#they SUCK but my mom is an angel who still wants a relationship w them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mercy-burning · 3 years

Text

Your Favorite — Part 1

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: When Y/N comes home from college for the summer to meet her mom's new boyfriend, she finds herself in a rather tough spot when she can’t stop thinking about him— And it seems he feels the same... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, masturbation (female and male), minor exhibitionism kink, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, breeding kink (kinda? i think? 😅) Word Count: 7.3k (do you see now why I had to make it a miniseries? alsdjfdk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

DISCLAIMER: In this story, Spencer is dating Y/N’s mom while also having a sexual relationship with the reader herself. Because of that, there are obvious undertones of cheating, alongside some perv-y tendencies when it comes to a partner’s daughter. That being said, Spencer and Y/N’s relationship is consensual. However— If any of what I just forewarned is something that you think will make you uncomfortable while reading, please do not read! If there are any more disclaimers you think I may have missed, don’t hesitate to tell me! There is another post I made HERE with some disclaimers as well if you want to know more about what this story will entail.

NOTE: This intro is already too long, so I’ll just get this out of the way: you can find visual nsfw inspirations for this story over at @mercy-midnight, I’m working on a playlist for this story on my Spotify @/mercyburning, and I don’t know when part 2 and 3 will be out, but you can assume they’ll be here within the next few weeks.

———

JUNE 5th

I hate my mom's new boyfriend.

For the past three months she'd been telling me about this new guy who's "The One" as if "The One" hasn't been like four other guys in the past two years.

And as much as I'd love for my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her life with, I don't believe she'd ever find Mr. Perfect at this rate. Unless she spent more than a few months with them at a time before dragging me home from college for a weekend to meet them, I really don't see it happening.

It just sucks. Because every time she does this, every time I return home, I see the glimmering hope in her eyes and the diminishing spark in his, and I know. I know it won't last, and her heart will be utterly broken within the span of a few months.

I always thought maybe she just had terrible taste in men.

But this time around, when I begrudgingly walk through the door of my childhood home for the summer and see my mother clinging to a man who returns that glimmer in her eyes, I know she's picked a good one.

And I hate him.

His name is Spencer Reid, and he's a retired FBI agent who teaches full time at local colleges now.

He greets me with a bona fide, radiant smile, unlike all the others before, and it sets my insides on fire. And when we sit down for dinner, he's polite (but not in a fake way,) and he seems genuinely curious about my studies and my personality and my relationship with my mother. And when dinner is finished he offers to clean up while Mom and I settle in the living room.

I see the way he looks at me as I leave, a gentle, closed-mouth smile and eyes that linger a little too long on my exposed legs before averting, a glint of shame pooling within them, and it only spreads that fire in my belly.

Maybe I'd been imagining the whole thing, because deep down I wanted him to look at me the way he had... But it's hard to tell when my brain is mostly setting off sirens, blaring "THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" on a loop with blinding lights.

And they're even louder when my mom wraps her arm around me and lays her head atop mine. "Well, what do you think? He's great, huh?"

She's so lovesick, it hurts. It hurts even worse knowing that all I can think about is his big hands wrapped around my throat while he fucks me into the squeaky twin-sized mattress in my bedroom upstairs.

But I can't tell her that, obviously.

And so I decidedly hate him. And I have no choice but lie to her face, embracing her joy and hoping that I'll be able to survive this summer.

"Yeah, Mom. He's really great."

JUNE 19th

It's been two weeks and I can barely stand to be in the same house anymore.

I try to keep myself busy by going outside, to the beach or for long walks in the park; but it's too hot for my liking, and our town is so small that unless I want to spend my time in the grocery store or one of the three bars on Main Street...

I'm stuck either outside where it's hot and uncomfortable, or in the house where it's also hot and uncomfortable.

We have air conditioning, of course, but that's not the problem.

It's Spencer.

I thought by now my little crush on him would have gone, but the longer he hangs around the house, the stronger my feelings for him grow. They're not romantic—nor do I think they ever could be given the fact that if anything serious really were to ever happen between us, my mom would disown me for the rest of my life and murder Spencer with her bare hands—but that doesn't make it any easier on me.

Every day he just exists, right in front of me with that tug-able mop of hair, those warm honey eyes, and his hands that never stop moving. I swear, it's like every time he breathes, his hands are breathing too, challenging me to try and stop them.

But I refuse to touch him. Because I know the moment I do, all will be lost. I won't be able to control myself anymore. And if I don't drop to my knees and try sucking his dick at the dinner table, I'm sure I'll blurt out how I can't handle it anymore and that I need him, and either way I'd be royally fucked.

Right now he's in the dining room, teaching my mom how to do a disappearing card trick. She thinks it's utterly charming that he can do it at all, but mostly that he's patient and willing enough to teach her. And normally I'd agree, but I can barely look at them without wanting to waltz over, grab his wrist, and suck his fingers into my mouth.

It's truly pathetic.

So I try to focus on the television just a few feet away. It's one of those rare instances where I wish our house was bigger, because while I don't mind having less wall-space between rooms, I do mind not being able to watch TV without the kitchen table in my periphery at a time like this. And I think about going up to my bedroom instead for a moment, but I'd have to go past the kitchen, and I just know Mom is going to ask if I'd want Spencer to teach me his magic trick.

And I most definitely do not want that.

In another life, maybe, where he isn't a hot professor and rather an average-looking dude who's way too into fantasy football... But not in this lifetime.

So there I sit, concentrating so hard on Family Feud that my face hurts.

When I hear a flutter of cards and joyous giggling from the other room, it's more than my face that hurts.

It's also my chest, churning and tensing at the hands of the green devil.

Fuck!

I barely even know this man... I haven't really talked to him because I'm afraid that if I try to hold a conversation I'll snap. He's literally just some hot older guy who's dating my mom, and still, my whole body twists and aches with envy when they do anything together, and it fucking sucks. Not only because of the jealousy, but it's also the fact that my mom deserves to be happy.

This time it's different. This time, she's really found someone who returns her every loving gaze, who makes her laugh, who's kind and genuine and not a total douche. She's happier than I've seen her in years.

And the one time she finally finds "The One", every waking second of my life is spent longing for him fuck me.

But it's only been two weeks.

And it's also been nearly two years since I got laid, so maybe that's just my issue...

I figure it can't hurt, so in a spur of the moment decision, I turn the TV off and sprint towards the stairs, right past Mom and Spencer before they can ask questions.

———

I hardly even register the dimness of the light inside the house by the time I glide up the steps, fumbling with the key and trying to make my entrance as quiet as possible. Though, because I'm so used to the dark by this point, the light—no matter how dim—nearly blinds me. The door shuts louder than I'd have liked, and I cringe inwardly, pausing as if that will keep anyone from seeing or hearing me. Not like it'll matter, considering Mom and Spencer are the only ones that are staying here and they'd also been the only ones aware of my plans for the evening.

Well, somewhat, anyway. I told them an old friend invited me out and I probably wouldn't be home until late.

Regardless, that instinct of trying not to get caught coming in late at night is stronger than common sense. Throw a little cheap beer and some shots into the mix, and it almost feels like I'm a teenager again.

The only thing different now is that I have a pool of some stranger's cum soaking my underwear and a man in front of me who stands like an angel. An exhausted, almost scruffy-looking angel more like, but my point still stands.

"You're up late," Spencer observes. It's a simple enough statement— not really judge-y, but I can tell that regardless of his knowledge of my coming home late, he seems shocked to see me coming through the front door right now.

And it's hard to look away from him. Just like it has been for the past two weeks. Still, I try, just barely avoiding his eyes as I cross my arms and fight the urge to clench my legs together. "I'm a whore. What's your excuse?"

Maybe not the best thing to say. But like I said, common sense? Gone.

"O—oh... Umm..." Spencer stumbles through his words, obviously stunned by my response, and the look in his eyes kind of makes me want to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. Still, I stand my ground and wait for him to continue.

He settles on a short, "I can't sleep," and then there's nothing else.

"Ah," I express. One syllable. I don't draw it out, I don't exaggerate it... This is the first real conversation I've had alone with him, and I've made it extremely awkward, so I sigh and take a few steps forward, trying to walk past him. "Okay. Goodnight."

I only make it a few steps before he stops me, his hand reaching out to tap my shoulder. "Wait—"

The touch makes me jump, and he pulls it away immediately as I turn to face him. My heart is racing at the speed of light, my panties are soaked through, and if I'm not careful that whole 'no common sense' thing is going to bite me so hard in the ass I won't have one left.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice is barely audible, and the gentle rasp it has to it seems to make me even more wet.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Look, I um... Your mom has been totally transparent with me about her relationships, so I know that she's been through a lot of them in a short amount of time... And I know that must be a little difficult for you. Especially now that I'm here... And you've been... distant. And I know that I don't know you that well, so forgive me if I'm assuming anything, but I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of making things difficult for you and your mother."

Too late, pal, I think bitterly, the gentle authority in his tone setting my insides alight. I'm positive that voice could get me to do so many things...

That's the alcohol and sex talking, Y/N, just shake it and move on...

He starts again, but I cut him off with a short wave of my hand. "Look, I... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I had a really long night, and I'm exhausted. I just wanna shower and go to bed."

I expect more resistance, but Spencer only nods. I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye, though this time I catch his hands clenching at the bottom hem of his shirt. "I understand. Sleep well."

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk a little faster towards the stairs, and I'm about to take my first step when I realize he's followed me. His voice calls out my name softly from a few feet behind, and it stops me in my tracks regardless of my desire to get out of there as fast as I can. And then I turn around and finally look directly at his face.

Big mistake.

His eyes are on my legs again, trailing slowly upwards until he reaches my face. The light over here is dimmer, barely noticeable at all, though I swear I can see red forming on his cheeks.

"I like your dress," he says softly. It's almost meek, like he'd been afraid to say it but took a chance anyway.

It's such a random, small compliment, but with the alcohol and endorphins flowing through my body after the night I'd just had, it nearly makes me quiver.

It also makes me incredibly stupid.

An amused, almost sensual grin forms on my face as I make eye contact with him, and I feel myself throb at the way I can just barely see his throat move. He looks like a deer in headlights, afraid to make one sudden move.

"Turning to flattery to try and win me over, are we?" I say slowly.

I almost think he'll stumble over his words once more, but again he surprises me with a full answer. It's only three words but it's clear, and his voice is deep, and I want to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Is it working?"

This has to be the alcohol making me imagine things... I swear I didn't even drink that much tonight, but it has to be an obvious lapse in judgement. The drinking mixed with the sex mixed with the dirty thoughts I've been having about this man lately have to be what's making this feel real. It's all culminating into this one big fantasy (or delusion, more like), and all I need is to shower and sleep it off.

That has to be it.

So because there's no other reasonable explanation that my brain can conjure up, I take a chance and throw Spencer a wink before turning and sprinting up the stairs.

And it's that same seemingly undeniable reasoning for this illusion that doesn't keep my hands from wandering in the shower. Even though those warning sirens in my brain keep blaring, telling me that the common sense is still there for me to utilize, they're drowned out by my thrumming heartbeat and the repetition of Spencer's soothing, authoritative voice, guiding my movements.

Keep rubbing your clit for me, baby... Just like that, nice and slow...

Warm water cascades down the front of my body as I lean back into the wall of the shower, but that's not why I'm so warm. This heat radiates through my insides, spreading like wildfire and bringing out small whimpers and mewls that I know I'll have to contain in fear of waking my mom from her bedroom right next door.

But then the thought of her hearing me next door as I cry out her boyfriend's name only excites me more. I keep it quiet still, but just knowing that someone else is in the house while I'm having these thoughts right now (one of them being the object of said thoughts) is what finally brings me over the edge.

I finish my shower on weak legs, definitely overstimulated now, but also feeling even more tired. I know that the moment I lay down on my bed, I'll be pulled into the sweet, soft surrender of a deep sleep.

Nothing else has ever sounded so pleasant.

———

When I woke up that morning after, I was feeling surprisingly calm. Realistically I knew that my whole 'this has to be an illusion' montage had been less truth and more inebriated babble, and the longer I sat on it the more I thought it'd all turned out for the better.

Turns out, tipsily masturbating in the shower to thoughts of your mom's hot new boyfriend was a surefire way to get it out of your system, right?

Wrong.

It really had been okay at first. I thought about Spencer almost immediately, and yeah, he was still hot as fuck—But there wasn't this overwhelming desire within me to jump his bones when I saw him that morning, his hair messy and his hands clutching a cup of coffee while Mom made breakfast behind him.

But that good feeling I had about all of this? It lasts only about a split second.

Because the moment he looks up and sees me, the mug falls out of his hand and shatters to pieces. His eyes stay glued to me, even as my mother darts over to pick up the pieces of the ceramic that are scattered about the table and the floor. And when she turns back to grab a paper towel, he still stares at me, once again at my legs.

It takes me all of four seconds afterwards to remember that not only did I talk to him briefly last night, but I also flirted with him after he complimented me.

That whole part seemed to have slipped my mind when waking up, and now that his gaze is bringing me back to that moment, that 'this has to be an illusion' montage is starting to become larger than I'd remembered.

It isn't until he finally snaps out of it and starts to help my mom clean up the mess that I snap out of it, too, going back upstairs to clear my head and cool the heat radiating over my skin.

———

There's a knock at my bedroom door about an hour later, and it sounds different than my mom's usually quick two-knock succession. That means it's someone else, and unsurprisingly, my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing him again.

"Yeah?" I call out, turning in my desk chair and meeting Spencer's figure in the doorway. He's changed, a rather nice pair of slacks and a white button-up shirt clinging to his limbs.

"Can I come in?"

"Mhm," I say. I still don't know if I entirely trust myself to say anything more than a few words to him, and as he enters the room and sits on the foot of my bed, I wonder if he can tell.

He tries, really tries, to look me in the eye, but I know that it's hard. I've been in the same spot. And then he takes a deep breath before folding his hands in his lap.

