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cult-of-husbandos · 4 months

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karasuda ren [soft!yandere] - All I Want For Christmas Is A Cute Yandere!

synopsis: you're spending another Christmas alone. there's only one thing you want and there's only one person who can make it happen. but, shenanigans occur!

genre: a little crackish, fluff, holiday love

word count: 6.29k

warnings: binge drinking, kidnapping, a little claustrophobia

Ahh, Christmas Eve. The most festive and romantic time of year. The city has never looked so bright and beautiful than when it’s decorated with wreaths and tinsel on every pole and building and fairy lights illuminating a soft glow of the pillowy snowy streets of your city. Not to mention the sights and sounds that sing this otherwise boring, claustrophobic place into jolly merriment. The delicious smells of bakeries and restaurants serving cakes and pies and nauseatingly sugary Christmas cookies. Buskers singing Christmas songs to afford a decent meal. Last minute idiots scrounging the shelves in stores and causing scenes to get that one important present or Christmas is ruined. Families walking with their children with excitement on their faces about what Santa will bring them tonight. Happy couples walking hand in hand and sharing hot cocoa and sweet treats before they get home. Retail workers resisting the urge to shoot themselves when Mariah Carey’s winter album plays for 6667th time that day.

Yes, it seems that everyone was in a rush to get home to be with that special somebody tonight.

EXCEPT FOR YOU!

Day after day. Year after year. Holiday after fucking holiday!

Seriously! It should be against the fucking law to have to work on Christmas Eve. Especially, when the workplace is complete ass and your coworkers take turns using the singular brain cell that seems to float aimlessly around the office. When you were just a fresh newbie, you used to blame your singleness on your work. ‘I don’t have the time right now, I should try when I get used to the environment.’ That was your thought process. But, now you know that it was all complete horseshit! The real reason you can’t make time for anything, let alone a relationship, is because your boss and your coworkers are required by the laws of fate and destiny to cockblock you until you’re that old Karen calling the cops on your neighbors for having too bright lights in their yard. When you first got hired, you promised that you wouldn’t become like the old greedy ladies at your work that glared at the smallest hint of happiness and bitched about it on their ‘Moms Against…’ Facebook groups.

Yet, here you are. Hours before Christmas, shuffling home like a morally depleted penguin hating every single happy and smiling face you came across. Even the forced ones.

As you trudged through the dirt clodded snowy and slippery as hell sidewalk, you couldn’t help but unintentionally glare at every single couple you passed by. Happy smiles adorned their faces as they shared intimate kisses and huddled together for warmth. You tried not to gag or roll your eyes because it wasn’t really their fault. They were just enjoying the festivities and snow. You on the other hand are huddled into yourself trying not to bust your ass in the middle of a public street and quickly get home so you can rip off your shoes that were sopping wet and nearing frostbite from the slushy snow penetrating your shoes.

To be honest, the last place you wanted to be at was your apartment. You sigh to yourself in disappointment knowing what’s waiting for you: Nothing. In particular, no one. As stated before, day after day, year after year, holiday after freaking holiday, all that awaits you is a cold, empty apartment with comfort items and furniture that you either bought off of Amazon or got off the streets. No one would be waiting for you except the inescapable loneliness that you felt every day. Your plans are the same as last year’s, and the year before that, and the year before that, and so on and so forth. You’ll get home, take a lukewarm shower because your plumbing is always busted around this time of year, drink a 1/5th of Holly Jolly Krinkles Peppermint Vodka, and pass out watching the Polar Express on Hulu. Then, wake up Christmas afternoon and try not to throw up the rest of the day. Your ancestors must be so proud staring down at you after generations of their own hardship.

Peeking up from your huddled form you spot your apartment complex up ahead. You sigh again feeling the need for a drink. As you hurriedly jogged up the stairs and rushed to your door, you slowed to a halt as you saw a bottle sitting on your doormat. Titling your head in confusion, you looked around for any clues on who could’ve left this on your door. Cautiously, you picked up the suspicious bottle and felt that it was heavy and filled with liquid. A white and red envelope fell onto the mat and you picked it up as well. The envelope had your name addressed to it, but nothing else. You looked back at the bottle and squinted into the dark to read the label on the front. In the dark you could only make out ‘Feeling Pine Mulled Wine.’ You groaned at the pun. On top of the cork you noticed a green ribbon tied along with a small folded note. Inside the card read, “For you, from Santa Claus~♡”.

“Santa Claus…?” you muttered to yourself. You scoff and think of this as nothing more than corporate shilling and shameless advertisement to get people to spend even more money on this capitalist holiday. Everyone in the building must’ve gotten a bottle and since you got home late you’re the only one left. Shivering harshly as a chilling breeze rushed through you, you quickly shot into your apartment. Like a defeated animal, you ripped off every single piece of wet clothing and left it near your front door for ‘hungover you’ to worry about. Placing the mulled wine on the kitchen counter to worry about later you jogged to the bathroom for your shower. Second to drinking yourself to sleep, you looked forward to your shower the most. Flipping your shower nozzle to the highest setting, you jumped in and hopped around as the blizzard water hit your skin. You shivered as you rubbed soap aggressively on your body waiting for the lukewarm water to set in. After a few minutes, the water didn’t change. You waited a few more minutes and the water was still cold?! All of the frustration and anger bottling up inside you finally popped.

“AAAARRGGHHHH!!!” You screamed with all your might. Your screams bounced around your echo-ey bathroom as your next-door neighbor banged on your wall. You banged the wall back even harder out of frustration. What kind of shitty development is this?! You are a good person! Why is it that whenever something good happens to you someone shits all over you?! Who did you kill in your past life to warrant this sharknado level shitstorm that is your adult life?

“God-fucking-DAMMITT! I hate this shitty building and its shitty pipes and its shitty… shitty shit shit!!” You stomped as you frustratingly shut off the shower. Again, you’re reminded of your paper thin walls as your next door neighbor banged on your wall even harder. Completely fed up with everything, you punched and kicked at your wall with all your might.

“Evan Christopher Daniels, you motherfucker! I swear to God, you bang on this wall one more FUCKING time! I’m calling the landlord and telling him all about your basement cock fighting ring and we BOTH know we aren’t talking about chickens!”

The banging immediately stopped. You huffed and leaned against the cold tile wall. You needed a drink more than ever, but you did feel a little better after yelling. Walking out of the bathroom in your towel, your attention is brought back to the wine bottle and envelope. Staring at the wine bottle and label again in a better light you didn’t see anything wrong with it. Nothing obvious at least. So, with a shrug and popped the cork.

“Better than that shitty minty vodka…” you muttered.

*****

“A-And then… that Chevy-back refrigerator built asshole had the nerve to put his dirty face next to mine and breathe his hot Frito-shit pie breath all over me! Can you believe that?!”

You were venting. You were venting and drunk. You were venting, drunk, and talking to the only thing that brought you solace in this cruel time of joyful merriment: the characters on screen from the movie you were watching.

Wow. How sad.

“‘This is no good, Y/N.’ ‘You should try harder, Y/N.’ ‘How ‘bout spending Christmas stuck to my bed sheets, Y/N.’ How about you get the fuck outta my face, fix your hairline and get veneers you shitty generic ugly bastard-looking McFuck!!”

You sprawled out on the floor, sloppy lamenting over your life and where you could have possibly gone wrong.

“Why is it that whenever I get hit on, it’s either from creeps on the subway or fat geriatrics with greasy foreheads that get off on power harassment?” you ask your screen.

“‘Cause that’s the way things happen on the Polar Express!’”

You clicked your tongue and grumbled, “I wish I was on the Polar Express…” you spared a glance to your empty apartment. “Better than being here alone…” You took another drink from your bottle and set it down beside you. “This is good… I’ll have to drink this shit all-year round.”

As you silently surveyed your surroundings as the movie continued in the background, your eyes were drawn to the unopened letter that came with your wine. With a grunt and a sigh, you reached over to pick up predicting that it’s mostly like a Christmas themed advertisement for the company. However, instead was a Christmas portrait card. You opened the card and read the beautiful cursive that was inside.

“Wish upon the brightest star in the sky and your deepest wish will come true.”

You read the words over and over again. ‘Wish upon a star?’ you thought incredulously. What good would that do? You looked on each side of the card but there wasn’t anything else, not even a signature. The handwriting on the Christmas card didn’t match the note on the cork either. You scoffed after a while and flicked the card back on the floor.

“Deepest wish will come true…” you grumbled softly. “That’s only something a child would believe in.”

“‘Seeing is believing, but, sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.’”

Your attention was brought back to your movie and the words that stood out by the conductor. Wait… was the movie playing out of order?

“Seeing is believing, huh?” you muttered to yourself. You looked to your bedroom window. Snow gracefully falling from the night sky down to the bright city lights from under your window. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just a plane, but there in the cloudy night you spotted a single light that penetrated the clouds. Again the words on the card rang through your mind like church bells, or maybe those were just the bells from the movie.

“Meh, fuck it.” You were already drunk and alone. Might as well do something embarrassing in the comfort of your own home than in a bar full of equally lonely people, right?

You crawled your way towards the window and sat on your knees. You already knew what your deepest wish was. You wished for it every holiday: your birthday, Valentine’s Day, hell, even Arbor Day. But, who should you even be praying to to make the wish come true? Santa Claus? God? Buddha? David Bowie? No, there’s only one person who could make a wish like this come true. Someone who you've never prayed to. Someone who could make your dream a reality.

“Oh, Supreme Lord Master Gege Akutami,” you called out. “I know I’ve never prayed to you before, but you’re a man that can make miracles happen. You’re the only one I know that can make my wish come true. The only thing that I want for Christmas is…” you took a deep breath.

“All I want is a super cute yandere boyfriend!”

You can’t be serious.

“I’ve seen your creations Oh Heavenly One and I know you can make that happen. The gorgeous men and women from your manga are only just as beautiful and holy as the animated versions! But not just an old yandere will do! I want a super cute one! The kind of yandere that feed, spoil, and give their unwavering love and affection to the MC! The kind of yandere that will only keep me to himself so I don’t have to work at my shitty job anymore.”

Oh you are dead serious, aren’t you?

“He has to have a cute smile, gorgeous eyes, and soft kissable lips! And he has to be taller than me, but not too tall! Just the right amount of height where I can give him headpats and forehead kisses and when he lays down on my lap only his feet go over the couch arms, not his legs! Also, I want him to have a nice build, not too skinny and lanky. I’ve seen the kind of men you’ve brought to light so I know you can make it work Oh Great One.”

Oh dear lord…

“And he has to know everything about me! Like super omega obsessed with me, but in a cute way that makes it hard to be mad at him. Oh, and extroverted as hell to counterout my introvertedness! Like the type of person who will go up to the fast food worker and tell them that I wanted no pickles on the burger! Y’know, and also…”

Okay, I’m gonna cut the rest of this drunken otaku rambling for the future therapy you’ll be court mandated to attend.

“Please, Lord Gege… if not you then… I don’t know what else I’m gonna do.” You squeeze your fist tighter and close your eyes shut as a last ditch effort. “Please make my deepest wish come true.”

You slowly opened your eyes to see nothing in the sky anymore. Nothing but dark snowy clouds. You let out a pitiful chuckle as you felt tears brimming your eyes.

“What the hell am I doing…?” you whispered. “I am so fucking pathetic…” Maybe it was just a stupid plane after all. You meekly crawled back to your spot on the floor and layed down a few inches away from your laptop. The movie was still playing and the time read “12:01 A.M.”. It was officially Christmas. And today, just like every Christmas, you were drunk and alone. The sounds of actual church bells rang throughout your room from the outside. You lazily stared at the movie that was nearing its end.

