#the simpler answer is just that i need to keep working hard and getting better

[marxism-lelouchism]

it feels bad and kind of attention-seeking to desperately need external validation to live and while i do genuinely treasure every kind word i've ever received, it also feels impossible for me to internalize any praise and actually believe it, leading me to again need more positive encouragement, which makes me feel not just attention-seeking but also like an ingrate to the people who have been supportive... i want to believe in the me that my friends believe in, but unfortunately there is a part of me that believes even more so that if i were really good enough then my work would speak for itself and i wouldnt need to ask for validation

#🌱 #anyway I know there are plenty of reasons raging from luck to structural factors why some works don’t get the recognition that others do #but it seems disingenuous and arrogant and simply…not true to posture myself as some kind of unrecognized or underappreciated talent LMAO #it’s really not that serious anyway #the simpler answer is just that i need to keep working hard and getting better #regardless i do really treasure all the kind words ive ever gotten #each word made its way into my heart where it matters

[howtofightwrite]

How can I write a fight scene with opponents who are not just extremely capable fighters but extremely cunning and resourceful. Who adapt and the fight is never just about physical skill.

There isn't a single correct answer to this question. One common, and effective, solution is by breaking or countering a fighter's tricks.

One way to establish a character's skill in combat is to give them some specific tricks that they'll employ in a fight. Of course, having typed that, now the only specific example that comes to mind is The Operative's nerve strike from Serenity (which is, unfortunately, a terrible example for this conversation.)This is usually something like a character having a hidden weapon, or a specific method of disarming their foe. When you're using this method, letting another character hard counter their trick can instantly inform the audience that this character is far more dangerous than they initially appear.

In a very abstract sense, you can think of combat as characters having an array of actions available to them. Skilled combatants are likely to have a much wider range of options, options that are better tailored to the situation they're in, and in some cases, options that are specifically designed to counter things an opponent would attempt to use on them. Unskilled characters are likely to have a bunch of options mixed in that are either completely useless, actively detrimental, or both, with no idea which ones those are. For example: Every backyard wrestling video ever.

When you're looking at inexperienced characters, in that context, they'll attack their opponent, and then either act again if their opponent is unable to retaliate, or their foe will act against them. I will criticize writing combat as turn based, but with characters like this, it can be helpful to understand how they're operating. When you have experienced fighters, they have the ability to immediately respond to what their foe is doing. This doesn't always mean, directly countering their opponent's attack, sometimes it can mean they'll use their foe's action as an opportunity to get in.

Now, that's the abstraction, a lot of this does have some relation to the real world. Experienced fighters will have trained, and honed their responses into their muscle memory. They won't need to think about what they're going to do, they'll simply, “go.” Inexperienced, and untrained fighters will have their minds cluttered up with things they've seen in action movies, and they'll need a moment to filter through what's on their mind, and they won't have the background of knowing (either through instruction or experience) what will or won't work. So they need a moment, and then they'll try to do something.

This leads into the biggest problem for you, which is, combat between experienced fighters is fast; but, if you're writing prose, your ability to control the speed of a scene is limited. You can speed the reader up by keeping the text as spartan as possible, but it can also result in a very perfunctory, and unsatisfying, fight scene. This is part of why there's an appeal to the simplistic, “character has some combat tricks, antagonist can counter them,” structure. It can quickly convey that idea without getting too far into the weeds.

Now, one piece of bad news is the bit about how inexperienced and untrained fighters will have a lot of, “junk,” options floating around. This is also a problem for writers staging fight scenes. If you have absolutely no experience with combat, it can be pretty difficult to realize when some of those options that seem viable to you, simply wouldn't work. There is some range of forgiveness, after all if you think it should work, and can stage it out, maybe you can convince your readers that it would work, but it is something to be cautious of. A lot of the simpler, “can you do X?” questions we field tend to be cases where either that is something that works, it's similar to something that works, or it really doesn't work. Knife throwing comes to mind as one we've discussed repeatedly over the years. (It's a cool party trick, but not a great idea in a fight.) But, if you can write a scene where stabbing someone through the eye with an arrow is believable, it doesn't really matter that doing so is nearly impossible. So, even if you do run with some options that wouldn't really work, it doesn't mean that your fight scene won't.

One other piece of advice, that might first sound like a non-sequitur, it's okay for you to take breaks. Yes, your characters are fighting each other, and they're a fraction of a second away from being murdered in the most horrific ways possible, but you have the luxury of sitting back and really thinking about what their options are. Just because they could make those choices in the moment doesn't mean that you need to be just as fast.

-Starke

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#writing reference #writing advice #writing tips #how to fight write #starke answers

[sophieinwonderland]

trying to make sense of a little phenomenon me and my headmate have, but we need to elaborate some background first. i attribute my "self" to the right side of the body, and the left side of the body is their "self". when we're awake we're pretty blended, but it's easier to differentiate when we're about to fall asleep.

we almost exclusively sleep on our sides & tummy. when we're lying down on our left, it's a lot easier to feel my sense of self & presence (since we assume left side of brain has control of the right side's motor functions, and blood pools down to that side), and it's a lot easier for them to be in front when we lie down on our right. is there any sort of science or ideas you could extrapolate from this, or is it probably just something that we have the cause-and-effect of backwards?

Honestly, it's hard to know.

Personally, I would love to speculate that some headmates may be located more in one side of the brain than others. That would be really cool. Especially if we could study this and find correlation between where a headmate feels like they're located and different traits. For example, the left side of the brain is more associated with verbal working memory while the right is more associated with spatial working memory. Could we extrapolate this and say headmates that feel like they're based more in one region of the brain might be associated with those traits?

Like, if someone is better connected to the right side of the body and thus the left hemisphere of the brain, does that mean they might do better with verbal working memory while having a deficiency in spatial?

That would really cool if true, and a fascinating look at how headmates work and...

I'm probably getting ahead of myself.

Because the much simpler explanation for this phenomena is that this is just purely psychological with you attributing yourselves to each side. I've heard the term "partive" used to describe a headmate that feels like a body part. And this could be something similar, with you each just feeling connected to half the body for one reason or another, and then laying on one side just acts as a placebo trigger because you expect it to.

I am fascinated by split brain syndrome and its implications on plurality. But I'm also aware of the power of suggestion, and how different headmates may feel connected to different parts of the brain and body, or even external physical objects.

I would LOVE for the theory to be true and learn some headmates can be connected to one side of the brain, and that this could affect their functionality. I firmly believe it's something that could be possible.

But sadly, we just don't know yet if the psychological feelings of being based in one part of the brain or one side of the body actually corresponds to any sort of neurological reality.

Which, I'll confess, kind of sucks as someone who is interested in this sort of thing. I hate the not knowing. I hate that we may never get the answers we want in our lifetimes because psychology doesn't deem them important enough, and because worthwhile brain scans are too expensive.

Thanks for sharing though. It is something really fun to ponder even if we can't give you any answers. And we'll never be able to answer questions if we don't start asking them first. So keep asking and stay inquisitive! 😁

#plural #plurality #pluralgang #psychology #neuroscience #science #neurology #actually plural #endogenic #multiplicity #systems #system #plural system #endogenic system #pro endo #pro endogenic #sysblr #system stuff #actually a system

[typically-untypical]

Nobody talks about how Logan has begun to drink a concerning amount of alcohol in recent episodes. Maybe a fic about his new found coping mechanism?

You my dear anon are a person of a discerning palate. I have been thinking about this for a while but didn't think about writing anything on it. Apparently, I had a lot to say though because this fic ended up being a little over 2.7k

That being said there are a lot of Content Warnings: Alcohol Abuse, Violence, depression, isolation, and self-hatred, so everyone please read with caution!