"Y/N, I want to apologize... When we... talked last night... It was kind of weird, and then this morning wasn't really any better..." He can barely get out the words 'talk' and 'last night'... And then he avoids my gaze altogether, staring at the floor and trailing off, trying to put his thoughts together it seems.

And that's when it starts to click into place.

There's one thing that both last night and this morning have in common, and I've noticed it almost every time I've caught him staring at me. At my legs. It's happened almost daily since I've met him. And then, the night I come home clearly having just been fucked, waltzing past him, entertaining his fascination with my legs and then masturbating to thoughts of him in the shower, he finally starts dropping mugs.

He must also really feel something here. Something similar to my own feelings. And really, that should be a red flag, because he's my mom's boyfriend, and it's a goddamned fucking mess...

But fuck, it excites me.

I'm still wearing my pajama shorts, silky and lavender in color, and I use them to my advantage, slowly crossing one leg over the other and just barely gaining Spencer's attention back.

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" I ask him, amusement dripping off my tongue.

I can tell from his reaction that he wasn't expecting me to ask. A few times he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it , stumbling before panicking. He's been pretty good so far at coming up with answers and explanations, so the fact that this time I finally seemed to have broken him down makes it all the more clear.

He must have heard me in the shower.

Right?

I'm almost completely positive that's what this is about. And there's one way for me to get the confirmation I'm looking for.

"So you heard me, huh?"

I try to keep my voice as plain as I can as not to give away my motives, and with my luck Spencer is so flustered that he probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all. He looks up at me, his eyes desperately trying to find something he can use to make up a lie, but in the end there's no use.

I've caught him. And he knows it.

"Yes," he whispers. He looks exhausted, guilty, and also a little like he wants to cross the barrier and kiss me.

Okay, maybe that part's just in my head. I really can't tell. But I do know that hearing me call his name out in the shower last night is what brought him to this point of severe distress. As much as that excites me, though, it also embarrasses me a little. Maybe if it hadn't happened we could have avoided further destruction.

It must read on my face, because Spencer perks a little. "Oh! Y/N, I'm not... I'm not mad or anything. I really didn't mean to overhear and invade your privacy... Really, I-I'm sorry."

The fact that he's apologizing to me right now, rather than acting all grossed out that I even did it in the first place, tells me he either feels guilty for not being able to help himself from hearing me, or he's just a good guy who loves my mom and doesn't want to ruin it because of a little mishap.

Either way, it's frustrating, because I don't know what to do.

Well, I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I should hint at it.

But then he does something. It's small, and no one would have noticed, but I've been fascinated with his hands since the moment I met him, so my eyes are instantly drawn there.

They're clenched so hard, his knuckles are nearly white.

He's nervous.

To ease his mind a bit, I hold off on poking the bear harder (though it's really tempting to see what will happen if I don't) and nod, trying to make myself look as apologetic and small as possible.

"It's okay... I... I won't make it awkward if you won't?"

His shoulders slump, and his body seems to relax. "Y–yeah. Yeah, deal."

He gets up off the bed and blurts one final apology before heading for the door, but that part of me that wants to poke the bear further makes me stand up and follow him.

"Spencer?" I call out.

He freezes and turns to face me, and I don't think he quite expected me to be as close as I am. I have to tilt my head up to look at him, and the angle gives me an added layer of this innocence I'm trying to achieve.

"I'm sorry, too..."

No the fuck I'm not.

Whether he can sense my lie or not, he doesn't show it. But I think he at least knows that I'm pitching my voice a little higher on purpose, and if that doesn't give it away, the way I'm staring at him sure should.

Still, he only nods and retreats.

All there's left to do is see what happens.

JUNE 25th

For someone who agreed not to make things awkward, Spencer sure can't keep his eyes off of me.

To be fair, I have tried to keep things fairly normal. I only really interacted with him if I had to, I kept my distance, and I saved my skimpier clothing for the strangers I was regularly going out to see almost every weekend.

My lustful feelings for him aren't as strong now that I've been getting some on a semi-regular basis and keeping myself occupied. I've been doing my part.

But I still can't shake him entirely.

Whenever he spends the night (which is surprisingly most nights), the occasional wet dream about him gets me frustrated when I know he's just down the hall and sleeping soundly next to my mom. On those days I try to cut as much interaction with him as I can, though it doesn't keep me from seeing the occasional stare he throws my way.

I wish I could say that I hate it.

But I don't, and it increasingly gets worse. It's only been a week, so there's still time, but honestly, I don't think there's any shaking him.

Today especially is one of those days where it's hard not to give into the incessant need to tease him and coax some stronger reaction out of him.

I talked to Mom earlier this morning about getting some new clothes, and she had this brilliant idea to have Spencer take me. "It would be a good chance for you two to bond a little, don't you think?" she insisted, nudging him in the side and silently pleading with her eyes for him to agree.

I could tell from the look on his face that he really wasn't ready to be alone with me again, but that only excited me.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea," I piped up, positively beaming.

Mom was so excited for us to 'bond' and also that I was gladly inclined to go through with it that Spencer couldn't have said no to her even if he wanted to.

And I was pretty sure he didn't want to.

Yet here we are, sitting in the car, the air conditioning so strong it's blowing some of my hair into my eyes. I think it had been his way of punishing me for choosing today to wear a short skirt, something I usually refrain from nowadays unless I'm going out, and it makes me smile. I can't help it.

I also can't help the way my fingers play with my skirt, dying to tease him some more. I just want to see, to know for sure that I'm driving him mad.

"No offence, but you seem weird today... Is there something wrong?" I ask him, lifting my skirt just a smidge. The air from the car blows the fabric in waves.

"You're acting this way on purpose."

Well, I hadn't been expecting that answer... All this time he'd hardly been confrontative, and now he's full-on calling me out. It's plain to see that he's finally snapped, and I would have felt sorry about it if I didn't find it extremely sexy.

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N..."

My name on his lips is a warning. He's clearly annoyed, exasperated, and I'm loving every second. "Don't act oblivious. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. I don't want to make you hate me or anything, but you have to know where I'm coming from. I was willing to let the shower thing slide... And you said you were too, for that matter, so I don't know what's changed, but it has to stop now. Understood?"

Oh, all I want is to argue with him. I want to point out that none of this is really my fault because he's the one who hasn't been able to stop staring at me all summer so far. I want to tell him that if he wants this to stop he has to make it stop.

But that isn't going to give me any of the answers I'm looking for or further proof of my theory that he wants me just as badly as I want him. And I am not going to fuck this whole situation up by making a poorly-timed move on him.

I have to know for sure.

So, I fold my hands neatly in my lap, sigh, and look dead ahead. "Right... We said no awkwardness. I'm sorry."

Spencer seems to accept my apology and continues down the road.

When we make it to the mall I think he's calmed down. At least, he seems a little more comfortable around me, and honestly I'm okay with it. As much as his spiel in the car turned me on, it also exhausted me to the point of silence.

Even as we walk around each store in the mall, I just lead and he follows, not saying a word when I pick out a top or a pair of pants or whatever else I need. And when it comes time to pay, he takes the basket from me and pays for it with no question.

Near five bags of clothes later, I figure I could get used to this new dynamic.

But then we pass a lingerie store, and I remember that the main thing I'd needed was new underwear. I start to turn into the store, but stop suddenly, pausing awkwardly and deciding to go straight ahead instead.

"You don't want to go in?" Spencer asks.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I can just pick some up later, it's not a big deal."

He sighs then, nodding his head towards the sign. "If you need to go in, you can... I'll just wait out here if you're uncomfortable."

I really want to call him out, ask him if he's the one who should be worried about being uncomfortable. But so far this afternoon has been pretty decent, and I really don't want to make things any weirder than they have to be.

Besides... If my theory is right...

"Sure. Thanks. Uh, how am I gonna pay, though?"

"O—Oh... I'll uh... I'll just watch the counter and come in when you need me."

"Orrrr, you could just give it to me?"

This time I get a laugh out of him. "Not a chance. Go in, I'll wait."

I smile at him and hand him the bags to hold onto while I leave, and it fills me with absolute amusement that he'd just given me one more ounce of proof that I'm right.

He's gonna have to come inside and pay for what I bought. He could have just given me the card, and maybe he truly doesn't trust me with it (which I don't know why he wouldn't honestly), but he chose to come inside all the same.

I browse happily then, going through the displays and picking out things I need, but also things I know Spencer will like.

Specifically, I stumble on a pair of lavender panties, embroidered with flowery trim up top. The pattern from the outside is lace, but there's a thin layer of cotton underneath designed to be more comfortable to wear.

I've noticed that he can never seem to look away when I'm wearing anything, really, but it's more intense when I wear one of two things. Florals, and any type of purple. And these fit both of those bills perfectly.

Now there's just one more bill to take care of.

I stride over to the counter and turn around, finding that Spencer's caught my eye immediately. Either he truly had been paying attention to the counter the whole time, or he'd been watching through the glass, following me with his gaze to the best of his abilities. Either way, he blinks a few times and looks like he's gathering the courage to go in before actually taking any steps.

I laugh to myself, eager to gauge his reaction to this next step.

Surprisingly, he holds up well. The air between me, him, and the cashier is obviously awkward, but he doesn't say anything and barely looks at what she rings up. (I say barely because he tries extremely hard not to look at the purple pair I picked out, inadvertently adding another checkmark to my list of proof.) She tells him the total, he hands her the card, and within a minute, everything is in our possession and we're leaving the mall entirely.

I don't think there are any more steps to my plan today once we get in the car and I tell him thank you. (To which he responds a short and simple, Sure thing, and turns the radio on.)

But then there's a note taped to the front door, and it instantly gives me another one.

My Sweethearts,

I got called in on a work emergency and won't be back until 7. I would have called but I figured you were having a nice time and didn't want to interrupt! I'll bring home dinner, and then maybe you can tell me about how your day went. Can't wait to hear it!

XOXO,

Eve/Mom

I check my phone, seeing that it's almost 3.

Perfect.

But I don't want to give myself away too quickly, so I thank Spencer again for taking me out and tell him that I'm going upstairs to make sure everything fits right. He nods and lets me go, though not without lingering eyes. I can feel it.

The smile never leaves my face as I try all my clothes on. Once each article has been fitted, I throw it in a laundry basket and move to the next, until I get to the last piece.

The lavender panties.

As expected, they fit perfectly, and as I look at myself in the mirror I picture what Spencer would look like when he sees me wearing them.

That's right. When.

I throw back on my earlier outfit and grab the basket, acting as bored and normal as possible to find him sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

"Hey," I greet him, setting the basket in front of me once I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Everything fits good, I just need them washed now. Could you run these down to the laundry room for me? I think I'm gonna make something to snack on before Mom brings dinner."

It doesn't surprise me to see him look at my legs before my face, even if it is brief. I want to smile, but I hold back, watching him nod with a tight smile of his own.

"Sure."

He disappears and then I wait.

One...

Two...

Three.

I sneak as quietly as I can to the laundry room once I hear the washer door open. I hadn't specifically asked him to put them in the washer for me on purpose, and it looks like now he's doing exactly what I thought he might.

My head peeks around the corner, barely in his range of sight as I watch him empty the basket. He takes one item of clothing at a time and throws it in the washer, and halfway through the basket he stops, just to place a pair of my new underwear on the dryer beside him.

My heart races faster the more I wait for him to get to the end of the basket. Once he does, he pauses again, and I think I know exactly what he's looking for.

Still, he sets the basket aside and picks up the stray pair of underwear, a simple black cotton pair that I'd been getting for years, and drapes it over his hands. My thighs instantly clench, and I try so hard to remain where I am so I can see where he takes this.

He takes it straight to hell, apparently, tentatively pulling his dick out of his pants and gripping it firmly. I can barely see since his back is partially turned, but I see enough, and god he's so fucking pretty. My underwear dangle from his left hand while the other works slowly over his erection, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

I fight to let one of my own slip as my hand sinks down the front of my body, past the lavender cotton and lace that I know he just wishes he had right now.

And then, a few seconds later he's already coming, using my brand new underwear to catch each rope of it, and the sight nearly has me on my knees.

And because I want to catch him in the act, I quickly draw my hand away from myself and step into the room, barely giving him time to recover.

"You come fast."

Spencer looks utterly devastated when he turns to see me standing in the entryway to the laundry room, arms crossed and an amused smirk adorning my face.

"Y/N... I—I... I'm so sorry, I didn't... I..."

"Don't worry about it," I say, taking a step towards him and shrugging. "You heard me, and now I heard you... We're even. Besides, I... figured you might be looking for these."

He's still stunned, but he looks down all the same, watching my hands slip under my skirt and glide the lavender panties down my legs. I step out of them and hold the garment up on one finger, a soft smile still on my face.

"I picked 'em out just for you, you know," I tell him, tossing them past his face and into the washer. "I've noticed that you like purple."

This time he's quick to respond. "Y/N, we... We can't... This isn't right."

"Says the man holding my underwear soaked in his cum..."

He looks panicked again, extremely guilty, but if this isn't going to end in a total disaster, then I have to reassure him that I'm okay.

"Spencer, I'm not mad..." I take another step forward, and it feels much like trying to approach a wounded animal. I can see in his eyes and in his posture that this conflict is killing him, so I decide to show some rapport. "And I know... I know this is messy... I love my mom... And I'm sure you care about her a lot... But are we really going to ignore this? We tried that, remember? And now look where we are."

"I..." He swallows, shaking his head and trying to avoid my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you... I can't..."

My hand finds his arm, and the light touch has him sighing out, an incredulous, breathy laugh escaping him. "Y/N, please... Don't."

"Don't what?" I ask softly, praying he won't turn me away. If he does, we're just back to square one, only the square is jagged, sharper than ever before, and in serious danger of injuring someone.

When he meets my eyes, I see nothing but a desire for something he knows he can't have. "Don't want me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. My knees start to wobble as I go down, keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I swear I see them dilate fully. I scoot in closer, sliding my hand up his leg and finding the words in my heart to finally say out loud.

"It's too late for that..."

