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tarobytez · 3 years

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disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

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keenmarvellover · 4 years

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POSTS FOR YOU - 2

Some links to posts with valuable content you want in one place.(BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS THERE)

Suggestions and Recommendations are appreciated and accepted.

Last Updated : 31/12/2020

NOTE: Some of these post are written in a crude and unruly fashion. But they contain valuable tips, guidance and information. If you can't/don't want to read such posts, then don't read.

Mental Health

SELF-CARE MASTERPOST

Maybe this is what YOU need or 1 mutual of yours needs. So reblog.

Masterlist for Everything

Abuse. Self-harm. Theraphy. Suicide. Self-love. Coping. Chatrooms.

Masterlist for Everything(Part II)

A list of things to make you feel less overwhelmed.

Masterposts for a Bad Day

Check this out. (Part II)

Anxiety Attack vs Panic Attack

Please share and spread this knowledge.

Health

How to use an EpiPen

Please read the whole thread as tips and small bits of info have been added later

Bonjour Jolie - A site to order Period Boxes

It sends you basics like hygiene products, pain medication as well as snacks and pampering stuff to make you feel good with foods tailored to your specific needs

Staying warm during the Cold Wave

Tips to stay warm during the cold weather (sub zero conditions)

An App for people with problems communicating

during an attack or breakdown

How to get rid of Migraines?

How to get rid of tension migraines, normal migraines and sinus migraines

Basic exercises to do after sitting for a Long time

Please share if you feel you and your mutuals sit in front of a screen for long

Sensory- Friendly Clothing Line

Perfect for autistic children and adults

Chest Binder Information

How, Where and When of Chest Binding.

Artists

Drawing Asian Characters/People

Common misconceptions and some tips.

Free Applications to use instead of Adobe Photoshop

Saves a great deal of money for artists whoc can't afford it

Sites to report to if your work gets stolen

Check it out and spread.

How to draw Hands

With diagrams/pics

Basics for Art Students

That were not taught in school

Apps to find Pictures

Apps that do not steal, or show illegal pictures

Writers

How to write a Bilingual Character

When writing a character, write it effectively. Make it realistic and believable.

Useful Art Resources

This is an extensive list of resources for every problem you could come across while writing/planning/editing your novel.

How to end your Story

Types of endings for your stories.

How to write a Muslim Characters

Don't write stereotypes or false information spread by ignorant racist individuals

Virtue Continuum

A good chart for character development, especially when contrasting how they are vs. how they see themselves

A guide to coding and fanwork in AO3

Did you know you can write "Choose Your Own Adventure" on AO3. Bet you didn't.

Valuable Knowledge if you are planning on publishing a book

Given by a person who actually did it

Tips from an Experienced Writer

on writing scenes with different themes.

How to put “wrote fan-fiction” on your résumé

Actual tips and sentences that can be inserted in a resume for ARTISTS, WRITERS, GRAPHIC DESIGNERS.

Types of knives, blades, daggers and pointy things

References for writing those action scenes

College AU Scenarios

From real life

Character Designing

All aspects are covered.

Readers

Books by Muslim Authors

Some incredible books written by muslim authors that you should definitely check out.(2020 releases included)

Getting Creative on giving your comments

Use these if you wanna leave kudos or like again.

Students

Sites to get Free Course Books

Education is a right, it is not a service.

Tips to study when you have ADHD

May this post make your life a little more less daunting

School Cheat Sheets

I love op. They are a godsend to me and many other students. Period

Study Tips from a Psychology Teacher

To memorize and shit

Chrome Extensions

Note: All these extensions are free

Resources Masterlist for STUDENTS

Good Bless the person who made this.

Museums you can visit online

Saves you time and money

Sites for learning Ancient Languages

Pretty much everything is there

Miscellaneous/Life Hacks

A thread of Tips for Life on Adulthood

Tips, life hacks, everything is there.

Alignments Chart Memes

All empty and ready to be filled by YOU.

For the members of the LGBTQ+ Community who are religious

Please check it out.

Revenge Recipies by LGBTQ+ Community

It is not top secret Family recipe anymore.

If you are feeling bored, things to check out

Includes topics for artists, writers and random.

How to prepare for a Protests effectively

Please share. Valuable tips, guidance, information and help in one place.

Accessible Gardening for people with Physical Disabilities

Link to Book PDF

Clothing Tips and Hacks for Men

Men's fashion.( Collars and Cuffs)

Various Fancy Knots

Something fancy that you can DIY

How to remove A Content Blocker

Or how to get content without removing ad blocker

Make your own Language

This site has its own smart translator.

Sites to find Music according to your tastes

Some sites for when you’re bored and looking for new music

Rotten Apples/Fresh Apples

Check if a certain movie or TV show has any affiliation with anyone who was accused of sexual assault.

Desis

How to be an ANTI-CASTE Ally if you are an Upper-Caste

READ IT.

NOT ONLY DESI

All inclusive list to embrace your culture, history and ethnicity.

Safety

Encrypting Your Internet Surfing

Cybersecurity through firewalls created by Lava Lamps

What to do if you find yourself homeless

Tips for LIVING ALONE

Safety Products for Women

HOW TO FLAG PEDOPHILES

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.

Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Fire Safety

If you are taken abroad AGAINST YOUR WILL

#safety #writers #artists #students #micellenaous #readers #mental health

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queertheology · 4 years

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7 Habits of Highly Effective Allies

You started down the road of being an ally for LGBT people and now you find yourself realizing that this is hard work, that you don’t have it all figured out, and that sometimes people still get upset with you. Fear not! I put together seven habits of highly effective allies which will help get you started and keep you going in the right direction. Whether you are brand new in your support of LGBTQ people or years in the making, you’ll learn something from this.

1) CONTINUE YOUR EDUCATION

There’s more to being an ally than saying “It’s not a sin to be queer.” Once you get there, keep going. Learn about the many needs of LGBTQ people: housing, employment, health care, immigration, education, safety. Meet with queer people that aren’t on billboards and in TV ads. Learn about the needs of homeless queer youth, of genderqueer people, of kids who are transitioning, of immigrant queers, of serodiscordant couples. This is a lifetime journey and you will be so much more effective when you embrace growth and learning all along the way, always refusing to stagnate.

2) PASS THE MIC

It’s great that you are willing to speak up for us. World changing in fact. Step one is to recognize that you, as a straight cisgender person, receive unearned benefits at the expense of LGBTQ people. It is easier for you to get into school, to be ordained, to get married, to immigrate, to seek medical attention, to be published, to be invited to speak at a conference. You need to know and recognize this. And then you need to do something about it. Refuse to speak on straight-only panels. Invite LGBT people along on your speaking gigs. Interview or guest post LGBT writers, theologians, businesspeople, actors, artists, and activists on your blog or website. Recommend or distribute resources created by queer people rather than answering the question yourself.

3) REMEMBER THAT OPPRESSION IS AN ONION

Even straight white males are not immune from marginalization. Perhaps you are Muslim. Maybe you are in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction. Or have spent time in jail. Or have a mental health condition. Or a physical disability. Maybe your body size is not the one idealized by our culture.

There are a variety of ways that straight men and women suffer marginalization: gender, race, skin color, ethnicity, religion, body size, physical and mental capacities, disease/carrier status, incarceration record… the list goes on. You don’t need to be perfect. In fact, recognizing the ways in which we are both oppressor and oppressed is a key step in a path toward liberation for all. Allow us to work in solidarity with you too. You don’t need to be our savior (and we don’t need to be yours). We can be in this together, as partners!

4) GET IN THE WAY

We can speak for and defend ourselves and still there are times when we want your help. It can be tiring to explain over and over again why we think it’s OK to be gay or why we need to transition. Help us when we are exhausted by taking over those conversations. Stand in the way–literally–when people denigrate us with their words. My good friend Sam Crowell spoke up when a man entered our church and started spewing anti-gay rhetoric. As someone who works in solidarity with LGBTQ people, it’s important that when push comes to shove, you’ll have our back, you’ll get in the way, you’ll act up. It may be uncomfortable, it might get you in trouble, that’s part of the package: welcome to our lives.

5) GET MESSY

Let’s be honest right up front: straight people will give you flack for being difficult and pushy, for always talking about “the gay thing,” and for being hypersensitive. And queer people will give you flack for not doing enough, for being too patient, for not doing it right. At some point, you might lose friends, family, money, or jobs. Jay Bakker lost almost all funding for his church, Revolution NYC. This is messy stuff. Embrace the mess, get messy.

Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be gracious and thankful when corrected. Allow yourself to let go of the comfort and safety that comes privilege. It’s messy work and it is also gratifying, life-giving, sacred work. And with a heaping of grace, we can all get through this.

6) ENGAGE IN OTHER SOLIDARITY WORK

Make sure that as you pursue freedom for LGBT people, you don’t throw other people under the bus. Don’t demonize unmarried people, polyamorous people, pagans, or feminists to help us gain rights. Don’t forget about queer people living under US military occupation, or indigenous queer people whose stolen lands we live on. Don’t ever say “They’re just like you, not like those people.” There’s enough room for everyone. Foster alliances and collaborations, rather than divisions.

7) LISTEN TO US

I saved the most important one for last so it will be fresh in your mind. This is absolutely crucial. Listen to us. Always. Without exception. If we tell you that what you said is hurtful or harmful, it is: apologize and stop it. If we tell you that your strategy is counterproductive, stop it. If we tell you that you’re doing a great job, believe us! If we tell you that your association with a person or organization undermines our trust in you, it does.

You might disagree, we might be at odds with your friends, it might be uncomfortable. If you want to work in solidarity with us, you need to trust us. This is about us, our needs, our safety, our liberation.

BONUS: FOCUS MORE ON WORKING IN SOLIDARITY RATHER THAN SELF-IDENTIFYING AS AN ALLY

Instead of self-identifying as an “ally” focus more on working in solidarity with LGBTQ people. Calling yourself an ally places the focus on yourself rather than on LGBTQ liberation. It also presumes that you are doing productive, useful work. Many straight people are (Jay Bakker and Onlielove Alston are excellent examples). If you are, we’ll tell you! Instead, focus on the work that needs to be done and on partnering with and following LGBTQ. We need to claim our lives, humanity, autonomy, and freedom. We absolutely want you along for the journey and at the same time we do not want you to (even accidentally) revictimize us by taking away our voices, agenda, and self-direction.

LEARN MORE ABOUT TRANSGENDER THEOLOGY

This fall, we’ll be hosting a course completely dedicated to transgender theology. The course will be geared both toward transgender Christians and to cisgender folks who want to learn from and better serve transgender folks. In addition to the lesson materials, there will be both open and closed discussion spaces.

There’s nothing like this out there, so we’re creating it.

Hop on the waitlist to make sure you get a spot (and snag some exclusive extras)

#queer theology #faithfully LGBT #FaithfullyLGBT #gay christian #transgender christian #Christian #transgender #Christianity

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thefeastandthefast · 4 years

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Finally done with this garbage.

*insert “IT’S DONE” Frodo gif here*

Of course it remains hot garbage all the way to the end. I’ll be honest, I skimmed through the last two episodes posted on YouTube because I just needed it to be over so I could reclaim brain space. So forgive me if I miss anything.

WARNING, SUPER LONG RANT UNDER CUT.

Of course there’s no satisfactory closure for any of the relationships that were built in the first quarter of the show. Maoze and Danshu never get a final scene together. I didn’t expect there to be one, since her character development had long ossified into Song Dynasty Stepford Wife. Maoze, too, remains completely devoted to the emperor to the end. I’m actually surprised that I wasn't more upset about the lack of resolution for my Straw Hat babies. But then again, I lost interest in what they’d do with drama!Danshu twenty episodes ago.

He’er seems to have forgiven the emperor for all the suffering he put her and her daughter through. The last thing she says is that she has finally succeeded in accompanying her 6th Prince for an entire long lifetime. Doesn’t matter that she was ready to kill herself to defend Huirou just a couple episodes ago. What is character development?

Huirou’s trauma is so great that she has permanently broken with reality and regressed back into her childhood memories. He’er is relieved of this, because it means Huirou can live in her head in a happier time.

