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lurkingshan · 3 months

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Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. All but one of these are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Chaser Game W

Fuyu got a personality transplant this week and I have officially given up on this show being what I hoped it was. Enjoy the mess and the humiliation kink and don't look for consistent writing, logical plot, or deeper themes and you will find some things to enjoy. Like these two beautiful ladies making out a bunch!

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka

I love this show so much, y'all. This week we got the return of Sakae's selfish chaos ex, Mizuki, and because this is a show by and for adults, this resulted in our leads engaging in some proper communication, clarifying their feelings for each other, and sharing their first kiss by the end of the episode. I loved seeing more of Sakae and Mizuki's dynamic, and I just know if Soga wasn't in the picture Mizuki would already be in with Sakae again. Sakae is a soft touch and Mizuki clearly knows how to play him. But thankfully, Soga has already wormed his way into Sakae's loyal heart, so he was not tempted to waver. And for Soga, who is experiencing a queer awakening via his relationship with Sakae, Mizuki's presence was a much needed jolt to sort out his own feelings and decide he wants to try a relationship despite his concerns about not staying in Osaka long-term. I also loved the way their friends rallied around them to push Sakae and Soga to figure their shit out, and the sauna scenes will never get old.

Perfect Propose

It's official, I have adopted Kai as my child and will be forming a protection squad. This show is striking a good tonal balance of being fairly downbeat and serious, between Kai's past and Hiro's current work/life balance issues, but also uplifting in how their relationship builds. I like that they talk to each other so honestly about what they're feeling for each other, and Kai's quiet confidence that Hiro returns his feelings and just needs to come to terms with it is both hilarious and correct. My favorite thing that happened in this episode was Kai confidently noting all the ways Hiro’s body was responding to him and asking him to “be conscious of it.” Kai wants Hiro to be conscious of Kai’s feelings but also of his own responses, and he’s asking him not to look away from it and pretend he doesn’t know there’s something between them. I love the confidence of that.

And I sympathize with Hiro, as well, because it's not just that he's never considered being with a man before--he also just doesn't feel he has anything to offer to a partner right now given his brutal work situation. His guilt and shame for missing the festival after inviting Kai to go together was real, and you can see that he just can’t fathom having anything to give with the situation he’s in at work right now. The trick will be trusting that Kai can accept those limitations until he’s able to find a better balance, and then actually taking steps to pay attention to what he needs and wants, both in this relationship and in his career. Hiro has not been taking care of himself and it's catching up to him.

Ossan's Love Returns

A downbeat week for this show, and an episode that did not entirely work for me. I liked some of the themes they were exploring in this one, but it was all missing the humor that I've come to rely on and I don't feel that all the story threads pulled together as tightly as they normally do. In particular, my head is inquisitively tilted at the show's decision to make Maki and Haruta's wedding episode feel like such a misery slog, to focus primarily on the tension and strife leading up to the event rather than the joy it should inspire, and then to stay in the melancholy after a small moment of catharsis for our couple (and some season 1 flashbacks) by focusing on the sadness their marriage inspired in their various lonely suitors rather than their own wedded bliss. Seeing a wedding in jbl is a practically unheard of occurrence; a bit more queer joy was in order IMO and its absence was notable. I also thought the swing from Kurosawa beginning to accept a new role in Haruta’s life to suddenly going back to being lovelorn felt abrupt and poorly constructed. It's not that I think these ideas are unfounded given the show's focus on older male characters who feel past their prime for romance, but the execution was not quite right. And of course I am not too keen on the death flagging we got at the end for Kurosawa; I really hope the show will not take this story in a tragic direction for him.

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

I have still only seen the first four episodes of this; sadly, the next batch is not yet available to me. But soon! In the meantime, let's revisit Nomoto sobbing over a lesbian film. She's just like me fr.

Next week we'll be continuing all of these plus adding My Strawberry Film, the final Drama Shower (go here for an explanation on what that is from @bengiyo) show for the season! I continue to be delighted by this embarrassment of jql riches.

#chaser game w #sukiyanen kedo do yaro ka #perfect propose #ossan's love returns #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #japanese bl #japanese gl #japanese ql corner #shan shouts into the void

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lucy90712 · 8 months

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Could you do a Joao angst/fluff where like he comes home after the fanchats he got (look up if u don’t know) and he comes home all sad and reader comforts him and it’s all sappy🤭🤭 Thanks love❤️

WC: 1.8k Life has been tough recently with Joao coming back from loan at Chelsea and not feeling welcome at all back at Atletico. It's been awful watching Joao dread going to training every morning and coming back so upset but there is nothing I can do to change anything which makes things even harder. Throughout preseason Joao hasn't played a single minute and he's been publicly told that he isn't in the teams plan and he needs to earn a spot if he ever wants to play which we both know won't happen. Joao hasn't helped his situation by saying he wants to play at Barcelona which looks unlikely but anything can happen in the transfer window.

