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turtle-mama · 2 years

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Disclaimer!

This is 100% a self-indulgent fan-fiction with my own OC, lots of angst, mental and physical triggers, and is for my own personal enjoyment as well as my sister's enjoyment. You can read it if you want, obviously CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcome. Anything that is empty hate will be ignored. This is also written AFTER the movie! So if you have not watched the movie yet, there are spoilers.

Okay. You have been warned properly. If you want to read, buckle up buttercup. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Part 1:

Raph swung his legs over the edge of the warehouse, staring out at the bustling city. So much has happened in the past year. Some good memories, some too painful to recall. He began to have flashbacks to the Krang destruction. He could still feel the tentacles infusing into his brain to get to the lair, the feeling of being corrupted. Most of all, the feeling of being a monster himself. He swallowed hard at the ingrained memory of his family’s faces as he brutally attacked them. His eyes grew hot as tears began to form, remembering the punches he threw at them. How he hit Leo and liked it.

“He deserved it.” a distorted voice echoed, “You should have hurt them more.”

“Not again.” Raph closed his eyes.

“You know they deserved it. It felt good to hurt them.”

“N-no! I… I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to!”

“But you did, and you liked it!”

“S-stop it!” he placed his shaking hands on his head, trying to shut out the voice. “Leave me alone! I didn’t want to hurt them!”

Suddenly, like a ray of light diminishing the darkness, a soft hand placed itself gently on his shoulder. Raph jolted back to reality. His head swiveled as his eyes met Rina’s concerned stare. Her grip tightened as his tear-stained face broke her heart.

“Mi Amor?” she bent down to his side, wiping away his fallen tears. “You’re crying?”

Raph wiped the rest of his tears away, trying to fix his brave face.

“I-I just had a little dust in my eye.” he forced a smile. “That’s all. I’m fine.”

Rina pressed her lips and raised an eyebrow, not believing his lie for a second. “So who didn’t you want to hurt?”

Raph’s smile faded as he turned away from her. He realized now he had been caught. Releasing a heavy sigh, feeling ashamed for lying to her and letting his problems show.

“How much did you hear?” He whispered, refusing to look at her.

“I only heard you say ‘I didn’t want to hurt them.’” she sat down next to him, sliding her hand down to his.

Raph smiled gently, softly grasping her hand. He began to stroke it with his thumb, bringing back the happy memories to overcome the bad ones. Rina moved closer, pressing her body as close to him as possible.

“Cariño.” she began again using her other free hand to turn his head gently to look at her. Raph moved his head to appease her but would not look her directly in the eye.“What’s going on with you? You haven’t been yourself for a few weeks, and you seem to be getting angrier and angrier.”

Raph let out a heavy sigh, afraid to tell her the truth. His grip tightened on her hand as he felt the tears come back.

When Rina didn’t get an answer, she continued to press more. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?” she noticed the exhaustion in his glossed eyes. “Don’t lie, I can see it. Please tell me, is something bothering you?”

He kept quiet but, he felt it grow harder not to talk to her. He knew she wouldn’t stop badgering him if he didn’t say anything. But how could he tell his love that he got enjoyment from hurting his brothers?

“Raph, please.” she tried once more. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine,” he finally spoke. “I just have some things to figure out. I don’t want to bring you into my problems.”

“Raph, that’s what a relationship is all about. We help each other when they are hurting.”

“I’m fine, Rina. Please.” Raph could feel his anger begin to grow.

“Will you stop lying to me?” Rina growled back. “Just tell me-!”

“I SAID I’M FINE!” He shot up from the ledge, letting go of her.

Raph began to walk away before he did something he would regret. Rina sat in shock for a moment, processing the first time Raph ever yelled at her. She furrowed her eyebrows in determination, standing up after him. She wasn’t going to let him go so easily.

“You’re not fine, Raph.” her voice grew cold. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have yelled at me. What is going on with you?”

“What part of I’m fine don’t you get?!” He turned back to her. “I don’t want to talk about it! I can’t talk about it! Because if I do, the one person who truly understands me will think I’m a monster!”

Both of them froze in shock. Rina stared at Raph who began to shake from both anger and embarrassment. Raph couldn’t take it anymore. His eyes slammed shut as tears began to fall once again.

“Who am I kidding?” He fell to his knees. “I am a monster.”

“No.” snapping out of her frozen trance, Rina rushed to his side, placing her hands on his face. “You’re not a monster, Raph. I would never believe such a lie.”

“You would if I told you what I did.” his broken voice pushed out from the tears.

“Try me.”

Raph closed his eyes once more, finally giving in to her demand.

