#sabina speaks

[sun-marie]

"I'm sorry, my love..."

Everyone had a rough time getting through the Survivor Trial on Kazuwari, but Aloth's hands getting crushed by a boulder hit Sabina particularly hard, seeing as he's a wizard and he kinda needs those :(

#by the time SSS is over I think Sabina wonders if it was even worth it to put her crew through the hazardous island #also 100% believe she's the type of person to focus on the injuries of the ones she loves and completely ignore her own #(even if her's are worse) #it's not really her fault but she feels like it is anyway y'know? #also for a little context Sabina is speaking in vailian bc she's from Old Vailia~ #pillars of eternity #pillars of eternity deadfire #poe #poe2 #poe: deadfire #watcher of caed nua #pillars of eternity watcher #watcher sabina lancaster #aloth corfiser #aloth/watcher #watcher/aloth #aloth x watcher #my art #sun-marie art #digital art #fan art #fanart #digital illustaration #artists on tumblr #small artist

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

I cannot forgive brutal killing of innocent children, I cannot forget the sight of kids looking for their mother's remnants in the rubble, I cannot take the silence of every single person who could help things get better for Palestinians lightly. I cannot erase this shame I feel for failing them as humans. If you haven't spoken up against merciless killings in Gaza, the endless violence in Kashmir and Manipur, and every other thing that went wrong with mankind, then REMEMBER, you were a part of it.

-Sabina Yesmin

#aesthetic #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my words #poem #my writing #quotes #positivity #gaza #freepalastine🇵🇸 #manipur #kashmir #voice #speak out #sabinayesmin #sabina yesmin

[rustycottoncandy]

Goodnight ^^

#also #random thought od the night #spanish is a beautiful language #I mean all languages are I just really like spanish #I like english too don't get me wrong #but when wrotten and when speaking ig it's not too vulgsr it sounds amazing #I recently started reading a book my dad gave me #La Sombra del Viento #it's in spanish #and it's #GOSH it's beautiful I can already tell I'm going to like this book a loh the expressions and words used sre #mwah #beautiful #a lot of spanish songs are also really beautiful and general poetry sounds amazing #have you listened to Y Nos Dieron Las Diez by Joaquin Sabina #or Es Hora de Marchar by Mägo de Oz? #don't blame you if you haven't but you yotally should #snyay #beautiful langauges #bye

[bradshawsbaby]

SPEAK NOW (TV) WRITING TAG GAME! 💜

Rules: Claim a Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) song for your fic pairings!

Thank you for the tag, @whisperofsong 🥰 This was so fun!

Pairings and songs below the cut!

Bradley & Mrs. Bradshaw - Enchanted

This one makes me think of those early days when Bradley and Mrs. Bradshaw first met at The Hard Deck!

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"

'Cross the room your silhouette

Starts to make its way to me

The playful conversation starts

Counter all your quick remarks

Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you

All I can say is, I was enchanted to meet you

Hangman & Phoenix - I Can See You

This song was literally written for Hannix during their FWB Era!!!

And we kept everything professional

But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

They keep watchful eyes on us

So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

You won't believe half the things I see inside my head

Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet

Rhett & Honeybee - Long Live

Classic childhood friends to lovers!

You held your head like a hero

On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Bobby & Peach - Timeless

Again, Taylor Swift wrote this song just for them!

And, somehow, I know that you and I would've found each other

In another life, you still would've turned my head even if we'd met

On a crowded street in 1944

And you were headed off to fight in the war

You still would've been mine

We would have been timeless

I would've read your love letters every single night

And prayed to God you'd be comin' home all right

And you would've been fine

We would have been timeless

Gallus & Sabina - Electric Touch

They need each other 🥲

I've got my money on things goin' badly

Got a history of stories ending sadly

Still hoping that the fire won't burn me

Just one time, just one time

All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life

Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life

And I want you now, wanna need you forever

In the heat of your electric touch

Rooster & Miss Honey (Coming Soon 😉) - When Emma Falls in Love

A little hint at the new upcoming series!

Emma met a boy with eyes like a man

Turns out her heart fits right in the palm of his hand

Now he'll be her shelter when it rains

Little does he know, his whole world's about to change

Tagging: Anyone who would like to participate! I know not everyone is necessarily a T. Swift fan and that a lot of people have been tagged already, so take this as your invitation if you haven’t done it yet and would like to!

#speak now (taylor’s version) #tag game #writing stuff #mr. & mrs. bradshaw #hannix #rhett & honeybee #bob & peach #gallus & sabina #rooster & miss honey

[mvsicinthedvrk]

@svnlvght​ said : 40 - sabina palpatine & wen kexing

#40 is “飞升” from the tgcf donghua soundtrack! the track is called “ascension” but it also means like flying or soaring. and it’s instrumental but with lots of bells, so that’s what i used as the basis for this.

“Are those real bells ringing, or is it simply someone’s phone?” Wen Kexing asks curiously. It’s not too obnoxious of a sound, but it’s been going on for long enough that either a) the phone’s fallen down a grate never to be recovered and shut off or, if it’s a human ringer, b) the person ringing the bells by hand must have an iron arm to be able to keep it up for this long without pause. 

#;; wkx ;; #;; wen kexing speaks to sabina palpatine ;; #;; spotify meme ;;

[g-xix]

OKAY, GUYS - I HAVE ANOTHER SDMN-CENTRED FEMINIST RANT.

Okay, so, hopefully you all know TheBurntChip (Josh Larkin), and his lovely jovely gf Sabina:

Beautiful couple, seem happy together, no problems there.

One thing i think im seeing with the YouTubers' Girlfriends (let's call them YTer gf's, abbreviated) is that there's a certain trend in assets for which fans pick and choose to determine whether or not a YT gf is "per standard" and collectively liked.

For example, Faith and Talia have gone through shitloads of hate from fans because they actually speak their mind and are consistent with their own personal ethos within whatever content they produce and share online.

Like the whole Mia-sat-on-Ethan's-lap incident which resulted in Faith making a TikTok and speaking out on social media multiple times to call out the fact that yes - she's unhappy about it - and also the fact that it's a very valid thing to be unhappy over

Aaand this created a lot of backlash and hatred from Sidemen fans, because they don't like hearing anything that's inconsistent with what is a stereotypically immature male opinion, generally consistent with patriarchal societal roles... And this is shown through a lot of Talia and Faith's comment sections by the adolescent male SDMN fans

Hence the assumption can be made that Sidemen fans dislike YTer gf's that are too vocal about problems they've faced which aren't relevant to male audiences.

Thing is, there's obviously some YTer gf's that these fans really like, but...

Why do they like them so much???

Well, I think that both Sabina and Tennessee are two YTer gf's that can be used as examples of wamen that are completely adored by these adolescent male SDMN fans.

But their reasons for being so liked to much are so very contrasting.

Tennesse is loved because she's beautiful. We've been through this quite a bit when i went through the whole "I can't believe Danny would put his ex through that" pipeline following Locked In... But it's worth pointing out that (as far as I know), the toxic Fifa fanboys seem to love her because she's a clearly good looking woman who's undeniably got personality too (watched the saving grade pod w her on it last night) and i don't think she's said anything too inconsistent with male opinions yet, sooo... Makes sense why she's liked; imo she plays into the ideal woman from a man's perspective very well

Alternately, Sabina seems pretty reserved on social medias - not really speaking that much as a social media personality, rather just sharing her life on insta n tiktok, whatever - nothing wrong with that.

I think that the fanboys like Sabina quite a bit though, as she posts cooking content on TikTok, and idk why but there's an agenda on social medias atm, that a woman who can cook is wifey material... This woman-must-be-good-at-cooking culture ofc stems from historical patriarchal roles for women to fulfil the duty of housewives, thus being able to cook n clean - but i really have no idea why this still exists in a modern day society considering there's been so many changes within the world which now enables women to work equal jobs as men

I don't know whether this belief of cooking-women being a blessing is a toxic sorta concept though, because there's a certain tenderness and nicety to having someone cook you a meal - regardless of whether it is a male or female tbh

Either ways, Sabina does make meals and does her cooking thing on TikTok really well - like - honestly? Some days I'm jealous that I'm not the one able to eat some of the stuff she can bake n make... Back on track - yes - Sabina bakes/cooks her things n films Chippo's reaction to trying them out

Male audience love this ofc, bc it fulfils the whole woman-cooking-for-partner thing which is favoured amongst males

What's this big whole rant about though?

Well, the male fans hate Faith. Love Sabina.

Okay, cool.

These two facts weren't directly correlated until Sabina's recent post though...

Sabina chefs up some tacos for Chip, and whilst some of the comments are normal cooking TikTok comments, a lot are a bit more... targetted towards Faith:

First time Faith's ever been slewed in Sabina's comment section n the point that i made this whole rant for is that:

BIG UP FUCKING SABINA FOR ACTUALLY REPLYING STRAIGHT WITH THEM

Perfect response imo, not just disagreeing and leaving it open ended, but also pulling Faith up when Faith's been demeaned by these weirdos online

I'm a big supporter of the "you can big someone up without pulling someone else down" notion, and big up Sabina for pulling Faith the fuck up when someone's tried to reduce Faith to praise Sabina

So much respect for Sabina for this one negl - didn't really have any idea about what she was like as a girlie - but this reply's firmly sold me into believing that Sabina is one for the girlies 🙏

(post-writing, blooody hell i realise there's a lot of unecessary waffle here... apologies everyone)

#WAFFLE!! #sabina #chip #chippo crimes #theburntchip #faith kelly #behzinga #ethan payne #tennessee thresh #tennessee thresher #talia mar #danny aarons #sidemen #feminism #youtube #youtuber #girls supporting girls

[adracat]

G Witch episode 16 thoughts

Or the episode where the real plot thickens. No offense to earth and Guel but these are the sort of stakes and drama I'm weak for. Truly a wonderful present to receive on this blessed of Sundays! Just in time for Walpurgisnacht too

And we start off strong with this heated Prospera and Bel confrontation! Cont. from last time, Bel just learned Eri Samaya is not Suletta Mercury or even alive anymore, but a mysterious 3rd thing-- her biometric code uploaded to the cloud aka Aerial. We learn her immature body couldn't handle it so she perished. Eri is now entirely composed of Permet particles, and without Aerial housing her consciousness she'll dissipate. The Gundam is literally possessed by a child's ghost.

And it seems with a permet score of 8, the datastorm can be extended with Quiet Zero and create a space for Eri to live. Or that's the implication, I gather. How exactly that would happen is a mystery though I suspect it would mean granting Eri a new physical body, perhaps by 'overwriting' Suletta's mind/soul. (Well this is sounding familiar, isn't it 3h fans?)

But amid all this, there's the matter of Benerit's leadership. Without Delling, they need someone to control the various corporate beasts so it's decided they'll hold an election. Awfully democratic of them tbh. Though I wager leadership might boil down to whoever can crush hardest in a Mobile Suit royale.

We know Shaddiq will be throwing his hat in the ring, as will our prodigal failson Guel by the looks of it. Speaking of, I wish he had a bigger moment with his brother but maybe later? Their surprise was pretty good, and I enjoyed Guel's talk with Petra. She's grown up quite a bit from the shallow bully/fangirl of the first season.