“‘Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.’”

‘Santa Claus… Christmas… wishing… it’s all a bunch of shit…’

As you felt your eyelids grow heavier and heavier, you soon gave into your tiredness praying that your hangover in the morning wouldn’t be too bad.

*****

Rustle… Rustle… THUD!

You are jolted awake at the sound of a large thudding sound coming from outside your bedroom door. Bleary-eyed, you check the time on your phone. It was 3 A.M.. Thinking it was just your neighbors, you laid back down on the cold hard floor. Until, a few seconds later, you are woken up again this time with a large bang.

Okay, that sounded way too close to be your neighbor. Someone was definitely in your apartment. You carefully snuck over to your bedroom door and pressed your ear against it. You couldn’t hear any voices (which makes sense), all you could hear was the sounds of something rustling.Are you actually getting robbed?! On fucking Christmas?! Oh hell no! Fueled with drunken courage and hazy eyes, you grabbed the empty wine bottle and quietly snuck out of your room. Peeking around the corner, you saw a tall, dark figure looming in your living room. You quickly flipped on the lights and jumped from around the corner raising the bottle above your head, ready to smack a bitch if they tried to run.

“Alright! Who the fuck are–!”

You stopped dead in your tracks and the wine bottle you held tightly in your hands dropped to the floor with a solid thud. The man standing in your living room, staring you dead in your eyes like a deer caught in headlights of a lifted Ford truck, was wearing a vibrant red suit complete with black boots, white gloves, and a red had, had a long, fluffy white beard, a large white bag filled to the brim with wrapped presents, and twinkling blue eyes. You felt your breath catch in your throat. It was unmistakable.

“Santa Claus…?” you groggily called out.

The man’s face turned from caution to jolly in a matter of seconds as he let out his signature laugh.

“Ho ho ho!” he bellowed. “Well, this is odd! Shouldn’t all the little good boys and girls be asleep right now?”

“I… I was asleep… I-I think your bag woke me up when you set it down…”

“Ah! Of course! I was looking for your Christmas tree, but I can’t seem to find one. So, I was wondering where to leave your presents!”

“I don’t have a Christmas tree. I couldn’t afford one this year…” you told him, folding your arms. Wait. Why were you telling him anything?! This has to be a dream. Yes, just a drunk dream. There’s no way you could be talking to some strange man dressed as Santa Claus right now.

“I see… How unfortunate. Life must be so tough for you, Y/N L/N.”

Your eyes widened. “H-How do you know my name?”

Again, “Santa Claus”'s laugh rang throughout your tiny living room.

“Santa knows all the good boys and girls! And you have been extra good this year!” he exclaimed. He bent down and started rummaging through his bag as if he was looking for something.

Your attention snapped to your front door. You were sure that you had locked it. Squinting, you didn’t notice anything strange about it. The deadbolt was still locked. It wasn’t even left open for a clean getaway if this were an actual robbery or even a dream. None of your windows open, they’re more like decoration. It’s brutal in the summer when the building’s AC stops randomly. So how did–

“How did you get in my apartment?”

“Santa Claus” stopped searching through his bag, but didn’t look up at you. He just… stared down into it like he didn’t want to make conversation with you.

“I don’t have a chimney. This low-rated rat hole would never give such a luxury. Plus, none of the windows open. I locked my door with a deadbolt so I would’ve definitely heard you if you had tried breaking in through the front door, not while you were looking around for a Christmas tree so… how did you get in here?”

You could feel the tension rising as silence choked the jolly air around him. After a moment, the man raised his head to look at you. You felt your blood run cold. He was smiling, but his eyes… no longer had that same twinkle in them like before.

“How do you think I got in here?” he asked stiffly. Shivers rolled down your spine and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak a word. The man laughed again, but not his silly jolly laugh. It was more rigid and harsh. “I’m Santa Claus. Even if homes don’t have a chimney… I can still find my way in.”

‘Okay! I’m done with this dream now! I’d like to wake up! Wake up, me! Wake up!’

But, nothing changed. If this were a dream, something anxiety inducing would’ve happened by now. Like Santa Claus melting or turning into an eldritch monster. The air felt like it was suffocating you ever so slowly as your heart started to beat faster and faster.

“You look like you don’t believe me.” You jumped at his voice. He smiled even brighter and pointed the opening of his gift bag towards you. “Why don’t you see for yourself. I have a present here just for you.”

You swallowed hard. “A-A present…? But I–” You could barely stutter out a sentence before he spoke again.

“It’s what you deeply wished for.”

Your eyes widened again. Those choice of words… It couldn’t have been an accident. How would he… unless he…

You found yourself slowly inching towards the gift bag. It felt like an out-of-body experience. Like watching a first-person POV of someone doing something extremely stupid. As you stopped mere inches from the bag, you peered inside to see nothing but an almost seemingly amount of presents that ranged from big to small throughout the bag. Just as you tried to peek down further into the bag, you felt a large gloved hand grab the back of your neck.

“Sorry kid. No witnesses.”

Before you could utter a word or scream in shock, you are unceremoniously shoved into Santa's bulging sack of gifts. As the bag closed tight above you, your panic-filled mind finally kicked in as you screamed and thrashed around the bag. However, the more you screamed and kicked, the more the weight and closeness of the presents started to crush around you. This set in more panic and then more kicking and screaming.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be all over soon.”

‘What?! What does that mean?!’ You continued to scream and clawed at the walls of the bag to try and rip through. With a sudden jerk motion, you were lifted into the air and the bag was thrown over the man’s shoulder causing what seemed like a hurricane of presents to rain down on you. As you tried to kick up towards the opening again, you left out a gasp when your foot hit nothing. The more you kicked the more you stuffed yourself down the ocean of presents currently crushing you from all sides. When you tried to reach out to the side to claw at the bag again, you again found nothing. And again, the more you tried to reach, the more your arms got stuck wedged against the weight and size of the presents. There seemed no end as the presents continued to suffocate you, pressing hard against your stomach, legs, head, and chest.

You felt your vision starting to blacken out and called out once more.

“Please… someone… help me…”

But, your voice was too low and soon, you did not speak again.

*****

Your eyes fluttered open to see nothing but darkness all around you. You let out a grunt as your head pounded harshly only to find out that your mouth had been taped shut.

‘What the fuck?’

You tried to take the tape off your mouth only to find your hands tied together.

‘What the fuck?’

You stretched out from your fetal only for feet to to hit a solid wall. Not only that, your feet were also bound together.

‘What the fuck?!’

You jerked up only for your head to meet a solid wall.

‘Ow! What the FUCK?!’

Your head pounded again and you laid back down trying to remember how you got in this situation. All you can remember is drinking your problems away and watching the Polar Express, and then… wishing on a plane in the sky…? And then Santa Claus showed up?

‘Ugh… fuck me… Did I sleepwalk into an empty plot again?’ You tried with all your might to try and bang on the walls of the box that you were currently in, but with this hangover all you were doing was making yourself tired and nauseous. You sighed with a huff. ‘I swear if I die in here, I’m gonna ghost sue these assholes…’

How long had you even been here? Were you even alive at this point? If you are, how long until the air in here runs out and you suffocate? Ugh… too many thoughts were making your head pound even more. Oh, what a tragic and pitiful end for our tragic and pitiful protagonist–

“Oh, wow! What a huge present!” a voice from outside shouted. You jolted in surprise. Who was that? And did they say present?

“I wonder what Santa got me~?” the voice asked melodically. Santa Claus? Wait, so… that wasn’t a dream?! The sounds of gift wrapping paper answered your question. You didn’t get super drunk and walk into a cemetery and crawl into a coffin like last time. You got super drunk and got stuffed into a giant Christmas present. You want to be disappointed with this development, but honestly you’ve found yourself in much worse situations than this. Like how on three Valentine’s Days ago you unknowingly joined a cannibal love nest cult when buying candy for yourself.

The lid of the box was aggressively thrown creaked open, revealing the most enchanting sight — you were surrounded and bathed in the glow of fairy lights. Blinking away the haze, you found yourself in an unfamiliar room, illuminated by soft, colorful lights and warm furniture. This place was definitely better than your dinky apartment. Your eyes then landed on the strikingly charming individual with the most captivating eyes you’ve ever seen and an endearing yet unsettling aura seeping from him. You felt your heart skip a beat as you locked eyes with the gorgeous hottie staring you down. His cute smile was twice as blinding as the dozen of lights surrounding the two of you.

“Looks like Santa got my letter. Just what I wanted for Christmas~.”

‘Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitsholyshitholyshit–’

“Homy shmpf! Phuu’re hmpf!” You tried to shout.

Blinking a few times, the hottie deliciously chuckled and reached for the tape around your mouth. “Lemme get that for you, sweetheart. Only if you promise not to scream.”

Oh please, like you’d scream in a situation like this.

“There you go–”

“Holy shit! You’re hot!” you shout again. “Whoa… this has to be a dream. There’s no way that I’m sitting in a human sized box in a hottie’s apartment. I gotta buy more of that wine.” you muttered to yourself. You felt a tiny pinch on your cheek and snapped out of your muttering to lock eyes with those gorgeous eyes again.

“Ow… that hurt…”

“Then you’re not dreaming, sweetheart.”

“Woah…” You reeled back into the box. “I’m actually sitting in a hottie’s apartment…”

He chuckled. “House, my love. Not an apartment.”

“House?”

“Yes.”

“Like a house house? Like with a mortgage and shit?”

“The house is fully paid off. My parents paid it off and handed it to me when they retired and moved.”

“For real?!” you gasped and gasped even harder at the sights behind him. “Are those Sanrio plushies?! And a 5-foot Rilakkuma bear?! A PS5, a polaroid camera, an Apple laptop?! What are you, loaded or something?!” you exclaimed in astonishment.

“Well, it’s true that I spared no expense getting this place ready.” he chuckled again. “After all, I spent a lot of time getting all this stuff ready just in time for you.”

“For me?”

“Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t know what my girlfriend liked?”

You paused for a moment, soaking in his words. “Boyfriend…? Girlfriend?”

“That’s right.”

“You and me?”

“Yup.”

“Me and you?”

“Mhm!”

“You’re my boyfriend?”

“Yes, my love. I was getting a little impatient waiting to take you for myself. So, I asked Santa to deliver you to me.”

You couldn’t believe your ears and eyes. You wished upon a stupid star/plane, got kidnapped by Santa Claus, and got unwrapped by a gorgeous man that’s now your boyfriend.

“Where the hell have you been hiding, huh? If I knew a hottie like you was scoping me out all this time I would’ve delivered myself without the gag and restraints.”

The hottie paused for a moment and smiled again. It seems like your reaction to all this wasn’t what he was expecting. “I’ll untie you if you promise you won’t start trying to escape.”

You scoffed and handed him your bound hands. “Oh, please. Yeah, I’m gonna escape and run back to my 250 sq. ft. apartment with no hot water, no heating, and no one waiting for me that even notices I’m gone.”

The hottie laughed softly and began to untie your hands. “And trust me. I wasn’t hiding. I left you gifts every moment I got. However, whenever I saw you, you never had them.” After untying your hands, he gave you a sullen look. “Did you not like them?”

You rubbed your wrists and titled your head in confusion. “Gifts? I never got any gifts.”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I’ve been leaving you gifts and small tokens for two years.”

“I’m not lying! If I had gotten anything from someone like you, I would’ve been here two years ago.” you defended. “Where did you leave them?”

“On your desk at work, on your doormat, in your mailbox! I placed them everywhere you could see.”

