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derinkaplan · 10 months

Text

And in the end,

It doesn't even matter || Selfpara

Mentions: @feykaplan @belkiskaplan @simonefms @hanaxrhee @junhorhee Brief Mentions: @jacoboh @veracalma TW: death, gore, staby-stab

Most of his life had been perfect. He had done everything according to the expectations placed upon him by his parents whether they knew it or not. Whether it's how they wanted it all for him, or if it was his own interpretation. He didn't truly know, but at the end he thrived. There's not many that can tell him he didn't live up to his family's legacy. Or that could say anything in his life was handed to him. Derin had built himself from nothing. Going out of his way to refuse any money or connection offered by his parents and putting his neck and back into every single accomplishment in his life. He wanted no handouts.

There were a few imperfections but he was merely a mortal. He liked to have a little too much fun on the side. Men, women, nonbinary- he didn't truly cared. He loved them all and most certainly they loved him too. There wasn't many people in his lifetime that he hadn't taken to bed, and the ones he hadn't he probably never talked to. With the exception of a couple friends. Egotistical. Prideful. Cocky. You could call him what you wanted but the truth never lied. We all have our faults, and some of his surrounded his sexually deviant ways. His inability to settle for just one like his parents wanted. Or to marry. Or give them grandchildren. That wasn't him.

He was a family man though. Despite never truly wanting children of his own. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for his family. He would fight tooth and nail for every single one of them, and he made sure that they always knew it. Whether by spoiling them rotten, or something as simple as calling out of work just to take them to lunch like he's done with some of his cousins. Or taking months away from work to care for his broken hearted sister Lunara. His love for her went beyond anything else.

"Call Lulu." Derin spoke to his smart phone as he began to drive. It was later than usual when he left his job that day, but he wanted to ensure that he got most of the next day off to take Hana out to lunch. He had taken the time earlier to send her a quick text asking to meet for lunch. With how busy he's been at work, he'd neglected to check up on her. Specially after the last three deaths.

L: [ answers call ] L: [ whispers ] abi?

D: Hey, there you. How are you feeling?

L: Fine [ shrugs ] Kind of. I went outside today. Actually went somewhere other than just the store for food. I… I forgot how beautiful this place was. L: How are you?

D: [he paused for a moment before answering] That's great. See? I told you just a little sightseeing and you'll never want to go back indoors D: I'm doing good. Working the same as usual. Went out with Fey to some rooftop diner out in Boston for lunch. It was pretty nice. I'll have to take you there someday. D: You have any plans for the weekend? I know this amazing pub over there

L: That sounds really nice [ smiles softly ] How are the sisters? L: [ laughs lightly before pausing ] Abi, I have no plans. I'm lucky to get out of bed most days. Today was just… a less bad day. L: Wait, are you asking because you're coming here for the weekend?

D: They're good for the most part. Fey's got this boytoy and a new kitten or doggie I can't quite remember. Bel's [he had to think for a moment because she does nothing out of character] Bel? I guess. Dee's been unchanged despite the asshole. That's a plus. D: [he signed having had already expected her answer] Let's try and change that, yeah? Maybe go to one of those reading places where girls find friends or whatever y'all do. D: I wish! [truly he did] but work hasn't really let up. You know how that is. I'll come visit you soon though? Before the holidays? Spend them over there with you if you can take me for that long. [he laughs] D: I miss you

L: [ pauses ] Are they happy? Safe? Okay? L: Have you seen Jake? Vera? How are they? L: I don't need new friends, abi. [ sighs ] I don't… I don't really want to talk to people, especially new ones. I also haven't read a book in… in months [ sighs deeply ] I'm… working on it, though. L: Yeah, I do. I was actually thinking of heading to LA for the holidays. Spend it with Lany maybe, but I'm sure you can come too? L: [ smiles softly ] I miss you too.

D: They are happy, and they are safe [ a little lie to not make her worry] D: They are doing as well as you'd expect. Living their lives. Working. Have you not spoken to anyone aside from me [concern in his voice] D: LA! With Lany? That sounds like an even better time [he grinned before hitting something on the road] Shit! Lu, I think something happened to my tire. Let me check it out and give you a call back? Maybe tonight if I can fix it, or tomorrow?

L: That's good. I'm glad L: [ pauses ] I talk to Lany sometimes. Sent Vera a gift for her birthday even though it was really late. Um-- No, I… I guess I haven't been speaking much to anybody. I want to talk to Jake but I… He-- The three of us… [ stays silent for a while ] L: What? Are you okay? L: Yeah. Yeah, of course. Call me when it's all better?

D: That's awesome [ he'd encouraging any form of interaction with anyone at this point] D: I'm fine, don't worry, Lu. Just this dang tire. I must have hit a nail or something on the road. D: I'm going to probably call AAA so if you don't hear from me tonight, definitely tomorrow. D: I love you

It was pretty dark out right now but he needed to assess the damage to his car. He was near enough to Deadlights that if he wanted to he could pop in for a drink, but he needed to check his tire first. Derin figured he could take care of the wheel on his own, or call AAA for assistance. Getting out of his vehicle, Derin checked on his two front wheel's first having already felt the screeching of his rims against the ground. Whatever the heck he rode over must have made a large enough hole to let out all of the air in his tire within seconds. So much for all the taxes taken by the town. The least they could do was pave the fucking road.

