#so fucking valid

[dcconfessions]

the biggest reason i like tim is because i think he’s funny

.

#dc confessions #asks #anon #u: comics #c: tim drake #so fucking valid

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[shwarmii]

i just heard one of my favorite youtubers say this meme out loud in a video and the pronounciation FLOORED ME so now i gotta know:

poll is just "which way do you say it"; tags is "which way is right", assuming your answer to "which way is right" is different to "which way do you say it". or i guess tags are also for uhhhhhh if your answer is complicated and if you wanna explain, if you have a diff way of pronouncing (pls tell meeeee), or whatever else you want, im not your parents, idk

#i just.. diDNT THINK THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY TO PRONOUNCE IT??? #but i heard [redacted pronounciation] and i just went ''pÁŔƊÓŃ???'' so i tried to think of all possible ones? #forgive me if theres already been a poll on this; i didnt see it and thus didnt know #edit: fuck!!! i just realizied you could combine the last two like i couldve made ''be o bo'' and ''bo be o'' each an option #if oNE OF THOSE TWO ARE THE MAJORITY (not that i expect many votes at all. but still!!) IMMA BE (1) SHOOK AND (2) McFUCKING BAFFLED #edit: wow. i thought id be lucky to get 20 in a week with my follower count. okay. damn. youre sweet ♡ also ''Boo boo''s you are so valid #im sorry i did not think to add you as an option. you are so right

[teaboot]

My younger brother asked me to cut his hair tomorrow so I asked him what kinda style he wanted and he said "can you cut it like yours?"???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 excuse me I'll need to be emotional now

#He knows I'm not a lady but he's like the only one on that side of my family so it's kind of insanely validating and sweet? #Like oh fuck this kid wants us to match he actually LIKES me maybe I'm doing this 'brothers' thing right #He's the best guys #Love this rat bastard

[bixels]

This Twitter MLP human redesign drama is a mess, leave me the fuck out of it.

#saw people posting my designs to put down other artists' designs saying that i'm the “correct way” of doing things #don't do that #i don't give a SHIT if people are redesigning these HORSES to be fat or “”“ugly”“” people they're all valid #this whole thing is so dumb just say “i don't like the art style” and move on #“hey op i spent 4 hours of time and effort to redraw your shitty redesign and show you how it's really done” you're fucking weird #you know that right? dedicating that much time to cash in on a hate trend when you could be creating something unique and original with lov #your insistence that human redesigns need to be attractive and symmetrical and anything deviating that is woke psy-op brainwashing #is fucking weird. saw an entire tweet reposting my designs listing off how i “got it right.” bullet point: “looks like real people” #the black fat pinkie design with braces that went viral looks more like a real person than any of my designs you asshole #or maybe you spent too much time in high school bullying people who look like that to notice #personal #delete later #do not use my art to belittle artists who've done nothing wrong this legit made me really angry today

[ghastlytofu]

gale, karlach, lae'zel, astarion... everybody in this game is crushing on wyll at least a little bit. the one braincell they all share says he's fine as hell.

#gale: i'm a GREAT dancer and also GREAT at the sex #karlach: wyll's happiness is my happiness. fetching horns #lae'zel: u are a man of great vigor wyll. why aren't we fucking #astarion: you're dashing and sweet and i'd have wanted to marry you as a kid #THEY ARE SO DOWN BAD IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY #and tbh they're so valid for it #wyll ravengard #gale dekarios #lae'zel #astarion ancunin #karlach cliffgate #wyllstarion #wyllach #wyl'zel #wyll x gale

[dear-doves]

Not piss kink as in "I'm going to pee in/on you", but piss kink as in "You're going to sit there and squirm, and beg me to go, and I'm going to say no because I decide when you're allowed to."

