#the reviews are so fucking funny with how specific they get

[alsoyooraiyah]

fanmerch is nuts, just found a perfumer on shopee that has genshin-inspired scents and so many reviews say they make sense for the characters?? is this it is the the beginning of my perfume era

#the reviews are so fucking funny with how specific they get #'smells like hugging your boyfriend after a day out' on alhaith*ms #'first spray punches you HARD but then it mellows down to something sweet that makes ur heart flutter' on wrios #'smells like a rich father' on d*lucshasjkdhsjfkhdsf HELP #'BRO SMELLS SO HANDSOME AND FRUITY 🍇🍇🍊🍒🍓🍓' on k*vehs ohhh my god #'starts off smelling like the laidback boy next door but turns to smelling like a fuckboi full of red flags over time' on ch*ldes 💀💀💀 #i cant with these but my god im SOOO SO so curious... am i really going to buy a few samples... #each and every one has so many people saying they can see the character smelling like it... #to this day i still wish i managed to get the satan one when om cam out with perfumes >.> i actually liked how his was described...

[permanentreverie]

.

#ok so mini rant session #i am doing a bit better today - little less distraught over getting fired from a job i thought i was doing pretty good at and i was trying #really hard and genuinely enjoying #and just more baffled because truly i had no warning and i was completely blindsided #i was in the middle of a 3 month trial and i would have a review at the end in which i would be offered a permanent position if it went well #and i thought i was making my way towards that! granted i was still making mistakes but genuinely not of such a great scale i thought it #called for my immediate dismissal #that being said i was still VERY MUCH IN TRAINING. i had only been there A MONTH AND A HALF learning COMPLETELY NEW SYSTEMS #and i was told that i had been there a few weeks already and that i wasn’t catching on quick enough. that there were some areas i was #understanding and others i just simply wasn’t #and i asked what areas specifically so that i could learn more and try harder #and they didn’t give me a specific answer. #ok and so. so. i have this insecurity. #that at first impression people will like me. that they may think i’m pretty or kind or funny or whatever #but then they spend time with me or get to know me and realize that that’s all bullshit. #that i’m actually not pretty and im mean and loud and selfish and lazy and rude and etc etc etc #MASSIVE fucking insecurity in that like that’s why i genuinely don’t have friends or a significant other #and that genuinely i’m just a Bad Person #and when i was fired? i was told ‘a persons true colours show after a few weeks’ #so that’s MAJORLY fucking me up. #when i was hired i was boasted to about my boss’s hiring process and how she’s ’only been fooled twice’ #and the morning before i was fired in a meeting my supervisor told everyone that i was doing quite well. #so yeah i truly had no fucking warning. at fucking all. #hurt and confused and angry and baffled and did i mention hurt #anyways if you’re still here i’m sorry i know this is not a good look for me

[mrsrdlw]

“Will you forgive me, please?”

Warnings: angst; eddie and reader are in a one year relationship; reader almost burst from stress; verbal fight; happy ending (the only right way, cuz i can’t stand when it ends sadly:)), no use of y/n (she is referred as sweetie/sweetheart), let me know if i’m missing something something

wc: 1.9k

summary: Reader is going crazy with how much is going on on her life. Studying for the final exams, work with terrible people. But on a weekend, when Eddie comes without warning you, you both fought for the first time in your relationship.

Being Eddie's girlfriend was the best part of your life. You loved him and the way he treated you. You've been together for a year now and, between this time, you got to know all sides of him. Goofy, funny, kind, sexy. But you've never seen him get mad. Pissed? Of course! All the time, he would be complaining about things or cursing other people who were assholes with him. But he was never mad, at least not with you.

But there was one specific time when you were having a terrible week. With the final exams, not to mention you mentoring other students, you were one step away from losing it. And there was your boss giving you the same speech all week because one of your co-workers snitched you for kissing your boyfriend at work. It was just a smooch!

"This girl's a bitch. Probably never touched a dick in her life!" That's what Eddie said to you.

But, by the end of the week, you were on edge. And being busy all the time, you never got the chance to spend a single minute with your boyfriend. But he would have to wait, the finals were more important now. Eddie didn't seem to agree. He showed up at your door with movies in his hands.

"Hey sweetie, i'm sorry i'm a little late. Had to kick some ass to get out of Family Video" You just hummed, trying to understand what was wrong with your calculus. "I'm great, thanks for asking!"

On his way he, unfortunately, met Jason at the same place. He didn't actually fought him, just some heated exchange of words. It got him a little pissed, but he was going to spend the night with you, so he pretended that he was fine. He was hoping that you would make him feel better.

"Eddie you can put the movie, i don't mind, but i'll not pay attention. I really need to review this"

"Yeah sweetheart, whatever you say" Of course. He was not listening, looking for some candies in your cabinet.

He sat by your side and kept talking to you. You were trying so hard not to cut him off, you really missed him, but you couldn't allow yourself that privilege of five minutes making out with him. So by the end of the first movie he brought, he started to say some curious facts about it but you let out a groan. "Fuck. Why physics were so hard?” You thought to yourself.

"Alright, stop. What the fuck? I've be trying to talk to you for the whole week, but you were too busy. Now that is your time to relax you're going to keep studying?" He said with a serious tone. At first you were quiet, waiting for him to calm down so you would not fight. But he said, louder this time "Say something, damn it!"

"What do you want me to say Eddie? I need to-" you were cut out

"Please, don't you think you studied enough? The whole week, is all you've been doing. You’re gonna burst into flames from thinking too much."He was now facing you, your book long forgotten as the both of you started to lose it.

"Well, for some of us, the constancy is required! I am not doing very good in this subject. I'm just trying to do my best and you should be doing the same." He shifted his body and giggled in a sarcastic way.

"Oh yes, let's remember that i was held back. So original. That's very dirty bellow the belt of you sweetheart." His facial expression was full of disappointment and anger.

"Can you not contort my words? I said as you should be doing your best too so you don't get held back again!" You regretted the time you said it. It was dirty of you and his eyes were not looking into yours anymore. "I know i was not very present this week, but can't you just wait 'till the goddamn exams to end. I don't know what happened for you be so rude but you shouldn't be taking it out on me!"

He was not looking at you, fidgeting with his rings, thinking of the right thing to say so you could stop fighting.

"All i wanted was to spend time with you, what the fuck is wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong, is just that i told you that i needed to get good at this."

"That's the fucking point, there's nothing to get better at, you've been working on it for so long, there is nothing new to see! Fuck, you’re not even answering when i talked to you."

"Stop being fucking dramatic Eddie! Do you think i like this, the way that i'm on the edge right now? Fighting with my boyfriend and friends, not having a fucking second to breathe because it feels like everything i do is wrong?"

"And i am the one dramatic. Let me give you a heads up. It's not the end of the fucking world if you fail a test. Besides, you couldn't do it even if you tried. You had to have sucked in the other tests to be held back, like me."

"Oh my god! Why don't you grow up a little and see how this is important to me? Look, we both are angry for some reason and are not in conditions to talk. I think is the best for the both of you for you to leave. So we don't hurt ourselves anymore."

"You always have to be so good and solve every damn problem, right? Only so in the end i can be the bad guy. Honestly, why are you the one to say what we should or shouldn't do?"

"Because it's my fucking house and i want you to leave!"

At this point, after wrestling and yelling at each other, you were with tears in your eyes panting without knowing what to do. Eddie gulped, stepped back and, not saying a word, he left.

The tears were rolling down your cheeks. Now there was no way you would focus on physics. You regretted so much. All the words said in the heat of the moment. You didn't mean any of them. And he probably didn't. You both said things to hurt each other in order to be right. Eddie was definitely upset about something, not just the lack of your attention. But now was not the time to find out.

——————

After a week, you finish every school exam and were finally free from school. And back in work, your co-worker was fired. She was caught fucking a random guy that you didn’t know on the boss’s office . “Guess Eddie was wrong” you thought giggling but getting upset the second after. You both have been avoiding each other. Eddie didn’t want to bother you and you didn’t want to hurt him. But it was time. You were tired of tearing up every time you remembered your fight.

So, at the end of your shift, you drove to the trailer park. It was the first time you fought and you hated. The feeling was that, at any second, you would lose him.

Knocking at his door, you stood there, waiting for him.

“Coming.” You heard his muffled voice. When he opened the door, he had an annoyed expression that shifted to a concerned one once he saw it was you. He was shirtless, wet hair and sweatpants that hung low on his hips. You didn’t know if it was because of the long week not seeing him, but he looked incredibly handsome. “Hey” It was the only thing he could say, surprised by your appearance.

“Hi… Can we talk.” You said hesitant, not knowing where to start.

“Sure. Please” He opened the door wider letting you in. Guiding you on the couch, where you both sat in awkward silence. It didn’t even look like you two were together for a long time. “I assume you’re here to talk about last weekend.” You nodded trying your best not to cry already which was really hard because of the way he looked at you.

“Look Eddie, i don’t even know where to start. We both lost our senses and said terrible things we shouldn’t. I honestly feel like-“ A feeling you grew accustomed in the past week grew in your throat. You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I felt like i was losing my mind and that everything i was doing was wrong. You were right. I was taking too much at once and i couldn’t take it.”

“No no no. Sweetheart, i was the wrong one. I was worried about you and my own shit and i put that on your shoulders.” He said whipping your cheeks. “And as i usually do, to run away from my problems, i pretended that none of that was happening and didn’t realize how important studying was for you. I am truly sorry for that and for the fight.”

You hugged him tightly. His hands surrounded your waist and his nose nestled on your neck, sniffing your sent. He’d missed you deeply. “I’m sorry too” you said softly and moving away just enough to see his face. “I just want you to know that i don’t meant shit from what i’ve said. That was awful of me. I felt awful. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course i forgive you, sweetie. I was supposed to be the one apologizing. I also didn’t mean any of that crap. You forgive me too?” He said giving you a smirk that made you giggle.

“Yes. But only if you tell me why you were so worked up that night.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. My week was not great either. You know how much i hate finals. Before going to yours, i stopped at Family Video and i met with Jason Carver. And well, you know the story, he calls me a freak and i pretend that he hurt my feelings. But that night, he started to talk shit about us, like you were way out of my league. And until then i was like, tell me something i don’t know. But then the son of a bitch called you a whore and that you probably sold yourself for one fuck in exchange for a review of any subject. And i was like “what the fuck dude?”. I just lost my mind. Thank the metal gods that Steve stopped me from beating his face.”

“Oh my god! You could have told me” You don’t even know why you said that. You literally fought because you were too into your studies.

“It’s alright. He normally doesn’t piss me off. But I just can’t accept him talking shit about you. As if he knew you enough to call you a whore.”

The good thing is that you got back to normal and cuddled for the rest of the day. Eddie wanted to stay close to you as much as he could, so he asked begged for you to stay over. So here you were, before going to sleep telling how much you loved each other.