PS to my Tag list: Sorry I didn't tag y'all in all of the other ones I've posted this week, I wasn't using my own computer so I didn't have easy access to the list!

Logan didn’t have a problem. A problem would constitute that it was affecting him in ways that were unexpected. Logan knew exactly what he was doing, exactly how it was affecting him, and exactly what the outcomes would be. He was logic, and he was smart enough to make the choices that needed to be made to make him most efficient. His new founding coping mechanism might be less than healthy but addictions were tied to emotional triggers, and he was Logic, he didn’t have emotions. He wasn't addicted and the moment that this wasn't the most logical option for processing his stressors he would stop.

He would have no problem stopping.

Looking down at the empty bottle of wine that sat on his desk, Logan sighed, pushing himself out of his chair. He was desperately trying to lie to himself. Even he wasn’t convinced it hadn’t become problematic. He was spiraling, and Logan was aware of it. It used to be that a single glass at the end of the day would help his frayed nerves but now he was drinking at least a bottle a day, if not more. Whatever it took to keep himself from feeling the world around him. He wasn't supposed to feel. He just wanted to be numb.

Numb was so much easier than the screaming echoes in his head. 

With a snap, Logan cleaned up his room, looking around what used to be a calming place for him. At one time his room had been his pride and joy, awards from childhood, Thomas' diploma, everything that Logan had worked hard to build. Now it was a monument to his failures, a life they could have had that was abandoned along with him.

After cleaning up his room, Logan had to sit back down. That was a lot of energy for someone not completely sober, and a lingering thought in the back of his head told him that he had earned another glass of wine but he could feel that maybe he needed a glass of water, just this once. Cleaning up his room felt like giving himself a new perspective. He summoned himself a water, sipping at it lightly. It was nice to have everything looking so clean, it was relaxing. It made him feel better to have the area looking clean again after so long. There was a small bit of hope in him that maybe he could keep his room clean, but he knew it wouldn't last. It wasn't just the bottles, it was his mental state, the things he was constantly trying to pretend that he wasn't feeling. However, maybe for just a little bit longer he could pretend like everything was okay, like he wasn’t being ignored, like his function hadn’t been relegated to ‘comic relief’, like he had actually found his answers at the bottle of the bottle. 

Time wasn't kind. He couldn't sit there in his world of fantasy much longer. Despite all of the turmoil in the mindscape, Patton had been trying to maintain movie night, a tradition that had started when they had accepted Virgil. Things had felt simpler back then. Watching Big Hero 6 with everyone else after Virgil had convinced Roman that his choice sucked, had been entertaining. Now, everything was strained. Patton let Roman get away with everything he wanted, Virgil was on the Prince's side, and Logan was left to fend for himself, if he wanted to fight at all. Honestly, he had a feeling all of this was going to fall apart. The sooner the better, he didn't want to have to deal with the three of them but he continued to out of obligation. It served no purpose for Thomas to continue to fight himself. In what little ways he could, Logan wanted to support Thomas' growth as a person, even if it meant he got left behind. 

“Hey Logan!” Patton said with a smile that looked a bit forced. He was trying his best, but they all knew it wasn’t enough. As Logan looked at the fatherly side he could only see the panicked look of frustration and fear as he hit the "Skip All" button, as he shoved aside Logan's commentary.

“Patton,” he responded with a nod, sitting down on the couch in the same spot he always took. He didn't want to add to the stress Patton had been experiencing. Logan was trying to be the best logic he could be, he wanted to support everyone's mental health, he had been trying to change, but it didn't feel like enough. 

He could already feel his buzz wearing off and he rubbed his temples, debating on if he was going to try to make it thought movie night as he continued to grow more sober, or if he was going to continue on his bad habit? Roman was glaring at Patton, refusing to say a word to him. Virgil refused to make eye contact all together and Logan felt his headache grow. “You look awful, nerd.” Roman had always been like this, he pushed and teased and did whatever he wanted. He said cruel things not because he was cruel but because he had so little of a filter. HE was more like his brother than he realized sometimes. Normally, Logan just let it brush off his shoulders, much like he brushed off Remus' morning star but today... he just couldn't handle it anymore. He conjured himself a glass of wine, sipping at it slowly. He didn't want to feel anymore.

As Roman put on a movie, Logan could feel Patton staring at him. Logan was sure that Patton was judging him, silently trying to figure out how to bring up the conversation without being rude. Well the joke was on him, that wasn't possible, not if he wanted to get the information he thought it was so important he needed. Logan ignore him, just like everyone else had been doing to him. At least, he did until he had finished his glass and Patton continued to stare. At that point it was just annoying. “Is there something you need?” Logan snapped, eyebrow raised, irritation written into every harsh crease on his face.

Patton hesitated, if he had any good sense about him he would drop it, but of course he didn't. Logan knew only a few of the sides had brain cells and Patton wasn't one of them... maybe he was being to harsh... no, after everything that had happened Patton deserved worse, and it wasn't as if he was saying any of this out loud. "You've been drinking a lot of wine recently, are you... are you enjoying it?" He chickened out of the question he was going to ask. Of course he did, it was Patton. 

"This was a decent vintage, I have it simulated from one of Thomas' memories." 

"Oh, well... I'm glad you are enjoying it. You should be careful not to drink too much though, it's not healthy for you."

Logan looked at Patton, eyebrow raised. "Patton we are metephisical beings, drinking doesn't even make us drunk unless we choose for it to do so." He stated, waving his hand as if that fact was obvious.

"Well... it's um... it's just unlike you kiddo."

“First of all, I'm not your child, and second of all, I am allowed to pick up new habits as they suit me.” If Patton wanted to continue to dance around his point, the Logan wasn't going to entertain him and give him the information he wanted. 

And apparently Patton wasn't going to ask. “Yeah, you're right, I just... I wanted to make sure you were aware of the change. You know sometimes we start picking up habits and we don't even realize it."

"Leave the nerd alone," Roman called, "If he wants to drink let him drink." Logan was both thankful that Roman cut in and frustrated.

He was aware, he was drowning and all the three of them could do was push him aside as they continued their next fight. Roman came to his defense, but he was completely ignoring the fact that Logan needed help. Silence once again fell over the room, the only sound being that of the TV in front of them. The wine in Logan's stomach churned and the itch to grab something stronger ran up his spine. There was a part of him that was thankful Patton had dropped the subject, a part of him that was thankful Roman had stopped their conversation. He didn’t want to talk about the unhealthy nature of his coping mechanism and all of the other things he already knew. He just wanted to be left alone. However, there was another part of him desperately crying out, begging for someone to notice he was in trouble and needed help. He was desperate for the care which might make him break and truthfully answer the question Patton refused to ask. “I’m very much aware," He answered, gripping the side of the couch. How could he not be?

He was aware he had a problem; he was aware he needed help, but the numbness was so much more preferable to the pain. Loud intrusive thoughts plagued him during the day, and if he didn’t self mediacate, they would almost assuredly win. What was a side to do when they realized that they were no longer a useful part to the human they cared for? He needed to cope more than he needed to stop himself. He wasn't willing to admit the truth that waited for him in sobriety. 

No one was going to offer him a helping hand, so he was going to do what he needed to do.

The quiet was no longer the calm of a movie night but the tenseness from an unfinished conversation. Patton was fidgeting and Roman and Virgil eventually looked back at the two of them. There was something in both of their eyes that Logan couldn't pin point, but he wasn't comfortable under their gaze. “I will be returning to my room.” He stood up, pushing himself from the couch, maybe that wine had been a little stronger than he thought. It was fine, he could continue to pretend, he had a lot of practice in it. Honestly, he was thankful to have an excuse to leave anyway. He hadn’t come down to be judged, and he had no intention of staying here if all they wanted to do was stare at him and make him feel guilty for the way he was coping with the pain they caused. 