If you weren’t so hungover you’d scream your head off. “Ugh…! Oh my fucking God…” you grumbled angrily, lightly banging your head on the corner of the box. You knew it! Your coworkers were cock-blocking you from finding true love. “All my coworkers are conniving, evil, love-hating bitches! And my boss is a misogynistic, sexual power harasser. They probably threw those presents away when I wasn’t at my desk.”

Your new boyfriend’s eyes grew dark. “What about your apartment?”

“Ugh… those animals would steal chewed up gum after you spit it out. They probably stole it while I was out at work. And my mailbox got broken into 6 months after moving in. All my bills are on autopay.”

As your boyfriend’s face grew darker, his smile remained. “Well, it’s a good thing I told them you quit and got you out of that disgusting “apartment”.”

Your mouth dropped at his words.

“R-Really? So, my job?”

“You don’t need one. I make enough money to support 5 of you. Plus, everything you could ever want is here anyways.”

“My apartment?”

“Considering most of the things in your “apartment” came from the side of the road, just tell me and I’ll buy whatever needs replacing.”

You leaned in close. “And my boss?” you whispered.

He leaned in closer, both your noses touching. “Dead, if you want him to be.”

Holy shit. Let’s go over the list.

He is:

✔ Hot as fuck

✔ Obsessive

✔ Tall

✔ Built

✔ Has a cute smile

✔ Puppy face

✔ Not too overbearing

✔ Dommy

✔ Willing to support your lazy piece of shit lifestyle

✔ Owns a home

JACKPOT!!

“This is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!” you shouted, but immediately regretted it when a sharp throbbing pain pierced your head. You clutched your head, tenderly rubbing your temples.

“Woah, are you okay?” he gently asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a hangover…” you smiled wearily.

“I’ll get you some water and Ibuprofen. Wait here. Don’t move, okay?”

Again, you shot him a look that told him that you didn’t have anywhere to go.

“Oh, and uh, thanks… um…”

“Karasuda Ren. But you can only call me Ren, okay Y/N?”

“Okay, Ren.” you smiled. He smiled back at you and headed to the kitchen. You sat in the box looking around at the beautiful home filled with Ren’s things combined with the things you love. If you weren’t on cloud 9 right now, you would plan a vindictive revenge plan on your job. But, now you had nothing to worry about anymore. Your wish came true and he was even cuter than you could’ve possibly imagined.

“Oh!” Ren suddenly called out. “Since you might be hungover, you probably won’t be able to eat this cake I made huh?”

“Homemade cake?! I love– Woah?!” You shot up at just the word cake and fell out of the box and face first into the floor.

“My love! Are you okay?” Ren asked, rushing to you with a glass of water in his hand.

“Yep! I’m okay! I forgot that my feet are also tied up sooo… can you help me?”

Ren laughed and helped you back on your butt and began to untie your feet. After that, he handed you the water and the bottle of Ibuprofen. Swallowing the pills dry and drinking a few gulps of water, you began to feel a little better with some water in your system now.

Just as you were about to get up, you were immediately swept off your feet and carried bridal style across the living room. You let out a tiny yelp as your head made contact with Ren’s warm chest.

“W-What’re you doing?”

“Oh. Did you think I wasn’t going to hog you all to myself? You’re my Christmas present and I intend to enjoy this day and many more with you by my side.”

You felt your face burn as you were sure your face was as red as a habanero. Well, this was your Christmas wish too. It’s finally your time to enjoy the lovey-dovey part of this holiday.

Throughout the entire day, you had never felt more love and content. Despite your initial shock, you soon got used to the huge shower of affection your new boyfriend continued to give you. Karasuda Ren, while intense and possessive, showered you with affection and attention unlike anything you had experienced before. He filled you with so much cake and food, you felt like you were gonna pop.

The loneliness that had haunted you dissipated in the wake of this blooming, although unconventional, relationship, was replaced by a new sense of belonging.

As Christmas lights flickered outside, you found yourself entangled in a love both warm and intense. The hours that passed brought a mix of emotions that you could get used to feeling everyday for the rest of your life.

This was it. Your deepest Christmas wish came true. You were finally happy. Only one question was left on your mind.

“Hey, so, how did you start liking me? Have we met before and I just didn’t pay attention or…?”

“No, we’d never even spoken to each other. About 3 years ago on Christmas Eve, I was riding the subway on my way home when I heard a bunch of drunk people get on.” Ren grimaced just remembering the situation. “I wasn’t anywhere near them, but I could smell the alcohol. I was going to change cars when I heard them start to argue with someone, I turned around and I saw you. You looked so tired and angry.”

“Really? I don’t remember that.” you hummed, trying to think back.

“I was going to step in, but you had already clocked one guy in the jaw and dropped the other guy like a sack of flour.”

“Oh yeah! I remember that now!”

“That moment, I fell in love with you at first sight. It took a while to find you again, but after I did I knew in my heart that I could never ever let you go.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet, Ren! Man, I guess first impressions always stick. Kind of embarrassing that your first sighting of me was when I was drunk.”

“...You were drunk?”

“Oh, I was fucking wasted. I always get smashed on Christmas Eve. It’s kind of a tradition. I was drunk off my ass the night Santa took me too.”

“...Y/N.”

“Mhm?”

“You can’t drink in front of other men. If you plan on drinking, let me know and I’ll take care of you. No one can see you drunk and vulnerable except me, okay?”

“Of course, my love! Maybe next year, you can show me where you got that kickass mulled wine from.”

“Mulled wine?”

“Yeah, that one you left on my doorstep. With the note.”

“I didn’t leave anything on your doorstep.”

“...”

“Hmm… maybe I should stop drinking random alcohol that appears next to me…”

“Y/N?!”

Bonus:

As you both were cuddled up on the couch half-asleep, watching a random Christmas movie as the fireplace crackled in the background, you were brought back to a realization. You never thanked the person that made this all possible.

You quickly got up causing Ren to jolted up at your sudden movements and stare at you wide-eyed as you made your way to his window.

“Baby, what’re you doing?” he asked cautiously with a yawn.

“I need to probably thank the person that brought us together today.”

You collapsed your hands together and smiled up at the starry-night sky, immediately catching a glimpse of the brightest twinkling star in the sky.

“Oh, you mean Santa–”

“Oh, thank you Lord Gege, you are truly my savior. If I had known praying to you would’ve gotten me results like this I would’ve prayed sooner. You are truly the ‘God of Handsome Men’.”

“Wait– what?”

“I will continue to support you and buy all of your merchandise…”

“...Y/N?”

“Mhm?”

“Are you praying to another man? While your boyfriend is right here?” You could hear the pout in his voice, but his face screamed baby-faced yandere.

You smiled and made your way back to your spot on the sofa. “Well, Lord Gege is more like a God amongst men to me now. But, of course I had to thank him.” You softly poked Ren’s puffed up cheeks. “I prayed to him the night before and he granted my wish. I am now the girlfriend to the cutest man alive!”

Ren blushed your words and decided to let your little prayer slide this time. Looks like you found the cute yandere’s weakness. Whether you decide to tease him in the future only time will tell.

—

a/n: merry christmas, my trash babies~˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ i know it's been a while since i've updated, but i couldn't leave the year off without a little slight yandere fic. i was planning on uploading two fics this month, but adhd brain and procrastination are praying on my downfall. so enjoy, a cute fic with a cute soft yandere for the holidays.

happy holidays~!❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅

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dilemmaontwolegs · 10 months

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The Aftermath || LN4 {Epilogue}

Pairing: Lando Norris x widow!reader Summary: Equilibrium is found and the new year brings more than just one new beginning. Warnings: 18+ only, smut, fluff, pregnancy, mentions of dad!PND WC: 2.7k

F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine || Ten || Eleven || Twelve || Thirteen || Epilogue

Pre-season Testing - Bahrain The door to the hotel room opened and Lando’s keys jingled as he tossed them on the kitchen table before he called out to you. Following the sound of your voice, he nudged the bathroom door open wider to see the spa bath overflowing with bubbles and the candles flickered from the draft of the door.

“Hi baby,” you greeted as you tipped a few drops of lavender oil into the water.

Lando used the heel of his shoe to kick the door closed behind him before pulling his shirt over his head and crossing the tiled floor. “Hi,” he breathed across your nape as he grabbed your hips and pulled your back flush against his chest. “Is this for me?”

You tipped your head back on his shoulder and peered up at him with a lazy smile. “Only if you let me join you.”

His hands untied the bathrobe and he tugged it from your body when he stepped back, biting his lip as his eager eyes traced your body. He couldn’t undress fast enough, carelessly shoving his jeans down his legs and kicking them to the corner of the room before stepping into the bath and sighing with contentment as he submersed himself in the hot water. “Come on then, love,” he invited as he held his hand out for you, his wedding band catching the lights. “Waited all day for this.”

Lando looked completely relaxed as he rested his head back on the lip of the bath and his hands ran up the smooth expanse of your calves when you stepped in. A mischievous smile played as his lips when he reached the back of your knees and tugged. You squealed with surprise as you started to fall towards him before his large hands caught your waist and safely lowered you the rest of the way until you were straddling his hips.

“Not funny,” you chided with a little laugh as you splashed him with water.

He wiped away the water with a laugh before you draped your arms around his neck and kissed the short hairs along his jaw that had grown back since he shaved earlier in the morning. The last twelve hours had been long but there was a light in his eyes that had been regenerated behind the wheel of his race car in the middle eastern heat.

“I told you I won’t let you fall,” he reminded, turning his face to meet your lips.

“But then you made me fall in the hardest way,” you teased, and his face looked a little smug as you whispered, “in love.”

“Yes, I did,” he smirked. His hand wet your hair as he cupped the back of your head and drew you closer so he could deepen the kiss and you felt his body stirring beneath yours. “That’s exactly how I plan to keep you for the rest of my life.”

“Speaking of life, there’s not much longer we can keep this one secret…”

Lando’s smile grew as you sat up and the slight swell of your abdomen became more noticeable. You thought your period hadn’t returned because you were breastfeeding Ren. It wasn’t until her first birthday when the smell of the strawberry cake made you rush to the bathroom that you found out you were pregnant. Almost four months along, in fact.

Lando had been overjoyed at the news and, once the shock wore off, you were too.

He had been due to start weaning off his medication before the new season began but with the slight curveball his doctor had suggested waiting a while longer. It had meant letting the FIA know what he was taking since everything showed up in the drug screening but it didn’t come as a shock since he had been open with everyone about his diagnosis of postnatal depression and anxiety.

Lando had begun taking the anti-anxiety medication shortly after his sudden retirement announcement at Imola and, after a few tweaks to the dosage, he found his overactive thoughts calmed and he started to feel less like a passenger in his own body. You had your husband back and he found his confidence once more.

“So we don’t,” he said as his thumb traced one of the many stretch marks on your stomach before his eyes travelled up your body to meet yours. “You are so beautiful, my love.”

Lando’s hand drifted down over your hip and between your thighs, his thumb circling your clit until your head fell back with a soft moan. “Are you sure?” you asked before you lost all ability to think.

“That you are beautiful? Absolutely.”

Goosebumps broke out as he teased the column of your neck with whispers of kisses, his breath warmer than the touch of his lips. “Lando…”

He pulled back and you lost yourself to his fathomless eyes as his smile faded and seriousness shaded his features. “I’m sure, love.”

Excitement at the thought of sharing the happy news had you lean forward and deepen the kiss as you rose on your knees. Lando’s hands glided over your skin to reach your hips, gripping them as he guided you down over him with a satisfied moan, your body stretching to welcome him.

You grabbed the edge of the bath and he watched with half-lidded eyes as you slowly rode him, the water gently lapping at the marble walls of the bath. There was no rushing or haste, Renleigh was with Grandma Maria and there was no place either of you needed to be other than in this moment.

