#survivor’s guilt

[autisticlancemcclain]

She doesn’t hear him come in. She doesn’t hear a knock at the door, or his footsteps on her ornate Fluxian rugs, although that’s not too unusual. Lance is silent when he walks. But she doesn’t hear him until she hears the rustle of her bed canopy, feels her giant duvet being pulled over her head.

She supposes she should be startled by her friend’s sudden appearance in her room. Perhaps angry — she has insisted that he knock more times than she can count, and he never listens.

Instead she bursts into tears.

“Oh, Allura,” he murmurs, crawling on top of the bed immediately and placing an arm around her. He squeezes tightly, rocking her back and forth as he moves. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She doesn’t bother answering. She only sobs harder, muscles tense, refusing to take any comfort in his hold. She does not deserve comfort. Not when her failure came at a cost so deep.

“Millions dead,” she whispers, hiccuping around the word. “Millions.”

Lance stays silent. He offers no further platitudes, doesn’t bother to argue or try and change her mind. He’s already said his piece. Instead he simply squeezes once, then pulls away slightly. For a moment Allura is disappointed, then angry with herself for feeling that disappointment at all, but before she can follow that train of thought there’s a gentle pull of her hair and she realizes he’s gotten a brush.

He says nothing as he combs through her hair. He doesn’t ask her to move, doesn’t try to stop her tears. He simply lets her cry, knees tucked under her chin, and silently runs a brush through her hair. Whenever he reaches a tangle — and there are many, she’s been sitting blankly with her bedcovers over her head for stars know how long — he simply sets the brush down and begins to work it through carefully with his fingers. He never tugs on the hair, and it never hurts. It’s only soft, soothing strokes until her cries fade into sniffles.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeats when the tears have started to dry on her cheeks. His voice is firm, unarguable.

“We were minutes too late. The wormhole — I’ve moved us faster. I didn’t use enough urgency.”

His cool fingers brush the side of her neck as he gathers her newly brushed hair and she shivers. He sections off a piece of it, pinning the rest out of the way. She hears him weave some of the long, kinky strands together in a braid.

“How do you know that they weren’t waiting for us?” he asks quietly. “All information we had pointed to a small fleet; dangerous but not deadly. There was no reason for us to suspect that a Zaiforge canon was in the mix, because none of their communications said there would be.” He unpins another section of hair and gets to work. “The plan was to ambush us, ‘Llura. They used the planet as collateral.”

Deep down, she knows this to be true. She watched Zarkon and his forces do this countless times before she lost her own people to his tyranny.

But the guilt still lingers.

Seconds.

She was seconds too late to stop him, and for her error an entire planet was eradicated.

“Do you think they saw it coming?” she asks in a small voice.

Do you think they died afraid? is what she really means.

Lance says nothing for a long moment. His hands still, and his breathing quickens slightly.

Her heart sinks. He knows the answer just as she does, and he will not lie to her.

“There’s this song, on Earth,” he says, returning to her braids. “Our planet is broken into hundreds of nations, and they’re always in conflict with each other. Some moreso than others. One of the conflicts involves deadly nuclear weapons. If one country decides to fire, the rest will as well. Our entire planet is at constant risk of annihilation because our governors care more about their stupid pride than life.” His voice shakes by the end of his sentence, fury lining his voice. She is completely still, hanging onto every word, confused at the subject change but intrigued despite her horror. “Most of us who are aware of the issue live with a constant terror, even if it’s only in the back of our minds, that at any moment our planet could blow the hell up and there’s not a single thing we can do to survive it.”

She glances over her shoulder, no longer able to listen quietly. He avoids her gaze, brown eyes trained intently on his task. “That’s horrifying. All of you just…live like that?”

He shrugs. “Very little we can do to stop it.”

She starts to see the connection he’s making, the line between her heavy guilt and his planet’s fear.

She swallows. “…You can live with the fear?”

“There’s a song,” he repeats. He hums a slow, sad beginning. “‘We creep up on extinction, I pull your arms right in; I weep and say ‘goodnight, love’, as my organs pack it in…’”

He sings the song for her softly, following the final moments of a young couple, quietly dressing each other for their own funerals, dancing as their planet burns to the ground.

“There’s a peace to acceptance,” he says as his hums come to an end. He ties up her last braid and tugs her around to face him. He meets her eyes, finally, and reaches over to grab her hands, squeezing gently. “They were with their people and loved ones, as they died. They were afraid but they will be avenged. It’s not your fault, Allura.”

