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princip1914 · 3 years

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A few thoughts on writing longfic

I’ve had this post brewing for a while and I figured since today is a Friday I might as well let it out into the wild.

First off, this is not writing advice. I don’t feel qualified to give writing advice. This is a few observations I’ve made over the course of trying to write something that feels, well, long. Fandom is full of excellent authors writing long chaptered fic, but I don’t see a lot of people talking about how they go about producing such fics. I remember feeling like long fic was really out of reach for me when I started writing again in the summer of 2019 after not writing for years and years and I wanted to talk a bit about how that changed for me. Of course, this post comes with all the caveats that there is no need to ever write long fic if you’re not feeling it. Some of my favorite authors write mostly or only oneshots! But, if you are interested, here’s my lengthy, self indulgent, and entirely personal take on ~the longfic process~ below the cut.

First, to get this out of the way: long fic is anything that feels long or complicated to you, the author. “I’m working on my long fic” can mean that you’re branching out from microfiction to write something that’s 2k long, or it can mean you’ve got a multi-part 800k epic. There’s no objective measure of if something is “long fic,” Your own personal definitions can also change as you grow in confidence or change your focus as a writer (a little over a year ago when I finished Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire topping out at 31k, that felt very very long to me. Now it feels….still long, but not very very long.)

Here are a few specific things that helped me write something long. I don’t know if they will be interesting for anyone else, but at the very least writing these down has been a fun way for me to reflect on my own process.

Practice exercises. Ok, this is going to sound exceedingly obvious, but writing one shots prepares you for writing chaptered fic. Here’s what I mean more specifically: if you know you want to write (as a totally hypothetical example) a chaptered fic set in America in the summer that relies heavily on a nature metaphors, is written out of chronological order, and features a melancholy tone--it helps to write a few one shots like that before you embark on the Big Fic. Just like artists tend to do sketches before starting a big piece, it’s very helpful to write something small that gives you a feel for the ~vibe~ of what you’re trying to do in the long fic. It’s helpful for all the usual reasons--you get to know a specific version of the characters which helps plan out a character driven plot for the long fic--but it’s also helpful because you will learn if the tone and mood of the fic has enough staying power to capture your interest for the long haul. For instance, I have a few unfinished chaptered fics that have a humorous tone. I wish I had done more short humorous fics before starting them, because I would have realized that I don’t currently have the mental stamina to hold up a humorous tone for the length of a chaptered fic (hopefully that will change and I will finish Last Days some time this century!).

Plan it out ahead of time. I used google sheets for The False and the Fair. I do not think God intended google sheets to be used for fiction, but that was not going to stop me. On a more serious note, I think the best tool for planning fiction is the one you’re the most comfortable with--the notes app in your phone, handwriting, word, google drive, sheets, chalk board, summoning circle, the blood of your enemies, etc. The reason I chose to use sheets is that I knew from the very beginning that I wanted certain things to happen at specific places in the story--for instance, I wanted the first kiss to happen at the end of the first third of the story and I wanted the “reveal” about the mine accident to happen at the end of the second third of the story. But, I didn’t know what was supposed to go in between those elements. A traditional outline for a story at this point in development might have looked like:

Meet cute

Kiss

Reveal

Ending

But, what my brain needed was to preserve the blank spaces in between these story elements, and specifically to preserve the right amount of blank space between these story elements so that it didn’t end up, for instance, that the first kiss was halfway through rather than a third of the way through. In this way, I found google sheets an invaluable tool for pacing in the early parts of the planning process. I simply made 30 rows assuming 30 chapters, and started plugging in the elements I knew I wanted in the locations I wanted them. Then I filled in the blank spaces by asking myself “how do we get from X plot element to Y plot element in Z amount of chapters.” I’m not a mountain climber, but I’ve often thought about the first things that go into the spreadsheet in terms of mountain climbing terminology. In climbing, a crux move, which can be anywhere along the route, is the most difficult move of the route: if you can’t do it, you can’t do the route. I think of the first things that go into the planning spreadsheet as the crux moves of the story, the most important pieces around which everything else turns. It was not an accident that those were also all the first scenes of the fic that I wrote; if I couldn’t do those scenes, I couldn’t do the story the way I planned it so I wanted to know early on if I needed to make changes.

Make changes if you have to: even though it helps to have things planned in advance, don’t resist the story if it tries to change on you while you’re writing it. Usually the feeling that you have to make changes stems from having a plot that is not entirely character driven. As you write the story, the characters reveal themselves and sometimes the plot has to change to change with the characters’ motivations. Here’s an area where fanfic writers have a leg up on everyone else: if you write fic, you already know the characters really well. That means, (in my experience anyway) it’s less likely that you’ll have a surprise character development which leads to a rethinking of the whole plot. Less likely, but not completely unlikely, unfortunately.

Lie to yourself: The False and the Fair was supposed to be 90k words. I thought that sounded reasonable, a little less than 3x the longest fic I had ever written. Now it's 161k and will probably top out a little over 170k. Ooops. But I never would have set out to write something that long. I wouldn’t have thought I could do it, even though anyone more experienced looking at my plans for the fic probably would have laughed at the idea I could cover all those plot points in 90k. Ignorance is bliss. Protect your ignorance.

Scrivener: Long fic for me means “fic that is long enough you can’t hold all the parts of it in your head at once.” That’s where Scrivener comes in (or another app if you’d rather, but I really like Scrivener for the ability to see the project either linearly or as condensed notecards). You can put together an organizational scaffold in Scrivener that allows you to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. So, for instance, you might be going for a jog and come up with the perfect line of dialogue for chapter 27 when you’re only up to chapter 5 in terms of writing progress. With Scrivener, you can go home, and put that dialogue in the “bucket”/index card/whatever for chapter 27 without compromising your ability to see chapter 5 clearly or muddying up your google doc. You can then use the fact that you’ve started writing bits and pieces of the later chapters in conjunction with the tool of lying to yourself that, actually, you’ve written a lot more of the fic than you realize and that when you get to chapter 27 it won’t be as hard as chapter 5 because you’ve put in the groundwork already. In my experience, this lie turns out to be true about 50% of the time, which is better than 0% of the time.

Digestible mini arcs: The False and the Fair was originally broken up into thirds. I thought it would be 90k and 30k was the longest I had written, so thirds seemed to make sense. Also, 3 is a nice, time honored storytelling number. I think it’s good to give yourself seemingly achievable milestones along the way to completion. These milestones (for me anyway) lined up well with the “crux moments” I’ve described. If you’re someone who likes to write out of order, writing your way to an already written milestone can feel like sailing to an island where you get to rest for a bit from the stormy seas before setting out for the next island in the archipelago.

“It's all part of the process”: I’m categorically incapable of describing things without resorting to running metaphors, and so I apologize in advance, but I am now going to do the insufferable thing of comparing writing a long fic to running a marathon. Here’s the thing with a marathon. You are not going to feel good every step of the way. We all know this. It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt a little bit, especially at the end. In the same way you literally cannot write something novel length or even novella or long short story length without, at least at some point, feeling bad about yourself and your writing. But you also can’t run a marathon if the whole thing is agony, and for most people, it’s not--your meat sack shuffling along the course is subjected to the slings and arrows of all sorts of weird body chemistry that only happens when you push it to its limits. So, you’ll be in agony and then the endorphins will kick in for a while and you’ll be thinking “this isn’t nearly as bad as everyone said,” and then you’ll drink some water at a rest stop and feel like a God for half a mile before you crash and you’re in agony again until that one perfect song comes up on the playlist...and you get the idea. Writing something long, for me at least, is a bit like that. There are massive ups and downs. The key for me is to just understand it’s all part of the process, a necessary step on the way to the finish line. If the fic is 10 chapters long, at some point you have to write chapter 5. Just like you have to write chapter 5, at some point you also have to go through a bit of despair before reaching the end. It is unfortunately non-optional. In fact, despairing is something you can check off your list each time you’ve done it. Cut dialogue tags, check. Feel awful about my writing for thirty minutes, check. Write ending section, check. Often I feel that the stress and shame and fear that come with bad emotions while writing are worse than the bad emotions themselves. It really helps me to remember these emotions are all part of the process and nothing to worry about. If I didn’t have them, then I would worry!

I certainly have plenty more to say about writing, but this ramble has gone on long enough. If you’re interested in any of this stuff, please feel free to send me an ask.

I would also love to know more about everyone else’s writing processes, so feel free to pop into my ask box to talk about your own approach too! I am very interested in this stuff!

#long post #writing #fic #princip's fic #princip writes #princip's musings #longfic #how make words go

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crownlessliestheking · 3 years

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Bfic writing asks

Thank you so much, @samarqqand!! Reading your answers was great, and now I, uh. Shall expose myself entirely.

how many works do you have on AO3?

86 currently, with 3 drafts and a heap of WIPs.

what’s your total AO3 word count?

854664. I don’t know if this reflects works that I’ve orphaned (of which there’s 2-3) or not.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

12 + 1 original work. A lot of my fics are Homestuck (the majority of them, in fact; I’ve been involved with that nightmare the longest), then there’s Tolkien stuff (ofc), Bleach, Good Omens, BNHA, and so on. Other than HS and Tolkien, most of the others only have 1-2 fics.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14614890 (The Silmarillion)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11429445 (Homestuck)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702595 (The Hobbit)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3680553 (The Hobbit)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28378251 (Bleach)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! At least, I do my best to- sometimes I just don’t have the energy for it. But I tend to be extremely chatty when I do, as some of you may know.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, god. I don’t know. I’ve done a couple with major character death, for sure? Okay, more than a couple. There’s plenty. I did an AU of The Road (Homestuck again, sorry), that one hurts. It remains one of the best things I’ve ever written, though.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not often. The wildest one is a Star Wars/Song of Achilles FinnPoe crossover. I had a short and intense SW phase after TFA came out. TLJ cured me of it.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I’ve been lucky not to.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yes. I prevaricate on it so it also parallels as a character study, or a vehicle for pounding out (ha) relationship dynamics, as it were. The emotional undertones, even in a PWP are far more interesting to me than the actual mechanics.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, no. Someone else had the same idea for something as I did, but they published their fic first, but that doesn’t count. Especially since I’ve never once interacted with said person. I think the fic is on hiatus, actually? No clue.

have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! One of my Bleach fics (to come) will have been done with a co-author, and the top kudos’d fic of mine (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14614890) is technically a collab, as each chapter is written by someone else, and we all did it on a lil tumblr post ages ago.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Don’t have a favorite, really? I do always come back to Silvergifting, though.

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

MAN. Dare I say many of them? I have one for Elwing that I’m trying not to think too hard about. It won’t even be that long, but- bluh. Honestly, some of the fics I have on AO3 are WIPs that just won’t ever be done, especially the Hobbit ones. F in the chat. Hell, some of the shit I had on ff.net in 2013 (shoutout to TVD) is still lying unfinished on my computer somewhere.

what are your writing strengths?

I think my prose is halfway tolerable, and I’ve somehow become kind of good at writing historical fiction couched in like...Regency era/Victorian era language. Go figure. I am also quite good at descriptions, not necessarily of people.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes/action scenes. I struggle a lot with them.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t usually do it, but I have no issue with those who do. Especially for folks in the Tolkien fandom- forever amazed at that level of scholarship.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

TECHNICALLY I wrote a Pirates of the Caribbean rip-off fanfic when I was like, eight. But after that? I think The Vampire Diaries. The CW show.

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hm. I really like the horror Maglor I did (inspired by the very same person who tagged me! Wrinkliest brain around). But I’m going to go with the Ambarussa piece I did for Feanorian week. https://archiveofourown.org/works/30170610 Something happened there, and it was a joy to write, even if it’s rough and unpolished.

If we’re going by fics of mine that I’ve *read* the most, it’d have to be this one https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120744 (Homestuck). I’m the only person who has written for this relationship, I think; I had to make the AO3 tag on my own. It’s terribly self-indulgent, but I like it. I don’t usually reread my fics, this is one of the exceptions.

I don’t know who to tag that hasn’t done this already, so. Let’s see. @ectoobaby and @spacehussy if you desire? @arofili, @findrahil, @lemurious, and like. Whoever wants to but hasn’t yet!

#writing game #i have shown my whole ass with this #now you know my secrets

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thompsborn · 3 years

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Happy FFWF! What's the longest fic you've ever written? What's the shortest? Which do you prefer writing?

okay so every time someone asks about like generalized fics i have to figure out how to answer because this is my marvel account but i’ve written officially (officially meaning i’ve POSTED) for three fandoms so i’m like,,, how do i answer

SO, the longest fic i have EVER written is actually only halfway complete even though i have the full outline written still and i still plan on going back and finishing it eventually if only because i projected so much of me into the characters and shit and i also love it a lot and even if i’m not really in the it fandom anymore i still love the characters so much and i do miss writing them even if there were a lot of people in the fandom that ended up making me not want to write them anymore, but that fic is called paranoia, it’s only 11/20 chapters, and it’s at 96,771 words from those 11 chapters.

the follow ups in terms of word count for my it fandom fics are empty world (56,616 words, 3 chapters, complete), and this is who we are (40,763 words, 8 chapters, complete), and for you, from me (36,193 words, 3 chapters, complete)

the longest marvel fic i’ve written so far (the portal closed is definitely going to become the longest once it’s done, probably around 120k-150k ish) is making a home, which is 57,006 words, but the series is at 195,008 words so far!

and then also i kind of randomly fell into the harry potter fandom at some point last year while in a depression drop and found solace is really cute ron/harry content and then i wrote a one shot, sea green, see blue which is 30,928 words and is also part one in a series that i’ll keep writing at some point because i’m in like. 30 fandoms. even if i don’t write for most of them. but i want to write for all of them, i just don’t have the fuckin’ time to, and also i am such a fucking sucker for those childhood friends to lovers tropes/friend to lovers tropes in general. like i eat that shit UP. it’s SO good.

but anyway!! honestly i enjoy writing all kinds of formats of fics, mostly depending on what formatting fits the vibes of the fic the best, but for some reason my favorite style of fics are the two or three chapter ones that range anywhere from around 15k words to like 60k words. i have no idea why but i find it the most satisfying to write and also the most fun. i have no idea why but i write fics like this a lot. like this one. and this one. idk man i just love this format it’s so fun!! though the “title that are (written like this)” and are like 10k-20k word one shots? also dope. i also love those. i’ve done that a couple times, too, like this one.

i didn’t mean to link so many things in this post but my ass has been writing fics since i was literally fourteen (we don’t talk about quotev or wattpad) and posting on ao3 since 2018 so i’m like,,, i’ve got a lot of examples to give pffff

#ffwf #my writing #my it fics #sarah-sandwich

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clarkimagines · 4 years

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A Needle and Thread

Part 1 / Part 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Prompt: “I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you’re with them"

Word Count: 1969

For @cosmicbucky ‘s 300 followers challenge! Congratulations, you’re amazing and you deserve all 300 and more!!

