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ryoceann · 3 years

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well hello everyone! how are y’all holding up??

it’s been a painful couple of days and all of us have been through quite a rollercoaster myself included. plenty has occurred and as of now things have calmed a bit down. I have too and I have several thoughts regarding of what happened and I want to talk about it. About j2, perfect relationships, PR, what happened then and what happened after and how we progress from here on.

there’s no denying what happened was painful and shitty. there’s also no denying that the entire event brought out to the front that quite a lot of us idolized j2′s relationship a lot. we put it on a high pedestal, many of us have the tendency to do that. the thing is in the past 16 years, 99% of what we have seen between j2 has always been <3. we’ve seen the highs and this was the first time we saw quite a low. none of us expected it. and when it happened we were left shocked. for a lot of people this has destroyed that ‘’perfect j2′’ image. it has changed the way people see them now. and in my opinion, that is what lingers now. the fandom and their feelings on this situation. i know. i know some of us are hurt, angry, disappointed and deeply upset. and all of that is valid, but now it us up to us to work through this. we got caught up in this situation because we love j2, we love their relationship. but while this took place in public and over a public platform, it wasn’t about us to begin with. this was a private matter between the j’s and it is up to them to resolve this, something I believe wholeheartedly they are doing. and with this i also want y’all to remember: we do not know what happened behind the scenes. we do not know what took place behind the screen. it is very clear that there is more. more at play than we know/can see, and more people involved in this. the situation is more complicated than what we can comprehend. however that doesn’t erase the fact that what happened was shitty and something that shouldn’t have. and that’s the thing about humans and relationships. real humans and real relationships. humans fuck up and sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most. relationships get tested then, they go through painful bumps and like Jared has said once: ‘’these are the moments you figure out if it’s worth it’’. and it’s very obvious that j2 have figured out it’s worth it. that they’re figuring it out and working through it. and well that makes the relationship even more significant, strong and deep right? that they go through struggles, and they put in the effort to work through it, BECAUSE they love each other so much? that’s what makes the bond stronger, when you come across obstacle and then you overcome them, together. j2 talked, and they’re resolving this. and i have faith that they will be okay. in fact that’s what i believe right now. I don’t think that they’re a 100% but that they’re working towards it. they’re Jared and Jensen! they’ve been through a whole fucking lot in their life, and I know they love each other and I know they will fight for each other.

Some of us had started to heal, after Jensen tweeted and then a few other things happened, such as Kripke, Kelli, Jensen tweeting again, and him out with The Boys cast and just recently Jared tweeting. Kripke deleted his tweets and then from Jensen’s account we got tweets regarding to the prequel. Which makes one thing very clear: After j2 resolved this somewhat over Twitter (mostly for our benefit and then have continued to resolve it in private, let’s be real here, we’re never going to hear the full story, and the whole matter and what not, because as a fandom that is all we were owed. this is up to j2 to work through which I’ve already said they will), and then Kripke deleted his tweets, Kelli deleted her tweets and tweets/articles regarding the prequel were sent out, this is what the PR strategy is right now. J2? resolving it. Now what to do we do? Pretend this never happened and continue moving on. J2 really need to get a better PR team. with that said the last three tweets, the Natalie Fisher qrt, and the other article ones, they weren’t Jensen. Jensen has never before tweeted multiple links to a project of his. It was PR. like I said: move on, and pretend it never occurred- that’s the PR strategy here. And then the Jensen at Erin’s birthday party happened. I am still not okay with what Jensen did, but let’s please be rational here. Every single cast member from above and beyond was over there. Jensen looked tired and like he was trying to have a good time. In that video of him singing, the video was barely over before he reached for his phone. Which makes me hmm, he could have been texting Jared for all we know, or sorting through this as best as he can. We have no idea the PR management pressure he’s under. And I’m not going to berate him for going to a co-worker’s birthday party. Lots of us have very different coping methods with dealing with shitty events.

Jared tweeted twice today. He’s always been a man driven by emotion, and over the years he’s expressed himself a lot publicly and with us(something he’s done because of Jensen’s help). When he had a bad birthday, he said it. When he had his breakdown, he asked for well wishes. When he didn’t know about the prequel and found out about it PUBLICLY, he reacted PUBLICLY. He shared his pain. I truly believe if somethin bad had broken here between j2 he would have said it. Instead he’s said he’s working it out with Jensen. ‘’once brothers, always brothers’’. <3 and he interacted and wished Felicia and a fellow fan ‘’happy birthday’’. That puts me at more ease, because it show that not only is he seeing our love, he’s also healing.

In the end, even the strongest and the most best relationships aren’t without their up and downs. What happened was out of character, and there’s more at play here. and we’ll most prolly never find out why. a lot of us want explanations, but that’s us and our parasocial relationships </3 in the end, it’s between j2 to work through because it’s their relationship and how they’re solving it is not for us to witness, they’re in uncharted waters, unfamiliar circumstances and distance is playing a big role in this. it’s terrible as hell but in my heart, I know they’ll be okay. They have been through worse, and they’ve always fought through it and have come out stronger in the end. They’ve never given up. And they won’t now. J2 will be okay. and I know all of us are wondering how Jared is doing particularly.

@/jarpackles is a trustworthy person, can confirm <33 whether you choose to believe this or not is up to you entirely. but like I said previously, Jared tweeting today makes me feel lighter.

I know for some of us that magic of j2 is gone. and i’m very sorry for that. but i hope you remember that one shitty fight does not remove 16 years of the love they’ve shared with each other and them. that them working through this and still being together, fighting for each other, is meaningful and makes their relationship that much more <3

heal. that means taking a step back, breathing, sorting your thoughts out, and patiently working through this. i’m here for all of you. take as long as you need. your feelings are valid, and this situation was scary so deal in the way you see best.

before i wrap it up: i am still a fan of jensen. i still love him. i acknowledge very well what he did wrong and i have no doubt he is making amends for it. there is no off button for my feelings :) and i’m still a hat, still a j2 lover.

Jensen and Jared will be okay. They’ve come too far to give up now and they love each other far too much for that. They are solving this and healing together. Bumps in the road happen but the truest and the best of all relationships are those that work through them. And that’s what our beloved j2 are doing.

❤️

#prequel gate #j2 #j2 tinhat #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #true love is difficult but it's real #there's no simple in it #love gets complicated #situations and circumstances get complicated #and the course of true love never did run smooth #and then you find out if it's worth it or not #and j2 did <3 #sorry for this being long skjkjdkd #but i did want to wait before i made final sort of stance #and well this is it!#hope it helps #<3

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magpiemorality · 4 years

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Remus vs. His Birthday

Long post is long, keep reading isn’t working sorry all!

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, gore, murder, nsfw things; unfriendly Remus (he’s just antagonistic not unsympathetic); Remus being rude about the nsfs tag (not an opinion the author holds).

AO3

***

What exactly was the point, Remus wondered, of a birthday? Was it a celebration of cheating death? A consolation prize for getting through another solar rotation of mundane life? An apology to everyone in your life for existing?

Yeah Remus wasn’t sold. Why would you bother? If it was a celebration why celebrate only once a year, when society told you you could, rather than whenever life was actually worth celebrating? Why not impose yourself on all days, or better yet forget days were a thing at all?

(That last part sounded like Janus when he was on one of his society-is-a-con rants but Remus liked the idea. And the rants. They were pretty fun to listen to.)

Today was, apparently, Remus’ birthday, for all that meant to him. The real issue was that, irritatingly, it meant something to everyone else. And before this year, specifically this year, that would have meant squat. But this damn year it meant plans.

Plans were another thing Remus didn’t see the point of. Why think about future things when you could think about now things and just do them? He was all impulse, by design, and sticking to a plan was incomprehensible and pretty revolting to think about, torture plain and simple for a creature like him.

Remus seethed at the very concept, staring daggers at the envelope that had dropped into his home in the subconscious. Literal daggers, shredding the cheerful mint green paper of it with vicious pleasure, until the daggers were just thudding into the floor underneath and he got distracted playing target practice with various shadows of particularly nasty thoughts that crept through the dark corners down where he lived.

Daggers exhausted and eyes back to normal, he collapsed into the blow up armchair he so adored (mostly because it made brilliant fart-like noises whenever he shifted around) and wondering if plotting went against his moral stance on plans. He felt like plotting. He felt like not celebrating his birthday thank you very much.

Unfortunately the next thing to drop in was much more Thomas-shaped, and it dusted itself off nonchalantly while he considered a return to the dagger-eyes.

“J-anus.”

“Remus. Must we be like that?” Janus asked with his very carefully crafted snobbish distaste. “I come in peace.”

“Wish you’d come in pieces. That would’ve been much more fun,” Remus muttered, and as he blinked at the other side body parts started to drop piece by piece around his intruder. Janus glanced down at the first and hid a delicate shudder, returning his gaze to Remus’ face and steadfastly holding it there. Remus dropped a nose on his shoulder just to spite him. He could appreciate a good pun as well as the next side.

Janus cleared his throat. “We would like to celebrate your birthday. It’s not entirely, ah, a birthday party, per se? But Logan predicts the fans might celebrate for you, and Thomas will naturally be unable not to think of you much. The invitation was more of a heads up.”

“Attention? On moi? I’ll have to dress appropriately. Birthday suit is only right!”

“Remus-”

“What? Don’t approve? It’s not even my birthday, Snake Bell. They’re just something Daddy latched onto to make his dreams of normality come true. Besides, it’s not like anyone wants me front of mind- where worse to have your darkest thoughts after all?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Ah, points. I was thinking about those. I think the more the better-” he grinned, twirling his hand and summoning his morning star into it “-but this has precisely none. I don’t want to celebrate it. No one else wants to celebrate it. Drop it there, or I’ll drop you all one by one off a tall building. Or maybe the plank. Now pirates, there’s a fun aesthetic...”

Clearly the conversation wasn’t going the way Janus wanted because he looked visibly frustrated, pulling his hat off to rake a hand through his hair with a little scowl marring his- well, half of his face. If Remus took a meat-cleaver down the centre of his skull he wouldn’t have matching halves. Ooh, Heathers. Now there was another fun aesthetic. Imagine turning up to the joke of a celebration in a cutesy prep school outfit complete with croquet mallet. Hammer. Thing. Remus wasn’t sure of the name, but it didn’t have any points so meh. Maybe it could be a fun experiment, like the Riverdale Heathers episode, which Remus had only experienced through the triple layer disconnect of Thomas watching it and unwittingly handing it over to Janus to hide down in the subconscious where all the other undesirable memories, experiences and miscellaneous things lived. Like Remus!

But he was losing focus, and Janus was still there. Ugh.

“Just be prepared, alright? It would be highly appreciated if you didn’t just show up and antagonise Thomas on the one day he’s allowing you up front. I know it’s hard but just... ix-nay on the eath-day, ex-say and ore-gay?”

“Ooh, ore-gay, or orgy? Did you mean to say orgy?” Remus grinned sharply and Janus’ remaining composure dribbled away.

He muffled a scream into his gloved hands before glaring once more at Remus. “Just behave. Or I will put you back here, and you will stay here until even the memory of you has faded, understood?”

Remus’ mouth clicked shut and he nodded, eyes narrowed balefully under the scorching threat. “Understood. But next time you feel the need to threaten me with hiding again, maybe don’t do it in my own home, hm?”

“Wha-”

“Bye Felicia.” The sound of Janus’ screech as he was shot upwards by a giant tentacle and shoved back through the ceiling to where he belonged was like music to Remus’ ears. Scream music. Oh, how interesting, what if he took screamo music and put it to actual screams?!

It was such a good idea that he forgot about his ‘birthday’ entirely while focused on his project until the next day, when the tugging started. It was gentle at first, just the odd prod, like a big finger was occasionally checking his responses. Like he was a tiny lab rat in a giant world, and boy did that one hit a little too close to home. Home here being allofhisgreatestfearsatonce.

He didn’t want to answer the call, he really didn’t, but... Remus was curious, and impulse won out as always. Because why not go look? Why not go see? Who cared how it turned out- the fun was in the spontaneity, in the doing.

Thomas standing with a faintly amused smile was not what he’d have expected had he expected anything at all. But Thomas standing with a faintly amused smile was what awaited Remus topside, out in the full force of consciousness. It burned, being here, and Remus was reminded once more that in many ways he’d not been imprisoned down below for everyone else’s safety but also his own. Damn the snake for his constant self-preservation. Remus wanted to be mad at him for leaving for once!

“Hi Remus,” Thomas greeted, that same amusement on his tone. And oh, yeah, he’d gone with the Heathers look after all. It was a warm summer day and skirts were nice and breezy, sue him. Remus struck a pose with the croquet... thing, and bared his sharp teeth.

“Did you miss me? Oh you did miss me didn’t you. I can tell! You’re just so curious about me! Well-”

“Settle down,” Logan warned, and oh. Yuck, other sides.

“Yeah why don’t you-” Remus screamed, high pitched and piercing, as his supposed twin’s voice came from right behind him, spinning and swinging and almost catching Roman in the face with the blunt weapon. Only Virgil’s quick reflexes managed to save him, leaping into the way to catch the head of the mallet like a baseball. Now baseball, there was an impulsive and dangerous sport. Why had they never taken up baseball?

