#they show their symptoms differently but the fact he’s depressed is expected

[buggachat]

“movie!adrien is just show!adrien but depressed” DO YOU GUYS NOT THINK SHOW!ADRIEN IS DEPRESSED??? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

#ml movie #ml movie spoilers #ml awakening #ml awakening spoilers #they show their symptoms differently but the fact he’s depressed is expected #apparently people think me criticizing movie!adrien is criticizing Adrien for being depressed #I cannot emphasize enough how much I like my Adriens depressed #cw depression

[luveline]

first of all, CONGRATS on 10k! you're crazy talented and seem so lovely and nice and I'm so happy such nice things are happening to you!

I loved your drabble about Steve taking care of you while your sick and was wondering if you could do something similar with Eddie, please?

tysm!!!!!! eddie taking care of you when you're sick! ♡ fem!reader | 1k words

Your wrists feel weak. It's not a symptom you'd expected to have with the common cold and it has  you frowning with worry. Your mug in your hands feels suddenly achingly heavy and you have to set it down on the nightstand, hissing to yourself. 

"What the fuck?" you ask, perplexed. Your voice, though scratchy and quiet, echoes through the room. 

"What, baby?" Eddie asks. He turns baby into a different word entirely; says it with enough softness that it's more of a sound than a name. 

You feel your frustration wane. "Nothing. Don't worry about it." 

Eddie pulls off his headphones and sets his guitar aside on the floor. He stands and stretches, exposing a sliver of his midriff that makes you sad. You miss his skin but you're too sick for anything fun. Before you know it he's taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger, eyes dancing with light. 

"What's the matter, sweet thing? Tell Eddie," he croons.

You go from bashful to bemused. "The third person?" 

"All the cool kids are using it. Tolkien, Le Guin, C. S. Lewis." 

"Talking about yourself in the third person," you amend, used to his habit of missing the point entirely. 

"Changing the subject," he assesses back. 

He rubs his thumb over the bump of your chin and perches on the edge of his bed. You've contaminated his entire room by now, so his hesitation isn't for any fear of getting sick – Eddie's the one who made you sick. He's tentative because he feels guilty. 

You're not that mad. In fact, you're kind of liking it. He's using every excuse he can to dote on you, and you're happy to let him. 

And your wrists really do hurt. 

"I'm aching," you admit. 

Eddie drops your chin in favour of your hand. "Everywhere?" 

"My wrists hurt." 

His eyes widen slightly and his lips part. "Shit, really?" he asks. He pushes your closed hand into his palm and rubs your knuckles until they're all flattened out. "Is it gonna make it worse or better if I touch it?" 

"I don't know. Maybe worse." 

He nods and his eyelashes kiss, his eyes half-lidded as he presses his lips very gently against one wrist. You offer the second and he does the same, his grin wolfish. Self-satisfied. 

"Why're you smiling?" you ask suspiciously. 

"It's hard to explain. Especially to mere mortals," he tells you, leaning in close. 

You force your mouth to your shoulder as a cough wracks you, your chest and stomach hurting from the force of it. You're tired of being sick. Fatigue lines your features, turns your mouth down and your eyes sticky. 

Eddie softens like butter in the sun. "How about something else to drink? Something warm." You crinkle your nose. "No? Hmm." 

"I'm not very thirsty," you say. Not strictly true, but picking up the glass feels like more trouble than it's worth right now. 

Eddie drops your hands to mess with his hair. He pulls it away from his face and runs his fingers through it like he's going to tie it up but never does, eyes watching your shoulder all the while. He's looking through you as he thinks. Suddenly, an idea dawns on his face. His eyebrows jump.

He strides out of his room with little preamble and no explanation. You sulk to yourself and slide down the bed until your back is flat to the sheets and your head propped up by his depressed pillows. 

Eddie returns with a can of ginger beer in his hands. He looks tall in the doorway. His smile slips. 

"You're looking at me like I'm dying." 

"No, that would be more like this," he says, and shows you. 

His brows pinch up tight at their starts and low at their ends as he frowns. A coy heartbreak plays in his eyes.

He drops the act quick as a flash and giggles to himself as he returns to your side. You roll your eyes and hold out your hand for the ginger beer. 

You wince as he passes it over.

"What?" 

"S'heavy," you say against the cold metal rim, taking a small sip. Your eyes slip closed in bliss. 

He takes it from you and scrounges in his pockets for something. There, he slides a straw into the can and offers it again. He evades you when you try to take it. 

"I'll hold it. You drink," Eddie says.

"I can hold my own drink." 

"But why should you?" His free hand finds your thigh under the covers. He gives you a tender squeeze. "I made you sick, this is the least I can do." 

Sincerity is always a good look on him. You take a huge pull of ginger beer and smile at him gratefully. 

"Am I too sick to give you a thank you kiss?" you ask. 

He puts your new drink with the first and shifts closer to you. "You could have a flesh eating bacteria and I'd still let you kiss me." He's coquettish. 

"That's disgusting," you say. 

He leans down. "Super disgusting," he says agreeably. His hand comes up to cup your cheek and he kisses down, both soft and searching as his fingertips glide over the hill of your cheek.

You break the kiss quicker than you'd really like to for another weak cough into your shoulder. You're tired and nauseous and everything hurts weakly, a pulsing pain. 

Eddie pulls your face back up and strokes the well of your eye with his pinky finger. "Sorry I made you sick." 

You're finding it impossible to hold a grudge. "I'll forgive you." 

"When?" 

"I don't know. Can I have a hug while I think it over?" 

He pushes your hip with his and settles on top of the covers, pulling you onto his chest and making a lazy, almost obnoxious sound of pleasure. "You take all the time you need, babe. I'm happy to wait." 

"I bet you are," you mutter, nestling your face into his chest. 

He strokes your hairline with his thumb, his smile evident when he drops a kiss at your temple. 

"Be careful with your wrists," he murmurs. 

#eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things #x reader #eddie munson blurb

[m0tel6mxzzy]

swarm: s1 ep 6 (spoilers!) review

+an analysis on dre’s relationships thus far

this episode has some of the most revealing content yet is also my least favorite episode, and i like most of them so far. we are given insight into dre’s family life, down to her full name and child relationship to marissa, and just how codependent she became toward marissa even after their parents had given dre up.

we also have a more nuanced take on patricia now that harris is out of the picture and is no long controlling the household and thus patricia’s perceptions of andrea, which is an amazing detail bc it allows patricia to say how she truly loved dre and wanted to help her, but a fear for marissa’s safety and disobeying harris kept her from nurturing dre the way she needed, “othering” her the way everyone except marissa did.

this also shows so strongly why ni’jah is viewed as a motherly figure. she’s everything that can be replaced in patricia, who was emotionally neglecting her through her complacency in harris’s subjugation of dre. patricia does not guide her emotionally or intellectually, so dre looks to a famous singer she idolized as a child for that very bond…which unlike her parents, can never actually leave her or isolate her, even if ni’jah also cannot respond.

it is “safer” for her to love someone who cannot say they don’t love you back, rather than attempting to facilitate that love and having it rejected. the only person dre has been able to facilitate this with is marissa who did often support her emotionally, so it is a physical drain to her the moment marissa wants to leave and be with khalid, both because she can’t handle dre’s codependency anymore and wants a life outside of her.

but dre is also so wrapped up in marissa, it is not until marissa dies that dre becomes incredibly hypersexual—likely trying to imitate marissa to model after her, not because she actually desires the guys she encounters. she is incredibly averse when men try to objectify her, and does not at all seem to care for their sexual validation outside of the “status” it temporarily gives her, feeling as empowered and in control as she thought marissa was.

despite the fact marissa succumbing to her depression reveals this could have been heavily exaggerated or not true to marissa as a person. marissa was incredibly in love with khalid to the point she felt she could not live without him, and really she herself is this “othered” depiction of mental illness she had been hiding for so long people saw in dre. people saw dre’s symptoms, said she was bad, and that’s what she “became.”

people saw them again, validated the belief that marissa was nothing like her, and so marissa heavily repressed her depression from everyone except dre—and marissa this empathizes with dre’s mental issues because she knows what it feels like. she tries to boosts dre’s confidence, because she knows what it was like to be at her lowest and doesn’t want dre falling to that.

no one would expect khalid’s cheating would be the breaking point—except dre, who couldn’t predict but had reason to think khalid was the direct cause, and not just a contributing factor, just like her need to care for dre, her parents stigma toward mental illness, etc,. in so many ways, marissa was trapped into the high expectations people held her to—so she breaks when she realizes doing all of it was really worth nothing—because khalid did not truly love her. he was likely the only person who was not putting her into this “perfect” box like everyone else, so when she no longer has him, she feels as if the world has given up on her entirely.

dre does not at all comprehend the fact that marissa was very different from who she periceved her as. she is doing whatever she thinks her “cool girl” archetype of marissa would do, trying to capture the feeling of confidence marissa evoked—which dre can only do when copying marissa’s behaviors or supporting ni’jah, as this is dre at her most outspoken. this often falls short, because she can never be marissa, who conditioned herself to behave in such a way that it became natural without feeling awkward.

and back to the biting at the party…i immediately saw the lighting for ni’jah and that was the moment i felt she was being used as a mainly motherly figure, and it was true. dre so deeply craves any sort of maternal intimacy patricia clearly never gave her, so she doesn’t know how to express that appropriately. she has given up on patricia or any sort of older woman in her life being able to nurture her properly, so she forced ni’jah into that role. and when marissa passes, she is of the belief no one can replace her, and therefore refuses to form any meaningful connections to women who are trying to form a space of security for her.

however—i feel the detective portion is way too long, and as a result the episode relies way too heavily on social media as compared to how initially the show would do it to only where needed. it was better when social media was used only as an agent for dre’s killings + showing how the loss of marissa has gotten so hard on her, she behaves as if marissa is still alive and lets it run her entire life.

too much is heard about the detective’s life, and i feel it could’ve been better to introduce her to the plot briefly, reduce those “aha” clips to local news articles, and do a sort of pulp fiction thing where she appears slowly (like the antagonists) but her role becomes more frequent.

but i so appreciate that they have a black woman in the criminal justice system who can easier empathize with the intersection between mental illness + dre never feeling like the “normal” black girl in an affluent community people thought marissa was, which highlights all the more why dre’s entire personality after marissa’s death is molded after her so incredibly quick, and in little increments throughout the season even when she’s playing more of a “damsel in distress” to get others to believe through her fashion choices.

however i think the portion with patricia’s interview is vital to giving more info on dre, as is the girl dre stabbed when they were kids. in general we are introduced to new characters way too quickly, whereas it fell seamlessly into place in previous episodes. but the underlying concept is very well done and the strongest parts of the episode are patricia’s interview.

#swarm 2023 #tv shows #television

[sonderrow]

Archer is a case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is not just having self centred personality trait. Just like any mental disorder, it doesn’t define one person and has multiple variants. This post will be highlighting and summarizing the NPD symptoms which affect Archer’s case in particular. Fun fact: I didn’t wrote Archer thinking he had such a disorder… but he fitted the bill to an A. Last edit XX/XXXX.

CAUSE.

Archer’s NPD most likely comes from an environmental cause. Which comes as a mix of the following:

     An oversensitive temperament at birth. Which is the root of Archer’s depression as a child, which was never taken cared of and left scars.      Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback as well as being praised for perceived exceptional looks or abilities by adults and overindulgence or overvaluation by one’s entourage. Those were constantly given during Archer’s formative years, as he was told to be part, vulgarly speaking, of an Elite group of gifted individuals above the rest of society and, to some extent, the rest of the world. This exaggerated point of view, which was the conclusion of his child self, was never corrected or given nuance.      Excessive praise for good behaviours mixed with excessive criticism for bad behaviours in childhood. Drew Archer’s judgement to be black and white, and see mistakes as things you couldn’t live with and brought great shame on every part of your character. This greatly affected him as a child.      Severe emotional abuse in childhood and unpredictable/unreliable caregiving from parents. Archer’s parents were extremely practical, and the same was for the reason of his birth; not out of love, but out of social expectations and the need for a successor. Archer being treated like an adult at as young as seven years old didn’t help. Very soon, he was heavily exposed to sex out of abuse and not love, money made not out of survival but greed among other things. On top of this, he was never given careful parental love, such as hugs and kisses. Only, as said earlier, overdone praise and criticism on top of being drowned in impossible expectations.      Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem. Sadly self explanatory.

HEALTH.

Narcissists shows a high rate of comorbidity with other conditions such as depression and substance use disorders, especially cocaine. Even when they do not show signs of being overly depressed, narcissists can become unexpectedly suicidal and act very dangerously, injuring themselves.

TYPE.

Archer fits two types of narcissism, as psychologists suggest different subtypes of the disorder.

     Unprincipled narcissism. Deficient conscience; unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal, fraudulent, deceptive, arrogant, exploitive; a con artist and charlatan; dominating, contemptuous, vindictive.       Amorous narcissist.  Sexually seductive, enticing, beguiling, tantalizing; glib and clever; disinclined to real intimacy; indulges hedonistic desires; bewitches and inveigles others; pathological lying and swindling. Tends to have many affairs, often with exotic partners.

NARCISSISM AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

Archer having a very low self-esteem doesn’t mean he isn’t narcissistic, aka loves himself. The narcissistic love he expresses towards himself is different from liking your traits and accomplishments. It means that Archer sees himself as superior to others through achievements which often actually have nothing to do with other people’s ambitions. The feeling of being privileged, lucky and unique. Which puts him into great distress when he is put with the reality that he is not the protagonist of the universe. At the core of NPD itself, those suffering from it actually have an extremely low self-esteem.

ANTISOCIAL.

To see others as under him, a narcissist will exhibit an antisocial behaviour. They will show arrogance and be uncooperative when asked to take a path they didn’t choose. They are disloyal, shifting to the winning side or their own.

They are deceptive and exploitative. Using others doesn’t faze them if it is for their own ambition. Narcissists will not mind doing so as they lack empathy towards others. They only see and mind themselves, unless prompted so. It was shown that, when suggested to put themselves in another person’s place and witnessing key events, narcissists would empathize more with another person.

In the particular case of Archer, with his personal life events, he quickly and is often attempting to soften himself to others’ situations by putting himself in their shoes. However, this doesn’t help his judgement a whole lot, as he happens to overdo the what if I was in their place thing and… not do something entirely appropriate about it, or interpret the situation in a twisted way. Influenced by certain people important in his life, there is the will to try, but this includes fighting the constant contradiction with his condition, which defines key traits in his character. It is extremely difficult, as fighting your core being only because of suggestions from certain people that just maybe you’re not as great as you think while always believing you’re right is as struggling as it sounds.