He swayed a little bit as he reached the top of the stairs, hand on the wall to keep himself up. It didn't feel like they were staring anymore, maybe this was just one more time that they wanted to get rid of him. He summoned a bottle, drinking a heafty swig before disappearing it.

He was fine. Everything was fine.

The world was spinning, but he had nothing else to do tonight. He didn't have to work and he could just slip into unconsciousness. As he entered his bedroom, he found the whole floor covered in empty bottles, glasses, any kind of container that had once held alcohol. What was more, he knew each one, the bottle he had just drank from a moment ago was sitting on his desk. They were all staring at him, mocking him and he recoiled, hand on the door handle. He had just cleaned his room, all of this should be cleaned, instead in was meticulously placed as if to mock him. Was he really so drunk that he was starting to hallucinate? He knew he had a problem, he just didn't think it had gotten this bad.

“Hello Chemisty Solution, get it? Cuz that’s what you smell like.” Remus was laying on his bed, looking at him. There was a smirk outlined on the chaotic man's face. He didn’t normally have issues with Remus but after the incident with Thomas’ schedule…. After one more person had helped him be pushed away!

“Out,” He growled. Logan snapped to get rid of the bottles, but they didn’t move. This had to be some fuckery that Remus was pulling to prove a point. Fine, Logan would just do it the old fashion way. He began picking them up one by one.

“Now where is the fun in that?” Remus watched him like a hawk, this was the exact reason that Logan had left the Movie night. He didn’t need to be judged. He wanted to cope in peace where no one else could give their two cents into how he could fix a problem they caused. “Y’know, Jannie says you are going to come to your sense and reach out for help, but I think he underestimates how stubborn you are, so I’m taking over.”

Why should he reach out for help from a prince who never listened to him, an emo who called him the least favorite, a father who refused to listen to anyone's voice other than his own, a gremlin who wanted him to suffer, or a snake who benched him? Why would he reach out to any of them?!

“Get Out,” Logan stated again, frustration and anger pouring over him as he fought to grab one of the bottles that was sitting on his floor. Bending down like that was hard, he almost lost his balance but he refused to lose his dignity in front of Remus. He refused!

“Nah, I’m here to stop you and force you to look at the consequences of your actions or some shit.” Remus was acting nonchalant, laying in the bed as if this were a normal conversation between friends but he didn't get that privilage. 

Logan could feel his blood boiling, his anger pouring off of him in waves as he threw a bottle towards Remus’ head. He shouldn't have done that, but the anger felt so good. The bottle shattered next to Remus and Logan could feel his body getting hot. “You don’t get to play the hero when you are part of the problem!” Logan went to grab another bottle, ready to throw it again, but Remus wasn’t on the bed anymore. Instead, he stood in front of Logan, holding onto the other man’s wrist tightly. He was stopping Logan from expressing his anger, stopping him from lashing out but this was the most he had felt in weeks. He wanted the anger, because it was the only emotion that didn't leave him feeling like a gaping hole had been shot through his chest. He didn't want to see the pity in Remus’ eyes.

“I want you to go crazy," Remus' voice was surprisingly calm and quiet, "but this isn’t what I meant. You need to throw that anger somewhere where it will be constructive, or you’re just going to get consumed by your own flames.” No, he didn't get to lecture Logan. He didn't get to try to be a savior.

Logan fought and struggled against Remus hand. He didn’t want to hear this. He had been fighting alone for so long, when he was hurt no one reached out to him. He wasn't going to lay down his weapon just because someone was finally acknowledging that there was a problem.

"Remus, let me take over." That was Janus, his voice also smooth and calm as Logan felt Remus disappear. Janus took his place, but he led Logan's hand down, no longer raised in a form of aggression. "I'm sorry Logan," He whispered, and for a brief moment Logan almost felt like he was going to get the apology he wanted, but instead, Janus continued. "This is going to hurt, but you need to let yourself feel all of it."

Suddenly the buzz and the anger were gone, instead replaced by everything both had been trying to mask. Tears began pouring down Logan's face as he almost collapsed to his knees, caught by Janus' other arms.

"Please, I don't want to feel, I don't want..."

"I know," Janus cooed quietly, "But you need to. If you are going to get over this, you are going to have to feel all of the pain you've been hiding."

Logan collapsed into Janus' chest, his legs having already given out.

"Please, I don't want to feel anymore."

Tag List: @simplestoryteller @fantasticfangirl21 @joylessnightsky @melaniidarling

#Untypical Creations #Sanders Sides #Sanders Side fic #Fanfic #Logan Sanders #Patton Sanders #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Remus Sanders #Janus Sanders #alcohol abuse #Depressed Character #Violence #Logan Angst

[lookslikethatsallthetimewehave]

l'm no child psychologist, so l'm just guessing here:

The devs probably believe that kids today would just be running around the map, clicking random stuff and not knowing what to do. When they do make progress by doing such, they wouldn't know how to find the next story beat. Then they'd get frustrated at the "boring game" and quit. If they had something to guide them, like a push in the right direction, maybe they would know how to play it.

But Poptropica already does that indirectly. Character dialogue, setup of the map, the story leads you to complete the game. It's especially true for the simpler islands. Overall they don't tell you when you'll complete the island, and imo they shouldn't. That's like doing a word search with the answers already underlined.

It takes patience, a whole lot of patience. I can see some good in a progress bar (keeping track of how much you've completed)... but the map already does that! And they don't spoil the island by turning it into a string of side quests!

Simplifying the puzzles also feels like assuming your audience doesn't have the patience and the willpower to complete them. Yea most popular video games among kids now are straightforward and quick to learn. But the thing is, those games aren't puzzles. Puzzles are meant to be challenging, to encourage problem solving. This was why Poptropica was considered an educational game in the first place!

(Also, we already have a lot of running “easy” islands that new players can complete swiftly. There’s no point to nerf the “hard” islands, the ones known for being difficult, to be “beginner-friendly”)

TL;DR I do get wanting to give everyone a fair chance without having to look up tutorials, but basically (unnecessarily) child-proofing and watering down the game as a whole is... kinda insulting to newcomers.

(Sorry for the long send again)

You hit the nail right on the head. Now the nail hurts.

I mean, I guess I could see why they think kids nowadays need the hand-holding. They use TikTok, they're probably not that smart /hj

But yeah, you're 100% right. The fact that Poptropica is a problem solving game is what made so many people love it. The user got to run around and figure out clues and items that they will deduce for themselves how and where to use them. Kids love being able to figure things out on their own, figuring things out on their own is one of the things that makes games like Poptropica so much fun.

And the fact that there were islands back in the day that offered a real challenge, like Mythology, Skullduggery, Steamworks, etc shows that they respected children's intelligence.

I don't know much about what kids like nowadays (except for toy reviews, weird meme videos and the like, based on what my 10 year old cousin watches), but the least people can do is just... try to give them something that has actual substance XD

Not only that, but the newer islands don't have a lot of room for the user to run around. Some of them only have three areas. And even some of the older islands that only had a few areas, there was still plenty to do.

You wanna know what I think? I think because it takes longer to make islands now, due to Flash being gone and the limited amount of people working at Poptropica due to layoffs and whatnot, that's most likely one of the contributing factors to this new change of pace. I get the feeling that if they had more people and money, things might get better. But that's just my two-cents.

#thanks for this :) #ask #poptropica #poptropica discussions

[allykakamatsu]

You can do that correct?