A/N: I figured I’d post something soft after yesterday’s angst fest. The prompt really inspired me, which is why this is the longest fic i’ve ever written ( :D!) A much shorter part two is coming tomorrow! the awesome divider was made by @writeyourmindaway!

The mission was quick and easy. Rescue the hostages? Check. Find the communications devices? Check. Take out the operatives stationed throughout the building? Already nearly done.

“Alright. Just one room left.” You waited for Natasha to give you the go-ahead over your comms.

You locked eyes with Bucky. He stepped back, prepared to kick the door down. You nodded. The wood splintered beneath his heel. The room was smaller than either of you expected, barely larger than a closet, and seemingly empty. Bucky started to turn to you, then paused when pain tore through his arm. Instantly, you sprang into action, pulling your teammate back and taking out the man who had hurt him.

“Shit, Barnes,” you muttered. “Can you make it to the rendezvous?”

Bucky just nodded. He’d had worse.

A half-hour later, you cornered him and asked to take a look at his injury.

“It’s just a scrape,” Bucky had protested. It was no use. You took one look at the cut and knew he would need stitches. Fine. What he hadn’t realized was that you would sew him back up.

“You don’t have to do that yourself,” you had insisted. “You’ve got a team, remember? We help each other.”

Any other time, he would have refused. He was used to the sting of the antiseptic, gritting his teeth and bearing it. But he was tired. He was angry with himself for worrying you and for letting you help him, but he was too damn tired to care much more than that.

There were so many reasons this shouldn’t be happening. Too many. Because he was a murderer, an assassin, because he was everything you weren’t, because he had a bloody hand and a knife at his side, because he was torn open, because he was tired of having to run, because he couldn’t outrun it anyway, because he couldn’t.

He let out a deep breath, shakier than he meant to.

“You’re doing great,” you murmured.

He meant to let out an easy chuckle, let you know he didn’t need extra reassurance, but he nearly choked on it. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with him? He actually winced when you threaded the needle through again; he had had much worse, done much worse, but he still grimaced at the sharp pain. Your eyes flicked up to his, then, brow drawn in concentration and concern. He looked away. You let out a sharp breath and kept going.

As much as the cut stung, the brush of your fingers against his skin set off a different kind of burning in him. The steady rhythm—in, out, in, out—drew him out of his jagged memories bit by bit. The roaring in his ears grew distant. Dimly, he realized his breaths were mirroring your effortless pattern. Something in his chest felt less trapped.

You kept your head down. Bucky’s eyes traveled up from his lap to your face, watching as you worked. You were close, very close. He thought you smelled nice, then thought he should try not to think about it. You had your eyes narrowed slightly, absently chewing on your lower lip in your focus. He still didn’t smile, but his eyes weren’t so cloudy anymore, his face a little less closed. He noticed a stray strand of hair slip into your face. His prosthetic fingers twitched with the effort of holding himself back; he itched to tuck it back in place, maybe even let his hand linger there…

His breath hitched with the next stitch.

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologized without looking up. “Almost done.”

A week later, Bucky’s head was no clearer than it had been in the infirmary. He had faced nazis, aliens, assassins, but nothing ever unnerved him in the way you do. His stomach was in knots whenever he saw you. Usually, he could be suave, but he felt like his thoughts got tangled together somewhere between his brain and his mouth.

Still, he had to admit, thoughts of you were much more pleasant than gnawing grief and guilt pooling in his stomach.

“How are you holding up?” A familiar, cheery voice called.

“The stitches already dissolved. I’m healed.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” You gave him a playful punch on his uninjured arm. “How are you holding up?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m good.” His posture is a little too tense, his eyes a little too guarded for that to be true.

You scrutinized his features, stepping a little closer, and he knew you wondered what exactly he was hiding. He barely knew himself. You tilted your head; he felt his stance loosen, resolve gone just like that, but you didn’t press. You gave him a sympathetic look, one that turned his insides to putty. As you left, you let your hand gently brush against his now-healed arm. The touch made his stomach twist pleasantly, and he was a bit glad you weren’t around to see the blush spread across his face.

He scrubbed a hand down his face. He was dangerous, a repurposed weapon, a puppet assassin. You were kind and brave and everything he wasn’t. But he couldn’t deny the way he felt drawn to you, not even to himself.

You found him again in the compound’s dining area. No uniforms, no pressure to train, just the two of you bumping into each other in the lunch line. He saw you ahead of him and almost didn’t say anything, too nervous to open his mouth. Then he tapped you on the shoulder, and a few minutes later you were sat together, joking about the latest mission. You were mimicking an alien’s ludicrous threat and Bucky was nodding along, forcing down the butterflies waging a war on his stomach. Then he was laughing so hard he was in stitches. Both of you were almost doubled over, no doubt annoying the staff, but neither of you cared. The familiar flow of the conversation reminded him of the rhythm of your hands the week before, how grounded you made him feel.

It really wasn’t fair, the way you monopolized his thoughts. The room narrowed until it was just you and him, together, out for lunch. He couldn’t see anything but your eyes, crinkled at the edges from so much smiling, couldn’t hear the cafeteria over your laughter. You were taking up space in his head; in his heart, too, but he had a harder time admitting that. Every moment he spent with you, he felt a little more together, a little more right. A little less jagged. A little more complete.

Still, you were a teammate, not a partner.

Bucky only knew of one thing that could help. It was an old habit, from even before he lost his memories, that quickly became his lifeline. This time, the notebook was rich leather, crisp pages and perfect binding; he thought of the old, rough paper and thin spines from before, when he hid them in his apartment, and even earlier, when he scribbled snatches of thoughts on scrapped newspapers and napkins, hiding them so they wouldn’t be taken away from him. He sighed.

The pen he pulled out was all clean, bright metal and silky ink. It reminded him of you; it was a gift from you, after all. He smiled fondly at the memory of the little box it had come in, unwinding the neat bow to find it nestled inside. You were quite possibly the most thoughtful person he’d ever met. His warmth and guilt were facing off; surely feeling this way about you was wrong. You were his coworker, his friend.

This was precisely why he needed to write: he needed to scratch out his thoughts on paper. Clear them out so he could focus. You were always on his mind; even when you weren’t creating a traffic jam in his mind to rival Brooklyn streets, you strolled up and down the avenue of his consciousness daily, hourly, endlessly, weaving your way through the crowd, impossible to ignore and even harder to turn away from. And yet. Even when he put the pen to the page, nothing came out.

He stared at the blank paper.

Where to start? He couldn’t begin to know.

Your smile? Your gentle hands and sharp eyes? The crease between your eyebrows when you concentrate?

He started to write something, your name, he thought, but halfway through he stopped. Scribbled it out. Lost a few seconds mourning the mess on the paper. He groaned. There was no way this should be so difficult.

He tugged a hand through his hair, yanking a little too hard in his frustration. Then, as if by magic, the fragments that have slipped through his head like so much driftwood formed something solid. The pen spilled out two sentences, vague, disorderly, vulnerable, true.

“I’m beginning to think that maybe it’s not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you’re with them.” His handwriting was shaky; the ink smudged. He didn’t have your steady hands. But he did have you.

Bucky frowned as Sam approached with a wide grin. That usually wasn’t a good sign for him.

“What’s up?” Sam asked. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Not much,” Bucky deadpanned.

“Oh, come on, man! I know you had a date with Y/n the other day.”

Bucky almost choked on air. “What?! Yeah, right,” he said, hoping his nonchalant eye roll would keep the truth buried.

“You two had lunch together. I heard about it from Nat.”

“That wasn’t a date.” Bucky rushed to put the words together. “We were just eating lunch.”

“Sure you were,” Sam teased. “No feelings involved. Just two friends eating lunch.”

“Exactly,” Bucky snapped. “No feelings.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Are you really telling me you don’t have any feelings for Y/n? I’m pretty sure everyone in the compound has seen you make heart eyes at them more times than they can count.”

“They have not!” he hissed back.

Sam shrugged, mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Whatever you say. But I’d make a move if I were you. Y/n’s not the kind of person you want to lose a chance with.” Briefly, he glanced over Bucky’s shoulder. “Look, everyone knows you’re in love with them. Just get it over with already.”

With that, Sam strode past Bucky, who turned to glare at his back, only to find you standing there, shock and amusement flickering across your face.

“So…”

“So?”

He couldn’t look at you. Not now. He stared at the floor, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. The silence was deafening, drowning out his racing mind, overtaking the words he wanted to say. After a few moments, you sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry I walked in like that. I should go.” He wasn’t certain the disappointment in your voice was more than his imagination.

“Wait!” He said as you turned to leave, finally unfastening his eyes from his shoes. This might be his only chance.

You turned to him. The pain etched across your face was all the push he needed.

“I--I wanted to tell you, I really did. I do like you. It wasn’t just a joke.”

“You mean--”

“I love you, Y/n. I get it if you feel differently, but I’m in love with you.”

You made a disbelieving noise, then a smile spread across your face. God, he could never get enough of that smile.

“I love you, too.”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to grin. You leaned over, planted a kiss on his cheek, and threaded your fingers through his. How about that? He gave your hand a squeeze. You flashed him another brilliant smile.

“If you want to have dinner, I know a place that’s way better than the cafeteria.”

“I’m in.”

#cosmicbuckys300challenge #bucky barnes #mcu #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #drabble imagine

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itslucyluna · 3 years

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Fan Fic Tag Game 2020

Thank you @ailec-12 for tagging me!

Ao3 Name: Lucy_Luna

Fandoms: I was active in the HP, Spider-Verse, and ATLA/LoK fandoms this year.

1. Fic that was the hardest to write/you spent the most time on: The fic I’ve spent the most time on is Long Way From Home, the eighth story in my Severus has a little sister AU series. It’s not really been difficult to write per se, just time-consuming. There’s just been so much I’ve had to write to tell the story.

2. Fic you spent the least time on/easiest to write: I think it’s no surprise the stories I’ve spent the least time on this year are the one-shots I’ve written. Like My Ancestors Behind Me, Names, The Sky is Wrecked and Full of Rotting Clouds. However, I would say my easiest to write has been To Make The Bridge. Once @ailec-12 gave me the idea for it, the story just really came together in no time. It’s essentially all written except for an epilogue I’m still deciding on.

3. Longest fic: The longest fic I have worked on this year is They Didn’t Know We Were Seeds. I haven’t really written a lot for it this year though. I would say the longest story I’ve put the most work into this year is Long Way From Home.

4. Shortest fic: My Ancestors Behind Me. It’s 836 words.

5. Fic you were nervous to post: I really don’t get nervous before posting. However, I think the story I felt most uncertain about before posting was The Prince's Return. I wasn’t sure what kind of audience there would be for it. However, now that I’ve posted, there does seem to be a small amount of intrigued readers, so I’m happy!

6. How do you choose your titles: I really don’t have a set way of doing it. Like, I guess I just try to find something that sort of tells what the story is about. For example, with my Spider-Verse stuff, there’s one story called An Unexpected Visitor. Surprise surprise, during the story someone unexpected visits. Lots of the stories written in that fandom have uncreative titles like that.

7. Fave fic you read: I think I’ll pick a one-shot and a multi-chapter. I discovered and really enjoyed pretend you don't have one by TheTartWitch. It’s an AU nonlinear one-shot about Severus Snape from the start of his time at Hogwarts until I wanna say shortly before Harry becomes a student. My favorite multi-chapter is Salvage by MuffinLace. It’s an atla AU where Zuko ends up on Hakoda’s ship and ends up basically being adopted by him. I absolutely loved and am loving seeing Zuko become his kid and a part of the crew.

8. Fave fic you wrote: That’s hard. I don’t think I could say I have an all-time fav. I liked writing everything, but To Make The Bridge was especially enjoyable. It’s been a really relaxing story to put together actually.

9. Fave comment: This one from @ailec-12:

“AHHH, the feelings of this chapter! Finally, Sirius realises that Severus's odd behaviour is a consequence of the abuse he suffers (suffered) at home. I like that we have the same headcanons regarding how Sirius reacted when arguing with his parents. I think it fits him a lot that he felt better for "earning" his punishments without giving up on doing something to fight them.

Snape had never taken anything from him or James or anyone else lying down. Why would he do the same with his parents? What made them so different? Just because they were supposedly authority figures he let them belittle and hurt him for no good reason? That didn't sound right. Sometimes, even with the professors, Severus would row with them over detentions and lost points.

Ohhh, but this quote. I, too, think that the reason why Severus never backed down from a fight at Hogwarts is to regain some control. Whether it was fighting the Marauders even outnumbered or confronting professors, he was convincing himself he was not a coward, he could start some fights and win them. As always, this is my headcanon, since we hardly have any information about day-to-day affairs in the Marauders' Era. It's so fun to try and guess, though! Especially when you see some of your guesses reflected in a fic.

Also, Sirius realising that he's behaved somewhat similarly to his own parents with Severus and, right away, feeling crushed by guilt is everything I needed to read today. His apology is another big step to improve their relationship further. I love reading character development and I wonder how sixteen-year-old Severus would react to it —whether he would still be willing to accept that apology or would firmly believe it's all a trap.

The scene with the chocolate frog card was adorable and just the cherry on top Sirius's apology needed. It also reminded me I'd sorta forgotten about them in my fic, hahaha. I'll have to introduce them as a tribute to your story!

He'd have to find a way to make the friendship he made with this boy-Snape stick and pull him over to the right side of things when they were the same age.

