so hyper amd happy and excited and I don't even know this is so great #I miss Cole again already #Cole be safe pls but not too safe for the funsies yk

[foxymoxynoona]

I'll admit I'm struggling with this story, lol. I'm trying to figure out your plan, and not-so-secretly love that I can't. One thing I have noticed, and it might just be my sharp JK bias, but other than when Sasha dumped him, it almost feels like he's always the "bad guy", the one doing stupid shit that causes problems for them. So much so that when I read these other asks, most readers are usually on Sashs's "side" of whatever the current conflict is. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm waiting for something to make me understand why she loves him and stays with him. Sometimes the relationship feels uneven. Yet I know it's not and that she most definitely has her issues. But, he has to have issues too, right? The way he grew up in the spotlight, privileged, prodigious, but also imprisoned in a lot of ways. I don't know what I'm saying here exactly, but I just wonder if his acting out/rebelliousness needs some addressing? If maybe he wanted to be caught? I'm sorry for rambling. I'm avoiding going back to work. Can't wait for what you have planned, as always.

😎 It's great fun watching the tide go back and forth and often eddy into division about who's giving more or causing more problems or pulling more of their weight. There are definitely plenty of "why is she with him" comments but also just about as many "she's holding out on him" comments, etc etc. You could say that Sasha has some deeper attachment issues that impact the relationship while JK is more likely to make short-sighted mistakes, but there are also examples of the opposite for both of them. Truly a mess, haha!

I think I've mentioned before, I think Flux was a lot of rapid growth for Sasha due to her internal conflicts imploding. My Matryoshka leans more into Jungkook's struggles, which surfaced in the last book when he basically melted down over their breakup but were sort of tamped down as he focused on Sasha. Many readers had commented about feeling like Jungkook didn't actually realize or address just how much he struggled in Flux --and here we are in My Matryoshka seeing more things bubble, some of which are his own doing and some of which are a result of his career/lifestyle. He's been pushing boundaries more and more over time as he tries to develop a sense of control and his own identity. It makes sense Sasha is a boundary he'll push against too --and arguably that can be a positive thing, for him to feel confident and secure enough to test that relationship, but the context of boundary pushing is not necessarily... comfortable, let's say.

I think what I'm trying to say is, sometimes "bad" (rebellious, acting out, however you want to phrase it) behavior has a really important ,valuable developmental reason. Look at toddlers and teenagers and the hell they can put their loved ones through 😂 Originally Sasha was part of his boundary pushing, then she became a boundary to push against, and so on.

As for the question "why does she love him/be with him" or the reverse comes up a lot with readers and it's very interesting to me. Why is anyone with the person they're with? Some blend of ilogical emotion/attachment, careful evaluation, choice, and stubbornness despite the difficulties. I suppose there are relationships where things are only ever easy, but for many in long term relationships there are going to be rough patches and it comes down to the individuals in the relationship and how they decide for themselves what's worth staying for or when it's time to leave. From my own personal experience, life can get hard in ways it's impossible to predict, and the impact that past trauma can have on a relationship can be really, really hard to work through on top of that. Hard doesn't necessarily mean not worth it!

It makes sense that we spend a great deal of time evaluating the relationships we see in stories to decide our own boundaries and needs. In this case, I do have a master plan of what I'm trying to convey with their relationship, but it's a long term message. Sometimes I'm so impatient and wish I could just skip ahead or give the answers, but the journey is part of it 😎 So we will all have to be patient and live it.

Trust me, it's harder for me to be patient hahah

#asks #my matryoshka #secret song series

[hedicate]

Honestly I'm just going to leave this here because I know I'll literally never touch this app again after I delete it

I'm just going to drop the biggest rant I've ever dropped in my entire life right here right now cuz I'm not about to go out of my way to rant to someone I know doesn't care about me anymore and has already seemingly moved on with his life

You were not ready for a relationship and your behavior proved that to me, and so did deep thought and realization. Between the comparing my behavior to your exes all the way to hurting me to my core because of your outlashes on me. It was all too much for me and I hope to god you can heal from the things people have put you through before you put someone through the same thing you put me through. Does that make sense? I don't know.

I felt like after everything I did, all of the sacrifices I made it wasn't ever good enough for you. I felt like an animal in a cage being poked at by you and your friends, that no matter what I did to show you how much I love you and how much you could trust me, I will always be seen as the dirt under your shoe.

And when you were comfortable, this is when our 70%/30% effort problem began to happen. That's not being "comfortable", that's an unhealthy way of saying "alright guys! I don't want to participate anymore because I know he's just going to stay with me in the long run!"

If that's just "the way you are", I'm sorry but that's not a valid excuse for the way you treated me.

Things began to click for me after you told me, after five whole months, you haven't told me anything about yourself other than your trauma, I felt like I was talking to a complete and total stranger. Like I just told you everything about me, and you gave me a part of you that isn't even happening at this moment and you left it with me. Is that all you wanted? You wanted a place to dump your past off and leave it there?

The real cherry on top was you letting your ex REALLY affect the way you thought about me, letting him tell me off and disrespect me when you KNOW your own morals. I felt like I was in stocks, I felt like people were throwing tomatoes at me and laughing.

It's ALWAYS been me getting the backlash from you, and Mya, and Evan and everyone. You preach and preach on how it's both sides but I know you'll continue to validate your behavior and talk about me like I'm some sort of lesson to your friends, and not even the good kind. I know you enough to make something negative out of me because that's all you do, that's all you'll ever see me as.

That's not you piecing anything together in your head, that's not your automatic reaction. You'd repeat things over and over again because you ACTUALLY believed it, you were just too afraid to admit it to me because let me guess.. You were scared of me?

I sometimes wonder if we would've still been together if you hadn't let Evan come back, and the answer is no. That may be the only thing I'm thankful for, is for him making me realize that I could never be good enough for you no matter how much blood, sweat and tears I put into you. The fact that you could talk about him the way you spoke about me is heartbreaking and it says absolutely everything to me that needed to be said.

I hope you end up happy with Evan because we all know that you never even stopped loving him, you talk about him in ways that I've never seen you talk about anyone before including me. You act like I never loved you for you even though you never gave me the opportunity to, and you idolize him after I leave. You say you could never find the words to express your "love for me" but you seemed to find them perfectly for him and that makes everything crystal clear to me. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM, stop being in denial.

The COUNTLESS nights I've sobbed in my mother's arms, in my best friends arms over you because of the way you treated me. You made me feel worse about myself for even simply existing.

I admit I made mistakes in our relationship, plenty to count, but I always tried to fix my wrongdoing, even when I knew nothing would've changed the way you saw me.

I don't wish any ill will towards you or your friends, but you're dead to me. We are and never will be friends or acquaintances ever again and I won't ever reach out to you.

@notverytexanytexan