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#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents
glorismorningstar · 3 days
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PARENTING
Pairing: Vox x fem!angel!reader
Summary: Now that little Pixel is born, you and Vox raise her thanks to a deal with Heaven and lots of chaos.
A/N: this is part two of PREGNANT, thank you sm for the request anon! Idk if it's the same one that asked for the first part but if it is I hope you like it <3
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VOX tends to get home late, so you usually spend the day with Pixel until he comes back
At the end of his work day, he greets his daughter like she's the most precious thing in the world
Because she is
And because she came out of the second most precious thing in the world
You see him with Pixel in his lap, her little screen staring at his bigger one and babbling something unintelligible
It almost makes you cry tears of joy
Vox normally struggles to be soft around others
Well, not exactly struggles as chooses not to, because he has a reputation to maintain
But when it comes to his family he'll do anything and everything to protect them
You notice that he seems much more himself around you and Pixel
Not that you're complaining, of course
You love this vulnerable side of him more than the eccentric, manipulative businessman he purports to be
Although if you mention it to him, he'd likely deny it
Still hellbent on keeping you away from Valentino
As a friend he's great, sure, but his filthy habits near his newborn daughter and the mother of the aforementioned daughter do not sit right with him
You're wary of keeping Velvette on babysitting duty, although Vox convinces you to try it once
Not the worst babysitting shift in the history of the world, which surprised you greatly
After you gave birth, Vox moved you and Pixel to another house to separate his family from his work life
He deems it to be safer
And he would be completely correct
That's why when Alastor returns, he flips out
He's afraid of losing you and his little Pixie to that smiling freak
And if he loses everything he's worked for, how will he support his family?
Honestly, you have no qualms about his borderline homoerotic obsession with Alastor
Of all the flaws he has, that might not be number one
And he could do much worse, in your opinion
As long as he doesn't act on it, you're completely fine with it
It's true that you're an angel and he's a demon, a seraphim and an overlord no less
It makes you wonder why Sera would agree to let you keep the child and spend your maternity leave wherever you wish
Pixel is technically a hellborn, but she's the child of a blessed and a damned soul
You don't know how that would work
When she comes of age, she'll have her court case to decide her fate, since as a newborn child she's still of indeterminate morality
As hard as it would be, Vox would want her to live a blessed life
Therefore he lets you raise her to be a good person
You teach the little girl kindness, empathy, generosity and care
The sight is bittersweet for Vox
On the one hand, he's proud of seeing his own blood be a better person than he is
On the other hand, he'd miss Pixie being home at the end of every day and clinging to his leg like a vice
"My sweet girl. Thank God you're just a baby. Dad doesn't want to give you away, but he knows it's the right choice."
You hear him talk to her like that one night, and tears spill from your eyes as you overhear the conversation
It breaks your heart to see him suffer like this
To give up his own child in this way, you know full well that you wouldn't be able to if the roles were reversed
"Da-da..."
You freeze in place when a little babbling voice reaches your ears, while Vox grins so hard and his eyes glisten with tears for a brief moment
"That's right, sweetie... dad's here. Dad's here."
You sniffle softly and walk over to sit beside him, resting your head on his shoulder and stroking the top of Pixie's screen
"I can't believe it. Time flew by so fast."
"I know... suddenly I'm seeing her go off to school."
You giggle at that, kissing Vox on the cheek and running your thumb over the edge of his screen with a little sniffle
"Are you sure you're okay with me taking her to Heaven?"
Vox sighs, expression dropping from the joy of the moment as he pauses to word his reply properly
"Yeah. It's not easy, but it's what she deserves. It's the life I want her to have."
You wrap your arms around his neck when he says so, affectionately caressing the back of his screen
"I'm really sorry. I know I'd be flipping out if I were in your place."
"Oh, believe me, I am. I'm just doing a stunningly good job at covering it up."
You chuckle softly, nuzzling your nose on his screen
He laughs along with you and plants a sweet kiss on your lips, then holds both you and Pixie close to his chest
Soon Pixel grows into a pre-teen
She has already sprouted her wings and goes to school
Vox suggests that you let her go on her own, as she can fly and he has cameras everywhere
And he'd definitely maul to death anyone who tries to mess with his daughter
But you're still extremely on edge, insisting that even if he could know when she's in danger, there's no way either of you would get there in time to save her
So you drop her off and pick her up by flight every day
She doesn't like it very much, but somehow understands it's for her own good
It isn't until she's 14 that she finds out about the Radio Demon
She first overhears it while passing by Valentino's tower when she drops by the Headquarters one day and decides to ask Vox about it
"Dad?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Who's Alastor?"
Vox is visibly aggravated
Electricity zaps across his antennae and racks his entire body as he struggles not to dig his clawed fingers in the table
"Ha, ha... where did you learn that name, Pixie?"
Pixel worries for his reaction, flinching back as she stutters out a soft, "I- I- I-"
"Lady Archangel Pixel of Pride and Kindness, tell me who told you about that freak right now!"
"I- I heard Uncle Val saying that name, and- and that he hears he's back...!"
Vox is seconds away from electrocuting the entire Pentagram
So today he's going to deal with explaining to his teenage daughter about some psychopath he used to know and is learning that he's back from his child
"Oh, no, because God forbid Valentino shut his mouth for once in his fucking life!"
He slams his fist on the table and buries his screen in his hands, resting his elbows on the table and attempting to take a few deep breaths
"Dad...?"
He looks up and sees his daughter's big eyes staring at him with concern
He must have scared her with his outburst
Vox frowns and gathers her in his arms, sighing as he plants a kiss on the top of her screen
"I'm sorry, Pixie, I'm sorry. Alastor used to be my partner."
Pixel looks to the side and back at him, blinking multiple times
This conversation just took quite the turn
"I'll probably regret this, but... partner as in...?"
"Business partner! Jesus Christ, Pixel!"
The young girl sighs in relief
Honestly, he couldn't blame her for jumping to that conclusion
Vox tells her about his partnership with Alastor, everything about what he's really like and what he could do to hurt them now
He knows she's mature enough to understand
"What I want you to do now is call your mother and ask her to come pick you up. Now."
"But-"
"Now, Pixel."
Pixel hesitates, eyes flickering around with worry as she finally stared up at Vox
"Do you trust me?"
"...yes. Yes, I trust you."
"Then do as I say. Please."
She can tell something's off, her father has never acted this way before
The girl throws her arms around him, burying her face in his chest
Vox wipes the tears from her eyes and gives her a reassuring smile, holding her screen in his hands
"I love you, okay?"
"I love you, too, dad..."
He presses another kiss to her forehead and squeezes her tight
He's so terrified of letting her go, but he knows that he has to, for her own good
"Go over to aunt Velvette's and ask her to call your mother. Tell her to meet me here as soon as she can and we'll come get you."
Pixel is extremely apprehensive, but obliges either way
As she trots off to Velvette's tower, Vox gets footage of the Hazbin Hotel from Valentino
Meanwhile, you receive Velvette's call and fly over to the Headquarters as fast as possible
Vox clings to you and squeezes you tight, cupping your cheeks in his hands and looking into your eyes
"Ask for an advance on the court date."
You swear you feel your soul leave your body when he says those words
You've been dreading this for so many years
"Vox, this- this can't be the only solution."
"She's in limbo, Y/N, and right now the good in her has the edge. Request sanctuary and ask Sera to move the date. Please."
With a heavy heart, you agree
He's right, if Alastor really is back, you need to get Pixel to safety
You hug Vox close, tucking your face in the crook of his neck and letting out a sob
You don't know if you're going to see him ever again, and that terrifies both of you to your very cores
"Don't cry, my love, don't cry."
"I love you, Vox."
"I know. I love you, too."
You share a last passionate kiss before departing, tears brimming both yours and his eyes as Velvette accompanies Pixel to say her goodbyes
Vox's farewell to his child is heartbreaking
He reassures her that he loves her and it's for her own good, even if he knows that deep down she'd never forgive him
You give Vox a last kiss before opening the portal to Heaven, letting the dimensions swallow up both of you, never to see Hell for years on end
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brucewaynehater101 · 2 days
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i've been chewing over the tcf!tim au a lot these past few days and this is what my brain came up with: 1. jack and janet aren't really present in tim's life- not out of choice, but out of necessity: see tim had been affected with a curse (similar to that on the tcf protagonist) that made it so that he would eventually lose anything precious to him
2. after they find out, jack and janet decide to physically distance themselves from him (though they can't bring themselves to do so emotionally) while at the same time going on archaelogical trips in hopes to find a way to solve the curse. this way they would hopefully live long enough for tim to be old enough to take care of himself before the curse took them away from him
3. in the meantime, they plopped him in gotham to hopefully slow down / weaken the curse (due to how cursed the city already is, it probably acts like fighting fire with fire or poison with poison, also you can't convince me that as rich as they were they wouldn't have chosen to settle down in any other city if they had other options) and hire a revolving door of nannies (the good ones tim gets attached to often experience unfortunate circumstances that made them have to leave their post, while the bad ones get found out and fired by his parents)
4. tim still gets attached to dick at the circus (and then dick's parents died, and tim lost dick's smile that he liked)
5. tim gets attached to batman and robin -> dick and bruce fight and the og dynamic duo fall apart
6. tim gets attached to jason -> jason gets murdered
7. tim pulls batman out of his spiral and ironically, bruce's prickliness delayed tim getting attached to him, which meant he got to stick around (until he got better, then he ended up being yeeted through time)
8. that whole lead-up to brucequest where he lost a whole bunch of loved ones in quick succession? yeah, the curses of gotham are struggling against his (quantity vs quality)
i just think this idea is neat. and tim's guilt would be growing out of control once he finds out about the curse (why didn't anyone else notice before? because everyone assumed gotham folks are just cursed in general)
it also means he gets a fun (angsty) new motivation to avoid his family post-regression: he doesn't know if the curse is still active and would target them, so he plays the asshole to ward them off so that nothing worse would happen
Well, fuck.
I do love the Good!Parents Jack and Janet in this. It's a bit hard to make Jack or Janet decent parents to Tim while also affording him the independency his character typically has.
The curse is a cool addition to the tcf!Tim au that adds more reason to Tim being an asshole. Him not knowing if he's cursed or not is a great angst plot point, especially because it would be very easy for him to find out. He knows countless magic people that could tell him. Constantine would do it quietly for a quick buck. If Tim continues to not know despite his ability to, that's because he simply didn't want to find out. Dealer's choice on whether that's because he was scared or he wanted an excuse to self-destruct (i.e. cut himself off from his support groups).
The real shitty part about curses that seem like bad luck (or that cause bad luck) is that you can't be sure what is the curse and what is life being shit. Tim will probably blame himself for every horrid thing that has happened to someone after he entered their life.
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pinksturniolo · 2 days
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Angels Like You and Demons Like Me - A Chris Sturniolo AU Story
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Part 1 of 2
Christopher is a demon exiled from the underworld after committing one of the most unacceptable acts Hades will never tolerate. Falling in love with a mortal from Earth. Now he is doomed to wander the Heavens alone, where no god, angel or even siren is allowed to associate with him. He is in agony, in suffering. Until one red tipped, gold plated arrow is accidently pierced into the back of his shoulder, permanently subjecting him to a love spell.
Cupid is an angel with the power of desire, love, and attraction. She is the daughter of Venus, Goddess of love and Mars, God of war. She is tasked with matchmaking all the beings in the Heavens, each arrow she shoots having a spell of true love. Once they are pierced by her arrow, and they successfully unite with their soulmate, their bond is one that lasts forever. She never misses her aim and every immortal that’s she’s struck have been blessed with true love.
 But when her love arrow accidentally strikes a demon, all the rules she thought she knew are turned upside down.
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content warnings: no smut, mostly fluff, angst, based on ancient mythology, angelxdemon, descriptions of depression, grief, loss and death.
my submission to the bratzfornick’s 141 writing challenge!
@bratzforchris @nicksbestie
ty for creating this challenge <3
the 4 story elements i picked:
genre - fluff, angst
trope - angel x demon
location/setting: alternate universe (au)
word count: 2,658
Christopher lies in the garden of Eden atop Mount Olympus, a large meadow of soft grass and small white and purple flowers, with tall evergreen trees. The warmth of the sun shines down on his bare skin, having removed his black suit earlier once he entered the garden. Demons don’t typically feel warm or cold. They don’t typically feel anything. But if he focuses hard enough, lets his eyes close and just listens to the steady beat of his heart, he can feel the breeze in the air and the rays on his chest.
He lets the tears roll down his cheeks. He may be able to relax in the soft meadow, but he will never be able to erase the memory of her. The only being he has ever loved. His heart aches every time he thinks of her face, her laugh, her soft voice. She was pure, innocent, the sweetest thing he had ever laid eyes on.
She was a mortal human from the dimensions of Earth. In the universe of Heaven and Hell, it is forbidden to associate with any mortals on any dimension or timeline. They are considered insignificant, and beneath the powers of the gods and goddesses. Immortal beings find entertainment in their silly lives, watching them from time to time whenever they are bored. However, Christopher disagreed with their ways from the moment he was taught of the ancient rules and rituals.
His parents were mortals, who were ordinary beings like the rest of the humans on Earth. Their love was true and deep, creating a beautiful baby boy whose soul was so pure that it captured the attention of Zeus, the ruler of the Heavens. And it is known from the beginnings of creation that Hades, the ruler of the underworld called Hell, is his immortal enemy.
Zeus and Hera longed for centuries to have another child, a god they could raise to be powerful and respected. So, when Zeus saw the potential in Christopher, he took him from Earth, giving him the power of everlasting immortality. As soon as Hades heard the news, he was instantly jealous of Zeus and still heartbroken over the death of his great love Persephone. He stole the baby, raising him in the depths of the underworld, creating one of the most powerful and strongest demons.
Once Christopher learned of his past, he developed a hate for Hades, Zeus, and every other god or angel in his dimension, whether they were pure or evil. He despised every single one of them, for being so hypocritical and unfair. They all made fun of humans for being emotional and silly, when in actuality they were just the same.
He made a vow to himself to never fall in love, and to never get involved in human lives.
That is until one day, Hades sent him on a quest to retrieve a lost soul from Earth, a nasty evil soul that belonged to the underworld. And he stumbled upon a female mortal, forgetting all about his mission. He was struck by her beauty and her kindness. For days, he observed her, watching how she treated other people and the dedication she had to her friends and family. He longed to be with her, to be mortal again.
After a few years, he finally decided he would reveal himself to her. There were certain ways an immortal could talk to a human, and he was willing to risk it all for her.
But Hades caught him before he could even start.
He struck her down as soon as he figured out what Christopher’s plans were, taking her life.
He begged and pleaded with Hades, groveling at his feet, screaming and crying until his throat was raw and he was out of breath. He begged him to bring her back, even if it meant he wouldn’t be with her. He never meant for this to happen; he simply wanted her to have her life back. She didn’t deserve this cruel fate.
But of course, Hades had no remorse. And he was furious with Christopher for disobeying him. So, he banished him to the one place he knew he would be miserable in.
Heaven. It’s where he’s ordered to live the rest of his immortal days at, surrounded by beautiful clouds, mountains, flowers and forest. Vast coasts and immense colosseums, miles and miles of blue sky and castles full of carved marble and grand rooms filled with silk and cotton.
Love is all around, in every being. And he loathes it. From the warm sunlight that shines and filters through the canopy of trees in the forest as he dozes off during the day to the glowing moonlight that glitters across Poseidon’s Sea, casting a blueish tint on the sand as he lays upon the beach at night. Even the yellow butterflies that flutter in pairs around him make him sick.
He used to have an appreciation for the beauty in things, to want more than the dark, lonesome and tragic depths of the underworld he came from. But now, ever since he suffered the grief of losing the one thing he had ever known to love, he had no such desire for happiness. He longed to be back in the pit of lost souls and madness that was ruled by Hades. At least he wouldn’t have to bear the sight of love all around him and could wallow in the self-misery and sadness by himself.
He searched for his lost love, hoping fate would have turned her soul into an angel and sent her up here, but that was almost a decade ago and he had no luck in ever seeing her again.
And so, he spends his days drowning in depression and lost in his misery. But at least he can feel the warmth of the sun.
Cupid watches from her place behind the trees, her feet dipping into the cool water of the lake. She observes with curiosity as the tears fall from his eyes, the light bouncing off his smooth skin. His large, black wings are spread out on the grass as he lays in it, the muscles of his arms and shoulders carved out like the sculptures in her favorite colosseum. She’s seen demons before, most of them rude and intimidating. But she senses a strong purity in him, a longing for love that she can’t quite figure out.
He’s exceptionally beautiful and she can’t help but continue to stare at him, intrigued by his childlike aura. He’s asleep now, his face peaceful except for the worry furrowed into his eyebrows. He’s dreaming of something. Or someone.
Suddenly, her bow pulses with purpose, and she gets the familiar urge of striking him with an arrow. She doesn’t though, still sitting against the oak of the tree and swishing her feet in the water.
Since she became of age, Cupid’s job is to be the sole matchmaker of the immortals in Heaven. She observes the gods and other angels, and when her intuition lets her know it’s time to strike, she pierces them with her love arrow, entrapping them in her spell.
It only hurts them for a moment, but then they are filled with a feeling of bliss and happiness. They are drawn to their one true love and well… Fate takes care of the rest.
Her spell is not just some silly party trick. It invokes real feelings that are brought to the surface by her power. It opens the mind and heart, allowing your true destiny to play out.
But it’s never allowed her to strike a demon. Firstly, demons are not usually allowed in Heaven, unless it’s a special circumstance. Even so, angels are forbidden to interact with one. So, she is more than a little confused when she feels her intuition tell her to hit him with an arrow.
But the feeling slowly subsides, and she chalks it up to the curiosity she had while watching him. Demons couldn’t love, especially here.
She flies away after a while, in search of her next lover to help. And when she slips away to sleep that night, she finds herself dreaming of the demon’s face and the way he cried so beautifully in the garden of Eden.
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Christopher sits on the cold rocks of the beachy shore, chipping away at the wood he’s been carving into with his small metal knife. Shavings fall to his feet, the pile growing larger on the sand. It’s a cool night, the moon pulling the tide in, the salty breeze flowing through his hair.
He feels different today, like the hole in his chest is slowly repairing itself. It’s only taken about 10 years but even slow progress is still progress. He hums an old tune to himself, his fingers nimble and constant on the craft in his hands when he feels the pair of eyes on him again.
“I know you’re there.” He speaks aloud.
He’s felt a presence near him for the past few days and his powers tell him it’s an angel. The name he’s unsure of but he knows it’s there. He’s allowed it to be, going about his day and not minding, but now he’s getting a little irritated at their prying gaze. The one moment he’s finally starting to feel peace and it’s as if they’re intruding.
He hears some rustling behind him and feels the presence move closer. As soon as he does, he whips around at incredible speed, his wings tensed up in defense and throws his knife out in their direction, intending to pierce their heart.
It flies past the angel’s head, somehow deflected and she lifts her bow immediately, releasing an arrow without hesitation. It pierces into his left shoulder, and he doubles over in pain. Her eyes widen in fear as she realizes what she’s just done .
She flits to him, her wings trembling and hands shaking as she hovers over him. He clutches his shoulder for a few seconds before he lifts his head. He gasps in shock, once he looks into her green and gold eyes, his heart stuttering in his chest.
She takes his shocked reaction as one caused by the pain of her arrow digging into his flesh and she places a hand on his shoulder, pulling the arrow out. It dissipates into the air, vanishing within the blink of an eye. The expression on her face is full of regret and empathy, a hint of embarrassment as she presses her fingers over the wound. “Oh my…. Please forgive me. I was only defending myself against your sudden attack. I didn’t expect you to wield your knife so quickly.”
Her voice is like the plucks of a harp ringing out, soft and light. His eyes dance across her face, and he almost doesn’t believe what he can see.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her brows furrowing in confusion at his dumbfounded expression.
“Yes, I- I’m sorry, you just… look exactly like someone I used to know.” He responds, and he notices the bow she holds in her other hand. “You must be Cupid.”
She nods and removes her grasp from his shoulder, his wound now healed. “Do you feel… any different?”
She hopes to the gods that she hasn’t permanently damaged his soul. If she were to strike any being with an incorrect intention, they’re at risk for death or even worse, to live without ever finding a soulmate. As far as the rules for demons go… she has no idea.
“I feel… strangely happy.” He says and she can’t help the smile that graces her face. “Well, then you’re in luck. My powers seemed to have worked, even on you, Demon. I thought your kind was incapable of love?” She speaks honestly and moves to sit next to him upon the rocks, tucking her bow away.
He chuckles and turns towards her, resting his chin in his hand, his arm atop his knee as he looks into her eyes again. “There are very few things my kind are incapable of. Unfortunately, love is not one of them.”
As he speaks, she realizes now who he is. She’s been watching him again for the past few days, hiding away shyly but intrigued to know who he was. Where he came from and why he was here. Why his energy was so incredibly endearing.
“You are the lost son of Zeus… Christopher.” She tilts her head, taking in his appearance closely now that she was next to him instead of hovering in the shadows.
He wore his dark suit, black gloves on his hands and his even darker wings folded against his back. His hair curled in wisps around his face. And his eyes were bluer than the ocean, even in the black of the night.
“You are correct.” He answers, and his eyes move down her body after he sees her examine him. She is dressed in all white, a flowy gown of fabric draped around her body, and her fluffy white wings expand across her shoulders. She is radiant, glowing with purity. Matching white lace socks and gloves adorn her, her hair in waves down her back.
“Are you not curious to return to him?” she asks, and he looks away now, a sad expression on his face. He shakes his head softly. “No. He has long forgotten of me, busy with his other children. Besides I am too… impure. I’m a demon after all.” He speaks in a somber tone. She is filled with empathy at the sadness pouring out of him in waves and suddenly feels tears fill her eyes.
Cupid can feel others’ emotions strongly. It is a curse and also a blessing, to feel so deeply. And she finds herself enamored with his beauty, his presence and she knows the words he speaks are genuine.
“In every angel a demon hides… and in every demon an angel strides.” She tells him, a few tears falling down her cheek and he looks up at her, surprised by her words. He watches the tears escape from her angel eyes, and before he can stop himself, he’s wiping them away gently with his thumb, the emotion in her gold and green hue of her stare tugging at his heart strings.
“There are many powerful things in this universe, Christopher. But love conquers all. And I have sensed it from you the moment I saw you resting upon the grass in Eden’s garden. Zeus may be the ruler of Heaven, but we are the rulers of our own hearts.”
Time seems to stand still as he takes in the words she speaks, his own tears threatening to spill. He traces his hand lightly down her face, brushing across her neck. He longed to feel her skin against his, his leather glove preventing him from the feeling. But he’s reminded of the hurt and pain that romance and strong feelings like this love she speaks of can bring.
He moves away from her, strong wings stretching out around him. “You are too pure, angel. I thank you for your kind words. But I must go now.” He says and flies away before he can change his mind, retrieving his knife buried into the rock it hit earlier.
She watches him leave with sadness and sinks her feet into the sand. She now wishes she would’ve never come to the beach tonight and thinks to herself that whoever his soulmate is that she’s bound him to is extremely blessed.
It’s then that she notices a wooden carving in the sand next to her feet and picks it up with curiosity. She sees that it’s the face of a woman, her expression happy and familiar. He’s an artist, she thinks. His talent shows through in the details, the way he captures her beauty is breathtaking.
She decides to keep it, carrying it with her as she floats away into the night.