Text: If you wish to save her, to save all of Fontaine, all you have to do is kill me. That shouldn't be too hard for the former Graceful Assassin, correct?

Small writing piece underneath cut:

Also please support me on ko-fi here

I open up up my eyes drearily and slowly, not entirely aware of what is happening besides the fact I feel lighter than normal, but when I do I'm met with a sight I didn't expect. I'm back in the Opera House, but the reason I'm feeling lighter is because it's filled with water?! Even more worrying, there's piles of bones on all the seats and all of a sudden I'm praying this is a dream.

"Hello?! Anybody there?!" I ask as best as I can with the water muffling my words, but despite no one hearing, I do see someone, Furina sitting on her usual seat and despite the room being filled with water I can see her tears.

With that I do my best to swim over to her. I've never been a good swimmer, not helped by my left leg not being as strong as it used to me, and this is a probably a dream, but if there's even the slightest chance this is real I have to get over. I've only formally met Lady Furina today but I can tell underneath the theatrics she's incredibly caring yet hiding something, and I want to try help her with whatever it is.

After what feels like an eternity, I finally make it over to Furina however as I reach out to her I find myself instead on the stage, which is miraculously dry, and on there with me is a woman who looks like Furina but in simpler clothes yet a more divine aura for lack of a better term.

"Apologies if I startled you," she tells me as I stand up, "I wishes to speak with you and this is the only way I could do so."

"Understandable but, what in the world do you want to talk about?" I ask as I get ready to summon Divine Rose in case this goes wrong.

"I take it you've heard about the prophecy correct?," she explains as she walks over to me, "well, not only is it real, it's deadline is fast approaching, it won't be long until all of Fontaine is submerged and the whole continent becomes like this, with only Furina and non natives like you still standing."

"It... it's real," I mumble in surprise before regaining my composure, "why are you telling me this?"

"Because I have a plan to stop it, but I need your help," the other Furina tells me, "for the most part, I just need you to keep doing what you're doing, stay close to Furina to keep her safe, and doing what you please outside of that, however when the time comes and I call upon you again, I need you to kill me."

.......... What?

"I can tell you're confused, as well as concerned, so allow me to explain further," she continues, "the only way to save the Primordial Sea water from dissolving all of Fontaine's citizens, is for myself to die and my Divine Authority to return to it's rightful owner. For the past 500 years I've been gathering Indemnitium to do it myself, however the Prophecy is coming true sooner than expected and I don't have enough, so I require some assistance. The assistance of someone with power over death, like yourself."

"I'm following now but... who in the world are you?" I ask feeling more confused despite getting answers, as well as nervous because I didn't want to use my Nobody powers again.

"I'm Focalors," she answers- wait what?, "the Furina you know is merely pretending to be me. Before you get mad at her, I put her up to it, another key part my plan needs to work is for the Heavenly Principles to believe the prophecy has been fulfilled, and as such, needed an Archon to weep upon the throne. Furina was perfect, so I cursed her with immortality to fulfil this role in the performance, a roll she's been performing for 500 years."

"You.... left her with that for that long?," I ask as my confusion starts being replaced by anger, "and I doubt you let her tell anyone either."

"Correct, and as much as I didn't mean to hurt her, it was the only way," Focalors confirms, "however, one way or another, her performance is almost over, but if it's to reach a happy ending, I require your assistance. And so, if you wish to save her, to save all of Fontaine, all you have to do is kill me. That shouldn't be too hard for the former Graceful Assassin, correct?"

I end up standing there for a moment as I try to process all of this. Like I said I told myself I'd never use my Nobody powers again, and after that I'm hesitant to trust Focalors, but not only do I not want everyone in Fontaine dying, after hearing what Furina went through, I want to help her even more. I.... I was already too late to save Strelitzia, I'm not going to fail to save someone who needs me again!

"..... I'll do it," I agree after deciding, "I'll help you in your plan, but, how much longer until it's time?"

"Thank you, and I don't know exactly, but not much longer," Focalors replies with a grateful smile, "just try to be there for Furina until then, and remember, Celestia cannot hear about this, so don't. Tell. Anyone."

"Hey, hey you idiot, wake up." Ugh... what... was that? Blinking a bit to wake up, I look up and what I see is a fully dressed Elrena standing next to my bed.

"Finally," she tells me looking relieved but also annoyed, "you know despite how much you were crying you really didn't want to wake up."

Huh? I was... crying? I rub my eyes and that confirms they are wet, but, there's something already in my left hand, and it's.... a Dendro Vision?!

"Holy crap- Navia get in here you gotta see this!" Elrena shouts in shock and excitement, but I just keep staring at the Vision in shock before eventually smiling. Yesterday, I went into my meeting with Furina hoping to understand her better, and well, now I do, and now I know I have to play my part in this 'show' to help her.

#genshin impact #gi #kh #kingdom hearts #kh x gi au #art #fanart #writing #drabble #Laurium #Marluxia #Furina #Focalors #Local justice god uses former Nobody's big brother instincts to convince him to commit a murder #more at 11-

[drowning-in-cacophony]

it/thing

Written for @flashfictionfridayofficial Prompt 218: How Do You Use 'It'?

[Summary: a girl ignores her impulses and prepares for her new fate]

Her fingers are guaranteed to stay at her sides, even as the tips curve slightly towards her palms as if to stop a reaching she’d never permit. Instead it’s her eyes that rove, that graze and brush and take in the whole… thing.

She’s not too sure there’s actually a word to describe it.

The room, at least, she can: oppressive. Like a chamber blooming off a cave’s narrow tunnels, with a ceiling curving and pulsing, no windows in sight and the only light comes from the thing, a lacing pattern like veins casting over her skin. It’s like stepping inside a balloon, for some unquestionable reason, and probably she should be running back out. Places that feel like this are never going to be safe; things that happen here are never right. These are the places of lifechanging events, the sort the people making don’t live to see what change they create.

But like her fingers stay at her sides, her feet stay firmly pointed inwards. Away from the only exit she can see, because though it’s there, open and waiting, she won’t take it. Can’t take it.

“How do you use it?” Quiet. Serious. Two words perfect to describe her in the last five days; possibly the two words that made her perfect to get to this position. Deeper inside this thing, he turns, eyes glinting in the darkness. The thing’s light causes a water-like ripple, dropping down his forehead and colliding with his brows.

“It’s simpler than it looks,” he answers with a ghost of a smile. “Quite intuitive, once you’ve settled in.”

It’s not quite an answer, she notes. In service of his want to be mysterious a little longer – up to this point, he has been the only one to work it – or in genuineness that there is no way to answer. To drive a car, you sit in the front seat. For this, maybe first look rings true, that there is no front seat.

Still, she wants an answer. Directions, something to grasp and work with. She doesn’t want to step in only in his shadow, letting him be the only way to settle in.

“How’d you do that, then?” She can’t make herself take another step closer – what if she disturbs something? – but she can set her mouth into a hard, challenging line.

Once more, his mouth twitches. Not a true smile, nothing more than a whisp. Under these lights, it fits better than it would outside. Like the swirling dimness befits controlled looks, thin expressions.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

Again, not an answer. This time her fingertips curl towards her palms with deliberate needed sharpness, to clench her fists in frustration. Is it not enough that she entered this place? That she’s gazed up and around at this thing, taken a breath and not turned and fled? She’d heard rumours that the two others they’d tried had done that. They’d looked at what she had, and chose whatever other options they could scrape, but she hasn’t. She’s still here, not running.