A tear drops down her cheek, dropping onto their joined hands. She watches it splatter, and finally lets herself believe that her friend is right, that he wouldn’t lie to her, that maybe — just maybe — she’s not at fault for this tragedy.

And maybe Altea wasn’t her fault, either.

“Okay,” she whispers.

He smiles, squeezing her hands one more time before pulling her out of bed and towards the door. “Good. Now, come on. Hunk made some food, we’re all waiting for you.”

#i haven’t written an allura story in a hit fucking minute which is a travesty #vld #voltron #allura #princess allura #lance #lance mcclain #lance & allura #they are so close to me. and what about it #allura angst #langst #hurt comfort #hurt/comfort #survivor’s guilt #my writing #fic #longpost #friendship

[send-me-a-puffalope]

As a rep sent by every lesbian on earth, I hereby declare that one (1) Vanessa Afton be more disheveled and girlfailure in the next movie. pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—

#continuing to lore dump to mike about shit that’s very very concerning but she thinks it’s normal #now that her abusive father is gone #she can go through her ‘i don’t know how to be my own person’ phase !!! #just the full hair down and messy #heavy eyebags #survivor’s guilt #quit being a cop #nightmares #unaddressed trauma #yeah… #fnaf movie spoilers #fnaf movie #fnaf vanessa #vanessa shelly #vanessa afton #five nights at freddy's

[moonlayl]

Even if all these people don’t actually care about the suffering happening in Gaza (which is beyond horrible, like these are lives we’re talking about) most seem to be completely ignorant of the fact that many people have family there. Some of my closest friends have lost dozens of family members this last month.

Like even if you don’t care because it’s happening in a different country, people you directly know could actually be deeply affected by grief, hate crimes, and intense survivors guilt.

From the article:

The disconnect and ignorance is insane. This is effecting millions of people both inside and outside of Palestine, including potentially your own friends, coworkers, acquaintances, professors, students, customers, employees, etc… to a devastating degree and so many of you, but mainly the government, does not care even slightly.

(Of course the destruction and horror the people of Gaza are facing does not even compare, but their families and friends also have to live with that loss and grief, and I’m not even talking about the very fact that it’s now been made clear that we have never been seen as humans or as equals even by a lot of liberals and leftists. Like we’ve always known to a degree but things have seriously changed after this. I can never look at most of the people I know the same ever again, online and in person)

Some of our lives have been completely and devastatingly altered and some of y’all are acting like this is just happening in a movie. Like it’s totally fine since it’s no where near you and since they’re Arabs and I guess it’s normalized for Arabs, especially Palestinians to suffer. Some of you have been desensitized to our suffering for way too long, it’s disgusting.

Anyways, please do not stop demanding for a ceasefire!!

#Palestine #free palestine #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #free gaza #Gaza #anti Israel #occupation #genocide #oppression #survivor’s guilt #grief

[riality-check]

Max, Eddie, and found family feels

Summary:

“He was such a prick,” Max whispers. “And I hate that I feel bad, and I hate that I don’t feel bad.”

Eddie sits back down across from Max and tries to wrack his brain for an intelligent thing to say.

He settles on, “You’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

Max snorts. “But isn’t it fucked up either way?”

“Welcome to Hawkins, Red,” Eddie says dryly. “We’re all fucked up here.”

OR

On a Sunday morning, Eddie and Max talk about survivor's guilt, cycles of abuse, and good ways to feel big.

#ria writes #stranger things #stranger things fic #st #st fic #max mayfield #eddie munson #survivor’s guilt #tw referenced child abuse #read the tags #found family

[zhangyulian]

Guilt - Spider & Neteyam

Warning: Character death and survivors’s guilt

This is an idea I have in mind for a story I plan to write eventually. This would only serve as one part of it.

I love Spider and Neteyam being Team Older Siblings. That’s kinda where the following idea comes from. You’re welcome to share your thoughts. Enjoy!

…

The Sully family live hidden within the Amazon rain forest amongst indigenous human tribes in South America.

The RDA is a large global resource organization responsible for the deforestation of the Amazon to gather precious “resources” within the land. However it’s a cover up for something more sinister — the capture of Na’vi Pretenders (natural born Na’vi with Pretender (Cybertronian) mixed DNA and their human allies.

