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#that he had made choices that led to this being the reality of his relationship with his dad. and he is supposed to be ok with that

reunionatdawn · 2 months

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Weighing in on ATLA shipping discourse

Iroh: You're not the man you used to be, Zuko. You are stronger and wiser and freer than you have ever been. And now you have come to the crossroads of your destiny. It's time for you to choose. It's time for you to choose good.

Why did Zuko have a fever after decided to let go of his Blue Spirit mask? Well, the imagery suggested that he experienced a Kundalini awakening. A Kundalini awakening is a profound spiritual experience that involves the activation and rising of Kundalini energy, located at the base of the spine. In Hindu and yogic traditions, Kundalini is often depicted as a coiled serpent, symbolizing dormant spiritual potential.

Ida and Pingala are the two energy channels that run alongside the spinal column and correspond to the left and right sides of the body, respectively. Ida is associated with the feminine or yin aspect. It is linked to qualities such as calmness, receptivity, intuition, and nurturing. It is also associated with the moon, coolness, and the element of water.

Pingala represents the masculine or yang aspect. It is associated with qualities such as activity, dynamism, alertness, and willpower. It is associated with the sun, warmth, and the element of fire. In the yogic tradition, the balance and harmonization of Ida and Pingala are considered essential for achieving physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.

Once the two energies combine at the crown chakra, a person's consciousness is supposed to transcend duality. What does that mean, exactly? It means to move beyond the perception of reality as consisting of opposing or dualistic concepts, such as good and bad, light and dark, right and wrong, or self and other. You understand that these apparent opposites are part of the same unified whole and are interconnected in a deeper, more profound way.

"I was head writer of ATLA, and this is exactly how I see it! There was some controversy that Zuko made the "wrong choice" at the end of season 2. A lot of fans were ANGRY! But it had to be this way… we wanted him to get everything he thought he wanted. The triumphant return. His father's respect, and a seat at his right hand. Only then could Zuko truly outgrow these things, and choose to do the right thing in a meaningful way." (Aaron Ehasz)

So, the symbolism definitely favors Zutara in that respect. Katara learned through Zuko that the Fire Nation is not innately evil. Even though he hurt her with his "wrong" decision, part of her character arc was understanding why he did it and being able to forgive him. And because he made that choice, she could trauma-dump onto him and that led to her gaining closure about her mother's death.

"I was head writer of ATLA. Azula and Zuko's relationship was not always well understood, even by the team internally. Azula loved Zuko, more than anyone save her father. She also felt competitive with him for their parents' attention of course, but since she had alienated herself from her mother, she focused her energy on pleasing dad… which of course meant acting in more and more intense and possibly evil ways." "By the end of the series, of course, her loss of her friends shatters the part of her identity that she could somehow control affection and love through intimidation. As a result she spirals… I did however intend to leave a kernel of humanity, and had we made a season 4 Azula would have completely bottomed and we would have explored the possibility of a path to redemption. True story!" (Aaron Ehasz)

But it's not even just Zutara. What I found interesting was that Azula was the blue dragon and Iroh the red dragon. Azula was crazy and needed to go down, right? By siding with his sister, you're meant to think that Zuko chose "evil" instead of "good". But it looks like some of the writers meant for it to be more complicated than that. There was no "good" or "evil" choice. Azula had a softer "yin" side, too.

Zuko wanted to get along with his sister. He did not want to kill her, even though Iroh thought that was the only option. The fact that Azula never got her redemption arc did a massive disservice to Zuko's arc as well. The fact that Azula had good in her is exactly why Zuko's choice in BSS couldn't truly be called "wrong" or "evil".

Azula loved Zuko and that idea wasn't conveyed very well in the cartoon. She was the one person on that beach who actually did understand him. She was jealous that Zuko chose the Avatar over her. And she knew that targeting Katara with her lightning was the best way to hurt Zuko. Katara found a non-lethal way to defeat Azula for Zuko's sake. Because after seeing how hard it was for him to fight her, she finally understood why he made his choice in Ba Sing Se.

"[Azula] had not bottomed in the end of season 3, she had further to go. At the deepest moment in her own abyss she would have found: Zuko. Despite it all, her brother Zuko would be there for her. Believing in her, sticking by her, doing his best to understand and help her hold her pain that she can no longer hold alone. Zuko — patient, forgiving, and unconditionally loving – all strengths he gained from Uncle Iroh." "And I always imagined that after coming out the other side, she would be one of those people who hilariously over-shares her own feelings all the time, and that she would be a bit over-apologetic. Like a Canadian version of Azula." (Aaron Ehasz)

The first episode of Book 3 was called The Awakening. Aang literally awakened to the energy twisted up in the middle of his back. He did not complete his spiritual transformation. The Kundalini energy did not reach his crown chakra. It was still blocked because he had an attachment to Katara that he hadn't worked through yet.

Zuko's awakening was figurative. Mai didn't understand how he felt. Symbolically, when she turned his head to kiss him, it showed the audience the scarred side of his face. When Zuko lied his sister, the unscarred side of his face was shown. I suspect that the writer for the episode, Aaron Ehasz, wanted to hint that Zuko did still feel a connection to Katara and didn't want Azula going after her and Aang.

Zuko in The Crossroads of Destiny was not supposed to be the same Zuko from The Avatar State. Both versions of Zuko still wanted to go home. But 201 Zuko was motivated more by selfish attachment. 220 Zuko was more motivated by love. He loved Azula unconditionally. Even with all of her twisted, ugly, and cruel behavior. His consciousness had transcended the duality of Iroh and Azula being opposites where one is "bad" and the other is "good". During The Beach he was fantasizing about a time when Iroh played with both of them as little kids. Back when they were all a family.

Mai: You know what will make you feel better? Ordering some servants around. I might be hungry for a whole tray of fruit tarts. And maybe a little palanquin ride around town. Double time.

I don't dislike Mai. I think she is an interesting character who was not a bad person or anything. I just thought she served a very specific narrative purpose. She was there to show how Zuko wasn't compatible with his old lifestyle anymore.

Mai wanted a typical socialite boyfriend. They really didn't get along too well or have much to say to each other during The Beach. She didn't like him when he started talking about his trauma and showed his uglier side. Zuko was insecure and jealous because he was not even sure if she really liked him. And she didn't even know the person he was after his banishment, only the person he was as a child. When he turned his head away from her, his unscarred side was shown.

Zuko: When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was literally at his right hand. Mai: Zuko, that's wonderful! You must be happy. Zuko: During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted. But I wasn't me.

He walked out of that war meeting with the scarred side showing. Mai didn't love Zuko. She loved the perfect prince. The fantasy she built up in her head and the role Zuko was acting out at the start of the episode when he was ordering her the fancy fruit tarts.

Mai: I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.

Mai stood up to Azula to save Zuko, and she genuinely believed she loved him. But he left her behind to be with his new companions. If not for Ty Lee, she would have died. That should have been the end of that relationship. I thought it was very weird that they got back together. The NATLA writers should definitely find a different way to conclude Mai and Ty Lee's character arcs. Especially Mai. She deserved a more dignified ending than being left in prison and then threatening her ex-boyfriend to take her back.

"I love that even though Aang is sort of not in this story very much, to me, he's-his presence is in all of these scenes 'cause you know he's like the little angel on her shoulder [...]" (Bryan Konietzko)

The main reason I think the shipping discourse in the ATLA fandom is so toxic is because the creators Mike and Bryan saw the narrative differently than the other writers. They seemed to have a completely different vision for the story and characters compared to the head writer. So, there were two conflicting visions and fans who liked one over the other could argue their side indefinitely. Bryke saw things as more black-and-white and good vs. evil. You can see it in some of the interviews and commentary, particularly with Bryan.

IMO, there really was no "good" and "evil" side in The Southern Raiders. There was no "angel" or "devil" sitting on Katara's shoulders. To Katatra, what Aang said must have sounded like nothing more than a trite platitude. It's true that in the end, she didn't choose violence. But I don't think Aang's words were very pertinent to her decision-making when she finally faced Yon Rha, LOL.

It's understandable why Aang would come off as preachy, though. He was just a child coping with his own grief. The Air Nomads' philosophy was one of the only things he had left of them, after all. Such a teaching was no doubt his own personal coping mechanism.

Aang was right in the sense that Katara didn't need to resort to violence in the end. But ya know, maybe she would have if she didn't have someone by her side who understood her inner darkness and accepted her even if she had chosen violence. Just like how Aang might have killed the sanbenders if Katara hadn't been there. And Katara would not have condemned him if he had done so.

"Zuko and Katara might have shared some sparks, but sometimes there are people along your 'journey of love' who are there to teach you about yourself and what you really need, but don't necessarily end up being your partner. Come on, kids! 'Zutara' never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing." (Bryan Konietzko)

Zuko was a character of duality. Yin and Yang. Light and shadow. His two sides were represented by the scarred side and non-scarred sides of his face. I think Bryan viewed Zutara as a "dark" ship because a big part of Zutara was about Katara's shadow side.

Just like Mai did with Zuko, Aang built up a fantasy version of Katara in his head. The perfect, well, "waifu," I guess. The endlessly patient feminine maternal figure. The sweet beautiful girl with such manageable hair. But that's only half of who she was. There was another side to her that he never saw. One that used bloodbending. Angry, hateful. Yes, even ugly. And that's not a bad thing. It's human.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #katara #zutara #avatar #princess azula

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mandalhoerian · 10 months

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ghost to its haunt, I | leon kennedy x reader

read part 1: moth to a flame pairing: leon kennedy x f!reader summary: Even if it is full of love, all a ghost can do is haunt. But this time, it has to be different. word count: 6K warnings: angst, hurt no comfort, peppers of fluff as a treat, smut (blink and you'll miss it), leon being feral from day one like seriously he's unhinged, his negative self-talk notes: this installment comes in two chapters. chapter two is still being written and will be published and linked here when i'm done. header template can be found here. we're nearly at the end besties, thank you for sticking with me until the end, and please enjoy.

🌀 read on ao3! 🌀 NEXT CHAPTER

i. Leon knew right from day one when you’d breached the solitary safety of his shadowed corner in the bar of his unusual drinking choice, that you were tempting and twice as dangerous as a mirage to a parched man lost in the desert.

In the pleasantly neon-lit sanctuary of a bustling bar, amidst the cacophony of clinking glasses and spirited conversations, he stuck out like a sore thumb with the air of melancholy around him, making people near his booth uneasy with the way he was observing everything — to them, he was not to be approached, as if one look to his way would be enough for him to start a fight, but in reality it was his inability to relax in crowds, subconscious calculating for unlikely scenarios to unfold and contingency plans on how to get away. Yet he’d wanted to come here just once anyway, see what made here one of Major Krauser’s favorites, it was psychological torture, but Leon did it to himself anyway, knowing so.

You came to Leon first when nobody would approach him, setting a starting point of the pattern in your relationship where this’d be repeating over and over again.

The stifling hot humidity of the South American forest and how heavier the stench of blood stuck at the back of his nose still followed him around months after, and you tracked the trail like a shark in the water, it was in the way you’d been openly watching him upon spotting him in his corner, in the way you slid towards him in the booth, eyes glinting, seeking, curious, expecting — giving straight away of how fresh you were to this compared to the poor unfortunate soul before you chasing after Operation Javier.

You looked young, around his age, but had a certain softness and eagerness that reminded him of an unprepared rookie back in 1998, so before you could get a word in, he’d said, “I suggest you walk away for your own safety. You know how this ends.”

You know how this ends.

Such first words. What a way to doom an entire relationship and a person.

If Leon knew how his words had shaped the reality he’d chosen, he’d have gone with something promising, more open, like, “How’d you know I wanted company?” — he’d expressed himself more, made his attraction more prominent, secured you to him better, but he was always about safety and protection, wasn’t he? Paranoid beyond belief, self-sabotaging. Of course he’d warned you about taking caution so you wouldn’t get hurt, especially given what had happened to the previous journalist looking into the operation.

Your reaction to this was opting to buy him a drink instead of getting intimidated. Leon had made it clear over and over again he wouldn’t tell you anything and to go your own way. You didn’t know anything about him other than being a connection of the White House to Operation Javier somehow and he certainly wouldn’t be the one reporting this back to the base, so he made sure this was about saving one more person’s life from being ruined in vain even after this brief encounter had led to a hasty hookup in a bathroom stall and eventually to a hotel room like he was some teenager with no control over his dick —

You had ruined everything.

Unabashedly interested in him and just pushing, eager, genuine, passionate as you kept talking about your job in wanting to expose corruption the more he kept things dry and silent, and he just saw the same spark in you that he had once; how naive, how idiotic, how endearing — such respect-worthy dignity and enthusiasm and drive that you had managed to find him of all people in your pursuit. He’d never been attracted to anyone quite like this, not the same way with Ada, not in that elusively mysterious and alluring, dangerous and unapproachable, thrilling distance, but the other end of the spectrum, the sort that fed on kinship and admiration that made him want to protect you from what he knew would happen if you kept going like this.

Jesus, it should have been discouraging you from this path and nothing more, instead, Leon had been randomly snapped out of years of dissociation and autopilot since Raccoon City, and for what? Mind-blowing sex he didn’t even know was coming for his throat on a random fall night in 2002?

Really, it was his routine being broken that had done it.

His life was meticulously governed by strict routines and unwavering habits, as if each day were a precisely choreographed fight, a paragon of order and structure. Leon’s world thrived on meticulous organization, where every document, tool, and weapon had its designated place. Even the symmetry of his living space mirrored the precision of his mind, with every item aligned flawlessly, punctuality eventually becoming second nature to him, his internal clock a finely tuned instrument, ensuring he was never a moment late, not at all a result of being late in his first day as a cop. Time was a precious commodity, a resource he safeguarded fiercely, as he understood that even the smallest delay could have dire consequences. This devotion to structure allowed him to remain laser-focused on his objectives, and also avoid hellish punishments back at Offutt Air Force Base located near Omaha, Nebraska where he had spent quite some time as a special agent trainee.

Military would make a clockwork out of anyone, but being trained under Major Krauser had turned him into a well-oiled machine that only had training and mission objectives in mind. Leon used to be highly adaptable and open to surprises before, but his encounter with you had revealed just how unprepared and anxious to impulses he’d been molded to become. Spontaneity had ended up a stranger to him, an unwelcome disruption that threatened to dismantle his carefully constructed world, and as an extension, anything else was regarded as losing control — which was, an unthinkable notion; he had been trained to maintain composure in the most chaotic of situations.

There wasn’t even the semblance of composure in how he handled you.

Never in his wildest dreams would he entertain the thought of someone managing to unbelievably, randomly, turn him on so uncontrollably one day that he’d lose his mind enough to risk public indecency in a fucking bathroom stall with pants around his ankles not only once, but twice.

Sitting on the toilet with your back to his chest, one leg spread wide open over his knee and the other hiked up in the air from his elbow, you basically limp in his arms as all you could concentrate on was shutting your mouth tight enough not to make noise as he wildly bounced you up and down on his lap — and the next thing he knew after blowing his load right after with no rest whatsoever was that he had you flat against the graffiti-stained door separating a bunch of girls from what the two of you were doing, one hand clamped on your mouth, having you press your thighs together so he could languidly slip back and forth against the tight crevice of your wetness and the plushness combined that he had to use all his control for the door to not rattle and feeling your pussy spasm each time he grazed your clit, his head buried in the crook of your neck whispering filth he didn’t know his mind was capable of conjuring right to your ear with no filter —- how much of a pervert you were to be enjoying this when all it had to take was a peep from you for people right in front of you to discover you were getting off to the thought the humiliation of being looked at while getting fucked from behind, all the while it was Leon who was dying to explode from how horny he was that it was unbearably painful.

And the only thing he could think about was to hell with it all and the hammering of his heart to hear you moan uncontrollably, he could just plunge inside you right then and there, had to bite down on your clothed shoulder to hold back the impulse, hell, it took everything in him to keep his breathing steady and not heave, every second the girls didn’t leave was dragged torture, his legs were trembling from holding back and the sheer excitement, but holy shit was it concentrated ecstasy that had his eyes rolling behind his head when they had finally left and he’d rammed himself in to the hilt so forcefully that the hinges of the door had almost broken off.

You had consumed him whole, your skin, your scent, your taste, wrapping him in a cocoon of warmth and pleasure and just digesting his whole being that he didn’t even have one grain of logic or common sense as a pea brain or nothing — just that he wanted to keep fucking and it was so soft and everything just felt so good and good god Leon was going to have an aneurysm from overheating because of you.

The post-nut clarity after all that was interesting to say the least.

A blood clot had to have shot up to his brain for his sanity to have snapped like that … And for him to think this wasn’t enough and he wanted more as you rested in his embrace — in a fucking bathroom stall. He wasn’t a people person. He simply didn’t do this shit in the first place, what was even happening?

Leon didn’t know what to be embarrassed about: of himself for doing this kind of thing in a place like this or disrespectfully exerting a woman to this degree, he had no idea whatsoever where all the talk about getting discovered had come from, didn’t that make Leon the pervert? Good lord.

He had to be thankful that you were coming down from a high and had no energy to turn around and look at his face, because you surely would see him transition from all shades of red out of shame. What the actual hell had come over him?

Leon was made aware that night that it’d been such a long time since he’d felt such a visceral physical response to someone that his whole body was in a flushed flurry — the kind of intensity that hadn’t even scraped the top of his heated need, he couldn’t even think before suggesting you two take this to somewhere else better that he could drown in this feeling some more.

The man who said this basking in your afterglow and the man who warned you about how this ended were two different people.

The man at the very beginning of this would have known better than to let himself indulge in you.

But your pull was worse than that of a black hole’s, and in Leon’s mind, him taking you to a hotel room was equivalent in his mind to tossing you over his shoulder like an impatient caveman foaming at the mouth, and he knew he’d looked so constipated and unenthusiastic about it back then because he was trying to keep his shit together and not let his libido rush straight to his head, it was absolutely batshit crazy that his mouth was fucking salivating over you and he had to physically fight not to get hard where he stood, especially after having a taste of how you melted in his arms and he just couldn’t keep his together and — this was unreal, Leon had never went into a frenzy over someone before and you’d just taken it.

He wanted to be gentle, enjoy it, savor it, and you weren’t even going anywhere, but even after he’d gotten him and you a room, Leon had taken you like he hadn’t fucked in his life before, like his dick had gotten hard for the first time in his life, and pathetically like he was desperate for his skin to touch another human being’s — and you…

You.

You had made everything worse.

He still remembered that exact moment when your hands found his hair, the gentleness of the caressing contrasting his rough rutting, he remembered how the rhythmic squeaking of the bed stuttered and gave it right away that he was caught off guard even though his head was buried in the cushion of your tits — embarrassing, utterly disgraceful, all that you’d done was pet his fucking head and his heart had purred like a goddamn cat, and even more shameful was that he’d come right on the spot when you’d started pulling on his strands, Jesus fuck, he wanted to die on the spot.

One condom change and a carry to the bed later (because Leon had shattered upon passing the threshold of the hotel door and he’d wrapped your legs around his hips and had you against the door, again) things had finally begun to become mellow and sensual as he’d started enjoying you, significantly calmer and more collected compared to before, paying more attention to how you liked it and what you liked, where you liked better, putting those observational skills to more gratifying uses.

Somehow this was the most satiated he’d been yet, actually taking in the sight of you struggling against the pleasure brought him the unexpectedly superior fulfillment to chasing his own height. He was alerted and awake, sensitive to the very last cell watching you, endeared, wanting to give you every last drop of euphoria he could just to see how you’d react to it. And the more he explored, the more he couldn’t get enough, so adorable, so sexy, so hot, how could he take pleasure in making someone cry? How and why the hell couldn’t his dick stay down for five minutes?

By the time he’d finally become downright spent and quenched the fire inside, the sun had already risen, the floor was just littered with ripped condom packets, you were covered in hickeys, bite marks and bruises that he’d questioned if he was a feral animal, and the sheets were… disgusting.

Leon was a repenting sinner with an imaginary tail between his tails when he’d wrapped you in clean linen and laid you on the sofa, changed the sheets, and straightened the pillows, getting you to pee and drawing a bath for you afterwards, it was mortifying he’d made you basically unable to walk for the time being, and he surely didn’t deserve your insistence that you two share the bath together, twice as horrified and disturbed at the tender intimacy with which you’d washed him, warm fingers massaging his scalp almost lulling him to sleep.

Sharing the room service breakfast, streaks of golden sunlight of the early hours washing your face and making the white of your bathrobe glow as he tried not to make it obvious he was ogling, you’d tricked him into promising you a date for all that he’d put you through that night, you’d be calling in sick; and Leon was covering his face in guilt and embarrassment inside even though all that he’d presented you was an abashed grin and an, “As the lady wishes.” — stupidly giddy enough to have lowered his guard (like that idiot in 1998) that you hadn’t suggested this because you wanted information out of him but were genuinely interested in his company, in him.

He wasn’t overthinking it back then, just reveling in your presence, luxuriating in the fluffy, satisfied, peaceful feeling, new to him, not afraid of how it could be ephemeral. He was drunk, and not conscious about the fact just yet.

The withdrawals had hit right after parting ways with you — this was a mistake, this was a huge mistake, he shouldn’t have promised anything, he shouldn’t even have done this in the first place. Leon had no time for this, couldn’t even keep a plant alive if he committed, didn’t know how it’d work, nobody was allowed to know about the kind of work he did, the world of bioterrorism was a secret kept so tightly it became nooses around the necks of nosey individuals.

He just couldn’t allow himself to loosen the leash around his normal because if he did let go of himself, he would make a mistake. That mistake could doom you.

More importantly than it not being fair to you, he’d be putting you in danger just by being in your proximity.

All that fretting around, putting the stress of wishing to see you again but the garbage feeling he mustn’t (that he hadn’t expected to make him this moody) into exercising more intensely than before, and ending up scaring the folks around the office unintentionally in work, only to feel immediately like spring had come at the drop of a hat when you’d called saying because he hadn’t, apparently, and you were waiting for him.

This was terrifying. How you made him feel... It was entirely out of his control.

I suggest you walk away for your own safety. You know how this ends.

Leon should have kept telling this to himself.

ii. The date was at your place, planned from start to finish by you, an attentiveness and special treatment he didn’t deserve, but Leon got warm inside anyway, especially after you said this seemed like the better option since he didn’t seem to do well in crowds. Something about him being noticed on this kind of personal level had caused him to confuse his right from his left and he was sure his palms were sticky just from that and the way you smiled.

You’d said you wanted to get to know him, and Leon unfortunately didn’t have enough going out experience to decide if cooking together and then sitting down to solve a murder mystery game was the most creative thing ever or not, because he thought it was.

At the end of this, he knew you much better, and had shown you himself in a way that wouldn’t be possible by answering questions.

Leon had approached the murder mystery solving game with a calculated and analytical mindset, trained to think strategically, he had diligently assessed every clue, scrutinizing them for hidden meanings and connections. He hadn’t meant to get invested this much, but he had ended up approaching the game like a covert operation and a blast from the past to his police academy days, examining evidence with sharp attention to detail and requiring evidence instead of just a hunch like you kept hitting him with. Each clue was like a piece of intel, and he’d taken the murder of Mrs. Huntington very seriously. Relying on his instincts, leveraging his experience in decoding complex situations to unravel the layers of the mystery, his logical thinking and ability to tackle every single thread of this one by one had brought structure and organization to their investigative process.

