ficletvember 2023 - day 22
Wildlife conservation expert Geralt is roped into helping Roche identify some endangered species potentially poached by the suspicious characters living in the hills.
in other words a horrible tw2 modern au with cop roche and redneck elves. apologies in advance lol
The drive cutting up through the hills had seen better days, washed out in ruts and pot-holed to hell. If somebody didn't know better, they'd say whoever had once lived at the end of this drive was long gone. Or at least not worth bothering.
They'd left the truck back by the main road. For all that it was big and black and mean with an ugly grille and flashing lights, it was useless on land like this. Geralt grabbed Roche's arm as the guy slipped on a skid of gravel.
“The tread on those boots just for show too?” he asked, and Roche shook him off.
Geralt knew his type. Small-town nobody with something to prove, a transfer all the way from Vizima out to the podunk Pontar Valley who took his job far too seriously. He kept fiddling with the bent brim of the black baseball cap he wore, frowning like he was displeased it couldn't keep the fine mist of rain off his race.
Geralt had never liked cops much and would rather be coming up here alone. There'd been some tip about poached squirrels. Endangered species endemic to this area. Unfortunately, Geralt was one of the few wildlife conservation experts around who could give an ID.
“It's just over this ridge,” Roche grunted. He looked nervous, like he wanted to go for the gun at his hip.
When they came up over the ridge, the drive sank again, piddling out into a browned yard cluttered with scrap that surrounded a single-wide trailer. Smoke chugged from the crooked pipe of a chimney.
“Where'd this tip come from again?” asked Geralt. These people didn't look like they got into town much. A pair of muddy ATVs and a snowmobile sat parked in a run in shed, and scattered around were a dozen more pieces and parts of varying vehicles that might run in a pinch.
“Doesn't matter,” said Roche. “We've got a warrant to search the premises. I'll talk to them. You keep an eye out.”
He pounded the front door with more vigor than Geralt figured was necessary. At first, it seemed like no one would answer. Maybe they'd heard them blundering up the drive and booked it out a back window.
The door cracked, and a green eye set in an angular face appeared.
“Good to see you, officer,” drawled a nasally voice that did not sound at all sincere. “How nice of you to visit again. Two times in one week? Pity you didn't call first. I'd have invited you for supper.”
“Iorveth, open the door,” Roche sighed. “We got another tip. Brought in an expert this time.”
The door opened further to reveal an eyepatch covering part of a scarred cheek, and the slender, pointed ears of an elf. Geralt hadn't seen an elf in years. They were as much in danger of dying out as any endangered species he studied, but of course, with far less protections afforded to them.
Iorveth looked him up and down.
“You're not from around here,” he said.
“Neither are you,” said Geralt.
Iorveth's accent was a thick and woodsy drawl common to mountain folk. He'd guess Blue Mountains, where pockets of whole towns full of elves still lived. Geralt had been raised farther north and given up his mountain dialect in the hopes of getting any respect in his field.
Mostly that respect had just roped him into shit like this.
Roche shot him a look, clearly not pleased that Geralt had ignored that he'd said he would do the talking.
This Iorveth, according to Roche, was a regular son of a bitch surrounded by rumors of all sorts of suspicious activity, but no one had ever been able to pin him with anything.
He had connections through his fugitive cousin Isengrim Faoiltiarna to the domestic terrorist Scoia'tael movement and was rumored to be associated with dangerous anarchist Saskia, not to mention being the likely source of most illicit moonshine and hash in the Valley.
“Don't make this difficult,” Roche said. His thumbs hitched in the front of his belt, not far from his holster.
“Of course, come on in,” said Iorveth. “Don't want to have to fix the doorjamb again.”
The inside of the trailer was plenty short on space but almost cozy, a galley kitchen looking out over a living room furnished with lumpy couches. The space was full of elves, more than Geralt had ever seen. Peeling potatoes at the sink. Plucking at the strings of a guitar. Feeding a crackling woodstove and stirring the pot that bubbled on top.
They all eyed the intruders with clear disdain.
“That look like endangered squirrel stew to you, Geralt?” Roche asked, and Geralt didn't bother to cross the room to take a look. The meat in the pot could be just about anything.
“Sorry, I'm a wildlife guy. Not much of a culinary expert,” said Geralt, shrugging. “Smells good though.”
“Am I going to find anything interesting in the back rooms, Iorveth?” Roche asked as he headed down the hallway, so narrow his shoulders brushed each wall.
“I'm sure you'd like that, officer,” said Iorveth, dripping with innuendo.
With Roche's back turned, the elf nodded to Geralt, a brow quirking up. It took him a breath to notice the others in the room had gone still and tense. The curtains of the a window set high on the wall billowed in a breeze.
He had a feeling Roche would find far more than squirrel pelts in a thorough search of the trailer. That this hadn't really been about the damn squirrels from the start.
The door to the back bedroom clicked open.
“Geralt!” Roche's voice carried, and in a flurry of activity most of the elves scattered through the open doorway. ATVs revved.