In the center of this war with the RDA is Jake Sully and Neytiri. Jake is a crippled marine who is recruited by the RDA after his brother’s untimely death and is given a second chance at life by becoming an “Avatar pilot” to his brother’s Na’vi Pretender-spliced-with-human-DNA Avatar body. He is tasked with infiltrating the Omaticaya clan and reporting intel so the RDA can take them down all in one fell swoop, led by Colonel Miles Quaritch. Jake gets close with Neytiri, a natural born Na’vi Pretender and she teaches him to see and activate his ability to take on different forms, such as transforming themselves from ten feet metal organic beings to six feet human version of themselves. (This ability helps them blend in with the indigenous tribes, who see them as guardians and blessed beings of Mother Earth, aka Eywa. Although they are of Cybertronian descent, they do not transform into vehicles, only other organics) Jake falls in love with Neytiri and betrays the RDA, the RDA attempts to wipe out Hometree village off the face of the Earth and every living being in its path, including the Tree of Souls. Quaritch betrays the RDA after learning what they had been doing to his unborn son while in the womb of his now deceased lover. Jake and the Omaticaya manage to fight back with his help and the RDA take a step back and leave. Upon Quaritch’s dying breath, he begs Jake and Neytiri to look after his son.

The couple end up adopting baby Spider. Spider is a product of an experiment to combine Na’vi Pretender and human DNA to create natural born human super species. As a side effect, he was born with underdeveloped lungs and can only breathe pure oxygen, rendering him to wear a mask at all times. Out of the many newborns created, he is the only one that ends up surviving after birth. He is the oldest Sully child and son.

Neteyam is born soon after, being close to Spider’s age. They become very close, the babies being over protective of each other and never seen a part from one another.

Kiri, Lo’ak, and Tuk come not long after, and the couple are outnumbered by five children. They’re all trained to be warriors and healers and are aware of their origins and are all loved by Jake and Neytiri. They take extra precaution towards Spider, much to the boy’s annoyance that he can handle himself and his siblings.

Him and Neteyam take turns keeping their siblings out of trouble, although sometimes they contribute too (more so Spider than Neteyam, but Spider’s very good at hiding the evidence 😂). Despite Neteyam being taller than Spider, he enjoys snuggling up against his older sibling and entrusting Spider with his own thoughts and worries. They are each other’s rocks. And Neteyam isn’t afraid to set anyone who sees Spider for anything less than the loving brother that he is ram-rod straight.

When word gets around that the RDA has returned to the Amazon, Jake and Neytiri get ready to battle them again, but do not want their children involved at all. They decide to send all the children and those unable to fight across the Pacific to the Polynesian islands of Awa’atlu to stay with their Metkayina allies. Spider refuses to go, wanting to stay with his parents but their answer is final. Right before they depart, Neteyam approaches Spider in secret and admits he will be staying behind to help fight the war. Spider is angry at his brother, demanding why he gets to do so. His taller yet younger brother reminds him that as a natural born Na’vi Pretender, his abilities are stronger and can be more useful in battle. Spider, despite some of his enhanced abilities, knows he can’t do the same things as Neteyam but it frustrates him to no end, especially since he’s the one who’s supposed to look after all of his siblings.

Neteyam makes Spider promise him that he’ll look after the others. That causes Spider to ask his baby brother if he knew who he was speaking to teasingly, but they sober up quickly, the gravity of the situation hanging heavily on their shoulders.

Spider then in turn tells Neteyam to look after mom and dad, knowing they were not going to be happy at all that Neteyam stayed behind, but his fighting skills will certainly help them. They share a tight embrace, not wanting to let the other go, and try to hold back the tears as they finally part ways.

In Awa’atlu the Sully kids and other Omaticaya settle in with the Metkayina and they learn their ways of life and adapt. Over the months of training and guidance under Tonowari, Ronal and their children, they undergo the Metkayina Iknimaya and fully integrate themselves into the clan. Relationships also begin to bloom: Lo’ak and Tsireya, and Spider and Rotxo. Spider and Rotxo’s courtship started off as mere friendship then developed into a deeper romance. They bonded over the love of their younger siblings and family, the love they have of Eywa’s creatures and love for the sea. He reminds him of Neteyam and Spider can’t help but think of his parents and brother back at home, not knowing if they were on their way here or not.

The Metkayina have shown them great hospitality upon accepting their uturu. Rotxo made sure Spider and his family and people were comfortable and attended to their needs. A year into their stay, Spider and Rotxo seal their relationship by mating before Eywa, connecting their queues together (Spider’s a smaller but that doesn’t hinder his ability to connect). They each earn a matching tattoo for their mating and another to mark the start of their new family.