And before we’re shown all that, we get a scene where shitstain emperor gets to explain once more to Huirou why she’s at fault for everyone’s misery and why the stability of the empire is in danger because of her willfulness. She agrees to part from Huaiji forever, for the greater good. This is filmed and presented to us as a touching father-daughter heart to heart and not as the implicitly threatening psychological abuse that it is. Throughout the conversation, he defends Sima Guang as a true patriot who just cares about the people and their needs, though that asshole has been the megaphone of Neo-Confucian hyperconservatism this whole time, shouting for Huaiji’s head and for Huirou to be punished and thrown back into her torture chamber marriage. Yet another entry in the list of shitty powerful men who are absolved of the pain and suffering they cause without remorse, as long as they’ve got a platform and big mouths to spew enough words out to convince themselves and other powerful men of their moral superiority.

And the last we see of Huaiji, is him making an obeisance to the emperor’s memory. I’d wondered why the show added in the storyline of Huaiji’s brother, when Huaiji barely had any scenes or lines to express the pain of losing his family and future or his feelings about finding his roots again. There was only one scene, as far as I can remember. The purpose of writing Huaiji’s family backstory wasn’t to give more dimension to Huaiji’s character. No, It was actually to make the emperor more sympathetic and so that he could heroically be the instrument for the brothers’ eventual reunion in the end.

So Zhao Zhen gets to die beloved by all the women he destroyed and lauded by all who once questioned and criticized him. He gets to die in Danshu’s arms as she sobs “take me with you”. The last words on the screen are ones that celebrate his legacy as a benevolent ruler, taken from the Yuan Dynasty-era History of Song.

Let’s be honest, this drama is Chinese history used as political propaganda the entire way through. Because there are splashes of period-accurate detail (like the “three white makeup” and all the Song literati cameos), it gives the entire drama an air of legitimacy and lures you into thinking that they took their research seriously. But really the period detail is just a nice, glossy coat obscuring the insidious bones of this revisionist monstrosity. And the last two episodes really peel away that coat to reveal the machinery underneath.

If I’m generous, I’ll say that the accuracy of some characterizations in this drama is highly suspect, but I suppose still debatable. Writing an Empress Cao who steadfastly and quietly loved Zhao Zhen despite his historically well-documented, decades-long suspicion of her... like, FINE, even if I think it’s illogical, sexist, bad writing, one can argue it’s fair game for creative license, given the inherently uncertain task of knowing the true feelings and motivations of people living a thousand years ago.

But then you have something like the fallout of Huirou’s marriage, Zhao Zhen’s role in that sad business, and Li Wei’s later actions, which just completely and merrily skips away from actual historical fact and leaves the most telling details of her tragic end untold. Because to depict the actual events would make Zhao Zhen and Li Wei indefensible.

Given that China is currently in the midst of an extremely concerning rise in Han nationalism, where Chinese traditional culture (everything from philosophy to art to clothing to music) is being co-opted and reframed to entrench narratives of Han superiority, it’s a problem when this Song Dynasty alternate history is presented as truth. It used to be that anything to do with Chinese traditional culture was suspect and would be in danger of destruction, especially during the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976). But now this destruction is a little bit more subtle. Instead of just straight-up smashing Song Dynasty tombs, just dismantle and reconfigurate them piece by piece to create a little shrine for the current ruling party. To tell this story about the struggles of governance from the perspective of the head of the ruling elite during one of the wealthiest times of imperial Chinese history- I just don't believe that was a decision made purely for creative license.

It’s a perfectly valid stance not to care how history is interpreted as long as it’s good entertainment. I’m certainly not one to let historical inaccuracy keep me from enjoying my period films and TV shows (to a degree, lol). But I also find my experience of historical fiction more illuminating and enjoyable when I try to parse out what’s supported by evidence and what isn’t. So I can try to understand the reasons behind a writer’s decisions for excluding stuff that’s supported and including stuff that isn’t. Because how and what elements of the past are used in popular fiction matter, and they shape our attitudes on so much more than just entertainment.

So, to end my last long-ass rant about this horrible drama that’s eaten up so much of my time and energy, I’m gonna pour one out for the historical figures who got short shrifted:

For the historical Empress Cao, who made it through Renzong’s reign without losing her throne, even though Renzong tried and failed several times to depose her. Who promoted highly Zhang Maoze soon after Renzong’s death despite the protests of Sima Guang and didn’t go down without a fight when they wanted her to retire as regent.

For the historical Consort Miao, who plotted with Consort Yu to try to bring down Li Wei and begged Renzong to execute Li Wei with poisoned wine, all to get her daughter out of the marriage.

For the historical Princess Fukang, who was finally allowed a divorce in early 1062, after attempting suicide multiple times. Who was then forced by Renzong to remarry Li Wei less than a year later. Who died at the age of 33 in a household with people who hated and abused her. The extent of that abuse was discovered by her nephew Emperor Shenzong after she died when he showed up for the funeral. He wept in front of his ministers describing the treatment she had received from Li Wei for the last seven years of her life: she had not been given adequate food, clothing, or medical care. Her body and bedding was infested with lice and she had burn scars on her face from trying to light her own coals. I think it’s important to acknowledge just how much this benevolent father of hers failed her after everything, even after she probably thought she had escaped, even if the show won’t.

#serenade of peaceful joy #held in the lonely castle #清平乐 #cdrama #chinese history #period drama #historical drama #my commentary

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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A Random Survey Inspired By My Tweets Created by Guia from scyphozoan

1) How are you doing in this time of COVID19? Do you personally know anyone who is not taking COVID19 seriously? Well, now I’m a real hermit crab because I only leave the house literally once a month for my doctor appointments. Pre-Covid I spent most of my time at home, but I got out more compared to this. It’s been a stressful and scary time to say the least. However, a lot of people have been hit hard and seriously affected by this in different ways, so much more than me, and it’s heartbreaking. And yes, I have some cousins who aren’t taking it seriously at all. They’re still going out all the time, partying with large groups of people, and just going about life as normal.

2) What do you think of TikTok? Have you jumped on it yet? Why or why not? I love TikTok. I don’t make them, but I watch a lot of it. There’s a real wholesome side to it that I really enjoy.

3) What game have you gone back to playing or missed playing because of this time of self-quarantining? There hasn’t been any.

4) How internet-savvy are your parents? Can you think of time(s) when they surprised you with what they know (i.e. memes, platforms, emoji uses, etc.)? My dad has a Facebook, he browses and shops some online (though he often asks me to do it), and I think he watches YouTube, but that’s about it. He often asks my brother and I for help with something. In fact, I handle all his online billing for him. He’s not hip with memes and whatnot. I was surprised when he mentioned TikTok once haha. As for my mom, she’s a lot better at it. She has Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. She likes to spend a lot of time watching videos on Facebook. She likes sending Snaps to her friends. She texts a lot and uses emojis and Bitmojis and all that. She’s familiar with memes and whatnot. She does her own online billing and shopping. She only asks for help with something now and then.

5) What is your favorite foreign cuisine? What is your favorite food/dish from that cuisine? Italian. I’m a pasta gal. I used to really love Mongolian BBQ, Chinese, and Mexican, but not as much anymore because a lot of what I liked was spicy and I can’t eat spicy foods anymore. :( Mongolian BBQ was my absolute favorite, but I used to load it up with spicy stuff and sauces. I still eat Mexican and Chinese, but it’s not the same. I miss adding hot sauce and hot chili oil to everything.

6) What is an electronic gadget that you’ve had for more than 5 years? Would you say it was worth your money? Do you plan on replacing it any time soon? My laptop, phone, and TV are all less than 5 years old. I do want to upgrade my phone because it’s the XR and in tech world that is considered old.

7) What TV show would you say you’ve re-watched more than two times? Are you re-watching anything now? I’ve seen all of Roseanne (its original run, not the reboot) and The Golden Girls numerous times. I started to re-watch Sister Sister recently.

8) Do you remember the moment when you started feeling alarmed by the development of the COVID19? How did your life change since? Back in March when the lockdown stuff started happening. That’s when shit got real. Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t go anywhere now except for my once a month doctor appointments.

9) What viral video/meme last made you furious or annoyed? Hm. I can’t think of one at the moment that made me furious or annoyed.

10) When was the last time you woke up feeling pumped and determined to have a great day? How did that day unfold for you? Uhhhh. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling like that to be perfectly honest. Certainly not in the last few years. I’ve just never been like a super optimistic, positive person. Well, not when it comes to myself anyway. I am for other people. I don’t know, man. I don’t wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day. It’s definitely been the worst the past few years with my severe lack of energy and motivation, but even before. I did used to have more energy and I actually had motivation once upon a time, but.. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Like, I didn’t set out to have a bad day, but I wasn’t so... gung-ho either. Now I’m just grumpy and moody.

11) Do you use e-mail a lot at work? If so, what are your biggest e-mail pet peeves? If not, what mundane task do you do on a regular basis at work and what do you dislike about it? I don’t have a job.

12) What hobby or interest of your significant other do you have ZERO interest in? What about something you actually think might be fun or something you actually picked up thanks to them? If you don’t have an SO, you can think of a relative or friend as an example instead. My dad is obsessed with sports, which I have zero interest in.

13) Do you use Uber? If so, how often do you use it or cabs in general? Have you ever had an awkward moment with a cab driver? I’ve only used Uber a few times and it was during my vacation at the start of this year. I’ve only taken a cab a few times as well.

14) If you are employed, what would you say are the best and worst parts of your company’s culture. If you don’t work, what would you say is the busiest part of your day? I don’t have a busiest part of my day, I do nothing.

15) What was the last craving you fulfilled? I had Wingstop for dinner and I got my white chocolate peppermint mocha from Starbucks as well, which I’ve had just about everyday since Starbucks released their holiday drinks. I’m obsessed.

16) Do you like stand-up comedy? Who are your favorites? When was the last time you remember discovering someone new that you actually liked? I find Kevin Hart to be funny.

17) Have you ever felt affected by the death of a celebrity or public figure? If so, who? Do you remember when you found out and what was your reaction to it? Yeah, there’s been a few. For example, Ryan Dunn’s death was crazy. I had been really into Jackass and the guys for a long time and it was just really sad.

18) What positive affirmation do you need to give yourself right now? Uhhh.

19) How often do you get headaches? What are usually the cause(s)? What are your go-to remedies for it? What was the worst headache you’ve ever had? I get tension headaches a few times a month. I used to get them more often in high school. I can’t take aspirin and stuff like Advil and Ibuprofen don’t do shit for my headaches. Tylenol definitely doesn’t, which I don’t take anyway because it has acetaminophen and the pain medication I take regularly does as well and it’s not good to take too much of that. So, the only thing I can do is a cold washcloth over my eyes and sleep.

20) What was the last purchase you regret making? What about it that made it regrettable? How about the last purchase that you found absolutely worth your buck? The face masks I recently ordered because they’re way too thin. As for worthwhile purchases, I’ve done pretty well with my Christmas shopping. I’ve found good deals. And I just love buying gifts for my family, so that makes it worth it in itself.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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script-a-world · 4 years

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Pylon Bios (An Update, with New Pylons)

Hello, lovely followers of script-a-world!

Please allow us to introduce ourselves! We haven’t had any sort of about-the-bloggers page available before, and now that we’ve added more to the team, we’re seeking to remedy that!

First of all, we call ourselves Pylons. What the heck is a pylon? Well, outside of this blog, it’s an upright structure for holding up something, usually a cable or conduit. When this blog was started more than a year ago (whoa), the group chose the word Pylon to describe ourselves collectively, as a fun little nickname. Whee!

Without further ado, meet the Pylons (and Mods)! (in alphabetical order)

Brainstormed: Hey there, call me Brainstormed, and you can find me at @thunderin-brainstorm. Any pronouns will do. I'm a student, illustrator, and world traveler. My home is in America, but I'm rarely there for more than a month at a time, so feel free to ask where in the world I happen to be! Worldbuilding has been my hobby for quite a long time and I'd love to give you some tips and tricks that I've learned, or take your idea and turn it on its head to perhaps show you a new perspective. The many projects I've developed have been lifesavers for me, as they allowed me to harness my Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder and use it as a positive tool for creativity. Aside from drawing and daydreaming, I spend a lot of time biking, hunting for cool rocks and bones, binge reading any scholarly article that catches my eye, and memorising completely useless random facts that I spout at any given moment in lieu of remembering actual important information.