Moving on to Mio, I went nuts over this shot. Suletta is fulfilling all her promises!! Even cleaned her disaster area of a room and messaging three times per day. She's unnervingly good at following directions tbh.

Adored this so much too. Lauda is grateful to GUNDARM for their aid and subsequently clears them of suspicion in the terrorist attacks. He goes out of his way to say Mio is free from the dueling games too, but Mio could care less about that petty nonsense. Her heart and mind is set on Suletta.

Quick mention to Secilia for being the most relatable person in the show. She just wants to sit on this god forsaken couch, watch the drama, and see who'll be Miorine's husbando. She's so funny, I swear.

And ofc we get spacian/earthian hostility in the wake of the attacks. You can't blame these kids for being scared and lashing out at the nearest targets but also Earth House was clearly not involved and aiding students during. Even Lauda of all people can understand that. They are grieving for a friend apparently which just complicates the situation further. Sad for all tbh

Martin steps up to defend his housemates, which was nice to see, but it's Mio who is able to shut down their hostility with a clever bit of blackmail. She's so cool and taking no one's guff this season

Nika had a brief interaction with Sabina, but it was insightful. We understand Sabina's loyalty to Shaddiq now as she's an earthian who was taken in by Grassley. Like Nika, she wants to become a bridge for spacians and earthians. Their methods contrast Nika's but they're all coming from the same place. Sabina is anyway. Shaddiq is a bit more inscutable.

Detective Mio is exploring all avenues in her quest and the space assembly league are all too happy to collaborate. They all find Shin Sei and Prospera suspicious, it seems. Valid observation. She does manage to locate Nika, sorta, and brings that information back to the others.

Mio is so adorable when Earth House thanked her for everything. This is probably the first time in years people appreciate who she is on her own merits and formed bonds that aren't conditional or tied to her father. It was just a really wholesome moment. Ah I love her and Earth House! Especially after hearing that first drama cd sketch.

Shout out to Till for shipping these two like the rest of us. Solid wingman right there. Poor Suletta doesn't quite know where they stand after all this time and doesn't want to be a nuisance, but still desperate to show Mio her dedication.

Just look at this pathetic puppy face 🥺

Only a monster could say no to that look, and luckily for her Mio is an understanding and loving bride.

Prospera Jumpcare. Watch out y'all, this one has a mean bite. Her showing up suddenly was unnerving. For the love of all that is holy, never do this again lady. Creeping me out somethin fierce.

HOO BOOOY where to begin? So 5lan was rejected from Aerial immediately, unlike when Eri was humoring El4n and Mio. Is this a sign she's grown in power or just fed up with 5lan's gremlin antics? Could be a combo of both! I take this as confirmation there were multiple failed clones/instances of Eri and Suletta was the lone sucess. The others look Eri's age. 12 of them in total, making Suletta unlucky 13.

I kinda felt sorry for 5lan here, cause he has a right to want to live and not be a tool but also... I don't like him and wish him nothing but misery for being a creep + striking Bel, who I do love. Poor Bel is not having a good week in between Prospera's guilting and now 5lan's.

And we finally arrive at THE SCENES we've been waiting for. It's so wonderfully tense but also tentatively hopeful at the start. Suletta who wants nothing more than to bridge the gap and Mio who wants the same.

Mio starts off with an empathetic apology, stating she understands Suletta's choice in ep12 even if it was traumatic for her. But the reconciliation derailed the moment Suletta declares her mother was right after all. She did the right thing. Run gain one, move forward and gain two.

Mio is galvanized by this logic and hastens to ask Suletta how she can smile at something so terrible. She might understand why Suletta killed for her sake, but she doesn't get how Suletta can just blindly accept everything is ok; that murder was right. Then Mio goes directly in, striving to make Suletta understand. She presses her about her mother, asking if Suletta would do anything. Including giving up her dream for Mercury or killing again.

Her answer, while terrible, is yes. To all of it. Suletta would forfeit the school for Mercury. Would kill again at the behest of her mother. Would do anything so long as her mother said it was right.

Suletta only sees the positives. She got to go to school, have friends, and meet Miorine who she loves. All because she moved forward at her mother's demand. It's horrifying but it makes perfect sense why she would think this way. It's clear from her anxious gestures she's not wholly oblivious to the horror either, but deems her discomfort inconsequential when she gains so much from obeying.

Hearing this speech is the breaking point for Mio who dashes away, leaving a forlorn Suletta to gaze after her. And we're swiftly shown what exactly she has on her mind

This scene was electric from the start. Someone is finally calling out Prospera's manipulation and while she's unflappable as always you have to admire Mio's fire. She wants Suletta to be freed and doesn't care a whit what Prospera thinks.

GOOOOOD this quote. We know Mio loves Suletta genuinely but Prospera only sees her 'daughter' as a tool to be tossed around and used by others. Her phrasing is disgusting in this exchange. 'She's a good little girl, isn't she?' *shivers*

Prospera proceeds to lay her cards on the table and is amazingly forthright, declaring her intent. She reveals her hungry fixation for vengeance and 21 yr long grudge against Delling.

Ngl it's pretty hilarious that Mio doesn't mind the idea of these adults killing themselves fighting each other so long as she and Suletta are left alone. Mio in protective wife mode fr.

It's not that easy however, as Prospera coerces Miorine to help her with QZ. And the first step is to become president of the Benerit group. Miomio for President 2023!! Will she find a loophole from this dire situation? Cast your votes now as we await what becomes of our stellar cast until the next Suletta Sunday~

#gundam witch from mercury #g witch #sulemio #miorine rembran #suletta mercury #prospera mercury #belmeria winston #nika nanaura #g witch spoilers #g witch episode 16 #suletta x miorine #you can do it Mio!! #it's rough being the dueteragonist

[nile-the-empathy-cleric]

Hello! I am just starting my journey on reconnecting with my traditional roots as an Italian practitioner. My great grandparents came from Italy in the mid 1900s, but unfortunately passed before I had the pleasure of asking about their practices. Can I ask a good starting point for someone who is trying to reconnect all on her own?

Hello!

I am so happy that you are wanting to reconnect with your roots! I'm sorry you didn't get the opportunity to ask your grandparents, my deepest condolences for your loss.

In terms of resources, my recommendation for anyone starting out is to go to folklore sources or to read books by authors who don't simply reference other witchcraft authors. I highly recommend reading Italian Folk Magic: Rue's Kitchen Witchery by Mary-Grace Fahrun. It's mostly her personal experience with Italian folk-Catholicism and magic with plenty of anecdotes, recipes, superstitions, and various rituals. I think it's probably the best widely available source out there. She also has a youtube channel! In a similar vein, the website Italian Folk Magic has some great posts about Southern Italian and Sicilian magic.

Other online resources I've found useful are Gail Faith Edwards' writings on Southern Italian healers and folk medicine (it's split into 2 parts–– there's a lot of great information if you're into herbalism/ green witchcraft). I also love this article detailing witchcraft history, superstition, and more throughout Italy. It goes into a lot of detail and has some information about herbal properties and their uses as well.

Here are some festivals and traditions from across Italy tied to folk belief: Focara of Novoli, The Campanacci in Basilicata, The Feast of San Domenico and the Ritual of Serpari of Cocullo, Naca Procession in Southern Italy, Dance of the Devils, Celebration of Santa Lucia, The Feast of Mamma Schiavona––There are many others (mostly Saint feasts) that have pre-Christian roots or have significant rituals attached.

Most information that I have collected comes from anthropological and folklore sources that aren't very accessible. There are some videos available of documentary footage of Italian anthropologist Ernesto de Martino's work detailing folk tradition: here's a clip of La Taranta. This documentary isn't in English, however you can still get a lot out of it even if you don't speak Italian (unfortunately there are no subtitles). The documentarian that worked with de Martino, Luigi Di Gianni gives some of his recollections here. Here is a clip documenting the Feast of Mamma Schiavona. Otherwise, everything else is behind a paywall on sites like jstor, sagepub, and other academic publishers. I would recommend reading anything by anthropologist and folklorist Sabina Magliocco (I have copies of her work), as well as de Martino's Magic: A Theory from the South (which I also have a pdf of). The academic texts can be a little dense and daunting, but they're worth the read.

I have uploaded some of what I have to WeTransfer, but it will only be up for 1 week (until July 10th) so if anyone else would like to download them, you can for a limited time!

#italian folk magic #folk magic #folk traditions #witchcraft #beginner witch #baby witch #witchblr #italian witchcraft #grimoire #book of shadows #streghe #stregoneria #benedicaria #witch tips #long post #witches of tumblr

[richincolor]

We have a ton of books on our calendar for July, so I thought it would be fun to highlight a few that caught my eye. Are any of these on your TBR list?

All the Yellow Suns by Malavika Kannan

A coming-of-age story about a queer Indian American girl exploring activism and identity through art, perfect for fans of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Sixteen-year-old Maya Krishnan is fiercely protective of her friends, immigrant community, and single mother, but she knows better than to rock the boat in her conservative Florida suburb. Her classmate Juneau Zale is the polar opposite: she’s a wealthy white heartbreaker who won’t think twice before capsizing that boat. When Juneau invites Maya to join the Pugilists—a secret society of artists, vandals, and mischief-makers who fight for justice at their school—Maya descends into the world of change-making and resistance. Soon, she and Juneau forge a friendship that inspires Maya to confront the challenges in her own life. But as their relationship grows romantic, painful, and twisted, Maya begins to suspect that there’s a whole different person beneath Juneau’s painted-on facade. Now Maya must learn to speak her truth in this mysterious, mixed-up world—even if it results in heartbreak.

What a Desi Girl Wants Sabina Khan

The romance of Becky Albertalli meets the nuanced family dynamics of Darius the Great is Not Okay in this YA novel from acclaimed author Sabina Khan. Mehar hasn't been back to India since she and her mother moved away when she was only four. Hasn't visited her father, her grandmother, her family, or the home where she grew up. Why would she? Her father made it clear that she's not his priority when he chose not to come to the US with them. But when her father announces his engagement to socialite Naz, Mehar reluctantly agrees to return for the wedding. Maybe she and her father can heal their broken relationship. And after all, her father is Indian royalty, and his home is a palace--the wedding is going to be a once-in-a-lifetime affair. While her father still doesn't make the time for her, Mehar barely cares once she meets Sufiya, her grandmother's assistant, and one of the most grounded, thoughtful, kind people she's ever met! Though they come from totally different worlds, their friendship slowly starts to blossom into something more . . . Mehar thinks. Meanwhile, Mehar's dislike for Naz and her social media influencer daughter, Aleena, deepens. She can tell that the two of them are just using her father for his money. Mehar's starting to think that putting a stop to this wedding might be the best thing for everyone involved. But what happens when telling her father the truth about Naz and Aleena means putting her relationship with Sufiya at risk . . .