“You know about the Krang attack on the city and how I got my scar across my eye.” Rina slowly nodded her head in understanding. “Well, when I was corrupted, I never told my brothers this but,” Raph swallowed hard. “I had some self-awareness about what I was doing. I didn’t have control of my body but, I could see them there. When I attacked them I… I.”

Raph began to trail off, the memories flooding back. “I liked it.”

Rina let in a small gasp in disbelief. “You liked it?”

Raph looked up at her, her face blurred out by the gushing tears. “I-I liked hurting them, Rina. Especially Leo. I, I liked hurting him the most. I felt like they deserved it. I felt like Leo deserved it.” His hands covered his face in shame. “I’m a disgusting brother. I don’t deserve to be called their brother.”

Not wanting to hear any more of this nonsense, Rina pulled Raph into her shoulder. One hand went behind his head in comfort while the other gripped onto him for safety. Instantly, Raph grabbed a hold of Rina, wrapping his arms around her as he sobbed. She cradled him, letting a few tears escape her eyes as well. She was relieved he finally told her what had been bothering him for so long.

Raph began to calm himself down, slowly peeling himself off of Rina. He bowed his head in shame once more. Rina smiled softly, placing her hands on both sides of his face. He let out a sad sigh, bringing one of his hands to hers, and pressing it gently to remember her touch. She ran her fingers over his scar, smiling softly.

“Now, you listen to me,” she spoke. “You are not a monster, Raphael. You couldn’t be farther from it. You weren’t in control and it wasn’t you that enjoyed hurting them. That was the Krang making you believe you liked it. You sacrificed yourself for your family. You are the kindest, sweetest, loving mutant I have ever met. That will never change no matter what happens.”

Raph sniffled letting his lips curl into a sweet smile. “How did I get so lucky?”

“By just being you, amor.” Rina stood up helping him off the ground. “You should talk to your brothers about this.”

Raph’s eyes widened. “No! They can’t know. I don’t want to tell them any of this. Promise me you won’t say anything.”

“Raph I,”

“Promise me, Rina!”

Rina looked away from him, biting her bottom lip. She went back and forth about her final decision, her morality telling her to be loyal to Raph’s wishes and knowing the boys deserve to know their brother is hurting. She looked back at Raph’s begging eyes, soft and sweet while also filled with regret.

“Okay,” she sighed, finally giving in to him, “I promise.”

A smile of relief formed across his face. He reached out for her once more, embracing her softly. A loose tear escaped his eye, feeling some relief he told Rina what had been bothering him.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

His embrace weakened as his hand cupped around Rina’s cheek. She still felt unsure about her decision, wondering if this would come back to bite the both of them. Raph sighed softly, pressing his lips to hers, offering comfort. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds. Their eyes met once more, staring lovingly.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Raph brushed her cheek softly.

“It’s okay, mi amor.” She smiled back. “We tend to make bad choices when we’re going through pain like that. It makes you human.”

Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion swept over Raph, letting out a repressed yawn. Rina giggled at his tiredness, rubbing his sides.

“When was the last time you slept?” her eyebrow raised.

Trying to recall, Raph looked up at the sky, not even sure what day it was. “Um, that depends. What’s today?”

Rina let out a harsh sigh, shaking her head. “Okay, to bed with you mister.”

“I-I don’t know how well I’ll be able to sleep. The nightmares keep getting stronger.”

An idea popped into Rina’s head. One that let Raph finally get some rest and she could keep an eye on him.

“How about I stay over tonight?” She smiled brightly.

“But what about Coraline?” Raph blinked away his exhaustion.

“Our Abuela is visiting and she’s taking care of her right now. I don’t think she would mind.”

Raph let out another sleepy yawn, slowly losing his balance. Rina steadied him, letting out a soft giggle. She placed one of his arms around her shoulder as she pressed herself against his side. The two began to make their way back to the lair slowly. The walk back was peaceful. Raph tried desperately to stay awake, while Rina was just happy he was relying on her. Usually, he likes to play tough guys and not admit when he needs help. Of course, it wasn’t his fault. It was in his programming to always be the strong one. The one who takes care of everyone. Rina understood him in that aspect. It’s tough being the oldest and having so much responsibility placed on your shoulders.

When they reached the lair, both of them noticed an unfamiliar silence. Raph could feel himself begin to worry, wondering why his brothers didn’t greet him when he walked in the door. With a slight reassuring hug, Rina looked up at him, flashing a calming smile.

As they walked farther in, the sight of Mikey and Leo sound asleep on the couch greeted them. Letting out a sigh of relief, Raph smiled at the two of them spread out on the couch.