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a/n: part 2 will be out very soon. i really enjoyed creating this story! i love mythology and angels, and things like that so hope you like it too :)
taglist <3: (if you want to be added/taken off, reply to this post or comment on my masterlist. and if you weren't mentioned, it wouldnt let me tag u :/)
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rosicheeks · 1 month
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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sysig · 9 days
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Oh he is So baby (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#SCII#Max Vyer#Teen Max ;; *gently holds*#Like I didn't love him already his teen phase was This Cute??? Stoppp#I am once again relating way too hard to Max lol - it looks? like he's wearing dark eyeliner to me#There's no way he actually has eye bags that dark as a 16 year old right am I just protecting my feelings towards wanting him to be okay :'D#He started drinking before he was 21 but when did he start some of the harder stuff - was him getting on the roof a teen or drug thing#Worried about you Max#Well anyway I choose to believe it's eyeliner lol <3 Which is extremely cute <3#There's something so double-funny to me about having drawn him all cutesy as a baby y'know - cherubic! Adorable blond baby!#And then his emo/grunge/punk phase as a teen but he keeps his blond hair because of his vanity hehehehe I love him!!! So much!!#He's so adorable <3#Anyway yeah I had a dark eyeliner phase as a teen also lol except mine was Classique Fandom Cringe™ ♥#I'd draw the YGO Eye of Ra with my eye acting as the main part of the eye lol teens are goofy like that#Very measured of him to just darken his lower lid really ♪#The collar and the cuffs too I just jdksfladf I can't think of it as anything but extremely cute lol I'm so endeared <3 <3#He's such a brat I love him so much#I talked about how his parents would've still been awful even if he had A Diagnosis but honestly he probably would've been too <3#Not a get-out-of-jail-free card Max!#I - a Max apologist - say lol
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spoonietimelordy · 9 months
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beidouwanning · 1 year
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but i got so wrapped up in actually spending a pleasant few hours with my mother that for a few minutes i forgot i lived in a world where my relationship with my father is just one (1) honest conversation away from completely evaporating as well
#truly hashtag blessed to have shitty relationships with both my parents 😍#personal#with my mother it's the alcoholism and the fact that i feel like she can't fucking stand me#not to mention what she put me and my sister through during out childhood but most of that can be blamed on the alcoholism as well#for my dad it's actually more complex because at no point in my life am i not hyperaware of him abandoning me and my sister back then#he was supposed to PROTECT us and get us out of that environment instead he just spent all of his time at work#just so he didn't have to spend it with our mother which. i get. but he was our FATHER. he was supposed to be there for us.#and whenever i used to come to him for help (and even now because my mom is still an alcoholic and awful) he would just sigh#and act like there is nothing he can do.#and i hate hate hate that i am 27 years old and i still go to my dad and ask him for help and he still doesn't do ANYTHING#i am 27 and yet i am still that 12 year old girl crying and asking him to get a divorce and get me and my sister out#i am still that 8 year old girl asking him why he's gone all the time and leaving us with someone who can't even take care of herself#i am still screaming inside of me and begging my dad for help and he is still ignoring me#and i usually have a good relationship with my dad because we just don't talk about all of that#but every time we have a fight over like the most stupid things a part of me that hates him for abandoning me just wonders why#why are we trying that hard for him when he doesn't for us#why do we take the time explaining our autism symptoms and our problems discerning and using tone#when at the next fight he uses my tone against me anyway again.#why do we explain to him how much it hurts to be ignored by anyone (an issue that STEMS FROM HIM)#when he does it just to hurt me at the next petty fight anyway.#and a part of me just feels like he isn't entitled to getting mad at me at all because i NEVER got mad at him for abandoning me#i never yelled at him even though i wanna and i never blamed him to his face i was mature and i didn't bring it up#and now he has the AUDACITY to get mad at me for telling him to clean up after himself because i 'said it in an accusatory tone'??#i know this seems unfair of me but he doesn't get to do that. not when he abandoned me in hell when i was only 5 fucking years old#maybe even younger idk how long my mother has been a drinker#he doesn't get to get angry with me over stupid shit not when he abandoned me as a child and i never got angry at him for it#not when he ignored all my pleading and suffering and didn't do SHIT to help me#i don't think i will ever get over this. i don't think i will ever have a normal relationship with either of my parents.#i don't think i will ever get over my childhood. i don't think i can. i don't know how to.#anyway.
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girlrotterr · 1 month
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But I'm a lesbian!
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ellie x abby x dina x fem!reader a/n: inspired by the movie, "but i'm a cheerleader" !! Did my own little spin on it. (This may have a part two!)
→ Part two! → Part three! → Part four!
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Forced to a camp known as "True Directions," your arrival was no choice of your own. Your parents, upon discovering your sexuality, had made the decision to send you there. As you followed your guide towards the dormitories, someone caught your eye—a girl with auburn hair, casually puffing on a cigarette.
Noticing your presence, the girl glanced up and rolled her eyes. Your guide gestured towards her, prompting her to approach you. Extending her hand, she introduced herself, "Ellie."
"Hello," you responded, your voice betraying your nerves as you shook her hand, noting its soft yet firm grip.
With a sigh, Ellie remarked, "they sent new meat here again, huh?" She took another drag from her cigarette, casting a judgmental gaze in your direction.
"I’m sure to be out of the way," you said, trying to sound confident. "I’ll pass every trial here to get back home."
A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. “Uh-huh..." she mused. “You’ll be here a while then."
“Ahem," the guide cleared her throat towards Ellie, who responded with an eye roll before retreating to her pink bed.  
"Very well then, I will leave you to unpack your things. This will be your dorm. You will share this space with three other roommates, feel free to report anything back to me," she said, her tall and commanding presence by her bouncing blond hair as she talked.
"Especially anything involving this one," she added, shooting a glance at Ellie. 
"Well," the guide grasped your arms, giving them a squeeze, "welcome to 'True Directions,' we'll fix you right up, dear!”
You gave a hesitant half-smile, trying to hide your discomfort. 
Returning your gesture with a bright smile, the guide nodded happily before leaving, closing the door behind her with a soft click.
Silence. 
Clutching onto your suitcases, the silence became increasingly awkward, and you debated whether to speak up. Should you ask where to put your belongings? But the fear of annoying or bothering Ellie made you hesitant.
Fuck it.
"Um, excuse me, where can I—"
"There," Ellie interrupted, her tone nonchalant as she pointed toward a corner of the room, her gaze still not meeting yours.
Your eyes followed her gesture to an empty white dresser tucked away, starkly different from the others that were already occupied. Making your way towards the dresser, you took in the room once more. The overwhelming femininity was hard to ignore—pink walls, beds, and shelves adorned with stuffed animals. Setting your suitcase down with a thud, you unzipped it, the sound of the zipper echoing loudly in the silent room.
Opening the drawer, the scent of brand new furniture wafted across your nose, tickling it and nearly causing you to sneeze.
Ellie got up from her bed, pulling open her drawer with a tug. In it were an assortment of items—makeup, hair accessories, and jewelry jumbled together. Rummaging through it, Ellie let out a sharp exhale, finally finding something from the depths of the drawer.
Without a glance in your direction, she held out a ribbon and a few hair clips. "Here," she muttered.
Your eyes widened at the adorable accessories as she tossed them over to you. "Put your hair up or something. It's better not to have it in the way, especially during our routines.”
"Ah, thank you," you expressed, catching them. "Are these.. yours?"
"Yeah... unfortunately," Ellie responded dryly.
With a nod, you started to arrange your hair with the clips.
As you styled your hair, the weight of Ellie's gaze pressed against your back like a physical force. Every subtle movement you made was studied, from the way you lifted strands of hair to the careful twisting of the ribbon around the ponytail. Even the simple act of tucking a stray lock behind your ear felt intense.
What’s this girl's deal?
The intensity of her stare became almost suffocating, leaving your hands trembling slightly as you worked. Despite her focus only on your hair, the sensation of being under her gaze felt like she was peering into your soul.
Finally, Ellie broke the silence with a quiet, husky voice, her words cutting through the tension. "You need a mirror?"
Her gaze remained fixed on you, relentless.
"No," you managed to reply, attempting to be confident.
But the moment her voice echoed throughout the room, heat began rising to your cheeks, and you couldn’t help but hesitate. Her presence felt overwhelming, a mix of nerves, fear, and desire swirling within you, all under her attention.
“Hm..” Ellie replied, seeming more curious now. She uncrossed her arms and slowly walked over to you. You could hear the way Ellie’s footsteps made the floor creak as she walked.
"Hm?" you managed to utter as Ellie closed in on you, her presence surrounding you with every step she took. The breath from her lips brushed against the nape of your neck as she leaned in.
"You're missing a strand," Ellie said, her voice softer than before.
The sensation of her being so close, her breath teasing your skin. You wanted to turn around and face her.
Her closeness was so overwhelming.
As Ellie's hand brushed against your hair, a sharp shiver coursed through your spine, setting your heartbeat into a quick rhythm. Her touch lingered, fingers twirling strands of your hair, as she leaned in even closer, so suffocatingly close. It felt as though Ellie was on the verge of whispering something, her breath agonizingly near-
"Yo, Ellie!"
The tension in the room broke as Dina and Abby burst in, causing Ellie to let go of your hair and step back.
Their expressions shifted abruptly from excitement to surprise as they noticed you. Dina's curious gaze looked over, her head tilting in confusion, while Abby's cold stare pierced through you.
"You must be the new one," Abby remarked, her tone icy, her eyes never leaving you as if dissecting your very being.
"Y-yeah.. I am," you responded, finally finishing your hair.
Abby simply nodded in acknowledgment, while Dina chuckled to herself.
"Aw, the new girl is all nervous!" Dina's teasing remark was followed by a smirk and a playful wave of her hand. She shifted her attention to Ellie, observing her growing annoyance. Dina seemed to catch on to something, finding the situation amusing.
"Ooooh! Ellie was hitting on ya!" Dina's snickering only added to Ellie's frustration as she clenched her jaw tightly, arms crossed.
Abby, maintaining her silent observation, continued to stare at the both of you.
"Ah! no..she was just helping me with my hair," you replied, attempting to stop the teasing.
"Awh. Is that so?" Dina's teasing tone persisted as she continued to giggle, her gaze towards Ellie who remained annoyed.
Abby's gaze suddenly shifted as she walked towards you, gently pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Her touch was surprisingly tender.
"There," she remarked softly, a smile gracing her lips, the gesture catching you off guard. It was so unexpected. "You had missed a strand."
Abby looked back at Ellie, a smirk on her lips, her eyes flickering as she made a mocking glance with her.
Suddenly, the camp director barged in, her authoritative voice vibrating throughout the room. "Ladies!" she commanded, making all the girls snap their attention towards the door where the camp director now stood.
Ellie groaned as soon as she heard that familiar voice.
"All of you, get out for morning exercise," the director ordered, her stern gaze scanning everyone. "Now."
With a swift turn, the camp director walked out of the room, the echo of her clicking heels fading as she left. Abby, Dina, and Ellie all groaned in unison, knowing what was to come. They made their way to their designated dressers, preparing to change into their gym clothes.
Amidst the shuffling of clothing, you voiced your confusion. "W-what are we doing?"
Abby scoffed at your question, a smirk on her lips. "Did Ellie not go through the routines and rules with you?"
You shook your head.
"Not surprising," she remarked before chuckling, "she always seems to get distracted-"
“We're doing morning cardio and stretching routines,” Ellie cut in, her voice clear and assertive, pulling out her sports bra and short shorts. “Your gym clothes are in your dresser.”
Abby bit her lip, suppressing a laugh. "Well, there you go.”
You nodded in understanding, “thanks..”
Walking to your dresser, you pulled open the top drawer, revealing a variety of outfits and uniforms, all varying shades of pink. The sight left your head spinning a bit as you realized this would be your life for the next couple of months.
As you began changing, you felt a wave of self-consciousness wash over you. With hesitant movements, you peeled off your shirt and skirt, the fabric slipping from your skin with a soft rustle. All the while, you were aware of Abby and Ellie's eyes lingering on you.
 Abby's gaze, though subtle, was sharply observant, her eyes tracing up and down your body with an almost predatory glare. It was as if she was memorizing every curve and contour. Meanwhile, Ellie's attention was more focused, her gaze lingering on specific areas of your body, like your hips and chest. There was an intensity in her stare, a curiosity that was borderline intrusive.
Slap! 
With a sharp sting on your ass, a sudden jolt of surprise chilled through you, causing you to yelp. "You'll make us late at this pace!" Dina's voice rang out, her arm wrapping around you protectively, shielding you from the view of Abby and Ellie.
"Ah! You're right," you exclaimed, quickly slipping into your gym clothes.
Dina gave you a quick grin before turning her attention towards Abby and Ellie. Squinting her eyes playfully, she shook her head slowly, teasingly disappointed in the two of them. Abby hurriedly looked away, pretending to be preoccupied with tying her shoelaces, while Ellie rolled her eyes.
───
As you and the other girls made your way to the track, you found yourselves walking together in a small group. Ellie and Abby led the way, showing no signs of slowing down despite your struggle to keep up. Meanwhile, Dina’s pace was slower, occasionally glancing at you.
"So, how'd you get caught?" Dina asked slyly, a mischievous look in her eyes.
You turned to look at her, taken aback by the sudden question. "What?"
"You were sent here for a reason," Dina said curiously, making Abby and Ellie turn their heads, intrigued to hear your response.
"I..don't think I want to share," you said, avoiding eye contact from feeling a bit nervous.
"Oh, come on!" Dina urged, now walking next to you, realizing your hesitance. "Don't be so shy. How about we tell you ours? Will that make you less embarrassed?"
"Hmm..alright," you agreed. Maybe learning about their experiences would help get to know them.
Excitedly, Dina clapped her hands together. "Okay, okay! I'll go first." She moved closer to you, her shoulder practically bumping into yours. "I got caught watching lesbian porn."
A snicker escaped Ellie's lips as she tried to hold back her laughter.
Dina shot a playful glare. "You have no right to laugh, El's."
"Doesn't make it any less funny," Ellie retorted.
Dina scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Since it’s sooo funny, you go then."
Ellie's eyes locked onto yours, her voice embarrassed. "I ordered a strap online, and it got delivered to the wrong address. To my fucking neighbor, Seth. Dude went ballistic and sent me here, said I needed to be controlled."
A rush of heat flooded your cheeks as Ellie's words sank in, full of curiosity and intrigue. The mere idea of her wearing a strap sent a flow of sensations that pulsed throughout your body. Your throat became dry trying to visualize it. 
"Ab's! Your turn!" Dina interrupted excitedly, Abby's story was always her favorite.
Abby smirked, turning her gaze towards you. "Unlike Ellie, I got to use my strap," she remarked mischievously.
Ellie groaned at Abby'scomment, clearly unimpressed.
“I got caught fucking my father's assistant nurse with it.”
Dina squealed as she shook your arm excitedly. "Now THAT'S a coming out story!" she exclaimed.
Ellie shot Dina a glare, clearly annoyed by her reaction. With a scoff, she turned her head away, facing in the opposite direction.
Abby, on the other hand, smirked at Ellie's and playfully hit her back. "Aw, it's okay, El's," she said reassuringly.
"Okay, okay, tell us yours now," Dina urged eagerly, her and Abby's curious gazes fixed on you,
“Well..” you began, your hands fidgeting nervously as you mustered up the courage. “My parents walked in on me and my cheer captain…” You hesitated for a moment before continuing “...69’ing on the kitchen counter.” 
Ellie quickly snapped her head back to look at you. Dina and Abby’s eyes widened, completely startled.
“Y-yeah…” you confirmed, meeting the girls' shocked gazes. “Mid-squirt too…”
Ellie’s eyes widened as if they were going to pop. Dina’s jaw dropped, with her mouth slowly curving into a smirk, “You fucking win.”
───
"Alright, ladies," the head director announced, her voice carrying across the track, “forty-five minutes around the track, as per usual. Afterward, we hit the showers in preparation for cooking classes."
"Remember, ladies," she continued excitedly, "these skills aren't just beneficial, they also attract men! It's just another step closer to becoming 'normal'."
The moment the word "normal" left the director's lips, you noticed the collective eye rolls and groans from the other girls. Ellie's jaw tightened as she stared away, grumbling under her breath. Abby crossed her arms, completely unamused, while Dina couldn't help but snicker, lowering her face to hide her giggle.
With a sharp blow of the whistle, the director signaled the start of the morning run.
As you began your laps around the track, you couldn't help but notice the effortless speed and stamina of Ellie and the other girls. They seemed to glide around the track with ease.
Struggling to keep up, your legs began to burn. Your breath came in short, ragged gasps as you pushed yourself onward.
"Hey, you doing okay?" Abby asked.
"Ye..yeah..." you managed to reply between heavy breaths.
Abby arched an eyebrow, clearly seeing through you. "You do know we have about 20 more laps to go, right?"
Before you could respond, a sudden stumble sent you tumbling to the ground. Abby instinctively reached out to help, but her attempt only resulted in her losing her balance, causing her to trip and accidentally pull Ellie down with her.
Ellie hit the concrete hard, her knee taking the force of the fall. Gritting her teeth, she clenched her jaw tightly as pain shot through her scrapped knee. With all three of you on the ground, the sudden scene caused a chuckle from Dina. "Holy shit, you guys fell like bowling pins," she remarked.
"Shit, sorry El's-" Abby began to apologize.
“What the fuck is your problem?!” Ellie yelled, her tone cold as she glared up at Abby.
Abby glared back at Ellie, her expression tense. "What-"
“Watch where you’re fucking going. It’s not that hard,” Ellie snarled, gritting her teeth as she noticed the large scrape on her knee.
“T-that was on me-" you added, feeling guilty for the accident.
Abby suddenly got up, her face contorted with anger as she looked down at Ellie. “I didn’t mean to, I-"
Ellie suddenly stood up too, her height making her have to look up at Abby. “I’m so fucking sick of you trying to assert something. It’s fucking annoying.”
Abby scoffed, “Yeah? I’m tired of your pussy fucking attitude.” She then moved closer towards Ellie, the sudden bump causing Ellie to sway a bit.
Ellie chuckled, tilting her head to the side before locking eyes with Abby. “Pussy, huh?” 
“You are what you fucking eat,” Abby snapped back, her tone sharp.
You got up from the concrete floor, every inch of your body feeling the lingering sting from the sudden impact. “She didn’t mean to, I tripped and-” you tried to explain, but before you could finish, Ellie raised her fist. Her initial target being Abby, who managed to step back just in time to avoid the blow. Unfortunately, you stepped further, positioning yourself between them, but before you could react, Ellie's fist mistakenly met your nose.
“Holy shit!” Dina yelled, her hand covering her mouth in shock.
You felt the impact jolt through your body as you stumbled back, finding stability in Abby's embrace as her arms wrapped around you from behind.
“Fuck, I am so sorry-" Ellie began to apologize, her voice filled with remorse.
“Fucking really?!?” Abby yelled, frustrated as she stepped you to the side. “You fucking hit her!”
“I didn’t mean to!” Ellie yelled back, her tone defensive as she tried to explain herself.
“Didn’t mean to? You punched her!” 
“G-guys, I’m fine-" you said, your voice strained through the pain, attempting to step towards them again, holding your throbbing nose.
“I was clearly trying to punch your bitch ass!” Ellie yelled.
“Oh yeah?” Abby raised her fist, aiming for Ellie, her knuckles clenched as she intended to give her a piece of her mind for hurting you and being such a brat. However, as you stepped in between them once again, Abby's fist accidentally hit you, the impact shocking you and causing a blur in your vision.
“Oh my god!” Dina yelled, her eyes widening in horror as she flinched.
You stumbled backward, the world blurring around you as you tripped over your loose shoelace, your body rushing towards the concrete floor once again, jarring your senses and sending a wave of pain through your body.
Abby took her hands to her chest, her mouth covered in disbelief.
“fuck, fuck, fuck! Are you okay?” Ellie exclaimed, her voice filled with concern as she quickly knelt down beside you.
Your nose was now bleeding, droplets of blood scattering across the concrete floor like raindrops. The metallic tang of blood filled the air, mixing with the scent of sweat. You winced as pain shot through your face, throbbing relentlessly.
“I think my nose is broken…” you managed to say, your words muffled by the blood dripping down your face.
“Now nobody can sit on her face,” Dina groaned.
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theemporium · 4 months
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[13.2k] the chalet was your home away from home in the festive season. but this year it may become the place you fall in love with the last person you expected. ft my very limited knowledge on how skiing works. (very lazy smut included)
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Your family had always gone to The Chalet with the Montgomery’s for as long as you could remember. 
One spontaneous ski trip decades ago led your parents to start a tradition that would last through the generations. Every year, both families would fly out to the mountains of France to enjoy the festive season in the homely ski resort called The Chalet. Owned and ran by an elderly couple, it was the kind of place you would see in hallmark movies, or maybe even in a snowglobe. It was a place beyond your greatest winter wonderland dreams and imagination. The Chalet didn’t feel like a real place, and that was why the getaway every Christmas made the holiday so magical. 
It was your home away from home, a safe haven. It was the one place in the world where you could disappear from reality and embrace the isolation from society. 
At least, that was what the three weeks in the ski resort usually felt like. 
And after a year of moving away from home, starting a new job at the bottom of the food chain and dealing with more social circle drama than you ever intended to deal with, you craved nothing more than the simplicity and enjoyment The Chalet had to offer. You needed the break away from your life, a break away from the life you weren’t totally sure you had under control. 
You just wanted your home away from home, and instead when the families arrived at the resort, you were met with crowds of strangers swarming the place like a colony of buzzing, irritating bees. 
“What the hell?” You muttered once you had stepped out of the car, looking at the throng of people lingering outside the main entrance to the resort. 
“Apparently the place is booked out,” your mother noted from somewhere behind you as they began to unpack the bags from the boot of the car. “Madame Blanchet reserved our usual rooms when she started getting more and more bookings.” 
“Since when was this place overbooked?” You commented, a little blunter than intended. But it was hard to mask your surprise. A part of The Chalet’s charm was that it was a small, unknown ski resort hidden amongst the many that were established in the French Mountains. For as long as you could remember—hell, even before that—there hadn’t been more than ten or so families staying at the resort over the Christmas period. 
“Maybe Madame Blanchet finally learnt how to make a website,” a voice remarked from beside you, sounding quite amused by the mass of people, which shouldn’t have really surprised you. 
And just like you expected, you turned your head to find Harper Montgomery grinning widely at the crazy crowd like she was expecting it. She stood beside you with her hands on her hips, something about the bright ski suit looking so out of place, not that she acted as much. Every year, you swore The Chalet wasn’t ready for her and every year you were proven correct. 
“Considering the woman still has a dial phone, I am going to doubt the sudden online advertisement,” you snorted, shaking your head.
“Maybe this will be the Christmas we make new friends,” Harper noted, her head tilted to the side and her dark eyes scanning the crowd. “I am pretty sick of Mrs Hartford beating me at scrabble.”
Your lips twitched upwards. “Maybe you should stop challenging her then.”
Harper’s eyes narrowed. “Never.” 
“I still don’t get why so many people are waiting outside,” you grumbled as your eyes fell back to the crowd, noticing the way they were buzzing with some sort of excitement. “I don’t even think the lodge has enough rooms for this many people.” 
Harper hummed. “Maybe—”
“OH MY GOD!” 
Your eyes widened in alarm as you turned your head, seeing Evan standing a few feet away from you and Harper. The older Montgomery was gripping his phone, eyes full of adoration and awe as he grinned at his screen like a madman. He let out a high-pitched squeak, catching the attention of both families as they looked at him with varying looks of concern.
The blond finally lifted his head, oblivious to the worried looks as his grin seemingly widened. He thrusted a phone towards you and Harper, almost buzzing in his spot. “He’s here!”
Your brows furrowed together. “What?”
“He’s here!” Evan repeated, just as enthusiastic as the first time. “He is in our ski lodge! He’s here!” 
You still looked equally confused. “Who?” 
“His little man-crush,” Harper noted as she glanced down at his screen. 
“Charles Leclerc!” Evan sighed, almost dreamily as he hugged his phone to his chest. “We are spending Christmas with Charles Leclerc!” 
You rolled your eyes and shook your head, pushing past the boy to grab your suitcase so you could finally go check in. “For fuck’s sake, not your little driving guy.” 
“Hey,” Evan frowned. “He’s more than that.” 
“I have to listen to you talk about him for nine months of the year,” you remarked, though even that felt like an understatement. “Christmas is meant to be my free time from your little obsession. We made a deal.”
Evan blanched. “That was before I knew he was here!” 
“And now he’s ruining Christmas,” you grumbled bitterly, letting out a wince when you felt a pinch to your side.
“Don’t be such a grinch,” Harper teased. “Let him be a fanboy and spend his days on the slopes hunting the guy down. Don’t let it ruin your holiday.”
You snorted. “That will be hard when he is talking our ears off about Charles’ pretty green eyes or the way his hair looks after a race.”
“It’s fluffy!” Evan defended. “It’s unreal after a two hour race in a helmet!” 
“Whatever,” you muttered as you patted the boy on the chest as you moved past him. “You have him all to yourself, you won’t see me complaining about it.” 
Evan puffed his chest out. “You just can’t appreciate greatness.”
“Blah, blah, blah,” you waved him off. “I’m here to ski and relax. As long as this Charles guy keeps you and his little fanbase far away from me, I don’t care what he does.” There was a pause and Harper gave you a questioning look when she saw the glint in your eyes. “Even if he is overrated.”
Evan’s jaw dropped. “You did not just—”
“Last one in is a rotten egg!” You called out behind you as you grabbed Harper’s hand, dragging her towards the main entrance with you and letting your laughs echo through the reception as the boy swore up and down behind you.
You could have said that your resentment towards the Ferrari driver was purely based on how much Evan spoke about him during the racing season, but that would be a lie. 
It had started off that way when the boy finally made it into Formula One. Evan had been a motorsport fanatic from a young age, always eager to ramble away to you and Harper on various championships and seasons neither of you particularly cared about. As you got older, you learned to become more accepting and tolerant of the fact your Sundays would always be hijacked by whatever grand prix was occurring that weekend. 
However, when a young hot shot joined the sport that Evan had been following through the lower leagues, you didn’t realise just how quickly that tolerance would disappear until he was yapping your ear off after every single race. 
And truthfully? You didn’t get it. You didn’t get the sport in general, you didn’t understand what made a driver good or bad, and you didn’t understand the world’s obsession with Charles Leclerc as the years passed. To you, he just seemed like a pretty boy who enjoyed the spotlight of being the face of the sport. To you, he seemed like nothing more than a show pony. 
