#so I’m hyperfixated again and I’ve not now peace since | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nagichi-boop · 5 days

Text

A Star That’s Out of Reach (Chapter 9)

[Previous] - [x]

[Masterlist]

It’s been a while since I updated this, huh? I saw the news about Keanu Reeves and it kickstarted another hyperfixation, so I decided now would be a good time to try and get at least a few chapters out. I can’t say my posting for this fic (or any fic) will ever be fully consistent though, sorry. ^^;;

Anyways, hope you enjoy~

— x —

Shadow quietly opened the door to the house, his ears drooped and his face pointed to the ground. Much to his dismay, Rouge was still awake and sat on the couch despite it being late. She immediately turned to look at Shadow, seemingly excited about his return, but her disposition shifted as she read Shadow’s body language.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked worriedly, quickly flying over to him. Shadow remained silent and simply shook his head, feeling too emotional to respond verbally. “I see that you may not be up to talk about it. For now, why don’t you join me on the couch?” Shadow nodded compliantly, still refusing to make eye contact. Shadow laid on his side, resting his head against the armrest. Rouge took her seat next to him, occasionally glancing over at him to make sure he was okay. To her discomfort, he simply stared at the screen, showing no intention of falling asleep or moving. After a couple hours had passed, Rouge paused the tv.

“Shadow honey, I am happy to keep the show on, but maybe you should consider resting your eyes while you watch? You’ll wear yourself out if you don’t.” Shadow let out a small grunt and then closed his eyes compliantly, which brought Rouge a bit of comfort. She resumed the program and after checking on Shadow a few times and finding his eyes still closed, she allowed herself to fall asleep too.

Amy opened her eyes as the sun crept into her room. She rubbed her eyes, still incredibly tired from a restless night's sleep. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t get her mind to calm down enough for her to sleep. Sighing defeatedly, she rose from her bed and drowsily wandered to her calendar. Her eyes widened and she read what she had scheduled for the day.

“Oh, that’s right,” Amy spoke to herself. “Silver and Blaze are coming to visit. Given everything that’s been happening, I sort of forgot.” She then stretched her arms out and exhaled again. “Right, I need to get myself ready.” She dressed herself and then headed outside, joining her friends outside Tails’ workshop where they had agreed to meet. They waved her over, then seemed to become uncomfortable as she approached.

“Woah Ames, are you okay?” Sonic asked worriedly.

“Of course I am! Why?” Amy panicked a little. “Is something wrong with my outfit?”

“No, it’s not that,” Tails interjected. “It’s just…uhm…”

“You look suuuper tired,” Knuckles added tactlessly, warranting an angry stare from both Sonic and Tails. “What? Am I wrong?”

Amy became flustered and shifted nervously in place, trying to decide what to do. “L-let me go back and change and-” Before Amy could even finish her thought, Silver and Blaze arrived in unison.

“Hey guys,” Silver called out, waving enthusiastically. Amy panicked and turned the other way, but then realised Blaze had come from that way.

“Hello everyone,” Blaze greeted politely. She almost immediately noticed that Amy was worried about something, then took note of her tired appearance. She decided, however, not to comment on it for the time being.

“It’s so good to see you both again,” Sonic beamed, high-fiving Silver as he approached. “How have you been?”

“Busy,” Blaze sighed. “I’ve been looking forward to this little vacation.”

“Pretty good on my end,” Silver added. “Though as much as I love the peace, I will admit I’ve been rather restless because of it. I’m happy for the distraction.”

“Is that your way of saying you want me to cause some future-altering disaster for you to help me fix?” Sonic teased, jabbing Silver gently with his elbow.

“I don’t feel like I can answer that without landing myself in hot water,” Silver replied anxiously, taking Sonic a little too seriously. The group laughed cheerily at this exchange, all energised by each others’ company.

“I’m starving,” Sonic then continued. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”

Blaze smirked as she sceptically placed her hands on her hips. “I hope by that you don’t mean chilli dogs.” Sonic looked away and whistled, to which Blaze softly chuckled in amusement.

“Don’t worry,” Tails chimed in. “When Vanilla heard you two were coming, she offered to host breakfast for us. I’m sure Cream will be excited to see you again, Blaze!”

“Well then,” Blaze spoke as she began to lead the group. “Let’s get going!”

The group of them made their way to Vanilla’s house, everyone chattering away except for Amy, who lagged behind the group a little. Blaze looked over her shoulder, observing the vacant expression on her face. Blaze slowed her pace to match Amy’s, now walking alongside her.

“Is everything okay, Amy?” she asked softly. Amy took a moment to respond, then appeared more attentive.

“Oh...y-yeah, I’m okay,” Amy stuttered in reply, her voice lacking conviction. Blaze raised a sceptical eyebrow at her. “I just didn’t sleep very well, that’s all,” she confessed due to nerves.

“Is there a particular reason for that?” Blaze enquired, causing Amy to tense up a little.

“No no, nothing!” Amy insisted, flailing her arms. She noticed Blaze staring at her doubtfully, then sighed defeatedly.

“If you insist,” Blaze conceded. “But I’m here to listen if and when you decide you would like to talk about it.”

Amy smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”

The group eventually made there way to Vanilla’s. Cream excitedly greeted Blaze with a hug, which was hesitantly but warmly reciprocated. They then all made their way into the house and enjoyed eating breakfast together, with Blaze, who was sat next to Amy, occasionally nudging Amy back to consciousness as she drifted in and out of deep thought. After some time, the group left the house, content from their fill of food.

“Man, I could really use a nap right about now,” Sonic spoke as he stretched out.

Blaze’s ear twitched as an idea formed in her mind. “Why don’t we take an hour to rest and then meet up later?” she suggested, which surprised the rest of the group. “No point in us doing anything heavy after such a large meal.” The group looked at one another then nodded in agreement with the plan. Blaze then looked over at Amy, which startled the pink hedgehog. “Amy, perhaps I can come over and help you set up for my stay tonight?” Blaze asked, hoping Amy would pick up on her ulterior motive. Amy stared blankly for a moment, then realised what Blaze meant.

“Oh sure, that’s a good idea!” Amy replied, mustering as much enthusiasm as she could.

“Can I come too?” Silver asked, waving his arm energetically. Blaze glared at him, causing him to flinch a little.

“I don’t mind,” Amy assured, giving Blaze a comforting look. “Did you want to spend your first night with Blaze and I?”

Silver beamed. “Yeah, that would be awesome!”

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Blaze reiterated, unsure of Amy’s thought process.

Amy placed a hand on Blaze’s shoulder. “It’s fine, I honestly don’t mind.”

“I actually have something I need to work on, so I’ll catch up with you all later,” Tails announced before turning and flying away, waving as he left.

“That settles that then,” Sonic sighed contently, then let out a yawn. “Smell ya later.” Sonic then dashed away in an instant.

“I’ll go check on the Master Emerald,” Knuckles stated before he excused himself.

“Well, I guess we should go too, then,” Amy thought aloud. “Did you guys bring any gear with you?” Blaze and Silver looked at one another, then shook their heads.

“I apologise, Amy, but this is actually my first slumber party,” Blaze confessed. “Being a princess doesn’t exactly accommodate this sort of tradition.”

“I’m usually on my own,” Silver followed up, scratching the back of his head nervously. “This is the first time I’ve ever been invited to one.”

“That’s okay,” Amy spoke. “I actually somewhat expected this, so I got some spares for you. Though I will admit, I was expecting Silver to sleep over with Sonic and the others.”

Silver tilted his head. “Is there a reason you don’t want me there?”

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!” Amy panicked. “It’s just…unexpected. I wasn’t sure you’d want to sleep over with a couple of girls.”

Silver’s confused expression grew. “I still don’t get it.”

“Let’s just leave it at that,” Blaze suggested, keen to move along. “Amy, lead the way.”

The three of them made their way to Amy’s house, casually chattering along the way. They quickly arrived, then began to set up for later. Silver moved the furniture with ease using his telekinesis, following Amy’s instruction. Blaze rolled out the sleeping bags next to each other, placing a pillow at the head of each one. Once they’d finished, they all sat on the now moved couch.

“So,” Blaze spoke up. “Care to explain what kept you up last night?”

Amy’s cheek tinted red, then looked at Silver and Blaze, who were sat next to each other. “You promise not to tell anyone about this?”

“Of course not,” Silver immediately promised. “An important component to friendship is trust, right?” Silver’s expression shifted to one of sincerity and keen interest. “I know I may not seem like it, but I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“You have my word that what is spoken of here shall not be uttered again,” Blaze assured. “Please speak your mind with confidence.”

Amy looked away, hesitating anxiously. “I think there’s someone that I like,” she confessed, twirling her fingers around one another.

“Do you mean Sonic?” Silver asked curiously, to which Amy shook her head.

“Well, I mean,” she stammered. “I do like Sonic, but I confessed to him a while ago.” Amy’s ears drooped a little. “He rejected me.” Blaze and Silver began to look concerned.

“I’m so sorry, Amy,” Blaze comforted.

Amy shook her head again and smiled. “It’s fine. I was anticipating it anyway.” She looked up sombrely. “This isn’t about him, anyway.” This peaked both Blaze and Silver’s curiosity.

“Who is it then?” Silver asked with blunt curiosity, though it was without a hint of malice.

“I’m…not comfortable saying,” Amy admitted as her face became redder. “It makes no sense.”

“Come on, we won’t judge!”

“Silver,” Blaze snapped sternly, causing Silver to recoil a little. She then sighed. “The ‘who’ isn’t what’s important.”

“Oh, you’re right,” Silver acknowledged, realising his misstep. “Sorry Amy. Please continue!”

“It’s just,” Amy continued. “He is such a nice guy despite what other people think. I have only ever seen him as a friend up until now.” Amy leaned forward in her seat, resting her chin in her hands. “But as soon as he confessed to me, I felt so overwhelmed. I was so sure I only viewed him platonically, but now…now I’m not so sure.”

“Is there something wrong with liking this person?” Silver asked genuinely.

“Not necessarily,” Amy answered. “I guess it’s just a bit…strange, from an outside perspective at least. I doubt he would be the first person you’d think of when you imagine someone compatible with me.” Blaze had a sudden look of realisation, but quickly stifled it.

“Just because something is unconventional, that doesn’t necessarily make it wrong,” Blaze commented.

“I know. I guess I’m just worried what would happen if people found out about us.”

“But they’re your feelings, right?” Silver noted. “It doesn’t really matter what other people think.”

“It matters to me!” Amy snapped accidentally, quickly covering her mouth in shock. She then looked at the ground, seemingly conflicted. “I get what you’re saying, I’m just worried what it would mean for everyone if we ever dated.” Silver seemed deep in thought, then suddenly lit up.

“Wait, is it-” Silver started, but was interrupted as Blaze made a cutting gesture at her throat. “Uhm, what I mean is, wouldn’t your friends want to support you regardless of who it is? Besides, knowing you, I’m sure there’s a very strong reason who liking this person.”

Amy remained silent for a moment, twirling her thumbs around each other. “I guess they’d be supportive, even if it takes some time. And this person is remarkably sweet, despite their cold exterior. I guess I’m just worried. It all feels so sudden.”

“You don’t have to rush into anything, right?” Blaze pointed out. “Should you both decide to date, there’s no reason that you have to rush the relationship. You can take it at your own pace. You don’t even have to label your relationship as romantic at first if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Amy acknowledged. “I guess I’m also worried that I might hurt him. I know he’s strong, but deep down I know he has a delicate heart.”

“I’m sure he feels the same way,” Blaze spoke softly. “But that’s something that you’ll only find out if you talk to him. The fact he even confessed to you shows how much he cares about you. I doubt he’d want to do anything to hurt you, just as much as you don’t want to hurt him.”

“Everyone hurts their friends at some point, right?” Silver noted. “No one’s perfect.”

Amy chuckled a little. “It’s funny. I remember saying something similar to him once before.” Amy took a deep breath. “I guess I really should talk to him. But not tonight – tonight is about you guys.”

“By all means, don’t hold back on seeing him on our accounts,” Blaze assured. “Equally though, please take your time. I want you to be comfortable in your decision.”

“I’m sure Shadow will understand and accept your choice either way,” Silver added. “I’m sure he just wants to be by your side in whatever capacity he can.”

Amy smiled. “Thank you both. Speaking to you both has been very helpful.” Amy’s eyes widened and she suddenly sprung up, her face burning red. “W-wait, how did you know it was Shadow?”

“Oops,” Silver croaked nervously.

“Apologies, Amy,” Blaze spoke up, raising her hand. “I also deduced who it was.” Amy stood stunned for a moment, then dived onto the couch face first, hiding her face and kicking her legs restlessly as she squealed from embarrassment.

“I-if its any consolation,” Silver nervously stuttered. “I think Shadow is an amazing person, so I don’t blame you for wanting to date him!” Instead of comforting Amy like he’d hope, he only furthered Amy’s embarrassment. Blaze glanced at the clock, hoping to find a way to bail both of her friends out of this uncomfortable situation, when she noticed the time.

“Oh, it appears our time is up,” she announced, causing the both of them to look at the clock as well. She then smiled warmly at the two of them. “Shall we meet up with the others?” Silver hopped out of the seat excitedly.

“I’m ready!”

Blaze stood up, then turned and offered her hand to Amy. The pink hedgehog sighed, then smiled and took her hand and was lifted onto her feet.

“Let’s go and have some fun, shall we?” Blaze suggested, hoping to ease Amy’s stress.

“Okay,” Amy responded. “Let’s do this!”

#shadow #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #shadamy #silver the hedgehog #blaze the cat #tails the fox #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #rouge the bat #sonic fanfic #nagichi writes

14 notes · View notes

tohellandback99 · 11 months

Text

“Ahh Alice. We can’t go back home again. No surprise, really. Only a very few find the way and most of them, don’t recognize when they do. Delusions too, die hard. Only the savage regard the endurance of pain as the measure of worth. Forgetting pain, is convenient. Remembering it, AGONIZING. But recovering the truth is worth the suffering and our Wonderland though damaged, is safe in memory… for now…” - Cheshire (A:MR)

Alice Madness Returns au? No?