My face moves closer, and the hand of his that doesn't currently hold my underwear flies down to gently tug at my hair, keeping me in place.

"If you do this... God, Y/N, I won't be able to stop myself..."

A smirk dances over my lips as I lean in, breath fanning gently over his exposed skin. "Don't."

He swallows. "Don't what?"

"Don't stop yourself."

I barely get the words out before his hand is completely pulling me towards him, and the second my lips press against the silky skin of his hard cock, he loses it completely.

His fingers thread through my hair as I kiss and lick my way softly up to the tip. Once I'm there, I swirl my tongue out and taste the small beads of cum that had remained after he came, a low, satiated hum radiating through my body and making him shiver under my touch.

And then I wrap my lips fully around the head of his dick, and there's no stopping the most beautiful sound I've ever heard come out of his mouth. It's a broken, desperate whisper of my name. The crack in his voice when he says it spurs me forward, and I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat.

That's when he tosses my underwear in the washer and uses both of his hands to grab my head, roughly guiding me along his cock and fully taking control of my actions.

The fire in my belly doesn't ease up, not even once he's decided that he can't take it anymore and pulls me off of him harshly.

And that's only because now he's fully turned over, finally given into these desires that have been plaguing him presumably from the moment we met.

"I want you stripped and in your bed, on your hands and knees within the next five minutes."

I get up off the floor and walk up to him until our bodies are flush, my arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"What are you gonna do to me, Spencer?"

He searches my eyes, and his own grow dark with the purest form of sin I'd ever seen. And when his hands come up over the back of my legs, and under my skirt to grab my ass and pull me even closer to him, I can't help the little mewl that slips past my lips.

He smiles, and if it hadn't been for the grip he held on me, I would have fallen to my knees. "Little girl, when I'm through with you, you'll have to come up with some excuse to your mom about why you can't walk straight... Is that what you want?"

The mention of my mom should send me running in the opposite direction, but his threat only prolongs that fire in my veins and makes me want him even more.

I tilt my head up and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do your worst..."

———

Turns out he was very true to his word.

Sitting at the kitchen table is somewhat of a relief, but I try not to walk around as much when Mom gets home. She'd asked me almost immediately if I was okay, and I told her I was just hungry and needed to eat something.

She seemed to have bought it, rushing to the kitchen to unpack the fast food she'd ordered for us. Over her shoulder, Spencer gave me a sly smile, and it took everything I had within myself not to crumble.

Through bites of food, I only half-listen to Mom telling us about the stuff she had to do at work because most of the words I'm hearing are in my head— A loop of endless dirty talk that plants deep into the soil of my stomach and spreads out through my whole body. It infects me, like the most beautiful poison, and I never want it to stop.

"Tell me, sweetheart, you ever let a man come inside you before?"

His weight on top of me coupled together with the heft of his voice has me whining out in pleasure, each snap forward of his hips over my ass as he pounds into me from behind the most delectable burn I've ever felt.

"Uh huh," I answer happily, twisting my head to feel his cheek against my own. "That night you heard me in the shower... I walked through the door with a stranger's cum soaking my panties... And you know what?"

He grumbles, his hips hitting into me harder as he waits for me to continue.

"I wished it was yours..."

My legs clench together under the table and I take a large gulp of water.

I feel something graze over my bare shin, and I already know it's Spencer's foot, a silent reassurance of his presence and that no matter what, he'll always be here.

"Here's what's going to happen..."

He has me on my back now, my legs hoisted over his shoulders and bent back so I'm nearly folded in half. His hips are flush against mine and I can feel his cock throbbing as he comes into the condom.

"You're gonna make an appointment to make sure you're clean... You're gonna make sure you're on good birth control... And then the next time I fuck this pretty little pussy, you're gonna really know what it feels like to have a man come inside you."

Right... Like I really need a reminder of his presence.

I can practically feel it still inside me, taking up every inch of space my body could provide. And no matter how long I go without seeing him, I have no doubt that it'll always remain.

"But that's enough about me, I'm sorry." Mom's voice shifts and breaks me out of my fantasy. "So, how did your day of bonding go? You have fun?"

Spencer and I share a look, a smile spreading over his lips that makes me smile in turn.

"Yeah, Mom," I say. "It was great."

He nods in kind. "Yeah... We'll definitely have to do it again."

His foot grazing over my leg under the table cements the unwavering smile on my face, as does the way my whole body burns at the memory of him fucking me upstairs only hours before.

I don't even flinch or get sick to my stomach when Mom reaches over and gives Spencer a kiss.

———

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @ssacalumsg0lden @emilyprentisslittlewhore @takeyourleap-of-faith @reidyoulikeabook @spencerreid9 @b-a-utiful @jareauswifey @flipperpenguins @pansexualthing @donald4spiderman @awesomebooklover17 @shemarmooresfedora @izraahh1 @bakugouswh0r3 @singularityjc @xoxospencerreid @thatsonezesty13 @big-galaxy-chaos

TAGS NOT WORKING: @ayla-1605

If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment and I’ll get on it right away!

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds smut

914 notes · View notes

obeiii-mee · 4 years

Note

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #⭐️ requests #🌸 comfort #☂️ demon brothers

1K notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''under the graveyard'' by ozzy osbourne

2 notes · View notes

bunidrops · 4 years

Text

was dragged into this by @lumarinara smh

what was your last...

drink - milk

phonecall - like three hours ago

text message - "thank u lunachan" in response to luna giving me this to copy 😔

song you listened to - Providence by Poor Man's Poison (SUCH a bop)

time you cried - like an hour ago lmao

have you ever....

dated someone twice - technically yeah

been cheated on - no but god said he loves me and he loves everyone :(

lost someone special - twice.

been depressed - still am babey B)

gotten drunk and thrown up - no im also baby

in this year, have you...

made a new friend - I have aye

fallen out of love/fallen out of a crush - nah :')

laughed until you cried - i do often, most recently because of this stupid fucking meme

met someone who changed you - since it's march no but im vERY different from who I was last year because of some ppl

found out who your true friends were - i guess???

kissed someone on your facebook list - who uses facebook its 2020

general...

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life - none because whO TF HAS FACEBOOK IN 202—

do you want to change your name - desperately

do you have any pets - N e d

what did you do for your last birthday - we went to a restaurant for like an hour then I was dragged to go grocery shopping it suc

what time do you wake up - either 10am or 2pm (both by force)

what were you doing at midnight last night - phone call with bf

what's something you can't wait for - to get new glasses i cant see shit with my old prescription

when was the last time you saw your mom - like 10 minutes ago

what are you listening to right now - i want you by mitski

have you ever met a person name tom - yeah two people (but both were nicknames)

what's your blood type - how does one know their blood type we

releationship status? - taken >:')

what's something that gets on your nerves - when people cant hear me / don't understand what i said ok i gey it I can't speak correctly leave me alone

zodiac sign - cancer

pronouns - i prefer they/them but since people don't like that she/her works too

fav tv show: supernatural!!!

tattoos - no but i want a whole arm of them one day

right or left handed - i usually use my left but im actually ambidextrous :D

first...

surgery - not had one YET but i need to get one soon because of some tooth issue (yaaay)

piercing - nope

best friend - this girl named Estefania in elementary, first day of school i was like I LIKE UR SHOES YOU'RE MY FRIEND NOW and she was like OK HELL YEAH and did the same to like 9 other people (i used to have a lot of best friends in elementary bruh i was so social)

sport - tennis

vacation - never been on one

pair of trainers - what the fuck are those

right now...

eating - old cookies

drinking- m i l k

i'm about to - watch an episode of hermitcraft

listening to - i want you by mitski i just SAID—

waiting for - tomorrow ig

want kids - ew NO

get married - fuck ye

career - what do i want to be or...? cause rn my only job is being a bitch

which is better...

hugs or kisses - hugs

lips or eyes - eyes they so pretty

shorter or taller - shorter cause short people are adorable (not dominant on any level)

older or younger - older ppl are typically less annoying ngl

romantic or spontaneous - spontaneous let's take a bath in orbeez

nice arms or nice stomach - nice stomach

sensitive or loud - sensitive, I don't like noise much

hook up or relationship - relationship

trouble maker or hesitant - hesitant pls calm down

have you ever...

kissed a stranger - no

drank hard liquor - no

sex on the first date - NO GODDAMNIT I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN BOY

broken someone's heart - I really hope not

had your heart broken - too often im w e a k

been arrested - nO I AM A GOOD—

cried when someone died - no

fallen for a friend - yeaaaah it sucks sometime

do you believe in...

yourself - not really tbh

miracles - no

love at first sight - also no

santa claus - yeah i saw him n my mom fuck

kiss on the first date - kinda gay but ok ig

angels - @candyecloud exists so yes

i tag: @alexussy

7 notes · View notes

bo0zey · 4 years

Note

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person???

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!!

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

11 notes · View notes

alenajade · 4 years

Text

❛ alexa demie, 19, cisfemale, she/her ❜ was that ALENA MONTANEZ i just saw hurrying across the quad? you’d think they would know what happens when a SOPHOMORE is late to class. then again, the FASHION major has been known to be pretty MANIPULATIVE. maybe being so VIVACIOUS helps keep them out of trouble. i heard that they are BISEXUAL and love DADDY KINK + SIZE DIFFERENCE

ayyye it’s G bringing ya’ll yet another lovable trash heap (i play Ezra too hi) ! figured I’d up my chances of being able to plot with as many people as possible if I had both a male & a female, plus I’ve been dying for a chance to use alexa as a fc so! alena is a brand new muse i’ve never played before & i’m super hype to develop her here for the first time ok so lemme just FINALLY get around to introducing this bitch real quick

OTHER KINKS: CHOKING, ORGASM CONTROL/DENIAL, BODY WORSHIP (REC), FORCE, PUNISHMENT + REWARD, ANAL, SPANKING, MARKING, BITING, HAIR PULLING, DOMINANCE, VOYEURISM, CLOTHES ON, GROUP SEX, SEXUAL PAIN, ORDERS (REC)(GIV), BEING FILMED / PHOTOGRAPHED

alena jade montanez was born that bitch.

was such a daddy’s girl up until age 6 when he left her, her mom, and her (at the time) 4, almost 5 year old little sister to pursue a new life with his mistress- after that, alena’s grandmother moved in with them, and her mom went through such a transformative stage that she had no choice but to pick herself up and make the decision to raise the strongest, most confident daughters she possibly could, because she never wanted a man to be able to break them the way the one she’d thought was her soulmate had broken her

and that’s exactly what she did

alena grew up in a small town in pennsylvania; her mom had wanted to move after the divorce, but decided it best for alena not to uproot her when she was already accustomed to the life she had there. her mom made sure she was involved in absolutely everything she could possibly do so she wasn’t bored out of her mind, often driving her miles and miles to bigger cities for gymnastics meets and practices, cheerleading practice/competitions, dance practice/competitions, etc

thanks to child support from her dirtbag dad, who never tried to maintain a father/daughter relationship with her or her sister after she left, and both her mom and grandma essentially revolving their lives around caring for the girls, alena never really wanted for anything- in fact, materialistically speaking, she was spoiled rotten

every toy, every lavish birthday party, every cute little outfit, and as she got older every expensive new makeup release she just had to have, alena always got, and she rarely ever had to make a fuss or ask twice, meaning she was bred into someone who absolutely despises being told no or being told what to do

her mom eventually remarried (alena would’ve been around 8) a dude who alena just never connected with or considered any kind of father figure, but he was loaded, and out of that deal came her step sister around her same age who she loves VERY much (wc!!)

she was head cheerleader at her high school, she was also voted prom queen, but she never wanted to be one of those bitches who peaked in high school,

so that’s why, even though she partied way 2 much and sucked way 2 much dick to actually be learning anything in hs, she got good grades and always aced her tests because she knew she wanted to be able to go to college and eventually move away- she chose noru bc it’s close to home so she can still visit her mom and her grandma, and ofc bc of its party school reputatuion

she’s a full on bratz doll personified okay she has a passion 4 fashion or whateva, she loves makeup and she’s loved making her own clothes from the time she learned to sew at just 11 years old, which is why she’s at northridge studying fashion- her main goal (is to blow up, and then act like she don’t know noboday) is to eventually get accepted for transfer to the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in los angeles and get out of PA altogether

she hates PA because... well, she feels fucking haunted here. literally and figuratively

lemme explain: my girl sees ghosts- like either she was born with something wrong with her (CW: f u don’t wanna read abt this spooky stuff or don’t believe in the paranormal u can go w/ that & skip this whole part but) she sees ghosts, str8 up, bc it’s been this way all her life, as long as she can remember

the house she grew up in was crazy haunted and that means she saw a lot of creepy messed up shit happen growing up- but the rly fucked up part comes in how, even after her family moved out of their house and into a new place right before alena turned 16... the creepy haunting shit didn’t stop, it got worse, with family belongings going missing, cupboard doors and windows all being found open in the middle of the night, incessant footsteps, whisperings, and unexplainable banging sounds.

instead of a new environment solving the haunting problem, it was like whatever energy had been in their previous home had somehow attached itself to her. alena started having horrific bouts of sleep paralysis literally every time she slept too deeply or for too long- this has continued into her early adulthood, and because of this she:

!!! literally, doesn’t sleep- like, gets as little sleep as humanly possible, as a person could possibly function on, and she does it with the help of her rampant caffeine addiction and (TW: drug use) stimulant drugs- you will never catch alena smoking pot or wax bc it will make her sleepy and she won’t feel safe

that also means she never spends the night with anyone because then they’ll know how fuckt up she really is, so she prefers to keep things surface-level with most people, putting on an individualized performance for anyone she is attracted enough to to pursue, but never letting it get any deeper than casual sex

loves and is so fiercely protective of all the women in her life!!! is more likely to be leery of or mistrusting with men, but ofc there’ll be exceptions

and YEA that’s p much what i have for her so far, like i said she’s brand new so i wanna do most of her development here in this group but i had to get something up !!

i’m working on a connections page for her but some stuff i’d love off the top off my head are !!! ofc her younger sister (would be not quite 2 years younger than alena, so freshman age/ just turned 18) and her step-sister (would be the same age as her, 19 going on 20), best friends / squad, (she’s a cheerleader but she’s not a captain or anything bc her focus is on fashion now that she’s @ uni), an ex bf/ gf / fling (or 12 ), fwb, enemies w/ benefits, frenemies, exes who hate each other but still fuck, a professor / administrator she fucks on the reg (bonus points if they’re older and/or married), anything ur lil heart desires ok hmu <3

#noru.intro #this is sO long and also so long overdue pls #love me and her anyway #tw drug use #tw ghosts #feel like i can FINALLY do replies and plot for her so pls get @ me

7 notes · View notes

thejustknowing · 5 years

Text

"I never said that"

The Truth You can't See.