“Maybe you should trust our superiors. If they’ve let me in here, clearly they’re confident I want to know.” Her tone’s sharper, like the edge of her chin that she juts out. Can he see that, in this light? At least her voice is unimpeded; this whole thing doesn’t seem to emit any sound. It’s mostly a lightshow, pulses and waves that make her feel like there’s sound missing.

There’s no smile this time, ghost or not. There’s just a laugh, sharp as her tone, barking across the space. She jumps; controls it into a jolt of her shoulders, practically invisible.

“That’s more bite than the last two had,” he says with a wry shake of his head. “I think I might have offended you.”

Might?

“If you want to make it up to me, you should answer my questions.” She badly wants to fold her arms over her chest, a firm wall of steel, but it’s better keeping them at her sides. His eyes flick over her again – and how does she look, under this light? – before jerking his head at her. Gesturing her closer.

She doesn’t swallow, because she knew what she was getting into when she came in here, yet it does take a second more than she’d like to work her feet into the first steps.

“It works through here,” he explains as she slowly steps closer. It’s narrower, and it gets dimmer, further from the exit. The darkness swirls like a too-thick blanket; she doesn’t give into the impulse to breathe too quickly.

Instead she looks where he gestures, a part of the wall carved out, hollowed. It’s like a geode cracked, the thing bleeding in blunt chunks around the hollow, the place, she understands, that she is to control it.

Across, there is another hollow. His.

Claustrophobia rears to brush against the back of her neck, ignored like every other impulse she’s had since entering. Third time’s meant to be the charm, and she’s the third to enter. She’s the one who won’t let herself leave.

“It’s intuitive, once I settle in.” An echo, a questioning statement for confirmation. Either way, she glances at him, finding his eyes by the way the film catches the thing’s light. He nods, the ghost back on his lips.

“Don’t worry,” he tells her, a sentiment that doesn't help at all. “It’s not as horrible as it looks like it’ll be.”

#flash fiction friday #flash fiction #short story #writeblr #anna's writing #word count: 916 #I'm calling this speculative #little sci fi/mysterious vibes here

[alarrytale]

https://www.tumblr.com/statementlou/746972584942403584/the-one-direction-ones-honestly-well-theres-two

There are days when I’m like “Lou, babe, I love you but why are you like this?” and this is exactly of of those das. And my inner self starts panicking a bit if this isn’t a way to shame H or wtf I just don’t understand him sometimes and that makes me sad. Like I get he can’t remake it to sound in the rock version to fit his setlist and read that H tried to remake it but it didn’t work but still…he doesn’t have to use words like he used.

Hi, anon!

Link. I really liked @awesomefringey's answer to a similar ask to yours about this quote.

He sounds like a music snob who is very concerned about coming off as "cool" and only doing things if they will be percieved as cool. I think he attempted to mind his words, not shit on the song, but admit that it's hard to rework the song to fit his current sound. He didn’t manage it though. He comes off as very concerned about seeming cool and keeping his current image as indie, instead of owning and honoring his past as a boybander and singing the song as is. It's carrying undertones of misogyny, because i think his female target groups and his male target groups have very different opinions of what's cool or not...

I don't think he was shaming H, but he was kind of saying it's not cool to like the song. H has made the transition away from boybander into his new image and can get away with singing WMYB with his fans being ecstatic about it. H is owning it and embracing it. Louis hasn't managed to rid himself of his boyband image and transition into his new image. He's still trying to convince everyone he's indie and punk rock. Singing WMYB as is would be counterproductive to what he's trying to achieve. Since he can't rework it to be indie or punk rock, he won't do it.

It really isn't neccessary to talk about WMYB like he doesn’t like it, like it isn't cool to like it as it is, and that it needs to be reworked to be cool. He knows a good part of his fans are 1D fans and love the song. It's a huge hit, the gp knows it, it's reminiscent of people's childhood, nostalgic, and a reminder for fans of better and simpler times. He also knows Harry loves it and that it gets a huge reaction when he plays it. It's just not neccessary to talk about it if he is going to talk about it this way. It's not going to end well for him. No music is better or worse than other music. I think he should be very careful to talk down music that's popular with a young female audience, for several reasons...

#people who are obsessed with being cool or appearing cool are insecure about themselves #they need attention to validate themselves #that must be so exhausting #louis image #wmyb #solo louis

[cathalbravecog]

if all the cog managers were darkners. what object would they be based on?

gonna get to answering asks today as my inbox has looooooaaaads of them piled up (to me) - starting off with something easy and Very Autistic

honestly, i sometimes forget that darkners are objects in the lightner world in canon. i don't forget *forget*, but i put it in the back of my mind, since in DPAU this idea is changed, and doesn't work exactly as it does in canon.

but, still, it's an interesting idea!

for a lot of managers, i think they even be their drops. but let's think of possible items that could represent them! i'll be going over ONLY the 1.3 managers to save myself some time. if you're curious about anyone else, just ask!!

--------

let's start off with street managers, in order! also, these are color coded just so i personally see them a bit better.

duck shuffler: toy slot machine or just slot machine in general? i'd say duck SOMETHING but he does have a slot machine for his eyes.

deep diver: while she doesn't have one, i think he could be an diving air tank. or, if we go with a simpler approach - just a diving helmet!

gatekeeper: with a simpler approach:tm:, a knight helmet! or a knight toy. (mostly just going with the fact that as far as we currently know, darkners tend to be represented by smaller items that can be picked up easily.)

bellringer: this one's simple - a bell! maybe even a themed one of some sort? i know someone who collects bells from various places, mostly tourist stops. they sometimes come decorated in themes related to the area they were bought in. maybe he's a london based one, since, Big Ben and all. miniature big ben toy, maybe, lol

mouthpiece: an old crank wall phone or a cradle phone! (the type of phone she is! i had to research phones when designing phone-in, her grandkid. i'm no by means an expert and my names could be wrong - but from my old reference pieces here's what those look like because i spent hours on these STILL UNFINISHED reference gathers and i need to show something from them off)

as a bonus, phone-in, aka collin dama, my oc: he'd be a brick phone or a radiophone.

BONUS BONUS, tony trapezoid dama, another oc: they'd be a touch-tone-telephone. (I THINK ITS TIME FOR YOU TO KNOW THE AWFUL TRUTH , THE TRUTH ME AND THE TRUTH ABO - *gets hit in the face with a pie and gets dragged off-stage*)

firestarter: so, growing up in a firefighter family i could probably name some other objects he could maybe be but let's be honest he'd just probably be his firefighter helmet or a firefighter mask but also i fogor anything else because i ams very smarts. or they could be a box of matches.

treekiller: this one's simple as well - he'd be an axe! thought about toy vehicles that destroy trees - but it'd make less sense for him especially seeing as he does have a literal axe on his head. do you guys think spruce would be a trucker type guy in his free time

featherbedder: i think they'd be either a pillow (with an owl print?), or a soft owl plushie! something cuddly you'd keep on your bed and just snzzzznznz....

and now the kudos managers!

prethinker: even out of character i will be frostbite-type mean to brian because it's funny so he'd be one of those fuckass display brains in a jar :sob:. ok in all seriousness either something like that or maybe the smart cap he drops!

bonus, bright spark, another oc of mine's: since she's his sister she gets a mention. she'd just be a lightbulb since she literally is one

rainmaker: little tricky since you can't just have a Cloud - but a plushie one (i own a cloud shaped pillow irl) could work! maybe an umbrella...? trying to give alternative options since "plushie of:" is really easy to do. (works best for animals tho)

witch hunter: he's the mgr i know the least about(im sorry prester fans) so this one's a bit hard for me. a toy cauldron since his mouth is supposed to be one? maybe a stake or a pitchfork? or an unlit torch. or a lit one if you're fancy some arson!