Yesssss. Now, I can't stop picturing the Marauders (plus Lily) introducing Severus to Remus's parents. So freaking adorable.

And that cliffhanger after all the wonderful feelings!!! I can't wait to keep reading!”

Without it, To Make The Bridge would not exist. And as I said before, it’s been a lot of fun writing it. So this is my fav comment this year :)

10. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I won’t, but I guess if there’s any story I’d rewrite ever it’s They Didn’t Know We Were Seeds. It’s a hundred chapters. I think I could definitely go back and combine a lot of chapters and practically halve the length as well as just improve what’s there to be more fleshed out. As for what I could definitely expand on, it’d be my Severus has a little sister AU series. I already have plans for a story after Long Way From Home, but that story has already got me thinking about even more stories for the series.

11. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: Ah so many choices. I’ve been writing a little bit here and there for all of my WIPs lately. Here’s a little something from what will be the second chapter of The Prince's Return:

“I can’t say I know what happens after this for you, but it seems to me whatever negotiations Jinora and Tenzin have with the spirit world on your behalf will end well and everything will be put right again,” he concluded, smiling in reassurance at the nonplussed boy.

Zuko stepped back and out of his grip. “Nothing ever goes that smoothly for me,” he declared like a threat — or, maybe, a warning.

Iroh showed his palms to the boy. “I don’t know what to say to that,” he said. His grandfather had never seemed that unlucky to him. In fact, Iroh had thought he was always very lucky. Against all odds, he’d changed the world for the better.

12. What was your goal for your fics this year? Did you meet it?: I didn’t have any hard goals really. I wanted to finish a few things, which I did. However, I also started a few things, so, I’m not really writing less. Which is actually okay. That was also something I hoped I would do this year. Write more than I didn’t.

13. What is your goal for your fics next year?: Finish Long Way From Home, To Make The Bridge, and The Prince's Return.

14. Highlight of your fandom year: The new season of The Umbrella Academy? That was fun and I liked checking out the new fanfics that came out after it too. Also, The Haunting of Bly Manor was fun to binge around Halloween.

15. Highlight of your personal year: I finished a couple of traditionally published books, as well as a cross-stitch and am halfway done with another.

#tag game #fanfiction #hp fanfiction #atla fanfic #lok fanfic #my fanfic #Family Branches #TDKWWS #Give in to Friendship #fanfic rec #Writer's Stuff

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littlerockerao3 · 3 years

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @salty-wench thank you!

Name: Rachel, littlerocker on AO3

Fandoms: ASOIAF/Game of Thrones

Where you post: AO3

Most popular one-shot: Give You What You Like, a (angsty?) modern AU Jonsatin were Satin is a prostitute and Jon’s been spending many nights with him to ease his sorrow after he lost his girlfriend. But he’s Jon, so he fucks up at some point. It’s my first and only (for now) Jonsatin one shot, I just found out it’s actually my most popular but I’m really happy about it!

Most popular multi-chapter: Losing My Religion, modern AU throbb (+ Jon/OMC) where Robb’s the legal guardian of Jon, Bran and Rickon and Theon’s an illustrator who hates kids but has to be a “teacher” (very kind of) for some time at Jon’s high school.

Favourite story I’ve written so far: I’m pretty much aware Losing My Religion is totally OOC in every kind of way. That’s what happens when you begin a fic when you’re only halfway through a show that didn’t get not even one character right and you had barely started the very first book. But I have a soft spot in my heart for it, it’s the longest thing I’ve ever written. It has its (many) flaws but I’m proud of it. Special mention to Don’t Go Chasing Dolphin Pools because writing about Robb being a total dork is amazing.

Fic you were nervous to post: Head Above Water. It’s probably my most angsty fic and I don’t consider myself good at writing angst. And in this (it’s a throbb, jonmund and gendrya modern AU) Theon is a victim of domestic violence, so I was always really nervous to write it/post it. It’s been on hiatus for a while now, but every time I think about it I just want to go back writing it. Someday I’ll get there.

How do you choose your titles: it’s always song lyrics. I usually can’t manage to begin writing my plot bunny if I haven’t found a fitting song lyrics title for it first.

Do you outline: meh. Sometimes I write down a list of chapters and summarize what I want to make happen in them but I always end up writing what I feel like writing when I’m writing. Yet I’m trying really hard to keep up with the mental scheme I’ve created for Losing My Religion otherwise it’ll never be over: as I always like to mention, I was planning a Xmas chapter to happen around chapter 30 and it turned out to be released only on chapter 50 or something like that. Idk.

Complete: lol. Oh hey wait, I’m almost done with Don’t Go Chasing Dolphin Pools, only one chapter left. Wow. Never thought I’d get there.

In progress: LMR & DGCDP hopefully I’ll go back to writing Need For Respite (Throbb and Jonsatin spy!au) and Head Above water once I’m done with at least dgcdp.

Coming soon/not yet started: I have no idea if it’s going to come out soon. I’m quite nervous about it. I’ve barely started writing it. I’ve posted about this plot bunny about Theon being a photographer (taking erotic pictures only because he’s Theon so duh) and asking Robb to pose for him. It turned out (in my head) in a 4 chapters fic with ch.1 Theon/Satin, ch.2 Jon/Satin, ch.3 Theon/Robb, ch.4 Theon/Satin/Jon/Robb. Jon and Robb would not interact with each other but they’d still be in the same bed while things are happening. I don’t know if that still counts as incest, that’s why I’m nervous. That and the fact that I can’t write porn.

Prompts: I would like to see more of Throbb and Jonsatin in the same fic. Maybe about them going on double dates. About you asking me prompts, instead, I’m super glad to hear about your parents throbb suggestions. I have a a series about throbb as parents. I usually post here when I’m free and could take prompts but if you want to send me some requests anyway feel free to do it, I’ll add it to a prompt list. I just don’t know when they’ll come out.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: that’s a good question. I don’t know. Although I’d really like to write about Dagmer as Theon’s foster dad. I was planning on making it a summer au where he meets Robb at some point. Or Theon and Jeyne being foster siblings. Like, Theon is in his mid 20s and has taken full custody of Jeyne (who’s in her teens) and then boom, Jeyne/Sansa and throbb. Or maybe Theon and Satin being foster siblings since I’ve been writing about them in Need For Respite ad it’d be an interesting dynamic. Idk. I should start writing before getting excited.

I’ll tag the same two people I always tag: @estrangedandwayward and @lesbiangrimalkin if you guys want to do this.

#fic writer interview #that was fun!#me and all my unfinished stuff #and LOOK! I’ve learnt how to add links?#fucking finally #my fic #my fics

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: reya

Writing Blog URL(s): @chu-ni

Age: 19

Nationality: african-british

Languages: english, swahili, korean

Star Sign: libra

MBTI: enfp/entp (it always changes lol)

Favorite color: purple!

Favorite food: i really love chicken burgers

Favorite movie: princess and the frog

Favorite ice cream flavor: vanilla!!

Favorite animal: elephants

Go-to karaoke song: fancy - twice

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? caramel frappe with whipped cream, in general i prefer tea though

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? secretary general at the UN….or an author

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? making anyone agree with me and do what i want them to do

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient egypt!!

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?.....no.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? neither if i could lmfao but i’d go for 100 chicken sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? the nerd who’s actually really pretty after she gets a cool makeover

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? im not sure about aliens, but i definitely believe in ghosts and spirits.

What are some small things that make your day better? when i can have moments to myself to enjoy my own company. or when someone asks me what i want to eat and they bring it for me 🥺

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? uhm…...probably the fact that i write fanfiction lol..but outside of that! i sing in the shower. and i talk to myself a lot.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct dream currently, but in the future i want to expand to other groups!

When did you post your first piece? 17th of June 2018.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i can never write just one genre. predominantly i write fluff with a dash of angst for spice simply because i love a story that has an issue and then having that issue be resolved for a happy ending. when i started my blog i was 17, and so i said i wouldn't write smut. now that i'm older im feeling more and more comfortable writing suggestive content at the very LEAST.. so maybe in the future i might write smut, who knows? i like writing fluff because i like making people feel good, but i like adding angst to it because i feel like the contrast between the two is very *chefs kiss* to me.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i only write x readers!

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? i first got tumblr when i was 13 years old and i was a fresh kpop fan lmfao. i wanted somewhere that shared my interests. of course i discovered x reader fics on here and i was in awe, i guess of how much power writers had in contributing to fandom content and keeping readers satiated. i’d always loved to write and so i’d always wanted to start my own writing blog, and for 2 years i did write for other blogs! it wasnt until 2018 that i finally took the leap and decided to start my own, because i wanted to impact people's emotions and take them on a journey through my writing.

What inspires you to write? what inspires me….teen movies, music!! music is a big one for me, and also the books that i read. i also grew up playing otome games so the plots and writing from those influence my writing a lot.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i really enjoy writing royalty!aus as well as exes!aus. i love to do them cause they require me to build a world and with royalty aus specifically i love weaving together bits of political intrigue, or arranged marriages, etc. its so much fun!!

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? that if this world is too rough or too much, you can always escape from it. it might not be physical, but immersing yourself in a universe that's entirely different for a little while can help soothe you.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? usually i try and take breaks. the problem with that is that my breaks can go on for longer than i’d like and im trying to fix that. so my other solution is to read read read!! read as much as i can, or go back to books that i loved. ask myself what i liked about the writing, what are some parts that i thought were amazing examples of good writing - i note them down then see if i can apply that to my own work. another thing i do is take a break from writing my longer, fleshed out works and write blurbs! blurbs are a great way for me to write but not feel like its tedious because i don't have to spend as much time on them and it gets me into the groove of writing without feeling stressed out.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favourite piece of work is miscommunication. it took me months to write that, even after i lost all the work halfway through, and its the longest piece of work i have written so far, so its kinda like my baby. my most successful is candy jar. its also the work i owe my blog exposure to - it was the first piece i published, and it was also the first piece of writing i did in around 4 years.

Who is your favorite person to write about? i don't have much out for them, but i really enjoy exploring mark’s and jeno’s characters. they're people, but in my work i enjoy analysing them and judging how they’d act in different contexts.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? the only difference for me is that fanfiction (depending on the fandom) has some of the stuff fleshed out for you already, such as the world its in. if youre the type to write AUs then the only thing you already have is the characters - the planning, the writing, the drafting, and everything else is still the writer's responsibility. therefore there isn't much of a difference between the two for me.

What do you think makes a good story? a good story, to me, is one that takes me on a journey. it could be any genre, but i like to feel immersed and connected to the characters and the world in it. also aside from the obvious, like good grammar, a good story feels natural to read. i don't feel like skim reading half of it.

What is your writing process like? my writing process consists of me getting inspiration - usually from a song, or a film or a book ive read or a game ive played - i note down my idea and who i want the story to be about, and then bullet point the whole story, with some snippets of particular dialogue i want the reader or the other person to say at certain scenes. i then open another document ( i have a writing app on my phone, called werdsmith, so i use that!) and set a word count goal i want to hit so i can track my progress and start writing the fic, with fleshed out language and exposition. when im done (usually after a couple weeks up to a few months, depends on the length of the plan) i read through it to fix any mistakes, then i transfer it to docs so i can read it again and italicise any areas i feel need it.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i...don't think so. mainly because the original fiction i read and would like to write for myself is predominantly fantasy, whereas the fanfic i write on my blog is usually non-idol, normal fics.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? im a SUCKER for enemies to lovers, royalty ofc, “and they were roommates”, and i think superhero aus are really cool but there isnt enough of them :( idol/you as member aus....not feeling her… also abo/werewolf/vampire aus….not feelin em

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? a LOT. a HUGE amount!! i said before how i like giving my readers somewhere where they can immerse themselves as an escape, even for a short while. hearing about how my work affected them, made them feel, makes me feel less insecure about what im writing and thus more confident to publish it.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i’d say reblogs. and also putting out more content. when i first uploaded candy jar i went to my one of my favourite writers (jaeminlore) and asked her if she'd be okay with reading it and giving feedback. to my surprise she loved it and her reblogging it to all her followers is literally what gave me a bunch of followers all of a sudden who loved what i’d written. to keep that momentum i created more and more content, and while i haven't uploaded as often as i've wanted to or written as much as i’d wanted to, i can say i have a good amount of work on my masterlist for people who are looking for more to read.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 100%. fanfic has an unfair reputation for just having bad writing and cringey fics (and i feel like this is because of the way society views the demographics who predominantly consume and create it), when in reality i feel like those who write fanfiction are extremely talented and selfless people. they're on the internet creating content for free for people to enjoy and like any other work of art they're putting time and effort into it. i think it should be respected. any form of art is going to have its good and bad sides.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? hmmm….yes. i feel it can be a way to reflect the thoughts of people and also be a way to inspire people to do more.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself to write because i feel like if i don't then people will forget about me or they’ll forget about my blog. while what i choose to write about is for me, i feel like the speed of my writing and what im writing isn't to the quality i want it to be cause i feel like i gotta get it out for people to read.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? i've never felt that way!

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? only 2 of my friends know, and i only told them like. a week ago!

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? i wish you guys would message me more! i'm quite a sociable person, and i’d love to have regular anons who talk to me 👉🏽👈🏽

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think one common thing amongst all writers is that we write what we want to read. so don't feel like nobody's gonna read your work, cause somebody will. you gotta act like your work is top tier even if someone says it isn't - always write the best you can, and just do it! like don't even give yourself time to overthink it, write that fic, make it look pretty, upload it onto tumblr and do not be afraid to ask your favourite fic writers to read your work once its up!! i’d be happy to read and give feedback for any fic writers as well so don't feel afraid!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? ive been on here for 7 years….i grew up on this site lmfao. but i don't think i regret joining tumblr once.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? shes not very active anymore and i miss her very much but user hyuck-s was so supportive and i love her!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

she believed she could, so she did.

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

#@chu-ni #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 32 #nct dream

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Scoooooooore! LOL gotta love that wayback machine. Anyone remember me talking once about this series I did back in the Dark Angel fandom, one-shots of varying length focused around Max’s family who we never really saw much of in the show? So ever since then I’ve been trying to find them anywhere, since it was before Ao3, I didn’t use ff.net for that fandom, and all the fic sites and archives that were DA specific are pretty much dead and gone-zo nowadays.....but I kept coming up empty, mostly because my dumb ass wasn’t remembering my own titles correctly. So then I started searching by plugging in actual lines I could remember from the fics themselves, and that worked, and quick question self, but explain to me how it is you can remember LINES you wrote in individual fics almost a decade and a half ago, more clearly than you can remember the freaking titles of those fics themselves?