This is my story and you are the first to see it.

"I Never Said that”

The Truth You can’t see Yet

He keeps telling you you’re being irrational and need to get help. He yells “Why are you trying to start a fight with me?” and slams the door. Your daughter is barely 2, and you find a hint of comfort knowing that she probably won’t remember this. He tells you he's moving out and taking your little girl because he needs so badly to start a manipulative argument. He says you take everything the wrong way. He calls you a victim and tells you it's all your fault. He makes false references about your own childhood to try to break you apart. He thinks he can still convince you of things about yourself that aren’t true, he wants to so bad. You can tell he truly misses those days. When he could gaslight you and play confusing mind games disguised as a conversation you 'think' you are having with your husband; about something real.

It's something wrong in your relationship that you actually want to fix, so you tirelessly try and try because you want things to be OK again. Over time though, this constant cycle sucks all of your energy and everything that is good out of you, but you don't know that yet. You feel broken hopeless and destroyed and you don’t understand why, but you eventually start to realize that something is very wrong. You must have missed something somewhere, this no longer even resembles an argument you would have in healthy relationship, probably not even in most unhealthy ones. It's irrational, it's confusing, it skips around from one thing to another, its fact twisting, it's blaming, it's accusing, it's getting another person's pain and problems thrown at you and piled up until you can’t breathe at all. At it's the worst, it's doubting your own perception of anything because of someone telling you that you're crazy over and over and over. He is starting to convince you that you remember things wrong, and saying that you make stuff up in your head. It's someone denying what they have said so many times that you can't be 100% sure of anything. Your trust in yourself is dwindling. You start to ask yourself "Who is this person in the mirror? It's being told that 'you' said what 'they' are denying having said, even though they said it to your face two minutes ago. It's being locked out of your house in the middle of January with shorts and a tank top on. It's being told you are a horrible person and nobody likes you. It's being told you can’t be trusted to do anything right and then getting guilt tripped because they have to do everything and you do nothing. It's having your baby used against you, it's being threatened to have your baby taken to a hotel by someone who is drunk because, "What you deserve is to be in a dark house with the power out, alone." It's being told that the cops are coming and it's because YOU are the actually the abuser and you are scaring them. It's real FEAR. It's slamming doors, sighs, silent treatments, and dirty looks. Its lies aimed to control how other people view you. It's an argument about money, laundry, what time the kids should be in bed, work, who left the lights on, a dropped dish, spilled milk, the way you said something, a choice you made. It's everything you do is wrong, and it's not Real. It's dealing with it, and on some level knowing, and saying nothing because you know it will make things worse. It's walking on eggshells every single day. It's downplaying your successes, it's really jealousy and deep resentment of your accomplishments, but you don't know that yet. You just aren't good enough, and that even what you thought was good about yourself isn't. Your strengths, talents and most admirable traits were the first thing he targeted, but you don't know that yet. The constant and unending ridicule and forever reminders of even the insignificant mistakes. You are careful never to make a real error in judgment or a bad decision because he will never stop reminding you. He will say "The truth hurts, doesn't it" He will exploit and expose any weakness or vulnerability you show him, he does not have the capacity to genuinely love, he has no regard for the feelings of other's. He is a victim when presented with any information suggesting he is at fault. He is a victim to control you and suck out your compassion even after he breaks you down for hours. He has a huge RED Flag, it's one of many you don't realize you missed yet. He is 100% incapable of admitting he did or said anything wrong. He cannot take responsibility, he only knows how to blame, twist and project. He is not capable of a genuine apology because 'You' are the problem and he is the victim. His personality makes him capable of one of the worst and most dangerous forms of abuse. You don't know it yet but you never did anything wrong, you were never the problem. You didn't deserve this.

It's slow and intentional and you can't understand it yet. You think this person loves you and would never try to hurt you. You are so wrong though, and if you don't figure it out soon you might never recover. How will you be a mom to this beautiful baby if you don't figure out what has changed in you? How do you get up for work and do your job that "the old you" used to excel and thrive at? How will you and be able to function much longer if you can't find your confidence and strength, 'your edge'. You don't know how to survive without the one thing about you you've always counted on when everything else was gone. But it's no use, it's not inside you anymore. It's gone. You ask yourself how could this happen? How could you have let this happen and not see it coming so you could stop it? You start researching and searching for something, anything to fix this. You'll one day be an expert on this type of personality disorder and the pattern of behavior that goes with it, but not yet. You've always been able to fix anything, but you can't fix this. You hit bottom, and you do the only thing left to do when you are truly helpless. You beg and pray to God and angels to help you. You can't get through this on your own, you beg for help and look up at the sky while tears roll down your face, and you cling to hope.

To your complete surprise the help does come, and it comes quickly, within days. The help sent to you is unfamiliar and strange, it's almost spiritual. It's an untraveled path of self-realization of how you ended up where you are. But this is no quick fix. You don't understand for a long time that there is no quick fix for this, and why. Help is sent in all different forms you couldn't see before, you start a sort of awakening. You start to see signs, coincidences, information, people appear in your life that seem to have been strategically placed there at just the right time. It’s truly amazing. But the dark realizations keep coming. As you put all the pieces together and start to truly understand what happened, you really hit the bottom. You'll see later that this is the only way to come back to life, but not yet. This is the lowest and darkest place there is. You could easily stay in that place forever. Getting yourself back to where you were, and who you used to be seems more and more impossible the more you come to terms with the reality of it all. There is nothing of what was. You can't even muster up the courage to ask for help because you are so ashamed of yourself and you are constantly blaming yourself for being so blind and so naive.

The worst is over now, but you don't know it yet. You are still just trying to survive. One thing you come to realize at rock bottom is that you have two choices, and that one of them is giving up and believe me it will be the obvious choice. It seems like the only way out, but it means giving up on your chance to be the Mommy your baby was meant to have, before all this. It means giving up on the "YOU" that you remember being your whole life. I know for an absolute fact that God, the Universe (undoubtabley both) showed me the ONE tiny glimmer of "the old me" that was left, and for good reason. They knew that giving up is something 'She' would NEVER choose. She would FIGHT and SEARCH and never stop until she found a way, just like she always had; with or without her edge.

So that's what I did, with no idea if it was even possible at all or if it would ever work. I spent two long and painful years of exploring, awakening and trusting in a plan I couldn’t even see yet. Then one day I started feel like me again; the NEW me. I’ll never forget the way I felt, it was like I had completely let go of control over anything and just let myself be guided by a higher power. It felt like freedom, it felt like light, it felt like love, for myself. The old ‘me’ was gone, and there was a period of mourning ‘her’ but eventually I came to accept it, and let her go. I hid this journey from every other person on the planet even those closest to me. I faked a smile, worked as hard as I could and hid the ugly, shameful truth. Out of the darkest place I began to emerge a new better version of myself, one I didn't know was inside of me. It turned out this whole experience was the start of a new phase of my soul's journey. I had a new purpose, and I understood the "Old Me" wasn't meant to travel with "Me" this far. So I left her behind and kept going. I understood the laws of attraction and the power to manifest strength where there is none. I now have faith, I realized my gifts, and amazingly I came back!

This is a story with a happy ending but there are remnants of it all that I carry with me. So much of 4 years of my life is still gone, my daughter is now five. There are huge parts of these years l still can't remember. I’ve found pictures of my daughter’s birthday parties and I don’t recognize the cake or the decorations or the event. When I try to remember, memories of the abuse like him taunting me because I asked for help while putting up streamers are what come back. I remember stepping down off a kitchen chair and just kneeling on the floor with my head in my hands crying on my daughter’s birthday, and hating myself for it. I remember sitting in my car crying on multiple Christmas Eve’s because he knew it was my favorite holiday and loved to make it miserable. I will continue to write In hopes of bringing back the precious memories of my little baby girl, memories still covered and buried by the painful ones that I unknowingly blocked. I am a survivor of a long encounter with a monster I could have never seen coming. They don't teach you about these kind of monsters growing up, even though ARE the REAL ones. They don't live under your bed, or in your dark scary attic at night. They don't wear scary masks, or have horns and sharp teeth. They look like whatever you want them to, they are the greatest of imposters. They look like love, infatuation and friendship. Sometimes they look like your parent. They are all the same, they have the same cruel games and tricks up their sleeve to break you. And trust me, if you think you are unbreakable or immune to this, think again. I was one of strongest, most confident, and intelligent woman I knew on my 30th birthday. I was successful, healthy and happy with where I was at in my life. I felt the best I ever had, my mom surprised me and flew out from NY to help me pick out my wedding dress that day. This nightmare started before I turned 32. I hope to someday be able to educate as many people as I can about narcissistic and emotional abuse. Woman and men both need to be able to recognize the hundreds of subtle little tactics that these people use to slowly destroy you. There ARE so many red flags and you can protect yourself, but only with knowledge and awareness of what this type of abuse is and how it happens. If this sounds anything like your life, know you are not alone and know that THIS IS YOUR SIGN. If this sounds like something you have never experienced, you were meant to see this so you never have to.

#narcisistic #emotional abuse #mental abuse #toxic people #toxic #abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #projecting #healing #awakening

7 notes · View notes

waywardnerd67 · 5 years

Text

Devoted

Summary: After Amara brings back two people specifically for (Y/N) and Dean, life as they know it changes forever. Finding out more about her past from her dad and figuring out her relationship with Dean, (Y/N) gets the surprise of her life. Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Mary Winchester, Alec (OMC), Reader Pairing: Dean x Reader Warnings: Fluff/Angst Word Count: 5592 A/N #1: Requested by the wonderful: @witch-of-letters as a sequel to her previous request. A/N #2: As always this is unbeta so all mistakes are mine. Likes, comments and reblogs are splendid and I will love you doubly for them! Enjoy! Special Note: Dialogue italicized is from Supernatural episodes 12x13 “Family Feud” and 12x14 “The Raid”. They are owned by WB and I claim no ownership what-so-ever.

Check Out First Part: Sacrifice

“Where am I? Who are you?” He asked taking a step away from her.

(Y/N) stood there stunned not believing what she was seeing. Then Amara’s words echoed in her mind, “You gave me what I needed most, and I want to return that favor.”

“Dad, it’s me. (Y/N).” she said taking a careful step towards him.

Her father shook his head, “No my daughter is eight years old…”

(Y/N)’s heart ached in her chest, “Your name is Alec (Y/L/N). You were born in Manchester, England on October 27, 1944. You went to Kendrick’s Academy like your father and his father before him. Then you were inducted to the British Men of Letters when you were eighteen. I was born on (Y/BD) and you raised me on your own until…”

“I died… (Y/N), is it really you?” he asked his eyes wide.

She nodded swallowing down the emotions trying to erupt out of her, “It’s me, dad.”

Suddenly her father closed the distance between them hugging her tightly, “H-How long have I been away?” he asked his voice cracking slightly.

“Twenty-five years. A lot has changed. Come on, let’s see if we can find a phone so I can call on my friends to come get us.” She said as they started walking towards the main road.

“Where exactly are we?” he asked looking around.

She chuckled, “Welcome to America.” He looked over at her stunned.

It took them a few days to get back to Lebanon and the Bunker. During that time, (Y/N) filled her father in on everything that had happened leading to him being brought back to life. When they walked up to the front door of the Bunker, he was surprised to see her pull out a Men of Letters key.

“You’re still in the Men of Letters?” he asked with a bit of anger laced in his tone.

She shook her head, “I’m not anymore. This is the American Men of Letters Bunker that is now run by the Winchesters.”

“Winchesters? I knew a Henry Winchester.” He said as she unlocked the door.

“Henry was their grandfather. Sam and Dean were brought up hunters and only discovered their Men of Letters connection a few years ago. It is nothing like it was in England.” She explained trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

Walking into the Bunker, she heard a lot of commotion going on. Three sets of eyes were narrowed in on her as well as three guns. “Whoa! Whoa! Guys, it’s me.” She called out.

Dean was the first one to lower his weapon staring up at her, “(Y/N)?” he asked his voice trembling slightly.

“Hey Dean.” She said bashfully never thinking she would see him again. (Y/N) walked down the stairs as Dean walked towards her hesitantly. “It’s really me, Dean. I’m okay.”

She stood in front of him as he reached his hand out touching her shoulder. Upon feeling she was real, he quickly pulled her into his arms hugging her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He whispered into the crook of her neck.

(Y/N) could not help the tears falling down her cheeks, “So am I.” she took a step back wiping her face then motioned for her dad to come down. “Dean, Sam this is Alec, my father.”

Sam was now walking towards them, “Father?” he asked as she nodded.

Her dad reached out his hand to Sam who shook it and then to Dean. She noticed the stern look he was giving Dean as he shook his hand. She sighed looking up at him as he smiled, “Nice to meet you gentlemen. I knew your grandfather, he was a good man.”

The brothers nodded and then (Y/N) noticed movement behind them. “Hi, I’m Mary. Mary Winchester.”

(Y/N)’s eyes snapped up to Dean whose cheeks were pink, “Mom this is (Y/N) and her father, who is back from dead like you.”

After a few awkward moments of silence, Sam and Dean explained how they had found her on their way back to the Bunker. Then how Sam had been kidnapped and tortured by the British Men of Letters. (Y/N) decided to show her dad to one of the bedrooms so he could rest. She walked down to her own room sitting on her bed trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened. There was a knock on her door before it opened.

