#the shit you make me do

[carinelian]

me when the stakes are high (i made them high) and the characters are finally, finally forced to fight (i made them fight), and now the main ship isn't just going down like the titanic (i am the iceberg) but instead doing they're doing the pirates of the carribean equivalent of ship war (i pitted them all against each other while tying their hearts together, like four-legged relay race):

#writing #writeblr #cari's writing #writing community #assassin x emperor #ongoing #yes that's an actual line from my wip #the events mentioned above are also taking place within my wip #i wasn't fucking around with the love square #mhm it's a four-way fight #writing process #writers on tumblr #writer stuff #writing problems #writer problems #writblr #tapas novel #aster and florence #the shit you make me do

[robinsversion]

How I sleep knowing I always cite my sources:

(First image from the film Drip Dippy Donald (1948); second image from season 4, episode 3 of the Simpsons, “Homer the Heretic” (1992).)

#the irony of me making this post and tracking the sources down at 2am is not lost on me #but it does prove how easy this shit is if I’m doing it with my eyes half closed #James cite your fucking sources #james somerton #hbomberguy #plagiarism #plagiarism and you(tube) #why are you booing me i’m right

[ruporas]

trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)

#trigun #trigun maximum #nicholas d wolfwood #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #millions knives #ruporas art #type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades #i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game #it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game #and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now #executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the #new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an #encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more #relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse #most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an #ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!! #this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first

[mokeonn]

"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.

But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.

#simon says #i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system #once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable #this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it #because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole #but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole #don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it #also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn #like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that #also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke #my only learning resource is the library sorry about that #also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice #finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say

[inkskinned]

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

#spilled ink #warm up #so i have worked in childcare as a teacher for like 15 years #hence the language behind ''what helps you be safe in your body?'' #like you can tell by what i say here i have EXPERIENCE with kids. #but tbh the REAL teacher moment is watching a 6/7 year old say #''this makes me nervous #can you please not come closer?'' #as a teacher i was IMMEDIATELY like ... ahh whomever is raising you is doing an EXCELLENT job holy shit #verbalizing your fears? trusting an adult to listen? #ability to recognize a way you might feel safer? #like .... this kid's caregivers.... that one moment... i was like .... who are u i wanna french kiss you big on the mouth

[recapitulation]

meal ideas!

low energy ("do not ask me to do any prep work at all, so help me god")

mozzerella cheese wrapped in pepperoni ("pizza tacos"!)

hummus and pretzels or naan (putting the naan in the microwave for like 10 seconds...heavenly)

canned chili (with shredded cheese and sour cream if you have it! boom done!)

instant miso soup (warm and lovely! put tofu in it for protein!)

cheese and cured meat, olives, canned fish, crackers, dried fruit, or whatever easy "charcuterie" type items you like

alternate bites of apple and spoonfulls of peanut butter (mixing honey or chocolate chips to the peanut butter is my favorite)

a "deconstructed sandwich": bites of lunch meat, pickles, cheese, cherry tomato, etc (I love roast beef and white cheddar for this)

yogurt and granola or fruit

put frozen potstickers + frozen edamame in the steamer/rice cooker, chill elsewhere with a timer set, then boom

tortilla chips + canned refried beans + cherry tomatoes + cilantro + jarred salsa con queso (or warm shredded cheese on top of the chips in the microwave for 30 seconds)

bagel + cream cheese + lox

microwave scrambled eggs (add things like green onion, soy sauce, or anything else you like!)

cottage cheese and fruit (mixed together or just on the side)

bowl of shredded rotisserie chicken + buffalo sauce + a bit of mayo + green onion (use a kitchen scissors to cut them right in!)

medium energy ("I'll boil water but don't ask me to chop shit")

boiled eggs and fresh veggies (put a little salt on top of the eggs!)

buttered noodles (my go-to nausea meal, it has never failed me. ideas of things to add: frozen peas, imitation crab, roasted garlic)

baked potato with toppings (I like cheese, bacon, broccoli, green onion, and sour cream)

quesadilla (add some canned beans, cilantro, or avocado!)

pot roast (requires a lot of time but not a lot of actual work. I love it with peas!)

cuban sandwich (bread, swiss, pickle, mustard, ham... my favorite thing to panini-ify by far)

pan-fried tofu with scallion sauce (this sauce goes well with everything and tofu is no exception)

pancakes or waffles! (I love mine with jam)

ham, pickle, and cream cheese roll-ups

fried eggs (with toast and lots of butter...so comforting)

fruit smoothie (bananas, frozen strawberries, yogurt...or whatever!)