“I should wake them up.” Raph began to let go of Rina.

She tugged on his arm, causing him to turn back in slight confusion. Shaking her head gently with the never faded smile, she looked over at the two of them.

“Let me take care of them,” she whispered. “You need to get some rest.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am, now go.”

Nodding in agreement, Raph let go of Rina’s hand, walking back towards his room. When he disappeared behind the walkway, Rina looked back to the passed-out brothers. Walking over quietly, she placed her hand on Mikey’s head, giving it a gentle rub.

“Mikey?” she bent down to his level. “Pequeño, wake up.”

Mikey’s body slowly began to shift as his eyes fluttered open. He moved his head softly to figure out where that loving touch was coming from. He met Rina’s sweet smile causing his smile to form too.

“Oh, hi Rina.” He let out a huge yawn. “When did you get here?”

“Just a few minutes ago,” she whispered, still stroking his head softly. “Why don’t you go to bed, pequeño? The couch isn’t the best place for that.”

“I know. But it sure is comfy.”

“I’m sure it is. Come on. Off to bed with you.”

Letting out a grumpy whine, Mikey slumped his arms over the side of the couch. Rina stood up walking over to Leo. Sound asleep, she shook her head at his sprawled-out position on the couch. She placed her hand on his chest, pushing him back and forth with a bit of force.

“Leo?” She tried to grab his attention. “Leo comes on, you can’t sleep on the couch.”

Scrunching his face, Leo opened one eye to see Rina standing over him. Giving a low groan, he placed his hands on his face, giving it a harsh rub.

“Ugh, not another nightmare.” He scoffed. “Don’t I get enough of you during the day?”

Rina rolled her eyes, grabbing his arms. She pulled him up from his position off of the couch and onto the floor. He let out a quick yell before landing on the cold floor.

“Go to bed, cara de idiota.” She pointed to the open doorway. “Take pequeño with you..”

“Okay, okay.” Leo peeled himself off the floor. “You know, sometimes I think you insult me just because I don’t understand you.”

“That is half of the reason.” Rina scowled.

Leo rolled his eyes and looked over at Mikey who was still half asleep. He grabbed Mikey’s waist, pulling him onto his back. Like a Koala, Mikey gripped his brother’s shoulders, nuzzling his face into his back.

Content with herself, Rina watched Leo drag himself and Mikey back to their rooms. She wondered how Raph keeps them in line so well. That’s half the reason he’s so tired all the time. Especially with Leo. For being the “leader” of the group, his childlike manner shines through too often.

Even though Rina knew Donnie would still be awake, she decided to check on him anyway. She made her way down to his room, noticing it was empty. It was no surprise he wouldn’t be asleep, so she walked down to his lab to see if he was still in there. She didn’t realize that the surprise would be that he wasn’t in his lab either. She began to wonder where he was until she could hear running water in the distance. Following the sound, she came to a door with a crack of light shining through. As well as the running water, soft pained groans came from inside the room. She opened the door slowly to find Donnie vigorously scrubbing his hands. As she got closer, she noticed his hands had red streaks running down. He was scrubbing his hands so hard they started to bleed.

“¡Dios mío!” she muttered. “Donnie, Donnie stop! Your hands!”

“Must,” he sucked air through his teeth, “must get this feeling, off of me.”

He began to dig his nails harder into his skin, making his wounds open more. Rina grabbed onto his wrists, desperately trying to pull his hands apart. He fought with her, keeping his nails dug into his skin. It’s almost as if his hands were locked in place, refusing to let go.

Finally, she pulled them apart. This broke Donnie from his trance, his breathing grew rapidly as he had been running for his life. His eyes were locked onto his bleeding hands. As he watched the blood drip into the sink, his hands began to shake.

“Donnie,” Rina’s grip softened. “What happened?”

“I- I don’t know.” his voice shook still watching his hands. “I just woke up with this urge to wash my hands. I couldn’t make the feeling go away. It-it’s still there.”

“Breath Donnie.” Rina cooed, turning off the water. “You’re okay. The only thing that’s on your hands is your blood.”

She reached over for one of his soft cotton towels, wrapping his hands firmly. Feeling the new sensation, Donnie’s tense body began to ease, coming back into reality. Once his hands were secure in the towel, she bent down to his cabinet to receive bandages. When she came back up, Donnie held a blank stare at his hands as if he was waiting for them to fall off.

“I’m going to take off the towel now.” Rina placed her hand on his. “Close your eyes.”

Donnie nodded softly, closing himself away.

Gently removing the towel, Rina could see just how badly Donnie scrubbed himself raw. Her heart broke as his hands shook, beginning to bleed again.