There was the sound of a scuffle from the back room. Still standing by the woodstove, Iorveth met his eye.
Geralt had only a moment to make a choice.
Roche reappeared with splotches of color high on his cheeks and cap knocked off his head, barking requests for backup into his radio.
Before Iorveth scrambled up and through the window, he kicked over the woodstove, threadbare carpet and peeling wallpaper swiftly catching as burning logs scattered. Then, he bent back through the window to offer a hand.
Swearing under his breath, Geralt clasped their arms together and went through.
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here’s everything I have on TMR! What? You didn’t ask for this? DID I FRICKING STUTTER? TAKE IT. NOW.
Splinter: 36 ( originally human, now dumbo rat, mutated at 19*)
he’s really not that old this time guys
Pretty damn chill about most things
Like, as long as you finish your chores, read a book everyday, and stay a virgin until your 17, your freaking good
Slight depression because of his past
misses being human sometimes
Monda: 18 (✨FREE HOME✨, and living here by Mikey’s request and her own will) ( still working on species)
FRICKING HIPPY
HIPPY ALERT
bell bottoms, tie dye, heart shaped sunglasses, and all natural deodorant
Vegetarian ( she claims it’s to make a point, but it’s really just dietary limits)
Actually doesn’t care that everyone else likes meat, and respects their diet just like they respect hers
Will literally do any chore on the farm, she doesn’t give a crap
Art! Yey
Donnie and her bond over Steven universe
* crosses arms in a pout* If Rottmnt can have Cassandra then I can have Monda
Mikey: 17 (oldest) spotted turtle *
THE older brother. Period. End of statement
That is actually his whole personality, adorable big brother
Not the smartest at times, but he tries
Would prolly be a chad if it weren’t for his fam
Backwards baseball hat, oversized T-shirt, cargo shorts or jeans
Very easy going
Yk, Except for the crippling fear that he’s not doing good enough, and so upset that he can’t force himself to try harder and be more serious
Erm- ADHD anyone?
Had a phase when he was obsessed with medical dramas, so it led him to a unhinged amount of medical research, and now he’s the family medic
April: 16 ( Bad parent life, she is currently on the run and they don’t really care)
This is the most respectable and patriotic bitch you will ever meet
Very responsible, helps Mikey with his older sibling duties
Wants to join the military, but,, insufficient funds 🥲( and I mean she’s completely broke) ( also parent consent isn’t a great topic for her either)
Probably the most emotionally fragile out of the gang, but she hides it really well
Runs herself ragged with chores bc she feels like she needs to earn her right to live in the cabin
The ever present camo print baseball hat, white tank-top, jeggings and heavy duty boots
American history nerd
Raph: 16 (second oldest) Mud turtle
is it ok if I just,, * inserts 2012 raph with random canons*
The very definition of anger issues
Plays pretty songs for Mona on his (acoustic) guitar
Loves to play Benson Boone songs the most ( really good at singing too, but won’t do it infront of anyone)
Absolutely terrified of the goats
But he likes the cows pretty ok 👌
Just like, excessively protective of his brothers
Softieeeee
Likes to play hockey with Casey in the winter
Watched and memorized Hamilton for Donnie, accidentally enjoyed it and went down a late night rabbit hole in American history, now he knows like everything and April was very happy to be able to talk to someone about it.
( Donnie was also very appreciative of his Hamilton references )
Jean jacket, adult cartoon graphic Ts, and spandex ( yes he does get relentlessly bullied for his booty shorts, because he has no butt)
Mona: 16 ( wow another orphan, not adopted by splints tho, just here by Raph’s request- and obviously her own will) Blue tongued skink
Jolly good bitches ( she’s British..)
Think; Victorian that got thrown into the woods and fell in love with one of the unhinged hillbillies
Pretty sundresses and sun hats :)
Impeccable manners and emotional management skills
Really good with kids
Just fun and positive to be around
the tiniest bit prissy, just like, don’t make her shovel cow shit or something
Literally the only person the goats like for whatever reason
Has problems feeling pretty sometimes ( Raph obviously tells her that’s “stupitd as shit, your the most beautiful being on the earth)
Casey: 15 ( orphan 🥲, technically adopted by splints)
Baby, punk rock baby boy
looks up to raph and his assholery skills
Still sorta dorky and growing into his body
Refuses to get a haircut, splints can only convince him every year or so
Hates sharing a room with April, because she puts her ugly army-print stuff everywhere ( never voices this complaint tho)
Allll the jeans with shit hanging off of them and black T-shirts
Summer: Hits chicken eggs golf style with his hockey stick ( Monda hates it)
Winter: Actually plays hockey on the frozen lake
By time we actually get to the story, he has became a little less intense in his punk rock obsession, maybe it’s just cuz everyone got used to it
Donnie: 14 (slight older twin) black knobbed map turtle
Looks like a cinnamon bun, could kill you vibe
Secretly loves to garden, and is the main reason the green house stays alive
Still our little inventor tho 💕
Likes to play with the chickens, and always gets kinda sad when they use one for dinner ( him and Monda bond a little over that)
Slight problem with obsessing over musicals, faves being; Be more chill, Hamilton, and Heathers
Named the goats after the two biggest assholes he could think of ( Ram and Kurt)
Feels very deeply that education is important and forces Leo, April, and Casey, (and sometimes Raph) to do khan academy
Leo: 14 (slightly younger twin) European pond turtle
Raph is teaching him guitar
cONsTaNTly climbing trees
Mikey: “Where's Leo?” Raph: “ in that tree” Mikey: “ why am I even surprised”
Definitely little sibling privileges
Uh yummy = Bugs, dirt, rocks, sticks, raw chicken eggs, flowers, …. Brothers look tasty… but biting is a no no
Ngl, this iteration is probably going to develop VERY slowly, bc I only really feel the want to work on it when I’m bored of my other projects
But uhh- I started on Raph a little so I’ll prolly do his bio and stuff first, but here are some things i definitely want
Bring Casey back to HIS glory days ( no I did not like rise Casandra, why do you ask?)
