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hyewka · 10 months

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STRICTLY PLATONIC [teaser] | choi beomgyu

SUMMARY. fucking your best friend was supposed to be a one time thing in the hopes of relinquishing feelings for your ex, but a one time turned into a weekly and cuddles after sex are way too intimate for your liking. but beomgyu insists that he’d never catch feelings for you, that he’s experienced in these types of arrangements. he still saw you as his best friend! it was totally only platonic for you too… right?

GENRE. smut, fluff, angst, college au, a hyewka fic with plot and structure.. sort of

TEASER WARNINGS. nothing explicit just some marking lol

AUTHOR NOTE. the dream fwb fic ive been wanting to write for ages so thank you to the ask i recently replied to as it was the main motivator for this 😭 this is going to be a long one so we're going the traditional route with a teaser, im opening a tag list so if you wish to be added send an ask or comment!

You’ve never seen Choi Beomgyu in a different light. That’s what you liked about him, that everything was so… constant. Your life could crash and burn but hey, Beomgyu was still Beomgyu— your friendship was a variable in your life that stayed undeniably the exact same.

You know, until you allowed him to fuck your brains out.

Even the sole fact that you have given the thought of Beomgyu being a ‘sex symbol’ has you quivering out of sheer horror— Beomgyu… has never been a sex symbol. Sure, he fucked around, and has a reputation and yeah sure, he was crazy hot when he isn’t showing signs of extreme sleep deprivation …but you’ve just never seen him in that light.

And to have let it simmer in your thoughts for longer than a second, makes you just a tinge hesitant in letting the silly goof pull you into the dancing crowd. You whine, “I’m tired Beomgyu! My heels are killing me.”

He either doesn’t hear over the blasting music or isn’t going to give it up because he pulls you in anyway, crashing your head right into his chest and you let out an instinctual ouch at the hard surface. Your eyes are wide looking up at him, sputtering out an unbelievable sentence. “Have you—have you been working out?”

His grin widens, holding up your arm to guide at feeling out his biceps. “Every now and then.” He doesn’t mind the minute it takes you to actually feel every muscle through his shirt, in fact he’s relishing in your sudden pique of interest in his body.

Whether he’s flexing them or not doesn’t show in his face—he looks completely relaxed and you finally admit—Beomgyu is getting toned.

“Why? You hate working out.” You could barely muffle those words with the way he had you engulfed in his arms, leaning his head in your neck, swaying side to side as if the song blasting was off of Taylor Swift’s Lover and not a Lil Wayne remix.

And he hasn’t even gotten a drop of alcohol yet.

But it’s true, Beomgyu hated the gym. Like, even more than you did. Which is a testament in and of itself.

He pulls away from the crook of your neck, a pout on his lips. “Didn’t you say your type was muscular men? At Halloween weekend?”

Halloween weekend was a year ago, the first frat party you managed to get into with the help of Beomgyu’s friend, Jake. You barely remember anything from it. Other than the occasional retells of the nights by Yunjin’s words, which are always a different version of the same story... so a not very credible source. “I mean, I guess they are. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know, just saying. Jaehyun was suuper muscly.” Okay, the random mention of your ex…maybe he had some drop of alcohol.

“Are you drunk?”

“You took too long to come back, lost at beer pong.”

“How many shots?” you interrogate.

“Two.” At your suspecting glare, he continues on, “Four…five…like, at most seven.”

Your eyes bulge out, huffing out a scoff. You guys always got wasted together! Noticing the furrow of your brows he holds you tighter whining, “I know I know, sorry, I tried telling Heeseung but he’s a savage cruel man, I was practically force fed that cup.”

You don’t doubt that he attempted to persuade Heeseung but you do doubt the force feeding, it only takes a couple nudges before getting Beomgyu to drink. “I’m just slightly tipsy, not drunk yet anyway. I pledged to never ever get trashed without you. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

You slap away the hand he puts up over his chest, incredulously, losing your control over the fits of giggles when he takes your flying hand in his, taking advantage by intertwining your fingers together. “What are you doing?” your cheeks probably hurt from all the smiling, you don’t know, you think your nerves are numb.

“Can’t a guy hold his twin flame, platonic best friend’s hand?”

Skinship was not an unfamiliar with Beomgyu—he was always a naturally clingy guy. You figured when the first ever official lunch hangout you’ve had with the boy and a few of your other friends, had included a lot of random footsie.

You didn’t even know him that well in high school. Who plays footsie with an acquaintance? Choi Beomgyu, that’s who. Yet even after some reluctance that day, you end up letting him have his childish, sort of endearing fun.

Though this was all but childish, the innocently mischievous twinkle of a scrawny teenage boy had been long gone, instead replaced by the most attractive man’s hungry, lust filled gaze. “Who told you to look so sexy today?”

The theme was Angel & Devil—to match with Beomgyu, you insisted on giving him the angel outfit, and you the costume of a devil. Matching was always the fun part of these parties. “Only today?” you drawl, making an exaggerated sultry trail with your finger on his chest.

“God, shut up, you know you’re always hot,” You don’t expect the seriousness of his tone, especially when you were just teasing, but he snakes his hand around your waist, pushing you further into his body, your tits suffocatingly pressed against his chest.

You do not expect the slight squeeze to your ass, your eyes shooting particularly wide, blood rushing up to trickle your cheeks. “But I like it when you’re a little devil, makes you so sexy and alluring.”

His face buried into your neck again, this time not missing the chance of taking a deep inhale. Beomgyu could stay like this forever, filling his lungs with you, and only you. “Still can’t believe I had my hands off you for so long little devil.” Your eyes flutter shut, taking quick breaths as he moves his soft lips to your neck, wet kisses with a slip of teeth nibbling just slightly to tease, planning on coloring you with all the pretty purple hues.

And you’re sure he was well on his way until you sober up at the abrupt change in the DJ’s track.

“Beomgyu, not—not now, we’re in public.” And surrounded by tons of people that you’re either friends with or know. That broke one of the most important pillars of your agreement—to keep the fuck buddies ‘thing’ a secret.

You don’t expect the speed of his instant pull away when processing your words, blinking his pretty lashes and the tipsiness away—his doe eyes are too much of a weakness, the little furrow of his brows something you desperately want to kiss and smoothen out. “Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry.” he scratches the back of his neck, genuinely apologetic.

And eats away at you. You know Beomgyu well—he hates keeping things secret, he’s the type of person to flaunt relationships all over his feed in that lovesick puppy way that most women could only dream of having—but you weren’t dating. And that was the boundary set.

You didn’t ask him to pull away completely though, but here you were, awkwardly as distanced as you could be in the middle of a rager with sweaty college students rubbing their bodies against each other. As gross as that was, you zero’d in on something less of a given: the fact that you’ve never felt this way with Beomgyu. Ever. It was like you were starring in the most awkward coming of age indie movie, y’know, without the crazy scenery and cinematography.

And more often than not, you find that these occurance of realisations, become more and more frequent. You feel things you’ve never felt a certain way with Beomgyu. Which only brought you to realize something else; Beomgyu was now a changing variable in your life and you’re not entirely sure how to handle that.

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heliosoll · 1 year

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SATS: State Akin to Sleep Guide

I've mentioned that the SATS method is one of my preferred methods for manifesting and shifting, and as such, a lot of people have asked how I use it. So here's a little guide on what it is, how to do it, etc!

Before I start this guide I need to clarify some things because I often see confusion regarding this matter.

The state akin to sleep is just a state of consciousness. It's not a method.

The SATS method that most people talk about, refers to one example of using this state to manifest. This specific method does include visualization however, there are tons of other SATS methods that don't. I'll be going over the visualization method as well as the lullaby method and mentioning a few other options for you in this guide.

Now that I've got that out of the way!

First, what is SATS?

You sit down for the purpose of creating a state akin to sleep, as though you were sleepy, but do not push the drowsiness too far, just far enough to relax and leave you in control of the direction of your thoughts.

-Neville Goddard

The State Akin To Sleep (ie SATS) is a state of consciousness where a person is completely relaxed, and often somewhat drowsy, yet is still aware of and in control of their thoughts.

This state can happen at any time of the day, however, people are most often aware of it right before they go to sleep and right after they wake up. It's still important to note that you can get into this state whenever you want, not just before sleep!

Now, remember what I said at the very beginning, SATS is just a state of consciousness. There are multiple different methods one can do while in SATS. There are also other things you can do in this state, not just methods! I'll talk about this more further down.

Now that we know what SATS is, let's get into some SATS methods!

Neville Goddard explains one of his personal methods of using SATS to manifest as such:

Get into a completely comfortable position and start to relax

Know what you want to manifest and decide on it beforehand

Decide on a scene to visualize that would imply you have your manifestation (ex: manifesting being rich and visualizing seeing millions in your account/counting money/etc)

Once you've decided both of these things, allow yourself to fully relax and enter sats (try not to think too hard about this - just relax)

The moment you enter this state, visualize your scene on repeat until you fall asleep or decide to stop.

Another version, the Lullaby Method, is extremely similar but uses repeating affirmations in place of visualizing. So do go through the first two steps and then instead of visualizing a scene, pick one or a few different affirmations to repeat until you fall asleep or decide to stop.

The Vaunting Method is another method that can be done in the state akin to sleep. To do this method, simply pretend to have a conversation with someone of your choice, and then talk/brag about your manifestations. This one is popular with people who don't like repeating the same aff over and over again and prefer their affirmations to sound more natural, hence the conversational tone of it. This method doesn't need to be done in SATS but it is a fun option.

"Feeling it real"

In this feeling, it is easy to touch anything in this world. You take the simple little restricted action which implies fulfillment of your prayer and you feel it or you enact it. Whatever it is, you enter into the action as though you were an actor in the part. You do not sit back and visualize yourself doing it. You do it.

-Neville Goddard

Neville repeats quite often that "feeling it real" is very important to this method. I want to make it clear that 1. you don't need to feel it real and 2. feeling it real is actually a lot easier than people think it is and most people are able to do it.

"Feeling it real" in regard to visualization or affirmations usually refers to that feeling of confidence or assuredness that you already have your manifestation. Say you're manifesting your desired face; feeling it real would come with a feeling of just knowing that you have your DF and the scene that you repeat would actually feel real, not necessarily in a physical sense, but in a way that you know it to be true and you're not just imagining/wishing for it to be. So again, it's not about feeling physical sensations, it's more about feeling the emotions and thoughts that you would feel if you were actually experiencing your desires in the 3D.

For example, if you're manifesting being rich, imagine the emotions and feelings that being rich would give you. Would you feel happy? Comfortable? Secure? If you're manifesting a partner, what emotions would you feel being with them? If you're manifesting a vacation or a new phone or getting accepted into your desired university etcetc, imagine the emotions, thoughts, and feelings you would have if you were experiencing this right now.

Try not to be worried if you can't feel it real or it doesn't come easily to you at first. Tons of people manifest without feeling it real, myself and a lot of other loa blogs here included! It's not necessary, it's just another option that can help. It's another facet of knowing your desires already belong to you. Which... they do! Regardless of your doubts and fears, they belong to you. You already have them. This is partially why feeling it real works and also why it isn't technically necessary. It works because you're acknowledging that you already have it but it's also not necessary because you quite literally already have it, regardless of how you're thinking.

Common Questions

How do you use the SATS method to shift?

It's basically the same thing! Instead of visualizing/affirming something about a manifestation, you would just visualize/affirm your DR/WR.

Is visualizing necessary for the SATS method?

I answered this above but I want to say it again. Yes and no. Visualizing is one of the methods. That specific method is a visualization method. However, there are other methods that use this state that don't include visualization.

