#the season's going to focus a little more on syd

[anxietycroissant]

So this has stalled but in case anyone else lets stuff slip through the cracks like I do on Ao3, here’s the first chapter of my (so-far) #sydcarmy rambling story that never gets to the point. It’s four chapters so far and I’m hoping this will motivate me to keep it going.

It takes place immediately post season 2 as Carmy gets busted out of the walk-in. It’s a bit feel-good so far but that is unlikely to continue without a few bumps in the road. Enjoy! If you’re lazy I’ve literally pasted the entire first chapter into this post like an absolute champ.

Chapter 1: Mister Freeze

Late night after Friends and Family

The Bear BOH, Chicago, IL

Syd entered the kitchen quietly from the door that led outside, wiping her dry lips with the back of one shaking hand. They had actually pulled off the night, even with Carmy stuck in the walk-in. She pulled her eyes shut as she felt a low swooping sensation in her stomach as the memory of her coming so close to giving up while doing expo flashed in her mind. She never thought she’d be so thankful to Richie. He completely saved her ass. She had wanted to thank him profusely at the end of the night, but he was nowhere to be found as Tony (or was it Terry?), the fridge guy, was breaking Carmy out of the walk-in. Her fingers had begun to haltingly compose a text to Richie to see where the fuck he was, but she figured that she’d save this big conversation for another day. Her gratitude was too big for WhatsApp and that’s just how it was. Plus, what in the actual hell was making her phone so greasy? Olive oil?

Richie unexpectedly saved the day… what the fuck was that? A smile edged up the corners of her mouth until her face ached. It was funny how much she needed to remember that sometimes people can still surprise you in the best ways. She frowned, as a cousin of that thought entered her mind. People can also let you the fuck down.

Carmy was her partner, and she valued his experience and opinion above almost everything. But he really lost himself. It wasn’t so much that he broke his promise to her that he wouldn’t let her drown. It was more that he just totally broke down. She’d never known somebody who could be both so brilliant and yet so unable to cope when things got tough. Everyone had tried to talk him out of his anxiety spiral, but nothing anyone said had done any good in the end. The only person who could help Carmy was Carmy, and that sure as shit didn’t happen.

She had heard bits and pieces of things he had said to Tina from inside the walk-in as she zoomed around the kitchen trying to get things done. She didn’t find out the whole story until later. After the last tickets of the night came through and the stress level of the kitchen started to even out, she realized that until that moment she had forgotten all about Carmy. That’s the thing about working at such a high level: it’s good and bad to focus so completely on something that you totally forget any and everything else.

The moment her thoughts circles back to Carmy, she stopped checking up on everyone and walked back towards the walk-in. The familiar scent of clean, hot dishes and the lingering odor of hot oil hit her as she shuffled tiredly away. She saw the back of Nat's blonde head and could almost physically feel the worry she was directing towards the metal door of the walk-in. Nat must have felt Syd watching her and whispered, “I keep wondering why this is taking so long! Pete keeps circling the block in the car waiting for me. I just want to see if Carmy’s okay, but every time I try to talk to him through the door he won’t say anything. He’s being such a little bitch right now!” She sounded equal parts worried and disgruntled, like always. Syd smiled and cracked a yawn. “You go ahead, Nat. I promise I’ll check up on Carmy and get him home safe. You and Pete head home and rest up. You were amazing tonight, but you look a little bit like…,” her face froze as she saw Natalie’s raised eyebrows. ”Yeah. Um, what I actually meant to say was that I’ve like, got this. Yeah,” she fumbled awkwardly.

Nat just nodded, not even hearing that Syd had basically tiptoed really close to telling her that she looked like hammered shit. “Thanks, Syd. I don’t know what any of us would do without you. Text me if you need anything or if I should come back, OK? And let me know what he says, yeah? And this is a big ask, but… can you see if you can get him to eat something?” Nat rubbed her eyes, causing her mascara to smear ever so slightly. Syd wondered what her own mascara was doing at that moment. “And oh yeah,” Nat spat out with venom, “It would also be great if you could calm him the fuck down and get him to stop getting in his own freaking way all the time.” She did have the decency to grimace in apology after that last bit. Syd cocked her head to the side, already feeling defeated. “Should I be like, taking notes, Nat? Or is that all?” Nat let out a harsh laugh and squeezed Syd’s shoulder, practically racing out the door. ‘Fuck,’ thought Sydney , ‘She’s leaving before I can change my damn mind.’

Syd leaned her back against the wall, and slowly sank to the floor to wait for Carmy to get out. She waited a few minutes longer before the guy whose name probably began with a T finished with the door. Before he opened the door, he said, “Hey, no offense, Syd… but can I get paid before I open this door? Carm has been saying some weird shit and I just want to get the hell out of here.” Syd nodded distractedly, running a hand along her braids. She reminded him just to bill them. She was not going to call Nat back in right now to ask what the new process for paying contractors was. And honestly, she wasn’t dying to know how much money it was going to set them back to have this emergency work done. Mystery Man just shrugged, his gesture seeming to mean that he didn’t trust her promises but that he was too tired to care. “Thanks so much for helping, have a great night!” Syd called out as Terry or Tim or Tony made a beeline for the exit.

‘Well, shit’ , Syd thought. 'He didn’t even open the door all the way.' She hoped she could. As she pushed, the door swung cleanly on its hinges until it was all the way open. She stepped in, the cool air a welcome change from the warm kitchen against her flushed skin. Carmy was just sitting there staring at the floor, seemingly unaware that he was free. With his arms wrapped around himself, he had his head down in between his knees. His blonde curls obscured his eyes, so she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Syd let herself sink down next to him. She cautiously put an arm around him and wrapped her palm around his shoulder. The cold of his shoulder reached up and bit her. He tensed up immediately but relaxed a bit when he realized it was her arm and not someone else’s.

“Syd,” he whispered hoarsely, “I’m so sorry, Chef. I’m so, so sorry.” He either didn’t have the energy or the will to look at her. “I broke my promise to you already.” He seemed so bereft, so adrift, that Syd couldn’t even voice her anger or disappointment at that moment. “Carmy,” she said softly, “Let’s get you out of here and then talk about it.” She kept her arm around his freezing shoulder but got onto her knees so she could leverage her weight to help him stand up. She thought he would put up more of a fight, but he got up willingly enough. She dragged him over to his locker and then helped him into his wool jacket, and had to physically pull his feet out of his Birkenstocks and put them into his sneakers. It was a bit worrying, the way he was accepting her help without question. She got her bag out and changed her own clothes and shoes, and then they walked out to his car. He just stood there, so she told him she was driving him home. He didn’t argue, didn't smoke a cigarette, didn't give her shit. It all kind of worried her.

The atmosphere in the car was tense and quiet as soon as the doors shut. Syd turned on the radio to fill the silence. She was thankful that at least they weren’t listening to any of his fucking depressing music. Syd, under the guise of running a hand through her hair to tuck a loose braid behind her ear, was really sneaking multiple sidelong glances at Carmy as she drove to his place. To his credit, he wasn’t giving anything away. His blue eyes just stared straight ahead, devoid of any emotion. She kept hoping she could think of something to say, but her brain was maxed out. Also, she was pretty sure there was trash or something under the gas pedal, and she needed to focus on not killing them in a fiery car crash. Carmy started mumbling something as they approached his neighborhood, apparently to himself. Syd sighed and eventually found parking underneath a tree by his building.

Even later that night

Carmy’s apartment

The two of them slowly walked up many, many stairs to his apartment. Syd figured that this was the only way left to find a decent apartment in Chicago; find something on the hundredth floor with no elevator. She twisted the key in the lock and opened his door. They both stumbled inside. Carmy waved at her as he slowly slurred, “Thanks, Syd. Go home and get some sleep. You killed it tonight.” She gave him a half smile and nodded. But as she started to turn around and head for the door, something didn’t quite feel right. She whipped her head back around and caught Carmy shivering. He had apparently waited to fall apart until after she left. “Carm, what the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me you were so cold? We had the heat on high the whole way here,” Syd huffed, losing what little patience she had left. “We could have saved time going to the ER!” At that thought, Carmy really looked at her. And he looked scared. “Syd, please,” he whispered, “No doctors, okay? I just can’t. I’m so tired and those places freak me the fuck out.”

“All right, Carm, but I can’t leave you alone- and we’ve got to get you warm.” He just looked at her, utterly spent and waiting on her next move. “Shit,” she thought. Maybe he has mild hypothermia? Is that a thing? Can you be just a little bit frozen? She Googled it and it was a thing. She also Googled if spiraling makes hypothermia worse, but the only thing that Google advised against was hot baths. Not super helpful, but good to know? She was torn between calling an ambulance and trying to fix him herself. If she was being honest, she didn’t have the energy to convince Carmy to willingly leave in an ambulance. And she certainly didn’t have the capacity right now to get him down those stairs on her own. She sighed and decided to put the kettle on. His depressing apartment wasn’t helping either.

“OK, Carm, let’s get you into something warmer,” she said dully. He just stood there, so she slipped into his bedroom. Pulling open drawers that barely slid open, she found some sweatpants that somehow looked like normal sweatpants but also like an artisan had handcrafted them in a long-forgotten Italian village. As she ran her hands across the expensive fabric, she wondered where he shopped. And when did he shop? Did he secretly have a massive online shopping addiction, or did he spend every day off buying expensive as fuck sweatpants and obscure white t-shirts? After grabbing the sweatpants, she found a thick, long-sleeved tee. She also grabbed some boxers and thick socks.

As she padded back to Carmen, she saw that he was shivering more than ever. “Arms up, dude,” she said sternly. He put them up without a fight, although they shook slightly. She pulled up his shirt, catching her knuckles on his chest as she did. His skin felt like ice. ‘Shit,’ she thought. New clothes weren’t going to be enough. She slid the new shirt over his head anyway and helped him pull his arms through the sleeves. She tried not to stare at his body while he was in this vulnerable state, but it was an exercise in control. Because all of his muscles were on full display less than a couple of centimeters away from her eyes. If she had had more time, she’d have taken a mental inventory of a few new-to-her tattoos. Her face felt hot all of a sudden and she shook her head to stay on task.

He managed to get his shit together for a second and changed his pants and boxers in his bathroom with the door (halfway?) closed. He was taking too long, so she pushed the door open and pulled him back out. She gave him a long look, sighing. She didn’t like what she saw. A wax version of a person stood in front of her, without substance or colour. Maybe it was just her, but he looked even paler than usual. His skin normally had a golden undertone with a blush of red ready to rise up just underneath the surface of his skin. Not that Syd had perfectly cataloged the colors of his skin in her memory or anything. Because that would be a new level of weirdness. Just then the tea kettle began to whistle. Sydney took some dusty mugs down from his cabinet and some even dustier tea bags, making tea for them both.

She dragged Carmy to sit down on the edge of his bed and handed him the scalding hot cup of tea. He looked at it, then at her, and then back at the tea again. “Syd,” he trailed off. “I’m fucking cold.” Syd looked up at the ceiling. Why did this shit always happen to her? How did she find herself in these situations? She felt like she was in a really random episode of a TV show with endless seasons, like Grey's Anatomy. This scenario had played out at least a time or two on that series, she thought to herself.

She gestured to Carmy to take off his shirt. “It’s either that or we go to the hospital,” she warned, as he looked at her in disbelief. “We have to get you warmed up somehow, and I’m afraid to put you in the shower when you’re this cold. If you fall and pass out, I don’t think I can pick you back up. I know we’re the same height, but fuck, dude, I don’t work out!” He let her come closer and take his shirt off. The collar got stuck on his nose for a second, and Syd heard a high laugh escape from her mouth. “Cool, super cool,” Syd thought. “Real chill.”

She gently pushed Carmy down onto his pillow and then laid down beside him. She pulled the covers over them both and wrapped her arms gently around his body. His eyes were tightly shut, and his shivering shook them both. “Syd… I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this,” he whispered through chattering teeth. “Hey,” Syd whispered excitedly, “you said two whole sentences! That’s more than you’ve said in the last hour!” Her grin faded as she saw the misery etched on Carmy’s face. His body felt tense like he would bolt if he could. Did he really hate this so much, or was he simply ashamed to be so weak in front of her ?

“Hey, Carm, it’s just me. You can relax, let’s just... You know? Get you warm, ok? You’re totally fine. We’re just cuddling, right? Nothing scary is happening. It’s just me.” But then a sudden realization hit her. “Oh fuck,” she thought, cringing inwardly. He has a girlfriend. Who is an ER doctor? Of course he’s tense. “Carm, should I call Claire? I’m sure you’d much rather her do this, right? Especially since she’s a… fuck… I don’t know? Actual doctor who knows what she’s doing? I can’t believe I’m such an idiot! I’m so sorry!” But Carmy just shook his head, pressing it into her shoulder. He was mumbling, but his voice sounded much clearer than it had just a little while ago. “So Claire kind of heard me say some shit while I was locked in the walk-in. Yeah, I thought I was talking to Tina, but I guess Tina left? And I’m paraphrasing but I am pretty sure I told her she wasn’t worth all of this time? Pretty sure we’re broken up. So. Yeah. Please don’t fucking call her, Syd.” Carmy dragged his hands through his hair, which at this point made little to no difference. His hair was already wild after his jaunt in the walk-in.

Syd didn’t know what to say, because she had never known how to feel about Claire in the first place. Claire was fine? Perfect on paper, but not for Carmy. “Syd?” Carmy had apparently asked her a question. “Sorry,” Syd replied, “Are you okay? Uh.. fuck, you’ve had a bad night. I guess you were under a lot of pressure though. If you say you’re sorry and you didn’t mean it, I’m sure she’ll understand.” Syd believed this to be true while wanting it not to be true at the same time. She had that odd feeling of missing a step while walking down the stairs deep in her belly.

Carmy’s nose felt like ice against where it was wedged against her shoulder. “Look, I feel bad about how I said it, but I’m also relieved.” She could feel him smile slightly, the first bit of life she’d seen from him since the walk-in had been cut open. “I always really liked her, you know? And when we started hanging out, it was cool. But she got to see me when I was ok. I don’t think she ever saw that side of me, where I get angry or anxious or throw up or just guzzle Tums. For a while, I thought it was fine. But it’s not. And she reminds me of being a little kid. And like of how I was in high school. And that’s not her fault, I know. But I can’t be with her.” He sighed. “I’m not explaining it well at all, I know. But I’m glad it’s you here and not anyone else. I don’t think I could take it.” Sydney nodded, understanding immediately. “I get it,” she murmured softly.

She looked down and saw that her hand was lightly rubbing his back. His very naked, very muscular back. She felt the heat radiate from her cheeks, down through her arms and legs, and into the sheets. She was very, very thankful that Carmy was still out of it. Too out of it to notice that she was losing her damn mind. As her hands slowly rubbed up and down, she felt Carmy’s muscles relax bit by bit. He even felt a bit warmer now. Still fucking cold, but she didn’t think he needed the hospital anymore. He felt like he’d just come in from playing in the snow. The mental image of Carmy as a boy, coming inside from building a snowman, appeared in her mind’s eye. She had to bite down a smile.

“What?” whispered Carmy softly. “What made you smile just now? Where did you go?” Syd just shook her head. “It’s too embarrassing,” she admitted. “I’m sure it’s definitely more fucking embarrassing than what I’ve experienced tonight,” he deadpanned. She chuckled as he cracked a grin. “I was just thinking that now you don’t feel like ice anymore, and then I thought that now you feel like you’re just cold from playing outside. Like kids do after it snows.” Carmy pulled back to look at her. “Do you think we’d have been friends if we’d known each other back then?” he asked. “I don’t know,” answered Syd truthfully, staring up at the ceiling. “I was a major nerd. And I was also a lot younger than you. Four years was a big difference back then. That’s like ten years in kid years.”

Carmy stared at her. “Four years isn’t much anymore, though,” he breathed. ‘Fuck,’ thought Sydney desperately. ‘Don’t look at me like that with those eyes.” He scrunched up his blue eyes. “What do you mean?” He asked. “Oh, fuck. Did I say that out loud?” She laughed nervously. “Syd,” he stared at her as he shifted a bit closer to her. “What do you mean?” he repeated softly. There was no judgment in his eyes. He just wanted to understand.

“Jesus Christ, Carmy, you have to know that your blue eyes are enough to stop traffic. People in small villages would probably have a parade to celebrate that shit.” She shut her eyes tight and waited him out. She slowly opened one eye. Yep, still staring at her. He was smiling at her sadly. “I don’t think anyone is gonna throw a parade for me any time soon, “he replied. “But they definitely would for you.” She wrinkled up her face as though she had swallowed a mouthful of vinegar.

“Syd, you’re worse at taking a compliment than I am, fuck. You don’t see it, but you’re everything. Everyone loves you, you’re incredibly talented, and you- yeah, you’re just everything,” he sighed. “I don’t deserve you,” he says as he pushed a stray braid out of her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Syd,” he repeated.

Syd suddenly couldn’t think of anything to say, and her mouth was dry. As Carmy gazed into her eyes, she felt herself on the edge of something, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to go over. Trying to hang onto some semblance of normalcy, she squeezed his shoulder in reply. Carmy, whose arms had until now been resting at his sides, reached up to wrap an arm around her waist. She felt her skin warm at his touch, which was weird, right? The heat wasn't coming from his body; that was for sure. Was she freaking out? Was she breathing weirdly? Could he tell? Oh God. He seemed so calm, and she was losing her mind. Apparently not noticing her awkwardness, Carmy moved closer. She could feel his soft curls touching her cheek. She could feel his chest pressed into hers, soft and reassuring. He even smelled? Cold, somehow?

“Syd? This is really nice,” he whispered, stroking her back. “Carmy, why does your breath smell like spices?” Sydney couldn’t help but giggle. Carmy should smell like cigarettes and soap, and she finds the difference strange. “I was hitting the walk-in door, you know?” Carmy said softly, “And I accidentally knocked over a container of cloves. Luckily it was almost empty, but I got a fucking mouthful. It was intense.” He was staring at her again. She felt the places where his fingers touched her burn with electricity.

“I like cloves,” Syd said stupidly. Her cheeks started burning, and she groaned. “Don’t listen to me,” she murmured. “I’m fucking delirious.” She chanced another look at Carmy. Yep, still staring. “Syd,” he said quietly. “Look at me.” She forced herself to meet his gaze. She caught him looking at her mouth. He quickly looked up and had the decency to apologize with a look. He slowly brought a hand up to her cheek, feeling her soft skin. “Do you- can I-“ his words were cut off as Sydney suddenly sat straight up in his bed, causing his arms to fall away from her. “Carmy,” Syd breathed, “I.. I just can’t. I don’t know how to do this. After everything tonight- and Claire- and you probably had hypothermia just now- it’s a lot.” Carmy squeezed her hand in understanding. “Syd, I get it. I’m sorry. I should not have put you in this position tonight.”

Syd smiled sadly, her dark eyes wide. “But Carmy? I liked this. You know, except for the part where I had to basically carry you up the stairs. And the whole me worrying about you having hypothermia part? So ok now that I’m hearing myself a lot of it actually sucked? But also I got to see at least 17 tattoos I’ve never seen before, and I’m also not saying no, OK? I just think we need some time.” She got up then to stop vomiting out words. Carmy rolled out of bed too, swaying slightly as he stood. He put his arms around her in a tight hug. She leaned her slender body into him for a second, forgetting everything she’d just said. “Text me when you’re home safe?” he asked. His eyes smoldered. Syd was pretty sure she had never smoldered at anyone. “Yeah,” Sydney said unevenly. She somehow turned around and walked to the door without passing out. As she closed the door, she saw him, still staring at her. And “Jesus Christ, fuck me,” she thought. “Those abs. Will I see those abs again?”

As she walked towards the train, she looked at her phone and saw several messages and missed calls from Nat, each one more frantic than the last. She called her immediately, explaining that she had stayed with Carmy until he warmed up. She mentioned making the tea and helping him change his clothes, but she left out the rest. Natalie thanked her profusely before hanging up. Eyebrows raised, Syd threw her hands up as she walked. Being a human was so confusing sometimes.