I painted this piece because honestly, I just wanted to draw Miss Elliot and Mr. Cocolotl in lavish adorable clothes. They deserve that I think. I didn’t have much planned at all, this is in no context but everything I painted was everything I always wanted to try, in a watercolor painting. I wanted to play around since I hadn’t painted in a while. I’m so glad that I stayed up one night and hyperfixated on my drawing of these two (I wouldn’t have been able to sleep, anyway)

Then I thought, how much these two stories kind of parallel each other. Coincidentally, but interestingly enough. It sounds ridiculous but I stand by this; I think a crossover au between Alice: Madness Returns and Wendell and Wild, or an asylum au that’s done with taste and care, and not stigmatizing would actually be pretty amazing.

The painting also marks a point of major progress from the beginning of my watercolor journey.

When I was first starting to get into watercolor painting and was heavily medicated and couldn’t draw or paint much. Let alone something that is in my head, I painted this:

And it’s cool! I still love it. But at the time I remember being so upset at the fact that I couldn’t articulate what things look like and draw like I was, and now am able to again. Granted I’ve learned a lot as well about how to best use the paint and how to draw. To get more comfortable with it, and try new things to get more desired effects. And as an artist it never gets boring and there’s always something new to discover. A little over two months of time and care little by little, was SO worth it. I’m beyond pleased with my progress and to say: “This is the new favorite of my things!”

Thank you so so much and, before the month ends I’d like to say I wish others who are in the lgbtq+ community a happy, peaceful pride month! Treat yourself, we deserve it. Thank you!

38 notes · View notes

fountainpenguin · 2 years

Text

Hi, another update. Mentioned a while ago that my laptop was no longer functional- I’m still working towards replacing that with something new. Also got a new desktop computer (Replaced a device I’ve had for nearly a decade + transferred lots of files over). Going through lots of changes (Job switch, sibling got married, got a new office, also some other things I don’t want to go into detail about on Tumblr).

No longer have access to my old art program, but I planned ahead for that and bought a new program while it was on sale, so I’ll be experimenting with that in the upcoming weeks. Expect Happy Peppy Gary art. Might be some 130 Prompt spoilers in it but at this point I frankly don’t care, I’ve been actively planning and drafting the 130 since 2016 and I’m anxious to draw for some of the major plot stuff skljdf. My hyperfixation for the last several months has been War & Peace / Great Comet of 1812 and :’) “Pierre & Andrey” is a very good song for a lot of my OCs but also for Gary and the Pixies, I swear...

May also draw some Chloes and Kevins and others. Possibly Dame Sandy, some Longwood, and maybe some Commelina because I read through all the remaining Origin chapter drafts and stuff hit me hard and I cry, idk. I’m wasp dad trash and I’m really excited to share more Origin.

Basically I’m straight-up tired of living in fear of judgment so I hope you’re all ready to remember that this is my house and in this house I post what I want.

Don’t really have the emotional strength to talk to anybody, but I’ve been reviewing my ‘fics. I really want to put the next Reedfilter Rules chapter out- been sitting on that one for a very long time. Writing RR!Anti-Cosmo is extremely difficult but... wow, I often love him more than Riddleverse Classic Anti-Cosmo SKLDFJSKLDJF. In Classic he’s often bound by social status and tradition while RR!Anti-Cosmo straight-up does what he wants and it’s fantastic. I know I’ve been picking at the revisions for his chapter for ages, but he has to be perfect when he goes public because he's very different from Classic!Anti-Cosmo and I want everything to be /chef’s kiss for me.

If you’re new here and/or not up to date with Reedfilter canon, I encourage you to check the Reedfilter Rules tag on my blog and maybe learn some interesting things you didn’t know yet :> RR is an AU of my Classic take on canon, but it remains consistent with show canon and it’s full of dumb cliches and dumb flirting and political idiots and it’s just silly and fun for me.

Should be some Frayed Knots and Origin on the horizon as well, so thank you for your patience. I am extremely anxious to move both stories along and there’s not much left to do before I post, but I’m finicky and want to ensure my buffer is stable before I return to a consistent schedule. Fingers maybe crossed for going back to our one chapter a week schedule, but not promising that yet. We’re entering my favorite part of Origin, but it coincides with the most difficult part of Knots, so it’s a struggle.

Emphasizing again that I basically have not been keeping up with reviews, Tumblr notifs, or FFN / AO3 commentary for a very long time. I thank you for sending them and apologize if you were waiting for a response you didn’t receive. Life is kind of stressful and people always need me for something, so at the end of the day I don’t always want to build up the emotional strength to search my inbox and read comments for my different stories/fandoms that might not always be nice, and even if they are nice then I don’t always have the ability to reply. Sometimes it’s easier to look at nothing and sometimes those avoidance periods need to last a long time. I appreciate any kind words that have been sent my way.

I’ve been extremely busy and still have not watched the FOP live action spin-off thing. I’ve kept my distance from fandom content and successfully avoided spoilers all this time, but I’m planning to watch it very soon now that life is starting to come back under control. I watched the first episode and enjoyed it, but blocking out enough time to binge on free trial isn’t easy and suddenly most of the year goes by... Exhaustion.

Vainly hoped I’d return to Tumblr someday and find that the divider line and/or abilities to create white space dividers with the enter key had returned to the post editor and wow I cannot express enough how disappointed I am that they have done exactly not that.

Sorry for Ask box stuff I haven’t touched in one million years; just didn’t have FOP brainpower for a long time and needed to do other things. There are some heavy topics like war, abuse, politics, discrimination, death, and affairs in my ‘fics and sometimes you need space from that type of content even when you’re the one who put it there.

If anyone knows whether Tumblr still refuses to show posts that contain links, I’d be interested in knowing more about the current situation.

tl;dr - Sorry I can’t engage in long talks; holding conversation via back and forth writing has always been draining on my emotions and frankly everyone should just call me /lh

‘fic updates starting soon? Hoping to get a buffer up, thank you for your patience while the Creature Crossing ARPG has been getting all my love on dA. Anxious to see my fairy kids again, though.

More updates on fanfic schedule to come. Will probably post new FOP chapters on Fridays once it’s mid October. Further details to come.

#The amount of fear in my body when this post went into void for 20 minutes and I had to scramble to confirm it still existed #ridwriting #FAIRIES!#Reedfilter Rules #ridlife #I'm wasp dad trash #The bat with the hat #99% true as far as we remember

4 notes · View notes

somelovefrommetoyou · 1 year

Text

To me,

It’s been a while since I’ve sat to write to you. Today is Wednesday January 25th 2023 and you are 20 years old. You are currently writing this in Clough and listening to Peep. For lack of better timing I guess this is to 25 years old me, hopefully post college and eligible for a horizontal drivers license.

Everything is so new here. On top of that there is so much to do and while I doubt we will objectively change much more in terms what we find interesting but, I hope you are closer to the peace than I am. I know that the peace is an illusion but for now, just space to relax completely and sober. An actual place not a person.

I doubt the back half of nineteen will matter much but, one thing would be clear and that is mental illness/neurodivergence. For someone who decided to hyperfixate on mental illness when they were ten, we really are pushing the diagnosis. (Autism + CPTSD ?) I’m just scared when it comes down to it since to this point enduring hasn’t been worth the time or energy spent. This being said I hope we come to terms with our own privilege as well and learn how to be less pretentious/hoity toity about it.

I mean we did start actually having sex but, it’s not like it wasn’t anything you didn’t already expect. People can be shitty and listen to your own rules but, sometimes it’s hard to live up to yourself. You like what you expected to like and that's all the can really be said. I know it’s possible for you to have a boyfriend but, if we’re still single I hope we can at least experience the intimacy and trust of a functional friends with benefits.

Where are we in terms of drug use? If I’m being honest that’s something I do worry about often I just hope to care about myself to stay on top and cautious in terms of usage and dosage. I hope we have figured out micro dosing for psychedelics or just medicate and stoned. This being said I would also not be surprised if we’re in the middle of understanding and half way to rehab.

I just hope it doesn’t get bad to the point I have to give up that aspect of my life and there’s a large part of me that doesn’t believe I will. As of right now, I still enjoy sobriety the environment is just less than ideal. Looking back at the first semester at Tech, I understand if you look at this year with distain for being unable to preform even given the technical bare minimums others were also offered. Is there an immaturity to it, yes my lack of action although having no real barrier is true but maybe I just wasn’t ready.

I just don’t want to blame them and I know not all my faults are theirs but, I’ll never have a naturally safe and reasonable attachment style because of them. There’s knowing and sometimes that’s enough but, I wish I could without having to know. Without it having to be a problem that needs a constant solution. I wish I had the choice to choose what parts of me I’d have forever. I just don’t know if I can fully let it go because it feels like I’d be loosing so much of me.

Losing myself over and over again gets tiring and sometimes the acceptance of neutrality is so much easier. The loss has becomes more familiar and I’m so tired of dealing with myself. I'm just tired of hearing my own thought process and having to constantly comfort myself feels like I’m talking to a child. There’s a lack of sparkle I guess you could say and while I hope this won’t happen, if we truly given up on the prospect of a romantic partner I hope that dies along with it.

I just hope we use this as a chance to make all the pain worth something and if not I hope you’re at least peacefully content.

from us

#25

0 notes

mezo-shojis-top-surgeon · 2 years

Text

not to get all sentimental or anything but man, liking Mineta isn’t fun sometimes.

I try real hard to hide my ao3 and tumblr from friends and other people i know. I don’t want them to see some of my content for a reason. But now i found it’s super easy to find my account after someone who i know (who i didn’t want to see my content on here) followed me out of nowhere. he doesn’t even watch the show and he might try to find me through a different account but whatever. If he can find my just like that, anyone who knows me can.

Maybe i should’ve been smarter and hidden my account even better. Maybe it’s my fault if people find my content about him on here, but still. I’ve been made fun of for liking him before (by a close friend, too), i see the way people react when bigger creators say they like him. I’m honestly worried a lot because i constantly think i’ll get hate (d3ath thr3ats and su1c1de ba1t isn’t uncommon, i’ve noticed) and i’ll get ridiculed for things that everybody else in any fandom does but now, because it’s about Mineta, it’s weird to people suddenly. I get embarrassed so easily when just making nice, wholesome content about him. Which isn’t weird at all, I’m not doing anything wrong. But i’ve seen the way other people treat this character and treat the fun content others have made and I feel bad, almost, for simply liking a character.

I don’t expect the fandom to ever act any differently towards him, that’s unrealistic. i just wish i wouldn’t feel so ashamed about being hyperfixated on him, i guess?? This rant doesn’t even have a point, i’m just frustrated and i have been for a while. I love making content about the grape boy. I get so happy when other people enjoy reading my fanfics about him. Now, my writing is nowhere near perfect, but as long as it’s enjoyable, that’s good enough for me. I adore drawing him, it’s such fun. But the biggest reason why i keep creating content is because there’s just so little of it. I’ve found alot of good Mineta content, trust me, but after a while it just ends. And it didn’t even take me long to reach the end. There’s just so little good stuff, and even when there IS good content about him (specifically fanfiction), it gets overshadowed by the amount of hate people constantly spread. I legit must have scrolled a whole hour through ao3 in total by now, trying to find any content about him. but it’s all just hate. And since he’s my current hyperfixation, it makes me kinda sad. And i noticed other people felt like this as well, so i started creating myself, hoping others get just a little happier when seeing content about their favourite characters, hoping other people will get inspired to make their own content as well and return the favour. But it’s tiring. i have many projects and i enjoy working on all of them but my motivation is limited. And with every bit of unnecessary negativity i see, i get more discouraged to continue creating.

Now, i don’t think i’ll be quitting any time soon. i love the little dude too much to just let him go like that. I guess i just wanted to rant because i feel like my friends wouldn’t take me seriously (again, because it’s about Mineta). So i’m dropping it here i guess. It’s not that deep, he’s just a fictional character, i know. But i don’t care. I’m tired and gloomy and i don’t want to keep feeling bad for stuff that isn’t worth feeling bad about. I just want to create and enjoy content about my favourite grape in peace. I don’t want to be made fun of again, it sucks. I don’t want to care about what other people think anymore.

That’s it i guess. Like i said, there’s no point to this, there’s no conclusion. i just wanted to rant. I’d apologise for not posting much lately and not finishing a lot of fanfics, but i don’t think i wanna feel guilty for that right now lmao. I think i might take a break even, idk.

Thank you for reading this i guess. And thanks to all my followers. the amount of support and kind words i’ve gotten from you people is just insane, it makes my entire day when i see someone left kudos, comments, reblogged my content or left something in my inbox. you guys are the best, truly, and i hope you’re all doing well <33

here’s a funny picture of him to distract from the massive block of stupid text about my pointless frustrations

#bnha #mha #minoru bnha #bnha minoru #my hero academia #mini rant #ugh idk i might private this post i just had to unleash the frustration lol

36 notes · View notes

dreamteamspace · 3 years

Note

So this stream I got a bit confused with what was going on with the whole spiel with schlatt and dream, and I dont actually think theres a traitor. However if there was one why not niki ya know? I mean, he kept saying how it would be way more unexpected than eret in the independance war, and literally everyone so far has been thought of as a potential traitor to pogtopia,, except well,, why not niki? She also had this letter to her "dear friend" that sounded like a new turn for her character and idk man why not?

Alright I’m a very texting type of person and you’ve got my started on my hyperfixation here we go-

My thoughts on the whole situation and why I think Fundy is the traitor:

I think from Dream’s perspective: Everything makes sense. I’m HIGHLY certain that Schlatt’s deal, which Dream said is “Something Wilbur and Tommy would never give him”, was that L’Manburg will either cease to exist (become part of the Dream SMP, and we know neither Wilbur not Tommy would ever do that), or that Dream would essentially become leader of it.

That’s why, in this flip situation, if he wins, he wins all of it. This also makes sense, as Dream is 100% alright with Wilbur just blowing it up, too: Because essentially he achieves the very same thing: L’Maburg/Manburg is no more.

Dream is absolutely right that he was never on their side or really on anybody’s side. Dream is his own side. It’s his server. He IS the Dream SMP, in that sense, just like Tommy is the spearhead of the rebellion right now.

I’m also fairly certain Dream will pull a lot more people than they think into this, and I think they ALSO know, in a meta-way, that they won’t be fighting only Schlatt and Dream and one traitor. He’s just letting them wallow in their security, although I have to say he LOVES dipping in his dramatic implications about what he’s doing or will do. In this case, he might’ve managed to keep quiet to let them think they’re safe.

So for Dream: Either they win, and L’Manburg is his/no more, or Wilbur sees they start losing, and L’Manburg is also no more. Honestly? He just has to make Wilbur panic hard enough to hit that button... and then he wins. It would be bad if he loses, though, so I do think he’ll pull together for this. He’s very competitive.