All is well in paradise until Awa’atlu is decimated with missile bombs from approaching RDA ships. Blindsided by the attack, the Metkayina attempt to flee and fight back the attackers that breached their land. In the midst of the chaos, Spider and Rotxo are defending Spider’s siblings when Spider’s suddenly tased from behind and ripped from Rotxo’s grasp, unconscious and bleeding.

He wakes up not in Awa’atlu but somewhere else, gray and metal and confined with no escape. He’s questioned and tortured and beaten, and he doesn’t cooperate. He fights back. But it only worsens when he’s out through a machine that attempts to read his mind and he resists with all his power. He notices the black specs on the machine, and for a fleeting second thought it was dried blood. The days blur themselves mercilessly without pause - wake up, fight, machine, scream, thrown back in cell, sleep, repeat. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there but they move him one day to another cell and finds himself next to another prisoner he’s never seen before — a young girl, probably Lo’ak’s age, in the same condition he was in. She looked dead, unmoving in her slumped place on the floor. But the minute rise and fall of her chest indicates she was breathing and alive — and bleeding all over and in black. His mind clicks with the specks he saw in the machine before and he puts two and two together.

That was her blood. She must have fought too.

He finds out her name is Madi and she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. She spoke of a world alien to him, and he comes to the conclusion she must be an alien from outer space, given she’d travelled on space ships and had been on other planets. How she ended up here was a total mystery, she didn’t remember herself.

Time passes — how much, they couldn’t keep track of. One time they tried to escape, only to be recaptured and bound. As punishment, Spider is forced to watch their captors tie down and drill into Madi’s bones to extract her marrow, ignoring her screams of pain. They don’t stop until she is in near critical condition and forcibly injects her marrow into him, stating that if she dies, they would at least still have him to work with.

Madi ends up living but isn’t faring well. They begin a new experiment with her, this time using a shard of metal they called an Allspark fragment. Something goes horribly wrong the moment they start. An explosion rocks the facility and unknown to everyone there, that explosion triggered the Autobots’ radar.

The Autobots launch a search and rescue mission to Mount Weather, the explosion leaking dangerous amounts of radiation across the mountain. The nearby towns are all evacuated. They excavate and find Spider and Madi unconscious, barely alive. They’re shocked to find them emitting weak newspark signatures despite the fact that they were humans.

Taken back to Diego Garcia, the pair recover slowly and painfully, hostile to their rescuers at first before slowly learning to trust them enough that they wouldn’t be harmed. Spider calls them demons, much to Madi and the Autobots confusion.

Spider and Madi venture the island after their recovery. Spider recognizes a specific plant that is used in signal fires and with the Autobots’ permission, light one up in hopes of making some type of contact. Unbeknownst to the Autobots and NEST soldiers stationed with them topside, there is movement in the water as shadows travel through the night.

The encounter that occurs between the newly arrived Metkayina Na’vi and the Autobots is tense, like a strung bow about to be shot. None of them attack, the Metayina especially given how tight Will’s grasp on Spider’s arm was, guns pointed at them.

Spider feels something flicker and twist inside him. Scanning the figures he searches, recognizing the two that approach — Kiri and Aonung — and attempts to call out something the Autobots nor NEST soldiers couldn’t understand. Everyone goes into a panic when suddenly he starts seizing and collapses, blacking out.

Spider manages to recover from the episode with the help of Ratchet and Kiri working together to save her brother. When he fully reawakens, he’s greeted by the sight of his sister Kiri and brothers Aonung and Lo’ak. And lastly, he gasps, Rotxo. They’re both speechless, full of tears, their bond broken for so long yet the moment they’re within one another’s presence, Spider feels it snap back into place. Ah, that’s what he felt earlier. He can’t stop crying as Rotxo holds him, gentle yet firm as if afraid he’s disappear.

They take their time healing and recuperating and rejoicing the founding of their brother, thanking Madi and the Autobots by safely harboring him. In the midst of catch up, he notices Kiri is wearing a familiar looking armband — one that Spider had made for Neteyam before they separated and asked if they heard anything from the Omaticaya. He learns that the situation has worsened, their people targeted and their homes destroyed. Word of Neteyam’s fate came with the arrival of Jake and Neytiri to Awa’atlu about a year ago. It was supposed to be Neteyam and Neytiri, but that didn’t go as planned. Neteyam took the shot meant for Jake and died bleeding in his parents arms, wanting to see his brothers and sisters again. They came by ikran, perhaps with a dozen others, a quarter of who they left behind to defend Hometree village.

