#sick of just posting about my own to be honest. but i have so many

[thermodynamic-comedian]

everybody give me your weirdly specific complex gender identity headcanons for tma/tmagp characters now i want all of them the more specific the better

#sick of just posting about my own to be honest. but i have so many #please get weird with it please <3 #tma #the magnus archives #tmagp #the magnus protocol #tma headcanons #tmagp headcanons

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.

Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.

Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.

When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.

The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.

And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.

If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.

It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.

It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.

And it's suffocating.

Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.

Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.

Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.

And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.

I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)

Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.

You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.

And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.

#chronic health tag #long post #ableism #thanks for coming to this huge rant I'll probably delete later #also sincerely #thank you to everyone who does send nice messages #you are the majority #it's just that the assholes are louder

[ineffable-suffering]

Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why.

Okay. I’m not gonna beat around the bush for too long. It’s time now for me to also throw my try at a personal Good Omens Season 2 Magnum Opus into the mix of already existing magnum op..i? Opusses? (Smited? Smote?)

If I’m honest, it isn’t fully my own magnum opus, as I read this meta not too long ago that made me go: „Oh! My God! That’s it!“ And I’m pretty sure a lot of other people have clocked this too by now. Of course I’m not saying it’s the objective truth but after having mulled it over for many endless nights and days, wading through the onslaught of coffee theories, body swap theories, The Metatron re-writing the Book of Life theories and many, many more, this is the one I think is most plausible and, if you look closely, most obvious.

And it goes as such: Aziraphale lied.

To all of us. All of them. And most of all, to Crowley. He lied to him. Well, he sort of did and also sort of didn’t. He certainly didn’t tell the truth. At least not all of it. I hear you ask: “OP, what the fuck are you talking about”. I answer you: Let’s start from the top and under the cut.

(Small note: this meta ended up being way too large for Tumblr, which is why I will redirect you to an external doc at the end of the post, where I have written it all down nicely and accurately. It's about 35 digital A4-pages long, just in case you want to save it for later.)

(Word count: 12.831 | Approximate reading time: 50 minutes)

Let’s start with a short recap of what happens before the Metatron crashes the bookshop party and everything goes to shit. The proper visuals for this are in my Tumblr post but I am absolutely convinced that right up until when the Metatron comes to take Aziraphale away and talk to him, the angel is fully ready to get into Crowley’s Bentley-chariot and finally ride off into the sunset (or Alpha Centauri-set or whatever). You can see it in his face and body language. You can see when the penny drops for him that a) Crowley loves him b) he loves Crowley and c) they can finally start their happily ever after. Aziraphale realizes this all throughout said Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does. 

I mean, look at that. Look at it. This (very shitty recording, sorry, I'm not tech-savvy enough to avoid the Amazon Prime screen recording blocker) is the very second Aziraphale realizes hat Crowley loves him. When he hears him suggest Alpha bloody Centauri as a getaway for Gabriel and Beelzebub, as Crowley has done to Aziraphale for so, so many times now. He finally understands what Crowley was trying to tell him with that all those times.

Aziraphale realizes this all throughout the Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does.

Right when Crowley suggest Alpha Centauri as a nice getaway spot to the two, Aziraphale looks at him and he gets it. That Crowley has loved him, has been loving him for millennia. Truthfully, they've both known that for a long while now. But there's a difference between knowing, wanting, craving and actually being able to finally have something. And that's exactly what we see on Aziraphale's face here. This is it. This is where it all starts working out for Crowley and him. This is were they can start their eternity together.

So from that second on, Aziraphale only has eyes for Crowley. He keeps physically pawing at Crowley with complete heart eyes, as if to say „Look, look, that’s gonna be us too! Finally!" He’s actually so smitten that he doesn’t even hear what Crowley is saying when he asks Shax if he can have back his apartment now because he’s sick of living in his car. (Also, what way to drop that bomb right in this moment Crowley, lmao). 

Once the Metatron comes in, the first thing Aziraphale says is that they don’t need to talk because „he’s made his position quite clear“. He doesn’t even want to talk to the Metatron, because in his mind, he’s already made the choice. Actually, he made the choice way before the bookshop showdown. For starters, I’m convinced that the Jane Austen Ball actually never was for Maggie and Nina but for Crowley and him (you can read more about that here). And apart from that, for this whole season we have seen Aziraphale trying to advance his relationship with Crowley romantically and domestically and move them to the literal next base (our car!). And after everything he just witnessed with Brielzebub, the final nail in the coffin of ethereal-infernal romance being possible, his choice is absolutely crystal clear: It’s Crowley. It’s always been Crowley and it always will be Crowley. And now it can be Crowley. They can be an us.

The whole of Season 2 is such a massive learning curve for Aziraphale’s character, with him remembering all those important pivotal points of his past,  and this very moment is the peak, with him not only understanding that Crowley loves him (because he certainly knew for quite some centuries now) but accepting that love, letting himself have that love, being allowed to want that love and taking that love and starting their new and final chapter with it. Nevertheless, the plot clock ticks for them. The Metatron saunters into the bookshop, evil and stinky as Metatrons do, and urges Aziraphale to come with him with his whole Take The Coffee schtick, which I will get into later. And Aziraphale, immediately sensing there’s Something Up, does. Can’t really turn down someone as high-ranking as the the voice of God, after all. Even if you were currently already planning how you were going to elope with a certain red-haired serpent of Eden. 

he next time we see Aziraphale on screen, it’s so painfully evident on his face that he is neither happy nor excited. Not even the slightest bit. We’d know if he was, thanks to Mr. Michael master-of-microexpressions Sheen. None of the usual “Aziraphale is happy”-signs are there. No blinding eye-smile, no giddy wriggling, not giggles and gasps. No, when the Metatron tells Aziraphale to „go tell your friend the good news“, his expression looks like this:

I’m gonna go out on an entire limb here and say: That does not look like someone who’s absolutely tickety-boo hyped to tell his demon soulmate that he just got the juiciest promotion and that they can both be angels and live happily ever after in ethereal eternity now.

This, folks, looks like someone who knows exactly that the news he has to break right now, are going to be tickety-shit awful and very upsetting to said demon soulmate. And already, from that very short snippet of conversation, we can tell that Aziraphale isn’t really given a choice by the Metatron. Because while the Metatron does tell him that he doesn’t have to „answer right away“, he immediately follows it up by: „Go ahead and tell your friend the good news!“ Very distinct and definitive choice of words here. It’s “good news” because it’s already been decided. Because it’s already a done deal. There is no “yes, no, maybe”. This is the only choice he’s giving to Aziraphale. Because it’s ‘Coffee or death’. 

And he already gave him the coffee. 

***

Tumblr won't let me continue this over a certain character limit and I am not even remotely done yet – so, I feel like this is a good moment to redirect you to the continuation of this insane meta before we're in too deep. You can do so right here!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions about this once you've fought your way through it. Hope you have a good time with it!

#good omens #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens meta #good omens analysis #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens predictions #i lost my mind writing this #it must be nice to be able to be a casual enjoyer of media #who doesnt spend 5 days writing a 22 page document on an angle and why he lied to his demon boyfriend #my own meta

[kazehita]

hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3

I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.

Big recommendation list below:

Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.

(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)

Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.

Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!

Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.

Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.

And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.

The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.

Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.

Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)

between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.

What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.

Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.

Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...

(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:

How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.

TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.

To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!

until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.

Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...

Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.

Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.

These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]

raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.

To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!

Consider this a good starting point ^^

#asks #del-phi-nium #kaze speaks #isat spoilers #oh boy 12am /joke #uh i hope this is helpful. lemme know if any of these links are broken i didnt check any of them. #i think all these are viewable w/o an account also #if anyone finds this useful do let me know i'd love to hear #isat

[penny00dreadful]

The Parting Glass

Hey I've been through some shit the last few weeks so let's do Christmas the Irish way. By making it ✨miserable✨ and putting Eddie through situations. But with a hopeful ending.

Just as a note of warning, this fic contains death, funerals and Eddie working through his grief. It was originally devised as a part of this fun little challenge and then... welp, I used it to process. 😅

The prompts I got were: Eddie arrives to town recently single to inherit something, Steve lives in the town and is a famous musician (but not here). Eddie falls in love with the holidays, the town and some guy. I'll be honest these prompts got away from me so they're not followed exactly.

AO3

For my granddad.

It was nearly Christmas and Eddie was driving back to Hawkins for the second time in two weeks.

He was alone. 

Again. 

And for good this time.

The last time, when he had come back when Wayne was sick and not getting any better, he wasn’t supposed to be on his own.

In the days leading up to it, Jack had been in his ear the entire time.

“I’ll be there for you.”

“I won’t let you go through this alone.”

“You won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I’ll support you the whole way.”

All over the phone. It couldn’t be helped. Eddie was a writer, he could work from literally anywhere. Or at least anywhere that had an internet connection. Even then, he might not need that. Just a post box. 

Jack was back home in their apartment that Eddie had bought them with his first big paycheck.

Eddie had called to tell him that Wayne had passed, numb and monotone and not really fully registering just what that meant. That he was gone. Like gone-gone. 

Forever.

He wasn’t just gonna… open his eyes again and start talking. He wasn’t gonna go back home, or sit in his armchair or shout at the tv or lie in his own bed one last time… And… What about his mugs? He… Wayne had so many mugs, what was gonna happen to them? He loved those mugs.

And Jack had said he’d be there. He’d promised.

And then he wasn’t.

Because something had come up at work or he thought he was coming down with something or he hadn’t got enough sleep the night before and didn’t feel safe making the drive and he felt really bad about it, just a steady stream of excuses but also- that was it.

I feel really bad about it. Full stop. No attempt to say, I’ll make it up to you. Or even just the bare minimum of I’ll try my best to be there no matter what.

And like a flash in the pan Eddie went from devastated to angry to just cold acceptance. 

“Fine.” He’d grit out over the phone, feeling simultaneously broken hearted and fucking indignant. Because, yes, it was a little selfish to feel like Jack should have thrown all that to the side to be here with him. But his fucking family had just died. He was allowed to be a little selfish.

Eddie needed him there.

Didn’t just want him there, he needed him there.

But instead he had to go through it all, alone.

He was on his own just before Christmas, trying to organise a funeral for the only family he had.

He didn’t have much time to think straight. He resolved to put it all out of his mind until this was all over because Wayne deserved his attention right now.

Eddie had expected it to be small and quiet if he was being honest with himself. Wayne had been a man who kept to himself and all he had was Eddie.

He was just thankful the local funeral home wasn’t completely decked out in tinsel and lights and trees. It was going to be hard enough as it was without a constant reminder of the time of year.

Quiet and subdued, with just a few stragglers, as depressing as that was. He could handle that right?

But then the people started turning up at the funeral home and they just didn’t stop. 

The entire trailer park came out to see him, even Mrs. Cartwright, who was stone deaf and half blind with a bad hip, shuffled into the room on the arm of another of the neighbours, a red headed young woman, to offer her condolences. Then there were Wayne’s coworkers from the plant, the farmers he’d talk to in the pub, his fantasy football league, childhood friends that he hadn’t spoken to in years but still wanted to pay their respects, teachers from the school, store workers, the nurses who looked after him. Eddie’s own friends, the Corroded Coffin boys, the Hellfire kids, Rick, even some of his most loyal customers from back in his dealing days. 

It kept going, just floods and floods of people young and old passing through the room to pay their respects, offer their condolences and shake Eddie’s hand.

He was completely overwhelmed. By the end of it, his hand was fucking sore, his throat was raw and if he lingered on the thought any longer, of how many people had shown up for his uncle, had loved him, he’d start crying all over again, even though he was pretty sure he’d run dry.

Jeff, Gareth and Grant hung around for hours after they’d been through the procession once, waiting for a moment to talk to him and ask if he wanted them to stay with him for the rest of the funeral and after. For as long as he was back in Hawkins.

It went unspoken that Eddie had been in that room alone and they were trying to save him from that, so he took them up on the offer. Stood with his oldest friends that he really should have spoken to more over the years while Wayne was lowered into the ground.

They took him out for a few drinks afterwards but Eddie didn’t have it in him to make it a whole night thing. He was exhausted, but he promised to stay in better contact. 

When it all was said and done, Eddie found it incredibly difficult to get into the car and drive back.

He didn’t want to leave Wayne here alone.

He didn’t want to be states away anymore.

He wanted to be home. In this shitty little small town that he had hated growing up in but was such an important part of his life, that was familiar and sedentary and fucking quaint and most importantly had a memory of Wayne in every single corner.

Jack would never go for it.

But now that Eddie was on his own, in the car, it gave him a lot of time to stew on just how long he’d been on his own already.

Eddie loved fast and Eddie loved hard. If someone gained his trust or his loyalty, he would do anything for them. It would be a very, very hard thing for someone to lose. But it also made him incredibly blind to their flaws.

This wasn’t the first time Jack had pulled out of something at the last second. And most of the time it was just because he didn’t want to do whatever it was, regardless of if he had made promises about it. 

And Eddie had let it go each and every time before because, well, it was fine. He got over it and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

But he had needed Jack there this time. And he’d done it all alone.

If the situations were reversed, Eddie would have crawled on his belly through broken fucking glass to be where Jack needed him and nothing less than an explicit “I don’t want you there” would have deterred him.

And when he got back to their apartment and Jack had turned to him with a sympathetic, “How was it?” Eddie fucking lost it.

He’d screamed so loud and with so much anger and devastation, the neighbours called the cops and again Eddie was on his own trying to explain what had happened while Jack just shuffled around in the background looking vaguely guilty and shell shocked, muttering “You never told me you wanted me there” when the cops finally left.

And Eddie was just fucking done. He was broken. It was finished. 

“I didn’t think I had to. My family died. And you had been telling me the entire time that you’d be there. You told me you’d be there for me. And then you just weren’t.”

So that was it. 

Eddie couldn’t stand to be in that city anymore. Anonymous and lonely and fucking claustrophobic. Couldn’t stand to be in the apartment with its white Christmas lights and expensive baubles and store bought charm without an inch of personality because it “looks prettier this way.”

The fucking cushions that couldn’t be used to prop up his back because he’d squish the filling and the throws that were there for decoration, placed perfectly, giving the apartment the impression of lived in warmth without any actual emotion in it.

He sold the apartment to Jack, waiting for the heartbreak of the end of a years long relationship to finally hit him. But it never did.

Maybe his emotions were all worn out and it would hit him properly later.

The same way he knew he still hadn’t fully registered that Wayne was gone yet.

So.

Now he was here.

Standing in the cold of the trailer park, his breath fogging up in front of him, snow crushed underneath his boots and night blanketing him. He had a box of stuff in his arms, rooted to the ground between his still warm car and the dark and shadowed front door, thinking hysterically for a moment that he hadn’t asked Wayne if he could move back in.

But he couldn’t, of course he couldn’t, Wayne was gone and he wasn’t coming back and Eddie had no way of contacting him in the fucking afterlife if there even was one to ask if he could turn up on his doorstep again in almost the exact same way he had nearly fifteen years ago.

Wayne would have probably given him a light smack over the back of the head and told him he was always welcome, no matter the circumstances.

Still. 

It felt wrong to just assume he could be here without checking in with him first.

He could hear his voice in his head, could almost see him standing silhouetted in the warm glow of the doorway, looking soft and worn in. “Get your ass in here son, before you freeze to death.”

Eddie blinked and the door was closed and dark and empty again. There was no noise coming from inside the trailer, no sound of the tv going, no smells of cooking, no heat, no light.

It was an empty shell.

The glow of the other trailers surrounded him, the small muffled noises of life going on inside each and every one, warm yellows spilling out of their windows or multicoloured lights lining their roofs or their porches, Mariah Carey singing her heart out somewhere in the distance.

“No one ever tells you the front door is one of the hardest parts.”

Eddie jumped, whipping his head around to find the same redheaded woman standing off to the side, bundled up in a thick homemade scarf and puffer jacket, her hands in her pockets and winter boots unlaced, like she'd just thrown them on, the grooves in the snow behind her telling him she’d walked to him from somewhere across the park.

Eddie squeezed the box a little tighter to himself, finally feeling the biting cold through his fingers.

“Yeah. I-” he swallowed, looking up at the door again. “How long have I been standing here?”

He could hear the snow crunching under her boots as she came closer. “I don’t know.” Fabric rustled somewhere beside him as she shrugged. “Mrs. Cartwright only told me you were out here a few minutes ago. I dunno how she even noticed, she can barely see five foot in front of her face.”

Eddie turned to the trailer he remembered the old lady living in to see her sitting by the window, squinting out into the snow. She offered him a toothless smile and a little wave when she saw the two of them looking back.

He was just about able to unstick his hand from the box to wave back.

“And you’re her-?”

“Neighbour. But I check in on her as often as I can. She’s good company.” 

“Oh.”

The two of them stood there, in the cold, in the snow, just looking at each other and Eddie could feel the spectre of the dark and empty trailer looming over him. Before this redhead turned up, he could have conceivably turned back, gotten into the car and found a motel room or something for the night. This might have all been easier to face in the daytime.

But now he’d been seen, he was trapped and he couldn’t escape. He wasn’t sure if he could do it.

“When my mom died,” the woman said, coming around to face him, “I just kinda switched off. I was on autopilot for a lot of the time but my first day back at the trailer after the burial, I couldn’t go inside. She wasn’t in there anymore. Same as you, I don’t know how long I was out there before Steve came and found me.”

“You’re Max.” Eddie said, his brain finally putting the pieces together. “Wayne talked about you.”

Max’s face broke out into a wide delighted grin. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled back. “He said you never wore your helmet when you were skateboarding.”

She snorted. “Yeah. And the one time he finally convinced me to, I took a hell of a tumble. Broke my-”

“Leg, I think it was?”

“Nah, man.” Max shook her head. “Not just my leg, I broke my damn femur. Strongest bone in the body and snap.” She clapped her gloved hands together, muffling what should have surely been a hard impact. “With six months of therapy to go along with it. Got me into the job I’m in today, though.”

“He said you’re a physical therapist?”

“Yup. And he said you’re a writer.”

Eddie nodded.

“Well then, Writer Eddie Munson. How do you feel about the front door now?”

He looked back up, finding that it wasn’t quite as intimidating as it had been before.

“A little better.”

“Good. I’m glad. Can I give you a hand?”

“Oh, uh-” he looked back down at the box in his hand, flexing his fingers around the keychain he still had hanging off his thumb. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind.”

Max nodded, stepping forward and taking the box from him. Eddie gave her a small smile before squaring his shoulders and facing the door once more and stepping up towards the porch before he could stop himself.

Amongst his set of similar shaped keys, he easily found the one to the trailer, the same one he had cut out of a black blank when he was younger and so edgy.

With a deep breath he slipped it into the lock and turned, feeling it catch like it always did halfway through and jostling it in a way that was so familiar from years of doing the same thing, it hit him like a truck.

He swallowed down hard as he gestured Max in, switching the lights on.

It didn’t smell like Wayne anymore. Not really. It had been weeks since anyone had been inside. But the memory of the smell was there. 

It was freezing, an empty shell of a building that had been left to hold its ghosts. The pipes were probably frozen through too, but he and Wayne had handled that plenty of times before, this would be nothing new. 

Everything of Waynes was still here. His boots were by the door, his jackets were hung up, his mugs lined the walls. The remote was on the floor next to his recliner, like it had been accidentally nudged off of the arm and hadn’t been picked up yet.

It was like Wayne had just stepped out, or was hiding in another room.

Eddie could feel his heart start to crumble just a little more.

The two of them got his boxes and bags unpacked from his car and into the trailer in silence. He was pretty sure Max knew that he was just waiting for her to leave so he could break down in peace but even so, she turned to face him after placing the last box down.

“You can say no.” She said, hands back in her pockets. “But a few friends are flying in on Thursday and we’re going to meet up at Cathy’s. You’re welcome to come if you’re feeling up for it.”

