#so much health crap

[acommonanomaly]

I think....maybe...now that things have calmed down a bit...I might start writing What Fades Away again.

#not fandom #it's been a lot #so much #so much health crap #for me and maggie #utter chaos all the time #but i really miss writing that story #i still feel so strongly about it #even after so much time has passed #since i first started writing it

[transjudas]

“And then how much am I gonna let this accident take from me?” (x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x)

#frank iero #mcr #mcredit #ray toro #frankieroedit #flashing cw #my chemical romance #userkam #disability #chronic pain #continuing to deal with my health issues through mr iero thank u #this has helped me so much in still being active as much as i can and doing things that make me happy even when i feel like crap or worry #about feeling like crap later

[l0ganberry]

Why can't Dogday be our Glamrock Freddy in the game?????😭😭😭😭😭

That would of been such a great idea! He's been on screen for 2 minutes and DIED!! WHY DO THEY NEED TO KILL HIM!?!?

#Whyy!?!?! #We could of had so much fun with him. #i want to have a dog to stay by my side as I am on the urge of risking my life in the abandomed factory. #He can give me encouragement or maybe even tell me funny remarks about the factory. #I WANT AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CHARACTER!!! #WE ALL NEED ONE!!! #my mental health is shit and I know a crap ton of people on here are too #Don't lie to yourself #I'm being honest and so will you #I know what you are #but seriously #What was the point on killing him??? #He deserves more better #hell #He deserves the world #Not to die in the most gruesome death in the whole game #How dare they.... THEM MOTHERFU- #anyways #ranting #rant post #rambles #dogday #poppy playtime 3 #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[biromanticbookbabe]

So I have kept a journal more or less since 2009. There is an almost year gap in 2015 when I had my only manic episode but other than that, I wrote pretty much at least a few times a month since. 

Lately, I’ve been trying to write everyday just as a self-challenge since my mental health was a bit shaky during the most recent season change. Since 2009, I’ve filled almost 9 full note books. I’ll likely make it to my 10th by this October. 

These Journals are mostly personal, but I sometimes did poetry or fiction-related sprints and other activities in it. Having a journal as a writer is good for practice as well as self-reflection and mental health. 

#and yes my high school journals are extremely cringe and fake emo #it is very much 2010 #I'm going to turn them into PDFs to save them for later in case something happens #I'm probably going to do that with the old writing I have that I did before I switched over to mostly using a computer #like 90-95% of my fiction is done on the computer now but I used to hand write it before 2018 #I have 2.5 notebooks full of a novel I wrote in 2017 as an undergrad #I mean like I lose my notebooks somehow #you never know #journaling #writing #writeblr #self help #I think it might be fun in some ways to go down memory lane though some of it will also be painful #nostalgia time #my chatter #writing anything just keeps you in the practice too so it's helpful even if it's random or crap since it's personal #mental health matters

[daltongraham]

I've been sick since 13 Jan. Sore throat, mild cough, tightness in the lungs, exhaustion. When I try to talk I croak.

My throat cultures finally came back today. Negative. So I just have to keep being sick and miserable for a while, I guess.

#2 negative covid tests #venting #I have so much health shit I need to do that's on hold cuz I feel like crap

[tabellae-rex-in-sui]

I want a smart phone, but the smart phones from like 8 years ago.

#i cant buy one obvs because planned obsolescence and it was made 8 years ago so not certain it won't crap out #what i mean is i want a smart phone that was recently manufactured but is the make and model of an 8 year old phone #and I don't think that should be something that is impossible to get #id say the majority of consumers would be fine with an old model phone #and what they cost back then #cannot tel you how much I dont want a big new phone with an incredible camera and health functions and Bluetooth headphones and all that #cuz i dont use any of that #literally give me an iPhone 3 that is guaranteed to work for 5 years #so then i can buy another iPhone 3 when it breaks

[queerhawkeyes]

saw my pelvic floor physical therapist and it turns out I just need to relax

#like literally the problem is too much tension in my pelvic floor muscles #anyways she's lovely and I don't mind seeing her and she reassured me that it wasn't a prolapse so I will do the exercises she gave me #human crap sack tire fire #health shit

[codebread]

what's one thing you wish you could say to your 16 yr. old self?