Spider spent the next few days walking aimlessly on the beach of Diego Garcia while the others made talk for wartime negotiations. His baby brother lay with Eywa, dead. And it was all his fault.

Neteyam had followed Spider’s orders to the letter, like he did with everything in his life. He knew he would because Neteyam didn’t want to let anyone down, especially Spider.

Spider felt a dull ache and numbness in his chest. He couldn’t feel anything, half-alive, and wished he could take his words back, fought harder to stay, to protect his taller yet younger sibling who he confided everything to. His rock.

Spider promised he would protect all his younger siblings. Yet he failed to protect Neteyam.

He failed Neteyam. Tears slipped down his face, pooling at the bottom do his mask.

And he dared to asked Eywa why she took his baby brother away when it should be been him.

#miles soccoro #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #neteyam #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #brothers #brotherly moments #sibling bonds #older siblings #avatar twow #avatar #the way of water #survivor’s guilt #character death #sacrifice #signature - arcane #rotxo #cw the 100 #madi griffin #madi kom louwoda kliron kru #the 100 #signature #transformers #aonung #Kiri #spider x rotxo #Lo’ak #tsireya #ratchet

[angelnumber27]

The survivor’s guilt of surviving and beating an addiction so many people don’t. I beat the statistics even when it was deemed close to impossible because I fought so hard for my sobriety and freedom. I fought with everything in me, knowing it was literally life or death. It feels absolutely awful knowing how many people pass from unintentionally doing fentanyl because they were lied to and bought laced substances.. they didn’t even know. Yet I did it every day knowingly (after a while, didn’t know at first what I was doing) every hour or so for a few years and I’m somehow still here. I feel like so many people who passed from just horribly unfortunate circumstances who were lied to deserve to be here while I do not. It’s a difficult feeling to deal with and I don’t know if I will ever understand why I was chosen to keep living when so many other people weren’t. It hurts my heart :(

#addiction #fentanyl addiction #heroin addiction #oxy addiction #painkiller addiction #painkillers #roxys #survivor’s guilt #ptsd #personal #ok to rb tho if you have something kind to say or understand

[granulesofsand]

Hay, I hope you’re having a nice day.

Do you have any tips about dealing with survivors guilt, especially around m*rder.

We are trying to come to terms that we:

A. Where a literal child, much less one who understood the extent of the situation 

B. That we are to not blame for someone death, no matter what our handler said 

There is a few more things to be said, but honestly my brain is way too foggy to even try to process it. 

Easing Guilt

I had to take a few therapy sessions for this one. CW for death, torture, forced perpetration, RAMCOA, guilt and shame. Though I do appreciate the greetings with asks, they do sometimes read like a punch in the gut.

This article is about coercion under torture, but I read it and found pieces helpful for less related guilt. https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1FqT248H1e6w9P2zWheTnaMXsrvT-ZqzJ/1M7i7t3WBPwrcjtIlb6ii4XD8zyRd6Fza?usp=drive_link&sort=13&direction=a

This should take you to the Legion system’s Drive, which has a bunch of other RAMCOA resources.

Guilt vs Shame

Treating each other with respect and dignity is good for relieving guilt. Adult perpetrators shovel shame onto alters they want to keep cooperative, and holding space for those actions makes it easier to move away from that. Turning the “I am bad” to “I did something bad” and eventually resolving that.

Regardless of whether a death is caused by forced perpetration or external circumstances, it’s in the past. You are here now, and you can move forward into a better future.

Responsibility

For those who were hurt but not killed by others, even others who were significantly older than they, many don’t hold those people in a negative light. In the linked text, page 18 (2nd page under VI) talks about co-victims holding their coerced perpetrator blameless.

I’ve heard of adults in combat from both ends, one endlessly guilty and the other holding them without contempt. The same chapter, about a paragraph down, mentions a young girl who releases her perp and the perps before him.

Not everyone forgives the hurt caused to them, but many survivors do believe “justice” is less about retribution and more about guaranteeing safety for themselves and healing for their abusers. I say “abuser” because this comes from Judith L Herman’s book, Truth and Repair, which is not about forced perpetration.

So you are allowed to move forward without knowing how they would feel. If you want, you can consider it a kindness to them to heal. To live a life that they can’t, and to make your life meaningful to you. You are what is left behind.