“Hey.” Dean said walking in and closing her door.

The tension between them was thick as she looked down at her feet, “Hey there.” She whispered.

Dean sat down next to her and took her hand in his, “I know it’s been a weird few days.”

“Weird is an understatement. Fixing things between God and sister, our dead parents coming back to life and Sam being kidnapped by my former organization who is actively looking for me.” She said.

Hearing his chuckle made her smile. “Yeah, never a dull moment around here. I just want to make sure you’re okay. That… we’re okay?”

The nervousness in his voice caught her attention immediately. Everything that had happened did not have him worried, but what was happened between them did. “Dean, we will always be okay. I know we both had that confess everything before I die moment, but I don’t want you to think that anything has to come of it. You will always be my best friend and partner.”

Looking up at him, she watched as he leaned in kissing her. His hand sliding behind her neck cradling her head as his lips moved with hers. When they parted with their foreheads resting against one another she looked up into his mossy eyes and simply nodded answering his silent question.

That night everything changed for her. Making an intimate connection with Dean had such a powerful effect on her that she could feel her powers surging throughout her body. As she lied there securely in Dean’s embrace she knew no matter what life would bring their way they could get through it together.

The next morning, as they entered the kitchen together they saw Castiel nervously pacing in the hallway. “Morning sunshine, everything okay?” Dean asked as Castiel’s blue eyes narrowed in on her.

“Yes, I just need to speak with (Y/N) for a moment.” He said as she nodded following him into the library.

“Nice to see you again Cas.” She said chuckling as he faced her with a stern look.

“Why did you not tell me? I always thought it was your powers as a witch that was different about you, but it is not just that.” He said pacing in front of her.

(Y/N) grabbed a hold of his arm stopping him, “What are you talking about?”

He stared down at her, “(Y/N) you’re a nephilim and now you are bringing more nephilims into this world.”

Her jaw slacked as her body began to tremble, “No. No, I’m not a nephilim. There’s no way that I could be one and what the hell do you mean I’m bringing more of them into this world?”

Castiel placed his hand on her forehead and suddenly she felt like she was being sucked into a vortex. Flashes from her childhood coming before her eyes. Then one particular memory became clear that she never knew she had. Her father crying as her mother lied in bed holding his hand. Her eyes glowed blue and then she watched her body go limp.

The next thing she saw was two little girls running around the Bunker garage. One who looked identical to her with (Y/C/H) hair and (Y/C/E) eyes wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. She was chasing the other girl who looked just like Dean with golden hair and bright green eyes wearing a green dress. Dean was bent over the engine of Baby laughing as he looked up to see the girls playing. Then his eyes seemed to shift over to her and a beaming smile spread across his face.

(Y/N)’s eyes shot open, her breathing erratic as Castiel helped her into one of the chairs. “W-What. The. Hell. Was. That?” she said as Castiel knelt in front of her.

“Your mother was possessed by an angel when she became pregnant with you. That angel was the only thing keeping her vessel alive after giving birth to you. Just before she passed she told your father the truth of what happened.” He explained.

She looked down at him as her hand ran over her stomach, “Those little girls, they’re…” she could not finish her question.

The angel nodded, “Your and Dean’s daughters. They will be a quarter angel and the rest human.”

Her mind was reeling at all the information looking down at her stomach. Twins. Little girls growing within her after one time with Dean. The thought of him sent panic throughout her body. She reached out gripping Castiel’s hands.

“Please don’t tell Dean or anyone else about this. We have enough going on with our parents coming back and the Brits. He doesn’t need this added on top of this. Cas, promise me you won’t tell him.” She begged.

He looked conflicted as his eyes darted back and forth, “Okay (Y/N), I promise. However, you won’t be able to keep it secret for long. It does not take as long to birth a nephilim and he will notice the change in you.”

She nodded squeezing his hands, “Thank you. I promise I will figure out a time to tell him.”

“Tell who what?” Dean asked walking into the library with a couple of plates of breakfast.

She smiled nervously at him, “Telling my dad that you and I are a thing now. In his eyes, I’m still eight-years-old.”

Dean’s brilliant green eyes went wide in fear as she started laughing. Over the next few weeks everything was going well for them. Until one evening (Y/N) and Dean were laying in his room watching a movie on his laptop when they heard all kinds of shouting.

“How could you work with them after everything they have done to both our families!” (Y/N) heard her dad yell as they walked into the library.

Alec and Mary were standing toe to toe both angrily staring the other down. “Their methods are effective and I, for one, want a world without monsters in it!” Mary yelled right back.

“What is going on?” Dean called out stepping in between them to separate them.

“Going on Mary, tell them.” Alec said.

She looked down to the table nervously just as Sam walked in. (Y/N) was standing next to Dean as all eyes were focused on Mary.

“There's no easy way to say it, so I'm just gonna say it. I have sort of... been working with the British Men of Letters.” She looked up at her sons to see their reactions.

Sam leaned forward stunned stammering, “M– You – you, uh... you what?”

“Ah.” Dean said seemingly unsurprised, but (Y/N) could see the betrayal shining in his eyes. Dean glanced to Sam who crossed his arms over his chest.

“Mom... we, um... we have a-a history with them.” He was trying to remain calm, but the strain could be heard in his voice.

Mary sighed, “I know, Sam. And it was a hard decision. But they're doing good work. I have helped them save people, a lot of people. We can learn from them.” She brought her eyes up to Dean who was giving her his best bitchface. “Do not give me the face.”

“What face?” he asked. (Y/N) instinctively reached out to rub his back hoping it would calm him a bit.

Mary was beginning to look defeated, “You know the face.”

Dean scoffed, “There's no face.”

“That's the face.” She motioned frustrated and looked away from him.

”Mom, we have our own tool kit, and it works just fine. A-and for obvious reasons, like broken ribs and burnt feet... We don't trust the Brits.” Sam ever trying to be the voice of reason said.

Dean huffed sliding his arm around (Y/N). She could feel the tension in his body as he spoke, “So where does that leave us?”

Mary voice was soft, “Same as always. Family.” Seeing her sons skeptical looks she pleaded with them. “Just hear me out. Please.”

“No. We will not hear you out.” Alec’s voice startled them all a bit. He stood in front of (Y/N) and Dean as he spoke, “I will not put up with anyone who associates themselves with the British Men of Letters. So, I suggest you leave.”

Mary glared at Alec before looking to her sons, “I'm doing this for you. I'm playing three decades of catch up here.”

Dean huffed, “And we're not? How do you think this has been for us? We're your sons, and you've been gone. Our whole lives, you've been gone.” The desperation in his voice broke your heart as he continued, “You said that you needed time. No, you said you need space. So, we gave you your space. But you didn't need just space. No, you needed space from us.”

“That's not true. Dean, I'm trying…” She began to say, but Dean interrupted her.

“How 'bout for once, you just try to be a mom?” (Y/N) gripped his hand trying to keep back her own tears. Stupid pregnancy hormones had been wreaking havoc on her lately.

Mary sighed taking a deep breath before speaking, “I am your mother, but I am not "just a mom." And you are not a child.”

Dean looked right at her his face showing no emotion, “I never was. So, between us and them.”

“It's not like that.” Mary said shaking her head looking to (Y/N) for a little help but she stood beside Dean.

“Yeah, Mary, it is. And you made your choice. So, there's the door.” He said pointing to the Bunker door.

Devastated she looked to her other son, “Sam…”

Dean let go of (Y/N) and walked off towards the hallway to their room. (Y/N) looked over to Sam who was standing up, “You should go.” He said as he followed Dean out of the room.

Mary looked defeated as she turned her grey eyes towards (Y/N) who looked sympathetically towards her, but also began walking the same path as Sam and Dean. Mary reached out gently grabbing her arm and (Y/N) snatched it out of her grasp.

“You made your bed Mary. Now lay in it.” She snapped at her and then took off towards Dean’s room.

The next few days were rough as Sam and Dean sulked around the Bunker while her dad kept going on and on about not being able to trust her or the Brits. (Y/N) was beginning to worry about showing and was relying on baggy clothing to hide it but she knew it would not last long.

One night, she snuck out of her room tip toeing to the garage with a bag in her hand. She had text Castiel the night before to meet her outside the entrance of the garage. However, she was not expecting to see Dean sitting in Baby with a bottle of whiskey alone. She set her bag down and leaned over the open passenger side window.

“Hey there handsome, whatcha doing out here?” she asked as he looked over at her with a sad smile.

“Hop in, sweetheart.” He said as she climbed in. She pulled the flannel she stole of his over her stomach more trying to hide the obvious bump she had going on.

She snatched the bottle from his hands and secured the cap on it before setting it on the floorboard, “Dean, what are you doing out here?” she asked.

He leaned over placing his head in her lap and she could feel her chest tightening with panic being so close to her stomach. “I hate it that my mom is working for the Brits. Even though we’ve come to an understand with them. For once, I just want her to choose Sam and I over anyone else. I just hate being lied too.”

(Y/N) let out a strangled breath. As Dean continued to talk out his feelings she could not help but have her own thoughts shouting in her head. His voice brought her out of her racing thoughts.

“(Y/N)? You okay?” he asked looking up at her.

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out as Dean quickly sat up staring at her.

His eyes were wide, “Come again?” he asked.

“I’m pregnant and apparently I’m also a nephilim because my mother was possessed by an angel when she got pregnant with me. I’m also having twin girls. You’re the father.” Everything she said came out in one big gush of air before she lost her nerves to say it to him.

Dean sat back in his seat running his hands over his face. His silence was making (Y/N) anxious and restless. Not being able to take it she got of the car making her way towards her bag. She heard his door shut and his boots coming towards her.

“Where are you going?” he asked as she picked up her bag turning to face him.

She let her swollen belly show hearing a small gasp escape his lips. “I’m having Castiel take me to Donna’s cabin. It won’t be long until the twins are born and none of you need that stress right now.”

She went to walk pass him, but he grabbed her gently pulling her against him. “Wait a damn minute, (Y/N). Let’s talk this through before either of us make any rash decisions.”

She shook her head, “Dean there’s nothing to talk about. You just poured out your feelings about your mom lying to you. I have been lying to you for a few weeks now about this. I just didn’t want to add to your stress, but I can’t hide this anymore. I can’t let the Brits find out or they will come for me and I’ll be damned if I let any take my babies away from me. It’s best if I disappear.”

“Best for who? For you? What about me? Did you ever think what I may want? Those babies may be part angel but they also part Winchester. I want to be a part of their lives!” His voice was getting louder, and her body was trembling.

She stepped back from him as he took a deep breath, “Dean do you really think it’s best for us to have twins running around here?”

He looked over to her cautiously stepping closer to her. His hand reached out lacing his fingers with hers instantly easing the tension in her body. “I think that we all the crap we see and deal with that having two bundles of joy here will help us all keep our focus on what is important. Plus, this will be the closest to an apple pie life I will ever get, and I want it. I want to be with you and those little girls.”

(Y/N) had tears streaming down her cheeks as he pulled her against his body. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he held her tightly. She heard the door from the outside opening and Dean turned them to see who was coming in.

“Everything okay?” she heard Castiel ask as she pulled back slightly looking up at Dean.

He was smiling down at her then looked to his best friend, “Everything is great. I’m going to be a dad.”

The next morning, they told Sam and her dad the good news. While Dean was off calling Mary, (Y/N) was able to have a heart to heart conversation with her father about not telling her about being a nephilim. They both cried and hugged but then she asked him for something she knew would be difficult for him.

“You have to forgive Mary. Not only because her son and your daughter are having both of your grand babies. You need to forgive her because it’s not worth the energy to hate her. I want us all to get along because we are all that we have. We’re family.” She placed her hand over his as he pursed his lips together.

Sighing he nodded, “I will speak with her and make amends, but I’m not going anywhere near the Brits unless it’s to kill them.”

(Y/N) laughed, “Duly noted. Thank you, dad.”

The next few months were difficult as they chased down Lucifer and the carrier of his child, Kelly Kline. Castiel went off the grid in search of her and now the brothers along with Mary were searching for him. (Y/N) was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable the bigger she was getting. Along with physical being uncomfortable her witch and angelic powers were becoming stronger and harder to control.

She was confined to the Bunker, so the British Men of Letters could not find her. When showed up to the Bunker, (Y/N) thought nothing of it until she knocked her out. When (Y/N) came to she looked around seeing that she was in a locked room bound to a table. Struggling against the restraints she heard the door opening seeing the one person she never wanted to see again in her life.

“Hello (Y/N), lovely to see you awake.” Arthur Ketch said as she glared up at him.

She watched as Mary walked in the room standing off to the side. “Mary, what the hell is going on?”

“Mary, be a dear and going fetch me Lady Bevell.” Ketch said as Mary obediently walked out of the room.

“What are you going to do with me?” she asked Ketch’s smile putting fear in her soul.

He leaned against the table, “We will make you as obedient as Mary and your lovely babies will be trained soldiers for the British Men of Letters.”

(Y/N) let out a low growl as she tried to access her powers, “You will never go near my babies.” She seethed as the door opened again.

“Mr. Ketch, you sent your pet to get me.” Toni Bevell said as she entered the room. (Y/N) could feel her body wearing down the more she struggled. Lately she had been exhausted from the pregnancy.

He walked towards Lady Bevell, “Yes. I would like for you to make Miss (Y/L/N) compliant as you did with Mary. Don’t come out until it is finished.”

Ketch motioned for Mary to follow him as (Y/N) called out to her, “Mary! Please help me! Don’t let them hurt your granddaughters!”

Mary stopped for a brief second giving (Y/N) a blimp of hope and then proceed to follow Ketch out of the room. Lady Bevell, rolled a table over with machines and syringes filled with clear liquid. Lady Bevell hooked up the machines to her head then stood over her.

“Please do not struggle or it will only make things worse.” She said injecting her with the first syringe.