ATTACHMENT & LOVE.

A narcissist will inherently have toxic leaning relationships as they are very self centred, egoistical, etc. They enjoy the power and control from their partner more than the company itself. They put blame on others and constantly have an ulterior motive, creating relationships as a mean to an end. A narcissist doesn’t want to grow as a person, change themselves or be accountable for anything. They know exactly what they want to fill from another person and that is all they want. The second the other individual will show signs of demands or negative feedback towards a narcissist, they backslash and/or will end the ties to find another person. They do not wish for compromise and, when confronted by this, tend to stray and more prone to cheating to an extent.

However, it is possible for a narcissist to feel very strongly for someone, emotionally. That when they mean they love someone, they are not inherently lying. However, since they often pair themselves with someone they admire, they have this perfect view of them which is very fragile, and prone to complications when broken. As narcissists have whole of personal unsolved issues, they tend to take the destructive solution to their problems.

It could be said that narcissists lust for someone and doesn’t really love them. And, to live full, true love, they need to not be narcissistic?

CURE.

Like certain disorders, NPD can be treated through therapy and with the help of certain antidepressants, antipsychotics and/or mood stabilizers.

There exists two types of psychological approach for NPD. “In Kernberg’s approach, the job of the therapist is to actively interpret the patient’s narcissistic defenses while at the same time illuminating the patient’s negative transferences. Kernberg believed that the end goal of therapy was to eradicate or diminish the patient’s pathologic grandiose self through direct confrontation. By contrast, Kohut advocated a more empathic approach, with the therapist actually encouraging the patient’s grandiosity and promoting the development of idealization in the transference. Kohut’s end goal was to bolster the patient’s inherently deficient self-structure.”

As seeking therapy is to admit something is amidst and that you need help, it contradicts the narcissistic personality, making numerous narcissists untreated, denying they are and/or taking therapy as an insult. To admit they think they are above everyone, that they are wrong, is a hard blow.

References: x x x x x x x

#.kessler ( headcanon )

[lizmindpalace]

Blood and Crime

Summary: A new and unusual murderer will make Sherlock change in ways he would have never expected.

Warnings: In this work there will be eventual explicit content, graphic depictions of violence, there may be a lot of triggers such as anxiety, depression, paranoid, mental illness, murder, suicidal tendencies, horror, very toxic relationships, manipulation, sexual innuendoes, gore, lots of blood, nightmares, fantasy and vampires.

You can find it also on AO3.

Chapter 5- Client

It was early in the morning, around ten. John was sorting everything out because that day he was going back to work and afterwards, he would bring his child home, Sherlock didn't show up in the living room before midday lately, which was not a surprise for the doctor, his friend had always had unfathomable manners and one more of those would not be reason enough to produce the wrath the others didn't. Besides, lately he felt a new feeling towards his flatmate, some kind of devotion that prevented him from standing against his wishes, and in addition the weakness that did not leave him alone, his will was gone and would not start a fight with Sherlock for anything. 

The bell ringed a couple of times and he was surprised Mrs. Hudson wasn't making a big deal about it.  A third call made him go downstairs and open the door that allowed to enter the wind that revolved the brown hair of a young lady, pale and scared that sought shelter in her coat and the black beret she was wearing, that failed at protect her from the bad weather. 

"Is this mister Holmes?"

"Come in" John smiled and step aside so the young woman could go upstairs as he had indicated. 

"Oh, mister Holmes you are very kind" the young woman thanked for the cup that contained a warm liquid that was working properly and bringing her usual heat back. 

"Oh, no, actually..."

"Me, I am Mister Holmes" Sherlock smiled, although it was not courtesy the feeling that had driven the foresaid gesture but a completely different emotion, at which John rolled his eyes. Sherlock took the woman's hand between his and squeezed it, the doctor could not be more shocked. Sherlock would always avoid physical interactions with people, at least as long  as they were living people.  "Please, call me Sherlock". 

"How can we help you?" John had taken a little notebook so he could write down the details he would need to recall later if he decided it was a case worth of exposing in his blog.

"Yes, miss Thomas, what's the purpose of your visitation?"

John frowned and the young woman stared in awe at him, she had heard of his abilities but he did not know he was that good.

"I do not meant to insult you, but your university ID sticks out of your coat's pocket". 

The girl's cheeks reddened. 

"Of course, how silly, I..."

"This is not a hospital". The fake cordiality of the detective soon turned into his usual harshness.

"Sherlock..." John attempted and failed. 

"How?..."

"No, please" Sherlock got closer to the girl, who was still sat on the clients' chair, and kneeled before her. "Nervousness, scared, pale, but no real symptoms... hypochondriac". 

"I think someone is following me" the woman whispered, she was afraid the wind would hear and convey it to her harasser or the fact of saying what she thought out loud would make his nightmare true. Her eyes turned the colour of blood and glistened with tears, she was trying to hold back. 

"I noticed it some days ago, it was heavily raining as has been in recent days, I looked out of the window and I saw a still shadow in the front of the street, I could not describe it, it was dark and somehow I can't recall it, yet I can tell there was something in his eyes that made him stood out in the dusk. And I've been scared of him ever since. He comes at night and murmurs something I cannot remember and then I black out. That has happened for several nights, and once I wake up I'm so tired and weak, I am not able to do a single thing. I have even trouble breathing, it's like air was heavy". 

"That's no proof, dear and provides us no further information than the fact you have a vivid imagination and that you probably have anemia, perhaps you should be careful about what you eat, you are what you eat, you know, you should be healthier, breakfast at school is not the best... maybe you need holidays, yes I think you're suffering from stress due to your studies, don't you think, John?"

 "It was not my imagination mister... Sherlock".

"You don't have proof". 

"I have this" the girl unbuttoned her coat and slightly uncovered her pale neck, two little red spots could be barely perceived along the jugular.  Sherlock looked at her and the woman could notice the man was failing at hiding a beam, that made his sharp cheekbones to stand out on his face, she did not understand what was so funny to him. 

"Some kind of insect, a spider, that does not prove anything, or what? Are you telling me your stalker got in your house and just pricked you with a needle? Well he doesn't sound very dangerous". 

John had been paying attention to the little story of the frightened woman, it had some similarities to the nightmares he had had over the last couple of weeks, and was now wondering if they had the same source, he had not checked his body, but as soon as the new client left, he would undergo a examination, maybe an insect was actually spreading a virus.

"You must believe me, mister Holmes... Sherlock".

"You expect me to believe in some sort of fairy tale, pathetic. I'm sorry John but I'm not this stupid. You can leave whenever you feel like it, and I suggest as soon as possible since the night is coming and you might find hard to bear with it". 

"Sherlock, we know it is a unhinged man, that does weird stuff, an obsessive, you know better than anyone what he is capable of, why don't you listen to her? We could gather more information in her house".

After some minutes of thinking through it, the detective agreed, thanks to the pressure of John's pleading look. 

"Alright, I think this plan could work".

Sherlock Holmes had sent the young woman back home and indicated her to do what she would normally, in her routine, as in any other autumn day, so the woman went back to school, the next day they would have some answers, if as she claimed there was a real stalker, that unhinged stalker chasing her. 

"So how do we help her?"

"Albany street, we'll get there before the sunset and we'll hide in her flat"

"How the he-"

"Her ID, John!" Sherlock rolled his eyes at him and went back to his bedroom, just after he warned his friend. "We will leave at six". 

John got back to Baker Street just in time for the appointment, it was three minutes before the clock would struck six and the weather was cold enough to paralyse anyon'es muscles; in the flat there was no sound except for the clock in the hall ticking the seconds and the darkness had taken over the ambience, the electricity was not working and the light from the lamp posts outside was useless, John was afraid of breaking that dreadful environment with the sound of his breath.

"Sherlock?"

The main door opened, Sherlock had been out too. 

"John, it's time".

Both of them walked in complete silence through the streets of London, Sherlock had an alert look on his face and was looking around often, but their only companion was coldness, and a group of rats that seemed to follow them at a meaningful distance as if they were escorting them. A street away from the flat, at St. George's cathedral, Sherlock stopped and observed the place, filled with dead leaves that creaked under his feet, John could tell that the detective perceived some kind of link between their adventure and the aforementioned place, maybe he suspected it served the stalker for shelter needs after his nocturnal hunt, an unhinged he remembered. He noticed the detective wanted to go inside, nevertheless, he looked at the watch in his wrist and resumed walking towards their destination.

The building was ancient but trim, made with white stones and bricks, it would be hard to go in, yet they climbed the back part of the building until they reached the little flat in the second floor, just as Sherlock had calculated, the girl was not home yet, but around nine in the evening, and that would give them enough time to find a spot that would serve as shelter, in other words, the spacious wardrobe with blinds in the wooden doors where they hid.

-

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You can read the finished work in Spanish on Wattpad.

#sherlock #sherlock holmes #vampirelock #vamplock #vamp!lock #fanfiction #vampires #horror #sherlock bbc #bcc sherlock #benedict cumberbatch #sherlock x reader #sort of #johnlock #gore #sherlock fanfiction #lmp:sherlock #lmp:ff #dracula daily #sherlock holmes x reader #benedict cumberbatch x reader

[bandofchimeras]

hey dude, sorry not trying to be an ass w this but I saw u had a post where in the tags you used delusional and narcissist as pretty derogatory insults towards the govt. Bashing the government is good and great but using terms that we (at least currently) need to describe mental illness (and definitely associate with it!)... in ways like that... its ableist and dehumanizing and leads to more abuse, even if it feels innocent, because if everyone who's a narc or who's delusional is dangerous....that's everyone w/ npd, or a schizospec disorder, or any other things.

Sorry this is long, and again, not trying to be rude! Just wanted to inform you and ask that you maybe be a little more careful with word choice in the future :)

hey anon, yeah thanks for your concern. I do understand the movement to change language usage around mental illness and destigmatize. And it is well intentioned.

Unfortunately, narcissistic and delusional are still pretty generally derogatory words. A person with NPD may not cause harm simply by virtue of having the diagnosis but we all agree narcissism itself isn't a fun cool trait to have. Delusions are obscurations of reality.

We still say manic, depressed, obsessive, etc in both outright negative ways and descriptive but not morally loaded ways. to me it's just part of language, and the ethics of most derogatory language does depend on who's using it.

I'm absolutely behind not calling everyone who sucks a narcissist. and would like people to stop saying "I'm being OCD" or "that's so bipolar," "he's a schizo" and so on. The "delulu" trend online is weird and fetishizes mentally ill people.

For context: I am a person with a narcissistic tendency, due to my childhood. My life has been a long train of psych symptoms... delusions of grandeur, maladaptive daydreaming, hallucinations, psychosis, derealization, depersonalization, dissociative identity states. psychology is one of my longest hyperfixations simply because I needed to understand my experience. it's been helpful and unhelpful in different ways. Pathologization is a phenomen that can't be understood separately from language, culture, history, and violence.

And yet I don't really have a problem with calling things crazy, insane, or batshit. in fact I find power in redefining and playing with these terms. I've been called crazy in a demeaning, invalidating way. And yeah, I'm a lil crizazy, a bit unhinged one might say. But if a motherfucker calls me crazy to invaldiate my argument, I instantly know they've lost. They're being weak, and abusive. It will also piss me the fuck off. I may want to show them what "crazy" looks like. The better angels of my nature will whisper "keep your head."

With the movement to neutralize mental health terms, what's always confused me is the understanding of language itself. I experience words autistically - they have multiple overlapping meanings all the time. Words are like composite images composed of billions of instances of use, fluttering and evolving as they are spoken and written. Vernacular is messy, sputtering and ever changing. Therefore words carry a multitude of connotations. When different people say them in different contexts you can see and hear different implications.

So, I really don't care if a dude at work says "that's fuckin insane bro" ...to a gnarly kickflip. Or a devastating news article. Insane delineates the magnitude of his emotion. It's out of bounds. Something normies and straights would try to contain, institutionalize, label. Christ, that's juicy. It's why I adore skater boy lingo and teen slang. It's careless and crunchy.

English itself, especially corporate and institutional English, can be a strict, bland, and often abusive language. My fellow autistic homies tend to enjoy a rousing jaunt down into the annals of historical parlance for our everyday linguistic transactions because it's fucking boring, the clinical way we are expected to speak here and now.

So therefore: thanks for your message calling attention to my words and their impact.

There are deeper better more poetic words to call the government and frankly I believe the best ones might be found in other languages.

All in all, you're right that "narcissistic" and "delusional" are not the most accurate, potent words to describe the US government. How to convey the twisted, detached from reality, spirit of that entity best in language, though, I need to expand the lexicon. Maybe using these words is cheap. Maybe it covers over the intentionality and corruption at play.

So I'm going to open this up to some language play - and ask you, anon, and anyone else what words can we find to convey the negative meaning of delusional (detached from truth) and narcissistic (inverted and self concerned to the point of dysfunction), in English? or in another language?

I hope you can take this in good faith not as a deflection but really engaging with your ask.

Being language corrected can trigger my harshest defenses. I can feel in my body all the times someone has punished, invalidated, dismissed something I've said because of using "uncivil" or foul or imperfect language. In general, trying to conform to correct ideological forms of language is like, major wretched, dude.

Hell my dorky ass disingenuous nerd of a brother yesterday called a message I sent the family group chat about Palestine "blasphemous" because I said " my god" and used it as an excuse to delete every impassioned exchange we had so the "children wouldn't see," - him be racist, cough. can't make this shit up.

But that's my background. Catholicism is a mental illness. (Sorry in advance to all mental illness havers for associating you with Catholics)

#anon #language #psychology #this is also a recent change for me so its cool if anyone wants to call hypocrisy #a long road to unembodying the social justice warrior archetype of ultracorrective speech policing #which doesnt mean “freeze peach” #but rather #people are gonna say shit man #and you can tell what they mean by it #and educating people on the history of words wont change a spiteful hateful intent #i believe anon is well intentioned tho #destigmatize mental illness #but id rather energy be put towards fighting material and medical abuse in thr systems

[maureenalipio]

What's going on lately... (Part 2)

As we go along with life, you will never run out of problems, heartbreaks, and disappointments. There was this book that I read in which the author says to never wish a life that has no problems. It's not always that you will only go through ups. You MUST have downs, with that said this will make you stronger like a rock that turns into a diamond. Avoiding problems will also take you to more problems and it would cause a lot in your mental health.