“Donnie, how long have you been scrubbing your hands like this?” Rina began to wrap his hands back up with the clean bandages.

“Uh, I’m not sure.” he turned his head to force himself not to look. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after midnight.”

Donnie grew quiet for a moment. “It’s been 2 hours?”

Rina paused, her eyes moving up to Donnie. “You have been scrubbing your hands like this for 2 hours?!”

“It didn’t start like this. I-I just wanted to…” he began to trail off. “Are you done yet?”

“Yes,” she tied the last bandage, “I’m done. You can look now.”

Donnie slowly turned his head back, afraid to open his eyes. Rina closed his hands, rubbing her thumb over the back of them.

“Why don’t I go get you some hot water and honey.” She smiled softly. “Would you like that?”

Donnie dropped his shoulders, letting out a relieved sigh. He slowly shook his head, opening his eyes to the floor. Rina opened the bathroom door, leading him out into the hallway. Once they reached his room, she turned down his sheets, allowing him to crawl back into bed.

“I’ll be right back, okay?”

Donnie let out a tired grumble, lifting the blankets over his head.

As she walked to the kitchen, she passed Mikey’s room. Peaking in slowly, she noticed Leo had dumped Mikey’s tired body onto his hammock. Giving a quick smile, she snuck into his room, pulling the half-off sheets back over his body. Instinctively, he snuggled back into the sheets, giving a content smile.

Finally getting to the kitchen, she placed a kettle on the stove, waiting for the water to get hot. After taking out a purple mug from one of the cabinets, she walked over to the spice cabinet pulled out a jar of Honey, and from the fridge, she grabbed a lemon slice. She placed a spoonful of honey at the bottom of the mug and squeezed the lemon slice. Once the kettle was finished boiling, she poured the hot water into the mug, giving it a slow stir.

Rina began her way back, carefully carrying the mug of hot water. Re-entering Donnie’s room, he wasn’t under the blankets like she left him. Now he was sitting up, slowly scratching at his arms. She moved over to his bed, placing one hand on his shoulder.

Donnie looked over at the mug, moving his hands off of his arms. He grabbed the mug and held it on his lap.

“Are you going to be okay?” Rina watched his fingers tap the rim of the cup.

“I’ll be fine.” Donnie gazed into the liquid.

“I’m staying the night. So if you need me, I’ll be in Raph’s room.”

“Mhmm, sure. Whatever.”

Giving a small sigh, she waved goodnight to Donnie.

“It has been a little over a year since the Krang attack.” Rina thought on her way back to Raph “I know Donnie was trying to get the feeling of the tentacles off of his body. And with Raph still feeling guilty about hurting the boys, it seems they still haven’t healed from the attack. At least Mikey and Leo seem to be themselves. I don’t think anything could ever change them.”

Reaching Raph’s room, she slowly entered the doorway, finding Raph sound asleep. She felt her heart skip a beat as he lay peacefully. A soft smile formed as she made her way over to him. She crawled up onto his chest, laying down in a fetal position across him. Raph began to move slightly, waking up from his slumber. He looked down to find Rina snuggled against him. He felt his face become warm as he cradled his arms around her. He finally was able to relax. Something about her brought him so much comfort. It was like he didn’t need to worry about anything as long as Rina was around. At least he met her after the Krang attack. That way she never got to see him at his worst.

Wooo! If you made it to the end, *confetti* congratulations!

I'm not sure when and If there will be a part two. I want there to be because there is SOOOOOOO much more angst to unpack here. And I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed writing Donnie's part. I'll get to eventually. But for now, I hope you enjoyed the ride.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise movie #rise spoilers #I regret nothing #trauma triggers #Physcial trigger #sensory triggers #rottmnt

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helenwhiteart-blog · 1 year

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Misophonia...another "oh, that's just my autism" moment

Misophonia…another “oh, that’s just my autism” moment

I’ve suffered (I mean SUFFERED) with misophonia all my life and not realised it. Or should I say, I realised I had it alright, I just couldn’t give a name to it and had no idea it had anything to do with being autistic (which, in any case, I didn’t realise I was..until I was 51). That’s a lot of years spent living in the dark with such a primary effect upon quality of life! Misophonia isn’t just…

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#ADHD #anger #articles #autism #highly sensitive #misophonia #neurodivergence #noise intolerance #PMS #POTs and dysautonomia #sensory processing issues #sensory triggers #shame #social challenges #tinnitus

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thesockwhisperer · 10 months

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The 4th of July can be fun but fireworks are the W O R S T. I hope everyone who struggles with the sounds and lights of it all (like me :/) can hopefully have a not terrible night. Same goes for folks with ptsd that is triggered by the fireworks!