“Are you going to tell me how the car ran?”

His lips curled up into a proud grin and the teasing circles of his thumb shifted as he applied pressure where you needed it most, your back arching in response as he tested your ability to multitask and concentrate. “She’s a rocket, love. I can’t wait to get back in there tomorrow.”

Your eyes fluttered shut at the pleasure both his body and his words gave you. His passion for racing had returned with the combination of counselling and medication and to hear it in his voice brought you an incredible amount of joy.

“This is it,” he continued, his voice a little breathless as he felt your core tightening around him. “I have a good feeling about this year.”

Warmth spread through your body and the waves slapped at the lip of the bath as you rocked your hips faster. “Me too, baby. This is your year, I can feel it.” Your words faded to incoherent moans and your knees clamped around his hips as your pleasure peaked.

“I know what you're feeling…” Lando gave a husky chuckle as he cupped your ass with both hands and ground his hips up into you with his own release. “All me, baby.”

The bath water was nearly cold by the time you got out. It had been far too comfortable laying back in Lando’s embrace, his hands resting on your little bump. It was too soon for him to feel the small kicks that you could but he held it just in case.

“We should get going,” you interrupted the peace and quiet.

Lando groaned as you got out of the bath, all too happy to stay in the bath all night if it meant he could hold your body against his. But he also missed Renleigh and for her he pulled himself up and accepted the towel you held out.

You weren’t sure you were going to make it out of the hotel room when he saw the dress you wore. The material was tight in all the right places and you could see the ideas floating through Lando’s mind as he twirled a finger until you gave him a little spin.

“I need to learn some French from Maria,” he uttered after he rolled his tongue across his bottom lip. “There’s so many English words to describe how beautiful you are, but it’s still not enough.”

“You hit 30 and turned into an old sap,” you teased as you tossed him the room keys.

“You hit 30 and turned into a milf,” he shot back with a wink as he swaggered towards the door but you caught him by his belt as he passed by you.

“You think you can call me that and get away without backing it up?” you asked as you tugged him closer and captured his smirking lips in a searing kiss. You pulled away breathless before you could wrap your legs around him and gave him a small push away that made him chuckle.

“Hormones got the better of you again, love?” he asked knowingly as you fanned your face and narrowed your eyes at him.

“Just walk behind me,” you ordered as you opened the door and stepped out. “If I look at you I’m going to try to jump you in a maintenance closet or something.”

Lando’s laugh followed you the entire way down the hall but there was no way you could avoid looking at him when the elevator doors closed. A smug grin split his face as he leaned against the mirrored wall and crossed his arms. “Feeling okay?”

You shot him a dirty glare that only amused him further and just to throw fuel on the fire he reached up to stretch his back with a satisfied sound that should have been reserved for the bedroom. The tanned skin over his toned abs peeked out as his fingers touched the ceiling and you swallowed at the sight before turning your back on him.

“Now you’re just being mean,” you murmured, meeting his sparkling blue eyes in the mirror.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Thankfully the hotel was wider than it was tall and it didn’t take long to reach the lobby floor where Maria was just arriving for the evening event after enjoying the day with Renleigh.

“Where’s Zak?” Lando asked as he lifted a wriggling Ren into his arms. Now that she could walk she had no interest in being carried and squirmed until he reluctantly placed her feet back on the ground.

“You know how it is with time zones, Indycar starts this week too so he’s just catching the end of that practice,” Maria shrugged, well and truly used to her husband up at all hours for meetings with his other McLaren race teams. “He’ll join us shortly.”

“Ow, fu-udge,” Lando almost swore as he cupped himself, his teammate popping out from behind him guilty of the childish act they never outgrew.

“Sorry,” Carlos laughed unapologetically as he kissed your cheek. “I had to get him back for earlier.”

“You can hit him all you want now,” you said with a wave to your husband who had the tenacity to look betrayed, despite his actions in the elevator.

“You must have really pissed her off, ay ‘mano,” Carlos tutted with a shake of his head.

“No,” Lando groaned as he straightened up and righted himself with a shift of his legs. “I just don’t need my bollocks anymore, thanks for that mate.”

“But I thought you wanted…what!” Carlos’ eyes widened as he looked at you, stepping a bit to the side so he could see your profile before his hand flew to his mouth. “¿Estás embarazada? You’re pregnant?”

“Almost half way along,” you confirmed as Lando smiled proudly. “You’re the first outside of the family to know.”

Carlos’ excitement burst free in a torrent of Spanish as he picked Lando up in a big hug before scooping up Ren. She didn’t fuss like she did with you and Lando, instead she was too busy trying to steal the gold chain that hung around Carlos’ neck.

“Outside of the family,” Carlos scoffed at Ren. “What is your mama talking about? I’m Tio Carlos. Say it with me, Ti-o Car-los.”

“Ti-ti!” Ren babbled with a clap of her hands.

“That’s right, sweetheart,” Lando smirked. “His name is Uncle Titty. Good girl.”

Carlos rolled his eyes and continued to try to get your daughter to speak. “Ti-o, Tee-ooh, Tio, ah, we’ll work on it.”

More drivers soon arrived at the first event of the year and Lando was greeted warmly by them all. Though the medication had quickly made a difference to him, he hadn’t changed his mind about retiring until the end of the season - after months of exploring his fears and thinking with a psychologist and sharing them with you.

Zak had been relieved to hear the news that he was going to return, especially when he also told Lando that Carlos was returning after hearing rumours he wanted out of Ferrari. The two had good history and worked well as a team so there wouldn’t be any of the usual teething problems that came with breaking in new teammates. It was Zak’s dream team for winning that elusive Constructors Championship and with Max having retired from Formula One there was a real shot.

Lando looked around and you saw the little slump of his shoulders when he remembered he wouldn’t find Max. The five time World Champion was probably enjoying his retirement on his super yacht along the Amalfi Coast or playing in a Fifa tournament. But, no matter what, they always found time to hang out and get brunch at least once a month when they were both in Monaco at the same time.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” Carlos asked, having looked for him too when the Red Bull drivers arrived.

“Weirder than when Lewis and Nando left,” he muttered.

A waitress circled with a tray of champagne flutes and Carlos plucked two up, bypassing you and Lando to hand it to Maria. There was only a small look of longing that Lando had as the flute passed by but he wasn’t allowed to drink with his tablets and the one time he had ignored that advice has left him with his head in the toilet bowl after only two shots.

“We didn’t grow up with them though, I think that’s what makes it strange.” Carlos took a sip of his drink before spotting Charles on the other side of the room. “Now we are the old dogs.”

“Speak for yourself, mate. How’s that going?” Lando asked, noticing the same stiffening in Carlos as you had.

“It is what it is,” Carlos sighed before finishing the rest of his drink to build up the courage to talk to his old teammate. The two hadn’t left on the greatest of terms, since Carlos had inadvertently blamed the fact that Ferrari held favouritism towards Charles as the main reason for leaving. “I should go talk to him.”

Carlos kissed Ren’s head and carefully removed his necklace that she had tangled around her fingers before passing her to Lando.

“Good luck,” you wished him with a smile as you rubbed his arm. “If it comes to a dust up in the car park, Nurse Norris is pretty good at patching people up.”

He managed a small laugh and relaxed a little knowing that at least it was something that would never happen. There had often been tension between the two throughout their years on the same team, sometimes more than the level it was currently at, so he was fairly certain that this too would blow over.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist as you watched Carlos leave before scanning the crowd of both new faces and old. “Glad you came back?” you asked as you rested your head on Lando’s shoulder.

“Yeah, couldn’t have done it without you.” You felt his smile against your cheek that he pressed to his, watching the crowd grow from over your shoulder. He started to pull away for a moment as Renleigh darted off to a familiar face but he caught himself before he could become the helicopter parent. It was Zak she had barrelled towards and was carrying her back on his hip.

“This is where you belong,” you said as you squeezed his hand. “It’s your oxygen.”

Lando turned you in his arms and shook his head as he tipped your chin back to hold you captive with his eyes. “You’re my oxygen, love. You, Ren, this little one,” he swore as he cradled your bump. “I love racing, but I can live without it. I need you to survive.”

The end…

Tagging: @yunnie-f1 @neiich @zendayabelova @stillbreathin @dr3lover @writerscurse @christianpulisic10 @alwaysclassyeagle @alexisquinnlee-bc @purplephantomwolf @lightsoutletsgo @pleasantducktimetravel @pierre-gasllllllyyyyyy @holy-macncheese-balls @belennasif @ophcelia @love4lando @ryiamarie @mickslover @tyna-19 @fdl305

#lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 rpf #formula one imagine #formula 1 fanfic #f1 smut

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gooeyringtown · 20 days

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Can you do a head canon on Barbie/Gloria in the same verse as the movie? Like they are a couple because OBVI, but with your interpretation on...

who wakes up first?

who is most protective?

who is quick to jealousy?

who is the big spoon?

yes absolutely!! i did quite a lot LMAO so i'm gonna put a little cut-off

*slight nsfw warning for some

who wakes up first? : gloria, usually. barbie is a HEAVYY sleeper and snores very softly and gloria thinks it's very cute.

who is most protective? : both. gloria primarily because barbie is new (at first) to the world and she knows how unnecessarily nasty some people can be. barbie is protective in the sense that she carefully watches how everybody speaks to and treats gloria, especially considering the fact that she knows how futile gloria can sometimes feel.

who is quick to jealousy? : both. but more-so barbie. she has big feelings and they're quick to get the best of her (gloria thinks it's hot)

who is the big spoon? : i love this one and i think barbie would be, even though she's the more gentle one. she loves the idea of being big and strong and protective over gloria, and gloria would adore it sm

who is more affectionate: barbie in public. gloria in private. (she's a huge softie for barbie and 100% always seeks her out for cuddles or a kiss on the cheek, or hand-holding, etc. especially after a day at work and EXTRA when barbie is being cute. which is always.)

who's most likely to apologize after an argument: gloria. i think they're both very rational, but barbie is a bit more stubborn and also an overthinker, so it can be tough to gather up her thoughts and feelings. by the time she wants to apologize, gloria already has.

who makes the first move and how?: both. but gloria starts it. she gets home from a really long, tiring day at work, remembering that sasha had mentioned a project she needed help on, and she's just exhausted. she walks into the house, though, to see barbie at the dining table helping sasha with said-project, nearly finished. dinner's also made on the stove. barbie beams at her and welcomes her home, giving her a big hug and gushing excitedly about how she and sasha worked so hard. sasha goes upstairs to put her stuff away, and barbie has pencil stains on her hand and face, her hair a little windswept, and she looks so simple and so perfect, and gloria says "kiss me." so barbie does.

who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?: gloria. she doesn't mean to be; she just has some of those days once in a while where everything can feel so difficult. she usually feels better with some alone time. barbie is very understanding of that and loves to set up gloria's home studio with some art supplies and candles and books just in case gloria wants to spend some time in there. she'll also make her some tea/coffee if gloria feels like it

who is the most romantic?: barbie. she is very silly at first as she gets the hang of it (she nearly gets arrested again for trespassing on private property to pick some of gloria's favorite flowers from a garden) but that woman is a LOVERBOY

who can’t keep their hands to themselves?: depends which way… if u mean generally touchy, barbie. if u mean in the saucy way, GLORIA.

who says ‘I love you’ first?: barbie. she says it very passively bc she thought it was obvious, and gloria cries. barbie is kind of like 🧍🏼‍♀️

what do they get up to on a night out?: i feel like they'd love to go to a pottery class where they make stuff for each other. or an arcade. but mainly i think they'd LOVE to go to one of those places where they give you a cake that's already made/baked and you just decorate it. they'd have so much fun and afterwards they'd probably stay up late at home, eating it in the kitchen and just talking for hours

who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?: barbie

who cried the most at graduation?: BARBIE LMAO. SHE WAS SOBBING.