(Y/N) felt as if she were floating then everything went black. The next thing she knew, she was in the Bunker cuddled up with Dean on a couch in the library. Soft giggling could be heard behind them as Dean smiled widely. Suddenly, two little girls popped over the top of the couch yelling boo at them. Dean grabbed a hold of (Y/N) screeching like he was terrified.

Breathing heavily, he said, “That was scary!” The little girls started laughing as the jumped up on the couch with them.

“Daddy’s funny.” One said as she crawled onto (Y/N)’s lap.

“Yes, he is.” She said hugging the little girl to her chest.

She watched as Dean got up saying he would be back with some drinks as (Y/N) covered the girls with a blanket as they slept. When she looked up, she saw Dean standing there his olive eyes shining with tears. She looked at him confused because he was not wearing the same shirt he had been.

“(Y/N), you have to wake up and come with me.” He said hesitantly waking closer to him.

She looked down at the girls, “What are you talking about? Dean, why did you change and where are our drinks?”

He took a few steps closer, “This… this isn’t real, (Y/N). This is a dream that the Brits put together in order to keep you from making your own decisions.”

She shook her head, “No. No it’s not. This is real… this is…” she paused looking around closely at the Bunker library. Noticing it was exactly the way she had wanted to decorate it but never had the nerve to ask the brothers about it.

She looked back to Dean, who had a tear running down his cheek, “Sweetheart, you have to come back with me. Our babies are coming any moment and we need to be there for them. Please, (Y/N) believe me.”

She looked back down at the girls sleeping on the couch and could see them fading slightly. She walked up to Dean placing her hand on his chest above his heart. “I believe you. I will always believe you.”

(Y/N)’s eyes fluttered opened to see she was lying down on one of the beds in the Bunker Health Room. A sharp pain was shooting through abdomen making her cry out. Dean was ripping off the electrodes from his head to get over to her.

“It’s okay, (Y/N). I’m right here just breath like we practice.” Dean’s deep voice help her focus through the contraction.

Once it was gone she looked around to see Sam, Alec and Mary waiting. Her eyes narrowed in on Mary who was looking down at her feet. “What is she doing here?” she asked through gritted teeth.

“(Y/N), I’m so…” Mary began to say but (Y/N) stopped her.

“Sorry? You’re sorry that you knocked me out and then gave me over to those British Dicks!” she yelled as Dean took a hold of her hand.

Dean cupped her cheek with his other hand, “She was brainwashed just like you were. You both went after Jody and luckily, we were able to get you both back. Sam and Jody were able to take out the Brits home base. While I was getting mom out of her head, you began to go into labor. She is truly sorry.”

She looked back up to Mary whose shoulders were hanging low as if the weight of the world were on them. (Y/N) took a deep breath, “Apology accepted. Crap… an-other… con…” she grimaced as the contraction hit her.

There was a lot of noise coming from the library as Sam and Mary went to go see what was happening. (Y/N) pushed Dean’s chest, “Go and see what’s happening.” She said breathing heavily.

Her dad came down next to her as she watched Dean leave the room. He smiled down at her, “I know this will be awkward, but I need to see how far along you are. This will not be my first baby to deliver.”

She nodded as he looked down under the sheet then grabbed some gloves from the small table next to her bed. “Alright sweetie, it’s time to push. On three, one, two, three.”

(Y/N) pushed down with all her might feeling her powers mixing together. She rested feeling exhausted and then pushed down again when her father told her too. On the third push she felt her powers surge through her and then wailing. She fell back against the bed as Alec held the first baby wrapping her in a towel and foil to keep her warm. The next push, (Y/N) felt her powers surge again and then silence.

She could feel her body getting weaker by the second, “D-Dad…” she mumbled.

“DEAN! SAM! MARY! GET DOWN HERE!” she heard him yell as she tried to keep her eyes open. They were too heavily and the last thing she heard was Dean’s frantic voice calling out her name.

(Y/N) slowly opened her eyes as a constant beeping was annoying her. Looking around, she realized that she was in a hospital room. Everything from her stomach down ached and then everything hit her at once. Frantic she began looking around for her babies and she saw Dean sleeping in the chair next to her with one of them on his chest. Let out a sigh of relief she looked over to see Sam holding the other one smiling over to her.

“I’m glad to see you awake.” He said as she laid back.

“What happened?” she asked quietly as he got up from the small cot in the room.

Sam handed her the baby who had a full hair of blonde hair. Looking down at her, she felt her heart could burst with happiness. Sam sat on the edge of the bed and she noticed his smile did not reach his hazel eyes.

“You started to lose a lot of blood and your angelic powers couldn’t keep up with healing you. We rushed you and the babies here. Both girls are healthy and beautiful. I kept Dean from naming them until you woke up.” Sam explained sadness filling his voice.

She chuckled lightly, “Thank you for that. Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

Sam looked down at his hands then they both looked over when Dean spoke, “You’ve been out for a week. Right after we arrived here, we got word of where Cas and Kelly were. Jody came down to watch over you while Sam, mom, Alec and I went to find Cas because Lucifer was also tracking them.”

(Y/N) was getting a sinking feeling in her stomach as Dean continued, “Lucifer and mom are trapped in an alternate universe. A riff was opened by his son, Jack, who is right now at the Bunker.” She could tell Dean did not like the nephilim or at the very least did not trust him.

“Kelly?” she asked as Dean shook his head.

“She died during birth. We think between your witch and angelic powers is what kept you alive. Unlike our beautiful girls, Jack looks like a fully-grown man but likes like a toddler.” Dean said sitting up with their other daughter.

There was something they were holding back, and it frustrated her, “Guys, what is it? What aren’t you telling me?”

Sam and Dean looked to one another and Dean got up handed their daughter to his brother. He sat down on the edge of the bed facing her, “Your dad is also trapped with our mom and Lucifer. He was trying to save her, and Lucifer pulled them both through the riff as it was closing. Just before that though he…” Dean’s eyes filled with tears.

She knew before he could even say it. Her heart dropped as she looked to Sam seeing his face mirroring Dean’s, “No. Cas?” she asked.

“He was coming through the riff when Lucifer stabbed me with an angel blade through his chest.” Dean said it so matter of factually looking down at his hands that it was dishearten to her.

She reached over grabbing his hand, “I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Dean looked up with tears rolling down his cheeks, “You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Plus, you get a pass on the fact you had just given birth to Bella and Lola.”

“I’m sorry, who?” (Y/N) asked looking to Sam who was shaking his head.

“Our girls.” Dean said smiling.

(Y/N) looked at him in disbelief, “Oh hell no. We are not naming our daughters after strippers!”

Dean stuck out his bottom lip with a huff, “We never got a chance to pick names for them. What do you suggest?”

She carefully looked down at the little girl in her arms sleeping peacefully, “Alexandra Mary Winchester, after our parents.” She said then handed her to Dean who was smiling. She reached out to the little girl in Sam’s arms who was wiggling a bit. “Cassie Samantha Winchester, her two uncles.”

Sam’s cheeks turned pink as she chuckled. “I still like Bella and Lola, but I guess we can go with your names since you did all the work.” Dean said smirking at her.

“Have you… I mean…” the question was so hard to ask but Dean caught on.

He shook his head, “We were waiting for you.”

A week later, the three of them plus Jack and the twins were all standing in front of a pyre. Castiel and Kelly’s bodies lying within the tall flames. Dean had one arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders as the other had Cassie cradled in it. She was holding Alex who was staring into the fire.

Even though she was feeling incredibly sad watching the flames dance around her friend’s body. (Y/N) could not help but feel grateful for the ones who currently surrounded her. She leaned into Dean’s side a little more.

“Thank you for waiting so I could say goodbye.” She said quietly as he kissed the top of her head.

She felt him sigh, “I waited more for me than for you to be honest. I couldn’t… I wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye without you here. You and our girls are giving me the strength to keep going. So, thank you for being by my side.”

“You never have to thank you for being by your side. I’m completely devoted to being with you and our family no matter what may happen.” She said looking up to him as a small sad smile spread across his lips.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @carryonmywaywardcaptain @anotherwaywardsister @ladywinchester1967 @dwgrl1903 @akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @mirandaaustin93 @spnbaby-67 @time-travel-bouqet @1967-essentialghoul @dean-winchesters-bacon @destielhoneybee @-lovepeacenhope- @destiel745 @carribear31 @srsllydunnodoncare @whimsicalrobots @thisismysecrethappyplace @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @adoptdontshoppets @mrswhozeewhatsis @bella-ca @drakelover78 @imascio08 @pisces-cutie @mannls @the-salty-asian @winchesterprincessbride @xostephanie @klanceiscannon14 @superromijn @witch-of-letters @screechingartisancashbailiff @myinconnelly1 @sister-winchesters99 @thekatherinewinchester

#waywardnerd67 #follower request #devoted #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester angst #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural #supernatural one shot #fluff #angst

64 notes · View notes

dontknockitkid · 5 years

Text

Farewell

You knew this one was coming haha

I never posted anything on social media about baseball being over for me because I didn’t want to accept it, acknowledge it, or over-romanticize the ending of a simple game for me.

But I will, however, write this;

These are my sentiments about a game that had an exceptional part in molding me into the man that I am today. I will never communicate anything like this again, unless it’s in person and verbal and only if someone asks.

Here i present to you, Chris Ramirez, the baseball player.

First and foremost, I feel the need to give the greatest gratitude and praises to God for blessing me through my baseball years without a debilitating injury. I never broke, severely strained, pulled, or tore anything in the 16 years of constant travel, overhead motions, conditioning, or weightlifting. I praise my almighty God for that absolute blessing. With saying that, I’m not talking down to anyone who has had one because I’ve realized how anxious it makes athletes as well as how much it affects their confidence, self-esteem, sense of worth, and identity. I truly feel for those who have been affected by the unforeseen traumas of athletics.

Now, for the tear-jerky portion of my outpouring.

My dad has told me that he wanted to sign me up to play little league baseball when I was younger, but my mom was opposed to the idea because she said it was dangerous and I might get hurt. My dad, being the person that he is, went on to sign me up at South Side Little League in south Oxnard, CA. I make sure to specify SOUTH Oxnard because it was the most rag-tag, blue-collared, league in Oxnard (in my opinion of course). Being in this league for the first couple years of baseball made me the humble, quiet player that I was because we always played (and were crushed) by the surrounding, more wealthier and supported, leagues. The best thing about my younger years (pre-high school), was the traveling. Specifically the long drives I had with my dad. We would drive 3-4 hours and basically spend the weekend together. We would wake up early, go to the nearest McDonald’s, and then head to the sports complex. Those are some of the moments, weekends, and trips that I will cherish the most regarding baseball because they constructed the relationship I came to have with my dad. My dad went to as many games as he could, but the majority of games I either had to hitch a ride with a coach or teammate, and he would show up whenever he was able to. Both my mom and dad have supported and been there for me after every great and terrible game to give their unique feedback (you sucked today but we still love you; keep fighting kid. You have unbelievable potential.) I held on to each and every pre- and post-game talk with my dad because above all else, he was PRESENT. He cared about what I had to say and how I felt about my performance, and he absolutely 100% knew that I cared what he saw or had to say (even though after the tough losses I acted like I didn’t want to hear anything from him at times, but like a young boy, I yearned for my father’s edification and approval). They provided the life and the beautiful days I would never EVER take back, and seeing them smile at me and say they’re proud of me when I didn’t get drafted, had my last start, and graduated college meant the entire world to me.

Now, while I’m talking about my family, I wanted to include a few words for the village that raised me.

These pictures are from my very last season of baseball, but it embodies the support I’ve received from my beautiful family. From fundraisers, to them traveling/camping overnight for several days to see me play (succeed, and sometimes really suck, which often made me really sad), I am forever grateful for their presence. My brothers, Angel and Kevin would often help me forget about a tough loss by providing laughs that turned into happy tears, as well as celebrating with me when I had a great game. Their hugs and affirming, congratulatory presence throughout my life have fueled me to be a respectable sibling. I have always wanted to make them proud of me. I value the photos we have together in our baseball uniforms growing up, as well as the ones we took when they came to visit and watch in Vegas and southern Cali. Even more so than the photos, the moments I was blessed to experience when I hugged them and told them that I loved them after a game or after having not seen them in months, are where my love during those years rests. Te quiero muchisimo mis hermanos. Cousins, Tia’s and Tio’s, family friends, who have housed me on my trips, and let me crash on the couch or guest bedroom for a night or two as I was making my way across the country or back home, I love you. You have no idea how grateful I am for your gracious hospitality. It is and always has been truly heartbreaking as a little kid knowing I wasn’t able to make a baseball trip because of insufficient funds. My parents have done everything that they could to make sure I was able to go to at least a couple trips growing up, and I tear up just thinking about how they made it all possible. I am so thankful for the limited opportunities because it made me appreciate each and every one of them a whole lot more. I love you, mi familia. Near and far, familial and friend.

I couldn’t write something like this without mentioning my coaches. The men (and their wives because if you know anything about coaching, it is a HUGE commitment and sometimes takes a toll on their families. So if any of my coaches’ wives read this, THANK YOU for being patient, kind, and supportive to the men that helped mold me physically, emotionally, and spiritually) that took their time showing me how to simply throw a small object wherever I wanted it to go with controlled aggression, allowed me to spend a good-sized portion of my life having the most fun I’ve had playing a little kid’s game.

I wanted to give a special and heartfelt thank you to my friend, brother in Christ, and former pitching coach Matt Merricks because he (by God’s wondrous grace) developed a form of pitching that incorporated your walk with Christ. Once I was saved by God and my world changed forever, I also became a different type of pitcher, and Matt was there to help refine the explosion of my new heart in Christ. Thank you forever Matt, you helped a young boy understand what it takes to heave a baseball and leave it up to God from there as soon as it left my fingertips, as well as doing the same in life.

To my amazing teammates:

To say you guys have changed my life would be the biggest understatement ever. My boys at Channel Islands and the surrounding high schools who I became so close with, you guys gave me afternoons worth enjoying. You made Oxnard and SoCal a place that tore my heart leaving, but oh so wonderful reflecting back on. If I wrote a small little paragraph for each person or year of baseball, this blog would span a lifetime haha, but I’ll keep it short and to the point.

