#the meds im on rn are the only ones that have ever made me feel better

[captainwholecake]

May I have a headcanon for Ace, Law and Luffy react to having a s/o who is a smart scientist???

a/n: Law would be into it tell me otherwise

warnings: Ace and Law being into it with no context given what so ever

——

Portgas D. Ace

* someone please tell me where this is from exactly because it’s so fucking cute I love him 🥺🥺

This himbo of a man would absolutely be into it

He would think of it being fucking cool

Absolutely wil brag about how smart his s/o is too

Strongly into the lab coat

most likely would try to get his s/o test shit on him and they would be like NOO

like that child having a knife vine/meme type of bullshit

I imagine it would like dexters lab situation with dexters sister being ace and all

Probably be in the corner when his s/o is working on stuff

the small part of me who loves seeing this man sulk is in tears rn

Marco and Thatch definitely had to physically hold him back so he doesn’t bother his s/o a few times

Thatch would want some science action to see if would make his cooking *chef kiss* level like isn’t already

I believe he steals his s/o lab coats

Trafalgar Law

* y’all see that tiktok of someone saying every time they draw laws hands they want to you know to put c*m coming off his fingers and its to the CONNOR! military sounding audio or whatever ? Anyways

Couples who science together say together

HES A DOCTOR HE DOES HALF THAT SHIT ANYWAYS

Would still be really into it tho

Probably because I see him being really into trying to use him doctor shit on his s/o and it not working because you know but despite that he’s really into it for some reason

Law and s/o definitely joined forces for certain things like idk meds

he started wearing lab coats and shit because of them

AJDJEJD I’m imagining him talking to Rosie or some shit in this head going see what you did to me you bastard you got me

Penguin and Shachi definitely tease him for this

(Looks up shachi to make sure I spelled his correct) (sees what happened post wano 🫥🫥)

Bepo just confused and only ikkaku of all the other members knows whats up (SHES A QUEEN OKAY)

I genuinely don’t know what else to say OHHH

Do you think he would tell his s/o about his white lead disease

Monkey D. Luffy

* the moment I find where this is from its over for you bitches

this himbo but not the same level as his brother would think it would the coolest fucking thing in the world

LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IM WRONG

Chopper and his s/o are besties no context needed

*loud banging fist on table* Do you think he would wrap his hands around his s/o’s waist or you know something like that and ask them everything but in a really polite way because he’s genuinely curious about it ????

I DIDNT PLAN TO SIMP FOR LUFFY IN THIS LISTEN TO ME ON THIS PLEASE

I feel like every one on the crew would be surprised expect for robin and jimbei (that reminds me I need to repost a reel I saw on insta related to my robinxfranky agenda)

Wears his s/os lab coats for fun (like wearing your s/os jacket you know)

AJDJD IMAGINE during the time Law was with them after punk hazard and hes sees Luffy wearing one and is majorly confused

He’d probably think he was going crazy then nami or someone explains to him the situation

I feel like I made Luffy’s more like Ace and Ace’s more like Luffy with how they would act

Uhh their brothers so it doesn’t matter

All around, mans would love his s/o and their profession for multitude of reasons

#one piece #one piece imagines #one piece scenarios #one piece scenario #one piece headcanons #monkey d luffy x reader #monkey d. luffy #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law #anime imagine #anime imagines #one piece x reader #straw hats #straw hat pirates

[red-dye40]

it’s my fic’s birthday n i just want to take a mome to reflect on this past year of writing my cringe jthm fic because no joke it has been one of the most therapeutic and rewarding things ive ever done for myself so im gonna spill my guts under the cut here in case ur into that sorta thing

no joke i started writing ancillary auxiliary (obvs under a different much dumber name) when i was THIRTEEN. i was perpetually very very scared of and confused by my psychosis—i saw and heard things constantly that no one else did, and no one could explain that to me, which was obviously very isolating and frustrating. jthm made me feel rly normal (like not alone??) and this fic was a way for me to explore and dissect all these things i was processing and experiencing and repressing. i abandoned it like right away because i was a young teen with undiagnosed adhd but im sure it’s still kickin around on deviantart somewhere.

i have struggled w a lot through my years—addiction n subsequent withdrawal, hallucinating nonstop, uhhhh Being Trans In Society, willingly choosing to be an actor bc i am literally insane—and i felt like my brain was only getting sicker, because i never prioritized my health! none of it! but especially not my mental health!

in the isolation of quarantine a couple years ago i had like sooooooo many psychotic episodes, and eventually i admitted myself to a psych ward bc i was so scared and i just wanted to get better finally!

and i did get better! eventually!

it took a lot of hard work, and i was in outpatient for what felt like forever, and i was going to therapy twice a week and trying a bunch of meds and also just experimenting w hormones bc why not. i stopped making art (which truly truly was sometimes the only thing in my life that brought me joy) because the shit i was making was so scary, i just didn’t want to subject myself to that.

eventually i got myself a really amazing job, literally a dream job of mine, and things fell into place, and my job was my whole personality for a while. idk when it happened but sometime last summer i suddenly felt myself really wanting to read jthm again ?? i guess as i was reflecting on all my trauma, and how i used to cope w it as a kid?? but i reread director’s cut and it truly felt like someone unclogged a drain in my head and all this new inspiration and like LOVE for my past self and xir interests just rushed in and it was so exciting!!!!

and i remembered this fic i had started so long ago, and how proud i was of the concept, and i started writing it in my notes app and it got bigger and bigger and i found a little corner on instagram of ppl who liked it (thank u to those of u who are still here rn!!!!! if ur reading this ilysm) and now it’s this! and i love it!

it might just be super self indulgent at the end of the day idk but! i love everything that has come from this fic (and Other Fics i have written 👁️) and i am so grateful to all of u who have read ancaux and enjoyed it and reblogged and left comments like :) thank u so much

there are three (maybe four?) chapters left i literally didn’t anticipate this to go on for so long and i have no idea when it will end but im excited :) and i hope you’ll stick around :) the ending is rly good i think

LOVE U ALL THANKS

#ancaux #happy birthday dorter #thank u all for being so sweet im kissing u all unless u don’t want that #in that case i am nodding respectfully at u

[mvalentine]

૮ ˙Ⱉ˙ ა rawr!

HI AGAIN!!!!!

Sooo... this ask was me; again, HI 💖

Here are my asks for youuuuuuuu, no pressure though!

if your OCs could only use one kind of writing/notetaking method for the rest of their life, what would it be and why? (pen and paper, digital, etc.)

2. on special holidays/occasions, do your OCs call anyone in particular? why or why not?

3. would your OCs hold the door for anyone else? OR would they slam it in the person's face, especially if they hate that person?

4. if your OCs met you, what would be their first impression of you? and would they ever interact with you again in the future?

that's all i have for now, buh bye queen!!!! have a good whatever the hell you're doing rn!!!!! 💕💕💕

hellooo <333 omg hi first of all thank you so much for that ask you sent me, it genuinely made my entire night 💘 & ahhh these asks are so fun!! im gonna answer for lana (my oph mc) & audrey (my trr mc) because they’re my current hyperfixations atm!!

1. lana: okay so i think lana would very much go the digital route. as a doctor & someone who went to med school- efficiency is key & we all know that pen & paper take way longer. she’s an incredibly fast typer, & she likes the fact that she can have all her files & data stored in one space— plus shes not the most organized & is highly likely to loose her handwritten notes!

audrey: now audrey on the other hand is very much the opposite — she’s a pen & paper girlie through and through <33 she enjoys the artistry of making pretty notes, of using different colors & markers & trying out different fonts and styles. she went to business school & her notes were always top tier, and she was nice enough to share with her classmates in need. she’s also an art enthusiast & later goes on to get a second degree in art history (it’s what she wanted to do initially but didn’t feel as though it was ‘legitimate’ enough) so that could be where her fondness for handwritten notes stems from.

2. lana: she’s not big on holidays & vacations and is definitely not the type to go all out, atleast for herself. i think part of it stems from holidays always being a time for excessive opulence & extravagance, as her family was like quite wealthy & used these holidays as a means to host fancy galas & events rather than bond as a family. once she cuts ties with her family (there’s a long messy backstory to that that i won’t bore you with <3) she starts making her own traditions with her best friend dom & her best friend isabella. she always calls dom, he’s her family. bella unfortunately passed away (another long & messy story that i won’t get into rn <3) but her daughter alana is actually lana’s goddaughter (hence their names) & so she always calls alana & her dad up to wish them. she used to be close to isabella’s family until she passed away & then sort of became very stiff & formal with them because she blamed herself for bella’s death (bella took her own life). i think a few years down the line after she gets with ethan, she reconciles with them (they never once blamed her & always considered her a second daughter) because she deserves happiness too yk <3

audrey: audrey’s mom was never in the picture, it was always just her & her dad. audrey loves any holiday & will take it as an opportunity to dress up and go all out. unfortunately, her dad passed away when she was 17 (why do i give all my ocs such traumatic backstories like what’s that all about?), so she can’t exactly call him. her best friend talia is the one she always calls on any holiday, and she’s still big on celebrating all holidays although her birthday now is more of a bittersweet one, something she just likes to celebrate by herself & later on with drake. nothing fancy, just a bottle of whiskey & a night of reminiscence.

3. lana: i mean, she wouldn’t go out of the way to hold the door open for people. if someone happens to be behind her then i mean yeah, she would hold it open for them & wait for them to pass. but she’s definitely not one of those people who’s gonna be holding open the door for like 5-10 people, like do it yourself people she’s busy & got things to do. oh & she would 100% slam the door in someone’s face if she doesn’t like them, and i say good for her <3

audrey: once again, she’s my sweet baby angel. she’s sarcastic & witty and doesn’t let anyone get away with their bullshit— but she’s also a genuinely kind person. so yeah, she would definitely hold the door open for several people, even if she didn’t like them (unless she really really hated someone yk?)

4: lana: you know i have come to the sad conclusion that lana wouldn’t really like me all that much. which is incredibly sad because she is literally my first & favorite oc. she would find me super loud & overly nice (not because im overly nice i just love meeting new people and get really excited) & wouldn’t really want to interact with me in the future (PLEASE THIS IS SO SAD). if we met at a night out though, we would be besties <333 she’s way more fun & easygoing when she’s hammered oops (also when i say besties i mean for that one night only yk like those girls you meet at the club & you’re glued to the hip for that one night but then never speak to each other ever again after the fact? yeah.)

audrey: now audrey on the other hand, oh yeah we would be besties. we have all the same interests— gilmore girls, taylor swift, cheesy teen rom-coms, 2010 boybands etc. audrey is a very special oc for me because she represents the feeling of owning who you are & not being shamed for having quote unquote girly/basic interests. she used to be embarrassed about what she liked, especially because she dated an older man when she was like 18/19 who really messed with her sense of self & self esteem— but she’s actively worked on herself & gotten therapy and isn’t ashamed of what she likes (i mean she’s got a lot to work on with letting people in on who she really is behind the unflappable & confident facade but that’s a story for another day.) so! i think in the beginning she would find me fun to hang out with, just someone who’s easy-going & fun-loving. i think overtime she would also realize that our friendship could be more than just a ‘fun friendship’ but rather something deeper because i mean i like to think that im a good listener & a decent friend so yeah <333 we would be besties we would have movie nights, we would go to a bar & just talk for hours on end, we would give each other dating advice & just yeah ugh i love her sm!!

#this is SO long i apologize for rambling!! these questions are amazing thank you sm for sending me these you’re the best 💗💗💗 #asks #q. #lana brooks #oc: audrey huntzberger

[pinkadork]

I wasnt just tired from the game or being up late. I was tired. I could feel everything getting worse and i kept trying to cling to them. I wanted to show i cared i felt like an ass after the night before id thought on shit and thought i could make it better. I made it worse and then wanted to be hurt about it and i was just an ass. Ive been an ass. But that day i became everything i swore i wouldnt. I cemented everything negative ever said about me. I fucked up. I had been fucking up yeah but i fucked it. I couldnt get past myself and see the bigger picture. I was so caught up in being alone that i didnt even stop once to think. Nigga i hate myself. And i should tbh. I keep being like i miss them i wanns be with them but is also like.

I cant man. Not rn. And maybe mot ever. But certainly not now. I need to find out how fix myself, i gotta be able to not let peoples coping skills that they have intact, be a thing that i feel like plsys into my insecurities. I dont want the insecurities. I love them. And i feel like i always will but like. How do i even show that at this point? And even if i do show that, why does it have to be that i want ti get back with them? I should be okay with just being friends and accept thats what we need to be. I can't pretend i dont have issues, and in the same light i can't act like my heart longs for them. I hate that im like this. I feel like im always gonna be a parsite as long as breathe. People only stay around me and talk to me or wanns do things with or for me because they care right?

But its like base level, dont die, and thats my fault. I'm not trying to gain sympathy but when i talk sbout i feel like i am. I end up feeling like all im doing is seeking attention and validation. I constantly want to know shit like, do you love me, are we good, are we okay, because i always felt like i was fucking up. When shit would get to a certain point and i mean for the worse, it feel like the same thing everytime, i hurt you, you hurt me, we apologize, we press forward but no one really forgives or forgets, we held it and went back and forth and when times were "good" I'd think, man we're gonna be okay, and inevitably something would happen. Sometimes us, sometimes work. Sometimes life . Either way I've felt like i failed you the entire time anyways and then I'd get bitter when you'd confirm it honestly. I'd feel like i kept trying to make thing better and go forward to do what i can to make you happy while we were here despite everything but i didnt fucking just accept that the reason you werent happy was because you were here. It always felt like it was me you wanted to leave not here. To the point i stopped listening even when you clearly werent.

I cant go back to therapy until august, when i do theyre supposed to check me see how im doing on meds and what not. My family doesnt want me to talk to you either. I wanna talk to you, sometimes i feel like too much. But in general i love having you my life. Its weird, its probably gonna be. I wanna try if you wanna try. I wanna show i can listen. I wanna show i care. I wanna show i support you and your choices. It doesn't have to lead to what ive been wanting. I just miss talking to my favorite person. I get my ranking fell. Its fine.

#but #best #beilieve #im #aiming #top #ten

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

i really really appreciate my med prescriber but sometimes she does stuff where im just like. girl maybe Don’t LOL

like ok milk is really what i drink. juice and water give me heartburn and while i’m looking to fix that anyways, i also just like milk

i was drinking whole milk before and while i have switched to lowfat (and it’s not as thick lol like i do like it, i didn’t switch to smtn i don’t like), i think she wanted me to move away from milk for the most part bc it has sugar

she’s also mentioned how bad yogurt is, minus unflavored yogurt, bc of the sugar and i’m like.

girl this hasn’t made me switch to smtn “healthier,” this has just taken out a source of calories for me--someone who STILL can’t make meals consistently bc of adhd

like, yes i can make meals sometimes if i have something in mind but what abt weekends/days i don’t take adderall? what abt days i do take adderall and aren’t full enough for full meals but still need to eat smtn? what happens when i inevitably want a snack and know i struggle w really bad cravings/eating a lot of snacks?

like if i want to move towards a healthier lifestyle, not only is my main focus not leading a sedentary lifestyle/overcoming both the remnants of agoraphobia and executive dysfunction rather than my sugar intake through yogurt and milk, i’d rather want a snack and have fruit yogurt!

like making the swap of ice cream for fruity yogurt some of the time is better than forgoing fruit yogurt, eating the ice cream every time, and still not getting needed calories through milk and yogurt as opposed to just snacks

having fruit yogurt (and i also like having granola bars on hand for this purpose) around for a snack is a million times better than having like. cake and ice cream every time i want a snack. like yes i will also make time for cake and ice cream but i know what my cravings are like and if i can eat other things i also want, it’d be nice to do that!

she did make an offhand comment abt only needing 1500 calories a day and i’m like. 1 not only can u not make blanket statements abt that shit bc ppl just have so many different lifestyles and needs but like ??? 2 that is literally not my concern, rn or ever 3 i am not calorie counting bc i will have anxiety over it and/or make it some sort of game not to eat 4 it’s fucking based on if i feel i need more fucking energy during the day. if i’m hungry, i’m eating. even if it’s cravings based, i’d just sometimes swap one item for another, not even every time, bc i don’t feel able to sate it with anything but eating

plus unflavored yogurt literally tastes like puke and yeah i’ve been using it in baked goods to get the protein but like i am not eating that shit plain or cutting up my own fruit to put in it--something i don’t have the energy for anyways

like girl my concern is becoming more active, not policing my milk and yogurt intake lol

plus i just had a yogurt and went “that was nice!” like ??? i want that shit around the house stat. like again i wanna reiterate that i’m not going to not allow myself ice cream but it’d be nice to not rely on certain kinds of snacks all the time + becoming active is the most important thing

#food and caloric intake mention

[dsk0fx]

My thoughts feel very all over the place and our of control right now I have too much in mt.head and it is confusing I feel angry at so many insignificant things. My head is spinning. I've never been this fucking dysphoric before I feel so shit in and about myself I'm an absolute fucking wreck I've put on so much weight I feel so awful about mysekr even though I know I am healthier now I can't look at myself in a mirror inhate my apperance I hate my hair I hate the fact I feel like I don't have a personality or any sense of self I don't know what I like or how I want to look or dress and I hate it my dysphoria is killing me I'm constantly paranoid about my period starting again I cannot be calm I need to change something about myself binding is killing me it hurts so bad ans icant regulate my temperature and I feel like my T isn't doing jack shit the gender clinic are being fuckin useless I need top surgery ans hysto I feel so out of control of everything I hate it so much I need my chest to be flat I need to pass I need my hair to be good I need to be clean I need to be clean I am not clean I need to be clean I am not taking care of myself at all ans like.i am getting so angry irrationally and protective over how Jakes been treated bad in the past it makes me irate I want to hurt anyone that has ever made him feel any bad feeling I feel so possessive n protective over him lately he is mine and only mine and the fact it's not always been that way is infuriating to me rn. Idk if it's bc he's been sick n I've gone into over protective mode or what but idk. I feel so out of control I duxking hate this I think I need to go back on my meds but I'm not sure. I don't even know who I am anymore any sense of identity is slipping away from me because I try to shove myself into boxes but I don't fit into one certain subculture n it's killing me even tho I know it's literally no big deal but I feel like if I don't I'll get judged and have to be a certain way so I feel like I have no personality of my own and don't know what ahy of my own interests of likes are because I just moulf to people around me and I need to stop smoking but I can't but im almost out of baccy

but it's the only thing making my head shut up and feel calm right now and I literally feel.like I cannot function I am so overwhelmed by everything right now I hate it so much I feel like.im.never seeing Jake right now eieher because he's at work so much and burnt out and I miss him I miss him I don't feel good at all I feel like I am going insane and I want it to stop I've been having really bad sh urges and I've been able to not so far but I'm scared but I've been drinking again and I'm trying to stop because I don't want to get dependent on drigs or alcohol again but addiction is wireed into me because of how severe my fucking ADHD is I can't help it and I need to not but my gp won't give me any of my meds and adult services arnwt willing to help or do shit until I'm 25 bx of my auriam and I dont know what's going on with the gender clinic or Mt t ans I'm so stressed everything feels too much right now my head won't stop it won't be quiet I hate it I cand motivate myself to do anything I'm a failure and a let down and not good at anything and don't even know why I am still here I cabr work im so mentally fucked in the head I can't even get a job I am useless and worthless and my.life feels hoplwss like I'm never going to do ajytbing with it I hate my head I hate my brain I hate myself I have every single little thing about myself I do not feel like a person I feel so far dissociated and depersonalized and derealizeed I feel like a feral animal trapped in a cage scratching and clawinh trying to escape until my skin is raw and I am bleeding I want to rip mt.skin off I donf feel human I am not okay please somebody bwlp me I don't want to wakw Jake up I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I hate this I just want it to stop I just want to feel okay I want to feel like an actual human being and not an angry terrified animal

#vent #help me #i am going insane #i dont feel real

[flightless-icarus]

saturday august 27, 2022

so yesterday i had apartment inspections and my landlord kept complimenting my apartment bc it was so empty LMAO and it made it easier to check outlets and stuff. i have such a headache right now, but im awake because i had a really late dinner and now i have indigestion bc of it. im sitting here feeling sick as HELL since i ate so late- and i know that happens, but i cant skip meals rn, i literally can’t afford to skip my meals right now, weight wise.

ive been popping nausea meds like its candy lately to keep my stomach frrm getting so upset lately. it was even fucking testing me tonight but i just tried to breathe through it. i didnt want to take another one, because they give me headaches lol, which is frustrating bc i have one

im super sleepy, but i cant go to bed until i get a shower, and i dont wanna get in the shower until this indigestion goes away. i need some water, but im procrastinating it.

i just got some water.

things have been tough lately. im all hung up on my ex friends messages to me. i know what she said was bullshit- she called me selfish and a liar. If putting myself first, and taking care of myself and setting boundaries is selfish, then i am absolutely selfish. and i dont recall ever lying to her about anything aside frorm my feelings towards her. (her and i lived together at one point and i was very fake-nice to her while we lived together to keep the peace because when she decided she hated me [typically for ableist reasons], she was really mean and verbally hostile and it made me stop eating and get sick, so i was fake with her for my own safety and health, and then i was convinced to give her another chance and regretted it shortly after because i realised she very much hadn’t changed, and was gaslighting me and telling me I had problems when she was the one causing issues.) but anyway, she kept telling me my “karma was getting me for being such a bad person” which has me… confused.. even after talking to it with some close friends.

i live alone, my bills are paid (things are just financially rough for 1 more month, then after this month, ill be pretty set money wise), my apartment is my own, im in an okay area, i have the best friends ive ever had in my life, i THINK i have a crush on someone who feels mutually- like this is the closest to having a partner ive been in several years, i have a therapist, i have health insurance and im getting answers to my health issues, i get to spend my days doing the things i love (art), and im separated from my parents. fully.

i am literally the best ive ever been (aside from trauma stuff coming up, but that comes with the territory of being alone with ur thoughts all day and night) and im in the most stable living situation ive ever been in, and shes gonna tell me MY karma is getting me rn while shes working at target and trying to solve all her health problems with essential oils???? (she is anti vax)

im just so deeply confused. she said “have fun with your lame ass life and 5 internet friends and being selfish and living in a terrible neighbourhood, karmas a bitch now bye”

i dont place my value in how many friends i have, or how many times i go out. ive tried to tell her SEVERAL times that im very content being a homebody. i enjoy spending time alone and have fun with playing video games or watching youtube, reading, writing, and creating art. i like being inside. ive explained that to her more times than i can count and the fact that she just never once listened to me and is calling my life lame lmao. 4 of my 5 friends live only about an hour away and could visit if I scheduled with them a time to hang out, and my neighbourhood isnt bad. Yes there’s gun violence around here, but its… florida… of course there is. she thinks its some big dangerous neighbourhood bc its a predominantly black neighbourhood and shes racist as hell. this neighbourhood isnt more, or less dangerous than any other neighbourhood in my city. plus…… she tries to use ‘karmas a bitch’ at me as if i haven’t told her many times that i dont believe in karma. i believe in consequences to your actions. good & bad is subjective (in non-extreme cases), this situation specifically- i think shes awful and she thinks im awful. Does that mean we both get bad karma? no. it doesnt make sense. karma would only make sense for r^pists and ped0s and m^rderers and ab*sers. People like that.

I hope she figures out how to treat people who are different than her. she gets in this “i can fix them” mindset and then gets mad when they dont accept her “help”. She would always tell me how she. only wanted to help me, but anytime i came to her with my issues, i got ridiculed, questioned, ignored, and made fun of. I told her about my deep, personal shit and i was met with her asking me the most vile, invasive questions ive ever gotten about that issue in my entire life. i told her about something as silly as my water heater breaking and the maintenance man freaking out about it because it was so aggressively dangerous and unsafe to even keep turned on and i had to get an emergency replacement because of it- i told her about that and she didnt even acknowledge it, she just said “damn, anyway did you listen to my voice memos”

also she wants to claim i dropped off and never checked in with her…. i just moved into a place oN MY OWN *one month ago*. ONE MONTH AGO. I ***JUST*** GOT SETTLED IN THIS PLACE THIS WEEK. Im finally getting used to handling cleaning and cooking for myself every day, and im getting used to being alone and finally getting over my nighttime paranoia and im dealing with a lot of trauma stuff that i clearly cant go to her with- and shes gonna accuse me of just dropping off because i didnt talk to her for a couple of weeks, when i have friends i can, and HAVE dropped off from for YEARS and we picked back up chatting like nothing ever happened.

Biggest example is this guy i was friends with in 2020, one day i just quit replying, and he did the same, and i just reached out to him literally 3 days ago and he still refers to me as his friend and we were chatting and talking shit with each other, and he told me about how he still plays music and hes been putting most of his energy into that. Same with a different guy, we didnt talk for a year and now we’re updating each other on our lives and chatting again, and he told me all about how hes visiting his girlfriend in a week and im really excited for him, especially bc theyre moving in together next year. and yet she couldnt handle 2 fucking weeks while i was adjusting to living alone and unpacking by myself and trying to take care of myself during this really big adjustment?

she also tried to tell me that my ex friends told her about how im such a liar and how im so selfish and i asked her to tell me what i have lied about, because she has a history of just calling me names (ableist, a liar, a manipulator, etc) just because she “Wants to piss me off” and she “doesnt actually believe that”, because ive called her out on calling me names before and i would say ‘show me how im being X’ and then later id call her out and say ‘idk why you said this, you never told me how i was being xyz’ and she’d say “oh well i dont actually think that, i was just mad” so i plan to tell those ex friends shes so close with that she either lied about them, or threw them under the bus :) either way, shes about to meet her “karma” aka: consequences to her own actions. once i get my laptop back from them and pay them back, im telling them about her either lying on their name or throwing them under the bus so they know shes a rat. idk why she would use their names tbh lmao, considering her and i were actively fighting.

call me petty, but id wanna know if my friends were throwing me under the bus.

i dont need her. i dont need anyone like that in my life. i dont want to be friends with people who will spin false narratives about me because im taking care of myself, or lying out of self preservation because you make me feel unsafe. i dont want to be friends with people who dont make me feel good. ive had enough of those. i didnt even let my family treat me poorly, what makes you think im gonna let random people treat me badly.

anyway, its 4am and i want to get in the shower, my stomachs feeling a little better, and maybe now that ive written about this, ill shut the fuck up about it. i keep talking to a friend of mine a bout it and im sure ive annoyed the absolute fuck out of them (though they agree with me and ive told them everything ive written here)

[buckybarnesdiaries]

sick headcanon

© @buckypupbarnes

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

word count: 827 words.

warnings/tags: none. just bucky being overattentive and loving.

author notes: i'm having a cold these days and i'd love to have bucky rn just like that. life isn't fair. none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

At the moment Bucky found you wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, his happy smile for being back at home suddenly disappeared and the concern got installed inside his chest.

He occupied the other side of the sofa, cupping your heated cheeks onto his palms to press his forehead against yours. That was how his mother used to check his temperature when he was sick. And you were on fire, figuratively.

Since then, he didn’t let you do anything more than rest. A n y t h i n g.

Bucky ensured you were comfy enough on the sofa, before placing a tender kiss on your lips. “I’ll be back in a bit. Call me if you feel worse".

He didn’t want to leave you alone, but he should go to buy some things to spoil you properly. One day, New York’s cold weather was going to kill you.

Your boyfriend not only bought some meds to treat your stuffy nose and sore throat, but he also bought the ingredients necessary to prepare a hot soup for dinner, with chicken, vegetables, and rice. A classic that Winnifred prepared for her children, mostly, at Christmas. A recipe he hadn’t forgotten. Not even after all those years.

Bucky came back as soon as the people in the supermarket let him, after some desperate minutes watching an old lady counting penny by penny to pay her groceries.

He left the bags in the kitchen, taking the nasal inhaler along with a painkiller and a glass of water.

You couldn’t help but pout at him. James was treating you with so much care that you thought you could break in one thousand pieces at any moment.

“Take the med and use it. ‘M going to run a bath, okay?” You nodded receiving a gentle kiss on your forehead.

Bucky carried you from the sofa to the bathroom in his arms, helping you later to undress yourself and get in the tub. The warm water felt like resurrecting when it covered your anatomy to your shoulders. He urged you to rest your head against the edge, placing slowly a wet cloth on your forehead.

It was funny because Bucky looked like he was trying to deactivate a bomb.

“Gimme five minutes”. He whispered into your ear with the sweetest tone of voice he had ever used with you.

Were you… going to die?

Letting you in a quiet calm inside the bathroom, he walked out to the kitchen. It took him only five minutes to chop the vegetables and to shred the chicken, adding it to the water boiling with the rice. Over medium heat, he forgot about the soup for the next twenty minutes it needed to be cooked.

He couldn’t help but stare at you a couple of seconds from the door of the bathroom, feeling a little guilty because of your flu. He was your personal stove on the cold nights but the last mission took him a minute more than expected.

Bucky didn’t hesitate to strip himself, caressing tenderly your shoulder to make you sit up and give him some space behind you.

Adjusting himself to you, he laid his thumbs on the back of your neck. You didn’t know where he learned to give massages, but he was an expert. And the contrast of his flesh hand and the vibranium’s one was indescribably pleasant.

A purr escaped your lips unconsciously, causing Bucky to chuckle while running his palms down by your back, adding some more pressure.

This man was a God’s gift.

When you felt somewhat better, he stepped out of the bath before you to find you some comfy clothes to wear. His clothes, impregnated in his scent. And after brushing and drying your hair, Bucky carried you back to the sofa and wrapped you in a cozy blanket.

Sometimes you couldn’t help but think about how someone could be afraid of him, despite what those monsters forced him to do. He was nothing but such a kind and loyal man, a little quiet and who used to push you out of your nerves with that staring thing of his.

But a good man at the end of the day.

Your boyfriend brought two big bowls of soup that smelled delicious, putting them on the coffee table to look for an old movie on TV to watch, while having that magnificent dinner.

“My mother used to say it can raise the dead”.

“What is it you’re hinting at, uh?” You replied playfully.

Your good mood made Bucky curve his mouth into a smile, staring at his blue eyes sparkling again. He knew all of that would work sooner or later.

“Thank you”. You murmured wrinkling your nose, as he leaned to kiss your forehead a little cooler. Which was a good sign that the fever was decreasing.

“Would do anything for you, babydoll, y’know it... right?”

“I do, Buck. I’d do it too”. You sighed in love, with heart-eyes, opening your arms and stretching the blanket to hug him under it.

feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it and/or reblog it.

TAG LIST:

@mystic-232 @homesicam @theresnoplatypus @i-love-scott-mccall @slutfornat @xx-marvelfanatic-xx @goldielocks2004 @whatrambles @the-mystery-spot @multiyfandomgirl40 @purrrrfect @spidergirla5 @wanniiieeee @fanofalltheficsx @spideysimpossiblegirl @nocturnalherb16 @jointhehunt67 @the-witty-pen-name @valenquei @golden-hoax @hunter-of-baker-street @missusstark @vhscherry @warm-sensations @edenxecho @addictedtofictionalcharacters @sarahsmcu @tinylumpiaa @amelia-song-pond @heartislubbingdubbing @stolenxkissess @clean-and-claire @winchestersgirl222 @virgoroses @marvel-ousnesss @lewd-alien @kait-is-always-late @sesamepancakes

@mayans-sauce @peoniarose @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @starrynite7114 @sheeshgivemeabreak @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @greeneyedblondie44 @phoenixhalliwell

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan fluff #bucky x reader #marvel x reader #bucky fluff

[cuteejeno]

Lovesick

(just a random jeno pic bc he's cute and no one can convince me otherwise)

Sypnosis: Jeno got sick and you, being the only med student friend of the dreamies, had one job but to take care of Jeno, your crush. 💃🏻

Pairing: Jeno x reader

A/n: This has been on my mind lately and I was deciding whether I should post it or not bc Idk how I'll end it. 🥲 but ig i know now, we'll see ig 🗿. Also, Im sorry for not posting lately, its bc i dont have any ideas lol. anyways enjoy reading luvs.

REQUESTS here!

It was a saturday and instead of relaxing, you decided to get your work done by the end of the week.

You were working on an essay when your phone rang. You picked up your phone and you noticed that Jaemin was calling. "Hey y/n, uhm, we need you here like urgent." Jaemin said to you with a worried voice.

"Wait why? what happened?" you said to Jaemin.

"Jeno's sick and we don't have anyone to call but you so pls come as soon as you can"

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as possible. Prepare a towel and some cold water." you ended the call and packed your bag and you left your apartment.

After 10 mins. you arrived to their apartment door and as soon as you knocked, Jaemin opened the door.

"Great! you're here. Jeno's in his room right now. the towel and the cold water is inside. Thank you y/n. We didn't know who to call."

"You're welcome Jaemin." you gave him a smile and slowly opened the door and seeing Jeno lying in the bed.

You walked slowly and sat on his gaming chair that was next to his bed and moved closely to the bed and prepared the towel to be placed in Jeno's forehead.

"y/n? Why are you here?" Jeno said to you with a slow voice. "Jaemin called and he needs my help to take care of you and you know me, I'm always one call away. Anyways what happened? why did you become sick?" you said with a worried tone.

"Well the thing is, yesterday, I kinda overworked myself. I was practicing and I needed to get the timing of the dance right and ended up feeling tired until I didn't have the energy." Jeno explained to you.

"aw...Jeno you don't have to overwork yourself. There's always tomorrow you know? and you're a great dancer, rapper, everything." you said to him while moving the strands of hair away from his forehead so that you can put the towel.

Those encouraging words from you, made Jeno blush and smile.

You folded the towel about the right size to put in Jeno's forehead and you place your hand in Jeno's arm to see if he's still warm.

This made Jeno comfortable because seeing you take care of him, makes his heart flutter and he knew from the start, ever since you guys met when you were kids, that you were the one. [🗿✊cringe but why am i blushing rn bye-]

After placing the towel on Jeno’s forehead, you advised him on taking a nap while you just sit on the chair to work on your essay.

1 hour has past and you heard a ding coming from your phone. It was Minseok, he had something to talk to you about. you packed your stuff not knowing that it woke Jeno up. “hey, are you gonna go now?” Jeno said with a raspy voice since he just woke up.

“Yeah, I have to meet up with someone.” you said to Jeno. When you stood up, he grabbed your arm softly, “pls stay”, he said to you.

After he said that to you, you decided to stay. You were walking to the chair when Jeno grabbed you and held you in his arms. 🗿So basically, you both were in the bed.

“I love you, y/n, ever since we were kids.” After you heard what Jeno said to you, your heart almost went out of your chest and you hugged him. “I love you too, Jeno.” you said to him as you both drifted to sleep with you both in each others arms.

A/n: yep, idk how to end it.

#jeno x reader #jeno imagines #jeno fanfic #jeno lee #jeno moodboard #jeno scenarios #nct jeno #jeno blurbs #jeno drabbles #jeno fluff #nct fluff #nct fanfic #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct scenarios #lee jeno #ljn #mark lee #renjun #haechan #jaemin #chenle #jisung #nct dream #nct drabbles #nct u #nct moodboard

[forever-rogue]

THIS THE DUMBEST MF REQUEST U EVER HEARD BUT IM ON MY PERIOD AND I HAVE TO TAKE MEDS BC CHRONIC CRAMPS ANS ITS GIT SO MUCH MF CAFFIENE AND IM FUCKING TRIPPING RN AND FOR SOME DUMBASS REASON I NEED DIN X READER WHERE READER TAKES MEDS AND GOES BATSHIT CRAZY LITERALLY IM SHAKING SO MUCH WOEOWOW SORRY THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME TH IFN IM ASKING FOR YOURE GRET!!

Hi friend, I hope you’re okay now and feeling better! Din blurb? Din blurb. Enjoy! Thank you @rosetophighlander for providing some much needed inspo!

Mandalorian Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

When it came to your least favorite time of the month, you were normally able to handle it...for the most part. It’d been a routine that you’d been going through for what seemed like eons, but some months were worse than others. This was one of those times; not just one of those times, but also the first time you’d had this much pain around your Mandalorian companion.

The morning had gone fairly well, you’d made sure to stay hydrated and eaten a decent breakfast, along with your small green friend, but why the time the afternoon started, your insides were in utter turmoil. You thought you were doing a fairly good job of keeping a neutral face and hiding it. Until...

“What’s wrong?” Din’s gaze was trained on as you sat in the co-pilot’s seat, hand on your stomach and a contorted look on your face. So much for handling it well...but it was hard when it felt like your innards were being eaten.

“N-nothing,” you lied, biting the inside of your cheek as another wave of cramps rolled over you. You should have known better than to lie to him. He was a trained bounty hunter, years of practice had made it easy for him to read just about anyone.

“Why are you lying?” he asked and you just sigh and let your head flop to the side, letting out an exasperation groan.

“Period,” you finally said through gritted teeth as you pointedly avoided looking at him, “I’m on my period.”

“Oh,” he sounded almost nervous but just awkwardly cleared his throat. He wasn’t inept when it came to a woman’s body, but it had been some time since he’d experienced being with a woman during her time of the month. You just nodded and a waved a hand in his general direction, “is there...”

“No,” you said quietly, hoping that if you remained seated and still that the pain would dull and pass quickly. Din stood up after a few more moments of watching you silently struggled with the waves of pain, disappearing without a word. Maybe you’d scared him off?

But no - he was back within a few minutes, handing you a big glass of water, followed by a few pills that you didn’t recognize. You didn’t even bother to ask what they were, or what their origins were, but you quickly swallowed them and down the glass of water.

“That should help,” he said softly and you nodded, giving him a thankful smile, “maybe you should...take a nap.”

“I’m not tired though,” you insisted, knowing the tiredness that always accompanied this time of month could come later in the afternoon. It always did, like clockwork.

“You’ll...just trust me,” he insisted, nudging his head in the direction of the your shared sleeping space, “you’ll want to sleep. It might be...just take a nap.”

“Oh...kay,” you shrugged and decided to oblige him, slowly clambering out of spot and heading for your cot. You might have been going crazy...but did you already feel better? Din wasn’t normally so cryptic or weird, but you weren’t to question him. Besides, maybe a nap would be nice...

»»————-　♡　————-««

Once you’d slipped into your cot, it took only a few minutes until you gave into the soft pull of sleep. If you’d been awake, it would have surprised you, but instead you were quickly snoring...and loudly.

But then...almost as quickly as you feel asleep, you were wide awake again. Your eyes snapped open as you felt a rush of energy running through your veins...you felt more awake than you possibly ever had. But your pain was gone, instead you felt nothing but pure adrenaline pumping through your body.

“Din,” you almost shouted, as you jumped up and ran to find him. When you didn’t spot him anywhere on your floor, you climbed up the cockpit and found him there, playing with the Child, “Din!”

A small, quiet oh no spilled from his lips as you almost barreled him over in your attempt to sit down in your normal spot. He had hoped this wouldn’t happen, it was a risk he was taking...but alas. Your eyes were wide as you sat down and stared at him, speaking so fast that he wasn’t able to catch more than a word here and there. Part of him wondered if you were even speaking Basic anymore.

“andidon’tevenknowwhatyougavemebutifeelsoalive,” you jumped up again, peeking outside, studying the dying light of day. Maybe you could go out and explore for a awhile. Just as you started walking off again, Din grabbed your arm and keep you from walking away, “what?”

“I think you need to stay inside and sit with me,” he felt bad that you’d had such a reaction to the pills he gave you, but couldn’t deny that he was little amuse, “it’ll pass soon, but I need to keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”

“I’ll be fine,” you insisted, bouncing on your heels as he kept you restrained, “I just want to go and explore!”

“Cyare...no, just say with me please,” he insisted softly, “but are you...feeling better?”

“There’s no pain,” you promised, “I just feel so...alive! Have you ever heard colors before? I’m pretty sure I’m can hear them!”

“Kriff,” he sighed lightly to himself.

“What even was that stuff?!” you asked as you pulled free from his hold on you and started to dance around the open space, “I love it! I feel so alive!”

“Painkillers,” he admitted honestly, letting the Child down to try and get you in his arms again so you wouldn’t hurt anyone...namely yourself, “apparently much more potent for someone of your size.”

“We should get more of that stuff! We should go to the market and buy some,” you grabbed his hand and started to dance with him, finding it hard to get the large man to move along with you, “you should take some too! Maker, can you imagine how much we could if we don’t have to sleep and we just play?!”

“You can’t buy this stuff at the market,” in order to give you some reprieve, he gave in and danced with you, letting you guide him around the open space.

“Where then!? We have to go!”

“It’s not exactly...legal,” he confessed the last part quietly, but you were so hyper-aware of everything that you picked up on it. You shrugged it off regardless, “I probably shouldn’t have given it you. I should have known better...”

“No, this is great,” you insisted, stopping and put your hands on his shoulders, “I’ve never felt so...amazing! I feel like I can do anything!”

“Yeah...that’s one of the effects,” he cursed himself silently. He’d just wanted help you and alleviate your pain, instead he’d created a whole different type of problem, “cyare, why don’t you come with me and we can go lie down.”

“But I don’t wanna,” you pouted at him, but he just hung his head, “I just wanna go outside and be with you!”

The last part tugged on his heartstrings a little bit, and while he was glad you weren’t in pain, he didn’t mean to induce all of this either. At least this way you were enjoying yourself; the grin on your face hadn’t faltered once. He weighed his options for a moment before nodding lightly, “alright. We’ll go outside and explore for a little bit, but if and when you start to feel sleepy or anything else, you let me know, yes?”

“Duh,” you promised him, your eyes glowing with excitement as you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his helmet, where his cheek would be, “we’re gonna have so much fun!”

You leaned down and picked up the Child, carefully as you could in your current state, and Din stopped breathing for a moment. He knew you’d never do anything to hurt him, but in your haze, he was mildly concerned. But you were still so gentle with him, making sure he held tightly against your chest before descending the latter to go downstairs.

“Come on, slow poke!” you called to him as he listened to your footsteps running out of the ship. He sighed lightly, almost in amusement as he quickly followed after you.

He had a feeling you weren’t going to be the only exhausted by the time you were coming down from your high. At least he knew better for next time: half dose...or perhaps something more legal...either way, he vowed to make sure to take care of you.

#din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #din djarin #the Mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader

[1smolbean]

ok rant (? started out as a rant but descended into chaos) time

no but I find it absolutely fucking hilarious that my parents are like "oh just move on from your trauma" and then don't tell me how to do that, trigger me even when I've told them about my triggers, make me talk to people that trigger me, and make me go to places that trigger me. like...ya think maybe, just maybe, that, idk, I might have trouble moving on from those events if I have to relive them all the time? and I've explained it to them but they just refuse to understand it and they don't understand the word "no" either and I just,,,find this the funniest thing ever cause like they don't fucking understand! they don't! and I've told them but they refuse to! and I'm laughing this is so funny they refuse to understand

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I'M SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE THEY REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IT AND I,,,,,I JUST JKDJFKDLSJFLDKJFD THEY REFUSE TO GET IT AND THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER THEY REFUSE TO HELP THEIR CHILD LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

what kind of parent does that? a shitty one. they're the most hypocritical people I've ever met cause THEY'VE moved on from their trauma and they respect each other's triggers and my brother's triggers but like,,,not mine and why? CAUSE THEY'RE BAD AT THEIR JOB. THEY'RE BAD PARENTS and I'm literally laughing so hard this is so funny to me and my mother has said before that she is proud of me for not skipping school because she assumed I would but she's proud that I haven't. like,,,,wow okay I literally have no reason whatsoever to skip school though??? why would you assume that? and idk I just find it hilarious that my mother both expects me to get an A+ on every subject and also skip school. like bitch excuse me? that's...HHJFDHSFKHFDSKH THAT'S FUNNY IT'S FUNNY THIS IS FUNNY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY THIS IS HILARIOUS TO ME AND I WROTE OUT A WHOLE GODDAMN RANT ABOUT THIS BUT IT'S JUST THREE PARAGRAPHS OF ME BEING LIKE "MY PARENTS' HORRIBLE TREATMENT OF ME IS FUNNY" AND LIKE...IT IS THOUGH!

I feel like Alvar Vacker and Winter Schnee right now. like I just,,,this is so funny but I also want to stab something right now. is this normal? I don't think this is normal. I should talk to a therapist or doctor but I'm my own therapist and everybody else's too and idk it just seems...wrong to burden people with MY problems when they have their own. i should stop telling people when I'm sad, they don't need that. No, no but they care. why do they, though? my parents "care." they yell at me, say I'm not enough, tell me it's hard to take care of me, but they care. I guess. i think they care. caring is bad. caring for someone is bad. i shouldn't...i shouldn't trust people, because trust gets you hurt. and i hate being hurt. and i shouldn't care about people. i shouldn't care. do i even care? did i ever care? yes. but i won't anymore.

I have gone back to wishing I could acquaint a ridgdly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls with my biological father's facial structure. (translation: ok nvm I wanna hit my dad in the face with a brick)

maybe if you didn't yell at me i wouldn't listen to music so loudly. father

father (derogatory)

i am going to lie down on the floor and listen to Special Girl by dodie until i die

i'm the eldest daughter but I'm not a daughter i'm a son but my parents don't care

i feel nothing but the crushing weight of responsibility on my shoulders

I believe I need a counselor, or therapist, or- no, I have one already, I'm my own therapist

I can deal with this on my own

hey mother when you look through my tumblr and read this PLEASE GET ME SOME ANTIDEPRESSANTS OR ADHD MEDS IM NOT DOING TOO GOOD

the powerpuff girls reboot script made me speedrun the five stages of grief I hate it so much

cats opening partially closed doors with their FACES is wild and I love it

I want more soda.

everything hurts and I'm dying

Okay so what the hell happened here Nina please get yourself into shape you need to figure out why you did a 180 from being sad to being angry to being sad to being angry and also that gender can fluid you really be switching from "gender is for mortals" to "none gender left boy" with your emotions too

this picture of Winter Schnee perfectly encapsulates my mood right now

im in pain everybody! were in pain! specifically in my chest! what the hell is happening with my lungs

nevermind we're good now

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HURT THE WAY YOU KNOW THAT I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE OKAY AND I HOPE I CAN JUST MAINTAIN IT I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BECOME MY PROBLEM

AND I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY YOU SAVE ME FROM MYSELF 'CAUSE I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I FEEL FOR YOU FOR YOU

AND WRITE IN EVERY SPACE THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" IN REPLACE THEN MAYBE TIME WOULD NOT ERASE MEEEEE IF YOU COULD ONLY KNOW I'D NEVER LET YOU GOOOO AND THE WORDS I MOST REGRET ARE THE ONES I NEVER MEANT TO LEEEEEEAAAAVEEEEEEEE UNSAID EMILYYYYYYYYYY

*muffled sobbing*

it's projecting onto fictional characters with trauma hours everybody

DO OR DIE YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART GO AND TRY YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME WE WANT IT ALL WE WANNA PLAY THIS PARY I WON'T EXPLAIN OR SAY I'M SORRY I'M UNASHAMED I'M GONNA SHOE MY SCARS GIVE A CHEAR FOR ALL THE BROKEN LISTEN HERE BECAUSE IT'S WHO WE ARE

hey remember that "fuck therapy I'm becoming a knight" post I spam reblogged yeah that's my current mood rn

anyway that concludes round one of my annual mental breakdown don't worry I'll be back in approximately five minutes after drinking an entire bottle of soda

#don't even know what to tag this with so just. lmk if you want this tagged #coco's annual mental breakdown #that is a tag I'm making that a tag #anyway yes I'm fine either join in on the chaos or leave me alone please

[lovesaadiqa]

BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!!  I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done.  I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first.  The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.  

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour.  First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale.  Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process.  Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia.  Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.  

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want.  I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”.  I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh).  I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons.  First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me.  Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!!  Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo.  When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery.  They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia.  The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay.  My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment.  I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible.  I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise.  We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money.  My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol.  August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday.  After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons:  had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails:  “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol).  Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?!  What?  I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me).  Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8.  I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155.  I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302.  My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.  

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house.  I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House.  This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot.  Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit.  Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta.  My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66.  I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience.  I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect.  Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol. 

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule.  Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate.  I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it.  I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol.  Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed.  Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight.  I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics.  I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face.  I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype.  I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight.  Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies  that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100.  Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog.  I went on amazon and got away with murder.  Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream  $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 || 

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20).  My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited.  I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody.  I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set.  9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour.  I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20.  I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me.  Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day.  I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!!  Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me.  The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery.  From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly.  I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center.  There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date.  CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls.  I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage.  I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund.  That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!!  She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have.  I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time.  My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late.  All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled.  I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end.   Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late!  Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID.  No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time.  I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in!  We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper”  LMAO.  I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in.  I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery.  He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia.  My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro.  The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe.  I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.  

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal.  I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left.  I opted for a 5 day stay.  I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb!  There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds.  I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it.  They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation.  I loved it man.  So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then.  Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain.  Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal.  I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her.  When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams.  I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only.  All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed!  She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing.  In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me.  I received 4 massages in 5 days.  I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas.  I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks).  The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah).  Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig)  because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them.  The  most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you.  She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered.  She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself.  Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021 

[antpelts]

multiples of 1 for the wc asks :]

;;;; jgfdlkgjdl puts this under a cut bc itll be so long but,, ty

1. what color is scourge’s collar?

i think like.. idk i never really cared too much but my brain always went to red or purple i wasnt picky tho fkgkdfklgj

2. top 5 the prophecies begin characters

oh.. okay like.. im not gonna go thru everything otherwise i probably wouldnt be able to pick but! these also arent in order

1. bluestar absolutely.. god i love her sm;; ive already rambled about her to you but she makes me fucking ache sm 2. brackenfur/thornclaw gonna put these boys together here because like i liked both of them for.. almost no reason? FDGDFGDF idk!! i think i liked thornclaw just a bit more but.. my boys!! 3. cinderpelt ... no explanation required <3 no just.. yeah ;_; i cry over her so much just.. like.. the tragedy to like her accepting and loving herself and becoming an amazing med cat and and ;;;;;;;;; i love her 4. tallstar and crookedstar..... leaders of my two fav clans.... need i say more <3 (ive also told you about these two and why i like them ;; both their books made me cry) 5. barley and ravenpaw ...... yeah ;_; <3

special mention for littlecloud and runningnose.. i loved them-- OKAY I NEED TO STOP IM AT WAY MORE THAN FIVE

3. should hollyleaf have had a power?

i say no!! the fucking.. tragedy of it all.. like its been a while since i read but fuck dude the like.. feelings of uselessness that must come with that but like shes a fucking complete cat either way and when she comes back and fucking sAVES IVYPOOL OH IM MAKING MYSELF TEAR UP shes AMAZING and did not need a power

4. millie or silverstream?

both! ;_; they dont need to fight. tho i think i did like silverstream more at first i dont think i ever hated millie like others

5. favorite forbidden romance

oh god lmao gonna only go with canon stuff [side eyes moth/leaf] buttttttt i mean ;; bluestar and oakheart ;; itll always make me ache yknow.. -- WAIT CAN I ADD CLOUDTAIL AND BRIGHTHEART TO FAV CATS TOO ILL CRY OVER THEM SOBS... -- uhhhhhh i never super liked leaf/crow just.. shrugs. ig it wasnt forbidden but stormfur staying with the tribe for brooke.. ;;;;;;; and to stay where feathertail died.. GOD ;_; yeah.. idk does tall/jake count ;;;

6. favorite sss warriors design

tbh i didnt really watch sss warriors but we love a nice just.. orange boy firestar :3

7. realistic or sparkle designs for roleplay?

its about balance........ ive had both! i liked leaning towards realistic but to this day id say i fall between like.. not realistic wrt genetics but making designs that Seem plausible at least

8. first deviantart username

oh god i dont remember prolly something like.. with mossmask in it

9. favorite crack ship (ex. revengeshipping)

it.. Was revenge shipping but like i never knew the crack ships klfgjkfdlgj :sob: yeah tgat was the only one i like ever saw so

10. describe your first warriors oc

technically.. jaymoss who i dont remember much? gray tabby? very quickly was revamped into/replaced by mossmask who to this day is who i consider my first oc and sona.. theyre a calico :3

11. favorite amv prior to 2014?

oh god ill have to look.. hm okay so.. bones shatter was a fucking CLASSIC i loved it okay.. so off the top of my head here we go.. the one firegray one of course and bonus this firegray one too klfdgjdklfg AND I LOVED THIS ONE FUCKING ASHFUR FAIRYTALE i wanted to have art like that for a few months i tried to emulate it lkjgldkfgj and god i loved duckfeatherz stuff.. the why did you change one... AND THE SWIFT AND BRIGHT ONE FDGJDFLGK FUCKING [SCREAMING CAT] GOD I LOVED IT.. ;;;;; fuckin.. god.. they ..... ;; [IM WATCHING IT RN FUCKING THEY AND NOSTALGIA ILL CRY] okay okay fucking of course obligatory [what if ashfur wanted to break] of course god 9 year old me loved it.. kfdjgkdfg OH AND THIS ONE BROUGHT BACK SO MANY MEMORIES IMMEDIATELY.. SCOURGES FLAWED DESIGN YES KDLSFJSDKL and god.. ashfurs hurt.. i watched this so much the voice acting in amvs god yes... I STILL THINK OF THIS SONG AT RANDOM EVEN THO I NEVER LISTENED TO IT OUTSIDE OF THIS VIDEO!!!! THE FUCKING LKJFLKFJGDLKG !!!!!!! AHHHHHH fucKING AHH [HELP ME HELP YOU] [IT HURTS WHEN UR LONELY AND IM STANDING RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND IT HURT WHEN YOU TOLD M--] [ITS JUST A MATTER OF HOW MUCH U LET IT SLIDE!!!!!!!!] [HOPE U NEVER HURT HOPE YA NEVER CR--] GHFGHFG GOD ;;;; like i hate ashfur being a bitch but i loveddddd this amv :sob: also.. leafpool is sober of crowfeather i ;;; this song gets me to this day also i viscerally remember the voice acting god kljfg i loved this one so much.. i still think of tigerclaw is not one of thunderclan sometimes too klfjgdfg and,, okay

i hate to pick a favorite but i feel like this one changed the trajectory of Me...... like ive always loved the song but this amv cemented it as like one of my songs of all time and i loved the designs and video and... literally i love this one so.... of course... ashfur - mr brightside.. my fucking BELOVED

12. is brambleclaw a good main character?

i read the books like so young i hear he got shittier? like.. i liked him when i was like.. 10-13 reading the books i liked all the journey cats tbh so

13. rank the clans (excluding skyclan, including bloodclan)

windlcan/riverclan shadowclan thunderclan bloodclan

in my opinion <3

14. dovewing or ivypool?

i like.. liked ivypool a lot.. maybe related to her <3 but.. i like them both a lot up to where i read at Least

15. daisy: yay or nay?

i liked her!

16. did you ever use fanart as your pc wallpaper?

yes. including my own <3

17. what would your warrior name be and what clan would you belong to?

mossmask <3 of course <3 [rolling eyes] half clan river and windclan kljgdfklgj yeah.. could never pick.. honestly i mean.. shadowclan grew on me recently but in my mind.. mixed clan and it goes between whether moss would be wind or river

18. favorite medicine cat? (cutoff being oots)

ughhhh idk i liked a lot of em ;; runningnose cinderpelt brambleberry yellowfang.... thats without looking it up so <3

19. did you name/want to name a pet after a character?

i wanted to! never did.. still might name a cat moss in honor of mossmask

20. swiftpaw, gorsepaw, or shrewpaw?

swiftpaw.. like i dont remember the other two as much in my mind and swiftpaw really got to me as a kid ;;

#kkamikazed #beep #evan.txt #blease send asks #ty beep ;;

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[ziracona]

I reread your bit about rin in the last chapter and oh my god im crying. You did my girl justice. I'm so proud of her and i'm glad she had fun. I love the thought that she's helping him in little ways. ;') and oh my god. i love the myers siblings. Do you mind if I ask for hcs? because oooohhhmygod. need more

Awww thank you so much! I really liked the Adam-Rin segment too. I wanted to talk about Rin, but being an Onryo made it so I just couldn’t feasibly in the bulk of the story. Really glad I still got to give her her moment in the sun. : ) Adam’s such a great dude too, and I’m so happy he found meaning the way he did and keeps up such an active and deep relationship with someone who’s passed on. It’s not an easy thing to do, but I think it’s kind, and meaningful. And sure! I’m not sure if you mean Laurie and Mikey or Judith too since I got a few Judith asks yesterday, but ima assume this is ILM related and you’re looking for post-fic Laurie & Michael (sorry if that’s not the intended ask TuT). I did more but this is already a lot so I didn’t post them all haha. Here you go!

Laurie would be very unlikely to make the first move in a romantic relationship. She’s so used to prioritising survival, even when she’s okay again her brain is always, “keep homeostasis” as her directive, and adding a relationship does not fall under that listing. That said, she definitely still develops feelings, and would want things to happen. But I think it would be slow. I think with Laurie, she’d be going to lunches and having long talks and drinks and staying up and falling asleep on the couch together, in and out like each others’ presence belongs in their respective homes, come to each other for support and with hard days and for life advice, go to the theatre together and let them buy her a drink like they always do without being asked, brought back a nice gift from a trip, she waits up for them to get home to greet them, for like 1-3 years solid before one day they just take her hand and kind of smile and she realises she’s been in a relationship for two years and they just never said it, and maybe they won’t now, maybe not for another two years, but they know it, and she’s so happy.

Michael never cuts his hair short, but does not mind Laurie making him let her give him ponytails when they’re working on something, because it does get in his face.

Laurie softballs Michael for a while, since, well, she’s trying to help him reintegrate into society as a human being after having had a childhood that was basically just a 15 year stretch of psychological trauma, and being kind and supportive is a must. But after a few years, she’s gotten much more comfortable and sibling-ish in her interactions. She’ll definitely still be serious and supportive if anything happens and he needs it, but she’ll also give him shit for eating her food or not getting up off the bed she’s trying to make. He enjoys annoying her and does it for fun. Will hold eye contact and eat the cupcake she was saving just to watch her flip, like a cat batting an orange off a counter (or, you know, a sibling who’s feeling /that/ vibe rn.)

Laurie is 99% of Michael’s impulse control. If he and Quentin do something together without her, it /will/ be a disaster, because where Laurie inflicts neutral levels of chaos on the group w her lawful, Michael will almost instantaneously get Quentin to swap from lawful to chaos if she’s not there. They will both be fine, but there /will/ be something on fire when she gets back.

Laurie, walking into the house and seeing then throwing objects into a burning wastebasket in the living room: I don’t like what I’m seeing. Bring me up to speed.

Quentin: So, we maybe have illegally destroyed a car—but it’s okay! We had a good reason! Plus, we destroyed the evidence. Let me explain. So, this guy-

Laurie: :/

Michael: *gives her a ‘what’s your problem?’ gesture*

Michael and Laurie physically fight for nostalgia’s sake sometimes (for fun-get exasperated and performatively MMA. They would not actually injure each other).

One time, Laurie and Michael were walking home together from a movie and a guy drove by and whistled at Laurie and said something vulgar, and Michael stepped into the road and smashed the front of his car with his foot. It was beautiful. They did have to flee the scene but Laurie was /gleeful/. The dude in the car saw his gd life flash before his eyes and rethought some life choices.

It is a long time before Michael is willing to take any kind of meds for his psychosis (very understandably), but when Quentin eventually graduates Med school, six or so years later (bless u Jake for forging him some credits), he is willing to try a few given by him. It is not a good or easy couple of months, but he does it.

Michael gets along surprisingly well with the survivors. Most of them are pretty intimidated, but he’s genuinely chill, and they’ve been through weirder shit so 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s like “Welp. This might as well happen.” and accept him in. Meg is a big thot. She’s into Susie and would never cheat and Susie knows this, but Meg will still flirt like crazy with Michael bc it’s her personality, and Michael, who’s never had this ever happen, is /beyond/ confused. Every time she says something stupid like, “Damn you’re tall. If I wasn’t a married woman, I’d climb you like a jungle gym.” He gives her the exact look Sam gives Gollum when he’s dissing potatoes in lotr.

Since she knew his and his family’s whole names and his wife’s face, Laurie tracks down Sujan’s family and tells them everything she can about what happened and how good he was, and what a difference the first person in the realm who was kind to her made.

Michael really enjoys traveling. He’s been cooped up his whole life. Spent 15 years in one little white room, and then 40 in reproductions of Haddonfield in the realm. Really, except for his solo journey from Wisconsin to home, he’s never left the state of Illinois. He goes with the survivor squad on their group trips, once he’s comfortable enough, and is consistently amazed. He’s not a very visibly emotive person, and can’t physically be bc of his psychosis symptoms, but his eyes will get big seeing the northern lights from a platform, and he’ll grab Laurie or Quentin’s wrist & point to make sure they’re seeing it too, and Laurie has never been so happy. After his first trip, he very much looks forward to the annual event.

Dr. Loomis is the only thing Michael as an adult has ever feared. (Obviously all humans feel temporary fear, like if a car comes at you or someone with a gun. But past instantaneous shock-fear, I don’t think Michael has ever been afraid of anyone else). This is based off of canon, because to me Michael reads as scared of him, especially in Halloween 2. He pauses and then retreats from Loomis in the first film, and when he sees Loomis running down streets looking for him in 2, he hides (I actually really love the Michael pov in Halloween 2 in the open. It was very humanising). Then, at the end of 2, when he’s blind and Laurie and Loomis have filled the room with ether, and Loomis tells him it’s over, he stops trying to find and kill Loomis and freezes. I genuinely think because he was scared of Loomis and has been for years (after that treatment constantly in isolation as a child, how could he not be?) and has known since he was 6 Loomis wants to kill him, so when he basically says “I’m about to kill you,” he believes him and it scares him. It’s the axe that’s been waiting to drop since he was a kid.

Laurie goes to cons with Nea, Quentin, & Min occasionally, and has dressed up as all three OG Star Wars protagonists like the lovely huge nerd she is. Has also made Michael sit down and watch all the movies w her.

Michael and Laurie go visit Judith a lot. They’ll pack a picnic lunch and talk with her and about her at her grave. It was very hard the first time they went there, especially for Michael, but after a while, it helps. It’s a way to deal with what was done in the past that makes it seem surmountable. It also helps to deal with the loss of someone they both cared for. When they go, Laurie always gets Michael to tell her something about her older sister she hast heard yet. David tracks down an old high school album from 1963, and is able to get three pictures of Judith colorised and they’re able to have a nice full-color photo of her to hang up in the house.

#long post #ask #anonymous #in living memory (fic) #in living memory #ilm spoilers #spoilers #laurie strode #michael myers #dead by daylight

[lifecftheparty]

━ ☾ ✧･ﾟ “ he was full of light, in whom is no darkness at all”

  ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our  environmental club     ,   FAZIL IMANI .  this   CISMALE CANCER   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   4 MONTHS  and  is  currently  a  21  year  old   JUNIOR.   through  the  halls ,   he/him  has/have   always  reminded  me  of  aria shahghasemi   ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he sells his dad’s pharmaceuticals to fund his own drug addiction .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ      (   muse 15 ,  aubrie ,  19,  pst,  she/her   )

↪  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 𝕗𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕝 𝕟𝕒𝕫𝕖𝕖𝕞 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕚 

BASICS:

nicknames: fazi

pronouns: he/him

age & dob: july 14, 1998 ( 21 )

origin: carnegie hill, new york

nationality: american

ethnicity: iranian

fluent in: english, persian & a bit of arabic

occupation: drug dealer freelance artist

height: 5′11

sexual orientation: ???

major: biology & art

clubs: environmental club

↪  *:✧ background

trigger warning ! drugs, drug abuse, car accident, death

IMANI PHARMACEUTICALS  ━ a name you MIGHT recognize from the side of your zoloft bottle. from benzodiazepines to amphetamines, they specialized in at all -- A GREAT EMPIRE, built off of other’s sorrows and fazil was happily perched next to the throne. a family portrait, four heads adorning a thin-lipped line -- not a smile in sight. and just by glance, you could tell the family meant business. a serious group, all doctors, all their own achievements; a glistening image of PERFECTION, if not for the taint they liked to call FAZIL.

he didn’t mean to be a fuck-up, but alas, his body was completed with error and corrupted by bad decisions. THE FIRST BEING  ━     his art. an adorable skill, at first. though, like a flower, it started to blossom into more than a childish hobby, and that was when they tried to uproot it from the ground. oh, how his family DESPISED his art ; oh, how fazil despised his FAMILY -- it was a mutual passage of hate. really, painting was the only thing he had ever felt ambition for, otherwise a foreign feeling to the sullied son. he could care less about doctorate programs, but it was the path he was set on since birth -- a forced burden he could NEVER get rid of.

he lived to reject everything his family represented; the happy-go-lucky, irresponsible, reckless boy mirrored the solemn and dignified imani clan. taking to extremes to separate himself from those around him, he dived head first into the deep end. he began to get involved with drugs -- and lots of them. cocaine, xanax, morphine, you name it   ━ all were party favors in the new york night life, those in which he was more than eager to dabble in. the feelings of euphoria that would shine down on him where storm clouds once reigned, the wide smile that would stretch across his face, and the body, that almost felt weightless. the highs they produced were those of which he could not experience on his own, and like a foolish wanderer, he followed them down a rabbit hole -- their effects so tantalizing even fazil could not resist. OF COURSE   ━  he could stop if he wanted, but what happens when the bleary-eyed teen refuses himself paradise? shivers, aches, pain so sickening it would spew from his mouth. no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t stay away. it held him in a choke-hold, ever-so slowly draining his life.

the result of making an already irresponsible boy forget the bounds of consequence? a totaled ferrari and a DEATH-- no, no, no, fazil wasn’t prepared for that. an unforeseen causality in the war with his family. god -- his family, how ENRAGED they were, his father noting that he had wished it was fazil that was the one lying lifeless on the ground. a plan had to be put into place, NOTHING could ruin this family’s image; not fazil, and definitely not a murder. a cover up was devised, could you be surprised? the imani’s were saturated with money, and with money, bought ignorance. and to save face, he was booted out to live with his brother in maine, and made to attend CAPE CORAL. nasty habits die hard though, and fazil’s fought back, refusing to lie dormant. no way could he be sober now, but how do you maintain your ever-growing addiction? WELL  ━   it’s crazy what a last name and a forged signature can get you. 

↪  *:✧ personality

on the outside fazil presents himself to be this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving guy. which, to an extent, he is. however especially since the accident he festers a LOT of shame, embarrassment, and remorse. he is so full of regret and it really does haunt him on how things went down. 

as said, he has a lot of shame. not only for the accident, but also his addiction and how bad it is. he would absolutely hate anyone finding out about either of those, and would probably get really aggro with whoever did. especially if said person tried to take his drugs away or something of that nature?? would not be a happy camper. 

speaking of, he cannot go without his drugs, and will literally do anything to obtain a high.

while he tries to reject his family, it does hurt him that he cannot appease them, insecure about the fact he really doesn’t live up to the family name.

on a happier note -- loves, loves, LOVES painting. really is one of the only positive things in his life, will gush on about it for days. if he shows you his art, he’d lowkey be so anxious for approval ( though he wouldn’t admit it ).

plant dad™ loves plants and the earth. if he sees you liter he WILL pummel you.

total flirt, has commitment issues and doesn’t realize it. kind of a fuck-boy but isn’t so brazen about...which is kind of worse? 

in general, he’s a pretty laid back guy, doesn’t care too much about status. but really what you see is what you get, he will not let anyone past the front he puts on! 

↪  *:✧ wanted connections

i want to say, first off, i am REALLY up for anything. pls feel free to throw any ideas my way i am sure we can work something out <3

best friend !! : someone that he just connects with more than everyone!! while he wouldn’t disclose much about his past, he’d probably let them in on more than he does with everyone else. and i mean lets be honest...there will be a point they find something out. imagine the angst....

someone he fools around with : i mean...im sorry he really is a fuckboy. he doesn’t mean to be though!! i think it’d be interesting to have someone he has a strong flirtationship with or something a little more ifyaknowwhatimsayin. i think it’d be cool for it eventually reach an unrequited love type of thing..whether that’s on his part or your muse. unless you just wanna keep it like they both kinda know what it is..and they’re both okay with leaving it like that. really up for whatever!

frenemies : yOU ALREADY KNOW!! the banter!!! the bickering!!! the annoying the hell out of each other!!! I WANT IT ALL

deep romantic connection : aka someone that really makes him tap into his feelings/emotions. really tests him as a person, and forces him to just really care?? this would be a slow burn thing but again....imagine the angst....

someone who knows/finds out about his secrets : this can tie into plots and doesn’t have to be just it’s own standalone ( if that makes sense ). but i think i’d really like someone just eventually figuring it out and kinda being like fazi ???  what are you doing ?? now this can come at an angle of concern OR maybe your character finds out somehow and hangs it over his head. I would also like to note that fazi came into the school randomly, showed up in the middle of the school year like nothing, and when asked about it he has a bullshit excuse. so mayhaps someone tries to really look into it and pesters him about it. and it makes him turn into the panic emoji 

customer : someone he sells drugs to, which btw! would only be over the counter meds his father makes !! the harder drugs he buys himself for his own collection 

anyhoot, that’s all i could think of rn but i’m sure i’ll add more in the future! and like i said, i am open to ANYTHING. please please hmu <3

#this was way too long i am sorry ;-; #about. #capecoral:intro #drug tw #drug abuse tw #death tw