(Lot more juicy theory as to who the traitor is under the cut)

I predict that a good portion of BadboyHalo, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Punz, potentially also people like Thunder or Alyssa?, are going to join Dream’s side. Sam seems close to the rebellion, but he’s also friends with George and Sapnap, but I just can’t see those two seriously fighting against Dream. If the stakes really are high, they’ll flip over to him, although I also can’t see them convincing Sam.

Most likely, George and Sapnap are just going to stay out of it entirely, and let Sam fight on the side of the rebellion. Maybe the current pet war might change that, though, say if Sapnap develops a new hatred against Tommy or even Sam? (I dont know what the pet war’s at atm but didn’t Sapnap and Sam fight over pets?), he would join in on Dream’s side. George? I have no idea. Most likely he just won’t be there. He doesn’t want to go against Sam (Who provides him with like. Everything), but he also doesn’t wanna fight Dream. IF he fights, though, I’m tempted to say he’d be on Dream’s side, but I’m honestly not up to date enough on his streams to say for certain.

As for the traitor: I actually haven’t seen Niki’s letter (to my great regret, I saw the news float around though), since I’m very focused on watching Tommy and Wilbur’s POVs. Honestly, if it’s Niki? That would be MASSIVELY surprising, and the biggest brain move I’ve ever seen. It’s possible, but I honestly don’t think it’s likely.

They’ve kept their characters fairly consistent, and while this IS kindof meta to say, I don’t think (with how things are atm), that Niki would betray L’Manburg, UNLESS she’s doing a double-agent thing and plans on tricking Dream in the end. That I could potentially see happening.

But knowing that she changed the anthem from Wilbur’s posessive “My L’Manburg” to just “L’Manburg”, that she’s been loyal even when they kinda half left her alone with Schlatt to tax her, and even during the pet wars she never strikes blood, but rather takes hostages and wants a sincere apology... I don’t see it right now. Then again, I don’t watch Niki’s streams on the SMP, so I could be wrong, as I’m not quite familiar with the intricacies of her character on the SMP besides the surface level.

On on hand... I also doubt whether there is a traitor at all, and Dream is just hoping to drive them apart and make sure they don’t get things done as efficiently as they could, because they’re busy pointing fingers at eachother, suspecting eachother, potentially even throwing somebody out once the tension between them snaps.

He needs to win this fight. If he does, he gets EVERYTHING. What they think of him after that point doesn’t matter, so the lie doesn’t matter. They can laugh at him afterwards, but he’ll still have won. I don’t know how many actually highly important details Dream would drop into conversation like that.

Consider, he does have a traitor. Why would he tell them he has one there? Why tell them that they’ll never guess? It just sows chaos in their group, and that’s what he wants. If he DID have one, he might just not say anything.

On the other hand: He might just be dramatic like that honestly. We all know they’re meta-fighting for the next spot in a sad-ist animatic, so Dream could very well be taking a more active role to insert himself into the story and cause some drama. Even if he DOES have a traitor on the inside, saying it still sows chaos. It’s a little risky, but if it really is something they won’t guess, then the chance that they’ll suspect the wrong person might be high enough, and make it worth it.

If he DOES actually have a traitor, my top sus are honestly Fundy, Tubbo, and maybe Ponk. I’m very sure it’s NOT Wilbur, Tommy, Sam, or Quackity.

Ponk doesn’t seem like the type of person to be reliable enough. He’s just kinda in it for the ride, and he’s too quiet to set a focus on. I don’t think Dream even considered him on the side of the rebellion for certain until today. It is, however, still possible. Tommy seems to trust him, and he’s not in deep enough for them to intently interrogate him on his loyalty, cause they know he’s more laid back when it comes to that. He feels only half in the rp to begin with, just wanting to fuck around with everyone. And then, BOOM, he’s actually been playing a massive role this whole time. It’s a little bit of a safe target, too, albeit a little underwhelming.

Tubbo... listen. We all love Tubbo. Tommy loves Tubbo, and we know Tubbo cares greatly for Tommy. Tubbo also seems(?) to care for L’Manburg. But I just....

It’s Tubbo, man. I have no idea. He seemed SO close to ACTUALLY flipping over to Schlatt before the festival. Everyone keeps pushing him around like this innocent tiny kid when he has the biggest third eye out of everyone and is the only one actually doing any work.

Tubbo has stated before that his official motivation is that he just wants peace for everyone. He just doesn’t want to fight and wants to do fun stuff. So of course he sounds horrified at the prospect of having to hunt down Tommy after Tommy was exiled, but happily went along with the festival. He was excited to do his speech. Schlatt actually placed responsability on them for once. He truly did seem happy about that.

It doesn’t matter as much to Tubbo who’s who. What matters is that the fighting preferrably stops, and they all just have a good time. Dream gave the line “I’m very convincing”, so I think he did actually have to convince the traitor, if there is one, to join his side. It wasn’t automatic.

Technically speaking, if L’Manburg is no more, and they’re all part of the Dream SMP again, doesn’t the fighting stop? If there’s no nation to fight over, then there’s no reason to fight. If L’Manburg is no more, then Schlatt has 0 power, and if Dream takes over, he could’ve promised to un-exile Tommy and Wilbur. And then they’re all part of the Dream SMP! No more fighting! Everyone’s on the same side!

Tubbo seems to care less for nations or sides, and much more for people, and for the people around them to be happy. His switch to enthusiasm at Schlatt’s festival came quickly, because many of the people he cared about still partook in it, and he never did hurt Tommy, because he does care about him.

But Tubbo DID say the line “may the festival begin” after his speech, and they knew what that would start. So why? In a way, I think Tubbo waged his options. Who does he care about more? Tommy, to his knowledge, is on Wilbur’s side. He might’ve decided in a moment of uncertainty that Wilbur and Tommy’s opinions of him are more important to them than the opinions of the other people there. Mostly Tommy, because we know those two would die for eachother. They chose Tommy over everyone else at that festival, potentially even over their own motivations, over their own gut.

Fundy, in fact, has MANY reasons to be the traitor, but isn’t quite obvious in that sense. They thought he was a traitor, actually, but once he showed them his diary, he essentially convinced all of them very certainly that he’s not the traitor, and they believed him. Dream joined the call later, so it’s possible he heard that part or Fundy told him about it (They’ve all been known to listen in on convos sometimes to know whats going in. They have to in order to build a good story line.)

Fundy has all the reasons. Reason number one, to me, is Fundywastaken. It’s canon in the Dream SMP lore, they just surprisingly haven’t done anything with it. During the independance war, that wasn’t a thing yet, and since they ARE a thing in canon now... they’ve never actually fought eachother. In fact, as things are now? We’re EXPECTING to see Dream fight his canon fiancé. Fundy officially joined the fight when Tommy asked him, confirming that they can count on him and that he will fight. We know for certain that Dream will fight.

If Fundy isn’t the traitor and doesn’t become one, then Dream and Fundy are inevitably meeting in battle on the 16th.

Consider his storyline: We’ve all been highly expecting Fundy to either punch Wilbur in the face or at LEAST be dissapointed in him or SOMETHING. He hasn’t, as far as I’m aware. He’s just standing there near him, very very quietly, giving a firm but quiet “yes” when Tommy asked him if they could count on him.

Fundy hasn’t expressed much to Wilbur at all, despite heving been left alone with Schlatt by him, despite how much he deserves to be angry at him for being patronized and not trusted with anything.

And, y’know... He’s officially Dream’s fiancé. The others don’t seem to know yet, and I don’t know how many people do know or not. It’s possible they just don’t know, and of course Dream wouldn’t tell them anything, not even tell anyone, this close before a fight. Dream might not even tell his close allies out of fear that the information could spread or that they could turn on him.

So honestly... Fundy seems the most likely for me to be the traitor, especially because there’s been plenty of foreshadowing for it, there’s a good setup, he has good reasons, and it wouldn’t seem like a cheap plottwist, but rather a gradual change.

Not to mention that meta-wise, Fundy has been actively involved in the rp and been dropping some pretty good lines himself. This isn’t something that Dream would have some non-rping person do.

I’m also kindof sure it’s not Technoblade, because Dream laughed it off and half-indicated that it is (Tommy: “I bet it’s Technoblade” Dream, cracking up: “I didn’t say that, you said that”), because he profits from doing so. He profits from them thinking Technoblade is the traitor. And also I really, really don’t think Techno would team up with Dream in this rp. Then again, Dream recently proclaimed to be on the side of chaos.... so who truly knows? I’ll definitly be surprised if it’s Techno, but I suppose it is a possibility. I just don’t think Techno can be convinced to much of anything, unless of course all it took was saying “Hey it’s Schlatt and Me against like 6 people so if we want an actual fight for once-” “Finally some bloodshed and war. I’m in”. I mean, I doubt it, but I’m leaving the possibility open.

TLDR: Dream wins if he wins the fight OR if Wilbur blows everything up. The traitor is likely either Fundy, Ponk or Tubbo, and I think there will be more people fighting on Dream’s side than just Schlatt and one traitor.

#mcyt #dream smp #mcytblr #dreamwastaken #itsfundy #fundywastaken #fwt #tubbo #nihachu #wilbur soot #dreamteamspace speaks

165 notes · View notes

crushing-on-nico-di-angelo · 3 years

Text

Okay, here's the actual chapter 3

7 Nights in Cabin 13

Nico took a small step backwards. “I’m sorry,” Will hesitated. “I shouldn’t have asked you, I know you probably don’t want to and--”

“Hey, woah, I never said I didn’t want to. I was just shocked. Not everyday I get asked to sleep with someone-- I- I mean… you know what I mean.”

Will giggled. “So does this mean you do want to?”

“...Yeah. I guess it does.”

Read (and maybe give kudos?) on ao3

~~~~

Lying in Nico’s bed, side by side, wasn’t as awkward as Will thought it would be. The comforter was very comforting and warm. The warmth of Nico made his heart beat faster, he hadn’t slept next to anyone since he was about seven years old having a nightmare about goats and crawled into his mami’s bed.

Nico turned to him, so Will made the necessary adjustments.

“I hope you don’t mind that I kept the window open. The light… helps.”

“I’m the son of Apollo, Neeks. I don’t mind at all.” Nico’s face softened. Will stared at his eyes, and he swore there was a universe of activity and stars in a dark brown expanse. He was lost in trying to pinpoint every constellation that he didn’t notice Nico’s hand reaching for his hair until he felt the tentative ruffle.

“Ah, sorry. I can stop if you’d like. Bianca…” Nico cleared his throat. “Bianca used to do this to me when I was having trouble sleeping.”

“Don’t stop,” Will murmured, once again feeling the effects of sleepiness. “Please.”

Nico closed his eyes and continued softly playing with Will’s hair. Will was simultaneously hyper-aware of how nice it felt to have someone play with his hair and extremely at peace, letting sleep overtake him.

A wedding. Drinking gasoline. Pain in his right leg. Silence; eternal, deafening silence.

When Will opened his eyes, he was acutely aware of the hand resting on his head. A bit of drool was pooled underneath his chin, but how could he move when Nico was still asleep holding his head? Nothing to do now but stay still and think.

Alright Solace… I’ve been putting it off too long. How did I get here? …Nathan is how. But I don’t want to think about him. Which is fine, because I haven’t seen him in years, so I can’t exactly pin this on him. How did I get here now? ...I got into my head again is how.

He remembers it, his relapse, but not exactly.

He was showing Clarisse how to complete an advanced archery move. He may not have been the best in comparison to his siblings, but he and Clarisse had been best friends after the Battle of Manhattan. They had gotten clean together. He had to help her with the archery.

But then. The way he positioned Clarisse’s arm. He remembered that was exactly how Fletcher positioned his. He remembered Michael doing the same for other campers. He finished teaching Clarisse the move and left to go to the showers.

He pushed the thought out of his mind-- or, he tried to. He couldn’t think of anything at all, and his breathing was getting so, so heavy. He turned on the water to hide the noises he was making, hyperventilating. They were dead, they were dead, and he knew they were dead. Why couldn’t he get it through that thick skull of his? He knew they were dead he saw it happen, saw the bridge collapse. But it was all he could think of, all just looping through his mind, over and over and over. No release. No end in sight to the looping thoughts. Breathing breathing breathing only not in the way he was supposed to. Suffocating on too much air and not enough oxygen.

And then the dysphoria kicked in.

His chest hurt. His chest hurt so fucking much. In addition to the binding he was doing, he was breathing so, so hard. He wanted to take the binder off, but his clothes were too wet and it was stuck. Thoughts looping, never stopping. Dead, dead, dead. Never going to be a real man. The sound of the explosion being nothing and everything to him all at once. Losing the first person to help him. Wanting so badly to hurt himself but having nothing to do so with. And then remembering what he did in the following months.

He let the water of the shower run over his soaked clothes while he focused on what he did after they died. The Hypnos cabin, they helped him forget it, but in the wake of his panic attack he remembered where he put them.

The last of his stash.

The next thing he knew, he was frantically searching for pennies with a flashlight in a camp that didn’t even use American currency-- his mind finally off his dead siblings-- at midnight outside of the Hades cabin. And thank Zeus for that.

...He was a weak person. As soon as things got tough, he went with the convenient solution. He’d always been a bad friend and a bad son because of it, and he likely always would be. Things got better for a bit, but looking at himself now? How could he ever think of himself as a good person after this, when it’s clear that he’ll always be fucking… weak like this….

This wasn’t something he was going to forgive himself for anytime soon. Not at all. Especially not for concerning Nico like this. He could have handled himself.

Could I have handled myself? he wondered. Nico shifted in his sleep, his arm now draping over Will’s shoulder. Does it even matter right now? It’s too late to change it.

He tried to settle into sleep again, but he found that he couldn’t. He also didn’t want to think anymore about what happened to get him here in the first place, when he could be messing around with his friends and cabin-mates while canoeing. He could be trying for the camp record on the lava wall. He could be doing a million things… but he fucked it up. Gods, he already said he didn’t want to think about it. So why was he?

He sighed softly, not wanting to disturb Nico. He snuggled into Nico’s embrace, not realizing how close they had gotten when they were asleep. His nose was nearly touching Nico’s and he noticed the faint freckles splashed over his nose and under his eyes. They were so light that you had to be inches away to notice them, but Will suspected that he would only notice them from now on. Just like his eyes, Will felt compelled to trace out constellations.

Will had posters and posters back in his home in Austin about stars and space exploration. He memorized constellations and had a hyperfixation on planets from ages seven to eleven. He still had all of that knowledge in his head, and it was remarkable to him how many constellations he found on Nico’s face. He pulled one of his hands from under the covers and started going over them, trying not to touch Nico’s face. He did lightly trace Nico’s nose, and was surprised when Nico didn’t even stir. He started feeling more and more relaxed, tracing what was almost the big dipper; he eventually fell asleep again with his hand cupping Neek’s cheeks.

He dreamt rough dreams, but was fortunate enough to wake up not remembering any of them.