And no amount of debates and rants from Evan would change that. 
You wouldn’t have gone out of your way to say you hate Charles Leclerc, but you would say you were coming pretty damn close since you arrived at The Chalet.
The Chalet was bustling from the moment you opened your eyes to the moment you fell asleep. Wherever you went, it felt like you were pushing through a crowd to get from point A to point B. And the amount of times you had fans gripping your arm as you walked past, asking you if you had seen the Monegasque driver was starting to make you want to rip your own hair out. 
Yet, despite the buzz around the driver being in the lodge and the amount of fans circling the place through various hours of the day, you had yet to see the boy himself and that was something you were perfectly content with.
You had managed two blissful days before you crossed paths with Charles Leclerc. 
You had been taking too long to get ready so you assured Harper and Evan you would meet them at the slopes, insisting there was no need for them to wait for you. Both Montgomery’s—stubborn as ever—scoffed and told you they would be waiting for you in the lobby instead. 
You had been in a rushed state when you made your way towards the equipment valet, eager to just quickly hand your locker number over and collect your equipment. However, your path seemed to be blocked by a man standing in front of you, nose buried in his phone as he muttered in a language you didn’t quite understand. 
“Excuse me, do you mind if I just—” 
“Fucking hell,” the man swore, causing you to pause and frown at his back. 
You were taken aback, not expecting that response or the scoff that left his lips afterwards. And when he turned around, you were even more shocked when you realised you knew exactly who the rude man was—none other than Charles Leclerc. 
“Look, I appreciate that you are a devoted fan and I am grateful for the support, but I really don’t have time for pictures right now,” Charles continued and, to his credit, did look a little empathetic. Though, that didn’t take away from the underlying hostility in his words. “I am just here to enjoy my break. Please let me do so in peace.” 
You blinked, absolutely flabbergasted by his assumption. “Huh?”
The smile he gave you was almost condescending. “As a fan, I am sure you’d understand that I’d want a few days just free from the media and—”
And it seemed like only then did your brain catch up with the situation. 
“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart, I am not a fan,” you stated as bluntly as you could, watching the boy’s face morph into something quite like confusion. As though he genuinely couldn’t compute the fact somebody wasn’t a fan of him. 
“What?”
“I was just trying to get my skis and you were standing in my way like a douche,” you said simply, watching as his brows furrowed closer together. “Which I would have felt bad for calling you before I realised who you were.”
“Who I was,” Charles repeated, still baffled as you pushed past him to do just as you said. 
“Hot shot who thinks everybody who breathes near him cares about who he is,” you supplied, a sickly sweet smile on your face as you now stood before him with your skis in hand. “Have a great day, Charles Leclerc.”
And the boy didn’t get a chance to say anything as you walked away, your mood positively ruined by the time you reached Evan and Harper in the lobby. They took one look at your sour mood and raised their brows in question, but you simply grumbled and waved them off, in no mood to repeat your interaction to Charles’ biggest sympathiser. 
Fortunately for the Montgomery siblings, your mood eased up by lunchtime and you were (mostly) over the whole interaction. 
Or at least, you were over the interaction until dinner came around. 
Dinner at The Chalet was like one massive family meal. With a large hall dedicated as the dining area, the Blanchet’s had set it up quite like a buffet system. There were tables of food bordering the room with tables dotted through the middle. Everyone sat on the round tables, in their little families and looking like a picture perfect scene for the final meal of the day. 
So of course your final meal of the day had to be ruined by an arrogant Monegasque who grinned at you like you two were old friends. 
“Ah, you! I’ve been looking for you.”
Truthfully, you wouldn’t have even realised he was talking to you if it weren’t for the fact the boy had stopped right beside you, practically looming over your shoulder as you tried to help yourself to some macaroni cheese.
You raised your brows, giving the boy a once-over before returning your attention to your plate. 
“Uh, hello,” Charles tried again, his brows furrowing together a little at the cold shoulder you gave him.
“Hi,” you stated simply, not wanting to spend any more moments with the Monegasque than you had to. 
“I wanted to apologise for earlier,” Charles continued, seeing your response as an open invite to a conversation. 
“Do you now?”  
“Yeah,” Charles nodded, a smile making its way onto his face as your sarcastic tone went completely over his head. “Listen, I really didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just—this is my holiday and I had no intention of my location being leaked. I just wanted a break from everything, you know? And I guess the frustrations of being bombarded for the last few days just got to me.” 
And truthfully speaking, a part of you sympathised with the boy. Though his fame reached levels you would never understand, The Chalet was your haven away from everything. It was a place where reality never seemed to touch, a place to escape. You could understand better than anyone what it was like to crave that feeling in your life. 
But just as you opened your mouth to say as much, Charles seemed to remind you exactly why you disliked him in the first place.
“And I just wanted to clear things up with you before the media found out and—” 
“So, you’re only apologising because you don’t want me running to journalists and ruining your image?” You interrupted, catching the boy off-guard as he gaped at you for a few seconds.
“Well, yes, it wouldn’t look good if I was harassing fans,” Charles said.
“But I’m not a fan,” you corrected him, gripping your plate in your hands. “And I certainly don’t care about shattering someone’s image for fifteen seconds of fame, no matter how much of a douche they are.”
Charles frowned. “I—” 
“You can take your apology and shove it up your ass, Charles,” you said, that sickly sweet smile on your face once again as you turned around to find whichever table your family were sitting at. But a hand reached out to softly grip your elbow and you turned to find Charles looking at you with a helpless expression. 
“I am sorry,” Charles said to you, something in his voice that you didn’t really understand. “But I also care about my image. Surely you can understand that.” 
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you retorted as you tried to tug yourself free from his hold. 
Charles opened his mouth to reply, but a louder voice caught the attention of both of you. 
“STORMY! OVER HERE!” 
You felt your face heat up as you glanced over your shoulder, finding Evan sat amongst your family and his own as he waved you down. He had a shit-eating grin on his face (most likely from the fact he used the one nickname that he knew pissed you off more than anything else in front of everyone) and looked like he was about to do more when his gaze shifted to the man beside you. His jaw dropped, a comical expression on his face as he looked between you and Charles Leclerc.
“Stormy?” Charles repeated, looking over at you. 
You ignored his questioning gaze, instead narrowing your eyes at the hand still gripping your elbow. “Can you let me go now or is there more to your shitty apology?”
Charles opened his mouth once again, yet another person interrupted him before he got a chance.
“Charles? What’s taking you so long?”
Your eyes wandered to the girl who saddled up beside him, her expression light until she turned to look at you. Her gaze was calculated, her blue eyes seeming to size you up and something about the all white attire made you wonder if she was really playing into the Ice Queen vibes. 
“Another fan?” She sighed, as though your presence was the biggest inconvenience to her. “Honey, he can take pictures with you after dinner—”
“That’s fine, we’re done here,” you quickly corrected, ignoring the patronising tone in her voice or the way that Charles still looked like he had more to say. “I won’t be bothering either of you anytime soon.” 
You turned on your heels before either one of them had a chance to drag out the interaction any longer than it needed it to be. You weaved through the tables before making your way towards the table your family had chosen, settling yourself in the free seat beside Evan.
“That was Charles Leclerc!” 
You hummed, grabbing your fork as you began to dig in. “Unfortunately so.” 
“Dude, what the hell!” Evan hissed, pinching your side until you let out a small squeak and turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew him?”
You frowned. “I don’t.”
“You were talking to him for ages!” Evan countered. 
“He was just being a dick,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. “Plus, that was probably the last time I’ll ever talk to him.” 
Harper snorted. “And you didn’t even get him an autograph.”
“Not that I would ask,” you prefaced before shaking your head. “But I doubt he would have given me one anyways. We…got off on the wrong foot.” 
“It’s Charles Leclerc,” Evan scoffed. “There is no wrong foot.” 
“Keep it in your pants, dickhead,” you teased, lightly pinching his side back in retaliation. “Even if I did get you an autograph, I would have shredded it after the Stormy stunt you just pulled.”
“But that’s your name,” Evan grinned.
“No, it’s what you called me for seven years because you couldn’t remember my name,” you retorted. 
“No, he remembered,” Harper piped in, a grin on her face that scarily matched her brother’s. “But with a temper like yours, Stormy just fits so much better.” 
You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. You both suck and so does Charles Leclerc.” 
“At least wait until dessert before you start insulting Evan’s boyfriend in front of him.” 
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
You had expected that was the last time your path would ever cross with Charles Leclerc and, for the most part, it was. 
A few days passed and other than some awkward shared glances in the dining hall, you hadn’t found yourself caught in a conversation with the Ferrari driver after his attempted apology and you were intending to keep it that way until the end of your trip. You were happy to continue on with your holiday, even if you swore you could feel a pair of eyes watching you sometimes. 
However, it seemed like the universe was on a mission to get your hopes up before crumbling them back down again—and this time, it was in the form of another involuntary meeting with the Monegasque. 
You hadn’t even noticed the boy standing a few feet away from you with a group of his friends. You were stood next to Harper, listening to her ramble away as you waited in line for the ski lift to take you to the top of the mountain. It was fairly early, most of the resort residents still enjoying their breakfast inside which meant the queue wasn’t very long. You had been eager to get out on the snow early after being one of the last in the passing days. 
However, whilst you failed to notice the driver, it seemed like Harper had. 
She watched the boy continuously glance over at you, like he was eager to catch your eye. She watched as he slowly shuffled closer, like he was trying to gain the confidence to jump into the conversation. She watched Charles Leclerc act like a hopeless fool, and it was somewhat endearing to witness.
And maybe—just maybe—she was in the mood for some drama that the vacation in the ski resort very rarely gave her. 
You were already settled in your spot when you felt someone shuffling in the seat next to you. You felt the comfort bar come down and you turned with a smile, ready to continue your conversation with your best friend when you realised your best friend was not the person sitting next to you. 
No, it was Charles Leclerc. 
Your head whirled around, finding Harper standing in the queue with a grin on her face. You shot her a look, one that spoke more than a thousand words on just how you felt about her betrayal. However, the girl just laughed and waved you off as the lift began moving and it was far too late to get off. 
Your attention shifted to the boy beside you again, noticing the sheepish expression on his face and you let out a sigh. 
It was fine. Totally fine. The ski lift took around ten minutes to get to the top of the mountain. That was hardly anything, practically a blink of an eye if you were being honest. It would be a quick ride up, you wouldn’t even have to talk to him and you could easily ignore him by the time you made your way back down the mountain. It was all going to be so, so fine.
“So, uh, how are you this morning?” 
And suddenly, even a second felt like ten years passing. 
You kept your head facing forward, hoping the boy would catch the hint that you weren’t interested in small talk and would also remain silent. Though, considering the fact he was fidgeting in his seat, you doubted the boy could keep quiet for longer than thirty seconds.
“The weather is great, right?”
Your brows furrowed together. The weather? Really?
“The pancakes were also really good at breakfast this morning. Did you have any?” He continued, only pausing for a moment when he realised you were making a point of not answering him. “Stormy?”
One simple word and that was enough for you to break your silence.
“Don’t call me that,” you snapped, a little harsher than you truly intended but the sentiment remained.
Charles blinked. “You don’t want me to call you your name?”
“It’s not my name,” you replied. 
He blinked again. “But in the dining hall—”
“It’s a nickname—one that Evan likes to wind me up with because he thinks I’m moody,” you explained before realising the boy didn’t really deserve an explanation. Not when you were adamant to keep this conversation short. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Well, I can see where he gets it from,” Charles said with a small snort. 
You frowned. “Excuse me?”
Seeming to realise what he said and just how it sounded out loud, it was almost comical to watch Charles’ lips part before he awkwardly gaped at his previous comment. “Not like that! I just meant—”
“Whatever,” you muttered as you turned to face forwards again, pleading for the lift to somehow reach the top of the mountain already.
“Look, I’m sorry. This wasn’t how I intended this to go,” Charles admitted, almost sounding a bit pained when he said it, as though he wasn’t used to admitting he was wrong. “I wanted to properly apologise. I shouldn’t have been so rude to you, and I definitely shouldn’t have brushed it off as anything except how you felt.” 
You paused, brows furrowing together as you turned to face him with a curious expression.
Charles blinked. “What?”
“I was just waiting to see if there was a ‘but’ coming,” you confessed.
“No buts,” he assured, pausing for a moment before his cheeks burned pink. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. That’s it.”
You let out a sigh, wishing that some part of you was suspicious about his apology but you weren’t. He sounded genuine, and as much as you wanted to—and still partially did—believe he was a bit of a pompous prick, you couldn’t fault that his apology seemed sincere.
“I accept your apology,” you said, your voice a little strained before you continued. “And I’m also sorry for being a bit of a bitch.”
Charles’ lips parted. “Oh no, you weren’t—”
“I was a little,” you said, your lips twitching upwards as the boy gave you a nervous smile. “I can assure you I won’t be telling any gossip pages about what an asshole Charles Leclerc is.” 
He actually laughed in response, despite the fact that alone would probably make his PR team bury him six feet under before the next season started. “I appreciate that, Stormy.”
You glowered at the nickname, but it only seemed to make the Monegasque laugh harder. 
Despite the exchange of apologies on the ski lift, you expected that to be your last proper interaction with Charles. 
You were also quickly realising that every time—so far—you had assumed as much, you would find yourself face to face with the driver once again. And this time was no different, except it came much earlier than a few days. It happened later that very same day.
You had made your way into the dining hall, grabbing a plate and beginning to survey the large buffet when you felt the warmth of another person standing beside you. You felt a hand brush your arm and turned to find Charles smiling at you. 
“Bonjour, mon ami.” 
You blinked. “What?”
His smile widened. “It means—”
“No, I know what it means,” you quickly corrected, shaking your head a little. “I just…didn’t realise we were friends.”
Charles’ brows furrowed together. “Why wouldn’t we be? I thought we had made up on the ski lift.” 
“Yes but, other than that, we are strangers,” you said to him like it was obvious—and to you, it was. Beyond a few misunderstandings and awkward apologies, the man in front of you was as much a friend to you as any of the other guests in the lodge.
“Well, we can change that now!” He said, and that smile returned to his face. “Turn over a new book or whatever the saying is.” 
Much to your own surprise, you found yourself laughing a little at his response. “Charles, I—”
“STORMY, HURRY UP OR I AM DRINKING YOUR WINE!” 
Both your and Charles’ head snapped over to Evan who was holding a wine glass in each hand, a large smile plastered on his face and a twinkle in his eyes that promised mischief. His hair was still wet from the shower he took before dinner, meaning it was slick back and giving him an almost wannabe Bond villain look. 
You laughed, shaking your head as you turned back to look at the driver. Only you found Charles still looking in Evan’s direction, something contemplative and almost begrudging in his gaze. 
“You okay?”
Charles turned to face you, and it took a mere second for the glare to disappear and be replaced with his bright smile once again. “Yeah, of course. It seems like you’re wanted elsewhere though.”
“He’s a menace,” you said, playfully rolling your eyes but the fondness was clear in your voice. “I love him even if he’s a pain in the ass.”
Charles only let out a contemplative hum as a goodbye as you headed towards the table where your family and the Montgomery’s were sitting. And maybe if you looked over at him as much as he did with you over the course of the dinner, you would have seen Charles looking a little too bitter every time your eyes were on Evan instead of him.
A week had passed in the resort and the Christmas spirit was starting to truly spread as the festive holiday quickly approached. 
Your parents and the Montgomery parents had decided to pass on the slopes, instead choosing to visit infamous glacier caves that had been advertised and talked about by some locals in the lodge. You, Harper and Evan had declined the offer to join them, though the excitement of no parents being around—despite the fact all three of you were firmly in your twenties—seemed to spark a shift in energy in Evan that could only be described as childlike. 
“I have a proposition.” 
Harper already let out a groan, tilting her head back as she did. You couldn’t see her eyes beneath her goggles, but you imagined she was rolling them. “God, no.”
Evan frowned. “You haven’t even heard it yet.”
“Your ideas are shit,” Harper said to her brother. “And usually dangerous.”
“No, they aren’t,” Evan scoffed.
You shrugged. “You don’t have a great track record, if we are being honest.”
“Whatever,” Evan grumbled before grinning at the two of you. “First two to reach the bottom wins. Sabotaging each other’s run is allowed. Loser has to do the forfeit.” 
Your eyes narrowed. “What’s the forfeit?” 
“Loser has to streak in the snow,” he grinned.
“I am not streaking in the snow,” Harper scoffed.
“Then, you better hope you win,” the older Montgomery countered with a grin. 
And begrudgingly, you and Harper agreed to his childish idea.
It wasn’t the first time a silly competition between the three of you got out of hand, and you truly doubted it would be the last. With no rules set and no parents to even try to intervene, it didn’t take very long before the competition got dirty and the run down the slopes became more chaotic. 
You had been running behind Harper, secure in second place and watching her movements closely to look for any weakness that you could exploit. However, you had failed to realise that Evan—who had been running behind after he almost skied into a group of people—was quickly catching up on you. 
You didn't realise until it was too late.
You let out a noise of surprise when you found the boy right by your side, one that quickly became a series of curses when you realised what he was doing. You tried to move away when you noticed him turning into you, but you were too slow and it only put you in a worse position when his pole lodged itself between your skis. 
He was long gone by the time you tumbled into the snow, cackling loudly as he went. You let out a groan of frustration as you turned until you were lying on your back. You winced a little as you tried to awkwardly scramble up onto your feet in hopes of catching up with the Montgomery siblings, but the second a bit of pressure was placed on your ankle, you were crying out in pain and your ass hit the snow once again.
“Shit,” you whispered to yourself as you sat in the snow, tears welling in your lash line at the shot of pain up your leg. 
“Cherie!” 
You lifted your head when you noticed someone skidding to a stop beside you. You blinked at them in a moment of confusion, but the second they removed their goggles and pulled down their mask, you found Charles—or at least, a very worried and concerned version of him—looking down at you. 
He took you in, noticing the glossy sheen to your eyes before he turned back to look over his shoulder, letting out a string of curse words that you were certain were not in English before his attention returned to you.
“Are you okay? What hurts? Is something broken? Should I call for them to send a helicopter—” 
“Charles,” you quickly interrupted the rambling boy. “I’m fine. I’ve probably just sprained my ankle.” 
“Yeah, because of him,” Charles grumbled, mostly under his breath like he had no real intention for you to hear the snide remark.
“It was a joke,” you waved him off, but that only seemed to upset the boy further.
“A joke?” He repeated, his eyes widening in disbelief. “You’re hurt. It’s hardly a funny joke.”
“Charles, calm down.”
The boy just scoffed, shaking his head before he lodged his poles into the snow, keeping them off the main trail before he turned to you and offered his hand. 
You looked at him expectantly. 
“Let me help you get down to the lodge,” he said in as calm a voice as he could manage. 
“Charles—” You began, but he wasn’t having it.
“No, cherie, I am not going to leave you here when you’re injured and alone,” he said, emphasising the last word in particular as he glanced around, almost like he had to remind you that Harper and Evan were most likely at the bottom of the slope by now. 
“Fine,” you said with a sigh, taking his gloved hand in yours as you allowed him to pull you up, keeping your weight on him with ease. “This doesn’t mean we are friends though, Charles.”
He only grinned at you, the first time he seemed a little more like himself since he stopped to check on you.
“Whatever you want to say, Stormy.”
As expected, you had sprained your ankle and were advised to take it easy for the next few days. 
And you were banned from hitting the slopes in fear of making the sprain worse. 
You wanted to be annoyed about the situation—and a small part of you was—but honestly, a few days in the lodge with some peace and quiet seemed like a dream. As much as you loved your family and the Montgomery’s, you needed a break from how loud and giddy and excited they were.
And as the days quickly approached Christmas, it felt like a nice relief to have some time to yourself before the festivities truly took over. 
You had waved them off after breakfast with a smile, teasing them not to miss you too much as they headed towards the slopes. Evan had offered to stay inside with you, even just for today, because of the guilt that he was the one to put you in the position. But you just rolled your eyes, assuring him you were more than happy to sit by the fireplace by the foyer and enjoy a day where you didn’t have to fall flat on your ass in the snow. 
You had been a few chapters into your book, curled up on the couch with your ankle elevated on a pillow with a blanket thrown over you when Charles and his friends made their way downstairs, prepped and ready with the intentions of heading out to the slopes. 
But the boy spotted you and found his feet moving in a different direction. 
“Stormy!”
You lifted your head, unable to even find it in yourself to be annoyed by his constant use of the nickname when he had a pretty smile on his face whenever he said it. He was bundled up in layers, probably on his way to the equipment kiosk before he headed for the lift. He looked comical next to the fire.
“My knight in shining armour,” you greeted, a teasing tilt in your voice but the boy missed it as he took in your appearance. “You look warm.”
“You’re staying in today?” 
You nodded. “Doc’s orders.”
“Alone?” 
You nodded once again. “I told the others they could—”
“I’ll stay with you!”
He said it so quickly that it took you a few seconds before you realised just what he had said. You blinked, your brows furrowing in confusion. “You’re at a ski resort and you don’t want to go skiing?”
“I’ve been skiing every day since I got here,” he said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “I can handle not skiing for a day.”
You flashed him a smile. “It’s fine, you don’t have to—”
“But I want to,” he countered, the words passing his lips with ease.
You hated the way your chest tightened a little at his words. “Oh.”
Charles smiled at your response. 
“Charles, hurry up!” 
You missed the way his brows furrowed together at the voice when you turned to look at the woman standing a few feet away, looking impatient and slightly annoyed. It was the same woman from the other week, the one that looked a little too much like the cold weather personified. You had learnt over the passing days her name was Melanie, but that was about as far as your knowledge on the woman went, other than her clear attitude. 
Charles let out a sigh before he replied, a slightly more strained smile on his face. “Go on without me. I’m gonna stay in the lodge today.”
Melanie frowned. “Why?”
“Because I want to,” Charles stated simply, and the repeated words made your chest feel funny again. 
Melanie glanced over at you and then Charles, and then back to you again. Her eyes were narrowed and her glare felt icy, but before she could even think of saying anything, a friend from the group was calling out to her and she had no choice but to join them. 
Charles turned back to you, an easy smile on his lips once again. “So…what’s the plan?” 
You snorted. “To sit here because I’m practically bedbound, unless I want to hobble somewhere.” 
Charles pressed his lips together. “Well, sitting by the fire with no hot chocolate is sacrilege.” 
Your nose scrunched up. “But I don’t have cookies. Hot chocolate by itself isn’t fun without homemade Christmas cookies.”
“Then we will make them,” Charles said.
You rolled your eyes. “And where are we making them? In our rooms with a kettle, tap water and no other ingredients?”
“Please,” Charles said with a scoff, a glint in his eyes as he looked down at you with a proud glint in his eyes. “I am Charles Leclerc. I have my ways.”
You weren’t sure what strings he pulled, who he bribed or just what he blackmailed the lodge owners with, but you were filled with a sort of unease when Charles returned twenty minutes later. He had changed out of his heavy ski gear into a pair of jeans and a sweater that looked insanely cosy. And he had told you that he needed you to close your eyes, to trust him enough to carry you to the destination with a promise that all the drama would be worth it.
He looked so damn proud when he brought you to the lodge’s kitchen with bowls and whisks and ingredients sprawled across the counter—it made that funny feeling in your chest return. 
“How did you manage this?” You asked, an incredulous laugh leaving your lips when he sat you on the counter. 
“I’m Charles Leclerc, I can get anything I want,” he said, and once upon a time, you would have rolled your eyes and thought he was a pompous dick. You still thought he was a little cocky, but it was an endearing trait now. 
You raised your brows. “Do you, Charles Leclerc, know how to bake?”
“Nope,” he said honestly but he was still smiling. “But I am sure I can make something edible with you guiding me.”
“Smooth,” you snorted. “Don’t blame me if they taste like shit.”
As it would turn out, Charles had an overbearing need to be in control of everything. You guessed it came with the lifestyle, the fact his life is always in the palm of his own hands whenever he sat in a car that raced hundreds of miles an hour. However, it seemed like it also extended to the Monegasque ignoring your very clear and correct instructions to do something he insisted was the right way.
“In what fucking world do you need that much sugar?” You remarked, lips parted in shock as you watched the boy add more. 
“They are sugar cookies, cherie, it’s in the name,” Charles retorted.
“That doesn’t mean the batter should be seventy-five percent sugar!” You huffed as you reached over to try and grab the bag of sugar from him. “You are going to make us both diabetic with one of those damn cookies. Don’t you have a diet you are meant to be following?” 
Charles only grinned, a little mischievous. “Yeah but it’s Christmas.”
You shook your head. “You’re unbelievable.” 
“And you’re bossy,” he countered. 
“And I’m right,” you insisted as you frowned at the batter, wondering if it would be easier to just toss it out and start again. “It’s not my fault you don’t have the ego to handle it.”
“Or your ego can’t handle the challenge,” Charles said, something shining in his eyes like his words had a hidden meaning you couldn’t quite understand. “Tell me you don’t like it.”