Moving On

Depending on your faith tradition, you may want to outwardly show penance of some kind. Not to suffer, but to demonstrate your care for this history. Some of us hold safe ceremonies for those that they hurt, offering things they know or think they might like and providing what closure we can for both whatever remains of them and ourselves.

It can be difficult if you had a bond with the dead or if you did not know or care for them. You might change your assumptions about what happened and your role in it based on that, which can effect your grief and guilt.

That’s important, I think; making your guilt into grief. I don’t know that the pain we feel will ever fully dissipate, but it does get lighter. There’s a peace you can find as you go.

As a Victim

Having seen both sides myself, I don’t hold the children who hurt us at all liable for what happened, even the few who got close to killing us and probably think they did.

Some were in the same boat as us, and even then we forgave them long before ourselves or each other. Others were being hurt in another context or simply weren’t receiving appropriate care.

They were so young. I think it’s only in the upper 20s that I might consider someone responsible, but I don’t feel that anger. I agree with that book, I want to be away from them and I want them to be better. I think I worry more about the children who hurt us than anything.

If I could reach them, I would want them to know how much they deserve to heal. I don’t think of them as bad or dirty or anything else, I just want them to please be okay. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I feel worse for however my pain was interpreted for them than anything they did to me.

I’m not going to ask for more context, but we might be more helpful if you are ever okay with sharing details. We are not qualified to be a therapist, but we can handle a vent if that’s something you need.

#forced perpetration #survivor’s guilt #tw ramcoa #ramcoa #torture #mentions of violence #guilt #shame #did osdd #osddid #cdd system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #polyfragmented system #ramcoa system

[skyward-floored]

Febuwhump day 27 - survivor’s guilt

Hee heeee it’s a continuation to yesterday because continuations are fun (and nothing else I came up with was that great for today. I’m glad tomorrow is the 28th phew)

Thanks Tellie for helping with the ideas for both yesterday’s and today’s <3

Era is hyrule Warriors Link, and Sprite is ocarina of time/majora’s mask

Part 1

Courage of ages explanation

————————————————————

Era held Sprite tightly in his arms, the boy’s head resting silently on his forearm.

Sprite’s face suddenly scrunched up a bit, and Era tried to settle him more comfortably in his hold, eyes glued to the still-damp stain of red on his side.

Whatever Cloud’s Zelda had done seemed to have temporarily stemmed the bleeding, but Era couldn’t help but be fearful that it would suddenly reopen. She’d said she’d bought him some time, but how much time? What if the others took too long in their search for a fairy and Sprite—

The boy let out a breathy murmur, and Era sighed.

All he could do was wait, and hope.

He took his gaze off of Sprite for a moment, glancing up at the only other occupants of the room. Cloud and his Zelda were murmuring quietly to each other a little ways away, heads pressed together, and Era pointedly didn’t listen to their conversation. He could hear it a little, but he’d grant them their privacy.

Cloud deserved a moment alone with his wife, especially after nearly watching her bleed out.

A pang went through Era at the reminder of the fight, and he looked back down at Sprite, blood on his face stark against his pale skin. He’d seen Sprite run towards Zelda and had meant to follow after him, but he’d been swept into the fight, focused only on fighting off the yiga soldiers until he’d heard Sprite shriek.

He’d immediately dropped what he was doing and bolted to his side, horror striking him like a physical blow when he’d seen Sprite lying bleeding on the ground.

Era swallowed, holding Sprite a little closer to his chest.

He’d practically been stabbed, a huge slice ripping into his side that had left a gash in his tunic so big Era wasn’t sure even Kaleidoscope would be able to mend it. Sprite’s middle was covered in half drying blood, and he’d obviously been injured internally based on the blood at the corner of his mouth.

He’d been horribly injured, and even if they’d had a fairy in the first place Era would have made him rest for at least the next day, taking it easy with a wound that would doubtless scar.

And what injuries had Era himself sustained in the battle?

None.

He didn’t have a scratch on him and Sprite and Cloud’s Zelda has both almost died.

And Sprite still could.

But how was that different from any other part of Era’s life? He’d fought in almost countless battles, killed endless amounts of monsters and fought Ganondorf himself, and yet he still stood here, alive and on his own two feet. He’d watched so many men cut down over the years, dying in countless gruesome ways and horrible injuries that took longer to kill through infection or lack of supplies

And yet, he was still alive.