I know a lot of people like to say you don't need to visualize for the SATS method, and they're like... partially right. The state akin to sleep isn't a method itself, it's just a state of consciousness. There are hundreds of different things and methods you can do while in the state akin to sleep. However, the specific SATS method that most people talk about in loa and shifting circles is referring to one of Neville's methods which does include visualization as a major component. So no, you don't need to visualize while in SATS, but yes, visualization is part of that specific SATS method. I know it can get confusing, which is why there's so much debate about it. It's mostly semantics though and once you know that difference, it's a lot easier to understand these conversations and figure out something that works for you.

If can't or don't like visualizing, check out the above methods and/or the last question!

How do I get into SATS?

You can let yourself enter it naturally by sitting/laying in a comfortable position and calming yourself down. I have a post that gives a few different options for getting and staying relaxed.

Again, try not to overthink this! The state akin to sleep is literally just a state where one is completely relaxed (and could drift to sleep) but is still awake and aware of their thoughts. That's it! You don't have to be getting ready to sleep to enter SATS. If you've had one boring class, you've probably gotten into SATS during the day!

Is the SATS method necessary to manifest/shift?

No.

Can I move while in SATS?

Yes. This isn't the military - do whatever you want. No, you won't get knocked out of the state if you move.

What are other methods that use SATS?

Besides the ones mentioned above, one of Neville's other methods was feeling thankful; essentially feeling thankful for your life and for already having your desires while being in SATS (this one also employs the feeling of the wish fulfilled). I'm not sure if there's a name for it, but another one is to listen to music, subs, and/or waves that remind you of your manifestations/desired realities while in SATS. Again, there are other options, these are just some of the most common ones!

Do remember that the state akin to sleep is simply just a state and you can do literally whatever you want in it. You can make your own method that works better for you! Don't be afraid to just lie there and try something out.

That's honestly it! SATS and SATS methods are really simple actually! Once you know what the state is, and I promise you've already experienced it, it's really easy to figure out a method that works for you while in it.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions! 🥰

#law of assumption #sats #loa #loassumption #neville goddard #manifestation #manifesting #shifting #state akin to sleep

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alexxncl · 11 days

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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 40 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | lesson 39

the end of an era (season 2)

normal and hard spoilers

oh baby :(

see every time i remember how sheltered diavolo is it makes me hate his father that much more. he grew up with everything in the world, but practically nobody to share it with.

diavolo had to have been smart enough to have caught onto the reason behind mephisto's attachment to him at an early age. he might be dense, but he's not stupid. even if he and mephisto did end up becoming really good friends, diavolo knew early on that their proximity was for business and royalty purposes only, and that friendship and a genuine relationship was second to their professional relationship

i feel like this is why he initially thought of the brothers as treasures in regard to status rather than as people, and the mindset shifted to seeing them as treasures in regards to the relationship he formed with them. he wanted genuine connection, but forming a professional connection before a genuine relationship was so deeply ingrained in him that he defaulted to it without even realizing it

...he can't be fucking serious

GET HIM OUT I BEG

he would've done this regardless of the option we picked during the angel's trial i hate it here...can't he take a class or smth instead of experimenting on us

i'm gonna kill him /j

i'm a whore in the game so i technically date everyone at once. but why does he NEVER say i love you back ????? not even in the first game ????????

like ok you're a time demon who shouldn't get attached to anyone and you choose to stay unattached bc you'll lose everyone anyways blah blah blah but at least indulge me a little bit 💔

SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY I LOVE THEM

i feel like they know this is their last goodbye yk? obviously barbatos does, but this feels very, very final on their part. maybe it's a different version the feeling they have when they go into mc's room, like they can feel mc being pulled away from them physically

what if the end of the lesson or the story in the hard part of the lesson is them portalling back to their timeline and the brothers getting a glimpse of their alternate selves? and then everything clicking into place after mc leaves?

the fact that simeon has as many doubts about his father's intentions as lucifer and his brothers did really solidifies my belief that he wanted to, in the worst case, fall with the brothers. and if he didn't fall, he'd at least have begged for answers as much as lucifer did before the war. he was demoted after the war for helping the brothers in canon, and i feel like he still beats himself up about it because of the side he chose. him and raphael both, but raphael is better at hiding it

(i have a whole post about simeon and michael before the war here)

i've said this about a million times but...

the brothers ever 🫶🏽

they're such shitheads but also extremely concerned i love their dynamic sm

SEE I TOLD YOU ‼️ HE MASKS HIS FEAR WITH ANGER (even though i'm pretty sure this was confirmed in canon in the og game and in nb s1)

him admitting that he was scared though? putting his pride aside and actually talking about his feelings for once? this is proof of how much he trusts mc, how much he loves and cares for them, even if he can't explain why the feelings he holds for them are so strong

it also shows that he's thankful to have someone who will care about and protect his brothers as much as he does, and some of the weight of the "oldest brother" mantle has been lifted. it allows him to be vulnerable and at least a little more carefree, which is why he's seen joking and laughing with his brothers so much more often in the later lessons in comparison to season 1 and early season 2

i feel like i'm SUPOOSED to reach bc why would he phrase it like that ??? i don't think he knows...but he's really intuitive

or maybe this was a way of the devs using him to unofficially-officially send us off and into our original timeline. idk. i'm reaching but they made me

THEY DID NOT

oh i'm really gonna cry...they took what we wrote in season 1 and showed it to the boys

i COMPLETELY forgot we even did this 😭 god i'm gonna cry i love this game sm

I KNEW NO TIME PASSED THANK GODDDDDD

i don't think i'd be able to handle it if the same amount of time passed across realms

i also think this is why they emphasized "time soup" so heavily, you can be put anywhere at any time as if nothing had changed

...i can't believe it's over

...for now at least

well time to read the HDD story and catch up on devilgram

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jjkeverlast · 2 years

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roommates | jjk

-> pairing roommate!jk x female reader

-> genre roommates to lovers, roommates au

-> summary you’ve been roommates with jeon jungkook for quite some time now, not having a single thought of him other than a roommate. but things take an unexpected turn when you accidentally catch him in the act.

-> word count 5.8k

-> warnings voyeurism (it's an accident but still), fingering, oral (m. receiving), multiple orgasms, a lot of fucking teasing, switch!jk, switch!reader.

-> author's note if this fic seems familiar that is because i have decided to re-edit roommates to a version i am more pleased with. <3 hope you still enjoy it!

“And cut! See you guys on Monday! 12:00 am! Don’t be late.” your boss Stacey shouts through a megaphone. Stacey is your current director as you’re helping her work on a coming of age movie. You say your quick goodbyes to your colleagues and staff, before going to your trailer. Hair and makeup was not on the crazy side today, so you just quickly change your outfit, pack your bags and leave towards home.

Living in L.A for almost 3 years had its ups and downs, although in the end you never regretted your solution. It was hard at first – quitting your job as a sales associate back home, but after being true to yourself, you realized that this was not your dream but that your dream was being an actress. You have always had this dream. That dream was yours. Right when you watched the Mary Poppins Broadway Show at the age of 12. God, you had smiled your whole way through. You had pictured yourself on the stage, engulfed by the dimmed light, performing for thousands of people. That’s when you knew.

Min Yoongi – who started as a cyber friend but with time you guys grew closer and met often; had always been by your side. You had accidentally drunk dm'ed him on Instagram, thinking it was your good ol' fuck buddy back then. The conversation had taken a humoristic turn, when Yoongi decided to play along, a kermit sipping tea meme being sent from you the next day, and that's when your friendship blossomed. Yoongi was already living in L.A and was supportive of your rash ‘fuck it’ decision of moving to L.A. Yoongi had a colleague from work in need of a roommate, and that's when your plan stepped into action. You quit your job, packed your suitcase and hopped on the soonest flight to L.A.

The only thing Yoongi hadn't mentioned was that this colleague of his was a dude. He really waited up until the last minute to tell youㅡand there you were.. totally oblivious of what you were putting yourself into.

You weren’t upset about your roomie situation, no. You were more upset over the fact that it never crossed Yoongi's mind to tell you. - Causing Yoongi and you to end up bickering about ’you not being remotely excited to share an apartment with a male’, in which you remember saying to him, “who for all I know could be a secret serial killer.” outside of his friend’s apartment.

There were two problems unfolding after that conversation. The first one being your future roommate hearing everything as in; every single word. And the second one? well.. He was hot. So fucking hot.

You recall the first meeting being extremely awkward since he was making you nervous. - Reasons being; he was shirtless when he opened the door. Adding to that matter, playing with his lip ring. - Yes, the reason you know was because you were staring at his pink plump lips. Knowing how strong your attraction was towards a futuristic roommate was dangerous. You felt as if you had two choices; living on the street or with the one and only.. Jeon Jungkook.

If it weren’t for Yoongi reassuring you that nothing ‘bad’ would happen, you would've never thought of living with Jungkook for the next three years by now. But as time passed, the attraction slowly vanished and you didn’t feel as smitten as when you first laid your eyes on him. Because you guys were simply.. roommates!

Arriving at the apartment, you slump on the couch as the first thing. Working on set definitely kills your legs, you notice Jungkook isn’t home and think back to your morning conversation of him mentioning helping Namjoon at his bar ‘Dynamite’ tonight. Therefore, you make dinner for yourself and watch whatever is playing on TV at the moment. Somehow you end up falling asleep on the couch, or more likely the carpet under the couch. You’d been exhausted after working for a full day and it surely showed.

‘’Shh… we have to be really quiet. My roommate is right next door and I don’t want to wake her up.’’ That was false, you were sleeping beneath the couch, invisible to Jungkook’s eyes. The blonde which Jungkook brought home had hit on him until Namjoon had enough and just told him to ‘go for it.’ Jungkook took upon Namjoon’s angry encouragement and now they were here, sneaking in, trying their best not to make a noise to wake you. It was a success – Jungkook’s words not yours.

As Jungkook is about to open his bedroom door, the blonde whispers, ‘’I want you to fuck me on the kitchen counter like there’s no tomorrow.’’ Jungkook was a freak. Risky sex being one of his kinks, he could not deny the offer. Although it was very wrong, you were sleeping not even five meters away from them. ‘’Are you sure you can keep those screams shut?’’ Her knees weakened at his comment and slowly nodded, pulling him towards the kitchen counter.

The carpet which you were currently laying on starts to itch your right cheek. That somehow wakes you up and you take notice that you had been sleeping on the fucking carpet, not even the couch, no the fucking carpet. You’re about to move up when you hear a muffled moan. You stop in your tracks, scared to turn your head. But your curiosity was killing you, making you turn slowly, seeing Jungkook thrusting his hips in a slow pace, his tattooed hand covering the mouth of a pretty blonde.

You widen your eyes, turning towards the TV, screaming internally over this. You are fucked. You can’t get out of this Y/N. If you made the slightest noise, Jungkook would never be able to look at you again and that could end up with him kicking you out. You did not want that, so you cover your ears – trying to cancel all noise around you. This was to date, your worst nightmare. It was so far quiet, only muffled moans escaping what you had guessed was the girl. You begin to feel lightheaded over the whole situation, wondering if you’ll ever recover being in the same room as Jungkook is knees deep in a stranger.

‘’Fuck you’re so wet.’’ Your lips part from Jungkook’s dirty talk – you never pegged him as the type to dirty talk and you’re not mad about it. Wait, no, Y/N. You’re not supposed to think that, he’s your roommate. Your extremely hot roommate. This is bad, this is so fucking bad.