multislacker: the cathal! quite easy - a crt television !! even with my url i cannot think of anything else. he is a crt tv and that's that. they have other design elements i could gush about but sadly, i have no other ideas. i just remembered my old crt that i didnt even use is like in the basement . i am so sorry cathal we'll get you outta there one day

major player: ohh, this is another one i think of when i say they could just be their drops (dave's rose) - but he could also be a cymbal like his hat or just a keyboard. i'd say a piano but pianos are fucking massive. maybe a vinyl disc of rick astley's never gonna give you up

plutocrat: hmm, from just what he wears , a monocle or a cigar. maybe a model of pluto (the dwarf planet). a laundered stash of cash, i dunno! cosmo's a fun character but i cannot think of anything else he would be.

chainsaw consultant: well, he's a chainsaw isn't he? his hat could also work!

pacesetter: oh graham would absolutely be his shredder guitar. no questions asked. maybe his shades? perhaps some other sports equipment - but it doesn't scream "him" as much as the other things. i can't make deeper gram pacer test jokes do i look like i'm american to you all i know r the memes

extra bonus for the crawler, aka crowley cents, another oc: he's based on the centipede family scolopendridae - giant centipedes that people call nightmarous monsters but i love very dearly they are cutie pies thanks for coming to my ted talk!! he'd be a model of one. can't pin point a specific one, he's based on several ones very loosely + has inspo from centiscorch.

...aaaand that's it! i'd go into some others but this is long enough now :p

#[answered] #mgrs

[bookwyrminspiration]

in one of the earlier books i believe vertina (and maybe someone else? idk) said that sophie looked a lot like jolie. which seems like too big of a thing for shannon to not explain. so what do you think’s happening with that?

also gethen being sophie’s father seems pretty likely but why didn’t forkle recognize him? unless he was lying to keep sophie from knowing he was her father but it doesn’t seem very hard for him to say he knows gethen without revealing anything about that

Great questions! I can only theorize, but I think the primary reason for people saying Sophie looked like Jolie (it was more than Vertina, including Edaline, and said multiple times) was as part of suspecting her of being Sophie's bio mom/the confrontation with Brant.

The constant comparison planted the seed that they might be related, kinda as a very early intro to the bio parents search. She doesn't start a real search till much later, but it continues the ruminating on it brought by Prentice so we can get there. And by looking like Jolie, she enters a unique situation when dealing with Brant, bringing his/his and Jolie's story to light and forcing him to confront it. It's like Jolie's brought back to life in spirit, which affects how Brant responds and kicks off his reveal/betrayal

But we don't see much if any mention of the similarities between Jolie and Sophie after those things happen, so I assume it's served its purpose and the similarities between them are coincidental, if convenient.

As for Gethen, of course there would be a lot of questions for Forkle about how he managed to get a Neverseen member in on Project Moonlark. But I presume you're referring to the scene on pgs 595-597 ish in Everblaze? Rereading it, and this is being very particular, Mr. Forkle doesn't seem to say anything that suggests he doesn't know Gethen. He doesn't say much at all, just that he remembers fighting off Gethen when he came for Sophie, and that they'll move him somewhere he'll feel more like talking--because he does have info Mr. Forkle doesn't know and would want, even if they've met in the past. And what he says could be an intentional move to not reveal what he does know, while also not faking ignorance. Because even if he does know Gethen, everything he said still stands. Perhaps he thinks the less Sophie knows about Gethen in general, the better, so he doesn't mention anything the kids don't find out themselves

So perhaps he did recognize him, and just didn't say anything because that's safer than lying and potentially being caught. Especially since the kotlcrew are really pushy at times. Simpler to just keep them out of the loop on that one--after all, the Black Swan has no problems keeping secrets and withholding information, which is especially true when it comes to her parentage. He can do what he needs to do with any additional information he has separate from the kids; they don't need to be involved in his behind the scenes work.

I think one of the main questions for the Gethen theory is: why? Why would Mr. Forkle pick him, and the answer would probably involve him having a regular identity Mr. Forkle thought he could trust before it was revealed he was Neverseen. Basically same as the Fintan theory, we just don't know that for Gethen so there are more questions.

There are gaps and questions in every theory, so none of this is certain, it's just a potential explanation.

#kotlc #kotlc theories #quil's queries #nonsie #long post #i am quite torn between gethen and fintan #both are viable options based on what I know #I just don't have enough to narrow it down between them confidently #on the one hand. character with no role yet been there the whole series who is a blond telepath? #on the other. character with established reason to be consulted for the project who is a blond pyrokinetic? #while sophie's been said to definitively not be a pyrokinetic and have similarities between her inflicting and pyrokinesis? #i am going in circles!

[yuk-tepat]

'Easy' Conlanging

Sometimes I get asked for feedback about languages, or get asked to for commissions, but I also get questions of the sort “What is the easiest way for a non-language-geek to create a language that’s just “good enough”?” for background purposes in some fictional setting. So I thought I’d post my thoughts on this.

First, a caveat - as you are probably aware - realism and depth are proportional to the time put into the language. They are also a spectrum, so “how much” is enough can be hard to answer. Additionally, if you succeed and make it interesting enough, fans will want to poke around and find out how it works. Then they will realize whether there’s more to the language or not. (And possibly make their own version of it.) You’re better off creating more depth and detail than you need, because trying to flesh out something AFTER the fact is much more difficult. You will end up with inconsistencies and explaining them away will eventually take more work than creating a detailed grammar in the first place. From my experience working on languages with people who had already named characters before trying to make the language, making a language invariably ends up forcing name changes.

(1800-word wall of text to follow)

Your best bet is over-creating, or getting someone else to do, but I understand this isn’t possible for everyone. Maybe you don’t have time to learn & do it all yourself, or money to pay someone. May you live in an Amazon warehouse.

That said, if you know what you want and make some basic design choices ahead of time, you can simplify the process. So I’ll tell you what I think is the quickest way to make a reasonable-looking language.

STEP ONE: GOALS

What do you want? The important questions are probably:

HOW much realism and depth do you need? Does the language have a long history, does it have a wide range (possible dialectal differences), are there levels of speech and a literary tradition? Yes to any of these = more work.

Do you only need one language?

If you have more than one language ARE THEY RELATED?

Does it need a writing system, or is writing it in Roman letters fine? Writing system = a lot more work.

Are you going to use it ONLY for names, or might you want to translate phrases? Even simple sentences will require grammar that you can ignore in names.

Is there any real-life language you want it to sound like? If there is, you might get away with copying the phonology.

STEP TWO: PHONOLOGY

The phonology / spelling is the most obvious part to audiences so you should do the most work here. Start by organizing the sounds you want in it in a table. You can copy an IPA chart somewhere & start adding or removing sounds you like to it.

Most languages do not have random groups of sounds. Their sounds line up sort of neatly in the chart. Most rows AND columns should have several sounds. Beware if your chart looks too gappy. Some languages (Classical Arabic) may have lots of gaps but don’t do this as a general rule.

Many creators have real world languages that they like (“I want something that sounds kind of Germanic”). In that case, you can go to the Wikipedia article & copy the sound chart, possibly adding / subtracting 1-2 sounds.

Besides the sounds, you should think about how they combine (phonotactics). Does your language have simple or complex syllables? Can 2 (or more vowels occur in a row? How many consonants can occur in a row? Can syllables begin with vowels or end with consonants? Along with this, please decide which syllable in your words receives stress, or whether stress is fixed at all. As far as the “feeling” of the language goes, this is just as important as which sounds you choose.

Keep in mind, the fewer sounds there are, and the simpler the syllables, the more syllables words will need in order to avoid having lots of homophones.