In contrast, you had embraced the game with innate curiosity and unlike him, a childlike interest — like a game should be perceived. As an investigative journalist, he’d seen that you had a natural knack for delving deep into stories and uncovering hidden narratives, embarking on the game with a keen eye for the human element, looking beyond the surface level clues to understand the motivations and emotions of the characters involved. You thrived on the adrenaline rush of piecing together the puzzle, always seeking out the next lead or breakthrough, and brainstorming on the possibilities, which clashed with Leon, leading to a sort of bickering that was entertaining, really. Your inquisitive nature and intuition led you to explore alternative perspectives, constantly questioning assumptions and seeking out overlooked details.

When was the last time he’d had this much fun? Leon didn’t remember.

All that you’d given him that night was a kiss, he hadn’t minded you halting things before the heavy makeout session that had his brain melting like jello could escalate into something more, and he definitely didn’t mind being hypnotized into saying yes for doing this again sometime in the future — when he should have cut things off.

Leon really couldn’t seem to think coherently around you.

And, despite his better judgment, there was a third time. There also was a fourth. A fifth. A sixth. Seventh. Until he forgot it was a matter of numbers and he simply kept seeing you — that was it.

Amidst the unlabeled dates that unfolded between you and Leon, there was an undeniable disparity in your cooking styles. While he considered himself a decent cook, you couldn't help but find his dishes lacking in flavor and spice, often describing them as bland. Nonetheless, there was a silver lining to this culinary discrepancy: Leon's competence in the kitchen ensured that all ten of his fingers remained intact, a feat that seemed elusive whenever you attempted to prepare a meal.

Your culinary misadventures had reached a crescendo one fateful day, as Leon returned home to a scene of chaos. The kitchen lay in disarray, food scattered about, a bloody rag, and a knife ominously present. Heart shooting up to his throat, he practically shouted, "Oh my god, what the hell happened?"

It was then that you revealed your mishap, a deep and severe cut that required stitches. Despite the severity of the injury, you had opted not to seek medical attention to avoid the burden of an exorbitant bill. Unbeknownst to you, Leon possessed exceptional suturing skills, honed through the necessity of tending to his own wounds after the hazards of his missions. He hadn't disclosed this fact of course, but rather emphasized his meticulousness when it came to first aid that he’d taken a course on it in the past.

He kept on boomeranging back to you every time he regretted the previous entanglement the morning after, dreading this was bound to end badly and he should leave you alone. He could… He could get sex elsewhere, he was a dog on a leash because stumbling on physical compatibility on this level had made him an idiot, that must have been it, he thought.

But that wasn’t the issue at all. Nothing had thrown him off and even affected his daily life the way your absence did. It wasn’t craving the skin contact and fantasizing about the next affair that did Leon the damage, it was simply wanting to see you and be by you that even his appetite was lost along the way — he had been scared of what this was. The utter enormity of it made him panic.

In the depths of his soul, a bubbling longing simmered up and up, getting close to the surface the more he deprived himself of you, taking over him with an intensity that defied description. His heart echoed with the fading echoes of your laughter, a melody he yearned to hear once more and came back to him when he least expected it — in the field he could chase away all thoughts and concentrate, but in the waking moments devoid of action, his thoughts collapsed toward you, unable to escape the gravitational pull of your absence. A hunger, primal and unyielding, gnawed at his core, a hunger for the touch of your hand in his hair, the warmth of your embrace, the nightmare-free, cloud-soft sleeps by your side. He’d come to find solace in fragments of memories, savoring the remnants of your presence, like faded polaroids etched in his mind. It was unbelievable to notice the world around him grew muted and colorless, as if drained of life's vibrancy, each passing day intensifying the ache, searing his heart with an inconsolable longing, fueling he urge he kept resisting to bridge the chasm of his own making that separated him and you.

Leon had to accept he liked you despite himself, liked you to the point of no return, and that he was afraid to admit the stronger word.

iii. He couldn’t tell you who he truly was and precisely because of that, couldn’t fully let you in.

Countless reasons came up to defend why this was for the best — it not only protected his heart but also protected you by keeping you at a certain distance from all of this ridiculous baggage…

And he took notice of you noticing and being accepting regardless, settling for whatever you could when you shouldn’t.

He was such a selfish man to keep taking advantage of that to stay however he was able to, a hedgehog’s dilemma.

Leon had managed to find boundaries of your unpredictability and had managed to establish a routine, an ebb and flow of some sorts, entirely dependent on the volatile schedule of his missions that you had no idea of and tried acting nonchalant about — the absences, the bruises, the emotional unavailability after losses he had to keep to himself. He had to be wearing you down, crawling back through the dirt and the blood and the undying monstrosities only to be mute about everything and go straight for your embrace in search of a moment's peace.

And what about you?

The part of himself that was still sane knew he was making you suffer because of his selfishness, stringing you along in this unlabeled affair with the excuse it was with your eventual well-being in mind when it was easier for him — in the sense that if it came to the worst, you’d be able to come out of this on top and just hate and keep blaming him so you wouldn’t be hurt in the long run.

But it was selfish, he still wanted to keep being around you, though, didn’t have the right or face to say he wanted you, so orbiting you was the best he could afford to do.

Just for a little longer. A bit more.

Leon wished you would be done with him and tell him to leave you alone so he could finally get out of your life for good, but in all his returns you welcomed him coming back with open arms. It was the garden of Eden and he didn’t belong there, feeling like a pillager sneaking in and getting whatever he wanted and fucking right off afterwards, each and every time leaving you with less and less and a faded viridescence.

But he couldn’t stay. Not for as long as he wanted. Never in the way you deserved.

And before Leon knew it, he and you had toppled two years of his bullshit — and you were still here throughout it all..

In 2004, the truth of bioterrorism and the existence of monstrous abominations with no regard for human ethics were thrust upon the world, and wiped yet another Raccoon City off from the map of the mediterranean — and things got so much more confusing in regards to what was allowed to be secret or not.

Unbeknownst to you, it was this incident that unknowingly contributed to the growing rift between you. Leon carried the heavy burden of witnessing the President's decision to deny AUPIT’s assistance to the FBC, leaving him as a mere bystander while hundreds of lives were lost due to the incompetence and inexperience of those involved. Even Terrasave, an organization not known for its extraction expertise, fared better in their efforts.

The Terragrigia Panic became a turning point, a catalyst for Leon's introspection, the weight of the world he couldn’t lift one finger to help pressed upon him, driving him towards self-destruction and an ever-deepening spiral of despair, soul scarred by the consequences of inaction and the haunting memories of present lives lost and a past city long in the dust. He questioned the system that bound his hands, preventing him from making the difference he so desperately yearned for. It was during these tumultuous times that you stood by him, unaware of the inner battles he fought and the toll it took on his well-being, and it made him feel so much worse about everything.

His heart trammeled with the inevitable conclusion he could no longer ignore, he made the painful decision to set you free from the grip of his own shortcomings. Overwhelmed by a sense of unworthiness and consumed by his own greed, he knew he had to release you, unable to bear the weight of his own inadequacy any longer.

The timing, eerily close to the anniversary of the day he first met you, held a bitter irony. It was as if fate had conspired to test the limits of his resolve, presenting him with the most challenging mission of his life just as he made this life-altering choice. Bound for Spain, his path was paved with uncertainty, fraught with danger — but he’d sworn that things would be different this time and he could actually return, reformed and squeaky clean, somehow this mission could be his saving grace and actually wipe his brain clean of grime and rust.

The break-up had loomed before Leon like an impending storm, and he had steeled himself for the emotional turbulence that would surely follow, however, what caught him off guard was the resignation from you, as if you had anticipated his intentions and thoughts, ready to release him with open arms — eager to say yes the moment the words would slip out of his mouth.

Devastated would be an understatement to describe him — he’d sat frozen on the kitchen chair, his mind a tempest of confusion and disbelief, the composed and scripted nature of your words waterboarding him as you continued to speak, nonchalantly expressing your expectations of this inevitable departure. You seemed braced, almost as if you had been reading his mind, as if you knew this day would come. The nonchalant manner in which you spoke of his leaving, seemingly devoid of any emotional attachment, tore at his heart. It was like time itself had paused, and Leon felt the dissociation creep in, his mind unable to process the scale of what was happening, the world around him blurring, finding himself lost in a void of numbness. How could it be that you were so ready to let him go? How could you speak of no hard feelings when his heart was shattering into countless fragments?

Yeah, right.

Betrayal was it.

He’d felt betrayed by you when he had no right to be angry like that — because he had warned you right from the start.

You know how this ends.

You’d taken his advice. Leon should have, as well.

iv. It wasn’t only his jacket that’d got taken away by the village freaks, but also the watch you had given him as a gift — which the loss of was more personal and lethal to him.

And he had no time to look for it between saving and taking care of Ashley and trying to navigate a much bigger conspiracy.

Coming to terms with the fact that it was gone, just like you, seemed poetically fitting, a form of karma that he should lose a memento of you when he hadn't proven himself deserving of it in the first place.

At the back of his mind was the memory of you trying to act like it wasn’t for anything special when Leon knew it was the first anniversary of the day you and he met, you just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, walking around eggshells around him with the vaguest boundaries and definitions unspelled so he wouldn’t run away — Leon knew all too well.

He had mentioned going for some type of Casio G-Shock when recounting he’d been meaning to buy a new one, and you’d apparently paid attention to that, not at all questioning why he would want a solar powered watch with 1312 ft. of water resistance — and had given him another much more sporty Longines stainless steel chronograph watch on the side, absolutely humbling him on the spot with just how much money you had to have spent on these two — and the amount of thought you had put into it.

Modifications on both watches were specifically allowed by him, he'd gotten your initials and the Roman symbols of that day in the fall of 2002 engraved at the back of them to deceive himself, interchangeably using them, the Casio one in the missions, and the Longines in casual days, not bothering to buy any other watch for himself after that. You would see him wearing it all the time, but fortunately for his abashed pride, never commented on it, having no idea just how important they were to him.

And it was Ada who casually reunited him with it, her throw of the watch certainly gentler than that of the jet ski key’s, as she was walking away with the Amber, a mysterious, knowing glance in his way, a perfectly shaped smile on her glossy lips. “Here. Consider this an equal exchange. Learn to take better care of special things, Leon.”

Somehow she wasn’t just talking about the watch and it irritated him, but she was right.

v. The depths of Leon's feelings for you were intertwined with an overwhelming sense of terror.

It terrified him to realize how much he needs you, how your presence has become an integral part of his existence, that you were now the surface he swam up to breathe after hours in the dark of the ocean, and the desire for reciprocation, for you to need him just as deeply, and knowing that you do but unable to bring himself to do anything about it, all filled him with longing and apprehension, both holding hands hiding behind the walls of his own making, pulling each other back as they kept watching you from afar.

He feared that he may not be enough for you, that his flaws and past were going to inevitably cause harm and ruin.

The emotions that surged through him when you were near, the way his heart raced and his thoughts became consumed — it was new, it was unknown, it was exhilarating, it was petrifying. The spotlight of the vulnerability he’s put in was a double-edged sword, for it exposed him to the potential for joy, but also, immense pain.

He could lose everything and it would lay waste to his soul, yet in the face of this fear, he couldn’t bear the thought of pushing you away completely, because the terror of being without you somehow had become equally paralyzing that he couldn’t breathe in the PTSD-rooted nightmares of them anymore.

Thus, you had found yourselves trapped in a state of limbo, unsure of where to go or how to proceed, but it was his fault, he thought of himself as a flightless bird sitting up on a roof with you, who could obviously fly; if he attempted to follow you he could fall, if he let you go you would migrate to warmer lands and would never come back. so you were both stuck there, and none of the scenarios involved — what if he could also fly? What if he could do what he thought he wasn’t capable of?

The thought of losing you now, after experiencing the depth of how far he could go with you; the promise, the mirage, the illusion, the dream, was a sense of impending devastation. And yet, he was plagued by the fear that it may already be too late to salvage what he once had with you. What he could have with you, if he allowed himself to surrender —

Leon had changed, he wasn’t the same person, but he also hadn’t changed, hadn’t lost himself no matter the cost, hadn’t strayed from the original path he was treading on — he was capable of saving people, capable of changing the ending.

Spain was as traumatizing as it was eye-opening and life-changing, through the reunion with Ada, the betrayal of Major Krauser, the loss of Luis and the successful extraction of Ashley, one single thread of hope had been holding Leon up and running:

He had to get back to you.

He would come back to you, no matter what, even from the grave, even knowing there was a chance you wouldn’t take him back. To hell with taking comfort in a self-defined ending, to hell with the facade of protecting you when it was just protecting him, to hell with everything.

This time, it had to be different.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s. kennedy x reader #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy smut #quote in the summary belongs to baneofambitions

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zal-cryptid · 27 days

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Okay, with Misfits in Toyland dropping in two weeks on Webtoon, I feel the need to just recap where the main cast is at in their nightmarish existence upon Maria's arrival. I will be putting these plot-relative comics I've made up on there as interludes and bonus content.

Eleanor's life hasn't actually changed much in decades. She did work at the doll hospital for a while in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, but since then, she has lived a semi-recluse life in her doll house on the outskirts of Toy Town, only socializing and inviting guests over for tea parties. She is often turned to when seeking certain information or guidance and often plays the role of expositor to newcomers.

Paul got a haircut from Jen, a neighbour of his who he got off to a rocky start with. They have since developed a romantic relationship and moved in together. Since then, Paul has grown more comfortable with his gender identity and has even embraced being called "Pauline" - a name that denizens used to call him in jest.

Jen, meanwhile, found out that the girl who bullied her and ruined her life had also wound up in Toyland. She has, for the last 23 years or so, found ways to torment Tammy out of revenge. Sometimes assisting Gabe in the guise of helping him run experiments on her, just so she can find ways to torture her. However, Gabe has gradually picked up on her animosity toward Tammy and has been working on a particular project in secret so that the two stay separated.

To distract herself from her new reality, Mel had taken up the responsibility of looking after Tammy. The two have since bonded, becoming close friends and caring about each other deeply.

However, Mel's play-brain seems to be worsening lately, increasing her infantile attributes. She kept this a secret from Tammy in fear of upsetting her. On top of everything, she has recently rendered herself mute after accidentally breaking her pullstring. Left with no other choice, Mel follows Tammy's advice and takes up Dolly’s offer for help, moving in with her.

However, due to a terrible misunderstanding, it seems that the "help" Dolly offered was not what Mel and Tammy had expected. Believing she wanted to be treated like a baby, Dolly has taken up the role of Mel's caregiver, keeping her captive in a nursery to ensure maximum privacy. Believing Dolly to be insane and unwilling to be reasoned with, Tammy has taken up the role of "baby monitor" so that she can continue to stay with Mel.

Trapped, unable to communicate, and not having the strength to fight back, Mel seems to be slipping towards Toy Fugue.

Gabe has been hard at work developing a way to improve Tammy's quality of life after running several experiments on her over the years. However, given his plush body, his other responsibilities, and his love for video games, said development has been slow.

He seems to be really focused on his work as of late and keeping to himself after an awkward poker night with his friend Charlie, which led to a night of drunk love-making and vulnerability. While Gabe is openly bi, Charlie isn't sure what he is, and the two seem to be avoiding each other until they figure it out.

#misfits in toyland #recap #lore #my art #original characters #my ocs #story

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they-them-that · 9 months

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Light trigger warning: gender roles, misogyny, transphobia

I love Ouran Highschool Host Club and with the Shoujo classic that it is, I adopted the general consensus that the show was "ahead of its time" with how it portrayed gender. Haruhi will always be a non-binary icon but upon rewatching it, especially after my own trans awakening, I remembered something that never sat right with me and that was how Tamaki treated Haruhi. My two cisgender friends didn't seem to pick up on the same problems even though they also consider Haruhi to be non-binary which made me think I was just projecting onto the anime. But another friend of mine later told me how it was much more "heterosexual" than she remembered that helped validate the feeling I had.

Although Haruhi doesn't like to make a fuss about gender, the anime does and it constantly reminds us that no matter what Haruhi feels, she is still a "girl". Tamaki is the worst offender of this mentality where even his entire perspective on Haruhi changes as soon as he finds out she's afab. A huge part of Tamaki's character is that he dotes on Haruhi "like a father" where his actions are actually founded on the authoritative, patriarchal belief that he needs to "protect" her because she is a woman. Not just protect her from actual harm either but from things like kissing someone and wearing a swimsuit...

Although in certain ways, we're supposed to laugh at Tamaki's overbearing nature, he's never actually taught to respect Haruhi's autonomy. In what felt like every episode, Tamaki fixates on Haruhi's assigned sex much to her annoyance. Yet rather than learning to look at Haruhi as a person regardless of gender, we're expected to see his obsession with upholding gender roles as a sign of affection. This felt clearest in episode 8, "The Sun, the Sea, and the Host Club!" where Haruhi confronts two men for harassing her female peers. She gets shoved into the water where Tamaki saves her but the conflict arises when he scolds Haruhi for standing up to men at all. The message emphasizes to us that "Haruhi is a girl" and it's something that she has to accept for her own well being while Tamaki's anger is meant to be perceived as chivalrous rather than patriarchal and heteronormative. The reality is, even if Haruhi was in danger, that isn't actually her fault but the fault of the men who felt entitled to women's bodies (something Tamaki is guilty of, even if not to the same level of aggression).

I still cherish OHSHC but it hasn't fully stood the test of time as I've been led to believe. That's not to rob gender queer people the comfort they feel from the show but that for myself, it's a bit hard to look past the cishet energy that the anime exudes. Although I see Haruhi as non-binary, the show doesn't seem to agree and goes great lengths to invalidate Haruhi's gender indifference. It's tragically common in anime and manga where trans-coded afab characters are reminded that they're still women and it's usually "proven" to them through patriarchal scenarios that put CIS men in a role of dominance. A lot of the time, these women are only gender nonconforming out of happenstance or circumstance rather than by choice, which even includes Haruhi Fujioka (she only cut her hair because there was gum in it). That's not to conflate gender expression with identity but it does feel like we're only being met half way, especially when the anime still romanticizes the gender dichotomy with Haruhi and Tamaki's relationship. I would've loved to see Tamaki be able to toss the notion of gender the same way Haruhi is able to and have that be the groundwork in which their mutual feelings blossom. Instead, it just felt like we got a man who stubbornly wants someone who grew up without gender labels to visualize herself the way he does, as a "woman".

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #tw transphobes

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lindszeppelin · 2 years

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The Things Left Unsaid

Pairing: Austin Butler x Fem!Reader

Prompt: You and Austin were old flames many moons ago, but when he wrote you a letter to come and visit him a lot of feelings rise to the surface.

Rating: Mature. 18+. Bye-Bye Minors, peace out

Warnings: this is basically a repurposing of The Notebook but slightly different lol, fluff, smut, probably inaccuracies of country/farm living, oral (f and m receiving), a lot of pining, some angst, handjob, squirting, swearing.

Word Count: 15k.

a/n: Hey babes! So, since Austin and I both love The Notebook with every fiber of our beings, I wanted to try my hand a writing a sort of Notebook-esque story. It needs to happen and I wanna give him his Notebook fantasy lol

This can't be happening. Not now, and certainly not like this. A letter had appeared in your mailbox. Who the hell writes letters anymore in this day and age? Only one person you knew would be sentimental enough to take the time to write a letter and mail it out, and that was your ex Austin Butler.

It seemed like dogs years since you and Austin were so head over heels in love with each other. The cutthroat California lifestyle led by the rich and famous was something that you and he detested to your core. But you somehow found a little pocket of paradise in a Spanish style villa out in privacy of the Hollywood Hills where you created a blended home.

He was in the throws of a blossoming acting career, having already played a couple of tv roles and small time film parts that he secured under his belt. And you were following your passions all the same. Young love was so good, so innocent. You both were absolutely positive that you'd be together forever. At one point you had even talked about the possibility of marriage and children. But all things must come to and end. The reality of a white-picket fence with a golden retriever and kiddos attached to your hip was now something that had to be confined to living in your daydreams.

Maybe it was the stress of his budding career that poisoned the sanctity of your relationship. You still aren't really sure of the exact reason why the two of you called it quits. It just sort of happened, and you force yourself to forget the pain of that day. But at any rate, the loss of him in your life was too much to bare. In one last ditch effort to show his love, Austin offered you the Spanish villa for yourself while he would look for lodgings elsewhere. But you declined. All of a sudden, California got too claustrophobic for you to handle. If you didn't break free from it's vice grip on your throat you would surely suffocate.

Moving across the country seemed like a harsh way to part. In your dazed and confused mind you thought that it was the best choice to make. The jarring juxtaposition of your old life in LA versus the new one you're trying to form in the chilly Boston city sometimes made your head spin. But your family lived here, and putting as many miles between you and your used-to-be soulmate was okay with you.

You climbed up the social ladder at your prestigious career, and Austin had landed the role of a lifetime in securing the Baz Lurhmann picture about Elvis Presley - Austin naturally played Elvis in the film. You knew he was just born to play that role.

Unfortunately, the success of your ex's monumental accomplishment was tarnished. Even in your little studio apartment on the east coast, you simply couldn't stop seeing his face everywhere. He was haunting you like a nightmare you couldn't wake up from. All of your coworkers and friends were buzzing around you about his incredible portrayal as The King of Rock and Roll. Even hearing Elvis Presley's music could sometimes trigger a near anxiety attack.

Pangs of resentment filled the pit gnawing away at your stomach as you had no choice but to look at posters of Austin's chiseled face with striking blue eyes and his newly fashioned black tresses as you thought back at the love you and he once shared.

As time went on, you thought you had gotten over him. Finally, maybe now that the pandemonium from the Elvis movie had died down after a few crazy months, you thought you were free from the nagging thoughts about your old flame. You thought you were safe from his reach.

That is, until a letter addressed from the actor to you was nestled in your shaky hands.

A thousand and one different thoughts were flashing through your mind. You just knew that when he settled on the idea of reaching out to you that he was sitting down at his desk, fumbling around for his favorite pen that has the perfect amount of flow to the ink, hunched over the parchment and wracking his brain on what the hell to write down.

A part of you imagined the scenario - that he ruminated over every single word. How many drafts of this letter did he go through before sending this final one out to you? Two? Five? Ten? You thought about him crumpling up each written attempt and throwing it into the trashcan, dissatisfied with his efforts. He knew he could do better. And this was his one chance to bridge the gap between you two. It had to be perfect.

You thought about how he clutched the letter close to his heart before finally mustering up the courage to slide the letter through the post office drop-off box. He knew that once it was gone from his hands that he couldn't take back what he wrote. And your reaction to such a letter scared the shit out of him.

Was this the right thing to do? Should he just go home and try to forget this is even happening? 'Get back in the car and leave, now. What the fuck are you doing, Butler?' He'd berate himself.

But the thought of your beautiful face raced through his minds eye once more, and that was that. Fuck it. What's done is done.

As you hold the note in your hands you can tell that in his usually neat penmanship are telltale signs of nerves. He veers off the page and curves his sentences at a slight upwards angle with the occasional janky letter as he scribbled. Your body was overcome with cold sweats as you scanned over the letter, reading it again for what felt like the hundredth time.

Dear Y/N, I hope this letter finds you well. Forgive me if perhaps I'm overstepping a boundary by writing to you. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. My intentions for sending this to you are nothing short of respectful. I simply just wanted to extend an olive branch.