Today brings with it the first match of the season and all day Joao has been moping around the house and I've been trying to cheer him up but nothing seems to be working. We went on a walk with floki this morning which usually helps clear Joao's mind but today it didn't he was just as quiet and downbeat as before. I even tried to get him to bake with me as he loves that but he turned me down straight away so I gave up on trying to distract him and just let him mope around the house. Over the course of the summer Joao has been extra clingy it's like he's been hanging onto me in order to feel some sense of security which makes me want to cry just thinking about it. He's been the exact same way today, since we woke up he's been to touching me in some way which has mostly been cuddling on the sofa which his head on my chest.

When it came to the time that Joao had to leave he really didn't want to go but we both knew he had to so we said long goodbye to each other before Joao made his way to the stadium. He told me not to go to this game even though the team are playing at home as he's well aware that he's not going to get any minutes and he doesn't want me to be there to watch him just sit on the bench. I considered going anyway as I want to show my support but I chose not to in the end as I want to respect what Joao wants plus I think I'd cry if I had to see him sat there the entire game just wishing he could play.

Throughout the build up to the game Joao was texting me and sending me pictures with him and his teammates as he still gets on really well with a few of them. In return I was sending him pictures of me cuddled up on the sofa and some of me in his jersey as I know he'll like that. The texts stopped when kick off came around and I turned the tv on to watch as Joao is still part of the team and I like to see them do well. The game went really well with the team scoring 3 goals although they did concede 1 but a win is still a win.

After the match finished I went to change and do my skincare leaving the tv on while I did so like I always do as they often interview the players after the game and I'm used to waiting to see if they speak to Joao. When I came back they had a camera on the pitch which showed Joao training on the pitch which at first made me smile but then I got closer to the tv and heard what was going on. At first I thought I was hearing things but I quickly realised that the fans were actually chanting those horrible things at him. It made me so mad as he's still human and he's still part of their club but these fans have decided they can say those awful things about him just because they think he no longer belongs. The anger soon dissipated and turned into sadness and worry as I know Joao is going to come back super upset and just feeling incredibly down and I want to be there for him and try and make him feel better.

The wait for Joao to get home felt like eternity but eventually I saw the headlights of his car come through the windows at the front of the house. As soon as I heard the door begin to open I sprung up from the sofa and ran and jumped into Joao's arms which luckily he saw coming and caught me so I didn't fall on the floor. While I was in his arms I gave him lots of kisses all over his face before kissing his lips to show him lots of love as I know that's what he needs right now. As I went to pull away from the kiss he pulled me right back in for another kiss which I was happy to go along with. When we finally both pulled away Joao walked to the sofa with me still in his arms and got us situated so we were laying next to each other under the blanket I had earlier. Just as I was about to ask Joao how he was doing I looked into his eyes and all of a sudden tears began flowing down his face.

"Oh baby it's ok let all of your feelings out" I said laying his head on my chest and beginning to wipe his tears

"No one wants me" he sobs

"You know thats not true Joao you were loved at Chelsea it just wasn't meant to be and I'm sure Barcelona would love to have you if they had the money plus I very much want you around" I said trying to comfort him

"Even the fans hate me y/n how can I keep going to training knowing they everyone around me doesn't want me there" he said

"Those people aren't true fans any true fans wouldn't do that no matter what and you know your teammates like you I can see your phone blowing up with texts from them asking if you are doing ok" I said

"I know things are tough right now but I'm here for you and I will continue to be here no matter what" I added

"Thank you love I'm sorry for being so miserable having you here has made all of this bearable" he said

"You don't need to apologise I understand it's hard and I'll do anything I can to help" I told him

This time he didn't say anything else he simply just kissed the part of my neck that he could reach from his position. As much as I loved having him resting on my chest I had an idea of how to cheer him up that required me to get up so I let him cuddle with me a bit more before I told him to get comfy in our bed and I'd meet him there. Once he was gone I headed to the kitchen and to the freezer where I knew we had Joao's favourite ice cream. Usually he won't eat ice cream during the season as he's supposed to stick to his diet but ice cream always makes me feel better and I'm hoping I can convince him that the same will go for him. I got myself some ice cream as well because I think I need some too before heading to the bedroom with my two bowls.