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?: barbie bc she's like 'i've been there, girl.'

what do they like in bed?: barbie likes to be rough sometimes. she also has a thing for gloria whimpering/moaning right into her ear. little bit of a thing for size. and riding. gets super turned on when gloria gets off on her stomach. gloria likes a bit of dirty talk. queen of giving head. lovessss whispering against barbie's lips while she fingers her slowly. has a thing for marks/bruises, espeically leaving them. teasing/edging barbie is her favorite thing, to the point where barbie gets insanely frustrated (sometimes it results in her getting extra rough and flipping them over)

did any of their friends or family want them to get together?: yes. pretty much everybody. gloria's family thinks barbie is absolutely adorable and they could see how much happier gloria became with her around. sasha, ofc, is barbiegloria's biggest shipper but has to be cool about it

who felt romantic feelings first?: ok i think the obvious answer would be barbie, but i hc it as both. though gloria's were much more level and she was like "fuck." and internally panicked and tried to approach it reasonably, whereas barbie was like OH MY GODDDD IM IN LOVE 😭🥹🥹💘 SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFEEEEEE

did either of them try to resist their feelings?: yes. gloria mainly because she feared the change would be too drastic for sasha and couldn't help but imagine if things didn't work out, how messy it could become

what would their lives be like if they had never met?: barbie would be that packaged box of perfection, but without substance and completely superficial. she would have never known imperfection and the joys of being human and the immeasurable beauty in all the mundane things like reading a book, trying a new food, hearing a pretty song. gloria would be lost to the feeling of those impossible standards and spend her life never being free. never feeling good enough. they truly do liberate one another

were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?: gloria was barbie's first everything. barbie was gloria's first love, and the only true one. also the one that outlived and outshined all the others

what’s their height difference? age difference?: gloria is 5'1 and barbie is 5'10 idc. barbie is like 34/35 and gloria is 37

who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?: gloria into barbie's ear, all the time. but once barbie starts doing it, she LOVESSS it. she's so cheeky. and gloria is always death staring her bc she knows damn well they can't do anything

what kind of nicknames do they call each other?: gloria calls barbie honey, mi amor, baby. barbie calls gloria love/my love, babe, and baby also.

who remembers the little things?: barbie mostly.

who’s the stricter parent?: gloria

who worries the most?: gloria. because barbie can be very not careful with some things (like she's still understanding the concept of fire being very hot)

who kills the bugs in the house?: barbie. but she feels bad about it later on and stays up thinking about it sometimes

how do they celebrate holidays?: with gloria's family!

who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?: barbieeeee. gloria can't resist that pout and sleepy face

Who’s the better cook?: gloria. her cooking skills are AMAZINGGGGG

who likes to dance?: gloria!! she loves dancing and is great at it omg. that woman can MOVE. she always makes barbie dance with her at family events or any parties where there's music and a dancefloor

bonus random hcs i have written down:

barbie is very athletic and plays beach volleyball and does karate. she works CRAZY hard to get her purple belt, all so she can let sasha have it because that's sasha's favorite color

barbie grows her own roses to make gloria a bouquet for mother's day

gloria teaches barbie how to swim. (barbie has to wear those little kid floaties)

barbie takes her youtube videos very seriously and will be up at like 1am watching a 45 minute video on some shit like how a gecko hatches or something. she'll bump gloria like 'babe look' even though gloria is asleep

they have a little thing they do where they get those paint-by-number sets and do them together. they're collecting them<33

sasha makes barbie do the fire noodle challenge (barbie is sick for like a day)

when barbie gets her first cut/scab, sasha gets her a band-aid and barbie tears up and is all like 'thank you so much sasha. it's beautiful' while petting the band-aid

sasha is like wtf

barbie learns about mood rings and thinks they're actually magical and is so excited to wear it

sasha is like 'i'm gonna tell her it's all based on temperature.' and gloria is all 'no you're not!!'

sasha is a d&d fiend on the dl and barbie asks her about it one day

they proceed to nerd out together

barbie becomes ENAMORED with dragons

barbie and gloria have a shared journal and they take turns writing in it every night before bed

they also have their own book club where they read a book together (barbie especially loves it bc gloria usually reads a chapter or two for them before bed while barbie lays hugging gloria's stomach and gloria plays with her hair.)

ok that's all for now... if i think of any more hcs, i'll make a separate post/pt.2 ☺️

thank you sm for the ask! i hope you like these!!🩷

#barbie 2023 #barbie #barbie x gloria #gloria x barbie #glorbie #barbiegloria #margot robbie #america ferrera #headcanons #glorbie headcanons #barbie movie #asks

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ilexdiapason · 2 months

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[@theminecraftbee inspired this fic! hermitcraft season 10's south neighbourhood becoming werewolves for the bit, ft. ren's propensity to take it seriously, and being the only one who does]

It was Stress who started it.

"C'mon, it'll be fun! I've never been a wolf before!"

"Werewolf," Ren corrects, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose tetchily. "And it's not fun. It's a chronic condition that needs constant management and can lead to some serious carnage if it's not properly cared for."

"Ah, who cares about a bit'a carnage? It's, like, week two. People die, they'll come back, no harm done. And you're tellin' me you don't see the appeal in a pair'a teeth like that?"

"Not - not really?"

Stress huffs, good-natured, tilting her head and baring her neck. "Think about it!"

"That's vampires," says Ren, "you're thinking of vampires who bite necks. Werewolves don't have a designated spot to bite. Because, like I said, it's not supposed to be fun. You're not supposed to want it."

She sighs loudly and uprights herself. "Alright. Figure something else out, then, shall I?"

"Do what you will," he tells her.

And then...

Well, it's a very unfortunate coincidence, is what it is.

He doesn't mean to get as wrapped up in his Ministerial Administrative duties as he does. There's a lot of paperwork that Xisuma cheerfully shrugged off on him when he realised Ren was assuming an admin position willingly - inventory checks and server code assessments and Right To Host permits that all need to be thoroughly combed through before they can be signed off on. It's not the most interesting job in the world, but Ren's been dying for a bit of busywork for a little while now. Strange how a life full of nothing but card games and deadly dungeons can leave you pining for the simpler days.

But the evening stretches on, and the letters start to swim before his eyes a little, and it's all too easy to just let himself rest on top of the pile of papers for a second before he gets back into things, gently lit by the glow of the full moon...

Ren wakes up, as he does more often than he'd care to admit, entirely naked.

He's in the street. Or what will be the street once the roadworks have gone underway, which is currently a patch of grass like all the other patches of grass around him. His office is maybe fifty blocks eastward, his trousers are nowhere to be seen, and the sunlight is altogether far too bright for him to take in much more than that.

Once he stumbles back to the office with naught but a pair of paws for cover, he finds his sunglasses and his shirt, and he can start putting the pieces together. Namely that his upper body is quite thoroughly splashed with blood, his claws are also caked in red, and the vial of wolfsbane he was meant to take last night is sitting unopened on the floor amid a pile of shredded paperwork.

So. Erm.

Some explaining to be done, then.

His clothes were shredded by his transformation, but of course he's got spares on hand for emergencies exactly like these ones. Shame about his periwinkle tie; it's going to need a cold wash, a hot wash, and a good bit of stitching to get it back in pristine condition. Unless he could convince Xisuma to do a rollback, but he doubts it at this early point in the season where so many people are working through the night to get themselves set up. Mending will have to suffice.

He also finds his comm lying in the wreckage. The chat history is... illuminating.

<Iskall85> is that ren i see outside?

<Xisuma> Looks like

<Iskall85> oh dear

<Iskall85> oh dear oh dear

<Iskall85> everybody keep your doors locked unless you want to become a werewolf

<StressMonster101> ...

<Iskall85> stress???

<StressMonster101> well i was finkin about it?

<Iskall85> you're insane

<Iskall85> go on then. girl's night

<StressMonster101> false! you coming?

<falsesymmetry> to get infected with lycanthropy?

<falsesymmetry> yeah, alright

<ZombieCleo> did i hear girls night?

<Iskall85> i take it back. we're ALL insane

<falsesymmetry> wait, this won't kill me, will it?

<Iskall85> yes??? what do you think turning into a werewolf is

<falsesymmetry> oh, better not risk it then

<Iskall85> only on the hermitcraft server

<hypnotizd> do NOT start without me

Ren blinks, and blinks again, and checks his claws, as though he might be able to tell which of his friends' blood is under them.

Girl's night. They're all transformed into hideous creatures of the night just like him because they thought it would be fun. And here he stands uncognizant of any of it.

He's gonna need to call another meeting.

(At sundown, though. Today is a writeoff for the vast majority of the neighbourhood. Worse than any hangover, trust me.)

#hermitcraft spoilers #hermitcraft season 10 #hermitcraft #rendog #hermitcraft fanfiction #ilexworks #mcytfic #hermitfic

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justblades · 2 years

Text

QUICKIES WITH THEM !

♡ CHARACTERS : luca kaneshiro, sonny brisko + ren zotto x gender neutral! reader

♡ WARNINGS : SMUT, MDNI. exhibitionism, food play, oral sex, anal sex, public sex, size difference, not proofread.

LUCA KANESHIRO

it all started when the traffic flooded the blacktop highways causing a great headache for both you and luca. numerous beeping sounds, constant revving engines of the vehicles fill the air and you were beyond dismayed. this vacation was supposed to be an enjoyable one free of stress but the first step for it was already . . the complete opposite of the latter. his gloved right hand rubs your thighs in an attempt to soothe the annoyance searing in your mind while his left hand manages the black leather steering wheel.

he continues to keep on the lookout, whipping his head left and right to see if there were any signs of improvement of the situation already. the blond wears his black rimmed aviators as the sun rays' almost blind him from how sweltering hot the summer is— although it was already evident enough from the sweat staining luca's plain, onyx button down with patches of darker shades. you draw a long, blue sigh, irked from the events that keep on transpiring. when suddenly, you feel a thumb drawing viscules and irregular shapes on your clothed region, making you heave a deep breath and look at luca with a horrified expression.

luca pretends to not know why you're glaring daggers and just keeps on doing that. your inner thighs clench from the extreme sensation, the parching temperature making you feel dizzy as well. "luca . ." you murmur as your energy drops down, letting him do to you whatever he has in mind. "let's do something fun to pass the time."

before you knew it, you were straddling luca's lap as he continuously licks and sucks on your neck's sweet spot; all the while his cock was ramming in and out of your velvet walls. you were drained of patience and energy and in return you couldn't do anything but moan in esctasy while the male does all the work. it felt humilating to be doing it when you're surrounded with lots of people, but however, you couldn't care at all for they don't know any of your indentities. plus, this was a first ever public sex you had with luca, you can't stop, not when you're fully lapping his dick up by clamping around his size, seizing this bizarre yet contenting moment. you couldn't stop even when you've been sensing multiple pairs of eyes set on the both of your figures, basking in pleasure in the middle of a heavy traffic. "luca, luca, please faster."