~~~~~~

Will woke up and felt an absence of warmth. He saw Nico leaning against the doorframe, his silhouette framed by the hall light. He stood there, unmoving. Will would have wondered if he had fallen asleep again if not for the fact that he was standing fully upright. Nico knocked gently on the wood of the frame before walking away. Will wondered what that was all about but didn’t want to ask. He stood from the bed and walked to Nico’s bathroom to splash his face. He stood up and was hit with dizziness. There was a clock by Nico’s bed which read ‘8 P.M.’

“Ah,” he murmured himself. “That’s it.”

He fell asleep with Nico at around noon, which meant he hadn’t eaten in nearly 8 hours. He shivered from the cold. He grabbed a jacket hanging from the bed and walked out.

“Hey, Neeks,” Will felt a bit odd. They had been so intimate with each other earlier, he wondered if that would make things awkward between them.

“Hello, William. How’d you sleep?” Nico seemed to not mind, so Will decided to play it cool.

“Alright. I dreamt, so…”

Nico chuckled. “So not the best it could have been. I made us pot pie, it’s in the oven right now.”

“Holy shit, deathboy. You always cook so much?” Nico smiled and shook his head.

“Just felt like it lately, I suppose. It’s almost ready, grab a seat.”

~~~~~

After about an hour of eating and delirious laughter, it suddenly came to light that Nico had never played 20 questions.

“What the hell do you mean you’ve never played?” Will was incredulous. “Didn’t you used to go to boarding school?” Nico was still grinning from the laughter.

“Well, yes but I was around 10 years old! I didn’t play games like that.” Will shook his head in disbelief.

“We’re remedying that today, di Angelo.”

“How do you play?”

“I ask you a question, you answer it, and then you ask me and I answer. The cycle continues until we each ask 20 questions.”

Nico hummed to himself. “Is anything off-limits?”

Will knew what he didn’t want him to ask, but instead said, “On my end? No. Is there anything you don’t want me to ask you?”

“...I suppose not.”

“Alright. Feel free to say ‘skip’ for any question. No big deal, I’ll just ask a new one.”

“Alright. Do you go first or me?”

Will always liked to ask the same question during 20 questions. “If you had the chance to have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”

“Hm…” Nico took a deep breath. “Does my mother count?”

Will’s breath hitched. “She-- she does,” Treat it normal, Solace. “She seems like she’d be a good choice. She died in the 50’s?”

“30’s, actually. Right before I was moved to the Lotus Hotel.”

“...Oh. I’m sorry, Nico.” Nico waved him off.

“It’s fine, I was little. There’s just… so much I wish I knew, you know?”

“For sure…” Gods, this poor kid. “Still, I’m sorry. You were just a kid.”

“Yeah, well. Anyway. My turn, right?”

Will could tell that conversation was over, so he nodded.

“What’s your tattoo?” Nico asked, to which Will smiled.

“It’s… here.” He pulled down his shirt enough for the sun to show. Nico leaned forward to get a closer look.

“It’s really pretty. I saw it on that first night after you showered. Why did you get it?”

“Lee Fletcher.”

“Lee Fletcher? Who’s that?”

And who was Lee Fletcher? Lee Fletcher was the man who meant everything to Will. He had a mom and two sisters, and no father. Lee Fletcher was the first guy in his life to act as a guardian to him. He was four years older and always acted as an older brother even before Will knew that Lee was a guy. Lee taught Will archery and how to talk to girls. Later, Lee would teach him to talk to boys. Lee was powerful and smart. He was so, so brave. He would heal people just by singing to them. He was everything that Will wanted to be.

After he died, Will was inconsolable. Of course, during the war he was fine. He was cool and collected: a healer, the child of Apollo. But after? He started sneaking out more, trying to escape everything and everyone. Started drinking more… that’s when he met Nathan. He knew that wasn’t the question, though. Lee Fletcher, the memory of Lee Fletcher, is what kept him going through the darkest time in his life. He owed the world to him.

“Lee Fletcher… well…”

#i pinkie promise this is the real one #fanfiction #7 nights in cabin 13 #seven nights in cabin thirteen #lee fletcher #will solace #apollo cabin #hades cabin #nico di angelo #solangelo #solangelo fic #multichapter fic #fanfic #fic #ao3 #archive of our own #writing

30 notes · View notes

makkoskafanfic · 3 years

Text

KakuHidan WIP fic teaser

This is part of WIP release March! A KakuHidan one for a change.

This is a Maffia - Modern setting AU but with special powers. I planned to write something like this... oh since I first started to ship KakuHidan some 9 years ago, probably.

The idea came up again as we were rewatching Naruto last year and I got pretty far with it, before we reached the HashiMada arc and of course all the fangirl neurons in my brain got hyperfixated on HashiMada again.

I have almost 10K words written of it, so I hope to continue one day, and not to let it go to waste. This scene is Kakuzu’s and Hidan’s first meeting. As such I would rate it M (or a strong PG13? I don’t really get the ratings) No sexual themes at this point, but there are a bunch of people getting killed, blood, gore, violence and Hidan’s dirty mouth.

Strange to say after this, but I had fun writing this, hope you will enjoy.

Kakuzu secured the Harley and looked at the unassuming building he found at the address he was given. While it wasn’t in the best of neighbourhoods, it certainly wasn’t in the worst Konoha City could offer either. A sign in the window announced it was for sale and the faded advertisement above the door let him know it used to be a barber’s shop. All in all, not where he would imagine some crazed prophet performing his homicidal ritual. Well, his source assured him this was the place - the man knew Kakuzu didn’t take disappointment well, so it was unlikely he’d give him anything but a hundred percent confirmed information.

He walked around the building to a small alley packed with overflowing rubbish bins to find the backdoor. He pushed on it and it gave easily - it wasn’t locked. It opened to a small room that once must have been used by the staff. It was mostly empty now, save for the empty shelves along the walls, a small desk with some old newspapers stacked on it, the large cardboard box underneath it and for the man sitting in an old office chair with one arm broken off. He stood up as Kakuzu entered. He took in his appearance, his leather jacket, his dark jeans, his mid-calf boots, the mask covering the lower half of his face, the biker helmet under his arm and he still somehow came to the wrong conclusion. He was just as tall as Kakuzu and more obviously muscled, which probably gave him a false sense of security.

“Here for a haircut? I’m afraid we’re closed for business.”

“Wouldn’t let you touch my hair,” Kakuzu grumbled. “I’m here for Hidan.”

The man’s eyes cut briefly towards the desk, which told Kakuzu what he needed to know.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“No? I was told I need to come here to praise Lord Jashin and see the wonders he’s capable of.” He was also told some idiotic password that he didn’t bother to remember.

“The show has already started,” the man sneered at him, “no late joiners allowed.”

“That’s a pity,” Kakuzu took the helmet from under his arm, looked at it pensively for a moment, before smiting the man down with it in a lightning fast movement. There was a sickening, wet thump as it crashed the man’s skull. He wiped the blood off, noticing it got dented with annoyance. This mission was already proving to be a headache. At least there was never a complaint from Pein when he added his extra expenses for his damaged accessories.

He pushed the desk and the box out of the way, uncovering a trapdoor on the floor. A narrow staircase led down into darkness.

“A barber shop with a dungeon,” he muttered to himself as he descended. “What a circus.”

The light seeping down through the open trapdoor quickly dimmed completely as he took on the corridor. Always well prepared, he took a small torch from his inner pocket and switched it on. There were a few side doors, but he didn’t bother with them. As he walked down the corridor, the voices coming from behind the door at the end became louder and louder. He pocketed the torch and slid it open.

The people inside didn’t seem to notice his late entry. Kakuzu did a quick count. There were eighteen of them on the floor, plus two on the low stage - a woman tied to a chair, and the man he recognised as Hidan from what Pein had shown him.

First impressions were important and Kakuzu trusted his instincts. Hidan was loud, foul mouthed as he sprouted his religious nonsense and Kakuzu was taken by the deep intuition that he, for his own peace of mind, had to kill this man. He was trouble.

He pushed himself through the small crowd, ignoring the men’s protest that he was blocking the view. Just a few feet away from Hidan he took his time to assess his opponent. He was young, just as Pein’s file said, face smooth, his half-naked body well toned. He seemed physically strong with his lean muscles, but not a match for Kakuzu’s own might of course. He was ranting about his Lord Jashin, something about his eternal gift and punishment of heathens… he was damn noisy. His voice was a deep baritone which could have been pleasant if it was quieter and if he wasn’t working himself towards shrill yelling as he got more and more agitated. The people around Kakuzu didn’t mind though - they were murmuring appreciatively, repeating some of the phrases, like “Hail Lord Jashin”, “Bring death and destruction, oh Lord,” “I swear to murder and destroy in your name”.

Kakuzu knew he was supposed to observe the whole ceremony to see the presumed powers of this preacher for himself, but he wasn’t sure he could stand much more of this. He could just shoot Hidan and see if he died or not. Not quite what Pein wanted, but it would do the job, wouldn’t it?

Hidan's eyes swept the crowd during his speech and Kakuzu made the mistake of meeting them. The dark mass was abruptly cut short. The crowd muttered as their leader fell silent, but Hidan ignored them.

“Looks like we have a heathen, an unbeliever in our midst today!” he glared at Kakuzu, then suddenly laughed, pointing at him. “Kill him my children, let his blood flow freely as it pleases Lord Jashin!”

How the little shit knew instantly, Kakuzu had no time to ponder as the mob closed in on him immediately. Most of them were unarmed, but he spotted a few knives and what looked like a beer bottle broken in half. He kicked the first man who reached him in the stomach so hard he flew away to collide with the edge of the stage. He crumbled to the ground there like a puppet whose strings were cut. That gave him some space to work with.

His opponents were no skilled fighters, so even with their numbers against him, Kakuzu didn’t have a hard time. The magazine of his Sig Sauer held fifteen rounds, almost enough for the whole bunch. Kakuzu never missed a shot - he liked to be effective and he hated anything to go to waste. The rest he took down by bare hands. The men managed to land a few hits, even a couple of stabs, on his arms and chest, which enraged him further. They were ruining a perfectly fine leather jacket.

He took it off and tossed it aside quickly when the last of his attackers fell to the ground with a smashed-in face. Blood was running down his left arm from a long and shallow cut. There were smaller wounds on his chest, though they were easily to ignore.

He looked up at the two people on the stage who didn’t join the fight yet. The woman tied to the chair - unconscious, maybe drugged, so no kind of threat, and the annoying preacher. Hidan didn’t seem to be disturbed by the defeat of his followers. He had a long, sharp pike in his hand - he pointed at Kakuzu with it and he grinned.

“Lord Jashin blessed me with glorious destruction today! All this blood and the corpses! Thank you, Lord Jashin! I’m your forever faithful follower and will sacrifice this son of a bitch to you as well! His blood will seal the sacred…”

“Shut up,” Kakuzu cut into this annoying speech, feeling the beginning of a headache forming behind his brows. “One more word of this nonsense and you’ll end up in so many little pieces even your god wouldn’t be able to tell how you looked originally.”

“How dare you interrupt my prayer, you heathen fucker?!” Hidan shrieked at him. “You’ll die in the most glorious agony!” Like the obviously brainless idiot he was, he charged Kakuzu with a shrill battle-cry of “Lord Jashin”, holding his pike in front of him as if he was some misbegotten knight on a tournament.

Kakuzu waited till the last moment before he stepped to the side, grabbed Hidan’s wrist and yanked it above his head. Despite his cruising grip, the priest didn’t drop his weapon. He went fully berserk, getting caught like this. His shoulder gave a sickening, loud pop as it dislocated, but he didn’t seem to notice the pain. He brought both of his legs up and kicked out, aiming at Kakuzu’s crotch. He managed to turn away slightly, but the impact on his thigh and side was still bruising. He grunted in pain, cursed the little shit under his breath and raised him even higher up from the ground.

Hidan shrieked in indignation and still didn’t let his weapon go. Kakuzu had to give it to him, there was something to be said for his tolerance of pain. He caught the preacher’s free hand as he swung it to claw at his face and took a firm hold on it too. Hidan swore, but was far from giving up.

He bit Kakuzu’s neck in an underhanded move and kicked him in the knees so hard his legs buckled. He allowed them to fall to the ground, pinning Hidan underneath his heavier bulk. He clasped his hands above his head, restraining them and kneeling on his legs to immobilise him fully. The Jashinist screamed vulgarities at him, thrashing wildly as he tried but failed to dislodge Kakuzu.

“Shut. Up” Kakuzu grid out, slightly breathless as he was fighting this utter madman. “You little shit, just stay still for a…”

Hidan spit him in the face, more blood than saliva, barely missing his eye. That did it.

Stitches came loose on the underside of Kakuzu’s wrists, allowing the secret weapon of his body to burst forward.

“What the fuck…” Hidan gasped as the tentacles wrapped themselves around his neck and squeezed. After that only unarticulated, gurgling sounds left his throat.

While Kakuzu found satisfaction in defeating his enemies, he always killed because that was his job or because that was the fastest way to achieve his goals and not because it caused him joy. This time however he found immense pleasure in the sudden silence. It was broken by pathetic, wet, choking sounds only, then not even those as Hidan’s lungs ran out of air. His trashing slowly quieted down, but Kakuzu didn’t let go until the last twitches stopped and Hidan’s eyes - a surprising shade of violet, now that he had the chance to see them from close up - rolled up in their sockets.

He looked quite dead, with the foam in the corner of his open mouth, with his blood everywhere, but Kakuzu checked his pulse before he withdrew his tentacles to be sure. He rolled off from the still body and allowed himself to spread out on his back for a minute. His whole body ached, his clothes were ruined and he was in a foul mood.

“I’ll ask for a pay rise after this,” he muttered to the deadly quiet room. He closed his eyes - only to open them in alarm when he felt movement from next to him. He tried to roll away, but Hidan - magically back from the dead, the pike he never let go throughout his thrashing raised high - was too close. The preacher bore the weapon down, into his heart.

“Take that you rotten bastard,” he cackled and tried to yank the pike free, probably to thrust it through his chest again. Kakuzu grabbed it and didn’t let go. “You can hope they pay well in Hell, but I don’t think Lord Jashin will be kind to a heathen shithead like you! He will torture you for an eternity and reward me, his faithful servant with…”

Kakuzu breathed through the sharp pain, raised his free hand and grabbed his slicked back hair. He sat up and dragged him back, until Hidan didn’t have any other chance but to let his weapon go, if he didn’t want to lose a handful of hair.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch, it hurts you shitty fuck! Let my hair go!”

Kakuzu yanked the metal rod out from his heart, wincing at the pain. He could feel his threads moving under his skin, stitching the gaping would back up. Losing two hearts under a week. Maybe he was getting old.

“You should be busy being dead,” he told the priest. “And as such not concerned about your hair.”

“Fuck you, my hair looks too good to be touched by the likes of you!”

“It’s a horrible dye. This must have been a shithole of a barber shop.”

“As if you are the one to talk! When did you get a cut last time? Never? And what’s with that fucking mask? Is it the flu season or what?”

“Shut up,” Kakuzu said with resignation as he knew now it was in vain.