Channel Islands: Jonny, Isaiah, Matt, Beto, Alfred, Ricky, Manny, Micah, Felipe, Greg, Miles, Anthony, Ray Ray, Leo, Wade, Josh, Stefon, and a few others who were my little tribe in high school: thank you for riding through it all with me. All the high school shenanigans, trouble-making, talks about girls, long days of practice and conditioning, were boosted to absolute nostalgia because of all of you. The memories jam packed at that one school and ball field, are some of my most cherished moments of my upbringing. People always say that you should go to college because those are supposedly the best years of your life, but in all honesty, these years are a definite close Second haha. I can still remember and feel the deep belly laughs at jack in the box, trips to fresh and easy, and countless other get-togethers I will not mention because some of my family might read this eventually hahaha

I love you, and I pray you all are doing well.

Colorado Northwestern:

A small junior college in Rangely, CO was the perfect place for my collegiate baseball career to kick into gear. Why? Because of these guys: Joe, Ricky, Alaska, Mikey, Cado, Nies, Chase, Trevar, Colin, Tanner, Riding, Hoff, Texas, the Woods brothers, Naus, Cory, and several others who brought seriously so much happiness to my days there. At a low point in my life, you guys helped keep me afloat by your jokes, brotherhood, invitations, inclusivity, and acceptance of a new direction I was going in life. You supported me, held me accountable at the late hours of the evenings, and poured into me when I really needed a laugh, friend, or a late night/early morning trip to Vernal or the gas station. The trips we took to the lake, the hikes behind the school, phenomenal bonfires at red rocks, runs up and down Kennedy, when we discovered the “rollercoaster”, and post-game dinners in the caf; dang, I freakin miss that small little school in that small little town.

If you didn’t see your name, don’t take it personally I promise. Even if you were only at that specific school for a couple weeks, you still were part of my experience and growth, and for that I am forever grateful for you all.

Mesa:

Finally, my Mesa family.

Not enough words could describe the absolute excitement and gratitude I had entering a program that was notorious for having a winning record, playing home games at the same stadium the junior college World Series is held, and where a minor league Colorado Rockies affiliate resides. I talked about the anticipation and excitement that was literally almost oozing out of me to every person that would listen, and I want to take a moment here and thank each person that listened to my gripes, groans, and endless soliloquys about a little boy’s dream coming true. You may not have known it at the time, but those moments and conversations built me up (or how us young people say it these days, “it HYPED ME UP”) and encouraged me to live up to the “hype” that I was giving myself haha

Colorado Mesa is where I bore my fruit; the fruit I had worked so endlessly for throughout my life. I was crafted and molded into the pitcher I would come to be my sophomore year at CNCC (and that summer), and CMU is where it all flourished. The grit was there; the motivation was there; the humility; the approach; the passion; the youthful zeal (you’re gonna hear me say that NUMEROUS times throughout my written pieces, so you better get familiar with it because it’s one of my favorite phrases). Everything was already in place, by God’s gracious love, and now it was time to showcase it. Soli Deo Gloria style. Coram Deo style.

Pitching at CMU was everything I’d hoped it would be and so much more. Having the opportunity to pitch in a rotation that included some of the best pitchers in the nation was a dream come true for a little kid from South Oxnard. My friends and roommates making their way over to the stadium on some Saturday or Sunday afternoon would come to be one of my favorite memories of putting on that creme colored jersey and doing what I loved. Now instead of making this a 55 page blog post, I’m just gonna talk about the memories that stand out the most:

I’ll start with the entire 2017 season. The 2017 season came with a ton of extraordinary moments, some of which I’ll go into a bit of detail soon, but it also came with devastating news that would lead to the season’s mantra and future banner of pride, brotherhood, and hardwork. A ball player and dear friend to many named Ryan Teixeira past away from his second battle with cancer. His wake and funeral services in California were unbelievably moving, and I couldn’t help but admire (and absolutely sob) on how unashamed of the gospel his family was at his funeral service. They were bold, broken, vulnerable, but stood firm on the promises of God. It was truly spectacular. May Ryan rest in glory.

I had the best year of baseball in 2017. Although my sophomore year at CNCC was super wonderful, I cannot compare the two as to which one was better than the other because each one was vastly different. At Mesa;

- I experienced a beautiful Friday night fireworks celebration after breaking a school win-streak. The stadium was as full as it ever had been while we were playing in it, and there was this aura of happiness and genuine enjoyment, regardless of wherever you were sitting (even in the visitor section). Fireworks and baseball have always been like peanut butter and jelly, ham and burger, salt and pepper, and tyga and Chris brown. 😂

- I flew for the first time (in a private airplane at that) to play in a regional tournament, as well as a D2 World Series. This playoff experience had me almost in tears thanking God for getting our team and I to that point in order for us to experience and excel in an environment like that. I pitched the BEST two games in my life that season (complete game shut-out against the #1 team in the region at their home field to eliminate them and send us to the championship, and a complete game win against the #1 team in the nation to eliminate them and send us to the semi-finals in the World Series).

Baseball is boring to a lot of people; I’ll admit I even think it’s boring sometimes, but I found an aspect that was worth cherishing the boredom forever. Through this game God gave me memories, friends for a lifetime, extreme frustration and anger, absolute joy and passion, and a love and appreciation for a game played by 4 year olds and 70 year olds. How amazing is that?

God, thank you for these years.

I will miss it forever.

1 note · View note

coveredinsweetpea · 6 years

Note

jEsus. I'm listening to Why by Bazzi and its a mood? Like not following the song but an imagine w sweet pea trying to push you away bc he doesnt know y u would like someone like him, so homeboy stopped persuing bc he sees how her 'friends' (out of spite bc he's a 'player' that hasn't paid them any mind but damn sure set his sights on u.) n fam judge + poke at their possible relationship and he low-key thinks they're right or at least that y/n does deep down. But she don't? && let's his ass know.

I suck at angst, I’m sorry, I tried! 💛-He wasn’t ashamed of himself. Never had been and thought he’d never be, but frankly, right now, he had no idea how he was feeling. Confusion maybe? Who knows. It’s been eating him up night after night yet he never said anything, and maybe now it was time to let it all out. But how? When it came to his less than perfect upbringing, questionable antics and unhealthy habits, Sweet Pea never felt like he needed to hold back. He let you all in, and he felt safe and at peace. The small fight that ignited when the topic of meeting your parents came up, should’ve been a red flag, but you two just took it as a warning sign and considering your way of thinking, you just walked past It, never giving it a second glance. When your dad almost threw Sweet Pea out of the house the night you invited him over for dinner, put thoughts in his head.“Fuck it” you scoffed as you walked outside the house, “Fuck him and his stupid misconceptions, I know you, I know you probably don’t care what my dad thinks, but please know that I don’t care either” “I know, doll” Pea sighed, kissing the top of your head. The lie slipped right from between his perfect lips a little bit too easily, too bad you were too blind to catch it.“He isn’t right, bub” you said softly as you took his hand and started walking down the street. Your father’s words echoed inside your head, ‘Y/n get this thug out of my house’ and they stung a bit, “If he was right, and you really were all those things, I wouldn’t be able to love you like I do now”“I love you too, angel. I appreciate it”You thought that was the end of it, but you had no idea how many nights he spent inside the wyrm drowning his liver in gallons of alcohol with the hopes of getting your dad’s cruel words out of his head. You weren’t there to see it and you didn’t have anyone to tell you. You knew Toni and Fangs. Met them briefly a couple of times, but you didn’t take things further. You had your own North side friends, friends who this time failed to have your back.“What the hell are you doing here?” Veronica snapped, seeing Sweet Pea leaning against his parked bike right outside Pop’s.“Hey calm down” he defended himself, throwing his arms in the air, trying to keep things civilized, “I’m here to pick Y/n up”“What?” Archie yelled, turning around to face the shop just in time to see you come out the front door. “I thought we told you to break up with him!” he growled, walking towards you.“And I told you to mind your own fucking business” you scoffed walking past him and to Sweet Pea’s bike. As if it wasn’t obvious in his eyes, the veins protruding along his neck made it fairly clear how hard he was trying to keep his calm.“Y/n, we can drive you home” Veronica said softly, realizing that yelling at you was going to do no good.“It’s ok, V” you smiled, as Sweet Pea hoped on his bike, biting hard into his lower lip in order to contain himself, “I’ll see you in school tomorrow”She tried to argue some more, but Archie pulled her back. You stood until you saw them get in their car and then jumped behind Sweet Pea.“I didn’t even get to tell you hi” you whined kissing his cheek the best you could.“Hi angel” he smiled, looking at you over his shoulder, “See? I kept my calm”. He sounded like a kid bragging to their parents about getting a good grade, and your heart melted a bit.“You could’ve told them off for all I care” you said, wrapping your arms around his middle, waiting for him to start the engine.“My place?” he asked following a heavy sigh.“Yes!” you exclaimed happily, tightening your hold around him.This is where it all started and now that you thought about it, you had no idea how you didn’t see it. All the things your friends called him, accused him of and blamed him for, aren’t easy for anyone to look over. How you managed to think he wasn’t bothered by these things was beyond you now.“I’m sorry” you breathed, gripping tightly into the edge of a t-shirt you stole from him ages ago.“It’s not your fault, babe” “Don’t! Stop! Don’t babe me after you told me you want to break up with me!” you growled, falling onto your back on his couch, “How is this happening?”“Listen, it’s for the best-” he tried to get a word in, but you stopped him.“The best? For who? For me? You think it’s ok to tell me you still love me but that you still want to break up with me? It makes me feel crazy because I can’t comprehend that” “Y/n” he sighed standing up and extending a hand for you to take so you could follow him to your feet. After you did, he continued, “I do, I love you, with all my heart. It flutters when I say these words to you. Every fucking time. And it’s because I care and I hear and I see things and-”“You shouldn’t give half a crap what people say-” you tried to interrupt him.“Listen to me” he added, his voice 10 times calmer than yours, “It’s been weeks. I haven’t heard something this morning and then made up my mind. I’ve been thinking about it, for quite a long time now. I’m not saying your family and your friends are right when they say I’m a low life. I don’t see myself as that and someone like them isn’t gonna change my mind. But even if I’m not a thug like they say, I’m still not what you need. I’m fine, I’m just not good for you”“You know… my mom thinks I’m with you just as an act of rebellion” you said walking away from him. The amount of emotion his words dumped on you were too much for you to bear right now, so you found a different way to get your point across, “Because that’s all that she knows about you, just like my dad. And Archie and every one. I don’t see it as that because I know why I’m with you, and don’t make me go all sappy now by enlisting every reason”“I don’t want you to do that” “Yeah, but do I have to?” “No, babe, that’s not the point”You looked at him dumbfounded, “What? Wasn’t that the whole point? That you don’t know why I’m with you?”“My head is spinning” he whispered defeated, plopping back down on the couch.“Pea, you make me feel safe in the dangerous side of town at 3am and then two hours later you’re laying in my arms begging me to play with your hair. I love you because you’re honest, and you’re you, and I know you. And you know me like no one else does so just please, if you really want me to leave, please let it be because of me or because of you and not because of someone else”As you finished talking, silence settled. To be honest, you regretted the way you decided to end your rant. You wish you hadn’t told him to break up with you if he wanted, but you had to give him that. It was only fair.“I don’t want you to leave, Y/n” he said eventually, “But I’m gonna try to change for you, and we need to work things out with your parents at least”“You don’t have to change” you countered, sitting down beside him.Sweet Pea turned to look at you, his eyes holding such a heavy coat of pain, you almost broke at the sight of them, “Now I feel stupid for trying to do this”“Don’t feel stupid” you said, grabbing his hands, “I should’ve seen everything happen too, I don’t know how I didn’t realize how they could affect you”“Not your fault” “Kinda is, but let’s just let it go for now, please”“I’m sorry I got you down” he whispered, cupping your cheek in his palm“It’s not you” you shook your head, before leaning in to kiss him.

#sweet pea #sweet pea fanfiction #sweet pea fanfic #sweet pea smut #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea blurb

189 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat / with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''fuck u'' by archive

2 notes · View notes

ahoybyeler · 6 years

Text

tag game

tagged by: @trashmouths-love-to-cuddle (thanks for the tag ily!)

Lasts

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my dad

3. text message - a group chat

4. song you listened to - africa (the weezer version)

5. time you cried - hmm idk prolly the last time my mom yelled at me a lot

Ever

6. dated someone twice? - nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it - no

8. been cheated on - nope

9. lost someone special - no

10. been depressed - lowkey but not really

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - huhh no

Favorite colors

12. orange

13. blue

14. pastel yellow

In the last year have you-

15. made new friends - yeahh, but I made a lot near the end of the school year

16. fallen out of love - no

17. laughed until you cried - ye

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah, but it was funny to me

19. met someone who changed you - not really a specific person, but meeting a lot of people on tumblr changed how i view things a little, and educated me more

20. found out your friends are - 11/10 (most of them)

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - uhh i’m not that old i don’t have fb (jkjk)

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - nope

23. do you have any pets - no, i used to have fish but they ded

24. do you want to change your name - no

25. what did you do for your last birthday - went over to my friends house, and had dinner w/ another friend

26. what time did you wake up today - 9ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - like going upstairs to sleep

28. what is something you can’t wait for - honestly, idk, I just want someting good to happen

29. when was the last time you saw your mom - like 5 mins ago, she just left the house to go somewhere

30. what are you listening to right now - nothing, but my sister’s playing her annoying ass starfall music, so ig that counts

31. have you ever talked to a person named Tom - yes, my dad’s boss

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my sister, also the table that i’m sitting at is messy

33. most visited website- youtube, discord, tumblr

34. hair color - dark dark brown

35. long or short hair - long but not super long

36. do you have a crush on someone - ye but he’s lowkey annoying but iss ok

37. what do you like about yourself - my eyelashes

38. want any piercings - i would want a second ear piercing, but my ears are super sensitive, so prolly not gonna happen

39. blood type- a+ just like my grades (hah i’m joking)

40. nicknames - bitch, dumbass, hoe, haz

41. relationships status - single pringle

42. zodiac - gemini

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - stranger things, everything sucks, dance academy

45. right or left handed - right

46. ever had surgery - nope

47. tattoos- no

48. piercings- just my ears

49. sport - track but i hate it, and dance ig if that counts, but not a lot

50. vacation- i just wanna go to the beach 😩

51. trainers- nike

More general

52. eating - i was eating some greek chicken pita thing

53. drinking - was drinking water

54. I’m about to watch - some shit on youtube

55. waiting for - a manz 😩

56. want - to go get ramen

57. get married - i mean i’d like to, but i would still be ok with being in a non-married relationship if it was healthy and stable

58. career - idk i’m a mess

Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses - never kissed anyone, so hugs ig (but only from certain people)

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - taller (bc i’m short af)

62. Younger or older - idk, i’ve always had crushes on ppl about the same age as me, a few months either way. so ig about the same age (like a couple years either way) would be good.