“Good night baby” Even in the dark room, you could see his beautiful eyes looking at you with so much love

“Good night Eds” Closing your eyes ready to sleep, felling your man’s hand caressing you, you were sure that you were in heaven. Out of the sudden you remembered.

“Eds!” You turned fast to him scaring him a little “You won’t believe what happened.”

“What?” Poor man, he was half asleep. You giggled at his confused face.

“Apparently, that girl from work did a lot more than touching dick…”

“I told you she was a bitch. A man knows”

“Shut up”

*if you have any ideas/request/sugestions; please sent it to me, my inbox is open. :)

#eddie munson #eddie munson fic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie x reader #eddie x you #angst with a happy ending #light angst #angst

[theorphicangel]

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐨 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬. | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Tags: enemies to lovers, college au, smut, 18+, slow burn,

Synopsis: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single, brooding man in possession of a good future in genetics, must be in want of a girlfriend.

Or at least a fake one to get his family off his back.

(college au & fake dating trope ft my favourite grumpy man who doesn't fall first but ends up falling harder. ouch.)

Taglist: @oharasfilipinawife @palesatan @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @amelialysm @crimin4llyins4ne @strawberryjuice9 @beezusvreeland @faretheeoscar

series | previous chapter | next chapter

chapter 3: war and anything but peace

“Are you still upset by that review?” Lyla prompts, chewing her morning toast loudly in front of you.

You groan aloud in response to her comment, auditory proof that if it wasn’t obvious enough by your body language and mood for the past forty eight hours, yes, you were still pissed.

That bastard almost cost you your job. Your very first job in fact since you had made it to college and he had almost made you lose it.

“I swear if I see him around on campus today, there’s no promise that I’ll stop myself from drop-kicking him.” you warn in a low tone as you peer into the fridge searching for something to eat.

Your shoulders drop in disappointment as the bare white corners of the refrigerators grimly greet you and your hungry stomach, guess you’ll just have to go grocery shopping later.

But for now you think that you can settle on an omelette to satisfy your needs. You take what you need and head over to the counter to prepare your breakfast.

The meeting on customer etiquette wasn’t too bad. Steve was…nice about it in a slightly condescending way. You just wished that you were given a chance to explain yourself from your own perspective, to try and prove that you weren’t actually trying to be rude.

Although, an upside of the meeting was that you’re now being taught on how to use the machines properly in the cafe.

“He almost cost me my job, Ly’.“ you note to your roommate, cracking two eggs into a bowl before whisking.

“Ah see, key word: almost.” She points out gleefully. “From an optimistic point of view, you still have your job right?”

You huff as you whisk, muttering. “Barely.” Your motions fastened quickly, gripping the whisk tightly. The thought of him proudly posting that comment makes you want to rage and you do so, letting your anger out on the current task of whisking eggs.

You groan aloud again, pouring the beaten eggs into the pan. “I just still can’t believe he did that to me. He barely fucking knows me.”

“Mhmm, like you’ve been saying for the past two days.”

“He’s publicly humiliated me, and now the whole campus knows that I’m the shitty barista at the cafe.”

“Not everyone–” Lyla quips up, a light smile drawn over her lips. “No one reads google reviews, if he really wanted to hurt you he’d go on yelp.” she snorts.

“Lyla, that’s not funny.” you deadpan, turning to face her.

She raises her hands, seated at the table. “Okay, okay, it’s not like I’ll give him any ideas, I haven't even met the guy myself.”

“It’s hard to miss him.” you mutter under your breath, specifically referring to his height.

“What was that?” Lyla posed, not hearing your response.

“Nothing, nothing, m’sorry I just…it was really embarrassing having to be talked down to by my manager about not doing my job properly, like it was so condescending. If I mess up one more time, then I thinkI’m gone for good Ly’. Even MJ was surprised to hear me come back.”

“Maybe you should get revenge.” Lyla notes, finishing up the last of her toast.

“What? Like murder him?”

“Woah, woah, hey there missy I wasn’t thinking about going that–“

“I was joking Lyla.”

A silence creeps in between the two of you, the sound of the eggs frying and Lyla’s crunch of toast being the only sounds in the room. As the scent of the omelette rose in the kitchen, you let yourself get carried away by your thoughts. Only a little bit. You know you said that you wouldn’t think about it anymore but you just can’t stop thinking about wrapping your hand around his large, veiny…

“I think you’re burning your omelet.” Lyla interrupts suddenly and as a result forces you to unconsciously squeak out your ongoing thoughts.

“Neck!” you say aloud.

“What?”

“What?” you repeat after her, dazed and confused.

“I said I think you’re burning your breakfast, babe.”

“Oh shit—”

/

Following your public mishap, you’ve returned to work. Eager to start over on a new leaf. MJ shows you all the basic tricks and shortcuts needed for the job which you note step by step in your head.

It goes smoothly, once you clock in. You make sure to smile at every customer, greet them with a cheerful tone, and try hard to put in all of your efforts to make up for what happened last week. So far it looks like no one really knows about the bad review online and you loosen up at the thought.

Lyla was right, you think. You had absolutely nothing to worry about.

MJ agrees too, praising you a few hours into your shift. “You’ve seemed to handle it well. Most people would have crumbled for good after having a talk with Steve.” You nod eagerly at her words, your eyes brightening up slightly.

“Have you thought about what you’ll do if he comes in again?” She asks, referencing back to your crude insult directed at him.

Sure, you had thought about a way to get revenge. In fact you had compiled a list of ways to get him to delete the review, that’s the only way that you’ll truly be able to move on from the situation.

Hesitating, you think about your answer before you speak, choosing from the list of possible methods to convince him.

“I’ll kill him with kindness.” you say, smiling before you hand the next customer a drink.

MJ hums. “And if that doesn’t work?”

“Then I’ll make him regret it.”

That’s all you get the chance to say before the devil himself walks into the cafe. MJ gives you a nudge, signaling you to get back to the till and take his order. This is the first time you’ve seen him since you’ve found out about the review.

Pulling on a fake smile and exaggerating your cheerful tone, you greet the tall and brooding customer in front of you.

“Good morning, what would you like today?” you greet, an eager smile on your face.

Miguel cocks up a brow, peering down at you. You don’t seem bothered in the slightest. He wonders if you’ve even read the comment yet.

“Coffee, milk, no sugar.” His face remains deadpan. You hum lightly, tapping his order into the till. You watch him pay, swiping his card without a second glance.

“I’ll bring it right over for you.”

MJ prepares his order for him whilst you get through the rest of the queue.

Just like before, you walk over to his table, isolated from the rest of the people in the cafe. You figure that he’s a loner in general and judging by his behavior, it’s not hard to see why.

“The nerve that you have.” you murmur, practically placing down his coffee with aggression. So much so that the hot liquid overspills on the table.

“Excuse me?” He frowns, his brows furrowed deeply, creating a crease.

Awh. He’s playing innocent.

“Your review. I saw it.”

He takes a moment before speaking again, his frown now switching back to a sort of smug face.“I was wondering if you saw that.” He mumbles. “What’d you think about it?”

That smile. That goddamn smile. You think you picked up his eyes lighting up just as the pure mention of the review. What a sadistic man.

You hold back a smirk as his eyes meet yours. They’re playful, teasing. He barely knows who you are yet plays into the temptation of learning how to push your buttons.

You batter your eyelashes on purpose, remembering to stick to your method of kindness.

“Anything else I can get for you, Miguel?”

His name slips easily from your mouth in a sultry tone. You weren’t really expecting that to come out of you and judging by the way that Miguel’s eyes widened slightly, you think that he wasn’t expecting it either. He sort of likes the way you make his name sound like that.

“Nope I’m good for now, nena. Pretty good service today, maybe last week was a fluke.”

“Maybe it was.” you say and suddenly your hopes are raised. Here’s your chance.

“Perhaps my service is good enough to take down the review now?” you propose, a smile printed across your face falsely. You take out a tissue from the metal box on his table and lean down to wipe away the split remnants of his coffee.

Your face is so close to his, you can practically feel his eyes bore into your skull as you wipe his table clean.

Miguel is so focused on you that he doesn’t even notice the words slipping from his lips. “I’ll think about it.”

“Really?” You glance up, now eye-level with him as you’re half bent over the table. Miguel leans closer to you, his face just a few centimeters away from yours. Your stomach fills with anxiety and apprehension but you’re not really sure why. His eyes never leave yours and you’re fighting every single muscle in your body to keep your own latched onto his own brown and intimidating eyes.

Miguel hums lowly, his voice low and rough as he whispers. “But you’re gonna have to try better than that if you want the review taken down, nena. I can practically smell the desperation from you. It’s…sad.”

Right there and then you swore that you have never wanted to kick a guy in the balls. His cocky attitude, the way that he looks down at you when he stands from his table,

You take a deep breath, shutting your eyes. You stand up fully, crumpling the paper tissue in your hand. “Fine. Keep your stupid review.”

“What?”

“Keep it up. You’ll regret it.”

Miguel snorts, clearly judging you. “Should I be scared?”

“I dunno’…should you?” you say, tilting your head. This time you’re not afraid to keep eye contact with him. He doesn't scare you and you shouldn't let him know how intimidated you are by him.

The two of you observe each other for a few seconds, waiting to see who’ll back down first. Your fists are clenched by your sides, your body and mind screaming at you to look away.

And unfortunately, you give in to your natural instincts.

Miguel opens his mouth to say something to you, probably something to tease you even more until his phone buzzes in his pocket. He immediately pulls it out and reads an incoming message that’s popped up on his home screen.

That frown that you once saw at the beginning of the conversation had now returned. This time his expression seemed a little more…unsettled.

“I gotta go.” He says abruptly, before downing his latte. Your eyes can't help but notice the way that his Adam apple moves as he drinks the beverage, causing the uneasy tension to return back to your stomach… again.

“You should get back to work.” He mutters, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Don’t keep the queue waiting because then you’ll actually start living up to the review y’know?”

You’re quick to open your mouth to voice back a quick-witted reply when MJ calls out your name. You turn back to see her glancing over at you from the coffee machines.

“Hey! A little help here?”

Your shoulders sag at the thought of leaving your task unaccomplished. Shuffling away from his table, you move back to your station, entirely missing the way that Miguel turns back to look at you before he leaves.

Looks like he wins this one.

For now.

You - Nil

Miguel - 1

lmk if you would like to be tagged! tysm for reading <3

#angel writes #under no circumstances fic #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara atsv #atsv x reader #spiderman atsv #atsv headcanons #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara

[leonslutkennedeeznuts]

The Wedding Date | Leon x Fem!Reader

"From the first meeting to rehearsal dinner everyone had fallen in love with him. Including you." | One-shot inspired by The Wedding Date (2005): Leon's an escort. You hire him and fall in love. (AO3)

It was an expensive, totally stupid impulsive thing to do- book a male escort as your wedding date to stick it to your ex (and nagging mother) that you weren’t a lonely, miserable spinster. You weren’t ugly or anything, just lazy with a specific plan- to rub it in your ex fiance’s face that you were 100% over him and moving on by “dating” someone way more attractive and totally smitten with you.