It was as if all your prayers were heard, because the blonde started begging to suck him off in the bedroom, which saved you from more misery. After waiting it out for a bit more, you finally got up from the carpet, returning to your room in a hurry.

The sleep you wished to seek was long gone and you were awake until dawn. Seeing it was time for work, you got ready, now standing by the coffee machine in desperate need of caffeine. As the machine creates magic, you space out, maybe it was the lack of sleep – that’s what you keep telling yourself. Jungkook arrives in sight, hugging you from behind and whispering good morning in your ear. His lips drag further down, peppering you with small kisses onto your collarbone earning a satisfied moan from you. He proceeds to place his hand to the hem of your panties, teasing you over the fabric. You buck your hips, signaling him that you're indeed enjoying this and he should keep going.

He gets the signal, moving his hand under your underwear, his cold fingers making direct contact onto your slit, your pussy already being as wet as it could be.

‘’Fuck you’re so wet.’’ He murmurs under his breath, before pushing a finger into your walls, clenching nicely around his finger. As he bites your earlobe, another finger slips in and your breath hitches from the stretch caused only by his fingers.

‘’You take me so nicely.’’ He compliments, his pace quickening causing you to lean your head back on his shoulder – due to all the pleasure.

Everything is interrupted when Jungkook steps out with the blonde trailing behind him. He takes notice of you right away, pouring milk in your mug. ‘’Morning.’’ He greets casually and you return it with an undertone of bitterness. You fixate your eyes on Jungkook’s hookup and give a sympathetic smile before you take a sip from your coffee. He walks her to the front door, her hair looking like a bird nest from behind. They must’ve gone at it for a while.

‘’Wow, that was maybe the best fuck I’ve had.’’ You hear her comment and a grin received from Jungkook. Was he really that good? Jungkook joins you in the kitchen before your thoughts can evolve.

“Seems like you had a lot of fun yesterday...” you start off with an innocent tone – putting on a facade, to not show that you heard or more likely saw.

A small grin appears onto his face, “You didn’t hear any of it did you?”

You choke with half a sip of coffee in your mouth, you hadn't expected that. Not wanting to get caught red handed over this awful and embarrassing experience you decide to shrug off the whole thing. Just act like nothing happened Y/N, it might help with your sudden daydreams of Jungkook fingering you in the middle of the kitchen.

“Oh– no no, I was sleeping like a rock yesterday.” You wave him off, trying your best to play cool.

“Okay.” he answers with a tone that makes you doubt. A part of you immediately starts regretting lying to him but it was for the best. Who in their right mind tells someone that they’ve not only heard them have sexual intercourse with someone but caught a glance at it. Lying is definitely the only way out of this.

‘’Shit–’’ You gasp as Jungkook quickens his pace, gripping the sheets above you with both arms. He earns another moan from you when his tongue swirls over your erected nipple. The cold from his lip ring makes you shiver. You pull him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, his forehead rubbing against your own. The both of you panting as your bodies move in rhythm. Jungkook’s eyes roam all over your body, squeezing one of your breasts and the familiar urge to come pokes at the pit of your stomach. ‘’You feel–’’ Jungkook interrupts you, shoving his warm tongue in your mouth as his hand holds your jaw. ‘’Mmm– you feel so fucking good.’’ Jungkook flashes his white pearly teeth from your compliment, ‘’yeah?’’ You moan in agreement and your orgasm reaches every part of your body –

‘’Piece of shit!’’ You yell out of shock. You make sure you were dreaming, turning around noticing you’re in your bedroom; alone. You lay back down, a sigh escaping your lips in disbelief over how hot that dream was. You had to get out, away from Jungkook and mostly your dirty thoughts haunting you about your roommate.

The following weeks you kept yourself busy, on set almost everyday and not seeing Jungkook as often. He took some late night shifts and you primarily in the morning. Your dirty thoughts were starting to calm the more you kept yourself busy. Jungkook on the other hand walked around feeling guilty – he noticed quickly how you kept yourself busy not wanting to be near him. Therefore he took extra shifts to help out Namjoon.

''I just feel like, I did something wrong?'' Jungkook admits to Namjoon, as they were polishing the glasses, behind the bar.

''What if she's genuinely busy?'' Namjoon tells Jungkook, mostly for him to not feel guilty because of all this. ''There is always gonna be some period of time, where the both of you are really busy. It happens Jeon.'' Namjoon was right, mostly.

You have been busy, but it was to the point where you kept yourself longer on set, not wanting to see Jungkook when you came home.

But this was your fault. You grew a huge sexual attraction to Jungkook, not wanting to ruin your friendship, you decided on keeping your mouth shut.

''Joon, she's usually off Friday, and instead of her being home she was with Yoongi all day.'' Jungkook expresses, not because he didn't believe Namjoon. Sure you were busy, but to the point where you suddenly started hanging more often at Yoongi's place without him? That didn't sit well with him.

''Okay, maybe you did something.'' Namjoon answers, earning a confused frown from Jungkook.

''Look, maybe just give her a call?'' Namjoon suggests. ''Jungkook, if she answers, nothing is wrong. If she declines? Then you for sure did something.'' Namjoon explains as Jungkook stays silent, not knowing how to fix this.

Not thinking any further, Jungkook decides to give you a call outside.

You’re currently sitting in Yoongi's apartment, munching on a bag of Doritos, while watching New Girl for the seventh time. It has always been your comfort series, when you felt either down or confused, and right now you're a good mix of both.

Yoongi, sat next to you working on a current record that was to be released in under a week. You wondered if you should tell Yoongi, maybe he could help you out of it. Or, maybe he would just laugh in your face and tell you to fix it yourself. Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by your ringtone.

You grabbed the phone, seeing Jungkook's name. Shit.

Yoongi noticed your freezing state, just staring at your phone.

''Y/N, are you gonna answer that?'' Yoongi asks you out of curiosity. Your head snaps towards him, nodding your head before pushing the answer button, bringing it to your ear.

''Hello?'' you ask, making sure this wasn't a pocket dial.

''H-hey Y/N, I was just wondering...'' Jungkook starts off, small whispers appear in the background – Namjoon scolding Jungkook for a small second before Jungkook continues.

''I mean, no, we need to talk.'' He says flatly. Shit. Exactly what you didn't want to do.

Without thinking much, you act like you couldn't hear him blurting out nonsense about there being bad reception and just hanging up.

You throw your phone to the side, letting out a big sigh of frustration.

Yoongi clears his throat, earning your attention. ''Y/N, care to explain what just happened?'' You open your mouth, trying to come up with a lie, Yoongi interrupting you before you could continue. ''And don't lie.'' He warns sternly.

''Well, around 2 weeks ago, Jungkook had a girl over.'' Yoongi hums a yes, making you continue. ''I accidentally fell asleep on the couch and might’ve been a witness to seeing Jungkook knees deep in someone.'' Yoongi scrunches his nose, uncomfort drawn on his face but he motivates you to continue. ''After the incident, I started daydreaming about Jungkook and I... in a not so friendly matter.''

''Ah, so this is why you've been crashing at my place?'' You nod yes, receiving a light chuckle from Yoongi, you slap his shoulder not wanting him to laugh at your awful dilemma.

''Y/N, at one point you're gonna have to face Jungkook. You can't keep hiding at my place and you can't ignore him forever.'' Yoongi expresses, you adding a soft you're right.

“We’re gonna have to cancel tomorrow’s shooting. Stacey got sick over the weekend so we’re gonna have to postpone till next week. Sorry guys.” Jia, Stacey's assistant, announces to the crew and cast. Shit, now you are gonna have to stay home the whole day tomorrow. You are hoping deep down that Jungkook would be busy with a shift at Dynamite or even worse a random hookup.

The thought of him being with a random hookup, brought a bitter feeling to the pit of your tongue.

When you arrive home, Jungkook is nowhere to be seen, probably again at Dynamite helping out Namjoon. You sigh in relief, retrieving yourself in your room, getting ready to binge a few episodes of New Girl, before calling it a night.

You start shuffling in your sleep, not finding a good sleeping position. Giving up on your sleep, you decide to make yourself a warm cup of tea, thinking it might help your sudden lack of sleep.

As you rummage through the tea cabinet, you don't hear the front door close.

“What are you doing up?” you yelp in shock as Jungkook is standing by the counter, wearing his work attire. Fuck.

“God Jungkook! Don't do that. My heart almost fell out of my chest.'' you scold still in shock.

You realize you haven’t answered his question. ''I couldn't sleep, thought some tea might help.'' And with that your eyes were back to the tea cabinet, in desperate need of finding the strawberry tea flavor.

“Listen Y/N.” he starts.

“Oh no… you forgot to buy my strawberry tea. How could you!” you interrupt him as you have a feeling where the conversation might be heading.

“Can we not talk about that right now? I really need to tell you something. Just please listen.” he says sternly. You turn your head towards him, taking Yoongi's words to you.You can't ignore him forever. So you give in, nodding your head making him continue.

“Okay so I've noticed you’ve been distant for the past week and I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong or if you’re just busy... ”

You take a deep sigh before replying, “Look Jeon, I- I’m busy you know?'' Avoiding his gaze, you try to come up with another lie.

He nods his head showing that he understands that you were busy. His brows suddenly grow closer, as if he is wondering something.

“For a minute there I thought you might have been jealous or something.” he confesses, obtaining a shocked expression from you. How did he–

“Wha- why?” You ask, not being able to comprehend what is happening.

“I don't know... you just distanced yourself after the whole encounter with my hookup.” He admits, his eyes now looking straight at yours, waiting for a response from you.

Do not give in Y/N.

You scoff lightly before crossing your arms. “Jeon, you've got the wrong idea. I'm not jealous. You're being weird. You're being very weird.'' You exclaim, trying to hide your sudden nervousness peeking out of you a little. Shit, shit, shit.

He chuckles a bit, ''You’re literally repeating yourself Y/N. So no, I’m not being weird, if anyone is being weird right now it's you.’‘ he says jokingly. You don’t answer him. Simply ignoring his remark.

“Okay you know what? Fuck this.” Jungkook says, giving up on your little act. Knowing that no matter how much he tried, you wouldn’t give in, cause that’s not you right?

He turns his back to you, beginning to walk towards his room. Not thinking any further you suddenly blurt out, ''Okay fine! You really wanna know what’s been going on? Okay I’ll tell you.” you say in an angrily tone, not thinking of any of the consequences this confession might bring. For once you need to be honest with both yourself and him. He turns around, his eyes now looking at yours.

“What Y/N?”

“For fucks sake Jungkook! I heard it, every single thing.'' You confess, a sudden silence growing inside the kitchen, as Jungkook just keeps looking at you. You take this as a sign to continue, as you've already fucked the whole thing up.

“Ever since then my mind has been going places. Daydreaming you fucking my brains out. That's why I distanced myself. I couldn't look at you. Not after all this.'' You sigh, feeling a bit lighter. Jungkook is being silent, way too silent for your liking.

That's when immediate regret came upon you. “Fuck, I knew I should've just shut up, forget this ever happened–'' You couldn't finish your regretful comment as Jungkook made his way towards you, crashing his lips onto yours. Your eyes grew wide, being in absolute shock. Before the kiss could deepen, Jungkook retrieves. A tingling sensation was now growing onto your lips, already missing the feeling of his lips.

“Fuck– Y/N. I’m so sorry. I don't know what came over me.” he excuses, adding a small grin to lighten the whole situation and to make it less awkward about what had just happened.

You don’t say anything – still being in absolute shock over the fact that Jungkook willingly kissed you.

Jungkook clears his throat before adding, “well... Goodnight.” He turns walking slowly back to his bedroom, not looking back at you. His door was now shut.

