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wataeichis · 2 years

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eichi and autism : by an autistic eichiP

autism is majorly separated into a few different symptom categories: socialization, thought and behaviour, and sensory difficulties, as well as some other things - I’ll be going over how I think some of these relate to Eichi, as well as reflecting on parts and how they relate to my experience as an autistic individual. However, it can be difficult to quote stories with them being removed from the wiki, so please bear with me here.

(Prepare for this to make no sense to anyone else, as it was not exactly written in a formal/essay format, nor has it been properly edited at all. this is basically just one long rant)

To start off with socialization: on the wiki, Eichi is described as “clumsy with basic social concepts like friendship, and he is long-winded and dramatic from having socialized mainly with movies and books.” While this can largely be accounted for due to his extended stay in a hospital as a child and away from other kids, I think it’s important to note that a lot of autistic children learn socialization through mimicking media. It can be a habit that kids use to first get a grasp on how you're “supposed” to act, but usually is something people grow out of, which Eichi has not. He still seems to rely on dramatic media he grew up with as a 19 year old in the !! era, as well as being awkward or blunt at times when trying to be “normal.”

It’s difficult for Eichi to understand and get along with other people. Initially, we see this during the war with Tsumugi. He doesn’t realize that Tsumugi truly wanted a friendship with him, and instead assumes he was just there for the money. As well as later on, he doesn’t seem to understand that Wataru wants to truly be his friend, something that could usually be accounted for as simple insecurity, if not for how unusual it seems. The two of them are consistently referred to as being very attached, and have many moments where they detail their closeness for one another, yet Eichi still seems to insist they’re not that close. To me, this feels like another instance similarly to Tsumugi, where he doesn’t realize that they're actually friends..

With socialization comes communication. Though most sources I see say those with autism can have difficulties with speech, myself included at times, I also know from experience that the majority of the oddities in my speech flagged during my own autism assessment was formal speech patterns. This is something I think is interesting to reference since Eichi is rather articulate and formal - however, this isn’t as relevant as it’s also kind of expected from being someone from such a high-class family.

A final aspect I’d like to mention regarding socialization is his line about how he’s never been in love. During my assessment, I was asked if I’d ever been in love, if I knew what love was supposed to feel like, if I knew what people in love were supposed to even do - all of which I’d answered no to. In a largely allistic society it can be difficult to understand what love is supposed to be like, especially when you're surrounded by media that portrays the feeling in a magical sense. Autistic people can often have little to none attraction, or they simply experience it in a different sense to other people. For myself, it feels difficult to label myself as apart of the aroace spectrum, as my lack of attraction feels so tied in with my autistic identity. We don’t know the specifics, but I relate a lot to this line of Eichi’s as he seems to struggle with this attraction, and how connected he is with media surely doesn’t help with how if he does experience love, its different than how the media portrays it.

Going off of that, it seems like part of Eichi’s relationship with media is very connected. He couldn’t think of any other way to accomplish his goal for Yumenosaki without being dramatic and hurting people along the way, which I think fits in with not understanding other people. Despite this, he always does display a greater understanding of media such as plays by often referencing media or understanding others’ references - in a lot of autistic people’s experiences, media is easier to understand than real people.

His thoughts and behaviour are evidently influenced more by media than his own instincts, part of this is easily referenceable on the wiki in his trivia section:

“Eichi has the ability to mimic anything nearly perfectly if he's observed it closely enough, including circus stunts and dance moves. Conversely, Eichi has also remarked that he struggles with being creative.” This statement, along with how earlier it was referenced that he has a habit of being dramatic, it seems a lot of his life has been spent mimicking media or things he comes across, which I referenced being an autistic trait as many autistic people tend to copy things they see to figure out how to act. “Being creative” is a large pointer towards autism for me, as being a top idol you’d assume he’d have more creativity, yet he struggles in a large aspect of it that is mostly a large pointer towards autistic children who struggle to play creatively, and even during my assessment as a 17 year old I had to try and display creative factors, which I generally lacked in.

My reference of “media” here for Eichi can also just be idols in general, such as other things he sees around Yumenosaki and not just idols on TV. After the Tanabata Festival, most easily referenced with the scene in the anime when he is sitting with Wataru, Eichi is displaying this mimicking once more with how he immediately is amazed with Shu’s performance, mimicking the shape of his hands and the sound of the music.

Carrying off of media and onto interests, I’ve seen a few different people have different explanations for what they think could be Eichi’s special interest, two of which I will review.

I’ve seen a theory for tea being his special interest, in the different types of tea and such and that's why he started the tea club. While I do agree this is definitely an interest of his, I think his special interest is more likely the point below

Idols! Eichi loves idols, he always has, and he strives to be a popular idol despite knowing how his physical condition doesn’t quite agree with that. He started the war out of his love for idols, wishing to protect the idol industry by protecting Yumenosaki, a school which is a very influential power in the idol industry, but had been tainted throughout his first year spent in the hospital. After graduation, he didn’t just go on to be an idol, he went on to create a space for idols - Ensemble Square - and his own agency, wanting to spend every hour of his day surrounded by idols. In my experience, allistic people don’t tend to be this intense about their interests, but I could be wrong since… I don’t know what it's like to be allistic! It’s common for autistic people to only stick to their interests, things they enjoy and things that bring them comfort, and it seems very obvious to me that this is something Eichi is doing with idols.

(A little note on interests: autistic people have a habit of info-dumping or monologuing about things they enjoy… which we all should know by now Eichi has a habit of doing.)

Another thing I see in Eichi is a tendency to stick to routine. While he does love Wataru’s surprises, he seems most comfortable sticking to routines in his day-to-day life. “Eichi day”, a day for members of fine to take off and do things, seems to be a planned day, as opposed to impulse plans. While he could easily go and do things with them on a random free afternoon, having a planned day off in advance, he sticks to the comfort of the routine.

Rigid thinking is something easily seen if you look into his actions during the war. Despite admiring the oddballs as idols, he appointed them as the “bad” part of the idol industry and what had lead to the declining quality of Yumenosaki, and saw the student council as the “good” that needed to exist to return the school to it’s prior state. Regardless of how each side has both good and bad factors, as well as any middle ground positions he failed to consider, it’s very obvious he was thinking in a very black and white manner, as both good and bad and nothing as grey, leading him to do what he did during the war.

