#sirius and remus are fighting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fictive-fodder · 2 years

Note

Congratulations on 100 followers!!! You deserve many many more <3 I was hoping you could write Painting Remus with "3 - things you didn't say at all" I'm in love with how you write him, thank you for being amazing!

I’m celebrating gaining 100 followers! Click here for the details!

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Hi! I’m glad you liked Painting because I’m taking advantage of your request to write….probably the angstiest thing I’ve ever written. I couldn’t fit in the story because the painter wasn’t there for this moment, but readers of Harry Potter were never given an explanation for what made Remus and Sirius stop trusting each other during the first wizarding war, and I’ve decided that the catalyst for their mistrust in one another was the letter Sirius sent to the painter after death eaters destroyed their muggle family. Sorry if you weren’t looking for angst, but here comes a tall order for it.

I feel like most of my fight scenes have been a little underwhelming, so I hope this one… whelms :D

You had been trying to sleep when you heard the sound of someone apparating. Adrenaline filled you as you jumped up, Sirius's letter in one hand, your wand in the other. Your best guess was that it has been four days since you had apparated into James and Lily's home. You were still wearing the same clothes, as you hadn't had anything else.

It was Remus.

You felt yourself go limp with relief at the sight of him. "Remus-" You breathed, taking a step closer. At first, Remus' expression mirrored yours, but as you stepped close he raised his wand towards you.

"What creature unlocked your door at Hogwarts?" He asked, voice low.

"What?" You drew back, eyes wide.

"Answer me!" Remus hissed, tightening his grip on his wand.

"Um- A, a rabbit? A little jack rabbit on the ring?" Your voice shook. It had been 6 months since you had last seen him but what startled you more was having never seen Remus look so intense. You had never before noticed how easily he could fill a room when utilizing his full height, how much space he could control.

Remus lowered his wand with a relieved sigh. He closed the distance between the two of you and pulled you into a tight embrace. Your mind was a mix of relief and despair, so grateful for the comfort while constantly being reminded of what had happened.

"Where are we going?" You asked, looking up at him.

Remus's face softened momentarily. You felt his hand come up to hold your jaw. He looked into your eyes, frowning slightly, before his gaze fell to the letter in your hand. "What is that?"

"Sirius wrote me." You replied, gripping the letter tighter. "To let me know that I should expect someone soon."

"Sirius?" Remus repeated, his voice hardening. He looked as if he was about to ask something more, but thought better of it and turned to the wall behind him. "Alice, Frank!" He called out, tapping his wand on the wall. "We're ready."

At the tap of Remus' wand, an archway appeared, opening the wall up to the living space you had heard around you the last four days. A man and a woman were on the other side, looking at you with a mix of sternness and sympathy.

"C'mon then-" Alice said, gesturing over to her fireplace. Frank was grabbing a bag of floo powder.

Bewildered, you obliged. "Where-?" You asked again, voice shaking.

"Don't worry." Remus assured, "Peter is going to take you in for now. Alice is going to make sure you get there."

You turned back to Remus, eyes stinging. "You're not coming?"

You noticed that while Remus' expression was stoic, his chest was noticeably rising and falling with his breaths. "No." He started. There was a pause, in which Remus glanced at Alice and Frank while he thought of how to explain. It seemed as if it was becoming harder for Remus to look you in the eyes.

"What Remus means is that we're all doing our best to keep sensitive information known to as few as possible." Frank said in a gentle tone from near the fireplace. Alice nodded encouragingly. "For example, we knew we were protecting someone in that secret room, but we don't know how to access it."

"And I do not know where Peter is, but Alice and Frank do." Remus continued, fighting a tone of guilt in his voice.

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could Remus gave Alice and Frank a nod and with a sharp popping sound, had disapperated.

-X-

Remus let out a shaky breath as he apparated back into Sirius’ flat. He had always been good at shaking off unpleasant feelings, discomfort, but watching Alice guide you into that fireplace was too much. The expression you’d had, that sadness- and what was worse, surprise. Remus knew that you had wanted him to take you to Peter’s, he knew you were upset to realize that he was hardly involved in helping you. A shudder fell through Remus’ body as he closed his eyes- all he could see was the look of betrayal, of unfamiliarity that had crept into your eyes. That would be burned into his memory forever.

