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anteroom-of-death · 4 months

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Teacher's Pet part 3

Synopsis: The Doctor struggles with morality. The student is struggling. Both are tearing themselves up.

A/n: I'm sorry for the bit of pain. The next one should be a bit more pain, but it will get better soon. Also. These things are fun to bang out. Especially when you listen to dramatic early 2000s nu metal. Thank you all. Your response to this mean the world to me.

Utterly ashamed and indecent, the Doctor remarked to himself once (y/n) fled the office. He felt utterly indecent. Ashamed. He was shocked that even he could hold such an array of thoughts. Not that he didn’t have similar thoughts before. He had been married before. To multiple people, multiple times. He was the reason why the Virgin Queen wasn’t really a Virgin.

But to a student? No, he couldn’t. Even though this was a charade, he still felt bound to at least some of the rules a professor should follow…

And the scenarios his mind was running? Much more akin to something that his dear best enemy, locked in her Vault would have.

He kicked her out for her own good. Her obvious tone shift and body language change had clued him in to the fact that she picked up on it. The girl was very good at making connections, it seemed. Maybe not getting them in a correct or orderly manner. But she was no idiot. Despite what her brain, past educators, and experts had probably told her.

He knew all about various so-called learning disabilities and some honestly just seemed like evolutionary differences to give the species different roles throughout the tribes and flocks.

Once, before Rose. Before he swore to himself that he would run solo forevermore. He held the idea, the hypothesis: to take a random person from a random planet. Mold their life and bend it to his will. Make a perfect companion. One noble enough to save the day, but not stupid and caring enough to get themselves killed in an act of bravery. Like so many if his past ones.

He shuddered, thanking Rose in Pete’s world for saving him from himself…

But this one? He felt oddly returned to this idea. A perfect companion. This time shaped by her own insecurities. Not preconditions he would control. He admitted he was lonely.

Nardole and Missy didn’t really count.

He stopped himself there. Maybe Missy was rubbing off on him. Getting him to pry back into those darker, more primal urges.

He needed a breath of fresh air. A trip off-planet.

Just Missy’s influence, he shook himself as he meandered down to the mess hall to get a bit of scran before a trip to somewhere. Nothing more, nothing less. Relapse in it's most basic indulgences.

He found himself at the Eye of Orion. Just exactly what the Doctor ordered! Peace and solace. Stop what was shaking him up at the source.

Too bad that he was being plagued by thoughts of (y/n).

She was possessing him.

Clever, nervous, just a hint of something else. She came to the meeting with some sparkly gunk crusted to her eye corners and the residuals of make up being slapped on in layers.

The way she quickly diverted the topic when her work was mentioned slightly irked him. She didn’t elaborate, just a missed appointment and a shocked tone.

What did she do?

Another mystery girl to lure him out of his shell. The universe, in all of its infinite wisdom, loved tossing mystery women at him.

They always frustrated him to arousal. A stupid trait he felt he got from his days crushing over Missy when they were young lads. Back when he shielded everyone from the Drums until they drove him to madness and self-corruption.

Corruption…

That stupid past plot of his past self echoed again. It might be fun. She might be fairly easy to tip into it on her own accord.

He decided against it. Ultimately.

Missy’s influence. Damn it!

He leaned back on the patch of grass he was on. Trying to clear his mind. She was just another daft ape. Just a student for him to inspire to help along the way.

But her grins and demeanor wouldn’t leave him.

Her hunched over form, and the clanging of her jewelry and the way she used her hands to speak…

Was doing something to him. Awakening something he tried to kill.

He relaxed for a while more before returning. Nardole, of course, was exasperated that he went away. Especially without telling him beforehand…

He hadn’t felt this frantic since he was locked in the Confession Dial.

Back in his office, he had a queue of students waiting for Office Hours. Mainly droll questions about the mid-term project. (Mandatory by the university.) The other students sat in her seat, where she had spilled crumbs on. He engaged them. And got a kick out of them and their findings and research. There were a good batch of students in his classes this term.

The Doctor found delight in them and the thoughts of (y/n) went to back-burner.

Then Tuesday came. One of the two days the class (y/n) was in was.

He groaned.

Hopefully today whatever was abnormal faded. Maybe she’d not come. Some sort of survival instinct will have kicked in…

Of course. He wasn’t so lucky. He remembered her scribbled maths equations about her monetary investment in university. He doubted that she’d go and waste the nearly eighty pounds a singular class was costing her. It seemed out of character.

He, in bad faith, wished her ill enough to take off.

Too bad the universe rarely responded well to bargaining.

She slunk in in between the masses of people. As if to go incognito, to not draw his attention. She removed her notebook and got a pen out and slouched forward. He scanned the room as he opened up with his exciting build-upon on Thursday’s lecture. A poem from Robert Burns that tangentially related to the themes. She wasn’t making eye contact, instead she was chewing on the chain of one of her many necklaces. This particular one was the chain that held a pendant with a historical symbol. She was scribbling furiously. Her eyes squinted and she seemed to be muttering a tad bit under her breath. He didn’t want to admit how much he wanted to pry in. To hear. To understand. To respond. To feel.