Oh that was right...

“Well done Virgil!” Janus smiled. Because the snake said no. And Virgil said no. And when the two of them agreed even Dream Daddy had to comply. Whatever, it was never too late. The croquet mallet turned into a baseball bat as his thoughts flickered, but it was boring and not pointy enough, until he added the nails.

Everyone flinched back slightly, even Thomas, and Remus hefted the weapon onto his shoulder with a proud jut to his chin. Good.

Thomas looked uncertain but he tried again. “Um, that’s cool. Like from the Walking Dead?”

“Just like that! Who volunteers as zombie?!”

“Actually we had something else in mind!” Thomas interjected quickly, turning his phone around to show the screen. “Look, cool art!”

Remus didn’t miss the glance Thomas sent around the other sides for approval, but he was soon distracted by the contents of the screen. He scrolled, and scrolled, and kept scrolling. Huh. This was, actually pretty cool stuff. Plenty of blood, gore, some sexy things. And all not just about him but for him. Interesting.

Also this tumble thing was dreadfully good. He’d have to get one. Endlessly scrolling on a sea of blue was the perfect- aka worst- kind of instant gratification mixed with cybergothic horror that he’d always wanted to explore creatively not that Thomas would let him if he only understood more about it.

Around the room the other sides and Thomas stood, waiting with bated breath to see what might happen. It had been a few minutes of silence, which had Janus’ jaw dropping open and Virgil shifting nervously on his feet. Roman busied himself looking over Remus’ shoulder and trying not to wince at the gross stuff as he appreciated the art himself. Finally it grew too much and Thomas had to know. He had to!

“Is it good? Do you like it? I think there’s a lot of cool stuff there but-”

“Did you know there was an explicit tag specifically for us?” Remus gasped in delight, before frowning. “Jeez, we get our own tag. How prudish are your audience Thomas?”

“And that’s enough of that!” The phone was neatly plucked from Remus’ fingers and tossed over by Roman, shrugging when Remus glared at him. “So what do you think, Remus? They all made that stuff because they wanted to celebrate you. Janus mentioned you don’t like birthdays, but-”

Remus held a hand up to shut him up. “Okay look, it’s not my birthday. But that stuff was pretty cool. Especially the naughty bits. So, uh, thanks I guess. Don’t get used to it but thanks. And now bye! I have zombies to kill. I need to perfect my Hollywood zombie strike for maximum blood spray and noise.” He blew a kiss and vanished in a pop of noxious gas, leaving poor Roman to gag and leap away before it could get on his clothes.

Beneath them (figuratively) in the subconscious, Remus landed on a trampoline that instantly snapped to dump him on the floor with a thump, where he lay, stunned not from the fall but mostly from all the thoughtful and cool tributes to him he’d seen. Maybe birthdays weren’t so bad. Maybe the point was to feel a little proud of yourself and who you were, and where you were in life. He was, maybe not entirely but certainly almost, a real functioning side in Thomas’ mind, not reduced to intrusive thoughts from time to time when the barriers wore thin.

Also he had a nail-bat now. And a whole bunch of new ideas from the art he’d seen to try out too... Where to start?

Well, apparently he had a whole year to figure that out.

Masterlist | Buymeacoffee

#writepie #ts remus #ts character thomas #ts janus #ts deceit #all sides #ts sanders sides #ts sanders sides fic #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #remus sanders #his birthday!#am I late #maybe

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lirlovesfic · 3 years

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wait so what's the deal with the whole wedding thing i'm kind of curious now

I’m probably not the best person to ask, because I haven’t been a dean x cas shipper for long (maybe a year or two) and I don’t have all the background/behind the scenes stuff memorized, but I’ll do my best. For anyone else reading, the following is long and will contain a crap ton of spoilers, so I’ll put it under a cut.

I’m not sure how much you follow Supernatural, but I’m going to assume you only know the basics: Dean and Sam Winchester are monster hunters extraordinaire and over the course of the series they take on--in addition to vampires, werewolves, and ghosts--the apocalypse, heaven, hell, angels, demons, Lucifer, and ultimately God himself. Season Four introduces the character of Castiel, an angel who saves Dean from hell. Over the course of the rest of the series, in addition to all the other things that are going on, the writers/producers/powers-that-be develop the relationship between Cas and Dean. The subtext is romantic: long lingering looks, hugs that last a little too long to be strictly platonic, and on and on and on and on. If the two characters involved were male and female, it would be obvious that the writers were building a slow burn romance between them. But they weren’t. They were both male. So at the same time as the powers that be were clearly hinting at a romance between the two, the official line was that there was no romance, it was strictly platonic, they were just good friends, yada yada yada, ignore the man behind the curtain. And one thing that was really significant was that one of the characters, Dean, was written as the classic, archetypical American male, someone who loved guns, fast cars, hot chicks, junk food, and rock and roll, so CLEARLY it COULDN’T be a GAY relationship. Throughout the years, the storylines would take the relationship right to the brink of being canon and then drag it back. Over and over and over again. The show began to be accused of queerbaiting, and for good reason.

Fast forward (and I’m sorry I’m making this so long, but bear with me), and we’re at the last few episodes of the last season, and Cas unequivocally declares that he’s in love with Dean. Destiel is now literal, actual canon. Less than two minutes later, Cas is killed. It’s a common trope known as “bury your gays”, the idea that if you’ve got a good, openly gay character in a show, they always get killed off. Actually, I have a hunch that with Cas dying like a minute and a half after coming out of the closet, Supernatural may have set a new landspeed record in that trope. Anyway, Cas is dead, Dean is seen grieving, and then, despite the close relationship that Cas had with all the remaining characters, he’s basically not mentioned in the last two episodes. It was like he hadn’t existed. Fans were rightfully pissed, and not just the Dean x Cas shippers. It wasn’t fair to the character, it wasn’t fair to the storyline, it certainly wasn’t fair to the actor who portrayed Castiel, it just was a bad scene all around.

And then came the finale, imho the worst episode of the entire series and possibly the worst finale in the history of finales. (One person’s opinion, please don’t @ me, lol.) Although I know not everyone agrees, a huge portion of the fandom was very, let’s say, disappointed with the series conclusion. And these days, when fans are disappointed in canon, they don’t take it sitting down. As AO3 and tumblr can attest to, fans will take matters in their own hands and rewrite it as they see fit. In this case, to give Dean and Cas some kind of happy ending.

And that’s basically what happened. Only some of the fans were a little bit more famous than the ordinary person sitting at home watching the CW. A few weeks ago, on Dean Winchester’s birthday, one former cast member (I think it was Felicia Day but don’t quote me because I couldn’t find the original tweet) wished Dean a happy birthday on twitter and said she knew he and Cas were happy together in heaven. The fandom went nuts. Then less than a week ago, two different former cast members, Chad Lindberg and Samantha Ferris, began tweeting in character about the reopening of the Roadhouse (a bar and grill in the early seasons of Supernatural) and talking about taking bookings for weddings and other events, along with a discussion of stuff going on on Valentine’s Day. The fandom ran with it, and the idea that Dean and Cas were getting married in the Roadhouse on Valentine’s Day took on a life of its own. And trended pretty high on twitter today, too.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question. Sorry this was so long, but I write 100k word fics regularly because I obviously don’t know how to edit down. ;)

#asks #spn #destiel wedding

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hopeymchope · 4 years

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Magia Record: Reflecting on the Anime and the Game’s Story Ending

With Magia Record's story now complete in-game and with the anime "finished" (only the first season, but it took until literally this past weekend for the production team at Shaft to acknowledge that the second season is coming/inevitable), I have like… a ton of thoughts about where the game and the anime landed.

This will probably mostly be gripes, but overall, I'm still pretty happy with both. I've invested my past year into Magia Record during a lot of my free time, and hey – no regrets here. That game was absolutely worth the experience. The anime? Jury's still out somewhat, but it looks good so far.

This is definitely a normal thing to find surrounding a radio tower.

Anime Adaptation Thoughts:

The original Madoka Magica anime made the world feel slightly off-kilter by employing locations that were just a little off the rails from reality. The producers noted Madoka's bathroom as an important example; it's simply too large and has too much wasted space. It's maybe the biggest room in their house for no discernible reason, and that's by design, because it feels wrong. Another one was the music store we see in the first episode, where the technology is noticeably on a level that you just can't find in any real shop. On the flip side, the Magia Record anime creates a world that is deeply bizarre in many ways – much moreso than the original anime or the Magia Record game world. This is probably because the creator of the witch designs in the original was given far more creative control over the series as a whole this time around, and the result was BUGNUTS. Take note of the massive stack of discarded school desks that is arranged in a dangerous, precarious pile atop the school building (helpfully labeled as a waste pile, despite the fact that… well, who is picking up these garbage desks from the goddamn roof?). That's some imagery straight out of a witch's labyrinth, but it is ostensibly "reality." I think that's where Magia Record's anime really goes bugnuts, sometimes to powerful effect in that it makes things feel more unsettling… and sometimes to ridiculous effect. I mean, the field surrounding the radio tower now being replaced with a yard of jagged, cockeyed, towering gravestones and cross-like woodwork dangling with ropes and tridents? That's a LOT. That's… that's too much.

Look, if you were a die-hard fan of Kaede in the game, I am deeply sorry, because your girl got done DIRTY by the anime. Anyone who played the game who then sees where she winds up at the end of episode 12 is likely on a train straight to Double-You Tee Eff Station. I can't deny that it makes sense for the limited story she's given to develop across, but it was still disappointing to see. I suppose we don't really have the time to develop up all of the other characters from the game, so somebody had to sub in for this role… but oof.

Sana's backstory with her family is not nearly explained or explored enough in the show. I honestly think it comes off as confusingly unclear why they treated her like this or why they didn't notice her vanish at all. The game justifies this devastatingly well, but it feels like it's not clear at all here.

I think they could've had Kyubey run around Kamihama for part of the first season before he got ousted/blocked, and I think it would've been beneficial to do so. Now, that's not just because I love his character and find him fascinating, although that's definitely true, but it's also because there's so much exposition that I wish he could deliver to the characters about what's happened before we got here. Like, the tragic truth about Felicia's backstory is wonderfully awful, and I wish there was some way to deliver that into the anime, but I don't think it's possible without a ton of flashbacks. (And to be fair, players of the game may never know it without playing her particular Magical Girl Story.)

The change to not having Mami attack Yachiyo when they first meet was something I felt was a positive move. I loved that Mami got to have a moment she never had in the game during the Radio Tower arc, too. In generally, I enjoyed the slower, more piecemeal involvement of the original Holy Quintet, which has served as nice slow tease compared to having them be more upfront in the game. I did kind of miss the Madoka/Homura involvement in the radio tower case, but I ultimately came away feeling like it was better to save those two for later in the story because they're probably the best-known characters from the original series.

The combat soundtrack is exquisite - maybe better than ever before, honestly. The Magia Record anime has the best fight music in the series outside of, say, Rebellion.

Game's Ending Thoughts: (Spoilers Within)

The anime cutscenes in the final chapter are delightful.

Puella Magi has never shied away from having its characters die in the original anime or in the many manga stories. I'd argue that those deaths are at least part of what makes it such a successful subversion of the Magical Girl formula; the threat of death (often via witchiness) establishes the idea of there being permanent consequences that simple hope and faith and love can't overcome in spite of what those other anime may have told you. On the other hand, Magia Record turns out to have very close to zero consequences. Aside from established deaths from flashbacks that have occurred before the game even begins, by the end of the game, literally no one dies. Not even the most blatantly psychotic character is allowed to shuffle off her mortal coil; she just "disappears" and escapes. I particularly like (please note the sarcasm) how three different characters do some kind of "super-move" during the final two chapters that is said to most likely kill them, and yet they all survive them! At least ONE character winds up with some paralysis, but jeez, the others walk away completely unscathed. I can only hope the anime doesn't go quite so weak in the knees about any of the characters suffering actual consequences from the potentially-world-ending-level battles that occur.

I previously griped that I actually expected the psychos responsible for the entire storyline to get off scot-free, and although they don't get off 100% free and clear by the time the credits role, they come extremely close to doing so. However, I was really happy with the "Cherry Blossom Dreams" epilogue event, because there is dialogue in there that has the Magius admit that whatever guilt they have now, they are still capable of being complete sociopaths who want to dominate the Earth. That one person's presence (Ui) shouldn't be (and isn't) enough to keep them from being incredibly dangerous. Ultimately, the solution/punishment they receive is probably the best one available in light of their overall survival. Well done.

Speaking of the Magius, I mean… is it really possible that so many feathers never questioned that they were following a couple of 11/12-year-olds and one blatantly obvious psychotic? I guess having face time with the Magius was pretty rare, but there was still enough that some of the feathers declared their allegiance was primarily to those three above all else. And most magical girls range closer to 16 than to 11, I mean, y'know? Which is practically an eternity in terms of maturity. So I guess MIfuyu did a lot of heavy lifting on NOT making them seem like absolutely the worst possible choices for leadership, huh? (And for that reason: Mifuyu got off fucking LIGHT.)