#ao3 #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #sydcarmy #the bear fx #the bear

[turbulenthandholding]

The Bear Season 3 Musical Speculation: Sydcarmy Edition

After all of the discussion of what songs from Monster could end up in The Bear season 3 last week, I have been inspired to take a look at R.E.M.'s other albums to speculate which song (or songs) might pop up in The Bear season 3.

I'm going to do it in three parts: this one, which is focused on Sydcarmy (and extrapolating what song could pick up where Strange Currencies leaves off), followed by two additional parts - general songs and a totally unserious third part.

There has been a lot of excellent meta about how, with the panic attack scene in s2e9, Strange Currencies actually ends up being a Sydcarmy song.  (This post by @myloveismineallminee is a great example, as are this post by @chansoooo1-blog, this post by @bellassima, and others)

In thinking about season 3 and the importance that R.E.M. songs have played in the show so far, it makes sense to me that they will carry forward what they have been indicating about Carmy and Sydney’s relationship:

these words, you will be mine

these words, you will me mine, all the time

But using another R.E.M. song that is an emotional sequel to Strange Currencies.  Strange Currencies is, as @thoughtfulchaos773 says here, a song about wooing (see tags especially). These are the songs that I think could be that and make (at least some) sense to continue and expand upon that in a season 3 arc.

My seven song ideas follow - definitely interested in hearing what people think!

Be Mine (New Adventures in Hi-Fi)

@thoughtfulchaos773 has posted about this one before here and I agree.

Mike on Bus version from 25 year anniversary edition (this one is even lovelier than the original Album version)

It’s a little obsessive, and totally focused (I need your focus like you need mine), and fits a potential deepening of their relationship.  The lyrics of the whole song apply, but to choose a section:

you and me, you and me

you and me, you and me

and if you make me your religion

I'll give you all the room you need

I'll be the drawing of your breath

I'll be the cup if you should bleed

Hairshirt (Green)

Album version

A hairshirt is a very uncomfortable shirt made of animal hair that would be worn as a self-imposed form of penitence to self-punish or repent something, for religious reasons.  To me, Hairshirt is a song about letting go of the things that you have used to punish yourself (or held over yourself or others’ expectations or any number of other things) to be able to embrace a relationship with someone.  This fits their story to me in that both are working through grief and past trauma; they likely will need to let some of it go to be able to fully embrace each other.

And hang your hairshirt on the lowest rung

It’s a beautiful life

And I can hang my hairshirt

Away up high in the attic of the wrong dog’s life chest

Or bury it at sea

All my life, I’ve searched for this

Here I am, here I am

In your life, it’s a beautiful life

My life, it’s a beautiful life

Your life

You’re In The Air (Up)

Album version

The lyrics of this one are a little more generic, but it does feel like something of a follow-on thought to Strange Currencies.

Key lyrics:

You wanted a challenge that’s calling you higher

I landed on my feet by crawling

I remember standing alone trying to forget you, idling

I hate to admit that that’s my reference point

But there it is, you say you want me

I’m what you found, I’m upside down

You’re in the air, you're in the air, and I am breathing…

You Are The Everything (Green)

Album version

I have posted about this before - and it’s kind of a nice call back to the line in s1e3 Brigade when Carmy tells Syd, “you, you are everything else.”

I interpret this song a bunch of different ways, not all of them romantic, but I think it does make sense in a romantic context here, especially with the kitchen lyric (especially knowing the way that Storer and Senior have no qualms about cutting songs at the points where the lyrics make the most sense to the story they are trying to tell - see also: In Too Deep by Genesis in s1e3 Brigade as well as Strange Currencies, in the panic attack scene in s2e9.

Key lyrics:

I think about this world a lot and I cry

And I've seen the films and the eyes

But I'm in this kitchen 

Everything is beautiful

…

You are here with me

You are here with me

You have been here and you are everything

Perfect Circle (Murmur)

Album version; this live version has me by the freaking throat

Perfect Circle is a gorgeous love-ish song; Michael Stipe has said the song is about longing in a relationship but that it could mean lots of different things. a perfect circle of acquaintances and friends speaks to the found family aspect of The Bear. It’s about the vibes to me for this one; depending on how it could be used it could mean many, many different things, including love.

Key lyrics:

Put your hair back, we get to leave

Eleven gallows on your sleeve

Shallow figured winner's paid

Eleven shadows way out of place

Standing too soon, shoulders high in the room

Me, Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando and I (Collapse Into Now)

Album version

Me, Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando and I is a song about heroes and idolization.  I’m not exactly sure that it’s relevant for season 3 but it does feel like it is a song relevant to Sydney and Carmy.  Certainly by this point in their personal and professional relationships, any blinders she had about him as someone followed his career, are gone.  He’s very much a real person to her and she definitely sees him in his entirety rather than someone to be held up on a pedestal.  It’s probably not super likely for season 3, but I feel like there’s a least a little bit of a through line here and wanted to mention it.

Key lyrics:

Sift through the annals of our flavored times

Our heroes and all their fatal flaws

Me, Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando and I, sing

Lay me down, down, down, down

Lay me down, down, down, down, down

Help me off to sleep

Take me deep again

Animal (In Time)

Album Version 

This one is admittedly a little out there as a suggestion.  But there's something to me about Carmy’s mental state at the end of s2e10 (“I'm a fucking psycho.  That's why, that's why I'm good at what I do.”) that really speaks to his inner animal, but then adding into that the way that the table scene in S2E9 sets his and Syd’s relationship (in all of its facets) apart and as something that helps instead of hurts his focus…it feels like this song brings both of those elements together.  

Key lyrics:

Hey, what's the big deal?

Tell me how to feel?

I know where we boomeranged and fell from grace

Point me to the stars

I'm up for the chase

I know where we fell on our face

Jump with me, you jump with me

…

I am vibrating at the speed of light

Take my hand, we'll wind up the night

Spin me, win me, lift me, kiss me

Trip me, trust me, cuss me, judge me

Touch me now, you take my hand

You trust me now, you understand

So, what's the big deal-

I'm an animal

(The answer landed on my rooftop. Whoa.)

I'm an animal

(The future and the truth, on my rooftop. Whoa.)

I'm an animal

(It's calling me to work it out.) (Whoa)

I am vibrating at the speed of light

#sydcarmy #r.e.m. in the bear #the bear season 3 speculation #the bear music #carmen x sydney #carmy x sydney

[comphy-and-cozy]

what is happening for jt’s birthday in the a dream come true universe? if anything. love your work!!

thank you so much 🥹 an excellent question—I could never let my mans go without celebrating his bday!

this pic is a visual summary (everyone say thank you syd for nearly ending my life today) but I detailed a little more below the cut 😏

requests temporarily open for compher content 🫶🏼

adult themes/graphic content below (18+ ONLY)

the wings are in super focus mode with the 2 most important games of the season happening this week, so nothing over the top despite what you might want to do (it is the first birthday you're celebrating together, after all). he had morning practice this AM, but you didn't miss the opportunity to wake him up with your head bobbing up and down underneath the sheets.

after that, he spent much of the morning/early afternoon at the rink, followed by lunch with a couple of the guys—andrew, shayne, dylan, daniel, and lucas. he's not big on the public fanfare, doesn't want to make it a big thing, but he does make a lot of sarcastic quips about being the center of your attention.

you made reservations at a restaurant in birmingham, insisting on taking him out to a nice steak dinner and a bottle of expensive wine—one of his favorites. his cheeks flush when you present him with the gift you carefully wrapped, a quiet hum of thanks and appreciation.

and after? you make sure his special day ends the best way you know how: on top of him, your hands tangled in his hair with his fingers gripping your waist while you whine out your birthday boy's name.

#asks #jt's bday celebration #eyesthatroll #a dream come true #jt compher

[nicoleanell]

DEAR FESTIVIDDER,

Welcome and thank you in advance!! As I say every year (or every-other-year when I partcipate) these are just some thoughts, but feel free to focus on different characters/storylines/etc. I'm excited to see anything you're inspired to make from the sources below!

I also tagged all the fandoms so you can see how often I reblog stuff about them, consider it a vidding vision board. :D

If you're checking out any of these sources for the first time, content warning for some blood/gore in Renfield (played for comedy) and blood, jumpscares, animal death in Midnight Mass.

Film (Safety)

Renfield (2023) - Listen. Cinema peaked when Robert Montague Renfield decorated his little apartment in bright '70s colors and kitty cat bedsheets to Lizzo, and then peaked a second time when Ben Schwartz snorted a centipede. This movie is bloody camp nonsense but somehow also an earnest abuse recovery/revenge fantasy, and it gave me Emotions and a crush on Nicholas Hoult. His giant sad eyes and self-empowerment arc mean the world to me.

Television

Abbott Elementary - Wholesome sitcom in the vein of Parks & Rec following teachers in a Philadelphia elementary school (as a child of two public school teachers it hits close to my heart). I'd kinda like to see an Ava vid, she's so entertainingly terrible but then has great moments of growth as well. Or one centered on Janine, Janine/Gregory, or just any kind of fun ensemble thing!

The Afterparty - Murder mystery comedy with the twist that each episode, a character gives their version of events in the style of different genre parodies. Honestly I'd be fine with just a season 1 vid because I liked it more than season 2. (With the exception of S2 giving me the Sapphic Wes Anderson Movie of my dreams.) S1 had just about a perfect ensemble (Yasper being a highlight) and great execution of the Rashomon-style premise.

The Bear - Drama/dramedy set in the chaotic back-of-house world of a Chicago restaurant. I love how real the environment, relationships, and characters of this show feel. I adore Ayo Edebiri so I'd especially like a vid centered on Sydney, her ambitions and anxiety and passion, but again anything that inspires you about the show would make me happy! I love everyone in this dysfunctional restaurant fam. I don't really ship Syd with Carmy so I'd prefer not an explicitly romancey vid.

Midnight Mass - There's a venn diagram between Catholic Trauma and Vampires that Mike Flanagan seemed to crack like nobody else ever has lol. After Hill House (which I got an incredible vid for a couple years ago) this is my favorite of his horror-drama miniseries, I really love the mood and themes it explores about faith/religion a source of both comfort and harm. Pretty much a "do whatever you want with this source" request!

Web Series/Internet Content

Dimension 20 - There's a lot of source here and even I haven't made it through all the older intrepid heroes campaigns yet (not to mention all the side quests). I've basically seen everything from A Court of Fey and Flowers onward. Favorites include Neverafter, A Crown of Candy, and I'm really enjoying the current Burrow's End series. But honestly if there's any season or mini-season or general vibe YOU especially love and would like to focus on, feel free to do so! And if you want to incorporate stuff like art, minis, fan sources, or just rely on the player dynamics, go for it. I love basically everybody but special shout-out to Lou Wilson.

Amaury Guichon (the chocolate guy) (Youtube/Tiktok/he also had a Netflix show) - Guichon is a French-Swiss pastry chef known for making elaborate, edible chocolate sculptures, and posting usually wordless montage videos of his process. I'm just kinda curious what a Chocolate Guy vid would look like! Watching his videos and the work that goes into each piece is so fascinating, and he has a really charming and pleasant vibe. Love the technical skill, the commitment to the bit, and the fact they often look like they taste good on top of it!

#festivids #chef amaury #dimension 20 #midnight mass #the bear #the afterparty #renfield #abbott elementary

[unladyboss]

TWO BOYS ONE GIRL: THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARCUS SYDNEY AND CARMY

Remember how I posted that I feel like there's some extremely drawing parallels between Marcus and Carmy's life that the show runners are doing? Where whatever happens in Carmy's life happens in Marcus' life but a less intense version, more benign. Like if it was Carmy's life without the addiction and chaos and drama?

Well remember season 2 episode 9 ?

HERE WE GO

Season 2 episode 8 kinda 🩸 bleeds into this.

CARMY sleeps with Claire in ep 8 and that starts us off. We see SYD putting her chef's coat on, and it has stains on it, that she can't get off, on the lower part of the coat.

CARMY seems to be upset, groggy, having regrets maybe, out if sorts, the next morning at the restaurant .

Syd asks for his focus, he says he understands.

Syd and Carmy go together to review Marcus desserts and that whole time it seems like both guys have this conscious and subconscious pull for Syd's attention. Subconscious kiss from Carmy, Marcus consciously reminding Syd that Carmy ruined her namesake donut 'like a little bitch'

CARMY admitting he's an A*hole. Syd forgiving him.

Marcus getting a gift from Copenhagen that Carmy is curious about...

So when Carmy goes away, Marcus asks Syd out, she turns him down but there's a series of ' fu-k fu-k fu-k ' that comes from Syd and one fu-k from Marcus. (Which parallels Carmy's night with Claire but Carmy had the actual physical act)

Sydney is shaken, and thrown off her game and groggy now.

Remember in this parallels thing the show runners are doing, it's the milder version of what happened with Carmy but without the chaos, addiction, drama.

Then Marcus tries to talk to her but she's busy, doesn't hear and he blows up at her asking if she's ignoring him because she's mad at him (Carmy's version of 'we good')

A little later, Marcus finds a way to bond with Sydney again, over Josh, who has an addiction.

Syd says it just can't be true, Marcus says it's wild.

The difference in the two types of scenarios is that Marcus makes proper amends quickly and in Carmy's world it gets rubbed away and not dealt with. Marcus tries to get Syd to acknowledge when he feels that something is off or weird between them, but Syd always says IT'S FINE. I used to get angry at Marcus for pushing that 😭 issue but I'm thinking now that the show runners might be wanting to use Marcus to show Sydney that she has to open her eyes to what's happening in front of her. Some things are not fine, some things are actually weird.

CARMY is NOT ok. He screamed that to her when he first got locked in the walk-in.

Carmy's screaming for Syd may have been for comfort but he kept saying Get Syd, Get Syd, Get Syd. That could be because they really need to GET Syd, she needs to SEE something, TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING. (Also to tell her his stash isn't there)

This is happening when Carmy is locked in the fridge (with himself his own addiction and chaos)

We think it's all about Carmy but Syd (and Marcus) are big factors too. It's how Carmy's problem is affecting the way they behave too

I'm looking forward to next 10 seasons.

#marcus #marcus syd #marcus sydney #love #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #carmy x syd #the bear #slow burn #romance #relationship #carmy x claire #sydcarmy #addiction #parallel universe #thebearfx #restaurant #food #cooking #carmen berzatto #sydney carmy

[matsbarzal]

#6 angst “just breathe, it's okay. it'll be okay." with mat barzal? 🥺

(also if you could make it gender neutral / non-binary reader for your favorite hopeless trans, I would love you forever 💙💙💙 but absolutely no worries if not!!)

angst #6. "just breathe, it's okay. it'll be okay."

word count: 1.3k pairing: mat barzal x gn!reader warnings: mentions of panic attack, anxiety

It wasn’t that you didn’t like going to Islanders’ events with Mat, it wasn’t that at all. Mat always stood by your side, eager to have you meet everyone, eager to introduce his partner to all his friends and fans. He always matched your outfits, always going out of his way to make sure the two of you looked great standing side-by-side.

It was the fact that all these events were so crowded, so overbearing, like you couldn’t walk away for five minutes without being hounded by the next person eager to talk about Mat, or about the Islanders’ success. You loved everyone you met, truly, but you could only last so long before the crowds, the noise, before everything finally just… got to you.

Mat knew how you felt about the events, knew that sometimes you just had to disappear into a bathroom, or out into the hall to catch a breather.

“Y/N’s okay, they just need a bit of a breather. Packed rooms like this and all these people aren’t really their forte.”

He never questioned your decision to take a walk, or a breather, constantly shooting you looks from wherever he was standing with Tito or Anders, eyeing you to make sure you were alright. Mat knew that crowds weren’t your thing, but he always tried to push you a bit, push you to get out of your comfort zone, push you to do things you wouldn’t have done without him.

It was something you appreciated immensely, especially because Mat always knew when enough was enough and that the push and the encouragement were going too far. Until tonight.

Casino Night was always one of the biggest events of the year for Islanders’ loyalist fans. And it was one of Mat’s favourite events out of all the one’s the team hosted throughout the season. He always said something about helping kids and knowing the money was going to a good cause made it worth dealing with loads of people for one night, something you had to force yourself to agree with.

That’s how you found yourself here, dressed to the nines and pressed into Mat’s side as he introduced you to people you didn’t already know. The room was slowly becoming more and more crowded as you both weaved your way in and out of groups of people, stopping occasionally whenever Mat recognized someone from previous events.

You could feel the anxiety starting to bubble up inside of you, your stomach churning every time a polite smile crossed across your lips to greet another person. Your shoulders had been tensed up since the two of you arrived at the event, only to strain more and more as the night slowly dragged on.

“You okay, love? Your hands are shaking, wanna go for a walk?”

Shaking your head at his worsts, you gently squeezed his hand in response, a tight smile lining your lips. “I’m okay, just getting a little overwhelmed. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

Pressing your lips to the edge of his cheek, Mat smiled brightly and squeezed your hand a little tighter, pulling the side of your body flush against the side of his. It didn’t take long for him to have to depart from you, his services needed at the Blackjack table to relieve Anthony of his duties for the next hour, promising you that he’d be back the moment he could get away.

Anthony smiled in greeting as he approached you, standing off to the side, observing the event.

“Big turnout tonight, eh?”

“God, you’re so Canadian. Eh?”

Laughing, all Anthony did was shrug as he looked around at his teammates and fans, the chatter evident in the room, the music from the stereos not blocking out the sounds of people enjoying their night.

“You having fun? Barzy said you weren’t the biggest fan of big crowds and huge events like this, but that you promised you’d come an’ shit. Just lemme’ know if you want to escape for a little bit at all, I know the perfect hiding place in this place. Mat and I dipped like… six times last year to go hide and shotgun a beer in peace,” a sparkle was evident in his eyes, a grin taking over his cheeks as he reminisced on the year prior.

Shrugging your shoulders with a small nod to your head, you surveyed the people around you. “It’s nice, I’m happy it’s all for a good cause which makes it worth it. Maybe I’ll go toss some money into Matt’s basket, see if I can steal Syd’s husband and convince him to bring their baby with him for the day.”

“They really know how to make some beautiful kids, huh?”

Nodding your head with a laugh, Anthony just grinned as he bid you a quick goodbye, maneuvering himself around you and towards the agent that was eagerly trying to get his attention.

Peering around you, you realized you didn’t recognize any of the surrounding people. Mat’s teammates were all at their stations, the few that weren’t were catered up to the front, the bidding war for a day with an Islander about to begin.

You could feel the skin on your arm start to itch, the air flowing through your lips becoming shallow as you tried to make out your surroundings. The feeling of your legs tensing up just another indication that you had to get yourself out of the room, and quickly. Which is how you found your legs moving before your brain could even comprehend what you were doing, pushing yourself out of the exit of the hall and towards the closest bench you could find.

Trying to calm your breathing through your nose and your mouth were impossible, the pace becoming quicker and quicker as you gripped the edge of the bench, your knuckles going white the harder your hands clenched. Every time you let out a breath of air, you could feel as it scratched against the dryness of your throat, your stomach churning as the nausea began to take over, the tears swimming in your eyes and making it impossible to make out anything, or anyone in front of you.

You jumped the moment you felt a hand on your arm. “Hey… hey. It’s okay, it’s alright. Just breathe, it’s okay. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Pushing yourself closer into Mat, you felt his arm wrap around you gently, his hand gently caressing up and down your back as he whispered calming words into your ear. His fingertips were light as they feathered across your back, your brain trying to focus solely on that and the sound of his voice.

“It’s alright. It’s okay, I sound like a recorder, but it’s okay. We’ll go home, it’s alright. Everyone will understand, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone, especially when you still barely know anyone. I’m sorry.”

Shaking your head, you gripped onto Mat’s head tightly, aggressively shaking your head as he looked at you worriedly.

“It’s not your fault, I just… I hate crowds. So much. There were too many things going on at once, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize how overwhelmed I was until it was too late, I’m sorry.”

The panic was still evident in the way your hands shook, the shallow breaths that continued to fall from your mouth as Mat held onto you gently, the way your throat was dry and sore, the heaviness in your eyes evoking a headache almost immediately.