if i could go back in time, i'd tell myself to take up compsci instead of a medical-allied degree~

i remember how much i used to enjoy making themes for blogskins and xanga back when i was in 5th grade until high school lol i'd spend hours studying other people's codes and then writing my own, and i layout the themes i wanted to make in photoshop so i can see how certain elements go together. it was fun! it was my favorite past time! up until now, i still remember those days fondly and i kept thing 'if only i pursued a degree that actually aligned with my interests and basic skillset'. but as these things usually go, we always end up taking something more "practical". i come from a family of healthcare workers (aunts, cousins, etc...though not my mom and dad) and my parents always wanted me to become a doctor. i didn't really know much back then, there was no social media to expose us to a different kind of life other than the one we're living in. so i thought i wanted that for myself too. almost everyone i know is pursuing a medical career and so i just went with it.

fast forward to where i am now, i'm holding a bachelor's degree that i don't know what to do with. i did work for 2 years as a medical technologist and went to vet med school (well they did want me to become a doctor but i knew for certain that if i want to be a doctor it wouldn't be for humans lol) for another 3 years but there's always this nagging feeling in the back of my head that keeps telling me that this is not me. this is not how i want to grow old. not like this. i guess i could confidently say that is my biggest regret in life.

and so last year in nov 2021, i quit med school. a lot of my friends, family, and even faculty were surprised because i always had a good standing, the top of my class at that. it's so ironic it's almost funny. it wasn't an easy decision to give up halfway especially when i had already achieved so much. i spent many sleepless nights thinking about it. it almost felt like i lost my direction in life. i went into a depressive spiral for most of 2020-2021 and i sank into my old bad habits again. i seriously thought i wasn't going to make it out of 2021 alive. i was a complete mess. i was struggling. struggling so bad...but i was also very stubborn. stubborn enough to claw my way out of the hellhole i threw myself in. thinking about it right now, i still don't know how i did it but i somehow managed to crawl my way back into the light. i guess i was lucky idk. whatever it was, i'm just incredibly grateful.

funny how fast things change. a year ago today, i was a walking void. but here i am a year after, sitting by the window with sunbeams dancing on my keyboard, and coffee in hand, writing about it and feeling at peace. i still think a lot about the 'what could have been's'. but i know for certain that i have already come to terms with most of them.

#idk i just felt like i had to let this one out #if you read through all of this crap then thank you so much for hearing me out T^T #tw: depression #tw: mental health #tw: suicidal thoughts

[consolecadet]

A useful realization recently: it’s not that I dislike trying to improve myself, but rather that I dislike being told to try to improve myself, and more specifically being told how to do that. Heaven forbid someone says there’s a “right” way to do it.

#I already knew this in terms of body-related stuff #like. I don't believe weight = health and I also don't believe health is a moral imperative #I want to live a long time with few difficulties and also I have less power over that than most people believe they do #so anyone saying 'you should be losing weight. because that is improving yourself in the Right Way Everyone Should Do' can sit on a cactus #but I've had a much harder time recognizing that dissonance in other areas or feeling like I'm justified in disagreeing #but you know what? I DO NOT need to agree with a single thing brendon fucking b*rchard says #and there's nothing wrong with me for thinking he's full of crap #I am not a lazy person putting no effort into improving myself. I just don't agree with the ways he (for example) says you should do that #I'm gonna keep working on the things *I* care about improving about myself. fuck the rest. #nb this does not mean I want to ignore valid criticism of my behavior #just that 'you MUST HAVE (ex) a meditation practice to be your best self which you have a moral imperative to become' is not valid #boring text posts

[acommonanomaly]

My cat Maglor is not doing well right now and I’m so tired and stressed...I need this sweet boy to be ok. =(

#not fandom #cats #maglor the cat #i've been scrambling around #trying to get a ride to the vet #and now someone is finally on the way #i've had so much health crap going on lately #with me and my kids #and now maggie #i'm TIRED

[lumilasi]

do u have a twitter? bcs i think if u do commission, twitter also can be a great place as alternative platform to reach more people for your arts

nah, I don't really want to go anywhere near that site, my mental health would not be able to handle it lmao. It's that awful IMO.

In fact, pretty much everyone I know IRL who had twitter/has it, doesn't use it anymore/much at all. They all got fed up with how toxic it can get, with the fastest quitting (and I'm not even kidding lol) was after five minutes. I think they had to make one for job purposes (voluntary thing, not mandatory), but pretty quickly figured that nope. Not doing that, no.

