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house-of-kells · 5 years

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A place where I am not myself.

Syntheticspacemagic | Fluff | Ikora x Shiro-4 | SFW

Ikora had always liked being alone with her thoughts. Alone on mercury when the guardian went in after Osiris and Sagira, alone when she stormed her way through the crucible, and alone when it was just her and her ghost wandering the jungles of what had once been known as Africa, when she was still a fresh guardian.

But this time was different, staring out at the traveler as it pulled itself back together, Ikora felt, for once, uncomfortable with being alone with her thoughts. she rubbed her palms over the smooth wood beneath her hands as she leaned out over the railing not unlike she had seen Zavala do so many times. the dramatic irony was not lost on her. It had been only 2 weeks since the guardian had returned from the tangled shore, informing the two remaining vanguard of Prince Uldren’s death.

Despite having been the one to send the guardian on that journey, Ikora felt no sense of relief, no satisfaction, only what she could describe as disappointment. disappointment not in the guardian, but in herself, she had gone behind Zavala’s back to OK a mission that had in the grand scheme of things, accomplished nothing. the two vanguard leaders still had not spoken.

“Ikora.” a synthesized voice behind her spoke, low and solemn. Ikora turned her head slightly, just enough to see the speaker from her peripheral vision. Shiro-4, one of Cayde’s closest friends, leaned against the wall fifteen feet from where she stood, hands folded over his chest, regarding her with his robotic eyes, and for once Ikora wished that Exos’ could display just a little more emotion. “Shiro, what are you doing here.” she responded in the same solemn tone, ordinarily she’d be more cordial, shaking his hand, all business, but today she just couldn’t muster the effort.

Shiro sported a new cloak sown from black cloth, instead of the yellow cloth he had worn originally, the cloak sported a long red stripe down its left half, as though mirroring the cloak Cayde had once worn. as he shifted his weight, Ikora caught a glint of silver at his hip, a small unassuming sidearm was strapped there.

“I came to check in, got a message from Cayde saying he had died, and left some things for me.” he shifted uncomfortably. “whole place isn’t what I expected to come back to honestly.” Ikora turned back to stare up at the traveler again. “and what were you expecting Shiro?” Shiro stood up to his full height, no longer leaning against the wall, and approached. “wasn’t expecting Cayde dead and you and Zavala giving each other the cold shoulder, that’s for sure.” he gestured to the railing next to her. “May I?” Ikora waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, and he mimicked her position, hands placed on the railing, only his eyes weren’t on the traveler.

Ikora held the silence for a few long moments, cherishing it, before snapping it in her hands. “I never intended it to be like this.” she said, lowering her eyes to the city. “I’m assuming you mean the guardian skipping off to the shore to do the deed.” Shiro quipped. Ikora nodded in confirmation, honestly Shiro would have made a fine hidden had he been a warlock, his skills of perception almost beyond reason. “I thought it would bring...” Ikora paused searching for a phrase to convey what she felt, in truth she had no idea what she had ‘thought it would bring’.

Once again Shiro came to her rescue. “you thought it would help things make sense, like how it used to be. you thought it would drive Zavala onto your path. you thought it would bring resolution to Cayde’s death.” again he had hit the nail on the head, but Ikora made no move to confirm his guess. “I feel as though your words are wasted on me Shiro, why are you here exactly?” the exo shifted a bit, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “ah, well, you see...” he shrugged. “when Andal died, there was this restaurant I brought Cayde to, down in the city, it was sort of a place away from places, if you get what I mean.” she didn’t. “No I don’t I’m afraid.” Shiro sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Cayde eventually ended up calling it ‘the place where I can be not myself’, its sort of a place where you don’t have to be a guardian for a while. you’re a guardian, but not there. you’re a soldier, but not there. you’re a civilian, a titan, a warlock, a hunter. but not there.”

Ikora finally looked over to the hunter, the barest hint of a smile gracing her face, the thought of a place where she could think things over not as the vanguard, not as a guardian, not as a scholar, but as herself, as Ikora, seemed oddly cathartic.