Joao was waiting for me patiently sat in bed just looking at the door but a slight smile appeared on his face once I entered the room. His expression then turned to confusion when he noticed the bowls in my hands that was until I gave him his bowl which he tried to give back to me straight away telling me he can't break his diet. Eventually I managed to convince him that it was ok to break his diet this once and that I wouldn't tell anyone which was enough for him to decide to enjoy some ice cream with me. While we were eating I put Joao's favourite show on which he's watched a million times before but he is always telling me he could never get sick of it and I thought he would enjoy watching a few episodes.

He wanted to cuddle with me again so he settled in again with his head on my chest but this time he had his arms fully wrapped around me so we could be as close together as physically possible. Naturally one of my hands went to play with his hair which was a bit of a mess but I absolutely love it like that so it didn't stop me running my hands through it and scratching his scalp which he really enjoys. As we were laying together I couldn't help but let my mind drift to some of my favourite memories I have with Joao including some from recently which was just a reminder that even during hard times life offers beautiful moments.

"Joao do you remember the first time we went to Portugal together and you showed me the sunset on the beach?" I asked

"Yeah why?" He questioned

"No real reason I was just reminiscing and I love that memory it was such a lovely day and that just topped it off" I said

"I loved that day too you looked so pretty in the dimming light I just couldn't get over how I found someone so perfect" he said

"Little things like that always stick in my mind like the other day when we sat outside together just looking at the stars trying to name them even though we both know nothing about astrology" I laughed

"I think our names were better anyway" he smiled

"You know things like that always remind me that even though things are tough right now we still have each other and we can still create good memories which make everything just that little bit better" I said

"You're right love no matter what's going on and how hard it is having you to help me through it really does make everything so much easier I don't know what I do without you to remind me of what's important in life" he said

I could tell he was feeling much better about life after that as the light was back in his eyes and the smile on his face was no longer forced. Instead of focusing on all the stress in our lives he was looking at all of the good things instead which is exactly what I was aiming for as Joao just needed a new outlook on things to make life that little bit better.

#joao felix imagines #joao felix imagine #joao felix #joao felix x reader #football imagine

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txttletale · 9 months

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Sorry if this is asking for something too specific, but is there any high fantasy-themed, setting agnostic ttrpg system that I can, like, fit into the mold of a homebrew DnD campaign? I really don't want to drop this campaign that I've been running for years and have written tens of thousands of words for, but at this point the 5e system just isn't cutting it for me due to all the Problems Issues it has. Making fun encounters and areas to explore feels more and more impossible each day and it feels like I'm fighting against the current whenever I want to focus more on worldbuilding and character interaction or do something more abstract like sending PCs to the dream realm or whatever. Is there any less crunchy and combat-focused alternative thatd still let my players be clerics, barbarians, bards, etc or some equivalent?

i don't really believe in 'setting agnostic'. i think every RPG has to include some kind of implication about the setting in the basic functionalities of what verbs the characters can do. like, by including combat in an RPG, it's no longer 'setting agnostic', because some pretty big implications have been made about what kind of world these characers are going to exist in. but i digress! i know what you mean lol -- you want a high fantasy game that can be molded to the world you've already created.

fellowship is a pretty simple, classic high fantasy -- as you can imagine from the name, it draws heavily from lord of the rings. it doesn't have 'classes', though -- the playbooks are all themed around more general story rolls or fantasy peoples -- so if maintaining that is important to you it might not be for you.

venture is a game i haven't personally played or read but i've seen toted around as a pretty good rules-light game for this kind of setting and atmosphere. it's Belonging Outside Belonging, which means it's diceless and more narrative, with the mechanics hinging around a token economy (take tokens on narrative downbeats, spend them to do cool things). it does have classes.

quest is also a super-simplified take on the d&d formula which keeps d20s and class advancement while ditching more or less everything else. it's also free (at least, the digital edition), so if you're on a limited budget and don't want to put on your big skull and crossbones hat it's a pretty good pick.

whatever you end up playing, i hope you and your friends have fun :)

#ask #ttrpg

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fabiansociety · 10 days

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yakuza 0 is a good place to start the series, but it maybe makes more thematic sense coming between yakuza 5 and 6, since it continues 5's downbeat themes better than it leads into 1's plot, and majima's relationship and eventual separation from makoto prefigures kiryu's final abandonment of haruka and the morning glory orphans in 6 pretty strongly.