I've been through a heartbreak/huge disappointment recently to a specific bond with this person. I met this person at my first job, he was my leader. I had a huge crush on him and we got close to a point that I didn't realized I was too attached already. He is a good person a good friend. We had a lot of memories during the time that I was still working with him. Suddenly, I didn't notice that I was falling. At the time we were both struggling with our own lives, there was this one time, that I went by to his house because I didn't know what to do anymore, I was about to end my life. I thought about going to him maybe he could help me, and he showed up. I was struggling about my role as a trainer and having problems at home at the same time. He was there to lift me up though he was at his low point at that time as well, I really admired him for this. We always go out to eat and talk about everything we can talk about. I've known him as a person who doesn't go with this colleagues for outside shift shenanigans'. Until such day, his new team had grew into a circle of friends. His team calls me "Mimau" like Mommy Mau, and I felt considered and belonged. At my part I was also glad because I actually do not have an actual group of people at the office. I only go to work and focus on what I should do and the same goes for him, he opened up and said "Nilabas niyo ang kulit ko" and it was so good to hear. We had this like deal that we're here for each other and I felt safe whenever I was with him, like in a rainy day in my car at Antipolo City while eating ice cream and talk about our lives or going on an arcade at a mall at his place. He loved that place. I listened to his funny stories, wisdom, and rants, and I always loved that. The simple things we do, was really treasurable for me. I really loved the feeling of taking care of him, and it wasn't a big deal for me.

Until such time that things got quite complicated, I hear a lot of bad things about him that makes me wonder if it was really true. At that point as well, I was going through some symptoms of depression and anxiety due to what's happening on my workplace and family problems. Part of it about him as well, it really adds up to my anxiety that caused me to overthink. I was never an overthinker before, but it just so happens that I turned to be one. I left my job, and I still get in touch with him but I still hear a lot of things that I can't believe. I still try to give the benefit of the doubt and try to protect him still, and one thing that people always tell me, "Get over him". I reassessed all over the things we had, and asked myself why do I need to get over him, and I slowly came to realize that I was really attached to this person, and was all blinded and neglected all the warning signs from this person. I know for a fact that he also has his reason why things happen on his part, and I was just really disappointed because he made me believe that he was all different from anyone else. I really looked up to him. I was though inspired to this person. That's when I learned that to never expect and you must only believe them when they actually practiced what they preached. People ain't perfect you know, but the fact that they made you believe that they are like this and all that, it would lead you to HUGE disappointments. I also learned to care less than I used to, and I wanted to think of myself even more.

I came to decide, to cut him off for a moment. I wasn't angry at him at all. I just needed to remove the attachment that I had with this person. Which was a huge mistake for me to get attached. It was so hard for me because in a span of a year and a half, I was there for him and now I have to slowly delete the cycle in my mind of this person whom I still don't know if it's true if he really did cared for me. I poured out all my courage and strength to say all the things that I wanted and the last message he replied struck me the most, "Go take your time to redeem yourself". I felt like he didn't want me to go, but I feel like I must do this for me. I felt like this is not good anymore. It was so heartbreaking that even at work or even walking on a sunny day, I randomly cry. I isolated myself from people because I am slowly becoming a monster and a toxic person, I became this person who passes negative energy, and at that point people were avoiding me and worst I loss some people. I became the person who I said I am not going to be. There was also one instance at work that I requested to switch mentors during my training because the way my mentor coaches reminds me of him in which makes me distracted and never really learn the work that I needed to do, it gave me a lot of anxiety as well. I felt bad because he was a really good mentor but I need to focus since I am eager to get certified at this company because it supplies my health needs. The good thing was he really appreciated me for opening up and for being honest. Now we are close friends, and she's my "yosi buddy".

In a span of time, I still have this symptom of depression and anxiety. I felt like everything was useless and going to work and taking a shower or even waking up feels like a chore. I was also isolating myself and was so quiet that I wanted to hurt myself again. I've had a lot of intrusive thoughts that my body is shivering and having a hard time going to sleep. There was this time that I couldn't sleep for almost a week and my body and brain still works actively. Until such time that I decided to get myself checked because it's already affecting my physical health, funny enough that I took a major in psychology and it happens that I will be an outpatient to an institution that I've dreamt of applying for an on-the-job training back in college. I consulted with a psychiatrist and figured out that I had this depression that wasn't clearly treated and now Bipolar symptoms were also occurring. I really had high temper and low patience as I observed. I always burst out of the blue and sometimes I go through a dark state in which I have the potential to hurt myself again. I've been like this since 2017, but never really had the guts to seek help. In the Philippines, mental health isn't really treated as though it's also a medical condition. They see it as a hoax or "pag-iinarte". They see mental health conditions visible in which if the individual is already like talking to himself or dancing around in public naked all in dirt for example. My family is not really a believer in mental health problems, in fact one time in 2017, I was rushed to the emergency room because I was hyperventilating and trembling. The doctor on duty advised to consult with a psychiatrist. My parents mocked me and laughed at me as if I'm just acting up. At that point, I never really opened up to my parents till then. It was really hard for me because no one understands you, your friends were there to listen but they don't actually understood as well. Now that I have the guts and I didn't bothered anymore to what people might say or think because I know that this is for my own sake. I was also struck to this generation that mental health is finally acknowledged but sadly, due to scarcity of facilities and specialists, treatments are very expensive and limited here in the Philippines.

Now, I am taking medical prescriptions like mood stabilizers and anti-depressants which are very expensive and I've been helping myself by reading self-help books that actually calms my mind and I really learn a lot of things! I was also glad that I've tried to seek help to my current company I'm in about my current condition and they are here to give options to help me without getting anything out of your pocket. I am very grateful that I am in a better place, and I want to keep in mind that there are things that I couldn't control and I only want to focus and appreciate the things that I have right now. My friends, my mom, my brother, and my cats. Some things may go or must need to let go for the better and it will actually turn out as a huge lesson for us. I am still on the process of moving on and gaining strength, I go out with friends and family from time to time, go on me-time dates and eat at restaurants that are part of my bucket lists. Though I still get relapses and kind of miss the person, and I still have this hope to see him again soon, but surely by that time, I will make sure that I am stronger and already healed. I hope he does too on his silent battles.

One thing that people must know that mental health matters and it is something that also needs attention just as the same with any other medical conditions. You may see people who functions well but you wouldn't really know what they are actually going through. So to anyone as well that might need to seek professional help but hesitant because of what other people might say or think, do it if there's a chance. It's for your own good. Help yourself and speak now before it's too late. Also, for everyone who is lucky enough for not having to go through this, let me tell you this, everyone has their battles to deal with, be fuckin' nice.

#mental health

[snifflesthemouse]

Harry’s the Problem. His wife is the symptom. He is the real Diana 2.0 Wannabe...

         Since the Oprah interview aired, my whole perspective regarding the spare and his spouse has shifted. It would seem that I’m not alone in my thought process as more and more media outlets start reporting similar stances. Just recently, there was an article suggesting Harry didn’t change; but rather, he is only finally revealing his true self. The more I think about it all, the more I’ve come to the realization #6 is the real culprit behind everything.

         I’m not saying that his wife doesn’t have her own agenda or shares responsibility for her part in all this. Her hands are far from clean. What I am saying is it’s finally time for all of us to consider the cold, hard truth. Harry is his mother’s child. Harry is the bad egg, and his wife is only a side effect of the real problem here.

         Had it not been for the Oprah interview, I would have never put it all together. The problem with oversharing is too much information gets put out in the public. Most assume PR firms would worry about oversaturation in the press, but the real problem comes from personal interviews they cannot control in real-time. Puff pieces can be edited before publishing so facts and statements align; live interviews cannot. Over time, one of two patterns form from this oversaturation. Consistencies, repetitions, and similarities can be found in oversaturated truth-telling. Inconsistencies, changes, and huge differences result from those like Harry who prefer their trousers scorching hot from bursting into flames from deception. When you consistently lie, the only constant is the inconsistencies. 

         Now, those of us who have been following these two already know by now inconsistencies and changing stories should be expected. But the Oprah interview really highlighted some interesting things I had previously missed. The interview with Dax Shephard only solidifies my theories. Up until lately, those two have been together through most everything. Very seldom have we seen Harry alone in an interview or speech. There’s never a time where the missus isn’t popping up. James Corden proved that. Then we have the Oprah interview where she was supposed to be the star of the show. But, that was the moment it all changed. That interview was the moment she became the understudy. 

          Think about it. Who is the one being used in the media lately? Most people would suggest that the impending delivery of child number dos is why the missus is absent. One would then argue the Apple + special with Oprah started production well before the second child was a topic for discussion. The missus is being used less and less on camera or in the media. Everything is all about Harry. Forget about when Harry met Sally; Harry Met Hollywood! 

         Harry is the one doing the interviews, dropping projects, and talking with big Hollywood names. Even their announced Netflix projects are focused on one of Harry’s pre-married concepts. All the wife has going for her is a book that’s only number one in the “Books written by ex-Royals who couldn’t hack it” category. Seriously though, as of this posting the Bench is #2130 on the Amazon Books list, #12 in Children’s Black and African American Story Books, #73 in Children’s Emotions Books, and #167 in Children’s Family Life Books. Being pregnant isn’t a disqualifier for being interviewed. But, apparently being just the wife is.

         So, if it was his wife’s plan from the beginning to marry Harry, get him to abandon his family, move to California, and become a big star with a Prince for a husband, her plans have been ruined. And if you think about what she said in the interview with Oprah, you can actually see the moments she told us all exactly that. She clearly tells Oprah Harry was her direct link and source to the Royal Family and everything she needed to know. She didn’t misspeak or misunderstand a thing; she was telling us that Harry’s next to be markled. In every weird answer or revelation where she gave her versions for why their child(ren) were without title, saying they wed three days before the chapel, or having to cry out to HR since Harry failed to help her while she was so depressed she wanted to kill herself and her unborn child... all of it. It was all just the beginning. It may seem like she is attacking her husband’s family, but Harry’s the real target now.

          In just a couple sentences, she managed to reveal who Harry really was. Harry, of all people, should (and does) know how to navigate the press. Clearly, he failed to not only help her acclimate to Royal life, but it could also even be argued he set her up for failure for the get go. Let me give you an example. When my husband introduced me to his family for the first time, he told me little tidbits of information he found important for me to know. He essentially prepped me for the meeting so things went well. He wanted his family to like me because he loved me. I wanted them to like me because I loved him, too. So, I took to heart everything he told me. Yet, Harry’s wife shared with the world how little Harry cared about that. She credits Fergie with teaching her to curtsey, google for teaching her the National Anthem, and even said Her Majesty made her feel especially welcomed. So how did Harry not do more? If they started seeing one another in the early Summer of 2016, how is it Harry failed to teach or explain anything to her prior to meeting his grandmother, the Queen, when he had months and months of time to do so? How is it he failed his wife so miserably, she didn’t even understand basic UK custom, laws, or protocols? Why might you ask?

         Simply put, Harry is so much like his mother, all he knows is how to play the victim narrative while using the link to the Royal family as a nonstop ATM machine. Many people aren’t honest with themselves when it comes to Diana. She wasn’t the Mother Theresa everyone makes her out to be. Mother Theresa wasn’t a Mother Theresa either, though. Did Diana do some great things? Absolutely. Did she do them only because they were nice or great? Absolutely… not. Diana’s PR team would even have her switch up her charity causes whenever they felt it was getting to martyrdom level. They’d refer to her PR stunts as flavors. Does that sound like an innocent woman?

         Not to me. This whole time we all have seen his wife as the root of all issues, but she’s the side effect. It’s becoming more clear by the day that Harry searched out her. He wanted someone with the basic Hollywood connections that he could capitalize. Someone that seemed so controlling and ambitious it would be easy to believe they were controlling him, too. Of course he knew she would invite all the celebs she did. He probably inspired that guest list. Instead of guiding her in the press and in British society, he leads her to slaughter. He hides behind her repeated gaffes and wokeness to keep on his own mission.

         You see, Harry is obsessed with his brother eventually becoming king, being the “Second Son of Diana” and being the misfit. He is obsessed with his brother and father. They are all he talks about. When you obsess on something like that, it is more revealing than anything you say. Harry’s true motives aren’t protecting his wife and children. His real motive is making a name for himself like his mother did. If he can manage to get some revenge by making the Firm feel some backlash, hey that’s a bonus. 

         While his wife may think in her mind she will be the next Diana 2.0, the truth is we all missed who really will be. Harry is the one wanting to be Diana 2.0. If that’s the case, then that means the much older spouse for whom there are two children with, aka the wife, would be his Charles. Remember, Diana lost her HRH and titles. And we have Harry being very aggressive and pushy, to the point it seems he is trying to get ahead of a Palace announcement of them losing their titles. But it makes sense now.

         They aren’t trying to lose anything, but instead Harry keeps opening his mouth to create pressure in the media. He knows his wife does not want to give those titles back. But if he himself keeps saying outrageous things, then it would put everyone in ultimatum mode. Either Harry will push hard enough that Parliament and the Queen will have enough, or the press will get so critical of the two, Harry will push his wife to agree to returning the titles.

         Harry is following the Diana business model. While in the Royal Family, they both were seen as rock stars who had more star power the the Sovereign, which was an issue. Then, they couldn’t take all the abuse, coldness, and inhumanity, so they bolted for freedom. Instead of putting the past behind them, they use the past to monetize grief and trauma in such a way, they become their own brand. Right now, the trauma being monetized comes from the past, but the problem will soon come when that trauma is tapped out. He will need a source of new pain or victimhood. Enters the wife stage left.

          The wife is a tool. She of course has her own plans and thinks she is the one in control or the genius. She thinks she is the one everyone wants to work with. But it’s becoming clear to her that isn’t the case and she’s been played by her elite buddies. They all want him, not her. They all duped her for him. If I can see it, and I can see her already finger pointing that Harry is the failure here, then she can see it. And that means paradise will soon be lost in those Montecito hills. His wife won’t go down without a serious fight here. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she eventually causes him to lose his special visa. 

         Overall, Harry hides behind his wife like a beard or shield protecting him from the press’s glaring lens. He lets her do and say whatever she thinks is great so he can keep plotting his own plans. He allows her to take the fall, look stupid, pull stunts people can see through, etc. for a reason. He isn’t completely sure he can make it in his new California life. He knows he can’t if he keeps her for too long, but he also knows he needs an exit strategy in case it blows up. So, he pins the press to attack her as the true culprit. If they split and he has to, he can return home and play the victim of her. If they split and he is doing okay in Hollywood, she can be the reason he plays victim to big named people like Oprah and Gayle. 