Firebird by Sunmi HarperCollins

Caroline Kim is feeling the weight of sophomore year. When she starts tutoring infamous senior Kimberly Park-Ocampo--a charismatic lesbian, friend to rich kids and punks alike--Caroline is flustered . . . but intrigued Their friendship kindles and before they know it, the two are sneaking out for late-night drives, bonding beneath the stars over music, dreams, and a shared desire of getting away from it all. A connection begins to smolder . . . but will feelings of guilt and the mounting pressure of life outside of these adventures extinguish their spark before it catches fire? -- Cover image and summary via Goodreads

A Guide to the Dark by Meriam Metoui Henry Holt

You can check out of Room 9, but you can never leave. The Haunting of Hill House meets Nina LaCour in this paranormal mystery YA about the ghosts we carry with us. Something is building, simmering just out of reach. The room is watching. But Mira and Layla don't know this yet. When the two best friends are stranded on their spring break college tour road trip, they find themselves at the Wildwood Motel, located in the middle of nowhere, Indiana. Mira can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong and rotten about their room. Inside, she's haunted by nightmares of her dead brother. When she wakes up, he's still there. Layla doesn't see him. Or notice anything suspicious about Room 9. The place may be a little run down, but it has a certain charm she can’t wait to capture on camera. If Layla is being honest, she’s too preoccupied with confusing feelings for Mira to see much else. But when they learn eight people died in that same room, they realize there must be a connection between the deaths and the unexplainable things that keep happening inside it. They just have to find the connection before Mira becomes the ninth.

Rana Joon and the One and Only Now by Shideh Etaat

This lyrical coming-of-age novel for fans of Darius the Great Is Not Okay and On the Come Up, set in southern California in 1996, follows a teen who wants to honor her deceased friend’s legacy by entering a rap contest. Perfect Iranian girls are straight A students, always polite, and grow up to marry respectable Iranian boys. But it’s the San Fernando Valley in 1996, and Rana Joon is far from perfect—she smokes weed and loves Tupac, and she has a secret: she likes girls. As if that weren’t enough, her best friend, Louie—the one who knew her secret and encouraged her to live in the moment—died almost a year ago, and she’s still having trouble processing her grief. To honor him, Rana enters the rap battle he dreamed of competing in, even though she’s terrified of public speaking. But the clock is ticking. With the battle getting closer every day, she can’t decide whether to use one of Louie’s pieces or her own poetry, her family is coming apart, and she might even be falling in love. To get herself to the stage and fulfill her promise before her senior year ends, Rana will have to learn to speak her truth and live in the one and only now.

#all the yellow suns #what a desi girl wants #firebird #a guide to the dark #rana joon and the one and only now #book lists

[greatbritishsimchallenge]

"My Lady, may I speak with you? Privately?" Elisaria asked tentatively.

"Whatever you wish to say to me can be said in front of Lady Sabina. I have no secrets from my love," replied Lady Colette, refusing to look at Elisaria directly.

"Very well," said Elisaria curtly. She exhaled deeply and looked at the floor. "I wish to inform you that I must leave England tomorrow morning. I am bound on a ship to Tartosa. I am unlikely to return."

The atmosphere in the room immediately changed as the Ladies-in-waiting gasped and began to whisper and Colette's face turned red.

"We will leave you two to discuss this privately," said Lady Sabina quickly, signalling for the other Ladies to leave. Before following them, Sabina turned to Colette, who was staring furiously at Elisaria. "Tread carefully, my love," she whispered.

"Eli, what is this nonsense? Why are you leaving? And on the day of my wedding?" asked Colette, raising to stand close to Elisaria.

Elisaria kept her eyes fixed on the floor and forced herself to maintain an illusion of calm indifference while her heart beat wildly in her chest, "I have been invited to Tartosa by Lady Ursula de la Clare. I am to be a guest of honour at a banquet she holds in a few days. I will only make it on time if I leave tomorrow."

"Lady Ursula? Why do I know that name?" Colette paced the room for a second before laughing uproariously, "Oh goodness, you have surely not sunk so low to seek out my scraps?"

"Lady Ursula is a great and noble Lady who first wrote to me. We have become quite close over our correspondence."

"Correspondence? Is that what you call it?" said Colette, quickly losing her smile and returning to a scathing tone. "So, a few flattering letters from another Lady is all it takes for you to betray me?"

Elisaria felt her own anger rising, but kept her eyes fixed on the floor and continued calmly, "I do not seek to betray you. my Lady. It is time for me to find a happy marriage of my own and I hope that after so many seasons of dedicated service, you will wish me well."

"Happy marriage," Colette scoffed. "Gossip is rife of the King of Monte Vista's debts. There is only one reason a great Lady like that would lower herself to marrying a merchant's daughter and love most certainly has nothing to do with it. If you cannot see that then you are a greater fool than I ever thought."

Of course, Elisaria knew that Colette was right. The many letters she kept in her desk were not there because of her charm or wit or even her beauty. None of them truly knew her or cared to know her. They knew she was rich, and that was enough. In her own way, though, Elisaria was no different. She knew these suitors had power and status and could take her far away from Windenburg - and that was all she needed. Still, she found herself becoming choked up and fought to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"While it may be arranged for political reasons, that does not preclude the growth of great love and affection," Elisaria replied. "After my time writing to Lady Ursula, I feel quite sure that she is a great match who will love me dearly and I her."

Colette shook her head disdainfully, "She will not love you because she will not know you. Within a day you'll change yourself to be whatever she is and pretend that is who you are. You are a hanger-on, a follower, who does not have what it takes to truly be a great Lady. You are simply a peasant playing dress up."

The venom in Colette's voice was the final straw for Elisaria and she broke down in tears. While she had expected anger, she had also hoped that Colette's previous affection for her would lead to at least a little sorrow, regret - perhaps even a request to stay. Now, clearer than ever, Elisaria could see how little Colette cared.

"Go," spat Colette. "Leave me. Do not expect to hear a congratulations from me on your engagement. Do not expect to see or hear a word from me ever again."

As she ran from the room, Elisaria pushed past Sabina, who looked over her shoulder and called cheerfully, "Bon voyage!"

With Elisaria gone, Colette turned to Sabina as if to angrily complain about Elisaria's betrayal. Instead, her face crumpled and she began to sob uncontrollably.

Start (Iron Age) | Start (Roman Britain) | Start (Anglo Saxon) | Start (Medieval)

Previous | Next

#did Colette truly care about Elisaria? #Did Elisaria really love Colette? #Is Colette right about Elisaria's next marriage being doomed?

[gojonanami]

"Hey, quit hogging the popcorn," I snap, rolling my eyes at Satoru, who's sprawled on my couch like a lazy cat, legs hanging off the edge. "It's not just yours, it's mine too."

Satoru grins wider, looking amused. "Oh, is it now? It's your property?" he jests, but he does place the popcorn bowl on the coffee table, giving in.

I walk over to the couch, grab Satoru’s legs, pull them off, and take a seat, placing the bowl in my lap.

On my television screen, Sabina’s Tumblr blog page is projected. I turn to Satoru, eyebrows furrowed.

"You keeping up with the news?"

Satoru chuckles. "It's good fun, you know." He shrugs, propping his head up on his elbow. "I'm just glad I have no competition. Like Suguru. Suguru’s suffering, you know? Before getting the girl and all. And Yuta as his competition? Hilarious, man."

The popcorn falls out of my mouth clumsily.

"So, are you team Suguru?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"Hell yeah. Suguru is my one and only, after all. Can't betray my man, now, can I?"

I cringe painfully. "Please don't speak like that in the future," I warn, adding, "and don't try adopting a British accent either. You can't do it, I'm afraid."

He frowns briefly, but then laughs, not offended at all.

"Sure."

Then his eyes sparkle, as if he knows a secret. "You're team Suguru, right?"

I blink, then glance down at the popcorn. I've nearly eaten it all.

"Yes."

My voice softens. "I like the idea of a poodle," I say quietly.

Soft little paws pad towards us as a small, fluffy angel approaches, tap-tapping its way to the couch. With determined eyes, he jumps precisely onto Satoru’s lap, onto Satoru’s balls, causing him to groan and curse.

"Damn it, Yuta! Why did you have to jump like that? Couldn't you have warned me?"

Yuta says nothing. He's a dog. Instead, he settles into a little croissant shape on top of Satoru, completely oblivious.

I blink and continue eating the popcorn.

"Let's go through the asks again. I want to look at the memes one more time."

oh my god this is so precious 🥹💕

satoru is very much a lazy cat that needs to be sprayed with water 🫶🥹 my page projected up 😭 I will cry if I ever saw that

the way I can hear satoru say “hilarious” — also poor suguru hahaha — a poodle named yuta 🥹🥹🥹 also satoru deserved that, good job yuta

this made me so soft 🥹💕😭 also the memes 💕🥹

#sab [asks] #sab [anons] #sab [favs]

[sun-marie]

Pillars of Eternity: Deadfire spoilers, but I finished it the other night and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how juicy this story is for a Drifter!Watcher and I need to talk about it at least semi-coherently.

In my memory, nearly every time you talk to/about Eothas you have the option to justify your pursuit of him by the fact that he destroyed Caed Nua. Obviously sometimes this is meant to be comedic (calling the God of Rebirth a "jackass" was one of the more surreal moments of this game), but from what I could see it is pretty consistent; whether the Watcher is talking to the other gods about Eothas or talking directly to him (including the final confrontation with him), they can swing back around to the same thing; "You destroyed my castle and you need to answer for it."

And I just think this is so interesting for my Watcher, who has the "Drifter" background! Sabina wasn't one by choice, and the reason she came to The Dyrwood was to start over, away from the people who have been chasing her, and settle down. While it didn't happen the way she expected, Caed Nua gave her the one thing she always craved, which is stability. For five good years, she remains in her new castle in the Dyrwood, gains a respected place in the community as its Lady, and finally has a home to call her own.

And then a big green giant rips it away from her in an instant, and she wakes up on a boat, in the middle of the sea. Drifting.

And suddenly she's right back where she started, wandering from island to island, never fully stationary. While she grows to love her crew and the ship itself (annoyingly, being a ship captain comes very naturally to her) and finds a new kind of home in them, she never really gets over the loss of Caed Nua. It was her castle, yes, and while she enjoyed the luxuries of being a Dyrwoodan Lady, that was never really the point. It could have been a run-down shack in the middle of the woods for all she cared, what mattered was that it was her's. And even so, it was deemed acceptable collateral damage by Eothas, and that stained whatever relationship they could have, and even her relationship with the other gods. Not to mention she has precious little time to even process her grief for it, or for the people there.

It feels so petty to say that you still haven't forgiven Eothas for destroying Caed Nua in your final conversation with him, after everything else that's happened since then, and that is precisely why it's so juicy. Whatever else the Watcher may be, they are still mortal, and the damage done to them is just as lasting and as unfair as it would be with any other mortal.

And the final nail in the coffin is that once it's all finally over, Sabina leaves most of her companions in Deadfire (including her new partner Aloth) to go... home. Wherever that is now. It's not in Deadfire. And neither is it in the Dyrwood, not anymore. Until she can find it again, she'll be left, once again, drifting from place to place.