SONNY BRISKO

barging into sonny's office with no forewarnings, you skipped your way inside and welcomed the blond with a tight hug plus a homemade dessert on your hand. "sonny our oh so hardworking vsf officer! here, i baked something for you!" you exclaim as you see sonny's lazulline eyes twinkle with wonder and excitement at the same time. you unwrap the ribbon keeping the container closed and a wonderful sight welcomes his vision.

it was a dark forest cake with his name written on top with the use of neon yellow frostings— solely catered for his preferences and colors he adore. the male dips his finger on the whipped cream which caught you by surprise and proceeded to get a quick taste. "hmmm." he hums, pondering what are the perfect words to describe your masterpiece. sonny then places the cake atop his desk table and pulls you close to his chest, his heart pulsates loud and fast from the thin white button down he was wearing.

you were in a confused state as you couldn't budge but melt from his sweet gestures, but then it all takes a sudden turn when his hands roam down your lower region and his tall nose brushing along the sensitive spot of your ears. "eat first before this." you mumble weakly but sonny's breaths deepens in exchange, getting a proper whiff of your signature scent. "i have my food right here." the flaxen haired responds as he forcibly spreads your legs open, gently stroking your sex with his slender, calloused hands.

it felt absurd to be bent over sonny's office table while loud moans continue to slip out of your mouth. he's licking the neon colored frostings smeared on your naked back as he thrusts his hard dick into your loosening hole, eyes darted on your body— making sure he cleans your skin off the whipped creams. you yelp whenever his tongue flicks lower and lower as well as when he pushes himself deeper and deeper, you swear to heavens it's not like sonny to do this. but you highkey hope this happens more often.

REN ZOTTO

teaching him all about human anatomy, you give him permission to see your body and experiment with you until he finally grasps the concept of each part. it was a ludicrous proposal you asked ren out of the blue— the shocking part of it was he accepted and now you're stuck in this predicament. his sharp rings trace lines on your skin until your lower region, his eyes widening upon examining each detail. you couldn't do anything but to cover your eyes in embarrassment, but when ren touches your genitalia, it almost makes you cream from the feeling.

"what? don't tell me to stop now, something is telling me we're just getting on to the exciting part." his smooth voice chimes into your ears like a big tease, and ren does it again. this time, his pointy, peculiar tongue glides all over your hole's surface. "ren!" you call out to him, wanting to be spared some piece of mercy on your body but he refuses to do so. he uses his hand along with his mouth to lap your sex up endlessly, continuously doing strokes and circling motions around the part.

for a mere mortal, it felt surreal to have your region sucked on by an alien who happened to enjoy too much of your abashed reactions from his skillful movements. "are you sure you're not one of us? you can't be too good at this!" you whine as you clasp your hands on his smooth ebony strands, while ren only beams you a toothy grin in return.

"is there anything you can do to satisfy me too?" he shoots the question and as if another soul took over you, you spread your legs open to let him see all of your body. he hums in approval and licks his lips in anticipation— he finally buries his enormous cock inside your tight walls, the warmth your body exudes is one that comforts the alien in the most sexual way as possible. his pace picks up the more he thrusts into you, to the point you could no longer keep up with his tempo and your pelvis just giving out until the very last pound. "cheeky bastard of an alien are you?" he snickers, sunset and teal irises squinting into two crescent moons. "you just knew?"

my masterlist !

#luxiem #luxiem smut #luca kaneshiro #luca kaneshiro x reader #luca kaneshiro smut #noctyx #sonny brisko #noctyx smut #sonny brisko x reader #iluna #ren zotto x reader #ren zotto smut #sonny brisko smut

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howlingday · 3 months

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Ruby: ...

Jaune: ...

Blake: ...

Yang: ...

Ren: ...

Weiss: ...

Pyrrha: ...

Nora: ...

Oscar: ...Timmy is an average kid, that no one understands...

Ruby: Mom and Dad and Vicky always giving him commands~!

Yang: BED, TWERP!

Weiss: Doom and gloom up in his room are broken instantly~!

Blake: By his magic little fish who grant his every wish~!

RWBYJNPRO: 'CAUSE IN REALITY~! THEY ARE HIS ODDPARENTS, FAIRLY ODDPARENTS~!

Taiyang: Wands and wings~!

Qrow: Little crowny things~! (Slips down the stairs)

RWBYJNPRO: ODDPARENTS, FAIRLY ODDPARENTS~!

Ren: Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod~!

Oscar: Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice!~

Nora: Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, CHOCOLATE SHAKE~!

RWBYJNPRO: ODDPARENTS, FAIRLY ODDPARENTS~!

Pyrrha: It really flips your lid when you are kid with

RWBYJNPRO: FAIRLY ODDPARENTS~!

Jaune: Yeah, right!

RWBYJNPRO: BOP! (Sit down)

Jaune: ...Who lives in a pineapple under the-

Nora: No, no, we're done.

#rwby #nickelodeon #fairly oddparents #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #lie ren #oscar pine #qrow branwen #taiyang xiao long

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katze-thief · 8 months

Text

five days for love confession

pairing: Ren Amamiya/Akira Kurusu x fem!reader

summary: Shujin Academy is holding its annual cultural festival, and it seems that five days of preparation is all it takes to make your crush fall in love with you.

chapter one: prologue

"five days for love confession" series' masterlist

It was a fact that Ren Amamiya did not have the best reputation at Shujin Academy.

Of course, this was due to his criminal record status, but it was more about the implications of it. He couldn’t say anything when a student treated him badly, or delivered lies in form of hot gossips around the student body. Ren heard it all — that, supposedly, he carried a knife around, that he committed audacious crimes frequently and even more. All lies, surely, however, due to the student body being formed of high-profile students, a single complain about his conduct towards other student could mean the end of probation for him. For the worse.

Because of his reputation (and uttermost lack of capacity of deniability), teachers felt that they could basically use Ren as a fix-it man in the organization of Shujin’s events. After all, why bother convincing students to participate and form a minimum quorum, if you can just place the same one? And it wasn’t different with the annual cultural festival of Shujin’s Academy. When he squished himself in between of the crowd of students to see the lists, his name was in almost every single one. Shocking news.

At the end of that evening, Ren, the rest of the Phantom Thieves, and you, were reunited at the attic of LeBlanc, a.k.a. Ren’s bedroom. After you all ate cookies, cake and drank coffee downstairs, now you were trying to figure out in which activities each one was, to assure he wouldn’t go through this utterly traumatizing experience of being at Shujin all day alone (as in the words of Ryuji). The cozy smell of coffee embalmed the place, as well as the woody scent, both so familiar for you.

“I’m in the dancing and musical arts’ front, doing ‘Legally Blonde’” Ann chuckled. She was sitting beside Makoto on the floor, as they made matching bracelets with beads. “It’s the first time Shujin does musicals, right?”

Makoto nodded, reorganizing the beads. “I’m responsible for the festival’s haunted house. Indeed, we only have me, the student council and Ren at this one.” Ren winced at the reminder of work. “You all should subscribe for this one. It’s still open.” She said, stern.

You played chess with Ren on the other side of the bedroom, while they talked and scribbled on paper. Both of you were sitting on his bed, as the checkered board stood on a pillow. Ren didn’t want them to take on more work just for his wellbeing, in fact, he made it clear that was against this whole commotion on LeBlanc. You, however, already expected the school counsellor to put him in every activity, so you secretly sent him a letter asking to be in the same activities as Ren, so he wouldn’t be alone (which may or may not be because of your, also secret, crush for him).

Ren moved the bishop and grinned “Checkmate.”

“How?” you said surprised, not even paying attention to the entire mess of a discussion that your friends were having over the schedule.

The fact was that Ren was terribly bad at chess, at least in comparison to you. He never win, so it was a small joke in between you two ever since you met. It was always the ‘It’ll probably happen when you win me on chess’ for impossible things. However, today’s Earth decided to debunk your saying.

Ren adjusted his glasses, proudly, and redid the sequence of movements of the game, but you could only notice the flicker of his bright eyes, how his wavy hair moved as he explained his thought behind his actions with his throaty voice and—

“Guys!” Ryuji yelled, which made all of you stop and stare at him. He was holding a sheet of paper, one from the pile of lists’ copies, and in his face was the pure look of horror. “I’m gonna cook curry. Cook curry. Wha’ the f-??”

“Let me guess, that’s another one for Ren too?” Yusuke joked, making everyone (except Ren) laugh.

“At least is one thing he actually can cook.” Morgana added, intensifying the laughs.

After that, everyone chatted for a while, before going away. You knew all of them were the Phantom Thieves, so when they stood up to leave, scary looking at the clock, you got it why too. The ‘We need to rest to enter another palace this weekend’ was always there, implicit, even though they didn’t share their plans as thieves with you. It was like those unreachable places in the dreams — you knew the Metaverse existed and knew that your friends frequented it and was behind all those events on the news, but it wasn’t tangible for you. You could never experience it with them, see by yourself. And in those times, you felt less of a part of the group than them.

On the ride home, as you reminisced the memories from the day, you almost gagged when you remembered what you did. “I’m going to work endlessly all week, all day, at Shujin, because of a boy??” you thought to yourself. And oddly, that thought didn’t even scare you.

Because it was Ren Amamiya the boy you were going to spend the longest week of your junior year of high school with.

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dollxmania · 2 years

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ㅤㅤㅤ ❝ 𝐊𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌. ❞

no tws, mildly suggestive, gn reader. established ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ relationship for riddle, floyd, jamil, idia. do not send asks for reqs.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎docile ren arc over. forget being wooed over and getting kabedonned by the man of your dreams. tonight, they are getting kabedonned by the person of their dreams, you.

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ❝ 𝐖/ 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐖𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒. ❞

— RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎closing in, you finally had him where you wanted him. slamming your leg against the wall, you trapped Riddle as you taunted him with the treat in your hand. “no using magic, off campus,” you reminded riddle, grinning as you brought the plate you held against you towards him, cutting into it with a fork and trying to feed it to him. “I told you i shouldn’t eat something that sweet!” he tried to scold you to no avail as his face reddened not from anger but embarrassment as he could feel your hot breath against him, fork now near his lips. “but it’s not against the rules, is it?” you ask as he gulped, you had him there. there was no rule against it, nor was his mother here to tell him not to have excess sugar, but it still felt wrong. shutting his eyes, he turned his face to the side and warned you again to stop and release him. hearing you sigh and place the plate on the floor, he reopened his eyes only to see you readjusted and slammed your hands against the wall trapping him, leaning in and kissing him as he opened his mouth, letting you explore. pulling away you licked your lips and smiled. “the cakes not as sweet as that, at least.”

— LEONA KINGSCHOLAR. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Leona blinked slowly and almost curiously as he looked up at you, one leg you slammed over his head against the wall, the other stabilized yourself. he watched as you leaned down a bit, smiling smugly at him. “still sleepy, Kingscholar?” you asked, face now inches from his own. before he could swat you away, you catch his hand in your own, holding onto it as your free hand pressed a thumb to his lip, slightly parting it. “and what do you think you’re doing, herbivore?” he growled as his tail swayed slowly, one might think was from annoyance, but you knew better. the expression on his face mimicked your’s, an overly confident and cocky one. he was challenging you to see what’d you do. laughing in his face as you response, you replace your thumb on his bottom lip with your own, not going down without a fight as you claimed dominance, roughly tugging his locks before pulling away and wiping off the saliva trail connecting the two of you. “that, i suppose. and in case it weren’t clear, it was me marking my territory.”

— FLOYD LEECH. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ “shrimpy…” Floyd muttered while looking up at your face, back arched against Azul’s desk, and arms above his head. “this is why i said to be careful,” you scolded, removing your hand that cushioned his head to beside him, now trapping him between you as you inspected him over. “do you have any bruises?” you ask, pulling away slightly so you weren’t pressing your full body weight against the merman. shaking his head, no, you let out a sigh of relief as he giggled and took to scolding him again. “i warned you that you would slip, how many times do i have to tell you to watch where you’re going? are you even listening?” you felt like you’d age twenty years in the span of seconds while he was giggling at you for being worried. massaging your temple with one hand, you shook your head before leaning over once more, face against his, shutting your eyes and kissing him, finally reveling in the fact he stopped laughing at you. “if you want another, then learn to behave. otherwise, forget it.” you huffed while pulling away and walking off, leaving Floyd, Jade, and Azul in stunned silence by your actions.