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Constablewrites: My name is Brittany, and I'm a California girl living in the Midwest. I use she/her pronouns. I've always loved stories with rich and detailed worlds, whether in movies, books, games, or something else entirely. I'm the kind of writer who will spend hours researching to confirm a minor detail. Naturally, I not only write SFF, but my recent projects have all required worldbuilding on more than one axis (like multiple types of magic, or time travel on top of historical) because i am apparently something of a masochist. I'm a walking TV Tropes index and a whiz at digging up random useful knowledge, both of which come in handy as a Pylon. Other random facts: I'm a trained actress and singer, I used to work at Disneyland on the Jungle Cruise (among other attractions), and a laptop held together with duct tape is responsible for my day job in tech support. I blog about writing as @constablewrites and about random things that amuse me as @operahousebookworm.

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Delta: Hi! I’m Delta and I can be found @dreaming-in-circles or @thedeclineofapollo (writeblr), and I love sci-fi. Like, a lot lol. I work in NEPA compliance for a civil engineering firm in the USA, and have a lot of experience with infrastructure, bureaucracies, biology, and space (for unrelated reasons). I spend a lot of time haunting the astrophysics wikipedia pages, and my current all-consuming project is a novel that is angling to be about 150,000 words (at current projections). Can’t wait to hear your questions!

Ebonwing: Hi, I’m Ebonwing. I’m currently studying IT in university. I’m a writer and worldbuilder, and sometimes a worldbuilding writer or a writing worldbuilder. I gravitate towards fantasy, though I’m not going to say no to the occasional stint in scifi, and as I’m also a giant language nerd, I enjoy making conlangs for my creations. Other than that, I’m also an artist and indulge in any number of other crafting hobbies, and if I’m not doing any of those things, I can probably be found playing video games.

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Feral: Hi! I'm Feral, and you can find me @theferalcollection (if you enjoy feminism, socialism, or over-analyzed fiction) or on my writing blog theferalcollection.wordpress.com. I'm a Southern girl who likes fancy dresses, mint juleps, big hats, and using being-underestimated to my advantage. I work in the interior design industry and am currently in school for industrial design. I have previously earned degrees in comparative literature and theatre & drama. I'm a big nerd who really likes school. I've been world-building since before I knew it was a thing and writing almost as long. I’ve written mostly fantasy but the past couple projects have been science fiction. I'm ridiculously in love with the idea of being an astrophysicist but don't feel like learning calculus, so I just read about science a lot. My hobbies include martial arts, drinking too much coffee, and tabletop games.

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Lockea: Hello! I’m Lockea. You can find me all over the internet as @lockea or LockeaStone. I’m a leaf on the wind who currently enjoys the SoCal sunshine in Los Angeles where I work as an engineer and data scientist. I love street fashion (especially Lolita) and making jewelry. I have two kitties, Theodore and Cecelia, and I volunteer at the local animal shelter as a cat handler and adoption counselor. I know way too much about cat behavior, honestly, and will yap your ear off if you let me.

Worldbuilding wise, I have a deep affection for science fiction and I’ve consulted professional science fiction writers on developing technology and worlds through the explanation of science and engineering. My engineering specialization is extra-terrestrial robotics, so if it has to do with space, planetary science, or robotics -- I got you. I’m also a fan of politics and really like developing political and socio-economic systems in fantasy and sci-fi worlds.

Miri: Miri here, with my main tumblr @asylos and my writing tumblr @mirintala. I am a Canadian Pharmacy Technician by day and a small time ePublisher and gamer of many types by night. Mostly wandering around the Internet helping to organize events in the FFVII tumblr fandom (modding at @ff7central and @ffviifandomcalendar), and stumbling around within the Borderlands of Pandora. I use she/her pronouns.

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Symphony: Hey, I’m Symphony! Use whatever pronouns you feel like, any work. I’m currently living in Michigan with my fiance, and in-between jobs but I want to go to nursing school ASAP. My favorite genres in fiction are horror, sci-fi, and really anything that holds my interest. In my own worldbuilding I've always felt myself most interested in developing societies on the macro level (politics, diet, customs, stuff like that), and the more esoteric, strange parts of my world. I like to make a place feel lived in, with secrets that may never be found and people who seek them out.

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Synth: I’m @chameleonsynthesis on Tumblr, but that’s a mouthful, so just call me Synth. Any pronouns work. Born and raised in Canada, but living in Norway as of autumn 2007. Looking back, I’ve been worldbuilding since at least the age of four (in my early thirties now, so yeah), with a predominantly science-fantasy bent. I’m of the artsy creative type, with way too many projects on the go at any given time, and enjoy long walks through Wikipedia and getting caught in TV Tropes. The best thing is when I stumble across some strange factoid that can justify aspects of my many weird alien species. Stupid Synth facts: I have dual Canadian and Norwegian citizenship. My legal name contains a letter that does not exist in the English alphabet. I can curl my tongue into a cloverleaf shape, and wiggle my ears. My day job is musical instrument repair. I play French horn in a concert band, trombone in a jazz band, and don’t practice my flute or piccolo near as much as I should. Outside of band rehearsals and my job, I volunteer at the local cat shelter, work out at a gym, and attend events at my city’s newly established makerspace.

Tex: I'm Tex, and you can find me on tumblr @texasdreamer01. Most of my hobbies are centered around fandom and worldbuilding for it, though I also like cooking and reading up on fiction and non-fiction whenever I have the time. I'm currently studying biochemical engineering, with a slant in nanotechnology and its medical applications, so I need to know a bunch about the different types of sciences, as well as projecting for the development of future fields.

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Utuabzu: Hi, I’m Utuabzu, I previously was part of ScriptMyth (RIP) where I tended to take the lead on Mesopotamia and Egypt related asks. I’m most of the way through a Bachelor of Linguistics, e parlo italiano und ein bisschen Deutsch. I have a deep and enduring interest in the history of the ancient world, particularly the ancient Near East, and I’m also a bit of a nerd for politics, which is helpful when it comes to worldbuilding. My random 2am research binges have resulted in my knowing a lot of odd things. I enjoy travelling and experiencing other cultures, however as I am Australian this unfortunately requires flying, which I hate a great deal. I expect to one day be crushed beneath a pile of my books. It is a demise I am ok with.

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Wootzel: Hi, I’m Wootzel, or @wootzel-dragon! I use she/her pronouns. I’m a recent college grad trying to figure life out. My favorite thing about worldbuilding is making things as realistic or pseudo-realistic as possible, and finding a justification for everything. Sometimes, this is also my least favorite thing about myself, because it can make things very hard! But, it can also be really rewarding when I get things to work out in a way that I enjoy.

My other hobbies include reading lots of fanfic while neglecting physical books, starting ambitious sewing projects on a whim, and wondering where all my time goes on a daily basis. I have changed major a few times, and I am still unsure about what I want to do with my life, except that it’ll always have writing in it somewhere.

#pylon bios

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sedehaven · 4 years

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Saving Ophelia Grace’s Toe

Y’all seem to like my stories about being a witch in the Bible Belt, so here’s another one. This is a coming of age story about a young witch (me), a bunch of adults of various degrees of uselessness, and Ophelia Grace’s rotten toe.

This is not a happy story.

Names changed when necessary.

CW: Body squick, graphic injury, incompetent nurse, malevolent nurse, poisoning, bureaucratic nightmares, dark DARK shit ahead

So, in spite of the crushing poverty that I grew up in, I was given the opportunity to attend a very prestigious boarding school for Juniors and Seniors in Klan Kountry, LA. It’s a public school, so it takes kids from all over the state.

My school was run by a dude named Brother Dave.

Brother Dave was so awful that one of our senior pranks (I DID NOT DO THIS) involved a password-protected screensaver on every communal computer in the school (including, I think, Brother Dave’s office computer) of a bouncing, 3-D image of this:

Dude was NOT well-loved. It is important to know that he and I did not get along. When I was still a prospective student, he told us that our mascot was the mighty Eagle, because Eagles Flock Together.

Y’all. Someone watched himself too much Mighty Ducks.

I replied, loud enough for the whole auditorium to hear, “That’s not true, sir. Eaglettes push their smaller and weaker siblings out of the nest as soon as they can.”

He looked to the staff for support, red-faced and embarrassed by this ninety-pound child who stole his thunder.

The biology teacher (who left for greener pastures after my first year--rumored to have been forced out for being too fabulously dykey for the new administration) looked at him and stated, in her very particular and crisp fashion, “Well, she’s right.”

Safe to say, he hated me from the start. So, if you read this and you wonder, “Why didn’t this silly kid just go to the grown-up?” That’s why. He was our grown-up.

Brother Dave started at the school the year before I did. He was brought in by a local Senator, because said local Senator Fucked Up Colossally.

Senator Fuckup was running against Mr. Sketchy Businessman. Mr. Sketchy Businessman was backed by the Ku Klux Klan (a big deal in parts of the world, folks. My school was in David Duke country.)

Senator Fuckup had a fancy name--well-respected all around the state. Like, several statues of one of his relations decorate the state capital. Big name.

Problem is, Senator Fuckup is half-Black.

In Klan Kountry.

Y’all.

So he’s already at a disadvantage. As it turns out, it takes a village to start a magnet school. Senator Fuckup was one of the founding board members, and promised all kinds of benefits if they put the school in HIS district.

Their other offer was in my own hometown, the Hub City, where several of our major state highways cross with two Interstates.A place with art and history and culture. A place with one of the largest outdoor music festivals in the state--a multicultural, international music festival! With art walks and museums and Mardi Gras parades! With a three-story library, a library for French language and culture, and the second-largest university in Louisiana!

Senator Fuckup PROMISED that the school wouldn’t want for anything if they went to Klan Kountry.

So they did.

It was no great secret that this school was Senator Fuckup’s baby. At the time that I attended, the school was number one in the nation. Something to be proud of.

Except.

Except that in order to keep various forms of funding, the school was required to take in more melanin-blessed individuals than the locals liked.

Enter Mr. Sketchy Businessman, who ran a series of TV and radio ads claiming that our STATE funded school was stealing money from the local school district.

That’s right. He claimed that our school took money away from the poor Whites of Klan Kountry and gave to the diverse and metropolitan school for the gifted.

Senator Fuckup tried to deflect and dismiss, BUT did NOT rebut those claims. He didn’t believe that the school’s funding was THAT MUCH of an issue.

Any reasonable person would understand that the school was funded from the State taxes. Right?

As it turns out, Klan Kountry is not filled with reasonable people.

Senator Fuckup is a member of a particular subgroup in Klan Kounrty--a not-insignificant population of Catholic Creoles. So, after he wins his election--barely--he realizes that Something Must Be Done to help the image of the school that everybody knew as HIS baby.

Enter his old friend, Brother Dave. Brother Dave, who nearly bankrupted his previous school. His brother-in-law was a contractor who got a few really juicy contracts through him.

Protip: Nepotism only works if the person being nepotized is competent.

Spoiler: Brother Dave’s brother-in-law built schools about as well as Brother Dave ran them.

Brother Dave’s old school is attached to an order of monks who build cheap and simple caskets for people who are into that kind of thing.

They bake bread for the poor. These are good people.

Y’all, these people made it KNOWN--statewide--that they had a casket ready for ol’ Dave if he ever stepped foot in their town again.

Still, Senator Fuckup decided that THIS was the man who would lead my school into a glorious future.

Brother Dave took an aggressive stance on admissions. He wanted kids who didn’t have a lot of drama, and kids who looked (WHITE) good on the recruiting materials. He pulled hard from the local Catholic (Segregation) Academies.

Y’all.