“Why don’t we go to Denny’s? Or like… anywhere other than here? I’m bored anyways, how do some pancakes sound? Or some waffles? Maybe a parfait if you’re feeling a little frisky?”

A small laugh fell from your lips as you nodded your head at him, his kind eyes and his kind words convincing you that everything would be okay. His endearment and willingness to sit there and hold you as you calmed down, to sit there and whisper kind and soothing things in your ear the push you needed to get up, to follow him wherever he wanted to go next.

note: i hope this was perfect to your request, love!!! thank you for requesting, and i hope you enjoy <3

#mat barzal #nhl fic #nhl drabble #nhl blurb #hockey drabble #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fic #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal blurb #mat barzal drabble #nhl fics #nhl drabbles #nhl blurbs #hockey blurbs #hockey drabbles #hockey writing #hockey one shot #nhl writing #dj's august prompt list

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things- Repeating History

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and alcohol. Canon typical violence.

A/N: this takes place during season 3 episode 11, birthright. i had a lot of fun studying this episode and making it my own. i have changed certain dialogue and who says what for the sake of the story. please enjoy!

The Purest Things Masterlist

(my gif! please credit if you use.)

january 2008

Syd Moore said, “Disregard for the past will never do us any good. Without it we cannot know truly who we are.”

+++++

Your alarm is often hushed before it even has an opportunity to set off nowadays because you usually wake up before it even has the chance.

4:25 A.M.

You groan and toss your pillow over your face. Maybe, just maybe, you can will yourself to sleep for a little longer. As if someone heard your pleas for slumber, your phone starts buzzing on your bedside table. Of course, it is unnecessary for you even to read the messages. There is a case.

+++++

"Last night in Fredericksburg, a 20-year-old woman, Molly McCarthy, was abducted," J.J. begins, "She's the third to go missing in the last 6 weeks. All disappeared from public places. No one's seen them since until now. A couple days ago, body parts with cigarette burns were recovered from a national park that was once the site of the battle of Chancellorsville."

"Were they able to make an I.D.?" you and Hotch ask simultaneously. Your eyes meet, but he breaks the contact abruptly. Flustered and insecure, you bury your focus deep into the file in front of you. The group discusses the case for a couple of minutes, but you are so concentrated on the papers that you hardly absorb any information they've shared.

There is something familiar about this case to you. Suddenly, realization strikes.

Rejoining the discussions, you say, "I remember reading about a case like this in Spotsylvania county. Similar markings on the bone. It was the winter of 1980, also in Fredericksburg. There were 5 women aged 16 to 24. They were buried in pieces."

"Same markings. Same civil war battlefield," J.J. responds in agreement.

The team agrees that this could be the works of the same killer. There are aspects of the more recent killings that would be impossible to copycat since those details had never been released to the public. But, if this is the same unsub, what's he been doing for the past 27 years?

+++++

Hotch focuses on the road while you watch out the window of the passenger seat. Occasionally, you sneak the odd peek at him. His stoicism is alluring, and you find yourself drawn to this demeanor like a moth to a flame. Piecing together the tiny glimpses you've collected thus far as if working on a mental puzzle, you scrutinize his attributes. His eyes bare the beginnings of crow's feet. Only his sideburns tease the speckling of salt and pepper undertones. His lips turn downwards at the corners, no doubt from years of scowling at unsubs.

Reid speaks up from behind you both and breaks your train of thought. Probably for the better, there's no reason why you should examine your unit chief so intently.

"It's funny--he always dumps the bodies in this battlefield, no matter what the risk."

"It's a respected landmark. He's flaunting," Aaron reckons.

"It makes him feel important," you say in agreement.  

Once you have arrived at the crime scene, you follow Agent Hotchner closely. Reid trails ahead, most likely trying to keep up with his own train of thought.

"How does someone not see or hear them?" You ask the sheriff.

He turns to you with a defeated expression, "It was dark. He had the advantage. Molly's boyfriend was the last person to see her. He said she was alone for a minute, maybe less."

Hotch surveys the surroundings, "He's patient and works fast."

"He's perfected his M.O.," Reid states while looking around.

You cross your arms as a wave of unease gets the best of you as you envision the moments leading to Molly's attack.

"If our unsub's pushing 60, he's gotta be strong enough to carry her a long way without her struggling," you bring out.

Hotch looks to you with a concerned squint. You shake your head, signaling to him that it's nothing you can't get under control. He nods in response. The sheriff agrees to point out the various entrances to the park.

"I'll catch up with you," your Unit Chief states. He motions for you to step aside with him, and you comply.

"You know, ever since my wife and I had our son, I dread receiving cases involving children," he discloses to you.

Tears well up in your eyes, "I can't even imagine, but sir, why are you telling me this?"

"This job will inevitably strike close to home on some cases more than others. It's okay for you to feel overwhelmed by it all every once and a while," he assures you.

"You never lose it, though."

He sighs heavily, "Maybe I should have."

Shortly before you joined the BAU, Hotch's wife Haley left with their son Jack. You never ask questions or stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It isn't your place, and you can't blame him for not wanting to bring his family struggles to work. He deals with enough broken families on the job as it is. Mixing his own personal life into the field would only make it more challenging to prioritize. Despite all this, you cannot help but wonder what exactly led to his and his wife's separation. You hope that they can find their way back to each other. The crimes you investigate do not need to claim the Hotchner's as victims as well.

+++++

"I'll let you talk to Chrissy Wilkenson," Hotch directs you towards the kitchen. You wipe your sweaty palms against the fabric of your pants and make your way into the kitchen, Hotch following closely behind you.

"Mrs. Wilkenson," you say gently, "My name is Y/F/N. I have just a few questions about your husband. Where does Charlie usually go when he's stressed?"

"The barn," she stutters. You can tell she's anxious and afraid for the well-being of her family.

"Anywhere else, Chrissy?"

Hotch is called into the other room, and you continue questioning Chrissy. She's becoming overwhelmed, so you guide her to the dining room.

"I know this is difficult, Chrissy."

"Did the father of my child really do that to those poor women?" She cradles her baby bump.

Your heart breaks for her, and you choose to remain silent. Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than words.

Footsteps bound throughout the house, and Hotch appears in the doorway, "The sheriff will stay here with Mrs. Wilkenson. We need you with us."

Standing up from your chair, you place your hand atop Chrissy's, "History doesn't have to repeat itself." It is almost as if she could tell you were reading her thoughts. The endless whispers that cloud her mind making her feel like she's left with only one choice, but there's always another option. That is all you are trying to remind her of.

+++++

As you and your team trek through the forest, you see a clearing.

"Hotch, this way," you beckon him to pursue your course.

Suddenly, a gunshot rings out, and you stop in your tracks. You make eye contact with Hotch and mirror each other's actions, dashing towards the opening in the trees. Your heart pounds in rhythm with your footsteps colliding against the ground. It is clear to you from your exchange with Chrissy at the house that the origin of the gunshot will shock everyone but yourself. As you reach the clearing and rush down the hill, your speculation is validated.

Chrissy Wilkenson is standing over the body of her husband, the unsub. A traumatized young man haunted by his father's past and plagued by the idea that children are trapped in the endless cycles created by their parents.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Jesus. Now is not the time for that.

The newly widowed woman claims self-defense, yet the cops handcuff her anyways. Inside, you feel conflicted while watching her get into the back of the squad car.

Hotch appears by your side but remains silent. Again, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. You bit your lip, attempting to hide the fact that it is trembling.

"What did you say to her as you were leaving the dining room?"

"I told her that history does not have to repeat itself. I wanted her to know that even when it feels like you are backed into a corner, there is always another way out. Sometimes people don't know where to look for their out thought," you quiver.

He lightly touches your arm and gives you a reassuring tilt of the head, "Just know that you did everything you could. We will never do this job perfectly. Doing the right thing usually costs more than it pays. You did your part.  I'm not a saint, and I am far from a hero, but I have integrity and honor, and I do this job to the best of my ability."

"If you can leave a case with a clear conscience," he continues, "you know you did the best you could. Any other thought process will eat away at you slowly but surely, and ultimately, it will result in the demise of your career and destruction of yourself."

+++++

After a seemingly neverending day, you all arrive back at Quantico.

"I could really go for a drink, guys. What do you say? Newbie's buying," you wave your wallet around frivolously.

"I could go for 5 drinks!" Prentiss exclaims.

"Count me in," Morgan winks at you. He never fails to make you blush.

Reid hesitates and you pout your bottom lip, "Please Reid! How could you not want a repeat of Dolly Parton night last month?"

Hotch comes down the stairs, "Dolly Parton night? Do I want to know?"

You and Derek snicker to each other as Spencer attempts to diffuse his own embarassment.

"9 to 5 is an iconic female anthem that certainly has a rather bewitching affect on a man when mixed with alcohol."

"You only drank Diet Coke that night," you roll your eyes at him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Hotch forcing his way through the small group formed around the desks.

Making your way over to him, you invite him to join, "Want a beer?" You second guess yourself, but it seems as though his rather stern expression softens ever so slightly when he pivots on his heels to look at you.

"I would like that," he answers softly.

He immediately returns to his original path and hovers near the glass doors. You casually make your way over to him, joined by Dave and Emily. A man barges in through the glass doors announcing Aaron's name.

"Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes," the subject in question breaths out almost defeatedly.  

The yellow package he holds in his hands is all too familiar and instantly churns your stomach into knots. You gnaw at your bottom lip, drawing a metallic taste that causes you to cringe.

"What is it?" Emily speaks up.

There's no question as to what it is. Oh Hotch. I’m so sorry.

Hotch's eyes trace the package from corner to corner in disbelief, "Haley's filing for divorce. I've been served."

When he eventually takes his eyes off of the lettering, his eyes meet yours. They lock onto you and it is in that moment that you feel as though you have been given the key to unlock his soul. His eyes are so unusual at this moment; they are more vulnerable than you have ever seen. The stoic man is gone, and instead, it is the eyes of one who is in tremendous pain. You had mistaken his bloodshot eyes for physical fatigue on the plane, but now you see that it is emotional exhaustion as well.

If only you knew how badly I want to hug you and tell you that you won't be swallowed up by this darkness. There's a long road ahead, but you have so many people here who love you and are here to support you through this. You aren't alone. Trust me, I know.

In some way, you pray that he can read into your soul and see the pain you feel for him. Once more, your shared silence proves to speak for itself.  

At last, he breaks eye contact with you and finally releases the breath that you had been holding in. Dave grabs onto your arm, seeing the clear impact Hotch's news has on you, no doubt having also noticed Hotch's immediate response in looking at you.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can join you tonight," he excuses himself and escapes to the seclusion of his office.

Maybe history does have a way of repeating itself.

Tag List:

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[lucemferto]

I talk about the current troubles of the Dream SMP.

If you want to help me out, please reblog! You can also retweet my tweet and upvote my reddit post. Thank you.

Script under the cut

I really hope Technoblade succeeds in breaking Dream out of prison.

Now why would I say that? Well, it’s because there’s this feeling in the fandom right now that Dream SMP Season 3 is … going slow. That there’s not much happening. Some have blamed it on the pace of how lore streams are doled out, saying we get too little lore stretched out over too much time. Others postulate that it’s the quality of the lore – that the individual plot points are badly told or that the high production value of certain streams prevent the story from gaining momentum.

Now, because I’m me, I think I identified the problem as something that’s structurally wrong with Season 3 as opposed to Seasons 1 and 2. In order to explain that we must look at one of my favourite narratological theories: the Three-Act-Structure.

But before we get into that, here’s your obligatory reminder to please like this video, comment your thoughts down below in order to help me with YouTube’s algorithm and subscribe if you really like my stuff. Please feel free to check out my social media presences and share my videos on there so that more people have the chance to see them. Thank you so much.

Let’s get back to the video:

 Chapter 1: The Three-Act-Structure Explained

The Three-Act-Structure as a model to explain narratives finds its roots far in the past with its earliest recorded instance being in the fourth century by the Roman grammarian Aelius Donatus though similar ideas were also expressed by everyone’s favourite Greek philosopher Aristotle.

Since then, the model has been continuously evolved and used throughout recorded history. There are also alternative models such as the Five-Act-Structure, the Six-Act-Structure, the Eight-Act-Structure, the … Nine-Act-Structure, Jesus Christ. But the Three-Act-Structure has reigned the undisputed champion in modern-day creation and analysis of narratives.

The particulars of the Three-Act-Structure as we know it today were codified in Syd Field’s 1979 work “Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting”, which has since become the Go-To-Work when it comes being a screenwriter in Hollywood. You want to write a script? You need the read the “Screenplay”.

The modern Three-Act-Structure is comprised of the following points/sequences:

-       The Backstory/Exposition: Exactly what it says on the tin. Sets up the Ordinary World that the characters inhabit, let’s us know about what character’s general deal is. It serves as an introduction to the story and world of your narrative.

-       The Point of Attack: This one is not often talked about and doesn’t feature in every story, but it’s still worth mentioning. This is where the major tension/conflict/dramatic question (structurally, these terms fulfil roughly the same function) is set into motion. It usually doesn’t include the protagonists of the story, but rather the antagonists.

-       The Inciting Incident: This is where the protagonists are sent on their way. We are introduced to their personal conflict and given a reason as to why they would have to leave the Ordinary World behind.

-       The Turning Point: This marks the end of Act I, where the personal conflicts of the protagonists and the major conflict of the overarching story intersect and coalesce. It is the natural fallout of the inciting incident, the big dramatic status quo change that we need in order to get the story going.

This naturally leads into Act II, where all the minor character conflicts are resolved and integrated into the larger conflict. This is what is referred to as the Rising Action: through the resolution and incorporation of the minor conflicts into the major conflicts, the story gains momentum. The action rises.

This act has two big culminations:

-       The Mid Point: The first culmination or Mid-Point sees some sort of shift in the major conflict. Maybe all the minor conflicts set-up in Act I are resolved and thus the major conflict becomes the full focus or the major conflict gains an additional factor. Instead of defeating the evil bad guy, the Heroes now have to defeat the Bad Guy and save the Damsel

-       The Lowest Point: The Lowest Point marks the end of Act II. Here the villains are just short of victory or maybe even achieve victory. In a romantic movie, this is the cliché end of Act II fallout which naturally leads into chasing the Hero chasing the love interest into an airport.

With the Lowest Point, the Heroes begin the third act almost or fully defeated. The stakes are high and everything seems hopeless. But then comes:

-       The Twist/Resolution: Usually, the twist coincides with either the protagonist or some sort of character having a eureka-moment or resolving their personal conflict – their Want vs. Need.

-       The Climax: With their problems resolved, the protagonists can venture forth to stop the villains or antagonistic force or save their love life.

-       The Dénouement: After the villain’s defeat/the resolution of the final conflict, the protagonist returns to the ordinary world, but changed by their experiences. The Dénouement is the one part of Act III, that can really drag it out – think the many, many endings of Return of the King for instance.

Up until now, I usually focused on that end of Act II/Act III-part when discussing the storytelling of the Dream SMP such as the Final Disc War, November 16th or Doomsday. Because Doomsday wasn’t just the Lowest Point in terms of storytelling quality.

But for Season 3, I instead want to focus on this section, The Inciting Incident and The Turning Point. Because this is where the current storytelling falters. The narrative has failed to pick up momentum, something that is achieved through a successful Inciting Incident and Turning Point.

So, I want to make the theory palpable and apply the Three-Act-Structure – with focus on Act I and early Act II – to all three Seasons of the Dream SMP to see where Seasons 1 & 2 succeeded and Season 3 failed.

 Chapter 2: The Three-Act-Structure Applied

Despite being much less written out and planned and more focused on the roleplay-aspect, both Season 1 and Season 2 somehow stumbled into recreating the Three-Act-Structure pretty well (S2 had its problem, but on the whole, it was still generally discernible).

I’m not here to discuss why narrative conventions and tools of literary analysis are applicable to something as seemingly idiosyncratic as the Dream SMP, I will do that in a future video. For the purposes of this video, we will simply have to take it at face value that these tools are applicable.

Season 1, which was probably the most consistently and competently written out of the three seasons thus far, has a very clear major tension/conflict: Who gets to steer the fate of L’Manburg, whether that be through stewardship or dissolution. It ties deeply into the personal conflict of our protagonist Wilbur as well as the external threat as represented by our villain JSchlatt, the best character in the story.

And not just that, basically every character whether that be Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Fundy, Dream or Technoblade is invested in seeing this major tension resolved.

All this is achieved through a wonderful inciting incident and turning point. The inciting incident, the personal conflict for our protagonists, is Wilbur calling a presidential election. He wants to solidify power; his personal conflict being gaining full control over L’Manburg – I will talk about it more in my Wilbur-video.

This leads to the Turning Point, which in this case is a very natural cause and effect: Wilbur loses the election his sense of self shattered and JSchlatt, best character, takes over L’Manburg declares himself Emperor and exiles Tommy and Wilbur. The protagonists are forced out of their Ordinary World and the dynamic of the server is changed forever. The Main Tension or Major Conflict has been fully established.

This has server-wide consequences that every character is impacted by. All the many personal conflict are now framed by this all-encompassing major conflict. Thus, everything feels like it’s building up towards the same climax. Whether that be Fundy’s personal conflict as a deep-undercover spy, Niki’s conflict as the resistance in Manburg, Quackity’s struggle for power under Schlatt or the threat of Schlatt trying to expand Manberg into Dream SMP territory.

This even applies to the most disconnected conflict in Act II: The War between Sapnap and Tommy. Because even here, Sapnap’s stated goal is to gather enough power to take over Manberg. Now, that the power dynamic has shifted once it has signalled to other antagonists that the power dynamic can shift once more. The Balance of the Ordinary World is disrupted.

And from the Pogtopia-side, this conflict serves as a great way to not only build up their team, but also as a mini-version of their major conflict. If they cannot defeat Sapnap, what chance do they stand against Big Bad Emperor Schlatt.

Season 2, in spite of all the problems that it has, also managed to pull off the inciting incident and turning point rather well. The Inciting Incident here being Tommy burning down George’s house – his intent being to gain some leverage to win his discs back – which then again lead very gracefully into the Turning Point: Tommy being exiled from L’Manburg.

Tommy’s personal conflict – regaining his discs – was folded into the major conflict: Breaking Dream’s grip over the SMP (and in effect creating a new power dynamic on the server).

Tommy’s exile led to Tubbo being pushed by Quackity to institute the Butcher Army – an antagonistic force intent on making L’Manberg the strongest nation on the server; in effect dethroning Dream. This would of course lead to Hog Hunt and Technoblade’s involvement; ultimately bringing a lot of momentum into the narrative.

Now, Season 2 doesn’t pull this off as graciously as Season 1: You will have noticed that both the Inciting Incident as well as the Turning Point are pretty exclusively focused on Tommy which leads to the major conflict revolving mostly around Tommy and the characters in his orbit – which is not ideal when dealing with an ever-expanding ensemble cast.

While Season 1’s Inciting Incident and Turning Point also had Wilbur as their centre point, they were open enough to allow for other characters such as Quackity, Sapnap and most crucially Schlatt to naturally integrate themselves into the narrative.

What also doesn’t help is that the Rising Action up until the Midpoint is almost exclusively focused on Tommy as I discussed in my Philza-video. There is dramatic and narrative momentum, but it comes at the expense of basically every other character or storyline. The Butcher Army and New L’Manburg are painfully underexplored.

But still, despite its flaws, Season 2 managed to get the ball rolling. So where did Season 3 go wrong?

The main problem that Season 3 has is that it presented us with a large number of potential inciting incidents, but no concrete turning point. We have a lot of personal conflicts, but are as of yet missing the big major tension or conflict that ties it all together; that gives the framework in which the personal conflicts of the characters can intersect and resolve.