— JAMIL VIPER. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ “mmph..♡ Jamil..,” you cooed, leaning more against him, chest pressed against his back as closely as possible while your hands trapped him against the kitchen island. “this is so good,” you huffed, dipping your head down again and biting into the snack he had just prepared and asked you to sample. teeth grazing against his fingers, he tried not to move as you finally pulled away with an audible pop, chin resting on his shoulder. “you…” he tried to call out your mischievous behavior, only for you to stick your tongue out at him teasingly, interrupting. “tastes delicious, i’m sure Kalim would love it.. but i’m no expert,” you tell him, pretending to contemplate for a second. acting as though a life bulb went off in your head, you take advantage of his flustered taste to tilt his face, kissing him as his hands grip the counter tightly, the faintest bit of blush on his cheeks. pulling away, you lick your lips and pull away, moving towards the plate. “does it taste how it should?” you ask, reaching for another and popping it into your mouth, relishing in his unusually flustered and frozen state.

— VIL SCHOENHEIT. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ sighing, you slammed your hands beside him, bringing your face into his as you closed your eyes and pressed your lips against his, pressing your leg between his own and deepening it. pulling away momentarily, you bring your mouth to his ear and whisper, “you still think i’m just a sproutling?” watching as he shudders slightly as you bite down on his ear gently, smiling back at him innocently. scoffing, he rolled his eyes at you, “even a sprout could do better,” Vil retorted, words betraying the deep blush evidently adorning on his face. “if you still want to believe that, i guess i’ll make you understand your place,” you said, hot breath hitting his ear before moving back to his lips, biting down and moving one hand from the wall into his locks, messing up both his hair and makeup in the process as the sounds of hot and rough kisses rang throughout the room. pulling away, you wipe his saliva off with your thumb and suck it off, pulling away with a loud pop. “have you learned it?” you asked, grinning.

— IDIA SHROUD. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ “isn’t that so…” you hear Idia, rambling to you, talking about the latest episode of a slice of life he just watched. you briefly remembered what it was about, deciding to indulge him slightly. “against the wall, now,” you ordered, making him stop mid sentence and stare at you wide-eyed. as he stood up, a thousand thoughts raced through his mind as you made your way over. “im sorry for rambling a normie like you is probably disgusted by someone like me, right? please don’t leave…” before his self-conscious thoughts could get worse, you ordered him against the wall again as he listened, watching you make your way closer, lifting your leg beside his waist. gripping his jacket collar, you pulled his face towards your own, kissing him as he turned bright pink all over. claiming his mouth as your’s, you pulled away at long last as he breathed heavily, stunned. “was that how it went?” you teased.

— SEBEK ZIGVOLT. ꒱·˚

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ slamming your hand against the wall, you stare directly into his now widened golden eyes, unwavering in your conviction. “that’s enough, Zigvolt,” you hissed, silencing him. moving closer to the point you chest was flush against his, you brought your free hand to his jaw, bringing his face close to your’s. “you think i’m a pathetic human?” you questioned, watching him growl slightly and try to retort, only to silence him again with a kiss, biting his bottom lip and exploring what you could with your tongue before needing to pull away for air. not wanting him to zone out, you bit his neck to bring him back to reality. “friday after class, you’ll pay, and take me to somewhere nice.” after giving him the time and place, you turn and walked off, leaving Sebek flustered and red faced in the hallway, the only time any of the students had seen him silent.

look gamers you can imagine the situation, before and after. today we say we are no longer being flustered, instead THEY are flustered messes by our very presence. this was meant to be short oops like five sentences. not damn essays: not proofread.

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lilliancdoodles · 9 days

Note

You’re heading to a ren faire?

What are they like? :>

YES!! They're so much fun. It's an entirely outdoor event where a bunch of people dress like high fantasy or dnd! There are entertainers, shows, shops, and a whole number of other things. People wear really whatever (within reason). Men in kilts, women in lowcut dresses, pirates, elves, full on dragons with working wings, people in their fur suits (how they don't melt is beyond me), and one year I even saw a Techno cosplay. Some little kids come in disney princess dresses just whatever. A bunch of people also just show up in casual T-Shirts and jeans. It's just a time to go wild and have full on fantasy fun.

Some of the popular shows are the falconry/bird show where these bird masters bring out and show their trained birds like falcons owls and show off tricks like having them fly over the crowd. They have jousting, archery, tomato throwing, knight training for little kids, face painting, hair braiding, a live glass blower, and a ton of other things. There are several mini shows all over the fair grounds telling the stories of Robin Hood and Maid Marian (I really want to go twice one year and spend one day just following the story all over the grounds). One of my favorite shows is the Washing Well Wenches, where these two women shamelessly flirt with the men in the audience, it's great. And if people want to they can get married at ren faire, they have a mini church at the grounds (maid marian and Robin Hood get married there in the mini event series)

They also have food there. I've gotten pineapple soft serve in a straight up pineapple, a turkey leg the size of my forearm (I shared it with my family, so 4 people for one leg) funnel cakes (fried dough covered in powdered sugar), but also some normal stuff like hot dogs. There is also alcohol everywhere, Im not old enough to drink so I don't partake in that, but it's there for those that want it.

For shops OH MY GOSH THE SHOPS. They have candle sellers, glass sellers, jewlery sellers, leather works like satchels and belts and fore-arm guards, cloaks, corsets (I got my corset at a renfaire), and so many other fun things. You could spend a whole day in just the different shops

If it's something you think you would be interested in I can't recommend it enough.

#LCAsks #I love ren faire so fucking much #It's just 'go be a nerd for a day'

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vacantgodling · 7 months

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i’m thinking about this post/image

and the thing is though… they don’t mean the same thing.

they convey the same message: “i’m going to x event/place” but the underlying tone about how the speaker FEELS about going to the event isn’t actually the same.

so to make this incredibly simple:

I’M UP FOR IT -> usually implies that the event in question isn’t really something you’re excited for but it’s something that you do have the physical ability to do, and there isn’t like a good reason NOT to do it, so you’ll go.

ie:

a: are you going to suzy’s party tomorrow?

b: eh, yeah, i’m up for it

which is saying that b doesn’t really want to go to suzy’s party (for one reason or another) but they don’t have a good reason not to go so they’ll be there.

I’M DOWN -> implies the exact opposite. you’re excited for whatever it is that you’re doing.

ie:

a: are you going to brent’s party tomorrow?

b: HELL YEAH! i’m so down.

why this phenomena exists is definitely the question. because you would think that up being “high” would be a good thing and “down” would be the opposite.

but i think a good way to think about it is if you contextualize it in the sense of a hill: it’s easier to go downhill than it is to go uphill. i can go down that hill no problem vs. i can go uphill but it’s a bit more work.

i know no one really ASKED for a real explanation bc it’s a joke about how english makes no sense as a language; but every language has its own slangs and idioms that are fascinating once you get into the weeds about them so, here we are in the weeds.

#talking #linguistics #slang #lmao? idk what to tag this as this isn’t necessarily gonna be a regular thing but #ren hot cakes #ig idk how to tag this

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fastwiemagie · 10 months

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One-day-trip to the middle ages aka "let's go to ren faire"

Red Riding hood with a basket full of goods for grandma or more like "follow me behind this tent, I've got mead if you got coins"?

On July 8th I've went to ren faire - though that's not what we call it locally obviously. It's called "Mittelalterfest" in German, which translates to "medieval party". This event took place at the "Heeresgeschichtliches Museum" (museum of the history of warfare, Heer = army) and I really liked their slogan "Kriege gehören ins Museum" (=war belongs into museums). Wars should be a thing of the past!!

I've had a wonderful day with a couple of friends!! (Only sharing one selfie with my dear friend Duplica who's very comfortable with her likeness being shared!) I was pleasantly surprised at gaining free entry for dressing up for the event! Hurray for my thrifted dirndl-esque dress!! I've pinned the sides up with safety pins to give me more air flow and wore my pretty green hip bag for valuables & a string backpack for additional stuff! The dress is a linen & cotton blend, so it's very comfy to wear! Plus it has pockets and I thrifted it (with a broken zipper) for a super mark-down of 1€ during a special sales event. And I didn't even know until I went to pay and was flabbergasted at being only asked for one buck! Yay!

I've forgot to take better pictures of it, but I made a beautiful hair-crown with two overlapping braids and wore a felt leaf pinned to the back. (Felt leaf by my dear friend @wuselwesen .) That hair-do read semi-medieval enough for me, plus it's way cooler to wear my hair up in summer of course!

We've had great food & beverages (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic - stay hydrated in the heat folks!!). It was about 30°C on that day, so we kept it very cozy, lots of breaks and sitting around and chatting with our friends. But we also checked out all the vendours of course and chatted with them and admired their pretty wares! I was SOOOO tempted by all the gorgeous clothes in natural fibers. Alas, my coin purse (=budget) said no buuuuut I bought myself a beautiful basket bag, as an early birthday present to myself. It's so lovely, with a long woven fabric strap to carry the basket. I've also bought cherry mead at one vendour stall and my friend joked that "I'm almost like Red Riding Hood now, I only would need some cake for grandma!". But alas, I even had some pyramid cake with me (is Baumkuchen really called pyramid cake? Dictionary says so... it's dough wrapped around a piece of wood (hence "Baum" = tree (cake)) and rotated over a fire. I like it classic with sugar and cinnamon.

I've also found 5€ on the ground and invested it into an arrow head necklace immediately. What comes around, goes around!!

The day was SO beautiful, I was so emotional & happy leaving at night, I had to ask my friend if I could hug her because my happiness had to go somewhere and she said yes of course. Ahhh happy memories!!

Tagging @worth-beyond-a-number-scale because she's asked me to be tagged in posts where I'm wearing traditional/dirndl dress. This is a very casual outfit, it would be traditional to wear it with a blouse underneath & an apron. But it was way too hot for any of that last weekend!!

[id] Pic 1 & Pic 2:

both close-up pictures taken on public transport. Pic 1 is going to the renfaire, Pic 2 is the travel back home. Pic 1 shows the face & upper body of a young fat white woman with glasses and brown hair in a braided up-do. She's wearing a pentagram necklace and black earbuds. As well as a linen/cotton blend dress with a black bodice with floral machine embroidery on it.

Pic 2 has cut off the face of the young fat white woman, but you see the gorgeous woven basket she bought at renfaire next to her on a seat. More of the floral machine embroidery on the dresses bodice is also visible, as well as the green lacing on the front and the green skirt part. She's also wearing a green hip bag and has another black-and-floral bag with her (it's a backpack). Another necklace has appeared also: a golden arrow head on a black string! Ren faire purchase spotted??

Pic 3 shows some naturally-dyed yarn draped aesthetically on a construct of wooden sticks with a medieval-esque banner in the middle. The colours are very pleasing to look at and surprisingly colourful for natural dyeing!

Pic 4: The young white fat woman with glasses and brown hair (worn in a braided hair-crown on this day) is standing in front of some vendour stalls, with some faire goers in the background. She's smiling at the onlooker. You can see that the skirt part of her dress has been pinned up, for the aesthetic and extra air flow. Keen-eyed watchers spot a black bracelet on her left arm and she's also wearing black leather sandals.