Aaaand speaking of "one obvious psychotic," I find it funny how almost nobody knows Alina outside of her Magius role except for Karin. Because, just… it's so perfect. Karin (who is not a "Karen") happens to be the most insanely tolerant person when it comes to Alina. She seems to shrug off Alina's entire everything as amusing, forgivable quirks. Perhaps because so many people believe Karin's own obsession with Halloween is a weirdly morbid quirk, Karin doesn't even question Alina's obsession with making art about death using actual human remains. Which is… funny? No, seriously. I think it's legitimately comedic in a good way. But it should probably be much more alarming to me that she doesn't care. I'd like to think that Karen feels it's just delightfully Halloween-y for Alina to paint her canvas with legit blood, and I do believe Karin isn't really the kind of person who would ask where the blood came from because whatever, it's probably fine, better get back to planning my pageant or something. She probably even thinks Alina's skulls are plastic Halloween decorations. :P

We need to talk about Mami: Mami in "Another Story Chapter 9" felt so off and out-of-character compared to how she was written in things like Rebellion or A Different Story or Wraith Arc, and furthermore, despite that chapter being entirely about Mami wanting to just be a simple peer with no superiority over the rest of the Holy Quintet, Another Story Chapter 10 has her immediately revert back to being the smart senpai character, further cementing how weirdly "off" Chapter 9 felt. I realize they had something difficult to write, here, though. It's painful how Sayaka has to run middlewoman between Kyoko and Mami in Chapter 10 of AS. I feel like I could write a whole screed about Kyoko's behavior across the franchise and how difficult a character she is for me to like even though I "get it" and don't think she's necessarily a bad person; she's just living on the edge of being almost a total hypocrite basically ALL THE TIME. The conclusion where Kyoko acknowledges that she's going to continue to work with Mami and the others semi-regularly in spite of everything is really the best closure you can hope for with her. She's too antagonistic to give us much else, and she prefers it that way. It would take years to see her mellow.

At this point, it seems safe to assume that there isn't going to be any "season 2" of the game like what happened with Fate/Grand Order after its finale. The main narrative is well and truly done, and it's just going to be various events from here on out. Is that enough to keep me around? Um. I don't know. Probably not? Hard to say. I don't really know what other mobile game to throw my heart into. I've considered Attack on Titan Tactics, but like… Attack on Titan hasn't been kind to me lately so uhhhhh.

#magia record #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm

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oopssasha · 4 years

Text

A Fan Theory: Larry Stylinson

Dear Sasha

Because you wouldn’t Elsa and let it go. I’m gonna go all out with this once and for all. Quarantine is honestly killing my mind. So might as well do it now.

In this very long multiple-part essay, I will explain why I believe that Harry and Louis have been together for a decade now.

This is part 1: What got me digging into the pit of Larry Stylinson evidence.

I only got into 1D because Louis’s ‘Walls’ album is AMAZING. So I went back and listened to every single song that Louis was credited as one of the songwriters. Guess what, I noticed things. I’m a nerd who’s into music and lyrics interpretation. And I didn’t live under a rock, so I’ve heard about Larry Stylinson before. I just never looked into it because I was too busy being a Swiftie.

When I started listening to 1D, I hit a jackpot with Perfect. (The only 1D released song that Louis and Harry wrote together without other boys) Because I was such a Swiftie, I recognized Style immediately. Same tempo, same key, same chords, same everything. It’s basically a COLLABORATION. I died. DEAD. Instead of Harry and Taylor holding hands in Central Park for paparazzo, Taylor, Harry, and Louis could have been writing more music together!

Here. Listen to this. Then I dare you to say you don’t want more. Fans of both Taylor and 1D were ROBBED.

I knew that Haylor’s Winter Romance was a PR thing because Taylor did not try to hide the fact that it was a PR thing at all. I actually think she resented that she had to do it to promote an album, instead of letting her music speaks for itself. She’s a GREAT MUSICIAN. I’m sorry. I got a bit too worked up about this. All the drama she went through, especially from 1989-reputation, was really difficult to witness. She called 1989 the depiction of what the media wanted her to be. Then she basically dumped the mainstream media with Reputation. “There will be no explanation. Only reputation.” And her AMA performance was the greatest ever “Bye, Felicia!” to her old recording label. And I just love my dramatic Queen, okay.

Back to Larry Stylinson, I can’t unheard what I did in Perfect. So I started digging into the other side of Haylor. And, oh boy. I thought Taylor was unhappy about it. But Harry and Louis looked downright miserable during this time. So devastated that it hurt my heart. God, no wonder Taylor wrote Out of the Wood. It’s basically a gay anthem. Just listen. “...the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming colors.” The most blatant rainbow reference ever and some people still think this song is about a heterosexual relationship, honestly. I used to think it might’ve been about Kaylor (Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift) but nuh uh.

Taylor said OOTW was written for the relationship she was in where the biggest feeling in that whole relationship was anxiety. (Will we, won’t we make it?) She emphasized a lot on how ‘just because it was filled with anxiety all the time doesn’t mean that it wasn’t special.’ God, imagine being in her shoes, in a PR relationship, holding hands with a heartbroken boy who isn’t allowed to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public. It broke my heart to pieces. Probably broke Taylor’s, too. (You remember how I wrote another detailed essay on this before, yeah?)

My next stop was music written by Harry and/or Louis, obviously. That’s the playlist you wrote plot bunny about. You could write an entire plot of a romance novel, exclusively from their songs. And damn it, even the songs Harry/Louis wrote for someone else to sing are still obviously their own story. I’m talking about Blackbear’s CHANGES (It’s sad but true, can’t be in love with you = the forced closeting), Ariana Grande’s Just a Little Bit of Your Heart (I know I’m not your only, but at least I’m one. = the bearding), Alex & Sierra’s (You ran your finger down my back and you spelled out your name. = all the times they were hiding their affectionate gestures behind their backs. And other boys’ back. Honestly, they were being sneaky. But it’s something you can’t unsee. And once I saw it, I started seeing everywhere. I’ll give you examples, you’ll see.)

After the music, I arrived at the figurative tattoo parlor. I went there next because Harry and Louis have far too many suspiciously complementary tattoos. (Hi-Oops, Ship-Compass, Anchor-Rope, Heart-Arrow, Rose-Dagger, A Small Cage-Flying Little Birds, Butterfly-‘It Is What It Is’, I can’t change-a blank quotation) Taylor was there when Harry got his ship tattoo, at the same place where Louis got his compass tattoo within the next 24 hours. According to the tattoo artist, Harry said, “We’re always on the road. But my heart is at home and I want a ship.” Meanwhile, instead of pointing toward North like a regular compass, Louis’s compass points to HOME. I absolutely think Taylor wrote I Know Places for them. Again, listen. “Loose lips sink ship all the damn time, not this time.” And do you know what this song reminds me of? 1D’s Something Great. Why? Louis’s lines in Something Great, the last four, completely deviate from the rest of the song. The last four in I Know Places did the same thing.

“You’re all I want”

“They takes their shots but we’re bulletproof”

“So much it’s hurting.”

“And you know for me it’s always you.”

“You’re all I want”

“In the dead of night, your eyes so green”

“So much it’s hurting.”

“And I know for you it’s always me.”

They sounded like a shift in perspective to me. The difference was that in Something Great it was just a melodic line, a plea from one person to another. But in I Know Places, the chorus stayed, as a witness.

Taylor was a Larrie. There. I said it.

When 1D was asked about the stories behind their tattoos, Louis always dodged the question by saying something along the line of, “People always think it has to mean something when it could’ve meant nothing at all. It’s just a tattoo.” But recently on a radio show, he talked about the time a fan asked him to write something on her arm so she could get it tattooed, he asked her what she wanted him to write and she said, “I don’t know!” And Louis’s shook. “To be fair, love. It’s a lot of pressure for me. You’re gonna have this on your body for the rest of your life and you’re just saying to me, ‘Write anything.’ It’s difficult.”

So, the same Louis Tomlinson got several prominent tattoos (a stag, a compass, a dagger) which will be on his body for the rest of his life with absolutely no meanings at all. Quite a few (little birds, quotation marks under his rope) that he couldn’t remember why he got it. The compass was the strangest thing. He seemed to have spent a lot of time looking at it, for something with no meaning behind it at all. And, “It points to home. Isn’t that sweet?”

Boobear, you’re not fooling anybody.

Honestly, the tattoos are enough to convince me that Harry and Louis, at the very least, were together for quite a long while. At least from the start of 1D to 1D going on Hiatus. Just look.

First Day of 1D: Louis jumped into Harry’s arms. Harry attempted to twirl them unsuccessfully.

Last Day of 1D before Hiatus: Harry held Louis’s arm behind Niall’s back (This was very much a recurring theme throughout their time in 1D.)

Here’s an exhibition of ‘See it Once, See it Always’

Sir Ian McKellen & One Direction on the Graham Norton Show: Louis was sitting very awkwardly here. At first glance, it seemed like he wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible. But look at his leg. Just look. Louis kept his right leg there, touching Harry’s left leg throughout the whole interview. There were some comments in this video that went on about how Louis was being so mean to Harry. And I’m like, please look before you pass judgement. But I’ve got the benefit of hindsight is 20/20 and hearing Louis sings about Princess Park, so. They were definitely very much in love here.

Night Changes performance on this show was just Harry’s serenading Louis. Watch the video and just look at the way Louis smiled back. He’s so happy. It’s adorable. Zayn and Niall were absolutely trying not to fangirl here. In fact, let me make a meme out of this.

Come on, when you know, you know.

Before heading to Part 2, you should watch this first. Chely Wright is a lesbian country musician. She was in a closet for a long time. It was a difficult experience for her and a heartbreaking bedtime story for me.

Will edit the link to part 2 in when I post it.

Good night now Sasha

Del

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trashinaglass-archive · 5 years

Text

Black Cat

Y/n is cast as Black Cat and Tom is excitedly nervous.

Request: Hey love, could you do one about the reader being an actress and landing the role of Black Cat. This is announced at comic con at the Spider-Man panel and Tom Holland getting all flustered and immeadiately falling for her plus people teasing about the Black cat/spidey relationship. This is long but thanks💖

A/n: I love being called love omg

I’m not the most knowledgeable about the female superheros, and I really thought Black Cat was Batman’s girl person. Turns out they’re two different people completely. Wow.

So I saw online that Felicia Hardy has been portrayed for Andrew Garfield’s movie, but I didn’t see where the actual Black Cat has been portrayed so I’m assuming this would be the first? Let me know if I’m wrong.

You watched from backstage as the cast of Spider-Man were doing a panel at the San Diego Comic Con. They were going to be announcing the big news today. You were going to be playing Felicia Hardy, also known as Black Cat. You were so excited to be portraying such an amazing character, and you couldn’t wait for everyone to see you as her.

“So, many of you may or may not know, there’s some buzz going around about a possible new character,” the moderator began to talk to the panel. “Jon- can you tell us what is going on at Marvel Studios? What is the latest news?” You began to feel excited and nervous, wanting to see the fans reaction.

“Well,” Jon began. “There have been many rumors about a new character joining our cast. And it’s true- we have been able to expand and welcome a new character that hasn’t been portrayed before and we’re so excited to welcome....” he paused for dramatic effect. “Y/n to portray Black Cat,” he finally said as a picture of you in costume came up on the big screen.

The crowd went wild. It was overwhelming to see so much support and love, and you hadn’t even done anything yet. You watched the panel as they all looked excited as well- they were kept in the dark for many reasons also.

You took this as your que to show your face. You walked up to the curtain that sat behind the panel, poking your head out. Many fans began to cheer as they saw you.

“Well, speak of the devil,” the moderator said joking. “Welcome our new Black Cat, y/n!” You walked into the stage and greeted the cast before sitting at the end of the table. “How are you today, y/n?”

“I’m amazing. Today has been so overwhelming- it’s great,” you answered him.

“What was it like for you to get this part? You ready to be apart of the Spider-Man world?”

“Hell yes,” you said quickly. “I grew up reading the comics and watching the Spider-Man shows, and I loved it. I’m so grateful that I get to portray such a great character.”

“Have you been able to meet our boy yet?” The moderator asked as he gestured to Tom, who had been watching you the entire time.

“Not yet,” you replied before turning to Tom. “Hi, Tom.”

“Hi, y/n,” he said back with the cutest smile. You laughed before the moderator pulled the panel’s attention toward the fans for questions. You finished the panel and headed backstage, seeing Tom in his green room speaking to a fan that had gotten backstage privileges.

You watched them interact until the fan left, and you grabbed Tom’s attention.

“Hey, Tom,” you said making him jump slightly. “Sorry.”

“No! It’s fine, don’t worry worry about it. Um, hi,” he said really quickly. You face scrunched in confusion at his reaction.

“Okay,” you chuckled. “I just wanted to know if we could maybe hang out some time- get to know each other before filming?”

“Yeah, that would be awesome. We should definitely do that,” he told you. “Do you want to go grab some coffee or something?”