“you know Shiro, I think I would like that.” she said, keeping her eyes on the traveler. the hunter nodded. “I’ll get it set up, and ping you the coordinates tonight, wear something nice.” he looked down at her robes. “and uh, not that sort of nice, like, normal nice.” Ikora didn’t understand but nodded along anyway. “Great.” Shiro said, rising up again to his full height “just look, not you.” he said, striding away. Ikora shook her head, wondering how in the world she could not look like herself.

it had taken a few hours for Shiro to send her the coordinates as well as a time, and a few hours more for her to put together a suitable disguise, but Ikora had managed to dig the robes she had worn as a young guardian out of her closet, and reattach the shoulder sling to her old shotgun, Invective. the robes were simple, maroon in color, with black leather serving to fill in the gaps, and a handy hood to pull over her head. across her arm, Ikora had placed one of her old wearable colliders’, and had departed the tower in secret, placing an old teal helm over her head, and pulling up the hood about her neck.

saying the restaurant was hard to find was the understatement of a lifetime, even with her ghost, Hugin, supplying active coordinates, it had taken them nearly two hours to find it, and the result both was and wasn’t what Ikora had been expecting. put together from what seemed to be random bits of metal and wood, the ‘restaurant’ was nothing more than a large shack with a corrugated steel panel as a roof, hanging from the roof, just above the doorway, was a fizzled out neon sign suspended by wires threaded through what looked suspiciously like bullet holes; the sign read “the Middle of Nowhere”. Ikora looked around, there was no sign of Shiro yet, and this didn’t feel like the sort of place to be alone in, and she began to have second thoughts. letting out a small hum, Ikora leaned toward Hugin and said “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea...” just as she began to turn to leave, a familiar voice called out to her.

“Ikora.” Shiro called from across the small grassy yard outside of the shack. jogging across, he stopped a few feet in front of her. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.” Ikora nodded cautiously. “Shiro when you said a place...” she paused, uncertain. “I wasn’t expecting this.” Shiro nodded, easily reading what she implied. “yeah I know, but give it a shot, and if you don’t like it, we don’t come back. Deal?” Ikora felt a bit shocked by how forward he was being, she had never taken a chance to talk to Shiro without being in a vanguard meeting, and now that she was alone with him, his calm reassurance was... nice. “Alright.” she managed to say. “I can give it a try.”

“Fantastic.” Shiro replied, moving towards the shack, Ikora in tow. before the pair arrived at the door, Shiro laid his arm across her shoulders; when she moved to step away, he tightened his grip. “okay Ikora, trust me on this, you’re gonna want me around here, at least until folks warm up to you, so just follow my lead.” Ikora sighed slightly and nodded, Shiro nodded in return, before pushing open the door to the restaurant, while saying. “welcome to the Middle of Nowhere.”

Despite its outward appearance, the inside of the shack was well lit, with round tables, their finish almost completely peeled off, and old rustic chairs, which probably never had any finish applied in the first place, light bulbs hung from cords stretching upwards to the ceiling; off to the left on the far side of the single room was a bar, in similar condition to the tables and chairs. as the pair entered, figures seated alone or in groups at the tables turned their eyes on Ikora and Shiro. Ikora felt Shiro shift his hand down from her shoulder to around her waist, while he simultaneously raised his other hand into the air slightly and lowered his head in what Ikora could only describe as a half nod. the patrons, most of them hunters by Ikora’s wager, repeated the gesture, lowering their heads and raising their hands, before returning to their drinks or other activities.

pulling her over to an empty table with two chairs, Shiro took his hand from Ikora’s waist and kicked one of the chairs out from the table a ways, before taking the other chair and sitting down. Ikora took the chair shiro had moved, presumably for her in the weird way hunters did things, and sat, pulling herself up to the table. after a moment a young woman came by and dropped two old menu’s onto the table between them. “Anything for drinks?” she asked, pulling out a notepad, her tone somewhat apathetic. “Two glasses of water, and something for a departed friend if you get my meaning.” Shiro chimed in. the woman nodded, not looking up from the notepad. “Sure thing Shiro.” she turned on her heel and wove her way through the tables back to the bar. Ikora stared after her for a few seconds before pulling one of the menu’s across the table and beginning to unfold it, turning her gaze back to Shiro. “they know you?” Shiro nodded. “yeah, and before you ask, they don’t care that we’re guardians, place operates on a ‘don’t ask don’t tell policy’” Shiro reached out and placed his hand on top of Ikora’s menu, obscuring her vision of the orders. “and don’t, order anything here.” Ikora would have asked why but decided against it, Shiro was clearly in his element here, and it felt best to just follow his lead.