April is a sister figure, she will also be much less annoying than rise April, and much less bich-ass terrible than 2012 April
… farm… Yus farm, they live on farm. COZY CABIN, YUS
Monaaaa! ( and Raph x Mona of corse)
Splinter is no longer old! He had the bois ( and got mutated) at 19 so… * quickmaths* he’s only 36! not even that old.
Crazy farm kids of the woods,, like Leo ( and Donnie) are always running around and climbing trees and shit.
Very found family, literally the whole crew sneaked their way into living in the cabin ( convincing Donnie and Raph to help build and additional room or bebe cabin)
I LOVE THISSSSS!!! THE FARMMM HOME SWEET HOME, …. Mayhem = some sorta farm dog??
I just want to mention, the cabin is actually pretty big, but it feels small cuz there are so many people
In case this wasn’t a given, there are many farm animals, lots of chickens and a small herd of cows, two very mean goats named Ram and Kurt, a farm cat named Thomas ( he is a very distinguished gentleman), and mayhem the Britney spaniel.
9 person/ mutant body count…. 9 people, jeez…. Why do I do this to myself?
uh that’s what I got for now, working on a backstory for how everyone ended up here, but this is what I got for now
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Whiskey Bottles & Wild Flowers: Meet TK Pruitt & Chloe McKinley
TK Pruitt & Chloe McKinley met when they started college and lived in a co-ed building. TK went for engineering and Chloe for nursing. It’s strange and we still have no idea how those two majors ended up being in the same building.
Anyway, TK took the wrong turn to his class and ended up running into Chloe. They said their ‘sorries’ and then went on their ways. The next time they meet, it was at lunch. Chloe was in line, getting ready to get a tray, when TK came in and walked straight into the line, cutting her in line. She told him off, they laughed and talked afterwards. They ended up being friends and hanging out together before and after class.
After two semesters of college, TK dropped out, but would still make the drive to see Chloe during the weekend. They ended up getting together later that year. When Chloe and TK talked about the future, TK just knew she was it for him. A couple of years later He gave her a promise ring and told her once she’s down and out of school, he’d marry her. They were prefect together. TK, being the ever-loving country kid he is, loved fishing and getting dirty as a boy does, and as it turns out, so did she. Chloe had a girly side, but did enjoy the occasional getting dirty on the country side.
TK, is as his family would describe him, ‘the dumbest smart person you know’ He was super smart and a quick learner, but he would make just stupid ass decisions. TK is a serious person, but will let loose when needed. He didn’t like to show his love, unless it was to Chloe. He also didn’t have the greatest relationship with his younger sisters, Baylie & Amanda.
In his childhood, TK did a lot of activities. He played baseball, football, basketball, showed hogs, hunted, fished. You’d think the boy would be tired of doing all of these plus ranch work, but never was. He also was out a lot with friends in cornfields or basements having a party. He changed a lot when Chloe bumped into him.
Chloe had a little bit different childhood from her fiancé. She had three older brothers who were always fighting with each other and playing pranks, so she understood the hardships of Duck & Cricket faced with their brother. All three girls are best friends and hang out all of the time when TK isn’t attached to her hip. She also did a lot of things a father would do with his sons, hunting & fishing, to name a few. Chloe had a bad relationship with her mother, so she was closer to her dad.
When Chloe’s dad got sick when she was a teen and watched him lay in bed wilting away, she decided to become a nurse. So that she can help others who went through what she did. When Chloe went to college for nursing, she was determined to get it done and start her career. It was like fate when she ran into TK in the hall. She couldn’t be more in love than when she met TK.
TK and Chloe live at the ranch as of right now until he can save up for their own farm house. She works at the local hospital, while TK works at a warehouse. When they’re not too tired from work, they also help on the ranch. Chloe would love nothing more than to join the always interesting and lively Pruitt family.
Forever 🏷️list: @bayisdying @mrsjaderogers @dragon-kazansky @sweetlittlegingy @switchbladedreamz
🏷️list: @luckyladycreator2 @lisedanie
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