#pillars of eternity: deadfire spoilers #pillars of eternity: deadfire #idk what this is but this game has me climbing on the walls #it's such a like understated tragedy bc it's not really focused on #but I really feel like something broke inside Sabina during this adventure #something that even survived her mind literally falling apart years ago #also I know the game's language makes it sound like Aloth leaves you but considering that the Watcher goes home without any other companion #I feel like it's more likely he stayed in Deadfire to continue his work while the Watcher leaves it for the Dyrwood(?) #marie speaks

[whispersofthepurplevalley]

If you have known me for my words, be prepared to know me by my silence, for the rage burning the world has made me quiet: I speak not anymore. I only see and I write.

~Sabina Yesmin

#aesthetic #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my words #poem #my writing #quotes #sabina yesmin #sabinayesmin

[ukrfeminism]

2 minute read

TW: femicide.

A dangerous sexual predator who brutally beat to death aspiring lawyer Zara Aleena as she walked home alone from a night out with friends has admitted murder.

Jordan McSweeney, 29, trailed Ms Aleena through the streets at night before launching a ferocious attack, sexually assaulting her, and leaving her to die on the driveway of a home in Ilford, northeast London.

McSweeney, a heavily convicted criminal, carried out the attack in the early hours of June 26, just nine days after he had been set free from prison.

The “savage and brutal attack” on Ms Aleena, 35, was caught on terrifying CCTV, while McSweeney had been seen following a series of other women earlier in the evening before selecting Ms Aleena as his victim.

At the Old Bailey on Friday, he pleaded guilty to murder and sexual assault, and now faces a life sentence. The guilty plea follows a series of aborted court hearings when McSweeney had avoided psychological assessments, refused to leave his prison cell, and was suspected of attempting to disrupt court proceedings.

Mrs Justice Cheema Grubb adjourned sentencing to December 14, when members of Ms Aleena’s family will outline the impact of the murder on them.

In the days following her murder, her family paid tribute to Ms Aleena as a “joy to all of us” who had set her sights on becoming a lawyer at the age of five.

“Zara was friendly, she was everybody’s friend. She was everybody’s daughter, everybody’s niece, everybody’s sister, everybody’s cousin. She was pure of heart.”

Referencing the murders of Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa, the family said Ms Aleena “walked everywhere” and “believed that a woman should be able to walk home”. 

“Sadly, Zara is not the only one who has had her life taken at the hands of a stranger. We all know women should be safe on our streets. She was in the heart of her community, ten minutes from home”, they said. “In a savage, sickening, act she was murdered by a stranger.”

At an earlier hearing, prosecutor Oliver Glasgow KC said the attack happened at around 2.45am when Ms Aleena was minutes away from reaching her home following a night out with friends.

He said McSweeney caused the “violent death of Zara Aleena who was attacked in the early hours of the morning of June 26”, saying she was “a lone female late at night making her way home, a woman who stood no chance”. 

“Emergency services were called after her body was discovered in a driveway on Cranbrook Road.

“She was bleeding, struggling to breathe, and had clearly sustained serious head injuries. She was also partially naked.

“The injuries she had sustained at the hands of this defendant were so severe that nothing could be done to save her.”

Ms Aleena studied law at the University of Westminster and she had recently completed a Legal Practice Course to be able to practise as a solicitor. Introducing the evidence, Mr Glasgow said: “Eyewitnesses and CCTV directly links this defendant to the savage and brutal attack on Zara Aleena.

“In the early hours, he was following and observing a number of different women. He was obviously interested in them and their movements. Tragically, for Zara Aleena, it was her on whom he became fixated.

“He is seen on CCTV to set about her on the ground. He is seen kicking and stamping repeatedly on her body.

“When the body was discovered, she was clearly already fatally wounded as a result of the onslaught.”

The court heard McSweeney was tracked to a caravan when police officers discovered a bag of blood-stained clothing and shoes.

His fingerprint was also found in blood at the scene of the attack. 

The killer, from Dagenham, refused to speak in his police interview and repeatedly refused to leave his prison cell as court proceedings progressed.

When his barrister asked for a further delay to proceedings, the judge replied: “The defendant has now had three opportunities to meet with the psychologist and he hasn’t attended on any of them. He hasn’t attended today, and I am not prepared to put the case over until November.”

The court heard he made threats to police officers after his arrest and claims to suffer from ADHD and a split personality disorder.

McSweeney has 28 convictions for 69 offences, including for assaults on police officers and members of the public.

He was released from prison on June 17, 2022, after serving his latest sentence for burglary and theft of a motor vehicle.

[bradshawsbaby]

Si Vis Amari Ama

IV. Kissed by Fire

SERIES MASTERLIST

Pairings: Rooster (Roman Name: Gallus) x Female Reader (Roman Name: Sabina), featuring Hangman (Roman Name: Carnifex) x Phoenix

Summary: A girl whose freedom was stolen to pay her father’s debts. A gladiator enslaved for the entertainment of Rome. A love they never thought possible.

Author’s Note: This chapter ended up being a beast to write! It’s very Hannix-centered, so that you can have a little bit more context and background regarding Carnifex and Phoenix’s relationship. But fear not, for there are hints of Gallus and Sabina as well, and we’ll be back to our main protagonists in the next chapter!

Word Count: 11k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Explicit sexual content, slavery in the ancient world, gladiatorial training/combat, discussion of minor injuries, brief language, slight angst, idiots in love, alternating point of view.

She hadn’t meant to get tangled up with him. She really hadn’t. Yet here she was.

Phoenix prided herself on being a rational, intelligent, level-headed woman. Perhaps it was her Greek heritage, or maybe it was the fact that she had learned long ago that the less you said and the more you listened, the better off you would be in this world. Either way, in the years since she had been robbed of her freedom, she had learned to rely on no one but herself, save for a few trusted friends for whom she would gladly lay down her life. She didn’t expose herself to unnecessary dangers, and she didn’t enmesh herself in anything that would make life harder than it already was. She avoided complications at all costs.

Until him.

She hadn’t been able to stand him from the very first day he’d entered the ludus of Atticus Cornelius Juventus. A great champion, Dominus had called him while gloating about his latest acquisition during a dinner party. A mighty warrior. The only gladiator he had ever seen who could give even Gallus a run for his money.

Phoenix knew then who he was speaking of—Carnifex the Gaul. He was the opponent who had given Gallus the scar on his shoulder, the one whom her old friend detested so wholly and complained so bitterly about whenever they were pitted against one another.

She only had to know him for a day before she understood the sentiment.

Carnifex, the man so named because he had somehow managed to survive the hangman’s noose when his village in Gaul was put to Roman flames, was the smuggest man she had ever known. And that was saying something, considering she’d spent the better part of her life catering to the whims and fancies of some of the most spoiled men the Roman Empire had to offer. He was arrogant. Obnoxious. More in love with himself than Narcissus, and quick to throw all his fellow gladiators to the lions if it meant more fame and glory for himself.

He made her blood boil.

And what was worse? He knew it.

Almost from the moment they first met, Carnifex seemed to make it his personal mission to get under her skin as often as he possibly could. Whether it was winking at her from across the training grounds while she was working around the ludus, making disparaging comments about Gallus and the others when he knew she was within earshot, or smirking skeptically when she came to assist Titus with the gladiators’ medical needs, he seemed to know all the ways to make her grow hot with a rage so potent she almost thought it would choke her one day.

“Has he always been so unbearable?” Phoenix huffed in annoyance as she bandaged one of Gallus’ hands one day after a morning training session. Carnifex stood about twenty feet away from them, bragging to the younger, more inexperienced gladiators about his most recent victory.

“Always,” Gallus muttered darkly, frowning in the other gladiator’s direction for a moment before shifting his attention back to her. “Trust me, he hasn’t changed one bit since his arrival here. If anything, he’s only gotten worse. Keep your distance from him, as much as you can.”

Phoenix knew without having to ask what Gallus really meant when he shot her a pointed look. It was no secret among the household slaves that Carnifex was notorious for bedding the prettiest slave girls. And because he was a Pugio, one of Atticus’ champions, he got his pick of the litter. He never lacked for any willing volunteers either. She couldn’t count how many times she’d witnessed giggling, simpering girls tiptoe out of their slave quarters in the middle of the night, only to return a few hours later with hushed, breathless stories of what an incredible lover Carnifex the Gaul was. The others may have listened with bated breath, but Phoenix just covered her ears, shut her eyes, and tried to block them all out.

“After all these years, do you really think so little of me that you suppose I would fall into bed with a man like him?” Phoenix demanded, tying off Gallus’ bandage with a little more force than was strictly necessary.

Gallus winced slightly, a chastened expression in his dark eyes as he looked at her. “No,” he replied firmly, and she knew he meant it. “It’s him I’m wary of, not you. I just don’t want him getting any ideas in his head where you’re concerned, thinking that he can—”

“He won’t,” she cut him off, glancing over her shoulder at where Carnifex stood, having moved on from regaling his captive audience with tales of his conquests in the arena to tales of his conquests in bed. She felt the distaste on the back of her tongue like sour milk as she turned back to Gallus. “Trust me, he suffers from no lack of female company in this household.”

Gallus didn’t look so certain, but he let the matter drop.

His rivalry with Carnifex, however, was not as easy to let go of. Even as the months wore on, the two of them couldn’t seem to let go of the deep-seated tension and competition that had marked their relationship for as long as they had known one another. Being members of the same ludus, they no longer competed against one another for the crowds, but within the training arena, it was another matter entirely. Phoenix watched each day as they brutally battered one another, two powerful men refusing to cede the upper hand.

On a few occasions, however, the battering went beyond mere combat training. Brawls weren’t uncommon among gladiators—they were basically an occupational hazard—but between Gallus and Carnifex, they had a tendency to turn ugly and to turn ugly fast.

Atticus greatly frowned upon disorder in his ludus, so whenever a fight broke out between two of his greatest champions, everyone else was quick to step in and stop it. Magnus, Pollux, Felix, Caius, even Titus, were always on call to tear the two of them apart when things got too vicious.

On a few occasions, when she’d been near at hand, even Phoenix had gotten involved. No matter what had happened, or who had done what to whom, she always gave Gallus her attention first.

“Sure, take his side, like you always do,” Carnifex spat one day, nursing what was sure to be a black eye.

She was startled by the heat in his voice. As much as he seemed to love tormenting her, his tone was always teasing and borderline playful. But today, it sounded like there was something akin to anger in it. Hands still resting on Gallus’ shoulders, she turned to look at him and didn’t fail to notice the way his jaw tightened when he looked back at her, his eyes flickering down to her hands and then flitting back up to her face. Something burned in those green eyes of his that she couldn’t quite name.

“Forget it,” he snapped, kicking aside his sword and shield as he pushed past the others and stormed back to his cell.

She cursed herself for not being able to get that encounter out of her head for days afterward. What had upset Carnifex so deeply? Why had he looked at her like that? And why did it seem that his eyes now followed her whenever she was around the ludus, especially when she was talking to Gallus?

He drove her mad. 

Truly. She must have been going mad. That was the only reason she could come up with to explain why such an infuriating, insufferable man as Carnifex the Gaul was taking up more and more space in her head. At night, when the other girls giggled about his smile, she couldn’t help but recall the way it had touched his eyes when he’d turned it on her after his training bout. When they whispered about his muscles, she couldn’t fail to remember the way the sun glistened off his slick skin as he trained, his muscles rippling as he hefted his sword and shield with an ease almost too great to be believed. And when they gossiped about his talents in bed, she burned with an ache that settled deep in the pit of her stomach, pooling between her thighs until she squeezed her eyes shut and forced her traitorous body to go to sleep.