Ah, me.

Course, I still only found half of them, but that half includes most of the ones I really like best, and of the ones still lost the only one I’m really bummed about and still trying hard to find is “Little Lightning Girl,” aka Jondy’s story.

Its always a trip reading really old stuff of yours though. I’m surprised, like, there’s stuff I’ve written from around this same time, both fanfic and original, where I’m just like YIKES, no, hard pass, we’re just gonna pretend this wasn’t a thing....but most of these hold up surprisingly well? I’m pleasantly pleased? Chuffed, almost?

Zane’s “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember: its bad for business)” is a definite keeper, heh, I amuse myself tremendously sometimes.

Zack’s “Rules for When the Sky is Falling (plus side: this time its not your fault)” is a little weak in spots, like there’s stuff that in hindsight I could see easily strengthening the arc in that one but I’m wondering how much of that has to do with changing/evolving views on character types in general....just because Zack was never a fave of mine back when I was watching then, but falls into a character type I have a lot more appreciation and empathy for now, and that definitely would have led me to write his story differently now than I did then.

Ben’s “They Keep Calling Me Crazy (I say: its the world that’s gone mad)” is kinda the complete reverse.....Ben falls into a character type I have soooooo much less patience for nowadays than I did back then, mostly because of well. The over-glorification of such characters and me being like okay but what about yawn though. Reading his took me back more fully to that mindset than I’ve managed in years though, so it didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would lmfao.

Tinga’s “A Storybook Kind of Princess (a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” is as weird to me now as it was back then. Easily one of the most experimental “I have no idea what I’m actually aiming for here, just go with it” fics I’ve ever written, and apparently fifteen years later, I STILL can’t decide if I think it worked and I actually like how it came out or not. Hahaha, what is decisiveness though, other than a myth and hashtag Fake News.

Kavi’s “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally)” is still one of the weakest of the series, that hasn’t changed.....I didn’t have a really clear idea what I wanted to do with him or where I wanted to take that and that unfortunately kinda shows and the re-reading didn’t really spark anything in terms of what I would definitely have done differently if writing it now.

Vada’s “Chase Me To The Desert, Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe: I was born to survive)” is the complete opposite, because its another one of those very experimental pieces where I was totally winging it because we knew next to nothing about Vada in the series and I totally just pulled everything about her character and an entire storyline for her completely out of my ass and said sure, why not go with this, but surprisingly it worked I think, and it feels disconnected enough from the rest but standing alone well enough on its own that I can probably do something original with it, as I actually really like the voice I came up with for her.

Eva’s “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you: just say thank you and never look back)” I’m actually damn proud of, because its always fun when you successfully sucker punch yourself, let alone with a plot twist you don’t see coming on the reread even though you came up with it in the first place, lmfaaaaaao, and you’re like well hot damn, I do NOT remember doing that but guess I did, wow, go me.

But the big winner for me was Syl’s “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home To Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).” That was always a fave, and I’m super stoked it held up as well as it did, cuz I’d hoped it would but wasn’t sure if I was just remembering it through nostalgia-colored glasses and it hadn’t actually been all that great.

(One of the three longest ones in that series, it was a one-shot a whopping 30K in length, in which Syl wants to hijack the local mob’s operations in order to gain access to a Manticore facility in the same city so she can blow it to kingdom come, because Syl’s a little bit crazy in that ‘I know I’ve got issues and I’m totes fine with them, especially as long as I’ve got my trusty grenade launcher’ kinda way....and so to accomplish her goals, she seduces the son of the local mob boss in order to get close to his father and the inner workings of the mob. Only she eventually realizes this kid is a fucking innocent in every sense of the word, wants nothing to do with his family or their business, hates his dad, who’s abusive as hell, and once Syl concludes what she came there to do and has everything she needs, she’s halfway out the door - well, window, technically - before she stops and groans and bangs her head softly against the wall cuz she’s like, uggggh fuck, he’s totally gonna get blamed for this and his dad’s probably gonna kill him and my Jiminy Cricket’s gonna be a fucking BITCH about it forever, so, well, looks like I don’t have a choice, guess I gotta murder his dad and overthrow the mob so he can skedaddle and live a quiet life on a farm in Bumfuck, Whereverville, god, I so did not need this tonight, thanks a lot conscience, like DID I FUCKING ASK, UMM NOO?)

So like, I think that one’s got definite potential to do something else with, possibly turn into an original project, lol.

Anyway, randomness is random, but yay Wayback machine! Still kinda bummed that I could only seem to find half of them, you’d think that’d be enough to make it easy to find the other seven but nope, apparently not. Its really only Jondy’s fic that I still really want to track down though, the other six I could live without. Okay, I kinda want to reread Brin’s and see how that one holds up too. Okay and Jace’s so never mind, scratch that, still wanna find all the other seven, lmao. (I did NOT make it easy to keep track of anywhere I was or anything I was doing fifteen years ago. The mutuals on here who knew me all the way back then can attest to that, lol. Ah me, part two).

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violetfahrenheit · 4 years

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for the fanfiction questions: 2, 5, 16, 21, 34, 42 (i didn't check the question, so sorry if it seems odd, i'm just interested in ur answers!)

no worries, just thank you so much for these many questions!! I loved answering all of these :)

2. What is your latest fandom?

Weeeell, I'd say my latest fandom is Peaky Blinders as it's the newest thing I've really gotten into and have been consuming non-stop for several months now. But rn I'm also having a lil relapse into the BBC Sherlock fandom lately (I first discovered Sherlock in 2016 but hadn't really gotten into the fandom part of it). And now I'm just reading more fics of both fandoms at the same time than should be healthy. but at least I'm happy, right?

5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for?

In chronological order, I've written for Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus, Fantastic Beasts, Harry Potter, Les Misérables, and Peaky Blinders. PB was my first time writing in English and on ao3, and now I really want to give it a try in my other fandoms as well!

16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

I mean, very popular ships...? I think not? I only really just don't get Tommy/Grace (but most of the fandom don't like them sooo). I actually tried reading some fix it fics to see if I'd maybe like her a bit more without the SK ruining female characters thing, so I read fanfics in which Grace was actually a kinda well crafted interesting character and was with Tommy, but not even that worked lol. So, yeah, in fics I love "Ghost Grace", or the allusions to past Tommy/Grace once she is gone as that adds to the angst, but I don't like alive-Grace/Tommy.

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

It was a Percy Jackson fanfic, a Pirates AU! I started writing and posting it when I was 12, just a few years ago, and it's still out there on Wattpad, unfinished, waiting for me to go back to it (which I actually want to do as there were some cool ideas there!). Also tbh most of my posted fics are AUs which is just so strange for me as I usually don't like AUs??? And most of my fic ideas are pretty canon based, usually, so the fact that what I always end up feeling confident enough to post are actually AUs is just really bizarre for me.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

I just checked and it's this Percy Jackson Pirates AU, actually, which is really a shocker for me lol. it's around 45K words! and it's not even halfway done. I've been writing a bit of it on and off for five years though, so I guess it makes sense.

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Alright soo time to get all fangirl-y about my favorite fics!! I'll be linking only Peaky Blinders writers, as that's what this blog in mostly focused on (this turned out as quite the rec list lol, sorry!):

@veneredirimmel on AO3 , has written some of my favorite fics and some of the first ones I've read from this fandom! You should really check out their stuff. I'd really recommend Spit Blood, with Blue Steely Grey (one of my favorite peaky fics!), Real Live Wire , and Never Moved Away from Here as some personal favorites.

@weeo on AO3 , oh, dear weeo! Apart from being a lovely person, her fics were too some of the firsts I read, like The last time I saw the sun which popped up in one of my first searches for War and Freddie including fics. I was delighted with the writing, and moved on to specially love At least, the leaves were golden , It's been a long time , and the I dried my silent tears with alcohol series!

@josiepugblog on AO3 ! I first knew her from her sad lovely Tommy/Greta fic Sad Later, which was, back then when I joined the fandom, almost the only Tommy/Greta fic out there. Then I read Miles To Go and just COMPLETELY fell in love!! Such a striking take into Tommy's mind in that chaotic moment in s3! And then there's Lizzie-centric If This Were a Love Story... , tunnel collapse Soft You Tread Above Me , and the list goes on!!

@deadendtracks on AO3 ! Definitely part of what got me into Tommy/Alfie with her Idiot Prayer series, which is just so angsty, plausible, and in character. I first knew her from her the possibility was a blade kinda missing scenes series though, from which the brilliant writing and the character-study-vibes just completely captured me!

@mintjamsblog on AO3 , also known as the one with the best Tommy/Alfie series I've read!! Each work in the Live a lie series is such an emotional angsty hot journey! I adore reading series and it's even better with this level of writing and character development while still being so faithful to the canon characters.

And that's it! thanks a lot for the questions @knivesplushearts , and sorry for these very lengthy answers 😂

#asks #fanfiction asks #fandom asks #also kinda #peaky blinders #fic recs

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ed-edward-blackbeard · 4 years

Text

Fanfic Author Meme. Keep Reading after question 2 for 3-50.

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

Jesus Lord, no. I’d die of secondhand embarrassment before I got halfway through it. It was never published online, thank Christ. It was called … ugh, I don’t remember what I called it, but it was a line from Edmund Spenser. (Don’t judge.) It was an OC female character and Autolycus, from Hercules and Xena, played by Bruce Campbell. It was… a SHAMBLES. Self-insert, wish-fulfillment of the worst kind. But, my friend Alicia read it at the time and she told me how great she thought it was, and I should keep at it. So, thank you, Edmund-Spenser-titled-fic.

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

It’s called “i commit sins every day but i never give my soul away”, and it’s on my AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/22951009. And I actually don’t have a unit of measurement for how much I’ve improved. But it’s also been… God, I’m 43 today, so it’s been 27 years I’ve been writing. Almost thirty years. Shit, I’m old.

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

Oh, man. Tricky question. If by best you mean technically written, most enjoyable? I’d say maybe wasting the dawn. Definitely By Inches We Fall. But to be totally honest with you? I think my best fic, the one that got me, personally by the throat, shook me, and hasn’t let me go? Shoah. It’s one of my earlier fics, from the Sentinel fandom, but man. Writing this was rough. I did my research on concentration camps, and I couldn’t sleep right for weeks. Lisa and Patt were holding my hands over AIM practically every night when I was sobbing that I couldn’t finish it, that I couldn’t do it, that it was too much. (I’d have been about fucking seventeen, maybe nineteen, when I was writing it.) I bit off way more than I was prepared for, but I didn’t quit. And I’m proud, quite frankly, that I even finished the damn thing, but even this far removed from it, I still feel that gut-punch when I go back re-read it, which is why I don’t. And haven’t for a couple of years.

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

It’d probably be Consortio.

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

I actually feel that way about 99% of my stuff. Even some of the older stuff, I re-read it and I get really happy because not only do I see myself changing and maturing, I realize I was harder on myself than I should have been. I didn’t suck like I thought, and I get the warm fuzzies.

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

Er, not really? I mean, there’s some cringey shit I wrote when I was like, twelve, but not even I know where those notebooks got off to.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

By Inches We Fall. It’s my only Game of Thrones fic, and I feel like I really want to continue the story of Jamie and Brienne and their kids, and of Jaime being Hand to King Jon and Queen Sansa.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

How Firm A Foundation. It’s a Deadwood fic, and I (many years ago, when Deadwood was actually on the air) actually sketched out how every chapter would go. There’s a few things I’d change today, if I started it again, just because I can plot better than I could ten years ago, but I think the thread of the story is gone forever.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Yami No Matsuei. A friend of mine was actually heavily into YnM, and I wrote several stories for her. Later I’ve watched some of it, and I realize I did okay on my characterizations, but there’s always things I could have done better.

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

Pretty much every fandom I have ever been in. I don’t read a lot of fanfic, because I’m afraid (almost paranoid, in fact) that I’ll internalize something I’ve read and later spout it out in my fic, and I don’t ever want to copy anyone, deliberately or otherwise.

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I have, and I didn’t publish it for the reason above; I didn’t feel like my take on it was original enough to bother.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Lots of reasons, actually. Sometimes I write with the intention of not publishing, it’s something just for me. I’ve also written a few fics that I ended up absolutely hating, and they’ve never seen the light of day. I’ve also done some that I felt wasn’t original enough, or they were written about the trope du jour, and I had nothing else to offer that ten other people hadn’t already done.

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

Sentence style and structure. I used to do the whole, “He said.” “In reply, she said.” “The sky was blue when he rode in.” And then a few of my better friends (and betas) took me in hand and showed me how to mix it up, chop my comma addiction in half (seriously, I once had a single sentence run on for twelve lines.) and I feel like I get a better grip on characterization.

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

Sex. I used to write it in everything. And then the more I wrote, and the older I got, the less I wanted to write it (or read it, or talk about it.) So I’m a lot more comfortable writing non-sex stories than I used to be.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Of course. I think everyone has, at one point or another.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Anything I’ve ever abandoned was lack of my own attention, not anything else. I’m kinda used to not getting a lot of attention.

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

What He Wants. It’s pretentious wankfic, for a pairing I don’t actually like all that much (Lucius/Harry), and I just feel like everyone loves it way more than it deserves.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

I’m gonna pick on Shoah again, because I feel like it just doesn’t get enough love. I’m biased, because of how emotionally attached I am to the fic, but I feel like it’s ignored.

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

Wasting The Dawn. It’s a Magicians fic, and it showcases every character from the show, and I think I did a passable job of hitting every voice. So I’d be proud to show that one around.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Would I rewrite it? Sure. Would I take down the original? Um, that’s a little more difficult. On the one hand, I’m not really ashamed, as such, of anything that I did. But having two copies of things would get really complicated and onerous. I might actually start a second pseud, like maybe kelex-originals or something like that, and move the originals over to that, and leave the rewrites on my main, with a link to the original in the notes. Yeah, that’s probably what I’d do.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

HELL YES. Mostly because I’m always looking for shinies to read in fandoms I don’t write for. I also kind of like to read their stuff and get a feel for who they are and why they like what I’ve got. But mostly, I just love it and it makes me giggle watching someone go through my fics and like EEEE THERE YOU ARE AGAIN.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

Fucking scads of people, actually.