Firstly, I sincerely hope that you're enjoying your life out in Boston. My genuine wish is that you're thriving, doing whatever it is that makes you happy. I'd sleep easier at night knowing that you're satisfied. Things on my end have been insanely busy. If I'm being forthright, I'm just not used to my life being made a spectacle for the media. As I shield myself away from the world and come to terms with the advancement in my career, I think back to us and what we once shared. I cannot feign ignorance in the way that things dissolved between us. My head was not in the right frame of mind as I was trying to simultaneously juggle our relationship and my career. For that, I am overtly apologetic from the bottom of my heart. You deserve more than that. The young guy that I was all those years ago is not the same man that's writing to you now. I've changed for the better. With time, perhaps I can prove myself to you. As you can tell by the return address on the envelope, I'm not writing to you from California. Like you similarly expressed, the city just got to be all consuming. Miraculously, I found a little farmhouse out in Georgia that was going to be demolished. But I bought it and fixed it up. Most of my time is spent here when I'm not working. If I may be so bold, I would like to extend to you an invitation to come down here and visit - if you'd like. It's very quiet so we'll have the lay of the land to ourselves, no media or cameras in sight. If you'll have me, I would be honored to show you around and have dinner with you. How does the 13th at 6pm sound? You are under no obligation to respond back to me. All you have to do is simply show up, or not, and I'll have my answer. Yours, A. To say that receiving this letter was a lynch pin in your plans, or lack there-of, would be an understatement. You've spent the last few years trying to move on from the heartache, and then out of the blue a letter like this appears in your lap.

Logistically, this whole scenario just doesn't make sense. The 13th is only 3 days away. How the hell are you going to explain this to your boss? Oh hey, sorry but I need time off. Why? Because my super famous ex boyfriend wants to wine and dine me in the Georgia countryside for reasons I can't really explain. Yeah right, sounds totally believable...

You're not even sure that it make sense to yourself. The undertones in this letter give off the impression that Austin still has some kind of romantic interest in you. Why would that even be the case? You've been broken up for years and he's chasing a career that takes him all over the world. I'm sure he's in the arms of gorgeous models every night. What would he want with his ex girlfriend?

God, if you're gonna be forced to think about this any more then you need a strong cup of tea, and soon. It's too early in the morning to be pondering about a hypothetical rekindling of a long lost love affair. And besides, you have to get ready for another day at work. As you put the kettle on the stove to boil, you toss the letter onto the dining room table and put it out of your mind.

Two days went by and you still hadn't made your mind up about what you were going to do. To be honest, you were rightly annoyed that the letter didn't walk itself off of the table and into the trash so you didn't have to think about it anymore.

As you took off all your makeup, brushed your hair, and slipped on one of your comfy nighties for bed you spotted the letter out of the corner of your eye. It was taunting you now, you were sure of it. His words lifted off of the paper and floated their way into your brain, stirring your emotions.

Listen, just give him the benefit of the doubt. He wrote you because he obviously wanted to reach out to you in a more personal way. Just read the fucking letter again and decide once and for all. Keep an open mind.

Sighing in defeat after the losing battle with your own subconscious, you make your way over to the letter waiting expectantly for you on the table. As your eye scans over his proclamation one final time, you latch onto the last sentence he wrote. "All you have to do is show up, or not, and i'll have my answer."

Goddamn it all to hell.

No more procrastination. The decision was made. You knew all along that this was the choice you were going to make, and you just had to put it off until the last conceivable moment - for dramatic effect obviously.

With the letter in your hands, you open up your laptop and purchase a roundtrip ticket to Georgia before you have the time to change your mind. I guess this meant that you had to pack, you have a plane to catch at noon tomorrow.

Well, there was definitely no going back now. Today is the 13th, and you landed down in Georgia at roughly 3pm. You were lucky that there was a nice 4 star hotel in the area that had a room available for you to stay in at very short notice.

The excuse you gave to your boss that morning was that you had a family emergency and you wouldn't be back for a few days. It was a miracle they bought it and didn't ask questions.

You got yourself settled as best you could in your room. The time was ticking, you knew you had 3 hours until you would be face to face with the man you once considered your everything. Heat rose to your face, causing a hot flash that made you fan yourself. You tried to reason with yourself that it was the southern heat that has you in a tizzy. But the butterflies were creeping into your stomach, threatening to fly away the closer the clock neared 6pm.

In your haste to book a flight the night before, you didn't think too much about what you were going to pack for outfits. As you pulled your suitcase out and placed it on the bed you crossed your fingers that you managed to pack something nice for this meeting.

Thank the high heavens that in your stupor you did throw in there one of your favorite dresses as of late. It was a gorgeous silky A-Line number that flattered your curves and flared out in all the right places. The shoes you gave yourself to match were some cute nude sandals with a chunky high heel, perfect for walking on the grass.

You fluffed your lashes with a few coats of mascara, drew on some eyeliner, and applied a soft rose lip stain to doll up your face. Using the hotel hairdryer and a round brush, you attempt to make voluminous bouncy curls that softly frame your features. And the finishing touch before you headed out the door was a few spirts of your signature floral perfume.

Well, it was now or never.

The car ride over was excruciating. Every minute your nagging thoughts coupled with the impending notion that you're going to be spending time with your ex nearly sent you over the edge. A long and winding dirt road brought you directly to one solitary white farmhouse with a detached shed at the back. There was nothing around as far as the eye could see, just a vast lush landscape sprinkled with dandelions and sunflowers. Right next to the side of the house stood a beautiful peach tree, and you could even see the makings of a small garden with tomato plants and various herbs sprouting tall and proud. You never took Austin to have a greenthumb, but then again it's like you're re-learning everything about him from scratch.

As you got out of the car, making sure to park a little bit away from the front door as to not rouse Austin's attention just yet, you surveyed the quaint lodgings for a few moments.

He told you in his letter that he had fixed up the near demolished house. You had no idea he was such a handyman either, because it looked beautiful. A crisp coat of white paint with contrasting blue shutters stood out among all the greenery like a Monet painting. There was a little front porch that had a swinging chair that looked so inviting to sit on and get lost in thought. It was positively charming.

As much as you tried to distract yourself from the inevitable, you simply couldn't faff around anymore. You filled your lungs with the fresh country air and steadied those butterflies that felt so close to erupting from your uneasy stomach.

You didn't even realize that your feet had betrayed you and moved on their own accord, climbing up the steps to the front door. It all happened so fast in one swift motion. No sooner that your hand reached out to knock on the screen door that Austin was right there. He must have the eyes of a hawk and spotted you approaching from a mile away. Regardless, he was standing right before you. You had to question if you were dreaming or if this was actually happening.

The warmest grin was spread sweetly across Austin's face. As he learned his tall body against the doorframe, you both eyed each other from head to toe. You almost couldn't believe the man standing before you was the same person you had dated all those years ago.

He had longer hair and a noticeable beard defining his sharp jawline which gave him an effortlessly rugged appearance. His classic old Hollywood looks were still ever present, and not a damn hair was out of place. One of his favorite canvas Carhartt jackets was sitting perfectly on his broad shoulders, even in this godawful heat he still wore them like a security blanket. Your eye traveled down the length of his legs in the Levi's he had on. He aged like fine wine, and a part of you hated yourself that you still found him handsome.

The two of you just stood there, not saying a word. His crystalline eyes wandered eagerly down your feminine curves that were accented by your silky dress. It really is so true that men are such visual creatures. Austin's carnal desires overtook his brain momentarily as he thought about ripping that dress off of you, revealing what you were wearing underneath. But he had to stop himself from thinking any further. Pull yourself together.

He shifted his weight and cleared his throat as the awkward silence rang loud in both your ears. I mean, what the hell can you even say in this strange scenario anyway? Someone had to be brave enough to speak up, and not one of you had moved their proverbial chess piece on the board yet.

After what felt like an eternity of just standing there on his porch and your skin crawling with anticipation, you couldn't take this anymore.

"It's nice to see you." You blurted out. Your fingers fumbled as you interlaced your hands loosely Infront of you. It was strange that you found yourself reverting back to girlish inclinations in front of him.

He sighed longingly. "Yeah, it's so good to see you as well. Thank you for accepting my invitation." Austin softly spoke. His voice reverberated low in his chest, sounding equal parts soothing and sexy. He got out of your way and held the door further open, gesturing with his hand inside.

"Please, come on in."

Nodding your head, your heals click on the hardwood floor as you step into Austin's living space. It was simply decorated with just the necessities like wooden tables holding up vases full of wildflowers, a fabric sofa that looked comfortable enough, shelves packed tightly with different sizes of leatherbound books and vintage records, and the kitchen was neatly organized with copper pans hanging from hooks on the wallpaper, with a cute yellow antique fridge and matching stove.

You spun around slowly and took it all in.

"Wow, Austin, you did a really great job of making this place a home. I wasn't sure what to expect when you said you rebuilt it."

He shut the door and shoved his hands in his pockets nervously, making his way over to you. "Thank you. Yeah, it's been a really fun project that's for sure. All the furniture I got second hand from vintage spots, and anywhere else that I could get my hands on nice accent pieces. I've only been actually living here for a little while, so it's not as homey as I would like it to be. But it's mine."

A shy smile crept up the corners of your rosy lips. "This house definitely suits you. What you lack with the furniture you make up for with books."

Austin chuckled at your noticing his obvious book collection, running a hand through his blonde waves. "I probably have more books than the local public library."

"You always were a bookworm." You teased lightly.

He shrugged his shoulders playfully, "I figure ones life is enriched the more that you pick up a book and read something. Can be whatever genre you want. But I don't know, books are my happy place. It's the smell of the vintage leather. The worn-in paper. The slightly smeared ink that stains my fingers with each flip of a page. I find solace in it."

"I know you do, Aus." His old nickname just rolled off the tip of your tongue with ease, a little too much for your own liking. You haven't been around him for more than maybe five minutes and already your mind comfortably reverted to your old girlfriend tendencies. You hoped that Austin didn't catch what you said, but he certainly did by the way his eyes lit up at his name falling from your lips once again.

You bite your tongue in your mouth, chastising yourself for faltering so soon. But there was nothing that could be done about it now. For Austin this was good news. Could a possible spark be reignited? It gave him a little hope, and he clung to it desperately. But, on the outside he remained calm and collected. The night was still young. Who knows what will happen.

Austin tried his best to curve around the tension that hung in the air. "I'm sure you're tired from your trip. We've got about half an hour until 6pm, so if you want I can make us dinner while you go relax."

Maybe that was a good idea after all. Giving you guys some much needed space after your fatal flub seemed enticing. "Sure, that sounds good."

"Great. How does a glass of peach tea sound? I made a pitcher this morning."

You knew Austin took cooking as a serious hobby, but peach tea? For some reason that impressed you. "Sounds delicious actually. Thank you."

"Alright, wait right here I'll pour you a glass." He clasped his hands together and took a couple long strides before he went into the fridge and put some ice cubes in a glass, pouring you a generous helping. Goddamn him for being so polite and gentlemanly.

"Here you go, Y/N. I hope it's good, I'm still perfecting the recipe." As he carefully handed you the beverage, the shock of the icy glass helped to ground you and put your nerves at ease as you were flustered under the collar, still trying to grapple with the fact that you were here in Austin's kitchen.

He watched intently, focused on your reaction, looking for any tiny micro expression that could tell him if you're satisfied by his concoction. That was another quirk of his that he seemingly still kept. Austin relished in preparing something he worked hard on, and then seeing what the reactions to it will be - Ever the people pleaser. His stare on your lips as you took a gentle sip of the refreshing liquid was a little unnerving for so many reasons that you didn't want to entertain right now.

The fruity taste lingered on your palate. "Mmm. Very good. Just the right amount of sweetness." You say, delivering your final verdict. This pleased him, as his eyes got all squinty and his nose crinkled a little when he gets jovial.

"I'm glad you like it. Now, go get comfortable. Dinner will be ready in 30."

As Austin prepared dinner in the kitchen, you chose to sit on the swinging chair outside, peach tea in hand, just absolutely reeling.

You didn't want to start thinking about how gorgeous he looked. You also did not want to remember the fact that he couldn't take his pretty eyes off of you. And under no circumstances did you want to ponder the mere thought of how you were staring right back at him.

That internal battle was still raging inside of you, and you had a bad feeling it was only going to get worse as the night wore on. You had to face the facts. This was your reality. Instead of trying to make it worse for yourself in the long run, you have to just chill out.

This is simply two long lost friends that are coming together for a nice meal and a chat. And at the end of the night you go your separate ways, probably never to see each other again. Whatever false narrative you needed to spin to get yourself through this one night had to be enough.

Whatever he was cooking smelled delicious, and you hadn't eaten since breakfast so you were famished. As you finished the last remnants of your peach tea, you closed your eyes and just let the wind wash over your frazzled mind. Nothing good ever comes from heated emotions. To make the best of this situation, you had to relinquish all control and give in fully to the unpredictability.

The sounds of birds chirping in the distance filled your ears the more you sank into meditation. With one deep breath, the waves of anxiety and dread rolled through you and dissipated with the gentle breeze. The lightness you felt afterwards was welcomed.

You were so beyond gone in your mind, out in the vast blankness of space, that you didn't hear the screen door open beside you. A breath was caught in Austin's throat as he saw your long locks flow around you carelessly. To him you looked so serene and beautiful like a goddess. His arms were itching to reach out to you and wrap you up in a warm embrace, to remind himself of what it felt like to hold you close to his chest. But he knew that he couldn't look at you for too long. He didn't want to ogle, plus the more he looked at you in this way the more his heart ached. Austin committed this moment of peace to memory before he had to make himself known.

Clearing his throat gently to get your attention, you slowly opened your eyes and caught sight of him. He had changed out of his jacket and into a white cotton button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up with a few of the buttons undone, revealing a weft of curly blonde chest hairs. Classy, casual, and so sexy without trying to be was his forte. Damn, he looked good.

His lips quivered as he struggled to try and form the words to speak, but his mouth suddenly feeling dry. "Dinner is ready, Y/N."

With a renewed energy, you threw him a soft smile and made your way inside.

While you were outside calming yourself down, Austin threw together a really beautiful dinner spread. The large dining room table was adorned with two plates on opposite sides. In the center was a mason jar filled with a random assortment of flowers from his garden, and two long candles that he quickly lit with his zippo created a lovely ambiance.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you ate this wonderful homecooked meal Austin worked so hard on. You have to admit to yourself that he really did put in a lot of time and effort into this dinner for you. Everything was not overly done, like he was trying hard to impress, but it was simply him.

Austin was on one end of the table, and you were on the other side. It seemed like a rather massive distance was keeping you so separated, but it was better this way. You both occasionally passed satisfied glances to each other in between bites of food and sips of pinot grigio. When you completely inhaled every last bit of food from your plate, you sat back in your chair totally stuffed to the brim.

"I have to say, that was really delicious Austin. I'm so full I can't eat another bite."

He chuckled and finished off the last drop of his wine. "Good, i'm happy that you enjoyed it. I can't remember the last time I made a proper meal, especially with company."

"Do you not have many people over?" You asked.

He shook his head solemnly. "No not really. I uh, kind of keep a low profile around here. What with all the..." he waved a lackadaisical hand in the air, "...you know."

You weren't entirely sure what he meant, but you assumed he was talking about his newfound celebrity status. Does he really get mobbed all that often? You hadn't the faintest idea of what he actually has to put up with in his daily life. But you can only imagine the strain that takes on his mental health.

"Yeah, I'm sure that it can be really hard to deal with sometimes." You fiddled with the hem of your dress, looking down and suddenly overcome with a bout of shyness. There was a question you had put on the backburner since the moment you saw him this afternoon. But you weren't sure if you should leave it alone, or find the right time to ask. Now that you had settled more with this situation you find yourself in coupled with Austin's naturally easygoing energy drawing you out of your shell, you felt comfortable in bringing it up.

Obviously it had occurred to you that since your breakup, Austin has probably been in other relationships. Or you assumed so anyway. You weren't one to pry, but you couldn't deny that it was a burning question that you wondered to yourself.

If Austin tells you he is currently seeing someone, what would that change in the way you view him? The romantic undertones that were left between the lines on the letter he wrote you seemed clear as day. But who knows. Austin is kind of that way with everyone. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe this really was just two friends getting together, and not two exes with an undoubtable spark.

Your eyes looked everywhere but his, too afraid that his oceanic eyes will suck you in and see through the veil to your subconscious thoughts. The question was on the tip of your tongue, it was no use trying to stifle it down.

You smoothed down the front of your dress and regained some composure. "Have you been seeing anyone in particular these days?" You spoke, trying to sound put together. With just enough courage you finally looked him in the eye.

Maybe it was the way the candles flickered in the light, but you swore that you saw Austin's eyes sparkle again like they did not that long ago when you called him by his forgotten petname.

This was his big break into the conversation he was hoping to have. He chose his words carefully. "When you say 'anyone in particular' I presume you mean, am i seeing any 'woman' in particular?" He clarified.

Biting your bottom lip, you simply nod your head.

He shifted slightly in his chair, leaning forward. The floor creaked beneath his boot heels. "No. I haven't been interested in dating for a little while now. Nor have I had the time to allocate to forging a romantic bond with a woman. But as of late, I've been thinking about maybe opening up that part of me again. For the right girl."

Austin held prolonged eye contact with you as he let that last sentence fall from his lips and onto the table. He hoped that you picked up on his meaning. Dating any other woman except for you was completely out of the question. He prays he's playing his cards right.

"What about yourself? Has there been a special man in your life?" He asks, throwing the ball into your court now.

You also lean forward in your chair, mirroring his body language. "No. I've kinda been busy just focusing on my career and healing myself. But who knows what the future may hold..." You leave your comment purposely open ended, leaving it up for him to extrapolate whatever he wants from that breadcrumb you left behind.

"Hmm." Was all he managed to hum under his breath. He broke eye contact with you as he sat back in his chair yet again. His thumb and forefinger stroked his bottom lip, like he usually does when he's overcome with racing thoughts.

You could tell he was ruminating over something and wasn't willing to share. Noticing his lack of an answer, you prod a little further. "What's going through your mind?" You carefully asked.

After a brief pause, his lip sprang free from his fingers and he placed his hand on his thigh. "Do you know why I asked you to come and visit me?"

"Because you wanted to show me around your new place."

"While yes that is true, that wasn't my only reason."

"Then enlighten me, why did you invite me here?"

"Because I missed you." He said plainly.

His words hung thick in the air like a suffocating fog causing you to hitch your breath. That was part of the truth, but there was definitely more he wasn't saying. Whatever it was, you were gonna yank it out of him. "That's it? You write me out of the blue, haven't spoken to each other years. You invite me all the way out to your farmhouse in the middle of Georgia, make dinner and offer me peach tea just because you miss me?"

Austin fully leans forward in his chair, elbows folded and resting on the table. A match was struck and a flame grew behind his eyes, but it wasn't from sexual desire. He was growing irritated. "What are you trying to infer here?" He asks, totally bewildered by your sudden bite.

You crossed your arms in front of you. "I think we both know that there's more to your plan than you care to let on."

He scoffed "Is that so? Well, since you seem to have it all figured out, why don't you fill me in." He's trying but failing to remain levelheaded. And so are you. All common sense leaps out the window.

You let out an exasperated sigh. "Austin, please be serious." You roll your eyes.

"I'm afraid you're gonna have to do better than that, Y/N." He tisked.

"Fine. Let me be clear. We broke up and you haven't said a word to me in all these years. Now all of a sudden you just, miss me?" You hissed.

Austin raised a quizzical brow. "Is it so wrong for me to miss you?"

Annoyance flooding your senses, you doubled down. "It's not that it's wrong, you just kind of left me high and dry and now we're in this situation." The words flew out of your mouth at warp speed.

A dry chuckle filled the air from the other side of the table. "From my recollection, you were the one that flew all the way across the country to get as far away from me as possible. Remember?" Austin said.

Fuck, that's it. Any chance of having an adult conversation was long gone by now. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you could feel the pump adrenaline rush to your brain, shutting down all logical rationale.

"And from my recollection, you were the one that ended the relationship in the first place without any good reason." You raised your voice.

"Aaah." Austin pieced the puzzle together. "So that's what this is all about." He nodded to himself, saying matter-of-factly. Now it all made sense. He genuinely didn't realize that you harbored negative feelings over the way things ended. It was all being laid out on the table.

"Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that once we split I wanted my space. So yes, I did fly across the country. But it was to get away from the reminder of what we had." You huffed.

"Do you loathe me that much that you had to up and leave? I offered you the villa. You didn't have to move coasts." He asked, there was a twinge of hurt to his question. It was a tough one to ask you, but he needed to know.

You shook your head, astonished. "How could you seriously expect me to stay when that house held every single memory of what we shared all those years ago. Do you think I actually wanted to stay in the place where we were building a life together? And then it was all ripped away. It was painful for me." You trailed off. In an attempt to self-soothe, you stroked one of your arms comfortingly as those difficult memories from your past love flickered through your mind. Some of these sentiments you hadn't even expressed to yourself, let alone to Austin. You wished that the floor could open up and swallow you whole.

Austin's jaw clenched. He was fighting back the urge to break down in this very moment. Seeing you open up a part of yourself that's been closed off of all this time was hard to watch. It was a tough pill to swallow to think that he had caused you to feel this pain. And he mentally kicked his past self for it. He truly never wanted to hurt you.

He let out a long sigh, lowering his tone and stripping away his ego. "Listen, Y/N. I take accountability for how things ended between us. That wasn't the plan for the future that I wanted with you. I envisioned a beautiful, harmonious coexistence with you by my side. Like I wrote in my letter, I was having a hard time coming to terms with my privacy being stripped away the more that my career took off, completely out of my control. Maybe deep down there was a part of me that knew that the more I was getting pushed into the spotlight the more that the public would sink their claws into you, stripping away your innocence. A-and, just knowing that you were in the crosshairs of it all, i simply couldn't allow you to get hurt by my lifestyle. No way..." Austin shook his head and trailed his wandering eye away from yours as he got lost in the thought that tormented him the most.

There it was. There was finally the answer that you have been searching for this whole time. A lot of emotions were rising to the surface and you weren't sure you knew how to process them.

With this important piece of information dawning on you, you bravely express the most important takeaway from this entire ordeal that's been left unsaid. "So, you broke up with me to protect me?"

Your fatal question was followed by a long break of silent reflection. You could cut the tension with a knife. In your heart you knew this was the answer, and he knew it too. But to hear the truth being spoken out loud was cataclysmic.

Finally, Austin returned his azure orbs to you, glazed over with an emotion that you can't really read. His voice waivered as he somberly spoke. "They say that if you love something you set it free. If it comes back, then it's yours to keep..." He swallowed thickly, "If it doesn't, then it never was."

The realization of what he just said hits you like a ton of bricks. He loved you enough to let you go, to shield you from the hardships of his new life. And in writing you that letter he was testing the waters to see if that philosophical phrase was right. He wanted to see if the love was still there, if this could be remedied with time. If you came back to him, then he would have his answer. Just like he said in his letter. And you yourself denied your bodies natural inclinations to fall right back in line with him for all these years. Even when you were on differing sides of the continent, that thread that attaches you together at a soul level never withered away. It remained intact. You both could never properly move on from your romance. Nobody else could come in and replace the love that you two share for each other.

As much as you were angry and bitter with the breakup, this clarity shot down any last resentment you were holding onto.

Only one thing mattered. You were his to keep.

Suddenly you feel dizzy, the room began to spin all around you with your onslaught of sudden vertigo. Everything that you forced yourself to bottle up was now backfiring on you. It was bubbling to the surface like a bottle of coke that was shaken for too long - the pressure escaping through the cracks.

You found yourself being drawn to Austin's body like a moth to a flame. To fight the forcefield would be a fruitless endeavor. To think that you wanted nothing to do with him would be a fools errand to believe, because you know that's not true. It became all too clear to you that you still loved him. And while it scared you to admit that, your body gave in to the overt sexual desire that was churning inside you. That all too familiar coil in your stomach tightened with desire.