         I can see it now. An Oprah Special with Harry tonight on Apple +. Something cheesy or corny that is almost plagiarism. Like Narcissus and the Prince or something. Watch. Mark my words. Oprah talking to Harry about surviving the marriage while trying to rescue two small kids, being in the spotlight as a Royal while being gaslit by a narcissistic wife… yes I can see the green screen set up now.

         I know this is difficult to digest, but I do ask you to try. While his wife is not innocent, she clearly is guilty for her own part indeed, his wife isn’t the true problem. The true problem here is a man who has a serious issue with living in the shadow of his future-King father and future-King brother, and his future-King nephew, that he has chosen to use the same exact attack model his own mother used to merch and marginally disrupt the institution that made her a star. Harry and his mother both wanted the entire spotlight, but both knew they could never have it the way they wanted it. So, they wrote their own victimhood narrative.

         And here we are now. Mark my words. Harry will keep pushing until those remaining titles are removed by them forcing the hands of Parliament and the Queen. Or, they’ll push and push in the press so much the outrage and hypocrisy will leave them no other option but to renounce and re-gift those titles and rights to the line of succession. That is what he wants, even if his missus doesn’t. Also make no mistake about it. Harry is the real Diana 2.0 wannabe, not his wife. Keep an eye out. I have this gnawing feeling that soon enough, there will be plenty leaks from the wife about the husband. She won’t go quietly into the Beverly Hills… but neither will he.

#megxit #6 #harryswife #yankeewally #murky meg #diana2.0

[kaypeace21]

The ‘parentification’ of Jonathan Byers (psych analysis)

“Parentification is defined as the phenomenon where children take caregiving responsibilities (acting as a parent)  for their parents, siblings or other family members, at the expense of their own developmental needs.”

When can parentification occur?

1) After a “Divorce”   

“If there is more than one child in the family, usually the eldest, is “chosen” to be parentified .When a father-figure is missing, it may be the eldest son who is forced to take on his father's responsibilities.”

2) When there’s a “parent with a mental illness “

3)“Parental alcoholism or drug addiction.” (lonnie’s place covered in beer cans could allude to this).

4) “siblings with a mental illness’

5) “Death of a sibling or parent” (  This point is kind of cheating - but the fact Jon as a 15 y old had to plan a funeral, for his little brother instead of either one of his parents just illustrates how he always was forced to do adult duties much too young.)

6) “mothers of low socio-economic status, are frequently associated with parentification of their children. “

“given the fact that there are many single parent families, it falls upon children from some of these homes to carry adult responsibilities while their parent is out working. Often, in these situations, the parent is asking or expecting the child to take on adult responsibilities in their absence. They become the parent of the household in the interim between coming home from school and when the parent returns to the household.”

***TO MAKE THINGS VERY CLEAR: we are NOT hating on Joyce, here! “The harm of parentification is usually done not out of malicious intent. However, when a child who is supposed to go through their natural cycles of development and self- evolution,  is forced to grow up too quickly, there is a cost.” But, Joyce did what she had to do being a poor single mother - she had to work! Even when Lonnie was around- he had debts. And Joyce apologized to Jon for not being around when they were growing up (working since he was 5)- and she even mentioned working Hollidays . But at the end of s1, we see her celebrating Christmas eve with them (showing she’s trying to have a better work life balance for her kids and prioritize them more).  I think Will’s disappearance gave Joyce a wake-up call of sorts about what she values most-her kids.She loves her kids more than anything- and  would never intentionally do any harm. She has to work for all of them to survive and stay together. But it did force Jon to be parent to Will in her absence (especially cause Lonnie even when around wasn’t much help).

And in s3 it’s hinted Joyce plans to be there for her kids on Thanksgiving and Christmas- so she is trying to rectify past behaviors. Ok with that out of the way,  now we can continue...

 Types of Parentification 

“Parentification can either be emotional or instrumental, or both.”

“EMOTIONAL PARENTIFICATION : is when the child becomes a source of constant emotional support to their parent or sibling.Emotional parentification often involves a child or adolescent taking on the role and responsibilities of confidant, secret keeper, or emotional healer for family members.”

“ Parentification can also be the the process of role reversal where a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent. Examples being: Listening to a parent talk about their problems.Serving as a confidante for their parent or providing emotional comfort and support to a parent.”

  “In cases of INSTRUMENTAL PARENTIFICATION: children take on practical responsibilities such as:Taking care of siblings or other relatives because a parent is unable to. Assuming housekeeping duties, such as cleaning, cooking,  grocery shopping. And Paying bills and attending to other household tasks .”

“ It’s good for kids to have responsibilities such as chores around the house or babysitting for a younger sibling. Responsibilities should increase when a child becomes a teenager to prepare them for being on their own eventually. However, when a young child is responsible for , paying the electricity bill, or raising a younger sibling, that is when problems arise.”

“Imagine a child who is bombarded every day with the responsibilities to tuck in sisters or brothers, or read them bedtime stories; organize drinks or food, wash up dishes, pay bills, or a myriad of housework. When burdened with that many responsibilities, self-care tends to go out the window. If the child continues to attend school, they may be withdrawn, unkempt, and visibly exhausted.”

“The effects are worsened and more destructive for the development of the child, the more the care-giving efforts of the child become a normalized expectation.“

 We see this in Joyce berating Jon for not parenting Will, properly (although her being upset was somewhat reasonable). But ,we also see this in how Joyce  says Jonathan has “always been good at taking care of himself.” Assuming Jon is ok, when he’s actually not. While Lonnie simply insults Will saying “he was never good at taking care of himself.”  The difference being Joyce criticizes Jon for not relying on her more. While Lonnie critiques Will for simply acting like a child and not being self-reliant, like Jonathan. Pretty heavily hinting, Lonnie even when around did very little parenting and expected the kids to take care of themselves. And since Will didn’t ‘take care of himself’ - it probably put the load on Jonathan to parent Will (when Joyce wasn’t around, even when Lonnie was physically there).

Consequences of Parentification

“ It is expected that complicated relationship patterns will develop between siblings.  The parentified sibling can often develop a symbiotic, codependent relationship with their siblings.”

“These people are very likely to find themselves in similar relational patterns in adulthood. They believe they must serve, help and rescue everyone in need. As adults, they may find that they have a confused sense of self-identity beyond the helper role. The only way they learned to relate, was through being of service and providing caregiving- so it is extremely possible that they have to be the primary caregivers for their own romantic partners . Since they never learned anything different. “

“ The ‘helper role’ might have dominated their entire being. Their sense of self did not get fully developed before they were needed to care for others, so as a result, they don’t know who they are except when they are doing things for others. “

“Parentified children can become very angry people. Sometimes this adult child may not know why they are angry . They can have explosive anger or passive anger, especially when someone triggers their parental wounds of emotional exploitation.”

“Parentified children inevitably develop a distorted image of what love is supposed to be like, thereby growing up to be quite distrustful of interpersonal relationships overall.Complicated attachment patterns emerge as a result. An avoidant attachment style is not unlikely. In the absence of a nurturing provider of safety and care, the parentified child may have learned to utterly depend on themselves alone- thereby avoiding close bonds and intimacy in adult life.intimacy is both craved for and avoided, both a longing and a great threat. Underneath this facade, they are quite lonely.”

This is similar to Jonathan not having friends, ‘not liking most people’, having ‘trust issues’ caused by Lonnie (that caused distrust of Bob, a father-figure) and simply being afraid to talk to people in general. Or joyce calling out Jonathan saying “you act like you’re all alone in this world. But your not.”

‘They also tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, and constantly try to fix things that cannot be fixed.’

“The child may appear highly capable to tend for themselves and others, very mature for their age, resilient and even wise beyond their years- but they lack the safe haven of a secure attachment figure that is vital for the development of emotional regulation.”

A parentified teenager or younger child may exhibit the following symptoms:

-”Anxiety”

Like... this hurt my soul!  His face dropped the second Nancy left the room.He probably has anxiety but looks up to Joyce for trying to still be a good mom and keep it together. Why he said “WE’LL be okay” cause his mom is  “tough”.  He tries to lead by her example. But unlike Joyce, Jon probably always had to keep it together- even if struggling with similar anxiety issues as Joyce. Because he knew they both couldn’t act that way and “shut down” (for Will’s sake). He always had to put on a fake ‘grown-up’ front and keep the family together and help support Joyce and Will emotionally and finacially . And someone (unintentionally) saying the reason he’s like his mom is not because of her positive traits but because of her mental illness- must have HURT! Especially cause he’s probably already struggling with anxiety-  and maybe even fears acknowledging it. Because he’s supposed to have it ‘all together.’ “The identity of parentified children actually depends on their ability to suppress their needs. Since it is likely that their family already had too many problems to cope with, and so they learned to be quiet, voiceless and without demands. In order to be a ‘proper helper’ .“

And it probably doesn’t help he’s afraid it could escalate into something worse. Because in s1 they mentioned Joyce’s aunt having hallucinations. And jonathan even says to hopper “she used to have anxiety problems. I’m worried it could be ... I don’t know.” So yeah , Nancy saying him and Joyce have the same anxiety problems probably terrified him.

-”Depression”

-”Inability to trust others (we covered that) and or social isolation.”

-”Compulsively overworking in order to fulfill responsibilities at school and at home.”

-”Feelings of guilt and shame.”

“Fortunately, there are many healing processes and routes to wholeness and recovery for a young adult or adult who has been parentified as a child.Acknowledgment of your past is the first step to healing and recovery (via therapy or other means). You have to accept the truth of your story. Because, if you continue to live in denial, your mental energy will be spent in suppressing the pain that was there, rather than healing what needs to be healed. Being highly self-reliant was your only option in your household , but it may be a strategy that no longer works for you. It keeps you in isolation and unable to connect with others. Therefore, challenging yourself to connect with others authentically would also be considered one of the most potent ways to heal. The thoughts, feelings, impressions, and emotions buried within are waiting to be heard, once and for all.  “

Alright, thanks for listening I hope you enjoyed.  I really wanted to do a psych analysis strictly based on what the show presents. Rather than inclusion of the s4 movies. I did mention how those movies did allude to Jonathan’s parentification, here (if interested though). I also didn’t go into the hints in the narrative of Lonnie possibly being s****lly abusive to Jonathan cause it’s a bit more speculative ( I did talk about it in my DID psych analyses pt 1 & pt 2 though). Only mentioning it here, at the end, since one of the causes of parentification is also a parent s****lly ab*sing their kids (quite literally stripping their kids of their entire childhood in every way imaginable- and frankly the worst way possible). Regardless,I think most people neglect Jonathan as a character- and the s4 movies hint we’ll finally get more focus on him in the upcoming seasons. So I wanted to dedicate a post to some of Jonathan’s issues that may get more attention in later seasons.

#jonathan byers #will byers #joyce byers #stranger things

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

THE HAPPINESS GAP

"It’s pretty much a constant": Women are more unhappy than men around the world

For years, researchers have puzzled over a phenomenon known as the “female happiness paradox.” A number of global surveys found that women experience higher levels of life satisfaction than men—but also higher levels of stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions. Meanwhile, a well-known 2009 study found that American women’s self-reported happiness had fallen in the decades since the 1970s, even as the gender equality movement made important strides.

So are women happy or not? A new working paper, from the National Bureau of Economic Research, claims to have solved the paradox. Labor economists David Blanchflower and Alex Bryson analyze global data and conclude that “women are always and everywhere more unhappy than men.”

The authors explain that the female happiness paradox emerged in part because of the types of questions researchers ask. If surveys ask men and women about how satisfied they are with their lives, trends may vary depending on where they live, the year, or even the season. Including controls for other factors besides gender (such as marital status) can also muddy the results; for example, it’s not necessarily clear whether marriage makes people happier, or if happier people are more likely to get married.

By contrast, “if you look at unhappiness metrics—sadness, anxiety, depression, loneliness—women are less happy than men,” says Bryson, a professor of quantitative social science at University College London. “It’s pretty much a constant, and it’s been that way for a long time.” The finding holds across countries and over different time periods.

Now that’s settled! Hurray?

Does sexism impact women’s mental health?

The paper, which has not yet been peer-reviewed, isn’t focused on unpacking the causes behind women’s greater unhappiness. But it’s possible that social expectations that women take on a disproportionate amount of childcare responsibilities and household labor, often in addition to their paid jobs, play a role.

Supporting this theory is the fact that women’s mental health took a greater hit than men’s during the pandemic. In the US, “men had lower levels of anxiety, worried less and were less likely than women to say they were unhappy and depressed in 2020 and 2021,” according to an earlier working paper by Bryson and Blanchflower, a professor of economics at Dartmouth College. They cite the burden that the pandemic placed on mothers as a contributing factor, as well as the fact that women are “more likely to be front-line key workers facing considerable strain at work, and because they have been more likely to be furloughed or otherwise faced disruptions to their labor market participation.”

Living with daily experiences of sexism may take a toll on women’s mental health, too. A 2020 study of 4,688 Czech child-bearing women, for example, found that women who felt impacted by gender discrimination also reported more depressive symptoms.

However, in Bryson’s view, such explanations for women’s greater levels of unhappiness are somewhat speculative. “There are no simple answers to many of these questions,” he says.

He points out, for example, that monthly data show that while women’s happiness fell more sharply than men’s during the pandemic, women’s happiness also rebounded more quickly. Bryson wonders if there could be a relationship between this resilience and research suggesting that female fetuses may be more likely than male fetuses to survive during extreme crises like war and famine.

Why economists care about happiness

Spotting demographic patterns in happiness isn’t just important from a psychological perspective. It matters to economists, too.

“Most economists in the old days were only really interested in how people felt if it provided information about how they behaved”—for example, how workers’ job satisfaction predicted quit rates in the labor market, Bryson explains.

But in the decades since the 1970s, economists have become increasingly interested in subjective well-being in its own right. “Many economists think of well-being as capturing utility—the value of things,” Bryson says. If it does turn out that societal structures are the cause of greater unhappiness among women, perhaps that’s a sign of just how much value gender equality can provide.

#sticker ideas

[egcdeath]

strangers again

summary: “hiiii sweetie!! can i request a steve x reader where he left yn for peggy. but he always felt guilty and missed yn. he would always stare at her pic. when he came back he bumped into yn while she was dropping a kid to daycare. and steve realized it was his son. kinda sad but fluff at the end pls!!!! and oh i super love your works!!! tysm 🌼🥺💕”

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: decent angst, brief mention of a depressive episode, abandonment, somewhat unrealistic behavior

word count: 3.8k

author’s note:  i really hope that this lives up to your expectations but it is a little cheesy. i’d also like to warn that i have not interacted with a child in several years, so.. sorry. (there’s also a lot of exposition so double sorry if that’s not your thing!)