With autistic people, having a flat/expressionless face is rather common. This is such a small feature, but it’s something I’ve always noticed having Eichi in my office and would like to bring up. In comparison to other characters, Eichi’s office chibi doesn’t appear to be as happy as others do, such as Rei.

In anime, it can be difficult to find characters who seem to display any sensory issues related to autism, regardless of how autistic-coded they may seem otherwise. However, one thing comes to mind with Eichi. In the anime, when he’s sat beside Yuzuru and watching the Ryuseitai performance, he’s rocking back and forth. This could be a subconscious action, something he doesn’t realize he’s doing as he’s distracted but may usually try and repress, but I always found this scene delightful for that. It’s a common stim for me, and regardless of why Eichi is doing it, it's always lovely to see.

Disclaimer: this is not a complete list, nor is it definitive. I personally see a lot of my own symptoms in Eichi and wanted to share what I’ve been seeing as some food for thought for other people. Don’t come for me if you interpreted any of this as something else or think I’m wrong I’m not here for criticism thanks this is purely self indulgent

#ant talks #enstars #ensemble stars #eichi tenshouin #tenshouin eichi #autism #im not accepting criticism hes autistic to me and i know him best

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probably-haven · 3 years

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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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frappe-art · 2 years

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whoever your fav one piece character is :3 introduce us properly (dw about spoilers my memory is conveniently shitty)

cute of you to think i can choose ONE character. i cant. so lets go with luffy!

- favorite thing about them mmh this is already hard. i think i love the most how much he impacts his own world as well as the reader experience. op is a series that, with a different mc, could be so so much darker, with themes such as slavery, racism, abuse of power and so on, but luffy is such an enthusiastic, lovable character that inspires in you childish awe for the world and love for adventure, without turning his head to the problems of his society. he isnt afraid to address these issues in a very simple way but always head on, declaring war on the world if necessary (yes, literally) op is so long because oda takes all the time he needs to build his mc in a character that feels like he could really accomplish everything, with a willpower, an emotional intellingence and an honesty so indeniable sometimes he feels like a force of nature he isnt infallible nor perfect nor a heroic figure, hes just a rubber boy who wants to see the world and be free, in a world where freedom is the least granted gift, but you know he will be king not because he is the mc but because he is luffy.

- least favorite thing about them not really about him as about the series in itself, but his fights more often than not are. so. fucking. long. i understand that oda needs to make you feel how hard every obstacle is to overcome, but ive been following op weekly since 2017, and some of my friends since even before, and the moment in any arc when the Luffy Fight (tm) starts is the moment when you put the story down for, like, 6 months or so because its so long that following it weekly would just spoil what could be much more bearable and even enjoyable if read all in one sitting

- favorite line this one require a little context: luffys most notorious catchphrase is "im gonna be king of pirates", he says it so often he even answer the phone with that, even if there are marines on the other side of the line. sometimes its a gag, sometimes he uses to feel braver. at some point tho, one of his crew members needs to leave the crew for Noble Reasons (long story), and doesnt want to tell them anything because he doesnt want to create problems, but luffy has none of that shit, and even after a big fight between the two of them, as the crew members walks away, he yells "without you i cant be king of the pirates" and. man. i bawled my eyes out at that. luffys quotes arent long or complex, but theyre so full of honesty and wholesomeness they hit you right in the feels

- brOTP luffy n zoro, sorry im so basic. captain n right hand man, two halves of the same idiot but twice as intense. picture this: youve been hunting pirates for years, made a name for yourself as bounty hunter, and now youre starving and about to be executed for stupid reasons, when a kid in the most unassuming attire and manners comes to you and ask you to be part of his pirate crew because he wants to be king of the pirates. he has no other crewmembers, a little fishing boat, no money and between the two of you not a single braincell. give it few weeks and youre ready to drop everything and kill and die for him and his dreams

- OTP none, luffy is the most aroace character you can find. i really like tho the idea that everyone at some point or another cant help but falling in love a little with him. honestly it isnt even really a headcanon, everyone adores luffy (but not everyone wants to admit it, for future reference see trafalgar law)

- nOTP mmmh still, i dont ship him with anyone but having to choose i think nami? its the one a lot of people thinks about because, yknow, she was the only girl at the start. i love her but in a ship with luffy? :/

- random headcanon hes an adhd hyperactive child your honor. hes not actually stupid, but his brain is just a monkey juggling with bananas on a tricycle at 120mph in a highway. he cant focus for the love of whoever is above, but he doesnt lack intelligence, he just actively decides to be an idiot because he doesnt want zoro to be left out

- unpopular opinion i read that some people, after A CERTAIN POINT OF THE STORY, believe that luffy lacks character development n emotional growth (id love to go into the details but too long). imo this isnt necessarly the case, mainly because op isnt the story of how the world changed its mc (as in, maybe, yuuji, with all the hardships he had to overcome). op is the story of how luffy has changed and is going to change the world, how hes going to shape it to his own will, so i think itd be more correct to measure the growth in the worldbuilding changes more than in its mcs

- song i associate with them how far we've come by matchbox 20, mainly because of this amv

- favorite picture gif of them

#asks #charmspoint #one piece #op #monkey d luffy

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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This is totally cool, lol! That's why I tagged you, I like different perspectives 🥰 and I adore lesbian Jenny

I've been thinking a lot about Jenny's character and sexuality lately since I'm in the middle of rewatching the show. I totally agree that she's attracted to women and most times she pursues guys it's mainly to increase social status and not because of genuine interest. Nate always felt different to me, though. Like, the two times she really pursues him is in season 2, when she's being homeschooled and trying to make it as a designer, and the end of season 3, which is after the whole Damien drama and she's just looking for someone who cares about her and respects her (I know you said once that it doesn't even feel romantic here, which I also agree with, poor girl just needs a connection). I do really see how it can be interrupted as comphet, though. Like she feels like she's supposed to be attracted to Nate because who wouldn't be?