Update: I LIVE (barely)

#4th of july #fireworks #nuerodiversity #memes #sensory #spd #ptsd #tramua #triggers #autism #adhd #nuerodivergent #nuerodivergency

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taintedmind666 · 4 months

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He’s a menace for sure

He would have a Tumblr blog if he was real

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werewolfenthusiast · 9 months

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i just found out that getting too excited can trigger sensory overload and that’s why sometimes engaging with special interests can become physically overwhelming

#THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH BUT ITS SO STUPID #i suppose technically i did know that any spike of intense emotion can trigger sensory overload but i never really thought about it like tha #sensory overload is so bad it’s easy to forget that happy emotions can cause it #autism is so weird what the hell man #autism #special interest #asd

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silvermoon424 · 5 months

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Having sensory issues sucks for a lot of reasons, but one of the worst ones is that I'm fully aware that I sound like an insane person when I try to articulate why something bothers me. Like how can you tell someone to stop annunciating their "P's" and "S's" so much or to not rapid fire text you without disclosing that you're autistic and have sensory issues lmao

#I have SUCH weird triggers too #and once something starts bothering me I usually start getting annoyed with other things too #it sucks #sensory issues #autism #actually autistic

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actualaster · 2 years

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I think some people genuinely don't grasp the concept of "sensory issues" when it comes to things like food.

A food sensory issue is not "I don't want to eat that because it isn't my preferred flavor"

A food sensory issue is "something about the taste/texture/smell of this is incompatible with my brain and it makes me gag and if you try to force that into me I will choke on it and/or throw up"

A food sensory issue is "something set me off and now I can't eat for hours because I feel sick to my stomach and there isn't a way to fix that especially if the sensory trigger is lingering like a smell"

A food sensory issue is "you might as well have asked me to eat a bowl full of rocks because this is about as edible to me, no matter how much I wish that weren't the case"

A food sensory issue is "I haven't eaten anything decent in 3 days because I haven't had a chance to go to the store and I don't have anything left I'm physically capable of eating"

A food sensory issue is "I'm super fucking hungry but I took one bite and no matter how hard I tried to eat it I automatically gagged it back out because my body completely rejects it because of the taste/texture/smell"

A food sensory issue is "struggling to maintain a passable diet so you don't have a bunch of deficiencies because what you can eat is restricted"

Quite frankly, food sensory issues should really be treated similarly to food allergies in that you cannot safely try to trick or force a person to eat them.

#sensory issues #autism #legit when something sets mine off it 100% shuts down my ability to eat no matter how hungry i am #it makes me feel sick to my stomach if i don't immediately remove the trigger (or myself if its a smell)#there's plenty of stuff that i dont really *like* but i *can* eat in a pinch i just opt not to if avoidable #but there's other things that if the choice was between eating them or starving to death there's #a real high chance I'd just die because i physically cannot force my body to accept them as food #some things have gotten better over the years and i can either manage to eat them or at least the smell doesn't prevent me eating #but there are others that i simply cannot handle and the mere thought of eating them makes me feel sick #ableism #(bc dismissing them is a form of ablemism)

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jewishbarbies · 1 month

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how do you deal with someone when you’re both neurodivergent but they’re convinced they’re somehow more neurodivergent or the only neurodivergent person and therefore need all these different rules and accommodations but they have no problem tone policing you and being generally ableist because I’m so sick of this shit (and no, I can’t block/leave)

#g talks #I’ve made every accommodation asked for #avoided any and all triggering topics mentioned #help them with their sensory overload #and basically give them all my emotional energy #but they keep triggering me and not caring when I mention it #doing a lot of rules for thee but not for me #and no amount of having convers about it has brought about changed behavior #they just keeps dismissing me and trying to gaslight me about it #while demanding free emotional labor #mine #/mobile #/okay to reblog

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irondadmadlads · 8 months

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Irondad Prompt #192:

TW: Sensory Processing Disorder, Eating Disorders, Avoidant/Restrive Food Intake Disorder/Selective Eating Disorder. Please stay safe and skip this prompt if these topics will upset you

Ever since the bite, Peter’s been weird around food. Sure, he needs to eat more because of his metabolism, but he just doesn’t seem to have an appetite and even small meals fill him up. Not to mention, he’s oddly selective. Sure, he’d theoretically love to try the new thai place with May or shawarma from Tony’s favorite restaurant, yet the thought of trying something unfamiliar causes his heart to beat out of his chest.