Remus’ throat felt thick and heavy, as if it was going to fall into his stomach. He could feel a sob fighting its way out of him, but Remus bit his lip, tamping it down. Crying, Remus reasoned, would be too much of a release. Better to keep this feeling, better to be marked by it, remember it and use it so this never could happen again.

The fireplace on the other side of the flat flared to life. Remus turned, watching as Sirius stepped through, his heartbeat quickening at the sight of Sirius’ gaunt, sleepless face.

“How’d it go?” Sirius asked, looking at Remus with wide eyes as he dusted off his robes.

“As well as you could expect… thanks to Alice and Frank.” Remus answered, trying to keep his voice even despite the fact that it felt like his neck had been tied into a knot. Sirius sighed heavily, shaking his head.

“I wish I could have been there.” he lamented.

Remus felt his face twitch, his skin suddenly felt so very, very hot. He took a deep, slow, breath and tried to pass it off as a sigh in unison with Sirius’. So, Sirius wished he could have done more? Remus winced as the image of your hand gripping Sirius’ letter flashed in his mind. “I’d say you’ve already done too much, Padfoot.” he answered, forcing himself to stare at the floor as looking at Sirius just made him angrier. In his periphery, Remus could tell that Sirius had turned to stare at him.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, plainly confused.

Almost too innocent, Remus thought bitterly. Remus glanced at Sirius’ face, at his wide eyes and the pit of his chest turned into a fire. “That letter?”

Sirius shrugged, his brow drawn together in further confusion. “What about it?”

“Because, Sirius-” he barked, only becoming more irritated by the jump Sirius gave at Remus’ biting tone, “Because you know better than that. It’s a very, very dangerous time and you’ve jeopardized Alice and Frank, you jeopardized me by sending that letter.”

“Oh Mooney-” Sirius started sadly, his shoulders slumped as he took a few steps towards Remus. “But you didn’t see, you weren’t there when James and Lily told The Order what happened. You didn’t see the pain on Lily’s face, as she talked about them losing their entire family and crying on her lap. They’ve been alone, Mooney, they might be safe but they’ve been alone. I couldn’t stand it.”

Sirius held Remus’ gaze for a long moment, his face falling as Remus remained stern. It was true, he hadn’t been there, because he’d been asked to go do what he was always asked to do- find a group of werewolves that hadn’t already pledged themselves to Voldemort. Thinking of that just made Remus feel worse. Seeing what people like him were like-

“You…” Remus sighed and pinched his brow. Was it hard for him to reply because he feared it would sound too harsh, or was it because if he said anything more he might not be able to stop himself from shouting? “You could have completely compromised their safety by sending that letter. You can’t do that, Sirius, you can’t put your friends above the order. Nothing can be more salient than the orders we’re given, nothing! Or you won’t have friends to protect.”

Sirius raised his brows, looking at Remus like he was impressed. He tilted his head, mulling over Remus’ words as if chewing them. The hairs on Remus’ arms rose as his shoulders tensed, like he was preparing to withstand a storm- which, with Sirius’ tongue, might not be too far from reality. Remus swallowed dryly as he watched Sirius’ eyes narrow.

“So you’re frustrated with me.” Sirius clarified, taking a step towards him.

“Very.” Remus nodded. Sirius shook his head- there it was, that sharp smile.

“...I’m having a hard time, Rem.” Sirius said, standing before Remus, eyes glinting.

“Oh yea?”

“Yea…. I’m having a hard time believing this has anything to do with protocols.”

“Well it does.” Remus shrugged. He looked down at Sirius and could feel his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth. “So you either don’t care about the Order enough to be true to it, or you’re trying to wriggle out of taking accountability.”