Our Black kids were nearly White-passing mixed-race kids, one kid who was ACTUALLY from Africa, a couple of kids from Catholic schools, and one dark-skinned Baptist girl who is bombshell model-gorgeous. (For those glossy brochures.)

So as many White Catholic kids as possible.

Y’all.

I’ve competed with private school fuckwits in academic contests my whole life, up to that point. If it was something that required preparation (science fair, for example), they wiped the floor with us.

Because daddy the petroleum engineer did the project for them.

If it was a you-know-it-or-you-don’t thing (quiz bowl, for example), they lost so brutally that I might have felt bad for them. You know, if they had souls. Which they did not.

So Brother Dave populated our school with what he thought were “good kids”. White, Catholic kids.

Spoiler: My class started with 250 students. We graduated less than half of that, even after he backfilled our class with new kids between junior and senior year. The class after mine was worse.

Why is that?

White Catholic kids at segregation academies in the late 90′s basically did busy-work worksheet stuff all day. They were not ready for 10 page papers and 5 page lab reports and 100+ pages of reading and 20-50 math problems and projects, projects, projects!

Also, if all you do is worksheets and sit-down-and-shut-up, there has to be a certain...chemical element...to cope.

So, yeah. Drugs. So much drugs. And booze.

Brother Dave also hired Nurse Bitchy Fuckface. She was actually his first hire.

Nurse Bitchy was a walking disaster.

I was sixteen when I first met her, and because she didn’t smell like street drugs (I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT IS), I missed a lot of signs.

Looking back, I think that she might have been a Prozac-and-wine kind of person. But, as the only drugs that I was familiar with came from street pharmacists, I thought she was just evil.

Hateful to the queers, pagans, Goths, and all assorted weirdos.

You know, all the kids who could actually handle the schoolwork and the pressure. *eyeroll*

I’m allergic to Sudafed. Weird, huh?

A senior at my school told me to be careful with Nurse Bitchy. She has a sensitivity to acetaminophen (Tylenol) and couldn’t have it. Nurse Bitchy had given it to her a couple of times.

It was on my senior’s medical chart. If you’re keeping score, that’s felony attempted murder.

Nurse Bitchy gave me Sudafed seventeen times (that I remember) while I was at that school. She very nearly killed me doing it. Some times I knew, and some times I did not.

“But why did you take it, if you knew?”

Well, you innocent dove, if I refused to take the medicine that the Nurse gave me, then I got written up. Enough write-ups and I got kicked out.

My home school in the Hub City? Eh...as bad as Klan Kountry was, I didn’t have someone assaulting me daily. I didn’t have a gang of girls who got away with attempting to rape me with a broom handle. I didn’t have a very big kid who was given liberties with me (BY THE STAFF) because he was special ed.

Or, as my guidance counselor liked to say (after my father was murdered and I was flunking chemistry--not because of dad’s death, but because the chemistry teacher put all the girls and Black boys in the back of the class--which had NO air conditioning on hundred-degree days--after Brother Dave’s brother-in-law “fixed” it that summer), “Stephanie, you know that you’re the poorest student here. Do you really want to go back to THAT?”

No. I did not.

Under pain of going home to poverty, rape, assault, and maybe death, I took her poison. She watched me do it. And she smiled.

I only went to Nurse Bitchy when I was forced to. This happened far more often my Junior year. The teachers would send me because I was sick (I come from a smoker’s home, and I’m an asthmatic who is allergic to tobacco. My family never quit, so I’d end up with smoker’s pneumonia most times that I went home. Thanks for the lung scars, fam.)

Eventually, when I was a Senior, my computer science teacher realized that I was unresponsive with a fever in her class. She was new that year, and didn’t know any better. So she woke me up and sent me along. Nurse Bitchy gave me the usual and sent me back to class.

Very few humans retain the ability to projectile vomit after age seven. Did you know that?

Lucky me, I did. I still can.

I hurled all over my keyboard. I hurled and hurled. My classmates screamed and ran.

My computer science teacher, an ice-cold woman of Indian descent with a very posh English accent, unplugged the vomit-soaked, ruined keyboard. She took it and me to the nurse.

She slammed the keyboard down on her desk and screamed at her to NEVER send a sick child to her class again.

Nurse Bitchy was (shocking, I know) a racist. She feared the angry Indian lady.

My computer science teacher, I believe, spread the word about Nurse Bitchy’s ineffectiveness. Teachers stopped sending students to her.

That left a vacuum. Nobody was being forced to get medical help. But medical help was still needed.

Before going to school in Klan Kountry, I was a veterinary technician. I worked under-the-table from too young. Illegal-child-labor-too-young.

But, I knew my stuff. I had a stocked medicine cabinet and a dissection kit.

I started doing everything up to and including prison surgery in my dorm room.

I could handle most anything. Which was better than worrying that the nurse was going to poison one of my friends into the ground.

I didn’t ask for money or food or anything (food was a commodity at that school because our cafeteria was infested). I worked for the goodwill of my classmates, which is the shiniest coin in the realm.

I’d gotten into witchcraft earlier that year. People trusted the witch over the nurse. That’s where my school was.

I only had one case that I really couldn’t treat.

Y’all.

It was traditional in the girls’ dorms that unless you were asleep or studying, you kept your door open. Mine was open that night. I was writing Sailor Moon fanfiction, procrastinating on one project or another. I don’t remember, it was twenty-two years ago.

Ophelia Grace (not her real name) came to my door in Doc Martens, favoring a foot. Her roommate or a suitemate or maybe another theatre kid was holding her up as she hobbled into my room.

I hadn’t heard that she’d been hurt, but apparently she had been. She was feverish and weak. Her face was bright red. She was babbling.

“I’m sorry,” she said over and over again. She apologized for coming late. She apologized for coming at all. She was shaking.

I sat her and her friend on my roommate’s bed (we’d bunked them, and I had the top bunk). My roommate was out, in the art lab working on a particularly tricky painting. Probably for the best. He was squeamish (my ex-roommate is a transman, so I’m using his preferred pronouns.)

I grabbed a large bowl and a mug, filled both with water (salted the bowl of water), and went down the hall to the microwave.

The water in Klan Kountry was filthy. It smelled bad and tasted worse. Remember Mr. Sketchy Businessman? He wanted to relax EPA regulations for himself and his sketchy business friends.

They were actively dumping into the city reservoir. But Mr. Sketchy Businessman promised to KKKeep KKKlan KKKountry Lily, so he got 49% of the votes.

Racist douche.

I boiled the water in the microwave--first the mug, then the bowl. It was a walk I’d make several times that evening.

Ophelia had a fever, holding steady at “fucking HOT” by the estimate of her friend. My thermometer pegged it at 102. Not good.

I put a teabag and two whole cloves in the cup and let it steep while I took her temperature. I asked her what happened. I don’t remember the specifics of the injury, but I believe that something got dropped on her toe. I think it happened in the theatre.

Ophelia thought she could walk it off. I remember that.

She kept apologizing. I honeyed the tea and shoved it in her hands. The tea helped. She was shivering--hard--from the wracking chills of her fever.

I remember how her febrile shivers made the bunk beds shake.

I remember thinking that I was in over my head.

I remember grabbing my oldest towels, and closing my door.

I remember praying.

And then I took her boot off.

Y’all.

I’ve smelled rot. Some people think that all rot smells the same.

It does not.

Corpse stink has its own bouquet. Blood rot has a distinct stench. Necrotic yeast infections almost smell good--like yeast rolls and something meatier.

I’d smelled Ophelia’s particular rot before.

I was fourteen. A momma dog was brought in, heavily pregnant. She’d been delivering, and the third pup got stuck. There were 11 left. The stuck pup was dead, but we managed to save 4 behind him, plus the first 2, born healthy.

The uterus had begun to rot inside, and several of the pups had been dead for some time.

The spaying that happened after the pups were removed was green and black, with the consistency of pudding. We pulled as much out as we could, but the rest had to be rinsed out.

Thankfully, I’ve smelled that smell very few times after. It smells pungent and strong. Like garlic. Like a cream of garlic stew.

I thought I’d gotten a whiff of THAT smell when Ophelia walked in, and again when she sat down. Pulling her boot off was like the first deep cut into momma dog. Garlic and blood.

The smell of something rotting in someone still alive.

She had on two socks. I peeled off the first one. There was a stain at the toe. The second sock was worse. The smell hung around.

Our windows were screwed shut. I couldn’t do anything about the smell.

Ophelia cried into her tea. She was still apologizing.

The toe was purple and black. There was a lot of yellow pus under the nail, which was leaking out on either side. Red streaks ran up her instep, tracing her veins.

The toe was swollen and needed a lance.

I had no idea how she climbed the stairs to get to me. (I was on the third floor, and she lived below. We had no elevator.)

She started to get loud (peeling those socks off HURT), so I asked her a question. I asked about her history paper. The ten-page history paper was a rite-of-passage at the school, and I knew it was coming due for her. I told her to tell me about her topic and her sources.

She did.

Thank the Lord and Lady.

I got my dissection kit and rubbing alcohol. I made things as sterile as I could.

I told her that it would probably hurt, but that I would work quickly.

Her friend left after the first cut. She didn’t stay gone long, but I heard her vomit in our suite’s toilet.

Ophelia kept talking about her paper. I led her around on that topic, asking questions and asking for clarification. Asking about the books she’d read, and offering a few that I was familiar with on the subject.

This is why doctors and dentists know so many things about so many subjects. Talking keeps the patient calm.

Meanwhile, pus and blood dripped from the slits that I made in her flesh, onto a towel that bore the stains until I donated it to the animal shelter, years later.

I soaked her toe in the bowl of water. The salt burned, but she couldn’t scream.

There was an adult who was supposed to be watching us. If she was alerted to my low-tech medical unit, she would have stopped me and sent Ophelia to the murder nurse.

I filled another bowl, salted it, and microwaved it.

Ophelia’s friend rejoined us, and watched as I squeezed the rest of the pus out of her. Her toenail slipped off in the third bowl. The toenail was cracked. Ophelia kept it.

I wonder if she still has it?

Triple antibiotic ointment and a sterile dressing later, I told her to tell the nurse that she needed a doctor. Nurse Bitchy couldn’t keep us from a doctor if we asked for one. She said that she would.

I gave her a few oral anti-inflammatory pills and some Benadryl to get a good night’s sleep.

She left, with her boot in her hand and a soft smile on her lips. I cleaned my tools, my bowls, the floor where her foot was, and had to do a load of laundry because that one rag smelled so awful.

My roommate came back in time for headcount, and asked if I’d made ramen. Said it smelled pretty good in there.

It did. Rot can do that.

It was hard to sleep that night. I cried quietly until sleep took me.

Ophelia recovered. She became a witch some time later. In college, I think. We’re still friends, in a Facebook kind of way.

Brother Dave is still alive. After working for my school, he ended up helping the Church cover up three decades of sex abuse at a diocese school. Not sure what he’s up to, but probably nothing good. He’s a garbage human.

Nurse Bitchy just retired. She lasted twenty years at that school. God knows how.

Senator Fuckup died in a car crash and the school is being renamed after him. So are the new dorms that are being built.

Klan Kountry cleaned up their water after I left. That’s really good news.

The school continues. Apparently, it got better with Brother Dave’s leavetaking. I hope that’s true.

And me?

I’m still a witch. I’m still here.

And I can still smell that rotten toe on the edge of nightmares half-remembered.

~*~

I don’t want my diploma revoked or to be sued, so disclaimer time.

This is fiction. Any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental.

#witchcraft #prose #proseriot #kitchen witch #healing #writing #amwriting #autobiography #true story

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zoom4ads · 4 years

Text

Moving Your Goods Versus Selling and Buying

Moving your personal goods, much less your family, can be a daunting thought, but after a careful review of all your options, you will see that it needs not be a difficult ordeal, just one that requires thought and organization. Hopefully, this post will help you arrive at the thought process.

I have done a big move of personal goods only three times, and I was boxed in (no pun intended) by the same thought process each time. I have come to discover that there are many ways to consider the move to Costa Rica, and some may be much cheaper or at the very least less stressful and requiring less coordination.