Cathy’s pub, Wayne used to go there all the time. The actual name of the place was The Attic, but no one called it that, everyone called it Cathy’s. As much of an Irish pub as one could get out in Hawkins without actually being an Irish Pub. It just happened to be run by an Irish woman who refused to entertain four leaf clovers and green pints and had kicked people out in the past for calling it ‘Patty’s Day’ instead of ‘Paddy’s Day.’

Eddie nodded at her, his eyes already starting to mist up from everything settling around his shoulders.

“Thanks.” He sniffled. “I’ll think about it.”

She offered him a gentle smile and said her goodbyes, not lingering around when he so clearly wanted to be on his own.

He watched through the window as Max carved a path through the snow back to Mrs. Cartwright’s trailer, before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and starting to unpack.

Last night had been one of the roughest nights of Eddie’s entire life.

He’d only managed to switch the electric heater on and open one box before the silence got to him.

He’d switched on the tv and had to flip channels for far too long before he found what he was looking for because he didn’t know where the sports channels were hidden away, he’d never wanted or needed to look for them before.

But having the trailer filled with the sound of sports commentators and the crowds in the stadium and an obscene amount of advertisements was enough to make him crack.

He’d ended up in a ball on the floor, crying so much he felt like he’d never stop, breathing so hard he felt himself getting lightheaded.

Every time the tears subsided and he had started to get a handle on himself, he saw something that would start the cycle all over again. The Garfield mug, Wayne’s favourite winter hat, the stash of red vines he kept hidden beside his armchair, a habit he got into and never got out of when they were living together to keep them away from Eddie’s sweet-tooth.

By the time Eddie had pulled himself up to curl into the couch, he had a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a nest of Wayne’s clothes surrounding him, the smell just barely lingering. 

He drank himself into a stupor.

The morning after was equally rough but in an entirely different way. When he was woken up by the sound of daytime life outside the trailer door, bleary and foggy, he recognised his surroundings before anything else. 

“Wayne?” He’d called, half expecting to turn to find him in his armchair, the sounds of the sports channel still filling in the space of the room. 

But then he remembered. 

All over again he remembered.

He was barely able to do anything for himself that day. Most of it was spent staring off into space, waiting for things to get better, like everyone always said it would. Waiting for the pain to dull and to be able to function again. 

He stood in the doorway of what had been Wayne’s bedroom and then his own and became Wayne’s again once he moved out.

He never thought he’d be back here, moving back into this exact same bedroom all over again. 

He didn’t sleep in the bed that night. Or the night after. 

He couldn’t. Not yet.

He had managed to get the water running, so that was a plus and by the time he had some of his stuff unpacked the trailer no longer looked like a warehouse full of boxes, but instead looked like a cluttered and messy home.

He didn’t have the strength to move any of Wayne’s things, so his own stuff just kind of existed in corners or on countertops and it was fine.

Everything was fine.

This was his life now.

This was what he wanted.

It was fine.

Snow was starting to swirl around him as he stood outside Cathy’s, slowly accumulating in his hair and building up around his boots as the warm light and laughter inside seeped out of the building. 

There were twinkling multi-colored lights lining the outside and glittering through the fogged up windows and Eddie could see inside was decorated with green garlands draped from every available surface, red, gold and silver baubles woven in throughout and topped off with a healthy smattering of tinsel.

It was the most inviting thing he had seen recently and he ached to go inside. It was just so full of memories.

But he was stuck. 

Rooted to the spot like he had been outside the trailer door a few days ago.

Wayne would have loved all of this. 

He loved Christmas. 

He loved Christmas late nights at Cathy’s.

And it was only really then, when he’d been so painfully aware of it in the back of his mind for the last few weeks, that this was going to be the first Christmas he had to endure without Wayne. 

“Eddie?”

Well, no running now. 

But it wasn’t Max this time.

“Eddie Munson, my god. Is that really you?”

Eddie turned and was met by the sight of someone he hadn’t seen in the longest time.

“Chris?”

Chrissy Cunningham was standing in front of him in all her short and bright glory with a blinding smile on her face. Something deep in him warmed under her gaze. They hadn’t been friends for very long before they both skipped town in opposite directions, not to mention the ill-fated crushes they had both quietly harboured for each other once upon a time, but that was never gonna work out.

Even so, a friendly face he recognised was just what he needed right now. Someone to help him brace everything in front of him through those doors. The Wayne of it all. And the terror of potentially being introduced to a whole group of people as a new outsider, in mourning, no less.

A loud burst of laughter rang out from inside as they looked at each other and Eddie felt something fizzle and settle gently in his chest. 

In a tiny little moment, they clicked again, still friends after all this time, no matter the distance.

Chrissy looked at him, a thousand emotions passing through her eyes as she worked through what she was going to say. She had definitely heard about Wayne’s death. Wayne had taken her in on more than one occasion when her mother had gotten to be too much.

Eddie had to get his ability to collect strays from somewhere, after all.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. By the time I heard I couldn’t get a flight in time and I should have been here for you.”

“It’s okay.” he smiled at her. And it was okay, really. 

She wormed her hand in between his elbow and his side where they were clenched tight from the cold, looping her arm through.  “I’ll stick with you the whole night if you want me to.”

Eddie’s whole body sagged in relief, not knowing he needed to hear it until he did. 

“Please.”

Chrissy nodded, a steely look of determination on her face and their arms held tight together as they pushed their way inside.

The warm glow and homely smells hit him immediately and he felt his shoulders loosen even more. It was loud inside but not unbearable, the sounds of conversation mingling in with the speakers softly playing out a mix of traditional Irish music and what had to be some Christmas best hits album. 

Eddie dragged his eyes across the bar, while Chrissy looked around at the people sitting at various tables and booths. 

“Are you looking for anyone in particular?” He asked.

“I only just flew in today. I’m supposed to be meeting up with a number of- oh! There they are.”

She pointed towards the back by the fire that Cathy had put in, claiming it couldn’t be a proper pub without a fire. The series of tables were all pushed a little closer to each other, overflowing with people and Eddie had to blink at them a few times, realising there were definitely a few familiar faces grinning back at him and waving the two of them over.

The first person he recognised was Max, her bright red hair standing out amongst the sea of browns and chestnuts and blacks. It was then that his eye was drawn around the table and saw his Corroded Coffin boys and the Hellfire kids looking back at him. 

Damn, he’d forgotten to tell the boys about his impulsive move back here. He hadn’t really told anyone about it apart from Jack. But they didn’t seem to hold it against him. It was plain as day on their faces that they knew he might not exactly be doing things logically right about now.

And then there were the Hellfire kids. 

Or he supposed he could hardly call them kids anymore. 

They would all be somewhere in their mid-twenties at this stage and wasn’t that just a mind trip?

They all stood to greet Chrissy and himself, hugs and pats on the back all around, the Hellfire kids and Max introducing one of the few truly unfamiliar faces amongst the bunch, El. Another woman he vaguely recognised gave him a small wave but eventually he realised who she was, because this was a small town and everyone at least knew of everyone in one way or the other. 

Robin Buckley, from band.

What a strange mix of people.

She and Chrissy shared a long look with each other, eventually revealing that Robin was her long term girlfriend.

Eddie nodded along, told her it was nice to meet her but couldn’t help the taste of bitterness that rose up in his throat when he looked at the two of them, not being able to remember the last time he had been out with Jack and feeling like his company was enjoyed and Jack wasn’t just waiting to go home with or without him. 

It had barely been a week since they had broken up but the loneliness had been there for a while. 

He had only just managed to get his coat and scarf off before Cathy appeared at their table, a drink in each hand.

“Eddie, darling.” She said, placing the two drinks down in front of him and scooping him up into a hug. “It’s so good to see you back home, love.”

She was an older woman, warm and wrinkled and soft, smelling vaguely of cigarette smoke and perfume in a mix that shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was.

“Thanks, Cathy.” He muttered into her neck, pulling back away only to find his face in her hands. 

“If you need anything at all, you know where to find me, right?”

He gave her a shaky smile, not really sure what to do with himself, he could feel everyone else at the table watching them.

“Yeah.”

“Good boy.” She grinned back at him, petting his cheek before gesturing down at the drinks she dropped off at the table.

“This is for you, love. On the house.” She pointed at the beer bottle. “And this one,” she rested her hand next to the glass of whiskey, neat. Wayne’s drink. “It’s tradition. One last tipple for your dear uncle. And none of you,” she whipped around, pointing an accusing finger at everyone in the booth, “are to touch it.”

They all stared up at her wide eyed and nodded while she turned her smile back on Eddie. “You take care of yourself, now. You hear me?”

“I’ll do my best.” He gave her a short salute and she rolled her eyes at him in a good natured way before turning and heading back to the bar.

Eddie swept his eyes over the pub, hoping to get an idea of how much of a scene had been made, as quiet as they had been tucked away in their corner. But before he could take a proper inventory, the doors were pushed open and even from the back of the pub Eddie could feel the cold following in the figure's wake.

The newcomer brushed the snow out of his hair and stomped his shoes out before flashing a smile at Cathy and weaving his way through the tables towards them.

He was almost offensively pretty, his cheeks, nose and lips rosy from the cold, unwinding a scarf from around his neck, giving Eddie a glance at a spattering of moles across his skin. He ran a hand through his hair again, trying to get out the last of the snow.

He looked so familiar. 

It had been a long ten or so years since they'd seen each other, but it couldn’t be. 

Could it?

“Hi, sorry I’m late, I-”

“Harrington?”

Steve Harrington stopped short, standing in front of him, staring at him with cheeks getting slightly redder.

“Eddie.” He said, a little breathlessly, running his hand through his hair again, but it seemed to be more from nerves this time. “Hi.”

Oh, so they were on first name terms? Okay, he could deal with that. 

Except that maybe he couldn’t deal with it, because his childhood Big Gay Crush was standing in front of him, smiling at him and looking like he’d just been beamed out of the campest Christmas movie in existence, the warm glow of the Christmas lights and the fire dancing across his skin, bundled up in a dark red sweater and his hair was somehow still perfect.

But he was saved from having to respond as the group started shuffling around to greet him, Robin reaching out to pull him into a tight hug, like they hadn’t seen each other in ages.

Eddie moved back, sitting down at a stool at the edge of the tables, next to Chrissy and across from Robin and Steve who were whispering fiercely to each other, Robin explaining the whiskey on the table wasn’t to be touched and sending what they must have thought were subtle nods in his direction and well, he wasn’t sure what else he expected from tonight.

Apparently he was a local spectacle now.

But still, his boys were here, the Hellfire kids were here, Chrissy was here, he had plenty of people available to him to distract himself from Steve sitting directly across from him.

He had only managed to get halfway through the drink Cathy had brought him before he was approached again, this time by an older man who he recognised as one of the guys on Wayne’s shift.

He placed a fresh drink down in front of Eddie and told him Wayne was a good man, that the world was a little dimmer for his passing and he was a hell of a baseball player back in the day, could throw a ball at speed like no one he had ever seen since.

Eddie smiled and listened as the guy spoke, the clear affection and joy he had for his uncle warming his heart.

It was barely ten minutes after that guy had gone back to his own group that Eddie was approached again, another drink placed down in front of him and more sympathies and stories of Wayne’s past gifted to him from people who had known him.

It went on like that throughout the whole night, a steadily revolving door of people coming to talk to him about his uncle. 

Stories of the stupid and dangerous shit they had gotten up to in their childhoods, stories of cow tipping (which Eddie had heard from Wayne’s own mouth was a bold faced lie but a fun one to tell), tractor racing (which he had not heard about) and one time Wayne had been chased out of Farmer Dan’s barn by the man himself wielding a shotgun, convinced he’d been corrupting his daughter.

Stories of nights playing poker, learning to never ever trust his poker face, his abysmal luck when it came to his fantasy football teams and how much he loved to get a bit of drink in him and sing at the top of his lungs, which Cathy always humoured, often joining in.

Almost as if she had been summoned, Cathy appeared at his other side.

“Will we have a little sing-song for your uncle, love?”

Eddie looked up at her and thought about it. To hear the accented and cracking old voices singing along to the songs that just seemed to live in pubs like these would probably hurt, but it would be like lancing a wound. 

It would sting but it would be healing.

“Yeah.” He said. “I don’t see why not.”

“Would you do us the honours, then?”

Eddie felt his eyes go wide. He was never really much of a singer. “Oh. No,” he blushed, shaking his head, “I don’t think so, I’ll leave that up to the professionals.” He gestured around to the group of older men he had managed to collect as the night wore on. “If it’s one thing Wayne didn’t hand down to me, it was his singing voice.”

Cathy waved him off. “Oh nonsense, you have a lovely voice.”

He really didn’t.

“I really don’t.”

“We’ll be singing along with you anyway-”

“No, I’d rather not-”

“I could do it for you.”

Eddie turned to face Steve who was looking the least nervous that he had for the entire night, his gaze steady and confident, clearly comfortable in his singing ability. Robin was staring hard at the side of his head, like she was trying to beam thoughts directly into his brain. Eddie’s heart was thumping in his chest and he could feel his cheeks start to heat up, something he was pretty sure had little to do with the drink.

“You sing, Steve?”

Robin’s mouth ticked up at Eddie’s question though she tried to hide it, like she was harbouring a little secret.

“I’ve been known to.” Steve’s own lips curled up, shooting that tiny little smile Eddie’s way and-

Oh.

Oh shit.

Childhood Big Gay Crush, you’ve been upgraded to Current Big Gay Crush.

“Any requests?”

Eddie thought back. 

There was only one song that came to mind to kick them off.

Wayne had always loved a certain type of song to sing in the pubs and when Metallica came out with a cover of one of them, a cover of the Thin Lizzy version? It was solidified. 

It was their song, regardless of which version was being sung.

Now he just had to try to get through it without bursting into tears.

“Whiskey In The Jar.”

Steve smiled at him bright and blinding. “Thank god you didn’t say The Rattlin’ Bog.”

Eddie grinned back. “I couldn’t dump you in the deep-end like that, sweetheart.”

Cathay was practically bouncing with excitement and when Steve opened his mouth and started to sing, not a hint of bashfulness or embarrassment to be seen, it didn’t take long for Wayne’s friends to join in, singing and clapping along, stomping their feet and whooping. 

Eddie just sat and listened. Just for that one song. He could feel it settle around his heart and clog up his throat but he could handle it. Steve’s voice was smooth and clear, like it all came to him with zero effort, like he was born to it, the bastard.

Eddie was able to keep it together through that song and while the applause surrounded him and Steve was starting to field suggestions for more songs, the rest of their table started to join in, the energy of the pub becoming electric.

As the night wore on and Eddie was handed drink after drink, he found himself drifting right into the group, until he was in the middle, Steve’s arm stretched over the back of the booth behind them, squished in together as they were. They didn’t strictly need to be as pressed up against each other as they were, but neither of them were moving and Eddie would take his comforts where he could, listening to the voice vibrating from the body next to him.

Eddie was able to hold it together until they decided they’d do one last song and he knew he wasn’t going to survive it dry eyed.

Of all the money that ever I had,

I spent it in good company.

Steve had barely gotten through the first verse before the tears started, just a slow and quiet trickle but noticed immediately regardless.

Steve’s hand dropped from where it was at the back of the booth to land around Eddie’s shoulders, giving him a little squeeze while Chrissy took his hand, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Steve sang slow and unaccompanied, his voice ringing out clear and steady while Cathy and Wayne’s friends listened with heads hung low. He let the last notes fade out, keeping Eddie tucked in tight to his side as the applause rang out and everyone started making their moves to head home.

Even as Eddie had to go through the rigmarole of shaking hands and kissing cheeks, much drunker than he thought he was, Steve held onto him. He heard more than one of Wayne’s friends mutter “You take care of him, you hear?” or “Get him home safe” and each time Steve smiled and nodded, assuring them he would.

He didn’t know exactly when he had become Steve’s problem but he was too drunk to care, it was nice to be looked after for once.

Sunlight was spearing straight through his head. Someone hadn’t closed the blinds properly last night and now he was being assaulted by this world's version of Pelor in what had to be some kind of revenge for something terrible he must have done in a past life. 

Dragging his eyes around the trailer, he was thankful that he was on the couch. He hadn’t slept in Wayne’s bed since moving back here. He didn’t think he would be able to for a while yet. At least not until he started moving some of his stuff out and who knew how long that might take.

It didn’t feel right, taking Wayne out of his own bedroom for the second time in his life. 

But even so, he wondered which poor misfortune from the pub last night had been the one to deal with him and take him home, probably seeing the state things had been left in and the fact that he was clearly using the couch as a bed.

Maybe it had been Max. He kind of hoped it had been Max, he felt like she could probably relate the best, though Chrissy would have been kind about it too.

Eddie was able to drag himself up to sitting, still clad in his t-shirt and boxers, so at the very least, whoever had spilled him onto the couch last night didn’t get an accidental show.

There was something sticking in the back of his head that it could have been Steve who brought him home but that would be the most embarrassing eventuality of all so he just straight up ignored it, making his coffee as strong as humanly possible and dragging himself and the coffee into the shower. 

Today was gonna be… today was gonna be an inside day. He didn’t think he could stomach the outside world, all the brightness and snow and Christmas lights and festive cheer in mourning and hungover.

His trailer was the only one left in the park undecorated. He couldn’t…

He just couldn’t.

Not right now, anyway.

Maybe next year.

He and Wayne had always done it together. Even when Eddie had moved away from home, he’d make the drive back down at the start of December every year to help, staying the night and then going back to Jack for a couple of weeks then coming back again for the week of Christmas.

He-

Oh.

He was going to be completely alone this year.

He didn’t just not have Wayne. 

He didn’t have Jack either.

And no doubt, everyone who was back in town was back in town for their own reasons, to see their own friends and family, not to bring in a stray mourner who would undoubtedly bring the mood down. 

Well, that was fucking depressing. 

But it was fine.

He’d make himself a mountain of waffles and eat nothing but those all day and watch stupid horror movies and smoke himself into oblivion to avoid the destructive hangover and it would be fine. 

It would hardly be a Christmas but it would be fine.

A knock at the door made him blink and woke him up from his daily routine of staring off into space. He had finally found himself feeling somewhat human, at least physically. Dressed and dried and on his second round of coffee and first round of painkillers, standing in the doorway to Wayne’s bedroom again when the knock came.

He glanced between the front door and the bedroom, wondering if it was even worth it to see what salesperson or caroler was on the other end. They didn’t deserve his moody ambivalence, but whoever it was knocked again and maybe just the sight of him would be enough to scare them away.

He swung the door open and nearly closed it immediately when Steve looked up at him with a shy smile. 

He didn’t know if he could handle this right now. 

“Hi.” Steve said, his cheeks pink either from the cold or from embarrassment, Eddie wasn’t sure which. 

He was like… fifty percent sure that Steve might be, maybe, giving him some signals but also he got very, very drunk last night and he was pretty sure he remembered crying on someone’s shoulder after he got home too so, he was probably not the best judge of these things.

“Hi.” Eddie clutched his coffee cup tighter in his hand. “I’d invite you in, but I would rather you not see how I’m living right now.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I’ve already- nevermind.” He shook his head. “I can’t stay long anyway, I just wanted to check if you were okay after last night.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows and blew a breath out through his lips. “I’m… I’m. Well. I’m… coping, I suppose.”

Steve nodded, eyes cast down to glance around the porch. There was a flake of snow clinging to one of his eyelashes, Eddie didn’t know how it got there. It hadn’t been snowing that morning, not from what he’d seen anyway, cooped up inside. Steve looked up towards the roof of the trailer and then around the edges, no doubt taking in its depressing and undecorated exterior.