You tilted your head a little. “You think you’re the only man to talk back to me, Leclerc?”
His tongue poked the inside of his cheek. “I would like to think I’m the best.” 
You couldn’t ignore the way his eyes darkened, the way it seemed to surge some sort of competition inside him. You couldn’t help but want to play on his fragile male ego a little more.
“And if I said you weren’t?” You questioned, pressing your lips together in a poor attempt to hide your smirk. 
Charles breathed out of his nose, his jaw clenching a little before he replied. “Then I would say Evan is a lucky man to have you.”
And just like that, your smirk dropped. 
“What?” 
Charles frowned a little. “I would say Evan is a lucky man,” he repeated, the words sounding a little forced as they left his lips. “You two seem like…a great match even if he does leave you abandoned on a ski slope after—”
“Oh my god, no!” You blanched, your shoulders hunching up to your ears as you shook your head. “Ew, no! Absolutely not!”
Charles blinked. “Huh?”
“Me and Evan—” You swallowed hard, unable to even get the words out. “It’s not like that between us. I have known him forever, he’s like a brother to me.” 
“Oh,” Charles murmured, taking a few seconds before he grinned. “Oh!” 
“Yeah, oh,” you grumbled.
Charles couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “So, you aren’t—”
“Nope.”
“With Evan or anyone?”
“No one.”
“Good.”
You snorted, rolling your eyes at the giddiness written across his face. If someone told you it was Christmas morning, you would have believed them. “Subtle, Charles.”
“Subtle is my middle name.”
The next day, you met Charles by the foyer fireplace, but this time he was prepared with his own book. 
The day after, he was there again but both your books were quickly abandoned as you chatted away. 
The day after that, neither of you bothered to bring your books down. 
Despite your insistence that he should be out on the slopes enjoying his vacation and the downtime he had in between seasons, Charles was adamant that he was doing exactly what he deemed relaxing. And just like he said earlier, Charles Leclerc gets what he wants—and it seemed he wanted to spend his days huddled in the lodge with you. 
Everyone noticed the budding relationship between you and Charles, but nobody said a word. Well, your family and the Montgomery parents didn’t say a word. Harper and Evan on the other hand? They wouldn’t leave you alone.
Harper was cackling at the irony. She was throwing your words back in your face, teasing the way seemed to switch your opinion on the Monegasque driver in the span of a week and looked down right smitten for the boy. She teased you over the fact it took you almost two months before you went on a date with your ex-boyfriend, and here you were having daily fireplace dates with the boy you called an asshole less than a week ago. She was embracing her full right as your best friend to annoy the fuck out of you. 
Evan was a whole other story. The boy looked like a kicked puppy every time you came back from hanging out with Charles, only to tell him you didn’t get him an autograph nor did you bring into the conversation how cool he was or how amazing he was or how he and Charles would totally get on if you introduced them. You didn’t have the heart to tell the boy that up until seventy-two hours ago, Charles didn’t like him through a bizarre assumption.
It had been constant and annoying, but in a way that made your heart feel full because you knew no matter what, at least those two would support every decision you made. Even if they got unbearable during the meal times where Charles would find any excuse to come talk to you. 
Tonight was no different as he approached you with a smile spread across his face and something dangerous and promising shining in his eyes. You were sitting at the table alone whilst everyone else headed towards the tables to fill their plates—yours in Harper’s hand—and you were grateful for the small moment of peace as he leaned down. 
“Missing me already?” You teased. 
He shrugged, though he didn’t disagree. “I have a very important message for you.” 
You raised your brows in question. “Oh?” 
Instead of saying anything, the boy just grinned wider and handed you a small piece of paper. You frowned a little at it, looking up at him in confusion but the boy was already taking a few steps away from your table.
“Charles—”
But the boy just winked before turning on his heel, heading back to the table the rest of his friends were sitting at, where they were probably watching the whole interaction even if they tried to make it seem like they weren’t. 
You glanced down at the note in your hand, lips turned downwards as you opened the folded paper. It baffled you that he couldn’t just say what he had written down, but another part of you warmed a little at the idea that he had taken the time to write the note and go through with it—regardless of it being a bit silly. 
You couldn’t bite back your smile when you read the note. 
meet me @ midnight. my room number is 161. wear something cosy :) 
You snorted, shaking your head as every cell in your body thrummed in excitement to meet the boy you once hated later that night. 
“The note was cute, but I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just ask me to hang out.” 
“Because that’s not fun.”
“You just handed me the note, that’s hardly any different.”
“It was like a real life text, cherie. It’s how they used to do it back in the day.”
You snorted in response. 
You had listened to his advice, deciding that a hoodie and pyjama bottoms were the way to go as you snuck up to the floor he was staying at. Your knuckles had barely grazed the door before it was yanked open, a grinning boy on the other side. He was dressed in a baggy hoodie and grey sweatpants, his hair pushed back with a bandana and a pair of glasses sat on his nose.
He didn’t even give you a chance to say anything before he was dragging you inside.
It should have been obvious that Charles Leclerc of all people would have a suite but truthfully, you hadn’t even realised the lodge had master suites as big as this one. But it did. And it was huge. And you expected nothing less for the Monegasque. 
There were multiple different rooms that veered off the large living room: one that was furnished with a massive tv, soft plush sofas and a large fireplace that looked like it was straight out the front of a Christmas card. Surprisingly, it was decorated for the festive season with even a tree settled in the corner between the armchairs. It felt homely. It felt perfect for this midnight meeting. 
However, you didn’t get much of a chance to look around before he was dragging you out onto the balcony. There was a loveseat set up with pillows and blankets, and a small table set with hot chocolate and a plate of cookies (ones he assured you he had the chef make fresh). 
“I never took you to be so traditional,” you teased, pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders as a light breeze hit you. “But I guess you have to make do since you haven’t even asked for my number.”
Charles raised his brows. “Is that your subtle way of telling me to hurry up and ask for it?” 
“Subtle is my middle name,” you retorted, his own repeated words thrown back in his face but they seemed to light a spark inside him. 
Charles’ eyes dropped to your lips for a few passing beats before they returned to your eyes, and you saw everything written in them. This was different to the days you had spent down in the foyer. Everyone could see you both. You could see everyone. It was public and out in the open and exposed. 
But here?
It was just you and him and the pretty night sky that shone and glittered with stars. You were away from the world, from reality. You were away from your family and friends. You were away from peering eyes and judgemental looks. You were in a bubble you never wanted to leave, huddled in thick wool blankets and desperately hoping he would close the minimal distance between you both. 
His lips were a hairbreadth away from brushing against yours when another breeze caressed your skin, sending a shiver down your spine that momentarily jolted you away from him.
“You’re cold,” he noted, though it was pretty obvious when you two were both outside in minimal layers. “Let’s get inside. We can warm up by the fire.”
And a part of you wanted to scream off the balcony into the French Mountains when he stood up, when the moment broke and his lips weren’t against yours. But as angry as you wanted to be, you were grateful when he guided you to sit in front of the fire as he added more wood to the dying embers.
His thigh was brushing against yours when he settled into the spot beside you on the floor, his cheeks tinted pink from the cold as he grinned at you before holding his hands out to the fire. You laughed, following suit and the conversation from moments before the almost-kiss returned. 
However, minutes passed and your body was still racked with small shivers that Charles quickly picked up on.
“C’mere,” he murmured as he lifted his arm, giving you little time to dispute (not that you were going to) as he wrapped his arm around you and tugged you into his side.
You didn’t think about it too much as you buried yourself into his embrace, as you pressed your cheek into his hoodie and enjoyed the way his hand seemed to leave a trail of heat wherever he touched. 
“If I get hypothermia and die, I’m coming back to haunt you and your sugar cookies,” you grumbled, though it was lighthearted as you pressed your nose further into the fabric of his hoodie. 
His chest shook underneath you as he laughed and tightened his hold on you. “I would never let anything happen to you, Stormy.”
“You and that stupid nickname,” you said as you let out a long sigh. “You know my actual name now. You have no excuse to use it.”
“Yeah, but it suits you,” Charles retorted, letting out a small noise of surprise when your cold fingers pinched his side. “Plus, you get this…uh, what’s the word…cute look on your face when you’re angry.” 
Your head snapped up to glare at him. “I don’t look cute when I’m angry.”
His face brightened. “Yes! That face! C’est mignon!"
Your eyes narrowed further. “Don’t pull the cute French card, it’s not gonna help you.”
“You think my French is cute?” Charles replied, his laugh echoing through the suite as you rolled your eyes.
“You drivers and your egos,” you grumbled.
“Have a lot of experience with drivers?” Charles questioned, a hint of something unreadable in his voice.
You snorted, both of you knowing the answer to that question but you played along. “Maybe I do.” 
His eyes darkened slightly. “What about kissing them?”
And just like that, Charles Leclerc had left you speechless for what felt like the millionth time since you met him.
His gaze was locked on your lips, the crackling of the fire felt like it was booming through the silent room and you were truly wondering if your heart was going to burst through your chest and splat on the floor in front of you both. 
“I can’t say I have much experience in that department,” you admitted once you managed to choke your words out.
His lips twitched upwards. “Would you like some experience, Stormy?” 
You didn’t know if you nodded or if he just took the signs of your flustered, stuttering mess and took mercy on you. You didn’t know if his hand reached to cup your face first or if it was your hand on the nape of his neck instead. You didn’t know if it was you moaning lowly into the kiss when his tongue darted out or if it was him. 
Kissing Charles Leclerc was overwhelming and world-altering and, truthfully, you didn’t think you could even utter your own name if someone asked you at that moment. 
“Merde,” he groaned before he kissed you harder, faster, more passionately. His other hand reached for your waist, those muscles hidden under his baggy hoodie put to good use as he hauled you onto his lap.
Your knees sat on either side of his hips, your ass firmly planted on his lap as the new position allowed you to fully wrap your arms around his neck. The boy’s hands dropped to your waist, squeezing and guiding as your hips shifted in his lap as his kisses left you seeking anything he would give you.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he admitted when he had to pull away, when his lungs were burning for air. But you still wanted more, you sought out to keep hearing those pretty noises he made as your lips trailed down his neck. “So fucking long.”
“You took your time,” you muttered between open-mouthed kisses when his hold tightened as your lips passed a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear.
“You hated me for a majority of the time we’ve known each other,” he managed to utter out, his head falling back as your teeth lightly grazed his skin.
“Does it look like I hate you now?” You retorted, something about the back and forth feeling as thrilling and exciting as his fingers fiddling with the hem of your hoodie.
Charles’ eyes caught yours as you lifted your head from his neck, lips red and swollen and fuck, he wanted to kiss you again. “I think I need a little more convincing.”
“Yeah?” You watched as he nodded, a little too eager but it made your stomach twist in the best way possible. “Well, you did promise to keep me warm.”
“I did,” he murmured, his voice a little rough and husky.
“Warm me up, Leclerc,” you whispered as you leaned down to kiss him again, his hands squeezing your waist before your lips even touched. “And then I’ll decide if I hate you still.”
A choked noise of surprise left your lips when Charles suddenly moved. You were no longer sitting on his lap, but instead had been laid back on the floor with the boy now hovering over you. He flashed you a smile, one twisted with promises that made your chest feel tight.
You waited for him to lean down and kiss you again. You waited to feel his heated touch on your body. You waited for him to finally slide his hands under the fabric of your hoodie, to feel his fingers along your bare skin. 
But instead, he just looked at you with so much fondness in his eyes.
“What?” You questioned, and suddenly the idea of being naked underneath him was no longer the most exposed you felt.
“Nothing,” he said simply as he shook his head. “Just…wanted to make sure.”
Your brows furrowed together. “Of what?”
“That you’re okay with this,” Charles said as he finally lifted his hand, as he let his fingers brush across the apple of your cheek. You could feel your skin heating up underneath his touch. “I want you to know that I’m happy to just talk. I don’t want you to think I just invited you here to—”
“Charles,” you interrupted, and the boy fell quiet as his cheeks flushed pink. “I want to.”
He tried to bite back his smile. “Yeah?”
You laughed, nodding. “Yeah.”
And despite the reassurance and despite the heat in your body that just wanted to throw your legs over the boy and ride him until the sun came up, Charles Leclerc was nothing, if not a gentleman. And something about that made it so much hotter. 
His touch was always so confident but gentle. The way his lips pressed against yours, the way his tongue caressed yours as his fingers slowly peeled away the layers of clothes between the two of you. The way he paused to set down pillows and a blanket to make it comfier for you before his fingers hooked on the waistband of your panties, dragging them down your legs and discarding them someplace else.
The way you reached down to cup his bulge in his boxers, prepared to slip your hand beneath the elastic of his boxers and stroke the length of him—only to have your hands batted away. You barely got a chance to question him before his kisses silenced you, before they began moving south and you felt his lips on every inch of your exposed skin that he could reach. 
You felt breathless by the time he was between your legs. You felt like your head was spinning with pleasure as he hooked his arms around your thighs and happily settled between them. You felt like you were in some sugar cookie induced dream as you glanced down, catching his eager eyes watching every little move and reaction you made.
The fire was roaring a few feet away, loud and proud and yet, it was his touch and whispered words that made your whole body feel like lava was coursing through your veins. It was the way his tongue swiped and licked your needy pussy, the way his lips wrapped around your clit until your back was arching off the ground. It was the way Charles murmured soft praises as his hands reached out for yours, as he intertwined your fingers and softly squeezed as you came on his tongue once, twice until you felt like a pile of bones. 
It was the way he smiled down at you like his face wasn’t glistening with your release. The way he leaned down to kiss you with the taste of yourself still on his tongue. It was the way he was fully prepared to leave it there, let you rest, spend the rest of the night listening to the random rants he could coax out of you. 
Charles only let out a surprised noise when you pushed him onto his back, as you straddled him like you fantasised about earlier and reached between your bodies to squeeze his aching cock.
You knew Charles Leclerc was pretty, even in the days where you thought you despised the man. It was an undeniable fact that he was easy on the eyes, that he was gorgeous, that he had one of those faces that didn’t make him feel like he was a real human. 
But he was undoubtedly prettier when you were sinking down on his cock, walls squeezing him as his lips parted to let out a string of curse words in a handful of languages you didn’t speak. 
His hands were all over you, his lips never stopped moving  and all it took was a slight lapse in your tempo as you rocked back and forth for the boy to grip your hips, hold you up with ease and fuck up into you.
You were a puddle on his chest, his lips right beside your ear as he whispered filthy words to you. His hands and kisses were gentle when it felt like you could feel his cock in your throat from how deep inside he was. Charles Leclerc was a fucking enigma that you didn’t ever want to work out. 
And even after he did most of the work, even after he was breathless and flushed and fucked out, you were still the first thing on his mind. Your comfort, your pleasure, just you.
“Cherie,” he murmured softly, the accent seeming a little thicker as he spoke. “We should move to the bed.”
“No,” your words muffled as you nuzzled yourself further into his chest, content where you were with your legs tangled together and your naked bodies pressed together. “I’m comfy here. Beside you.”
“Okay,” was all he said in response as he pressed a lingering kiss to the crown of your head and pulled the blanket over the both of you before holding you closer—if that was even possible.
The first thing you noted when you woke up was how comfortable the ground felt beneath you.
The second thing was that you were no longer on the floor, but on a very comfy bed with a mattress that felt like it was a cloud.
Your hand blindly reached out to your side, expecting to feel a solid, warm body and probably a disgruntled curse from a certain Monegasque, but it never came. Your brows furrowed together, your hand continuing to pat the bed but it felt cold under your touch. 
For a short moment, you wondered if you had dreamt it all. You wondered if it was just a hyper-realistic dream where you swore you could still feel his touch on you, if it was all a part of your imagination. 
And then, from the other side of the door, you heard a voice. 
Your lips unknowingly tilted upwards as you sat up in bed, the sheet falling to your waist as you did. You stretched out your limbs, moving with no real rush as you grabbed the first piece of clothing you could find—a shirt of Charles’ that rested at your thighs—before making your way towards the door. 
You pushed the door open, expecting to find him lounging on the couch as he talked away to whoever he was on the phone with, but he wasn’t. You leaned your head out, peeking around to instead finding him on the balcony, the door still open to let his voice and a chilly breeze carry through into the suite.
You contemplated bracing the cold and making your way towards the balcony, to wrap your arms around his waist and settle into the warmth of him as he finished his call. Your hand moved to pull the door open wider, but then the muffled voice became actual words and you froze.
“She doesn’t mean anything to me. She never has. Why should I care now?”
You frowned a little. 
“I was doing her a favour, for no other reason.”
Your stomach churned, but you tried to ease your thoughts that were threatening to spiral.
“I’m not going to ever see her again after this trip, what’s the big deal anyways?”
But that? That was your final straw.
You felt sick to your stomach as you rushed around the room, staying as silent as you could as you redressed yourself. Your head felt like it was spinning, like you couldn’t even keep up with your own thoughts. You wanted to feel angry and spiteful, and maybe you did. 
But most of all, you just felt disappointed. 
In yourself. In the situation. In the man you thought Charles Leclerc was. 
You were fighting down the bile that felt like it was rising up your throat when you finally slipped out of his suite. He was still on the phone, still on the balcony when you left. And he probably wouldn’t even realise you were gone until you were safely back in your own room, where you could let everything hit you at once and let the tears threatening to spill finally fall. 
You didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t want to believe he was that kind of guy, another asshole that you had laid yourself out in front of, only for it to be thrown back in your face. You wanted to believe he was the gentleman you saw, touched and kissed last night. 
But the truth of the matter was that Charles Leclerc was just another name on your list of men who disappointed you, and you didn’t want to see his stupid, perfect face ever again.
Charles was absolutely fucking baffled. 
He felt like he was missing a key bit of information in his own life, and no matter how many times he replayed the last week or so in his head, he couldn’t work out what he was doing wrong. 
After a season of disappointing races and a team that played with his strategy like a fucking water balloon being thrown around by a group of toddlers, Charles wanted an escape. He wanted a place away from journalists and fans and everyone who even knew who he was. He just wanted a break from his own life.
The vacation at The Chalet was meant to just be that, but it became so much more.
For the first time in a long time, Charles felt like himself again. He felt happy. He was excited for the new year, he was excited for the future, he was excited for what possibly lay ahead of him. He felt like he was in some dream, but it wasn’t a dream. It was his reality and he woke up every day eager to know what amazing thing would happen to him—to know what amazing day he would have with you.
But that dream seemed to crumble into pieces when he realised you were ignoring him.
He didn’t try to take it too personally when he headed back into the bedroom that morning, his cheeks tinted pink from the cold weather but eager to spend a few lazy hours with you in between the sheets. He was eager to make you smile and maybe kiss you, maybe do something more.
But disappointment hit his chest when he saw the empty room. 
He just assured himself that you probably had to head back to your room before your family and friends woke up, or maybe you wanted to freshen up. He assured himself he would see you at breakfast and everything would be fine. 
But it wasn’t fine because you weren’t at breakfast. He waited in case you came at the end, but you didn’t. 
He waited for you at the usual spot in the foyer, but you never came.
He waited for you at lunch and dinner too, but you never came. 
The next day, he almost expected the same and was preparing himself to ask one of your friends if you were okay, but he was shocked to find you sitting in your usual place at breakfast. He smiled at you, something in his chest easing as he made a step in your direction, but the dirty glare you sent his way was enough to make him stop in his tracks. 
You didn’t turn up to the foyer that day either but between the dirty looks from you and the fact he was pretty sure Harper tried to trip him up at the coffee stand, he knew something was wrong. 
He just didn’t know what.
And every time he tried to get near you, tried to talk to you, it was a pathetically failed attempt that left that competitive streak inside his chest blaring with annoyance. 
You were ignoring him and he didn’t know why.
And then he saw it, three days after you started ignoring him. He was making his way into the dining hall, having just showered after a day in the slopes his friends dragged him out for, when he saw you and Evan by the buffet. 
Your eyes found his and something in his chest sparked. 
And then his eyes fell to the way your hand rested on Evan’s arm, the way you leaned into him as you laughed, the way Evan’s arm was thrown over your shoulder as you both walked back to your table. He watched as you both sat next to each other, so close your thighs were probably  pressed together under the table and something bitter settled in his stomach. 
He knew he had no real reason to be jealous. Especially between the fact that you yourself had assured him everything between you and Evan was platonic (if not familial) and the fact there was no real talk of anything being between you and himself other than a shitload of chemistry. 
But even logic didn’t stop the jealousy he felt.
His appetite was gone after that, as he turned around and headed back to his suite that felt a little bittersweet after the amazing night and shit morning he had with you. But he wasn’t in the mood to eat or pine for you from a distance. 
Charles was sick and tired of you ignoring him, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. 
And the first step in his plan had everything to do with the blond you were currently laughing and touching. He just needed to get Evan alone.
It was Christmas Eve when Charles’ plan finally reached its final step—to finally talk to you.
It felt like an odd sense of deja vu when you woke up that morning, making your way down for breakfast before you got ready for the slopes that day. You thought nothing off the weird looks Evan was giving you or the way he seemed giddier than usual, because truthfully it was no different to how Evan usually was on Christmas Eve. 
You put down his eagerness to head towards the slopes under the assumption he probably had some weird challenge for you and Harper at the top. You just hoped this one wouldn’t result in another sprained ankle. 
“I’m riding with you today, Stormy,” Evan said as the three of you headed towards the ski lift.
“Uh, get in line, loser,” Harper spoke up as she stood on the other side of you. “I called dibs.” 
Evan narrowed his eyes. “No, you didn’t.”
“Well, I did just now,” Harper retorted. 
“Does it really matter?” You questioned, amused as you glanced between the two of them.
“Yes!”
“No!” 
Harper and Evan turned to glare at each other, confusion from one of them and insistence from the other. However, you just laughed and shook your head. 
“Fine, first one to the lift wins!” 
You were already settled in the lift as you heard the two of them bickering to each other. You waited to see which one would win, to see who would settle in the spot next to you. However, what you failed to notice was the way Evan all but threw himself on top of his sister so she couldn’t reach the lift before someone else did. 
You turned, a smile on your face as you waited to greet the winning Montgomery, but instead you found yourself staring at a painfully familiar set of green eyes. 
And in an instant, your smile dropped at the sight of Charles Leclerc sitting next to you. 
But before you could even think about jumping off the lift and taking the next seat, the lift was already too high up for you to do anything about it. 
“You’ve been ignoring me,” he said to break the silence.
But you didn’t respond.
“Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me but at least hear me out,” Charles continued, a hint of desperation in his voice. “This is all a misunderstanding.” 
You kept your gaze facing forward.
“Evan told me what you thought happened that morning.”
And just like that, your head snapped around to stare at him, a mix of emotions going through you right now—though the biggest was possibly Evan’s betrayal. 
“You weren’t lying when you said he was a big fan,” he said with a nervous laugh. “It didn’t actually take much for him to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me.”
“You used my friend?” You questioned, the bitterness and coldness in your voice evident.
“I asked and he gave me information,” Charles corrected before his shoulders sagged a bit. “Look, don’t blame him. He heard what I had to say and—”
“And I don’t care what you have to say so go talk to Evan about it,” you spat back at him, watching the way he winced at your words.
“Cherie—”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Stormy—”
“And definitely don’t call me that.”
“Please,” Charles pleaded as he looked at you with wide eyes, ones that held so many emotions you did not want to see. “That phone call was not what you think.” 
You looked away at the mention of the phone call, something quite like anger and disgust bubbling inside you at the mere reminder of the words you heard that morning. “Just…stop it, Charles. I don’t care, okay? You go about your life and I’ll go about mine.”
“No,” he stated simply.
You scoffed. “What? You need another girl in another city to have fawning over you? The hundreds of others not enough?”
“No, because I am not interested in my life not having you in it. I am not interested in a hundred other girls.” The words were stated like they were facts. “Stormy, I just want you.”
You scoffed again but a hand tugging yours made you look over at Charles, fully prepared to pull your hand away. 
“I wasn’t talking about you on the phone that morning,” Charles quickly blurted out before you had a chance to say anything. “Everything you heard on the phone that morning, it wasn’t about you.”
You blinked.
“It was about Melanie.”
Your brows furrowed together, a crease forming between them that Charles had the urge to smooth out with his thumb, but he resisted.
“What?”
“She—” Charles paused for a moment, like he was trying to gather the correct words. “She’s not my friend, not really.”
You blinked again. “She’s not? But she acts—”
“She acts like we are, yes. She’s a friend of a friend, and that’s about all there is to her. She’s…uh, how do you say? She seems to have gained a crush on me? Or maybe it’s some weird obsession. I’m not quite sure,” Charles admitted with a frown. “She asked me out once, almost a year ago and I declined. But she has latched onto the group ever since and I couldn’t quite shake her off.”
You didn’t say anything, instead letting him continue. 
“She wasn’t even meant to be on this trip,” Charles confessed. “But she said to our mutual friend that she was alone this Christmas and…I just couldn’t say no, right? But she’s spent the last year acting like I didn’t reject her and I didn’t like the idea of being trapped up here with her. But even with all our other friends, she was always beside me. She was always there. And when she started to throw tantrums to our friends and make up stories after I started spending time with you, I had enough.”