The first thing I learned about moving goods to Costa Rica is to find your mover in Costa Rica and coordinate the move through him, as you want to be able to deal with someone local from this end, just in case there should be any questions or problems. How logically simple is that? But had I not been advised, I would have called a mover from Dallas, and I think it would have caused more logistical problems in the long run.

Here are some of the mistakes I made. We brought everything, and I do mean everything. We should have had multiple garage sales prior to the move because we downsized from a 3,000 sq. ft. house to a 2,300 sq. ft house, and we had acquired junk from the previous 20+ years. We knew we wanted to build and no longer wanted a dining room, as we discovered it was wasted space in our last home just to store a dining room set. But we certainly brought everything else. George Carlin has a gig on "stuff", and everyone should listen to that before coming to Costa Rica. It took a little over a year for us to actually move into our house, which meant that we paid, by the square meter, to store our goods, which is an expense we had not considered. Had I had the opportunity to do it again, I would have brought our bedroom set, living room furniture, dishes/silverware, and that's it! Yes, special art pieces and personal belongings, but about half what we brought. That would have cut our moving and storage tab in half.

You can buy American appliances here, and yes, at a higher expense, but still less than moving and storing yours from home. Personal goods are not taxed, but goods that are new are subject to taxation. Many times they are not taxed if you have one of each, but if you bring 10 new flat screen TVs, chances are you will be taxed a very large amount. If you want to have no questions about taxation, Barry will develop a flat-rate move that includes your taxation. You needn't worry about this, as his company will handle all the details and dealings with Customs and deliver your goods to his storage facility or your new house.

I would suggest you get a 3-ring binder and keep all the papers related to moving in this notebook. If you pack goods yourself, label the box with the contents of each box and keep a copy of that in your notebook. If you have professional packers, make sure you get a listing of each box's contents, and that the box is labeled with the contents that you have a copy of in your 3-ring binder. All the paperwork related to Customs should be kept here also.

The following are some tips on what you should do before and after you move to Costa Rica:

Two Months before Moving:

1. Gather your moving supplies (boxes, tape, rope, etc.). Begin packing.2. Make any necessary travel arrangements (airline, hotel, and rental car reservations).3. Call a moving company or make truck rental reservations to move your goods.4. Cover your real estate temporary & permanent needs.5. Keep your legal, medical, and insurance records in a safe and accessible place.6. Give your new address to all your mailers (family members, friends, banks, insurance companies, and other financial institutions, charge card and credit card companies, doctors, dentists, and other service providers, state and federal tax authorities, and other government agencies).7. Keep your moving receipts (many moving expenses are tax deductible).

Two Weeks before Moving:

1. Notify gas, electric, water, cable, local telephone, and trash removal services of your move, and sign up for their services at your new address.2. Notify long distance Phone Company of your move.3. Arrange help for your moving-day.4. Confirm your travel reservation.5. If needed, make arrangements to close or transfer your bank account.

Packing Tips:

1. Make sure you have the following supplies and accessories: boxes (all sizes), bubble wrap or other cushioning material, marking pens, tape measure, furniture pads or old blankets, packing tape and scissors, and money and credit cards.2. Label each box with the room in the new home to which it should be moved.3. Make an itemized list of what you're packing with a yard-sale price on each item, so you don't have to pay too many taxes when your household arrives at the Costa Rican customs. Personal household goods are exempt.4. Number the boxes, and keep a list of what is in each box.5. Mark any fragile item.6. Pack your personal items (clothes, toiletries, medicine, maps, food, and drinks) into a bag, and keep it in an easy-to-find place.7. Keep a medical kit accessible.

After Your Move:

1. Locate police, fire, and gas stations as well as hospitals near your home.2. Locate shopping areas in your new neighborhood.3. Find out which day the trash is collected and whether your new community has recycling programs.4. Seek out new service providers (banks, cleaners, doctors, dentists, and veterinarians).5. Provide your new doctor and dentist with your medical history. You may need to request your file from your previous doctor and/or dentist.6. Find out more information about schools, cable service, cultural events, community activities, and the availability of emergency calling services (such as 911) in your new neighborhood.7. Transfer your insurance policies to an agent in your new community. If necessary, make a detailed list of all your belongings, their value, and your coverage.

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foreverlogical · 5 years

Link

Former President Barack Obama said at a tech conference Wednesday that one key to his decision-making was relying on staff and surrounding himself with a diversity of viewpoints, before adding:

"The other thing that is helpful is not watching TV or reading social media."

Why it matters: Obama has largely avoided major criticisms of President Trump, but he used his comments at a conference for Splunk, a company that helps businesses make sense of their data, to draw a contrast between the two administrations.

Obama admitted during his speech that he made mistakes in hiring. "I won’t say we enforced perfectly the 'no-jerk rulem' but its a pretty good rule. I won’t say who violated that rule."

He then added: "I'm proud of the fact we didn’t have indictments. I’ve said that before but that is pretty rare in modern day." Special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation resulted in the indictments of 6 former Trump advisers.

Other highlights: Obama said there are tough calls you have to make as president, citing the decision to go after Osama Bin Laden as a 50-50 call and bailing out Chrysler as a 60-40-type decision.

To make those calls, Obama said, you need the facts without spin or sugar-coating, as well as a diversity of opinion.

Obama added that it's also important that the people who serve in the administration aren't there for fame or money: "Are folks here because they want to serve the American people?"

Obama cited healthcare as one of the key areas where Big Data can help, both to cut costs and improve outcomes.

"Almost our entire federal deficit, at least when I was president, could be accounted by what we spend on health care vs. what other industrialized countries spend" to get similar outcomes

The government, he said, has tons of data from running Medicare and Medicaid. "All that stuff is really powerful. It can be powerful for researchers, it can be powerful for policy makers."

But, he added, medical data is at the same time highly personal and individual privacy needs to be protected.

Obama said that there are "a handful of big issues that if we don’t get right we have real problems. You can anticipate what those might be. Climate change is a big problem."

"Ultimately, it is a moral decision we make that we are, as much as possible, going to mitigate this problem we’ve created."

Obama also warned about income inequality and people living in filter bubbles, a problem he said is exacerbated by social media. "That's not healthy for a democracy and it's not healthy between countries. That's how wars get started and bad things happen."

On a lighter note, Obama acknowledged he remains a Chicago Bulls fan, but admitted: "It’s been a while since we were as competitive as we would like."

As for the local team, the Golden State Warriors, Obama praised the team and its coach and said it can survive the loss of star Kevin Durant. "You’ll be fine. Steve Kerr is a great coach, and more than that he is a good man."

There may be some rebuilding needed, but he said the team has created a culture that will endure and help that process. "Their best players just care about the team and are willing to make sacrifices."

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neo-culture-mafia · 5 years

Text

NCT 2018 Reaction to Their S/O Wanting to Join Their Line of Work

(A/N This refers back to the first post I made about them and their positions within the syndicate)

LEE TAEYONG

Hunny, you are out of your damn mind if he will let anyone he loves come CLOSE to atleast grazing the tip of the ice berg of what he calls his work life. Even though he doesn’t let you get close to the work, he keeps you close to him. Once you ask, he thinks this is a joke and that you’re upset that some nights you don’t see him because of his job. In actual reality you want to join. You want to see what makes him tick and function every single day.

He’s smart and won’t let you get close though. If anything, he’ll start disappearing more so you don’t get the wrong idea and follow him to work one day. He wants you to work along side him, he wants to see your beautiful smile everyday, he wants to have your cooking everyday...but he wants your safety more. He already doesn’t get any relaxation away from home because he doesn’t know when he’ll come home and you won’t be there because you’ve been taken or you were just fed up with being lonely. His high-up position doesn’t help your position either.

“I care...I always care...that’s my problem.”

__________

MOON TAEIL

He’ll laugh in your face. He already hates being in the position he hates so adding you into the equation doesn’t even want to be thrown across his mind. If he was a prospect or even just an associate, MAYBE. However, him being first bred Under-Boss, you aren’t going to find much luck with your requests.

Along with Taeyong, he just wants to guarantee your safety. He’s taught you how to defend yourself if he wasn’t home and something were to happen. He’s also taught you were to go if you were ever in danger (it’s not headquarters though). He goes through every Godly measure possible to make sure you NEVER get wrapped up in something he shouldn’t have even dragged you into in the first place.

“Some people just care too much...it’s called love.”

____________

SEO JOHNNY

He was always worrying about you even if he didn’t want to let it show. He would only say yes because he knows he couldn’t live with himself if he came home and you weren’t there because his work got in the way. Once he said yes though, STRICT. You both would actually move into one of the dorms on the base* because he didn’t want to risk having someone hurt you on your commute. (*you called it ‘The Compound’ and he didn’t like it because it reminded him of a prison, which it wasn’t)

He loved his work...just not as much as you. You are his rock and if you were gone...so was he. He protected you with all the force and power he had within himself. You would be working an office-style job just so you wouldn’t hurt yourself on a knife or something. This is the same man that bubble-wrapped all the corners of your house because you stubbed your toe...then an hour later his gang was on TV for wire transferring all the money from the national bank.

“When strict with someone else, both rarely fails.”

_____________

NAKAMOTO YUTA

He hated to send you to Korea when he was stationed in Japan, but he felt it was safest for you. You had asked him, and he ran the idea across Taeyong. Tae was okay with the idea, but with the tensions with Yakuza being so high in Japan, he decided for the time being that you would need to train and prepare in Korea. Every day you trained with his colleagues and stayed on base going over practice missions and runs. Every weekend he would fly to Seoul and help you train.

He needed you to be prepared for whatever you were getting yourself into with Neo Culture. He believed that after training you could handle your own. He would help you get transfer papers so you could be stationed with him. He would rule with you along side him. In outsiders eyes you were just a soldier, sometimes sniper. In his eyes and the eyes of his members, you were the queen that deserved and demanded as much respect as he did.

“She is the queen that can go from royalty to gangster in .5 seconds.”

________

QIAN KUN

Even though he was on the down-low himself, it was still a no from him. He was hesitant to say no because he thought you just wanted to learn medical background, but after realizing you wanted to go farther with it...it was a flat out no. He got protection for him and his family in China and you were also under that protection plan.

He loved how you admired his work but he just couldn’t find the willingness inside his heart to put you at risk for anything. He understood where you were coming from and decided that he would always keep you informed on everything because that’s all you really wanted. You just wanted to be there.

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

(IT IS SO HARD FINDING TOUGH LOOKING PICTURES OF KUN!!! HE’S SUCH A LIL’ BEAN!)

_________________

KIM DOYOUNG

His sass and diva-ness would come out. He would make it seem as if you weren’t cut out for this, that you would never get anywhere, that you would be nothing in the group. But he knew he was lying to not only you but himself. He would get carried away with his words and once he saw your eyes fill with tears, he would get upset and regretful. You were a tough cookie and a force to be reckoned with and he knew that, but his words resorted you to a mess of small whimpers and a few stray tears.

He along with the other boys just wanted to protect you the most he could. All he could do once he apologized for his words with hugs and more sweet words, was try to make you understand where he was coming from. You also explained that you looked up to him and you just wanted to be closer to him and learn the things that he does. He teaches you some stuff eventually, some at home, and a couple of times at the base.

“When you love someone, you protect them from the pain you’re not supposed to cause.”

_____________

TEN

You actually worked alongside him from the beginning. You both trained together since you were little. You were each other's ride or die before ‘die’ was even put into the equation. He loved working along side you so when he couldn’t demonstrate something, you were there with flexibility. Plus he loved how you were the only woman trainer and he was the only one who could come close to touching you.

When he was first sworn in, he took videos of you to show Taeyong. Taeyong didn’t even have to think twice. The only thing is that if you slipped up, Ten would get the brute force of it all. You were both carefree and fun in your lives though so you both understood eachother well.

“If you hurt my queen, I can make your death look like an accident.”