“Listen, I-” 

Steve hesitated, his cheeks burning a little brighter, hands shoved in his pockets and arms curled in tight towards himself. Eddie felt a little bad about leaving him out here in the cold, not even inviting him in regardless of how it was inside, it felt unnecessarily mean but he didn’t know if he could handle having Steve in his space right now. He felt like he was at either a knife’s edge or unbearably dull this morning.

“I wanted to offer you- or, I don’t know. If you didn’t have any plans, that- well, I’m hosting everyone at my place on Christmas day and you would be more than welcome if you wanted to come. Y’know… if you weren’t… if you didn’t-”

“If I’m gonna be alone?”

Steve turned his big sad eyes on him, mouth gone slack from shock. 

“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I never meant to suggest-”

Eddie shrugged, taking a sip from his mug. 

“It’s an unfortunate fact, right now, Stevie. I am alone. It’s depressing but it’s the truth.”

“Well.” Steve took a big breath in. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Eddie hummed, rocking back and forth on his feet. “Who’s everyone? I don’t know if I would be able to handle your parents. No offence.”

Steve scoffed. “None taken. They haven’t set foot in that house in nearly ten years. It’s not theirs anymore, it’s mine.”

“Oh. They dead too?”

To Steve’s credit, he didn’t flinch at the words that were maybe a little harsher than they needed to be, he met Eddie’s eye, determined and unwavering.

“No, they’re not. They left Hawkins, left me the house, called it my inheritance and drove off. They’re in New York now. We exchange Christmas cards but that’s about it.”

Eddie was a little bewildered.

“You don’t talk to them at all?”

Steve shrugged. “We know who we are to each other.”

So Steve still had parents out there in the world and they just… didn’t talk to each other? And from the sounds of it, all three of them seemed fine with that? Now that sounded depressing. 

“Steve, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Steve tilted his head, their eyes never once wavering. “It’s a different kind of mourning, I suppose.” He shuffled a little bit in the cold and fuck, Eddie really should have invited him inside, but it looked like he was getting ready to leave anyway. “So, on the day it’ll be me, Rob and Chris. The kids will come over later on in the evening. And I think Dustin has invited those three guys from your band too, so they might show up. Like I said, no pressure, you do whatever it is you’re comfortable with but I think they’d all like to see you, I’d-” 

Steve swallowed, his face getting pinker.

“I’d like to see you.”

Eddie could feel a grin tugging at his lips, something giddy and hopeful blooming in his belly despite everything. “Oh, would you now?”

Steve flashed him a charming grin, his shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly while he dragged his eyes down towards Eddie’s lips and then back up. “I would.”

“Well then, I’ll have to see what I can do.”

Despite the things he said to Steve, he wasn’t sure he was going to turn up until he did.

He’d gotten into his car Christmas morning with a thermos of hot chocolate and an insulated blanket and visited Wayne.

He’d placed Wayne’s old fashioned chipped and battered mug that he only ever drank hot chocolate out of at Christmas time, a painted wreath and ‘Merry Christmas’ decorating the front, down next to the wooden cross dug into the head of his grave.

The headstone wouldn’t be finished for another few weeks.

He spread the blanket down over the snow, wishing he’d thought to bring a cushion but powering through regardless.

He poured out some hot chocolate for himself and Wayne, sat back, drank and just… talked.

He told Wayne about his breakup with Jack, about selling the apartment, about moving back into the trailer, apologised for not checking in with him first before he did. He talked about everyone who came to the funeral and the night at the pub, the songs, the people he spoke to, the friends he found there.

Steve.

He might have spent a little longer talking about Steve. It was nothing Wayne hadn’t heard before, though. Eddie had talked about him a lot during school.

He rambled and tripped over his words and laughed and cried.

He was alone in the graveyard. No one else was visiting at this cold hour of the morning, they would all probably stop by after mass or after dinner but Eddie hated the idea of not seeing him first thing.

Going back home after that was hard.

His hands were stiff and creaking, his ass was so numb from the cold it had come back around to hurting again and he didn’t know if it would ever thaw, but sitting in his van outside the trailer, looking at it cold and empty and undecorated he knew he couldn’t spend the whole damn day here.

He wasn’t sure what time he was supposed to show up to Steve’s but it seemed like an informal enough invite so he tried to distract himself as best as he could before he could make his appearance at an appropriate time.

He called it tidying but it was really just moving things around from corner to corner, trying to find spaces for his stuff to live, but at the very least the trailer no longer looked like Eddie had just dumped his entire life out onto the living room floor.

Which… he had but it didn’t really look like it anymore.

By the time the evening started to close in around him, he figured now was as good a time as any to go, it was certainly a better idea than sitting around with his blank word document, bouncing his knee or chewing on his fingers or staring off into space.

He did try to at least pull himself together to look presentable enough. Or as presentable his ripped jeans would allow him to be. 

At the last second he reached for one of Wayne’s flannels, a buffalo check in red and black that felt Christmassy enough, slipping it on over his t-shirt and under his jacket.

Steve’s house was completely decked out. Even from the outside Eddie could tell he’d gone all out, every edge of the roof was crawling with twinkling warm white lights, there were LED candle arches lighting up every window and a large wreath surrounding the door knocker. Through the windows he could see that the inside was much the same.

Steve’s whole face lit up into a bright smile when he opened the door to Eddie standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“You came.” He breathed.

“I did.” Eddie smiled back. “I hope you don’t mind, I'm a little empty handed. By the time I remembered it was polite to bring something to these things it was already too late and I’ve been a little scatter-brained recently-”

“No, no. That’s fine, Eds.” Steve waved him in and Eddie tried not to let his stomach completely fly away with him at the nickname. “Come in. I’m just happy you're here, empty handed or not.”

Just like Steve had that night at the pub in his red sweater and perfectly tousled hair, the entire house looked like it had been transported out of a Christmas movie. The space was warmly lit by various lights strung around the bannister, fresh green garlands swagged over doorways and the fireplace, which was roaring and warm.

Red and green stockings were lined up over the mantle, almost too many to fit, and a large regal Christmas tree was decked out to the nines with a mishmash of different coloured decorations.

The tree and the garlands gave the whole place an inviting smell, complemented by the scent of cooking and baking that was wafting in from the kitchen.

Steve helped him slip his jacket off his shoulders, hanging it up over the coat rack.

“Can I get you something to drink? You’re just in time, dinner should be coming out of the oven any second now.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Steve shot him a blinding smile, turning and disappearing through an entryway while Eddie wandered to stand in front of the fire.

He stared down at it, letting the warmth spread over him wondering if he really should be feeling… more? Less? 

He still felt sad that Wayne was gone and excited at the idea that something might be brewing with Steve, but was that right? Was that normal? Should there be other things? He didn’t know.

He was distracted from those thoughts by the sound of bickering coming from the kitchen.

“Rob, let me just-”

“No, get out!”

Steve stumbled through the doorway with a little pout on his face, managing to keep the two wine glasses in his hands from spilling over.

“Did you just get kicked out of your own kitchen?”

“Yeah.” He grumbled, handing one of the glasses to Eddie and Eddie did not blush when their fingers light grazed one another. He was an adult fucking man who’d done many filthy, dirty things in his life. He did not blush at a finger graze. “She won’t let me do anything else. Said I’ve cooked enough already which, I don’t know how that could possibly be true considering it isn’t even finished yet but-”

Steve cut himself off with a bite to his lip.

“Sorry, that’s- nevermind. I’m rambling.”

“It’s okay, Stevie. I don’t mind.”

Steve smiled, a little more to himself than to Eddie and said softly, “I like it when you call me that.”

Eddie had to drag his eyes away, the sweetness of Steve’s grin was too much to handle right now.

“I like it when you call me Eds.”

They were just standing there smiling at each other and slowly rocking on their feet, like they wanted to inch forwards but neither was brave enough to take the leap.

“Are you in the food industry? Is that why Robin gave you the boot?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “I think I probably would have liked it, but no. I sing. Singer-songwriter, really but- I mean- I’m in music.”

“Really?” Eddie’s mouth was maybe hanging open a little wider than it needed to be, but Steve didn’t seem to mind. He hadn’t torn his eyes away. “I mean you have the voice for it, but shit, that’s not an easy industry to be in.”

Steve shrugged. “It could be worse. I work independently so I don’t have anyone breathing down my neck about it.”

“Anything I would have heard?”

“I dunno.” Steve blushed, hiding behind his wine glass as he took a sip. “Don’t really think it’s your type of music.”

“I’ll give anything a try once.”

Steve grinned a little and Eddie could tell there was a joke hidden in there somewhere that Steve graciously didn’t voice aloud. “It’s a mix of everything I suppose. But if you were to put a genre on it I’d call it indie rock.”

“I’m just letting you know right now, little eighteen year old Eddie is green with jealousy. I’ll have to look you up.”

“Please don’t.” Steve grimaced, his whole face bright red. “I don’t think I would be able to live with the embarrassment. And what about you, anyway? How’s the new book going?”

“Uh,” Eddie cast around for an answer before gulping back a mouthful of wine. “It’s going… it’s going. I’ve been kinda stuck at a wall for a few months now, but hopefully something will come to me soon.” He frowned to himself before looking back up at Steve. “How did you hear I was writing a new book? I wouldn’t have even thought you’d remember who I was, like in general.”

“How could I not remember you? You’re hard to forget.”

It was Eddie’s turn to hide behind his wine glass now. He wasn’t exactly sure how true that was, considering everything about his past relationship.

“But… uh. As for how I knew,” Steve rubbed that back of his neck, “I’ve read them. Your books, I mean.”

Eddie’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. 

“You have? And you read them knowing it was me who wrote them?” He laughed to himself. “Didn’t think you’d be into queer vampire action romance.”

“You have no idea what I’m into Eds.” Steve answered, his eyes low and lidded, a smirk pulling up at the side of his mouth.

Eddie was saved from making a further fool of himself when Robin and Chrissy appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Feast’s served!”

The girls each said their hello’s, an arm squeeze from Robin and a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Chrissy before he was practically pushed down into his seat.

The dining table was large enough to have everything on the table, turkey, ham and all the trimmings, bowls with spoons sticking out of them and plates with tongs, even enough space left over for candles and decor in the middle of it all.

As bowls were passed around and both Steve and Robin made the first move on the food, tipping servings out to Eddie and Chrissy before themselves, Eddie found himself getting lost in conversation from all three directions.

He gossiped with Chrissy while Steve and Robin bickered over the best cut of the turkey. 

Throughout the dinner, Robin tried to sneakily get rid of her sprouts by dropping them one by one onto Steve’s plate when he wasn’t looking, but he noticed every time, savouring them with a satisfaction that could only come from someone who actually liked them.

He got into his own good natured argument with Robin about marching band while Steve and Chrissy talked sports.

And he flirted.

Brazenly.

Probably far more brazenly than he should have but Steve always rose to meet the challenge with a curl of his lip and a glint in his eye.

By the time dessert was making the rounds he was pretty sure he could have fallen asleep sitting at the dining table, but finding room for the cakes and pies and trifles, as always.

Steve had stopped drinking after that first glass and while Eddie didn’t exactly want to get completely plastered, he still allowed himself to get to a polite level of tipsy.

The girls had no such worries, already rosy cheeked and a little sloppy by the time the kids and Eddie’s band arrived.

The rest of the night was full of Christmas music, the most ridiculous games of charades which Eddie won every time, pulling on his old DM skills and after a passionate argument on what the worst Christmas movie was, the winning candidate was turned on, everyone laughing and jeering along with it like it was a Rocky Horror showing, Eddie pressed into Steve’s side on the couch.

It was during a particularly loud moment, all of them booing the screen when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Pulling it out he saw the screen light up with a name he hadn’t really thought of for most of the night.

Jack.

He stared down at the name for longer than he really needed to before sighing to himself.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Steve glanced between the phone and his face before settling into a gentle smile.

“Okay.” He gave his shoulder a small squeeze and Eddie got up, bringing the phone to his ear and stepping out of the room.

“Hello?”

There was a momentary pause on the other line before a quiet voice spoke. “Hi, Eddie.”

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what to say back to him. Why are you calling? Why are you suddenly interested? Has the guilt finally gotten to you? Is it because it’s Christmas and you thought I’d be alone?

In the end he didn’t have to say anything.

“I’m just- I guess I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” Jack sounded resigned and a little sad. If they had still been together, Eddie would have been trying to drag him out to the Christmas market or trivia nights or Christmas parties for the last few weeks and they would have been heading out in a day or two to spend the rest of the holidays with Jack’s family in Ohio. Jack had only come back with him for a Christmas with Wayne once before.

But it sounded like Jack was already with his family. Eddie could hear his mothers Michael Bublé Christmas album playing softly in another room.

“I’m doing…” Eddie sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I’m doing okay.”

A loud chorus of laughter burst through the sitting room, shouting and jeering following quickly behind.

“You’re out somewhere?”

Eddie glanced back through the door, watching everyone gathered either talking to each other, pointing in indignation at the tv, tucking into another serving of dessert or knocking back the last of their drink, all backlit by the Christmas lights and the fire.

“I’m with friends.”

“Good.” He could hear Jack nodding, wondering how he was handling his mothers questions or his fathers awkwardness that Eddie usually deflected for him. “That’s good. I’m glad you- I’m glad you’re not alone.”

No thanks to you, Eddie wanted to snap but kept it down. He didn’t have the energy for an argument right now. Didn’t want one. It was Christmas and he wanted to keep the comfortable, fuzzy feeling around for as long as he could.

Steve lifted his eyes, looking right at him and grinning, something soft, something warm and easy, just for him.

Eddie smiled back. “Yeah, me too.”

Steve drove him home that night. It was nearly two in the morning by the time he was bundled up in the car with a lap full of tupperware and his heart feeling lighter than it had for weeks now.

He’d been offered a room to stay in, but had refused. He didn’t want to impose any more than he already had and if he was honest with himself, he wanted to be at home. 

Plus he hadn’t brought anything for an overnight.

When they pulled up, Eddie tried to shuffle his way out of the car without dropping anything but eventually had to huff and hand some of the containers over when Steve offered to help him carry them all.

They were inside before Eddie remembered his previous refusal to let Steve in through the door, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Steve gave a cursory glance around but his eyes always seemed to be drawn back to Eddie, placing the containers down on the kitchen counter and assuring him he’d be back in the morning to drive Eddie back to his car.

“I hope you had a good time.” Steve looked at him, all warm and gooey and too good to be true.

“I had a great time, I think I needed it.” Eddie fidgeted with his rings, nervous all of a sudden. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. It was great to see you, I’m glad you came.” 

They stood, staring at each other and Eddie had the urge to hide his face behind his hair, but he resisted.

Steve reached out, brushing a curl behind his ear and then leant in, placing a sweet and chaste kiss against his cheek and Eddie was left completely dazed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Eddie breathed, nodding. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

He watched Steve step out onto the porch and slide into his car, driving away with a little waggle of his fingers. Eddie unconsciously brought his hand up to brush over his cheek where he could still feel the tingle of Steve’s lips against his skin.

When the headlights of Steve’s car turned the corner, Eddie closed the door, staring at it in silence for a few moments before a hysterical little giggle burst out of his throat.

His whole body was wracked through with momentary excitement, forcing him to spin in a silly little circle. He stifled another giggle, sighing it out before his eyes landed on the couch.

He looked back up at a photo from a few years ago, of him and Wayne on a road trip that they had taken, sitting on a wooden fence surrounding a national park. Wayne always said it was just “One step at a time, boy. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t take that first step.”

“Yeah, I hear you, Wayne.” Eddie responded out into the empty trailer. “First step.”

He looked up towards the bedroom.

He felt like, maybe tonight, maybe he could be comfortable with that first step.

Pulling a fresh set of bedsheets out of storage and turning back to the bed with them bundled up in his arms, he figured he’d just have to take it one step at a time.

I made a short playlist to go along with this fic containing the songs sung and the different versions mentioned along with one or two others I think they may have sung and my own favourites.

Some of you may have read I lost a family member a couple of weeks ago and I suppose this is my way of working through my feelings about it. It hit a little harder than I had intended but was healing to write nonetheless.

AO3

As always, my biggest thanks and much love to @hbyrde36 for the beta work with this and to the Stranger Things Writers Guild Discord for their motivation!

Christmas lights divider by @silkholland

#steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie #penny00dreadful #eddie x steve #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #fanfic #tw character death #tw funeral #tw grief #tw mourning #christmas fic

[yandere-daze]

This is probably the most niche thing I have ever posted but I just finished playing Tyrion Cuthbert: Attorney of the Arcane ( a game you should totally play btw!!) and I have many horrible thoughts about this man. I´m going to go insane if I don´t put this out into the world sooo... here we go!

I also feel like at some parts it kind of doubles as a character study so take that, I guess?

MAJORS SPOILERS FOR TYRION CUTHBERT: ATTORNY OF THE ARCANE! Please play the game!

3.4k words

gn reader

tw yandere, stalking, manipulation, murder, societal pressure, guilt-tripping, obsession

General Yandere! Aster Headcanons

So Aster himself is a very interesting character in my opinion. He´s very idealistic and sees the corruption of the nobility in the kingdom to be completely unacceptable. He cares a great deal about the commonfolk and because of that, the crown prince is very well-liked by the public, even before he becomes the king

Compared to many other nobles who are haughty, arrogant, or intimidating, Aster gives off the vibes of someone who is very friendly and approachable. Something about him just feels different in comparison.

And it is this friendly and open-minded appearance that would make his darling feel more at ease when approaching him to talk. Talking to Aster just doesn´t feel as scary or annoying as having to speak with other nobles. His positive attitude actually makes conversing with him an enjoyable experience

I think it might actually be more likely for him to fall for a commoner instead of a noble. Nobles in the court are cutthroat and only interested in their own wealth and power and Aster is just sick of that. You being a commoner means that there´s a better chance for you to actually be an honest and hard-working person, something I think he would want in a partner.

If you are a commoner, you might accidentally meet him when Aster is out and visiting the city for once. As we can see in Chapter 3, he would try to hide his identity as the crown prince from you if you don´t recognize him. He much prefers you talking to him as if he was simply any other person as opposed to you bowing down before him and carefully choosing your words if you were to find out who he was. He would instruct the Kingsguard to follow him a bit more discreetly, so as not to catch your eye and to never openly acknowledge his title when in your presence. He´d hate for this casualness with you to be destroyed like that.

You two talk about your daily life and the struggles you face ( him being very careful and vague when talking about his own profession, as he doesn´t want you to find out about his rank). Even though he gives off a cheerful and exciteable impression, he is indeed listening very carefully to what you have to say and makes sure to memorize it all. He needs to know everything there is to know about you, needs to know all of your preferences and opinions.

He listens especially carefully when you mention your frustrations with the nobility, how they wield all the power and money in the world and keep it to themselves while the common folk have to slave away while worrying about if they can afford the roof above their heads this month. His gaze noticeably darkens for a moment as he hears this but it´s quickly gone when he nods his head and agrees with what you´re saying. The nobility is a blight on this land.

It´s very frustrating for Aster to hear this because he knows it´s true. His visits have shown him firsthand how bad daily life for the common folk can be. He has seen with his own eyes how the members of noble houses can get away with absolutely anything. Even the justice system protects them, all their crimes are simply swept under the rug or an innocent civilian is forced to take the fall for them. It´s atrocious and Aster is so frustrated that nothing is done about it. He wants things to change but he´s only the crown prince, he doesn´t yet have the power to change things. He needs to bide his time until he becomes king and then he will rip all these corrupt off their power.

But it´s still quite some time until then so for now, he needs to focus on what he can do while he´s still powerless.

Hearing you speak about wanting to make the world a better place for the common folk in your own way with such conviction really resonates with Aster. All his life, he´s been surrounded by vultures trying to curry favor with him for when he ascends the throne in the future. He has seen countless forced smiles and false promises but he can see in your eyes that you speak with truth and honesty. And he can´t help but really resonate with that. He likes talking with someone like-minded that doesn´t treat him differently, someone that he can be himself around.

