#going to vent here bc too heavy stuff to directly relay on my friends but im in the uk so i cant just get a therapist

[lemontoad-old]

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#going to vent here bc too heavy stuff to directly relay on my friends but im in the uk so i cant just get a therapist #anyway #i have become. so insanely depressed recently. bc my physical health has been declining and thats also taking a mental toll on me #i dont use depressed lightly. ive been officially diagnosed with clinical depression before and then it was gone for about a year #but boy oh boy its Back #and all my mental problems came back bc my physical health decided to just peace out. and now my mental and physical health are making- #each other worse #physically i have become so tired 24/7 that i just cant do anything other than work (because i need that to live) #and i dont know why! my body just stopped having energy! for months and months now. ive just been working and being in pain and sleeping #<- but also having insomnia so more like laying in bed and watching something to not die of boredom #i dont even work that much anymore. just my contracted hours. and i can see my coworkers handle it fine. they have time and energy to do- #things they want to do and not just live to work. but thats all im doing bc the moment im off the clock im taking my cane out to limp home- #and collapse in bed #i have a doctors appointment on thursday and if they tell me that its just from stress or smth im going to flip #bc no it fucking isnt!! theres no stress in my life other than the fact that my health is giving up #sure yeah my mental health is crap BECAUSE of the fatigue and the pain. not the other way around. so order some tests or i will kill #im already getting myself worked up bc ive been waiting a month and half just for this gp appointment #and i know theres a good chance they are going to wave it off with some stupid excuse instead of actually trying to find out whats wrong #if i dont get medical attention to solve this i might legit just off myself. im barely living as is. work is not living. i want to cry 24/7 #everything hurts so much