majima learns in 0 what kiryu doesn't learn until 6:

that attempting to live in both worlds harms the people from the straight world you want to protect, and that in order to keep them safe, you have to abandon them despite the love between you and resign yourself to be a dog without agency for abusive and powerful men who will use you and discard you without a second thought

it's a garbage lesson, to be sure, and you can see how much harm it does to both of them, but the thematic throughline is clear from 5-0-6; kiwami 1 and 2 in particular are active rejections of that idea, so the resonance of the games is a little muddled when played in internal chronology order, or at least it makes majima's role as protagonist less clear, since he doesn't recur with anywhere near the same tragic nobility in the rest of the series. he's not a foil for yakuza 0 kiryu, but he is a foil for the kiryu of 5 and 6, someone who suffered, who was out, and who saw his connections actively weaponized against the people he cared about. it would have been nice to have some of that conveyed in dialogue between the two of them — and it would have been EXTREMELY NICE AND CORRECT to give haruka the same narrative presence and agency in 6 as makoto got in 0; makoto at least got to end the relationship on her own terms in a way that haruka just didn't (and i'm still mad about) — but the game possibly functions better as a flashback than it does as an introduction as a result.

#yakuza 0 #yakuza 5 #yakuza 6 #makimura makoto #majima goro #kiryu kazuma #sawamura haruka #it's also a nice glimpse of majima after his presumptive death for most of y5 #coming in from nothing you lose a lot of meaning from the narrative #it functions as a story but not as well without that surrounding context

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sithstrings · 8 months

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The Bad Batch starts a band

I'm a professional musician and I've played with many bands and man when I tell you personalities match up with instruments😅so here's my bad batch band.

Wrecker:

Wrecker is the drummer. Duh. Wrecker quite enjoys the appeal of banging on things with sticks.

Wrecker hits the drums so hard, he often drowns out the rest of the band.

He goes through sticks so so quickly.

The whole drum set looks tiny compared to him.

He REFUSES to play to a click track, and insists he doesn't rush or drag.

Always gives his sticks out to the crowd after a show

Tech:

Tech plays keyboard

He's also the sound guy. He mixes the set, makes backup tracks, and he makes a light show.

Tech will also do percussion like tambourine, triangle, shakers, etc.

Tech categorizes their set lists and adamantly studies which songs people will like the most.

Tech totally gets into it and breaks out of his shell onstage

He knows much more about music theory than the others, so the others get confused when he speaks in musical terms. "What's a downbeat?"

The only person as technically skilled as him is Crosshair.

Echo:

Echo is the bass player. Bass players are so very important but most of them are just...there.

Echo didn't really want to be in the band but Omega begged him to play bass.

Echo is actually good at slap bass because of his metal arm.

He hates when the bass stays on the same note the whole time (don't we all)

Crosshair

Crosshair plays lead guitar

Crosshair can play with such accuracy and without missing a note. Because he never misses.

He is way to good to be playing casually.

He shreds.

He will solo even when there isn't a solo.

Most guitarists hate him because they ain't him.

Hunter:

Hunter plays rhythm guitar

He is perfectly fine not having guitar solos, soloing makes him nervous.

He's into metal.

Asks tech to pull up the chords on his holopad a lot.

Does not care what they play.

Omega

Omega is the lead singer

She actually sounds amazing

She owns the stage

She commands the crowd, she likes to start claps.

Has zero stage fright.

#the bad batch #the bad batch au #sw tbb #tech tbb #omega tbb #clone trooper crosshair #clone troopers #hunter tbb #wrecker tbb #tbb headcanons #tbb imagine

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hope7513 · 2 months

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The Music

An Ellie Williams x reader fanfiction

in which the reader is in love with her roommate includes : modern!ellie musician!ellie, composer!ellie, roommate!ellie, best friend!ellie, romantic/soft!ellie, angst, fluff, let me know if i missed anything. this is my first post so be nice

The soft, dampened sounds of Ellie’s work and thoughts being played through the small piano drifted in the air all that sunny, late-winter afternoon, wafting through the air, towards your door, and out the open window, to be replaced by a chilly breeze.

Ellie’s music was nothing new. She was constantly making something, working long term on musical projects and creations. It seemed as if she formed a bond with each one, never truly leaving them behind, while simultaneously falling in love with another of its kind.

And you listened. You grew and lived with each piece she made. Every day, the things Ellie created became more and more perfect, more and more enhanced and beautiful. You fell in love with the sounds, each of them outlining stories of experiences you shared with Ellie, the soundtracks to certain chapters yours and Ellie’s novel.

That certain day was one that was specifically tied with a song. Ellie’s current piece was unnamed as of yet, but you remembered it as one that was to be played warm and soft, while the harmonies danced around with each other in a way that created a beautiful friction— like of that between butter and toast.