Aster can´t help but visit the city more frequently from then on, telling his father that he has important business to attend to there as an excuse. Well, it´s not really a lie, is it? Seeking you out couldn´t be any more important to him.

You´re quite surprised by how often you seem to randomly see Aster nowadays when you hadn´t at all seen him before but maybe he just moved in recently? You don´t know that he secretly orders guards to follow you around daily to then report to him what you did all day. As much as it pains him, he can´t simply go out every single day so hearing about your day is the next best thing. This way, he also gets to learn about the things you do in your day-to-day life or the things you do when you think no one is watching. Oh, how he longs to have been there himself, just watching you! His heart yearns for you and yet his princely duties often leave him way too busy to visit you as often as he would like to. But well, at least he always knows exactly where to find you if he ever finds himself with enough free time <3

But well, there is one very simple but very big problem with this situation, aside from him being the crown prince and you a commoner. He has been in an arranged marriage for years now. Ever since they were little, Aria Steelwind, a noble of one of the four main noble houses has been promised to him. And he has never been more disgruntled by this than now.

Sure, he did respect Aria in some ways. Instead of simply living her cozy noble life, she took her own path as a prosecutor to fight for justice within the corruption that is their justice system. She´s the only prosecutor willing to arrest a noble for their crimes and yet, her actions change so very little. What a naive fool she is to think that working within the system is going to have any sort of lasting impact.

No, Aster knows better. He has seen his father having to make all sorts of compromises to not displease the nobility when introducing changes. What was left were only hollow words and small changes. Small changes would never be enough to truly change this world for the better. Aster knows that if he wants things to change, he will have to take things into his own hands

From there on out, things would go over much like in the game during case 5, which is why this is my last major spoiler warning. Please do not continue reading from here if you don´t want the game spoiled for you as I will discuss the events happening at the end here.

Alright, so. Case 5. Naturally, for the sake of continuing this headcanon post, I´ll have to change up things a bit because otherwise, Aster is a little bit too dead to continue plaguing his darling afterwards. So let´s assume that in this timeline, Aster actually gets away with his crimes for one reason or another.

He used Aria´s affection and love for him and tricked her into signing a blood contract by disguising it as a marriage license. Now, Aster has full control over her mind and body, her soul forever his to use. And he didn´t hesitate for even a moment to use her as a means to further his own goals.

It was way too easy to use the contract to control her body, forcing her to go out and kill several important nobles attending the king´s funeral while he stayed behind, creating an alibi for himself. And truly, after several witnesses saw Aria kill these pesky nobles, who would ever think the new king would have anything to do with it? He wasn´t even close to any of the crime scenes!

And of course, it´s even easier to completely erase Aria´s memories of what took place. And now that he has completely covered his tracks, no one can prove that Aster had anything to do with it.

By doing all of this, Aster has killed two birds with one stone: He has successfully killed two heads of four of the main noble houses and his fianceé is going to prison for what she has done, effectively ending their engagement. Now Aster is the one sitting on the throne with the noble houses significantly weakened without a family head to guide them, making them less of a threat to his power. Now that he has all the power, he will change the kingdom for the better.

Of course, the common folk only learn about the fact that Aster has ascended the throne with the news kindly leaving out the fact that a massacre had taken place. Still, with this new information getting out it´s almost impossible for you not to learn of Aster´s true identity. All this time, the person you had been conversing with so casually was the then-prince, now-king of this kingdom. To say you´re shocked would be an understatement. What are you supposed to do now? Oh, you can´t even begin to think about how many times you must have disrespected him by speaking to him as if he were simply any other person. Surely nobles must have some sort of rules regarding addressing people, no?

Oh, you must have embarrassed yourself thoroughly in front of him! But then again, he was very nice when he was talking to you and even enjoyed joking around. So maybe he was different? You weren´t quite sure but thinking about it that way made things easier for you.

To say you were shocked when King Aster de Wyverngarde stood in front of your door one day would be a grave understatement. You don´t know what to say or what to do, now that you know who he truly was. Are you supposed to bow down in front of him? I mean he´s the king so you probably should, right?

Aster merely sighs disappointedly when you clumsily bow down in front of him.

"There´s no need for such formalities. We´re close, right? You don´t need to bow down in front of me."

"But.. you´re the king, right? I mean, it feels weird to talk to you so normally now."

He´s quite saddened to hear this. He knew this would be how you would react if you found out the truth, it´s the very reason why he went to such lengths to prevent you from finding out.

"Don´t worry, nothing has changed between the both of us. May I take you for a walk?"

He smiles and offers his arm to you, only nodding his head and assuring you that it´s fine when you seem to hesitate. So you go along and let him lead you out of your home and into the bustling center of the city, where the streets are filled with people. Naturally, everyone gathers outside and cheers when they see the new king walking along the streets.

Aster is very well-liked by the common folk for his open and honest demeanor and his willingness to help them. Everyone has high hopes for him, believing that he will be the one to finally make things fairer for them, the one to push back against the corrupt nobles using them for their own gain. And well, in one way or another, they´re certainly right about that. Aster doesn´t hesitate when it comes to removing vultures feeding off of other´s hard work.

After getting over their initial excitement over seeing the beloved king, people begin to notice that you´re holding onto his arm as he walks you around town with a wide smile on his face and people begin whispering amongst themselves. Who are you and why are you with the prince? Judging from your clothes, you are a commoner just like them so how do you know him? And young Aster seems to be holding you awfully close, is something going on there? Everyone has heard that the engagement with Aria Steelwind fell through because she had turned out to be just as corrupt as all the other nobles, breaking Aster´s heart. Were you his new love? It would certainly be something for the king to be in love with a commoner.

You´re beginning to notice the people whispering and you get quite uncomfortable at their staring when Aster suddenly stops and turns around to face you. You almost walk right into his arms at the sudden stop, a sheepish look on your face. Aster simply smiles and takes one of your hands into his, staring right into your eyes.

And then the rug is pulled from right under your feet as Aster gets down on one knee, the crowd quickly bursting into cheers as he pulls out a small little box and presents it to you.

"My love", he begins speaking and you feel your heart plummet into your stomach. You notice that he seems to be talking quite loudly on purpose, as the crown quickly reacts to his words, growing silent as to listen carefully.

" We have known each other for a long time now. We had to hide and share our love in secret. But from this day onward, I want us to show ourselves to the rest of the world, to let them see the love and devotion we have for one another."

You´re just standing there, frozen in shock, almost incapable of processing his words. Our love? Just what was he talking about?!

"As you well know, I have gone through immense heartbreak in the past, I have had my trust and heart broken once before but with you, I want to start over. I trust you completely and vow to be by your side for all eternity if you will have me. I love you more than anything, my love. Will you give me the honor of taking me as your husband?"

The atmosphere is tense, the people around you holding their breath in anticipation but some voices still ring out from inside the crowd.

"I can´t believe it, a king proposing to a commoner! His love for them must be so strong, it´s so romantic!"

"The king is such a kind and benevolent soul, they must be overcome with happiness right now! Look, I think they´re on the verge of tears!"

"It truly is terrible what happened with his past engagement. To be betrayed like that, His Majesty must have been beside himself with grief. He deserves this new chance at love."

You hear voices ringing out all around you, and you feel completely overwhelmed, unsure of what you should do now. Everyone looks at you so expectantly, everyone is practically screaming at you to say yes and yet, that´s not what you want. You´ve never even thought about marrying Aster, to have this sprung on you so suddenly is terrifying. You feel like you´re losing your grip on yourself when you suddenly feel a squeezing feeling on your hand.

With a start, you look down to see Aster holding your hand tightly, enacting almost an excruciating amount of pressure. The look on his face is more akin to a smirk now than the soft and innocent look he had before. He knows that there´s no way you could say no under these circumstances. By dragging you out into a public area he has forced your hand to agree to his proposal.

What foolish commoner would ever reject a king? It would be a blatant show of disrespect and they would surely be shunned by their peers for being so ungrateful. Furthermore, Aster had a great reputation amongst the common folk, no one would show you any sympathy if you tried telling them that he was lying about you being in love. Who would ever believe you over the ruler of this country? If they´re being charitable they would chalk up your protests to being shy about the entire ordeal.

You´d also have to be a real monster to reject King Aster´s heartfelt declaration of love after he had already been betrayed by his past fianceé not very long ago. How could you hurt him after what he went through? Of course, no one knows what really happened with Aria, no one knows how Aster was the one who used and manipulated her. The truth had been conveniently hidden from the public and twisted to serve his own goals. After all, who would want a known murderer sitting on the throne?

And it is through all this pressure that you finally crumble, a solemn expression on your face as you mutter the word Aster had been wanting to hear you say so desperately.

"Yes", you relent.

The dark expression on his face immediately vanishes and he gets up from his kneeing position, wrapping one arm around you while using his other hand to slide the ring on your finger. This is the happiest day in his life and sooner or later, you will see this his way.

Naturally, after what you had just witnessed, the facade is gone and you no longer see Aster as an innocent and kind person only looking out for the best of others. You don´t learn about the true darkness within him and the crimes he has committed in the name of "doing what needs to be done", but you know that he can´t be fully trusted.

Aster is of course saddened by this because he wants you to love him just as much as he loves you but he figures that there´s nothing to be done about it now. You will simply grow to love him in time, there is no other option for you now. Your fate is already sealed, how would you ever get away from the king and more importantly, your fiance? You two are engaged and everyone knows about it, he made sure that the news would be spread fast. A king marrying a commoner is very unorthodox and almost scandalous but if anything, it only makes the common folk trust him even more.

Now that you´re engaged, Aster won´t let you stay at your old home anymore, he sends a carriage to immediately pick you up and take you to the castle where you will be living for the rest of your days. There, he will try to spend as much time with you as possible within his very busy schedule. He believes that sooner or later, you will come around to your new life. He understands that this must be all very shocking for you right now but he´s sure you will get used to it.

In the meantime, he will gift you anything you might ever wish for. Anything to get you accustomed to your new life by his side, anything to win back your favor after the stunt he had pulled when proposing to you.

Rest assured though that he´ll never let you wander away from him too far. You´ll spend most of your time within the castle walls and when he can´t be with you, he will still send guards to trail behind you and keep you safe while also keeping tabs on you.

He tries to be soft with you, trying really hard to gain back your trust. He quite likes holding you close, holding your hand, or kissing your cheek. It feels so romantic. This is the love he had been denied all his life, this is what he always wanted.

Naturally, he won´t let anyone interfere with your relationship. You are his and anyone that thinks differently has to be removed. He has no remorse when it comes to getting rid of any perceived rivals, though he wouldn´t get his hands dirty himself. Anyone that defies him must be removed, it´s the only way that he can build his ideal world, a world in which you are by his side forevermore.

#tyrion cuthbert attorney of the arcane #aster de wyverngarde #aster x reader #yandere x reader #male yandere x reader #yandere prince x reader #yandere king x reader #tyrion cuthbert #yandere #cw yandere #gn reader #cw stalking #cw manipulation #cw murder

[kanmom51]

JK live 3/8/2023 10:26 pm or 22:26 KST

**This post was written by @dgtn. Little me added some of my own insight. As a whole this was a joint effort put together by the two of us.

A huge thank you to @dgtn for helping me with this.💜

And a shoutout to JK for taking a couple of days off to allow us some time to try and catch up, lol.

So let's just jump right into it.

JK came live to us on 3 August 2023.  With hindsight we know that he was performing at Suga's concert the next day and the busy schedule he was talking about included rehearsing for that most enjoyable performance.

When he first turns on the live all we get is a chair, curtains, and a stove top vent. Same angle as the previous live. You know, the one I personally feel there was someone in the apartment with him. Kinda feels like we were put in time out! (some ARMY deserves to be put in time out but I digress).   Also, lights dimmed, like he likes (which once again makes me think that in the previous live when he turned them way brighter it was for someone else's benefit).

We can hear him whistling and singing in the background and getting a drink with ice.  Then he talking to himself:

“I have to take medicine!  That’s right” – he is still not feeling well.

“when do I clean my house? I’ll have to do a big cleanup”.   He’s been busy with other things, you know, conquering the world!  But of course domestic kookie places high priority on things being clean.

At around the 2 minute mark he finally comes into focus on the screen.  Typical cutie kookie, comes shuffling in wearing very cozy looking top (by one of his current fave brands, mihara Yasuhiro) with one of his signature beanies (which he takes off pretty quick after he realises, from the comments, that the beanie is same colour as the background and it looks like he has no hair - same effect as a green screen, lol).  He waves to the camera. Then he disappears again!!!!  Finally returns at around the 2 minute mark, sits down with his drink and says “hi”.

First words out of his mouth after greeting us: “I’m so tired”.  These 3 words set the tone for the whole live.  The man is exhausted!  Conquering the world requires a lot of energy.  Especially when it’s done in the span of about 10 days.  He looks absolutely toasted. Well, toasted and sick. Imagine having to do all this while sick. And suffering from insomnia to top it all off.

He stares at the camera for a while, my guess is he at first is zoned out and starts reading comments that are popping up (to himself). 

“I’m sleepy”.

“I have to wash up.”  This is I think one of the things he absolutely hates doing at the end of the day.  I get it.  I will be honest, I have had many a day that I have said fuck it I’m so tired I’m going to bed with all my make up on, only to wake up in the morning looking like a raccoon.  I feel you JK.

Almost immediately he starts dealing with the usual stupid comments.  I don’t think the man could be any clearer when he says “Don’t call me Ian”   with a slight chuckle. You know the one he does when he’s really just over it but is still trying to be polite?  Hasn’t he said this before?  Like many times.  But of course there are those who refuse to believe that he might actually really not like being called Ian because they just keep on doing it.  It’s almost as if they care more about their needs and what they want to say then about how it makes JK feel……hmmmm.  Yeah, do we really have to ask ourselves that question?  Of course they care more about their own wants and needs.  If they actually cared about JK’s needs and wants we wouldn’t be getting the “Ian” comments, or the “speak English” comments, or the “touch your nose” or “why aren’t you acknowledging my comment?” and so on and so forth.

Our ever polite JK flat out says don’t call me Ian and then it’s almost like an instant response to dial back the intensity with a little laugh.  But the message is still loud and clear.  He doesn’t like that name.

Then we get “Really” followed by him looking away from the camera in an uncomfortable way for a few moments.  Maybe he was wishing that all those stupid ass Ian comments would magically vanish.

And yet, once again ignoring his wishes later on in the live someone pulls the “Kor-Ian” joke.  Huh huh huh…

“I really want to sleep early today.  I guess I’ve been having insomnia lately.  I can’t fall asleep. I’m so sleepy, but I can’t sleep.  I can’t fall asleep.”  Our energizer bunny has never been good at falling asleep and I’m sure with his crazy schedule around the release of Seven it’s been even tougher.  Oh, and let’s not forget that when Jimin is not available that complicates things for him even more.  When you are used to sleeping with your partner next to you and then your schedule changes and doesn’t allow for that, it can be very difficult to sleep! Also, did anyone mention neuro divergent?

Next he reassures us that he ate dinner.  What are we, his parents?????  Long pause and drumming of the fingers on the table.  Seems like he is waiting for a good question to answer.  Doesn’t look like it’s going to happen so eventually he says  “I hung up lights in front”.  He’s taking charge of the conversation because he can’t count on us.

He starts talking about the TikTok Live.

How when he turned it on something weird kept popping up and can he turn it off (he’ll come back to this).

The man is tired!  He’s going to finish his drink and go to bed. 

Then he starts looking around his apartment saying it’s such a mess and he needs to clean it and throw out all the useless things.  (around 5:00 min. mark). First off, never come to my house JK cause you’d be horrified and from what we’ve seen of his place there’s not much there to throw out so I’m not really sure what he’s talking about?  There is barely anything left (it’s almost as if he’s been slowly moving things out 😊).  Well, unless if he’s talking about all the old dorm furniture, including very possibly that TV that doesn’t seem to work properly, given that sooner rather than later there will be a brand new home to be moving into, and we’ll be doing that, I must assume, not with old dorm furniture.

Now back to Tik Tok “I can’t turn it off? Then don’t send it.  Why do you send that?  Don’t send it.  No!  I can just not do it” – sounds to me like he is talking about ARMY sending him gifts during his Tik Tok lives.  He’s asking ARMY not to do that anymore and wondering why it’s being done in the first place.  And him saying he can just not do it…does that mean no more Tik Tok lives if he continues to get gifts?  People, hear the man and stop sending him gifts!!!!! 

“Everyone! The cold didn’t die out, but it came back again.  So I went to the hospital yesterday.  Colds are so severe this time around.  It’s so annoying” (said twice).  When something is important enough, he’ll repeat it even over several lives if necessary (don’t call me Ian).  JK gets distracted by the refrigerator.  He says it’s loud whenever he does a live broadcast. 

***Observation about JK.  The only one who can truly hold his attention is Jimin.  If Jimin is not there, you can guarantee he will be distracted; this includes his live.  He is easily distracted.  Well, unless JM is there, or on screen.***

He’s asked if he is resting to which he replies: “I don’t have a few days to rest. I’m busy.”  (6:20 mark)  Back to ARMY assuming the parent role…when will people realize the man is 25 years old!

JK goes back to talking about his cold. Says he’s getting stressed.

Then says “yes don’t send that on tik tok.  Buy and eat something delicious.  I don’t know how much that is.  But don’t do it (shaking his head and hand at the screen). I shouldn’t do tik tok live.

Since then I think he turned off the gift option, so perhaps that will allow for more TikTok lives in the future?

“I’m not in great condition. I just wanted to see you, so I came”.   

So, when he is not feeling well, he comes to ARMY to help him feel better.  We’ve heard that from him so many times, army are a source of comfort to him. 

He is being honest with us.  He makes a point in repeating this time and time again.  When he wants to drive in a message he tends to do that.  Tell us on repeat.  That he loves us.  That we are a source of comfort to him.  That he wants to be our friend.  That he’s not in touch with Tae.  That he has no use for his computer.  That he’s not gaming anymore.  That he’s not going to game ever again (yet to come).  Hammering in, repeating, sending a message.

And then he’s back to his house being a mess.  He says he should clean it when he has a day off as he is looking around in disappointment.  Again, don’t ever come to my house!  Also, can he not afford a cleaner?  Like seriously.

He says his house looks clean but it’s a storage room (ahm…yes?  The old dorm storage room I’d say).  It’s curious that he uses the words storage room to describe his apartment.  Why use that term? This is coming from someone who supposedly had a mattress laying in each room of his house in the past. What makes the apartment look like a storage room then? Like I said, could it be the dorm stuff being used/stored there? Yet another piece of the puzzle as to Brunnen being a temporary crash pad and not an actual HOME?

He says he has to take medicine but he’s too lazy.  Lazy is not a word I would ever use to describe JK.  Being neuro divergent myself (@dgtn), when I think of things I have to do, if it isn’t something I am excited about or want to do, it very quickly falls to the bottom of my to do list.  Sometimes even gets forgotten.

In between yawns he tells us that he went to the company today briefly because of his schedule.  And while he was there, he ate and he should’ve taken his medicine but he didn’t.  See here he says he forgot to.

Now it’s time to watch tv but sadly the network isn’t working for him.

So the house is a mess and the network is shot.  He asks what is wrong with this house?  LTE isn’t working and neither is the internet!

Now he’s going to fiddle with the tv and see if he can magically make it work.  At one point he is actually side eyeing the tv.  Maybe I should try that next time too.  The TV is still not working and now he’s getting stressed (there’s that word again).  Next thing he’s off screen talking to something asking what is wrong with you.  When all else fails…..reboot.  Still nothing, and now he starts smacking the remote on his leg. (after 4 minutes of trying).  Around 6 minutes into trying almost everything he decides the tv doesn’t work after the last rain fall and he needs to get rid of it or something with a little giggle.