What the actual fuck.

You stand still for a few moments, your mind in a desperate need of progressing what the fuck just happened. Without thinking any further your legs start walking towards Jeon's room. You lift your hand, about to knock but before you could, the door suddenly opens. Jungkook in front of you again.

“Y/N I–“

You don’t let him finish, returning your lips back on his in a desperate need to feel them again. Jungkook tenses under your touch, but it’s quickly exchanged as he wraps his arm around your form, hugging you tighter towards him. As your lips move in sync, you feel his broad chest against your own, his tattooed arm holding you tight. It’s weird how your body grows hot over Jungkook’s touch. You’ve known each other for so long, the thought of sex surpassed the both of you very fast – mostly him not you.

‘’Mmm– are you sure?’’ Jungkook looks at you in the dimly lit room, his brown eyes fixated on your answer. You know you want this. Your body and mind craves the touch of Jungkook.

‘’I do.’’ You bring your fingers, tugging his slightly parted hair and he toys once with his lip ring, his tongue making an exit and gently rolling over the metal until he nods pulling you back in. Now his tongue runs over yours, delicately all while his arms are still holding firmly onto you.

A part of you can’t help but grow impatient. You’ve lived with Jungkook for about four years and in all honesty? A big part of you has wanted this for a very long time. It takes you back to when he accidentally popped in your head while your vibrator was in between your legs, your body in a desperate need for a release. You were so fucking needy tonight and you didn’t care.

‘’Touch me Jungkook. Please.’’ You mumble against his lips, your hips grinding more against him to feel him as close as you possibly can. You expect for Jungkook to do just that, instead he starts shaking under your neediness. You grow concerned, retrieving slowly to get a good look at him.

‘’Did I say something wrong?’’ Jungkook bites his lip, shaking his head to indicate a no. He pulls you closer again, his lips brushing against yours, ‘’You have no fucking clue how many times I’ve imagined you begging for my touch.’’ He whispers, grabbing a hold of your hair making you gasp. ‘’So I’m going to give you just that.’’ His arm unleashes from your form instead grabbing a hold of your exposed shoulders in your loose t-shirt. His hands feel cold against your burning hot skin, causing your nipples to erect.

Jungkook takes notice of how perky your breasts now are, his hand trailing further down giving one of them a firm squeeze. You feel like you’re dreaming, Jungkook’s words are slurring in the back of your brain. He’s thought of you as you have of him. You grab a hold of his black t-shirt, tugging at it as his fingers trace over your nipples, pinching it in between his fingers and your hold only tightens as you pant against his mouth. ‘’Is this enough?’’ He asks soothingly and you almost lose all your patience, wanting for him to throw you on the bed and take you as if this is the only night he’ll be able to touch you.

‘’No.’’

‘’Then tell me where you want me to touch you.’’ You lock your eyes with his, grabbing hold of his wrist belonging to his hand attached to your breast. You drag it longer down and under your t-shirt. He doesn’t move his fingers once they touch your heat, already being soaked enough for him to just slide in with ease.

‘’Here–’’ You hold his thumb, pressing it onto your clit. Jungkook’s mouth parts as you continue using his fingers on yourself. The sight of you being so desperate for him, and mostly his fingers almost makes him finish right in his pants. The way your lips are perfectly parted, your brows furrowed as his fingers slide in with ease inside of you. You grind yourself on his fingers, still frozen, not daring to move and Jungkook gulps trying his best to remain as he’s loving every bit of you using his fingers to make yourself come right in front of his eyes.

‘’Right here.’’ You sigh, closing your eyes as the pleasure increases within you. Jungkook loses it, curling his fingers inside of you making you snap under his move. You smile in victory knowing you made him lose all patience with you toying around.

It isn’t until Jungkook picks up a pace that your smile turns to an ‘o’, an awaited moan finally escaping your lips. Jungkook’s cock was begging to be touched, becoming so hard he felt as if he’d turn dizzy. Your moans were soothing under his skin, reminding him of the wave of pleasure he’s giving you.

‘’Mmm~’’ You’re still tugging at his t-shirt, focusing just on the pleasure and reaching your orgasm. Jungkook doesn’t stop, his thumb circling around your clit all while two fingers are shoved deep inside of your walls, hitting your g-spot nicely. You’re surprised over how good Jungkook is at fingering you. He’s so dedicated to making you finish all over his fingers and the thought is definitely pushing you closer to your orgasm appearing in the pit of your stomach.

Jungkook pulls you closer, faces mere inches apart. ‘’I want you to look at me.’’ You do as he says, maintaining eye contact. The room fills up with the sounds from Jungkook’s fingers re-entering you. As your high reaches, you let out a strained moan, eyes still locked to Jungkook’s which have turned darker than earlier. His lip ring is dangling free, his lip going once or twice back to playing with it. You get more aroused by the minute, Jungkook’s fingers have stopped moving inside of you.

‘’Fuck, you look so hot when you finish all over my fingers.’’ The praise sends a warm fuzzy feeling, heating your cheeks more than before. You’re anticipated for what’s next, although you really wanna fill your mouth up with his cock.

Seeing Jungkook is staying silent, not knowing what’s next you surprise him by taking his fingers out of you. He doesn’t hesitate to lick off your glistening arousal that coated his fingers.

‘’I’ve been dying to do this.’’ You drop down to your knees, roaming your hands on his thighs, squeezing his skin under your palms. Jungkook hisses from the contact, his eyes never leaving yours and patiently awaiting for your next move.

You remove his gray sweatpants, keeping the boxers on for the upcoming teasing you will accomplish. You palm him through the fabric, moving your head towards it, peppering it with small kisses.

‘’This is so fucking mean– ah!’’ You cup him, grabbing his erection firmly. At least he’ll stop complaining for now. Your hands are done exploring, Jungkook’s cheeks have turned pink from the impatience of wanting you to suck him off. You know he wants it, despite the fact that you’re taking your time – not knowing if this is a one time thing or not. You want to enjoy him fully.

It’s as if all Jungkook’s prayers are answered when you finally pull his boxers down, tongue flicking over his tip, glistening with pre-cum. ‘’Shit.’’ He murmurs, head throwing back in disbelief over how your tongue is running on his tip at this very moment.

You open wider, welcoming him a bit more in, hand pumping for what you don’t cover with your mouth just yet. It takes almost a split five seconds of sucking his tip off and Jungkook lets out a moan for you to hear. He sounds almost desperate, the moan being mildly hoarse.

Your cheeks hollow as you take him further in your mouth, tongue flatly running along his veins. He’s a lot to handle, but your mouth does the job.

‘’Don’t stop.’’ He lowly mutters, his hand holding your cheek, rubbing smoothly in patterns. You obey, continuing in a pace that has Jungkook grunting and breathing heavily only caused by your mouth. You feel overly confident knowing you have a certain effect on Jungkook. You moan against his dick, the thought overflowing you and Jungkook bucks his hips towards you in a thrust. He continues to fuck your mouth, his cock now coated in your spit.

‘’I think now’s the time that I finally fuck you.’’ Jungkook expresses.

You remove your mouth, some spit landing on your chin; your hand still holding onto the base of his cock. ‘’Oh yeah? Who said you’d be the one to dom?’’ Jungkook is in shock over your words, shivering at the thought of you completely taking control over his body. Jungkook’s silence is enough for you to know he’s toying with the idea of you taking over.

‘’Okay. Take control of me.’’ He throws his shirt over his head, exposing his abs and fully tattooed sleeve to you, laying down comfortably, inviting you in between his legs. You follow his movements, taking off your shirt and dropping your panties to the ground. Now moving towards him, wanting to ride him out like there’s no tomorrow.

Your hips now straddling him, grinding against his cock and coating him in your arousal from earlier. Jungkook’s hesitant to touch you, his hand moving and holding tight in a pillow instead.

Your fingers examine his face – mostly his lip because of his piercing – you’re in doubt if you can play with it, so you let your fingers rest on his cheek. It’s as if Jungkook knew your doubt, guiding your finger and letting it rest on the metal of the ring. You bite your lip, gently moving the piercing back and forth.

‘’Do you have any idea how turned on I get by this?’’ Jungkook interrupts your session of toying with his lip ring. You freeze, mouth agape all while shaking your head no.

Jungkook presses you down, your folds making direct contact to his cock and it’s so fucking hard. He wasn’t lying.

‘’Please, just fucking ride me already.’’ He sucks in a breath noticing how needy that actually sounded from his part. He loved how you took your time with him but he wasn’t going to last very long if he didn’t experience the feeling of how you convulse around his cock while he’s inside of you.

‘’Because you asked so nicely.’’ You prop yourself, taking a hold of the base of his cock and guiding it to your entrance. The tip barely reaches all the way in and Jungkook’s eyes are closed, panting lowly. The sight is definitely something you could get used to, seeing him getting all worked up for your touch and now mostly your cunt wrapped around him.

You drop further down, Jungkook’s dick now fully nestled inside of you. You whimper out of sensation of how well he’s stretching you out. You start bucking your hips, a hiss leaving your mouth as you ride him tenderly.

Jungkook’s eyes are still screwed shut, his eyebrows grown close and his mouth slightly parted, showcasing just how pleased he is by you. You rake your fingernails in his chest as you pick up your pace, sensing the familiar knot re-appearing.

‘’Fucking hell,’’ Jungkook curses, his eyes now roaming your body and how smoothly you move above him. He takes his chances, grabbing your ass tightly making you jerk your hips out of the sudden control Jungkook is having again.

You like that he’s testing out how much he’s allowed to do. Almost as if he’s being careful with you as you’re a delicate flower petal.

You’re determined to make yourself and him finish in the short amount of time and seeing Jungkook’s fucked out face, you’re close to reaching your goal.

‘’You feel so good–’’ You praise, receiving a small smile from Jungkook. Your hips are close to giving up, riding as if you have the whole time in the world.

‘’Come on, you’re so close.’’ Jungkook encourages you, moving his grip on you along with your movements.

Your legs begin to lightly shake, dissolving into pleasure and finally reaching your second high. Jungkook grunts, feeling your arousal on his cock as you keep riding it. It doesn’t take long for Jungkook to lose himself completely, coming undone inside of you and filling you up with every drop he has to give.

''Holy shit.'' You say a bit out of breath, trying to regain a bit of consciousness.

''I can't believe we just fucked.'' ''Makes two of us.''

He turns his head towards you, looking into your eyes, causing small butterflies to appear in the pit of your stomach.

You smile. ''What?'' you ask, still giggling a bit.

''I- did you know you look really pretty after getting fucked?'' He asks, running his fingers along your arm.

Shit, that was hot.

''Stop it Jeon.'' You respond by giving him a small smack on his chest once again.

''What? I'm serious.'' There they were, once again the butterflies in the pit of your stomach, not wanting to disappear.

''So, what now?''

perma taglist;

@gimmethatagustd @sugarwithtea @pjiminbloom @armys-dna @yoongukie-ff @sxtaep @haliiimede @shimisushi

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edenfenixblogs · 3 months

Note

Hey, I came from your post about Night. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while now, but I’ve heard that the English version is very watered down and stripped of the original emotions that are in the Yiddish version. Do you know if there are any more accurate English translations, or if the Hebrew one is more like the original? Sorry if you’re not the right person to ask about this, you just seem quite knowledgeable

(also coming from my vent account so I don’t get any hate on main for being a Jew lol)

No worries at all, @nonbinary-vents:

I want to be clear about something: My post was aimed at goyim.