Your lips parted slightly in shock.
“Turns out she told all our friends that we were together,” Charles said with a grimace. “That we wanted to keep it a secret from the media, and that meant I wanted to keep it from everyone. She tried to make it out like I was a monster to our friends when I started spending days with you. Thankfully, none of them believed a word she said but…it was just too much.”
“Oh.”
“That’s why you heard me ranting on the phone about not seeing her after this trip because I have no plans to be around her ever again and I made that clear to my friends. You can even ask them if you don’t believe me,” Charles said as he finally let out a long breath. He looked at you, an almost pained expression on his face. “I would never say those things about you. Not when you might just be the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Your cheeks burned. “Charles—”
“I know you feel it too,” he continued, and that desperate note to his voice returned. “I know you’ve felt it all week. I know you felt it that night. I know you feel like this—us—could be something.”
“I’m such an idiot,” you muttered, closing your eyes as you realised the agonsing and the pain and the ignoring over the last few days could have been avoided if you stayed in the bedroom a little longer that morning. Or if you had just spoken to him instead of letting the pettiness take over.
“You had no reason to think otherwise about me, cherie, and I get that,” Charles said as he squeezed your hand, almost like a tester to see if you would pull away or not. But you didn’t. “But I want to change that. I want to explore this. I want to show you that I would never do that to you. I want to give you reasons to trust me.”
“I would like that,” you murmured in a soft voice, but Charles heard you loud and clear as he grinned at you. 
“Yeah? You don’t hate me still?” He questioned.
You laughed, shaking your head as you did. “I don’t think I ever hated you, Charles.”
“Good, it makes this easier then,” he said before he leaned in, his slightly chapped lips pressed against yours—and something about it felt like coming home. 
You sunk into his embrace, your hand coming up to cup his cheek like you needed to believe he was really there (even if the gloves made it a little awkward). But feeling him smile against your lips was assurance enough. 
“Merry Christmas Eve, Charles.” 
“Merry Christmas Eve, Stormy. I hope it’s one of many with you.” 
And maybe Charles Leclerc became another one of the many reasons you loved The Chalet.
.
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girlgenius1111 · 1 month
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all of my past i tried to erase it
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part 3 of family line tensions are still high between Ingrid and her sister. Mapi tries to keep the peace. Solstråle tries to pretend she's fine. Ingrid tries to pretend she isn't going insane not understanding what is going on. cw: mentions of poor mental health / panic attacks. ingrid is pretty worried about solstråle and whether or not she is safe.
-------
It wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Mapi bringing her parents to the match shouldn’t have gotten to you the way it did. You didn’t really have an explanation for it, either. You saw Ingrid talking to Mapi’s mom and it felt like everything that had gotten marginally better in the last few days had miraculously disappeared. 
You were 8 again, sitting in the office at school, fielding pitying looks from the office ladies. Both of your parents were busy watching one of Ingrid’s matches; at just 16, she was playing for Rosenborg. Your mom was supposed to bring you to watch, too. She’d forgotten. 
You were 10 again, lying to the school nurse that your parents hadn’t known you’d hurt your hand. She said it looked broken, and you pretended that you hadn’t asked your mom to take you to the doctor the night before. You pretended your mom hadn’t told you to stop faking injuries when the attention wasn’t on you for one minute. 
You were 13 again, sobbing into your pillow, while everyone celebrated just down the hall. Ingrid was leaving to play in Lillestrøm. 5 hours away. She was leaving you behind. 
You were 16, having just been dumped by your first girlfriend. You’d come home in tears, and when you told your dad what was wrong, he told you it was for the best, that a girlfriend was just a distraction. He warned you not to bother your sister with this, because she was busy with much more important things in Barcelona. 
You were 17, so drunk you could barely speak, walking home on a dark road in the middle of the night because neither of your parents had answered the phone to come and get you from the horrific party you already regretted attending. It was dark, a windy road you were walking along, and if a car came, you weren’t sure your reflexes would be quick enough. You were 17, stumbling over the smooth pavement, the depression you’d been trying to drown in alcohol making a reappearance. You were 17,  thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if it all ended there, just like this. 
You were 17, standing in the airport with your parents, preparing to board the plane to Spain. You leaned in towards your mother for a hug. She avoided it, pinching your cheek lightly, and reminding your father that they had a dinner reservation to get to. You watched them walk out of the airport from your place in the security line. Your vision was blurred with tears, but you still could tell that they didn’t look back at you once. You were 17, and your mom hadn’t told you she loved you before you moved across the continent. 
In a second, all of these memories that you’d fought so hard to keep locked away deep inside your head were flooding out. Tears were pricking your eyes, and you cursed yourself for being so stupid. Ingrid didn’t care. Mapi didn’t care. You weren’t worth caring about. How had you forgotten that? How had you let yourself forget that, after everything? 
Ingrid didn’t see your expression change, too busy thanking Mapi’s parents profusely for coming to see her play. Mapi did, though. She watched as you caught sight of your sister talking to her mom, and she watched as you flinched like someone had swung at you.  She watched as you slipped out of the crowd, speed walking into the building. Mapi was torn in 2 directions, Ingrid on one side, and you running off the other way. You needed Ingrid, most definitely but Mapi didn’t like the look on your face as you ran off, like all of the emotion had been sucked out of you, and all that was left was exhaustion. 
Someone else had noticed your disappearing act, though. Caro stood, staring after you, before her gaze fell to Mapi, raising an eyebrow. The defender nodded, and Caro followed after you, while Mapi turned to her girlfriend. She pulled her away from her parents with an apologetic smile, appreciating that Alexia walked over and picked up the conversation where it had left off. 
“Ingrid, vamos,” Mapi whispered urgently. Ingrid looked at her, confused and unmoving. 
“What? I was in the middle of a conversation, María,” the Norwegian scolded. 
“I know, it’s your Solstråle, though, she’s upset, come on,” Mapi insisted, pulling on Ingrid’s hand, who finally seemed to feel a sense of urgency, and let Mapi lead her into the building. 
“Upset? Why? Did something happen?” 
“She saw you with my mom and just looked really upset.” Mapi explained. A bit of understanding washed over Ingrid’s face, and now she was the one leading her girlfriend, rushing down the hall and beginning to open door after door in search of you. 
Caro, meanwhile, had found you pretty easily. You were on the floor of a room she often came to when she was overwhelmed, although that happened much less these days. You knew Caro, obviously, and she knew you, had known you since you were pretty young. She had a calming presence, and the minute she sat next to you, and extended her hand in your direction, you took it gratefully. 
“Mapi is bringing Ingrid.” She told you, but didn’t say anything else. She just sat next to your trembling form and held your hand.  It was enough for now, enough until your sister arrived. 
And when Ingrid did arrive, it was with a loud bang as she threw the door open, sighing in relief at the sight of you. Though, that relief quickly dissolved back into worry at the state you were in. She quickly took Caro’s place at your side, hesitantly wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Your sister was surprised when you turned and threw your arms around her neck, crying silently into her shirt. 
“Jeg har deg, kjære. Det er greit, du er ok.” She murmured, looking worriedly at the other two women hovering in the doorway of the room. Mapi nodded at her encouragingly, and Ingrid refocused, rubbing a hand slowly up and down your back. 
“Thank you,” Mapi muttered to Caro, as they both stepped into the hall to give you some space. 
“Of course.” Caro said easily. “She having a hard time?” 
“Which one?” Mapi asked wryly. “Yes. It’s… it’s a work in progress.” 
“She’s a good kid.” Caro noted, Mapi nodding her head in agreement. “Well, Marta and I are around if either of you need anything.” 
“Thank you, Caro. Really.” Mapi said, squeezing the forward’s shoulder. Caro just shrugged like it was no big deal, and headed back out to the pitch. When Mapi reentered the room, you were tucked perfectly into Ingrid’s lap, although you seemed to have calmed down some. Ingrid was speaking to you in hushed Norwegian, and something she said had you lurching away from her and to your feet, stumbling blindly to the door. 
“Solstråle, wait,” Ingrid called, not really sure what she said to upset you, but well aware that it had been something. You fell right into Mapi’s arms, and though she looked a little startled, she easily pulled you close. 
“Okay, it’s alright. We’re all okay.” She murmured, noticing the rather heartbroken expression on her girlfriend’s face at the fact that you had fled from her right into Mapi’s arms. After a few minutes, you said something quietly that neither girl could hear. “What was that, nena?”
“Can we go ho- back to the house?” You asked, correcting yourself quickly, and pulling away from the comforting embrace Mapi had you in. Ingrid felt like you’d stabbed her, honestly, when you didn’t let yourself call it home. You were stoic again, though, your face void of emotion, wiping roughly at your cheeks to rid them of tears. 
“Kjære,” Ingrid said, hating the way you forced all evidence of your breakdown away. You’d been so upset, about something, but now you were acting as though nothing had happened. Your sister would have climbed into your brain if she could’ve, just to understand what was going on in there. 
“Let’s go home.” Mapi said easily, shooting her girlfriend a meaningful look. Ingrid wasn’t supposed to push you, she knew that. It was just getting harder and harder to not do so, especially when she could see how much pain you were in. She couldn't understand why you wouldn’t just talk to her, and you couldn’t understand why she was so concerned or why she was so desperate to hear what you were feeling. And considering it was the two of you, the situation was bound to blow up into an argument. It was just a matter of time. 
-------
Ingrid knew what was coming before her phone rang, but she still desperately wanted to avoid it. She was quite comfortable at the moment, curled up on top of Mapi in their bed, a show playing softly in the background. Mapi was scratching lightly at Ingrid’s scalp with one hand, and tracing lines over her back with the other. The movements made Ingrid’s entire body relax, which had definitely been Mapi’s goal, but it was all interrupted when her phone went off from next to her. 
She sat up off her girlfriend, glancing at the screen, her expression hardening. 
“Your mom?” Mapi guessed, pulling Ingrid back down into her when the Norwegian declined the call. 
“Yes.”
“You haven’t talked to her since Solstråle’s letter, have you?” 
“No.” Ingrid said. “I think I hate her right now.” 
Mapi was surprised, only because Ingrid didn’t hate anyone. If there was going to be a person, though, it would be someone who had hurt you. Because Ingrid didn’t like to kill spiders she found in the house, but Mapi knew she would kill a person for you without a second thought. “That’s okay. You can hate her.” 
“I miss her.” Ingrid admitted after another minute, her voice cracking. Her forehead was scrunched with sadness, and her hands gripped Mapi’s shirt tight in her hands. 
Mapi sighed, wishing she could take Ingrid’s pain away. And yours too, for that matter. “You can miss her too. You can feel whatever you need to feel.” 
“No, I can’t, not when Solstråle is so upset,” 
“How your sister feels does not limit how you feel. You can be hurt, and sad, and frustrated too. It doesn’t take away from pequeña’s feelings. Just like her feelings don’t take away from yours. You are both upset. That’s alright.” Mapi said confidently. “This isn’t just happening to your sister. It’s happening to you, too, and you can be sad, mi amor. You can cry.” 
Ingrid hadn’t even known she’d been about to cry until Mapi said that, but suddenly there were tears running down her face, and she was clutching tightly to the Spaniard underneath her, who did not seem surprised at all at the sudden emotion. 
“I know, baby.” Mapi husked, pressing kiss after kiss to the top of Ingrid’s head. She knew Ingrid needed this, and was content to let her cry it out until she heard a sharp breath from the doorway. You were standing just outside the room, frozen and horrified. 
“I’m sorry, Ing,” you mumbled, having come in to say goodnight, rather stunned to see your sister so distraught. 
Ingrid could only cry harder, now furious with herself for letting you see this, but too upset to do anything but squeeze Mapi’s hand, wordlessly begging for her to do something. 
“Ven aqui, nena, it’s alright.” Mapi said, gesturing you over to the bed. You looked skeptical, but you did so anyway, carefully sitting on the bed next to your sister. 
“I’m really sorry, Ingrid, I don’t mean to stress you out.” You whispered. You were in a guilty mood, it seemed, not an angry one, and Ingrid felt that somehow, she preferred when you were angry to this. 
“Don’t apologize, pequeña. You haven’t done anything wrong. Ingrid is upset, and you’re upset. It’s okay to be upset, and it’s okay to cry.” Sometimes, Mapi felt like she was teaching preschoolers how to identify and express their emotions when she talked to the both of you, though that might be an easier task.
“I’m not upset with you, Solstråle, I am upset with mom, and I am upset with myself. You don’t need to say sorry. Not for having a panic attack, for having a hard time, for any of it.” Ingrid managed then, taking your hand in hers. 
“I’m doing my best.” You said. “I know I’m not making it easy, but I promise I’m trying.” 
“We know you are. You’re doing so well, nena.” Mapi said enthusiastically, with so much excitement at you saying something remotely positive about yourself that you and Ingrid both cracked smiles. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ingrid asked after a minute. At that, you withdrew, pulling your hand from Ingrid’s and rising from the bed. Both your sister and her girlfriend repressed sighs at your sudden withdrawal. 
“No, I’m really tired. I came to say goodnight. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” You rushed out, before bolting out of the room at a speed that could barely be considered a walk. 
Ingrid sighed once you were out of earshot, settling back into Mapi. “She’s so difficult.”
“She’s stubborn. Like her sister. She’ll come around, just give her time.” Mapi assured her. 
Giving you time, though, was a lot harder than it seemed. 
-------
Your whole life, you had been encouraged by your parents to be smaller, to take up less space. If you were upset, you should keep it to yourself. If you were angry, you should calm down. You were taught that your needs always came second to everyone else’s. You didn’t like to be vulnerable with people, and you didn’t like to put your emotions on others. 
So when you woke up the next day, it was the feeling of intense shame swirling around inside of you. You’d ruined what was an impressive win for your sister, and a nice moment with Mapi’s parents. You’d upset Ingrid, so much so that she had cried about it. 
Too much. You were being too much. 
You resolved yourself to be happy today. If not happy, content. Mapi and Ingrid probably needed a day off from your ridiculous, all over the place, emotions. So today, you wouldn’t feel. You’d be perfect, you’d be small, and you’d cause as little trouble as possible. 
What you didn’t expect, though, was for that to be the opposite of what Mapi and Ingrid wanted from you. They didn’t care if you took up space. They just wanted you to talk. More than anything, they just wanted you to be okay, no matter how inconvenient that process was for them. 
It was a day off for both girls, due to the match the day before, and they were able to let you sleep in. Ingrid was worried you were sleeping too much, but Mapi assured her that angsty teens always needed a lot of sleep, and depressed teens going through a rough time needed even more sleep. Pair that with the intense panic attack you’d had the day before, you were bound to be exhausted. 
When noon rolled around, though, and you’d yet to make an appearance, Mapi relented, much to Ingrid’s relief, who had half a mind to check you for a pulse. Mapi made a coffee to bring up to you, opening your door quietly to find you out cold under the covers. 
With Snø clutched tightly in your arms, your nose pressed against the soft polar bear, you looked so young. 
“Pequeña, despierta,” Mapi murmured, sitting on the edge of your bed and pulling the covers away from your face a bit. 
You blinked up at her groggily, an adorably sleepy expression on your face, and Mapi couldn’t help but push some hair out of your face and smile down at you. You looked slightly suspicious, as you couldn’t remember being woken up like this in the entire time living in Spain, but Mapi just handed you your coffee, and settled on the edge of your bed. 
“Morning,” you said after a minute and a rather large sip of coffee. 
“Afternoon.” Mapi corrected, a little confused when your face turned red at the comment. “It’s 12:15.” 
“That’s weird. Normally Ingrid comes to make sure I’m breathing if I sleep past 10.” You noted. 
Mapi chuckled. “We’re working on some of your sister’s annoying habits.” 
“Don’t get rid of too many, or there won’t be anything left.” You said, your lips tugging up into a smirk. 
“Okay! I will just go through this chocolate croissant I made for you in the garbage!” Ingrid scoffed from the doorway, turning on her heel and marching back down the stairs. 
If there was any surefire way to get you out of bed, it was to present you with a breakfast pastry. 
Within 90 seconds, you had kicked Mapi out, thrown some clothes on and bounded down the stairs, in search of the promised croissant. It was sitting on a plate at the counter, waiting for you, next to your sister who was glaring at you slightly. 
“Thank you, Ing,” you said sweetly, throwing her a charming smile. She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. 
You hit Mapi’s hand playfully when she reached for your croissant, and she withdrew it with a laugh. “You’re like breakfast pastries the way Ingrid is about coffee.” 
“Reasonable? Reasonably attached to it? Is that what you mean, María?” Ingrid asked with a frown. 
“Of course, mi amor.” Mapi said with a smile, kissing Ingrid’s cheek softly. You averted your eyes, but you couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t make you happy to see your sister loved so well. 
The morning, or afternoon, was going exactly as you’d hoped. No attempts at conversation. No feelings. Of course, it couldn’t last. Once you’d finished eating, Ingrid perked up and seemed to prepare herself for what she was about to say, which instantly made you weary. 
“We should talk about last night, kjære.” Ingrid said calmly. 
You froze, slowly putting your mug back on the counter. Both other girls watched the way your whole body tense, the way every ounce of emotion was wiped off your face. 
“I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.” You said stiffly. 
“That is not true. Something upset you, and we should discuss it.” Ingrid argued. 
“Ingrid, it’s fine. Just leave it. We don’t need to talk about that. We don’t need to talk about anything.” You replied defensively. 
“It’s not fine!” Ingrid said, raising her voice, and shaking off Mapi’s gestures to calm down. “None of this is fine. We need to talk about last night. We need to talk about the letter you wrote. We need to get you in therapy. These are all things that need to happen, solstråle. We’ve given you time, now we need to do this.” 
“I am not going to therapy.” You declared, standing up with a scoff and crossing your arms across your chest. “Ingrid, I am fine. I don’t need to talk and I don’t need help.” 
Ingrid grew visibly more angry with you at that, throwing her arms up in the air in frustration. 
“Amor, take a breath.” Mapi said quietly, sighing to herself when Ingrid did not do so. 
“You don’t need help? That is the most untrue thing I have ever heard. You do not write the things that you wrote and then turn around and say you’re fine. You. Need. Help.” 
“Ingrid. I am not going to therapy, and I am done talking about this.” You said, your voice dangerously quiet. 
Your sister wasn’t phased, stepping closer to you with her eyes narrowed. “You will go to therapy if I say you will, and this conversation is not over until I say it is.” 
In retrospect, even Ingrid realized that this was decidedly the wrong thing to say. You didn’t take well to being told what to do. Your reaction really should have been worse; Ingrid had gotten off easy. 
“Jesus, Ingrid, do you hear yourself? You sound just like mom.” You spit back, feeling a bit of satisfaction at the hurt that flashed across your sister’s face. “I don’t want to talk about this, especially not with you.” You spun around and began stomping towards the stairs. “Don’t fucking follow me.” You warned over your shoulder, causing Ingrid’s jaw to drop. 
“Do not-” Ingrid began, starting after you. 
“Amor, leave her.” Mapi said, intervening before Ingrid got very far, and pulling her back. 
“She is the most frustrating person on the planet.” Ingrid huffed, slamming a hand down onto the counter. Mapi looked unimpressed. 
“She is probably thinking the same thing about you right now. I told you not to push her.” 
Ingrid rolled her eyes. “Could you be on my side here for once?” She asked bitingly. 
Mapi very calmly shook her head, opening her mouth to explain when Ingrid’s eyebrows flew up on her forehead. “No. I am on your sister’s side, and you should be too. No one has been for a really long time.”
The Norwegian deflated at that, sinking down into one of the stools at the counter. Mapi continued speaking, pulling Ingrid’s hair gently out of the bun it was in, and running her fingers through it. “You’re looking at this wrong, mi amor. She doesn’t need you to talk her into therapy. She’ll get there on her own, you just need to give her time. That girl has a long way to go before she admits she needs help, believe me.” 
Ingrid sighed deeply. “Can you go check on her? She’s mad at me, I just need you to make sure she’s okay and she isn’t going to do anything stupid.” 
“Of course.” Mapi said, delicately kissing Ingrid’s lips. “I love you.” She reminded the Norwegian with a soft, almost shy smile. 
Ingrid wanted to cry at how sweet, how perfect, how helpful and kind and funny and beautiful her girlfriend was. “I love you, so so much.” 
Mapi headed for the stairs, and Ingrid made yet another cup of coffee, a coffee she wouldn’t drink.
Because Mapi came running back down the stairs a minute later, an apprehensive look on her face as she approached her girlfriend. 
“Mi amor, she isn’t up there.” She said carefully. 
“What do you mean she isn’t up there,” Ingrid asked, rising to her feet and feeling panic rise within her. 
Mapi just shook her head, putting her hands on Ingrid’s shoulders. “She isn’t up there. Her window is open, I think she snuck out.” 
Ingrid felt like something inside of her was collapsing, leaving behind a chasm that was quickly filling with anxiety. “Where… what? She… she’s gone? She…we have to-” 
What had you left to do? Only horrible, life shattering options of where you were and what you were doing were flying through Ingrid’s head, and she reached out, latching on to Mapi’s outstretched hands. 
“Amor, breathe. Calm down. We’ll find her. Where would she go?” 
Mapi hoped, with everything in her, that Ingrid had an answer. Because she had to be calm right now, for Ingrid, but Barcelona was a big city. And if you didn’t want to be found… Mapi didn’t know what would happen. 
Ingrid’s mind was racing, but one thought pushed to the front of everything else. “The lake, there’s a lake in Melhus she would always go to when she was upset. She’d go to water, a body of water.” 
Mapi nodded. “Okay, there are 2 beaches in walking distance, in opposite directions. We’ll go to one, and we’ll send Frido to the other.” 
Privately, Mapi hoped Frido found you first. She wasn’t quite sure that you wouldn’t bolt away from Ingrid, but you wouldn’t be expecting Frido to pop up. 
-------
A quick call to Frido later, Mapi was directing one very frazzled Norwegian into the car, and setting off for the beach. Ingrid was deep in thought, and Mapi kept her hand on her girlfriend’s leg, softly and soothingly rubbing her thumb back and forth. It was only a few minutes to the beach, and Mapi knew Ingrid would talk before they arrived. 
“Do you think she’d do something stupid?” Ingrid asked anxiously, her hand covering Mapi’s and gripping tightly. The Spaniard didn’t need her to explain what she meant; she knew this question was coming, really. 
“She said she wouldn’t.” Mapi said calmly. 
“She said she wouldn’t ‘do that to me,’ that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t do it, especially now that she’s mad at me.”
“This is a little fight. She wouldn’t… do that. Not over this.” Mapi reassured her, but Ingrid remained unconvinced. 
“I don’t know what she’s thinking, María, maybe she was lying before.” 
“Ingrid, mi amor, calm down. You have to trust her. Even when you’re scared, and even when it feels like you should take her bedroom door off the hinges and implant her with a GPS chip. You have to trust her not to hurt herself.”
“But what if she does?” Ingrid asked softly, as if saying the words loud enough would somehow will it into existence. 
“We can’t think like that. Promise me you won’t think like that, okay?” 
“Okay.” Ingrid agreed faintly. Both of them knew she was lying. It was all she’d been worrying about for days, and all she would worry about for many to come. 
--------
Frido found you first. When she drove by the beach and didn't see you there, she got another idea. There was a rock climbing place nearby; Ingrid had said you always used to go to a lake back home when you were upset. Though Frido didn’t want to say so, it had been a long time since Ingrid had lived with you, and it wouldn’t have surprised her if your habits had changed. And the Swede knew from your instagram that you spent a lot of time rock climbing. She told Mapi where she was headed, and sped over to the gym. 
Sure enough, as soon as she walked in the building, she spotted you in the middle of the hardest wall, seemingly only using the smallest holds to get yourself up. You were breathing hard, and the worker belaying you looked a bit concerned. 
Frido pulled her phone out, shooting off a quick text to Mapi.  “She’s here, she’s okay. Let me talk to her, don’t let Ingrid come in. I’ll bring her out.” 
Ingrid probably wouldn’t help the situation, if you were as angry as you seemed. The blonde spoke quickly to the front desk attendant, and headed over to where you were. 
She stood, just watching you. You were a few feet from the top now, luckily for your hands, which you clearly had not put enough chalk on, and were beginning to really hurt. With only a bit to go, you took a risk, attempting an impressive, one armed pull to get your other hand to the next hold. You just barely missed, falling away from the wall. 
“Fuck,” you cursed, swinging back towards the wall and smacking it with your hand. You were lowered down, clearly fuming, and Frido took the opportunity to step in front of you, giving the girl attached to the other end of the rope a look. 
“Again,” you requested, avoiding Frido’s gaze. 
She took your hand in hers, though, inspecting the tear in your skin, shaking her head. “No, that’s enough Solstråle.” 
“Leave me alone, Frido.” You snapped, trying to pull away from her when you felt the rope fall slack. You turned, seeing that the worker had abandoned her harness in favor of going to help someone else, no doubt at Frido’s direction. 