When Tony and May notice his odd behavior they set up an appointment with Dr. Cho. After a few evaluations, she comes to the conclusion Peter is struggling with Avoidant/Restrive Food Intake Disorder - an eating disorder in which someone finds difficulty in eating certain foods due to their sensory inputs* (looks, smells, feels, etc).

A/n: With all prompts, please tag me if you write them, but especially this one. It’s very personal to me.

*There’s more than one type of ARFID. What Peter is struggling with in this prompt is the avoidant type.

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brotherlysuggestion · 8 days

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Hey, for any of my little sibs trying to learn to eat salads/vegetables but running into a lot of unhappiness/failure/sensory issues, I recently started learning to eat veggies after a lifetime of struggling due to autism and sensory issues, and I have some tips that I’ve collected along the way!

Forget all about the “healthiest varieties” or “most nutritional salads” elitism.

A lot of that talk is based on bogus science or half-truths to begin with, but even for anything that’s true, you’re trying to eat in a way that is sustainable for you. You don’t need to be like anybody else. If you like iceberg lettuce, screw the people who say “well that doesn’t have any nutritional value”. It’s fiber and roughage if nothing else! You like a lot of dressing or add ins and people tell you that isn’t a real salad/isn’t a healthy salad? It’s more vegetables than no vegetables! It gets the greens in your body! Do your thing, you don’t deserve guilt (external or internal) for figuring out your own path.

This is about habit forming and breaking bad associations to form better ones.

Think of this as practice! I eat salads nearly daily when available because I genuinely look forward to them now, but I used to want to retch at just the thought of salad. When I used to think of salads, I always thought of being a kid and trying not to gag while forcing sensory hell so that adults wouldn’t get mad at me. It was punishing for me, and it took a lot of gentle work to change that association! So if you hate salads, really try to identify why. Are they bland and tasteless to you? Conversely, are the bitter flavors too strong? Is it a textural thing? Do you have some highly negative experiences with them in the past?

Don’t force yourself to keep trying something you know you hate.

I personally can’t stand a lot of “ultra healthy” salads that have a lot of different textures/flavors mixed in, and years of trying to suffer through salads like that never made me like them more. Back to the first point again, forget about what you’re “supposed” to be eating and eat what you find the least repulsive tbh.

The greens you choose can make a massive difference, so try a lot of different things!

This is especially important if texture or flavor is an issue for you. Personally I find iceberg lettuce the “easiest” because it has a very mild taste. I started out my adventures in learning to eat salad eating EXCLUSIVELY iceberg lettuce. Butter lettuce or romaine (especially romaine hearts) are others that are popular for being pretty palatable, and I’ve come to love them! And you don’t even HAVE to have lettuce! You can have cabbage, beets, carrots, whatever! Pick a vegetable you like and search for salad recipes using it!

Find a dressing you really like and drench that bad boy if you need to!

Some people really like ranch, or poppyseed dressing, or vinaigrettes, or even sweet dressings with honey and fruit! You can use mustard or honey in dressings! Look up different types of salad dressings and try them all out if you want. Personally, I really like zingy dressings like Italian vinaigrettes or blue cheese, but everyone’s different. You can make a lot of dressings at home, too, and if you have the stuff already it can be a cheap way to find what you like. I know dressing freaks some people out, but referencing my very first point again; some salad is way better than no salad. You may even eventually find yourself able to use less and less once you’re more accustomed to eating salad! So use as much as you need, whether it’s just for now or forever.

Toppings! Salads are allowed to be goodies with obstacles!

Use a protein like chicken or fish (I like tuna a lot) or crumbled bacon, use croutons, hummus, little cubes of cheese or shredded cheese, sliced hard boiled eggs, whatever! If there’s vegetables that you know you like, put those in! I love some sliced cucumber or shredded carrots in my salads. Some people do nuts like almonds or cashews in their salads, some people use chickpeas and corn from a can, and if you’re feeling super adventurous you can try some fruit to sweeten things up! If you like variety then mix warm foods and cold foods, creamy textures and crunchy textures! Make it totally your own. Personally, I’ll sometimes eat around my croutons so that once I’ve eaten all of my greens I have a big, crunchy reward. There’s no rules for how you have to eat something!

Conversely, be as simple as you need to be.

If you need to get used to salads by eating just iceberg lettuce and ranch for a while, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You don’t have to throw the kitchen sink at your salad, even if that’s what helps some others! This is about what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to have salad ingredients… not as a salad!