You forcefully stood up from your chair, and it nearly toppled over as you rose to your feet. Taken aback by your outburst, Austin planted himself firmly on the ground and stood up from his seat as well. Did his confession upset you? If you were about to storm out of the house he was prepared to run after you. While he was deathly afraid to lose you for a second time, he had to be ready for anything.

Both of you were in the height of your flight or fight response, standing at the dinner table, caught in a fiery glare. If looks could kill, you'd both be dead on the spot.

Austin trembled as he tried to find steady ground beneath him. He wanted to cut through whatever it was that you were thinking in your mind - to explain himself and put you at ease. He wasn't giving up on you without a fair fight.

"Y/N?" He tested the waters, his voice shaking.

Without hesitation, you turned on a dime directly towards him, skirting around the table. His eyes widened in trepidation as you approached. He stepped to the side of the table in preparation to get in your way and stop you from fleeing.

But what he didn't know was that you weren't leaving at all. No sooner than you got within arms reach of Austin that you grabbed his shirt collar and pulled his body towards you. A colliding of lips was harsh and unexpected to both of you, you weren't aware of your own strength. You felt as if you'd fall at any given moment, but he swiftly caught you and wrapped his long arms around your waist - pulling you impossibly close to his chest.

This wasn't the sweet, innocent kiss you both had thought about when you pictured this reunion. It was one that was oozing with so much longing, pent up aggression.

You initiated the kiss, snaking one hand into his sandy mane that clung for dear life, and the other now grasping at his flexing bicep. His strong mouth was hot, burning for you. The natural scent of him wafted through your nose as you breathed in his musky pheromones. He clashed his lips again and again against yours, probing your bottom lip with his tongue and your greedily sucked him in.

Austin growled low in your mouth, and he swallowed all of the whimpers that came pouring out passed your lips. One of his hands trailed down your ass, palming you through your dress and squeezing a large handful of your flesh roughly, his fingers sure to leave bruises on your backside by morning.

The feel of you in his hands once again felt like home. And as his tongue worked with yours in a sinful display of carnal lust, you drank him in happily once more - as if you had never broken up in the first place.

Austin's hand on your waist snaked up your spine, catching the zipper of your dress between his fingertips. He toyed with it though, never daring to pull it down just yet. That was enough to set you off. You needed out of the dining room and into his bed or else you'd implode.

Your swollen lips parted from Austin's roughly, but he went on the attack and planted hungry kisses down your neck - his growing appetite for you seemingly insatiable. Remembering that one sweet spot that made you putty in his hands, he latched onto that place on your neck and sucked the delicate skin until it left a purple bruise. You mewled, gripping stronger onto his arm and further tangling your fingers into his blonde tresses.

Releasing your neck from his mouth, his tongue licked over the area, soothing the irritated skin. You felt your knees practically give way.

"Austin," You sighed wantonly, "Please take me. Now." You begged.

You didn't need to tell him twice. "Yes, ma'am." He cooed, panting in your face as his lips captured yours once more for another searing kiss before his hands went to the backs of your thighs. Instinctively, you jumped up into his arms, wrapping your legs high around his waist and your arms around his neck as he held you firmly in place within his embrace.

How far away the bed was from the dining room table you had no idea. You hoped it wasn't a long journey, because you were both getting antsy for more skin to skin contact. As he cradled you in his strong arms he walked the both of you through a narrow corridor and turned a corner to the staircase. How he managed to carry you all the way up these stairs without getting winded turned you on even more than you thought possible.

You weren't done having your way with him though. As he made his way through the second floor, your lips placed gentle kisses along the bulging veins of his neck. He hummed lowly at your efforts to distract him, fully basking in the way you payed extra attention to every single inch of skin you could get your mouth on.

Finally, at the end of the hallway was the final destination. With one of his feet he kicked the door of the bedroom wide open. It nearly cracked the door hinges it was that forceful. He just simply couldn't wait any longer to have his way with you.

Making his way to stand at the foot of the bed, he braced his body weight on the plush comforter with one of his knees, and bent forward to place you in the center of the bed. You sighed at the loss of contact from Austin, but it wouldn't be for long.

You sat up and watched as his electric blue eyes glazed over with lust bore into yours as he quickly removed his shirt, throwing it somewhere he'd forget about later. And he toed his boots off, now leaving himself in nothing but his jeans.

It had been way too long since you've seen Austin like this. In the years apart you can clearly tell that he's put on some muscle definition. A shy whimper left your lips as you fully took in the sight of his broad chest, heaving with exertion and glistening with sweat.

Even with his tanned skin you could tell a faint blush was creeping onto his cheeks in the way that you stared at him like he was a full course meal. He exhaled deeply, a cheeky side smile was plastered on his face. Here you were, his dream girl, in his bed like he fantasized about for years, begging for him to take you. Austin was on cloud nine, and he wouldn't hide his obvious insatiable urges any longer.

And honestly, neither could you. Why the hell have you been tormenting yourself, trying to pretend that you didn't love him when you clearly still do? It was stupid, and after what you said to him downstairs at dinner you wanted to make it up to him.

As Austin was about to climb onto the bed to join you, you held up one of your hands, "Wait, Austin."

He stopped dead in his tracks. He prayed to God you didn't just all of a sudden grow a conscience and change your mind. "Everything alright?" He asked, concerned.

You nodded, shimmying your way down the massive king sized bed and leaping down to the floor below you. Your eyes met in a meek moment of hesitation. You allowed your fingertips to softly twirl around his chest hairs. You could feel his heart pounding like a drum beneath your hand, he drew in his lower lip and bit down in an effort to stifle the tiniest moan that wanted to escape. His hands tenderly cupped either side of your face, waiting expectantly for your instructions.

"I just...I want to please you first." You spoke softly. Your idle hand beside you burned hot against his skin as you let you fingers do the talking. Eyeing him fully, Austin gasped when your hand trailed over the waistband of his jeans as your fingers circled the faintest of touches along the rock hard outline of his engorged cock.

"Oh, God." His eyes closed, savoring this small touch, moaning breathlessly as you traced around his swollen member through his jeans, his hands clutched harder around your waist.

Swallowing thickly, he opened his eyes which were completely blown black, and shook his head. This wasn't usually how things went. He was the man, and he wanted to please you first. But how could he deny himself when you had him literally in the palm of your hand. "Baby, you don't have to."

"I know. I want to." Feeling bold, you went on your tiptoes and steadied yourself with a hand on his shoulder. His arms pulled you flush to his hard body. In an ultimate power move, your tongue slips past your lips and licks the shell of his ear. He throbbed in his pants, whimpering at the sudden contact.

With your lips still pressed to his ear, you breathed hotly, "I want to remember what it feels like to have your cock in my mouth."

Emitting a deep growl, Austin harshly grabbed your ass with both hands, forcing your stomach to press right against his erection. You writhed in his grasp, sighing deliciously as he rocked his length into your pelvis.

"You're a goddamn vixen, you know that? Miss me that much you wanna suck me off, huh?" He gritted through his teeth, getting high on your breathy moans that fill his ear. He ground his cock harder against you, drunk on the friction.

This now marked the start of your mission to treat Austin like he deserved to be treated. With everything he's done for you, you feel like he's earned this, and his efforts will be heartily rewarded. You reluctantly detach your mouth from his ear and place both your hands on his chest, pushing him back against the bed playfully. When you don't immediately climb onto the bed after him, he sits up on his elbows, watching your next move intently. The unpredictability is what keeps him on the edge, wanting so much more.

You make sure Austin has his undivided attention you as you reach behind your back, unzipping your summer dress all the way. You teasingly push the fabric down your shoulders and shimmy it slowly down your body until it pools into a heap on the floor - the whole time never breaking eye contact with him. You slip out of your heels and discard them to the side.

Austin bites his lip at the sight of you in your matching white lace panties and bra. This confirms to him all the same that you are in fact his angel. He thought God definitely took his sweet time in making you. And he made you just for him.

Now finally, you rose up onto the bed. On your hands and knees, you swayed seductively over his long body. You settled to straddle his lap with your legs on either side of his hips. His large hands smacked your ass, and you moaned fully right into his face at the delicious sting. He chuckled devilishly before he rose his back off the bed, bringing your lips back where they belonged. His plump mouth nearly engulfed yours as he ravenously devoured you, his strong tongue lapping back against yours in a fight for mutually assured dominance.

You wouldn't let him have his way, not yet. Taking his lower lip in your mouth, you bite down softly. He wined, and he let his hips rise off the bed as he rolled himself directly into your soaked pussy that was barely hanging on by the lace panties that covered them. With his hands still firmly on your ass, he pushed you down on his dick as you rode along his impressive length.

"Aus." You moaned. Hold on a second, this was all too much, you have to remember the task at hand before you let yourself come all over his jeans. You reluctantly pry yourself away from his firm grip on your ass, and traveled down his lower half, placing wet kisses along his chest and abs.

Looking up at him through your long flirty lashes, you unbuttoned his pants and unzipped the fly. Hooking your fingers in the waistband of his jeans and underwear, you pull both of them down his legs at the same time, discarding them into the distance behind you.

Finally, you were met with the glorious sight of Austin's naked form. He looked like a Greek God, sculpted by the most talented hands on Earth. His cock lobbed back against his stomach, the tip angry and red and dripping already with a bead of pre-cum. You haven't had Austin in so long that you weren't sure if you could be relaxed enough to fully take all of him into your throat. But you sure as hell were gonna do your best, and make him feel amazing.

He wined impatiently as you licked your lips in anticipation for his cock in your mouth. But you were gonna have your fun with him first. You peppered his inner thighs with chaste kisses, making him writhe beneath you. He already could tell you were gonna torture the daylights out of him and leave him begging for more. But honestly, he didn't care.

Austin left one of his hands idle on the bed beside him, while his other hand made its way into your soft hair. He wasn't forcing or guiding you anywhere near him, he just lovingly tangled his fingers through your silky strands as you took your time in making your way over his aching cock.

You made sure your hands were sufficiently warm to the touch as to not startle him with possibly cold fingers by blowing hot air onto them. And then you took your left hand and gave it a generous coating of your spit. When you hand wrapped firmly around the base of his cock Austin let out a soft moan, his brow furrowing already and you barely touched him. He was watching everything, not daring to miss a move you'd make.

Slowly but surely, your hand began to squeeze and stroke up and down on his shaft. You expertly rotated your wrist in small circles around his length and paid special attention to his swollen tip before making your way back down to the base - repeating this motion.

"Lord have mercy." Austin mewled in his newly acquired southern drawl that you haven't heard before. It seems like playing Elvis Presley has left an impression on him, and he took those little bits of his accent with him. It was fucking hot.

Austin was gone to lunch, totally transported to another planet at the feeling of your warm hand jerking him off. He wasn't at all prepared for what you were about to do next, though. With your left hand working his cock you lowered your mouth down to his aching balls. Your tongue licked one long fat swipe across the left one before you took it into your mouth.

Austin shivered, his grip on your hair tightened and his mouth hung open in awe, a drawn out ragged moan leaving his lips.

You released him from your mouth and repeated the action to the right one. Drool was dribbling down your mouth and making a mess as you were lavishing his balls, Your left hand then began to swirl around his tip just a bit longer, applying the right amount of pressure to elicit the sexiest noises coming from Austin's mouth. "Goddamn it, Y/N." He groaned thickly.

Satisfied that you gave plenty of attention down below, you now focused your efforts on his cock. With your hand still firmly around him, you parted your eager lips, allowing your spit to drip down his dick and coat him further, fully slick and ready for you. Your hot breath pooled over his tip before you finally lowered your mouth onto his needy cock.

Austin threw his head back against the pillows, the feeling of your hot lips wrapped around him was overbearing in the best ways. "Fuck yes..." He bellowed.

This spurred you on, seeing him come undone with barely just one swipe of your mouth on him. You were already soaking, this was turning you on like no other. You felt your wetness seep out from your panties and onto your inner thighs as you clamped them shut, trying to create friction for yourself as you worked wonders on his cock.

You weren't about to deepthroat him right away, not now anyway. You were just focused on taking in a much of him as you could comfortably allow, and using your hand to pump the rest of him in tandem.

The slurping noises your mouth made as you bobbed your head along his cock, strings of spit cascading around him, was salacious. You set a steady rhythm, milking his shaft and swirling your tongue along the underside of his cock as your mouth took him in. You moaned around him in your mouth, sending a sinful vibration along his shaft.

Austin's hand gripped even harder on your hair as you worked him, and again, he was not pushing or guiding you anywhere. He allowed you to set the pace and do whatever you wanted. However, his hips had a mind of their own and they rose off the bed, his cock going deeper into your mouth. A panic rose within you as you felt your inexperienced gag reflex activate, but you relaxed your throat as best you could to accommodate his length, gurgling around his cock crudely.

"Fuck, just like that baby. So fucking good." He moaned. You quickened your pace a little more, stroking his length and easing the rest of him into your throat. Austin was fully drenched in your spit as you sucked his cock. You hummed in pleasure at the sight of Austin in the throws of passion, the vibration making him groan louder and bucking gently into your mouth. You gagged a little more around him, but you tried your best to relax your throat.

"Such a good girl taking, my cock so well." He praised as he watched you with heavy lidded eyes. He knew you didn't really like to deepthroat, but he just couldn't help himself. He was dreaming about your lips around his aching dick for years, and now it was finally happening. If he wasn't careful, he could come at any second. And he wanted this to last.

He hated having to stop you mid sloppy blowjob, but he had to forego his enate desires and save his impending orgasm for later. Plus he had other things he wanted to attend to first.

"Baby," He sighed lustfully, trying to get your attention. His back rose off of the bed and you looked up at him with doe eyes. "You're gonna make me come if you keep going like that." He chuckled breathlessly at the lewd vision of his cock still deep inside your mouth. This was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

Catching onto his meaning, you released your hand from around him and you slowly removed him from your mouth with a wet plop. His cock fell back against his stomach with a thud.

"I just realized how much I missed this." You pouted.

Butterflies rose in his stomach at your confession. You really did want him just as much as he wanted you. The insecurities that plagued his brain in all this missing time without you insistently told him that you were better off without him. That some other man could take care of you better than he ever could. But in the recesses of his brain, he knew that was the worst lie. Sure, he had brief periods of imposter syndrome. And he worried if he would ever be enough. But the better part of him knew that he was. He was an idiot for letting you go in the first place. But he needn't try to concern himself with matters of the past - this was the present. And right now, he just watched you messily deepthroat his cock. If that didn't scream "love" then he had no idea what did.

He smoothed down your messy hair tenderly, a warm smile creeping on his gorgeous face. "You haven't the faintest idea of how badly I wanted this exact moment to become a reality."

"Oh no, I could tell." You teased.

Austin scrunched up his nose adorably. This was his happy place. You here in his arms, your body warming his bed. It was heaven on earth.

Seeing how badly you wanted his cock in your mouth gave him a second rush of adrenaline. While his weeping tip leaked even more pre-cum, he can't be focused on his release.

Austin cradled your face in his hands, rising you up from the bed below him. The faint saltiness on your mouth from his impending load lingered on your tongue as he kissed you passionately, adoringly.

It became all too apparent to you, now that you were back on your hands and knees, that your juices were practically rolling down your thigh. You have no idea how these panties haven't evaporated into nothingness from the vast amount of slick coating them. But Austin intended to rid them soon enough.

Pulling you against his chest, he smoothly rolled you over so that you were laying on your back. Your legs instinctively parted, beckoning for him to come in. And he took to settling between your thighs, contentedly. His hands nestled on either side of your head, steadying his body weight, as he took your breath away with strong longing kisses. You moaned into his mouth and he happily took them, giving his own moans right back to you.

As his tongue was swirling around in your mouth, you couldn't help but think about his mouth ravishing your lips down below. Your clit pulsed at the obscene thought. It was hard to kid yourself about the fact that you had thought about this many a time - him going down on you. No other man could ever eat your pussy the way that Austin does. He's like a master at his craft, and he's an overly generous lover. You need him in every conceivable way.

Needy for any kind of friction to soothe the ache between your throbbing core, your hips rose off from the bed as you captured his bare cock still drenched in your saliva in-between your clothed folds.

You whimpered wistfully as you worked your tongue against his harder in his mouth. "Austin, I need you." You said between steamy kisses.

Gripping onto your thighs, he splayed them open wider for easy access, and rubbed his cock along your pussy, hungrily growling into your mouth.

"How much do you need me? Tell me." He rasped huskily, his voice dripping with sex as he continued to grind himself against your soaked cunt.

You sighed raggedly against his open mouth. "So fucking bad." You begged.

That was all that he needed to hear. He attacked your neck with open mouth sloppy kisses as he made his way down to your breasts. You sat up quickly and helped him to unhook your bra, throwing it across the room. Your nipples grew instantly hard at the cool breeze hitting them, and under the devouring eye of Austin as he licked his lips eagerly. He bent his head down and trapped one of your nipples in his mouth, rolling it around with his warm tongue.

"Aus..." You moaned, rolling your head back as you basked in his mouth on your breast. In response, you lifted your hips higher off the bed and ground yourself harder against his cock. A low hum emanated from his mouth and sent a shiver down your spine.

After giving plenty of attention to your nipple, making it stand to attention just the way he wants it, he moved over to ravage the other one, his tongue flicked against the sensitive pert bud. You gasped as he rolled your nipple into his mouth, your hands flew to his hair and found purchase in his sandy waves. "Please..." You pleaded.

Giving you what you want, Austin snaked his way down your stomach, peppering chaste kisses along your navel. Finally, his face was directly in line with your slick heat. His azure sparkling eyes landed squarely on you longingly, as he placed one brief kiss over your clothed pussy teasingly before pulling down your panties. You gasped at how close he was to your sex as he played with you.

It was almost embarrassing how truly wet and ready you were for him. As he removed your underwear, a trail of your juices got pulled down along them from your oozing core. Austin threw you a coy smirk, amused at how the string of slick just kept going the further he brought your panties down your legs.

"Fucking hell baby, you are soaked. And all just for me." Austin cooed. With his index finger he pulled at the string of delectable wetness, twirling it around his finger as your slick finally pulled away from your panties. He brought his finger into his mouth and sucked in earnest. He closed his eyes and savored the first taste of you he's gotten in god knows how long. This got him impossibly hard.

"You taste just as sweet as I remember." He mumbled hoarsely.

Seeing him get lost in the taste of you from just this little gesture sent you careening over the edge. You squirmed against the bed, fully exposed to him and sopping wet for his viewing pleasure.

He practically salivated at your shimmering pussy as he took in the full picture of you spread wide, gushing and needy for him. Your pussy lips were flushed like a beautiful rose as they bloomed open for Austin's ministrations. Seeing your slippery juices spread across your folds and your inner thighs made his cock throb hard and proud against his belly.

He was definitely ready to dive headfirst, and so were you. This pining business was exhausting, but damn did it ever keep you both on your toes. And better yet, you both wanted to bask in the glory of each others bodies once more.

Austin got comfortable beneath you, the bed was big enough so that he could lay on his front while you had plenty of room as well. Like a serpent, he slithered his body up your legs, leaving smoldering kisses on your inner thighs in his wake.

You grabbed your breasts in your hands, gently kneading them as you softly whimper at his velvet lips against your delicate skin. Finally after what feels like forever and a day, his lips were tormentingly close to your weeping folds. Just like you had teased him before, he was going to return the same tenacity to you. You swallowed harshly as the building tension rose to the surface, waiting for him to take what's his.

In the most agonizingly delightful way, his wet tongue swiped one soft lick across your throbbing clit. The strangled whine that left your lips was music to his ears. He barely even started and you were a hot mess for him, yearning and writhing for him.

His tongue found it's way down to your gushing hole, collecting the succulent nectar, flicking a long fat stripe up through your folds and teased around your clit in a figure 8. He remembered exactly how to pleasure you to make you come hard and fast, it wasn't lost on him at all. It was complete muscle memory.

Austin was taking his time with you, enjoying every sound and movement you made while his tongue swiped deliberately slow kitten licks against your clit. "Austin!" You shrieked, his dirty blonde locks getting abused yet again as your dainty fingers wound around his tresses. He moaned against your folds, his hot breath spreading across your inner thighs and mixing with your slick.

Everything about your luscious pussy drove him crazy. His tongue probed your lips and savored in the feeling of them collapsing against his mouth. And your bulging clit stood to attention as he ran just the tip up and down languidly. He was awestruck how your body responded to him effortlessly, getting wetter for him by the second. He could taste you all day.

Soon enough, Austin spread open your lips even more with each rhythmic lap against your pussy. His entire mouth greedily engulfed your folds as he sucked, creating a vacuum against you, his tongue creating pulsing swipes and licking all of the sticky sweet slick you had to give him at the same time.

"Oh fuck, yes!" You groaned, your head fell back against the pillows. Your hips matched the steady pace he set as you fucked his face. He moaned, cajoling him to set his sights solely on your swollen bud. With a loud flop, he released your folds from the confines of his heated mouth and used one of his hands to spread your lips apart with two fingers, revealing more of your sensitive clit that's been so far left untouched by his tongue.

This nearly nocked the wind out of your sails as he set a devastatingly fast pace of sloppy, wet licks against your clit. He felt you pulse with gusto against his tongue as your engorged bundle of nerves gets battered, groaning against you. Your legs shake around him violently, your breath hitches in your throat, and you're just laying there unable to make any kind of noise from how completely blissed out you are.

"Ohmygod" You moaned helplessly, marveling in Austin's determination at skillfully eating your cunt. The feeling of his prickly beard scratches against your thighs as he consumes you. The burning sensation is a welcome addition.

After giving ample attention to your clit he dived back into your folds, collecting every single drop of your wetness and vigorously lapping, swiping, and licking you into smithereens. He was a man hellbent on making you come, and he'd stop at nothing to get you to your climax. He moaned huskily against your slick folds.

The sound of his powerful tongue macerating your juicy pussy mixing with his saliva filled the room. It was insanely pornographic. He ate you like he was starving - like you were the sweetest confection he's ever tasted. His swollen red mouth and wet muscle suckled on your heavenly nectar as if he could die at any second. He missed you so fucking much these last few years. To say he was making up for lost time was the understatement of the century.

As if he couldn't devour you fast enough, he somehow picked up the pace. He abruptly plunged his tongue deep inside your pussy, causing you to squeal his name loud enough for the neighbors to hear. He grabbed hold of your hips and bounced your pussy against his tongue roughly. The tip of his nose was grazing against your clit with fervor. This was it, this would be the end of you.

You conjured up enough strength to look down at the man before you, desperate for you to come, lapping up your slick, groaning hotly against your pussy. His bangs fell into his face, plastered to his forehead with a noticeable layer of sweat. This was the best workout of his life.

You rocked yourself hard against his mouth, your wetness coating his entire face and dripping down his chin. "Aus, I-I'm gonna f-fucking come..." You warned him, clinging to his hair for dear life. All he could afford to reply back to you with was a sexy growl of approval as he tongue fucked you. One of his hands wound their way around to your clit and spun fast circles, sending you directly down the one way street of your orgasm.

Within seconds, you were coming. Your hands clung onto the sheets beneath you, your back arching off the bed entirely, as you wailed Austin's name loudly. Your orgasm rushed through your body violently, making your legs tremble uncontrollably around Austin's head, and your slick coating his face even more. He slurped and swallowed up every last remnant of your climax, cleaning you up. You shivered as he gave your clit a few last generous kitten licks before he rose to kneel on the bed.

Austin heaved ragged breaths, looking totally fucked out with your juices blanketing his nose, mouth, and chin that he wore like a badge of honor. He proudly displayed a wide grin as he successfully brought you to your first orgasm.

"That was mind blowing." He said, accomplished about his fruitful efforts.