You rolled your eyes, quickly regretting it when the Swede raised an eyebrow at you. Ingrid could be scary sometimes, but she had nothing on Frido. 
“Are they here?” You asked, loosening the harness and stepping out of it with an exasperated sigh. 
“They’re outside. You terrified your sister.” Frido said, pulling you over to a bench and making you sit down, before handing you a bottle of water. 
You looked unimpressed. “I’m 18, I can handle myself in the city for an hour.” 
“She wasn’t worried about that, she was worried you were going to hurt yourself.” Frido said bluntly, sitting down next to you. She ignored how stiff you’d grown and how uncomfortable you seemed, reaching for your hand and looking at it critically. 
“That wasn’t on purpose.” You said defensively, wrenching your hand away once again. “And I told her I wouldn’t do that.” 
“Can you blame her for worrying, Solstråle, really? And maybe you didn’t do that on purpose, but you came here to push yourself instead of dealing with your feelings in a healthy way.” 
You really hated that she was right. Frido was always right. It was simultaneously her worst and best trait.
“Are they mad?” You asked in a small voice, suddenly looking very much your age. Frido stood and held out a hand to help you up.
“Not right now. Just worried. Ingrid’s going to give you a hug and you’re going to let her.” Frido instructed. You supposed that was fair. And really, you could use a hug. Hugs from your sister always made you feel better, even if you’d never admit it. 
As you exited the building, you instantly spotted your sister and her girlfriend by their car. Mapi was leaning calmly against the Cupra, while Ingrid was pacing frantically, speaking fast and gesturing wildly with her hands. 
“Did I do that?” You asked quietly. 
Frido laughed. “I think she was born like that.” 
As you neared the car, Ingrid turned as Mapi pointed at you, her face melting with relief at the sight of you. It really hit you, then, how worried she must have been, to still be so anxious even after Frido had likely told her you were okay. You weren’t making this easy on your sister. 
She practically knocked you over with the force of her hug. “You’re okay.” She murmured into the top of your head, leaving a kiss there. 
“I’m okay.” You reiterated, letting yourself hug her back tightly, even if it was just for a moment. She felt you tighten your arms around her almost unconsciously, and made a note to hug you more often. Even if it seemed like you weren’t very interested. After a minute she pulled back, placing both hands on your cheeks and making you look at her. 
“Next time leave through the front door? And tell me where you’re going? Please?” She asked. You appreciated that she didn’t tell you to do this, leaving it more as a request, although you knew it was a reasonable rule for her to put in place.
“Promise.” You said quietly. She nodded her head, satisfied, before pulling Frido into a hug that also looked to be too tight. Mapi was looking at you, rather unimpressed. You knew she was not happy with you for upsetting your sister so much, and though it annoyed you a bit, you knew it was deserved. And you appreciated that your sister had someone that was so protective over her. 
“In the car, nena. I want to talk to you when we get home.” Mapi instructed. You got in the car with no argument, the fight having gone out of you a bit. It had nothing to do with the hug Ingrid had given you, nothing at all. Definitely not. Instead of anger, you only felt apprehension, because Mapi looked dead serious about whatever she wanted to talk about. 
-------
You were nothing short of shocked when Mapi opened the door to the garage and gestured you inside upon arriving home. Ingrid watched on anxiously, and you pretended not to see the way Mapi whispered some reassurance to her and kissed her cheek, before pointing her towards the kitchen
You’d never been in the garage before; it was Mapi’s space. You were already invading her home, you wouldn’t invade the one place of the house that was really hers, too. You knew she worked something out there, knew there was a reason both cars parked in the driveway instead of in the garage. 
Mapi followed you into the room and sat down on a stool next to the large motorcycle in the middle of the garage. It was clearly in the process of being restored. You hadn’t known Mapi rode motorcycles. Well, you hadn’t known that your sister let Mapi ride a motorcycle. You stood awkwardly in the door as Mapi inspected 2 different wrenches, until she pointed at the stool next to her. 
“Ven aqui, nena.” She said. 
You took a seat, not really enjoying the tense silence that washed over the room. “Are you mad at me?” You asked after a minute. For all your anger, and all your bravado, you didn’t like it when people were mad at you. Especially not people you looked up to, people you admired. 
“No. Not mad, nena. Never mad. I wish you hadn’t snuck out your window, but I understand why you did. I wish sometimes you thought a bit more about how your actions affect me and your sister, but I know how hard that is to do when you’re as angry as you are.” 
“I’m not angry.” You said defensively. Mapi rolled her eyes, handing you a couple of tools and beginning to tighten something on the bike. 
“You are angry. You’re so angry that you feel like you’re going to explode sometimes. You’re so angry that sometimes you forget that you’re sad, too. You’re angry, and you’re hurt, and I cannot blame you for that. If anyone has a right to those emotions, it’s you.” You didn’t really enjoy being perceived so well, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. “I know angry, nena. Do you remember when I hurt my knee?” 
You nodded. The first few weeks of Mapi's injury hadn’t been a fun time, your sister beyond stressed with dealing with Mapi’s injury and her new role in the team, and you’d tried hard to be on your best behavior. 
“I started working on this bike a year ago, when everything happened with the Spanish federation. It was Ingrid’s idea, a way for me to distract myself. When I hurt my knee, it had been a bit since I’d worked on it, but suddenly I was back in this garage until all hours of the night. It’s nice to be able to control something like this, when everything else feels out of your control. That is how climbing is for you, yes?” 
You relaxed a bit at the turn the conversation was taking, and Mapi wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t just the topic; it was the fact that she wasn’t staring at you, putting pressure on you to give her an answer she wanted to hear. You were just talking. Casually. 
“Yeah. I’m in control, and I don’t have to think about anything else. It’s relaxing.” 
“It’s good for you to have an outlet like that.” Mapi stated. “This bike was Ingrid’s idea, when we first got together. Do you know what her other idea was?” 
You were pretty sure you did, and you grimaced at the thought. “Therapy?” 
Mapi snorted, handing you the wrench she was using and taking the screwdriver from your hand. “Yes therapy. You don’t have to look at it like that, though, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
“It’s not for me.” You said decisively. 
Mapi just shrugged. “I didn’t think it was for me either.” She paused, knowing your curiosity would get the better of you, and you’d ask for more information. 
“What changed your mind?” You asked after a minute. 
“Your sister did. After the euros, I had a hard time coming back to Barça and playing. Those weeks were some of the hardest of my life, trying to find my rhythm again but trying to recover from the stress I’d been under that summer. I was a mess. And Ingrid was right there with me, through all of it. I’d had a really bad day, and I asked Ingrid to come home early from a lunch she had. She came home, calmed me down, and afterwards, she asked me if I trusted her. I said I did. And she said that she really wanted me to try therapy. That I didn’t have to feel how I felt, and I deserved help. I deserved to not be miserable. She asked me to try it, for her, just give it a try.” 
“And you did.” 
“And I did. Because she’d done so much for me, I couldn’t refuse her request. Not when I knew she just wanted the best for me. I gave it a shot, and it helped, more than anything else had helped. It wasn’t a fix all, but it helped. It made me feel like I was doing something to get better.” 
Mapi abandoned her work on the bike, looking at you for the first time since you’d entered the garage. You could only see sincerity in her gaze. Not anger, but annoyance. Just sincerity. “You deserve help, Solstråle. No matter how you feel about yourself, Ingrid and I know you. And we know you deserve help. You’re a good person, and you deserve to be happy.” 
María sounded so sure. So completely convinced. You looked away from her, blinking hard. 
“You don’t have to agree to anything now. Keep an open mind about it. Think about it. Okay?” 
“Okay.” You agreed quietly, grateful that Mapi didn’t make a big deal out of it, only nodding slightly. 
“One more promise?” She asked. 
“What?” 
“Talk to us. Or just me, or just Ingrid. We’re a little lost here, nena. It feels like we were just kind of plopped down in the middle of this. We had no idea anything was going on, not really. And all of a sudden we’re reading that letter, and realizing we missed a lot. That’s on us; we should have noticed sooner. We don’t have the whole picture, though, and that makes it really hard for us to figure out how to help you. We’ll both worry a lot less if you talked to us, just a little bit.” 
That was reasonable, you had to admit. When she put it like that. You’d spent so much time being annoyed that no one had noticed, then being annoyed when they finally did notice, you hadn’t really spent a ton of time thinking about how little they knew. There was no context to your behavior, aside from what you’d put in the letter. And that just barely scratched the surface. You supposed they deserved an explanation. At least a bit of one. 
“I’ll try.” You promised. 
Mapi grinned at you this time, an infectious smile. “Bueno! Come here with that wrench. No, that one. Put it on this bolt. Twist.” 
And just like that, the conversation was over. Easily. You got the feeling that Mapi would have let it go if you’d insisted on it, but you miraculously felt better. Talking, listening had made you feel better. Mapi had made you feel better. 
-------
You both emerged from the garage around an hour and a half later, when the smell of baking cookies became too strong to resist. Ingrid had clearly been stress baking, one of your favorite of her habits. There were at least 3 different types of cookies on the counter, some done baking, some still in progress. It smelled so distinctly of home in the house, it was almost overwhelming. 
“I have something for you,” Ingrid said, drying her hands and stepping away from the counter when you walked into the room. 
“I can see that.” You said, nodding to the cookies appreciatively, but Ingrid shook her head. 
“No, something else.” Ingrid said.
“OH! I do too.” Mapi said excitedly, and they both disappeared in different directions. You stood bewildered in the kitchen, not quite sure what you were about to be given. 
They returned simultaneously, each holding what looked to be 2 frames. “Mapi’s first.” Ingrid directed. “I haven’t seen it yet.” 
You looked surprisingly at Mapi, taking the present and beginning to unwrap the wrapping paper. “What is this for?” You asked. 
“Your birthday.” Ingrid said quietly. You froze momentarily, an unreadable expression flashing across your face. “I know it seems like we forgot, but we didn’t. We got the dates messed up, but we had presents, and we had dinner reservations, just… for the 25th. Not the 15th.” 
“Oh. I thought you’d forgotten.” You said slowly, seemingly slightly emotional. 
“Nope, just bad at remembering dates. Now open your present.” Mapi said impatiently, bouncing on her feet like an overexcited child. 
You unwrapped it slowly, as if you were slightly weary of what it might be. When you pulled the frame from the wrapping paper, though, every wall you’d put up fell instantly, your jaw dropping open at the piece of art in your hands. 
It was a map. Not just a map, but a map of all the hiking trails in Barcelona. It was textured, detailed, labeled. It was intricate, all neutrals and earthy colors. It was so you. From the contents to the design, it was like it had been made just for you. 
“Mapi…” You whispered, staring, stunned, at the map. “Where did you… how did you… what?” 
“Ale’s sister Fresa  went to school with this girl that hand makes maps like this. I got her name from diablillo, and I told her what I wanted. Do you like it, do you like it?” Mapi asked excitedly. 
Mapi got her answer when you handed the frame to Ingrid, and launched yourself the few feet between you and Mapi, wrapping her in a tight hug. Mapi beamed at Ingrid, who was trying very hard not to cry. She hadn’t even given Mapi any advice on the gift. It had been all her girlfriend’s idea, she executed it all by herself, determined to get Solstråle the perfect gift. 
“It’s perfect, thank you María,” you mumbled. The ridiculous smile on Mapi’s lips didn’t falter at the use of her real name, only squeezing you tighter. 
“Te amo, Solstråle.” She said back. For once, you believed it. When you pulled away from the hug, it was to see Mapi looking smugly at your sister. “INGRID I DEFINITELY WON.”
Ingrid rolled her eyes. “She hasn’t even opened my present yet.”
“Still. I won.” Mapi smirked. 
Now it was Ingrid’s turn to hand you your gift. It was wrapped in the same paper, and you tore it off, almost cautiously, not quite sure what Ingrid would have gotten you. 
You were, once again, speechless at what you saw. This time, your eyes filled with tears immediately. Ingrid wasn’t as excited as Mapi had been, instead looking at you anxiously. 
It was a painting of a waterfall back home not far from your house. It was so distinct, you knew Ingrid must have paid a ridiculous amount of money to get someone to hand paint it. Each individual stroke was so precise, blending perfectly into the image it was supposed to be, but if you focused hard, you could pick out the greens and greys and blues and whites that you’d grown up with. 
It felt like home. It felt comforting. You could almost smell the trees, feel the cool sting of wind on your cheeks. It was a little piece of home just for you, and it was perfect. So beautiful and artistic that you weren’t sure you were worthy of it, but you looked at it in awe nonetheless. You wiped at your cheeks, not able to control the tidal wave of emotion washing over you. 
“Kjære? Is it okay?” Ingrid asked anxiously, her eyes searching your face, trying to figure out if these were good tears or bad tears. 
You let out an incredulous laugh. “Okay? Ingrid… it’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s… perfect. Thank you.” You said, turning to her with a look of complete shock. And even though it pained Ingrid that you were so surprised to receive a nice gift for your birthday, she pushed that feeling down. Instead, she pulled you in towards her, placing the frame on the counter so she could hug you properly. You were happy with it, now, and that was all Ingrid had control over. 
After a few seconds, Ingrid moved to pull away and break the hug, but you kept your arms wrapped around her, not quite ready to let go yet. Maybe it was the homesickness, or maybe it was your sister making you feel so known, and so loved. Whatever the reason, you just wanted her near you for a minute more, holding you nice and tight and safe against her. 
“I love you,” she whispered, hearing you mumble the words back, your voice thick with emotion. When you did pull away, a minute later, it was to wipe at your face in an almost embarrassed manner. 
Seeing how desperate you were for the attention to be off your tears, Mapi spoke up, her voice light and easy. “You can put them up in your room, you don’t have anything on the walls.” 
You looked at the ground, then, almost sheepishly. “I didn’t know I could put anything up on them.” You admitted.
The room fell quiet, but even though you could tell that what you said had hurt Ingrid and Mapi, they just shook their heads softly. “It’s your room, for good, you can do whatever you want to it.” Ingrid told you. 
You were about to thank her, and try to move the conversation long when Mapi let out a dramatic gasp. Both you and Ingrid whipped your heads to look at her, confused at the mischievous grin on her face. 
“Ikea. WE CAN GO TO IKEA AND GET FURNITURE FOR SOLSTRÅLE’S ROOM.” 
“María, calm down. Maybe she doesn’t want to redo her room.” Ingrid looked at you hopefully, and you knew it had nothing to do with your room, and everything to do with her not wanting to take Mapi to ikea. 
You simply smirked back at Ingrid, who sighed and shut her eyes for a minute. 
“Okay. Ikea.” She said finally. You and Mapi cheered, comically loudly, completely ignoring the rules she was setting in favor of high fiving each other and going to get ready to leave. “María, you are not building anything. Solstråle does not need her bed to collapse under her in the middle of the night. And kjære, please, please, don’t let Mapi talk you into a loft bed, you’ll fall off of it and break your arm. Amor? Kjære? ARE EITHER OF YOU LISTENING!” Ingrid shouted after you, rolling her eyes at the chants of ikea echoing around the house. 
Mapi in Ikea was a handful. You, too, were a handful at the store. Together? She was going to lose one of you, she was sure of it. It had been a long day already. And it was only set to get longer. 
--------
fluffy engen-león family trying to put furniture together in the next part?
yes, that IS all i have to say about this chapter thank you for your time.
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bbtsficrecs · 5 months
Text
BTS FIC RECS PART 4.1
Part 4.1 of some of my favourite BTS fanfics. Please do consider liking, reblogging and/or commenting on the fics you like. There are so many wonderful and amazing authors out there who do not get the recognition they deserve. So please send them lots of love to keep them going. If you're on here, then know I enjoyed every second of reading your story ♡
There will be two parts 4 as it's (sadly?) too long to be saved under one post. Stay tuned for part 5, joon recs will be added!
Please let me know if some of the links aren’t working. Happy reading!
⊹ Navi ‣ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.1 | Part 5 |
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⊹ Merry Kinkmas - part 02 Enemies to lovers au au | s | @bebejungkook ‣ You find out who your secret Santa was but his gift was a little too personal.
⊹ In Your Arms Tonight College au | s, f | @angelguk ‣ “I’m Team I Would Like To Be Fucked Tonight.” You stated, blatantly ignoring the stink eye he shot your way. “But clearly that’s not on our agenda. Have you ever seen Vampires Suck?”
⊹ Baecation Richboy!jk au | s, f | @1kook ‣ “Lose the top, or lose the right to present yourself in any low back gown for the next three months.” He truly knew the way to your heart.
⊹ Act Of Falling Fuckboy!jk au | s, f , a | @kooktrash ‣ What was supposed to be a meaningless fling has turned into much more before you both realized you were falling. Now all you can do is hope that all the challenges you’ve faced are worth something.
⊹ Candles & Flames Royal AU | s, f, a | @taegularities ‣  He wasn’t supposed to be yours. His foolery wasn’t supposed to target you. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
⊹ Distractions Practice couple au | s, f | @chryblossomjjk ‣ Jungkook agreed to let you do his makeup, but he can't stop getting distracted.
⊹ Naughty Boy Step siblings au | s | @scribblemetae ‣ Reader is older step sister that knows he has a crush on her/yandere tendencies & she teases him until one day he gives in. 
⊹ When It Feels Right (read part 1 first) Divorce au | a, f | @7deadlysinsfics ‣ Although Jungkook is struggling with the decision he made months ago, he still thinks it was the best thing he could’ve done for your safety. But he isn’t doing well, and his friends are worried about him and how he’s choosing to deal with his feelings. Meanwhile, you’re now living with your brother, his wife, and their ten-month-old daughter, who has helped bring some light into your life. Just as you decide to tell Jungkook the truth about your pregnancy, he appears at your brother’s house with a truth of his own.
⊹ When She Loved Me Terminally Ill au | s, f, a | @jungkookstatts ‣ How does one live when life is bound to end? 
⊹ your step brother fucking you in front of your parents Step siblings au | s | @aris-ink
⊹ Don't Blame Me (on-going) Single Dad au | s, f, a | @thvhoe ‣ Jungkook is known for his good looks and is often described by your friends as "daddy material." Funny enough, he actually was a daddy. The daddy of the baby girl you babysit every Saturday. Working as a nanny for the world's grumpiest single dad should have been easy, but you can't keep your eyes off him. He's handsome, a little arrogant, with broad shoulders and strong tattooed arms. And when he decides he can't keep his hands off of you. Who are you to resist?
⊹ Rolling Stone Idol au | s, f , a | @kooktrash ‣ He was a rolling stone with no ties to anyone or any place and that’s how he and his fans liked it. Now he’s found you and it’s never been this hard to convince someone that he’ll stay. The problem is neither of you know what it means to express yourselves without reverting to sex as a form to end discussion. It causes all hell to break loose when Jungkook realized if he wants you to stay for him [with him] then he needs to show it to you too. Can Jungkook and Y/n get past their own growing doubts on if what they feel is real and work out a way to be together—especially considering Y/n wants nothing to do with the limelight?
⊹ The Ability To Fantom - part 02 (on-going) Brother’s best friend au | a, f | @hanniwrites ‣ You are shocked when your friends reveal their theory: Jungkook, your brother’s annoying best friend, has a crush on you. A bad one.
⊹ Torn Apart Infidelity au | s, a | @bethschamberoftales ‣ That one time when you caught your boyfriend cheating on you.
⊹ My Love Is Here (series) Unrequited love to requited | s, f, a | @solemnreads ‣ You didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s not like you purposely woke up one day and thought “Hey I’m going to fall in love with my best friend!” No, that is not at all what happened.
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⊹ I'll Stop Tomorrow Friends with benefits AU | s, a | @dreamyjoons ‣ You know it has to end.
⊹ Just A Taste Spring break AU | s, f | @cutechim ‣ “Your lips make me wonder what the rest of you would taste like.”
⊹ Flat Tire Established relationship AU | s, f | @ppersonna ‣ How do you pass the time when you’re stuck on the side of the road with your boyfriend, with a flat tire?
⊹ One Mistake (on-going) Idol!Tae & Cheating AU | a | @vamours ‣ it’s been three years since you and Taehyung had started dating. recently, you’ve started to notice changes in taehyung’s behavior towards you. with your four years anniversary only a few weeks away, you’ve come to discover the truth.
⊹ Akrasia Strangers to? | s | @nitaescence ‣ Basically two strangers fucking in a crowded bus.
⊹ Stepdad Taehyung Step!father au | s | @aris-ink ‣ "He was not touching himself right beside you. No, that was not possible"
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⊹ Rock Bottom Idol Jimin AU | s, f, a | @jkbabiey ‣ When, in a four-year marriage, you get to the point where you question its worth, you know that’s your rock bottom. How many I’m sorry’s will you handle? How many times are too many times?
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⊹ What's Poppin Established relationship AU, | f, s | @joonberriess ‣ Yoongi being the type to buy you a chain cause if he’s pimped out, his girl gotta be too.
⊹ Foundation - Part 01, 02, 03 feat Yoongi Non-idol doctors AU | f , s, a | @hamsterclaw ‣ You know Jungkook is a fuckboy. So why are you letting him fuck with you? Featuring Yoongi.
⊹ Looks so refreshed Idol AU | s | @kimnjss ‣ Friends with benefits is hard, but when he’s an international superstar… It’s much harder. So while you love his friends to death, spending the night holed up in his hotel room just sounds a lot more fun than a dinner party.
⊹ Friends (3TAN) Brother's best friend AU | f, s, a | @kithtaehyung ‣ The week you get with Yoongi has a few surprises. and one of them presents itself in the form of a phone call.
⊹ So it goes Friends with benefits (ish) AU | f , s | @prodagustd ‣  You and Yoongi have been hooking up, having dates and spending most of the week together for almost seven months. He was comfortable without a title, until the last two weeks, when you couldn't see him because of your busy schedule, Yoongi can't understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him. Or maybe he does, but he's too much of a coward to admit it..
⊹ Marry me, Yoongi Established relationship AU | f, s | @spideyjimin ‣ When Yoongi decides to get married in vegas after all the fan’s comments on the vlives.  
⊹ Amour Propre Established relationship AU | a | @randombtsprincessa ‣ Crumbling Relationship with one Min Yoongi
⊹ Blind Spot Established relationship AU | f, a | @randombtsprincessa ‣ Yoongi tries to win you back.
⊹Your Universe Rejection AU | f, a, s | @muniimyg ‣ Regretting rejecting oc, Min Yoongi goes through a circus load of gestures and tasks in attempt to be loved again
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thehmn · 1 month
Text
It might simply be that I don’t frequent ADHD forums enough but I haven’t seen a whole lot of talk about learned social withdrawal.
As a child I made friends left and right but as we all turned into self-conscious teenagers it slowly became more and more difficult for me. Plain and simple, other people thought I was weird. For some reason I never got bullied which I think is related to something my teachers kept telling my parents “She’s such a sweet, bright child and we can tell she’s not malicious or trying to be disruptive on purpose but we can’t teach her anything”
Basically people couldn’t figure me out. I had good social skills with both children and adults, I had a good moral compass, i felt compassion and empathy for others and was willing to go against my friends if I felt they were being bullies, I taught myself English and my drawings showed good observation skills. Because of all that it was decided I should start school a year sooner than most kids and my parents were very proud. Unfortunately that’s probably one of the main reasons why I was never diagnosed with raging ADHD as a child. People soon realized I didn’t do well in a school setting but assumed it was because I “wasn’t done playing” and my ADHD symptoms were interpreted as childishness.
So as I got older my classmates started to distance themselves from me. They were always kind and friendly but they didn’t know how to deal with me and ever since then people have always been worryingly comfortable with calling me weird to my face. I get the impression it’s because they think it’s a choice on my part. To them I’m clearly of “normal intelligence” so I must be acting like this on purpose and my parents would repeatedly tell me to “just act normal” as a child when I told them I was struggling to make friends. I tried so damn hard but kept failing. I knew something had to be different about me and when I first heard about ADHD I thought “That’s me! That’s how I feel!” but my parents said that was impossible because I wasn’t hyperactive.
Because nobody wanted to help me I eventually learned to just stop trying to make friends and keep to myself. I was so tired of being told by friendly, well-meaning people that I was so weird and quirky and unique only for them to distance themselves once they realized it was permanent and not something I could turn on and off for parties. I always enjoyed being alone so it wasn’t a huge loss but it did feel incredibly lonely at times.
Things got a lot better when I became an adult, mostly because adults are generally more chill than teens so my ADHD behavior isn’t as embarrassing to them and ironically they’re often surprised to learn I don’t make friends easily. Unfortunately I learned to be withdrawn in my formative years so new friends are still a rarity. Before I really sat down and put my past into context I even started to wonder if I had autism despite not connecting with anything autistic people said about their experiences. I went as far as to be tested but wasn’t surprised when the diagnosis was negative because of course it was, I kinda already knew that. I was just looking for an explanation.
So while there can be overlap between ADHD and autism (I have just such a friend) my experience is also that oftentimes people with ADHD simply learn to stay away from social situations and entertain ourselves which ends up looking like autism to outsiders.