This was Carnifex they were talking about. Cocky, selfish, arrogant Carnifex. She would not allow herself to become another one of his playthings.

Yet each time she was around him, she realized with horror, her defenses seemed to crumble more and more. One afternoon, while she was handing out water to the men, he even managed to coax a smile out of her.

“Look at that,” he whistled softly, taking a satisfied gulp of water. “I finally managed to make the Grecian goddess smile.”

She flushed at his words, mentally kicking herself for it all the while. “I am capable of it, you know,” she shot back, arching a dark eyebrow as she gazed up at him.

“Perhaps, but I’ve never seen it,” he returned evenly, his green eyes sparkling in the midday sun.

“Maybe that’s because you don’t do anything to make me smile,” she offered, rolling her shoulders back and standing up straighter.

He leaned in a little closer, his breath tickling her cheek as he whispered, “Until now.”

She couldn’t help it. She blushed. And he smiled.

Damn him.

He got under her skin and he knew it. He enjoyed it.

From that day on, the two of them danced around each other, sparring with words the same way he and Gallus sparred with swords. And though she would never admit it out loud, Phoenix enjoyed the challenge of matching wits with Carnifex. He kept her on her toes, always pushing back and eliciting her own competitive streak as she strove to outsmart him.

Whenever Pollux or Felix or Caius or Gallus shot them sideways glances, eyebrows raised or silent looks exchanged among them, she always scoffed and brushed it aside. There was absolutely nothing going on between her and Carnifex, and there never would be.

Or so she thought.

She hadn’t intended to be over at the ludus that afternoon, too busy helping to prepare the household for a banquet that Atticus and Aurelia would be hosting in a few days time, but Titus was currently tending to Atticus’ ailing mother and had asked her to look to any injuries the men sustained during their training bouts.

As she approached the small arena where Gallus and Carnifex were training, she could feel the tension pouring off them in waves. They were both sweating and grunting, looking the worse for wear but unwilling to yield or admit defeat.

“Give it up, Gallus,” Carnifex growled through gritted teeth, bringing his sword down sharply against Gallus’ shield. “One of these days, that good fortune of yours is going to run out.”

“Maybe so,” Gallus snarled in return, lunging at Carnifex and aiming his sword at his exposed side. The other man quickly parried, jumping back to avoid the disastrous blow. “But not today.”

Phoenix felt her heart squeeze inside her chest as she watched the two of them go at it, viciously swiping and pouncing at each other. She noticed, with a stab of fear, the way that Gallus was starting to slow down, his breathing growing more labored as he tired out.

Carnifex noticed it, too. Not failing to take this rare opportunity, he lunged forward and expertly knocked Gallus’ sword from his hand, kicking it across the sand so that he would be unable to retrieve it. Smirking, he held his own sword up and aimed it at Gallus’ throat.

Chest heaving, Gallus just stared down his opponent, his shield still strapped to his arm as he realized that there was no way out.

“And so Carnifex the Gaul bests the Barbarian from Britannia,” Carnifex crowed triumphantly, slowly edging closer. He threw his sword and shield down, as they always did at the end of their training matches. “Looks like Rome will get to cheer for another dead Briton.”

Phoenix froze at his words, a feeling of dread sinking into her bones as she looked over at Gallus. Her friend’s eyes darkened in an instant, and she knew that in his mind’s eye, he was seeing his mother and father, and all of his people who had been slaughtered at the hands of Rome. She watched as something inside him twisted and snapped, and then he was on Carnifex in an instant.

“You son of a bitch!” Gallus roared, lunging at the other man and knocking him to the ground with a loud crash, quickly gaining the attention of everyone else on the training grounds, who immediately came running.

Carnifex made an admirable effort to fend off the blows, but Gallus was in another place altogether as he punched and kicked at his rival, landing one harsh hit after another on the other man’s exposed chest and legs.

“Get the fuck off me, you fucking barbarian!” Carnifex thundered, trying to hit back. It was difficult for him to do so, however, considering Gallus had him pinned to the ground. “Get off me!”

“Gallus! Stop!” Pollux exclaimed, he and Caius rushing forward to try to put an end to the violence. Even with the both of them pulling at him, however, Gallus wouldn’t be stopped.

His eyes had clouded over, and Phoenix knew he was in that place, that place deep inside his mind where he retreated during his fights in the Colosseum, when every decision and every move he made meant the difference between life and death.

But this wasn’t a matter of life and death. At least, not for Gallus. But if someone didn’t do something, it might be a matter of life and death for Carnifex.

“Gallus!” Phoenix shouted over the din of the restless crowd of gladiators, pushing them out of the way as she ran towards the fray. “Gallus!” she screamed again, louder this time, crouching down on the ground behind Carnifex’s head, right in front of him. “Stop!”

The sound of her voice seemed to penetrate that dark place inside him because as he looked up at her, blinking slowly, his fists came to a halt. Gasping for air, he gazed down at a bruised and blooded Carnifex, swallowing when he realized the magnitude of what he had done.

Everyone was silent as Gallus rose on unsteady feet, breathing hard and staring at his bloody knuckles. Phoenix saw shame wash over her friend, and she felt a stab of empathy for him, but she continued to kneel beside Carnifex as Gallus looked from the other gladiators, to her, to the man lying on the ground at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly, turning away from all of them without another word as he stumbled towards his cell and slammed the door shut behind him.

“That damn savage,” Carnifex muttered angrily, slowly starting to sit up and wincing as he did so.

Instinctively, Phoenix reached out her hands to support his back, her eyes quickly scanning to assess for injuries, the way Titus had taught her.

Pollux, Caius, and Felix were quiet, even as the other gladiators began murmuring loudly among themselves, questioning aloud what had happened to set Gallus off so tremendously.

“Back to work!” Magnus shouted, corralling all of the less experienced men back to their training. “There’s nothing more for you to see here.”

“You’re hurt,” Phoenix muttered, running her hands over Carnifex’s tender and swollen flesh.

“I’ll be fine,” he insisted, tensing under her touch.

“You don’t know that,” Phoenix shot back sternly. “Gallus really did a number on you. I have to check you out and make sure you’re okay.”

Normally, she was sure he would have made some ridiculous comment in response to her words, but today, he just looked at her and frowned. “No,” he said flatly.

“Yes,” Phoenix told him stubbornly. Two could play at this game. Turning to her friends, she said, “Felix, Caius, can you help me get him to his cell?”

As they stepped forward, however, Carnifex held up a hand and slowly rose to his feet on his own. “I’m not an invalid. I can get there myself.”

“If you see Titus, let him know what happened,” Phoenix called over her shoulder as she began walking with Carnifex, albeit a bit slowly, across the training grounds and towards his cell.

Once they were inside, Phoenix took charge. Tossing her dark braid over her shoulder, she closed the door behind them and ordered, “Sit,” pointing at his bed in the corner of the small room. She’d been in his cell countless times before, to serve him meals or tend to his wounds, but never by herself. She had never been more aware of that bed.

Carnifex frowned again, but did as she said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed and spreading his large hands out on his thighs, trying not to think too much about the pain that was throbbing in his limbs.

“How are you feeling?” she asked him in a calm, cool voice, stepping closer to him and carefully examining the discolored marks that would soon be bruises all over his body. “And tell me the truth.”

Swallowing back the lie he’d been about to tell, Carnifex sighed quietly as his green eyes searched her face. “I’m in pain. Mostly in my shoulders and my side,” he admitted, although reluctantly. “I might say a lot of things about Gallus, but the man knows how to throw a proper punch,” he grimaced, wincing as Phoenix pressed down on a particularly tender spot on his chest.

“Sorry,” she murmured, trying to be more gentle as she prodded and poked at him. “You said your side? Here?” she asked, resting her hand on a spot midway down his body.

He shook his head, reaching up and placing his large, calloused hand over hers. “No. Here,” he clarified, taking her hand and moving it downwards, until it rested just above his hip.

Somehow the room, already quite small to begin with, seemed to grow much smaller as the air between them grew heavy.

Clearing her throat, Phoenix carefully ran her fingers over the spot he had indicated, feeling for any swollenness that would indicate an internal injury. Thankfully, she found none.

“Well, luck seems to be on your side,” she murmured, glancing up and realizing with a slight start that his face was much closer to hers than she had first thought. “No broken bones and no deep damage, from what I can tell, though I’ll make sure to let Titus know to check you out. You’ll just be sore and have some serious bruising, but nothing you’re not used to.”

He was quiet for a few moments, absorbing her words as he continued to stare at her. “Why are you helping me?” he finally questioned.

“What do you mean?” Phoenix asked, taken aback. “That’s what I do. It’s one of my jobs.”

“You know what I mean,” he said in a low voice, which made her lean in even closer to be able to hear him. “This isn’t an injury I sustained from training. It’s because of a stupid fight I got into with Gallus. And you always take Gallus’ side when we fight. So why are you here, and not with him?”

“Gallus will be fine,” Phoenix murmured. She didn’t want to point out the obvious, but he had fared much better in this fight than Carnifex had. “You were the one who bore the brunt of it.”

“Which was my fault, right? Because of what I said? I’m sure that’s what you’re thinking,” he said, his green eyes boring into her brown ones.

Phoenix took a breath, trying to organize her jumbled thoughts. “What you said—it wasn’t kind, but Gallus shouldn’t have reacted the way he did. I know why he did, but he shouldn’t have. He could have really hurt you.”

“He would have, if you hadn’t stopped him,” Carnifex pointed out, his expression indecipherable. “He listens to you.”

“We’re friends,” Phoenix said, as if that explained everything. “But just because we’re friends doesn’t mean I can’t admit when he’s done something he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t have hurt you like that. But you shouldn’t have said what you said either. Gallus has known more pain than you can imagine.”

“I have known pain, too,” he replied sharply, a trace of bitterness creeping into his tone that she had never heard before.

“I know,” she whispered. “As have I. As have we all. You and Gallus have far more in common than you know, if you would just put aside this petty rivalry.”

Carnifex just waved his hand and turned his face away from her, staring at the wall.

Sighing, Phoenix went to take a step back, but suddenly Carnifex’s head was whipping back around again, his eyes trained on her.

“Are you leaving?” he asked, looking oddly bereft at the thought.

Her mouth felt dry as she looked back at him. “Is there some reason I should stay?”

He didn’t say anything in response to that, just wrapped his fingers lightly around her wrist and tugged her towards him until their chests were pressed flush together. Her breath caught in her throat as his gaze flickered down to her lips. And then he kissed her. With one hand still wrapped around her wrist and the other cradling the back of her head, he kissed her with a hunger and an urgency that she could feel radiating through her body.

But before she could even process exactly what was happening, and what it was making her feel, he pulled back and released her, eyes wide. “I shouldn’t have done that. I—”

She cut off his excuses as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, her fingers raking through his hair, the hair that reminded her of the sandy beaches of home. It took only a second before she felt his arms snaking around her waist, holding her tightly as their mouths melded together, desperate for a taste of the other.