TIP: Try to keep your names under four syllables, unless you plan to create nicknames for them. Nobody likes or will even remember a 20-letter personal name, unless its length is part of the joke.

Now take it to a word generator like the Zompist WordGen (https://www.zompist.com/gen.html) and plug in all the phonemes and follow the instructions for making rules & it will spit out a giant list of possible words in your language. Don’t just use them all, at least glance at each word & select it, because no matter how you engineer it some of the words will be fugly.

If you only need names, make up mostly noun, adjective, and verb meanings. If you need sentences, you may need prepositions, conjunctions, etc., depending on how inflectional you are (step 5).

*TIP: If you want added depth, create an EARLIER version of your language, and then run sound changes on it with the SCA (https://www.zompist.com/sca2.html) to create the target language.

(*OTHER NOTE: You will absolutely need to create a parent language, no buts, if you want to create another language that’s related, and if you try to get around it, the result will look fake and lame.)

STEP THREE. DECIDE THE ORTHOGRAPHY

…or at least the Romanization. If you need a unique writing system, you won’t have an easy time so I assume you don’t. That would require another post. Right now you might have IPA words but you probably don’t want to write your world’s names in IPA. Most of the audience won’t know how to read them. Assuming your audience is English-speaking, try to decide the nearest approximation of the pronunciation using the 26 letters of the alphabet with kind of English-ish spelling conventions. I.e., you should probably spell /ʃ/ as SH instead of CH like French or X like Portuguese.

*NOTE: Will you use any diacritics (accent marks)? Some people like ‘em, some people hate ‘em. Even if you love them, try not to use more than two kinds in your language. And make sure the accent actually means something, don’t just throw random ones in. The same point applies to apostrophes: please don’t just throw them in there.

STEP FOUR: WORD ORDER

Figure out the order of elements. Pick one of these two:

“VO” MENU - “OV” MENU

noun before adjective - adjective before noun possession before possessor - possessor before possession verb before object - object before verb preposition before noun - noun before POSTposition noun before relative clause - relative clause before noun. name before surname - surname before name title before name - name before title some prefixes - mostly suffixes

Languages tend towards one of these types. Very few are perfectly consistent (English isn’t), and some languages are widely off-type, but MOST languages are MOSTLY in one of these camps. And you should probably not mess with them too much if your plan is not to be really involved in the grammar.

Some of these are most important for forming sentences. If you’re just making names, at least decide the first three orders. But by choosing one of those basic types ahead of time, you can expand the grammar by adding the rules that tend to go with the type.

If you’re making sentences too - congratulations! You got a bonus choice!

From the VO menu, choose…

SVO (subject - verb - object)

VSO (verb - subject - object)

VOS (verb - object - subject)

From the OV menu, choose…

SOV (subject - object - verb)

OSV (object - subject - verb)

OVS (object - verb - subject)

*NOTE: the last two are really, really rare, but an easy way to make your language seem weird.

STEP FIVE: ANALYTIC OR SYNTHETIC?

What this means is, does the language have lots of inflections or not? Are its words fairly simple or complex? If it is analytic, it will have few or no inflections. Most of the relationship between words will be fixed by word order, which will be inflexible. Most of your names will be compound words. The parts of the compound may be more or less abstract, but will exist and have meanings as independent words.

If your language is synthetic, you will have inflections. Most words will consist of a root with prefixes or suffixes added to it. So make some prefixes or suffixes, according to your type.

For a naming language, I would advise at least suffixes to:

make an adjective from a noun

make a noun from an adjective

make a noun from a verb

make a diminutive or nickname-former

“son of” or equivalent

“place of” blah de blah

For making sentences, add:

suffix to turn nouns into verbs

suffix to turn adjective into verbs

a couple of suffixes to make different verb tenses or moods

(optional) person suffixes on verbs

(optional) case suffixes on nouns

Oh, I almost forgot, make some plurals.

I advise you to make your inflectional language agglutinative, with easily distinguishable suffixes that tack onto each other in a neat order. I don’t advise a fusional language (where suffixes combine more than one grammatical category). If this is your first time for goodness sake don’t make a Semitic triliteral root language.

OPTIONAL:

If you need sentences, you have additional choices:

Do nouns have case suffixes?

Do verbs have person suffixes?

If the answer is NO to both, then your word order is probably very rigid. If the answer is YES to either, then also decide:

Is your language nominative-accusative or ergative-absolutive?

Look them up. You could also have split-ergative, or something exotic like direct-inverse, but you're best off making it consistently nominative-accusative or ergative-absolutive.

STEP SIX:

Create cool culturally appropriate expressions from your words. If you’re not a grammar nerd this will probably be the most fun part. General rule: More is less - it’s best to express as many concepts as you can by combining the elements you’ve already made, than making up a new word for each new concept.

Hope you have fun making your language.

I invite other conlangers to chime in with their advice.

#conlang #meta

[talldarkandroguesome]

19th of Second Seed, Sundas

No sooner had I returned from my trip with Sildras, than I was informed that the Council had a mountain of tasks for me to complete.

And as if that were not enough, as soon as I am nearly done with one of those tasks, I get a hurried missive about a supposedly more pressing issue for my consideration that requires an answer or response by the end of the day or first thing in the morn.

Even this morning, the one day I am usually free of obligations from the Council, I was asked to work on another project. All as if I had not been given one to complete near on midnight and had to stay up to work on.

I have a nice bottle of brandy to fortify me this evening. I am a bit sore after I threw myself into the renovations we are underway in the garden. Even after having tried digging out all of the toxic materials and salting that Urtisa did to our garden and crop lands. WE had thought everything was out, but with all the rain, things that must have been buried deeper than we had thought imaginable. For much of the land has started to sprout strange weeds and many of our plans seem struck with diseases that we have not encountered ever before.

I helped the grounds keeping crew with ripping out all the awful, bizarre weeds. We dug down to a point where we needed ladders to get in and out with the buckets of soil.

Three days we have been toiling away. Finally we have either gotten it all out, or have come close to. Any further digging and it risks the foundations of the manor. Urtisa would fetching love knowing that. The foul alit deserves worse than she--no.

On second thought, Nabine gave her something that even I was unable to stomach. I cannot even be sure that anyone deserved that sort of death. I mean, of course she was an evil woman. Look at how months and months after her death we are still working to repair all the damage she left in her wake.

Yet, there is a part of me that finds it hard to feel wholly satisfied with her end. Perhaps it was just too close to my own fears. Or too close to the way the Thalmor treated me when they wanted to get information from me.

May both. I could not say. I do not dare think too much on it.

I miss when things were simpler. Those days on the run in Skyrim suddenly do not feel so bad. I sing and fuck for room and board. I kill when I need to. I was mortal, but my responsibilities were only to keep myself alive. I could pursue those beautiful moments of connection with people as I went and leave when I fell under suspicion. Then I could return when I wished to continue that relationship I had.

Now I know too much to go back to that. My heart is torn and so tangled int he brambles of my various relationships. Despite my fear and frustration and sadness, my feelings for Nabine remain as strong as ever. And despite how great the distance, my heart still yearns to return to Qau-dar.

And though I have fantasies of pulling away from the House and going back on the road, I cannot abandon my son. Sildras deserves better. And I love him too much for that. And with the House he will have everything he needs for a good life. Further, I still get to see my daughters.

When did everything become so troublesome?

How I wish that Leythen were still alive. I could just pull out a stone and get his advice. I miss when I did not have to be responsible for everyone and everything. When I just could take orders and do my mission and return for my accolades. Damn Nocturnal for her plots. And damn the betrayal of her champion.