You’d never forget the moment Steve left to return the stones, with the promise to be back in only a matter of moments.

Maybe your definition of a matter of moments was different from his.

You seemed to be the only one without a clue of what Steve truly planned to do, with Bucky only telling you after the matter that Steve was leaving for the past and for Peggy, and probably not coming back.

After finding out, something deep within you broke. You could barely leave your bed for days, you struggled to eat, sleep, even drink water. Every task that used to seem like muscle memory, began to feel like it carried the weight of the world behind it. Every hobby that you once enjoyed becoming empty and bleak.

You constantly felt inadequate. How could you love someone so much, and be told you were loved so much while always being second to someone else?

The simple sentiment of it had left you feeling miserable, and sick to your stomach. Literally. Nearly every morning, and occasionally if you smelled something too strong, you found the contents of your stomach emptied.

You attempted to ignore it at first. Meshed with every other unpleasant symptom you were going through, you’d figured that it was just one more bullet point on the list of things that had been plaguing you. But when your friends insisted that you go check up with your doctor, you had a hard time saying no.

Once you received the results from your blood test, you were completely taken aback by the fact that you were pregnant. You couldn't believe that you hadn’t considered the possibility of pregnancy earlier.

Yet,  after a long and hard period of pondering, you managed to surprise yourself once again after you realized you wanted to keep it.

After all, that could be the only piece of Steve you had left.

----

You began to tell yourself that Steve was dead. That was somehow less painful than the idea that he left you for someone that he barely knew, yet had fallen so hard for nearly 70 years ago. You refused to let yourself fall for anyone else romantically, now that you were aware that anyone had the capacity to leave you at any time, no matter how deep you perceived your relationship to be.

You guarded your heart, and made sure to only let in those that you knew you could trust for a fact. For the remainder of your pregnancy, only your closest family members and friends stood by your side.

About 8 months later, you brought a small, but healthy infant into the world. From that moment on, you promised yourself to become the best version of yourself that you could be. No dwelling on the past, and no yearning for what could’ve been. Your only duty now was to provide the best life possible for your offspring.

So you did.

----

You stood in the kitchen, peeling an orange for your son before he bounded into the room. You turned and gave him a big grin, and he grinned back to you.

“Did you get dressed all by yourself?” You asked him excitedly, receiving a nod in return before he ran up to your leg, and hugged it.

“I did, Mommy!” He looked up at you with his soulful eyes, and you couldn’t help but to feel bombarded with emotion.

Even at the tender age of five, Grant seemed to become a bit more like his father every day. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the sound of his giggle. To the average onlooker, he came across as the same as any other child, but to you, your son was the splitting image of Steve.

“Good work, little man. Now go sit at the table so mommy can finish breakfast, okay?” He didn’t even bother confirming with you before more or less sprinting to the table. You couldn’t help but to ask yourself if your son had obtained all of that energy and speed from his father as well.

Breakfast was over almost as soon as it started, and before you knew it, you were warming up your car after you’d assisted Grant with brushing his teeth.

You were in an oddly nostalgic mood that day, playing music from a time period before you’d even imagined bringing another life into the world. You glanced up at the rearview mirror and watched your son happily bop his head to the beat. You thought in passing about how much of a gift he truly was.

After arriving at his school, you hopped out of the car and over to the furthest seat in the back, where he’d insisted on sitting that day.

“You ready, big guy?” You questioned while reaching out to grab him from the car seat.

“Born ready,” he agreed. You chuckled and shook your head fondly at that while getting him out of the car.

“Who taught you that?”

Grant shrugged, “I came up with it myself.”

“I’m sure. Can you hold my hand while we’re out please?” You reached out for him, and he gladly obliged.

You soon became distracted by a large man across the street, his built figure and light blonde hair making you recall the father of your child. You gave Grant’s hand a light squeeze and continued to approach the door, not being able to help yourself, and glancing over at the man one last time.

Except this time was different. Your eyes locked with the blonde man outside of the coffee shop across the street unexpectedly. Where you once thought casually to yourself that it looked like Steve, you now had confirmation that it was in fact the man who you’d fallen in love with, and found yourself pregnant by.

You audibly gasped, receiving a bit of a questioning look from your child. Your heart dropped as a metric ton of emotions hit you all at once, anger, sadness, confusion. Everything you told yourself you needed to repress, had suddenly come back to you all at once.

Even from a distance, you swore you could see his eyes flit from you to Grant, and the next thing you knew, he was approaching your direction. Looking for an easy out, and a distraction from your rather observant child, you quickly caused a misdirection.

“Grant, is that Stacey over on the playground? You should totally go show her that new version of tag that you were telling me about!”

Your son, ever the speedster, booked it towards the playground, and you let out a sigh of relief. Although, the relief didn’t last long, as just moments later, Steve was almost all the way up to you. As you turned to try to escape, you felt a hand on your arm.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost timidly.

You weren’t even sure what to say. In fact, you didn’t feel like you had control of your own body at this point. “Steve? I-“ You ran a hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip. “You need to go.” The pain that was rushing through you was too much for you to bare, especially considering the man who caused the hurt had suddenly decided to reappear in your life after giving you a world of self doubt and abandonment issues.

Steve seemed hurt by your statement, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to even look at his face. “Please, Y/N, let me explain,” he begged.

“No, Steve. You don’t get that luxury. You left me for someone else, and I guess you got to live a nice, long life with her. You don’t get to just show back up in my life when you get bored, okay? I can’t afford to play those types of games anymore. Now if you’d let me go-“ You attempted to get to your car, but Steve side stepped you.

“It wasn’t like that. You know it isn’t like that.”

“Just fucking leave! You have no idea what this has all been like for me. You had your opportunity to leave, and you gladly took it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and the hell away from my son.” You grabbed the handle of your car door and got in, reeling as you watched a dejected Steve walk away.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you rested your head against the steering wheel. You were feeling way too many emotions to pinpoint exactly how you felt, but you knew that this couldn’t be good.

——

You put a brave face on for your son that day, picking him up from school in a daze, and only half listening to whatever it was that he was telling you.

You felt bad for only being able to nod along to whatever he was saying, and did he just ask you if he could get a dog? Did you just say yes?

You felt like a stranger watching yourself from the outside in. The ghost of the person you’d developed into over the years watching the past version of yourself slip right back into your body, and take over your daily routine through the next few days of your life.

You had an obscene amount of anger that soon dissolved into a deep sadness, and that sadness shorty developed into a morbid curiosity.

You spent an unreasonable, and certainly unhealthy amount of time searching your old lover’s name on tabloid websites and social media, just to see if he’d given a statement on his whereabouts, or a statement about anything at all.

After about day three of your minor internet stalking, you’d had an epiphany while sitting in your office.

You still have Steve’s number saved on your phone.

That was, of course, if it hadn’t changed between now and the years that he’d been off living in the past.

Something about knowing that you were just one text away from him made your heart race with a mixture of nerves and interest. Just one impulsive decision, and you could change the whole trajectory of the rest of your life.

If you got back in contact with Steve, you might not ever be willing to leave him. You refused to make that mistake again.

Until you did.

After reading Grant his nightly bedtime story, then wrapping him tightly in his little bed, you’d decided to treat yourself to a glass of Chardonnay.

It’d been a weird past couple of days. Your time traveling ex had randomly appeared back into your life, your coworkers seemed to get on your nerves a little more every moment you were around them, and Grant had a temper tantrum in the grocery store that afternoon over a chocolate bar, which gained judging stares from customers, and may have made you feel the slightest bit inadequate.

At least that’s what you told yourself as you filled your glass again, because two glasses can’t hurt, and again, since I kinda deserve this extra one, don’t I? The next thing you knew, the bottle was empty, and you were texting Steve for the first time in years.

Y: Is this Steve?

You watched as three white dots hovered on your screen for a moment, disappeared, then came back once again.

S: Is this Y/N?

Y: Yes.

Y: We should tlak

Y: *talk

S: I agree.

Y: So lets

Y: talk

S: I don’t think this is a conversation for texts.

Y: Then call me???????????????????

S: We should talk in person.

Y: Im not gonna do that sober

S: You’re not sober?

Y: do you think id text u sober u big fuckni asshole

S: I guess you’re right

S: So are we gonna talk?

Y: no ur gonna meet me at b cup cafe tomorrow at 10

S: AM or PM?

Y: AM I’m off

S: Are you sure you want to do this?

Y: Say yes before i change my mind

S: I’ll see you there

Y: Bye babydaddy

S: ????

You promptly deleted the messages, tossed your phone somewhere on the sofa, and sunk into the seat. Even in your not-completely-sober state, you already felt the all too familiar sense regret. You dragged the blanket that hung over the top of the sofa over your exhausted body, and closed your eyes, wishing that this was somehow all a dream.

----

It was not all just a dream.

You woke up with dried drool on your chin, and a deep pit of bad feelings and regret in your chest. Of course, you ignored the bad feelings and got ready, business as usual. You successfully dropped Grant off at school with little complications, and found yourself perking up a bit more.

Yet, something still felt slightly off. You reached into the passenger seat for your phone, and as you looked down on it, saw the familiar notification of a calendar event.  

10:00 AM b cup coff w Steeb

You groaned out loud at this. There was no obligation for you to go meet with him, but perhaps going and talking to Steve would bring you some sort of closure. Maybe then you could move on with your life, get with a nice guy who would mean it when he tells you he won't leave you, who loves Grant like he’s his own biological offspring, and to take care of the both of you through thick and thin.

You gladly daydreamed of this fantasy man while driving to the shop, but you couldn’t help but to see Steve’s face doing all of the aforementioned things. Before you even fell pregnant, that’s what you’d truly wanted with Steve. To be a family. To have your definition of home be with your people, rather than a place.

Entering the coffee shop, you briefly ordered your drink before looking around and find Steve sitting alone in a booth, mindlessly stirring around the liquid in his cup.

Timidly, you approached the booth, before setting your purse down and sitting across from him.

“You... you came?” He looked up to you with almost watery eyes.

“Of course I did,” you tried to hold yourself back from mentioning something about following through on your word. You wanted this to be as civil as possible. To build bridges rather than burn them.

“I just didn’t expect to see you in person again. And, you know, you were running a little late,” he added.

“Well, you try waking a five year old up and getting him ready for school every day,” you expelled a humorless chuckle to deflect from the slight agitation you were feeling.

“While you’re hungover?” Steve asked with a bit of a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

“While you’re hungover,” You confirmed, genuinely laughing now. It felt good, natural even. You’d kind of forgotten just how pleasant things used to be with Steve.

“Did you mean it last night?” he interrupted the laughter with a serious look.

“I honestly cannot remember anything I said last night. Elaborate, please?”

“That he’s mine. Your son.” He watched you silently nod, then began to speak again, “Wow, I just didn’t realize… How did that happen?” He looked down into his drink nervously.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to recall the exact details, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...” You trailed off, and looked up as a barista called a butchered version of your name.

You were glad to have an excuse to get up and leave for a moment. Adrenaline was racing through your body, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep your composure before you erupted into tears, or had some sort of angry outburst.

Bringing your cup back to the booth, you sat down and took a sip of the scalding drink, “Where did we leave off?”

“I believe you were giving me the birds and the bees?”

“Right! Well, I think you know the rest. I’ll tell you more about Grant later. Right now, I want to know why you left and suddenly decided to come back.” You genuinely felt proud of your delivery. This was the moment you’d practiced in front of the mirror for years, and you didn’t even butcher it.

Steve shook his head and looked into his drink once again. It was so hard to look at you, let alone make eye contact with you, when he knew that he’d been the one to give you an ocean of grief. Yet, he was somewhat intrigued by hearing that his son’s name was his middle name.  

“It’s kind of a long story,” Steve began.

“Good thing we have time,” you crossed your arms as you spoke.

“Well, waking up in a whole new time period isn’t exactly the easiest thing ever. You and me both know I missed it there, and it’s always been more than just nostalgia for me. I truly believed that I belonged back there.”

Of course, you had an idea of this, but hearing Steve confirm what you’d already thought made your insides twist.

“But I was so wrong. More than anything, I guess I was in love with a romanticized version of the past. Of Peggy.”

Hearing her name, especially from Steve, made you bristle. You wanted to interrupt him at this point, but it wouldn’t do you or him any good to become hostile while he explained himself.

“By the time I realized, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on and found someone else to take care of you, and the world, this world, didn’t really need me anymore. But something possessed me to come back.”

“So you’re telling me that if you stopped being an idiot that just assumes things, we could’ve worked this out before? That you could’ve been an active participant in your son’s life?”

“I guess that’s a good way to interpret that story. I know I haven’t been in his life, but is there any way that I can still meet him?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Yeah, of course. He’s just like,” you sighed a bit to yourself. “He’s like a carbon copy of you. Especially his personality, but like, down to his mannerisms. I always struggled to understand how he could be so much like his dad, and never even had met him. You’ll love him.”

“Even if I didn't like him, I’d still love him.”

“How do you still manage to be such a cheeseball all the damn time? You think you’d be able to make it to dinner tonight?”

----

At exactly 6:30 on the dot, your doorbell rang, and before you even had the chance to think about opening it, Grant already was at the door, and opening it. You cringed on the inside, and made a mental note to have another conversation about stranger danger with him.

“Do I know you? Who are you?” you heard your child question from the other room as you set down the last of the plates in your dining room.  

“I’m Steve, your mom’s friend... and…” Steve nearly spilled the beans to his son, but didn’t want to cause any more damage than he’d already done. “Her friend.”

“That’s so cool! I have friends too, like Nick, and Stacey, and,” you’d rushed up to the door and wiped your brow, internally hoping that you hadn’t just smudged the makeup you’d put on for the occasion.

“Hi, Steve, come on in,” You beckoned him in, and pulled Grant to the side, quietly scolding him before leading Steve into the dining room. “Grant! This is the last time I’m telling you about opening doors, okay?” He nodded obediently, then followed you and Steve.

“Can I sit next to your friend, Mommy?”

“Is that alright with you, Steve?”

“More than fine.”

Grant sat down next to him, and scooted a bit closer than necessary, while you sat across from the two of them.

“I have to in… enter a gate you now. Because Mommy never brings any over her friends over. I didn’t know she had any friends.”