I think just to showcase how scattershot Season 3’s storytelling is right now; I’ll have to list all the big plot points of the season as they happened:

1.    Tommy meets with the Egg and shows an immunity to it. The Egg orders the Eggpire to kill Tommy in order to proceed with their plan

2.    The prison gets into lockdown mode, while Tommy is visiting Dream

3.    Tommy gets killed by Dream

4.    Tommy gets resurrected by Dream

5.    Technoblade and Ranboo come into contact with the Egg

6.    Quackity comes into contact with the Egg

7.    The Syndicate meets up and checks out Snowchester

8.    Tubbo loses a nuke

9.    The Red Banquet

10.  Tommy breaks into the prison

11.  Wilbur gets resurrected

Now, quite a number of those could have worked as either inciting incidents or turning point with some narrowing the scope of the narrative more than other. The early points involving Tommy for instance would have pushed him again into the role protagonist akin to how it worked in Season 2, while others like the Syndicate, the Red Banquet or Wilbur’s resurrection would have established the respectively involved groups or characters as the drivers of the major tension.

But none of these avenues are taken. All these conflicts are still insular; their resolutions don’t build to anything.

Tommy’s resurrection – which in my opinion is the first plot point that could have been used as the Turning Point relatively easily – changes the course of the prison and Las Nevadas-storyline, but has little to no impact on the Eggpire, Syndicate or Nuke-storylines.

Similarly, Tubbo losing the nuke could have led to the major tension becoming every faction hunting for the missing nuke in order to fulfil their personal agendas. But again, no dice.

And this just keeps adding up and up. Each new plot point subconsciously leads the viewer to expect that this will be the one to establish a major, unifying tension for the season – and then nothing comes of it. Though the volume of “lore” is still relatively high, the narrative momentum that is needed in order to make the viewer invested in the storyline is diminished with every potential turning point that is ignored in favour of more set-up.

And this structural problem of Season 3 when compared to Seasons 1 and 2 is made the most apparent when looking at …

 Chapter 3: The Eggpire

Oh, my poor boys. Where did it all go wrong?

To give some context: The Eggpire or Crimson-storyline actually started in the middle of Season 2, where they managed the impossible: Establishing a storyline with some narrative momentum and impact outside of the major conflict.

So, how did they do that and do it successfully at that?

The first thing we need to understand is that the Season 2 Eggpire-storyline basically involved no one from the “principal cast”. As such, the story was not chained to the developments that were going on there – such as Exile, Hog Hunt, the Green Festival, etc. – and instead had more freedom to do their own stuff.

The Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 was for the most part self-contained. So much so, that people were viewing it not as a part of the on-going narrative, but rather in the vein of Tales from the SMP: A story that stands alone, the resolution of which would have no impact on the server as a whole.

And, to be fair, they could have gone that route. But the writer(s) behind the Eggpire-storyline decided to be more ambitious.

The Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 follows its own mini-version of the Three-Act-Structure, with BadBoyHalo serving as its protagonist. The big narrative movements coincide and are influenced with dramatic movement in his own personal conflict. He is the Wilbur of this storylines – the once good man (relatively speaking), who falls from Grace.

Now, the thing that makes the Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 quite brilliant is that they ultimately tied the resolution of their tension into the major conflict/tension of the Season 2.

Doomsday saw the Lowest Point of the main storyline of Season 2. With L’Manburg’s destruction and Dream’s future imprisonment, there was a huge power vacuum on the server – a power vacuum that BadBoyHalo, now fully under the control of the Egg, was ready to fill.

The climax of the Eggpire-storyline in Season 2 saw the rise of the Eggpire as they spread the seeds of the Crimson in the L’Manburg-crater, intent on taking over server – thus adding onto the dramatic tension that Doomsday already established, making the Lowest Point feel even more foreboding and successfully linking their erstwhile separate storyline to the main tension of the overall narrative. The villains for Season 3 seemed to be perfectly set-up.

And then Season 3 rolled around and they … bungled it completely.

Though the Eggpire eventually came into contact with almost every active character in Season 3 – such as Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Technoblade and Quackity – they completely failed at driving the major conflict and establishing themselves as the main antagonistic force of the storyline the same way Schlatt and Dream had done in the Seasons prior.

The biggest missed opportunity in that regard is without a doubt the Red Banquet. Now, I talked in the past about how the Red Banquet failed just on its own – at least a specific aspect of it – but now we’ll have to talk about how the Red Banquet fails in the context of Season 3.

Because this was the moment that all the storylines could have been brought together. The Eggpire could have succeeded in their endeavour and established themselves as the most prominent force on the serve. This event would have impacted the server as a whole and thus the entire storyline.

Immediately we would have had a major conflict to drive all other storylines – such as Tommy’s storyline, Snowchester, the Syndicate, Kinoko Kingdom and Las Nevadas – to stop the Eggpire from fully taking over the server. All the character-specific conflicts could have then happened within the framing of this major tension.

Maybe Tubbo and the rest are hunting for the nuke, because they think it’s the only way to stop the Eggpire. Maybe the Eggpire wants to free Dream, because he could be of use for the Crimson. Tommy could get abducted by the Eggpire because he is some sort of chosen one or whatever and the onus would fall on the other characters to save him and stop the villains – so Tommy would become the damsel effectively.

Maybe they decide that the only way to defeat the Eggpire is to bring back Wilbur and that’s how that storyline gets integrated. Maybe the disparate forces disagree on that or other plot-points and there’s some infighting between them.

But still: All conflicts would be unified by this one major tension. The Red Banquet would have been the Turning Point to lead into Act II of Season 3, where all the problems would be viewed with the knowledge that the Eggpire and the Crimson was looming in the distance.

Alas, we did not get that. Instead, the Red Banquet turned out to be just another plot point in a long line of plot points that promises more in the future. Smaller personal conflicts are resolved just within the limited scope of their individual storyline and a major tension is yet to be seen.

When Bad says that there’s just one more Egg-stream planned, I hope he’s either misleading or not being clear enough on what he means. Because if this was it; if the Eggpire-storyline just kinda dies here – too connected to all other storyline to be seen as standalone and yet too separated to be enjoyed in the context of Season 3 as a whole – then it would be a worse writing choice than Doomsday.

 Epilogue: How the Prison Break can bring it all together

To bring it all back to the sentence I opened this video with: I hope Technoblade succeeds in breaking Dream out of prison, because this could finally be the Turning Point that introduces a major tension to the narrative of Season 3.

I hoped that Wilbur’s resurrection would fill that role, but disappointingly that plot point is again relegated to driving the tension of a few chosen storylines instead of providing a major tension for all players involved.

And with five months into Season 3, this Act 1 has gone on for far too long! For comparison, the entire written storyline of Season 1 encompassed 4 months. Season 2 took place in only 2 months. Season 3 has already exceeded both their runtimes and still seems to have yet to truly start.

Whether Technoblade breaks Dream out or Quackity succeeds in trapping Technoblade in Pandora’s Vault – there needs to be a turning point somewhere in sight.

Because my biggest fear is that we’re already past it. That the Eggpire-storyline will just fizzle out and that some other plot point will retroactively reveal itself as the turning point – because that would mean that Season 3 would have a horrifically unfocused, saggy and just generally unengaging second act. And that would be a shame.

Thank you so much for watching. Once again, please feel free to like, comment and subscribe. The links to my social media are all in the description down below. I have a bunch of stuff planned for the future including a very long video on Wilbur as well as two videos that have nothing to do with Dream SMP.

Until then, please be excite.

#dream smp #dsmp fanart #dsmpblr #dreamsmp #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #technoblade #dsmp techno #dsmp technoblade #dream #dreamwastaken #dsmp dream #tommyinnit #dsmp tommyinnit #dsmp tommy #badboyhalo #dsmp badboyhalo #tubbo #dsmp tubbo #wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur #the syndicate #dsmp syndicate #dsmp eggpire #dsmp snowchester #pandora's vault #dream smp season 1 #dream smp season 2 #dream smp season 3

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Ya know thinking about it, maybe there’s nothing more to Syds weird amount of trust for Farouk than gullibleness and pride.

There seemed to be a pattern of her not really internalizing the severity of Farouks crimes, she mostly just thought of him as an “asshole” throughout all the seasons and not someone doing deep long lasting damage to the people around her.

In chap 11 when they find the music box David ask what it is she says, “Nothing just your asshole parasite messing with my head.”

As if its Davids fault Farouks evil, or as if Farouks only a David problem, and not ya know, an extremely powerful supervillain bent on world domination.

I’m trying to figure out what Syds perception of Farouk was, so lets look at their major interactions.

1. Discovers his existence, chap 5. She was wondering what the problem in her and Davids relationship was and now she has someone to blame. I’ll point out, it’s likely she was only thinking of Farouk as an obstacle in the way of her and Davids relationship, and not as a horrifying abuser who’s had a chokehold on David for his entire life. Now the “mission” is clear, snip Farouk outta Davids head, everything’ll be perfect.

2. David and Amys childhood home, also chap 5. Farouk jump-scares them a few times. And I think as far as Syds concerned, that’s a cheap trick. She sheds a tear but then puts on a brave face and keeps moving. Just a horror show after all. None of it “real”. But then Lenny actually jumps out and attacks her, telepathically ties her up then starts grotesquely kissing David while he’s unconscious. And the way she talks, I think Syd internalizes Lenny as being like... a jealous ex. The kissing, the “you stole my man” type language. Man, this relationship obstacle just won’t get out the way. And then...

3. Mental Clockworks, chap 5-7. In the white room Farouk reveals his true form and chases Syd down which scares the shit outta her. But, important note, he doesn’t actually touch her before the delusion is put in place. It’s still very much not real.

Anyways, what’s a horrifying display of control and power for everyone else worked a bit differently for Syd. She was the only one who noticed anything was off. And she couldn’t place it for a while, which worried her, and she eventually gets incapacitated by Lenny. But then, she’s woken up by Cary who takes her into a phone booth and tries to update her on what’s happening, only she’s already figured it out. I’ll point this out as a moment of overconfidence, she’s visibly proud that she was able to see through the illusion. She’s not like the others, she’s a hero archetype. And being that means when Cary hands her the glasses and tells her to go save the others she’s super confident in her ability to do so. She’s the hero after all. And when she does put on the glasses she remarks, “She thought it’d be more interesting.” She’s actively downplaying this nightmare. I don’t hold it against her but my point in saying all this is that it comes back later. This is another instance of her thinking Farouk’s “Not that big a deal.” Underestimating his abilities. I mean, she saw through it after all, she could probably do it again if she needed too... right?

To summarize 3, Syd sees herself as the hero who saw through Farouks cheap illusion. She feels stronger than Farouk here, like he couldn’t hurt her (really hurt her I mean) even if he tried. And in that, she can’t relate to the others who treat it like a big deal or like a traumatizing moment in their adventure. It was just a standard hero vs villain fight to her. Really hope the points getting across cause this’ll come up later.

4. White room, chap 8. Another interaction with Lenny only this time she’s on the ropes, looking a lot worse for ware. Syds not scared of her anymore, or so she tells herself at least. She saw through Farouks tricks. She can do it again if she has too. Nothings gonna get in the way of her and Davids happily ever after. Except Lenny has a good point... she’s still inside David. Still attached to his mind. She could explode his brain if they try to rip her out forcefully. And David can’t handle himself against Farouk, Syd knows this. Cause Davids never won against Farouk up to this point. Getting out of Mental Clockworks was a team effort from her, Melanie, Cary, and Oliver. If it hadn’t been for the crown they wouldn’t’ve gotten out of their. Syds role in this was to keep Kerry and Rudy safe until Cary could complete his end of the plan. And she did. But David was helpless in that, as far she knows. So she, the hero, needs to do something. Just sitting around isn’t good enough. So... she switches with David again. Using a true loves kiss too, a truly fairy tale worthy action, one for the books.

She’s fully possessed now, completely outta control of her own body, but Farouk only used her to get Kerry. It’s a very short moment for Syd, she might not even remember it. When she wakes up she says, “Did we win?” She honestly might’ve just blacked out after the kiss. Because they’re not telepaths their minds are probably much easier to push to the side than Davids. She might not’ve really... experienced the possession is what I’m getting at. And she’s once again most concerned with David.

D: “You should not have done that, as much as I like kissing you.”

S: “It would’ve killed you.” She says that last line not in a concerned way, but in a playful-ish way. As if to say “Obviously I saved you. I’d destroy the world myself if it meant saving you.”

Ya know what, I’ll point out here also that David once again failed to beat Farouk. Syd managed to get Farouk out of his mind but David still couldn’t stop him in the real world.

5. Plaque, chap 9. As explained in show, Syds been part of the team hunting down Farouk and trying to stop him from finding his body. Before chap 12 she and everyone else is under the impression that Farouk is the source of the “maze virus”. A psychological plaque that freezes everyone in their tracks and causes them to chatter their teeth. Disturbing, but... just based on other stuff we know about the character... she probably doesn’t care that much. Her main focus is probably still David. And when David comes back, she immediately blames him for disappearing. Her context here being that he was found in the club they followed Farouk to, next to a bunch of teeth chatterers mumbling, “Help them. Their in the maze.” Clearly, he’s been somewhat involved with the events of the past year, so why hasn’t he contacted her? Why hasn’t he included her in it? Why’d he abandon her? He says he doesn’t remember anything? Ptonomy says otherwise. Clearly he remembers something. He’s keeping secrets. She gets why from the others, but why from her? They’re supposed to be a team. And he abandoned her, to go clubbing with Farouk or whatever it is that he was doing their.

6. Music box, chap 10. Davids back. Maybe she can just pretend things are normal. He leads them to the middle of nowhere and they find her old music box. Farouk. That asshole. His little jump scares and memory tricks won’t get to her. He can’t hurt her, remember? This is all he can do. Illusions, trick. And she’ll see right through them every time. Besides, was reminding her of her childhood really the best he can do? Yeah she’s got a childhood, so does everyone. She’s over it already. (I’m starting to type more and more in Syds perspective.)

6.5 Syd the illusion breaker gets caught in the maze, chap 12. Only... she’s out of it before David even enters her mind to save her. She sees that he’s there, doesn’t know why, but decides to use this as an opportunity to teach him a lesson. We all know the lesson though. The headline in this particular case is, “David never saved Syd from her maze.” He never even saw it. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about when she mentions it. He entered her mind but she’s the one in full control. Scary good control even, props to her. The lesson she’s trying to teach him is sort of... her own thought process on heroism. “Love can’t save us, it’s what we have to save.” Up to this point “love” is all Syds been fighting for. It’s been the driving force behind her heroism. She’s done some messed up things in her past, sure, but all her problems only made her stronger. They made her the “truth seer” she is today. They led her to David, the best thing that’s ever happened to her. No villain can hurt her more than she’s hurt herself. This all... obviously doesn’t translate perfectly to David. That’s just... not been his experience.

(Skippable David Tangent) Farouk hurt David the most that any one person could. And David couldn’t hurt himself more even if he tried. And all Davids pain hasn’t made him mentally stronger, less gullible, or less sensitive. The opposite in fact. Davids minds been split, unbeknownst to Syd. He’s in a constant state of confusion. He keeps getting tugged around by friends and enemies and doesn’t know what to do about it. Davids pain hasn’t shielded him at all, just caused him more strife. He’s even still being manipulated by his abuser. The survivor story just doesn’t work on him, at the moment at least. As far as Davids concerned his “strength” comes from his powers, and he didn’t get a choice in those either. Syd doesn’t see any of this, she’s not a telepath. She hopes her story will help him but... it really only applies to her. Back into her perspective though,

7. Lenny’s back, chap 15. I know this isn’t a Farouk interaction but it is sorta important. Davids not listening to her. She’s trying to remind him of the mission, trying to keep him focused, but clearly it’s not working. Losing his sister really affected him. She understands sure, but he won’t even talk to her about it. Love is what’s supposed to be used to help each other through these dark times, to make sure people don’t feel alone. But he’s isolating himself from her. He isn’t “saving love” he’s pushing it away. That’s not what heroes are supposed to do. Farouk is once again in the way of their love. She can’t blame David, and she knows it’s not her fault, so Farouk.

But the headline there is she’s downplaying his sisters death. As if it’s just another trick to mess with him, an obstacle to be hurdled over. Like the music box thing. But... his sister died. In fact... Lenny was more immediately comforting to him about it than either of the Syds were.

Syd still isn’t internalizing the pain Farouks causing to others. All she’s internalized is her own wins against him and the fact that he’s never permanently damaged her specifically. Or so she says. He’s still just a ghost in a haunted house.

8. Lenny talk, chap 16. Syd comes over to gloat. She sees through Farouks trick. Lenny’s not gonna frazzle her, or David. She’s just another obstacle to their happiness. Only Lenny drops a hard truth on her. And Syd doesn’t seem to want to hear it. She’s stunned at. Tbh... I think she walks away deciding not to believe her. It must be another trick. She just said that to mess with her (again, Syds thoughts). She really really wants to continue thinking of Farouk as “just some asshole” who they need to work with and/or defeat so her and David can finally have their happy ever after. At this point, if she actually started thinking of Farouk as dangerous to her, as a major threat, it’d feel like giving him power. The power of fear, over her. She refuses to be afraid of Farouk, cause she knows that’s how he tricks people. That’s how he controls them. So she doesn’t listen to Lenny. She resolves to continue downplaying Farouks crimes. A dog barking in peoples ears.

9. The cave, chap 18. In between this and the last one David left her again. He really doesn’t get what “saving love” means. But she dedicates herself to him again. If he won’t save love, she will. She’s a hero after all. She’s beaten Farouk in the past and she’ll beat him again if she has too. And then... the cave. Incorporating what another fan has said, even if Syd does pic up on Melanie being Farouk, she knows her future self wanted to work with him for some reason. He was the key to saving the world. He may be a house haunting asshole, but if he saves the world, then there’s gotta be something more to him... right? Melanie complains about Oliver some more, she’s over it. But then Melanie starts showing Syd images. Syd doesn’t know how she’s doing that, but some of the images are from very private personal moments. And they’re all centered on David. These must be memories. Both her and Davids. How Melanie is doing this can go on the back-burner for now, what is she trying to tell her with these? That Davids crazy? No, Farouk’s the one who was behind all these things. Davids “her man.” Her one true love. The problem in their relationship has always been Farouk.

But then... there are all those moments after she got Farouk out of his head. Him keeping secrets. Him not confiding in her, or being there for her. Him constantly leaving her behind. That’s not how love’s supposed to work. A psychopath? Well, when you say that... and you show these images on the screen... and you show him torturing Oliver ( a victim) to get to Syd. And enjoying it, almost like he just wanted the excuse to go all out. Like it’s not really about saving Syd. Or love for that matter. Syd maybe admits to herself at this point that Davids fairly unhinged. He’s had a rough childhood though, there were bound to be some sharp edges here and there. He tortures Oliver for a long time though. And it really starts to feel like he just likes doing it, not that he’s doing it cause it’s “necessary”. It doesn’t even work.

And then... Melanie shows her Future Syd. She matches the description David gave her. And there’s David, in those same pajamas he wears. And... he’s kissing FS. He didn’t tell her about that. It’s not cheating cause it’s her future self. But... they talked about this. David was the one to say it might feel weird. Why not tell her? Why keep that a secret. Even if it’s not cheating, it certainly feels like it. It’s a huge betrayal. And he doesn’t have Farouk as an excuse. Davids just... a bad person. She’s starting to piece together the point of all this. “Legion, The World Killer” yada yada.

David hasn’t been loyal to her. He hasn’t saved loved, he’s not going to save love. The path he’s on is dark and selfish. Could he destroy the world? They’ve known he could since season 1. They never thought he’d actually do it. But wait no, you can’t give up on love that easily. He’s a good person. And then Melanie shows it all again. And she shows him kissing Lenny. And she shows FS telling Farouk about David. And Syd can’t help but concede. Davids too far gone. Farouk may be an asshole, but David lied about everything. He lied to Syd. Again, Davids not going to save love, he missed the mark on that. Davids going to end the world.

Very important to point out here, as I’ve tried to build it up, Syds internalized herself as a hero who doesn’t let anything get to her. Farouk can’t hurt her with his illusions and tricks. She’s seen through them before and she’ll do it again. But David betraying her? Keeping secrets? Playing with her heart? That hurts more than anything Farouks done to her. She invested in David. She was on his side no matter what, but he wasn’t on her side. So if FS says Davids evil and has gotta go, than she’ll believe her. He’s gotta go.