As the kiss deepened, he reached up and buried his fingers in her thick braid, tugging fiercely at it until her beautiful dark hair came loose, cascading down her back. She let out a soft moan at the feel of it, and that sound alone seemed to unlock something feral in them both.

Rising from his bed, Carnifex wrapped his arms more tightly around her small body, pressing her to his chest as the two of them stumbled backwards in a lust-fueled frenzy, grasping at each other as they fell back against the wall on the other side of the room. Another moan of pleasure slipped from Phoenix’s lips as she felt the rough stone against her back, Carnifex’s thick fingers buried in her hair as his kisses began trailing from her lips, across her jaw, and down her neck.

“Phoenix,” Carnifex gasped, peppering her skin with hot, open-mouthed kisses. “Oh, Phoenix,” he groaned, running his hands up and down her body as she gripped his hair and brought his lips crashing back down onto hers. “Been dying to taste you for so long,” he panted against her mouth, nipping at her chin as she angled her face upwards.

“And?” Phoenix murmured, her brain fuzzy with wanting as she trailed a hand down his naked chest. “Was it worth the wait?”

He chuckled despite himself, despite the circumstances. “Yes,” he nodded, lifting a hand to her face and brushing his thumb over her lips. “Most definitely yes. Need to taste more of you,” he moaned, latching onto her throat and sucking softly.

“More,” Phoenix echoed breathlessly, her eyes fluttering as her entire body pulsated with desire. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was crazy. She should leave before they crossed any more boundaries than they already had. But though the rational part of her knew that that was what would be best, she couldn’t force herself to do it. She couldn’t force herself to leave.

“More,” Carnifex whispered, his mouth covering hers as his hands slid up and began gently massaging her breasts through her thin tunic. He kneaded and caressed until her nipples hardened to sharp buds, standing out distinctly against the fabric that covered her. Pulling back just enough to look down and meet her eyes, he raised his eyebrows in silent question.

“Yes,” she moaned in reply, nodding her head slowly. “Yes.”

In an instant, his hands were on the knots at her shoulders, untying them with deft fingers, while she quickly discarded the cord around her waist. With just a gentle push, he sent her tunic pooling to the floor at her feet.

Naked and exposed, she stood before him and watched as he took the full measure of her. His eyes glowed with appreciation and she felt herself grow flushed under his scrutiny.

“You really are a goddess,” he whispered hoarsely, reaching up to cup her bare breasts in his hands. A shiver ran down her spine as he brushed his thumbs over her aching nipples. Eyes still on her, he lowered down slightly so that he could take one into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the bud as he hummed softly.

Her breath hitched in pleasure and she reached up to rest one hand on the back of his head, her other bracing against his shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut as he continued to suckle gently, releasing her breast with a wet pop before moving to the other one. He repeated the process once more, eliciting soft mewls of arousal from her. She could feel herself growing slick with desire for him, a fire kindling deep inside her belly.

Grasping her hips in both hands, Carnifex slowly lowered down to his knees, kissing his way down her stomach and nipping lightly at her smooth skin. She hoped he couldn’t feel the way she trembled beneath his touch, the way her entire body quivered with delight at every kiss.

When she felt his hot breath between her legs, her hips bucked slightly and she let out a strangled gasp, immediately opening her eyes and looking downwards.

“Carnifex, what are you—?”

“Sh,” he murmured, pressing lazy kisses to the front of her thighs. “I wanted to taste you, remember?”

At any other time, she would have been mortified by the moan that escaped her lips at his words, but at that moment, she was too far gone to care. Reaching down and burying her fingers in his hair, she let out a short gasp of surprise when he lifted one of her legs and draped it over his shoulder, supporting her with a hand still on her waist.

“I’ve got you,” he winked, turning his head and smothering her inner thigh with slow, sensual kisses that already had her seeing stars. How would she possibly survive what else he had in store? Heart pounding inside her chest, she watched as his kisses began to trail inward, closer and closer to her center, to the place where her body was crying out with need for him.

When he finally reached the thatch of dark curls between her legs, he reached up with an almost breathless reverence and parted her with his fingers, prompting a small cry to fall from her lips. “Fuck, look at you,” he said quietly, almost to himself, as he slowly trailed a finger downwards. “Already so wet for me.”

“No games,” she gasped out, fighting the urge to press his face between her thighs. “Just….just…oh,” she moaned, her knees going weak when he began tracing the tip of his finger around the tiny bud at her center, the one that made it hard to think or move or breathe when he was touching it like that.

“Just what?” he asked, looking up at her with faux innocence as he pressed a kiss between her legs. “Hm?”

“Just keep doing that,” Phoenix sighed, her head falling backward against the wall. She reached up to run her hands over her breasts, overwhelmed by the sensations suddenly overtaking her body.

“Whatever you say,” he smirked, suddenly leaning forward and diving facefirst, his tongue tracing a trail up and down her soaked opening. Spurred on by her cries of pleasure, he wrapped his lips around her bud and sucked, feeling a surge of triumph when she began tugging on his hair and babbling out his name. Feeling that she was close, he gripped her thigh more tightly and teased her entrance with two fingers, coating them with her slick before slowly easing them inside her tight walls.

“Carnifex!” Phoenix practically screamed, biting down roughly on her lower lip to keep from being overheard. She felt so full, his large fingers stroking her walls as his tongue worked over the source of the most exquisite pleasure she had ever experienced. Unable to stop herself, she pressed her hand against the back of his head and began grinding herself against his face, chasing the high that he was giving her.

“That’s it. That’s my girl,” he praised her, lapping up her wetness like a starving man. “You’re so close, I can feel it. Just let go. Let go,” he encouraged her, squeezing her thigh and increasing the speed of his fingers.

“I—I—I’m—oh, oh, oh!” Phoenix gasped, the fire inside her belly building and building and building until it felt that surely she would be consumed by the flames. But she wasn’t. Instead, that burning sensation came to a feverish crescendo, and then suddenly there were white spots floating in her vision as her body rode out the waves of pleasure that crashed through her, making it impossible to catch her breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, do you know that?” Carnifex almost growled, rising and lifting her into his arms. She was glad for it, because she was suddenly certain she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own. He kissed her then, despite the fact that his mouth and chin were drenched with her nectar, and she found, surprisingly, that she wasn’t at all offended by the taste of herself on his lips.

He laid her down on his bed, and when she looked up at him, she could see his arousal clear as day in the front of the short tunic he wore wrapped around his waist. Sitting up on her knees, she crawled towards the edge of the bed and reached for his waistband, looking up into his eyes.

“Seems unfair that I should be the only one undressed here,” she told him, undoing his belt and pushing his tunic down to the floor, followed by the small cloth he wore for modesty while he was training.

He now stood before her, as naked as she was, and it was her turn to look him over with appreciation. She had known that he had a good body, of course, from watching him train and patching him up. And she’d heard from the girls in the slave quarters that his other assets were more than adequate as well. Apparently, for once, they hadn’t been exaggerating.

“Like what you see?” Carnifex asked with a small smirk, noting the way her eyes widened when she took in the size of his hardened length.

“Very much so,” Phoenix nodded, licking her lips as she felt her desire ratchet up once more. Not wanting to feed his already inflated ego too much, however, she quickly added, “But don’t let it go to your head, gladiator.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he assured her smugly as he pressed her down onto his small bed, clearly designed with only one occupant in mind, and mounted her.

If her body wasn’t craving this forbidden pleasure so badly, she would have been more than happy to smack that self-satisfied look right off his face. But as it was, his lips landed on hers once more and she was able to concentrate on nothing beyond the feel of his bare skin pressed against hers.

Moaning softly into his mouth, she hooked one leg around his waist and buried her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer as his fingers danced across her skin, tracing the contours of her body with a grip that was shockingly gentle, but which hinted at the power and strength that lay beneath the surface. She shivered at the thought of those rough hands, those hands that had ended the lives of so many nameless, faceless opponents, digging into her skin and marking her flesh—marking her as his.

His kisses were everything and nothing like she thought they would be, all at the same time. He kissed her with a bruising intensity, sucking and nipping at her lips as though he wanted her to know that she was his and his alone. Yet at the same time, his tongue was soothing and gentle, tracing the seam of her mouth with an almost painful tenderness. His kisses tasted sweeter than honey and finer than even the best wine their masters served at their fancy banquets.

If a girl wasn’t careful, she could get addicted to those kisses.

Groaning under his breath, Carnifex began muttering to himself as he ground his hips against her, his stiff, pulsing length burning her skin as it rubbed against her thigh. It took her a moment to become conscious of the fact that she didn’t understand the language he was speaking. It must have been the language of his people.

“What are you saying?” she asked, curious despite herself as their mingled pants and moans filled the air.

“Just how fucking crazy you make me,” he confessed, burying his face in the crook between her neck and her shoulder. As he began peppering her shoulder and collarbone with searing kisses, his hand slid down between their bodies, finding the apex of her pleasure once again and rubbing it slowly.

“I like it,” she whispered, running one hand over the planes of his handsome face, her back arching up off the bed as he stoked the fire inside her. “Your language.”

“The Romans find it savage,” he grunted, dipping a finger inside her while he nipped at her jaw.

“I’m not Roman,” she said firmly, spreading her legs wider beneath him and biting down on her lower lip as she felt that burning sensation filling her body all over again.

“No,” he replied, resting his forehead against hers, their noses bumping together as they stared into each other’s eyes. “You’re not.”

Wordlessly, Phoenix reached between their bodies and wrapped her hand around him, drawing a sharp hiss from deep inside his chest. She stroked him softly, feeling how rigid he was with need. Need for her. In that moment, he longed for her just as much as she longed for him. Something about that realization caused a chasm of yearning to open up inside her chest.

Still grasping him firmly in her hand, she drew him closer to her entrance and then released him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders to kiss him once more. He hissed again, but this time it was in pain. Pulling back, she realized with a wince that she had pressed down on one of the tender spots from Gallus’ beating.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, heat rising to her cheeks. “Would you rather we didn’t—”

“Phoenix,” he cut her off, silencing her with a finger to her lips. “The gods themselves could not keep me from you right now.”

He smothered any further arguments she might have tried to make with a heated kiss, cradling her face in one hand as he lined himself up to her entrance with the other. For all their frenzied passion, he took his time about it, teasing her soaked folds with the tip of his length until she finally let out a small grunt of frustration.

“So impatient,” he smirked, slowly pushing himself into her, just an inch or so.

“Oh,” Phoenix moaned, fisting his roughspun blanket in her hands as he gripped her hips, watching himself sink further and further inside her, the both of them gasping at the sensation.

“Fuck,” he grunted once he was fully seated inside her, stilling his hips for a moment and just gazing down at her.

“Don’t stop now,” she told him in a breathless voice, reaching up to trail one hand down his chest and stomach. “Please.”

That little beg was all the encouragement he needed. Resting his hands on either side of her head, caging her within his grasp, he began to rock his hips against hers, her gasps and moans of ecstasy spurring him on until he was pistoning inside her, the sound of his naked body slapping against hers filling the small cell.