I think the reason why I lean the other way is probably just projection. Jenny's been my favourite GG character since I first watched the show when I was 12, partly because I relate a lot to her, and since I'm bisexual... Add that plus the fact that I totally have had a crush on Nate and of course I'm gonna ship them. I've been relating to Jenny even more this time around cause I dropped out of school this year, so her season 2 arc really hit close to me. So this made my jenate feelings come back tenfold and also made me that much madder at Rufus, lol. I just wanted to go through the screen and shake his shoulders like "There are other paths than the one you want your daughter to have, not everyone has to go through life like society expects you to let your daughter carve out her own unconventional path you fucking idiot!" Luckily my parents have been way more supportive.

Mainly I just see Jenny as bi with a strong lean towards women, but I like to think about lesbian Jenny, too. It wouldn't exactly be the first time I had contradicting headcanons.

I don't know I just think it's really cool that different people can have such different interpretations of the same character. I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences. Tumblr can be so focused on hating people who disagree with you, but I like following people with different opinions, it helps me understand people better.

Yeah, I'm glad you tagged me!! back in November, some anons were mean to me about shipping Jenate (me??? who literally does not even - anyway) and ever since then I've been trying extra to ensure that Jenate shippers feel welcome on my blog - you may already know this, because I've brought it up before, but I'm saying it here to let you know that every time you tag me in your Jenate edits I get so happy that you're sharing something you're so passionate about with me!! I'm also a big believer of like........ making the content you want to see (a big part of why I even learnt to gif is because nobody was giffing Dan & Nate, and I was like...... that's the content I need, so if it's not already existing, I'm gonna make it happen!) so regardless of my feelings it's always so cool to see the way you conceptualise JN + their feelings re: each other, and your choice of scenes + lyrics (??? I'm not actually familiar with where you got the words for your edits, they're likely songs I haven't heard, haha) is just so interesting & good!

OH my full Jenny & Nate feelings are a lot more complicated than just comphet on Jenny's part. I feel like..... neither of them was romantically/sexually into each other? and that is kind of the appeal to me? I've always interpreted Nate's interest in Jenny during the s2 arc as sort of like - everything in his life is so unstable and undetermined, and here is Jenny who is so clear on who she is and what she wants, and he admires and respects that, and he wants to be there for her and support her, so when she kisses him he just sort of lets her take their dynamic wherever she wants to? that is very much the vibe I got. You already know how I feel about lesbian Jenny, I mean, you quoted my meta right back at me :'))

but I DO agree with you that Nate is different from the other guys to Jenny. JN have this really specific kind of honesty to them - well, when Jenny wasn't spiralling and trying to get power and acting out, and when the writers actually cared? I still think that NJ had the potential to be a SOLID dynamic but the writers made it sorta unhealthy on the show :(( - but I've spoken abt moments like in seventeen candles and the empire strikes jack before, where they're both able to be emotionally vulnerable around each other in ways we don't see them be with anyone else. I've even compared that to what I like about Derena, whom everyone knows I ship in every possible way, haha. But there's something about characters who trust each other and allow themselves to be honest with each other in ways that they wouldn't otherwise EVER be - especially with characters like Jenny & Nate who have spent so long trying to seem fine and okay even when they're really not.

I honestly really like the idea of queerplatonic Jenate - they're life partners, they're each other's rock, they're each other's person - but it's not romantic OR sexual - and for Nate & Jenny, whose adolescence has involved navigating other people sexualising them so much + not having the best track record with romantic relationships - for them, I feel being qpps gets REALLY interesting, because you get all the perks of a relationship without the romantic/sexual obligations? (obligations isn't the best word, but i don't know what else to use here? LOL) and that's something i love to explore.

I feel like book Jenny was bi! The way she gushed about Nate, whom she canonically had a crush on, and the way she gushed about Serena were EXACTLY the same. Also YES I love multiple headcanons always, it's a lot of fun seeing people explore that!!! I know people who have aroace readings of Jenny, or aro lesbian / ace lesbian readings of her, and I find that really cool, too!

I also definitely get you about relating to Jenny a lot, and feeling that kind of connection. It's similar to how I feel about Dan, and .... explains a lot of my contradicting dair views, actually. A few years ago I had a seriously intense crush on a girl who was... a lot like Blair, in many ways. I spent a ridiculous amount of time writing poetry about her, etc etc, but I never actually acted on it. If she'd fabricated schemes that involved us kissing, though..... I don't know. I don't think I would've denied it if I'd felt like I actually had a chance. I think we just had a case of bad timing, & I like to think in another universe, maybe we were actually together for a bit. I'm glad that your parents are supportive of you and better than Rufus! <3

I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences <- THIS exactly! this is a big part of why that "proship" is in my bio. like this is exactly what it means to me and how I conceptualise & understand it!!! Like you, I also like engaging with people who have different understandings and opinions of the characters -> it definitely helps you make new friends you would otherwise not meet by staying in your bubble, & from a fandom point of view, it also helps you develop a more nuanced understanding of a character. Some of the best written Jenny Humphrey I've read was in Jenate fics - and I've had people who don't even ship Blenny tell me they liked the way I wrote Jenny in my post canon blennyfic, so... idk. it's loving Jenny hours - each and every single iteration of Jenny!!!

#long post #edmundapologist #jenate #i would usually like . put a post of this length under a read more #but i don't know where i would insert that here? so this is how it turns out i guess #meta #also adding the #personal #tag. this feels mildly TMI but it's nothing i haven't said before in tags #this is the first time i'm Formally putting it out here though #tumblr user rainathorpe came THIS close to having an irl dair arc... hashtag so much for that #ALSO ! sometimes i tag stuff like that because like -#my blog kind of serves as a record or journal for ME #sometimes i read thru my own posts like 'so true bestie' fghgklhf #which i think is the best way to run a tumblr. be your own audience!#thank you for this ask btw - it's very sweet!! <3

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ilovemygaydad · 5 years

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title: v spooky

pairings: qpr lamp, implied poly deceit relationship (i imagine it as remileceit but... it’s up to you tbh!)

summary: unfortunately for him, virgil is not so sneaky about his purchases.

warnings: mentioned sympathetic deciet, snakes, vaguely implied sexual activity, some swearing maybe, one word of caps, excited yelling, drug mention (it’s just used in a metaphor once), and possibly something else

a/n: this is from @hiddendreamer67‘s october prompt list! today’s word was “cage.” this is quite possibly the fluffiest thing i have ever written. aroace virgil, patton, and logan and aro roman! :D

a/n 2: all fics for this list will be under the tag “#october 2019 fics”

check my bio for commission info

check out my ao3

buy me a coffee

“Virgil, starlight?”