You got up from your position of study to go out to get a snack, but also as an excuse to get closer to the blissful noises. As you walked out, you saw Ellie, somewhat disheveled; hair tied back but still messy, sleeves rolled up, glasses slipping down her nose. Yet, the closer your eyes got to the piano, the more peaceful the scene became: her arms moving and swaying along with the sway of the music, and closer yet, her fingers connecting with the music, in perfect harmony with the very things they were making.

As you opened the fridge, you heard the soft sounds of Ellie's playing stop, almost to your disappointment. "Hey," you heard her voice from where she sat. She sighed a small, tired sigh and asked, "How's your studying going?"

"Uh, fine, I guess. Really boring, though. What about, uh, that piece? It sounds really beautiful." Your awkward disposition only further cut off your ability to convey to Ellie how you truly felt towards her music.

"Uh, I don't know. Something isn't sitting right with me about it yet, but I can't figure out what it is." Ellie looked at you, her beautiful green eyes brewing up a request, sending a grin onto her face. She cocked her head, motioning for you to sit next to her on the small piano bench. "I think I might just need a fresh set of ears on it."

You took a spot next to Ellie, your right leg lightly toucher her left, and when Ellie was settled and ready, she began to play.

It was the same song as before, but an entirely different experience. The music seemed to be so much closer. In fact, it seemed not only to be embracing you, but even flowing into you as the vibrations of each note, soft and connected and warm. Ellie truly created a world with her music, and she had transported you into it.

By the time the piece was over, you knew you had to leave the magical world you had enjoyed so deeply, and give Ellie the advice she had asked for in the first place.

Luckily, even in your dreamy state, your mind was still able to be analytical about the music Ellie had played.

"It's the time signature," you said, pointing at the music. "You have it written in 4/4, but you're playing it in threes, so you gotta switch it to 9/8. That's why the downbeats are so fucked up."

This was when you got to see Ellies thinking process, through her facial expressions. At first she looked intently at her music with furrowed eyebrows, and then realization flashed across her face and she moved swiftly, changing the things that needed to be fixed. Once her process was over, she looked at me and smiled.

"That was exactly it," she smacked the side of your leg light-heartedly. You knew she was oblivious to the experience she had just given you. She stood up and stretched, groaning a tired groan.

You looked up at Ellie, admired at how she could produce something so beautiful so nonchalantly. "It really does sound beautiful," you said, standing up and gazing into Ellie's eyes. She met yours as well, matching you in meaning and intent. "How do you do it?" You ask.

She giggled and plopped onto the couch. "What are you talking about," she said with a grin and skeptical gaze.

"You know what you do." You try your best to shield your thoughts from how in love with her, and everything she did, you were.

"If you're talking about my music, uh.... I don't even know. It's a gift that I'm glad to have, though. It's like I just sit down with an idea-- like sometimes I look at a picture, or just sit by the piano after a nature walk-- and my thoughts just flow out through the music."

The two of you just sat for a moment until a question popped in your head. "What inspired this piece?"

A very light shade of pink flashed on Ellies face, but she brought out her phone and opened the photos app. She pulled up a picture of a sunset shining through a window, silhouetting a girl who looked down at the work in front of her. And that girl was- you...

You looked into her eyes and she only smiled back, looking just as deeply into yours, your faces hardly inches apart. The only way to interpret how you felt in that moment seemed through the music Ellie had played not too long ago.

#ellie x reader #ellie williams #wlw #ellie tlou #tlou #tlou2 #fanfic #x reader #first post #short story #part 1?#story #original story #fiction #writing #lesbian #fluff #angst

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j4m3s-b4k3r · 3 months

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Slow Horses

Fave viewing over the past few years has been SLOW HORSES on AppleTV+. A spy show with all the intrigues of a John le Carré novel, but if George Smiley was written as a sarcastic smart arse and every other spy was a downbeat comedian.

River Cartwright chased by one of ’The Dogs’.

The show focusses on spies who’ve disgraced themselves, but for various reasons can’t be set free into the wild. We are led into this espionage backwater by an earnest young spy who has become persona non grata with Mi5. His efforts to get back into the slick world of Regent’s Park puts him at the heart of the action in the series. Though he’s from Mi5 royalty (as his grandfather used to head the organisation) he’s banished to a shabby facility called Slough House.

Lamb uses his signature flatulent power-move on Taverner.