You blushed a bit at this, at your son’s overdramatic behavior, and his admission that you’d become a bit of a loner.

“Go ahead, pal,” Steve chuckled heartily.

“When did you meet my mom?”

“Before you were even born.”

“Wow! That’s a long time. You’re really old. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

“I’ve heard T-Rexes are pretty cool.”

“Have you met any?”

You nearly spat out your drink at this. If only your son had known.

“Nope, never. Have you?”

“Hmm, not yet. But they’re my favorite dino too. Now your ‘gating is over.”

You couldn’t help but to burst out into laughter at the bizarre exchange, but you were glad that your son and Steve were getting along so well.

The rest of dinner went pretty similarly, with Grant bantering with Steve, and Steve indulging him. You could tell that the relationship between the two of them was something that came both naturally and easily. You couldn’t help but to grin as Grant began to ramble about how cool Steve was, and how he swore he was better friends with Steve than you were.

“Mommy, isn’t Steve the best? You guys should totally get married so he can have dinner with us every day!” he swooned. “He even kinda looks like me, right?!”

That’s why you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Grant, Steve is… He’s your dad,” you said quietly.

Grant nodded, then slurped up a noodle, “That’s why he’s so cool! He gets it from me, right Mom?”

“That sounds right to me,” You glanced up at Steve, and noticed his surprised expression. You mouthed something along the lines to ‘He’ll process it later,’ and waved a dismissive hand, before going in for another bite of food.

----

After putting Grant to bed, You and Steve stood at your kitchen sink, bumping elbows occasionally as the two of you silently worked together to wash and dry dishes.

The domesticity and familiarity of the action brought you an obscene amount of comfort. You remembered how you once believed that this is what your future would look like. Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve beginning to talk.

“Doesn’t this remind you of life after the first snap?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Kind of. You’re not off the hook yet, by the way. You still have plenty of explaining and proving you’ve changed to do.” You set the last cup in the cupboard, then dried your hands off.

“I know, I know,” Steve began.

“We don’t even know if you’re ready for fatherhood. But right now, I kinda don’t care. I really just want you to kiss me.” You reached up to Steve’s cheek, and he pulled you in for a soft and chaste kiss.

You’d never felt more at home.

——

me with this fic:

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #angst #captain america x reader #captain america x you #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #request

[acklesterritory]

That Kind of Love Never Dies_Chapter 1

Hey guys, Now that more voted to split my fictions in 2 parts, I'm back with the first part. I hope you like it. Don't forget to leave me feedbacks. I'll always appreciate them. Love you all.

This is for writing event @tvdspngirl314

My quote is "That kind of love never dies"

Dean x Reader series (just 2 parts)

This chapter words: ~5k

Series warning:

Angst, fluf, smut, angry Dean, hurt Reader, hurt Dean, there's some more but I hate spoilers so I insist on "Angst & Hurt"

It all started with a stupid argument at home. What was it? Three months ago? Sam couldn't remember the exact date but after years, it was the first time this awkward coldness between Dean and Y/n had started to build. He could remember the first time he and his brother came across Y/n like it was yesterday, they were hunting a very nasty creature who used to kidnap young and lonely women at night, then got them wrapped in ropes and ties on a bed in a warehouse to rape, torture and feed on their blood until the victim either died or accepted to turn into one of his kind.

Sam could remember the helplessness in people's eyes too. The pain of the victims' families, the frustration and anger on cops' faces when no one could find the criminal yet, even after the sixth missing girl.

"Sammy, he just kidnapped another girl. And I think I know where he's gonna take her. Let's hunt this son of a bitch."

When Dean was saying that, Sam never expected him to fall in love with the woman they would save that night. Well, unfortunately they weren't fast enough to prevent any harm to the girl. When they arrived and Dean killed the nasty creature, Y/n was almost dead. The monster had already raped her, tortured her … and when he felt the hunters enter the place, he drank almost all of her blood, to gain more energy to fight. So as always, Dean was up to blaming himself. Of course only in his own eyes, not anyone else's.

"Call Cas to come home. Tell him it's an emergency."

Dean told his brother when he finally could get Y/n out of those ropes. And Sam knew he was right. At that point, no one could save Y/n unless God or his angels. Maybe she was not so lucky coming across a nasty supernatural creature like that but she was lucky enough that Cas arrived just on time and healed her. However, angels can only heal physical wounds. But Y/n was hurt much more than that. She couldn't just move on from the things that the bastard had put her through. Even after Cas tricked her brain to forget some certain things, she still had bad nightmares and had this dark shade of hopelessness in her eyes. Soon, she started to eat and talk less and less. And Dean just couldn't let her go. He really wanted to fix all of that for her but she kept shutting him out… until the depression hit her. It was so bad that Cas felt the need to tell them to prepare themselves for her death. Because after all those days and unlike everything else in their lives, The Winchesters were already used to her presence around them; like the way a lonely person can get used to a wounded cat more and faster than anyone else.

"I'm not gonna hunt until I'm sure she can live her normal life." When Dean stated that, Sam really thought he was joking. But after a few days he started to believe it. Dean truly would do anything to keep her alive. From cooking vegetables to laughing at his own dad jokes in front of Y/n to make her smile. That was when Sam started to feel that they can be more than a random hunter/rescued victim relationship! It felt like his brother had finally found his motivation in life: "Saving Y/n."

Gradually Y/n started to respond to this special attention from Dean with trust and smiles. Soon they became a power couple that could motivate each other so easily that sometimes Charlie would call them out. And honestly Sam had no problem with it. In fact Y/n had become his other sister.

"My God, Dean! You're burning up!" It was two day after a werewolf hunt in which Dean had got hurt. At first it was just some scratches on his arms and chest. Yet as the time passed, more symptoms started to appear: headache, pain, fever, cold sweat, even nose bleeding and before they could figure it out, Dean fell unconscious. Apparently the claws of the werewolf were poisonous. However Sam wasn't sure. The only thing he got no doubts about was the fact that it was already too late. Dean couldn't make it to the hospital. So either Sam had to do anything possible to save him or Cas should've picked up his God damn phone.

"No. no, no, no, no. Dean … Dean!!!"

That was when Sam got to hear Y/n's helpless cry and see her true feelings. She was already in love with his brother.

Luckily, unlike typical love stories; no one died that night. Sam's antidote worked. And Dean opened his eyes an hour later.

"Sammy … Y/n?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Y/n grabbed his face and put her thirsty lips on her beloved hunter's, letting the tears stream down on her face… and then his.

"Never do that again." She begged, breaking the kiss, her trembling hands holding Dean's face so she could look into his eyes.

Sam couldn't stop his smile remembering how cute they were. Y/n literally had Dean wrapped around her little finger, to the point he accepted to teach her how to hunt and soon she was part of their team too. Until … a few months ago. After two years of them being constantly close to each other, Sam could tell something was off when Dean started to go out without eating breakfast with Y/n. Of course she got suspicious after the third time and that was when their endless arguments started.

"Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Because nothing is wrong, Y/n."

Actually there was. Something was VERY wrong. Anyone could tell that just by the change in Dean's eyes whenever he wanted to look at Y/n. Day by day he was getting more quiet and cold. Now they didn't even eat pie together or watch movies late at night. And Sam couldn't ignore his brother being grumpy or drunk on hunts, not anymore.

"Ok man, I've had enough. You either tell me what's wrong with you or next time I won't make any excuses so you can leave Y/n out of our hunt plans. I'm serious, Dean, I'll tell her the truth." He finally said, when they were alone in the impala, on their way to do their next hunt.

"She wants more."

"More?"

"Yeah. Sometimes it's like she sees more in me. She thinks we can have a different life. There's no need for any saying, I can see it in her eyes whenever we accidentally come across some family at a diner that try to feed their kids or people's wedding photos whenever we go to talk with some witnesses or whoever during the research! Sometimes she even looks up wedding dresses or kid stuff on the net!" Dean blew his anger out of his nostrils and sighed, shaking his head.

"Wow." Sam couldn't find the proper word to say but he couldn't hide his surprised face either.

"What?" Dean gave him an annoyed look.

"I mean …" Sam chuckled. "… are you telling me you're actually angry with her for imagining the things you always dream about?!"

"Sam …"

"No, really. I'm just curious. What's wrong with you, man?" Sam asked genuinely, waiting for an answer.

"What's wrong with me?! You think something is wrong with me just because I'm the rational one in this relationship; who's actually able to see the difference between a dream and the reality?"

Yeah, anyone could take that earnest speech, but not Sam. He'd seen and knew enough about his brother.

"What's the reality? Aren't you and Y/N living that dream life already?"

"What?! No. No … that's not the same." Dean shook his head.

"Really? How is it not? It's been two years, Dean. You two are constantly with and/or around each other. Always worried when the other one is in trouble and still looking at one another like there is nothing in the world that can make you happy as much as this relationship. So … excuse me if I won't buy your pretty speech; man ." Sam said, Rolling his eyes.

"Ok, let's say you're right but ... is it gonna be like that forever? With all the supernatural crap that we have to take care of … and the constant danger and chaos in this hunter life we have… I …"

"You what?" Sam asked when Dean didn't finish his sentence. He was lost in his thoughts, staring at this unknown point in the depth of the road. Finally he blew out his despair.

"I just can't let her fall for the things I know I can't provide for her. It's not fair, Sammy. It's not fair to lock her up in this dark life with me just because she loves me … especially while I know there is a whole bright future out there waiting for her."

"Here we go, the old Dean's self-doubt" Sam thought to himself as he took a deep breath before finding the best words to wake his brother up from this nightmare

"Yeah, I know but I don't think it's your call. If Y/n wants to go to hell with you instead of living in heaven with someone else, it's her choice. Not your responsibility. Right?"

Dean shook his head while his lips curved up a little to fake a smile but he never answered or said anything about that conversation ever again. He kept his silence for like three weeks … until someone new showed up: "Gary Smith". A tall man with the most stylish haircut and the most perfect teeth and smile.

They saw him for the first time at their hangout bar, as the new bartender who almost jumped in Y/n's way as soon as they entered the bar.

"Oh my God, bunny! Is this really you?" He said, pulling her in his embrace. Like she was the long time missing piece of his beloved puzzle!

"Bonny? You're wrong. Her name is Y/n." Dean said, pretty annoyed by the way Gary tightened his arms around Y/n's little shoulders, making him chuckle.

"No, uh … it's just a nickname." Y/n said as soon as the guy let her go.

"Yeah, actually the most fitting nickname that I could think of. I mean … you have to agree. She got the most cute little ears in the world." The guy explained, chuckling and pulling on her little star earring. Well, if Sam wanted to be honest, he had to agree with him. He never paid any attention to it before but now that Gary mentioned it, he could tell Y/n's ears were truly small.

"I see … So … I guess this means you were close friends?" Dean said, already hating the way Y/n e's blushed with hearing her old nickname.

"Uh … well, no. Actually more than that." The guy grinned, ruffling his own hair while he was awkwardly laughing and looking at Y/n. Just like a proud embarrassed teen!

"We used to date." Y/n said.

*oh* Sam tried his best not to let that stupid grin sit on his lips but Dean's frown and his sudden heavy silence didn't let him do so.

"Yeah. We are kinda each other's first. Like … you know? prom date." The man added, giving Y/n a wink while Dean's gaze was still locked on his large arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah. It's been years, Gary."

"I know. But believe me, bunny. you still look the same." He said, bending to put a kiss on her right cheek.

Dean would kill him. Sam just knew that. Because his brother's eyes were already burning with jealousy.

"By the way, don't you wanna tell me who these gentlemen are ?" The guy asked Y/n, giving her his softest smile.

"Of course. This is Sam and this is Dean. My colleagues who are my friends now. I live in their place."

After they met, everything got even more complicated. Y/n, the girl who was still trying to get old-happy-days Dean back suddenly stopped whatever she used to do. No more complains, no waiting at nights to see Dean before going to bed, no more effort to get involved in hunts, no nothing. And despite what Dean had claimed before, it was making Dean even more frustrated. Day to day he and Y/n were getting colder towards each other and there was nothing he could do to fix it. That was what made him even more furious. Sam already knew all of that and he still had to live with both of those grumpy faces. So last night when they began to fight, he could see this was coming: Y/n left the bunker after Dean let some hurtful things out of his mouth, just because he didn't know how to deal with all the heartache anymore. He now was convinced that Y/n didn't love him anymore. Yet the next day after drinking whatever strong drink they had, he begged Sam to come with him. Apparently Jodie texted Dean about Y/n being in her place for that night. Just to make sure that her crazy step son won't sell his soul over a tracking spell! So Dean almost begged his brother to be there with him, cause Dean believed that as much as Y/n didn't care about him, she still respected Sam and cared about him. Like a little sister and her elder brother.

So here they were, In Jodie's living room, in front of her and Y/n.

"Considering your sleepy eyes, I think we caught you at bed time, huh?" Sam asked, checking Y/n's obvious eye bags.

"Who says that? I'm totally good, Sam."

She said with a small smile, looking much more in control and stronger than before. So Sam knew it was a lie. Y/n Just had made her peace with what had happened last night. The realization۹ kicked Dean in the gut. Y/n always used to be stronger and bolder when she got hurt.

"I'm gonna make some coffee for us. Why don't you guys take a seat till I come back?"

Jodie interrupted, to ease the heavy and sharp silence that suddenly had fallen over all of them.

Y/n gave her a smile.

"Of course."

It was so fake. Her smile didn't even curl her lips completely. She was still badly hurting.

Sam swore in his head when he looked over his brother who sank silently into the nearest seat at the end of the table like a broken shell that he was too . One of Dean's hands was in the pocket of his jacket, the other formed a fist on the table. Sam was sure Dean knew it too. He knew everything was almost past saving. "Almost". Sam tried to stick to their small chance.

"So …" He cleared his voice before he put some (semi fake) hope into his words."You're … you're gonna come back home today or did Alex and Claire made you promise them otherwise?" He laughed and tried to make it funny but the truth was he asked this for Dean's sake, knowing he already was struggling to find the words … to let Y/n know how much he wanted her back … to ask her to come back.

"To be honest … I don't think I can live in the bunker anymore." Y/n said and as Dean's head snapped up to look at her in horror, she raised her hand to stop his (likely) protests.

"I applied for a job 3 weeks ago and to my surprise they called me this morning to tell me I'd actually got it."

*What?*

No one had to ask it. The question was already hung in the air. She snored mockingly in her nose. "Perfect timing, right?"

She moved her gaze from her interlocked fingers on the table to Dean's eyes.