The man in question froze in his steps, whipping his head to look at Logan. He was reading a book in the corner of the living room, and it didn’t seem like he was even slightly looking in the direction of Virgil.

Letting out a sigh of relief to not have been caught, Virgil shifted the large item in his arms. “What’s up, Lo?”

“Why are you trying to sneak a cage into the apartment?”

“It’s not… Dude, it’s not a cage! That… Lo, you’re being totally ridiculous,” Virgil awkwardly laughed. He adjusted the hoodie he’d draped over the definitely-not-cage; he should have realized that his QPP had eyes on the back of his freaking head.

Just then, the front door to the apartment swung open, and Roman loudly called, “Good afternoon, my darling partners!”

“Why the hell were you gone so long?” Logan asked, still not looking up from his book.

“I was doing… things.”

“Gross,” Logan muttered. “Did you--”

“Shower? Yes, obviously. I’m not a heathen!” Roman scoffed.

“Jury’s still out on that one, I’m afraid.”

Roman’s indignant stuttering gave Virgil the perfect out to properly escape into his office, but Roman took that exact moment to notice him.

“Whaddaya got, Virge? Ooooooh! Is it a present?”

“It’s--”

“GUYS!” Patton screamed as he ran through the door, bouncing like a five-year-old on drugs. “Dee told me that Virgil bought a snake! Isn’t that awesome!”

All eyes turned to Virgil, who felt his face go very pale. Slowly, he nudged his hoodie off of the top of the terrarium to unearth the tiny rosy boa curled up like a little ball. “Um… Surprise?”

“You…” Logan blinked a few times as he grasped what was happening. “You bought a snake?”

“I mean… Yeah? I was visiting Dee at his shop today, and he said that this little guy had been in there forever, but no one had wanted him yet. He gave me a discount and some free supplies, so… I said yes? His name is Spooky.” Virgil set the tank down on the dining room table and gently grabbed Spooky. The orange snake immediately coiled around his wrist like a little snake bracelet.

“Why didn’t Dee just take it home?”

“One of his husbands said, and I quote, ‘If you bring home another snake, I swear on our lord and savior Meryl Streep that I will end you.’” Virgil chuckled a little. “I mean, it’s a valid argument, too. He’s gotta have at least fifteen of them if you don’t count the ones he’s breeding.”

Patton nodded excitedly. “Yeah! Dee said he really wanted to find this little guy a good home, too. What better than four QPPs with very flexible schedules and a lot of love to give!”

“Plus,” Virgil added with a tiny grin. “His name is very accurate, and it’s almost Halloween. See, look at how scary he is!” He moved over to Logan and held Spooky out. His little tongue blepped Logan on the nose in a very scary manner. “He’s practically murderous!”

Logan rolled his eyes but smiled fondly. “Alright. He is rather cute, and I have always found snakes rather interesting.”

“Aha!” Roman cheered, swiping the snake from Virgil’s hands carefully. “A toast to Sir Spooky the Brave!”

“It’s just Spooky--” Virgil tried to correct.

“Sir Spooky the Brave!”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. Just help me set his stuff up.”

#qpr lamp #lamp #ts deceit #sympathetic deceit #sanders sides fic #m writes things #m writes lamp #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #october 2019 fics

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alienssayweirdstuff · 6 years

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Alien Personalties

OS only. AF will be in the next post.

This includes their personalities and sexualities/romantic....ities. I don’t know the world. (I got very tired around the end I’m v sorry, plus some of the characters haven’t been fully developed. My friend has helped me write a few of their personalities and she knows a few of them better than I as she wrote them out more.)

EDIT: I forgot Wildvine??? I??? Don’t??? Know how???

Heatblast - A flirt who has a sweet side, but fails to show it. Unintentionally like Heath Burns from Monster High, but he's often successful. Essentially, he's a mix of Heath Burns and Lance McClain. He's a goofball, but is a kind, caring guy underneath his flirty, 'charming' exterior. Along with that, he's bi! (Although, I should clarify, I know bi people are not all Lance McClains, they're all their own people, just as Heatblast is. Heatblast and Swampfire share a joke of fiery romantic passion, as I figured having the two fire-guys being as such would provide comedic relief)

Diamondhead - Calm, monotone, responsible, and mature. He's one of the few who acts as a leader, but tends to be the one to make more domestic deicisions. Such as who will be in charge of what sort of chores or something like that. Kind of like the mom from Coraline, the normal one, not the other mother. Also less . . . neglectful. He's married to Four Arms in the Guardian AU, but is only dating him in the high school au and TCFTO.

XLR8 - Energetic as can be, often thinks of himself as an edgy, scary raptor, but in reality . . . he's quite the opposite. Like a mashup of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Often, he is paired with Cannonbolt, who's the only one able to handle the Kinecelaren's sugar highs. An important thing to keep in mind: never give the dude any coffee. Ever. Another good comparison is Gregg from Night In The Woods. (Also he’s gay/ace!!)

Grey Matter - The most responsible out of everyone, and the most intelligent, especially techwise. He's often the one to come up with any battle plans, and usually best to go to to get educational help without petty comments. Also aroace. We deserve representation.

Four Arms - Unintentionally similar to @thisunknowngenius 's interpretations of him. He's angered easily, but finds comfort in those close to him. He's one of the oldest out of all of his friends, and 'takes repsonsibhility' in everyone. Quote on quote.

Ripjaws - Kind of like the common conception of a gamer, or like a mix of Markiplier and Cr1tikal. Has his moments of rage, but otherwise often seems like he's relaxed or lowkey deosn't really care about much of anything. That is until he becomes a victim of pranks, or Ghostfreak is around. They tend to not get along well. He’s straight but like hasn’t found himself the right person yet. He’s gonna find her.

Wildvine - A relaxed dude, with a love for gardening, because although I suppose it can be considered predictable, it’s too cute not to have it be an interest of his. He’s softspoken, contrary to his voice, and often adds a bit of sensibility to the crazed situations the aliens often find themselves in. Like a strange mix of Treehugger and Twilight Sparkle from MLP. Just don’t mess up his plants . . . he has a strange friendship with Ghostfreak. He’s panromantic and asexual.