"Mmm." You nodded in agreement, totally unable to utter a single word as you tried to recover from your impactful orgasm, the wave of your release rattling you to the bone.

He crawled up your body, settling back between your legs. Seeing you reeling from the earth chattering orgasm he gave to you definitely stoked his ego, and endeared you to him all over again. His girl was back - just when he thought he'd lost you forever. As he put all his weight on one hand beside your head, his other hand held your chin, angling you down just enough to brush your lips against his in a loving kiss. You could taste yourself on his mouth, riling you up all over again and ready for climax number two.

As he deepened the kiss, his hand left your chin and gently squeezed one of your breasts in his large palm. You hummed into his mouth at the feeling of his fingertips drawing lazy circles around your now hardening nipple. The fact that he can manipulate your body with the tiniest amount of effort was maddening, getting you wet all over again in mere seconds.

He didn't stop there. His fingers then traveled further south until he took his cock in hand and stroked the tip up and down against your clit, causing the most intoxicating friction.

Your lips pulled away from Austin's kiss as you moaned softly at the feeling. He was so close to railing the life out of you, but it took a hell of a lot of willpower to keep that thought at bay as he teased you.

"You ready, darlin'?" He rasped, his voice slipping back effortlessly into his southern drawl. He let the tip of his cock slide down to your slick entrance, running circles around the tight ring of your walls, teasing you further and making sure you're primed.

Your bedroom eyes were in full effect when you caught him in a smoldering stare. "Yes, Aus. Please don't tease me any more. Take me." You sighed.

He nodded, having fully heard your plea. Your legs went to slide around his waist, pulling him close to you, coaxing him. Running his cock up and down your soaking folds a few times to coat himself with your juices, he eased into you.

The feeling felt oddly foreign to both of you, but at the same time it felt like returning back to creature comforts. You were both homesick for this primal necessity for his dick to be buried snuggly inside of your warm walls. No more did Austin have to jack himself off to this exact moment left to his own devices, nor did you have to miss the sweet sting of your pussy accommodating his girth. This was the reunion of a lifetime.

You both let out a primal groan in unison, the intermingling of your pleasure sounding like the most beautiful music. He stayed still inside you for just a minute, letting your walls fully relax around his cock, before he ventured on. In no time he completely bottomed out. You clung to him with all of your might, your hand grasping at any part of him that you could. And his free hand immediately went to find residence on your throat, not applying pressure yet, just simply resting there.

"Are you alright?" Austin inquired softly through ragged breaths. It had been far too long since you've been stretched to max capacity by his cock, so he was dutifully checking in on you. His baby blues flickered over your face, trying to gauge your comfortability and any signs of pain.

You smiled shyly at his sweet gesture in a moment of intense passion. "Yeah i'm okay, I promise."

He smirked. "Okay, good." His lips placed a delicate kiss upon your forehead adoringly, happy in the fact that he didn't hurt you - at least not right now. You knew in the back of your mind you would be sore as hell for a week after this.

You clenched your walls around him voluntarily, letting him know he was safe to continue on. He gasped at the feeling of the vice grip you already had around his engorged cock. In his mind, he made a silent vow that he would last long tonight - fore he knew he was already too far gone.

"Someone's eager," He growled, the hand around your throat constricting just the faintest amount. "You need me that desperately, babygirl?"

Oh god, he was gonna string this out. Just the dirty words pouring out of his mouth alone made your pussy clamp down around him, earning you another rumbling hum from Austin.

Showing him just how much you wanted him, you started to move your hips along his shaft as best you could, using your legs around his waist as an anchoring point. "Fuck me, Austin Butler."

His heart thumped wildly in his chest at your obvious show of depravity. And his full name falling from your lips as his cock was filled to the brim inside your slippery cunt was all the motivation he needed.

Trembling, he slowly pulled nearly all the way out of you, leaving only the tip inside. You wanted him to fuck you? Well, he hoped you were ready to live up to your words. Because no sooner that he pulled out of you, he thrusted his cock all the way back inside your pussy with a gutteral groan. And this time, he didn't leave room for you to adjust around him. He began to snap his hips against you.

Your head fell back against the pillows, eyes closed shut, his name falling from your lips in a high pitched wail. This was the moment you both were waiting for all these years. Finally you were connected mind, body, and soul - and quite literally joined as one with every deep stroke of his throbbing cock thrusting in and out of your dripping pussy. It was like every single drop of angst, anger, resentment, and past bitter feelings was getting fucked out of you both. Leaving nothing behind except your sweaty bodies, rocking back and forth in an animalistic showing of unification. You craved to be fused together as one entity, and with each long and masterful brush of his cock against your walls, it was starting to become a reality.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you're so tight." Austin moaned in your ear. "I've been dreaming of the day I could be inside your perfect pussy again." He sucked on the sensitive skin on the side of your neck, you moaned louder at the harsh contact of his lips against your flesh, your pussy clamping down around him.

Your arms hooked underneath Austin's biceps, slotting your nails perfectly into the contours of his shoulders as you used him as leverage to bounce yourself onto his wet cock coated in your juices, matching his fast pace. "You feel so fucking good." You mewl into his neck.

This spurred him on like no other. You brought out the uncontrollable wild man inside of him. His carnal tendencies that he usually pushed aside in favor harnessing his wallflower facade were rising. His inner savage was coming out.

As if he couldn't possibly get any deeper, he was about to prove you wrong. His hand left your delicate throat, which left a red imprint in his absence. He peeled his face from off your neck and rose up, putting more of his body weight onto his knees. His hot hands scorched your skin as he took hold of your thighs and pushed them both up into your stomach, spreading you further open. You were merciless to his sheer strength as he gripped your inner thighs and rammed into you at this unexplored angle.

"Austin! F-Fuck!" You moaned. Your juices squelched loudly around his thick cock that was sheathed in your slick. His leaking tip was puncturing your cervix with each and every sinful thrust of his hips. From this depth he was hitting that sweet spot only he can find as he dicked you down so good, delivering long and masterful strokes that struck you dumb.

"Look at me baby." He panted. You hadn't even realized your eyes were still glued shut this entire time, you were just getting lost in the feeling of him. This wasn't a harsh command. He wanted to see you unravel before him.

Your eyes sprang open upon his request, and the vision of the man before you was glorious. Your walls fluttered around his cock, gushing a new concoction of wetness around him, leaving you both messy.

He breathed heavily as he pummeled your divinely made pussy. His pupils dilated, totally shrinking away those beautiful ocean eyes you loved so much. His golden hair stuck to his face with perspiration, and his puffy bottom lip was drawn into his mouth.

Your incessant and needy moans cascaded around you both, bouncing off the walls and alerting every nearby neighbor to your sinful deeds. You couldn't believe this man was yours, right now in this moment. He almost didn't look real.

One of your hands unwound itself from his shoulder, and reached out to touch his face. Your thumb stroked his stubbly cheek adoringly. Which was an interesting contrast between the pounding your swollen pussy was receiving down below. This innocent moment of vulnerability made you both realize something - there was no way you could ever go another day without each other. You were bonded for life.

Austin's face lit up as he turned his cheek into your hand, his heart was melting for you. Releasing one of his hands from your thigh, he placed it on top of your hand and kissed your palm sweetly. "My darling girl." He praised between gasps of air as he plunged his cock deeper and deeper into the confines of your pulsing slick.

You probably could have cried from this heartfelt display of affection, but you cried all the same when he picked up the pace. You were both on the ride to the finish line to chase your orgasms together. It was only a matter of time.

Your hand slipped from his face and back onto yourself where you toyed with your nipples in your fingers, bringing you closer to the precipice. Austin looked down at you playing with yourself as he mercilessly snapped his hips vigorously against you. Your walls clenched around him, drawing him deeper as he repeatedly brushed against your g-spot. He groaned huskily at the sight of you.

He could tell you were close, and by god he was gonna get you there faster than you could imagine. Two of his long fingers disappeared into his mouth as he sucked on them, letting a bit of drool seep from his mouth and onto where your bodies were conjoined, adding to the juicy mess around his cock.

With just the right amount of spit coating his fingertips he made a beeline for your puffy red clit, painting spirals and figure eights at a steady pace.

You spasmed around his dick, throwing your head back and shaking at the newfound sensation. "Fuck yes baby, just like that." You shrieked. You tweaked your nipples harder in your hands as Austin sloshed around your delicious juices inside of you with every caress of his aching cock.

Austin had to control himself as he was on the verge of coming, but knowing you were so tantalizingly close, he was determined to carry you to the finish line. He played with your clit faster now as his lusty eyes burned into yours.

He completely let go of your thighs all together and fell forward onto his elbow, drilling the life out of you, as his one hand down at your clit was still assaulting you. "Allow yourself to fall, baby. I'm here to catch you. Give in to me, my angel." He moaned hot against your neck.

This was it, you were done for. As he masterfully flicked your swollen bud and fucked you into cloud 9, you could feel yourself falling from the sky and landing face first onto the ground.

"Austin!!" You whined breathlessly. Your legs shook around his waist, and you shuddered against his body as you felt a gush of hot liquid squirt out of you and splash all over Austin's cock. But you weren't close to finishing yet, your climax was creeping around the corner.

Realizing what had just happened, that you indeed squirted forcefully all over him, Austin bellowed gruffly. "Oh god yes. You're incredible. You're gonna make me come any second."

As your walls fluttered around him and his cock was pulsing harshly, his thrusts were getting sloppy. It was a rare occasion that both of you would come together, at the same time. But clearly tonight was a night for miracles to happen.

You wanted to see his face as he came inside you. So your hands latched onto his hair and you pulled his head back, forcing him to look you square in the eye as you both unfurled.

"I-I'm gonna come s-so hard." You pleaded desperately.

"I'm right there with you, angel." He lost it completely when you shuddered beneath him, your pussy milking his cock for everything he's worth as you start to come. You whimpered his name as you rode out your orgasm, squirming beneath his fingers as he still circled your overstimulated clit.

"FUCK. Goddamn..." He slammed inside of you once, twice, thrice...and then he joined you in an orgasm that rocked his world. Austin couldn't help hoarsely moaning into your face as his hot come spilled inside of you with a fury. Your swollen cunt hungrily drank every single ounce of his sticky seed as he coated your walls.

You collapsed back onto the bed, your tired legs splayed to either side of you as you tried to catch your breath. And Austin started to shake as the dead weight of his lean body failed to stay hovering over you any longer.

With his half hard cock still full to the brim of you, he took you in his arms and rolled over onto the bed, pulling you on top of him. You could hear the racing of his heart beating hard in his chest, as he tried to regain composure with shallow breaths.

His arms lazily draped around your waist, his fingers brushed tiny circles on your flushed skin. Finally, with enough strength, you placed your hands on his chest and rose up to get a good look at him.

You both smiled, beaming from ear to ear. And without warning, Austin giggled cutely.

"Oh Lord..." He trailed off, running a hand through his hair and down his sweaty face. A pink blush rose to his sculpted cheeks.

"What's so funny?" You ask playfully, still trying to get air into your lungs.

Giggling once more, he placed a hand over his heart. "I was absolutely certain that I ruined any possibility of getting back together with you. But hot damn, I sure as hell was not expecting his outcome." He chuckled, the corner of his eyes crinkling as he smiled brightly at you.

"Well, I'm sure I wasn't helping matters by being a total bitch at dinner." You countered, being able to laugh at yourself now.

Austin's face immediately fell. "Don't say that, baby. You had every right to act the way you did. I didn't properly communicate my thoughts and feelings to you. Can you forgive me?" He asked demurely, his brows raised.

"Austin," Your sticky body detached from his as you fully straddled his lap, sitting up with your hands still on his chest. You slowly rolled your hips back against Austin, causing him to moan. "Your cock is buried inside my pussy. There's nothing to forgive." You reminded him, grinding a little harder against his cock that's surprisingly hardening back up quicker than you thought was possible. He had an insane sex drive. Or, he just missed your pussy so bad. Honestly, it was probably both.

He bit down on his lip as his hands found their way to your hips, pushing you back onto his stiffening erection. As you rode him, his come and your juices poured out of your pussy, combining into an erotic thick sludge that trickled down your thighs and onto the bedsheets.

"Mmm. My little minx. Ready for round two already?" He winked, suggestively.

FIN. (sorry to end it on such a cliffhanger lol)

tags: @aconflagrationofmyown @powerofelvis @harringrove-sketchbookpages @samfangirls @headfullofpresley @2lekk @moonchild-daniella @ggwritesstuff @plasticfantasticl0ver @austinbutlersworld @unadulteratedkingdomzombie @sapphirescripts

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler imagine #austin butler smut #smut #fanfic #fanfiction #austin butler x you #austin butler x fem!reader #austinbutleredit #austin butler x y/n #austin butler elvis #austin babe-ler #angst #Austin butler fanfic #the things left unsaid

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n-agiz · 1 year

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I'D RATHER DIEㅤ fiancé! nanami kento x gn! reader — fluff [ 0.6k+ wc ] cws none ! MDNI

ㅤloving you was the best choice nanami ever made, and if he was being completely honest, he would rather die than have to live a life without that feeling.

a/n little repost from my old blog to celebrate valentine's day hehe

nanami always looked at you as if you carried the sun in your hands, and everyone knew that.

he was completely enamored by you, so plainly in love that even if he never said it out loud whenever outsiders were around, every single person that knew him was aware of how smitten he truly was. his heart belonged to you, and he didn’t mind that one bit, completely sure of the fact that if there was anyone out there who would be able to give him the everlasting love so many chased after, it was you.

kento had never been particularly interested in relationships, which made him a walking contradiction because how can you be a romantic at heart but find no appeal in searching for someone to give all the love you had stored inside you? he had been in a few of them in his past, had previous lovers that although he didn’t nurture any romantic feelings for anymore, he still cherished, the memories he made with them nostalgic, in a sense — but those relationships only came to be by pure coincidence, a swarm of them suddenly filling his life and leading him to fall for someone, the love he suddenly felt unexpected but still enjoyable, a warm feeling that he undeniably enjoyed. you, however, were different, the first person kento didn’t need any sort of serendipity to want to chase after, the actions he made out of his free-will exactly what led him into your arms as opposed to the usual effect of what could only be described as destiny meddling with his life and putting him into situations he wouldn’t find himself in otherwise. he didn’t fall in love with you at first sight, didn’t feel any sudden rush of adoration or any string of connection right away — instead, he felt like he would fall in love with you eventually, an indescribable feeling, a premonition of what his life would look like if he chased after you so, without thinking twice, he did, seeking someone for the first time in his life, and right now, as he looked at you, your features relaxed as you slept by his side on the bed you two shared every night, kento could confidently say he didn’t regret that decision one bit, if anything, feeling beyond happy he took that first step, grateful that it led to you being part of his life.

sometimes, he would think about what it would have been like if he hadn’t though, or even worse, what it would be like to lose you after having you, those ideas so grim that kento couldn’t help but feel a sudden wave of dread wash over him. he didn’t like to stay on that subject for too long, but every time he found himself caught up on it, didn’t matter for how long, he always came to the same conclusion — that he would rather die than to have to live through those possibilities. he would choose anything over losing you, anything better than losing the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, mind always vacating itself of such sour perspectives whenever he looked down onto his ring finger, the silver band wrapped around it a happy reminder of your promise to one another, of the love and respect and loyalty you shared. kento would rather die than lose you, but as the weeks passed and the quickly approaching big day slowly became more of a reality you two could share, one that symbolized a lifetime together, he couldn’t help but wish you two could instead become immortal together, all so you could truly have an eternity to be by each other’s side.

N-AGIZ '22ㅤ REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED !

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thebabblingbrookenook · 1 year

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Not Like This

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x Female Reader

Summary: You’ve kept your feelings for Anthony in check for a long time. That all changes when he crosses that line himself. Can you move forward together, or will this drive you apart?

Warnings: Foreplay, Heavy Petting, Fondling, Plenty of other good stuff

Word Count: 6.4K

Author’s Note - @colettebronte what would I do without you to read over all my tippy-tappies. Thank you so much.

____________________________________________

Lies!

It was always a lie with him. How were you ever supposed to get over your trust issues when the person you thought you would never have to second guess constantly led you astray? His word was supposed to be as good as gold. If you couldn’t rely on the local weatherman, then how could you possibly be expected to rely on anyone else?

Staring out your living room window, you scowled at the rain pouring from the sunless sky. This day was far from the promised clear skies with a light breeze. It was the exact opposite, and it laughed in the face of all of your scheduled plans. Plans that you had been looking forward to for days. Plans that weren’t easily rescheduled due to the company they required.

Anthony was almost impossible to pin down these days. When you met at uni, you were both unencumbered, free to do exactly as you pleased. There weren’t any responsibilities lurking over you like a wet blanket. If he called you at 1 AM on a weeknight you could talk to him about nothing for two hours until he would finally fall asleep. If you invited him out at the last minute to grab a bite to eat, he’d drop whatever he was doing and meet you at the hole-in-the-wall pub you loved to frequent. But you weren’t at uni anymore. You were both proper adults now. Well, at least he was. You were giving it your best effort, but still found yourself flailing most of the time.

You missed him. You missed the way things used to be. The easy laughter and the companionship. The sense of being understood and feeling less alone. You missed arguing with him over stupid things that didn’t matter. You missed spending Sundays with his chaotic family, and watching him transform into a completely different person in the presence of his mother. And even though you shouldn’t, you really, really shouldn’t, you missed the ache in your chest when he smiled at you. The heat that blushed your skin whenever he touched you. Even though you knew those touches were never meant as more than friendship.

Those were dangerous feelings. Feelings that you had murdered a long time ago. You had to, there was no other choice. You were friends and nothing more. If you let yourself imagine any other reality for too long, it would have ruined it all. Anthony was the kind of man that it would be easy to love, and that was a trap that you weren’t willing to walk into.

But that didn’t stop you from missing him. It didn’t stop you from the ugly jealousy you felt when you took a back seat every time he got a new girlfriend. It didn’t stifle your rage when one of those aforementioned women mishandled the fragile, loving heart that he liked to keep hidden below the surface. His current infatuation was the worst offender of them all. Siena…

The on-again off-again nature of their relationship was exhausting to watch. He wasn’t perfect, he made his share of contributions to their toxic dynamic, but never in your life had you seen him allow himself to be treated this way. She held him under some sort of spell that you would never understand. The man that you knew, normally confident to an obnoxious level, was reduced to crippling insecurity when they were in one of their down-swings. Unfortunately for everyone else, that insecurity usually presented itself as frustration and anger, making him unbearable to be around at times.

That’s normally when you lost him to his other mistress - work. You would never begrudge him the success that he had built for himself. You were proud of him for everything that he had achieved. Running a thriving company at the age of thirty-two was no small feat. It was just disappointing when he buried himself there, once again leaving you at the mercy of his robust schedule. You were forced to live on whatever meager scraps he had left to give.

Which brings you back to now. Your throat burned with the effort to hold back your tears when you read his easily predicted request to reschedule.

A: It’s really coming down out there. Can we maybe do this when there isn’t a real threat of drowning?

You rolled your eyes. He could be so fussy sometimes. You would have been willing to be soaked to the bone if it meant spending some time with him. Not ready to give up just yet, you sent an alternate solution.

Y: Coward… Maybe we could go visit your mum instead. I haven’t seen her for ages. We could bring dinner.

His answering response took longer than it should have. Your stomach twisted in knots while those three little dots taunted you. You were expecting paragraphs, but what you got instead…

A: Don’t be mad…

Your heart sank. This didn’t bode well.

Y: Too late. That definitely shouldn’t have been your opening statement if you had any hope of avoiding my wrath. Now I’m primed for conflict. Explain…

You tried to deflect with humor to hide the true extent of your disappointment.

A: Good to know. I’ll adjust my tactics for the next time I fuck up…

A: Violet Bridgerton would be overjoyed to see you. You should go… I just can’t come with you.

Y: Uh oh. Why not? Did you piss her off again? I told you to dial it back with the mansplaining, Ant.

A: I DO NOT MANSPLAIN!

A: I just know a lot about a lot. I offer my wisdom where I can with simple and efficient instruction. It’s called being helpful.

Y: Did you just mansplain mansplaining to me? You’re unbelievable…No wonder your mum doesn’t want to hang out with you.

A: Good God, you’re bratty. My mother adores me.

Y: Then why can’t we go visit her tonight?

A: Well… when it started pissing down rain I assumed we wouldn’t be able to go hiking. I knew you wouldn’t mind postponing for more sensible weather, so I made plans for my evening. You deserve the day you had your heart set on, not consolation plans. We’ll map out a whole day… Just for us. I promise…

The day you had your heart set on… You didn’t need hiking for that, just him. It took everything in you not to respond with bitterness.

Y: You promise?

A: I swear it. Still friends?