This kingdom of losers is ruled by Jackson Lamb, hilariously played by Gary Oldman. Famed for being a chameleon, Oldman is clearly having enormous fun here, playing this jaded old cold warrior, who doesn’t care any more. Lamb has let himself go physically, but is still mentally sharp enough to anticipate when he’s being setup. Which is often, and most likely by his Mi5 boss Diana Taverner (played with deadpan ice queen flair by Kristin Scott Thomas). Her disdain for the screwups of Slough House doesn’t stop her from using their services. These ‘Slow Horses’ are ostensibly kept on by ‘the service’ for menial jobs - filing and desk work - but they are sometimes caught up in intrigues too. Simply because Mi5 often needs fall guys.

Shirley & Marcus pinned down by The Tiger Team.

Mi5 is portrayed as a world of grasping political climbers. The higher up the political totem pole, the more damehoods & knighthoods there are. But ruthless sociopaths abound too. More than willing to sacrifice their underlings if it advances their own interests, or covers up a blunder. The traditional baddies of spy stories are here, but rather than the Russians or international terrorists, domestic political dirty dealing is responsible for most of the body count.

Min & Louisa surprise an intruder at Slough House.

For all their flaws, the Slow Horses have more decency than the ‘winners’. They are prickly & snarky characters, that are nevertheless likeable. A fave of mine is Roddy Ho, Slough House’s IT expert. His hilariously pompous dialog is brilliantly played to the smugly annoying hilt by Christopher Chung. Pint-sized firecracker Shirley Dander (Aimee-Ffion Edwards) and wily old school operative Catherine Standish (Saskia Reeves) are a couple of other faves, but honestly, all the characters have their moments.

Roddy analyses the kidnap photo of Standish.

The show-runner is standup comedian & writer Will Smith, who manages to deliver laughs aplenty but also real drama. Main characters can die, and probably when you’d just learned to love them. We enjoyed watching this show so much that, after finishing the 3rd season, we RE-watched the entire thing, and were entertained even more the 2nd time.

Jackson Lamb has an ice cream.

Having just exhausted all the viewing options available, Julia & I just began the book series that the show is based on, by Mick Herron. Though many details differ, the books are remarkably similar to the TV series, tonally. Added background details to the characters & plots make them enjoyable even after seeing the show. Hopefully they will feed us enough Lamb until season 4 drops at the end of 2024.

#illustration #reviews #tv #slow horses #jackson lamb #drawing #roddy ho #shirley dander #catherine standish #diana taverner #marcus longridge #louisa guy

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x-heesy · 2 years

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𝚆𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚘𝚜

𝙵𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚠𝚗

𝚂𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙰𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕

𝙰𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝚆𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚘𝚜

𝙵𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚠𝚗

𝚂𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙰𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚞𝚜

𝙿𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝙺𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚜

𝙸𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛

Chaos by Vimala @shadowanndeath 🤍⭕️🤍

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taizi · 10 months

Text

i’ve got my eye on you

tmnt 2k12 pairing: don & mikey word count: 2k title borrowed from say yes to heaven by lana del ray

read on ao3

“Mikey?” Donnie says, hovering in the doorway uncertainly. “Can I talk to you?”

Mikey looks up from the dough he’s kneading with round eyes, more bewildered than anything. No one ever asks if they can talk to Mikey. His presence in his family’s lives is like sunlight falling on the planet, warm and touching everything and taken for granted. They can always talk to Mikey.

So Don’s question is a weird one, but Mikey doesn’t mention it.

“Pull up some counter, Dee,” he offers instead, patting at the one square foot of the surface that isn’t covered in flour. His fingers leave little clouds behind. “I’m almost done.”

Donnie props his hip against the island and leans there to watch his little brother work. Mikey’s ADHD is textbook in a lot of ways, unpredictable in many others; it’s definitely been a fun learning curve for his family. Don did a lot of research. He’s read that generally people with Mikey’s disorder tend to struggle with tasks like cooking, that it can be an outright Herculean task remembering to eat or even just mustering the energy to feed themselves.

But Mikey loves his kitchen. He gravitates towards it in all his different moods. It gives his pinballing thoughts and restless hands something constructive to focus on with a clear and present reward at the end.

Right now he seems pleased with the dough and gathers it up in a neat little ball before transferring it to a greased mixing bowl and covering it tightly with plastic wrap. When the bowl has been safely stored in the fridge to proof, Donnie joins Mikey in wiping down the counter, mostly for something to do with his hands.

Something’s baking in the oven. Music is playing on Mikey’s phone across the room, acoustic and downbeat and soothing. This room is where everyone in their entire extended family comes to feel safe, even if they don’t know or won’t admit it.

“So listen,” Don finally says. “About earlier. During the race?”

A grin splits Mikey’s face, likely remembering all the fun he had. They’d been looking forward to the ninja race for weeks, ever since Leo first floated the idea.