“That would be great,” You said with a nod and he led you out the building to a nearby coffee shop, chatting along the way.

You chatted about almost everything- how you both got cast, how you loved the comics, your passions and hobbies. He even told you many stories about his family. You loved hearing how he talked about his brothers and parents. They were obviously super close and it was so sweet to listen to.

“I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve blabbered on about my entire life’s story,” Tom said with a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mean to bore you with all that- I don’t know why I brought up my parents in the first place.”

“No, it was really cute. Don’t worry about it,” you reassured him. You watched as he looked away from you, blushing.

“So what about you? How did you get into the comics?” He asked you, turning the conversation away from him.

“I grew up with it. My dad was a big fan and it kind of just grew on me,” you told him. “I never could have imagined I’d be chosen to play Black Cat, though. It still hasn’t processed.”

“Well if it’s anything like I’ve experienced, it never will fully process. I’ve done five movies now, and I still can’t believe I’m Spider-Man, you know? But it’s the best experience ever. You’ll love it- you’ll do amazing.”

“Thanks. I’ve been really nervous because I don’t want to mess it up. Especially since she hasn’t really been put to film before,” you told Tom while playing with the rings you were wearing.

“I’d think you’re crazy if you weren’t nervous, that’s normal. As long as you love it and you do the best you can do, then you’re doing your job right. Not everyone will be satisfied and not everyone will love you, but if you do it in a way that you love and you are satisfied with, that’s all that matters.”

You smiled at Tom as you took in his words. “You’re really good at this, you know that?”

“I try my best,” Tom said before pulling out his phone that was ringing. “Sorry, I have to take this.” He walked away as he answered his phone.

You didn’t know what you expected from Tom, but he was such an amazing guy. He was so sweet and kind and down to earth- you were definitely beginning to feel infatuated with him.

He walked back to where he left you. “Sorry about that, they need me back at the con- are you going back?”

“No, I had some other stuff to do today,” you told him. You felt sad that your time together was coming to a close, but you were confident you would see him again soon.

“Alright, well. Can I, um, get your number? Maybe we can do this again?” He suggested. You got the feeling he felt the same as you.

“Yeah, definitely,” you said and he handed you his phone. You quickly added your number to a new contact and handed it back to him. “I had fun, thanks for coming with me.”

“Absolutely, it was lovely. I’m sorry it got cut short,” Tom said.

“Don’t worry about it. Have fun at the con. And don’t be shy- call me whenever!” You told him as you departed from the coffee shop, him yelling back that he would. You felt like a teenager that had talked to her first crush in high school. You couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off your face, but then again, you didn’t really want to.

// Tom pov //

“Show up when you feel like it,” Zendaya said teasingly as she saw Tom approaching the table of actors.

“Sorry, I was with y/n.”

“Were you? Little romance in our future?” Jacob also teased.

“What, no,” Tom said exaggeratingly while laughing before he stopped. “But hopefully, yeah.”

“You really like her, don’t you?” Zendaya asked, seeing how he was acting.

“She’s just amazing,” Tom began to gush over you. “She’s kind, funny, patient, gorgeous. Her laugh is the best thing I’ve ever heard, and her smile? She’s perfect.”

Jacob and Zendaya exchanged a look as they watched one of their best friends so in love. They were really happy for him, and they couldn’t wait to properly meet you.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader

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eagles-translated · 4 years

Note

Do you see a future for Elias and Amie? Do you think Elias can forgive her?

Sorry for being so late on answering this!

To answer your question, I do believe that Elias will forgive Amie - after all, it’s a TV show and the story needs to move forward.

From a character perspective, we know Elias is pretty protective of his sister and he’s obviously not very fond of Ludde so I think apologizing is going to be pretty hard for him. But at the same time, he’s not entirely related to the situation. It’s not like he’s the one who was let down (Felicia is definitely the one I’m more worried about considering she was betrayed by both her best friend and boyfriend).

While Amie didn’t intend to hurt anyone and only seemed to hook up with Ludde because they were drunk and she wanted to have some fun, Elias will see how much of an effect it had on Felicia and probably be very cautious around Amie. It’s a pretty weird situation to be in as well - Elias had somewhat of a small crush on Amie but if he pursues anything now he’s the guy who has a thing with the girl that hooked up with his sister’s ex-boyfriend which led to her being ostracized and humiliated in front of all her classmates.

It’s a difficult subject matter so I’m incredibly excited to see how they’ll resolve this plotline! It was definitely an unexpected turn of events and this hook-up has pretty much shaken up things for all of the characters.

Also, as a fan of the Elias and Amie pairing I’m praying that they’ll resolve things and that their relationship will go further in the new season. :)

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yvaquietdays · 5 years

Text

Deciding to be happy.

Sometimes meditation doesn’t work. Sometimes being mindful of your downfalls doesn’t work. Sometimes yoga doesn’t work. Sometimes writing doesn’t work. It’s a little hard for me to describe how I’ve been feeling the last month or so. Of course I’m going to try, that’s why I write a blog. *sly face* So I’ve talked about cycles before. Being aware of the small turnovers of life makes the every day manageable; being aware of how our emotions and vibrations fluctuate certainly makes everything seem a little less daunting.

I’ve been conscious that I’m entering a new cycle of my life. I’m not so far away from turning 28, an age I’m told is the beginning of the fourth cycle in life. And whether you buy into the hokey-pokey, it makes sense if you suspend your disbelief for a moment. Apparently you have the first 7 years, the years of your childhood and innocence, of unadulteratingly questioning and experiencing the world you live in. Then the second stage, taking you to 14, where you’re contemplating adulthood and experiencing massive physiological changes and all the outcomes of that. Then to 21, where all the shit hits the fan and explodes outwards all over you and the people in your life. I’ve been dealing with the proverbial shit of this third cycle for a while, experiencing existential fear and anxiety for the first time, sorting through the people in my life, assessing how I relate and love, seeing my familial relationships through new eyes, shaving off the bits of me I don’t like. Essentially, the un-conditioning of myself and becoming a new person.

The last time my life seem to change, there were signals. Life threw me signs that I was about to turn things upside down for a bit. I emotionally and spiritually gave up on London and I lost two friends to the music industry; its hold over all of us to get as much out of our creative outputs as possible (i.e money). This is important enough to mention because it damaged me a lot. It affected my trust with people and I felt so betrayed and let down. I’ve made my peace with them and with the situation, but I’ve learned from it, because at the time, it was just another knife in the side, and I didn’t want it happening again. From that point though, I headed steadily downhill somewhere close to the bottom, where I was thinking of jacking it in altogether. I considered going into property with my savings and my Dad. I considered opening a home-brew shop with my partner, who really was my anchor when I was close to floating off unmoored. I didn’t though, because my other anchor was my own spirit, the relentless resilience I seem to have inherited, that I’m sure I don’t deserve; my music and my innate and absolute desire to howl at the moon. Nitin played a huge part in getting me through this phase. Had I not worked with him, I might have forgotten how important singing was to me. He was a kind of the lifeboat that kept me chugging along in the rougher waters for a while; I was desperately unhappy but those days of rehearsals, shows, and being involved in the dance piece were all life rings that I could swim to and gradually get closer to solid ground. At this point, I believe I was shedding off the things I didn’t need to prepare myself for this next stage.

And this time, I’ve also lost two friends. I’m not going into any great detail about this, only that I believe it was for the best and ultimately the whole experience told me a lot about the people in my life, who I am, and what I stand for. It had a lot to do with how I’ve allowed people to take advantage of me for too long. This ties into one of my previous blogposts about saying sorry and not wanting to rock the boat. I have been conditioned to be nice and I am actively changing this. I have Jameela Jamil to thank for opening my eyes and forcing me to see that it doesn’t make me difficult or manipulative to call out the truth and stand strongly within it. They ended up deleting me from their life because of it. But I hated the entire situation. It hurt. Needless to say it had a big affect on me. That combined with new opportunities taking a while to come to fruition seemed to trigger my anxiety and low mood for the first real time since I wasn’t well. It brought back a lot of bad feelings about inadequacy, self-doubt and the need for external validation that I’ve worked so bloody hard on eradicating.

Validation is the key word here. I believe it is what most of us struggle with going into our adult lives. I’ve worked very hard to not rely on other people’s voices to bolster my own self-esteem. I’ve done my soul-work, I only listen to my own. I’ve learned to tell the ignorant slut (pls read past post re this: it’s what I call my anxiety) in my mind to shut up when she’s being unkind. But over the last few weeks and returning from LA, which now seems like a dream, the voice has elbowed its way in and I’ve allowed it to have an affect on me. I’m waiting; waiting like I did before, waiting for good feedback, waiting for someone else to come at me with the next opportunity. Stagnant. Waiting for the world, looking for someone to blame.

So what the fuck am I doing? I mean, really. I have been arranging my own sessions, writing my book and flirting with a second, being open and vulnerable about my talent and about my humanness. I’ve been rocking it.

But recently, the difference was that I was doing my yoga, not practising it. I was forcing myself to set an intention of success, orienting everything around my goals. I meditated just to check it off the list. But you can’t apply mindfulness with brute force, with a shotgun to the head and your arm twisted behind your back. What I was doing went hand in hand with the thought that, “If I don’t, I will fail.” Before I knew it, I was telling myself I wasn’t worth it. I’m not creative. I don’t have any ideas. I don’t have an emotional scale. I feel nothing about anything. Have a baby, do something else. You don’t belong in that world (LA). You don’t know who you are. You’re not passionate enough about your art. You’re not passionate about anything. Why is nobody getting back to you? You’re forgettable. It’s because you’re not assertive enough. They deleted you because you meant nothing to them. They didn’t apologise to you because they don’t value you.

The rabbit hole is deep and it is wide. Once you’re on that slope, it seems pre-destined that you’ll end up at the bottom before you even notice you slipped. But I noticed. I’ve my best mate and flatmate to thank for a conversation that made me realise what I was doing, ‘cos I was feeling pretty low there for a minute. The truth is that it takes real mental effort and strain to drag yourself up the mud slide back to even ground. When I was feeling pretty bad, I used to dream about doing the same thing over, and over, and over again and never reaching a resolution. I dreamt that I was at the bottom of the muddy bank and I could not get to the top where the grass was still green. So doing yoga and meditating over and over to force wellness doesn’t work. Negativity does not beget negativity. You have to accept your feelings and do the work to counter-argue with yourself in a gentle and loving way. I am worth it. I am creative. I feel everything, that’s why it hurts. I know who I am, more than ever. I’d be a great mum, but if I have a baby now I’ll probably forget about it and leave it in the washing basket. I am passionate. I am open and patient, and I trust that things will work out. I am hardworking. And they deleted you because they didn’t value you. That says more about them than you, you stone cold, lovely, bad ass bitch.

Bye felicia.

I am entering a new chapter of my life soon, and I feel my world shifting to allow for it. It isn’t waiting if I regain control and organise my life. Just because someone is giving you an opportunity doesn’t mean that the work is done. It means that you’re just getting started, and you have to work, now more than ever.

Last week I wrote a song on the guitar. This has not happened in a long time. I was consuming a lot of emotional TV (Queer Eye, k thnks), and I was inspired to assess my own mental health. I got complacent, and the doubt got in. It never really goes away, and just because I was feeling better there for a hot minute in LA, doesn’t mean that the work is done. It continues. Always. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I’m missing something vital because I looked to others to tell me what I’m worth. Everyone else wants as much as possible for themselves. If that means cheapening you so that they’re worth more; that is what they will do. Know. Your. Own. Worth. ‘Cos even your friends will undervalue you.

Self doubt waits at the door, constantly. It wants to be let in, but you keep it at bay. You nod to it, but you don’t allow it across the threshold.

After I recorded the song idea into my phone, I sobbed. Hard. I cried my eyes out. And then I was done. I let the tears come out, unbidden, because I needed to feel it. I think I needed to remember the power of that musical release, why I do what I do. Sure, I’m not like other musicians or singers. Maybe I am depressing, but I’m communicating something that is honest and what we all go through. I am me. And that is enough. It doesn’t matter, all that other stuff. It doesn’t. What matters is how I feel about my music.

I’m getting to my conclusion, I promise. I meditated earlier this week, and the lovely Andy Puddicomb at Headspace told me to see my mind as the sky. Behind all the clouds, there is always a blue horizon. Just like when you’re on a plane and you finally get above the candy cotton clouds, and in your head you do a little Peter Pan style bounce across them. There’s a soft kind of release I get when I see that. Peace and quiet. Space and breath. Everything else; feelings, thoughts, how we dress, what the world might think...they’re the clouds. When I feel low, my mind seems like an overcast horizon that will not break. An endless, grey, unfeeling cloud of bleak whatever. When I feel good, it’s a summers sky with fluffy white clouds rolling through; you know they won’t stay forever. Meditating is grounding, and reminding yourself with nothing more complicated than breathing that your default setting is a vast blue sky. Warm and peaceful. It might even feel like nothing, but that’s ok too. Everything else is temporary. Clouds are impermanent. The sky is always clear.

So this is my point. I set my intention that day to have a good day.