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

Oh man, I’ve got a fuckton of good ones. But the one that I always get a kick out of is on one of my Gotham fics, and the comment was along the lines of, the tag mentioned bed-sharing and they thought that was all it was going to be, but it was so much more and they got caught up in it and it was wonderful. And that’s my favorite (if not the nicest) because I love the fact that I was able to give someone something they enjoyed, even more because it was unexpected!

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

It was a review back in the days of OneList, and I was told that my pencils should be broken and my keyboard taken away because I was a terrible writer. And yes, I know they meant it.

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

It’s less a concrit and more a crit. But it’s always, “why did you do X? It was out of character!” and that makes me grit my teeth. Mostly because I feel like I’ve always explained, thoroughly, why I’ve done something (whether in dialog, in the writing itself, or heavily implied in monologues), and that question always makes me want to throttle someone because either they didn’t get it, or I didn’t.

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

Humor. I’m a sarcastic bitch, and when it’s appropriate (and sometimes when it isn’t), I have funny characters or have characters deadpan things. And it delights the fuck out of me when someone highlights that as one of their favorite parts.

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

Single fandom fics. I’m not a fan of crossovers, though I’ve written them from time to time, and probably will again if I think it’s appropriate. I just prefer not to cross the streams, as it were.

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Good Omens. Hands down. So. Many. AUs. So many ideas. So many delightful characters.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

It does not. I read far, far less than I actually write.

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

I usually focus on the new one, however, I’ve occasionally re-visited a fandom after I’ve left it, because inspiration hits me, or I’ve gotten back into it.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

Margo Hanson, from the Magicians.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

There’s a few. Eliot Waugh, Lex Luthor, Jack O’Neill, the Doctor (9 & 10 mostly)

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

Not really? Characters and scenes are as long as they need to be. I do think the quality holds up, though, because honestly, by the time they’re done, I’m done.

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

Not really, or if there was, I don’t remember it.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

Yup. It snuck in there, especially in the background early on, and by the end I was like, what the fuck, I don’t even ship you, YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE.

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Nope. If I don’t like a ship, I don’t write it.

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

No. Not as a writer. But like, I have written a character saying “I don’t think X belongs with Y, they belong with me!” because that’s pretty much how the actual relationship went down. (Spike, Buffy, Riley most specifically.)

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

Very, very, very many years ago. I wrote it just to see if I could. I could, I did, and I haven’t written it again.

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

No.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

I feel like I put out what I need to. Is it enough? idk.

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

AO3 is, hands down, my favorite. For awhile, I was posting to WWOMB (Wonderful World of Make-Believe) but I’ve stopped there, sadly.

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

Consortio is my most popular fic, and it’s gotten 21,658 hits. Although the fic is multi-chapter, so I don’t know how to break that down into individual hits. In fact, four of my five most popular are multi-chapters. The only single-chapter fic is What He Wants, clocking in at 6,743.

43. Your least popular?

The Rose and the Yew Tree, with 0 hits.

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

Unfortunately, no.

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

Pornography.

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

Diverse as in fandoms? Yes. Diverse as in style? Not so much.

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

I’ve done that before, and I’ve tailored it to the person and what I know they like. For example, my old boss got me hooked on La Femme Nikita (the Peta Wilson one), and so when she wanted to read my writing, I gave her my LFN fics to read.

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yes, and some of them.

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

Yes.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

It has had a very significant impact, and no, it hasn’t been at all positive. Some of my best moments, as well as my worst, are because of fanfic and fandom, but fanfic in particular. Fic’s brought me close to people, fic’s pushed me away from people, and it’s made people change the way they look at me.

#everything you ever wanted to know about me #but were afraid to ask #fanfic writers meme #askbox meme

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 5 years

Note

I CANNOT DECIDE which fic i want headcanons and/or trivia about, so would you please pick one or two of your ODaaT fics that you want to talk about, and do those? :D Thanks!

you know, i can’t blame you for having trouble! i have 47 fics just for odaat and i know you’ve read some of my others too. i had a hard time choosing, myself. also thank you for sending this!! i was hoping to get some for this game.

ETA: i forgot the game was ‘five facts/headcanons’ and also i couldn’t sleep, so instead you got way more commentary than that...

We Hide Within Our Veins The Things That Keep Us Bound To One Another

i have to talk about this one, because this is the fic that started it all. if i hadn’t decided to be brave and do what seemed crazy and write this story, i would never have written all the others, and i wouldn’t have made graphics and fought for renewal and become such an involved part of the fandom and met friends like you. :)

so the story behind this fic started with how quickly i fell into the ship. basically in the time it took me to rewatch s1 the night before s2 came out: i realized i shipped it during the quinces, realized that s2 made me feel validated in shipping it, realized that i had a lot of feelings about how both penelope and schneider were damaged but in different ways, and dipped my toe in the water by posting here about how i was thinking of writing fic for them.

in addition to fandom enabler (and the official ship name inventor) @outfieldlove encouraging me to write it, a couple of total strangers found my post in the tags and cheered me on. (they both later became friends of mine which is awesome.) i was sure i was crazy, even trying to write fanfic for odaat, because it was a sitcom and i’d barely seen it and wasn’t it better to stick with the otps i had gotten really great at writing because i wrote them all the time? but i went for it.

and what’s most important about this story is that i posted the fic on january 27, 2018.

season 2 of odaat came out on january 26, 2018.

which means (and i didn’t actually remember this until i started on this ask) that i rewatched s1 of the show right up until midnight when s2 dropped, then i watched all of s2, possibly without sleeping until i finished it, and before the following day was over, i wrote, edited AND posted this fic, based off characters i had never even imagined ficcing before s2 came out.

fun fact: i frequently get some specifics of this fic and my forehead kisses fic mixed up in my head because that was my other big fic for them that i wrote when i was just starting out…so i was planning to tell the dwayne story in this post but hey, wrong fic, lol.

the whole reason why this fic unfolds the way it does is because i was obsessed with 2.09 and everything we learn about penelope, schneider, and their relationship in that episode. i was especially fixated on pen’s line that i quote at the beginning, because if odaat were a different kind of show, penelope going to him in the middle of the night and trading serious moments the way they do would make ‘there’s got to be another way to feel happy’ a lead into romance, or sex.

obviously it wouldn’t make sense for that to happen in the canon we have, but i couldn’t get it out of my head, and it got me thinking about the differences between how penelope sees schneider and who he proves himself to be, and the way that that episode shows us that on some level, schneider understands her better than anybody, whether she’s comfortable with that fact or not.

a headcanon for this one: penelope is so not ready to deal with the gravity of their friendship turning into more when it starts this way, so she tries to focus on the fun makeout sessions and put off the serious conversation…but lydia walks into schneider’s living room unannounced halfway through makeout number two.

Like Sun On The Rise

this is the longest one-shot i’ve ever written at just over 10k, and i’m really proud of that but also it means it was much more of an experience to write! i learned things for this fic and i put more of myself into it than i usually do. the plot bunny for it seemed simple at first–a sleepover that started out platonic. fluff! fun! but i was incapable of writing it quickly and making it brief, because….sleepover.

i was a kid who looooooved sleepovers, and had such a wild childhood that my friends stayed over unsupervised a lot. even now, i’m the kind of adult who would still totally have sleepovers with my other adult friends, if that was a thing people did. i love talking for hours and junk food and not sleeping, i was made for sleepovers.

so basically, this fic exists because i wanted to cheer up a friend with fic, and because once i started writing a sleepover, it had to be a sleepover FULL OF THINGS. which is why i watched videos to learn hula hooping technique (i’ve never done it, but i needed penelope to seem like she had) and researched horror movies that had come out around that time.

the one i chose for them to watch was hereditary with toni collette, and i read such a detailed synopsis (in order to hint at their viewing without being too obvious about it) that i will never ever watch hereditary now. nope nope.

i don’t think my original plan was for them to end up together at the end of the night, honestly. i think my first idea was just fluffy fun with some flirting, but as the fun and games intensified along with the feelings, them sliding into more made sense to me.

i’m sure i got the idea of lime-sugar popcorn from research, presumably looking up cuban-american food trends? or something like that. i don’t remember specifically anymore, but i know i found it somewhere because i myself only like butter and salt on my popcorn (or very rarely caramel corn as a treat).

little bits of me in this story:

the ben and jerrys flavor schneider went to target just to get penelope was brewed to matter, which is a coffee ice cream with fudge and brownie swirl mixed in. whenever we make a rare target run and they don’t have any in stock it makes me very sad. it’s really good.

i have never tried to make microwave popcorn blindfolded, but like schneider, i wear glasses, and i have since i was ten so i’m used to dealing with the very fuzzy world that lives more than two inches away from my face. it was fun for me to mentally walk through how i COULD make popcorn with my eyes closed.

i definitely tried to summon bloody mary at a slumber party or two in my youth.

send me one of my fic titles and i’ll share secrets or trivia about it

#fanfic #alvareider #odaat #bethanyactually #replies

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advernia · 4 years

Text

push me off a bridge (to catch me as i fall)

a separate post for my ramblings for this fic!! it’s actually the longest thing i’ve written in a while, so i have a lot to ramble about haha;;

prelude

oh man... this started when two of my friends decided to go through edgar’s route at the same time AND also decided to go reacting to every single part of the route through burst texting AT THE SAME TIME, effectively flooding my inbox.... they were fully aware that i was at a seminar and unable to reply... now my inbox is filled with so much edgar screaming i cannot... (゜▽゜;)

screaming aside they were also very willing to read whatever drafts of edgar/mc i had available and this was their favorite!! thanks to them, i decided to finish this omfg... i’m actually so proud that i got this done but tbh it was getting so long that i had half a mind to let go of it already halfway through scene three haha... (;*△*;)

this has uh... some fighting scenes and tbh the first draft had absolutely none of it... this is my first time actually writing long(?) scenes and while i found thinking about them to be fun, putting them into words was some struggle??? like... i've been told that it looks okay but idk it feels clunky to me. oh well ＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

general stuff + war phase, baby!

initially this was only meant to be 3 parts + primarily focused on edgar/mc + with an unnamed mc as usual! but then since it’s an au of kyle’s route, i found myself wanting to flesh out the relationship of edgar & mc when set in a different angle + circumstances rather than just automatically implying attraction...

plus their relationship canonically starts off on the wrong foot in that route & edgar’s fully aware that mc isn’t exactly comfortable around him, so it really doesn’t sit well if i just... put them together, lol. so thus we have five scenes of them getting(?) closer!(???)

in short its a hella slow burn and not gonna lie, when i was writing their scenes i was like f i n a l l y... bless... ಠ ּ͜೦

one of the reasons i like kyle’s route is bc i actually got some feel of an actual war??? idk i think there’s so much plot that u can fill in with it, so i decided going for alternating scenes of the battlefield + med tent. while there's glimpses of the action going on, there’s also the sort of complimenting(???) or offsetting more emotional perspective of what goes on with the medics.

tbh i stared long and hard at the cradle map when formulating some tactics and i gotta say i had a hard time calming myself down bc...

in kyle’s route, the red army has the advantage and have pushed the black army as far back as to their bridge, which means that more or less they’ve occupied central quarter... but what dawned on me was... where the hell did the red army position their encampment from there???

was an encampment even necessary given that they’re like, in a really convenient area????? they probably could’ve settled themselves in some houses but tbh okay maybe it isn’t so noble of the reds to do (imposing themselves n’ stuff) + they have larger numbers so accommodating all of them is a problem but still... where’d they set up camp??? u see, when kyle + mc step out of the med tent it shows the forest bg, so... where??? on the edges of the central quarter area are where u can see them trees??? on the civic center roof?!?!

well... a decent answer is that they could’ve set up several encampments around the area to ensure their hold on the central quarter... it still raises some questions but honestly it makes a lot more sense... but if not and they really decided to camp out like one big happy family all together, then don’t even get me started on the possibility that the camp was stationed somewhere around here:

because doing that doesn’t have a single lick of sense omfg especially tactics-wise haha... that’s like... why would you do that... you’re wasting all your advantages... o h b o y... so you bet when i remembered that mc + loki had to pass by a forest to get back to the encampment + encountered ray & some disciples i was like... u m m... why???? if technically the reds took hold of the whole central quarter area then it actually isn’t necessary to skulk around in the forest?????? yes yes i know safety precautions + avoiding detection but... dood... it’s safer to walk in claimed territory rather than the unstable one ahaha...

plus the thing about the black bridge... uh... it's just said in the route that lancelot handles it through magic and that's all. but when i thought back on it oh my god... what did he do??????? how is he still standing??? how much of his lifespan did he shave off just to salvage that situation??????????? how is the poor boi alive?????????? the whole fucking bridge literally falls apart and that's a whole lot of chaos and people and AHHHHH!?!?!¿¿¿¿ if ur gonna make the bridge collapse (good thing they didn't think of disintegrate) it probably cost the magic tower a hefty amount but get rekt lancelot still saves the fucking day, what a king - he's practically got one foot in the grave already... this dood, seriously ಥ_ಥ

there were other things i noticed in the process of writing this based on the route events but i was like fuck it, let’s think on that another day and leave it as it is (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ ily kyle but oh no my brain started reprocessing the other details of ur route

thinking about all that also made me think of other more stuff, like cradle economy + livelihood haha;; it’s stated in edgar’s route (well... it’s actually pretty obvious in other routes too) that the reds are richer than the blacks, so i went ahead and assumed that the former engages in something more lucrative like mining -> jewerly / raw material / mineral trade, while for the latter something more wholesome like agriculture. idk, it works. even moreso that the reds give off the whole nobility vibe while the blacks are simple and casual. even the bg screens of the red & black streets are polarizing.