All of this hopefully explains my theory on Syds specific moment-to-moment reasoning thoroughly

I also wanna say though, if I’m right this makes Syds moment on the mountain make more sense. All the specific unexplained discrepancies.

She says she knows it was Farouk who showed her all that. Because she doesn’t perceive Farouk as that big of a threat and again, as mostly a house haunter. Those were clearly memories, she doesn’t care that the infos coming from him, and she believes she can tell the difference between an illusion and something real. so Davids gotta answer for that.

She gets a detail wrong, she says “He went to see her, after you quit.” But we all know he saw her before David quit and specifically set him up. Syd doesn’t know David specifically broke their rules after they set them. She thinks he kissed her beforehand and didn’t tell her for whatever reason.

And again, she doesn’t fully understand what everyone around hers been through. Hence, “The son of sam” thing. To her, Farouk maybe evil, but you can see through his tricks if you just try hard enough. Even though he possessed her she didn’t really register it happening. At a certain point the things you do when he’s in your head are on you (says Syd).

Oh, and also majorly, the “Farouk, your enemy” thing. She never really care about him all that much. He was just an obstacle. David was the one who had a weird complex about him.

Tl;dr Syd doesn’t view Farouk as much of a threat. She doesn’t register or internalize the pain he’s causing to the others cause he’s not doing any of it to her. Syds main focus is David and when she realizes what Farouk’s showing her are memories, and that David’s betrayed her and isn’t planning on “saving love”, that hurts her more than anything Farouks done. Thus, she turns.

#legion fx #spoilers

[meant-to-be-a-hero]

Ranger Rankings - Power Rangers SPD

Premise - 3.5

Police officers in the future. Kind of like Time Force, but without the fun time travel bit. I'm surprised this came after Time Force, when Time Force seems like the natural evolution; they even have the time travel aspect with the Omega Ranger later on. Lightspeed Rescue was similar, but they weren't exactly law enforcement. It's actually a surprisingly solid premise, which feels relevant throughout the season.

Character Dynamics - 3.5

This is another series that feels a bit lopsided. We start pretty well, with all of the characters fairly well defined, but after the initial spotlight episodes it kind of falls to the wayside. Bridge never really evolves, and Syd is heavily neglected, while Jack and Sky get most of the focus. They never really explain how Jack and Z feel about being SPD Officers after being on the wrong side of the law for so long, which feels like a missed opportunity.

I did like the interaction between Cruger and the team though - that relationship evolved pretty well over the course of the series.

Boom was used few and far between, so he was okay, and Piggy was surprisingly fun for a recurring character. I liked Kat a lot, but she was mostly an exposition machine aside from like one or two episodes where she got to do something fun.

Sixth Ranger Arc - 2

There wasn't really an arc? Doggie's evolution into the Shadow Ranger kind of came out of nowhere, and then he was just there to chip in during some fights as needed.

Sam had the two parter to set him up, and then the two parter where he actually came into it, but otherwise he didn't DO anything all season. He just felt tacked on. I thought they'd do an episode where he met his younger self or something, but nope, nothing. Disappointing.

Plot Development - 2.5

I have such a problem with this series and its idea of forward planning. It clearly had ideas that it wanted to seed from the beginning, like A Squad switching sides, and Doggie's wife being alive. But then it goes through a load of trouble to explain the Rangers' special powers and does jack all with them; same with the Omega Ranger stuff. It's so good in certain places, and then so badly organised in others, it's just inconsistent.

I did enjoy the threading plot of Gruumm stealing stuff to create the Magnificence, that's got to be the first time they've had a throughline even if it's only relevant here and there.

Villains - 2.5

Gruumm was fine. He was at his best when he was interacting with other people - Mora gave him another dimension, and even the rivalry with Broodwing made him more fun.

Broodwing himself was another watered down Darkonda, with some Frax mixed in. They didn't commit enough to really pitting him and Gruumm against each other, they were mostly just two guys working parallel.

They could have done a little more with Mora and Morgana too, I thought. And Omni was a complete non-entity.

Team-Up - 2.5

The most disappointing team-ups since Trakeena's Revenge. Splitting it into two separate episodes was okay, but then there's so much timeline jumping that it gets really confusing to reconcile with the rest of the series.

Both episodes didn't really have the Rangers interacting aside from the fight scenes, and they definitely felt like obligations rather than something the teams wanted to specifically do.

Overall - 2.75

Hottest Ranger - Sky. Would it have killed them to give me one shirtless scene? Just one? Honourable mention to Kat, because fangs are apparently my thing.

Notable Episodes:

Dogged - Because an episode about RIC was always going to be good.

Perspective - It's that Batman episode where all the villains tell their stories and they're all totally wrong.

Reflection (Parts 1+2) - Mirloc's escape was so clever, even if I called it about 5 minutes in. The Jack/Sky stuff with the Red Battlizer was great.

Katastrophe - Kat spotlight! Kat spotlight! Woooo!

Endings (Parts 1+2) - Great ending to the series. Brings all the plot points home, has some epic feeling moments, and everyone gets their time to shine.

#Ranger Rankings #Power Rangers SPD

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

SEPTEMBER PICKS

I don’t know about you, but this felt like a long month. I just looked back on my August post and that felt like another life. Putting together this list I couldn’t believe how much I was able to watch with the start of the semester. There was a lot of great ones, so let’s get to it!

Our usual spoiler warning....

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The Umbrella Academy

Umbrella Academy was a show that I started at the end of August. Many people I know were shocked I had never watched it and honestly I don’t know what took me so long. It was great and made even better by the second season getting released this summer. Now I had even more episodes to watch. 

I love how chaotic the Hargreeves are. The things that happen to them would only happen to them (if you know what I mean). I also love how they always put family first. Despite everything that’s happened to them. They might all be a mess (and honestly who isn’t), but deep down they love each other. For the first season I thought it was great how they formatted the plot. These characters were new to us and they didn’t give us all the backstory. (When you think about it we still don’t know how Ben died.) It made me continue tuning in and figure it all out. I always sensed Vanya had powers and I know it’s shocking that I wasn’t spoiled coming into the show so late. I liked the irony of the family essentially creating the apocalypse themselves by locking Vanya up.  Leonard aka Harold always felt shifty to me. I also liked the way they set up his story. Five and Klaus are definitely my favorites of the siblings. I love how Five is such an old man in a young kid’s body. The way they show his teleportation is really cool. The early scene in Run boy run, episode 2, is definitely one of my favorites from the whole show. The images paired with the song are chilling. Really nice job there. I love how Klaus’ power has been explored. We see more of it in season 2 and it’s something I wasn’t expecting. I love his and Ben’s relationship and I easily fell into the Klaus/Dave ship. We only got a slice of their backstory and I was already too invested. Season 2 took me a little bit to get into with the new setting, but after about two episodes I did. I really liked the plot and found it funny that there was yet another apocalypse. With that cliffhanger, I can’t wait to see where season three is headed.

Derry Girls Re-watch 

2020 felt like a good time to re-visit my girls in Derry. I wanted something familiar and funny and this was perfect. I just love this show. It makes me so happy after watching it. I’m so thrilled that we’ll eventually get a third season (even if it will be the last). This watch through I am noticing how many songs are in each episode. (Might help I’ve been watching it with subtitles.) There are so many bops. Sister Michael is always my spirit animal. She is hilarious! I also feel Gerry gets funnier as the season goes on. When he’s making the sandwiches at the funeral I crack up EVERY.TIME. I also love the seriousness of the show too. There are SO MANY great parallels. In the season one finale when the historical bomb goes off and the girls are shown at school unaware and just dancing with Orla it is so pure. Then we see Da put his hand on Gerry’s shoulder. Wow. It shows how the generations were affected. I will suggest this show to everyone no matter what they like to watch. IT IS THAT GOOD! So, why aren’t you watching it? (Or Re-watching?)  

Violetta Season 3

We can all rejoice! The third and finale season of Disney’s Violetta was released onto Disney Plus mid month. As someone who recently finished the second season, it was no surprise that I was ecstatic and wanted to watch it ASAP. This season is hands down the fastest one I have gotten invested into. Usually it takes me a bit to get into the new plot and characters. Because I’ve gotten so attached, I’m worried that means it will go downhill. I’ve heard mixed things about season 3. But let’s focus on the positives! There is so much music so far (both old and new songs). I am loving a lot of the new songs: En Gira and Armor En El Aire. I like how they started on tour and how they included actual footage from the real tour. Now they are in their last year in the studio (so I guess Seniors?). Lots of changes are already occurring including people leaving the Studio. Some are headed to Gregorio’s Art Rebel. I have to say that Gregorio has grown on me so much and now he is one of my favorite characters. I love his relationship with Diego and every time they call each other Papa and son. OMG it’s fantastic! So great to see them happy. This season we have a new teacher, Milton and I honestly can’t figure out what his deal is. Why is he so mean? I’m in episode 18 now and I am happy Leon and Vilu are still going strong. Obviously, they’re going to have issues (and they’ve already had minor ones), but it’s good to still see them in love. (It is adorable how they call each other Amor.) I also like that their “love triangles” seem to be misunderstandings right now. I’m in the VERY early stages of Fran and Diego and honestly I am so in love with them already. I’m going to fall hard for this ship. I know it. I am so tempted to continue watching spoilers, but I feel they’re not true spoilers if I can only find them in Spanish with no subtitles. ;) 

Sunshine on Leith

My journey through watching George Mackay films continued with Sunshine on Leith. This was a great choice and I highly recommend. The main difficulty is how to access it. I couldn’t find it fully anywhere online or through a streaming service, so I wound up purchasing it through Amazon and getting it as a UK DVD. This means you need a Multi-region DVD player to watch it. (I know. It’s weird that not all DVDs are the same.) Of course, I have one of these. I am a TV/Movie junky and love a lot of British programs that are unavailable to purchase in the US. I got it a few years ago also on Amazon and it was pretty cheap. I haven’t had any issues with it, so I highly recommend. 

The movie musical includes songs from the Proclaimers and takes place in Edinburgh. As someone who got to visit Edinburgh it was so cool to see the characters in places I’ve actually been. Before watching the film, the only Proclaimers song I knew was (of course) 500 miles. While watching I realized I actually new more and those I didn’t know I really liked. So, now I have a new playlist on my phone. Some are the original songs and others are from the movie (because I prefer their voices on some). What was cool to see was how not all the actors had the strongest voices, but could sing really well. I’m not sure if this was a purposeful choice or not. (I’d have to look more into it.) At times the plot felt a little rushed. Overall it was a fairly short musical, so that was probably why. Characters seemed to know each other really well really fast. So, if a lot of time would have passed I didn’t notice it. I can’t wait to re-watch the film. George Mackay in the cast brought me to watch it, but I stayed for a great story. (And of course I fell more in love with my crush on Mackay...No shock there :) 

I Am Not Okay With This

Netflix’s I Am Not Okay With This had been in my queue since the beginning of this year, but I didn’t get the chance to watch it till now....when I heard it got cancelled. [Netflix hit us with this news about a month back when they released that shows that were originally picked up were now getting dropped for a second season. I Am Not Okay With This and The Society were on the chopping block.] To make the comment everyone else already has, I am Not Okay With This. 

Despite knowing the show got cancelled, I still wanted to watch it. As I was watching Derry Girls, I wanted another show that was contemporary. I was very surprised to see how few episodes there were as well as how short they each were. It was a very quick watch because of this. While I expected this show to be contemporary with a touch of the supernatural, as Syd has powers, I was not expecting it to be so much more! This show blends so many genres and it does it so well. I honestly don’t know if I’ve seen it done before...at all. Which makes it hard to compare to some others. It feels like an Indy/Contemporary Coming of Age with both supernatural and thriller vibes. It even touches into horror-ish towards the end of the season. If only there was another season to see where it would go. And that ENDING! Is it bad I laughed? I think I did because I was not expecting it to go down like that AT ALL. Syd was a very dynamic main character and I really like how they had her explore who she truly is. Her and Stan’s friendship is one that I strive for. (Speaking of, where can I get a Stanley Barber? I need one in my life.)If you’re willing to be upset that the show got cancelled and there is no second season in the works, then I definitely suggest you just out I Am Not Okay With This. 

Enola Holmes

Man, I feel like I’m giving a lot of support to Netflix this month, but there was a lot coming out/ a lot in my queue so it makes sense. Overall, I would give Enola a 7/10. I had a lot of hype for this one (as it was one of my highly anticipated watches for September), which I think hurt my overall reaction. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining and enjoyable. I loved the female empowerment message as it was very strong. Millie Bobby Brown was fantastic and so charismatic as Enola. I loved the feature of her talking to us as well as giving some really great facial expressions. I am a sucker for a retelling (of any kind, but especially Sherlock Holmes), so I loved the concept and how they included a younger sister to the Holmes family. I know there has been some conversation about how Sherlock was portrayed and that’s not really Sherlock, but I had no problem with this (and I’m not just saying that because he was played by the dashing Henry Cavill). Honestly, Mycroft’s character bothered me more. I get that there had to be a “villainous” character (well other than the one in the mystery), but he felt a little too over the top. The movie felt a little too long at times and I still don’t like the reason for why her mother left and the conclusion to that plot. It did set it up as if there could be a sequel and I would definitely watch it. 

I would also like to add that I cannot get enough of the cast. Thanks to the YouTube interviews Netflix keeps uploading, I am falling more and more in love with this trio. They just seem like so much fun and I would love to be a part of this cast. They feel like siblings! 

Harriet

Another one in my watch-list for September can be checked off! Harriet has been a film that I have been wanting to watch since it came to theaters last year, but I felt like it came and went pretty fast. Luckily HBO just released it in the past month or so, which made me to tape it. I am so happy I did. 

WOW! Why didn’t I know about these facts about Harriet Tubman sooner? Why aren’t we taught these parts of history in school? I already knew she was amazing, and this just put her over the top. She did SO MUCH! It’s super impressive that she was a part of the Civil War and fought. Not only was this something difficult to do as a Black person, but also as a woman. I didn’t know about her visions, so that was something I Googled right when the film was finished. She never lost a freed slave in their journey to freedom. The list goes on and on how amazing Harriet Tubman was. This film showcases that so well and Cynthia Erivo is amazing as Harriet. (I have to start finding synonyms for ‘amazing’.) Her voice...WOW! Before watching the film, I have loved listening to “Stand Up,” but now afterwards it takes on a whole new meaning. Especially when you understand the direct quote from Harriet Tubman: “I go to prepare a place for you.” CHILLS! This film was nominated for multiple Academy Awards and it should have gotten one. WATCH HARRIET!

The Crimson Field

I’ve noticed that most of the programs I watch through Amazon Prime Video are mainly period dramas. So it was no shock that I would tune into The Crimson Field, a 7 episode series following the nurses and surgeons in France during WWI. As someone who is often more drawn to WWII, I am finding myself interested to watch more things involving the first World War (ie: 1917 and Tolkien). And this show was just what I needed. The pressure was on to watch it though, as it was only available through Prime Video till September 30th. Luckily with only 7 episodes this was an easy feat to accomplish, plus the first couple I marathoned because it was so good. As with any show it took a little bit to understand the setting and the cast, but I feel like I got to know them rather quickly, which made me invested to know what would happen next. I did find it strange that Prime Video only had access to the show for a month as it originally aired on BBC one and then PBS in 2015. The streaming service has programs older than that readily available to watch any time. 

The beginning of the series was definitely stronger in my opinion. I like how they gave breadcrumbs into people’s backstories, such as the main character Kitty. There was a lot of mystery there when we first learned she had a kid and then of her scandalous marriage. There are still a few things that I don’t 100% understand, but that might be because they thought they were getting a season 2 (but they did not). And with the way they ended the show it definitely had the feel. I enjoyed Kitty and Tom’s romance, but more at the beginning than at the end. With Tom’s character, I feel like they set him up as the super nice guy while Miles was the player, but then as the show progressed they decided Tom should have more Mr. Darcy traits and I just thought that was out of his character. Either way, I did still like him (and Miles) and could listen to Richard Rankin’s Scottish accent ALL DAY! It wasn’t until I looked up his IMDB that I made the connection that he is on Outlander now. Can you see the resemblance to him now? 

   Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe

And don’t we all just feel against the universe sometimes?

I know my range for this month is all over the place, so is it that shocking that I would add a cartoon to the mix. Definitely not...especially because it’s Phineas and Ferb. One of my favorite Disney Channel shows. Watching this film feels like FOREVER ago because it was so early in the month. I’ve only watched it the one time (because I don’t think it needs a second watch...I guess that tells you something), so let’s see how much I remember...

It’s been a while since we’ve had a new installment of Phineas and Ferb grace our screens and it was great to see the citizens of Danville once again. In a way, it felt like no time had passed. (And for them I guess it hadn’t because it always seems like the same summer.) It just felt like the moment for Phineas and Ferb. While I was really happy to see our beloved characters again, the plot of this film felt familiar. Very Queen of Mars. Now thinking back, it’s hard for me to relay what happens and I think that’s a good way to describe this movie. It was very familiar, and I wish they would have done more with it. I can’t even remember any of the songs (and that’s often my favorite part). Of course, it had all the classics antics and jokes. I love how Perry was helping out the kids and had to be very secretive about it. I always love a good Candace and Venessa team up. Dr. Doof was hilarious as usual and his pairing with the kids (specifically Isabella) was a great time. My favorite part was when they got meta and did the reverse engineering of their animation and then we saw the creators in front of the story boards. That was really cool and unexpected. Overall, it felt like Phineas and Ferb and made life in quarantine a little bit easier. 

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Well! That’s a wrap. These were some of my favorite picks to talk about (even if it took me longer than usual). I hope you watched some great stuff last month and continue to find new picks for October! 