It didn’t matter where he was, what he was doing or who he fought alongside.

He always went on unscathed while the people closest to him suffered.

“Era..?”

The knight blinked out of his gruesome thoughts and looked down at the boy in his arms, watching as Sprite opened his eyes a fraction. A bit of relief hit him at the sight of him awake, and he conjured up a smile for him.

“Hey kiddo,” he said softly, running a hand through his hair. “How are you feeling?”

Sprite let out a quiet mumble in reply, then winced as he tried to shift himself around in Era’s arms.

“Easy, you’re not exactly healed yet,” Era warned, stopping him from rolling over. “The others are out looking for a fairy, take it slow until they come back, okay?”

Sprite sighed and stopped moving, looking quietly up at the stone ceiling instead

“...Zelda?” he whispered, and Era glanced back over at Cloud and his wife again. They were still talking in hushed voices, and Era felt just the smallest touch of jealousy as they leaned together and kissed, quickly looking away.

“Yeah, she’s doing fine. Thanks to you,” he said a bit chidingly, and Sprite smirked just a little.

“Good. Be stupid... if she wasn’...” he mumbled, then winced and put a hand to his side. “Ow.”

“Easy,” Era reminded him, and Sprite hummed in grumpy acknowledgment.

They stopped talking then, Sprite staring tiredly around the temple, Era taking the opportunity to look around as well.

It was an ancient place, that much was obvious based on the weathered bricks and vines that snuck up through cracks in the stones. A tree grew nearby where Era was seated, and as he gazed around, he blinked in surprise at the sight of what looked like the Master Sword itself mounted in a pedestal across the room.

Era filed the sight away to ask Cloud about later, and went back to watching the boy in his arms, who only looked more tired as the minutes went on.

“I think you can sleep if you want to,” Era said gently, watching as Sprite’s eyes drooped the longer he stayed awake. Sprite for once didn’t argue, a sure sign of how exhausted (and in pain) he was that he merely let his eyes slip closed.

“‘kay,” he murmured, then turned his head into Era’s chest with an exhausted sigh. “Thanks dad.”

Era felt a familiar warmth in his chest at the title, and pulled Sprite more securely into his arms, letting him nestle up to him.

“Get some rest kiddo,” he said softly, setting his scarf over him. “You’ve done enough today.”

And as Sprite slipped back to sleep, triumphant shouts of a found fairy sounded from outside the temple.

#legend of zelda #legend of Zelda au #courage of ages #coa era #coa Sprite #tw blood #writing from the floor #febuwhump #febuwhump2023 #day 27 #survivor’s guilt #me; sobbing as I hold Era and Sprite: THEY’RE FAMILY YOU GUYS #AAAAAAH #I CARE ABOUT THEM A NORMAL AMOUNT #wow I need to go to bed

[married-to-a-redhead]

Long week. Good news / Bad news.

My company was acquired. Rarely a good thing for the employees of the acquired company.

Good news: my job is safe, in fact in some ways I am more important than ever to my new company.

Bad news: two of my employees are being let go. It wasn’t my decision but I participated in their notification meetings because I owed it to them to be there for them. They were tough meetings but I will use everything in my power to help them land new jobs.

A long week indeed. Time for scotch.

#personal #survivor’s guilt

[ninasriver]

It breaks me that they do not have time to grieve and mourn their loved ones. At this moment, all they can do is try to survive.

Still, what will happen after it's all over?

When everything becomes quiet around them, when they turn their eyes in an attempt to comprehend everything that happened.

When the reality hits them that there’s no one left whom they used to see smile every morning.

When the rage of loss and grief awakens.

O Allah, I fear for them from the survivor’s guilt, O Allah, be kind to them, be with them, and send down tranquility and solace to them.

يكسرني انهم لا يملكون الوقت للحزن والحداد على أحبابهم، في الوقت الحالي كل مايفعلونه هو محاولة النجاة والبقاء، لكن مالذي سيحدث بعد انتهاء كل شيء؟

عندما يصبح كل شيء هادئ من حولهم فيقلبون النظر في محاولة لاستيعاب كل ماحدث، عندما يضربهم واقع ان لا أحد بقي ممن اعتادوا رؤية ابتسامته كل صباح.

عندما يستيقظ غضب الفقد والحزن.

يالله اخشى عليهم من عقدة الناجي الوحيد، يالله الطف بحالهم وكن معهم، وأحسن عزائهم وانزل عليهم السكينة والسلوان.