Now back to ARMY.  He says thank you to ARMY for worrying about him.  He starts laughing when someone says he should drink warm water instead of iced water. He proclaims that he will always choose iced.

And now he’s back to the tv again, saying it’s the house’s fault not the tv and he’s gonna try something else.

“I get pretty determined” ….. no kidding JK!  Now where have I seen him be determined before….let me think….oh yes….Jimin!

Finally, after about 11 minutes he decides it’s useless to keep trying.

Back to ARMY again.  Now he’s making a peace sign to show that he saw a comment and then starts making bubbles in his water.

He reads “can I see the lip spike?”  Doesn’t understand what that means.

***observation.  He really really wants to spend time with ARMY but is having a hard time finding comments worth responding too.  It’s all about the friendship.  Talking with us.  Having a meaningful conversation with us.  And when he doesn’t find that in the comments, he goes to tv and that’s not working either so back it is looking through comments.

Someone is asking for an air kiss (never gave one by the way).

Someone asked about his next shoot with CK to which he responds with “I don’t know”.  Cheeky JK then laughs and says “do you think I would tell you that?”  So there are limits to what JK will share with ARMY!  Good for him, start putting those boundaries in place!!!!!  “There are confidential things” – in other words I’m not going to tell you so back the fuck off!!!!

He reads that his voice makes someone sleepy to which he laughs and says it might be because he speaks so monotonously…. Ok JK, go ahead and sell yourself short.

He called out someone for asking him to infect them. To which he responds, “that is not okay”.  His polite way of saying That is seriously messed up.  Who says things like this! That may actually be the cringiest comment in this whole live.  People have zero boundaries. 

He wants to sing for us but he is not in great condition and he says he is sorry (always thinking of ARMY’s feelings).

“Bunny” he pauses with a little smirk after reading that.  My guess is he still likes his nickname.

What to do next since the tv isn’t working.  He wants to do something fun with ARMY and it’s pretty obvious he’s bored with all the stupid comments. 

He says the house is ridiculous cause nothing works … sounds like he might be used to being somewhere where everything does work…

He says he can’t fall asleep with us on this live because he needs to wash up.

Now we have JK personal trainer answering questions about diet and exercise. 

“I’m on a diet lately.  What’s the best exercise? Cardio is good for diets. But if…if you run to much it’s bad on your knees.  It could be too much.  There are cardio exercises that are less harsh on your knees.” He makes a rowing motion with his arms and says this is good.  My guess is he is talking about an elliptical machine.  “In the house, there’s the one where you grab on and the arms and legs go together, right?” Was this a slip of the tongue?  Which house? Whose house? Or did he mean the gym?  Yeah, not buying the last one, and we saw that he doesn’t have an elliptic at Brunnan.  I’m going with slip of the tongue.  Same slip of the tongue that RM had in their LA live back way when he was talking about the café they have next to their home.  All signs are pointing at a certain home of which we only got to see the gaming room and part of the lounge room…

Well, at least that was more interesting than the Ian jokes or the “infect me” comment… Also, maybe if I had JK as a personal trainer I’d actually be excited to go to the gym regularly.  Well, that after being totally ashamed of the state I’m in to start with…

“We’re family” comment.  He replies with a hmmm. And a small head shake.

Family, friends, all good. Just as long as it’s not bf or husband.  Oh, and not oppa either.  Yuck.

And back to the issue of the tv again.  It seems someone asked him why it doesn’t work.  He talks about being in the mountains so Wi-Fi doesn’t consistently work.  And he fought with the Wi-Fi ahead of time today because he knew he was going to be doing the live. (was this planned?  Knowing he’s in Brunnen alone and going live for army?)  He talks about turning over the house once (I’m thinking he means turning it over once and for all and being done with it) he says it’s too stressful and he can’t live this way.

On to the Seven CD cover and the words overlapping.  He says it’s for real and on purpose.

Comments he’s reading:

I haven’t been working out much lately.

Even if I wanted to, he can’t listen to much music right now so what do I do?

He asks what does “air kiss” mean? Now we get flirty JK.  He says it’s not a hand kiss and asks if its’ this and shows a kiss. (around 29 minute mark).  Then he laughs and says “Do you like that.  Isn’t talking like this better?”   Naughty JK!!!

Now he’s wondering if an air kiss is in fact a whistle!  Then he finally figures it out!  A kiss with your hand to your mouth!  “That’s Jin’s signature!” (30 minute mark)

“I can’t sing cause I have a sore throat” … all in English.  He actually says cause, but it’s translated as because.  I love how he very properly uses English slang by saying “cause” instead of “because”. 😊

Remember when I talked about the gaming and said “yet to come”?  Well here we are, once again with the computer.  He’s asked if he sold his computer as he had mentioned he was going to do on a previous live.  He’s not going to sell it, just get rid of it.  He doesn’t use it anymore, just uses a laptop for work.  He says he’s never going to play games. 

***observation…was that his way of telling us he does not game with Tae and/or the woogas anymore?????  First time he said he’s not using his computer anymore my thought was, well he’s gaming at JM’s.  But this here, it’s the second time he’s said he’s not playing games anymore, and this time it’s with an exclamation mark.  NEVER.  And do we remember what we said about him repeating messages he wants to get through?  Hammering them in.  Repeating them. Yep.  Interesting.

And today, after the premiere crap yesterday it is making even more sense. JK was invited to that premiere. JK did not show at the premiere. JK could have had a schedule that prevented him from going, that is true. Could have also 'missed' it intentionally. Not wanting to show up at the premiere. A choice made. Just like the choices made answering the Tae comments setting people straight or the choice to repeat he's not gaming anymore.

Topic of religion:

“I don’t have a religion.  They’re Christian on my dad’s side. And Buddhist on my mom’s side.  There was nothing like that since my time.  Nothing was forced either.  That’s why I have no religion.” 

“They’re Christian on my dad’s side.” – as in his dad family, but most likely not his dad.  He’d say his dad is Christian, not use that wording about his dad’s family. Same with his mom.  Parents simply must not be religious, hence the home not being religious either way.

*** Was this his way of debunking the bullshit rumors about him and Yubi?  I applaud you JK!!!

He tells people if they are hungry during the live broadcast to go ahead and eat!! 

***observation: Why are people constantly asking him for his permission to do things!!!! Maybe because he asks them if he can go to the loo as well?  Lol.

Now he’s talking about his jacket asking ARMY if they like it.  He says he’s been wearing it a lot lately and there is a long and short version of it.  He wore the short sleeve version when he did the dance challenge with Mingyu.  He goes on to say he should’ve bought several of them!

Ok, so we know it’s a brand he’s been wearing lately.  JM as well.  We also know that JK has the tendency to buy multiples of things he likes.  Hint to bf to buy in multiples next time?  Lol.

Now the album:

He’s not sure when it’ll come out. (34:30 mark) He’s got to try something…. Curious!!!

Someone says they had a nice dream about him and his response: “really”.  That’s it, nothing else.  I felt like this was his way of acknowledging the comment and then dismissing it.  Again … Kinda cringey.

He’s asked about a new hobby, and he says he doesn’t have any but then he decides live broadcasts are his hobby. (around 35:00 minute mark)

***Observation.  He is SO damn tired at this point.  You can tell he is fading and needs to go to sleep.

His current favorite food is Perilla oil makguksu (buckwheat noodles).  They always turn out good for him! The colder the better! (36:00 mark)

He won first place again!  Thank you!  Our always gracious JK bows his head and says thank you twice.  And a third time 😊

Now we get someone saying that they can’t understand his live because they don’t speak Korean.  (38:46 mark). Good lord, here we go again…His response in a nutshell…it’s hard for him to understand English so perhaps we can both study the languages and learn together.  “Let’s all study.  You should study Korean.  Our Korean, please study it.  It’s also tough for me.  How frustrated must I be as well? Try starting Korean!”

***Observation:  This man is so done with all this speak English bullshit.  He is Korean!!  That is his native language.  He is learning English but would love for people to meet him halfway.  You know that mutual respect that he has been talking about more recently.  That respect that he is looking for from ARMY.

So now we’ve come to that point.  He wasn’t intending on doing the live for that long.

Sleeping for him is hard, he will close his eyes for about 4 hours and fidget the whole time.  He’s going to go wash up and if he wakes up, he’ll come back.  But don’t wait up for him!!!!

Well, I guess he fell asleep cause he did not come back live again that night 😊

Before I end this let's talk about the necklace a second here. It's dark and the video quality is not great to say the least, but he is wearing the necklace with the ring, and it does look like the same one he's wearing in his live the next night (or morning after next night, depending on your pov, lol). And although the chain seems to be different than JM's in Like crazy, that ring, it looks pretty identical. Anyway, something that will be discussed in next post about next live, which I have not yet gone to see, because I really need to brace myself for that 2.5 hr. live (silently crying inside).

And to think that feeling this way JK went on stage the next day and performed with Yoongi. And to top it all he was so hard on himself for forgetting some of Burn it lyrics. I do hope that he is allowing himself some time to rest and heal at the moment. Probably not. But here's hoping.

#Jungkook #JK #JK live #Here's to a joint venture

[depravitycentral]

Yandere! Nobunaga Hazama General Profile

Yandere! Nobunaga Hazama x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, violence, murder, stalking, infantilization, mentions of non-con, mentions of masturbation, mentions of nonconsensual affection, Nobunaga breaks your ankles, Nobunaga is creepy and gross and perpetually horny, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy! 

DARLING PROFILE:

Stubborn

In general, Nobunaga likes a fiery darling. There’s something incredibly endearing about the way they get this glint in their eye, the way they refuse to back down from a challenge or a belief.

He likes how spirited they are, and frankly this is what initially catches his attention – his darling has to have spunk of some kind, and while he doesn’t see it this way, there’s a part of him that wants to bend that stubbornness, to make his darling stubborn and hardheaded for everyone except him.

He wants to be the sole person they agree with, lovingly gazing at him and nodding at every little thing he says. He likes the idea of he and his darling being a team, being totally, completely in sync, and so while eh initially does enjoy this facet to their personality, if they show too much when they’re trapped with him in their new ‘home’, Nobunaga isn’t especially pleased.

He does, in general, want to be the exception to everything for his darling – he wants to be treated differently, specially, as his darling’s one and only confidant. And so, Nobunaga loves this about his darling – the more passionate they are about their beliefs and opinions, the better.

Just don’t be getting too many ideas about refusing him or what he believes – you can be stubborn, but not to him.

Confident

Similarly to being stubborn, a confident darling is an attraction to Nobunaga, but only to a certain degree.

He likes someone who is sure of themselves, but some sick part of him wants his darling to have this need for validation from others, to yearn for someone to compliment them and tell them they’re enough. Maybe it’s a projection of his own feelings – he himself needs someone to validate him, to supply him with love and sweet words to quell any insecurities he has, and he likes the idea of his darling filling that void for him.

He wants to fulfill his darling’s needs, and for them to fulfill his own, and so to have a darling who is outwardly confident but secretly needs him would be perfect.

Just the idea alone is enough to get his heart (and cock) swelling, a sense of pride settling in his chest because his darling obviously needs him.

They need him to function and feel good about themselves, because he can offer them something no one else can – honest, genuine love, and he’ll give them everything he’s got and more.

So much more.

Honest

Nobunaga doesn’t tolerate liars. Despite being a criminal, a mass murderer, a monster, he likes to think he has some semblance of a moral code, and lying goes directly against the shambled morality he has left. And so, a darling who only tells the truth aside from a white lie here or there would be perfect for him.

He likes the idea that his darling will never deceive him, that he’ll only ever get the honest truth from them. It’s a comfort, something that settles the raging possessiveness he feels for them; he likes that if he were to ever ask, he knows his darling would honestly tell him if another man was bothering them, if the man spoke to them, hurt them, touched them.

He makes him feel secure that his darling would never lie to him, but Nobunaga is nothing if not hypocritical; when it comes to him, his darling really can’t tell the truth unless they want to be ignored, condescendingly dismissed, even treated as if they’re lying.

He can’t believe his darling when they say they don’t love him, if only because it can’t possibly be true. He can’t believe them when they say they don’t want to spend the rest of their life with him, if only because he knows for a fact that you do, he’s sure of it.

He doesn’t like it when his darling ‘lies’ to him like this, so it’s best to just say what he wants to hear – tell him he’s handsome, that you love him, that of course, you want to sleep with him, and he’ll be all sunshine and smiles, giving you that warbly grin while he exhales shakily and traces your lips with his finger.

You’re just so perfect, after all.

Homebody

It’s not that Nobunaga would dislike someone who is more active and often out of the house – he doesn’t mind too terribly much.

 Rather, it’s the consequences of his darling being more inclined to stay home; it means they come into contact with others less, being in their presence less, having less interaction with men.

Nobunaga enjoys this specific trait because it feeds his possessiveness. He knows his darling doesn’t meet men very often, meaning they aren’t talking to anyone in a romantic sense and therefore aren’t getting their heart stolen away by some irrelevant civilian, someone who could never offer them as much protection and devotion as the swordsman can.

He likes knowing that they aren’t out there showing off to strangers, that they really only leave the house when absolutely necessary. It limits the chances of them getting hurt, of them catching someone’s eye, of them doing anything, really. It’s a comfort to him, and it’ll make the transition to living with him so much easier.

After all, his darling won’t be allowed outside of the house (why would they ever want to leave?) nor will they be allowed to interact with anyone besides himself and possibly a few Troupe members (why would they want any other people in their life?).

He’s fully convinced that his darling being a homebody is a sign that they’re soulmates, perfect for one another in every way. It must be fate; what else could explain the draw he feels towards them, the unbridled yearning and desperation that makes his chest ache every time they aren’t in his line of sight?

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Delusional

Nobunaga is, for a like of a better term, completely out of touch with reality where your relationship is concerned.

His views on the world and morality are already skewed, what with being in the Troupe and regularly murdering others, but at some point over the years of violence and adrenaline, a few screws too many have gotten loose in his head. His conscience is all but gone - the connections and the little voice in the back of his head narrating his days and feelings going silent.

His days are full of death and comradery with his fellow Spiders (though that list is almost entirely exclusive to Uvogin), and so once you walk into his life, someone lovely and warm and beautiful and perfect for him in every way, suddenly his world is shifting focus. His already warped sense of reality comes to light as he begins realizing how wonderful you are, how happy you make him, how badly you need him.

Nobunaga is of the genuine belief that as his feelings for you grow, so do yours as well – the concept that you aren’t as madly, deeply in love as him is something that doesn’t even cross the swordsman’s mind.

There’s simply no way that you could ever not be as utterly obsessed as he is, that you couldn’t be as happy and giddy when you’re around him, that you don’t want to spend every waking moment of the rest of your life wrapped in his arms, the slightly scratchy fabric of his kimono rubbing against your skin as he kisses you and whispers into your ear that he loves you, you’re so damn perfect and every inch of you is mine.

He truly, honestly believes that the feelings brewing in his chest for you as just as readily and intensely returned by you, and as time goes on this belief will only further. Nobunaga has a rather nasty habit of blowing absolutely everything you say, do, think, and feel way out of proportion, reading into everything he possibly can to search for what it could mean, to morph it into some declaration of your love for him, some sign that you want him to take you way, that you want him him him.

He’s never been the absolute brightest, but when he’s around you (with or without your knowledge), it’s almost unconscious the way he notices every little thing about you. He’s wondering if you’re reading through your old text conversations with him when you’re dinking around on your phone (just the thought makes him giddy, because he regularly spends hours pouring through every single text you’ve sent, analyzing and imagining your voice speaking the words instead, sighing like some lovestruck teenage girl as he imagines the way you must be glued to your phone, eagerly awaiting his responses because you just can’t stand a second without him).

He’s wondering whether you’re wishing he could be the one to shave your perfect body for you when you’re humming to yourself in the hot shower (it terrifies the living shit out of him to see you with a razor, if only because he’s so scared that you’ll hurt yourself, that you’ll slice something open and bleed and die and he won’t be there to save you, but if he were the one wielding the sharp object, then the samurai wouldn’t mind so much. After all, getting to run his hands over the expanse of your calves, kissing the freshly smoothed skin, sending a teasing lick to the arch of your ankle as the odd after flavor of the shaving cream dances on his tongue is enough to get him shivering, pink staining his cheeks as he gulps harshly, the fabric of his kimono doing very little to hide the steadily growing bulge below the belt).

He reads into everything, believing each little action you make is a cry for his attention, like you want him to be thinking of you, looking at you and dreaming of you, and in a lot of ways Nobunaga finds that incredibly endearing, how someone so sweet and precious like you could have such naughty intentions.

(Especially where your more intimate moments are concerned – you’re changing out of your work clothes and into your casual, relaxing clothes? Obviously you must want him to be staring from outside the window, your supple curves looking drool worthy as you move in ways he’s sure are designed to seduce him, your hips swaying and ass presented oh so perfectly as you dig through your drawers, the oversized sweatshirt just barely covering your upper thighs that would fit oh so perfectly around his head…)

And even once he’s stolen you away, permanently relocated you so that you stay by his side for the rest of your life, the delusions won’t stop. If anything, they become stronger, because he knows you must be happy with him, that your tears and screaming are just you trying to express how happy you are, how overjoyed and overwhelmed you are that someone cares so deeply for you that they’re willing to go this far for you, and can he really blame you? Can he blame you for being ecstatic to be with him?

(Your desperate pleas and begs for him to please let me go, I promise I won’t tell anyone, please I can’t stay here forever are certainly convincing, but you’ve always been such a little minx, a good actor, talented at seducing him to get exactly what you want, and oh baby, shhh, stop crying, Daddy knows what you need – shh, shh, it’s okay, he’s got you, just slip those cute little panties to the side and I’ll make it all better…)

He’s in too deep, and no matter how hard you fight, cry, scream, kick, or even try to ignore him, Nobunaga will just never learn – how can he, when he truly, honestly believes that he’s right?

How can he even entertain the notion that you’re unhappy when you’re made for him? 

Patronizing

In a lot of ways, Nobunaga views you as having the abilities of a baby. Of course, he’s more than aware that you’re a grown woman, an adult with a dignified, captivating personality, a body worthy of worship and certainly worthy of nights with just his hand and imagination to work with, but he’s also more than aware of all the areas you don’t quite seem capable enough to deal with yourself.

You’re weak to him, incredibly so, fragile and dainty and in such desperate need of protection that it’s almost laughable. If he wasn’t so head over heels for you, he might even find you pathetic, your survival skills dismal at best. 

But he is just that in love with you, and so Nobunaga has absolutely no problem with rising to the occasion, of answering your non-existent cries for help, for a big, strong man to come care for you the way you need, the way you deserve.

Because of his more extreme views of you genuinely needing him in order to survive and function, quickly his tendencies towards treating you like a helpless little thing will become apparent – this specific trait really only applies once he’s kidnapped you, but even before you’ve been relocated to the small house he buys for the both of you to share (under an alias and in a very, very small town of course), he’s making preparations for how to give you the care you need.

He’s investing in the softest sheets money can buy (or that he can find to steal), pillows make for children who move a lot in their sleep, a humidifier in the shape of a cute little panda to keep your breathing healthy and your skin soft and glowy.

He’s buying a booster seat and removing the straps and belts, attaching them to the kitchen chairs to make sure you don’t fall off, especially when you’re throwing one of your tantrums and claiming you won’t eat what he’s serving you. (This always hurts him, because he’s spent hours learning to cook just for you, trying his hand at sautéing and marinating, only to discover he’s very, very incompetent in the kitchen – aside from chopping, that is.)