_________________

JUNG JAEHYUN

He actually considered it for a couple days. Then he was called into work for an interrogation. He didn’t mind it, and thought nothing of it...just doing his job. Once he walked in and saw the man sitting there, he sighed. He ‘tsked’ as he came closer. “I know about you.” Jaehyun said as he set his box full of instruments down on the small metal table next to his chair. He actually knew nothing about this man, just routine. The man just rolled his eyes. “Yeah...sure.” He said and spit at Jaehyun’s feet. Jaehyun turned his chair around and sat down backwards. “Tell me my man...I already know what you did...you already know what’s gonna happen...just spit it out al-” “How’s y/n doing?” The man asked and Jaehyun sat there, emotionless...cold with the look of merciless murder stuck in his eyes. “Still kissing the sam-” Jaehyun didn’t let the man finish before a bullet was placed in his skull. He chuckled as he set his gun down back on his hip. He shook his head, resting it on top of his arms.

He knew he was lying. You and Jae have known eachother since diapers. You wouldn’t do something like that, he wouldn’t even have to think twice about it. Now he realized that you were known by others, and he needed to take more drastic measures. Once he got home, he took you, essentials, and money and ran back to base. You understood and stayed hidden. You didn’t work, and you stayed put - regretting even asking to get involved.

“It doesn’t matter what is infront of her...because I’m right there behind her.”

_____________

DONG SICHENG (WINWIN)

He’s already lost most of his family so he says yes...TO OFFICE WORK. He only says yes so he can keep an eye on you at all times. When I mean all times I mean ALL TIMES. Your desk is right by his...filing cabinet, next to his...coat hanger, next to his...wanna take a nap? Pull out couch next to his desk...Wanna eat lunch? He owns the restaurant you’ll BOTH be dining at.

He blames himself for what happened with his own family so he takes ALL precaution on keeping you by his side forever. You are more than willing to stay by him and stand with his ‘ridiculous’ rules. You understand that he can’t lose you so you have no problem in constantly reassuring him with your cooperation that you are not going anywhere.

“I’m afraid to lose you, for I will lose myself.”

____________ KIM JUNGWOO

He would be okay with having you shoot his sniper a couple times. Well he would kind of let you pull the trigger. You would lay super close to him and he would have the finger on the trigger. Your hand would be atop of his, ready to push your finger to get him to shoot. He had calibrated his gun so that only a certain amount of pressure would shoot it off. You being a smaller individual and not worked on your strength still needed help. You would press down on his trigger finger and would take it as the sign to shoot. On ground projects were a no-no for you. You were his and him being a manipulator would mean you would be following his actions.

You were his and even though he was nice and soft looking along with being pretty good at sharing...he was not okay with sharing you. He understood that you had the guts and understanding of what he did, but he couldn’t bring himself to just let you go and run to do work.

“I’m not jealous, but when something is mine...it’s mine.”

____________

WONG YUKHEI (LUCAS)

He doesn’t even want you to work an office job. You understood what he does and how he is used to get information out of people. You believe you could do the same using the same methods. He doesn’t deny you could get ALOT of people do give up ALOT of information with your body, but he just doesn’t think it’s for the best. He sees the nasty and cruelness of it all and while he’s usually on the superior end of the mix, you would most likely be on the opposite side. It’s very easy to take over you especially when your smaller and a little weak.

He’s afraid that you’ll see him on the job and get the wrong idea. He only has intentions and eyes for you, but to see those eyes trained on someone else can send you into a spiral of jealousy. He’s the same way though so for right now atleast, you will have to wait.

“It’s not the love that changes, but the mask he puts on everyday.”

____________

LEE MARK

He took it as a joke for weeks. You pestered him about it until one day he snaps. “NO, NO, NO. Just stop! You’re doing it to make me angry and it’s working. Are you happy? You wouldn’t be doing anything useful. You would sit your ass down and wait! For what? NOTHING! Just listen to me the first time, y/n!” He backed you into the corner, spitting his harsh words like knives. You knew he wouldn’t touch you or hurt you, he was doing it to make sure he had the upper hand. He was expecting you to sit back, bite your tongue, and apologize with tears in your eyes...but it took a turn. “No. You listen to me the first time, Mark!” You said and pushed his chest back. He had his gaze cold on the exterior but on the inside he was shocked...and impressed. “Stop shutting people out and putting everyone’s safety before yours. Let me do this, let me prove myself, let me be with you.” You said as you pushed him more. He just heard you out silently. “I’m tired of staying up all night waiting for a fucking call saying you were hurt and you’re not coming home. I’m tired of being separated on lock downs and not being able to see you everyday. I’m tir-”

He wouldn’t waste time once he pieced everything together, You were hurt and you needed help. You needed him. He finally understood fully and once he did he moved both of you together, He was still new at the whole relationship thing, but he wanted this one to last. He knew it had too and he was ready to do anything to see you happy and safe.

“I’m not jealous, I’m territorial. Jealous is wanting something that isn’t yours. Territorial is protecting the one thing that is already yours.”

(I GOT CARRIED AWAY OMG I’M SO SORRY)

_______________

HUANG RENJUN

You both have anger issues so when you brought up how you wanted to join he was angry that he wasn’t censoring his life from you. Then you got angry at him being angry for no reason. He doesn’t want you wrapped up in all of this because you have a chance at a normal life. He feels as if he had hit a dead-end and this is all he has left. He doesn’t want this for you.

He will distance himself from you and try to break things off softly. Yet when you showed up at the Junior Forces Dorm with an upset expression and a broken heart in the middle of the night, he realized how delicately you were built. Maybe it was the hallucination serum Jeno gave him to distract his sense of loss, or how you were drenched in rain as you stood there in his sweatshirt but he realized he needed you more than he needed this life. He lets you come around, but is very blunt with other people about the reasons why.

“I would break my own heart to protect yours.”

_____________

LEE JENO

He thought he was under another hallucination when you asked him to take you back to base to train with him and his friends. You thought it was cool what he did so you wanted to learn from him. He laughs it off and suggests cuddling instead. You were dissapointed as you agreed but he was silently going crazy over the conversation.

He was worrying that you would go against him and get yourself in trouble with getting mixed up with the wrong people. He wanted what was best for you and he understood that it wasn’t easy just sitting on the sidelines and watch him do dangerous yet enticing work, but it’s what was safest.

“I decline to accept your invitation to your ideal life of badassery and dangerous agendas.”

____________ LEE DONGHYUCK (HAECHAN)

He was super cool with letting you sit back and watch and possibly join him on hits and missions. Especially because it was more believable for a young couple to get ice cream and sit outside rather than a random boy in a school uniform sitting there making awkward eye contact with his subject while he licks his ice cream cone. He had a habit on forgetting to look natural, so when your giggles pulled him back to reality he remembers he was supposed to be acting like a regular teenager on a date.

He was really good at listening to 2 conversations at once so he talks to you about your day while he figures out where the bomb is hiding. He loves going on those little ‘work’ dates but once he’s forced to go into higher up parties, he makes sure to leave you behind with a good hug and a promise to be back before you fall asleep.

“Putting on a brave face for the ones you love the most is most ideal when you’re supposed to be two different people.”

______________

NA JAEMIN

He held you close to him after you had gotten out of school. You were a broken individual that keeps getting the piss beat out of them on the daily. He didn’t find it fair but because of where he was within the ranks, he couldn’t go and beat the shit out of the people that was doing this to you. His hands were tied as he watch you fall apart. You suddenly sat up and proposed the idea that you join and he could teach you how to work with explosives and fire so you could get revenge and stand up for yourself. “I’m sorry, bunny.” He wiped you tears away quickly, hating to shoot your idea down. “I don’t think it works like that.” He said and he watched as your eyes grew more wet and your head disappeared into his shoulder again.

He wanted you to join, but it would have to come when you were a little older. You needed to finish school and then he wouldn’t have a problem teaching how to take out your aggression using flames and such. But for now, you and him needed to wait. Right now he just needed to hold you and make you feel wanted.

“Be patient. Everything is coming together.”

_______________

ZHONG CHENLE

Made a deal with you. If you could get out of the hardest escape room in the city in less time than he did, then he would introduce you to the guys. You went...and you were 2 seconds...over time...I know, it’s depressing. He still thought it was worthy enough. He introduced you to everyone and you all clicked very mutually.

He is okay with you sitting beside him and figuring out the fastest and safest ways out...just as long as you’re not the one who has to get out. He is protective for the right reasons but still give you room to breathe.

“Our skills are the keys that set us free.”

____________________

PARK JISUNG

He tried to hide the practice that he did from you. You knew mafia related, and you knew what he did. He thought you would leave him like his family did once you found out. But from the text messages and the computer file marked ‘ANTI-DOCTOR REMEDIES’ you did some research and concluded what he did. You didn’t despise him, it was his job. You wanted to work along side him for a while.

The first time you accompanied Jisung to an enemy case...you got 5 steps in the door and ran out. You let him do what he needed and after he got cleaned up, he came back and wouldn’t let you go until you told him you were okay. He knew you wouldn’t last 30 seconds but he just wanted to see your flustered reaction to be completely honest. He was impressed that you got the nerve to even follow him down the hallway to the ‘appointment.’ He would share it with you, but leave out the gruesome imagery.

“Reversal is such a mind relaxer.”

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michael-radi-the-glamorous-life · 5 years

Text

Love The Art, Hate The Artist?

Society - particularly American society - loves to demonize or to “other” art and artists.

We deride people who create:

“Oh, you’re an artist? You’re one of those.”

“Oh, you’re a writer? I wish I could sit at home all day.”

“Oh, you’re an actor? You must love starving.”

These are of course specific examples using common ideas and tropes, but these kinds of reactions are common and probably sound familiar to you.

We tell people who want to go into the arts:

“Why would you to throw your life away?”

“But you have so much potential!”

“But there’s no money in the arts!”

Being a creator is clearly seen as being *less than,* but why? Less than what? Why would we consider becoming an artist or writer or performer or designer a path that is throwing your life away or not using your skills and talents?

Well, Capitalism.

But this type of thinking and behavior not only can be unlearned, but it needs to be unlearned. Art and the products of creation are everywhere, but we’ve been conditioned to have a blind spot for most of it, and what we do see we are told to feel contempt for. Let’s just see how pervasive art is, shall we?

Visual

Let’s begin with the category that most people think of as “art.”

When you say “Visual Art,” the first thing people think of is the type of painting or photography that one might hang on the wall in a home or a place of business. Or perhaps they picture “stodgy old art” that isn’t their taste, like what hangs in museums.

Okay, then let’s start here. Why was this art created? Was it to fulfill the whimsical desires of the artist? Was it an experiment? Or an off-the-cuff creation?

Likely not.

Visual art is meant to have purpose - it’s functional. What is that function? To provide a pleasing visual aesthetic for the person purchasing the art. It’s possible the art was even commissioned originally, meaning that its sole purpose in existing is to be seen and provide visual pleasure for someone. Is this not a worthy function?

And we - as capitalist consumers - hang art everywhere. We buy photographs and prints, paintings and drawings, we frame puzzles, we order canvases, we find indie art shops, we (for better or worse) purchase “Ikea art” - and all for the purpose of enriching the visual elements of our lives.

We adore this art - so why would we deride the people who created what we love?

And Visual Art is not just the things I’ve mentioned above. It’s a gigantic category covering things that we see around us everywhere, all day every day. Here are just a few examples:

Advertisements - Posters, online ads, business cards, etc.

Logos - For businesses, for individuals, for podcasts, for the app on your phone, etc.

Cards/Invitations/Mailings - Wedding invites, birthday cards, charity solicitation mailings, theater season announcements, etc.

Design - Book covers, the shape of a Febreeze bottle, the pattern on your tissue box, etc.

Theatrical - Set, lighting, costumes, direction, performance, etc.

I could go on and on. Everywhere you look is something that some has put time, thought, and design into. That is art. And we use this art. So why deride the artist?

Auditory

First thing people think of? Songwriters.

Not composers, of course, but songwriters. People whose music we hear on the radio. People who create sound and music for the purpose of money and fame. People we worship, people we hate, people who are publicly visible, people who acquire awards, people who fill our ears through radio and streaming and headphones and coffee shop speakers.

Do some of these people make money? Yes - though not nearly as many of them as you think.