#september picks #tv shows #tv reviews #movie reviews #the umbrella academy #hargreeves family #derry girls #disney’s violetta #violetta season 3 #violetta castillo #diecesca #sunshine on leith #the proclaimers #george mackay #netflix i am not okay with this #syd novak #stanley barber #enola holmes #netflix enola holmes #millie bobby brown #henry cavill #harriet #Harriet Tubman #cynthia erivo #the crimson field #Phineas and Ferb #phineas and ferb candace against the universe

[clexylexy]

rating wlw ships i’ve encountered in my gay life

(but only the ones that “actually” sailed... listed in the order i watched them)

1. stef and lena - the fosters

this is the first wlw ship i remember encountering. BEFORE i realized i’m a lesbian. 

i remember seeing stef’s journey with her husband and lena and thinking, “god i would hate that” and feeling personally attacked even though i thought i was straight. -3 points on accounts of slight pettiness in honor of pre-gay me.

it’s been a while since i watched this show, but from what i remember they were good together and i felt seen, even though i had no idea why. +.5 points.

total: 7.5/10

2. brittany and santana - glee

whoever let me watch this show? it’s ridiculous. -4 points on accounts of being ridiculous.

anyway, still didn’t know i’m gay at this point. but i remember being invested. 

i did enjoy santana’s arc. again, i felt very attacked because at the time i was in denial. -2 points on accounts of slight pettiness yet again.

they were always the best part of the show, though, in my opinion. +2 points.

total: 6/10

3. lexa and clarke - the 100 

i was invested in these two for A WHILE. 

only cons include that this was a slow burn that got cut off before the good feeling of a slow burn could hit. they didn’t even get to become a real couple because lexa died the second they consummated their relationship. -4 points on accounts of unnecessary pain. 

other than that, lots of gay pining and really obvious gay proclamations made by lexa, including but not limited to: “attack her and you attack me” and “i swear fealty to you, klark kom skaikru.” +2 points.

coincidentally, sometime during this show or maybe slightly before watching it i came to terms with my sexuality. +0 points on accounts of this not being affiliated with the show or the couple.

total: 8/10

4. kat and adena - the bold type 

i didn't like this show too much. i kept losing interest often. -3 points on accounts of... being bored.

i did, however, like the ship. i sometimes struggled to connect with it, i think because i wasn’t all that into the show as a whole. i’ve never been the type to watch a show just for the gay characters. -2 points.

please note that that’s just my opinion. you could very well end up liking the show a lot. i do remember them being apart for a lot of the season for some reason, which quickly made me lose focus. i can’t remember why, that’s how little this show stuck out to me.

total: 5/10

5. waverly and nicole - wynonna earp

lovely couple. very cute together. also, they care so much about one another and they get lots of screen time. 

plus, the show is killer. i love the cast and there's a lot of relatable characters.

i only watched seasons 1 and 2, however, because it stopped recording on my tv for GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON and i’m not caught up yet. so i can’t say anything on seasons after that.

total: 10/10

6. alex and maggie, then alex and kelly - supergirl

i love alex’s story line. it felt super relatable and real, plus she got some cute ladies. her sexuality isn’t turned into a big deal. as soon as she realizes and has that conversation with herself, it drops away. nobody is like, “huh, alex is gay???” ever again. she just... is.

i also really like that alex isn’t just with the first girl she meets, like a lot of wlw who realize they’re gay in a show. she realizes that her and maggie don’t share the same views, recognizes that she wants more, and breaks up with her. then she finds kelly. it’s realistic, i love it.

total: 10/10

7. elena and syd - one day at a time

such cute little babies. they have open conversations about themselves and their future and it’s insanely healthy. also elena’s coming out arc is wonderfully portrayed. i have nothing else to say, i love them.

total: 10/10

8. nico and karolina - marvel’s runaways 

one thing that stuck out to me about their relationship is that nobody butts into their business once they’ve made it abundantly clear that they’re together. they just get to exist. 

also, extra points for the whole “light and dark balancing each other out” thing that they have going on between them. i also appreciate that they get a good amount of screen time, and their relationship is realistic. 

total: 10/10

9. casey and izzie - atypical 

another case of a very realistic relationship that i was really able to connect to. it does take some time before they end up together, but this really only sold it more for me. they’re both young, and confused, and trying to wrap their heads around their feelings, and the time that it took for them to come together was honestly, in my opinion, worth it. 

total: 10/10

10. toni and cheryl - riverdale 

i’m sorry, but riverdale is just... absolute garbage after season 1. -5 points on account of just how horrible this show actually has become.

i watched clips of toni and cheryl on youtube when i learned they were together. they’re cute, and they clearly care for one another. i did like the way they came together, even though i was extremely confused whenever they would reference stuff going on outside of their relationship. 

one thing that sticks out, though, is that cheryl is an absolute bitch, and you already KNOW i am a softy for bitches who become ENTIRE WHOLE SOFTIES for their gfs. +1 point.

total: 6/10

11. korra and asami - the legend of korra 

they don’t actually get together until the final episode, and even then... there’s no kiss or anything. -6 points.

i did, however, like their friendship. i always thought (especially in the last season) that there was something more there. +1 point.

total: 5/10

12. eve and villanelle - killing eve

i am including this mainly because of the kiss, but also because of all of the... sexual tension. 

these two are not a good wlw couple in that they aren’t really even a “couple” at all, but i appreciate the cat-and-mouse game that they play throughout the show.

they can never really have any sort of “relationship” at all seeing as villanelle is a psychopath and i don’t really see them (well, eve) ever fully being able to move away from that. -3 points.

total: 7/10

13. ali and aster - the half of it

very good movie, really good representation. they do share a kiss, and their whole back-and-forth with the letters is adorable. 

but, there’s not a lot of gay content between the two of them. -4 points.

please note that this movie is not about the gays, though. it’s more about the friendship between ali and paul, and ali coming into her own and discovering who she is.

total: 6/10

14. harley quinn and poison ivy - harley quinn (2019) 

i adore their friendship, and i love their special bond. i am really only including them, however, because of the most recent kiss and harley’s gay panic. it is not entirely clear if they will actually end up together or not, but who knows tbh. -4 points.

total: 6/10

15. scylla and raelle - motherland: fort salem 

SUCH a good story line. i’ll admit, at first i was nervous because i was afraid this relationship might put a bad rep on wlw relationships. particularly because of scylla’s involvement with the spree, but it pulled through and gave me that good “holy shit this was supposed to be a mission but i actually fell in love” relationship i have always wanted...

also, they’re adorable. i appreciate that the gay stuff happens in the very first episode, too. so if you’re looking for that shit... this is the place to be. doesn’t hurt that the story is really good, too.

total: 10/10

#rating wlw ships #opinions #lgbt #scylla x raelle #harley quinn x poison ivy #ali x aster #eve x villanelle #korra x asami #toni x cheryl #casey x izzie #nico x karolina #elena x syd #alex x maggie #alex x kelly #waverly x nicole #kat x adena #lexa x clarke #stef x lena #brittany x santana

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

i would love to hear a s3 rant tbh

i started writing this a few months after s3 came out, because i needed that long to sort of soak up all the feelings and changes that came along with it. now i’m used to it enough that i don’t find myself thinking too hard about s3 when i get to it in rewatches–it’s a shift, but one i’m adjusted to. and now it’s premiere day for s4! so i’m finally done writing the rest of it. 

it is a shift, though, and i think that’s why so many of us in the fandom had mixed feelings about it–we still loved it, but we didn’t come away from s3 with the same lingering mood that we did after s2. for me, s3 was the first season that ended on a truly happy note. there was no heartbroken elena at her quinces, there was no distraught family hoping lydia would wake up.

s3 left pretty much all the characters in a good, hopeful place, so why did we find ourselves more inclined to pick it apart? why did it feel different, when all the individual character arcs and plot points were in the same world we love, and clearly handled with the same amount of effort and care as we expect?

the following giant analysis is my attempt to articulate an answer to that, as a fan who has watched the whole show….so many times. so many times, guys. just so much. i don’t even have a number anymore.

to give you an idea of what you’re in for, here’s the categories you’ll find behind the cut:

each season’s focus was different

brothers and other strangers

dr. b’s inclusion minimizing other relationships

schneider being more isolated from the family

schneider’s sobriety

schneider & avery

avery + other characters

penelope & mateo

misc other gripes

feel free to reply to this and/or send me asks, i spent way too long on it. :)

each season’s focus was different:

obviously, odaat is an ensemble show. every character gets moments of their own, and most have larger arcs. but because the show needs a focus, each season arguably belongs more to some of the characters than others.

the stars of s1 are penelope and elena.

penelope is our anchor to the family and the story, the one that everything else orbits around. we’re watching her live through the end of her marriage and become more settled in her new role as the primary parent to her kids. elena is figuring out who she is, then dealing with the fallout from sharing her truth with the people who matter to her. her quinces is the topic of debate in 1.01 and closes out the season in 1.13.

lydia steals scenes a lot, but she doesn’t really have a larger arc in s1. at the end of the season, she’s the same person she was at the beginning, just changed by her involvement in elena and penelope’s stories. same goes for alex–he has stories, but they’re a lot smaller and more contained. and schneider and leslie are only involved in the season because of their friendships with lydia and penelope, then in schneider’s case, his dynamic with alex later on.

the stars of s2 are penelope and lydia.

penelope goes back to school, has her first serious relationship post-divorce, and finally deals more seriously with her mental health struggles. lydia decides to become a u.s. citizen, struggles with her feelings toward leslie, and ends the season triumphant after a major health scare.

elena plays a major role in s2, but a lot of her story is a continuation from s1, with the return of victor and her first romantic relationship, and developments like her new job as a handyma’am are awesome but not the central focus of the season. alex gets to be the star of a few episodes, more than in s1, but they’re not really tied in to an overarching arc. his first job, his anti-immigrant bullying, and his time at the movies with penelope are all standalone plots.

schneider has a larger, more serious role in s2, going from ‘you guys are like family’ during quinces in s1 to ‘now, you’re my family’ to lydia in not yet. but he’s still on the outside, looking in. and leslie’s role remains one that supports penelope at work and lydia in friendship, rather than giving him his own plot.

the stars of s3 are alex and schneider.

in s3, penelope’s story is more settled, because so is she. her job is secure, her schoolwork is coming to a close, and her kids are growing up. she has a romance, but mateo is less important to her than max was, and the plot reflects that, with mateo barely around until penelope’s neglect of him becomes part of the joke. pen’s reacting to what’s going on around her more, whether that’s alex’s drug use or elena’s anxiety and secret hotel room or schneider’s sobriety.

that’s not a bad thing! justina kills it in every episode, penelope’s still funny and a tearjerker and strong as hell while flawed…but s3 is the first season that doesn’t completely revolve around her, storywise.

elena’s story is also more settled, on some levels. victor’s return gives her a much-deserved coda, evidence that her life couldn’t be neatly tied up in a bow after a year and that emotional scars do real damage. but even that plot, like her first time with syd and her driving lessons, are part of larger episodes involving other stories rather than the main focus of all of them. victor’s wedding, the finale episode, tries to move forward five of our six main characters, compared to elena’s quinces, which was almost exclusively her show.

lydia’s s3 plot includes her fabulous bouquet list, ideas about aging and motherhood and family. but she’s back to being a scene-stealer–even her bouquet list exists as a subplot in other people’s episodes.

having focused the most on the alvarez women in s1 and s2, the show finally gives alex more room to shine in s3, a development that surprised me but pleasantly so because it turns out that the more they give him to do, the better marcel is at it. s3 shows us an alex growing up, making dumb choices and learning from them, but also being there for his family in bigger and more mature ways, schneider included.

and schneider…gosh. schneider’s arc in s3 is so important that it’s the one they foreshadowed ominously before the season was even on netflix:

he did step into the spotlight as promised, and by the end of the season, he was a full-fledged canon member of the family. not that we needed them to tell us that, even if schneider did. :)

to start with, though, that’s part of why s3 feels different: because it is. the focus widens to different characters, and the ones we’re used to following more closely have more contained arcs.

brothers and other strangers

s3 also decided to introduce new family members. a LOT of new family members. and while they all added to the story, some fit in better than others. the funeral did this well, finally giving lydia’s estranged sister a face to go with the name, and giving us more of a glimpse at the big family penelope grew up around before the military and parenting narrowed her everyday focus.

but the show’s decision to anchor an episode on brothers gave us what felt like a lot of consistency issues. they explained pen’s sudden s3 brother, tito, by making his absence during lydia’s coma a topic of discussion. they couldn’t actually include a never before mentioned sibling for penelope without creating bigger confusion, though. it just wasn’t possible.

tito is apparently the older brother that lydia idolizes, but until 3.04 she’s never mentioned him in conversation once? when she’s in a coma reflecting on her family and how they’ll go on without her, her beloved son isn’t worth a mention? i can forgive the show for deciding to give pen a brother three years in, but i can’t pretend it wasn’t jarring when odaat treated her like an only child before that.

and this is a much smaller issue, but also in s3 suddenly syd has a younger brother? who is homeschooled too? when they were telling elena their only classmate was their chinchilla the year before? like i said, a relatively small thing but it still bugs me because it’s so random.

schneider now has sibling(s) too, apparently, but his comment about not being his father’s favorite child was the first time that came up, in three years of him talking about his parents and household staff and childhood stressors. i have so many questions. hopefully future seasons will clarify some things.

anyway, hermanos was a deeply confusing episode for me because tito came out of nowhere and schneider’s conversation with leslie, while lovely, was the first time we heard schneider (or anyone actually) label his relationship with penelope a sibling-ish one. it was clear during lydia’s coma that he considered lydia a friend who was also somewhat a maternal figure in his life, but it wasn’t until s3 that the show extended that dynamic, from ‘lydia is like his mom’ to ‘therefore he and pen are both her kids.’

i’ll get into this later, but i honestly think that was meant more to tie into the episode’s theme than because it was supposed to shift his friendship with penelope into new territory. we’re watching penelope deal with tito, and elena deal with alex, and schneider makes the one comment during an important scene with leslie. it’s still jarring though.

the very fact that schneider wasn’t with the family during their vacation felt like an inconsistency to a lot of us, whose two-seasons-worth of headcanons about schneider make ‘he secretly books the room next to theirs and crashes their vacation’ more believable than him staying home alone.

it was done in service to the season’s goals of adding tito to the mix and folding leslie in more, and both goals were accomplished…it just felt a little strange.

dr b’s greater inclusion minimizing other relationships

speaking of leslie, s3 for him was what s2 gave schneider–more ties to more characters, and the first real subplots we’ve seen him have about serious subjects. for good or bad, a lot of what stood out to me in s3 as different was related to the show making more room for leslie.

schneider not being with the alvarezes on their vacation, even though he’s at every family event including funerals now? penelope made it happen by ‘entrusting’ schneider with the care of her house(plant), but really it played out that way so we could see schneider and leslie bond.

elena’s driving lessons being handled by leslie? it’s fair enough that penelope isn’t the one doing it, since she’s busy and it stresses her out, but if you want me to believe that schneider wouldn’t have jumped at the opportunity, even with avery in his life now, you’re crazy. there’s no believable canon reason in s1 or s2 why leslie would be the one doing that, but it played out that way so we could see elena and leslie bond.

even alex gets to know leslie better because he’s more involved with elena, meaning that after s3 leslie finally has connections to the whole family (which schneider accomplished in s2 once he was mentoring elena in building repairs).

by the season finale, leslie is attending victor’s wedding, mistakenly butting in on elena’s time with her dad, and finally traveling to cuba with lydia while he shares his practice with penelope.

however you feel about s3 in general, the show had to change its usual dynamic in order to include leslie more in situations like driving lessons and weddings. it just wouldn’t have worked otherwise. for example, the funeral at the beginning of s3 doesn’t involve him at all, because why would it? unlike schneider, he hasn’t spent a ton of time bonding with the extended alvarez family prior to s3. he’s involved in big moments because he’s close to lydia or penelope.

s3 is the first time we really see him get involved in the story just on his own merits. and that required less schneider in family moments, which paired nicely with the season’s other visible difference.

schneider being more isolated from the family

the schneider we know and love from s2 would have offered to take over elena’s driving lessons as soon as he realized they were stressing pen out. he would have found an excuse to join them on vacation, and he would have been present when penelope realized elena was sneaking off to a hotel room with syd.

schneider prior to s3 was always around that way, witnessing threesome porn on alex’s laptop and picking up strangers at the airport for the quinces, making it easier for penelope to go to him when she needed advice or a hug. in s1, she may have started out getting his help as a last resort, but by late s2, she was often turning to him instead of her own family, or her support group. pen was reluctantly aware of his many hookups because she was at his apartment so much.

once avery’s in the picture, though, we see less of schneider in the family orbit, and it’s really not explained. penelope pulls him (literally) into alex’s drug storyline, but after that he’s mainly in other people’s storylines, like lydia wanting to teach penelope to cook, or alex spending too much on shoes.

even in anxiety, schneider’s status as penelope’s most trusted person is one scene in an episode that shows how she interacts with everyone in her life, rather than the climax of it–the way his time with her is in hello penelope.

beyond individual episodes, it’s the relationships that matter, and we just see a lot less of that with schneider and the family in s3. in s1 we saw him bonding with alex all the time, and in s2 schneider became more important to elena. but in s3…where is he?

alex goes to his apartment because penelope ordered him to, to get a lecture about reckless spending, and that’s the only one-on-one time we see them have before the laundry room in drinking and driving. are they still close? i’m assuming they are, because alex clearly still cares about him and vice versa, but whether it’s because alex is growing up or because schneider’s busier with his first real girlfriend, they’ve stopped hanging out.

i feel the same way about schneider and elena. her support of him when he relapses (how amazing is it that elena is the first alvarez to use the word ‘love’ with schneider, when he’s been closer to lydia and penelope longer? i adore one gay cuban teenager) makes it clear that he’s still important to her, but even her building maintenance seems to be done alone now. the only solo conversations they even have are at the funeral, in the very beginning of the season.

and while schneider and penelope remain friends in s3, the nature of their friendship has changed in a lot of ways. she’s at his apartment less, he’s at hers mostly when the whole family is around, and until his father’s visit they’re less close physically along with everything else.

schneider’s absence in big moments like elena learning to drive or smaller ones like a rare family vacation can be explained as storytelling choices, but they also make it easier to understand how he started drinking again, and how it was possible for him to keep it hidden (along with his avery breakup) before victor noticed.

when penelope went off her meds, schneider was the first person to confront her about her unusual behavior, but penelope doesn’t see the change in him until she’s looking for it. some of that is the show arguing that alcoholics are really good at covering their secrets up, but it also only works because though schneider is making appearances at meals and still involved with family, he’s around a lot less than he used to be.

schneider’s sobriety

deciding to dive into schneider’s sobriety was the defining choice of s3, in my opinion, that made it feel so different. if i had to pick just one, that would be it, because so much else spiderwebs out from it. 

finally seeing more of the world schneider comes from, in the arrival of his father? a major relapse trigger for him.

penelope telling him that choosing his father over his tenants means he’s not part of their family? seemingly the last thing she said to him before he drank.

his inclusion in the alvarez family museum? a way to show how his sobriety is the most impressive work he’s done in his whole life. 

penelope (and the rest of the family, but especially penelope, once they’re alone) doing whatever they can to support him and convince him to keep fighting? the clearest sign we’ve had in three season of how important schneider really is to them.

it’s an amazing story arc for him, and as much as it hurts to watch, i love it. 

but boy does it make season three a change from the first two.

after first setting up how proud of him dr b. and lydia are (the closest thing he has to loving parents) for his years of sobriety, we then see him tempted to drink thanks to his father’s actions and just general presence. 

but because of how the show handles the reveal, we actually don’t know for sure that he’s drinking again until penelope and lydia confirm it. we can be rightly suspicious–i saw that the dangling tag was no longer on the bottle when he placed it on his coffee table, and assumed then that he’d already opened it–but we can’t know.

which means that for the first time, just like penelope, we don’t know if we can trust schneider. schneider! who has wanted nothing more than to earn and keep the family’s trust this whole time. 

it’s so unsettling. as is his visible unraveling once he realizes he’s been caught. 

and the thing is, that we’ve seen this before, just like penelope has lived it before–the worst of her fights and fear with victor happened offscreen, but when he comes back we see him lie to her, try to convince her he can handle his own problems and she should leave it alone. 

but that…that was season one. that was victor, who moved in and out of the picture often in really hurtful ways, and who we weren’t encouraged to get attached to. 

schneider is lovable, and loving, and present. and yet in season three, he also becomes a version of himself who is reactive, and dishonest, and will do whatever it takes to avoid being confronted about his relapse. including trying to hurt and push away the people he loves most.

i think part of why his relapse is so effective as an arc is because it’s as hard for the viewers to expect such a sharp turn from the sweet, laid-back guy we met in s1 as it is for penelope and her family. but that’s also why s3 leaves us shaken.

schneider & avery

oh gosh, schneider and avery. i’ve talked about them a lot before, so i’ll just say here that they brought her in with great potential, then let her stay so far on the sidelines of the show after the valentine’s day episode that it became impossible to know who she was anymore, what role she played in his life, and what their future could possibly look like now that they were reunited at the wedding. 

is she the gorgeous nerdy artist who has just enough in common with him to be a good fit long-term? is she rich and more suited to the world he comes from? is she uninterested in his life outside of what they do for fun together, so that she’ll never get to know his chosen family at all?

it seemed to change each time we saw her, and by the end of her involvement in schneider’s s3 storyline, we didn’t even know what had broken them up before we were supposed to be rooting for them to get back together. 

my theory continues to be that the people making the show were blinded by the impossible cuteness of real life marrieds todd and india, and forgot to make sure their plot threads on the show made sense. 

because avery was never going to get a ton of screen time, she was a minor character–but revolving any part of his story around her kind of gave the show a duty to at least give us a clue of what the heck was going on.

avery + other characters

my other major complaint about avery (who i genuinely adored, at least for her first couple of episodes! my liveblog of her existence in s3 is just a lot of flailing about her being so freaking cute) is that the show keeps her in a totally unprecedented bubble.

penelope’s love interests? always interact with her family. whether it’s ben getting a text from lydia, because he wasn’t around long enough for more, mateo joining an unexpected party, or max spending whatever time he could at her house…we always got to know how her guys related to her family, and that helped us understand them and the relationships better. 