His name was Scott, or so he said as per his website details. He was 6 '0, clearly worked out, had dirty blonde hair in a boyband haircut and per his many reviews was a skilled lover- but that part was totally irrelevant to you. It had taken a few days to finally bite the bullet. Your career was stable, you had the money- it just made sense to go this route versus swiping on Tinder. You’d never done this before but were admittedly desperate. You needed a professional, someone that nobody in your friend group knew who could lie his way in and out of any conversations and questions they’d be sure to ask him.

He just had to look good, pretend to be in love with you, get paid and then fuck off never to be seen again when the wedding was over.

—

You’d met up with him at a bougie brunch spot on a Sunday afternoon, having chugged one mimosa with a shot of vodka before he even showed up to ease your nerves.

“This is the weirdest outcall I’ve ever been to,” he’d joked after introducing himself to you, his hands so soft and his cologne making you wet. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

Scott was funny, naturally charismatic and beautiful to look at. He clearly took care of himself and didn’t seem phased by your plan at all once revealed to him.

“Alright, we need to go over the questions they’ll ask you, about us, your life, yadda yadda,” you’d instructed him. You tried your best to be assertive and not give into the butterflies flying wildly inside your stomach. “This has to be very convincing.”

You had tried to rehearse his answers with him but Scott refused while gazing at you intently. You’d definitely need new panties after this but he didn’t need to know that.

Scott had said he’d prefer to see how everything worked out before accepting payment. This plot of yours amused him greatly, he had said as much several times. Nobody had ever hired him to be arm candy until you. He planned to enjoy every second of this.

“They’ll know I’m lying, sweetheart. It’s better to just wing it. Trust me, Y/N, I won’t let you down.”

And Scott didn’t let you down. He’d passed the “test” with flying colors. From the first meeting to rehearsal dinner everyone had fallen in love with him. Including you.

—

It was late one night after having to help with decorating the church and you just wanted to relax. One bottle of wine later and you were getting a little bold and very nosy about Scott’s personal life as he gave you an exquisite foot rub.

“I didn’t make it into the police academy. I was 21 years old in a new city with nowhere to go so I started stripping. Then stripping became this.”

You gave him a reassuring smile, your hand patting his shoulder while the other held a glass of sweet burgundy wine. Scott had chosen whiskey for himself. Wine gave him bad hangovers, he’d admitted. 

“I thought about being a stripper once,” you revealed. “I almost auditioned actually but my dancing is terrible without heels so with them on I’m sure I’d break my ankles.”

Scott laughed, as if he’d imagined you in a pair of clear heels attempting to dance around a pole and failing miserably. Making him laugh made you feel warm all over.

Conversations with him came naturally, he felt like an old friend. It was none of your business, truly but he’d answered you unashamedly. A part of you wished you’d met him under different circumstances for a chance at something real.

“Why aren’t you married yet, Y/N?” 

You definitely weren’t expecting him to ask that. Your previous relationship was still a sore subject- he’d been your highschool sweetheart and first love. With a job promotion and more money, your ex had wanted to date around and see what else was out there a few months after proposing.

“One day he just decided that he didn’t want me anymore,” came your solemn answer.

You took a big gulp of wine to keep from crying. This was the guy that you thought you’d be planning your wedding with at this age. Instead you hired a male escort that you developed feelings for. C’est la vie!

“What a fucking idiot, seriously. You’re beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. A total catch,” Scott asserted. “Dude is a loser for letting you go.”

That remark made you smile, bringing a feeling of peace that washed over you from within at his words. You really enjoyed being around Scott. He was damn good at what he did: making women feel desired. Even though this was his job, it just felt natural to lean in and kiss him so you did. To your surprise Scott kissed you back quite fiercely, the taste of whiskey on his tongue almost like a poison bringing you deeper under his spell.

“Let me take care of you tonight,” he’d offered.

Scott was indeed a skilled lover. 

He lifted you up effortlessly, laying you on the bed before teasing with kisses up and down your body. You were so wet it hurt and ached. Your clothes quickly became a crumpled up heap on the floor while he stayed fully clothed sans a shirt.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby.”

He never stopped touching or tasting you that night, making sure that you came hard on his face and with his fingers, refusing to let you return the favor. You rode his tongue to completion, let him flip you onto your back and bucked into his mouth almost crying at how good he made you feel.

“You taste so good, Y/N.”

Your ex had been selfish in bed, all about receiving and barely giving. You thought you’d had an orgasm before but now you knew better. Scott made you cum almost violently, begging, writhing and almost screaming every time he sucked your clit or filled you up with two or three fingers.

“Can eat you out all fucking night.”

You had to push his head away before he finally stopped, looking so pleased with his work as you watched him through heavily lidded eyes. He kissed you one last time, the taste of yourself on his tongue giving a sense of pride. This gorgeous man had dined on you like he’d never get enough, licking and eating your cum like it was a delicacy. You wanted to taste him too, to look into his eyes as he slid into you and fucked you so deep and hard that your headboard banged against the wall.

But instead, he cuddled you until sleep finally took over. 

—

Scott wasn’t there when you awoke the next morning.

You awoke in a panic, your head pounding as the events of last night started to replay in your head. Wine. Scott. Orgasms. Your thighs were sore.

“Shit,” you exclaimed. The wedding. Your wedding date. Scott. Was he going to show up now? Would it be too awkward? Was it all just a wine induced episode of lucid dreaming?

You hurriedly got out of bed and took a shower. The envelope with his payment was still in your dresser. Did he even know it was there? You tried to focus on everything but Scott on your drive to the venue, going through the motions of getting dressed and sitting still for makeup.

When it was time to walk down the aisle with your ex-fiance as part of the wedding processional, your eyes glanced around nervously looking for any signs of a GQ model with dirty blond hair sitting in the pews as you tried not to fumble with your bouquet too much.

This was the church you had always wanted to be married in. You had thought that your ex fiance was the one but now you knew otherwise. Walking down the aisle with him, even in this context, made you feel uneasy like you were cheating. You almost didn't see Scott giving you a thumbs up and blowing you a kiss when you finally stood with the other bridesmaids. It was embarrassing how your mood instantly lifted.

Everything was going to be okay. You'd convinced everyone that this was so real, you'd even convinced yourself. Once the wedding was over Scott would go back to his life and so would you. It was a painful thought.

It wasn’t until the wedding reception that you spotted him again. He was standing off to himself while most of the single ladies and a few men crowded the dance floor for the bouquet toss. His tuxedo fit perfectly and now that you knew how he looked shirtless, a part of you wanted to rip it right off.

You caught the bouquet purely by accident, not even paying attention until a blur of pink roses came into your peripheral. Scott’s eyes never left yours as he walked towards you, cool as a cucumber like on the day you met.

He leaned in to kiss you so intensely that your knees buckled. You heard your mom cheering the loudest. Your ex stormed off in a huff, clearly regretting his choice to let you go- convinced that this man kissing you was your new forever and not a paid actor. Scott had done his job perfectly, too perfectly. You tried not to look so crestfallen when the kiss ended.

—

The walk back to your car seemed to take forever, so much you wanted to say, so much was going unsaid but didn’t want to come across as that one creepy client who took things too far.

“Definitely a 5 star experience,” you stated honestly yet awkwardly avoiding his gaze, wanting to make light of it all. “I really can’t thank you enough Sco-”

“Leon,” he cut you off. “My real name is Leon.”

The tension in the air was thick. Was his name really Leon or was this another part of the act? Your mother was now convinced that Scott, well, Leon would propose someday. How were you going to explain that everything was all a lie?

Should you address the kiss, the amazing oral sex and show vulnerability? Or hand over the cash and move on? You just wanted a nice clean break, no more emotions to overly complicate things. He did his job, nothing more nothing less. It would hurt more to be rejected than to wonder what if.

“I can’t thank you enough, Leon.” You looked a little too long at his lips, wanting and wishing you had the courage to just lean in and close the gap between you two again and again.

Instead, you handed him the bouquet of flowers so you could reach into your clutch for his payment.

“You can count it now if you’d like. It’s all there, I promise.”

Leon tensed. His face which usually sported a knowing smirk or stoic expression now looked confused, almost disgusted. He didn’t reach out to take the envelope.

“Leon, you did exactly what I asked you for. Of course I’m paying you plus tip,” you said trying to sound calm yet internally freaking out. “Thank you for this.”

Thank you for eating me out so well that no other man will ever compare, you thought.

You were ready to drive home and cry into your pillows about what a mess you’d made- falling in love with your hired boyfriend who probably always had clients obsessed with him and unable to distinguish reality from fantasy.

“I don’t want your money, Y/N. I want you.” Leon took your envelope with his free hand and placed it back into your clutch. “God, that was cornier than it sounded in my head.”

Your mouth opened but nothing came out.

Confusion painted your face. Realization hit you afterwards but before you could think of what to say in response, his lips were on yours. The bouquet was forgotten on the ground as you let Leon take you into his arms, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.

“Y/N, this has been real for me no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I love you.”

You felt like you were floating, the world beyond Leon in this moment failing to exist. 

"I love you, too. So much," you proclaimed proudly.

Leon slowly pulled away from you, his eyes taking you in. “I don’t do this, I don’t date or get too close but you, you’ve awakened something inside of me that I can’t live without.”

His hands gripped your ass and you felt the promise of more, thick hard and straining against his slacks. “And you have the sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted,” he quipped.

With a laugh you gave his bulge a light squeeze, ready to finally consummate your relationship with the gorgeous man standing before you.

---

With each deep, slow, tortutous thrust you were crying out his name, his real name, over and over. Pathetically begging and pleading for Leon to fuck you harder. You'd never felt like this before, your body on fire with lust and greedy for more, more, more.

"Look at you, taking me so well like this," he whispered into your ear as you tightened and throbbed around his length. "Love you so much, so fucking much."

You were sucking him in to the hilt, nails digging into his back and biceps as you took every inch coating it in your slick.

"Fuck, Leon, love you too," you grunted out almost painfully. "Gonna cum, oh!"

Leon loosened the grip on your throat, kissing you lazily as you cried out his name cumming hard around him while he never stopped pounding into your tight, hungry cunt.

"There you go, baby, cum all over me." He ground his pelvis into you wanting to feel all your cum gushing out against him. "Wanna cum inside you, fuck!"

It was almost a whisper but you'd heard it and God, you wanted him to. Wanted him to fill you up so deeply that you'd feel it slipping out throughout the day.

"Yes, please cum inside, need it, Leon."