“Right.” Sirius smirked, “Perfect, Mooney- It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you weren’t there? That we weren’t there? That their family is gone because we didn’t think they would be targeted and that is on us? Because they went to Lily and James and not you? Because I found a way to give them some shred of comfort, of love- and when you got there you were all business?”

Remus felt like he might go blind with rage.

“You don't think it wasn’t hard for me? You think I wouldn’t rather have them with me?” he spat.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Of course you would rather, Rem. But that’s the problem- it's always a “would” and never a “will” with you. You get all your life’s meaning putting out the fires James and I start. You’re all too comfortable just sitting back and letting people think you’re the sensible, witty one that will smooth over all of our mistakes, but you’re not. You’re the one that’s never taken the first step to do anything, you’re the one watching life fly fucking by as other’s wait for you to catch on.”

“Oh stop this, Sirius.” Remus’ voice shook. “Don’t try to turn this around and make this about relationships. If you can’t handle not seeing them, not sending them letters, then maybe you should just keep away. Just stay away from them.”

“Why, don’t they already have you for that?” Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking bored.

“I’m not kidding, Sirius.” Remus growled, drawing himself up to his full height. He took a step towards him. “You’re endangering them. I don’t want you around if you can’t fucking control yourself.”

He watched Sirius’ eyes fill with a malice Remus had only ever seen at Sirius’ worst- fights with his family, fights with Death Eaters he’d grown up around. Remus’ eyes widened as he stopped a shudder from running down his spine at the effect Sirius’ glare had.

“Do you love them, Remus?” Sirius asked.

“That’s not what this is about-” Remus stammered, shaking his head.

“Do you?”

“Of course I do-”

“Not like how you love James, you ass.” Sirius seethed, pushing his hand against Remus’ chest. “You know what I am asking. It’s sad, you can’t even answer.”

Remus pushed Sirius away forcefully, a cruel satisfaction rang through him as he watched Sirius stumble backwards. “They know I care about them-”

“Bullocks. How the fuck do you fathom that?” Sirius yelled, leaning towards Remus again. “You either have to tell them or show them- YOU haven’t DONE anything!”

Before Remus could register that he had moved, Remus had the collar of Sirius’ robes balled up in his fist. Remus held Sirius before him, a terrible grimace contorting his face.

“Fine.” Sirius snarled, his face transformed sharply, darkening, willful and wild. “Do you know who you’re reminding me of, Remus?” Sirius started, voice loud. “How little Snivelleus would traipse around Lily. Admit it- you’re jealous seeing me be there for them the way you SHOULD BE, because you CAN’T get over yourself being a danger, being a risk. Well now you have no excuse, they’ve handled worse than a werewolf Remus, and you’re still inept. I’m not your problem mate, you are.”

Sirius noticed Remus' hand had flexed into a fist before Remus did. His eyes widened. “What, you’re going to hit me?” he hissed, a sliver of hurt and vulnerability showing through his eyes. His mouth bent to a pained frown.

Remus let go- forcing his hands to relax and fall to his side. Another long silence followed.

“I always hoped for you, Remus.” Sirius said, voice rough. “I knew that you felt you had to hide, but I believed you’d overcome that for the right person, just like you did with us. Now-” Sirius shook his head with disgust, looking at Remus as if he had transformed into a stranger. “They deserve better than this. Better than you.”

Remus’ eyes stung with hot tears. He held his breath, staring at Sirius’ sharp, unloving face.

“I’m not going to have you blame me because you’re too scared to be honest with yourself.” Sirius breathed, his shoulders shook with anger. “You can go hang around that oily twat Snape if that’s the lack of life you want. Get out.”

“Fine-” Remus growled, and with a flick of his wand he glimpsed the last he’d ever see of Sirius’ flat. While Sirius stood, wide eyed, incredulous, and in pain as the world spun and then spun again.

-X-

#remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #non binary reader #remus lupin #remus lupin fan fic #request #marauders era fan fiction #marauders fic #sirius black #sirius and remus are fighting #the tea is scalding #harry potter #harry potter fan fic #painting #remus lupin imagine #fictive fodder #fictive-fodder

25 notes · View notes