Enjoy the little details, enjoy my trial shift at the cafe, enjoy the look on southerners faces when I have a bit of craic with them. Enjoy cooking, enjoy the process, enjoy the walk between here and there, the blossoms, the warmth of the sun on my face. Choose happiness. Choose the blue sky. Decide to be positive. It’s not always easy, and maybe it doesn’t always work. After all, life throws us curveballs and it hurts to get whacked in the face, but it’s a damn sight better than choosing to be an arsehole about it. Try it.

Decide to be happy.

xxx

#mentalhealthawareness #Goodmentalhealth #mental health recovery #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealth #livingwithanxiety #low mood #mentalhealthwarrior #livingwithmentalhealth

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taylorsparklingswift · 7 years

Text

My Taylor Swift story

It was Monday, 9th of October 2017. Me and my European group chat had just spent the whole evening freaking out over that Taylor Swift had reached her follow limit on tumblr and that we would never be noticed. I was devastated because I fell in love with Taylor 2008 but had never got noticed before and it made me really sad that she wouldn’t know that I even exist.

I was in the car, my boyfriend was driving me home and we were as usually listening on Taylor Swift and long live came on. The time was 10.14 pm and I was scrolling on tumblr when I out of nowhere received a message from Taylor Nation, I thought it was some cruel joke and checked the URL a million times. When I finally understood that it was the real Taylor Nation I started freaking out, I was just crying and I couldn’t breath, but yeah I think you understand what im talking about. My boyfriend was like omg have Taylor liked something of yours and I was just NO SHE HASN’T LIKED ANYTHING THEY SENT ME A DM. I tried to read the message a hundred times but all I was able to read before freaking out even more was *CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE*. I started answer them like “omg is this a joke? It’s not funny! Please don’t joke with me” And then I was like “in case it is for real, here are my information (I didn’t want to risk anything haha). When I realized what it could be and it may be serious I called my mom immediately and she honestly thought that we had been in a car accident or something like that because I was crying so much and she couldn’t hear what I was trying to say. I managed to say that there was nothing bad that had happened, but that I had gotten a DM from Taylor Nation. My mon tried to make me more calm and told me that we could talk when I was home (I was literally two minutes from my home but I couldn’t wait to tell my parents until I came home.

When I came home I started trying to explain everything to my parents and I must say that they were really suspicious. I showed them the 1989 secret sessions video and started crying again.

Fasten forwards to later the same night. I was just on my way to my bed when I at 11:09 pm got a call from New York, and I answered. This woman from Taylor Nation (sorry I don’t remember your name, it was so much happening at once) presented herself and explained everything, Taylor had been noticing me on tumblr and seen how much I love her and how much I care about other swifties and asked if I could travel to London that Friday (Friday 13th) for a secret event. She told me that I could take someone close to me with me so I didn’t have to travel alone, and for me I felt like the safest thing would be to take my boyfriend with me who also likes Taylor and always supports me loving her. They also told me that they had seen my post on tumblr with him and I explained that we had been freaking out in our group chat that Taylor never would notice us now that she has reached her follow limit. She just started laughing and told me that both Taylor and Taylor Nation are really good at lurking fans without them knowing it. AAHHHH WHAT HAVE THEY SEEN?!?! Our conversation went towards the end and I gave her my email so she could sent me more information.

I was shaking the whole time I talked to her and as soon as we hung up I called my boyfriend and told him everything, the only thing he answered was “you do know that your passport has expired right?” Imagine how I started freaking out when he reminded me of that. But I was determined that I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. I couldn’t sleep all night, I was shaking so much and I felt really sick. Rest of the week I just booked everything and was freaking out like all the time and I couldn’t eat or sleep the whole week and I couldn’t tell anyone expect my parents. LIKE IMAGINE GETTING INVITED TONA SECRET EVENT THAT YOU KNEW WERE PROBABLY SECRET SESSION. Still dying over that….

Fasten forwards to Friday 13th.

I started getting ready like 4 hours before we were leaving to get to the meeting point ( a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do). To get there we had to take 2 trains and bus nr 13 that stopped outside our meeting point (coincidence? Don’t think so). We were there an hour and half early but there were some people there early too and I met @lovingherisred13 and @shakeitoff6202 who I had been talking to before and I was so shocked but happy to see them there.

After a while we got in a line to register and TN was like “hi I’m so glad you could make it!” And then turned to my boyfriend and was just like “oh you must be Martin, Felicia’s boyfriend!” and I died. We got these bracelets that said United Kingdom in reputation front. We went downstairs to leave our stuff and we also had to wait there until we were going on the bus to a secret location. Me, my boyfriend, Bea and Morgen all got on the second bus and we were all saying together all night and freaked out together.

But okey okey, the bus stopped outside this enormous house that we were going in to, there were more security checks and after that we started mingling with everyone and eat all the wonderful food in her kitchen, she had M&M that said REP and also bisques with REP on them, olives, cheese (the best cheese ever), chicken tenders and much more. We talked to Scott and he gave us guitarpics (what a dream!). Taylors mom and Tree and some other people suddenly came down the stairs and told us to go sit in her living room, so we did that and then after a little while of freaking out when we say the chair in the front middle, the goddess Taylor Swift walked in looking like a sexy angel and she sat down and she was like “Hi guys, I’m Taylor” and yes I died, right there, died. She told us that she had handpicked all of us and that she as been lurking all of us for one year and that she had screenshots of our post that she sent to Taylor Nation. She played us the entire album and told us every detail behind every song and what’s to come. All the time she was just her beautiful, precious, sexy, dorky self, and several times during the evening she just looked straight in my eyes and just smiled (and yes I died, right there, again). When she was done she told us that we were going to meet her in pairs in another room and while we were waiting we got to look in the magazines and talk to Taylor Nation. (So awesome!)

When it was me and my boyfriends turn to meet her, I walked in the room and was just in shook that she was there, like she was there, she was (is) a human being for real (no I hadn’t processed that during the whole evening). She say that and just walked up to me fast and just gave me the longest biggest and best hug ever, the kind of hug your mom would give you if she haven’t seen you in 9 years, and I was like this is it, I’m gonna die. And in the hug she told me that she was so happy to finally meet me. When the hug was over she was like “Oh my gosh you have the exact same hair as me, that’s so crazy”, and we talked about that. And then she hugged my boyfriend and thanked him for coming with me and for always supporting me support her. I told her that I’m so incredibly happy to see that she is so happy and she thanked me so much for saying that and said that she knew I was happy too (and looked at my boyfriend) and that she was so happy for me too, and then we hugged again.

I asked her if she could sign my emergencypassport, that I bought just for that trip and she was like I’m so sorry but I cant do that because of rules, I really wish I could! And she hugged me again. And then she told me some stuff about the album that she didn’t tell earlier (but ofc I can’t tell you what) and we hugged again and then we took a picture all three of us and I asked if I could get a picture alone with her and she was like “yes of course sweetie!” And we hugged again. It was then our turn to leave and we said goodbye and I told her that I loves her and she told me that she loves me back and we hugged again for the hundredth time. When I got out I was so shaken up and in shook and I think her mom saw that because she just walked up to me and hugged me and told me that Taylor loves me and that she is so thankful that all us swifties always supports her. She also said that my hair was just like Taylors and I told her that Taylor said the same thing and we just talked for about 10 minutes before Tree told us that it was time for us to go downstairs and wait for our bus. Downstairs in her like gym we where all freaking out and sobbing and yeah…

Then we had to go to the bus and we got a bag with merch and on the bus everyone was like in shook and when we got back to our meeting point all our social media exploded as we told everyone what just had happened.

And that was the best evening in my entire life!

Thank you so much @taylorswift and @taylornation for this incredible and wonderful night. It was truly the most amazing night of my life. I’m just so happy that I got too meet the one person who I have been looking up to for 9 years and who always makes me wanna be a better person. I love you so much Taylor and I just wanted you to know that I’m forever grateful! ✨🌻💛

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kingofattolia · 6 years

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a list of things about Star Wars: The Last Jedi

TLJ felt like watching two completely separate movies. .. . one i deliriously LOVED and one i spit upon and shake its profane dust off my sandals

THE GOOD

“ive got an urgent message for General Hux” “YOUR REBELLION IS DOOMED” “yeah... im holding for General Hux”

it straight up took me a minute and a half of this scene to figure out this was actually the start of the movie. it felt like one of those pre-movie skits where it seems like a movie but then anthropomorphic M&Ms tell you to turn your cell phone off. was it just me or were there a LOT more comic moments in TLJ compared to almost every other star wars movie? anyway i loved it even tho it gave the movie a slight someone-made-this-while-high-on-LSD feel

Leia USING THE FORCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

R2 playing Luke the “you’re my only hope” recording of Leia, i almost died

FORCE SHENANIGANS. we saw more powerful, dramatic, and varied uses of the Force in TLJ than we have ever before seen in a live action media and i was L I V I N G

“you’ve closed yourself off from the Force”

Rey and Kylo’s foRCE BOND TALKING like this.. . . is so interesting .. . and it wasn’t only Snoke doing it because they did it again after he’s dead...

Rey lifting 30 giant fricken boulders without even breaking a sweat after having one (1) single “training” session

Kylo remotely activating Anakins lightsaber

projecting himself........ across the entire galaxy. . ..

Yoda. in the former EU the Force ghosts had a non-negotiable expiration date a certain time after their deaths. Obi-Wan couldnt just come back and visit Luke forever, he faded away at some point. is this no longer true??? DOES THIS MEAN ANYONE CAN COME BACK IF THEY WANT??? why was yoda so physical even as a ghost that he could whack luke on the head

summoning lightning like alright this is a new Jedi power im adding to my arsenal

Leia’s mary poppins action

Luke vaulting across the cliff to stab fish

POE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he turned from a kamikaze into a leader who's able to see the big picture and walk away, im so proud

everyone..... messing with Hux...... i loved this

Snoke smacking him into the floor

Kylo smacking him into the wall

Kylo force choking him

slowly taking gun out. . . . . HES AWAKE ABORT ABORT... slowly putting gun back . . . Hux is going spend every waking moment wishing he took that shot

Finn's character arc, like what an awesome Slytherin. the contrast between him and the codebreaker 👌👌👌👌 & where he makes the choice REBEL scum 👌👌👌

LET'S GO, CHROME DOME

i cant believe Phasma died again lol. her backstory novel was SO DRAMATIC and she just dies over and over

when Kylo does that little skid out into the hallway to look for Rey

Chewy breaking down Luke's door

when Luke kisses Leia on the forehead . . . .

kylo KILLING SNOKE I AM LITERALLY SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY. IM SO

this had to happen, it was so obvious but i didnt think they would actually do it, Snoke was so boring and useless, i am SO GLAD they didnt drag him out..... I AM SO HAPPY HES DEAD

it was truly awesome... i couldnt stop grinning it seeing it the 2nd time... "I CANNOT BE BETRAYED, I CANNOT BE BEATEN, I CAN SEE HIS MIND" & then he narrates the entire process of Kylo killing him i was LIVING. everyone theorized for so loooooong and so hard about what form Snoke's control over Kylo took and how it would be possible for him to break it,, , , and then he just DOES IT JUST LIKE THAT by SHEER MISDIRECTION FOLKS I AM SO ALIVE

THE TEAM UP FIGHT

i love lightsaber fights so much i would very nearly give up my critical integrity for a single awesome duel and this was,,, so awesome

when Rey drops her lightsaber to catch it again and cut that guys knees out from under him

when Snoke is cut in half and then the lightsaber rockets towards Kylo and Rey's hand SHOOTS INTO THE FRAME to catch it 👌👌👌

when Kylo takes on FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE

"THE SUPREME LEADER IS DEAD" "long live. . . the supreme leader .. "

not gonna lie, i am such a huge fan of supreme leader!Kylo. CAN HE EVEN LEAD ANYONE??? DOES HE HAVE THE CAPABILITY?? HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? WHAT WILL HIS SELF-DIRECTED MISSION BE? VADER NEVER GOT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ATTACK DOG, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING TO HAPPEN

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SO HYPE TO FIND OUT

THIS IS BRAND NEW

"finn! rose! you're not dead! where's my droid"

the little slave kids from Canto Bight. did the kid at the end use the Force to pull his broom!??!