He looked into your glazed over eyes smirking at your blissful face knowing only he could make you feel this good, only he had taken the time to learn your body and make you cum with your whole body shaking and jerking against his.

With a few more hard, short thrusts Leon's hot cum started to fill you up. You instinctly wrapped your legs around his waist pushing him in even deeper, his balls throbbing against you as he emptied himself into your eager pussy.

"Mmm, are you ready for round three," he inquired against your sweated out hair.

He took you from behind, from the side, with you on top and even picked you up and fucked you hard and fast in his arms as you cried out your release.

The man's stamina was unmatched. You were a sweaty tangled mess of limbs not knowing where his body began and your body ended when he was finally done with you.

---

You quickly settled into domestic life quite easily. Leon moved in with you while mulling over his career options now that being a boyfriend for hire was over.

Leon had made you dinner to celebrate your recent promotion, your favorite meal of filet mignon and lobster tail. He'd mentioned in passing that he was letting the website domain expire soon to pursue his other dream: being a scuba diving instructor.

"Scott's Scuba School sounds good, right?"

You nodded, considering how often he went down on you without needing to come up for air. Yeah, he'd be an amazing scuba diver. Although using his previous alias gave you some pause. What if one of his past lovers recognized him and wanted more? Silly little insecure thoughts like that were becoming less usual as time went on.

If you'd thought Leon was an amazing hired boyfriend, he was even better without the promise of money. He refused to let you pay for anything or want for nothing. From having roses delivered to your office to cooking you dinner, planning out romantic date nights to making love to you until you begged him to stop. He was perfect and he was all yours.

"Best wedding date ever," Leon read aloud to himself, seeing the new notification popping up on his previous work phone. "So good you'll think he's really in love with you."

He shot you a knowing glance before giving you a slow lingering kiss. With the simple tap, his website and review page were deleted and his new, real life with you could truly begin.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #leon kennedy smut #leon x reader #leon s kennedy smut #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil fic #resident evil smut #sex worker Leon #graphic design is my passion #leon x female reader #leon kennedy x fem reader #leon kennedy x fem!reader

[jade-kyo]

Non-Red vs Blue fans guess the fake fact: results!

Find the og post here

Alright time to finally review the results! Correct answer is at the bottom of this post for those not interested in all of the results and explanations!

So the most highly voted option at 23% was Elijah Wood which I’m sorry to say is incorrect! Elijah Wood was a voice actor in the series. He played the role of Sigma! What this big name actor is doing in a random web series I have no idea but it’s still one of the wildest things to me.

Now the aspirin overdose comes in with 17.3% and got mentioned a lot in the notes and it is also incorrect. However I will admit to some poor wording on my part because it was actually an allergic reaction not an overdose. That’s a genuine oopsies on my part 😅

Florida sinking into the ocean gets a 10.1% and is also incorrect! The state of Florida does in fact sink into the ocean and it’s implied this was to cover up the disappearance of Agent Florida (who is also the guy who dies from the aspirin)

The gay guy, who’s name is Donut btw, becoming Jesus comes in with 8.3% and is in fact very real. He even walks on water. It was wild and tbh I barely remember it cause it’s from a season I dislike but it was too wild not to include.

With 7.2% I can say for sure that the giant killer robot is indeed dressed up in cute hats! Specifically a sombrero! Also the robots name is Freckles.

CPR for a bullet wound in the head gets 6.7% and is in fact considered effective medical care. Now I will say this later gets retconned and it turns out the guy didn’t actually get shot in the head the bullet just grazed him and his armor locked up making them all think he was dying- hence the choice of word being considered. The characters fully believe it but the CPR did not actually save him cause he wasn’t even hurt to begin with.

The crazy love triangle comes in with 4.7% and is also very canon and is exactly as it’s said. There’s literally just this insane love triangle for like two seasons- honestly the only love triangle plot I ever enjoyed.

With a solid 4% I can say that there is in fact canon mpreg! Hurray? Idk man this one’s exactly as it sounds. Dude got knocked up by an alien.

In last place with 2.5% of votes is the main character dying repeatedly. This is also incorrect. First off this guy is named Church which very funny on its own. Secondly it’s actually one of the first running jokes in the series how much this dude dies. Until it’s not a joke 🫠 also a few people pointed out RvB doesn’t have a main character and while I agree I felt it was simpler just to call Church the main character for this poll since it’s designed for people who haven’t seen RvB and I would argue that the majority of the narrative centers around Church even when he’s not there.

And now for the correct answer, coming in at third place with 16.1% is Caboose is god!

Now I will fully confess to being sneaky with this one. This is actually a joke made within the series but it is not true at all. Caboose is not actually god and the platypus is just that fucked up. I knew nothing I could come up with would be able to match the absurdity of this series so I decided to twist a few words so that way everything seemed equally fucked up.

And that concludes the poll! I will now leave you off with a few honorable mentions that did not make the Final Cut:

They have a Spanish speaking robot. None of them speak Spanish.

He’s a ghost but not actually a ghost but actually a highly advanced computer program

Woman has mega beef with an AI copy of her dead mom

The highly advanced computer program can’t aim for shit

The first 5 seasons were revealed to actually be a prolonged torture session

Dude chases his dead gf through multiple iteration of the same memory

Woman developed a sibling like bond with an AI copy of her extremely neglectful father

#rvb #red vs blue #rooster teeth #jadey speaks

[emojackolantern]

UPDATE I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE POTENTIAL DAN AND PHIL TAROT AND @slitsfordan ASKED FOR MY RANT ON IT SO HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON CARD SYMBOLISM AS IT RELATES TO DIP AND PIP !!

The Fool - PINOF, particularly PINOF 1. the fool is about new beginnings, pinof 1 is the origin of dnp.

The Magician - superamazingproject. the intro to their collaborative content. the dream they put out into the universe. the seed they planted hoping something would come of it.

The High Priestess - BBC Radio 1. they didn't know when it happened how much would come out of it, they just knew they had to do it. that's intuition baby. that being said whoever said sister daniel you're funny as fuck.

The Empress - DAPG. the empress is about fertility and creation, mf they birthed a whole new channel.

The Emperor - DAPC. to me, if the empress is about birthing new ideas, the emperor is about raising them and giving them structure by which to grow. DAPC is just another in the saga of their collaboration, at this point.

The Hierophant - TABINOF. the hierophant is about tradition and also represents the teacher/student archetype. i think of them kind of like profits bringing the word to the people for the first time lol.

The Lovers - TATINOF. think of any picture of them together on tour and tell me im wrong.

The Chariot - DAPGO. im ngl this one is kind of a space filler for chronology's sake, but them writing a second book was definitely a choice they made that furthered their joint image. they willed that into existence.

Strength - Interactive Introverts. Strength speaks on the bravery and fortitude needed to overcome obstacles. Dan particularly has spoken at length about how this tour was hard for him.

The Hermit - Dan's hiatus.

The Wheel of Fortune - The wheel of fortune is about inevitability of change and the cyclical nature of life. I think this one might be too vague for a direct comparison to a specific event? That being said if you can think of an example of a time they were faced with the inevitability of change I am all ears. Either way drawing this card in line with the rws but with dnp motifs would be fun as fuck

Justice - Justice is about karma, about getting back what you gave. I think of their dynamic as a duo, how they give to each other and get the same energy back. I think generally this card would be more negative, talk about literal justice, but I don't think that applies to them.

The Hanged Man - The hanged man is about sacrifice and surrender. I already said this in previous posts but to me this is Phil— going back in the closet for Dan, staying in London while he went on tour, etc. it's the willingness to let things change how they will because you have faith that no matter how much they change they'll always be a little the same.

Death - the changes themselves. sister daniel is a really good representative of this to me, and of the ways dan- but both of them really- have learned to be more comfortable both with themselves and with us as an audience. it's a change for the better.

Temperance - temperance is about balance, to me the most obvious example is their work/life balance. the value they place on their privacy. the taking weeks off after particularly long stints of work. it's doing what you have to do to make sure this work continues to be fulfilling.

The Devil - Dan and Phil Crafts - Slime (duh lol)

I WILL UPDATE THESE LATER BC IM BUSY BUT ALSO IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS I AM OPEN TO THEM:

The Tower - upheaval

The Star - hope for the future

The Moon - the unconscious

The Sun - success over the unconscious

Judgement - review

The World - conclusion

#dnp #dan and phil #daniel howell #phil lester #amazingphil #phan #danandphilcrafts #dapc

[moonlitlex]

i have so much to say abt chalice of the gods so im just gonna copy paste my review from goodreads here. you can also read it on goodreads

ok. i promised i would hate this book. and i do. i hate this book. i also hate rick riordan. in addition, i hate capitalism. i promise that’s relevant.

let’s talk about the book now. i’ll cover the things i love first. i love percy jackson. i love grover. i love annabeth. i love sally. i love paul. i love percy annabeth and grover together. all of these things are very obvious and self-explanatory. percy is hands down THE main character of all time. i have nothing bad to say about him. his literal fatal flaw is loyalty. he’s actually perfect and has no flaws. this is expected from the son of sally jackson, the perfect person. paul is sweet and kind to sally and that’s really all that matters. annabeth is awesome and supportive and so is grover and they’re all besties forever. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

the jokes are better than before. there are definitely some legitimately funny jokes in this book, which i was really missing from the last few rick riordan installments. and i don’t think this is because rick suddenly got funnier. i think it’s because this style of joke works for percy. of all of rick’s protagonists, percy seems the most natural fit for these jokes.

sally is great. grover and annabeth are generally on form. so is percy, as much as can be expected from rick riordan at this point. i will elaborate on this later.

now to complain. this is the stupidest premise i’ve ever heard of. percy is a high school senior. he is going to go to new rome university. he needs 3 divine recommendations. this is already a stupid premise but don’t worry, it gets worse. poseidon reveals that the reason percy needs these recommendations is that it’s a special requirement for him specifically made by zeus. and the reason he gets to have this stupid requirement is that he’s a child of the big three and shouldn’t exist.

hello. zeus. yes, lord zeus, it’s me. alexis.

what the absolute FUCK are you saying.

this doesn’t MAKE SENSE. the only reason percy shouldn’t have existed was that the gods had a stupid pact to not have any kids because of a stupid prophecy. two things here. one - that prophecy is OVER. everything turned out fine. thanks to percy jackson. you’re welcome, gods of olympus. two - percy has literally saved olympus TWICE now. two times. this is genuinely such a dumb and made up reason to send percy on a quest that i can’t even turn my brain off and enjoy it. it’s not fun. leave percy alone. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

it’s literally insane how stupid this setup is. rick keeps writing books about how the gods are horrible and take advantage of the demigods and the demigods live terrible lives. in this book, percy has LITERALLY saved olympus TWICE and motherfucking zeus (literally) had to be talked down from making him get 25 letters of recommendation to 3. this is AFTER percy spent 3 years in pjo almost being killed and got his memory wiped for 6-8 months depending on which book you read in hoo and then got sent on a quest to save the entire world AGAIN. this CHILD got like a 2-4 month break (depending on which book you’re reading) and he woke up with no fucking memory and had to spend like 2 more months fighting monsters and the literal primordial earth goddess. and now he has to go on literally pointless quests that someone who didn’t just get back home from saving the actual world could ALSO just do. because he needs to get some fucking letters of recommendation.