He didn't answer, he didn't move but he got tense. Still staring back at Y/n.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sam asked, once again saving Dean from asking the question he was itching to ask with some other words that for sure couldn't be nice.

"I wanted to but I didn't think I could actually get it and even if I did, I never figured out how to tell you. Besides, I never considered the "move out" option before..." She looked at Sam for a second before she turned her gaze on Dean. "... But I actually appreciate that you bring it up. I think now I can take the advice. I'm gonna move on."

Sam's heart dropped in his stomach when he heard those words. Because he knew what this meant. It felt something like having to watch Dean get stabbed in the heart.

"Is this … because of that Bartender?" Dean asked, staring deadly at Y/n with his bloodshot eyes. He was already chewing on his bottom lip. And Sam knew a heavy storm was on its way to hit them.

"I don't want to answer that question."

*shit*

"Why? Because you can't just simply say no?" Dean scolded and Sam could see how it pushed on Y/n boundaries.

"No. Because it's not your fucking business and it's not Gary's business either. But at least he knows his limits."

*well, fuck*

"By "limits" you mean when he drools on you just because for God knows whatever the reason, you started to wear leather jackets when we go there?"

"WHAT?!"

*Oh, fuck* Sam thought to himself, watching Y/n rise from her seat.

"You think … you really think that I …" she laughed nervously and Sam could tell she would punch Dean in the face if she wasn't a sweet, super nice person.

"How you can even …"

"I can even what, Y/n? Are we now going to pretend like I'm a blind man who can't see how you got attracted to your ex again? Did you really think I couldn't see how your hands were shaking when his filthy face lighted up by seeing you for the first time after all these years?"

Sam wanted to interrupt him or at least leave the room but everything was happening so fast.

"So what? Why and since when you care about my private life?"

"Since you stopped drinking bunker's beers just because you rather drink those crappy poisonous cocktails he makes at the bar!"

Dean was on his feet now as well. And despite his will, Sam couldn't stop his smile. He never saw his brother this jealous before. It was fun.

"Poisonous? … You … of all people, you are the one who says this? cause as much as I know, you're the one who puts dormitives in my guest's food so the poor guy gets tired and can't spend his time with me!"

"Yeah, because your poor guy is not welcomed in MY PLACE!" Dean yelled, punching the table with so much power that made everyone almost jump out of their skins.

"Dean!" Finally Sam interrupted but as soon as he stood up, someone rang the doorbell and Sam could hear Jodie welcoming someone inside.

"Guys … I know it's not my place to interfere but you two really need to sort things out somewhere private … of course that's when both of you can be much calmer than this."

"No, we have nothing to say or to talk about, anymore. Your brother was clear enough when he said he wants me to move out, so I'll move out. And that's it."

Y/n declared, looking at Sam to resist any eye contact with Dean, probably to make him even more crazy.

"And that's it? You wanna ignore that part where you were too eager and ready to accept that suggestion and leave the bunker instantly like your pants were on fire?!"

Dean retorted while Y/n was shaking her head like she couldn't believe him.

"Whose pants are on fire?" Jodie interrupted as soon as she re-entered the room with the coffees she'd made, this time a man was with her. Y/n's guy. The famous bartender.

*Oh, No!*

Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a second so the guy couldn't read his face.

"Obviously not mine." Dean hissed through his teeth, looking first at the guy and then at Y/n with such a disappointment and rage that no one could ignore.

"Hey, what's wrong?" The guy asked, choosing the worst spot to stand on: right next to Y/n.

"My typical life I guess. Nothing's new." She mumbled in reply to him but her eyes were still on Dean.

"No, nothing is wrong with your life, Y/n. It's about your choices. That's what's wrong with you. As always." Dean said bitterly. As sharp as a knife, as cold as ice. Sam could see how it drained color from Y/n's face.

"You better watch your mouth, buddy." The Gary guy warned Dean and Sam could tell that if it wasn't for the sudden thud sound that stole everyone's attention, Dean would throw a fight right there. But …

"Y/n!" Jodie almost screamed. Y/n was laying on the floor, seemingly unconscious.

"Oh, God." Sam said as Jodie rushed to her.

"Y/n? … Y/n can you hear me?"

As she sat next to her, Gary's fingers already were on Y/n's carotid pulse point. So Sam couldn't stop himself from looking up at his brother, who was still standing where he was. In shock.

"Oh, shit!" Gary's worried voice made Sam check Y/n's pale face again but Jodie was the one to dare ask the question which was on everyone's minds.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Her pulse ... too faint." He said before turning to Dean: "Is she bleeding?"

"Bleeding?" Dean blinked and mumbled in confusion.

If it was up to Sam, he'd ask *What bleeding?* & *Why are you asking this from my brother?*

"Oh my. You still don't know. Do you?" Gary sneered.

"Know what? What's happening?" Jodie was freaking out now and Sam actually felt the same. He didn't like the way this stranger pretended like he knew her better than them. However what happened next was much more unexpected. And … rude!

To everyone's surprise, the guy reached out to Y/n's jeans and drew his hand between her legs but before anyone could react, he spread her legs open so it could be possible for everyone to see that big red stain there. Then he raised his hand. It was all wet and red in blood!

"She's having a miscarriage." He revealed.

Sam's gaze instantly caught Dean's ... Burning. Dean was burning inside with his heavy silence.

"Don't you worry. It's not mine." Gary added more fuel to that hell with such a mocking tone, staring right back at Dean's eyes.

Now Sam could feel it. The storm was there: rising in his brother's roar!

Before Sam could've moved any muscles, Gary was already pinned to the wall, Dean's hands on his now-ripped-out collar.

"Dean, no!" Sam jumped in, trying to catch his brother's arm before his fist make any contact with the guy's nose but all he could do was changing the direction of the punch which landed on Gary's shoulder, making a painful cracking sound.

"I said no … Dean, stop it." Sam had to literally cage Dean in his arms so the furious man couldn't tear Gary apart.

"Get off me, Sam. This son of a bitch has to learn his place."

"Enough!" As Dean just broke himself free, Jodie's scream stopped everyone in their tracks.

"It's enough!" Jodie warned all three men, pointing at them one by one.

"You want to fight? Not here. Not in my house!"

"But ..."

As soon as Dean opened his mouth to protest, Jodie cut him:

"And you … you should know Y/n is pregnant with your twins. So … you'll be a responsible man who will try his best to save them or you can get the hell out of here and never come back!"

"What?" Sam was too shocked to suppress his reaction while Dean couldn't even find any words to say. His confused look darted between Jodie's face and Y/n's figure while his parted lips kept moving without making any noise, just like a dying fish on the shore!

"I promised her not to tell anyone but it was a promise under normal conditions, not this." Jodie sighed, struggling to keep her emotions under control. Sam saw the worry in her frown. Like a real mother, worried for her children. However it was nothing in comparison to his brother's blank eyes and pale face.

"Dean, It's ok. We just need to take her to hospital. … it's ok, man. I promise."

He had to grab Dean by his jacket, as his brother was struggling to process all of these in his head.

"Come on, man. We got no time. Do I need to do this alone or you'll …"

"Get the car, Sammy."

It was just a simple sentence. Yet it had enough power to make Sam's heart sank. Since Dean had put the car keys in his hand saying that, Sam couldn't stop thinking about that tone. Dean never had called Baby a "car" In years. And Sam had never heard that crack in his voice since their Dad's death.

"You ok?" He finally let himself ask, two hours after they arrived at the hospital.

"I want to be." Dean closed his eyes and put his head against the cold wall, letting the dim light to darken the shadows under his eyes.

"I'm sure she'll be good. She's strong, Dean. You know that."

He smiled and Sam looked away not to watch him. He knew that smile. Dean used to give him that, whenever everything was gone so wrong that Dean couldn't promise him anything good. Like when both of them were still kids. Hungry, cold and all alone in a rusty motel room where John had left them on their own for a one day long hunt but then a heavy snow had crashed the roads and kept them apart for half a week. So Dean had to wash the dishes and do the laundry in the motel to rent the room for another day and provide some snacks so they wouldn't starve to death. But after three days, the hotel managers didn't want them to be around. And Sam could vividly remember that smile on his brother's face when he asked: *Where should we go then?*

"You were always such a father material. You know?"

Sam admitted with a broken smile on his face.

"You were always responsible, kind and caring with me as a kid. And I can't imagine anyone who deserves to be a father more than you."

Dean took a deep breath and opened his eyes without looking at him: "But I don't want ... I really can't, Sammy."

All, it certainly wasn't the response Sam had expected. He used to believe that Dean would never turn down any chance to start a family with Y/n. Especially after everything in the world was back to normal.

"Are you kidding me? You always wanted this."

"No …" Dean finally turned his gaze to meet his brother's confused eyes. "No, Sammy. Not like this. I don't want to raise another kid without his mom. I'm not that strong anymore."

Dang. Once again Sam's heart dropped in his stomach. Dean was really helpless.

"Mr. Winchester?"

Dean was on his feet as Sam just realized the doctor's presence.

"It's me."

Sam prayed for any good news as doctor took a glance of Dean and fixed his glasses on his face …

"To be continued …"

READ CHAPTER 2 HERE

tag list:

@jay-and-dean @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278

The next and also ultimate chapter will post on Sunday, April 25. Thanks for reading.

Feedback are always appreciated.

#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x ofc #dean x you #dean winchester #allyswritingevent #Acklesterritory #dean winchester x ofc #dean x y/n #dean winchester x you

[saki-chan16]

FF Updates

Cause why tf not? Let me know if you wanna see any of these posted on my page as I finish chapters!

Naruto-verse

Empty Bottles

Sakura-centric; non-mass; lots of CW for depression, family abuse, self harm implications, and death.

Sakura's biological parents passed after she was born, she's taken in by her aunt and uncle. They're very abusive. The story is following her journey and finding a support system in her team. Kakashi is a good sensei and we see some other Jounin (Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, Guy, etc.) helping their friend out. This story won't start fluffy, but I want to show my little blossom learning to trust and love again after being abused since she was little. Expect lots of ups and downs.

Tentative romance pairing ideas: SasuSaku, SakuIta, SakuNeji or even none depending on where I end this

Oh Raven

Sakura-centric; non-mass; Naruto's parents live

This is supposed to be a light hearted story. I have everyone alive (including Kakashi's dad, Obito, & Rin bc DAMNIT KAKASHI DESERVES TO BE HAPPY TOO). This is my take on what could have been if our three lovelies had been friends since birth thanks to their parents. I'm aiming to keep it happy and focus on them growing up and showcasing cute moments. We'll see where it leads.

Tentative romantic pairing ideas: Itasaku

Weeping Cherry

Sakura-centric; non-mass; Adopted Dad!Kakashi; CW for death, PTSD/PTSD symptoms, and some mental health issues

Sakura is born in Rain. Her parents are traveling merchants and she travels with them everywhere. She decides she wants to become a Shinobi instead and her parents are very supportive. At 6, through books on their journey, Sakura has started tree walking and learning about her chakra. Akatsuki members stumble upon her and things get dark. Her parents end up murdered, but she's saved by a Leaf ANBU squad. Bird, Dog, and Cat bring her to the Leaf - this story follows Sakura's journey. She's young, but she wants revenge. Also, Kakashi's ninja dogs play a big role in this.

Tentative romantic pairing ideas: SakuSasu, SakuNeji, Saku(?) ((Open to all ideas))

Brothers Conflict-verse

(unnamed as of rn)

Ema is brought into the family at the age of 12. Meanings, she moves in earlier and meets the boys when they're a little younger. But Ema has a strong small group of friends and doesn't spend all her time with her new brothers. In fact, she tends to go to her friends houses and might even get into some trouble *evil laugh*. Watch as her brothers meet her friends and see their reaction when she doesn't have one, but TWO best guy friends! Oooooh, the angst and protective brother juices will be flowinggggg ~

Psycho Pass-verse

(unnamed as of rn)

**The nice way to say this is that it's a fix-it fic. I fucking love this series, but season 1 rips my heart out and I need to write something different. With that being said, this will not be a fluffy fic.**

CW: various mental health issues, depression, self-harm, family abuse.

Kagari and Masaoka don't die, Kougami doesn't leave, and Gino doesn't go latent criminal (yet). But out lovely inspector has a pesky family member she can't seem to remember. Makashima is intently trying to catch Inspector Tsunamori's attention, trying to draw her out. Will he stop at just her friends death? Or will he go farther? The crew is worried about their inspector. Can they keep her afloat? Will our strong willed heroine bow to the pressure?

#naruto fanfiction #brothers conflict fanfiction #brocon fanfic #psycho pass fanfiction #fanfic ideas #haruno sakura #sakura x itachi #sakura x neji #sakura x sasuke #sasusaku #itasaku #nejisaku #brothers conflict #brocon #psycho pass

[pellelavellan-a]

Drabble POV Dorian

I'd always considered myself something of a difficult person to please. Call it what you want, a symptom of being wealthy and spoiled, expensive taste, stubbornness. The point is, I would never lie and feign being low maintenance. My chronic habit of wrinkling my nose at bad wine, or the way the thought of sleeping outside made me shudder would surely give me away. Without a shadow of a doubt there was a lot of things I did not like to do, and still I felt I had nothing on the Inquisitor.

Pelle did not enjoy doing so many things, basic things. To list them all would lead me into rabbit holes of micro details of circumstances and situations where that thing might be alright but otherwise it was not enjoyable. I couldn't tell you if it says something about me that I never imagined that someone like him would have so many qualms about minute details in life, but all his no's all pointed to one common peeve: he hated expectations.

Spending time with him alone is his tower I learned more about him than if our relationship was maintained from a safe distance. He hated tying his hair up, he wasn't all that fond of being fully dressed and put together all the time, he was far more relaxed after smoking whatever he kept in those jars because it stunted his senses slightly, and lastly he did not view me as disparaging company or he would wear more clothes, smoke less, and keep his hair tidier when we were alone. I like to think of it as an unspoken compliment.

But these were just little things. In fact, what I might consider sets the two of us apart in our picky preferences is that it is far easier to talk Pelle into doing something he does not want to do than I. Maybe that made me selfish, maybe it meant he felt more pressure to conform than I did. Whatever the case was there were things I knew about him that suggested that the pressure we felt was the same and yet somehow wildly different.

I'm more than aware that my stubborn philosophy to refuse to change for anyone angered him for quite some time. We fought about it often. Not because it upset him that I wouldn't change for anyone, but because I advised him to do the same. That was another thing he didn't like--he hated being told what to do. In hindsight, I understand his stance, my refusal to bend was not a life of death situation. It never had been. My father may have tried to force me to change, but no one was going to kill me for my affinity for other men.