I hate salad but could write essays on this copycat olive garden salad (throw it in a bowl! chopping required if you use onion)

spaghetti (controversial maybe but angel hair > spaghetti noodles)

pasta salad (olives broccoli fresh mozerella... those little mini pepperonis... yeah)

stir-fried thai garlic shrimp (I like using the mini frozen salad shrimps, it's easy! use jarred minced garlic to avoid chopping!)

tuna mayo onigiri

slow cooker ribs

buffalo chicken wrap (or any number of other wrap options! shred pre-cooked rotisserie chicken to make it easier)

if your local grocery store sells pre-cooked gyro strips, that can turn into an easy wrap with store-bought pita & tzatziki with tomatoes and onions!

couscous and chickpeas

tortellini + pasta sauce + spinach

high energy ("I don't mind chopping some things up!")

stuffed shells with spinach

chicken and roasted garlic (oh my god.....one of my all time favorites)

beef tacos (I like mine with cilantro and onion, and when I'm feeling especially high energy I love a tomatillo salsa)

chicken alfredo

tom kha gai (a thai soup and my absolute favorite! you just need access to galangal)

lasagna! (freezes well and then boom! low energy meal for later)

pad thai! (not as hard as you'd think, as long as you have access to tamarind paste!)

potstickers! (this is a lovely group activity if you want to cook with housemates!)

rice and beans

bang bang shrimp (ogughfhgfuh I love it. you can also do bang bang tofu!)

minestrone soup (so many nice veggies!)

fried rice (put whatever you have on hand in there! broccoli, peas, carrot, and beef is my favorite combo)

broccoli cheddar soup

spring rolls and peanut sauce

skewers (such as beef, onion, zucchini, bell pepper... you don't need a grill, oven works!)

roasted turkey with garlic parmesean asparagus

pork chop with mashed potatoes

panang curry

chicken gnocchi soup (use store bought gnocchi or make your own if you have a high energy day!)

bibimbap (super customizable depending on what veggies you like best)

butter chicken

plus! things that have helped me meal plan:

whenever you think of a meal you'd like to make, take 3 seconds to google search it, take a screenshot of the image results, and put it in a "food ideas" folder. instant visual menu!

the concept of "meal prepping" makes me recoil but I've learned that it can simply mean preparing shredded chicken, boiled eggs, or some other simple protein that you can customize throughout the week. shredded chicken can turn into wraps, salads, pasta dishes, etc... you don't have to meal prep yourself into the same meal all week!

when I have difficulty working up an appetite, I'll scroll through my favorite restaurant menus! there might be some foods I can't make at home, but many times they're very simple to recreate because the ingredients are literally listed!

#brought to you by: i see people complaining about coming up with meals for the week #and im like..this is my favorite thing to do........let me be your meal brainstormer #additionally brought to you by: eating something is better than nothing so some of these may not be complete textbook 'meals' #but sometimes you feel like shit and just need something! so! #also this energy scale is tailored to me personally so if some categorizations dont make sense to you thats bc its about me <3 #food #i might update this with dessert ideas too later. or just add to it in general

[densitywell]

spent like an hour trying to find a post abt the disparity of origin companion's content in bg3 and couldn't so, hey, this fucking sucks

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #the fact that the astarion favoritism is baked into the game itself is so darksided oh my god #bc what do you mean wyll has TWO THIRDS THE AMOUNT OF DIALOGUE??? #anyways this thread was also how i found out that astarion is the only one with durge specific scenes #and bc the writer was being forced into crunch and writing for both of them. lol #ETA I know abt Wyll being recast/rewritten and Karlach being added last. the post I linked goes into all of that in detail #as well as linking to another post that goes into even more detail and explains where these numbers came from. #you do not have to tell me. or accuse me of making shit up to make people mad. i know and i'm still mad lol #game design is very complicated yes but there's many ways they could've avoided giving the one black character the least amount of content

[brother-emperors]

something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.

it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.

and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.

edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.