look. genuinely. percy jackson should snap at this point in the story. this boy should’ve snapped like at least 5 books ago. at minimum. rick wrote the perfect setup to show us percy’s instant descent into madness. he should LOSE it. all the gods have done for the ENTIRE time he’s known he’s a demigod is treat demigods like disposable tools. this is the point in the story where percy goes. wow. luke was right. you guys are all assholes who don’t care about us even a little bit. i am NOT saying what needs to follow is a fanfic-esque dark!percy story where he successfully destroys olympus or something. what i AM saying. is at bare minimum this is where percy goes you know what fuck you i hate you guys and washes his hands of being a demigod at least temporarily. at the very least he should sit back and think yeah, i don’t really want to go to new rome university. it’s not worth it. i will just go to a different university. look. it’s percy jackson. he can literally one shot all but the most fearsome monsters (typhon, the giants, a drakon, etc). he is literally going to be 100% completely fine going to mortal university AND he wont have to deal with zeus’s annoying ass.

listen. MY percy jackson wanted to kill smelly gabe as a 12 year old because he abused his mother. MY percy jackson doesn’t like bullies. MY percy jackson challenged ares to a fight just on the basis that ares was a fucking asshole.

MY percy jackson is not going on useless fucking quests to go to new rome university of all places.

which reminds me. why DOES he want to go to new rome university. this is percy jackson. he LOVES new york. why is percy “what did they do to my city” jackson going to university ACROSS THE COUNTRY from the city he loves. why is he doing that. and hey look. sally and paul (and soon estelle) are ALSO going to be in new york. so like WHY is he leaving for real. percy my fatal flaw is loyalty jackson. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE OK! it’s percy he is seriously not going to have issues with common monsters attacking him. we literally saw him fight off titans and giants a fucking hellhound isn’t gonna get his ass. WHY is he leaving. it does NOT make sense.

there’s this scene ok. where sally tells them she’s pregnant. and percy’s like oh my god…. i’m going to be in california…. and my sister is going to be here…. and i was just sitting there going. yeah bro. why are you going to california. i literally do not understand. you literally are from nyc. you live here. your family is here. your friends from chb are like a short pegasus ride away. there are like 50 universities in new york. just go here. why are you leaving. you are percy jackson. being a new yorker is literally one of your defining traits. stay here. WHY AR EYOU LEAVING I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PERSEUS

and listen. if your argument is that annabeth is going to be in nru. why the FUCK is ANNABETH going to nru!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT!!!! EXPLAIN IT!!!! percy LITERALLY says annabeth is such an overachiever she’s already run out of ap classes to take. he literally says that. why the fuck is this girl going to nru where let’s be real her admission is guaranteed. annabeth is 100% someone who would want to go to an ivy. and would you fucking believe it there’s an ivy right here in nyc. like let’s be fucking realistic here. annabeth started her architecture career at SIXTEEN designing the city the fucking GODS live in. so like. don’t you think she’d want to be a bit more challenged. don’t you think she’d want to go to a university that is actually recognizable to mortals. annabeth did NOT love new rome that much like did richard forget what he wrote. this girl was freaking out about new rome until percy said he only likes it because they could live together there. she literally does not care about new rome and she is WAY too ambitious and academically inclined to be happy with going to some small as uni 99% of employers have never heard of.

this isn’t even the worst character assassination in the book. that award goes to the way rick wrote percy. percy. my darling percy. my beloved percy. perseus jackson. light of my life. as i said before, he is MOSTLY on form. the him really wanting to cali thing is definitely ooc for him but it is NOTHING compared to the sheer amount of times rick portrays percy as stupid in this accursed novel. his internal monologue is constantly shit like i’m always so behind annabeth and omg i’m being so dumb right now and annabeth calls me seaweed brain because i’m an idiot and blah blah fucking blah.

dick riordan has forgotten that perseus jackson is, in fact, not stupid at all. he is INCREDIBLY clever. he is just not particularly academically inclined/not very book smart and it would also be perfectly understandable given the fucking books that riordan wrote to interpret that as percy being very discouraged from engaging with his studies. he genuinely enjoys chiron’s class at yancy because chiron is an engaging teacher and encourages him. he spends 90% of his time in pjo deducing what’s going on with extremely limited information because rick decided none of the characters can tell him anything because of plot and exposition reasons. in son of neptune he literally just coasts on having sherlockian (not bbc that’s a whole other angry review) powers of deduction. to the point where the characters around him are amazed at how he’s figuring stuff out. literally in house of hades annabeth’s pov’s are constantly her commenting on how she gives percy shit for being a dumbass but he’s actually really clever.

it genuinely feels like at some point during the writing of mark of athena rick decided to just slowly start making various fanon ideas canon. percy being stupid is very commonly accepted fanon because he doesn’t realize how smart he is (and fans don’t realize he’s an unreliable narrator) and the fans also love to infantilize characters with more in your face adhd (leo is another victim of this phenomenon). we’ve spent 5 books in percy’s head and he doesn’t think he’s particularly clever so it makes sense to ignore the mountains of evidence pointing towards his quick and creative thought process in favour of haha percy is dumb jokes.

the wild thing is, percy isn’t even that hard on himself in pjo. he obviously doesn’t see himself in the same way we later come to find out other people see him (mainly thinking about hazel and frank in son of neptune, which is the only time in hoo he genuinely feels like the same character as pjo percy) but he’s not really dealing with crazy self doubt and self esteem issues. he does have his down on himself moments but they’re all extremely understandable given the context because he literally faces impossible odds in every single pjo book. at one point he’s disappointed he couldn’t tell that ares and luke manipulated him… like yes bestie that’s a very valid thing to feel upset and betrayed about. it doesn’t mean that he’s actually stupid though and genuinely he comes across more as humble and not realizing just how awesome and cool and interesting he is than anything else. percy consistently shows that he is really clever. half of pjo is percy figuring out a new and interesting way of defeating his enemies and the other half is percy figuring out how to bait his enemies into a duel to improve his odds. it’s horrible what rick does to percy in his internal monologue.

it’s to an insane degree. yes i realize i have already written 500 words about percy not being stupid alone but i must stress how egregious this is. it’s literally characters who have previously acknowledged percy’s intelligence who start remarking about how he’s stupid. in house of hades percy and annabeth get out of fucking TARTARUS and reyna makes a jab about how percy wouldn’t be able to find his way out of a paper bag without annabeth. that is an INSANE thing to say for reyna and for rick. rick has not written a stupid character so it’s weird to make that something a character does without really trying to show them being wrong. from reyna’s perspective, this is a guy she was complimenting a few short weeks ago. this is a guy she immediately wanted to make a leader at the camp that she loves and is her home. this is guy she barely knows and she pretty much immediately proposes to him. WHY would she suddenly start making jokes about how dumb he is? it’s not like she actually knows him better now. he came to the battle with reinforcements and basically immediately dipped after the feast. how are we to accept reyna treating our beloved perseus in this horrific manner? we simply cannot. it is unnacceptable. this is inaccurate.

it’s so WRONG to do this to percy. yES I UNDERSTAND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR TOO LONG. I DON’T CARE. PERCY JACKSON IS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE AND I NEED TO DEFEND HIM FROM THIS SLANDER. I AM ONLY PARTIALLY JOKING. listen. liSTEN. this is the guy whose signature move is manipulate your enemy into dueling with you when you’re outnumbered or outmatched. he very coolly manipulated bob into killing his own brother (btw this was very hot and sexy and clever and attractive perseus is king of gaslight gatekeep girlboss). he is NOT stupid. he is impulsive. he is extremely oblivious about some things. he is NOT stupid. i watched perseus jackson grow up for 5 books and he is not stupid. i always say this. i always say that percy is not stupid and richard riordan refuses to listen to me.

there are such horrendous lines as “i am a guy of limited talents. if i can’t kill it with water, a sword, or sarcasm, i’m basically defenseless.” richard how DARE you say this about my beloved perseus. he is NEVER like this. he literally would never say that. even at absolute worst percy’s internal monologue was “this plan is stupid and will get us killed. but it’s the plan i have.” he’s NOT a being defenseless guy. what hte fuck are you saying. richard did you read your own books. RICHARD. DID YOU. at one point he says that he is constantly several steps behind annabeth’s thought process. he has literally never thought this before and it is also untrue. richard. i hate you. read your own fucking books oh my god.

ok. i think i have sufficiently harped on the fact that percy is not stupid. now i will complain about another thing. and this was just in one part but it bothered me and this is my review so i get to talk about whatever i want. if you don’t like it read someone else’s review. don’t hate read my review. i didn't charge you money to read it

at one point, percy has to wrestle a god who hercules once wrestled. and annabeth says something about hercules brute forcing it. and look. i GET that hercules was freakishly strong. i get that. i understand it. but when annabeth says hercules just brute forced it they’re both like ah shit i can’t do that. perseus. beloved. you ripped the minotaurs horn off its head with your bare hands as a 12 year old with no training. you are literally insanely strong as is. that is an insane thing for a 12 year old to be able to do. hell, that would be an insane thing for a grown adult to do. i don’t think rick realizes how op percy is. he was so caught up in making percy cool (which is, you know, extremely understandable and right and correct percy jackson is the coolest man in fiction for a reason i get it) that he forgot that he made percy extremely unbelievably powerful too. with the curse of achilles he was potentially matching minor gods in power level. he fights while sustaining mini-hurricanes and explodes glaciers and shit.

some more things. the prose is… acceptable. the plot reads like a fever dream. there is a smoothie shop called himbo juice that annabeth percy and grover are evidently regulars at. and there are. himbos. that serve. juice. so you can imagine what this fever dream looks like. like the last couple rick riordan releases, this one reads like published fanfiction too, just with better quality of writing than the sun and the star.

there are some WEIRD continuity errors in here. one of them is fairly minor but i still noticed it - percy says his father compared his mother to a princess. this is not true. poseidon compared sally to a queen. specifically, he called her “a queen among women”. i know this because i am sally jackson’s number 1 fan.

more egregiously, however, is annabeth’s yankees cap heebie jeebies. percy puts on annabeths’s cap and gets the heebie jeebies while using it. and then he goes wow annabeth. you never told me that using the cap is like this. and annabeth is like yeah well. power is like that. richard. riordan. did you fucking FORGET that percy has, in fact, worn annabeth’s cap before. and it was literally completely. once again, richard, did you read your own books.