Y: TBD

~~~~~~~~~~

The rain stopped two hours later… It was clear now, that nature, and maybe even the weatherman, was openly mocking you. All you could do was laugh at the absurdity. If you didn’t laugh, you might cry, and nobody wanted that. You needed to find something to do. Something that would take your mind off the lingering disappointment that was trying to coax you back into bed for the rest of the day.

You decided to visit Violet. You didn’t need Anthony for that. The two of you had grown close over the years, developed a relationship of your own. The fact that you had been waiting for an invitation from her son to pop by for a visit suddenly seemed ludicrous.

Like he usually was, Anthony had been right about his mother’s joy in seeing you. When she opened her door to find you standing awkwardly on her steps, she hugged you so tightly it practically squeezed the life from you. When you offered to take her out for a late lunch, she declared that idea nonsense and insisted that you come in and catch up. Her chef had prepared a generous midday spread in anticipation of Colin stopping by. Apparently Violet had volunteered to watch the little ones while Colin surprised his wife, Penelope, with a weekend trip for her birthday.

“I’m so glad you decided to come and see me today,” Violet said, handing you a perfectly made fresh cup of tea. It was no surprise that she didn’t even need to ask how you took it. “I was just thinking about you this morning. Anthony had mentioned that you planned to spend the day together…”

You didn’t miss her subtle attempt at finding out why you weren’t currently with her son. You always had a sense that Violet was quietly rooting for the two of you to end up together. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that you were nothing more than friends.

“We rescheduled,” you smiled tightly, taking a sip from your tea.

Almost imperceptibly, her eyes narrowed, and then softened as she observed you. It was impossible to hide from her. “We… or he,” she asked knowingly.

“We both agreed hiking might be better on a day when it wasn’t pouring.” Her unspoken interrogation tactics sent you into an anxious babble. “I asked if he wanted to do something else, but he already had plans. It’s fine. I know he’s busy. He promised to set aside a day just for us.”

“Being busy doesn’t justify being inconsiderate, dear. His father and I taught him better than that,” she huffed in frustration. “I love my son, but you’re too easy on him.”

You felt yourself sink in your chair. “I don’t think I’m too easy on him. I just know how much he has on his plate. I’m trying to be con- …” You paused on the last word, realizing the trap she had expertly set for you.

“Considerate?” Violet smirked, finishing your sentence.

“Fair enough,” you conceded. “I brush it off just as much for my benefit as for his. It takes a lot of energy to be mad at him, and he’s a lot better at arguing than me. Besides, I know it is never his intention to hurt my feelings.”

Violet sighed, clearly weighing how to proceed. “Regardless of his intentions, however benign they might be, he still needs to know when something he’s done has hurt you. Aside from Benedict, you’re his best friend. If anyone has the privilege of being direct with him, it’s you. Anthony is brilliant in a lot of ways, but emotional intelligence is not his strong suit. He’ll gladly take the path of least resistance if you let him. As long as it is easier to disappoint you than someone else…” She held your gaze, making sure you were listening to her words. “Well, you’ll never be prioritized in the way you deserve if there isn’t a consequence for him to consider. I know he values you, but darling, occasionally you’ve got to make him work for it.”

His words from earlier in the day echoed in your mind. I knew you wouldn’t mind… so I made other plans. God, that was pathetic. She was right, he knew exactly how much he could get away with, and it was nobody’s fault but your own. Could he take his head out of his ass every once in a while and see below the surface - yes. Was it fair to expect him to read your mind - probably not.

“Make him work for it, huh?” You asked, a trace of a smile playing on your lips.

“Oh, absolutely. When have you ever known Anthony to shy away from a good challenge?” She patted your hand affectionately. “I think the person you need to worry about having a little more consideration for is yourself, y/n.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Your afternoon with Violet had given you a lot to think about. If you wanted things to change, you needed to do your part. It was going to take a lot of trial and error, and it was probably going to be messy and uncomfortable for a while, but he was worth it. Your relationship with him was worth it. You were worth it.

You wouldn’t lie, it scared you. But the idea of resenting him scared you even more. For years now, he has been the one solid presence in your life. He was fiercely protective, loving you in the ways that he knew how, showing you parts of himself that you suspected others were not privy to. That wasn’t something that you took lightly, and it wasn’t something you were willing to gamble with. If a potential fight with him now meant the possibility of having him close years from now… you’d risk it all.

It was well past dark now, the rain had resumed its onslaught, and you were huddled safely beneath the warmth of your favorite cashmere throw on the sofa. Book in hand, your eyes scanned the words on the page, begging them to take you somewhere else. In the end, your efforts were fruitless. After the third pass over the same sentence, you admitted defeat. Your mind refused to be dragged away from him. You were going to need assistance. Wine, you needed wine.

Reluctantly, you uncurled from your blanket and trudged off in the direction of the kitchen. You had just turned the corner down the hall when the buzzer at your front door sounded, freezing you in place. With the intensity that you were currently staring at said door, you would have thought you could see right through it.

A quick glance at your phone told you it was far too late for any rational person to come round.

Inching slowly towards the door, you jumped when the loud, incessant buzzer sounded again. Your heart thrummed in your chest. Anyone showing up at nearly midnight couldn’t be anything other than trouble.

You pressed your ear against the sturdy wood door, listening for any signs of distress or malintent. Silence, aside from the heavy beating of the rain.

“Who’s there?” you braved.

“Open up and find out,” replied a muffled voice, distorted by the thick wooden door separating you. You were kicking yourself for not heeding Anthony’s suggestion to install a peep hole. He could never know about this…

Leaving the chain latched, you cautiously cracked the door open just wide enough to peek out.

Standing there, sopping wet and shivering with the cold, was Anthony Bridgerton. His brilliant smile was only made more adorable by the chattering of his teeth. He held up a bag of Chinese take-away from your favorite local spot. No doubt an attempt to wiggle back into your good graces. Or maybe he just knew that the promise of food would at the very least grant him access over the threshold.

“Dumplings for my Dumplin’...” he beamed. When you made no move to unlatch the lock, his lip jutted out in a pout that he borrowed from his brother. “Oh, come on Sass. Let me in. You don’t want me to catch a chill, do you?”

Standing your ground, you schooled your features, hiding the slight lifting at the corners of your mouth. He only used that nickname when he was prepared to resort to Level 5 groveling. Sass, short for Sassy, previously known as Sassy Pants.

“You must really think I’m easy, huh? You thought I would just open wide at the sight of you holding wontons?” You heard the unintended innuendo the moment the words left your mouth. “What kind of girl do you take me for?”

The smirk he now wore was trouble personified. “You know you want it, Sass. I even got the special sauce you like. And if that’s not enough,” he paused, pulling something from behind his back. “I also brought wine.”

Now he was speaking your language. Without saying a word, you closed the door in his face and took your time unlatching the metal chain from its sheath. The look on his face was priceless when you reappeared a moment later. “For a second there I thought you might actually leave me out here.”

“Me too,” you admitted, only half joking. “But that’s a good bottle of wine.”

He followed you down the hall towards the living room to deposit your bribe on the coffee table. When you went to make your way to the kitchen he reached out to gently clutch your wrist, effectively halting your steps. “Ah, ah, ah,” he tutted. “You sit down and get comfy. I’ll grab us some plates.”

“Okay,” you shrugged, nuzzling back into your previously vacated spot on the sofa. “The wine glasses are…”

“I know where they are,” he grinned, draping your blanket over your lap. “Give me a second. I’ll be right back.”

He returned a moment later with his arms full, balancing the items with precision and grace. You always loved watching the way he moved. Every step was laced with purpose and intention. Every turn of his head, or flex of his fingers radiated capability. His shoulders were built to carry responsibility. His posture was centered and balanced. Poised to lead. It was comforting - the way he was just so… Anthony.

He took his place next to you on the sofa, pouring you a healthy glass of wine. “What are you doing here, Anthony?”

“Do I need a reason other than I wanted to see you…” he asked without meeting your eyes, piling food onto plates for the both of you.

Your mouth watered from the wafting scent of steamed dumplings being pushed into your lap as a hopeful distraction. He was clever to ply you with food and drink, but it wasn’t enough to nullify the suspicion building in your brain. “If it were six o’clock, then no, you wouldn’t need any other reason. But at midnight… I have a hard time believing you just couldn’t live without seeing me until morning. So how about we try this again. What are you doing here, Ant?”

He finally looked up from his food to face your questioning. “I had a shit day and I was feeling restless. I just needed to be somewhere…” he paused, an unsettling despondency creeping into the depths of his dark eyes. “... with someone that felt like home. I know I could have gone to Ben’s, but you were the one I really wanted. I miss you. We used to do this kind of thing all the time…”

A snarky response about canceled plans danced on the tip of your tongue but your irritation was quickly losing steam. Something about the slump of his shoulders and the set of his jaw made your eyes burn with unshed tears. Releasing the last remnants of bitterness, you plopped a dumpling into your mouth and lovingly chastised him. “You could have at least called instead of showing up like a crazy person in the middle of the night.”

“Why,” he grinned. “Did I scare you?”

“No.” you protested immediately.

Glossing over your false declaration, he teased, “You could have avoided the fear if you would have just let me install the security system I recommended.”

A change of subject was in order. “So, you had a rough day, huh?”

He shot you an incredulous look that told you he was well aware of your redirect but he relented nonetheless. If the size of his answering sigh was any correlation, it was a rough day indeed. “How much time do you have?”

“Apparently, all night,” you smirked before popping another dumpling in your mouth.

“Do you remember the Whitehall account I was telling you about?”

You sat back and let him get everything out. Most of the time very little participation was required of you in these types of conversations. He looked for your occasional affirmation or nod of agreement, but for the most part, he always worked it all out on his own. He just needed to process out loud to another person.

Over the next hour, the two of you polished off your midnight dinner and opened a second bottle of wine. It was a relief to just be in his presence. There was nothing to get between you. No distracting work calls or annoying girlfriends to pull at his attention. The sound of his laugh eased the ache in your chest. This was the day you had your heart set on. You didn’t need an activity or a fancy outing - just him.

When his eyes closed, head drooping to rest on the back of the sofa, you gathered your dinner plates and walked them into the kitchen. You’d wake him once you’d finished tidying and prepped the guest room for him to crash in for the night.

You were elbow deep in soapy water when you felt him come up behind you, reaching his arms around you to place your empty wine glasses in the sink. Instead of immediately moving away, he lingered, the heat from his body caressing down your spine. Pressing his chest to your back, his arms locked around your middle, squeezing you in a tight hug. You let your head fall back to rest on his shoulder.

“Thanks for tonight,” his voice was soft and low in your ear.

Not ready for the embrace to end, you brought one soapy hand to clutch his forearm that held tight to your waist. “I’m glad you came. Even if it was at an unreasonable hour.”

The breath from his laugh tickled your neck as he bent to bury his face in your shoulder. You weren’t complaining, but this was an unusually long hug. His nose nuzzled against you, and you melted into him.

“You smell nice,” he purred. His hands unlocked from around you and his fingers brushed along your waist, settling on your hips with a firm grip. “You feel nice too.”

Your body froze against his. What was happening? He’d never spoken to you like this before, let alone felt you up. His roaming hands were making it hard for you to think. The close proximity was covering you in a lusty fog, throwing your reasoning skills out the window. Your entire body was humming with excitement, begging that small part of your brain that still had questions to shut the hell up. This was Anthony… your best friend. Dangerous, this was dangerous. But on the other hand, this was Anthony… Gorgeous, sexy, tempting Anthony. The same Anthony that snuck into your dreams at night to unravel you - mind, body, and soul. This would literally be a fantasy.

“Anthony,” your voice was breathy and dazed. “What are you doing?”

“Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” his lips pressed into the skin at your jaw. “This feels so good. Do you want to feel good with me?”

His words dripped down your body like warm honey, collecting at the apex of your thighs. A surge of desire spread through you like a wildfire, sending your heartbeat into a crazed frenzy. Answering his question, you captured one of his hands, sliding it up your body to cup your breast. The warmth of his palm seeped through the thin fabric of the tank-top your wore sans bra. You were dressed for bed when he showed up on your doorstep, wearing little more than a camisole, drawstring pj shorts, and fuzzy socks.

There was a sudden intake of breath at your brazen form of consent. He held you securely, lightly squeezing to get a feel for the weight of you. Your nipples hardened at his touch, clearly visible beneath the pale pink cotton separating your skin from his.

Moving forward, he pressed into your body, pinning your hips between him and the cold marble countertop. You could feel him, firm and commanding, growing harder in his snug jeans. His mouth tasted every inch of your skin from your earlobe to shoulder as he drug the thin strap down your arm. His lips left a trail of electricity in their wake, each spot they touched creating a new pulse point beneath the surface.

Turning your face to him with a gentle pull, those devilish, hungry lips finally devoured yours. Of all the times you thought about kissing him, not one compared to the real thing. Your senses were bum-rushed, temporarily rendering you deaf, mute, and blind. But the taste of him… God! It enveloped you, forever altering your palate. Sweets would never be as sweet, and salt would lose its bite. Flavors you once craved would now always seem bland in comparison.

His tongue was strong and insistent, exploring your mouth with fervor, coaxing yours to play with him. The intensity of what was happening was starting to make you lightheaded. Only when he broke the kiss were you able to acknowledge the existence of anything outside of where your bodies touched.

Your lust-filled eyes watched as your top was pulled down, exposing your breasts to his onslaught. The look he gave you was deadly as he cupped you tightly and bent his head to suck your puckered nipple into his mouth. The wet heat of his tongue swirling around had you shivering in his arms. You could feel your legs go slack, his body now keeping you from slumping to the floor.

His free hand ventured to the knot in the drawstring of your shorts, expertly untangling the silk bow. He had always been good at multitasking and this was no exception.

Very slowly, his fingers pushed past the elastic band resting against your tummy, and went in search of the welcoming slit between your legs. His fingernails scraped across your skin as they traveled through your pubic hair, finally gliding inside to find you dripping with desire. The unhurried, languorous strokes liquified your bones. You were about to cross the point of no return. Soon, you would lose all sense of reason. You had to decide now. Were you really going to fuck your bestfriend? Your body screamed a resounding “Hell yes,” but your heart was waving frantically for your attention.

You needed to know what this meant before anything else happened. You needed to know if this was real. You knew yourself well enough to know that you wouldn’t be able to walk away from something this monumental unchanged. After all this time, why now?

“Anthony, wait…” His hand stilled but he didn’t remove it. “I need to ask you something.”

“Mmm, what’s that,” he hummed, still nibbling along the cord of your neck.

You almost stopped yourself from asking because you were afraid of the answer, but you needed to know. “Who were you with tonight before you came here?”

Every inch of him went rigid. He pulled his hand from your shorts and splayed it across your abdomen in a steadying gesture. “Y/n…” he whispered, almost begging you not to make him say it. He knew you wouldn’t like the answer.

“Were you with her?” You had to gather the courage to say her name. “Siena?”

His silence was deafening. His voice startled you when he finally spoke. “It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter. You’re the one I want to be with right now.”

Right now… That was where your fear lived. Was this just a pleasant distraction for him? Something to get lost in for a few hours before running back to her. Your heart was already breaking.

Gently, you stepped out of his reach and adjusted your clothes so that you were fully covered. Without a drop of anger, you said, “We can’t, Anthony. I can’t…”

The look of pure devastation that darkened his face almost sent you straight back into his arms. “Did I misread? That kiss… that was… it felt like you wanted this too. Is it me? Have I done something wrong?”

You were reaching out for him before you even registered that your feet were moving. “Anthony, no. Of course not. I do want this, and that’s the problem. If I’m being honest with myself, I think I’ve wanted this for a long time. I want it. I want you. Just not like this…”

“I don’t understand,” his brow was creased with worry.

Violet’s words from earlier that day were echoing in your mind. She was right. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. You had already decided that your relationship with Anthony was worth the risk of upsetting the balance a little. This was a prime example of that. Twenty-four hours ago, you wouldn’t have stopped him. You would have convinced yourself that this was what he needed, and you would deal with your own repercussions later. But now…

“I’m afraid,” you confessed.

Panic flashed over his face. “Of me?”

“If we sleep together, I’m going to love you.” You met his troubled gaze. “And I can’t afford to love you if this isn’t real.”

“You don’t believe this is real for me?” Hurt… he was hurt.

“I think part of it is real,” you blinked back your tears. “But can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that some part of this wasn’t because she hurt you tonight?”

“It’s over between us. We’re finished. There is nothing left worth turning back to. And when I finally realized that, I saw things with more clarity. You…us… it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

You could feel the adrenaline coursing through you. He was saying things that you always wanted to hear, but was it enough? “Will you still feel this way a month from now? Because I will…”

He stepped closer, taking both of your hands in his. “Yes, I think I will.”

“I need you to know, Ant. I need you to be certain. You’re too important to me to risk crossing that line for a maybe. And I don’t want our beginning to be built on someone else’s ruins.”

A single, silent tear dripped down your cheek. This was a lot harder than you thought it was going to be.

He pulled you in, crushing you against his chest. “I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry. You mean everything to me. Please don’t hate me for this.”

Wrapping your arms around him, you allowed yourself a moment of indulgence. His warmth and familiarity were soothing, and the faint scent of amber that lingered on his clothes from his cologne brought you to a place of safety. You committed it all to memory, storing the moment in your heart, just in case this was the last time…

Reluctantly, you removed yourself. You needed distance for what came next. “Anthony, I don’t hate you. I’m not sure I could ever hate you. But…”

The words were stuck in your throat as you bargained with yourself not to cry.

“Say it,” he begged. “Please, just say it. I can’t take the silence.”

“Sometimes I feel like an afterthought, and that, I do hate. It hurts, Anthony. I think of you constantly. About what you need, about how you feel. I know you care for me. I know that… but sometimes this friendship is unbalanced. That’s partially my fault. I never told you what I needed. I never asked for more. So, this is me asking.”

“I - I didn’t realize… What can I do? Tell me how to fix this,” he implored.

“Consider me,” you poured out. “Prioritize me on occasion. See beyond yourself to the person standing in front of you. Did you even think about what something this huge would mean for me in our relationship? Did you think about tomorrow? Did you weigh my risks when you weighed yours? You and me… it’s one of the only good things I have, so I have to protect it. I know it’s different for you, and that’s okay. I just… I just need you to think of me, because it’s hard for me to think of myself.”

Determination transformed his posture. “I can do that. I promise to take my head out of my ass if you promise to keep being honest with me. You’re a better liar than you think, Sass.” His thumb swiped across your cheek, wiping away a tear. “Maybe this makes me an idiot, but I was completely in the dark that you were feeling any of this. You’re always so strong and unbothered. So easy… but I should have known better. I could have looked harder. Just know, it was never because I didn’t care. I trust you implicitly, so when you tell me you’re fine, I take you at your word. I never want you to think that I find it easy to set you aside. I took you for granted, and that hurt you. I’m sorry - truly. It was never my intention.”

You smiled up at him, exhaustion suddenly soaking through to settle in your bones. “I know, Anthony. I know.”

His remorseful expression was laced with pain and sadness. “Do you want to know what hurts me in all of this?”

The thought of being the one to cause him pain was like a punch to the gut, but the two of you had decided on honesty, and it was only fair that he should be able to speak freely. You gave him a silent nod and braced yourself. “It hurts to know how much of yourself you hid from me. It hurts to know that there is at least a small part of you that doesn’t trust me enough to let me see those pieces. Like you’re just waiting for me to let you down and prove yourself right. If you want me to see you, really see you, you have to give me a fighting chance. You have to let me look.”

True terror took hold of you at his words. “And if you don’t like what you see?”

“Then we face our demons together. You show me yours and I’ll show you mine. We trust each other. We make each other better. I’m not going anywhere. Are you?”

“No,” you assured him. “I’m not going anywhere either.”

“That’s a relief,” he laughed, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

“So, what now…” you asked nervously. This was new ground and your legs were still shaky.

“Now - now I go home. It’s late. We’re both exhausted. This was a lot, but I don’t regret it. None of it. Do you?”

“No,” you whispered. “I’m still a little shaken, and definitely… stimulated, but no. No regrets.”

“Stimulated, huh?” He smirked, quickening your heart rate with a single look. “Are you sure you don’t wan-”

“Anthony…” you cut him off.

“I know, I know. Not like this. I can respect that… even though it’s killing me not to touch you right now.”

“Yeah, it’s going to be a long night,” you agreed.

You walked him to the front door so that you could lock up behind him. He watched you with amusement while you unlatched the chain and twisted the bolts keeping the dangers of the outside world at bay. “You really should let me install that security system.”

“Goodnight, Anthony,” you offered him a resigned sigh.

He turned to you from the small porch outside your door. He was lingering, but you didn’t mind. You could feel the words building in him, gathering courage and composure. “Can I see you tomorrow,” he asked, the fear of rejection hovering over him.

“I’d like that.” It would be so easy to invite him back inside and let goodnight turn into good morning, but you only possessed so much self control. “Call me… AFTER 10AM, please. Someone rudely kept me up half the night.”

“What an inconsiderate prick,” he scowled playfully.

Your laughter was cut short when he took a very intentional step into your space. Slowly, as not to spook you, he lifted a hand to the side of your face, sliding his fingers into your hair to hold you by the neck. His eyes bore into yours, perfectly conveying the need that was now burning in his chest. Your tongue reflexively ran over your lips, wetting them in preparation. You didn’t step away. You didn’t break his stare. One more kiss wouldn’t make a difference, right?

He was gentle this time, tentative even. But when that familiar taste washed over your tongue, you opened your mouth for him, welcoming the invasion. You fought the urge to wrap yourself around him and drag him to the ground right then and there.

When he finally pulled away, you were both panting and out of breath. “Sass…” the low vibration of his voice snaked its way down your body, curling deliciously deep in your stomach. “Tomorrow… A month from now… It doesn’t matter. How I feel isn’t going to change. I know you need more than words. Promise me that you’ll let me prove it to you.”

“I’ll try.” It was all you had to give right now.

“Me too.” And then he was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sleep was a stranger to you for most of the night. Competing images clamored through your brain for hours after he left. The feel and the taste of him. The pain and confusion behind his eyes. Your own fear threatened to rise up and wash you out to sea.

The relentless tossing and turning only served to deepen your exhaustion. Eventually, you accepted your fate and dragged yourself from bed and went in search of coffee.

The rain still refused to ease, casting a dreary grey over everything. The idea of sitting alone, pathetically waiting by the phone for Anthony was unbearable. This new state of limbo that you found yourself in was the most unsettled you had ever been. You were standing on a terrifying precipice. No matter what happened, your life was going to drastically change. Too much was said for things to stay the same. You would either move forward, together, or, you would go separate ways.

Not knowing was a special kind of torture. Even the worst case scenario outcome would come as a relief. At least then the waiting would be over.

You had to chastise yourself for the better part of the morning. Old habits really did die hard. You tried, because you promised him that you would. You tried to stop anticipating the dreaded other shoe. You tried to not assume that he had spent the whole night thinking about what a colossal mistake he was making with you. You tried to believe that he would prove it.

Consumed by your internal battle, you almost didn’t hear your phone buzzing.

It was Anthony - one minute past ten.

He sounded relieved to hear your hello. “You answered,” he sighed.

“You called,” was your reply.

“I was up all night,” his sleepy voice confessed.

“Yeah, me too.”

A long, pregnant pause filled the space between you.

“Day number one, Sass. I haven’t changed my mind. Are you ready to let me start proving it to you?”

This was it, the moment you had been begging for all morning. The moment that ended the waiting.

“I’ll try,” you promised with a smile bright in your voice.

________________________________________

@faye-tale @eleanor-bradstreet @musicismyoxygen84 @bridgertontess @heeyyyou @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @queen-of-the-misfit-toys

#Anthony Bridgerton Fanfiction #Anthony Bridgerton and Reader #Anthony Bridgerton and You #Bridgerton Modern AU #Anthony Bridgerton x Reader #Anthony Bridgerton x You

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emotionalcraney · 4 months

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The Weight Of The World

F!Donatello x gn! reader

Word Count - 2K

Genre - mostly fluff, angst to comfort, established relationship (friendship)

Warnings - Anxiety attack??? (please let me know how to categorize this properly)

Summary - The Apocalypse was finally staring to weigh on you, and when everything gets to much, he’s there to comfort you.

A/N - First post on this blog! Please enjoy what I came up with in the shower.

It was too much.

All your choices had led you here.

You must be living in the bad timeline.

It all essentially came crushing down after Raph died. The reality had finally kicked in. You had met the turtles only a few years ago, and you never imagined that all your silly adventures would result to this. It all happened too fast.

Now, here you were.

Trying to somehow live; knowing that one of your friends was gone forever. All the regrets, dreams and actual events replayed on your mind, all of them loud and overlapping. One after another, shouting. Getting louder. And louder. And louder. An-

You heard something break.

The mug you’d grabbed earlier had slipped out of your hands.

“Oh.”

When did you even grab that mug? How much time had passed since you had gotten up? Where even where you? What were you doing?