You can make a green smoothie by blending ingredients if texture is your big issue! Or make a fruit smoothie with some spinach or lettuce thrown in to help you ease into it. Or try dicing up some lettuce, cabbage, and a preferred vegetable or two (avocado, bell pepper, tomato, or cucumber would all work!). Drizzle that with a generous amount of dressing or sauce, and you can use it as a chip dip! Tortilla chips work especially well for this. Or maybe make a vegetable wrap in an actual tortilla? Or throw some chopped up vegetables in your next soup. Even if it’s as simple as putting some lettuce, carrots, or tomatoes into a sandwich, that’s awesome too!

Even outside of salads, experiment with texture for vegetables!

You can roast most vegetables on a sheet pan in the oven (or in an air fryer) for a crispy and crunchy experience! Or you can boil or steam them on a stovetop (or in the microwave) to different levels of softness; you can get most vegetables pretty mushy with enough time, if crunchy textures are hard for you! Looking up vegetarian versions of your favorite meat-including dishes can sometimes also offer great ideas for getting different textures out of vegetables! Try everything that you think you might like: grilling, griddling, roasting, steaming, boiling, sautéing, braising, stir frying, and blanching (which also helps reduce bitterness!) are all different methods to look into, and different methods have different results with different vegetables!

Big takeaway…

Be patient and kind with yourself. Working through food aversions is hard. The goal is gently pushing/testing your boundaries and expanding your comfort zone, NOT forcing yourself. Forcing yourself into extreme discomfort, distress, or pain typically only makes aversions worse! So it’s in your best interest to be patient and go as slowly as you need to. Be proud of yourself for trying, and don’t let anyone (including yourself) make you feel shame for doing what you can.

And obligatory disclaimer:

Please don’t get discouraged if none of these tips work for you! This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I’m not any kind of professional. This is just a mix of tips I’ve seen online, and what worked for myself and my own sensory issues, and I’m still learning more about myself all the time! If you’re struggling, there’s still more out there! You can achieve your goals, I believe in you. 💖

#mod static #food tw #food aversion #autism #sensory disorders #healthy eating #nutrition #long post #text heavy #please let me know anything else that you’d like this tagged as!#I know that this is a sensitive topic for a lot of people #I hope that I address it with enough tact that nobody feels bad #also to anyone looking for ideas for preparation methods #I really like Nutrition By Kylie on YouTube!#she’s a dietician and she is EXTREMELY positive in her outlook and doesn’t shame anyone #and her content is some of the only Healthful Eating type content that not only doesn’t trigger any of my disordered thoughts with food #but actively helps me combat my struggles with it #I really hope that this helps someone. and thank you for reading all of this if you do!#any of my followers with other positive and non-shaming resources or tips that I missed are very encouraged to add onto this btw!!

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gryith · 7 months

Text

The Summer fan's idea of fun:

An average Autumn enjoyer's everyday views:

#one of these things is not like the others #should i tag for gore?#even though its a silhouette and very fake?#autumn #october #halloween #summer slander #I don't actually hate summer I just think it being seen as the best time of year is a result of the industrial revolution #favtories had to close so workers didnt pass out from the heat and as time went on that was taken adventsge of by travel companies #anyway i actually just hate bugs and theyre onlt around in spring and summer #also i have sensory issues triggered by heat

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xx-blueboy-xx · 7 months

Text

Day Two: Pumpkin Patch | Suptober 2023

CW: None!

Words: 1,233

“Dude…this is for literal children.” an exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he stood beneath the warm, October sun. He was standing in the last place one would expect to find a hunter during this time of year. Sam was standing in the middle of a pumpkin patch, while an archangel was kneeling down beside one knocking against the side. As if listening to it to see if it would be good for carving. He found it ridiculous, but couldn’t help the smile tugging on his lips.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, though they were mostly hidden behind the dark sunglasses he was sporting. “I already offered to turn you into a child if that would make you feel more comfortable, but you said no.”

“It’s just -” Sam shakes his head and waves a hand around, gesturing to all the young children around them being led through the path by doting parents. A few older kids were walking around on their own in small groups. Others were daring the corn maze, and he could see a ‘haunted’ hayride in the distance.

“You know how I feel about Halloween. And,” he crosses his arms over his chest, his brows furrowed. “You tricked me. You said this was the case.”

Gabriel grins at him, seeming to have chosen a pumpkin, and the hunter was grateful. They had spent the last thirty minutes here, the blonde absolutely determined to pick the best one. “It is a case! The hayride is haunted, duh!”