Upgrade - Not much of a social butterfly, but a sweet person regardless. He’s a bit of a pushover, but mainly with more . . . aggressive people. Otherwise he’s good at standing up for himself. He and Ghostfreak are dating, being polar opposites it’s unexpected, but their relationship grew due to that.

Ghostfreak - Best described as the cliche, edgy, Hot Topic employee. To a certain degree. Ghostfreak sees himself as mysterious, dark, and gloomy. Regardless of his love for cake. He also sorta kills criminals who commit awful crimes. Don’t...don’t worry about it. (Also he’s severely a big sweetheart but only Upgrade ((and his mom Ayano)) know shhhh)

Ditto - I really can’t word it . . . he’s a lot like reboot Ben. That’s the best way I can describe him. He’s doesn’t really feel any attraction towards anyone in a romantic or anything like that, but he loves his family sm.

Cannonbolt - An extreme yet pleasant contrast to XLR8. He’s calm, quiet, almost motherly. He has his moments of sort of spazzing out, but otherwise is quite relaxed. He’s also quite the talented cook. He loves his scaly bf.

Snare-Oh - A mix of Cleo De Nile and Rainbow Dash. He’s actually from a high class family in the Guardian and High School AU, but hates it, and finds it limiting to just be given what he wants. Regardless, he has a love and strong desire for shiny things. He loves shiny things. So much. Also big tsundere. Pan boy.

Frankenstrike - Reserved. He’s very often kept to himself, but he’s nice regardless. He acts as a voice of reason often, and is the only who has to drag his Halloween fangtastic friends. A fellow aroace buddy!

Blitzwolfer - Sleepy. Tired. Nice though. Good. Joins Ghosty and Snare-Oh’s hijinks for the hell of it. If you’re at all familiar with Soul from Soul Eater (mainly in the early part of the series), he’s a good comparison.

Way Big - Big soft. Shyyyyy. So shy. He’s so nice tho. But um. He’s self conscious about his tolness. Ironic, I know. Sweet tho. When he finds people he can get attached to, he gets much more comfortable around them, even cracking a few jokes here and there. He’s pan. Also!!! Really!!! Likes!!! Pokémon!!! Highly unrelated but worth mentioning!!!

#ben 10 #ben 10 aliens #personalities #heatblast #diamondhead #xlr8 #grey matter #four arms #ripjaws #upgrade #ghostfreak #ditto #cannonbolt #snare oh #frankenstrike #blitzwolfer #way big

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britneyshakespeare · 5 years

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1, 2, 4, 15, and 16 for the 'identity asks'.

Thanks Helena! Hope you’re having a wonderful expedition

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

i’ve actually been thinking of a similar concept in my mind a lot lately, for whatever reason. pieces of art/media that i admire a lot, and am always thinking about at least subconsciously

lady windermere’s fan and the ballad of reading gaol by oscar wilde

sense and sensibility by jane austen

a midsummer night’s dream by william shakespeare (and also probably the tempest if we’re being fair)

buffy the vampire slayer (1997-2003) and its spin-off angel (1999-2004)

the spider-man trilogy by sam raimi (2002-2007)

any poem collected in w. b. yeats’ 1921 volume michael robartes and the dancer

the white album by the beatles (and also probably revolver)

absolutely anything ever written by emily dickinson

rebel without a cause dir. nicholas ray

anything ever recorded by marianne faithfull

brian jones. just his life itself was art.

a fever you can’t sweat out and pretty. odd. by panic! at the disco

i probably should’ve stopped before i got to #13 but i could go on. a bunch of various albums and books and plays and movies that have had an impact on me. things i could passionately go off about at any moment.

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

i think the reason i consider shakespeare, dickinson, and wilde as my favorite writers (in english at least) is because there’s sort of an affinity i’ve had for each of them at one point or another. shakespeare’s very layered and archaic, metaphoric writing style always resonated with me. when i read shakespeare i think “this is what i’d like to write if i could live up to my full potential as a writer.” with dickinson, i have too much in common, biographically, not to relate to her. and i love her simplicity and use of metaphor so much. she really was a wonderful amateur, in such an inspiring way. her plain, uncut, unedited poems are just “primitive” as some critics have noted, in such a pure, uncut poetical energy sort of sense. and with wilde, what can i say there? probably the first “serious” writer i can say i discovered on my own (technically i discovered dickinson by myself in fifth grade through the book feathers by jacqueline woodson, and the poem stuck with me, but i just didn’t connect to her so much at that age) when i was a sophomore in high school. and i just felt so much oneness with the contradictory, constantly ironic and paradoxical wit of his. i don’t really know what i could say i have in common with oscar wilde, personally, but whenever i read his works they just feel instantly relatable.

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?

i do, i do like my name. although i don’t necessarily know if i’d say it “fits” me. what name fits anyone, really?

“diana” always felt so pretty and elegant to me, which i am very much not. my dad wanted to name me jacqueline and call me jackie but my mom thought that sounded “hideous! and matt, we’re not the kennedys!”

i like my last name, though. short and sweet, semi-common but not, like, smith common, and close to the beginning of the alphabet. before i knew i was aroace, i always thought if i got married, i’d keep my last name (and this goes back to when i was like, 10, so, way before i had any comprehension of any feminist reason to do so). and if i ever had kids, they’d all get my name.