Do we love these musicians and often make idols out of them? Yes - some of them at least.

“So that’s not derision, this a a category where we celebrate art!”

But all Auditory Art? And all artists?

You may know the singer-songwriter of that song you love, but do you know the name of the person or company that produced it? How about the sound engineer? The person who mixed it? Or who edited it? Or who created the underlying beat track for the radio version?

There are far more creators on any one radio song than we ever think about.

And where else is sound created other than for the radio?

Theatre

Film

Dance

Lobby/Reception Areas

Elevators

Public Spaces

Websites

Video Games

And what about other types of sound design?

Whether or not you think about it, the lack of sound (or even silence) in a space has been purposefully created for you. Someone said “I don’t want there to be too much sound in this space” and a creator made that happen.

There are also publicly available sounds, tracks, and effects that have been created for users of programs and apps like Musical Notation Software, Recording Software, Sleep Therapy Software, etc.

Someone made everything you hear that isn’t a natural sound. And we use these sounds to create an atmosphere - a pleasing environment.

We love Auditory Art. So shouldn’t we love the artists?

Functional

People come to New York City and buy pictures and renderings of the skyline.

Why?

‘Cause it’s beautiful. It’s been designed to be beautiful.

Functional Art is a broad category that covers the pleasing artistic aesthetic of things that also serve a functional purpose in our lives - well, other than the function of being artistically pleasing.

Here’s a smattering of what could fit in this category, just from an architectural and mechanical point of view:

Building Design

Interior Design - This goes for office space, retail space, and residential space.

Bridges

Roadways

Vehicles

Airplanes

Boats/Ships

Piers

Island Barriers

Canals

Farmland

Large Machinery

Everything has been designed, whether or not you’ve noticed.

And plenty of other types of everyday objects are also included in this category:

Clothing - I’d say this is a pretty big one, especially considering diversity and range.

Furniture

Household Objects

Kitchen Gadgets

Perfumes

Scent Products - Candles, plug-ins, incense, etc.

Small Machinery - Printers, copiers, etc.

Sometimes people argue that - for things such as scent - it is scientists who find these elements and put them together to create pleasing aromas. Or engineers who created the machinery that makes the engine of a car work properly.

Yes. And we wouldn’t dare label these creators as “artists,” would we? The products are far too functional to be given that lowly title, right?

We love Functional Art. We use it. We need it. So we should love the artists as well.

Technological

We rely on technology all day every day. We carry small computers in our pockets. We use larger computers for work and for pleasure.

And someone created that. Both the insides and the outsides.

Technology is something that was created for the purpose of being functional, but that the public also demands to be constantly aesthetically pleasing. And everything that has to do with technology was imagined and created by people.

Another list:

Phones

Computers

Tablets

Hardware

Software

Apps

Programs

Cameras

Film

Coding

Websites

CGI

Electronic Instruments

Medical Equipment

Electricity Reliant Objects

Lighting -Of all varieties.

And a billion other things. And if you notice, much of this crosses over with Functional Art. These days it’s very difficult to create something useful that doesn’t rely on technology in one way or another.

The people who created all of this are artists. Why deride them?

Experiential

Now, more than most times, humans are all about experiences.

We search out activities, places, and recreations that will provide us with pleasant environments and experiences worth remembering or revisiting.

And…you guessed it…artists created it all. Top to bottom, left to right, forward to back, and in a thousand other ways we didn’t even know existed.

Some of these include:

Movies

TV Shows

Theme Parks - Disney anyone?

Theatre

Concerts

Dance

News Articles/Papers/Programs

Books

Sport Stadium Interiors - You can go to a Mets game just for the experiences at CitiField!

Gardens

Parks

Bowling Alleys

Rock Climbing Walls

Dining Spaces

Food

Alcohol

Travel Excursions

Anything that you go to, or bring to yourself, in order to engage in an experience can be considered Experiential Art.

We fill our lives with this stuff. We discuss it all regularly. We create cultural norms and build conversations around this art. We argue about episodes. We share our favorite meals.

It’s all art. So why deride the artists?

It’s Everywhere

Art is not a high concept that can be boxed into a corner. Art is not created in a vacuum. Art is not purely aesthetic. Art is not something only the wealthy experience.

Art has function. Art has meaning. Art enriches lives. Art allows us to live. Art helps us survive.

Art is all around us and we use it every day. And we love it - we don’t put it down or tell it to go away. We don’t call the art around us a waste or time, or life, or potential.

So why deride the artist?

#glamorous life blog #glamorous life #art #artist #love #hate #deride #derision #create #creation #visual #auditory #functional #technological #experiential #experience #music #technology #aesthetic

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kristallioness · 5 years

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December Recap

(+ A typical Estonian Christmas dinner table!)

Merry Christmas, dear followers! I hope you've all enjoyed the holidays, cause I sure have and I'm gonna summarize my entire December month right here (since I've been rather quiet these past few weeks, but that's only because I was so busy doing all of these wonderful things).

First and foremost, I wanna introduce you to some Estonian food that's usually eaten during Christmas (yes, it's okay to reblog this post cause the personal stuff will be under the cut). I took a few photos of all of these delicious meals and am gonna describe what they are exactly. Here is my family's dinner table in its full glory:

So, where do I start?.. The 3 bigger pots on the left contain boiled potatoes, small sausages ('sardellid' in Estonian) and sauerkraut (a type of cabbage, the English name of this food should have a German origin). These combine into one dish and they're eaten together, like this:

The 4th, bigger glass plate on the right contains blood sausages, which is the second typical dish (the kind that we buy come with slices of bacon). They're usually eaten together with lingonberry jam or pumpkin slices (my dad prefers to add some mustard), BUT.. ever since I was a little girl, I've had this quirk of adding ketchup to any kind of meat to make it tastier. So, when I began eating blood sausages, I obviously chose ketchup on the side:

Besides that, Estonians LOVE black bread (note the bag in the background), which is made of rye and completely different from any other kind of bread everywhere. This is where a really good joke about my people comes from: whenever Estonians travel to another country, they can't find their "usual" bread in any grocery store (it's all white!) and it's one of the things they'll miss the most while being away from their homeland:

Now (coming to the foreground), I am in NO way trying to advocate drinking (since I'm a teetotaller myself), but for those of you who are interested in trying a unique brand of alcohol from Estonia, then you should definitely buy a bottle of "Vana Tallinn" ("Old Tallinn").

Since both Estonia and Latvia celebrated their centennials this year, I watched a documentary about the latter's history in November (Latvia's Independence Day is on the 18th). They mentioned the "Riia palsam" ("Riga Balsam") there, which reminded me that I've never tasted our very own "Old Tallinn" before, so I wanted to give it a shot.

It's a liqueur and this was my first time drinking it - I didn't like it (exactly like all the other times when I've taken sips from different kinds of alcohol, I don't think I've tasted wine yet though..). The smell reminded me of that disinfecting liquid that doctors would use to clean wounds. I preferred that box of non-alcoholic glogg on the right more than "Old Tallinn", ha-ha!

I think that's about it for what I wanted to say about our food, now onto more personal stuff. I didn't mention any desserts (since there isn't anything unique), but in our family, we like to buy premade gingerbread cookies from the store (not enough time to bake any of our own) and decorate them with colourful frosting (it's still fun!).

You can guess which ones are made by me or my mom (hint: all of the ones in the first photo + I wrote the characters' names from both Avatar series and Voltron + drew some pretty winter-related items/patterns + the little map of Europe and Estonia in the bottom right corner of the last photo):

Besides that, I like to buy an advent calendar filled with little chocolates for the first 25 days of December. Just like last year, I bought a "PAW Patrol"-themed one this year. And on a trip to our capital Tallinn, I finally managed to buy the third pup plush I was missing - Marshall! (I already bought Chase and Skye back in May.)

Speaking of that trip to Tallinn, then I went there together with my dad since we'd bought tickets for the big finale of the 7th (golden) season of "Su nägu kõlab tuttavalt" (which might've been the last, but nobody knows for sure, not until next autumn).

It's a show (the finale was live on TV) where 4 men and 4 women (who are our own local, famous actors/singers) parody or try to mimic an artist/band and one of their songs as well as they can (and they work really hard on tweaking their performances to look amazing + the team behind the cameras and in the make-up/dress room, the back-up dancers and mentors Maiken and Villiko contribute just as much).

There are 8 pre-recorded shows shown each weekend on Sunday, which lead up to the big finale. In each of these shows, the 4 judges give the participants points for their performances, based on how well/accurately they did. The one who receives the most points wins that night and gets to donate 1,000 € for charity (they pick an organization that they'd like to help).

The 4 participants with the highest scores by the end of those 8 pre-recorded shows will be the finalists in the finale (the other 4 will perform, too), where only the audience can vote for them via telephone. Ultimately, their votes will choose the winner of the season, who gets to donate 10,000 € for charity.

This year, the winner was Saara Kadak (on the left, with the show's host, Märt Avandi, on the right). She mimicked ABBA's "The Winner Takes It All" (my mom's favourite band) and did it ever so beautifully (in my opinion, she deserved to win)!

A day after the finale, a lottery-type of competition was held on Facebook. I entered and, for the first time ever in my life, I actually won something! A poster of Saara Kadak (with her golden signature on it) and the cheerleaders of TalTech (my old university, previously known as TUT or TTÜ in Estonian), where she was dressed up as Toni Basil and together they parodied the song "Hey Mickey" in one of the pre-recorded shows (it was awesome!):

Since we're still on the topic of concerts, then I'd like to mention that I also went to a special Christmas concert (which was part of a bigger tour) at our local church, where Koit Toome and Valter Soosalu sang some lovely holiday-themed songs. I enjoyed it very much, exactly like last year when I went to Elina Born and Stig Rästa's concert. (I think this is going to be a new tradition for me, to go to at least 1 Christmas concert before the holidays.)

After that concert, me and my dad drove to a small town called Väätsa to go have a look at their cultural center. That little place has become famous for organizing weird (but in a good way), yet fun events. This winter, the locals had decorated all the windows of the building with pretty installations/decorations, some of which moved around thanks to their mechanisms/reacted when someone walked by (such as these two coffee mugs, where the coffee started to pour down from top to bottom when my dad passed the window):

On our trip to Tallinn (the same day I bought Marshall and we went to the finale of SNKT), my dad and I wanted to visit the annual Christmas market in the Old Town (it's up from the middle of November until the beginning of January). Did you know that it was chosen as the best one in Europe this year? If you happen to visit Estonia next year, why not pop by and have a look for yourself (that's the old Town Hall in the background):

Finally, here's a glimpse of our Christmas tree and the presents I received this year (I checked this Monday and my preordered copy of "Imbalance: Part One" was shipped on the 18th and it should arrive at the beginning of 2019, yay!):

Most importantly, seeing just how much truth has suddenly become public about how weak our healthcare system is when it comes to people with rare diseases/who need their medications financed by the health insurance fund (and how stingy the council can be when making these decisions) and how our own country charges 9% off from all donations made to the Cancer Treatment Fund, I decided to help out by donating 15 € to 3 different charity shows this year:

Donated 5€ to "Jõulutunnel", which raised money to donate to the Children's Fund of the Clinic of Tartu University for helping kids with rare diseases this year.

Donated 5 € to "Jõulusoojus", which raised money so they could buy the physically-impaired children a robot that'd help them learn how to walk (again).

Donated 5€ to "Inglite aeg", which raised money to help specific people who sent them their stories, people who usually don't have enough money to pay for an expensive treatment or cure and can't live a normal life or who are suffering in a different way (such as losing their home to a fire).

*wipes beads of sweat off her forehead* Phew! Writing this post took me like.. 2+ hours! Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed reading about how December went by for me. Thanks for sticking around!

#personal #shards of Kristal

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allonsysilvertongue · 6 years

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Golden Circle

Three times Tony spent time with May and Peter, and the one time he couldn't. Part II

Hello again, I'm back with a new 3 +1, I hope you're not bored of it yet!

Tony grabbed the marker lying on the table, moving closer to the bed where Peter was. He pushed the blanket away, revealing the bright red cast underneath it. Without a word, he signed on it.