The Winchester settled the shorter man with a classic bitch face of his and the archangel sighs deeply. He knew that this was going to be tough. That the man has all kinds of trauma tied to holidays. Why go around celebrating monsters and the supernatural, when he knew what real werewolves looked like. And they don;t have cute fluffy tails or ears. Everyday he came face to face with the things that children wore around as masks, giggling and not caring about the world. Besides, they could never afford costumes, and John never took them trick-or treating. You can’t do that when you hop from motel to motel. It hadn’t taken long for Sam’s obsession with Halloween to have been completely demolished. Much like so many other wonders of childhood.

Gabriel sighs, his shoulders slumping. As much as he likes pushing buttons he knows when to stop, but he would try just one more thing. One last little nudge. God knows, Sam wouldn’t budge anywhere without it. “Just pick one and come carve it with me? Please?”

Sam felt like he was rooted to the soil beneath him. Gabriel rarely ever asked for anything and a little bit of guilt ran through him, as he remembered how excited he had been to drag him here. He bit on the inside of his cheek, he could suck it up for one day. Hell, not even that, only a few hours. It wasn;t even halloween, they still have it three days before then. He runs a hand through his hair and silently wanders down the line of pumpkins. He approaches the nearest one, and he picks it up. It is decently sized and there is a strange large knot on the side - which was a little charming he had to admit. He plucked it from the stem with ease.

He stood with it tucked beneath his arm, and found that Gabriel was grinning with triumph at him. He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t get used to me saying yes to shit whenever you say please.” Sam comments, and the archangel shrugs.

“Once is still more than enough bragging rights! I got the stubborn Sam WInchester to bend to my whims,” he flashes the hunter a sultry wink. “And maybe over a table for me.”

Sam elbows the cackling archangels as his cheeks flood with a maroon blush. “Shut up!”

Gabriel’s snickers slowly die down to something more reasonable, and the pair walk in comfortable silence towards long tables. Chairs have been provided as well, along with any tools one may need to carve a pumpkin. Including a variety of stencils. There are plenty of happy families there and a few sickly sweet couples. Sam feels a little out of place in the festivities as he places his pumpkin down on the table at a pretty empty table at the back. It seems his sudden discomfort didn’t go unnoticed, as he feels a hand gently touch his arm. It’s fleeting but ground him instantly. Sam gives a grateful smile to Gabriel. The archangel knows how nervous crowds can make him.

He expects the man to snap his fingers and some elaborate carving to appear on the pumpkin he has set before himself, and to his shock he watches him pick up a knife. He pushes it through the top with little effort and begins to cut. Sam turns away and he begins to work on his own. He is a little confused as to what he is meant to do, so he merely mimicked Gabriel - he had never done this before, only heard other kids talk about it. He pulled off the top watching the stringy-need of it break away from the inside, seeds falling.

Curiously he reached out and touched the guts of the pumpkin. Instantly he pulled his hand back , a full body shudder bolting through him. Sam’s nose crinkled up and he felt like gagging, but held back the violent response. He put the top of the pumpkin down and aggressively shook both of his hands, everything simply screaming - ew. He frowned, realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to do this as he saw a few kids at the table in front of him dig their hands right in. He chews on the inside of his cheek. Another thing ruined because he couldn’t just be normal.

Those thoughts got cut off, as he discovered gloves sitting beside his pumpkin now. His eyes darted to Gabriel. Who was already elbow deep in his pumpkin. Utterly covered in the guts he was already pulling out. Sam almost felt nauseous just thinking about it. Gabriel was humming a song underneath his breath, and didn’t say a word. Didn’t even acknowledge the hunter as he looked at him. But Sam knew he made these, as he slid them on. He puts his hand back in and pulls some out, this time, without an adverse response. He felt a smile flicker across his face as he flicked it off his hand. Okay. This was kinda fun.

They both work in pretty much silence, broken by the low humming from the archangel. As Sam begins to take fine scraping tools to the inside of his pumpkin, he glances back at Gabriel and feels his breath catch in his throat. The setting sun where it hangs low in the sky is bouncing waves of light off of Gabriel’s hair, making a false glowing halo around his head. As it catches in his gaze they are as blazing golden color, and the joy sp[read through his features - soft and genuine. That is the most breathtaking thing of all.

He opens his mouth to say something stupid, before his mind can catch up when a pumpkin seed is flicked into the side of his head.

“Quit thinking so much and carve, Winchester.”

Sam decides he quite likes carving pumpkins.

#suptober23 #spn ficlet #fluff #sabriel #sabriel ficlet #supernatrual ficlet #sam x gabriel #supernatrual #blueboy writing #sam has a sensory ick moment here because i say so #also projection.#anyways. gabriel healing his hoilday trauma #also there isnt any triggering content but like Sam's shitty childhood is there #per usual haunting the narrative

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