The woman returned with the glasses and a dark bottle of cheap wine, which Shiro took and thanked her, tipping her a few pieces of glimmer before turning his attention back to Ikora. “So Ikora.” he began, and Ikora braced herself. “I heard what happened, and I’m not talking about Cayde, I’m talking about you and Zavala.” there it was, the question she had hoped not to hear. “Listen Shiro, I appreciate this, but I don’t think” she was cut off by Shiro leaning forward, onto the table. “I know you don’t think this is a good Idea Ikora, but I want to hear your side of things, every guardian I’ve talked to knows Zavala’s side, but I want to hear yours.”

Ikora took a moment to compose herself, sifting through her memories, trying to find a place to start; after she had compiled what she felt was a proper explanation, she cast her eyes downward to her hands. “I didn’t understand.” she finally said, watching Shiro sit back, listening. “with Cayde dead, I didn’t understand why Zavala didn’t want to go after Uldren Sov, at first I thought him a coward, too afraid of his own light’s frailty to trust anyone else to do a good job, it felt as though he thought if he couldn’t do something, no one could.” Shiro nodded. “But that wasn’t the case.” he prompted, and Ikora shook her head. “No it wasn’t, after the guardian returned, and I felt no satisfaction, I turned my thoughts inward.” she looked up to Shiro’s glowing blue eyes. “if we had sent an army, a raid party, or even a fire-team, the chances of an unnecessary loss would have skyrocketed, and...” she paused for a second, casting her eyes back down to her hands and willing herself to say what she had been avoiding, a result she had until now refused to face. “And despite all how much I despaired, Cayde was still just a single guardian, a loss of another guardian wouldn’t have changed that. simple numbers.”

As Ikora stared down at her hands, clenched into fists, another gloved hand appeared, looking up slightly, Ikora watched Shiro place his right hand over top her left, a small gesture of reassurance. “from up in the tower, it all seems like simple math and science.” he said, his tone soft. “if we lose two guardians instead of one, its a net loss, if we don’t prove a point here or there, net loss.” he stared at Ikora intently. “but down here, when the enemy really hits home, its not so simple anymore.” Ikora nodded, and Shiro sat back in his chair, pouring some of the wine at the table into a spare glass and pushing it towards her. “I know it’s tough, believe me, but it’ll get better. I promise” Ikora nodded, removing her teal helmet. as the cool air hit her face, she felt her eyes burn, withing the confines and filtered air of her helmet, she had failed to realize she had begun to cry. “thank you Shiro.” she managed, her voice warbling as she spoke; she grasped the glass and took a sip, it had a strange, sour flavor to it, but not a flavor she despised. Shiro emptied his glass of water before filling it again with wine, and raised it slightly. “to Cayde.” Ikora nodded and raised her glass slightly off the table as well.

Ikora couldnt help but giggle as Shiro regaled her with yet another tale of Cayde’s antics before he became a vanguard, tipping back her glass, Ikora noticed she had run out of wine again, and went to pour more wine into her glass another time, only to have none pour from the bottle. as she sat there, pondering why nothing was happening, Shiro gently took the bottle from her hand, and placed it on the table, next to the other empty bottle. “I think that’s enough Ikora, its getting late.” Ikora stared at him, dumbfounded. “It is?” she peered up at the small clock on a nearby wall, trying to will her vision to stop wobbling so she could see the time. Shiro took her gently by the arm, and led her out of the bar, and Ikora had to admit, the cool night air did help straighten out her vision a bit, but not her balance, as she would have almost immediately fallen had it not been for Shiro’s support. leaning her full weight against him, she stumbled along with him back in the vague direction of the tower. as he helped her into her dormitory, Ikora put her free hand on his shoulder. “I wanted to thank you Shiro, it was nice to be away from the tower for a while.” Shiro seemed to nod. “whatever you say Ikora, you should get some sleep.” not that it had been mentioned, Ikora felt the weight of exhaustion creeping over her body, nodding along with him, she mumbled. “yes, sleep would be nice...” Shiro helped her over to the couch, too unfamiliar with the layout of her room to help her to her bed, before turning to leave. “try to take it easy tomorrow Ikora.” he called over his shoulder, Ikora simply waved her hand in agreement, pulling Invective off of her shoulder, and allowing it to drop onto the ground with a loud thud. the last thing she remembered was watching Shiro close the door behind him, bathing the room in darkness.

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