one more good thing - when percy fights geras/gary, who is the god/personification of old age, the way he does it is by imagining him and his friends getting older and embracing it. this was a genuinely good and sweet moment and it was very touching. the trio’s talks about this after the fact are also absolutely a return to form from riordan. for like, a few paragraphs. but still.

the biggest problem is just how obvious it is that this book is a cash grab. we had pjo. then we had a sequel series. then we had ANOTHER sequel series. and now we’re getting random standalone novels that are extremely unnecessary and don’t add anything. rick riordan has dollar signs in his eyes. these are not stories that make sense. these are not stories rick genuinely wanted to tell. these are stories that are being told because the purpose of publishing books now is to maximize profit. (sidebar - i told you the capitalism thing would be relevant. you should believe me more often. smh) the only reason rick is still writing these books is that they make money. they feel extremely empty and hollow.

percy is trapped as a teenager forever because rick refuses to let him age up. percy accepting old age would make FAR more sense for a percy who’s in his 20’s and just now realizing that he lived past all the shit he thought was going to kill him and he has a real life that he likes and he could actually grow old now. but percy must be a child for marketing purposes, so he stays a child. the world itself is trapped in a cycle of the gods promising they’ll be better and the gods literally not changing at all. and for the sake of the book series, it can’t change. if we had real change in the world, that would actually mean something, silly. we can’t have consequences. we have to reset every 5 years like a fucking comic book so that we can make infinite money. this is the infinite money glitch irl. just make trash that doesn’t need to be made. the end point of capitalism is making trash no one asked for that has no artistic merit just because you can make money off of it.

by the way, dr emily wilson’s iliad translation, which was also out on the same day, is LESS expensive than this book. this cashgrab nonsense novel is MORE expensive than a book a professor in classics who has a phd spent 4 years on. this is just wrong. the fun and stupid cashgrab book should NOT be more expensive than a book that someone spent 4 years meticulously translating from ancient greek. it’s just so clear and in your face. trials of apollo absolutely felt like a cashgrab but at least there was SOME semblance of effort there. this is literally just the most plain and simple cashgrab novel you can make.

hey. you know the infinite monkey theorem? the infinite monkey theorem is that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text including shakespeare. richard riordan is a monkey with a typewriter. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

rick riordan struck gold with pjo. it’s genuinely to this day one of my favourite things i’ve ever read, flaws and all. it’s FUN. it’s COOL. it’s THEMATICALLY COHESIVE. the characters grow and change. they feel like real people with personalities. it literally doesn’t even matter how op percy is because THAT’S how good of a character he is. he is so compelling that you want to read about him anyway even though you can tell right from the minotaur fight that this kid can decimate whatever opponent he has. the books are funny and moving because you can genuinely connect to these characters. the more i read rick riordan’s work, the more certain i am that pjo was a fluke. i don’t think he knows what he’s doing. i think he should retire from writing.

unfortunately for me, richard riordan seems to have no intention of retiring. he has announced another percy jackson book that will be released next year. i assume there will be at least 2 more books based on the setup in this one.

rick. listen. i know you’re listening because what else will you do with your time. rick, why are you doing this. hasn’t percy been through enough. when will it end. give it a rest. stop it. get some help. at the very least, read your own books before writing percy. i am right about him and you are wrong about him. you are the author and i’m killing you right now. i am strangling you and i am hitting you with weapons. all at once. i am very proficient at causing deaths. (this is a metaphor referring to roland barthes’ death of the author. i wish no bodily harm to richard riordan).

this book is… alright. percy is my smart king. sally jackson is queen of my heart. it’s a fun read but you do have to turn your brain off completely and read through some serious percy defamation.

[edit: i am downgrading this book to one star (was at 2). the more i think about it, the more angry i am. there is literally a paragraph tailor made to rub jason's death in our faces. it's about how he looks forward to getting old being married to piper and having grandchildren. it's a very low blow. jason is literally rick riordan's biggest missed opportunity and he's rubbing in how poorly he treated jason even after killing him off for apollo's character development.

annabeth still keeps putting percy down because rick doesn't realize how mean she is i guess. she's still scared of him. canonically. which is a really weird and fucked up thing to write imo. this relationship doesn't seem healthy in canon (they are healthy in my head, however, because i know what women are like) but rick refuses to address it or let them break up. i LOVE annabeth. i love her. but she is an extremely flawed character and rick never treats her as such. and it just makes it exhausting to read about her.

percy IS on form but it genuinely feels like he's tlt percy, not post hoo percy. his inner voice sounds way more immature than it has for most of pjo and in son. riordan also repurposes the "look, i didn't want to be a half-blood" line from tlt to make a dumb little joke about how high school is hard. it was a GOOD opening line. it immediately set the tone and told us so much about percy in literally just a handful of words. now it's a joke about how being a senior in high school sucks. it's this mcu-esque allergy to being sincere that pjo never had.

there is BARELY any grover in this book. i love grover so much that i was cheering any time he was there, but there is very little of him. he's in like 2 or 3 scenes and has his own side plot going on with juniper and being bad at understanding what his girlfriend wants or whatever. extremely unnecessary and not what i want for grover. this book kind of ends up feeling like it's about annabeth but from percy's perspective. she gets good moments at percy's expense. percy spends the book monologuing about how annabeth is way smarter than him and all he has is his sick ass water powers and the best swordfighting skill in 300 years, both of which are very downplayed. percy explodes a river and it's treated like this crazy freaky scary thing but two years ago in universe he made a volcano erupt and everyone was like yeah this makes sense percy is that powerful. in son he explodes a glacier and it's just a normal tuesday for him. he literally doesn't even react to it. and now we're supposed to believe his exploding and purifying a river feat is some unbelievable feat.]

in conclusion, i want a refund. no i did not purchase this book. however, i would like to be reimbursed about $5000 in emotional damages. i will also be suing richard riordan for defamation on percy’s behalf. good night new york city. and my beloved perseus jackson who lives in new york city.

#alexis.exe #pjo #cotg crit #rr crit #cotg spoilers #cotg #i hope yall who dont want negative stuff have the crit tag blacklisted lol dont come at me

[dear-ao3]

Re your RB cursed second seat post, just wanted to add a few things and make a couple of corrections because this stuff really does add to the uh... flavour

First, while I know it's not entirely relevant, the whole Racing Point driver swap was SO MUCH more dramatic because Lance Stroll and Esteban Ocon are like. Besties. Like BFF friends forever since childhood. Poor son of mechanic and rolling in cash son of billionaire true friendship story. Esteban was fired in favour of his best friend, by his BEST FRIEND'S DAD. PEAK drama. They're still besties, bee tee dubs, because Esteban only makes enemies with his teammates.

F1 Invisible Moustache Twirling Supervillain Christian Horner also has a history of 'we're fully supportive [x driver] to be the best they can be and have no intention of changing our driver line up' and then oops, sorry. We lied. Like... five minutes later. Happened to Gasly, happened to Albon, and the former is currently where we're at with Checo. Christian has admitted that they were too hasty with Albon but oh dear how sad too bad boy's thriving now oopsie doopsie.

Also not forgetting that while Daniel was twiddling his thumbs waiting for his metacarpal to heal, Liam Lawson, the AT and RB reserve, got the highest placing position for the Alpha Tauri team this season (up until Mexico, anyway) while driving in Daniel's seat, and also threw himself into the RB second driver conversation.

And a couple of minor corrections:

DR didn't just leave RB because of the unreliability, it was more about being pushed aside for Golden Child Max Verstappen (affectionate, maybe slightly derogatory), which of course he knows all about because DR did the same thing to Vettel back in 2014. Who also had experience in that field because you could argue the cursed seat actually started with Mark Webber vs Seb Vettel back in like... 2010

Honda has been in F1 before. They sold to Brawn GP for the princely sum of one euro symbolic cash when they were going under, because Ross Brawn knew they'd built a MEGA car and couldn't bear to see them not run it for the 2009 season. Brawn GP won that year, it was Jenson Button's one and only championship win.

F1 drivers can't really go back to F2. If you've won it before, you can't compete again, but it's a feeder series so there's no way some ex-f1 driver is ever gonna be in F2 (or any of the lower formulas) because it's specifically for young talent. IDK maybe you meant Formula E? They also often go to WEC or IndyCar. Even rallying.

RB didn't give Checo another car at Suzuka he went out in the same car after they fixed it up enough for it to drive around one lap. Worth noting he was like 32 laps behind by this point (IDR the exact number but it was LORGE). spare cars haven't been a thing in F1 since 2008

Finally, the Fernando and Charles rumours are so fucking funny ain't no way either of them are gonna go to RB only to be a second to Max. I can see Carlos doing it though, trying for the grand return a-la DR. He's just Like ThatTM (affectionate, again also slightly derogatory). They've also been hardcore courting Lando Norris, who's way too smart and aware of his mental health to put himself into that depression spiral.

ANYWAY this isn't intended to be a big GOTCHA i just wanted to, as I said, add some extra flavour because F1 is so much more insane than anyone who doesn't follow it can POSSIBLY comprehend. Thanks for the post, I love seeing people explain the bonkers bullshittery.

yes yes thank you for pointing out all my mistakes and all that i j ew i was going to be getting Peer Reviewed (again, tumblr deleted my damn post so the first version was more accurate but i was pissed and i was also 1am so…) but yes. i am also new here in terms of the f1 drama. but yes it’s totally positively bonkers do you guys See now why fandom people are attracted to it???

#not a tag #from saph #f1 #thank you my anon bestie

[animentality]

heyheyhey idk if u know how cool and important it is to have a badass assassin story with something other than cis gays and have it be Not a Big Deal but,,, it’s literally one of the first legit published books I’ve ever found like it?? And in a genre that I love??? And written well?? And genuinely funny as fuck?? Idk I’ve never seen an enby that gets to exist without it being A Tragic Plot Point or something To Overcome so thank u??? Like so much???? I can’t tell u how much???? I definitely didn’t cry at all about it nope not even once

:DDDDDD omg, my heart started pumping faster when I saw this ask. I am always so giddy when people talk to me about my books, especially the specifics about characters and tone and things they liked!

Yeah, I wanted to include every goddamn color in the pride flag!!

Pansexual/ bisexual assassins, nonbinary demons, a transgender assassin, an unrealistic number of gay and lesbian demon summoners! That's my fantasy world. It's not talked about, because it's simply normal.

Irvine in particular I adore because I am nonbinary myself, but also because they are just so powerful, and they don't even know just how much yet!

I always disliked how many nonbinary characters in fantasy and sci fi are just token "they/them" body guards, robotic or asexual leaning non-humans, or quiet, unassuming love interests who only exist to show a character is pansexual or something.