(I watched this play out in real time back then, and it was so funny)

I do have an Insta, but I don't really like how the size thing is limited and the algorithm quickly kills engagement apparently (its gotten worse than what it was too, from what I've heard from regular Insta users) so I post there only every now and then.

The commission thing isn't really urgent for me either ultimately, its just there as an option for anyone interested, as I've had people ask about it in the past. Also RN I'm not surprised if I don't get any, the inflation happening in Europe is pretty crazy. (I'd assume majority of my comissioners would be from here, given I'm asking for euros)

#answered anon #I legitimately know if I tried to use Twitter my mental health would take a nose dive instantly #just seeing Twitter's nonsense filtered through tumblr does it sometimes #Tumblr might be a hellsite but its SO MUCH EASIER to filter things out you don't wanna see #Apparently twitter will still push crap on you no matter what #so I refuse to go anywhere near that place lol

[dontaskmehowdontaskmewhy]

Okay but like what paying jobs can I get with a love of creativity,

basic online platform / computer knowledge,

fan art drawing skills, a love of problem solving, fandom,

And constant online content consumption?

Is a simple creative life and career too much to ask?

Must I be an absolute expert at something to have a satisfying job?

Is there something I could work towards that wouldn’t put me thousands in debt? Or slowly pick away at my mental health?

#i am so tired #idk #where all the creative intro level jobs at #and I ain’t talking bout that unpaid intern crap #i have bills to pay #but I don’t want to hate working #adhd #doesn’t help #already did retail and service industries #my mental health struggles too much in those environments #is a simple creative life too much to ask #must I be an expert to get anything #mental health #the arcana fanart #the arcana #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #the arcana game #fan art #nyx hydra #zag

[branmer]

there is only one beauty obsession i indulge on the regular tbh, and that’s moisterising

#also i wear sunscreen religiously #but that's less of a beauty thing and more of a health thing imo #i burn real easy #im not into that anti-aging face cream crap tho #it's just plain ol' shea butter #i honestly hate the 'aging' industry so much ugh #let women be old!!!

[lemontoad-old]

.

#going to vent here bc too heavy stuff to directly relay on my friends but im in the uk so i cant just get a therapist #anyway #i have become. so insanely depressed recently. bc my physical health has been declining and thats also taking a mental toll on me #i dont use depressed lightly. ive been officially diagnosed with clinical depression before and then it was gone for about a year #but boy oh boy its Back #and all my mental problems came back bc my physical health decided to just peace out. and now my mental and physical health are making- #each other worse #physically i have become so tired 24/7 that i just cant do anything other than work (because i need that to live) #and i dont know why! my body just stopped having energy! for months and months now. ive just been working and being in pain and sleeping #<- but also having insomnia so more like laying in bed and watching something to not die of boredom #i dont even work that much anymore. just my contracted hours. and i can see my coworkers handle it fine. they have time and energy to do- #things they want to do and not just live to work. but thats all im doing bc the moment im off the clock im taking my cane out to limp home- #and collapse in bed #i have a doctors appointment on thursday and if they tell me that its just from stress or smth im going to flip #bc no it fucking isnt!! theres no stress in my life other than the fact that my health is giving up #sure yeah my mental health is crap BECAUSE of the fatigue and the pain. not the other way around. so order some tests or i will kill #im already getting myself worked up bc ive been waiting a month and half just for this gp appointment #and i know theres a good chance they are going to wave it off with some stupid excuse instead of actually trying to find out whats wrong #if i dont get medical attention to solve this i might legit just off myself. im barely living as is. work is not living. i want to cry 24/7 #everything hurts so much

[happyfeetfuryroad]

Every year I wonder why I can’t seem to make as much progress with my ED as I’d like

And then R-madan rolls around and I remember

#i only censored it because i don't want it to show up in the tag #i'm still living with my mom and i highly doubt she'd agree with me #in thinking that eating disorders should 100% count as a health based exemption for fasting #so basically i end up eating TOO MUCH because i wake up for suhour #and then i sneakily eat during the day #and THEN there's iftar and dinner in the evening #and every single year i go through the same crap #and then promptly forget about it once [holiday name redacted because i'm paranoid]rolls around #because i'm that relieved that it's over #so yea #this last week of the month can't be over quick enough