Leo has come a long way as sensei. It was hard at first, finding his feet, acclimating to this additional burden piled on top of all the ones he already had to carry, but maybe not as hard as it should have been. Leo has always been more of a second parent than a sibling to the rest of them. He’s always been the one they ran to first, even when Splinter was alive; the boy who had to grow up too fast, the one who tried his dad’s oversized jacket on over and over through the years until one day he was surprised to find he had outgrown it.

All this to say—Leo can always tell when his little siblings and pseudo-siblings are due for a break. He poured hours into planning this event, all for his tiny clan of six, and it really showed. The race was part relay, part scavenger hunt, stretching for miles back and forth across Manhattan.

They drew cards out of a bucket to decide pairs, divvying up into three teams of two. When Casey drew the card that matched Mikey’s, he lit up with a manic grin and whipped his head around, a reaction Donnie wasn’t expecting.

“Oh hell yeah!” the human whooped, lifting both hands over his head for a double high-five. “We’re gonna make this night our bitch!”

“Language!” Leo barked, scandalized, like they each hadn’t already heard—and said—a lot worse.

Mikey, for his part, slapped his palms against Casey’s, giggling madly. Donnie looked between the two of them with a frown forming on his face. He had the distinct feeling that he missed something. They all tended to live out of each other’s pockets anymore, trauma-bonding at its worst. Its best? Whatever. If Mikey and Casey were buddies, Donnie would know.

They were both adrenaline junkies, sure. They both liked going fast, living on the edge. As a ninja clan, that was sort of the norm anyway.

But Mikey in particular could outrun anyone in his family any day of the week. Nothing moved fast enough for him. They tried to keep up with him, but sometimes he got too far ahead. He wanted to walk on his hands to feel the grit of asphalt on his palms and the blood rush to his head, or spin in circles in front of the stove while the water boiled, or cartwheel during katas because morning meditation ran too long and his full quota of focus was all used up.

Understimulated, touch-starved, eager for attention, desperate for—something.

Donnie just didn’t realize how desperate until he and Leo crossed paths with Casey and Mikey halfway through the race. From the rooftop, Donnie could see that the token the other boys were gunning for was on the opposite side of the BQE—across five lanes, up on the massive signage structure towering above the expressway. They were on the wrong side when they spotted it.

Smugly, Donnie thought, Tough luck—they’ll have to find a way around. That’s gonna cost them some time.

And then Mikey flew over the guardrail, sprinting straight out into traffic.

Donnie’s heart jumped up into his throat and stayed there.

He was rooted to the spot, like someone watching a train barrel down the tracks toward an inevitable collision. His body forgot how to breathe.

It took his little brother all of fifty seconds to dodge box trucks and SUVs like it was a children’s game, to a chorus of blaring horns from drivers that did not slow down. An eighteen-wheeler missed him by a foot.

Mikey scaled the structure, retrieved the token, and shoved it into the pocket of his over-sized hoodie. Then he waved both arms back at Casey, and pointed down at the guardrail immediately behind him, clearly indicating that they should regroup underneath the overpass. They both disappeared from view on their respective sides of the freeway, off to the next leg of the scavenger hunt.

Don just stood there numbly watching cars go by until Leo doubled back for him.

Raphael and April won the race by all of four minutes—and with it bragging rights to last the next two months, unfortunately for everyone else—but Mikey was in high spirits the whole way home anyway, bouncing with every step. Their brothers must have assumed it was those endorphins from a full night of high-speed play doing their job.

Leo rubbed the top of Mikey’s head with his knuckles fondly, and Raph said something like, “God, you just don’t slow down, do ya?” because they had no idea. They didn’t see it.

Donnie trailed silently at the back of the group, heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his throat, his eyes, his hands. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Mikey, afraid of what might happen if he let his guard down for even a second, replaying that scene on the expressway over and over and over. It took him hours to muster the courage to finally approach his baby brother in the kitchen.

And now they’re standing here together, and Mikey is humming under his breath, hands beginning to tap restlessly on the countertop. Donnie’s going to lose him in a matter of minutes. Trying to think of a delicate way to say it is getting him nowhere. He takes a page out of Raph’s book and just barrels in.

“I saw you run across the BQE for a token,” he blurts.

Mike tilts his head the way Icky does when she hears something she doesn’t understand. On one hand, he doesn’t deny he did it. On the other, more alarming hand, he also looks blatantly confused about why Donnie thinks it’s worth a discussion.

“We had to get the tokens to win,” Mikey points out, like Don isn’t the one who helped Leo with the rules and regulations.