"Fuck." He cussed, "At least it's just one tire."

Shaking his head, Derin pops open the trunk of his car, looking for his spare and a jack. If he didn't think that AAA would take a lifetime to get to him he might have waited it out, but since it was only one it felt useless to call. This shouldn't take him too long though. Fifteen minutes tops if anything. Then, he could run the car over on his donut to the mechanics tomorrow morning. As he worked pumping the jack into place, though, something or someone hit him on the side and before he knew what was happening he was on the ground.

Stab. Stab. Stab. Stabbity-stab-stab.

It went on without an end in sight. Derin wasn't dumb, he could tell what was happening, but it was all so fast. The movement of the person above them was almost admirable if he wasn't the one getting murdered. There was no other way to describe the pain other than a scolding hot ice pick being penetrated into his gut and chest repeatedly. Whenever he attempted to push himself off or shield, his arms would be stabbed, and he ended up right back where he laid. Blood gushing quickly our of his body through the wounds as well as his mouth. Derin was chocking on it so he attempted to cough it out. Eyes shut as the stabs continued. He was truly going to die. . .

If there was a heaven he hopes that's where he goes. Not to seek for salvation, he didn't really care about that, but more to be able to see all the people that he loves once more. There was no real pain that he could feel other than not having had the chance to tell each and every one of them that he loves them before he met his end. A lot of movies and television shows made you think that the last moments of your life you'll see you're life flash before your eyes. So Derin closed his eyes for the last time and waited for the flashes to begin. . . they didn't.

Feyza. There was a lot to love about his cousins, but for certain she would have to be his favorite. He could see a spark of rebellion in her and he loved it. No one could ever fuck with her and get away with it. It made him feel proud. Like he didn't have to protect her, because she'd be the first to jump whoever even tried looking in their direction sideways. He didn't have to worry about her being strong. Didn't have to worry about her other sisters either, cause he knew that despite him being gone they had her to care for them.

Belkis. She was a bit on the shyer end and made him feel extremely protective of her. He didn't often go out of his way to keep tabs on his cousins too closely, but with her it was different. He'd go buy countless flowers in her shop just to check in on her before tossing them out outside or gifting them to the first person he'd see. All he needed was to make sure that she was doing well, and that she was happy where she was.

Dilara. Despite everything she went through, Derin couldn't remember a time she wasn't graceful. Taking all the pain that life threw her way unlike anyone he knew. Derin could only imagine the emotional trauma in her head and the pain in her heart. He knew she was strong though. Wouldn't let anything shift her focus in life. It was admirable to say the least, but he still worried for her. Hoping she never got to her true breaking point.

Junho. One of the very few people he considered a good friend. Derin had learned so much from him, and used to follow him around a lot when they were younger. He's always admired his resilience and ability to do everything he set his mind to. Derin didn't see him very often, as they both had demanding jobs, but he was more than a little grateful to have had someone in his life like him. Like the older brother he never had.

Hana. It was impossible for him to say that he didn't love her. Despite the ten years that they had spent without so much as a word, he still held feelings for her. Going so far out of his way when dating other woman to ensure they were all the complete opposite of her. Having had heard of her marriage bothered him a little, despite him being the one to ruin them. Seeing and getting close with her again had really shown him that she always held a spot in her heart. Not to go out and say he was still in love with her, but he certainly still loved her enough to want to be near her as often as he could. Derin knew that he wasn't good for her, and that she didn't truly know the real him. He didn't think himself deserving of her love, either. Perhaps if things had been different, and they were different people, they would have had their chance the right way.

Christina. One of the most uncommon and exciting relationships he's ever had. She was the closest thing to a best friend that he had, and he loved her beyond what words could describe. She reminded him a lot of himself which made sense why he gravitated to her so easily. Loved every single thing about her shamelessly, and she showed the same with him. In the little time that the two had known each other, Derin had felt what real love should be like. No secrets. No judgements. No resentment or ill will. Acceptance for each other regardless of their faults. He wanted only the best for her always. He would buy this entire country and make them kneel at her feet if she asked him too. She made him feel like the world around them was meaningless when she was present.

Lunara. His little sister. Derin used to chase her invisible demons out from under her bed and out of their house when they were little. Protected her from everything regardless of whether it made sense or not. She was everything to him, and he promised her that no matter how near or far he was from her, he'd always be in her heart. If she ever felt upset or angry he'd tell her to place a hand over her heart and he'd feel it too. As they grew older it became harder to reassure her, though. Between losing the baby, and losing Monty, Derin was left not truly knowing how to console her anymore. What does he say to his little sister who wasn't so little anymore? He could offer her the world, but his lack of real life experience made him feel useless. All he could offer her, genuinely, was his ever lasting love.

L: Okay, D. Be safe please. L: I love you too.

#selfpara #I actually edited this one lol #round of applause

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