Irvine was my love letter to my own identity because I thought hey what if there was a nonbinary character who just fucks shit up, every time they appear? What if there was an enby who just kicks ass and is sexily never showing their face, and wears a badass hood all the time?

And then Irvine was born. My little storm demon :)

Also, I don't know if you ever saw the commissioned art, but I will post it in this ask for your viewing pleasure:

so glad you love my child. my baby blorbo.

who i intend to put through the wringer, lemme tell you, because i like to put all my favorite characters through it.

So glad you find it unique too! I honestly was feeling so badly about it, after months of querying and beta swapping, and getting feedback from dozens of people who only found things to criticize as being too strange or too different or stylistically confusing.

I went through a year of being told it wasn't good, and-and I'm a little emotional and overcome with appreciation and gratitude to all the people who not only bought or downloaded the book while it was free, but who also actually read the whole thing, and found it GOOD.

Like people...think i...write well??? oh gosh. oh god.

chills.

The asks I get keep me going through this mundane, dull little world. They give me something to look forward to, in between the doldrums of normalcy...

They also validate me for thinking someone...someone out there must find this good...

Thanks for taking the time to send this ask :))) it means the world to me.

I save them all in my drafts so I can look at them when I'm sad...

Also, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THAT THE BOOK IS FUNNY.

in between the angst and the action and the blood-filled fist fighting and crazy sniper/melee battles, there is a lot of dark comedy!

I love dark comedy. I love satire.

As much as I love being edgy, I think a story without any humor at all is unbearable.

I want you to hurt with my characters...but you should also laugh with them! Laugh at them! Be amused by their stupidity...or by their cleverness.

Be charmed by their vulnerability, but also their insane, abnormal, bizarre points of view!

AAAAH, I'm so glad you found it funny AND heart-breaking!

That is exactly what I want every story of mine to be.

Thank you thank you thank you for this ask!!

Link to referenced book here, for all the poor spectators who have to see me blubbering like a child.

Please leave a review on Amazon/Goodreads if you haven't already, but if you have, thank you for that too! Every review helps me out so much!

#writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #reading #book recs #literature #spilled ink #ao3 #lgbt #nonbinary #assassins #demons #demon summoners

[pinkarachnia]

Lesbian Anime Review #12 - Revolutionary Girl Utena & Adolescence of Utena

Hey

That was funny revolutionary

How does one review a piece of media so foundational to everything else that it inspired?

Going into Utena, I felt like I wanted the show to prove itself to me. Why is this one always put on such a pedestal? When something is so universally acclaimed as this, it sets expectations so high it should be unreasonable for it to meet them.

And yet.

Utena serves as a reminder that sometimes we put pieces of media on a pedestal because they've earned gold.

In this show a girl transforms into a cow and the cow returns for the movie.

My biggest criticism of this show is it needs a flashing lights warning all over it. Some of the shots are really difficult to look at, which is such a shame considering how gorgeous the animation can be.

I don't know if it's possible for me to have an original thought about Utena. After finishing it and the subsequent movie, I spent some time listening to people's takes, impressions, and theories about it. I gained a lot of insight through that process. It helps that people have had a lot of time to dwell on this show and its meaning. When I finished it, I felt that I was still searching for more of that meaning. Utena doesn't try to explain what its themes and symbolism mean and a lot is left to the audience to interpret, but I got the distinct impression that it was supposed to carry a specific meaning, not something vague or nebulous. For a while this meant that I felt frustrated that after everything I still had lingering questions, as though there should have been answers I could have found, but by now I think I'm content. I found answers to the questions that needed answers, and what was left could remain unanswered and that was okay.

Anyway, Nanami episodes.

Utena is a show that has a serious plot with the duels and the student council and the absolute destiny apocalypse and all that, but every 4 episodes or so you're treated to a precious gift in the form of an episode centred around this little shit head.

She's the best character and she has ridiculous episodes that seem only tenuously canonical but I'll be damned if they weren't fantastic.

I really liked the part where she was pursued relentlessly by a group of elephants while she tried to acquire a rare spice to create a curry that will reverse Utena and Anthy's body swap.

RELENTLESSLY.

So this anime is about a girl called Utena who wants to be a prince because when she was a kid, a prince showed her kindness when her parents died and gave her a ring that would apparently lead her back to him eventually, and she thought that guy was sick AF.

Utena is good at sports and wears a masculine school uniform and all the girlies like her. She learns that the student council at her new school is fucked up and they've all got the same rings as her, which identify them as duelists. They have sword fights to determine who has the right to marry the Rose Bride, a girl called Anthy. Utena thinks this whole system is batshit, but she has to fight duel after duel because she just keeps winning and people keep challenging her. Anthy seems unnervingly chill about a lot of it, but also seems genuinely happier when she gets to be with Utena rather than any of the other freaks who are dueling for her.

Damn everyone in this show wants to beat up Anthy so bad! I mean, Utena doesn't but they're like girlwives so that's to be expected but everyone else loves smacking her around. I can understand why Utena's default response was to go protector mode, even though her attitude of wanting to protect Anthy and fight for her would be the thing that ultimately condemns them to inevitable tragedy.

Spoilers below the gifs!

The rest of this review is going to be messy. I'm not sorry.

At least one of the themes of Utena was unclear to me until after I had watched the movie.

I understood that the school represented adolescence in general and that escaping the school meant breaking free of that and becoming empowered with independence.

At the end of the series, Utena has a sword fight with the big bad, frees Anthy from her prison and presumably dies in the process. She had spent the whole series fighting for Anthy and trying to win her freedom, but the flaw in her thinking is that she never tries to help Anthy by empowering her. She destroys the power structures that were holding Anthy in place, but in the process she destroys herself, when what Anthy needed was for Utena to give her the strength she needed to leave on her own. Even after all the duels fought for her, Anthy doesn't have the courage to take that step by herself, and while Utena is fighting her evil brother, she stabs Utena, which might be the thing that ultimately kills her. Just like how Birdie Wing Season 2 stabbed me in the back after I gave season 1 a 10/10. Utena is dealing with a lot of her own shit this whole time too, which doesn't help her see through to the heart of the matter.

This is contrasted in the movie, Adolescence of Utena, which confused me initially because people had insisted that I watch it after the show and I assumed it might help me to understand more of the show, but it was mostly the opposite.

The movie is maybe an alternate universe, maybe a time loop. It's never elaborated on. The point is it's a retelling but a bunch of the parameters are changed. The relevant part here is that when Utena decides that she wants to help Anthy, instead of fighting her battles for her, she transforms into a car. Cars are used in Utena to represent the power of adulthood and the freedom it confers; the main villain of the series is almost always driving his car and uses it to manipulate and influence people. Utena turning into a car that Anthy can drive to escape the school was the exact thing she needed. From that point, Anthy becomes the protagonist of the film and is able to move forward herself. She is literally in the drivers seat, which is a kind of empowerment that Anthy in the series is never given. This is how I came to understand why Utena failed in the series.

I also liked that in the movie, Utena appears to go into it knowing she likes girls. In the series, there's a conversation towards the end where Juri is talking to Utena about her relationship with Anthy and Utena's response is to push back on the idea that she and Anthy have a romantic connection; she says that it's different from the way Juri feels about Shiori, that it's more "pure". In the movie, when Anthy is insisting that she's become Utena's wife after she wins a duel, Utena's response is that if they're going to have a relationship, they should move forward at a more natural pace. She doesn't deny that they could have a relationship, she just doesn't like that Anthy immediately shifts into wife mode the moment Utena wins a duel. But then they have a romantic dance and it's all good.

I haven't even talked about "all women are rose brides" and it's difficult to put into words how hard that hit me.

The imagery of Anthy in her rose bride outfit speared with a thousand swords holding her in place and the main villain talking about how actually, all women are just like that: items to be owned and preserved in adolescence without any power to choose or act for themselves. This show did so much.

And the Nanami development was unreal. The joke character who has an episode where she's despairing because she's convinced she laid an egg is the character who discovers that Anthy is being sexually abused by her brother. She's just had her own arc where she learns that her own older brother isn't blood related to her. He then comes onto her like, "this is what you wanted right?", and she rejects him. Nanami is repulsed by what she learns about Anthy and even more that Utena continues to live with Anthy while unaware. The way they grow her as a character is incredible. Thanks Nanami. Hit him with the 10 hit combo into command grab.

I could write another entire review just about Juri and her whole deal. Juri is the fencing club captain and she's crushing on the most toxic girl in the universe who's doing the whole Kaguya-sama bit where she thinks that if she tells Juri she likes her then she's losing at love, so instead she keeps getting into other relationships so that one day Juri might get jealous enough that she confesses first, but Juri just continues brooding and yearning. It's that toxic codependent yuri that everyone keeps talking about and this time I didn't even clock it when I watched the show, I need another lesbian to explain to me why people like Shiori. When I watched it, I just assumed she was a bitch! I was the Juri in the relationship, assuming Shiori was just an evil straight girl.

So yeah, everyone was right about Utena. It's one of the lesbian anime of all time. Ikuhara does it again. This guy really is my favourite director. This does mean I have some bias because I love all the things this guy does with his shows. I just need to watch Sarazanmai and I'll have seen them all.

Of course I'm giving this a 10; if not this then what are 10s even for? There's a lesbian sword fight in almost every episode. I'll be thinking about this show for the rest of my life. And I shouldn't need to remind you, but I cannot be killed. Zettai unmei mokushiroku.

Fuck, would it be too cringe to get that as a tattoo?

#lesbian anime review #revolutionary girl utena #shoujo kakumei utena #adolescence of utena

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 3 Match 3

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

VERSUS

Mansion Basement - Resident Evil Director's Cut

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Mansion Basement:

"this song fucking sucks. i love it."

"[Mansion Basement] is literally what letting my cat walk over my keyboard set on some particularly bad trumpet sample feels like. Spectacular"

"#This is so funny #Who made mansion basement?? #It's so sad!! #And pathetic!!"

"#whaat the fuuuck is up with [Mansion Basement]"

"#like NOTHING can compare to mansion basement #what the FUCK"

"#the mansion basement made me cry #ithink i know who the winner here is #🎺🔥🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥"

"#[Mansion Basement] THO HEEEELP.??? BABY ON FL STUDIO TRYING TO PLAY MARIO UNDERGROUND THEME...."