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roanniom · 9 months
Note
King Steve flirting with inexperienced never been flirted with reader
Smartest
King!Steve Harrington x tutor!fem!reader
Read Part 2
Warnings: NSFW, 18+ ONLY, PIV/unprotected sex, teasing, coercion but consensual, King!Steve is a manipulative douchebag and is his own warning
��You’re really good at this stuff,” Steve says, watching for your reaction as you scribble math equations across the notebook paper. He can see embarrassment bloom across your features and he has to suppress the zing of triumph he feels. It’s so easy.
It makes him want to push it.
“It’s kinda hot.”
The pencil stops in its path and your eyes shoot up to his, brow raised.
“I’m not…that’s…you’re messing with me, Harrington,” you finally settle on in what you hope is a dismissive tone. Steve notes the way your hand writing becomes more shaky. He sucks on his teeth for a second before chuckling.
“I don’t know why you’re trying to be modest. Hot girl like you must be raking in the compliments.”
You shake your head but don’t look up from your work. Well…his work. The homework that you’re doing for him even though you were supposed to be tutoring him so he doesn’t fail algebra and miss out on basketball.
But his hand is suddenly on your knee.
“Look at you ignoring me. What, you tutor a football player that’s stealing all your attention? Nothing left for me?”
“I…I don’t tutor the football team,” you answer, dumb in spite of your high IQ. You look up and Steve’s grin is big, glad he could finally distract you. He’d gotten bored with the repetition of watching you do his homework. He’s got nothing else lined up today, might as well have some fun. It’s not like his parents are home and it’s a shame to waste a big empty house.
“Thought I was your favorite pupil,” Steve says in a mock whine, giving you puppy dog eyes that seem to short circuit your brain.
Bingo.
You can do his homework later.
“Y-you are,” you admit shyly. It makes Steve smile at you again and your heart bursts, the shriveled up crush you’ve been nursing for years finally being watered and rehydrated. You can hear your heart beat in your ears.
“Good. Because you’re my favorite hot tutor,” Steve says with a wink. You swallow visibly at that and Steve laughs. “You’re still acting like nobody’s ever called you hot before and I call bullshit.”
“No….nobody’s ever called me hot before,” you say in a small voice. Steve’s eyes widen for a second. He’d been pressing on that point, not really thinking too hard about whether or not it could be true. It was just mindless flirting. And pretty lazy flirting, to be honest.
He takes the space of a second to wonder if he feels bad about your clear inexperience and insecurity. Instead, he feels a dark, sour tinge of excitement. Your obvious interest is an opportunity. He doesn’t take any time to analyze whether he should be ashamed of that thought.
“Do you like it when I call you hot?” Steve asks. It’s not a question. Not really. Not when he knows the answer is yes. But he’s angling for something as his hand slides up from your knee to your thigh. You drop the pencil fully and give your attention completely to him.
“Y-yeah. I do.”
“Do you like it when I do…this?” Steve ask, lifting your arm and delivering a kiss to the inside crook of your elbow. You squirm but a smile starts forming on your face.
“Yeah.”
“And this?” Steve asks, moving up to kiss your bare shoulder, just beside the spaghetti strap of your sun dress.
“Uhuh.”
Steve moves to the edge of his seat so that his knee moves between your thighs under your skirt. You squeak a bit at the new proximity. One of Steve’s large hands grips your waist, pulling you to him so he can mouth at the side of your neck.
“What about this?”
The feeling of his lips on your skin lights you on fire and you find it hard to keep responding.
“Oh…” Your thighs try to close, a sudden twinge of need at their apex urging you to seek out friction. You end up squeezing your legs around his knee which has pushed between them. Steve pulls back and smirks.
"Oh," he teases. He slides his hand over the slope of your hip, to your stomach and down to your lower abdomen over the fabric of your skirt. Steve’s heavy lidded eyes find yours. “You seemed to really like that, huh?”
“I….I….” you stammer, unsure of what to do with your hands so you drop them to rest shakily on his forearms. Steve leans forward again, dropping his wet open mouth to the curve of your neck and sucking.
“Oh…fuck,” you whimper broke my. Steve chuckles against your spit-slicked skin.
“How am I supposed to learn from you if you’re going to set a bad example like that?” he asks wryly. You blink at him, watching as his hands move to the buttons at the neckline of your sun dress. Your chest rises and falls more rapidly as your breathing speeds up, both with arousal and anticipation.
Steve undoes the top button with deft fingers. Instead of shrinking away, you arch your back almost imperceptibly towards his hands. Steve definitely notices.
“Ohhhh,” he says teasingly. “Or does the tutor want to learn a thing or two from the student?” His voice is lilting and light, but his eyes are dark. You look away for a second before looking back at him. Eyes the tentative. Nod small. Steve nods back along with you. “Okay then. We’ll first of all, we have to have the right workspace, don’t we?”
When you nod, Steve surprises you by standing up and swiping all the books, papers, and writing utensils off the dining room table and onto the ground in one broad sweep of his arm.
“Steve!” you squeal out in surprise, slapping a hand over your mouth. You know his parents are out of town and the two of you are alone, but when he grabs you and manhandled you to sit on the table, you suppress the startled shriek that tries to come out. Steve pulls you to the edge of the table and bullies his way between your legs, your thighs bracketing his hips. Steve’s hands return to the buttons of your dress.
“Then we have to gather the right materials. See what we’re working with, right?” He pauses, looking at you for confirmation as if you have any idea what he’s saying. You nod mindlessly and Steve proceeds to rip open the last few buttons, exposing your bra clad breasts. He hums in satisfaction as you cringe in embarrassment over the exposure. But all embarrassment leaves you when his big hands close over your breasts, squeezing and groping appreciatively.
“Mmmm yeah. These’ll do,” Steve hums before leaning in and kissing over where they swell out of their cups from the squeeze of his strong hands. You gasp when he yanks the bra down to expose them fully. Steve’s brows life. “These tits’ll definitely do.”
Next thing you know, Steve is kissing and sucking his way from one breast to the other, leaving you a twitching mess in his arms. You feel a hardness press into your apex beneath the skirt of your dress and it occurs to you that he’s turned on just like you are. Which is a stupid thought since he’s literally sucking hickeys all over you right now, but your lust addled mind can still barely comprehend that this is happening right now.
When you begin rolling your hips into that hardness, Steve takes notice.
Pulling back, lips wet, he grins at you.
“Me playing with these tits not enough for you?” he asks, one hand still fondling your breast. Lucky for you, he doesn’t seem interested in a reply. Instead he flips your skirt up, showing the dark wet patch that’s bloomed in your panties and - more importantly - the erection clear in his tight jeans. “That’s alright. It’s not enough for me either.”
You blink slowly as you watch him grind his hard on against your clothed pussy. The friction catches on your clit and you gasp, unable to take your eyes off the outline of the shape pressing against you. Steve takes your hand and brings it down between your bodies, squeezing to make you grip his cock.
“Feel that? You did this to me,” he says, almost accusatory if not for the chuckle. A possessive thrill of pride runs down your spine and you squeeze at him, making him grunt in appreciation. Steve looks up at you from beneath his lashes in a faux display of boyishness. “Gonna help me out here?”
You nod feverishly.
“Yes…I…please–,” is all you manage to get out before Steve’s mouth is on you. The kiss is deep and possessive and aggressive and you feel absolutely devoured. His hands feel like they are everywhere at once, paradoxically, as he pulls at you and grips you and grabs you. So distracted see you by his mouth and tongue that you barely register a moment of cold air hitting between your legs before the warm slide of something hot and thick rubs against your opening.
“Now for the big lesson,” Steve says, the corner of his mouth curving lasciviously. The fat head of his cock teases at your clit, making you sink your nails into his arms. He’s big. Huge even. And that’s the last thought you have before he’s begin to slide himself inside you, splitting you open.
“Steve!” It comes out in a rush with all the air he punches out of you with the penetration. Steve kisses your neck and hums.
“That’s it, baby. That’s it.”
He bottoms out and there’s nothing but your ragged breaths to fill the silence for a moment before he’s pulling out, causing you to reel again.
“I know it’s big, baby, I know,” he coos. The taunting cockiness should put you off, but for some reason it heats you up even more. One his hands finds your clit and you let out a moan at the expert circles he begins to rub in.
Your walls relax with the stimulation, and your increasing wetness makes it easy for Steve to begin fucking you in earnest.
“Taking it so well, baby. Fuck.”
His words ring in your ears and it feels like everything begins and ends with Steve in your line of sight.
“Oh…oh…” you moan with each inward stroke. You’re rocketing towards a climax better than your most lavish fantasies.
Steve Harrington is fucking you. On his dining room table.
Your arms are around his neck, but eventually he pushes you down so your back is flat against the wooden surface. With his hands on your hips, Steve holds you steady so he can piston his hips at a break neck speed. Your entire body rocks against the table, Steve’s eyes focused on the bounce of your breasts with the force of each thrust.
“This is so much better than homework, fuck!” he groans out. You let out a breathless laugh at that and Steve looks down at you. “This is what you wanted, right? For me to fuck you all this time?”
The embarrassment surges up again but he hits a spot deep down inside that makes you whine instead. Steve takes it as confirmation.
“Bet you’ve been wet every time you’ve come over here. Just hoping I’d fuck this - fuck. This tight little pussy.”
“Yes. Yes, Steve.”
“Yes, Steve,” Steve mimics your pathetic, breathy confession. He’s close himself now, and his fingers are sure to leave bruises from the force of him squeezing you. “Next time I should just bend you over while you’re doing my work and fuck you. How’s that sound?”
You don’t say anything, too far gone at this point, and Steve laughs.
“Probably wouldn’t be able to keep doing my work with my cock in you. Makes you too brainless apparently.”
You’re practically drooling as you gaze up at him with hazy eyes, seconds from your orgasm. You being so out of it is what’s doing it most for Steve.
“Christ, look at you. Smartest girl in school and here you are, fucked stupid. It’s so. Fucking. Hot.”
And you - someone who until today had never been called hot ever - find yourself breaking into a million pieces with his words. Your orgasm crashes over you and you spasm around him, back arching off the table as you let out a massive cry.
~*~
Over time you are able to build up to a point where you don’t go as brainless. Eventually you’re able to kind of still do his homework as Steve fucks you.
But inevitably during every tutoring session there comes a point where Steve hits that place inside you just right, and his filthy words filter into your ear - and you go dumb.
Just the way he likes it.
~*~
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Hope you enjoyed! Please reblog and comment to let me know!
Read Part 2
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jungwondazed · 7 months
Text
quiet.
description: heeseung x reader // (slight degradation + praise, fear of being caught, closet sex)
a/n: oh to have a boyfriend like heeseung where the sex never gets boring
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heeseung was very particular with sex. he was never satisfied with just fucking, he always insisted on adding onto it with something to fuel the excitement. 
he likes tight spaces. he likes recording. he likes quickies. ropes. school uniforms. in a department store changing room. right before class. 
heeseung gets turned on when you’re worried you’ll get caught. his cock twitches when you think you can’t take something. he lives out his sexual fantasies by forcing you to be slightly out of your comfort zone.
“you gotta be quiet for me baby” he breathes out right by your ear as you fuck up and down on his dick. you don’t answer and shamelessly bury your face into his neck.
“sounds like you’re losing your mind all over my dick isn’t that right ___?” he teases you again. it wasn’t like you chose to be in this position. forcing you into some random closet of his parent’s huge lake house where all his relatives were running free to celebrate the last day of summer break. 
you can’t string any words together with the proximity and fear of being caught, all while feeling so fucking good on his cock. you love fucking heeseung, you love being able to bounce on him over and over. holding onto his broad shoulders and feeling up his arms, having his hands wrap around your waist to guide you up and down. there was no better feeling than this.
he leans back, holding himself up with his forearms digging into the closet floor. 
“wanna see your pretty face.” even with that grin, the look in his hooded eyes is dark and alluring. he maintains eye contact while you ride him, then slowly lingering his gaze down your body, making you squirm out of self consciousness. his eyes still once it finally lands on your entrance, seeing you being stretched out by him. he bites his lip to hold back a groan. 
“you’re so tight around me ___, so fucking tight.” he watches you move up and down, licking his lips when he sees you leaving a white ring of cream around the base of him. something shifts in his eyes and suddenly he pulls you down to lay flat on his chest, bringing his arms to wrap around your back.
“i’m gonna fuck the shit out of this pussy, ___, i'm gonna fuck the shit out of you” he breathes out heavily, lifting his lower body up to pound into you. you can hardly process the sudden change of position and you let out a sob into shoulders, quickly silencing yourself after realizing where you are.
“i told you to be fucking quiet.” and you partially listen. you can’t help but to keep whimpering, biting onto his shirt to help it as much as possible.
heeseung fucks into you and you can’t do anything but lay on him and take it. he fucks hard and you feel every inch of it. he fucks you at a pace you’d never be able to ride him at and it brings tears to your eyes and all you wanna do is cry out for him.
the closet fills with the sound of you squelching against him and you feel yourself about to let go.
“you better not make a fucking mess ___, know where you are right now.” yet he keeps giving it to you like you need it and you have no choice but to want to cum all over him. 
“can’t take it hee” you whimper out, trying to get off of him, and he forces you back down. pressing his hand firmly onto the small of your back and thrusting up into you harder. he kisses the side of your face and you can feel how close he is too. 
“i’m gonna cum with you baby, can you cum when i do too my pretty girl?” you nod and whine into him again. he always sweet talks you and drops the mean act when he’s close.
“love you so fucking much, want you to make a mess all over my dick baby. give it to me,  want you to cum as hard as you want.”
his brace around you is firm but you feel a change in the way he touches you. his hands are more slow, trying to soak in every part of your body. he kisses the sides of your face, your shoulders. his mouth latches onto your neck and he sucks down on it to quiet himself as well. 
“gonn- fuck- cum all in you.” he moans out in between your neck and you lose yourself all over him, feeling your release in every inch of your being, pressing your hand hard over your mouth to not make a noise. your eyes gloss over and you feel your whole body trembling.
he fucks you through your orgasm and sucks hard on your skin, knowing it’ll leave a mark later. it feels too fucking good, too good that you lose all reasoning and call out his name over and over. he lets his mouth go from your neck to breathe out soft groans, not caring about whether you both were too loud anymore. you ride out your orgasm too, both of your bodies moving into each other until you were too tired to move at all. 
he’s gorgeous after he cums, his eyes barely opening, collapsing back down onto the ground. he lays like that for a few minutes to catch his breath. once he realizes your eyes on him he brings himself up to make out with you. kissing you hard, moaning a bit into your mouth, all with his cock still inside. he finds yours hands with his and interlocks your fingers, smiling through your kisses. pulling back every once in awhile to admire you all over again.
it takes awhile for you and heeseung to pull yourself together and leave the closet to go back to the family, and your mind starts to wonder where heeseung wants it next.
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hooniblr · 2 months
Text
𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 (𝐘𝐄𝐓) 𝐈𝐈
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PAIRING ▸ nishimura riki x female feader
WORD COUNT ▸ 4.8k
GENRE ▸ high school au, brother’s best friend au, fluff, angst
SYNOPSIS ▸ After spending the better part of your adolescent life crushing on your brother’s best friend, you finally decide to call it quits on your unrequited feelings when you come to the conclusion that’s all they will ever be—unrequited. The only problem is that getting rid of these feelings that have been lurking in your heart is much more difficult than you anticipated. Especially because the object of your affections keeps making it hard for you to move on.
Or the one where Riki resorts to blackmail.
WARNINGS ▸ reader as sunoo’s twin sister, riki as sunoo’s bestie, feat. some of the newjeans members, reader is an expert at hiding her feelings, misunderstandings, pining, slow burn, blackmail, broken promises, hurt feelings
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NOTE — thank you for all the love on part one! hope you guys like this part. mdni banner made by @/benkeibear
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“You still haven’t told Sunoo about your new hobby?”
“No. I know he would just worry about me getting hurt.” You sighed. “So would my parents.”
Minji furrowed her eyebrows. “Don’t you think hiding it is doing too much? You’re not doing anything bad. It’s just jiujitsu.”
“You know how my mom gets. She wants me to do things ‘normal girls do’ like that’s going to make me act like her friends’ kids. Remember when she tried to make me join the choir?”
“Yeah.” Danielle grimaced. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get so embarrassed.”
You and Minji shared her grimace. Your audition probably went down as the worst in the history of the entire school. “I’m actually kind of good at jiujitsu, and I like doing it. If I tell Sunoo about it he won’t let me go back to the dojo ever again.”
Minji sighed. She knew you were right. Having an overprotective family would be the death of you.
“Come on.” She said, hoping to distract you from your inner turmoil. “Let’s go eat in the courtyard.”
“You don’t want to go to the cafeteria?”
"Riki’s in there.” Danielle reminded you. “So is Heeseung.”
“True.” You pursed your lips. “I’ll meet you guys out there. I have to drop off Sunoo’s stuff first.”
The hallway was relatively empty when you wandered up the stairs. You were glad no one was around because it would make it easier to drop off your brother’s bag—which he had inconveniently forgotten in the morning, again. When you glanced inside his classroom, it was completely alone, much to your relief.
After dumping the bag on his desk, you made a run for it. Sure, you were probably being overly paranoid, but you couldn’t risk running into Riki. Especially not after last night.
“Kim Y/N.”
Hearing your full government name made you freeze just before you reached the stairs. Your heart and mind had memorized that smooth melody long ago. You slowly turned around, heart stuttering despite knowing what sight awaited you. Riki’s usually sweet gaze had been replaced with one that was full of disapproving anger and something else; something you couldn’t discern.
“Riki.” You said his name breathlessly.
Your wide-eyed gaze only confirmed his suspicions. Up until now, you never had a problem being around him, or even looking at him. Right now, Riki could see that you were itching to get away from him as if he was some sort of parasite. He knew your awkward behavior was nothing more than a byproduct of hanging around that bastard Lee Heeseung, and it only made his anger grow immutably.
“I saw you last night.” Riki’s tone was accusing, knowing he was approaching the situation in a completely immature way. “I know you haven’t been hanging out at the internet cafe. You go to that dojo with Lee Heeseung.”
Out of all the things you expected Riki to say, him bringing up your secret jiujitsu lessons wasn’t on the list. It was clear that he disapproved, but you weren’t sure why he seemed as upset as he did. Did he know Sunoo wouldn’t approve as well? They truly were best friends. You were glad to see that the loyalty wasn’t just a one-way street despite the fact that it was now backfiring on you.
And so, like a deer caught in headlights, you could only blink at him bovinely as he gave you a stare that demanded answers.
“Does Sunoo know what you’ve been doing instead of going home?”
Your eyes widened in realization. Riki was going to rat you out.
“Please don’t say anything.” You begged, clasping your fingers together to form the classic pleading gesture. “I know he wouldn’t approve, and if he tells our parents then I won’t be able to go anymore.”
Riki clenched his jaw. Was being able to see that idiot so important to you? Enough to risk getting in trouble with your parents? He wondered how you would feel about Heeseung if you knew the truth about him. You definitely wouldn’t feel the same way about him if you found out what kind of person he really was.
Even so, your shimmering eyes had him thinking twice about ruining what you had with Heeseung. He could see that you were clearly infatuated with that idiot to the point that you were willing to upset your entire family by seeing him. The fact that you were even willing to go to that stupid dojo with him was enough indication of how much you liked him. (As if you avoiding him wasn’t proof enough.)
“Well—”
“Y/N!”
Sunoo bounded over to you with his rowdy friends following close behind him. Your panic-filled eyes glanced from Riki to your brother. You tried to straighten out your dismayed expression with a tense smile.
“Twin!” You exclaimed a little too happily. “I left your bag on your desk.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot—”
“I’ll see you at home.” You rushed out, not giving either boys a chance to respond before you took off down the stairs.
Luckily for you, neither of them followed after you. As you reached the bottom of the stairs, you looked back just to make sure. At that moment, you bumped into someone and nearly fell back. Stumbling awkwardly, you started to apologize for not watching where you were going.
“It’s okay. You’re not hurt, are you?”
Seeing Sunghoon’s worried expression almost made you roll your eyes. Instead, you told him you were fine and kept walking because the last thing you needed was to deal with your ex. Unfortunately, you weren’t allowed a stealthy getaway.
“What’s going on between you and Lee Heeseung?”
You glanced over your shoulder, annoyed that Sunghoon was following you. It would’ve been easy to ignore him, but you knew he wasn’t going to leave you alone since he had asked you in that nosy tone of his. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw you two at Jake’s party.” Sunghoon sounded insecure or something close to it. “Do you like him or something?”
An incredulous scoff tumbled past your lips. “What do you care? Are you jealous?”
“Yes—extremely.” His pout was objectively cute, but you couldn’t see it as anything other than annoying. “Since when did you start hanging around Lee Heeseung?”
It was usually easy for you to hide your feelings, but now your indignation was the one taking control as you turned to face him. “Around the time you stopped.”
Sunghoon’s eyes widened. If Heeseung had mentioned their brief friendship to you, it’s because he had explicit trust in you. The theory that he concocted the other night couldn’t be too far off from the truth. It made him feel a terrible dread in his gut. Heeseung wasn’t the type to reveal any private information, which brought Sunghoon back to the conclusion that you weren’t just anyone his former friend.
“So, Heeseung likes you then.”
You don’t think you had ever heard anything more ridiculous. It was obvious that Sunghoon was still too self absorbed to see that Heeseung had been pining for Song Yura for the longest time. His unrequited feelings are the reason you two had gotten so close. Not that it was any of your ex’s business.
You scoffed quietly before an apathetic smile spread on your lips. “Think what you want.”
Sunghoon frowned. As he went to say something else, you went out the exit leading to the courtyard. He could only watch you walk away from him with a disheartened expression.
Thinking you had successfully gotten him to back off was your first mistake.
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“Which movie did you pick?” You wondered as you put the popcorn bag in the microwave.
“I didn’t pick one yet.” Sunoo said from the living room. “Riki’s coming over so I wanted to let him decide on the movie too.”
You nearly dropped the bowl you pulled out of the cabinet. Maybe you should’ve felt upset that Sunoo conveniently forgot to mention that his bestie was crashing your movie night, but you were too panicked to feel angry or anything related to that emotion. It didn’t even have to do with the fact that you were practically in love with Riki. Instead it was about the not-so-small tidbit that he knew your secret and was probably planning to tell your brother all about it.
“I thought you said it was just going to be us tonight.” You did your best to sound upset although you were sure your voice was shaking.
“Riki wanted to hang out. You know I can’t tell him no.” Sunoo pouted as you went to sit by him. “You’ve never had a problem with him coming over before.”
That was before you decided to get over him.
“The three of us haven’t hung out together in a while. It’ll be good for him to come over, anyway. He could use your advice.”
“My advice?” You mimicked curiously. “Advice for what?”
“He got a love letter from Song Yura today.” Sunoo said with a giddy laugh. “He didn’t let me see what it said, but I think she confessed to him.”
“Maybe it wasn’t a love letter.” You said pathetically, knowing it was your wishful thinking doing the talking.
“But she even has his helmet. Not his extra one, his favorite one. I’m sure it won’t be long before they’re a couple.”
It was hard not to feel like a deflated balloon with what Sunoo was saying. Not only because Song Yura was obviously someone very special to Riki (he didn’t let just anyone touch that helmet), but because you knew Heeseung was going to feel heartbroken once he heard the news.
You couldn’t be surprised that this happened. It wasn’t like this was the first time Riki had gotten a girlfriend. He’d had plenty between the time you’d met him and now.
So, why did this feel so much worse than all the other times?
The title of the movie the boys selected went over your head. Your inner turmoil had the knots in your stomach tightening with every passing second. You weren’t sure whether to focus on the fact that Riki might expose your secret or that one of the prettiest girls in school had confessed to him. The choice wasn’t left to you as your mind alternated from thinking about the two problems periodically.
Your eyes were focused on the TV screen, but you were too busy thinking to see any of what was actually happening. Honestly, it was a good thing that Riki could potentially get into a relationship. If he did, it would be the thing to help her move on once and for all. Although watching him end up with someone else wouldn’t be painless, it would for the best. At least that’s what you tried to tell yourself.
Also, should Riki start to date Yura, then maybe he would be too caught up in his relationship to bring up your secret. Or maybe that was more of your wishful thinking since Riki was much more bothered about your jiujitsu lessons than you expected. You still couldn’t figure out why. It couldn’t be just because of his friendship to your brother. No matter how many times you went over it in your head, you couldn’t figure out why he cared so much.
Somehow, the movie ended before you could focus on it. With Sunoo telling Riki to pick another movie because he needed to use the restroom, you mindlessly wandered into the kitchen under the pretense of making more popcorn for the second movie. In reality, you needed to put some distance between you and Riki. Being alone with him wouldn’t do your resilience any good, and it definitely wasn’t helping your nerves. Unfortunately for you, nothing ever went as planned.
“We didn’t finish our conversation.”