then i also went over the rest of the chosen thirteen... while the reds show no obvious weapon variety (see: swords), i’d like to believe that they’re taught to be versatile enough no matter what the situation. plus, since they have the funding, i'd like to think they're skilled in magic manipulation, too. meanwhile the black army shows weapon variety, and i’d like to think that it’s because most of their recruits aren’t soldiers in the first place: they’re farmhands / hunters / village people turned soldiers, and it’s actually easier to let them go with what they know first before encouraging them or asking them to learn something new. thus axes and spears and possible unconventional stuff like caltrops.

crimson glory

one of the things i realized was in kyle’s route, mc isn’t exactly so buddy-buddy with the red crew in comparison to other routes. she gets minimal interactions with the four, and zero aside her relationships with the top three are rather... tense.

zero was the other red officer i was initially going to add aside from edgar & kyle, but i added all of them anyway. while they don't appear all together, all of them have scenes together with edgar.

the first edgar & jonah scene shows an obvious contrast - while he's being incredibly critical about it, jonah shows actual concern for the living situations in black army territory. on the other hand, edgar chooses to tease him about it, his joking more or less implying that he isn't that concerned / bothered about it at all. the game touches up on this sometimes, often with edgar commenting on how noble jonah is while jonah shows obvious distaste for edgar's callousness.

still, they work well together. personally i'm amused with a hc of mine that looking at how edgar fights / acts only spurs jonah to act more honorably while for edgar, being exposed to jonah's noble-ness more or less makes him curious to try being honorable from time to time lol. that still doesn't stop anyone from calling him the gentle demon tho ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

tbh since edgar is obviously sneaky on other routes i wouldn't put it past him to casually pressure lancelot to tell him wtf's going on with this war when he gets the inkling that something's wrong. edgar goes about this subtly not-so-subtly and in the most polite manner possible. lancelot knows him far too well to take bait tho - he makes sure to speak carefully since he's probably knows that edgar's going to pick apart at his words for meanings + implications, so it more or less leaves edgar a bit frustrated since it's clear that lancelot won't tell him much. still, edgar knows when not to cross the line - even he's not so keen on getting on lancelot's bad side.

that aside, i'd like to think that edgar respects lancelot a lot as a person + commander enough that he'd truly risk his life for him on instinct like a true soldier would. while i think i could've done more on writing the gravity of the collapsing bridge scene, i liked the last bit where edgar + zero immediately worried for lancelot.

let's be honest here tho in some way or another all of the reds chosen worry about their king bc bruh... let us in bruh...

the scenes of zero & edgar in the end are also my favorite! it isn’t much, but enjoyed writing their relationship briefly. tbh i think edgar is one of those people under the sleep = most vulnerable = death thinking (no thanks to claudius), so the fact that he allows himself to drift to sleep twice in zero's company is a definite sign of trust. then again, he's injured but still ( ᐛ )و

edgar, idike, kyle

y’know even if this is an edgar/mc thing, i found fleshing out the kyle/mc relationship equally important which i presented in scene three. personally speaking, i’d like to think that if ever kyle didn’t fall in love with mc (on his own route???) he’d still be watching over her anyway since her struggle in the medical field + war reminds him a bit of his younger self after his brother's death.

which is why he doesn't intervene with that one soldier scene - he doesn't coddle her either when she goes into a brief shock. perhaps it's bc he knows so well what she's going through, he decides to let her handle it on her own. this was her experience, not his. and to be fair, she asked to go to the front lines determined but wholly unprepared emotionally. he tried warning her, she wouldn’t listen. now she faces the consequences - how would she go about it?

i decided to slap a name into mc this time to highlight the trust plot: idk if i got it clearly across in the fic, but in times of war + for someone who’s been trained to be suspicious / cautious of everyone like edgar; secrets are a surefire way to catch attention + breed distrust.

tbh he's hella aware that the secret around her name is most likely personal and nothing dangerous, but it's better safe than sorry - by making sure she understands that keeping secrets wouldn't be of any good to her + situation, he gets reassurance that she really is harmless. how bad + seriously she takes it honestly surprises him tho, but then again she's been going through other stuff too so it all piled up.

idike isn’t my in-game name, but it’s the given name i spoke of in this ask, haha! initially scene five has her saying her full name (with surname), but i thought it would be more fitting if i didn’t lol ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i tried to incorporate a mix of the personalities of edgar’s!mc + kyle’s!mc onto idike, tho at first i was only shooting for the latter - i think it kinda works??? while somewhat composed and determined (kyle’s), she still shows some naivete in her (edgar’s), especially concerning the ways of war + how secrecy & trust work in times of war.

i found emphasizing on her emotional struggle important, since it should be a big blow for her who’s never known the terror of war. the game touches upon on it a bit (tho it's post-med tent scenes) and i wanted to expand on it further since there are so many possible angles to go about it.

the i can’t heal you if you’re dead line sounds like something like shiro emiya might say but lol no i just remembered this p3 manga panel (pg 24) - its been years since i read it and i still love that line and i integrated it here... i was trying to expand that one scene for a while but then i just left it as it is.

in the catharsis scene where idike airs out everything, the fact that edgar fails to empathize with her + focuses more on her emotional state rather than offering actual help (advice maybe, but i honestly doubt he’d do that) reflects that he's still looking at her as an interesting creature and not her as a person. part 5 hints that this may be slowly changing, seeing as he called for her all of a sudden.

... idike probably keeps edgar’s glove as a token of friendship or smth haha ooPSSS i forgot to bring that back ahahaha..... ヘ（。□°）ヘ

ooofff i guess that’s all i have??? a big thank you to whoever read both hot messes™ and by that the fic + commentary itself!!! do feel free to hit the inbox for any comments + questions + more brainstorming + general screaming haha! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

#rundown.txt #the last long fic i wrote was a 6k+ fe:if thing #that was 3 years ago whoooaaaa #apparently i went the extra mile for this one omfg

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moonstruckbucky · 5 years

Text

Woman Like That | b. hargrove

SUMMARY: Billy wants a girl he can’t have.

PAIRING: Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader

WORD COUNT: 6.5k

WARNINGS: Loads of angst, language (this is Billy we’re talking about), some fluffy bits, Billy is a spoiled brat

NOTES: In the meantime of finishing up chapter 2 of Prowl, I needed something else Billy-centric so here’s a lengthy imagine where Billy learns he can’t always get what he wants. This is based off Rick Springfield’s Jessie’s Girl because who doesn't love a classic? 6.5k words, holy shit. The longest fic I’ve written recently. Enjoy!

Billy was in a habit of getting exactly what he wanted, and what he wanted was a girl underneath him almost every night, a moaning mess of tangled limbs and flushed skin. Since arriving in the shithole that was Hawkins, Billy had managed to land a date with nearly every girl in his grade or the year above at Hawkins High, except for three.

Nancy Wheeler, because even a night with Billy wouldn’t get her to unwind.

Carol, because even though Tommy was a douche with a big mouth, he still wouldn’t do that to him, one of the first friends he made.

And you, because you were already dating the school’s star wide receiver.

It was laughingly cliche, despite the fact that you weren’t a cheerleader. Far from it, actually. You weren’t prissy or stuck up, and you didn’t wear your hair in an extremely tight ponytail. You were normal, dressed in jeans and sweaters, and kind. Billy didn’t think he’d ever seen you get angry or annoyed with anyone, while he was angry with everything.

You had nothing but kind words for him on the few instances your paths crossed. You shared a couple classes together, were paired up for group projects every so often, and even being aware of Billy’s reputation, you were still nothing but polite and even pleasant to him.

How could he not be attracted to you?

What surprised Billy, even more than his honest attraction to you as a person and not just your looks, was the fact that he didn’t make any moves on you. Knowing you were dating a football player made him cautious. Billy was a douchebag, but he wasn’t stupid. He kept his distance in terms of flirtatious remarks, opting instead for riveting conversation on subjects Billy kept to himself.

Such as astronomy and American history.

Talking with you during breaks in class or even sometimes at lunch when he could catch you without Alex keeping you to himself gave Billy an unfamiliar sense of calm. He didn’t have to feel embarrassed over being smart. With Tommy, he dumbed it down a bit, played up the attitude that he didn’t care about school.

With you, it was different. With you, he could shed that image like a snake shed its skin, leaving him feeling refreshed and like a new person.

Alex wasn’t too impressed with Billy’s friendship with you, often pinning him with a territorial glare if the other boy ventured too close. You were headstrong, though, and made sure that Alex didn’t threaten your friendship, insisting that that’s all Billy was. A friend.

It stung, but it was the unfortunate truth, and it sent Billy into a downward spiral of confusion.

He wasn't used to having a girl as just a friend, unless he counted Carol which, quite frankly, he didn’t. Carol was just....Carol. They didn’t talk like you and Billy did, and so Carol was nowhere near your level. He never talked to his dates except for boring small talk. How did he like Hawkins and what was California like. Questions he had to try really hard not to roll his eyes to because, really, could these be any more boring?

Most of them hadn’t been once he’d gotten them between the sheets or in the backseat of his car. He didn’t think Hawkins girls would’ve had that kind of flare in them, but many of them did. Billy never went back for seconds though, as much as he thought about it. The only one he’d want writhing under him every night was you, and it didn’t look like he’d be getting his way anytime soon.

As much as it pained Billy to do so, he talked about your relationship with you. Occasionally, you and Alex would have an argument, and you’d come to Billy asking for a guy’s perspective, and he’d surprised himself by being honest with you, encouraging you to just talk to Alex and tell him your feelings.

“Guys aren’t mind readers,” was what he’d said to you. “You need to basically spell it out for us. Especially Alex since I know he can’t spell for shit.”

He was befuddled when you let him get away with making fun of your boyfriend, and it ignited a small spark of hope in his chest that things weren’t all sunshine and rainbows between you, that things might be on the outs.

Yet you never came to him with the news that you and Alex had broken up, that Billy could pursue you as a girlfriend and stop being just a friend.

Billy wondered if Alex was ever onto him, if he was as bad at hiding his feelings as he thought he was. But the football star never said anything to Billy directly, just gave him a glare whenever you laughed at one of Billy’s jokes or even paid him the smallest bit of kindest.

Yeah, Alex probably knew.

So why hadn’t he said anything? It made Billy paranoid, made him cautious, and it made him work harder to conceal his feelings for you.

The only way he knew how to do that was to push you away. He stopped saying hi to you in the hallways, stopped listening when you tried to pull him into a discussion over the Civil War, and he even snapped at you when you tried to tell him something stupid Alex had done over the weekend.

“I don’t give a shit about your boyfriend, Y/N,” he growled, pinning you with the harshest glare he could muster. He swallowed thickly when you flinched and your eyes shined with hurt.

“O-Okay then.” Your voice was small, barely a whimper, and you turned around to go back to your classwork. Billy felt like shit for the rest of the day.

He had to keep you at arms’ length, though. You’d already gotten far too close, and he was only setting himself up for heartbreak. You stopped initiating conversation with him after that day he snapped at you, stopped greeting him in the hallway. Your eyes would meet his for a brief moment before they darted away, and every time it drove the knife in his heart just that much deeper.

He felt empty without you, but he couldn’t have you, and that hurt worst of all.

It was February vacation, and Tina was throwing a Valentine’s Day party. Billy had no intention of attending, but then he got word that you were going, and he just couldn’t resist the torturous temptation of seeing you let loose. Plus, Tina herself had asked him to go, and even though it broke his rule of sleeping with a girl more than once, he needed a distraction from you, and Tina could take it.

Her house was decorated in shades of red, pink, and white, streamers hanging from the ceiling and shiny paper hearts taped along the walls. She had red Hershey kisses in a heart-shaped bowl by the front door and her party mixtape was playing loudly through the stereo system in the living room.

Billy showed up fashionably late, wearing a white button-up with half its buttons undone, and his signature leather jacket. Tina, in her baby pink dress, couldn’t take her eyes off him as he sauntered over to her, giving her a smirk that had her swooning. She handed him a can of beer, smiling coyly beneath her false eyelashes. Normally that kind of look would have him half-hard in his jeans, but tonight, it just made him want to disappear.

But he played it up, played his part of aloof bad boy. He mingled with some people, broke his own record on the keg stand, and tried to not care when you walked in in a gorgeous deep red sweater dress and black boots, looking like sin despite the innocent look on your face. His hand tightened around his beer bottle and he averted his eyes before you could see him watching you.

Instead, he curled an arm around Tina as she prattled on to one of her friends. She leaned into him, and Billy had to try hard to not imagine you in her place. You were across the party, a red cup in your hand as you laid across Alex’s lap. You were laughing at something a friend said, your eyes squeezing shut and mouth open wide. He could hear it clear across the room and he felt his chest tighten.

Then your eyes found his and he felt as if the world stopped. Your smile dropped but you didn’t look away for what seemed like a lifetime. Billy felt small under the intensity of your eyes, but he couldn’t make himself turn away, couldn’t make himself shut you out again. You were the one to break the contact, as Alex nudged your shoulder where his arm was slung over it.

You looked down at him, but his eyes followed the path yours had taken and his jaw clenched, arm tightening instinctively, possessively.

“God, him again?” he snarled, tipping back his beer. “Can’t he crash someone else’s party?”

“He’s not doing anything, babe,” you told him gently. You ran your fingers through his hair in an effort to calm his rising temper. “Leave him be.”

“Why are you always defending him?” he snapped, jerking out of your hold. You felt your heart clench and sighed.

“I’m not. I’m just.... We came to have fun tonight, so let’s do that okay? I don’t want to fight.”

Alex remained quiet but tense the entire night, and he didn’t put his arm around you again. He was in a mood now; you’d been together long enough to recognize it. He sat stiffly on the couch, only seemed to relax when you stood up to refill your drink. You didn’t offer to refill his, figuring he probably shouldn’t get drunk. He could get mean when intoxicated and you had run out of patience for it a long time ago.

The kitchen was crowded as you weaved between people. Not bothering with the ladle in the bowl of punch, you instead dunked your cup and chugged half of whatever had been concocted. It tasted no better than gasoline, but you could already feel it warming your insides.

“Easy there, killer.”

You froze with your cup halfway to the bowl, eyes sliding to your left to see Billy leaning against the counter beside you. His gaze was guarded, his posture stiff. He looked every bit uncomfortable standing next to you, and you, quite frankly, were faring no better.