63. Nice arms or stomach - stomach (does this mean abs?)

64. Hookup or relationship - depends on the person, but prolly relationship

65. Trouble maker or relationship - relationship

Have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - yeah but just a super diluted sip, it was gross

68. lost glasses - ye, but i got them back

69. turned someone down - i mean,, i was pretty young so idk if it really counts

70. has sex on the first date - no

71. broken someones heart - i don’t think so?? probably not

72. has your heart broken - ye

73. cried when someone died - no

74. fallen for a friend - idk if we were actually friends, so imma say no

75. been arrested - no

Do you believe in

76. yourself - sometimes

77. marcels - what’s a marcel?? sorry i’m dumb just idk

78. love at first sight - no

79. Santa claus - no

80. a kiss on a first date - yes

81. angels - no (but people can be like angels)

Other

82. best friends name (s) - peppa pig, myaya, amyoloa, poopj, aryaa

83. eye color - brown

84. favorite movie - three idiots, coco

85. favorite actor - noah schnapp, finn wolfhard, tom holland

tags: @ohsoreddie @aexo289 @harringtonwife @stellarlosersclub @danielle-010 @danny-dyke @who-the-buck-is-stucky @cocoe-13 @strangerthanyou011

#tag game #hazel rants #i was tagged

12 notes · View notes

celestialdolans · 6 years

Text

bringing you back - g.d.

A/N: sooo, here’s the second part to letting you go. this is for the lovely anon who waited oh so patiently for me to write this. i hope this meets your expectations! all the love!

It had been five years since you let Grayson go, five years seeing him happy with someone else, five years of regret, and five years feeling incomplete. As much as it pained you, you stayed silent, because you knew that it was, ultimately, your decision to let him go in the first place. Although the emptiness in your heart was unbearable, you learned to live with it. You moved within the next few days to another neighbourhood in the city, and went completely incognito on social media. If the fans didn’t see you, they wouldn’t attack you, you would constantly remind yourself.

It seemed to you that Grayson was living the life, after getting together with Kayla. You would see tabloids and tumblr posts about Grayson and Kayla doing something that pleased the eye, whether it was posting pictures that was considered “goals”, or being all loved up in her vlogs and on snapchat. The sight of them made you sick to your stomach, not because you were jealous, but the fact that it seemed so forced. You knew that Grayson hated sharing his relationship publicly and ever so often. Just recently, you heard that Grayson proposed to Kayla, causing you to be petulant for the past week.

Once your best friend noticed how glum you were feeling, she invited you over for a weekend full of “fun and girl-bonding time”, along with your other friends. As much as you didn’t want to go, you agreed to, just to get Grayson out of your head.

As you were walking to the subway station to get to your friends house, you realized how much you missed out on life. Being so caught up in work, and stressing about Grayson, for some reason, you never got to enjoy anything. You forgot the feeling of snow crunching underneath your suede boots, the crispness of winter air, and the beautiful array of building lights at night. It wasn’t until you hear one voice that left you speechless.

“Y/N!”

You stopped walking and turned your head towards the source of the sound, and all the air in the world was sucked out of the atmosphere. There he was, the Grayson Bailey Dolan, calling out for you, and you kept thinking, no way in fucking hell is this happening to me today.

You started to increase your walking pace, and hoped that he wouldn’t follow. Boy, were you wrong. You would hear his footsteps, with the occasional “Y/N” being called out. After 20 minutes of speed-walking, your legs gave out, and consequently, turning around to talk to Grayson. He didn’t change at all since the day it all fell apart. He still had that angelic smile that made anyone feel safe, and his gaze was like none other. He looks at you, and you suddenly feel conscious about your current state, because you knew damn well that you were nothing compared to Kayla (in your opinion).

“Hey.” He said, making your heart flutter, and butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“Hi.” You were still in shock that he found you after five years. His face complexion was brighter than ever. There was an infinite number of thoughts running through your mind, and yet you still managed to face him without crying.

“How are you doing? Where are you going to? Wait, I’m so sorry, you were probably going somewhere and I stopped you. Can I come with you? It’s kinda dark. You know what, I am coming. Let’s go.” He was spilling every thought that came to mind, but you didn’t blame him, you wished you could do the same. The both of you boarded the subway car, and sat down.

The ride to your stop felt like hours, both of you had not spoken to each other, only stealing glances of each other. Once you got off, you thought that Grayson would leave you by then, however he stayed put by your side.

“So, how are your parents?” Grayson asked, hoping you would give a sufficient answer. “They’re good, I guess. Mom had her last chemotherapy session last month, and I haven’t heard from Dad for a while now”, you explained, while you looked down at the sidewalk, hoping Grayson would understand that you weren’t ready to talk about them again. Both, you and Grayson looked up to find a couple walking hand in hand. The sight of them flooded both of your minds with memories, when it was just the same more than five years ago.

“I know I shouldn’t be saying this, especially to you, but I crave a relationship like this again” you confessed, “I haven’t experienced such luxury, where both you and your partner loved each other so much, that it hurt. I haven’t experienced it in a while.” Although Grayson was engaged, you found that it was easier to talk to him than to anyone else. Grayson, on the other hand, was confused,

“You haven’t been in any relationships in the past five years? I would have thought that someone like you would have found a new boyfriend by now.” “I’ve had my fair share of dates, but frankly, you set my standards pretty high.” It was true, no matter who it was, you just couldn’t see a relationship happening because you would compare them to Grayson. “Then why’d you leave?”

You suddenly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “W-What?” Grayson sighed, “You heard me, Y/N.”

“Grayson, I had to, you know that! You were confined from happiness, yet you still decided to stay with me. I miss you so fucking much that it hurts. I miss the way we would wake up every morning, tangled in each others arms. I miss the trips to your favourite point in New Jersey, and how we would spend hours just enjoying one another’s company. I miss how you would make the shittiest pancakes, but you still managed to make me eat them. I miss wearing your shirts, because it always reminded me that I was loved by you. I miss the kisses we shared, because they were so heartfelt, and genuine. Fuck, I even miss our fights, even if it didn’t make any sense. I miss you Grayson.

“And I know you’re happy with Kayla, but I just needed to let you know that I’m still broken by my own decisions, and I-” You were abruptly stopped, and then realized that you were yelling loud enough for the entire block to hear you.

“I’m not with Kayla anymore, I found out that she was using Ethan and I as a way to become, what’s the word, more well-known. And she was fucking someone else behind my back,” Grayson declared, “Y/N, I miss you just as much and these last few years made me realize that even if I was dating Kayla, she could never make me feel butterflies every time I saw her, like you did. I would try to move on, and think that she was just as good of a girlfriend as you. She was nothing compared to you. I only dated her because I thought it would give you a piece of mind. I have never stopped loving you, Y/N.”

You smashed your lips against Grayson’s, and all the feelings that was bottled up in the both of you were let out. Lips were moving at fast rates, as you hadn’t felt them in forever. You didn’t want it to end, as you missed the way he pulled at your bottom lip, and how you felt fireworks exploding in every direction. Grayson loved how you still kissed him like there was no tomorrow. After what felt like hours, you pulled away, smiling like an idiot.

“Y/N, you told me that you were letting me go, for my own good. Well, this is me bringing you back, for your own happiness.” Grayson sighed, pulling you in for another kiss. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

You laughed, and left with Grayson to go back to your place for a night filled some unfinished matters that were due, and woke up the next morning entangled in each others embrace. You started checking any notifications that you may have missed, unbeknownst that you had forgotten the main reason why you had left your house in the first place. It wasn’t until you opened your text messages, and saw this:

Y/F/N: bitch, i’ve been waiting for you for the entire night. where were you!?!?!?

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #dolan twins #ethan #grayson #dolan #ethan dolan imagine #grayson dolan imagine #ethan dolan one shot #grayson dolan one shot #imagine ethan dolan #imagine grayson dolan #dolan twins imagine #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan x reader #twins #imagines

90 notes · View notes

cottagecori · 6 years

Note

hey look it's your turn. ALL OF THEM.

I’M ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT THOUGH (under a read more bc it’s loooong)

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?

DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?

Vinyls!!! I wish I owned some but we don’t have a functional record player in my house (we have a broken one that my dad keeps telling me he’s going to fix but never does which is fine i’m fine)

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?

I have two. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AKA MY FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME and Night by Elie Wiesel because it is just so power and eye-opening

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?

YES YES YES I AM WEARING MY DAD’S OLD HOODIE RN BECAUSE IT’S SOFT AND GIANT OTHER PEOPLE’S CLOTHES ARE THE BEST. When i have a relationship, I will steal my so’s stuff all the time so yeah

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?

I started a vlog and it’s actually really nice to do

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?

to stop pretending like i’m okay and admit when i’m hurt

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?

Oh god oH GOD THAT’S SO HARD

Probably the forest because it can be a million different things. It can be a getaway, a mystery, a familiar place. it embodies the feeling of seeing an old friend after a long time and i love it.

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

i’ve never kissed anyone so

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?

only when i have to be formal the rest of the time that shirt that’s on my floor works great

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?

numb

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?

i was in boston with you, rose, and my irl friends and we had this giant apartment overlooking the commons and i went to college at emerson and it was nice until there was a murder (bc i was watching scream) and i woke up so yeah i have strange dreams

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?

french toast with strawberries

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?

maybe another time ;)

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?

uh Monday. I have intense family problems that i can’t talk to anyone irl about and then my dad got really mad at me.

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

no.

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?

both depending on where it’s from

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?

DO NOT MAKE ME CHOOSE

desert rose; do you like yourself?

does anyone really?

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?

I saw Corbyn Besson at my mall once but that’s it

night owl; how many countries have you visited?

I’VE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF THE US AND IT SUCKS

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?

asked someone out?

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?

the fact that i overslept for a mock exam so now i’m kinda stressed out about how the actual exam will go

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

gemini!

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

i can play 4 instruments and am learning a fifth, i like cats more than most people (depending on the people), i love sour candy, i’m addicted to makeup, and i’m not a huge fan of coffee

daphne; do you believe in karma?

to a certain extent

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?

thought i was, not so sure anymore

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

my friends. they’ve gone through some tough shit and have come out even stronger.

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

too many tamales

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?

i have no clue because it is 11 am

iris; do you believe in ghosts?

yes

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

could i change skin color too, bc otherwise i don’t have a lot of options (probably the 90s)

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?

no, because i feel like if you live forever there is more a chance for you to not live at all (thanks tuck everlasting for the lesson)

primula; what makes you sad?

way too many things

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?

nope it’s a saturday and i’m emotional

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

mak, rose, carolyn, linh, my irl friend group, sammie, brenna, caroline

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?

dried mago slices (i know i’m sorry, i’m making waffles now)

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

oh god so many

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?

anywhere with magic and dragons so i can go visit my friends easily

violet; favorite tv show?

The Office

sunflower; share a favorite quote.

I use this one a lot

“Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh, to abandon oneself, to be light” ~Frida Kahlo

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

Walking around the woods, taking cute pictures in fields of flowers, sunny day, starry night, cheesy romcoms played off a projector, good food, better friends

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?

i write music, it’s hard

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.

i can’t think of one off the top of my head unfortunately

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?

open mic nights

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?

older idk why i’ve just always been attracted to older people

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?

my friends because they’ve stuck by me even though i’m fucked up in my personal life and in my head

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?

Pride and Prejudice, Night, Ender’s Game, Fangirl, The House on Mango Street, Harry Potter

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry the Platypus

magnolia; coffee or tea?

tea duh

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

extremely loved

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?

IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?

listening to sad music when i’m sad

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?

god it’s so fascinating i think about it probably more than i should

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

yellow/teal

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?

Parents: complicated. Siblings: Fuck Yeah

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?

Night but i’m trying to trick myself into being a morning person

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

still dealing with depression

clover; how would your friends describe you?

loud, annoying, barely funny, takes no shit (i’m paraphrasing of course)

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?

none of the above. i’m a lil bit of both?

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

I’m not really embarrassed about the stuff i watch

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

Emotional, Wannabe, Broadway?

lotus; best memory as a child?

baking things with my dad while my mom blasted music throughout the house and cleaned

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?

Brown, Black respectively

dahlia; do you like crystals?

yeah!

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

guns wouldn’t fucking exist

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?

R A V E N C L A W BITCHES

calendula; biggest pet peeve?

people who think they don’t have to be kind to working people or leave a giant mess for them to clean up because “it’s their job”

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?

i love my friends but give me a rom com and a cat and i’m set for life

blazing star; share a secret.

you wish ;)

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?

happier 100%

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?

Frida Kahlo. A badass bitch who did so much and never let her injury get the best of her. also Emma Gonzales

bluebell; do you wear glasses?

yuup

nymphea; forest or river?

forest

orchid; do you like exercise?

FUCK NO

pansy; do you like poetry?

i write my own ♥

morning glory; any special talent that you have?

songwriting? singing? playing flute? idk man

i’m so sorry if you actually got this far

4 notes · View notes