“And fare thee weel, my only luve! And fare thee weel awhile! And I will come again, my luve, Though it were ten thousand mile.” He finished and then went on with a remark.

“Does the universe love us? Does it owe us?And if it does, why?” He opened up to the floor to discussion and debate.

Many responded, except for (y/n), who obviously was holding her tongue and trying to not make eye contact with anyone. Just focused in on writing and listening.

He could carve out a response from her.

“Miss (y/n’s surname)? What do you think, I think Braelynne made a fantastic point. Come, join us.”

(Y/n) spat out the chain and straightened up her posture. She had pen ink on her chin and looked, quite frankly like she’d leak tears.

She sniffled before speaking, a crack in her voice. “I think it’d be narcissistic to assume that the universe owes us anything. But does it love us? Maybe. It loves itself through us. Like, like, like, when we do tasks like help an elderly neighbor carry their groceries in. Or give a few coins to a homeless person. It’s the universe loving itself. Maybe it’s like when you drink something probiotic. To the germs in your gut…aren’t you the entire universe? I don’t know. I do think that thinking you, out of all creation, prioritizing yourself in the center of it….uhhh. Red flag!” She flustered, grabbing her pen and resuming the furious scratching she was making.

That gave the Doctor a world of insight to her brain, inner workings. Maybe she felt like she was owed something but held some remorse over these thoughts. It seemed conflicting in her punctuation and how hard she seemed to force the words out. Wise, beyond wise, but also leaving herself a tad bit shortsighted and a decided lack of grace.

Obviously she didn’t want to speak. Obviously she had plenty to occupy her mind with at that moment.

So he pursued via others, “Is it narcissistic to expect something when, by (y/n)’s standards, we’re bacteria and microbes in a greater gut system?”

Someone replied that it was reductive and put humans on the same levels as non-sentient life. That they had greater purposes. That the microbes’ lives were less vital than a human life. (Y/n) scrunched her nose in disgust at such a statement. Internal dissent.

Ah, he thought, very good. A measure of her morals.

He built on that. He opened up the topic, getting more opinions from the other student. Hoping she’d speak up…

He noticed (y/n) shoving her things into her bag and sniffling again. Maybe he did get what he earlier asked the universe for. Maybe she was sick. Maybe.

Ironic.

She made a beeline for the door, “Sorry. I have…an emergency.” She turned to him at the door. “I’ll get the notes from someone.” She promised. Her chest was beginning to visibly heave.

He nodded and she shot out of the room like a horse out of a gate.

#personal #doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #12th doctor #12th doctor x reader #reader x 12th doctor #you x 12th doctor #12th doctor x you #self insert #teacher student #peter capaldi #slow burn #i am in pain #in good news im getting my meds upped again #in bad news i bruised both my knees real badly #but i can write these super easy and they make my life worth living so yaaayyy #love you all #i wrote this

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lord-squiggletits · 1 year

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I hate the existence of the Functionist Universe but if it has to happen don't make it fun for Megatron. It's not a second chance for him to do things right, it's him living like a fucking ghost feeling like he doesn't belong here. It's Megatron looking at familiar faces who look back at him as if he's a stranger-- because he is. It's Megatron accidentally forgetting himself and referencing something that happened in his universe and having to cover it up: "oh no, I must have been thinking of someone else, haha." It's Megatron knowing so much about Impactor and Orion Pax in a way that's unearned; he knows Impactor and Orion Pax in another universe, these are different people who only share an origin. These are people who have never met him but he knows almost everything about. These are people who only see Megatron's best and the knowledge chokes him when he's alone: "I am not the person you think I am." It's Megatron screaming at Terminus when he finds out what he did, saying "I didn't ask for this. I wanted to help my true home and yet you've locked me here forever to carry out a hollow recreation of a person I used to be but can't. I have done too much to be seen as a savior. This is not my home. These people don't know who I am or what I've done. This is not me. This is not me."

#squiggposting #megatron got off too easy in canon i want him to be fucking tormented #i want him to know that this second chance is underserved #and that in this universe he is a ghost adrift from a different age a different place a different version of everything #i want megatron to know he doesnt belong to know that the FU mechs dont see all of him #i want his mouth to taste like ash as he looks at orion and impactor #and he wonders if he calls them friends because of who THEY are or because of the echoes meg sees in them #if their friendship can truly be real when megatron has had a lifetime to lesrn about them #when FU orion and impactor have never known him. when he never existed to them #is this a second chance or is this a cruel reminder of every bridge that he burned #how much does it ache being the prophet from a universe that never came to pass?