"that library did not contain anything the girl Rey does not already possess" Yoda thinks hes so funny. REY STOLE THE LIBRARY LMAO... thanks Rey... im glad someone around here has a brain...

the Falcon swooping in to draw off the TIEs on Crait

"OH, THEY HATE THAT SHIP"

Vice Admiral Holdo's lightspeed kamikaze. . . aside from the drama of the moment & making Hux look stupid, just visually it was awesome

absolutely every single thing said by either Hux or Kylo in Kylo's command shuttle above Crait

"i want every gun we have to fire on that man"

"blow that PIECE OF JUNK oUT OF THE SKY"

when kylo's like "concentrate all fire on the speeders" and then Hux immediately shrieks "CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THE SPEEDERS" and Kylo looks at him like 🤔

"do you think you got him?"

when Luke faces Kylo

WHEN LUKE FACES KYLO

this scene makes the movie for me honestly. as of now im in a state of uneasy ceasefire with TLJ and the sequel trilogy as a whole. if the scene of Luke facing Kylo did not exist, TLJ would probably be dead to me

"did you come to SAVE MY SOUL" "no."

absolutely everything about Luke was so completely epic in this scene. even though he barely said anything, even the way he stood was epic. im not sure how Hamill did this but it was everything i ever wanted

"i failed you, Ben. I'm sorry." "i'm sURE YOU ARE"

the contrast between Kylo's fighting stance and Luke's

when Luke steps out from the massive cloud and duSTS OFF HIS SHOULDER

this fills me with so much pure glee i could literally ascend

"if you strike me down in anger, i'll always be with you. like your father."

the slow, dawning horror when Kylo starts realizing Luke's not actually there

"see you around, kid"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

my favorite line in the WHOLE THING i could Scream

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

when Rey slams the door in Kylo's face

THE BAD

Luke should have LIFTED HIS X WING OUT OF THE WATER WITH THE FORCE AT SOME POINT GOSH DARN. i knew from the moment we saw the submerged x wing that this moment was meant to happen.... but then it DIDN’T. like PLEASE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD I NEED TO SEE THIS

the casino subplot. . . it was awesome for Finns character development but couldn’t he have developed character over an actually materially relevant story arc.. . .

BB-8 didn’t fight Dark BB-8 like what the hell honestly

for what earthly reason does Kylo need to wear his pants up to his armpits. is he TRYING to look like a doofus

why wasn't Lando the master codebreaker. like quite frankly, give me one good reason. why. no. there are no good reasons. when is Lando going to come into it you cowards

honestly....... what the FRICK was that horrible backstory behind what caused Kylo to turn

WHAT THE FRICK

im trying to keep my cool but this is a huge, enormous, and vital problem i have with this movie and whoever came up with that should be shot

Luke, in a brief moment of insanity, ignited his lightsaber over his sleeping nephew's bed to assassinate him because of a vision

LUKE SKYWALKER the guy who wouldnt believe that DARTH VADER, ENSLAVER OF WORLDS, SLAUGHTERER OF CHILDREN, MASS MURDERER OF THOUSANDS, was a lost cause and who refused to kill him, TRIED TO KILL HIS APPRENTICE IN HIS SLEEP

like... do you see my problem?

character assassination. it is ludicrously greater-than-Anakin Skywalker levels of overreaction to a Force premonition that Luke would see a vision of darkness and instantly move to slice his sleeping, defenseless nephew in half, and even in Luke's version of the story Luke is legitimatly the bad guy. he brought about the future he was afraid of, just like Anakin

because of this background, every interpretation is blown wide open to reasonably see Kylo as the victim and Luke's actions as those of a villain. of course he had to defend himself? it's legitimately possible to construe the subsequent killing of the other students as self-defense as well. if they wake up to find Ben having "killed" Luke? anything could have happened, Kylo could honestly have done barely anything bad up to this point and have been driven to the dark side on that one night

it's going to take.... so much work.... to walk this back. obviously Kylo's a villain now, because of what he's chosen to do since then, but for Luke to come out of this not looking like trash, they would have to provide SO MUCH more backstory including the "dark" things Kylo had done to make Luke suspect him, and have him probably be actively seeking darkness while under Luke's tutelage. and then Luke still seems like a fool and a betrayor

maybe they WANT Luke to come off as a legitimately bad person? i've seen some interpretations of TLJ as tearing down "legends" by showing everyone as flawed people, teaching the lesson of not deifying people to Rey AND the audience as well. if thats true and they actually want me to believe Luke is not worth believing in, i'm sorry but i reject that

luke skywalker is not a bad person

rey said "you didnt fail Kylo, Kylo failed you" WHICH... its true that Kylo failed in all his actions after this. but if this is the unmitigated truth about what happened that day, Luke definitely failed Kylo, thats not really arguable

i spit this backstory out of my mouth and stomp on it

bye felicia

"the legacy of the jedi is failure and hypocrisy. at the height of their power they allowed darth sidious to come to power and wipe them out" ok true. "it was a jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of darth vader" YOU TAKE THAT BACK

a related point..... Luke is a coward.

i'm not saying that the only kind of Luke i would accept is HEROIC LEGEND LUKE WHO BURSTS FORTH FROM HIS ISOLATION AND SINGLE HANDEDLY DEVASTATES THE FIRST ORDER. but at the same time, his isolation is NOT in any way comparable to Obi-Wan's. "i came here to die" ok buddy.

dying is all well and good, hiding from your failures, being broken for a while after taking a hit like that

what i am NOT able to forgive is how he abandoned Leia

???? the frick???

"so many losses, i can't take any more" "sure you can" STORY OF LEIA'S LIFE

"im from the resistance, your sister Leia sent me" boy when she says jump you better say "how high?" honestly YOU OWE IT AT LEAST TO YOUR GUILT TO DO THAT FOR HER

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE? SHE'S ON HER OWN DEALING WITH EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WHOLE GALAXY AND HE'S DOING WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME LUKE WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIS SISTER LIKE THAT??? AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS FOR HIM HE SAYS "no frick u" ?!?!?

if that's Luke Skywalker then Luke Skywalker is a useless coward

that is not Luke Skywalker

honestly everything Rey said was spot on "Leia sent me here with hope. if she's wrong then she deserves to know why. we all do"

the overall thesis of the sequel trilogy seems to be "there's no point to any of this"

a powerful student turns to the dark side and destroys the Jedi Order. an authoritarian regime destroys the republic and takes over. a small band of resistance fighters rallies against great odds. a Force sensitive from a desert planet teaches herself the Force from old Jedi books after her teacher evaporates into the Force after teaching like 1 lesson. everyone Leia loves dies

guys... i'm tired

it's just exhausting. what is the point? in the sequel trilogy we've seen the republic destroyed, the resistance decimated and harried from place to place until theyre down to 12 people on the millennium falcom. there's only one movie left. they're going to come back from nothing and destroy the first order and then smile at each other in the ashes?

why?>??? what are they going to do? build a republic again? is rey going to build a new jedi order? we've seen how that worked out

there's nothing to believe in here. HOPE is such a strong theme in the sequel trilogy. "as long as there's light we've got a chance" "leia sent me here with hope" "the galaxy has lost its hope, the spark is out." "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it you'll never make it through the night." like good grief. constantly hammering on the need to have hope, but WHY?

what's the point of defeating the imperials, spending your life trying to build something good in the galaxy, trying to build a family, when you're only going to have to do it all again in your old age, when everyone you love is dead?

i cant see any hope if this is the ending for the OT characters, so i powerfully struggle to care about and cheer for Rey, Poe, and Finn. what's the point in anything they're doing? what's the point in the sacrifices they're making? it might turn out just exactly like it did for Luke, Leia, and Han, spending their old age in loneliness, sorrow, and violence

if this is the way history repeats itself, you probably should just make out like the stuttering codebreaker. "dont join"

#grace for ts #the last jedi #lists of things with grace #star wars #here they are the extremely belated bullet points #this is long as heck #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #TLJ #tlj spoilers #the last jedi spoilers #i both enjoyed it immensely and left with a bad taste in my mouth hhhhhh

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unassumingvenusaur · 6 years

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Tbf some of the stuff ends up Bouncing Back in a major way but things like the beginning of the Laslow supports with Niles skeeving out an entire bar of people/The beginning of the Keaton support and putting Keaton in a collar/ESPECIALLY the Kaze supports with Niles talking so much about torturing and enjoying the suffering of the prisoners and esp Kaze in a really sexual way. The concept of the Niles and Soleil supports too w/ him maliciously manipulating Soleil (tho he does feel guilty l8r!)

It just feels too tinted cruel for the way he's portrayed in most of his supports. He tells Azura he loathes people who lack compassion and that his rude act is more a defense mechanism than anything that he only utilizes against royal people (ex: Camilla supports) who he thinks are privileged/don't know suffering, or those who treat him like garbage or who act better than him (like in his supports with Arthur!)

He's also overtly flirtatious sometimes but he always either seems to mean it in good humor (like his oil wrestling joke with Corrin) or when someone isn't uncomfortable with it (like when he keeps riffing on it with Felicia because she isn't catching on and he thinks it's ridiculous). But in his supports with Oboro he tones it down immediately upon realizing it makes her uncomfortable and even reveals it's sometimes compulsive and he'd rather not talk at all than upset her more

Nd a lot of the fan supports with him revolve around him being a dick and then realizing he was a dick and correcting it which is a valid formula (again, ex: his supports with Camilla) but folks often act like he's totally out of touch with kindness? But in his supports with Elise he's immediately helpful and kind and understanding and doesn't extort her or mess around with her. And when he realizes he's messed up with Camilla he's immediately Thoroughly Apologetic.

SORRY I'm sending so much I had way more to say than I realized I did and maybe I should've just reblogged it after all. ^^;;; But concluding point here is that he's often written more cruel or overtly and uncomfortably sexual than he genuinely is within canon and I'm sure it's not intentional at all because y'all do great work but it is disappointing to see happen

I’m really sorry Niles’s new supports have been a disappointment to you! I’ve heard criticisms to this effect before about Kaze/Niles and Keaton/Niles. They were written by the same author, and given that the only other C-S for Niles is Laslow/Niles the hack certainly does currently overrepresent Niles’s cruelness. The two S’s are relatively free of that but that’s still not the same amount of content. I put Kaze/Niles and Keaton/Niles out before others because I trusted the author and he was prolific but I can see it was probably a mistake to put them out without lighter ones. As to the individual content of the supports...they certainly push limits but I’m not sure I agree they extend into outright ooc territory so I don’t think I’ll change them, but I’ll definetly be more cognizant of issues in the future.

Laslow/Niles...I once again don’t think it was really out of character and it’s certainly not as extreme as the other two but I respect your opinion. I personally find that one pushes back on the idea of just dismissing Niles as skeevy, since Laslow is the one who messes up in that one and has to apologize. I don’t recall the pc for them, and since it’s not yet implemented it’s still subject to change as all submissions are. I leave discretion on whether or not to post submissions to Parry now, but for actual releases I keep a careful eye to the content.

I can’t promise there won’t be anymore supports about Niles acting dirty--that’s an emphasized part of his character--or even a little cruel at points--in moderation--but I can try to make an effort to post some more niles submissions that play into more positive personality traits or aspects of him. Perhaps I could run them by you so we can correct any problems before they happen?

Thank you for your feedback! I’m only human and need to keep receiving it to better myself and the project.

#niles #fe14 #gay fates #chrisjoshington

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traincat · 7 years

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what do you personally dislike about Slott's ASM? also do you know how he has been the main writer for so long? It feels like marvel should have switched it up

This turned out so long, sorry, anon.

I don’t know the circumstances that have led to Slott’s extremely long run on Amazing Spider-Man, but I do feel it’s long past time to switch it up for a number of reasons, and frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t chose Legacy as the perfect time to bring in a new writer. I’ve got two bones to pick with Slott’s Amazing Spider-Man, and one is a couple of personal experiences I’ve had that centered around Superior Spider-Man (importantly, they’re both scenes involving the run’s treatment of women) and then just a general note on why his Peter Parker voice doesn’t work for me, personally. I have liked other comics by Slott, for the record.

The personal experiences first:

I’ve witnessed Slott harass a friend of mine on social media over a comment on a frankly awful panel in Superior Spider-Man, saying that they shouldn’t criticize Otto’s actions because he was “on a journey.” This kind of behavior is apparently not an isolated incident where he’s involved, but I should note that my friend was at the time very young (I can’t remember if they were 18, but quite possibly they were younger). I believe it was made obvious to him at one point that he was arguing with a teenager, but I can’t recall for sure. I do know they did not tag him in their criticism. But most importantly, this is the panel they were discussing:

For those unaware, Superior Spider-Man was a storyline where Doctor Octopus bodyjacked Peter and intended to live his life as Peter and as Spider-Man. Nobody knew that Peter had been replaced.

Otto’s thought boxes are positioned over Mary Jane’s dialogue, effectively silencing her, and not only is HIS gaze clearly fixed on her breasts, but the reader is essentially forced to stare at them, too. I don’t know how the average man feels looking at this panel, but I can say, as a woman, it 100% feels like the comic is creepily staring at my boobs and I’m not cool with that. This is not a fun cheesecake page, embracing Mary Jane as a confident, sexually attractive woman – it’s treating her like a piece of meat. If this was intended to be funny, I’m sorry, but the joke is bad. Even if we were to say Otto was “on a journey” to become a better person and that his behavior in the first issue is not indicative of who he’ll become so he shouldn’t be judged on it – which, currently, he’s in a Peter clone body, being all sad because his Parker Industries coup failed and the woman he lied to and seduced using Peter’s identity doesn’t want to date him, so I guess the last stop on the train was Disgusting Man Valley – it’s still a page where a man infiltrates a woman’s private life using the body of one of the closest people to her and then ignores her voice to stare at her breasts. (Make no mistake: Otto was explicitly and aggressively trying to trick her into bed using Peter’s identity. Later, when he realized he could access Peter’s memories, he replayed Peter’s sexual encounters with Mary Jane. I don’t like any stop on this journey, guys.)