"#resident evil is a joke song for clowns"

"#I'M NOT LISTENING TO THE OTHER ONE I KNOW FOR A FACT IT'S MANSION BASEMENT #THE STORY BEHIND IT IS WILD TOO SO THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC WIN BABBBEEEYYY" (pollrunner's note if anyone knows what the story is please tell me i am dying to hear about it)

"#i saw the title of this post and literally IMMEDIATELY thought of mansion basement #felt emotionally validated when i saw it was an option #i love that song #in the worst way #like a drunk zombie looking for its keys in an orchestra"

"#im fucking obsessed with mansion basement. sweep"

"#what the hell that is not a real resident evil song #did they really just make that and put it in the game #what"

"#I ACTUALLY LIKE THE BASEMENT SONG because it perfectly captions how like- #the sneaky suspicion of getting diharrea feels"

"#fart basement ofc"

"#Mansion basement is objectively the funniest song ever"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

#my posts #worst video game song tournament #round 3 #poll #music poll #music #video games #video game music #tournament poll #poll tournament #poll bracket #tumblr poll #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr tourney #the yoshi clan #yoshi's island #yoshi's new island #mansion basement #resident evil #resident evil director's cut

[vespertin-y]

reviewing the v3 death portraits

(i'm gonna assume tsumugi was painting these personally, because it's more interesting that way).

i had a very clear memory of these being A) in that lovely danganronpa pink, and B) distinctly spray-paint-esque, and apparently neither of these things are true?? weird. anyway, i can't find any specific symbolism for either of these - but that's fine! they do a good job at establishing a baseline for the other characters to deviate from.

oh, ryouma...this one makes me SO fucking sad. he doesn't even get the care of a personally painted X, just a fucking stamp. it really drives home tsumugi's casual exploitation of him - he was never anything special to her, just a convenient way to round out the cast with an easy victim. i can so clearly see her stamping it and then sliding it off her desk as casually as any other paperwork. a completed task.

as for kirumi's - hers looks like it was done with a paint marker, or at least a thin paintbrush held steadily and carefully. the neat, thin lines really suit her. (the little smudges clearly betray it as done by someone with less skill than she had, though).

after the BITTERLY atheistic conclusion of ch3, angie's portrait feels a bit mocking - but i really don't think it was intended that way. a sweet, affectionate doodle with absolutely zero thought to how insensitive it is to the ACTUAL HUMAN WHO DIED is so in character for tsumugi, isn't it? same for tenko - the little pinwheel curls might be a bittersweet memorial from a true friend, but from the person who led you to your death?

anyway i thought for ages that the splatter on kiyo's portrait was mimicking the fire from his execution, and i'm still like 80% sure that's the truth, but looking closer - doesn't it look like a mouth and nose right above the right side of his hat? the rest of it could be sweeping hair, too...i see faces in everything tho so maybe i'm making this up sndhsgf.

miu's probably doesn't require any explanation, but just in case you didn't know - XXX is an old-timey way to mark "adult" things, sometimes alcohol or drugs but most commonly sexual content. it's very appropriate for miu and i'm sure she would've loved it, lmao. (i've also recently grown fond of the theory that miu was intended to be the first killer, and tsumugi disliked her just as much as kodaka does - which makes the thought of her angrily scribbling out the Xs VERY funny).

i can't find any particular meaning to gonta's - i thought maybe the forking on the left line was deliberate, but it seems like the same type of smudges everyone's has on closer inspection. oh well!

ohhh, kokichi's. this one is LAYERED and INCREDIBLY PETTY. a checkmark, really!? it's not the dismissiveness of ryouma's stamp - tsumugi personally checked him off her list. and just in case you weren't sold on how much she hates him yet, it's the only mark to cover the dead person's mouth. ouch!! (i've also read that checkmarks can mean 'incorrect' in japan when they mean 'correct' in the west, which is another contradiction to send him out with).

i think kaito's is pretty obvious - it's two little comets. again, would be sweet if it weren't coming from tsumugi. also the top one looks like a middle finger LMAO

#this was very fun i love the death portraits sm #ndrv3 #drv3 #dr #mem says stuff

[1eos]

yellowface has a high goodreads rating (4+ stars) so the negative reviews were more interesting and my thoughts on how the book was received 

yellowface being marketed as a satire made some ppl dismiss it just bc it wasn’t...funny? idk

a lot of ppl were mad yellowface wasn’t a ‘teachable moment’ type of book which is funny bc r f kuang openly criticizes books like the help that are good objectively are basically books on race that hand hold white ppl and teach them racism bwad :( wah wah. like ofc the book w a hard headed white protag is not gonna have a teachable moment? they wanted a mystical elder asian woman to explain racism to her so bad

few ppl complained that r f kuang didnt dig deeper into discussions within the asian disapora specifically i saw one person mention how we need to talk abt asian americans dating white which is.......i mean why expect that from this book w a short sighted WHITE protagonist? the point is literally that she can’t grasp the diaspora...cmon now 😭

like i said before secretly a lot of readers were mad june wasn’t redeemed from being a racist 😭😭😭😭😭😭 no comment

if the author is similar to any character then kys is not a take i expected to see. where was this vitriol when the after series came out gaklgaklglkga

oh saw a few comments abt how june was very 2d and she was cartoonishly evil with no insight as to why she is the way she is. which is one of the weirder comments like i don’t think they read the book fully. june is literally just a defensive white woman that uses mental health as a shield. and theres a lot of time dedicated to how she feels inadequate, and is seeking the approval from the book community she never got from her mother. as a creative june is very relatable and what she does isnt even that outlandish it’s happened before white ppl steal bc they feel like they’re owed something or that the world is out to get them bc for once the attention isnt on them

one critique that i do agree with is that the book hammered u over the head that june is racist and that plagiarism is bad. and she asks over and over again why can’t she tell stories of other cultures and no one in the narrative even comes close to the point that its fucked up shes telling stories from other races when the ppl who directly were affected by what she’s stealing only have a fleeting chance of getting their story told despite MULTIPLE instances of it being possible. even if june didnt accept it its weird that she never got the obvious answer to her stupid ass question. the subtext abt why it was bad was there but its weird that multiple times she breeches that subject and no one ever gets the chance to challenge her

#blb: yellowface #ok i think these are my final thoughts #overall 4.5/5 really good gives u a lot to think abt

[fanyyy444]

Did y'all saw this person on Weverse insulting Jungkook and commenting stupid things on all of his posts??

This person's been commenting those stupid things on all of his posts daily, insulting him, calling him an abū$er and much more.

Funny how instead of reporting those accounts on there, people just keep spamming the same shit there, sharing links of telegram groups or whatever, sharing their youtube channel's links, and sharing links for stupid votes..

I don't know much about these votes but I think it isn't that important unless EVERYONE on ALL socia media is talking about them and even BTS themselves or the company have spoken about them, etc etc. Y'all got the point👌🏻

Also, instead of spamming the app with links of your own YouTube channels, you should focus on IMPROVING your channel, creating more useful, interesting and efficient content and fairly/correctly gaining your fame and recognition. You shouldn't force people to subscribe to ur channel/follow you, it has to be FAIR, your content is really interesting = people follow you. It's okay to share your channels and socials in general, but recognize the LIMITS and DO NOT spam.

The time you open weverse, the first thing you see is a spam post, like wtf!😭😭😭 Y'all are just making it harder to really connect and interact with the idols on there. It's like, between 20 posts, 19 of them are spams and only ONE of them are people who truly wants an COHERENT interaction with their idols😭😭 Y'all are fucking ruining the app with those spams!!! Stop please!

I hope the app's managers are already aware of that and they do something like review those certain profiles on there and ban them or something..(Wrote this specifically for these people who are insulting the members and making disgusting posts as well)

Saying by experience: You'll get better results if you work hard and put effort into your work, your channels and socials, etc. Instead of sharing their links in a spamming form, forcing people to subscribe, etc. You actually have more chances of getting famous if you work hard on your stuff instead of spamming them online😭😭

Someone should contact HYBE asap and explain this situation, ESPECIALLY THE JUNGKOOK SITUATION, since this person is commenting harmful things on all of his posts every-fucking-day and they also spam these mean comments many times(Like they copy and paste what they already commented and comment again, and then go on other posts of Jungkook and do the same and yeah..)

I also saw people giving free tickets for (Yoongi's movie or documentary idk) and they even said that the tickets are already running out lmao😭😭 I wouldn't recommend y'all to open the links since it could be viruses..

I wish good luck to everyone who's trying to grow their channels and socials, I also hope you get what you want in a FAIR way of course. 💜

And let's try to make weverse a better app please, it will definitely be hard, I can't lie lol😭😭 But we can do it if we work hard on it💪🏻 And also omg, Yoongi's phone must be making notifications noises all the time since people are sending him lots and lots of fan letters on the app🥲 Or maybe he has his phone on silent mode..But still lol, the notifications probably appear a lot and I think his phone probably bugs/lags a lot too lmaoo, poor him🥲 Since it's his birthday, people are sending him many fan letters and forgetting about the other members, so try to send your letters to the other members now while you still can lol, I hope they read them as well💜

#bts #kpop #bangtan #bangtan boys #bts ot7 #bts army #apobangpo #borahae #namjoon #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts tarot #kpop tarot #bts fanfic #bts fic #kpop moodboard #btsarmy #army #방탄소년단 #hobi #jin #suga #jhope #bts weverse #weverse #jeon jungkook

[hazelnut-u-out]

EPISODE REVIEW TIMEEEE:

(spoilers ahead, obviously)

i’m a huge fan of “final desmithation”!!

overall, the plot was interesting, funny, and compelling. i actually DID feel bad for jerry for once, though. poor guy didn’t deserve to be blasted on tiktok and bullied like that…

ouch, summer and morty.

i really wanna take a moment to appreciate rick’s character development. this whole ep had some serious moves that show rick is becoming a better person.

my thoughts on some specific moments:

- i think it’s super cute that he attended the family dinner despite hating panda express.

- HOW SWEET OF HIM- first of all, to not join in on bullying jerry like he would have in the past, but also to initially just want to save jerry from said bullying.

- ofc, when he saved jerry instead of taking over the weird fortune cookie empire thing.

- (rick is a fucker of many species, but not ones that can’t give consent- thanks for clearing that one up, writers.)

- rick fucked joyce?? i feel like this implies he’s cucked leonard lmao.

- RICK IS SUCH A WEEB.

- my seamstress rick headcanon dreams came true this ep.

- WHEN RICK POCKETED THAT FORTUNE JERRY WROTE HIM???? MY HEART- (though, i will admit to giggling at the slap.)

- the ending was super cute- morty is just ADORABLE. as much as i loved this ep, i hope we get more of morty soon. i’m feeling a bit incomplete without him being very involved.

- sapphic horse girl zoo date.

- as horrible as they were, i’m glad morty and summer are getting along. that was cute asf. i probably would’ve also teamed up with my little brother to give my dad shit for that, so i can’t really judge too harshly lol.

(i DO wanna say that i’m kinda uncomfy with all of the incest-central plot lines lmao. pls stop.)

great ep overall!! one of the first out of the season to focus pretty heavily on the humor aspect. can’t wait to see more of rick being a total sappy (albeit badass) father, in-law, and grandpa!!

i’ll definitely rewatch for some meta/analysis later :)

#rick and morty #rick and morty spoilers #rick just fucks everyone atp #rick sanchez #morty smith