“You shut up. Why are you not dead, anyway?”

“Because we are both out of luck today.”

He stood up and experimentally let Hidan’s hair go. The priest got to his feet as well, examining him with his head tilted to the side. He then looked around the room, at all the scattered bodies lying around and sighed.

“This was the best mass I ever celebrated,” he said dreamily. “Was I mistaken? Are you sent by Lord Jashin?”

“No,” Kakuzu snorted at this absurdity. “I was sent by the Akatsuki. The Leader heard of your special… ability and wanted me to recruit you to our ranks.”

“What the fuck is the Akatuski?”

Kakuzu looked at him silently, pondering the probability of someone living in Konoha and never hearing about its most powerful criminal organisation. Hidan looked honestly clueless. An immortal idiot. Wonderful.

“A place that would offer someone like you many possibilities. You get jobs done and it will treat you well.”

“I only want to spread the word of Lord Jashin and live to please him.”

“You want people to listen to you? Or you want to kill them? The Akatsuki will help you with both.”

“Are there more people like you?”

“There are some… not ordinary people in the organisation,” Kakuzu said carefully. “Though not quite like me.”

“So only me and you are immortal?” Hidan grinned at him. Kakuzu didn’t contradict him - he wasn’t immortal, just very hard to kill, but he didn’t need to give the advantage of knowing that. It seemed he was being successful in his recruitment. He wasn’t quite convinced it was a good thing. “So what now?”

“I am to present you to our Leader in two days. You’ll come with me, so I can keep an eye on you till then.”

Hidan looked around and shrugged.

“It’s not as if I have any followers alive at the moment. I guess I can go and see that Akatsuki bloke with you. Who are you, by the way?”

“I’m Kakuzu.”

“Kakuzu, ehh? Is that a last name or a first name?”

“It’s a name,” Kakuzu snapped irritably. “You can call me by it.”

“All right then, Ka-ku-zu,” Hidan grinned as he dragged his name out in an inane sing-song. “I’m Hidan.”

“I know,” he sighed with resignation. “Go and grab whatever you need and let’s head out.”

Hidan muttered something about his sacrifice and went to finish the woman off, probably. Kakuzu changed the magazine in his gun and made sure that they left nothing but dead bodies behind. They needed no potential eye witnesses. He didn’t bother with cleaning up though - good luck for anyone who tried to find his fingerprints in any recent databases.

He put on his torn jacket, re-tied his hair in its ponytail and waited impatiently for Hidan. The Jashinist reappeared at last, wearing a hooded coat, but still no shirt and a small backpack.

“I’m ready to embark this new journey Lord Jashin guides me on,” he grinned at him and Kakuzu was quite sure he was just trying to piss him on. He glared at him, but it didn’t intimidate the younger man at all.

“Let’s go then.”

#kakuhidan #kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #fanfic #wip fic release #wip

27 notes · View notes

rayshippouuchiha · 3 years

Note

Hi! I just wanted to ask you as a reader that how do you stop reading or dial-back. Because I fucking can’t.

So basically:

I’ve been reading for a few years and ever since I got hooked I got hooked. To the point that it’s become a serious issue. I don’t do anything except read, everytime I try to do something else I just latch onto reading again. I ignore sleep, school, food, etc for reading and I can’t stop.

I love reading, but I’m starting to get really bad grades and I don’t know how to stop my obsession.

Do you have any tips for how to concentrate on other things for a few hours?

I’m someone who tends to hyper-fixate so this has been and still is an issue for me too.

Now keep in mind that I’m not a professional and this is just my personal experience so what works for me might not work for you. If this is becoming a serious issue to the point that it’s impacting your health and daily life so badly then there’s likely an underlying issue and I highly encourage you to seek help from a professional or to reach out to a family member you can trust if possible.

So, for me, when reading or a hyperfixation gets in the way of something I absolutely have to do I tend to force myself into a rewards based system, which is arguably not always the best or healthiest mindset to encourage but it was one of the few avenues open to me.

Like in school if I knew I had homework or whatever but my current hyperfixation was being an issue I would break things up. I would tell myself “If I do this worksheet I can read for 30 minutes” simple things like that. Or I would tell myself that the faster I got my work done the faster I could go back to my fixation guilt free.

Also self reflection could do you some good. Why is it reading? Is it actually the stories themselves or is it something else? Does reading just give you a sense of peace and relaxation? Do you think you could replicate those feelings elsewhere with maybe music or candles or anything of the like that could be tied into doing other activities?

Again I urge you to look for help closer to home if at all possible. Hyperfixating to that degree can often be a sign of an underlying issue and shouldn’t be ignored or brushed off.

#Anonymous #RayRambles

33 notes · View notes

hopeshoodie · 3 years

Text

I feel so bad letting this sit for so long, but better late than never I suppose! Thank you to literally everyone who tagged me in this. Literally every time I see these posts it makes me grin like an absolute dope at my phone. This is one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in. I know I joke that I’m just sitting in my corner making garbage, so thank yall for making the room my corner is in so lovely.

So here’s a shoutout to the people who made my 2020 better. If I’m following you (from my main @hyperspacial because despite being on tumblr for nearly a decade I still hardly know how to run a sideblog) I 100% like you. I’m sorry if I forget to tag people :( Also this is about to be a long ass post- don’t feel obligated to reply or like or whatever just because you’re tagged :P

@garyandhisnan. I just…. I adore you. Highkey would walk to the ends of the earth if you asked. Your writing, your posts, everything is top notch (and you’re an awesome person to boot which like… shouldn’t be allowed). Thank you for letting me rant about American late-stage capitalism and all the other nonsense I flood your inbox with. If yall aren’t following them, go do it now.

@deuchess

@ariendiel Why you would want to collaborate with me, ME, of all people? Still astounds me. I pinkie promise we’re gonna do it though, and it’s gonna be so good. I’m so excited. But seriously, your fics are some of the only ones that I can keep coming back to. Your writing is *chefs kiss* and your edits/moodboards are literally so pretty. I love your blog and I cherish you, you slut cheat.

@kiki-the-creator same brain saME BRAIN SAME BRAIN how do we have the exact same brain!? Your fics literally are the best thing this fandom has produced- I come up with these half baked concepts, you make them actually good, then I play dollhouse with them over and over again in my head forever :3 That Erikah fic? Literally every Marisol fic you write?? I love them. Also you’re highkey so funny and ugh. Te adoro.

@bubblelaureno you’re literally too good for me. For real. I’m sorry I’m so shitty about keeping up to date with fics and edits, you deserve way more than my shitty memory and my 2 second long attention span. Your blog is literally a beacon of positivity and it’s absurd how much I admire your drive and your analytical way of thinking. This fandom is so lucky to have you.

@codename-mango controversial yet brave opinion- your blog is the best LITG blog on tumblr. Your headcanons, your jokes, your route overviews? All immaculate. Even your reblogs are the best of what everyone else is posting. You’re the only reason I have notes, and I appreciate you sm.

@oneflewoverthecuckoos my comment to mango is controversial only because if not her, then your LITG sideblog for sure. For a ‘Lucas’ blog, the diversity of content and LIs you talk about is refreshing. I fucking love seeing people talk about non-LI characters.

@inthenewblood thank you for letting me bitch about the reddit oml it’s needed. Also having someone to be salty with? A new but not unwelcome experience lmfao

@noahssidechick you are literally so sweet oml I treasure our chats and the pictures of your dogs. You bring such a chill and earnest vibe to the fandom and ugh, I’m so glad to have you.

@fuseboxmusebox I feel like you’re so consistent in the fandom, like you were here when I first joined and you’ll be here after I inevitably lose interest and leave. Your reblogs are top notch, the takes are even topper notch, and it wouldn’t be a ‘litg blogs that made me happy’ list without you.

@crvsh-culture I will never not sing your praises. I love your blog, I love you perspective, I love your vibe. I consider you a friend even though we’ve talked like… once.

@radiantdae your artbreeder edits were the first thing in the fandom that left me genuinely astounded. Like holy shit they were so good. Kassam??? That was a REAL MAN. Obviously the stuff you post now is really good too and your blog is excellent. But tbh when I think of the LITG fandom, the first think I think of is your artbreeder pictures. Also your ‘filipino words that make me think of the islanders’. I still think of that often.

@therealityofthematteris seeing you in my notes makes me smile every time. That’s basically all, just needed to say it lmao. Also if anyone has almost convinced me to start playing TWC, it’s you and Seliné.

@bellarxse my dash would be dry af without you. Same with TWC- I’m so tempted to play because of your posts (I have it downloaded on my phone but like…. I haven’t finished a single route in Arcana and starting a new thing is overwhelming). But also your prompts are one of the few things that makes me want to write lmfao.

@lahelakoh I feel like I’ve said it before but your posts SEND me oml. The tiktok references, the chaotic energy. Both the taste and the flavour is immaculate.

@kiwi-tai we haven’t talked that much but oml I love your content so much 15/10

@confused-inalltheways-human you’re literally so cool and I think about that Harry fic all the time. Am I ever gonna get around to writing it? Probably not. But it was such a good idea. Also thank you for lighting up my notification.

@oceanatydes you come here, you post literally spectacular content, and then you peace out like bruh I wish I had your mind. I adore your edits, but my favorites are your posts/headcanons.

@voile-de-lune your aesthetic is everything I aspire to be and your headcanons/edits are such a refreshing take on characters that we’ve all gotten so stale with. I still live for that Rahim moodboard you made. Also your headcanons are so fantastic.

@lasswithumor this fandom desperately needs more Carl stans, thank you for doing the lords work. Also I highkey stalk your blog on a regular basis jsjsjsjsjsjs every chat we’ve had has been lovely and ugh, you’re just lovely

@bobbysapron your vibes are literally so immaculate. I know it’s been awhile since we chatted but I highkey adore your content and ugh. You’re such a cool person.

@beebips I feel like you’ve vanished off my dash, but you made up for it with that 3rd chapter of The Other Side of Seventh Ave made up for it.

@nerdferatum I don’t think I’ve ever breathed a word in your direction but oml you’re so sweet and supportive and every time your posts cross my dash I *pleading emoji*

@mrsgaryrennell I’m still agog that we’re mutuals because like… You are so talented. It took me waaaayyy too long to get into Blue and Hazel but now that I have… It’s highkey better than the actual season skskskskss

@kingkassam Like the above, you are waaaayyy too cool to be following me sksksksk. I’ve still got a few edits you had ideas for in the pipeline, and highkey the Kassam icons you requested are my favorite edits I’ve ever made. I live for someone else playing Matchmaker.

@hermitclaw hello?????? You’re so funny what the FUCK are you doing following me. Ik you don’t post that much anymore, but every LITG you grace us with is a knockout. It feels unreal when you reblog my stuff. Basically the same to @mchamster. Like you’re both so funny and have been in the fandom for so long that it fully feels like royalty whenever yall interact with me.

@ravenadottir I am fully unworthy to even mention your name but oml. Your guides are the only thing that help me retain information about the season, and your recent outfit edits? Oh my god they’re so good. Hope’s especially, with the brightly colored swimsuit, left me absolutely speechless. You’re just above everything in the fandom and I admire that so much. Plus you really don’t have to flex that hard in your fics, and yet-

@smaiihands saving the best for last because you are one of the single most talented people in this fandom. Your art is the strongest life support for the fandom and like I know we haven’t talked in awhile but you’re also such a dope person. So.

And a big shoutout to all the people I follow who I don’t talk to but have nothing but good vibes. I appreciate yall way more than I can articulate: @richhdesire @needsomesorrel @ficticiouspastry @cranesandshipyards @litg-ish @princesslove19060 @fictitiouspastery @icedcoffee-please @demons-dogs-and-puns @sparklydinosaurr @mountainmanxoxo @diamondsdiary @bucket-bill@another-lottie-simp @bobbys-darling @cyn-onlyyou @mikcove @officialpapa-johns @Amaxn @dxncingthroughlife @myfictionalobsessions @screw-u-vaanu @kittidot @chichiguitarist123 @myfictionalobsessions @Azibear @amelia-w @lilithlibrxa @litghoe @priyas-tiddies @daisybarks @ajs-wife

At this point this post is just a directory of the LITG fandom lmfao but genuinely. Thank every single one of you. 2020 was hard as shit, but I’ve been hyperfixated on LITG for like a year and I treasure your content sm.

#im so so so fucking sorry if i forget someone :(#i 100% did not mean to i hope no ones feelings are hurt #if you've ever interacted with my posts youve definitely made me smile

32 notes · View notes

silver-lily-louise · 4 years

Text

Divergence

Madzie's eyes widen. 'Oh,' she says quietly. 'Oh, so - actually, yeah, I can see that. Alec's autistic.' '...Yes, we think so,' Magnus says slowly, frowning over his coffee cup. 'I thought you did too. Why else would you send me that list?'

And Madzie brings up the list on her phone, points to black-and-white thinking and highlights stimming and clarifies that empathy issues can mean more empathy than is typical, not just less.

And for the second time that month, Magnus thinks, Oh. That actually makes a lot of sense.

[Or: In which Magnus and Alec each come to some very similar realizations.]

Read it on AO3, or below!

~oOo~

If Madzie hadn't taken an interest in psychology, Magnus thinks he might never have figured it out.

She sends him a list, one day, with an attached message that says: Read this and thought it was interesting. Because I may be wrong, but does some of this seem familiar to you? The list is titled Beneath the Mask: Autism Away From the Stereotypes.

Magnus reads through it, sees troubles with empathy and prone to social overload and hyperfixation. And he thinks Oh. That actually makes a lot of sense.

Alec comes home that evening, and after they've said their hellos, Magnus approaches him with a gentle smile. 'Darling, I read something today that I think might be worth looking into. What do you know about autism?'

***

Madzie meets him for coffee a few weeks later.

'Oh, sweetpea - thank you for sending that list, by the way,' he says. 'Alec said to tell you it's been very helpful.' He smiles fondly. Alec's seemed... more at peace, even in the relatively short time since they figured this out. Sometimes he'll stop mid-sentence and interrupt himself, exclaiming, That's why! God, it makes so much more sense now - and Magnus feels his husband's relief at finally having an explanation like a weight's been lifted from his own shoulders, too.

But Madzie's looking at him a little oddly. 'I'm glad Alec said that, but what about you? Did you find it helpful?' 'Of course,' Magnus reassures her. 'Knowing that Alec's autistic makes it much easier for me to support him. I know what to look for now.' Madzie's eyes widen. 'Oh,' she says quietly. 'Oh, so - actually, yeah, I can see that. Alec's autistic.' '...Yes, we think so,' Magnus says slowly, frowning over his coffee cup. 'I thought you did too. Why else would you send me that list?'

And Madzie brings up the list on her phone, points to black-and-white thinking and highlights stimming and clarifies that empathy issues can mean more empathy than is typical, not just less.

And for the second time that month, Magnus thinks, Oh. That actually makes a lot of sense.

***

It's easier, after that.

When Alec feels low and doesn't know why, Magnus helps him trace back through his day, points out factors that might have added up to his bad mood and gives him a name to put to his feelings.