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exopelagic · 2 days

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I need to go to bed I’m just gonna shout a lil

#ice hockey needs to chill the fuck out #I had such a good night tonight!! was ssosososossososososo happy #but afterwards people started shouting in the group chat #and they all have very valid reasons for being angry but my god the us vs them mentality is STRONG #I am concerned abt how much people want to escalate things and how quickly they’re moving to do that #I am aware I am a doormat and a people pleaser or whatever but #I mean for one this is a tense political situation and we don’t wanna burn bridges #(there is no real politics i am being dramatic to be clear)#two clubs. alike in dignity. in fair Verona where we lay our scene #and I am personally managing at least 4 fragile egos that are all highly volatile #as well as an internal divide that’s threatening to cause problems very soon #I also should not be part of this anymore! and yet.#also why are specifically men who play team sports so dramatic when you get them all together #like that’s a whole shitstorm that is so easy to set off #anyway with my club I can’t blame the committee for being dramatic (different way to what I just said they’re not the same people)#bc I sure as fuck was overdramatic which fed into other people ramping up BUT that normally snapped me the fuck out of it #so I tempered the worst of it yknow. but I don’t think this new committee has that #/is not willing to listen to the person who would play that role #anyway if people don’t play nice it’s going to start some actual shit which will be deeply unpleasant for everyone #particularly the people who are in both clubs and do not deserve this bc they’ll be getting it from both sides and theyve done nothing wrong #anyway! bedtime now <3 I’m just frustrated bc the person who maybe would’ve calmed everyone down is out of commission #and I should not and am not willing to have the power to tell people to stop even though I probably still could #it’s whatever. sleep #luke.txt

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danielnelsen · 9 months

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wooow it's my favourite part of the game

#i am obligated to complain every time i get to this bit #but hey i did in your heart shall burn #i worked out some decent gear for fighting mages #the hardest part of the quest was saving lysette and threnn tbh. they die quickly on nightmare #but omg im respeccing every time the general enemy type changes (and sometimes for specific fights)--#and i had all cold damage and fire resistance stuff for the mages. and then the rift fight here has despair demons fml #ive gone and got back all my generic abilities now. ready for anything!#well..not really. one of the mechanical changes i like the LEAST in this game is that you cant change gear during battle #i know it's because you can make pretty much any gear you want so it'd make things too easy probably?#but it's terrible for playing solo because i can just get stuck with a staff that can only deal 1 damage per hit to a resistant enemy #like i carry staves of all elements but i dont know what i cant use until i cant use it yknow #but anyway. time to get to skyhold and then probably go to bed #personal #da #dai #i'll be real: i didnt expect this run to get very far. so. yay!#but now im 25 hours in so if it gets to a point where i cant progress im gonna be VERY disappointed #but i can see myself finishing it. it's not guaranteed by any means but it seems doable rn

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sanstropfremir · 1 year

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(About the Alice in borderland) So I'm not the only one who thought so! I had read the manga before the season 2 came out and when I saw this arc, I wondered how they would cover the guy up. Everytime I thought that surely, they won't really put him naked, that would be too hard to cover... well imagine my surprise when watching the episode. Btw are you enjoying the new season so far?

uh spoilers i guess since its only been out for like a day but i'm already finished?

i don't like it as much as the first season, tbh. i kinda zoned out in the middle and don't remember what happened, which makes me think there was something up with the pacing. but also maybe i don't think you're supposed to watch an entire season of television in one sitting and while you're making jam, so maybe it was a me issue. what i liked about the first season is that they were able to disguise the fact that it is based on a manga relatively well when adapting the visual design. there are some visual design conventions that are common in manga character design that when adapted to live action just do not make sense logistically, and so it can be really obvious when you're watching something that has been adapted. i don't usually have a problem with that kind of thing, bc it usually happens in places where you would expect there to be whack ass clothing, so the fact that it looks weird isn't going to break immersion (ie like the fma adaptions etc). but i found the second season had way more trouble due to just the absurdity of some of the characters, especially with the return niragi. normally i don't really give a shit about weird costuming, but his post burns look is just. well. i thought he looked like someone airdropped in an anime character in the first season and i think it even more for this season. idk, i don't really think that it's a problem per se, it just took me out of it enough to remind me that it's an adaptation of a different media form and i think i would have preferred them to have been more uniform in adapting the character designs across the board at the expense of one being less 'canon' accurate, as opposed to having one that stands out very strongly despite looking 'accurate'.

#excessive bandages will literally give everything away like do you know how annoying those are in real life #its really easy to make your designs look uniform when you are drawing everything #but its much harder to do so for real life when youre bound by physics and people's perceptions of like. how clothes work #idk the whole premise of the show is already crazy so like. is some unrealistically half burned guy really a problem? not really #there's sky death lasers #the other thing is that i watch like ZERO japanese tv so my familiarity with the visual conventions is really low #and most of the stuff i have seen is adaptations in the first place #so this might be a case of 'guy who just watched boss baby: getting a lot of boss baby vibes from this'#alice in borderland #non kpop questions #i did actually really like the ending though. which i did not expect #i was a bit iffy on it for the first 20ish minutes of the episode and then as it went i warmed up #text #answers #also you will LAUGH at how long it took me to realize the main characters are literally named alice and rabbit #my brain was turned OFF lksdfjsldkfjds #actually i zoned out in the beginning as well i tuned out of the king of clubs game bc it was just waaaay too long #i beat several grandmaster games of solitaire during that episode lsldfjsdljf

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