You looked at your hand. It was shaking violently. Then, you looked at your surroundings. You were in the base’s cafeteria? At least that made some sort of sense.

But.

The place was empty.

Well, all except for Leo. One of the only people you didn’t want to see you like this.

Leo just stared right back at you. He was mostly confused, but he also had that face that meant you were in trouble.

“What are you doing?” He asked blatantly.

You just stared back.

“You shouldn’t be up. You have shift tomorrow,” He said with a strict tone.

“I do?” You asked in sincerity.

“Why are you here?”

“I… I don’t really know.”

He looked into your eyes for a few seconds and sighed. He sounded so tired all the time, but this time, you felt that tiredness slip through his mask more.

“Why is it always you and Donnie?” He said with a tired look in his eyes.

He then got up from his seat and went towards you. Without another word exchanged, he grabbed you by your waist and put you over his shoulder.

Usually, he did this when you overworked yourself. Whenever someone would overwhelm themselves, he would put them in a special room to make people relax and let them rest. The most frequent users of that room were, Donnie, followed by you, followed by Mikey.

The only person who would never use it was Leo.

Usually, you would try to fight against his efforts and tell him you were fine. That you needed to get back to work and that it was imperative to keep doing something.

But today, you just sat there. Limp.

A part of you knew that you needed to rest in order to do anything that was actually productive.

Leo had seen all types of reactions when he dragged people to the resting room, as he liked to call it. Screaming, crying, full-on panic, and even defeat, just like you were doing now.

He knew why you were acting so different now. He felt the same, and he was glad that in a way you were letting yourself be helped.

After walking for quite a bit, you guys finally reached the resting room. He dropped you off in the room and quickly left, due to his own tiredness.

It was strange. The whole time you were being taken to this room, it felt as if you were watching all the events in a bird’s-eye-view. It felt like an out of body experience. And you were still in trace, too focused to notice who was to the bed next to you.

“What are you in for?”

Confused by the new voice, you looked around and met eyes with none other than Donnie.

“Huh?”

“What are you in for?” He said more slowly, figuring you were still processing his sentence.

“Oh. I think I broke again.”

“Oh? What happened this time?”

You and Donnie would have a similar conversation to this almost every other week. It wasn’t out of the blue at all.

“I don’t even know.” You said sincerely.

“Well, that’s probably why Leo sent you over here.”

“Yeah. This actually might be the first time I’m glad he did.”

Donnie gave you a confused look. Almost everyone on base agreed that if you were sent to the resting room, it was a punishment. Even after how much Leo preached about how it was for everyone’s own good.

Donnie and you were the main people promoting the resting room as a punishment, so hearing you say that you were okay being sent here set off a flag or two in his brain.

“What did you do?”

“Oh, nothing! Why are you in?” You asked, trying to ignore what was making you so overwhelmed.

You liked talking to Donnie. His ramblings were fun to follow as well as see. His passion was clear every time he went into lecture mode. So, since you were given the opportunity, you wanted to unwind by listening to Donnie.

Donnie didn’t want to switch topics, but he wanted to respect your boundaries. He also wasn’t sure you were okay enough to process what had made Leo send you here.

“Well, I’ve been working on something new to help us win this war. This time, it will be different. Leo just doesn’t get it, and since I’ve been working nonstop this week, he sent back to time out.”

“Sounds like Leo.” You said, letting out a small smile.

Seeing you smile made Donnie feel a bit more relieved and he also smiled.

After a moment or two of silence, you realized you were sleepy.

“Hey, you know what, I think I’m gonna lay down on the extra beds.”

“Go right ahead. I drank enough coffee to finish my newest project and now I have to deal with the consequences.”

“Okay, good night, Don! ”

“Night.”

He chuckled to himself. Even when you were obviously not feeling well, you had enough energy to be cheery and positive. He had no idea how you did it.

When you got yourself comfortable in that bed, you went out like a light. You clearly had no idea how much your body needed to just rest uninterrupted. That was a bad habit you had picked up in the years: You always burned yourself out to the point of complete exhaustion.

But of course, your body couldn’t actually let you rest.

Even when you were asleep, your body had to haunt you with dreams of the past and nightmares about the possible future. The bad times where exaggerated, the future what if’s were exaggerated, even the good times where exaggerated to look bad.

It was a mess of an abridged version of your life, They were parts of your life sloppily meshed together to show all the cons of your life. How your life was actually terrible and you were living in a nightmare. How you weren’t strong enough to deal with it, let alone save the ones you loved. How it was your fault for not being there since the beginning.

You fussed around the bed uncontrollably, unable to wake up and get out from the nightmares. They got worse and worse each time.

Until eventually you woke up in a cold sweat.

You were breathing heavily and gripping the bedsheets so tight your fingers hurt from the force you were using.

Alarmed by all the fussing to eventual heavy breathing, Donnie came to check on you.

“Hey! What happened? Are you okay?”

You were unable to respond to him as more thoughts and voices filled your brain. All you could do was stare down and try to take deep breaths, but your attempts were frail. You curled into a ball hoping everything could stop. All the voices. All the memories. All the thoughts.

Donnie slowly moved towards you and wondered what he was supposed to do. He had never seen you so distraught. It was disheartening to him. It seemed impossible. How can someone so positive and cheery be so torn down? Well, the apocalypse had really done a number on a lot of people. It didn’t seem that impossible anymore.

Still he had no idea how to comfort you, so following his own understanding of comfort, he tried saying a couple of things.

“Uh, do you want to talk about it?”

At his words, you looked towards him and tried to speak. You tried to say you were okay, that you didn’t need help. But, your throat was dry and no words could come out.

He noticed this, and tried to think of a way to help you. He was probably the last person anyone would think of to comfort them. Not good with feelings and emotions, let alone empathy.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I don’t know what’s wrong, but, let your feelings out. It’s healthier to feel what you feel rather than bottle up your emotions.” As he was saying this, he tried to keep eye contact with you and show interest in you.

You kept staring at him, but now you felt some sort of relief. The fact that Donnie was going so far out of his comfort zone in order to try and help you made you internally smile.

Unsure of what else to do, he gently patted your back twice.

“Do you, uh need anything?” He was running out of ideas of what else to do, so he decided to ask you directly in hopes that you would direct him.

Once again, you opened your mouth to speak and say that you needed nothing else, but your vocal cords did not cooperate. You wanted to tell him that he’d done enough, and that you were thankful for it. He had already gone so very out of his comfort zone just for you.

But you just kept crying and making unusual sounds in an attempt to speak.

Donnie was startled by your behavior and in an act of desperation, he wrapped his arms around you.

That was the goal, but your position limited his attempt to comfort you.

Nonetheless, it did it’s job.

It comforted your inconsolable state and let you be close to someone you loved. And in his end, Donnie felt good being able to help you feel more calm. That’s why he always wore himself out: So he could help those he deeply cared about.

Now it was him who couldn’t speak.

It was not so often that Donnie was left speechless or without something to say, but after he’d said everything he knew to comfort you, he couldn’t find anything else to say. This was one of a small percentage of times he would initiate physical contact with anyone, and it just meant that he trusted you.

And that it was okay.

You felt safe in his arms.

Your crying had finally slowed down.

And so, feeling relaxed, you let you weigh fall into his arms.

He was scared at first, he thought you’d passed out when he felt you go limp. But, he soon realized that you felt safe around him and you wanted him to know that.

So, in turn, he sat down on the bed with you and held you closer.

For a while, it was just him and you. Holding on to each other as if the world was ending. Which to be fair, it was. But that’s not why you were there together. It was because you both cared.

“…thank..you…” You were finally able to respond.

“No problem,” He quickly responded back.

Another few minutes of silence and just hugging passed between you and him.

“Would you, like me to do anything else to comfort you?” He asked, trying to sound confident, but clearly with a shy hidden tone.

“..just…stay..please,” was all you were able to mutter back.

“Of course.” He said, content with how the night had led him.

You were finally able to rest for a full night.

And the next morning, you were met with quite the surprise: Donnie, belly down, laying perfectly still on top of you.

He was heavy, but it wasn’t a suffocating weight. Rather a weight that made you feel grounded and secure. It was like every moment you had with him, you never wanted it to end.

Because it made you forget the kind of world that was waiting right outside your doors.

#donatello #donatello hamato #rottmnt #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise donatello #my fic #writing #my writing #fluff #angst to comfort #light angst

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fullscoreshenanigans · 1 year

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I’m never going to be over Ray and Emma both having visions of Norman when they both desperately needed the comfort of his presence.

I could have gone with manga panels for both of these for uniformity, but yet again CloverWorks takes advantage of the medium shift to add such beautiful nuance to (hallucination!)Norman and Ray’s exchange in the S1 finale—Norman speaking to Ray so, so gently in both the English and Japanese dubs with his final remark featured here, Ray being so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in the past hour already and now topped with seeing one of the two people who was most important to him reappear, after he thought he’d never see him again, that he nearly cries at his words. I can’t express how much I adore the way they handled this scene.

By turning out to be a hallucination/dream as opposed to a ghost, we’re shown Norman’s departed spirit isn’t actually guiding them as its own independent entity with an agenda in another incorporeal form, but instead how they both internalized his character and personality and, most importantly, how they wished to see him again that manifested his appearance (see this post for further differences between their perspectives of him on this particular night).

Ray has spent over half of his life utterly loathing himself for the choices he made in order to save Emma and Norman. So much so he built up a bravado around the act of his self-immolation for years, resulting in the manic fervor he displays when giving his speech to Emma in the few minutes before the clock strikes midnight on his officially listed birthday (this is also fueled by his fraught relationship with Isabella, but that’s for other posts). He not only believes he deserves to die for his actions and perceived inaction, but that he should do so in a violent, agonizing way.

Ray knows Norman, knows his sense of rigid morality well enough to account for him discovering his alliance with Isabella and using that to his advantage, to further push Norman away so he’ll be more comfortable with using him (he even chides Norman for not keeping his original plan to do this a secret) and so his death will hurt him and Emma less. And for roughly the entire back half of October 2045, Norman did genuinely hate Ray for his betrayal in the same way he hated Isabella, his reaction so visceral at being deceived and hurt by people he had loved all his life. He would have been willing to sacrifice Ray if not for intervention from Emma, which opened him up to directly confronting Ray and, in turn, led him to discover Ray’s true motives. He was so humbled and taken aback by the depths of Ray’s love and loyalty he returned to his original categorization of him: a dear friend who needed to be saved from his intended fate in their cruel world. Even if saving him came at the cost of his own life; even if he desperately wanted to live.

One could argue Ray hallucinating Norman up on the wall was to assuage his own guilt at being unable to save him as he originally planned (something that, on his darker days, I think Ray himself would believe), but I prefer to view it as the final marker of his truly internalizing one of the deepest desires in his heart that he had locked away for so long. After living under that oppressive reality of dehumanization and exploitation and believing that there was nothing else for him, that this was all there was, that things would never get better and after everything he did up to that point, he didn’t deserve better, on top of Isabella throwing him completely off balance by shipping Norman out early and just being this incredibly conflicting and painful presence in his life, to have his siblings come together for this escape plan and without putting it explicitly in words convey “you’re worth saving, Ray, and we love you,” and that they gave him hope back

(Chapter 36)

it fucks me up something fierce.

Emma’s hallucination of Norman is much more brief during this time.

No words are exchanged, but none are necessary.

(Chapter 31)

After two and a half months of grappling with the real, palpable grief she felt at his death, seeing him around every corner and hearing his voice, and sublimating it into her efforts to ensure the success of the escape, she’s able to find solace in her vision of him before the wall.

(Chapter 119)

It’s why she sheds no tears for him until their reunion nearly two years later.

(TPN Light Novel 1: A Letter from Norman - “The Day Emma Cried”; translated by @1000sunnygo)

But up until that point, she repeatedly draws strength and comfort from his memory.

Even before chapter 93, she’s unconsciously reaching for him in her fevered dreams.

(Chapter 45 Side Scene)

Him and Isabella, predominantly in black due to her belief they’re dead, and Ray and the rest of the escapees who she hopes are still alive, predominately in white.

(Chapter 50)

Though she had to compromise on their original plan by only bringing along those over five at its outset, she’s committed to their end goal. She was the spark that pushed them to strive for the ideal outcome instead of settling for the safest one that would be tinged in regrets, and he gave up everything to facilitate it.

(Chapter 53)

The three-panel overview of her thought process ends on her final handshake with Norman. It’s painful enough for this man to be insulting her living family, but when her thoughts drift to the boy who had given his life so they would have a chance to live freely, who came to believe in all those things the man was disparaging, it’s the final straw that breaks her silence. She won’t stand and let her family be disregarded so casually or let Norman’s memory be desecrated like that.

(Chapter 64)

She eventually brings him up to Yuugo in an attempt to connect with him over lost friends, and her framing of it is interesting because while viewing Norman as having agency in making his choice (as much as they can have under the circumstances in that he went willingly, which isn’t much, but from her perspective as a traumatized child), she states simply that she let him go. (Shoutout to the way SKATES delivers said line in the manga dub. Wonderfully heartbreaking. </3)

(Chapter 30)

After she and Ray both knew how much he wanted to see the world beyond their walled existence and live on with them.

So when we get to chapter 93 where she’s on the brink of death, having visions of all the suffering experienced on the grounds of Goldy Pond before finding refuge and strength in visions of her family, the one who catches he when she begins to sink is Norman.

Unlike with the hallucinations at the end of the escape arc that were meant to obfuscate his fate, at this point we as an audience know he’s alive at Lambda, so this is all coming from the perception of Norman Emma holds deep within her heart. Even from beyond, even if it meant being separated from her longer, she sees him guiding her out of the unknown, murky depths so she can continue fighting to actualize their plan. (To say nothing of the way she imagines him delicately intertwining their fingers upon reaching her as the way he catches her. The association with safety and gentleness is always present and yet another valued refuge in light of the violence she’s in the middle of.)

Minor tangent to end on, but it’s interesting to me how when Emma brings up Norman’s name among people she misses, during the only time they privately mention him, Ray takes a beat to gather himself before focusing on what’s still obtainable in this life.

(Chapter 55)

There’s zero chance she blames him for Norman’s shipment, but he’s still not ready to look her in the eye and delve into it where they could potentially draw attention from others when he considers it a failure to his two most precious people after years of meticulous planning.

(Chapter 65)

But Norman’s still in his thoughts too as he adamantly refuses to fail Emma again.

(Chapter 93)

Though he comes very close.

(Chapter 123)

And he’s the one to remind Emma of how special their bond is when she’s having doubts about voicing her disagreement with Norman’s plan.

#The Promised Neverland #Yakusoku no Neverland #TPN #Full Score Trio #TPN Emma #TPN Norman #TPN Ray #Norrayemma #Noremray #Norray #Noremma #Emma #Norman #Ray #TPN S1 #Goldy Pond Battle Arc #TPN 093 #Long Post #FSS Chatter #Escape Arc #TPN S1e11 #TPN S1e12 #Shirai can i give you $100 for a bonus scene of these two talking about how they both had visions of him #at some point during their search for the Seven Walls i refuse to believe it didn't happen B L S #also huh @ how the the two times the NE handshake is redrawn instead of copypasta'd like in Ch64 #Demizu making the correction of him going for a two-handed one if he's not holding his suitcase #reason no.55 they truncated S2: they knew people would've lost their shit at the NE dream sequence #thinking of all the little nuances they could've added to it in the way their eyes shown or their minute movements #with the ethereal and fantastical whimsy afforded by it being a dream and the gorgeous Obata track that would've accompanied it #they knew the world was not ready

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cannoli-reader · 3 months

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That stuff in your post on how Egwene should have ended was really harsh on Moiraine! She had no choice, there were only bad options if she didn't do what she did.

Who says? The lady who tells us that the Aiel and Mat & Perrin are not in the Prophecies of the Dragon, who said that women were just as strong in the Power as men, and that the Heroes of the Horn will fight for the Shadow if the wrong person blows it?

Moriaine is not infallible, and this, in particular, is a place where the story itself introduces beforehand, reasons to doubt her assertions. Jordan does this a lot, throwing in the counter-argument before the argument is made.

When Moiraine first went into Rhuidean, we got warnings that the alternative scenarios disappear from your memory, that your mind can't retain it all. She was also told about the dangers of making assumptions about prophecies. The Wise Ones tell her that in every dream they had of her coming to the Three Fold Land, she insisted on going to Rhuidean, only for in reality, Melaine to let it slip that they dreamed Moiraine needs to go through the rings.

What we can take away from this is, is that merely by knowing the future, you alter how it plays out. This happens with Moiraine. She claims that they would inevitably end up on the docks, confronting an enraged Lanfear, but how or why would that have played out? Rand had no intention of going anywhere near the docks. He was going straight to the mustering ground to Skim to Caemlyn. There might have been a delay for the Maidens' intervention, but after being stalled to deal with Sulin's complaints, Rand would have had even less patience for potential delays. The only reason he goes anywhere near Lanfear is that Moiraine insisted he come and everyone around Rand supported her for various reasons of their own. There is also the possibility that seeing Rand & Aviendha in close proximity put their relationship foremost in Kadere's mind, and led to him telling Lanfear about them hooking up. Maybe if he had not seen them, and got confirmation in his own mind, he might not have bothered reporting that tidbit to her, and she might not have flipped her shit.

But even if she does get the word from Kadere, and go psycho looking to kill Aviendha, what good is that going to do her, if Moiraine does not drag Rand & Aviendha down to the docks to set up her "rescue"? Maybe if she comes after them, she pops in in the middle of the battle around the Royal Palace in Caemlyn, and Rahvin kills her, thinking she's after him. Or she takes a random kill shot which are prone to happen in the chaos of a full scale battle. And Moiraine does not get the credit, and keeps sliding down in importance as a mere lackey of Rand, and eventually completely overshadowed when Cadsuane arrives.

A bad faith interpretation of her character might suggest that the timelines branching from the docks were Moiraine's preference, having seen that fate and diminishment, and choosing to set up the dock fight to thwart her own irrelevance. But even putting the best possible intentions on Moiraine, she overlooked the fact that she forgot 99% of what she saw in the rings, and is misinterpreting a warning that going down to the docks has only bad outcomes, except along a very narrow path, requiring a lot of good luck to achieve.

For comparison, look at all the stuff Aviendha gives no indication of remembering from her own spin through the rings:

Rand's revelations about the Aiel backstory

Opening Rhuidean

The battle at Cairhien

Fighting Trollocs in Caemlyn

An encounter with a village of Aes Sedai who want to recruit her

A near-encounter with a Forsaken fleeing Ebou Dar

The Bowl of the Winds

The Seanchan (either encounter)

The destruction of Elayne's gateway

The siege of Caemlyn

All we know she saw was a version of her sexual encounter with Rand that seems to have made her think he was going to rape her, and that there would be a relationship with them and other women.

Absolutely nothing we know about the rings in Rhuidean support Moiraine's assertion that the encounter at the docks was inevitable once they were told of Morgase's death, and there were only three possible outcomes of the confrontation.

#wheel of time #moiraine #propechies

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blueberrypancakesworld · 10 months

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The lost boys ~ Yandere Headcanon ~

warning : +18 minors don't interact, dark themes, blood, yandere behaviour, no use of Y/n

masterlist

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David: Ever since he saw you alone that night and only you at the fair, he wanted you. It didn't matter whether you wanted him or not in the end. There was only you and not like with Star, you belonged only to him. None of the other boys were allowed to drink from you or touch you. You hung out with them but Davis' hand was always on your body, whether it was your hip, hand or right around your neck. His greater pleasure would be to see how quickly you would give in under him. Because he kept his control over everything, even with you. If you were to put up a fight against him, he would even try to kill you. The longer it lasts the more he wants to break you and make you his own bride. But his fun would be to play with you physically and torture you, knowing that he can bind you to him with a relationship. He would simply force you to drink his blood, hypnotise you and from then on you had no choice. Even if he wasn't always there, you would have to be there for him all the time. ,,I have a little surprise for you, my love," he crooned and laughed as he led you into the room where your family was. Knowing that you suppressed your hunger, knowing that you didn't want to kill anyone. His hand slid to your jaw and gripped it tighter, forcing you to look at him. He saw the change in your eyes as you smelled the irresistible blood. ,,N-no" he heard your words that he didn't want to hear and yet he knew that he could continue to play with you. Pulling you closer to him, anger flashed briefly in his bright eyes before he regained his composure and took your face between his hands. ,,You disappoint me...you will do it anyway," he murmured before his eyes changed and he forced his will on you again. Before he released you and watched with a look of pleasure as you cut your family in two and fed the blood to you like a wild animal. ,,My beautiful bride" he crooned as he walked over to you and brushed a strand of bloody hair from your face. Before pulling you into a bloody kiss. He was sure you would learn your place one day.

Dwayne : That night in Santa Carla when you were just driving along the streets you didn't notice the motorcyclist. But you caught his eye in that brief moment when he saw you. And he had never felt a greater desire and attraction for anything else than for you. He wanted you. But he would initially take much more pleasure in just watching you, being a second shadow to you. Slowly finding out all the things you like and don't like. What you spend your time on and what you don't. He would remember all that before he just brings you into the cave and puts you in his nest/room. Which he would decorate and furnish like you do your room. He would know everything about you and shower you with your favourite things. He would give you everything so that you would love him, even if you already did in his head, you would just have to accept all this. He wanted to create a second home for you, him and the children. The one thing that made him more than hungry was the image of you with a round belly in which his children were. What the others dismiss as a half joke becomes reality when he pierces each of the others with his gaze and gets angry when they come too close to you. His perfect wife chained to the bed, belonging to him alone, when you are about to ovulate. He would get you pregnant before turning you but that would be the last resort. He would rather have to hypnotise you than force his blood on you. ,,You're going to love your new life, my heart," he purred as he joined you on the large bed, the chain on your ankle rustling as he pulled you to him with a simple jerk. His fingers gently ran over your body and he could feel your heartbeat a delicious mixture of fear fascination and excitement. Before he calmed you down with a kiss as he forced his will on you and you finally gave yourself to him, suddenly more than willing to have his children.

Paul: The blonde would meet you on a trip to the funfair, which was actually decided by David that you would be the new victim was more for Paul. Diverting the others to a group of poor surfers, he immediately threw himself at you. What was covered under a friendly funny facade hid his devotion and lust for you. What he would do slowly over a period of time he would sneak into your life. Your friends would suddenly disappear one after the other and little by little you would find yourself in his arms more and more. He would take care of you with his funny way of cheering you up and making you depend on him more and more. Any doubts will disappear when he puts on his doggy eyes and moves towards you almost submissively. When you take him into your arms and look after him with care. When there is only him for you and he brings you into the den, introduces you to the others and almost wants you all to get along. But Paul will always be with you and you won't even notice how dependent you are becoming on him. When he lies down with you at night and he has you so far, you won't be afraid when he comes closer to you. You take care of him and he is loved by you. Gives you the feeling that you could leave at any time. But you would not escape him. ,,Bunny, where are you going?" Paul mumbled as his hands wrapped around her body from behind and pulled her close. He knew you wanted to get out, the sun would be up soon and he wouldn't be able to catch you. Running his hands over you, he felt where the metal of the shackles had slightly bruised your skin the last time you tried to escape. Up your body to your hair which he pushed aside to kiss your neck as he slowly took you back to his room. You would never see the sun again, he would make sure of that.

Marko : You are his obsession, his heart, his doll that belongs to him. Over which he can command. You just have to love him, fear him and melt into his world of madness. You were with a group of beach goers who just wanted to have a good time. When the lost boys came upon you and Marko's gaze was on you. You were covered in fear and panic, the blood of your friends triggered something in him. You looked beautiful and his hunger grew. When he came closer you jerked back and begged him to stop. He just pulled you to the ground and sank his teeth into your neck. Since then he had simply taken you and released you hundreds of times. He loved to chase you through the night, like David, to see how long you would last before you collapsed. Resigning yourself to your new fate and embracing his madness. That just like him only the smell of blood brought out the lust in you. But the others also had fun watching Marko torturing his heart and yet loving it at the same time when he had his soft moments. Whereby the gentle moments referred to the fact that he tortured you together with the others and wanted to see how far you could resist his restraints. But he wouldn't hypnotise you for that, he loved your pleading to finally kill or hyonotise you. No, he wanted you to remember everything, to know all the time what they all are and to live with it. In spite of everything you end up back in hell in the arms of Marko who drinks your blood and tortures you all the time so that he turns you. ,,My sweet blood bag" he purred as he flew after her through the night, her running away from him. Even though they both knew he would catch her soon, that spark of hope he loved to destroy every time. The night became even more horror for you, but Marko had his fun. Especially when he bit his hand and brought you down with a well-aimed push. Despite your rustiness and the lightness of his demeanour, Marko wasted no time in pouring his blood into your mouth. ,,You will finally understand, my sweet" you heard him chuckle and knew that the madness that had captured him would also get you.