“Fuck, fuck, yes!” Phoenix cried out, her dark eyes screwing shut as she clung to him, her nails biting into the thickened flesh of his back, hardened from years of enduring the whip. “Yes, yes, yes, keep going!”

Grasping her jaw in one hand, he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against hers, and told her, “Open your eyes. I want you to look at me. I want to see you when you fall apart for me.”

Her eyes flew open instantly at his words, her pupils blown wide with lust and desire as she gazed up at him, seeing the same feelings reflected in his green irises. She knew she must be close to falling over the edge once more, for she could feel that same all-consuming fire burning in her lower belly, causing her legs to tremble and her breathing to become more shallow.

“Carn—Carnifex,” she groaned, digging her nails into his shoulders while her hips continued to thrust upward, aligning herself with his unforgiving pace as he chased her to higher and higher heights of pleasures. Aphrodite herself would envy her, she was sure of it.

“I know, I know,” Carnifex panted, letting his body drop down on top of hers and pressing his face into her neck. “I can feel you. Oh, you’re so tight. Let go. I want to feel you let go,” he whispered, sucking at the pulse point just beneath her ear.

She was right on the edge, dancing dangerously close to the precipice of no return. Her skin burned with a white-hot fire that he had started inside her, a fire that only he could extinguish. Somewhere in the hazy back of her mind, she couldn’t believe she was here, couldn’t believe she was in the arms of this man who had been the bane of her existence since she first laid eyes on him. And yet, somehow being here also felt so right. Her body felt so alive, every part of her tingling with a newness and a vibrancy that she didn’t understand, but never wanted to let go of.

Tears pricking the corners of her eyes, she cupped his face in her hands and pulled him down to her as she fell apart, her entire body quaking as the flames engulfed her, consuming every part of her until she felt like nothing more than ash and bone. She lay back in exhaustion, her chest heaving and sweat dripping down her body, not a single coherent thought in her head.

She only became aware that he had pulled out of her when she felt a strange emptiness between her legs, a soft, unconscious whimper escaping her lips at the loss.

“I’m here,” Carnifex told her, groaning as he pumped himself above her. “I’m right here.” Sweat poured down his chest, his skin flushed and hot to the touch as he reached his own finish, his seed spilling forth and landing on her stomach. Spent, he collapsed down beside her with a low grunt, struggling to catch his breath just as she had.

They lay side by side like that for several minutes, neither of them saying anything. As they slowly came down from their high, the magnitude of what had just transpired between them sunk in and the air in the room shifted.

Carnifex suddenly reached for her, opening his mouth to speak. “Phoenix, I—”

“I have to go,” Phoenix told him quickly, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of his bed. “They’ll be wondering where I’ve gone. Aurelia is probably looking for me.”

“Phoenix,” Carnifex said again, gripping her arm and sitting up beside her. “Please don’t just—”

“I have to,” she insisted, hurrying to grab a rag in the corner of the room and clean herself up. Without looking at him, she combed her fingers through her tangled locks and, fast as lightning, rebraided her hair, reaching for her discarded tunic and pulling it over her head. She’d gotten used to preparing herself quickly over the years, and within a couple minutes she already had her tunic knotted at the shoulders and the cord wrapped around her waist like before.

Stepping towards the door, she knew she should have walked through it without a backwards glance, but she couldn’t do it. Freezing in place, she turned and looked over shoulder, meeting his eye. He was still sitting on the edge of his bed, watching her. He hadn’t moved to clean himself up or get dressed. His eyes were simply fixed on her.

“We shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t say that,” he rasped, what looked to be pain flashing in his eyes. But maybe it was just a trick of the light. “Please don’t say that.”

“I have to go, Carnifex,” Phoenix murmured, regret coloring her voice. But what it was she was regretting, she couldn’t be sure. Was it falling into bed with him? Or was it the fact that she had caused that wounded expression on his face?

He didn’t say anything in response, just stared at her with those big green eyes until she finally turned away from him and slipped out of his cell, shutting the door firmly behind her.

If only she could shut the door on what had happened between them so easily.

But even as the thought entered her mind, she knew it wasn’t true. She would never be able to erase what had just happened, and the reality was, she didn’t want to.

She had never meant to get tangled up with him, but now she had.

And there was no going back.

He had never meant to fall in love with her. He really hadn’t. Yet here he was.

He should have known from the moment he first laid eyes on her that she would be trouble. She was the most infuriating, difficult, stubborn woman he had ever met. She was also the most beautiful, with those big brown eyes and that dark hair that reminded him of the wings of the ravens that used to nest in his village back in Gaul.

She didn’t like him. He could tell that right from the start. Those pretty eyes of hers always narrowed whenever he was around, her mouth, with those lips that he wanted to taste more than anything, puckered like she had just eaten something sour. She was always by Gallus’ side, so no doubt he had poisoned her against him.

And yet, despite the obvious disdain she felt for him, he constantly found himself caught in her orbit, like a moth drawn to a flame. She might not have offered him smiles or flirtatious giggles like the other slave girls in the household, but he found that the more she pushed him away, the more he desired to be by her side. She might have been infuriating and difficult and stubborn, but she was also witty and cunning and sharp. Every time she lashed him with her tongue, or put him in his place with her quick words, he found himself even more enamored with her.

He ached with need for her, particularly in the moments when she tended his broken body with those skilled, agile hands of hers. Of course the old medicus had chosen her to be his assistant in the ludus. There was no one more capable or intelligent.

There was no one he wanted more.

But she loathed him. She made that clear whenever she was in his presence. And so he chased his pleasure elsewhere, sought to satiate that ache that rested deep within his bones by bedding every simpering slave girl who batted her eyelashes in his direction. They adored him, praised him, coddled him, and begged to be his forever.

But they weren’t her.

Even he had enough shame left within him to feel disgusted with himself on the nights when he closed his eyes and pretended that the girl twisting and moaning beneath him was her. He’d turn his back when he was finished, disappointed when he opened his eyes to find it wasn’t her, and ashamed of himself for thinking it could ever be otherwise.

They never seemed to mind, the endless stream of women who came to his bed. To them, it was enough to have been bedded, even once, by Carnifex the Gaul. That was all he was to them. That was all he was to just about everybody.

He wanted to be more. He wanted to be more to her.

He hated himself for feeling the way that he did. Feelings like this, especially for a woman who couldn’t even stand the sight of him, were dangerous. Love made men weak, and he couldn’t afford to be weak, not when his very life depended on being the best of the best in the arena.

She was a distraction.

She was a stumbling block.

She was a thorn in his side.

She was everything he had ever wanted.

And just when he had been convinced that she was everything he would never have, somehow, by some miraculous intervention of the gods, she had ended up in his arms. In his bed. And for the first time, he didn’t have to close his eyes and pretend, imagining what her body would feel like or what her lips would taste like.

She was real.

She was there.

She was his.

At least, for that brief moment in time. But it wasn’t enough. No amount of time with her would ever be enough, not unless it was eternity.

She dodged him for days afterward, pointedly avoiding his gaze whenever she was working around the ludus, and conveniently finding ways to get around having to tend to his injuries after his training sessions.

It drove him mad.

She drove him mad.

Finally, just when he thought he couldn’t possibly stand it any longer, he managed to catch her while she was on her own, leaving the bathhouse after delivering fresh linens.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” he demanded, cutting straight to the chase as he snagged her around the waist and tugged her into a private alcove.

She looked startled, uneasy, her dark eyes shifting nervously back and forth, as if expecting some hidden figure to jump from the shadows. Not wanting to cause her such anxiety, he let go of her waist, but continued to stand in front of her, blocking her exit for the time being.

“I haven’t,” she lied, shifting back and forth as she blatantly refused to meet his eye. Even she couldn’t possibly believe the words that had just come out of her mouth.

“Phoenix,” Carnifex breathed out, leaning in closer, the tip of his nose bumping against hers as he angled his head downward. He knew the longing was evident in his voice, but he didn’t care.

“Carnifex, we shouldn’t,” she told him in a hushed voice, her breath catching in her throat as he reached up to cup her jaw, his rough thumb brushing against her skin.

“But we did,” he countered, his lips hovering above hers, waiting for her to push him away. When she didn’t, he closed the gap between them, slotting his mouth over hers and kissing her slowly, gently.

“This is foolish,” she rasped when they finally broke apart, her dark eyes turned upward to meet his gaze. “Someone could see.”

“So let them see,” he insisted, cradling her face in his hands and leaning in to kiss her again.

“No,” Phoenix shook her head in frustration, pushing him back. “No, it’s a terrible idea.”

“I want you,” he confessed, keeping a distance between them so as not to upset her further. What he felt for her went so much deeper than mere wanting, but he knew he couldn’t tell her that. Still, he had to try to make her understand. “And I know you want me, too.”

He counted it a victory that she didn’t deny his words outright.

“What does that matter?” she snapped, crossing her arms firmly over her chest and turning her head to look away from him.

“It matters,” he said firmly, taking one small step closer to her. “It matters because Rome has taken everything from us for her own pleasure. We deserve a little pleasure of our own, don’t you think?” he murmured, running one finger down her bare arm. He didn’t fail to notice the way it made her shiver, though she tried to mask it. Resting one hand on the wall behind her head, he ducked his head low and whispered against her ear, “I know I gave you pleasure.”

“What do you want from me, Carnifex?” Phoenix demanded, something catching in her voice as she tilted her head to look at him. It was the first time he had ever caught that look in her eye, that hint of sadness and brokenness that he had seen in the faces of so many others. He didn’t want to see it in her.

“I want you. Just you and nothing else,” he said simply, twisting a loose lock of her dark hair around his finger. “Whenever you’re able, come to me. Let’s find what pleasure we can, in whatever time the gods may grant us.”

“I won’t be your whore,” she told him sharply, recoiling from his touch. “I’m not your plaything that you can command to come and go.”

“Don’t you ever call yourself that,” he retorted, his voice just as sharp, his green eyes flashing. “You are not…I would never…” He took a breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “You’re free to come and go as you wish, whenever it pleases you. I would not hold you to anything.”

Phoenix swallowed, gazing downward for a moment as she seemed to contemplate his proposition. After several beats of silence, she lifted her head and raised one dark eyebrow. “It would be for pleasure and nothing more?”

By the gods, how he wanted so much more with her. But how could he ever expect that, with the lives they led? So swallowing past the lump in his throat, he merely nodded. “For pleasure and nothing more.”

She was quiet again, but this time she kept her eyes on him as she cocked her head to the side, thinking. Finally, she spoke.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” he repeated, eyes widening slightly. He was shocked she had actually agreed.

“But don’t expect me to always be available at your beck and call, gladiator,” she insisted firmly, poking him in the chest. “It’ll be when I’m good and ready.”

Carnifex couldn’t help but smirk at her words, a satisfied expression slipping onto his face. “How about tonight?”

“We’ll see.”

But she did come to him that night. And for many more nights that week. And then the week after that. And the next one after that, until eventually months had passed.

“We can’t tell anyone about this,” she panted one night as she rode atop him, her nails digging into his chest as he lay with his hands behind his head and admired her beauty. “It’s safer that way. For everyone.”