It’s exciting, in all honesty, to prepare for your eventual living with him, and he spends an awful lot of time furnishing and setting up your shared future bedroom. (It’s all pastel colors – pinks and blues and yellows, walls covered in pictures he finds especially cute of you, ranging from you drooling in your sleep to you pulling a pan of cookies out of the oven to you curled up in a thick blanket with popcorn and a movie on before you. He thinks it lightens the mood of the space, and the photoshopping that he convinced Shalnark to undergo in which Nobunaga himself is beside you in each is extremely, extremely pleasing to look at)

It’s difficult to contain the anticipation, the readiness he feels in throes for your eventual arrival. And once you have arrived, the patronizing nature of his actions and words towards you will quickly begin to feel suffocating – you’re given most of your rights towards the beginning, though it’s still dehumanizing, humiliating, terrible to have him cheering you on as you finish the dinner he cooked for you, to have him holding your hand and telling you a story so that you won’t have nightmares, to have him looking at you with smoldering eyes when you tell him your head hurts as he growls out something about orgasms help with the pain, don’t you know?

(It’s humiliating, if only because the food is so very burnt, the story is of him and embellished greatly to impress you, and he’s very, very quick to pounce on you with greedy hands ripping open your nightshirt and feverishly pinching at your nipples and groaning -)

You’re given most of your rights as compared to what he could possibly take away from you, but as your time with him goes on, soon those rights will become more and more limited, the number of things you’ll be allowed to do by yourself or even at all dwindling to a mere single digit percentage of what you were allotted at the beginning of your captivity.

The reason behind this is mostly out of your perceived disobedience towards him, something that Nobunaga is extremely sensitive about – the second you act out, whether it be yelling and screaming at him or simply refusing to eat the last spoonful of soup, Nobunaga’s face is darkening, a heavy sigh and a mumble of why do you always have to be so difficult tumbling past his lips.

He’ll haul you to the shower, holding you still while he scrubs and washes your body, because he needs to properly clean you, and maybe then you’ll realize just how well he takes care of you, how you’d be lost and dirty and filthy without him.

Life with him is just honestly infuriating – when you want to watch a movie with him, Nobunaga will jump at the chance, snuggling in next to you and inhaling the scent of your hair over and over as the movie plays across the television screen (only PG-13 movies, though – he’s too scared the violence, cursing or sex will taint your mind or scare).

When you want to read a book, Nobunaga is tsking and grabbing it out of your hands, insisting on reading it to you because the words will hurt your eyes and your head, and he would never want that.

It’s irritating and humiliating, but the worst part of the whole ordeal is how Nobunaga doesn’t even seem to realize that – he’s smiling that big, dopey smile the whole time, a blush on his cheeks as he takes in your beauty, pure excitement and adoration washing through him when he sees you looking so cute in your frilly, ruffled clothing, looking up at him while he coos down at you.

It’ll be terrible, he’ll be terrible, but at least he’s not doing it to fuck with you, right?

He’s not doing it to purposefully belittle you, and that should count for something at least, right?

Right?

Possessive

Nobunaga has never been the luckiest with women. Maybe it’s to do with his less than stellar hygiene, or maybe his criminal status, or maybe it’s just him - but regardless he’s never really had a long term, serious relationship. Not that he’s minded much, as being an internationally known member of a notorious criminal group doesn’t really lend much time and flexibility towards a personal life.

But as time passes on Nobunaga gets increasingly more curious about what it would be like to have someone, a woman to call his own, a girl all for him… It’s a far off idea and thought, as the Spider obviously comes first now and always, but once he finds someone perfect, wonderful, everything he’s been dreaming of and more, how could he possibly let you slip through his fingers? How could he let you go, when you seem to call to him on such a deep, carnal level, like some long lost connection of himself?

He gets attached pretty quickly, only really taking a few genuine compliments from you, a smile and an endearing laugh at a joke or two, partnered with your features and figure that he finds very, very attractive.

Once Nobunaga decides that the feelings brewing in his chest are real, meaningful, desperate, that long-time curiosity comes to fruition, because you’ve effectively become completely and utterly his. He’s normally not the most materialistic man in the world (though to a certain extent, if only because his job is professionally stealing, which brings a certain level of awareness for worldly goods), but suddenly there’s one possession in his care that he absolutely refuses to share, something that must be and remain his for the rest of his days, for the rest of his life – you.

And so, now that you’ve been claimed by the samurai (without your knowledge for the most part, though he’s not the best of hiding his intentions), you’ll have to deal with the consequences.

He gets jealous insanely quickly, seeing every man in a fifty foot radius of you as a threat, assuming that everyone else wants you just as badly as he does, that they’ll stop at nothing to get you, to take you away from him, to separate the two of you so that he’ll be alone and without you and god, Nobunaga doesn’t know if he could take that, if he could live without you, his light and stars and moon and love and –

His jealousy is nothing to sneeze at, if only because he’s a bit trigger happy, and once he feels that someone has threatened his darling in any way (or even if they haven’t, really), they must immediately be eliminated, not given the chance to even attempt to manipulate you into leaving Nobunaga, your true soulmate.

And while he won’t kill in front of you, as he’s too worried the violence will scare you or traumatize you (something that might actually be true, standing out alone against the thousands of other assumptions he makes about you that are anything but), Nobunaga isn’t exactly smooth with concealing his more possessive behavior, of playing off the way he doesn’t want anyone or anything looking at you, thinking of you, even being aware of your existence.

It’s in part to do with the fact that he genuinely believes that you want him and think of yourself as his property as well, but the reality is that any time the both of you are in the same vicinity, he’ll be making comments that’ll have you furrowing your brows, confusion dancing through your chest as clarifying questions sit on the tip of your tongue about what he means, why he’s saying that, what he could possibly be insinuating when he says tch, bastard, thinking he’s worthy of even looking at my woman, fucking pervert’s probably eye-fucking her, like she’s not standing right here right next to her man.

His actions, too, will leave you wondering, your stumbled steps uneven as he charges in front of you, pushing you behind him with a hand resting on the hilt of his sword, a menacing glare at the man who came up to you, a growled leave her alone being the only warning he’ll get before he’s forced to the ground with Nobunaga’s heel digging into his windpipe, a look of disdain and pure rage meeting the terrified man’s gaze.

So really, between the odd, concerning comments about how you belong to him and are made for him, and his rather abrupt, violent way of physically covering you and creating a border between you and the world, things will slowly become apparent at what’s really going on. You’ll slowly start to realize that he seems to believe that there’s something between you that there really, really isn’t.

Too bad you don’t know the severity and depth of his feelings, or maybe you’d be able to save yourself from a lifetime of unwanted affection, humiliation, suffocation, and sweet, sweet acceptance.

Although, even if you knew, would you really have been able to stop someone so dedicated, deluded, desperate?

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Nobunaga’s jealousy trigger is really quite loose – it’s infuriatingly easy to get him feeling threatened, to have him gritting his teeth and pulling you close, irritation and rage at the world for even trying to separate the both of you, to come between your so obviously perfect love.

He genuinely sees every male you interact with as a threat, as a potential rival for your love and attention and devotion, and call it a result of being in the Troupe for so long or just simply his nature, but where he sees someone as a problem, there’s little to no hesitation in cutting them down, in eliminating them.

He genuinely has no patience regarding you being in the presence and minds of other men, simply because he full heartedly sees you as his property, his woman, his property and love and belonging, and while he has certain moments of leniency, Nobunaga isn’t known for his generosity.

As such, the second that he feels another man is holding even a sliver of interest for you, his every nerve is on fire, dark eyes narrowing as rage and anxiety swim through his veins, his grip on the hilt of his sword tightening so much that his knuckles turn white.

His eyes are always on you, his every moment outside of Troupe work spent watching you (or, as he likes to put it, watching over you, as if he’s some guardian angel or your protector or in it for literally anything but the chance to see you in your panties when you think you’re alone in the quasi-safety of your home), and because of this Nobunaga feels as if he has a good idea of who is trying to get catch your attention, men he needs to keep an eye on and make sure don’t approach you or steal away your love from him.

It makes him feel good, in a sense, to have such control over your life, to be the one dictating which men can and can’t speak to you, to be the one metaphorically standing between you and the world, protecting you just like the sweet, innocent, weak little thing you are.

Of course, it makes him feel like he’s being a real partner when he does this, but the anger that he feels brewing in his chest with each one-over a man gives you feels suffocating, the rage boiling in his heart making him lightheaded and seeing red, anything to get the man’s blood staining the freshly washed indigo of his kimono.

He feels responsible, as if he’s the only one who really knows what you and want and what you need, and when he sees so many men trying to come in between you and the only one who actually knows the real you, Nobunaga is simultaneously enraged and flabbergasted. Because honestly, can’t these men see that you’re already claimed, that you’re already hopelessly in love with Nobunaga himself?

 He’s confused, but he’s too pissed to really consider why those men don’t seem to recognize that you’re already taken, why they don’t seem to understand that Nobunaga Hazama owns every part of you, that you’re wholly and completely his fucking property.

They don’t seem to get it, but it’s not such a big deal – after all, when their head is sliced off and rolling away from the still fresh body, does anything they thought really matter?

When those dark eyes spot the man sitting across from you in the outside plaza giving you a not-so-subtle glance from head to toe, immediately he’s scowling, shoulders drawing taught as his brows draw tight. Who does he think he is?

He’s watching like a hawk, barely blinking as the man takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly before standing up and smoothing down the front of his dress shirt, evidently nervous as he begins walking towards your seated figure.

Nobunaga’s eye twitches as he glowers, his position at a nearby table giving him the perfect view to see the way the man makes a beeline towards you, closing the distance with every step and forcing Nobunaga’s heart up into his throat, sudden anger and worry washing through him. His chair scratches rather loudly against the cobblestone ground, the samurai on his feet in an instant and scrambling across the plaza to get to you, stopping in a flurry of motion that has you blinking confusedly up at him while a gust of dust flies out from behind his still figure.

You’re confused, not sure where this man suddenly appeared from, but before you can ask any questions or give the man a piece of your mind for kicking dust up into the pastry you’d been thoroughly enjoying, suddenly the man is hunching over, his hand clasping over what you know recognize to be the hilt of a sword?

Your confusion grows even more as he growls out a what the hell do you think you’re doing towards a stranger some ten feet away from you, a blond man who looks mortified and terrified at the raw animosity radiating off of the dark-haired man in front of you.

It’s silent for a moment, before you open your mouth and begin to ask what in the hell is going on, but the dark haired man turns his head, the exposed stubble and the odd warmth of those chocolate eyes fixating on you as he smiles softly, a rather familiar shh, don’t worry baby, keep eating, I’ll take care of it making your expression morph into one of disbelief, the audacity of this stranger being so familiar and strange shocking you for a second too long.

Soon the blond man is waving his hands in apology, a stuttered I-I didn’t know she was already taken, I’m sorry man making you splutter, standing up from your chair.

Nobunaga’s brow twitches as he grips the hilt of his sword, whipping it out in one quick motion and making the blond shrink back, wincing and visibly sweating in nervousness. You grab at the man’s kimono, intending to talk some sense into him, but before you get the chance he’s stiffening up, the feeling of your hand against his kimono making his whole body shudder, brown eyes rolling to the back of his head.

He turns around, Adam’s Apple bobbing harshly as his dilated eyes hazily focus in on you, jaw clenched tightly. Not now babe, I’m busy, but later… later we can do whatever you want, princess.

You recoil, face twisting up in disgust as he turns back around, lunging at the man who screams and scrambles backward, onlookers staring with wide eyes and dropped jaws. Get the fuck out of here, don’t ever come near her again or I swear to god I’ll slice you up into a thousand pieces and feed you to the neighborhood dogs. Clear?

The blond man nods frantically, gulping and stumbling backward over his own feet, and Nobunaga can only spit on the ground and sheath his sword, turning his back on the blond man who whirls around and sprints away.

You stare at Nobunaga, eyes wide in confusion and fear, but the second that brown gaze meets you, all traces of rage and fury have disappeared, instead replaced with worry and concern and a disturbing amount of fondness.

He rushes forward, grasping your hands in his bony fingers, grip tight enough to have you freezing up, not sure of what to say as he examines your hands, studying every detail in earnest. You should be more careful, the outside world is dangerous baby, you shouldn’t be out here with all this filth.

You’re not sure what’s happening as he guides you to sit back down, moving the pastry up to your mouth and forcing you to bite – effectively feeding you – before grinning dreamily and leaning down to press a much too heated kiss against your forehead.

(You force yourself to pretend to ignore the light groan that accompanies his kiss.)

 You aren’t sure what’s happening, but as he tells you a rather ominous see you later, babygirl and leaves in a flash, you’ll be too shocked to do anything but stare at the now empty space previously occupied by his body.

And as he slices the neck of the blond man who dared try to approach you later that night, Nobunaga can only dreamily sigh, staring down at his hands that had touched your own, held your beautiful hands and felt your soft skin with loving eyes, bringing them up to his trembling lips to lick and kiss, eyes rolling to the back of his head because god, how can just the trace remains of you taste like heaven?

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Nobunaga is honestly quite quick to steal you away; because of his more delusional mindset of how you feel towards him and what your relationship really is, his self control and patience are quite low when it comes to you.

He sees you as just as utterly and madly in love as he is, just as desperately and pathetically in need of him as he is you that it just makes sense for him to hold that chloroform soaked rag over your sleeping lips, to feel your body go limp in his grasp as he lowly moans and clutches you tighter against his chest.

(The straining cock trapped in his kimono makes it difficult to focus on anything other than the fact that it would be just so easy to slide those panties to the side, to finally feel that warm and velvety cunt clenching down on him like a goddamn vice…) But he steels himself, instead carrying you towards the little, modest house he’d bought for the both of you in a tiny, rural town a few cities over.

He feels justified in stealing you away, not an ounce of doubt or guilt settling into his stomach throughout the planning process and throughout the actual procedure – you love him just as much as he does you, so won’t you be glad to learn that you’re finally getting to become really his, that your relationship is finally getting to really start?

You were playing hard to get before, acting so oblivious to his presence, pretending like you didn’t know he was there watching and wanting you, standing guard outside your bedroom door only to join you in bed once you’d fully fallen asleep, but now you don’t have to pretend anymore.

You don’t have to try and pretend like you don’t worship him as he does you.

You don’t have to try and keep his attention on you by acting like a silly little girl and not picking up on any of the obvious signs left around your apartment and life of his presence (the long hairs of his on the shower walls had to have been noticed by you, as the way they’d appear at times when you hadn’t showered recently must’ve been suspect, just as the strange additions of mysterious jars in your refrigerator must have tipped you off to someone taking the time and care to add to your culinary palette and diet).

 He’s just so excited – he’s known from basically the beginning that he’d be kidnapping you, relocating you to a shared home with him where he can keep an eye on you and take care of you, love you and give you the life he knows you want and need and deserve.

And Nobunaga, for all his faults, is a man of his word – so when you wake up in a strange bedroom and a pile of stuffed teddy bears and bunny rabbits a few feet high sitting at the end of the bed, the dark haired man giddily staring at you from the doorway, things will slowly become more and more normal to you, familiar despite your numerous, loud and desperate complaints.

Essentially, once Nobunaga decides that you’re his, his obsession forming so strongly and irrevocably, your destiny as his captee is set in stone – and good fucking luck leaving, because Nobunaga will never leave you a moment of peace, and unless you want to be dehumanized even more (perhaps you need someone to use the bathroom with you from now on, or to spoon feed you meals and dress you and brush your pretty hair and bathe you), you’d better accept your life with him.

After all, you don’t really have a choice. 

As a captor, Nobunaga is, more than anything, absolutely suffocating. He’s always there, those dark eyes watching your every move, glistening with excitement and adoration and desire, to the point where you’ll eventually stop noticing, the hairs standing up on the back of your neck feeling normal and common place.

He’s similar to a hawk in many ways; he’s analyzing everything you do, staring and waiting and predicting your movements, already there and prepared with what you need before you can even think to ask. He wants to be your provider, to be the man you depend on, the man you need, and because of this he’s doing everything in his power to make you think of him that way, to force the idea of him caring for you to become something you honestly believe.

He’s supplying the small home with all of your favorite foods (though, as time passes he becomes less and less likely to let you eat them, if only because they’re just so unhealthy, and he can’t have his precious baby destroying her body like that), keeping dozens of pillows and blankets on hand for you (all with colors and patterns that are just so cute; little flowers and tie-dies and lots of purples the same shade as his kimonos), and wonderful smelling shampoos and body washes (all fruity scents, because he likes when you smell so sweet, so damn delicious that he just wants to take a bite of you and taste you).

He’s fixated on this concept of being your big, strong provider, a true man in the relationship that cares for his sweet, weak woman, in return for your undying love and affection towards him. And really, that is exactly what Nobunaga expects from you – he expects you to act like a happy girlfriend, as if you’re just as hopelessly obsessed with him as he is you, and he will be demanding this treatment from you.

Very early on he’s expecting you to get physical with him; his cold fingers are always sneaking between yours, clutching onto your hand so tightly you can’t feel your fingertips. He’s wrapping his arms around you constantly, hugging you and pressing every inch of his body against you, leaving absolutely no space for air between you.

(He especially likes to hug you from behind, elbows pressed against your waist, and resting his chin on your head or shoulder – and, if you’re unlucky enough, something rather insistent and throbbing pressed into your ass, begging for your attention.)

He’s kissing you within a month of you being trapped with him, thin lips pressing against your own with much too much passion, his eyes fluttering closed and hands eagerly clutching at you to pull you ever closer.

He’s forcing you to cuddle with him, situating you so that your face is against his chest, one leg thrown over his pelvis, your hair tickling his nose and he deeply, deeply inhales, whispering a soft goodnight to you and cheekily telling you to dream of me baby, and tell me all about it in the morning.

And, of course, he’s not especially receptive to you denying him of any sort of attention – particularly physical attention. (Heaven forbid if you refuse to hug him or let him cuddle you – you will be forced, because although he’s tall and lanky, he’s much stronger than he appears, and you will be no match for his force. And god, if you refuse him when he’s got you on your knees in front of him, a hand reaching into his kimono to pull out his cock, already bright red and dripping precum? Well, he doesn’t like throatfucking you, but you obviously need to be taught a lesson.)

He’s just needy, desperate for you in every possible way, and your tolerance of him will come on disturbingly quickly. You’ll hate him at first, passionately and vehemently, but the longer you’re with him the more your fight will die out, if only because your hope dies alongside it, the knowledge that you’re stuck with him forever lowly settling in your chest.

You’ll grow complacent, maybe even learning to enjoy the way he coddles you, the way he smiles so fondly at you, the way he spoils you rotten, maybe even the feel of his cock. You may hate yourself for it, but you will eventually accept your new life – and Nobunaga won’t even really notice, only seeing your rebellious nature slowly dying off and your love for him finally, finally shying through.

It took you long enough, he thinks, but it doesn’t matter now; how can it, when you’ve finally gotten over that shy phase you seemed stuck in and are now able to fully express the devotion you feel for him?

How could he ever complain, when you’ll be spending the rest of your life by his side, the rest of eternity?

PUNISHMENTS:

Because of Nobunaga’s delusional views, punishments don’t happen too terribly often. He’s generally able to write off pretty much anything you do that displeases him as simply you trying to tease him, trying to make him work for your love.

He thinks it’s almost endearing, at first, because of course he’s willing to put in the little bit of extra work to show off the depth of his feelings for you. He’s willing to indulge in your little game, chuckling and smiling to himself when you refuse to cuddle with him, only running a thumb along your cheek and whispering to you that he’s patient, but baby, soon or later I’ll get impatient and take what I want, and I know that’s what you’re hoping for. I know you want me to just grab you and never let go, because you like being so close to me, I know it gets you all shy and flustered, and soon we’ll do more than just cuddling. I promise, sweetie.

Of course, you’re most definitely not playing any sort of game, just genuinely wanting to be away from him and free, but there’s very little you can do to get that message through to him. He’s remarkably good at twisting every word and action you make into some sort of cry for his attention, into some declaration saying you want him, even if you’re screaming the opposite. He’s good at writing off nearly everything you do – with one exception.