Billy wasn’t sure what made him approach you in the kitchen. Perhaps it was the pinched, impatient expression on your face or the fact that he just missed you. But now he was next to you and you were looking at him like you’d rather be anywhere else.

He supposed he deserved that.

“Billy.” Your tone was flat, devoid of any former happiness that used to make his heart sing. He frowned and shifted his weight.

“You, um, you look great,” he mumbled, the compliment sitting awkward on his tongue. He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, hoping it’d be enough to take that look out of your eyes.

It didn't. Instead, they rolled. “Don’t do that, Billy.”

“Do what?” he asked fearfully. You gave him an irritated glance.

“Act like we’re friends. We aren’t.”

“We used to be,” he muttered. Because of him.

You said as much. “Because you decided you didn’t want to be anymore. So we’re not. And you don’t get to stay things like that to me.”

Billy sighed and dropped his head. He knew, he knew he shouldn’t have any right to say anything to you after he so callously pushed you away, pushed your friendship away. With a quick resigned nod, he picked up a fresh beer and moved to turn away.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he heard himself say before he could rethink it. “Just....felt like you should know that.”

You stared down into your cup as Billy blended back into the crowd, set on getting himself plastered and laid and knowing he’d deserve every bit of a killer hangover come tomorrow. You stayed in the kitchen for a while, were pulled into a conversation with one of your classmates about the football team’s chances of making it to state.

It was some time and two more cups of that unknown concoction later that the sound of shouting erupted from the living room. Exchanging confused glances with the girls around you, all of you headed towards the sounds of the scuffle, lured in by the chanting, yelling, and shattering glass as whoever was fighting went straight through the sliding glass door.

Your heart leaped into your throat when you recognized Alex’s signature letterman jacket and Billy’s leather one as they grappled with one another, throwing and landing punches. Billy’s nose was bleeding when you moved closer, and Alex was sporting a black eye that you hadn’t yet seen. Instinct drove you forward and you yanked on Alex’s jacket as he turned his back to you.

A harsh sting exploded through the side of your face and you let him go to cradle your injured cheek. Silence fell over the crowd and Billy was the first one to notice you, noticed the way you held your face and glared maliciously up at Alex. The football star turned, enraged expression morphing into one of shock and regret.

“Oh my god....Babe....” He reached forward with both hands in an attempt to see the damage, but you jerked your head away from him. Billy felt his hands clench at his sides as he took in the redness of your cheek, a small cut from Alex’s class ring marring the flawless complexion.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” you howled. A few people in the crowd flinched at both the volume and the intensity of your voice, taking a couple steps back to give the three of you room. “I leave you alone for five minutes and you start a goddamn fight! You better explain yourself, right now, Alex, or so help me....”

Alex stuttered, mouth flapping before an enraged expression darkened his features.

“’Nothing to worry about’, huh?” he snarled, keeping you frozen in your place with the intensity of his glare. In response, you tilted your head and scrunched up your face in confusion.

“What the hell are you talking about, Alex? How drunk are you?”

You ignored the growing crowd behind you, ignored Billy as he wiped a hand under his bleeding nose and smeared it over his cheek inadvertently. Your confusion only mounted when Alex swung an arm backwards, gesturing to the other boy, whose eyes were bouncing wildly between the couple arguing in front of him.

“I’m sober enough to know your little side piece doesn’t know how to stay away from someone’s girl!”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Okay, now I know you’re hammered because I have legitimately no idea what you’re talking about.”

Alex groaned, clapping his hands to his face and dragging them down, as if it was such a hassle to explain it to you. “He’s into you, Y/N. Goddammit. It’s so obvious!”

You stiffened, shoulders straightening as your eyes automatically found Billy. But he wasn’t looking at you; he was looking off to the side, glaring a hole in the fence that blocked out Tina’s backyard. A muscle in his jaw jumped, and if the lighting had been better, you would have seen the stain of pink on his cheeks. He shifted from foot to foot, his eyes dropping to the ground before sliding upwards to meet yours.

Billy wasn’t an easy person to read, not if you didn’t know what to look for. He could steel his face into a suave picture of calm and collected, but his eyes said all. It was why, when he looked at you, you knew Alex wasn’t lying. His expression was guarded, but his eyes were saying everything his mouth couldn’t.

“Billy?” you asked breathlessly.

He didn’t respond verbally, merely shifted his weight uncomfortably as another silence settled over the crowd behind you. You could practically feel them all holding their breath, waiting for a climactic end to a juicy love triangle.

Alex, however, wasn’t as patient to wait for Billy to reply, and he laughed cruelly. “Isn’t that right, Billy? You’re in love with my girlfriend.”

Billy was used to being the center of attention, but not like this. Right now, he was humiliated, face engulfed in deep red, and he was looking for a way out that didn’t involve rushing through the crowd. He couldn’t look at you, couldn’t watch when you eventually succumbed to the laughter that Alex was currently choking back, as if the idea of you being interested in Billy was such a huge joke.

And it was, wasn’t it? Someone like Billy was so unfairly undeserving of the light someone like you provided. He hadn’t ever planned on telling you. For one, it’d be unfair to put you in that position when you were seeing someone, and for two, he was so afraid of your inevitable rejection that he just settled for being your friend. Until he fucked that up too because he was too much of a pussy to set his feelings aside. He was too selfish, deciding that if he couldn’t have you the way he wanted, he wouldn’t have you at all to save himself the heartbreak of knowing you’d never want him back.

“Billy....” you whispered again, taking a small step forward towards him, and it seemed to jolt him awake. Without another word or glance at you, or Alex, or anyone, he stormed past you, the crowd parting as he rushed out of the house and out to his car.

Alex, once Billy was gone, the roar of his engine fading as he sped down the street, finally let out the condescending, boisterous laugh he’d been holding back. You, on the other hand, had blocked out everything with Alex’s admission of Billy’s secret and Billy’s nonverbal confirmation. You may not have been as close as you used to be, but you still knew him.

But you had no idea what to do, how to mend your broken friendship. So you settled for your next emotion: anger.

“You’re an asshole, Alex,” you seethed. His peals came to an abrupt halt as he straightened up, the smile dropping from his face immediately. “In case it wasn’t obvious, we’re done. Over. I don’t want to see you again.”

You turned away, aiming to head back into the house, but Alex’s voice made you pause. “Y/N? Y/N, come on, don’t be such a bitch! You’re really going to break up with me over Hargrove?”

You rounded on him so fast he had to take two stumbling steps backwards to avoid having his chin knocked by your head.

“No,” you snarled, driving your finger into his chest as you punctuated every word, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re an asshole, you’re mean when you’re drunk, and you have no regard for anyone’s feelings but your own. You don’t trust me, you don’t love me, and you certainly don’t deserve me. Especially after that little stunt. Do not come near me. It’s over.”

Low murmurs broke out through the crowd as it parted for you, allowing you free passage through the house and out the front door. Your drive home was spent in silence as you replayed the night’s unexpected turn over and over again. Suddenly Billy’s behavior made sense to you, why he’d pulled away as rapidly as he had. It still hurt like hell, but you understood him and his reasons far better now.

You had to talk to him, had to fix this. You just worried it was unfixable.

But Billy wasn’t at school on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or even Wednesday. The gossip in the halls about the weekend’s events had died down by Tuesday, having been shoved to the backburner when Tina and her hookup of the weekend, Michael King, got into a very heated, very public argument in the hallway. For that, you were thankful. You were growing tired of the lingering looks and curious stares from your classmates.

What took you by surprise was the sudden emptiness you felt with Billy’s absence. Sure, it was there when he’d abruptly and unexpectedly shoved you out of his life, but now, after the discovery of his feelings for you, that hole felt wider, deeper, darker. It felt suffocating, drowning you in a pit of hopelessness and loss. You missed your best friend.

Your mood suffered as a result. Alex had tried to approach you multiple times in the hallways, trying to make amends. At first, you brushed him off silently, until his approaches got so annoying that you snarled at him to leave you be, and from there, your irritability mounted to heights you were unaware it could reach. Is this how Billy felt when he iced you out? Lonely, angry, heartbroken, lost?

The first half of the week passed by at a snail’s pace. Without Alex, and especially without Billy, it felt mundane, like an endless loop of pointless small talk and studying that might never get you anywhere in life. Your friends tried talking to, tried to cheer you up after your very public breakup, but you answered their questions with half-hearted shrugs, and so they stopped trying, and you eventually stopped sitting with them.

Amongst all the chaotic emptiness brewing in your mind, underneath it all was shock. You hadn’t been able to get Billy’s expression out of your head when Alex spilled his deepest secret. No one else would’ve known that Billy had wordlessly admitted that what Alex had accused was true, but you knew Billy, knew his mannerisms and his expressions, and you felt like shit for not knowing what to say at the time other than his name.

Hell, you still didn’t know what to say to Billy once you saw him again. Darkly, your minded added, if you ever saw him again.

You and Billy never hung out outside of school, not unless you happened to be in the same place at the same time, so you had no idea where he lived. You couldn’t go to him like you were so desperately wanting to. You couldn’t go to him and tell him you were there, for him, that you wanted your best friend back.

But would he? He’d had something deeply personal outed by your boyfriend of all people, so would he somehow project his anger and embarrassment onto you? Had you lost him for good?

The pang in your heart at that thought was staggering, and it had you stumbling into the person in front of you. She turned her head to glare at you, and all you could do was mumble a quiet apology. You couldn’t lose Billy. You wouldn’t lose him.

Thursday morning you were relieved to see his car in the parking lot, and the boy himself was leaning against the hood, smoking a cigarette. You frowned when you took in the figure of Stacy Cartwright tucked into his side, his denim-clad arm thrown over her shoulder. Carol and Tommy stood in front of them, looking like the Royal Quartet of Hawkins High.

Every instinct told you to turn the other way, to not engage him in case it ended in your humiliation, but when your heart pounded painfully at the sound of his laugh, a sound you just now realized you missed more than anything, it forced your feet into moving, and you were standing outside their little circle in seconds.

They were laughing about something, and it came to a stop as first Billy and then everyone else took notice that you were there. Stacy fixed you with a grimace, her big doe eyes trailing your figure with what you assumed was disgust. Tommy and Carol were wearing matching wide and amused smirks at your appearance. You ignored all of them as you took in the proud posture of your former best friend.

“Billy,” you murmured. His face, and his eyes, gave away nothing as he lifted the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply. You staved off a cough when he didn’t bother to blow it away from you. “You’re back.”

He smirked widely, arm tugging Stacy closer into his side. “This one wouldn’t let me out of bed for four days.”

You winced as Stacy giggled up at him, baring her neck to you, and you took in the ring of purple hickies on her pale skin. You weren’t sure why that stung, but it did, and you felt your face flame in humiliation. The toe of your shoe kicked at a rock, and you cleared your throat, ignoring Billy’s comment and the way it churned your stomach.

“I was hoping we could talk? Um....” you muttered, chancing a glance up at him. His eyes were focused on you but they were glazed over. He’d gotten better at hiding his true emotions from you, and that sent another jolt through your system. “If, you know, it isn’t too much trouble.”

Stacy scoffed, inserting herself into the conversation rudely, and placed a hand on Billy’s chest in what was supposed to be a possessive manner. “He ain’t interested, sweetheart. Get lost.”

Your jaw clenched as you gritted your teeth, glaring hard at her. You looked back up at Billy, deflating completely when he simply shrugged and nodded, as if what she’d said was exactly the way he was feeling.

But he caught the way you seemed to curl in on yourself, the light dimming in your eyes and the droop of your shoulders. Inside his stomach was roiling with regret, but he couldn’t take it back, and you simply nodded, resigned and with shining eyes, and turned on your heel. Stacy and Carol immediately began ripping you apart, and it made Billy sick to his stomach both with humiliation and with rage.

Despite the desperate urge to speak to him, you kept your distance from him all day. You dodged his glances, brushed by him with your head down, and overall ignored him. It sucked. But he deserved it for the way he let Stacy walk all over you, and that truth sent his mood spiraling downward faster than a plane on fire.

Your ignoring him had him, in turn, ignoring Stacy. Truth be told, she’d been all over him before Tina’s party, all but throwing herself at him, and after last week, he needed to distract himself from the burning humiliation.

He’d never regretted anything more. Stacy latched onto him like a leech, and while he hadn’t been wrong when he said Stacy kept him in her bed for four days, he was far from proud of it.

He wanted to talk to you, felt words clawing up his throat, but at the last second he chickened out, and you were already gone, back to ignoring him. He was growing tired of this back and forth with you. He hated playing games unless he was the one running the show, and right now, he most definitely wasn’t. The ball was technically in your court, but he was fed up.

His chance came on Friday. The hallway was uncharacteristically empty except for you as you walked out of your last period class, headed for the library to get in some last-minute cramming for a test. Billy had been waiting. He hadn’t forgotten your schedule, had it memorized within the first few weeks of your friendship. He stood outside the classroom, shoulder leaning against the tiled wall and his head tilted back.

You froze when you caught him waiting for you outside the classroom, swallowing down the rising dread as it crept up your throat. A cold sweat broke out on your forehead as your eyes never wavered from his despite the overwhelming urge to look away, turn tail, and not look back. But Billy seemed to have his own gravitational pull, and it lured you in, forced your feet forward until you were standing merely a foot away from him.

He looked tired, you noticed. His eyes were dull, though they sparked to life when he realized you weren’t going to run away, and it made your chest ache. His shoulders straightened from their habitual droop, and he kicked off the wall to close the distance between you by three inches.

“Hi,” he mumbled. Nervousness was becoming an annoying habit of his; Billy never got nervous until you spun his world off its axis.

“Hi,” you whispered back. Part of you was afraid that if you spoke too loudly, he’d disappear like a mirage. But he shifted and you were hit with a wave of his cologne and it made your heart thud with nostalgia. God, you missed him.

“Can....” he paused to swallow, teeth grinding together as his nerves were frayed, “can we talk? Please?”

Your breath rattled as you exhaled, nodding slowly and trying to tamp down the hope blossoming in your chest. Your brain had tricked you into believing that this was the end of your friendship as you knew it. Billy’s posture and expression gave away no hints as to his current state of mind, and it only made you worry more.