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ivy-loves-chocolate · 1 year

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Hello! can i have yandere wesker headcanon? from the Code Veronica version. His s/o always tries to avoid it at all costs.

Hii anon, of course!

I hope you like it.

As usual, for early content check my ko-fi/patreon. Thank you!

You knew Wesker vaguely, based on other people's rumors, as he was your coworker during your Umbrella days. However, you had no idea how much he knew about you. From the outside, it seemed that you didn't exist for him, but on the inside, he had deeper feelings for you that led to an unhealthy obsession. You were smart, beautiful, and very determined, traits that made you a very accomplished scientist, and a challenge for Wesker.

Once he knew all the information he needed about you, he hired someone to stalk you, in order to get a better view of your personal life. All of your potential boyfriends disappeared when things turned serious, and that made you believe that something was wrong with you, but that wasn't true since Wesker pulled all the strings. It was, of course, for your safety, as none of them were worthy of having you. Wesker was your only choice, and you had to figure it out soon. He knew so much about you, as if you two shared the same house, but in reality he barely noticed you. He pretended so well that you had no idea what he was doing in secret.

His plan was coming to fruition, and once you were at your lowest due to not finding a partner, he began to act. The flaw in his plan, which he didn't anticipate, was that you didn't bother to notice him. You will not give in to his advantages, no matter how hard he tries. You said no to dates, flowers, and gifts. Truth be told, you didn’t like Wesker. He was arrogant, selfish, and mean. At some point during your relationship, you avoided him on purpose because he didn’t seem to get the hint. The more you’d reject him, the closer he’ll get. As a result, one day Wesker got mad and kidnapped you, but you escaped just in time thanks to the small outbreak that occurred in the Arklay Mountains.

He wanted to retrieve you that night but ended up toasted. You were long gone, and knowing that he'd follow you, you went to Antarctica in the employment of the Ashford family. It was weird to work with Alfred and "Alexia," not to mention the harsh and cold weather, but it was better than being near Wesker.

Wesker was heartbroken and searched for you for a while, but he lost hope and focused on his new mission.

The Redfield brothers were in the facility, causing mayhem. You didn’t know where Alfred was or if he was still alive. On your way to the security room, you heard a familiar voice from within.

"Ooh little fishy, come see my hook." the man said with arrogance in his tone.

You placed a hand over your mouth as you tried to suppress a scream. It came out as a muffled yelp, but unfortunately it was loud enough for Wesker to hear. You heard his steps coming to the door, and you ran away as fast as you could.

"Did he notice me?" You asked yourself.

"What’s that in the distance? I see another fish."Wesker said this theatrically, knowing he can catch you if want.

"Shit, shit, shit!" You tried to make it to the hangar, hop on a jet, and fly far away from there.

"Umbrella is going down; why didn’t I find employment somewhere else?"

You pulled out your security card and tried to open the doors. Your hands were shaking, so it was hard to scan the card through the small gap, but eventually the light turned green and the doors began to open. You didn’t care about Alfred; he was a jerk anyway.

"Going somewhere?" Wesker asked from behind in a calm tone.

You froze in place. It felt like time stopped, and like a cornered rabbit, you waited for the big bad wolf to kill you.

"Listen, Wesk-" a hand grabbed you by your neck, forcing you to face him. Upon seeing his bloody eyes, you let out a scream. They pierced through your soul as they looked down at you with anger and disappointment.

"Do you have any idea what kind of hell I had to go through in order to save your prissy ass?"

"I-I’m sorry..." you said, but your voice was fading as the grip around your neck became tighter.

"No, no, you’re not sorry. I did everything I could for you. I gave you a promotion, more money, and more resources, and what did I get? Rejection"

His face slowly morphed into something that didn’t resemble a human anymore. In that dim light, he seemed like a grotesque creature, one that was ready to rip you in half.

You took one final deep breath as you felt his hand crush your neck, and without realizing his next move, he smashed your head into the metal grid of the large door, making you lose consciousness.

You awoke in a strange room with huge pain throughout your body. You tried to stand up but failed multiple times as your legs were too weak to carry your weight. Eventually, you gathered some strength and started to explore your surroundings.

The room you were in was spacious, with a floor bed and some magazines, along with a TV and a small closet. When you moved further, you heard a clinking sound and felt a gentle restraint on your ankle. You started to sob when you realized the gravity of the situation. Cuffed to the floor in an unknown place with the worst headache and nausea, you began to scream as loudly as your weak body allowed, hoping to get his attention.

He made an appearance after twenty minutes, dressed in black, and he sat in front of you. After a few moments of silence and as your vision improved, you noticed that he wasn't himself, as his sheer confidence and symbolic smugness were missing from his face. He looked rather sad and exhausted.

It appeared that his eyes changed colors as well, and instead of that bloody red there was a warm shade of amber. He scanned you from head to toe in silence, keeping his own conclusions to himself.

Wesker didn’t want your relationship to end up like this, because he hoped you’d understand that he only used extreme actions because he loved you. He decided to be very calm and tolerant with you as he realized how hard it would be to make you fall for him, but one thing is certain: you will love him by any means necessary.

taglist: @shadow-wolf510 @ravenrune @cassie-todd

#resident evil #albert wesker #albert wesker x reader #angst #yandere #code veronica

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esther-dot · 9 months

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We should talk more about the fandom's love of violence as a response to the injustice.

Bcs i think they're (english isn't mother lenguaje 😅) being played by Grrm? He knows we like to escape to fantasy worlds and seeing the evil be defeated, but also he knows of our taste for blood, vengeance and retaliation.

I know what he said about he not being a strict pacifist believer. But is still contradicts his beliefs to burn alive someone for example, crucify a bunch of people, torture of innocent girls, or torture, simple torture.

One of the mayor problems of Grrm is the ethics and morals of his readers(and his).

Oh, I certainly agree that our acceptance of casual violence as a culture (I say this as an American, perhaps it is different elsewhere), has made a lot of fans miss how critical he is of violence in all forms. There’s a disconnect between what we believe the solution is (killing) and how he shows that to be ineffective. As in, Aerys starts killing people in an unjustified way which leads to a justified rebellion, but in that rebellion, innocents die (Elia, her children) and characters like Ned and Robert, who are victors, have their relationships changed, change as people, never recover what they lost--themselves or their loved ones. It's not a happy ending, not merely because both of those men die by the end of the first book, but because we also know that Aerys’ daughter is coming for revenge and will unleash devastation on Westeros in her effort to reclaim it.

Or we can look at Joffrey killing Ned (unjust), the North going to war (totally understandable), but we’re shown how the smallfolk suffer, that it doesn’t save the Starks from further suffering, and Robb and Cat die. Even when wars seem justified or necessary, Martin refuses to glamorize them the way the fandom wants and might expect. I’ve said before, depicting something isn’t condoning it, and we all land in very different places on certain subjects, “is this for a purpose or is this revealing a disturbing thing about the author”? But justice, mercy, war, peace…that all seems to have been of great interest to him from the get go which means we as readers should try to listen very carefully for that authorial guidance when determining what he is saying about it. Ned chose to save Jon (commit treason), he was ready to defy Robert over Dany, he warned Cersei in an attempt to save her children, and I think fro all his mistakes elsewhere, in these moments, we were meant to see that his was the moral choice:

What strange fit of madness led you to tell the queen that you had learned the truth of Joffrey's birth?" "The madness of mercy," Ned admitted. (AGOT, Eddard XV)

I understand how we get swept up in that feeling of power when a hero can easily kill the bad guy and guarantee a happy ending, but that isn't Martin's world, and in fact, he used Ned to show us how much he valued mercy instead. I recently watched The Last Kingdom: Seven Kings Must Die and Uhtred told someone that if you kill a man it only means three sons will rise up to kill you. It made me think of Ned's death, his children who want to kill Lannisters, of the North's loyalty to him, the reality of Dany returning, there is a cost to violence in Martin's story. Obviously, the good guys kill, you're right, he doesn't create a way to be a complete pacifist, and yet, I do think there may be a misalignment between his generation of hippies and our own which is also anti war but otherwise...shall I say, a little more open to violent means.

If we look at Ned's answer to a potential problem (whether that was Jon being a Targ who might grow to hate "the usurpers" for what they took from him a la Dany, or Jon being a bastard who might resent his trueborn "siblings"), he thought love would save them. That Jon growing up loving and being loved by his children would be the solution to a potential future problem. I've said before, I believe Jon will help in retaking Winterfell, will protect Ned's children when he failed to, because Ned, even if he is naive and people suffered for it, had the right ideals.

I believe this is why Sansa is so important because she has that ability to care and show mercy for enemies of her house and people who wrong her specifically, so it seems to me, that she would be someone who might strike compromises for peace rather than resort to further violence. War, death, that doesn’t seem to be Martin's preferred solution, and certainly, cruel deaths, torture, slavery, none of that is acceptable to him which feels like a silly thing to point out, but it is of course, an unpopular stance in the fandom, nonetheless true, and one we should keep discussing! I quite frequently see people act like those of us who write “anti Daenerys” (a tag we use out of consideration for her fans, a consideration that anti Sansa people have never given us) content are engaging in a ship war, but if one wants to understand what the author is saying, I don’t think you can avoid it? Is it really more reasonable to conclude Martin wants us to be fine with burning a slave alive than that we’re meant to be horrified? Tbh, if he didn’t want us to condemn it, doesn’t that demand we condemn his moral framework? It’s a different kind of fandom engagement, perhaps, but trying to understand what the author is saying is the basic form of engagement with a novel, shouldn’t be as offensive as people pretend.

I say this a lot but I always want to reiterate, I love that people who speak English as a second language still engage with the fandom. I know that English speakers are spoiled with content and ease of engagement, and that it can be intimidating to reach out for anyone, more so if there's anxiety about the language barrier, but I'm very happy you did it anyway, and hope you know how much I admire you for it!

#dot chat

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imaginedreamwrite · 1 year

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A Permanent Claim: Part 4

Harvard, the Ivy League school famously profiteering from the presence of Hayden and his family for generations, was just one of the many avalanching reasons why your relationship was tumultuous.

With his father belonging to one of the oldest fraternities, and Hayden joining the league of cult-like frat boys, there was a distinct sense of entitlement that led itself to a base kind of toxicity in your relationship.

Hayden had pitied you, in some frame of his mind, even though he had called you a breath of fresh air from the elitism that was engrained throughout the vines of his family tree, it was doomed.

If it hadn’t been the Ivy League school and the generations belonging to the same old-money fraternity, then it would’ve been his father’s reputation and penchant business that yielded disgust inflicted at your behest.

Your place as a poor community college student who graduated with a degree in childhood education and development, being certified in first aid and CPR, was not enough to impress the air of arrogance that surrounded his family. Your choice to work with children was as disrespectful in their eyes as a career in water and waste management.

Despite knowing that if it weren’t for men or women who worked in waste and water management, they’d have to dirty their own hands and clean their water.

And if it weren’t for men and women like you, with early childhood education and child development degrees, they wouldn’t be able to whisk themselves away to Paris, Belize, Venice or Copenhagen every year. If it weren’t for the people who wanted to work with kids, who wanted to give them a fighting chance to combat being shitty adults later in life, they would have to do the heavy lifting themselves.

But Hayden, partially, found your choice to work with kids as almost a romanticized fetish. As if there was some nanny kink that he could have exposed or leaned into, and that breath of fresh air that he claimed you were had been tarnished and sexualized within weeks.

Truly, it didn’t matter what had been the final determining factor to the end of your relationship. In the end, at the bitter ashen resolution, Hayden had still pitied you and looked upon you as if you were nothing more than a glorified babysitter with little promise.

It was another harsh dose of reality that you would’ve never irked, coming from the conversation before your interview and the phone call taken after your interview.

Although he had wanted to rekindle what you had, and although he was certainly charming enough to win over most women without much effort, the condescending edge to his affections and his desire would never allow him to move past his inherited prejudices.

The conversation after you’d accepted the job had turned into an argument, and that argument had bled into exhaustion that had you falling asleep late in the night with little hope for a truly restful sleep.

When your alarm had blared in the morning, you rose from the bed cantankerously. Your entire morning was rooted around the anxiety-inducing need not to be late for your first day and despite being as exhausted as you were, you moved quickly to gather what you needed and complete the list of tasks you’d had in your mind.

Everything from the basic routine needs, the basics that had to be done before you even packed, had been completed through grogginess that hovered above you. A figurative cloud promising rain and thunder, a mini storm that swirled with ambitious plans to follow you everywhere, had been felt through every step you crossed off in your mind.

Even as the clock struck 8:15 in the morning and you were pulling your shoes on your feet, you were afflicted by the figurative storm cloud and the derivative conversation turned argument that you’d had with Hayden. There was seemingly no end to the nature of his pitying thoughts of you, of his natural subjective opinions over your choices that inherently angered you, and made you want to strike him across the face with a hot skillet.

“I want you there at 8:30, new girl.” You huffed, you blew out a puff of air as you closed your apartment door behind you.

You locked it, wondering when you would be back next and if you’d packed enough. Curtis hadn’t talked about a schedule, neither had Pari mentioned once and you wondered how long you’d be working before you could come back to your apartment. While it had seemed like a conversation you should have with your boss, the idea of asking him when your day off before you’d even started was putting you at odds with yourself.

Or maybe it was your overall displeasure with Hayden and his harsh idealism retaining to you and your life.

A breath of fresh air—you scoffed at the idea, coming to realize that he was if truth be told, using you to piss off his father or take hold of some unplanned fun before his world was set right again. He was, by extension, deciding to gain some last taste of untethered fun before he had to find himself a sensible girlfriend and wife.

After your third set alarm blared for you to move your ass, and not end up being late for your first day, you shrugged off the last few optional tasks you’d wanted to have done before you left. With your hair pulled out of your face and a pair of cheap yet unnerving runners on your feet, you were halfway out the door before you turned back.

You couldn’t have prevented yourself from thinking about the lack of personality in the twins’ room, the lack of anything fun or objectionably childlike in the place that should have felt safe for them, bothered you. It was acid eating at your insides, lightly and slowly tearing away at your composure until you acted on the urgency to change that.

Your trek back into your apartment had led you to your bedroom, and even further beyond that, to a pair of cute stuffed animals you’d had since you were a child.

Unassuming and ordinary as they were, they’d made you feel safe and comforted.

The first you’d grabbed from the top of your dresser was light brown, almost sandy-like, with black eyes sewn into the plushy face right above the soft velour muzzle. It was one of your favourite bears as a child, one that you’d named Beartholomew.

The other stuffed animal you’d chosen to take was Snoopy, though he was far from ordinary or plain. With a sturdy and fuzzy set of yellow ears muffs on his head, and a light blue jacket with faux bone ties to hold the jacket closed, it was your favourite version of Snoopy ready for winter.

It was a favourite, it was a comfort and you’d only hoped that Theo & James would like them as much as you had.

The final alarm rang, and it was the catalyst to get you to leave. With the teddy bears in hand, you finally stole yourself from the apartment, hurrying down the staircases to the lobby and then out the front door.

“You’re going to be late,” the driver Pari had told you about the night before was already waiting for you in a blacked-out SUV, the rear passenger door propped open for you, “I’m not taking the fall for you.”

“Good morning to you too.” You mumbled under your breath, resisting the temptation to roll your eyes and instead settling yourself in the backseat with your chosen teddy bears beside you. “I’m not going to be late.”

“Have you ever tried to cross town at this time?” The driver was older than yourself, and likely Curtis, though there was the briefest skiff of greying hair at the nape of his neck and by his ears. “They’re gonna eat you alive.”

You raised your head when he added the last antagonizing comment, a complete lack of faith in your position and the apparent gentility that you seemed to radiate.

You wanted to open your mouth to make a retort in your defence, however, you weren’t given much of a chance when the driver started pulling away from the curb, and your phone started lighting up with text messages from Hayden.

Another feeble attempt to get you to agree to see him, another failed plea to let him have access to you and your body before he complied with his fathers’ wishes.

“Pointless,” you flipped your phone over screen down and negated to answer him, rather you watched the streets pass by as you mentally counted how many avenues were between you and the Curtis’ estate, a great difference between your station and his.

The unruliness of the twins running back and forth across the foyer with a sheet behind them was the first of many sights that had greeted you the moment you stepped into the house.

With muddy footprints traipsing from beyond your view, to the staircase and back around the other side of the hallway, it seemed as if the entire entrance was chaotically locked in madness.

Theo was the ringleader, you’d surmised from watching him in the few moments since your arrival, with a series of cave-man screeches as he crossed down the foyer to a hall and out of sight, while James was following behind his brother with not as much destructive energy.

You watched them with shock and awe, mystified by their presence and attitude toward creating a disaster, and by the huffing and puffing of the maid as she scoffed at the destruction.

“You’re the nanny,” your cantankerous driver looked you over unimpressed, “start doing your job.”

You settled yourself with the idea that you were being thrown headfirst into the job and into the state of needing to help the twins learn right from wrong and with that knowledge, you’d caught Theo and James when they tried to peel back around the foyer.

“Stop!” You raised your voice with just enough force to send the twins sliding into each other.

The older, only by seconds, Theo had skidded unsuccessfully and nearly toppled forward when James had tried to stop on a dime. Both of the boys looked at you with wide eyes, simpering with fear that came from, or you thought, the idea of some unfair punishment.

Theo was the first to turn toward you, looking at you far more head-on than before, and his blue eyes darted between the teddy bears in your hands and your face, still anticipating some kind of reaction that was over the top.

“Did you make this mess?” You questioned the twins, motioning with your hand to the muddy footsteps and the discarded shoes toppled and thrown in the corner. “Did you drag mud into the house?”

“It’s the new nanny,” James leaned forward and whispered in Theo’s ear, the two of them unsure of what to think of you now that you were officially starting your job, “what do we do?”

You negated to answer James’ comment and instead side-eyed the housekeeper who was still irritated and put off by the dirtiness of the floors she had just cleaned. While she hadn’t looked entirely cross to the point of no return, she was less than happy with the two.

“Theo, James…” You paused, taking a moment to make sure your voice was even and calm, to keep it controlled and not to provoke any anxiety within themselves.

There was no necessary force needed to deal with the twins, and whether it was your intuition or what Pari had told you about the previous nannies not giving Theo and James the ability to be kids, it had affected your approach.

“Can we take a quick pause?” The boys looked at you with wide eyes, their lips barely parted and their hands clutching the sheet-turned-cape and some fake foam sword. “I know you’re trying to have fun you dragged mud all over the clean floor, and your shoes are lying all over the place.”

It was as if lightbulbs had gone off in the twins heads and they were aware of what they’d done, and with a slow look around at the discarded shoes, the muddy footprints, the toys they’d dragged from their playroom and even the sheet, their playfulness was replaced with deep frowns.

“I have something for you,” you stepped dropped your blacked bag to the floor and stepped toward the twins, stuffed bear and Snoopy in your hands, crouching before them as they eyed you suspiciously, “this is Beartholomew, and this is Snoopy. I loved them when I was a kid, and I thought maybe you’d like to keep them safe for a while?”

You held out the stuffed animals for the boys, watching Theo grab the Snoopy and James reach for Beartholomew, both boys tucking them to their chests.

“Thank you,” James reply was quiet and he had squeezed his given bear, and then he bit down on his bottom lip, turning to look at the mess, “do we have to clean it up?”

The housekeeper had cleared her throat addressing you with a subtle sound and with a single look had flexed her fingers around the mop handle. With an understanding that suited both them and yourself, you had started to stand with a little smile.

“Pick up your shoes, put the sheet back where it came from and then go play.” You addressed them with a level of calm, hoping not to get off the wrong foot with them and solidify a certain level of trust compared to the other nannies they’d had before.

“And apologize for making a mess.” You stopped them before they took off, the boys looking back over their shoulders to utter a quiet apology before adhering to your request, first grabbing their shoes and then taking off up the stairs.

As they left up the stairs, you’d turned back to the bag you packed and had become immediately startled by the imposing figure standing behind you, with piercing blue eyes.

Curtis had looked you over with unwavering amusement and some other guarded secrets contained in his irises. He raised his hand and ran his palm over his chin and jaw, lips drawn into a smirk before he opened his mouth and with a single statement irritated you.

“You were late.”

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cafe-au-lait-loa · 8 months

Text

How I manifested 3P away & How I manifested 3P in the first place

Long time no see, I haven’t updated in a really long time. To be completely honest, I was having a hard time with my manifestations and I can completely understand why now.

🤍 So what happened since the last post?

I manifested so much shit, and I had to take accountability for it. When I made my first post, I was in a break up but still in full contact with my ex, our break up was caused by an external thing (which surprise surprise, I also manifested) but we were still on really good terms and telling each other daily that we loved each other.

At that point, I made my first mistake : I thought that this was happening to me, I thought that I couldn’t change whatever was going on because it wasn’t caused by him or me. This led me into the feeling of not controlling whatever was going on and therefore, not even trying to change it.

When I moved back to my own country (we’re from different countries, met and dated in a third country), I started to freak out. I was constantly plagued with the idea that he was going to forget about me and that he was going to find someone else. Obviously, as I entertained these thoughts, they started to manifest into my own reality. He ended answering less and less, only for him to tell me that he had found someone else (someone I was weary of during our relationship even though he had absolutely no care about her at the time) and then ghosted me and removed me from all socials.

That was my second mistake : I indulged in those thoughts, let them consume me. Therefore, they had no choice but to manifest in my reality.

During this entire time, I followed internet gurus that were just not for me. Now, do I think that they are wrong about what they teach? Sometimes, yes. But my main problem was that I had successfully manifested an SP before, but those gurus told me that my way of doing was wrong and that I needed to do it differently. I followed those rules for almost 6 months, and in combination with mistake 2, it all went downhill for me. Now, why do I put mistake 2 and this mistake together? Well, it’s very easy, coaches were telling me that it was okay to feel whatever I was feeling, and that kept me in a place of indulging in my negative thoughts.

That’s mistake number three : I was following blindly, even when I knew something wasn’t for me.

🤍 How did I turn the situation in my favor?

Near the end of July, I decided that I was done following everyone's advice and I was going to go back to my roots : robotic affirming. That’s when I rediscovered Sammy Ingram. Now, I do think that Sammy, just like any LOA coach, doesn’t fit with everyone, and she didn’t fit with me the first time I discovered LOA. However, that time around, I was fed up with all the bullshit I had manifested, I was ready to get this done and I was ready for some harsh truth and tough love.

I created four affirmations that suited me and my situations. I tried to not think about 3P as much as I could and as soon as she would appear in my thoughts, I would just tell myself “This person does not exist in my universe or in SP’s life”. I was affirming as much as I could, I was sometimes daydreaming of my ideal life with SP and I was not letting the 3D fuck this up for me. Would I say that I was perfect all the time? No, no one is. But I was putting in the work and holding myself accountable.

About a week after starting this, I felt the urge to check the 3D, but keeping myself in this mindset, I didn’t let myself do it. Until I finally did. 3P and SP had removed their pictures together (their profile pictures), 3P had removed his city from her bio and nothing about the two of them being together ever reappeared. I was FLABBERGASTED. That’s it! I was back on my game! Three weeks later, SP suddenly followed me on tiktok, and then used my tiktok to follow me again on instagram.

🤍 What has been happening since then?

Well, it’s been about a week since SP followed me again on socials, and it’s been a bit hard. Knowing that I can contact him anytime made it a lot harder for me, so I did my share of mistakes (sending him a reel and a message). But since yesterday, I’ve been back on track, focusing on me and my affirmations. I also started scripting again as it does make me feel good. I know that with persistence, SP will be back and he’ll obsess over me all over again. I’ll be sure to update you when he does. I also plan on posting about my manifestation story in general so you can learn a bit more from me.

🤍 🤍 🤍 Happy manifesting!

#loassumption #law of assumption #law of attraction #loa #loa blog #loa success #specific person #loa sp

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