The moment you try to physically injure him, Nobunaga’s face is darkening, those black eyes hardening and his fists clenching tightly. There’s absolutely no excuse for two people in love to hurt one another outside of the bedroom, and he runs into trouble trying to justify your actions.

It becomes very difficult to see you as perfectly in love when you’ve reached out with harmful intentions, and you’ll very quickly see a side of Nobunaga that you wish you hadn’t.

He doesn’t like hurting you, but he’s a firm believer in equity in relationships (ironic, of course, but he doesn’t see it), and comes to the resigned conclusion that if you hurt him, he must hurt you. It will never be enough of an injury so as to threaten your life, only enough to incapacitate you, but still.

You hurt him, more in his heart than his body, but still – he can’t have this precedent set, because in order to be a in a healthy, loving relationship, he needs to show you that he won’t tolerate such blatant misbehavior.

So really, you can lash out all you want with words, but the moment your fist touches him? Well, is the punishment really worth the brief moment of victory?

His arms feel like weights around your body, pulling you down and trapping you against his chest, the lean muscles pressing against your front.

You don’t like it – you can smell him, that cedar odor that he thinks drives you crazy, and you can feel the pads of his fingers pressed against the flesh of your hips, pushing hard enough to surely leave bruises tomorrow. You can’t stand the way he’s whispering into your ear, hot breath fanning over the shell and making your skin crawl as he tells you all about how he’s going to make you feel so good tonight baby, ‘m not gonna stop until you’re shaking, you know I love it when you’re fucked dumb and just dripping –

You can’t take it anymore, anger and pure rage climbing up your throat, and before you can stop yourself, your knee is moving, coming up and landing hard against his crotch, hard enough that even you wince. He lets out a strained gasp, a wheezing noise that has his arms falling away from you, and immediately you’re stumbling back, eyes wide as you see how he crumples to the ground, hand clutching between his legs as his dark hair fans around his face.

He’s groaning in pain, but as you turn on your heel to run towards the front door, you hear him. Baby, what the fuck? What was that? Why the hell would you – fuck, that hurts. His eyes open, having been previously squeezed shut in pain, and his face freezes as he sees you rushing towards the door.

You bitch, he snaps, and just as your fingers graze the doorknob, the cold metal brushing against your fingertips, you’re pulled back, violently so. You land against a hard chest, rising and falling very quickly, the anger settling in his veins visible.

He’s scary, you realize in this moment, with a few veins popping out of his neck and he struggles to control himself, his next words clearly strained and clipped. He grabs your wrist, tight enough to make you wince, and begins dragging you along behind him as he heads towards the bedroom.

Good girlfriends don’t hurt their boyfriends. A few more steps, and you’re passing the doorframe. Good girlfriends are sweet, and they don’t try to run away. They love their boyfriends, and they’d never, ever go and hurt them, especially in their favorite spot.

He’s seething, and he throws you onto the bed, eyes wide and fingers shaking. You’re frozen, honest fear making your whole body numb.

He comes closer, too close, until he’s hovering above you, looking impossibly tall and foreboding. Why would you do this? Why would you make me hurt you? Do you like making me sad, making me the bad guy?

Cold fingers press against your lower shin and foot, his shoulders huffing a bit. This hurts me, baby, I promise. But I have to, you have to learn your actions have consequences.

And with that, his left hand is pushing left and his right hand right, and a sickening, loud crunch fills the room, followed very shortly by your wails. Searing pain shoots up your spine and there are tears in your eyes, your body flailing as he moves to break the second ankle, your pain only doubling.

It’s excruciating, and through your bleary gaze you see the way Nobunaga looks pointedly down on you, the firm line his mouth is set in wobbling slightly, his own eyes filled with tears.

Quickly he’s settled beside you, one hand palming your cheeks and the other running a hand over your hair, quietly shushing you. Shh, I know baby, I know it hurts, but this is how I feel, too. This is how you made me feel, you don’t like it, do you? Shh, I know, I know, but you’ve got to learn that I’m your boyfriend and you love me, so you can’t go hurting me. Shhh, it’s okay, I’m here, hold onto me and the pain will go away.

You can’t think, your hands blindly clutching at him, but Nobunaga only sighs, thumbs coming up to wipe away your tears and a kiss pressed to your forehead. I know, but you’ve learned your lesson now, huh?

Somehow you shakily nod, shoulders shaking, and Nobunaga can only softly smile. If you look closely enough, you can even see his face changing, morphing from angry and teary and worried to that self satisfied smirk, the mask of delusion slowly falling over him once more. Good girl, now I’ll go get some water and ice, and I’ll spend all night making you feel better. Isn’t this great? Now, we can spend some time together, do you want some snacks too?

He leaves to the kitchen, with a big smile on his face, body shaking in excitement. Sure, hurting you wasn’t ideal, but now you’re stuck, unable to walk or move or do anything without him, perfect for him to dote on and care for, and now surely you’ll see just how much he loves you.

He wouldn’t be willing to care for you 24/7 if he didn’t, right? You’ll see, he’s sure – just you wait, he’ll smother you with his love, just to prove that he’s the only one you’ll ever need.

OVERALL DANGER:

8/10

While Nobunaga isn’t particularly sadistic or evil, he is completely out of touch with reality.

The thing that makes him so dangerous is that there really is no arguing with him; his moral compass is virtually non-existent, and he really truly sees absolutely no issue with what he’s doing to you.

There’s nothing wrong with how he feels for you, or the way he stalks you or cares for you or steals you away – he’s just in love, and he’s absolutely convinced that you are too. He genuinely wants to spoil you, to give you everything he can and then some, because seeing you smiling and happy makes his heart race, his palms getting clammy and his throat get all fuzzy.

He grows dependent on you, desperate to have your eyes on him and your hands on his body, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get you in his arms, locked under his roof, always eagerly awaiting his arrival home with your arms open and legs spread.

He needs you, in a way that makes his head spin and his heart ache, to the point where it hurts to not be near you, to not have you by his side. He’s driven by devotion, by the genuine belief that you belong together, and once he’s set his sights on you, you really have no hope.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try to escape him, to outrun him, to make him fall out of love with you – he will find you, track you down and wrap you up in his arms where you belong, all the while nuzzling his face into yours, peppering kisses across your eyelids and cheeks, murmuring to you about how lonely he was without you, hoe he needs you and wants you and has to have you.

He’s deranged, but with time you’ll find yourself slowly losing your mind as well, caving into the belief that maybe he’s right, that you really do love him just as much as he loves you, even if you don’t know it. Maybe it’s true that your life is pointless without him – what had you really accomplished before he stepped into your life?

Maybe he’s been right all along – so really, just give in, let him smother you with gifts and kisses and cum, and you’ll someday be happy, too.

Someday, you’ll decide that this is where you belong, with him.

#yandere hxh #yandere nobunaga hazama #_lee's profiles #hxh x reader #_hxh #_nobunaga hazama

[tonberry-yoda]

I have an idea! I have really bad food issues and a lot of times eating at certain restaurants makes me sick, so there's like a 60% chance I'll be throwing up in a restaurant every time. So how about headcannons or maybe a short drabble for different bnha characters who knew their boyfriend had food issues but didn't realize how bad it was until they went to check on him?

Some of the character I really want are iida, hizashi, Aizawa, Monoma, and Shoji. If you want to add more or don't want to do any of these go ahead and change up the list ^^

Iida, Present Mic, Aizawa, Monoma, and Shoji with a reader who has some food issues

notes - HI! Sorry this took some time but I was finally able to get to it! I already let you know how I changed it up a bit, so I hope you don't mind that they decide to cook for the reader instead!!! I hope you have a super day and stay super hydrated! <3

Iida

this man would make sure you are fed the way you need to be

if he were to ever take you on a date, he would ask exactly what you would want to eat at a restaurant and research until he finds the perfect one

usually though, he prefers to cook for you

at first, you were a little nervous to tell him about the situation and kind of just avoided eating when he would take you out to somewhere to eat

but being the loving bf he is, he asked exactly what was going on and you were honest, as you could trust him

from then on, he kept record of your favorite foods and made sure that what he was making you was exactly what you enjoyed!

he wants you to stay healthy and happy and will do anything to make that happen <3

Present Mic

im sorry but this man cannot cook for the life of him

i mean he definitely tried to learn once he heard about your problem

know that he's trying <3

but at the end of the day, he will have you pick the place that you go eat or will eat what you cook if that's what you like to do!

but I think he stresses that he's going to be doing the wrong thing if he takes you out, just assure him that he's doing alright <3

he just loves you so much and wants to make you happy and make sure you're healthy, so he'll do anything for you <3

Aizawa

MAMMA AIZAWA TIME

this man will take care of you TO THE EXTREME

he will learn to cook anything for you and even bake if you have a sweet tooth

i feel like he had to cook for himself at a very young age and I see him as a pretty picky eater, so he can definitely help make you something that will help you out

he doesnt often take you out to eat just because that isn't super his jam

he made a love language out of cooking for you and just loves to see the smile on your face after you eat something

Monoma

he will treat you like the most important thing in his life

so yes

that means with food too

he definitely had to learn how to cook or get some friends to help, but know that he's putting in the effort

he feels like that isn't his best way of showing you his love since he's still trying, but know he will put in the effort!!!!!

teach him if you can because he is willing to learn, even if he is embarrassed that he has to ask for help lol

Shoji

a man of many talents

i feel like this man can cook like no other

so if you tell him what you love, expect it to be there for you as a breakfast in bed, or a surprise lunch <3

he wants to make sure you are well fed especially with your problem and he will do anything to make sure that is done