You are a Jewish person, and reading this book (especially if you haven't read any other accounts of experiences in concentration camps) may be an important thing for you to do. And I'd cautiously encourage you to do so if you feel emotionally stable. But you do not need to worry about the experience of this book feeling watered down.

If you are Jewish and not in a very stable emotional state, do not read this book. Do not cause yourself harm.

(If you are goyiscshe, you should challenge yourself and force yourself to read this book. Obviously if you are in an actual emotional/psychological crisis or dealing with the death or illness of a loved one, then you are the only goyim who has an excuse not to read this book. No matter who you are, do not read this book if it will cause you actual mental harm or drive you to somehow cause yourself physical harm. But if it will make you upset, depressed, panicked at your own failings, or other extremely unpleasant but ultimately human discomfort, then you should read this book. Jews don't get a choice about knowing this shit, because knowing this shit is how we survive. And you NOT knowing this shit is what makes it so easy for you to dismiss and target us over and over and over again. You should be uncomfortable. You should feel guilty. Because unless you're actively learning how to disentangle yourself from the antisemitism that led to The Holocaust, then you are actively participating in thee fomentation of another. And that should horrify you.)

Sure, I bet this book is even more haunting and visceral in the original Yiddish. I've spoken recently about how hard Jewish language is to translate to English.

But there is no world in which this book will feel watered down to you.

@nonbinary-vents This book will haunt you. This book will change you. This book will challenge your faith and your ability to trust people.

Remember going in that Judaism asks us not to separate ourselves from our community--not just our Jewish community, but any community in which we find ourselves. Resist the urge this book may stir within you to become insular and fearful of goyim. That is not our way. We are a part of the communities and cultures and nations in which we find ourselves. And we must do good for those communities, because that is what we are called to do. The lesson of this book for Jews is different than the lesson of this book for goyim.

The lesson of this book for Jews -- in fact, the lesson of "Never Again" for Jews -- is that we cannot ever allow this to happen to ourselves again. No, of course, I am not blaming Jews for the Holocaust and if anyone thinks that's what I'm arguing here, then they can fuck off.

The lesson of this book for Jews is that we must never again let fear hold us back from fighting for ourselves. If he world calls upon us to die, we must refuse. Refuse to put ourselves on a list. Refuse to follow our oppressors' directions to the ghetto. Refusal to get on the train or to enter the gas chamber. And we must refuse to be silent for other people's comfort. While it is a Jewish imperative to believe that every human being is capable of kindness and has inherent goodness within them, we can never again trust that the kindness and goodness they possess will ever be directed at us. There was the very understandable thought back when this all started that if we just complied--if we were just willing to suffer a little bit by moving to the ghettos or registering on the lists of Jews the Nazis demanded or carried our papers with us at all time and wore our stars just as they said --then they would eventually realize we were good citizens. They would eventually realize we were just people like them doing their best to live quiet lives and follow the rules. People believed that, if we just complied, they'd remember their humanity and our own. If we just complied and let ourselves suffer, hen maybe our friends and loved one would be safe.

But that was a lie we told ourselves.

No amount of compliance or agree-ability or self-sacrifice will ever make someone who sees Jews as evil and subhuman realize that Jews are actually just human beings like everyone else. Compliance will never ensure our safety; it will just make us easier to kill. Compliance won't make antisemites see us as human; it will only ever make them see us -- at best -- as agreeable livestock.

(although I doubt any farmer would treat their animals as cruelly as Nazis and their supporters treated us).

I am not advocating for violence. But I advocating for discomfort and defense. That is why I am on here every day writing the things I write. I will not shut up for the comfort of people who don't care about my life or my safety. And neither should you. Neither should any of us. I will not allow antisemites to co-opt our own tragedies to demonize us further while casting themselves as warriors for justice.

No, we should not take to the streets and start harming goyim. But if the day comes that they once again start to round us up, I for one will tear those Nazis a-fucking-part with my bare hands. And if they live to have children and grandchildren of their own, they will have to explain to their children and grandchildren that they got the scars on their face and the missing eyeball because the Jew they were trying to murder wouldn't submit quietly.

And if this seems like a hyperbolic and absurd hypothetical to anyone reading this? Well, yeah. It seemed like one back then, too.

(And if any goyim chose to read "Night" by Elie Wiesel because of my post, please tell me. Please engage. I cannot be emphatic enough about this. If you are willing to read night in the way I asked of you in my post, then please do reach out to me with your experience and thoughts. Because that's the whole point. Jews need you to listen and engage with us about our own suffering. We need you to consider your impact on us and to not run away from that guilt or from us. If any of you are willing to read this book in the way that I have asked of you, please please please don't keep your experience to yourself. A lot of Jews desperately need to see goysiche growth in understanding antisemitism and its affects. I don't think you can even imagine how scared and lonely we are right now)

#ask me stuff #nonbinary-vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #deconstruction #Shoah TW #Holocaust TW #Genocide TW #I don't care about my oppressors' discomfort #Or their opinions about my own morals #If you don't care about Jewish suffering then I don't value your opinion #I live in fear of your opinion #Your opinion makes me actively endangered #your apathy makes me actively endangered #But your opinion's value is worth rat's diarrhea to me #it is nothing

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theminecraftbee · 3 months

Note

What do you use to run/install/play mods? That's always been a barrier for me; it feels complicated and stressful to get them actually running.

the good news is that THIS ISN'T HARD THESE DAYS LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT HOW TO GET MODS!

the tl;dr here is "prism launcher is really easy to use and if you are playing a modpack, the people who made that modpack have already solved the 'making sure the mods run and don't crash together' problem, modded minecraft is actually pretty easy these days".

the longer answer with detailed instructions is below the cut, i just realized the many paragraphs seemed way too intimidating, and i want to be clear that "just install prism launcher" is 99% of what you need to do to have a smooth modded minecraft experience! you probably won't need most of this instruction i just talk too much.

so, since you want an easy answer to this, i am going to give you the easy version; if anyone wants the hard version, let me know. but. okay. you are either going to want to download the curseforge launcher or prism launcher; there are also a lot of other options out there (many, like prism, being a fork of multimc), but those two are the ones i recommend and that most other people will recommend.

i STRONGLY recommend downloading the prism launcher over the curseforge launcher (which is why its the only one i've linked); while this technically supports mod creators less (because you will not view the ads on curseforge), it gives you an easier way to download mods and modpacks that are only on modrinth, and also there are Good Reasons i don't want to get into why you might not want to monetarily support curseforge more than you have to in order to play modded minecraft. if there is a modpack you use a lot or a mod you use a lot, i highly encourage going to look for if that modder/team has a patreon you can support, if you have the money to do so! this is also, if you end up getting technical enough to need it, normally the place you get your first-class support for a given mod.

i am going to continue these instructions as though you've downloaded prism launcher, because that's the one i use and know best. luckily, it's really easy!

first, install prism. next, open prism. i... cannot remember if you're given some kind of setup screen at this point; if so, follow those instructions. if not, you will be greeted with a blank screen (i cannot remember if prism by default gives you a vanilla instance, you might have that, but otherwise you'll have an empty prism window). in the top right, there is a section for selecting what minecraft account you're using; log into your minecraft account by following the prompts. you will get a microsoft security alert about a new app connecting to your account that's able to read your account while you do this; this is normal, and what you want to happen.

now is a good time to make sure that you have prism set up with the correct java version and the correct minecraft installation. the easiest way to do this is to click the "add instance" button in the top left. you will be taken to a screen with a seemingly intimidating number of options. luckily, it's not actually that hard. for now, to test your installation, just immediately click "okay", which will create a vanilla minecraft instance with no mods on the latest version of vanilla minecraft. if this runs as expected, you're all good!

if this does NOT run as expected, the problem is normally either that prism needs you to give it the correct java version or you aren't actually authenticated with mojang. these can both be solved in settings! go to the "Java" tab. there, it will show both a minimum and maximum memory allocation. first, change that maximum to a much higher number; i have it at 4096 MiB by default, but if your modpacks aren't loading or are running extremely poorly, this is often going to be the culprit. it will also show a "Java path:"; check to make sure this is pointing to a Java 17 version minimum. if it isn't, you will likely need to download java 17; oracle's website sucks i'm sorry but despite it feeling sketchy i promise it's the right place.

also i know this makes setup sound overly technical but i promise it's not; you basically just have to know where files on your computer happen to be. i am just going into overly fine troubleshooting detail, just in case.

now that you know prism is set up correctly, it's time to install your mods or modpack! if you are intimidated by getting mods to work, i highly recommend playing a specific modpack rather than a random collection of mods. however, i'll go over how to do both.

if you want to install a modpack, click the "add instance" button. this pulls you to the "new instance" screen. on the side, you'll see several options. you'll want to click either the curseforge or modrinth tab; this will bring up a menu that allows you to search either of those websites for the modpack you want. click the modpack you want, hit "Okay", and congrats! you're done! you now have the modpack with all the mods, the correct Minecraft version, and the correct mod loader installed! prism's done all that for you! just start it up!

there is a chance while doing this prism will tell you that certain mods can't be downloaded before finishing making the instance. luckily, prism also makes THAT easy; it gives you direct links to those mods so you can download them yourself, and it, by default, checks the downloads folder for mods, so literally all you have to do is click all the links and then that potential hiccup is also solved. how handy!

as a bonus feature: if you want to update this modpack later, after an update, you can do this from either the "modrinth" or "curseforge" tab in the "edit" menu of the instance. there will be a dropdown with the pack version that allows you to select a specific version for prism to automatically update the instance to!

but if you want to install specific mods, NOT a modpack--say, you want to play vanilla minecraft, but you also want to add performance mods like optifine or sodium--this requires an extra step, but is just as easy.

click the "add instance" button. this time, stay on the "custom" tab. know, before creating this instance, which version of minecraft your mods work with. because you aren't using a designated pack, you ARE going to have to know that already! additionally, you're going to need to go to the second section on the bottom for "mod loader". know whether your mods are for forge or fabric, and select whatever the recommended version is by prism of one of those. (if you aren't sure where to figure this out, basically every mod will have this somewhere on the page you download it on, and both curseforge and modrinth have specific symbols on every mod for this; the community is aware that the loader split is a pain and tries to make clear which one you're meant to use.) hit "okay", and you'll create the instance!

next, right-click that instance. click the "edit" button in the menu. you'll see a number of useful tabs, but the one you want is the "mods" tab. this will list every mod you have on that instance! you have two options from here. the easier one for most purposes is the "Download mods" button. this opens a menu just like the modpack menu from before, except it searches individual mods, not packs. you can search mods, and prism will only show them if they're compatible with your current version of minecraft. hit the "select mod for download" button on every mod you want to add to the instance, and then "review and confirm". voila; you have added mods to the instance! you can even do this with pre-existing modpacks, too, if you are playing a modpack someone else made but want to add a specific mod.

and that's it! you've downloaded your mods! if you are playing with specific mods and not a pack, you may have more compatibility troubleshooting to do, but from there that's just standard stuff, not a prism launcher problem!

if you want to get more in the weeds from there, you can, but generally, this will be all you need! the nice thing about prism and other mod launchers is that it also makes different "instances" of minecraft, each with their own installation folders, which means you should never have to worry about any instance affecting another instance, or having to add or remove mods before logging into a server, for example. just make an instance in prism that matches that server and you'll be good to go!

so this is my overly detailed instructions on how to use prism launcher! I HOPE IT HELPS!

#answered #dontsaythatillcry #HOPEFULLY THIS HELPS!!!

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venus-haze · 10 months

Text

Dawn Patrol (Homelander x Reader)

Summary: You never thought you’d see him again. Your soulmate, your other half, your partner in crime-fighting, the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It seems like the universe is giving you a second chance when you end up in this place with Homelander. Except, this one isn't quite like the man you remember, but he's not letting that stop him.