But to steer away from the negative. For a man almost as picky as myself, Pelle is surprisingly not difficult to please. Something as simple as approaching him with conversation that has nothing to do with his position or the state of the world puts a smile on his face. He loves listening to people talk about things they love, their lives, weird things that excite them. He's never turned down trying something new if it seemed like fun to me, so I have to assume he likes to be part of things that makes brings other people joy--I couldn't even tell you the amount of things he's tasted because he didn't want me to drink alone. Drinking alone was depressing and no one should do it he always says. He rants about how unrealistic and strange romance novels are, but I know he continues to read them because he secretly loves how ridiculous they are.

He also loves having his hair played with, but you need special permission to touch it. He shares almost everything because he wants to, and will seldom shy away from sharing an experience with someone else if they show interest in it. He hates sleeping alone, which means he prefers to hold onto someone. In fact, he responds very well to physical affection, he thrives on it really.

He's a lot more extroverted than myself. He might do things he doesn't want to all the time, but he seldom pretends it's the most riveting thing he's ever done. He shows just enough enthusiasm to fool someone who doesn't care whether he's enjoying himself or not. In contrast, I like to pretend everything is interesting, or rather that I'm the most interesting part of the excursion. Helps hide the fact that I'd much rather be somewhere quieter with far less people. Not Pelle, he might hate nobility but he loves banter, a good joke, company over being alone with his thoughts--he's also not a bad dancer but nobody needs to know that.

#first person writing #ooc #out of quizzy #dorian pavus #who i dont rp but sometimes I WANT TO #i cannot promise there isnt typos #dorian talking about pelle drabbles

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Yeah the Loki finale was meh/disappointing it doesn’t even feel like a Loki show anymore. I swear you could swap him with another character and the story would barely change.

Hi, anon! I'll put thoughts under a cut since idk who all has seen the Loki show yet.

Tbh, Loki is my favorite character from the MCU. I have waited for YEARS for this character to have an actual spotlight...

And I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Like, I legit wanted to just turn off my brain and enjoy everything?

But yeah, your message resonates with me. There were things I liked about the show, but once I got over the cool CGI and angst and female gaze, it just...feels like Loki got sidelined in his own story? The focus hadn't been about him specifically since episode 1. It instead shifted to Sylvie, who is different enough from Loki that she might as well have been Hawkeye still on his Endgame rampage for justice. And it was Sylvie's problems and Sylvie's motivations that drove the story. Which, you know, were interesting in their own way but not what I was expecting from a Loki show. A lot of scenes were just Sylvie running around and Loki somewhat helplessly following along in a daze that this is what his life has become. He was just ultimately a very passive character in someone else's story...because as the finale clearly showed, his core issues that needed to be worked out weren't in alignment with her own.

So it's sad to me that the show opened up by saying that Loki's destiny was always to function as a dead-end catalyst for other people's character development/journeys. And in the end, that's...exactly what Loki became for all the other characters in this show. ;A; And I'm not sure what they have going on for s2, but I fear he'll just play second-fiddle to Dr. Strange at this point.

I have other issues with the show as well....

___

I felt like they also massively declawed him? Ignoring the comics entirely (where he's even more badass) and looking just at the movies: He survived a Hulk smack-down, could toss humans like they were nothing, could travel between worlds through a variety of means, could already see into people's minds/memories and cast illusions and even change his form, and yet somehow all of this got retconned to make him a less powerful sorcerer compared to his Variants.

I remember this guy being actually dangerous and physically capable, which is why they locked him up. Loki used to have Avenger-level capabilities and strength. But now, he can't hardly fight off a human, and his defense skills are relegated to basic hand-to-hand combat and a dagger. The show even makes fun of his abilities and calls him a pussycat and turns him into a tie-wearing analyst...But I suppose that's in line with the general downgrade of his abilities in recent MCU movies...

___

And if being a sidekick in his own show and having his abilities retconned wasn't enough, I feel like the show failed to convince me that it really understood and is working to grow Loki's character.

The underlying issue that the show calls out as Loki's ultimate weakness is that he's "afraid of being alone," and that this feeds a narcissism complex. But this doesn't really make sense to me? Because he didn't grow up alone or unwanted. He had a mother (Frigga) who loved him deeply and taught him magic. He clearly made it into adulthood believing that Odin was his father, who certainly wasn't absent. He was always on adventures with his brother. He had clearly tried to build a reputation for himself that was differentiated from his brother's (the Silvertongue). This goes against how narcissists don't really have a personality of their own because they just absorb other people's mannerisms to fit in...So like, idk about parsing out the details of narcissism as a clinical diagnosis because I'm not a psychologist, but something feels a little odd here to me? Like, it's more than just...fear of being alone that drives Loki to be destructive? The loneliness is only a symptom??

The problem based off the early movies, providing that I'm not entirely an idiot in listening (which I suppose I could be), was that he was always in Thor's shadow and was never considered an equal, someone worthy of respect despite their differences. Even in the 2009 movie, his peers belittled his title as a Silvertongue and his love for magic. Discovering that he was actually an unwanted frost giant just twisted that knife in deeper and set him on a self-destruct path, once and for all. And it's really interesting to me that throughout this show, people are still constantly trying to establish themselves as alpha over Loki and make jabs about him as worthless and weak. And he's just desperate enough for validation to still try bonding with them the instant anyone tosses a bone of mild curiosity at him.

The fact that he's still positioned as less valuable and less respected than Sylvie, and that even Sylvie herself ultimately usurps equality in their relationship/partnership to enforce her will is just...depressing.

And for all this discussion about Loki changing/redeeming himself, at the end of the day, his perspective hasn't really changed? He still identifies himself as untrustworthy, even though he careens as a desperate lap dog for Mobius' approval and then Sylvie's once she gives him an ounce of attention. He has difficulty with accepting the value of a life, especially in regard to his own life. For example, he was still willing to consider upholding the death of future untold numbers via pruning despite being such a victim himself. And that's not a slam to his worry about a worse alternative, which is probably valid, but it's still weird that he does not believe he could contribute to a powerful resistance group capable of taking out multiple variations of one human man.

It's even weirder that he still seems to be caught in a tailspin regarding "necessary dictatorship," even though Loki is supposed to be a Silvertongue and could have won He Who Remains over as an ally against the other Variants of He Who Remains, thereby dismantling the TVA and freeing the multiverse. But unfortunately, he still can't see beyond two binary roads (mass chaos vs. subjugation). He has totally lost his confidence and identity as a Silvertongue. He can't see an alternative option despite supposedly being a Master Strategist, and that's echoed in how his initial thought to defeat Alioth was to kill it in a very Thor-ish, Asgardian way.

And because he has accepted the show's narrative that he is not capable or worthy of respect for his own unique talents, he openly just..accepts the concept that he's not meant to mean anything to anyone but himself ("I just want you to be okay") or do actually anything meaningful with his abilities. This probably underscores why he is so incapable of using his full powers for a Chaotic Good.

And for one final jab of hopelessness, the show immediately reverses the one (1) other mildly positive relationship he had just started to build via Mobius, solidifying that once again, Loki is not allowed to have friends. Loki is not allowed to have equals. Loki is not allowed to be respected. Which is probably why even when he's surrounded by other people, that's why he still feels alone.

I'm just sort of dead that for all the time the show spent on diagnosing Loki, it never got deep enough to ask why he feels alone.

Conclusion

So idk, the show just kinda depressed me tbh. I don't want to be this critical??? They have really great actors, interesting concepts, and clearly a strong CGI department. Again, not sure I could do better, so I recognize I'm playing armchair critic here. Maybe it'll get better in s2. I really want this show to prove me wrong and move Loki into a level of character development where he can like, actually have purpose in his own title show beyond serving as second-fiddle to other people in other people's self-discovery journeys.

Like please, just let him realize that he can have a positive, meaningful purpose. And that whatever his purpose is, that he is Enough just as he is, and that he can contribute meaningful things to others and be fully worthy of respect. And I think once that clicks with Loki, we'll see him really grow into something phenomenal. Something truly formidable, even if that character doesn't sit on a throne....

It's possible the show could go there? But I'm just a little leery that it's not really a show about Loki....

#Loki #Marvel #MCU #Sylvie #Agent Mobius #Loki show salt #Loki show critical #;A; there's things I do like about this show #but ahhhhhh #Marvel always devalues Loki #I just...guess I didn't expect them to do that here

[obeysword]

yu’s depression manifests itself in a few different ways. i do believe he has clinical depression. during his p5 verse he is on prescribed medication for this but it’s a low dosage. he is suicidal. that is something that never leaves him. but he gets better at coping with it over time.

yu cries himself to sleep pretty regularly when he gets to inaba. after saving yukiko and things winding down, he starts to put together his parents really didn’t want him. unlike with the p5 protag who only gets a cardboard box of things sent with him. yu looks like he actually has everything he owned sent to dojima. it’s only a year. i doubt his parents sold their place in the city. everything yu has, down to his old school uniform, is in that room. that doesn’t make sense to pack and take all his belongings. unless of course, he wasn’t expected to come back. yu also knows english, french, spanish, and some mandarin. he’s well versed in multiple languages due to his parents working with different countries for their jobs. he will scream himself horse under water in the bath as a form of release from all the pent up frustration and emotions he feels.

he has a habit of grabbing hard at his upper-arms to where he can inflict bruising. thankfully, his shirts cover any sign of these things. his skin is incredibly fair and sensitive. he bruises easily and it does show up and doesn’t fade for some time. he will scratch at himself, raking his nails hard enough over his arms to inflict red lines. when he’s deeply frustrated, he’ll tug at his hair or rake his nails across his scalp. less of a depression response, but could fall into one because yu has very few noticeable tells when he’s distressed.

his health starts to take a noticeable decline. he starts eating less, if not eating at all, because he has no appetite. he starts to sleep more and more because he feels so exhausted and fatigued he doesn’t want to be awake. he’s much more sensitive to what people say. yu already has mood swings. but shifts in his personality start to appear a lot stronger. he’s never been emotionally stable, feeling so much less than those around him due to trauma and unable to identify emotions on himself. now they’re overwhelming and that exhausts him.

he tends to appear a lot more tired and wrung out. during winter his hair grew longer because he wasn’t keeping up with it. a very common symptom of people who suffer clinical depression is their inability to wash their hair. yu can do the rest of himself. but reaching up his arms to get at his hair feels impossible because of how little strength he seems to have to do it. his hair lost it’s attractive sheen because of this.

his personality takes on a few different changes. he is much more curt, less caring about what he says to people, and stops trying to put up the polite good boy act that people have familiarized themselves with. people are very aware of how devastating the incident with nanako and dojima was. but some of them just want yu to comfort them in the time he needs to focus on himself, when he can’t even take care of himself. i worry they believe that yu can handle anything because he’s always shown to be able to. that he’ll overcome this hurdle too and be the bright shining leader they know. yu is nothing like this. aside from how he’s beyond broken at this point in time, he has no energy to keep the mask up. his words can be truly awful and cutting and seem like they’re coming out of nowhere when in fact, yu’s always been like this. his tolerance is gone because he can’t be bothered to withhold his opinion.

there’s some things i’ve wondered if it could be ooc of him in the past. for example, when coming up to the door to confront adachi, yu starts poking at yosuke and remarking on the first time they came here with chie. it’s a joke, but it has a poor reflection on the other members of the group.

yu does not poke at yosuke.

yu teases yosuke. but he is never downright cruel and actually trying to humiliate him. that is so much more of a chie thing to do and it’s never a directly outright thing either. she’s just insensitive and she made up an image of who yosuke was and never saw beyond that character she created in her head. yeah, it’s messed up. but i do believe they could have a better relationship and she could be a better friend if yosuke could call her out and she could listen to him without getting riled up into another screaming match. but yu does not hurt yosuke like this. he does not say things like this to yosuke. but under stress, pressure, heavy depression, he took an out like everyone else often does toward yosuke. the animation shows yosuke brushing this off. but yosuke seems like he's forcing the reaction.

yu uses sex for bad coping. oh boy, dec 3rd is an ugly night if this was ever allowed to happen. while i feel like any of the girls would have stopped him. or yu would have stopped himself if it was naoto given how shy she is and how she would easily be the most uncomfortable about anything going anywhere. yukiko would slap him. chie would cry and yell at him. rise would push yu off of her. it’s implied yosuke and yu spent the night together with the animation having yosuke come back to yu at the hospital. yu would have stopped himself with yosuke when the thought crossed his mind, but it would have taken a lot in order to try and sleep and put the idea off.

nanako dying and coming back the next day is my canon and i’m not changing it. because i think it’s bullshit the game just has nanako coming back to life when there is so much that happened that night. it is so much more plot relevant that the characters feel the immense weight and crushing blow of nanako’s death. izanami’s going to bring her back the next day. her coming back right away is like a get of out jail free card and glossing how they almost killed a man up in that hospital room, glossing over how much pain her death caused everyone. we didn’t do it, guess she gets to live. they come back the next day, hear namatame’s story, and realize he is not the killer. all doubt is erased and the reward is nanako being alive. consistently, it makes more sense and i’ve always been really unimpressed with how the game does a rushed job on it when it makes so much sense to drag everything out and give the player the idea: this was much greater than anyone realized. this is the biggest plot-point of the game, the climax, you don’t rush the climax in your story. you let your reader feel how huge this is going to be and the falling effects that trickle down into your next point.

i’m not trying to add angst here and i don’t want to argue this either. i just don’t like how the game did it because it doesn’t feel realistic. also, dojima, could not be there when nanako woke up. he was heavily sedated, had his injuries reopen in the fall when he was struggling with the guards, and him being present eradicates the idea any of that happening. a nurse warned dojima he would suffer long-term compilations if he didn’t stay in his bed. that fall is going to make that a reality. it’s just sensible nanako didn’t come back until dec 4 and the pacing is fixed. no one would have been alone on dec 3. everyone would have gotten closer. chie and yukiko would have been together. the first years would have all been together. yu and yosuke would have been together. the animation has it’s problems but i do love it all at the same time. this is one of the big fixes i’m so glad they did because the hospital scene bothered me for a long time with the rush job they did on it. it makes yu’s pain so much more tangible too.   

#▼ OOC △ #▼ HEADCANON △ #the end there turned into a rant but #it makes me steamed lmao #the game is so real and human and i'm sad it's the only title in the series that does that #mental health is a big factor #p4 wasn't afraid to unwrap the dark content package