Clenching his fists, and then folding his arms so Mikey can’t see his fists are clenched, Donnie says, “You wanted to win that bad, Mike?”

He can’t stop seeing the speeding cars; the smear of headlights in the dark; Mikey weaving his way across the lanes, his figure tiny and almost indistinguishable from the rooftop where Don was watching.

Donnie’s remarkable imagination provided the additional details: the way displaced air would have sucked at Mikey’s clothes at each near miss. The sting of the hot asphalt under his feet. The passing lights lighting up his face in fits and bursts, for seconds at a time, and maybe something distracted him—maybe there was a piece of glass or metal on the road and it cut him or he tripped—maybe a reckless driver merged lanes without warning—maybe, maybe, maybe one of a hundred things happened and Mikey was captured or crippled or killed, ripped away from his family because of a stupid, needless risk he took during a game.

They’ve been dragged through war, outer space, time travel. They’ve all been hurt before, in big ways and small ones. It's just. It’s different this time, because it was a game.

Maybe Donnie should be angry at Casey for enabling this behavior. Casey may not be their brother by blood but he’s their brother by every other known metric science has to offer and he should have dragged Mikey off the expressway by the hood of his stupid pink sweatshirt and lit into him for being so reckless the way Leo, April, Raph and Donnie all would have.

But Casey has his own reasons for doing what he does—a dead mom, an alcoholic father, a little sister CPS took away—and if he were a regular, neurotypical, well-adjusted teenager, he never would have put on his painted mask in the first place. He never would have fallen into Donnie’s family.

Casey would have been the one to run into traffic if Mikey hadn't beaten him to it.

Like recognizes like. That’s why they were thrilled to be on each other’s team. They’re both chasing something. They both have too much going on inside their heads to ever just be still.

And Mikey is always all smiles, always the first to offer his siblings a hug or a shoulder to lean on or a safe place to hide from the rest of the world and something sweet to eat in the meantime. Mikey, who hasn’t cried in front of his brothers once since the night their father died, who hasn’t come into Donnie’s lab after a nightmare in even longer than that. He smiles and plays and supports everyone and gives them reasons to run and shout and vent frustrations and groan in exasperation and laugh until they get sick.

No one has to ask the sun to shine, it just does that. And it will until it runs out of fuel, some five billion years from now. The star death was always going to be inevitable. Constant output, finite resources. Nuclear fusion that will hopefully last for as long as it needs to, but not forever.

The sun will get tired one day, and then it’s not going to shine anymore.

“Dee?” Mikey says loudly, in a tone that makes it sound like he’s been saying it over and over. Donnie blinks and he’s back in the kitchen, and Mikey is in front of him, more than a bit confused, more than a bit worried, but here and safe and whole.

Not even a scratch. If Don hadn’t seen it, he never would have known it happened.

He unfolds his arms and opens them. He doesn’t need to say anything for his little twin to spring forward, their plastrons colliding with a solid knock that would have winded a human person. The counters are clean but Mikey is still covered in flour and so Don is covered in flour now, too, and it’s wafting to the floor in tiny cloudbursts every time they move.

It’s the kind of mess Splinter would have made them stop and clean up. But it’s not hurting anything to let the kitchen be a little messy. And it’s Mikey’s kitchen. It’s the one place in the world where what he says goes.

He winds his smaller arms around Donnie’s shell and squeezes as tight as he can. Smushes his cheek against Don’s shoulder because he isn’t tall enough to hook his chin over it the way he’d probably like to. He’s warm and he smells like butter and baked bread and summer and boy. He’s survived every single thing he’s ever done.

Donnie closes his eyes and tries to replace the lights he can still see on the freeway with the ones here at home.

“Can I be on your team next time?” he says.

“Hell yeah, let’s do it,” Mikey agrees instantly. His voice is shaped so much like a toothy grin that Don can see it without looking. Mike doesn’t even know why he’s promising it, just that Donnie needs him to. “We’ll do a clean sweep, nobody’ll know what hit ‘em. B Team’s the Best Team, baby!”

He’s everything warm and light and safe about Donnie’s whole world, and he doesn’t seem to understand how dark every day would be without him. He doesn’t know what he would be taking from his family if he took himself away.

Donatello’s other siblings are self-destructive in obvious ways. Michelangelo, who is loud and obnoxious and has never known a secret he could keep for longer than a day, is somehow more subtle about it.

But now Donnie sees it. He knows what to look for.

#tmnt 2k12 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #hamato donatello #hamato michelangelo #b team #my writing #tmnt fic

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