syd of course spends a ton of time around elena’s family, and we’re going to see alex’s girlfriend meet the family this season. you could argue that those comparisons are different because schneider’s not one of them, his storylines are less central than say, penelope’s are–and that’s true. but even dr. b’s girlfriend got a long bathroom scene with lydia and we see/know much less about leslie than we do schneider. 

mostly though, this bugs me because avery clearly spends time in their home! she’s there for valentine’s day, and penelope also tells schneider to invite her during ‘the man.’ and she works at the kids’ school, so she’s in their orbit on another level. penelope is able to get in touch with her and find out they broke up.

and yet, the first real love interest for schneider that could be a healthy and serious relationship…and onscreen, lydia never meets her. doesn’t try to figure out if she’s good enough for the adopted son lydia has been encouraging to find love for three years. they never interact. 

elena, who developed a serious interest in alex’s love life and a taste for gossip in season one, appears to have no interest in the woman schneider’s seeing. alex, i could understand not caring, because he’s generally happier caring about what directly affects him and what he can do to help others…if schneider’s happy, i get why he might stay out of it. 

but it just sort of grates on me that none of the women in schneider’s family have a conversation with avery onscreen, beyond the moment when penelope is trying to kick her and schneider out and she pushes back. if avery is in a scene, she’s talking to and focused on schneider, or nikki, or schneider’s father. none of the family. is that because she doesn’t feel like she has to make an effort to know them? or because the show just wasn’t thinking about that? even though we see it with every other love interest brought into the house?

i mean, when you pay attention to that, then of course we don’t have a clear sense of who she is! how can we when there’s no reason to believe that anyone who cares about schneider does either? 

penelope & mateo

penelope’s relationship with mateo puzzles me almost as much as schneider and avery–and in some ways, even more. we see their friendship first, we watch them deny interest in more than that with each other. then penelope pushes the issue and they do decide to date, but just like with avery, the show doesn’t have a lot of screentime to offer him. 

so what we know about her new boyfriend is that they have some things in common that she really values but maybe too much in common to avoid fighting about it–and then we barely see him again, learning mainly through his absence that she’s just not that into him, until eventually they break up because it turns out he was more into his ex than her anyway.

there’s a karmic sort of humor in that for penelope, but for me it left mateo feeling like a waste of a love interest. we really didn’t get to enjoy their relationship much, especially if they wanted us to miss it when it was gone…so was it worth the time they spent setting it up in the first place? 

for me the answer to that was no. especially since as her ‘longtime’ school volunteer buddy, we’d never seen him before. and i feel like it’s not likely we’ll see him again.

penelope & schneider

this is a frustrating one for me because while i have complaints about these two and their relationship in s3 it was also AMAZING and i LOVED it. both are true.

the confusing part is that their dynamic is inconsistent in s3. think some of that is because the show is trying to do so much at once. fully bring schneider into the family, focus their romantic lives on other people, deepen their bond, deny the possibility of a romance between them, keep them each other’s person.

in s1 they’re landlord and tenant but also becoming real friends. in s2 they’re best friends and he’s a honorary part of the family now (though still an outsider). 

but in s3 he’s established clearly as her best friend and most trusted person, a guy who’s become deeply important to her and her whole family–so much so that after his relapse, they come together to support him much like they all did lydia in s2. 

but penelope treats him dramatically differently from moment to moment and episode to episode in s3. like an annoying brother when he’s getting cooking lessons from her mom, like a life partner when alex’s behavior has her angry and scared, like a bff when she’s considering dating mateo, and even a little like a flirting companion at the wedding.

it’s not completely unprecedented for their dynamic to have multiple layers. his relationship with lydia is complicated too. in past seasons, he flirted with both penelope and her mom–while they also laughed at victor calling them a couple and he told comatose lydia how important her mothering was to him. 

but they lean harder into it during lydia’s cooking lessons, while still hitting the beats hard of ‘are you sure you’re not dating?’ during penelope’s support group and schneider’s dad’s visit. the contrasting takes on their friendship is just a lot of whiplash in a single season.

another thing about s3 that’s different is the kinds of physical contact between penelope and schneider. you might not notice unless you’re looking for it, but penelope actually touches schneider more than he does her. lightly, casually, briefly. she makes contact in a friendly, familiar way all the time. schneider is more likely to touch her when it’s important, in big moments, as though he knows that she trusts him and welcomes him in her space but he doesn’t want to abuse the privilege.

i studied it for making gifsets, and she touches him more every season. and while he touches her a lot more in s2 than in s1, s3 is actually about the same amount. penelope grew visibly closer to him this season, but he held himself back from getting any more familiar. he was also the only one of the two of them who compared her to blood family. for now,it’s really up to interpretation if there’s a deeper reasoning behind that.

for both of them, though, more than half of the physical contact they make in s3 happens in just two episodes, both towards the end of the season. not only does schneider’s father’s visit and his relapse bring them closer together, literally and physically, but the season up until that point has them further apart. 

they spend time together stalking alex, or with schneider talking her down from her panic, but the casual dinners are less, and she’s going to him less for advice–which means there are less small touches, less moments where schneider sits her down on his couch or she nudges him affectionately. 

that makes it all the more intense when they do connect, with penelope holding his hand and them hugging twice all within the same few minutes. and then after his relapse, their conversation alone in the apartment is so tense and so much more separate than they usually are.

the last time she touched him was in the man, the most open and complimentary she’s ever been, and look what happened. this isn’t the man she knows and loves, she needs to reach her best friend who’s still in there somewhere under all the pain and self-loathing, but she tries to do so with honesty first, with bluntness, with tough love, with listening kindly but not without pushing back, and finally with his place in her family–as a role model for the kids. 

only once he’s agreeing with her about the course of action and just doubting his ability to survive it does she reach out. once he’s himself again. and then she’s more there for him physically than she ever has been before. this is a new level of intimacy between them, schneider letting her in rather than excusing himself during tough times, her giving rather than just taking support, her being his silent rock the way he always is hers.

it’s just different than the previous seasons, between them. the problem is that while you’re watching it, it’s hard to pin down what message about their relationship the show is trying to send, since they touch less but more deliberately, and they’re family but not in a way that has well-defined boundaries.

misc other gripes

elena’s world shrinking

as of s3, what exactly is elena’s life outside of syd and anxiety? don’t get me wrong, i love her relationship with syd, and the anxiety plot was good–driving lessons too, which were tied to the anxiety somewhat. 

but if we’re pulling back to look at the bigger picture, elena in season one was a lonely club leader, figuring out her identity, and navigating disagreements with her family. 

elena in season two was experiencing her first relationship, finding her first group of geeky friends to hang out with irl, confronting the fallout of victor’s behavior in s1, and continuing her academic hard work while also adding lots of political engagement.

in comparison, elena in season three exchanges ‘i love yous’ and has sex for the first time, as well as makes up with syd after their first fight. she learns she has anxiety and gets her driver’s license and continues to heal her relationship with victor, but…she has no friends anymore? no mention of josh or carmen or any of the echo park gamers? and she’s studying for testing, it seemed like, but she’s not in clubs anymore or volunteering or protesting? her whole world outside her family isn’t really syd, is it?? because i know first love is amazing, but that’s not healthy.

i said up there that less of the story belongs to elena after s1, and this is a large part of why i feel that way. the show treats her like some of her bigger arcs are settling down, rather than expanding, giving her subplots instead and making room for the other characters. it’s weird to watch though when just a quick comment here and there would have implied that she still spends time with friends or fellow social justice warriors.

lydia’s humor goes dark

when it comes to lydia, season one includes some jokes about her ending up in a home–or to be more specific, the fact that she never will. her comedy in season two revolves a lot around her identity, with her decision to become a citizen. 

and then, we go into season three after her coma. though she appears to be in good health, the family is still worried, and elena especially tries to protect her from herself.

whether it’s specifically related to her near-death experience or not, season three involves way more death jokes. things like lydia looking up, and inviting god to reunite her with her husband ‘berto, i am ready,’ she says, then sort of shrugs when death doesn’t arrive. 

it’s not unfunny…but it’s a different kind of humor. i can’t say i enjoyed the edge to it, probably because i was elena’s age when my grandmother died, and she was also a deeply religious woman who was awaiting her invitation to heaven. 

alex also has no friends anymore? does he still play baseball?

the way that s3 gives alex so much more to do, storywise, is awesome. but just like elena, his world seems to have gotten smaller in terms of socializing. we hear about his girlfriend but don’t meet her, and we never see him interact with friends, either–besides things like instagram. 

this one’s really a minor complaint because he has whole important storylines in s3 and at least the show does imply he still has friends…but it’s a little odd for the most popular alvarez teen to spend more time chatting with dr. berkowitz than any friends his own age. especially when he used to be so involved in baseball that we at least saw his teammates. 

it’s not clear to me if season three just didn’t overlap with sports season for him this time around, or if he gave baseball up–but if it were the latter, you’d think they would mention that.

scott came back but not lori

i honestly don’t know which of the show’s casting choices are influenced by availability and which are choices they make for plots they want–other than carmen leaving, because i know ariela went to another show.

but while lori hasn’t been around since season one, scott went missing after the second episode of season two…and then appeared in the second episode of season three before never showing up in the rest of the season. 

there’s no continuity problem with this or anything–i just don’t like scott and wish that if they were only going to keep one of pen’s coworkers, it would’ve been lori. i know that wouldn’t have let him do what they were able to with scott. but still.

max came back why?

i like max, for the record. he’s been my favorite of all penelope’s love interests so far, and i felt bad for them both when they broke up. but in terms of the finale, it felt really jarring the way they included his little appearance. 

in that one scene, the show managed to remind us that they truly loved each other, genuinely supported and cared for each other, had common background and went back a long time as friends–and that out of all the men penelope had been with, he was the one she was still hurting over.

and then he left, as easily as he appeared. 

besides reminding us that her major relationship in s2 was with max, what did that scene accomplish? it didn’t feel like closure, because it didn’t add anything to their original breakup. but it also didn’t change anything about how they ended–he remained someone she wasn’t going to be with, even though they loved each other a lot. 

the only explanation i can think of is that the show wanted to work with the actor again. because if their goal was to confirm that yes, she and max really were great together even though she wasn’t going to be with him…we didn’t need more confirmation of that. we got the message in s2. ed quinn is great though.

#i'm not going to reread this one last time because my brain is just very tired of it...it's so long lol #so yknow..forgive any typos or tell me about them so i can fix them #also writing half of this almost a year ago means it might not be entirely coherent? idk #one day at a time #odaat #schneider #penelope alvarez #elena alvarez #alex alvarez #lydia riera #leslie berkowitz #avery #max ferraro #lori and scott and mateo are also in this a little but i don't think i have tags for them #replies #anons are love #meta #mine #odaat meta

[unladyboss]

MORE UNTRUSTWORTHY THINGS ABOUT FAK

No secret that I don't trust Fak.

That's based on how he behaves and the parallels to him and the BILL Black character in Time Out Of Joint by Philip k Dick

In season 1 episode 7 Review we see exposition. We see clues that he not there to help, but to hinder Carmy's progress

When Carmy is visibly upset about the review in the paper, Fak makes a dig to further irritate. He says 'What's a ribbon of brine?' Knowing that's what Carmy just said to Sydney

When Carmy starts to Freak out and give orders he tells Fak to do anything HUMANLY POSSIBLE to help (the writers are doing this show as realistically as possible so there won't be much sci Fi-ness like in Time out of Joint or Blade runner which they refence in posters or conversations between characters), but that little phrase that Carmy is aware on some level that FAK is at the very least, inhumane.

Fak we see was just standing around with a screwdriver pretending to screw the display case

We aren't focused on him. We are focused on Carmy

He grabbed some to go boxes

We don't see him do anything else but cover his face or point out that Carmy is mad.

We don't focus on him because we are looking at Carmy or Syd or Richie

Also please note, in Time out of Joint. Bill Black/NEIL FAK, is involved with the character that parallels Natalie ROSE Berzatto, even though she is married both in The Bear and in Time out of Joint

We see that Fak has what looks like a ROSE TATTOO on his neck

I'm just pointing out what I see

There are also notes that give clues as to what Fak is really like. (He sucks)

The writers also put rose references or have Natalie around Carmy when things are going wrong for him (Kafkaesque event)

READ ABOUT TIME OUT OF JOINT AND THE BEAR HERE

#the bear #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #richie jerimovich #philip k. dick #philip k dick #time out of joint

[wandering-----wonderings]

Ok, this scene bothers me slightly, because it's like when the wrote it they didn't really care to double check themselves on it. We never see any pre-Sydney on the show except for when she was a kid and a quick bit of her recruitment during Q&A (1x17); all, to my recollection, silent scenes. In this episode (All The Time In The World; 5X17), they're going back (with non-silent scenes) and showing some of Sydney's life before SD-6.

In this particular scene ... well, let me break it down.

- Put on your dancing shoes. We are going out tonight. - I can't tonight. - "Can't" is not an option. Charlie got us passes for that new club in Silver Lake. - That job fair's tonight. I want to go. - Job fair? Syd! You've four years to figure out what kind of job you want. - My advisor yelled at me 'cause I still haven't picked a major. - Education. Done. Be a teacher like your mom. You always talk about how happy she was. - I thought about that. But I think of teaching as my safety net. - Teaching's no safety net. You know how dangerous it is to be a teacher? Kids bring knives to school these days. - I hate that I could make a decision now that would affect the rest of my life. - Well, I say go with education. Oh, Charlie is bringing a friend tonight - Danny something. We'll pick you up at eight. - I'll see you later. - Sydney Bristow? I was hoping I might have a moment of your time.

First, we have the location. That ''new club in Silver Lake'' is supposed to be ''a new coffee shop that has live jazz in the afternoons'' in ''Westwood''. The time, then, is also off: it should be ''afternoon'' instead of ''tonight''.

Second, Sydney doesn't go to a job fair. Earlier, before this scene in the book (Recruited), she's perusing the paper for a job - doesn't find one. Francie gets her on at the restaurant she works at, Les Amis Cafe. The end of her waitressing days also happened before this scene. The excuse for not going with Francie and Baxter is that she's swamped with homework - which, isn't untrue.

Thirdly, ''I still haven't picked a major'' is wrong, too. In the book, it reads: ''Only one thing was wrong with her mental picture. It wasn't happening for her. Not good for an education major.'' Francie also says to Sydney, ''So you're serious about this master teacher plan, huh?'' So, yeah, I'd say Sydney's planned on the teacher thing for a while.

Fourth, and my main problem with this, is that Charlie and Danny are never mentioned in the books. Francie is dating a guy named Baxter and (earlier in the book) she encourages Sydney to ask out her crush (Dean Carothers) to a party - it doesn't go well. No Charlie, no Danny. Now, this could all be solved by saying that not everyone read the books and the writers wanted to use characters that people would remember from season 1. Ok ... but, we knew about Noah Hicks (Sydney's first real boyfriend) in season 1. So, what, she met Danny and was just friends with him, got recruited, had a relationship with Noah, and then after Noah left she went to Danny? The problem with that is, again, Danny was never mentioned in the books. Too, I'm sure just using the names in the books cost money; which may be why they chose not to use Danny or Charlie - or Will or Marshall for that matter. (They have a Graham Flinkman and it's my personal belief that he is Marshall's older brother; that Graham either retired out - or worse - and then SD-6 recruited his just-as-brilliant younger brother to replace him. That seems like something right up Sloane's alley, anyway.)

My point is, the season 5 scene happened after the books were written and it was an exact scene; the same scene portrayed in two different ways. If they were going to shoot a scene for the show that they'd already written in the books, why weren't they consistent?

Unless they wanted someone to notice. I vaguely remember reading something about The Box part 1&2 (1x12-13 - the one with Quentin Tarantino in it) that they made mistakes in the episode on purpose to see if anyone could find them. As much as I re-watched the series, I could point out a lot of them; now, the only one I remember right off is in one scene, the woman has zip-ties on her belt, the camera focuses on someone else and when it comes back to her she no longer has the zip-ties.

I'm being picky aren't I? Oh, well, I've already started - might as well do the other memories.

Now this 'memory' I don't have a problem with - because it's a deleted scene. First, yes, Sydney did have to take a lot of tests and, yes, she did better than anyone. She was a little out of character, though. What's wrong with it is that Sydney doesn't meet Dixon until Noah Hicks introduces her to him (very briefly) in the third book (Disappeared). So all the tests she took, she took them before she met Dixon. She did bump into him on the way to Sloane's office in the first book (Recruited), which was actually shown in 1x17 (Q&A), but we don't really know it's him because no name was used, just a description. ''...bumping shoulders with a tall, dignified-looking black man.'' Again, it's a deleted scene, so maybe the reason it got cut was that they realized it didn't work with what they already had out there. Which begs the question: why didn't they do that with the Francie and Sydney scene?

Speaking of the 1x17 scene, she did start out at a desk job on the twentieth-floor. A difference is that the book says she had to sign ''about two dozen nondisclosure agreements'' and the episode has that number at ''about five-hundred'' - big difference if you ask me, but she might have had to sign more over time that totaled to ''about five-hundred''. Another thing, is that Wilson (her handler and recruiter into SD-6) didn't take Sydney from the hallway to Sloane's office; she was in Wilson's office and he took her to Sloane's office from there, and that was when the shoulder bump happened with Dixon. The hallway scene is actually more reminiscent of when Wilson took Sydney (to his office) to meet Pilar and Yoav, her weapons and hand-to-hand combat instructors, respectively. Other than that, it was pretty accurate.

This could have happened, plain and simple. There's nothing (to my current knowledge) that says whether or not it did or didn't.

In the book it says Jack was in car with Laura/Irena, and in the scene ... well, it doesn't say he wasn't, he was just telling Sydney her mom died. So, yes, this could have happened and it fits both the book and show, but wasn't this something that they actually varied with on the show? Like, it was a bridge then it was a road, he was in the car then he wasn't. That part I can't remember.

Also could have happened. It doesn't go against the other scene they had of her putting the puzzle together when she was under hypnosis. What's intriguing is how Jack is acting. He's a little colder in the hypnosis scene than he is in this scene, but that actually fits with his relationship with Sydney becoming as strained as it was. In the memory when Sydney first learned of the puzzle, and at her birthday party (which may or may not be an entirely accurate memory), Jack was warm and kind to her, and by the time Sydney has gone through the project and is able to build a gun he's starting to become cold and detached. Project Christmas itself is most likely the reason why. After all, taking your young child to Build-a-Gun workshop and then erasing her memory is bound to have an effect on anyone.

Now, this memory could have happened because there's no mention of her telling him she works in a bank in the books; so she must have told him at some point because he seemed to already know when he (finally) made a book appearance. ''She had barely even heard from her father since she'd started college.'' Although, we don't get to read how there first dinner went (in Father Figure) since it has her meeting him right as the chapter ends. After that he's trying to get her to focus on school - like he did in the episode but he was trying to be more stealthy in the book. Granted, everything that happened between them in the book would have been too long to show, so this memory kinda sums it all up. However, there is the small issue of where the scene happened. In the memory, it shows Sydney coming through the door and saying ''Dad? Are you home?'' The books, on the other hand, say ''His home base was still L.A., but he didn't even keep an apartment anymore, choosing instead to live in hotels on the rare occasion he was actually in town.'' Now, we don't see the outside of where 'home' is, so it could be a hotel. Although, with as much as he travels and how little she sees/hears from him, I doubt she'd have a key to get in - and what kind of spy leaves the door unlocked. Also, it doesn't really look like a hotel from the inside, and I don't recall ever having been in a hotel room that had a hallway in it; not to say that they don't, but if Jack just got a room for himself then I'm imagining him going for something basic. So books say hotel, memory indicates a house.

Could have happened. It didn't happen in the books, but doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Ok, I'm done now. I know I'm being too picky. I just love this series so much. They were the first ''adult books'' that I read and I guess it kinda just stuck with me. Which, technically, they're classified as ''teen fiction'', but there was crushing and kissing and kick butt-age and, of course, spy-drama, so at the time I was reading them they felt very adult.