Scratches the same itch as edging 😩😩😩😩👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

#Something something HashiTobi but I'm too tired for more exact thoughts #Every time I say I like piss kink people always think I like the former. They are wrong. #It's valid but bores me. I want piss edging and control and squirming #And the character knowing they're gonna fuck up but trying So Hard to behave

[devotedlystrangewizard]

"why cant they just be friends" not in a homophobic way but in an aromantic way

#ramblings #aromantic #down for friends who fuck tho. big fan of that we should do that more often #correction. we should do that. i cant name enough instances of that being a thing without it ending in romance #aroallo #HI AROALLOS WE ARE SO COOL AND AWESOME #but can we please stop making 'aros are valid i prommy' posts. and start making fun posts

[drdemonprince]

people who are obsessed with passing are gonna be the death of our community i swear

#i understand how and why so many succumb to that temptation and of course i get it ive been there but its POISON #listening to a podcast where a trans guy says getting maamed on the phone bc hes nice means he “failed” #is soooo .... ugh #my dude that happens to so many cis gay men are you kidding me #are you really about to study how to be mean on the phone rather than just correct somebody #or just like not define your existence by fleeting interactions w strangers #if you define yourself only by passing at all times youre gonna turn into a sad hudsons guide esque husk of yourself #fuck passing 2024 i am so over it #it truly is a never ending chase for cis validation and its bad for us!!!!!

[fandom-trash-goblin]

IN DEFENSE OF ARYA STARK

Jason Schneiderman, "Little Red Riding Wolf," The Account // Italian Girl with Flowers, Spanish artist Joaquin Sorolla, 1886 // Sansa I, A Game of Thrones, GRR Martin.

lyanna stark || elia martell || sansa stark || arya stark || alicent hightower || jaehaera targaryen || cersei lannister || myrcella baratheon || joanna lannister || aemma arryn || catelyn stark || sansa stark (2) || margaery tyrell || rhaena targaryen, daughter of aenys i || arianne martell || aerea targaryen

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #web weave #webweaving #webweave #game of thrones #webweaves: asoiaf #pro arya stark #arya stark #its been a long while since i read the book and still i saw this painting and thought arya+wildflowers. #edit: okay but sansa baby is so jealous there; which; valid as fuck. i love you sansa <3

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[daydreamerwonderkid]

I didn't survive through the bullshit aphobia discourse of 2016 and 2018 for y'all to try and pull this shit literally 3 days before 2024.

Clown fucking behavior.

#dreamer talks #asexual #aromantic #aspec #arospec #aromantics are valid #get your clown shit out of here #i'm so fucking tired

[profoundmakerdreamerss-blog]

I hate, hate golden trio bashing fics. They have such a ride-and-die friendship like bro they raided a bank together then fled on a dragon they stuck together through so much — while having fights like normal friends do, but the best thing about them? They get back together. No matter what. Thus, coming out of a literal war in one piece, together; if that doesn't tell you how much they love each other then I don't know what to tell you.

#they would die for each other #they are so damn loyal to each other that it's kind of scary #and it is valid imo #like i wouldn't be surprised if they come out of the war being codependent #honestly that would be least of their worries #golden trio #hermione granger #harry potter #ron weasley #harry james potter #i can list all the things they did for each other and i will one #ill make a post on how they fucking complete each other #because they do #one isnt better than each other #they are better #and they are happier together #u dont gotta compare #the golden trio

[lilapetrichorwinteryrogue]

Gorgug was over it

#can't fault him #he's so fucking valid for this #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #brennan lee mulligan #zac oyama #fhjy #gorgug thistlespring

[thermodynamic-comedian]

actually i love it when the characters are all lying. i love it when they all have secrets and none of them trust each other. i love being given clues that solve puzzles i haven't even been presented with yet. i also love it when i get chills watching a scene without even knowing what it means, and when i do know what it means, i get even more chills. i love theorizing and thinking and solving and coming up with possibilities of where a story might be going. i love it and i will do it for free, for fun, for no real reason.

this is a mystery appreciation post!! if you appreciate mysteries and secrets and stories that slowly unravel before you, please interact!!!

#mystery >>>> true crime #mystery >>>> horror #i just really love me some mystery and thought that my love of mystery should be a tumblr post #gonna tag some shows and books that i love #1899 #(i just started watching it today w/ my parent. already filling all of my 'good mystery show' requirements) #only murders in the building #all the wrong questions #a series of unfortunate events #yes. snicketverse is valid mystery fiction. get over it. snicketverse fucks. #the nevers #maaan....i miss the nevers. im so sad that it got cancelled it was some gooood shit. #agatha christie #aka the absolute queen of murder mystery. she IS the genre. #hercule poirot #i grew up on hercule poirot. i still love hercule poirot. #books #literature #mystery #murder mystery #appreciation post #genre fiction #fiction #writing #fritz rambles too much