The “journey”, I suspect, was meant to refer to Ock’s growing feelings towards Anna Maria Marconi, but that just highlights another set of problems I have: Mary Jane, a beautiful model turned entrepreneur, is ultimately deemed by Otto as “unacceptable” for someone of Peter’s intellect, and cast aside in favor Anna Maria, who works in STEM, can cook like an Italian grandmother, and who is pretty but not conventionally desirable. It would be one thing for the character to do this, but Slott did once say that Otto was better at appreciating “real beauty” than Peter, and that Peter’s love for Mary Jane was “anti-Marvel”, because Mary Jane’s “superficially beautiful”, implying that she lacks inner beauty and ignoring the canon fact that Mary Jane’s moral center has always been stronger than Peter’s. This disregard for Mary Jane solely because she’s pretty continues in a scene where Mary Jane gets all dressed up and goes to meet a new guy she’s interested in, only to get pushed into the mud before he sees her. While humor via humiliation is common in Slott’s Spider-Man, I don’t really think I need to elaborate on why a scene all about taking a woman who is confident in her appearance and sexuality down a peg leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I really dislike how often Mary Jane is disregarded by fans because she’s “a shallow male fantasy” (please read comics) so to say that Peter loving her is anti-Marvel is just, like, no.

More under the cut.

(It’s also out of character for Mary Jane not to realize Peter’s not Peter, considering she outfoxed (and then bludgeoned) the Chameleon and can pick Peter out from among his clones:

but for the sake of Superior’s deceit, I can let this go. The Superior Spider-Man scene where she sits in a burning building waiting for Spider-Man to come save her, The Most Out Of Character Mary Jane Scene Of All Time, I cannot.)

So there’s just, generally, the treatment of Mary Jane in Superior Spider-Man, as well as his reaction to a criticism of it. Then there’s an encounter with a male Spider-Man fan I had which, while this isn’t a direct criticism of Slott’s work, I do think it ties into the way women are treated in it, especially within the body of Superior Spider-Man.

So I used to cosplay, and one time I went to a big outdoor shoot with a bunch of friends and friends’ friends and some photographers, etc, and afterwards we all crowded into a big diner booth together, Jersey style, and this guy I don’t know starts chatting me up. (I guess he missed the memo about superficial beauty.) And it’s a cosplay thing, so like, we’re all nerds, and somehow we start talking about Spider-Man. And this guy rushes to tell me he is loving Superior Spider-Man. Do you know what he just can’t wait to tell me he loved about Superior Spider-Man? He loves that Doc Ock punched Felicia Hardy in the face. “That was awesome,” he told me, referring to a scene where Felicia comes across Spider-Man and, not knowing it’s Ock in there, initiates some playful banter, which he responds to by punching her in the face hard enough to knock a tooth out. Because he’s the Superior Spider-Man! And obviously that’s ~superior~ to what “shallow” Peter would have done, which was most likely engage in consensual sex with Felicia, because they’re both adults who enjoy having sex with each other. Did Dan Slott hold a gun to that guy’s head and make him tell me how awesome and funny it is when men violently assault women in fiction? No, but he did write a scene that it’s possible to interpret as glorifying said assault. At the very least, it does not condemn it.

Dating tip, guys: when talking to a girl for the first time, please don’t tell her how cool and funny you think violence against women is. (Actually, if you find it cool and funny, please be upfront about that, so she can get out of there and never talk to you again.)

Ugh. You guys. I do not like how this title treats women. I don’t like how other Slott titles treat women, although they’re less egregious about it, because at least when Peter Parker is in control of his body and the title you’re forced as a writer to deal with the fact that, while Peter canonically is real enthusiastic about sex with women, the character does actually like, respect women as human beings. Slott has also fridged several important Spider-Man women, notably both Dr. Ashley Kafka and Marla Jameson – both professional women. I love Cindy Moon and I love what other writers have done with the concept of someone who spent ten years locked away in a bunker, but I’m not actually sure Cindy’s introduction needed to be about a woman who was locked in a box since she was a teenager, you feel me?

My issues with Slott’s Peter characterization are entirely a matter of personal taste. I’ve already mentioned that I don’t love humor via embarrassment or humiliation, but I really, really don’t like it. And Slott uses it a lot – his conception of Spider-Man as a funny superhero involves Peter being the butt of a lot of jokes, instead of Peter just… being funny. I also find that his Peter lacks an edge. This is also my problem with Bendis’ Peter, though I feel Bendis nails the rhythm of Peter’s banter better than Slott does, and his dialogue-heavy writing is a good fit. Also, he knows Peter’s Jewish. But like, for instance, you have an iteration of Peter who was only ever written by Bendis in Ultimate Peter! And he’s a good boy! He is! I care about him so much less than 616 Peter. This is related to my dissatisfaction with Homecoming, where he was completely toothless and the narrative went out of its way to point out how NOT scary he was. I’m sorry, but a teenage boy who can punch through concrete no big deal is actually always going to be at least a little scary – instead of rejecting that fact, I’d rather explore how Peter makes himself gentle as he grows up, and how he struggles to be as good and as moral as Spider-Man is, and when he leans into that threatening nature. I want that struggle, and that relationship with violence, throw in some Spider-Man as a predatory animal metaphors okay at this point I should note that the modern Spider-Man writer whose voice for him I like the very best is J. Michael Straczynski’s. You can see what I’m talking about in this scene, for example:

He’s completely gentle with Mary Jane – but when Tony gets in his way to keep him from going after a paparazzo (Tony wouldn’t know this, but Peter once threatened to rip a sleazy photographer’s head off after he called Mary Jane cheap, so y’know, trying to get him to calm down is reasonable), Peter’s reaction is hostile – threatening to forcibly move him, the clenched fists, etc. (One of my big Peter characterization rules is you can’t write how he interacts with other people the same as the way he interacts with his family.) He also just tossed Wolverine out a window, so.

“You were chosen for your rage” ooooh Mr. Stracyznski, tell me more. This sounds like I am joking no 10000% give me more of Peter shirtless and beating up the Kingpin. His freaking murder polo:

Basically, as a reader, I appreciate the depths of Peter’s kindness best when they aren’t necessarily first nature for him. Slott’s Peter doesn’t have that same edge to him. He’s not reining himself in. (There was a Norman vs Peter fist fight and I WAS NOT INTO IT, which should be impossible.)

#traincat talks comics #long post/#*replies

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oddsnendsfanfics · 7 years

Note

Did you take a break from fandom Jai or did you leave? Many other fans stopped and I was expecting you to not be one. We can not always have everything we want but if you want to leave, do not let the door hit you when you leave. We do not need people who just compliment others and who are not happy for Jai, no matter what he does bye felicia!

I was going to just delete this and ignore it, but *cracks knuckles to write*, I think I will answer it.

If for any reason, during the several explanations that I have (recently) posted, you thought I was finished writing my Jai fics, then I apologize. I’m not really sure how much clearer I can say “I am taking a break/hiatus/breath/giving space”? Allow me to reiterate this:

I am taking a break from Jai fics! If anyone wants, feel free to read my other works.

Why? Well, I am finding my work here stale and I am noticing that the readers were sort of leaning the same way. Sorry, if I misread any of you, but it feels like there is a stale air and I don’t want to bore anyone.

On top of that, my break has come because I want to try my hand at fresh things. I have a varied interest and it spans to many fandoms, hence when I am called Odds N’ Ends.

Now!

For the rest of this: I don’t know how other Jai fans feel or why they are beginning to dwindle. Everyone has their own reasons and interest. I mean, he hasn’t exactly given any of us much to work with or talk about since MacBeth.

I like Jai’s work, I like Jai, but talking about his beard and thick thighs will only keep interest for so long. Sorry.

If you want me to leave, providing that this is actually about that, then I am sorry. Not happening! I will be back, eventually, and have no desire to leave because someone feels I am not pulling my weight.

As for being happy for Jai, well we are both adults and he can do what he wants. I assure you that he isn’t sitting around watching my life, if he is then I hope he likes ponies and silly IG stories about coffee. If he is happy, good for him. I’m happy in my life and don’t need his life putting a value on my emotions. This fandom has been there and done that, can we not go back to that dark place?

Alright, I am not entirely sure why you sent this, but I am glad you did. It gave me a chance to explain myself, again, clear some air, and grab a feel for how things are going now a days - in the land of Jai.

Sorry Anon, I assume English is not your native language and taking time to write this to me, in my language is very kind. If this wasn’t meant to come off as you being rude, I apologize! If this was meant to be rude and ignorant, then well I am glad I am taking a break from you.

With that said: I adore all of the fans I have met through Jai, the majority of you are some totally kick ass, strong, and beautiful beings! I truly do enjoy our interactions and I want to continue you seeing you all on my dash. For this who understand writing Fanfics and what not, please be patient with this break. As you know, some times you just need to step back and find new things to refresh the old.

#asks #anon #answered #jai courtney #jai courtney fanfiction #i am taking a break #sorry not sorry #i ain't even sorry #it was needed #i'll be back #eventually

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 6 years

Text

This going to sound harsher than I mean it to but...I think there is a certain subset (and I really do think it is a subset and NOT the majority, far from it) of female fans who are in their own way as guilty in regards to Peter’s character as they are of what a subset (albeit a way more vocal and currently in charge subset) of male fans are guilty of in regards to MJ’s character.

They are very quick to throw the shade at the character (even throw him under a bus at times) without either properly contextualizing the specifics of a situation they are talking about or else not bothering to place themselves in his shoes and try to imagine realistically how me might feel.

Or else they simply don’t try to ask “Okay Spider-Man is doing this thing that seemingly makes him look bad. Let me consider if there is a believable enough justification for his actions before I commit to condemning the character.”

On tumblr I’ve seen that more and more among some posters in particular female ones (far from all of them though, like I said I believe them to be a minority) who clearly do LIKE Spider-Man, both as a series and as a character, nevertheless throw out shade along the lines of:

- Well he just makes such poor life decisions

- He’s such a MESS, God get your life together Peter

- What an asshole he was for not wanting to meet Mj because he didn’t realize she was pretty

- Peter has such an EGO, look at whenever he used to interact with other heroes

- Peter is so self-centred wow

- MJ and Felicia and Gwen are too good for Peter

Saying Peter makes poor life choices is untrue half the time and only true the other half of the time within the context of a dramatic entertainment series wherein it’d be boring if certain concessions were not made.

Saying his life is a mess is intrinsically idiotic for the same reasons saying MJ sucked for worrying about Peter and complaining about his life as Spider-Man the way she did in the 90s. If YOU were in either of their positions and had the same histories, the same emotional attachments would YOU be much different? Would YOUR life be totally in order when you spend a large chunk of your time being a superhero both to financially support yourself and you know for ENTIRELY ALTRUISTIC REASONS? Would YOU honestly NOT act the way MJ did in the 90s?

These sorts of attitudes to me demonstrate a really, really weird dismissal of the (relative) realities of life as or with a superhero. It’s like Peter being Spider-Man somehow ‘doesn’t count’, like he’s going out to play sports or something as opposed to actually being something important that should be taken into account when analyzing his life. Like...the entire premise of Spider-Man very much hinged upon the notion of showcasing the realities of life as a hero, how it came with a cost and didn’t fix everything. Like Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man No More literally SHOW you that NOT being Spider-Man WOULD allow his life to NOT be a mess, but that’s the price he pays for making sure nobody else loses THEIR Uncle Ben.

Did Peter used to have an ego? Yeah...as did you know...EVERY Marvel hero under Stan Lee. Shit Silver age Superman had a humungous ego. It’s a trope something you don’t take 100% at face value. That smoothed out with his maturation and whilst he still had an ego at times, that was a debilitating flaw, just something that happened every once in a while as it would for a lot of people.

Not to mention after what he has lived through and how hard he is on himself most of the time SOME ego is surely forgivable, healthy even. Which brings me to the whole ‘he thinks everything revolves around him’ argument.

No...he doesn’t. He just holds himself to an incredibly high standard due to an obviously highly traumatic event he went thorugh growing up compounded by a few other similar events (Gwen’s death) as well as threats to his life and those around him by individuals specifically out to get him (Betty Brant was targeted at least 3 times in the Ditko run).

Is it any wonder he’d be somewhat self-centred? And not even self-centred in a selfish way, self-centred in a ‘I suck, I let everyone down, I should have done better.’ Kind of way which is a million miles away from say pre-heart injury Tony Stark kind of self-centred.

And finally the thing about not wanting to meet MJ...I’m sorry...how many male and female teenagers would NOT have been apprehensive over a blind date their old fashioned Mom set up for them out of fear that the date will be unattractive. Especially when in canon the qualities mostly pushed about her was that she would allegedly ‘make a good housewife’.

That isn’t a ‘Peter Parker is shallow’ thing or a ‘men are shallow’ thing. That’s a ‘teenagers who’re naturally immature and inexperienced with dating, romance, sex, etc tend to be shallow’ thing.