Max comes home and runs up to Magnus with a handprint-based art project to do; and when Magnus sees the tiny bottles of acrylic paint and immediately balks, Alec steps in to help in his place without a second thought, apparently not bothered by the friction of dried paint on skin that makes Magnus cringe just thinking about it.

Magnus keeps an eye out when they're summoned to the uptight social events that go hand-in-hand with politics. He becomes an expert in spotting the moment Alec's eyes start to glaze, in noticing when Alec’s sentences become shorter and more distracted. Magnus takes that as his cue to suggest that they make their excuses and call it a night - usually, to great relief, as the prompting helps Alec to recognize his own incoming overload, too.

One thing Magnus is particularly grateful for is the nights he comes home and launches into a diatribe about a client or associate - one who's been rude or dismissive or underwhelmed with Magnus' (objectively excellent) work - and is met with complete understanding, the compliments and reassurance he feels weak for needing but desperately, desperately can't deny himself.

Because like it or not, he does need them. Because when Alec says they're obviously morons, then, Magnus' heart hears I've got your back. You're the best at what you do becomes You're worthwhile. Whatever happens next, we'll still love you becomes You matter.

And then Alec will walk over and take Magnus in his arms, tight enough that Magnus can just let go and feel himself being soldered back together, utterly safe and calm and happy.

Which is why, perhaps, he's so surprised when one afternoon, Alec asks him a question in a strangely quiet voice.

'Magnus, am I a good person?'

They're lying on the bed, Magnus half-sprawled over his husband as they take a moment to rest after a hectic week, and he lifts his head in surprise. 'What? Alexander, of course you are. What made you think otherwise?' 'I don't know,' Alec says dismissively. 'I just... everyone always says that stuff about kindness, like - show a little empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Oh, she's great, she's such an empathetic person, and I - I can't do that kind of thing,' he says frustratedly. 'And I tried, when I was younger, I tried to make it happen and it just - didn't. I can understand, if someone explains it to me, tells me what happened - but I don't get it.' He runs his free hand - the one not currently held hostage between both of Magnus' - through his hair in agitation. 'I just... don't get it,' he finishes quietly.

And ironically, this is perhaps the one thing Magnus will never get himself. Because some days, it feels like he's so pent up with emotions - the nuances of hurt and joy and disappointment and calm - that he feels like he might burst, exploding out into a firework of his own feelings and others'. It's nearly destroyed him, in the past; heedlessly and constantly taking on the knowledge of other people’s problems in an attempt to help, until suddenly he turned around and realized that he was a husk of his former self, detached from the world and no good to anyone until he took the time to crawl back out of the hole he'd unwittingly dug.

But despite their differences in this regard, he knows his husband, and he knows his answer. 'Of course you're a good person, Alexander,' he says again. 'You don't need emotional empathy for that - honestly, I'm not sure you'd even need cognitive empathy. You're kind, and just, and compassionate. You consider your actions carefully, and then do what you think is right - what you think will best help other people.' He smiles, before resettling on Alec's chest. 'If there exists any meaningful definition of a ‘good person’, that would be my best guess at it.'

Under Magnus' head, Alec's chest rises and falls as he sighs. 'I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you,' he murmurs, his arm coming down to wrap around Magnus' back, his breath gently disturbing Magnus' hair as he presses a kiss to the top of his head.

Magnus hums in contentment, closing his eyes. 'I was just thinking the same thing.'

~oOo~

#malec #malec fanfic #shtv #magnus lightwood bane #alec lightwood-bane #shs #mine #autistic!alec #autistic!magnus

46 notes · View notes

transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Text

tg anime vs manga *sighs*

i have the power of hyperfixation and anime on my side! AAAAAAAA

Ok now that we’ve gotten the sins of re post out of the way we need to discuss this. And I just feel that this needs to be covered because I can’t ever get away from constant discourse on this, mostly fueled by manga readers who feel entitled to always think they’re superior for reading the manga, that the manga is the only real canon, that it’s more complex or better, I’m so fucking tired of it. I am also a manga reader, and I tend to get like that sometimes too with many series (for example no. 6 and the promised neverland.) I get it. It can be really annoying to see something butchered on screen to what the original is, changed or represented differently or given a different message or simplified. But just. Some people like the anime and it’s not a goddamn holy war for y’all to fight. It only makes anime fans not want to read the thing even more yknow cause manga readers are pretentious assholes, and I am aware of this as one of them.

(again ok i’d like to mention i know this fandom is basically dead but a certain p*nterest is always like 4 years behind on fandoms so i keep fucking running into Discourse that’s like, still current, whenever i want old random ass content) (and youtube, why do i look at youtube comments, because I personally enjoy being offended? yeah probably)

And that brings me to the point of this anime vs manga.

This is a lot harder to compare than a lot of other series, because there are just... so many more differences not just in the style and vibe but the story itself.

Disclaimer, I’ve never watched the anime for :re and i don’t intend to, because I honestly have no earthly clue how tf you can get from the highly diverged tokyo ghoul root A to re and make it make sense, and I don’t really want A ruined for me. So you can call me biased towards the manga in the case of re, i guess (which makes my eventual conclusion even more strong I’d say) Honestly I just see them as two completely different stories, the manga’s version connecting with re and A just like... ending there. So how we’re drawing the lines is basically tokyo ghoul A versus the manga and :re. God, I know this isn’t a fair fight because I already hate re so much, but I feel like the manga’s story is much more intertwined with :re than the anime’s is, so that’s what we’re going with.

oh god also another disclaimer this opinion is coming from the biggest fucking kanehide whore, you can disregard anything i say if you ship The Straights and/or do not care for my boi hide

To be honest, if I can take my own conclusions and liberties to the story, I like both versions, each have their pros and cons and kind of a conflicting message. They can’t really coexist. Usually I’d consume all versions and then create one consistent canon in my head for what I accept as the true events (for example my main owari no seraph, first season of the anime is canon but after that we only follow the manga since those can come together and make sense.) but it’s very hard to do that in tokyo ghoul, since I must confess... I really like root A. Like of course, it’s a lot different from the manga, but tbh I think it’s super valid. (unlike most Fans TM like this Fan TM who i’m sending this post to just to spite their singular Youtube Comment Section Discourse, yes I did write this post for you and many others like you) But the ideas that make up root A conflict a lot with the ones of the manga, so I just have to accept that they’re separate things and treat them as such.

Now to break it down so people can understand where I’m coming from I guess? God this is already so long here’s a read more

The Case for The Manga (including :re manga)

More Lore + Plot Shit: One of the main reasons that manga readers are pretentious little bitches is a valid reason, namely that, as is the case with most manga, there’s simply more to it than people can fit into an anime. (Although people need to understand that’s because,,, it’s simply a different medium, so it will have different pluses and minuses, such as for example a soundtrack, color, moving pictures,,, you know, all that. Anime onlys don’t say that the anime is better by stating these things that a manga won’t have... because they’re fucking obvious. So manga readers should stop acting like an anime is inherently sub-par for being less in depth, but we digress.) I can understand that reading the manga is kind of important for wanting to understand the lore (though there are like so many other reasons ppl might want to watch it other than to get the lore) and without the explanation of how all this came to be and how it works, everything tends to be really mysterious, confusing, and seemingly random. It’s really nice to know what’s all going on, of course, and stuff like the washuus, rize’s backstory, the explanation for like, kaneki in general, all that- if you’re looking for like, plot shit, manga is definitely your go to. But like, sometimes, you like, don’t actually care about those things.

Haise: Of course one of the most important things about well, including re is that I fucking love Haise. Like he is my favorite Kaneki. He’s just so wonderful, look at him in he glasses and he floofy hair and he striped pants and he energy boxers and he s p i c e and he MOM. And I really like how they took Kaneki’s character and developed it more with Haise, you can see his turnaround from innocent--> Emo--> Trying To Be Innocent Again But Failing and I think that’s really sweet tbh. I rejected that at first because I didn’t understand it but once I actually read re I thought it made a lot of sense and was a logical thing to do with his character. (though, uh, moving forward, after his hair changes again i disagree with it, haise 1.0 is a good take and i love him and i want the best for him) I could go on I’ve already written a post of what I think is wrong with :re so if you want to hear my take on kaneki’s 37 pokemon evolutions that’s in there

Good New Characters: And of course there are my favorite bitches such as quinx squad, oh my god, there was a terminal lack of dumbass squad vibes in the original and ishida fucking gave it to us, I love them, I love them with all my heart and I think that if I wasn’t attached to them I’d probably just cancel all of :re but like this is just my personal problem. God I love them. Ishida always pulls through with characters I’m now too attached to.

Vore Lmao:Ok like hear me out. I just get a laugh out of it every time the manga has to remind me of this little fucking fact. Like ok I just. Cannot get over it. It’s so serious about it too and like I realize it’s a serious deal but o h m y g o d

Ok and now that we’ve got that little rant over I do want to say that it is like actually really important past the “lmao that’s pretty gay” bit, like??? In some ways it’s more fitting than the anime because well, ishida’s point always seems to be “what would mentally and physically hurt kaneki the most right now” and does it because that’s who this bitch is. But it just?? Kind of makes a bit more sense for the storyline if we’re being picky here, it’s so,,, painfully on point? Like the entire reason he gave in to Being A Ghoul and all was so he could save his friends and shit (i actually do not remember if this was a thing in the manga but like? when he was being tortured and he like imagined hide being really mad at him and getting killed by jason and shit?) LIKE AND THEN HE GOES AND HAS TO BASICALLY BE THE PERPETRATOR OF THAT HIMSELF, FUCK, it’s a lose/lose situation of “don’t do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer” or “do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer but like, later” ishida please

The meaning of Hide being alive: Ok this is just me crying over chapter 75 still but like. Instead of in the anime, where hide’s point seems to be that instead of letting kaneki sacrifice anything more he’d be the one to give his life up and such, and save kaneki, in the anime tbh he just really wanted to be with kaneki right then?? and like ouch but understanding that in the manga he wasn’t just planning on dying and leaving kaneki to deal with it afterward he wanted to go on and continue to try to help the guy no matter the shit he had to go through, no matter if the dude just like forgot that he existed for two years and all- LIKE UH CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HIDE DOESN’T EVEN EXPECT ANY APOLOGY? like kaneki’s like “OH MY GOD I’M SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON” and hide’s like lmao nah it’s cool i’m thriving- that his big motto was “live” rather than “peace out motherfuckers it’s been fun”. Cause. Fucking. Ishida. Can’t kill off characters well but like at least he made keeping this one alive justified.

The D e t a i l s: Ok well I feel like this is something everyone knows but the anime is missing a lot of really,,, crunchy details that the manga throws in there, like, well, kaneki’s fucking,,, bones thing, and other assorted details, g o d like those are missable if you want to never understand half the memes but also like,,, sometimes you just gotta read that shit. It also like, makes more sense when you do but sometimes it’s just stupid things that aren’t important but are fucking hilarious.

The Flavor: In general I’d say the greatest difference between the anime and the manga is the general flavor of the thing, the vibe in the manga is a lot, to be frank, darker and grosser and bloodier than the anime, which is a lot more focused on being pretty and Tragic than “HOLY SHIT WTF” but like. That’s valid. With that comes it being a lot more, real, and although the art may not be as polished as the anime’s, sometimes that’s exactly what you need, and the really gritty sketchy shit that’s in the manga sometimes is exactly what it’s supposed to be for the manga. (in the anime, i’d say that the colored and polished style fits it better, so we’re good there.) It’s a lot more real, in the manga, when the anime hesitates to “go there” a lot (and well, sometimes that’s welcome, but sometimes it’s like y o u g u y s c o m e o n r e a l l y maybe i DID want to see that did you ever think of that)

So like, to sum it up i’d just like to say it’s more detailed, sharper and darker and is simply So Much. There is just More Content

The Case for Root A

ON THE OTHER HAND, (buckle up fuckers)

Depth of Emotion (that Ishida was too much of a pissbaby for): God like you know what I mean if you read the last post, we spent a whole episode on these gay fucks in root A, with backstory and dreams and drawn out suspense and emotion and GUYS LOOK AT THEM NO REALLY OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS whereas hide’s limelight in the manga is a whole... two pages, oh whoopee, and that’s mostly due to the fact of ishida putting himself in a spot of “oh fuck goddamn if i drew that in i’d get flagged for gay porn” but that’s his own fault, so he downplays the whole scene and really keeps it in the dark, whereas in this anime it’s understandably a lot less,,, like that, but how it plays out here is simply... really nice and makes you cry and shit, whereas in the manga I’d go “oh god oh damn oh fuck” *laughs my ass off because i really can’t take this seriously*. You get just... more here.

To elaborate on this, in the anime, as a gay fucking bastard, I can get practically an endless amount of content from episode twelve, and endlessly stew over all Those Things about it, every hard hitting line, the expressions, the music making it even sadder, the ways the VAs say the words, the cinematic beauty of the blood dripping on the floor and like how it’s supposed to make you think it’s kaneki’s, GOD I COULD FUCKING GO ON, but if we want to get that in the manga...

we get three incredibly basic lines, a blackout, and then a “QUICK LET’S MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT HAHA”

So if we want to have more, we need to write it. (sadly) None of it is ever played out canonically so like,,, all we can do is infer and make shit up. It’s like, I am a writer so like that’s my whole job but I really would rather have more content, and have the content that’s there get to be emotional instead of *blank face* “this is plot that is happening, sadly” but like maybe it’s just bc i’m gay