15. five most influential books over your lifetime?

hmmm. i already named some with #1 but i’ll try and be a little different because this is a slightly different question.

feathers by jacqueline woodson, even though i haven’t read it since middle school at latest. and maybe also yankee girl by mary ann rodman. for some reason when i was in late elementary school i had this phase where i’d read all these historical fiction books about civil rights and racism. i don’t really know why! i was a little white girl in a 97% white suburban town of only a couple thousand people. with yankee girl it was because my friend read it, it was set in the 60s, and they made a bunch of references to the beatles which made me all excited. and then i just happened upon feathers the next year. but i think a first-person perspective through books, gave me a sort of understanding of american history as it affects people who are not me. that was good for me to read at that age. i went off too much about that.

the picture of dorian gray, probably. what can i say about wilde that i haven’t already said? hmm… i don’t know, but it’s a great novel.

spider-man comics in general, but especially the more human-centric storylines, behind the mask and all that. if i were to put one specific book it’d probably be death of the stacys with an honorable mention for the early 2000s miniseries spider-man: blue. but blue can’t really be read without the understanding of the death of the stacys. and also that was the first graphic novel i ever bought (well, it was a birthday present actually). but yes. the tragedy of gwen stacy especially is still a touchy subject for me.

american psycho by bret easton ellis. if for nothing else than i quote it (the novel and the superb movie adaptation directed by mary herron) with my sister constantly. but it really is top-notch 80s satire. if you haven’t read it, helena, i so recommend it. in many ways it’s a century-later update of the picture of dorian gray, but without the portrait and instead with constant psychological tumult. it’s gripping as hell.

hmmmm. this is hard. i probably answered too many for #1. i guess i’ll say the complete poems of w. b. yeats edited by richard finneran. it was one of the first volumes of poetry i ever bought for myself, i used to just read online or in the library. but it’s my constant companion, i bring it with me everywhere. and i knew a decent amount about poetry before yeats, but i still learned a lot from yeats. it was (and still often is) a challenge to get the most out of a yeats poem, but it’s always a reward to read and reread them.

16. if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

god no! i don’t know what i WOULD be like in any other circumstance, but i’ve had way too extravagantly odd of a life to think this shit didn’t shape me into one extravagantly odd bitch. but in the personal tragedies department, i wouldn’t really change anything. i like who i am, scars and all.

but with basic background details, everybody in my dad’s family has the exact same sense of humor, myself included. i have way too many aunts and uncles and cousins on that side, most of whom i hardly know and only see a couple of times a year at most, but through circumstances recently i’ve been in contact with a few of them that i didn’t normally talk to growing up, and it’s just fucking uncanny. like, just imagine the kind of self-deprecating and absurd personal posts i make, but imagine them being regurgitated by dozens of people older than me around a thanksgiving table (or, a couple of large tables pushed together), and most of them are male. none of us take ourselves very seriously, and it’s quite the opposite on my mother’s side. i don’t think i resemble either of my parents much in temperament, but as far as the culture they both grew up in, my influences only get clearer and clearer every day.

identity ask………oh shit

#shit this is so fucking long #love you helena #long post #shecomesincolors #dianswered

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aroworlds · 6 years

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Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Techno

Our next aro-spec creator is Techno or @techno-trashcan, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @aro-soulmate-project!

Techno is an aroace writer and musician who’s doing amazing work in reclaiming and reshaping amatonormative narratives. I can’t describe her craft better than how she’s put it herself, so I’ll quote her blog header: writing to redefine the concept of soulmates from an aromantic perspective.

She’s also found on Arocalypse under the same username, for folks who want to get to know her and her work outside of Tumblr!

With us Techno talks about aro narrative in an amatonormative world, her love for the aro-spec community, the isolation of being an aro creative and an amazing-sounding original work we should all be looking forward to. Her passion for aro storytelling is writ in every word, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

When I was growing up, for years I never even considered my orientation. I didn’t get crushes–there was at least one instance where I thought I did or pretended I did because I wanted to be friends with a boy, but that was when I was very, very young. I never really developed an interest in boys (or girls, or anyone else), even once I hit puberty, and I really never thought that was weird. It wasn’t until 9th grade that things changed; there was a guy at my school who apparently had a crush on me, although I, being aro and oblivious, did not realize it at the time. He asked me if I liked anyone, and I said I didn’t, and chalked it up to being because I’d grown up with the same boring boys for so many years, so how could I? But I really didn’t think it was weird until he told me that “everyone likes someone at some point” and I got highly defensive without even knowing why.

And when I brought this up to people around me, they were like, “yeah, well, it is kind of weird, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing,” and I’d learned what asexuality was, and by extension aromanticism, around that time. I don’t really know when the seed was planted in my brain or when I really embraced my orientation, but somewhere along the line it just became a part of my life. It’s been four years and nothing’s changed, so I guess I have that boy to thank for setting me on this path. And that’s my aro story, or the short version at least.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been drawn to writing, music and art. I’m a musician, I like to draw sometimes even if I’m bad at it, and I’ve been writing stories from a young age. Writing definitely became an outlet for me throughout the most complicated moments of my life, even if I didn’t always use that outlet appropriately or effectively. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I always have something to say!

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

I find writing about my aro experiences, even if just for myself, cathartic at times. On my aro blog, I have a writing project where I take prompts and ideas for soulmate AUs and stuff and turn them on their heads, because arospec people are so often left out of that conversation or just written in with a “soulmates can be platonic too so sure aros are included i guess” in a way that erases many aro experiences, so I try to combat that. Sometimes just writing out how I feel is a way of expressing my aro experiences in its own way, too.

Please click keep reading to continue Techno’s story!

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

When I was younger and didn’t know what being aro even was, I would try to write romance, and it’d either end up really cliche or just completely bland because I had no idea what I was talking about. And once I realized why that was, trying to write romance became basically impossible because I have no experience to channel when doing it.

I also feel like most people don’t want to read a story without romance, or else they’ll just try to read between the lines and find it even when it doesn’t exist (shipping culture is a prime example of that). For that reason I often feel alienated from other writers, and I feel like no story I ever write will satisfy some people.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

The aro community means a hell of a lot to me. The community here on Tumblr and also on Arocalypse is the only community I really have, as I don’t know any out aro-spec people in real life. I used to feel more connected to the ace community than the aro community, but at some point that dynamic got turned on its head. I often find myself frustrated with parts of the ace community because of the way it sometimes erases or devalues aro-spec experiences in favor of reinforcing the idea that asexual people can and often do still experience romantic attraction and form romantic relationships, and that’s an extremely important distinction to make, but the delivery often leaves me, as an aroace, feeling like I’ve been left on the backburner.

What frustrates me with the aro community is how small we are, but more so I’m astounded each and every day by the amount of love that pours out of this community, and the nuanced and thoughtful discussions that so many of us are just dying to have the moment we’re given the opportunity.