Billy looked around, wanting to find a quiet spot to talk both so you couldn’t be interrupted and to avoid the prying ears of your classmates. There was hardly anyone left at the school, but Billy didn’t want to chance it.

“Come take a drive with me?” he asked shyly, chewing on his lower lip. He had his hands in his pockets, the embodiment of nervousness, and for a moment, it threw you for a loop.

“S-Sure. Um, let me just put these back.” You held up your books. Billy nodded and pulled one hand out of his pocket, reached for you before he rethought it, and shoved it back in. Your stomach was fluttering as the two of you walked down the hall to your locker.

Christ, what the hell were you supposed to say to him? Your mind turned itself inside out in an attempt to formulate some kind of conversation starter, but it came up empty. You made a show of spinning the dial on your locker while Billy waited patiently behind you, eyes boring into your back. It made your movements jerky and unsteady, hands shaking as they dropped the books into the locker and closed the door much harder than you were anticipating.

You breathed out deeply and turned to face him. “Okay, we can go.”

Awkward was far too nice a word to describe the silence between you as you walked out of school. The few students who remained turned to regard the two of you curiously, whispering furiously amongst one another. You ignored it as the navy Camaro loomed closer. You reached for the passenger handle at the same time Billy did, your hands bumping clumsily.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” you squeaked at the same time Billy said, “Fuck, sorry.”

You shared awkward, shaky smiles and you let him open your door. When he turned his back you frowned. You had no idea how to act around him anymore, and that made you inexplicably sad. You dropped onto the leather seat with a huff as Billy took his time lighting a cigarette and mentally preparing himself. When he got into the car and closed the door, the small space was suddenly clouded with his cologne. You reveled in it, relaxing back into the seat as his music played at a reasonable volume and he stayed below the speed limit.

He drove the two of you to the outskirts of Hawkins, where the small town blended into rolling farmland. You knew it was where he could really find peace and quiet. He pulled the Camaro off to the side of the road, cut the engine, and got out. You steeled yourself for this inevitable talk and followed suit, coming to stand beside him as he leaned against the hood. His lighter clicked as he lit a cigarette, letting the smoke billow from his mouth for a few seconds before blowing it away and ducking his head.

You weren’t sure if he was going to be the one to start talking, but one question was at the forefront of your mind, and so you asked it before you could stop yourself.

“Is it true?”

He didn’t move, kept his head down and drew the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply and holding the smoke in his chest. He knew what you were inferring to, and as scared as he was to admit, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He nodded as he exhaled, wincing when you inhaled sharply.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” It was a dumb question, made even more obvious when Billy scoffed derisively. You scrunched up your face. “Sorry, stupid question.”

More silence ensued, and briefly you felt a pinch of annoyance. Wasn’t he the one who asked to talk? Why wasn’t he saying anything?

“I broke up with Alex. That night.” You pursed your lips, digging the toe of your boot into the gravel idly and wishing, praying that he would say something, anything.

“Yeah well,” he muttered, cheeks hollowing as he puffed on his cigarette, “he was an asshole anyways.��

“Yeah, he was,” you agreed. You crossed your arms over your chest, an involuntary gesture of self-preservation because you were about to get very vulnerable. “I miss you, Billy.”

He looked at you then, watched as you withdrew into yourself again, eyes cast downward. God, he missed you too, so much it physically hurt. And yet his tongue was like lead in his mouth and he couldn’t say a word. Your eyes met his, the insecurity and vulnerability that was on full display crashing into his chest like a runaway train and it threatened to steal the breath from his lungs.

“I miss you, too,” he choked out, clearing his throat. “I’m....I’m so sorry, for everything. For ignoring you, for Stacy, for....for ruining your relationship.”

“You didn’t,” you hurried to say, straightening up and facing him fully. “Billy, I need you to know that you didn’t ruin my relationship with Alex. He did that all on his own and to be honest, I’d been thinking about it for a while. I guess I was just prolonging the inevitable.”

“He didn’t know you anyways,” he said offhandedly, but the comment made your heart flutter and race at the same time. You took a small step forward.

“No he didn’t. Not like you do.” They were whispered, but they hit him hard, and his head snapped up to meet your gaze. His blue eyes flitted between yours, searching. You breathed deeply to let your vulnerability show, let him see what you were feeling, had been feeling for a while.

“I didn’t feel for you the way you felt about me,” you admitted, a pang in your chest when his face fell. “Not at first anyway. If I’m being honest, I think it hit me when you were ignoring me. I wondered why it hurt so much, why I felt like....like I had a piece of me missing, but I let it go. I had Alex and so I focused my attention on keeping my relationship alive. Fat lot of good that did me. So after that night, I felt even worse, because now I didn’t have anyone, but I missed you the most. I felt hollow and sad, all the time, and I didn’t know how to talk to you. I didn’t know where you lived, and I realized that I had no idea what I would even say to you if I saw you again. And then....that thing with Stacy happened, and I felt like my whole world was crashing down, all because I couldn’t get you to talk to me like you used to. And, running with the theme of honesty here, I couldn’t believe that someone like you would feel that way for someone like me. You’re so cool, Billy, way too cool for a town like Hawkins and definitely way too cool for little old me! So I had a hard time coming to terms with that and when I did, I kind of stumbled onto the fact that it was always you, Billy. It should’ve always been. And I feel so goddamn stupid and embarrassed over it because it shouldn’t have taken me so long to realize I’d accidentally fallen for my best friend.”

Billy never stopped looking at you even as you caught your breath, feeling two seconds away from a panic attack over the fact that he still hadn’t said anything.

“Billy, please say something. I, I can’t take it anymore,” you sobbed. When the fuck had you started crying?

Without another word Billy reached out and curled his hand around the back of your neck, tugging you forwards. You stumbled on the uneven ground, collided with his chest clumsily, and balanced yourself with your hands on his chest. You could feel his heart racing, see the love pooling in his eyes and his head dipped down. You rolled up on your toes to meet him, eyes fluttering closed and lips touching softly.

Kissing Billy could become your new favorite pastime, especially when his fingers tangled in your hair and tilted your head to deepen the kiss. You sighed against his mouth and he answered with a groan, his free arm wrapping around your waist to pull you flush against him as he leaned against the car. He shivered when the warm wet of your tongue slid across his bottom lip, and he surrendered to you, lips parting so your tongue could enter his mouth.

His body came alive under your kisses, filling him with a warmth he’d never felt before but found he was already addicted to. He was surrounded by everything you—your smell, your touch, your entire being, and he was drunk on it. Every longing glance, every ounce of effort he put into pushing his feelings down, all the tiredness and anger he felt those months, dissolved and it made his heart feel like it could float right out of his chest all because you loved him back.

That realization nearly made him sob as he wound his other arm around your waist and lifted you off the ground, causing you to squeak into his mouth. He laughed lowly before he dove back in for more. God, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of kissing you.

When your lungs were burning for air, you pulled away from him, but he kept you pinned to his chest, your feet dangling above the ground. You opened your eyes and smiled down at him, feeling giddy over the sheer love and adoration in his eyes. You were sure you had proverbial hearts in your eyes too.

“Be my girl?” he whispered, his warm breath fanning over your face. Your face warmed underneath a blush and you leaned forward to rest your forehead on his.

“Thought you’d never ask, Hargrove.”

Billy Hargrove Tag List: @casaharrington / @moirasimagines / @billyhardgrove / @dacremontgomerylover / @dacresgirl / @hotstuffhargrove / @thatonecurlygirl / @delicatelyherdreams / @hargrove-mayfield / @swirlyoreo

Permanent Tag List: @so-not-hotmess / @hotstuffhargrove / @moirasimagines / @baebee35 / @deathbyarabbit / @disagreetoagree / @cherryblcssm / @alex–awesome–22 / @sophiealiice / @yknott81 / @cassiopeia-barrow / @tearsforhan

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fic #stranger things #stranger things 2 #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 2 fanfiction #dacre montgomery #moonstruckhargrove #billy hargrove one shot

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lost-in-fictionn · 5 years

Text

Let's Run Away

I read a rowaelin fic that was you belong with me themed by @musicalfae and I liked the idea -I liked the fic so much too- so much that I wanted to write something too. So I chose speak now by Taylor and well.... Here it is. I hope you like it. (I want to say this too: I definitely don't know how to write this kind of things, especially not in english, and this is the longest I have ever written -not that I've written many, just one or two really short hcs- so, my request is that if I have mistakes, please ignore them 🙏🙏)

It was today. Audrey Rose's wedding. He had been aware of every passing second this past month, since he'd heard she was going to marry someone her father liked and approved. He'd thought he was going to drop dead right then and there. He hadn't been able to breathe properly until his sister had splashed the water in the glass standing on a nearby table onto his face. And then he had started to breathe again, but not really felt it.

It had been like someone was cutting his body open while he was looking at them without being able to scream. It had been like the food he was eating was ash, the drinks he was drinking blood of forgotten creatures. Tasteless. Everything was tasteless. He simply had stopped enjoying life. Everything was gray.

That month, however, had past, and now he was standing outside the church which she was going to marry in. He didn't even have an invitation -why would Mephistopheles send an invitation to him, knowing damn well that Audrey Rose still had complicated feelings- but here he was anyway, he couldn't keep himself away despite all his promises to himself that he was not going to go and see her marry someone who wasn't him. It was killing him, seeing people go through the doors. The doors which opened to the place his last sliver of hope will die. Knowing that she had feelings for Mephistotales made all these far, far worse. He'd told her that it was her life and her choices and he had meant it. But that didn't mean that seeing her with Mephisto-I-don't-know-what wasn't breaking his whole world down.

He looked at the guests, all women in pastel colors, all men in fancy suits and looked at himself. He was wearing a suit too, there was nothing wrong with his clothes. The problem was with how his face looked. Black circles under un-seeing eyes, pale -paler than ever- face, bloodless lips... He was a living ghost, that was what Daci had said this morning before coming here. He didn't care. Everyone already was calling him an automaton, being called ghost was not so different, and definitely not among his problems. Oh, not at all.

His biggest problem right now was finding a new purpose to keep him alive. To make his meaningless life a bit meaningful. And that was a big, big problem, considering how so few things mattered to him in his worthless -proven- existence.

Enough of thinking the same things over and over again, said his brain. He might have ignored it and kept thinking were it not for the voices that came from inside the church.

He looked at the doors and saw no one checking the invitations. He took the chance as it was and sneaked in. He headed right to where the crowd was lost in their conversations. And luckily, there were curtains behind him, that meant he could hide behind them if someone from Mephisto's gang happen to see him.

The thing he didn't realize when he first came here was that it was so so so close to Mephisto's room. Damn his luck! Apparently it had left him the moment he got inside. He lowered his hat and started to walk away. He was in mid-step when he heard Mephisto yell at some servant just because his coffee was too hot and he burnt his mouth. He shook his head, wondering if Audrey Rose was indeed happy to marry him or did she already regret her decision. This was not the kind of guy she would like to marry.

He found himself another place, far from the eyes, and lost himself in the daydream that made him feel a little bit better this past month: He stands up right before Audrey Rose says 'yes' and says 'Don't say yes, let's run away now.' And to his delight, she runs away with him.

But this was reality and it definitely wasn't going to be like that. First, as soon as he stood up he would be kicked out of the church. Even if luck came to him again and he weren't kicked out, there was no way on earth Audrey Rose would say yes to him. So... the same end to the same daydream for the thousandth time.

He came back to himself when he heard the organ play a song that sounded like a death march. Who the hell had chosen that song for his scalpel's sake? He was sure if Audrey Rose hadn't regretted her decision by now, she did now.

After the song was over -it felt like forever- there were applauses. And then-

He closed his eyes and opened them again. He was seeing right, wasn't he? Was he really? He couldn't believe his eyes, what his eyes saw... He thought he'd seen Audrey Rose in her most beautiful posture when they had been in Romania, when she'd accepted him as her boyfriend. He couldn't have been more wrong. Audrey Rose in a wedding dress... He didn't have words to describe how beautiful she looked. He didn't think anyone would have words to describe how she looked. Heavenly. That was all he could say.

She started to walk down the aisle with her arm around her father's. To where Mephistopheles now stood. His heart ached. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed miserably. He'd dreamed this whole scene a million times with groom being himself when they were together. When he still believed he was worthy of her love. What had he done wrong that she hadn't chosen him? What had he not done that Mephistopheles had? Why wasn't it him who now she was walking to? He swallowed again and, damn him, sniffed a bit loudly while brushing away the tears that slipped past the barrier of his eyelids.

The preacher was talking when he made up his mind. He was going to ask her, one last time. Even if she wasn't going to accept, at least he would know that he had done everything he could.

The preacher said "Speak now or forever hold your peace," and there was an absolute silence in the hall. This was his last chance. And he stood up.

Everyone was looking at him with horror in their eyes. He curled his shaking hands into fists and looked directly Audrey Rose's eyes. Her wide-with-shock eyes. Her beautiful green eyes.

He heard someone's footsteps before he said "Don't say yes," His voice was trembling slightly. "You know you're not the kind of girl who should be marrying the wrong guy, Wadsworth. Let's run away?"

He saw Mephistopheles say something to someone behind him, actually shout, but he didn't hear him. He was only looking at the only beautiful thing that has ever happened to him.

She looked at him, at the crowd, at her father, and at Mephistopheles. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at him. Thomas didn't know if those tears were because of that scandal or something else. He couldn't think. No, he couldn't think at all as Audrey Rose threw her bouquet to the ground and ran toward him. Ran toward him? Ran toward him!

He was already halfway through the aisle when they collided. His arms around her, his face on her neck, he was crying out of incredulity and happiness. Her face was on his chest, and she was half crying half laughing. He pulled himself back to look at her. How could she be that beautiful? It was not fair to the other people.

She said "Let's run away." And he could have sworn he hadn't heard more beautiful words in his life, ever.

I don't know who to tag actually, so I'm gonna go with you guys, who I know you know cressworth: @city-of-fae @highqueenofelfhame @thomasscresswell @lizziehatter

#Sjtr #Stalking jack the ripper #Thomas Creswell #Audrey Rose Wadsworth #Hunting prince Dracula #Escaping from houdini #Mephistopheles #Taylor Swift #Speak now

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