Really Fucking Beautiful (aesthetically as well as story-wise): This kind of just goes hand in hand with the depth of emotion bit, and I think it can’t really compared to the manga here because I’m gay so I see pretty colors and cry so the anime is understandably appealing for me, but I’m also talking emotionally, yeah. There’s a lot of plotlines and implications of the story that are really well played out, I always love to watch the original because it does a very good job handling a lot of the harder topics and stuff that makes the whole thing worthwhile- like the whole point you’re supposed to see that the ghouls and humans are both just as monstrous when you break it down, that there are good and bad people on both sides, everyone just wants to live and feel good in their own life and perspective, everyone has reasons that justify their behaviour in their mind, sometimes you just can’t win no matter what, all that... they’re all really important messages and make the whole story, and they were handled much more delicately and with more expertise in the anime.

It’s hard to pin down, but I feel like the manga was just based more on Fight Scenes Characters OoH Fake Science and kind of just gave kaneki infinite power ups after Trying Harder no offense, obviously those things were there and they were still very good in the manga it’s just sometimes they were cheapened a lot by ishida really not keeping track of what he’s trying to say with his story and sacrificing it a lot for “BUT WHAT IF KANEKI’S HAIR AND IDEALS CHANGED AGAIN” instead of making it a whole cohesive work. (and yes, I am VERY aware of your “well aCtuAlLy the hair represents his sanity” thing i know i know and i’m about to rip it to fucking shreds so)

Understandable Character Development And Staying True To It: Which brings me to this point, character development. This was another thing that was just... handled with more expertise in the anime, whoever was in charge of it. Mostly this has to do with Kaneki, since like, no offense but he’s the only one who ever gets much character development other than like, juuzou (asmr you only get character development if your hair color changes) oh and i guess there’s tsukiyama but he’s someone who shouldn’t have gotten character development. Touka gets character development only before re for some reason, and like tbh that’s kind of it. I do think Juuzou’s character development was valid, because well... it made sense? I complained about it before because I was like “well he just turns into spicy L” but i’ve since changed my opinion, he’s best boy. But Kaneki? They went way overboard with him in the manga, and generally? Calm tf down ishida.

Breaking it down, one of the main things that most of the tried and true manga stans seem to hate about the anime the most is Kaneki going over to Aogiri in root A. Since they’re much more acclimated to the manga, they don’t understand why he would do that (quoting a particular ‘probably made sense in the manga!’ yes i know that whole thing was poking fun at the show and i felt it lmao) and they just pin it to “ahaha he has now become Edgy for the fans ehehe time to make fun of him” and TO BE FAIR YOU’D BE COMPLETELY RIGHT. I love to make fun of Kaneki when he does his edgy bitch thing because that’s what he is. A basic edgy bitch who is just,,, such a main character. But like. He does actually have his reasons despite popular opinion and to be honest I think they’re a bit more valid than in the manga, where he’s just like “well I’ve been tortured, that was not pleasant and i kinda did a bad thing, let’s go back to anteiku but i’m just gonna Try Harder To Fight this time”. I can understand that, but like, it seems like in the manga every Character Development of kaneki is some form of “i will now be stronger” except for the singular “I will now be a different person” which, well, we’ll get to that.

In the anime though, even if it seems like more of a basic edgy bitch move, it’s like?? It makes perfect sense to me, and to be honest more than the manga does? Obviously he doesn’t wanna be best bros with Aogiri, he realizes they’re all bad people who have done really terrible things, but the fact is he now sees himself as the same thing, he now understands their motives because in his mind he is also now Bad TM. His whole character development of being tortured was that peace wasn’t an option no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t live being a pacifist and the world was forcing him to give the “i am the only one that understands! we need to stop fighting!” bullshit up because there was no way to achieve it. He realized if he kept himself the way he was more people he loved would be hurt like they already had because he couldn’t, so he doesn’t just Decide To Become Stronger, he gives up his humanity. And that includes basically letting himself defend his own actions and try to do “the right thing”.

Him then joining aogiri makes sense because well. They’re the people who are the strongest, who have the power, who are the same as he sees himself. He still wants to protect the people he loves, he just also realizes he can’t do it by working with them since he now understands that their more peaceful ways will by definition get them fucking killed. His understanding is flawed, of course. He’s not really right. But this is his understanding and from that it makes perfect sense for him to join up with aogiri and try to still do as much as possible from that standpoint, realizing that most likely the people he’s trying to protect will hate him for it. I think that makes sense to me, what do you not understand about it? (I also understand that may make some people mad because he’d Doing Bad Things but I point to you he’s so soft, remember when he was really nice to naki when he was literally the one who killed the guy naki was crying about? remember when he was doing a raid and he saw that guy hiding and he never mentioned it? remember like the seventy times he Cried TM, yeah he’s problematic obviously but if you want problematic I’ll point you to a certain fucking black reaper. Shironeki has nothing on that asshole.)

I think what Kaneki did in the manga was fine, but in general the anime (again) had more depth of understanding and emotion versus a steady Try Harder Get Stronger shonen deal, which, well, fair, but like, nah. Continuing why I think the anime dealt it better is the ending of A, which was a lot more well rounded then *kaneki gets stabbed and then there’s a lot of random plot shit going on in the background*. Here Kaneki then got to round out the end of his character development by realizing slowly through the second half of this season, him becoming a kakuja and then basically deciding like, not to

((kakuja kaneki was dealt with again different in the anime and manga because he basically stopped trying to use it in the anime bc he realized it was a bad fucking idea but this goes along with the ‘his character development of “i’m gonna do bad things for good reasons” --> “actually no wait that was a bad idea” was actually done in root A instead of being dragged out into :re and it’s appropriate for its own medium and the messages it’s trying to get across so manga loyalists hate it’ but we digress))

So in root A we got to see him actually develop and realize himself through the second half of the season starting with cochlea, his interactions with Amon, and ultimately through Hide, that he’d been doing the wrong thing by becoming more monstrous/fighting harder because what he did was ended up forgetting the most important thing, *smiles in gay* HIDE.(well, his humanity. yeah. i cite the terrible opening for root A with the fun ‘the hands taking off kaneki’s mask are hide’s’ bit.) He then remembered again why he wanted so bad to stop the war between humans and ghouls, he wanted to be able to live in peace and not have to be a monster- something that was not dealt with in the manga (though for understandable reasons of We Need To Fuck With Him In Re More, they then didn’t deliver on creating something like that later so I take this.)

That’s most of the difference between the original manga and anime, but I’d also like to discuss (briefly, I’ve already yelled about them) the ridiculous amount of hurdles ishida went through to fuck with kaneki in the manga, Of course there is the fact that well, the slower transition of his character does make some more sense for the manga because if you take :re into consideration, his eight billion character changes are more tolerable when they haven’t like, already happened before in the manga (just the anime). It makes more sense there for Haise to be tormented by past kaneki telling him He’s Too Weak because in the manga he hasn’t already had that development prior to “dying”, and he lost his memories still believing he had to be strong even if he did bad things, whereas in the anime it doesn’t track because at the end like i just said he kind of gives up his ghoulhood on purpose because he realizes that joining aogiri and fighting and shit was really wrong because, hide. So I can see why those character decisions were not made in the original when planning for :re, but... the fact remains that those previous decisions do not make up for how absolutely weak :re’s game ended up being with kaneki.

So tldr this entire section, All the manga’s defense of how they handled Kaneki’s development is basically void because all those choices were buildup for development in :re which ishida then COMPLETELY fell down on. So the alternative is better.

And now comes my yelling about how exactly Ishida fucked it up: hair colors and kaneki’s 80 kanekis. If black is supposed to represent sane and white is supposed to represent insane or, whatever, i dunno, who tf thought black reaper kaneki was sane? Who tf would think kaneki in the end isn’t? I haven’t looked into this really, and I’d really love it if someone explained it to me the way ishida was going for bc I do not understand it. Like that tracks with Juuzou, and with Kaneki up to Haise Original, but they don’t really make a cohesive sense seeing as after Haise’s hair color changed again that whole deal kind of goes to shit. Not to mention... I just... they completely failed to make those character changes actually part of the story, I’m mostly complaining about black reaper haise, none of him makes any sense. What’s his deal? He wants to protect who he loves? Tracks with the ghouls but fun fact he abandoned his kids? He actually cared for them? What then, he wants to be the strongest as possible? Sure but then?? Why?? I don’t understand his motives at all.

We also didn’t get to see him get his memories back either, which I was actually very much looking forward to, it just,,, like all of a sudden he’s talking with eto about yoshimura and i’m like bruh when tf did that happen? It’s bad, and although chapter 74-76 is super valid, and his change back into white hair kaneki makes sense, I also have the complaint about how haise basically disappeared just like he was worried he would. I think that was bad and I’ve said that already, it doesn’t make sense, he just literally throws those entire two years away to go back to the way he was before he was with the CCG and just forgets everything he’s wanted for the last few years? Fiction logic test fucking failed, and you’ve also broken my heart. Love Haise. You got rid of him. I love kaneki too but like. Why don’t they just. Like. Merge. He is one whole complex person, not one and an imposter, god.

This is a big negative for re and the manga, so automatically a positive for root A where I simply Do Not Have To Deal With That Bullshit and the character development actually makes sense. I can understand the decisions in the original manga could have set up for good development in :re, but they completely failed to deliver.

root a didn’t fast forward to re at the end god damn let us process this shit first before you try to connect it to something else: The thing with this point is that it’s really difficult to separate the original manga from the continuing story in :re because the thing intertwines so much and immediately moves us forward with a ton of plot points for the next part of the story before we’re done with this climax and the end of this story. Sometimes that’s ok and I can see doing that from an author’s perspective because you want people to continue reading your story instead of taking that as the end but it’s really annoying on a reader’s end, because I’m picky and I want to be able to just be able to enjoy my original canon without it like, metaphorically touching :re on a plate. It’s something that I don’t even do with my own longer stories, like for example I have like a trilogy of >100k fics that like, well i’m technically not done with them but like.

People really like the first one because it’s more focused on a more popular ship and basic elements people like about the thing, and then by the second book it moves on to talk more about the plot and lore and brings in more secondary characters. And so I knew that a lot of the readers of the first one wouldn’t want to have to deal with a lot of the “oh well stuff is happening elsewhere that will effect stuff later!!!” random plot shit that none of my readers actually cared about. So I kept it to wrapping up the points of the first book and then leaving the introduction of new characters and plot for the people who actually wanted to read it. Ishida didn’t do that, and of course it’s within his right to like?? Want to promote the next series but I’d have enjoyed it more if we ended it at kaneki’s “death” and wrapping up the deals with the rest of the characters instead of quickly shoving in the beginning of seventy more plotlines before the book ends. Like honey I simply do not have the reading comprehension for that. In the anime we get something that... makes sense.

In the anime, however, it’s quite the opposite, for example the reveals like Eto=owl=takatsuki sen were pushed before that and they saved episode twelve for, well, the end bit. Like what was actually the ending. There were detriments to this I had to say (LIKE GUYS I GET IT HE’S CARRYING HIDE HE’S CARRYING HIM I GET IT YOU’VE BEEN DOING IT FOR HALF THE EPISODE NOW OK I UNDERSTAND CAN WE MOVE ON) But like, I prefer the concept of a simple idea with as much emotion squeezed out of it as possible to a ton of confusing and contradicting ideas that are touched on for a second before moving on. So the *cries for half an hour* ending was much more appealing to me, and I can keep that separate in my head from any of the ideas that :re creates, letting me pretend it doesnt exist and imagine that’s the end and there’s nothing else to worry about. If we want to move forward and hear more, then we can, but it isn’t necessary like it is with the manga.

No Bad Takes that are hard to pry apart from good plot and characters:This is basically the downsides of the new characters, which is well, if I had to make a whole ~keep reading~ post about how problematic everything in re was that does have to count as a downside. I love the new characters, but they also come intertwined with a thousand really bad takes on like, everything, and of course I can ignore it and just act as though they were written in like, to be perfectly honest, a non transphobic way, it’s a real downside when the original anime was pretty pain-free in the way of their takes on their characters. They fucked everyone up in re and I will not elaborate, we’ve talked about this, it’s just the anime, and which i mean season 1 and root A, don’t really have any bad takes I need to try to get rid of, it’s surprisingly something I have little complaint about at all and I ALWAYS have complaints.

Hide!!!!: Obviously, you can tell that a lot of my opinions are going to be hide based because he’s the only thing I ever think about. But we have to take into account just how... hide???? This goes a lot into the depth of emotion bit but it also offers the other side of the argument for Hide’s part in the :re manga, which well. Was mostly chapter 75 if we’re going to be perfectly honest here. He doesn’t get any other limelight. Even in the chapter where Kaneki meets him again he gets a whole what, three pages? In the manga, he has an extremely valid deal about basically, living, keeping going no matter what, and that is a fitting part for the manga, considering the rest of the points there ride more on Keep Fighting instead of Think About Your Emotions And Morals, but honestly chapter 75 was really valid. So why do I still think the anime’s version where he like (ok I don’t know about the re anime we’ve discussed this, i don’t even know how they choose to explain that) he like, dies in kaneki’s arms is better overall? Again, I would have totally accepted that deal if it was made a part of the story because it made me cry, it was super valid, and if they’d continued in that way I would have agreed with it completely over that. But the fact is again that they failed to deliver, and Hide got largely ignored, suffered so much with so little outcome. There was so much buildup and it was incredibly valid, but when the time came for them to meet again and basically show... why it was important that Hide lived in the end?