“There – just bumped up your cool factor by about a hundred,” he declared, capping the black marker before tossing it aside.

Peter grinned, craning his neck to take a better look.

“That’ll shut Flash up,” he told his aunt sitting on his right. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“No problem. Back to what we were talking about before the doctor interrupted us… So, you’re telling me that there’s a whole discourse out there about Star Trek and Star Wars.”

“Yep,” Peter nodded.

“Why can’t they just like both?” May frowned, confused.

Tony was quick to jump onboard, agreeing with May on it, “Exactly. Explain it to me, kid.”

Peter shifted on the bed, adjusting his casted leg carefully. He fielded off question of ‘are you in pain? Do you need painkillers?’ from May away.

“I – I don’t really know, Mr. Stark. I haven’t actually seen Star Trek, you know? Like, I’ve only seen an episode here and there when it’s on reruns on TV but I’ve never really follow up on it the way I do with Clone Wars. I guess it’s – it’s like Stark Industries with Oscorp Industries? It’s sort of same but also different…. It just doesn’t mix?”

Tony blinked, a little offended that Peter even thought to think that his company was in any way similar to Oscorp but put it that way, he was starting to see the whole Star Wars versus Star Trek in a different light. Personally, he had seen both and they were both alright.

“Alright, alright, I see where you’re coming from. Still, you made the deduction that Star Wars is in some way superior without ever having watched Star Trek saved for that one or two episodes you caught,” Tony stared down at him. “Here I thought you watched a lot more shows and movies.”

“Hey, that’s not cool. Star Trek was during your time. You must have had the time to watch them growing up. For me, I have to actually play catch up, you know, and there’s just like so many other stuffs to watch.”

May stood up, wandering away from the arm chair she had claimed as her own to talk to one of the nurses. Tony caught wind of ‘incessant pop culture argument’ and he whipped his head in her direction, unable to believe that she was telling on them to the nurse; a nurse of his pay roll.

“And like, I mean, with Ned it’s always just – just Star Wars. We never really got the chance to watch any Star Trek. I – I know there was like a movie that came out in 2009 with Chris Pine, wasn’t it? Uncle Ben was – um – supposed to bring us to the theatre to watch it but he had to take on some work or something and it sort of just never happen?”

Out of all the things that came out from the kid’s mouth, he was most surprised by the mention of his uncle. Peter hardly ever talked about him.

Tony offered him a soft smile.

“I’ve never caught the movies myself, only the television series with Leonard Nimoy. So tell you what, kid, let’s watch that movie right here, right now. We’ve got time and you’re not going anywhere – not with that leg.”

“It’ll heal in a few days,” Peter shrugged.

“Exactly, you heal so fast the doctors might even remove the screws instead of waiting for months. We gotta keep you occupied before you get bored and hop around on that leg when you’re not supposed to.”

“Alright, Mr. Stark,” he acquiesced. “Let’s watch Star Trek.”

“Good boy,” he ruffled the kid’s hair much to his chagrin. “You can’t make conclusions until you have all the data in front of you. F.R.I.D.A.Y, put on Star Trek.”

Coming back to her seat, May was shaking her head. “I can see why you two get along quite well.”

Tony spared her a glance, trying to gauge if that was meant to be taken as a compliment or if it was sarcasm. He was still a tad wary of her. The dressing down and harsh reprimand he got from her four months ago after she found out he had given Peter the suit was still rather fresh on his mind.

He didn’t hold it against her, naturally. Peter was her kid and if his kid was running around with enhanced powers that he had kept hidden for nearly a year, dressed in a multi-million dollar suit to play vigilante in their neighbourhood, he would have probably reacted the way she did or worse.

To her credit, she was coming around. She did acknowledge that even without Tony Stark in the picture, Peter inadvertently would still have been roaming around Queens as Spider-Man. This way, at least, she knew that someone else has got Peter’s back, someone that understood what he was up to.

“Let me guess… Spock’s your favourite character,” Peter commented half an hour into the movie. “Am I right, Mr. Stark?”

“Obviously.”

“I do like him too,” May added, completely focused on the movie. “He is quite poised and blunt. Although, I must say, Cadet Kirk does have the looks…”

“May, don’t make comments like that,” Peter scrunched his face, trying to reach forward towards the tray.

Seeing him struggle, Tony pushed the chocolate pudding the kid was clearly going for into his hand. He checked his watch, noting that it would be another hour before the nurses would pop by to check on Peter for the night. Tony had no obligation to sit with the kid and his aunt here in the Compound’s med bay but truth be told, he was enjoying this companionship.

Ever since the Avengers fell out, it had been a little quieter with only Rhodey and Vision around the private living quarters. Whenever Peter came around for suit upgrades, it was like a breath of fresh air. He lifted the spirit and aura in the Compound, not that Tony had ever told him that.

Tony had other things to do, sure. He needed to upgrade the exo-skeleton for Rhodes. In fact, he was putting in the hours for the nano technology he was developing when F.R.I.D.A.Y had alerted him to the distress signal Karen had put up from Peter’s suit. Somehow, the kid had managed to trap his leg in a small gutter behind an abandoned warehouse and had broken his tibia in three different places and fractured his fibula. Tony had extracted the kid, flew him to the med bay before sending Happy to retrieve his aunt.

Post-surgery with screws holding his bones together, Peter was confined to the bed as they waited for his enhanced healing to speed up the process. The medical team, thoroughly briefed on Peter’s condition, was expecting him to heal within weeks what would have otherwise taken months. Tony made sure to visit him each day. He was usually never on the same ‘shift’ as his aunt until today but as it was proving out to be, spending the time with May and Peter Parker together wasn’t all that bad.

“That was quite good,” Tony remarked once the credits rolled.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, Mr. Stark! Maybe we’ll watch the sequel tomorrow?”

“Sure. How ‘bout that, May?”

“I’ve got the afternoon shift tomorrow. I’ll only come by at night so you boys have fun.”

“Aw, no, we can wait for you May. We can, can’t we, Mr. Stark? We started the movie together so we should see it through together.”

“Guess the kid has a point,” Tony shrugged.

“Well, since you managed to get him to a hospital and get medical treatment by a doctor, which I never could, I guess I can do this one little thing.”

Tony frowned. “What’s up? You don’t like doctors?”

Peter fidgeted, casting his gaze away before dragging it back to the adults in the room.

“N – Not since the spider bite, Mr. Stark. I – I was just afraid that they might … find something different with me and I wouldn’t – I can’t explain it to them.”

Tony and May exchanged a look.

“This is one of my many struggles with our spider kid,” May laughed quietly, squeezing Peter’s shoulder.

“Alright, okay,” Tony exhaled, trying to calm his racing heart. He had never considered that the kid would have nowhere to go when he fell sick. “You’ve got this place. Right here, alright? May, I don’t want you to worry about getting him medical treatment if he even so much as got the flu. You call me and I’ll get him to the med bay. These doctors … They’ve got his records now and they were onboard when the Avengers were still around so they know, alright? They know what’s at stake… They know what they are dealing with.”

“Thank you, Tony,” May nodded gratefully and she looked as if a weight had just been lifted from her shoulder.

He swore this kid was going to be the death of them.

This was based on THIS tumblr post I made yesterday.

#irondad #iron dad #spiderson #tony stark #peter parker #marvel fics

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feralgoing · 4 years

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death as my guide

Death studies

I have been reading books on books about death. Death from the perspective of the dying, death from the vantage point of medical professions, death from philosophers, death from people who have lost someone. It’s weird to say, but I love death stuff. Not because I am morbid and have a weird fascination with the idea of being dead (frankly that scares the bejeezus out of me and sends my head into terrifying loops trying to conceptualize it), but because outside of being born, dying/being dead is the only thing I will share with all humans/living things on earth (except maybe tardigrades, and I’m still not convinced they aren’t aliens).

It’s a strange place to be in, being a student of death. I began by systemically reading the most respected books on the subject, am currently looking for a hospice place to volunteer at, and I begin my formal death doula study work in January. In other words, I have jumped down the rabbit hole and am going full speed into embracing the world of mortality.

My shift into this new paradigm of living probably has heavy roots from a topic I mentioned in a previous post. If one lives in a culture obsessed with youth and our early years (think of all the adages we use: “age before beauty” “you are young, live a little”, etc) having a condition such as eczema/TSW/gene mutation that causes you to have “aged” and sensitive skin to the extent that it alters how you live day to day… eventually you are bound to reflect on the life you are living. The serendipity of ending such a reflection ending up on death’s doorstep is when you look around, you realize everyone will eventually join you. When someone loses a loved one, they are faced with their mortality. When someone grows up able-bodied and becomes disabled, they reflect anew on their mortality. When one grows up in a society that values/develops around intrinsic factors that deviate from one’s own, the forced recognition of not being/having the “in” qualities caused mortal reflections. In every scenario, at some point everyone will be faced with accepting their mortality, so when you do, you are just accepting what makes you innately human, knowing you will die, and the company it comes with is surprising sweet.

I have also been plagued with the urge to try and communicate what I learn from my deep dive into death, and struggle to decide what medium works best to do so. My issue is that I prefer the written hand, but how can I reach others to connect with when the written world is dominated by themed bloggers with deep followings, pay-for-ad bloggers, lifestyle bloggers, and other algorithm-based advantaged bloggers. I miss the early blogging days where it was unique enough that getting your words out what enough to provoke communal responses, before it required hashtags and search optimization. Or maybe I am simply not as compelling of a writer or communicator or thinker, and so my words as mostly unheeded from the larger populace. Either option has the same result. I am stuck learning so much but unable to communicate it with mostly anyone other than my lovely husband, who can patiently decipher my meaning even when my words are obscured by months of sleep deprivation.

I recently also contemplated podcasts, despite my obvious inability to (compelling) speak aloud. My logic was that I would improve in the former, and that most people don’t enjoy reading long form anymore, unless it is streamlined directly into their subset of interest. But who knows, maybe I will return to this idea in a few months or so. It could be fun.

Speaking of months…

Ours flew by and we are finally all moved into our new home. It’s a lovely little 3-bedroom we are renting that is shaped in such a way that our baby’s room doesn’t receive much noise from our upstairs TV room, despite us being able to hear her from said bedroom. As a result, we have been able to talk above a whisper and host friends/my parents after the baby goes to sleep, despite her habit towards light sleeping.

It’s good to be home. I missed this neighborhood, with its friendliness and quirky characters. I am excited to see our little one grow up in this town that is not a town (actually though. I googled it and it is apparently a census-designated place or an unincorporated area with no definitive boundaries). We also have vultures…? I mean, yes of course. I’m studying death so a bird of death must appear!

At the same time, the transition here hasn’t as smooth as I would hope. Having lived away for years now, I have developed a plethora of bad habits that I need to break (like feeling trapped in a city and thus emotionally eating to the point that I gained 20+ pounds in a year!).

I also need to learn to balance my time in a whole new way now that I have more freedom (including the stress reduction of not being able to get myself and my little one forest bathing/into nature). The flip side of this lovely return to a land with trees and fewer cars is that I have been so inundated in environments that always have a heavy amount of ambient light that I no longer know how to sleep well in the deeper darkness of my childhood town. And at night, every sound this house makes sets me on edge (but that’s the case with almost all new places).

In lieu of sleeping

So now I’ve constructed this post to clear my mind. I also re-read many of my older posts. Since getting into death as a subject of interest, I have been reflecting a lot on myself. I have, and continue to, expend so much energy trying to conform to fit in with models of how I have been trained to believe the world needs to work. Many of my posts reflect this as I oscillate back and forth from trying to get my entrepreneurial start to trying to conform to a cookie cutter career; both in an attempt to fit in with this world model I have internalized from my years on this earth. I’m not saying that reflecting on my mortality has rid me of this tendency, but more so that it has helped me highlight the neuroses of it, which in turn is letting me better chip away at the anxiety that comes from it. Though I am no longer to having the ultimate job/career smoothly going, I have gotten better at trying to figure out what my self-decided purpose is with the time I have on this earth.

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