Don’t lie to me and pretend like the pre-Parallel Lives 14-18 year old Mary Jane herself would have been all for meeting her aunt’s neighbour’s geeky ass nephew. She wouldn’t have been and we all KNOW she wouldn’t have been. And that’s okay, that’d be realistic and entirely in keeping with how most teens (male or female) would feel in that situation.

Let me be clear there are MALE readers guilty of this too (especially on CBR) but maybe it’s because I spend more time here in my (admittedly far from comprehensive) observations the fans who say stuff like that tend to be female more often than male.

It’s nowhere near AS bad as the shit that unjustifiably gets thrown at Mary Jane mostly by male fans, but whilst collectively it might be worse each accusation is as equally unfounded.

And as someone who truly loves both those characters I loathe seeing either of them unfairly thrown under the bus that way by people who aren’t even bothering to TRY to justify what the characters are doing out of laziness, a desire to be snarky or just enjoying the act of ripping into them.

In much the same way a lot of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings fans these days have been defencive and protective of Luke and Frodo in light of the mass shade thrown at both characters, I’ve become more and more like that towards Spider-Man in recent years. I’ve been like that with Mj for ages but only recently have I felt it necessary to extend it to Peter too.

I don’t know WHY exactly these sort of ill considered, narrowminded, half assed criticisms are emerging more and more these days. I can’t blame it on the existence of other Spider characters because I’ve more frequently seen this stuff stem from people who didn’t even discuss guys like miles or Kaine or Spider-Gwen. Just Peter himself.

The hard truth is...I think gender might be the biggest factor.

Like I said I really do think this is a MINORITY of female fans who say the stuff I’ve discussed but I think for them there is a certain lack of empathy or at least attempt to honestly see through the eyes of Spider-Man himself because they are female and he is male.

Whilst this doesn’t seem to happen much at all in Harry Potter fandom (which might possibly be owed to Harry being a male character written by a woman), critically the HP narrative is mostly utterly dominated by seeing through Harry’s eyes it makes identifying with him less of a leap as compared to Spider-Man where there is more ‘distance’ between the character and the reader.

The Spider-Man series is mostly from Peter’s POV but whilst Harry Potter rarely deviates away from Harry is experiencing at any given moment within his own skin, Spider-Man cuts to other scenes and other characters and even presents scenes with Spider-Man from their POV very frequently. It’s perhaps the natural pay off to the comic book medium vs a novel. You do have to SEE your protagonist from the outside whereas with a novel you can much more easily be on the inside looking out.

I think because of that relative distance, for some (but far from all) female Spider-Man readers it becomes easier to emotionally/mentally not make the leap into his head and really questioning why he thinks, feels and acts in the ways that he does beyond what is on the surface level presented to us.

Peter talks back to the Fantastic Four when he first meets them. It must be because he’s an asshole and not because he’s you know, a teenager, who just lost his Dad, is desperate for cash, is somewhat naive and used to being an entertainer and wrestler

Although I think at the end of the day a character can be relatable and identifiable regardless of what their identity might be (skin colour, gender, etc), I do feel that male readers of Spider-Man are probably going to be more inclined towards empathising with Peter and inclined towards trying to see if there might be an explanation for his actions.

The reverse holds true as well. It’s painfully obvious that 90% of the garbage criticisms levelled against Mary Jane throughout her history stemmed from mostly (but again not all) male readers who were simply not even trying to put themselves in her shoes or else couldn’t.

Okay sure, you could argue institutionalized sexism or the larger proportion of male to female Spider-Man readers is the reason there seems to be way more male MJ bashers than female Peter bashers, as well as using that to explain why the female Peter bahsers still seem to like the character on some degree whereas MJ’s loudest bashers tend to just hate on the character.

However I’d also propose that a big reason for one group’s larger and more intense negative feelings compared to the other stems again from the genders involved.

Male readers are going to find it comparatively harder to make the jump into MJ’s head and seeing things from her POV than they would Peter’s simply because they are men and she is a female character.

It’s far from impossible and I think most male fans do make the jump. But it helps to explain why so many do not. The problem is exacerbated by MJ being a supporting cast member and thus her POV and panel time is given far less breathing space than Peter’s, who’s story and POV dominate the narrative. So when MJ is compalaining about Peter’s life as a hero to him in a scene from his POV it’s challenging for male readers to take a step back and consider HER pov.

I’m not even calling that some kind of soft core misandry or misogyny.

I just think it’s something that naturally occurs for a lot of people as a consequence of life and the style of storytelling weare discussing.

Doesn’t make it cool to do though.

Stop bashing MJ AND Peter and try to justify anything they do before you tear into them.

#Spider-Man #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #mjwatsonedit #MJ Watson #Peter Parker #Marvel #marvel comics

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writewhatyousee · 6 years

Text

The Mechanic

The alarm clock shrieks its distorted buzz and I am forced yet again, to live another day. I actually prayed last night that the sleep fairies would take me with them, forever. But clearly, not even they wish to have me in their kingdom.

I yawn and groan at the same time. And just like I do every morning, I smack the alarm clock with my fist and then cry, because – it’s just what I do.

It takes me ages to pluck up the courage to get out of bed. My limbs are numb, my brain is tired (even though I had slept for eleven hours) and I have no zest for life.

There is good reason as to why I feel so lifeless though. Johnny dumped me three months ago for blue-eyed, Swede, Greta. Our three year relationship ended as soon as he laid eyes on her GG sized boobs. I blame my mother, really. She was the one that hired Greta as her housekeeper. Even though Mother fired Greta, after finding the two of them in the midst of lovemaking on her lilac sofa, I still feel that she was partly responsible.

I pat my eyes dry with my silky duvet, and desperately try not to think about Johnny. It’s hard not to, and it’s equally painful facing another nine hours in Nettie’s Salon. It’s soul destroying, pretending to be happy whilst styling hair of the ever-so-posh ladies. They openly boast about their secret love affairs; which makes it very tempting for me to drive the scissors away from their hairline, straight into their neck.

I was never a psychopath but recently I have had terrible thoughts. Like now… I worm my way out of bed and contemplate phoning in sick. No hairdresser suffering depression should be allowed to handle any sharp apparatus. I decide then to search google for clarification. Surprisingly nothing shows up that’s relevant. There must be hundreds of depressed hairdressers out there, potential murders, but no clause stating that they should not continue in that sort of trade. But dammit, if I dare to puff my fag’s smoke in the direction of a non-smoker, it’s hugely frowned upon and one could even be convicted in certain circumstance. Crazy!

I think too much! I have been thinking for over an hour now. It’s too late for a shower, so I use a handful of wet wipes to freshen up my armpits and my stink area. I’ve just remembered that Miley Cyrus is coming into the salon today to have her hair shaved off for charity. Shit!

This is what I mean… normal people would be up and roaring to meet the popstar queen. But not me. It’s completely slipped my mind, even though Megan had been going on about it for the past few months.

I admit there is something terribly wrong with me!

The ITV crew are going to be there filming the balding. I’m slowly feeling devilishly excited by that, and quickly pull on my black jeggings and orange cardigan. I’m not a huge Miley Cyrus fan but I’m eager to get a blade near her scalp – just because I can. My watch tells me there is no time to do anything else; I’m pretty certain my teeth won’t decay if I don’t brush them this one time.

The heavens are angry and I reckon I have exactly two minutes to unlock my car door before the clouds burst.

‘Come on Manny!’ I plead with my nineteen-eighty-something VW.

First falls a tiny droplet, landing on the tip of my nose. I continue struggling with the rusty lock, twisting and turning the key just like I’ve been doing for the past two years.

‘For fuck sakes! C’mon you stupid piece of shite!’ I shout. The rain is coming down harder and faster. Actually it’s more than rain, it’s hard and it hurts.

By the time Manny allows me entry, I am soaking wet and bruised by the hail stones. God, my life sucks!

I start up Manny. With a few turns of the key he eventually gives in and permits me to take to the road. Something doesn’t feel right though. Not that that is anything new, but there is a deafening clanking sound to his already noisy engine today.

‘Please,’ I beg him. ‘Just get me to work!’

Manny is not as intelligent as Herbie. He makes no effort to crawl across the roundabout and decides to seize there, right in the centre of it.

‘Damn you!’ I shout.

Cars zoom around me, hooting as they pass; as if I have done this on purpose. My heart is racing, I’m quite certain that any second from now, someone is going to ram up my arse, and that will be that. I blanket my eyes with my hands; I’m not afraid of dying.

There comes a tapping on my window, and I open my eyes to find a dirty face staring at me.

I roll down my window.

‘I’ll tow you away immediately,’ insists the dirty boy. ‘You are in extreme danger sitting here like this.’

I nod in acceptance and watch him link my VW onto his four by four’s tow bar. We cross over the roundabout, and pull into the garage across the road.

He brings his Range Rover to a standstill and speedily approaches me. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I have five minutes to get to work,’ I say, tapping my watch.

‘You aren’t getting there in this,’ he smirks, patting Manny’s rooftop.

‘Well, can you fix it really quickly? Please!’

He didn’t seem bothered by the falling rain. He just stood there and let it wash over him, and I could just about see a spot of human flesh beneath the dirt.

‘No quick fix for this beauty, I’m afraid.’

I didn’t like his sarcasm one bit. ‘Look. I have a very important client coming to see me. This is the one thing I can’t miss out on.’

‘I’m sorry miss. I haven’t a magic wand.’

I felt mega irritated. If I wasn’t there to shave Miley’s head, Megan would. Imagine giving squealy Megan Bishop the pleasure of doing such a thing. She would gloat on for years about it and rub it in my face how she got to be on TV and all. I couldn’t even bear the thought of it.

‘Well, can you take me to work? Please. I’ll pay you and everything.’

He sighed loudly, and twitched his nose. ‘I would love to, but I can’t as I’m the only mechanic here at the moment.’

Shit! I reach for my bag, determined to tell Megan that she is not to lay a finger on Miley’s hair.

‘Bloody shit face!’ I shriek, emptying my entire bag’s contents on the passenger seat, hunting for my phone.

‘Can I use your phone?’

‘Of course. There’s one in reception.’

I pull on the stiff door handle and force open the reluctant VW’s door. The boy pulls the door further open for me, and kindly leads me into the reception area.

It’s typically a mans haven with all sorts of boyish ornaments. It’s also very dirty. He hands me a mobile telephone which I presume was white once but it’s so heavily covered with grease, it’s hard to be sure.

I take it with caution. ‘Thank you.’

I dial the salon’s number as fast as my fingers allow. Molly answers, with her usual put on French accent… don’t even ask me why she does that, I don’t know!

‘Molly, it’s me. I’m having a little problem getting there before nine thirty, Manny’s broken down again. Please halt Miley; don’t you dare let Megan shave her head! And can you come pick me up at the garage on Swan Street?’

Molly doesn’t answer at once. I can hear she has the phone muffled with her hand.

‘Molly!’ I scream into the receiver.

‘Erm…’ she coughs. ‘Sorry Nikita, but she’s already started.’

‘What!’

‘Miley came in earlier than expected as she has a very busy schedule. So as soon as the TV people arrived, they got straight on with it.’

My hand falls weak, and the phone slips from fingers, crashing on to the coffee stained desk. Hot, angry tears fall over my cheeks into my mouth.

‘Everything okay?’

I turn around to find the mechanic walking towards me. His face is free of dirt now, and he definitely doesn’t look like a boy anymore.

It’s hard to blink back tears, but I don’t want to come across like a pathetic drama queen.

I do!

As he nears me, I notice how incredibly handsome he is. Beneath his long, dark, fringe, sparkle the most dazzling green eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s a good few inches taller than me too which is comforting, as I’m a six footer myself.

‘Everything is far from OK!’ I holler with such a blow that his head jolts slightly. ‘My boyfriend cheated on me with a Swede – not the vegetable. My car is a useless pile of junk and because of the rubbish I have lost the chance to be on TV with a celebrity. I am not a psychopath, I just wanted to shave her head, bald!’

I’m crying like a child. Snivelling, wiping my nose on my sleeve. I just don’t care anymore about anything.

He passes me a tissue. It’s not the cleanest but I flush my nose in it anyway.

‘You can shave my head if it’ll make you feel better?’

I look up at him and notice his beautifully formed smile. ‘I’m sorry for being your morning drama queen.’

‘Don’t be silly. And I was being serious, I really do need a haircut. In return, I’ll treat you to dinner.’

My heart skips a beat by his proposal and I carefully watch how he nervously bites his bottom lip in anticipation.

‘Okay, deal.’

He extends his large, grease-stained hand for me to shake. ‘Pleased to meet you. My name’s Mike.’

‘My name’s Nikita, and it’s a pleasure meeting you too, Mike the mechanic.’

We giggled childishly and spoke of this and that.

I never bothered returning to work that day, nor the day after that. Instead, Mike thought it was a perfectly brilliant idea that I run a barber shop at the back of his workshop. It works a treat. Now every day I wake up fully charged with a want to get out of bed… well except for the mornings that I awake with Mike the Mechanic.

-Felicia Snashall @writewhatyousee

#short story #wng writers #mechanic #books #writing #fiction #galleycat #fantasy #hairdressing #lit #funny

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