Perseus, Daniel Ogden

Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet

#perseus #danae #komiks tag #long post #every other week i start to say something about how greek heroes are a good case study in diaspora and exile trauma #but man perseus makes me so sad. so does danae. she loves her son :( #perseus turning a whole island to stone is a huge mood. i would also do that if i were him #anyway (salutes) take care everyone i gotta watch yunho's new video it looks like a fucking movie im so excited #(i singled out ovid bc i remember the fucking shit perseus discourse that ran through this site. i remember #im preemptively loading a gun and pointing at it before it can touch this post #it hasn't died out either i see it on twitter all the time in the most ANNOYING ways possible i am TIRED #esp bc they're actually doing medusa a narrative disservice like congrats! you made it worse! stop telling me it's better!!!!) #it’s all greek to me

[tofixtheshadows]

This is one of my favorite minor details in Dungeon Meshi, firstly because what in the femme fatale, but also because it's one of those little things that raises so many questions about worldbuilding.

The Occam's Razor defense attorney in me says that Ryoko Kui gave Kabru a boot knife because she wanted him to escape from his bonds here. And Kabru is a very competent swordsman, why wouldn't he have a boot knife, sure. He's already got a dagger, he can have this too.

And yet: the implications. Kabru, why do you have that? That is not remotely something that could be easily accessed or used in combat. Nobody is pulling out a pen knife from the heel of their boot during a fight with a monster. It's useless in the dungeon ... unless you're the type of person who isn't just worried about monsters.

I've mentioned this before, but I consider one of Kabru's functions in the narrative as being the character who fully brings the idea of human ecosystems into the story. There's a reason why he's always connected to large groups of people (Toshiro's party, the Canaries). He (along with Mr. Tansu, briefly) introduces the reader to the social and political forces working on the dungeon, showing us that none of this is happening in a monster-filled vacuum. His confrontation with the corpse retrievers, who very nearly kill Kabru's party permanently with their reckless murder-for-money scheme, reminds us that monsters are not the only things that prey on humans. Kabru understands the ways the dungeon causes people to put profit over human lives.

We only get hints of it in the story, but like any gold-rush-style economic boom, it's implied that there is a lot of crime and corruption surrounding the dungeon.

So yeah, it really makes me wonder why Kabru keeps a tiny knife in his boot, meant to be carried on him even in situations where he would otherwise be unarmed. Stored exactly in the place where it's easy to reach, even if, for some reason, your hands are tied behind your back.

#Dungeon Meshi spoilers #Kabru #Kabru of Utaya #using that tag even though I'm ethically opposed. it's fine #dungeonposting #musings with Dea #btw I'm genuinely not trying to imply anything weird here I really do think Kabru has Seen Some Shit #Kabru and his pre-canon pseudo-espionage lifestyle #this was supposed to be??? more of a joking post? but I talk too much #I mean I'm only thinking about it because it IS funny. Kabru. what the hell do you get up to in your spare time. #he didn't even stop to think 'oh no what do I do' #he was just like 'good thing I have a knife in my boot' #even if this was his first time being tied up it just makes me feel like he was prepared for this kind of danger #maybe Milsiril taught him this too

[puppyeared]

my attempt at making a fursona

#i never see any mole furries so i thought id try my hand at it ^_^ #i was hungry making this and was thinking of dirt cup pudding so its partly inspired by that and mario grass blocks #i dont draw furries very often so this was a fun learning experience lol. also!! star nose moles are kinda cute!!!! #when i was coming up with a name my mind kept going back to that tiktok of dogs and the tts voice saying stuff like i like mulch #mulch is my favorite food! yippee mulch!! so if youre wondering where i got the name theres the lore for it #i also wanna make a sea otter fursona.. and perhaps a snowshoe hare or other winter animal. oh or a barn owl!! #im trying to free my mind when it comes to making multiple sonas bc im still trying to wrap my head around it #ive always kinda seen myself as my persona but i want to try and be silly with it. actually while i was making this i was a little doubtful #to call it my fursona bc it doesnt look like me but a little voice inside my head was like well. youre not a 5 foot tall talking mole eithe #so you might as well. and i was thinking abt ppl with their dragon wolves with wings and i was like wow.. youre right... i can do what i #want forever. and brother that shit was enlightening it was like my third eye opened when i realized that #my art #myart #my oc #oc #fursona #mulch #furry art #sfw furry #character design #oc ref sheet #reference sheet

[essektheylyss]

It is WILD to me how many people just loudly broadcast their intention to scab, as if that isn't the fastest way to brand yourself as someone who will throw anyone else to the wolves in an industry that runs on collaboration, so every writer say it with me