#gaza #from the river to the sea 🇵🇸 #free palestine #survivor’s guilt #grieving #mourn #Nina's River

[derakhtesokoot]

my heart is bleeding

#survivor’s guilt #please pray for iran #please pray for my family in iran

[ladysternchen]

Been slipping from meltdown into shutdown and back into meltdown (I’m autistic and mom of four of whom at least three are as well) this past week. And THAT’s what my brain gets up to in the middle of the night. Ah well.

#elu thingol #silmarillion #fanart #winter #survivor’s guilt #of beren and lúthien #grief #not sure who the voice from the off is #that’s really what depression looks like at times

[riverstardis]

survivor’s guilt:

“that’s gotta be worth at least a tenner of my inheritance” “isn’t that a bit disrespectful to our dead mother?” “isn’t that a bit sentimental for an atheist?” “i’m not technically an— i’m not even gonna go there“ agnostic ethan so true i’m claiming him!! the question is though what is cal? because the way he says that makes it sound like he isn’t an atheist but they never indicated him believing in a god or anything at any other time?

rita asking ethan if he ever just wants to punch cal and him saying “i did punch him once, when i was nine. fractured my thumb metacarpal. not gonna give him that satisfaction again.” sjskdkd bless him

jenny the nurse at their mum’s hospice, of course cal’s gonna flirt with her

ethan saying his mum’s genes were weak because none of her brilliance passed on to him… awkward. what baffles me though is that she had cancer so she knew she was dying but she didn’t think they might need to know they were adopted?

“you’re a doctor on duty, she’s here to see a patient who passed through our ed. the levels of unprofessionalism your libido drags you down to continue to astound me” 2014 ethan would like a word with 2018/19 ethan methinks sksdkkf. tbf though leigh-anne and effie were bc of his trauma rather than his libido. not that that makes it any less unprofessional

jenny saying cal got their mum’s persistence and ethan got the looks and cal’s so offended LMAO

lofty trying to tell people his name but everyone’s already calling him lofty

“using our dead mum to try and pull women? you are pure class”

the first ‘nibbles’!!!

“because it makes me want to break my thumb on your nose again” such a polite way to say you want to punch someone sjskdk

“you keep telling yourself you didn’t take advantage of her state of mind” TELL HIM RITA

ethan snapping and shouting at the teens fighting in reception. that is the way he deals with things: he pushes everything down until he can’t anymore and then he has an outburst that seems like it’s come out of nowhere

“i think your mum put that condition in her will as a challenge to him, not a responsibility for you. it was a slap in the face from beyond the grave and if that doesn’t wake him up to himself then i don’t know what will” i miss rita and ethan’s friendship <3

“good work today, ben” “lofty’s fine”

i’ve heard that holby ruined lofty which is such a shame :(

ethan giving cal his inheritance on the condition that he leaves and doesn’t come back… yeah that’s not gonna work out for you bestie

#classic casualty #survivor’s guilt #bbc casualty #casualty

[tiamat-zx]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series), The Legend of Vox Machina (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Cassandra de Rolo, Yasha (Critical Role), de Rolo Family Additional Tags: Febuwhump 2023, febuwhumpday27, Survivor Guilt, Chance Meetings, Cassandra de Rolo Needs a Hug, Post-Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Pre-Campaign 3 (Critical Role), Not Beta Read Series: Part 27 of Febuwhump 2023 Stories Summary:

On the anniversary of Whitestone’s liberation, Cassandra decides to visit an old haunt of her eldest sister, now shared by her eldest niece. She doesn’t expect to see someone else there. — @febuwhump 2023 Day 27: Survivor’s Guilt

—

Time to finish my Febuwhump 2023 stories, beginning with this quick one.

@blorbologist Here’s to you, Maggie!

In the language of flowers, Rosemary is for “remembrance”. Thus the title and the setting.

And now… one more story to go and then I’m DONE!

#febuwhump2023 #febuwhumpday27 #survivor’s guilt #cassandra de rolo #yasha nydoorin #de Rolo family

[winged777]

can’t a girl mourn the death of a dog in the back of a theater in peace?

#survivor’s guilt #haley blais #music #Spotify

[souls-gone]

working on a ds3 verse and i could definitely see freyja as a carim maiden that got her assigned morne knight (accidentally) killed on their way to lothric................

#survivor’s guilt #undecided though #she could be a female cleric from thorolund too hmmmm