TL;DR: I love the aro community with every inch of my sad aro heart.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

Being an aro creative can be extremely isolating. As I said before, people want a good romance story so badly they’ll even read one where there isn’t, and this goes for stuff like music, too. So much content out there is all about romantic love and that’s extremely isolating for an aro-spec person. With my soulmate project, just searching for more prompts exposes me to so much erasure and amatonormativity. Some of these people are the same people who say they support us, but they are so quick to erase us when it means they get the story they want.

Writing about my experiences and having no one pay attention to them feels like screaming at the top of my lungs into a void that never answers.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Following me at @aro-soulmate-project and reblogging my work is the best way to do that! I also very much appreciate messages, questions, suggestions, anything! Even just talking to other aros gives me the drive to create more.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

Currently my project is on a bit of a hiatus as I finish up my semester at college and get back into the swing of things, but I’m still posting other stuff, and I should hopefully be back at it again soon! Generally, I find a prompt for a soulmate-related story online and then think about how I could twist it to fit a possible aro experience. It gets hard to cover the wide range of aro experiences, but mostly I want to work against the idea that everyone has their perfect match out there and will some day never be alone again, even platonically, because that’s simply not true, and even works which incorporate aros usually don’t do it tastefully, accurately, or organically. I try to keep them varied, but a lot of them are just me projecting! I need to go on the hunt for more prompts, so send them my way if you’ve got them…

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

Oh boy, I’m excited! A few years ago I wrote a short story for my fiction class called The Heartless that was basically a metaphor for aro(ace) experiences. And now that I have a lot more experiences on both the writing front and the aro front, I’m rewriting it and expanding on it! It’s a vaguely fantasy story that deals with the main character, Ace (haha), going on a journey to find out what happened to his parents and his best friend. Without giving too much away, it deals with navigating what it means to be human in a world where everyone else is constantly dehumanizing you. Aro experiences, wholesome platonic shenanigans ensue. I can’t say when it’ll be done, because I’m notoriously bad at keeping up with projects, but I plan on posting it to my aro blog once it’s done!

#aro spec artist profiles #aro soulmate project #techno trashcan #techno #text #original fiction and prose #original fiction #aroace #long post #very long post #amatonormativity #support our aro spec creatives if you can #link #arospec community #amatonormativity in creativity

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rachello344 · 7 years

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Tagged by @shizuna610! Here we go! ;D (Same as before, 11 questions, but I’m not in a tagging mood rn;;; ) Thanks for tagging me, hon!!

1 What was your first fandom? In the sense we have now, like with the community stuff? Probably... Supernatural or DCMK? Depending on the extent of community needed. If we’re talking fandom like “first thing you enjoyed long term in any meaningful and more than canon way” it’s either Zelda or Sonic though. XD I mean, I wrote Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic when I was like eight and my friends and I all “RP’d” stories with them--make believe games, lol So, any of those probably count. ^_^

2 Your favourite beverage? Diet coke, tbh. I’m also a fan of the sweeter kind of cocoa (like Nestle more than Starbucks lol)

3 Describe from your POV how the meeting with your fav character would go Mm, I don’t think I’m gonna do this one. I’m still not sure how to get myself into a believable situation with any of my faves tbh. I’ve always felt a little weird about inserting myself;;; Kaito’s charming and funny, though, so I’d probably love talking to him. Also, I’ve liked magic on and off since I was a kid. ^^

4 Your first crush? Kind of hard to say. I’m not sure I’ve technically had one? Not in the classic sense, anyway. I feel really strong platonic love for my best friends and... sometimes that is very confusing. (Especially because I would lowkey be down to marry one of them...) So, uh, being somewhere along the lines of aroace makes things... difficult. But I guess, probably my longest best friend? *shrugs*

5 Any memorable Grand RealizationTM moments? Honestly, when I was reading people’s stories about realizing they were ace, I laughed along for a few of them like, oh yeah haha that would be awkward. But then. I realized. The person was talking about pretending to have crushes when they were a kid, like elementary school, and I... hadn’t realized people were serious about those? I ALWAYS lied about “who I liked.” I chose someone no one else did so I wouldn’t start a fight, and usually someone who seemed nice. People talked about crushes around me from as early as three years old and I think I always thought they were kidding? Like, it really never occurred to me that they might be serious. “He has a crush on you” lol why So, this is rambling, but my Big Ace Realization was definitely a lightbulb moment XD

6 Favourite subject/field of study? Uh, I feel obligated to say English XD English Lit is all I really know how to study haha Although, I love reading about new scientific discoveries. Especially space exploration. Nothing gets me going more than the great unknown being discovered, little by little. <3

7 What languages do you speak/know and which ones would you like to learn? I speak English and a little Japanese. I can also understand some Spanish, but not much.

8 Any pet peeves? How much time do we have? And how petty are we talking? Like, on a literal word-use level, You can lead someone around and say that you led them somewhere. Lead is also an incredible dense metal. (LED is a type of light.) And like. Well. I think maybe I should stop there. I might have a few too many pet peeves...

9 Favourite quote(s)? “All monsters must be killed except for the beautiful ones.” It just... It hit me really hard. I don’t know, but here it is.

10 Anything that made you smile today? I got to spend time with two people I like a lot today! It was super fun, so I spent most of the day smiling. ^_^ I’d missed them both a lot, so seeing them again was super nice. <3

11 Wild card~ Put in anything about yourself Uh, alright, I have a younger brother who causes a lot of trouble. We get along pretty well now that we’re both older (and now that he likes anime lol), but when we were younger we mostly ignored each other unless one of us was scared or anxious about something (or we were watching TV or playing board games as a family, or if he was playing Zelda and wanted someone (me) to read the guide and keep him company lol) Some days I want to smack him, but if anyone tried to hurt him, I’d square up and fight for him. ^_^

#rachel answers #shizuna610

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purrplelace · 7 years

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Ace Like Jughead

This post is being written for January 2017′s Carnival of Aces, hosted by @aceadvice with the theme: “Many Ways To Be Ace.” This is what I was planning on writing about, but it also connected a lot to some feelings I had about this post about Jughead’s erased asexuality by Queer As Cat, so I included that response as well.

Asexual. It means a different thing for each asexual person in the world. It is also how I most prefer to identify. Not Greyromantic Asexual, which would also work, or Aromantic Asexual. Just Asexual.