He knew she was right, but that didn’t mean from time to time he desperately wanted to shout from the rooftops that the most beautiful woman in all of the Roman Empire spent the majority of her evenings in his bed.

Especially when the others questioned him about the scratches on his back or the love bites on his chest.

“You need to keep it down at night, my friend,” Caius complained during one morning training session. He had the misfortune, as he often called it, of occupying the cell directly next to Carnifex’s. “Some of us actually try to get some sleep. Who was that girl you had in there last night anyway? The two of you could have woken the dead.”

Carnifex just smirked in response, though his eyes couldn’t help but slip towards Phoenix, who was hanging freshly washed tunics just a few feet away. He could tell from the ruddiness of her complexion that she had heard Caius loud and clear.

She made sure to keep her voice down that night, much to his amusement.

He loved each and every moment that she spent in his arms, but he hated what came afterwards. Even after months of their secret arrangement, she still refused to stay with him during the night, always grabbing her tunic and fleeing his cell as soon as the deed was done.

“Why won’t you stay with me?” he asked her one night, her body still pinned beneath his as he pressed lazy kisses to her neck and shoulder.

“You know I can’t,” she replied, matter-of-factly. “I can’t be caught in here with you, and it would be too suspicious if I spent the whole night away from the slave quarters.”

Damn her and her rational mind.

“Then stay with me just a little while,” he insisted, pecking the corner of her mouth. “Don’t run off as soon as it’s over.”

“Why?” she asked quietly, running her fingers through his hair absent-mindedly. He loved it when she did that.

Knowing he couldn’t give her an answer that wouldn’t scare her off and send her running for the hills, he simply shrugged, allowing that smug, overly confident mask to slip into place. “You help keep the bed warm.”

She seemed aggravated by his response, but he noticed that after that night, she wasn’t as quick to get up and go, sometimes lingering for up to an hour or more after they finished.

Tonight, she seemed more exhausted than usual, curling up against his chest and closing her eyes as he traced his fingers up and down her spine, enjoying the feel of her heart beating in tandem with his.

“You seem tired,” he voiced his observation out loud, glancing down at her and brushing some of her dark hair out of her face.

“I am,” she admitted, fighting back a yawn as she swirled her finger around his chest in lazy patterns. “Aurelia’s been working us like dogs lately. Except, I think she might actually treat dogs better than she treats us. Stupid bitch,” she muttered darkly, her hand stilling as her body tensed with resentment.

“Hey,” he murmured, nudging her gently until she looked up at him. His brow furrowed in concern, noting the dark circles under her eyes. He should have been paying more attention. How had he failed to notice them? He knew there was no love lost between Phoenix and their domina, but her voice held a particular trace of venom this evening. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing,” she deflected quickly, then let out a heavy sigh. “It’s just…she treats Sabina so badly. And it makes me so angry. She’s the last person on earth who deserves it, and I just want to be able to protect her.”

Carnifex hadn’t failed to notice how much you had come to mean to Phoenix since your arrival in the household a few months prior. He had never seen Phoenix interact with any of the other slave girls until you came along, and now you two seemed as close as sisters. And though he didn’t yet know you very well, from all the interactions he’d had with you thus far, he could at least say that he understood the impulse to look out for you.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured sincerely, stroking her back with a comforting hand. “I know how much Sabina means to you, and how much you already can’t stand Aurelia to begin with,” he added with a grimace. Was there anybody in the household who could stand Aurelia? He doubted even Atticus could.

Phoenix sighed again, rubbing at her eyes and sitting up slowly. “Speaking of Sabina, I should get going before she starts to worry. I promised her I wouldn’t be gone long.”

“Where does she think you go at night?” he asked curiously, reluctant to let her go.

Though their tryst had started before you had even entered the household, and though you and Phoenix had become as thick as thieves since your arrival, she maintained that she didn’t want to burden you with the responsibility of knowing what was going on between her and the infamous Gallic gladiator.

“It’s better that no one knows, Carnifex,” she often told him, whenever he insinuated that their closest friends might be piecing things together. “That way they won’t have to be responsible for lying for us, if it comes to that. Besides, it’s just sex, right? Why does anyone need to know?”

He pretended that those words didn’t cut him to the core.

Sitting up in his bed, Phoenix twisted her dark hair into a loose knot at the nape of her neck and glanced down at him. “Sabina is a smart girl. She doesn’t ask too many questions. And she knows I help Hrodebert with the accounts sometimes. I just let her believe that’s where I’m going,” she explained. “But I know she worries about me, and that it’s hard for her to sleep until I get back, so I have to go.”

“Gallus cares for her,” Carnifex said suddenly. He wasn’t sure why he said it, to be honest. It wasn’t his business, and Gallus’ love life was none of his concern, but perhaps he hoped it would keep Phoenix in his arms just a few moments longer.

She stilled at his words, leaning back for a moment as he draped an arm around her shoulders. “What makes you say so?” she asked, arching an eyebrow as she looked over at him.

“Is having eyes in my head not good enough?” he chuckled, running his hand up and down her bare side. “His eyes follow her everywhere she goes, at least whenever she’s in the ludus. Though I’m sure he wishes he could watch over her in the villa as well. He already made us promise that we’d ensure no harm comes to her.”

“He asked Hrodebert and I to do the same,” Phoenix nodded, recalling the worry that brimmed in her old friend’s eyes when he’d made the request. “I have to say, I’ve known Gallus a long time and I’ve never seen him like this before. It’s like she’s unlocked something inside him. He’s quite attached to her.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so concerned for another person before,” Carnifex agreed, though he frowned slightly as he looked at her. “Except maybe you.” His voice was edged with jealousy as he spoke the words aloud.

As if he hadn’t disliked Gallus, his old rival, enough when he’d first arrived at the ludus, he’d been even more frustrated to see the bond that he and Phoenix shared, a closeness that he could only dream of having with her.

“There’s nothing between me and Gallus,” she told him firmly, placing a hand on the center of his chest as she looked deeply into his eyes. “Nothing except the love borne between a brother and sister, between two people who have survived the worst together. We’ve known each other a long time and we look out for one another, Carnifex. That is all.”

When he didn’t respond, just shifted his gaze moodily, she leaned forward and pressed a long, slow kiss to his lips. When she finally pulled back, she couldn’t help but smirk a little bit. “And as you’ve already so astutely pointed out, he seems to have eyes for no one but Sabina.”

Just as Carnifex only had eyes for Phoenix.

She frequently teased him about how the other girls grumbled in their quarters at night, complaining that he no longer called for any of them the way he used to. It hung unspoken in the air between them, the implication that he now only sought her company in his bed, and what that meant.

“I have to go,” Phoenix whispered, kissing him one last time as she slipped out of his bed and reached for her tunic. “Get some sleep. Magnus has been working you all extra hard lately.”

“Be careful,” he murmured, climbing out of bed as well and wrapping his tunic around his waist as he walked her to the door of his cell. Touching her cheek lightly, he couldn’t resist the urge to press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“I will,” she promised softly, squeezing his hand once before she was gone.

She took a piece of his heart with her, every time she left.

Tiptoeing on quiet feet, Phoenix checked her surroundings to make sure no one was in sight before slipping across the training grounds, trusting the darkness of the night to shield her from anyone who might have been observing from a distance.

Once she was beyond the gate of the ludus and within the confines of the main villa, she breathed a little easier, knowing she would be able to come up with a simple enough excuse should anyone catch her out of the slave quarters.

What she hadn’t been expecting, however, was for Hrodebert to suddenly appear before her, candle in hand as he stepped out of the office where he did most of his accounting work.

Gasping, she slapped a hand over mouth, her heart jumping into her throat as she stopped short in the hallway.

“Phoenix?” Hrodebert asked in surprise, lifting up his candle to better see her face. His eyes were red-rimmed with exhaustion and from his rapid blinks, she could tell they must have been aching from hours spent reviewing numbers and accounts. “What are you doing out here?” he questioned, raising his candle further and glancing over her shoulder.

“Oh, nothing, I just needed to return some things to the kitchen before I went to sleep,” she fibbed, biting down on her lower lip. It would have been easy to lie to a random slave or steward. It was much harder to do so to Hrodebert, who had been one of her closest friends for years now.

“At this hour?” he countered, raising a skeptical eyebrow. He glanced over her shoulder once more, then lowered his voice significantly. “You wouldn’t be coming from the direction of the ludus, would you?”

Her heart sank like a stone inside her chest as her eyes widened. “How did you—?”

“We’ve known each other a long time, Phoenix. I know you better than you might think,” Hrodebert said softly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But you need to be careful with him.”

Much to her surprise, Phoenix felt a surge of protectiveness course through her at her friend’s words. “He’s not as terrible as some people think he is, you know. He wouldn’t intentionally try to—”

“I’m not warning you about Carnifex,” Hrodebert interrupted, prompting another shocked look from her.

“I never said that it was—”

“You didn’t have to,” he told her, a small smile playing on his lips. “My eyesight might be poor, but I’m not completely blind, you know.”

She blushed deeply at his words, wondering if anyone else had figured out what she and Carnifex had been up to. “But if not Carnifex, who—?”

“Aurelia,” Hrodebert whispered in hushed tones, glancing over both his shoulders. “You know what she’ll do if she finds out he’s attached himself to you. You need to be very careful, Phoenix. Please.”

She could hear the worry in his voice, and it made her stomach drop.

“Don’t worry, Hrodebert. I’m always careful,” she assured him, reaching out to pat his arm. “Go get some sleep. I promise I’ll come help with the accounts tomorrow night.”

“Good night, Phoenix,” he nodded, heading in the opposite direction toward the male slave quarters.

A few moments later, when Phoenix finally laid back down beside you, thankful to find that you had already fallen asleep, she tried to shut her eyes and shake away the sense of foreboding that Hrodebert’s warning had cast upon her.

He was right, and she knew it. What Carnifex and her had, whatever it might be, was dangerous. She had known it from the start, and she had been foolish to allow herself to become complacent. She needed to talk to him, needed to let him know that her visits to his cell would have to become less frequent. They couldn’t run the risk of Aurelia finding out and ruining both their lives.

Months ago, Carnifex had told her that they should try to snatch moments of pleasure when they could, that they deserved it. But had she not been a prisoner of Rome long enough to know that that could never really be possible?

She and Carnifex stood no real chance at happiness, and she needed to accept that.

Fighting back the tears that suddenly threatened to engulf her, Phoenix wrapped her arms around you and fell into a fitful slumber, promising herself before sleep finally claimed her that she would do whatever she had to do to protect those she cared about most.

#bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster x reader #x reader #x female reader #hannix #hangman x phoenix #jake hangman seresin #natasha phoenix trace #top gun #top gun: maverick #Ancient Rome AU #si vis amari ama ⚔️

[mvsicinthedvrk]

@svnlvght said : ‘ sponsored by ritz cheese crackers, absolute shit ’ - sabina & yuri

"Is it the cheese that is shit, or the cracker that is shit?" he asks with a furrowed brow. He doesn't recall if he's tried that particular brand before-- but truly, he would probably remember being that offended by snack crackers, if they're really as bad as all that.

#beta editor #;; yp ;; #;; yuri plisetsky speaks to sabina palpatine ;; #food tw #eating tw