They didn’t. They straight up didn’t. Kaneki’s like “oh sorry bro... glad you’re alive and all...” *goes off and fights* and like? Honestly? @everlastingspiral is right, if that’s all they’re gonna do with him what’s the point of keeping him alive? I love every single panel of him and I wouldn’t have read re if he didn’t, but hide gets absolutely NO payoff. For letting kaneki literally vore his entire mouth off, leaving him disfigured and unable to talk, then kind of disappearing for two years and doing seemingly nothing but trying to help kaneki even though he’d forgotten the guy existed, risks his life like a thousand fucking times, eventually gets back to him and the dude’s running a fucking anti-human organization, helps him like Not Be A Volitile Pile Of Flesh Anymore and then what should have been a very important moment of them meeting again gets completely overshadowed by touka and random plot shit and more fights and they barely interact, they don’t even hug or anything, they barely talk, and at the end hide is still there but to be honest he’s gotten absolutely no thanks for all he did and ishida acts at the end as though he’s done very well with hide and gives him a tiny bit at the end throwing in a tragic backstory for fun (which hot take he really didn’t fucking need on top of it all) and... there’s no real hint that Kaneki is better off with Hide there, even though there should be. In 75, in his dream, kaneki is sobbing and crying and all like i’m so lonely without you but when they actually meet each other again? “yo” “hey” “uh sorry about,,, the thing,,, you know” “nah man it’s ok” “let me talk about myself for a bit” “yes you always do do you want to hear what I’ve been up to” “not really” “that’s fine i’m only here to support you”

...So you can understand why I’ve gone a bit sour on that. If that’s all you’re going to give him? Hot take? Let him die. Hide deserves better. (and i will deliver that in writing, but for the purposes of canon.)

In the anime, however (not counting re again... although he still gets the short end of the stick just in the original manga too compared to the anime) he’s properly dealt with! he gets his proper limelight and he gets acknowledged for what he’s done thusfar in the story, which is already so much. Kaneki then realizes that, but it’s already too late (or it isn’t, and they like negotiate with the ccg and then they get to live happily ever after) either way he gets appreciated and he gets hurt, but it’s properly acknowledged. And after all that, after saving kaneki and getting him to the cafe and doing it all while bleeding the fuck out, he gets to spend that time with kaneki and die in kaneki’s arms. And frankly? That’s all I think he’s ever needed. It’s really poetic and pretty and brings kaneki’s character around full circle, and even if it’s overly sappy, cliche, drawn out... he gets the attention he’s due and he gets a fucking break. He wanted to show Kaneki he wanted to do something for him and save him instead of the other way around, but then HE GOT ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THAT, instead of just well, tirelessly working towards it forever and having to be content to be a background character with practically no value to Kaneki anymore.

Keeps The Same Vibe: The big thing about this is that with the manga and with re, shit just goes all over the place, and I feel like I’ve amply showed that already through this essay or whatever this is. Again about the consistency and the professionalism, It’s a concise story that makes more sense than the manga while also being simply neater and more deep, making sure all the points, themes and messages work together and make sense to create a cohesive deal even if it’s not as long. (the manga is like ishida had a TON of good ideas for an essay but then fleshed out the thing ten minutes before deadline and managed to completely lose what his original thesis was even if the thing was 10 pages long.) Basically. yeah. That kind of sums it up, my last point concerns the ending.

Not Cheap Ending: If you want to hear my take about how absolutely terrible re’s ending was, check out my The Many Sins Of Tokyo Ghoul :Re post, and we’ve discussed how the original’s manga ending was bad and well not really an ending, it just leaves you unfulfilled and takes you into “well I guess I have to start a whole nother sequel series ig...” but root A like? Actually ends it? If a reader didn’t know that there was any content after that, they could pretty much infer that hide’s death or almost death whatever you inferred out of that ending (again we’re ignoring re) allowed Kaneki to finish his character development and realize they needed to stop the war, which basically tracks with what’s going on in everyone else’s perspective- eto’s problem with the world because of what happened with everything, is basically like, all of aogiri, juuzou and shinohara, amon and akira and kaneki and they can realize all they have to do is just sit down and fucking stop it because none of them want to be fighting, hide is the catalyst for that because the CCG can see how Kaneki cares for him? And it’s so open ended that you could just like literally believe that and there’d be no way for that canon to tell you otherwise, or you could go onto re and whatever if you wanted to. I think that’s the best thing.

In conclusion, both have valid points, and in general I’d say that the manga goes better with :re and the anime is better as a stand alone but if I had to choose overall, this particular anime is better (taking into account only seasons 1 and 2), for mostly the reasons of favoring a simpler story taken with much more care and depth versus a more complex story with many, MANY imperfect elements, and I am aware I will get shot on sight for this opinion. So sue me.

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #kaneki ken #tokyo ghoul :re #essay post #god i've been writing this for so fucking long #but i'm right #y'all fuckers asked for a fight? you're getting a fight #rowan's hyperfixation essays

29 notes · View notes

nsheetee · 4 years

Text

Wifi

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: Roommate AU || Fluff, slightly crack-ish Length: 2k Warning: one mention of an adult theme, implied female reader Summary: You and Renjun have been rooming together for a while, not knowing of your hidden feelings for each other. Surprisingly, it’s the bad wifi connection in your room that brings you together.

〈〈〈━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━〉〉〉

You sigh for what seems like the umpteenth time that evening, your fingers angrily keyboard smashing on your laptop when the wifi bars at the top of the screen show only one small, weak bar barely hanging on.

Ever since you moved in with your new roommate Renjun, you’ve noticed how every once in a while around 11pm, the wifi in your room goes weak. Being a creature of the night that always gets their homework done during this time, it frustrates you that you have to take small breaks every few minutes for your computer to catch up with the internet connection.

Finally fed up with waiting for your computer to load, you pick up your supplies and march over to Renjun’s room, which is the closest room to the apartment’s wifi router. You knock on the door and after hearing an affirmative, you walk into the room. Renjun is buried under a pile of blankets on his bed with his hoodie pulled up to his lips and the hood over his forehead. The only light in the room is coming from his laptop and he hisses when you turn on the room light.

“Good God, turn that off before you blind me. What do you need?” You turn the light back off and instead turn on Renjun’s desk light, setting your stuff down on top of his abandoned homework.

“Can I finish my homework in here?”

“What’s wrong with your room?”

“The internet’s being dodgy again.” You explain and Renjun silently nods, shutting his laptop and putting his airpods into his ears as he looks through his phone. You sit at his “organized mess” of a desk, open your computer, and sigh contently when the wifi works smoothly.

Renjun peers over his phone to look at you. You’re concentrating hard on whatever paper you’re writing; your pajama shirt is so big that it covers your shorts and your hair is only held in it’s messy bun by a couple of pencils. He can’t see your face, but admiration pools in his chest.

He’s been lovesick for you ever since you interviewed to be his roommate. When you introduced yourself and answered all of his questions in your own quirky way, Renjun just about handed over the lease for you to sign then and there and called off all the other interviews he had that day. Since then, his small crush has grown bigger, but seems to be unnoticed by you. Renjun, instead of doing the obvious thing and confessing, decided to help you find out about his feelings “by yourself.”

Renjun found out that he can manually decrease the bandwidth of the apartment’s wifi just by logging into his internet service provider account online. So, he began to weaken the wifi every few nights around 11pm, when he knew you were doing your homework. Like clockwork, he’d hear your groans of frustration for a few moments before your feet pad over to his room and knock on the door, asking to do your homework in his room.

Was Renjun being ridiculous? Maybe… Was he going to stop this game he has you unknowingly playing? Not until you realize he has feelings for you or he gets enough guts to confess. Renjun sighs dejectedly when he thinks about the likeness of either of those events happening anytime soon. He sinks down further into his nest of blankets in an attempt to stop the feelings from taking over his chest, but to no avail.

Renjun has a total, major, embarrassing crush on his roommate.

〈〈〈〉〉〉

You knock on Renjun’s door once again, sighing when he tells you to enter from inside. You walk in with your books and pens in your hands, your computer haphazardly balanced on top of it all.

“What’s wrong?” Renjun asks from his spot on the floor. His project for his biology class is spread out on the floor; some sort of visual presentation that involves a lot of paper cut outs and glue.

“Internet’s bad.” You look over his work, “Are you actually doing your homework? I didn’t know that was possible.” Renjun glaces up from gluing paper to his presentation, a blank stare on his face. He didn’t manually decrease the bandwidth of the wifi tonight. Are the internet gods smiling down on him and bringing you to him through their own will? He hopes so.

“Those are bold words for someone who needs internet and the only place to get it is in my room.” It’s your turn to give Renjun a blank stare as you drop off your supplies on his desk. “Come here.” He commands. You sit down criss-cross applesauce across from him and he hands you a thick permanent marker.

“Write this here.” He points to a small passage in his notebook and a blank space on the presentation board before moving to glue a different piece of paper.

“Why? I’m not going to do your homework for you in return for wifi. I live here, I pay with this wifi.” You point the marker tip at him but he ignores you, too focused on gluing a piece of paper to the cardboard.

“Once again, this is my room.” You sigh at his stubbornness, deciding to help him just this once. You take time to look around; although you’ve been rooming together for a few weeks now, this is the first time you’ve casually been in his room. The wall above his bed particularly catches your eye; his drawings, the quick doodles that he seems to be proud of, are hanging over his bed. Some are of people he’s seen at the coffee shop he usually hangs out in, some are of your house plants that you bought for the window sill in the kitchen.

Your heart softens when you look back at Renjun; he seems to be hyperfixed on gluing a particular piece of paper to the cardboard, his lips open in concentration and his eyebrows slightly furrowed. You feel courage build up in your chest and your gut fill with fearlessness. This is it. You’re going to confess your feelings for your roommate right here and right now.

“Nice drawings.” You mumble out instead, cursing to yourself in your head when the courage fades.

“Really?” Renjun asks, looking over his shoulder to the drawings. “They’re just doodles…” He tries to sound humble, but you can see the tilt of one side of his lips as he tries to hide his smile.

“Yeah, golden hands, they’re good.” You roll your eyes, deciding to feed his ego. It distracts him long enough to allow you to stand up and escape to Renjun’s desk chair. You start your own homework, a yawn leaving your lips. Maybe tonight isn’t the time to confess your crush on your roommate, but you hope he’ll be able to see the little hints you give of your feelings.

Renjun once again can’t help but stare at your back as you work, not minding that you’re not helping him anymore. He hates that your small, seemingly insignificant comment about his artwork makes his heart pound. He wishes the wifi could stop working by itself more often so he could see you naturally, like he did tonight.

〈〈〈〉〉〉

You don’t knock this time as you enter Renjun’s room, throwing up a peace sign as you close the door behind you and walk to his desk.

“Hey,” He raises his voice. “I get you have homework to do and the internet is weird, but at least knock. What if I was… masterbating in here or something.” He mumbles the last part and you snort.

“I still need to use the internet. So if you’re gonna masterbate anytime soon, please go do it somewhere else.”

“This is my room.” Renjun whines, throwing the drawing pad he was using before you barged in next to him and flopping onto his bed.

“Or so you keep saying.” You tease some more, setting down your supplies on his desk.

Renjun hasn’t touched the wifi bandwidth in weeks for fear that his meddling has caused the wifi to actually turn bad in your apartment. His wish came true: the wifi kept breaking and messing up in your room, all by itself. Now, you were constantly in Renjun’s room doing your homework and although Renjun likes you (literally), he doesn’t like how you welcome yourself in.

You surprise him by laying down next to him; you’re both facing the ceiling, hands on your stomachs and sighs escaping your lips every few seconds. Renjun can’t tell what you’re thinking, he’s too afraid to look at your face for the fear of not being able to quit looking. He doesn’t know if you’re as affected as him by your arm meeting his every time you breath, or if you can sense his thoughts racing at 1,000 miles an hour in his head. He tries to breathe evenly when he catches a whiff of your moisturizer, the one he said he liked a few weeks ago and that you’ve been using everyday since.

“Aren’t you here to do your homework? Why are you laying down?”

“No.” You gulp at the words that are about to leave your lips. “I’m here… for you.” You hold your breath after you finish talking.

“What.”

“The wifi has been working fine for weeks. I’ve been coming here to spend time… with you.” You can’t imagine how Renjun was dense enough to believe that the wifi has been poor almost every night for the past 2 months, but you hope it has something to do with him liking spending time with you. You got tired of waiting for Renjun to pick up your hints and stopped waiting for the wifi to cut out in your room to join him in his-- it’s not like he would ever know if the wifi is actually being dodgy on your side of the apartment.

You’re still nervously waiting for Renjun to say something or to tease you and kick you out of his room and tell you to find a different place to stay and then you’re going to be homeless and then you’ll definitely never have good wifi and then…

Renjun sits up and you don’t let your eyes meet, instead pulling your hood over your head and tightening the strings to hide away from your indirect confession. Renjun untightens the strings and pulls the hood off of you; he looks like he’s about to laugh at you and it makes you nervous.

“You’re a fool. I was the one that was cutting out your wifi.” His words make you sit up straight. Your jaw unhinges as embarrassment floods you. You thought you were only going to confess your feelings tonight, not the fact that you’ve been sneakingly lying to Renjun to hang out with him every night.

Renjun starts laughing and in your flustered state, you pick up his forgotten drawing pad and hit him with it. Renjun only laughs harder at your reaction, clutching his shoulder. He’s partially laughing because of the dumb situation you got yourselves in, but also out of joy because you just confessed your feelings to him.

“You! Do you know how angry you made me? I couldn’t get any of my work done for weeks.” You yell. You’re sure the neighbors could probably hear your mixed voices, but you don’t care. “Why did you purposefully cut out the wifi?” You groan.

“Because I knew you would come to my room if I did.” Renjun confesses, leaning back on his bed with his hands. Your heart soars at his words; it’s what you’ve wanted him to say to you for so long. You raise the drawing pad to hit him again but he catches it, fingers covering yours as he stops your second attack. You let him pry the pad out of your hands and he drops it to a different corner of the bed.

“C’mere, dummy.”

“Who are you calling a dummy?”

“You. Now get over here so I can finally kiss you senseless.”

885 notes · View notes