Note: Gender-neutral reader, and no descriptors are used. This is based on an anonymous request and also a different take on the “love of your life died and came back but something's wrong” horror trope. Title comes from the Megadeth song (which is about living in a dystopia). Do not interact if you’re under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: Extremely unhealthy relationship. Intense feelings of loss, confusion, and self-doubt on the reader’s part. Some elements of unreality? Homelander is extremely manipulative, possessive, and gaslights the hell out of the reader in this, but no physical harm is done. Do not interact if you’re under 18.

The man standing in front of you wasn’t John, not your John, at least. He acted strange whenever you called him that. Homelander felt so impersonal, though, a title and persona rather than the man you loved your whole life. You silently scolded yourself. You shouldn’t complain so much, not when he believed you, against all reason, despite never having met you before in this version of reality. If it were even real.

You had crumbled the first time you saw him. Weeks of being locked in a lab, poked and prodded and tested before he entered with an unfamiliar coldness. It had to have been a cruel trick, these people using your greatest vulnerability against you. John had been presumed dead for years. The ache that consumed you at his loss made it hard to even breathe sometimes, and you’d spent countless nights alone in your formerly shared bed, wracked by guilt for not doing more as you silently implored the universe to give you one more chance. You should have known it’d come with plenty of strings attached.

His name echoed through the room in a desperate howl. You strained against the titanium cuff you were chained to, and he froze upon hearing one of the links break. Rabid, desperate, tears streamed down your face in your delirium. You needed to touch him, to feel for yourself that it wasn’t your brain tricking you again. It has to be real this time.

His breath hitched as he approached you, the way animal control does a feral dog–cautious and gentle, but still regarding you with a level of distrust. Your struggle subsided with each step he took, until he was finally in arms’ reach. Looking into his blue eyes for the first time in years, your hand trembled as you lifted it to caress his cheek. Soft and warm like you’d remembered.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m your–Gemini,” you said. “‘Cause I can–”

“Make duplicates of yourself, they told me. Who are you?”

“Not here, but somewhere else, I'm your partner in, well, everything. We grew up across the street from each other,” you told him. “Your powers showed up sooner than mine, but your mom always said we were a package deal, so when we started fighting crime together, it just made sense that we’d fall in love too.”

“My mom?” he whispered.

“She was the one who came up with the name Gemini for me.”

His gaze softened, his eyes turning cloudy. You recognized that look. Deep in thought, a million miles away, the only place John wouldn’t take you. This one didn’t seem eager to do so either. Did he and his mom not get along here? Was she dead, even?

He cleared his throat. “Go on.”

“We called ourselves Dawn Patrol because we’d get up before school to do our superhero stuff, and it stuck.”

“How did you end up here, then?”

“I already told them–”

“I want to hear it from you.”

You recoiled a bit. Your story began at the end, and while you managed to tell it to a group of seemingly indifferent white coats, recounting it to the man himself, or some version of him, was almost too much to bear. Still, you pushed through.

Phantom, that’s what he called himself, selfish and conniving with the ability to teleport in the shadows and seemingly shift reality itself. He was a particular menace that you and Homelander could never quite get the upper hand on, the situation imploding when Homelander, your Homelander, tackled the supervillain mid-teleport. The last thing you saw of him was his back as he disappeared with Phantom.

No one had seen him since. Despite Phantom’s insistence that he didn’t know what happened to Homelander, you kept an irrational, unrelenting grudge against him for taking the love of your life away from you. Guilt and rage fueled you, and in your most recent, and presumably last encounter with your arch-nemesis, you made the same mistake Homelander did, and ended up wherever the hell you were.

“Either you’re telling the truth, or you’re an unprecedented liar,” he hissed through his teeth, grabbing your wrists, “but I believe you.”

A beastial imitation of your first and only love transformed before your eyes over the following weeks. In his absence, your yearning had grown teeth, long and sharp, hungry to tear through flesh and for your flesh to be torn. This new man’s rib cage cracked open to offer part of himself to recreate you. You looked into the crimson void and saw his beating heart, a long-suffering shrine to you as yours was to his, or at least some memory of him. A loneliness you were all too familiar with was already settled deep within him. Why needlessly suffer though a monastic existence any longer?

You, in turn, indulged in him. Allowed your hunger to overtake you and break your involuntary fast as you devoured him. Insatiable, your lips pressed against the skin of this stranger that nevertheless you knew by heart. In your grief, in your anger, you’d pulled him out from the ether. You wondered if you could put him back together as the man you knew he could be, bloody your hands raw clawing back the damage that had been done to him by whoever came before you.

The first few days, you tried as much, the two of you hardly letting up from your entanglement in his bed. You stared at the mirror on the ceiling, taking him in with the attentiveness of the crowds that gathered around the tragically small Mona Lisa in the Louvre. Then, in the quiet moments, in tones hardly above hushed whispered, he’d ask you questions about this other life and upbringing he never got to experience, pensive at your answers, almost bothered at times.

Most of his questions seemed to be about his parents, especially his mother. Though your phone had been returned to you, it had no signal, but you were able to show him photos. Some of the last ones of you and John together was at a Fourth of July party in his parents’ backyard. One of his aunts had taken a candid photo of you, John and his parents sitting together at one of the patio tables, smiling and laughing. You had everything documented, from weddings to birthday parties to school days. John always poked fun at you for taking the phrase “take a picture, it’ll last longer” so seriously.

Now, reflecting on these times with his other, you clung to him as you watched him swipe through this other version of himself’s life. Studying it, silently reflecting on your stories and anecdotes as if to memorize them, be able to recite them by heart.

Despite the distorted period of reunited bliss, you could tell something was off about Homelander. He talked his way around your questions about his own upbringing, never quite giving you a straight answer and occasionally snapping at you when you pressed for more details. Your eyes widened the first time he did so, heart skipping a beat or two, you couldn’t recall John raising his voice at you like that before. Homelander noticed your reaction right away, soothing you with reassurances that he wasn’t mad at you, he could never be.

It seemed like he was mad at a lot of other people, though. He’d go on long rants about people at Vought, this corporation that didn’t exist where you were from but somehow controlled so much of his life and that of every other superhero. Walking around the tower with him, you noticed the way people’s demeanors shifted when he was there, a nervous submission he seemed to bask in but made your stomach feel sour.

His attempts not to scare you, to put you at ease with the prospect of spending the rest of your life with him were never quite as successful as he hoped. The warning voice in your brain knew something was off about him. You ignored it as best you could, figuring you could manage a way to handle him and chalking it up to the loneliness he was entrenched in before you came along. One night, a rarity wherein you were alone in his suite and finally had a chance to think the situation through, you panicked, hatching a messy escape plan.

Leaving a duplicate of yourself behind in the living room, you slipped out of the suite, walking down the long hallway to the elevator. The tower was so tall that it required switching elevators to get from the top floor to the lobby, and so you made the initial descent to the 50th floor.

The ride down was excruciatingly long, and every time the elevator stopped to let someone in, you felt yourself freeze up. No one acknowledged you at any point during the descent, filtering in and out, minding their own business.

When you switched elevators, you knew you were in the home stretch. Your heart raced as you pressed the ‘L’ for the lobby, the star next to the button assuring you that the ground floor would be your ticket out of there. By the time you were on the single-digit floors, you were alone again.

At least, you were until you reached the lobby. The doors opened, revealing Homelander waiting for you behind them. You backed into the wall on the opposite side of the steel box, as if that’d do anything to protect you.

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “And where do you think you’re going?”

He entered the elevator, reaching over to press the button back up to the 50th floor. Silence for nearly twenty floors, though you were sure the sound of your rapidly beating heart was deafening to him.

Finally, you spoke. “How did you know?”

“Your duplicate’s pretty convincing, but they don’t have a heartbeat,” he said.

John had never told you that. Your duplicates were perfect copies of you, your abnormal physical strength sapped to create each one so that they could take damage from attacks in your place. It never occurred to you that they were so blatantly lifeless.

The doors opened on the 50th floor, and instead of going in the next one over to continue the ascent, Homelander pulled you into an empty office. He closed the door, darkness engulfing the room. When you reached for a light switch, he caught your wrist in his hand instead.

“If you have a problem, you talk to me about it. You do not try to fake me out and run,” he hissed. “Do you really think the fucking white coats I saved you from would just let you walk out of here? You’d end up right back in that room. All of those things that he had, the loving parents, the pretty suburban life with your childhood sweetheart that's straight out of a fucking romcom? I didn't get that because of them."

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "You didn't deserve that."

"No," he said, almost shocked at your acknowledgement of how horrific his upbringing was. "I didn't. You're here, now, though, so we're both getting what we want."

Not like this. Not you.

Yet, you were stuck with the hand you had been dealt. This corrupted imitation of the man you loved, who nevertheless was so desperate for the intense emotions you felt for him otherwise that he was willing to believe you despite all logic telling him otherwise.

The way he spoke about the people back in the lab you’d been held in, as if he knew, experienced what you did and even worse. Saved you from it. Maybe you could try. Maybe that could get you somewhere.

You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest. Being around him rendered you emotionally vulnerable. He looked just like him, and at times acted almost exactly the same. If you closed your eyes long enough, you could convince yourself it was him. How long could you go on doing that before you walked around blindly?

“Babe, did you hear a word I just said?” Homelander asked.

You looked up at him. “Got distracted, sorry.”

He rolled his eyes, the slightest smile on his face. “I’ll chalk it up to my good looks. I know you’ve been cooped up for a while, so I want you to do a team-up with me tomorrow night. It’ll be Dawn Patrol, just like old times.”

Old times? There were no old times. Not with him.

Nevertheless, you agreed. “Yeah, it’d be nice to get back out there. Haven’t done it in a while.”

“Once you’re back at it, you won’t even have to think about it, like riding a bike,” he paused for a moment, “I guess.”

His excitement the following day was infectious. You hadn’t done any crime-fighting in a long time, and doing so with him would surely help you ease into it again. He was always the best of the best, but it seemed like here, not only was he deified, but he reveled in it.

When he brought you to his superhero team’s private gym to train, he was almost shocked at how well your powers and fighting style seemed to compliment him. Elation filled your chest. Maybe you’d jumped to conclusions too soon about him. You just had to be more flexible, willing to compromise to make it work.

You were thrown off upon being presented with a crime-fighting schedule that night. A self-professed crime analytics team explained their methodology to you. When you looked to Homelander in disbelief, he seemed unfazed by the information. Being able to predict crime down to the minute just to bolster careers and social media followings seemed far from ethical, but from what little you’d learned of Vought in the weeks you’d been there, that wasn’t a concern of theirs.

Flying with him again was almost too overwhelming, bringing back memories of you and John in your teenage years. Instead of partying with your peers, the two of you would pick up fast food late on Saturday nights, sitting on suburban rooftops with your police scanner, eating burgers and listening for trouble. He’d grab you by the waist, flying off with you to stop some bad guys. Of course, people complained to your parents that you’d leave chicken nugget boxes and ketchup packets on their roofs in your haste.

By the time Homelander landed in an alley just a block away from where the crime would supposedly take place, you were crying.

“You okay? I thought you’d be used to it.”

“I am. It’s just been a while. Brought back a lot of memories.”

He smiled, kissing your forehead. “You won’t have to go so long without flying with me again. I promise, babe.”

You sniffled, giving him a weak smile. “Let’s go get some bad guys.”

“That’s the spirit!”