#tbh i doubt most of these people even have offers to scab. so they're REALLY just fucking themselves here. #like this doesn't even apply to me cuz it's not like I'm on anyone's radar at this point but good lord #do you wanna make rent in six months? five years from now? don't undermine the guild and dont shoot yourself in the foot! oh my god! #edited to make it more clear in the post that SCABBING IS A SHIT MOVE NOT JUST CUZ ITLL GET YOU PERSONALLY BLACKLISTED

[999999999inadream]

toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections

#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it #deltarune #kris dreemurr #maybe im looking too much into things but... #it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters #like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies” #the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster #i shit you not #like they called pranking... masc?? huh #can girls and others not get their silly on anymore?? #also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised #like napstablook monster kid #god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner #but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me #i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then #they must be a guy to be relevant or smth #and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking) #ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus #it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why #i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot #i might come back to this who knows #wow ok rant over #for now

[lamina-tsrif]

SEA MOON SEE YOU

#og art #one piece #sanji #blackleg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #IM NEVER TOUCHING THIS CANCVAS EVER AGAIN #GOD. WHY DID I DO THAT. #HOWEVER. ITS CHOPPERS BIRTHDAY SOON. I HAVE TO MAKE PREPARATIONS #PREFERABLY LESS COMPLICATED THAN THIS SHIT #HAVE YOU FUCKING HEARD THIS SONG. HAVE YOU REALLY #IT HAUNTS ME. HE WAS JUST A LITTLE GUY. #I WANT TO HOLD HIM LIKE A COOL ROCK #HE WAS SO LITTLE….. WHY IS THE WORLD SHIT……..

[cherrirui-official]

I hope u guys don't mind me posting these au doodles while I work on things ahaha

I also gave JD slightly longer hair in these doodles as a funny haha but I don't think it's funny anymore he looks genuinely good with his hair like that ahahaha I hope you're not mad at me for changing his au design a bit

#first of all ahem DONT TAG THIS AS SHIP OR WHATEVER!!! ILL THROW ROCKS AT YOU!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!! #troIlcest (or whatever you call yourselves idk) DONT TOUCH my SHIT! Ty :] anyways... #For context I like to hc that when he was younger Bruce would always have JD brush his hair #and like... whenever lil Bruce was upset it would help calm him down i think ahhauysgjiodk do u guys see the vision?? #and since it's my au i can make reality whatever i want it to be sooooo :] #I like to imagine that it still helps Bruce calm down even tho they're older now.. Big bro brushing his lil bros hair to soothe him UUGH #Let JD be a good older brother pleeease #also gave JD flowers in his hair too bc he deserves them me thinks... Now him and Bruce are matching!!! #i dont have any specific flowers in mind for the ones in their hair i just picked a color for the flowers that looked pretty and ran with i #also saying it again i love love LOOOOVE the crayon tool in mspaint using it to make gradients is so!!!! UUUGHUHHH!!!! /pos #the pattern on JD's jacket fur will never be consistent shhhhh #trolls #trolls band together #john dory trolls #trolls john dory #bruce trolls #trolls bruce #beach bros au #cherris canvas #I made that last image btw #everytime i saw that screenshot of jd it made me think of the spongebob scene where its a pov of flats waking up #and the first thing he sees is spongebob waiting for him with flowers in his hand and smiling

[clown-owo]

🤨

bonus:

#good omens spoilers #gos2spoilers #good omens #good omens season 2 #goodomensedit #aziraphale #crowley #og post #gifs #the thesis of this gifset is: #“aziraphale lies BADLY to crowley's FACE repeatedly for no reason and crowley ALWAYS takes him at his word #but crowley's the demon so he's the one who lies. apparently" #i just think its hilarious #and the fact that crowley doesn't notice aziraphale lying despite the fact he knows how he lies (see: Job) because “why would he lie to ME” #i don't think crowley thinks the inverse of aziraphale (“you're an angel. its not what you do”) because he KNOWS he lied to heaven #(again see:Job) #this took so fucking long i'd open photoshop and my computer would shit itself #even worse if i dare opened a longer video to make into several gifs #sacrificed my Firefox window to my computer like a newborn lamb so that photoshop may live but it barely even helped #apparently i do NOT have the needed ram for gifmaking #i mean i did do it. i completed it. but still #though it worked a bit better after i restarted my computer. so. maybe i should do that more frequently lmao #i tried to include “i'm a demon. i lied” but it just did not. fit. quite right

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself