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itsahotminuteinbetween · 8 months

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Aaaand at last the long awaited chapter 7 that I've been hoarding from yall for a lil while! There's just a little buildup here, so not terribly essential, but I think it was important to write anyway. This sets up the next chapter, so be aware of that...

And as always, I must invite my esteemed guests @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, @laegume and @andyssilly to the lil slumber party. (If anyone else wants to be tagged just lemme know and I'll put ya in the next one!)

Anyways, on with the show!

Word Count: 3075

The tension from this morning melts away pretty quickly once the kids show up. You’re dragged into a tea party, sipping air from a plastic cup with your knees tucked into your chest to fit you while you gossip to the children about Mr. Teddy Bear’s newest escapade in an overly-posh accent.

That feeling from earlier creeps up on you again, the phantom constrictions in your chest tightening, and you hardly have time to mask your sharp inhale and wince when a hard shock runs up your spine, warning you of what’s to come. The kids seem worried for a moment, but you cover up your reaction with a dramatic tale, urging them to ‘banish’ you to your station to save them from the wretched demon possessing your immune system. It’s not really that type of illness, not the sort they can catch, but you’ve always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and your performance does the trick.

You regret not bringing your medicine today, but Sun had warned you not to, and he was effectively the boss. It wasn’t so bad anyway- just a bit of soreness, nothing terribly noteworthy. Worst case scenario, you could take a pill from the Daycare’s little pharmacy cabinet and make it through the day. And maybe call your brother as a last resort, but you refused to bother him unless it was an emergency. For now, you’ll just wait it out.

Snacktime is announced, and you wheel out the food, standing to the side as your stomach decides to make its hunger known. Did you have breakfast before you left? You don’t know. You didn’t think to pack a lunch (you never do) and your clock-out time wasn’t soon enough for you to placate your hunger. You stare at the contents on the table and remind yourself that it’s not for you, it’s for the kids, and Sun is right there. You return to your work station and attempt to read your book, but the words can’t seem to stay in your head.

By the time the lights go out, the pounding has sharpened, and you’re hardly able to move your legs without some ache in your bones. It’d probably be best if you left the daycare to check yourself over, which you neglect to tell Moon before he even gets his chance to do his little routine. His faceplate tilts to the side with a little click, and you’re out the door before he thinks to say anything.

—---------------------------------

Moon blinked. That’s…new. They never take a break during naptime.

The only reply he got from his brother was a subdued hum of agreement.

—------------------------------

Your slightly unbalanced speed-walking comes to a halt a good 20 paces from the Daycare as you realize you have no idea where you’re going. You’ve never really been through the Pizzaplex aside from heading to your post or to Parts & Service, so you only knew two or three routes in this maze. Well, and the DJ’s arcade, but you only know the directions there from the entrance, not the Daycare.

Maybe you could find your way from Parts & Service? Last time you’d been, the STAFF bots led the way…

Scratch that. You knew one route.

Lovely. You can’t say that you’re particularly thrilled to do more walking in your state, but you suppose there’s no time like the present to get further adjusted to your workplace. There was a restaurant around here somewhere, right? Even if their only dish was pizza that tasted like cardboard topped with soggy oatmeal, food was food, and it was better than nothing. If you could only figure out how to get there.

The irony of the fact that you have to go find the Map bot and ask it for directions is not lost on you.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Luckily, you don’t have to look far. It just so happens that one is conveniently stationed around a corner at some random attraction. You approach it awkwardly and tap it on the shoulder, offering a small, unsure smile. “Hey, I was wondering if you, uh…if you could spare me a map?”

You swear the stoic face of the bot in front of you practically lights up, and you can feel the beaming smile it gives you in spite of its static expression as it shoves a map into your hand with the vigorous and insistent mantra of “Take a map! Please take a map!”

You struggle to suppress the little laugh that bubbles out of you upon seeing its excitement, and you comply with its wishes, shooting it a much more relaxed smile and thanking it before it wheels away to the next set of customers.

You examine the map eagerly thrust upon you. Apparently there are several dining areas, one for every floor. You don’t have much time to explore, though, so you choose the closest one to you: the FazPad.

After twenty minutes of running around in search of the elusive location, you’re finally able to find and order something from the somewhat overpriced menu with the help of the employee discount. Ordering a Moondrop curry seems fitting considering your position, though you pray Moon doesn’t somehow find out about it. You poke at the bright blue dish that you’re pretty sure is supposed to be edible. It isn’t half as bad as you expected, surprisingly. Shame you couldn’t say the same for its namesake.

Speaking of the lunar menace, you have maybe half an hour before naptime is over, and you refuse to be late. You’d seen them when you were tardy, and it was not pretty. Your mini check up would go pretty quickly, as you were confident it wasn’t anything problematic.

Another ten minutes is spent trying to find a bathroom (you do not want to go back to use the one in the Daycare while Moon’s still out unless absolutely necessary). You lock yourself in a small stall and lean against the door to look yourself over, fingers gently pressing into your legs and lower back with hesitance. You cringe slightly, lips thinning into a line. You hate when this happens, but it should pass eventually. With any luck, you’d be able to go to work and avoid the worst of it. You’d just have to be a little more mindful of your limits.

This probably wouldn’t end up like last time.

Satisfied with your conclusion, you make your way back to the Daycare. Naptime was still in session and you were anticipating a trick upon your return.

—----------------------

You wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing as you gasp for air, shooting up from the mattress and breathing heavily, your eyes dart around your room, relaxing when you spot the familiar dark silhouettes of your belongings. There’s just enough moonlight from the window for you to make out details. Your hand flies to your chest almost instinctively, as if to verify that your heart’s still pumping, you’re still alive, still here.

You’re awake now.

Once your initial panic dies down, you become acutely aware of three things.

The first is that it is very hot, almost unbearably so. Sweat clings to your form as perspiration runs down your forehead. You can hear the AC vents pushing out air, but it doesn’t help cool the burning in your core that spreads through you.

The second thing you notice is that the shirt your hand is clutching tightly is your work uniform. You must’ve blacked out after coming home from work. As usual, you don’t remember that.

The third thing is the feeling of bile rising in your throat, and it swiftly surpasses the first two observations. You stagger to the kitchen sink on numb legs and lean heavily against the kitchen counter, retching violently. You’re still shaking by the time you can manage to lift your head out, forcing yourself to hack and spit the rest out to flush out the remaining fluids choking your throat. You hazard a glance at the sink before washing away the blue chunks. Figures. You’re never having Fazbear’s trademarked trash again.

You navigate back to your room to brush your teeth and rid the foul taste of vomit from your mouth, cranking up the AC on the way to bed. You toss the thin cover aside and adorn your pajamas, waiting for sleep to claim you and take you from this awful feeling. Something nags you in the back of your mind, warning you that it’s only about to get worse before you’re dragged under, in and out of consciousness as the night progresses.

Your alarm blares some time later and you fumble to turn it off. Little shit doesn’t know you’ve been up for the past hour. You bite back a groan. While your stomach had thankfully settled overnight, everything else has hit you full force.

It’s official. You’re Sick.

Or at least, that’s what the shit feeling leads you to believe.

You make a weak attempt to sit up…only to immediately crash back down again. An involuntary cry of alarm rips from you at that sharp pain that lances through your spine. It’s so much worse than yesterday. You shake your head and force back tears. It usually doesn’t get this bad. It usually just stops at your lower back.

Still, you have a job to do, and you’re not letting a little thing like this stop you.

Your things are shoved into your bag, work clothes thrown on. You hesitate but decide to bring the pills anyway. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep talking, but Sun yelling at you is nothing compared to this.

You’re out of the apartment before you even remember you forgot to pack a lunch yet again.

—---------------------------

The attendants can't help but notice that something seems…off…about you.

On the surface level, nothing has changed. You still walk into the room and greet them, still write your reports and go along with Sun’s demands and Moon’s antics. But there are little things that tip them off, like the small limp in your step or the naps you’ve begun taking more often when the lights go out.

Moon notices your bag has lost some weight. The usual thought and care packed into it is absent. Extra clothes and books are left behind, with only your phone and laptop inside. You’d also taken to bringing those pills. He’d given up on lecturing you about it when all he got was an affirmative that was immediately broken the next day. The lunar AI assured him they were harmless, but it was still off-putting.

Your emails, they noticed, had also become more succinct and to the point. Not that it was a bad thing: you tended to ramble in great detail, even in the simple notes. Lately, though, they found that it was missing something.

Take your recent Maintenance update, for example. You’d apparently noticed the issues with their joints and filed a request for Parts & Service. You always notified them a day or two in advance prior to an appointment. This time, however, they did not receive your normally well-written email. It remained polite, of course, but it was clipped, curt.

Unexpected.

And it wasn’t just your work suffering, either. Your usual excitement when playing with the children was absent. You were tenser, got tired more easily, frequently taking breaks and hanging back to catch your breath.

No, the change wasn’t too great, but it was there, and it was starting to get a bit out of hand. You’d pretty much been glued to your desk for the last two days. And while you weren’t really required to do much else besides your updates, it still felt…wrong.

It didn’t matter, though, they reasoned. If you weren’t feeling good, you’d take a couple days off and they’d be done with it. They’d have enough leverage in addition to your recent slacking to get rid of you.

They…did still want to get rid of you, Sun reminded himself. You had flaws, flaws that could not exist in their perfect system, flaws that had to be eradicated to maintain order.

It was better for everyone that way.

______________________________________

You rub your eyes, slowly scanning your ID at the clock-in station and fighting back the dark edges in the corner of your vision. You hadn’t been sleeping well as of late, and it was starting to take a toll on you. You didn’t dare to call in sick, however, remembering all too well your coworkers’ reactions when you’d returned from you unexpected time off.

Granted, that was a special case, but they didn’t know that.

It’s not like you knew what had been going on at the time, anyway.

You stroll into the Daycare as usual, bag slung on your shoulder and a slightly less enthusiastic greeting on your lips. Your routine is interrupted when without warning, a dizziness crashes into you and leaves you with spots in your vision. They do not clear this time when you try to force them away. The room spins, and your knees buckle under you, causing you to lurch forward. You brace yourself against the wall and hiss at the sudden burning ache of your muscles.

As quickly as it came, the feeling withdraws, pulling back fast enough that the dizziness multiplies instead of lessening. Once the room soon stills, you pull yourself back to your feet, sitting down at your desk and getting to work like nothing happened.

Just as well that no one saw.

You’re in the midst of writing another report when your phone goes off. You take a glance around to make sure that Sun isn’t watching and open them. There are three messages waiting for you. One from your brother asking how you’ve been, one mysterious letter from Fazbear, and one from…

Ah.

You skim the last one and dismiss it. The first two are received with greater excitement, something you haven’t felt in a little while. You respond to your brother with your trademarked ‘I’m doing just great let’s talk about something else now’ and read Management’s reply.

Hello, Fazbear Employee,

We have received your request for funding for greater literary material. After careful consideration, we have decided to approve your proposal. You are required to send a list of materials you wish to purchase. Please remember that any liabilities and/or repercussions faced as a result of this project will result in immediate termination of your contract.

Thank you and have a Faz-errific day!'

Your exhaustion and illness is momentarily forgotten as you squeal and bounce in your seat excitedly. Oh, you already had a dozen titles running through your head that you were certain the kids would love. You’d already compiled a short list a few pages long in your notebook, you’d have to copy it and send it over as soon as possible-

Aaaaand there was that ever so familiar voice piping up in front of you and instantly dashing all your hopes and dreams. “Oh? What’s got you oh-so chipper this morning?”

You swallow down that instinctual feeling of being doused in ice water and manage to maintain your smile. “Management approved my request for buying more books!”

“I’d been under the impression you’d been doing so already..” he remarked dryly.

You ignore his comment, showing him the email and forgetting who you’re ranting to your boss in your excitement about this new opportunity. He takes the device and reads the email himself before responding in an odd voice. “Management didn’t send us an update about this…”

“I just found out myself,” you shrug, not noticing the subtle glare shot at you. “I already had a few titles in mind, but I’d be more than happy to get your opinions on them. The kids are gonna be so excited to get some new stories for naptime, and I’m sure we could-“

“There’s nothing wrong with what we have now for naptime,” he cuts you off, a second, darker undertone layering his voice briefly. His eyes flash red for a split second.

You blink and hastily amend yourself. “Right, sorry, I just meant that it’ll be nice to have some more variety, that’s all. We could probably find some stuff for you guys, too, if you wanted. I’m sure Moon’s gotten tired of children’s books by now.”

The attendant says nothing for a while, remaining eerily still, and you turn around to see if he’s still there. There have been some times where they’ve slipped away without you noticing. How they did so was unknown to you considering the many bells hanging from their frame. “Sun?”

The lights cut off abruptly, and the raspier voice returns, drawling sardonically with a hint of mockery. “Awww, you would do that for meee?” He clasps his hands together and flutters his ‘eyelids’ in a show of sarcasm.

“Hi Moon,” you greet him without missing a beat, shutting your laptop and rummaging through your bag for that notebook of yours. You normally brought it, but maybe you’d forgotten it again. You seemed to be doing that a lot lately…

A blue arm shoots out and grabs yours, promoting you to look up at your assailant’s glowering gaze.

“We don’t need your handouts, certainly not from the likes of you,” he hisses, squeezing your wrist tighter for emphasis.

You manage a nod, swallowing the lump in your throat and lightly tugging at your arm to signal your desire for release. “R-right, of course, sorry, I just thought-“

“We aren’t interested in the thoughts of a mere worker.” His grip does not yield, the silicone masked metal hand like a shackle. You briefly recall Monty’s harsh bruises (time) before. You don’t want another limb to stop functioning right now. That would really suck.

He leans in to speak, privately relishing in the way you try to lean back with an inkling of fear. He grins sharply. “Y-“

A knock at the door startles the two door of you, earning a growl from Moon and a shuddery exhale of relief from you.

He sends you one last loathsome look before the lights flicker on and Sun attends to the new arrival. You release another sigh, rubbing your now sore wrist. Another ache added to the list.

And with that, a new day has officially begun.

As optimistic as you’d like to be, you’re pretty sure you know exactly where it’s going from here.

———————

Aaaaaaaand that’s a wrap! Sorry for the long wait everyone, hope it was worthwhile and I’ll see you all in the next one!

#sorry to bother #don't mind me #wtsds #where the stars don’t shine #fnaf sun x y/n #fnaf sun x reader #fnaf moon x y/n #fnaf moon x reader #me posting this while dying internally at the prospect of finally figuring out how on earth I'm going to write a f*cking argument #i suck at dialogue guys it's my weakest point #rgggghhh but it must be done....

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kittenshift-17 · 3 years

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Hi! I've really been craving some snamione fics, and your writing has made me picky 😬 do you have any fic recs or authors you go to when you're wanting something good? (the spicier the better)

Girl, you came to the right place. My Snamione loving heart is all aflutter. MY TIME HAS COME!!

*scampers off to fetch list to all her fave Snamiones in no particular order*

Self Slain Gods on Strange Altars by scumblackentropy What do you want me to say, Granger? That you are mine and I am yours? You are. I am. Let's not fuck around.

Pet Project by Caeria Hermione overhears something she shouldn't concerning Professor Snape and decides that maybe the House-elves aren't the only ones in need of protection.

FALLING FURTHER IN by kaz2 Hermione begins to learn something of the man behind the dark sarcasms of the classroom.

Chasing The Sun by Loten AU, from Order of the Phoenix onwards. Hermione only wanted to learn Healing; she discovers that Professor Snape is a human being after all, and his actions dramatically shape the course of the war as events unfold. Complete.

Pride of Time by Anubis Ankh Hermione quite literally crashes her way back through time by roughly twenty years. There is no going back; the only way is to go forward. And when one unwittingly interferes with time, what one expects may not be what time finds...

Inkspots by mezzosangue When you are a double spy with two masters, no one is a friend. But the war ended last May, and Severus is now his own man. An owl brings a letter of change, but is it a good change? Canon Compliant, disregards Epilogue. Eventual SS/HG romance.

Splintered and Broken by A plus He had watched as the thin wood snapped across her knee with a violence he had not known she possessed. He had been her teacher for seven years and had never seen this girl give up at anything. Voldemort wins, Hermione leaves, Severus waits.

The Tattered Man by Aurette I was once asked to write a Marriage Law Challenge fic by someone who loves a sad tale. This short story is it. Angst, Character Death. Tissues recommended. COMPLETE

Saving your life by lilmisblack When Hermione is captured by Death Eaters, Severus knows there's only one way to save her. 'What are you doing? ' she asked, her voice shaky. 'Saving your life,' he said, just as he started kissing her neck.

A Murder of Crows by Hogwarts 91 14 yrs post-war: Hermione’s teaching at Hogwarts when an un-aged Snape awakens from stasis and returns to the school. Sparks fly when they meet. Can they learn to trust and love in time to defeat an evil plot bent on changing the wizarding world forever?

Advanced Floriography by Viridiantly Snape's first question to Harry about wormwood and asphodel in the Language of Flowers means 'I bitterly regret Lily's death'. Harry never gets the message behind the question, but what if Hermione does, years later? Mostly set in HBP, DH and after. A story of messages with flowers, the wizarding war, and different kinds of love. Slow-burn. Not canon-compliant, but canon-inspired.

Looking for Magic by Hypnobarb Severus Snape and Hermione Granger deal with traumas past and present and find they have more in common than they realize as they prepare for the ultimate confrontation with Voldemort. SSHG pairing. Not HBP compliant. This is a novel length story.

Synergy by Laurielove Hermione is being followed, and she suspects she knows by whom. But when they come face-to-face, how will she react to him and his startling request? SS/HG. M readers only, please. Written for the 2011 LJ SS/HG Exchange.

Post Tenebras, Lux by Loten "After Darkness, Light." A chance meeting ten years after the war may not be just a coincidence, and may prove to have very far-reaching consequences. A story of many things, but primarily of healing. SS/HG; rated M for later chapters. Complete.

For the Potions Master's Amusement by snape.submiss Now Complete! Severus Snape is not a kind man, but Hermione Granger is past caring. She wants his approval and will do anything to get it. How far will she go? Even she has no concept of the depths to which she will fall in her quest.

Latent Loveliness by Ladyreason Bellatrix gets in one last curse before her defeat which causes Hermione to fall into a deep sleep... She'll only awaken to one man's kiss. And boy, will she awaken. eventual SSHG pairing

Babble On by Aurette One person's nervous tic, is another's nervous joy.

Liminal by Cybrokat Severus Snape keeps running into a student playing piano. Why does he stop to listen, and how does she respond when she is asked to invite him when she plays? And what about Voldemort? Here there be fluff, romance, drama, and angst.

Sins of the Father by Emmaficready 9 Months after the end of the war, a destitute Severus Snape, practically living rough, gets news that will change his life forever. Severus Snape Lives! / POST DH / EWE WARNINGS: Abuse, Neglect, Character Death, Rape, Sensitive/taboo topics.

The Marriage Law by teshara 020 rewrite and update! When Hermione Granger and Severus Snape are thrown together by the ill-conceived Marriage Law, no one doubts they'll make a good undercover team for the Order. No one suspects that they'll find mutual respect, love, and a plot to destroy the world. A story in 3 parts.

A wizard s trial by snapeophil Hermione is out after curfew when she witnesses something that will change her relationship to her DADA professor forever.

The Prisoner and the Occlumens by duskywolfdaemon Hermione's plans to spend her seventh year on the run with her friends are shattered when Severus Snape shows up with a proposal she cannot refuse. *AU 7th year with Hermione attending Hogwarts. Eventual SSHG. M for reasons. ***COMPLETE***

Unintentional Inveiglement by onecelestialbeing Takes places during the summer after OoTP, the Golden Trio is forced to stay in hiding at Grimmauld Place. Hermione (who is of age!) begins gravitating towards Snape without knowing why, and he attempts keeping her at arms length, but will be able to remain doing so? AU

Innocent Shadows by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse "You'll sort everything. Gods, Hermione, you fought five Death Eaters to a standstill *and* defended and saved Snape."/ "Professor Snape."/ Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes. That." He waved his hand at the bed. "So this? Piece of cake." /Marriage Law /ss/hg HEA...always *grin*

Turned Over by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse Severus Snape inherited Hermione Granger at three o'clock on a rain-soaked Saturday morning in March. SS/HG HEA...Always :) COMPLETE

The Irony by awakethelion Hermione Granger gets stuck in her Animagus form and is put in the care of the only one strong enough to control her - Severus Snape. The over-achieving know-it-all Gryffindor, is, in the eyes of Hogwarts student body, home taking care of her ill parents, while in reality she is now living life posing as Professor Snape's familiar. J.K. Rowling owns all the characters.

Camerado by MillieJoan Hermione seeks knowledge from a reluctant Snape in order to help the War effort. What she receives is more than either of them expected. Set beginning in Hermione's sixth year, continuing into a slightly AU post-DH era.

Unto Their Own by CRMediaGal The Light has fallen, Darkness abounds, and Hermione Granger is struggling to survive in a far more sinister Wizarding world. When she is sentenced into Snape's charge, Hermione begins to wonder if everything is truly as it seems. For better or worse, their worlds are about to collide, perhaps even unite them against a common enemy. AU, Post-Hogwarts, Rated M.

Vixen by SLovingLecter After her parent's deaths Hermione is bound and trapped in her Animagus form, first for her own safety, then to ensure the safety of others during the war. Who is she bound to? Severus Snape, of course.

Another Dream by dragoon811 Due to his injuries, Severus is unable to resume his old life. He's determined to be lonely and miserable, but the yearly Order Christmas party becomes a bright spot, thanks to Hermione Granger. Complete.

Entangled by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse No doubt, she'd been showing off obscure spells she found in the archives, again. Apparently, she did that whilst drunk. Hermione never yet had any memory of it. / SS/HG HEA...Always :)

Time Immemorial by FawkesyLady Hermione loses it after the Battle of Hogwarts. Unfortunately, she still had that time turner and she uses it, sending her back in time, a mystery for the denizens of Hogwarts, circa 1976. OC's are important. Please note, chapters 21-26 could be considered crossovers with JRR Tolkien's Return of the King. In for long haul, y'all. Nominee for Marauder's Medal 2018, Best WIP.

The Offer of Just One More by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse The feeling in her chest twisted. Tightened. Ronald Weasley didn't want children. SS/HG HEA...Always :) This one's a slow burn.

Time's Hammer by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse She was about to break the time stream. Not just break it, but take a bloody hammer to it. SS/HG HEA...Always :)

Clash of the Conjurers by llorolalluvia In a world where the mere flap of a butterfly's wing can cause a hurricane on the other side of the globe, can one simple glance save a man's life? When Hermione and her professor are forced together against their will, can they overcome their differences, find order amidst the chaos, and save the Wizarding World? not Cannon compliant. Rated M for sexuality and violence. DUBCON!

Turned Over by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse Severus Snape inherited Hermione Granger at three o'clock on a rain-soaked Saturday morning in March. SS/HG HEA...Always :) COMPLETE

One Step Forward, Two Decades Back by corvusdraconis AU/AO: [HG/SS] What-if Story. Hermione Granger gets erased due to a badly phrased, vague, and bitter wish. She is Hermione Granger no more. Now, thanks to Ron, she is Hermione Ankaa Black, sister of Sirius & Regulus Black, & member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Now what is she going to do? Multiple pairings in later chapters, and JP starts out as a rampaging jerk.

Absinthe by Aurette A dark deed on a dark night sends two lives spinning out of control. To forge a future, both must confront their pasts. AU, EWE, SS/HG, HEA

The Love You Take by Subversa Hermione is cursed by the Death Eaters, and Dumbledore believes Professor Snape is the only one who can help her and keep her safe. Hermione is 18 years old in this story, but she is still a student.

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cavalierious-whim · 3 years

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Two’s a Crowd (FE3H)

Felannie | Canon-Compliant | War Phase | Teen | Complete There’s only one horse. Felix will take on one hundred crest beasts alone if it means avoiding this.

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A/N: This was a Secret Santa give and I was asked to write ‘There was only one Horse’. Read here on AO3 for better quality! Also, I’m on Twitter!

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While Felix has never been one to follow the rules, he now understands why Byleth is so reluctant to let them roam outside the gates of Garreg Mach freely.

Sure, they’re adults and they can make their own dumb decisions. Still, it’s wartime; there are crest beasts and ample opportunity to be stupid enough to get yourself into a pickle.

Felix frowns. Annette’s colorful words, not his.

Byleth often turns a blind eye to the odd training session outside the Monastery, especially when it comes to Felix. Byleth knows that Felix can handle himself when it comes down to it, and while the Professor’s expression is prone to permanent frowning, he’s never said no. Not outright.

It’s more like carefully placed and unasked advice that he knows Felix won’t ever listen to but can claim to have given all the same.

“Just in case you find yourself gored,” said Byleth one dreary afternoon. “I’ll have the chance to say ‘I told you so’.”

So far, Byleth has been denied the pleasure because Felix is a slippery bastard; far too stubborn to die. And, as it turns out, he’s not the only stubborn person in the world, which brings him to his current problem:

Annette crashes through the underbrush alongside him, sagging with weariness and covered head to toe in mud and Goddess knows what else. It’s exactly Felix’s luck that she’s the one to sneak out after him because her curious little nose got the best of her.

At least it’s a cute nose.

“It just had to be a crest beast,” says Annette, mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. That’s cute on her too.

“It had to be two,” amends Felix. He’s never had any luck with anything, least of all women, so he doesn’t know why he insists on longing for Annette. Then, he suddenly remembers something else, smacking his hand against his forehead. “Ingrid is going to kill us.”

A long moment stretches between the two of them as they stand there in the woods looking at each other.

“We’ve lost horses before,” says Annette. Sure, they’ve lost horses, but never a Fraldairan Marsh Tucky. And its accompanying mare because, naturally, that was the horse Annette picked. Ingrid’s captious about her thoroughbreds and she’d brought those from Galatea personally. Felix pauses in his step, leveling Annette with a tired stare, to which she sighs in response. “Okay, yeah, she’s going to kill us.”

Annette is lucky that Felix likes her. More than likes her. Kind-of maybe loves her, not that he’s the confessing kind. But, all her goofy songs and eternal optimism in the world won’t save him from Ingrid’s wrath, Mercedes’s clipped threats for endangering Annie, or Byleth’s contempt for attracting her attention by merely existing.

Byleth’s a bit of a stick in the mud when it comes to intra-army romance.

Annette’s mouth then tips into a tiny little smile and Felix wonders if it’s a bad thing that he likes the idea she’d followed him. She’d said that it was dumb of him to go it alone and that she’d been worried. The only person that worries about him nowadays is Sylvain, and it’s entirely unwarranted, unwanted, and suffocating in every way possible. The change is, admittedly, nice.

“There’s a village this direction,” says Felix, pointing to the west. “They’ve got a decent inn with tolerable food, and a stable with likely a few horses for sale.”

“Do we have the coin?” asks Annette.

“We’ll manage,” says Felix, thankful that he’d brought his purse with him that day. He doesn’t always, so maybe he’s luckier than he’d thought. His gaze slides back to Annette who watches him with interest, her eyebrows drawn up. “What?” he snaps, testily.

“Nothing,” says Annette, but judging by the sly little smirk on her face, it’s anything but. Felix doesn’t have the time to think about it anything further.

“We’re losing daylight,” says Felix. “We should get walking, otherwise Byleth will close the gates for the night.”

“He’d let us in,” says Annette.

“He won’t,” says Felix. He’d know, he’s camped outside the entrance before, punishment for making it back late. There’s a pause and then Annette laughs, causing Felix to scowl. Even if he likes the sound of it.

“He’d let me in, then,” says Annette.

Felix grumbles at that. “He probably would.” Annette smirks at him again and Felix rolls his eyes, but he’s only mildly irritated. Truly, Annette is lucky that she doesn’t incite his ire much. Felix wonders how this entire thing would go if it was literally anyone else stuck out here with him.

They’d probably have a sword through their neck already, or at least, be slightly maimed. Felix is in a maiming sort of mood. He and Annette head westward, slogging through the slick mud leftover from earlier rain.

“Hopefully, there won’t be any more beasts out here,” says Annette, and Felix whirls on her, pressing a finger against her lips. She blinks, surprised. But she doesn’t move away, if anything, she leans into the touch.

“Don’t!” hisses Felix.

“Don’t what?” she says against his finger, her breath warm against his skin.

“Say something like that. Don’t you know that’s exactly how it works?”

“What works?” asks Annette.

Felix groans, almost certain that she’s being obtuse on purpose because Annette’s the teasing sort. “It’s bad luck,” he says. “The moment you say something like that, it--”

There’s a deafening roar behind them that echoes through the trees. And then the woods fall deathly quiet. Annette swallows thickly, but to her credit, doesn’t pale or look scared. She’s a plucky little thing and that’s in part what Felix loves about her most. Annette isn’t one to back down, she seeks danger out. Case in point, trailing after him on her own.

Felix pulls his hand away from her.

“We’ve no choice,” says Annette. It’s not a question.

Felix draws his sword and readies a bolt of Thoron. “Might as well make it quick,” is all he says in return.

Annette answers with a resigned sigh.

Turns out, their luck is worse than anticipated, not that Felix is surprised. This entire trip has been working against him since before he left the Monastery.

“I have a bad feeling,” Byleth told him as he saddled up.

“Nonsense,” Felix said, annoyed at the Professor’s incessant mothering.

Felix is eating that word now, laying on his belly in the underbrush, slick with muck and worms. Annette shifts beside him, leaning closer.

“How long do we wait?” she asks.

“Until the damn beast is gone, obviously,” says Felix.

Annette’s eyes narrow at his tone. “This isn’t my fault.”

“You said the words,” says Felix. “You should never say the words.”

She huffs at that. “You’re the one that forgot a spare blade. Since when do you strap only one sword to your hip?” Then she pauses. “Also, what are the chances that it would just crack right down the middle--”

“The entire point of laying in this filth is to be quiet, Annette, and let the beast leave.”

Annette’s mouth snaps shut, but it’s not without an annoyed scowl shot in his direction. “You’re evil,” murmurs Annette, just loud enough for him to hear. Felix knows it’s absolutely on purpose. She’s got a mean streak in her at times, he’s just never been on the end of it.

The mud and foliage hide their smell, and eventually, the crest beast determines them to be a lost cause and saunters away. Felix reaches out to grab Annette’s wrist before she can get up. “Wait, just a little bit longer. It might come back.”

They lay there for longer than she wants, Felix can tell by her squirming, but Byleth’s words have been prophetic: it’s just one of those days. Finally, they rise. Annette looks down at her dress and cringes at the sight.

“I’ll have to burn this and get Mercie to make me a new one.”

“Mercedes has more important things to do than sew garments,” says Felix with an annoyed huff.

Annette narrows her eyes at him. “I’ll remind you that this is your fault.”

“I didn’t ask for you to sneak out after me.”

“You brought that upon yourself when you decided to go out on your own.”

Felix glowers. “Which I do, often.”

Annette shoots him a rival glare. “Because you have no sense of self-preservation. Honestly, Felix, I should have come with you sooner. How often are you so ill-prepared? How unlike you.”

Felix can’t deny that one; how unlike him indeed. “I’ve been distracted lately,” he finally says, and Annette’s face softens slightly. She thinks that he’s talking about the war, but that isn’t it actually, it’s more so the tight feeling in his chest that he gets when he looks at her. He’s taken to marking up trees in frustration, away from prying eyes in the training ground.

The dramatic irony of her blaming Felix isn’t lost on him.

“It’s going to get dark,” says Annette. Felix frowns. How astute and glaringly obvious. “And, according to you, Byleth will abandon you outside the gates.”

“Wouldn’t be a first,” gripes Felix.

“So,” starts Annette, rolling back on her heels slightly. Her hands are tucked neatly behind her, all manners despite looking like she crawled out of a sewer. “To the village then. We’ll get a room.”

Felix, who’d already turned around to head west, stops dead in his tracks. Then he closes his eyes. Then he pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Two rooms, he thinks. He can afford two rooms, he’s got enough gold for at least that.

When he looks back to Annette, she’s already beaming at him like she always does. Felix wants to roll his eyes, but he can’t. Instead, he wants to do something a little more drastic, like pull her in for a hug.

Which is ridiculous, because Felix doesn’t hug people.

“Felix?” asks Annette. “You’re staring.”

It takes everything in him not to wince. “Mud,” he says, dumbly. “And sticks. In your hair.”

Eloquent, Felix is not. Despite this, Annette takes the explanation in stride and their walk to the village isn’t so terrible considering.

“Say that again, but the answer better be different.”

The innkeeper swallows, his thick neck turning a little bit red. Felix threatens people often enough that he’s got it down to a science. Arms crossed over the chest, his foot tapping in annoyance. The worst scowl he can manage followed by a flash of steel.

He’s having to make do without that last one.

“We’ve only one room left,” says the Innkeeper.

It takes everything for Felix not to jump the desk and choke the man out.

“Felix,” says Annette, resting her hand against his arm. He doesn’t pull away and neither does she, her fingers curling into his quilted sleeve. “It isn’t his fault. The men out in the bar must be the reinforcements we’re waiting on.”

Felix massages his temple. Right, reinforcements; Byleth had told them all they were expecting another Magic Corps to show up. Just their luck. Or lack thereof. He looks to Annette, who looks back at him, large eyes framed attractively by delicate eyelashes.

Goddess above, he can’t do this.

“You’ll take the room,” says Felix, finally tugging his arm away from her grasp. “I’ll stay in the stable.”

“Absolutely not,” says Annette.

“There’s no room there, either,” says the innkeeper unwisely. Upon Felix’s dangerous glare, the man immediately adds: “I’ve got two stable boys who bunk there.” They would find the one inn that employs by way of food and shelter, and not coin.

The innkeeper takes a deep breath and then bravely says, “There are two beds. If that makes a difference.”

It does, but only barely. Felix eyes the man warily, but slaps down a handful of gold.

That’s when Annette does the unthinkable and says, “And a bath, please. And fresh clothes.”

Felix is going to sleep in a stall with a horse if that’s what it takes, because he cannot, cannot share a room with Annette if she’s intent on bathing. Annette doesn’t think about these kinds of things. She’s not a healer like Mercedes, but she does her share in the medical tents. She sees a body like she sees everything else; just as it is and nothing more.

When he finally meets her gaze, she’s looking at him expectantly. Her eyes flash to his coin purse and then back to the pile he’s left on the counter. Felix lets out a long-suffering sigh and slaps down a few more coins.

“For the bath. And the clothes,” he says tersely. All Annette does is smile widely, happiness practically beaming off of her and she looks utterly ridiculous, covered in the mess that she is.

The room isn’t large, but there are two beds as promised. The stableboys haul a bath inside and Annette has the forethought to direct them to place it behind the changing screen. Felix lets loose a breath. Small blessings and some actual luck, finally.

Annette sings as she bathes. Felix washes his face in the basin by the door and changes into the clothes they’ve been provided, before settling into one of the beds. The moment he hits the mattress, he realizes how weary he is. It’s been a long day of dodging crest beasts and avoiding pesky feelings.

“Felix,” calls Annette from behind the screen, “has Byleth actually left you outside the gate after coming back late.”

Felix snorts a laugh. “Once. The lesson was learned.”

Annette chuckles and then goes back to her made-up tune. “Oh, how I love to bathe. Wash away the icky bits, ‘cause being dirty is just the pits.”

It isn’t so much that her voice is good, it’s just nice. Calming. Sweet. Felix closes his eyes and listens, drifting off to the soft tune on her lips. Comforting when you think about it because Annette sings about the things that she loves.

He falls asleep before her song shifts, singing about a dark, handsome swordsman instead.

There’s only one horse.

It’s a curse, straight from one of those ridiculous romance novels that Sylvain pretends he doesn’t like to read. Felix will take on one hundred crest beasts alone if it means avoiding this.

Annette has the gall to look amused. “It’ll be fine, Felix,” is what she says.

It will be the exact opposite of fine because while Felix has been very good at keeping her an arm’s length away, that isn’t an option here.

Felix glares at the stablemaster who regards him with an apologetic look. The only reason Felix doesn’t gut him right then and there is because it isn’t his fault. The man isn’t responsible for the delay in new livestock, the rain had done that. Regrettably, because Felix very much wants to stab something. Anything.

His head falls back, cheeks to the sky, eyes slipping closed as he lets out a long, drawn-out groan. This is divine punishment, Felix thinks, because he’s too much of a coward to just tell the damn girl that he likes her.

Or loves her. But really, at this point, what difference does it matter?

Annette pulls herself up first, settling into the saddle with ease. Felix turns to drop gold into the stablemaster’s hand, who offers a small smile in return.

“If it’s any consolation--”

“It’s not,” Felix cuts in.

“-- I think that she likes you back.”

At that moment, Felix wishes that murder for entirely inane reasons is legal. But alas, it isn’t, and Byleth would be quite irate if Felix were to remove the head of this man. The Professor loathes cleaning up messes and Felix makes a lot of them. So, the stablemaster keeps his life.

Only because Felix is too lazy to think of a valid excuse, or cook up a proper plan.

He pulls himself up behind Annette and settles in easier than he thought possible. Annette’s tiny enough that it’s not as awkward as it could be. Felix slips his arms around her waist and she hands him the reins, and then they’re off at a small trot.

The horse is calm and moves along the road well. Annette leans back against Felix’s chest, humming a tune. Felix is relatively relaxed. The Goddess hasn’t set the world on fire just yet. Small blessings.

“This is nice,” says Annette.

Not how Felix would phrase it. He’s caught somewhere between ‘this is divine’ and ‘this is absolute hell’. He allows himself the former though, arms settling around her closer than he’d normally allow. His nose close enough to the crown of her head that he can smell the fresh soap she’d bathed with. He enjoys the way she fits against him.

Felix would say that Sylvain’s a saint for putting up with this on the regular, but it’d be a lie. Worse, Felix gets why it’s a lie because Annette in his arms feels nice, even if it’s on the back of a horse, and only because there isn’t another choice.

“Nice,” agrees Felix halfheartedly, when he remembers to reply.

“You know, one could even say romantic.”

“There’s nothing romantic about being forced to share a horse because the Magic Corps didn’t think to bring their own.”

Annette turns her head slightly to look back at him, lips quirked into an amused smile. “Not one bit?” she asks.

Felix looks down at her, frowning slightly. What on earth does that mean? And why is she so amused? “I said that it was nice.”

“Felix, you look like you ate some of Flayn’s cooking.”

“This is definitely preferable to that,” says Felix, meaning it.

Annette sits there, twisted awkwardly in front of him for a moment longer, watching him. Felix squirms slightly, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. Finally, she says, “I must admit, I’m at a loss.”

“For what?” asks Felix.

“Nothing,” says Annette. Felix frowns again because now she just isn't making sense. But then again, Annette often doesn’t make sense, it’s part of her charm.

The Monastery isn’t far from the village, barely an hour by horse. The rest of their ride passes without any issue. No crest beasts, no bandits, and miraculously, Felix doesn’t entirely combust after enduring close contact with Annette.

He’s decided to treasure the moment because it’s never happening again.

It’s no surprise that Byleth is waiting for them at the gate, their arrival having been spotted by a lookout and announced. The Professor looks calmly collected and not at all worried. Felix’s eyes narrow, instantly suspicious.

Felix drops from the horse first before reaching up and helping Annette down. She lands gracefully, her hands grasping Felix’s forearms. She doesn’t let go. Felix tries to pull away, but she holds tight, and damn, she has an impressively strong grip. She just looks at him, a soft little smile on her face.

“Annette,” says Felix, unsure how to continue.

“Felix,” replies Annette. “Thank you for taking care of me. You’re such a gentleman.”

Felix is anything but, and he’s about to tell her that when she finally let's go. Only to reach up and grab him by the face, fingers curling around his jaw. She yanks him down, none too gently.

And then, Annette’s kissing him, pressing her lips against his with careful precision. Felix is surprised but he doesn’t go entirely rigid. His hands slide up to grasp her cheeks and he kisses her back. It’s not sweet in its touch, but it’s not scorching either, somewhere middling of the two. Her hand snakes around the back of his neck to grip him possessively, pulling him closer.

Felix responds eagerly, his fingers slipping into her hair, tugging her face into a different angle to slot their mouths against each other better. Then, he parts his lips, intent on licking into her mouth--

There’s a cough from next to them and they break apart. Felix doesn’t look away from Annette whose cheeks are tinged pink. Annette looks to the side. “Byleth,” she greets coolly.

“Um,” starts Felix, but can’t think of words past that.

“I’m pleased to see that the two of you are okay,” Byleth deadpans.

Annette is looking at Felix again, and his gaze is still glued to hers, unsure what’s just happened, still trying to process the kiss. That she’d started. That she’d enthusiastically responded too. That she seemed annoyed to have been interrupted in the midst of. The stuff of dreams, really, specifically his dreams, and more often than he’d like to admit.

Felix’s brain is having a hard time comprehending.

“As I said, Felix took fantastic care of me,” says Annette kindly. Then, she reaches up and brushes Felix’s bangs away from his forehead.

“I’d prefer it if the two of you would continue taking care of yourselves within the gate.” Byleth pauses. “And after the meeting. We have things to discuss.”

The mention of a war council breaks the spell that’d fallen over Felix. He can feel his skin burning bright red in embarrassment, and worst of all, Annette looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

And she’s holding his hand. He hadn’t noticed her grabbing it.

“When I was singing about the dark, handsome swordsman, who’d you think I was imagining?” asks Annette, words quiet enough for only Felix to hear.

“When you were singing about what?”

Annette pouts. “Oh darn, so you were asleep then. I’d hoped you weren’t.”

“Annette, what on earth--”

“Later,” says Annette. “Mostly because Byleth is giving you the stink eye, and I think it’s because we’ve delayed his carefully planned schedule.”

One look at the Professor proves her right. Felix clears his throat and takes several steps away, before grabbing the reins of the horse. “Right, then. I’ll just handle this. The horse, I mean.”

“I’ll see you in the war room,” says Annette, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet.

Felix decides that he doesn’t hate the light-hearted, flabbergasted feeling that’s floating through him. He also knows that the moment he regains his wits abashment will hit him full force because he’d practically eaten Annette’s face off in front of half the Monastery guard.

And Byleth.

So, Felix properly excuses himself in favor of stabling their new horse and perhaps locking himself away forever out of embarrassment.

If he’d stayed just a moment longer, he’d have seen Annette flash Byleth a conspiratorial wink as she passes him by. And how Byleth smiles slyly in return, tapping at his nose like he’s keeping a secret.

#felannie #felix x annette #felix hugo fraldarius #annette fantine dominic #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem fanfiction

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seungnoir · 3 years

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My Current top 10 favorite Miraculous Ladybug Episodes and why (+analysis)

1. timetagger - the amount of possibilities this brings to the plot and insight is so fun. also, it’s one of the few things of writing and planning i appreciate in this series because it was hinted in the very beginning of s1 that alix’s watch was a miraculous, but now we get to see that connection. Seeing things that were hinted long ago end up having substance makes it more interesting. Also, I do thoroughly Alix as a character and loved to see her and see that she will have a bigger role in the future. This episode alone leads to so many theories and things that can be analyzed and makes it so fun - such as the idea that there is someone (besides master fu) that knows about their identities, and even further, about what happens in the future. The idea of a new hawk moth also comes to play. The akumatized villain from the future proves that there is a hawk moth in the future, but that it isn’t gabriel agreste. This brings into question of what happened to Gabriel and the current Hawk Moth? How did someone else of ill-intention end up the miraculous after hawk moth? Who is this new Hawk Moth? This brings so many theories and possibilities to where the show is heading. We also see chat noir and ladybug do still exist in the future as adults. We can only wonder and theorize about how theyve developed between present and future, though. Another small detail at the end that was interesting is i’m pretty sure chat broke the fourth wall?? At the end of the episode, chat is talking to ladybug and about what alix said about the future as they walk away, and started saying “maybe in the future you might even agree to see a movie with me. Hey, what if it was in the very near future? Like, the next show...”

2. sandboy - there are many reasons i enjoy this episode. first, i love the kwamis and i love learning more about them and having some focus on them. We learned more about background and history of the kwamis as well as see more than we had before. In addition, I think it brought good development to character, particularly for adrien/chat noir. Marinette’s and ladybug’s biggest nightmares weren’t too much of a surprise, and neither was adrien and chat noir’s when you think about it but foes bring more insight to him as a character and helps set up ideas for his character and things later. As adrien, his biggest nightmare was being trapped and cornered, obviously a result of how he’s treated by his father. While adrien tends to always seem chill and nice around people and like everything’s always fine, it shows there’s more we don’t see. Then, as chat noir, his biggest nightmare was that ladybug hated him. It was important to show how much chat noir really cares about his relationship with her, and not just romantically. It shows us this not only as a watcher, but so that ladybug sees too. This sets up well for the ny special, where ladybug gets upset with chat and says she can’t trust him. While not exactly like his nightmare where she despises him, it is parallel to his literal biggest nightmare and shows why he reacted the way he did and shows just how much ladybug saying that would affect him. I also very thoroughly enjoy the moment where adrien sees the sock plagg left when he sneaked out and he went “Plagg! who turned you into a sock!” i think i find it funnier than i should.

3. heroes day p2 - not to be a ladynoir stan but that’s a big reason i enjoy this episode. When the other heroes they recruited fall, Ladybug gets worried and begins to lose hope. This isn’t very common for her, but it shows she’s not some perfect hero, she has times where she has doubts. However, chat noir was right there for her. He was able to encourage her and get her back into the spirit. I think this is important to show their relationship without thinking about it in a romantic way. It shows chat noirs full trust in ladybug, and how even if ladybug doesn’t always express it, it shows how she does appreciate and trust chat noir and that he is able to help her when she’s down, it’s a balance. Also, when chat noir is encouraging ladybug, one thing he says “let’s go back to what always worked - you and me against the world, m’lady.” In my eyes, this reinforces the “soulmate” idea and the importance of the two. Don’t get me wrong, I love the other heroes and miraculouses being used, and maybe its just me, but I think it’s important that despite the other heroes being helpful, chat noir and ladybug are the core, and that reinforces that. Also I honestly love that adrien was detransformed at the time of saying that line. In addition to ladynoir, there’s the plot and villain progression of hawk moth and nathalie, which sparks the plot to really start picking up after this event.

4. reverser - I love marc a lot, i relate to his character a lot so i enjoyed having him and I wish we had more outside of this episode. There are also other fun characters we get to see that we don’t see as much (Alex and nathaniel). I also like the akumartizaion set up, i think it’s a very realistic situation in which misunderstanding takes over and there’s no specific person to blame, and i appreciate the demonstration of that. Not to be a chat noir stan, but him being a “scaredy cat” after getting hit by the reverser was so cute and funny and i enjoyed that. Again, back to the other characters, as i mentioned before i like alix a lot. i enjoyed her mocking chloe in the episode and then not caring when the teacher tried to say she should be nice. and then i liked the moment she scared chat noir. and then i enjoyed seeing her role in helping the duo in defeating reverser. also, there was a moment on the beginning of the episode where adrien teased marinette and any moment where adriens chat noir side comes out is my favorite. in conclusion, i love seeing the characters we see in this episode and chat noir was cute.

5. puppeteer 2 - as much as the wax statue scene gives me the worst second hand embarrassment of my entire life, the episode gave us a clearer insight to adriens perspective on his relation with marinette, which i enjoyed, and made me like him as a character even more. while i love a good “she’s just a friend” joke, it is confirmed in this episode he’s genuinely oblivious - which he shouldn’t be perceived as dumb for. social cues are harder for some people and can cause problems but it’s not smth people can help, we also have to remember he has very limited experience with people. anyway, it gives us that insight and i believe it’s important. he even expressed acknowledgment of how he doesn’t pick these things up sometimes. so he interpreted marinettes reaction wrong, and he believed marinette even didn’t like him. it distressed him so much to think that was the case. this was the insight we needed to see how adrien perceives their relationship and how much it really developed. even if he doesn’t have a crush on her, it introduces the idea that he still genuinely cares about her and having a relationship with her - parallel to us seeing ladybug see that with chat, which i believe is very important for the development of lovesquare and the plot. not to mention the frusturation of dramatic irony at the end when adrien, seemingly for the first time we’ve seen him as adrien, mention to someone else how he DOES love someone. while painful for marinette, i do think it’s interested because i don’t even think he’s mentioned the fact he loves someone to nino, showing how he still considers marinette as someone he can be close too.

6. ikari gozen - I love Kagami and I appreciated this kind of redemption arc. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her at first, but after this episode she’s one of the most relatable characters, personally. In turn, it also helps Marinette learn a good lesson. So yeah, the main reason i enjoy this episode is Kagami’s character development and her character. Ryuko is also so cool.

7. kwamibuster - i mentioned this before but i love the kwamis a lot and i love getting to see them in episodes. in this episode we got to see not only interactions between plagg and tikki, but get a chance to meet other kwamis and see their miraculous jewelry and some of their abilities. we also see that marinette and adrien are not incapable of connecting dots, realizing both plagg and tikki were in the same school. however, plagg and tikki try to reason them out of it and they both did things to throw the other of their track, so they didn’t keep their theories - but it does show they’re not Completely Oblivious.

8. troublemaker - there’s a lot of small things and moments that make me appreciate this episode rather than one big thing. to start, i enjoy penny’s character a lot and this is one the few episodes we really get to see her and the only one where we get focus on her. in addition, she was a good villain and arguably the closest a villain got to taking ladybug’s miraculous, taking an earring. then theres marinettes adrien photo collection being exposed, and adriens facial expressions in reaction to it made me laugh. and then of course, the scene following the fight, adrien talks to marinette. one noticeable thing is that marinette didnt stutter as much as she had and got out full thoughts. good for her ! and it shows that she is slowly beginning to be more comfortable with him. then of course, adrien. he starts by asking if she was okay since the fight happened at her house (even though he was literally there and knows damn well marinette wasn’t even there, kinda anyway). and then, as i mentioned before, my favorite thing ever is adriens chat noir side coming out, which is exactly what happened. he teased marinette for the photos, both asking if she was lying and then the “even in the most unlikely places” line. the thing about this is that this is something we barely see happen with adrien as adrien, yet it happened with marinette, which shows he’s comfortable enough with her to do that. and then of course the sincere moment of him saying he’s glad she’s her fan, he’s just so sweet good for him i love him.

9. origins - a classic. provides us background we needed on how things start and characters meant. there’s so much things to take from origins about their characters and the story in general. for one, marinette not even wanting to be ladybug. i feel this fit her character and was more realistic than if she accepted it right away. and then her being a bit of a mess the first time and not even capturing the akuma. i think that was important; to show ladybug and marinette are not perfect, but that’s what makes her a better and more relatable character. it wouldn’t be fun if she were perfect from the beginning. and then chat noir, who was a lot less reluctant. in contrast to marinette. he had been isolated his whole life and forced to try to fit a perfect mold. this gave him not only physical freedom he always desired but also the personal freedom to be able to be who he wanted. it of course also shows the balance of the two heroes. ladybug was nervous and had no hope at the beginning, but was able to get though with chat noirs encouragement - which is something that comes up every so often, but shows their balance and dynamic. and then of course . the umbrella scene. one of the most iconic moments, and also one thing i’ve noted is that we barely ever seeadrien laugh like he did in that scene, and it makes me treasure that moment more. and despite the whole “she’s just a friend” thing, it was important in that moment and you can see how important it is to him that he has a friend, and probably establishes the trust and appreciation for marinette we see as the show progresses as she was very important to him being kind of his first friend and that it holds a different kind of importance to him.

10. glaciator - an iconic episode of course. while marichat is probably my least favorite in terms of love square ships, i think marichat moments are some of the best. i think it’s where the two are more showing themselves to each other than in any other way. chat gets to see truly marinette in which she isn’t a nervous mess and is actually acting like herself, and marinette gets to see chat has more to him than she saw previously as ladybug. with his constant flirting and joking with her, it seemed that she interpreted this as this is just his personality and it didn’t mean much, that maybe he acted the same with anyone. but with the interactions of this episode, she learns that’s not the case, he genuinely and truly loves and cares and about ladybug, it was more than just joking around. this realization is big for marinette and she even comments that she misjudged him. this episode allows eachother to rlly learn more about eachother. and then it helps ladybug be honest. she’s completely honest with chat after that, saying there’s someone else and she doesn’t want to lead him on, but that sets the stage for them to still grow on their platonic relationship, which is still important. ladybug for the seemingly first time directly tells chat how he’s important to her, and chat admits that his friendship with her is the most important thing to him, showing us more about adrien/chats character, as well as demonstrates despite his love for ladybug the platonic relationship still holds great importance with seems to contrast how marinette views adrien at this moment.

honorable mentions:

reflekdoll - this was almost in the top 10 but i changed it last minute. i appreciate learning more about juleka and hope we get more to grown on that later. and not to be an adrien stan but he looked really pretty with his outfit for marinettes shoot. one thing i feel is also important to notice is how easily he was willing to take off his miraculous for the sake of marinettes shoot. he didn’t even really hesitate? that wasn’t really surprising for marinette to do, but for adrien it again represents a small thing that shows he really appreciates and cares about her (whether it’s romantic or not). the concept of them switching miraculouses were also fun, and seeing a little bit of tikki and plagg interactions again. the reason that it didn’t end up in the top 10 was because i think the execution of their miraculous switch should’ve been done much better. i feel like the writing made chat look dumber than he is and made ladybug look more bossy than she is. while i feel part of this was meant to demonstrate they’re truly made for their own miraculous, it could’ve been demonstrated without making the character look worse.

startrain - i don’t mean to be basic but the adrinette in this episode was super cute. however that’s not the only reason this episode stood out. hawk moth rlly sent his own son into space, u know as one does. and then the irony of him saying “how ironic i have to depend on my enemies (ladybug and chat noir) to save my son” like if you think that’s ironic then… but anyway . i also enjoyed seeing more max in the episode. his transformation is fun and i think we deserved a max based episode where he (or markov) didn’t have to get akumatized. also i feel like in the beginning of the episode, i like how adrien flat out decided to go to london without even asking his dad. i think he’s slowly stopping to care so much about his fathers rules and realizing what he needs for himself and this shows that.

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autumnblogs · 3 years

Text

Day 74: The Ultimate Weapon and the Ultimate Self

https://homestuck.com/story/7786

The Dramatic Irony is so thick you could cut it with a fucking knife. Her Heroism, and need to be the one who defeats the most powerful enemy there is is pretty much exactly the same here as it was when she was going to go off and fight Jack - her perception of herself as having grown is almost nakedly false.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/7788

There’s something poetic about the fact that the final emotional confrontation in the comic is between Vriska and Vriska. The center of attention, Homestuck’s Model Hero - for (Vriska)’s arc to be complete, she has to be confronted not just with someone like Aranea - she has to understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of her own wrath to be able to really empathize completely with the people that she’s hurt.

And for Vriska, renouncing this version of her - a version of her who could conceivably happy - so viciously tearing into her - means renouncing the possibility of actually living for the people she loves, instead of going off to die for them.

Someone has to go defeat Lord English, I suppose; that’s his curse. Couldn’t have happened to be a nicer person.

https://homestuck.com/story/7795

Meenah is too restless a person to spend her life in peace and satisfaction, and I think it’s something she’s aware of. She’s just not that kind of person. I think it gives us a lot of insight in the Condesce to view her as the kind of person who has spent enough time with herself to make that recognition and internalize it completely to the point that it probably doesn’t bother her any more.

She’s the kind of person who wants to get shit done, and fuck shit up, and as much as she might have all kinds of sentimental feelings for people like Jane and the Psionic, at the end of the day, she doesn’t have the wherewithal to stop being who she is right now. She isn’t prepared to do what it takes to change, and she never was.

What Meenah and Vriska have largely always had in common is that they are committed to a vision of themselves, living up to a kind of Heroic possible version of themselves - not Heroic necessarily in a moral sense, again - and they’re not willing to compromise that for anyone else.

https://homestuck.com/story/7810

deep, seconds-long inhale

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

https://homestuck.com/story/7836

This really helps to solidify that, for however much she has been pointed at the right enemies, Vriska is as cruel and evil as she’s ever been, at least in temperament if not necessarily in terms of principle.

https://homestuck.com/story/7857

While I enjoy this whole sequence in theory, in practice, I’ve always felt like Tavros is still very much the butt of this whole joke; particularly because of how rapidly he just ends up handing off the huge ghost army he built to Vriska and Meenah.

I do think that for what it’s worth, it’s probably the actual follow-up on the bit of foreshadowing with Casey and their dead army.

https://homestuck.com/story/7870

They deserve each other.

https://homestuck.com/story/7895

Jasprose - Rose Lalonde, really - manages to finally put on the table this sense of alienation that has plagued her throughout the entire story - sums up the paranoia and pessimism, slowly replaced as they are by a desire to have someone to hold.

Rose is estranged.

https://homestuck.com/story/7898

The absolute pile of ways that Lord English can be defeated by the end of Homestuck really makes me feel like a lot of them are ultimately rendered silly and moot - y’know like, there’s just so much excess, any of them alone, or even a handful of them probably could have done the trick - but why all of them?

It makes many of the sacrifices feel unnecessary; and I have a secret impression that ultimately, just by his very nature, English could have been destroyed without assistance - the Dead Cherub seems perfectly capable of doing him in on her own.

https://homestuck.com/story/7917

I think one of Dirk’s biggest problems in general is that he always feels compelled to push the envelope to the actual fucking limit; he’s not willing to start small and work upward. It would do him a lot of good to just have some minor easy projects, a way to accumulate experience, and with time, maybe wisdom.

Taking care of a little flock of pigeons would be good for him.

https://homestuck.com/story/7922

Becoming comfortable with your own body and your own needs is one of the most basic things you can understand about yourself, but for Dave - as with a lot of us - that understanding is another casualty of his general estrangement not only from other people, but from himself.

https://homestuck.com/story/7923

For these two cool dudes, the past is in the past as surely as it can be. Whatever ill vibes were between the two of them because of their past selves are gone now - they’re new people, and they can move forward and create something new as a result.

That’s forgiveness for you.

https://homestuck.com/story/7941

Poor Terezi. She’s so...

Afraid. So afraid of everyone. She can’t bear to be loved.

https://homestuck.com/story/7947

Not even really by herself.

https://homestuck.com/story/7959

Each and every one of these losers - losers of Paradox Space, those who didn’t make it to the end because of unlucky happenstance - they all count. They all matter. Each and every one of them contributes to the whole picture of who they are as a person.

And gracefully, it’s never too late for them to reconcile with each other - and to reconcile with themselves.

As long as you exist, it is not too late for reconciliation. But that’s no excuse to put it off to the end of all time.

If you’ll allow me a moment to moralize, if there’s someone you’re estranged from, who you want to be able to be around again, maybe don’t wait. If there’s a chance to make things right with them, it’s usually worth it.

https://homestuck.com/story/7975

Good old Spades Slick, lived as he died - futilely making a stand against someone invincible.

https://homestuck.com/story/8006

Davepetasprite gives us as close as possible to a full statement of the theme that Homestuck explores through all of its alternate self shenanigans.

https://homestuck.com/story/8032

This is a little parallel I missed before, between Aradia and Jade.

Now that she’s had a little pep talk from Davepetasprite, Jade’s conquest over sleep is parallel to Aradia’s conquest over death, and I think they both form a nice metaphor for surviving depression.

https://homestuck.com/story/8112

After action patch-up.

Everyone gets a chance to see the ones they love most at last, no more stakes.

https://homestuck.com/story/8126

The Prospitian Monarch can beat her swords to ploughshares at last.

https://homestuck.com/story/8127

As the kids enter their new universe, their entrance is as one with the defeat of Lord English.

As Vriska destroys Lord English, her destruction is as one with his destruction.

The end of Paradox Space is as one with a new beginning for all sentient beings.

And the end of Homestuck is as one with the beginning of a life for these kids where they are not confined by the solidified line of the narrative, and numerous possibilities are open to them.

Let’s hope they pick good ones.

I’ll see you tomorrow for some final words, and some previews of my next projects.

For now, Cam signing off, alive, and not alone.

#liveblogging #commentary

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emmyrosee · 4 years

Note

nooooooo 🥺🥺🥺 part 3 part 3 part 3 part 3 part 3 pretty pretty pretty pleeeeeeaaaaaase

part one/part two

tw; descriptions of a deep, unintentional cut and stitching

—-

It’s incredulous to you how hard this is.

How hard anything is at this point.

This was merely day one- no, hour, 12- and you can barely find it in your wiring to function.

The sun was still high in the sky as you finally worked up the courage to stand, though you’re not even sure how long you were stuck in your head for, standing there like a stature, mind stuck in a shrieking match as well as static with silence. It’s funny to you, how difficult this is, and as you shamble over to the sink, another torturous thought wracks against your skull.

Why did it affect you so much?

Why should it?

His loss, it’s not like anyone put a pistol to his head and made him go out with that woman.

Who was she?

Were there any intentions?

Why would he just talk for the sake of hearing himself talk?

Your thoughts are interrupted as a deep, sharp sting courses through you, resonating from your submerged palm. Shakily, you pull it out, the deep crimson water telling you everything you need to know before you see it.

The massive gash in your hand sends watered down droplets of blood everywhere, and as your heart rate increases, you sloppily wrap your hand in a dirty dish towel and scramble to the bathroom. The towel does nothing but sting even more,

“Motherfucking bowl,” you whisper, voice quivering from the shocking amount of blood, as well as the unbelievable sting impaling your hand. You have absolutely not a clue how to patch it up, let alone with using your opposite hand.

What was one more thing to ruin you? What was another thing to add to the list of stupid pieces of shit’s in your life? What was Axel being right about one more bull shit little thing before potentially driving out of your life forever?

What if Axel realizes he’s too good for you? He seems to think you’re the one too good to be with him, but you would argue the opposite, if he were here.

That’s not what’s important right now. You’re losing a lot of fucking blood, worry about Axel later.

If only he were here to patch it for you. Maybe he would even take you to the hospital for how bad it is.

Why the hospital? How bad is it?

Oh. It’s that bad. You need Axel.

You don’t need Axel, you just need help. You’d accept it from anyone-

But no one would be as gentle as Axel-

“SHUT UP!” You shriek suddenly. It’s the first time your brain goes fully silent, and around you, medicine bottles rattle at the intensity of your wail.

The silence howls in despair as you patch yourself up. There’s nothing. No voice in your head dare speak, no thought dare cross your mind. You could only work on patching your hand in a mediocre fashion, adding obscene amounts of gauze and band-aid layers to your skin.

It’ll have to do, you think to yourself, wordlessly grabbing your keys and a sweatshirt before storming out of your apocalyptic, empty house and to your car, not even bothering to lock the door.

———-

It only takes 2 rounds of knocking to make the skeletal-like man fill the door frames height with ease as he looked at you, looking even worse than he did this morning. You wonder if he’s done anything but hide in the small attached apartment, and judging by the pale, ill-looking tone to his skin, you know the answer.

“This is far from a forgivement,” you say firmly. “I don’t want you to think that this is what this is. Because god knows how long it’ll take for this shitty feeling to heal, and for god’s sake, this is not an excuse for your shitty behavior.”

“Yes,” Axel says plainly, eyes wide as he nods in agreement. “Absolutely. Yeah.” You’re unsure if he’s even listening to you, but at this point you don’t even care.

You sigh shakily, “But I hurt my hand really fucking bad and I can’t stitch it back; I can barely look-”

“What did you do?” He yells, voice pinched in worry. Blood’s already soaked through your less-than infallible layers of bandaging, and you angrily shake your head, “will you help me or not!”

He doesn’t say another word; he merely steps to the side and lets you in his office, where he keeps loads and piles of medical equipment. You wonder what OSHA would say about how yes, he has all the materials, they’re just not easily accessible.

If it were any other scenario, you would tease him for it.

The rest of it is a blur; you wonder if your mind just shut off because of the high;y unpleasant burn of the alcohol on your hand, only to then snap back as he wraps an ace bandage around it. You can’t help but watch him as he stays concentrated on your hand; your heart aches as it knows that no one will ever be as gentle, take as good of care of you no matter the scenario, as Alexander Cluney.

“I’d go to the doctor’s tomorrow,” he mumbles, not looking up. “Make sure the stitching is effective or if there are any antibiotics that you’ll need from the towel.”

“I’m sure it just stung because of how open it was.”

“Can never be too sure,” he says flatly. Finally, he looks up at you and sighs, and you finally get a good glimpse of his eyes, exhausted and red. They’re swollen, sunken, he looks like he’s moments away from passing out. He doesn’t look good.

But given the circumstances, you can’t imagine you look like a prize yourself.

You can see it in his face that he’s holding back himself. Wants to smother you in kisses and pull you in for a spine-cracking hug, he wants to make this better. But he’s holding back, giving you control over the situation.

“Are you hungry?” He asks softly. “I was about to whip something up when you came so… you’re welcome to stay, if you’d like.”

You nod, picking at the skin of your lips. The last thing you ate was the bowl of cereal, and your hand throbs at the memory. Shamefully, you twist your arm to nudge your sleeve down, covering the newly stitched wound.

Copying your nod, he steps to the side to allow you his garage, and you slowly pass the threshold of it. It looks the cleanest you’ve ever seen it, cars washed and waxed, the windows spotless and the concrete two different colors, assumed to be from when he stopped sweeping to answer your knocks. In the corner, his mustang, half covered with a tarp; what you can see is smashed, the bumper hanging limply with the hood dented in random patches.

“What.. happened?” You ask, pointing to the demolished vehicle.

Axel sighs, “ya know, I couldn’t tell you. Drove it here, picked up a hood prop to work on it and then suddenly the hood prop was in my hand and she was destroyed.”

You can’t help the giggle that bubbles from your throat. You know it’s a dick move, and that the mustang was the most precious object to him, but you can’t help the giggle of irony that works past your lips. You cover your lips quickly and look at him with wide eyes, but his eyes hold no anger or offense.

Joy, if anything. Joy at hearing your giggle.

“I’m so sorry,” you say behind your palm. “That was not fair of me.”

“No no,” he protests, scratching his beard. “I deserve it, it’s fine.” He sighs and leans against the front desk. “Probably going to scrap ‘er, anyways.”

“But that’s your baby,” you say, pouting your bottom lip out playfully.

“Not my only baby,” he says. From your peripheral, you can see his green eyes fixed on you, sending a shrill down your spine.

“What’s for dinner?”

Silence and crappy game shows on TV seem to be the most comforting soundtrack over your shared dinner of mac n cheese and Pringles, with a dessert of a 3 Musketeers for dessert. He doesn’t dare say a word, though his eyes seldom leave you. Yours, however, stay focused on the small TV propped in his office, desperate to stay glued to Alex Trebek in the third consecutive episode of Jeopardy that plays.

Axel finally sighs, “you still hun-”

“You honestly didn’t think me seeing you with that woman would upset me?” You ask numbly. You voice doesn’t even break. Your eyes refuse to hold tears.

You just want answers.

Clearing his throat, “so you’re not still hungry?”

“Answer me.”

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Me either,” you assure. “I just feel like if we have any chance to salvage this, all cards need to be laid. All questions asked.”

“I didn’t expect you to see me with her,” he says flatly.

“Who is she?”

“Charlie’s uncle’s whore. Prissy little asshole; always used to things going her way. So when it came down to me telling her that not only was I not going to be fixing her car but I wasn’t going to pay to get her a new one, I had to be charming.”

“That’s your excuse?”

“It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth. I told you this morning, I couldn’t give you this super dramatic reveal because that’s all that happened. The touching, the flirting, that was all her; I didn’t do anything because it wasn’t you. I don’t want to act like that with anyone else.”

“So why didn’t you just tell me?”

Axel quirks a brow before smirking, “oh yeah, that would’ve ended so much better; ‘Hey baby, gotta go out to a meeting for work- With who? Just Charlie’s uncle’s sugar baby- why yes, I do know that I look like an absolute fuckhead, it’s part of her aesthetic- oh, I’m also taking the Mustang because she won’t like me if she sees me roll up in my Chevy- I have no idea why, this is just the plan Charlie’s uncle gave me- oh, don’t text me either, she might flirt with me to help the deal progress and I need to pretend I’m interested.’”

“I would’ve listened,” you mumble, cheeks heating up as you hide your creeping smile.

“I’ll bet,” he teases, laughing.

Silence fills the room again, although it doesn’t howl in agony against your ears like it did every other time; it’s airy, light, and you physically feel your shoulders ease up at the confession.

After four more episodes, Alex Trebek finally becomes shitty infomercials, and at the sudden switch, Axel stretches and yawns.

“It’s really late; want me to drive you home?”

“I’m a big girl,” you remind him. “I can drive myself.”

Axel chuckles and holds his hands up in defense, “I’m just trying to be polite. Can you just.. text me when you get home then?”

Fiddling with the lint on your sleeves, you avoid his gaze as you shrug. “I can’t spend the night?”

He merely smiles.

——-

“You stay on your side,” you demand, tucking your hair in your hood as he finishes making the small bed in his apartment. It hadn’t been used in years, and it smells stale and thick. Car show memorabilia, broken tools, a pile of cd’s, everything that Axel once held true to him before he met you is in this apartment, it’s like a part of history you find beyond fascinating.

“Hate to break it to you, but I’m a big guy,” he smooths out the sheets as he stands up, eyebrows raised in amusement. “I took up this whole bed two years ago, I’m willing to bet there’s even less to the ‘sides’ now.”

Teasingly, you stick your tongue out at him, only to yelp and hide it back as he reaches out to pinch it.

“Freak,” you mumble affectionately. He waggles his eyebrows at you, and as you reach across the bed to swat at him, your sleeve slips, revealing your heavy injury.

“You ever going to tell me what happened to your paw?” He asks, sliding off his shirt and stripping down to his briefs. You cross your arms and grip your biceps, avoiding his gaze. He snickers, “did you cut yourself on the bowl?”

“Shut the fuck up,” you grumble, though the smile on your face betrays you. He chuckles, “if you seriously want to get it checked out tomorrow, we can do that.”

You hate how much his use of “we” makes your heart flutter. You hate how much better everything feels, back into place almost. What happened happened, and there was nothing to change it. All you could do is slowly mold everything back into place.

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling sleepily. “That’s fine.”

“Come on,” he hums, easing himself in the too-small bed. “I’m fucking tired.”

“You’re tired,” you snort, crawling in after him. You both can’t help but laugh at the arrangement on the bed, causing you to have half of your body on top of his in order to fit almost well enough, and you really, really hate how good it feels to be so close to him.

“Little miss Stay-On-Your-Side,” he teases, resting a massive hand on your hip.

You huff in annoyance, “I will leave this bed and sleep on the couch if you don’t shut up.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” he says sleepily, tightening his hold on you.

The same light, airy silence fills the air again, and next to you, Axel’s breathing slowly evens out, and you can’t help but stare at him. He just looks so at peace, so much stronger and better since this he opened the door to you a few hours ago.

He always did call you his perfect remedy.

“Quit staring at me, freak,” he mumbles sleepily. You laugh and shove his chest weakly, drawing shapes on his chest absentmindedly.

“Axel…”

“Yeah baby?”

“I missed you…”

Without missing a beat, he leans over to kiss your head, “I missed you too, pumpkin. More than you could ever know.”

“We’re gonna be okay?”

“We’re gonna be okay, babydoll,” he assures. A small smile cracks over his face again, “now do me a favor and go the fuck to sleep, nerd.”

-----

Tagging (last time I swear don’t hate me)

@gothguitargal @madamaholmes @walkxthexmoon @billofourtime @kathryn-jane @dreamtherapy @jadelynlace @multi-fan-lover @shenevertricks1831 @tabseus @dragsraksllib @hecohansen31

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void-tiger · 3 years

Text

Tagged by @curiosity-killed (thanks for the tag!!)

roses or daisies:

DAISIES!!! They’re so simple and cheery have just as many colors and look delicate but are actually really tenacious? Also, how charming is Day’s Eye (and asters in general having the habit of facing eachother if they’re not turned towards the light--I think I have a picture of dahlias doing this from last autumn--and like. Star Flower. Okay, I’ll shut up now xD )

classical or lofi:

...okay so I admit I had to look this one up. But easily some of my favorite tracks are those Hidden Ones that bands plop onto their albums to fill up leftover space, but are often basically just scrapped recording or practice sessions? The bloopers and their creative process, basically. Cut to me googling and youtubing it and finding hiphop lofi and...yeah! Definitely Lofi.

(Classical vs OST and Modern Classical (that’s composed to be a lot more cinematic) just...really puts me on edge. It’s too mathematical...to put it nicely.)

So...yeah. Slow beats and something that sounds experimental or like a jamming session? It’s soothing and kinda ideal for background noise.

sunrises or sunsets:

Sunset. One, never ever gonna be a “morning person”. Forget it. Two, sunsets often have more dramatic colors and still make the landscape glow and you get to see stars peeping out vs fading. Also, y’know. I’m actually awake to appreciate it vs groggy and legit physically ill.

honey or lemon:

Honey as a condiment. Lemon for sweets flavor. (Baklava’s probably the exception...then again I haven’t had that many honey-flavored sweets, I guess? But Lemon-Poppyseed?? Definitely one of my favorites,)

coffee or tea:

Coffee. I adore tea service aesthetics and will someday probably collect them (especially the really quirky or earthen or blownglass ones vs the froufrou european ones)...buuuut, I just haven’t really had A Good Cuppa Tea much at all. There was this spiced tea I’ve had in Jordan that was AMAZING and I do like greentea (with...A LOT of sugar or honey...) but. I’ve just never really had tea. My family’s coffee drinkers, so the smell of coffee is nostalgic. (And yes, I’m basic enough that I prefer flavored, sweetened creamers; and my coffee brewed or spiced with, like, cinnamon and nutmeg, too. Or as a mocha.)

...I also have a Bad Habit of abandoning my Herbal “Teas” with the bags either left steeping too long (I have gotten better at using a timer) or while waiting for them to cool. And while I’d just really love it for Uncle Iroh to make me tea (provided he doesn’t get on my case about wanting sugar and maybe cream), the Times and Temperatures are just so dang fussy!! I...don’t think I have the patience for that.

enemies to lovers or friends to lovers:

Friends to Lovers. I just...don’t Get It with the sexual tension~ that seems to be the driving force behind enemies to lovers...I guess?? (That, and unless it’s literally on a battlefield, HARD PASS. I’ve had people try to blow off my complaints about getting repeatedly tormented as “he liiiiiikes you~” bullshit to ever be comfortable with it as anything but Legit Two Sides Of A Battle/Political Conflict. Sorry.)

But, Friends to Lovers? That Bond. And then the ...Oh. The domesticity and trust and safety. Also it is RIPE for Idiots to Lovers mutual pining xD

(bonus points if both parties decide ahead of time, “hey. even if dating doesn’t work out I still value your friendship in my life, so no pressure about ‘ruining things,’“ And then, of course, it does work out and there was nothing to be anxious about, after all.)

rainy days or sunny days:

...cop out but, overcast days with Soft Sunlight and Cloudbreaks?? I do like a clear skies sunny day, but, my eyes are also so sensitive to light that it can be painful. Rainy days can be soothing...but the rain has to be A Certain Way. Too heavy and with too much wind behind it and it can get me anxious. (My childhood home had Every Rain is Severe Weather...with no place to shelter. It’s gonna take awhile before i can appreciate it like i’d want.)

jupiter or mars:

Jupiter. GIANT. DEADLY. MARBLE (that wants to eeeaaat meeeee...) Also Pluto, and the jovian moons.

aphrodite or athena:

Athena!! She’s an ace icon, aight?? And also strikes me as...very, very Tired with everyone’s bullshit. Also...all the greek gods are kinda assholes. So. Yeah. She ain’t perfect and her characterization’s at the mercy of whatever myth in question, but generally she strikes me as practical and sensible and having Mercy...sometimes. As much as that group is capable of it, anyway...

rome or greece:

...probably Ancient Rome as a “ancient culture to explore but a YIKES (but. so is ancient greece.)” But visiting IRL in the present? Greece.

sun or moon:

Moon. I appreciate what the sun does and I do like feeling sunlight and all that...but, I’m also a night person. And I can look at the moon without risk of blindness and admire its corona and that rainbow corona you can see just a bit further out if you know where and how to look. BUT. The moon easily loses out to a starfield, especially if the light pollution and humidity are both low enough that ya get to actually see the milky way’s galaxy arm. (The irony that the sun IS our local star does not elude me.)

1920s or 1990s:

...neither?? 90s only slightly win out ‘cause I’m a ‘93 Kid and the 90s and 00s had some incredible toys and cartoons. And, idk. I still like overall pants and shorts. Always have. While a flapper dress would be “oooh pretty! starlight beading! Now OFF. Back to regular clothes for ‘Sporing or Comfy Lounging.”

blizzard or thunderstorm:

Blizzard. Also. Have you considered...thundersnow??

(Admittedly? I’ve also never been through a snowstorm that threatened by health&safety. The same cannot be said about thunderstorms when nearly every one could or would spawn tornados and severe straightline winds that could knock down trees and powerlines and sometimes even damage homes. While living in a home with NO safe place to shelter. Not even an interior closet or bathroom. NOT. FUN.)

midnight memories or made in the am:

...what?? [googles] ...OH...they’re...albums. UH. Neither?? (I don’t listen to them...?)

sage green or vanilla white:

Sage green. It’s kinda a nostalgic color somehow? Also. Just not a fan of monochrome...at all. I see it? I instantly want it to be a backdrop. Negative space. For COLOR. (jewel tones for whites/light neutrals and browns; NEONS for blacks and dark greys. Preference for Jewel Tones over Neons...wait. What was the question again??? OH YEAH..uh... I do like vanilla icecream? With rainbow sprinkles. Or...paired with hot fruit pie or cobbler. Or cookies. Um...yeah I should prolly shutup now. xD )

folklore or lover:

...I don’t...understand??? But...I like Folkslore as in...folklore??? Fairytales, Legends, Myths... (also, so frikkin ace I’m just. not ever gonna pick “lover”)

croissant or macaroon:

...why would you do this to me. I make a beeline for croissants because...Soft Flaky Buttery Bread. And they are So Good as a savory sandwich sorta thing. Easily better than english muffins or crumpets, tho biscuits have a fighting chance. But LIKE. Soft breads. My weakness as a kid.

...but a good macaroon?? It is so light and crisp and TINY and like?? how does it taste like coffee??? and berries????? (Too bad they are So EXPENSIVE. While even cheap croissants are almost always Good.)

ballgowns or pantsuits:

I like the aesthetics of a ballgown. But never the pricetag, I wouldn’t wanna live in that thing for more than an hour, tops (and. so much damn work!!) and I’m stuck looking at them Defying (boob) Physics and just...dying a little inside. With my rare It Pretty Want Pretty wilting with it. But...it’s rare that pantsuits really...look like anything. (They also look uncomfortable and yet another Wardrobe Disaster and Do I HAVE To??? if I think about...actually wearing them. But, Legs Free No Tripping...I guess??)

hades or zeus:

I only wanna EVER meet Zeus if I get to castrate the bastard and lock ‘im up where he’ll NEVER get back out. Hades, tho...I’m WATCHING you, Bub. (Why yes, I agree with Demeter on this one.)

platonic love or sensual love:

Platonic. Cuddling and Kissing are technically Sensual but, y’know what? They ain’t exclusive to sexual or romantic loves (and I just. really do not want kissing at all. MAYBE a quick kiss on the forehead or fingertips but LIKE. That’s it. And it’s cute af for...literally ANY Love Type.)

light academia or cottagecore:

Honestly? A mix between the two. Cottagecore with my charming little home with its overgrown flowerbed of wildflowers (and asters! All the asters) and produce grown in large pots or hanging baskets...and inside the walls are covered with overflowing shelves of books and knicknacks and other Neat Things. Oh, and naturally a tea service (might not actually have tea in it...) and tons of pillows and blankets, and lamps and lanterns Everywhere for warm and soft (and colorful) light to read by while music plays softly in the background. And the home smells like something I just made for Supper or Snacks, or like a food-scented candle.

Aaaaaand tagging @mckinlily @headspacedad @aairachnid @synergetic-prose and whoever else wants to play! No obligation to play if tagged.

#tagged meme #tiger’s musings #long post

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

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[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 47

Last time: Winry interrupted Ed’s Sandwich Time, Pride told Al to take a nap, and Bradley got Operation Valkyrie’d. Onwards!

Narrator’s saying how Al was captured by the Goths on Promised Day Eve, and now he’s floating in the Whitespace. Probably not a good sign. A voice (Truth?) tells him to wake up- [Pride]: “It’s too soon for you to die. We aren’t done with you yet. There’s still so much work we have in store for you.” Well. This is going to be a cheerful episode, isn’t it? Episode 47 - “Emissary of Darkness” Way outside of Central there’s a ramshackle village, a bunch of people in rough clothes working the land. Wait why are you asking what the town is called Ed, are you lost? Central is like, clearly visible over the trees. Never mind then, guess this is where Beard’s been hanging out instead of Uncle’s stomping grounds. Sorry dude, but your lunch is getting interrupted by your estranged son and his- I mean, Greedling’s crew. So last time they saw each other it was over Mama Elric’s gravestone while Absentee Anime Father chided Ed for burning down the house. How’s this conversation going to OH SHIT [Beard]: “Edward, I didn’t thi-”

So Beard goes flying from, let’s be honest, a well-deserved punch. I mean we know that he’s on the side of the good guys now, but still. Absentee Anime Father has some explaining to do. Beard’s meeting his son’s new friends ([Lion/Gorilla]: “Ha, no.”), quickly identifies Greedling’s Goth nature and whoosh the Shiny Glasses are back. Eh, this is Beard we’re dealing with after all, guy can’t just give backstory without pulling up his Mysterious Shields. Later that night Beard’s finished storytime, Lion and Gorilla are sitting in shocked silence while Ed struggles with- oooh yeah. He’s spent a large chunk of his life searching for a Philosopher’s Stone to repair his and Al’s bodies, and now learning that he was raised by a “living stone”? Hell, conceived by it. Then Beard offers himself to restore his son’s bodies wat. Oh Leto thank you Ed, the young man’s yelling about how he’s not going to sacrifice innocent souls to fix something that’s their own fault. Beard’s proud to hear his son feels that way. Right, now that everyone’s caught up on the past, what’s going to happen in the future? Apparently there will be a solar eclipse tomorrow that Uncle’s going to “harness for his scheme”. What, is he going to overthrow the Fire Nation? Beard says he needs Ed’s help- [Ed]: “Help you?! Now look here, I’m gonna stop that bearded bastard, but I’m not doing it because you want me to help you! Our best chance at beating this guy is to team up, and that’s the only reason I’m even talking to you right now!” Yeesh. So Ed’s still harboring a lot of ill will towards Beard, storms off after that diatribe as the rest of Greedling’s crew heads off. Except Ed pauses oh yeah Granny asked him to pass on a message, Mama Elric’s final words: [Mama Elric]: “Sorry I couldn’t keep my promise… but I’m dying first.” Argh. And when Ed spins around to keep yelling at Beard, he sees the living Philosopher's Stone staring up at the night sky, crying. Out in the ramshackle village, Ed and the Chimeras are eating while the two men try talking him into giving Beard a chance, maybe ask why he took the Absentee Anime Father route. Ed’s still awfully bitter though, not helped by Greedling jumping into the conversation, pointing out the irony of Ed’s father being his early Quest Item. Ed says there’s more to it than that. Back at the campfire Beard’s thinking about the family picture, when Mama Elric was talking about how someday she’d grow old, that she’d be right there when he left for his Mysterious Mission. But we know how that all turned out. And it has to be said, he’s probably thinking about how he’s one of the most powerful beings in the setting. Maybe he could have healed her illness if he had stayed home? Yes at the cost of using his Philosopher’s Stone blood, but it’s still there. For now, Beard sits talking about how she stayed with him, how he wasn’t there beside- wait. [Beard]: “Tomorrow, ‘Trisha…” DEATH FLAGS WAVE WILDLY Like holy crap, the dude’s sitting by a campfire on his own the night before a big mission, looking at a photo of his dead wife and talking about how he wasn’t around. That’s… wow. Calling it now, Beard’s going to bite it. Taking all bets, I’ll bet Tephi a new book of her choice that Papa Elric will be gone inside of five episodes. The Dramatic String Music is starting up. Ed’s getting red cloth aw buddy why are you going back to your old red cloak? I liked the white outfit, you could have pulled off a good Gandalf.

See, Lion and Greedling agree with me, the Goth of Avarice even calls it flashy. But no, Ed’s all “this may be our final battle”, so he wants to do it in what he considers ‘style’. Fine, just promise no cars this time around. The Greedling Crew’s leaving? What about Beard, the Living Philosopher’s Stone you’re supposed to work with? Ed’s saying that the others can bail if they want ([Greedling]:”Hey now, I’m the boss!”). If they’re after restoring their bodies- [Gorilla]: “These bodies do have their perks. To be honest I really don’t mind staying like this.” [Greedling]: “Hahaha! Yeah, now that’s the spirit!” YES. THANK YOU. So anyway, the Chimeras are all “we’ve got nothing better to do, might as well help save the world” and Greedling’s… not telling Ed why he wants to go back to Central? Eh whatever, after his tiff with Bradley I don’t think he’s going to try and team up with the other Goths again. Wouldn’t put it past him to try and claim the title of Fuhrer in the chaos though. But even if he tries pulling that I think Ling would protest, and he’d have to deal with Roy Mustang (aka the guy who killed Lust) and Armstrong the Great. So yeah, I don’t see that happening. Lion pauses in the road, Ed looks around to see the holdup- Al! Did you get away from… oh no. No glowing red eyes? Walking out a dark, shadowy forest? Seen captured by the Goths and “worked on” by Pride? And yup Ed’s questioning how Al’s here when he was over with Sideburns in the East, and Greedling starts freaking out. Totally-Not-Possessed-Al ever so calmly says he needs to talk with Ed while the Creepy Strings start up, turns towards the forest- Ling yells at Ed to back up. Let me say that again, Ling yells at Ed to get away from the armor. Greed why are you trying to keep Ling from warning Ed? Crap shadows leaking from the armor and SHADOW SPIKES EVERYWHERE, Greedling and the Chimeras just barely dodge before they retract back to the armor, which slowly turns around to face the shocked Crew and then grows way too many eyes. We’ve seen Pride massacre Muggles in the tunnels, hold Riza hostage, chase after Uncle’s counterpart. Now we’ll see him actually fight. Mid-ep pictures of a grumpy Greed and a very unimpressed Grumman. Whaaaa? The Fuhrer’s remains haven’t turned up yet? Why wherever could they HE’S ALIVE DAMNIT. Oh hey General Grumman continues to be competent, he’s personally overseeing the search since he “won’t be able to comfortably sleep at night ‘til I see his corpse with my own eyes”. You go, trope-savvy General. But wait, what about leading the Eastern/Northern forces to Central? Uh. Hmmm. Well. Seems that General Grumman’s conniving extends to his “allies” as well. He just “has” to stay and oversee the search for the Fuhrer, meaning his troops are stuck with him. If Roy and Armstrong the Great make their move now, Bradley’s still-intact leadership (along with Uncle) will capture them. Then Grumman can step in to fill the power gap. [Grumman]: “They’ll take the fall as enemies of the state, while General Grumman will heroically come riding in on a white horse. I’ll let the youngsters dive head-first into danger and do all the dirty work. And then I’ll take my rightful place as leader of this country without any risk.” Holy shit. So Grumman is actually a conniving old schemer who plans to use the good guys to make his own power play. Not quite as bad as Raven, but damnit man I liked you. Thankfully Sideburns suspects Grumman’s motive and is withholding his trust. Back to Greedling’s Crew and Armored!Pride. Greedling confirms that it’s his “oldest brother” piloting the armor now, Pride shows off Al’s sigil. So now Ed has to fight his unconscious brother, and hold his punches so he doesn’t disrupt the sigil. This isn’t going to be easy. But at least he has backup- [Gorilla, hiding behind a tree with Lion]: “Our animal instincts are telling us to stay the hell away from that thing.” [Lion]: “It’d probably be smart for you to run too!” Well, this is the First Goth. It’s not really fair for me to expect them to fight it, even Toad and Boar kept to the sides against Envy. But Ed can still fight, and since he’s a Sacrifice then Pride can’t land any killing blows. Unfortunately Pride knows that, and that people can survive without all of their limbs… Pride’s just standing there as shadow blades strike all around the dodging Ed, who’s talking about keeping the Goth away from the slums. He Earthbends up a wall but Pride just smashes right through it and YIKES thank goodness Ling had his Ultimate Shield or he’d be dead, but Pride just latches on to his limbs and tells Ed to stand down or he’ll hurt Ling and the villagers. But Ed’s smiling? [Ed]: “I think it’s about time I start winning some of these fights for a change!” He transmutes the ground wait there are sparks heading straight toward the village OH! Well, it kinda sucks in the long-term that Ed shorted out their electric grid, but for the short term? No bright lights means… well it would mean no shadows if it wasn’t for the moon and stars. Or not? Apparently the moonlight is so weak that there aren’t any shadows near the forest anymore, all of Pride’s limbs vanish. Ed and Greedling exposit that they can’t see anything in the darkness, but Pride can’t cast without the strong light-source. What’s this about Pride’s shadow? Oh, so he’s controlling the armor by touching the armor’s shadow! Meaning that Pride’s just inside the tree-line, and Al’s armor is free from his influence. Quick, grab it! Oooh, but this means that our heroes are going to have to fight, maybe even kill an apparent child. Yeesh. Anyways, apparently the sky is “completely overcast” so that resolves the moon/star issue nicely. For now, Pride waits- Lion! Haha, looks like their noses are all better after Ed’s chemistry lesson. Holy Leto Lion is just unloading on Pride, the Goth chides him for attacking a child but Lion yells that he knows full well what Pride actually is, along with his animal instincts that are blaring “WRONG WRONG KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS YOU”. Outside the trees Ed and Gorilla meet up, the chimera says they need to book it. But what about Al? He should be free from Pride’s control now, without shadows to manipulate it should be safe to grab the armor and run. But Gorilla urges caution. Moving along the trees they run into Greedling who’s wondering how they tracked him down LOOK OUT GLUTTONY! So just as Lion’s using his superhuman smell and sight to hunt down Pride, Gluttony’s been used for his enhanced sense of smell to track down Greedling. Who tells Gorilla to start fighting? Dude this is Gluttony, if anything you’re the best equipped to fight him seeing how Ling took the first edition down way back when. Except yeah Greedling doesn’t have the sight or smell to fight in the dark. Fight well, Gorilla! Holy Leto he’s actually fighting well, Gluttony’s getting tossed around- [Gorilla]: “Now for the final blow!” *WHAM* [Ed]: “Why, Mister Gorilla? Weren’t we sticking close to avoid attacking each other?” Ah. Never mind then. Greedling’s thinking over how Gluttony’s got the upper hand in the dark, and they’re all screwed when the lights come back on for Pride. Except ha! Like I said, Ling’s the best counter for Gluttony as he can sense the Goth and beat him once before. Let him CRAP Ling just lost an arm oh right Goth so he could regrow his limb (sorry, souls that got used up for that fix). Wait can Ling access the Ultimate Shield? Let’s come back to that, thankfully doesn’t need it right now as Ling’s fancy Xing martial arts are knocking Gluttony down. Greed even compliments him, impressive. But now Gluttony’s mad, and oh yeah he can do that whole pseudo Gate of Truth thing. Look out for the Eraser Gun! And now Ed’s the one who can’t see the danger, Ling and Gorilla can only talk ominously about “something bad coming”- Flash of someone running by? Beard finally catch up with the group and die heroically? Wait. Wait wait WAIT. Flashes of a speedy figure, metal blades that slice through Gluttony- EASTERN MUSIC STARTING UP OH LETO PLEASE TELL ME FUCK. YES. [Ling]: “I’m glad to see you’re ok. I was wondering when you’d find me, Lan-Fan.” The ninjas are back, baby! With a badass upgrade!

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 47 #ranubis

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builder051 · 5 years

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If you want to destroy my sweater (or my history midterm)

@mohini-musing‘s Chasing Ghosts ‘verse.

_____

Ever since Tasha hit the stage again, they’ve become good patrons of the arts, sitting in theaters on Sunday afternoons and watching an array of student choreography and attempts at filmmaking. Sometimes James impressed. Sometimes he’s not. Mostly he just feels for the kids who get less-than-packed houses for their debut works.

Tasha hasn’t danced since the last and, well, only ill-fated performance. She blames the rolled ankle, but James knows there’s something deeper there that she’s not quite ready to face. But no matter. It gives her time to get a jump start on homework before James and Steve make it back to the apartment to join her.

That’s what Steve says, anyway. James actually scoffed the first time he said it, knowing full well that Tasha will get a jump start on just about anything but. She’s always been one of those kids who could ace tests without trying, if only she bothered to turn them in. She’s gotten better about it since moving in with the boys, mostly because James rescues her finished papers from the printer tray and tucks them in her backpack for her.

“Hey, we’re home,” Steve calls to the seemingly empty apartment when they arrive home from today’s viewing of Swan Lake. “It was good. You should’ve come.” Never mind the fact that Tasha had made vomiting sounds into her coffee when Steve suggested it this morning. “It was weird. Nobody had on shoes.”

“Huh?” A similarly shoeless redheaded creature stirs from where her grey sweats camouflage her into the couch cushions. “You can’t do Swan Lake without shoes.” Tasha titters in slow motion, then brings her hand up to cover her mouth when it becomes a yawn.

“You can when it’s contemporary.” Steve seems proud of himself for remembering the term, even though it’s still wrong.

“Modern,” James corrects, giving Steve’s shoulder a squeeze as if thanking him for trying. “Kind of Límon-ish?”

“Huh,” Tasha says again, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “I guess that style’s kind of… flappy.” She laughs at herself and almost collapses again.

Steve looks confused, but James just shakes his head. Tasha’s too smart to leave out a bottle or any other evidence and too guarded to tell him what she’s taken if he asks. Instead he bites his lip and inquires, “How much?” as he crosses the living room and flops down at her side.

“I don’t know. Not too much.” Tasha’s eyes slowly focus to meet James, then slide toward crossed again.

It’s an outright lie and they both know it, but James still whispers, “Right.” He tries again. “How long you been sleepy?” He does the math in his head. There’s no way she could be this out of it unless she’d doped up before he and Steve left. James curses himself for not seeing the signs.

Tasha shrugs. Of course she does. She doesn’t care.

She is trembly, though. And looks like she’s about to cry. Maybe throw up. James knows he can’t leave her like this, so he grunts, “Alright. Move,” and uses his chin and one knee to direct her toward the corner of the sofa.

Tasha goes grudgingly, crawling down the cushions on all fours before dropping dramatically with her head on a throw pillow. James sits beside her and reaches over to feel her cheek with the backs of his fingers. She’s not running a fever, he already knows, but it gives him a good chance to take in the blown pupils and red-rimmed eyes, the dry flaky lips, and the spray of rusty freckles that suddenly appear dark against her pale nose.

“Get off me.” Tasha flails at him with a weak backhand, then falls onto her elbows practically in James’s lap.

“Sure,” James says, lifting his hand and ignoring the irony. He reaches down for where his laptop is stowed beneath the coffee table and opens it on his knees. “I’m just gonna work on this for a while…”

“Yeah, you do that…”

“Always having the last word,” James teases her. He ruffles her hair and settles in to work, typing with his right hand and counterbalancing the keyboard with his left. Sometimes he wishes the prosthetic would do more, like allow independent finger movements, but today he’s too preoccupied to care. Actually, it’s probably better he take a long time with this assignment, if only to give Tasha an excuse not to stand up.

It’s obvious the girl needs to sleep, and within a few minutes she’s breathing in a slow, measured rhythm.

“What do you think she got into?” Steve asks, taking a seat in the armchair across the room.

“Who knows?” James shrugs. “I clean out the stash under the bathroom sink once a week or so, but that doesn’t seem to slow her down.”

“... M’ not slow…” Tasha mumbles, shifting her head onto James’s thigh and burying her face in the crook of his elbow. Her knees appear against his body on the other side, her torso completing the horseshoe around his back.

“No one said you were,” James reassures her, then looks back to Steve, who’s scoffing as he opens a book. “Honestly, I don’t. Robitussin, maybe? Or your cheap-ass beer?”

They share a smile, then Steve goes serious again. “You want me to get rid of it?”

“No,” James says quickly. “You’re an adult. You do what you want.” He sighs. “And, you know, so is she.”

“Thas’ right…” One of Tasha’s hands smacks the center of James’s keyboard, sending an explosion of V’s and G’s across the center of his screen.

“Thanks, Tash,” James murmurs, actively deciding not to roll his eyes. “I ‘precciate it.”

“Just wanted to get your attention,” she slurs in response.

“And why’s that?” James is only half listening; he expects gibberish. What he gets instead is, “Feel sick.”

“Ok, come on.” James practically throws his laptop and slides out from underneath Tasha, struggling to get a hold on her limp yet somehow also wiggly body.

“I can take her,” Steve offers, already out of his seat as well.

“Nah, why don’t you go make tea,” James suggests. “You’re good at that.”

“Sure, ok.” Steve gives a sad laugh. “I’ll leave you to deal with the hard part.”

James shakes his head, but he’s already halfway down the hall. Good thing, too, because Tasha’s starting to buck convulsively in his arms. “Almost there, hold up,” he warns, hoping it comes out as a reassurance instead of a command.

He clumsily folds her down on her knees in front of the toilet, glad for once that somebody’s left the seat up. “Alright,” James says, sweeping Tasha’s curls back from her face as he moves the prosthetic in circles between her shoulder blades. “Go for it.

Tasha heaves, but inhales too quickly and winds up hacking.

“Hey, slow down. I didn’t mean that.” James turns the movement from soothing to percussive.

“Fuck you,” Tasha chokes. She spits and looks up at him with one watery eye, then turns back to the toilet as something red and gunky starts to spill from her lips.

“The hell?” James looks over the lip of the toilet, at first thinking it’s blood he’s seeing. It’s too red, though. And too clear. It only takes him a second to realize it is, in fact, the Robitussin. And from the smell he can tell it’s cut with something like sour mix and grain alcohol. “I thought sizzurp was kid stuff.”

“It is,” Tasha says, her voice echoing against the sides of the toilet bowl. “I make the grown-up version. And you don’t have any jolly ranchers.”

“I wonder why?” James replies sarcastically. “You know I don’t do shit to be mean or oppressive or whatever. You do what you want. Just, for the love of Christ, be safe, why don’t ya? Don’t mix shit like that. Especially not when you’re home alone.”

“So you would’ve let me?” Tasha sits up and rakes her trembling hand across her mouth.

“I…” James bites his lip. He can’t say it. He just can’t. “I… I couldn’t have stopped you.”

“Tea!” The door creaks open behind James, and Steve steps in, cradling a mug between his hands.

“Right. Good.” James is glad for the distraction. “Caffeinated?” He looks at Tasha. “I don’t want you going to sleep just yet.”

“The fuck am I supposed to do, then?” Tasha does her best pitiful face.

“Mmmm…” James considers. “Edit my paper?”

“Stoned?”

“Would you do it sober?” James grins.

Tasha laughs and covers her mouth to contain a soft burp. “Nope.”

“Well, come on then.” He helps Tasha to her feet and shoves the tea at her. “I’m not carrying you again.”

“You trust me with hot liquids?”

“Hey, I’m about to trust you with my History midterm.” James raises his eyebrows. “Don’t blow it.”

Tasha finally returns his smile. “Pretty sure I already did.”

#sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #mcu #marvel #chasing ghosts #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #hurt comfort #fanfic #fanfiction #drug use

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davidmann95 · 5 years

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So, what's the deal with Kingdom Hearts? I mean, it's a Disney/Final Fantasy crossover, right? Hard to see why would that cause such dedicated whatever.

I’ve had this in my drafts for a while, and given today’s the series’ 17th anniversary it seems like the time to finally get back and finish it. Simple answer: the music slaps and you just want the soft children to get to go home.

Long answer: Even now people joke about the baseline absurdity of a universe in which Donald Duck can go toe-to-toe with Cloud, and while I think 17 years in we’re past the point where it’s time to accept that this is just a part of the landscape for these characters, yes, that does remain objectively bonkers. It’s not a natural, intuitive combination like your JLA/Avengers, this is Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe-level “well, I suppose they both exist in…the, uh, medium of visual storytelling” stuff, other than I suppose that they both tend towards fantasy in this case. And then that whole wacko premise got hijacked by Tetsuya Nomura for an extended epoch-spanning drama driven by labyrinthine, (occasionally literal) dream logic mythology where it’s genuinely impossible to tell at this point what’s being thrown in by the seat of the creators’ pants and what was planned out since day one, pretty much casting aside the franchises that were in theory the main appeal as relevant parts of the plot even as you still hang out with Baymax from Big Hero 6. Step back even a touch, and there will always be a whiff of derangement about the entire affair - it’s simply baked in at this point.

My controversial opinion however: it’s actually good. There are structural issues and awkward moments and aspects ill-served, I’d never deny that, but even diehard lifelong Kingdom Hearts fans tend towards prefacing appreciation with at least two or three levels of irony and self-critique. I suppose it’s in part a response to the general reaction to it I mentioned before, but no, I absolutely think these are genuinely good, ambitious stories build on a foundation that’s still holding strong. An important note in service of that point: Winnie the Pooh, maybe Hercules, and with III Toy Story aside, I have basically zero childhood nostalgia for any of the properties involved. Wasn’t a huge Disney kid outside maybe very very early childhood, and only dabbled with Final Fantasy after the fact (still intend to play through XV someday though). It won me over young, yes, but on its own.

The building blocks help: the characters designs are great, the individual Disney settings in their platonic representations of various locales and landscapes make perfect towns packed with quirky locals to roam through on your quest, the Final Fantasy elements are tried and tested for this sort of thing, the original worlds each have their own unique aesthetics and touchstones and come out lovely, by my estimation the gameplay’s fun adventure/slasher stuff even if it’s had ups and downs over the years, the actors largely bring it, it all looks pretty, and as noted, the score is as good as it gets. They’re games that look, sound, and play good made up of component parts that unify into a sensible whole. And for me, the scope and convolution of the plot that so many leap at as the easy target - with its memory manipulations and replicas and time travel and ancient prophecies and possessions and hearts grown from scratch and universes that live in computers and storybooks and dreams - is half the appeal; I live for that kind of nonsense. Not that folks aren’t justified as hell in taking jabs at it, but I’ll admit I often quietly raise an eyebrow when I see the kind of people I tend to follow having an unironic laugh at it given *gestures toward the last 40 years of superhero comics*.

All that through is ultimately window dressing. The most powerful appeal of Kingdom Hearts is I suppose hidden if you’re going by commercials and isolated GIFs and whatnot, and even the bulk of the content of the average Disney world, charming as they are. It’s deceptively easy to pick out something else as the fundamental appeal too; even if I’d call them incredibly well-executed examples of such the character archetypes it deals in are relatively broad, and while it handles the necessary shifts in its tone from fanciful Disney shenanigans to apocalyptic cosmic showdowns for the heart of all that is with incredible skill - and that might be its most unique aspect, and certainly a critical one - a lot of that comes down to raw technical ability on the part of the writers, appropriate dramatic buildup, and demarcation between environments and acts of the story.

The real heart of the matter, to speak to my typical audience, is that Kingdom Hearts in a profound way resembles 1960s Superman comics and stories inspired by the same: it’s 90% dopey lovely cornball folk tale stuff, until every now and again it spins around and sucker punches you in the goddamn soul with Extremely Real Human Shit. Except here instead of being lone panels and subtext, it builds and builds throughout each given adventure until it takes over and flips for the finale from fairytale to fantasy epic.

That can probably be credited directly to Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi suggesting to Tetsuya Nomura to try treating this weird gig seriously instead of as the licensed cash-in it seemed destined to be, since if this didn’t have a soul the target audience would recognize it. But in spite of that seriousness, it’s perhaps its most joyfully mocked aspect in its entirely unselfconscious dedication to making Hearts and Feelings and Light and/or Darkness the most important things in the universe that lets it do what it does. It’s childish in the most primal way, absolutely, but what that translates to is that there aren’t cosmic or personal stakes that swap places as major or subsidiary at any given point, because in this world they’re always literally the same thing. There’s no major relationship where the fate of a primal power or a last chance at salvation doesn’t ultimately hang in the balance depending on how it shakes out, and there’s no prophecy or ultimate weapon or grand scheme that doesn’t have direct, fundamental ramifications on the life of an innocent or the memories that define them or whether they’ll ever be able to find a place to call home. ‘Hearts’ is an all-encompassing theme, whether in strength of will or redemption or questions of personhood or the ties that bind us, and by making it a literal source of power, it lends personal dimension to the unfathomable universal and the grand weight of destiny to whether or not someone can come to terms with who they want to be or apologize to those they’ve wronged. It’s a world where emotional openness and personal growth ultimately works the same way and achieves the same results as doing calisthenics in five hundred times Earth’s gravity does in Dragon Ball. and it’s tender and exuberant and thoughtful enough where it counts to take advantage of that as a storytelling engine.

That’d be why Sora works so well as the main character, because he straddles the line most directly between those poles. He may stand out as a spiky anime boy when actually next to Aladdin and the rest, but when it comes down to it he’s a Disney character, just a really nice, cheeky, dopey kid who wants to hang out with his friends and go on an adventure and believes in people really really hard. As the stranger in a strange land he’s a tether to a wider, sometimes more somber and weighty world when he’s sticking his head into the movie plots, but when he’s in the midst of stacked-up conspiracies and mythic wars that make all seem lost, he’s the one whose concerns remain purely, firmly rooted in the lives of those connected to him. Other characters get to go out there into bleak questions of self-identity or forgiveness, but while he might wrestle with doubt and fear Sora’s the guy who holds the ship steady and reminds all these classic heroes and flawed-yet-resolute champions and doomed Chosen Ones what they’re fighting for by just being a really good dude.

Given superhero comics are my bread and butter it doesn’t come up much, but Kingdom Hearts is really about as foundational to the landscape of my imagination as Superman and company, and while 100% that’s in part because it came into my life early it didn’t take hold by chance. It manages its stakes and its drama in a way and on a scale unlike just about anything else I’ve ever seen (even prior to getting to the weird mythology stuff that’s so profoundly up my alley), and somehow the aesthetics and gameplay and dialogue and all the million and one details that needed to come together to facilitate that story joined together into something that’s become one of the most curious, beloved touchstones of its medium. It’s a small, lovely bastion of warmth and sincerity in a way that only feels more like a breath of fresh air with time, playing out over decades a bunch of kids’ journeys to try and find the people they love most and help them and go home together when everything in the universe seems to be against them. It’s special in ways that will for me always be unique and meaningful, and I’m glad it seems to have plenty more in it before it’s through.

And seriously THAT MUSIC.

#Kingdom Hearts #Sora #Analysis #Opinion

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house-of-kells · 5 years

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A place where I am not myself.

Syntheticspacemagic | Fluff | Ikora x Shiro-4 | SFW

Ikora had always liked being alone with her thoughts. Alone on mercury when the guardian went in after Osiris and Sagira, alone when she stormed her way through the crucible, and alone when it was just her and her ghost wandering the jungles of what had once been known as Africa, when she was still a fresh guardian.

But this time was different, staring out at the traveler as it pulled itself back together, Ikora felt, for once, uncomfortable with being alone with her thoughts. she rubbed her palms over the smooth wood beneath her hands as she leaned out over the railing not unlike she had seen Zavala do so many times. the dramatic irony was not lost on her. It had been only 2 weeks since the guardian had returned from the tangled shore, informing the two remaining vanguard of Prince Uldren’s death.

Despite having been the one to send the guardian on that journey, Ikora felt no sense of relief, no satisfaction, only what she could describe as disappointment. disappointment not in the guardian, but in herself, she had gone behind Zavala’s back to OK a mission that had in the grand scheme of things, accomplished nothing. the two vanguard leaders still had not spoken.

“Ikora.” a synthesized voice behind her spoke, low and solemn. Ikora turned her head slightly, just enough to see the speaker from her peripheral vision. Shiro-4, one of Cayde’s closest friends, leaned against the wall fifteen feet from where she stood, hands folded over his chest, regarding her with his robotic eyes, and for once Ikora wished that Exos’ could display just a little more emotion. “Shiro, what are you doing here.” she responded in the same solemn tone, ordinarily she’d be more cordial, shaking his hand, all business, but today she just couldn’t muster the effort.

Shiro sported a new cloak sown from black cloth, instead of the yellow cloth he had worn originally, the cloak sported a long red stripe down its left half, as though mirroring the cloak Cayde had once worn. as he shifted his weight, Ikora caught a glint of silver at his hip, a small unassuming sidearm was strapped there.

“I came to check in, got a message from Cayde saying he had died, and left some things for me.” he shifted uncomfortably. “whole place isn’t what I expected to come back to honestly.” Ikora turned back to stare up at the traveler again. “and what were you expecting Shiro?” Shiro stood up to his full height, no longer leaning against the wall, and approached. “wasn’t expecting Cayde dead and you and Zavala giving each other the cold shoulder, that’s for sure.” he gestured to the railing next to her. “May I?” Ikora waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, and he mimicked her position, hands placed on the railing, only his eyes weren’t on the traveler.

Ikora held the silence for a few long moments, cherishing it, before snapping it in her hands. “I never intended it to be like this.” she said, lowering her eyes to the city. “I’m assuming you mean the guardian skipping off to the shore to do the deed.” Shiro quipped. Ikora nodded in confirmation, honestly Shiro would have made a fine hidden had he been a warlock, his skills of perception almost beyond reason. “I thought it would bring...” Ikora paused searching for a phrase to convey what she felt, in truth she had no idea what she had ‘thought it would bring’.

Once again Shiro came to her rescue. “you thought it would help things make sense, like how it used to be. you thought it would drive Zavala onto your path. you thought it would bring resolution to Cayde’s death.” again he had hit the nail on the head, but Ikora made no move to confirm his guess. “I feel as though your words are wasted on me Shiro, why are you here exactly?” the exo shifted a bit, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “ah, well, you see...” he shrugged. “when Andal died, there was this restaurant I brought Cayde to, down in the city, it was sort of a place away from places, if you get what I mean.” she didn’t. “No I don’t I’m afraid.” Shiro sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Cayde eventually ended up calling it ‘the place where I can be not myself’, its sort of a place where you don’t have to be a guardian for a while. you’re a guardian, but not there. you’re a soldier, but not there. you’re a civilian, a titan, a warlock, a hunter. but not there.”

Ikora finally looked over to the hunter, the barest hint of a smile gracing her face, the thought of a place where she could think things over not as the vanguard, not as a guardian, not as a scholar, but as herself, as Ikora, seemed oddly cathartic.

“you know Shiro, I think I would like that.” she said, keeping her eyes on the traveler. the hunter nodded. “I’ll get it set up, and ping you the coordinates tonight, wear something nice.” he looked down at her robes. “and uh, not that sort of nice, like, normal nice.” Ikora didn’t understand but nodded along anyway. “Great.” Shiro said, rising up again to his full height “just look, not you.” he said, striding away. Ikora shook her head, wondering how in the world she could not look like herself.

it had taken a few hours for Shiro to send her the coordinates as well as a time, and a few hours more for her to put together a suitable disguise, but Ikora had managed to dig the robes she had worn as a young guardian out of her closet, and reattach the shoulder sling to her old shotgun, Invective. the robes were simple, maroon in color, with black leather serving to fill in the gaps, and a handy hood to pull over her head. across her arm, Ikora had placed one of her old wearable colliders’, and had departed the tower in secret, placing an old teal helm over her head, and pulling up the hood about her neck.

saying the restaurant was hard to find was the understatement of a lifetime, even with her ghost, Hugin, supplying active coordinates, it had taken them nearly two hours to find it, and the result both was and wasn’t what Ikora had been expecting. put together from what seemed to be random bits of metal and wood, the ‘restaurant’ was nothing more than a large shack with a corrugated steel panel as a roof, hanging from the roof, just above the doorway, was a fizzled out neon sign suspended by wires threaded through what looked suspiciously like bullet holes; the sign read “the Middle of Nowhere”. Ikora looked around, there was no sign of Shiro yet, and this didn’t feel like the sort of place to be alone in, and she began to have second thoughts. letting out a small hum, Ikora leaned toward Hugin and said “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea...” just as she began to turn to leave, a familiar voice called out to her.

“Ikora.” Shiro called from across the small grassy yard outside of the shack. jogging across, he stopped a few feet in front of her. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.” Ikora nodded cautiously. “Shiro when you said a place...” she paused, uncertain. “I wasn’t expecting this.” Shiro nodded, easily reading what she implied. “yeah I know, but give it a shot, and if you don’t like it, we don’t come back. Deal?” Ikora felt a bit shocked by how forward he was being, she had never taken a chance to talk to Shiro without being in a vanguard meeting, and now that she was alone with him, his calm reassurance was... nice. “Alright.” she managed to say. “I can give it a try.”

“Fantastic.” Shiro replied, moving towards the shack, Ikora in tow. before the pair arrived at the door, Shiro laid his arm across her shoulders; when she moved to step away, he tightened his grip. “okay Ikora, trust me on this, you’re gonna want me around here, at least until folks warm up to you, so just follow my lead.” Ikora sighed slightly and nodded, Shiro nodded in return, before pushing open the door to the restaurant, while saying. “welcome to the Middle of Nowhere.”

Despite its outward appearance, the inside of the shack was well lit, with round tables, their finish almost completely peeled off, and old rustic chairs, which probably never had any finish applied in the first place, light bulbs hung from cords stretching upwards to the ceiling; off to the left on the far side of the single room was a bar, in similar condition to the tables and chairs. as the pair entered, figures seated alone or in groups at the tables turned their eyes on Ikora and Shiro. Ikora felt Shiro shift his hand down from her shoulder to around her waist, while he simultaneously raised his other hand into the air slightly and lowered his head in what Ikora could only describe as a half nod. the patrons, most of them hunters by Ikora’s wager, repeated the gesture, lowering their heads and raising their hands, before returning to their drinks or other activities.

pulling her over to an empty table with two chairs, Shiro took his hand from Ikora’s waist and kicked one of the chairs out from the table a ways, before taking the other chair and sitting down. Ikora took the chair shiro had moved, presumably for her in the weird way hunters did things, and sat, pulling herself up to the table. after a moment a young woman came by and dropped two old menu’s onto the table between them. “Anything for drinks?” she asked, pulling out a notepad, her tone somewhat apathetic. “Two glasses of water, and something for a departed friend if you get my meaning.” Shiro chimed in. the woman nodded, not looking up from the notepad. “Sure thing Shiro.” she turned on her heel and wove her way through the tables back to the bar. Ikora stared after her for a few seconds before pulling one of the menu’s across the table and beginning to unfold it, turning her gaze back to Shiro. “they know you?” Shiro nodded. “yeah, and before you ask, they don’t care that we’re guardians, place operates on a ‘don’t ask don’t tell policy’” Shiro reached out and placed his hand on top of Ikora’s menu, obscuring her vision of the orders. “and don’t, order anything here.” Ikora would have asked why but decided against it, Shiro was clearly in his element here, and it felt best to just follow his lead.

The woman returned with the glasses and a dark bottle of cheap wine, which Shiro took and thanked her, tipping her a few pieces of glimmer before turning his attention back to Ikora. “So Ikora.” he began, and Ikora braced herself. “I heard what happened, and I’m not talking about Cayde, I’m talking about you and Zavala.” there it was, the question she had hoped not to hear. “Listen Shiro, I appreciate this, but I don’t think” she was cut off by Shiro leaning forward, onto the table. “I know you don’t think this is a good Idea Ikora, but I want to hear your side of things, every guardian I’ve talked to knows Zavala’s side, but I want to hear yours.”

Ikora took a moment to compose herself, sifting through her memories, trying to find a place to start; after she had compiled what she felt was a proper explanation, she cast her eyes downward to her hands. “I didn’t understand.” she finally said, watching Shiro sit back, listening. “with Cayde dead, I didn’t understand why Zavala didn’t want to go after Uldren Sov, at first I thought him a coward, too afraid of his own light’s frailty to trust anyone else to do a good job, it felt as though he thought if he couldn’t do something, no one could.” Shiro nodded. “But that wasn’t the case.” he prompted, and Ikora shook her head. “No it wasn’t, after the guardian returned, and I felt no satisfaction, I turned my thoughts inward.” she looked up to Shiro’s glowing blue eyes. “if we had sent an army, a raid party, or even a fire-team, the chances of an unnecessary loss would have skyrocketed, and...” she paused for a second, casting her eyes back down to her hands and willing herself to say what she had been avoiding, a result she had until now refused to face. “And despite all how much I despaired, Cayde was still just a single guardian, a loss of another guardian wouldn’t have changed that. simple numbers.”

As Ikora stared down at her hands, clenched into fists, another gloved hand appeared, looking up slightly, Ikora watched Shiro place his right hand over top her left, a small gesture of reassurance. “from up in the tower, it all seems like simple math and science.” he said, his tone soft. “if we lose two guardians instead of one, its a net loss, if we don’t prove a point here or there, net loss.” he stared at Ikora intently. “but down here, when the enemy really hits home, its not so simple anymore.” Ikora nodded, and Shiro sat back in his chair, pouring some of the wine at the table into a spare glass and pushing it towards her. “I know it’s tough, believe me, but it’ll get better. I promise” Ikora nodded, removing her teal helmet. as the cool air hit her face, she felt her eyes burn, withing the confines and filtered air of her helmet, she had failed to realize she had begun to cry. “thank you Shiro.” she managed, her voice warbling as she spoke; she grasped the glass and took a sip, it had a strange, sour flavor to it, but not a flavor she despised. Shiro emptied his glass of water before filling it again with wine, and raised it slightly. “to Cayde.” Ikora nodded and raised her glass slightly off the table as well.

Ikora couldnt help but giggle as Shiro regaled her with yet another tale of Cayde’s antics before he became a vanguard, tipping back her glass, Ikora noticed she had run out of wine again, and went to pour more wine into her glass another time, only to have none pour from the bottle. as she sat there, pondering why nothing was happening, Shiro gently took the bottle from her hand, and placed it on the table, next to the other empty bottle. “I think that’s enough Ikora, its getting late.” Ikora stared at him, dumbfounded. “It is?” she peered up at the small clock on a nearby wall, trying to will her vision to stop wobbling so she could see the time. Shiro took her gently by the arm, and led her out of the bar, and Ikora had to admit, the cool night air did help straighten out her vision a bit, but not her balance, as she would have almost immediately fallen had it not been for Shiro’s support. leaning her full weight against him, she stumbled along with him back in the vague direction of the tower. as he helped her into her dormitory, Ikora put her free hand on his shoulder. “I wanted to thank you Shiro, it was nice to be away from the tower for a while.” Shiro seemed to nod. “whatever you say Ikora, you should get some sleep.” not that it had been mentioned, Ikora felt the weight of exhaustion creeping over her body, nodding along with him, she mumbled. “yes, sleep would be nice...” Shiro helped her over to the couch, too unfamiliar with the layout of her room to help her to her bed, before turning to leave. “try to take it easy tomorrow Ikora.” he called over his shoulder, Ikora simply waved her hand in agreement, pulling Invective off of her shoulder, and allowing it to drop onto the ground with a loud thud. the last thing she remembered was watching Shiro close the door behind him, bathing the room in darkness.

#syntheticspacemagic #Ikora Rey X Shiro-4 #rarepair anyone?#destiny #destiny 2 #destiny 2: forsaken #Destiny2 #Destiny Forsaken Spoilers #Fic #fiction #House-of-kells #ikora rey #Shiro-4 #hunters deal with grief poorly

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wavemaker9 · 6 years

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Here’s 2 things I want to touch on and make into 1 big topic re gta au:

1, if i’m pulling toni to be separate from aph too, i don’t have to give a fuck about how the relationship between portugal and spain works as countries and can give him and whatever-port’s-human-name-will-be wahtever relay I wanna give them. So maybe port as the right hand man for toni as well. I was thinking toni not having anyone who he trusted in the city but i like him having one person. Them not being blood, but met when they were young and first in the city, two newly moved kids from europe trying to get used to life in los santos, slowly starting to trust each other and work together as they eventually fell into crime together, as they dug and clawed for any coin they could get until eventually it all paid off. Toni’s ambition and charm causing him to take the lead a little more, but port always having his back and vice versa, with port even often joking (or reassuring, depending on context) that he’ll be there to take over whenever toni’s gone (when the joke first started, toni joked back to ask ‘and what do you think is gonna happen to me exactly? You think anyone in this city has a chance at killing me?’ and port ‘oh, no, no, of course not. I’m just waiting for when your head gets so big it finally crushes your body. that’ll happen way before someone kills you’). 2, i’d suggested that toni started to have a crush on cami for a while there, but once he realized, he backed out both of fear of getting attached + of putting her in danger somehow as well, and so withdrew until she stopped showing interest in him as well. Instead, i like him actually entertaining the idea of pursuing the relationship, even at the risk of backing out of the crime business to do it even if just for a little while.

like toni lowkey flatters a lot, it’s what he does. it’s not obvious, he’s not being super clear about it, but the subtlty makes it so that automatically flattering people gives you a nice small bonus to most relationships had. so it starts out like that as well, toni complimenting the shop when he comes in, the food and how delicious the last item he got was, or even when he feels like flustering her just a bit, cami herself. but after a little bit, it feels more natural. he’s not saving the things to fill space in a conversation, or to win a little favor in advance for the next time he needs it. he really does think that chalk drawing is very cute, he really did love that new batch of chocolates she made, he really does think that new dress she’s wearing brings out her eyes in the best way. and taht’s the first realization, that he actually is interested in her, even if he doesn’t pick up just yet that it’s more romantic than normal. at that point he starts to throw out a couple more flirts when they talk, he buys two tickets for something they talked about a month or so ago and plays as if someone else cancelled and she wouldn’t be interested in going to this thing would she? he’ll even make it worth while by buying her dinner as well! he starts to bring little gifts, flowers, his efforts really pick up without him even realizing. normally he’s totally fine with sleeping with a couple dif people at the same time, but finds he’s less open to other relationships when he starts to hook up more with cami. he spends time with her and his whole day, his whole view of the city feels like it brightens. he kisses her and it’s like sparks light up along his lips. he sleeps with her and finds himself much less interested in his own needs, far more focused on making sure she’s satisfied.

and all of this kind of piles into realization 2, which is that he genuinely just wants to see her happy. specifically no strings attached. this isn’t a ‘make them happy so i get something out of it down the line’ sort of thing, he just genuinely sees cami as this light in the dark of los santos, and he could stop talking to her tomorrow and he’d still want to at least know that every day she was better off than how she’d started. which is probably weird for him??? i don’t know if that’s happened at least since he was young. again, i mentioned him not really fully processing gil and francis as friends because he gets something out of their relationship business-wise and it’s kind of foolish to actually befriend your business partners. port’s the closest, but they feel more like brothers than friends, and it’d take a lot more to betray family, especially one that has helped and continues to help as much as he has. outside of her presence, cami doesn’t get much for toni that he couldn’t get elsewhere. he could find anyone to sleep with if he just cared about sex, he knows a few other good bakers and chefs in the town who could probably whip him up a batch of some tasty treat with the right amount of persuasion. she doesn’t have a lot of money, not many connections in town, and if anything he’s actually /losing/ things because of her, considering that time before where he spent money to help her with robbery repair costs + spent resources having some of the toros watch the area to keep hostile gangs away from her store. if this isn’t new for him, it’s old enough where it oughta be new, and a part of him says immediately to back out, that this is foolish, that this is how you die in this city. making connections when you’ve got a target on your back like he does. but then a part of him also points out that he could always just... get rid of the target. people want him dead for power, for money, sure, but if that wasn’t his anymore, no one’d have a reason to come after him /or/ her. it’s at least an idea he doesn’t immediately discard.

and as more time passes, he considers it more and more, until he finally brings the idea up to port, asking if port’s still planning to take over for toni after toni’s no longer running things. as always, port jokes about how yes yes when you finally die i’ll make sure the toros live on and forget you so they can look up to me, no worries, no worries, haha. toni offering what if this happened before he died though? what if it was actually a lot sooner than port thought? port laughing off the idea, asking if toni is bullshitting him, until he realizes toni /isn’t/ bullshitting him, hold on what the fuck. he’s quickly trying to question what he’s talking about, is he ill, is someone making him say that, blink once for yes, twice for no. toni laughs and waves off the pseudo-faux concern, insisting it’s just a thought, just something he’s been rolling around in his head lately. Port asking what on earth could make toni consider that, since he’s been giving everything he had to get to be where he is since they first met. toni’s ignored every religious insistence that crime is a sin not to be involved with, so what on earth could get him to consider actually stopping. toni hesitates before vaguely admitting, “There’s this woman” and port laughing hard, declaring bullshit again but once again more convinced by toni /not/ chuckling and smiling and waving it off as nothing to worry about. port asking “Did this woman threaten to kill you????” like what the fuck, and toni having to vaguely talk about how he’s been sort of head over heels lately, though not going into details on who it is. Port teases him for being lovesick, that he’d throw everything away for a romance that will fall apart in another week or two, but toni dismisses the prediction, as well as any concrete decision here. he’s still just considering, he just feels it would be better to retire if he did want to pursue anything more. besides, he can’t really complain retiring at his age. ludwig’s already running gil’s crew and he bets francis will have someone new soon enough as well. what if it’s time for the second stringers(or whatever) to have a chance at the gold. port rejects the idea of being called a second stringer, but ultimately agrees of course he’d take things over if toni wanted to retire, though he disagrees that toni should do it just for one person. finally he asks what toni’d even do if he retired from crime, with toni considering before prolly saying as a dramatic irony thing about cami, ‘y’know, i was considering taking up baking.’

and that idea stays in his head for a little while longer. if anything it grows stronger as he continues to fall for cami. i think he genuinely 100% considers a fantasy of dropping all this, moving to the north of the town where it’s a little safer, and just living his life with cami. it’s a period where he probably starts to mellow out just a little in the violence department as well. but it deosn’t last especially long, when a realization hits toni. i’m not sure how to get this through to him; i was originally suggesting some other higher up in the town being attacked, osmeone who got out of the game a year or so ago at least, but instead, i think i like cami’s shop being broken into again, the first time since that time toni offered helping with that. and this time it’s not just that they made a mess while looking for valuable shit to take. this was aggressive, this was violent for violence, this was a message. i think cami was hurt a little, with toros members in the area who moved in to attack the other gang when they made a move also suffering some injuries. as soon as toni finds out, he comes over to try and help, apologizing in a way that cami thinks is in a very ‘i’m sorry that this happened to you’ but is truly just toni taking this as his fault. and it kind of clicks that like, oh, no, he was wrong. he thought money and power would be the only major issues someone’d want to kill him, but he temporarily forgot about revenge and all that jazz.

and it takes a day or so to process everything before something snaps in toni and he just kinda realizes oh this was a mistake, i’ve made a mistake, what a fucking fool i am. i think he makes a show of force to the rival gang, but only in a way that toni feels won’t put camille in danger. he starts to pull back, eventually making up some excuse to ask that htey just be friends instead if that would be alright, though wanting very much to make it clear that he did like what they had, he did like her, it’s just not working out with him where he is right now and work’s been /so/ bussy and stress lately, she knows how it is, though. he hopes she’ll understand. when he breaks the news he won’t be retiring after all, what was he even thinking, the toros are the only home and family he needs, he says through a tone that port raises and eyebrow at. port teasingly upset at first, it was supposed to be his crew, soon, damnit): though ultimately yeah, he’s glad, wouldn’t have wanted to do this without the two of them working together. then it’s not too long after that that cami meets cian. and toni has to learn to be cool with him instead

#ignore this #i did not reread this to edit it because it's 11:45 and i'm tired #the boss kid #amusing muse musings #crossovers! unlimited crossovers!#crossovers gta edition

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occupyvenus · 7 years

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@doublehex replied to your post “Actual footage of aegony stans popping a bottle of champagne...”

You make it seem as if only J0nerys shippers bought into it. BryndenBFish thought it was a legit interview at first, and he was someone that has poured over most of GRRM's interviews. The way the interviewer wrote his responses were very cleaver. And it was written by no means a Jonsa shipper, because the Jonsa answer was just one small part about it. Get off your high horse and take a chill pill.

How about you get off my post and take a red pill that takes you back to reality?

I do not make it seem like only J0nerys shippers bought into it. I specifically made fun of the specific group of people (mostly J0nerys shippers) who used this interview as “prove” to debunk Jonsa and celebrated the “death of the delusional crackship” before getting all their facts straight. Yes, while the Jonsa passage was only a small part of the interview, I made fun of the people who only cared about this “small part” and made a big deal about it. Weak reading comprehension, much? Would explain a lot of things.

As a lot of other people, I didn’t dismiss the interview right away either, that would be just as biased as buying into it without any further questions. I thought maybe the “interviewer” had some personal connection to GRRM and he did them a solid by talking with them. I read the entire thing, while considering the problems that arise with automated translation and compared his statements with some he’s made before. I actually took my time to apply some critical thinking skills before forming a final opinion. The post was not directed at people like BryndenBFish (btw, what’s with the appeal to authority? People can’t think for themselves unless someone with supposed “higher credentials” gives them the green light to do so?) who did the same thing, who wasn’t sure about it’s legitimacy, but actually looked into it before drawing any final conclusions, but at the gullible, biased idiots who never learned to not believe everything they read on the internet. So what is your point exactly?

Btw, I retain the right to make fun of the people who didn’t even bother to look into it before making hateful, condescending, snarky posts because there were so many things that should make everyone capable of critical thinking at least a bit sceptical:

An exclusive interview with a high-caliber author is published on some random, unknown blog?

Why didn’t a “professional journalist” sell that thing to some news media, actually making some profit with their supposed profession?

Why wouldn’t the author at least take one picture with grrm?

One tiny little google session would’ve showed that this “interview” wasn’t picked up by any verified news outlet.

Neither westeros.org, nor the asoiaf wikia picked it up either. They’re usually pretty fast with that. Most interviews show up a few hours after they were published. Maybe because the administrators have connection to grrm and his pr-team themselves and are aware of any upcoming interviews?

The interview has no links to grrm’s blog, twitter, his official website and their was no mention of that interview on all these outlets either.

The interview was ill-formatted and the blog itself looks rather shitty. Not a sign of professionalism.

Why would GRRM agree to making interview that was only going to be published in Spanish? Why would GRRM agree to making an interview with such a low-profile outlet at all?

Those were at least a couple of things that seemed fishy about the circumstances of the “release”. If that wasn’t enough to at least raise one of your eyebrows, there are couple of things about the content that an attentive reader could/should have noticed:

George is praising D&D? After politely redirecting any questions about them with neutral answers? After throwing some epic shade at them not two months ago? (Like, he has no time to watch “his own show”, but fangirls about another? Sick burn, george.)

GRRM has never outright denied any fantheories. Here he takes strong stances about Azor Ahai and Jon’s endgame romantic partner. This isn’t about me being a pressed shipper, it simply isn’t in line with his previous reactions to questions like this. Do you remember the dubious, unambiguous way he talked about S@nsan in the past? He didn’t confirm it, he didn’t completely deny it. He

While we’re at the topic of the jonsa-passage, he contradicts himself numerous times here alone, for example: Well, in my books Jon Snow is dead ... but to find out about his possible relationship with Dany you have to keep reading. Any romantic relationship is very unlikely, because they only share a siblingy bond ... but Jon and Sansa don’t even have that. Like, what? Sounds awfully like a rehash of your usual anti-jonsa arguments, don’t you think? The creator of the whole series has no more to say than your average redditor?

Btw, Grrm honestly reacting to a question involving his original outline? When has that ever happened?

I remembered that Medusa interview, I don’t remember any news about it being fake. But in this interview it’s presented as fact and common knowledge?

GRRM answers a question about Arya by talking about how she isn’t like Sansa? Sounds less like him and more like your typical reddit douchebag.

Btw, he talks about revenge and it’s downfalls, but doesn’t bring up Lady Stoneheart? A character about whose non-inclusion in the show bugs him so much, he talks about her significance to the narrative every chance he gets?

At one point he emphasized that Jon is dead in the books, but later doesn’t correct the “interviewer” when she calls Jon a king? How is Jon a king in the books, btw? Or would GRRM really confirm in an interview that Jon will become KITN in the books too? Seems like an obvious mix up of book and show canon to me.

Another instance of this is him taking Cersei as an example that women can rule in Westeros, when talking about Asha. In the books, Cersei does not rule in her own right, she rules through her son. This is no correct comparison to Asha becoming queen of the Iron Islands, at least not for current book-canon. And Goerge doesn’t discuss show canon.

Just in general, many, many answers don’t hold up to the usual intellectual level displayed in his interviews.

He says Jon Snow isn’t a hero, that every question about right and wrong depends on which side you are own, - which sounds a lot like him - but “regarding Dany, deserving something because you're a good person doesn’t mean you will obtain it?” Biased, much?

GRRM confirms a couple of characters as bisexual, some very surprising candidates included, but doesn’t mention those who have relationships with both men and women in canon like Ellia, or even Jon ?

George names a rather specific release date for Winds of Winter?

Those are only a few things I remember. If I went through this glorious clusterfuck one more time, I’m sure to find more. There are so many things in this “interview” that stick out, but in the name of fairness, let’s look at some of the things that seemed convincing:

Some passages successfully copied Grrm’s way of speaking.

Some statements were in line with grrm’s usual style of answering spoilery questions. (You have to keep reading, the show is the show and the books are the books etc)

No one could be batshit crazy enough to seriously fake an interview with GRRM.

Sry, if all these red flags didn’t lead you to even do a bit of investigating, if instead, your first reaction was to make petty posts about “jonsa being dead” and “grrm killing jonsa” you deserve to be made fun of. Should I give you a pat on the back for focusing solely on the few things that seemed legit, while completely dismissing everything that pointed to the opposite?

Sry not sry, but after being called “delusional” for shipping Jonsa, despite bringing up a bunch of compelling arguments, while your strongest argument against it is screaming DELUSIONAL!!!, after being told “to seek professional help” thousands of time, I have absolutely no problem with pointing out the mass delusion that these assholes suffered from the last day. Payback’s a bitch. I actually made another post about why this whole surreal situation is so endlessly funny to me, and it has nothing to with people “who AT FIRST thought this as a legit interview”, before taking a closer look and realizing that it’s most likely forgery (like your weak argumentative shield BryndenBFish did).

It’s because of the sheer hypocrisy and the delicious irony:

J*nerys-stans and co were so desperate to discredit us “delusional crackshippers” that they took some random interview on some random blog with zero credentials, something that seemed fishy to anyone who took 5 minutes to clearly think about it, but instead they just swallowed it like a bowl of dramatic rice, because they were so excited about proving that other people are “delusional” and I just can’t. This morning there were dozens of posts celebrating that the “delusional jonsa stans will finally shut up about their delusional crack ship” and now they’re the ones whining about being called delusional and how unfair and inappropriate that is and, fuck, payback’s a bitch. Like, you gotta appreciate the fucking irony of the situation.

Never forget the blessed Halloween of 2k17 when antis got a taste of their own medicine. The dramatic rice remember.

Now pop in the blue pill and go back to the matrix where jonsa-shippers are the “delusional” ones, who only see what they want to see”. That’s the only place where you people can still pretend that jonsa-shippers are the ones who lack critical thinking skills. I’ll be enjoying the view from my high horse, thank you.

Actual footage of you, thinking you can get one over me with that weak ass comment.

#dramatic rice #jonsa #I have no more chill for these people #or their weak argumentation #none at all #aegony #anti-jonerys

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musingsfrommayhem · 6 years

Text

Beyond worst fears

Last night I went to the ER, and it felt so casual and routine. I had been semi-conscious for over an hour, the usual things weren’t helping. We had no choice but to go, and yet we knew nothing would come of it. I almost felt sorry for the doctor; I could tell he wasn’t used to saying “There’s nothing we can do”. But that’s the truth of it. They couldn’t really help, nor could they explain what was happening, and that’s just how things are right now.

It made me realize that I need to stop putting off making this post. Because for the last few weeks I’ve been radio silent, unwilling to put down the words that need to be said.

This post is about worst case scenarios.

As a child, I did not fear death. I knew I would die someday. I accepted that. I did fear spiders, and tsunamis, and losing the people I loved. And one more thing. One more thing that I didn’t dare say for fear of jinxing it.

That one thing was getting brain cancer. Because before it kills you, it ruins you. It can change your personality, your ability to speak, to think. It breaks apart who you are.

That’s how I saw it anyways.

And because I feared it so profoundly, I was certain it would never come true. Because this life is small and mundane and mine. Because the Big Bad Things happened in stories. Or to people far away. But not to me.

I can’t help but laugh in retrospect. Because, dear god, the dramatic irony is spectacular. When I was 13, my eye doctor said that my optic nerves looked funny. So he referred me to another doctor, who referred me to another, and eventually I wound up in Eye Doctor Grand Central at the children’s hospital of the biggest city nearby. They dilated my eyes, put me in a dark room, and took a flash picture of my optic nerves, so big and HD on the computer screen afterwards that I deemed it as beautiful as an optic nerve could be. They said it looked like a textbook case of Optic Nerve Head Drusen, nothing to worry about! Basically harmless! Except…

Except of course they couldn’t 100% guarantee that. Legally. Because it could also be a sign of a brain tumor. They could do an MRI to make sure, if we wanted! But I did not want. I walked out of the hospital and reassured my mom. Because I knew. I knew it couldn’t be brain cancer. Because worst nightmares stay in your dreams, so long as you wish them there hard enough.

I’ll never know if that was an early sign of the brain tumor I have now. If the tumor was already growing in my head. Or if it’s just another one of those wacky coincidences. I’ll have to live with not knowing that. Because I wasn’t ready to face my nightmare then.

We’re never ready.

We’re never really ready to watch our worst fears become reality. To live out the worst case scenario.

And before I proceed, I have to acknowledge that in many ways life has been very merciful to me, just as it has in many ways been cruel. This is not an “oh-woe-is-me” story, or a “my-life-is-worse-than-yours” story. This is just one little piece of surviving.

When I was first told I had an unknown lesion in my brain, everything went cold. In an instant the blood in my veins turned to ice water, trickling through my body and freezing me with dread. I was filled with fight-or-flight adrenaline, when I had the power to do neither. So instead I froze. A part of my mind schismed off into wordless emotion, shrieking unspoken fears. Another part asked calculating, reasonable questions of the doctor with the bad news, probably scaring the poor woman, because I know my eyes were as cold as the frost that gripped the rest of me. The rest of my being watched, and listened, and withheld judgement.

At that point there were three options: brain infection (virtually impossible as I lacked those symptoms), demyelination (e.g. multiple sclerosis), or a “low grade glioma”. At that point the doctors never used the word tumor. They didn’t say cancer. And when I asked point blank, they dodged my questions.

Three months after, I still had no answers, and I believed it was a demyelination. It fit some of the symptoms I had. It was terrible, but in all likelihood, life would go on.

Four months after, demyelination was ruled out, those symptoms assigned to other disorders and illnesses.

Six months after, they wanted to do surgery. Nothing big. A biopsy, just to make sure. They still didn’t say cancer. There was still a chance, however infinitesimal, that it was some strange infection or scarring.

Then the results. Stage 2 Astrocytoma. Brain tumor.

The doctors parsed their words: “it’s slow growing” “probably been there for years” “should be no problem” “practically benign”.

And then the problems arose. The area was too risky for surgery; they wouldn’t be able to get it all out without breaking me or killing me. And of course this particular type of mutated cell is resistant to chemotherapy.

That leaves one option: Radiation.

And the radiation doctor by no means parsed her words.

Radiation units are the dungeons of the hospital, multiple levels below ground, to keep the radiation from seeping into the rest of the building and poisoning other patients. The air itself is heavy down there, compressed by so many feet of rock and concrete.

The woman at the check-in desk was too cheerful. The decorations of the room domineeringly bright and happy. That’s never a good sign.

The radiation doctor told me that radiation would wreak havoc on my system, even more so because of my other chronic illnesses. So we would need to wait for my other symptoms to be managed. Wait, knowing the tumor is there, before all hell breaks loose.

She told me that it may cause more brain tumors to form, in years to come. That it may cause brain damage to my memory center, maybe other things too.

She told me that, once it’s been administered, radiation can never be taken back.

She told me that my brain tumor is likely to kill me. But not this year, or next. With treatment, I could have ten years.

My mother sat next to me. I am her youngest daughter. In many ways she has hurt and betrayed me, but still our souls are mirrors of each other, and her life is inexorably tied to mine

Those words fell and I could hear all the breath leave my mother’s lungs as she spoke a single word

-What-

I listened to her fear, her horror, her sorrow. A thousand emotions I couldn’t name, all in a single word. I listened to one of her worst case scenarios, just as I was living one of mine.

Because once again I had gone cold, down to my marrow. This time, my mind broke in many directions, all at once.

I am twenty years old and full of ambition, listening to a death sentence.

I am a young woman, deeply in love, imagining my death with fear for the first time, like a premonition of my partner’s grief.

I am a passionate believer in a better world, seeing my life snuffed out before I can help create such a place.

I am 13 years old again, my world shattering as my worst case scenario crawls its way out of my nightmares and latches itself firmly into the sub cortical white matter of my left frontal lobe.

If I were to tell that situation to a younger version of myself, her image of life would have cut off right then. Right there. The moments beyond the worst case scenario don’t exist. Those are uncharted waters.

But life didn’t end right there. It didn’t end when the doctor left the room and my mother turned to me, words overwrought with emotions unimaginable on the tip of her tongue. Life didn’t end when I cut her off before she could even begin, dashing away the stray tears that had leaked from my eyes. I told her that all I needed was for her to keep her emotions to herself. It didn’t end when we left the office, and I waited outside the bathroom and listened to my mother sob.

It didn’t end.

I keep going with school. I adopted a rabbit, and am in the process of earning my new emotional support bunny’s trust. I make new friends, and sing in my a cappella group, and keep living my normal-not-normal life. I’ve cried a lot alone, and a little with other people. I keep breathing.

I started a blog, because if my days on this earth are more severely numbered than so many other people, then I should probably share what insight I have now, rather than leave the world with no record of my small successes and failures when I do die.

I don’t believe the radiation doctor’s expiration date on my life.

I’ve pulled off miracles before, and I am going to keep pulling off miracles. I’m going to make everything out of my life that I possibly can. I’m going to do my best to live forward with courage, because I must make the most of my precious moments on earth, no matter how much I may be hurt or damaged or betrayed.

I believe that I’m going to live and beat the odds. And in the moments when I don’t believe it, I still tell myself that I do. I tell myself that I believe it with all my heart and soul.

That belief is part of what carries me through nights spent in the ER, when everything hurts and the doctors can’t help. Because if I’ve managed to survive some of my worst case scenarios, then I can keep surviving today.

And tomorrow.

And the day after that.

#personal blog #chronic illness #cancer #brain #brain tumor #spoonie #spoonie strong #positivity #hope #optimism #prose #writing

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heyitscmei · 7 years

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so i see theres some theory talk floating around

but this post isnt really to do with theories so much as characterization

i had a whole thread over on twitter but ill just copy and paste some thoughts here in regards to one particular post ive seen floating around and some posts linked within im not trying to start fights or anything, im just expressing some thoughts of my own which is why im not linking to the post in question anyways

just a reminder, keith isnt a good liar so unless he became a good liar in the time that shiro was gone, i sincerely dont think he was lying to shiro when he told him that the team needed him

but whether or not he became a good liar or not, one thing is certain based on what weve been shown:

keith is a capable leader, but he still hasnt quite grown into the role yet

keith still hasnt quite learned how to pick his battles

thats why i dont think its quite right to say that hes more capable of a leader than shiro with time, he could be thats something even shiro himself saw in keith: potential

however something thats been made clear to us is that keith still needs to learn a little

shiro on the other hand, has experience being in a leader role hes the garrisons golden boy, the pilot of the kerberos mission and he was the head of voltron for a reason black chose him for a reason

he is capable he is a role model for keith keith tells shiro that the team needs him that he cant do it and isnt as good of a leader as shiro because its what he believes to be true

keith is honest and straightforward he knows hes lacking and he doesnt try to pretend that hes a perfect leader he KNOWS hes still struggling between doing what he WANTS to do and doing what he SHOULD do - with accepting that the things he wants to do arent necessarily good for the team to be doing

hes grown immensely in the time he has been leader, but hes not the leader they need to defeat lotor not the way he is right now and he KNOWS that

as for shiro... i can agree that maybe leading voltron gave him control something that hed been robbed of in his captivity but i also dont think that hes the type to really let things like betrayal or jealousy or whatever cloud his vision shiro from the start has always seemed to put their purpose before himself hes never given the impression of being a selfish enough person to have issues over who the leader is he seems more likely to be the type to think 'if this is what it takes, well do it this way'

i think hes being genuine when he says hes glad the team didnt lose sight of things in his absence because thats just how he is hes glad that his absence didnt become their undoing because hes only one person winning the war means saving a lot more than that hes proud of them for that because thats shiro thats what hes like selfless but driven

not once has he ever complained about being thrust into this war even though hes got more than enough reasons to complain because he sees this mission and he knows its for the greater good he knows first hand how bad it can be he wants to spare people from that its like hes selfless to a fault so i dont think he actually has any issues with feeling left out or feeling as though hes the odd one out from the team if that were really the case, i dont think hed guide from the castle as easily as he is theres no reservations or hesitation he doesnt seem to think 'im not part of this anymore' so much as 'im part of this, but in a different way from usual'

keith is so willing to step aside for shiro because ultimately he still believes wholeheartedly that shiro is most suited to lead

keith has never cared about claiming or holding onto the leader position

now in the interest of explaining why i dont think the reasons the OP of the post mentioned that make shiro a bad leader dont actually make shiro a bad leader, i addressed each reason individually so 1) in regards to when shiro tries to carry lance outside after lance protects coran from the bomb

why does he do it? well its not a good idea to leave an injured teammate alone, for one for two, if the explosion was within the castle, its pretty reasonable to think the castle isnt safe either ultimately, while the castle is big, you dont want to be cornered in the very place that the galra are likely to infiltrate

what are the galra after? the lions where are the lions? in the castle where will the galra be going then? the castle so where do you not want to be with your injured teammate? the castle

not to mention, without the crystal, the castle is generally nonfunctional the chances of lance being okay are ultimately greater if shiro gets him out of the castle at least, its a risk shiro is willing to take

why tell pidge to come back when shiro will have the easier time getting lance to safety? not to mention shiro is already there with him its not like he could tell when exactly pidge would be done sending coran and hunk off theres also no telling how long it would take for pidge to get to them its not a wise decision to just stay put inside the enemies main target while knowing the team was so separated

tell allura to come back? let keith check the arusian village by himself? thats not a smart idea either we know that it was ruse to separate them, but the team didnt know that at the time dramatic irony

so from shiros perspective, its better if allura and keith go to the arusian village together because at least they have an ally to watch their backs in the event that something is wrong you dont hear that a village is under attack and assume it wont be dangerous safety in numbers

2) regarding shiro and his decisions about when to fight and when not to fight

its worth mentioning that first and foremost, shiro never makes a decision that he doesnt wait for the others inputs on hes not the type to force them to do something if the majority disagrees with his decisions

but a very important thing about being a leader is knowing when to choose your battles this is especially emphasized in s3 however, whether to fight or retreat hasnt always necessarily been dependent on whether the odds are in their favour or not

one such exception is when they decided to take on zarkons command center

shiro knew that keith was right when he said theyd be bringing zarkon exactly what he wants he wasnt ignoring him shiro was the one who said himself that the odds would be against them even in season 1 it isnt as though he suddenly changed his mind what changed was that they had allura

and allura is a lot more than just a part of the team shes the altean princess shes the true leader of the entire damn war shes too important for them to lose

things they lose if they lose allura? - the ability to wormhole, thus reducing their mobility by a great deal - a key figurehead in the war and the person who best handles the talks and meetings with the other planets

not to mention that she has powers all of them lack, including coran

someone like that isnt exactly easily replaced

shiro said it himself when the others reminded him he was the one who said they shouldnt take on zarkons central command at first they had no choice but to attack zarkons command center

they had to try because, the way he probably saw it, the war was as good as lost if they didnt save allura anyways

in s2 when zarkon manages to keep finding them, keith says they can fight that they should fight (this is actually considered a flaw that he needs to overcome, and is addressed in s3 - he needs to learn to choose his battles) but shiro says that they dont stand a chance against zarkon and his entire fleet

again, he didnt just suddenly change his mind and hes not being hypocritical in any way he explains why they cant because keith doesnt know how to pick his battles yet

they pull back, because shiro doesnt yet see a chance for them to come out of the battle victoriously theyre not prepared yet

later when shiro says that they will be attacking, its different its on their terms its not him listening to keith because he suddenly saw an error in his own judgement or whatever this is shiro acknowledging that there is an advantage to be gained this way they have a chance here that isnt more likely to leave them all dead thats called picking your battles

shiro isnt a bad leader for it in fact, its exactly what will make keith a better leader in s3

3) regarding shiro and keith and leadership

shiro does not have 'a lot of nerve' to tell keith that he has to control his emotions if hes going to lead

shiro is well aware of the fact that sometimes, when youre put into a position where youre responsible for not just yourself, but a whole team of people, you cant let your judgement be clouded by emotions sometimes the things you have to do are not always the things you want to do

its true that keith is rational and can make smart decisions, but in the context of when shiro says this to keith its because he acknowledges that keith still lets emotions cloud his vision sometimes and the scene prior was one of those times you cant lash out at your team you have to talk to them properly thats the kind of thing shiro is trying to have keith understand

(and for the record, the decision to attack zarkons command center was not a decision that seemed to be based on emotion. at the time they attacked, shiro was not aware of the control zarkon still had over the black lion, so he couldnt have been scared of that and sure he might have been scared about what would happen to himself, to allura, to the team, but it was a risk they had to take because allura is too crucial to their mission - thats not an emotional decision its a smart one)

but hes not saying "dont be like me" to keith when he says keith has to control his emotions hes saying this because he acknowledges that keith has potential but he also acknowledges that his potential is still hindered by things that keith needs to work on and overcome

also, keith going against zarkon was not emotionally driven it was more likely keiths idea of a way to gain a huge advantage in the war no emperor to lead automatically means that the opposing side is weakened substantially

it wasnt necessarily the right thing to do either keith had no idea of what zarkon was capable of (pick your battles - going in blind isnt exactly advisable and coran even TELLS him not to do it. coran has been shown to have known more, which is a given considering he was present 10000 years ago)

also shiro doesnt have blind faith in keith for a long time now, canon has been hinting that shiro and keith have a backstory shiro knows keith better than anyone else because the rescue from the garrison was very clearly not their first meeting ("its good to have you back", “its good to be back”)

also the insinuation that shiro is not fit to lead because he has ptsd... yikes i dont think i need to elaborate on why exactly that implication is yikes-worthy

its true that keith displays leadership potential early on in the show but this doesnt necessarily mean that shiro isnt a good leader and that keith is automatically better

shiro isnt perfect, but hes a great leader canon has told us time and time again that keith has to grow into the role

(also the reason keith follows shiro and not the other way around: shiro changed his life. shiro is a positive person in his life and keith both trusts and relies on him because shiro didnt give up on him. this is why he follows shiro)

shiro doesnt "hold him back" shiros done nothing but push keith forward and support him keith would be insulted if someone thought shiro was any less than his biggest supporter (”if it wasnt for you, my life would have been a lot different”, “shiro is the only person who didnt give up on me - i wont give up on him”) shiro showing keith reason and explaining why they cant follow through on some of the things keith wants to do isnt "holding him back"

its true keith sees a lot of good stuff in shiro but the same is true for shiro to keith its mutual and shiro tells keith he wants him to lead voltron not because he doesnt want keith to follow him and wants to follow keith instead he tells keith this because shiro acknowledges that sometimes in war, things happen he could die and hes had some close calls he wants keith to lead because he knows he can trust keith to lead the team he knows that if keith leads, even if hes gone the team will be left in capable hands hes been trying to nurture that

4) in regards to keith stopping pidge from leaving and shiro stopping keith

keith is right about pidge putting two people over the universe however shiro is right about how you cant force people to be part of the team you dont nurture bonds that way you dont build a team that way

why? how do you expect to build a functioning team if a member is reluctant to be part of it

personally speaking, when i dont want to do something i dont end up doing the thing as well as i could be and im unhappy doing the thing the whole time

thats not good for the team shiro knows this and so, if pidges mind really cant be changed, he wont force her to stay also, paladins can be replaced and im sure shiro knows that considering when they first met allura, she asked them what happened to the blue lions paladin they know there were paladins before they know that they are not the first they are not the only paladins

it wouldve set them back, but if they really needed to, theyd look for a new green paladin to take pidges place you cant fight a war with someone who isnt willing to fight a war

also to say that shiro doesnt care about finding the holts as much is just.. first of all, weve established that shiro puts their purpose first im more sure that he wants to find them and just knows they dont have the time to put all their focus on finding two people when a universe is at stake

whether they have to find a new green paladin hinges on pidge, but hes not going to force her to stay besides, forcing someone to stay and fight a war... it doesnt sound like a good idea, ultimately keiths heart is in the right place and he has the right idea, but theres more to being a leader than telling people what to do its a job that requires understanding, especially for the people within the team

its true it wouldve been dangerous for pidge, but shiro is a recently escaped captive from the galra empire this, in addition to who he seems to be as a person... i think the last thing he wants to do is keep someone somewhere against their will and force them into doing something

and shiro telling keith he wants him to lead wasnt him trying to force the role on keith he was trying to give voltron the biggest winning chance in the event that he would be unable to lead them (for obvious reasons considering theyre fighting a war)

and thats about everything i have to say but im just leaving these here to organize some of those thoughts its kind of a mess but i tried to address everything i order as best as i could

#voltron #shiro #keith #meta #for lack of a better term #idk what to call this #but i wanna have a place i can easily access it so thats as good as any #cmei rambles

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