Your hands stilled. Calm down. Breathe. You pressed the start button on the microwave before turning around to face Riki.
His thick eyebrow was raised, and that domineering look from before made an appearance once again. “Are you really going to keep doing jiujitsu even though you know your family won’t approve?”
You almost told him that he also did plenty of things that his family didn’t approve of, but you knew it wasn’t smart to get snarky with the person who knew your secret. Telling him the real reason you were practicing jiujitsu was out of the question. So, left without any other choice, you decided to bring up your friend in the hopes that he would leave it alone.
“It’s something fun to do with Heeseung.”
Astoundingly enough, Riki’s stern gaze became even more lethal. “Can’t you do something else with that idiot?” His voice rose unintentionally. “How can you want to keep learning jiujitsu just because that’s what—?”
“Shh!” You hissed in a panic, practically pouncing on Riki as you placed your hands over his mouth. “Sunoo will hear you!”
As you looked towards the living room worriedly, Riki found himself frozen in shock. Your soft hands pressing against his lips had his heart pounding harshly against his chest. From this close, he could see every single one of your eyelashes and the deep color of your pretty eyes. He couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought, only focusing on the close proximity. You smell invaded his senses and disarmed him completely.
When you looked back at Riki, you noticed he was looking at you strangely. It was then that you realized how close you two were. Literally chest to chest. You jumped back, feeling a bit of heat spread on your face.
“Sorry.” You apologized. “Just please don’t say anything.”
You rushed back into the living room before Riki could say anything else. All you could focus on was your erratic heartbeat that wouldn’t slow down. How could he affect you so much without even doing anything? It wasn’t fair because you were sure your presence didn’t have the same affect on him. The heat on your face hadn’t gone down even when Riki came back with the popcorn. If he noticed how flustered you looked, he didn’t mention it.
“Y/N.” Sunoo said as he walked back into the living room. “What’s this? Is it yours?”
Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when you saw Sunoo holding up your gi. You nearly choked, not knowing what to say since you were practically caught red-handed. Since when did he go through the laundry?
“That’s Danielle’s.” Riki said suddenly. “She asked me to get it for her when I came over.”
Without any hesitation, Sunoo handed the garments to Riki. While you were grateful that he hadn’t outed your secret, the nerves of him possibly changing his mind had you fidgeting uncomfortably as the two boys picked another movie. All throughout the comedy, you kept stealing glances at Riki. He didn’t look at you once, and you mentally cursed him for being so good at hiding his emotions.
When it was time for Riki to leave, you offered to see him out. Instead of walking him to the door, you stepped out into the cold night with him. You stood in front of Riki, nervously playing with the hem of her hoodie.
“Thank you for not telling my brother.”
“I’ll keep your secret.” Riki promised. “But you have to do something for me.”
You should’ve been suspicious at the tone he’d gotten, but you were too caught up with his promise not to tell anyone about your jiujitsu lessons. “What’s that?”
“I won’t tell anyone about what you’ve been up to as long as you stop going to that dojo and stop seeing Lee Heeseung.”
You thought he was joking until you that saw his somber expression didn’t change. Your eyebrows pulled together in confusion. She could understand the first part of his request, but what did you being friends with Heeseung have to do with anything?
“What? I can’t just—”
“Should I let your brother know what you’ve been doing, then?” Riki raised a challenging eyebrow at you.
Your shoulders sagged. “No.”
Riki held back a grin, but only just. “So, do we have a deal?”
“Yes.” You agreed reluctantly.
His signature smirk made an appearance. He lifted his hand and rested it on your head, softly ruffling the top of your hair. “Good. See you later.”
“Wait!” You called, pointing at the garments in his hand. “My gi!”
Riki glanced down at the clothing in his hands. Again, he looked up at her with that smirk of his. “This? I think I’ll hold onto it for the time being.” His smirk seemed mocking now, but it was still fatally attractive. Damn him. “Go back inside. You’ll catch a cold out here.”
And so, you watched Riki get on his motorcycle and take off with a sulky scowl on your face.
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“Y/N.”
Riki was leaning against his motorcycle as he beckoned you over to where he was. You hesitantly walked over, feeling your palms begin to perspire. Ever since you decided to go behind his back and still go to the dojo with Heeseung, you felt like you were on the brink of being caught.
“Where are you heading?”
To the dojo. “Oh... I was just going home since Minji and Danielle can’t hang out today.”
“Let’s get something to eat.” Riki’s words left no room for any disagreements. He handed you his spare helmet casually. “Hop on.”
You shook her head frantically. “Oh—no. You don’t have to. I’m not—”
“Come on.” He insisted, forcing the helmet into your hands. “Don’t you want your gi back?”
You scowled. “Fine.”
After putting on the helmet, you hesitantly got on the back of his motorcycle. It was embarrassing since you didn’t exactly fit on the edge of the bike, though, it mostly had to do with you sitting as far from him as the narrow seat would allow. You were sure you’d turn into putty if you had any physical contact with him.
“Hold on tight.”
You grimaced, torn between playing out the one fantasy that had been replaying through your head for months and your rational need to set boundaries so your feelings would stop growing. You awkwardly grabbed Riki’s shoulders, hoping that you wouldn’t fall off once he took off.
Riki laughed at your obvious unease. He decided to do a break check so you’d realize that not holding onto him wasn’t an option. Suddenly, you were flung forward. The front of your body collided with Riki’s firm back with a loud thud. For a moment, you thought you had hurt him until you saw his shoulders shaking with laughter. You glared at the back of his head. “Riki!”
“I told you to hold on.” Riki said, the lilt in his voice was teasing yet there was also a serious undertone to his words. “Do you want to fly off?”
You almost told him that you wouldn’t if he went slow enough. However, you kept your mouth shut and hoped your obsession wouldn’t grow as you hesitantly wrapped your arms around his torso. You gently rested your head against his back and closed your eyes. Just for a second, you told yourself. For a small moment, you would let go of the worries that burdened you and simply enjoy being close to the boy you liked.
Something unfamiliar tugged at Riki’s chest. His head shifted a little, wanting to catch a glimpse of the girl on his back. Your arms were secured around his waist and you were leaning on him, but he suddenly found that it wasn’t enough. Somehow he wanted you even closer. Riki cleared his throat quietly, pushing the unfamiliar thoughts out of his mind for the time being.
And so, you two sped off, neither of you noticing the boy who had been watching their entire interaction from afar.
You uncomfortably picked at the food in front of you. Had this been last year, you would’ve been overjoyed at sharing a meal with Riki (part of you still was), but now you couldn’t help but feel like this was all some sort of trap. Like he knew you had gone against your promis and was waiting on Sunoo to show up to tell him everything.
“Are you not hungry?” Riki wondered with a slight frown. “Bulgogi is your favorite.”
Honestly, you felt like puking up all the butterflies in her stomach, but he didn’t need to know that. “I’m not really hungry.” Your words were hardly convincing, but Riki seemed to believe you. “I got used to not eating as much because of jiujitsu.”
Riki’s jaw ticked in annoyance. “Is that really all it is?”
“Yeah.” You nodded your head. “I swear.”
That aggravated look he had been getting a lot lately found its way onto his face again. “Are you sure it’s not because you can’t see Heeseung?”
Your reluctance to answer the question had irritation crawling up his skin like a parasite. He knew that’s what it was. The shy look on your face was all the indication he needed to know you were thinking about that idiot. Riki only asked you because he hoped that you would tell him. Once you did, he would tell you that Heeseung wasn’t worth your time.
“It’s not like that.” You told him, confused that he was getting so worked up.
“Do you like him?” Riki demanded, needing to hear those words come out of your mouth. “Tell me the truth.”
His tone caught you off guard. You chewed on your bottom lip, wondering if you should mess with him a little since he took your stuff. Maybe it was petty of you, but you decided to do it anyway. You gave him a half-smile that you were sure looked more like a grimace. “That’s a secret.”
Riki was sure his jaw would snap at any moment from the amount of pressure he was putting on it. “Just know you’re out of his league. You’re way too pretty to settle for him of all people.”
You felt like your heart was ready to burst at any moment from how fast it was beating. Damn him. Damn your feelings for him. You were aware Riki only spoke his words out of kindness (and out of his dislike for Heeseung), but your dumb heart couldn’t tell the difference. It was clear that Riki didn’t see you the way he saw Song Yura. To him, you would always be Sunoo’s sister. But for a brief moment, you allowed herself to believe that he sincerely meant what he said.
Your shocked gaze had Riki coughing nervously. It wasn’t the first time he called you pretty, but this time it felt different from all the previous times. His words seemed more... intimate, somehow.
You didn’t realize you were full-on staring until the chime of a text notification pulled you out of the trance that was Riki’s intense gaze. Your jaw nearly dropped when she saw Heeseung’s name on the screen. He didn’t text you very often, and when he did it was only ever to tell you he wouldn’t be at the dojo.
Where are you?
You briefly glanced at Riki before quickly typing out a reply.
I’m at the corner restaurant near the dojo. I’ll be there soon.
You put your phone back on the table, feeling like there was an impending doom waiting for you. There was this inkling you had that nothing good could come from Heeseung’s ominous message. Even so, you chose to ignore it for the time being.
“So.” Riki cleared his throat, not knowing why he suddenly felt so shy. “What’s so great about your little crush, anyway?”
You contemplated your next words. Riki probably thought you were going to tell him about Heeseung, but he could never know what you were about to say was all about him. It was the only opportunity you would have to tell Riki how you really felt about him.
“Ever since we met, he’s been nothing but kind to me. He sees me for who I am.” The corner of your mouth lifted a bit. “Some people think he’s a jerk, but he isn’t really. He’s actually really sweet and caring.”
Riki’s expression hardened. Sweet? Caring? Yeah, right. He was sure that he could be much more sweet than Heeseung who had the emotional range of a fish.
“What about you, Riki?” You questioned despite knowing his answers would only hurt your feelings. “Everyone’s talking about how much you like Yura. What kind of person is she?”
Riki raised his eyebrows, baffled. “What? I don’t—”
He cut himself off when he saw a familiar (and unwelcome) presence approach the table. If you thought his gaze was harsh before, it didn’t compare to the murderous look that crossed his face in that instant. You followed his gaze, mouth dropping open in surprise when you saw Heeseung standing about two feet away from the table.
“H-Heeseung?” You choked out, unable to believe that he was actually there.
“I got worried when you didn’t meet me at the dojo like we’d planned.” He said like his words weren’t the equivalent of dropping a bomb of chaos.
You could’ve choked Heeseung right then and there. What the hell did he think he was doing? You gave him a look, one that you hoped he would understand. Either he didn’t notice it or he didn’t care. You were willing to bet it was the latter.
“What are you doing here?” Riki’s voice was deceptively calm. “Don’t tell me you’re following her.”
In the few times you witnessed the two boys around each other, you knew it always got ugly fast. You could see where this encounter was heading, and it was heading there quick. Luckily for you, your saint of a brother decided to call you right then.
“Sunoo!” You hastily answered your phone. “What’s up?”
“Mom wants us home for dinner. She made ribs.”
“Okay. I’ll be there right away.” You hung up before he could say anything else. You scrambled to grab your bag. “I have to go—family emergency. See you guys later!”
With that, you ran away from the uncomfortable scene that was unfolding without looking back once.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
You waited at the front of your school anxiously. Riki hadn’t mentioned anything to Sunoo yet, and you were hoping you could convince him not to with a bit of begging. The seconds ticked by, and while you still hadn’t seen his familiar motorcycle, you saw the person who had dug you into a deeper hole.
“Lee Heeseung!” You hissed as you pulled him to the side. “What was that stunt you pulled yesterday? You know I can’t have anyone find out that I’m learning jiujitsu.”
Heeseung looked unfazed as ever. “I just want to know what you’re doing. You said you were trying to get over Nishimura, but you were having a meal with him.”
Your right eye twitched. “That’s because he said he would give me back my gi!” You whisper-yelled, wanting to pull on the ends of your hair in frustration. “Which he didn’t, thanks to you.”
“I also wanted to ask him why he has a problem with us being friends. It’s not like you’re his little sister.”
You’re not sure why that made your anger simmer to a simple irritation. Also, Heeseung did sort of have a point. You laughed incredulously, shoving his shoulder a bit. “You’re so immature, Hee. You know he has a problem with it because he doesn’t like you.”
Heeseung highly doubted the only reason Riki didn’t want you two hanging out was because of their mutual dislike for each other. He knew that you probably wouldn’t figure that out any time soon because you were too overwhelmed with your own feelings, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find out the truth on your behalf.
Your smile was quick to slip off your face when you saw Song Yura staring your way. The heartbroken look she had her on her face caught you by surprise. Even worse, Riki was standing directly behind her. You felt herself panic. If there was any hope that your begging would convince him not to say anything, it was gone now. Now you were certain that you wouldn’t be able to crawl out of the hole you had dug yourself in.
Riki on the other hand could only look on with a glare. He had never planned on exposing your secret. It was only a pretense to get you to stop hanging around that prick, but now he could truly see that your feelings were stronger than your fear of getting in trouble. He had suspected that was the case for some time now, yet it still made him feel sick.
Why did it have to be Lee Heeseung of all people? Why couldn’t it be... anyone else?
Riki turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction, not knowing what to make of the heaviness in his chest.
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taglist: @hoondiors @blurryriki @miiequalsx
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neonghostlights · 10 months
Note
If you’re taking requests could you write something with Eddie surviving the upside down and he’s trying to get back into the swing of things. He moves in with reader so she can care for him. She gets his pills for him everyday, makes sure he takes them, changes his bandages helps him bathe and changes his clothes. I just picture everyone over sitting around a table it’s the first time they’ve seen Eddie since he’s discharged from the hospital, maybe a game night or eating pizza and Eddie is all bandaged up under a t shirt and sweatpants. No one has ever seen him without his leather jacket or jean vest. Reader is behind him guiding him to the table and he’s kind of groany as he sits down. Nobody really knows how to act around him they are just grateful he’s alive. Maybe he’s struggling to find his independence, but it’s not readers fault she has been his rock through everything. Angst, but Happy ending please please
Hi, this was my first request ever! Hope I did okay.
Warnings: Pills/Pain medication, Parental Drug Addiction, Pain, Wounds, Eddie gets a little grumpy, 18+ only
Word count: 2.5k
Even If It Hurts
Eddie sat on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. His hair sat in a bun at the nape of his neck, now loose from sleep. The sheets of the bed were pulled back on both sides. Your empty spot cold since you had been up for probably a while by now. 
The sound of you clinking around through the kitchen made Eddie want to smile but he couldn't bring himself to. Mornings were the worst for his pain. Lying in bed for hours while being unconscious and utterly still made it excruciating when it was finally time to move his muscles. Even just sitting on the side of the bed unassisted was painful. 
It was progress though. He couldn’t do this a few weeks ago. He knew you were going to be so proud of him when you came in here to collect him. He wouldn’t tell you how painful it was or how it took everything inside him not to scream or thrash just from moving his torso. He wouldn’t tell you how he had to put a piece of the blanket between his teeth so no noises would slip through. 
Your slippered feet pattered down the hall towards him. Each scuff against the wooden floor boards bringing you closer to him. 
You peeked your head into the room, eyes searching Eddie’s spot in the bed. When you saw him sitting up, using the edge of the nightstand as a crutch to hold himself in place, your eyes grew wide. 
“Look at you,” you cooed softly. Not ready to break the trance of the early morning.
Eddie made a face. Perhaps it could be qualified as a smile but it was more like a grimace. He tried to hide his pain from you sometimes but you knew. Smiles from Eddie were hard to come by these days. You tried so hard to bring back the personality of the man you knew. The doctors told you it would take a while. He went through something traumatic and that changes a person. You were told to give him some space. 
But you had some tricks up your sleeves. 
You held the pain pill in your palm out to him. He was able to do this part on his own, the placing of the pill on the tongue. You placed the glass of water to his lips when he was ready, tilting it for him to wash it down. It was too heavy for him to lift on his own before the pain medication kicked in. Only a dribble of water ran down his chin this time, an improvement from when you first started doing this for him and you would both end up soaked. 
Eddie had a hard time when he first left the hospital a few weeks ago with taking the pain medication. It reminded him of his fathers addiction too much. Eddie was always aware of the dangers of prescription pills, which was why he stuck to weed mostly. But after refusing to take them the pain became too much and he was crying and begging for them. You and him had come up with a good routine, you thought. It kept him on track without feeling like  he was taking too many. 
Eddie gulped the pill and water down, taking a deep breath of relief when he was able to breathe again. 
“Physical therapy is gonna be proud,” you hummed as you set up his walker. The buttons clicking into place loudly throughout the mostly quiet room. Eddie didn’t say anything in reply, just a little nod of his head that you barely caught out the corner of your eye. 
You put the walker in front of him, holding it down with force so he could pull himself up without it falling over or moving out of his grasp. 
He shifted and shuffled, moving to the edge of the bed. It was too soon for the pain pills to completely kick in yet, but it was a little easier to move now that his body had warmed up some this morning. 
With a quick 1,2,3 murmured under his breath he pushed himself up, latching onto the walker before his upper half could fall back onto the bed. He had to move around, even if it hurts. 
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Eddie had once dreamed about being in a shower with a pretty girl.
His dreams never included wound cleaning and a cold plastic shower chair though. 
You stood behind Eddie, detachable shower head in hand as you wet his hair. The curls stretched out across the top of his back. His hair weighed down from the weight of the water. His hair always looked longer like this. It made him excited to grow it out even longer. 
There had been a time when he got out of the hospital where he thought he was going to have to cut it all out. 
Thanks to you, a whole bottle of conditioner, three combs, and a thing of detangling spray, you were able to save his hair. 
It wasn’t just his hair though. You had saved a lot of parts of him since he’d woken up in that hospital bed. It made him emotional to think about the way you were so soft with him even when he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t know how to voice his thanks enough for you to understand how deeply grateful he was for you. 
You worked the suds of the shampoo through the strands of hair. You took your time when you did this, making sure to rub his scalp in a way that sent tingles down his spine. 
The feeling was becoming too much along with his already emotional thoughts of the morning. A few tears slipped out, trailing down his cheeks. They blended in with the water that already dripped off him from the shower head, disappearing down the drain where they would remain a secret. Eddie hated how much he cried now. It was always either from the pain or the guilt of having you care for him like this. He knew you didn't mind having to do everything for him. He knew one day he would be independent again. He just didn’t think he deserved a love like this. 
After the shower, you dried his hair while he took care of drying his body. Always careful to not open any wounds. You applied the thick, strong smelling ointment to his injuries with precision before wrapping them in gauze and tape. It burnt when the smell of the medicine hit his nose. Wayne had tried to do this one time but he and Eddie couldn’t get the bandages to look as neat as you did. 
Wayne felt bad about taking the back seat and letting you do all of this for his nephew. He felt like as a parent it was his responsibility. His back was bad though from years of working at the plant. After a day of helping Eddie, Wayne could hardly walk. After that, it was agreed that you would do all of the heavy lifting. Each day it became less tough with Eddie’s growing independence. It may seem small, but it was a massive improvement from when he first came home and couldn’t get out of the bed. 
The toughest part of the day was over. Bathroom and hygiene needs were met, breakfast eaten, the rest of the morning pills down, and stretches prescribed by the physical therapist completed. Eddie sat back in the recliner, dozing off in front of the TV while you cleaned. 
Usually you would sit with him and watch the talk shows he complained about but secretly loved. He craned his neck, trying to get a glance of you as you wiped down the kitchen table. 
You must have felt his stare because you looked up at him, gracing him with a pretty smile. 
“Come sit with me,” Eddie requested. “You’re doing too much.”
You dropped the rag on the table before making your way to him. “You feeling neglected in here?” You asked, a hint of humor in your voice. 
Eddie let out a small laugh. His hand found yours as you stood beside where he sat. His rough hands rubbed against your soft ones. No matter how much lotion you slathered on him, the calluses from years of guitar playing just weren’t going to disappear. 
“Our shows on,” he said, nodding his head at the TV. 
“It is,” you said with a smile, pushing a stray strand of hair off his forehead. You would need to trim his bangs soon. That could be added onto the to do list for tomorrow. 
“Come here,” he muttered, tugging on you as much as he could to bring you down into the recliner with him. 
“Eddie,” you warned. “I can’t get in here with you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” he said as you carefully sat beside him, trying not to touch him. 
Eddie used as much of his upper body as he could to position you closer. When you noticed he wasn’t going to give up, you scooted closer. Carefully placing your head on his shoulder. 
“You’re doing better every day, Eds,” you whispered to him softly as his eyes grew heavy. 
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Eddie wasn’t sure how long he dozed off for. The sound of soft talking is what pulled him out of his dream. He reflectively patted beside him, looking for you. Only to find the spot empty but still warm. 
He sighed as he stretched his limbs. The pain medicine from earlier were still in his system, helping to take the edge off. 
“Wakey, wakey,” someone said from beside him. Eddie jerked slightly, not prepared to have a stranger so close to his face. 
“Dustin,” you scolded, your voice farther away. 
Eddie’s eyes focused on the face of his friend just inches away from his own. 
“Henderson? What the hell are you doing?” Eddie questioned, leaning back slightly. 
“It’s game night! Come on!” Dustin said enthusiastically, pulling the blanket off Eddie. 
Eddie grumbled at the cold air hitting his skin. His arms automatically came up to cover his chest even though he had a tshirt on. 
“Dustin!” You yelled, coming closer to intervene. 
“What? I’m just going to help him up,” Dustin explained. 
“I got it. Why don’t you help Steve with the pizza?” You begged. 
Dustin walked away, mumbling about how Steve can’t even put some pizza on plates by himself. 
Eddie looked up at you in question. 
“Please don’t be mad,” you said softly so the visitors in the kitchen couldn’t hear you. “It was Dustin's idea. They just miss you so much.”
Eddie wasn’t mad at you. He just wasn’t ready. He hadn’t seen any one besides you or Wayne since he was discharged from the hospital. Everyone had called a few times to speak with him, and when they did he would pass the phone off to you so you could make an excuse for him. 
It wasn’t like he was avoiding them or anything. He was just embarrassed to be seen like this. 
You pulled the walker in front of the recliner so Eddie could get up. 
“Do you need to go to the bathroom before we go sit in the kitchen?” You asked. 
Eddie stared at you wide eyed, looking to make sure no one had heard you ask him that. He was used to you helping him to the toilet, but he didn’t want anyone else to know that. He shook his head quickly. 
You caught on to what his look meant and snapped your mouth shut tightly. 
Eddie pushed himself up from the recliner without warning and left the walker behind. You stuck a hand out to help him as he slowly walked to the kitchen table, wobbling without his extra support. He knew he would get an earful from you about it later but he didn’t want them to see him with the walker. 
He held onto you as you helped ease him into the kitchen chair. A low sound of pain erupted from his throat without warning. Sitting in the kitchen chairs was the worst for him. You had put a pillow in the seat and behind his back but it was still hard. 
Eddie looked up when he finally got situated to see all the eyes in the room on him. 
“What?” He asked, the word came out snappier than he intended it to. 
Steve was the first to speak up. “It’s just good to see you, man.”
Nancy nodded along. “It looks like you’re doing a lot better.”
Robin had a strange look on her face as she stared at Eddie. He raised a brow at her, telling her to go ahead and say what she wanted to say. 
“You’re not wearing black,” she blurted out. “It’s weird. But, like, totally in a good way.”
Eddie looked down at his white t-shirt and gray sweatpants combination and he couldn't hold back the laugh that came out of him. The rest of the table seemed to relax at his reaction, letting out a few chuckles of their own. You stared at him worried. 
“I got eaten by monster bats. I’m covered in bandages. I look like shit. I have to use a walker to get around. I can’t hardly do anything on my own. And you think the not wearing black is weird?” He finally asked through his laughs.
“We don’t care about that,” Mike spoke up. “We’re just happy you’re alive.”
Eddie sobered at this, looking around at all his friends sitting around the table. Some new and some old. 
He felt like he belonged here with these people that he fought to save the world with. That he almost gave up his life for. 
You reached over and squeezed his hand, noticing the emotion in his eyes. 
“Wayne brought over some of your dungeon master stuff he was able to save from the trailer. I figured we could play some DnD tonight?” You said. 
Eddie couldn’t help the smile that broke across his face. 
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Eddie still had it, even after over a month without touching DnD. 
He relaxed into the bed, reminiscing on the night he had. Things were awkward at first until the ice finally broke and everyone was bickering and joking with each other again. 
He could've played for hours longer but his body was screaming at him to rest. You finally made everyone go home, with plans to do this again next week. 
You were laid beside him, eyes closing and drifting off into sleep. 
“Thank you,” Eddie whispered into the darkness, hoping you were still awake enough to hear him. 
You didn’t answer because you didn’t need to. You simply reached over and started to trace shapes across his arm. Eddie felt the words “I love you” being drawn across his skin. 
“I love you,” he said out loud before sleep overtook him. 
The next day, Eddie was able to do a little bit more and then even more the day after. Slowly but surely, he healed with you and his friends by his side.
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