You know, it has been a while since I spoke with Naryu. I wonder how she is holding up. I shall have to write to her. Hopefully the city's economy falling has not made it harder for the Morag Tong. They will likely have just moved to other areas.

Still... I wonder if she could put me in touch with someone. Someone willing to train in basics of assassination. My future death weavers could certainly use a dedicated teacher. I fear that for now I am not the correct person.

Once I have my finances back in order, I should look for more opportunities to work on this.

#ESO #TES #RP #Dunmer #elder scrolls online #the elder scrolls

[edenfenixblogs]

…

So the thing that’s keeping me awake tonight…

The thing that’s keeping me awake tonight is where to live by the time my baby will start school. Part of me feels it’s stupid to worry about it this early. Assuming I get pregnant right away when I start IUI in 2-3 years (unlikely), that means moving would have to happen by 7 years from now.

However, immigration is logistically HARD and it needs to be planned far in advance. My dilemma is between physical and emotional quality of life.

My financial situation in this country is pretty good. It’ll likely be a lot harder if I move somewhere else. Also, I can work from home with good benefits and a reasonably predictable schedule. Also, very importantly, all my friends and my parents are here. My kid will already only have one parent. I want them to have as much of a support system as possible. I want them to be close to their grandparents. The idea of raising a baby far from my mom is heartbreaking and terrifying. And immigration also means I’d have to find childcare during the days while I work, which is a whole other expense I would not have here. So would school uniforms, which are not much of an expense here.

On the other hand, what if I get sick? What if baby gets sick? Where does the health insurance come from then? What about fucking gun violence? How can I live day to day knowing my kid might get gunned down at their fucking desk? Does anything else really matter when staying here means such a high level of risk for baby? When I get old, will my retirement be enough to avoid burdening baby? Here, social security is drying up, and any and all social safety nets are being gutted. Living somewhere that values social welfare, somewhere I know unexpected health complications won’t ruin my child’s and my financial future is so appealing. So is living somewhere that higher education doesn’t cost as much as a large house in a major city. And if I did stay here, where would I send my kid to school. Even with all the other risks, there’s still the other problems of public v private and the quality of schools in my area.

And if I do move, where would I go? My top two options are Scotland and Canada. I have very feasible paths to visa and citizenship in both places.

Canada is closer and means my family could be a lot more involved in baby’s life. The logistics of moving would be a lot simpler and my career means I’d end up in a pretty liberal province which is great. I do have a family member in Canada, too, which is nice. But I don’t have any particular connection to Canada, emotionally. I think I’d feel more like an outsider there. The cost of living where I’d have to end up is as high as it is where I am now, except I’d have more monthly expenses.

Scotland is very much my speed. A lot of my educational curriculum was from the UK because of IB and also just a randomly tremendous amount of British teachers. I’ve spend substantial amounts of time in the UK and in Scotland specifically. I like how many travel opportunities there are in Scotland: so many countries close by! I think I’d integrate better there. But also, there’s such high levels of antisemitism, but it’s also less likely to be deadly than the antisemitism in America, because fewer guns. The cost of living is more manageable than where I’d have to live in Canada. But maybe that’s selfish of me to consider Scotland when it’s so far away from a support system.

I have a lot of time to figure this all out. But that doesn’t make it any less important or less nerve-wracking. And I resent this country for being such a mess. I wouldn’t have to think about any of this if we just regulated guns and offered healthcare and education like most other countries. I’m so mad.

Do traditional couples or even nontraditional couples think about all this before having a baby? I feel like most Hereros don’t. Idk. I don’t have any answers right now, and probably won’t for awhile. But I needed to type it all out so I can sleep instead of having this all rattling around my head.

Do traditional couples or even nontraditional couples think about all this before having a baby? I feel like most Hereros don’t. Idk. I don’t have any answers right now, and probably won’t for awhile. But I needed to type it all out so I can sleep instead of having this all rattling around my head.

#SMBC journey #SMBC journey update

[theendofachapter]

“What a life.”

I really hate days like these. I need to stop overthinking. Soon I won’t have time to sit with my thoughts anymore and I guess that’s a good thing. I’ve been working out a lot and I’m starting to get back to where I was before the pandemic. I can’t believe I really just sat around and did nothing productive during that year and a half. I just feel so empty lately. Like nothing excites me.. nothing makes me happy, but I guess I’m not feeling the pain as much anymore too. I really need to stop dwelling on the past, and reliving the times we hung out, and trying to figure out why things ended like this. Earlier I was looking through my phone for pictures of tofu.. and saw the videos of her playing the piano.. and her singing when we went to karaoke. I tried not to watch them.. but I did. It made me sad.. and wish that I could go back to those simpler times. That day when I saw her play the piano for the first time was when I realized that I really liked her.. how she was so concentrated on the creation of the music.. how it seemed like she could see music in the air.. I still get little reminders of her throughout the day.. which sucks. Every time i spray my sanitizer.. when I use my face lotion.. when i do laundry.. but I just keep repeating in my head that she hates me and it makes it easier to deal with. I miss her so much.. I just wonder how she’s doing. If she’s happy now, if things have gotten better at home, with her health, if … she’s with her ex now. I really hate him.. for doing what he did to her, especially after all the horrible things she’s already been through. I know she doesn’t care what I think, but.. I just pray he really is a good person and will take care of her for real, and won’t ever hurt her again. I know it’s unfair to hate someone you don’t even know.. and you shouldn’t have hate in your heart.. but i do. I hate the guy who raped her. I wish I knew what he looked like so if I ever saw him.. Id kick his ass. To the point where he will know why he’s getting his ass kicked. The physical pain wouldn’t compare to what he’s done to her, but he needs to feel at least an ounce of pain that she’s been through. I don’t even care about the consequences, you don’t get to just walk free after doing what he did. I know violence isn’t the answer.. but fuck, what kind of low life rapes someone? And he gets away with it?? Fuck that. Man I get so pissed when I think about it.. this is turning really negative.. I really hate all the people who have ever wronged her, she doesn’t deserve any of the things she’s had to go through.

I still think about her sometimes.. God I just miss her so much.. I hate how things turned out. I was so fucking stupid to let my feelings get in the way. I should have stayed away the first time I told her I liked her and that she didn’t have feelings for me. It was so hard though, but I guess that would have been better than the alternative.. than this.. right now. I just want her to be happy. I really don’t understand how I had fallen for her this hard.. and I guess I never realized how much I had until I was blocked out of her life. It sucks thinking about her with someone else.. whoever she ends up marrying better treat her right..

—

I honestly think I’m going to be single the rest of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet someone like her again. Even if I do meet someone.. they’ll always be compared to her, and that’s not fair to them. I always wanted a family.. two kids.. a boy first.. then a girl, so he could always protect his sister. I want to provide for them.. and give them everything that I never had. I want them to have a real childhood.. where both parents are there. I don’t want them to grow up too fast.. like I had to. I always wished I was just a normal kid.. from a normal family. At 15 I already had to grocery shop for the week and make dinner every night for my 5 younger siblings.. and thinking about it now I only had $100 grocery money for the week.. inflation is crazy. I sometimes resented them.. and would bully them.. because I always thought it’s because of them that I couldn’t have a normal life. It just sucked seeing my mom tired all the time though.. my dad was gone and she would come home so late to make just enough money for rent. As soon as I turned 18 I moved out.. which was probably really selfish of me. I still helped out and paid all their phone bills.. but I wasn’t even making that much so I don’t even know how I did it. I just remember those apartment days were my ‘dark days.’ I don’t know anymore.. I guess this is life.. wow I’m starting to sound like my dad.. the phrase I heard from him all the time when he was around, “what a life.”

[blowmother6]

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[jeepteeth0]

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