For me, my asexuality and my aromanticism are not two different things. They are connected. They interact with each other, impact my life in much the same way as each other. When I call myself asexual, I mean something very similar to what someone who is sexually and romantically attracted to two or more genders means when they call themselves bisexual (as opposed to a biromantic bisexual). When I call myself asexual, I mean that I am not interested in people in a sexual/romantic way, regardless of their gender.

I am not opposed to using the word aromantic to discuss my experiences, especially within ace and aro circles. But I still feel that for me the two are connected, and identifying primarily as asexual is important to me.

Now, you might be thinking something along the lines of “But asexual means you don’t experience sexual attraction” or, “You are harming alloromantic asexuals with your personal identity.” That last one is the one I am most afraid of when discussing this among ace people. And to be totally honest, I am not cool with the idea that saying my personal identify harms others. (And it sort of reminds me of the whole “asexuality is inherently homophobic because it sexualizes gay people” thing.)

I am going to go on a tangent and talk about the second-wave feminism concept of “The Personal Is Political.” The idea is basically to have an awareness of how political and oppressive forces can shape our daily lives. However, this has somehow morphed into “I need to fight oppressive forces with my daily life or I am a bad person” (here is an example, cw for sex and kink mentions). And I disagree with that. All that leads to is burnout (and another oppressive force acting on your personal life).

Here is a link of some contemporary views on “The Personal Is Political.” I personally liked this quote the best:

The personal as the political was never meant to be a prescription of how to live your life. It was never meant to be a rallying cry to shave off your hair and take up with the lady next door. But what it was really meant to do was create an awareness of how our personal lives are ruled by political forces. Of how the fact that women were not economically or politically equal to men meant that their relationships were unequal too.

Katherine Viner, in On the Move: Feminism for a new generation

Awareness about how political and oppressive forces can shape our daily lives is meant to help us make informed decisions about our lives, and to help us figure out what we need to combat on a political level and how we are going to do that.

In preparation for the CW’s Riverdale, which is premiering later this month, I had seen several posts by other aces talking about how the comics have a canon asexual character in them. I had been feeling sort of upset about being ace for a week or so, and I decided it was probably because I was watching too many TV shows where the romance played a big part. So the not-so-easy remedy for this is to read/watch something with an ace character. I remembered what I had read about Jughead, and I decided to take a leap of faith (I haven’t read a graphic novel since I read Captain Underpants in the first grade) and buy Chip Zdarsky’s graphic novel Jughead, Volume One.

I loved it.

I cannot begin to express how much I loved it. In every issue, there was something pertaining to his asexuality mentioned somewhere. He actively deals with other people’s attitudes/awareness about his asexuality and it is... so great.

For those of you who have little exposure to the comics, Jughead is explicitly referred to as asexual by another character, he explicitly says he does not get crushes, and he has negatively reacted to touch (especially by girls flirting with him) on many occasions.

In other words, Jughead is ace like me. Sure, there are a few differences--I am a little less touch averse. I don’t have the superiority complex he has about it. Jughead never really says himself how he identifies, so we can’t be sure what he knows about asexuality/aromanticism and if he would identify like me or as aroace or something else, but either way, his asexuality and lack of romantic interest and touch aversion are all related and interconnected, much the way mine is.

Cole Sprouse recently said that, in spite of his efforts, Jughead is not currently being portrayed as asexual on the show. And most of the articles that reported about it said things like (note: these are not direct quotes, I reworded them to emphasize the issues in the logic) “Jughead will not be asexual because he will have romances” or “Jughead will not be asexual because he will want sex.” On the part of the people writing those articles (and possibly Cole Sprouse, but the context was given by the reporters so it is hard to tell), that wording is awful and wrong. And the show is not out yet, so we can’t even properly correct them because we don’t know what they were trying to say in the first place. Does he have romances? Does he have sex? Does he say “LOL I’m a straight dude?” It is not clear.

Here is a snippet of Queer As Cat’s post I mentioned at the beginning of this post:

sure, Jughead showing romantic (or sexual) interest in women may be out of character for him, but that’s not even what everyone’s making noise about. people are specifically fighting to “keep Jughead #asexual”, even though aces can “have romances”– in every possible sense of the word– with women (or anyone else) and still be asexual. given that, what is it that people are really fighting for?

the “One True Asexual Narrative”, that’s what.

and once again, whether people are consciously aware of it or not, the fight for that specific narrative is being had at the cost of asexual representation that deviates from that narrative.

When I get upset about the asexual erasure in the CW’s Riverdale, I am not upset about asexuality as a whole being erased, I am upset about Jughead’s asexuality being erased. Jughead’s asexuality means that he doesn’t have romances. I am not fighting for “The One True Asexual Narrative,” I am fighting for Jughead’s Asexual Narrative, which does not involve romance or sex or even casual touch. I am fighting for the narrative that could allow others to empathize with me, and give me something to relate to so I don’t feel like shit about my asexuality after watching too much TV.

There is actually only one asexual narrative of a recurring character that has been on TV so far (that I am aware of), and that is Voodoo from Sirens. And her character was alloromantic, dated, and masturbated. She was awesome and the best part of the series, not gonna lie. Jughead is a very different kind of ace from her (especially in the fact that he is a guy, there aren’t a lot of ace guys and I know that that bothers many of the ace men I know), so if you were to truly fight for having multiple asexual narratives on TV, Jughead’s from the comics would diversify it best. (Though I am really in the camp of any asexual narratives on TV being good. As long as it isn’t what happened in House.)

There are so many ways to be ace. My way is just one way. Jughead’s is another. And Queer As Cat’s is another. You, the reader, assuming you are asexual because you are reading this post, have another way of being asexual. None of these ways of being ace invalidate each other. Every time an ace character comes into the spotlight, it seems that there are the people who say “but they are not like me, so they are not good representation.” We get so little that we begin to fight over crumbs, and it does not help. We need to start fighting for all types of asexual narratives to be told, not just ones that are like our own. And celebrate when our ace friends of differing romantic orientations have their narratives told. Which unfortunately there is nothing to celebrate at the moment. So we need to fight. Together.

#asexuality #aromanticism #aroace #carnival of aces #january 2017 carnival of aces #laura talks

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