Pic 5: This one is almost identical with pic 4, the young white fat woman with glasses and brown hair in her renfaire outfit, but she's smiling even more in this picture (and the people in the background have also changed).

Pic 6 & 7 are close-ups again.

Pic 6 shows the top part of the woven basket that has been purchased at the ren faire, with a pentagram necklace, an arrowhead necklace and a braided black bracelet lying on top of it. The close-ups shows all the accessories in detail!

Pic 7 is a selfie of the young white fat woman with glasses and brown hair together with another young white thin woman with brown hair, both looking into the camera, smiling and showing off the bottles of mead they just bought from a vendour.

Pic 8 is a full body shot again, with the young white fat woman with glasses and brown hair standing in front (or rather: behind) a yellow-and-turquoise striped tent (aka vendour stall). You can also see a more muted yellow-and red ochre coloured tent in the background as well as a dirty white tent. The woman is excitingly showing off her newly purchased basket bag, which she's stored her bottle of mead in. Hurray! She's looking very happy with her day at ren faire and her purchases.[/id]

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whump-card · 7 months

Text

Whumptember Day Twenty-Eight

“I never should have let it come this far”

Failed hero | Hospital stay | Begging for help

Chronologically: 6

~1990 words

Masterlist

CW: discussion of past noncon, injury reveal, negative self-talk

~~~

“I’m looking for Sir Driemal, is he here?”

Ren stuck out like a sore thumb in the lobby of the fine inn. He was covered in dust and dirt, his shoes were caked in mud, and his hair was matted. All the result of walking for days and sleeping in ditches or barns. The inn’s attendant unsubtly wrinkled her nose at him.

“No, no Sir Driemal here.”

“Well, well what about…” Ren floundered in desperation, “Sir Cassius? Lady Richard? Any knights at all, are any staying here?”

“No,” the attendant said flatly, “I think you’d best be on your way.”

“But they said they’d be here, It’s only Saturday, they’re supposed to be here…” Ren couldn’t help the tears that sprang to his eyes. “Are there any knights here?”

“Try the poorhouse,” the attendant snapped.

“Ren!”

Ren spun around to see Sir Driemal in the doorway to the dining hall. The knight wasted no time striding forward, and almost seemed like he might hug Ren, before he caught himself.

“Ren, I’m so glad you came. I was so worried you wouldn’t be able to leave her.”

“I almost didn’t,” the words flowed out of Ren so easily when he spoke to Driemal.

“Good job, man!” Sir Driemal clapped a hand onto Ren’s shoulder, sending a jolt of electric excitement through Ren’s body and bringing a smile to his face. The knight turned to the attendant, who looked like she wished she could melt into the floor.

“Prepare a room for Ren here, if you will?” Sir Driemal requested.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir, but we’re full tonight,” she said, and this time it sounded like she was telling the truth.

“No matter!” Driemal squeezed Ren’s shoulder reassuringly, causing another buzz of delight, “He can stay in my room! Take his horse to the stables and have his luggage sent up to mine.”

“Oh, sir, I…” Ren’s smile melted; he wasn’t sure whether to be confused, embarrassed, or scared. “I don’t… I don’t have a horse. Or luggage.”

Sir Driemal blinked at him.

“You… You walked here?”

“Yes, sir.”

“With nothing?”

“Well - yes, sir.”

Sir Driemal dropped his hand from Ren’s shoulder and looked him up and down, as if noticing his ragged state for the first time. His face darkened with concern.

“We… I had no idea, that you… I would have thought you had a horse, I… I’m so sorry, Ren, we should have left money for you.”

Ren shook his head, horrified at the idea.

“No, no! I made it, that's all that matters.”

Driemal managed a guilty smile.

“You did. You did.” He turned back to the attendant, who quickly pretended she hadn’t been listening. “Set up a hot bath in my room, please.”

She chirped an agreement and Sir Driemal led Ren by the arm into the dining hall, where he let Ren collapse into a chair before bringing him mountains of fine food. Ren ate like a half-starved animal, because he was - for days now he’d been eating garbage and charity. Now he threw back meat pies and cheeses and ale with gusto. Driemal watched him with that same guilty smile. Ren flushed when he caught the knight staring.

“I’m sorry, sir. You must think me very ill-mannered.”

“No, I…” Sir Driemal shook his head, “I only wonder when you last ate.”

Ren didn’t answer.

Once he’d had his fill, Sir Driemal showed Ren to his room. Inn employees were just leaving, and a massive wooden tub of steaming water awaited inside, along with washcloths and towels on a side table. Sir Driemal went to his trunk and rooted around in it.

“The only spare sleeping-clothes I have is my summer set, I hope that’s alright.” He offered a bundle of white linen to Ren.

“That’s alright, sir,” Ren accepted them, then looked around. There was only one bed in the room, a massive four-poster. “Where will I sleep?”

“Do you mind sharing the bed? I won’t have you sleeping on the floor,” Sir Driemal said casually, “Besides, look at the size of that thing! We won’t bother each other.”

Too overwhelmed to decline, Ren nodded.

“I’m going back downstairs to iron out our plans with the others,” Sir Driemal said, “Take your time. Don’t wait up for me, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

Ren was very suddenly alone. He set the clothes down on the side table, and brushed his fingers across the soft, clean fabric. Sir Driemal had no idea how kind he was.

Ren set to work, stripping down. Not wanting to immediately dirty the beautiful tub, he wetted a washcloth and scrubbed himself down twice before getting in to soak. The hot water was immensely soothing to his many bruises and aches. He could hardly believe that such a luxury was his to enjoy.

He stayed in the bath until it was tepid. Once he was clean and dry and able to comb his fingers through his damp hair without them catching, he picked up the sleeping-clothes and shook them out.

His heart sank.

They were indeed summer sleepwear. The top was sleeveless, and the bottoms would only reach his mid-thigh. They would leave countless bruises exposed, as well as his welt-covered shoulders. His hands clenched into fists around the fabric as his breath shook.

He’d just have to wake up before Sir Driemal did, and get dressed quickly. No problem.

He pulled on the clothes and went over to the bed. The far side was slightly mussed, so Ren approached the nearer and climbed under the covers. The bedding was incredibly soft, softer than Lady Twice’s, and smelled fresh and clean.

It also smelled a bit like Sir Driemal - saddlesoap and rosewater - which Ren didn’t mind. He tucked the blankets securely around his shoulders to hide his battered body. He intended to stay awake, to rehearse what he would say to Sir Driemal the next morning, to figure out how precisely to ask to be the knight’s manservant - but sleep seized him instantly.

~~~

When Sir Driemal awoke to delicate snores the next morning, he was confused for a brief moment; then he recalled the events of the previous night. Ren had made it. His journey had clearly been difficult - more difficult than it should have been - but he’d made it. Driemal thanked his lucky stars for the dozenth time, and rolled over to look at the man in question.

His breath caught in his throat.

The night before, Ren had been fully bundled under the covers and Driemal had thought nothing of it. Now, the blankets had slipped down, revealing Ren’s bare shoulder and the back of his neck where he lay on his side, facing away from Driemal. Angry dark red bruises, just starting to go green at the edges, spelled out the unmistakable pattern of belt marks on his shoulderblade. Sinister in a different way, brighter fingerprints were splayed across the back of Ren’s neck.

“Ren!” The name left Driemal’s lips before he could think, and as soon as it did he regretted it. He clearly hadn’t been supposed to see this, wasn’t supposed to know, and now Ren would feel forced to explain whatever had happened before he’d even had breakfast. He cursed himself internally as Ren drew in a breath and raised a hand to rub at his eyes for a moment before freezing with awareness; he could feel Driemal looking at him.

“Ren, I, I’m so sorry,” Driemal stammered, “I didn’t mean to see…”

Ren jerked the covers up over his shoulders and rolled to look at Driemal with bright, frightened eyes.

“It was Lady Twice, wasn’t it?” Again, in his barely-awake state, Driemal couldn’t stop himself from talking. “She beat you for us leaving - my god, Ren, this is all my fault!” he sat up in bed, “I should have done more to convince you to come with us. This never should have happened, I never should have let it come this far, Ren, I’m so sorry. I failed you.”

“Don’t say that,” Ren whispered.

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Driemal said miserably, “You were hurt because of our actions. My actions. Is that why you came here with nothing, too? You fled?”

“That - I - I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” Ren looked away, fervently mumbling, “I shouldn’t have - I shouldn’t be sharing your bed, it’s disgusting, I… Look away.”

Driemal obediently shifted his back towards Ren.

“What are you talking about?”

He heard the blankets rustle and Ren’s bare feet pad across the floor.

“Sir… Where are my clothes?”

“Oh, um, I sent them to be laundered. I’m sorry, I was just -” Ren sobbed, and Driemal’s heart clenched. “Ren?”

“You can look,” Ren’s voice was muffled, “It doesn't matter anymore.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Driemal turned to look at Ren. He stood side-on to Driemal, his hands pressed to his face. The knight stifled a gasp when he registered Ren’s legs. His knees were scraped to hell, and red handprints marred his thighs. It was obvious evidence of a brutal and sustained assault.

“Ren, what…?”

“There were bandits on the road,” Ren rushed out his words, thick with tears, “And I thought they would let me keep my things if I serviced them, but they tricked me, and I shouldn’t have - I shouldn’t have slept in your bed after that, that was a horrible thing to do to you, sir, I just need my clothes back and then I can leave!”

Silence stretched out as Driemal processed this.

“Ren,” he said softly, and Ren’s shoulder’s tensed, “Ren, I don’t want you to leave.”

Ren shook his head, his hands still glued to his face.

“Ren,” Driemal started to get out of bed, “Please-”

Ren shrank away a step in reaction to Driemal’s movement. “Please don’t hit me!” he gasped into his palms.

Driemal stared, open-mouthed, his words trapped under his tongue. He was spared having to come up with an immediate response by a knock on the door.

“Laundry!” called a voice from beyond.

Driemal stood and moved slowly to the entry, his eyes trained on Ren. Ren stood completely frozen, still hiding his face. Driemal opened the door, blocking the employee’s view of Ren with his body, and received the bag of laundry with a quick thanks before quietly clicking the door closed. He dumped the contents of the bag onto the bed, and sorted out Ren’s things from his. Scooping them into a bundle, he approached the paralyzed manservant.

“Ren. Look at me, please?” he gently requested. Ren complied, lowering shaky hands and raising his gaze to meet Driemal’s. Ren’s face was red with suppressed tears, and his eyes were wide and his lips pursed with fear. Driemal took a breath.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” he said, willing his rough voice to be soothing, “I’ll go get dressed in Sir Cassius’ room while you get dressed here. Then we’ll all go to breakfast, together. Then you and I will go to a tailor and order you a new wardrobe. We’ll all stay here, in Faville, until it is ready, which will give you some time to recover. Then we’ll ride on, together, to… wherever Lady Richard decides we’re needed. Oh yes, and I’ll be buying you a horse.”

Ren gazed up at him for a long moment, and Driemal was struck with the urge to touch him, to rest a hand on his chest or his cheek, to offer some small comfort. He shifted the clothes in his arms and one hand twitched upward, but it was stalled by Ren nodding.

“Yes, sir,” the manservant whispered, carefully taking the bundle of clothes from the knight and casting his eyes respectfully downwards, “Thank you, sir.”

Driemal wanted Ren to feel safe with him. He wanted Ren to feel comfortable. But, he suddenly realized, that would take a while. He nodded brusquely, busied his overeager hands with gathering his own clothes, and made his exit.

He could wait.

#whump #whump fic #whump writing #whumptember2023 day 28 #whumptember2023 #day 28: I never should have let it come this far #cw past noncon #injury reveal #cw negative self-talk

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