The next few minutes were silent as Homelander listened for the sound of a bank alarm. Late-night robbery, the crime analytics team had told you, it couldn’t be easier. You weren’t sure what time it was when Homelander grabbed you, the familiar gesture of his arm around your waist making you feel overwhelmed again.

When he landed, you could see the glass doors leading into the bank had been smashed, leaving shards of glass scattered on the sidewalk that crunched beneath your boots. There’d be three bank robbers, one lookout while the other two took what they could from the vault. You and Homelander already agreed that you’d take on the lookout and then join him in subduing the others.

You hesitated for a moment when you and Homelander split up, but you didn’t let it distract you too much. The lookout froze upon seeing you duplicate, his hand shaking as he pointed the gun between you and your temporary clone. Whichever one he shot, you’d heal fast enough, though you’d get less damage if he shot the duplicate rather than you.

His impulsiveness proved to be his downfall, as your duplicate began to walk toward him, and he pulled the trigger, nearly passing out when the clone de-materialized before him.

In his moment of distraction, you knocked the gun from his hand, grabbing a nearby desk phone and hitting him in the temple with it. You kicked the gun to the other side of the room before he could reach for it and hit him in the head again. He dropped to the ground, unmoving on the floor.

You set off to find Homelander. The vault was empty when you got there, a mess of valuable and still smoldering scorch marks in the wall where either the thieves had used explosives to break their way in, or Homelander had lasered them into oblivion. Regardless, there was no sign of anyone.

“Homelander?” you called out.

No response. You looked around frantically for any sign of him.

You couldn’t lose him again, not even this terrifying version of him. “Homelander, where did you go?”

Silence again. Your pounding heart rang in your ears as you turned around, setting off for another part of the building in hopes of finding him. There wasn’t anyone else you could count on here, and for all his faults, he was the only person you trusted.

Just when it felt hopeless and your brain was about to implode on itself at the sinking notion that maybe he was gone, a loud bang came from the other side of the bank where the vault was. You rushed over without a second thought for your own safety. Besides, the injury your duplicate had taken on your behalf was already healing. You'd do it a thousand times over if it meant keeping him safe.

Homelander stood in the middle of the previously empty vault, the two thieves knocked out, or maybe they were dead. It didn’t matter, because he clearly wasn’t.

“Where were you?” you asked, your voice cracking.

“I’ve been here the whole time.”

“No you haven’t. I came over here and there was no one. I called out for you and—“

“And what?”

“I wanna go home,” you cried, clinging to him. “Please, let’s just go home.”

He nodded, his superhuman strength allowing him to scoop you up in his arms with ease. You always felt safe in them, and you pressed your head to his chest, trying to focus on the sound of his heartbeat as he flew back to his suite at the tower.

His heart always beat faster than anyone else’s, having to maintain the life of the most powerful superhero to ever live. It was a heavy burden, though you tried your best to offset it, you sometimes felt too reliant on him. He never made you feel bad for it, neither version of him did.

You were still a bit dazed when he landed, shuffling into his living room and leaning against the back of the couch. He said he had been in the vault, but you knew it had been empty when you walked over to it. You knew what you saw.

“You did great with the lookout. I can help you train more, and we’ll try again in a few days,” he said. “I’ll get the crime analytics team to find us another softball one.”

“Homelander,” you began tentatively, “back there did you–did you do that on purpose? Disappear on me?”

“Of course not, darling, why would I do something like that after everything you've been through?” he asked, his voice soft enough that if you let yourself, you could pretend for a few moments he was your Homelander. “I told you, I was in the vault the whole time.”

“I can’t lose you again,” you said, your voice cracking. “I can’t—“

“You won’t. I’ve always been here. I love you.”

He’s lying, the voice in your head screamed, he’s not your John. There’s something wrong.

You ignored it, choosing instead to kiss him, to drown out the rational with the feeling of your lover’s lips again. You would take this Homelander over none at all. “I love you too.”

#homelander x reader #the boys x reader #homelander #the boys #the boys tv #the boys amazon #homelander x you

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lewiscarrolatemybrain · 9 months

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Took a glance at the Canon Jiang Cheng tag today out of curiosity and got a free blocklist for my trouble but I did notice something really interesting

That is to say: Most of the stans “reclaiming” the tag literally outright admitted that their main reason for liking Jiang Cheng was that he’s attractive. The vast majority of the stan posts that I saw talked about his appearance first and foremost, and the other batch admitted they were woobie-fying him. Art was either hypersexualized or soft chibi shapes and all of it focused on either his suffering or him raising Jin Ling (specifically in a way that seemed Milf-y. He was drawn with exaggerated hips a lot.)

Most interestingly, almost none of the fanart was of CQL Jiang Cheng. Almost none of the gif sets showed CQL Jiang Cheng. This was Manhua and Donghua design Jiang Cheng, sexually exaggerated and squished into an UwU Woobie Baby Sadboi shape, palatable for consumption.

I’ve long had issues with the way fandoms — and the world at large — rank characters based on visual appearance. Wen Ning is to Wei Wuxian what so many fics depict Nie Huiasang as being; his best friend and closest confidant, the person who is in his corner no matter what, who sees and supports him and stands up for him even when it’s scary. But it’s hard to picture Wen Ning as the booty-shorts-wearing white-girl-wasted gender-ambiguous party friend, so Nie Huiasang gets that roll. If Wen Qing shows up at all, she must be The Mean Lesbian, because if she’s straight then her crisp no-nonsense attitude (which is literally just the way every trauma nurse in the world acts) isn’t attractive, it isn’t fun. And of course if she IS the mean lesbian, then her vulnerability and her fear and her deep compassion and desire to help people needs to be shoved to the side, because the mean lesbian doesn’t feel those things. That’s not sexy.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. This problem isn’t unique to MDZS or Jiang Cheng Stans or anything like that. It’s a pervasive issue I’ve seen everywhere for as long as I can remember; beauty exclusively means fuckability. There are no versions of attractiveness that don’t lend themselves to sexual consumption. Beauty also means morality and value. If someone is not beautiful — that is, if you don’t want to fuck them — then they are unworthy. Characters that are extremely important to a story get either erased (if the fandom doesn’t think they’re hot) or rewritten (if the fandom does think they’re hot) because hot people can’t do bad things, or at least they can’t do bad things that aren’t kind of thrilling and exciting. Because they’re hot.

It reminds me of people who are into Slashers, actually? Although from what I’ve seen slasherfuckers are more self-aware than Jiang Cheng Stans.

Boy was that a sentence.

Update: the fun thing about this post is that it also comes with a free blocklist

#mdzs #canon jiang cheng

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bugsbenefit · 1 year

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attraction in ST

or. oh god stop stripping the show of it's themes no please no it needs those, stopppp

actually making this post now bc i'm sick of people claiming anything remotely sexual or even kissing happening to the party (an opinion that often pops up in the context of byler) in s5 would be horrible, sexualising, or out of character for the show

ST has always had a realistic approach to kids growing into their sexualities. the show's never shied away from directly addressing sex and sexual feelings so i'm honestly amazed by the extremely puritan interpretation of the show. i'm assuming, in good faith, that a big part of it is coming from people not having seen the actual show in ages and are just forgetting how explicitly the show handles sexuality. instead of just assuming it's from culturally raised christian people, who feel uncomfortable seeing any portrayal of sexuality, no matter how tasteful or realistic

i'm also saying all this as an ace person myself, i get not being into sex and not wanting to see it. however, refusing to acknowledge entire themes of a fictional show just because i don't experience them is bizarre to me. sexuality is vitally important to a lot of the characters and isn't just there to be fun(gross). essentially, ST is the opposite of porn without plot

so just as a little reminder what's actually IN Stranger Things. canonically.

sorry i had this sc for ages and wanted to include it Somewhere, so here you go. at a little starter... dorry

also this is an old draft seeing the light of day now, if anything's worded weird it's bc i didn't read all of it over again so oops, grammar hard?

TLDR: the show has never shied away from explicitly addressing sexuality. buying into the puritan fanon version of the show is going to make your s5 viewing experience worse because that show doesn't exist

season 1

we're starting the show off with Stancy, which is very sexually charged in general. (even in s4 Nancy still experiences physical attraction to Steve despite them having unchanged compatibility) the plot surrounding them in s1 explicitly focuses on Nancy having sex with Steve and later regretting that choice. the scene that everyone remembers, is of course, the "explicit" (not really, because ST is really tasteful with how it shows these teens explore themselves) sex scene

they're in sophomore and junior year of highschool here. around 15 and 16 years old - yet the show doesn't shy away from letting them figure things out. and it's not like this sexual theme is contained in only that scene. it keeps coming back the whole season as Nancy tries to sort her feelings out and deals with the aftermath of that night

also sidenote here while still at Steve and his party: even Steve's friends are very casual with their sexualities. and yes, they can even explicitly mention sex and specific sexual acts, no holding back here

Nancy's character conflict in s1 very much hinges on her sexuality and sexual themes. and it's not like there is a magic you need to be at least this old rule to know what sex is on the show like so many people seem to believe, because even 12 year old Mike seems to very much know what his sister and Steve are up to. he even goes out of his way to use it against her

iconic line! but i've seen insane takes trying to spin this into something not alluding to something sexual. i'm sorry to say if he doesn't think they're full on having sex he at least thinks they're getting very intimate with each other regardless

so not even the youngest characters on the show are "innocent and pure" the way fandom likes to claim when it comes to sexuality. and of course they aren't. real 12 year olds know what sex is, they're young not oblivious

and the following seasons make that even more obvious

season 2

as of s2 the kids are getting more involved with the sexual jokes, not just making them about other people but even being directly involved with those themes themselves. which is also realistic. with 13 sexuality starts to get thrown your way by every possible form of media. lots of them start developing crushes, have no idea how relationships work, etc. it's messy, typical teens thrown into the dating game. (i say all of this from a developmental media psychology perspective thanks uni and not personal experience sorry lmao, i'm a bit too ace to have my own input here)

s2 features comedic and awkward mentions of sex(ual activity) towards Lucas and Max,

older peers giving their 13 year old friends well meant advice on how relationships work,

and has even younger characters play around with attraction/kissing/love as well, which is incredibly normal for kids to do at that age

they're all young and the show treats growing up realistically. while the theme of attraction or sexuality gets more relevant for them (in scenes that are often received with awkwardness by the characters themselves) the show offers them safe territory to stand on. none of them are directly confronted with sexuality and are instead offered people to seek advice from for example

meanwhile the sexuality theme for the older kids is still very much explicit. just as Nancy's arc is still heavily tied to her romance and sexuality (which ties into her non conformity themes - she's an ambition driven person trying to escape the culdesac life first and foremost)

not only do we get another sex scene (this time with a cut away), there's also explicit jokes about it after

sexuality on the show is continuously awkward and messy. Jonathan and Nancy are only 16-17 here - no one really knows what they're doing or what the right way to go ahead is and Jonathan rightfully almost does a spittake here. out of pocket Murray

sexuality. is. awkward. (we get is s2 thanks)

season 3

s3 gets even more explicit with it's awkward puberty sexuality themes

from Dustin talking about how much he likes kissing Suzie (and her liking him not having teeth for it?) which weirds Steve out to the repeating, awkwardly received, "happy screams joke" (which gets a callback in later scene)

sexuality is still awkward for them. it's a realistic approach to what 14 year olds act like and know. they're actively dating by now, they're kissing people And have messy relationship situations. all while still acknowledging knowing what sex and attraction is, duh, of course they know that. but i'm explicitly pointing it out because i see obscene amounts of people claiming the characters are completely sheltered and even implying that they know what sex is would be gross. to that i say, do you not remember being 14???