#Alias #All The Time In The World #5x17

[wellntruly]

LEGION Recap 2x02

The second episode of the second season of Legion was directed by Ana Lily Amirpour, the Iranian-English filmmaker who made A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. I mention this primarily so that I can link you to this fantastic interview with her where she breaks down just how much she enjoyed making Dan Stevens earnestly talk to a cat for take after take. Amirpour is clearly a true bro & advocate for us all and I hope she returns soon.

Season 2, ‘Chapter 10′

Me, watching the pilot a year ago:

“Listen, being a basic defender of the woozily mind-bending is an integral part of my brand, and I’ll not be stopping any time soon. I LOVE THIS SHIT. I love being bewildered and spun around and dazzled and alarmed, love that it makes us party to the psychological carousel of calamity that is having to live inside David’s poor beautiful patched-together-rocket-lamp head.”

Ana Lily Amirpour, nine episodes later:

Actual Psychological Carousel of Calamity

THX!!!

Rising and falling on his horse of gilt and paint, David is trying to talk it out with Shadow!Oliver and the Lenntity. Or, well wait, would she just be Shadow!Lenny? “Are you you AT ALL?” David suddenly wants to know, thank u doll, always asking the Questions. “The cornflakes girl from the hospital, who couldn’t stand the word nipples?” With a weary sigh, Oliver “I try never to have conversations about time” Bird (is he him?) begs him not to get so hung up on philosophical mind/body/identity questions. He also refers to Lenny as “my associate” and for some reason I loved that even more than his pronunciation of “puma.”

So sure, let’s focus on the practical [*laughing*]. Because he loves and trusts Syd, David is going to draw the team away from Div 3 so that….~these two~ can sneak in and look for clues for finding Farouk’s irl body. David being David, he wants to be clear—“ultra clear”—that they are not to harm anyone. Okay? Okay. Break.

Break my heart upon my knee——

IT’S AN ANDREW WYETH EXCLUSIVE SHIPPED STRAIGHT TO YOUR GIRL!!!!!

You know that giggling that’s just an overflowing of feeling wonderful? Me @ this show.

Spectacularly, this abstract golden field with a fortune teller’s booth that we see Oliver visit is a REAL-ASS PLACE, and where David brings a security detail, Syd, Ptonomy, and three of the Vermillion on his Diversion Excursion. It’s dark but I can still tell David is wearing something absurd, potentially a blue buffalo check jacket? I’d screenshot but I’m saving my allotment for this:

Stuunnnning

There’s no one there now of course, just a music box that Syd crouches down and gazes at, having a quiet, unwelcome flashback to watching it in her room as a little girl. The actress they found for young Rachel Keller is some real good face casting, and I sure hope that indicates they took their time with this because we’re gonna get more of her backstory some day.

Meanwhile, Shadow Oliver & Lenny are breaking into Headquarters to this episode’s musical number, christ, y e s. And that’s musical as in Musical!, Aubrey Plaza singing Bing Crosby’s ’Swinging On a Star’ as they dance through the halls, cascading guards into piles of black glittering sand on the beat. Oh noo. I thought we were ultra clear.

In his lab, Cary talks with Kerry as he examines the Orb, which apparently we have? Apparently we have! It’s a nice little thing how Cary chatting with Kerry manifests like every distracted nerd talking to themselves as they work on something. He’s got a weird feeling that he made this, haha, definitely you did, Grandfather’s Orb Paradox. Meanwhile, Oliver and Lenny dance-creep by in the shadows to a combo of Bing Crosby and a horror string-slide.

Oliver peels off on his own to go on a Weighted Pauses tour, pausing first in Melanie’s doorway to stare at her a moment in the dark, oooh boy, then later pausing in front of the chamber where all the Chatterers stand. Through the glass, he suddenly is—that sunglasses wearing man from the Eiffel Tower room?? Wait hold on, is THAT Farouk??!! Well then who the fuck was the roundy bald guy in the Club!!! Oh my gosh I’m just all turned around!

I wish Cary would turn around, incidentally, but instead he’s walking out into the dark hallway stirring black coffee in a cat mug. He runs right into Shadow!Oliver, whoop, who sinisterly booms at him inside his own head. Kerry tears out with a “Let’s dance, asshole,” a threat rather likely to be literal in this show. But lest we start thinking this show is predictable, Shadow!Lenny reaches an arm up through the concrete floor, wraps a hand around Cary’s calf, and yanks him into the apartment below.

Oh lord that is deliciously terrifying.

Oliver grows and looms giant and grinning over Kerry while Lenny prowls up on Cary, who’s trying to defend himself by valiantly holding up his coffee spoon, bless. Lenny just grins and turns into some sort of un-tuning fork with a dark tap of her finger. God every idea in this X-Men fantasia is just like Yes And.

Thankfully, our devil-may-care devils vanish as soon as David, Syd, and Ptonomy show up. Syd asks if David can still feel them anywhere nearby, and he closes his eyes and raises a vague hand near his temple in the mimic of an amplifying array, a physical focus like miming the scissors you’re looking for. It’s the first time I’ve seen him just naturally fall into a telepath gesture, and my Charles-y heart flipped a beat.

Anyway, no they’re gone. But when the Carries try to recombine, something goes awry (the un-tuning oh no!) and Cary ends up inside Kerry. This is very topsy-turvy! They are distressed, gang!

The next day, Melanie dons a fabulous pair of glasses and a soft cardigan (another choice look for Dr. Bird---your neighbor who teaches at the local college and makes hand thrown pottery), and reports to Admiral Fukiyama that Oliver-Farouk spoke to her last night during his pause-loom. He’s looking for a monk of the Mi-Go Order. MONKS. Roundy dude??

Honestly I’ve kinda missed Headmistress Melanie with her kids, this is great.

Anyway the Vermillion are like “IM•POSS•IB•LE” because the Mi-Go Monks were all wiped out by MISER SUNDAY. I’m sorry whomst? David is #same, and Melanie hilariously just shushes him with a “It was before your time.” But evidently there are rumors that some Mi-Go Monks may have survived, and given that they were the ones who hid Farouk’s body, if there is a monk (roundy dude!), he’d know the scoop.

But Fukiyama doesn’t really want to talk about the potential existence of this monk in front of David, whom they announce is 63% likely to have been lying to them, about Everything. David’s like excuse me, 100% of the time I am only lying…23% of the time. Syd on the other hand just gets indignant. Farouk is the one who lies, Farouk is deceiving them, don’t call David the liar when she currently has some questioning feelings about that herself please!!

Interestingly, Melanie warns Fukiyama not to anger their only hope of defeating this villain. The only person in the room mad right now: Syd Barrett. Hm!

David meanwhile, feels guilty, soo guilty. He kneels in dismay by the piles of damp black sand that were the guards, before jogging off in morose anxiety through the corridors, looking kind of like he’s on the 2001: A Space Odyssey jogging loop when seen through the basket surveillance screen that General Fukiyama appears to have!! Oh shit. They flip through different views, including the guard dirt getting literally vacuumed up, haha oh my GOD, and eventually settle over Kerry, lying painfully on a cot in the lab.

Kerry is stressed, dizzy, stiff. She does not like this one bit. She talks with Cary, who’s scared; they try to calm each other. My darlings! David veers in from his Guiltiness Jog, and with startled concern asks if she’s okay—another thing to feel guilty abooouut. Kerry can tell right away that he wants something (guiltguilt), and David admits that he is hoping to get help modifying the tank because he, uh, has a new plan to find Farouk.

- Liar - he calls himself from somewhere in his head. From another corner - Shut up shut up -

When David tried to hang himself, the voices were telling him to stop. Do you ever think about that. Or that he still hears them. Do you still wonder what the stars said.

- Tell. Her. The truth. - “I wouldn’t ask unless…” - You need to talk to Syd. Future Syd - - Is that…did you just give her a nickname? -

That’s my guy, that’s my relatable boy—in a moral muddle and constantly roasting himself in the second person.

Spinning on, David proposes that the way he’ll be able to find Farouk is by, hold on to your caps: looking into the future. In this world that actually sounds pretty believable as an approach, so Cary gets on board. Tentatively.

Kerry: “Cary said it might be too dangerous, and you could explode.” David:

The glucose solution: [sloshes very gently]

But David’s kind of on roller-skates right now vis-a-vis his decision making, and just careens ahead all “well fortune favors the bold I guess!! Imma hop into this mocktail fax me to the future.”

Cary directs Kerry around his lab plugging cords in and switching lightning bolt levers, and inside the Cerebrorb David gets blasted with a laser-y fuchsia screensaver and warblingly warped through a bunch of SnapChat filters. Finally he flips his eyes open, whole and dry, and HO. LY SHIT. His movements are in strange skippy rushes you can hear like rustling tape, just like the people in that purple space in—

IN TWIN PEAKS THE FUCKING RETURN!!!!

David also finds a round window sunk in the floor with jellyfish cruising by, so he’s also in Mason Verger’s house apparently. God.

Then Future Syd appears in one of the purple frames, still rocking the apocalypse chic updo. She is Very Bewildered! It shouldn’t be possible for her to see David, not again. David just goes haha, “What am I dead in the future?” and Syd gives him a look. “Wait am I dead?” Oh hun, you dear idiot.

Future Syd doesn’t get into details, appears to have developed some of Oliver’s disdain for discussing things that don’t really matter (the nature of reality, how you die, etc), and just explains to David that the reason why she wants him to help Farouk, keep him alive and powerful, is because in her timeline David killed him, and later they could have really used his help against whatever New Threat swept the world. She only describes it as beginning “like any other idea—as an egg.” [*Jon Hamm-inflected shiver*] David protests that the Shadow King has killed people and he’s complicit, but Syd’s just blandly like you studied the Trolley Problem in school yeah? While a few will die because of Farouk, without him everyone dies.

This Syd is different than the Syd David knows, but he loves her, he loves her always. He asks if she would want to see him again. She’s touched, tells him he’s still as he was: sweet. That’s what Amy called him too. I love that.

The purple light grows, and Future Syd steps back into it. David awakes back in his glucose pod. Lol, our sweet boy.

Chapter 4! UMWELT, nice, Germanic. I did not know chapters could cross episodes! Nifty. And is— yeesss, Jon Hamm is back. Btw, in my excitement last episode over discovering that Professor Loudermilk is a Lemony Snickett character doing science with finely wrought mechanical instruments and strawberry extract, I seem to have neglected the other way in which Legion is like A Series of Unfortunate Events: casting the other Patrick Warburton as our loyal narrator. Terrific.

In this segment, Jon Hamm talks to us about how animals perceive reality. Most animals understand the world physically, through their bodies, and that is their reality and it’s fine—no trouble there. Humans on the other hand, perceive the world through our minds. We have to agree with each other, philosophically and practically, on what reality is. Incidentally, he reminds us, humans are the only animals who ever go mad.

Hopping up some big plaza steps at Division 3, David runs into Clark, who asks him to sit with him for a spell in the aquatic automat. David’s like oh, yeah, I was actually on my way to the hot tub that lets me see the future, and Clark, revealing that ol Basket Head is not the only one with surveilling capabilities, asks wasn’t he just there?

“Over my head, the science,” Clark hand waves, “but I gotta ask: did it work?”

“What?” David asks, confused.

“That line you gave.”

Ohhhhh SNAP. Hahaha Claarrrk.

Beyond that though this scene is really just a repeat of Clark and David’s trustworthiness conversation last episode, which only serves to highlight the unfortunate corner they’ve written themselves into here. Because the fact is, there are simply way more reasons for David Haller, a confirmed sweetheart & trusting soul who even tried to cooperate with the people holding him hostage in a pool, to just tell his friends and teammates the truth about what happened to him and ask for help, than there are for him to not. In fact there is only one reason for him not to, and that is top-down plotting (tsk tsk). The longer this forced isolated secrecy goes on the more artificial it’s going to taste, so consider your timer already started, Hawley et al. You gotta get this resolved my guys! It’s untenable in the longterm! Honestly it’s untenable now.

But right now it looks like David’s gonna first try taking matters into his own hands. Or, into his own mind. He walks into an open room (past a black oily Delusion trail on the floor, aahhhhh) and pops up crosslegged on a couch to meditate up a mediation.

Thank u for my LIFE honestly.

The only thing for miles is the fortune teller booth, so David takes a tentative seat, and dings the brass bell.

SUNGLASSES APPEARS. They’re shaped like honeycomb.

“Why so sad, my dear?” is literally the first thing he says to him, oh my god. Okay well this guy is definitely Farouk. The Shadow King has always been so….This Way with David. All of his lines in this scene are just a different vocab filter on the same smiley preying come ons and needling that David would get when Farouk was running through Lenny. Appreciate the consistency! Also, as always: yikes!

David is momentarily confused by all this, because he genuinely did not know what Amahl Farouk looked like, wow that was not a lie at all. Well surprise! This is the true face of your monster, kid. No longer Lenny with her foot in your crotch, but still on that yarn about how the two of you could fight God if you want to, dontcha waaaaanta. Farouk’s white teeth flash as he idly switches from English to French to Farsi and back, which is wildly fun and good, especially as I like to imagine David comprehending him by also seeing subtitles across his chest, like a diegetic chyron.

David in fact looks stricken, to the point that he causes Farouk to breath “Look at you, such a sad face. Why you got such a sad face?” Because he feels used, Farouk reads. And angry. But more at Farouk, or himself? Ugh, shut up abuser.

David stares at the man who has been tormenting him all his life, and suddenly wants nothing more than to fight him. They materialize in…..A WRASSLIN’ RING.

Farouk: *thrilled*

He calls it “Le sport” and “Very physical” and “Homoerotic” and David is just like [screams internally], only that’s where they are, so it’s “Shut uupp!” Reminded that they’re telepaths and the sky’s the limit, and not even then, they escalate their showdown to sword fighting then tanks then dust storms, until finally Farouk literally snaps David out of it.

But David has gotten the point: that he’s arguing for no more violence with….violence. Only You Can Break The Cycle Of Toxic Masculinity™

So David gets more reasonable about it, remembers what he has to bargain with. He vows that he won’t help him find his body at all, unless Farouk promises not to kill anyone else. Annoyed, the Shadow King agrees.

David feels he has regained his footing. Stands up and walks a few paces away about it. “Alright,” he says, marshaling some of his brio, “I’ll find your monk. If he’s even at Division 3. Wait for my signal.” Then he blips out with a little mwwip sound and I laugh every time. Mwwip Drop.

Farouk gets up and strolls away from the fortune teller booth, turning back to put his thumb to the screen and wipe it out.

I am !!!!!! Visuals.

And behind him, sitting up out of the grass, LENNY. Real deal Lenny, we know now!! Farouk must have nabbed her after she died, brought her into astral space to be his conduit to David. But she’s thinking now maybe she could…bounce? “Now that you’re uh, out of the closet, you and the kid, talking again, face to face,” which is a line I just feel we should quote in full.

Also: “And I’m not complaining, I’m not, it’s been a, shit blast, really.” Aubrey Plaza you’re a marvel.

But Farouk does not respond, just continues to smile gently in the opposite direction, backed by the sun, as Lenny grows to realize he has no interest in letting her go. Her hopes rise again when he unzips the Wyeth field into a blank white room and asks what she would do with a new life in a new body, but with each of his low “And then what?”s she realizes she would just die again, and die in a way that is more…permanent. Fade to black. Metaphorically and also right now in the show.

Back in the lab, Kerry is feeling even worse. Lights and sounds flare in her ears. She begs Cary to think of something, some way for him to get out. Since we only hear her side of the conversation, there’s one of those great things where she responds very negatively to an idea, and has to get cajoled into it, and I’m just bouncing gently over here like what’s it gonna be!! And it’s singing together, this little old fashioned tra-lala-la song that they used to watch on TV when they were both little. Cary sings along, until they come into some sort of figurative and literal harmony (re-tuned!!) and Cary can rise back into the open air.

They still don’t know or understand what Farouk might have done to them to keep them from conjoining properly, but Cary’s going to try to fix it.

“I don’t wanna be out here the whole time,” Kerry pleads. “Living life, the boring stuff, that was not our choice.”

“We never had a choice,” Cary reminds her, and oh wow. This whole moment has this very heartfelt Oh Wow quality.

And oh wow, Rogue locks!

Over in Melanie’s rooms, an odd weighty little conversation is unfolding between her and David. Melanie Bird seems to have taken on the role of Cautionary Tale, instating herself in her living room and waylaying the kids as they wend by, sitting them down and telling them a piece of wisdom she’s learning from living her life the wrong way. To David, she talks about how she just followed along with Oliver’s dream, not developing one of her own, and now she’s grown old and it’s too late for her to live her own life. She got caught up in all the mutant drama, it seems, and it kept her from truly living. David stares at himself in the mirror, hearing Farouk telling him he could be bigger than Jesus, but is caught by the next thing Melanie tells him: that her advice to him is to get the hell out of here. “Take Syd, and go find a nice quiet hilltop somewhere.”

Startled, David starts to protest that they can’t just leave everything that’s happening here, but Melanie, amazingly, just assures him that the world will be fine—“It always is.” This would be a profoundly anti superhero story direction, and as we are in a superhero story there is no way we will be taking it, but it’s cool getting to hear it? Melanie has really gone meta-genre to her own show hasn’t she, a lot of COMMENTS coming from her! I don’t hate it.

David scampers off to go find Syd, finally tracking her up to the roof.

Where she is currently crouched on a ventilation shaft over a dead bird.

Pardon?

“Over here,” her voice calls, and David spins around, flocked by all those big green hands pointing in a dozen different directions, that’s fucking hilarious, did you guys put those there just for this visual joke pay-off down the line? My heroes.

David at last spies her cat.

“Neat huh,” Syd preens, and rolling with it, David just agrees with this baffled but supportive “Yeah, sure. Okay!” and starts carefully petting her little cat head.

The Only Good Mutant Boyfriend

Feline Syd asks what’s up, and David, who’s been having a time and a half, just starts SPILLING ALL HIS FEELINGS. I love how clear it is that he has picked up habits from therapy—last season’s reflexive “I am pretty, I am loved” affirmation, and here with his “It’s just, I’m questioning myself?”

And at last, he drops all his shambling pretense and tells her what really happened in the Orb, and how VERY lost in the woods he has been since he landed between his loyalties to two versions of the woman he loves.

“I mean, technically, telling you your own secret, probably is fine, I think—“

hONEY, hahahahah

Now, I definitely do not remember Future Syd making David promise not to tell anyone about her and her message, as he relates here, and suspect they actually didn’t want me to get that at first, in order to keep us suspicious of David too or whatever. But once they were done trying to have their cake and eat it too, this IS in fact a good explanation for why our rambling, transparent David wouldn’t have just blurted this all out to Syd immediately. And like, this whole sequence now is HILARIOUSLY David, and I’ll take it, it’s fine, thank you for solving your prob within half an hour of me telling you to, we’re good now Legion.

Syd, however, is not good. She is perplexed. She ponders. The music box---“I didn’t like that. Seeing it again. He did that to me,” she explains. But David says that it’s not that Future Her said she liked Farouk, she just said to help him.

Syd thinks some more. Thinks, yeah alright. She trusts herself, so.

Well looks like it’s time for our babes to go find themselves a MONK! Pro Tip he’s with the Chatterers.

Alright, Check In. As we stand at the end of the second episode, this threat of the Delusion that is hanging over the season…could it be so simple as: that wasn’t Future Syd? David’s just seeing a trick of Farouk’s?

Wait hold on hold on hold on. Ha hah no, oh I know what it could BE. The false idea that was allowed to grow unchecked by reality, because his reality is reeeaally not going to check this (because it was never mutually exclusive), what if what if the Delusion is: everyone’s collective belief that David Haller isn’t schizophrenic. 

David: “Do you know the most dangerous thing about schizophrenia?” Syd: “You’re not—” David: “The most dangerous thing, is believing…you don’t have it.”

Season 1, ‘Chapter 8′

What if that. 

***

Wellntruly’s Way Long Legion Recaps Season 2: Chapter 9 // Season 1

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