he will try new things or even ask you to teach him what you like to eat

he just cares about you a lot and knows how important food is, so he will do anything <3

~~~~~

mha masterlist (2) | pinned post

2023@tonberry-yoda– do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

#tonberry answers #asks #requests #moots <3 #mha #mha x reader #my writing #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #iida x reader #iida #present mic x reader #present mic #aizawa x reader #aizawa #monoma x reader #monoma #shoji #shoji x reader

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Rose Recaps 2023 - Thailand

Ok. Let me just get this out of the way. If there were awards for "started of great but forgot what it was about by the end" Thailand would win them all. No other country can touch them. So when I was going through my list of watched Thai Bls there weren't all that many to choose as favourites. but I'll try to be kind.

The one about family

Moonlight Chicken

First and foremost this show is stunning. This really cannot be overstated. I really enjoyed all the different relationships represented here and that the idea of family is what you want it to be. I love all of them, and Wen did absolutely nothing wrong.

Favourite Moment This conversation left me in tears.

The one hated by so many but not me

Dangerous Romance

This was me whenever there was a new episode.

I'm not gonna say people were wrong. Everybody has the right to their own opinions. But I never expected anything else.

This show gave me exactly what I expected of it. They made a romantic version of the trailer for christ sake. The ost video that came out the day before the premiere was a love fest with the softest song sang by Chimon. I agree that the first 2 episodes were different and for some, misleading about the direction of the show.

Not for me though. I got what I wanted. Chimon and Perth on my screen being boyfriends with some drama sprinkled in for good measure. And with the amazing bonus that was Marc and Pawin together again and the character of Auto that I just adored. I actually enjoyed all the characters in this one.

Favourite Moment

The one that is beautiful

I Feel You Linger In The Air

The amount of screenshots I took while watching this would fill a hard drive. It's just gorgeous. The way they played with the spaces was just such a treat.

This show was almost perfect. I had a couple of issues with it midway through and I felt that they dragged the goodbye a tiny bit much but overall I really liked it. These two are very special but overall there were a lot of characters to root for and enough of them to hate, which I appreciate.

But also WHERE IS THE SPECIAL??? I need to watch it!

Favourite Moment

The one that was I was ready to hate and then didn't

Be My Favourite

Confession time. I didn't like Krist. Watching SOTUS was something I endured but didn't enjoy for the most part. I know I'm not alone in this. But also. I didn't like Fluke. In anything. He was the only thing I didn't like in Not Me, and I skipped most scenes of his couple during Dark Blue Kiss. No particular reason tho. I just didn't enjoy watching him. So the bar was set pretty low on this one for me.

And then what happened? I loved Kawi. Like immediately. And surprise surprise, I liked Fluke. Immediately. It's like I was on an alternate universe and I couldn't believe my eyes.

With that said, it was not even close to a perfect show. It started off really strong, I enjoy the way the relationship grew, I loved that the characters were being honest with each other and being mostly kind to one another. Some moments felt really grounded. And then it kinda fell apart for me. But this is a positive post so I'm not going there.

Favourite Moment: The whole montage.

The one with the redemption of Mame

Wedding Plan

I already explained what I went through with this show here prompted by this episode of @the-conversation-pod. You should all go listen to this and all the other episodes because both @bengiyo and @shortpplfedup are brilliant and funny in convenient audio format.

Anyway, in the end I loved this show so much and took me a minute to come to terms that it was actually that good. The characters are actually multidimensional and the woman have depth. Groundbreaking stuff.

Favourite Moment

The one with all the cuteness

My School President

Not gonna lie, not a huge fan of singing in my bl. But this was great. From the beginning the fact that it made constantly remember my beloved Love Sick was an unexpected and delightfull bonus. I was living for Tinn's expressions, Tiw just being delightfully loyal and the epitome of sharing one brain cell group of friends. Not to forget the parental relationships that were some of the best of the year. I even liked the singing.

Favourite Moment

The extra one

Our Skyy 2 - A Tale of a Thousand Stars

This happened. It was perfect. That's it.

I watched more than 40 thai shows that came out this year, I'm not counting the ones that are still on, and these were my favourites. Mostly because some of them were the ones that I had the least to complain about.

That's it for my recaps. I still wanna gif some stuff today and it's late so I can't review this post again so if there are mistakes, don't tell me. It'll haunt me.

Have a good night💜

#Rose Recaps 2023 #moonlight chicken #my school president #wedding plan the series #be my favorite #i feel you linger in the air #dangerous romance #multi bl #rose rambles

[mariejordans]

i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

#gen v #heronamedhawks #update this user is actually a racist transphobic piece of shit so please block them and do not give them any more of your attention

[random-introverted-blog]

I suppose you want to hear about...

Me! Hi!

So first things first, what is this blog? Despite this name, it's actually Not a Shadowheart exclusive BG3 blog. The name is just a play on a joke I made with some friends that there is a DEEP lack of Dark Justiciar Shadowheart and Dark/Jealous/Possessive content for her. While I, of course, get and love our precious, wholesome Selunite baby, there's a lot of untapped potential for her Sharran Side. There's already a whole post I made on why I think you can definitely pull off a Yandere/Obsessive Shadowheart if you're interested. Can find that post Here, if you're interested.

This blog will be

Astarion and Shadowheart focused. BG3 blog maybe a random aside thought?

Not everything will be Yandere/Dark

I would like to be heralded as a Meme Queen, thank you

YES, I write fanfiction too, there's no escaping us.

I have SO many prompts/ideas/drabbles to share with you guys too

Maybe an opinion or such, like the Yandere Shadowheart post

Requests? Don't trust myself to do them in a timely manner. Suggestions of things to write? All for those, hmu girlies

I write a longfic on AO3 called I Want To Live. You can find me... Here!

I also now write a story called His Star - His Queen and that can be found... Here! Or if you prefer to continue reading on Tumblr I have a master page I call the Chapter Index and the link can be found... Here!

My Tumblr name is different from my AO3. I have yet to transplant my drabbles to my AO3 but if you want to stalk and stare at the relative void of my page, you can find me Here! My name there is A Random Introvert.

My inbox is open in case you guys aren't aware. There's really no limit on what you could send in that I won't reply to.

My Masterlist can be found here!

If I'm perfectly honest?

I'm actually a Spawn!Astarion simp more

ALRIGHT PUT DOWN THE PITCHFORKS I'M JUST BEING TRANSPARENT HERE.

But I've always had a weakness for dark romance, yandere content, obsessive/possessive/jealous content, and Ascended!Astarion has that in SPADES. So does Sharran!Shadowheart and DarkJusticiar!Shadowheart just saying.

Hence why the profile picture and banner feature Astarion and Shadowheart. This blog is for both of them, as I simp both.

Now not to come across condescending or anything, I know most people are aware what a yandere is. But just in case there are some newbies/uninitiated in this sacred, unholy character trope. Never want people to feel awkward or unwelcome or even ashamed they don't know something.

There are many other tropes that tend to be interwoven into a yandere. It's hardly ever their only trait. You can learn the rest by reading that, and your own research.

Look, I may be a Spawn!Astarion simp but I'm very staunch in my belief.

This is above all a No Judgement - No Shame blog

We can all enjoy ascended Astarion or Obsessive Shadowheart or whoever else you want to make a dark character. We can, because we can all acknowledge that no one in a healthy frame of mind would actually want to be with a Yandere in real life. But here, in text and words, we can enjoy it for what it is. A fantasy. I have a partner (hi babe) who is the complete antithesis of a yandere. I am actively writing a double Yandere electric boogaloo fic on AO3. Which they actively read and I talk about often. Doesn't change that I want a healthy relationship. And if I ever got a hint that they were recreating the scenes I was writing, I would ***SPOILERS*** drop faster than Shadowheart's parents when she kills them that's dark and I'm not sorry nor feel bad for it ***END SPOILERS**

That said; I welcome you to this little blog of mine and wish to be welcomed to this fandom if you would let me.

I think we're going to have a lot of fun together

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate shadowheart #dark justiciar shadowheart #shadowheart #ascended astarion #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion #spawn astarion #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 #baldur's gate #baldurs gate iii #baldurs gate blog #baldurs gate brainrot

[humanpurposes]

These are all my thoughts about the Season 2 teaser, under a cut because I'm mentioning book spoilers and doing some speculating, and also because I have sooooo much to say

Starting off with the first shot of Rhaenyra, standing by Shipbreaker Bay with Storm's End in the distance. The fact that she goes looking for Luke is so heartbreaking, but this is why I'm so excited for the show!! In the book there's not really an explanation of how the Blacks found out about Luke's death, just Rhaenyra's reaction and the "son for a son" line. I do really love the portrayal of Rhaenyra as a mother in the first season, especially her bond with Luke and I can so see her rushing to find out what happened to him.

I'm so excited for Emma D'Arcy in general. I'll be honest, it took me a while to warm up to post time jump Rhaenyra, especially because I felt like the character felt so different to Milly's Rhaenyra, but they really won me over in episode 10. What Emma is able to do with just their expressions is incredible, particularly in the very last shot of season 1, that look of grief and fury was so impactful. I hope we get more 'silent' acting moments from Emma and I think this could be one of those.

I wanna jump a head and mention the parallels between this scene and the shot of Alicent by some lake? I really thought that was supposed to be Alys Rivers until they showed her face. Obviously there's a similar visual there with Alicent and Rhaenyra. My questions are, where is this meant to be? It looks misty and you can't see much in the background, so I'm thinking it could be a dream given that she's dressed very plainly? The other lake that comes to mind is the God's Eye, but in the book, Alicent doesn't leave King's Landing. This bit also excited me because I've kinda used bodies of water as symbol for death and grief in one of my fics haha.

Sticking with Alicent, the first we see of her in the teaser is her speaking with someone off camera, probably Larys Strong because you can see his cane. My girl looks tired (probably because her son started a war whoops) and she seems very reluctant with the "many will die line." Super excited for more Olivia Cooke looking melancholic!!

I hate Criston Cole's haircut, but it's not a big deal.

Aegon on the throne! He still looks miserable lmao. I think of all the interpretations of the characters I think Aegon will end up disappointing me the most. I really don't think they developed him enough last season to set up any meaningful rivalry with Rhaenyra, which I can understand because the focus is on Rhaenyra and Alicent. But I feel like he's been left out of his own story in a way because in the book, he doesn't want the throne, but is convinced by Criston to stake his claim and properly fight for it. I have a feeling HotD is still going for a mopey emo boy. I mean he literally has a chain around him. Also I wish his crown had more rubies, it looks so underwhelming, but the dragon embroidery on his tunic is sick.

Also, dragon shoulder things going on with Rhaenyra's dress? Slay, she's the more fashionable monarch for sure.

0:26, the dragon flying overhead. I think this is Nettles!! Some people have been saying they're disappointed she was left out, but I think could be her looking at Sheepstealer? And she has some stick thing idk it looked like a shepherd's cane to me.

And immediately after that we have a shot of a dragon flying over another lake. It looks like the same one? I was thinking it might also be Jace on Vermax when he's delivering his messages to the Vale and Winterfell? Omg but so many dragons this season!! I'm so excited to see all of them.

Going back to Daemon, he's definitely on a war path this season, we have that first shot of him grabbing his helmet and storming off, presumably to battle, then he's beheading someone in front of a Weirwood tree. One thing I really found interesting about the time jump in season 1 was how subdued older Daemon was compared to his younger self, even when he killed Vaemond he played it off so nonchalantly. But then in episode 10 he's just desperate to make a show of strength and end the conflict quickly and violently, with Rhaenyra being the one who has to restrain him. So I'm interested to see how their dynamic as a couple will play out, and to see a return to form for Daemon as a force of nature.

Aemond being the very next frame after Daemon swings his sword oof. I'll get more into Aemond in a bit because I will talk about him forever and ever amen once I get started. But that LOOK, my man is yearning for the throne and we're all obsessed.

0:38, that looks like Seasmoke to me, which would mean the person standing in front of the dragon is Laenor or Addam of Hull. I don't really have an opinion about Laenor possibly coming back, we'll just see what happens. Would be quite devastating for Corlys and Rhaenys though, after mourning their son for 6 years.

speaking of mourning sons Helaena looks so stunning in 0:40. I tried to avoid those leaks but these look like they're from Jaehaerys' funeral procession. I'm looking forward to more prophetic stuff from Helaena, hopefully get more into her relationship with her family. I just hope she gets the time she deserves in the show because in the book she very much exists in the background, especially after Blood and Cheese. And the audacity of them to show a shot of the Dragonpit before Helaena, that's just cruel 🥺

UM ALSO 0:52. Took me a second to register what was happening the first time I watched this. Something that really stands out to me is how gentle Helaena's expression is (unless I'm misreading Phia's face completely) but that is something that's mentioned in the book, Helaena supposedly met them very calmly. I just know Phia Saban is going to do an amazing job in this scene and I'm absolutely terrified to see it play out.

Ok going back again, there's some battle scene or whatever, that's cool ig.

0:45-0:47 Rhaenys' voiceover, her and Rhaenyra (I'm guessing at Dragonstone) and then BAELA!! Again, I'm really hoping for some canon divergence from the book because I am so down to see Baela being utilised more! That's something I didn't really get about the book, Baela has Morning but they only participate in one battle. I'm thinking this is her at Rook's Rest, seeing Rhaenys die or getting there too late.

0:53 Duel of the Cargyll twins? omg :(

And to finish off, the shots of Aemond, then Rhaenyra, then Vhagar. Excited to see Rhaenyra being more active in the fighting. Although her unwillingness to fight her own battles was something that was used against her in F&B, I think it feels very much in line with what we saw of her in season 1.

Aemond looks SO GOOD, and I know these probably won't be from the same scene, but with the shots of him and Rhaenyra being one after the other, I feel like there could be something there about the (for what of a better word) rivalry between them in the aftermath of Luke's death. If we got to see them face off against each other or have some kind of interaction, that would be insane.

Ok now I'm going to ramble about my war criminal princess 🥰

So we all know one of the biggest talking points of the season 1 finale was the part Aemond played in Luke's death and what this means for him as a character moving forward.

It's really interesting to compare HotD Aemond vs F&B Aemond, because in the book he comes across as a lot more abrasive, ruthless and impulsive. In the show, Aemond is an imposing but understated presence which is so unnerving and so captivating to watch, and then he has these moments where his anger comes out. I think in episode 8, his anger feels deliberate when he reacts to Luke laughing at him at the dinner, it's all a threat and a reminder of what he's capable of. It's all to get a reaction and it works, he insults the Strong boys, laughs off Jace's punch, but the moment he comes face to face with Daemon he backs down. Then we have Storm's End in episode 10. His anger is meant to intimidate again, but the difference is that there's no one to make him back down, so he takes things too far, chases Luke and is helpless to stop Vhagar when she goes in for the kill.

I love what Ewan Mitchell has said about the bond between Aemond and Vhagar, how their bond has changed his view of himself and shaped the person he becomes. He's bonded to an ancient war dragon, he's an ambitious second son who has to settle for being a supporting act to his useless older brother, and he's been through a lot of physical and emotional trauma since childhood, so while he's trying to play the part of Alicent's golden child, he's had all this pain simmering under the surface, which was inevitably going to reach boiling point.

I think it makes perfect sense that Aemond's first kill was 'accidental' considering he's never had any experience with actual combat, but this doesn't mean it has to detract from his character and in fact I think this lends itself to the tragedy of his story. Enough people have said it but I think he'll come back to King's Landing, get a right bollocking from Alicent and Otto, and he'll play it off as though he killed Luke to avenge his missing eye. The alternative is admitting that he doesn't have full control of his dragon, not a great sign considering she is the Green's most important asset in the war. B&C is going to devastate their whole family but with Aemond has to carry the guilt of being the one who drew first blood, and I think from there we'll really see him lean into this persona of The Kinslayer and become more ruthless and overtly violent. AND THEN after Rook's Rest and Aegon's injury, Aemond will become Regent and will be closer to the throne than he ever has been or ever will be.

I think he's just going to become completely insane and even more unhinged and I'm absolutely buzzing to see it all go down. Just please, HBO, for the love of God, give him more than one outfit.

Additional thoughts:

I wonder if they'll keep the GoT theme for the opening credits? I kinda want something new, maybe a bit darker? Either way, so excited for new stuff from Ramin Djawadi

No Daeron which isn't looking good, yikes. Dare we hold out hope he'll show up in a later season? But then there was a shot of the Hightower army in the teaser and he'd be with them

We also have no Cregan Stark which surprised me because I really thought they'd play up nostalgia points with Winterfell

No Sunfyre :(

No Caraxes :( unless we count that quick shot of Daemon in his saddle.

No Dreamfyre, but this is less surprising

I'm nitpicking now, but I would have liked a shot of the Velaryon Fleet too, that would have been cool

#me when i overshare #house of the dragon season 2 #house of the dragon #hotd #hotd season 2 #aemond targaryen

[mikuni14]

Love For Love's Sake - Ep 7-8

Korea delivered again.

I watched these episodes a few hours ago, but I'm only writing something now because I have so many thoughts in my head. I don't know what to write anyway, my thoughts and feelings are a mess. I don't even know if I understood everything correctly. But it doesn't matter because I vibe with this series so hard 🥳 I cried through both episodes, and I spent the end of the finale in an incredible euphoria, as if I was high. This series is pure art because it can reach the depths of your heart, make you feel the story told deeply, and finally experience catharsis. And what's important - all your feelings turn out to be important, each of them meant something, none of them were wasted (which sadly happens to me often in BL series, especially lately, like, why do I get so invested, when in the end it turns out that it was for nothing..).

I was genuinely curious how the series would overcome the fact that it is a game and in the end I rate the result and execution as 10/10 for innovation and professionalism in breaking my heart. Also a special award for creating the character of a "god", who, like all gods, is a dick who enjoys tormenting ordinary people and putting them through some werid, difficult, harsh trials to make them "better" (why is it never a form of a gentle therapy, only kick in the balls and "learn from it" lol)

Myung Ha went through hell in this life, after going through hell ending with suicide in his previous life, becoming some kind of mythical, biblical figure in his suffering. This is a trope that I have never liked or accepted (growth through suffering), but I accept it here because of a) a very good execution that really moved me b) a happy ending 🙂 I won't analyze Myung Ha more because others will do it definitely a lot better. I just want to write how much I love this lonely, broken, kind man. How much I felt sorry for him when he did everything for Yeo Woon and nothing worked and he despaired because he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. Because, keeping your problems and fears a secret from your loved one, keeping him at a distance to protect him, making noble sacrifices, never asking for help, is an expression of love, right? RIGHT? Oh my poor summer child, and my poor heart 💔💔

I love Yeo Woon for how honest he is with his feelings. When he is happy - he talks about it, when he is unhappy - he also talks about it. I love how he says precisely what he likes and doesn't like. How he sets boundaries - even if he crumbles in the end, panicking when he might actually lose Myung Ha. Yeo Woon has his own demons, his own problems, his own fears of being alone and being abandoned. But I really like how hard he tries and how much he wants their relationship to be equal and how he NOTICES THAT IT'S NOT. I liked it so much that he didn't ignore what Myung Ha was doing after he collapsed. That he confronted him because he had spent the whole day looking for him, only to find out that he was sick and in the care of someone else, and his "rival" at that. How else could Yeo Woon feel other than hurt, rejected, jealous and not worthy of being Myung Ha's carer?

There were so many scenes in these episodes and each deserves a separate analysis, a separate post, but I don't even know where to start, I have so many thoughts in my head! What a series, WHAT A SERIES.

Hmm, what could be easier to write? For example, how many tropes were used in this show, like the hand-holding, dragging by hand, running through the city and on the beach to your crush, sexy drinking from a water bottle, going to the beach with friends together at the end 💯

Final kisses: what can I say, it must have taken a lot of practice kissing, right Yeo Woon? 🤭 Korea often does this thing where the first kiss is stiff and in the next kiss the guys go to town lol

Sang Won deserves a special mention, he's just a great character. And the actor playing him is incredibly hot.

Each of these boys was 10/10, the series is 10/10. The series perfectly balanced comedy and tragedy, a beautiful and romantic love story with difficult and heavy elements, also feelings of joy and sadness in the viewers (at least in me). I love this series because the main couple was always present, their love was constantly visible, they still had lovely scenes together even when everything around them was falling apart. The series did something amazing when the surprising plot twist in the form of what actually happened to Myung Ha DID NOT DOMINATE the finale. That it became its important, but not the most important element, and the finale itself brought only smiles and joy. I didn't expect that a BL series could again make me feel things as The Eight Sense did, but here we are 💖

I plan to rewatch the entire series again. And I'm very saddened by the choice of distribution method of this series, if it were aired every week, it would probably have the same popularity as The Eighth Sense - but now, after a week, it's over...

#love for love's sake #bl drama #korean bl

[sidebaxolotl]

I have a question for you if you wouldn’t mind answering. I’m a lesbian and I’ve been considering turning to religion and being side b, but my main question is why would God want me to suffer this much? Why would He let me date my girlfriend for 3 years, all of which has been blissfully happy and feels totally right and good, if He really wants me to give it all up and break both of our hearts? It doesn’t feel like sin to me. We didn’t even sleep with each other until we’d been together for a year because I found it very hard to get over my shame and they waited for me the entire time. Isn’t there that verse about the fruit something brings? Being a lesbian has brought nothing but joy into my life. In fact, the only suffering it’s caused me is when I used to try to be side b. I don’t see why God would want that for me if He allowed me to be made a lesbian.

And to be honest, it seems like most of the side b people I know struggle a lot with being side b, like it doesn’t come naturally to them. I wonder how you reconcile that difficulty and pain with believing that a good God would want this for you. You could make the argument that Satan wants you to suffer and is causing your temptation, but if that’s the case why doesn’t God just fix it, if He’s all powerful? Maybe He wants me to have free will, but I’ve asked Him countless times to make me straight so it’s not like I want to be gay.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just find this sort of thing really hard to wrap my head around, but I want there to be a good answer that I can hold on to.

Hey friend! To be honest I do understand where you're coming from. My relationship with my ex was one of the most wonderful things ive ever felt, and it did feel right and very good, unlike a lot of the sin in my life. Even now I struggle sometimes to reconcile that and I know if things hadn't ended so badly I'd be in your situation right now. I also prayed many times that God would make me straight (and for a while I thought it worked lmao). For a long time after The Breakup I struggled really hard with what to do, i was struggling with lesbian erotica/fandom content, wondering what to do with my faith, wondering if I should force myself to marry a man, crying out to God to curse Him or blame Him for my situation, for taking her away from me, etc. I fell into a very deep depression and was very close to unaliving myself over it (and other things). I had to go on medication for an extended period of time because I did not want to live. It was a really rough time in my life and I'm glad despite all the things that I said and did out of grief that I made it out of that period of my life with my relationship to God in tact. Letting go of sin, particularly sexuality related sin can be really hard because sin doesn't always feel bad. A lot of sin does and has immediate consequences, which makes it particularly easy to avoid/stop doing but a lot of it doesn't. We live in a world where sin has permeated the deepest reaches of our universe and our own bodies. Our own judgement apart from Christ cannot always be trusted:

"The heart is deceitful above all things,     and desperately sick;     who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

So it might not feel bad or wrong(it still doesn't feel that way to me personally), but we know God is objectively good and knows what is best, so if He says its bad, then its bad. There are reasons for this, but that's beyond the scope of this post so maybe another time. What I will also say though, is that the Christian life is hard in general and suffering is guaranteed. The apostles suffered--many of them endured gruesome deaths for the sake of the gospel, and even Jesus, the author and sustainer of our faith was abandoned by his friends and made to unjustly die on a cross with common criminals. If the son of God, the prince of peace, could not escape this fate then neither will we. This particular passage comes to mind:

"But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps" 1 Peter 2

The thing about Christian suffering is that none of it is meaningless. Because of God's grace and mercy He can use something that was never meant to exist (suffering and pain) and use it to bring us closer to Him and help build us into the people we should be, emulating God's character and love. These are some verses about suffering in regards to faith that I've found particularly helpful or enlightening:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Cor 4:16-18 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-4

And as Christians we know for sure our suffering is not eternal. When we shed this mortal coil we will never feel the sting of sin ever again. And when the New heavens and the New earth are brought to fruition we will experience life as it always was supposed to be. And even now my life isn't just suffering. I'm doing very well now. I'm no longer depressed, I'm off medication (with doctor approval). I genuinely love my life. I'm super satisfied with being single, i freaking love it honestly lol. And my relationship with God is stronger than its ever been. Being side b isn't always easy but it really is not a death sentence devoid of happiness either!

#if u need to talk or send more asks im all ears!! #prayin for ya anon! #answers #side b ssa #side b

[lesbianwriter]

im sure ive requested this before but i absolutely adore your writing dude

how about a hero whos had just an AWFUL day so she winds up at villains house/apartment (wherher of her own intention or maybe she got wasted and villain broignt her home or something for safety idk)

i am bery exhausted while writing this si i apologize for all of tbe spellinv mistakes i hope this is semi legible 💀

Thank you!!! And the spelling mistakes…I’ve found more than a few spelling errors in my posts—and a lot of embarrassing ones at that—so it’s completely fine 💀

It had been a very bad day.

So, Hero had gone to a bar—nowhere near the glamor of the types that the higher up heroes perused, but a grungy place that reeked of depression—and at that bar where misery was interwoven into the very fibers of the floor, she had drinks. Perhaps one too many.

She was sober enough to understand what was happening…mostly…and she knew exactly where she was stumbling to, even if her legs were swaying uneasily. However, she wasn’t sober enough to repel herself from her her trance of willingly seeking out the lion’s den—willingly walking straight into the beast’s hungry jaws like a prepackaged meal. There was a part of her that warned against it, but the part wasn’t louder than the part of her that achingly, desperately, painfully wanted somewhere to just lay down and rest her throbbing head. 

Then, it began to rain.

Hero would’ve cursed if she wasn’t too tired to spend her feeble amount of energy screaming all the nasty words she knew. Utterly and completely dejected, she hung her head and kept walking—she didn’t have a choice, she was too far from her own place to turn back now. And she didn’t want to be alone.

If she were honest with herself, she didn’t know where else to go. There was nobody else to support her. She couldn’t even trust herself to take care of herself. Whenever she was sick, she still went to work. Whenever she was injured from a fight, she patched it up enough with her sloppy work, and she didn’t ask for help even when she knew she had done it wrong. Furthermore, in recent days her apartment had become uncontrollably untidy, her laundry hadn’t been done in days, there was nothing but cold pizza and a can of whipped cream in her fridge, and the word self-care was now a foreign one.

The weight of her loneliness and helplessness was gut-crunching.

Being a hero was miserable if you weren’t one of the ‘elites’ or somehow, someway, connected to them. Nothing she did ever got noticed, which meant she didn’t get payed much, and therefore she had to take on extra work—the more dangerous jobs—all to pay her bills and keep water in her sink.

Dripping like a wet dog, Hero finally knocked on Villain’s door. “Villain?” She called weakly. The lights were on in the windows…she had to be home. Hero needed her to be home. 

Suddenly, the door swung open with an angry creak. “I swear, if you’re handing out a leaflet of any kind—“ Villain’s eyes widened as she finally saw who was standing in her doorway. “Hero?”

“I had a bad day…” Hero sniffled.

The light from inside glowed on the front steps. Warm. Hero wanted to leap inside before Villain slammed the door, but she held back—mainly because if she moved too much then she’d tip over as if she were a capsized boat.

Villain looked her up and down. The usual sharp-edged, assessing malice in her eyes had faded into something softer. Kinder. Her eyes appraised Hero carefully, as if handling glass. “Come inside.”

Head still lowered, Hero shuffled inside.

If Hero felt unsure about coming to Villain’s place, Villain looked even more unsteady than her.

Her eyebrows furrowed, knitting together. “…I’ll go get you a towel. Don’t step onto my nice carpet—I just stole that last week—but you can…can stand there. I guess.” She grimaced and hurried off up the stairs, disappearing down the upstairs hallway.

—

—

“How much did you drink?” Villain wiped at Hero’s face. Black streaks of mascara stained the towel. “I can smell the alcohol off of you—it’s cheap, too.”

The elite heroes were the ones who could afford the finest. Hero, however, was left to resort to the cheapest there was. Pathetically, she still spent more money than she could afford. Which meant more jobs—harder jobs—jobs that were insanely dangerous. Her body was already littered with scars, and she had nearly lost her whole arm  during her last mission, but it wasn’t enough.

She hadn’t sacrificed enough of herself.

It made her want to cry, but that’d be more mess for Villain to wipe up.

“I don’ know.” Hero mumbled.

After drying off, Villain had guided her to a couch and brought her a steaming cup of tea, a glass of water, a large bowl, and a few pillows and blankets. It was comfortable, and so soft—the softest thing she’d laid her head upon in ages—and it was overwhelmingly tempting to simply close her eyes and never wake up again. A likely possibility if Villain rethought her hospitality.

“You shouldn’t be this heedless,” Villain folded the towel in her hands. “You’re drunk—you came to me—and what if I killed you? Or kept you here and tortured you for information?”

“Will you?”

“…not when you’re drunk like this. That isn’t a level playing field.” Stiffly, she stood up. Her hands fluttered around and smoother the blanket over Hero. “Go to sleep. Here,” she held up a remote, “is the control for the TV. If you wake up before I do, you can watch whatever. Just don’t delete anything I’ve recorded and keep the volume low.”

“You’re being so nice.” Hero slurred. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, well, I know what it’s like to be horribly drunk after a bad day without anybody there.” She hesitated, a hand brushing away a piece of Hero’s still slightly damp hair. “You don’t deserve that. Anyways, have a horrible night.”

“Not goodnight?”

“I’m a villain, I can’t wish you goodnight.” Villain’s nose crinkled, but the corners of her mouth flickered into a smile for a faint moment before she walked away.

Sorry the pacing is sloppy 😭

#hero x villain #villain x hero #a little whumpy #if you squint real hard #villain caretaker #sapphic #wlw #my writing #heroes and villains