and while i'm at s3, also let it be mentioned that even the adults are suffering at the hands of the sexuality theme here. Hopper's hookups with random women are focused on in s1, but now that he's getting closer with Joyce they get very explicitly told to just have sex. literally

not putting the whole dialogue in here, i already have too many images because there's so many sex mentions in this show and he really just tells them their mating ritual is painful and they should tear their clothes off and fuck right now

thanks Murray, always insightful

season 4

and s4 has stopped just confronting the kids with the existence of sexuality, but is tentatively starting to explore mature themes more directly - which allows them to tentatively start exploring their own sexualities instead of just having to acknowledge the general concept of sexuality

Max gets to ogle shirtless Steve

Lucas has something under his bed that's never confirmed as anything except "100/10 gross" but had 90% of the audience i saw immediately assume something sexual (magazines or the like)

and has a bunch more direct nudges, from the kids "experimenting sexually" as Murray says

to Argyle explicitly telling Jonathan he needs to have sex with Nancy again

to Hopper and Joyce's escalating make out in a church while shirtless

to visual innuendos (i'm looking at you hose scene. this one wouldn't be such a big deal if there wasn't a genuine moral panic about it last year. which was crazy. people literally had to pretend the scene didn't exist to escape the witchhunting mobs, except instead of being killed for magic it'd be for looking at a canon scene and acknowledging it. crazy times - aside from that there's also more visuals you can take as innuendos in s4e1 which there's already posts about out there so i'm not getting into them here, i'm more focused on the overt textual references)

to Yuir extensively talking about pleasing women and making them cum (I'm sparing you from that, the sc in at the top was already enough)

to explicit graffities all over the place, like here as an example "give me head until i'm dead" which is in frame for the whole phone call and Steve talking about his bitchlesness. and is also some of the only easily legible text (i hope this is readable, most of my screenshots kind of died a bit so maybe you need to look at an actual clip to see the text)

that is aside from the "DRUGS" poster which touches on another point s4 makes. the show doesn't just explore sexuality, it also puts the kids into more mature situations in general (not talking about the deaths, this is a horror show), specifically drugs

Jonathan uses weed as a coping mechanism the whole season and Eddie even sells the stuff in full bags (insane weed selling practices btw, even i know that). Chrissy (17-18) wants to do weed and ketamine. and we also see Lucas (14) hungover after drinking at a party for the first time

the show does not shy away from portraying realistic teen experiences

Murray called s4 very well, the kids pound some bears, smoke some ganja, play nintendo, and experiment sexually

literally. you have drinking, weed, and confusing queer sexualities. they took this list step by step

and all of those pretty normal things teens tend to explore. and i say that as someone who was decidedly not into those things. the ace experience is a bit different, but i can still acknowledge how that period was like for my allo friends and people in general

there is an extreme push in this fandom to reject any form of sexual jokes or references in the show, made mostly by people being uncomfortable with portrayals of sexuality. however, the themes not only still exist, they're also very prominent throughout all 4 seasons and are important to a lot of the characters directly

and it's also noteworthy here to see how ST approaches it's sexuality theme. it grows with the characters. starting out as jokes and being received with awkwardness to slowly letting them figure things out on their own time and turns. an extremely realistic progression and very common for coming of age narratives such as ST. it's a far cry from shows exploring sexuality or sexual themes for the sake of the viewers enjoyment like Euph0ria (don't want it to show up in tags)

based on what we currently know s5 could very well be taking place in 1988 or later which would place the party at around 16-17 years old. going into the season with the fanon version of the show that is completely clean and non sexual will 100% set you up for disaster

ST is very realistic and non exploitative with it's exploration of teen sexuality so there is obviously nothing to worry about in the sexualization department, that's just puritan fear mongering. however, it's very likely that we're going to get more than holding hands or pecks on the lips from the characters that are now older than characters we've explicitly seen hook up before. there could be more intimate scenes or making out, yes. but there's also at least one basically guaranteed vulgar joke in there, all seasons have them

there's no real theorizing or speculation about s5 here, anything could happen and i'm not placing bets, i want the characters narratives to be wrapped up well first and foremost and trust the writers to do it well. however, going into s5 with some of the mindsets i've seen circulating on here and expecting the show to be "clean" and cater to a version of it that's never existed outside of purified fandom could genuinely make you feel blindsided by the shows canon themes

not targeted at anyone or anything specifically, just using this as a bit of a reality check of what the show is actually like after recently rewatching all of it in one go

#stranger things #you see people here get attacked for harmless kissing fics bc it's 'too sexual' meanwhile the canon show has teens explicitly having sex #the contrast is just crazy #lets not pretend half the show doesn't exist just bc it makes you uncomfortable #byler #because it's Relevant in that tag lmao #finally posting this older one (i'm even tagging it bc i'm so brave) since we're finally starting to be able to talk about the show like #you'd talk about any other show normally #and we're ignoring the puritans #sure why not talk more about the canon show

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fairycosmos · 3 months

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my ex girlfriend died a month ago. i've always found a lot of peace and recognition in what you've written about your grief but especially now, losing someone so young and who's bound to you in a different way than anyone else you've lost has been hits different and i get that now. she was 24. sending you lots of love and know that your presence on here has brightened my current darkness

i'm so so sorry to hear this. the one thought i consistently have about grief is that there are no adequate words to describe or comfort it, but still, i'm so sorry. i know exactly how unbearable it is, especially when it's still all so extremely raw and fresh. you just have no clue how you're going to get through it, and honestly you don't have to. focus on getting through minute by minute. this must be so awful for you and everyone who knew her - 24 is really no age at all. you're right, it's a very specific type of mourning. it's the hardest thing in the entire fucking world honestly. nothing really helps but if you can talk about it - whether it's with a friend, a grief counsellor, whoever - or write about it, then that sometimes enables you to process things a little more clearly. and with a smaller sense of loneliness. i sincerely hope you have good people around you who can help you through this, and that with time you're able to come up with small ways to honour her memory and keep her presence alive. at the moment i'm working on trying to find more ways to keep my sister around - like dedicating a plaque on a bench to her, and trying not to numb myself to the memories i have with her. which is hard, because it's so difficult to remember her. but i'm trying to keep her here and let her be felt everywhere, and i hope you find your version of that too. your ex was incredibly lucky to have been loved by you and you by her, and i'm glad you got to experience that, even if the inverse of that love is this. if you'd like to talk about her or discuss some of your favourite memories with her when you're ready, or even just talk about something entirely unrelated to the grief/her, please drop me a message any time. i'm glad me being open about my own grief has allowed you to find some sense of recognition and catharsis. i'm going to leave some resources for you to come back to as far as daily coping mechanisms go - they may be useful, they may not be, god knows they're certainly not a cure to the immensity of what you're going through - but they'll be there for you if you ever feel like you're truly at your wits end. sending so so much love back your way. i will be thinking of you and your ex girlfriend and keeping you both in my heart. x

bereavement and grief self-help guide / coping with grief and loss pdf / coping with grief pdf / healthy vs unhealthy coping mechanisms for grief / strategies to cope with grief / death is nothing at all by henry scott holland (a poem i come back to)

#aestetikeren-genfoedt

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m00nchildwrites · 2 months

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There is so much discourse over the Netflix Live Action, and a lot of it I find annoying BUT one of the main ones for me is people going on about the natla writing by claiming that they are "telling" more than "showing". Yet, in the same post, they are missing the point of some of the interactions between the characters by focusing only on the told instead of the complexity hidden between the lines in many cases. These actors are actually amazing. I'm beyond impressed with all of them tbh. But let me explain what I'm talking about with one example. There are so damn many, but I'm just going to point out one right now.

I see a lot of people's takes on the Natla Bumi as a grown man taking his anger out on a child and being extremely ooc, which shows that these people are only focusing on the obvious and- to channel Kakashi from Naruto- not looking beneath the underneath. While natla Bumi is different than the OG show, I personally like this version of Bumi. He feels more "real" while still feeling like Bumi. He is angry. He is angry and hurt to discover that it was his close friend who had been the Avatar. The Avatar that disappeared. The Avatar that ran and hid and let the war happen. People have to realize that this interaction is how Bumi finds out not only that his childhood friend that he thought was murdered all those years ago was alive this whole time, but that it was he who had the power to stop all of the terrible things that had happened since from happening. Of course, he is mad. Mad and hurt. He likely feels abandoned by his friend as well.

He is all of those things, but I feel like people are missing what else is going on.

Bumi was also trying to force Aang, who was a child of only 12, to realize what it would mean to be the Avatar that the world needed at that moment in time after 100 years of war. He is doing it from a place of hurt and anger and tiredness, and absolutely handling it the wrong way. BUT this Natla Bumi is way more believable as a real person than the exaggeratedly goofy and cartoonish character was in the OG.

Bumi in the Netflix Live Action was trying to teach Aang: "This is what it means to be the Avatar. This is the kind of hard choices you will have to make- that the world needs you to make." He clearly realized that his friend was essentially frozen in time. A fact that is alluded to when he asks him how he remained unchanged all these years. Bumi already knows the truth and is teasing him to hint that he is aware. This is disguised as a taunt because they are not alone in the room, and because the White Lotus is all about subtle messages to get their point across. I mean, they use pai sho to send messages for crying out loud, but I digress.

The point is that he knows Aang is still the same kid he knew all those years ago. He knows Aang is not ready to be what the world needs right at that moment. He knows Aang is still too innocent and idealistic. He might be acting mean to Aang, but let's not forget Bumi is in the White Lotus, and know he is not being mean without reason. He knows what he is doing and hopes that by trying to force Aang to "wake up" and see the reality of the world and his role, maybe Aang will be better prepared for what must come. The scene with the roof collapsing and Bumi trying to make Aang choose who to save just exacerbates this lesson. That clearly reads as him trying to get Aang to push himself, perhaps to the use of the Avatar state, but if nothing else, to the point of hardening enough with resolve needed to face the difficult choices that Bumi (& everyone else) knows must be made. IE Aang must kill the Fire Lord to end this war. After all, energy bending is not known, remember? The death of the Fire Lord by the hands of the Avatar is the only way the war can end, and Bumi, King of Omashu and White Lotus member, knows this. Just as he knows sweet and innocent Aang of his childhood is not ready to be the battle harden Avatar the world needs, but he has to be. Thus, Bumi tries to push Aang into that readiness in a way he thinks is right.

And, let's not forget how OG Bumi put creeping crystal on 2 kids and let it slowly grow to the point of almost suffocating them. But no one questions that OG Bumi was always good and that he was trying to teach Aang a lesson in the original show, and never intended to let Katara and Sokka be suffocated to death. Right? Right.

Of course, in the end, in the Netflix Live Action, Aang is the one teaching Bumi the lesson. The lesson that the Avatar doesn't have to do this task alone. Bumi had seen so much in his years that he forgot what it meant to have a friend at your side to face things with, and that is what we watch Aang remind him of.

In sum, people watch the OG characters do some of the same things that they are mad about in the Netflix LA, and yet they give the OG characters the benefit of the doubt that it was meant well while demonizing the NATLA version for doing essentially the same kind of thing. So either people's watching literacy has decayed since the OG show

People are so dead set on hating on the Live Action and any other adaptation, and it never actually mattered how much was put into it because they are always going to find something to hate about it.

And people wonder why we haven't been given more ATLA content... 🙄

#natla #natla spoilers #atla bumi #atla #atla aang #aang #bumi

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absolutebl · 10 months

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This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.)

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?)

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested.

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword... My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. *

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must.

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE.

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below.